#i love starbucks so much

[violatteclark]

the face I make when my dad tells me I can’t ride my bike into the pouring rain to starbucks to get my

iced vanilla blonde latte, half hazelnut half vanilla, with sweet vanilla cold foam, and caramel drizzle with caramel crunch.

[harry-sussex]

This was, no joke, the best moment of my entire life. I have been waiting so long for this. I never thought it would happen.

I had originally planned to volunteer with the UK branch of my job today, but when I saw the announcement, I knew I had to do this instead. I decided to get dinner at the pub, Dog and Duck, last night to look inside and try it out - I got bangers and mash and some fish (sans chips) as an appetizer, and it was legitimately so good. I also tried the Timothy Taylor’s Landlord Beer – you can see William in the photos from today right behind the tap. My server’s name was Bernie, and you can see her in some photos with William and Kate today too – tiny woman, short gray hair cut into a bob.

I set earlier alarms this morning but due to the time difference / jet lag, I didn’t make it here until 10am. I popped into a Tesco Express on the way to grab some flowers at @avidroyalfan’s advice – yellow of course, the brightest bunch I could find.

I made it over to the area around the pub and there were barricades and policemen everywhere. There was also a black Range Rover parked at the far end of Frith Street – the street they mentioned in the press release yesterday. It thought it was mildly crowded when I got there, but it didn’t even begin to compare to the crowd that had gathered closer to their arrival.

I really had trouble picking where I was going to stand – I didn’t want to be behind anyone, I just wanted to be up against the barricade, but given that the crowd was so relatively sparse on Frith Street (as opposed to right across from the pub on Dean Street) when I got there, I wasn’t sure they were going to come my way. I was also praying that I’d be on Kate’s side of the road if they came by – you guys know I love William, but if I had a chance, this once in a lifetime chance, I needed Kate. I went with my gut, a little further down the road than where the crowd at the time had started to assemble, so I could be right against the barricades. From the moment I got to the barricade, I was literally shaking, and I am not exaggerating – you can see it in one of the videos.

I passed the time talking to some lovely people – some of whom planned to be there and some of whom happened to stroll by. I met a lovely woman, Cath, who took tons of photos without me even asking – she just saw how excited I was and took the photos to send to me. Another woman named Teri did the same – just out of the kindness of their own hearts. Those are most of the photos you guys are going to see – I took a bunch while Kate was walking around, but I didn’t want to put my own camera in her face if she was standing right in front of me.

I stood for more than four hours start to finish and I do not regret it in the slightest. I thought a lot about what I was going to say to her if I had the chance – I’ve thought about it so many times over the years, but what could I really say that would summarize more than 10 years of pure admiration and adoration in 30 seconds or less? What could I – an American in London all the way from New York – possibly say to the UK’s next queen to tell her how much she’s meant to me for all these years?

There was a policeman right in front of me – his name was Thompson – who was subtly dropping hints about what was going on. He couldn’t say much but he did hint at the time we could expect them to arrive – about 12:45pm. He ended up pretty close – he told me that he got randomly assigned to the event today and that he (and basically the entire police force) would also be at the coronation. He also confirmed that they would be walking down Frith Street, where I was, though he wouldn’t hint at which of them was going to be on my side of the street.

By the time they arrived, the crowd had literally quadrupled – maybe even more. People were on the rooftops and hanging out of windows. Very few of them had flowers. Businesses let people go on their steps to get a closer view. A helicopter was circling above for security. There were policemen and RPOs everywhere. I thought William and Kate were going to drive right up to the pub but instead they walked from the far end of the street – I suppose because they took the tube. Speaking of the tube, that’s the exact line I took this morning. That’s also where the (absolutely enormous) press pack was assembled.

I could tell when they arrived, even though I couldn’t see them right away, because the roar of the crowd and the sound of dozens of cameras clicking said everything I needed to know. As I was a bit further down the street, I didn’t get the greatest view, but it didn’t matter – you could see Kate from a mile away. That jacket was bright in and of itself but she literally glows. There’s just an inherent radiance about her that cannot be explained unless you see it in real life – she’s ethereal in photos, but they don’t even begin to do her justice. She’s radiant. Also, you can see that her hair is perfect no matter how far away you are. As they turned the corner to get to the pub, I was able to crane my neck a little bit to see them get closer to the door, and I saw The Hand with my own two eyes. William placed his hand on Kate’s lower back to guide her inside – we’ve seen photos millions of times, but seeing it with my own two eyes was unreal. Completely surreal.

They spent far less time inside the pub than I would’ve thought (unless time was flying because I knew they were coming), but again, you could hear them come out the door just by virtue of the roar of the crowd. Thompson the policeman then told me that Kate was coming to my side of the street. I thought I was shaking before – nope, not even remotely compared to how I was when I heard that she was coming my way. I saw William first across the street – he went through relatively quickly but I could somewhat hear him saying “nice to meet you” over and over, shaking hands, laughing, the usual. He’s huge – I always knew he was tall but he’s massive, tall and broad. You could tell from twenty feet away - he’s huge. At one point, I literally blurted out “he’s not wearing blue!” once I saw the brown coat. He was on the side of the road that had more people, and he moved along at a solid pace - it’s definitely true that Kate is a chatter, no wonder they gave her the side of the street with fewer people. She would’ve been outside for 3 hours if she was greeting the amount of people on William’s side. He’s honestly such a good sport – he was shaking hands, standing on his tip toes and craning over the barricades to greet as many people as possible. I could very clearly see the faces of the people looking directly at him – you can tell they absolutely love him. Such genuine smiles. The pure adoration and happiness in their eyes said everything one needs to know – those people absolutely love him like their own.

When Kate turned the corner from the pub towards where I was standing, I swear to god my heart jumped right into my throat and my stomach dropped. God, she’s beautiful. Like I knew this, it isn’t news, the entire world is perfectly aware that she’s one of the most beautiful women on the face of the earth…. but she still managed to stun me anyway. She’s radiant. Absolutely gorgeous.

Somewhere along the way, as she moved down the line of people in my direction, it occurred to me that I was legitimately going to meet, or at the very least greet, Her Royal Highness The Princess of Wales, after all this time, after so many years… I am not exaggerating when I say I was physically shaking. You can see it on my face in the photos even as she approached, before she came near me – I wasn’t panicking, I was just in awe. I’ve always known she was real of course, but she’s… actually real? Do you know what I mean?

She was moving so slowly compared to William – I swear he was already 75% of the way through his side of the crowd by the time Kate got to me. That’s when I really noticed that she is just so chatty – I didn’t notice her just greeting someone and then moving on quickly. She was so engaged. Every single person I could see was like entranced by her very presence - she’s literally such a vision. It’s not just me, it’s not just us – people are completely fascinated by her.

And then.

She came closer and closer – as I was on her left, I could see the ring. It’s huge – like, it’s big on camera, but the thing is enormous. I could not believe for the life of me that she was right there. I made sure to stick the flowers out enough and stand up straight and believe me when I say I didn’t have to remind myself to smile or make eye contact – I could literally feel myself beaming (right before she got to me):

When she came over, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Before I knew it, Kate was reaching to shake my hand and saying “nice to meet you” and I literally still cannot believe it. I handed over the flowers and I said to her:

“It’s nice to meet you, I just wanted to tell you that I have admired you for so long and that I also studied Italian Renaissance art history just like you did.”

When I said that I admired her, she said “oh, thank you!” as I continued to ramble about the art. She was still holding the flowers. I cannot believe that there are so many pictures of Her Royal Highness The Princess of Wales holding bright yellow flowers that I got for her while smiling ear to ear – she handed them off before she moved onto the next person, so she is definitely smiling at me in those photos.

She then asked me if I liked studying art, and I said of course – she responded “me too!” After that, she asked me if I used it in my career, and I said no (which I don’t) but my master’s was a passion project. She then asked where I flew from (the accent, I guess) and I told her that I came from New York. She said that it was such a long way to come and that she was surprised at how many people have traveled so far for the big weekend. She touched my arm so sweetly for like the quickest second; she then said that it was going to be such a big event and that she was looking forward to joining the celebrations and that it was going to be good for everyone.

The last thing I said to her was “also, I ate in the pub last night because I heard you were coming!” and she responded with “oh that’s great, how was the food?” It was legitimately fantastic – I told her so – and she said that they would have to come back and try it when there were fewer people around.

It was then time for her to get moving so I just said “it was so nice to meet you” again and she said “nice to meet you, have a nice day!” Right before she moved on and as she was saying goodbye, she handed off the flowers and went on her way.

The whole thing lasted maybe two minutes, but I will remember it for the rest of my life. Her eyes are so green and she’s just so stunning up close and I just cannot believe she was that close to me and that we were able to talk and she is everything I have ever dreamed she would be and more. Just so sweet and gorgeous and engaged in what we were talking about – she didn’t just say “hi” and “bye,” you know? She listened to what I said and responded back without generalities… everything I ever dreamed of and more. I thought I couldn’t love her more – I do now. She has made my entire day and my entire life and I will literally never forget the vision of Her Royal Highness The Princess of Wales, Catherine Elizabeth, someone I have adored for more than a decade, standing in front of me.

I am so happy I could cry. I was stunned after - literally could not believe what just happened to me. Take a look at the video below - you can see part of our conversation and then just the pure shock at the end. My hands were literally shaking.

Once the shock wore off, I did in fact cry. They say never to meet your heroes – why not? How could you go wrong meeting someone you have idolized when that someone is Kate?

[bleaksqueak]

While i work I've been listening to an LP of the Telltale Walking Dead Games (the ones with clementine, I do not care about the others lmao). Ages ago when I played these I was well aware/amused that part of season 2 takes place in Parker's Crossroads/Parker's Run because I grew up right next to it and the detail stood out to me. But I never caught the line of "We'll head to parker's run. It's just up the road from here" until just right now. So I had a sort of "wait, where the fuck are they supposed to be right now?" (search)

ARE YOU SHITTING ME LMAO So by process of elimination, since it's the only city with anything even remotely resembling a large home supply store, that would mean they're in my literal hometown. My tiny hometown in the middle of nowhere that's never in anything that barely anyone knows of. How in the fuck lmao

[lets-go-banana-fishing]

Happy pumpkin spice latte season to Eiji Okumura and Eiji Okumura only

[poorlydrawnandroids]

From the people who brought you: "Android detectives can't cook!" comes the concept: "Hank has a horrible food palate!"

He's happy to try anything once.

[rainymoodlet]

spoilers and sneakie peekies bc i’m impatient 😎

[cthulhu-with-a-fez]

i started naruto a few years ago and made it to like the second arc in shippuden before stopping so i never made it to the kakashi backstory but....your notes compel me. tell me more.

okay so like take this with several grains of salt because the sum total of my sources here are "my understanding of the plot and characters as synthesized from the Abridged Revised Illustrated Edition my datemate's been writing me over the last two months", a handful of clips, and the only three (3) episodes of this 600+ episode show i've seen in my life, none of the three of which were relevant to the kakashi backstory

h o w e v e r

oh my god. my dude. my man. [holds him up like longcat] there is so much wrong with you and i'm enthralled.

so like here's the thing. here's the big takeaway that i'm understanding. this whole series is an ongoing exercise in generational trauma bullshit and everyone trying so hard to course-correct from their own tragic backstories that they accidentally set up their kids/students to have completely different but still somehow exactly the same tragic backstories, and naruto's chronic case of shounen anime power-of-friendship-itis is, i mean. yes it's him being the platonic ideal of Pure Of Heart And Dumb Of Ass but it's also a direct response to seeing ninja society's perpetual tragic backstory generator and going "this is bullshit, why are we even fighting? tell me what your side is, and i'll tell you what our side is, and then we can figure out how to make our sides the same side so none of us have to fight about it at all!" and honestly i love that but this ain't about him

so like. to explain kakashi we have to explain kakashi's father sakumo first. because sakumo was one of konoha's powerhouses, been on tons of successful missions, well-liked, well-respected, one of the earliest and loudest adopters of konoha's then-new and radical pivot towards a ninja being people first and disposable tools never ideology.

he really, genuinely believed in that.

except then he and his team went on a mission. and it went really, really badly. and he had to choose between completing the mission objective or saving his teammates' lives, and he chose their lives, because those who fail their missions may be scum, but those who abandon their teammates are worse, right?

... no, actually.

just because the ideology had been circulating and people were broadly toeing the party line didn't mean they actually believed in it, and sakumo's mission failure was already causing critical backlash.after sakumo made it back to konoha he was a fucking pariah for it. he was never officially reprimanded, but he didn't need to be if people went out of their way to personally spit at his feet, and... one day young kakashi comes home to find his father's body on the floor, wrists slit and suicide note devolving into begging apologies beside him.

this, as you may imagine, fucked him up, and didn't exactly predispose him towards believing the party line about the value of life.

he gets put on a genin team that was. basically the alpha build of the sasuke-sakura-naruto team dynamic. because it was him, and rin the healer girl with a massive crush on him who he never gave the time of day, and obito the Loudest High-Vis Uchiha Who Ever Lived who had a massive crush on her, and minato their teacher who was doing his absolute best to try and get them through to understanding each other, which is an Ordeal

because kakashi at this point has internalized that the party line is pretty lies for the gullible, that his teammates are only there to drag him down, and it drives obito nuts because that's the same exact bullshit that his family keeps spouting that he's rejected as thoroughly as a 12.9-year-old can, how does kakashi not see that it's bullshit? and there's rin who's looking at kakashi like i can fix him?? and getting upset when he doesn't let them in at all or even really visibly care that they're trying, and it's one hell of a dysfunction junction but minato is working on it.

... and then the worst happens. their team is caught out alone and everything goes wrong. rin is captured and obito's body is half-crushed under a rock and one of kakashi's eyes got slashed out and none of them are going to make it out of this, at this rate, until obito calls kakashi closer and tells him to take his eye. take the sharingan. he'd give him both but the other one got squished. kakashi will do more with it than obito ever did, so use it to save rin. please. and here's kakashi in the middle of field surgery on his dying teammate finally, horribly realizing that sometimes the win condition is, actually, protecting your friends, and he's already lost. but he can still try to save rin, it was obito's dying wish.

by the time he found her it was already too late.

the people who'd captured her had tried, poorly, hastily, messily, to seal one of the Tailed Beasts into her, and she was already dying. she had a demon thrashing in her soul that was tearing her to shreds around it and all kakashi could do was mercy kill her

and she thanked him for it.

and he goes back to konoha, sole survivor of his team, charred by the newfound comprehension of why you have to care and what it feels like to lose what you love and with obito's sharingan in his head and rin's blood on his hands and something in him that was already hanging on by a thread finally snapped.

and the only thing he could think to do, the only way he could even parse that grief through, is to just... make himself into a living memorial to them. he started trying to live as obito. adopt his mannerisms, his interests, craft his entire adult persona around his memories of his friend like a grave offering, and quarantine the bleakly mercenary anything-to-get-the-job-done ice in him off into the hound mask he wore as part of konoha's black ops division, which he joined at the ripe old age of way too fucking young.

he uses the sharingan to incredibly brutally efficient effect, copying enemy jutsus and bringing them back until the library's overflowing with them. but in the end, no matter how many he can technically use, they're still just cheap copies. and so is he.

and in the meantime the uchiha are collectively losing their shit about this random outside kid having one of their eyes in his head and getting all kinds of dubious 'glory' with it, and oh, wouldn't you look at that, they have a prodigy too!

... yeah.

itachi gets shoved through the rank advancements on a timeframe of "whatever he did you have to do it faster and better." and then the kyuubi broke free. and minato and kushina died, and a fuckton of the home guard uchiha died, and suddenly he's the most able-bodied fighter in their clan overnight at age 11 and the uchiha pull strings to get him into ANBU as well.

and kakashi is his teammate.

kakashi is his teammate and kakashi sees in itachi a whole awful lot of the edges of the way kakashi used to be, sees itachi trying to live up to and embody the absolutely impossible ideal of the perfect ninja, and he tries so god damn hard to nudge him gently towards something, anything, other than that.

but in the meantime, the uchiha have been... scheming. with danzo, Guy With The World's Biggest Chip On His Shoulder About Not Being Hokage, who's been marinating in a paranoia spiral for years. danzo had tried to set himself up as kakashi's palpatine, and tried to get him to assassinate hiruzen, and kakashi hears him out, and turns right around and goes to hiruzen with it instead, and danzo is pissed. the uchiha are pissed. danzo warns hiruzen that they're almost definitely going to try again and they're gonna make the uchihas' little prodigy do it this time, and kakashi silently braces to have to fight and maybe kill his teammate he was trying so hard for, and then...

and then itachi, who'd been watching his clan get. worse. for a long time. finds his cousin shisui, his best friend shishui, bleeding out in the dirt, who tells him everything, tells him danzo tried to have shisui killed for finding it out, and it worked, he's dying, but he's not dead yet, so please. make it count.

.......................................... And Then The Uchiha Massacre.

and now itachi is one more person that kakashi tried to care about who got destroyed.

and then fast forward a little bit further, he's been retired from active-duty ANBU after a decade-plus of service because the sharingan is starting to burn him out, he's starting to lurch to a halt like unwound clockwork without something to Do, and... he gets given team seven. the worst of konoha's gremlin children.

a bitter, disillusioned loner with a chip on his shoulder and the skill to back it up, the healer girl with a crush on him that he never gives the time of day, and the Loudest High-Vis Pest In The Village.

you see where this is going.

kakashi who at this point has been coasting along by bouncing between mask-personae for years is now having to dynamically engage with life again because if he isn't present and actively responding to his team then there's a nonzero chance he'll turn around to find all three of them chewing on the drywall and he cannot default to scripted responses because they don't work on a pack of middle schoolers hellbent on squabbling til the cows come home. and it's kind of good for him?

but also, uh. [gestures broadly towards... Sasuke(TM) and the rest of the plot]

and yeah i'm not gonna get too much further into it because i'm not confident enough in my own comprehension of the timeline to do that XD but like.

hatake kakashi is a scarecrow of a man stitched together out of his dead best friend, a hunting hound, and his dead best friend again, who's spent his entire life behind one mask or another, who over the course of the series keeps surviving shit that by all odds he shouldn't have, or survives specifically because the people he cares about throw their plot armor around him before they die, and he has a personality mostly composed of the crumpled-up pages of the memetically worst-written trashy bodice-ripper novels ever published because obito used to love them and the inexplicable receipts of other people's love for him, and i want to put him in a gas station hot dog roller and perceive him.

thank you for coming to my ted talk XD

[cluescorner]

Thoughts on Canto V

Spoilers ahead. Also, disclaimer that I did not play it but instead watched it because I really like the story but I don't play the game anymore. I do not think playing it through would have impacted my experience, but do keep that fact in mind and let me know if you think my feelings would change if I had played it.

OH MY FUCKING GOD I REALLY LIKED IT! The characters were solid (though there are some problems), the theme of hoping for the future and allowing yourself to discover it for yourself rather than holding onto the past, and there were some incredible fucking moments.

Firstly, Ishmael. She was pretty stellar throughout. Watching her slowly degrade into becoming a mirror of the very woman she sought to destroy was heartbreaking, I felt like she actually had a real arc this canto that helped her become a less burdened person, and some of her deepening bonds with the other sinners were awesome. I particularly liked watching her interactions with Outis because Moby Dick and the Odyssey/Illiad are the two literary works from Limbus that I know well, and based on that info it makes sense that they would both understand and annoy each other. The moments with Heathcliff were also incredible because they've always had a really cool dynamic. Ishmael's relationships with her crew were also interesting and I feel like that could have easily been the best part of this cant, but ultimately that didn't end up happening (more on that later). I felt like the sudden character development 'Oh the other characters are my friends and they are my compass' thing was a BIG JUMP especially for Ishmael, but it's not a bad idea. I think it just needed more time in the oven, let Ishmael interact with the other sinners inside the dungeon and have her work together with them to get through things. Fortunately, Ishmael's VA + the Mili song really carried that ending so I still wound up getting caught up in the moment regardless. Speaking of Ishmael's VA...HOLY SHIT WHATEVER THEY ARE GETTING PAID IT WAS NOT ENOUGH!! Singlehandedly made me like this Canto so much more than I otherwise would have. An incredible performance all around, stand out moments include but are not limited to: Her ranting at the pirates about them not knowing what shame is, the euphoric hatred in her voice as she fantasizes about finding and killing Ahab, the grief as she discusses Queequeg and the hope as she sees Queequeg again, and OF COURSE WHEN SHE GOES AHAB MODE! Bravo Jang Ye-na, you carried this Canto through its weaker moments and helped the best ones become my favorite moments in this game.

Next, Ahab. I liked her a lot, fucking awful captain woman who reminds me of my old pastors. GOOD JOB MAKING THIS A FUCKING HORROR GAME THIS BITCH SCARES ME! I wish we could have seen more of her (and maybe we will in the future) because what we got was incredible. I was expecting a shitty boss but instead got another fucking cult leader. Her design is also a solid mirror to Ishmael's, further emphasizing the point that they are becoming more alike as this stuff goes on AND making the moment where Ishmael breaks the cycle of hatred more impactful. She is an incredible mirror of what happens where you allow hatred to consume you entirely, and the VA really reflects that. The only complaint I kinda have is that she probably should have been a lot more morally grey than she was. I feel like we just kinda got Kromer version 2 in terms of the role she played in the story and in Ishmael's life, granted that might change in the future so I will be very happy to be wrong if that's the case. But after Dongrang, I was expecting something a little more sympathetic or at least nuanced than 'evil cult leader captain lady hates that fucking whale and will kill her crew and makes that abundantly clear'. Again, I do like what we got so I can't complain too much but still.

I LOVE THAT BIG FUCKING WHALE! SCARY FUCKING BIG WHALE COMETH! ELDRITCH WHALE!

The Indigo Elder is so fucking cool. I wish he were here for more than 3 minutes and actually had something to do. They really introduced a man by having him tear the arm off the guy who we were struggling to survive against, said he was a Color and that he killed another Calamity, teased this really cool plan, and then...he's just waiting outside presumably 1v1-ing the whale but we get to neither see nor hear about it at all. I hope he comes back and we can see him do cool shit, because we had an incredible set-up with mediocre pay-off.

Ishmael's crew...I loved them so much I wish they were in the Canto for more than 1 level. They should have been introduced MUCH EARLIER in order to have their deaths have more of an impact. We should have been in the whale for longer, even if it meant shortening other parts of the chapter, just for the crew. Because those are Ishmael's ties and these are the people who Ahab's hatred is robbing the world of. What we did get of them was very strong, but Starbuck and Pip got nothing in terms of character moment and time. Queequeg got a little bit more (by the way I love that Queequeg actually looked like the design team at least LOOKED at a Polynesian person, I'm so jaded from other gacha games that I'm thrilled somebody actually looks like they're from the culture they're inspired from. She looks like a buffer, female version of one of my Polynesian neighbors it's great.) and it made her feel a lot more developed. She was a solid adaptation of Queequeg and her relationship with Ishmael was so sweet. The moments we got of them together were some of the highlights and it made me really want them to manage to escape together. Of course that was never gonna happen, but still. I also don't like how we don't even see Queequeg and Starbuck die. Are we supposed to assume Ahab killed them to manifest the ego? Did we kill them? I see some criticism around the fact that they stood by Ahab's side at the end and wondering why they did that. And I get that criticism because it is weird, but also that's just kinda what cult leaders can do especially when they're the only reason you've been alive for however long + you're slowly being overtaken by BAD WHALE JUICE. I 100% buy that they chose to follow the Captain because the Captain is always right and even when She does horrible things Her understanding is elevated above ours. And if Her fight is our fight, then surely it is ok for us to die here.

I feel like this is also a criticism that only I care about but why is the story suddenly like 'oh revenge is bad don't do revenge'? Like, I get it revenge is bad and that was kinda the point of Moby Dick. BUT WE HAVE LITERALLY DONE SO MUCH REVENGE AND REVENGE WAS KINDA SINCLAIR'S WHOLE THING AND IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE HEATHCLIFF'S! Why is revenge suddenly bad and 'oh no it makes you just like the other person' no it does not Sinclair did not suddenly become genocidal because he kept trying to murder Kromer. Is revenge only bad when it's successful? IDK, I just hate narrative inconsistency and this immediately jumped out at me.

Overall, I really liked this Canto! I have my problems with it, but they are relatively minor compared to all it does well.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

not really an ask but MY SIBLING DREW YOUR FAIRY FANART!!!!!!!!!

we both love her

AAAA IT’S FAIRY!!!!!

[shanedoesdoodles]

Some doodles I made on a whiteboard with my friends :oD

[pocketsizedquasar]

you asked for lore questions so. do you have any particular starhab Thoughts today

HI I MISSED THIS SOMEHOW but yes the answer to this question is always yes. i always have Them thots

recently, i’ve mostly been rotating what i’ve been uncreatively calling Good AU (AU where Starbuck actually Talks To ahab and they have a proper conversation and convinces him to turn around but not before at least 3 therapy sessions which may or may not involve passive-to-active suicidality on both their parts wahoo)

which is generally the AU i’m always rotating; @coulson-is-an-avenger have been talking abt it for literally 9+ months (n they have made some related fics before me, bc i’m slow <3 /positive) — but right now specifically, since i’ve finally started Actually writing it in the past couple weeks, i’m thinking a lot abt the beginning/setup of the au, which is aforementioned conversations/therapy sessions/breakdowns

more specifically, i’m thinking lots about how melville writes both ahab and starbuck as such deeply, intrinsically lonely people in different ways, and about how some of that loneliness is self inflicted and some of it isn’t. w starbuck especially… (i’ve talked abt this in the comments of a comic page before but) there’s the obvious element of loneliness that comes from losing most of his family to whaling, and having to be away from his wife and child for so long, and being seemingly the only person for a while on this boat who thinks there might be something wrong with ahab, but there is also an element of self-inflicted loneliness too: in Dusk, he specifically mentions the “heathen crew” and how much he feels apart from them. “Oh, God! to sail with such a heathen crew that have small touch of human mothers in them! Whelped somewhere by the sharkish sea. The white whale is their demigorgon.” his whiteness (and racism) and christianity is an element of isolation for him.

melville very regularly and deliberately highlights whiteness as a tool of isolation. ishmael only heals and becomes less lonely when he eschews christian “kindness” — “I’ll try a pagan friend, thought I, since Christian kindness has proved but hollow courtesy.” ahab is excluded and isolated from this world, for various untold reasons, though we can infer that some of them result from his disability (and, if you’re like me, an argument for reading ahab as nonwhite): “socially, Ahab was inaccessible. Though nominally included in the census of Christendom, he was still an alien to it.”

and starbuck—starbuck is of this world, this world of hollow courtesy and alienation, this world of nantucket quakers, which ishmael so poignantly describes as stifling and insular and strict. it is this — this whiteness, this hollow christianity, this learned racism — which prevents Starbuck from meaningfully emotionally connecting with his ‘pagan’ / ‘heathen’ crew, even as we know he is generally in other ways good to them. it is also this worldview which prevents him from meaningfully getting through to ahab.

like, ahab is obviously a traumatized specimen of a man (affectionate), but starbuck is also so deeply entrenched in his hyper specific worldview, just as much as ahab is. he can't connect with ahab more because he's so entrenched in seventeen layers of protestant guilt & conditioning, which is partially just the gay thing, but also like. being unable of conceiving ahab's pain through another framework. bc xtianity and protestantism and whiteness and all these things so wildly distort your concepts of what suffering is and who experiences it and who even has the Right to it, and what the right and wrong ways to experience pain are.

all his reasoning for why ahab giving himself so wholly to vengeance and eschewing all human connection is like… “bc god said it’s bad.” in all the times starbuck (in some ways rightly) gets at ahab for what he's doing, he doesn't ever really get to the point of trying to understand why it's happening? or where ahab is coming from? when what ahab needs is to be met where he’s at, in all his messy ugly pain and trauma

so w/ these conversations in the au it's like. part of it is starbuck letting go of this moral judgment and just coming to ahab with a genuine desire to understand hey. why are you doing this. tell me why this is so important to you. why this whale. why so hard. what is driving you to this. and like. understanding the very real amount of pain that ahab is in. the very real mess of a world that is constantly traumatizing and retraumatizing him. a world of whiteness and christianity and capitalism that has so thoroughly abandoned him to his trauma and his pain that he legitimately sees no other way out, no other alternative for alleviating that pain, than this quest.

basically in order to cure ahab’s loneliness starbuck needs to break his own. he cannot break down the walls around ahab without first reaching out beyond his own. and that’s why he fucking doesn’t in canon and tdjdhdhshdjwhdsjdhsj this is why i am so fucking mentally unwell about these two gay losers hfhehdhdhdhehddh

[dirt-grub]

I hope to live to see the collapse of the American empire

[homestuck--edits]

meowrails requester from before: i really liked it! can you edit the one with vriska flying, but godtier nepeta as vriska and equius as vrissy?

:> them !!

-mod davesprite

[martyrbat]

action comics #434

[ID: Clark Kent looking at a box of candies after it was delivered to his desk. The card that it came with reads, ‘To Clark Kent, the niftiest newsman on TV—from the faithful girls of your new fan club!’ The mild-mannered reporter affectionately reflects, ‘Imagine that—I've got a club of admirers! As Superman, I'm accustomed to the adulation of millions... But to know Clark has fans of his own really chokes me up! Might as well sample the merchandise! Nothing says the Man of Steel can't have a sweet tooth for chocolate-covered cherries...’ He ingenuously puts a piece of the candy (that was sent by literal strangers) in his mouth, his eyes closing with contentment. END ID]

[astraltrickster]

I wish I could tell my 9-year old self that no, growing up and getting excited about "boring" things like kitchen appliances isn't sad, because contrary to what people would have you think it DOESN'T tend to totally change who you are as a person and replace everything else you love - they add to what makes you happy, they don't replace a damned thing, and the excitement is VERY genuine

But since I can't do that I'll just put it out here for any younger people who need it

You grow to love "boring" things because they improve your life, not because it's the only thing you're "allowed" to get excited about once you reach a certain age

Also! That stage in life has nothing to do with numerical age; you can fall in love with something "boring" at any time and it feels exactly the same! Loving the new kitchen appliance as an adult is no different from loving the Easy-Bake oven or the first thing you learned to make your own recipes with as a kid! It's not "turning into your parents" (scary), it's bringing out new joy in YOU! It's fucking awesome!

[jejciu]

They need to invent train rides for people who don't have anything to do or anywhere to be