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#i love to read. i just wish i could read
opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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I honestly don't know if I could have earned my undergrad degree if not for YouTube teaching videos and text to speech features for reading pdfs
#i just cannot read. too dyslexic.#god. if i could read i would be unkillable. i could code. i could learn abt lots of things#u dont understand how discouraging it is to spend hours trying to read a paper and just retaining none of it#i love to learn. i just wish everything with audio. except i also have issues with audio lol so i need the written and the verbal#i was just watching a video on jaccard similarly for a micobial network analysis thing#i spent hours today trying to understand the code description and then i do to a video description of jaccard#and im like oh. that fucking makes sense its just scoring the fucking overlap across samples dumbass#god bless the people making those videos. they got me thru math and chem and cell bio and stats and r coding#if i lived in any pre internet time idk what id do. not be an academic i guess#bc if i had to read physical books i would cry everyday and get no where#sometimes. dyslexia. makes. me. sad.#my dyslexia assessment says im smart when not constrained by language and time. which is like cool. fucking. that's really annoying#i crumble under time constraints and i cant intake or articulate info. great. rip#ugh. annoying. shout out to my dad for afflicting me with this curse. the dyslexia genes r so fucking strong from his family#me. my sisters and my cousin r all varying degrees of dyslexic#if u ask me to read and unknown word aloud its extremely embarrassing. im like a 4 year old guessing at words lol#i have 2 advanced stem degrees and very low reading comprehension#i love to read. i just wish i could read#unrelated
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bamsara · 1 year
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
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peachyutdr · 6 months
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i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D
#undertale yellow#uty#my art#<- ifg#spoilers under these tags beware. although it is mostly just me being very very sad#that entire thing was heart wrenching. anyways#CEROBAS FIGHT??? HELLO???#i had to exit out of it the first time (i got to the last phase) to get better items but i came back and won pretty quickly#but THE CUTSCENES?!?!?#JFC NO WONDER THIS WOMANS SO MESSED UP. HER HUSBAND PRACTICALLY DIED IN HER ARMS AND THE LAST THING HE LEFT HER WITH- HIS DYING WISH- COULD#ONLY BE FULFILLED BY PUTTING THEIR ONLY CHILD IN DEATHS WAY. AND THEN WHEN SHE TOOK THAT RISK THE WORST THING HAPPENED AND SHE NOW HAS TO#LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF BEING THE ONE TO. MOST LIKELY. KILL HER ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER#ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD#BEEN ONLY KIND MERCIFUL AND JUST THIS WHOLE TIME. EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE TRYING TO KILL THEM. FUCK.#AAND WHEN CLOVER HUGGED HER I DOUBLED OVER IRL BC *THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT* I HATE IT (read: love it) HERE#n dont even get me STARTED on after that. when clover started moving on their own and the gd white screen came up and we got flashbacks of#everyone's words. thats when the tears rlly started coming bc it clicked for me. 'oh. this is it. isn't it?' and IT WAS#WHEN THEY GAVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAT AND GUN AWAY TO MARTLET AND STARLO WELL THATS WHEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING#AAND THE GROUP HUGG#I WAS SOBBING WHENEVER I HAD TO WATCH THEM CRAWL UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DIE AND HAVE FLOWEYS WORDS PLAY OVERHEAD#AND THE FUCKOGN#THE F U C K I N G#AFTEWRCREDITS SCENE WHERE WE GOT THE 'You heard someone calling for help. You answered.' I GOT CHILLS SO BAD#to think that all the other souls have stories just as expansive and emotional as clover n frisks. how fucked up is that. in a good way tho#and finally the last scene where we got all 4 of our main friends sending us off in waterfall and we see clovers items end up in the dump#just waiting to be found by bratty and catty. fucken hell man this was a masterpiece#anyways time to reset and obliterate everyone and never emotionally recover from that ever!! really is feeling like 2016-17 again w the way#this game has me sobbing my eyes out and feeling the guilt of knowing that i dont HAVE to kill them all but im too curious not to#oh well. at least i have the balls to do it this time around instead of letting a youtuber do it for me ig
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aquanutart · 2 years
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chomp
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thekittyokat · 18 days
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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hoshiseon · 6 months
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✱ atz, svt, txt, & skz fic recs ✱
MDNI 18+ (most if not all recs are smut)
fem / gen. neutral reader unless stated otherwise
★ – personal faves!
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ATEEZ
☆ the drill — yunho x reader [m] @byuntrash101
★ the thing about pretty boys — seonghwa x reader [m] @wonusite
☆ first snow — wooyoung x reader [m] @cheollipop
☆ deep down (abo) — alpha!ot8 x reader [m] @seventhcallisto
★ the kraken — kracken!yunho x reader [m] @atzfilm
★ wonderwall — faeire!ot8 x reader [m] @atzfilm
☆ mind over matter — mingi x reader [m] @mingisaddctn
☆ coming of age — incubus!san x reader [m] @byuntrash101
☆ never say never — vampire!ot8 x reader [m] @seonghwaddict
★ into the aurora — idol!ot8 x reader [m] @honeyhotteoks
★ this night together (abo) — alpha!yunho x alpha!mingi x reader [m] @honeyhotteoks
☆ treasure — yunho x wooyoung x san x reader [m] @honeyhotteoks
★ mists of celeste — ot8 space pirates!ateez x reader [m] @hongism
★ hotel california | book one — ot8 yandere!demonic entities!ateez x reader [m] @mint-yooxgi
★ paradise gardens | book two — ot8 yandere!demonic entities!ateez x reader [m] @mint-yooxgi
TXT
★ telepathy — mind reader!beomgyu x reader [m] @agustdiv1ne
☆ pose — yeonjun x reader [m] @agustdiv1ne
SEVENTEEN
☆ meet the parents — mingyu x reader [m] @sluttywoozi
☆ control me — gamer!wonwoo x reader [m] @duhnova
★ crawl — devil!jeonghan x reader [m] @himbocoups
★ a whisper from the forest — lumberjack!woozi x forest nymph!reader [m] @idyllic-ghost
☆ and the universe said, — idol!ot13 x reader [m] @thepixelelf
☆ greed — hoshi x reader [m] @cheolism
☆ after LIKE — mingyu x reader @sluttywoozi
STRAY KIDS
★ strange dreams — incubus!hyunjin x reader [m] @planetdream
MULTI
★ code of (mis)conduct — mingyu (svt) x san (atz) x reader [m] @sluttywoozi
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Here are all the steam trading cards for da:o!
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muzaktomyears · 9 months
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Mimi visited John and Cynthia in Weybridge on occasion though the times when John was actually home and not touring were growing few and far between. Still, she enjoyed the visits. She told me of a time when she was there that she heard a knock on the door. No one seemed to be around so she answered it and there in front of her were two rather scraggy-looking young men. She wasn’t used to the rather roguish look of the male fans. They asked for John and she told them he wasn’t available then quickly sent them on their way, telling them in no uncertain terms not to return. They didn’t look like the average fans, but they did look like trouble. In any event, they turned and started back down the driveway. She’d barely shut the door when John came running down the stairs from one of the upper floors. “Mimi! What have you done?!” “I’ve told some fans to leave,” she responded. “Those aren’t fans!” He ran out of the door and down the driveway to stop the two from leaving. It wasn’t until later that he told her that was Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.
The Guitar’s All Right as a Hobby, John, Kathy Burns (2014)
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mamawasatesttube · 3 months
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i wish i could organize a timkon giftswap or week or whatever event, but like only for people who actually care about kon as a character, without coming off as a gatekeeping asshole or something lmao
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doodoodinklefart · 1 month
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i'll turn it into a song
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daydreamalley · 3 months
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The fact that there’s only one time in Chuuya’s life that Corruption was activated (outside of the lab) where Dazai wasn’t there in the aftermath and that was when Chuuya was just 7 years old and left in the crater of the explosion he created, in so much pain and with gravity probably still fluctuating around him. Nothing but complete destruction, hell on earth, and suffering for a seven-year-old child.
Chuuya is never in good shape after he uses Corruption, and I imagine he wasn’t in good shape after he used the full force of Arahabaki (and by used I mean when it was forced out of him due to Rimbaud). And like, we’ve seen Chuuya close Verlaine’s gate when he defeated the Beast of Guivre, and it left Verlaine close to death (though I also imagine that’s in part due to the fact Verlaine isn’t really human), and we also saw earlier on in Storm Bringer when Verlaine opened Corruption for only a second and then closed the gate that Chuuya was in agony, left to suffer in the hell of what was left of the street he’d been on. 
That scene of Chuuya lying on the ground in what used to be an alleyway in excruciating pain is already hard to read, and he’s 16 then (still so young) but at least Dazai still comes (even though he doesn’t technically have to) and nullifies the aftershocks of Chuuya’s ability that are causing him so much pain. Causing him to suffer.
But imagine Chuuya at 7 years old, imagine how small that is, probably in nothing more than a hospital gown, lying in the rubble of the giant crater that will one day become Suribachi city, experiencing all that suffering and probably more. He’s completely alone in the hell of his own ability’s destruction, in unimaginable pain. His frail body that’s been in a lab for so long probably spasming with the pain as he feels the sun for the first time in who knows how long. And there was no one to hold him or catch him or for him to fall into. No one’s lap to rest his head on. No one to hoist him onto their shoulders and carry him away from the carnage. No one to nullify the pain he was in. No one to comfort him or remind him who he was.
What did he probably have to do when he woke up? Wait until he had enough strength to sit up, wait until the dizziness abated enough for him to stand, and through the disorientation walk on his own two feet despite the pain. He’d been through plenty of it after all, even if he couldn’t remember why, his body remembered.
He’d have to piece together any scraps of memory he had. His name probably came first. Then the horrific feeling of the power inside him and that he was probably responsible for the hellscape he was trying to navigate, cutting and scraping his bare feet in the crater of what was.  
Find the corpse of some military personnel that’d been killed in the explosion Arahabaki had caused, far enough away he hadn’t been completely obliterated, and at least steal some of his uniform to wear, though it was much too big for his skinny 7-year-old frame. And the shoes wouldn’t do him any good, they’d just fall off, the jacket already kept slipping off his shoulder.
And then, in that moment, he was perhaps the loneliest person in the world. Not later, when he was 16 and had someone to catch him and someone had just attempted to sacrifice himself for Chuuya. No, then he had a semblance of a family. But when he was 7, that was when he was just alone, and in pain, with no one to reassure him that everything was alright, that nothing was his fault. That his destructive power didn’t make him less human. If anything, he was probably lucky no one with bad intentions found him. 
And then who knows how long later, he’d wandered far enough away from the wreckage, under a bridge where a couple of other kids around his age found him. Still without shoes and in a military uniform far too large for him. Filthy and starving, but having the strength, having the courage to ask a kid “what’s that square thing?” “Tell me what that square thing is in your hand. Right now.” Last ditch effort of demanding, because somehow he still had a strong will. And the kid was just holding a slice of bread. Chuuya just wanted to know if he could eat it. 
Like, can we just talk about the tragedy of that? How truly sad it is that when Chuuya asked “what’s that square thing” and the answer was just bread. Shirase just explaining“I was holding a slice of bread,” and then having to show him that it was edible. Like, my god. And then Chuuya just… faints, on the spot “like he was out of batteries,” as Shirase describes. Finally all his energy and willpower to survive depleted in this moment of hopeful safety. Shirase also says Chuuya looked half dead he was so skinny.
But at least Chuuya had finally found some people who’d given him some food and water. At least Shirase decided to take him to some shelter, even if it was in the sewers. He finally had people, even if they weren’t well off, they had something. Finally he wasn’t alone. And when he learned he had something to offer them in return in the form of his ability? Well, of course he was going to use it to help them.
Also, just, his first memory was of being alone and in pain. Where he is now may not be perfect, but thank god he’s come such a long way and has people and a home and food and luxuries. But like, he just has to live with that every day.
Oh, and mind you, all this was happening to Chuuya close to the end/in the aftermath of the war, which was already a bad time for people, as Murase talks about. He says “But it was the end of the war, and there were supply shortages everywhere you went. Some kids from the Settlement appeared out of nowhere and tried to sneak inside to steal some food.” So on top of Chuuya’s personal struggles, there were shortages of supplies everywhere, bad enough that kids were trying to sneak into military facilities for food. 
So, yeah, this actually massively got away from me, into the territory of hcs and back out again. But like, every time we see Chuuya use Corruption Dazai is around, because he really has to be. And I love that. But just thinking about the one time where Dazai wasn’t around after the full effects of Chuuya’s ability and how that was probably the worst time and Chuuya was only 7 and alone and woke up in the middle of essentially hell on earth with like no memories. It makes me want to scream, and that’s why I wrote this. And then I reread the part in SB where Shirase explains how he met Chuuya and just got even sadder. Fun times fun times.
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nightcolorz · 1 year
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The weird thing about reading TVC is that while you read iwtv for the first time, chances are you’ll eventually get really fed up with and tired of Louis as a narrator. TVL will be like a breath of fresh air after the emotionally exhausting experience of reading from Louis’s pov. But eventually, once Totbt or even Qotd hits, especially once you get to Memnoch, you’ll be groveling at Anne’s feet, desperate for some Louis. Every time he shows up to fulfill his meek housewife duties and give his batshit insane husband some advice that he will inevitably ignore you’ll start vibrating and screeching and rereading the 10 pages he appears on over and over again like your starving
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have i mentioned how great cats are. there's a lil guy in my house and when i lay my head on her side she starts purring so hard <3 and ten seconds later she will try to open my wrist with her teeth <3 truly the best <3
#shes just a silly goofy little guy.....#miss war crimes.... mister menace... bastard... her royal highness <3#she holds all of these titles And More#no ones doing it like her!!!#she eats spiders & makes funny noises that instantly Boosts my criminally low happy chemicals#sorry i looked at her for too long and was once more overcome by a strange emotion i believe some call love#affection? delight?? all three....#and i Had to publicly post about her#i am very proud of my tiny fluffy friend & her general Existence. i must flaunt her#oh how horrible! a couple of tendons in my neck just rubbed together in a very terrible way#what the Fuck. i wish i could reach in there and pluck on em a lil. make sure theyre in the right places#felt that in my Ear....#absolutely unprompted#oh speaking of weird things cause yall know i love to ramble and overshare#i think! i Hypothesize! that there's a slight.... Disconnect between my eyes#my depth perception is fine and i can See#but theres somethin fucky w my vision and focus#nothing is blurry! but it looks like it should be! i dont know how to explain it!#its like my quality of vision has dwindled but not in a way i can describe or really point out#but it Is slightly harder to read and like... See things?#its almost as if i have a few tiny blind spots.#i first noticed this happening after my terrible no good double-decker-migraine weekend#it very slowly got slightly better but then i had Another migraine the other day (ugh and a left brain one at that)#and im back to square one! my visions all fucky again! my peripherals suck!#in other news my house is. so warm. its 2 am. my shirt is toasty enough to keep tortillas warm#i hope everyone is having a good week#and if youre not! theres always the next one! and little delights sprinkled throughout! get yourself a tasty treat you deserve it!
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cerise-on-top · 3 months
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Hank with an Eldritch Horror Reader
Here's another thing I wrote two years back! It was an interesting concept which I really liked, so I actually really enjoyed writing this request!
Hank J Wimbleton was a grunt of many things, but not one to be scared unless he had a good reason to be. There were many things in this world he did not understand, you were one of them. Upon meeting you, his first instinct would have been to either fight or run away - who could blame him, it was all he knew. No matter how many times you reassured him that the very last thing you wanted to do was to harm him, he’d draw his weapon, uncertain of whether or not he should believe your words.
Once you show no resistance towards him whatsoever and simply restrain him using your powers or other methods, that’s when, thrashing around as much as he could, he would start listening. You may or may not have seen a grunt up close, but this was your chance to finally examine one. As you scrutinise him from every possible angle Hank realises that you were simply curious about his being and finally lowers weapon.
Your voice would likely hurt his head and freeze the blood in his veins, so you might have to resort to telepathy or speak through a marionette, if you can find one. Though, once Hank’s interest in you has been piqued, he’d be more than happy to find you one. A lot of people in Nevada seem to be redundant in the first place. Regarding telepathy: You will be able to have a two-way conversation with Hank like that, but, for the most part, he doesn’t think in words. Still, he can do so, if needed.
If you’re on the rather small side, he will make an effort to pick you up, or hold you, and bring you back to base. Depending on whether you can float or not, this might be rather difficult, but he’ll try. If you’re large, however, then he will simply “tell” you to follow him. As an eldritch being you could likely either change your form or scare away anyone in your path in the first place, so he doesn’t particularly worry about anyone being stupid enough to attack you.
Spend time with him, he’ll get used to you more and more and, eventually, grow a bond with you. Proud, he’ll show you to Doc so he can figure out what you are, but do not be fooled. Hank wants to know what you are to some degree too. Once comfortable with you and certain you won’t harm him, he’ll start observing you, touching you to some degree. See how you react, how you feel, how you are.
Despite your conversations being, for the most part, one-sided, Hank will ask you directly what you are and if you’re some form of eldritch deity. Since you’re an amicable creature he can’t exactly wrap his head around, it’s worth a try.
Although he would like to do so to some degree, he won’t take you with him on missions. It’s his way of saying “I care a great deal about you, I don’t want you to die or worse even if you are capable of defending yourself.” If you really insist on aiding him, he will let you, begrudgingly. But beware that he will have your back. In fact, having you around will give him a greater reason to fight and improve his overall performance. Though, it will also be a major stress factor to him if something were to happen to you, so choose wisely.
#madness combat#madness combat x reader#hank j wimbleton#hank j wimbleton x reader#I've been into eldritch horrors and stuff ever since I was a teenager#although I don't condone his beliefs in the slightest I really like Lovecraft's writing style#at one point it influenced how I wrote as well since he was rather descriptive in a pleasant to read way#I have an anthology at home that I might wanna reread again at some point#celephais was always my favorite story and I think it may be one of my favorite stories of all time#I know it interests no one but my favorite book is No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai#and yes I did get into classic literature because of a certain anime I don't wanna tag in this post#but another book I really enjoyed reading was Clockwork Orange I read it with someone I used to be close to and it was a really good read#it gave me nightmares but I really enjoyed it! gave me something to talk about with my father as well#Hier kommt Alex by Die Toten Hosen is also a really good song! as is 1000 Gründe by the same band!#those songs are based on Clockwork Orange actually!#I never watched the movie and I don't think I ever will because eye gore disturbs me but the book was good! I read it bc of tboi!#I have quite a few classic at home! but I think I wanna finish reading Paradise Lost! That's also a really interesting story so far!#reading and writing are some of my favorite hobbies!#I'd also love to finishe the price of salt at some point as well! Because I have to all things considered!#I just wish I could juggle all of my hobbies a bit better! I wish I had a bit more time for everything! but oh well it be like that!
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puhpandas · 4 days
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hi mutuals im just curious.
#im a ggy lover myself and would obviously love to see it realized in a game#but i also like gregory as a character more than his semi-canon backstory#and have complicated feelings on if i want them to confirm ggy at all.#i love ggy but dont want it to take screentime away from gregory#who alongside vanessa havent been focused on in years#(ruin was mimic basically the whole time#doesnt count) and need the screentime desperately.#personally#after THIS long (2 and a half years since gregory screentime and over a year since GGYs release)#i cant help but always wonder if theyve just. waited too long and they shouldnt confirm it.#at least just that they shouldnt release something just for the sake of confirming it and just leave it as book knowledge.#if they did focus on ggy in a game i'd want it to serve the plot involving multiple characters and progress slowly#i dont want it to be confirmed then its just background knowledge i would want there to be a plotline of#gregory remembering it throughout the plot of a game and dealing with it.#it'd confirm it then but it'd also still be wholly focused on Gregory alone and also be a natural reveal for people who dont read the books#for me its option 3 i guess. by all means its for sure canon at the moment im just talking about how it would be revealed in a game#or if at all and left as knowledge someone who read the books would know#my idea is wishful thinking we'd never get something that intricate#i can hope though#i could be so cool#but damn theyre just handling the story so strangely rn#pandas.txt#pandas talks#poll#thoughts#pre hw2 dlc#jic
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doll-elvis · 9 months
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