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at0michips · 3 months

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home sweet home — josh o'connor

summary: your long distance boyfriend decides to move all the way to NYC so you can live together, but with all the work he has to deal before he can enjoy it, you decide to take care of the move. now after long weeks apart he's back.

Today was the day, where Josh was finally going to come back home after months of doing press all over the world and the country. Well, not exactly home. Yes it was his house, and yes he was going to live there with you after a year and a half of being together, but with two new movies out and a whole press tour that included being only a few hours away from you and your new house in New York, to being literally across the world, the poor english man didn't had the time to be there to even unpack the things he brought from England or the ones you bought together.

However, you promised yourself this wouldn't be a problem at all. He did what he had to do and you would be there no matter what, of course it was kind of energy draining to deal with your work and moving in but you made it! You would finally be able to be with him by the end of the day, and the dinners wouldn't have to be over facetime anymore with a different time zone. Not complaining tho, you were forever grateful for when your boss sent you to England to cover an event were you met you now boyfriend.

You were so excited that you could also feel a little anxious too, making sure that even after everything was on it's place for two weeks now, there wasn't anything wrong. Not like Josh would get in the apartment and start pointing out the things you could have done better, he wasn't that kind of person, and he also knew better that going against you but you just couldn't help but want everything to be perfect for your first night together in your own house to be just perfect.

And apparently everything was just fine, his favorite meal was in the oven and shouldn't be ready for at least the next 30 minutes, meaning you had plenty of time to do nothing. With that in mind, the wine bottle on the countertop that you bought on your way from work seemed perfect to ease your nerves while you waited for Josh to come home, wich by your counts could happen anytime now.

Time actually flew after your second glass of wine and sometime (you have no idea of how much) scrolling through tiktok that you were actually surprised when you heard the doorbell, and with that you looked like an anxious kid running barefoot to open the door to see the person you were craving to see for weeks now. The first thing you do is throw yourself at him who's more than ready to catch with his strong arms and lift you up just a little bit of the ground.

"Oh my god I missed you so so much!" you said before attacking his cheek with kisses. You could finally hear his pretty laugh close to your ear and the fact that it wasn't through a phone call was so relieving.

"It seemed like forever without you luv." he said putting you back on the ground with a stupid smile on his face, while he admired you for a moment before connecting your lips together in a quick kiss. The man ahead of you looked exhausted yet so happy to finally meet you again for what felt like ages.

After realizing you guys were still outside of your house, you take his hand and pull him inside, excited for finally having him to yourself.

"You're making dinner? It smells amazing in here" he said with an excited tone as he entered your now oficially shared house and locked the door behind him.

"Guess what it-" but before you could finish your sentence he was already taking a look in the oven "Josh no! Why are you like this?" you pouted.

"Aw babe, I can't believe you did my favorite." he said turning back to face you and failed to hold a laugh after looking at your frown "M'sorry for antecipating the surprise luv, i'm starving!" he took your cheeks into his hands and lowered himself a bit to give a peck into your lips, that immediately made you melt into the man's hands.

"Okay, but next time wait until I finish my line. Now go wash your hands." you said with the demanding tone Josh missed for what felt like an eternity.

The male did as you told him so and went to the bathroom to wash up as you took the dish into the dining room, serving each of your plates with the food you made and your glasses with the already opened wine. Everything was ready when he got back, and you guys proceeded with the dinner, sharing stories from each other works, giving updates about friends, family and silly things from your routines.

It seemed like you guys were never apart from each other, like this was just another regular night of your little life together and not the first from what you hoped would be forever. After dinner, the man decided that the dishes could wait until tomorrow, he didn't wanted you to work more. He knew your weeks has been exhausting, having to wake up early, do your job and then take care of the small renovation in the house and the move. And he knew that today even after the apartment was ready, you haven't stopped, going to work and then making him dinner after arriving.

What has he done to deserve someone so caring? That thought didn't left his mind for one second the whole night, and he was determined to make you feel the same, at least a little bit. With that in mind, you guys went straight to the bathroom of your suite to take a shower together.

It was such a sweet and intimate moment. Of course it wasn't the first time you guys took a shower together, but there was something about his gentle hands on your shoulders and all the way down your back while he kept up a small conversation about the little things he noticed around the apartment that just made this moment so special for you. In your eyes this was real intimacy, being able to be naked and so close and yet don't feel the need to be having sex with each other. Of course you were missing him in bed, god how many times you had to please yourself while he was away, but for now that moment felt like it was enough for both of you.

After the bath, you put on your pajamas and were now on your shared bed with some of the gifts the british man bought you during the press tour. Most of them came with a "oh this one reminded me of you" wich just melted your heart.

"I figured this one we could use together, what do you think?" he said holding a face mask next to his face. You laughed, like how cute could a 34 year old man be?

"Of course my lord." you said with a fake british accent and started tying up your hair while he rolled his eyes at your mocking and proceeded to open the packages.

"And now what?" he asked as you tidy up the mask on his face.

"Well, the package says we have to wait 10 minutes and then take it off." you get up and start to put away your gifts and hear the body of your boyfriend dramatically fall back in your bed, to wich you return with your everyday lotion in hands.

"Let me take care of it for you." he sits up and basically takes the lotion out of your hands and motioned for you to lay down "Relax for a bit, you must be tired...".

He's right, luckily is a friday night and you won't have to worry about waking up early in the morning for the next two days. So you do as he said and lay your head on the pillow and just enjoy the sensation of his long fingers coated with your lotion massaging your feet, slowly working his way up your leg. You smile at the sight of Josh caressing your skin so carefully, his face so concentrated but it was impossible to take him seriously with that mask on that you closed your eyes, choosing to just enjoy your broyfriend's affection.

It must have been the wine, the calming sensation on your face and the loving touch of your boyfriend, but after your eyes closed it only took five minutes for you to doze off. Josh laughed a bit when he realized that, he gently left your feet in the bed while he stood up to put away your lotion and turn off the lights, coming back to carefully take the mask off of your face, taking his own next.

The man stretched himself before laying by your side and pulling the covers up both of you. He was so tired of the long flight, but so grateful for you to be there, always caring so much for him, the thought of going back to his house in England was boring, but after getting to be with you tonight it sounded even worse, it would be sad. There wouldn't be nobody to receive him by the door, or a warm dinner for him to eat, or someone for him to share how exciting it was to be all over the world and have his work recognized by millions of people.

You shifted in your sleep finding your way to his chest and he could swear that this was the moment his heart melted. It wasn't only today, he had noticed your effort all around the house, how you made sure all his favorite stuff had a visible place so it could be exposed or put to use. He wrapped his arms around you and closed his eyes, slowly giving in to sleep with a warm feeling in his chest. He was finally at home.

#josh o'connor #josh o'connor x reader #challengers #patrick zweig #fluff #josh oconnor #josh oconnor x reader #josh o'connor fluff #josh o'connor imagine #patrick zweig imagine #challengers imagine #challengers x reader

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florencemtrash · 1 year

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Hummingbird: Chapter Five

Miguel O'Hara x Reader

What if the Earth-1610 (Miles’s universe) version of Miguel’s wife was actually Miles’s AP Art teacher?

Masterlist

Warnings: Violence and injuries

You blinked back into your apartment at the end of your nightly patrol, swearing out loud as you began the arduous process of peeling your suit off your sweaty body. Bruises in all stages of healing littered your body like a Pollock painting - purple, blue, yellow, and pink marks spreading up and down your skin like they were living creatures.

You sighed in front of the bathroom mirror, waiting for the shower water to heat up enough to loosen your tight muscles, and twisted your body, looking and pulling at the marred skin.

Miguel wouldn’t be too happy about this… not that he would ever have a reason to look at you naked. The thought alone made you blush furiously.

Miles had been away touring colleges across the Northeast and left you with the task of managing his Spider-duties. It hadn’t been so terrible the first two nights - the minor criminals of New York City were hardly prepared to handle anyone with your powers (like the armed robber who was shocked beyond measure to find his gun had disappeared from his hand). The following nights not so much. Word had gone around that Spider-Man was MIA and criminals minor and major jumped at the chance to unleash their plans. Coffee and spite fueled you through the following week, but there was only so much coffee you could consume in a day after averaging 2 hours of sleep a night.

You would have asked Miguel and the others for help, but there was a strict no interference policy when it came to non-anomalies. Sure, Miguel would have bent the rules for you, but it wasn’t anything you felt comfortable with. Everyone knew he treated you with a special care that sometimes warmed your heart and sometimes set you on edge - always visiting you in the med bay for the most minor of injuries, finding some excuse to track you down in Spidey HQ when you visited, and even going so far as to ask the cooks to add a special edition item onto the regular menu after you’d gushed about it to him at lunch (Peter was the one to tell you).

It also didn’t escape your notice that he kept you from the most dangerous missions, or waited until the last second to call you in for help.

Terco idiota.

You groaned when you stepped into the steaming shower, grateful for the hot water that ran rivers down your back and swept away the exhaustion the night had brought. When you were finally clean and comfortable in your pajamas you sank onto the floor in your living room, pulling the battered and familiar sketchbook forward on the coffee table. One of the many benefits to being an honorary Spider-Person was that the physical exhaustion of superhero duties helped quiet your mind enough to consistently finish your art projects. And every alternate dimension you visited opened up a whole new world of creative possibilities - quite literally. Still… you’d caught yourself drawing the same thing (or rather person) over and over again recently.

You worked for a couple of hours, one ear honed in on the stolen police radio propped up on your tv stand alongside your suit. Mercifully, even criminals needed sleep and you drew uninterrupted until the first rays of dawn started to spill over New York, skyscrapers casting long spindly shadows over the grid.

When morning came you finally dragged yourself into bed for a few hours of blissful sleep leaving behind the soft images of Miguel littered on the coffee table. One day he’d just entered your life and never left, slowly invading every corner of your mind until a week without him felt like a shoe that didn’t fit.

Miguel’s eyes flickered over to you when you blinked into existence beside him, empanada in one hand and a water bottle in the other. His heartbeat picked up, then slowed down, relaxing into the newer, steadier pace of life that you brought him.

“¡Buenos díaaaaaas!” You said in a sleepy singsong voice, dropping the empanada into his lap and jumping on the desk. It wasn’t uncommon for you to stop by his office and make sure he was eating regular meals, although sometimes you would just blink food onto his desk with a post-it note affectionately commanding “Come, pendejo” whenever you visited Spidey-HQ.

“You look tired.” Miguel said, smiling softly as you took your usual spot. He allowed himself to sink into his chair, gazing at you with a love neither of you had the courage to talk about yet.

“So do you.”

“Yes, but I always look tired.” He said with a slight quirk of his lips. You made a little hmmmph sound in agreement, taking a deep sip of your drink.

“Miles is away so I’ve taken on his patrol shifts. I don’t know how you Spider-people manage to do this AND still have full time jobs. I feel like I’m barely keeping up.”

Miguel perked up. You hadn’t told him that you were expanding your superhero duties in Miles’s absence.

“When will he be back?” His eyes focused on you, taking in the faint bags beneath your eyes and the droop of your shoulders with concern. He stood up and moved closer to you, leaning down on arms that bracketed your crossed legs. The smell of coffee and cream was bitter and sweet in the space between you, mixing with Miguel’s own spiced cologne. It warmed you up from the inside out until you wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms.

“Next Sunday.” You groaned and settled for leaning your forehead on his shoulder as you tried to ignore the pounding of your heart, “It’s probably a good thing. If he ends up leaving New York for school, I’ll have to pick up his duties.”

The stolen look of adoration he gave you was replaced by one of confusion and surprise. He’d forgotten that Miles would be graduating next year and going to college.

A New York City without Spider-Man seemed so… wrong. Across countless universes it was always New York City, or some version of it, and Spider-Man. NYC and Spider-Man, Spider-Man and NYC.

You sat patiently, waiting for Miguel to shuffle through his thoughts like he always did, carefully organizing them with the precision and practice of a scientist.

“I could… I could help out if you ever needed it.” He murmured softly, leaning into you and finding comfort in your closeness.

You jerked up so quickly you nearly smacked into his nose, “Did I just hear the Miguel O’Hara suggest breaking protocol?” You teased, poking at his firm chest.

“Well, I-” Miguel lost his words and his cool, color faintly brushing against the tan of his cheeks. He liked having you sit so close to him, no trace of wariness in sight. In the months you’d gotten to know and work with one another you’d learned to grow around each other as tightly as two plants climbing a garden trellis until he didn’t know where he started and you ended.

Memories, painful and sharp, slammed into him - the last kiss he’d given his wife before he ruined everything. The look of terror on Gabriella’s face before she splintered into nothing. And here he was again, jumping at the chance for a future with someone he didn’t deserve. Had he learned nothing after losing everything?

“No,” He shook his head, “You’re right. It was a stupid idea.” He said stoically and stepped away.

“Hey,” You whispered, grabbing his hands when he pulled back. He was entering that dark place again. He hardly talked about his old life except as a warning to Spider-Society members. He believed he was a walking, talking cautionary tale - nothing more than a sense of duty kept him from spiraling down into a sea of terrible memories that would tear him apart.

“It wasn’t stupid. It just means you care.” You said, and felt some relief when Miguel squeezed your hand back, “I can handle it, Miguel. I promise. You won’t be able to get rid of me that easily.”

Miguel’s breath caught in his throat. He knew you meant it jokingly but the words still hit a sore spot.

He didn’t want you to go. If he had control over the powers that governed the multiverse he would ask that you stay with him here forever. He would court you properly instead of dancing around the issue of your growing feelings for one another. He would hug you and kiss you and ask you to spend the nights with him…

Al carajo. He swore and gave into one of his safer desires.

Without warning he closed the distance between you two, slipping into the space between your legs and pulling you against his chest in a bone crushing hug. It was the most contact you’d had with each other since the collider explosion. You melted into his touch, gripping him almost as tightly and getting lost in the smell of coffee and cinnamon.

“I’d like to have you around if that’s alright.” He said softly into the crown of your hair.

You smiled, “Yeah. That’s alright with me.”

“Hey Miss Y/n?” You jolted awake at your desk where you’d drifted off during free period.

Miles smiled apologetically from the door with Gwen at his back who waved and grinned at you.

Oh thank god he was back. You thought to yourself, running a hand through your hair to fix it.

“You know you’re allowed to call me by my first name, right?” You said with a stretch of your back - the sound mimicked a glow stick so much you were surprised you didn’t begin to shine with neon light.

“Yeah, but it’s weird to call an old person by their first name.”

Gwen smirked at Miles as he dropped his bag off at an empty desk.

“Old?!” You said incredulously, “Miles, how old do you think I am?”

He froze like a cat that had just knocked over a glass cup, “Uh…….”

“Oh this should be good,” Gwen quipped, sinking into a chair and propping her feet up on the back of Miles’s chair.

“I-I mean,” Miles stuttered, “Like forty-”

“FORTY?!”

“Thir-Thirty-Thirty-three?” He stumbled over his words, heat rising into his cheeks and coloring them a deep plum.

“I’m twenty-eight!” You said, throwing your hands up dramatically.

“Whoops.” Gwen chuckled. You tipped your head back and laughed, momentarily forgetting the last two weeks of crime-fighting exhaustion.

“How were the college tours? I want to hear everything. Was Princeton all you hoped for?” You leaned forward in your seat, propping your chin up on woven fingers.

“Princeton was fantastic!” Miles said, dragging his chair over to sit closer to your desk, much to Gwen’s chagrin as she lost her footrest, “It looks like something out of a Harry Potter movie. And their engineering building was just-” Miles continued to gush over the schools he’d seen, pulling up photos on his phone of Princeton, Harvard, Columbia, Brown, URI, BU, Northeastern, and a slew of others.

You hung onto his every word, his excitement so infectious that even Gwen abandoned her spot to share Miles’s seat and hear the stories she’d no doubt heard before.

“I loved Berklee,” Gwen jumped in, pointing out a photo of her and Miles smiling in front of their admissions building.

You tilted your head to the side, “You visited colleges in this universe?”

She blushed, “Miles’s parents let me tag along for part of the trip so I had to pretend like I was looking at colleges myself.”

“That makes sense.” You said, noting their closeness and the stolen glances they shared when they thought you weren’t paying attention. “Well, I’m glad the trip was a success!”

“I actually wanted to ask you something, Miss Y/n.” Miles said nervously, straightening up in his chair, “Would you be willing to write me a recommendation letter? I know you’re busy and all but-”

“Say less!” You said with a glowing smile.

“Really?!” He brightened up.

“Of course! Who else would be better suited to the task than me?! I mean, probably someone with more writing experience, but I would be happy to do it.”

“Thank you so much!” He quickly pulled out a resume from his backpack and a list of schools he was planning to apply to, sliding them across the desk with relief now that the anxiety of asking had fallen off his shoulders.

The three of you dove into a conversation about college (you had MUCH wisdom to bestow upon them… art college had taught you many lessons), Spider-duties, and life in general. At the close of the school day, Gwen followed you home, a regular occurrence after you’d offered up your apartment for her to crash in whenever she visited your dimension. She always had a change of clothes folded in your dresser and a toothbrush in your bathroom.

You groaned when you were shaken awake from a deep sleep. Gwen hung upside down from your ceiling already in her spider-suit, pink-tipped hair tickling your nose.

“What-what the- JODER!” you shouted, blinking off the bed and landing on the floor with a groan. There were still moments where you didn’t have complete control over your powers. “¡Carajo!” You hissed in pain and picked yourself off the floor, “Gwen, what the hell?”

“Anomaly in Times Square. Miles is already there and needs backup.”

Shit shit shit. You slapped yourself awake and scrambled to grab your newly mended suit from the closet.

“What are we dealing with?” You shouted as you ran out of your bedroom, slapping on your watch and hearing Miles’s voice ring out from it.

“Dude’s sparkling like a firecracker on Chinese New Years!” His panicked cries rang out, “He’s going after-” Miles’s voice cut out after a strike in the chest fried his watch.

From your apartment window you could see the lights of the New York skyline flicker and crackle like tv static.

“You ready, Gwen?” You asked, holding out a hand.

Gwen ignored the hand and jumped onto your back, wrapping her lean arms around you for dear life, “Oh god I hate this so much.” She said, squeezing her eyes as you teleported them all the way to Times Square.

It was always harder blinking with a passenger in tow. The collider explosion had changed you on a molecular level in such a way that blinking through space felt as natural as passing through a doorway… for others not so much. Traveling across New York City with Gwen felt like dragging a thick strand of yarn through a tiny needle.

Bright lights exploded out of billboard signs, cascading over you in a burning rain of color. You threw an arm around Gwen as she reoriented herself, pushing her down behind a flipped cop car as a bolt of electricity sailed past your ear crackling with heat and energy.

“You don’t remember me do you, Spider-Man? Not important enough for you?” A voice boomed out, tinged with the power you felt during thunderstorms.

“For the third time, I have literally never met you in my entire life!”

“You’ll remember me. They’ll ALL remember me when I’ve taken everything from them.”

“Shit.” You and Gwen said in unison before leaping into the fray.

You made quick work blinking the few people who remained huddled in buildings and under rubble to safety a block away.

“Sorry, sorry. Sorry!” You apologized as people dropped to the floor after being blinked, unused to the feeling of teleportation.

The lights blinded you constantly, blue electricity zipping across the ground like animals on the hunt. You teleported across Times Square, narrowly dodging lightning strikes that raised the hair on your head and arms and teleporting buses, cars, and concrete over the man’s head. He kept up with your attacks, jumping to safety or simply blowing the vehicles up with his power.

Maybe this was what having a Spidey-sense is like? You thought to yourself as you knocked Miles out of the way of a well aimed strike, using the taste of metal in the air as a sign that he was powering up.

A bolt caught you in the chest, sending you crackling through the air. You landed in a smoking heap by the gutter, groaning as your watch smarted and burned on your wrist. You wrenched it off with pain shooting up the side of your ribs.

So much for calling for backup. You swore inwardly as Gwen cried out, tossing her own smoking watch onto the ground as she picked her way out of the rubble of broken billboard screens. There would be no calling Miguel until this was over and done with… if you ever got a chance to call him. The safety net you’d always had fell away from your feet, leaving you buzzing with anxiety.

“Throw the cage!” You screamed at Gwen. She jumped and arched through the air, throwing a device no larger than a coin and watching it stick to the ground beneath the man’s feet.

He thrummed with the energy of New York City’s power grid, drinking it in through his skin like a sponge. The shield sprang to life, closing in on him with precision and accuracy. You let yourself breathe a sigh of relief as he quietly looked at his new cage. The high strung buzz of power in the air dissipated, no longer called to him from behind the holographic barriers.

The man quietly pulled off his hood, revealing blue skin cracked with the movement of electricity shooting through his veins like blood.

“Wait, NO!” Miles shouted, “It’s not going to work!”

“You really think this can hold me?” He grinned, white eyes haunting, “Think again.”

He pressed the palms of his hands against the barrier and you all watched in horror as it blew apart in his hands.

“SHIT!” Miles yelled, throwing his hands up to block the light that exploded outward.

You ducked down behind an overturned bus, feeling the sharp pricks of debris falling down on your back and singeing the fabric.

Times Square was once again alight with electricity and light, and the electric man stood at the center of it all, drawing in power and watching with delight as block after block of neighborhoods went pitch black. Helicopters flew overhead, spotlights zigzagging over the ground. You watched, powerless as he aimed one finger at a helicopter and shot it down to the ground. Miles and Gwen lept into action, working in tandem to weave a net strong enough to catch it as you continued to distract the villain. But you were slowing down, exhaustion creeping into your bones.

Another shot to the shoulder slammed you into a brick wall, body flickering in and out of existence as you struggled to blink yourself away. You fell to the ground in a crumple of limbs.

A boot pressed down between your shoulder blades, heavy and bruising. You screamed when a burning hand grabbed you by the back of your suit and hoisted you into the air. Blue eyes, cold and unfeeling bore into your own.

“You didn’t need to get involved.” He said, his hands beginning to light up dangerously. “I’m sorry this has to happen. But you’re not going to stop me. No one is going to stop me.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before.” You said through gritted teeth.

Every dimension was different and every dimension left its mark on its inhabitants like a key to a home or a postal code. It was how the Go Home Machine was able to send people back where they belonged.

“You think you could ever do that?... I think you could.” Hobie had said about the Go Home Machine. You’d scoffed and brushed it off at the time but… there was no time like the present.

You squeezed your eyes shut and grabbed a hold of his arm.

You drew on every inch of your power, searching throughout the multiverse for something that felt like home to this person until…

You got a match.

“What-what are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” You opened your eyes and gasped. The man’s body was slowly breaking apart like the static on old distorted TVs. He tried to get away from you, struggling against your iron grip as you held on for dear life, pouring your power into the action of forcing an unwilling person across the multiverse.

“Get. Out. Of. My. Dimension.” You growled, finding yourself back on solid ground as his legs went, then his lower torso. His face and arm were the last to go, mouth frozen in a silent scream, leaving you clutching empty air.

Miles and Gwen gawked at you from twenty feet away as the lights of the city slowly shuddered back to life, a stillness and unnatural quiet falling down on the city that never sleeps.

Your knees buckled beneath you and they shouted your name.

The last thing you saw were the blurry outlines of Miles and Gwen running towards you before your head hit the ground and the world went black.

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Author's note: Annnnnnnd here's Chapter Five! Thank you all for reading and sticking with me and my chaotic posting schedule. I hope you enjoy!

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#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x y/n #atsv x reader #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara x wife reader #miles morales #gwen stacy #peter b parker #miguel x y/n #miguel x you #miguel o'hara x you #across the spiderverse #into the spider verse

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the-bau-quinjet · 1 year

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Timeless

Summary: Steve breaks up with singer!reader because he doesn't want to hold her back. He starts to question everything after hearing the song she wrote for him.

Warnings: life in the Instagram era

word count: 4695

a/n: 100000% inspired by Timeless by Taylor Swift. i did not proofread this bc I am lazy so I do apologize for whatever typos there are

Masterlist

"I just don't get it," Steve overheard the young women talking while waiting in line for coffee. "She could literally be with anyone and she's gonna pick some old guy who literally fought in World War II?" He already had an idea of where this was going, but the response confirmed his fears.

"I know! Like Steve Rogers is hot but that's so weird! He's like 100 years old," she scoffed.

"A man out of time and probably out of touch," the first replied. "I bet he's totally holding her back."

Steve decided to forgo his coffee, simply turning around and leaving before things could get more awkward for him. Dating you has actually been when he's felt most at home in this century, but that doesn't mean he no longer struggles with his new present day.

Hardly a day goes by without you or someone else having to explain something to him, whether it be an insignificant reference to some tv show or more important information on how certain technology works. Suffice it to say, he feels like his age does show. It's something you've talked about in your relationship, but clearly, something Steve still struggles with.

He decided to walk back to the tower using the time to really think about what was best for you in terms of being with him. The first day the two of you met had been a particularly bad one for Steve, but somehow you managed to cheer him up. You've basically been inseparable since.

The more he thought about it, the more sure he was that those women were right. He was holding you back. You spend so much time with him, and at the tower in general, that you haven't really been living the same way you were before.

Before you met Steve, you had just finished your first world tour. You were always traveling or in and out of the studio. Now, you spend all your time in New York and you haven't had so much as a single performance outside of New York in the two and a half years you've been with him.

As he walked the last few steps up to the tower, Steve had already made his decision.

You were practically bouncing up and down on the couch as you waited for Steve to get home. After months of writing and recording in the home studio Tony set up for you, you could finally surprise Steve with some new songs. The one you were most excited about hadn't even been recorded yet. You were just too excited to share the lyrics to wait.

You couldn't help but reminisce as you waited, thinking about the first time you'd ever met. After your tour, all you wanted to do was go home and sleep, but Tony had personally invited you to his latest gala and your manager really pushed for you to go. Turns out, it was the best decision of your life.

The sound of the door opening down the hall broke you out of your daydream. The telltale sounds of Steve hanging up his jacket and tossing his keys in the dish by the door confirmed your suspicions.

You nearly tripped over the coffee table in your effort to greet him, but the look on his face stopped you dead in your tracks. "Steve?" you asked. "Are you okay?"

He sighed in response, one hand running through his hair as he looked at the ground. After a few seconds, he managed to meet your eye, but it did nothing to ease the nerves you were now feeling.

"Did something happen?" you asked just as he spoke up.

"We should break up."

His words felt like a physical blow in the silence that followed. You leaned back into the arm of the couch, suddenly unsure of everything.

"What?" you barely breathed out the question. The emotional whiplash was too confusing to process this quickly.

"I just, I don't think we should stay together. I wish I had more to say, but that's it." Steve cut straight to the bone, his own heart breaking. Still, he thought it was for the best.

"Oh," you barely managed to reply, still reeling from the shock. "Um, okay. I'll just... I'll just go."

You walked blindly down the hall and out the door, not even considering what you would do with all of your things that were in the apartment. You didn't even grab your purse, so you couldn't realistically leave the tower. Instead, you headed straight for the studio.

It felt like if you were recording a song about Steve, you could pretend that conversation didn't just happen. You could live in the past for just another few hours before reality finally hit you.

You still had the music pulled up in the recording booth. You'd gone so far as to take out some of the most inspiring pictures that lead to this song. There were plenty of pictures of you and Steve, but also the old black and white photos you found in the antique shop.

Thankfully Tony set things up so you could record on your own if you wanted, so that's exactly what you did.

Down the block there's an antique shop and something in my head said stop, so I walked in...

Instead of facing your emotions head-on, you dove into your work. You recorded every song you had left for the album, only contacting your manager and the label when things were finished.

They had a few things to tweak, but the record was ready not even two weeks later. Since you'd already been teasing the songs on tik tok, your label agreed to a surprise release. Thirteen songs would be released at the end of the week.

With the album ready and the date picked, you switched focus to scheduling performances at award shows and TV interviews. Anything to keep you from the gutwrenching reality of your emotions.

- Steve wasn't doing much better. His mood was foul and everybody could tell. Seeing as you were avoiding everyone by staying in an apartment owned by your label, the team tried cornering Steve for information.

"What the hell happened with Y/N?" Nat finally asked when Steve brushed off the slightly less invasive questions about how he was doing. He simply shook his head, glaring at an unphased Natasha.

"Have you listened to her new album?" Sam asked, trying to break the tension before all hell broke loose.

Steve tensed at the mention of your music. He had not listened to it, but the mere existence sent him into a spiral. In his eyes, it proved his point. Two and a half weeks without him and you were already releasing music. Something you hadn't done in the two and a half years you'd been together.

"Just leave me alone," he all but begged. Listening to the songs he knew- or at least strongly expected- would be about him was too much to even consider. He shook off the questions with the sheer desperation in his eyes. Everyone could tell it was hitting him hard, but not knowing why they broke up made it difficult to try and help.

Things continued much the same for the next month. Steve avoided all things that reminded him of you. You worked every second you could, desperate to not have to think about how everything went wrong.

In those few moments when you had actually thought about Steve, you more than anything wanted to know why. It had gotten so far as to you hovering your finger over his contact, one split second from calling when your manager phoned you instead.

"Hello," you answered, desperately trying to hide the strain from your voice.

"They want you to perform at the Grammy's," your manager, Gina, wasted no time with pleasantries.

"Oh my god," you didn't know how to feel. "That's in three days!" This album meant so much to you, but it was entirely about falling and being in love with Steve. How could you perform one of your best love songs on one of the biggest stages in music with a broken heart?

"Do they want a specific song?" Somehow your mind kept working even though your heart was breaking all over again.

"You get to choose," Gina continued to gush, but you couldn't listen. Having to choose was almost worse. You managed to tune back in for the last bit of information. "I know it's weird because you're not nominated, but nobody expected Rihanna to have to pull out. The news is her baby is the picture of health though! Since this is so last minute, they need to know what song the day after tomorrow for scheduling purposes."

"I'll do Timeless," you blurted out. Having to make the decision would be the worst part, right? So now you can just prepare and deal with it.

"You sure?" she asked, wary of it being one of the most detailed love songs on the album.

"Yep!" The enthusiasm was easy to fake. You were excited to perform at the Grammy's, and this is the song you're most proud of. It'll be fine.

"I'll let them know! Check your email for the itinerary. Bye!" she hung up in a flash, leaving you alone with your thoughts again.

Steve's contact was still pulled up on your phone. It felt like it was mocking you. Of course, Timeless would be the song you blurt out in a panic. It was the one you were most excited for him to hear. You can't imagine he's listened to the album. He might not even know it was released. A Grammy's performance was the closest to a guarantee that he'd hear it.

Now you just had to practice singing as if it wasn't going to emotionally wreck you.

"We've been invited to the Grammy's," Tony burst into the room with no preamble.

"Who's we?" Sam asked, already planning the suit he would wear in his mind.

"Four of us, bird brain," Tony replied swiftly. "Normally I'd be all over this, but I promised Morgan I would build her big girl bed with her tomorrow, so I'm stuck. You all have to go."

Nat, Sam, and Bucky all seemed okay with the invitation, and in Sam's case mildly excited. Steve, on the other hand, scowled at Tony. He was only about 60% sure the Grammy's were for music, but if the 60% was right he would rather go on a mission in Antarctica than potentially be in the same building as Y/N right now.

"I don't wanna hear it, Capsicle." Tony read the look on his face. "Four of us have to be there, and as our fearless leader that means you. Friday will send the details." He walked out much the same way he walked in, with a dramatic flair that left no room for questions.

"I guess we're going to the Grammy's," Nat cut a look across the room to Steve, gauging his reaction.

"So we are," he mumbled, quickly leaving the room before anyone could ask him about you.

Getting ready in your apartment was the only thing holding you together. Gina came over early this morning to lay out the details of your dress, hair, makeup, and any last-minute accessory decisions.

"You ready for this?" she asked, buzzing with excitement. The car would be here to pick you up any minute.

"As I'll ever be," you shakily replied. Despite making the decision quickly, you'd yet to settle the reality of performing the song in front of a crowd with how it felt to record it alone in a booth.

"Well, you can shake off those last few nerves right now. You're gonna be amazing. Remember, you're toward the end of the show. I guess you'll be a break from the nominated artists just before they announce album of the year, okay?"

You merely nodded in response, still trying to get over the nerves. You followed her down to the car, going over the lyrics in your head. Repetition was your best bet to stave off any emotional outbursts during the actual performance.

Steve had barely said a word all day, choosing instead to just float through the day. He wore the suit presented to him with no questions asked. He followed the schedule Friday had given him to a tee. He left no room for conversation, the glare on his face deterring any small talk.

He looked up the list of performers in an attempt to see if Y/N would be there, but she wasn't listed. The only thing causing him worry was the "surprise guest" that had been invited to replace Rihanna, who had to pull out of performing because she had a baby a few days ago. The amount of detail about other people's lives on the internet still surprised Steve sometimes, but he was glad to hear she was doing well- whoever she was.

He managed to hold it together through the red carpet, hearing whispers from the crowds that strung his and your name together. That was one of the things that drew the two of you together. It may have been a different kind of attention, but you both had faces the general public might recognize. Being the center of attention was never the goal for either of you, so your relationship remained largely private.

"Weird that he didn't walk the carpet with Y/N..." one guest whispered. Steve's enhanced hearing meant he could still pick up the voices. It was almost as if he was involuntarily listening for your name and honing in on the conversation.

"I mean, they've always been private... unless, do you think they broke up?" the responder gasped. Steve felt his heartbeat increase, being the subject of rumors and gossip never sat well with him.

"But this whole album is so happy! Maybe she-"

Steve was pulled inside before he could hear the rest. Probably for the best, he thought. Now that he knew you were here, he needed to focus on avoiding you.

Apparently, that wouldn't be hard. He and his fellow Avengers assigned seats were much further back than the musicians that were invited or nominated. He could see you from his seat, but you were far enough away to basically guarantee no forced interactions.

He merely sat in his seat, greeting people as they stopped by to say hello, and waited for the show to start. The quicker this thing was over, the quicker he would be able to go back to avoiding his feelings.

Walking the carpet was an absolute dream. You only wish you could've been more present. You were still incredibly nervous for your performance, and the murmurs you heard about the Avengers being in attendance did nothing to help.

You just had to choose to believe that Steve wouldn't come tonight. Unless he was so unaffected by the breakup that he could be here without it being a problem, which was a scenario you needed to put out of your head. No thoughts of break ups or Steve. At least, not until the performance.

Finding your table was easy enough once you got inside, and refusing to look around may have seemed odd, but people could easily chalk it up to nerves. Not many new about your surprise performance, but everyone knew it was your first Grammy's ceremony You were on tour when you were nominated for Best New Artist, ultimately winning the award, but missing out on the ceremony.

Other artists stopped by and chatted for a few minutes until eventually the lights dimmed and the show began.

Before long, a stage manager was ushering you out of your chair on a commercial break and bringing you backstage to get ready. You hadn't had much choice when it came to your carpet look- a gorgeous pink dress with plenty of tulle- but your performance look was more customizable.

You chose a dark blue set with plenty of crystals sewn onto the fabric. It looked like the night sky, and if blue is Steve's favorite color so what. This was the exact vibe you'd dreamed up when you were writing the song, so it only felt right to perform in it.

Your hair and makeup needed minimal changes, so after a few touch ups, you were being ushered toward the stage. It seemed everything backstage was happening fast enough to leave no time for nerves.

"And now, our long awaited surprise performer! She has taken the world by storm with her surprise release, I wouldn't be surprised if we saw her nominated for next year's awards. Please welcome F/N L/N performing Timeless!"

You were already seated at the piano when the curtains were drawn back. Although the song wasn't a piano ballad on the album, it felt right for this performance. You wasted no time getting started once the cheers died down.

Down the block there's an antique shop and something in my head said stop, so I walked in. On the counter was a cardboard box and the sign said "Photo's 25 cents each."

They were some very literal opening lines, and unsurprisingly the memories were flooding through you. You were out walking around the city, trying to clear your head, when you stumbled upon an antique store. The photos on the counter were the very first inspiration for lyrics to the vague idea of a song.

Black and white, saw a 30s bride and two lovers laughing on the porch of their first house. The kind of love you only find once in a lifetime. The kind you don't put down. And that's when I called you, and it's so hard to explain, but in those photos, I saw us instead.

It was so easy to envision Steve in the 30s, you couldn't help but put yourself in these photos with him. Your lives would be so different if you'd met back then, but there wasn't a doubt in your mind that you would love him just the same.

And, somehow, I know that you and I would've found each other. In another life, you still would've turned my head.

This was something you'd told Steve over and over. Every time he felt unsure of being in this time, you said "I would love you in any life, Steve. Any life. I'm just glad you found me in this one." You really had to gear up for the first chorus. It had one of the most telling, and therefore nerve wracking, lines.

Even if we'd met on a crowded street in 1944, and you were headed off to fight in the war. You still would've been mine. We would've been timeless.

Steve was slack jawed as he listened to your song for the first time. The way you were able to take the little memories and build such a beautiful melody out of them astounded him. His emotions were suddenly overwhelming, and there was now way for him to runaway from them this time.

I would've read your love letters every single night, and prayed to god you'd be coming home alright. And you would've been fine. We would've been timeless.

It wasn't that far off from this reality. Anytime Steve was on a mission, he'd write you letters to read while he was away. After the first time, you started writing letters for him to take with him as well. Even if the two of you couldn't talk on the phone, you had something from the other to tide you over.

'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this. So even in a different life, you still would've been mine. We would've been timeless.

There was that line about a different life again. Steve already felt like he was living a different life, and somehow you knew exactly how to express what he was feeling while simultaneously reassuring him of your own love.

I had to smile when it caught my eye, there was one of a teenage couple in the driveway. Holdin' hands on the way to a dance and the date on the back said 1958. Which brought me back to the first time I saw you. Time stood still like something in this old shop.

Steve could still easily picture the very first second he saw your face. He wanted to be anywhere but Tony's party, having just come back from a mission that was only moderately successful. They had saved the hostages, but the Hydra agents managed to escape. He wanted nothing more than to track them down and being at the party would only delay everything.

When Tony brought you around for introductions, he found the mission had slipped entirely from his head. You somehow managed to lighten the mood without knowing why he was so grumpy, earning an uncharacteristic laugh from Steve still in Captain mode.

It was no surprise to anyone at the party when the two of you spent the rest of the evening together. Sitting at the bar, or the rare slow dance meant you could continue the never ending conversation.

Steve found himself so lost in thought, he missed most of the second verse and chorus. It wasn't until Bucky nudged him that he refocused on your words.

We're gonna be... I'm gonna love you when our hair is turnin' gray. We'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made. And you'll say, "Oh my, we really were timeless."

You could feel the tears building through the second chorus and the bridge, but the third chorus really broke you down. You didn't understand why Steve decided it was best to break up and never getting that closure was taking its toll. You couldn't stop the few tears from falling, the notes that followed uncharacteristically wobbly.

We're gonna be timeless, timeless. You still would've been mine. We would've been... Even if we'd met on a crowded street in 1944. You still would've been mine. We would've been...

Steve could hear the tears in your voice easier than he could see them. His moment of weakness was haunting him as his own tears started to fall. He brushed them away quickly, forcing himself to hold it together until you were done.

Down the block there's an antique shop and something in my head said stop, so I walked in.

It was clear to him now more than ever that he was so wrong. He let his insecurities get the better of him, and messed up the single greatest thing that had come from being in this century.

With the show nearly over, he didn't think anyone would notice his absence. Instead of returning to his seat at the end of the commercial break, he slipped out a side exit. He wanted nothing more than to talk to you, but had no way of finding you.

"Steve!" He turned at the sound of a familiar voice calling his name. To his surprise, your manager was standing just a few feet away. "She left right after the song, said she's too tired for the afterparty."

Steve nodded, unsure why she was telling him.

"Here's her current address. Code to the elevator is 0704," she winked, passing him a slip of paper. Understanding dawned on him, and he wanted to scream.

"Thank you, Gina. Really," he managed to control the maelstrom of emotion, subtly slipping outside as quickly as he could. He was meant to ride home in the hired car with the rest of the Avengers, but your address wasn't too far from the Garden. He opted to walk, slowly transitioning into a run as his desperation grew. The flash of cameras followed him down the street, but with his speed he outpaced them quickly enough. He had one thing on his mind and one thing only, fixing things with you.

The pounding on your door scared you more than you'd care to admit. Nobody should be able to reach this floor without the code, but still. The knocking had an air of desperation that you wouldn't expect from anyone visiting right now. Gina was the logical choice, but was skipping the afterparty that big of a deal?

You had planned to double check through the peephole, but before you reached the door, the very last voice you'd have expected sounded clear through the door.

"Y/N? Gina, she gave me the code. I just, I need to apologize. I... I fucked up." He stalled, in nearly as much disbelief as you at hearing the words fall out of his mouth.

You swung the door open, gesturing for him to come in. You didn't trust yourself to speak. Hell, you barely trusted yourself to look at him. Once you both settled on the couch, you finally risked a glance.

Steve looked more distraught than you'd ever seen him, but his lack of explanation still left you reeling. He seemed to be at a loss for words himself until you looked at him.

"We really are timeless, huh?" he tried easing into things, instantly regretting his choice of words when you nearly vaulted off the couch.

"Steve, what the hell? You break up with me with no explanation and show up quoting my own lyrics to me?" your words lacked the anger you wished you could express, too raw from the performance to cover the dimensions of hurt. The tears were quick to return to your eyes as Steve slowly approached you.

He grabbed your hands in his and when you showed no signs of pulling away, tried again. "I made the biggest mistake of my life that day. Not just in not explaining, but in deciding I knew what was best for you. In thinking I was doing the right thing by giving in to my fears.

"You are single-handedly the greatest person I've ever known. And I overheard these women saying you could have anyone and do anything... I managed to convince myself that you deserved more. To pretend like breaking up with you was noble and not because I was afraid you'd come to the same conclusion as them"

"Steve," you shook your head, a few tears falling. You were at a loss for words. For the last two months, you thought he just fell out of love with you. His reasoning, although flawed, was reassuring. Still, it didn't undo the hurt he caused.

"I should've known better. And I can't undo what I've already done, but I can promise to never doubt you again. To come to you with my insecurities and listen to your voice when mine isn't strong enough. And I hope I can be that person for you in life- to reassure you when you feel lost." He took a deep breath before continuing, "I love you and if you'll have me again, I want to be timeless with you."

You could feel yourself squeezing his hands tighter and tighter as he spoke, trying to funnel the overwhelming emotions into physical exertion instead of tears.

"I love you too," you whispered, voice breaking on a fresh wave of tears. You wrapped your arms around him, letting him lead you back to the couch. You still had a lot to discuss, but right now, you just wanted him to hold you.

Bonus:

A few hours later, after many discussions about ignoring gossip and coming to each other with your problems, Steve finally managed to work up the nerve to voice once more question.

"Is the rest of the album about loving me, or is there a breakup song on there? Because I can handle it, but I might need some warning."

You stared at him for a beat before the question really sunk in.

"You haven't listened to any of it?" you confirmed. When he nodded, you just smirked. "While, I guess you'll find out right now then."

You knew it was 13 songs expressing different kinds of love for him, but you would let him sweat it out for the next 57 minutes.

a/n: here are the songs I envision on the album lol:

Timeless, Call It What You Want, Sweet Nothing, Daylight, New Year's Day, invisible string, Dress, False God, Paper Rings, Cornelia Street, evermore, Today Was A Fairytale, Lover

taglist:

Permanent: @averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman @strawberryspence @andrwgxrfield @jswessie187 @ellobruv @alohastitch0626

Marvel: @leyannrae @livstilinski @oceaniamaddness @justreadingficsdontmindme @ladydmalfoy @freyathehuntress

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers fic #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers #steve rogers x singer!reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers fluff

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safflowerseason · 4 months

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old dan x amy fanfiction

I'm trying to flex my rusty fanfiction writing muscles, and going through old files I found this old Dan x Amy story that I never finished. It was a fill-in-the-gaps fic set between S2 and S3 and the tentative summary was : "The two months between seasons two and three, or, the story of how Amy and Dan went to Mike’s wedding together." I always thought this was a kind of interesting period in the relationship...by the end of S2 Dan and Amy have clearly settled into their banter-y "work spouses" relationship and they start S3 literally attending a wedding together. But at the same time, they are also in open competition for the role of campaign manager...I was always intrigued by in the dynamics of that transition. Anyway, I never finished it--it got very long and unwieldy, surprise surprise--but if there are any old Dan/Amy fic readers still out there I thought I'd post the first few pages here. There's quite a bit of general ensemble banter as well, related to Mike's wedding. Enjoy!

The morning after they learn that POTUS (officially, cross his precious heart, no turning back now) will not be running for a second term, Dan comes into the office with a giant stack of paper and starts piling it ostentatiously all around his desk.

“What is this? Some sort of political mating ritual? Are you building a nest egg?”

“Well now you wouldn’t know enough to say, would you, Amy?”

Unfortunately, Amy doesn’t have a good response immediately—she was up until 2am brainstorming campaign strategies, and she knows Dan was up until at least 1:45 because they were texting ideas back and forth until then—so she just returns to her coffee and Post headlines and ignores him while he bustles around trying to make as much noise as possible.

Selina comes in late, trilling with brittle laughter and smiling manically—Gary trails her, looking mildly repulsed and mutters “Andrew” in Amy and Dan’s general direction. Amy grimaces and adds “figure out a way to get rid of Andrew permanently” to her list of things to do before the campaign starts. She wonders if it would be considered a misuse of government forces to have Special Ops just take him out.

Andrew notwithstanding, the mood in the office is better than it has been all year. Mike whistles when he gets back from the press gaggle and Dan doesn’t immediately tell him to shut up. People actually use the world “please.” Amy’s fully cognizant something is going to blow it all up soon, but for now, she’ll let them enjoy the first morning in a long time where they don’t have to feel bad about the trajectory of their careers.

At the morning strategy meeting, they talk about the best way to move forward until POTUS announces he won’t be running, discuss events to add to or remove from the public schedule in light of the upcoming campaign, and at the end of the meeting Dan brandishes his giant stack of paper and announces: “Ma’am, it’s time for you to publish your book.”

“Oooh!” Gary exclaims. “A book! Can I be in it?”

“You’re definitely not in it, Gary.”

“Yeah, Gary, what would you be doing in my book?” Selina demands, and Gary slinks back into the corner. “Dan, is it really the right time for this kind of political kabuki?”

“We need to lay the foundation for your presidential run in a non-threatening manner by reintroducing you to the public in a way that subtly separates you from POTUS. A book tour is the best way to do that, and unfortunately, ma’am, we need a book for a book tour.”

Amy regards him suspiciously: he’s doing that thing where he appears to sincerely care about his job. This is always cause for deep concern.

“Ma’am, do I have to write a whole book now?” Mike asks, looking forlorn. Dan glares and unceremoniously dumps the stack of paper in his lap. Mike grunts. “What the fuck do you think this is, Mike? Your obituary?”

“Wait, you’ve already written it?” Amy exclaims, completely non-plussed. “Since yesterday?”

“Please Amy.” says Dan, looking superior.

“Well Dan, I’ve got to hand it to you…it looks like I won’t have to write a single word myself, which is, obviously, the ideal.” Selina’s already flipping through the chapters, looking interested in spite of herself (then again, it is a book about her).

“It’s basically written, ma’am, we’ll just need to do a few informational sessions about your political career and personal life, to add in some expository information.”

“That sounds excruciating.” Selina sighs. “But if you think it’s absolutely necessary…”

“I promise you that I will make the experience as pleasant as possible.” Dan smiles the smile he gives rich political widows and young women with babies. Amy gets a very bad feeling in her stomach.

“This is a trap but I can’t figure out how.” she mutters to Mike, and he just nods bleakly.

~*~

Everyone’s about to disperse when Mike calls out casually “Oh yeah, if everyone could finalize their RSVPs to the wedding by Tuesday, that’d be great.”

The silence he is met with is deafening.

“…what wedding?” Amy finally ventures.

Mike looks at her. “My wedding.”

“To who?”

“Whom.” Gary corrects, and then flinches as Dan glares at him.

“My fiancée.” When they all look blank, Mike says, in a more annoyed tone of voice “You guys, we got engaged three months ago! We sent the invitations right after!”

“Mike, I have matters of global significance to attend to that are infinitely more important than your personal life. Infinitely more important.”

“And who checks their mailbox in the twenty first century?” Dan muses.

“Hey, I do!” Gary pipes up. “I knew you were getting married, Mike.”

“Sue!” Amy yells out. “When’s Mike’s wedding?”

“June 17th.” Sue reports promptly from her desk. “It’s tentatively on the veep’s schedule.”

“Jesus Christ,” exclaims Selina. “You scheduled your dumbass wedding right as prep for the primaries take off. Really, Mike?”

“Yeah, Mike.” Dan echoes sycophantically.

“It’s not like we knew you were going to run, ma’am.”

“Okay.” Amy clears her throat. Everyone falls silent. “Congratulations. Who is the…who is the woman?”

“Wendy Collins. She’s a fashion reporter for the Post.”

“A journalist?!” Selina explodes. The morning goes downhill from there.

~*~

Amy sends an intern home to sort through three months of unopened mail and retrieve Mike’s wedding invitation. The intern comes back with a lavender invitation printed with navy sail boats.

“I can’t tell if you’re having a boy or getting married.” Dan snarks.

“Oh my god, Mike, don’t you fucking dare have a kid.” God, a kid, can you fucking imagine, Amy would sooner slit her wrists. “I’m not getting stuck with just Dan on the campaign trail, he was the worst press secretary since whoever’s job it was to manage Hoover’s image.” Dan gives her the finger behind Selina’s back.

“I suppose it wouldn’t play well with the public if I didn’t attend my own press secretary’s wedding.” Selina sounds like she would rather do literally anything else.

“Cheer up, ma’am. It’s entirely possible there could be a nuclear stand-off or a global health crisis that will require your attention.” Sue replies stoically.

“God, here’s hoping.” Selina stalks back into her office.

“I don’t know why you’re all so cranky, I love weddings. Sue, put it in big, bold letters so we make sure to schedule around the day.”

“I think I can do my job without your input, Gary. ”

“Gary!” Selina shouts from her desk. “I need some caffeine before my meeting with the Speaker, and if I could get it, you know, before I die…”

“Coming, ma’am.”

~*~

“So when did you actually write this?” Amy asks Dan, later that afternoon. He’s commandeered the white board and is writing words like inspiration and reflection all over it in big letters. “Seriously. Even you cannot bullshit this fast.”

“Oh, Amy.” Dan smirks. “Sweet, innocent Amy. You think this book is original? I’ve got ten different versions of it. You just change the background information depending on the politician, and boom—instant book.”

“So you’re just mindlessly reproducing soft bullshit narratives that appeal to the lowest common denominator of the American electorate.”

“Yep.” replies Dan, gleefully. “And it’s going to get her elected.”

~*~

A week after they learn about Mike’s wedding, Gary mopes into the office looking like a drowned possum. Selina’s in an endless meeting with the HUD secretary, and he spends the entire morning sighing dramatically over his desk until Sue finally snaps and asks him what’s wrong.

“Dana and I had another fight….” he lowers his voice, “…about Selina.”

“Dana who?” asks Dan.

“I really feel like we all need to get better at remembering information about each other’s personal lives.” Mike complains.

“We absolutely do not.” Amy contradicts.

“It’s all right for you, everyone knows you’re dating Ed because he already works for Selina.”

“Yes, and I really regret that fact.” Also she’s not entirely sure they’re still dating, but she’s sure as hell not going to mention that in front of Dan.

(It has become a-moment-to-which-they-do-not-ever-refer, when Dan had asked her to “grab a bite” after Catherine’s party, whatever that had meant and she couldn’t, because she had a date with Ed, and then Dan got inexplicably wasted with Jonah at Catherine’s make-up birthday dinner and they bonded over acting like jealous Neanderthals. But then the next day Dan called Jonah a malformed super-alien who emerged from leftover godzilla jizz, didn’t mention Ed, and everything went back to normal.)

“So what happened with you and Dan?” Ed asked, the next time they went out. “Did you, like, break his heart or something?”

“He…really hates Boston.” Amy mumbled into her whiskey, and then wondered what the fuck she was doing making excuses for Dan Egan.

So anyway, they don’t talk about it.)

“Can we focus on me, please?” Gary’s demanding loudly. “Dana’s so mad that I’m still working here. She won’t even let me touch the cheese anymore.”

“So quit.” Dan suggests, sweetly.

“Dan,” Amy says warningly. Selina would have a fucking meltdown.

“Nice try, Dan.” Gary spits. “Selina already told me I can’t.”

“So break up with Dana. She stole Selina’s lipstick and leaked your precious code to the press. She’s obviously trying to destroy your career.”

“You have to be a man about it, Gary.” Sue tells him. “I know it’s an unfamiliar concept.”

Gary agonizes all day. Mike ends up taking him out for a drink after Selina’s left for the evening. They come up back absolutely shit-faced around nine in the evening with the news that Gary is now officially Mike’s unofficial wedding planner.

“How much did you have to drink?” Amy asks, disgusted.

“Two margaritas.” Gary giggles. “And we decided on yellow as an accent color for the wedding.”

“Wow.” says Dan. “I didn’t even know it was possible for you to be even less than a man than I thought.”

“Dan, how is Gary’s bag any different than what you carry around?” Mike slurs.

“Uh, mine isn’t filled with lipstick and tampons, for starters, Mike.”

“No, just hair gel and skincare products.” Amy deadpans, and is rewarded when Dan gives her a dirty look over Gary’s head.

“You guys, this is extremely unprofessional behavior.” Jonah announces sanctimoniously, from where he’s lurking in the corner. “POTUS would not be pleased if he knew this is how the veep manages her office.”

“Jonah, you literally announce it when a female press aide gives you her business card to give to Kent.”

“They give me more than their business cards and you know it, Dan.”

In the end she and Dan have to put Gary to bed on the couch and pour Mike into a cab, and it doesn’t even make the top thirty list of humiliating things Amy’s done in the course of her tenure as VP chief of staff.

“Why do I feel like Selina’s entire campaign is going to be us babysitting these idiots?” Dan mutters as they watch the cab disappear into traffic.

“Feel free to jump ship at any time, I won’t stop you.”

Dan bares his teeth at her, that fake-innocent smile that’s definitely going to land him in prison one day. “Sorry, Ames, you’re not going to the moon without me.”

“Pity that.”

~*~

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Dan is an obnoxious dickhead about Selina’s book.

Due to the need to get the manuscript to print as quickly as possible, he demands an hour of one-on-one time with Selina every morning so he can mine anecdotes about her personal life and political career. Selina overrules both Amy and Sue and actually gives it to him. Something about how Andrew thinks the book is a good idea too. Fucking Andrew.

Well, that’s perfectly fine. Amy has plenty to do to prepare for the upcoming campaign, and it’s all much more important than Selina’s book. It absolutely does not matter that Dan always emerges from these private sessions looking even more smug than he usually does (if such a thing were possible). As though he knows all kinds of new secrets about Selina. Which he doesn’t. Amy already knows everything that needs to be known, and Gary knows what nobody needs to know.

Mike’s too preoccupied with his upcoming wedding to really make a pretense of caring about the book—or about work in general, so Dan’s writing and handling more of Mike’s duties (whatever they are, if he’s ever handled them, which is debatable). Theoretically, as chief of staff Amy should step in and make some noise about equitable handling of the VP’s communication strategy blah blah blah. But she figures Mike’s in love and Dan, as much as it pains her to admit it, has never shied away from more work.

Summer sets in over D.C., and the days get long and humid. The interns dig out the floor fans from storage, and Gary starts keeping scented silk handkerchiefs for Selina to dab on her neck and forehead whenever they have to cross the street. Dan bans Mike from coming anywhere his desk or personal items—“in case you contaminate anything with your flop sweat”—and Amy starts getting multiple invitations for Brookheimer summer family reunions that she, mercifully, has no time to attend.

The House dithers over a pharmaceutical bill that’s dead on arrival in the Senate. Ben and Kent pop in from time to time with presidential updates. POTUS is reportedly planning a bunch of foreign policy spectacles in order to show off how relevant he is: state dinners, a tour of some East African refugee camps, a summit with Japan and South Korea…

“That’s just fine.” Selina tells Ben, her eyes glinting opportunistically. “Tell him he can spend the entire summer on his impotency tour. I’ve got everything under control here, in the actual United States of America.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” Ben replies, his mouth twisting into a smirk in spite of himself. “Try and contain your glee, ma’am.”

They go to Baltimore to talk about violence in schools, then to Pennsylvania to talk to some steel workers. On the way back, Gary makes Mike a pros and cons chart about different kinds of wedding cake.

Andrew lurks, popping up occasionally to take Selina to dinner or try and convince Sue to put some sketchy fundraiser on the schedule. She, Dan, and Sue develop a strategy to get him out of the office. Whenever he lingers, Amy gets a convenient call from the director of the Office of Investigations over at Treasury, and Andrew disappears within three seconds flat. It’s remarkably effective.

In between his information sessions with Selina, downplaying the inevitability of Selina’s campaign to the press, meetings with Amy on the Hill to try and derail a trade war with Mexico, and thinking of even more creative nicknames for Jonah, Dan writes the book.

~*~

It is, as Amy suspected, saccharine garbage.

“Dan, you know this…this is fucking terrible, right?”

She’s perched on the arm of the loveseat; Dan’s sprawled over it, taking up a truly excessive amount of space with his long legs and arms. There are balls of paper scattered all around. Writing, based on the way Dan goes about it, looks a lot like dramatically crumpling up pieces of paper and lounging around on various pieces of furniture like he’s Jack fucking Kerouac.

“I mean, thank God you’ve already negotiated the publishing deal, because this is some serious—“

Dan throws a ball of paper at her. “You want your own book, get in line, Brookheimer.”

“Written by you? Pass.”

“Someone had to write it, Amy.”

“Like there aren’t fifty ghostwriters in this town more qualified than you.”

“I dare you to find even one.”

“Guys,” Sue intervenes, without even looking up from her computer. “Take it outside, please.”

#veep fic #veep #veep season two #veep season three #dan egan #amy brookheimer #dan x amy #selina meyer #mike mclintock #gary walsh #sue wilson

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yourtouchismidas · 1 year

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Heyy, obsessed with ruins and your lil blurbs 🥺 just had this thought about Taylor singing never grow up at the eras tour and Matty getting all emotional and clingy with Gigi for literally days afterwards and now my heart can’t cope 😭💔

matty has been quiet all day. in fact, he's been quiet since the other night. the three of you, you, him and gigi, had gone to a second night of the eras tour after taylor invited you back. gigi was jumping off the walls thrilled, and this time wore her princess dress that taylor had personally sent in the mail. gigi wasn't a twirler, she was more a pump her fists in the air kind of dancer, and you'd put her in hip hop classes recently and she would take her shirt off to match george when she played drums. but here in the the vip tent, she was a princess. again, she has bracelets all up and down her arms from the fans that passed her, and she even made some herself this time (all spelt wrong because she wouldn't let you help) to pass out to some of the other people there.

matty had started the night his usual self. the two of you swayed to lover again, and he whispered in your ear that he loved this song, his voice tickling you. he lifted gigi on his shoulders and jiggled her around for the fast songs, big hands firmly clamped round her calves so she wouldnt go flying. it wasnt until the surprise songs that you noticed him go a bit quiet.

the first few chords of never grow up started playing and the crowd went mad. your eyes started welling up immediately, scooping your baby girl into your arms so you could hold her for it, because this song didnt mean nearly as much to you until you held her in your arms for the first time.

"what's this?" matty said, from behind you, but eyes trained on taylor as she sat at the piano and began the opening lyrics, your little hands wrapped around my finger...

"it's never grow up!" you whispered back to him, and then turn away, not willing to miss any more seconds of it.

"i dont know this one," you heard matty say from behind you, and when you turn back quickly, his eyes still haven't left the stage. when the song finishes, you are in floods of tears, and gigi is looking at you concerned and you squeeze her so tight until she pushes you away and tells you to stop. you're too in your own world to notice matty.

when the concert finishes, the lights come up and matty grabs gigi's hand and says, "come on then gigi girl," he says, and they walk out together.

that night, you wake up to matty missing from your bed, his side cool, like he'd been gone for a while. you slip out of your room and check gigi's, and there he is, curled up around her. he's asleep, so you watch them for a bit, your loves, smiling. in the morning matty says, "yeah she got scared last night and was crying," and you smile and nod, but you think, gigi hasn't cried in the night for years, and you didn't hear a single sound.

a day or two later, you find matty in the garden by himself. he is sitting, looking at the sky with his ear buds in. he's holding his phone, which is dark screened and locked. you pull an earbud out.

"new music?" you say.

"yeah," he says, grabbing it back abruptly, "sorry, it's still a work in progress. it's just..."

"sorry i intruded," you say, teasing him, "i'll leave you to your art."

you go back inside but he follows you and wraps his arms around you in a bear hug, holding you there.

"what's this for?" you say, and when he doesn't answer, "you okay?"

"yeah," he says, "i just love you."

you let him hold you, breathing in the smell of him. he only breaks apart when his phone buzzes, and he snaps his head down to look at it.

"oh, it's just george,"

"waiting for something?"

"gigi told me she would text if she wanted to come home early," he says.

"she's at michelle's. she loves it there. michelle's parents let her have so much cake last time she was there she threw up. remember? she aint coming home early."

"yeah," matty says, almost sadly. then he drifts back into the garden.

he has his earbuds in a lot the next few days. he seems distant. one time, you find him on the sofa, gigi fallen asleep in his arms, fresh from the bath and hair damp, air buds in, tears in his eyes.

"matty," you say, sitting down next to him. you reach out and touch his curls and when you do the tears in his eyes spill out and run down his cheeks. "what is it?"

"it's this fucking song," he whispers, then he takes out an ear bud and puts it in your ear.

immediately, the middle of never grow up is playing and you're back in the arena, dancing with your daughter, holding her, wishing she would never grow up. and if you'd looked back, you would've seen matty, face crumpled, watching you both, swaying in front of him, eyes on his baby, taking in those lyrics you know so well for the first time.

Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up Don't you ever grow up Just stay this little Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up Don't you ever grow up It could stay this simple

"i've listened to it a thousand times over the last few days," matty tells you. he puts a big hand over gigi's head, flattening her wet curls underneath them. "i need her..." he says through tears, "i need her to not grow up."

"i know baby," you say, leaning your head into his shoulder. you both look down at your daughter, her lips parted, her little chest rising and falling. "but she will."

you're quiet for a second, not knowing what to say, but then you remember what made you feel better about it, when you were sobbing with gigi that night.

"you cant stop her growing up, but you can do the rest of the song."

"what do you mean?"

"I won't let nobody hurt you. Won't let no one break your heart And no one will desert you."

matty strokes his fingers through his daughter's hair.

"of course baby," he tells her, "i will do all of that for you and more."

the taylor song plays softly through the headphones,

please try to never grow up

#ruins #ruins behind the scenes #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty healy x y/n #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #dad!matty

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thedirtygrid · 2 years

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CHARLES LECLERC’S POST-WIN TRADITION…FEATURING YOU.

A short fantasy story

Summary- Leclerc wins the title and in his celebrations has a tradition he wants to explore with you…

WARNINGS. 18+ Sexual content, based on fantasy.

He comes out onto the podium above you, you hear the crowd go wild as he waves while leaping up onto the top step in delight. You can’t fully believe it. Charles Leclerc is a formula one world champion, and you are lucky enough to be visiting the Ferrari garage as a VIP.

The Italian national anthem echoes around the track as the fans go wild. You take a moment to look around at the joy around you, so much happiness, but part of Charles looks empty, you can’t fully work out what it could be… He lifts the champagne bottle and runs to the railing of the podium to spray it over his team, and that’s when he caught your eye…

The champagne spray hit you, surprising you at how quickly it soaked your expensive outfit that you had deliberately picked to impress Charles. It took a few seconds for it to stop. When you finally wiped it away from your eyes and looked back up to the podium, you could see Charles, still soaked in sweat and now champagne, taking a huge gulp from the bottle. At the same time, he’s still staring you in the eyes, when he gives you one of his playful winks. This sends butterflies through your spin.

“He just winked at me!” You exclaim without even realising. At this moment, Charles’ personal trainer comes over - “you didn’t get off lightly with the champagne did you! You’re soaked…Charles has had his eye on you ever since he saw you in the garage tour yesterday during qualifying. He even went out his way to look at your Instagram”

“He did what?” You didn’t know how to react to the fact Charles had been spying on your Instagram, never mind the fact he just sprayed you with champagne and winked at you!

“Yeah he’s definitely got his eye on you, he told me to tell you to go over to his post-race cool-down room behind the garage” his personal trainer said.

By this stage, you were walking over to Charles’ room, you still couldn’t work out what the hell was going on, and why on earth he’d want you, having never met. You wondered where Charlotte, his girlfriend, might be. You didn’t notice her at the podium, maybe she saw Charles wink and is now mad at him, or even me? “Maybe he thinks I’m a bad person?” The thoughts rushed through your head until you arrived at his door. You knocked and he immediately opened the door slowly and cautiously. “Quick, come in” he said.

You stepped into the room and he closed the door behind you, he was still fully clothed in all his race suit, his hair was messy but you couldn’t stop thinking how sexy he looked, as always. “How did you get so wet?” He cheekily asked, before having a quick giggle to himself. “I’m only joking, I purposely aimed that champagne spray at you, you looked like you were enjoying it”

“Oh really?” You replied in an embarrassed way. “Why would you aim it at me?” You really wanted to know by this stage.

“I enjoyed it.” He said while throwing his phone down onto the table. “I enjoy it, but I don’t enjoy Charlotte at the moment. She’s left the track, in a mood, I’m not sure why but she always does it and I’m not going to let this ruin my celebrations”

You didn’t know whether to feel sorry for Charles, or happy for the fact that Charlotte had left the track. “I’m…” …but he interrupted before you could finish.

“…I’ve had my eyes on you for a couple of days now” he said confidently while looking you up and down and subconsciously biting his lip. “ I have a post win tradition, but I’m hoping to make it extra special considering I’ve won the title.”

You didn’t know what to think, but at this stage he started walking towards you, he was still fully clothed in his race suit while he slowly wrapped one arm around you while the other locked the door. At this stage you were literally in Charles Leclerc’s arms, you stood staring him in the eyes, trying to work out what was going on, but whatever was happening you were loving it. “Do you want to know what my post race tradition is?” He said, almost whispering as his face was right in front of yours. Before you could even think, his hand had slowly gone down to your bum, and he placed it there while saying “I enjoy letting off some steam with fit girls, and you are one of them” he then leant in to kiss you. The feeling of his lips on yours was like nothing else, so soft. You could feel the prickles of his well trimmed beard and moustache as he kissed you. And the smell of both sweat and champagne hit you, but it was a hot smell.

“Mhm” he said, with his lips all wet from the kissing. “I knew spraying you with champagne was a good idea, you now taste even better than I imagined…” you were now so turned on, he had a way with you like no other guy. So attractive, so flirty, so sexy. You placed your hands behind his head and thick neck, while you kissed. You were surprised at how sticky and sweaty he was, but after all he had just done a full race in a formula one car. Part of you was glad that he hadn’t showered, as you had always fantasised about hot and sweaty racing drivers.

Before you could even think straight, he had placed you lying down on the bed and he had taken his racing suit off. You took a moment to admire the view of his body, as he took his fireproof layers off. His chiselled abs looked even better than on the photos you had secretly admired of him, and his biceps, still wet with sweat, glistened in the low lights of his room. This is when your eyes wandered even lower to his boxer shorts which had something very hard inside of them…

He then lay on top of you, you could feel his weight as he relaxed on top and started to lick your next, at the same time you felt his big, manly fingers slide up your thighs to your pants. He then proceeded to ripping your pants off, at the same time you exclaimed in excitement, while he brought up his fingers to your mouth. “Suck them” he demanded. You opened your mouth and let him slide his fingers inside. They tasted salty and slightly metallic, like the sweat on the rest of his body, but the taste filled you with an animalistic desire. He then took his fingers out of your mouth and brought them back down to your cunt, and then he slid two of his wet fingers inside.

The feeling was incredible. He had all of his weight pinned down on top of you, and now he was fingering you…fingering you deep and hard.

“Oh fuck charles, fuck” you bit your lip in pleasure as he ploughed his fingers up into you. You could feel the warmth of his sweaty fingers, as well as the cold sensation of his rings that he hadn’t taken off. You had always found his hands attractive, as stupid as that may sound, particularly with his rings on. You had even taken the effort to examine his rings on his photos on Instagram, and you noticed one of them had Charlottes initials engraved into it. “I wonder if he is wearing that ring now, while it’s deep inside of me” you thought to yourself.

By this stage Charles slid his fingers out of you, you could hear how wet you had got for him. “Mhm, I think you enjoyed that” he said cheekily, while bringing his own fingers up to his mouth to suck on. “You taste good” he said as he licked your juices off his own fingers. “You ready to get fucked?” He quickly threw off his wet boxer shorts, and slid his dick inside of you.

His thrust’s were deep and long. His dick felt bigger than anything you had ever felt before, it filled you up completely as he fucked you.

The feelings were intense , he instantly hit your spot and made you cum “oh shit Charles I’m gonna cum” you exclaimed while he fucked you even harder. The feelings were so intense that you didn’t even realise how hard you were grabbing and scratching his sweaty, muscly back while he was on top of you. He now felt like he was getting even sweatier, if that was possible by this stage…

As you fucked, you could feel his huge dick throbbing inside of you, he groaned at the feeling of your tight pussy as he used it how he wanted.

You were now covered in sweat too, you couldn’t work out if it was yours or his, or a bit of both. But he was a sweaty mess, and you loved it. A moment ago he was sweating while becoming world champion. Now he’s sweating because he’s using his energy to fuck me, and me alone.

While he thrust deep inside you he slid his fingers back in your mouth for you to suck on. This is when you realised he was wearing the ring Charlotte had given him, but you didn’t care, you just said “you’re a dirty boy aren’t you?” He didn’t reply but he slid his fingers deeper into your mouth, almost choking you. When he took them out again, they were dripping with your own saliva, but he took one look at them before sucking all of it off. “You taste so good” he said yet again. “I’m not gonna last much longer.” You didn’t mind, because this had been the best sex you had ever had, so dirty, so sexy. But at the same time you never wanted it to end.

His groans were now getting louder and his thrusts harder, you could sense he was getting close. He then whispered “I’m gonna spray you like I did with the champagne” and immediately slid his huge, wet dick out of you. You felt like he had stretched you out, probably because he had. He then picked you up off the bed and told you to get on your knees below him.

You looked up at him, while you were down on your knees on the cold floor, as he jerked his own dick above you. You sat in awe of this incredible man from this angle. The size of him, the power of him. You wondered how many girls would dream of being in this position. He then closed his eyes and bit his lip when it hit you.

It was warm, it was gooey, and it didn’t seem to end, much like the champagne. He moaned in pleasure as he released his cum all over you. It was the most cum you had ever seen and felt. And you still couldn’t quite believe you were getting sprayed with Charles’ actual seed…

He finally finished his release and looked down at you, sweat dripping off his forehead and onto yours. “Agh, Good girl…I told you i’d spray you like I did before” he was panting after the intense workout you had just both had. He went to go and grab a towel while you kneeled on the floor, still covered with his cum. While he was looking for a towel you couldn’t help but think “ I wonder what he tastes like?” You took one of your fingers and collected up a lump of his cum and sucked it off. He tasted like no other guy she had experienced.

And that’s because he was a world champion.

More stories coming soon ;)

#charles leclerc #formula one #fantasy #sweaty men #fictional story #smut #fanfic

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total-drama-takes-takes-2 · 10 months

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ttwt episode 3

“Last time, on Total Takes World Tour: we dropped off our contestants in Seoul, South Korea- literally! Though they survived the fall, not everyone survived the challenge- after losing half their players, Team Mojo was doomed from the start, and ultimately took the fall- leading to Frollo’s real fall, haha. Mal made some brand new enemies, and Bonnie showed off their soft side when they made buddies with Julia- aw. Who will be falling from altitude next? Will anyone survive today’s challenge? Find out now, on Total Takes: World Tour!”

The inside of first class is illuminated with light classical music, mood lighting, and the smell of fresh pain au chocolat. Kelly and Staci are lounging with their feet up and cucumbers over their eyes, Phillip is busy writing in a thick journal (while giving everyone sideways glances) and Bonnie is absent-mindedly toying with their Switch.

Max walks into the cabin holding a small bag. “Bathroom’s full. Is anyone here afraid of needles?” then, after a short pause. “Oh, right. I don’t care.”

He sits down next to Bonnie and rolls up his pant leg, then starts unpacking some medical supplies. The latter looks up from their switch curiously. “Whatcha got there?”

“Heroin,” he says plainly, lightly pinching his thigh with one hand and readying a needle with the other. It suddenly hits Bonnie and their face goes blank.

“Oh. I didn’t know, sorry,”

“It’s fine. Not like I’d be getting any more privacy in the Orwellian nightmare bathroom back there,” he says, not breaking a sweat as he finishes up the injection.

Kelly leans over the back of their seat. “I do patches,”

“Congratulations,”

---

Ass wakes up with a long stretch, groaning as they work the kinks out of their back from the bumpy and uncomfortable ride. The sound of merry chatting is like nails on a chalkboard to them as Joner and Sha-Mod discuss their upcoming album from across the cabin.

“I mean, we both have great ideas,” Joner says.

Sha-Mod nods. “Really great ideas,”

“But it’s not fair to make big decisions without McLovin,”

He thinks for a second, then shrugs. “I guess you’re right. Sucks that we can’t all be here,”

“Tell me about it,” Joner sighs, looking at his teammates. “You gotta promise not to get kicked off. I need you now more than ever, buddy.”

“I swear it! If we go down, we go down together,”

---

SHA-MOD: “Okay, Joner’s my friend and all, but… I’m starting to think maybe this time apart from each other, and MC is good. We’re all a little… What's the word… codeperous!”

From outside the bathroom, Max’s voice shouts “THAT IS NOT A WORD!”

---

Chris’ voice blares over the loudspeakers. “Goooood morning! All campers report to the galley in five for the deets on your next challenge,”

Economy class grumbles and starts unbuckling themselves for the depressing walk to the tiny eating area.

---

Chris is standing on the metal picnic table in the center of the room, wearing a viking hat and fake beard. “Welcome to Iceland! Land of the vikings and reduced alphabets!” Chris says. “In just a moment, we’ll be right over some of the most famous hot springs in the world, where I’ll give you the deets on your next challenge. Before then, I’d suggest buckling up- this landing’s gonna be bumpy!”

The teens look at each other and then rush towards the nearest seats, buckling in fast as the plane hits a massive wall of turbulence, shaking everyone like they’re inside a blender. Chris laughs with glee and the plane promptly lands.

Now dizzy and disoriented, the teens take a moment to collect themselves before unbuckling, but Chris is already five steps ahead of them. He throws open the doors and shouts, “HELLOOOOO, Iceland!” to crickets.

The plane sits atop an ice sheet in the middle of nowhere. “Um. Where are we?”

Chef walks up to the door behind him. “It’s Iceland,”

“No it isn’t!”

Chef looks across the empty ice sheet. “I see ice. I see land. Iceland,”

“Chef,” Chris sighs, massaging his temples. “Where are we on the map?”

“Big island thingy by Newfoundland,”

“Greenland! We’re in Greenland!” Chris shouts. “What can we even do in Greenland?!”

“That’s not my job,” Chef shrugs and disappears back to the pilot’s quarters. Chris groans. “Okay, okay. Does anyone here know anything about Greenland?”

Silence. The teens look between each other silently and Chris sighs. “Okay, fine. Everyone out. We’re gonna walk across the ice sheet til we find something,”

The entire group groans and follows Chris out into the cold. The wind is blowing snow across the sheet and everyone is shivering as the host zips up his parka and loudly sips from a Thermos. “Mmm. Hot chocolate really lifts my spirits,”

“I am going. To kill him,” Ass grumbles, wrapping their arms around themselves. “Or myself.”

“Ugh, don’t you dare leave me with Mal,” Courtney says, trudging along.

Near the back of the group, Mal rambles on happily about her favorite manga to Joner, who’s starting to look like a corpse.

The group suddenly stops, crashing into each other as Chris stops in front of them. “Here we go!”

The teens stand before a massive glacier face. “Didn’t think there were any of these left,” the host chuckles. “Okay, impromptu challenge. First team to scale that glacier gets hot chocolate dibs back on the plane.”

Without another word, the freezing teams rush by him and start climbing the slippery face of the massive glacier. Kelly climbs with an unseen precision and speed, outpacing all of the other competitors.

---

KELLY: “Fusion gymnastics really pay off,”

---

They reach the top of the glacier in minutes, and peer over the edge. “Come on, Team Friendship! We can do it!”

“Speak for yourself, you spider monkey freak!” Max shouts from the base.

“Spider monkeys are beautiful creatures!” Kelly yells back.

Nearby, Michela struggles on the slippery, icy surface- her hands won’t hold onto the sleek edges of ice, and her heavy boots keep pulling her down. As she loses her balance for what feels like the millionth time, someone grabs her arm and hoists her over a ledge.

“Try digging your heels in more,” Albert says. “And your hands. I did a campaign against oil drilling in Alaska, and did some climbing. while I was there”

She huffs. “Thank you,”

He salutes her and starts climbing upwards while Max watches in annoyance from nearby.

---

MAX: “I just want to point out, for the record, that he could be flirting with any other girl on the show, but he had to choose mine. There’s something wrong with that guy,"

---

“Dude, later,” Bonnie says as they climb past him. Max sighs and follows them up.

Albert reaches the top of the glacier and huffs, looking around. Kelly is a few yards away, still shouting down to their team. “Let’s go, guys! You’re doing great,”

He smiles and sits beside them. “Well, aren’t you a little ray of sunshine?”

“Hm?” Kelly looks up. “Oh- I try! We could all use a little push in the right direction, don’t you think? There’s no point to giving up.”

“You can’t win everything, though,”

“Not with that attitude,” they say, matter-of-factly. “Let’s go, team!”

Albert walks off to help Michela over the ledge and Kelly cheerily returns to their team, most of whom keep shouting back at them to be quiet.

Michela and Albert hoist Austin over the ledge and fall backwards as he collapses on top of them with a scream. Kelly’s attention is diverted to the scuffle, but they quickly turn away when they see who it is.

“Hey, baby, don’t be a stranger,” Austin says, noticing the avoidance. “Friends, right?”

Kelly looks back and clears their throat. “Yeah, I mean…. It’s been a while, that’s all,”

“Not too long for an old lover, eh, bird?” he nudges them and they giggle. Patrick makes it over the ledge and slips across the ice, crashing into Michela and Albert like bowling pins and sending them tumbling backwards again. “Well, best get back to the old ball and chain- the team that is!” he laughs at his own joke and walks off.

---

KELLY: “Sometimes I forget how much I liked Austin when we were together. I mean… we broke up for a reason, and-and I stand by that! But still…”

---

Phillip reaches the top and skids across the ice before coming to a stop in front of Michela and Albert, preventing them from being barreled over again. The first of Team Yaoi successfully makes it over the top and pulls Joner up with them. He and Courtney wheeze atop the ice for a few moments before brushing themselves off and peering over the edge.

Ass and Julia come next, followed by Mal, who’s been talking about Yuri on Ice for the past eighteen minutes.

“Someone either get me a pair of earmuffs or a shotgun,” Ass grumbles, pushing past Courtney as Mal babbles on.

While the team is distracted, Joner runs over to the edge and pulls Sha-Mod up, looking both ways for witnesses.

“Thanks, man,” he huffs. Joner shrugs.

Next up is Max and Bonnie. “Has anyone seen Staci?” The latter asks, looking from side to side.

“Right here, bozos,” Staci says, sitting in a makeshift ice throne. “I found some scrap metal and used it to make ice picks like, ages ago!”

Max rolls his eyes.

“Looks like you all made it up alive. Good on you!” Chris says. “While you were busy doing whatever, I went ahead and found a real challenge for you- ice fishing! A common pastime here in Greenland, the sport requires a fair bit of travel. The traditional method is dog sledding, but since we already did that in the original World Tour, you’ll be taking a different twist- building your own out of the materials provided!”

A large helicopter hovers overhead and dunks piles of junk on the top of the glacier, right before the teams. “After that, you’ll be choosing who gets to pull you! Meet you at the finish line!”

A ladder drops from the helicopter and Chris grabs it, waving goodbye as he flies off.

Staci turns back to the team. “This should be easy enough! We just need something to move on, some rope, and a body,”

“I see cardboard and diapers,” Bonnie says, pointing to the trash pile. “Where’d Chris get this stuff, anyway?”

“I’d assume some kind of current carries trash in the Atlantic up here,” Max says, tossing a tin can behind him. “But what do I know? Let’s ask the genius.”

They all turn to Staci, who shrugs. “How would I know? It doesn’t matter, anyway- we’ve got everything we need. Max, start collecting those cardboard boxes. Bonnie, get me something metal. Kelly, you’re on shoelace duty,” they salute. Staci continues. “Everyone else, start looking for some kind of adhesive and some kind of grease. Let’s go!”

The team disperses, leaving the two others behind. Ass and Courtney watch them section off. “So, we’re screwed,” Ass says, unamused. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be dying of hypothermia.”

They walk off, leaving the team behind. “Can we please not fight?” Joner whimpers.

Courtney sighs and nods. “Joner’s right, we need to stick together,” they scan the horizon. “Someone find some… wood, or something. There’s gotta be something we can do!”

Joner and Julia look at each other (the latter rolling her eyes) and both cautiously walk off into the garbage.

---

COURTNEY: “Okay, so I’m not a perfect leader. So what? Someone has to keep this team together!”

---

“Look what I found, baby!” Austin glides back over to Team Mojo, who so far have only collected sheet metal. Michela looks at him, and the rest of the team raise their heads as he stops in front of them gracefully.

“Ice skates! Way to go!” Albert says. “We can attach them to the bottom of our sled.”

“There’s a whole line of them over there, baby!” Austin jabs his thumb backwards, then begins taking off the skates. “But they make me look really shagadelic, don’t they?”

Everyone looks at Michela for comment. She rolls her eyes. “Whatever,”

---

MICHELA: “Why am I ‘the girl’? I mean, I know why, but come on! Patrick is right there!”

---

Kelly sifts through the large pile of abandoned boots in the old shoe sector of the trash heap, pulling out shoelaces and humming to themselves. They crawl on their knees, ducking under alcoves in the garbage island. Their pockets are stuffed full of laces, and as they continue along the depressing manmade horror, they bump their head against something.

“Ow!” they exclaim, adjusting their vision after the bump knocked them dizzy.

“Oops- sorry, baby, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Austin says. “Here, let me help with that.” he pulls off his blazer, wraps a chunk of ice in it, and presses it against Kelly’s forehead. They smile gratefully and hold it to their head. “Thank you,”

---

KELLY: “Despite everything, he’s still a gentleman,” they pause for a few moments, then sigh. “Sometimes… I really miss him.”

---

“How’ve you been holding up? Groovy, I hope?” Austin asks, pulling another ice skate out of the snow.

Kelly shrugs. “Oh, you know. Good, bad, in between. Lonely, mostly,” they sigh.

Austin places a gentle hand on Kelly’s shoulder. “Sorry to hear that, baby,”

The two look at each other for a moment, both crouching on the ground in their little cave of ice and garbage. Austin slowly begins leaning in, and Kelly takes the cue and does the same, closing their eyes.

But Austin, instead of doing the expected, ducks to the left and nabs something behind Kelly. They fall forward and land face-first in the snow. “There you are, you little bugger,” he says, holding up another skate. “Well, fun chat! Later, baby!”

Austin gets up and walks off with his bundles of ice skates, leaving Kelly behind. They struggle for a moment before sitting up and backing out of the cave, their tongue attached to the blade of an ice skate that was embedded in the snow.

“Uh-oh,” they say with a heavy lisp.

Chris walks over to observe the scene. “Wow. What’re the chances,” he chuckles. The familiar ring of the musical bell sounds and Kelly mumbles.

“Now?”

Chris nods. “Now. But, uh- let’s get some backup singers, shall we?” he chuckles. “You seem a little tongue-tied.”

Kelly’s brow furrows at the annoying joke while Chris laughs at himself. Michela, Ass, and Courtney are shoved over by Chef, much to their collective annoyance.

“Ah, here we are. Take it away, ladies! And… things,” he squints before walking off.

“What happened?” Michela asks. Kelly grumbles as the bell rings again, almost passive-aggressively this time. “The strings of my heart are a tangled mess!”

“Oh, I love this one,” Courtney says, elbowing Ass to join in. “Ooh, mess!”

“It’s beating so hard, it’s jumping out of my chest!”

Michela begrudgingly joins in this time. “Ooh, chest!”

“I tried to start with a clean slate!”

“Ooh, slate!”

“I ended up stuck to a skate!”

“They got stuck, tried their luck, sucks to suck- stuck, stuck to a skate!”

“I was a fool, thought nothing had changed!”

“Ooh, changed!”

“Now I realize that was totally strange!”

“Ooh, strange!”

“He’s moved on, I’m still stuck in the past!”

“Ooh, past!”

“I probably should’ve just asked!”

“They got stuck, tried their luck, sucks to suck- stuck, stuck to a skate! Stuck, stuck, stuck to a skate!”

“Are we done now?” Michela asks. No one responds and she walks off.

“Um… help? Please?” Kelly asks.

Ass rolls their eyes. “Maybe next time you should think before throwing your lips at anyone who looks your way,”

Courtney holds up a finger. “But-”

“Come on,” Ass grabs their wrist and drags them away from Kelly.

---

ASS: “Strawberry Shortcake? Oh, please. They’re like a weird pet to me. I’ve got them completely wrapped around my finger,”

---

COURTNEY: “Ass is annoying, but they’re not a threat. Like a small, loud dog. I’ve got them under my thumb,”

---

“Um… what happened to you?” Max asks as Kelly walks back to the group, holding up the skate (still attached to their face). “You know what? I don't even want to know.”

“Oh my gosh, Kelly! Where did you find this?!” Staci says, holding the skate. “This is perfect!”

“Austhin,” they mumble. “They hath a bunch over there.” they jab their thumb back towards Team Mojo, who’s sheet metal sled is almost complete.

“Well, nevermind that. I made something even better. You guys are gonna love this,” Staci says, pulling out their sled- a futuristic, yet simple design. “The runner is made out of tin can lids for traction, with an automatic feature that’ll cover them with this metal slip when we need to go smooth. I reinforced the cardboard, and these shoelaces will work perfectly to hold everything together and make up the reins.”

Max rolls his eyes. Bonnie elbows him. “It looks great, Staci,”

They shrug. “Oh, it’s nothing,”

Ass watches Team Friendship’s sled come together and looks back to the Yaois, who’s contraption looks more like an unfinished Ikea product.

“We need to hurry things up,” they announce curtly. “We’re WAY behind.”

“Please, keep standing there and telling us how bad we’re doing. It’s SO helpful!” Courtney says, using a cable to tie together the miscellaneous wood and cardboard pieces they found.

“Guys, can we please not argue?” Joner pipes up from behind them. “It’s really not helpful.”

Ass rolls their eyes and walks off. “Whatever. I’m going to find more wood,”

Courtney grumbles to themselves and angrily tightens the cable to a suffocating degree. Julia sits next to Joner and shakes her head. “What a crowd, huh? If you’d ask me, you’re the glue holding us together, Joner,”

She pats his back and he shivers. “Um… okay. I’m going to go sit by Mal,”

Joner gets up and stiffly walks over to Mal, who’s busy trying to get a signal on her phone.

---

“Attention, construction crews! You have five more minutes before the race begins!” Chris’ voice blares over his megaphone as his helicopter hovers overhead.

“How’re we feeling?” Bonnie says, stepping back. “Do we need a steering function, or will our “sled dog” take that on?”

“Do we have time to add anything else?” Max asks.

“There’s always time for finishing touches!” Staci squeals, running over and dumping a bucket of glitter over the sled. Max sighs and massages his temples.

---

STACI: “What? Just because I’m an engineer doesn’t mean I can’t have fun,”

---

Team Friendship piles on the sled, getting covered in glitter in the process. Max looks like he’s about to kill someone, and Bonnie isn’t faring much better.

The three sleds- each of varying quality- line up in front of the opposite end of the glacier, where Chris is waiting.

“Um, someone’s going to come and clean all this extra trash up, right?” Albert asks, looking at the pile behind them.

“Suuuuuuure,” Chris grins. “Just be grateful you’re reusing, buddy. Your next challenge is simple- your designated ‘sled dog’ will pull you down the glacier to the frozen lake, where you’ll cut into the ice and fish out one of these!” He holds up a handful of mugs, each a color coordinating to the teams. “Once you have your mug, you can cross the finish line and receive your reward-”

The crowd Oohs.

“-Not going to the elimination ceremony!”

The crowd sulks again.

“As soon as you choose your sled dogs, you’re free to go!” Chris fires a flare into the sky and chuckles to himself before walking off as the teams turn to each other.

“I volunteer!” Phillip says. “My raw strength is deeper than what meets the eye…”

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Max says. “How about Skate Face? Not like they’ve done a lot today besides frenching a shoe.”

Kelly protests, jabbing their finger, but their words are unintelligible.

“I’ll do it if it means less glitter on me,” Bonnie says, climbing out of the back and circling around to the front, fastening the harness. “Don’t even think about whipping me.”

Across the ice, Michela fastens the harness around herself and gives a thumbs up to the team behind her. Ass and Courtney watch the other group fix themselves up and turn to theirs.

“I’ll do it,” Courtney says, raising a hand. “It’s only fair after my terrible leadership today.”

“No kidding,” Ass grumbles. “But I don’t think you’re really up for the task, no offense. Wait, actually- offense!”

“Like you’d do any better,”

“Watch me!”

“Okay, then why doesn’t Mal do it? She hasn’t done a single thing all day!” Courtney shouts.

“Um, not true! I’m Wattpadding,” Mal scoffs, offended. Ass rolls their eyes.

“Enough!” Joner shouts, catching everyone’s attention. “I’ve had ENOUGH of your fighting! I’ll do it, okay!” He gets up and walks around to the front of the sled. “Now are you done acting like children, or do you want a juice box and a cookie with that?!”

Courtney, Ass, and Mal stare blankly, then slowly shake their heads.

“That’s what I thought,” Joner says, fastening the harness around him. “If I hear a single peep out of you, I’m turning this whole sled around!”

Julia smiles and leans into Joner to whisper. “Imagine how much smoother we’d run if one of those guys were gone. Just saying!”

---

JULIA: “I need an ally. No way I’m trusting basket case 1, 2, or 3, plus- Joner is probably the weakest link on the team. He needs me,”

---

Joner looks away as he finishes fastening the ropes around his torso and shoulders. “Me and Sha-Mod are already kind of allies,”

“You have a cross-team alliance?” Julia says. “I’m impressed. But Sha-Mod can’t help you here, and trust me- if we lose, you’ll be next.”

He thinks for a moment, and then nods. “Fine, but just for today, and just in case we lose,”

“Whatever works for you!” Julia says merrily.

Joner starts off, shortly ahead of Bonnie and far behind Michela (as Team Mojo’s vote for sled dog was unanimous). He dashes right off the side of the glacier and the crowd in the back scream in terror as they drop down.

Bonnie watches the Yaois fall and turns back to Staci. “This better work!”

“Trust me!”

They sigh and start running, screaming as they go off the edge- as the serrated edges of the tin can runners dig into the ice, though, the fall is dramatically slowed and much safer.

By the time they reach the ground below, they soar past Team Yaoi, who are all buried waist-deep in snow.

“I can see Michela and the boys!” Bonnie yells. Staci starts up the mechanism to cover the runners, and they pick up speed, gliding past the Mojos.

Kelly makes fleeting eye contact with Austin as they pass, and then quickly looks away.

---

“Joner? JONER!” Julia shouts as the Yaois dig through the snow, searching for their missing sled dog.

“Maybe he ran away?” Mal asks, using her phone flashlight to very slowly melt the snow underfoot.

Julia rolls her eyes. “He’s not an actual dog,”

“Isn’t he, though?” Ass snickers. Courtney whacks them upside the head.

A faint groaning catches everyone’s attention and they turn to a massive pile of snow and rocks up ahead. Courtney approaches and winces. “Oh, that’s… not good,”

Joner is lying in the pile of rocks, bruised and battered. Courtney and Julia lift him up and carry him to the back of the sled, then turn to each other. “So… who’s gonna pull it now?”

---

“Come on, Bonnie!”

“You got it, Bonnie!”

Bonnie rolls their eyes. “Okay, I get it!” and they speed up.

“Mush, mush!” Patrick yells, using his blazer as a whip to goad on Michela, who’s looking less than amused. “Good doggie!”

“Can someone do something about him?” she yells. Albert looks cautiously at him, and he snickers. “Oh, I dare you,”

Albert curls his hand into a fist and punches Patrick’s lights out.

---

ALBERT: “When you work in a field like mine, you have to learn how to defend yourself eventually. I’ve been threatened, attacked, attacked with bricks, attacked with pillowcases full of dead birds, and stoned at least five times,” he pauses. “And yet, they still built that dam.”

---

Bonnie slows down at the mouth of a frozen lake, Michela shortly after. Each respective team unloads and runs to the ice, where three sets of fishing rods and saws are sitting.

“Anyone know how to fish?”

On Mojo’s side, Albert begins sawing while Michela grabs the rod. “For the record,” he states. “I do not condone commercial fishing.”

“This isn’t commercial, nor is it fishing,” Michela says, dunking the fishing rod in the water the second the ice is cleared off.

Minutes later, Team Yaoi finally arrives, everyone but Joner pulling the sled behind them. “Let’s go!” Courtney shouts, dropping the ropes.

Ass grabs the saw and starts cutting the ice open while Julia readies the hook. Nearby, Michela shouts “Got something!” And pulls up an orange mug. “Let’s go!”

Team Mojo runs off, leaving behind Friendship and Yaoi, only one of which has gotten in the water yet. Max maneuvers the fishing rod around. “I’m not feeling anything,”

“You’re doing it wrong,” Phillip says. “I would know. I have a fishing encyclopedia.”

“So you know how to fish?” Staci asks.

He looks away and avoids the question for a few moments. “...No,”

“Why would you have a fishing encyclopedia if you don’t fish?” Bonnie questions, raising an eyebrow.

Phillip sighs. “You wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be a man,”

“I got something!” Max yells, just as Courtney gets their lure in the water. He pulls out a lavender mug and Team Friendship cheers, getting up and running off.

“Hurry!” Julia snaps at Courtney.

“I can’t fish any faster!”

---

Team Mojo crosses the finish line and cheers.

“And Team Mojo has won the challenge!” Chris announces. “Nice going, guys. Enjoy some complementary winners hot chocolate.”

Chef rolls out a large metal beverage dispenser.

“But we only have one mug!” Michela protests.

“I know. Sharing is caring, guys!” Chris chuckles. The team groans.

Team Friendship pulls up next, panting. “We-we made it! Not latht!” Kelly says. The team cheers, and only seconds later does Team Yaoi pull forward, holding their mug and panting.

“No. NO!” Ass shouts, dropping to their knees as they see both teams have arrived before them. “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

Courtney wheezes and collapses in the snow and Mal rolls her eyes. Julia looks around. “I feel like we forgot something,”

---

Sha-Mod pushes Joner back to the finish line in the shoddily-made sled, shaking his head.

---

“Team Yaoi, I’ll see you at the elimination ceremony tonight. The rest of you can enjoy a nice, toasty evening on the plane,” Chris grins. “Cause the engines are overheating and we can’t figure out why!”

---

Team Yaoi sits in the wooden bleachers at the elimination ceremony, wrapped in blankets and shivering.

“Team Yaoi- wow. You sucked. I can’t even think of a single nice thing to say about you!” Chris chuckles. “Your absolute hatred of each other led you to the pits- for some of you, literally!” he says, gesturing to Joner in a full-body cast. He groans. “But now it’s time to cast your votes and see who gets the boot for good,”

---

Courtney sits in the confessional and sighs. “As much as I want to get rid of Mal, and Ass… it’s cruel to keep Joner in the competition,”

---

Ass stamps out Courtney and flips their passport closed with a smile.

---

Joner mumbles erratically as he sits in his cast, trying to stretch out to reach the passports.

---

Mal stamps out Joner without even looking up from her phone.

---

“I know we’re supposed to be allies, but what use is someone who can’t even move his fingers?” Julia says, crossing her arms. “Can just one person I bet on make it to merge?” She stamps out Joner.

---

“Let’s see- Ass, Julia, and Mal- you’re safe,” Chris reads the votes aloud, tossing each player named a bag of pretzels. “And no surprise- Courtney, you’re safe, too. Sorry Joner. The good news is that there should be a hospital under us riiiiight about now.”

Chris tosses him a parachute, which Julia helps him put on. Ass rolls their eyes.

Joner mumbles something loudly, glaring at the team as he stands at the door. And without another word, he jumps out.

“Dramatic,” Chris chuckles.

---

Kelly sighs as they hold their hair dryer to their tongue, trying to unfreeze it from the harsh metal of the skate blade in the confessional. The door opens and someone jumps. “Sorry, didn’t realize someone was in here,”

“It’th fine,” Kelly says. “I didn’t lock it.”

“Still stuck to that thing?” Albert says, turning on the water tap and letting it run warm before gesturing for Kelly to try it out. They do and the blade immediately separates from their mouth.

“Finally!” They exclaim. “That could’ve saved me a few hours.”

He shrugs. “I do what I can. How’d you get stuck to that thing, anyway?”

“It’s a long story. Short version is that you should never assume someone’s going to kiss you,” Kelly sighs, shaking their head.

“Um... I don’t think I would. I think you’re a little too optimistic for your own good,” Albert comments, then leaves the bathroom.

Kelly sighs again, then closes the door to be alone.

#ttwt #total takes world tour

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cowboylikedean · 10 months

Text

i need to stream of conscious about my year so I'm going to do that under a cut. feel free to ignore... but also feel free to read. i'm going to get more, idk direct and explicit than i have just cause this has always been my diary and i just need a diary right now. for happy reasons, but still

this is long tldr is here

so i'll start with the very very beginning. i had made a "2023 song of the day" playlist and i got 3 days in before i quit. the first song from new years day is "learning how to lose you." i don't know why but I woke up on january first missing the fuck out of my best friend who left me with his abusive ex boyfriend asshole mc'asshole. i remember having a therapy session about it and i asked her why i missed him and she was like "his birthday is in the winter?" but i just missed him....

i was also starting my second semester of grad school. i am now finishing my 4th because summer semester is a full semester. that's how much this year has been.... so i start my first spring semester and fall semester really hurt so i'm like "it has to be better this time" honestly, i'm still floundering a bit, but i'm kinda holding it together, i like the subject of all 3 of my classes so i'm buckled in for a good time.

at the same time i'm like "okay i gotta fix work and make that more sustainable while i'm in school" so i talk to my manager who is super helpful and supportive AND THEN another manager is mean to me and this kinda shapes work drama the whole year

so then that's january and my personal life is fine, it's just.... there because school and work took up so much of my pie i had no space for myself, but i'm trying to do things like puzzles and video games and enjoy myself...

and then kelsea releases rolling up the welcome mat and instantly i'm like MY LOVE literally i made a playlist called whelp. and it's real by lily kincade "don't pretend it wasn't real" and then messy by danielle bradbery which i listened to a lot before he left about how we had fallen into not being friends which lead into the ep "i can't handle another year of you and i just being fine" and like LITERALLY ugh and then it ended with i can't make you love me. and like... for 3 days, this playlist ran my life and i cried so hard

and then in the middle of february, iykyk but asshole mc'asshole and his asshole in crime reach out and they tell me the most amazing news!!!! asshole mc'asshole broke up with my best friend almost a year prior!!!! this is the best thing i've ever heard because i always told myself when they broke up, i'd reach out hopefully to reconnect, but at the very least for closure. asshole mc'asshole sent me a long long message "apologizing" and i read it and responded SOOOO healed sooooooo soosoosososo level and healed and honestly it was SUCH good healing closure to respond to him and i had JUST spoken in therapy about walking a line between trusting too much and being earnest and believing in the good in people and i felt like i walked it sooooo good!!! so that was so nice... but then there's this thing in the back of my mind "oh i need to message him" and i had so much going on with school and work that it just kinda.... became a thing i never had the spoons to do, but i knew i needed to do. which MEANS i had A. LOT. OF. BIG. FEELINGS. all year

so the spring happens and the tour starts... i love eras so much but it's nothing like what i expected. then. the tayjoe breakup happens. oh this breakup hurt my heart. everything taylor wrote about joe felt so special and personal to my own relationship that it was hard not to feel shaken. she's my whole world and like... what the fuck??? i didn't think we were not going to be okay... but it felt... life altering. i couldn't hear my life in the songs on lover as much anymore cause taylor took up all the space. i had to reclaim the songs from her, and that felt... rough.

but then also spring semester... yes... what a time. so 2/3 of my classes were fine 1 was good even... but the other one....... my teacher fucking ghosted us, clearly didn't care. it's the most involved of the three with the most to learn. we all learned fucking nothing. it was disheartening and frustrating because the dept head didn't seem to fucking care. we did our best though and really leaned on each other, for which i'm thankful!!! but then yeah one of my classes was fine and that one wasn't good because my teacher is just not a good teacher. not like the one who ghosted us or this semester's nightmare... but like... not great. she's just not clear and it's exhausting being her student. the other class was awesome because i did mock sessions with my friends and i learned "oh my god, I'm going to be a therapist" like for real.

and so what was holding me through that was eras. missing 4/29 still haunts me. i can't watch or listen to the surprise songs or the cat joke. that was the first night of the phones during marjorie. i should have been there. i wish i'd gone around to the other side of the stadium, because i felt so alone outside. it wasn't great and it hurt real bad. 4/30 was also......... awful. like i'm not going to pretend I had a blastyblast with my bomb ass 4th row ticket because i didn't. i had an awful time and it's because i was clearly too fat and disabled to be down there and everyone around me made sure i knew that. it was awful. only saving graces for that night is that my cousins were there and i got to celebrate with them having seen the same show and also...... asshole mc'asshole messaged me before i left again. this time with more negativity towards my love and best friend. taylor played i bet you think about me on guitar and.......... it was HILARIOUS.

when i got home, i messaged asshole mc'asshole back and told him that I had already given him what he was going to get from me. he said he wasn't trying to get my forgiveness, but he wanted me to understand??? lol and then he went into a bunch of shit about my love and best friend and i'm like "dude, I don't care" so basically, I tell him that and that he's not getting anything else from me or to change my opinion and i don't hear anything else from him

then nashville happens. i end the spring semester in a really disgusting room in a days inn 40 minutes outside of nashville. it's gorgeous. the nashville stadium security was awful and evil, but i had so much fun at these shows because i did ada seating. i learned that concerts are so much more fun when you can see and you don't have to stand. i wish to god i did ada for atlanta, but my views were so good both days i didn't want to lose them. sucker. anyway, eras 2.0 was SOOO much better

meanwhile, taylor and matty are happening. my spring semester ends and literally one week later, summer semester starts. this is a hot mess because i was IN FUCKING NASHVILLE when the spring semester ended and so i was exhausted and coming down from my post concert high while also dealing with the emotional fuckery from asshole mc'asshole. him just like... being the same and proving he didn't mean jack shit of what he said in feb because he really just wanted me to hate my love and best friend just like.... 🙄 anyway so like i start spring semester SOOO done.

i end up getting in fights with random people on tumblr at night when i can't sleep. if you see me do this, know my mental health is in the toilet. i just scroll past it or bitch privately when people say dumb shit if my mental health is good. but the fights like what i was doing with the matty rebound? that's indicative that I Am Going Through It Right Now. i stand by what i said, i always do... but i was not handling annoyance at all of you very well because i was not handling anything well.

so i didn't have time or space to decompress after spring semester OR eras OR asshole mc'asshole before summer semester. during summer semester, my most helpful and useful and productive coworker went on vacation. this was awful because i was left to pick up the pieces. the main boss of our office also went on extended leave. this was a mess because she is the glue that holds our office together. we also got another boss. this was a mess because she is a mess and unprofessional and didn't know what to do.

i have the teacher who ghosted us again, then i have a group therapy class that is a lot of fun, and then i have my first course on career counseling in a very career based program and I HATED IT it was exhausting and triggering constantly being bombarded with career counseling stuff. meanwhile, work is exhausting!!!! there's a promotion opening up i know is there, and i mention it to several people... i keep getting praised at work and every manager (including the one i was on the outs with at the beginning of the year) is so pleased with my work ethic. work ethic, i feel was floundering.

i think it's around this time my caseloads go from being two counselors to two managers. they can see how little work i'm doing for them, but i'm hyping up the work i'm doing elsewhere, so they think i'm still doing a good job. mostly though, i just felt like i was dying. summer semester was hell, my mental health was SOOO bad.

the good witch releases here and in so many of the sad songs, i hear my love and best friend. i hear him in "I know you did bad, but if one more person says I might go mad. the issue is, I know all of this and I-I still want you back" I hear him in "did you hold mine and feel threatened" I hear him in "i fought it but i saw it and it sawed me right in half" and I hear him in "we could live off of magic and maybes" the sad songs and being stuck in this state of "I need to reach out to him, but I don't have the space and spoons" really didn't help my mental health, which was already shit from school.

at the end of summer semester, I had to take basically an entire week off to write papers because I had like 6 papers due the same day and 3 exams and like 4 essays. it was really insane. and you wanna know what??? I DID IT. i did it ALL. and i thought i was going to die. i was really afraid i was actually going to hurt myself. I considered checking myself into a crisis ward several times. i was really afraid. i asked everyone around me if they hated me constantly and had no space for my own emotional regulation. i was literally going off the deep end. i couldn't breathe. but i did it.

i had 2 weeks in between summer and fall. i took a week off work for my birthday and spent that week cleaning my house. cleaning was so important and powerful. the house has stayed mostly clean and not gotten nearly that bad since. i created storage for my puzzles so they weren't all over the floor and i took out the heaps and heaps of trash everywhere. my birthday happened and it was so fun and calm. i went out to get myself a milkshake that night and then got into a car accident.

the next day, i wake up early to get myself to the urgent care and i have a message from my love, my best friend. i hadn't had the spoons to message him yet (and probably wouldn't until december after fall semester when i had more than a week break), but he messaged me. it was gorgeous and beautiful. i loved him always. he tells me he moved back to town. i can't explain the love i felt and i feel. i spoke to him on the phone that day, and i felt my whole heart leave my body. i spent the last day of my vacation with him.

it was amazing. we spent 6 hours together, which then felt like a long time. for reference, we spent 5 hours together today and it felt like it was nothing. that boy is my whole world y'all. but that night is so fun and it felt like we were us again. i got home and i texted him that he better be being truthful and he better be in this because i can't be guarded around him. and this... this is when we take a turn.

after that first day, i was really conflicted and i was talking it out... my beautiful sledge reminds me that once upon a time, i wanted this guy to be my partner. i wanted to be in a committed partnership with him... and all at once, i remember all those feelings i had forgotten. this whole time, i thought i missed him as a friend. but he wasn't my friend. he wasn't my partner then, but he was headed there. we were headed there. he didn't know it, but i did. i knew it two years before he left. i forgot because that last year when he was with asshole mc'asshole was so hard. after a really wild day of back and forth, i decide to give it a real proper go with my love and best friend. we hang out again and it's just as magic.

all the sudden all this time and energy i spent in missing him for 5 years is now just.... spent loving him. it's wild. on september 9, we end up in a restaurant by his house and we spend several hours crying holding hands talking about how much we love each other. he told me he moved here for me and i told him i know i could never stop loving him because i didn't. we're talking fate and its so sweet. we were made for each other gets thrown out. and we were.

the month of september is fraught with anxiety, but not a bad kind of impending doom, but a good kind of impending happiness. i remember so clearly how i wanted to be his partner and i want it more now. every day that passes, we keep one upping the queer between us. we mention it to. I call it queerplatonic on 9/14 and am completely unsure if he has any inkling that i want this to be a partnered queerplatonic and not a queerplatonic friendship. i have no idea if he'd be down for that... but i think he would be. but i don't know for sure, but i'm like.... mostly sure he'd be down for that. i just don't know how to say it and i don't want to say too much too soon.

this debate takes up ALL of my brainspace. i spend all of my time in my room listening to music and thinking about him. wishing i knew how to tell him. practicing conversations in which i do tell him. i'm carefully choosing every word and i'm reading subtext into his text messages, trying to find clues to what he'd say if i told him. it's bad. i'm losing my fucking mind. wHICH MEANS i have no brainspace for school and work.

now by this time, everyone at work knows i'm a little kookoo. not just in general, but about my love. they all see me light up when he texts me and they have all heard me rant about how much i adore him. they have given me advice, some of it solicited and some of it not. a few of them tell me that he's for sure going to be up for partnership, a few of them tell me to just ride it out a while longer, a few of them tell me to be more guarded. they all know about my internal debate and while some of them don't understand it, they're here for me either way. but most of them agree it looks like it's headed there.. and they almost all agree it would be cute.

the talk of the promotion really amps up when my coworker in that role finally transitions to her new role. i ask who is going to take on her responsibilities in the interim. i'm told that most likely me, since i'm the one most likely to get the job. VERY exciting!!! however, as i've stated, my BRAIN IS ELSEWHERE oh it's SO hard to focus. i try though, god knows i try. I almost completely ignore school in the month of September. I try though. I DO!!! ugh, but I get caught up at the beginning of October.

Also at the beginning of October, I use the excuse I was late to work cause i was texting my love and my manager says she's not mad anymore because that's cute. that's like what i mean my coworkers are so in on this.

so october hits, and the vibe shifts. well, it shifts for him. as explained, the vibe shifted for me a long time ago 🙃 but we take a sharp turn, nevertheless. i could write this out with every milestone, but some things are just for us and not relevant to this journaling. the point isn't what specifically happened and when, it's that it happened at all and it happened fast. which is related but... october pre-eras tour movie is slight sharp turn, eras tour movie is a REAL sharp turn. we end up on top of each other on the couch and almost kissing that night.... then by halloween, it's undeniable that this is not a friendship. we're not friends.

november is the month of definition. we do "this is a polyship i'm in with you and sledge" then we do "boyfriend/lovefriend" then we do "i think this is romantic" and then we do.... kissing???? look, i've never enjoyed kissing anyone. so that's just been fucking wild. i tried to play it cool today and want the kisses less, and i can tell y'all... i didn't kiss him enough today. i miss his lips SO BAD and he left 4 hours ago. AND THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT???? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT????? never before in my life.

in the beginning of october, i got caught up with school and then switched to try to get caught up with work... but then when things picked up with my sweetheart, i just couldn't get it together. so i did SOOOOO little work in october and i did even less in november until this last bit here at the end. i also just like........ look, i did the interview for that promotion, which looked like it might not happen. oh god... that was a time. my name didn't come down from HR so me and my manager had to fight for me to get the chance to interview. i don't know what's going on with that and i'm honestly freaked out and afraid to ask. but part of that is that the quality of my work is just...... nonexistent. i wish i was a good employee but right now, i'm barely an employee. well... its better now than it was. in october and november, falling in love and doing the "waIT WAIT WAIT" getting payoff from fucking 7 years ago....... it kinda led to never really being able to do anything else.

so here i am, ending the fall semester having never really been present for it at all. here i am awaiting to see about a promotion i may have fucked up by being less present and responsive the more real it got. here i am with a boyfriend i love with my whole soul, in a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP with someone who i started the year missing to pieces and back. here i am.

this year has been a ride.

#personal #sweetheart #zoe does grad school

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bigmacsg · 2 years

Text

Tour de Bintan 2022

Its the 10th anniversary of TdB. Ive registered 10x and actually raced 9 - missing only 2013 to hit Taiwan KoM.

My actual appearance was touch & go until litterally hours before the race started. Originally i was meant to over on the Thursday, relax & then do the 3 day race. Due to an unexpected board presentation, i had to travel on the friday PM and so missed the TT.

My preparation had been ok. Was feeling solid - if not stellar. The team were flying so I knew we’d get something out of the overall event.

Finally made it over late on Friday. Was pleased to find my hotel (kameula villas) was literally in the finish line of the TT & i had my own private swimming pool! Bargain for the $!

Saturday started with a combined 50s+ peleton of around 70 riders. Jay & myself represented the team as Keichi had to return to SG for work.

The start was a bit nervous so i decided to go on the attack at 10km. I rapidly bridged across to a couple of Anzas out front & we pushed on fir 15km until the first few hills on the red road. Legs felt good!

I sat on for the next 60km watching the group get smaller in the heat. In the near 40 degree temperatures, we were soon down to 30 riders. Noone wanted to ride so i came to the front and kept the speed ticking over for 10km.

Things were looking good - i tried another small break with Rik Oberoi but we were going nowhere without more people. At 115km, a few of us slowed at the drinks station to grab a last bottle, when there was an attack on the hill and we were gapped. Ames, Pete Bennet & a couple matadors chased but we couldn’t close it.

I ended up chipping off with Pete B at 3km to go & then took him in the sprint - finishing 7th overall on the stage.

Allied World won the 30s and 40s stages and had GC lead in both do was a great day. Jay took the sprint in 50s to move to 2nd on GC.

Sunday 2am had a monster storm & I had real doubts there would be a race. It was still raining when I woke but i thankfully decided to suck it up & race.

I started poorly in the wet. Getting dropped in neutral zone as I wanted to shit - resulting in a very early chase back on. To steady things up, i then led the peleton up the first KoM so I could ensure the early pace wasn’t too spicy.

I dropped multiple times in the next 40km as I wasn’t comfortable in the wet corners. I got massively gapped at the first sprint point & it took my 10km of hard chasing to get back on. This was good as it gave me confidence that my legs were good.

I did a few stints on the front & then tried a break after the single track through the woods. Sitting up when I saw noone was coming.

Up the checkpoint Charlie hills, I put in a big dig and got a great gap on the peleton. I miscalculated and thought I only had 2 peaks - only to find there were 3! I cross the kom point and then was joined by a cruising peleton. With 5km to go, we were back to 30 riders.

I somehow ended on the front with 3km to go & was egged on to lead out the sprint. I dragged the group to 600m before the legs gave out. Keiichi won the sprint & i cruised in a few seconds later.

The team won almost every stage & GC we entered so was a very successful event for us. I felt great & had the most fun at TdB in a long time. Really enjoyed the event.

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softer-ua · 3 years

Text

Think about how mad Bakugo is at Deku for his recklessness right now and then be reminded that Bakugo doesn’t even know the half of it, he knows like a maybe 1/4 of it all

Things Bakugo Doesn’t Know

1. Just how insane Dekus training to get 14A was.

Deku was quirkless and deadlifting rusted out dryers with no protection or even consistent supervision, at any point one of the trash piles could have destabilized and fallen on him and cracked his skull open

Deku was at any given moment seconds away from being sliced open by dirty beach trash and dying a slow painful death from god only knows what diseases(tetanus, hiv, flesh eating bacteria, staphylococcus to name a few)

Deku over did said training to the point of collapse and was just lucky the 2 times it happened All Might was with him

Deku spent several months meeting up with a man HE DID NOT KNOW, AFTER DARK, ALONE, AND NOT EXPECT HOME FOR HOURS. All Might could have been a more villainous Twice and kidnapped him with the perfect alibi to have a head start fleeing the gd country, Deku could have been flown to Siberia before his absence was noticed!

2. How Deku shattered his limbs in the entrance exam to save Uraraka

Bakugo hadn’t heard about it before school started and Iida never finished explaining the rumor during their first class and then it was old news so 🤷🏻‍♀️

3. Literally anything about the Stain incident

Doesn’t know he was attacked on a train while interning and used it as an excuse to go do vigilante shit

Bakugo like everyone thinks that Deku, Iida, and Todo just happened to be working near each other, got attacked, and then saved by Endeavor

He hasn’t a single clue that a Nomu actually plucked Deku up and got airborne with him, and than he was saved by Stain

The government covered up their crime because they all had class privilege (Deku by proxy to AM) and it almost didn’t work because Todo said fuck 12, called the chief of police a slur, and then tried to fight him💀

4. The Fight Against Muscular

Deku just showed up looking like he’d been tap danced on by an 18 wheeler, no one was really aware that he was yet again fighting a serial hero killer

5. That Deku was dressed like even more of a douché bag when he rescued him from LOV

His life wasn’t in danger because of it, but the fact that Bakugo missed out on the goatee and sunglasses at night is a tragedy imo

6. Inko didn’t want him coming back to UA and All Might and Deku AGREED TO IT

Bruh DvK2 almost didn’t happen, like Bakugo was so close to coming back to school and moving into the dorms only to find out DEKU AND ALL MIGHT ARE OUT DOING HERO SCHOOL CAMPUS TOURS AND HAVE LEFT HIM BEHIND TO ROT IN AN OCEAN OF GUILT 💀💀💀

Deku could have gone to any other school he wanted, like other schools would be frothing at the mouth bending over backwards to get the kid with ALL MIGHTS PERSONAL RECOMMENDATION

Bakugo was gonna be left with no closure while his rival and idol have 5 start dinners and get schmoozed by deans all over the world, and he’d probably only find out about it from his mom like a month later after she chatted with Inko. I mean Aizawa isn’t gonna drop any details, it’d just be “they won’t be joining us in todays exercise, or any following days, anyway moving on”

7. Deku meeting toga during the licensing exam

Deku doesn’t know it either but he does know something was up with that girl, Kacchan knows that Sero found Deku hiding behind some rocks with a naked lady … it’s only life threatening if Kacchans jealousy circle back to this memory someday

8. Dekus work study with Sir Night details

Deku met a yakuza leader and almost brawled him in the streets, and no one knows it except for Mirio

Deku was interning under All Mights old sidekick and I don’t think Kacchan had the time to really process that

All Mights old sidekick didn’t like Deku, I think it’d be interesting to have seen Katsuki struggle with that. Because until recent chapters with Dekus return to UA there hasn’t been any scene where Katsuki bares witness to anyone other than him talk shit about Deku

Deku went head to head with a Frankenstein on super solder serum eugenics enthusiast yakuza leader solo and won

Deku went nuclear and destroyed his body countless times to keep up with being constantly rewound

Deku offered to give away 14A to Mirio

Deku stole his dead mentors poster

9. Deku beat up a YouTuber before 9am

Deku is unsupervised for 1 minute and hops on the trend of beating down on a tea loving bargain bin Stain, while breaking in a new support item he got 15 minutes prior

10. Aoyama is making moves and trying to shoot his shot

Bakugo was so preoccupied with his remedial class that someone else was able to take his vacant spot of lurking around after Deku

And they brought snacks arranged into love notes. Frankly the fact that Deku even remembered who Kacchan was after that display really proves how loyal he is, or Deku knows just how good a cook Bakugo is and is willing to play the long game

I’ll stop there cause Bakugo invites himself to the 14A meetings and starts training with Deku, and just glues himself to Deku in general so he doesn’t miss much else until the telenovela level drama at the hospital and everything after it till now

So ya Bakugo only vaguely knows about the reckless fights Deku has gotten into with permission, all the un-cosigned stuff? Completely in the dark.

Anything dangerous Deku’s done that didn’t break a law? Bakugo doesn’t even know that there’s anything to know, like the first time Deku got attacked by the sludge villain or how his bone shattering was purely just AM being a shit teacher with too much baggage to call his old mentor for help

At this point it’s probably best health wise that Bakugo never finds out about it all 😅

#bnha #boku no hero #my hero academia #mha #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugou katsuki #kacchan #deku #izuku midoriya #all might #allmight #yagi toshinori #stain mha #mha chisaki #Eri #eri mha #You could fill a book with things Bakugo doesn’t know so Horikoshi did it several times over📚

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pink-ikeu · 2 years

Text

shout out

(✧) pairing: sim jake x gn!reader (✧) genre: angst?? some fluff? (✧) wc: 2k (✧) synopsis: you regrettably break up with jake before his promotions for M:D1 begin. in support of the rest of the members, you go to their last concert before they leave for the rest of their world tour but are left shocked in the crowd by shout out, which jake has written for you.

a/n: hey guys!! this is my first fic so im sorry if its all over the place/messy... please go easy on me :D i hope you enjoy, if theres anything wrong with it or you have suggestions or requests even, literally anything, please lmk!! <3

You and Jake walked side by side, but it was as if there was an unspoken agreement to avoid eye contact with each other. Humidity and unsettlement suffocated the air around you – he knew what was coming. Jake walked with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his thumbs twiddling around in nervousness. Meanwhile, you were racking your brain on how best not to shatter his heart, which he willingly gave to you. In this moment, the power was seemingly in your hands. But the truth is, Jake had you completely wrapped around his finger. Every thought of him made your knees weak. He was the way you wanted to start and end each day. Never before have you felt a love so easy, so kind. How do you tell someone you love that you can’t be together because you couldn’t bear being apart from them? Is there even a set of words that could express the agony you were feeling in this moment? You were beyond proud of him for getting to go on his first tour, but it would be too much for you to not see him for so long. It was a double-edged sword. Even if you stayed together, you knew it would hurt you two in the long run. So ending things now felt like the best option.

“Y/n..” Jake broke the silence before you could, as if he knew you had finally mustered up the courage to say something. “Jake. I don’t think I love you anymore.” You said before he could finish his sentence.

Fuck. Why did I say that?

You turned to face him. Maintaining this distance from him was difficult considering that when you were around him, you felt pulled to him like magnet meeting metal. For the first time tonight, you met his eyes. He still had his usual puppy-like gaze, but instead of glistening with cheerfulness, it was pleading to you to take back what you said. You wanted so badly to break eye contact, but you had already gone too deep. So you stared at him with cold eyes, concealing the sorrow and regret you were truly feeling.

“W-what..?” Jake was paralyzed by those seven words.

“I’ve been feeling this way for a while. I don’t know when or how it happened. Something about us just shifted.” This is good, y/n. You thought to yourself. Just keep it vague. “All I know is that we don’t work anymore. And I don’t see myself being able to put in the effort to make it work.” Ouch.

Those words felt like daggers stabbing into Jake’s heart. He felt like throwing up. Was it something I did? He thought to himself. He combed through his memory, trying to find where it could’ve gone wrong.

“Don’t you think you owe me an explanation?” Jake didn’t even try to hide the desperation in his voice. “It’s been a year and a half and suddenly you’ve fallen out of love with me? Y/n. Be honest with me. With yourself. Is this about me going on tour?” Jeez, he knows me so well. He grabbed your hands, you could feel his grip tighten as if to stop you from slipping away. “Y/n we still have time before I leave. I have weeks of promotions and practice and-”

“Some things don’t have an explanation.” You slightly raised your voice. He instantly dropped your hands, shocked at your tone. “I- I’m sorry, Jake. Thank you for the past year, but I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

With that, you walked away, leaving him to process a conversation that felt like both 3 seconds and 3 years. You wanted so badly to turn back, no, run back to him and take back everything you said. But you knew Jake knew the truth. You knew that he was more hurt by the fact that you lied straight to his face. And you couldn’t bear to see him shed tears that you caused. You remind yourself that this is for the better. His promotions are starting soon. He’ll be busier than ever. It’s best to start learning how to live without him sooner than later. Right?

Time had passed and you had lost all contact with Jake completely.

It had been a difficult and exhausting two months for the two of you. School kept you busy and had you up late. Jake especially felt empty and even more tired after rehearsals without your support. The thought of not hearing your voice everyday was enough to keep him stuck in bed on his off days.

You were convinced that you were over him. Sure, he slipped in your mind every so often, but that’s only natural. You had any reminders of him blocked. Twitter, Instagram, iMessage, WeVerse. You name it. Out of sight, out of mind. You hadn’t even talked to any of the other members even though you missed the rest of them dearly. Sunoo, Jay and Riki especially reached out to you, but you owed it to yourself to cut any reminders of Jake out of your life.

However, today especially, the three of them had been blowing up your phone. You finally gave in and answered.

You huffed into the phone. “Hello?”

“Y/NNNN!!!!!” Riki screamed into the phone. “Wait y/n answered? Oh my! She answered. Jay, Y/n answered! Speaker, Riki. Speaker!!!” You heard Sunoo exclaiming in the background calling out to Jay, who had also been trying to reach you.

“Hey guys.” You let out a small laugh. “What’s up?”

“Okay. Just hear us out, okay? It’s our last concert in Korea before we leave for the rest of our tour. Please come, y/n, please, pleaseeeeee.” Riki begged.

“Yeah Y/n you better come. I know you and Jake broke up but what does that have to do with us?” Jay took the phone out of Riki’s hand and yelled at you through the phone.

“Please y/n, we miss you.” Sunoo added.

You chuckled. “I miss you guys too. And I’m sorry about not reaching out to you guys. But I’m really busy these days. And wouldn’t you think it’d be inappropriate to go to my ex-boyfriend’s concer-”

“YADA YADA YADA EXCUSES.” You’re cut off by the three of them yelling into the phone.

“BLAH BLAH BLAH” You hear Riki yelling.

“Guys. I’m serious-” You say.

“Nope” Riki says.

“But I-”

“Nope, nope, nope.” Riki says. “We’ll text you the tickets, kay? See you there Y/n”

“BYEEEE Y/N!!!!” You hear Sunoo exclaim in the back.

“Riki no!-” You get cut off once again by the sound of the call ending. You sigh, but a smile creeps up to your lips. How you missed them.

I mean, I’m over Jake. I shouldn’t let one person dictate my relationship with the rest of them, should I? They are my close friends after all. You think to yourself. You look down at your phone and are greeted by two notifications from Jay.

“Here’s the ticket, y/n.” It reads.

And in a separate text:

“By the way, don’t worry about Jake. He’s fine! Come if you’re comfortable but we’d really like you there. Besides, he won’t be able to see you in the crowd. Xx”

You smiled at Jay’s sincerity. Fine. I guess I’ll go.

The crowd was bustling with fans. You make your way through the crowd and find your seat. Once you situate yourself, the lights dim and “MANIFESTO: DAY 1” is spelled out on a screen in big letters….

You have to admit, the concert was pretty fun. You watched as the members sang and danced and ran around on stage. Riki found you in the crowd and you watched as his face lit up with excitement. He got Jay’s attention and he sent you a sweet smile from the stage. You could see that they truly were passionate about what they did, and were totally in their element. Jake especially. He looks so happy. I’m glad. You thought to yourself. And you truly did mean it. You could never wish anything bad upon Jake. All you could ever ask was that Jake was happy. He doesn’t deserve anything less. And Jake was happy. Despite not being with Y/n, he knew that this was something he worked so hard for. He also knew that wherever Y/n was, you were proud of him.

You felt your heartbeat quicken each time the choreography had Jake in the center. Even when the formation had switched and he was in the back, you felt your gaze linger on him for just a few seconds longer. You practically knew their songs and choreography like the back of your hand. How could you not? You spent countless days and nights helping Jake with his vocals or facial expressions. The only songs you were unfamiliar with were their new songs from their most recent comeback. Jake was everywhere because of their latest comeback so you had avoided it completely.

Suddenly, the atmosphere of the concert had shifted. The lights stopped flashing and instead a single spotlight lit up the members. The crowd roared as the seven of them caught their breath and sent heart gestures to their fans.

Jungwon took a step in front of the members and began to introduce their final song, “As you all know, we played a major role in preparing for this album.”

“Yup, some of us helped with the album designs, the choreo, and Jake even got to write some lyrics!” Riki said.

The crowd screamed, chanting Jake’s name. You stood, a little confused. Again, you had no idea what their new songs were.

“Jake, why don’t you introduce the song?” Jay nudged him forward.

“Uh, haha, well.. This song, um this song…” Jake stuttered as he struggled to find the right words to say. He’s nervous, you thought to yourself. “When you hear this song, I hope that you think of a special someone. It could be us… your best friend, your significant other… anyone. Someone who makes you feel like you can take on the world when you’re together. Sing this last one as loud as you can.” He smiled.

A band of guitars and percussion followed Jake’s little spiel. The members scatter around the stage interacting with their fans as Heeseung begins to sing. It was a song you had yet to hear, but you already felt the rock-like melody tugging at your heartstrings. There was no choreography, the members were able to freely move around the stage.

Suddenly, the beat of the song slowed, and all eyes were fixed on Jake as he began to sing the bridge. Jake sang with his eyes closed, gripping tightly onto his mic. You watched as he poured every emotion he was feeling into the lyrics he worked so hard on. Everyone around you seemed to know the words. They swayed their arms to the melody, but you couldn’t help but stay still. Sunghoon took over for the next part of the bridge, and Jake opened his eyes, only to see you staring longingly at him in the crowd. He felt his heart stop as he met your gaze. Suddenly, a crowd full of tens of thousands of people tripled down to just you two. It was once again his turn to sing, and he began to walk forward, as if he was singing to you, and only you.

“Stay, stay, stay you make it better,” the crowd jumped as the beat dropped. “My life without you is a misery.” Jake sang, his eyes fixed on you. He couldn’t even finish the last line — thankfully the crowd filled in what would’ve been an instrumental of guitar and drums. The mere sight of you in the crowd had taken his breath away. At this moment in time, language felt foreign to him.

You felt a lump form in your throat, and your eyes became glassy with tears. Jake wrote those lyrics about you. No. For you. But you realized it was too late. You knew he wasn’t gone forever. But, that’s the part that hurt the most. The two of you knew that deep down you still loved each other. And yet, a few words left unsaid cost you the best thing you’ve ever known.

But maybe some things are better left unsaid, like goodbye. Perhaps not saying goodbye is closure enough… Or perhaps not saying goodbye leaves a possibility of a future for you and Jake.

#enhypen #enha jake #enhypen jaeyun #enhypen jake #sim jake #sim jaeyun #enhypen fic #engene #jake sim #jake fanfic #jake angst #enhypen jay #enhypen riki #enhypen sunoo

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newtonsheffield · 3 years

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Molly literally one of your best works - so gooooddddd

Speaking of, can we see how Kate tell him about bb Ed and how he is after she has to leave for a tour right after they’ve just found out.

Is he holding a water bottle for her backstage? Shoving people away so that she can get breathing space?? Aaah tell me moreeeee

The idea just got... stuck in my head I guess!

Oh lil BB Edmund, So I think Kate's probably just released her second studio album, and the world tour's about to start, and Kate probably thought she was really tired from the stress, the rehearsals taking their toll etc. But No that's not what happened.

"Anthony, I am absolutely fucking not wearing that." Kate sighed, looking at her husband. And truly, in times like this she wondered what it had been about him that made her fall in love with him in the first place.

He was standing in their London home (which still sounded terribly WASPish to Kate no matter how many times she heard it) holding up what appeared to be a hula hoop with shoulder straps.

He huffed, "Well, you have to do something! I don't want people getting too close to you, god knows what they'll have that could be bad for the baby! Some sort of plague probably!"

And there it was.

He'd been so irrational since she'd told him. Happiness, and excitement, and love bubbling out of him tempered with a primal sort of need he seemed to have to wrap everyone he loved in cotton wool and protect them from the world. And it was beautiful, it really was, the fact that he was so ready to be a Dad already but it was a little inconvenient given her tour started in three days.

She hadn't even realised at first. She and Anthony had agreed, since they got married, they weren't trying for a baby, but they weren't not trying either. This was a good time really, she could tour now and write another album when the baby was small, delay it a little and the tour would be after that. This was good. Except she'd misread all the signs. She'd misread the aching tiredness and nausea for nerves and stress and the fact Anthony wasn't due down for another week until she'd been sitting on her mother's sofa, three slices into a lemon meringue pie, starting on a fourth and Edwina had said,

"Jesus christ, if I didn't know better I'd say you were pregnant."

Kate had frozen, her eyes darting between Mary and Edwina both looking a little perplexed as she swallowed "What did you say?"

Mary had rolled her eyes, hissing, "Edwina, I told you not to ask! You get your tactlessness from your father. It's a wonder you've ever had a girlfriend."

Edwina had opened her mouth to respond indignantly, but Kate had cut her off. "You think I'm pregnant?"

Edwina had rolled her eyes, "Well aren't you?"

And suddenly it had all clicked into place. She'd dropped her fork on the table in surprise, "Fuck!"

"Well, I guess I'm going to get a pregnancy test." Edwina had sighed, standing from the table, and 30 minutes later Kate had been looking at four positive tests.

She was laying on the Sofa, Anthony had been in London for a few hours at most when she'd nudged him to sit up, tugging his head from her chest where he'd been laying against her like a tiny puppy.

"I wrote a new song." She'd said gently, reaching for her guitar nearby, her cheeks burning while Anthony looked curiously at her.

She'd started singing, the soft, lilting melody, the story of a little mouse come to the city for a few days, the details correct right down to the boots he'd been wearing, and when she finished Anthony was looking at her s curiously.

"What do you think?"

He looked a little confused, "You sound amazing, like always, and I' desperately flattered, but it sounds like a nursery rhyme."

She'd taken a deep breath, intertwining their fingers before she said, "Well, I want the baby to know how we met."

His mouth had dropped open, staring at her, tears in his eyes as he struggled for words, "We're- I'm gonna... you're gonna be a Mum?"

She'd nodded gently, her fingers in his hair "You're gonna be a Dad."

And three seconds later he'd let out the most childlike whoop of excitement and spun her around the room.

And now this.

Kate sighed, taking off her glasses, "Anthony, I get that you want to protect me, and the baby and that's beautiful, I'm so so glad you love us that much. But this is insane, mousey."

His brow had furrowed, staring down at his contraption for a long moment, before he'd sighed, "This is ludicrous isn't it?"

"Yes, babe. It looks like something a serial killer would make."

He flopped onto the sofa beside her, his creation abandoned, chin on her shoulder. "I guess I'll just talk to your security. But I just... I love you, okay?"

"I love you too." it felt warm and safe in her chest just like always, his hand resting on her flat stomach.

"I am going to look after you though, you know that right?" His voice was serious, brow furrowed, nd it burned against her.

"I would expect nothing less."

And he did. Anthony loitered in the wings every night, like the world's most dedicated body man, ladened down with water and snacks and a fan for when she got too warm, love pouring out of him as he stuck to her side while they walked through crowds and something about it made her love him so much more.

And so, when she stood in Wembley, finishing the tour right where it began a few months earlier she said

"You know, I met my husband outside a seedy pub in Brixton, where maybe 60 people came out to see me. I stole two cigarettes from him (smoking is bad by the way kids, don't do it) and he stole something a little more precious from me. So in honour of that, and the biggest crowd that I've ever played in front of: This one's for you Country Mouse and for our baby mouse as well."

And she was sure, the crowd barely heard the start of Foundations of the screaming, but she was only looking at Anthony.

#a kink in your step #kathony #anthony x kate #anthony bridgerton #kate sharma #kate sheffield #molly's asks and answers

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itsallyscorner · 4 years

Note

request:

maybe like a part 2 where the reader was a singer!

but maybe like everyone in the marvel cast goes to the sweetener world tour to suprised them n congratulate them?

Thank you for the request, hun! I appreciate you for reading my other stuff and suggesting a part 2! Now that I think about it, I might make the whole singer thing into its own series of imagines and headcanons! Just a thought🥰 Happy reading!❤️

A/n: I’ve never been to an Ari concert, so I don’t know the set list, but enjoy my loves❤️

💌.

Sweetener

(She’s so pretty ugh)

You looked at yourself in the mirror. You leaned forward making sure your makeup was all good and to check if your lipstick has smeared onto your face.

“Everything good, hun?” Your makeup artist, Perrie, chirped from behind you. You took a step back, getting one more look.

“Yes Ma’am.” You turned to her and she was holding up the familiar bottle of setting spray.

“One more spray for good measure.” She motioned for you to close your eyes and you did. You breathed in through your nose as you felt the vibrations of the arena. The mix of the music playing out on stage mixed with the cheering of your fans added to your adrenaline.

The tour was finally at Inglewood, California, the last stop of the Sweetener World Tour. You had been traveling around the world for the past 10 months, performing every night in a different country or state. As tiring as it sounded, you absolutely loved the experience. Not only were you traveling and seeing new places, you were meeting your fans from different countries and doing what you loved. After 101 shows and 3 tour legs, it was finally coming to an end. The ending of tour was always bittersweet. You’ve been traveling with multiple people and crew who have grown to be another family. You were going to miss them so much but it was time for you to go back home to your real family. Not only have you missed your parents and siblings, but you also needed the rest. 10 months of nonstop traveling definitely took a toll on you. But nonetheless, it was all worth it.

“All done!” You opened your eyes to see Perrie smiling at you.

“Thank you so much!” You pulled her into a hug as your eyes began to water. You groaned playfully and tilted your head back.

“I’m gonna miss you doing my makeup everyday. Ugh, I haven’t even gone out on stage yet and I’m crying already.” You laughed through tears as Perrie began to protest.

“(Y/n), I swear if you mess up your makeup, you’re never going to hear the end of it. Cry later!” She laughed as she tried to get you to stop the tears from falling.

She gripped onto your arms and yelled, “NO TEARS LEFT TO CRY REMEMBER?” You bursted out laughing at her reference. You waved your hands at your eyes and when they finally felt normal, you looked straight.

“Okok, I think I’m good.” You released a breath as you smiled sweetly at her, “I love you!” You giggled pulling her into another hug.

“I love you too, darling. Have fun out there, you’re going to do amazing like always.” She squeezed you tight before letting you go. Victoria, one of your dancers and friend, peaked her head into the room.

“You ready? They’re waiting for you in the circle.” She informed you holding a hand out. The circle was like a pre-show ritual you had backstage with all the dancers and crew. You took her hand as you all walked out the makeup room. Your heels clicked against the floors, echoing in the hallway. The closer you got to the stage the louder the fans got and the stronger the vibrations got.

The circle was already gathered with all the dancers and crew. When Scott, another one of your dancers and friend, noticed you he began to cheer. Everyone followed along as you entered the circle. You were tucked in between Scott and Brian, who were twins. The two have been your dancers since the beginning and still are how many years later. You were truly grateful for them and everyone who was included in your Sweetener family.

“Damn. Last show ya’ll!” You began causing them to all cheer. You waited till they quieted down, shyly laughing, before continuing.

“Um, I don’t wanna get all emotional and shit right before going on stage. I’m gonna look like a mess out there with my mascara running down my face. Perrie I’m sorry!” You laughed. “I just wanna say, thank you to every single one of y’all. You guys have been the most fucking amazing people to work with. You guys have been working day and night to make the show as spectacular as it is and I love you all so much. You guys are my family and I can’t wait to write another album so I can tour with y’all again. I just want to hug every single one of you, you guys mean so much to me. Like literally, from the bottom of my heart I love all of you so much. I know I’ve said that like multiple times, but I really mean it. Y’all are gonna get a fatass check after this.” You finished making everyone laughing again. By now a few tears have made its way down your face. You even saw a few people’s eyes well up.

You laughed as you heard a chorus of “I love yous” as everyone squeezed in for a group hug.

“Alright! That’s enough crying, let’s get this show on the road!” You cheered to help everyone from crying. Everyone moved out the circle and got into places.

Before you can get in place, Perrie pulled you aside to fix up your makeup. Your stylists began smoothing out your skirt and making sure your knee high boots were securely on. Next was to get your earpiece on while one of the stage hands gave you your mic. From backstage you could hear the intro to the concert playing causing the fans to scream louder.

You got into place as you got the signal to start singing. You sang the opening lyrics of Raindrops (An Angel Cried) and began to smile as your fans sang along.

The platform began to move up when you finished and the beat of God Is A Woman began to play. You were now on the stage, the sea of white lights looking back at you. The adrenaline was still running through your veins. You performed the song, acing every move of the dance you’ve learned 10 months ago.

When the last note of God Is A Woman played, all the lights turned off except for the red lights on the stage.

“INGLEWOOD!” You yelled into your mic, your fans cheering even louder than before. You shared an excited smile with Brian.

“Welcome to the Sweetener World Tour!” And with that the opening notes of Bad Idea began to play, the show finally kicking off.

You were in the middle of singing R.E.M which was part of Act 2 of the concert. You moved towards the pit to see familiar faces beaming up at you.

“Boy, you’re such a drea— oh my god!” You squealed as you saw the pit full of your Marvel cast mates. You saw all the Chris’, both of the Tom’s, Robert, Scarlett, Elizabeth, almost everyone you’ve worked with in Marvel was there. You got down to your knees to touch their outstretched hands.

The fans screamed as the camera from stage panned down to the pit where all the actors were. You took the mic away from your mouth and leaned down to them.

“What are you guys doing here?” You asked them through the loud arena.

Scarlett, Brie, and Lizzie were the nearest to the stage.

“We’re here to surprise you! It’s your last show and we wanted to be here for it!” Scarlett yelled over the track that was playing.

“We’ll catch up later, keep going!” Lizzie urged you to continue the concert with a toothy grin.

You held onto Brie’s hand as you sang to them, “Inglewood let me hear ya’ll! Excuse me um...”

“I LOVE YOU!” The fans sang back to you, including your cast mates. You dusted your knees off and continued to walk around the ramp. Before you could leave, you sent an excited wave to Brie and the rest of them.

~After the show~

You hopped off the platform that brought you down from the stage and were greeted by a bunch of congratulations and cheering. You and your dancers shared another group hug.

“(Y/N)!” You heard a familiar voice yell. You follow the voice and see Anthony waving at you with his infamous grin. He was accompanied by the rest of the cast behind him. You run towards them and jump into Anthony’s outstretched arms.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sweaty, but I’m so happy to see all of you!” You wrapped your arms around Anthony’s neck as he spun the two of you around. He let you go and you were suddenly being pulled into hugs by everyone.

When you got to Robert, a proud smile was on his face as he cradled your face, “Sweetheart, that was amazing. You’ve outdone yourself.” He pressed a fatherly kiss to your forehead and pulled you into a hug.

“Thank you.” You laughed, your eyes welling up with tears once again. Next was Chris (E) who playfully shoved Robert.

“Stop it, you’re hogging her! Let me hug (y/n)!” He childishly whined. He gasped when he saw your eyes watering.

“And you made her cry! C’mere.” His arms enveloped around you as he hugged you tightly.

In your ear his whispered, “You absolutely killed it.”

You thank him and move on to Scarlett who already had her arms out for you, “Surprise!”

“This was your idea?” You asked her as she hugged you. A cheeky grin quirked on her lips.

“Maybe” she teased dragging the ‘e’. You hugged her again as she laughed into your shoulder.

“Thank you, Scar. This means so much.”

“It’s not a problem, honey. We just wanted to see you together while you did your thing up on stage.”

You were now full on crying through a smile as your Marvel family showed you mass amounts of love. You stumbled into Tom (Holland) who instantly grabbed you into a bear hug. Tom’s actually seen your show in London with his friends and brothers, so this was his second time seeing you perform.

“You know what’s so crazy?” He asked you leaning down to your ear so you can hear him.

“What?”

“It’s literally just as great as it was in London. Like everything looks the same, you sound exactly the same, everything! The show was fantastic!” He looked at you with wide eyes with so much amazement on his face.

You laughed at him and patted his shoulder, “Thank you, Tom.”

Suddenly there was a commotion a few feet away from you. You saw Robert standing on one of the cases your crew used to store equipment in.

“ATTENTION EVERYONE!” When everyone backstage was looking at him Robert sent them a sweet smile and was handed a megaphone.

“Alright, so I gotta say, (y/n), you definitely know how to throw a show. Everyone who was part of this tour, your hard work pays off because that show was the most fun I’ve had in a while! (Y/n), you keep surprising us everyday with your talent and I hope you get to do more of what you love in the future. As my way of thanking you all for throwing such an amazing night, I want to take out every single one of you for dinner! I just rented out a whole restaurant just for all of us and I hope to see all of you there!” Robert said into the megaphone. A round of cheers and claps were heard from everyone at the announcement. As everyone began to file out, you were being called to get out of your costume.

Before you can turn to leave you hugged Robert and looked at all your cast mates who showed up for the night.

“Thank you guys for being here, it really means a lot.” You sniffled, wiping a tear from your face.

“And you, I can’t believe you rented out a restaurant for my crew, thank you Robert.” The older man just waves you off as he slung his arm around your shoulder.

“Not a problem, sweetheart. We wanted to be here and we are all so proud of you, you’ve come a long way, (y/n).” He gave your shoulders a squeeze.

“Now run along now, you still need to get changed and I’m starving. Go.” He teasingly turned you towards your stylists. You rolled your eyes as you waved at all of them.

“We’ll see you at the restaurant!” You heard Brie yell after you. You quickly turn back, “OK, I LOVE YOU!”

The further you got you heard Evans scream, “I LOVE YOU TOO!” You turned down the hall, your laugh echoing against its walls.

That was definitely one way to end a tour.

#marvel #mcu #avengers #chris evans #chris evans x reader #marvel cast x teen!reader #marvel cast x reader #robert downey jr x reader #Scarlett Johansson x reader #anthony mackie x reader #brie larson x reader #elizabeth olsen x reader #Brie Larson #Scarlett Johansson #anthony mackie #robert downey jr #ally’s requests

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watchmegetobsessed · 4 years

Text

Never Have I Ever - Harry Styles (part 7)

a/n: aaand part 7 is finally here! however i want to warn yall that we are nearing the end of NHIE, im planning on having one more part and i don’t think it’ll be any longer, so enjoy while it lasts! lmao as always, feedback is very much appreciated!

pairing: Harry x actress!reader

word count: 5.7k

warning: some slight violence? it’s the good kind, you’ll see lmao

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Sitting in your trailer you stare down at your phone longingly, rereading Harry’s last text.

“Miss you, hope everything is alright. Facetime when you’re free?”

You hate how your chest is aching at such a small and sweet thing. If you had the chance, you’d run into Harry’s arms without a second thought, but you are stuck in Atlanta while he is currently back in LA, feeling farther away than ever, in every sense.

It’s been three weeks since you left the city and parted ways with Harry. You hated it. You absolutely hated how he was looking at you and how you was about to cry in his fucking Range Rover as he was dropping you off at the airport. You tried to make it quick so you don’t get too caught up in the moment, but the moment he kissed you, it was over for you. For a split second you were ready to cancel on the whole movie and just stick with the plans you made before you got the role, but that wasn’t really an option.

Since that day, Harry has been very respectful of your will to keep some distance, he always checks in before trying to call to make sure you have time, he doesn’t text you about the most random things like he used to, maybe because you both are so busy, you basically live on set while he has left for his tour exactly a week ago, and you can tell he is trying his best to never even mention Levi.

The news that you’d have to work with your ex came as a punch in your stomach. Taiki contacted you himself to talk to you about his choice to include Levi in the movie. He has informed you that they all agreed on him at the end of the casting process, but he wanted to make sure it’s okay by you as well. What would have you said? You wouldn’t just start off a project with getting someone out of the movie before filming even started. You had no choice but to suck it up and say that it’s all fine.

Now you are stuck to see him almost every day and spend your free time with him as well since he is always the first one to show up when a little group of the cast is out and about. He has always been such a social butterfly, though now you wish he would just lock himself up in his hotel room and not show up until he is needed on set.

Levi has been trying. He’s been pushing on your nerves, always coming up to chit-chat, like there’s nothing weird or absurd about the situation, but there’s plenty. Seeing that the last time you two saw each other you threw a book at him and he threatened you to sue you if you dare to even say his name ever again. Your breakup was the definition of nasty while the rest of the world just noticed a quiet and uneventful parting, photos disappearing from Instagram and awkward smiles whenever either of you were asked about the other.

While you are all about being civil and professional, what he has been doing feels like he is trying to get under your skin, testing your patience with him, which is starting to run short.

For an outsider he is acting perfectly fine, even human towards you, but you know him all too well, you know all his little tricks and moves because you used to be an expert on the topic of Levi Hudson.

Huffing to yourself you get back to the text and type a quick reply.

“Still on set, I have two more scenes to film. Will text you when I’m back at the hotel xx”

You wish you could call him right away, you wish he was here with you and you wish you didn’t have to go back to set and face Levi once again. You really thought you’d get entirely consumed by work once filming starts and run short on time and energy to even think about Harry, but it hasn’t been the case. He is all you can think about, you always catch yourself wondering what he is doing, how his day has been or if he is thinking about you too. You cling onto your phone the moment they yell Cut! and frantically check if he has texted you. It’s taking a toll on you and you can only hope you’ll last until the movie is wrapped and you can finally join him on tour, just like you planned.

“Hey there,” Maya steps out of her own trailer when you turn the corner and she catches up with you quickly. “Wha’s up?”

“Just plotting how I can leave early,” you huff, making her laugh. You’ve become the closest to her, you right away bonded when you met at the table read and she caught you grimacing behind Levi’s back when you thought no one was looking. She came up and simply told you she doesn’t like him for literal no reason, he just has a punchable face and an alliance was formed right then and there.

“Oh Honey, let me know when you figured it out,” she chuckles, circling an arm around your shoulders as you both make your way to the set laughing.

Trying your best, you focus fully on the job on hand so you can leave as soon as possible, call Harry and go to bed. Today has been way longer than you would have liked and you just need to get away from set, despite how much you enjoy filming in general. Sometime during the taping Harry texts you that he is free whenever you are and will be waiting for your call and it just makes you even keener on leaving.

When filming is finally finished, you find yourself storm out faster than ever, already ringing up Harry as you are walking back towards your trailer. When he answers the call, his smiley face fills the screen and you feel your heart flutter in your chest.

“Hey! Done for the day?” he asks, seemingly eating something as he talks.

“Luckily,” you breathe out. “What are you eating?”

A blush appears on his pixelated face as he glances down and grabs his bowl, showing it into the camera. He is eating your pesto pasta recipe.

“I had a strong craving for it,” he shyly tells. “It’s not as good as yours though.”

“There’s nothing to do different about it, H,” you chuckle.

“I know, but it’s different when you make it,” he smiles and his words warm your chest. Just as you are about to tease him about being so corny, you hear your name being called out. Turning around you see Levi jogging towards you.

“Here we fucking go,” you mumble, not ending the call with Harry who is a little confused about the situation since he can’t see the intruder in your conversation.

“Are you heading back to the hotel?” he asks, catching up with you.

“Yeah, I wasn’t planning on sleeping in my trailer,” you answer with a frown.

“Wanna share a car?”

“Why would I?” you simply ask.

“What’s with the attitude, Y/N?” he scoffs as if he was an angel and deserved all the respect on earth.

“Why do you keep coming up to me?”

“Because I’m trying to be nice!” he snaps, but it’s all for the wrong reason. You don’t buy this shit, nice is the last thing he is trying to be and you know that for sure.

“No, you keep getting on my nerves and you know that! We don’t have to interact outside of set and I want to keep it that way, Levi!”

“Now you are being a bitch, Y/N.”

“Excuse you?” Harry’s voice is coming from your phone’s speaker and you suddenly realize that he is still there, listening to the conversation. You glance down at the screen and see his now angry expression on it.

“Who’s that?” Levi nods towards the phone with a frown, but then realization must hit him. “Is that Harry Styles you’re talking to?”

“None of your fucking business, Levi. And leave me the fuck alone.” Turning around you start marching back to your trailer that’s now so close, but once again, his voice stops you.

“You’re making a fool out of yourself, Y/N!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” you snap back at him, one hand already on the door handle of your trailer, the other one holding your phone.

“If you think he wants more than just a good fuck and some publicity out of you, you’re delusional.”

“Fuck you, Levi!” you flip him off before walking into the trailer and shutting the door behind you.

With your back against the door you close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, fighting with yourself not to go back out and kick him in the stomach. This is how it has been, he starts acting all nice, pretending like he is the good buy, but when he doesn’t get the reaction he wants, he is quick to show his real, asshole self he keeps hidden.

“Angel? You alright?” Harry’s voice brings you back from your thoughts and once again, you realize that he is still in call, staring from the screen with a worried expression on his handsome face.

Taking another deep breath you bring the phone up so he can finally see your face.

“Sorry you had to hear all of that,” you mumble, feeling way more tired than you were just a few minutes ago.

“Don’t apologize, it’s none of your fault. But I gotta ask, has he been this big of a dick since the start?”

“Kind of,” you sigh, walking further inside. You put the phone to the little vanity, propping it up against the mirror as you start washing your makeup off.

“Have you tried doing something against it? You really shouldn’t let him treat you like that.”

“I’m not trying to be the whiny star who gets someone kicked out. I don’t know what others would think if I told Levi is being a jerk to me, because he is fine with everyone else. Maya is the only one who knows about it, so I’m kind of stuck.”

“Then just punch him,” he suggests making you laugh.

“I wish I could.”

“Want to talk about it? I would love to listen to you talk about how big of a dick your ex is and about your hatred towards him,” he tells you, way too excited about the topic and it makes you chuckle.

“Let’s not talk about him, I get enough of him all day. But not enough of you.”

It just slips out, way too cheesy than you intended it to be, but it makes him smile so you don’t mind it.

“Is this your way of being casual?” he chuckles softly.

“Shut up,” you grin. “Tell me about your day while I get ready to leave.”

You listen to Harry tell you about his day in the smallest details as you clean your face, brush your hair out and change into your own clothes, finally feeling like yourself again. You’re talking even when you’re already in the car, but that’s when it ends.

“Talk tomorrow, Angel?” he murmurs, now lying in his bead, propped up against the headboard without a shirt on.

“Yeah. I’ll be off around five so just call me whenever your show is over.”

“Will do. Take care, alright? And… just hang on a little longer.”

“A little?” you huff. “There are still two more months to go.”

“You can do it. Text me whenever you want to talk, alright?” You just quietly nod, ignoring the ache in your chest. You want nothing else than to crawl into bed with him, curl up against him and never leave from under the covers.

“Good night, Angel,” he smiles sweetly.

“Night, H,” you sigh before ending the call.

An hour later you are already in your hotel room, wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, lying in bed as you scroll through Instagram, aimlessly opening posts here and there. The explore page is always a mess, you like so many different things that Instagram sometimes can’t decide what to show you, but that’s just how you like it. Lately it’s been a lot of Harry on there, given the fact that you’ve often found yourself lurking photos of him when you were missing him more than the usual.

When a paparazzi photo comes up of him from yesterday, having lunch with Kendall Jenner you can’t help but feel the jealousy ignite a fire inside you. It’s not like you didn’t know they met up, he told you a week before it and even asked if you are cool with it, to which you said that you are not an official item and you’d never tell him not to see a friend, even if it happens to be an ex as well. After all, you were the last one to throw a stone at him since you are now working with yours, even if it’s a living Hell.

But after such a draining day, seeing him have a good time so far away from you with a woman who is not you, your opinion about the situation seems to be different.

You’ve never been that extremely jealous type and you are also very much aware that you have no right to feel this way, but… you do. Scrolling through the few paparazzi photos that has nothing odd on them, just the two of them sitting at a table on a terrace, enjoying their meal and then leaving in separate cars, you can’t help but tear them apart to the tiniest detail, your brain fixated to find the smallest thing that tell you that they have something more than friendship going on, when you also know damn well sure that there’s no such thing. Harry has talked to you openly about his friendship with Kendall, how they tried to make it work two times but both of them ended up the same way: they realized they are far better as just friends and that’s how they’ve been since then.

But because of the distance, your horrible days with Levi and your agonizing feelings about wanting to be with Harry but also not being able to, you find yourself letting out a silent cry as you close the app, but the pictures still haunt you.

Before you could even think twice, you are kneeling in front of the minibar you haven’t touched since you arrived, but now you’re determined to empty it out, paying extra attention to the alcoholic drinks.

You are well aware that it’s not how you should be coping with the situation on hand, but you don’t know what else to do. You were the one who told Harry not to make things official, there’s nothing you can do against the distance between the two of you and you are stuck with Levi for the rest of filming as well. You have no other choices but to somehow dumb the pain that’s been torturing you silently ever since you found out you got the role.

It’s nerve wrecking, because this role means so much to your career, you know it’s your big chance to be finally taken as seriously as you’ve always dreamed about, but does it worth it? If you lose yourself along the way and everything that’s been making you happy lately, does it still worth just to have an Oscar nomination, which is not even guaranteed, just a speculation.

It’s past one am when you run out of drinks, but because of the small portions, you are just buzzing, not really drunk. But it’s enough to make you lose your rationality and snatch your phone from the bed and open your text threat with Harry.

“I miss you. A lot, like a whole lot.”

You send the text before you could change your mind and for your biggest surprise the status changes to seen just a few moments later before the three little dots start dancing on the bottom.

“I miss you too, Angel. Everything alright?”

Harry knows you too well, you wouldn’t just text after you’ve talked on FaceTime before and you’re usually asleep by this time, since filming starts early in the morning usually.

“Do you really miss me?” you write back with a heavy sigh.

“You can’t even imagine how much…”

“Tell me. How much?”

“I’ve written three songs about you since we parted. Does that tell you how much I miss you?”

“Oh fuck!” you choke out, feeling your chest tightening. You don’t want to be in this hotel room anymore, damn the movie, Levi and the Oscar, you need Harry. Now.

“Can’t wait to hear them all.”

“There’ll be plenty more, Angel. Get ready for a whole album!”

The pictures with Kendall are long forgotten. Now you’re just lying in bed, rereading the texts over and over again until your eyelids get too heavy and you fall asleep, still clinging onto the device.

***

After years of being an independent and strong woman you’ve always aspired to be, you find yourself only focusing on two men to keep your nerves stable enough to stop you from breaking down every other day: Oscar and Harry.

The possibility to win an Oscar is what you think of every time Levi is pulling on your nerves, working harder than the devil to make you burst while acting like a saint in front of everyone. His attempts of ruining your days every imaginable are getting worse as the time passes and when thinking about the Oscar doesn’t help, you reach out to Harry. You’ve felt terribly at the beginning when you kept calling him whenever you felt like screaming after an encounter with Levi, even apologized for it, but he made sure you know he doesn’t mind it, not even the tiniest bit.

“I’m happy I’m the one you come to for comfort. I like that you’re thinking about me,” he told you one night when you called him so late, but he still answered.

Today has been extra hard. Two weeks have passed since your little late night breakdown when you emptied your mini bar out and felt like leaving Atlanta as soon as possible. Luckily, the morning came with an ease, though the pain was still there, you just managed to bottle it up enough to make you keep going.

You’ve been on set since 4 in the morning, having shot some scenes during sunrise and you’ve been going since then. Now it’s four pm, you are desperate for a good sleep already, but you still have some hours to go before you can head back to the hotel.

It seems like Levi has made it his mission to make you cry today. His latest favorite thing has been throwing shade about fellow actors who end up being the talk of gossip sites because they’ve dared to go on a public date with another celebrity. So, just to be clear, he is shaming you for being all over the tabloids, people are still speculating about you and Harry and Levi doesn’t hesitate to call you out about that in a sugarcoated way.

All he has been saying all day is “I guess I’m just more careful about my privacy!” or “Everyone is different, but I like to be noticed for my professional success!” but your favorite was “I get it that women need more effort to stay relevant.”

You were shocked how no one else realized how sexist he was, but deep down you weren’t that surprised. Levi successfully brainwashed everyone to make them believe he didn’t think it seriously, when you know for a fact that even if it was just to piss you off, he really meant it. You were once one of those who couldn’t really see how wrong his beliefs are and now you can’t believe you used to ignore all these sexist comments, but now they make your palms itch.

“You know, you once were just like that. I still remember us being on the covers,” you snapped back at him before everyone left for lunch and it was just the two of you, but he just snorted, brushing it off.

“Hated it. Always felt like just a toy they like to throw around.”

You needed all your self-control not to laugh right into his face and then jump at his throat. Instead, you just watch him walk away and you are quick to fetch your phone from your bag to text Harry, but then you realize that he hasn’t texted you back in the past ten hours. Your last four messages are sitting not just unanswered but unread as well so you talk yourself down from sending another one. It’s odd, because he always tells you when he is about to be busy, but he didn’t this time and you wonder if you’ve said or did something that upset him with you enough to stop talking to you. But then you tell yourself that something must have just come up.

“Hey girl!” Maya calls out for you, already dressed in her own clothes since she is done for the day. “I’m heading out to lunch with Timmy, want to join? Please don’t say you’ll just order in and stay in your trailer!”

“Only if Levi is not coming,” you grumble making her chuckle.

“Don’t worry, it’s just gonna be cool people.”

You both take your car to the little diner close to set, you’ve been going there quite often, they have the best pancakes and that’s exactly what you need right now. Timmy is already there sitting at a booth, waving at you happily. Aside from Maya, he is the other person you’ve been quite enjoying spending time with on set, he is a genuine guy and helped you a lot professionally which was a huge boost along this rocky way.

All through lunch you notice that he’s been checking his phone a lot, but you don’t think much of it, he is a busy guy, that you’ve learned already. It’s nice to have some time away from set and you’re thankful that Maya and Timmy are trying their best to make you forget about Levi and that eventually you have to head back.

The three of you return to set about an hour later. When the both of them stick to your side and they keep asking if you are going back to your trailer, you start to suspect something.

“You guys alright?” you ask with a chuckle. “Where else would I go? I still have thirty minutes from my break.”

“Just making sure,” Timmy shrugs. “We’ll walk you there!”

“Yeah! Let us walk to your trailer!” Maya nods in agreement and you give them a glare.

“You guys are weird,” you mumble under your breath.

As the three of you reach your trailer you notice how excited they are acting and you are confused about what’s really happening, but it’s just until you finally throw the door of your trailer open and gasp at the person waiting inside.

“Hello, Angel,” Harry smirks at you, leaning against the wall as you completely freeze.

“Angel! Oh my God!” you hear Maya squeak behind you, but you can’t pay much attention to her or Timmy, because you are busy throwing yourself into Harry’s arm, who envelopes you into his embrace, lifting you up from the ground.

“What are you doing here?” you breathe out, face buried in the crook of his neck.

“Should I not be here?” he jokes chuckling, his hands running up and down your back.

“Well, you are not supposed to, but I’m glad you are!” you chuckle and pulling back you kiss his lips, not able to hold yourself back.

“Thank your costars,” he mumbles nodding towards the door where Maya and Timmy are standing, grinning widely and proud of themselves.

“You guys did this,” you breathe out.

“Well, it was Maya’s idea, and then I was the one to message Harry,” Timmy admits, hiding his hands in his pockets. “Wanted to surprise you.”

“You surely succeeded,” you chuckle and turning back to Harry you hug him again, holding him tight as if he could vanish any moment.

“Alright, we’ll leave you two alone,” Maya chuckles before shutting the door and giving you some privacy.

“So how long are you staying?” you ask, arms circled around his neck.

“Unfortunately I don’t have much time. I need to fly out late tomorrow.”

“You came here for less than 48 hours?” you gasp in disbelief. He has been on the road for weeks now, all the traveling has been hard on him, that you know, yet he still went into the trouble of flying here for such a short time just to be with you.

“If Timothée didn’t reach out I would have still tried to mess around with my schedule to come here. I know how hard it has been for you here, I wanted to help you.”

“Stop or you’ll make me cry,” you chuckle, leaning in for another kiss.

You spend the rest of your break cuddled up on your tiny sofa in your trailer, talking but mostly kissing, because you’ve been missing Harry’s kisses the most probably. When it’s time to head back to set, you need everything in you not to lock the door and just never leave, but your work is calling.

Walking towards set you find yourself lacing your fingers together with Harry’s, to which he smirks at you in satisfaction. You couldn’t give less shit about that people will think the rumors are true, let them! All you want is to be as close to Harry as possible.

As everyone is slowly gathering back, you lounge around the buffet tables with Harry and Timothée, just genuinely having a good time, right until Levi walks in and he freezes upon seeing you with Harry.

At first you are convinced he’s going to come up to you, but luckily, he chooses to keep his distance this time, saving you some stress about what would go down if the two of them were to talk. Harry has definitely noticed his presence as well, but he doesn’t say a word, just holds your hand tight, kissing your knuckles.

Harry sticks around the whole afternoon, watching you film scene after scene and the excitement in his eyes is priceless. He takes every opportunity to praise your work and tell you how amazing you are doing and it means the world to you since it’s the first time Harry is seeing you working.

Through the afternoon, you can feel Levi’s burning glare on you, but you try your best to ignore it. You can tell he doesn’t like having Harry around but you haven’t figured out if it’s because he is jealous of you and him or because now Harry has all the attention he usually has. Either way, he is a petty fucker and you are enjoying pissing him off for once.

When filming finally finishes at six you are one of the first ones to head out, eager to finally be alone with Harry in your hotel room and not be disturbed for the night.

“I would say to pick up something to eat on our way, but maybe we should just order room service, how does that sound?” he asks as the two of you are walking back to your trailer.

“Room service is gonna be perfect,” you smile up at him, giving his hand a squeeze.

“Y/N!”

The voice calling out your name makes you growl in annoyance. The situation is all too familiar, Levi stopping you on your way back to your trailer with the pure intention of ruin your mood.

Oh for fuck’s sake,” you mumble under your breath before turning around. “What?” you snap back at him, clearly annoyed that he is here again.

“Hey, just… thought I would introduce myself to your friend over here,” he smiles as if it was the most natural thing, but you and Harry stand there, completely confused about how he can act so casual about him meeting Harry.

“I’m sorry, you what?” you question.

“Just wanted to meet Harry,” he tells again. “I’m Levi, nice to meet you,” he nods smiling, holding out his hand and you can’t hold your laughter back. Luckily, Harry is quick to react the best possible way.

“Are you really just gonna pretend like I didn’t hear you call Y/N a bitch the other day?” he asks, voice stern and surprisingly calm, however his hold on your hand is a little tighter now.

Seemingly, Levi is taken aback and you can tell he was convinced Harry wouldn’t bring it up straight to his face, but he did. He definitely just did and you are so happy about that.

“I’m, uhh—I don’t think you have any business in that, Harry,” he chuckles nervously, still trying to somehow dominate in the situation, but he is failing miserably.

“Oh, but I think I do. If you think you can just go around and call women bitches, you are in the wrong and if you ever have just one bad word for Y/N again, I’ll definitely won’t be this calm.”

The cherry on the top is the warm smile on Harry’s lips and your mouth hangs open at how bad he just burnt Levi. If you were alone now, you’d definitely jump his bones right away.

Watching Levi you see the exact moment when he drops the act and before he even opens his nasty mouth, you already know you’ll get another taste of his real self.

“What, you fuck her once and think she is the Queen of England who has to be treated with special care?” he scoffs and your stomach drops. Here he goes with the insults, buckle up!

“Excuse you?” Harry snaps back, clearly losing his patience with him.

“She is not that big of a deal, Styles. Might be a good fuck, but she is a fucking bitch in reality and you’ll see that soon.”

“I think it was just you who made her act that way and that’s entirely your fault, m’ friend. Anyone would be that way if they had to deal with you.”

“You know what? You two deserve each other, two low-life, attention seeker celebs, I just don’t get what people like so much about you. Especially about you,” he adds, eyes snapping to you. Your anger is boiling, he is dancing on your very last nerve and you have no idea how long you can last.

Harry then turns to you, a calm expression on his face, but his eyes tell you otherwise as he simply takes his rings off and places them into your palm, confusing you about what he is really doing.

“I’m sorry in advance, Angel,” he mumbles before taking a step towards Levi and with a simple but graceful move, he punches your scumbag ex.

You gasp as you hear Levi’s groan, his hands flying to his face while Harry shakes his fist off with a heavy sigh.

“Oh fuck, this feels better with a glove on,” Harry breathes out, taking a step back.

“You fucker!” Levi spats as he straightens up. He moves his hand from his face, checking it to see if he is bleeding, but it’s just some redness on his cheek.

“Don’t freak out, princess. You’ll just have to sit some more in the makeup. But Swear to God if you ever speak about her that way,” Harry warns him pointing at him, “You won’t be able to fix it with some powder.”

And with that, Harry grabs your hand and pulls you into the trailer, leaving a shocked and raged out Levi outside. As soon as it’s just the two of you, Harry changes from the confident, protective man to a frightened little puppy as he looks at you.

“I’m so sorry, but I just couldn’t take it any longer. The way he was talking about you and I—“

He doesn’t get to finish because our lips shut him up with the most heated and passionate kiss you two have ever shared. It’s hard and messy, your fingers thread through his hair as he grabs your waist forcefully, yanking you against her tightly.

“That was literally the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” you pant against his lips.

“Yeah? So you’re not mad?”

“I’m only mad because you got to punch him before me,” you chuckle making him laugh as well.

“God, I have no idea how you could put up with him this long,” he breathes out, resting his forehead against yours.

“I’m convinced that my nerves are made out of steel,” you joke pecking his lips two more times.

“I don’t even see how you could be in a relationship with him in the first place,” he huffs.

“I was younger and dumber. Don’t worry, learned my lesson,” you laugh, cupping his cheek in the palm of your hand, running your thumb along the soft skin under his eye.

“If I’m being honest, there’s one more thing that’s upsetting me about him.”

“And what is that?”

“Please don’t get mad at me though, okay?” he chuckles softly.

“Just tell me!”

“I’m mad… because he is able to say that he has been in a relationship with you and I’m not. It’s pissing me off, properly,” he admits and your heart skips a beat. “I know you said you don’t want anything official, but I just want to call you mine and—“

You cut him off for the second time now as you kiss him again, grinning against his lips. If he didn’t bring this up now, you would have for sure before he left, because there was no way you would have been able to say goodbye to him again without having all strings tied.

“Just to be sure, was this your way of asking me to be your girlfriend?” you smirk, your hands holding onto the base of his neck.

“Kind of? Yeah,” he chuckles softly.

“Alright, cool. Now let’s go back to my hotel room, boyfriend.”

You watch as his eyes light up and leaning down he kisses you again.

“Just so we are on the same page, was this your way of saying yes?”

“Kind of, yeah,” you nod, using his own words.

“Great. Okay, let’s go, girlfriend.”

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