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chaoticbardlady99 · 2 months

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Nobody's Fool Part 3 (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: Astarion reflects on his plan and progress thus far. You and Karlach accidentally eat the wrong kind of mushrooms.

Content Warning: Dead Dove (Astarion), accidental drug use (btw, Mushrooms had a very emotional effect on me so that is my current frame of reference)

Part 2 : Part 4 : Master list

Here’s the thing.

Astarion and Shadowheart had sex, but there was absolutely no chemistry between them. It was awkward in a weird way and they both just kinda ended up… lying there. They blamed it on the alcohol initially, but his brain wandered to you that night and how stupid he was to veer from his initial plan. Shadowheart had no loyalty to him, but you followed him around like an adorable pup.

You are way too good and of course you would give him another chance. Certainly you can still go “walk along the beach” or whatever the hells you had asked. Astarion would give you a night you would never forget and you would forget about his rejection entirely.

He figured he would use your little crush to get what he wanted- insured safety. Astarion would provide you with good sex and honeyed words for the duration of the journey and it would all be “peaches and crème” as Gale has said in the recent past.

Shadowheart and Astarion agreed that they could not attempt that with each other again and agreed to become temporary allies. She keeps Karlach away from you so Astarion can get back in your good graces and Shadowheart can eventually get into Karlach‘s bedroll. Only, how would he convince you that he actually cares for you when he still didn’t at all?

Shadowheart obviously didn’t know he didn’t care, but he was a convincing enough liar that the queen of “deception” didn’t even notice his emotional fib.

So their next solution was to tell a big, fat white lie.

“He said their name during sex!” Shadowheart scoffed as Astarion eavesdropped nearby, “I am broken up about it- devastated.”

And how well did that fucking go?

Piss. Fucking. Poor.

Astarion and Shadowheart found themselves at a loss. You were still exceptionally distant and wouldn’t engage in a conversation at all and Karlach was too busy spending time with you. Fort Tavlach was becoming a very big annoyance to both of them.

So they proceeded to do what they had wanted you both to do. Shadowheart has had a bit easier of a time considering Karlach is more forgiving, outgoing, and confident. However, Astarion is unsure of where he stands with you.

At first it made him panic because he had had a plan. Astarion needs you on his side for safety reasons.

Why couldn’t you be like everyone else and just… not respect him? This is not how this is supposed to work. You are supposed to ignore his boundaries- insist he be with you.

Suddenly, he found himself beginning to genuinely miss your company at night. He wished he had invested a bit more time in your conversations together and the less he got to know you the more he wanted to know.

There were snippets here and there- any piece of information anyone seemed to have or whatever you were willing to give him.

He pushed the unwelcome warm thoughts away and refocused on his plan. Astarion knows he is going to have to really really work to get back in your good graces so he bought that damn necklace at full price (definitely not because he was actually concerned because that would be nonsense and this is all part of his very well thought out plan).

You looked so happy and he became caught up in the conversation with you. You were being less guarded like you had before. Astarion became very aware of how beautiful your eyes are and how expressive they are. Hells, he really noticed how beautiful you are and it hit him like you did the night before when he scared you. He honestly didn’t think you were capable of punching anyone in the stomach that hard and you felt so bad, but he was mostly turned on. Exceptionally impressed too.

Your laughter washed over him in waves and he truly felt calm for the first time in the last 200 years. He is safe with you without having to give you every piece of him right away. You have never wavered in your loyalty and support to him- merely just drew back to respect his space and to try to move on.

Astarion began hanging out with you every chance he could find- continuously convincing himself that this is all a part of his grand masterfully crafted

His trance had gripped him and he felt like he was back in Cazador’s palace. It was the night his scars were carved into his back. Astarion could still feel every single moment of Cazador branding him.

He was so grateful you let him spend time with you and that you didn’t kick him out. Astarion listened to your pulse the entire night until he was lulled into a trance- a much more peaceful and happy one. It had been one of the first days you were all traveling together and you fought all those disgusting Gnolls together.

You were so beautiful that day- covered in blood and adrenaline in your eyes. You were so protective of all of them and you had checked on each of them a million times. He only woke up again because the end of that memory was you passing out from a wound you hadn’t realized you had. It jolted him awake.

He has spent every night since in your tent- he is too afraid to bring you to his because it’s not the cleanest and it feels like his very private space. Astarion wants to wait for whatever reason.

You have never pestered, asked, or forced your way in while he has pushed himself upon you. Astarion had tried to stay in his tent one night after a hunt and he ended up in your tent anyway.

You had been too warm and struggling to sleep. He quickly amended that issue. He hasn’t stayed away since.

Except for right now while you are busy. Astarion is trying to read this stupid, probably evil, powerful book and it won’t let him.

The thoughts are insane and wild- the spells on the pages and the dark magic calls out to him like a harpy’s song. One of the spells rings louder than the others- playing on his jealousy and new found relationships with promises of a powerful new spell that will dampen his hunger.

He would if it wouldn’t upset you so much and this book is very convincing. It’s terrible, but he does not want to upset you. He rather likes being by your side lately and most importantly- he has a plan to tend to.

“No… I won’t kill them!”

Astarion pauses for a moment- the book coaxing a name out of him anyway.

“Well, maybe Wyll.”

He has felt bitter towards the Warlock since you walked back into camp with him and then when you began talking to Wyll more than Astarion.

No- it was not fair. He fucked up.

It didn’t make him any less bitter though.

“Well if I have a say,” your melodic voice flows through his ears, “could you kill someone, I don’t know, maybe a little less useful?”

Astarion slams the Necromancy of Thay with a start. He wasn’t expecting you to be back for a while- you had been talking to Wyll after you washed off and Astarion had opened a book about Necromancy to take his mind off of what it would be like to join you- A. At the river and B. Interjecting himself into the conversation.

It’s probably a good thing you came over when you did, but now his jealousy has decided to rear it’s ugly head.

“How useful can he be when he won’t seem to stop talking to you every chance he gets?” He scowls, “hardly the quality of work I would expect from the mighty ‘Blade of Frontiers’!”

“A-“

“You know,” he interrupts, far too heated to notice your confused expression, “Wyll’s the sort of prince type I would have once dreamed of marrying. When I was about thirteen.”

He realizes his tone is sharp and angry. Astarion also realizes this may not be fair, but his impulsivity seems to be outweighing better judgment.

He crosses his arm, trying to avoid eye contact without making it too obvious (he actually manages to succeed somehow by staring just past your face).

“So will you be dedicating yourself entirely then to your new, true love? Should I be returning to my tent to-“

“Will you shut your blood hole for a minute and let me speak?”

Astarion is snapped back to reality and your eyebrows are furrowed- face screwed up as you search his features and he feels exceptionally vulnerable. Are you deciding if he is even worth spending time with? Maybe you are regretting letting him get close to you again.

The idea makes his stomach turn. He really screwed up this time. Now he’s going to have to watch you with Wyll and probably hear the act of him ‘burying his blade’.

Your features have softened significantly- whatever you found in Astarion’s features had been what you needed apparently. Again, he feels naked, vulnerable.

Like being chained and forced to let Cazador carve into his back. Only, he doesn’t know what his punishment will be for speaking out of turn this time.

Nothing, he thinks, because they would never do that to me.

“Where is this coming from?” You ask slowly, “Wyll and I have always talked and it’s never bothered you before.”

Astarion feels… frozen. He can’t tell you why it bothers him now. Well, he could and it would go along exceptionally well with his plan to reel you back in, but that would be crossing the threshold into reality. The feelings would be too real for that kind of connection and it could be what leaves him open to be blindsided or seriously hurt.

“I-I suppose I am just making sure I sleep in the right place tonight,” he chuckles awkwardly, “I would hate to stumble across you and Wyll ‘burying his blade’ if you catch my meaning.

“And I do mean sex, to be clear.”

You sigh heavily with a chuckle and an adorable roll of your eyes. He knows you can see right through him. You are exceptionally good at that and he doesn’t care for it a whole lot.

To his own surprise, you hug him and it’s probably the most gentle touch he has ever received from another in the last 200 years.

At first he is reluctant, but when you go to pull away, he unfreezes and returns it.

You smell like fresh laundry and a lovely spring evening. It feels right to have you this close to him and in such an intimate capacity. Astarion has to really keep himself from whining like a child when you pull away and begin your journey to your tent for the night.

“I can assure you that if anyone is going to share my tent with me, I would choose you over everyone everywhere, anytime,” you say promptly, turning around and calling over your shoulder, “so if you are feeling up to it, you are welcome to join me in my tent for our usual chatting sessions and a cuddle. Otherwise, I will be sleeping alone.”

And there you go- leaving him absolutely speechless in your wake. You are much much sassier and sure of yourself than he remembers to give you credit for sometimes. He is trying to ignore the giddiness that lights up his nervous system at your words.

He used to thrive off of you being his little pup- following him around and waiting for his direction. Now he’s the hopeless fool in the situation and is quickly on your heels- following you to your tent.

You turn and seem surprised that he is there before you flash one of your brilliant smiles.

Speechless- you leave him speechless. Astarion wants to kiss you and he wants to ask.

Yet, he can’t get himself to. He doesn’t want your companionship to turn into a sexual connection just yet- maybe before, but he actually has come to really enjoy your company. In spite of his better judgment and his plan, he does not want to jeopardize every last bit of hard work he put into fixing your relationship.

So instead you both sit and talk. Astarion finds himself asking you more questions than he had previously and he is filled with thousands of them.

“I am excited to get out of the Underdark,” you yawn and stretch, “I miss the sun and the moon. Oh and not accidentally walking into some kind of spore that makes me laugh until I wish to keel over and die.”

Astarion grimaces in agreement. He had been the unfortunate victim of those stupid things today and he is very lucky he doesn’t need air. You were very very worried, but he gestured for you to stay back- the last thing anyone needed was for you to pass out. None of them would be organized without you and they would probably all fight over who gets to bring you back or who leads everyone back home. It sounded like too much effort and mental exhaustion for his liking.

“I really don’t care for it down here,” he sighs, “I want to enjoy my time in the sun for as long as I can and the lack of Minotaurs is a bonus.”

You shudder, “those things are absolutely terrifying. I am glad we have been able to avoid them for the most part, but I don’t want to have to fight them head on.”

“Don’t worry, Darling, I am sure you can outwit them anyday. They are lucky they have been able to avoid you if I am being entirely honest.”

Your grin is wonderful and you blush. Astarion can hear your heart kickstart and you are definitely smitten with him. His plan is working- he should be thrilled. He should make his move.

You may have become more important to him than a stupid plan and he isn’t happy about it (maybe he is a little).

You fall asleep shortly- your head is on his chest and his hand plays aimlessly with your hair. Astarion has noticed that this act helps you fall asleep and it also seems to help lull him into a trance too.

Sometimes memories blend together in a negative way. Other times, his trances, like his current one, is imagery of you both destroying Cazador and traveling together in the aftermath.

These trances may be his favorite guilty pleasure. Both of you are safe, happy, and definitely enamored with one another for eternity.

**************************************************************

You and Karlach keep staring at each other from across the fire, but it’s because you both made a truly terrible mistake.

You had both been searching for something to use for kindling and you were both giddily talking about your respective crushes. You have both considered that they may be using you to make each other jealous, but the more they compare notes, the less and less it appears to be the case.

It was supposed to be a harmless snack- Karlach insisted that the mushrooms were the “safe and non- magic” kind and that they were ‘delicious’.

You both feel positively fucking insane. You barely made it back to camp and even then, Astarion walked up to you, said something, and you could only focus on how he kept changing color. Oh and he was speaking in a language you are certain isn’t real either.

You feel like you are underwater but your mind could not be more clear. Your eyes hurt from how bright everything is, but you feel like you are finally seeing the world.

This really, really needs to end soon.

“What is with you two?!” Gale asks in exasperation, “it is not dinner time yet! Quit trying to bully me into feeding you. You lot are worse than Tara!”

However- it sounds like botched common and neither one of you can understand a word he is saying.

The silly magic man says silly silly words.

You giggle like a mad man at Karlach’s telepathic message. She begins to giggle too and Gale’s worry comes off of him in great waves.

Literally- you are watching it ripple from his body.

Gale says something again and you both begin laughing harder.

“Silly- silly magic man says silly words,” Karlach wipes away her tears, “what is his name again?”

What… is his name again? It’s something silly right?

“GALE!” You scream, “LIKE THE WIND A MIGHTY EAGLE SOARS ON!”

You gasp, looking at Gale before looking to Karlach, “HIS NAME IS ALSO A SPELL AND HE IS A WIZARD!!!!!”

You and Karlach are crying with laughter

You don’t remember standing on the log nor do you remember falling, but you feel Astarion’s delicate fingers on your hips and you bite your bottom lip so hard it bleeds.

His touch feels electric. You feel like you are really physically melting.

“Darling?”

Swimming, swimming, swimming, and yet he is clear as day. You blink up at him adoringly- awaiting his next words with a baited breath.

Your mushroom addled mind is certain he is looking at you with equal amounts of adoration, but also a lot of concern.

Other people join and eventually you are being dragged to your tent- both you and Karlach screaming your “SEE YA LATER!”s as Shadowheart drags her off.

You lazily allow Astarion to guide you to your tent and when you collapse onto your bed roll- he quickly follows. You lay on your back and stare at the ceiling- lost in your silly little thoughts while he is looking at you like you have lost your mind.

You want to tell him what you are thinking, but instead, you become sad. Astarion is so beautiful in all the ways and you really wish he felt the way you feel about him. You would take him seashell hunting on every beach that exists. He would never know how it felt to be used or disrespected again and you would willingly be with him. In spite of all the baggage and emotional trauma- the things that “scared Shadowheart off” according to Karlach, you would choose him every time.

Technically, you already do. You may not be who he wants and one day you will watch him walk away from you forever, but at least he will know how he should be treated.

It doesn’t prevent your wistful and hopeless thinking any less. Your chest feels heavy and you feel burdened with your emotions. They hurt.

You could fall asleep together every night and share goodnight kisses if you were together. You could talk while being entangled in each other’s embrace, bath together because you really love the idea of spoiling him in that way.

Hells, you could even envision yourself having sex with him (and you have envisioned it, but you ignore that).

You desire to connect with him on every level, but he will never want that with you and it becomes very hard for you to breathe or speak all of a sudden.

“Darling?” His voice is soft, comforting, and heartbreaking in the same breath, “what’s wrong?”

You look back up at the ceiling and just imagine Selune reminding you that there will be others- trying to think of literally anything else. What happened to your happy mood? Why are you having emotional whiplash?

Cool fingers wipe away your tears and a whimper leaves your lips before you begin to cry even harder.

Why doesn’t he love you? Why can’t the one person you have fallen in love with love you back? It’s not his fault, but Gods it’s not fair that you will watch him be with other people for as long as you live and doomed to die without him, always wishing you could have at least walked on that damn beach together. At least then you would have that memory to hang on to.

You feel him hold you- the electricity rippling through you and you can hear him trying to ask you what is wrong.

Your head is spinning- you are so confused and emotionally not feeling well, but now you are beginning to feel better. Co-regulation or something like that. It’s common practice in Selunite Culture- it’s meant to help their youngest members get through uncomfortable emotions. You always loved the concept, but you never experienced it yourself until that one night with Wyll. You never anticipated Astarion being here for you like this.

His fingers running through your hair pulls you out of your despair and into a happier mood. Your tears begin to fade to mere sniffles and you swear you feel a soft pair of lips press a kiss to your forehead.

“That’s it, Darling. Come back to me and out of your spiraling.”

You giggle, “spiralinggggggg is my specialty. Have you ever tried to watch Shadowheart read a map? No wonder she got kidnapped. If she had to keep me from spiralingggg I fear I would be lost forever.”

Astarion pauses for a second out of shock alone before he begins to laugh along with you. The sound makes your heart feel so full. How wonderful it is to make someone else happy after they have been so miserable for so long.

“I am guessing the ‘magic’ of the Underdark has consumed your mind?”

You nod enthusiastically and with a big yawn- your sadness was excruciatingly intense. You feel like you could nap for an eternity.

“Karlach thought they were the yummy kind, not the funny kind.”

He snorts and you swear you feel another kiss being placed on the side of your temple. You hum happily and curl up against him when he lays you both down.

“I think this is my favorite place to be,” you say absentmindedly, no longer in a state of mind to be aware of your words.

“Your tent?” His voice is laced with confusion.

You laugh, in spite of yourself, “no! Laying here with you, silly.”

The quietness in the tent would bother you if you weren’t in la la land.

“I- I think this may be my favorite place to be too.”

“In my tent?” You mimic.

You can feel him roll his eyes, “very funny, Darling.

“I meant… laying here with you.”

Astarion’s voice is so coy and quiet. You prop yourself up and peer at his face. He looks conflicted and unsure about something.

“What is it? Did I say something wrong?”

“Not at all,” he says with a smile, “in fact, you say all the right things the majority of the time.”

“Why thank you!” You beam, “I may not be a very wise cleric, but I am certainly a charismatic one!”

“Hmm I would argue against your statement, but you are currently experiencing magic mushrooms and aren’t clerics supposed to know things like that?”

“I am good at the magic piece,” you grumble, “not so much the herbology shit or whatever. Too much to remember and now my HEAD HURTS TRYING TO REMEMBER!”

Astarion laughs and shakes his head- you are far goofier than anyone else he has ever met and of course you would say that about herbology. You look like you want to commit a war crime anytime Gale begins talking about Alchemy.

“I am so sorry that I have caused you so much distress, Darling,” he says dramatically, “whatever can I do to make it up to you?”

Your brain hits serious mode and you look at him with the most serious expression you can think of.

“Write to me sometimes when this journey ends?” Your voice strains, “don’t forget about me? Please? Or at least don’t forget about me until I’m long gone in the physical sense?”

You chuckle awkwardly, but your tears betray you. Astarion is quick to wipe away your tears and he grabs your hand on his chest- kissing your knuckle.

“My Dear,” he says softly, “I have no intentions of forgetting about you and well, the details of after our little adventure can be discussed when you are a bit more clear minded. I don’t want you to suggest we go and ‘explore’ the Cloakwood or something insane like that.”

You understand what he is saying, but you also don’t so you just grin and scoff.

“I would not say we should travel to the- okay, wait. That may actually be a good idea because all of the people getting trapped there by fey-“

Astarion interrupts you with a finger on your lips and an unamused expression that makes you giggle.

“You are an insufferable hero and while I adore you for it- I must save you from yourself. No visiting the Cloakwoods.”

“Fineeeeeeeeeeeeee,” you lay your head back against his chest, smiling and the urge to sleep filling your body, “I will win eventually.”

He snorts in response.

“We will see about that, Darling.”

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zoloteh-volossya · 17 days

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Some Thoughts on Minthara

A repeating theme of all of the Origin companions is that what they think they want at the beginning of the game is a result of their fucked up pasts and is ultimately bad for them. Shadowheart wants to be a DJ, but that cuts her off from the potential to grow beyond Shar and loss. Lae'zel wants to Ascend, which would obliterate her in her entirety. Karlach would rather die than go back to hell, but dying cuts off the potential continued life she may find thanks to that Infernal Forge. Astarion wants to Ascend, which locks him into a cycle of violence, power, and fear. Gale has two failures of goals - first to kill himself for Mystra's forgiveness, then to Ascend (which hollows him out of all the originally noble intentions he had going into it). Wyll wants to serve, no matter what the cost to himself - which would lead him to stay pacted to Mizora when freedom beckons.

All of these initial goals stem from the environments/abuses that the companions are coming from. And they're all understandable! But they're unhealthy and/or maladaptive, and so in order for every Origin companion to get to their best/happiest ending they need to change and grow away from what they initially thought they wanted due to the influence of their pasts and personal flaws.

Minthara, when we meet her under her own free will, has abandoned Lolth but not her attitudes. She seeks love, yes, but also seeks any sort of power she can get her hands on with a desperation borne of fear. She cares deeply for Karlach and Lae'zel and reluctantly for Astarion, Shart, and Gale, but is willing to enslave them all as she herself was enslaved if it makes her Top Dog. Her ideal ending is codependent evil power couple with you, controlling the brain - and I think that's her 'bad' ending, akin to Ascended Astarion or DJ Shart.

Basically, I think there’s two sides to her. There's the side that desires genuine connections and is willing to go to hell for Karlach even if unromanced... and the side that chases power even if it means doing things like enslaving Karlach. She wants purpose (per her dialogue upon leaving Moonrise), a home and friends (per her dialogue when leaving the party), and protection (per her dialogues with the player). I think if she was able to obtain those things through sources other than trying to conquer Menzoberranzan/the Sword Coast she might be able to express the former side of herself more.

We see a bit of that in her Karlach romance, where she throws aside all concerns of seeking power to go to hell for her girlfriend. She doesn't talk of conquering or ruling Avernus - her focus is purely on vengeance for Karlach. It's an interesting reevaluation of her priorities and also why I like her pairing with Karlach so much.

As a side character, she doesn't get a questline and arc like the Origin companions get. But I think that it is notable that her happiest ending seems to be staying in Baldur's Gate. In her epilogue dialogue with Origin!Lae'zel she confesses that she is not happy if she pursues reconquering Menzoberranzan, and harbors doubts about her ability to succeed.

Because ultimately - as Ascended Astarion shows - pursuing power and conquest does not actually make you happier or safer. It just means a life dominated by fear. Lolth's treatment of the drow - and thus the drow treatment of each other - has been compared by writers of canon D&D novels to an abusive relationship. And like so many other survivors of abuse, Minthy is out of the immediate situation but still carries that way of thinking worn into her psyche, like ruts in a road.

She’ll never be “nice” or even necessarily “good,” but I’d like to think that over time, in the right environment, she can leave behind most of the self destructive power seeking of the Lolthite mindset. Move on from the toxic patterns of her past, as the Origin companions get to do in game.

#bg3 #minthara #meta #discussion #mine #before you ask #yes i am planning a fic exploring this #(not) coming soon to an ao3 near you #bc i write at the approximate speed of a snail #but the idea has been in the works for a long time #as has the idea for this little essay

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cosmicaces · 3 months

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i've never been good at writing intros to posts and that isn't gonna change today, esp since only a handful of people are probably gonna read this. i am making this post for me, because this is something i noticed and i wanna talk about it. leave it to me to make a detailed post about a character from a movie from three years ago.

rody has pstd! let's talk about it

[ID: A screenshot from MHA: World Heroes' Mission. Rody is pointing at Deku, winking. Deku looks annoyed. End ID.]

to preface this:

i am not a professional 👍 i have ptsd 👍

analyzing characters is fun for me! this is how i am interpreting rody with what i know about him from the little media he's been in + some additional speculation. feel free to incorporate this into your belief system. or not! all that i ask is that you bear with me.

now, before i get into it (preface...2!):

everyone knows about fight or flight, right? well, did you know that there are actually 5 trauma responses? fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and flop. (there may be more, but these are the ones that have the most information on them.)

fight and flight are the body's primary responses to a bad situation. freeze, fawn, and flop are more complex responses that happen when the first two aren't available. little self-explanatory, but for the sake of infodumping:

freeze: the body is in a state of hyperarousal. the muscles are tight and ready for action but is ultimately paralyzed. think of a deer in headlights.

fawn/befriend/submit: this response involves complying/befriending the aggressor; people-pleasing in an effort to remain safe. this is more common in cases of abuse.

flop/shutdown/collapse: the body is in a state of hypoarousal, aka its shutting down; muscles go slack, brain stops receiving sensory info. this can often result in fainting. you know how some people faint when they see blood? or when they're on a rollercoaster? yeah, it's this.

it's important to have this context. as a matter of fact, you probably already know where i'm going with this:

rody faints when deku is climbing up the bridge. of course, right? he had reached such a heightened level of fear that, when his brain realized it couldn't trigger one of the other four responses, he just... flopped. why bring this up? well, and i think this is easy to miss, but rody didn't pass out once. he actually passed out twice.

when they first reached the train, it appears that, in their brief moment of safety, rody had collapsed.

[ID: Deku picks up Rody to shield him from Beros's oncoming arrow attack. End ID.]

[ID: Deku is carrying Rody, swinging under the bridge in an effort to evade Beros's attacks. At the end, Rody appears as though he is coming to. End ID.]

up until this point, rody had been freaking out during their escape from the police. for him to have no initial response to being physically moved by deku... hell, he looks like he's just coming to. if we're going based off of the dub, he even yells "what's happening?!" simply put: he shut down and, more specifically, he shut down in what had been perceived as a moment of respite.

the reason i point this out is because, while we don't choose our trauma responses, there are events that can impact what they can be.

so... what is the purpose of the flop response?

quoting from an article here, but it's thought to help people in three different ways: to reduce the mental impact of the circumstances, to cause a physical disconnect (thus experiencing the trauma less directly), and to prevent additional assault.

the point i'm trying to make here is, well...

[ID: A flashback showing Rody protecting his siblings. A villain strikes him with a pipe. End ID.]

rody's been assaulted! and this is only one instance that we know of. we don't fully know what he's had to go through when providing for his siblings, but there is no doubt that there have been negative repercussions on his mentality.

did you notice how he startles easily?

[ID: Rody puts his hand on Deku's shoulder, scaring him. His response startles Rody, causing him to flinch backwards. End ID.]

[ID: Bakugou suddenly appears behind Rody, causing him to jump. He flinches back, turning to face him. Pino is also startled, flying to sit over on his other shoulder. End ID.]

with ptsd, some people can develop an exaggerated startle response. this happens when your nervous system gets stuck in survival mode. your brain is hypervigilant; any sudden sound or movement that you don't expect can make you feel like you're in danger and your body has to be ready to react in a given moment.

look at the difference between how deku and rody flinch. deku has a standard flinch, but rody violently flinches, almost as though he's been struck. do you see how he moves his head? his arms? how, after both instances, he's starting to sweat? yeah 👍

continuing along this line of thinking, let's talk about rody's attempted betrayal.

[ID: Rody being approached by the oni villain. He braces himself for the attack, clutching at his head. End ID.]

i feel like most people, when cornered and under the imminent threat of being attacked, try to block it or defend from it in some way. rody... didn't do that. as a matter of fact, it looks like he's trying to hide.

[ID: Deku runs towards Rody, shielding him from an arrow. Rody panics and turns away. End ID.]

additionally, in this scene, rody is apologizing. in this moment, he sincerely believed that deku was going to hurt him for his betrayal. instead of trying to run, he just... froze. braced himself again. i know he was very scared, but, despite deku having just saved him, seeing his fear at being approached... psychologically, there's something else going on here.

i think rody had been re-traumatized.

again, we only have that one flashback regarding a violent encounter with villains, but i genuinely have reason to believe that it wasn't a one-off scenario. the only reason rody tried to fight was to defend his siblings. they are his reason for continuing forward. but... what if there were times when they weren't there? and he had to face the villains by himself?

... yeah. i think that's why he responded the specific way that he did. his life was actively in danger, yes, but how many times had he been in that position? pleading, trying to garner sympathy about his siblings, wanting to be let go? i think the severity of his psychological distress in that instant is what caused him to try and hide rather than attempt to minimize any incoming damage.

as for feeling threatened by deku, that can be easily explained, too. rody talked quite a bit about betrayal, it seemed like a very natural thing to talk about. he's probably had to betray some villains and gotten hurt for it. honestly, you could probably argue that this contributed to his confusion regarding deku protecting him instead.

similarly with starting posts, i am also very bad at ending them 👍

tldr; rody soul has ptsd as a result of his encounters with villains after his father's disappearance. this has given him an exaggerated startle response as well as both a freeze/collapse response in times where his life is threatened. who knows what other symptoms he may have! what we can say for sure is that this kid needs therapy.

if you read all this, thanks! i hope you enjoyed me dissecting him like a bug.

#cosmic chatter #rody soul #bnha #mha #my hero academia #character analysis #blorbo tag #does a kickflip #rody 🤝 hunter: traumatized 16 yr olds who have a little bird #cw eyestrain #for the gifs. super cannot forget that

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hauntingsofhouses · 7 months

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I was wondering, what do u think Taigen reaction to finding out about Mizu being a woman will be? Although I don’t think he will have a bad reaction I wanted to know what u thought about it?

OOH I like this question because the thoughts on this have been swirling around in my brain for a while and I don't think I ever properly talked about this, outside of maybe this post (which is barely coherent imo). There, I compared Mizu/Taigen to Mizu/Mikio, as well as to the main romantic couple in the movie Yentl. Then from both those comparisons, I tried to speculate on Taigen's reaction to Mizu's gender reveal, based on what would make the most narrative sense.

However, I didn't really analyse Taigen himself in that post, and neither did I ever come up with a concrete conclusion to what his reaction may be. So this ask gives me a good chance to speculate even further and hopefully come up with a proper and more in-depth answer.

Similar to you, anon, I don't think Taigen will have a bad reaction per se, though I guess it depends on what you'd define by bad.

Because this is Taigen we're talking about, I don't think he'd exactly be chill about it. He's very much a drama queen, especially around Mizu, as he's never afraid of stepping on her toes, and thus will vocalise his feelings to her whenever he's feeling them. That, combined with his short temper and his brashness, means that there's almost certainly going to be conflict when he finds out the truth. He will be shocked, and because he's immature, he'll be angry and upset because of this shock. Simply because he doesn't know, and hasn't yet learned, how to deal with his emotions in any other way besides getting angry.

So I think that will definitely be his first instinct. To get upset.

I don't think he'd immediately know why he's upset. Maybe only after a few minutes of angry questioning (think something along the lines of "Why are you telling me this now?!" and "You've been hiding this all this time?!"), he'd finally come up with some tangible cause for his anger.

What would the cause for his anger be then? Well, it could be several things.

Possible Reason #1

He feels "betrayed" because Mizu didn't trust him enough with the truth even after the two have grown close, and after Taigen has put his life on the line for her numerous times.

Possible Reason #2

He feels "cheated" because Mizu is not the man he'd believed she was, thus making it feel like their entire friendship was a sham. This is because the basis for their relationship, in the way he'd related to her, bullied her, envied her, admired her, allied himself with her, and eventually grown attracted to her, had been entirely based off the premise and belief that Mizu is his fellow man, his peer, comrade, and fellow samurai. Thus, discovering that Mizu is not a man would, initially, feel like all of that has been ripped away from him. And this is actually related to the third possible reason.

Possible Reason #3

This is a big one, and the reason everyone, including myself, is putting their bets on: misogyny.

Essentially, Taigen would find out that this whole time, the person he'd been envious of and struggling to beat in every single fight, is not a man, but a woman. And as far as he knows, even if women in feudal Japan could once be warriors (see: the Onna-musha), perceptions have since changed by the time of the Edo period. Furthermore, even if women could fight, men were still expected to be stronger, because men are supposed to protect women.

However, I believe that Taigen's particular flavour of misogyny is a little different, in that he does not view women as "inferior." Because remember, his fiancee was Akemi. This was a woman who took no shits! She was snarky and playful and intelligent, and moreover she was a princess, superior to him in every way, and he knew and respected all of that, and respected her as an individual who could make her own choices. When she'd told him the news of their engagement, Taigen asked her, "He's [your father] sure? You're sure?" And then, when she tried to seduce him in Ep 2, he asked her, "Akemi, are you sure?"

His respect for her is the only reason why Akemi had been so desperate to marry him in the first place. She did not love him, but knew he would be good to her. Because she could not guarantee that any other man would treat her nicely as he would.

Thus, with that being said, I don't think Taigen is some "alpha male dudebro" who thinks women belong in the kitchen etc. Instead, I think Taigen simply believes women are just... different from men. So it's not that women can't or shouldn't fight, it's that they just don't. It's not that women can't or shouldn't be friends with men on equal footing, it's just that they aren't. You get what I'm saying?

It's like, imagine your whole life, you're told, and fully led to believe, that a lamp can't light up. They're just meant to be in your house as decoration. And then suddenly, you find out that your lamp lights up! And you're like, "OMG a lamp is lighting up! How is it doing that?! I thought light only comes from candles and the sun! This can't be right, I thought lamps never light up! Isn't that a fundamental part of their design?"

Now, put aside that this is a pretty bad analogy because it's 1am as I'm writing this and I can't think of a better one atm, but I hope the point comes across, in that this is clear-cut misogyny (I'm comparing women to a piece of furniture here on purpose), but the lucky thing about this particular flavour of misogyny is that it's rooted in ignorance, and is not inherently malicious. It can be, but it isn't necessarily.

Ignorance can be undone through learning and educating oneself. And luckily for us, my friends, educating oneself out of ignorance is the entire point of Taigen's character! He represents the uneducated masses who blindly follow the flow of the fucked up system. This is in contrast to Mizu who has never had a place within the system to begin with, Akemi who has spent her whole life struggling to go against the grain of the system, and Ringo who has always tried to follow the system, but due to his disability, is denied full access to it.

Thus, we've already seen him take the first steps to unlearn his xenophobic and racial prejudice, and we've also seen him start shedding his massive ego and desire for glory, which are both used to mask his own insecurities. If Netflix gives us all 4 planned seasons, then we have 3 more seasons for Taigen to fully grow out these backwards mindsets and finally reach his full potential to become—not a good man—but a great one.

THEREFORE, whatever the reason for his upset at discovering Mizu's gender, I firmly believe that Taigen will get over himself in the end, regardless of whether his anger stemmed from his misogyny, hurt, confusion, or whatever else.

Because Taigen's short temper and emotional immaturity is born from him spending his whole life on the move. Unlike Mizu, who is always alone with her thoughts and meditates constantly to try to cleanse herself of her restless emotions, Taigen is used to surrounding himself with people (see:him in the Shindo Dojo) and ignoring his emotions completely (see:him trying to forget Kohama). Which is why, when he does feel anything, it's overwhelming, and he doesn't know what else to do with it except let it out, usually in an angry outburst. Only when given the proper chance to reflect in Kohama in Ep7, does Taigen finally go through some substantial growth and start feeling remorse over how he'd treated Mizu.

Hence, I suspect something similar will happen when he discovers Mizu's gender, in which he will get upset and shocked and confused first, but then he'll reflect and regret and try to make up for his past behaviour.

And this is what I meant earlier when I said that I don't think he'll 't have a "bad reaction."

Essentially, it is my belief that his reaction will not follow in the footsteps of Mikio's, but instead, directly oppose and subvert that. This is related to the points I referenced in the post I linked above, but also, more importantly, because Taigen and Mikio are narrative foils.

Thus, where Mikio had betrayed Mizu and left her for dead, I believe Taigen will, at the end of the day, remain loyal and continue to fight by her side until the very end.

Because the thing about Taigen, as a person, outside of all the attitudes and prejudices that have been ingrained into him, is his relentless devotion. He gives himself into everything he does, puts in his all, and does not do things halfway. That's what makes him such a good soldier. He does not lead, but follows. He is inherently self-sacrificing and driven by a desire to protect, and we see this in how protective he is of Mizu to the point of enduring torture for her and telling her to use him as a human shield; how his first instinct upon hearing Akemi had been dragged off to get married against her will, is to get up and try to go to her; and how, when hearing the shogunate is in danger, he immediately goes straight to Edo palace to try to warn the shogun, even if it might get him killed in the process.

I could go on about why I think this is what makes him so good for Mizu (because Mizu's arc, especially in Season 1, is literally about accepting help and opening herself up to others) but this post is already atrociously long, so I'll just leave it at that.

So, anon, I hope I answered your question! I'm sorry I can never give short answers though, but I think at this point, it's to be expected from me lol. Thank you for the ask btw! And on that note, my inbox is always open for more 👀

#blue eye samurai meta #taigen blue eye samurai #taigen x mizu #mizu x taigen #taimizu #letters.doc #meta dissertations.pdf #<- i have a new tagging system for my fandom posts! the rest are listed in my pinned <3 #anon #blue eye samurai #fandom.rtf

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hakugin0 · 5 months

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So that new Levi card, woah boy(positive). I get how setting is slightly dubious but unfortunately my brain stopped at the ‘childish jealousy’ part and yeah childish was the perfect word he actually is throwing a bratty tantrum about MC talking about their time with Minhyeok WHILE THEY'RE NOT EVEN NEXT TO HIM. Levi, babey, you're not beating the Tsundere allegations.

Also the part about the sins was very interesting ‘cause it kinda puts in perspective why he feels like there's no King he's close to. Or at least that's my read on that part, all their sins have some positive parts while his is the only fully negative one so of course he couldn't feel close to them. (Personally I do think that part is his viewpoint on their sins and it would be interesting to see the other Kings’ too, Satan in particular since I feel like his sin and depressive mood swings do go hand in hand)

Now for the read more aka wiiiild speculations because he didn't come home in the reduced ten pull aka see you in 3 months bae when I have 500 pulls and you still refuse to show up(looking at you bath Satan), fair bit of character analysis and slight canon divergence(???) plus personal MC involvement.

GONNA PREFACE THIS BY WAVING NY ‘LEVI SIMP’ FLAG UP HIGH, IF THE CARD STORY WAS OFF PUTTING TO YOU OR YOU DISLIKE HIS CHARACTER IN GENERAL THEN MORE POWER TO YOU BUT PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS POST! IT AIN'T MEANT FOR YOU HOMIE (it's meant for me first and then anyone else who wants to witness my 3am insanity)

Aight? Aight! Here we go gamers

Gonna start this off by saying that when they dropped the first teaser for the card my expectations for the story were jelly Levi wants to replace minhyeok and thus enters MC's memories except surprise surprise it was actually some corn set in a high school (don't pretend those aren't a thing, we're all adults here, and with MC’s track record in that game it would not be surprising) in part because the story had to get spicy at some point.

Personal belief is that what we see in the prologue of Levi is the closest thing to a ‘normal’ him aka a version of him that got to experience a normal childhood and not have all the trauma of… ya know… HIS WHOLE PAST. The way he expected an attack when MC initially trips breaks me in a very particular way, he has never known peace, he expects everything to be some sort of attempt on his or his people’s life. The one time he wasn't as uptight ended up with him heavily injured (Bloodshed card).

There is also him ascertaining that they had different starting points. Now this could refer to a lot of things but to me one thing that does is put a definite line between them. To me it sounds like he's reasoning with himself that because of their very different lives they would be incompatible (combined with that thing about his sin being the only negative one it shows he always separates himself from people he would otherwise form bonds with)

Now he's still not nice, far from it, but he can be accommodating and look out for MC when he is not thinking 24/7 about possibly being attacked. Whether he reasons that it would endear himself more to them or out of pure instinct he looked out for MC, those were not Minhyeok’s actions he mimicked but his own.

So yeah, average Levi is horrendously bad at emotions and frankly probably the one who understands his own emotions towards a potential romantic partner(since tbh that is what MC is) the least. (This is a whole other can of brainworms about how aside from Solomon he probably has not been attached to anyone in that way until MC based on something he says in his H-Scene, but that can of worms shall be opened later) please get some therapists in Hell, clearly everyone would benefit from it.

There is also something impossibly endearing to me about seeing Levi in a high school setting even for a bit because that's not something he ever experienced and I wish his time exploring that part of MC and Minhyeok's past was a bit longer. I want to believe MC gets to ask him later in the story how he felt about it.

---

If you were only here for the character analysis then thanks for reading, have a lovely day/night/evening, we are going into wild speculation territory and some personal things regarding my MC Jin in that particular scenario.

tl;dr: After Jin's parents were killed she pretty much secluded herself in their home doing most of her studying through online courses and only showing up physically at school for a couple of days.

I choose to believe she was aware of stuff from the start but in that way you're aware you're in a dream while you sleep, she can tell things are a bit off but not fully what is wrong. She knows the person with her is not Minhyeok, she also knows who Leviathan is, but there's a certain disconnect when trying to piece it all together, but the further the dream goes the more she ‘realises’ and ‘awakens to the truth' if you will.

She cannot help but pity Levi’s situation even if she knows if she ever said that she'd probably get insta-hanged, so a part of her cannot help but wonder if he wanted to experience some normalcy for once. (She's not the brightest tool in the shed so the fact that he wants to replace Minhyeok would not pass by her singular braincell) (I love her I swear, being mean is my love language)

So I imagine after the whole dream thing is over and she next visits Hades she doesn't raise any questions about that event. She seems annoyingly unbothered and not curious at all. If anything this just makes Leviathan more angry because she can't be that unbothered after everything and pretend nothing happened, he should've been the only thing on her mind and yet she still sometimes mentions that detestable human. Oh how he should hang her for it. And then one day she has a conspicuously familiar candy in her mouth. “Was the experience at least a bit pleasant?” She's soft spoken anyway but she sounds almost apologetic. Why yes the experience was quite pleasant if Levi had to be honest but he'd never praise her openly… and then it hits him. She's not asking about that, she's asking about how he felt in a normal human high school.

When she gets no answer she stammers and starts speaking again, trying to fill the void. “I didn't exactly… go there often…” The pauses are plentiful and her shoulders droop almost in shame. “... so I imagine whatever you saw was rather lacklustre… aside from… my pathetic display-”

“It wasn't bad.”

A short sentence and it was enough to make the human girl perk up instantly. From anyone else that would be considered nigh an insult, but with Levi's temperament that was the highest praise she could hope for. By the time Jin was next to his desk after he'd beckoned her with a wave of his hand her visage had brightened significantly. ‘Stealing’ the lollipop from between her lips was ‘child’s play’ after that, the girl clearly took stunned to speak and becoming redder by the second.

“Yes, not bad at all.”

#haku rambles #whb #what in hell is bad #whb leviathan #whb mc #this was written at 3am in a delulu haze editing it will be tomorrow's me's issue #anyway i love levi and all his red flags #this is a levi enjoyer zone if it wasn't already very clear #kbye i go honk shoo mimimi now

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fairytale-poll · 1 year

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SEMI-FINALS! MATCH 1 OUT OF 2

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Red Hood:

she’s red riding hood but CYBERPUNK. and she’s part of the REBELLION. she’s can hack MILITARY tech in a matter of moments. she uses her WOLF VIRUS to hack into CROWN VEHICLES and RIDE THEM INTO BATTLE. she REPURPOSED a GOVERNMENT VIRUS into a weapon to HURT THEM. her GRANDMOTHER was killed by the corrupt government virus that she has since TAMED and uses it AGAINST them. her fiction (this is canon!): https://themechanisms.com/fiction/what-big-eyes/

mechs fans need a win methinks. my mutual told me to go submit red but i also have very strong opinions on her because this entire album makes me insane. red started as a young 12 year old hacker who eventually put her skills to the test when a government-made computer virus (called the wolf virus) went rogue and unplugged her grandmother from life support. (the wolf virus was initially intended to figure out what wasn’t necessary for the war and divert power to weapons instead. it went rogue and started going after people who would never be able to help the war [ie disabled and elderly]). so red FOUGHT IT OFF ON HER OWN and TAMED IT. so then she essentially had a weapon designed to take down crown weapons and vehicles. so she joined the war effort and fought for brutal 30 years. it’s unclear whether she survived the final battle, but i think she deserves to take the win. also. she’s in space. she’s cyberpunk. she’s part of a retold fairytale cast BUT IN A COSMIC WAR. it’s like if star wars was actually good.

Cerise Hood:

She’s the child of the red riding hood and the big bad wolf. Don’t question it to okay. Also she was the first character I thought of when I saw this!

She’s the daughter of red riding hood and the big bad wolf! She’s a werewolf!

Love her design very much. She gets a lot of great outfits. Also, another version of Red Riding Hood that incorporates both the girl and the wolf together.

1: ever after high was iconic and amazing and so well written and i'm really bitter that it was cancelled so i think cerise deserves this win (i do too) 2: her design is really good. like no one else could EVER if you ask me 3: wolf girl. do i NEED to say more. ...honestly, my brain cannot bring out any more words so fingers crossed someone else submits her and she gets some ACTUAL GOOD propaganda (sorry cerise forgive me)

She’s a badass red riding hood with a secret (her dad is the big bad wolf)

She's the daughter of Red Riding Hood and the Wolf, so she has wolf ears and is really strong. She's supposed to be the next Red Riding Hood so she should count.

She's the daughter of Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf making her a daughter of forbidden love and thus a double representation of Little Red Riding Hood's age-old story of maturity and adolescence.

She's really cool! She was born from a forbidden romance between the wolf (don't worry he turns into a human lmao) and Little Red Riding Hood and has to hide her heritage from other people which I think is really interesting. Also her hood is really pretty.

She's the daughter of red riding hood and is meant to take over that role when it's her time

she slays so hard!! while technically shes not THE little red riding hood, she is her daughter and the FUTURE little red riding hood. shes also half wolf, which is really cool!! and yea. she slays.

idk she’s just cool & definitely gay

She’s meant to be the next Red Riding Hood but her whole bit is that not only is her mom Red Riding Hood, her father is the Big Bad Wolf and she needs to keep it a secret. The best of both worlds. The tween girls went crazy for the wolf thing. Had a pretty doll and cool outfits. Has an older sister who’s meant to be the next Big Bad Wolf (Ramona Badwolf) who she comes into conflict with. Identity crisis! She was everything to eleven year old me

She’s half wolf, she has cool white streaks in her hair, she’s a jock with super speed and I like her a lot.

she turned me lesbian.

Fan favourite, my first lesbian crush on a character

She is a daughter of previous Little Red Riding Hood and Big Bad Wolf, how cool is that

She’s a furry yeuwu

she’s the daughter of red riding hood and the big bad wolf. she’s a wolf girl. i love her

#red riding poll #semi-finals #poll tournament #poll bracket #character polls #polls #red riding hood #little red riding hood #red hood #once upon a time in space #once upon a time (in space)#the mechanisms #cerise hood #ever after high

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fuckyeahaudiodrama · 4 months

Text

✨APRIL/MAY LISTENS✨

hi i’m back, i’ve just finished my degree and do not have enough of a brain to write an in-depth of anything. but! here’s some of what i’ve been shoving in my earholes for the past month, in no particular order.

The Magnus Protocol — (season 1 ongoing) continues to blow my fucking mind. the sound design/music combo for this series is of particular note, it really just… mwah. elevates the text so much for me. i also continue to be impressed by how well this works as both a standalone series and as a delicious trail of candy for those of us who loved Archives. we’re halfway through s1 now and all i can think about is alice dyer.

Beef and Dairy Network — (ongoing @ 109 eps) a partially improvised absurdist comedy pod set in a world that is bizarrely obsessed with beef. my qpp listened to one episode and called it “distilled british humor” which feels… correct. i’ll be real, i’m actually mad at myself for not getting into this one sooner, but on the other hand having a long binge of it has been divine. i would kill to go to one of their live shows.

The White Vault — (5 seasons, 10 eps apiece) not including goshawk because i’ve barely started on that. but the main series… woah! god, i totally didn’t think this was going to be my thing but i could not put it down? the first season is definitely slower than i usually prefer but the characters kept me hooked and by season 3 the narrative completely took over my brain. i also love how well they sold the found audio format, it WORKS. gold fucking star, highly recommend.

Jackie the Ripper — (3 seasons, 5 eps apiece) put this one aside for a rainy day and binged it all at once. deeply wish there was more of it. it’s a raunchy crime drama with a downtrodden detective at the helm who i SWORE i wouldn’t root for but ended up doing so anyway. do recommend! if it sweetens the pot, the protag has the same VA as watson in the currently popular Sherlock & Co.

The Mistholme Museum — (6 seasons, soon to be complete) people have been recommending this to me for years and i just never got around to it, but on the bright side — it was an incredible binge. anthologies aren’t my strong suit but i found the framing device really strong and, crucially, it develops a meta plot that balances really well. biggest strength for me was the narrator, but i can’t explain why without spoiling some key plot developments. just trust me.

Wake of Corrosion — (4 seasons, final ongoing) very cool apocalyptic suspense/horror. i initially loved this show for the dynamic between the two leads, who are brothers trying to reconnect on a solitary camping trip when the world decides to go wonky. i ended up loving the worldbuilding as well. final episode drops very soon.

Neon Inkwell: The Pit Below Paradise — (miniseries, ongoing) this one has a bit of a western vibe and heavy religious/culty overtones, which isn’t my favorite genre. but i think each of the main characters has been developed really well thus far. + many fun cameos from members of the production team, those are really fun to try and spot :)

Twits: A Steampunk Distraction — (2 seasons, 5 eps apiece) very silly comedy of errors from the pov of a bumbling aristocrat. can’t say too much without giving the end of s1 twist away. i highly recommend it if you’re looking for some lighthearted listening. the ending credits are also very cute.

Planet Arcana — (ongoing @ 71 eps) i’m so bad at TTRPGs but this one has such a unique setting, i’m just captivated. tarot-flavored sci-fi adventure for anyone interested. i’ve made it through the first arc and the party has already experienced a crazy amount of development; stoked to see what happens next.

Selene — (ongoing) anthology about a spooky little town with a vintage vibe. single narrator, quite talented. i’m not always easily invested in anthologies but the narrator here really sells it for me, and (!) i think he writes children — both their thought processes and dialogue — very realistically. which is my grandest compliment.

Camp Here & There — (s1 complete @ 33 eps, hiatus?) i put off listening to this for a rainy day because i’d heard nothing but rave reviews and they weren’t lying. this is quite literally the ONLY pod i’ve come across that completely captures the same magic that WTNV did for me on first listen. the creator is kinda going thru it so idk if s2 is going to happen but i really hope so. even if not, s1 is very worth listening to. it’s wacky and sinister and i just love the narrator, it’s hard not to.

We’re Alive: Scout’s Honor — (8 ep miniseries, complete) imagine WA from the perspective of some awkward tweenagers. what’s not to love? the gore is really heightened by each characters’ stage of emotional development. i especially loved the conclusion but i won’t spoil it here ;)

Among the Stars and Bones — (2nd season ongoing) sci-fi drama with a solid first season, really nice narrative tie-up, but the second season was SUCH a glow-up nonetheless! + the most memorable karim kronfli performance of all time IMHO.

#audio drama #podrecs #i thought that this would be a cute lazy sort of graphic to make and the layering was actually a nightmare #so i kind of gave up but i hope it looks. okay #anyway these are all great shows and i’m happy to talk more about them in future #i’ll have a brain again soon. i think

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wolfs-wake · 2 months

Text

How slenderman and proxies work

finally sharing my head canons and how slenderman works in my story! this is a good starter post for that i think.

Slenderman

Similar to Habit, Slenderman is connected to and is itself shaped by humanity. Habit is an accumulation of everything ‘bad’ with humanity in the same way Slenderman is the accumulation of the power of human belief and the duality of the human mind

the belief that humanity is innately toxic and ruled by fear. The belief in punishment and retribution from higher beings while also being the belief that humanity is innately good, driven by wonder and kindness (aka I like the slender mansion au)

Overall it is a being of thought, possessing power of unknown bounds, possibly infinite

Its intentions are inherently unknown to humans, as they are not something humans are capable of comprehending

It is a collective of human thought and belief, incapable of being fully understood in the same way humans are incapable of fully understanding the intricacies of their own conscious and subconscious minds

Slender’s true appearance is closer to that of trees/roots/mycelium. We see the main part but its branches spread infinitely outward beyond our sight.

Another means to describe is that the body we see and comprehend is a neuron but it’s limbs are ever reaching synapses connecting to elsewhere

PROXIES

Proxies are the unfortunate souls who are attached to Slender through some means, usually chance encounter

All it takes is one encounter, or even a connected bloodline to cause someone to be connected to Slender

Proxies’ only purpose is to carry out tasks for the entity. They may carry out these tasks willingly or be forced to do so

Some proxies (such as Tim and Brian) have only negative feelings about the Operator and thus are forced into their roles. This is done by forcing their brains to, in a sense, split into two or more (think endogenous system)

Others (like Toby) have mixed feelings, or a past they wish to forget and therefore are easier to control

This usually means the entity feeds upon the trauma, taking and/or suppressing the memories for the proxy, however the after effects of the initial event that caused the trauma still lingers, causing the proxy to have thoughts or feel emotions that seem out of place in the absence of the memory they were once tied to. This is usually remedied by “Slenderman” interacting with them, protecting or talking to them in a way to fill in the missing spaces with positive feelings and interactions

Example: Toby has negative thoughts and trauma from his father and upbringing; Slenderman replaces the original memory with an alternate version containing itself as a caring father figure as a means to control Toby.

I hope you guys enjoy whats coming based off this. much of my slenderman is based off theories seen in internet a occultism which i find fascinating. i have some posts and plans lined up to share and im very excited for whats to come!

thank to my lovely beta reader @ajarofham love you so much!

#creepypasta #slenderverse #slenderman #headcanon #slenderverse headcanons #creepypasta headcanon #hc #writings

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mouwrites · 1 year

Note

PLEASE DO MORE SILLY SOUTH PARK, LIKE..

Maybe the Main 4 (& Butters, if you do him?) with a reader that’s Scott Malkinson’s cousin?

Yippee more South Park!! :D

South Park - Main 4 (+ Butters) With Scott Malkinson's Cousin

Cartman

He was absolutely DUMBFOUNDED when he found out you were Scott's cousin

Like, to him, you're way too cool and amazing to be related to someone like him

So when you first told him, he thought you were joking

"Don't even joke about that, Y/n. Scott's way too gross to be in your bloodline."

"...It wasn't a joke??"

"What."

You'd get upset when he poked fun at Scott, always rushing to defend your cousin

Cartman tries to dial the teasing down a little for your sake

(he also just doesn't want to get on your bad side)

Let's be real though, it's Cartman; he's not giving it up completely

He'll sometimes refer to you as "the cool cousin" and Scott as "the lame cousin" when talking about you both

Kenny

The first thing he blurted when you said Scott was your cousin was:

"Scott's your cousin? Then why don't you have a lisp??"

"Pfff— that's not how it works, Kenny."

You'll have to help him if you want him to be nicer to Scott

He just doesn't see the problem with a little lighthearted teasing, especially since he doesn't actually hate Scott

But once you explain to him that what he's doing is harmful, he'll give it up

He'll even apologize to Scott if you go with him

He's genuine when he says sorry; he doesn't want to hurt anyone that's important to you, no matter how funny it is

That being said, he'll still poke a little fun at him once he gets closer to Scott

Scott will poke fun at him back

Now that they're established as buddies, you have no problem listening (and giggling) as they banter

Kyle

Kyle sort of tries to separate you from Scott

He knows that Scott gets bullied a lot, and he doesn't want the same thing to happen to you

So he keeps you away from each other whenever possible

"Ooh! My cousin's over there, we should go sit with him."

"Uh, let's find somewhere else to sit..."

He knows that it's a little cold, but he's only trying to protect you

Eventually you figure out what he's doing and you confront him

When he explains it's because Scott is generally disliked by everyone, you're heartbroken

You force him to help you fix Scott's reputation

He begrudgingly agrees, mostly because he feels bad for keeping you away from your cousin

With your drive and his brains, you actually do manage to raise his status a little!

But uh... that just means that the other bullying targets (cough cough Pip cough cough) get more attention

Stan

Stan does not care who you're related to

He was a little surprised when you told him, mostly because you were pretty different from Scott (in his eyes at least)

But after that initial surprise, he was over it

He'll try to be nicer to Scott when you invite him to hang out with you

He also attempts to get the other guys to go easy on him

"Come on, guys. It's just a lisp. It's not even that funny."

Scott starts to grow on him a little, but not to the point of wanting to be close with him

You both sort of become Scott's protectors, standing up for him when people try to rag on him, even when he's not around

Butters

Unlike Stan, he made a big deal when you told him you were Scott's cousin

He got so excited,,,

"Scott? I know him! He goes to our school! Ooh, we should invite him to hang out with us!

And thus a new friend group was born

Scott's very grateful to have actual friends

He starts to become especially close with Butters, which you think is adorable

Sometimes people refer to Scott as your "third wheel," but it never feels like that when he's around

You three meet up at least once a week to watch fantasy movies/TV shows and geek out over them

You and Scott team up to convince your parents to let Butters come to family events too

You don't really need to though; both your guys' parents already love him, and they LIVE for your little friend group

The people at school... that's a different story

At first you faced a fair helping of bullying for hanging out with Scott, but it subsided until people pretty much left you guys alone

Not that you really cared anyway, all you cared about was having fun with your boyfriend and cousin :)

Thank you for this awesome request! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did :) Thanks for reading, take care!!

(divider by saradika)

#south park #south park x reader #kenny mcormick #kenny mcormick x reader #kenny x reader #stan marsh #stan marsh x reader #stan x reader #kyle broflovski #kyle broflovski x reader #kyle x reader #eric cartman #eric cartman x reader #cartman x reader #butters stotch #butters stotch x reader #butters x reader #south park headcanons

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aurorawest · 5 months

Text

Reading update

Arthur and Teddy Are Coming Out by Ryan Love - 3/5 stars

The Fate of Stars by SD Simper - DNF at pg 32

A Gathering Storm by Joanna Chambers - 4.75/5 stars

I kept getting the Madame Leota room from Haunted Mansion stuck in my head as I was reading this (not a bad thing!). This book has a surprisingly low rating on the Storygraph, and I'm not going to torture myself by looking at the reviews, but I'm assuming it's because of the power discrepancy between Ward and Nick. Clearly it didn't bother me as I really enjoyed the book!

Dionysus in Wisconsin by EH Lupton - 4.75/5 stars

At some point I might get tired of Mid-Century Modern romances, but not this day. This book was super fun, with an interesting world and lovely characters. And a Midwest setting! I've spent a lot of time in Madison, Wisconsin, where this book is set, so I got the added bonus of knowing most of the places pretty well. There was even a shoutout to an obscure piece of Madison history, the Lost City in the Arb. I have to get the second book in the series now!boy

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan - 3.25/5 stars

I gave this book an extra quarter of a star for being written in 2003, when it would have been genuinely pretty groundbreaking. Reading it in 2024, it's very twee and pretty cringey (the queer utopia town would have been a magical fantasy in 2003, not so much now in a lot of places). When Levithan credited Francesca Lia Block's Weetzie Bat books in the acknowledgements, I though, ah. No wonder. Hated those as a teen.

All that said, there's some genuinely lovely writing in this book, and it has its place in the queer canon.

The Greywacke by Nick Davidson - 5/5 stars

Super interesting nonfiction about the discipline of geology and how the early geologic epochs were figured out. Also gave me an idea for a historical romance about gay Victorian geologists.

Home Grown Talent by Joanna Chambers & Sally Malcolm - 5/5 stars

I think I loved this one more than the first in the series. The social media scandal was perfect, in that it was exactly as absurd as every social media scandal is, and thus hilarious, but also chilling in how even something so stupid can ruin people's lives.

The First Bright Thing by JR Dawson - DNF at pg 1

Prince of the Sorrows by Kellen Graves - DNF at pg 30

Reuben's Hot & Cold by M Arbon - 3/5 stars

Slight Foxing Around the Edges by Melissa Polk - DNF at pg 132

Restored by Joanna Chambers - 5/5 stars

Balefire by Jordan L Hawk - 4.75/5 stars

A Rulebook for Restless Rogues by Jess Everlee - 4/5 stars

The Mars House by Natasha Pulley - 5/5 stars

See my brain vomit about this book here. If you've been around here for any amount of time you know all Natasha Pulley's books make me feral. Absolutely no exception here. I cannot believe her first UK publisher dropped her over this book. Idiots! It's wonderful just like everything she's ever written.

In the Case of Heartbreak by Courtney Kaye - DNF at pg 181

The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason - DNF at pg 21

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun - 5/5 stars (reread)

Just as good as the first time I read it!

Exhalation by Ted Chiang - 4.5/5 stars

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic - DNF at pg 84

Crisped + Sere by TJ Klune - 4.75/5 stars

It actually kind of makes me mad that this series isn't Klune's most famous work, because it's real good. At this point it seems kind of unlikely he's going to continue it, but man, I'd love another book.

These Silent Stars by Chani Lynn Feener - DNF at pg 68

Trailer Park Trickster by David R Slayton - 5/5 stars

See below.

Deadbeat Druid by David R Slayton - David R Slayton - 5/5 star

I LOVE this series. Love love love love. Absolute must read. If you're a fan of KD Edwards's The Tarot Sequence, this series is right up your alley. It seems like there will be more after this initial trilogy, and there's also a spinoff book coming soon which I'm super excited for. Read them!!

#a gathering storm #joanna chambers #dionysus in wisconsin #eh lupton #boy meets boy #david levithan #reading tag #trailer park trickster #deadbeat druid #david r slayton #crisped + sere #tj klune #the mars house #natasha pulley #homegrown talent #sally malcolm #the greywacke #nick davidson

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xiaonesis · 2 years

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Soft Serve 13 // Flavor 1

Flavor 1: Rainbow Sherbet (Suna x Reader)

Tags: Romance, Fluff, Awkward Romance, Summer Romance, Growing & Learning, Miscommunication

A/N: I started writing this more than half a year ago and decided to pick it back up and finish it but I forgot where I was going with it. I initially wanted to write something more light and introspective, on the pains of growing up and the awkwardness and inability to communicate many of us have, as this fic is partly based off real life experiences, and thus it is a slightly personal fic to me as I reflected on my own past, experiences, and regrets, and hopefully, growth. Then, I had a breakdown and lost the plot lmao. Anyways, have this melting cone of chaos and idk's.

(This fic is cross-posted to my AO3)

Suna Rintarou doesn’t believe in love at first sight.

He thinks that people who fall head over heels for someone at first glance are fools. Love is something that is grown into, to be slowly nurtured with time and dedication. To his logic-based brain, the entire idea of smashing head first into love at a glance is ludicrous, like a bad car crash where you never see it coming until it's too late. And that doesn’t sound very pleasant, does it?

But you know what else they say about love at first sight?

That everyone becomes a believer when it happens to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suna first meets you in his hometown of Aichi in the summer of his fifteenth year.

He is there for summer break, helping out at his uncle’s ice-cream shop a stone’s throw away from the nearest beach. He didn’t want to be but his parents had insisted, claiming that it would be good for him to spend time with his grandmother and uncle.

Had he been given the choice, he would be spending his break lazing at home playing video games instead of being dressed in this ridiculous pink and yellow striped ice-cream boy cap and uniform, scooping out cones of ‘Soft Serves With A Smile.’ He’d rather be slamming hard serves into the twins that made it onto the same volleyball team as him.

AC doesn’t even exist in the shop as a silver lining. There are only three fans on maximum power, twisting and churning air as they swivel. With the unbearable heat amplifying his discomfort, days at his seaside hometown pass slowly, thick and syrupy from dawn to dusk.

It doesn’t feel like summer at all.

That all changed the day the shop bell chimed and you walked in.

“Welcome to Soft Serve 13–”

People often say that love at first sight is similar to a lightning strike, fast and purple hot. But there was no purple summer lightning electrifying him, no volcanic eruption setting his heart on fire for Suna.

There is only a great void, white and silent, that descended upon his mind unforeseen; a tsunami that crashes down his frozen body, washing away all sensible thought and bodily functions before leaving him stranded on unknown, pristine shores.

For the next twenty seconds that stretches like a lifetime as he is caught in his first glance of you, Suna is suspended in that void. White sand in his ears, and his eyes sees nothing and everything simultaneously in an ivory world.

(It feels exactly like the moments before a car crash where life flashes by in a white blind)

Suddenly, his hand is freezing hot and Suna is dragged from that sandy void.

“Shit–”

Dulcet chocolate covers his hand, trickling from the melted cone he was supposed to hand to the perturbed, waiting customer in front of him. Uttering a quick string of apologies, Suna sets about serving a fresh cone whilst enduring your barrage of giggles as you wait next in line, his face hotter than summer itself.

The door chimes again, and he is left alone with you in this tiny, humid shop with fans blowing revoltingly loud and you’re still grinning teasingly – blinding – at him. He pulls his stupid pink and yellow cap down over his eyes.

“If mine melts, can I get a free scoop?”

‘No,’ his mind says but his mouth fires off a “Yes.”

He didn’t think it was possible for your smile to grow any wider. Windchimes jingle in the timbre of your pleased laughter, not expecting his answer. “Guess I’ll have to make sure to distract you long enough for it to melt,” you chirp, browsing the display with an impish smirk.

Suna knows right away he wouldn’t mind getting ice-cream all over his hand again if it means you’ll stick around longer.

By the Gods , was he always this much of a chump?

He’s not a casanova (that’s Atsumu’s shtick), but Suna never gets nervous around the opposite sex, and he likes to think he can pull in girls if he wants to. However, between school, games, and volleyball, there was no space for romance in his life yet Suna finds himself pulling and fanning at his collar as he tries to maintain eye contact with you. He’s strangely nervous and it shows in the way he continuously drums his fingers on glass.

Suna never talks to customers beyond what is necessary but he continuously finds ways and topics to keep you around. Usually, he works fast to have all his customers served so that he may return to his phone. Yet, thirty minutes has passed since you entered the store and you’re still standing without a cone in your hand and he’s leaning across the glass, handing you your thirteenth free taste.

In that period, he’s found out that you’re visiting the area with your mother for two weeks, that you’re his age, and attend school in Tokyo. And he’s shared that he’s originally from Aichi but goes to school in Hyogo, is working here for the summer, and this is his uncle’s shop. Favorite music, recommended sights and places, food, hobbies, and a slew of other random tidbits about each other were also mutually exchanged in between.

(He wonders if he can entice you to stay with the other flavors available.)

Another ten minutes later and you finally settle on a flavor, but Suna knows by that curl in your lips that’s been there since twenty-five minutes ago that you already knew what you wanted the moment you stepped foot into the shop.

“I’ll have Rainbow Sherbet.”

He makes a face. “I’m judging you.”

“It’s a good flavor!”

“It’s sour–”

“And sweet.”

“–and leaves this tart, prickly taste in your mouth. It’s terrible.”

“No it isn’t! Here, try some!” You bring a small spoonful to him.

“No–” he swats your hand, “I know what Rainbow Sherbet tastes like. I work here.”

You press against the glass– he’s going to have to clean it of your grubby hand prints later – but he doesn’t mind it one bit when he sees you straining over the display in an attempt to reach him. Honestly, if his uncle saw him now, he’d get an earful for ‘messing and flirting’ with a customer but Suna is unable to stop himself from gravitating towards your hand and the spoon pinched precariously between your fingers.

“Just try it!” you insist.

Suna frowns at your persistence, adjusting his cap with one hand as if he’s about to tell you off. But he tips it up instead, so that he has a clear view of you when he grabs your wrist and leans in to close his mouth around your spoon. His cheeks hollow and Suna sucks the sweet ice with an obnoxious slurp that has him smirking around the spoon and you, gaping.

Zesty lime and sour raspberry goes off like fireworks on the roof of his mouth before melting with a trail of fragrant pineapple on his tongue.

Your eyes widen, clearly not expecting him to do that, thinking that he would at least take the spoon from you first.

To be honest, Suna didn’t expect himself to do that either, especially not with the rapid pace of his heart. It’s worth it though, to see the obvious flush racing up your neck to fill your cheeks. It matches what is on his but he tells himself it’s the heat.

He releases the spoon with a pop but keeps his grip on your wrist. He can’t stop grinning but forces an impudent gag through the stretch of his cheeks.

“Yuck.”

He lets you go, fingers sliding soft on the back of your hand.

The spoon is brandished at him. “You liked it. Don’t lie. I also demand a free scoop.”

“But it didn’t melt?”

You stick your hand out and sure enough, there’s a trail of sticky green and orange running down your arm.

“You took too long,” you murmur, avoiding his eyes. “Could have just eaten it normally.”

Another smug smirk. “Where’s the fun in that?”

The fans are deafening but its winds are cool on his hotter-than-ever skin and lovely in the billow of your dress. The bell chimes and a gaggle of children rush into the store alongside a woman that taps your shoulder with a call of your name. He guesses that’s your mother, wondering where her daughter’s been for almost an hour.

He realizes then that neither of you introduced yourselves.

Your mother leaves and your eyes flicker to the tag pinned to a strip of pink right above his heart. “I will collect my free scoop tomorrow, Suna Rintarou.”

The promise of your return lingers in this tiny, breezy shop, and tomorrow can’t come fast enough.

It finally feels like Summer.

(And he’s on his way to a car crash)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why here? There’s not much to do in Aichi in general, needless to say here.”

You shrug. “We just wanted some place a bit more slow, more relaxing, you know? My mum’s tired of the city and I don’t really mind. She’s paying for everything anyway.”

“Where would you choose to travel though?” He steals a spoonful of colorful ice-cream from your cup and you let him.

“Hmm, I don’t know for sure,” you muse. “Probably somewhere outside of Japan. I’ve always wanted to go abroad. What about you, if you’re not working here?”

He shrugs. “Nah, too much effort.”

“Can’t believe you got scouted for volleyball with that lazy-ass attitude.” You fling your crumpled tissue at him.

Suna catches it and shoots it straight into the bin without moving from his seat. “Work smarter not harder.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks whirl by quicker than a sunshower.

Suna spends it chatting with you during your frequent visits (your hotel isn’t too far) to the store, hanging with you at the beach (the one a stone’s throw away), and texting with you till late night in the comfort of his bed.

Your mother definitely gave him a few looks during the times she came to the store with you. Her flavor of choice is caramel coffee and yours, rainbow sherbet.

He gave her a free scoop once, and now she praises him, “You’re such a good kid,” every time before leaving. You’ll roll your eyes and he’ll give you a peace sign.

He stays in touch with you for the rest of summer break after you leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When school restarts, the two of you are still in contact. You don’t use social media, but you’ll send him photos of your life in Tokyo and he’ll send you links to his posts and stories.

September wind blows and this gradually peters out in autumn as the Inarizaki High Volleyball Club shifts into full gear for Nationals in winter.

[Good luck preparing for Nationals! Maybe we can catch up in Tokyo when you’re here!]

He’s so tired from practice, he tells himself he will reply tomorrow. But Suna forgets, and he does reply, only two weeks later. Yours come in another week. Then his, the week after.

Eventually, rainbow sherbets and the girl he met over summer fades to the back of Suna’s mind, just as the last leaves of autumn sheds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It momentarily crosses his mind to contact you again, two nights before Nationals.

In the rush of prepping for the games and packing for the trip to Tokyo, it slips his mind until he’s standing outside the stadium gates. But they lose to Karasuno, and the message is never sent as he is once again packing to leave.

He suddenly feels like eating rainbow sherbets, but it’s too cold for ice-cream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time Suna sees you, it is once again in Aichi, in the summer of his sixteenth year.

He didn’t plan on coming back here, but after their loss at Nationals and the rigorous training in the following months, Suna decided he needs a break away from Hyogo and the goons he calls his teammates.

He definitely did not expect to see you again.

The sight of you, fingers waving timidly from the sunlit entrance accompanied by bell-chimes, melts the cone in his hand. A fuzzy, sticky repeat of last year.

He’s in that void again, where everything else seems to vanish and there’s hot sand in his ears, between his toes, warm wind in his stomach running up his throat– déjà vu has never felt more full yet it’s different. It’s the same blank space, only less… empty. Less white. There’s color to the sand this year, and he can hear rustling in trees that weren’t there before, only it’s not the wind but fans.

“What’re you doing here?”

“I had fun here last year so,” you shrug, small and shy, head tucked into yourself. “I asked my mum if we could visit again.” A finger twirls a lock of hair.

Suna’s heart leaps as his mind races, jumping and wondering if it was fun because of him because he remembers how you brought Summer into his August. Even if he hasn’t tasted rainbow sherbets since he last saw you, and cannot remember what you talked about under the cover of night and cotton sheets.

In a close replay of last year, Suna feels rejuvenated with your presence in this tiny, warm shop. The fans are a godsend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He wonders if he should apologize for not responding about Tokyo and his haphazard responses until that point. It’s probably weird to do that now.

You don’t mention it either so he figures it doesn’t matter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I wondered if you would be here, but didn’t think that you actually would,” you say, licking at your rainbow sherbet. Typical.

“Me? I’m more surprised you’re here again. There’s nothing to do here.”

“That’s not true. My mum liked it. She likes that it’s close to the ocean but she can still hop on a train and go shopping.”

Suna side-eyes you with doubt but finds you facing him with a grin. His body naturally turns towards you.

“Besides, you’re here too!” you giggle, meaning nothing more than a joke easily said between friends. His chest thrums all the same and white shores seep into his vision.

Suna flicks your forehead in response.

“Hey–”

“Gimmie a bite.”

“I thought you hated rainbow sherbet!” you protest, but bring your cone up anyways.

“Maybe I’ve changed my mind.”

He grabs your wrist as if to steady the cone and prevent any attempt to smash the entire thing into his face. The way he looks at you, steady and unwavering, from underneath the hood of his uniform cap is telling you something else.

Cracks dance up the cone from where your fingers press tightly into the biscuit, raining crumbs onto the space between your bodies. Suna pulls back and you take a large bite opposite of where he sunk his teeth into yellow.

“Yep, it still sucks.”

His face scrunches and you punch his arm. At least he didn’t gag this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suna keeps in touch with you regularly through the year, until the following summer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On his seventeenth summer, Suna plans to go back to Aichi again. This time, he knows you will be there because the two of you planned it.

Now that you’re older, your mum is allowing you to travel on your own; she also trusts the ‘good kid’ to take care of her daughter, to your chagrin.

The Miya twins are constantly bothering Suna this year, wondering why he keeps going back to Aichi when all he’s done is complain about how boring it was in previous years– which it is, besides you. They’ve heard about you before though, the girl he met in the summer of two years ago.

“Ya’ know, she must really like ya’ if she’s goin’ all the way there again to visit ya,’” Atsumu comments, chomping on yakisoba bread. Osamu makes a garbled sound of agreement through his food.

“We’re just friends,” Suna says, face straight, but he wonders if you know how the world vanishes into nothing when he’s with you. He feels anxious merely thinking about it.

“Sure, friends,” Atsumu waggles his brows and Osamu nods.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This year, his uncle invites you to join them for dinner at his grandmother’s home.

He’s spotted you a few times over the years, and gives Suna much grief about the girl his nephew's constantly loitering around with outside of work, and during work. He often says with a wink, “I’m paying you to work, not to flirt!”

Suna never says anything in response, only squints his eyes and shakes his head at the older man that acts younger than Suna himself; he knows he does the work expected of him even if he may slack here and there.

Dinner with his uncle, grandmother, and a cousin that decided to join them last minute is a simple yet loud affair.

Suna’s uncle is rowdy with a positive outlook on all things in life; says he chose to open an ice-cream shop because ice-cream makes everybody smile. His grandmother is along in years, silver crowning her demure frame and lovely smile. She absolutely adores you.

“I’ve never seen Rinrin bring a friend, much less a friend, around. You are his girlfriend, yes?”

Suna’s never had miso up his nostrils before but there we go. A first time for everything.

“Grandma–” he groans but says nothing more; doesn’t attempt to deny it, only glance at you snickering next to him. He notes with a little shake of his leg that you didn’t either.

(He’s overthinking, he’s assuming, he definitely is–)

It’s late when you finally leave, and Suna volunteers to walk you back to your lodge before his uncle can offer to drive you. He can feel their grins burning into his back as he puts on his shoes after you, and throws them an exasperated glare before the door closes.

“Your family is really nice.”

He rubs the space between his brows. “I’m glad they live here and not in Hyogo. They’re too much.”

“What are your parents like?”

“Like that . My mum had to get it from somewhere. My father’s quieter.”

You laugh and conversation flows easy as it always does when he’s with you. He doesn’t have to think about anything in particular; colors naturally flow to color the void without his intention. It’s all peaceful, the world vanishing and leaving a blank canvas that’s meant for you to cover with pale cream footprints, and greens, pinks, and oranges.

Night zephyrs slap a leaf onto your face and you throw it at Suna. A splotch of green spreads on the canvas.

You’ve long since walked by your lodge and Suna follows without question, trailing gravel crunching beneath your shoes and the ocean breeze in your hair. The stars are out in full force tonight but the brightest star is next to him, voice shimmering with August life.

His Summer.

The ocean, pulsating in deep indigo, stretches beyond concrete barriers erected on the road side.

Suna watches when you ignore the barrier’s sole purpose and climb onto it, inviting him to join you with the beckoning of your hand and a pat to the empty space next to you; a space he gladly fills.

“You don’t see stars like this in Tokyo,” you whisper, afraid of shattering the quiet seaside.

Suna takes his phone out, wiping at the black of his screen. You tilt your head, asking doubtfully if he can even snap a photo of the stars with that, but it changes to pleasant surprise when he flips the camera and shifts closer to you.

The dim light from a nearby lamp is barely enough to illuminate your features but if he squints and zooms in, barely – just barely –, you can make out the ridge of his nose below glinting chartreuse through prismatic noise. And Suna can somewhat trace your teeth glowing baby blue and the push of your cheeks.

“It’s so shit,” you guffaw, snatching his phone to zoom around your unrecognizable faces.

“It’s natural lighting. None of those disgusting filters you kids like to use.”

“We’re literally the same age!”

His phone is returned, and Suna’s fingers tap on the back of his case as he deliberates, jittery under the universe and you, wholly unaware of his nerves.

In another 3 hours, the sun will rise and when you finally stand, he finds the courage to blurt the words that have been spooling in his head since midnight.

(He wishes for a longer Summer with you)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All the nervousness that hounded Suna when he invited you to the local fireworks festival a few nights ago? It’s all gone the moment he sees you in your yukata, the folding fan his grandmother lent you slipped neatly into your obi.

Never mind that you packed one for your trip. “Swimsuits are not the only essentials for a summer vacay~”

So you say. Suna isn’t complaining.

Festivals have never been his thing; it’s hot, humid, crowded– moist . Yet, he looked forward to this one with you. He’s never been to this festival until now, walking next to you with a cooler in his hand.

“What’s in there?” you peek curiously at the box, reaching for the clasp.

Suna lifts the box up high where your grubby hands are unable to grab them.

“Later.”

You pout; long fingers poke your cheeks but later comes sooner than you expected. Sitting on a green picnic sheet that has seen better days, Suna opens the box. A pint of rainbow sherbet beams from a bed of ice, to your great pleasure.

“I thought you hated rainbow sherbet!” you exclaim, heartily accepting the spoon he hands you.

Suna shrugs, struggling to keep his expression even at your simple joy. “It’s alright,” he says coolly, popping the lid off and letting you take the first scoop.

A triple-colored wave curls against your spoon just as the first boom goes off, splashing starlit skies with fiery flowers of red, green, and gold.

The plain skies above white shores he shares with you, too, are filled with bursts of rainbows.

(Perhaps it isn’t purple lightning. Instead, it is a pint of ice-cream between your bodies. Love at first sight is a trifecta of colors, exploding)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you believe in love at first sight?”

Your jaw drops, not expecting that question from Suna Rintarou. Nonetheless, you pause, and Suna can see the gears churning in your head. He doesn’t know why, but he appreciates that; a certain pair of twins wouldn’t have given him the same courtesy.

When you finally answer, Suna leans in. “It’s hard to say for sure but I probably do.”

“Probably?”

“I mean, I don’t know if it is love at first sight, but maybe more like wanting to know a person more. Way more than other people, right away.”

Your answer, though not bad, makes Suna a tad nervous.

“It’s like discovering a new place, you know?” You nod to the world outside the shop window, sweltering in the unforgiving sun. “I didn’t think I would love this place the first time I came here. Now I’m here for the third year in a row!”

“With this shop or my hometown?” Suna wears a teasing smirk but it feels like he’s about to have a heart attack.

You smile furtively and Suna never gets an answer. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He very much does.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On your last night in Aichi before you take Summer away with you, Suna unlocks the door to his uncle’s ice-cream shop. He has received express permission to “help yourselves” to a buffet of ice-cream as your farewell gift (until next year).

He’s never eaten so much ice-cream in one sitting before in his life, and likely, neither have you judging by the way you’re massaging your stomach. His own hurts, and the sugar running in his blood makes him want to grab your hand and run out onto the beach.

You groan, poking at the remains of your rainbow sherbet. “Rin~ help me finish this!”

His tongue juts out. “Ew, rainbow sherbet. No thanks.”

“Please! I’m struggling,” you bemoan, listlessly swallowing another spoonful.

Torn between sighing and chuckling at your torment, Suna moves his chair next to yours. His acquiescence revitalizes you, and you immediately bring your spoon up to feed him in a familiar repeat of the first time you met him.

And just like the first time, Suna wraps his hand around your wrist, pulling the spoon– you– closer as he leans in. His palms burn like the mid-August sky over your midsummer skin.

His lips part.

Lime and raspberry. The sour taste makes him squint.

His expression makes you grin, causing the little stripe of green lime on the corner of your mouth to stretch.

It’s that damn stripe’s fault.

It compelled Suna, pulling him beyond the spoon falling loose in your hand to touch his lips on that stripe of green.

A soft taste of lime. Sour. It makes him squeeze his eyes shut, or so he tells himself.

It’s not the hard beating of his heart, the panic that lances him when he realizes what he has done, the fear of seeing your reaction and feeling your mouth tremble against his.

Surprise and nerves, he likes to think, and tells himself.

Suna keeps his eyes squeezed closed, the layer of sweat between where his hand meets your skin palpable as the damning taste of lime on both your lips.

Hours seemed to come and went in the seconds he allowed his hormones and stupid, summery feelings get the better of him and you only sat there, still and silent. Suna still has his eyes sewed shut, and can’t see your expression. He can’t see jack shit and the only thing telling him that you’re still there is the unbroken touch of your lips against his and your shaky, warm breaths.

It was only seconds but it felt like an eternity to Suna, before you finally moved and saved him from his spiraling mind and the awkwardness that was creeping upon him.

It’s tentative, unsure, and Suna wasn’t sure if he imagined it at first but there’s no mistaking the light press back and gods, Suna would have heaved in relief if he wasn’t still connected to you by the mouth, featherlight it may be.

At seventeen, you and Suna shared your first kisses with each other. It was awkward, weird, sticky and tasted like lime. Short. But sweet.

Perhaps rainbow sherbet isn’t as bad as he thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He’s not sure why but in the weeks, then months, following that kiss– unaddressed, unspoken of henceforth– the two of you don’t speak as much anymore. The messages petered out like the end of a summer shower, muggy and uncomfortable, and clings to him long after summer and rain have gone.

The last exchange had been amiable.

‘Good night.’

Yet, it was excruciatingly hard picking it up again as the days slipped by.

The last of autumn’s leaves fall and Suna wonders if it would be strange suddenly messaging you out of the blue. He stares long at the ‘seen’ and timestamp from hotter days.

Gods, he’s seventeen and thinks it’d definitely be lame to do so. Besides, if you wanted to talk to him, you could always message him first too.

And you haven’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You too, stare at the ‘seen’ and timestamp recollecting balmy days. With cheeks pressed deep into your arms and blankets wrapped tight all around against the encroaching winter, wondering what it’d feel like if it were the arms of a certain ice-cream shop boy instead.

But you’re seventeen and the future is scary and uncertain.

The letter confirming your acceptance to your chosen study abroad program peeks tauntingly at you from underneath stacks of books.

You were happy– still are– when you received the news back in July. You had planned to share that joy with Suna when you met him in Aichi in the summer. Yet, something held you back, kept the words from being spilled even as ice-cream melted and foolish secrets were shared under starry skies and blanket of waves.

You were resolved to tell him and had been prepared to do so on your last night in Aichi–

Then he kissed you. And you kissed back, with surprise and an elated heart.

And you didn’t say anything after that.

Stupid.

It’s all so silly. This crushing in your chest– you want to stay, to visit Aichi and see Suna again. You want to go, pursue your dreams and studies abroad as you have always planned before him and his damn pink-yellow cap ever appeared in your life.

You want more summer days with Suna, and autumn, winter, and spring! You want all the seasons with him, to explore this undeniable attraction but–

‘Good night.’

It’s been weeks since either of you said anything. They always say that if a guy truly likes you, he would reach out no matter what.

And he hasn’t.

You’re going abroad. You already know that, deep in your mind, despite what your young heart longs for.

You’re seventeen and decided that it would be illogical to pursue anything with the ice-cream boy, with the most brilliant, unforgettable set of eyes you met over summers.

And just like that, it was as if neither of you were ever in each other’s lives.

Like fireworks, the two of you splashed and burned brief, shared months and dispersed in wisps of smoke to the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On his eighteenth summer, Suna returns to Aichi again to work at his uncle’s shop.

He has since moved to Tokyo to pursue his own ambitions, but something he wishes to not name pulls him back to his uncle’s shop, like it had every year, for the past three years.

His eyes constantly dart to look at every shadow that passes by the windows, and his head zooms up with every ding of the bell. The days pass slowly, more excruciating than usual, thick and syrupy from dawn to dusk.

You never showed up.

(It doesn’t feel like summer at all)

The bell chimes for what would be the final time for Suna. As the last customer of the summer and the rest of his life ponders what flavor they will have, Suna impetuously stabs the tasting spoon he had been holding into the swirly tub of green, orange, and pink– and takes a bite.

Yuck. Rainbow sherbet isn’t as good as he thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are eighteen and abroad, young and excited.

Yet everytime you come across an ice-cream shop, hear waves and feel the sand between your toes, see the occasional, miraculous starry sky–

From halfway across the world, you are reminded of brilliant yellow eyes and a boy in pink and yellow stripes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On your nineteenth summer, you return to Aichi.

With a thudding heart and hopes and young daydreams of what could be.

Will it be awkward? What shall you say first? Something witty or nostalgic? What will he say when he sees you? Will he be happy to see you?

The bell chimed and none of those mattered when it wasn’t Suna at the counter but his uncle instead.

“Didn’t he tell you? He isn’t returning to Aichi this year.”

“Oh.” Your throat is closing up. “I wanted to surprise him so I didn’t ask him in case it tipped him off–” You rub your neck to alleviate the embarrassment burning hot there and blink multiple times, forcing away the rising pressure in your eyes.

“You silly kids!” Suna’s uncle laughs. “He was here last year but you weren’t! And now you are! Wait till I tell him–”

“Please don’t tell him! He might feel bad if you did, and it was entirely my fault for not checking with him.” In truth, you called but the line didn’t go through. His number has changed.

“You sure? Knowing Rintarou he’d just scratch his bum about it–”

You giggle despite your falling heart. “I’m sure. Perhaps next year.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You return to Aichi again on your twentieth summer. And your twenty-first.

Unlike previously, it was less for the specific purpose of seeing him and more to visit a place, and its inhabitants, that has grown close to you.

But the hope that he would be there never truly died, and each time you entered the ice-cream shop with a full heart close to combusting, that does, inadvertently burst.

For Suna never visited Aichi again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been four years since Suna last visited his hometown. He is now twenty-two.

In his defense, he presently plays for EJP Raijins and has been incredibly busy with his career; the last few years have been tough: training, press, tournaments, and everything else that comes with becoming an upcoming pro athlete.

His family understands that. Still, it has been a while since he saw his grandmother and uncle; his parents visit him in Tokyo every year. So he’s invited them all to his game this year, fully paid for by him.

Only, in place of his grandmother, he saw you instead when he went to greet them in the hall before the game. There you were, shuffling nervously next to his uncle, looking as if you haven’t changed at all in the last four years, even if you have grown up. The both of you have.

Suna felt it again, the same feeling he had when he saw you all those years ago. It’s faint, dimmer than when it first manifested in his fifteen year old self; a white void, great and silent, cascading onto him. But it’s the same one, he’s sure of it. Because he’s never felt it with anyone else he’s met, and he’s met a lot of people in recent years.

Suna doesn’t know why; it’s illogical, but he supposes that everything concerning this feeling is, though he is reluctant to name it. He’s always thought that, long before it happened to him.

Long before he met you.

“Hi,” you say shyly.

It feels like he freshly emerged from an overtime match when he breathes out, “Hey.”

These two words are all that is said between you before he is marching off to the locker rooms with an empty head– white shores– ‘Hi’s and ‘Hey’s etched in the sand. Suna wants to ram his head onto the lockers for reasons he cannot comprehend.

Seeing you again after all these years…he is transported back to his uncle’s shop, wearing that stupid pink and yellow striped uniform with chocolate dripping down his hand. The EJP Raijins jersey he’s quietly proud of melts away in the face of you, an occurrence he never fathomed.

The void stays when the whistle blows, but he isn’t distracted. On the contrary, the thought of you in the crowd, watching him, sustains the quiet shores inside of his mind and heart; its peace drowns out the cheers.

And Suna played the best he has ever played since he joined the team.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Rintarou, stop being dumb. I thought you’re smarter than this.”

“Uncle, what are you talking about–”’

“You know what I’m talking about! Watching you two during dinner was embarrassing! You barely spoke! Your grandfather’s rolling in his grave!”

“...no one asked you to look,” Suna counters weakly. “And leave grandpa out of this. Have some decency.”

His uncle rubs the palms of his hands into his eyes before carding them through his graying hair.

“I’ve watched you dance around each other since you were fifteen! Especially you, Suna!” he complains then repeats, “Fifteen! I didn’t let you have an ice-cream buffet for it to turn out like this!”

“We weren’t doing anything–”

“Rintarou.”

The serious tone his uncle took on made stops Suna mid-sentence. “She visited Aichi the last three years that you haven’t. She says it’s not to see you but she always asks how you’ve been doing.”

The information stuns Suna. You went back to Aichi? Why didn’t you say anything– oh. He changed his number. Well, why didn’t his uncle say anything?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he inquires.

“She told me not to tell you, says she didn’t want to bother you and that ‘it’s weird.’ You kids and your social taboos. Still, I promised and I don’t break my promises.” He jabs Suna on the chest and adds, “You better not too!”

“It’s why I don’t make promises,” Suna mumbles and swats his uncle’s hand away. “Anyways, there’s nothing to say–”

His uncle lets out a loud, garbled cry of random sounds. “Your grandmother didn’t give her tickets away for you to chicken out! Your parents raised you better than this!”

“I can’t believe even grandma is in on this…”

Strong hands clasp him on the shoulders and Suna is forced to look his uncle in the eye.

“Go and talk to her. Properly. Like an adult.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

knock knock

‘Talk to her or I’ll tell grandma about the things you post on your Instagruel, Instrument– whatever it’s called!’

Suna sighs as he wonders why he never saw his uncle as the extortionist that he is. The man quite literally made him promise, with linked pinkies and all, to go talk to you before the night is over.

Suna doesn’t make promises but he keeps those that he does.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to you. But what is there to say? Things weren’t exactly… clear , the last you and him spoke and saw each other, for that matter. He kissed you, you kissed back, and then poof. In modern dating terms, it’s safe to say that you mutually ghosted each other out of sheer– he doesn’t know what on your end– but definitely young stupidity on his.

“Rin? It’s getting late, what are you doing here?” You blink at him, surprise plain on your face at the unexpected guest.

Suna almost smiles at the nickname. It’s been a while since he heard you address him by that. At all, really.

He takes in your appearance, notes your fingers tugging at the hem of your shirt and the drumming of the other on the doorknob. Have you been as restless as he was this entire evening?

“I was wondering if you’d like to go for a walk with me?” Suna winces at his unnatural politeness. It’s you; he’s never this polite with you, not even when you were a customer. It’s bizarre.

There’s a brief moment of hesitance, unconscious, in the way you took a small step back before you’re nodding and asking him to wait whilst you went back inside your hotel room to change.

The winter air is crisp, wind tunneling between the buildings whipping at your figures as Suna leads you around aimlessly. Truth be told, he had no idea where to go or what to say.

“How have you been?” You break the ice.

Right, that’s a good place to start.

“I’ve been good. You?”

“I’ve been good too.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Yeah.”

Suna wishes a truck will run off the curb and hit him now. His fingers are freezing off in his pockets and somehow they’re still sweating.

This is absolutely terrible.

A ray of hope cuts the grey path ahead, and Suna manages to peel his eyes away from his shoes to gaze upon his salvation–

Oh. It’s an ice-cream shop.

The irony isn’t lost on him. You don’t miss it either, for you peek up at him shyly, scratching at your cold cheeks, and ask, “Do you want to get any? For old time’s sake.”

When he nods, you turn and lead the way, grabbing the handle and missing how Suna stops following you just shy of the shop’s awning. He prefers to quickly rip the bandaid off.

“What happened?”

“Huh?” You look over your shoulder, confused. “What do you mean?”

Suna buries his face into his scarf as if to hide the burning ridge of his nose. “That night… you kissed back,” he mumbles. He has to force himself to look back at you, to discern and verify the rapid changes in your expression as you look for an answer.

Surprise, self-consciousness, bashfulness, nervousness, nostalgia–

“I–,” you clear your throat, the shop light shining like a beacon on your blushing skin, “I did.”

“Why did you kiss me back?” he addresses the giant, tri-colored elephant that has been slumbering in the back of his mind for years.

You sputter. “Why are you asking this all of a sudden? It was so long ago.”

“Tell me.” Suna persists, taking a step forward with narrowed eyes, pushing for a reason, an excuse, to justify the cloudy feelings he has been harboring for all these years and now jostled up by your unannounced appearance in his life again.

He’s not mad, he doesn’t not want you here, but the lack of closure for his young feelings, your reaction, and the lack of events that followed all those years ago isn’t pleasant. It leaves a muddy clog in his chest and quite frankly, he dislikes it. There was so much left unsaid and unexplained; perhaps he should have let it go and Suna thought he did. Until he saw you again.

And Suna knows, he just knows, that you feel the same way as he did.

Why else would you come see him play? Why else would you go back to Aichi the last couple of years?

Why did you two simply drift apart?

He’s so close to you now that he can see the perspiration beading on you, feel your warmth radiating and seeping into the folds of his clothes. You refuse to meet his eyes, looking here and there and everywhere but him right before you. Similarly, his heart is beating so loud that he’s sure you can hear it.

“Tell me.”

“Because I liked you! Okay?!” You finally cave, admitting with eyes squeezed tight. It reminds Suna of how he too kept his eyes closed as if his life depended on it when he first kissed you.

“Then why didn’t you say anything!? Why did you stop responding?”

“Don’t try and pin it on me. You didn’t contact me any further!”

“Neither did you!”

“Well, you changed your number and didn’t tell me!”

“That’s because I thought we’re no longer speaking with each other!”

You’re both breathing fast, hearts and emotions rising, and Suna glimpses the shop staff staring in concern through the glass. He deflates with a sigh and steps back before the staff misunderstands the situation and calls the police.

The streets of Tokyo are rarely silent yet somehow, this little area in the big city is exactly that. There’s only the sound of distant cars humming like waves on distant shores, and the muted chatter of people buzzing like summer cicadas; it reminds Suna of the times he went on late night walks with you along the beaches of his hometown.

You slap your hands over your face. “Oh my god…”

He snorts and laughs in turn at the incredulous conversation that took place. It doesn’t take long for you to peek through your fingers and join as well, chortling in disbelief.

“We were fucking dumb ,” he states.

“In our defense, we were young.”

“Still dumb.”

“Yeah, we were.”

An embarrassing silence follows as you stare at each other. Sunca can see the gears in your head churning, processing the revelation that the two of you had been, well, dumbasses for years. He can empathize, for his brain hurtles through the same process.

You break eye contact and look down at your shoes, scuffing them against concrete. “I guess there’s also another reason why I was hesitant to contact you after,” you begin mumbling, and Suna reflexively curls his hands into fists within the confines of his pockets.

“Yeah? Besides being a teenager incapable of communication?”

“It’s a better reason than that!” you pout furiously, head sinking into your scarf. “I was going abroad. I have been abroad, the last few years. College.

Suna whistles, sincerely impressed. “Nice. Where at?”

“Irrelevant. I’ll tell you later,” you brush off his question to continue your explanation– reasoning– to why you stopped contacting him.

Suna watches intently as you take a deep breath, idly noting how the ice-cream store staff are still staring at your figures with too much curiosity and intensity, the shop door failing to completely mute his conversation with you, bits and pieces filtering through the little vents at its foot.

One male staff even holds a cone in his hand, watching the scene unfold as if this were a movie. The man takes a long lick, eyes all the while glued on your figures.

“That night when you– we, well, you know–” you stumble over your words and Suna finds not much has changed; you were still as bad at communicating your feelings as you were at seventeen. You clear your throat of the clogging shyness, “At that time I already knew I was leaving Japan as soon as I graduated. I planned to tell you but then you–”

“I kissed you,” he supplies plainly.

“Yes. And, well, there didn’t seem to be a good moment to tell you after that,” you finish softly. Regret isn’t the right word to describe your feelings in this moment, reflecting back on that summer night and the next four years without closure. You do not regret ever following your aspirations abroad, especially not over a boy in your youth. You weren’t that dumb. However, you admit that you could have handled it better, communicated it, talked with him– “I should have handled it better.”

“Yeah, you should have.”

A disbelieving gasp leaves you, head whipping up angrily to tell Suna off but the teasing grin that greets you has your anger easily deflating.

Suna understands. He really does, because he would have done the same thing in your position. Had he known you were going to leave the country, would he still have kissed you? Probably, only because his body moved on its own that night. Though it doesn't mean he forgot the flutters, the want, whenever he was with you back then. It’s not too far off from what he’s feeling in the present; it’s dimmer, but it has grown, matured with him in age. He’s no longer as jittery and blinded by white shores.

He’s grown. You’ve grown.

“I should have done better too.”

A cloak that has long rested on the depths of his heart– of gray clouds and why’s, unnamed yet felt, ignored but not forgotten, existing as surely as he does breathes– lifts the moment he utters these words. He feels revivified– released, of this midsummer memory that has crawled into his mind countless times in the minutes before sleep takes him (his brain has a penchant of replaying it for him unbidden at 2am). Suna shudders to think that had his family not invited you to his match, he and you would have continued on with your lives carrying overcast hearts caused by something as silly as simply being teenagers still learning and growing.

Judging by the smile dimpling your cheeks, Suna knew you felt the same.

He nods at the shop door behind you. “We should probably go inside. That is…if you still want to?”

Your answer comes in a shy smile burrowing into clothes and a blast of hot air that his chilled body welcomes. The shop bell chimes and you are both transported to past summers and the first time you met in a wave of nostalgia.

Suna hasn’t gone to an ice-cream shop since the last time he worked for his uncle, having subconsciously avoided them in the shadow of his volleyball career as an excuse; your love for ice-cream shops developed because of many days spent at one with a special boy, and many more visited over the years in reminiscence and perhaps regret.

“There’s a buy one free one scoop deal for couples.” The male staff, the audacious one from before, announces when you reach the counter.

“Oh, we’re not–” you begin but Suna nudges you sneakily.

“Pick whatever flavor you want, honey. My treat.”

You had been his first love at first sight. And likely, you are the last.

Because Suna thinks that people who fall head over heels for someone at first glance are fools. Love is something that is grown into, to be slowly nurtured with time and dedication. To his logic-based brain, the entire idea of smashing head first into love at a glance is ludicrous, like a bad car crash where you never see it coming until it's too late.

He knows because he’s experienced it. Both the unexplainable, ridiculous butterflies sprouting into existence the moment you stepped through the door and into his life, and the subsequent 7 years it took to nurture it.

There was no car crash however, only teen folly and human imperfection.

You glance up at him with a cheeky grin as you answer, sing-song and all-knowing.

“I’ll have a rainbow sherbet.”

“Yuck.”

“It’s a good flavor!!”

An expression you’re not sure you have ever seen Suna make before lights his face for but a transient second. It’s one of those laughter-smiles, all teeth with wide lips and wrinkles accompanied by tuneful joy. Suna knows it too because the muscles pulling at his cheeks are unfamiliar, straining wider than he usually lets them in his side smirks.

“In that case, two rainbow sherbets please,” he tells the staff. He can feel your gaze pressing onto the side of his face with a question unspoken, and this is when Suna brings out his infamous smirk.

He takes both cones and turns to you with green, pink, and orange in the palms of his hands. A trifecta of colors.

They say that everyone becomes a believer of love at first sight when it happens to them. Well, Suna rightly doesn’t know.

All he knows is that, instead of purple lightning striking, there was only a void filled with empty white shores whenever he saw you; it didn’t matter how many times or how long in between. All Suna knows is that the world fades away in the presence of you.

As he hands you your cone, Suna sees colors dyeing the white shores below his feet once more.

And Suna knows he will do it right this time.

#suna rintarou x reader #suna x reader #haikyuu x reader #suna rintarou x you #suna rintaro x reader #inarizaki x reader #hq x reader #suna rintarou #suna x you #hq!! x reader

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sunshinechay · 1 year

Text

So I was watching the new La Pluie episode and seeing everyone’s reactions and it finally hit me as to why I love Tai and his narrative so much.

The narrative is allowing him to make the worst, the most ugly choice, but more than that. It is letting him be unlikeable. Especially in a non traditional way.

The most memorable non likeable protagonist to me is Emma Woodhouse from Emma (I think I also might have Austen on the brain from Step By Step don’t judge me). She is vain and arrogant and generally doesn’t listen to a lot of people until she has finally alienated so many people in her life that she is forced to stop and to ask herself, “am I the problem here?” When she realizes the answer is yes, she goes about at least attempting to improve. She apologizes to the people she’s hurt, trying to be more humble and learn more humility and to generally be a better person. She is not the most amazing person by the end, but she is better and she will continue to work on herself the further in life she gets.

I see a similar thing happening to Saengtai. While he is not rude or vain or arrogant (hence non traditional unlikability) but he is that guy who will just, not say anything. He is the person who will ghosts his kind of ex because he doesn’t know how to start the hard conversation. He can’t help but make a lot of things about himself and his struggles and his problems, even when they’re not. I mean, he holds a grudge against his mother for 2 years about the divorce and her getting remarried but never bothers to attempt to ask her about anything, about how she feels about the divorce or her remarriage. He is selfish and self cantered and conflict avoidant to fault. He feeds into Tien’s belief that his feelings don’t matter by never noticing when his brother is struggling, up to and including Tien’s feelings for Lomfon. Again this might be unintentional but it is no less selfish.

I really love that about his character. That he is allowed to act that way without being portrayed as the bad guy or the villain. He is now being afforded the opportunity to grow and reflect upon himself. He starts that this episode with apologizing to Tien and having that open discussion with his parents and brother. His parents had to start the conversation because of how much they left out of their initial explanation of their divorce to their children but it is still proves to be a learning opportunity for him and I believe Tien as well. I don’t mind this as I think it would be good (though a little cliche and trope-y) for Tai’s big attempt at communicating and communicating effectively be with Patts (I love cliches and tropes and I’m not sorry about it haha). His parents know and understand in the way that Tai thinks Patts should already and are thus able to better understand and predict what Tai is upset about and what he needs to talk about the most. Patts however, has no such ability.

I’m almost hoping that Tai’s first attempt kind of fails as no attempt at a conversation is perfect and miscommunication happens, so it’s important it make sure you try and again and again, especially when you know the other person is as important to you as Patts is to Tai. Plus Patts deserves to have Tai fight for him. He’s been through so much and I think it would go a long way for Patts to be able to see that Tai isn’t going to give up when his first try goes badly.

I also really liked his meeting with Lomfon. Perhaps not the ending, but I don’t blame him for Patts’s reaction either. Tai had no reason to believe that Patts would show up. He just wanted to clear the air with Lomfon and offer his support and friendship. Both Lomfon and Tai are in a very similar position to one another so it’s no surprise to me that Tai finds it the easiest to talk with him and forgive him.

I can’t wait to see Tai develop even more next episode. He is taking responsibility for his actions, for what he is has said and what he hasn’t. I also hope that he will continue to work on it through the episode. This show’s writing has been on point this entire time and so I’m really hoping for a good ending that ties everything together.

#la pluie #la pluie the series #la pluie meta #pattstai #pattsaengtai #i hope this makes sense #i just love patts and tai so much #and i love tai’s journey #and i love patts’s journey #cap watches la pluie #cap speaks

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this-acuteneurosis · 1 year

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I kind of want to get you started on mind tricks. cause like weak minded to strong minded dynamic and the blur away, but also the sith back in the day were for SURE a Caste system of force sensitive rulers and non force sensitives, and the jedi were their ENEMY off and on for thousands of years, cultural bleed through and dynamics of their own power systems but Ben we are not the droids you are looking for go away so I dont have to kill you, versus Qui hey I want this thing trade it for me.

Alright, Oct anon, it's been a while, but I have not forgotten you definitely forgot this ask in my drafts for who even knows how many months but it's found again, whoo!

It's taken me a while to get this together partly to try and arrange my thoughts in a logical order but also...

Guys, I really, really care about the use of agency in stories. Like, I've ranted about it in relation to droids, I've explained some of my problems with it in the context of the thematic changes between the OT and the PT, I stew over it constantly in my brain, it's a central theme of many of my own stories (including DLB).

I really don't like mind control, and not just in Star Wars.

Now, just because I don't like a thing doesn't mean it doesn't have a place in story telling. As a device, mind control/manipulation can be useful or important to a plot. To a theme. Overcoming it can be powerful or cool (Ella Enchanted-I prefer the novel personally, Tanjiro in Demon Slayer: Mugen Train), watching someone succumb to it can be agonizing (Frodo in Return of the King, anyone? Princess Euphemia in Code Geass?).

So, what is the point of Mind Tricks (and that naming choice, "trick," making it sound almost...harmless) in the Star Wars story, and maybe in the universe?

I feel like in its initial reveal, the mind trick was supposed to a) convey how "magical" Jedi were and b) get the plot from point A to B. Obi-Wan waves his hand, someone believes something hideously untrue, move along move along, don't think about it too hard.

Like, literally, audience, please. Don't.

Luke uses it in RotJ for pretty much the same reason. To convery a) Luke is well on his way to being a "magical" Jedi now (oh but wait, there's more character growth he needs!), and b) Luke needs to get into Jabba's palace and why would they let him in? Because he says so, so we will take him to Jabba now. Move along, move along.

I don't like the implications of this power existing, and as an adult who has been in situation where I have to report to higher powers, the disregard of the consequences of these things are a bit darker if I look too closely, but like...move along, I guess. It's fine as long as we're only using these powers on space nazis and slavers. Right?

Except then we get more movies. And cartoons. It's fine if Obi-Wan mind controls a person into not smoking, right? Smoking is Bad and Obi-Wan is Good.

Only.

Only...

Who taught Obi-Wan to use mind tricks?

Ah yes, my old nemesis.

To all you Qui-Gon fans out there, you may wanna leave. This analysis is probably not for you.

So like, Qui-Gon Jinn. Qui-Gon "I'm friends with the current Chancellor and thus an obvious, notable representative of the Jedi Order but I don't get along with my higher ups" Jinn. The thing you have to understand about my opinion of him is that, as a young, first time watcher of TPM, I liked him. He was funny, irreverent, direct. He was wise, or at least seemed to know things no one else did. He was a maverick, ready to go against all orders and advice for what he knew was right. And everyone around him was just stuffy and uninformed.

And to be fair, he wasn't wrong about everything. He's set up to be sympathetic. He's trying to treat with the gungans and they won't listen? Well he and Obi-Wan are right, the Trade Federation does go for the gungans. The Order says there are no Sith? Oops, wrong on that one. The Council makes the ambiguous assertion Anakin is "too old" to train. We've seen the OT. We know "too old" is nonsense.

But like, what does Qui-Gon do when he's thwarted?

He takes away people's agency.

Oh, you don't want to help us, Boss Nass, political leader? Cool, well I'm gonna undermine you in front of your entire court and you're gonna give us a whole ship (that we won't return) to help us defend a people you've been in an active war with for centuries. Oh, my currency doesn't work on this planet? I think it will mister small time junk dealer with a gambling problem (jokes on you for that one, sir).

This to me is a huge red flag in a story that is about literal slaves. I know people will defend the above examples. It was necessary. There were lives at stake.

You wanna know who would have suffered if Qui-Gon had been able to con Watto out of that part?

Anakin and Shmi.

Worthless (or event mostly worthless) currency on a planet where you have to buy water is literal death under the right circumstances. And who do you think Watto's going to reduce rations on. He's got cash flow problems? What's the quickest way for him to make back what he just lost? I'll give you a hint, he gambles on them later in the exact same movie.

So like, well before we get to "weak minded" or anything dubious like that, there's this awkward question of, "Why are the good guys always using powers to make people do things? And not worried about the consequences?"

And like, if we go back to simple story narratives, and trying to move things from point A to point B, that's fine I guess. I enjoy the OT. I'll move along.

But if you ask me to stop and think about it.

Well...

#my soapbox meta #agency #this is without even touching on things like #Anakin accidentally-on purpose?-mind tricking Padmé theories #or like #dubious racial/class implications #teaching this skill to ~~~children~~~#so many other things

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bangtaninborderland · 1 year

Text

JHS - Twisted Feelings (9)

Summary: After working at an award show for 2 years everything had become normal, idols were no longer exciting to see, performances became dull and every day blended together, that was until an unexpected man asked for your help.

Warning: mentions of threat, blackmail?

A:N: you can find a layout image of YNS apartment at the end! Just for easier reading I’m marking any English in ITALICS, I wasn’t going to update BUT I had a little free time I leave to see yoongi next week so this will probably be the last update until I’m back!

Ch.08| Masterlist | Ch.10

When you got home it was dark, you ate, showered and climbed into bed. You were intent on turning your phone off for the night, wanting to disconnect from the world but the reminder that Hobi had asked you to let him know you got home safe stopped you.

You reached across the bed to grab the device, bridging up his contact chat.

YN: got home safe, thank you.

HS: You don’t have to thank me, did you eat?

YN: Yeah, did you?

HS: I did, had a luxurious pot of ramen.

YN: wow you really live the rich life.

HS: only the best of the best, nothing beats the reduced section in the convenience store. 🍜

YN: I’ll have to try it someday. 🤞🏻

YN: oh no

HS: What’s wrong?

YN: I still have your shirt I was planning to return it today but with all the drama it slipped my mind, I’ll give it back tomorrow I’m so sorry.

HS: Keep it.

YN: I couldn’t do that, it’s far too valuable.

HS: I eat cheap sale section ramen, I don’t have much a care about money nor the value of possessions. I liked the shirt, I brought it, I wore the shirt, you needed the shirt, I gave it to you.

YN: I don’t like taking things from people.

HS: You’re too much like Yoongi Hyung. Don’t think about it too much, if I want the shirt back I’ll ask. For now, take care of it for me. Okay? :)

YN: okay, thank you. :]

HS: Im heading home now, I’ll see you tomorrow if we cross paths after your class with Jungkook. Go easy on him.

YN: I’ll try to! Go safely, Goodnight.

HS: Goodnight. 😇

You shuffled over onto your other side, shoving your phone under your pillow before wrapping the covers around yourself.

Today definitely had been one of the worst for a while, you had this sickening feeling. You’d only been working there a few days and so much had happened already, it made you really think about the things they would go through, the things they had been through the duration of their career thus far. Maybe you could ask Jungkook, he seemed to like you. Maybe Hoseok would tell you but you postponed the idea for now, the worry of upsetting them or seeming overly invested was probably a bad take right now.

You let yourself drift off, your brain reluctantly shutting off the thought of who could be threatening you. The dark boundless space of sleep provides you with some much-needed rest.

Or so you hoped.

Your alarm went off at 6 am, normally you’d groan and ignore it for a few minutes but today you were already awake, tracing patterns in the white walls after a restless night. Nightmares occupy your dreams, a faceless figure attacking you at your childhood home. Fitting for the current situation.

You dressed down today, black slacks and a black shirt to match. Not feeling interested in putting together an award-winning outfit, you were already exhausted there was no need to spend any extra energy on things that didn’t require it.

You were nearly ready when the faint sound of your phone vibrating stopped you, the initials JJK on the screen.

“Hello?” You picked up, resting the phone between your cheek and shoulder as you put your socks on.

“Noona?” Jungkook called, it sounded as if he was whispering. “Are you busy?”

“I’m getting ready to come in now, is everything okay?”

“Don’t come into the company, it’s really busy and there are reporters outside.” He explained you could hear voices in the back although you were unable to make out who.

You considered following his advice but decided against it, work is where you should be. “I should still come in, we are supposed to have a lesson today.”

“We can still have it, I talked to the managers and they agreed it’s okay to have it at vision.”

“What’s that?” You checked through your bag, making sure you had everything necessary to teach.

“It’s somewhere we use a lot, it’s a cafe. The managers know the owners, it’s safe.” It makes sense why you’d never heard of it, cafes weren’t your go-to.

You hummed in response. Sliding your card into your purse. “Send me the address and I’ll get a taxi there.”

“It’s okay.” He laughed. “The manager can pick you up, they said we will go past your address anyway.”

His voice sounded different through the phone, if you hadn’t seen him face to face before you’d never pictured he looked the way he did. His bright eyes and soft expressions not matching the rough voice he had. It was most likely from their recent rehearsals, you’d known other idols to lose their voice especially when rehearsing for a tour. “Sure, just send me a text when you’re downstairs and I’ll come right out.”

“Sounds good, bye Noona.”

“Bye.” You dropped your phone at the sound of the call ending, you wouldn’t have enough time to eat breakfast but admittedly that was your fault. Besides, it’s not like Jungkook would mind you eating at the cafe - well you hoped. You still found yourself feeling unsure at the lines between you all. You were a staff member and technically they were your boss or at least they were more valued, what they wanted was what you give them, that is if you want to keep your job.

You finished up both your hair, skincare and make-up in 25 minutes which definitely was a new kind of personal record, you knew you had unanswered messages from NaRae but she would understand that things in your life had picked up suddenly.

The only call you were waiting on was from Jungkook so when your phone went off you were positive it was him, not even glancing at the name before accepting.

Deep breaths filled the line, almost as if someone had been running for an extended period of time. You pulled it back only to see a no-caller ID message.

“Who is this?” You weren’t one to get scared easily but this was different, you felt too aware even more so when the heavy breathing was the only response given to you. “Hello? I asked who is this?”

The voice was distorted giving you no clues to their identity. “Stay away from them.” You didn’t ask who, you knew what it was about, running over to your windows you looked around.

Seeing nothing out of the ordinary you put the phone back to your ear, perching yourself on the kitchen stool. “I don’t know who you are but this has to stop, I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“You’re a liar, I don’t know why they would employ you. What if I told them about Jung-woo.” You felt your heart drop at the name you hadn’t heard for years, the incident being one of your most traumatic. “I know all sorts of things about you. I want you to help me find all sorts of things too. When I call you better answer or I’ll make sure everyone knows about you.”

You didn’t have time to respond before the call was over, you didn’t know if you had the ability to. You hadn’t heard that name in years, distant memories from your childhood creating an unsettling storm without you.

You wanted to call Narae, tell her about it, try to figure out who knew and how but you didn’t have time, you watched the familiar black car pull into your building and a text notification light up your screen.

JJK: outside Noona.

YN: coming!

You weren’t sure if you could make it to the car without throwing up, you’d never felt more regret about work. Your sullen face was a deep contrast to the grin Jungkook was wearing, clearly in a good mood.

You greeted both him and the manager as you got into the backseat of the car your seat beside the singers, you noticed your hands shaking as you clipped on the seatbelt but still forced a smile. “How are you today Noona?”

“I’m fine. I thought we could take a simple English test today it’s an online one and it will allow me to see where we should start. Do you know the alphabet?” You tried to seem as professional as possible even with your worried mind.

The younger laughs, nodding. “I know the alphabet I’m not that far behind.”

You laughed with him, yours much more half heated than his. “It’s important for me to know, it’s like someone learning Korean without knowing Hangul. It wouldn’t work.”

“I suppose so, although you could still learn the meaning of words and how to say them through videos.” He countered, his head resting against the window.

“Ah but imagine how much easier it would be if they learned Hangul and then could read and pronounce them without the videos. You won’t be able to watch videos on stage which is why it’s good to understand and be able to speak even basic English.” You explained, folding your fingers against themselves.

“I guess but is there like an easy way that I can become really good at it? I want the hyungs to be surprised.” You found his take endearing, you could see from your position that they were all close. “It must be fun to know English.”

“It’s become very normal to me now, I do prefer doing everything in Korean though.” It was much easier, even if you did have an extensive understanding of the English language.

“Can we talk in English?” He was so excited and it was your job to indulge them in any teacher matter, you smiled at him and nodded. Your brain seemed to filter out once you said hello in English.

You wanted to take notes but the bumpy car ride would have made them a mess so instead you formed a mental diary ready to take note of his current abilities. “What are you doing today?”

“I am taking class for studying English!” You loved his enthusiasm, his accent a clear mix of false American and Korean. “With teacher.” He tacks on.

You giggle at his grand gesture to you. “Good! Now can you tell me your favourite things?”

“I like…” he trailed off looking around for something to point out. “Oh, I like art!” He pointed out the window to a mural that had been painted along the side of a building. “I wish I could get out and take pictures” he mumbled in Korean, a sadness to his tone.

“Why, we can ask to stop?” You continued in English.

He shook his head. “No, busy, lots of people can look.” It was clear English wasn’t the most difficult for him, seeming to have a good grasp of the language, certain letters could be pronounced softer but somehow his choice of tone fit his personality. The exposure to it whilst they spent time overseas definitely had helped give them an advantage when it came to learning. “Unsafe.”

“Maybe you could come back later at night and take some?” You hoped your solution fixed his dulled excitement but it just drew a deep sigh from him.

“I guess.”

“Do you ever feel like you miss things?” You couldn’t stop yourself before the question was out. “Don’t answer that if you feel uncomfortable I’m sorry if that was over the line.”

He rushed to answer. “No no it’s fine, I don’t like to be sad because I’m privileged. I get to experience so many wonderful things and meet so many wonderful people but sometimes I wish I enjoyed the simple things in life, taking a walk on the street, going for a meal, going to see a movie.”

You could understand the wish, it was simple and yet for someone who had so much money and the ability to do so many extraordinary things there were so many simple ones that he just couldn’t have. Things money couldn’t buy. “I can’t relate to it but I do understand. It’s okay to feel sad about things though, sad emotions are okay as much as thankfulness.”

He gave you a nod. “I can see why Hobi Hyung likes you so much. You’re kind. We are here by the way.”

The sudden revelation threw you off, it was nice to be liked. It was a quaint area, there was no foot traffic. You could see why it appealed to the members. “It’s nice here.”

“Let me take the bag.” He held his hand out and you handed it over, thankful to give your shoulder a break from the weight, even if it was for a few minutes books are heavy. “You should try the cake they have here, it is so fresh.”

“They bake it fresh?” Many of the cafes in Seoul despite being trendy and cute usually had a funky taste, it was rare to find a fresh cafe.

“Fresh?” He looked at you for a few seconds before seemingly understanding what you meant. “Yes. It’s the best, I’ll buy us one for the trouble.” He laughs holding the door open.

True to his word - and your refusal - he brought you both cake and a coffee that was 3 sizes too big. The lesson had gone smoothly, Jungkook understood most things and tried hard to understand others. The earlier call dance around the outskirts of your brain, the distorted voice coming back now and again.

You knew you should tell the management but the threat of no name exposing something so private made you hesitant, instead you settled on calling NaRae once you got back home. The manager returned three hours later to pick you both up, dropping you off before taking Jungkook to the company. The younger explained that he had some work to finish.

You ran into the convenience store down the street, grabbing some snacks, gimbap and ramen. Dinner would have to be quick tonight, you’d already called NaRae who said she would come over right away after hearing your worried tone and you didn’t want to keep her waiting.

You arrived home, a knock following just after you’d taken your shoes off. You opened it to find a slightly tired-looking NaRae who offered you a plastic bag before stepping inside. “You look like you went to a funeral, why is your outfit so…sad?”

You ignored her comment brushing it off with an eye roll. “What’s this?” You peeked inside, slowing the door with your foot. “Food?”

“Dumplings.” She smiled, already reaching to grab chopsticks and bowls from the cupboards in your kitchen. “Didn’t seem like you had a great day I thought it would help. Go sit I’ll make it.”

“Oh, yeah thank you.” You handed the bag back over to her and took a seat at the table as she brought over the food, the smell already causing your mouth to water. “They smell so good.”

“So what’s wrong?” She sighed, picking up her own chopsticks.

“Someone called me today, they told me that I should quit.” You started out, wanting to gauge her demeanour before continuing.

She gave you a confused look, you always loved how she has the inability to mask her emotions with a straight face. Her open expression earned you both a few issues in the past. “Is that all? I thought someone had sent you a dead bird or something.”

You swallowed your food, scoffing lightly at her extreme take. “They knew about woosung.”

At the mention of the name, she choked on her food, her eyes widening at you. “How, Woosung? That’s confidential right?”

“No one knows. You haven’t told anyone right?” You question her sheepishly, your eyes trained on her food rather than herself.

Her hand reached across the table, her nails painted a sheer pink with flower decals on them. “I would never tell anyone about that, maybe it’s just a name they went with? Are you sure it’s not an old friend or even a distant family member?”

“Rae you already know the entirety of my family line, besides we both know I’m not the most popular.”

“I guess that’s true.” She sighed, you pinched her hand in response, not missing the undertone of her comment. “Ouch for one and have you told the company for two?”

You shook your head, releasing her hand. “No, I don’t want them to find that out. Do you think I should?”

“No absolutely not, that would damage your reputation. Do not bring this up to the company or the members okay?” Her eyes were wide, almost fearful.

You could understand why though, she knew the Jung-Woo story, anyone who knew the Jung-Woo story was fearful, especially for you.

— AN — (apartment floor plan)

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