#i love the only things I actually know about this series is the discontent toward the back half of the series but like

[revvethasmythh]

decided to stop being a fake urban fantasy fan and actually read the antia blake vampire hunter series 😔✌️ (<- woman who knows she's about to get herself into something she can't even begin to anticipate)

[yzy-dragon]

I absolutely ADORED S2E9 "Three Stories" of Link Click and was a bit surprised to see the discontent here on Tumblr, and I totally understand the reasons why people didn't like it, especially in the context of the pacing of the rest of S2 (which I also have some opinions on but I won't talk about that here), but I also felt the need to just get my heart out why I love it so much. A bit of background, I'm Chinese American but have lived in and visited China numerous times.

Music and theater. As a western classical musician and an amateur Chinese opera singer enthusiast (I saw someone else post about the possible inspo this episode got from Chinese opera), I VIBED with the artistic direction of this episode SO much. The three-part structure was almost like a sonata/symphony (and remember that one scene where Qian Jin was air-conducting in a previous episode!!) or scene changes in a Chinese opera. Nothing needs to be said about the animation style that hasn't been said already, but I like how scenes from the three individual "stories" were interwoven and reused like leitmotifs. Especially that crazy, tortured laughter. Idk if any of the parallels were intentional on the part of the director, but it's what I got from it due to my personal experiences. I know that's a highly subjective takeaway though, which brings me to my next point....

Qian Jin's "tragic" backstory. I know a lot of people were upset that the extent of Qian Jin's tragic backstory was "oh his wife cheated on him", but I think the "basicness" of his struggles was the whole point (by the way, this segment displayed various attitudes towards work, family, marriage, individual pride, and life in mainland China so subtly but so well!). I also don't think sympathy was the main thing we were supposed to feel for him, although of course there is some. The whole "tragicomedy" aspect of Qian Jin's story is that it's not some horrible, terrible, rare thing that happened to him, but a common problem faced by so many hardworking but busy married men trying to provide for their families: infidelity. But Qian Jin sees himself as the main character of an elaborate play that rivals the great dramatic classics (which, funnily enough, often depicted very DRAMATIZED versions of a rather basic series of events). And his viewpoint is validated when....

Qian Jin meets the twins. That segment is still largely from Qian Jin's perspective, because we still don't really know how LTC and LTX even feel about him. But for Qian Jin, it's a stroke of fate and fortune that could only possibly happen in theater. He's very far removed from reality at this point. Reality is that a cop whose job it is to investigate violent crime comes across two kids who are the victims of a violent crime. Again, nothing particularly special or even coincidential. It's comical like that.

The fairy tale section.  Unlike the first two, I think this segment is from Xixi’s perspective, which not only justifies the cartoony artstyle but also makes it heartbreaking, due to her childlike innocence.  Like Qian Jin, she also perceives her reality as something it’s not, but unlike him, she doesn’t have delusions of grandeur of being a tragic protagonist.  It’s just a little fox trying to survive in a forest full of predators and hunters.  

All that tortured laughter. I’ve actually noticed in a lot of Chinese media that they like to use laughter as a way of signifying a person’s complete mental breakdown due to the tragedies they’ve suffered.  It’s a very internal thing that has people on the outside going, “WTF?”  In this episode we have a lot of characters crazily laughing together at the same time and it seems like they’re relating to each other, but in reality they’re all trapped in their own nightmarish hells and motivated by selfish purposes. 

Back to the topic of Qian Jin, even though he (innaccurately) may see himself as the hero of his own story, it's not enough for him. He wants to use Cheng Xiaoshi to change the past. He wants to become the director of the play.

I know a lot of people were disappointed this episode didn't advance the plot, especially in regard to Cheng Xioashi and Lu Guang's storylines, but I was actually prepared for a backstory episode and couldn't have been more satisfied. Again, I have other opinions on the rest of S2 but at least standalone, I think this episode was nearly perfect. And I really wasn't expecting this, but it's really elevated Qian Jin to one of my top characters.

[marathehomosexual]

what is your opinion of Hanamonogatari?

I am currently watching it actually, its been a long while so i might be remembering somethings wrong, but i really like it. Suruga is one of my favorites characters from Monogatari and i always wanted to know more about her.

I think hanamonogatari serves as a Microcosm of the whole series. It deals with youth, the consequences of curses, the hate and fear of the self, how we see and deal with family and how eventually we must pack it all up and walk towards adult life, it will always be with us, no matter how much we cherish or hate, we wouldn't be the person we are today without it.

I personally like the antagonist of this season, Rouka as Kanbaru herself points takes an stance similar to Araragi, but i'd say Meme is closer to rouka than Araragi, she offer to hear people troubles but never saves them, she lets them to themselves until they help themselves, of course Meme at least had the decency of helping them save themselves, but Rouka is a distorted logical conclusion to this philosophy, that kanbaru rightfully shows discontent with. If all you do is promise a solution and then do nothing but wait it out you're nothing more than a con-man, but at the same time she might work as a ray of hope giving people the strength to move on due to the promise of a solution.

Does this justify what she does? I don't think it needs to justify anything, because at the end she is doing nothing, it would one of thing to judge an action, but to judge inaction is much more difficult and in a way pointless, is like trying to say if Zero is a negative or a positive, in the end it is neither, its only Zero

Now lets talk about the arm, the arm of the monkey, the hand of the Rainy Devil, the connection between Kanbaru Suruga and Gaen Tooe. I think its important to make a distinction between Gaen Tooe and Kanbaru Tooe, as Tooe said "If you can't become a cure, become poison, otherwise you'll only be plain water". These words from her youth are to me what represents the Rainy Devil the best, Suruga wasn't the fastest girl, so she wished to be the one for the hand, and so she attacked the girl faster than her, she couldn't become cure so she became poison.

And that is the difference that lies between Gaen Tooe and Kanbaru Tooe, Kanbaru Tooe rejected her own philosophy, she rejected the Rainy Devil, she accepted being plain water, she accepted being a simple human, because thats what she is, what she always was, specialist, no matter how powerful or inhumane are just humans at the end of the day, they can't do everything, and they can't know everything, as much as they wish they could. And even if water is plain, even if can be found everywhere and we might not even notice it, water is still the most important substance of them all, for it is the origin of all life.

Rouka wants to become poison, she seeks the rainy devil thinking she can become something above what she is now, that she can abandon the past and walk towards a life as a demon, but there is no devil, there are only devilish humans, as Suruga said. And thats a thing that we can all pick up, we're all human, that is the main message for this arc. Tooe wasn't a god-like specialist, she was just a human who loved her family. Kaiki isn't a monster who only loves money, he is just a human who doesn't like to show his emotions. Kanbaru isn't a monster for desiring bad things for Araragi and the girl from her middle school, she is just a human experiencing Envy.

Even with all the devil parts Rouka would still be human, because the Rainy Devil is a human, the Rainy Devil is Gaen Tooe, the same way Oshino Ougi is Araragi Koyomi, despite our dark past, our secrets, the emotions we keep hidden, the desire that nothing may change, things will still change, our seniors are going to graduate, we will learn new things about our family and friends, we may never come back but thats okay, its okay to cry, its okay to have weird feelings to your mother, its okay to miss your friends, its okay to be a lesbian, everything is fine, because we're human, things are only this way because we are humans, not Devils, not Gods, not Monsters, we are humans

Thats the message of the whole series but thats why i like Hanamonogatari, it is a microcosm of the whole series in 5 beautiful episodes that i'm loving rewatch, and hope to rewatch again and again until i can say every phrase from the back of my mind

[meimi-haneoka]

Thank you so much again! I love your chatty responses. It actually articulates so much of what I am thinking. And yes, by "arrogance", I definitely meant 'taking on the burden of everything by myself' thing rather than the former but your exposition is certainly very illuminating. Also, I was wondering if people feel uncomfortable with Akiho and Kaito age gap. I surprisingly don't and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that Kaito's love for Akiho, despite being romantic, is not as yet sexual. I am not sure if I am conveying this in the right manner. I was reading the manga and I was creeped out by the Rika Terada shipping in it but surprisingly was alright with Kaho-Eriol ship because I see the latter as "mental" peers. I am not sure whether I am able to articulate my thoughts right, but what I am trying to say is that while I understand were the hue and cry against the age gap comes from, somehow Yuna and Akiho's age gap does not bother me. On the topic of age gap relations, I was also wondering about Sakura's late Amamiya great-grandmother. Back as a kid, I always thought it was a bit strange that Masaki was her great-grandfather instead of just a grandfather (Nadeshiko's dad) who could have even more easily disapproved of Nadeshiko's union with Fujitaka. It leads to wonder about Nadeshiko's own family tree. Also, I didn't understand the England connection with her and I believe that had a lot to do with discrepancies with the English translation. Did Nadeshiko grow up in England? Or just visited England? What exactly is Sakura's late great grandmother's (and I believe her birth family's) connection with England? Do you think that the great-grandmother was a Reed? What happened to Sakura's maternal grandparents? By extension, same with Tomoyo's, considering the Amamiya cousins' parents where siblings who retained their Amamiya family name? Do you think that the potentially Reed great-grandmother was the source of magic in the Amamiya family's lineage? Do you think Tomoyo is subconsciously sensitive to magic or some latent psychic powers due to the potentialy Reed great-grandmother? After all, she made that Sakura doll with the Final Judgement clothes, she also made the right costumes for the right cards or incidences, she also could feel something was off with the play (unlike Naoko?) and could also feel something was off with rewritten world. I am so sorry but I really went down a rabbit hole while reading the manga. I would love to hear your thoughts!

LOL you might be my new favorite follower & asker 😆 Your questions stimulate my chatty side because they touch topics that are very interesting to me! Not only that, but we agree on many aspects! ;)

Ohohoh, the matter of the age gap between Kaito and Akiho........(/laughs but actually wants to cry) As you probably have guessed, it's a difficult matter for the fandom, it's always been frowned upon ever since day one and even now that it's becoming more apparent that their feelings are mutual (despite many still hope for them not to be) and now that they went to such lengths for eachother, there's still discontent towards them (I have to say that the supporters have increased too, thankfully for me). (continues under the cut)

The fact is, we don't really know Kaito's age, but from some calculations I've made he really might be the same age as Touya and Yukito or even one year younger. What we know for sure is that he cannot have an age gap bigger than 10/11 years with Akiho, judging from what Lilie said in chapter 72. I want to specify this because in these 7 years of serialization I've seen lots of nonsense in fandom spaces (when I still checked them), like "he must be close to his thirties because you can only be a legal guardian to someone if you're older than 25", some completely made up bullsh*t because 1) who said CLAMP have to abide to those rules in their manga, a freaking 10 year old was living all on his own in the OG series, plus we got MAGIC here; 2) Whoever said he's her legal guardian?? He's her butler, her butler and nothing more. In fact, the events depicted at Parents Day (chapter 40-onwards) made clear that Kaito is not considered Akiho's legal guardian, not by Akiho herself but not even by her school (they were looking for her to get one of her relatives to participate, Kaito only offered himself at the very end because he didn't want to see her sad and because he wanted to check her future real parental figure). For this reason, Kaito is often seen in the fandom as some improbable "parental/brother figure" to Akiho, because his (apparent) detached behavior, his apparent "non-response" to Akiho's romantic attempts and his being older than her gets interpreted in that way, ignoring the fact that the guy is so immature that it feels really inappropriate to stick a label of that kind on him (the fact that he's immature is not my delusion, he's been called like that multiple times by CLAMP in their Twitter Spaces). I get it, in the beginning Kaito really looked way older than what he's looking now. At some point me and a friend found out that in volume 3 CLAMP removed the adam's apple that was drawn on him on his first appearance in chapter 11 while it was serializing on Nakayoshi...we wondered for years what was that for, and it's apparent now with the constant and gradual "rejuvenation" process he underwent throughout the story that "someone" clearly didn't specify or didn't communicate Kaito's age properly to her colleague, and they had to correct that "in progress". The fact he's never been drawn with that adam's apple ever again indicates that he's not meant to be considered a full grown adult in his 20s, for example. Then, another culprit is certainly the ENG translation, which keeps making other characters refer to him as a "man" when no one in this manga ever called him like that. They call him "butler", or "attendant", "magician", he's even called "kid" by Momo and Lilie. But never specifically "man".

I've expressed my thoughts on this matter three years ago in response to an ask and now with (much more) updated information I can confirm even further what I said back then: I'm not usually one into age gap ships (despite it's still a popular trope in Japan and not only), but this one really got me by the throat because of the intensity of their story and the emotional development that touches my heartstrings in a very deep way. Probably due to their shared background, I feel an intense wish to see them happy, see them together and comforting eachother because when I think about them I don't see their age, and honestly with how immature Kaito is, I don't even feel the "age gap". I completely agree with you that there isn't absolutely any sexual connotation to the feelings these two are having for eachother at the moment, but honestly it's like that with all the ships in CCS. For a person on the asexual spectrum like me, CCS is like a breath of fresh air and a story I can really resonate with. It's true that its protagonists are very young, maybe too young to feel that kind of attraction, but the same treatment is given to the more mature characters as well, so you really feel that that is the "protected environment" where CLAMP want these characters to interact. Moreover, judging from the "vibe" he's giving, I have the headcanon that Kaito might actually be asexual or demisexual. I totally understand what you mean when you say that Kaho and Eriol are mental peers, in fact it's really true due to Eriol's circumstances, and they're not together because of their bodies but because of their soul, heart and mind. That is also what makes me support Kaito and Akiho romantically, it's because they're soulmates and as such, they recognize eachother no matter the time, space or events in between, and react accordingly. Let's also remember that when Kaito decided to accompany Akiho in her travel to collect books, and therefore starting his plan to save her, he was a kid himself. You can see it in the latest flashback of ch. 70. We don't know exactly what kind of emotion "unlocked" his stunted will to interact and do something for someone else, but certainly he was already feeling some kind of "connection" to her, which became only deeper along the years and eventually brought him to extend his plan from "I need to remove the artifact from her" to "I want to give her happiness" too.

Despite that, there are objections like "okay, even if you take out the sexual element from it, it's still wrong because of the power unbalance" and I swear to god, I can't feel that either, from them. There isn't any unbalance because first of all, he's working for her, he's not in a position of power over her (his being a magician does not factor in this because he used power to make her happy, not to dominate her), she's his freaking boss and he does whatever she asks him to. Moreover, when it's time for Akiho to call him out on his bullshit, she's absolutely not afraid to do so, like in chapter 52 and I think chapter 78 was the epitome of that. That shows that he isn't having ""power"" over her, he's not even manipulating her despite wanting her to not notice anything to not disrupt her peace of mind. She's not codependent on him, she's got her own life with her friends at school. She doesn't even see a parental, guiding figure in him, that's not what she's looking for in him and not what made her attracted to him: even when she was placed in a familiar environment where she got a father and even a brother, she still looked for him. Her heart, her very soul, still felt a huge void that hurt her everyday. We wouldn't see her going red as a tomato and be so assertive with him, if she looked at him as one of those figures. That's why I feel icked when some fans reduce their relationship to only that. I wouldn't be able to ship them if I detected those vibes. I honestly don't see anything toxic between them and I know that if CLAMP will confirm that Kaito reciprocates her, it wouldn't change much from what we have already seen till now, especially cause they're not SyaoSaku, they have their own story, their own couple dynamic, their own scars to heal from, and so also their own timing to become a full-fledged couple, in that sense. For now he would just continue to express his love through food and the care he's been taking of her till now. Especially cause he would need to learn along the way how this "strange thing" works. That's why I say that they would "grow up together". *draws a deep breath*

.....Oh my god, did I really write all of that? 😂 You just need to mention those two and it's like you're opening the dam 😂😂😂 It might also be that I'm a little bit in abstinence of long talks about those two and their story.....Well. I took it as an opportunity to state once again my view about those two characters and their romantic involvement.

Now, onto the other part of the ask...

There's a lot of speculation that can be done about Nadeshiko's family, but there is a canon material that helps us understanding at least a little bit more than what was said in the manga/anime, that's the first Drama CD of the OG series, "Sakura and her mother's organ", where Sakura needs to write about her mother for an assignment at school and Fujitaka talks a little about her past. Apparently, Nadeshiko worked as a model when she was very little, she was an elementary schooler and it seems like she was convinced to get into that industry because an acquaintance of her father and grandfather (Masaki) asked them so. Nadeshiko didn't care for that experience, though, because as Fujitaka says "it's a very complicated environment", and she dropped it by the time she went to middle school.

In that drama CD was already introduced the fact that Nadeshiko had a mysterious power, and more specifically, was able to know future events in advance: for example she already knew thanks to her "sixth sense" that she would have two children, a boy and a girl. For this reason, she was the one to beat Fujitaka to the punch when it came to propose for marriage. Yes, it was Nadeshiko the one who asked Fujitaka to get married! And in the same way she also seemed particularly eager to have children soon, I can't shake off this idea that she probably already knew or could feel that she didn't have much time left to live....... And that's also why she decided to take on again the modeling job because she felt that was something she could easily do towards the goal of acquiring a nice house in "a city full of greenery", thanks to Clear Card now we also know that Nadeshiko wasn't looking for "any house", but a specifically well positioned and special house with a barrier that would protect the ones who would become her family in the future.

From what's depicted in this Drama CD, I get the idea that Nadeshiko's family of origin was very wealthy and they probably loved her, but she didn't feel understood in that kind of environment. Like, money, this modeling job based on looks, it was very far from what Nadeshiko was searching for in life. And that's probably why she recognized her soulmate in Fujitaka, who's still got this aura of "naivety" and is extremely kind to this day, and probably why she sought after her happiness with him, eventually causing a rupture with her family of origin.

We don't know really anything about Nadeshiko's grandmother, and there isn't really any tie (that we know of, coming to chapter 78) to England in that sense: Nadeshiko was able to meet Lilie because she went there with her grandparents in occasion of one of their travels abroad. Nadeshiko and Lilie didn't spend long time together, but they bonded greatly over such short period of time. Yeah, I can see how this part might have been confusing in the ENG translation.

Actually, in relation to the "Reed" clan, I've had for the longest time the theory that the Squids are actually the Reed clan 😂😂 so the "Reed in disguise" would be our Akiho! I know for a fact that a huge translation mistake in the ENG version makes one of the Squids say "we have the same blood of Clow Reed", hence suggesting this theory as true, but sadly I have to confirm that we actually haven't had any kind of statement in that sense and that was just a translation mistake!

For Tomoyo's great capabilities, I think she's just amazing as she is!! Her intuition, after all, spans over many situations, not only when it comes to Sakura but about other people too! In one of the Clear Card chapters it was suggested that even Naoko involuntarily ended up writing a scenario for the play that was very fitting with the current situation, and that's something that people who are particularly perceptive are capable to do!

[banini-pen]

𝐓𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐩 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

"𝐓𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐎𝐬𝐤𝐚𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐮 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐖𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧, 𝐃𝐂, 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬, 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲.  𝐀𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐓𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐎𝐬𝐤𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐠 𝐓𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦."

Author: Anna James Series: Pages & Co. #3 Dates read: August 20 - 27, 2024 Star Rating: ⭑⭑⭑.5 (spoiler review under the cut)

I enjoyed the characters so much more in this book. From the old to the new characters, they were all delightful to witness. Although some characters did make me sigh from discontent, that's neither here nor there. However, I did feel like it was dragging itself through the middle section of the first half.

The beginning picks up right where the second book finished. With Tilly and her family now having to witness the aftermath of the Underwoods. Now Tilly has surety to find the Archivists from the clues given to her through book wandering from the previous book. She must find them before the entirety of book wandering for children is taken away by the Underwoods.

One of the best characters is Oskar, the supportive friend who helps Tilly in her adventures. I love how much we have seen him grow as a character and a friend to Tilly. His smart and witty lines, alongside his smarts, were a joy to read. It was also so sweet to watch Tilly and Oskar put their heads together to work things out and solve the map.

Another character that I greatly enjoyed was Bea. I love seeing more of her character in how she interacts with Tilly and Oskar. How brave and sure she is in her decisions. That she knows what needs to be done, without sacrificing her family’s safety. Plus, the things she got up to during the story were fun to witness, especially Tilly and Oskar’s reaction to it.

The last character that was a surprise, a pleasant one, was Will, better known as William Shakespeare. Yup, the William Shakespeare appears in the books, whilst not as an actual human being, he was so much fun. Made up of ‘book magic’ or ‘imagination magic’ he was a character that unexpectedly had so much depth and wisdom to him. His lines and actions made it clear that he isn’t someone who is from modern times, as sometimes dialogues were spoken at the wrong time. However, this added more to his character and how he spoke, with words of wisdom and poetry that were fun. It is sad that he only appeared towards the latter half and perished in the end, sacrificing himself.

One other thing I greatly enjoyed about this story was the Sesquipedalian. The train that runs on pure imagination and traverses through books. I’m thoroughly amused by the idea of a train journey through different books and stories. Sure the conductor himself wasn’t my favourite character, but Milo was surely one character that I’m fond of. With his kindness and love for what he does, it was no surprise that I grew fond of him through the journey.

All in all, this was a wonderful book that I enjoyed reading. Was it the best from the series so far? No, the first book is still the best. However, the characters make up for the lacking plot. While the idea was fun, the execution was not the best, yet even with it it was still an enjoyable read with many quotes underlined.

[adonis-koo]

wish you were mine

Summary: in which you may or may not be secretly in love with your hybrid but you refuse to cross that line....except he’s secretly in love with you too

Pairing: Rabbit hybrid!Jungkook/Reader

Genre: hybrid AU!! fluff, smut

Word Count: 3k

Tags: jungkook is a giant flemish hybrid, so he’s ummm big, in more ways then one :’ ), masturbation, hinted subby Jungkook, talk of heats,

Note: y’all actually liked the lil blurb I did yesterday so here you go 😭 this is probably gonna be an ask based AU mainly so pop off in my inbox if y’all are curious on their dynamics after this. unless y’all really want me to commit to this as a series then 😳

~ unedited ~

Most mornings, especially when the colder weather came around, were like this. You’d usually say goodnight to Jungkook before going to your room. But more days then less, you went to bed alone and woke up with the admittedly warm hybrid practically crushing you beneath him. Soft fuzzy ears rubbing into your skin and you could hear his teeth clicking gently in a purr of contentment.

It wasn’t really his fault, hybrids often liked sleeping with their owners, bunny hybrids particularly were high maintenance, constantly craving affection and they were massive PDA lovers, it took the first six months for hybrids to become familiar enough and comfortable to sleep with owners so Jungkook living with you for three years made sense that he’d have no problems curling up against you at night no ask needed.

“Bub, I gotta go.” You groaned as you checked your phone, Jungkook shifted on top of you as you heard a discontented sigh from him, his body curling as if to make himself smaller, sometimes you’d wake up to a little bunny sprawled out on your back, not that you didn’t think it was adorable. But Jungkook preferred being human more than rabbit.

“It’s Saturday!” Jungkook slurred with a whine, nudging against you as his fluffy ears tickled against your skin, “Can’t you skip?” He whined again as he shifted to lay completely on top of you as you huffed. Most bunny hybrids were considerably petit in nature but Jungkook...well not your Jungkook, he was a giant flemish making him...well giant...You could still remember the way he used to loathe his size, making him unsaleable to many and unwanted to venders.

But after being with you his mindset slowly changed, suddenly with your job he was glad he was tall and naturally filled with muscle.

Jungkook was a very proud hybrid now, often going to the gym when you dropped him off, always standing tall and shuffling closer anytime he thought you could be in potential danger. He secretly loved it, loved being able to completely wrap himself around. He whined once more as he felt you shift beneath him, his nose nudging back into your neck, the soft smell of jasmine and fresh rain against his nose, he often associated this smell with home... it was your scent after all.

The only thing that smelt better on you was him. “It’s mandatory Bub,” Your voice amused, no matter how big and bad Jungkook might consider himself he was still your little whiney bunny, “Come on, I need to go shower.”

After a final whine he reluctantly rolled off you and onto his back, his temperature rising quickly as pain shot through his body causing a sharp whimper to escape his lips that caught your attention as you turned to face him as you stood up, “Are you okay bub?” Jungkook debated on lying and saying no if it meant you’d stay with him, putting a hand on his forehead you sighed, “You’re burning up, it’s almost your heat isn’t it?”

You silently berated yourself on how you had forgotten, not all hybrids had monthly heats- most didn’t. But bunny hybrids had a double douse, not only was the original dog DNA the reason for all hybrid heats but also the strong urge of rabbit DNA to procreate, Jungkook had it pretty bad with monthly heats.

Luckily your friend Yoongi has a bunny hybrid as well that served as heat partners to one another. Jungkook however was...stubborn...to say the least about mating with Hyuna. Until his heat hit at least. Jungkook only curled up, grabbing your pillow as he sharply inhaled your scent that always comforted and calmed down his raging hormones. Grumbling he roughly nudged the pillow, letting you know that his shift in hormones would soon pass from whiny and clingy to aggressive and broody. It wasn’t like he could help it, not really, closer to his heat he often got aggressive over you. Aggressive and protective, always brooding and leering over your shoulder and glaring at anything he thought was a potential threat.

Clacking your tongue you made note to call Yoongi later today as you grabbed a change of clothes and walked down the hall to the bathroom to start on your shower.

He would also be aggressive towards you, never in a violent way, but it was so jarring the first time he experienced his heat while living with you, he was nothing like his usual self. But after a short research you quickly found out that it was just his animal instincts coming out, often his aggressiveness was a way of asserting his dominance over you- not that he ever got far into it before you began reprimanding him.

During the week leading up to his heat there were a lot of outlandish displays of aggression, as you had read- it was usually in show of who you belonged too and who owned you. The article nearly made you snort. This was the same man who nearly cried every time you woke up to him rutting into your back until he came himself.

Sighing you ran your hands through your hair as the warm water poured down your back. Jungkook often whined about not wanting a heat partner, ‘Why can’t you just help me?’

Tension always ensued after questions like those before you’d give a string of excuses, work being the big one but also the fact that he was a hybrid and you were a human and technically he was licensed as your pet you didn’t agree by any means with the legal system. Jungkook was living breathing human who just so happened to have two long ears and a fluffy puffball tail, but that didn’t change the fact that...that...wasn’t that technically a form of bestiality?

You mentally cringed as you began to wash your hair. Hybrid human relationships weren’t unheard of, but usually it wasn’t consenting, and if it was it would get drowned in hate and be frowned upon. It wasn’t like you didn’t want too, but that was the part that frightened you, you wanted it. And you got Jungkook didn’t see it the way you did, heat partners were very casual and Jungkook had never not once mentioned Hyuna outside of heats but…

You didn’t even want to go there with him, boundaries were good, they were healthy. And more than anything, you didn’t want to take advantage of Jungkook, who didn’t have anyone to turn to or to go too if things went sour between you both. You would never put him in a compromising situation. It was already bad enough the days you woke up to him rutting against you that you actually entertained him.

You could feel your breath hitch at so many memories of drowsily pulling his throbbing cock from his sweats, it was so thick and heavy, his size was absolutely not close to a regular human, he was 6’4 after all.

And yet despite him being able to double your weight in bench press he’d be so teary eyed and dilated while rutting his cock into your hand, you can still remember how his head was weepy with pearls of precum, the base of his cock was so tender and trying to swell into a knot. His body thrashed and he was whining and crying about wanting to cum. You groaned as you felt slick arousal form between your legs, how did you ever have the self restraint to keep yourself from crossing lines you constantly toed?

Letting your hands run up your body you squeezed your tender breasts, pinching at your nipples as your breath hitched. You’d never forgot the way he’d twist and turn and help, his hips chasing the way your hand would stroke up his cock while you edged him. God you felt sick, the sadistic side of you getting wet at the sight of his tears and his begging, it was making you wet right now and without enough time to properly take care of yourself. Groaning you let your fingers swipe through your lips, glossy arousal coating your fingers as you carefully set your leg on top of the edge of the bathtub, the hot water making your mind fog as you let your fingers circle around your sensitive little bud.

You could remember clearly that morning, the way his thick imprint was snug against your ass, his hips rutting frantically and he moaned whimpers against your neck. You had woken up tired and asking for him to stop only to realize he was asleep. It wasn’t the first and it certainly wouldn’t be the last you turned to face him and sneak your hand inside his sweats.

Your fingers quickly swiped against your clit faster as they have a seeming thrust for something that wasn’t there as you bit your lip in frustration, the memory of his high pitched moan when your hand stroked his throbbing length in his pants, hips becoming more frantic before you pulled down his pants down his hips, his cock was thick and girthy, not massive in length but a good size that complimented his insane width.

No matter how big your bunny was he was so small when you poured a little oil in your palm and stroked him, the way he’d whine and whimper waking up to his hips rutting into your hand as he moaned relentlessly.

Your free hand quickly shot down your body, your fingers frantically rubbing your clit as pleasure throbbed but it wasn’t nearly enough, pushing two fingers inside yourself you squeaked out at the feeling of your walls clenching harshly. You still remember straddling his thighs and telling him how much of a good boy he was. The way he’d curl and strain, his cheeks on fire and tears trickling down his face when you’d deny him before ruthlessly stroking his tender base that was trying to swell so desperately.

Soft moans fell from your lips, your walls clenching around your fingers as you pumped them inside you, your other hand working your clit before finding your sweet spot causing a short yelp to escape you. Just the memory of his fat purple head leaking precum was causing your thighs to shake while you stroked down to his base, gently stroking the little bump on his base as you told your good bunny to cum for you.

The way his hips lifted off the bed in chase of your hand as he sobbed, cum spewing from his little slit as pleasure took over his body in ecstasy

You let out a squeal that was a little too loud as you harshly came, your walls wrapping tight around your fingers as you moaned, slumping against the cold wall as your hips rode your fingers in chase of your pleasure. One orgasm wasn’t even close to enough to satisfy you after vividly remembering the handjob you gave Jungkook last week but you were already gonna be late as it was because of your hormones. Feeling your walls relax around your fingers before clenching you sighed. God you hated yourself.

Little did you know the bunny hybrid who always had sensitive ears could pick up on every little noise you made while shamelessly jerking himself off outside the bathroom door before cum painted against the wall.

-----

“Have you confessed to her yet?”

Jungkook let out a sigh as he buried into his arms, the tickle of the hair from his ears against his skin at Taehyung’s consistent pestering, the dog hybrid’s nose wrinkling a little as he spoke, “What’s the worst that could go wrong?”

Jungkook could’ve went over to see Taehyung, but he had promised you he’d stay home today, always knowing how worried you got when he went out on his own. Hybrid walkways were made to keep them safe for passage but hybrid catchers weren’t uncommon. You’d know better then anyone given that was the cases you were usually working in.

Technology was wonderful though, being able to video call Taehyung who’s owner- Seokjin who just so happened to be your partner was also at this mandatory meeting, “Oh you mean other than ruining my relationship with her as is and how she’d kick me out and tell me I’m disgusting and that she never wants to see me again?”

Jungkook deflated, growling a little as Seokjin popped up in his mind again, grinding his teeth in annoyance, you better not let him scent you or touch you at all. Realizing what he was thinking he swallowed thickly, running a hand through his wet locks from his shower as he sat up in bed. His heat was getting closer, he could tell. It was a struggle every month, Jungkook had a hard enough time as it was keeping himself off you.

It was downright humiliating the way he acted towards you every month and every month you took it graciously but it was still embarrassing for him to cling to you and get pushy and sour. He couldn’t help it, it would be so much easier if you were the one with him during his heats. He wouldn’t be so aggressive if he could just mate with the person he wanted.

“She wouldn’t do that to you!” Taehyung objected in your defense, the german shepherd hybrid loyal to the very end, to be fair Taehyung had known you longer then he had, jealousy oozing in the back of his mind at the notion, “Look, it’s just better to be honest with her about it and you guys can go from there.”

“Easy for you to say.” Jungkook grumbled as he laid back down in bed, sharply inhaling as he felt his cock stirring once again at the moans he didn’t mean to listen to this morning, but he intended on going to the kitchen to make breakfast for you when he passed by and…”She should be home soon. Look, we’ll talk later okay?”

Taehyung frowned before shrugging, “Alright cool, isn’t your heat coming up though? Are you gonna spend it with Hyuna again?

So many fucking questions, Jungkook felt annoyance prick in him the imprint became thicker, the need to ruthlessly jerk himself off raising as he replied, “Only because I don’t have a choice,” He brooded, “But yeah, should start in a few days.”

“Just talk to her man, i’ll see you later.”

Jungkook gladly ended the call as he groaned, hand immediately pushing down beneath his waistband, talk to you about it, what a joke. Leaning over he poured a little oil into his hand as he groaned, pulling his cock from the band of his sweatpants as he gave a tug at his base, thighs stiffening as his jaw clenched.

The sweet smell of jasmine suddenly hitting his nose as he jumped up from your bed, the faint sound of jingling causing him to hurriedly tuck himself back into his pants and pounce into the bathroom to clean up his hands frantically to greet you. Had the meeting get done early.

Excitement lit through his veins and his cock tightening causing a sharp whine to escape him, tugging his loose shirt down to hide the embarrassing sight before quickly walking down the hall.

“Bub I’m home- Oh!” You had your back turned to shut the door when arms suddenly wrapped around you, a cute rounded nose rubbing into your neck as you let out a laugh, “Jungkook stop!” You grabbed the large arms that wrapped around you, the loud purr erupting as his teeth clacked, furry ears rubbing along your skin before a growl escaped him, “Why do you smell like Hoseok.”

He instantly demanded, turning you around as you raised your brows, your neck bending to look up at the tall demanding bunny, “He gave me a coffee when I got to the station…?”

Jungkook was immediately back against your neck as his lips twitched, “You smell like him.” He growled lowly as he roughly rubbed his scent gland along your skin. You gave an exasperated sigh as you paused, knowing any sort of movement would be taken as resistance and would earn you a snappy snarl.

After a minute he paused before pulling a little away from you and giving you a sniff before smiling, “Better,” That earned him an eye roll from you as he gave a semi sheepish smile, feeling a lot better now that your scent was drowned in his musk to ward off any competition, “Can you make some kimbap please.” His soft doughy lips tugged into a pout as if he didn’t just snap for you to be still five seconds prior.

Sighing you offered a weak smile, “Of course bub.” You reached your hand up, not even close to reach his head but Jungkook immediately leaned down a little, a purr of his teeth clicking as you rubbed your fingers into his hair, letting your nails gently dig against the base of his ears.

After making lunch you sat out on the couch, Jungkook immediately collapsed on top of you making you wheeze, grabbing your hand he placed it on his head as he gave a little whine, the way he often did when he wanted attention, “You left me all morning! Please.” He cried out, making you chuckle before giving in, yoru fingers slating through his soft dark locks of hair before stroking against the base of his ears.

His body melted into yours before you heard a thump against the couch, the smile crinkling on your lips as you watch his foot thump, Jungkook oftened hid a lot of his more bunny tendencies outside of home, he despised being treated like the tender stereotype that was often portrayed.

But in the comforts of his home he was relaxed, loved your fingers scratching along the base of his ears, his leg thumping in contentment and a toothy purr from his mouth. He absolutely preened for your attention.

His upcoming heat was only making him more needy than usually, wanting all of your time and affection, but luckily it was the weekend and now that your meeting was over you’d be all his for the next two days. Nudging against your soft breasts Jungkook sighed, closing his eyes as he let out a whine. He didn’t want to be with Hyuna, he wanted to share his heat with you.

Maybe, Taehyung was right, maybe he’d finally have that conversation with you.

[cafeacademia]

Admirers || Part i

Draco x Reader

Summary: Both Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini have developed feelings for their friend at different points of their lives, but now as Valentine’s Day approaches, they realise there’s only space for one of them in your heart.

Warnings: Jealousy, fluff, mild angst, thoughts of potential unrequited love, soft Draco

Word count: Approx 2740

Masterlist

A/N: Hi loves! Here’s the first part to a mini series that will have at least one other part, plus two extra parts after that for you to choose which boy the reader ends up with! I hope you enjoy, also apologies, I’ve not heavily edited this, please forgive mistakes, I’m just writing this for fun 💕

He admired you, the light warm and hazy as he gently gripped a folded parchment between his fingers, watching as you sat alone in the library. You looked so pretty in the mid afternoon glow that was cast by the old wobbled glass windows, the sun shining through the drafty panes.

It was early February, the wind carrying a drift of heavy snow through the grounds, the sun’s usually bright hue was softened to a gentle warmth by the misty clouds.

But what softened Draco more was that while you were relaxed in your seat, you sat with his Slytherin scarf draped around your shoulders to keep the cold draft at bay. He loved seeing you like that, wearing his things, seeing how comfortable you looked as you wore something that belonged to him, that smelled like him.

You might have been best friends, but Draco couldn’t deny he saw something more and as he stood at the edge of the bookcase, his fingers running along the crease of the parchment in his hands, he pushed away from the bookcase to approach you. Though, as he stood a step in your direction, his movements diverted when another student, seemingly appearing out of nowhere approached you more quickly than he had and Draco’s jaw clenched in sudden irritation as he watched.

“There you are, I was looking everywhere for you.” Blaise Zabini said as he pulled out the chair next to you, dropping into his seat and scooting up close to your side. Why did it anger Draco so much to see Zabini this close to you? It wasn’t as if you liked Blaise, was it? No more than a friend or a classmate he had supposed, but now as you glanced over at the Slytherin next to you with a dreamy little smile, Draco felt little cause to justify his irritation now and instead of approaching you like he had intended, for once, he turned around and walked away.

“You were? Well I was right where I told you I’d be, I think you’re just making up for the fact that you’re late.” You said teasingly, prodding Blaise in the arm as you slid your textbook across so that he could see what you were working on. “We’ve got another few days until our project is due, I’ve finished this part of the analysis, but I think we still need to do some research on the properties inside of the lake.” You explained, shuffling around some papers and showing Blaise everything so he could catch up on what you had done.

Had it not been for this very class project, you might not have gotten to know Blaise much more than you already did. You had of course hung out with him now and again while you were around Draco, but he tended to stay quiet in groups. It was only until he was your assigned project partner that you actually got to know him better and you were pleasantly surprised to say the least. Blaise was charming, quiet and enthralling, he had an air about him that was brooding, his strong silence emitting an even stronger confidence. While he appeared quite stoic, it was however, not uncommon for him to smile around you and you had begun to grow quite fond of the way he looked at you.

“I’m sure we can get this all done before the weekend, we wouldn’t want it to get in the way of any plans for Valentine’s day.” Blaise said, a smirk playing on his lips as he spoke, though you didn’t catch it, far too busy collecting your papers together. “Oh don’t worry about that,” You said, pausing for a moment as you closed the textbook that sat between you. “I don’t really have any plans.” You added, looking at him with a little smile as you began to pack away your things.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning? We can finish off the last of our research before class on Friday.” You asked, getting up from your seat, the Slytherin looking up at you from his lounged position in his chair with a lopsided smile. “I was actually hoping that you might join me for dinner?” Blaise asked, watching as you put the last of your things away, your movements slowing as you listened to his question. “I’m sorry Blaise, I already promised Draco I’d eat with him tonight.” Giving him an apologetic smile, you sighed a little and picked up your bag, turning away to leave your project partner to finish working on his part of the work.

“Dray! Wait a second, won’t you?” You asked, hurrying to catch up with your best friend as you quickly hurried along towards the bridge towards him. “How did the project go?” Draco asked, his voice more glum than usual, hands shoved into his trouser pockets and a look of discontent on his features. You were a little disappointed that you hadn’t been greeted by him with his usual enthusiasm to see you and instead, you pulled his scarf off your shoulders, circling around to his front to gently wrap the soft woollen garment around his neck, the ashen haired boy giving you a soft smile as you did.

You always managed to pull him in, make him feel like he was sinking in something so wonderful, heavenly like sweet honey, thick soft blankets or something as utterly divine as silk. It was that way especially when your fingers brushed his, like they did now, your hand almost accidentally brushing against his, and yet he did not flinch away, nor did he reach for you, Draco just purely appreciated it and smiled as you looked up at him with unrivalled joy at just seeing your best friend.

“It went okay, Blaise was late again and he hasn’t finished his part of the project yet either.” You sighed, Draco didn’t catch whether you had rolled your eyes or not when you stepped back to walk along at his side, but he imagined you might have accompanied that statement with an eyeroll. “Of course he hasn’t.” Draco mumbled, gritting his teeth as you walked along together. “What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, glancing up at him, the ashen haired boy just looking down at you with a soft smile, raising his hand from his pocket to affectionately rest it on the back of your head for a moment. “Nothing, Zabini likes leaving things until the last minute is all, don’t let him stress you out. I still don’t know how he manages to pull that all together into a good grade at the end.” Draco sighed, slowly resting his hand on your shoulder before he pulled it back down into his pocket.

“You’ll tell me if he tries to mess with the project, won’t you? I don’t want him taking your credit or something ridiculous.” Draco asked, glancing over at you as you paused halfway across the bridge to look out across the still frozen lake. “I don’t think he will, but I’ll tell you if he does.” You assured him, nodding as you sunk against his side, the boy putting his arm around you.

“Draco, do you perhaps… Have any plans for um-.” You cut yourself off mid sentence, nervous to really ask what you had been about to and you glanced over at him, only to wish that in some ways, you hadn’t. He was listening to you so intently, a small, warm smile on his lips as he waited for you to finish your question, brows slightly raised in a questioning fashion as he met your eyes, his smile widening as he did. “The weekend?” You finally finished your sentence, your voice smaller than you had intended it to be and avoiding the Valentine's day question that had been on the tip of your tongue, but that you had been too shy to ask about. Draco looked away for a moment, smiling to himself as you nervously fidgeted beside him, his arm pulling you closer against his side and squeezing you tightly. “No, but I was going to ask-.” “There you are!” Blaise said for the second time that day, practically legging it across the bridge towards you, Draco’s arm sliding off your shoulder as he approached.

“I think you took one of my papers with you, I need it to finish what I was writing and I swear it was on the desk when I came to the library.” Blaise said, watching as you awkwardly apologised and began to rifle through your bag. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” Blaise said rather nonchalantly, Draco fixing a heavy glare on his friend and if looks could kill, this was by far the most deadly glare Draco had thrown at a single person before. But either it went straight over Blaise’s head or he knew not to dig much further and he took the paper that you had extended towards him and with a badly placed smirk and charming wink, Blaise threw you a smooth, “Thank you sweetheart.” Before turning away and returning to the castle.

Sweetheart. That really boiled Draco’s blood, his jaw clenched so tightly that it would ache for the rest of the day and his hands were so tightly balled up into fists that there would surely be indents from where he had dug into his palms in pure irritation. He’d have to say something, speak up about it because as far as Draco was concerned, you weren’t Blaise’s. You were his, as long as you’d have him.

“Are you alright, Draco?” You asked softly, looking up at him with concern in your eyes, the Slytherin glancing at you and slowly letting the tension go, relaxing a little as you reached out for him and gently took his hand in yours. Letting out a sigh, he closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself, wanting not to snap at the person he loved so dearly and opened his eyes to give you a faint smile. “Yes love, come, let’s enjoy the snow before it gets dark.”

“Morning, I see you’re early today.” You smiled, approaching Blaise in the library the next morning as he stood in front of a bookcase with a small stack of books in his arms, presumably about Hogwarts history and the magical properties of the geological surroundings of the school. “Yeah, I wanted to get a head start since I slacked a bit on the last part we worked on.” Blaise said idly as he thumbed through a book. “I think this is everything we need, shouldn’t take us too long.” He told you, giving you a big smile before walking you over to the table he had picked for you both to sit at.

It wasn’t long into your research, both of you making notes as you sifted through information in the books before Blaise turned to casual conversation to fill the silence. “So, you and Malfoy,” He paused, watching as you looked up from your notebook with a raised eyebrow. “What about Draco?” You asked. “Are you two a thing?” Blaise asked.

“A what?” You questioned. “A thing, y’know are you dating?” He asked more bluntly this time and you jerked back in your seat a little at how direct his question had been. “Oh, no we’re- no we’re not.” You said it with a slight frown, dropping your voice in the last part of your sentence, dipping back into your book. While some might have read your response as being one of disappointment, Blaise smiled to himself as he thought about it. “So yesterday on the bridge wasn’t- I mean I wasn’t interrupting a date, was I?” Blaise asked. “A date?” You almost snorted, surely Draco would never date you. Of course, you were best friends, you’d had a crush on him for the longest time, but he had never made a move towards you in all of the years you had known each other and you didn’t think he would either. “No, we were just hanging out. We’re just friends, Blaise.” You said, an edge of discomfort in your voice.

“In that case, fancy a butterbeer tomorrow after we hand in our project, I’m free all afternoon.” Blaise grinned, watching as you paused, slowly lowering your quill and looking up at him with mild disbelief on your features. “A date, perhaps, or just as friends?” He added with confidence in his voice as he leaned against the table, casually lounging as he leafed through the book as if he hadn’t just asked you on a date. “Um-.” “It’s okay, you don’t have to say yes, it’s a no pressure thing. Just thought that since we’ve been working on this project that you might want to let off some steam and wind down before the weekend.” Blaise interrupted your hesitancy and while you sat there, wondering for a moment what your answer might be, you looked up to meet his eyes, your heart softened by the confident smile that he wore as he waited for your response.

It wasn’t as if you had any plans and the idea of celebrating the end of the project you had both worked hard on did seem like a nice way to end it. And yet, while you contemplated, your mind flicked to Draco for a moment and you sighed, thinking it over. You wanted to spend time with him, but you were always scared to go further than just friends, especially because he never really showed much interest in going further with you. So instead, you looked up a Blaise, met his eyes with a sweet smile and nodded. “Actually, a butterbeer sounds good.” You told him, the boy’s smile widening into a bright grin. “Brilliant.”

It wasn’t long before you both finished the last of your research, Blaise volunteered to write it up and promised to deliver the paper to you later that day for you to read and you were finally able to get on with the rest of your day. It was just then, as you exited the library just after Blaise, that Draco stopped you in the hallway.

“Hi love, how did it go?” Draco asked, gently leaning his arm against the wall so he could stand over you as you talked. You couldn’t lie, having him stand over you like that made you feel a certain way, but nearly everything Draco did around you made you feel flushed and giddy and shy. “Do you just lurk until I’m done studying?” You teased, unable to meet his eyes, the Slytherin snorting out a laugh. “Something like that, I wasn’t far away and I knew you’d finish around this time.” Draco shrugged, gently tugging your books out of your hands to carry them himself. “Besides, I prefer filling my time with you.” Draco said it offhandedly, if only he knew exactly how that had made you feel, the butterflies in your stomach and the way it melted you.

“Are we still on for our day together on Saturday?” Draco asked as you walked along together towards your next class. “Of course we are, I’d never miss it.” And you wouldn’t, you spent every Saturday with Draco and contrary to spending time together all day, this was different. It was a time to relax and unwind from the week together. And more importantly, it was special. “Good, it’s a special one.” Draco told you as you rounded the corner, the two of you stopping outside of your classroom before he handed you your books and backed away from you with a lopsided grin and dreamy look in his eyes.

And as you watched him walk away, you couldn’t help but wonder what Saturday was all about. Besides, Valentine’s day was just around the corner and the closer you got to the day, the more you wondered if something might happen.

Blaise wandered to his class with a Valentine’s day card hidden in his pocket and Draco with a sweetly worded letter in his, waiting for the opportune moment to pass it to you. Draco just wasn’t sure his spoken words would suffice, but the worry that sat in the pit of both boy’s stomachs was enough to make them both feel on edge, because they both knew the other might make a move before they could.

Taglist (OPEN):

@kitkatd7​ @paintballkid711​ @thesewaywardskies​ @coldlilheart​ @victorialynn7​ @pandaxnienke​ @megantje123​ @loving-life-my-way​ @chaotic-fae-queen​ @theweasleyslut​ @daltonacademia​ @amourtentiaa​ @sincerelymalfoy​ @slytherinwh0re​ @dracosaccount​ @dreaming-about-fanfictions​

[staarshines]

You. 5/17: Rey & Finn Are Playing Matchmaker Now || P.D.

| You. Masterlist | Note that this can be read as a oneshot; just ignore the first and last parts.

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of sex

Word Count: 1.4k

Poe decides to snoop around in your datapad and discovers a folder called “You”. Upon opening it and reading through the entries, memories are brought back and he discovers something he was never supposed to know about.

[A/N]: LMAO IT’S BEEN FOUR MONTHS SINCE THIS SERIES HAS BEEN UPDATED NO- also i hate this part with all my heart. it’s basically just crack fluff and nothing else, but i was too tired to take it out of the masterlist plus i had to fulfill this. the next chapter is going to have a bit more substance and the one after that is just pure crack, but all the chapters after that? the plot develops. 

I don’t even know why I’m adding this as an entry, but I can’t stop thinking about your little “Sure.” after I asked why it was so surprising that I liked someone. Maybe I’m overthinking. I’m overthinking, right? Nevertheless, I guess I’ll just put this down as the date that Rey and Finn officially started playing matchmakers. Anything awkward and out of the ordinary that seems like it was staged somehow probably happened as a result of them. 

"Slow days like these are rare," Finn mutters, slumping down a little lower in his chair. You scan the cantina, noting that it was busier than usual due to the low number of people out on missions or doing their jobs. Rey quickly slaps Finn's shoulder, to which he jolts a bit forward at, giving Rey a dirty look before leaning back in his chair.

"Don't jinx it!" Before you can remark on their antics, Poe plops down in the seat right next to yours, startling you for a moment.

"And where have you been, flyboy?" He gives you a tired smile before ruffling his hair and sighing.

"I fucked up Black One pretty bad last mission. I had to make sure my mechanic didn't have a heart attack after seeing the state the hyperdrive generator was in." You chuckle a bit at his words, sliding your soda over to him and watching him take it with a grateful nod. Rey raises her eyebrows and you can see the hint of a smile on her face, to which in turn you roll your eyes at.

Her and Finn have been making offhand comments about you and Poe for a while ever since you told them about the recon mission, and it's starting to get annoying. Not because they want you both to get together—that actually makes you oddly happy—but because they won't directly say it. They're beating around the bush, and as much as you want to believe that they're hinting at you and Poe getting together, you know you can't trust your thoughts—especially because you know firsthand how love could cloud your thoughts faster than Han Solo could finish the Kessel Run.

You drum your fingers on the table inattentively, eyes darting all around the cantina while your mind thinks of ways to cure the boredom that the four of you were suffering from—that doesn't involve taking more missions or finishing reports.

"Snap, where'd you get the slushies?" you hear Poe call out, your eyes falling on him holding two—one blue, and one orange.

"Someone from the Dagger Squadron lost a bet and now we have a slushy machine," he shrugs, making his way back to his table where Oddy was sitting.

"Is this really what happens around here?" you remark a bit teasingly, having expected the Resistance to be all "business". It wasn't until you actually joined the rebels that you realized being all "business" wasn't exactly how a team with a bond this strong was formed. And honestly? You loved the dynamic between everyone more than anything.

"I mean, the only reason we have a pizza kiln is because L'ulo said that Poe couldn't barrel roll into hyperspace," Finn adds, and your jaw drops.

"You did what?"

"I'm going to go get us some slushies—"

"You barrel rolled into hyperspace—"

"I can't hear you—"

"You're such a child—"

"Am not! Slushies aren't just for kids. Fuck society!" He gives you a teasing middle finger before getting up and heading towards the kitchen, leaving you speechless at his antics.

"I hate him so much," you mutter, leaning across the table to grab your soda once again.

"Sure you hate him." Finn snickers at Rey's remark but you just roll your eyes, flicking a stray wrapper at him. "I'm just saying."

"He's not wrong," Rey adds on. Great, here we go again. "How are you two not together yet? You're obviously hopelessly in love with him. You two casually fucking?" You choke on your soda, coughing to the side. When you thought you wanted them to directly say they wanted you and Poe to get together, you didn't expect a complete 180º.

"What the hell—?" you ask with an exaggerated breath, trying to force air into your lungs.

"See? Blind," Finn tells Rey, who just nods. You arch an eyebrow, eyes darting over to find Poe out of sight, much to your relief.

"Okay, maybe I have the slightest crush on him—"

"Knew it. Karé owes me twenty," Rey dismisses, much to your dismay.

"It was not that obvious!"

"Right, like you making heart eyes at him every time he gives your squadron commands in the morning isn't obvious."

"Wha— I do not!" You look to Rey for reassurance, but she's hiding a smile. "I do not!"

"Just keep telling yourself that," she winks, and you groan, slouching back into your chair.

"Oh look, he's coming back with two blues and two reds. Maybe your tongue will be purple by tonight." It takes you a minute to understand—wincing when you do—but Finn just bursts out in laughter, nodding. Yeah, and what about you two?

"Fuck, that was a good one."

"Both of you just— shut up! He doesn't like me like that, so there's no need to make fun of me for it. You guys are some best friends," you mumble, feeling a bit discontented with the deck you'd been dealt this afternoon.

"He doesn't like me like that," Rey mimics, earning a glare from you.

"You want me to say the same thing?" It takes her a minute to catch on, and she immediately bites her lip nervously, much to your amusement. "Everything that you said to me applies to you."

"Wait, she has a crush too?"

"Who does who like?" Poe sits down at the table, slowly unloading the glasses from his hands. You immediately go for the red and bite your tongue when Poe picks up a blue, Rey's comment still echoing in your head.

Maker, you all were such middle-schoolers, but fuck—you kind of loved the childish nature. After all, you four were exhausted from fighting. You all deserved a break.

"Rey over here—"

"I will impale you with my lightsaber—"

"—has a little crush on someone." She glares at you and the thought of sleeping with one eye open passes through your head, but you just shrug, feeling a little bold. "On base. Who knows her."

"Oh please, who doesn't know her?" You raise your eyebrows at Finn's remark and with that small twitch and Finn's one sentence, Poe immediately catches on.

"And who doesn't know you, Finn?" You close your eyes, sighing at how  obvious  Poe could be. You were barely holding yourself back from smacking him.

“You’re literally terrible at this,” you mumble, taking a pointed sip of your slushy and smiling a bit at the offended look on his face.

"Who I like isn't the point," Rey blurts out, clearly flustered. "The original conversation was about who Y/N here likes." This time, it's a death stare that Rey gets, but she just shrugs like what did you think I was going to do?

"Darling, you like someone?" You smile a bit at the nickname—that damned nickname, but try your best to remain indifferent.

"That's such a surprise?" you counter, watching him hold his hands up in surrender. He winks, making that Maker-damned fizzing feeling in your stomach return.

"Sure," he shrugs, suddenly very interested in his slushy. You're not sure how to read that, but you need to figure out what the  hell  Rey is trying to tell you first.

She makes a kissy face and looks at the both of you. C'mon, you two obviously are in love. You guys doing it?

You roll your eyes, frowning a little bit before eyeing Finn. Shut up. Are you two doing it?

Her face goes red before she fervently shakes her head, toning it down when she sees the silent conversation has caught the boys' attention. No! Maker, tell you about a crush and you'll hold it against me forever.

Raised eyebrows. I'm the one holding it against you?

Eyes rolling. I'm not holding it against you, dummy! I'm playing matchmaker!

A scoff before you're interrupted by Poe. Right. Well, you're terrible at it.

"If you two are done, can we have a conversation in a language all of us understand?"

Rey glares at you as a last remark. What, do you want me to downright tell him to kiss you?

Under your breath, sure that nobody can hear, you decide to let out a bit of your hopeless romantic.

"Would that really be so bad?"

“I fucking knew it. Well, we gotta get back at those two,” he whispers, rejoicing in the memory for a sweet second before the next entry catches his eye. “What the hell, protective me? Since when have I—” He clicks the entry, immediately stopping himself mid-sentence. “Oh. Right.”

Masterlist

All taglists are open! Send me an ask or a message :)

Permanent: @becausewhyknotme​, @browneyedhimbo​, @theladyoffangorn​, @officialtonystarkprotectionsquad​, @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam​, @fantasticcopeaglepasta​, @talk-geek-to-me​, @letsmellowjello​, @thescarletknight2014​, @bbluespiritzuko​, @brooklynsmorales​, @marvel-dameron​, @marvelinsanity​, @softly-sad​, @yourbucky084​, @mcolbz14​, @houseofthirst​, @arkofblake​, @asianravenpuff​

Star Wars: @kittyofalltrades​, @m1rkw00dpr1ncess​, @propertyofdindjarin​, @coldbreadbouquetworld​, @melvls​, @thedevilwearsbeskar, @agentshortstacc​

Poe Dameron: @poe-damnnn-eron​, @lapilark​, @peterhollandkait​, @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol​, @twomoonstwosuns​, @lady-sloan, @poes-stardust​, @legamelo​, @xremember-me-notx​, @imtheoutgoingsidekick-baby​, @yourbucky084​, @agents-assemble​, @daydreamerinadazedworld​, @darthadeline​

“You.” Taglist: @dameronsgalaxygal​​, @pretty-stupid-but-not-thatstupid​, @cloud-leader​​, @rae-rae-patcha​​, @eternallyvenus​​, @lanatheawesome​​, @multifandomlife22​​, @jerusomeeno​​, @hasrct-ay​​, @slut-for-bumblebees 

[bl-garbage]

to dance is to unshackle

um, okay—how else do i express this buoyant happiness that Gaya sa Pelikula has awoken inside me? i’m in complete and utter awe. i did not expect a drop of what the sixth episode has brought us. more than satisfying, it’s utterly fascinating. this is quite a lengthy post, but if you have the time, please bear with me. and since we’re already here, let’s fucking dissect the shit out of this:

right off the bat, it’s sweet how consistently written Vlad was the entire time of the show. at the start of the episode, for one, he was concerned with Karl’s disposition, saying, “anong iniisip mo (what are you thinking)?” and, later on, as we know, he pops that question again in this episode. what are you thinking? always in limbo. true, it’s considerate, yet more than that, it’s always a sign of waiting for permission. Vlad has been like this since the beginning: observant and willing to reach out, confident on the surface, yes, but always afraid of going overboard. 

that is not to say that Karl isn’t. in fact, the whole dynamics of their relationship rest on the fact that they can lean on each other and just be honest. many moments show this: Karl’s desire to shift; Vlad not getting  into the film lab and Karl knowing something was up; the entirety of Vlad’s birthday; Karl and Vlad’s reticence to open up to Anna, in contrast with how comfortable they feel with each other. in a nutshell, they’re each other’s homes. more on this later.

the part i was most frightened at with this episode was when Karl finally told his parents his desire to shift. to be honest, personally, i wouldn’t know exactly how that pressure on Karl feels, as i was able to study the degree i wanted. yet, back then, i had already known that my parents, who wholly supported me just the same, would have wanted a degree that leaned on science or engineering. that still sucked to know. Karl’s situation is much more complicated. his desire to shift to another course is to make up for lost time, a sense of hurrying before it really becomes all too late. this was a heavy lot to take in. the disappointment and anger in his father’s face when he dropped the bomb was too much to handle. Karl had expected it, yet its impact still hurled shrapnel that he was not able to dodge, sustaining him with several wounds. it would be curious to see how his parents come to terms with his confession. i am certain that a number of people have connected with Karl here.

which brings me to another point. Gaya sa Pelikula creates these characters with their own agency. it’s touted as a BL series, yes, but our two main characters’ point is actually not to fall in love — but to live, part of which is to fall in love. they have their hopes and dreams and own burdens to carry, and while falling in love takes centerstage here, we see how they can stand alone, on their own two feet. falling in love is central to their growth, but it is evident that love is not the whole point of their existence. 

speaking of which: ate judit. ah, yes, where do i even begin to explain the exquisiteness with which ate judit was written? how, after all of five episodes, it was only now did it make sense why judit was overly, unnaturally caring and protective, a mama bear that would not let anything happen to his little Vlad. now we know why: guilt.  

imagine that. being told you were the reason why your whole family went into shambles. there is much vindication in Vlad’s line of questioning, “why would you say that to a child?” (god, i’m tearing up even as i write this.) this was a pivotal scene, with a focal point on judit, the likes of whom we cannot entirely fault for not knowing any better. the fact remains that we are still in an era that fails to understand the spectrum of gender identities and the far utopia that we seek, where gender and sex would not be a damning classification anymore. and for true allies, it is in admitting that they “didn’t know then what [they] know now” that their support gains more strength. it is in confessing where they got wrong, how harmful their actions were, and in the commitment to do more, that their promise is made good.

parenthetically, can we talk about Vlad’s mom as well? have you all noticed how her voice broke when she said, “siguraduhin mong hindi ka na itatanggi niyan, ha (just make sure he won’t deny you, okay)?” was that pain, or guilt even? i wonder if we’re ever going to see her. it would be a regret not to. for so long Vlad had thought that he was the reason his father left, and that his mother was mad at his queerness. i wouldn’t want this simple call to be the resolution that the show had for him. at any rate, we have two more episodes to await, so i am not going to strike my gavel on this judgment just yet.

but whereas Vlad found his longtime coming reconciliation with his sister, Karl had no one to turn to. his call to Vlad was a cry for help. it was heartbreaking to see him like this. Karl had always put up a fake smile against any adversity that had come his way. to him, these were trivial matters that would pass, and they did so — until now. after all he was, as we would later come to know, living a script that had been prewritten before he even came to being. that explains his nonchalant demeanor toward life, the seeming discontent behind those dead eyes, and a repeated hinting that he was always yearning for so much more. at the end of the call, Karl instinctively goes to the closet - and his proverbial closet - and sees the skeletons he had hidden inside, drop in a mess. 

that it was Karl’s brother who was in the photo shook me. that past was so well thought out. things made so much sense in this episode: why Karl tried to fit in, why everything seemed so fake. why he was so discomforting to watch, even! that made sense now.  

and what do you do when everything has become a mess? the once seamless film that had been rolling without any glitches now sprawled on the floor, entangled in a hodgepodge well beyond fixing. when that happens, what do you do? well, you dance.

i have so many things to say about faux masculinity. it is a fact undisputed that in this society, gender roles are still very much pillars that we have yet to dismantle. our genders have been geared toward performativity, and our consolation is the external validation we receive through the acts of fitting in. in the process, we lose sight of what we really want. we blur the lines between what is and what should be, in favor of what society has demanded upon us. Karl took that role and lived by it religiously. yet, those things has gone haywire in this episode. more than his parents, it was to himself that Karl has finally admitted that the act can be dropped now: the fixed posture, those rehearsed lines, that painfully faux masculinity, on guard all the fucking time. all of those things were dropped.

that is not to say that Karl was faking all of it. there is no denying that Karl has been a masculine person most of the time. but the show portrayed before us a discarded femininity that Karl had been trying to bury deep inside him — one that all people who have been and who are still in the closet know by heart. the thing is, all of us have masculine and feminine sides, the expression of which vary at different levels in different situations. sadly, we have been preconditioned to believe that male persons must be masculine, and female persons must be feminine. Gaya sa Pelikula acknowledges this hegemony, and then throws it away all the same. true, Karl may very well be comfortable in his masculine expression, but his femininity must also be allowed to grow. one cannot be complete without embracing the entirety of who they are. many have died — been killed — for simply living who they are. society has long been a vicious environment. but people have also long fought for their fundamental right to perform these things, and through them, we know that things can change. that things are changing.

it is against this context that imprints more meaning, more gravity to when we finally, finally see Karl dance. in every sense, his dance was the show’s climax for me. it is, quite emphatically, freedom incarnate.

when i say i fucking bawled at this scene, you best believe it.

quite important to note: when Karl sees Vlad, he stopped abruptly, only for Vlad to signal to him, in an OK sign, that what he was doing was perfectly fine. that Karl could be effeminate all he wants, and who the hell in this earth should care? this allowance has given Karl all the needed validation he will ever need, at least, for that one night where they could bare it all. it was only the two of them, but the house has never been more crowded, because their feelings have seemingly exploded and have been overflowing in a glorious climax for all of us to witness. in this scene, Karl has unshackled the chains with which he had been bound all that time, and it was Vlad who helped him finally break the last of those chains. in this moment, there was only pure bliss.

(that the song playing here was Ride Home by ben&ben is the perfect giveaway. for non-Filipino readers who have only listened to ben&ben now, check this band out. it’s one of the best bands to have ever come out of the Philippine music industry.)

and, of course, in this waterfall of emotions, it is only perfect to time the moment of their first kiss. they have accepted each other, haven’t they? in a meaningful act (the gravity of which we will only realize in full later when Vlad tells the story of his dad), Karl rumpled Vlad’s hair, but only after Vlad had already consented to it. then, afterward, it was Vlad’s turn to ask, what are you thinking? to which Karl had this—and i know we all expected it, nevertheless—to say: i don’t want to think anymore. then they kissed.

i swear to god. i only watched this for the 92432475781 time.

the denouement was so well put, too: now everything is put back into its own place. Karl’s brother. his death. his parents’ expectations. the substitution. Vlad’s father. his parents’ expectations. the horror of realizing one’s difference. the abandonment. in these stories, it becomes more and more permissible to believe that Karl and Vlad have easily found comfort in each other. to say that they are soulmates (as the creator, juan miguel severo, told on his twitter) is not an exaggeration.

and, make no mistake: Karl and Vlad did not find each other’s embraces out of pity. no. it would be unduly harsh to view them that way. rather, they found solace in each other’s embrace and warmth, but it is still they who will muster the courage to face their own demons. the only difference is, they now have each other to find some sort of release. they are not destructively dependent on each other; instead, they help each other grow into the versions of themselves that they can be proud of.

finally, a couple of small things: look at the way Karl was inviting Vlad to lie in bed with him. that simple gesture harks us back to the early days of their dynamics: Vlad had expressed that it was okay to share a bed, but Karl was adamant that they do not. Karl had once dreamed of Vlad joining him there, and that scared him shitless. in contrast to that, now we have this: Karl himself inviting Vlad, and Vlad accepting for Karl’s wholehearted invitation. the moment this happened, there was a consummation of the expression of their love. if they had their doubts prior to this, those could not have been more obliterated now. 

needless to say, i fucking, fucking loved this. as one who has only ever written three fanfics (2gether and History 2!), all of which seemingly related to sleeping (what the fuck, do i have a sleep fetish or something), this ending to episode 6 is just the cherry on top. 

their lines by the end particularly strike me. here we have Karl who wishes to create his own stories. on the other hand is Vlad who wishes that he be in charge of the endings, too. how do they do that? who knows? but the certainty that defines their pact is that they shall do it together, unbound and free to dance to the song they have chosen of their own accord. and that simple promise, made in each other’s tight embrace under artificially warm lights amid that early january weather, with no certainty at all of what tomorrow has to bring, has made all the difference. 

in 34 minutes, Gaya sa Pelikula has, yet again, done more than we could have ever expected.

i just checked and this reached 2k words. i’m not even gonna attempt to proofread this anymore. anyway, this is all i have to say for now. i just simply cannot let go of the best episode i’ve seen in this show without expressing my own reaction to it. 

(also: i’m thinking of writing a fanfic; that is, the morning after. just a one-shot, hopefully a cute one. as usual, an introspection of these characters, and what lies ahead. hope i actually get to write it!)

thank you so much, Gaya sa Pelikula. you are proof that things do change.

[sinner-as-saint]

Predestined - 2.

Part 2 of the Predestined series.

Run-through: Your wealthy family marries you off to a family friend’s son – famous businessman Sebastian. You two have known each other for a long time, so none of you oppose your families’ decisions. Life as Sebastian’s wife is pure bliss, he’s everything a woman could ever want. Until a certain secret of his resurfaces, and once it does – nothing in your lives is ever the same again.

Themes throughout the series: ceo!seb, fluff, smut, mob!bucky

“You…you guys are twins?”

Your question sounded more like a statement than a query. And the smirk on James’ face wouldn’t go away.

Sebastian took a deep breath and spoke, “Looking back on it now, I should’ve mentioned it last night.” He sounded much more chill than you expected him too. You searched and searched for the slightest amount of discontent or disgust towards you in his ocean eyes but you couldn’t find any of that.

But why?

If the situation was reversed, you were sure you’d be a little upset. Even though it was a mistake. But your husband was beginning to worry you. Was he faking the calm demeanor? Was he hiding something bitter behind this calm façade?

James chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against Sebastian’s desk. “I’m not complaining. At all.” He commented, smirking still.

You shook your head and opened your mouth to say something, but then you couldn’t find the right thing to say so you just looked at your husband apologetically.

 He smiled at you, and took a step forward. “Come on, babe. Let’s go.” Sebastian spoke and took your hand in his, walking out of the room.

James spoke up from behind. “Don’t mind me, I’ll just make myself at home.” He paused and added, rather playfully, “See you around, Y/N.”

 You rushed out of the room. And you didn’t stop until you reached your bedroom. Sebastian followed you and closed the door behind him once he stepped into the room.

You turned to face him, eyes getting glossy real fast. “Seb, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You pleaded, begged for his forgiveness.

He just smiled and came in for a hug, pushing his face into the crook of your neck; where James’ face had been just minutes ago. “Hey baby, you didn’t know. I should’ve told you last night, I should’ve told you he was coming over. Besides, we’re identical and he’s a bit of an idiot, you’re not to be blamed. It’s okay baby. It’s not a big deal, really.” He spoke gently.

You apologized again. And again. Yet, each time Sebastian’s reply was the same as the last. He reassured you that it wasn’t your fault and that he should’ve warned you beforehand. But still, you felt weird each time you thought about how you just made out with your husband’s twin brother who’s back from the dead after so many years.

You were overthinking, you knew. And you hated yourself for how easily the thought of James slipped into your head. His cologne, his taste, his lips – and how you just melted in his arms right away.

 You took a long shower, and spent most of the evening in your room. Turns out, now your mood was off so you simply asked your husband if he could bring you a bowl of cereal – which was dinner for you. Because you knew James was still downstairs, and you didn’t have the guts to face him again. Plus, you thought the two brothers would rather talk among themselves – given they had reunited after a long time.

Sebastian turned in for the night a few hours later and there was no awkwardness between you two but you couldn’t help but feel like you were being weighed down by the guilt. So you asked him again, when he was getting under the covers with you.

“Is he still here?” you asked about James.

Sebastian shook his head. “Nope, he left. But he’ll be back, I know.”

“Are you mad at me?” you asked, kneeling on the bed and facing him. Sebastian chuckled and faced you with that same soft look in his eyes.

“Baby... I told you already, I’m not mad, I…” he paused and sighed, leaning against the headboard and extending his arm towards you. “Come here.”

You took his hand and immediately straddled his thighs, settling on his lap and placing your hands on his shoulders. “I love you, okay?” he spoke again, and leaned in to kiss you finally.

 You kissed him back immediately. And you instantly got flashbacks to when you were kissing James earlier. But you pushed it all away as soon as it came, and focused on Sebastian in the moment.

His hands slipped under your thin PJ shirt and he tickled your sides, making you pull away and giggle.

“There it is, that’s what I like to hear. I hate it when you’re upset, baby.” He kissed you immediately after and slipped a hand in between your legs, teasing your wet folds with his fingers, making you arch your back and moan.

Sebastian knew just what you wanted, and he had missed you all day as well. So he laid you down and kissed you senselessly; undressing you rapidly in the process. He kissed every inch of your skin on his way down your body. He pushed his face in between your legs in no time; his tongue teasing your entrance softly while you tugged in his hair.

He made you come undone all over his tongue rather quickly, and his hunger only grew more and more from there. He kissed his way up your body and pinned your hands down above your head while he pushed inside you, slowly.

“You’re mine.” he whispered in your ear in between grunts and moans as he sped up into you, making you feel all of him while he stroked your walls perfectly.

You knew Sebastian, and you could point even the smallest little changes in his behavior or tone. And tonight, when he made love to you; something was different. Not unpleasant in any way, just different. He was meaner and a little more rough than usual.

He tugged on your hair harder when he flipped you around, lifted your hips up and pounded into you from behind. His grip on your waist was tighter each time he pulled you closer. His kiss was a little more passionate. He was more loving and needy, if anything. He made love to you as though he was measuring himself against someone else. And although you loved it more than anything, you couldn’t quite figure out why he acted so.

Sebastian bit down on your shoulder as he pounded into you mercilessly, making you scream loudly and beg him for more. He placed one of his hand gently around your neck while he sped up even more into you; he leaned in to whisper in your ear again. “I love you.” he simply said, feeling your walls beginning to clench around him.

You mumbled you loved him too, and whined and moaned as he made you come undone violently around him. Sebastian pushed his face into your neck as he growled and grunted, coming right after you.

You panted, basking in his body heat as you held him close to you; sliding your hands into his hair and kissing his shoulder. “I love you, Seb. More than anything.” You spoke into his hair and he chuckled and pulled the two of you under the covers again.

“Go to sleep, baby. I’m right here.” He pulled your worn out body into his and cuddled you to sleep.

You drifted off to sleep soon after, but he couldn’t.

Sebastian knew why James was here. And he saw the look in his brother’s eyes every time he looked at you. He saw the harmless envy and the inevitable adoration in James’ eyes each time he looked at you and he knew his brother wasn’t going away anytime soon.

Sebastian smiled, sighing and pulling you closer and kissing the top of your head. “Things might change a little, baby. But it’ll be okay, I’ll be here with you. I love you. More than anything.”

 ---

The next morning you woke up, a little sore from last night, in an empty bed. It was Saturday, and Sebastian usually made breakfast on weekends so you figured he might be in the kitchen.

You went about your morning routine and got ready for the day, and then walked into the kitchen to find Sebastian cooking – shirtless – with his back to you. You wanted to run and wrap your arms around your husband and give him a big morning hug, but then you hesitate when you thought about the events of yesterday evening.

So you lingered around the kitchen entrance until he spoke up. “It’s me, baby. Come here.” He spoke in his playful voice, turning around for a brief second to look at you before focusing back on the pan. You smiled and walked over to him and wrapped your arms around him, kissing his neck and making him chuckled.

“Good morning.” You said and he turned around to give you a deep kiss. And you deepened the kiss, making him smile as always.

Midway through, you heard a very cheery voice speak up, “Can I get me a good morning greeting like that as well?” James teased, walking into the kitchen and making himself comfortable on the kitchen island like he owned it.

 “Stop, before she kicks you out.” Sebastian gave you one last kiss and gave his brother a warning. But that didn’t stop him.

James chuckled. “Okay, okay I’m kidding, alright? Unless…” he trailed off, winking at you. And Sebastian threw him a death glare, and he finally stopped.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized and walked over to you, surprisingly his smirk wasn’t on his pretty face this time. “I understand due to some misunderstanding that, you and I haven’t met properly, Y/N.” He extended his hand towards you as a friendly gesture, “Hi, I’m your husband’s secret twin brother.” He smiled at you.

And he looked so much like Sebastian it was downright insane. You took his hand and shook it gently. “Hi James.” You spoke, scanning his face to at least look for one feature which would differentiate them.

James smiled, letting go of your hand. “Call me Bucky. Oh and give up, there isn’t any.” He spoke, confusing you.

“I don’t understand.” You spoke, surprised at how much alike they actually were. He chuckled.

“You’re doing that thing that everyone does, where they stare at us and try to find a way to tell us apart. You won’t find it, doll. Unfortunately, I’m stuck with his face and he with mine.” Bucky joked and you laughed a little, and something told you that you’d be thinking a lot about how he called you ‘doll’ so effortless, like it was second nature.

Watching this whole exchange, was Sebastian, with a little smile on his face. Oh how you three would look back on this and laugh one day, he thought, hopefully.

“Come on, breakfast is ready.” He spoke, breaking the staring contest between you and Bucky.

 It was freaky at first, seeing two identical people at the same time. Same face, same hair, same voice, same body language – it took you some time to get used to it and actually stop staring at both of them the whole time.

You found yourself quite liking Bucky’s company. He wasn’t sassy all the time, he could actually keep a conversation going, and he always had funny anecdotes.

You couldn’t believe how well you all were getting along at breakfast. Initially you thought there would be this weird tension between Sebastian and Bucky given last night’s misunderstanding, and also the fact that Bucky hadn’t met his brother for years. But that wasn’t the case. Him and Sebastian got along really well, like old friends reuniting and feeling as though time hasn’t passed at all.

The two joked and laughed, and you joined them. Everything was so smooth and there was no need to always try and make things flow in between you three at that breakfast table that morning; it just happened naturally. It felt like Bucky had always been a part of you and Sebastian. And you knew Sebastian felt the same way. For some reasons, it felt like – even without verbally ever saying it – you all understood that for you, Bucky would never be your ‘brother-in-law’, instead, he was just an extension of Sebastian you felt like.

 After breakfast, Bucky asked if he could spend a few days over at yours because he was still trying to find a place of his own. You and Sebastian shared a soft look and a faint smile and agreed on the spot.  

Things weren’t awkward at all, which you thanked God for.

You were able to tell them apart, since they wore different clothes. But around the evening, when Bucky had settled into the guest room and borrowed Sebastian’s clothes; that’s when the confusion started.

You walked downstairs, and found Sebastian standing in front of the fridge, looking for something and given how irresistible he looked in his burgundy, long sleeved sweater – which you bought him a while ago; you couldn’t help but walk over and hug him from behind, nuzzling his neck and kissing his skin gently.

But then you heard someone chuckling not too far away. “Wrong twin, babe.” You heard your husband’s voice coming from the other side of the room. And then you realized that you had been hugging Bucky this whole time. The latter laughed, they both did as you walked out of the kitchen; blushing and groaning.

And that happened again and again. By Sunday morning, you’d even ask Sebastian if he had seen where your husband is. He just laughed and pushed you against the wall and kissed you deeply, chuckling as he pulled away. “I am your husband, baby.” He whispered softly, making you hide your face into his chest and groan again.

But then, sometime they would purposely mess with you.

You would be talking and holding Sebastian’s hand on the couch or even kissing him. And Bucky would just show up with a shocked expression on his face, pretending to be Seb and he’d look at you as though heartbroken. “Wrong twin, baby.” He repeated Sebastian’s voice and watched your face morph into pure terror momentarily as you pulled away to check again.

Then they’d both laugh and Sebastian would make Bucky apologize.

And so, a week passed.

You noticed that your house was a little more cheery with Bucky in it. It was definitely louder, like right now as the two were having a drink downstairs and you were replying to some email for work upstairs. Bucky and his antics and pranks definitely brought out a side of Sebastian which you had never seen before – his mischief. And you liked it.

Sebastian noticed it too, how he didn’t mind Bucky being close to you. And how the three of you laughed a lot more when you were together in the same room. Or how amusing the whole ‘wrong twin’ thing was. He had missed his brother immensely, and he loved him. He just wished life would take such a turn where everything will fall into place perfectly. Not that it wasn’t already perfect, but just a little better.

 “…you’re a lucky man. She’s incredible.” Sebastian saw that look in Bucky’s eyes again while he spoke about you. He smiled, sipping on his brandy.

“She is. There’s never a dull moment with her around. She’s amazing.” Sebastian added, agreeing with his brother and looking over at him.

Bucky stared out of the floor-to-ceiling windows, an unfamiliar emotion on his face. One which his brother noticed.

Bucky might have tried to hide it, how he always immediately smiled whenever you walked into the room. Or how he blushed for a brief second each time you randomly walked up to him and gave him a hug, thinking he was Sebastian. Or how he’d purposely borrow more and more clothes from Sebastian, despite having his own luggage, just so you would make mistakes and hug him more often. Or how each time Sebastian complimented you, Bucky would always one up him. Or how he’d feel real proud and good about himself each time you laughed at one of his jokes. Or how he tried to impress you with his cooking and his bad boy charm.

Bucky might have tried to hide it all, but Sebastian knew him all too well. “You like her, don’t you?” Sebastian finally asked, carefully watching Bucky.

Sebastian caught the look of surprise, and how quickly it was replaced by guilt. “I shouldn’t.” Bucky replied, finishing his drink at one go.

“But you do, correct?” Sebastian wasn’t mad, he just needed to get confirmation from both sides. So none of you would feel guilty over your feelings.

“I do.”

 a/n: *gasp*

---

Tag List for this series (OPEN):

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[snowspryte15]

Thoughts on Cruella

Let me ask you a question:Have you noticed the increase in stories about making villains more relatable to us, and even giving them something that seemed to be lacking in all the fairytales we all know so well?

Something like humanity?

Here’s the thing: no one is truly born evil, and to quote a line from Once Upon A Time, “Evil isn’t born; it’s made.” Perhaps the baddies were actually good people who were capable of being happy, finding love, and living their best lives. But unfortunately, a chain of events or even people who wronged them would lead them down a dark path that is often very hard to come back from.  In other words, the stories and characters we know isn’t always black and white. (See what I did there?) You can say whatever you want about making villains relatable or even showing sympathy to them, but I stand by my humble opinion that the updated version of the fairytales and stories we grew up not only gives us a glimpse into the heroes and making them more like us, but also the villains because their more than just the 2D stock characters we grew up with over the years. In other words, it gives everyone more DEPTH.  The same is true for Cruella. I realize many of you are starting to (if you aren’t already) get tired of films making the villains more relatable or even giving us a villain to show sympathy for. And I get that. But let me ask you this: is the world we see today always black and white to you? Should it always has to be good vs. evil when there are layers underneath the goodness and the evil that’s in this world? Should we automatically assume that all of the bad things that happen on the news are caused by bad people? I think you know the answer to this: no. We’re all capable of being good people, no matter what society tells us.  But the fact that we’re all born to be originals and not copies of another individual but being told that we have to be “perfect” or “thin” or “beautiful” or “handsome” or any of those labels is what draws people to the dark side, and that includes giving into power, greed, malice, and hatred. And here’s something else to think about - we’re always told by those around us, whether that’s our loved ones or complete strangers, to hide what makes us unique or even brilliant because it may not sit well with everyone. That’s another reason why some people go towards the dark side. And on another level, they use what makes them unique to stand out in not-so pleasant ways, instilling fear into others by what they say and do.  Both cases aren’t right, not by a long shot. Now do you see why not everything is black and white? It’s hard to take the animated films we grew up and breathe new life into them while keeping these thoughts in mind. Especially if we were taught at an early age who’s good and who’s evil, and that the baddies aren’t deserving of our sympathy or even redemption. I don’t know who exactly started this tradition of taking the fairytales, animated classics, and other stories we all grew up with and add more dimension and humanity to each of the characters, including the villains. But I’m glad they did. It gives us something to think about and makes us see that we have a little bit of evil inside of us. I may be in the minority when I say this, but movies and shows like Once Upon A Time, Maleficent, Ever After High, Descendants, and Cruella fascinate me because it allows me the chance to see how capable the villains are to being good people and their external and internal struggles to keep the goodness in their lives while navigating through all of the bad things and people that come into their lives which sets a course towards their villainous nature.

At least take into consideration the hard work the authors, screenwriters, and creators put into formulating the question “what if...” and how much fun they have breathing new life into these characters we grew up with and how much of ourselves we can see in the villains, no matter how much we try to deny it. There, I said it. I may once again be in the minority when I say this (it seems to be a theme lately on Tumbr, which is quite sad), but I enjoyed Cruella immensely. The acting, the costume designs, the hair and makeup, the songs... It was just bloody brilliant. Both Emmas - Emma Stone and Emma Thompson - played their parts extremely well. Ms. Stone navigating through her internal battle to be a good person while facing a conflict with the bad side was a wonderful site to see. And Ms. Thompson, I mean, come on. She’s just fantastic all the way around. To play a narcissist isn’t easy, but she makes it look so simple and enjoyable. I commend both of their performances in this film. And let’s not forget the rest of the cast - Joel Fry, Paul Walter Hauser, Emily Beechan, Kirby Howell-Baptiste, Mark Strong, Kayvan Novak, Jamie Demetriou, Andrew Leung, and John McCrea - such an outstanding ensemble! In the theatre, you know a show is fantastic because of its ensemble. The same applies in the movies as well. They may not get recognized as much as Emma Stone or Emma Thompson, but it was such a joy seeing these talented performers play their parts well, and the depth they played at was a joy to watch. Let’s talk about the costumes, hair, and makeup. This film better get awards for all of those areas (or at least nominations) because the designs and styles were truly epic. It’s hard to get the fashion of the times right without extensive research and a little bit of creativity and imagination thrown in for good measure. But Jenny Beavan and Nadia Stacey deserve all of the praise and accolades for rocking out the 1970s with boldness and some pretty wicked designs. I’ve noticed skimming on here the discontent many of you have for portraying Cruella as being a villain we should have sympathy for, especially since she wanted to skin Dalmatians for a coat. That alone should be cause for her to not be worth an ounce of sympathy, and I understand that. As an animal lover myself, I’m inclined to agree with you. But I’m going to let you in on one spoiler that I ask you take into consideration: no Dalmatian dogs were killed or skinned in this movie. I repeat: no Dalmatian dogs were killed or skinned in this movie. And here’s something else I want you to be on the lookout for should you decide to watch this film. During the end credits, there is a special message out there for those of you who are thinking about owning a dog: “Every dog deserves a loving home. If you’re ready for the commitment of pet ownership, please consider visiting your local animal rescue to find the right pet for you.” That message alone speaks as to how far we’ve come in society, and here’s why. Whenever we see movies or TV shows that feature dogs and cats, particularly puppies and kittens, we tend to rush out right away and getting them because they’re so adorable. But when they grow up, we tend to let them go and leave them in some unpleasant places. And organizations like PETA beseeched the film and the company to take a stand and use their voice to encourage adoption of pets in shelters and rescue centers and not pet stores. Apparently, the film and the company listened because they put this message during the end credits. Well done. I may not be able to convince you to go see this movie or give it another chance if you already saw it, nor should I try. But I do want you to take into consideration the amount of updated versions of the stories we all know and love, and how much the authors, screenwriters, and other creative types are bringing in humanity and depth to these characters. We’re not 2D characters like the heroes, heroines, and villains are often seen as in the original stories, so why should they be treated and seen as such for generations to come? We’re more complex and layered than seen in fairytales and animated movies. Also, I don’t think these stories where the authors give villains a chance to experience goodness before they became bad or even blurring the lines between good and evil are going away. It allows us as human beings to see and try understand that we’re all capable of being good, but it’s the events and people who come into our lives that shake things up and even brings questions of whether we’re truly good or evil that sets us down a path we alone can walk. And more importantly, it gives us as the audience a chance to see a little bit of ourselves in these characters, even if you don’t relate to the villains at all.  I suggest you stop griping about the rise in updated versions of the films, TV series, and book series of the original classics and accept that they are here to stay. I’m not saying you should read or watch them if they’re not your cup of tea, but at least try to understand that things were NEVER always black and white, especially where fairytales, animated films, and even more stories are concerned. At least try to understand that part, okay? Is that too much to ask? I’m not here to change your mind. I realize I can’t do that. So many of you are so set in your ways and opinions, and all I can do is pray for you. But I am here to share with you my thoughts on Cruella and how the updated versions of these stories are here to stay, whether you like it or not. And I’m also here to try to help you see that these stories allow us to see a little bit of ourselves in these characters we grew up with, even if it’s through a new set of eyes. You are welcome to disagree with me, or even not say anything at all. But all I ask is that you be respectful of my opinions and what I have to say. I will not tolerate any hate speech or disrespectful language. You do that, and I will block you. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything. It’s that simple, and yet it’s so hard, especially on Tumblr. I hope I didn’t take up too much of your time.

[fursasaida]

Would love to hear about all of the ways ppl misunderstand HG (if you feel like it)

i’m doing this as bullets bc i don’t have the oomph to like write it out properly

they think the socioeconomic specialization of the 12(+1) districts is the typical thing of like, “i will construct a wholly implausible society that’s about putting people in totalitarian versions of thinly disguised hogwarts houses so i can show how my heroine is Special and Unique” instead of like, a specifically elaborated form of oppression by the capitol that shows how aestheticized the political economy is. it’s not that most people in panem really believe everyone from District 4 (? IIRC) is suited as a person to fishing, or whatever. it’s that the capitol said “you produce this and only this for us, how much we value that commodity category determines your value, and that is all you are” and this is completely interwoven with the spectacle of control that is the Games. (the Games are basically a dramatization of territorial control but wah wah wah “battle royale ripoff” wah wah shut up.) it’s actually a very interesting political economy concept which i could go on about at length but i value my life

due to the above they think Katniss is supposed to go on the usual character arc of Doesn’t Fit In --> Discontent --> Dismantle the System and Be Happy

this causes them to complain both that she doesn’t change enough (first of all, she does change, just not in the way they expect; and second, the ways she doesn’t change are part of the POINT! this isn’t a story of personal transformation! it’s about political change!) and that she’s too like sad or limp or whatever later on. IT’S A VERY GOOD DEPICTION OF TRAUMA, SHUT UP.

they complain that the ending is “unsatisfying.”

of course the ending is “unsatisfying,” because the political change that occurred is incomplete and nuanced, and also, she still has all that trauma, there is a cost, the whole thematic backbone of the series is “internalize the externalities/make the invisible costs visible.” it’s the interplay between the hypervisibility of spectacle and the extraction of people’s time, bodies, wealth, relationships--their lives--that it both relies on and hides.

relatedly, people think katniss shooting whatsername at the end is some kind of unjustified twist. i don’t know what to say about this. i throw up my hands. WERE YOU PAYING ATTENTION AT ALL.

does anyone think about what the story is actually about? they do not. ("no one” is an exaggeration, i just mean the people i’m mad at)

the love triangle. oh my god. again people just take this as a “typical YA” thing of like, let me show how desirable and special my heroine is by having both the boys want her!! it is not that at all. Gale and Peeta stand in for different sides of her personality and respectively bring those sides out in her. her being torn between them is in fact where the “personal change” aspect of the story happens.

both of them are very strategic thinkers but in entirely different registers, and they value different things. she has much more in common with Gale at the beginning (on the surface), and her choice to see the value in Peeta’s way of thinking and do the very hard work of developing those capacities and responses in herself is her choice about who she wants to be and whether she values a reversal of power (Gale) or actually improving society (Peeta). whether being a ~rebellious hunter~ or being a caretaker (the reason, remember, she did the illegal hunting in the first place!) is more important to her.

they are both from her home district and people she’d known before the games because, again, these are qualities/tendencies she already possessed; choosing which to turn toward and develop in herself is the personal aspect of the political story.

and it is not a coincidence that it’s after the total dissociation and alienation she experiences in being made an aesthetic spectacle qua ~rebel by District 13 that she does the incredibly difficult, steadfast, further-traumatizing work of helping bring Peeta back to himself and so to her. the ending doesn’t happen without her whole process of negotiating her relationships with those two characters.

but these people don’t understand the ending anyway so i don’t know what i was expecting

this is called good writing and it’s an extremely valid way to develop and use supporting characters

god i could scream

Suzanne Collins’ origin story for this series, about channel-flipping between reality TV and coverage of the Iraq War, really just puts it all out there for you and these people ignore this! if they even know about it they just take it as like, “what if i put this thing on this other thing.” but she is getting at something very real with that! she is saying that both war and entertainment are spectacle-generating machines, fueled by inequality and the bodies of young people, that maintain power structures. (the big thing THG is really missing here is how this works internationally because there just aren’t any other countries in its world.)

[redacted: extremely over the top musing about race and class intersections in re: the unequal distribution of exposure to premature death and how intentional Collins was or wasn’t in getting what she got right right and what she got wrong wrong]

a few years back i was watching The Voice (leave me alone) and they had this whole ~storyline about a girl (i think 19 tops?) from a tiny, tiny rural Southern town, who was too stage-fright-y to perform to her potential. every week the judges would tell her she disappointed and every week her coach would save her because, he kept saying, he still had faith she could deliver. (she was fine but they had a Narrative to construct.) and then one week magically they changed up her makeup and clothes to make her much more overtly sexy, but in this like fucked-up babydoll innocent way, and lo and behold she discovered her confidence and wowed everyone. who could have predicted!!

I remember another contestant on The Voice who was literally there to try to get to a point where he would be able to get his family back into housing after flooding destroyed their home in i can’t even remember which (socio)natural disaster.

like that is just literally how the hunger games work. the promise is that this is a rare route to economic mobility. it requires a dramatic makeover, patronage, all of it. the makeover involves being essentialized as a citizen-type, a national subject that fits into a particular box (rural/urban, gendered, raced, etc--all of them are just entertaining backstories and narrative handles for the audience). this is a violent process, however visual and symbolic it may be via reality TV. it remains a process on which your odds as a contestant depend completely. and of course no one has heard from either of these people i mentioned since, because there can only be one winner; and even if you win, you can still lose the game of being a winner. no one asks what happens to them when it’s over, much like many people don’t really think about military veterans. if you think about the post-games life of the winners in THG, they are literally what you get if you imagine a military veteran and a D-list celebrity being the same person. reality TV already IS a gladiators’ arena where people ARE fighting for their lives. the violence is just sublimated. like i said. internalize and visibilize the costs.

(there is something here too, in the overlap of spectacle, about how the contemporary US treats its soldiers more as signifiers, high priests of civic nationalism, and/or sin-eaters than as people. similarly reality TV contestants come to stand for certain archetypes of the nation.)  

[underworldobsessed]

Tired of Being Treated Like a Pawn ll Bo-Katan Week Day 3 Force Sensitive Bo-Katan

Title: Tired of Being Treated Like a Pawn Rating: T Ship: None Characters: Bo-Katan Kryze, Satine Kryze, Obi-Wan Kenobi (mentioned) Series: This Life is Mine (Bo-Katan Week 2021), Who I Used to Be (Force Sensitive Bo) Summary: Bo is the rightful ruler of Mandalore, and she is preparing to give her first speech to her people as their Mand’alor (or sort of). Yet, she can sense the discontent from her people, and needs a little bit of a boost to remind her that she is ready to take up the mantle. ll Bo-Katan Week Day 3: Force Sensitive Bo Author’s note: So I wasn’t initially intending to continue my Force Sensitive Bo universe, but seeing the alternative prompt as an option and me not feeling ready to write Ursa motivated me to continue this series. Who knows, I may continue to write in this series in the future. Force Sensitive Bo is such a cool concept that I love expanding on.

Tagging: @bokatanweek​

Read here or under the cut.

Bo took a deep breath as she looked out towards the crowds of Mandalorians, her people. She was preparing to make a speech for the first time as the leader of Mandalore, and she could only feel the anxiety swirling inside her. She was never one for public speaking, giving addresses to people… That was always Satine’s specialty. She had been the one trained in politics and trained to do things like this. Bo usually did her talking with violence. 

She sensed her sister’s approach before she felt the hand on her shoulder. With the help of Kenobi, Bo spent a lot of her time sharpening her abilities with the Force. She had learned exactly how to pick out individual force signatures to know who was around her and if someone was a friend or a foe. It wasn’t easy for her, beginning some form of training as she was older, but at least when it came to her sister, she could recognize her anywhere. 

“Are you ready, Bo?” Satine stood at Bo’s side, resting a hand on her shoulder. She tried to shut herself off, create a shield so she wasn’t feeling other people’s presence in the force besides her sister, but she could feel her people’s anger and anxiety about her taking over. Most of her life she had been doing that without knowing, but now that she was conscious of it and now that she herself was nervous, she couldn’t manage making a shield to others around her. She didn’t say anything, staring out to where she knew everyone was waiting.

“Bo,” Her sister moved around so she was blocking Bo’s view outside. It didn’t block out the feelings of everyone else but it did prevent her from seeing the crowd she would be speaking to. “What’s going on, you seemed ready to speak to them this morning? What changed?” 

“I was alerted by your jedi that the rumor has spread through Mandalore that I am force sensitive. A former Death Watch member or Almec might have spread it around, and now I can feel their anger towards me. I feel how much the people don’t trust me. They remember the war between the Jedi and the Mandalorians, or at least the stories shared of the war. They think between my abilities and your ties to the jedi that I am not fit to rule Mandalore.” She rested her hand on the Dark saber at her side, starting to wonder herself if she was actually a fitting ruler for Mandalore. The people’s perception of her was definitely getting to her, at least because she felt their distrust. 

“Bo, you rebuilt Mandalore after Maul destroyed it,” Satine gripped her sister’s shoulder, imploring her to focus solely on her. “You’ve fought for our people since the beginning, you focused the rebuilding efforts on what mattered, And most of all, you kept our neutrality in the war by doing it all on your own. You didn’t ask for the republic’s help. You utilized what you had and the neutral connections of Mandalore to rebuild. You didn’t need help to come up with any of that. You are a born leader. You are no longer subject to how Death Watch treats you. You are a leader.” 

Bo didn’t know what to say, looking around briefly but she could feel her sister’s confidence in her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, remembering what Obi-Wan had said about finding peace when it was hard, shutting emotions out and focusing on the flow of the force. It wasn’t easy. She spent her whole life allowing anger to rule her, having her toe the line between the light and the dark, but after seeing fully what the dark side could do to someone… seeing Maul almost kill her sister, she was working on eliminating that part of her. Or at least doing her best to control it. She wouldn’t become like that. 

When she opened her eyes, she saw Satine smiling warmly at her, felt her pride and she stepped away, resting her hand back on the dark saber. “Okay, I’m ready.” 

She took one final breath before she walked out onto the balcony of the palace, ready for her first speech to her people to be heard. 

“People of Mandalore!” Her voice rang out, technology around her amplifying her so all could hear her. Cameras were around as well to record this moment. “I stand before you after rotations of preparation to rebuild our home. Civil war has left it’s scars once again. We were, and still are, people divided. New and Old Mandalorian ideals, my sister’s beliefs and Death Watch… all these titles divide us, when we are all one group of people, we are Mandalorians!” For a moment, she glanced back to Satine, who nodded at her with encouragement, knowing what Bo was going to do. 

“I know what you have heard, although I do not know who spread it around our planet but I stand before you to tell you that it’s true.” She took another centering breath. “I am force sensitive.” Nervous chatter rang out through her people, and she knew she had to quell it now before she lost control or lost her nerve. “However, just because I have these abilities does not mean I am a traitor or that I believe in the Jedi. First and foremost, I am a Mandalorian. I have fought besides many of you as our world was torn, first by ourselves and then again by outsiders. Just because I have these abilities does not make me any less of a Mandalorian than the rest of you, just like my sister’s ideals of nonviolence did not make her less of a Mandalorian. While many of our battles were waged in blood, hers were waged in politics, in words. She never stopped fighting for our people, and many of us seemed to forget that, myself included. I say this because we must not forget that just because I have certain abilities, does not make me any less of a Mandalorian. I stand before you, in my full beskar’gam, to prove that to you. I will not allow outsiders to control our home any longer, but in the same breath, I will not allow our own people to tear apart our world either. I am not my sister, I do not believe that being without violence is the answer, but we must not spark another civil war as our planet will not survive. We are a warrior people, and I know that we must keep our traditions alive, but we also have to be realistic.” 

Without a second thought, she unclipped the darksaber and lifted it into the air, igniting it’s blade. Cheers erupted from the crowd at the sight of their leader wielding the weapon that marked the Mand’alor for so long. She waited a moment as the crowd quieted before continuing.

“This weapon marked someone as the Mand’alor, as a warrior strong enough to lead our people. And while it is true, this weapon has been in the wrong hands for far too long. Too many people who held this weapon and paraded around like they were the true Mand’alor without thinking about what our world needed. Our world needs more than one ruler, someone who fights battles on the battlefield and someone who fights battles behind the scenes, in the political world to ensure that we do not fall to Republic or Seperatist rule. So I will not be the Mand’alor, because I will not be ruling alone.” She gestured towards her sister, and Satine came out, looking every inch the duchess that she was. “My sister, Satine Kryze, will be ruling by my side, but I warn you. We will not be the pacifist government that she had, nor will we be the blood soaked government we were that burned our world and left our people scarred. We will be our own people. We will be the rulers that Mandalore needs, that you, our people need.” She put her helmet on, and for the first time since she held the darksaber in her hands after killing Maul, she felt like she earned this role. She earned herself the right to stand here and rule over her people. 

She allowed her walls to fall, allowing herself to feel what the crowd did, and all she felt was their support, their belief in her. Beneath her helmet, she smiled. From her sister, she felt pride and love, pride in all Bo had accomplished and love for her despite all she had done in the past. This was where she belonged, and she could be true to herself.

[suchalonelysunflower]

“A Great Place to Start a New Story” (m.c)

Pairing: Michael Clifford X Reader 

Summary: Michael is at his best friend wedding feeling lonely when a stranger comes up to him and gives him one of the best advices he’s ever heard. 

Warnings: None other than mentions of Alcohol, a few bad words and mentios of death. Also, some grammar mistakes (Not as many as before but still, English is not my first language, I’m sorry) 

Word Count: 2.5 K 

Author’s Note: Hello! Here you have another soft Michael fic with a neutral reader, I’ve been trying to incorporate that more into my writing lately so if you have any suggestions please don’t doubt in contacting me 😊 If you want to read more of 5SOS you can visit my recent Ashton fic, Luke fic and the second part of the Entangled Series ft. Calum and Harry S ✨ You can find the rest of my work HERE. Thank you so much, remember that reblogs, comments and feedback are always welcome! I love to hear from you guys 💕 Hope you like it and Happy reading 🦋💕

Michael swore that if he sees one more happy couple coming his way he was going to break something, a thing that was easier said than done, considering that he was at the wedding reception of his best friend and he would probably have to pay for it afterwards.

He watched bitterly as the couples slowly danced a few feet in front of him, swaying along to some love song he’s never heard of. In the middle of the crowd he could easily spot Luke and his partner, holding each other tightly as they dance like there’s nobody else in the room, this was their moment, the beginning of a new chapter in their lives and Michael was happy for them. But he couldn’t deny that hint of jealousy that tugged on his heart.

Falling in love was not a top priority for him. Yes, it is nice to have someone to care about and for them to care about you, but with his busy life he always felt like he didn’t have the time to actually care about that part of his life, ignoring it most of the time. Only when the RSVP to Luke’s wedding came in the mail did he realize how lonely he actually felt. A sense of longing came over him, He thought that by now he would’ve met the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. His better half, soulmate or whatever, but it seems that is just not meant to be for him. And it’s not like he hasn’t fallen in love at some point, he had a few relationships over the years, but they always ended the same way: Either a heartbreak or a song written about him.

Michael sighed deeply, bringing his glass to his lips only to find in discontent that it was already empty. He cursed through gritted teeth and slammed the glass on the table with more force than he intended to. 

“Tough night?” Asked a voice next to him. 

Michael turned his head to the side and found an old lady sitting next to him. He didn’t notice her at first, or at all to be honest. He knew, however, that she was not at the table when they first sat down, so he assumed she just made herself a place when her friends were out dancing with their partners not too far away. 

The lady seemed nice enough, very elegant for an evening wedding. She had some pearl earrings that matched her necklace, and for the looks of it, they were completely real. Her hair was pinned up with too much hairspray and her eyeshadow was very bright. She wore a nice navy dress embroidered with patches of lace that seemed out of date but she wore it in such a fashionable way that you wouldn’t even question it. 

She smiled at Michael and looked at him up and down “You are not in love with one pair of the couple, now are you blondie?” 

Michael’s mouth dropped with the lady’s remark. Part of him offended at such an assumption and the other just very impressed by the boldness of the mysterious old woman. 

“Oh, close your mouth, dear. Flies will go in there” Michael obeyed “So, are you?” 

“No!” Michael scoffed, rolling his eyes. Who was this lady? “I’m the best man, Luke’s bandmate” 

The woman hummed “Then why are you sitting here like it’s the great depression? Believe I know what that’s like, I lived through it” She said, even though she didn’t look a day over 70.

Michael sighed “Not a big fan of weddings, I guess” He stated, looking at his empty glass. 

“Is it that or you’re just not a fan of love in general?” She inquired. Michael averted his gaze on purpose, wondering why the hell was he still talking to this person?

“You know,” Said the lady after a few moments of silence “Weddings are a great place to start a story” 

“Huh?” Michael mumbled. 

“A lot of great stories came from weddings” She smiled “Plus, it is a great place to meet new single people” She said, raising her eyebrows suggestively. Michael cocked an eyebrow to her in response “Anyone caught your eye?” 

He shook his head “Wasn’t really looking” 

“Ah, but that’s how you find them” She placed her hand over MIchael’s. The wrinkled, yet soft hand patted his in a kind way, and for him it was an act of comfort he didn’t know he needed “But, what could I know? I’m just an old lady in the middle of a party” Michael opened his mouth to say something but she interrupted him again “Don’t you think it’s time to fill up that bad boy again?” She said, pointing to his empty glass and then the open bar. 

Michael sighed again, looked at the old lady and nodded, already getting up and making his way to the bar. 

He leaned his elbows into the bar, thoughts running through his head trying to understand what the woman just said. Was it so obvious how unhappy he was with his loneliness? or is it just a custom for old ladies to get all up in your business when you are a complete stranger to them? 

He placed his thumb and index fingers between his eyes, trying to let the frustrations go and actually enjoy the party and celebrate his best friends’ love. But, then again, it was easier said than done. 

“A whisky on the rocks, please” A voice said next to him, making him snap his head to his side. 

You were standing there, looking absolutely done with life as you ordered your drink. You had one arm resting on the bad while the other went to the back of your head, rubbing your neck as you stretched it from side to side. Tilting your head to the side you catch Michael’s stare, you glared.

“What?” You asked in a sarcastic chuckle “Think is too early for a heavy drink?” 

Michael blinked a few times, surprised by the sound of your voice directed at him “Uh, no, actually. I was just about to get the same thing” 

Michael signaled the bartender and they nodded. You sighed, relaxing a little bit more around him. 

“Fun party, isn’t it?” You asked. 

Michael scoffed “Depends on who you’re asking” He said, pointing to the couples dancing in the middle of the room. 

You laughed “Oh, seems like someone here shares my kind of humor” You turned to him, extending your hand to greet him properly “I’m Y/N.”

He shook your hand and smiled “Michael” 

“You’re Luke’s bandmate, are you?” 

“I am, and you are..?” He inquired. 

“Oh, I’m here for the other side of the wedding party. Didn’t really know Luke very well until he put a ring on my cousin’s finger” Michael chuckled and you did too “They are truly in love, aren’t they?” You said, looking at the happy couple.

The bartender placed your drinks on the bar and walked away. Michael nodded as he grabbed his glass and took a sip of the burning beverage “Only a fool would think otherwise. You should’ve seen Luke when he first got the ring. I’ve never seen him so happy before” 

You hummed “Yeah,” You took a sip of your drink and looked at Michael “What about you, rockstar?” Michael smiled into his drink at the sound of the nickname “Is there a special someone in your life?” 

Michael shook his head “Not really the best at finding love, apparently. Given that I’m the only single person in the room” He said, bitterly. 

“Well, not the only one” You said, lifting your drink so you could clinked your glass with his. You both laughed. 

The conversation between you two went smoothly as you get to know each other better. Michael was actually surprised that you indeed shared a lot of things in common besides your sense of humor and relationship status. You talked about music, video games you played, the annoyance you both shared towards certain people and even finding out that you were both the class clown that was a little too shy to become the main troublemaker in school.

You talked all night. You mentioned things about your passions and your career and Michael listened with actual interest to the whole thing, even asking some questions about it, making you smile and ramble on and on about them, and he really seemed to like the way your eyes shined whenever they met his. Michael shared with you details about what is really like living as a musician, touring and the interactions they had with fans, stating how it was amazing but at the same time very draining and consuming. 

“Guess that’s why I don’t find myself in situations where I can actually meet people and go out on dates or whatever” 

“Well, that didn’t seem like a problem to your friends over there” You said, pointing out at his bandmates “What’s holding you back?” 

Michael looked at you, suddenly aware of your close proximity. He didn’t know when it happened that your arm was so close to his that they were almost touching, but he didn’t mind one bit. 

“Maybe love is just not a fan of me, contrary at what that lady said” You looked at him quizzically and he just chuckled at your confused expression “There was this old lady who came up to me and asked me if I was afraid of love and then started to tell me about how ‘weddings are the best place to meet people and start new stories” He said, trying to imitate the lady’s voice.  

You laughed “Ah, it seems to me that you met Aunt Lydia” 

“You know her?” 

“Yes! She’s actually our great aunt, and don’t worry, she does that every time we are at a wedding.” You chuckled “She thinks that because she met her husband at a wedding that everyone would do the same” 

You laughed again and, seemingly in that instant, Michael decided he wanted to hear more of that laugh “Well, maybe she’s not wrong” He said, making you blush. He decided he liked that.

“Hey, Y/N?” He asked, suddenly very shy.

“Yes, rockstar?” 

“Wanna dance?” 

Michael extended his hand as an invitation, a dashing smile crossing his face with ease as you took it and let him guide you to the dance floor. 

The rest of the group was surprised to see Michael dancing, given that he was never one of the ‘life of the party’ kinda guy. But when they saw him smiling at you while attempting to slow dance, they just knew. 

You danced together until your feet practically begged you for some kind of break, making your way outside of the venue so you could sit on one of the few benches they had in the patio. You rested your head on Michael’s shoulder, not really saying much as you both looked at the sky. 

This was not the outcome Michael would have expected from tonight, however he didn’t find it so terrible or scary. He only met you a few hours ago, but something inside him was telling him that you needed to be part of his life. This felt right, so right even that he didn’t want to let go of you just yet. 

“I had fun” You said, breaking the silence after a while. 

“Me too” Michael said, softly grabbing your hand and starting to play with your fingers “Kinda don’t want it to end” 

You hummed, tilting your head so you could look him in the eyes “Then don’t let it end” 

Michael’s green eyes were set on yours, noses almost brushing as you came closer and closer, taking each other’s faces from this new angle. Michael’s hand rested softly on your cheek, cupping it as his eyes traveled from your lips to your gaze. 

“How will I know that this is not a dream and you will not disappear when I open my eyes?” He said in a hushed tone, forehead resting against yours. 

“Kiss me and you’ll find out” You whispered back. Holding your breath as he brought you into a kiss. 

Everything felt just right. 

*****************************************************

The quiet boy stared at the happy couples with jealousy. Weddings were never his thing but he couldn’t miss his sister’s wedding, even if he wanted to. 

He sighed deeply into his drink as he thought love was playing him a cruel joke, him being the only single person within a five mile ratio. 

“What’s with the face, Robert?” Asked a voice behind him. 

“Oh, hey uncle Mike” The young man said, not really knowing when his uncle came and sat next to him “Guess I’m just not in the mood” 

Michael hummed, raising his hairy eyebrows and drawing even more wrinkles in his forehead “Feeling like love is not for you then” 

Robert looked at him confused “How do you-”

“I was once young and stupid you know? Just like you,” Robert rolled his eyes “Hey, I’m trying to teach you something here, boy”

“Sorry”

“I also thought that love was not for me and I found myself in your same position, in your grandpa’s wedding feeling absolutely miserable” Michael’s eyes gleamed at the memory, a smile spreading on his face “And then I met the love of my life not even ten minutes later” 

Michael still remembers that night like it was yesterday, even though it happened around fifty years ago. He remembers what you were wearing and the jokes that made you laugh. He still knows all the words to the songs you danced since that night, never passing a chance to slow dance with you or to give you the love and appreciation that you needed. He found out what you liked the most and what you hated, slowly learning to become one team of two individuals, but to be honest, he knew he was yours the moment he kissed you that night, thanking your great aunt every passing moment of his life, especially the night where he proposed. The sound of you saying yes through a teary smile still brings him all the joy he could ever need. 

The years he had next to you were the best years of his life. He felt blessed to have been able to enjoy all those moments by your side, keeping his promise of loving you and making you happy until your last day on earth. Whenever he thought of you after the day you left, sadness does not cloud his mind like before. You were his partner, his soulmate and he will always remember how bright you were in every single aspect, your memory brought him the comfort he needed, knowing you were waiting for him and that right now you were watching over him with a grin on your face, knowing exactly what he was about to say next. 

“And, who knows? After all, weddings are a great place to start a new story”

[anika-ann]

Errare Humanum Est - Pt.9

...Make a Friggin’ Lemonade

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2)    x Supernatural

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader (past?)    Word count: 3170

Summary: Steve’s dealing, so everyone else has to deal with him; Natasha is the one to take action. Again.

Warnings: mentions of violence and blood, unhealthy coping mechanism, sad sad Steeb

Story masterlist

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Steve couldn’t fight the smile creeping to his lips when he blinked his eyes open, still hazy with sleep, and found you beside him in the cushions. You were facing him, still deeply in the dreamland. On mornings like these, he struggled to find words that would express how he felt about you – they never seemed like enough.

In your sleep, you were softer than ever, missing the radiant smile and laughter that lighted up his days, and he loved this version of you, finding it equally enchanting. You were beautiful, like a mirage, eyelashes casting shadows on your cheeks, plush lips parted slightly, begging to be kissed.

Today, he resisted the temptation and only kissed your forehead. Still, you stirred instantly, releasing a content hum only few moments later, smiling as he retreated.

“Morning, doll,” he whispered, his smile growing when your sleepy gaze found his and the corners of your lips automatically curled up as well.

“Morning, Steve. Slept well?”

You gingerly ran your fingers through his hair, brushing his cheeks with your fingertips and he placed his palm over the back of your hand, keeping it on his face as his eyelids fluttered close at the tender display of affection.

“Always do with you,” he admitted. He wasn’t ashamed of that. He suffered from nightmares sometimes, but they got very rare when sleeping in bed with you – the feeling of warmth of your body against his chased memories of both Bucky’s death and crushing the Valkyrie away, at least most of the time. “You?”

Your hand slipped from his hold and he pouted in discontent, giving you a concerned look.

Steve would swear you seemed paler than just a moment ago. A worried crinkle formed on his forehead when he saw pain flash in your eyes, a bead of cold sweat running down your temple.

“It hurts,” you breathed out heavily and Steve’s heartbeat picked up, fear squeezing his chest.

“What does?” he hurried, sitting up hastily, looking around the room for anything that could relieve your pain, no matter where it had come from.

A choking noise had his eyes return to you swiftly, only to cause him freeze in horror at the sight of blood pouring from your mouth. His heart positively stopped as you grunted, repeating the two words driving him out of his mind.

“It hurts.”

His fingers tangled in his hair in desperation. He needed to call someone to help, you were bleeding for no apparent rea-

Steve’s gaze fell to your abdomen, bile rising to his mouth, his body jerking away on autopilot. Your pale shaking fingers were clutching at the object sticking out of your torso, right above your pelvis.

Accusing eyes full of agony starred at him as his legs gave out and he sunk down the wall; your irises losing all life, face white as a sheet of paper, your lips only red because of the blood otherwise deadly blue.

And weren’t the colours ironic. They matched precisely to the weapon that nearly cut you in half, still buried in you.

It was Captain’s own shield.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Steve jolted awake with a gasp, tears already streaming down his cheeks, and he found himself in a sitting position, strapped to a chair.

For a second, his mind returned to the god-awful room he had woken up just before he sentenced you to death; almost instantly, the low hum of engines and the sight of control panel of the quinjet brought him back to reality. He struggled to remember where he was going and why was he sitting where he was.

“I’m putting a stop to this,” Natasha announced and Steve’s head snapped to his left to face her, her skinny figure dressed in her Black Widow gear.

She seemed unimpressed with him, her arms crossed on her chest, but there was a flicker of compassion, the emotion Steve learned to hate these past days, because he saw it everywhere he went – even though ‘everywhere’ only included the Tower, the quinjet, the other places he had gone because of missions, locations unimportant.

They were flying to Ukraine now, he remembered, hunting down another remains of Hydra that recently resurfaced. Well, shit. He needed to pull himself together.

“We’re on a mission, Rogers,” she continued before he could ask what exactly it was she was putting a stop to. “Actually, I am. You’re out this very second. You fell asleep, while piloting. You’re out.”

Numbing horror paralysed him.

Absolutely not. Not an option. Steve had to go there. First of all, it was Hydra. He despised Hydra, hated it with all his heart, especially since they— since-- and second of all, he needed to work. It was his purpose. The only purpose he had.

He straightened in his seat – piloting seat indeed – and stuck his chin out, voice determined, ignoring the quickly drying salty pathways on his face. “I’m sorry, Natasha, it won’t happen-“

“No, it won’t,” she agreed swiftly. “Because you’re taking another nap. Tony’s flying in-“

“No! I’m sorry, okay? But now I… I took a nap. I’m back at full alert. I can do this.”

“No, you can’t!” Natasha hissed, spinning his seat and taking the one opposite to him. “You’re staying on the jet and when we’re back, you’re having a vacation.“

“NO!” he snapped, his hands curling in fists. He had to do this. She didn’t understand-

“YES! Yes, you are! This is how you get killed! And frankly, that’s the worst way of paying back for her sacrifice!” she raised her voice as well, gesturing wildly, something so uncharacteristic of her.

The blatant mention of you had Steve grind his teeth as he unbuckled, leaning towards Natasha in desperate hope to shut her up. His stomach made several flips, red spots dancing in front of his eyes.

No one spoke of you. No one. You were his. His to miss, his to mourn, his to-- to-

“Don’t you dare-!”

“She told you!” Natasha thundered, jumping to her feet to tower over him, her hand flying up as if she wanted to knock some sense into him and then it curled into fist in apparent frustration with him. “She knew! She told you to go save the others!”

That was it. That was when the levee broke, the words he craved to scream into the sky finally coming out as he levelled himself with her – overgrown her, because he was taller, his shoulders wider.

“She shouldn’t have! She should have lived! But she never got a say, because I killed her!”

Natasha’s face softened, her shoulders slumping as his voice broke at the one particular word. Steve hated it, closing his eyes just to escape the compassion he didn’t deserve; what more, compassion that wouldn’t bring her back.

Nothing could. He had fucked up so, so bad….

He forced the tears not to spill, his jaw set tight so it wouldn’t tremble. He didn’t want the pity. He didn’t want anything these days and he didn’t fucking care what Natasha thought or wanted.

“That’s not true, Steve. There was no right choice-”

“And I did choose wrong-” he said lowly, only to be interrupted too.

“I can’t be a judge of that. But her death, it wasn’t your fault. I can’t imagine how much it hurts to lose your soulmate, but it happened. And I might not have a PhD. in healthy coping mechanisms, but I know for sure that this will cost you your life,” she warned him, stern and yet kind as she placed her smaller hand on his shoulder. “You need a time off.”

Steve gulped at the idea. He couldn’t afford that. He simply couldn’t.

“I can’t.”

“Why? Because then you’ll have the time to visit her grave at least, since you missed the funeral? Because then you’ll actually get to mourn her?”

“I do that every fucking day!” he spitted out, his fist hitting the control panel, leaving a visible dent in the metal.

“No, Steve,” Natasha opposed slowly, her voice oh, oh so soft in a way Steve had never heard before. It was making him sick and weak in his knees with the need to give in and let himself break again. He had been keeping it at bay since the day he had crushed the mirror, finding out about his supposed other soulmate. He couldn’t afford to lose it, especially not now. He had a job to do.

And Natasha was not getting it. It wasn’t a surprise. She couldn’t. She never would.

“You spent one day unable to get up from your bed and then you threw yourself into work. I get it, you want to drain yourself to just pass out the moment you fall into bed and sleep a dreamless sleep, but you can’t do this. You need to mourn. You didn’t get a chance to come to terms with her death. And you need to do that to move on.”

“I don’t want to.”

He sunk back to the seat at his admission, running his hand down his face. This was an awful place to have this conversation. Disastrous timing. It was terrible to have this conversation in the first place.

Natasha moved behind him, placing both of her palms on his shoulders this time. It was as if she was reading his mind; not having to deal with her uncharacteristically open expression was easier for him.

“I know. And that’s okay. But you need to.”

Maybe. But it wasn’t what he truly needed. He had a task. An order to follow. That was what mattered. That was what he could do. What he could control.

“She died because of Captain America. Captain America is a man on a mission to save lives,” Steve exclaimed, fighting to keep his voice even, trying to close off again. They would be in their destination soon. He had to focus. He had to push the dull ache in his gut deeper before it burst out again and crippled him like the first day. “That’s the only thing I need to do, Natasha.”

“That’s a load of bullshit and we both know that!” she hissed like a cat, fingers digging into his uniform before relaxing again and letting her hands fall. “Not that it matters, because this isn’t a discussion.”

“Natasha-” he sighed.

“I can see how much you’re hurting. I can, Steve. You have every right to. Believe it or not we saw how… how complete she made you. I get it that you’re pissed at yourself. But the only person actually murdered by you is Steve Rogers. He deserves to live and eventually, I believe you can be… not perfectly happy maybe, but at least alive.”

Steve couldn’t. No matter what fate had prepared for him – he couldn’t see himself alive like that again. It hurt that someone did. It felt like dishonouring your memory, everything you two had had. You had been his perfect match. His perfect, beautiful, witty, loving and utterly unique soulmate. No one could ever replace you.

Steve closed his eyes, feeling as a ghost of soft touch brushed over his new soulmark, mocking him and more importantly, mocking you.

“I… I got new words,” he choked out, leaning his elbows onto the dash, taking his face to his hands so Natasha couldn’t see him.

“What?”

He looked up, hoping to catch a glimpse of her shock in the reflection. To see how he had knocked the air out of her lungs, her arguments stuck in her throat. It would be satisfactory. Maybe if he pressed further, she would forget about this non-sense of pulling him from the mission.

His next words were as pained as sharp and cold.

“There’s probably someone else who is supposed to be my soulmate. Just like that, Natasha. Someone new. As if she was some… something I use and throw away, only to replace it.”

“Oh Steve, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice shaky. “I know it feels like too much now, but you do deserve that. A chance-“

“I don’t want her,” Steve said simply, voice so full of hatred it would have taken him aback if he cared enough to muse over it.

“I know.” She really didn’t. She could never. “But that’s now and it might change.”

Steve huffed in frustration. Since when was Romanoff stupid?

“Don’t you get it? Even if I wanted her, which I don’t, I have nothing to offer. I’m poison, Natasha. I reached out, I tried to have a relationship once, and she’s dead now. Dead. I’m not doing that to another person.”

Or to myself was left unspoken, but clear as day.

“Sorry to break it to you, Steve, but that might not be your choice to make. If you have the words, you will meet your new soulmate either way,” she exclaimed dryly, apparently losing patience with him as well.

Good. They needed to stop with this oversharing crap and get back to professionalism. There was no space for friends in this business. No space for building any kind of bonds. People died on missions. Steve couldn’t say he wasn’t tempted once or twice. Just a little mistake, moving a fraction to late when dodging a bullet, running just a bit slower, stumble maybe, when running away from an explosion…

But then he always saw your imploring expression, deep sad eyes and he felt guilty at instant. Life was precious. He had already thrown away yours – it wasn’t any more his right to do that same with his, no matter how easy it would be, how relieving maybe.

And just like with his or your life, it wasn’t his place to take over another poor woman’s existence. He had to stay alone. Screw fate.

“Then if we do meet, we say hello and right after, we say goodbye. Before someone does it for us.”

Natasha scoffed, irritation lacing her voice. Steve glared at her through the reflection, barely seeing her. He hoped she could make out his expression.

“Really? You just… send her away?”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m gonna do.”

“That’s not you being generous, Steve. That’s you being a self-sacrificing and self-righteous asshole.”

Steve grinded his teeth. “Natasha-“

“This conversation is over,” she announced, patting his shoulder. Well, finally. He breathed a sigh of relief. “You get some sleep now.”

Too soon. “No, I don’t,” he opposed calmly as he blindly fastened the straps again.

“Tony’s on our radar already.“

Steve’s eyes fell on the display on the control panel, checking if she was right. The very same moment, he felt a sting at the side of his neck, his hand snapping its direction at instant, catching Natasha’s hand first, feeling for the object she held and tearing it away.

But it was too late – the syringe he managed to rip off was already half-empty. He tossed it away sloppily as his limbs started feeling heavy, his head lulling despite his will.

He gritted his teeth to fight the dizziness, grabbing Natasha’s wrist and using it as a leverage to spin his seat. The whole world swayed with the motion, making him reach for the armrests to maintain his balance; he missed, the straps being the only thing keeping him upright.

He swallowed the bitter taste that gathered in his mouth, forcing the nausea and vertigo down so he could look at Natasha; she seemed a bit guilty? It was hard to tell with his vision blurring, dark edge closing it off.

His ears were ringing and hurting in the way very similar to when he had aimed the Valkyrie to crush straight down, allowing him to barely make out the words leaving Natasha’s lips.  

“And I wasn’t asking.”

“’sha?” he mumbled her name accusingly – or he tried, his tongue heavy as the rest of his body.

He must fight it. He had a mission. He had a task. He must-

The smooth material of her sleeve slipped through his fingers, darkness enveloping him like an old frenemy.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

“’sha?” he breathed out weakly and the spy pressed her lips together, the heart she sometimes doubted she still possessed shattering.

The look on his face screamed utter betrayal, messing with his handsome and worn features, glassy eyes full of unspoken pain. She could only describe him like ‘so fucking tired’ and the tranquillizer wasn’t to blame. This was an exhaustion gnawing his very soul; his body now finally followed as the simple word, the name of his supposed friend, slurred into one barely comprehensible syllable.

Natasha gulped, questioning her decision, the hurt and broken trust in his eyes shaking her to her core. She sighed in relief when he passed out and blinked away her tears that welled unexpectedly. She didn’t count on how much the action seen as treason in Steve’s eyes would affect her.

She had to do this though, there was not another option. This was the only way, even if it meant she would lose his friendship, even if it meant he would never be able trust her again. It’d better be their relationship at stake than his life.

She had seen it on the few past missions – he had been getting sloppy. His movements slowed down, his reaction time prolonging. He grew weaker despite his constant workout. The all-nighters he had been pulling out to avoid sleep and dreams of you were taking their toll on him. There were things not even the serum could fix and this was one of them.

A bullet to his brain or heart was another and it was an inevitable outcome of his faltering skills.

This job was only for the bests of the bests. No mistakes, maximum alert. Anything less meant death and that was simply not something she could allow when it came to him. She wasn’t happy about admitting it, but she grew too fond of Steve to let that happen. She liked him. He was an excellent soldier and great agent, a good person and a dear friend, when he wasn’t kicked so low he couldn’t seem to get up.

He mattered to her and that was why it was her duty to save his life this way despite possibly losing his friendship in the process. Sam had said she needed to confront him; the therapist probably hadn’t thought she would do it like this, but hey, she tried her best.

She watched his crouched form in the pilot seat, the ever-present tension leaving his body. He was going to have a killer headache and a terrible neck cramp with his head bend down nearly to his chest.

Natasha looked around, the cabinet with clean clothes caching her eye. She walked to it, pulling out two of his hoodies; one she unzipped to cover his torso. The other one she folded once more and arranged it to the seat before gently manipulating his head into a less neck-breaking position.

She smiled at her handiwork tightly, ignoring the cold sensation in her gut, fear of this being the last time she could get within ten feet distance to Steve Rogers, her possibly former friend. She delicately pushed away the strand that had fallen into his eyes, her voice barely audible.

“Have sweet dreams, Steve. You’ll be okay.”

As she sat to the other pilot seat to land with the jet, she hoped that he would.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Part 10

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Thank you for reading! 

(The chapter title refers to the previous one with Steeb... and will continue next episode, stay tuned ;) )

[blushingbaka]

love like summer rain;

✰ part six ✰ read part five here ✰ masterlist ✰

|| summary - bokuto was never your first pick as a co-counselor, but eight weeks is plenty of time to change your mind

pairing: bokuto x fem!reader genre: fluffy camp counselor au, slow burn, mutual pining length: 3.1k

✰ a/n: w o w... okay i had this part planned out, but it ended up being longer than i expected !! it’s definitely the longest in the series, but the next one is pretty short. i’m super excited to see your reactions though, so pls indulge me lolol, as always, i hope you enjoy it <3

⋆week six⋆

Something about camping outside always brought you a sense of ease. As you listened to the quiet crackling of the campfire, the chorus of chirping insects, and the jovial laughter of the campers you couldn’t help but smile. Letting the campers experience sleeping under the stars was always your favorite part of camp, even if a select few were reluctant to sleep outdoors. But those campers along with the ones who had complained about the task of gathering firewood were all smiles now, huddled around the fire, roasting marshmallows.

“Hands off the chocolate, Bokuto!” you looked just in time to see Yukie swatting at Bokuto’s hand. Her reaction was too slow, however, and he popped the piece of chocolate in his mouth with a smug grin. “Those are for the s’mores!” she reprimanded him, slapping him on the shoulder, and you couldn’t help but laugh. Tonight your smiles seemed to come easier, and you felt less tense surrounded by the comforting hum of nature.

When Bokuto joined the campers around the fire, you saw Yukie steal a piece of chocolate for herself out of the corner of your eye. “I thought those were for the s’mores” you parroted her words, nudging her side with your elbow playfully.

“Eh, we have plenty anyway. I just like giving Bo a hard time” she admitted, the left corner of her mouth quirking up slyly. “Besides it’s not like we can roast a marshmallow for ourselves right now” she pouted, obviously still discontent with the fact you two were manning the s’mores station. You shifted your focus back to the campers and found yourself easily entertained. A portion of the campers was intently focused on Akaashi as he gave them instructions on how to achieve a perfect, golden marshmallow; however, there were also the campers who followed Bokuto’s impatient approach, allowing their marshmallow to catch on fire, before squealing excitedly as they blew it out.

The campers were all too quick to bring you their marshmallows that you soon found yourself busy with helping them make their s’mores. You became distracted by Yukie bantering with a camper who wanted extra chocolate, so it shocked you to suddenly hear Bokuto yelling your name. You whipped your head in his direction concerned with his urgent tone, and you saw him walking hastily through the small crowd of campers.

“Make way! We have a marshmallow barely holding on!” He exclaimed loudly, and you finally saw that his eyes are focused on a marshmallow close to falling off the stick he was holding. “I need a graham cracker stat!” He yelled to you, causing you to scramble to grab one. You met him on the other side of the table, and you could see the marshmallow slipping further, but you reached it just in time, pressing the graham cracker to its bottom.

“See I told you we would save it” Bokuto turned excitedly to the camper you hadn’t even realized was trailing him. After making her s'more, she thanked Bokuto again, the stars still in her eyes.

“Aren’t you quite the hero” you poked his ribcage teasingly, your smile becoming even wider. He mirrored your grin, but suddenly he became nervous, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his neck.

“I’d bring you a marshmallow since you’re stuck making s’mores, but I burn all mine” there’s a slight pout to his lips that your eyes seem drawn to. “Maybe I can talk Akaashi into roasting you one” he searched your face, waiting for your response, and you have to purse your lips to stop yourself from laughing at how adorable he is.

“Actually, I prefer the taste of burnt marshmallows” you whispered as if you’re telling him some grand secret, relishing in the gleam that entered his amber eyes.

“Say no more!” He exclaimed, slightly puffing out his chest. “I’ll roast you the darkest marshmallow you’ve ever had!” You want to tell him there is a limit to how charred a marshmallow should be, but all you can do is chuckle as he gives you a little salute, heading back to the campfire. As you continued prepping s’mores you couldn’t help but sneak glances of Bokuto by the fire. He was speaking excitedly to Akaashi, who looked very concerned as he placed the burnt marshmallow into the flames again. You had to muffle your laughter when he pulled it back out of the fire, eyes narrowed, as he scrutinized its surface. You’re worried he might stick it back into the fire, but thankfully he heads your way, a pleased smile on your face.

You will admit, you don’t think you’ve ever seen a marshmallow so burnt before, barely being able to find any white on its surface. Your eyes darted to Bokuto, who was watching you expectantly. You started by picking off the burnt exterior, plopping it swiftly into your mouth. A satisfied hum fell from your mouth as you enjoyed the charred sweet taste. You could feel a bit of stickiness on your lips, so you darted your tongue out to capture it, your face suddenly flooding with heat when you realized Bokuto’s eyes were tracking your movements.

“Thank you” you spluttered out, quickly taking the rest of the marshmallow. You mumbled something about getting back to work, and when he left your side, you breathed deeply trying both to steady your heartbeat and to ignore Yukie’s suggestive stare.

Eventually, you ran out of graham crackers, and since you had to set aside chocolate for chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, you told the kids they could only roast what’s left of the marshmallows. You happily take a couple of marshmallows for yourself and a stick, finding yourself an open spot on one of the logs placed close to the campfire. At some point Akaashi had pulled out his guitar, exciting the campers who had excitedly yelled out what songs they wanted him to play. You gently swayed your shoulders to the familiar tune, eyes focused on the dancing flames surrounding your marshmallow. You felt someone plop down beside you, and no surprise, you turned your face to meet the sight of Bokuto.

“This is nice” he sighed beside you, eyes trailing the smoke as it furled and vanished into the velvet sky littered with pinpoints of light.

“It is” you mumbled transfixed by the golden light flickering over his features, the flames of the fire also reflected in his amber irises. The sight was so captivating you forgot about your marshmallow until the camper to your left told you it was falling. You cursed under your breath, taking it out of the fire and bringing it closer to your lips, managing to blow out the small flame and keep it steady.

“Y/N” Bokuto whispered, causing you to bring your attention back to him. When your eyes met his, he had his mouth wide open, and you bit your lip fighting a grin.

“You want my marshmallow” you exclaimed in mock offense, holding your hand to your chest. "My perfectly burnt marshmallow"

“It’s only fair. I gave you mine” he said insistently, knocking your knees together purposefully. Come to think of it, you had only actually seen him eat one s’more, and you wondered if that’s all he had.

“Fine” you huffed, holding out the stick to him, but instead of using his hands, he moved his head forward, attempting to grab it directly with his teeth. “Seriously” you chuckled, your first instinct being to move it further away.

“Hold it still” he whined grabbing your hand that was holding the stick. Your eyes zeroed in on your hands, his touch somehow being hotter than the heat radiating off the fire. You felt your pulse quicken, and you wondered when little things like this would stop driving you insane.

“Easy lovebirds. There are kids around” your body went taut like a wire, hearing the familiar taunting voice of your childhood best friend. You whipped around, looking up to see Kuroo’s prominent smirk. It felt like you were caught in a scandalous moment, so you quickly stood up, stepping over the log.

“Kuroo, what are you doing here? Is something wrong?” You were eager to change the subject, but you knew there had to be some reason why he left his group. Just like yours, they were camping out tonight, but they were at some site further up the mountain.

“Ah, nothing to worry about. I just was hoping you had some spare batteries. We’re going to play flashlight tag, but some of the campers’ flashlights are dead” he sighed dramatically like the ordeal was very inconvenient for him.

“Yeah, I know I have some in my backpack,” you told him already walking towards your bag.

“Oh! Can we play flashlight tag?” You heard Bokuto ask excitedly from behind you. You hadn’t even realized he got up to follow you.

“No that’s really just for the older kids. People can get hurt pretty easily.” You explained, crouching down to rummage through your bag. “By the way, do you need any extra medical supplies?” You questioned, looking up at Kuroo. Now that you were further away from the fire it was harder to see, but the soft reaching light of its flames illuminated his face enough for you to make out his expressions.

“I think we’re good. I can just come back down if we’re running low for some reason. I know you like seeing my face anyways.” he added, but you swore his eyes were trained on Bokuto as he spoke. Deciding it was just a trick of the light, you just rolled your eyes at his weak attempt at teasing.

“Here, this should be plenty” you handed him the small plastic bag of batteries, after you had taken out some for your site. Your hands instinctively went to rub your upper arms, the faint breeze giving you chills now that you didn’t have the comforting heat of the fire.

“Are you cold?” Kuroo immediately picked up on your actions. “It’s supposed to get kind of chilly tonight so I hope you brought a sweatshirt.” You did have a sweatshirt, but unfortunately, you had already given it to a camper that had forgotten theirs. There was always extra blankets in your supplies, however, so it wasn’t something you were worried about.

“I’ll be fine” you sighed. His words isolated would seem caring, but there was a teasing lilt to his voice that you knew meant he had some other ulterior motive to his words.

“Well if you do get cold and can’t sleep, my sleeping bag is big enough for the both of us” he gave you a sly wink, and this time you were almost certain his eyes darted to Bokuto.

“Just get back to your campers. You wonder why I call you annoying” you grabbed his shoulders, gently coaxing him to turn around and start walking.

“I’m just being considerate” he chuckled deeply, but he kept on walking. You shook your head in mild exasperation, heading back to the campfire. You turned seeing Bokuto hadn’t moved, his eyes glancing between you and Kuroo.

“Coming Bokuto?” You questioned, and he shook his head as if your words brought him out of a trance. He gave you a small nod, smiling softly, but it didn’t quite seem to reach his eyes.

--------

Just as you expected, it was a couple of hours into the early morning before you got the campers settled in their sleeping bags. It was difficult for you to sleep, however, the spare blanket not being quite enough to keep you warm and your mind being increasingly aware of your dwindling time at camp. This was probably the last year you’d be able to spend your summer being a counselor, so you clung onto moments like tonight desperately trying to engrain the view of the vast night sky into your memories.

With the fire being put out a couple of hours ago, only the chorus of insects remained, but if you focused hard enough you could hear the distant sound of a stream. Giving up on sleeping, you grabbed your flashlight, deciding to take a small walk to clear your head. You wrapped the blanket over your shoulders, taking advantage of the little warmth it gave you. It wasn’t long until you came across the creek, a clearing allowing the moon’s light to glitter across it’s surface. You found a place on the bank to settle down, admiring the steady stream of water, and pulled your knees to your chest.

“Y/N!” You jumped, hearing Bokuto whisper yell your name, and you turned to see him slowly approaching you. The tension left your body as quickly as it came and you offered him a small smile as he sat beside you.

“You don’t have to whisper you know” you informed him, a smirk tugging at your lips.

“I don’t know. I feel like I might disturb all this peacefulness” he gestured broadly to the space around you, still keeping his voice at a hushed whisper. You chuckled, slightly adjusting yourself so your body was facing his.

“Were you looking for me?” You asked curiously, recalling the hints of worry in his features when you first saw him.

“Hmm not exactly” he mumbled, looking down at a stone he was turning in his hand. “I had gotten up to pee, and just as I was walking back onto the campsite I saw you walking into the opposite part of the woods.”

“And you followed me?” You rose one eyebrow in question. With the moonlight reflecting off his face, you could see a faint shade of pink dusting his cheeks.

“Well actually…” he chewed his bottom lip, reluctant to finish his sentence.

“Tell me” you urged him, laughing softly, tapping his leg gently with your foot.

“I might have been worried that you got cold and that you were going to take Kuroo up on his offer” he spit out the words so fast you almost didn’t register what he said. You stared at him, your mouth gaped open in shock. You didn’t know what notion was more ridiculous. The notion that Kuroo’s offer was genuine or the notion that you’d actually accept it. Your silence must have added to Bokuto’s embarrassment because he turned slightly away from you pouting.

“Even if I was as cold as ice, I wouldn’t get in a sleeping bag with Kuroo” you laughed breathily, managing to find your voice. This piqued Bokuto’s interest, and his golden eyes quickly glanced back to yours. “There is no sharing a sleeping space with that man” you continued huffily. “That hairstyle is not one of a peaceful sleeper, y’ know?”

Your gentle jabs at Kuroo seemed to lighten Bokuto’s mood, but he still seemed bothered by something. “Y/N, will you be honest with me about something?” He was looking into your eyes so deeply, you couldn’t do anything but nod, holding your breath as you waited for his question.

“Do you have feelings for Kuroo?” His expression looked so vulnerable that you decided to shake your head profusely instead of laughing in his face, which would be your typical reply to that question.

“We’ve always just been friends, and that’s how we want it” you couldn’t believe you were having this conversation with him. Was he really that oblivious to your feelings? You thought it was painfully obvious how flustered you got from even the smallest hints of his affection.

“That’s good” Bokuto nodded, but it seemed like he was talking more to himself. “Oh! You can have this if you’re still cold. I don’t need it.” You glanced at the sweatshirt he was holding out for you, noticing its presence for the first time. Your stomach flipped seeing it was the same sweatshirt he gave you last week, which you had begrudgingly washed and given back to him. You wondered if he could sense how ectastic you really were as you slipped the material over your form. When your head reappeared, you could see that Bokuto was smiling fondly at you.

“Here we should at least share this blanket” you felt a sudden rush of bravery as you scooted closer to him draping the blanket over both your shoulders.

“We’re not heading back?” He asked although you were glad to not hear any disappointment in his tone.

“Not yet. I just want to stay here a little longer.” Your body was brimming with so many emotions, but it felt like voicing them now would disturb the peacefulness Bokuto mentioned earlier. So like many times prior, you bottled them inside, choosing instead to focus on Bokuto’s presence. “Will you stay with me please?” You softly requested.

“Of course” he stammered, but when you let your head fall onto his shoulder you could tell his body was tense. You let your knee playfully knock against his, hoping it’d coax him into relaxing. It was effective because he heaved out a sigh, his shoulder relaxing under your cheek, and his head dropped to rest softly on yours. You two fell into a comfortable silence, and now more than ever you wished you could freeze this moment, refusing to let it fade away; however, now the steady stream of water seemed to mock you, reminding you that life would carry on and the seasons would change. Who would you be to Bokuto when autumn came? It was almost as if he could read your mind.

“Hey Y/N” he softly prodded. You hummed in response. “Promise me that when this summer is over, we’ll still hang out like this, okay?” You weren’t sure what ‘this’ really meant, but his words still caused butterflies to erupt in your stomach and your lips curved up in a familiar smile.

“Sure. I’d like that.”

“Okay but this is serious, so we have to seal it with a pinky promise” he demanded resolutely, slightly pulling away from you. He already had his pinky outstretched, and you bit your lip shyly linking yours with his. He had a surprisingly firm grip, and he lightly swayed your hands back and forth, letting the moment linger. You bravely looked up to his face, being met with the guileless boyish grin and twinkling eyes that made affection swirl wildly inside you. Unlike earlier tonight, he was now bathed in the silver light of the moon, rather than the golden light of the fire, but he still looked ethereal. At that moment you knew you wanted more than anything to stay by his side and see how he looked within each season. You wanted to feel summer rain all year long.

✰ continue reading… part seven ✰