#i love how seriously leigh takes it and explores it and how she's like 'this trauma is severe and it's not gonna be easy to work thru'

[esotericdescent]

I have some Headcanons for Kaz to share in reference to his trauma / haphephobia. A couple of them involve vague mentions of ~intimate situations.~

It's never really explicitly mentioned in the books, but I suspect blood is one of his triggers—although fresh blood isn't as much of an issue as I think it has a lot to do with scent rather than the physical sensation of it. It's the sickeningly sweet, rotting coppery scent and if he's stuck with it on him long enough, it can easily lead to a panic attack and/or a fainting spell. It's also very likely the reason why the only time he gets someone's blood all over him is either when it's a last resort or when he just .... loses his cool, which doesn't happen very often ( I mean, he doesn't particularly like killing people anyway, but yk ). In SOC when he rips that guys' eye out, they change POV after Kaz goes bellow deck to clean himself off and stuff and like ..... I think about that a lot. Might write a drabble abt it some time, who knows.

When/if Kaz gradually starts to work through his touch aversion issues in order to be able to physically touch someone casually or intimately, he strikes me as someone who is ... extremely intense once he's comfortable. Because of his aversion, he's also very touch starved, which becomes immediately obvious very quickly in that case.

I think, when it comes to kissing someone, that is likely one of the easier things to work through for him simply because of how stark the contrast is. Like, the heat of someone's mouth, the intimacy of being able to hear and feel someone's breathing, feel how very much alive they are. And for that reason, it becomes pretty immediately apparent how much he enjoys it once he gets there.

One of the ways he keeps himself grounded during these situations is being able to feel someone's pulse, which he can do by either feeling for it by resting his hand on their throat / pressing his thumb against their pulse point there, or doing the same on their wrist(s).

However, something important to note; it will absolutely take a lot of tries, trial and error, for Kaz to be able to work through these things. He is probably going to have several panic attacks along the way and it's gonna be a rough start; it's especially going to be complicated and very, very meaningful for him to allow someone to be anywhere near him when that happens too, so it'll require a ton of thorough plotting. I don't mind skipping ahead, as long as we thoroughly discuss and establish the difficulty in Getting There.

I will also say that, as someone on the asexual spectrum myself, I am 5000% very, very flexible about what intimacy would mean for him. Smut does not have to happen for Kaz to be intimate with someone; literally him letting someone hold his hand is a very huge indication of intimacy for him okay. There's a part of him that deeply, deeply struggles with shame regarding his trauma and limitations because of it, so. Someone eventually knowing What Happened and insisting on giving him the space and patience that he needs and/or being like "you don't actually have to Ever btw" despite his stubborn attitude sigh lmao is 👌👌

Kaz's struggles with touch will never fully be gone, no matter how much he works through it. There will still be days where he can't handle physical contact and there will be days where he's handling things just fine but the slightest thing twists the wrong way and he has a panic attack or can't touch anyone for hours or the rest of the day, ect. It's always going to be there in the back of his mind, being considered with everything he does. And, even with working through it to be able to touch Certain People or Someone In Particular, he still won't be able to deal with it casually, with people he doesn't know well or trust. It's especially Bad if it's not anticipated from someone he doesn't know well or trust.

[badwritingbutimisslys]

this is my first ever post on what was going to be my writing blog, mainly for mcl, even though the fandom's dying I wanted to contribute to it, and, you know, since not a lot of people even write for it anymore, I wanted to write what I would've wanted to read in here but alas I am the clown and I just had a fever dream last night and it was just insane and I loved it so much so I decided to try my chances right crazy shit happens every day so

So here's an idea for Beemoov to continue my candy love without possibly saturating the story or disappointing fans. This is my actual official pitch for two new MCL games, even though they'll probably never even see this. Buckle up:

The fans have been complaining and begging for the return of the old love interests since they have been deleted. It was a choice, that's for sure, but the damage can be fixed, I think. My idea is a university life and love life reboot, but with the old crushes. These games would be an alternative storyline, where Candy doesn't move back to the city she went to high school in but instead moves to where Kentin, Armin, and Lysander live. There we can have two new love interests introduced, to complete the amount of five routes in total. The rushed arcs of Kentin and Armin could be brought back and more fully explored, along with Lysander's grief and guilt for the death of his family, his desire to keep the farm and avoid his living relatives and old friends to detach himself from his old life and his pain for not following his dreams and not wanting to let his parents down or kill their legacy by selling the farm.

Kentin could have actual closure and development regarding his childhood traumas, insecurities, and all that he went through during military school. What he had to do to fit in and survive and how he thought that acting that same way was the only way he could make it through adulthood and how he chooses to cope with everything he's been through. Armin could also have some closure regarding his family and the loss of his biological parents. Maybe he moved away from Alexy because he wanted to feel closer to them, and that was the city they lived and died in. maybe his adoptive parents moved there, and he didn't want to be away from them, or he wanted to give his older brother a truer chance and kept in touch with him, and he ended up convincing Armin to move to where he lives, where he could have the opportunity to get the tech job Alexy says he has on university life, and Kentin went along with, since Evan convinced him to go back to the military, and their arcs could still be linked. Kentin would grow as a person and find out what he truly wants outside what he believes to be expected of him from his father and Evan himself, and so could Armin, and Lysander.

All of that outside of the two new love interests, who could be literally anyone. Viktor could be finally introduced into the game, and even his story in the mangas could be kept as canon but slightly adapted, and maybe Evan himself could be a love interest, as many players theorized them to be before the announcement of Nathaniel in uni life. To keep the LGBTQIA+ route would also be possible, introducing a female love interest again, that could also be an old high school friend that happened to move there as well, or not, the possibilities are literally endless.

I, like many other fans of the game, don't want it to die but have also been losing interest in the story as it progresses. To me, it started with the death of these three crushes. I was a Lysander girl myself, and the ending he got just killed me every single time Rosa or Leigh or Castiel showed up, and I was reminded that they just kept living their lives, and Lysander didn't. Same for Armin, every time Alexy showed up. Kentin was tragically forgotten, and he as well deserved so much more than that, and, maybe, this could be an opportunity to do that, to give these wildly loved characters the development and ending they deserve, to regain the love and the interest of so many fans and players who were unhappy with the choices made by the company and simply lost the desire to play my candy love, despite loving it and having grown up playing it.

In the events of someone of Beemoov's team seeing this and taking it seriously, which I sincerely hope does happen, and this gets somehow approved and does actually happen, I don't even want any sort of credit or even acknowledgment, pretend this post never existed, and you came up with the idea yourself, and I'll be happy to just be able to play the game.

Either way, this is just some feedback and a hopeful dream of getting my loved character back and done right by, even though it might be completely unreasonable and unreachable. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

[a-dandelion-dreamer]

Books with Bisexual Characters

I’ve always been a book lover, and lately I’ve been taking note of some of the bi characters I meet along my journey. I thought I’d share some book recommendations.

First, In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan. I love this book so much—it’s honestly one of my favourites. It features a bisexual protagonist, Elliot Schafer, who goes across a wall into a magical, fantasyland and actively rebels against its war-like ways, choosing to draft treaties instead. He’s a snarky, grumpy, pacifist who has relationships with people of multiple genders throughout the course of the book. This book is super funny. Seriously, it made me laugh out loud on more than occasion. It also features truly phenomenal character development and explores the joys and trials of friendship between Elliot and his two best friends Luke Sunborn (the shy golden boy, born to a warrior family) and Serene-Heart-in-the-Chaos-of-Battle (a bold elf whose society’s gender roles are completely flipped). Shenanigans ensue.

A quote:

“‘Why is language in the Borderlands so weird? Some of it’s modern, and some of it’s medieval, and I guess that makes sense with the influx of a certain amount of new blood to the training camp every year, but how do some words and phrases transfer, while others don’t? Why do you know the word ‘jerk’ and not the word ‘bisexual’?’

‘I guess people say the first word more,’ said Luke.”

 Next, The Nevernight Chronicle by Jay Kristoff. This epic three book series features badass bisexual Mia Corvere. It’s dark, bloody and heart-breaking, with an endless series of twists. Mia’s parents were killed during their attempt to start a rebellion and her quest for revenge leads her to join a school for assassins. Follow Mia’s journey as she attempts to bring down the leaders of the Republic with her constant companion, Mister Kindly, the wise-cracking shadow-that-is-shaped-like-a-cat. I loved this series as well. It’s a very different tone from the recommendation above (don’t get attached to your faves!) and it’s marked as adult fantasy (be prepared for sex and violence), so be warned, but wow, is it a wild ride!

 Books by Ellen Kushner!!! I recently discovered her and I’m in love. Ellen Kushner herself is bi and has a wife who is also a writer. The two of her books I’ve read so far are Swordspoint (published 1987!) and The Privilege of the Sword. Both are fantasy of manners with bisexual duelists as protagonists. Swordspoint features Richard St Vier, an elite swordsman, as well as his close companion (and lover) Alec, a sarcastic scholar with a mysterious past. The Privilege of the Sword is set in the future of the same world, featuring a young girl named Katherine (who I love with all my heart) as she’s called by her uncle to the city to embark upon a path nontraditional to a lady, that of a swordsman. Both are excellent and super fun!

 The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee. Meet Lord Henry “Monty” Montague as he embarks upon a Grand Tour of Europe (the historical fiction version of a road trip) with his best friend Percy (who he’s hopelessly in love with) and his sister Felicity (who’s ace and has her own follow-up book which I also recommend – the Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy). Monty is charming, privileged, hilarious and the definition of a disaster bisexual. Follow along as the three of them stumble into hijinks and character development.

 Radio Silence by Alice Oseman. Our main girl Frances Janvier is a study machine whose only respite from academics is the fan art she draws for a podcast called Universe City. Then one day, the mysterious narrator asks her if she wants to collaborate. In a relatable turn, Frances is bi, but it’s just a part of her identity and the focus of the book is not a romance. Instead, it’s all about friendship and finding platonic soulmates and figuring out what you want to pursue in life. Alice Oseman’s writing is lovely and she tackles issues that feel very modern and relatable. I’ll also mention her webcomic (which you can find online for free) Heartstopper, which follows the romance between two boys Charlie Spring and Nick Nelson (and includes Nick’s bisexual crisis).

A quote:

“And I’m platonically in love with you.”

“That was literally the boy-girl version of ‘no homo’, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

 Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. Speaking of bisexual crises, meet Alex Claremont-Diaz, whose mother is the President of the United States. His long-time rival, Henry, is a prince of England, and after an incident involving an expensive cake, the two are forced to fake a bromance for the sake of international relations. Actual romance blossoms instead.

 Kushiel’s Dart by Jacqueline Carey. In the land of Terre d’Ange, the motto is “Love as thou wilt”. Phèdre is a bisexual courtesan who receives pleasure from pain. Another adult fantasy (published 2001!), our heroine trains as a spy and is increasingly entangled in a web of politics and plots.

 The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater. This series is well-known, but I love it! Maggie Stiefvater’s prose is atmospheric, littered with small details that reward a reread, and her character relationships are complex. This series is a gem full of magical realism. Here’s a shout-out to our bisexual boy, Adam Parrish!

 Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. Again, another popular book (part of a duology), but the hype is totally deserved! A diverse crew sets out on an impossible heist. Let’s send some love to two bisexual icons, Jesper Fahey and Nina Zenik!

A quote:

“If only you could talk to girls in equations.”

There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they’d created in the link, Wylan said, “Just girls?”

Jesper restrained a grin. “No. Not just girls.”

 Those are some of my favourites that I’ve come across so far. Hopefully I’ll find some more! I’m always open to book recommendations, especially those that feature queer ladies :)

[ojcobsessed]

Oliver Jackson-Cohen, on Bly Manor and Other Things That Haunt Him

by Diana Colcer for Cosmopolitan Romania, 24 October 2020

Energetic, suave, and anchored in the reality of the problems around us, Oliver Jackson-Cohen is part of a generation of actors looking for something else, something that will remain imprinted in the collective memory. I talked about this with the actor you know from The Haunting - by the way, the latest season, The Haunting of Bly Manor, now on Netflix, is the ideal choice for a scary night, if you want to spend Halloween at home this year. Let's see what Oliver Jackson-Cohen has to say about Bly Manor and other things that haunt him.

"Why choose a role that's safe when you can take risks?" This is the question that came to my mind as I was documenting the interview with Oliver Jackson-Cohen. Because that's what I was gathering from the things we know about him. You first saw Oliver as Luke in The Haunting of Hill House - and now, just in time for Halloween, you can see him again alongside Victoria Pedretti in the even scarier second season, The Haunting of Bly Manor. In this adaptation of the short ghost story The Turn of the Screw by Henry James, Oliver Jackson-Cohen plays the charming and manipulative Peter Quint, a character who hides many scary secrets and… I won't give away more!

So you understand what I'm talking about: Oliver is used to playing characters haunted both by their own inner conflicts (PTSD due to childhood traumas, drug addiction, etc.) and, well, ghosts. And the answer to the question at the beginning of the text, which I did not ask out loud, was given to me while I was talking to him. Born in London, Oliver, the son of fashion designer Betty Jackson, has dedicated his entire career to a different philosophy of acting, starting from the premise that fear makes you grow, develop and get out of your comfort zone.

And that's exactly how most of his roles are. After the BBC drama Larkrise to Candleford, he starred in the Emmy Award-nominated mini-series World Without End, then in shows such as Dracula and Man in an Orange Shirt. In real life, when he "strips off" his characters, Oliver is a guy oozing charisma and sex appeal: he’s 1.91m tall and has a pair of blue eyes in which you can get really lost, an extremely attractive and a style of being (and, let’s face it, dressing) extremely cool. 

So, he’s one to watch, and, as such, we invite you to read the interview he gave us exclusively for Cosmopolitan Romania, after which we found out spectacular details about the unseen parts of horror, fashion, lifestyle and what Oliver Jackson-Cohen has something to say about Bly Manor and other things that haunt him.

What made you determined, at only 6 years old, to become an actor? Simple! I saw Home Alone at the movies and suddenly I wanted to be Kevin McAllister. I just couldn't believe a child was appearing in a movie. I remember my father explaining to me that he was an actor and then I said to myself, "Well, I'll do all that, too."

Many people who discover their dream at such a young age change their minds later. How did you stay in acting?

Looking back, it was probably a stupid thought [process]. But I became fascinated by how you can disappear into another world and how you can become whoever you want. I still think that these things are what kept up my passion for acting. I love the whole process behind this job and the way you translate into reality something that is not, in fact, real. It's also been about luck, I admit - that people pay me to do that, and that's how I make a living.

You appeared in the first season of The Haunting of Hill House as Luke Crain. I was impressed with how you managed to get Luke away from the typical drug addict stereotype. How did you avoid this cliché? I have seen many portrayals of drug addicts over the years and I wanted to show what the person behind the addiction is like, the one who is not defined by this addiction. I think that's an extremely important thing. All over the world, people are struggling with drug addiction and, most of the time, they are excluded and marginalised because of this, but also because they are seen only in this way, as addicts. I didn't intend to do this with Luke. I felt that it was essential for the public to see the man in him, to see that he is someone who is really shaken inside, someone who has lost control of what is happening to him, but who is always trying to control his addiction. 

As a society, we usually condemn or shun such people. We need more empathy in these cases, and these people need to receive the attention shown primarily to them, not to the addiction they suffer from.

When your work is so rigorous, so emotional, I imagine it consumes you a lot to play a character who has struggled with addictions all his life. How do you detach yourself from this intensity? I can't tell you exactly. I don't think you can, to be honest. For the series The Haunting… the filming was long and stressful for all the actors, but also for the crew. I think you have to gradually detach yourself from the story, as much as you can, when you get home, but at the same time, you have to stay in the character's shoes, because the next day you return to the set for a new round of filming. It was a demanding experience, but it was worth it.

Is there anything you wish you’d known before you started working a horror TV show? Or about a series with an intense family drama? Know that it's not that scary when you're filming. Not at all. I started working from the pre-production phase and I knew it was going to be a ghost series… and, initially, I had the impression that there was always “someone” in my Atlanta apartment. But from the moment you get on set, you realise that the series about ghosts is just another job. The coolest thing when you are part of a horror series is when you realise, in the end, that you can watch it [later] without any problems, because all the tension and panic are built up in the editing process.

I know you're a big fan of the horror genre in general. Is it an area you want to explore further? I think so. But I wouldn't say that I intended, from the beginning, specifically, to explore any certain genre. Everything is, in fact, in the characters. Always. If it's an interesting role, I definitely want it. But what I find incredible about this genre is that the dose of horror is often a metaphor for other elements of our lives. But when horror is done properly, it can affect us incredibly, which is true.

You're back to haunt us again in the second season of the Netflix anthology series, this time called The Haunting of Bly Manor. What can you tell me about the new character you play? I'm afraid I don't want to reveal too much and I'd rather you watch the show and form your own impression. All I can say is that the new series, Bly Manor, is completely different from the first, which I like. My current character, a young man named Peter, is the polar opposite of Luke, so for me, as an actor, he was wonderful. Ah, also don’t even try to watch this season at night, alone at home, because the plot is really creepy!

About The Invisible Man, another classic monster comeback, in which you play alongside Elisabeth Moss (The Handmaid's Tale), what can you tell me? The film debates the notion of ownership of a person (editor’s note: Jackson-Cohen's character is a sociopath obsessed with control, and we don't know if he terrorises his ex-girlfriend as a ghost or if he actually staged his death). I look forward to seeing how this film will be received by the public, because Leigh Whannell is an incredible screenwriter and director. He wrote a fresh story, which I find brilliant, which follows the Invisible Man in the context of connections with other characters, but also with real people. It's a very clever movie.

How would you best describe yourself using the title of a movie?

Hm… The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, the classic directed by Sergio Leone in 1966.

Are you into fashion? Yes, I really am. I was raised by my parents who worked in the fashion industry, which influenced me quite a lot over the years.

Do you wear high-fashion pieces in everyday life? Why not?!

Your mother is the designer Betty Jackson. Has he ever given you advice on clothing style?

I don't know if she gave me style advice in the true sense of the word, but it's great to talk to her about style and clothes. Her belief has always been one like "Wear something that makes you feel good,” so I adopted this perspective as well. She is an incredible woman, with a good eye for fashion, so she often helps me.

You divide your life between London and Los Angeles. How do men groom themselves in the two cities? Have you noticed different approaches?

Probably. LA is a more eccentric place in terms of style and fashion, with more pressure to that end, at least from what I've noticed. In Los Angeles, it's more important to look good physically. In London, on the other hand, it seems more important to combine clothes and accessories in a cool and smart way.

How do you stay in shape?

I honestly don’t care. I only exercise when I have to, and when I don't have to, I eat everything I can. I go to the gym if I notice that my weight is getting out of control.

What do you like to do in your free time?

To be the laziest person. Seriously. I would love to count all the hours I’ve spent sleeping or lazing around!

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2021 - March

I had a very strange reading month in March, I read more than I usually do when studying but then fell into a reading slump in the last 10 days or so... It was all a certain book's fault!

The Burning God - R.F. Kuang (Poppy War #3)

I've already got a post somewhere explaining how I felt about The Burning God. I had a wonderful(? feels like the wrong word but I'm sticking with it) time with this series, in a morbid kind of way. It was highly worth the read and The Poppy War is one of the best debut fantasy stories I've read to date! I was slightly disappointed in some of the elements (the Trifecta still spring to mind, I was expecting so much more...) but it was a great series. Highly recommended if you haven't given them a go.

Shadow and Bone/Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo (This includes all three books, plus the Demon in the Woods)

I read this entire series back to back in the space of about 10 days... I haven't read a series this fast since I was in high school! And I LOVED it! The Grisha Trilogy is a stereotypical YA as you can get - it's clichéd, tropey, and predictable. However, I still had a fantastic time reading them, much to my surprise.

Unfortunately, I loathed Mal (don't kill me), he was one of the most toxic "heroes" I've met in YA fantasy and I'm not over the infuriating conclusion with him and Alina (if Alina had to have a partner she should have married Nikolai, come on! Roguish pirate AND a dashing prince in one man!) I'm genuinely angry that the message Bardugo gave young girls with the conclusion to Alina and Mal's relationship arc was 'sacrifice everything, including your identity, to be play housewife with a boy with such a fragile ego he ignored you for an entire book'.

I really hope the TV series removes some of his controlling and manipulative behaviour - and yes I can stomach it with the Darkling because HE IS THE VILLAIN and not framed as the paragon of virtue Mal is... I did very much like the Darkling as a hot villain, and I'm looking forward to seeing my childhood crush, Ben Barnes, do him justice ;) Seriously though, the Darkling was the most interesting character in the series, maybe tied with Nikolai, and I'm sad we didn't see more of him in the second and third books.

The Hatmakers - Tamzin Merchant

I ADORED this book! I was expecting to enjoy it but not love it, however, I fell in love. This is a debut middle grade novel set in an alternate version of 18th century London. We follow Cordelia Hatmaker, the youngest Hatmaker, attempt to find her father after he's lost at sea. The Hatmakers are an old family of magic users who make hats to effect people's mood and behaviour.

This book was so heartwarming - it was fun, sweet, and enchanting to read. I wasn't sure of Merchant's writing style at first, it was a bit too much! She's very lyrical in her style, for a children's author, and I thought it was going to grate. But it fits the tone of her world and characters so well I didn't notice it after the first few chapters. It's honestly beautifully written. Characters were great, the plot was predictable but hilarious (I'm not the target audience so that's fine), and the world was well realised, if small. Overall, it was a wonderful novel and I'd highly recommend it to everyone - I enjoyed it as much as I did Nevermoor!

There's also the BEST tiny side story about a couple of young fops who want hats to help them duel! Absolutely AMAZING and I hope they turn up in the second book!

A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini

Here is where the month fell down for me and I fell into a slump... So A Thousand Splendid Suns is the story of two women in Afghanistan during the late 20th century. We see the Russian occupation and the rise of the Taliban through their eyes, as well as the devastating effects the almost constant warfare had on Kabul and their lives. However, this is more the background to exploring these women's lives, starting with Mariam as a child in the 1950s and following her life after she's married off by her father to Rasheed. We also follow Laila, who's literally the girl next door, and how their lives intersect during the course of the novel. It is a powerful story about the strength of women, the bonds they form, and the consequences the attitudes of men have on their lives.

So I'm conflicted about this book, on the one hand I can very much see its merit. It's a beautifully written, engaging, and thought provoking novel. It's one of those reads that stick with you and you mull over for weeks afterwards. It makes you think and I am glad I've read it.

On the other hand, I HATED every second I was reading it. On top of the general misery you'd expect (given the description above), this book discusses domestic violence, marital rape, forced child abandonment, miscarriages, imprisonment, etc. You name it, it'll be here. I could see the reason for this but it made for such a miserable reading experience that I could barely keep myself going at times. I seriously considered DNFing it at the end of part 2 and the only reason I didn't is because it's my book club book.

It's one of those reads that are immensely powerful and worth while, they open your eyes and make you think. However, it's reading experience is so miserable it's hard to see whether it was actually worth it while you'rein the book. I would say give it a go if you're interested because it really is a masterpiece and beautifully achieves what it set out to do. But please do go into it having done your research and aware of the trigger warnings.

On the Currently Reading Stack

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

Technically on the pile, if we're dating this to 31st March. Although as of writing this (3rd April) I've finished this. I had fun but still don't like heist stories... Great characters though!

The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson

I'm dipping in and out of this, as it's my 5th time reading it... I will finish it eventually but don't hold your breath because I'm only picking it up when I'm REALLY in the mood for Sanderson or feeling slumpy.

The Return of the King - J.R.R. Tolkien

Another long term read, I'm slowly finishing off my annotation reread of the Lord of the Rings. Very much enjoying this read but I'm taking it slowly so I can do my annotations justice.

Bleak House - Charles Dickens

Still going, it's just an enormous and slow book... I'm going to try and finish it in April but this isn't a promise...

[libertyreads]

Anticipated Releases: 2021

These are the major books coming out in 2021 for me. I know there are a ton of books coming out in the new year. These are just the ones I’ve been looking forward to reading next year.

1. Enjoy the View (Moose Springs, Alaska #3) by Sarah Morgenthaler-- The final book in the Moose Springs, Alaska companion series. This series is about a small town in Alaska that doesn’t really love the tourists who visit throughout the year. They’re all cute and easy to read romances between an out of towner and a local. These books are seriously one or two sitting reads for me. Light and fluffy and great for breaking up all my bigger reads.

2. Bridge of Souls (Cassidy Blake #3) by Victoria Schwab-- I picked up the first two books in this Middle Grade series this Fall and loved them. It’s a series about a girl who can see ghosts who is traveling with her parents who have a TV show about ghost hunting. Her best friend is a ghost and these books are so cute. Despite me not being the target audience there were still moments that made me nervous for our main character and moments where the sweetness touched my poor shriveled heart.

3. Namesake (Fable #2) by Adrienne Young-- The final book in the Fable duology. I’m a big fan of Adrienne Young. This series is about a girl who was abandoned on an island by her pirate father after her mother dies. Her goal is to get to her father and finally receive her inheritance. Book one was so much fun and so heart breaking at times.

4. Rule of Wolves (Nikolai #2) by Leigh Bardugo-- The final book of the Nikolai duology and book 7 of the Grisha Verse. I liked but didn’t love the first book. I felt like the author has a lot of explaining to do for the chaos that was the end of  King of Scars.

5. Fugitive Telemetry (The Murderbot Diaries #6) by Martha Wells-- I discovered and marathoned this series while I was stuck in bed with Covid. The Murderbot Diaries is a futuristic sci-fi about a Security Bot who doesn’t want to do their job. They just want to watch their Serials all day. Instead they get drug along while their humans make some of the worst decisions. 

6. The Box in the Woods (Truly Devious #4) by Maureen Johnson-- Originally, I thought the Truly Devious series was only going to be a 3 book series, but apparently there’s more to come. It seems like The Box in the Woods is going to be a new ARC featuring Stevie Bell and her friends from Ellingham Academy. This time they’re going to be camp counselors. I can’t wait to see how this rattles our anxiety prone main character. Of course murder and mystery abound.

7. Witchshadow (The Witchlands #4) by Susan Dennard-- This was another series I marathoned while I was stuck in bed with Covid. I read them so quickly that I need to do a reread before the next one comes out. This is a Fantasy series that is so complex with such wonderful characters. I’m also planning on picking up the novella before I read this one.

8. Untitled (Crescent City #2) by Sarah J. Maas-- Am I a little bit Maas Trash? Just a little. I read and thoroughly enjoyed the Throne of Glass series, but never picked up the A Court of Thorns and Roses. But when I saw this urban fantasy come out last year I had to read the first one. I’m a little nervous because I thought the first kind of stood on its own a little. I don’t know where the story is going to go from here. I just know that I’ll enjoy the ride. The first book is about a girl attempting to solve her best friend’s murder with an angel who’s got a bit of an attitude.

9. Nowhere (Skyward #3) by Brandon Sanderson-- This is one of the ones that we still aren’t 100% sure it’s coming out in 2021, but I need it. I loved reading Skyward and Starsight so much. I love the characters and the adventures that they’ve gone on. Plus Sanderson can write some damn good space fight sequences. Skyward is about a girl who wants to becoming a pilot but struggles against her coward father’s legacy. And when she finds a spaceship the higher ups of this struggling Air Force can’t say no.

10. The Hawthorne Legacy (The Inheritance Games #2) by Jennifer Lynn Barnes-- The first book in this series left me shook. I shouldn’t be surprised because I love this author. But I have to know how the cliffhanger gets resolved. I need it in my life now. The book only recently got a title and a release date so I’m a little nervous is could get pushed back. The first one was like a combination of Knives out and Clue without all the murder.

11. The Righteous (The Beautiful #3) by Renee Ahdieh-- I am a little on the fence for this book. The Beautiful is a vampire story set in late 19th century New Orleans. And that’s all I needed to know before I bought the book. I was sold. And it does a good job of putting you there with the setting and the characters. But book 2 wasn’t my favorite. We had a character who was compelled to forget someone who was a vampire and therefore forget about all the magical/mystical things about the town. We also explored other realms with a portal which felt like it didn’t fit in this story. So, book 3 is going to have its work cut out for it if it’s going to get me to love it. At the same time, it’s Renee Ahdieh whose writing has always smacked me directly between the eyes.

12. Black Tabs by V.E. Schwab-- From GoodReads: “Forthcoming. Starring a female assassin in a future version of New York City. Tentatively titled ‘Black Tabs.’” That’s it. That is all I need to know. I love Schwab’s writing and a female assassin? In New York? Where’s the preorder button? Take my money.

[bookswithelli]

a darker shade of magic: review

synopsis:

Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black.

Kell was raised in Arnes—Red London—and officially serves the Maresh Empire as an ambassador, traveling between the frequent bloody regime changes in White London and the court of George III in the dullest of Londons, the one without any magic left to see.

Unofficially, Kell is a smuggler, servicing people willing to pay for even the smallest glimpses of a world they'll never see. It's a defiant hobby with dangerous consequences, which Kell is now seeing firsthand.

After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. She first robs him, then saves him from a deadly enemy, and finally forces Kell to spirit her to another world for a proper adventure.

Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

review under the cut!

stars: ★★★★☆

First of all, although I rated this book 4 stars, there were some issues with it (mainly involving representation and characterization). I rated it 4 stars because I enjoyed reading it despite its issues, but I recognize that the mediocre representation may turn others away from this book.

characters & representation

Before I begin this section of the review, I would like to say that I am not visually impaired and therefore do not have any authority on that subject. My comments on the treatment of Lila's missing eye are merely based on my own observations and what I have heard from visually impaired people on the topic.

Lila:

A cross-dressing thief and aspiring pirate with a penchant for knives, Lila Bard brings to mind the likes of Inej Ghafa from Leigh Bardugo's Six of Crows and Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean. There were times when I really liked Lila; she can be sassy and morally questionable which is always interesting to see when well done. However, her character had a few issues that I wanted to address.

“Delilah Bard looked like a king. No...she looked like a conqueror.” pg. 289

When will fantasy authors stop romanticising conquerors and colonization?! This may be a smaller issue since aside from White London (which is villainized) there is no mention of it in the overarching plot, but this line just really bothered me. It makes me think that V.E. Schwab is a fan of adult and YA fantasy authors like Sarah J. Maas and others who write their main characters to be colonizers and romanticize it in the process. I don’t think this line was necessary at all, and I wish the second sentence had been removed or modified to something a little less problematic (e.g. she looked like a pirate/captain/etc.)

"How did you lose it...your eye?" -Master Tieren, pg. 327

It is revealed near the end of the book that Lila has been missing an eye for as long as she can remember, and she wears a glass eye as a replacement. This is all well and good, but the consequences of her impaired vision are never explored. The only reason the reader knows that Lila is missing an eye is because the author tells them. The narrative never discusses how Lila's lack of an eye affects her day to day life, and it's only brought into the story when it is needed for the plot.

It’s also worth mentioning that Lila is the only female character with a large role in this book, and no matter how “feminist” her character is, there’s not a lot of women in this book that are portrayed positively and with depth.

Rhy:

I actually really liked Rhy and I loved his relationship with Kell. I love sibling love in books and we so rarely get positive sibling relationships, so this was nice to see! It’s also really important to have queer people of color in books. However, I don’t think Rhy’s character is good bi/pan representation (I will refer to him as bi in this review for the sake of brevity, but it’s worth mentioning that neither term is mentioned so Rhy could canonically identify as either).

“He would flirt with a nicely upholstered chair, and he never takes anything seriously.” -Kell, pg. 254

As a queer girl who has identified as bisexual in the past and may in the future, this is bad bi rep 101. Schwab is perpetuating the stereotype of the “promiscuous bi”, or one who flirts and/or sleeps with everyone and everything. This is not a bad characteristic in itself, but it is harmful bi rep because that is the way every bi character is portrayed in media. It reinforces the idea that bisexual people in real life are all like this, and it also reinforces biphobes’ points of view when they say that bisexual people are more likely to cheat because they sleep with more people. This is pretty much the most common stereotype of a bisexual person, so while I doubt that Schwab intended to be harmful in her portrayal of Rhy, it shows that she did not do much research on LGBT+ rep when writing her characters. I do know that some bi people were not bothered by this; however, I believe that writers should stay away from stereotypes, especially when writing characters that are marginalized. Even though promiscuity is not an inherently bad trait, it is harmful when applied to bisexual people because it reinforces real peoples’ beliefs and affects real life bisexuals. This is especially important here because Rhy is the only narrative-confirmed LGBT+ character in the first book. It's not the worst representation I've seen, since Rhy does have a personality outside his flirtatiousness and promiscuity (in fact, it's confirmed that this is a coping mechanism for him) but it's certainly not the best, and I'm just tired of seeing bisexual people represented this way in fiction.

Kell:

I know a lot of people who didn’t like Kell very much, and that is understandable. However, I found him really compelling. It’s refreshing to see a male lead in this genre who’s not jacked and a brooding asshole whose only redeeming quality is his dick size. He’s definitely moody, but not to the point where he becomes an abusive alpha male type guy (yes, I am aware that this is a very low bar). I genuinely enjoyed his character because he’s flawed. He’s stubborn and moody but he’s incredibly caring and he genuinely wants to help people. He feels alienated from his family so he rebels and gets himself in trouble. His character is written well because he’s not perfect by any means, but he’s still likeable and you still root for him.

Holland:

Holland is what every YA love interest wishes they were. Honestly. He’s given no excuses for his actions, and yet he is still sympathetic. You understand that he is under the control of Astrid and Athos, but you also understand that all he has done for years is carry out their orders, and that changes a person. His story is heartbreaking, but that doesn’t change what he has done. He knows it, Kell knows it, Lila knows it, the reader knows it. Honestly, if he were in a YA fantasy romance, I bet Holland would be the love interest; his female “mate” would change him for the better, and he would never face the consequences of his actions. That makes his arc in this story all the more enjoyable. Holland is one of my favorite characters of all time, and not because he’s a perfect “book boyfriend” or whatever, but because his story and character are genuinely interesting and executed well.

worldbuilding

I loved the worldbuilding in this book. There was a bit of an info-dump in the beginning, but I’m willing to look past that because the world was so engaging and interesting that I forgot about the dense first chapter once I got past it. Each London has a distinct feel, and they are all almost tangible. The descriptions of each made me feel like I was in the Londons along with Kell and Lila. It seems like the system would be complicated, but Lila sums it up well:

“There’s Dull London, Kell London, Creepy London, and Dead London.” -pg. 198

After the initial info-dump, Schwab weaves information about the magic system seamlessly through the book, leaving enough mystery for the reader to wonder at what might happen in the next books, but never leaving out so much that the reader is confused. I really appreciated the rules that existed around magic. It’s draining, and Antari magic requires blood, which means there is a limit to how much you can perform at once. Magic is seen to affect the world beyond the characters and their main conflict, which I was very happy about as well. There are too many fantasy novels where the magic system has no rules and only exists to further the plot, but in this world you can see it everywhere. The politics of Red London and White London are affected by magic, even where it is not necessarily relevant to the plot. You can see small amounts of magic being performed in the streets of Red London: spells to protect from thieves, etc. Magic is normal for the people in Red London, and it is treated as such in the text.

pacing & plot

This book flew along. I’ve read it multiple times now, and every time, I can’t stop until I finish. And then I want to move along to the next book immediately. It manages to keep up a great pace and still build up to an exciting climax. Schwab’s lyrical writing is not flowery, but it draws the reader in and carries them along the story effortlessly. It’s very engaging and accessible language, which makes it a good stepping stone into adult fantasy (especially if you’re coming from YA).

Overall, I really enjoyed this book. The representation that it gets praised so highly for is disappointing, but aside from that I enjoyed most of the characters and the writing was beautiful. The plot and world were engaging and made me want to read the second book immediately (even though I’m on my 3rd or 4th reread). I would recommend this book for fans of YA fantasy who want to get into adult fantasy - this book is categorized as adult, but I found it a lot easier to read than other adult fantasies. For me, this book is a reminder that you can recognize the flaws in a book and still enjoy it, so remember to stay critical, even of your favorite books :)

[eyreguide]

5 Things I Learned About Jane Eyre

A few years ago I was interviewed by a UK based educational company in preparation for their release of content about the Brontës aimed for teachers and students. Sadly the company, Train of Thought Productions, seems to be no more, but at the time they sent me a complimentary copy of the DVD titled “Brontës in Context”.  Unfortunately I believe it is hard to find now, but I found it a very interesting examination of the Brontës’ lives and work.

The Jane Eyre section of the DVD was especially illuminating.  I’ve never studied Jane Eyre in school, and although I've read critical texts about the story, there are schools of thoughts that I haven’t really explored.   Jane Eyre is such an intertextually rich story, that I should have anticipated that this DVD would be eye-opening in unexpected ways. So this post is about the things I learned from the "Brontës in Context" DVD. 

1st Person Narration

Okay, I do know that Jane Eyre is written in the first person. And I know that because the novel has a first person POV, the reader is drawn more into Jane's story, her spirit and her fiery nature. But one comment from a professor on the DVD really struck me - the idea that Jane addresses the reader personally (by saying "reader") more and more as the story progresses. "Reader, I married him." being the famous example. I was curious though to see if that was really true, so I went to the Gutenberg online copy and did a search - in the scroll bar, there are little yellow ticks that show where the word comes up in the text, so I took a screenshot of that bar to illustrate (I made the scroll bar horizontal).

From left to right: The beginning of Jane Eyre to the end

Again the yellow marks are every time Jane says "reader" (which is not absolutely accurate since there are like three times it's in the novel, and it's not addressing the reader of the book) But it's true that Jane does directly reach out to the reader more as the novel progresses. The professor on the DVD explains it as Jane wanting to take control of her story, and one way she does this is by correcting the reader's thoughts - by giving them the truth directly. I thought that was a fascinating and accurate explanation of the purpose of Jane addressing the reader.

Bluebeard

To me, Jane Eyre is most succinctly compared to two fairy tales - Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast. I am aware of a Bluebeard connection, but I feel like the aforementioned tales encompasses the story more. But after watching this DVD I am leaning more towards seeing Jane Eyre in a "Bluebeard" light. Especially as Jane Eyre is a Gothic novel, and Bluebeard fits that genre the best of these three tales. There's a "secret at its heart" (quote from the DVD) which is a thoughtful encapsulation of both stories. And there was a comment made by one of the professors that placed the reader of the novel as the curious Bluebeard wife, reading the novel to discover the secret. Such an interesting idea! (And does that mean that Mr. Rochester is my husband??)

St. John and Helen

The role of religion is touched on in the DVD, and there was a thought that the character of St. John Rivers (who is not a bad person, but is kind of unforgivably self-righteous - oh, just me?) hearkens back to Jane's friend Helen Burns.  Helen is such a positive character and St. John considerably less so, that I initally felt it's almost a slur on Helen to link the two. But in the context of what the professor on the DVD said it makes sense -  they are similar in that they 'quash physical desires'.  And in that way I can understand why Jane would be drawn to them - they both encourage Jane to embrace a devotion to God and reason, at a time when her passionate nature is giving her the most pain. Unfortunately for St. John, his function later in the novel means he also has to show Jane that living such a cold, dispassionate life is not for her. And hey, both Helen and St. John meet untimely ends. Which to my mind is Charlotte making a harsh judgement on the idea of living just for God.

Jane and Injustice

Here's something that is hugely appealing to me about this novel. The novel can be pointed to as a feminist work, and Jane is speaking out for women everywhere, but what I love about Jane is that it's not her treatment as a woman that makes her upset. She's really angry at injustice. And the whole misogyny thing is just a part of that. It really took this DVD to drive that home to me. Jane is so passionate about what she feels is not right - the inability of Mrs. Reed to love her, the treatment of the girls at Lowood, the way Mr. Rochester speaks of Bertha, St. John Rivers not wanting to marry Rosamund Oliver. It's a glorious aspect to her character and reminds me of a line from an old sixties adaptation of the novel - Mr. Rochester calls Jane "the small crusader, pitiless with righteousness and rectitude." Rochester was a little harsh with that line, but I do like the 'small crusader' imagery. (In the 1961 adaptation he's more perturbed than happy that Jane's come back to him after he's been blinded and can not be the kind of man he wants to be for her.)

Postcolonialism

The DVD touches on three critical schools of thought in connection to Jane Eyre - Feminism, Marxism and Postcolonialism. And I learned two things in relation to the last one - what Postcolonialism is exactly, and that I really don't like seeing Jane Eyre in that context. In a nutshell, Postcolonialism is looking at the imperialist, British attitude as represented by Mr. Rochester as rich white guy, and Bertha as poor Creole woman. And Bertha's relation to Jane as a dark mirror. There's even a book written with those themes called Wide Sargasso Sea which is a prequel to Jane Eyre. It's from Bertha's viewpoint. I didn't care for the book actually. The thing with me is, I am sympathetic to Mr. Rochester. And I don't really see how you can accept the view that Mr. Rochester is a lying, manipulative scoundrel with no redeeming qualities and still like the novel or Jane. Because Jane - the character to whom the reader is intimately involved and invested in - chooses Mr. Rochester in the end, as the person who makes her the happiest. And if you love Jane because she is an intelligent, moral, capable heroine, as we have gotten to know her and rely on her throughout this story - it's silly to think she is so mistaken as to have made a horrible choice in the end. Also she is telling her story with 10 years distance, and not repenting her decision. She is happy, so what more could anyone ask for?

But back to Postcolonialism and why it does not gel with me; because I also feel like making a story called JANE EYRE, with the first person narration by said JANE EYRE, and then evaluating the story through NOT the main character is kind of ridiculous. Jane Eyre is such a personal journey, that I feel it's a big leap to talk about the novel like Charlotte Brontë was seriously examining slavery/race and British imperialism. If one chooses to see Bertha as completely innocent and horrendously mistreated, at least let it be because Mr. Rochester has misjudged her and acted unsympathetically, before saying it's obviously a master/slave dynamic. And I will just insert this excerpt of a letter that Charlottë Bronte wrote in response to some comments on Bertha:

Miss Kavanagh's view of the Maniac coincides with Leigh Hunt's. I agree with them that the character is shocking, but I know that it is but too natural. There is a phase of insanity which may be called moral madness, in which all that is good or even human seems to disappear from the mind and a fiend-nature replaces it. The sole aim and desire of the being thus possessed is to exasperate, to molest, to destroy, and preternatural ingenuity and energy are often exercised to that dreadful end. The aspect in such cases, assimilates with the disposition; all seems demonized. It is true that profound pity ought to be the only sentiment elicited by the view of such degradation, and equally true is it that I have not sufficiently dwelt on that feeling; I have erred in making horror too predominant. Mrs. Rochester indeed lived a sinful life before she was insane, but sin is itself a species of insanity: the truly good behold and compassionate it as such.

- Charlottë Bronte to W.S. Williams, written 4 January 1848

For me, the interesting points in the letter being Charlotte was (later?) more sympathetic to Bertha's plight, but not condemnatory of Mr. Rochester - she mentions that Bertha has led a sinful life before she was insane and that because of the nature of Bertha's insanity (as Charlotte wrote and understood it), it was probably too easy to 'demonize' her from the character's POV, which shouldn't happen to someone who is truly compassionate. Obviously Mr. Rochester doesn't get points in the philanthropy department which is noted by Jane early on. I understand and completely believe that Bertha's situation is awful and sad in so many ways, but I don't feel that it is important enough to the novel to base interpretations of the story on. Yet can I point out that Mr. Rochester didn't lock up Bertha for funnsies - it would have been so much easier for him if she were not mad because then he could divorce her. (The law at the time being that you could not divorce your wife if she was diagnosed insane.) If he could have let her go to have a normal life and not been responsible if she attacked people, he probably would have been all over that.

To wrap up, I am saddned that this DVD is not widely available any more (at least my google searches have not been fruitful) because it was a very well concieved educational program.  This DVD was sent to me in 2015, and I’m revisiting it, by posting this on my blog.  I orginally posted this on a former blog.  And I believe this post once featured on the Train of Thought Productions website, but sadly that site is no more.

[ljones41]

"SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" (2019) Review

"SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" (2019) Review The Marvel Cinematic Universe finally ended its third phase with the release of its second Spider-man movie called "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME". Released after the franchise's mega hit, "THE AVENGERS: ENDGAME", this second Spider-man movie is regarded as a follow-up to the previous film.

Set in June 2024, eight months after "ENDGAME", former S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nicholas Fury and his top aide, Maria Hill, investigate an unnatural sandstorm and discover it was created by a creature known as an Earth Elemental. A super-powered man from an alternate universe named Quentin Beck arrives to help them fight the creature. In New York City, those students who had been killed by Thanos' Snap and revived by the Hulk's "Blip" prepare to finish out the school year they had been forced to repeat. Among them are Peter Parker aka Spider-man and his fellow members of the school's academic decathlon team, who the school rewards with a two-week European vacation. Still grieving over the death of Tony Stark aka Iron Man, Peter anticipates enjoying the trip and using it as an opportunity to confess his growing feelings for fellow classmate, Michelle "MJ" Jones. However, while the Midtown students are in Venice, Italy; Peter is contacted by Fury, who delivers a pair of glasses equipped with an Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) called E.D.I.T.H. that had been given to him via Stark's will. E.D.I.T.H. was an augmented reality security, defense and artificial tactical intelligence system. Fury also asks Peter to help him, Hill and Beck to deal with a new threat to Earth, the Elementals. Longing to spend time with MJ, Peter rejects Fury's request. But when a Water Elemental threatens to overwhelm Venice, Peter dons a new Spider-man suit given to him by Fury and Hill and helps Beck deal with this new threat. I might as well be frank. I was not a fan of 2017's "SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING". I simply thought it was a badly written film with very little imagination. I also consider it to be one of the worst films within the MCU franchise. I never had a problem with Tom Holland as Peter Parker aka Spider-man. But with Jon Watts back as director, I had doubts that my feelings for "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" would be the same . . . or similar. I did not think that this sequel to "HOMECOMING" would be a vast improvement over the 2017 movie. And this is why a family member literally had to drag my ass . . . wait a minute. I should be more honest. I had every intention to see "FAR FROM HOME". It was the only major film that was being released around the Fourth of July holiday and I needed something to do. So, was the movie worth a trip to the theaters? One of the joys I had managed to derive from "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" were its European locations. I have not been that impressed by the photography featured in many of the MCU films. But I could not help but be impressed by cinematographer Matthew J. Lloyd's work in this film. I found it unusually sharp and colorful for this franchise. And it did help that he had utilized his talent for scenes shot in Venice, Prague and London. I also felt that Leigh Folsom Boyd and Dan Lebental's special effects had enhanced Lloyd's work. Another aspect of "FAR FROM HOME" that impressed me were the special effects created for the Elementals. Another aspect of the film that I enjoyed were the performances. Tom Holland gave his usual excellent performance as Peter Parker aka Spider-man. Samuel L. Jackson's portrayal of Nick Fury proved to be a bit more skillful than usual, deliberately conveying the idea that Fury seemed to be a bit off in this story. This was due to the fact that his old Skrull friend from "CAPTAIN MARVEL", Talos, was impersonating him. I thought Jake Gyllenhaal gave the best performance as the costumed vigilante Quentin Beck aka Mysterio, whose sincere and warm manner hid a possibly sinister agenda. I was pleasantly surprised by Zendaya, who gave a more nuanced performance as Peter's new love interest Michelle "M.J." Jones than she did in "HOMECOMING". However, I remained unimpressed by her screen chemistry with Holland. There was another screen pair that proved to be surprisingly impressive was Jacob Batalon and Angourie Rice, who portrayed Ned Leeds and Betty Brandt, Peter's roommates. Thanks to their performances, I really enjoyed Ned and Betty's summer romance that took everyone by surprise. The movie also featured funny performances from Tony Revolori, J.B. Smoove, Martin Starr, Marisa Tomei, Jon Favreau and a surprising cameo from J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson. The only real disappointing performance came from Cobie Smulders as Maria Hill. She seemed to be used as background, instead of a supporting character. I blame the writers. Thanks to the European locations, Matthew J. Lloyd's cinematography and the cast's performances, I can honestly say that I enjoyed "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" . . . more than I did 2017's "HOMECOMING". But despite the above, I was still disappointed with the film. There was simply too much about this movie that rubbed me the wrong way. And I find this sad, considering that Spider-man has always been my favorite Marvel Comics character for years. The main aspect about this movie that irritated me was the main villain's goal. The Disney/Marvel publicity machine had hinted for months that "FAR FROM HOME" would explore the aspects of an alternate universe. In fact, the Mysterio character was supposed to be from an alternate universe who had arrived in this one to defend Earth against the Elementals. Instead, this all proved to be cheap plot twist that originated from revenge. The main villain, Quentin Beck, was a former Stark Interprises employee, who had been fired by the late Tony Stark for his unstable personality. Stark had also stolen Beck's holographic technology for his own private use, embittering the latter even further. With Tony dead, Beck settled with deceiving Peter Parker into handing over E.D.I.T.H. to him. I could not believe what this story had been reduced to . . . another Spider-man movie in which the main villain had a grudge against Tony Stark. Then again, I should have known better. For some reason, the movie's narrative seemed unwilling to touch upon or explore any grief that Peter may have experience over Tony's death. I take that back. The movie featured one scene in which Peter and Tony's former security chief, Happy Hogan, did discuss the dead Avenger. But there were no other scenes in which Peter dealt with the emotional consequences of Tony's death. Instead, he spent most of the movie being torn between plotting to win M.J.'s love and "helping" Beck and Fury deal with the Elementals. Which would have been fine with me, considering my dislike of Tony Stark. But instead of allowing Peter to face the emotional consequences of Tony's death, the movie included scenes of Robert Downey Jr.'s mug being plastered on a wall or a billboard or in a dream. After I saw Downey Jr.'s face for the fourth time, I had to fight the urge to throw something at the movie screen. It was sooooo fucking annoying. What I found even more annoying is that for the second time, the main antagonist's villainy sprung from some past action of Tony Stark's. The Marvel Cinematic Universe has managed to make two of Spider-man's well-known villains more about Iron Man, instead of him. I still find it ridiculous that the MCU seems hellbent upon making Spider-man's villains more about Iron Man, instead of Spider-man. And then there was the matter of E.D.I.T.H. Why on earth would any responsible adult will a dangerous piece of technology like E.D.I.T.H. to an adolescent? Why? Why did the screenwriters treat this dangerous and irresponsible action on Tony's part as a source of comedy? Come to think of it . . . when did Tony make this decision to bequeath the glasses to Peter? During the last five years of his life, Peter had been dead, thanks to Thanos' snap in "THE AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR". He had been resurrected at less than two hours before Tony's death. So, when did Tony decide to bequeath E.D.I.T.H. to Peter? Had he included this legacy in his will before the events of "INFINITY WAR"? If so, why did he fail to change his will following Peter's death? Especially, since he and Pepper Potts managed to get marry and conceive a daughter? Or did he create a new will, while building a time machine (MASSIVE EYE ROLL) for the Avengers? I have never heard of anything so stupid in my life . . . even for a comic book movie. One more thing - how did Quentin Beck and his co-conspirators discover that Tony had bequeathed E.D.I.T.H. to Peter? Was Tony stupid enough to post his will electronically? And why in God's name would the MCU allow Tony to create something so dangerous and not treat it so seriously? What was the franchise thinking? I had assumed that "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" would explore the aftereffects of both Thanos' snap and the Blip that had resurrected Peter and others who had been killed by the former. It barely did. The movie revealed that Peter and his aunt, May Parker, were helping other resurrected victims of the Snap in Queens, New York; who had had returned to life to find themselves homeless by staging some kind of fundraiser with Spider-man. I had learned via the MCU Wiki page that May Parker had also been killed by the Snap. I find this odd, considering that the same website had made it clear that she had survived the Snap back in 2018. And if both Peter and May had been killed by the Snap, why did they NOT end up homeless after being resurrected? How did May resume her profession (whatever it is) after five years? How did she get her money back? Did her bank refund her money following her resurrection? The more I think about Peter and May's situation regarding the Snap and the Blip, the more I find myself disgusted with the MCU's handling of its overall narrative. Audiences never saw May deal with the discovery that her nephew was Spider-man. Audiences never saw Peter and May struggle after their resurrection. It seemed as if the screenwriters of this movie had become emotional cowards. Or perhaps I should simply label Kevin Feige as an emotional coward? I have noticed that in past movies, he has never allowed the franchise to deal with the aftermath of serious events. At least not in the movies. "AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D." had to deal with the aftermath of the agency's fall back in 2014. The series had to deal with the rise of Inhumans - something that the movies never touched upon since the topic first came up back in 2014/2015. And now, it seemed apparent that the MCU seems unwilling to deal the aftermath of both the Snap and the Blip. Looking back, "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" was the wrong movie to follow "THE AVENGERS: ENDGAME". It was willing to be some ham-fisted ode to Tony Stark, but it was obviously unwilling to explore how people like Peter and May Parker dealt with their deaths and their resurrections. Speaking of the Snap . . . guess who else got killed? All of Peter's friends from his school's Academic Decathalon Team. ALL OF THEM - Michelle M.J. Jones, Ned Leeds, "Flash" Thompson and Betty Brandt. All of them. All of them had been killed by Thanos' Snap and resurrected by the Blip. All of them. You cannot imagine how much I found this incredibly contrived. According to the movie's narrative, those students who had been killed and resurrected were given a two-week trip to Europe during the summer. So . . . Peter, his four remaining companions from the last film, and a handful of other students were the only ones from Midtown School of Science and Technology who had undergone the Snap and the Blip? Just them? How convieeeennent. By the way, this was a shoddily planned trip. The movie never featured them visiting any place of academic interest. No one discussed or brought up the possible trauma of being killed and resurrected. No one. And when did Peter become interested in Michelle "M.J." Jones? Audiences last saw her casually conversing with Peter at the end of "HOMECOMING", while he was mourning the end of his relationship with Liz, Adrian Toomes aka the Vulture's daughter. Sometime between the 2017 movie and this one, he became attracted to M.J. My God, how frustrating! It almost reminds me of the rushed development of Princess Leia Organa and Han Solo's relationship in the STAR WARS Original Trilogy. At least in that franchise, "STAR WARS: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE" revealed hints of Han finding Leia attractive. I saw no such hints in Peter's feelings for M.J. by the end of "HOMECOMING". So . . . when did he fall for her? I was also surprised about how Nick Fury aka Talos managed to change the group's itinerary at short notice in order to get Peter to continue with the so-called "Elemental threat". How did he achieve this without alerting the school board or the travel agency? This made no sense to me. Speaking of the fake Nick Fury and Maria Hill . . . why? Why on earth would Fury allow two aliens (even if they were friendly) to impersonate him and Hill? Why? If he was on vacation, he should have immediately cancelled it when the so-called "Elemental threat" first appeared. But he did not. Why? This is not how someone as paranoid as Fury would behave. Was he really on vacation? This whole scenario regarding his identity was simply a joke to me. After the joke about his eye in "CAPTAIN MARVEL", it seems as if the MCU is hell bent upon making him the franchise's punch line. Has Kevin Feige recently developed a grudge against Samuel L. Jackson or something? It was worse for Hill/Soren since she/he barely said a fucking word. By the way, what has Fury been doing since the breakup of the Avengers? Which government agency was he working for when the Snap happened? Or was he operating his own security firm? How did the Snap and Blip affect his livelihood? I get the feeling that the MCU will never explain anything. I would discuss the movie's ending, which featured Peter's identity as Spider-man being exposed by Beck or one of his colleagues. But I was too disgusted with the film to overall care. I am certain - or I hope - that this issue will be addressed in what I HOPE will be the final MCU Spider-man movie. Granted, I enjoyed the film's photography and the European locations. I enjoyed the performances of the cast led by Tom Holland. I especially enjoyed Jake Gyllenhaal's performance. And I enjoyed the romance between the Ned Leeds and Betty Brant characters (they eventually got married in Marvel Comics). Unfortunately, the sloppiness and laziness of the film's writing, the narrative's unwillingness to address issues from the last two Avengers films, the heavy-handed ode to Tony Stark and Jon Watts' mediocre direction has led me to regard "SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME" as a complete bust. This is the second time that a MCU Spider-man movie has completely disappointed me. I really wish that Sony Pictures would resume producing Spider-man movies without any output from the MCU. I really do.

[lululeighsworld]

A New Home For Flowers

Home is where one feels comfort, enjoys time with family, and makes new memories. Although he’s experienced many homes over his life, Gunter has found that they’ve always been accompanied by flowers.

Happy Birthday Gunter!! I really am so grateful for FEH because it’s given me so many new avenues for expressing my love. And of course, please enjoy!

If you are interested in learning more about Gunter’s family and the Duet Mountains, please consider reading As the Sun Sets in June (the birthday fic I wrote last year) and As the Flowers Bloom in Spring by UntramenTaro!

On AO3

At some point in our lifetime, each one of us will find a place that they will call home. For some of this world, a pair of towns nestled into the valley of a Nohrian mountain range was where many made a place for themselves. The atmosphere of the Duet Mountains in the late spring was especially peaceful, and also a rewarding escape to anyone who wanted to clear their mind of the ongoing war. Here in this town children ran around without fear of attack, able to enjoy the warm days brought along with the arrival of June. 

“Papa papa! Look at these I found in the garden!”

The small girl with brunette braids came bouncing in through the opened front door, grasping a bundle of bright yellow flowers in her tiny hands. Katerina had taken a liking to spending time outdoors in the sunshine as of late, often returning home with great stories of what she did or interesting events she had seen. She was an explorer and a storyteller, but at the core she was the most precious person on this earth next to the Great Knight’s wife. Gunter smiled as she ran over to him, wondering what in particular had made her so excited about these flowers.

“My my, now what do we have here? And what do you think you’re going to do with those?”

“They’re for you silly! A present for Papa’s birthday!” She extended the small collection of flowers towards him, feeling quite proud of her gift.

“Thank you very much Katerpillar. However, don’t you think it would have been best to leave them in the ground so they can grow?”

“But I wanted to give them to you… I wanted Papa to keep them...” Katerina sulked, believing that her father wasn’t happy with her actions. Gunter pondered to himself for a moment, before ruffling his daughter’s hair and getting up from his seat.

“I have an idea actually… how about Papa keeps them in a book so that he can look back at them whenever he likes?”

“In a book? Are the flowers going to stay alive in there?”

“No no sweetie. We’re going to turn them into pressed flowers. It’s when you leave them in a book to dry. They become quite fragile but are also very beautiful.” Gunter had moved to the small bookcase on the other side of the room and picked up a well-worn notebook that had been sitting on it. “See? There’s a flower in here that your mother gave me a long time ago.” He flipped open the notebook to one page instinctively, as though he had done the action one hundred times. Katerina gasped as he showed her what lay inside: a singular purple flower that she recognized from the nearby fields adorning the page.

“Oh wow! So you can put these flowers in there too?”

“Mhmm. That way, no matter where I travel, I will always have them with me. How does that sound, my little Katerpillar?”

The little girl’s eyes twinkled, a big smile spreading across her face. “I want to fill Papa’s book with lots and lots of flowers!”

It was a beautiful sunny day for the kingdom of Askr, and Leigh, who had been searching for something to do that afternoon, had convinced Gunter to travel down to the market with them. The two had gone their separate ways to look around the various shops and stalls, each taking their time to examine the merchandise that vendors had to offer. Once Leigh had made a few small purchases and completed all the browsing they felt like doing, they went off to find where the other had wandered to. Gunter had not even realized how much time he had spent in one store that specialized in books and writing materials, daydreaming in one of the back corners of another world and time. The old knight had been standing like a statue in front of the shelves full of books for who knew how long, and Leigh gently tapped his shoulder in hopes of bringing him back to reality. Gunter blinked for a moment as his mind returned to the present, and looked down to Leigh, who wore an expression of curiosity on their face.

“Gunter? Do you see something you want?”

“Ah no, it’s quite alright. Have you finished your shopping? We should be on our way back to the castle soon so as to not miss dinner, don’t you agree?” Gunter smiled as he took a few steps away from the shelf, avoiding any conversation by exiting the store to go and fetch his horse, Sascha. Leigh was stuck wondering what had caught the old man’s attention as they too made their departure, eyeing the bookshelf from the front window one last time with an inquisitive look before leaving for the day.

Although not intentional, the thoughts concerning the book disappeared from Gunter's mind in the following weeks, the old knight preoccupied with training, battles, and other important events. Thanks to the calendar provided by Leigh, he grew more and more conscious that his birthday would soon arrive. While in recent years his birthdays had been quite enjoyable with the help of Corrin, he couldn't help but reflect on what it might be like if his family were here to celebrate with him. Nothing could ever replace his wife and daughter completely, and even though he was certain that the Order of Heroes of Askr would make his birthday special, there was no denying that a small part of him yearned to travel back to those old times.

Waking at his usual time, Gunter noted that the day had started relatively normal, save for the birthday greetings from Leigh and Corrin as soon as he opened his door. Despite his wish to keep the date of his birth under the radar, he supposed that it would be impossible to avoid the trio of youngsters.  After breakfast, which Leigh insisted he stay seated for—it was his birthday after all, and as such, he deserved to be treated extra special—came the usual training. A few others from Nohr also remembered his birthday, and even Jakob tried to be civil towards him on the battlefield. During his mid-afternoon walk around the castle, he occasionally saw Leigh around the grounds, who waved to him despite being busy with their own duties. As the day wore on, and the afternoon turned to evening, Gunter settled himself into his own quarters, allowing a moment to himself for his own thoughts.

“Is now a bad time?” Leigh knocked first before they spoke and poked their head in the door, happy to find Gunter in the first place they thought he might be. He turned to look at them from where he sat in front of the window, and gestured for them to enter.

“It’s never a bad time if it involves you. Please come in, Leigh.”

As they entered the room, Gunter noticed that their appearance seemed a bit odd. He wasn’t sure if his old eyes were tired or if it was a trick of the light, but Gunter couldn’t help but notice that it looked as though Leigh had been crying. “Is everything alright? You seem a little—”

“A-ah I’m fine! It’s just… allergies and such I guess. Must be too much pollen in the air.” Leigh laughed nervously, lowering their hood with one hand while keeping the other tucked behind their back. Gunter didn’t seem truly convinced, however, he decided to play along for the moment.

“So I see. And, what can I do for you on this fine evening?”

“R-right! I wanted to give this to you.” Leigh pulled out a rectangular object wrapped in brown paper and adorned with a twine ribbon from their pocket, handing it over to him. “I know I already said this to you early, but Happy Birthday Gunter.”

“And what’s this now? Oh my, this is from—”

“I saw you eyeing those books at the market the other day, and since you wouldn’t tell me, I figured I’d do some research myself. Corrin said you use to carry a small book around with you that you kept pressed flowers in, and I thought maybe you might want to start a new one here for Askr.”

Gunter looked at them with astounding disbelief. Leigh was always quite attentive, but a present with as much meaning as this left him baffled. He ran his index finger over the cover of the book, decorated with a gold trim along the edge. He would be certain to take extremely good care of this book and fill it with all the many flowers he discovered in Askr.

“Aaaaand that's not all! A little something to get you started.” Leigh pulled out a bouquet of flowers from behind their back, offering it to him as well. The arrangement was quite colourful, some of the flowers reminding him of those which he had seen back in Nohr and others that were entirely new. His eyes settled on one of the purple flowers, returning him back to that time during the spring festival of the Duet Mountains. The old knight smiled at the thought; however, his daydreaming was interrupted by Leigh sneezing. He couldn't help but laugh, the reason they seemed so irritated finally dawning on him.

“Come now, let’s get those flowers into a vase and a damp cloth for your eyes. Is there anything else I can get for you to help with your allergies?” Gunter asked as he set the bouquet down on the table and stood up, closing the distance between them. Leigh sneezed again and dabbed at their runny eyes with their long sleeves, attempting to relieve some of the itchiness.

“I should be fine, maybe just a lot of kisses would help quicken the process?” Leigh laughed, and while it had been a joke, Gunter took it in all seriousness, moving in to place a kiss on their forehead.

“Does that help?”

“Mhmm, I think I’ll need a couple of more though for it really to kick in.”

The old man laughed, and brought Leigh in for a warm hug, pressing a kiss to the top of their head. “Anything for you, Leigh.”

The remainder of the night was rather peaceful as the pair shared a pot of their favourite tea before bed. Leigh told stories to Gunter about where around the castle grounds they had found the various flowers. Apparently Askr was also well known for its various species of flora and fauna. Fields of flowers that stretch for miles, Gunter recalled as he lay in bed trying to fall asleep. Leigh laid next to him, already passed out thanks to the allergy medication, which had made them incredibly tired. He would one day love to take Leigh out to visit those fields, in hopes of collecting new specimens that he could one day look back upon.

Yes, just as in that world, he would also make lots of new memories here in this one too, alongside those who made him feel like he had a place to belong to. Once again, he had found a place to call his home.

[lainejunemarie-blog]

004 – Series and Book – Shadow and Bone

I’ve been so occupied lately that I thought I wouldn’t be able to finish writing this bit up, but one weekend after realizing I haven’t stepped a foot out of home for two weeks straight, I realized that I should be doing something expressive and fun with my personal life and finally had this done!

It’s been awhile since I last wrote something about a series that I was interested in, but after an excruciating wait and long exploration, the search is finally over because our dear Quarantine Buddy, Netflix, (also the possible stalking of Ben Barnes’ IG posts) has presented us with a new series to go crazy for, Shadow and Bone. The series was aired on Netflix last 23rd of April 2021, inspired by the trilogy and duology written by Leigh Bardugo. I am very grateful to Leigh Bardugo for writing such a great fantasy world that I had to read the books as soon as I was done watching the series. Did I finish watching Shadow and Bones in a day? Absolutely. Is it worth watching over and over again until you could remember all the lines? Why not? I’ll be mentioning my favorite characters in the series and in the books, I really got to hand it you, choosing a favorite character is so difficult when all of them are more than worthy of praise and admiration.

Before proceeding to my favorite characters, I’d like to share some terms we need to familiarize ourselves with to be able to enjoy the story. These definitions are just the basic and are based on how I understood them by watching the series and reading the books, (of course it’s always better if you guys watch the Shadow and Bone series or read the books for a better explanation):

1. The fold / The unsea – defined as the literal and physical version of darkness where dangerous creatures lurk within that was created by the Darkling.

2. Volcra – are the dangerous beings who live within the darkness of the fold that are huge, have sharp teeth and can also fly.

3. Ravka – one of the main locations where the story takes place where Grisha are well-protected

4. Shu Han – a rival territory of Ravka whose people experiment on Grisha to find the source of their power or use them as slaves.

5. Fjerda – also a rival territory of Ravka whose people who would attack Grisha out of spite and sees them as evil beings.

6. First Army – is the King of Ravka’s army who are human.

7. Grisha – beings who are capable of doing “little science” and are soldiers of the King of Ravka’s second Army.

a. Darkling – Grisha who could summon the darkness

b. Sun Summoner – Grisha who could summon light

c. Heartrenders – Grisha who could control the blood flow in a human’s body

d. Healers – Grisha who could heal injuries

e. Squallers – Grisha who could summon air

f. Inferni – Grisha who could summon fire

g. Tidemakers – Grisha who could summon water

h. Durasts – Grisha who could invent and mend things with different materials naturally

i. Alkemi – Grisha who could invent and create things with chemicals and/or herbs

Now that that part is covered let me share my favorite characters:

In the Netflix series:

Jesper Fahey

I really like Jesper (Kit Young), one of the crows who works for Kaz. He’s so full of energy and charm that it is so hard not to get magnetized by him. If he were a real person, he’d be that reliable friend who would help you commit murder and not question you about it. He’s got that kind of loyalty. He’s also that person who lights up a room when he enters not only because of his presence but also because of his friendliness and cockiness that isn’t annoying but would make you feel like you’re not a stranger. The downside is that he’s got a gambling problem and is too confident to think that he’s actually lose at a wager so that’s one thing to look out for.

Nina Zenik and Matthias

I am so inlove with Nina (Danielle Galligan) and Matthias (Calahan Skogman)! From their first scene, wait, maybe the second one (based on their conversation) where they actually got to talk to each other, you could really feel their chemistry and just know that they’re going to end up together! They’re small arguments make them seem like an old couple and the way how they’re not supposed to be together because of who they were just makes it all the more romantic. Who isn’t a sucker for forbidden love anyway? I am so craving to see more of them in Season 2!

In the Books:

Alina Starkov and Malyen Oretsev

These two are great individually but I’m going to tell you right now that I’m a softie for love and Alina and Mal are just made for each other! If they were real people and I just within reach I would’ve bashed them in the head and say, “Don’t you two get it? The universe is telling you that you belong together! So does Leigh Bardugo in every ending of the book before Ruin Rising so just stay still and together will you?!” Haha. But seriously, they really own each other’s’ hearts. Alina was so relatable in different parts of the books which makes me empathize and root for her. It’s amazing to see how she’s transformed from someone who didn’t have much self-confidence to someone who realizes just how powerful she truly is. Mal on the other hand, is almost perfect from the start, what’s not to like? But what I did like is how we were also able to see his human side in Siege and Storm which just makes him annoyingly admirable. Thank you so much again Leigh!

Sturmhond / Nikolai Lantsov

I am so excited to see Nik if ever Season 2 comes out. I think after reading the book my bar for him is quite high. He’s a looker, brilliant and absolutely amazing. It’s like he’s ready for anything and everything. He’s a born leader who really cares for others and knows exactly what needs to be done. If only I had his confidence then I think I would handle anything with his grace and smart-assed-ness in a very polite manner. What I would like to see is for him and for Jesper to meet. I think they would get along really well and do all kinds of shenanigans!

This is all I have for now but I am on my next adventure to read the Six of Crows duology and very excited to dive deeper into the Grishaverse.

[reading-while-queer]

Six of Crows, Leigh Bardugo

Rating: Great Read Genre: Fantasy Representation: -Gay/bi protagonists (ensemble) -Two protagonists of color (ensemble) -Disabled protagonist (ensemble) -Mentally ill protagonist (unspecified, trauma related) Note: Not sexually explicit Trigger warnings: Violence, Death, Graphic injury, Fantasy drug abuse, Rape/sex trafficking/CSA (not in scene; character backstory), Guns, Slavery, Racism (exotification), Genocide (explicit; Holocaust metaphor)

Six of Crows was a great read, hands down.  It was not without its problems, but I want to focus first on how it was successful. I read Six of Crows—a hefty tome, to say the least--in a little over a month.  I couldn’t put it down.  Bardugo does an excellent job maintaining tension and keeping the plot rolling, which is especially impressive considering the frequency with which her characters recall the past.  What I liked the best was the unpredictable nature of the plot.  Bardugo holds back just enough information to keep the reader guessing without becoming frustrated.  This is done expertly by telling the story through multiple character perspectives.  The reader worries alongside them that they will never to be able to get out of the latest mess they’ve gotten themselves into—until another character reveals they have planned for this all along.  It’s a narrative trick that Bardugo uses again and again—and damned if it doesn’t work every time.

The premise of Six of Crows is that a ragtag team of criminals are hired to break into an impenetrable palace and rescue a political prisoner before said prisoner is either killed or coerced into releasing the secret formula to a super-drug that transforms magic-using Grisha into human weapons.  Six of Crows is a heist novel, which isn’t my usual cup of tea, but it helps that the characters aren’t suave spies who know exactly what they’re doing. Bardugo does a great job humanizing her cast.  They have weaknesses from gambling to trauma to romantic crushes.  They don’t know that they are going to get out of this heist alive, but the money is too good to turn down, and each of them have a desperate need for it.  The fact that the main cast themselves aren’t confident they will pull of their heist adds to the tension and makes for some delightful storytelling.

Beyond pacing and plot, I felt that the characters were well developed and had interesting dynamics with one another.  They had fears, weaknesses, allegiances, histories, and relationships that grew and changed as the story progressed.  I won’t spoil any romances beyond saying that there are a few, and that I was, for the most part, satisfied with their progression.

As for representation, I had heard that I would have to get through this book to get to the sequel before any queer relationships began to develop.  While it’s true that there is no queer romance in book one, two characters in Six of Crows are clearly queer—they don’t necessarily have to get together for them to be valid representation.  They flirt, they dance around the possibility of reciprocated feelings, and it’s all very cute.  Most importantly of all, they have character traits beyond their queerness—it isn’t central to their motivation, which is refreshing.

The straight romance is hit or miss.  One couple has an extremely satisfying progression to their relationship.  But the other romance is so aggravating that it makes me reconsider rating Six of Crows so highly.  Which brings me to the Holocaust metaphor.  In Bardugo’s fantasy world, Grisha, or magic users of various disciplines, are persecuted by the reactionary Fjerdan government.  Fjerda is at war with Ravka, which boasts the Second Army, all of them Grisha magic users collected from various nations where being Grisha puts them at risk of slavery or execution.  Fjerda’s citizenry is white, blonde haired, and blue eyed. The country is vaguely Nordic in religion and language, and its people value discipline. Of all the countries, Fjerda is the most violent towards Grisha—Grisha are perceived as less than human, and are burned to death on pyres by the elite military of Druskelle—who wear black uniforms. Fjerda is very clearly a parallel to Nazi Germany.  

This is made worse by two things:

First, Six of Crows pairs a Druskelle and Grisha romantically, which was never going to be satisfying.  I won’t give too many spoilers as far as whether they get together, but regardless of the outcome, it wasn’t a good call.  You can’t have your Holocaust metaphor and your romance, it’s like having your cake and eating it too.  The narrative wants you to pity Mattias for the torment of loving Nina while seeing her as an inhuman abomination.  The fact that Nina loves him too is incredibly frustrating considering how solid her character is otherwise.  Bardugo put forth a valiant effort to earn a romantic relationship between them, but no effort would have been enough.  I’m sure the relationship—and Mattias’ redemption arc alone—is enough to make Six of Crows a deal-breaker for some.

Second, you can’t have a heavy-handed Holocaust metaphor and also try to make the point that both sides have their problems.  The Grisha fight back, often fighting dirty, and this is used in the book to open Nina’s eyes to the Fjerdan perspective.  Which wouldn’t be so bad if Bardugo didn’t lean so hard on the Nazi metaphor, from the black uniforms to the racial coding.  Again: I can very easily see this being a deal-breaker.

And continuing on the thread of deal-breakers…I personally liked how the novel handled race and gender marginalization, but it might be triggering to some readers.  The two female protagonists are victims of slavery or sex trafficking.  Inej was trafficked into sex work before being bought out of her contract.  Nina was threatened with rape when she was captured by Druskelle.  The threat of sexual violence is a heavy weight on both of them.  Personally, I thought that it was handled well as an element of worldbuilding.  It wasn’t played for shock value.  I felt that while exploring the histories of characters from the “Barrel”—a slum in Ketterdam (fantasy Amsterdam), it would be remiss to skip over the ugliness.  Happily, while Bardugo usually doesn’t shy away from graphic brutality, she spares the reader graphic detail when it comes to sexual violence.

As for race, I felt that Bardugo constructed race in her fantasy world with careful attention to how race would be understood on a global stage that never had racial slavery. There is exoticism—“Suli (Middle Eastern) lynx,” for example, is the racial caricature foisted on Suli sex workers. Shu Han (East Asian) and Zemeni (African) people have their own caricatures as well.  But exoticism seems to be more based on nationality than race: “Fjerdan (Nordic) wolf” and “Kaelish (Irish) mare” are apparently equally dehumanizing caricatures.  The only time race plays a role in the book is in identifying people or attempting to avoid identification.  The main cast is searching for a Shu Han man, and scan prisoners for racialized features. Inej, who is Suli, likewise worries that her and Jesper’s skin tone will make them stand out in a pale-skinned Fjerdan crowd.  But discrimination doesn’t come into play.  Difference is noted, but there is no systemic oppression.  Suli and Zemeni and Shu Han characters make their way in the world unmolested.  The “White” nationalities, Kerch, Fjerdan, and Kaelish, regard each other with the same eye of difference, not common race. In their world, colonization exists, but it is just beginning.  One can sense global change on the horizon—just not quite yet.

This brings me to a spoiler-y point.  I recommend skipping this paragraph if you don’t want to be spoiled on a plot point near the end of the book.  One Kerch character (fantasy Dutch/German) elects to disguise himself as another character who doesn’t share his race/nationality.  The disguise may or may not be permanent, but the Kerch character takes the chance that he might look like another character forever.  It is necessary in order to pull off a trick Kaz is planning, but of course divorced from Bardugo’s invented world, it’s blackface/yellowface/brownface.  A lot of readers might be very uncomfortable with this. If the world of Kerch and Fjerda and Ravka were real, it wouldn’t be racist.  There is no history there that would lead to a taboo on black/brown/yellowface: it would a neutral disguise like any other.  But reading from our world, it recalls a lot of pain.  I’m not prepared to say it’s a bad thing that one character uses magic to change his appearance to match another’s out of disguise/necessity in the context of a de-racialized world.  I think that it sets up an interesting problem for the sequel--a problem that can’t be explored outside of fantasy literature--and I’m interested (if concerned) about how Bardugo will handle it.  Hopefully with more delicacy than the Druskelle/Grisha Holocaust metaphor.  Then again, much like the disaster of a Holocaust metaphor, whether or not the fantasy world justifies it doesn’t matter if it causes real world distress to readers of color.  All I can say is: read with caution.

All this, and I have said nothing about Kaz.  

The real delight of this book is Kaz Brekker, the leader of the heist and feared gang member back in Ketterdam.  His character illustrates the relationship between poverty and trauma.  The trauma is not an addendum to his character with little impact; rather, it is a part of him that shapes his relationships and impacts his ability to make decisions.  I thought the handling illustrated well how trauma integrates itself with a person.  The topic was taken seriously and handled with care.

Kaz’s physical disability is important to discuss, too—Kaz uses a cane full-time as a result of a badly healed break.  His relationship to his disability is well executed, and given that it comes from a disabled author, that is little surprise.  His cane is not a symbol of disaster, but rather, of strength.  It is his weapon as well as his mobility, and he views it as a symbol of his rise from the ashes.  With his cane, he goes from barely surviving to practically running a major gang.  

Altogether, and despite it’s marked flaws, I have decided to rate Six of Crows highly.  The idea is original and well-executed.  The characters are well developed, and you will be extremely worried for them as you read.  You’ll root for the queer characters as they slowly reveal more of themselves.  Disability, queerness, and trauma of all kinds are handled very well.  What isn’t handled well is really in bad taste--that cannot be overlooked.  I just regret that it might prohibit some readers from enjoying an otherwise great novel.

For more from Leigh Bardugo, visit her website here.

[callunavulgari]

YEAR-IN-BOOKS

I’m gonna go ahead and do this again this year, because I really like end of year reflection things and it was fun last year, so hey.

1. a book you loved?

I was fond of most of the books that I read this year and all in different ways. Last year was an absolute goldmine of awesome, amazing love this book forever types. This year I definitely had less of those, but I read more, and what’s maybe even better is that I also read a lot of books that I normally wouldn’t have. I wanna say that my favorites of the ones that I read were either The Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo or Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel.

2. a book you hated?

UGH. Artemis by Andy Weir. It is the first book that I have ever given only one star to on goodreads, and was a total waste of time. I’ve read a good half of The Martian, and even though I’ve yet to finish it, I liked what I read well enough. But as I said in my scathing goodreads review, The Martian worked for Weir because it’s one dude alone on Mars. Artemis, unfortunately, requires a full cast of characters and has a female protagonist. Weir does not know how to write women OR realistic dialogue, and following along with middle school grade humor and a woman that is basically a lady-sized cut-and-paste of Weir’s ideal wet dream. Which wouldn’t be bad, necessarily, if she wasn’t so obviously a man’s ‘idea’ of a woman, instead of an actual three dimensional character.

3. a book that made you cry?

There’s a scene at the end of Victoria Schwab’s Our Dark Duet that involves a cat. No, the cat does not die, and I don’t want to get into it because the whole reason the scene is sad is because of spoilery context, but I did end up tearing up because of that damn cat.

4. a book that made you happy?

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers is an absolute delight. It has legitimate funny moments, really well drawn out characters including several species that are so perfectly crafted that you can envision them, right down to the feathers and claws, and the story, while a little meandering, is totally great. 

5. the best sequel?

I read kind of a lot of sequels this year, but then, I also finished a lot of series this year, period. My gut reaction is to say Siege and Storm, because it’s one of the ones that I read the fastest, and the series that sticks out the most. But I’m going to say The Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo. And honestly, second up is probably Waking Gods, because holy wow, those books.

6. most anticipated release for the new year?

I’m really looking forward to Only Human, Thunderhead, and Vengeful, which are the sequels and triquels (is that a thing? that word should be a thing) to Sleeping Giants, Scythe, and Vicious, all of which I read this year and adored. The book that isn’t a sequel that I’m most looking forward to is Feeder by Patrick Weekes, which is basically about a lady that hunts monsters. It looks right up my alley and I’m super psyched.

7. favorite new author?

Technically I discover Schwab last year, but I did a lot of exploring of the books that she’s written this year and she is definitely a new favorite of mine. The other one that I’m keeping my eye on is Sylvain Neuvel, who wrote Sleeping Giants and Waking Gods. More on those books later.

8. favorite book to film adaptation?

So, the only reason that I reread A Wrinkle In Time is because of the trailer for the new movie that is coming out in March. I got incredibly excited, and am probably, if I can afford it, flying down south to watch the movie with my mom when it comes out. The Annihilation trailer also looks pretty cool, but I’m anticipating serious changes there. I did end up watching the film adaptation of Me Before You this year, which I’d read last summer. I ended up crying like a baby, and was pleasantly surprised by how much of the book they kept.

9. the most surprising book?

A Natural History of Dragons, by Marie Brennan. I’m not sure what I was expecting when I borrowed the book from the library, but it wasn’t the Pride and Prejudice with dragons that I got, and stupidly delighted by.

10. the most interesting villain?

The Grisha Trilogy, for sure. Honestly, Alina and the Darkling’s relationship was the only thing that kept me reading these books, and I was thrilled by the Darkling from the moment I realized he was the villain in Shadow and Bone all the way to the end. “Make me your villain,” indeed.

11. the best makeouts?

Okay, so Love For the Cold-Blooded was about a million times pornier than I imagined it would be, so that would get my vote for best sex, but there weirdly wasn’t much actual kissing involved. Also the fact that I didn’t like the characters or story very much probably didn’t help things. So honestly? Probably Shadow and Bone. That [SPOILER, though not much of one] scene where Alina and the Darkling make out against a wall was probably the most exhilarating scene of the entire series. Like, trust me. I know he’s the villain, bad wrong, etc. etc. but I shipped them hard. 

12. a book that was super frustrating?

Slaughterhouse Five. I didn’t actually get around to finishing it, because the version that I got was an audio cd narrated by James Franco and I just. Didn’t want to fall asleep in the middle of traffic. I don’t know if it was the story, his voice, or a combination of both but I was super uninterested in the entire situation. I gave up somewhere in the middle of the second cd.

13. a book you texted about, and the text was IN CAPSLOCK?

Okay, so the thing is. I don’t really have any friends. Not ones that I can talk to about books anyway, which is super tragic, because I love books and I miss being able to talk (read: rant) about whatever I’ve just read. I do it with Nick occasionally, but he doesn’t ‘get’ fiction so it’s mostly just me waving my hands a lot and talking rapidly in his direction as he nods and takes a couple steps back so I don’t accidentally smack him in the nose. I did, however, have a conversation with my roommate about Wool, and all the reasons why she should read it.

14. a book for the small children in your life?

Okay, but every kid should read A Wrinkle In Time. The sequels are a little... stranger than I remember, but I loved reading them as a kid, and I really loved rereading the first one as an adult. 

15. a book you learned from?

Spunk & Bite was a guide to ‘punchier’ writing, and while I wouldn’t say that I really learned anything that I didn’t already know, some things were expanded on that I found interesting. I also read some of The Islamic Enlightenment, which was pretty decent from what I read of it but a bit much for my poor ADHD brain. I think I need to stick to fiction.

16. a book you wouldn’t normally try?

A lot of the books that I read this year were things that I wouldn’t normally pick up. I think the ones that were most out of my element were Less by Andrew Sean Greer and Before the Fall by Noah Hawley. The first book is about an aging author who, when upon invited to his ex’s wedding, takes a trip around the globe in order to get out of going. My manager, who I talk to about books a lot, asked about it and was incredibly confused since it’s so far from what I usually read. Despite this, it’s probably the book that I will remember most from this year a decade down the line. Before the Fall is similarly not my usual cup of tea, about a man and a boy who survive an airplane crash. It’s a thriller/mystery, but the characters are so beautifully fleshed out that it hooked me anyway.

17. a book with something magical in it?

Technically a good half of them have magic of some sort, because that is the usual type of book that I read. I’m going to go with All The Crooked Saints by Maggie Stiefvater though, because all of her books are magical.

18. the best clothes?

As much as I would love to get away with wearing the brightly colored reaper’s robes from Scythe, I really, really adored the description of Arthur’s suit in Less. 

19. the most well-rounded characters?

That was a theme of the books that I read this year. They all had really gorgeously well-rounded characters with intricate backstories and relationships. Before the Fall was really, really good about it, as was Station Eleven, and The Secret History, though in the case of that last one you almost don’t want to get to know the characters better by the end of it.

20. the best world-building?

I really liked the world building in A Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet. I seriously can’t even begin how to describe how cool all the different species and space jargon was in this book. This is the space-faring book that I wanted Artemis to be.

21. the worst world-building?

Love For The Cold-Blooded? It’s a world of superheroes and villains, but it’s so slapstick that it takes away from the book a lot. Like, honestly if it wasn’t for the fact that I was vaguely intrigued by the hero bangs evil minion side of it, I wouldn’t have even kept reading.

22. a book with a good sidekick?

Gut-punch reaction is A Crooked Kingdom, but it’s hard to call any of those characters a sidekick. I’m going to go with The Archived, by Victoria Schwab, because I haven’t talked about the series yet and Roland and Wesley are both fantastic sidekicks. I loved them both immensely, most of the time more than the main character herself. The Unbound, its sequel, made those two even more compelling.

23. the most insufferable narrator?

Ugh, ugh, ugh, definitely Jazz from Artemis. Again, it isn’t her fault, she could have been super cool. Genius, tech-savvy, Muslim girl who lives on the moon and smuggles shit? Definitely could have been a cool character. But seriously, that dude cannot write ladies. She is literally just Mark Watney. 

24. a book you were excited to read for months beforehand?

All The Crooked Saints. But I think I’ll always be excited for Stiefvater books.

25. a book you picked up on a whim?

I picked up almost all of these because they had been recommended to me in some capacity. Spunk & Bite and The Islamic Enlightenment were both books that I picked up in the library because they simply caught my eye. Slaughterhouse Five I actually only grabbed because it was one of the only audiobooks in stock that wasn’t either Danielle Steel or Christian talky shows.

26. a book that should be read in a foreign country?

Less. I read it in a pool in North Carolina this summer and though it scratched the itch, it should entirely be read in a foreign country. 

27. a book cassian andor would like?

Sleeping... Giants? Or A Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet?

28. a book gina linetti would like?

I legitimately have no idea what this character is like.

29. your favorite cover art?

A Conjuring of Light or All The Crooked Saints. They’re both very aesthetic™

30. a book you read in translation?

None of them. Clearly I’m not getting diverse enough.

31. a book from another century?

Hah. Haha. Technically A Wrinkle In Time was written last century. Oh god, I’m getting old.

32. a book you reread?

Other than A Wrinkle In Time, which I read so long ago that it shouldn’t even be counted as a reread, I didn’t actually do any full rereads this year. I’ve been itching to reread both The Raven Cycle and Uprooted though, so maybe I’ll do those when I make my way through my library pile.

33. a book you’re dying to talk about, and why?

Okay, but seriously. Less and Station Eleven were fucking phenomenal and should be read even if you’re unsure that you will like them. I loved both of them immensely and again, I can’t rant to any of my friends and work friends about books because they look at me like I’m stupid. Also, Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman. Those were some damn good short stories.

[tracingpatterns]

Beyond the Wrong and into the Pattern

Last week, Kai Cole shocked the internet when she came clean about her ex-husband, the screenwriter and director Joss Whedon, who is best known as the creator of the television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In a scathing essay for the Wrap, Cole describes Whedon’s repeated violation of their relationship boundaries, his lying and gaslighting, and the ways that his neglect led her to compromise her integrity as she struggled to keep their 16-year marriage together:

“Joss admitted that for the next decade and a half, he hid multiple affairs and a number of inappropriate emotional ones that he had with his actresses, co-workers, fans and friends, while he stayed married to me,” Cole writes. “Despite understanding, on some level, that what he was doing was wrong, he never conceded the hypocrisy of being out in the world preaching feminist ideals, while at the same time taking away my right to make choices for my life and my body based on the truth. He said, after he left, he understood: ‘It’s not just like I killed you, but that I’d done it subtly, over years. That I’d been poisoning you. Chipping away at you.’ He made me doubt my own instincts and watched me move further away from my personal values and social mores, trying to connect with him, never telling me it was impossible."

Cheating is often perceived as a problem in a marriage rather than one of boundaries and consent. Marriage, after all, is easy to categorize as part of patriarchy’s structural constraints on women, a dated mechanism that cannot be expected to “work.” Looked at it a different way, however -- as an agreement made by people about their needs and limits -- it becomes much easier to understand how repeatedly stepping out without any effort to renegotiate the existing relationship agreement is, in essence, a denial of a partner’s right to exercise agency. “It’s not just like I killed you,” Whedon told her, referencing the ultimate denial of agency. But it’s worse than that: it’s that he acted like she didn’t have a right to agency.

A recurring pattern of cheating is emotionally destabilizing -- in order to keep the relationship going, a partner must be lied to and sometimes gaslit. As instances of emotional neglect, disconnection and misattunement pile up, the partner being lied to begins to exercise betrayal blindness to cope with the mounting cognitive dissonance. This process is largely not conscious. As the betrayal scholar Dr. Jennifer Freyd writes, “unawareness helps the victim survive. [Betrayal theory] draws on two facts about our nature as social beings and our dependence and reliance on others. First, we are extremely vulnerable in infancy, which gives rise to a powerful attachment system [that views maintaining the bonds we form with others as a biological imperative]. Second, we have a constant need to make ‘social contracts’ with other people in order to get needs met. This has led to the development of a powerful cheater-detector system. These two aspects of our humanity serve us well, but when the person we are dependent on is also the person betraying us, our two standard responses to trouble conflict with each other. [ ... ] The standard response to betrayal -- confrontation or withdrawal -- may only make the situation worse for the person who depends on the [person doing the betraying], because confrontation and withdrawal are generally not good for inspiring attachment and caregiving.” Freyd’s research and that of others in the past 30 years indicate that terror and violence are not the only things capable of traumatizing someone: betrayal does as well.  

Cole’s account illustrates why Lundy Bancroft recognizes “the Player” as one of the archetypal patterns of abuse in his seminal work on relational harm Why Does He Do That? Abuse is defined by entitlement (or to use Whedon’s own words: “When I was running Buffy, I was surrounded by beautiful, needy, aggressive young women [ ... ] I am a powerful producer and the world is laid out at my feet and I can’t touch it.” Except he did touch it and he felt justified in touching it (“In many ways I was the height of normal, in this culture. We’re taught to be providers and companions and at the same time, to conquer and acquire -- specifically sexually -- and I was pulling off both!”). Even as he admits that he had affairs that violated his wife’s consent and created literal hostile workplace environments on his sets, Whedon frames it not as deeply troubling pattern he needs to address but as a banquet laid out for him. The women with whom he had affairs aren’t agents any more than Cole is -- they are food items laid out for him. Like his then-wife, Whedon’s sexual partners are not humans with a right to self-determine. The world laid out a table and cruelly told him not to eat -- there are no other humans in this picture. “He is incapable of taking women seriously as human beings rather than playthings,” to quote Bancroft.

Whedon has suggested over the years that cheating on Cole was a personal problem specific to the tragedy of their growing apart over the course of nearly two decades together. However, his troubled history of relationships with other women -- from actresses and crew working on his shows, to other romantic partners -- and his work loudly contradict this assertion. In a 2015 analysis of his work, Laurel Jupiter spoke to the core of Whedon’s pattern:

The initial patriarchal villains of the Buffyverse were men who abused women using either brute strength or political power, but the three nerds [introduced later on in Buffy] are another kind of misogynistic male antagonist that grew to dominate and completely consume Joss’s work in the 00s: the nerdy, story-obsessed guy who used his intelligence and mastery of technology to abuse and control strong, heroic women. Nerdy men who, like Joss, either created or tampered with the women they wanted total control over, either by building androids or altering existing women, usually via invasive medical torture. 

Joss the writer invents the character of Buffy while having workplace clashes with her actress Sarah Michelle Gellar; [the three nerd villains in Buffy] Andrew, Warren, and Jonathan drug their girlfriends into compliance and create the BuffyBot to obey their will. This villain character would show up again and again in Joss’ later works: the scientist who had, thanks to his technical and storytelling skills, been given custody by higher powers over women who would normally be far out of his range of influence. And, uncomfortably, all of the actors cast for these roles bore a striking physical resemblance to Joss.

[The episode “Storyteller” in Buffy] was a story about Andrew the Joss-doppelgänger filming the house of potential Slayers for a series he called Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyres. A major theme of “Storyteller” was Andrew’s intrusive use of the Buffy cast’s personal lives and pain to make a good story, his refusal to acknowledge their privacy, and possibly, as Anya kept insisting, to use his videos as masturbation material. It seemed like a huge moment of self-awareness and self-reflection about the relationship Joss had to the real and fictional women who worked for him, especially given the conflicts he had at the time with actresses like Charisma Carpenter over her character Cordelia and personal bodily autonomy (pregnancy) [He reportedly fired Carpenter for getting pregnant as well as other abuses]. It was self-critical and raw and I was proud of Joss for being willing to go there in such a public way.

Buffy ended, and Andrew redeemed himself, but the misogynist-nerd-self-loathing metastory intensified. One of the aspects of the Three Nerds villain arc that had always made me profoundly uncomfortable was the way Joss positioned the boys’ nerdy pursuits and lack of traditional masculinity -- not just their treatment of women -- as something inherently repulsive. Viewers were supposed to be disgusted by the sight of three dorky boys nerding out over Star Wars figurines. Buffy and the house full of potential slayers call Andrew vile names for being a nerd, not in response to his behavior [toward them]; by the end of his run, I felt the urge to protect Andrew -- not from the girls, but from Joss -- who was clearly using him as a punching bag onto which he was projecting his own self-loathing. 

The next major Joss project was Dollhouse, with evil scientist and Joss-lookalike Topher Brink programming, manipulating, and violating various women into playacting roles he’d scripted for them. It was such a blatant story about Joss and his actresses it was difficult to watch. Like, My Feminism Is Just An Excuse To Exploit Hot Actresses, I Am Such A Disgusting Creature!!! Coming soon to the CW!  

At some point in his career, Joss became so intent on the masochistic fantasy of being hated by strong women for being a nerd that he spent a decade writing stories about violating those women to ensure they would hate him. 

This pattern shows through in Cole’s essay. She, a strong and self-possessed woman, supported and buttressed Whedon’s dreams and pushed him to develop these into a career. She cofounded Bellwether Pictures with him. She kept their life together as he worked on numerous projects. She adored him, and he ensured her destruction and through it, that of their marriage. 

It’s tempting to imagine that marriage is complicated, that the fault hides in the love and attention Whedon was not receiving from his wife. But then why would he destroy the next relationship he had in which a new partner offered to explore a non-exclusive relationship together? 

After his separation from Cole, Whedon had the opportunity to have a nonmonogamous relationship in which he could explore his interest in power-exchange (that is, erotic play involving power and control, or BDSM). He chose instead to slowly poison this partner too, to use his own words, but in a different way. Arden Leigh, singer songwriter of Arden and the Wolves, writes:

In the wake of his separation I offered him a consensual non-monogamous BDSM relationship so he could have his fantasies responsibly, and he STILL chose monogamy and lying.

I figured hey, marriages are messy, and while there was no question he made mistakes (which he admitted), I chalked it up to societal default monogamy and sexual repression being the problem. I thought he deserved a chance at having what he wanted in an honest way, and I offered him that. And in return he took everything I offered and then piled so much shame on me for it that I spent a good year of my life thinking I was completely unworthy of love, that I'd always fall on the wrong side of someone's Madonna/whore complex. The effort I've undertaken since the start of 2016 to undo this fuckery has been monumental.

Monogamy is not the problem. One troublesome marriage is not the problem. When you hate yourself so much that you only get off when the women you desire hate you too, then you will continue to hurt people so that you can revel in the guilt over what a piece of shit you are. And when you are a rich white man who has every resource to heal and instead you consciously choose not to so that you can stay in the comfort of your patterns of hurting both others and yourself, that's no different from abuse. And I'm glad to see it made public.

Looking over the archetypes of abuse that Bancroft describes in Why Does He Do That? we begin to recognize that the infidelity described by both of Whedon’s former partners is actually a symptom, rather than the problem itself. In many ways, Whedon’s use of his position as a feminist ally bears more resemblance to Bancroft’s “Mr. Sensitive” than “the Player”: 

He loves the language of feelings, openly sharing his insecurities, his fears, and his emotional injuries. [ ... ] Often he has participated extensively in therapy or twelve-step programs, or reads all the big self-help books, so he speaks the language of popular psychology and introspection. His vocabulary is sprinkled with jargon like developing closeness, working out our issues, and facing up to hard things about myself. He presents himself to women as an ally in the struggle against sex-role limitations. 

Mr. Sensitive wraps himself in one of the most persuasive covers a man can have. If you start to feel chronically mistreated by him, you are likely to assume that something is wrong with you, and if you complain about him to other people, they may think you must be spoiled: ‘You have the New Age man, what more do you want?’ 

He blames his behavior on you or on his emotional ‘issues,’ saying that his feelings were so deeply wounded he had no other choice. [ ... ] The “gentle man” style of abuser tends to be highly self-centered and demanding of emotional catering. He plays up how fragile he is to divert attention from the swatch of destruction he leaves behind him. 

[scriptautistic]

Masterpost: “Asperger’s Syndrome”, Severe Autism and Functioning Labels (And Why They’re Nonsense)

Part II: Functioning Labels

In Part I, we looked at Asperger Syndrome, and why it doesn’t exist. Now, let’s move on to functioning labels.

Many autistic writers have explored this topic before and explained it very well. One our favorite examples is "Functioning Levels 101: What's the Big Deal?". We highly recommend reading this – the author explains the issue elegantly, and it's not overly long. Mod Aira would like to share her own version of its main example here:

Jill is a hard worker and a successfully independent adult. Her organizational skills help her a great deal in her work, and her logic and attention to detail help her notice and correct mistakes. She's also very creative and good at coming up with new, more efficient solutions to work problems. She is very highly valued by her boss and coworkers for these reasons. She lives alone and manages all her finances and other responsibilities without any help. She is fluent in several languages and enjoys socializing with her friends. She can cook and sing, loves kids, and is very good at explaining things to others.

Leigh struggles constantly with anxiety and depression. She is extremely hypersensitive and cannot handle public transportation without a set of ugly, bright orange ear protectors. She rocks back and forth and makes strange movements with her fingers all the time. Face to face communication is difficult for her, and she rarely makes eye contact. She frequently goes nonverbal when stressed and is unable to speak. She prefers writing to talking, and doesn't talk on the phone at all. She has meltdowns on a fairly regular basis from stress and sensory overload. She struggles with many aspects of self-care, such as brushing her teeth and keeping her living space clean, because of sensory and executive functioning issues.

Obviously, Jill is high functioning and Leigh is low functioning (or “severely autistic”). Except they are both the same person: Mod Aira. Both of those paragraphs accurately describe her. As you can see, it's not as simple as you might have thought.

Let’s try to boil this down to its essential nuts and bolts: "autism" is not a spectrum from mild to severe. Every single autistic person is as unique as every allistic person, and autism is not a condition that you can have at different levels of severity.

One of our followers, @scix-in-the-back-row, describes it: 

The word “spectrum” can be confusing. People picture a straight, monochrome line from zero autism to 100% autism. This is not how things work.

I have heard a good analogy: picture, instead of a spectrum, a complex sound system. Many sliders are labeled with traits some autistic people experience. The “language acquisition” slider can be near the top, the “social interaction” near the bottom, a variety of sliders clustered under the label “sensory issues” are all over the place. Everyone has different settings, and sometimes they change. All are still autistic.

There is no master slider marked “high functioning.”

There is no consensus on the use of the word “spectrum” in autistic communities. Some, Mod Cat included, like to think of autism as a spectrum, but non an unidimensional, quantitative one (black/white, severe/not severe), rather as a qualitative spectrum like the spectrum of colors: each autistic person is a different color depending on their personal combination of traits; two autistic persons can have very similar colors (similar combinations of traits) or very different ones, and there is no color which is “more severe” or “less severe”, just different colors. 

Some, like Mod Aira, have a very different opinion on the word:

“To me, the word “spectrum” is fundamentally wrong. A spectrum is, by definition, a range of values between two extremes. Even if you’re looking at a color palette that includes things like brightness, saturation, etc. as well as hue, you’re still looking at ranges between two extremes. I disagree with that way of looking at it. To me, it still suggests that there is a degree of severity or extremeness, that one can be “more” or “less” autistic. If it were up to me, I would remove the word “spectrum” from our vocabulary when talking about autism, and simply refer to autistic people and their various unique and individual traits.”

And every person seems different depending on the circumstances: our settings, or colors, or traits, can change depending on our mood, our energy levels, the weather, or it can be completely random.  Many, if not most, people who can live independently would be labeled "low functioning" or “severely autistic” if you caught them on a bad day. That's true for Mod Aira: “When I'm in bad shape, I can't talk, do nothing but rock back and forth, flap my hands, slap my forehead, bang my head against the wall, and make ugly noises. The only way I have to communicate is to scream if someone says something I disagree with. It's pretty ugly. But I live on my own, work three jobs, teach small children, and handle my whole life with pretty much no help. So am I high functioning, or low?”

It's true that some people have an easier time passing as "normal" in the big wide world. For some, verbal communication is usually not a struggle, and learning the rules of what's expected in social situations is possible. For others, speaking at all might be impossible – but there are nonverbal autistic authors, painters, musicians, and more. They can think and communicate as well as the verbal ones, but when they try to explain to others what's going on, they are all too often ignored. They get told things along the lines of, "You're disabled, sweetie. You don't understand what's wrong with you. Let the grown-ups talk."

Functioning labels are not usually based on whether the person is really able to function and live a healthy, happy life; they're based more on whether the person can pass for allistic or communicate in a way allistic people find palatable – verbally, and using non-verbal language in the expected way. Most of us find it very frustrating that "high functioning" is basically code for "pretty much normal, doesn't need any help" (even if you do need help) and "low functioning" or “severely autistic” is code for "broken and helpless, not-quite-human, needs to be cared for like a baby" – even if the only problem is that the person can't talk. If you get labeled high functioning, you get punished for every "mistake" (ie "acting autistic", how dare you) you make and denied help that you might desperately need. If you get labeled low functioning, people generally don’t take anything you say seriously or respect that you are a human being with your own skills, abilities, and strengths. You will be constantly compared to a small child and considered a burden to those around you, no matter how well you're able to do many things.

For the sake of writing an autistic character, know that they will probably be given one of these labels by the people around them, no matter how nonsensical they really are, and they will have to deal with the consequences of the label they get. It's important to understand how your character feels.

In order to help our allistic followers better understand the frustration of functioning labels, Mod Aira will be starting a series of metaphorical stories that demonstrate different aspects of living in this world as an autistic person. The first focuses on functioning labels, and will be posted soon. 

Happy writing!

[saverichardcampbellganseyiii]

CROOKED KINGDOM, Leigh Bardugo – 6/5 stars, damnit

Leigh. Leigh. Leigh. 

It was so good. I’m wallowing in my feelings. Damn this. I can’t accept that it’s over.

Ok, first, the characters are amazing. They’re wonderful and diverse and really unique. I thought that she further developed the characters & their attitudes (for example, Matthias and his opinion of/attitude toward Grisha and Jesper finally using his abilities). I loved that we also got to go on several little flashbacks with almost each character; I liked that it illustrated their backstories and gave us a little more than we got in Six of Crows, because I felt that one was very heavily focused on their raid at the Ice Court while this book was in Ketterdam, so the terrain was familiar and they felt mostly at home, so there was more opportunity to explore backstories.

Second, Kaz. Inej. Need I even say more? I’m so happy that Leigh gave them an ending that was hopeful and optimistic. I felt that both characters grew a lot from the beginning of SoC and they both seem to be in a really good place; I mean, they’ve mostly recovered from their pasts and they’re going to help each other grow and continue to heal and Kaz lets go of his gloves and they hold hands and he brings her parents back and she gets rid Rollins and she defeats Dunyasha (with kAZ’S ADVICE OBVIOUSLY) and ugh there are so many feels. I can’t even really write it, I’m just really really happy that they worked out.

Wylan and Jesper as well. Their relationship was always funny because though Inej and Kaz were obviously a thing, they both really denied it and wouldn’t actually acknowledge it, but Wylan and Jesper were really flirty and funny and cute but both were sort of too shy to move further. Jesper’s “I’ll read to him” and the “He has a lovely baritone” was really great. I died tbh. They’re so cute.

Next, Nina. Matthias. Ok, damn. This killed me, but I thought Leigh did it well. Matthias’s character obviously had come a long way from the beginning of SoC, when he hated hated the Grisha and Nina and he was only really a grudging member of the team. By the end of this book, he was completely a member of the crew and was learning to appreciate instead of fear the Grisha’s abilities and I seriously did like him (I liked him but was iffy about it in SoC). And, in the end, he was killed for his newfound decency; it wasn’t even the job that killed him, you know… Like he’s killed by essentially his younger self and then he finds Nina one last time and DIES AND TELLS HER TO SAVE OTHER DRÜSKELLE. OH MY. It was a really beautiful death, if he had to die, y’know. Also, I thought Nina’s new powers, post parem were really interesting. I might have liked to learn more about what exactly the parem did to her abilities. 

FOURTH, Zoya and Genya and NIKOLAI STURMHOND LANTSOV. I absolutely always adored Nikolai in the Grisha trilogy and I was really happy they were brought back. And Kaz literally made a deal with the King of Ravka. And Nina knew it was him, but couldn’t convince herself that it really was and I just adore Nikolai. I know that technically the Grisha trilogy and this duology are separate and they don’t necessarily need to both be read to understand the stories of each, but I think that SoC is so so so much better when you’ve read the Grisha. There are little references and then big cameos that are way way better, in my opinion, if you’ve read the other books beforehand.

Ok, last, Kaz is a mastermind and I love it. I’m really obsessed with these plans and how they work out. I’m such a sucker for things like White Collar and Heist Society and Ocean’s Eleven and Kaz doesn’t ever disappoint. Especially because there were at least three original plans, but the last one was the most elaborate and the best one by far. Kaz takes so many things into account – Wylan being captured by Dime Lions and the fact that the plan could be seen as a sham – and he works it all in to his own favor. I was honestly just incredulous the whole time; everything seems to be going wrong but each character pulled through and got their closure and the plan went almost perfectly, aside from Matthias and the little drüskelle. Every time I read the little moments where Kaz was running multiple schemes (the seal and the safe and the will, etc) I get the feeling that he and Aelin would be buddy old pals so fast. They’re both scheming, lovable, little shits and they want to take everything upon themselves, but they also have these wonderful crews/courts that have their backs and OH MY I JSUT CAN’T HANDLE MY TWO FAVE BOOKS BECAUSE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THE CHARACTESR AND THE SCHEMES AND THEN YOU FIND WAYS THAT THEY MIRROR EACH OTHER AND ldjflkasjfhkldsfjasdjfklsdhg

I loved it.

[updated book list] [my reviews]