#i know they're trying i get it but it's annoying cause all of their 'solutions' aren't fucking solutions

[bunn-iiii]

if another able bodied person gives me advice on my physical disability and, in general, my pain I'm going to violently sob at someone

[secretsideblogshhhh]

Imagine you live in a kingdom. Everything in this kingdom was modeled after the founder of the whole city.

This means the house sizes, the utensils, the clothes, every single thing, was made for him.

And for plenty of people this is fine. The clothes fit them, the cabinets are easy enough to reach, the size of the tools are perfect.

But you're a fair bit smaller than this guy was. The clothes are extremely baggy on you. You struggle to keep them on. They get in your way and you trip over them all the time.

You can't reach the cabinets, the tools are hard to hold in your hands.

Everything you do takes so much effort because nothing here was made for you.

But everyone else gets annoyed by this, not because of the system made that makes life hard on you, but because you're different.

They hate you constantly tripping.

You mention maybe getting a belt to help with that, and everyone you know gets mad at you for even suggesting it.

"you don't really need a belt"

"you could just take some growth medicine, get bigger"

"you don't deserve special treatment just because you're different"

"well everything works just fine for me, I don't know why you have issues"

And it's frustrating. The only person who you can relate to is your buddy Tim, who's a whole lot bigger than the guy everything was made for was.

His clothes cut off his circulation, they actively hurt him.

He hits his head on doors, he can barely use the tools because they're so small to him.

He wants to make his own clothes, but he can't afford it because he can't keep a job.

No one wants to hire a guy who can't hold the tools, or who needs a break every few hours so he can take off his clothes in the bathroom to breathe.

And even if he did manage to get the money, the tools are too small. He'd have to hire someone.

And hiring someone would cost so much more.

Of course the responses he gets are similar to yours.

"you're just lazy, it's not that hard to get and keep a job"

"have you tried just losing weight? That's probably what's causing all your issues"

You and him bond over this. How the world is cruel to you for being different. You found each other because of you were different from everyone else and it brought you closer

But then people see your friendship. It would be natural to assume that your friendship makes sense. You have the same struggles after all.

But no.

People see that you're friends and say

"well obviously you're both making up your issues, it's so rare for even one of you to exist. But 2 of you? You have to be lying for attention"

You try to show them that your issues are real, because you want help. You'd love for others to understand and help you fix the way the kingdom is built.

But people look away, they ignore you. Either pretending to not see you or they just invalidate your experience.

"everyone has rough days"

"you just got some poorly made clothes"

"He just wants an excuse so he doesn't have to work"

"if you just tried harder-"

Everyone seems to have some solution for your issues, ones you've tried a hundred times before.

Everyone seems to have an opinion on your existence. Usually pity or disgust. Often a mix of both, though the disgust isn't something anyone will admit to aloud. Their actions speak loud enough though.

That's how it feels to have a disability. Especially an invisible one. You have to fight just to be heard and it's exhausting.

Everything that you do is a struggle people who aren't disabled just don't understand. And it's infuriating how they write you off just because they don't want to even try to understand

[beanghostprincess]

Weird self indulgent bullcrap but hear me out okay-

Seraphim Buggy.

The strawhats get to Egghead and there's so much going on, it's wild and crazy and things start calming down after a bit, but then one group manages to find a tube in the far back. Luffy is staring HARD at the little body, battered and bloodied, white hair floating like a curtain in the solution, but the round red nose is a huge give away. He recognizes that nose. He recognizes that face.

"Is that... Buggy?" Nami is confused, hesitant. Zoro frowns at the tube, at the injuries on the child's body, bruises and scrapes and filth.

Luffy is silent before he hauls back and punches the tube with a Haki coated fist. The others yelp, scold him, Chopper shrieks bc they don't know if that will hurt the kid, but-

It doesn't even crack.

They stare.

Franky and Chopper dive to the control panel to try releasing the child, while Luffy is still staring at the unconscious body. Usopp is equally quiet, both assessing and reaching out. They know Buggy in varying amounts, but absolutely nothing about this kid feels Right. There's a wickedly sharp undercurrent, even unconscious, that makes even Luffy wary.

They get him out, he's still unconscious, but he's safe. Chopper begins working on patching his wounds up, and midway through the kid's presence locks down to near nothing before white-gold eyes snap open. Luffy meets the gaze easily, inclines his head slightly, seeing the minute tension the ripples across the tiny clown's frame. S-Buggy blinks for a moment, then reaches out.

Luffy let's him touch the hat.

The kid is silent for a moment before he croaks a soft "bro...ther..."

They take him with them. Over the course of it all, they find out why the kid was locked away in stasis, learn just what they released from the tube, but the little seraphim is so taken with Luffy and is so happy to just cling and be clung to that they have issues believing that THIS is the demon the others were mentioning, the monster that had been locked away for everyone's safety. It doesn't help that this is BUGGY and any iteration of the clown being powerful just seems ridiculous.

Then something happens. And little S-Buggy causes a near apocalyptic level of damage.

None of the crew is killed in the rampage, none so much as injured by the little jester boy, but it begins painting things in a new light.

By the end of it all, as they're leaving, Luffy tells the crew to contact the Cross Guild. "A pirate ship isn't safe for kids," he says with finality. They nod. He keeps S-Bug distracted, they actually make efforts to AVOID fighting, miserable though it leaves some, and they soon meet up with the Guild.

"Uncle," Luffy calls out, shocking everyone in earshot, especially when Buggy greets him back.

Luffy knows a lot more about Buggy and Shanks' childhoods than most do, pieced together from times when he was small and begging Shanks to bring him with the crew, when he and Buggy had time spent together, especially on the way to Marineford. So when he saw this like Seraphim, felt the Haki, saw the damage, he knew this was out of his wheelhouse. He was going to be King of the Pirates, not because he idolized Gol D. Roger, but because he was going to be better than him.

By Davy Jones as his witness, he would be better.

Buggy is mildly annoyed, confused, exasperated, but then Luffy meets his eyes dead on, steady, and says "He hasn't learned control yet."

And suddenly, Buggy understands. He winces. Hisses through his teeth. "Fuck."

"Yeah."

"No Red, then?"

"No. But he saw my hat, called me brother."

"Fucking hell."

"A ship is no place for a kid," Luffy says, voice surprisingly mature to most who know him. "But an island..."

"Yeah," Buggy sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "Shit. Yeah, an island is safer. Has he imprinted?"

"I dunno, but he's pretty docile if there's no perceived threat."

Buggy groans, but opens his arms to take the child, giving the kid warning of touch, an open offer. The little seraphim hesitates for a moment before diving towards the older pirate.

Crocodile, Mihawk, and the strawhats all watch on in varying stages of confusion while the two captains talk.

There are many questions to be asked, curiosities to be quenched, but for now? Karai Bari offers docking overnight, and a new resident is welcomed to the island.

Right now I can only think about,, How cute a seraphim Buggy would be,, And also, Buggy and Luffy's relationship here?? My beloveds 😭 Everyone is so confused and doesn't understand why they know so much about each other and get along so well because Luffy is the master of never talking about his past unless he's asked,, Really happy this little Buggy can be with Buggy, though, always saying Cross Guild as dads with the Seraphims is an amazing concept.

[watatsumiis]

Reader with chronic headaches series - Dottore edition

Yes. this is self indulgent. I deserve it because head hurty and i can just feel its gonna get worse. As bonkers as he is, i think he'd be a great person to have look after you when you're not well (provided you have a close bond with him). Be aware that this is heavily based off of my own experiences with chronic headaches and migraines (and what I do to look after myself when I have them), and is not indicative of everyone's experiences.

Content: Gender neutral reader (implied to have chronic headaches and/or migraines), pre-established platonic relationship with Dottore, just. general Dottore warning, he's a little creepy and likes to keep lists about people.

At first, he's weird about it. He's trying to note down your symptoms and figure out exactly what's wrong, giving you solutions that (surprise surprise) don't work. It would almost be sweet if you didn't know he saw you more as a puzzle to solve at this point.

The idea of chronic illnesses is like a challenge to this man, he's so annoying about it, constantly bothering you about your symptoms, asking you to chart your headaches, where you'd rate them on a scale of one to ten, etc., at this point, he's almost more of a headache than the headaches themselves.

Eventually though, he calms down a bit and starts being actually helpful. He's very observant, so he picks up on the common signals you give off when you've got a headache or a migraine coming on, even if you don't notice them yourself.

When he notices, he'll have someone wordlessly bring you a cool glass of water and your pain relief of choice, sometimes even offer to take over your more menial duties to remove some stress from you.

He takes careful note of what you do to help alleviate them and will replicate those actions, sometimes sternly ordering you around when you're continuing to try and push yourself further. Being of such a high rank, he's easily able to take advantage of it to give you a day or two off.

He'll usher you into a quiet, dark room with a nice cool temperature and a pile of blankets, making sure you're stocked up with plenty of water and your preferred brand of pain relief, while nattering away about what he thinks may be the root cause of your pain this time (as much as he tries to eliminate all potential causes, some still manage to slip through the cracks).

He's uncharacteristically tender with you when you're in pain, especially if he feels guilty for not noticing before it got as bad as it has. He's gentle and speaks in a soft, low voice that's both easy to understand and listen to even through the ringing in your ears.

Though he's used to how your symptoms manifest, it doesn't mean that he worries any less - he still checks up on you just a little too often, but he always tries extremely hard not to disturb you, especially if you decide to take a nap or have a lie down.

He makes sure you're extra stocked up with your favourite snacks, blankets and comfort items, and might even try to find you something simple to keep you entertained that isn't too much strain on your head if you get bored or restless (you're not sure where he got these colouring pages from, but they're well made!)

The amount of documentation he keeps on you is almost unnerving, there's enough there that, even when he's not around, there'll be someone who has been given a briefing and knows exactly what to do to help you.

Once you're feeling better, he scolds you if you overworked yourself or acted too stubborn, insisting that he's a doctor and you should listen to him.

Overall, he's a great person to have take care of you when you're not feeling a hundred percent. He's willing to field almost any request if it'll get you back up and feeling well again.

Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagarise my writing! This includes posting translations to other sites (without credit + permission).

[happyk44]

I think Percy's destructive nature is somewhat of a surprise to Annabeth. Grover and Sally have long since been aware of it.

Sally because she knows Poseidon, he even warned her that his kids inherit his emotional flipflopping, she's seen the ocean at its best and its worst, she knew fully what she was getting into when she became pregnant.

Grover because even if his nature isn't oceanic, he's still a nature deity and has a general understanding of how other natures operate, and he has the empathy link, but even before the empathy link he was able to spot when Percy was resisting the urge to punch someone in the face for saying something rude.

Annabeth knows Percy can be destructive. But she's not aware of the depths to his destruction, to his anger. She's seen when he's at various positive emotional extremes - happiness, tranquility, etc - but not the extremes of his rage and all that accompanies it.

Because Sally taught him to be good, to be kind. She taught him how to relieve himself of his anger, his upset, without hurting anyone. She stressed the importance of not taking his feelings out on other people. That it's not fair to be mean to someone who didn't upset you. And Gabe's abuse made him even more reluctant to become a person who hurts other people and doesn't care.

Ironically befriending Grover made those lessons hard to follow. Grover being bullied frequently just piled on the angry feelings he had to swallow. It would bury the positive emotions, making it even harder to focus on the good things that kept him kind.

Tartarus is the first time Annabeth gets a peak at the lake, instead of the river that flows from it. She's... scared. Not of Percy, but just in general. It's okay to be scared when someone, even someone you love, tortures a goddess and only stops because you asked. She knows Percy would never hurt her.

But she also knows that Percy would hurt others for her.

She doesn't know how to bring it up, but it's clear that the mask he wore before Tartarus is broken and the methods he used to use aren't working anymore. He grits his teeth more. He clenches his fists frequently. Anger, stress, annoyance - they all flit across his face when before she had to study the tension of his shoulders to tell when he was annoyed.

His shoulders are always tense.

She doesn't know what to do. She knows she should tell Sally - Estelle is a baby, babies can be annoying, and while she doubts Percy would hurt his little sister, that doesn't mean the lake won't overflow with the emotions she could cause. She knows she should tell Grover - the two of them have more of an emotional connection, regardless of the empathy link, and he's always been more willing to hash out his emotions with Grover than with her.

She knows it's because she's solution oriented. Sometimes he just wants to say things but she struggles not to analyze the problems and figure out a worthy fix. Percy's also bad at wording his thoughts, and she lacks the patience to let him stumble back and forth and in a circle trying to find the right explanaton.

She knows she should tell them. But she doesn't. It's difficult to ask for help, even on the behalf of other people. She wants to help him herself. Prove she can fix what broke with her in Tartarus. Surely they'd already know anyway - Sally because he lives with her and Grover because of the empathy link. So she keeps her lips shut and watches him carefully. He seems to be getting better with time.

Then weeks later Grover is pulling her away as Sally calls her phone. The world goes hazy. Sounds turn vague, the only clarity being Sally's voice. Grover's eyes are full of tears. His hands shake. Annabeth reaches out and holds them.

Certain words echo in Annabeth's head and encircle everything else Sally says. Tried to kill himself, she'd said. But he's fine. Those words repeat like a broken record. Eventually they overlap until they're nothing but a garbled mess.

It hurts when Sally tells them that she can't divulge Percy's location. It hurts when she admits she's not even sure where Percy is, but that she knows who he's with, that he's safe, that's he's fine. It hurts when she reads off the short note Percy left behind. Her pained laugh at Percy's deliberate handwriting cuts through Annabeth's gut like a knife

Why didn't she do something? Percy is a good person. Kind. Loving. Unending rage towards anything and everything would drive him insane. She should've known that. She should've anticipated it. She should've helped him.

But she was scared. She wanted to pretend everything was normal. Like it had been when the mask was still in tact and his methods worked and she never became worried by the furrow of his brows or the clench of his fists. She was scared, she was a coward.

And now Percy was gone.

[mixelation]

wait okay notes to self on the Political Situation in reborn au ->

for plasticity/reborn au (and i sort of just like this headcanon in general), oto as a village is 100% an orochimaru project, BUT there are native ninja families to the country (which is where the Oto team we see in the chunin exams come from). none of those families took "sides" in the third ninja war but they still had to deal with a lot of spillover fighting on their land-- ninja cutting off routes through the country, burning down villages at strategic locations, shit like that. a lot of scuffles with oto clans trying to push foreign ninja out of their territory because that's THEIR LAND and then it not going super well because they'e individual families vs whole villages that can just send more ninja if they think occupying that land is a good idea

so towards the end of the war orochimaru swoops in with a bunch desperately needed supplies and is like: aren't you TIRED of being tiny and weak? you know what would really help you-- and he unites the clans in his own village. he's been REAL good at buttering up clan leaderships and also investing in improved training and playing at being respectful of old traditions so everyone's on board with him being leader.

once he has his village, orochimaru immediately starts pushing out older ninja-- they go missing or weird shit happens to discredit them, etc. he also starts bringing in interesting wayward youth (and the occasional disenfranchised adult) from across the continent, which is why oto morphs from something that looks like a cohesive "new" village with themed sound-based attacks in part 1 to a series of hideouts filled with teenagers with weird powers in part 2.

so tori is around for the unification and it actually benefits her a lot because she's able to leverage it to get actual ninja training. it's a delicate game of getting enough attention from orochimaru to get what she wants but not SO much attention that he decides to poke at her, but she has the significant advantage of being mentally an adult. she's not actually a doe-eyed eight year old orphan who's desperate or love-- she's a fully actualized adult who doesn't need his approval or attention the way he tries to twist all his followers.

anyway, the fun of reborn au is that this is late-game plasticity tori who's fully come into herself as "not a ninja, still a monster" so i want her to have a lot more agency than she does at the start of plasticity. so she plays the ninja training game but at some point she's like: well, i should just nip this whole oto thing in the bud. and so she flees but in a way that really cuts the whole thing off at the knees and makes it dissolve early [DETAILS DEPENDING]. early reborn au tori isn't used to thinking like a ninja so she avoid combat-oriented solutions, but she's very effective at causing chaos in new and unexpected ways

(orochimaru is deeply annoyed but after he mellows out i think he'd be like: you know what. respect)

ANYWAY, I generally use the narutopedia map for geography (although sometimes i ALSO use made-up small countries not on there so don't treat it like a bible), so. grass borders sound to the west (and rain borders grass to the west). in plasticity, i said that grass did better in the war than rain because they were able to ally with larger nations early on. so. ~5 year post-war, grass isn't totally wrecked but their neighbor sound definitely IS and grass's take-away is that they're also basically at the mercy of bigger nations, and so they're interested in making themselves stronger, and fast. and their neighbor just? imploded? and now there's all these new science experiments running around and up for grabs? grass is like: YOINK OURS NOW

(konoha is like: hey what the fuck is happening? which is why kakashi's team was sneaking round)

unfortunately for grass they've gotten kind of cocky in their invasion of their neighbor and have underestimated the weird ass shit show going on in rain. i need to rotate the timeline of the ame trio/third war stuff some to know what nagato-konan were up to (i think i'm going to make them very focused on just rain so major events in other countries are still mostly the same, bc otherwise it's a nightmare to plan), but basically i think the winning nagato-konan strategy is that they would just unilateral make themselves leaders of the ninja village AND the country. so the outcome is yahiko has been put in charge of the country to distract him so nagato-konan can do unhinged ninja stuff. also yahiko might be the one non-reincarnated person who knows bc i think that would be Funny

(everyone: you just? TOLD someone? immediately?? nagato-konan: um, yes?)

anyway, long story short, grass has been kidnapping wayward ninja for Experiments and fucked up by grabbing a handful of ame citizens. so shortly after the tori-kakashi-deidara escape, konan show up and is like: hi. :) what the fuck. :)

i haven't decided how extreme ame's movement against kusa would be yet, but i DID decide karin & her mom end up in rain as a result. is this fix-it fic enough for u

[sol-consort]

I like to headcanon that the humanity we see in ME is a humanity who worked their shit out mostly, solved most of our internal issues, and is actively trying to improve and wants to see the other species improve too. Humanity isn’t perfect of course, but we know that (which is arguably one of our strengths, knowing full well we ain’t shit, but that’s another discussion). Because of that I think humans caused a social shift in the non-humans at some point, especially within the council races ESPECIALLY in turian society.

At first the reaction is “nosy humans, mind your business” but after a while I can see some of the aliens realize that “dammit, the humans are right.” Humans are the youngest species but we have lived many lives, we know their struggles, we know their problems by heart, because we lived them too, and we don’t want to see what happened to us happen to the rest of the galaxy.

More turians start asking why it is they’re forced to serve in the military, asari start to unpack their superiority complex they didn’t know they had, salarians start to realize the long term consequences of their short term solutions. Maybe EVERYONE starts to really question why there only three/four councilors and why exactly no one else is allowed in their special club. And the humans in the background watching and cheering because YES BESTIE, START ASKING QUESTIONS!

Humans are easily misunderstood and casted aside Because of how young of a species we are. I mean we've only started recording history what 2000 years ago? That's two Asari generations.

But they forget how much we have fucked around and found out during these 2000 years. All the dumb decisions we have made, all the wars we started, all the near world endings we've evaded by a coin toss.

It never was a matter of if we accidentally lead the homosapiens to extinction, it was always a matter of when.

All the inventions that had the slightest possibility of unleashing a flesh eating bacteria or setting the atmosphere on fire were proceeded nonetheless. All the times we flew too close to the sun with no regard to the wax scorching our skin.

But. We. Persist. Like an annoying roach, we are invasive and can't help but poke our noses where we don't belong just because we are hardwired to be problem solvers. And if there are no problems left? We create some just to solve it!

We easily spot the faults in turian society because we have been through it! We have records of Rome and their great empire which crumbled beneath its own weight, we have records of military centric societies losing sight of their purposes and turning against their own civilians.

We have been through it, and it sucks and we hate it, and we wish they'd just listen to us.

Don't even get me started on the asari and how their superiority complex blinds them so much that they actually rationalised SLAVERY. Humanity's biggest shame and regret. Not only did they enslave the vorcha who can't argue with a proper case against the asari because of their limited 20 years lifespan, but they've reached the level of capitalism hell that they started selling people to work of their debts. Making excuses as if not debriving them of basic respect, food and shelter justifies trading an actual living person's soul to the highest company bidder akin to stock at a sheep market.

Their entire justice system is built on lawyers taking advantage of loopholes, birbes and blackmail. They're living the dystopian cautionary tales every human was told and selling it as the most glamourise life of the advanced civilisation that the rest of the galaxy should all strive for.

Not to mention how their government activity ereased the prothean's interference in their early stages and rewrote history for it to be some asari goddess just to sell their propaganda more that they are born inherently better than the other races whilst also NEEDING us for a diverse genetic sequences in reproduction. Shaming for being lesser than them whilst using us to make more asari.

Or the salarians who narrowed the purpose of existence to birth work then death, who against all the braincells they manged to hoard failed to see how they were so concered with getting as much productiveness out of their short lives that they actually forgot to live the said lives.

The hanar who focused too much on spirituality and left no room for the mortal flaw to exist. Who isolated themselves in feverish reverence to worship their stone statues of past dead species while pretending a world outside isn't being built and almost within reach of the same capabilities of their so proclaimed gods. Who deemed others too ignorant or rude to deal with, who's only interaction with others are to educate their barbarian ways and show them the true meaning of life that they decided without consulting any other race.

IT'S A FUCKING CIRCUS SHOW.

HISTORY IS A FLAT FUCKING CIRCLE.

A PARADE OF HUMANITY'S MOST HORRIFIC DYSTOPIAS MASQUERADING AS THE PRIMA DONNA OF EDENS.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Aliens are in fact just like us.

Because they are rolling in the same mud puddles as us.

The shitstorm just happened to reach us before we could reach the stars.

While they're still flinging mudballs onto each other's faces and calling us the apes.

Having run out of my cynical juice tho, I think we at least will get the chance to play heros in this scenario.

Welcome any alien who decided to diverge from the norm of their society standards amidst our ranks and into our homes. Encouraging our turian friends to have dreams and hopes outside of war and country service, allowing our asari friends to be flawed mortals and calling them out on their mistakes without antagonising them, showing salarians how beautifully love is and there is more to marriage or starting a family than simple reproduction values.

It is funny how Korgans are essentially the least flawed and most civilised in comparison to the rest of the galaxy who shunned them for being savages.

I hope our invasive nature infects them, our songs about dreams and passion to move them, our continous persistent that they deserve so much more, that life could be so much better, that the world is bigger than their government lead them to believe would get them to glance outside their aluminium glided cages and wonder if apes were onto something.

[youremyheaven]

Hello~ I'm here for the mood board 😌. I'll write a general (platonic?) one (no matter how much I want to write a romantic one). Love for me is such a profound emotion to feel and experience. In this generation where the word “Love” gets thrown around for the purpose of patronizing subjects, is honestly such a sad thing to see. There's a general opinion that states that you have to accept the people that you love the way they are no matter how horrible or toxic they may be, because people have the ability to change, therefore you can certainly change them with love because love wins all (as long as you love your neighbors they said) which people collectively agree on because it is what was promoted to us painting this rose colored painting that nothing can not be solved as long as we love them. In my opinion just because we love them does not mean that we always have to be there for them all the time and constantly coddle to them just because they want it. While I do agree with the statement above in some ways, I just think that accepting their behavior and coddling them up would do no good. To me, love is where you DO accept them, however you do not validate their wrongful behaviors; whether this is weponized incompetence (because personally, I absolutely despise lazy people), toxic behaviors such as manipulation and gaslighting, and throwing themselves a pity party. I'm order for them to grow and mature, you have to hold them accountable for their behavior. If you truly love someone, you would help them grow. For me, I absolutely love the idea of myself growing into a better person than I am today, to be more competent and independent and make peace with myself throughout my imperfections and mistakes, and failures. I absolutely loath people who make excuses and try to validate their mistakes by throwing out every insignificant and trivial reasons just so they can continue to whine about their problems without even doing anything significant to help themselves despite saying they've done everything they can without even identifying where exactly they went wrong. You know those people you know who continuously cry and rant about how they want to get better at their studies because they're failing and thus causing strain to their relationship with their parents, saying they've done everything they can, so you decide to help them giving them solutions to their every problem and lending them an ear and they'd be saying that those solutions are too tedious (even whey the littlest solutions can make such a huge progress) and that they're too lazy for that but then they'd be there posting 24/7 random, useless sexual topics, memes and rants, and playing games for HOURS. Love for me is where you help and guide the people you love to change their behaviors (that they constantly complain about) and grow and mature for once. Just because you love someone, you shouldn't be complied to show that love with physical affection, gifts, words of affection and compliance. Sometimes, love can be received and show by helping people improve their lives, and I think this goes unrecognized because people want to be shown love straight on and be said, done directly, but it genuinely doesn't have to be that way. I think this is also the reason why most people go unrecognized for their love because if it does not go along with what the receiver wants to receive, it would be left unrecognized and be considered annoying (much less irritating). This can be observed from how our parents quite literally provide us with everything and yet most of the time, their children don't see that and consider every guidance as an annoyance and hindrance to THEIR happiness, thinking of what they want and not what they actually NEED. Love is where you motivate the people you love to do better in their lives and not waste away their youth with things they're going to regret later on. That's all ☺️

its giving Lunar, Revati (and broadly Mercurial), UBP, Deva gana nak vibes 🤔

[damnfandomproblems]

To the gn!reader person:

I'm going to start off by saying I completely understand where you're coming from. It's very annoying when you try to read a fic and it has something that wasn't properly tagged for (for me, it's normally not tagging background ships because they're "in the background"...). However, if seeing a fic with they/them pronouns, which is very common in X Reader fics causes you this much distress then I think you shouldn't be reading them at the moment. Reading fanfiction should be a fun and enjoyable experience, not playing russian roulette with your mental health. At the moment, with how much stress this seems to cause you, I think the most mature and responsible solution is to not read X Reader fics until you're at a place where you know accidentally running into something that causes you disphoria won't be as big of a problem.

You also seem to speak rather negatively towards the people writing these fics and tagging them in a way you see as "wrong". I understand why you might see that, but I don't think they're doing anything wrong. They're tagging a fic in what they see as the right way, which is different than what you see as the right way. No ones in the wrong here, it's just a difference of perspective. In their mind, theres a lot of NB readers, and readers who don't care about the pronouns, so using they/them is the most inclusive. Your perspective is different, because they/them pronouns make you disphoric and you'd like to avoid them at all costs. Neither perspective is wrong, but attacking other people for their perspectives is.

And a final suggestion: If you find a fic with they/them pronouns, you could possibly use and in browser text replacer to change them to she/her, though it might change more than you'd like.

Posting since this is a response to a previous ask and a problem.

If anyone know which one it is, please note it in the replies so I can get this tagged appropriately.

[shallowseeker]

Was it you that pointed out that Dean gets showered with hate for allowing Jack to make himself into a bomb, when in season 11 his entire family was willing to let him do the same? I've been thinking about this a lot...

Sorry, not me. But I do talk about this and other Jack stuff in some of my ramblings about #SPN parenting, and I believe @jackgirlbluntrotation and I batted the tragedy of the Jack-and-Dean soul bomb parallel back-and-forth a few times, so you could look there as well.

But to get what what I think you're getting at, I think yes: Dean, is judged more harshly for this. I have some vague ideas why below. And I can't answer without being longwinded about all of it, and because I am NOT feeling very cohesive this week, behind the cut it goes...

Not meta, just random thoughts... I tried to edit it into something that made points. But I couldn't. Sorry. I'll try to revisit it later. This is like...three separate unrelated topics.

Sam & Cas + violence + getting onboard with Dean's sacrifice:

Sam and Cas do not object to Dean becoming a live bomb in season 11 to serve God's Big Kill-Amara-Cause. I haven't seen this held against Cas or Sam, and certainly not as a moral transgression. (This is not a hit piece against Sam or Cas. It's just a note that they're a little differently tied up with the idea of war-as-sacrifice.)

Furthermore, when talking about child sacrifice, I don't typically see a lot of Emma or Oskar or even Jane the Nephilim crop up in conversation, and when it does, people sometimes get annoyed about it ("I just don't care about them that much.") I do occasionally see Cas re:Jessie the Antichrist and May Sunder. Occasionally I see Sam:Emma. But hardly ever Oskar or Jane. But Dean is the caretaker. He's not supposed to cross this line of killing complete innocents. Also, as "parent," he has an obligation to Jack that adds another layer.

My point is...and I'm not certain about this...but I suspect that if Dean had overseen any of these above murders, it would be a much more daily appearance on the dash, especially Jane and Oskar, who were completely innocent.

Of note, re:Oskar.. Sam and Cas are The Two Men post-Lucifer that Rowena identifies as Love Matches. (She reserves her ire and hatred re:Oskar for scapegoat child, Crowley.) To Rowena, maybe even to the audience(?), the violence of Sam and Cas is expected, maybe even sexy? Maybe even the mark of a strong protector. Who knows? All I know is that we politely look the other way. And so does Rowena...

And I'm not trying to keep score in a murder show. Just...yeah. Something about this is tied up with Dean's role as heart/hearth/caretaker, I think. Maybe. Also parental roles. But that's always going to be conjecture. Let's look at more interesting stuff, which is how family sacrifice gets passed around:

Dean + sacrificial bomb

Dean -> The bomb sacrifice is framed as Dean's choice, even though it is just as coerced as what we see in season 15 with Jack. To make Dean's bomb even uglier, the reason Dean is the bomb in the first place is part-strategy, part-gross. "The enemy is sexually attracted to you, ergo, you can get closer to her." Dean is, once again, rendered as sexual (?) bait.

Cas -> Cas is the one who came up with the idea of the soul bomb, but he immediately shows regret and offers to die with Dean. Which releases the tension of how awful it is that he doesn't object... After this, Cas is forevermore anguished at the thought of sacrificing Dean and in season 14, he completely Objects to Dean's Suicide as Solution, even when solider mode!Jack suggests it. Of note, it may also be that in season 11, Cas put up a strong front about sacrificing for the God partially because Chuck was present(?)

Sam -> We are sympathetic to the idea of Sam being "okay" with sacrificing Dean because, at the start of season 12, we-the-audience are shown Sam's guilt over it, and that eases the narrative tension of how horrific it is.

Maybe the guilt over everything wrought in season 10 is what makes Sam and Cas more willing to not object to the bomb in season 11... But overall, for the audience, Sam and Cas's emotions about it make us more likely to look upon the situation favorably. Plus, neither of them is Dean's "parent." We'd be much harsher if John came up with the bomb idea, or Mary for that matter.

To reiterate, no one is responsible, exactly. I'm really just bringing it up as a point of contrast. Each character's relationship to war swings like a pendulum and is greatly affected by their psychological-wounds-of-the-moment. They all tend to swing the extremes, from Apple Pie Escapism to Holy Cause to Black-and-White Rules, etc. (And no one, save Metatron, has the proper mindset in season 11 with regards to war. And he gets killed for his trouble, too...)

Dean + Ma'lak box + "Jack iSn'T fAmiLy"

Notably, in season 14, Sam and Cas flipflop on the idea of sacrificing family. They strongly object to Dean climbing into the Ma'lak box--a stark and welcome contrast to season 11's soul bomb.

Of note, sacrifice MUST BE a complicated topic for Dean here... When you look at the two sacrifices, in Dean's mind, they were collectively rewarded for his hero's sacrifice/soul bomb (the return of Mary) but punished for his "selfish" non-sacrifice/Ma'lak box (the loss of Jack's "personhood" + Mary's death). So yeah, sacrifice is complicated topic. It never emotionally feels like the right thing, but in media and religion and hero stories, it's the heroic thing.

Finally, Jack's bomb is also complicated by the "Jack isn't family" of it all. Dean has more trouble sacrificing and walking away from "family," whereas Sam n' Cas, were always more pragmatic commanders by nature, and have seemed, at least from a distance, way more comfortable sacrificing their (military) family members (See: Balthazar, Rowena, etc). Thus, Dean sunders Jack from family role in order to make the loss more tolerable. It's awful! But very real.

Honestly, I think it gets at the heart of the matter that they're all soldiers struggling with soldier relationships to Cause, especially Dean. The longer Dean fights, the more he becomes like season 4 Cas or AU Earth Michael in terms of feeling insecure in his wayfinding.

The grayer morality gets, the more he can feel the tension of his own wrongdoing and the less "real" everything all feels (derealization/depersonalization). The soul bomb parallel plays into what they're ALL struggling with in season 15--purpose. Purpose/meaning is The Answer to AU Michael (and Chuck's) nihilism/nothing matters theme. But they don't even know what's real anymore.

The war and the horror and the heartbreak has dissolved all the meaning.

That plays into what each of them is struggling with in the terminal seasons. Their shadow selves and their best selves.

Sam - "Martyrdom Versus Heroism" -> You and you alone can do it / Save the world / I won't break your independence even when your safety is at stake / Saving the world at the expense of your own life is brave and noble and heroic -> (Sam's tentative answer to that problem: "I still think it's wrong, though.") He seems to realize, somewhere in there, that restricting power can be protective; that disinhibition of all boundaries doesn't look so great from the other side of parenting. He has an "aha!" moment where he understands Dean's relationship to him re:the complex nature of protection. Yet, Sam's eureka moments don't quite hit. It needs more time to resolve, possibly in the form of parenting his son, Dean, IMHO.

Cas - "Destiny Versus Genuine Hope for the Future" -> Serve the right cause and even heinous actions take on noble meaning / Live up to the big destiny / Be the God I couldn't be / If you're alive, then your life has to Mean Something Big and Awesome / Wield the totalitarian power the right way, in My Image and in Your Mother's Image and in My Chosen Family's Image, and bring the universe to its feet -> (Cas's tentative answer to the problem: "We don't love you because you're part of some grand design. We love you for being you." Cas squeezes in a late "aha!" moment only after the revelation of Jack's incoming second death. Cas rediscovers his faith, but it takes him awhile to have faith in the Small Things, not just the Big Things. Having faith in the future is healthy. Having faith in predestination is not. Like Sam, Cas is not quite given enough room to resolve, but his gets the closest of the main three.

Dean - "The Law of Purgatory Absolutes Versus the Complicated Gray of the Real World / Nothing matters I don't matter" -> Kill the right enemy and the law becomes just / "My life's work is a hoax" / I've been burying my anger all my life and it's finally spilled out like angry Leviathan chompin' at the bit for blood / So, get revenge / Take out the threat / Serve the ugly cause at the cost of our own lives so others can be happy / We are already ruined heroes / We don't matter / Save our loved ones (Dean's tentative answer: "The ultimate killer is not who I am." ) Like the other two, Dean never quite resolves. It would need another good one or two seasons to do so. The Winchesters actually helps with the above! He specifically talked about it in 1x12: The Tears of Clown. However, in SPN Prime he at least doesn't seem to be languishing in a complete loss of hope, which is one positive way to spin the finale. Nor is he switching to a complete pacifism at the expense of the lives of the two Crowther boys they wind up saving. He's not running away/escaping. He's really trying.

And finally... Through all this, there is also the parallel of giving up ("sacrificing") your son to War or to God's Cause, so that you can finally retire, which is the entire Ugly Thing with War as a Concept. Non-fighters (typically symbolic mothers & daughters) + aging fathers are sold the lie that they must give up sons to the Cause in order to preserve and enjoy Freedom (which is WHY Jack's AU Earth nightmares are directly juxtaposed with Dean's dreams of Hawaiian shirts and beaches in 13x23).

Always peace OR freedom, never peace AND freedom.

More than any other character, Jack is symbolic son. He is treated as Heir to his fathers' burdens and responsibilities. And the burden is too heavy.💔

One last set of parallels, then, with Jack AS each main character's Symbolic Fate:

Jack as doomed child (Sam; Boy-king/gold)

Like Sam at various points, Jack becomes the cursed child, kneeling to accept his execution for the crime of "murdering" his own mother.

It's the Sacred Executioner's suicide, too, because this is truly, as Cain said, "The murder that Dean would (literally) not survive." Like with Sam, Dean balks at the order from the father-God and throws the gun away. Tragically, Dean is excommunicated and tossed into a literal headstone, a motif for his eventual Death in the story. Jack dies. Dean "dies."

Sam wounds God in the shoulder and suffers a left shoulder / heart connection with God. For a time, this "infects" Chuck with hope.

Jack as tool of war / blunt instrument / bomb (Dean; Death/myrrh)

When Jack takes the rib-bomb, he becomes Dean from season 11. He feels "unworthy," so he "might as well be the hero / blow himself up to ensure the happiness of others."

The would-be victims and civilians even thank him for it. As Dean told Death, "I don't matter." Heroes matter only so much as their sacrifices are worth.

Also, in comparison to Sam, Jack is fundamentally WAR SON. Whereas Dean was love-offering-object-sacrifice chosen by Amara's hunger, Jack is simply "Simba." He is heir to the burden of Heavenly hero by birthright, outranking Sam and Dean in terms of hierarchy.

Furthermore, Jack is not Earth-son; he's a Heaven-son (the "son" to Sam's earth-son "daughter" role here...I hesitate to use gendered language, but it's about the hierarchy an the expectations of War as a Concept. Jack outranks Sam in terms of hierarchal expectations).

It's also why it's a rib that is blowing up Jack. The rib also calls to mind "Mother," or the simpler, non-gendered poetic: "Earth," as Jack is literally being sacrificed by Earth.

Like with Dean's soul-bomb, Jack survives the lighting of the fuse. Dean survives by getting defused, and Jack survives by detonating in The Empty.

Paralleling the Equalizer confrontation, Death tries to take Jack anyway, the way God took him even when he survived his initial Moriah trial. This time, it's Dean who takes action. He wounds Death with her own scythe, in the shoulder, just as Sam injured God's shoulder.

Jack "escapes" bomb death and Death!Billie, and Dean sets into motion the death of Death!Billie. (Sam's enemy is Chuck!prime and Dean's enemy is Death.)

Jack as God (Cas; God-king/frankincense)

Finally, when he takes God's power, Jack accomplishes what Castiel could not.

This is the final destiny that Jack seems unable to escape--"eating" up all the power and becoming more God than God.

Despite Cas's change of heart in the final episodes, it is ultimately Castiel's burden of Being God and the expectation of Heavenly destiny that Jack inherits when he ascends.

Since during the Equalizer confrontation, Sam wounded God, and with the rib-bomb confrontation, Dean fatally wounded Death, the narrative parallel for Cas here would be to fatally wound or seriously injure powered up!Chuck-mara. But instead, he sacrifices himself for love. (I saw a meta about SPN being a battle royale between Chuck and Cas...this lends some WEIGHT to that!)

In the final confrontation, Cas is absent (dead!KIA in this case), as Cas tends to be. (It's one of his absent!father motifs.) So Jack, as Heavenly son in terms of rank, has to stand-in for Cas, and the price is TOO HIGH. :(

It's a terrible fate. Even when Jack wins, he loses. He becomes nothing and everything.

Sorry. sorry. That was a lot. I was stuck at medical facility, so.

[pumpumdemsugah]

Hi so this is gonna be pretty long and I’m looking for advice. I’m a black girl who’s 18 years old with 4 type hair. Long story short I’ve been through all the phases with trying love and embrace my hair. Back in middle school, I used to watch 3 type curly hair videos and complaining why my hair isn’t mimicking the same hair texture and nearly came to the point of hating my natural hair texture believing it was “Impossible to manage” and “too hard to grow”. My mom would constantly hide my hair in box braids or cornrows and gaslight me on how my hair isn’t made to be let out and if it is, she would always try to slick it back with gallons full of gel or do wash and go hairstyles to make it have a loose curl look. She always washed and braided my hair and never gave me the chance to do my own hair. Now that I’m older and more mature, I’ve come to terms with my hair and I’m learning to manage it on my own, now realizing 4 type hair isn’t even hard to take care of, the problem was me copying a hair texture that wasn’t mine. I’m trying to wear my hair in normal Afro hairstyles and I feel confident and get tons of compliments from other people but my mom and dad make fun of my hair and tell me I look “crazy in it”. My mom would tell me not to leave it out before my hair breaks off (cause it’s currently winter for me) but even in the summer she says the same shit. I’m so tired of box braids, I’ve worn them my whole life and I just want a break from them but my mom won’t leave me alone.

Aww I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It can be hard to build self confidence when your parents are picking at you. When I first started looking after my hair and trying things out, people straight up called me crazy. I'm not really sure how it didn't hurt my feelings because I'm very sensitive but I think it was knowing and affirming that what I'm doing to my hair is making it softer, longer and healthier so teen me would tell myself " they can think that with their dry ass hair " and eventually I started saying it to people lol my hair was juicy and moisturised

Maybe you can try twists or mini twists. Type 4 hair can hold twists for a long time and looks really cute and works well in winter. It can be an easy style to maintain and is similar enough to braids maybe your parents might leave you alone so you can continue to build more hair confidence. There're actually some really good mini twists routines on YouTube and this one woman wears twists all the time

Sometimes Black parents do not want to see things our way. They're so stuck on what they think is right it will take years for them to admit they're wrong. Sometimes all you can say, it's my hair and my problem and politely walk away, they might start to get annoyed and back off

I get money is always an issue and idk how old you are but this is why moving out for uni, even just for a year can be transformative. Not having that negativity in your ear for a year can help so much to the point the negativity doesn't stick

My hair getting a lot longer was what permanently shut people up but that's not exactly a solution

Keep pushing ❤️

[writingquestionsanswered]

My first act feels solid, it introduces the internal conflict and the main characters and sets their dynamic off to a good start.

But my second act feels a bit like random scenes strewn together, like there's not enough of a solid plot. The scenes all tie together into a story of two characters getting closer, their father/son dynamic tightening up and eventually becoming like family.

But it feels like there isn't enough substance. The scenes are all emotional fluff or angst, giving off fanfiction vibes.

I don't have enough obstacles, I suppose?

Any tips?

Thanks xoxo <3

Character-Driven Story Lacking Obstacles

Plot-driven stories are driven by the external conflict (a problem in the character's world). Character-driven stories are driven by the internal conflict (a problem in the character's self.) Just as with external conflict, internal conflict requires the formulation of a goal in an attempt to resolve the conflict. They may know exactly what their problem is and how to fix it, they may know what their problem is but are wrong about how to fix it (and inadvertently stumble into the right solution), or they may be wrong about the problem but they're on the right path about how to make their life better... just not for the reason they belief.

You can't have obstacles without opposition to cause them, and you can't have opposition without a goal the character is trying to reach in the first place. If you go out driving around aimlessly with no destination or purpose in mind and you get a flat tire, that's annoying, but it's not really an obstacle... it hasn't thwarted your progress as you try to reach a particular goal. So if you have a story where the characters are just aimlessly interacting, there are no obstacles because there's no goal.

So... figure out what it is your protagonist wants to achieve. Then, figure out what force is opposing them and why. For example, maybe your character's goal is simply to forge a father/son bond with the man--so what is pushing back against his attempts? Is it his own insecurities/doubts thanks to his relationship with is real father? Or maybe the man's insecurities/doubts thanks to the relationship he had with his real son (or even his own father)? Maybe it's the character's real father who's interfering? Or maybe the man's real son? Maybe it's a combination of things? Regardless, something has to be pushing back against your character's progress. The obstacles can come in the form of actual obstacles (like maybe the man's son shows up and monopolizes his time so that the character can't spend time with him) or it can be setbacks, like maybe they have a great day bonding at a baseball game, but then the man feels insecure and like he can't be a good adoptive father to the character, so he ghosts him for a while.

This is the REAL conflict of the story, not just the conflict at the heart of everything... whatever it is that makes the character want to bond with this man... but the character's struggle to overcome the obstacles between them and their attempt to resolve internal conflict.

I hope that helps!

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[brionysea]

have been thinking very hard about if mike does know about his powers lately

when dustin called mike oblivious, he meant that mike was acting obsessed with el (a result of mike's powers - part of the irl game) and didn't see how or why lucas was getting jealous about that (because lucas cares about mike)

the secret that's causing all this damage from season 3 onwards isn't that mike has powers, it's that mike is possessed because of his powers, and no one's telling him that because the solution would be complicated and probably something he's not ready for yet. mike is a very solution-oriented person so that wouldn't stop him from diving into the deep end and probably hurting himself in the process

the quarry, most of all. mike thinks it's unfair and annoying that he always gets the blame for everything, but he still had that moment of attempting suicide immediately after being blamed (like thrice over) for all the weird stuff that's been happening. no mike = no danger. he's not stupid. i don't believe he just naturally wants to die, that doesn't mesh with his characterisation, and they showed with max that there's usually a reason for it. mike's reason is highly connected to what the party was arguing about (superpowers being dangerous vs. awesome and creating collateral damage)

the stuff about "if the brain dies, the body dies" is concerning if he knows and could be used as an argument that he doesn't, but mike's reaction when nancy was talking about needing to kill the source? sadness, disappointment, caught off guard that his own sister wouldn't be on his side if she knew? and the irony, nancy the source is right in front of you

there was also that whole thing in season 2 where mike was actively trying to mimic el when she used her powers to find people - sitting cross-legged in the fort with a static radio channel to try and hear missing party members on. and it kinda worked in its own way when mike saw el through the void before he drew a boundary about going into his head and walked away

it's interesting whether it's a subconscious thing or something mike is Aware of, but like... people can't really keep secrets from mike? he somehow knew that max said "yeah, well, boyfriends lie" and he threw that in her face in front of everyone, implying more spying through the void than what we were shown and that he knows everyone else knows about what he can do

idk. mike was intentionally, repeatedly using that subtextual way of talking about himself a lot in season 4 for someone who's truly oblivious. jonathan actually checking if mike even notices the constant hints he's dropping also makes this argument difficult - "maybe it's hidden in the code somehow?" "what you just said makes no sense" - but jonathan was figuring out mike's powers and his possession, and the possession is the thing that mike himself couldn't figure out so it could just be about that

mostly, i think that this whole thing with mike's powers, where they're this dangerous secret that everyone who cares for him knows about but can never talk about, and if anyone else finds out about them it would put him in danger (hello, season 4 witch hunt in hawkins, the government trying to murder el, and troy trying to directly kill mike after mike "did something"), makes mike's powers very queercoded, and if that's the case then he kind of has to be aware of them? no one knows their own queerness better than the queer person in question

[tjmystic]

Rambling about Stranger Things, as always. If you're looking for coherence, this post is probably the wrong place for you lol:

I am not in any way against Will and Mike getting together, nor am I against Mike finding out that he's bi. I am, however, against El getting shafted. Just as much as I'm against Will getting his heart broken. Which sucks, cause the way they're setting this up seems like it's definitely gonna be one or the other here. (Seriously, when are writers going to figure out that polyamory is an option????)

Putting aside my feels about the inevitability of Will or El getting the boot, though, I'm mostly curious about all of this from a characterization standpoint. Because every time I think of these 3 and their potential romantic relationships, I think of one thing:

You don't do that as a 13-year-old boy when you aren't soul-deep in love with someone. You don't do that as any gender at any age unless you're in love. Likewise, while he was dedicated to finding Will in Season 1, Mike was equally dedicated to keeping Eleven safe. Contrast this with Lucas who thought Mike was getting distracted by Eleven and only cared about getting Will home. So I have a hard time accepting that Mike isn't in love with her. And I also look to the fact that both he and Nancy are historically awful at talking about their feelings, which makes more sense to me than the idea that he's stopped loving her by Season 4.

That being said, I acknowledge that these moments happened in Seasons 1 and 2 and I'm not really looking at moments that happened after that. I am entirely willing to admit thay I'm missing something because I'm stuck in the past. I also know that people and characters change. Especially in their teen years. Steve is top tier proof of this. But I guess the difference is that we got to see Steve go through his evolution. It feels like the only evolution we've seen with Mike is watching him become increasingly more annoyed and bored by everything. (Which isn't a complaint, by the way - unlike a lot of fans, I don't hate Mike or think that the writers have done him dirty. I think it's incredibly realistic for him to act this way at 14 or 15, especially after everything he's been through.)

I'm not trying to start a shipping argument (though I'm sure this will inevitably turn into one), I'm just curious about other people's perspectives here. I've seen all sorts of meta posts, but I'm just not seeing what either the Byler or Mileven people are seeing. All I'm seeing is a relatively normal teenage boy who is oblivious to the fact that his best friend is in love with him and is so emotionally stunted that he has difficulty telling his girlfriend that he's in love with her.

Why do you think that El should be left in the dust? Why do you think Will should get his heart broken? Why do you think they're both too good for Mike and should seek love elsewhere? Why do you think there's a way that all 3 of them can be happy, even though the writers are unlikely to give us the polyam solution that would easily wrap all of this up in a bow for us?

Give me your opinions, peoples, I'm curious :)

[medicinemane]

I get very tired of dealing with people who are so busy being "practical" that they're just totally prescriptive

I tend to be, I think, a fairly pragmatic person. Like most years I spend about... maybe $50 on myself for the whole year (this year is going to be a bit higher, but there's also specific utility to what I'm spending it on). I tend to not bother buying myself snacks, cause I know I'm mostly hungry, and if I'm hungry real food is a better deal (I sadly tend to fail to get ahold of the real food either)

My point is that I tend to be very goal oriented (not in a ladder climbing way, in a I set goals and then work towards them kinda way), I tend to be very focused on what will push my situations into being sustainable, I tend to look for high efficiency, low cost, long term solutions

I was... I was talking to that friend I'll say is Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass (I was more trying to talk to my dad, but they were both there). It was definitely Mr Dumbass today

For one thing, he was already saying a bunch of really fucking dumb shit where... it's so stupid I'm not even going to repeat it, where it's like the answer for why we don't do that is because it's obviously a moronically stupid idea on top of being immoral, and also totally ineffective you dipshit

So I already wasn't in the mood for him

Then, while talking about visiting my grandma, I mention how in order to start cooking I need sharp knives, none of my knives are sharp (cause my mom's a fool and dulls them all), and how it would really help if I could just take a knife from my grandma since she doesn't cook anymore and just... keep it as my personal knife that I keep sharp

(I can't do this, cause my grandma is... bug fuck crazy, and legit believes that if you gift someone a knife they'll kill people with it which like... where do you even get that idea, like she has literally said before that she'd give money to buy a knife but wouldn't give one as a gift... what?)

Anyway, Mr Dumbass starts going on about how I can just buy a new knife, and it's like no... in your quest for objective practicality you've lost all pragmatism

I don't need to buy a new knife, I need to learn to sharpen knives which... which I just have a bit of a block on cause I've had trouble figuring out how to sharpen stuff so far (I've come to suspect that which of the hard and soft stones you use first and second isn't intuitive and I've been trying to hone with the sharpening stone and sharpen with the honing stone)

Like... to get mean for just a slight moment, shut your fool mouth, you've got more money than I've ever even touched, and while you were poor at one point when you were younger you've clearly forgot, and not everyone can just buy stuff

Also you're saying a bunch of dumb shit tonight with such confidence and it's pissed me off

He's capable of being a very very smart and compassionate person, and then other times he's a damn fool, and far too often he... he talks about practicality without actually understanding how to be practical

Being practical requires working in the confines of reality

...I don't know, I don't think I have all the words I need to explain what I'm saying, but the point is he's annoyed me and people who act like him annoy me where it's like... nothing matters in the end other than if you actually solve something

You can talk all day about what someone "should do", but what matters is what they will do

So it gets frustrating talking with my family with him cause he has all this ideas where it's like... that functionally won't work, and like some of his great ideas are how I can just wait for my grandma to die and get the knife then and it's like... yeah... but I need a knife now dummy, and I have knives, and which is more useful?

Dropping a pretty penny on a new knife, or finishing learning a skill I really fucking need badly and that makes it so I can sharpen things for next to free forever?

...I'm just tired of having to do everything myself and getting no help, that's all. How about you shut your fucking mouth, stop trying to offer advice that's worse than my plans I'm already slowly turning the gears on making happen, and just let me bitch about my idiot relatives?

Laughing at this fool antics when he chooses to do that, legitimately is more helpful than any attempts to help

[merge-conflict]

Since you asked twice: 4, 61, & 66 for the fic writer asks :>

Heheh :3 (questions here)

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

I ask myself questions. The scope and number of questions depends on the idea. Am I looking to complete a next scene? Why don't I know what the character will do next? Do they need to make a decision, or does something need to motivation to move past an obstacle? Is their struggle internal or external at this moment? Are they at full capacity or are they tired or hurt and more likely to mess up or do something impulsive?

For fic ideas it's just that but broader. Usually I get a snippet of a scene or inspiration from some outside source- either my own life or some other story. Maybe I just think that two characters should meet, or be put in a situation where they have to fight. Maybe Johnny should punch Valentine in the face. Then I just work backwards from there- what kind of pressure would cause them to be angry at each other? If they have an argument can it be exacerbated by some vulnerability or just because they're having a bad day? Because something else happened and now they're on a hair trigger? What would cause them to fight instead of just walk away? And then just sort of reverse engineering the situation from there. It fails a fair amount of the time, but asking the questions themselves helps flesh things out to make it easier to work out ideas for those characters or any characters, so there's never anything lost through brainstorming.

Also honestly sometimes when I can't think of anything or I'm frustrated and want to vent or cry about it... I'll give myself a weird objective. Try a new POV. Keep it a certain length. Change tense. Write about someone without ever saying their name. It also doesn't always work, but concentrating on some new kind of goal often gets me out of the pit I've been languishing in even when it fails.

61. Why do you continue writing fics?

I love doing it, and also I can't really control my brain when it comes up with stories. So they're going to be in my head anyway, and writing them down helps me develop them and enjoy them even more. Obviously I do love and enjoy the community part of writing fanfiction, and getting feedback and engagement. (Love it. Crave it. Don't we all?) But ultimately I just love doing character studies, and constructing scenes and making things. Sometimes I "write" for hours and get very little done but I really enjoy that time, and if that ever changed I wouldn't do it.

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

I don't think any of those things worry me too much. I do feel bad for not updating regularly sometimes but I hardly do anything regularly. I could keep a habit for 3 months and drop it in 2 days for something new. If I don't like something I'm hitting the bricks. Honestly the biggest struggle I have is that period of time just before and just after sharing a story- it's like as soon as I hit post my self-confidence dives, and by that time I've usually reviewed my own writing so many times that it just looks like garbage. Similar to saying a word over and over until it becomes meaningless and annoying? It's kind of the worst. So far the only solution I've found is to leverage my adhd and distract myself until I'm out of the danger zone. I've also found the more I do it the easier it gets, like exposure therapy. The anxiety poison damage from posting gets a little less now that I know "How It Works (tm)".

I do often get stuck on something (a scene, etc.) but my writing process is really messy and so I will leverage having multiple projects and just sort of tool around through them until I find something I can make progress on. If I have motivation I have to follow it or I'll never do anything so just going with the flow and not getting too hung up on doing things In Order or finishing my writing veggies before my writing dessert. Having little to no executive function means that there are some things that I can't do without spending extra spoons and I'm alright with some comfortable chaos.