#i love tom being unhinged and i would never change that about him because i love him dearly but it would certainly make things easier if he

[gregmarriage]

thinking about tom being unhinged and saying weird ass shit to greg constantly and nero and sprous isn’t even the weirdest thing he’s ever said to him. but it’s the fact that yeah, it can be brushed off as just tom being tom and most likely greg did do that because he’s yet to realise tom’s feelings for him (and his own for tom) the fact that if tom wasn’t as batshit as he was and actually said stuff genuinely, instead of hiding behind layer upon layer of jokes, literally everyone would watch that scene and go “um?” but because it’s tom, he has to hide his genuine care for greg in that moment behind dumb “jokes” (“try to wrestle me to the ground, greg!”), when almost every thing he has ever said to greg has never been a joke. from “would you kiss me if i asked?” to “i’d castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat.” tom has been genuine this whole time, but won’t let himself show it for fear of being too much, of being rejected. so he pretends it’s all a joke, “only razzing you, cuz!” because why the hell would greg ever want him anyway?

[askinkiskarma]

say you'll remember me

➳ young!coriolanus snow x f!reader

➳ warnings: angst, mentions of lucy gray, some violent imagery, no happy ending, allusions to smut, snow should be a warning by himself honestly

➳ wc: >1000 words

➳ a/n: i'm back from the dead after ?? months ?? because much to my dismay, i have fallen prey to movie coriolanus snow's charms (tom blyth the man that you are). i need that man biblically. no i have not read the books, please don't come for me, i don't care how unhinged he is, in the movies he's pookie and i love him and i could change him i KNOW it. anyway please enjoy x

He's so tall and handsome as hell He's so bad, but he does it so well I can see the end as it begins My one condition is

Coriolanus Snow was a hard man. Barely a man, when you really stopped to think about it, but it didn’t look like it right now, as he was sitting in the empty auditorium of the university he just left behind, with the stature and poise of a titan… or a god. His time in district 12 changed him. It brought out a side to him very few people knew him capable of, least of all his beautiful, gentle cousin, Tigris. The boy you once knew, golden curly locks of hair inundating the space on his face his azure irises usually lit up, wit and ambition so clearly displayed in them, the boy who, despite it all, despite all that stood against him, still had the remnants of a gentle heart in an environment that thrived on beating such a needless thing out of you… that boy seemed gone, killed by the person who stood tall in front of you, who desperately fought to let bygones be bygones. 

Coriolanus Snow was a hard man. He had to be, to get to where he wanted, to become who he knew he was always destined to be. He had to be, to forget - the war, the famine, the hurt and pain, the loss of love, the loss of hope, the loss of innocence. His blood-red coat was still and unmoving, the fabric as rigid as the persona he skilfully embodied, even as the wind blew past him and circled the room you were carefully eyeing, noticing every detail of it, of him, as you tried your hardest to gauge a mood, or hear a thought, through the unwieldy silence that met you like a careful, long-lost friend.

“So curious, aren’t we, little bird?” 

It shouldn’t have, not when he was the one whose back was turned to you, whose head lost in rumination, but his words, soft and whimsical, took you by surprise. As it always happened, your heart jumped in your chest in quiet anticipation, yearning to catch a glimpse of the one only you were fortunate enough to see. 

“Is it less intimidating… now that you’re done?” 

He turned then, his bright eyes finding yours immediately, drawn like a moth to a flame, and he smirked knowingly, the facade slipping away little by little, chipping like the paint on old walls. It’s funny. Out of the pair of you, you’ve always thought that was you. The moth. Forever risking your life and wings, for the beauty of it all, for the fire that you knew would either consume you or breathe new life in you. It was always a gamble, being in his presence, a game of Russian roulette you were addicted to, because how could you not be? How could you not… when he approaches you, slowly and methodically, his eyes never leaving yours, hungry and needy, speaking all the words he refused to say out loud, allowing you to see it - the glimpses of the boy. The boy you loved, the boy who survived somewhere inside of him, begging to be let out in the presence of someone who wouldn’t hurt the frail, withering existence that still clung to life the best way it knew how. 

“Who says it was ever intimidating, huh?” 

Your smile was enough to thaw the ice, enough for his hand, cold and calloused, warm and calming, to find your face, his thumb caressing the supple skin of your jaw, tracing the soft lips he dreamt about in whispered nights and wildest dreams. He tasted like roses and desire, and he kissed you like you were the breath he’s been denied his whole life. It was easy to forget in those moments, who he was, who you were, all that stood against you, the ghost of the girl he was trying so hard to banish from his mind. 

“Let’s go for a walk, just you and me.” 

Long walks in the city that was still reeling after the war you could barely remember felt intimate and almost like for your eyes and ears only, for only your bodies to feel and touch, for only your minds to wonder about and wander through. Through them, you knew Coriolanus - his many strengths and few weaknesses, his outright dreams and closeted desires, the depths of his soul he felt reluctantly comfortable to bare to you… and in turn, he knew you, more and more each day, as he found breath in the drowning sea that was once Lucy Grey and was levitated to better and never-seen before heights, away from the pain that haunted him every moment of his life.

“I think I loved her.” He tells you one night, his fingers massaging your back, tracing patterns onto it only he could understand, patterns you could spend the rest of your life trying to decipher. 

“I think you loved her, too.” You sigh, happy that his walls, tall and reinforced in layers of heavy, indestructible brick, were slowly chipping at the seams for you, but sad at the ghost that tormented his every breathing moment, and, as a result, yours, too. 

“I think I love you.” His voice was dark, serious, plagued with a twinge of uncertainty and fear, for the feelings he wanted to bury but couldn’t, that he wanted to hide from you and from himself, but decided against. It was short and simple, the confession, barely a few words whispered in the dead of night, while his glistening body was trembling softly under your touch and under the weight of the confession. It was short and simple, but it was enough to knock the breath of your lungs and any semblance of thought from your mind. 

“You wouldn’t… leave, right? You won’t leave.” 

You smile in his chest, and it almost hurts, the need to feel him, closer still, to touch your lips to his and pour it all into a kiss and watch him do the same. 

“Never.”

In these moments, he wasn’t Coriolanus Snow, future president of Panem, the heir to the Plinth fortune. In these moments, he was your Corio, and you were his little bird. When you are done, the disjointed song of the city coming to life falls upon deaf ears as you hold each other, reluctant to let go and face the harsh realities of the world that surrounded you and seeped into every aspect of your being, no matter how unwelcome. You hoped you could stay like this forever, safe in his arms, in the arms that welcomed you, in the arms that held onto you and thus, onto the inherent goodness born into him that he was forever struggling to subjugate, that you hoped he never would. 

But… Coriolanus Snow was a hard man. And when he inevitably left you one fateful night, you tried to forget the tears that stained his pillow, the last remnants of the boy who gave his dying breath in his soul, that cried and screamed for the life he could have had, a life that was taken from him, a life that the world and the man whose presence still inundated the now lonely, deserted room, conspired to end. And as you lay on the empty bed, your own tears mixing with his own as they drenched the fabric you knew you’ll never see again, you couldn’t help but wonder if the man he would become would remember you, and all you shared, or if to him, much like the boy you loved, you were already dead. 

Say you'll remember me Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe Red lips and rosy cheeks Say you'll see me again, even if it's just in your wildest dreams

[undignifiedpopemobile]

my driver hotness rankings

besties and behateds of the jury, this is maybe the most unhinged thing i will ever post but it is my sistine chapel it is my mona lisa. this is to me what citizen kane was to orson welles. i will prove to you today that my driver hotness rankings are objectively correct. i have assembled the evidence i have constructed my argument. (love you ell this one's for you.)

20

nyck (i’m so sorry). look someone has to go last. i am not prejudiced against short kings but it must be acknowledged that in combination with the face he is giving gnome. also i have seen the shirtless pics, and he is more ripped than george for christ’s sake there are so many ridges on his torso. he looks, to steal a phrase from patton oswald, “painful to fuck.” and i don’t have a vibe check on him yet so there is nothing else to compel me (benoit blanc voice) also i am not yet convinced he’s fast, which would increase his standing, because, say it with me, being good at things is hot. check back in after a few races. the thing where they tied him to a wheel rack was funny but not enough.

19

pierre. he’s fooled so many people into thinking he’s attractive with his beard contour and his donald trump ass haircut covering a truly atrocious hairline but there is no force on earth that can cover being a crypto bro. i have known so many and they are, without exception, the worst and more irritating people on the planet. if you own an nft you are not hot. if you TALK about it you are less hot. he has abs or whatever but i honestly think he is too ripped, similar to nyck. and i haven’t even mentioned the fact he’s a pedophile! his narrative used to be compelling to me because he got kicked out of red bull and i love redemption but he is a mid driver and a bitch and christian was right to fire him.

18

lando. this one may be controversial but i’m right and i can prove it: he looks like he’s twelve years old. who am i, pierre? i think the fuck not. admittedly he has nice eyes but he has a very oddly-shaped head. i could snap him like a twig, which looking at my dating history is not necessarily a deal breaker, but it is if he’d whine like a little bitch the whole time. he has never known the touch of a woman and he never will. the vibes are also atrocious: he’s a spoiled brat, and his interests are twitch and golf?????? he might not say racial slurs but he definitely crosses the street if he sees a black man. says he feels “uncomfortable” being around gay men with his shit off. bitch. i must clarify that i don't actually hate him but he has committed the worst crime to me: being a little irritating.

17

checo. people say he looks like tom cruise with a double chin but i just watched top gun and no he fucking does not. he looks more grizzled than fernando but in a haggard way not in a rugged cowboy way and he’s got a dad bod but not in a hot way. and the vibes are fucking off, absolutely swagless. fucking come on he’s had two seasons of getting his ass HANDED to him by max every week. i know it’s hard to be max’s teammate or whatever but i am pointing to him and saying MID. i don’t know anything about him personally except he’s got rich sponsors, he probably cheated on his wife, and he’s a homophobe. however he will move up if he goes full rosberg in 2023 and ruins christian’s life i do not pretend to be unbiased. the thesis of this one is that it is not hot to be boring. but if he becomes interesting i will change my mind.

16

oscar. see lando. he looks like a child! i do not believe he is 21 they are LYING because he's actually 14 and it should be illegal to let him drive. i do not believe he remembers obama’s first election. he’s up higher because i believe he is considerably more attractive than lando he has a sweet honest face i would kiss his little cheeks. but is he hot? ask again in five years. the narrative is also compelling to me because he did said “fuck the french” and that is hot that is HOT, but again, as of yet no vibe check. i see something in his eyes that indicates to me he may win the twink war but until first blood is spilled that is only hypothetical. sorry oscar nothing against you honey.

15

kmag. ok look. maybe i just don’t remember what kmag actually looks like but the picture on the f1 website is not flattering he looks like the stock photo wincing old man. i don’t think he’s unattractive really but i cannot put him above the rest of this list i fear! when he got pole that was really hot but what else is he giving? talking about balls? that wasn’t hot when dan did it and it’s not hot for kmag either. the vibe check should have enough data to produce something but it is coming up empty!!! i just do not know i’m sorry kevin. you do not have the x factor. you are not irritating, but to me, you are boring.

14

estie! you know he was below kmag but today i saw that gifset of him with long hair…. i could fix him (get him a hair stylist) he’s uncomfortably lanky. rat man may be affectionate, but rat man nevertheless. also i played myself by comparing himself to the flushed away rat because now i cannot see him without thinking about that. he’s got a really hot girlfriend which means he’s probably a feminist (will go down on a woman) and i know he doesn’t come from money. both of these things compel me tis true! but they are not enough to overcome the tragic truth that he looks like a cartoon character

13

hulkenberg. look ell i know i said he was conventionally attractive and i stand by that. he IS. but he also looks like a fucking ken doll. he has the GR wax doll disease. he went into the uncanny valley and he fucking founded a city-state there he’s building fucking governance structures and supporting a small private army to defend trade routes. his skin is so like….. tight. uncomfortable. and he is not redeemed by the vibe check. a million fucking races and no podium? and he wasn't only in shit cars! he was supposed to be a world champion coming up through the feeder series and he fell short of his potential. falling short of your potential is narratively compelling, but not in a hot way. i am pressing the big buzzer that says MID. boring.

12

lance. literally forgot about him until i got to number seven and then i was like….. wait a minute wait a fucking minute. he and nando are mirror opposites lance is here purely by virtue of his conventionally attractive little face. i can hear the ghosts of my jewish ancestors telling me to settle down with the nice billionaire jewish boy. but you know what? his voice is fucking irritating as shit and he has the least interesting variety of daddy issues. he’s got no fucking personality and he’s a nepo baby and he’s a mid ass driver and lawrence will not convince me otherwise by holding a gun to nando’s head and making him say shit about how good his stupid little failson is. 

11

NANDOOOOOOO ok i know this one is controversial but i don’t give a shit it’s my list. i know he’s fucking eighty do you think i care? no. i couldn’t give less of a shit what he looks like. all that matters to me is that he wakes up every single day and chooses to be a mischievous little bastard who foments….. something. el plan etc etc. yes he fucking blackmailed mclaren yes he has committed war crimes yes he is a misogynist. what is this twitter? i do not have to be morally correct here. and lest we forget he is in fact a fantastic fucking driver (hot). let the slow dismantling of the stroll dynasty begin. and he has the most important variable in my calculations: he is interesting.

10

guanyu. my problem here is vibe check coming up empty. he’s reasonably good looking, he’s nice, he seems to be in love with val (good taste! see the coffee video) he’s the second most stylish man in the paddock mostly by virtue of the competition being fucking pathetic. he’s a little short but i am not prejudiced against short kings! but personality wise i fear there is not much there although probably this is on me for being a dumb american and not speaking chinese. also he’s like. ungodly rich. like richer than stroll. and the CCP of it all is not beautiful. perhaps most damningly: is he a good driver? i do not know! give him another year, but the jury remains undecided. he is right in the middle but i reserve the right to move him up pending developments

9

logan. you don’t know how much it pains me to put this motherfucker in the top ten. he looks like he was recruited into the us military directly out of high school because he was failing english and knew he couldn’t get into college, but unfortunately he is also objectively very handsome. he’s not higher for obvious reasons (florida. donald trump.) but i cannot put him lower purely off the virtue of his captain america fucking face. fuck him i hope alex makes him cry real tears on track by lapping him in every single race. but he is hot. maybe he'll prove me wrong and he can stay here! but if he brings fucking..... jd vance or whatever as a guest to a gp it's straight to 20 i shit you not.

8

alex. out of all the men on this list alex is probably the one i would most like to date. he’s nice, he’s reasonably charming, he’s a feminist, he’s got the angst of losing that red bull seat without the pierre of it all, he’s got the compelling homoerotic friendship with george but you know what this is not sash’s list of dateable men it is driver hotness and we must acknowledge the fact that he is not particularly good looking! like estie he has a fucking banana nuts hot girlfriend, but facially he is not always giving. he’s cute; he’s not necessarily hot. he’s this high only because i kept bumping him up because i was like “well i can’t put him below fucking LOGAN”. also, while i believe he’s a good driver, is he REALLY good, or just good? beating the shit out of latifi does not convince me of anything! like mick beating the shit out of mazepin it’s pretty much guaranteed to happen.

7

max. ok ell hear me out. right now he is not looking too hot but it's because of the bad haircut and he’s not racing. being good at things, say it with me, is hot and the only thing, the ONLY THING in max’s life is being good at racing. he’s fucking fast. also, he seems like he’s actually kind of a fun guy. when he laughs at his own jokes that is very cute i think. the little eye crinkles. the cheeks. when he’s got his hair grown out a little and a five o’clock shadow going… he can fool me into thinking he’s actually good looking and doesn't a little bit resemble sid the sloth from the ice age movies (sorry. but it's true) and the version of him i have made up in my head and convinced myself is real is extremely fucking compelling!!!! admittedly the kelly dynamic almost knocked him down but it takes two people to make a dynamic and i guarantee you i would not be giving any maternal energy at all. i think i could fix him (introduce him to pegging)

6

yuki. that’s right fuck you. he’s funny as fuck and we could do karaoke together. i would carry him around in my tote bag and he could eat off the children’s menu at restaurants (cost of living is high you save where you can.) he’s giving face and he’s giving body he’s actually so fucking handsome and the reason people are sleeping on how beautiful he is is because of the particularities of anti-asian racism, where “western” people read traditionally east-asian features as unmasculine, and therefore they are either fetishized or dismissed as romantic/sexual partners entirely. well i’m anti-racism bitch! yuki is HOT! also i know he’s not that good at driving or whatever but do you know what’s even hotter than being good at things? not giving a SHIT!!!! yuki is the spiritual successor to kimi raikonnen on this grid i’m fucking right and i’m the only one brave enough to say it. f1 is a hobby for him and he treats the sport exactly as it should be treated (with disdain, like it’s a mild inconvenience or errand on par with vacuuming) maybe this is inconsistent with my "being good at things is hot theory" but you know what? fuck you. it's my list i do what i want. if i contradict myself than i contradict myself

5

george. yeah…… i’m quite frankly a little shocked and upset he’s this high. i know i made this list myself but i’m not keeping track very well in all honesty and i’m about four drinks in. but you know what? i’m not blaming alcohol. this is accurate for my hotness rankings. i’m a bit of a george girl at the moment. every new fact i learn about him makes him more compelling to me. he's the george bit of alex's homoerotic relationship with george! really i only need one story about him to compel me: getting himself into the merc driver program with the power of microsoft powerpoint. he’s the most “he’s just like me fr” driver on the grid for me and i’m a big enough woman to admit that. the version of him i’ve made up inside my head has a personality and you know what? unfortunately for the haters he has proved them all wrong and he’s an excellent fucking driver. i don’t think he’s better than lewis but he stood up to the pressure of that second merc seat fucking fantastically even with his biological father there judging his performance the whole time! and i know he looks a little bit like a robot but it must be admitted! he is attractive! he’s got a great body! idk i’m gaslighting myself i guess it’s my deep-seated american desire to infiltrate the upper classes of england and bring it all down from the inside. but i’m keeping him in spot number five. and fuck anyone who disagrees.

4

valtteri. i mean. other than yuki the closest to kimi we can get on the current grid. lost his merc seat and immediately said “my ass will be fully out for the rest of my life and there is nothing you can do about it” can you imagine the amount of time toto wasted just saying “no valtteri you cannot post hole on instagram”. he’s a feminist he’s an icon! he’s not an outstanding driver but he’s solid! by number of wins currently fourth best cunt on the grid i believe! the mustache! he has alex albon energy in that i would actually date him but i think he’s more attractive. he is the only blond-haired blue-eyed man on the list who does not even a little bit activate the “nazi detector” in my brain which is admittedly a little overactive in the current political climate. i don’t know love isn’t rational. but i love him. i love him, your honor. and you will not convince me otherwise with facts (he's not really objectively all that physically attractive)

3

carlos. look the ferrari boys were pretty close together and ell i know you disagree with me here but ultimately it comes down to one thing i will discuss in the charles ranking and a couple things i will discuss here. yes he’s hot. fucking obviously. it’s barely worth pointing it out he’s outrageously attractive. but as i have said many times hotness is about more than the physical! and the vibe check is mixed. he does have the most compelling flavor of daddy issues (father is loving and supportive but still an unattainable ideal. the closest thing to god on earth for carlos sainz jr is carlos sainz sr and what a terrible legacy that is to bear) but on the other hand golf! and he has a weird and not very sexy voice! and he’s probably violently catholic! and there’s stories about him being kind of a dick to fans! i did not verify either of those things but fuck you this isn't journalism. and, most damningly, i believe that when it comes to driving he is…… FUCKING MID. there i said it. he got lucky his first year with and he’s still in denial about being the second driver to charles leclerc. have you seen the fucking instagram? girl fred vasseur may say he'll let it be decided on track but charles is coming to family dinners in the vasseur household. delusion is not hot unless it’s in a funny way (see: fernando, el plan). and i swear to christ if he messes up even a single race for charles this season because he thinks he’s better i will knock him down to the bottom of his list without remorse.

2

charles. it’s my list fuck you. other than george, charles (the version of him i have made up inside my head) is the most like me on the grid. he is— pause for dramatic effect— fucking COMPELLING. (benoit blanc voice) you know i love a narrative and he’s got a fucking narrative. he plays the piano (hot) he’s got the sexiness of the french language without the lameness of being french (yes i believe monaco is a historical mistake and a geopolitical aberration and should be incorporated into france and all those cunts should pay taxes but objectively monaco is very sexy!!! walt whitman i contain multitudes) and he’s got the catholic guilt of driving for ferrari without the lameness of actual catholicism (looking at you carlos) is he the most interesting bitch in the world? no. but he can hold a conversation, he has more interests than just racing and video games, and he’s much funnier in french, and as these boring ass guys go he’s pretty funny even in english. also, again, takes two to make a dynamic and i am funny enough for any two people on the planet. also, and this must be said, he’s a fucking excellent driver. BEING GOOD AT THINGS IS HOT! AND we have not even mentioned the fact that physically speaking he is what we call a Specimen. he’s got body, he’s got face. i know you don’t think he does ell but with respect you are wrong. he’s got the cheekbones he’s got the nose he’s got the fucking ridiculous shoulder to hip ratio, he’s got the hand porn. he has literal protagonist eye syndrome (they appear to be different colors depending on the lighting) he’s fucking insanely hot.

1

Lewis. I mean it’s just quite literally the only correct answer. he’s giving face, he’s giving body. the tattoos! dan thinks he has cool tattoos but he has pete davidson disease lewis actually has really cool tattoos. but his hotness is literally the least compelling thing about him. he’s multi-talented (music??? so hot) he’s not just a racer, but like, let’s not discount the fact he is the best f1 driver of all time. like i’ve established it’s hot when people are good at things (except golf). he’s not a businessman he’s a business, man. he’s got mad fucking drip. his politics are.............. of mixed quality really but by comparison he's practically bernie sanders. of all the drivers he’s the one i think i could make a socialist if i had a twenty minute conversation with him. i could get him to read marx i could get him to read zizek. not even to mention the compelling fucking narrative of his life. the karting years the brocedes of it all the mclaren civil war he is producing CONTENT. yes he speaks like a motivational poster and the dog account is cringe but the flaws make him human. if he were too perfect he would be less hot. 

this is the judgement of the court

[onlyfridaynights]

i saw a post about snaters hating on snape because the people in the fandom who love him just want to change him and think of him as an absolutely good person. and they told the snaters that no, snape is fundamentally broken and genuinely a huge mess. and i know this is exactly how i percieve draco

i don‘t love draco‘s character just because he has a redemption arc or because of tom felton excellent work. i love draco because he‘s a little broken and unhinged and basically a stubborn selfish prat. i love how he embrace his upbring values and vision of the world until the very last, even when he already knows that it’s not the best way to think. and in fact he changes his opinion at the beginning simply to get out of trouble, but on the way he realises why the side that his family took on the war is not going to win.

his instinct for survival and self-preservation is so great, that he‘s afraid of his principles but never hesitates to do what he’s told. all because he loves his parents, who knows that they‘re "wrong" in the sense of supporting the dark lord. and sixth year? all the mental tumult he goes through is for nothing? the fact that he partially told his problems to myrtle because he didn’t trust anyone else? he receives the dark mark to save narcissa, repairs the cabinet and lets the death eaters into hogwarts and joins umbridge simply to save himself and his family.

the raw desseperation, the anguish, the wrath, the cowardy, his unhappiness, the unhinged efforts, all the uncertainty and being proved wrong by no one but saint potter, who rejected his offer of friendship and provoked years of rivalry with a solid base of jealousy and resentment. at this point i consider his character extremely complex, which obviously makes him interesting to a certain extent. yes, the main villain of the saga if we count that harry never saw old voldy as his true rival. but being a little broken, not looking like a disaster (and failing) while trying to plan a murder and the desire to be someone relevant, no matter how he achieve it is precisely what makes him draco malfoy.

so why would i want to change the way he is simply so that i can like his character? nonsensical.

[batsandbugs]

IKEA GAME VERSE FANCAST

So I got bored... and decided to make a fancast for IKEA Verse, because I might as well. I stuck with Marinette, the boys, and Bruce for right now, until we meet the rest of the crew on screen. Assume Henry Cavil for Superman, Gal Gadot for Wonder Woman, and Michael Cane for Alfred. For most of these, I went off general looks/vibes. This is subject to change if anyone can give me better ideas!

Thaddea Grahm as Marinette (Age 19 in IKEA Game)

This one is based on a total look here. I never really had a fancast for Marinette, so I went and looked at a few others people had done and Thaddea popped up a few times. I love the sass in a lot of her headshots/pictures. She's a little older than I picture Marinette in the Verse - more in her mid 20's than her late teens like how I imagine Marinette, but I can let it slide.

David Mazouz as Damian (Age 19 in IKEA Game)

Young Bruce Wayne from Gotham, as my Damian? It's more likely than you think. I thought he did a great job as young Bruce, and I imagine Damian as like, a younger version of him. Of course, he would play him with a bit more sass and ferocity, but I think the season where Ra's has him hypnotized and nearly brainwashed to kill Alfred (yeah that happened, Gotham was a ride at times) kinda showed what he'd be like as a Damian.

Richard Madden as Dick Grayson (Age 32 in IKEA Game)

I mean, what else can I say, that this picture doesn't. I'm imagining Madden in his Cinderella Era from 2015, just a bit younger, to play Dick here. Give him a gymnast's body too of course, but otherwise, yeah Prince Charming with a bit of sass.

Jensen Ackles as Jason Todd (Age 29 in IKEA Game)

This is the fan cast that starts it all. I loved Jensen voicing Jason a fucking decade ago, and I've never been able to unsee him as Jason ever since. Every fanfic that I read has his voice as Jason. Including my own. I mean, come on look at that badass cosplay! He did that! Of course, this would be Jensen about a decade and a half ago at the end of his 20's for my Jason, but it's my fictional world I can cast who I want to.

Aiden Gallagher as Tim Drake (Age 26 in IKEA Game)

Okay, so I know Aiden is a bit young for this, but I don't care he's my perfect Tim Drake. Have you seen him play 5 in Umbrella Academy? No? Yes? Go watch a clip of 5 being a bit unhinged and asking for coffee, and there you go. That's my gremlin boy Tim Drake!

Tom Ellis as Bruce Wayne (Age 47 in IKEA Verse)

Do I think Ellis could actually pull off Batman? Maybe. Do I think he would give it a shot? Sure. Do I also think he's a dead ringer for David in 20+ years? Absolutely! He also does the sarcastic quipping and banter that my Bruce thrives on, as well as a genuine care for his children, and confusion about relatively day-to-day aspects of being a person because, he's well, a billionaire vigilante!

If anyone has ideas on who to play any others that pop up in my series, do not be afraid to add! I might even add it in as an official headcanon!

[tomarryarchive]

Bottom Voldemort/Tom Masterlist

pearl (ao3) -  asterismal (asterisms)

Status: complete

Summary: Tom takes a deep breath, then lets it out and says, “Be at my place by four.��

“I’ll be there at six.” At Tom’s glare, he shrugs and says, “Quidditch practice. Can’t miss it.”And of course, Tom certainly isn’t going to point out that he’s the best damn seeker in the League, or that he can more than afford to leave practice early one day, because that would mean having to admit he pays attention to Harry’s career. 

So all he does is nod sharply and say, “Fine, but if you show up in that atrocious Muggle-wear of yours, you won't get past the door.”

taking charge (ao3) -  A_Perverted_Romance_Addict

Status: incomplete

Summary: Cedric’s death marked Harry. It made him think. Really think. About life. About death. What it means to live and what is important in life. His priorities change. His perception of the world and people within it changes.

As he evaluates his life until now, he comes to the realisation that his life has never been his own and that he was never truly alive. Determined to change that, he makes a decision; he is going to take his life into his own hands. He is going to be the only one in charge of himself and his happiness. Because he wanted and deserved to be happy. He wanted and deserved to live without people meddling and trying to control him, without trying to hurt him.

He was aware people would be confused. They will have questions. Some will support him, some will absolutely resent him. He still wasn’t sure who will fall into which category, but he honestly didn’t give a damn about it, because almost nobody seemed to give a damn about him either.

cold soul (i want it back) (ao3) -  Kayliana

Status: incomplete

Summary: All was not well. Voldemort survived the final battle and was imprisoned in Azkaban, bound with a magic-restraining collar. Meanwhile, Harry's magic gradually became destabilized by the loss of the Horcrux.Three months after the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry visited his nemesis with the intention of getting the Horcrux back, but he ended up getting much more than he bargained for--namely, the former Dark Lord magically bound as his slave.

the dark lord’s protector (ff.net) -  pikachumomma

Status: complete

Summary:  Even Dark Lords need love and protection

his only one (ff.net) - pikachumomma

Status: complete

Summary:  Voldemort falls asleep waiting for his only one to return home

no one else will do (ff.net) -pikachumomma

Status: complete

Sumarry:  Sequel to His Only One. Punishment is served to those that failed.

if paths diverge (ao3) -  handsonmyheart

WARNING: RAPE/NONCON (not between harry/voldemort)

Status: complete

Summary: During the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry goes into the Forbidden Forest to surrender his life to Voldemort. When the Dark Lord tries to kill him, they both get knocked unconscious. Harry wakes up first and, owing to Dumbledore’s Pensieve trips showing Harry Tom Riddle’s miserable childhood, Harry instead decides to Apparate away and deliver Voldemort to the Ministry to be imprisoned, like Dumbledore did with Grindelwald. The Ministry, however, chooses to execute the Dark Lord.

Twelve years later, Harry is suffering. His magic is unhinged and he doesn’t feel right, but when he stumbles upon a horrific scene in a cell at the Ministry, suddenly he comes back to himself.

Voldemort is being tortured by the Ministry of Magic and no one but his three guards and the Minister knows about his existence. They are keeping his life a secret because they are unable to kill him and his power is such that they know he will not be able to be contained forever.

Harry is left struggling with the many shifting ways to do the right thing and the changing question of: right thing by whom?

[shushiyuii]

Naga tommy pranking his family (who didn’t know he was a nags) with safe noms because he was hungry and completely forgot they didn’t know about him or safe noms, they think some random snake just came and ate them.

I FRIGGING DID IT, I MAY NOT HAVE WIFI BUT I DID IT. Well i may may not have gotten a bit angsty with this one buttt here it is!

Warnings: Vore, Unwilling prey, Angst ( ;3 just read it trust me)

Words: 1.9K+

He slithered throughout the forest, climbing through the trees and branches. Trying to find whatever prey he could as he was starving, it wasn’t an easy task to satisfy a naga’s stomach. Nor was it a simple task.

That was the thing he hated about being a naga, so many struggles such as hiding the fact you were a naga from your family! Which may not have been a smart task, but then again many people were scared of nagas so he’d prefer to keep his secret hidden.

But the thing is, he was absolutely starving and did not want to take whatever food his family had as they were struggling to get food from the recent shortage of food out in the wild, hence why he was struggling himself.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t eaten, he had breakfast with his family but with Naga’s they require a lot more maintenance than other creatures, requiring a lot more food than humans.

He had no idea how he had gotten away with it for so long, he kept up this secret for so long now, years. And not once had he slipped up, his family always thought he was out adventuring out in the forest and by the end of the day would hide his naga features to be found by either Phil, Techno or usually Wilbur.

When he was younger, his mom had raised him for a period, but one day got found by humans. So his mother, took him away to safety and told him this, “Hide from any humans, if you see any. Run.”. That was the last thing she had ever said to him, and he never forgot it.

After that he learnt to be independent and wild with instinct, since it was really the only way he knew to survive. And grew to hate humans.

That was all until he was found by Wilbur. One day who was singing by the roots of a tree, singing a tune when Tommy had spotted him.

He didn’t like the sight of a human but was entranced by the music the human was playing. So, he approached the human and hid his naga like features.

Wilbur looked over when he heard the shuffling of the bushes and saw a little runt boy, “Oh god. What’s a little guy like you doing in the forest?”. Wilbur came closer to help Tommy but he hissed and bit Wilbur, who surprisingly didn’t seem to mind.

“You’re a little odd ball, aren’t you? Don’t worry I’m not gonna hurt you! What’s your name?”.

“T-Tommy.”, “Nice to meet you Tommy, I’m Wilbur!”. Wilbur then took him home, gave him food and was accepted into the family, where he learnt human customs and went out to the forest to let out his wild instincts and couldn’t have it any better than that.

But now, he was starving, and he had no idea how he was going to keep charge of his instincts in check, because who knew what could happen when he lost control.

He remembered when he was younger, he kept conscious through the entire thing but, he didn’t know what would happen now, especially since it’s been years since that time.

But he could barely stop himself from snapping his head towards a slightly moving bush and pouncing on it. That was until he heard voices from a distance, yelling his name. What? What was his family doing here at this time?

He slithered through more trees, quickly seeing his family wondering the forest. “Tommy! Where are you?”, “Where is he?”, “No idea, hope we find him soon”.

Unfortunately for him, he felt his body begin to slowly slither down the tree and couldn’t stop it, Fuck. No. No. No. No.

This couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t, not now, not to his family. Please.

Soon he got to the ground, slithering on the floor just like a snake would, when he turned into a naga he was fairly a lot taller than his family. Which meant a scenario he did not wish to think of.

The family strolled throughout the forest for a while, looking for any sign of their missing relative, “Do you think he head home already?”, “Nah, way too early. He’s always out at this time.”. Techno turned his head as he heard rustle of a bush.

Wilbur turned along side Techno, “Tommy? Is that you?”. He asked, and he question was answered when Tommy pounced out of the bush and onto Wilbur, he wrapped his coils around Wilbur and tightened. Wilbur screamed in fear, which Tommy did not like as it hurt his sensitive ears.

“T-Tommy?!”, he yelped out as Tommy tightened his coils further, he answered with a hiss as he loomed more over Wilbur, “Tommy, mate?” He heard from behind him, Phil, his dad. Who he wanted so badly to hug in his coils and cry but he was way too focused on the prey in his coils, he doubt he could caught the looks of fear from either his and Techno’s faces.

Wilbur looked to Tommy with tears forming in his eyes, who looked to be so tight in his coils, he hated the sight. He never wanted to hurt them. He wanted to comfort Wilbur, let him know it would be okay, but the fact was that he was scared himself.

Techno seemed to snap back into reality as he ran towards Tommy and began to try and pry him off of Wilbur, but much to their dismay. Tommy striked at Techno, who luckily dodged but it didn’t help the face that he almost just bit his brother.

Unfortunately, that’s when he made his move and unhinged his jaw. That was when he placed Wilbur into his mouth, he licked at Wilbur, he hated to admit it, but he loved the taste, it was of a nice cinnamon.

He was terrified when he tilted his head upwards and swallowed. He didn’t want this; he didn’t want to swallow. He tried to take control of himself, but his hunger drove him mad, he could only rely on his animal instincts, not his humanity.

Soon, Wilbur went down his throat and into his secondary stomach. He hated the feeling, usually he’d enjoy it, but it felt so horrible when it was his brother. When he felt Wilbur tucked away his head turned to Phil, who looked horrified with tears in his eyes.

“Tommy, mate. Please. I know you don’t want to do this”. He slowly slithered closer to Phil, Techno following behind. He knew Techno was familiar with snake like behaviour and if he were to make a sudden movement, he’d strike.

He pounced again, coiling tightly around his father, he could feel Wilbur squirm and cry as he did, they were all scared. And just like Wilbur, Phil was swallowed down to join him. Phil was strong and gave a small fight, but it wouldn’t be like the next person.

His head snapped to Techno, his eyes dilated even more. He was going to get a hunt and he was excited about it, but on the inside; he feared what was to come.

Techno ran to get distance, and Tommy followed. He felt his body move slower than it usually would when actually hunting, he was playing with Techno, and he hated it.

Soon enough, he got bored of this game and scared the fuck out of Techno by pouncing on him and coiling tightly. He had never seen Techno so scared. He squirmed in the coils, Tommy struggling to get a good grip, having to tighten his coils so much. He hated how Techno looked as if he could barely breathe.

He loomed over Techno, he wanted so badly to say “I’m sorry” but his mouth wouldn’t move. He couldn’t say goodbye, the last thing he would see of his family was their terrified faces as he swallowed them whole. And then he’d be lonely again.

He felt Techno give a fight as he landed in the first stomach. Afterwards, he slithered under the shade of a tree, feeling his family cry and squirmed. He hated it. But he couldn’t control as he fell asleep, both physically and mentally tired…

…

He woke up, he didn’t feel anymore movements, he didn’t even want to move. He knew what had happened. He had no motivation to eat nor to live, he hated what he had done.

He coiled in on himself slightly, letting out soft sobs which soon turned into full on crying.

…

But his cries stopped as he felt soft movements, rubbing from his second stomach. He shot up, putting a hand to where his secondary stomach was on his tail, “Wilbur?! Dad?!”. There was hope in his voice, and he heard a voice, Wilbur’s. “Toms?”. The voice sounded tired, but no weak.

He hadn’t digested then, he felt the weight from the three of them, it hadn’t changed, they were fine, they were safe, tucked in.

“Oh shit, oh fuck. Are you guys, okay?!”. “Me and dad are fine, just tired.”, he poked at Techno, who groaned. He seemed to be sleeping. “Techno’s sleeping”. He snorted, finally able to have laughed after what had happened. “Typical Techno”, Phil laughed.

Soon there was silence, but not really a bad one as Tommy rubbed his stomach soothingly, hoping to comfort his family, “Toms?” Phil asked. “Yeah Dad?”, he answered. “How come you never told us you were a naga?...”, “I didn’t want to scare any of you”, he huffed, “But look what that lead us to”.

“What happened exactly?”, Wilbur asked , wondering what had happened throughout this whole thing, “Basically as a naga, I need to eat a lot more than you do. I need more food, hence why I go to the forest”.

“And because of the lack of food, you were struggling right?” Added Phil, “Yeah, I lost control. I didn’t mean to scare you guys like that I swear”, he rubbed more at his stomach in an anxious manner. “It’s okay Toms, we kinda just held on. Because we knew it was you and well, in reality you wouldn’t hurt us”.

They were probably right on that part, even with nagas, they were still a family kind of species. Even if they swallowed family, they’d be safe. He saw those three as his family, they were safe.

Tommy felt rubs come from the inside of his stomach, so he stopped himself and leaned, finally getting the comfort he wanted from his family. After a while he asked, “Do you guys wanna come out?”.

Wilbur snorted, “As much as it is warm and comfy in here, it’s tight so, yes please.”. And then he proceeded to let the family out of his stomach, even Techno who was now awake. They all stared at Tommy as he was now in his naga form, they couldn’t really get a good look at it for a while.

He was scared for a minute when he saw Phil’s smile and reached his hands out to his son, his face barely fitting in Phil’s arms, but he managed to give Tommy a kiss on the forehead, which his hair was then ruffled by Wilbur, and got a playful punch from Techno.

The four of them laid there then, Tommy’s head on Phil’s lap as he played with his hair and Techno and Wilbur using him as a jungle gym, he found it offensively funny. He loved his family.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

I read your headcanons about James Potter and I’m really interested to hear your thoughts Sirius and regulus Black pls pls pls

Oh no.

Alright, strap in people, because I’m about to say some things that nobody will like.

Let’s start in alphabetical order with Regulus. 

Fandom often sees Regulus as a reformed Death Eater, the redeemed villain, or else a cooler suaver version of Sirius steeped in pure blood culture, making him more palatable than many pureblood characters as a love interest. There’s a lot of fics of him having almost defeated Voldemort, coming back from the dead and actually defeating Voldemort, reconnecting with Sirius, showing Harry the cool pureblood ways without being racist, etc.

Well, I don’t really buy into any of that.

I think, even with his defection, Regulus was likely still a very racist character and never really disavowed the cause. True, he was young when he was sucked in, he had his whole family meltdown when Sirius was disowned and suddenly he was heir, but I do think he really did believe in blood purism and nothing from the books suggests that he died not believing in it. He just stopped believing in Voldemort.

Instead, I believe he discovered that Voldemort a) did not mean anything good for his culture and b) Voldemort was a fraud.

What do I mean by that?

Well, in the first case, I’ve always viewed Tom Riddle in that period in time as a hate filled nihilist who doesn’t really believe in what he preaches. It’s just convenient to him as the purebloods are the ones with the money and the power. There’s no point in him appealing to Dumbledore’s ilk as they’re far less likely to be able to make him king (also it would mean putting up with Dumbledore and his stupid speeches about love and friendship). Most of Voldemort’s actions throughout the books don’t make the muggle borns’ lives miserable (at least not until he gets into power) but makes hell of the purebloods’ lives and absolutely ruins them. 

The Black family, in particular, he essentially wipes off the face of the Earth. 

With that in mind, I imagine a young Regulus eventually came to realize that Voldemort was systematically destroying the great families from the inside to put himself in power. It was never about the muggleborns or the country, it was only ever about power.

Then we get to the other bit, Voldemort being a fraud. Unlike many, I believe the Death Eaters had no idea who Voldemort was. It’s too unbelievable to me that some guy named Tom Riddle, who their fathers all went to school with, who everyone knew as a muggle born impoverished orphan, could convince them all that he was the next Merlin who they should devote their lives (and their money) to. Tom’s charismatic, but he’s not that charismatic. Better for Tom Riddle to just disappear entirely and show up as the Count of Monte Cristo, descendent of Salazar Slytherin himself, impressing all the young heirs while their young, angry, and stupid. 

With Regulus finding out that his great leader is actually just the halfblood son of a squib, the whole movement falls apart. Regulus is a pawn, fighting for nothing he believes in. Now, that said, I don’t think Regulus ever figured out who exactly, Tom was. He clearly knew the name, as we see from the locket, but just knowing that Riddle is a muggle last name would be enough to know that Voldemort was nothing he presented as.

Basically, Regulus becomes extremely disillusioned with the Death Eaters and Voldemort in a few short years. The change he wanted to see sweeping the country doesn’t happen. Instead the violence, which he was initially very excited for (guys, Regulus did join a domestic terrorist organization and I will not cut him slack for that, he was excited to blow up some muggle borns) is pointless and hurting their own people as opposed to the muggle borns. 

During all of this we have Kreacher borrowed by Voldemort for the creepy horcrux placement. This certainly makes Regulus go “hm” and he’s clever enough to put together on his own that the locket must be a horcrux.

That said, I do not believe he knew enough about Tom Riddle to have been able to hunt down the rest or even know where or what they would be. Dumbledore had been paranoidly collecting memories of Tom Riddle’s entire goddamn life and relying on the plot convenient aspect that Tom was apparently so much of a romantic he never left his horcruxes anywhere but Britain and always left them in very noticeable sentimental objects. Regulus knew about the locket because of Kreacher, had he lived, he’d have no idea where the hell else to start.

So that’s Regulus for you, a fairly intelligent, yet youthfully stupid, extremist whose dream did not live up to the reality and probably still would have spat in Hermione’s face had the gang resurrected him from being a lake zombie.

As for Sirius, well, he’s James the asshole times a thousand to the point where he makes some “ha ha, very funny, but actually really this is horrifying” decisions. 

I guess we’ll start back when he’s young.

We don’t see much of the young Sirius, and granted, what we do directly is given to us by a very bitter, resentful, and biased Severus Snape but his actions still read a lot like pretty much any Stephen King bully villain. The scene where they’re tormenting Snape (and Snape drops the slur, Lily abandoning him) is horrifying to read. And it’s clearly one of many moments over many years of this group of boys sexually harassing him (and yes, that was sexual harassment guys, let’s not pull out stops here).

Then we get to the joke with Lupin that... really wasn’t a joke.

The flimsy excuse we’re given in canon is that a) it was all in good fun b) Snape was so much of a coward he’d never actually go to the Shrieking Shack because he’s a big chicken. Bawk bawk bawk, Snivellus the chicken. But, well, these excuses are flimsy. 

When you get down to the bare bones of it what Sirius did there was attempted murder via his chronically ill best friend. It’s one of those actions that I simply cannot justify, even had Sirius not thought it all the way through, as boys will be boys. What was the good outcome there? Snape sees Lupin and shrieks in terror? (Only to probably run to some authority and try to get the uncontrolled werewolf the fuck off of campus, nice going Sirius) Snape gets infected with lycanthropy? Snape dies, Lupin wakes up covered in blood with the horror of knowing he ate a classmate? 

Later, we do get Sirius sort of apologizing for his behavior. But it’s at best a ‘sort of’ apology. He never admits the full horror of what he did, just how relentlessly brutal he was to Snape, or what the werewolf thing really would have ended in. Instead he goes, “yeah, James and I were kind of assholes. He grew up though, Lily married him so he couldn’t be an ass anymore! And it was Snape, Come on, Harry, it was Snape.” And Harry, messed up asshole that he himself is goes, “Yeah, it was Snape! Stupid Snape!”

I also never got the feeling he ever fully apologized to Remus. Sirius used Remus in the worst of ways, made it clear he had no respect for Remus and no compassion for his condition, and continues to treat him as a sort of secondary friend to James. I think it says a lot that Remus was able and willing to believe Sirius was guilty of murdering James and Lily in cold blood. 

Which probably gives you a hint that I think Remus/Sirius would never happen except in the most toxic of ways possible.

Basically, in a fair world, Sirius should have been expelled if not tried for the werewolf incident. However, Dumbledore plays favorites and chose the sons of two lords as opposed to the poor half blood (which I imagine cemented Snape’s path to becoming a Death Eater). And so there is some cruel irony in that Sirius was eventually jailed for something, even though it was something he didn’t do.

Now, after Azkaban, Sirius seems to have mellowed out a lot. While he’s a bit unhinged and thoughtless (his rescue attempt of Harry’s rescue attempt at the end of Order of the Phoenix) a lot of this can be seen as after effects of his stay in literally hell on Earth for over ten years. 

That said, a lot of people see him as the cool uncle character who, if Harry had been able to live with him, all would have been well. I firmly disagree. Young Sirius was, well, god knows how warped Harry would have been growing up with a young and reckless Sirius Black. After prison he’s in no condition to take care of Harry, and even says as much multiple times. Sirius is cool to hang around at a distance, but up close and personal he’d be very messed up and not at all ready to be a father to a teenage boy. 

Otherwise, Sirius was very very very gay for James Potter. Unfortunately for him, James Potter was straight and into Lily Evans. I’m sure it was a very sad day for Sirius when Lily actually said yes to James. Except not really, because James always strikes me as a “bros before hos” kind of dude. Not that I’m sure if Sirius ever admitted he was gay and in love with James, I’ve always been of the belief that pureblood culture is extremely homophobic and it just... wouldn’t come up. 

So there it is, now excuse me while I go hide behind this barrier before I get eaten alive.

[lokislittlesigyn]

// loki spoilers

This is basically a huge infodump on my thoughts about the first episode, because I doubt y’all want to sift through my trauma-ridden ramblings. I’ll make another post for the rest. This is just everything not related to the IW stuff/my reaction to that. It’s general thoughts, theories, musings.

1. When Loki gets first taken into the TVA. Is that Peggy Carter in the background? Others have suggested it might be. What would that mean??? Will we see the TVA fix the mess the Russos made with Steve/Peggy (not likely) or is it just a lookalike? Who knows..

2. A skrull at the main intake desk! Idk not super relevant just interesting!

3. I’m kind of glad they changed the... uncomfortable scene... with the robot burning his clothes off. He gets more time to react to seeing the machine itself, and he seems more shocked (”Now.. H-hang on just a minute.”) than angry (”Now hang on just a minute!”) i still feel.. horrible for him, i’m glad nobody Saw him and that the machine didn’t grab the clothes off, but still. Ehhh.. uncomfortable.

He is beautiful though, don’t get me wrong - I’d just prefer a shirtless Loki scene where he wants to be shirtless? let him do what he wants with his body?? he’s probably felt so out of control of his body, from being jotun to falling through space that any invasion of privacy like that hits extra deep...

That being said, I recognize the utility of the scene for the narrative - his lack of control, his literally being stripped of what he was before.

4. WHO IS THE MAN WITH THE CAT. What is his name. I love that he has a mug with his cat on it. But I want to know more. Who is he?

4.1 WHY DIDNT YOU LET LOKI PET THE CAT Please,,, I am begging you,,, let loki pet the cat and have something react kindly to him and purr all happily at his scratching behind their ears plea s e

5. The info sheet. Now this is just a little nitpicky tidbit, but in a previous promo they listed Loki’s height as 6′4 ft and weight as 525 lbs. This is taken directly from the comics if I’m not mistaken. However, in the actual show he’s listed as  6′2 (Tom’s height and Loki’s presumed height) but I don’t remember if his weight is the same. Is Loki 6′2? 6′4? please let me know i want to know how smol i am in comparison

6. His little aggressive shaking of the ticket at the guard makes me giggle each time.

7. The fact the turnstile hits so low on him reminds me,, I am short compared to him. Those things hit my stomach/waist. That one hit his legs. I am once again asking Loki to pick me up.

8. The cartoon with Miss Minutes introducing the TVA is wonderful, I love the art style especially. But it raises questions about Variants... I guess Variants can just, pop out of nowhere? Any action could be the wrong one? And then once you commit the wrong action you either get returned or pruned? Yikes??? And THIS ties into another thing later!

9. The trial scene. I have a hunch - a feeling, a suspicion. That one of three things may be true.

A. The Time-Keepers never actually existed. They’re fabricated, and now whoever runs the TVA is actually using the excuse of “The Time-Keepers decree it so!!!” to carry out whatever They think is right. The fact we haven’t seen the Time-Keepers makes me.. suspicious...

B. The Time-Keepers existed, but they have since passed on, however that may have happened. Now someone is doing the same as above, using the excuse of the Time-Keepers apparent dictations to run things.

C. The Time-Keepers do exist, and do run the timeline/TVA, but maybe they’re not infallible? Maybe the TVA info video is lying or incomplete in some way? Idk I just feel like, something about the TVA and how they run things has to be wrong. It has to? Something is off. Again, this will tie into another thought later...

I have no idea if any of these are actually true! But Loki’s questions of “Who’s in charge here? What do they do? What do you do?” punctuated by laughter leads me to believe he’s suspecting something too, or perhaps just trying to figure this mess out.

10. Seiðr/Magic. We see in this scene, Loki’s magic (”powers”) don’t work in the TVA. (and a quick side note, did he have to Flex like that? do you have to make me see Loki’s bare arms Flex like that? be still my heart. anyway please get that collar off of him and let him rest for five minutes) This makes me wonder.. Why isn’t Loki in his Jotun form? His pale skin and blue eyes are decided by magic, are they not? I suppose this is 2012, so perhaps Odin’s magic is keeping Loki looking like that. But if magic doesn’t work in the TVA, why would his spell reach so far? Clearly Loki’s magic isn’t what’s doing it. How is Loki not appearing as a Jotun? Is his Jotun form repressed - is pale skin his default now, rather than something hidden by magic? I need answers!

11. he sounds so scared about being “reset” please dont hurt him,,

12. cALLING LOKI A PUSSYCAT? (lokitty confirmed) I think Mobius was goading him (Mobius strikes me.. As extremely clever. He’s trying to push Loki’s buttons to see who he’s dealing with. At least, I hope so. Because if he really meant that “You were born to cause pain and suffering and death... All so that others can achieve the best versions of themselves.” and that line about killing Frigga??? No no no he is not guilty. He had no way of knowing what would happen. It wasn’t right to send Algrim up to Asgard (i think algrim wouldve found the way up anyway) but there was no intent to hurt Frigga. I really hope you’re trying to goad him, Mobius, because if you believe that I trust you much less. anyway i digress) but wow is he pushing Loki’s buttons a lot. I can’t... Blame him entirely, I understand he’s trying to make sure Loki’s on his side, maybe I’m just too soft for Loki idk. But some of that was very cruel to say. /:

12.1 AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT MOBIUS. That scene with the girl in the church?? Did that little girl kill the men? Is that young Sylvie? Or is she using an illusion to make herself look young and innocent? What’s going on!!!!

13. LOKI SNATCHING THE LITTLE TIME-TWISTER DEVICE AND STOWING IT IN HIS POCKET.... POCKET....... sorry sometimes i get so caught up about loki that i just say random words in between little noises and squeals,,, i am a silly thing

14. CASEY. CASEY??? That whole exchange is funny. Poor Loki, just trying to intimidate this guy so he can escape but - Casey doesn’t know what a fish is. to be fair.... thor doesn’t seem to know what a raccoon is... right?

15. That bit with the infinity stones is kind of funny until you realize

A. Natasha died for a paperweight

B. Tony died from paperweights

C. Loki was tortured for paperweights

D. Oh, and Gamora died for a paperweight too. And Vision. Need I go on?

Then it becomes less of exclusively “haha funny” and now it’s a mix of funny and pain and gosh, is that a good way to sum up being a Marvel/Loki fan sometimes...

16. Loki gazing at the timeline all “Is this the most powerful thing in the universe?” or something, i’m sorry i don’t remember exactly... made me think of a meme and i shall make it presently.

17. I love that Loki got to see examples of how his family loves him but the fact he’s all “I can’t go back.” really just breaks me. It’s like he can finally see they love him after all of this mess, and now he doesn’t have the chance. Please, please let him be happy. Give him some relief. This is the Loki that just came off finding out about being Jotun, falling from the Bifrost, encountering Thanos, attacking Earth, facing defeat, and now he’s being thrashed around in this wild place and has just found out he inadvertently caused Frigga’s death (he did not kill her: his actions, by mistake, lead to her murder, let me be very clear) AND Odin will die AND all the rest... And he wants to be with them.

18. Loki’s reaction to Thor suggesting the hug makes me soft. Please I want to hug this little mischief man so so so bad-

19. Skipping over the iw parts! That’s for another post because this one will be grossly long anyway.

20. “I don’t enjoy hurting people.” and “It's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate play for control.” was all so, so validating. I’ve been trying to argue on Loki’s behalf for almost a solid decade. Seeing the show recognize that Loki’s not all just violence and hurting for “fun”, that he’s not unhinged and bloodthirsty.. Is so nice. It’s just so, so comforting. and it gives me hope for future episodes that they won’t go the route of “oh haha loki bullied and mistreated and stabbed thor for years!!! :)” loki cries during basically every fight with Thor and you want me to believe he stabs Thor for fun? absolutely not.

21. Theory.. Just another hunch.. So we know a fugitive variant, aka Loki, is running amok. Refer back to 8 and 9.C. What if the Time-Keepers never actually fixed the timeline into a single timeline? What if there are other timelines, and these different Loki variants have hopped over to the current one? Or, maybe the Time-Keepers did fix the timeline into a single one, and these Lokis are remnants from that huge time-war at the beginning? Time runs differently in relative spaces, they may have Just Left that war from their perspective!

I say Lokis and not Loki because we’re pretty sure there’s Female/Lady Loki, Old Man/King Loki, and possibly Young/Kid Loki. That’s at least three. From the peeks of Asgard and NYC we’ve seen from the trailers, I think we’re also getting an Asgardian King!Loki and Midgardian King/Vote!Loki. (unless our dearest variant is hopping into timelines and situating into them, but I doubt Mobius would let that happen..?) That’s five.

To further support this, keep in mind, I believe recently six (i think 6 regular and 6 rare...) different funko pops were announced for the series? I’m not sure if they’re in addition to the Loki and Mobius already released. If they are, there’s enough room for each Loki and maybe a TVA agent. One of the pops is supposed to have a buddy/companion I think? Maybe they’re making the cat guy into one, or maybe there’s something else (Throg, anyone?).

22. That is totally Lady Loki/Sylvie at the end by the way. Has to be. But why does she want the reset devices? Why did she snatch that TVA Hunter? Again, WHAT’S GOING ON

ANYWAY this was a very long post if you made it this far, I commend you.

[freifraufischer]

An interesting sports/politics observation:  

I’ve been following the dumpster fire at USAG for quite some time now and became deeply interested in following the sport of gymnastics in more than a 4 year fan way around the time that the Larry Nassar scandal broke.  

The post mortem on the US women’s gymnastics team results in Tokyo was honestly starting around Olympic trials in June.  The US women have never traveled much internationally for decades so they compete less than other international gymnasts.  The argument has been that the travel takes away from valuable training time.  What was little became none because of COVID and the bankruptcy filing of USAG to deal with the lawsuits arising from the abuse scandal.  

It was known that the US women were also being domestically over scored by judges at home.  Domestic overscoring is not unique to the US but most countries that have it also complete internationally so their athletes have a real sense of how international judges will evaluate their routines.  There have been alarm bells for at least three years that the US women were not going to get credit for elements and face deductions in international competition that they weren’t facing at home.  Just this year one of them was literally used in a pictorial example of a international judging document for something that should be deducted--the fact that current athletes are used this way is a whole other horrible kettle of fish.  I should add that the discovery that routines that were being scored highly in the US would fail at the olympics isn’t even new.  Famously the reigning world champion missed out on the all around final at the 2012 games because she wasn’t given credit for connections and series that were overlooked at home.

Now the job of bringing domestic meet scoring into line is on the national team staff and the job of advising and strategizing is that of the “High Performance Director” for the women’s program.  This is the job that was held (under the title National Team Coordinator) by Martha Karolyi with an iron fist before 2016.  She was replaced (after fits and starts) by a man named Tom Forrester.  Forrester’s defining qualities for the job have been that he is nice.  Literally the bar was that low.  He has demonstrated a rather alarming lack of knowledge about what international judges deduct for (after Junior World Championships he expressed surprise that they deducted for dance elements--something that happened again in Tokyo to US gymnasts), did not understand the Olympic selection criteria for individuals, and appeared to have a very very faulty understanding of the rights of athletes with an ongoing abuse complaint (more on that later).

He was relatively removed from the culture of high level elite coaching for the last few decades and the athletes considered him nice.  The last time he had been deeply involved in senior US gymnastics politics was the mid 1990s when several of his gymnasts were passed over for the 1996 Olympic Team because injured athletes were petitioned on to the team over those that competed at trials.  Mind you this was a time when the Olympic team had 7 members and the people petitioned on were the 1992 Olympic Silver Medalist Shannon Miller and 1995 National Champion Dominique Moceanu.  It would have been literally insane not to have them on the Olympic team.  But it has become apparent that Tom Forrester felt a great injustice was done to his athletes and the the worst part of US gymnastics team management was that Martha Karolyi picked favorites.  

This year he denied the petition of a former world champion to Olympic trials (she likely wouldn’t have made the team but her exclusion is... questionable) and after the fact justified it by saying she had failed to meet a criteria for the petition that he never told her existed.  At trials the team was chosen (by a committee that he had essentially full control over) took the top all around finishers in order of how they did at trials (as he would have liked them to have done in 1996).  This was in willful defiance that the format of the olympics now demands not all arounders but strategic use of team building for the best score possible.  The US did not bring the highest potential scoring team to the olympics because of one man’s wounded pride from 25 years ago.

And before you might be tempted to tell yourself he did this because he wanted to support the athletes let me tell you about the fact that he allowed a coach that was under investigation for abuse to come to a camp where one of the athletes that had filed the complaint against her was also in attendance.  His wife, who has a history of unhinged social media rants, claimed he didn’t have the authority to send home an athletes chosen coach.  In reality Louie Hernandez had the legal right not to have to be there with her.  That coach would later be banned for longer than anyone else has ever been banned in USAG history.

So in June anyone following the details of this knew that Tom’s strategy was entirely “we have Simone and so we will win.”  Because that kind of pressure and stress couldn’t possibly have any terrible consequences on an athlete.  Spoiler:  It did.  

People within the sport were warning about this before Simone Biles lost herself in the air during that vault in Tokyo.  The fact that we were all lucky not to watch one of the greatest athletes of a generation break her neck can not be overstated.  It was so scary that one of the most famously bitter angry and terrible human beings of Gymnastics that has been saying awful things about Biles for years kept telling Russian media that she made the right decision to pull out.  That was pigs flying territory.

Forrester left the athletes to face the press alone after the final.

So with that backdrop I want to give this observation:  Dominque Moceanu, an olympic gold medalist who has an abuse story so horrific with villains so cartonishly evil that if it was written as fiction the author would be told it was over the top, wrote a book about the culture of abuse in in the sport and USAG in 2008.  She was called insane, living on another planet, and apparently sent hundreds of emails by those within the sport that she was ungrateful for what her abusers had done for her (emails that she has apparently kept and I’m telling you I’d love to read more then the few I’ve seen).  Moceanu was a figure out of greek legend, Cassandra doomed to tell the truth and be called mad (and attention seeking).  In light of the fall of the Karolyis and the Nassar scandal Moceanu has become a more respected figure as someone that has been speaking out about abuse for a long time.  She has also been someone that other victims went to over the decades to talk to before they could come forward.  A weight that no one should have to bear.  

I had been joking that the only way people would start to trust USAG was honestly trying to reform was if they put someone like Moceanu in charge (Aly Raisman’s name is floated but even she points out that she’s not qualified).  Moceanu is.  But the old guard of the sport have spent two decades telling people that Moceanu is crazy.  I didn’t think she’d take the job and I didn’t think USAG would ever hire her.

But here is the interesting thing .... her social media presence radically changed character in the last three months.  Starting around the time of US Nationals and continuing though trials and the olympics between posts supporting team USA athletes and raising a voice to support Simone Biles and the need for a cultural change in the sport were digs at Tom Forrester and about the need for transparency in that job.  

And this:  “Would someone be kind enough to notify me if the U.S. women’s high performance coordinator position opens up? Asking for a friend.”  (x)  At the same time (literally the same day as one of those tweets) she launched a youtube channel that is essentially a political fluff piece about her as a change agent in gymnastics coaching.

She’s auditioning for that job.

There are a bunch of other interesting elements of her online behavior and some other telling notes about things she’s said ... but it’s interesting to notice something like that unfold.

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 6 of Season 1

“The Day That Wasn’t”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it’s funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

| 1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 | 1x05 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ Klaus is lucky that he never got the briefcase shot up

☂ *Hears Klaus flush the toilet and talk* Luther: Oh good, you’re up

☂ Also Luther gave Klaus about two seconds to get up before hounding him again on getting downstairs

☂ Sounds like Tom’s accent slipped a little bit when he said “three days”

☂ Yeah they needed to have a family meeting right away and yet they took the time to go get coffee or at least order it and have it delivered

☂ “Old bastard” and “Our little psycho” 

☂ I still don’t get at this point how they wouldn’t believe Five. Look at him, he himself is evidence of his time traveling! He was gone for 45 years, but to them it was only 17. Either way they try to grasp at that, Five would look older if he made it back without messing up. He knew about their father’s death without anyone telling him. I really think all the mistrust comes from the way he looks and the way he acts (they obviously believe he’s just crazy right now)

☂ “What did Five even see?”

☂ Also throw back to 1x02 and I didn’t realized this until now but Five doesn’t have his tie

☂ I know it’s for the title card gag but no one questions the random umbrella falling and popping open

☂ I aspire to be as sarcastic as Hazel

☂ So where exactly is The Commission HQ at? Is it a random location in the real world? If so then wouldn’t normal people happen to stumble upon it? What about their location in space in the comics? Is this in space?? All we know is that it’s in/based off of the year 1955

☂ “I’d like to discuss the logistics of my family’s safety at your earliest convenience.” He cuts right to what’s most important to him. No “How will you stop the apocalypse?” or “What’s my job?” and even “How will my body replacement work?”

☂ Five sounds almost like he’s snapped back into a work mindset. He's suddenly polite and calm with The Handler. Maybe being back in a work environment has made his brain automatically switch into being more professional. However he might also be acting this way to try to throw her off of him being antsy with a plan

☂ Here's some Commission posters shown throughout 1x06

☂ One of us, one of us, one of us-

☂ So basically The Commission makes up history? How do they know what to do and when to make something happen? How do they know it’s right? And what’s The Commission supposed to do when the world ends? Haven't they already fixed stuff in the past or are there just continuous time loops so they need to make sure things happen over and over again? If multiple historical events happen with multiple ways they are made, then which one gets to be in the original timeline??

☂ Dot: No hard feelings! 😁

Ma’am does it look like he’s going to accept that

☂ Wait why are Hazel and Cha-Cha considered the best Temporal Assassins if Five was/is the best?

☂ Well Five has the job of taking down the Hindenburg again but this time from behind a desk. So it’s possible to accomplish “corrections” without actually having assassins do the work. So I guess there’s just so many timelines that they need to fix every single one of them over and over? That sounds like a pain in the ass

☂ TUA portraits!

☂ Y’know I have to agree with Allison on this one. Vanya was left out, however she’s offering to talk with her about the important family matter and Vanya is just denying it. I get she’s upset, but her sister is offering to include her. After Vanya leaves Allison immediately wants to go after her to talk with her. On the other hand Allison should have told her it was an emergency meeting and that they didn’t have the time to ask Vanya to join them

☂ Klaus seems genuinely concerned/upset for Vanya

☂ “We need to figure out what causes the apocalypse. Now, there are loads of possibilities. Nuclear war, asteroids.” Wow spot on, Luther! I can’t believe they actually included foreshadowing for both apocalypses (even though technically it was a chunk of the moon, not an asteroid.) I wonder how much foreshadowing for S3 was put into S2.......

☂ I know it’s big joke about Luther and the moon, but the poor guy just really believes that he was on the moon for an important reason. I mean if I were in his shoes I would believe him too since he had to send a lot of daily updates and samples

☂ “Klaus shockingly has a point. What gives us a win this time?” Shhhh careful Diego, he’s right behind you

☂ Luther is initially the only one onboard with Five on trying to stop the apocalypse. All the others want to go off and do their own thing before the world ends. He tries to get The Umbrella Academy back together to work as a team, but his leadership skills are now severely lacking. Do people *cough cough* mainly people who hate him *cough cough* overlook Luther wanting to also get his family together to stop the apocalypse with his family? Definitely. 

☂ “We need the full force of the Academy to stand a chance.” Well golly gee, Allison, what did did Luther just try to do? Was that not him trying to round up all of The Umbrella Academy to stop the apocalypse? 

☂ Even though Vanya is ranting, how does she not hear all the creaking metal and shaking cars?

☂ *it’s sunny around them but just the block they’re walking on is rainy until she calms down* “ThAt’S a CoInCiDeNcE.” 

☂ The hall floor and Diego’s floor are so dusty

☂ It’s sweet that Diego wants Klaus to get clean in a safe way instead of going cold turkey 

☂ Dot, what does “utter silence” mean to you?

☂ “Look at you, deadly little thing.” You’re not wrong, but I don’t think he appreciates being called “thing”

☂ Such a smug smile

☂ So how does Five know all of this about Karl and his son? Does it talk about Otto never washing his hands in the file? That seems like an oddly specific detail but I guess in a case file it gives as many details as possible for the worker to figure out who needs to get assassinated

☂ There are a few cog references all relating to The Commission, so I wonder if this is a nod to “Teenagers” or if they’re just using this terminology

☂ Odd tattoos (sorry for the super blurry pic)

☂ “Can I ask you a cuckoo bananas question?” Hazel is such a fun guy

☂ “Wouldn’t it be nice to kill who you want for a change?” You mean like straight up unhinged murder? 

☂ The first time I watched this Hazel and Cha-Cha scene I for sure thought that Hazel was a dead man

☂ This scene just absolutely breaks my heart 💔

☂ *skips 25:24-27:42*

☂ Diego is just so accepting to everything Klaus is saying

☂ I’m sorry, are we suddenly on the set of The Phantom of the Opera?

☂ Diego, I think you’re forgetting a very important person in your life who you let down too who is also dead......(poor Ben can’t believe what his brother just said so he leaves)

☂ “Ordinary is not a word I’d use to describe you.” You’re right, it’s “Extra Ordinary” ha! Sorry Vanya, I had to use that joke

☂ Well at least we know Five ate a sandwich 

☂ How exciting! The same division that made a simple candy taste like a candy from the past, but technically it’s not the past since The Commission HQ is based in 1955, is building a human body! That sounds so promising 

☂ Sooooo whatever happened to Five’s new body? Is it just sitting in a lab somewhere?? Or is The Handler just lying about it to try to get Five to stay at The Commission?

☂ With the amount of time Five was staring at the suit, it obviously hurt him to know that while he has a new body within reach, he’s not going to get it because he’s about to leave

☂ “Course it’s a bit easier to see from 30,000 feet.” What is she talking about Reconnaissance aircraft? There was no mention of aircraft though so why would she bring that up? My closest guess is that she’s referring to strategic bombing in general, or even the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki

☂ It sounds like Five suddenly has a New York accent when he says “operator” when talking to The Handler about Gloria

☂ Fuck you, Veggie Tales Hargreeves

☂ *skips 36:47-39:48*

☂ Well there’s your hit, Klaus

☂ I love the camera moving with Klaus as he falls and the transition into Vietnam

☂ “Lock and load, Charlie’s away!” Wikipedia’s definition of a “Charlie” is  an American military slang referring to the Viiet Cong and North Vietnamese soldiers

☂ Klaus desperately calling out for a medic hurts my heart

☂ Well Luther if you had left then your body wouldn’t be the way it is now

☂ *fucking skips 45:41-50:00* 

☂ Ooooh I just really love the entirety of the “Kill Of The Night” scene! If you listen to the lyrics it’s about someone luring someone into a trap to get revenge because they messed with the wrong person (it’s also about love but we’re going to ignore that part). I personally believe it’s aimed at The Commission from Five because the entire time it plays he’s messing things up for them and in some way it’s like a little bit of revenge from him

☂ Why is Gloria confused on who Hazel and Cha-Cha are? Hasn’t she heard their names a ton of times especially since they’re some of the best assassins?

☂ How did Five know which tubes to put the messages in? 

☂ You can see at this part how Five immediately gets anxious and antsy. He has a wild look in his eyes. From this point onwards he’s constantly moving, shaking with energy, anticipation, and probably a little bit of anger

☂ “You’re a great disappointment to me.” That’s definitely not the first time he’s heard that

☂ “I don’t belong anywhere thanks to you. You made me a killer!” The first part of that stings. Obviously he feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere, but again I think has to do with the whole “good” and “bad” thing that’s going on. He feels like he doesn’t belong at home because he’s “bad” and has done a lot of dark stuff to get home (it doesn’t help that Luther voiced his acknowledgment of this  to Five and now he has that in his mind that Luther knows and somewhat views him as “bad”). Five 100% feels shame in what he has done, and definitely has an issue of coming back to his family with blood on his hands form what he has done. He doesn’t belong in The Commission anymore because he doesn’t want to stay there to do their dirty work to kill or give out kill orders. He’s done with that or at least wants to be done with that life.

The last statement though is Five taking his anger and guilt about being becoming an assassin out on The Handler. She brought him into The Commission, which in turn he became the best assassin across The Space-Time Continuum. It’s not something he’s proud of, and he never enjoyed killing (as much as I want it to be the DNA alteration I just don’t think it exists in the show or at least not yet). However The Handler replies with “You were always a killer. I just pointed you in a direction.” which you can immediately tell has struck a chord with Five. For the briefest second he looks taken aback and his eyes ever so slightly open wider in shock, whether he took that as the truth or just a terrible accusation isn’t exactly clear. Either way he doesn’t like being accused or hearing the truth out loud of always being able to be murderous, a killer. 

I believe it’s a mixture of The Handler just trying to get into his head and a combination of the truth. Reginald trained The Umbrella Academy to use brute force, but that doesn’t mean Five had killed anyone but he was definitely violent when it came to stopping bad guys (not to mention in the pilot script he was called a “Ruthless little war machine” after violently attacking and decapitating a bunch of mannequins)

☂ Diego: I’m going to go kill Hazel and Cha-Cha!........Riiiiight after I get done walking with my mom in the park

☂ He’s so happy to see Klaus again 

☂ ✨Gremlin✨

☂ Who exactly does Five owe a debt to? Maybe his family after accidentally leaving them and now he wants to save them? Or is it a singular person?  

☂ Ouch! Now that’s what I call a problem later!

☂ 

☂ Five using “Ya’ll” is weird to hear

☂ Five is talking to his siblings like he knows what’s been happening but in reality he’s rarely been at home so how would he know

☂ I love that Five doesn't even answer Diego at the end and instead just stares at his siblings 

☂☂☂☂☂☂☂

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

[marnie1964]

Karate Kid/Cobra Kai survey

i'm gonna consider myself tagged

It’s the year 2021 and you’re obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?: an unexpected turn of events but it's passing the quarantine, i guess!

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?:  to be completely honest, i don't really like the movies? i didn't vibe with them as a kid and when i went back and tried to watch them this year i couldn't make it all the way through.* i think they're well crafted movies, but i've never liked relatable young boy wish fulfillment (i couldn't even get thru harry potter as a kid), and i think the first one is guilty of burying the lede twice over with regards to mr. miyagi and later the relationship between kreese and johnny. and lucky me--these are exactly the areas that cobra kai delivers on.

*except for the third one, which imo is a camp masterpiece and also genuinely heartbreaking. it's the only one that allows daniel to be an genuine pain in the ass. i think i've finally figured out what the target audience for cobra kai is: people who's favorite karate kid movie was tkk3 (me).

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character: johnny! what is a man but a miserable pile of bruce springsteen lyrics? or aimee mann lyrics? or mountain goats lyrics? or otis redding lyrics? or--fuck, have americans ever written songs about anyone else? i have an unreal amount of good will towards this man and his late-life struggle for recuperation. he's the heart of the show both in terms of his relationships with other characters and in terms of zabka's chemistry with the other actors.

my deep dark double secret fave is kreese. he makes me feel real anger in a way that's usually reserved for characters in vince gilligan shows. i'm a bit obsessed with him and his preoccupation with johnny and later johnny's teenaged son (I Have Thoughts). the show does a great job of making what he did to johnny--and all the years and years and years of fallout from that--feel really real, which makes him one of the most viscerally despicable villains i've ever come across . it's unironically among the best portrayals of domestic abuse i've seen, may god have mercy on our souls. the decision to pop out from behind a fucking cardboard cutout of himself to scare daniel in tkk3 was also a hilarious galaxy brain move. aspirational stuff.

also--shout out to daniel-san. the writers really had to work their asses off to make him into a character that appeals to me, and i think they did a great job of it. he's a cringey tool who's capable of displaying a surprising amount of integrity under the right circumstances! he's tom wambsgans! he's pete campbell! he's wonderful i love him!

Favorite ship:  johnny & daniel (what if mysterious skin was a sports comedy??)

Underrated character: the True and Correct answer to this question can only be aisha, although i don't think she was actually underrated by anyone besides the writers. chozen is also lowkey my favorite katate child because c'mon, he had everything (spear fights! ziplines! teen death matches! formfitting disco-era polyester button down shirts worn with gold chains!)

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  uhhhh... the only teen couple that could have been interesting is tory/aisha. they were cute together and their friendship rang true to me. it's that thing where you're the new girl and you're conventionally attractive, but on the inside you know you're a freak so you immediately gravitate towards the most obvious female outsider. i lived it, bay-bey!

i also think there are interesting things to explore with carmen and johnny's relationship. i don't know if the writers are even aware of it (i lean towards no b/c men amirite) but the entire premise of carmen's character is that she chose to live in poverty to protect herself and her son from a bad man with power. she's thereby the exact opposite of johnny's mother, who (at least by his understanding) married hollywood film producer shmarvey shmeinstein to provide her son with a better life. so, there's a lot to unpack in his attraction to her. also they're super hot hur hur i like sexy nurse thing hur hur.

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?: i can't look directly at it, but sweep the leg. zabka what the fuck man.

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?:  i don't think i've seen anyone mention this one yet, but the football jersey with the sweatpants. it makes him look so small and huggable, i wanna pick him up and set him on my shelf or something.

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver: bring back ali's lesbian girl gang!!! or else--dutch. he was funny and iconic, i loved his exaggerated offended reaction to everything daniel said or did in tkk. also, i'm tacky so i'm a sucker for aggressively bleach blonde hair. the SCANDALIZED wasp couple standing behind ali and johnny in the spaghetti scene will also do. or terry's secretary (an mvp--i believe the original actress has passed away so in my heart of hearts she's portrayed by j. smith-cameron).

Scene that lives in your head rent-free: the whole character development speed run that johnny does from sweep the leg to crying while handing daniel the trophy to getting strangled in the parking lot by his beloved teacher. i'm especially transfixed by that last bit--what's the thought process of a man who decides to publicly execute his teenage student via strangulation? why did none of the many bystanders call the police? johnny is the real kitty genovese, prison for everyone.

from the cobra kai series proper: daniel's decision to greet johnny with a big hug after not seeing him for 35 years and never actually being friends with him (I Have Thoughts), the heinously creepy scene where johnny is repeating the cobra kai mantra for miguel and his entire disposition completely changes (demonic possession shit), and johnny's tiny go-ahead-and-kill-my-abuser nod (his face is so stoney after being so animated at dinner) coupled with daniel's shaky little sign of relief (macchio is really the cutest when he looks scared).

it goes without saying that every johnny & miguel scene lives rent free in my HEART.

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?: anthony becomes relevant for one (1) episode next season when amanda and daniel finally get around to putting him up for adoption.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war.  Which dojo do you join?:  i enter the cobra kai dojo decked out in all of my snake-themed clothing and jewelry (it's a lot). i approach kreese and explain to him that the open mouth of a snake, viewed head-on, is a yonic symbol. i am permanently banned from the cobra kai dojo.

(seriously though, assuming i'm a teen in this scenario i think i would have vibed with tory/miguel/aisha. dimitri and sam would have driven high school me up the fucking wall though. the cobra kai style looks like more fun/better exercise. do i also genuinely believe most young girls could actually benefit from someone yelling no mercy down their neck? maybe so 💖)

What’s your training montage song?:  50ft queenie - pj harvey (it takes place in the alison bechdel feminist karate dojo ofc)

It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?: it's a full episode flashback to the time johnny got arrested in albuquerque, new mexico. johnny's court-appointed attorney is a weirdly hot babe who seems like a super straight laced killjoy at first, but soon reveals herself to be an unhinged woman. one thing leads to another, and johnny winds up in bed with her and her loser husband. there are lots of great themes about punitive justice, people's ability to change for the better (and worse), and what makes someone "good" or "bad" to begin with, but mostly it's just really hot sex. the husband tries to sell johnny a prepaid cellphone and johnny tell's him that cellphones are never gonna catch on, cause who want's to be bothered by people all the time like that?

better call saul. it's a better call saul crossover ep.

(fwiw think that greg 'hbo succession' hirsch should also be terry's cousin greg on the non-roy side. think about it--the roys are small people, but cousin greg is really tall?? and who else is really tall, and a blue eyed brunette to boot? terry silver. it all adds up! this never becomes relevant to the plot, in any case, i'm just considering it canon until the writers come to my house and explicitly tell me i'm wrong.)

Tagging: anyone who's interested 😘

[melmoths]

james and thomas can build a happy life together post-canon.

i'll go out on a limb and say that it's the only plausible scenario for them - and not simply because i feel like they deserve it, but because i feel like their narrative arcs lead to that conclusion no matter what. 

of course the road to recovery would be long and hard, considering how deeply traumatised they both are, but once you accept that james mcgraw and james flint are not two separate people, that both james and thomas knew this, and that thomas is not a static character, no other future makes sense for them - whether they choose to retire and live a cosy domestic life or to dedicate themselves to another cause bigger than them both.

first things first: when silver claims that the man who reached savannah was not james flint, but james mcgraw he's lying. it's a lie! and not in the sense that it's something that he knows "deep down" even if he wishes things were different: it's a plain, old-fashioned lie, and he doesn't believe in it, not even for a second! he stands in front of madi, after having destroyed everything she's ever worked for and condemned her people (and many others) to centuries of oppression, and he lies.

'cause if he truly thought james was out of control and blinded by his rage over losing thomas, if he truly thought that getting thomas back would "kill" flint and his desire for revenge, if he truly thought thomas' death was the only reason he was fighting england, why bring james to savannah in the first place? why sell him into slavery? silver could have simply freed thomas (a man that he knew was innocent, by the way!) and let the two of them start a new life together wherever they wished - but he didn't, because he knew that james was truly fighting for the cause at that point, that he would have finished what he'd started because it was the right thing to do (and that thomas would have probably joined his efforts). killing him would have turned him into a martyr for the cause, so he had to remove him from the action entirely and spread the rumour he'd retired, and the fact that he chose for james the prison thomas was already in doesn't make it any better (eat my whole entire arsehole if you think otherwise).

i also want to stress the fact that not even james thinks james mcgraw and james flint are two different people. sure, james talks a lot about creating a persona that he later wants to get rid of, but he never truly believes he can separate himself from his own actions; that's why carrying their burden becomes harder and harder as time goes on. and on top of that, an element of performance is always present in the way he thinks about himself: he's a closeted gay man in XVIII century england! he's forced to live in a state where he has to lie constantly if he doesn't want to experience systemic violence. 

but he's always fully aware of who and what he is (despite being ashamed of it, at least before meeting thomas). he knows he's got a tender, gentle side and a much more violent, flawed one: he knows he possesses the potential for great violence - maybe he's not aware of how far he can go, but he knows he's capable of causing great harm, although it doesn't necessarily bring him joy (in fact he tends to opt for violent solutions only when he feels trapped, but changes his mind when shown another way that might lead to his desired outcome). james flint is his persona in the sense that he's a version of james mcgraw in which his "good" side isn't allowed to exist - a hyperviolent façade that doesn't fully match his true self, and a façade he has to keep up almost everyday until he's done what he needs to do (i know people like to call him "unhinged" a lot, but if you exclude his mental breakdown after miranda's death he's always in control of his actions).

and again, i think thomas and miranda were aware of james' violent side. miranda might have seen it first-hand, but i do think thomas knew about it as well. their connection is so deep ("my truest love," hello?) and they seem to know each other so fully that i don't think a relationship between them could have worked otherwise. maybe thomas heard of the fight that broke out between james and the officer that insulted him and miranda, and that got him thinking; maybe he worked it out otherwise (although i do believe they eventually talked about the fight, and about hennessey's weirdly protective attitude); but the fact that he's the one to come up with the pardons, unbeknownst to james, is pretty telling. it shows that despite his privilege thomas is instinctually more capable of understanding why disenfranchised people might turn to violence (i.e. piracy). and if he's ready to forgive all the pirates, all the violent men, why would he not extend the same courtesy to the one he loves? 

when he wrote "know no shame" he wasn't simply telling james not to be ashamed of being gay; he was telling him not to be ashamed of any part of himself, including the one that's more prone to violence, because at that point i don't think james truly believed himself worthy of being loved in his entirety, and thomas felt he had to fix that. and he succeeded - not immediately, of course, but by the time he'd come back from nassau james had fully internalised his message, based on the way he talks about his relationship with thomas to miranda and his wish to get away from london with the both of them (and ten years later, when james and miranda fight, he tells her that he does not feel ashamed of having loved thomas, but only of his inaction once thomas had been locked up in bedlam).

for this reason i don't believe that thomas would be "disgusted" by james' actions when they eventually reunite in savannah. i'm not saying he would enthusiastically condone all of them - he wouldn't go "hey, darling, good job on snapping your quartermaster's neck!", for example - but he would understand the motive behind them. he would understand why james - james who believed him dead, james who'd been stripped off the career he'd worked so hard for, james who had truly lost everything - felt like he had no other choice and put himself through so much pain. when james arrives in savannah i don't think thomas believes in reconciliation with england anymore.

i've noticed a weird tendency in this fandom to idealise thomas, to deny his growth in order to present him as flawless, as exclusively kind and "good" and stuck in time (often in opposition to post-london james). i hate it! 

first of all, i feel like this angelic persona does not fit his characterisation at all. he is a good man, but when his father says he's impertinent and self-righteous, or when miranda talks about how he'd basically make people wish they were dead during his salons, i don't get the impression that thomas is a tall giant who simply smiles at everyone and can do no harm. he's an extremely opinionated man that wants to do the right thing even if that makes him unbearable to the people in his proximity because, as james says, he truly believes in what he's saying and, just like james, he's shown to change his mind when presented with new facts; he's open to new ideas, and that's why he comes up with the pardons. 

second of all, we're talking about a man who's been betrayed by those closest to him, who's been imprisoned, tortured and dehumanised to the point that no one questioned his apparent suicide, who's been enslaved for ten years and subjected to yet more and more horrors. why would he not be a changed man, in the same way james is? why would his own ten years of hell not have stripped him of any trace of naivety he had left (the naivety inherent to his privilege and that had led him to believe that gradual change was the best solution), in the same way james was stripped of his after learning of peter's betrayal and seeing miranda killed in front of his eyes? just because this change happens offscreen for thomas it doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all. 

if anything, i would say that the conceptual passage from gradualism to revolution might have happened sooner for thomas than for james. let's also remember that when silver asks james if he'd trade the war to have thomas back again, james says thomas wouldn't want him to. he believes him dead, but he knew him well enough to be certain that if he were alive he'd agree with him that no compromise can be made with a colonial empire.

i'm also convinced that thomas always knew (or at least very strongly suspected) james was captain flint. he was imprisoned and isolated from the rest of the world, sure, but plantations didn't exist in a bubble where no news about the outside world could reach them (and the show makes it clear so many times). thomas is an extremely intelligent man. i doubt he would have had a hard time connecting the murder of his father, the rise of captain flint, the events of charlestown, the existence of an army of people still willing to follow a pirate captain in battle despite the pardons and tom morgan coming to look for him in savannah (although i suppose he thought james had found out he was alive and was going to get him out). when james shows up looking very much like a pirate, thomas is clearly happy beyond belief - but he doesn't strike me as someone who had no idea james might come to him someday.

that's why i think that any scenario in which james and thomas drift apart is not only completely unjustified, but extremely cruel and partly motivated by a desire to justify silver despite all evidence of him being a massive piece of shit. and justifying silver is justifying the english empire and all the atrocities it has inflicted - and i can't stand for that. in truth, i can't stand for any scenario in which two people who loved each other so dearly and were so harshly punished for it and for wanting to better society, even if just a little bit, don't get some measure of peace and happiness in which to heal together.

on a side-note, all the people who claim thomas was exactly like woodes rogers and that james' war was not really revolutionary because he was only waging it for selfish reasons fail to understand that:

1) thomas was trying to challenge the status quo and to defend a group of disenfranchised people in an age where criminals were seen as less than human and death sentences were extremely common, while woodes rogers was trying to preserve the status quo and to get rich in the process without giving much of a shit about pirates at all; 

2) every revolution or civil rights movement is at least partly motivated by selfish reasons: people don't want their loved ones and future generations to go through what they've gone through, and often seek some form of retribution in the process. and frankly, i don't care how "selfish" someone's motivations are as long as their actions lead to a more equal world and to better conditions for the people who inhabit it - and i'd rather fight alongside those who try to challenge hegemonic powers, whatever reasons they might have to do so, than be a passive observer of all the horrors that happen around me as long as they don't affect me directly.

anyway, love is real, james and thomas burn that plantation to the ground and silver sucks me good and hard through my jorts 

[softschofield]

tidbits i’m thinking about today ♡: 

blake and scho hand-stitching their lance corporal stripes onto their uniforms, and scho hand-stitching on his wound stripe. like, just imagine scho hidden away somewhere by himself while the other soldiers of his company chat and laugh around him. and dusk is falling, and shells are bursting beyond the german lines, and there’s a warm breeze, and his back is resting against the trunk of the tree, and the needle in his hand gives him something to do, something to keep his mind quiet and orderly and gentle - bring the thread through, pierce the wool, repeat. he’s alone. he’s always alone. it’s almost peaceful.

and i know it’s not accurate, because even if blake was snatched up for promotion as soon as he was conscripted (x) (x) he would have stayed at kingston-upon-thames or wherever he had been based after enlistment, but it’s such a soft thought to imagine his mother sewing on his stripe in their kitchen on a warm, gentle evening, with the sun setting and tea brewing and the birds singing the last of their songs, before her boy goes off to war :’)

scho didn’t enlist for patriotism - he probably wouldn’t have enlisted at all had conscription not been introduced, a white feather in his mail box be damned. he wasn’t swept up in the fear mongering and the tide of patriotism - he was more level-headed, more thoughtful, more empathetic; he wasn’t overcome by love for his country, he didn’t fear the hun marching down the london streets like monsters of old. he knew they were just people like him. he wanted to stay with his family, where he could actually make a different, where he was needed, where he mattered. he understood it was war, unlike the younger boys; understood that war was not an adventure.

what’s also very interesting is the fact that scho isn’t an officer, given that he’s clearly more middle class than either joe or tom and almost certainly more wealthy, a little more distinguished, and better educated (and, as we know, that’s check, check, check for officer school). it’s very likely scho enlisted only wanting to do the bare minimum - he could have been an officer, but he chose not to and he didn’t have that ambition and he’s made an effort to make lance corporal the highest he’ll rise in the ranks, and even that he’s only allowed because it means he’ll be able to help people a little better.

my own tags on this post: #like have they tried to promote scho and he said no?? has he just sunk into his silence and become almost invisible and forgotten? has he done something wrong and they won't promote him because of it? bad behaviour? did he go mad after thiepval and do that thing some soldiers in the trenches did where they just try to go over the top and get themselves killed? and they've been watching him distrustfully ever since in case he has another outburst? did he used to be a higher rank and they demoted him because of shellshock or a lapse in ability because he just went silent after his trauma? did he ask to be demoted? has he really just stagnated at lance corporal? there's so much DEPTH there. like i feel like someone can only be that... quiet and Given Up and distant if they’ve absolutely lost it at one point and then just accepted that there’s nothing they can do and crumpled into learned helplessness by the time we meet them. that’s my headcanon now: he lost it and was just unhinged and raging and screaming against the injustice of all his friends dying and he was given an official warning and maybe demoted and eventually just faded into a silent nothing when he realised no one cared and no one would do anything and nothing would change

continuing on from that - maybe, if he were ever a higher rank, whether it be corporal or sergeant, he earned a reputation with the officers of caring too much about the boys under his command. it frightened and unnerved them, that perceived weakness of his, the danger of it, and they disapproved. an NCO can’t worry about whether the boys in his platoon live or die - they’re only there to follow orders and see that their inferiors follow theirs. but scho couldn’t do that. he was never close to them - he’s too shy, too anxious, too withdrawn and odd for that - but, my god, he cared. he raged against the wilful waste of life. and then, one day, he went too far. he snapped and assaulted an officer, whether physically or verbally - and he would have been demoted, had he not been the one to tear the stripe off his shoulder first and throw it at the officer’s feet. “find someone else to send them to their deaths,” he snarled, eyes wild and hateful and insolent. he stormed off, and he was left to rot as a lance corporal and disappear into that quiet, hardly interacting, unimportant, just a forgotten NCO who’s given up, who pretends to himself he’s hardened his heart and doesn’t care about all the boys being sent over the top if he’s not the one who has to order them up, who knows he cares so much and his heart is soft and bleeding, who’s dismissed and sneered at by the officers, who drops his gaze because he’s so close to apathy and numbness and he’d be there already if the sight of something beautiful in all the horror - a budding flower or a lark - didn’t make him tear up with grief. 

basically, scho as a bit of a renegade who’s been bruised and broken by the military establishment for his natural protectiveness. because even if he’s stiff and awkward he’s still a father and his heart is full of so much love and i’m a wreck!!!!!!!!!

[justthehiddleswrites]

Bah Hiddleston | Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Tamra Harmon) | Chapter 10 | Blue Christmas

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Tamra Harmon)

Summary:  Tamra Harmon has no mind to mess with Christmas. All that talk about Christmas magic and the joy of the holidays is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. But will a chance encounter with perennial Christmas lover Tom Hiddleston change all that?

This chapter: Tom and Tamra both realized they have screwed this up, but Mother Nature provides a new stumbling block.

Warnings for story: smut, oral sex, implied smut, vaginal sex, light angst

-

Tamra cried the whole way back to her rented flat. The Uber driver asking her more than once if she was okay through the rearview mirror.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” she lied.

It was still dark which she reached the Airbnb. She fumbled with the keys and juggled her suitcase through the door. The room seemed cold and sterile after having spent the last several days at Tom’s. She sobbed as she thought of Bobby curled up at her feet and how the place always smelled of books and coffee.

Tamra pulled back the covers and slid between the cool sheets. She didn’t even bother to change into pajamas. As she drifted into an uneasy slumber, Tamra’s mind played over the note she left. She feared she made some sort of mistake. Her heart already realized the answer.

-

Once Diana called, Luke made it over to the house within the hour; Benedict and Sophie soon followed, children in tow. Waves of guilt rolled over Tom at the thought of ruining everyone’s Christmas with his problems. Especially since this was all his fault.

Diana kept the kettle warm and everyone took a seat around the kitchen table while the children playing with their newly acquired toys in the living room. Bobby, sensing something was amiss, stayed close to Tom’s feet.

“I fucked up.” Tom commented with a flat affect.

“How is that different from—” Luke started in but Diana’s hand gripping his shoulder like a vise silenced him.

“Luke dear, I normally would love nothing more than to watch a signature Windsor dressing down of my twat of a son, but perhaps today we can keep the conversation to helpful suggestions.” Diana commented, her hand never leaving his shoulder.

Luke glanced over at Tom still seated in the chair he fell into earlier. Sat before him was a haunting shadow of the famous Tom Hiddleston. His eyes still sparkling blue but now bloodshot and rimmed with red. His ginger curls laid in a disheveled mop. If his fans could catch him now, they would be appalled.

“Of course, Diana.” he responded and only then did she release her grip.

They each read the note while Tom took to chewing on his thumbnail. A nasty habit he long broke but manifested itself in times of extreme stress.

“I don’t understand what the problem is?” Ben questioned. “She loves you and you love her.”

Tom’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know I love her? How can you possibly know that?!” His voice rising and accusatory.

“For one, you made me throw a Christmas party in less than 24 hours for a girl you barely met.” Benedict responded, ignoring his friend’s tone.

“You did what Thomas?!” Diana exclaimed.

“Not the time, Mother.” Tom interjected.

“Two, I am sitting at your dining table on Christmas rather than being at my home. And three, Luke told me.”

Tom shot daggers at his publicist.

“Not the time, Tom..” Diana echoed his words. “So how do we fix it?”

“Ritual suicide?” offered Luke.

“Grand gesture of love?” countered Benedict.

Sophie rolled her eyes. “Men. Always going to extremes. Suicide, grand gestures.” she tsked. “How about a radical idea of telling her how you feel?”

“I agree, Sophie. The simplest solution is generally the best one.” Diana agree, moving to hold Tom’s hand, giving it a small squeeze

Tom picked his head up to look at his friends and mother. He pushed the chair away from the table and rose.

“Thank you all for the food for thought. I don’t want to keep you from your homes and families. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He kept the facade together until he stepped away and only then did he cried for the infinite time that morning. He slammed the door to the bedroom on his way. The sound reverberating off the walls.

Everyone stood as well and Diana walked each of them out.

“Thank you for coming. Merry Christmas. I’ll keep you posted.” She made apologies and excuses before shutting the door.

She headed down the hallway and knocked softly against the door. When she heard no response, she pushed the door opened. She found Tom sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to the door and his head in his hands.

She sat down next to him, placing her hand on his knee. He turned and cried.

“Mum, I’m scared.”

“I noticed, dear.”

“Why am I so scared? I’m been in relationships before. Why is this different?”

Diana gave his knee a squeeze. “Because…” she sighed. “…you recognize that this is the beginning of the last relationship you’ll have and you are not sure you’re ready to take that leap, no matter how much you want that life. Forever is a long time.”

“You really believe it will all work out, don’t you?”

“Yes I do.” Diana stood and walked to his nightstand. “You never throw a bet. Particularly a bet that requires you to cook. That means this is something much more than a fling.”

Tom managed a laugh. “How did you figure it out?”

“You are my son.” She handed him his phone. “Now go get the girl and start the rest of your life.”

Tom nodded. He unlocked the phone and tapped the screen. Diana slipped out the room and shut the door behind her.

-

Tamra dragged herself out of bed just before noon. She found some cereal and milk. Tamra gave the milk and sniff and decided she wouldn’t die before pouring. She found her phone and the battery indicator teetered close to 1%.

“Shit!” she fished through her purse for the charger cord and came up empty. She dug through her suitcase, dumping the contents onto the floor.

“Fuck!” she yelled as her hunt came up empty. Her brain flashed to the cord plugged into a socket in Tom’s kitchen. “FUCK!!!”

As she prepared to go into another cursed filled tirade, her phone buzzed in her hand.

“What?!” she snapped to the other person on the end of the call.

“Did I catch you at a bad time, honey?” her mom asked, worry in her voice.

Tamra took a deep breath to collect herself. “Not at all. What can I do for you?”

“Merry Christmas, honey!”

“Merry Christmas, Mom.”

“No bah humbug? Are you feeling okay? You sound sick. Are you sick?”

Tamra choked back tears. “No, I’m not sick.” her voice cracked. “But I’m not okay.” She sobbed.

“What happened? Do I need to fly out?”

“I meet a guy. Not just any guy, THE GUY. And he is amazing and smart and talented. And… and…” her voice trailed off again. “Why do I screw up everything?!?” she wailed.

“Love is complicated, darling. It causes something with the dopamine levels in the brain. Makes people act all loopy.”

“You read that in a magazine somewhere, didn’t you?”

“I’m sure. But if this guy is as special as you describe. He is worth the fight.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Any time dear. Now tell me more about this guy.”

“Well you might know him.” Tamra started.

“Really? How would I—” the line clicked dead.

“Mom? Mom?” Tamra looked down at a black screen.

“Fuck!” she threw the phone onto the bed. She thought about heading out to see if any place was open to buy a charging cord. She was dismayed to stare out the window to find it snowing heavily once again.

“Merry fucking Christmas.” she whispered as she crawled back under the covers.

-

Tom threw his bedroom door open, startling his mother watching the television.

“It keeps going to voicemail. I’m going over there.” He grabbed his pea coat.

“No you’re not.”

“And who is going to stop me?” he demanded.

“Mother Nature. Look out the window.” Tom pulled aside the curtain to the nearest window.

“No, No!” he cried in anguish as he saw the landscape buried in snow and it continuing to fall with no end in sight. “I hate snow.”

“Keep trying the phone. She can’t ignore you forever. It’s Christmas.”

-

But she never answered and with each unanswered call, Tom grew more and more frantic, almost unhinged. If it had not been for Diana, he would have braved the storm and most likely froze in the process.

Phone calls from friends and family offered him little comfort. Only the news of both Emma and Sarah joining the family tomorrow elicited any happy response. He attempted to put on a good show but inside he was dying. His mother comforted when he allowed her.

“Have faith, dear.”

“I’m calling the police.” he declared after the phone once again went to voicemail.

“You will not. What would Luke say?”

Tom sighed. “He would say ‘don’t be stupid’.”

“Luke is a wise man. So sit down and watch the movie. It’s my favorite.”

He picked up Hugh Grant’s monologue come over the TV and he excused himself.

-

Tamra found a frozen dinner buried in the freezer. Not the Christmas dinner she had hoped for. But with the snowstorm and the holiday, nothing was open. She longed to call Tom, to apologize and beg forgiveness but there was nothing she could do with her phone dead. She didn’t remember his number.

She alternated between the bed and the sofa, catching snippets of restless sleep between crying jags. The day reached a low point when she flicked on the TV and heard the Pointer Sisters Jump! playing and saw Hugh Grant dancing over the screen. She flashed back to that day at Tom’s, the movies, the tree, that kiss. She switched off the TV and threw the remote in disgust.

Tom and Tamra tossed and turned that night, chasing sleep. Tom finally dozed off sometime around midnight, Bobby never leaving his side. Tamra lied awake until well after one in the morning, clutching the pillow for comfort and wondering how she screwed up the best thing that happened to her.

[thirty-five-owls]

long rant warning

what’s so enticing to me about Iron Man/Mysterio/Spider-Man is that this mess of a triangle with quentin beck at the center of it has the potential to be so complicated and pathetic and profoundly painful, it has the potential to be real life. 

I imagine what Beck said about working on BARF and then getting fired for being emotionally unstable meant he and Tony had a thing back then. 

It was good and hot and he perhaps loved Tony a little bit, all the late-night sushi-takeout workshops at Stark Industries and Tony telling him about memories of his dad, and the two of them testing the prototype for the first time and Beck witnessing the raw emotions Tony kept suppressed for all those years. 

They could’ve had a therapeutic and entertaining little affair, and Beck truly thought that he would become a permanent part of Stark Industries some day, just right by Tony’s side, designing all the tech for him, and Beck did put in the years at his job, what he brought to Stark he thought was truly world-changing. 

Like he said, the applications of the core tech behind BARF would be endless if you think about it, and it could possibly revolutionize modern industries. He thought he was there to change people’s lives, that his work came so close to advancing humanity, which is what ultimately unhinged him when he found out Tony only saw this as a pet project that was developed for personal use. 

He wanted to be a good person, truly, all his life he worked towards it, but in the end Tony Stark’s ego failed him. All those time wasted, all his passion. Hard pill to swallow. 

He was bitter after he got fired because he had to be, anyone in their right mind whose dream and career got destroyed like that had a right to be. And perhaps he was always unstable, perhaps he always had that psychological tendency, that weakness in him which triggered the instability amid all the stress and depression and anger. So anyways he started hating Stark after that, not only because the man ruined his life long passion but also for the fact that he used to be so obsessed with that genius playboy inventor. Maybe he had always wanted to work with the legendary Tony Stark, and it was why he wanted to work for Stark Industries in the first place, maybe his employment under Tony was the best time of his life, but Tony ruined all of it. 

He can’t get over his obsessions, though, and he never got closure. He planned his revenge, he was going to make Tony remember him and repent for what he’d done, and he was so ready for his grand scheme, he was going to show him and the world just truly how powerful and life-changing the technology that he designed had the potential to be, until he heard the news of Iron Man’s death. 

He must have grieved, oh the rabbit holes he went down in the days following Tony Stark’s death. Perhaps the only well-timed thing Disney has ever done for the MCU, because now Quentin Beck can never get closure. 

He had obsessed over Tony Stark for most of his life, and at one point he was special in Tony’s eyes too, and that fleeting chapter of his life was bittersweet, and he refused to accept that Tony just kicked him to the curb like that and for this he hated him.

 But he can’t help feeling that sense of entitlement, that he was the only one who truly deserved Stark Industries, he was devoted to the company, to Iron Man, he was clever, resourceful, ambitious, which is why he had such a hard time getting over the fact that Tony left everything, EDITH even, to a superhero kid who came out of nowhere that he’s never heard of. 

And Spider-Man was so, so naive. I might be projecting onto this part a bit because I honestly felt Mysterio’s hatred for MCU’s version of Spider-Man, like yes Peter Parker (Tom Holland) what an adorable adorable little puppy every time he talks my heart melts a bit but he just painfully falls short of what I think Spider-Man should be. The immaturity, impulsivity, the lack of emotional depth, he was a Spider-Man not weighed down by the promise of responsibility from a dying loved one or the pain of loss from hiding a secret identity, even after Tony died I couldn’t see that quality in him, his character was so shallow, it was like the secret of his superhero identity meant nothing at all. 

Quentin must have seen through it all, he was so vain and melodramatic, he met Peter and immediately thought less of him. He thought Peter was too young, too immature, naive, and inexperienced, and frankly he couldn’t believe this was Tony’s work. After all, how can Tony trust such a dumb young kid with the technology that should be in the hands of much more capable man? This was just like how Tony dismissed the potential in BARF, clearly it would be much more beneficial if someone who knew what they were doing got left with Iron Man’s legacy, but he had to go give it away to a child because his ego just couldn’t allow it. 

And in his heart he felt a little vindictive because if he had been the boy’s mentor, he was sure he could do a much better job training Peter than Tony did. Just like he can do a much better job as the next Iron Man. He must have had thoughts like this on many occasions; if he had the kind of resources Tony Stark had, he can do a much better job improving the world. 

He would look at Peter and feel jealousy and hatred and a messed-up sense of protective ownership, because everything Peter had should have been rightfully his, he’s the only qualified hero to be the next Iron Man, and if he was, he could do so much more to help Peter become the deserving Spider-Man he knew Peter can be. 

He saw the potential in Peter, it just wasn’t enough to convince him to let go of his pathetic obsession with Tony Stark, and Peter was so quick to trust him implicitly, it was almost too easy. In the end he wanted to be Iron Man more than anything, because he just couldn’t stand losing the man he loved, even though he already lost him years before, he never got closure, and he was so hung up he was willing to kill Peter Parker to get it. Maybe in a different universe he could have loved Peter and it would be a simpler life, something he wanted at one point, because he did think Peter was lovable and had so much potential, but there was no way back for him. 

The moment he lied to Peter about who he was, he lost any chance of ever being happy and starting a new life and letting go of his Tony Stark obsession. Perhaps during the time he spent with Peter he had just a brief moment of clarity where he understood what Tony saw in the boy, because Peter was just so pure with a heart of gold. But by the time he realized, it was too late, he also realized that he let go of any real chance at getting closure because his entire relationship with Peter was based on a lie he can’t save himself from. And it was a shame to him that Peter had to go out like that, but there was no way back. He already made too many sacrifices that led him to where he was, Peter just fell short of being good enough. 

That’s what’s so beautiful about this ship. Maybe Quentin Beck knew that everything was messed up and wrong and it should never have been like this, but because Tony Stark died, life had to end this way for him. His passion began and ended with Tony Stark, and he never got over that.