asitrita · 2 years ago
Text
I’ve been reading some genetic studies (I’m a bit obssesed with genetics lately), about the different human groups that share the most genetic similarities with Spaniards and Portuguese. Of course, Europeans come first (Southern and Central French, North Italians and Swiss belonging to roughly the same ethnic group as “Iberians”, being all from the same "stock") , then the very North coastal population of North Africa, and finally Near Easterns (Eastern Mediterranean people, not surprising). Thing is, there’s this study from which I basically draw the conclusion that were Spaniards to become extinct, in order to bring us back (which is a must), you should mix about 80% of French fat butter, 12% of Italian wine (from Tuscany and Rome mainly, nice Latin blood wine u.u), 5% of Morrocan mint tea, and 3% of Irish Baileys XD (because I refuse to be made of English fish and chips, so I’m taking the Irish within the “native British and Irish”). And 100% of love.
Tumblr media
#my shenanigans#XD#the fish&chips part is half jocking#funny thing is#the fish and chips dish comes from Spanish adn possibly Portuguese Sephardic Jews that fled to England after their expulsion#so technically#fish and chips are a Spanish derived dish#who would have thought#the only dich England is famous for is not English either u.u#just jocking#i love your cakes and pies#also#guys#this is an oversimplificated post#i mean#you could 100% make a spaniard out of all those groups#but the actual genes of Spanish people do not come only from those groups#there's a little bit of Northern Germanic#specifically southern sweden and northern german#goths suebi and vandals anyone?#as for eastern Europeans we do get small percentages from them too#Goths were in reality a mix of Northern European originally from Southern Sweden and Eastern Europeans#plus we have the Alans too#the mix of Northern and Southern European in France is similar to that in Spain#small traces of Eastern European genetics are also similar in France and Spain#and that's why they assigned all those genes to France instead of breaking them down into smaller percentages of Swedish and Romanian lol#on the other hand about a third of the Italian is probably gaulish from France that was carried by the celts when they got here#if not more#the moroccan is also not moroccan but mostly ancient north african from the roman carthagenean phoenitian and even earlier times#a smaller part of it would come from the berber tribes or moors during the al-ándalus and taifa kingdoms Medieval times
9 notes · View notes
inkskinned · 1 year ago
Text
you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
30K notes · View notes
libertyybellls · 10 months ago
Text
KISS IT OFF ME !
Tumblr media
pairing; finnick odair x f!dist4!reader
summary; finnick can’t take his eyes off of you in any crowd- but he can take care of you, what’s new?
contains; FLUFF, established relationship, finnick is still pining for reader, alcohol consumption- but positively i guess, reader is anxious in the beginning, objectification by the capitol as per usual.
a/n: i hope im not misunderstood but when i put specific photos or outfits/hairs in the headers of my works that is not directly what i am picturing the reader as! its more-so the hairstyle, or the outfit- or simply the aesthetic of the picture. not the race, hair nor body type. ur all cutie pies. ok anyways onto the fic kiss kiss.
☾⋆。𖦹 °✩
“well would you look at that!” your stylist squeals in your ear, “from the moment you won your last games i have just been dying to design for you again and… here we are!” she ushers you to spin around.
she’d always been kind to you, perhaps less kind to your dignity- always wanting to flaunt you like a show pony- but nonetheless her support had always been there.
“it’s beautiful, thank you.” you smile small at her. so bittersweet, she was oh-so ecstatic to dress you up once more but to you- this meant less serenity to you. more agitation, more distress, more death.
it felt like a paradox, to be adorned in this sweet, innocent, baby pink before you’re sent away to a grim world once again- you’d already gone off on a tangent to finnick. you’d both sobbed solemnly about the cruelty of it all, how you would never be able to live in peace.
but finnick just wanted you both to have this one night, to indulge in the capitol before you were sent of to your deaths, obviously he would see the brighter side of thing- blabbering about plutarchs plan and how he only needs to protect you, katniss, and peeta until he can get you out of there.
sounds so very simple doesn’t it?
once you’d finished your interview you attended a party, a celebration for the third quarter quell. how ironic, what was there to celebrate?
you’d seen the food platters, the spiked drinks, and indulge you did.
your brain had been fuzzy by the time you’d escape the overbearing class of the capitol citizens, who wanted to know every detail of your life.
it was then- finnick had spotted you- so inebriated you’d genuinely laugh at something the woman next to you said.
feasibly being that she’d said something so pretentious you couldn’t help but tilt your head back in laughter. but nonetheless he admired.
he admired your dress, your smile, the way your eyes slightly disappeared when you laughed, the way your hair was laying down your back. he was simply under the spell of you.
it was then your eyes met his smitten ones, so love drunk- or possibly just drunk- that you’d excused yourself and made a beeline straight for him.
he’d encaptured you with warm arms, a leather corset-like article of clothing consumed his waist- followed by his white buttoned down that seemed to be unbuttoned.
you noticed the way his eyes consumed you- not like the others did. not like you were a piece of cake, not like you were something they had to have for the night, but someone who lit his chest alight.
“you look beautiful.” he murmurs into your hair, his hands around your waist.
“i hardly feel that way- im scared, i think.”
he shook his head, pulling you from his warm embrace much to your dismay. “don’t be. you’re with me right now.” finnicks plush lips lay atop your forehead now.
you laugh as he continues to peck your face, giggles leaving your lips.”so beautiful.”
it was only when you nearly toppled over your unnecessarily long pumps that he took not of your consumption.
“so head over heels it seems you’ve had a little to much to drink. what do you say i get you back to your room now? hm?” he straightens you back up. “run you a bath?”
you let out a muffled mm into his chest, your other hand placed on the side of his chest holding you steady. “love you s’much finn.”
it was his turn to laugh now, there was no mockery, no heinous act behind it, just you and finnick. “i know baby.”
-
2K notes · View notes
tame-the-lion-writes · 13 days ago
Text
(Mild CW: weight insecurity, possible but undefined ED)
Headcanon that Konig is insecure of his size because he was a chubby kid. And sure, now he’s got more muscle than fat, but everytime someone makes a comment about him being “big” (especially if they don’t specify), he kinda internally goes—
“Oh. Okay.”
So for the longest time, he doesn’t like eating sweets or carbs in public. He has a sweet tooth—fueled largely by a doting grandmother who always baked for him whenever he came over—but kids can be mean. Kids can be cruel. So he started eating his cookies and strudels hidden behind the corners of the school playground, until he got too tall to hide and just stopped bringing them to school entirely. And soon enough. his mother was asking why he didn’t even eat them at home.
“But Schatzi, I thought you loved vanillekipferl!”
And he does, he really does. But he can’t.
The habits stick to him well into his adult life. He refrains from eating cakes at birthday parties or celebrations, and at most, he���ll choose a fruit tart. Something vaguely healthy (—but oh, how he misses sweets). He’s also kept himself on an even stricter workout plan than most of his colleagues, since he’s scared of getting big again. And he doesn’t want to be that little boy again, being whispered about and giggled about, feeling all eyes on him (—even if his height never truly let him escape).
But then he meets sweet little you. All doe eyes and gift-giving love language. And just like his grandma, you love to bake.
He was hesitant first, of course, when you started showing up with goodies in a ribbon-tied cardboard box. Sometimes even a tin box, if you were feeling fancy or it was a holiday. Almond cookies, apple pies. Hot chocolate bombs and s’mores cupcakes. But you’re so gosh darn persistent, and it all smells so gosh darn good. And one day, you burst back into his office because you forgot your phone, and you spot him in the middle of stuffing a cookie under his mask.
“… So you like it?”
His heart is dropped in his chest, pumping sheer anxiety, but the way your face lights up at the sight of him eating turns the beat into a soft fluster.
Quiet, muffled— “Ja.”
He’s gotten more comfortable eating sweets since then. Sometimes hesitates when around fellow mercs and military men, but it’s easier around strangers or in private. When he eventually does grow back some of his belly, though, and he looks himself in the mirror, you come up to him and wrap your arms around his middle. Snuggling your face into the healthy layer of fat with a smile. And he smiles, too, knowing just how well you take care of him.
“Next request?”
“Hm. How about sachertorte?”
413 notes · View notes
heavysighing-dreamyeyes · 1 month ago
Note
I LITERALLY THOUGHT OF YOUR JASON WHEN I SAW THIS TIK TOK: it was someone getting emotional because of their s/o reconnect with hobbies they did during their childhood.
and i just thought of jason presenting reader with baked treats, unknowingly rambling about the treats him and alfred made to give to bruce and kids of crime alley.
and reader just tearing up or (if like me) full on crying and jason holds your hands with his mitten hands, wondering if you burnt yourself from eating them too quick. only for reader to be emotional over his hobbies before he died :(
Cookie Sheets
Ah!! Wait, I LOVE this. Here's a little (mostly) fluffy ramble that spiraled because self-control and Jason Todd do not go together for me. ~500 words
Tumblr media
You didn't think anything of it, when Jason picked up baking ingredients during your weekly grocery shopping trip.
You were mildly curious, when he pulled out a worn, handwritten page from his pocket and started to move around the kitchen, pulling bowls and pans out of the cupboards.
You were engaged, watching silently from where you're sat, when the smell of baked goods started to fill your apartment.
He was obviously focused, eyebrows knitted together, and lower lip pulled between his teeth. You really, really wanna listen to the cliché 'kiss the cook' apron he's wearing, but something about the intent look in his eyes tells you this is important.
So you wait, content to study him as he moves fluidly around the kitchen. Your bright grin matches the giddy expression on his face when the oven timer goes off.
It's when he's finally, carefully moving each cookie off the tray to cool when he starts to talk, "Alfred and I used to bake together all the time."
You straighten out immediately, "Yeah?"
He hums in acknowledgment, "Yeah. For everyone, really. Brownies that B took into the office for his meetings. Cakes for Dick to take back to the Titans. Bags of cookies for the kids on the streets. Pies for the shelters in Park Row."
"Oh," You say softly, and the weight of what he's doing settles on your shoulders. It makes your throat tighten, in grief of what was taken from him and in pride that he's rekindling that part of his life.
You almost want to cry over the fact that he's really always been so good. You practically jump out of your seat, moving to pluck a cookie off the counter.
"Doll," Jason practically cries out, voice pitching. He goes to snatch the treat from your hand, "It's still hot!"
You bite into the cookie instead, "It's delicious."
His eyes soften a little, but he still fixes you with a disbelieving gaze, lifting your hand to inspect it for burns, "They weren't going anywhere, you know."
"We can make more, if you want. Take them down to the soup kitchen," You suggest, a little sheepish as he presses a kiss to your fingertips.
Jason smiles at you, and you know you've said the right thing, "I'd like that." His eyes dart back to the cookies for a moment, "Were they really good? It's been a while since I, uh, made them."
You grab another cookie and grin, biting into it even under his disapproving glare. This time, you listen to the apron and plant a kiss on his cheek, "They're good. Really good."
He kisses your forehead in return and tentatively picks up a cookie, turning it over and inspecting his work. He takes a bite, like he's braced for it to be nothing like he remembers. But his body relaxes instead, "Yeah, doll, they are."
You spoil yourself and chase his lips, curious to see if his baking tastes just as good on his tongue. (It does)
416 notes · View notes
plushefemme · 11 months ago
Text
"innocent" housewife feeder concepts- holidays edition ❄️
making the most hearty, butter and cream-laden foods, it's cold out, you need food that'll stick to your ribs and keep you warm
packing a thermos full of rich creamy hot cocoa with your lunch every day
trying SOOO many recipes for various holiday gatherings and i make you my official taste-tester (but you end up having more than a taste, we can't let it go to waste!)
constant baking- endless batches of holiday cookies, bars, brownies, cakes, pies from scratch with all-butter crust.... i offer that you take some of the extras to share with your coworkers but you scarf half of them in the car, i've slowly worn down your willpower and you just can't resist
i take you shopping to get new winter clothes because you've way outgrown last year's, although i insist it's only because i love to see you in a nice new fuzzy sweater
movie marathons, cuddling under blankets on the couch with snacks and eggnog, and i can't keep my hands off your full, softening belly
once i've figured out your all-time favorite holiday treats i make sure there's a constant supply available
and of course, lots of TLC after you've overindulged at a party, peppermint tea, ginger, so many belly rubs, plus shortbread cookies and homemade bread to help "settle your stomach"....
1K notes · View notes
chubbycelebs · 4 months ago
Text
Fame Greedy
Tumblr media
Jeremy Sumpter was stood on the set of a new advert he had been signed up to by his agent. After his successful childhood in films, Jeremy struggled to break free of his past and become a serious actor now he was older. He could never land movies despite his incredible body and devotion to the roles. He was becoming frustrated with his situation. After he finished filming the advert for the day he stomped back to his hotel room and slammed the door in frustration. What more do people want. Jeremy went for a shower to cool off and when he walked out of the bathroom with a white towel around his waist he saw his agent sat on his bed. “Jesus Adam warn me next time I could’ve been naked” Jeremy said jumping slightly as he realised just how naked he was. “Oh I don’t mind Jeremy just ignore me whilst you get ready. There’s some things I wanna run past you” Adam, his agent said to him. Jeremy started to get changed. As said before he has a pretty perfect body so he wasn’t embarrassed when he dropped his towel in front of his agent to pulled on some white briefs. “So I know you are frustrated by doing adverts all the time and I think I’ve figured a way to change your direction” Adam said scrolling through his phone trying to find something. “Oh please anything is better than doing these pissing adverts” Jeremy chimed in now pulling on some jeans. “Well you see there’s been a role open up and they want you specifically.” Adam put his phone down and looked at Jeremy as he pulled on a tight shirt that showed off his toned body. “Omg no way! That’s amazing I’m so down!” Jeremy said cracking a smile. “Well there’s a catch you see. They want you but they want you to erm bulk up a bit…”
“what do you mean? How much?” Jeremy said becoming a little skeptical. “Well they didn’t give a maximum number but they said at least 60 lbs.”
“60 lbs!!!! If I gained that I’d be fat?!? Are you sure?” Jeremy said shocked by this number. “Well Jeremy they kind of want that. You see your playing a gamer for this movie and they want a big guy so they asked for you to do this…”
“Jesus christ. Well I guess I can always lose it after the film. Fine I’ll do it. Go get me some food then” Jeremy said standing up pacing around his hotel room. Was he really about to do this? He worked hard for his perfect body just to get roles and now they want him fat? I guess 60 lbs isn’t life changing. I could definitely lose that he said to him self.
Every day now Jeremy would wake up and start eating and wouldn’t stop until he passed out from a food coma. He loved eating cakes and pies and fast food. He thought there could be worse things to do. Just being told to sit on his arse and stuff his face with crap wasn’t so bad. Some days he even enjoyed lying around in his tight briefs stuffing his gut.
Tumblr media
He started to feel his body soften as time went on. His abs melted into a soft belly that was bulging outwards. As he sat rolls formed on his body. He looked down and poked them. His finger sinking deeper into his gut was kind of intriguing. He’d never been this soft it was interesting finally letting go. It was also so easy that he started to enjoy it. He made games for him self to try and eat as much as possible. He would gain these 60 lbs in no time.
6 months had passed and the 60 lbs of fat he was asked to gain was sitting softly on his body. His body looked like it had melted away into lard. His once fit body was now replaced with a body of someone who’s lazy and unable to stop eating. Jeremy had to admit, yes he was concerned to start with but he really enjoyed the process. He loved eating and over eating. He loved sitting and doing nothing all day. And truthfully he enjoyed the extra weight on his body.
Tumblr media
He was asked for a screen test so the ex jock actor came into the studio and got ready for the screen test. He was asked to sit in just white briefs and to sit in the set built for the movie. The camera and sound crew were all set up and ready. The director calls action and Jeremy started acting the first scene. The scene was asking Jeremy to lay on the sofa with a bag of crisps on his belly and eating the whole bag whilst a video game plays in the background. He admitted that he thought there’d be some lines to say but he happily just laid back and stuffed his belly. The director yelled cut and asked for Jeremy to come to his office. “Everything alright?” Jeremy asked the director as he entered the office still in his costume. “Jeremy my boy look at you. You look amazing. Thank you for your devotion to the project” the director said placing his hands on the sides of Jeremy’s belly. Jeremy couldn’t help but feel proud of his gain. “You see though. When envisioning the character we thought he would be well fatter. He’s a really lazy greedy character and you just look a bit chubby. We want some really mass on you.” Jeremy was a little taken a back. He felt like a lard arse already but maybe this wasn’t enough. “Alright then. I’ll erm gain some more for you then.”
“Amazing thank you Jeremy. You are gonna be one big star one day!” Jeremy walked back to his hotel room his belly rumbling. He plopped him self down on his bed. He caught a glimpse of him self in the mirror opposite his bed. He pulled off his shirt and looked at his bulging belly, the rolls that replaced his abs. He had never thought he’d get this fat but now he was gonna have to get fatter. He called for room service and huge trolly of food came to his room. He’s gonna enjoy these next few months of stuffing.
Every month Adam came round to check on Jeremy and make sure he was making progress. He would make Jeremy strip down and show his fat body. He took measurements of every part of his expanding body.
Tumblr media
“Wow you really are packing on the pounds huh big guy?!” Adam said patting Jeremy’s belly. “I just need this role Adam. I’ve gotta show I’m serious about this. Plus it’s not hard being a lazy slob all the time anyway” Jeremy walked over to the trolly of food and stuffing in a burger. “Well you sure are a lazy slob.” Jeremy looked around at Adam as he said this. “See you next month chubs!” Adam walked out of his hotel room. That’s when Jeremy felt the hot pulse of horniness in his tight underwear. Did he enjoy Adam fat shaming him? Something about being called a lazy slob and chubs made his dick stand to attention. Maybe this fat body wasn’t bad at all. In some ways it’s actually better maybe…
Tumblr media
A year had passed Jeremy never stop eating. He never did exercise. And never wanted to lose the weight. He awoke one morning and pulled on a tight white vest and his usual white briefs. He looked at him self. His round fat gut was huge now and hung out of his white vest. His underwear barely fit his fat figure now. He pulled up a photo of him self from last year and was so pleased to see how his body had changed. What a lard arse he had turned into. He remembers being told about this role and vowing to lose the weight after he finished but. Kw he was this huge, he never wanted to go back to his fit old self. If anything he wanted to be bigger. That evening filming started for the film. Every scene had Jeremy stuffing and eating him self silly. For months the director had him stuffed with food on camera. He had very little lines and spent the whole time being a hog on set. All this pigging out lead to him to gain even more weight and by the end of filming, the old fit boy had transformed into a huge round lard filled fatty.
Tumblr media
Jeremy!! So good to see you big guy!” Adam came in on the last day of filming. He was met with the sight of a morbidly obese Jeremy. “You look huge!” Adam said as he hugged the greedy actor and placed hands on his belly. “Adam what actually is this film? All I’ve done is eat and be a fat pig for months. Why is that?” Jeremy said with a grin looking at Adam who had his hands on Jeremy’s fat gut. “Oh you see I was gonna say but I just kept forgetting. You see there’s a load of people who really enjoy seeing fit men get fat so me and the director thought you’d be perfect. We’ve been filming you for well over a year as you’ve grown into the man you are today. It’s like a documentary all about how you’ve turned into such a huge hog. And it’s gonna be a smash hit!”
Jeremy looked at Adam and couldn't help but smile. “You better sign me up for the sequel to this film then Adam”
“Don’t worry. The presale for this movie is already insane so you’ll be back. You’ll be along side Tom Holland as well next time!” “Oh I can’t wait to see how that goes…”
Based on the recent images I’ve posted on Jeremy Sumpter I decided to write a story with some images along side them. Hope you guys enjoy this story of the growing actor. Hopefully his fame will out weight him one day!
460 notes · View notes
xoxochb · 1 month ago
Note
pls more fics with riordanverse characters x persephone!reader !!!!
— cinnamon girl
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
warnings: none? pairings: riordanverse boys x daughter of persephone a/n: I didn’t want to chose so I just did all of them at once including percy again, I hope you don’t mind angel
Tumblr media
percy jackson loves leaving flowers at your doorsteps every morning. sometimes if he’s lucky he’ll catch you on your way out of your cabin and he’s able to hand them to you personally. he prefers this over anonymously gifting them (even if you know it’s him every time) mainly because he loves the way your face lights up instantly and you reward him with a sweet kiss to his pink cheeks. he also finds himself taking in your scent whenever you hug, you always smell like your favorite flowers and fruits, something he’s grown to love dearly. when percy finds himself with free time he likes to pick flowers and weave them into a flower crown for you; you’d taught him prior how to do so, he recalls the soft gestures with your hands and your sweet like honey voice instructing him on how to do so, with this knowledge he uses it to create a crown exactly your size, giving it to you after you’ve had a long day, instantly washing away your previous worries when you settle in the arms of your most beloved
jason grace likes to help you tend to your garden. whether it’s late at night, early morning, mid day, or even if it means skipping meals to do so. sometimes he often finds himself reading books on various types of plants and flowers so when you’re speaking to him about them he’s able to understand what you’re talking about. he’ll also use this knowledge to his ability to impress you (he did this a lot before you began dating— even know he won’t admit to it but you know the truth). since jason is a frequent visiter to your garden he bought his own tools so you wouldn’t have to share with him. although he won’t admit this, jason is a sucker for your kisses, specifically after you’ve picked a fresh fruit and taken a bite from it, he makes sure write after to claim your lips with his, often he takes a bite of it himself to try your masterpiece, at the same time eating it so his lips taste as sweet as yours. jason also enjoys picking your fruits and vegetables with you and helping you prepare a dish with those crops. most frequently you’ll bake pies or cakes with the fruits, and even if jason isn’t fond of that certain fruit he’ll eat it regardless because you made it and he loves you (he additionally gets to see your bright smile when he says he enjoys it. he’d never miss an opportunity to make you smile)
leo valdez was intimidated by you at first sight. he believed you were gorgeous, yes, there was no doubt in his mind that you were anything less than ethereal. but you were also horrifying. with your abilities to control shadows— courtesy of your mother being the queen of the underworld— you could pop out from the darkness at will. once leo got to know you he realized you were as sweet as the fruits you grew, an angel. his cheeks as red as your favorite pomegranates when you call him out for stuttering after you gained the knowledge that he was afraid of you before. nonetheless he’s enamored with you, completely and utterly. he loves how everytime you walk, flowers grow and return from the dead if wilting, shades of blue, green, red, pink, purple, and ant imaginable color you’d like. you often find yourselves in the fields, you pick a few flowers from the ground and stick them into leo’s curls, making his face flush a pink hue at your affectionate action.
luke castellan likes when you tell him about your underworld-ly related powers. he’s well aware your mother is known for her spring, gardening persona but he’s also interested in the aspects of her personality that include being the wife of the god of the dead. you often find yourself in your free time taking luke to your fields with your necromancy books and teaching him the ways of contacting the dead. he listens attentively (which includes 99% staring at your lips and 1% listening. he can’t help it when they’re still red from the fruits you ate earlier, he even sneaks a few kisses in when your in thought— ultimately stopping you from thinking). not only can you contact the dead but you’re also able to travel through plants similar to the hades children, though it works just about the same and drains you just as much. luke lovingly scolds you every time you use this ability when it’s not necessary, he hates seeing you in agony regardless of what happened. and speaking of agony, persephone children can heal themselves with their plants easily, but luke also can’t help but worrying every time you hurt yourself or prick your hand on a thorn or whatever caused you harm, it’s just in his nature as your dear boyfriend
Tumblr media
357 notes · View notes
marsupials-of-mars · 1 month ago
Text
Was thinking about @ckret2 's bill when i wrote this, but it applies to bill more generally. I think the main thing people pick up on, maybe subconsciously, about their bill that makes him feel so accurate is that he feels.
A lot of people (and most people are guilty of this including me whether they mean to or not) tend to write him as a tragic immortal? In the sense that he's been beaten down by time and learned never to care about people, and has lost the ability to care.
And the first part of that is true!
He HAS learned never to care about people! In the tbob love page, he says its stupid to tie yourself to a mortal in a way where your happiness depends on them. He's LEARNED this. But he has NOT lost the ability to care. And he DOES care despite knowing he shouldn't.
He interacts with people genuinely, he legitimately enjoys the company of "lesser" mortal species, he has fun, he thinks about people when they're gone, he's taken lovers, he speaks in phrases hes picked up from past earth decades because he likes how they sound (ya dig?).
And some people are frustrated when he's written suave and unfeeling for this reason, because he is a goofball. But the thing is, he DOES act, in a way, suave and unfeeling when it comes to situations like Ford and Dipper. He plays up his "immortal deity" persona, constantly reminding them of all the knowledge he knows, PROVING his value to them.
But he gets mad! He falls in love! He jokes around because its fun! He gets stupid and reckless when he's upset! He burns bridges when he doesnt get his way! These are all insANELY short-sighted things for a trillion-year-old to care about!
This is why he can relate to people, and why he acts like a kid sometimes. I firmly believe that he stopped aging the day he destroyed his dimension (which is basically canon i think) not only physically but mentally. He legitimately cannot mature, cannot gain wisdom no matter how much he tries.
He has a lot of INTELLIGENCE and KNOWLEGE, but its like giving a child the library of alexandria and infinite time to explore. Sure theyll probably learn some things out of boredom or curiosity, but theres no curriculum. They COULD read it all, but why would they? That's boring and dumb and they want to climb the shelves and make book forts instead.
Now, more specifically about ckret2's Goldie:
He describes himself as a consumate extrovert. He hangs out with mabel and watches tv and goes to the Rainbow club. And while he does these things, he isnt thinking "this is so below me, why should i care about any of this?" He's just trying to have fun, and is knowingly fulfilling his social needs. He believes he and ford WERE friends.
And the most important part of this that im always thinking about is Bill claiming that being friends, enjoying peoples company, loving, playing, and all that is not mutually exclusive with being an all powerful god of destruction to be worshipped by all.
Which makes sense! Because he is INTELLIGENT and he knows that he's more powerful than these people, and he SHOULD be a being that demands their worship, and he needs to find something that lasts, and makes sense in the wake of INFINITY. But he also has the mind of a mortal, and he thinks the same way he always has. And with both of these insights, the ONLY thing that MAKES SENSE is to have his cake and eat it too. Focus on the big picture while also enjoying the present, SIMULTANEOUSLY.
Manipulating ford to his own end that leads him closer to his forever plan, while also bringing him to karaoke and falling in love. Securing his rule and reputation over the nightmare realm, being feared throughout the multiverse, having his fingers in as many pies as possible-- while partying with his henchmaniacs, drinking out of solo cups and flashing the cops.
Its the only thing that stops him from going crazy. If you have a mortal mind thats built to love and lose and feel and party and wisecrack, and you relinguish it to the horrifying prospect of timelessness, if you're always looking at the existential...you are not going to last a trillion years.
244 notes · View notes
superblysubpar · 28 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
modern!husband!steve harrington x wife!you
2,603 words
warnings: so like, technically, you don't have to read "We'll Call It Love" , my modern steve series, BUT you're missing soooooo much that got these two idiots here, so I really encourage you to do so. This scene is so so so much more fun if you know all that led up to it, I promise. anyways: | alcohol mentions, slight descriptions of use by reader | smut (public - you get caught *kind of* / fingering / piv unprotected intercourse - creampie / wife,mom,breeding, all the kinks from one Mr. Harrington) - 18+ as always
a blurb for the "Trick or Treat, Freak?" event - don't forget to vote for tomorrow at the bottom of the fic!
A/N: I just wanted to say again, thanks for loving We'll Call It Love so much. I actually got to go see the band COIN last night, the music that inspired the fic, the screenplay, and just...wow. I don't have other words for it. Idk, feeling very sappy for all of you today and this story that means so much to me. Thanks for being here, it was fun to revisit these two 💛 and *now* I'm done with them.
Probably.
Tumblr media
The day hadn’t been without its issues, but he’d expect nothing less, when it comes to the two of you.
First, there was Eddie’s girlfriend showing up in fake blood, late, covered in swatches of dark and gory fake gashes and goo all down her arms as she frantically rushed past him and shouted something about busy season and don’t worry, his bride was gonna look beautiful and not in a tragically haunting poetic way but in a romantic sunset kissed glowing kind of way.
Which, you did.
But then, there was an issue with the cake, which, wasn’t supposed to be a cake, but a bunch of peach pies. Robin and Nancy were whispering loud enough to bring him into the kitchen, both of their mouths snapped shut as Steve blinked at the largest solitary pie he’d ever seen. It was massive, comically so, and Robin was waving her hands at him, it’s going be fine spilling out of her lips that had just been freshly glossed for photos. Nancy was on the phone with a bakery and then Eddie was stumbling through the door shouting about canceling the order. He smiled at Steve and told him that you started crying which made him frown and start towards the direction Eddie had just come from, but his groomsman and your best man stopped him, assured him that then you started laughing, that you said your parents would have loved it.
Which, ultimately led to issue number three.
Robin had approached him slowly, fixing his tie, before she whispered that they couldn’t find you, but that there was a note, with his name on it. He had grabbed it with trembling fingers, only to find it didn’t say anything like sorry or I can’t do this, but a quote:
“I’ll have what she’s having.”
He rushed past Robin, shouted about being right back.
Steve found you on a balcony, which took a little bit of work, asking the front desk if anyone booked a room under Buttercup, or Allie, Kate, and ultimately Sally Albright. Then they wouldn’t give him the room number till he confirmed his name was Harry Albright, not Harry Burns. His breath caught in his chest when you turned to look at him, chin quivering and a quiet greeting for him before you started crying. It all ended alright, after you talked about your parents and him and all of it and he kissed you and made a joke about wedding curses. If seeing you in your dress before the ceremony already happened, where was the harm in a sunset balcony quickie?
You didn’t go for it that time, only grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room with you, asking if he was ready to get married.
Which he really fucking was.
The floor to ceiling windows overlooking the skyline had been good in theory, letting in the beautiful, breathtaking sunset as you said your vows. But they also let in the warmth, the room an oven, leading you to laughing during the ceremony and swiping at his temple with your handkerchief and Eddie fanning Robin while she officiated. And cried.
There was so much crying.
But it was perfect.
You were perfect.
“Sir?”
Steve blinked away from where he was watching you take pictures in the vintage photobooth, you, Robin, Nancy, and Eddie’s girlfriend were all crammed in, sitting on each other’s laps, to the attendant in front of him.
Perfect, but distracting.
“So sorry, what did you ask?”
The venue employee smiled, like he knew the look on Steve’s face well, and then he shook his head. “Nothing to apologize for, sir. I was just letting you know that all the gifts are put away and locked in the car downstairs as instructed by your wife. Anything else I can do for you?”
His wife.
Steve looked over at you again, sighing as you tilted your head back in a laugh at the images in Robin’s hand.
He smiled at the man in front of him and shook his hand, “No, thank you.”
You felt him before you saw him, or rather, smelt him.
Your body spun to find the source of the salty and fried scent to see Steve holding a container of fresh french fries and a smile and eyes that seemed to be perfectly made, and only for you.
“Hey Mrs. Harrington,” he kissed your cheek, lips lingered against your skin as he asked, “Hungry?”
“Starving,” you groaned, your body crumpled against his as you exchanged your glass of champagne for the fries you knew would end up being a great late night snack offered. Warmth filled your stomach at the sound of your new last name, like a lovesick idiot you swore you’d never be.
Steve lifted a fry to your mouth, eyes a deep burnt amber in the low reception lighting as he watched your lips part and steal the fry from between his fingers, his tongue with a mind of it’s own, swiping out over his bottom lip as yours brushed the pad of his thumb.
You snorted.
“You’re so easy, Harrington.”
Steve lifted the fries away from you, eyes glinting as you pouted and reached for them half-heartedly, content to just lean against his body instead as he joked, “Hey. We’re married. You have to be nice to me now.”
Warm breath hit his jaw as you huffed, “Well, if I knew that was the rule, I never would have said I do a few hours ago.”
A kiss was pressed to his neck despite your words, right against his two freckles, then a smile ghosted against his skin when you heard the low rumble in his chest.
Steve’s lips brushed your ear as he bent down, speaking softly, lowly, and sending the warmth between your stomach directly between your legs.
“Don’t start something you can’t handle, honey.”
Your head lifted, stares at one another challenging and hopelessly and sickeningly in love to anyone who was watching.
“Oh,” you laughed, quietly, leaned in to whisper against his lips, “I think I can handle you just fine, Mr. Harrington.”
He had you in the bathroom not even a minute later, one hand locking the door behind him and the other pressing over your mouth as you giggled.
Steve’s mouth was all over your neck as his hands found your hips, guiding you to the counter.
“You’re so beautiful,” words warm and sticky and sweet against your skin as your head fell back against his shoulder in a gasp when his lips found a new spot behind your ear. “Can’t believe I’m married to you. Can’t believe you said yes. Can’t believe you’re all-“
His hand smacked at your ass as he grabbed a fistful of it, scrunching up the fabric of your dress you could care less about now as he growled in your ear the word, “Mine.”
“Steve,” you hated how breathless you sounded, hated how he’d barely touched or kissed you and you were wrecked already, “Hurry.”
He whined into the crook of your neck, spun you and let his nose trace along the straps of your dress, across the lace covering your chest as his mouth followed, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.
Steve knelt, regretfully removing his lips from your skin so he could carefully lift your dress, handing it to you with a quiet, “Hold this, honey.”
He pressed a kiss to your check as you did what you were told, but then he got a proper look at you and your lip was captured between your teeth at his groan, from the way his hands ran through his hair.
“Fuck,” he sighed, as his finger trailed up your thigh and found custom, cream colored straps and shiny buckles and pretty lace you’d ordered just for him. “Look at you.”
“You like it?” The question answered by Steve’s own lip bitten raw, his fingers still roaming higher, up the sides of your cunt, already soaked.
“Baby,” Steve laughed, eyes cast down between your bodies, watching carefully as his fingers slipped beneath the wet lace. “Do I like it? I love it.”
“That’s,” your head fell back, exposing your neck his mouth was grateful for. Distracted by the way he dragged his fingers through you, swirled around your clit, the same way his tongue was against your throat. “Go-good.”
Steve pressed against your clit harder, humming against your skin where his mouth was still latched to when your body shook underneath him. Your thighs clamped around his hand, yours clutched at his shoulders with fistfuls of your dress still between your fingers.
He removed his fingers from you, quick to make work of his buckle and pants, aligning himself with you but hesitating just as his tip brushed against your entrance.
Steve looked up at you, under his lashes that cast shadows against pink cheeks dotted with freckles. He gazed at you with the kind of look that you imagined you gave a sunset. Admiring, awed, like you were taking in its beauty the first time every time. Like you knew your time with it might be fleeting, so you had to watch it every second so you didn't miss a single second of it.
He leaned in and let his lips brush over yours tenderly, deciding to take his time and forget the frantic pace you both had started with.
He murmured into your lips as they parted in a sigh beneath his kiss.
“I love you. So much. I think I’ve loved you since I saw you in that bar, I texted Robin about soul mates before I talked to you, I-“
You caught his top lip between yours, an over too quick kiss, but then you were speaking into the corner of his mouth, against his jaw.
“I love you too.”
Steve’s forehead knocked yours, your hips wiggled, making his dick twitch as you stared into each other’s eyes.
“Ready, Mrs. Harrington?”
The tip of your nose brushed his as your laugh bubbled out of you, voice all sarcastic and fond, “Ready? I’ve been ready, Steve. You’re the one taking his tim-ohmygod.”
Steve’s smug smirk twitched in front of you as he thrust into you while fake grumbling, “Me? How about you miss I’m gonna wait over a year to say I love-fuckyoufeelsogood…”
He rolled his hips, only getting deeper, and your thighs tightened on the outside of his, head thrown back against the mirror from the feeling of him inside you, which he followed. His lips skated over your cheek, your jaw, as he slowly pulled out of you and thrust back in.
Your mouth fell open with each drag against your walls that cling to him, that want him to stay there. A noise catches in the back of your throat every time he pushes into you, each time only harder and deeper as he babbled.
“Sorry, I wanted,” he grunted, mouth finding yours only to kiss you once and keep talking, “The first time I have sex with my wife to last, to linger, to-“
Your mouth captured his in a kiss this time, tugging on his bottom lip and gasping into his open mouth when he thrust faster, shallower, your name a begged breath between the two of you.
“Sorry, I didn’t want to wait anymore,” you whimpered, your dress left your fingers so you could grip the back of his head, card your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and tug, “To finally have sex with my husband.”
Steve moaned at the word husband, twitching inside of you, which made you grin at the way his hips stuttered, at the way his bottom lip pulled between his teeth.
“Yeah?” You gripped at the back of his head a little harder, knowing what each other liked now. He frantically pushed under the fallen dress to find your clit again with ease, trying to get the upper hand once more as you asked, “You like me calling you my husband, Steve?”
Your mouth brushed the apple of his cheek, it kissed his temple as he fell forward, thrusting faster and making quick figure eights against your nerves, gasping at your teasing.
“Wanna tell everyone I’m your wife? Tell ‘em I’m a Harrington?” Your stomach clenched at the thought too, at the pace which Steve slammed into you even harder, hips meeting in a filthy grind as your head knocked against the mirror. The thumps mingling with the sound of how you were coating him, all a little louder in the bathroom and only making you both a little more turned on.
His forehead pressed to yours as he nodded, lips of parted mouths catching every time he thrust. He moaned, he begged, “Yeah, yeah. Wanna tell them. Wanna…want…pregnant. Mine.”
Your back arched, hand searching until it found his, lacing your fingers together. His others grew sloppy against your clit, slipping over it as you nodded. Chest aching from his admission, from the way you sort of wanted it too, how it didn’t scare you as much anymore, not when it was him.
“Yeah?”
“Ye-yeah, fuck, honey, I can’t-“ Steve kissed you. Passionate and breath stealing as he held your lips to his like he’d wanted to all day. Your clasped hands hit the counter, the click of your rings together made you whine into his lips when they parted. You let him go, his name loud in the bathroom, echoing against tile and sure to be heard even on the moon as his hips stuttered when you clenched around him. Your stomach burned and your eyes blinked rapidly, sure you weren’t on the planet anymore from the amount of stars you could see as his warmth spilled into you.
It takes a second for you both to come back down to earth, for Steve to laugh, for you to press your hands to your cheeks as you looked down at the mess you’d made of yourselves.
Steve kissed at sweat kissed skin, tenderly cleaning you up as you joked with each other, sleepy eyelids and content smiles. Slow kisses that left you both sighing in between lingering touches that weren’t out of necessity, but just because you wanted to be touching.
Completely in love.
He helped you off of the counter and winced at the way your dress fell down all crinkled and obviously mussed. You shrugged before running a hand though his hair, messing it up even more than you already had, then you untied his tie and let it hang from around his neck saying something about it only being fair.
He grabbed your hand, fingers curled into yours as he kissed your knuckles and led you out of the bathroom.
Robin was the first to slow clap.
Your nose pressed to his shoulder, a groaned god dammit on your lips against his suit jacket.
Then Rocketman was blasted on the speakers, a loud “Annnnnnnd Buckley owes me one hundred dollars!” comes from Eddie at the bar, earning a smack to his chest from his girlfriend, which was nice, until she said “I get fifty of that and you know it.”
And it’s all fine, Steve doesn’t really care, because most of the guests are gone and you’re laughing and heading over to grab pie, flicking Eddie’s ear as you went.
Robin slid up next to Steve, shaking her head. “Wow. I really had faith in you Harrington. A bathroom? On your wedding night? I know you two are animals, but you couldn’t wait to have your wife in, oh, I don’t know, a private bedroom?”
Steve only smiled at the way Nancy handed you a water as you caught peach filling from your lip, while you played with the little ‘S’ dangling between your collarbones with your left hand, the large blue sapphire stone sparkling next to glittering diamonds in the light.
His wife.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
For those of you who don't know, Leather and Lace was an Eddie series I started when I first started writing for the fandom. I only posted two chapters, and I just fell out of writing it. It was something I was holding close to me, and I wanted to really tell it right. I've been poking at it a lot lately, and the story has changed so much, and I'd love to share it again soon. But for now, have a little blurb from it tomorrow, and I'd really love to hear what you think. This Eddie is a childhood best friend, an enemy, a stranger, and hopefully, one day, a lover. Okay, anyways, happy voting!
*voting will close at 10am CST tomorrow, 10/3
Tumblr media
316 notes · View notes
hanjsquokka · 21 days ago
Text
( 🎃 ) ⠀𓏔⠀ fall dates with bf! skz.
Tumblr media
stray kids ot8 × fem!reader (separately), fluff/humor , warnings : kissing/making out in felix's, pet names , wc : 2.6k
a/n : hyunjin's is actually based on something that happened to me with my family lol 😭 one of the most disappointing days in my life. i hope you guys like this <3 also this layout is inspired by my lovely deni @.hyunebunx 🩷🩷
Tumblr media
ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ CHAN ⸻ visiting a pumpkin patch
You and Chan planned a date to visit a pumpkin patch because you've never done that before. Your boyfriend was more than excited on the drive to the location, rambling about the different activities you could do. He made sure the two of you were dressed accordingly (and matching, obviously) before you headed out to the local pumpkin patch.
Halloween was one of your favorite holidays, but this was the first time you were going to go and buy pumpkins to decorate your home with, and supposedly learn how to carve them as well, according to Chan.
The farm was bustling with many people looking for the orange vegetables, taking photos and squatting down next to the big ones to see if they could lift them up. Chan was also one of them, wanting to show off the fruits of his recent workouts and easily picked up a very large bright orange pumpkin.
“Be careful, if you drop it, we have to pay for a broken orange squash,” you warned after he stumbled with one of them. “It's not a squash… is it?” He looked at you with a bewildered expression after you told him that it was indeed part of the squash family.
Afterwards, you sampled some of the desserts available in the stalls—from pies to cakes. You managed to convince Chan to take home a pie after you had a bite and swore you could never make something like this yourself.
The farm also had a corn maze, which you participated in and got lost after a few wrong turns. You almost gave up and decided to start a new life amongst the corn when Chan spotted a few other people and not so secretly followed them, holding your hand tightly in his, and finally exited the maze.
The two of you also won second place in a pumpkin carving contest, much to your boyfriend's enthusiasm. He carried the prize winning vegetable like a trophy with a red color ribbon stuck on it all the way back to your car.
ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ MINHO ⸻ camping in the woods
When Minho proposed the idea of camping, you were initially scared. Camping in the woods during spooky season? But, after he teased you for being a scaredy-cat, you couldn't let him win, which was how you ended up in the middle of the woods (in an allocated camping site), watching your boyfriend set up a tent because you were going to poke a hole with your clumsiness. You didn't mind him though, because it found it much more entertaining to watch him do the work. It was very attractive.
“Why do you keep looking at me like that?” He questioned when he caught your eyes on him while he was setting up the firepit. “Like what?” You asked back. “Like that stupid emoji with heart eyes.”
Unfortunately, you did not have a pillow to throw at him.
When night fell and the two of you sat side by side on foldable chairs, roasting marshmallows after your hearty campfire dinner (Minho was crazy good at everything related to camping, you wondered why he never asked to go camping with you before). “Be careful, it's hot,” he warned but you still managed to burn your mouth on the fluffy, toasted delicacy. “Idiot,” he chided. There was no malice in his words, only affection, you knew that as he took the stick away from you and handed a bottle of water.
He refrained from telling you a scary story, instead opting to lay down next to you on a blanket and stargaze while you went on and on about the constellations or whatever—he was just listening to your voice and not comprehending the information. When you got back in the tent, he grumbled when you snuggled up next to him, something about giving him even less space, but you smiled against his skin when you felt his arms coil around you and pull you close.
ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ CHANGBIN ⸻ go halloween shopping
Your boyfriend was going all out this year for the holiday, you understood that after the second hour you spent at the store, watching him sift through decorations for your home and for the party he wanted to host on the weekend.
“Bin… it's been hours and you picked out two things!” You groaned, pushing the shopping cart after him. The two things were two packets of chocolates. “I can't just buy anything. It has to be perfect, babe,” he retaliated, picking up a skeleton decoration and plopping it in the cart. Your date wasn't going as you expected, but amidst your frustration, you did find it endearing that Changbin was being so picky about find the perfect stuff.
You also managed to scare him with those jump scare witch things that suddenly pop out with you step on a button. You were laughing so hard your stomach hurt, which made Changbin annoyed, poking you to stop you from making his cheeks turn even more red.
Eventually you did stop and you continued strolling down the aisles. “Okay, Sexy Red Riding Hood and the Wolf,” he said, showing a costume, “Buff Peter Pan and Tinkerbell,” he picked up the last one, “or Barbie and Ken except I'm Barbie.” He smiled like those were the best choices. You let him choose, all of them equally amusing to you, to which he let out a happy giggle and put the third one into the shopping cart. You rolled your eyes, of course, and followed after him. He did finish his endless spree, and apologized for making you tail after him for so long by taking you to a coffee shop and buying you the season specials.
ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ HYUNJIN ⸻ driving to see the fall colors
It was your idea to go out to see the fall colors early morning on the weekend since the drive there would take a while. Hyunjin sat in the driver's seat, not exactly happy about being on the road at seven in the morning, but you told him it would be worth losing sleep. You saw multiple videos and posts on social media that told you that this was the best spot to see all the different shades of red and orange that the leaves were in, along with the rest of the scenic view and the sunset if you were able to catch it.
Well… the website was wrong. Not to be rude, but it was probably exactly the same as you could've seen in the park. Your boyfriend gave you the sassiest side eye possible when you two stood, looking over the railing along with a couple other people who joined on the trek up a mountain. The trees were mostly yellow or brown and very dull, nothing like on social media.
“My new inspiration is so… vibrant,” Hyunjin drawled. “I'm sorry!” You apologized quickly, feeling even more guilty for making him come here on his day off for absolutely nothing. “I thought it would look really pretty.” You frowned. You heard him sigh beside you before he slung an arm over your shoulder and you to his side, nuzzling his nose against your jaw. “I know… I know… It's okay. I didn't expect it to look so un-picturesque either.” He rubbed your shoulder over your coat when you frowned even more. He chuckled. “Don't frown so much, love, I like it better when you smile.”
Despite the disappointment, your day out wasn't all bad. You had fun singing (mostly listening to your boyfriend's sing) along with Hyunjin in the car with the windows down, trekking up the mountain and nearly falling into a pile of leaves, eating lunch at a place that was weirdly obsessed with grizzly bears and then driving back home.
While you were staring out the window, trying not to fall asleep at a red light, you noticed the trees, all of which were in bright shades of red and orange. You tapped Hyunjin on his shoulder and pointed to it and told him to go in the other direction that you were supposed to go in, which confused him but he followed and parked the car where you asked him to. You eagerly jumped out and dragged him along to see the trees, showing him that your date was not a total waste after all.
He painted a photo that he took of you a week later and hung it in the living room.
ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ JISUNG ⸻ having a harry potter movie marathon
You and your boyfriend were supposed to go to a movie theater to watch a horror film that was recently released, you'd been talking about it ever since you saw the trailer and you got even more pumped up when you saw it was releasing during the Halloween month. Jisung, however, wasn't as thrilled as you but never told you outright that he didn't want to go. But, after a few times of mentioning the film to him and not getting a enthusiastic response, you realized he might not want to watch a scary movie in the cinema (he told you he wasn't scared, but the last time you watched Coraline said otherwise).
So, on the day you were supposed to go, he was surprised to find you setting up for a movie night in the living room. “Aren't we going to be late, baby?” He asked, his steps slowing down as he neared the couch. There were snacks on the coffee table and blankets and extra pillows on the end of the couch. “What are you…?”
“Movie night,” you replied, a smile on your face. “I changed my mind. I borrowed my friend's DVD's of all the Harry Potter movies.” You watched the confusion on his face morph into a soft smile and then a big grin as he came over to hug you tightly and kiss your cheek before saying he needed to change into the proper attire—which were his Gryffindor pajamas, and settled down beside you, leaning his head on your shoulder and pressed play on the remote.
Watching these movies was much enjoyable for both of you, you realized that as you laughed along to Jisung reciting all the lines in a British accent, your face growing warm at the pure joy on his face. You made it to the fourth movie before he finally dozed off, his head lolling to the side. You carefully adjusted him so he was leaning on you and wrapped the blankets around closer before closing your eyes as well.
ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ FELIX ⸻ baking fall themed treats
“Chan said he bought too many pumpkins, so I'm trying out some new recipes,” Felix answered when you asked him what he was doing in the kitchen surrounded by an ungodly number of pumpkins and a few apples and a king ingredients. Which was how the two of you ended up in an impromptu baking date, making more desserts than you could eat in a day.
You worked side by side, although you weren't getting much work done because he kept tugging your hand and kissing you, flour sticking to your cheeks when he cupped your face and deepened the kiss. Safe to say, you were doing less baking, more making out, all thanks to Felix even though it was him who wanted to bake in the first place.
When the pumpkin cake was finally done, he slathered on buttercream before handing it to you and looked at you with hopeful eyes, you could practically see the tail wagging behind him as he awaited your opinion. You took a spoonful and immediately felt a warm tingle spread through your body.
“It's so good,” you let out a sound of satisfaction, closing your eyes for a few moments to savor the taste, and then eating some more. “I was scared you might've messed something up with how distracted you were.” You pushed the plate towards him, expecting him to eat as well, but he just pulled you in for another kiss, making you gasp into his mouth. “Tastes sweet,” Felix said with a nod, wiping his bottom lip with his thumb, looking at your flustered reaction with a smirk.
ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ SEUNGMIN ⸻ going to a haunted house
“This is a bad idea,” you said nervously as Seungmin pulled you towards the carnival attraction. Your local carnival had a haunted house set up since it was October, and while you had joked it was be fun to go there, Seungmin didn't seem to read your tone and took you seriously, pulling you along after spending some time at the game booths. “It's not scary, okay?” He said, chuckling at the way you looked at it with wide eyes. “Just hold onto me if you get scared.”
The haunted house was not not scary. It was in fact very scary. Whoever designed it needed a raise because not three steps into the house and you nearly jumped out of your skin as a ghost popped up in front of you. Even your boyfriend was frightened, you felt him jump a little, not as much as you, but he did jump. He cleared his throat, adjusting his coat and shook his head. “See, totally not scary. We must've triggered a wire.” You couldn't see his face because it was pretty dark, but he didn't pull away when you laced your fingers with his and held him in a death grip.
You took small steps, rounding a corner when there yet another jumpscare and you basically climbed onto Seungmin out of fear. There were no teasing remarks or comments, he was just quiet as you both kept going through the house. There was eerie music playing that just kept getting louder and louder, until you passed by a room, the door opening by itself with a loud creak and suddenly, a clown jumped at you. This time, both of you screamed.
When you exited the horror house, you both didn't speak a word until you were sitting down on a bench far away and mutually agreed to not speak a word of the incident again.
ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ JEONGIN ⸻ attending a costume party
There was no compromise with Jeongin. He would go all our for a costume party, especially since the one you were going to was hosted by one of his friends who said he had the best costume ever. Jeongin wasn't one to back down from a challenge, so he told you the characters you were going to dress up as, which made you raise a brow.
Beetlejuice and his wide Lydia.
In retrospect, it was a creative costume. You both spent a long time making the costume by yourselves and then the makeup on the day of the party.
“I feel like we're going to stand out,” you said, feeling hesitant to walk into the house. “Babe, it's a Halloween party. Everyone will stand out.” Jeongin assured you and led you inside. There were a lot of people, all dressed up just like he said they would, from old classics to characters from newer films. Many complimented the both of you, envious of your idea. Jeongin totally forgot about the competition with his friend and started enjoying himself, having drinks and dancing with you. He didn't know it, but his friend took one look and accepted his defeat (or whatever). There was a couples contest, in which both of you won first place, earning a large bag of candy.
But your boyfriend was too tipsy and busy staring at you with heart eyes to bother with the prize and instead was eager to get out of the party so he could have a proper look at his wife (he was taking the role a little too seriously) back home.
Tumblr media
TAGLIST : @stayconnecteed @starlostastronaut @ta3baee @caitlyn98s @bbokari711 @oddracha @n1nme4r @dprkbyn @sleepyleeji @realrintaro @starlostseungmin @frequentlykit @cookiesandcreammy @baby-stay92 @15092000volcano @starseungs @peterparkoure @katchowbbie @kayleefriedchicken
comment/send an ask/dm me to be added or removed from the taglist 💕 or fill out this form 🫶🏼
Tumblr media
©hanjsquokka | copying, translating or republishing my work is strictly prohibited
383 notes · View notes
doublebellyman · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Patient: Whatdayathink Doc?
Physician: You didn’t listen to a word I said at your last visit, did you? You promised to go on a diet and just look at you — your belly is almost to your knees!.
Patient: But I DID go on a diet Doc! You see, my life partner is this amazing baker and they’re always whipping up cakes and pies and pastries, oh and their homemade donuts are to die for — they’ve packed 60 pounds on me in no time — pretty impressive, huh Doc?
Physician: In only six months, that’s just not healthy …
Patient: What can I say Doc, the things you do for love …
Physician: SIGH
376 notes · View notes
luveline · 1 year ago
Note
if you're still taking them I would love to make a request for Eddie and Roan! do you know how sometimes little kids will call their parents workplace just to talk about the most random things or just ask some totally super important question? I feel like roan would do that with the reader and Eddie
thank you for your request!! eddie and roan —roan learns how to use the phone, 1.3k
Eddie used to feel nervous when the phone rang for him at work. "Call for baby Munson!" shouted across the shop while Eddie was usually flat on his back under a truck or elbow deep in a scooter engine, he'd get this pit in his stomach thinking something was wrong. 
It was usually daycare. Roan's sick, Roan's wet herself and her spare clothes aren't here, is Roan allergic to veggie sticks? Because she's saying she is. 
But nowadays, a phone rings for him and it's almost always you with something nice to say. You miss him. You've been thinking about him. All manner of gooey soft confession that has him clutching the phone like a loser, desperate for your voice. 
He springs away from his lunch when he's called. Darwin gives Eddie a funny look as he passes the phone. 
Eddie shrugs it off. "Hello?" he asks. "Y/N?"
"It's me!" 
Eddie feels his eyebrows leap up. "Hi, me." Roan hadn't ever used the phone unassisted, to his memory. "Where's mom?" 
"She's trying to fix your hair dryer." 
Eddie hears it, then, the roaring blow in the background. "Why does it sound like that?" 
"She dropped it. I think she's sad." 
"Ro, I fixed it!" you shout, followed by an even louder howling of air, and a heavy silence. "Okay, I didn't." 
"Is that why you called me?" Eddie asks, bemused.
"No, I called you because I want to know how they make corndogs. How do they get the hot dog inside of the corn, dad?" 
Eddie puts his hand on the wall to steady himself as he laughs. "You wanna know how they make corndogs? Are you gonna make some?" 
"I could if I knew how!" she stresses. "I'd ask mom, but she's pre-oc-u-pied."
"That's a big word, babe, where'd you learn that one?" Eddie asks, impressed. 
"Dad, corndogs!" 
"Right, right. Okay, well. They put the hot dog on the stick first, and then the corn part is actually batter. They roll the hotdog around in the batter and cook them together in the fryer. So it isn't the hotdog going into the corn, it's actually corn going on the hotdog." 
"Batter like for cakes?"
"No," he laughs fondly. "And it's not sweet corn, babe, it's something called cornmeal. Maybe we can make some this week, wouldn't that be fun? Then you can see how they make them for real. I think that would be super fun."
His bubbly tone attracts the attention and subsequent laughter of his colleague. He throws them all the bird, totally content and more than happy with his life and his curious girl. 
"Yes," Roan cheers, dragging the 's' syllable until she's out of breath, "oh my god that would be so fun!" 
"Okay, then that's what we'll do. Are you being good for mom?" 
"I'm being awesome." There's a weird crunching noise. "Did you hear that? I think she put the screwdriver in the hairdryer again." 
"Again?" Eddie asks worriedly. 
Roan must put the phone down. Eddie genuinely can't hear a thing, until you pick up the receiver and say, "Hallo?" 
"You blowing up the house?" 
You make a pleased noise that has his heart doubling in size. "Hi, Eddie. I'm having a technological mishap, but rest assured, we are in no danger of explosion. Anymore. What did you call for? It's lunch, isn't it?" 
"Actually, Roan called me. She wanted to know how to make corndogs." 
"You do know everything," you say. "Go and eat your lunch, baby. We'll still be here when you get home, yeah? I love you. Roan, come and tell daddy you love him before we hang up." 
A small silence. "Dad?" Roan asks. 
"Yep, still here." 
"I love you, okie dokie? Please come home in an hour."
Eddie laughs warmly. It's more like four hours, but whatever she wants to think is what he'll tell her. "I love you. Tell Y/N I love her, too, will you? Thank you." 
"Yes!" Her voice comes quieter, "I love you," Roan says to you. 
"I love you, too. Let's make dinner." 
You must think he's said goodbye, because the phone gets a knock and the dial tone sounds. 
You're sitting at your desk shovelling pretzels into your mouth while you click around your emails when the phone rings. You slide it between your ear and shoulder, pausing your frankly messy chewing. "Hello and good afternoon, Y/N L/N speaking, how can I help?" 
"Y/N?" Roan says worriedly.
"Roan? What's the matter?" 
"Oh, it is you! It didn't sounded like you at first, that's weird." 
"Sorry, gorgeous, I was using my voice for fancy grown ups."
She giggles like this is the funniest thing you've ever said to her, "You're being funny," she praises. 
You're secretly incredibly pleased. Making your six year old laugh never gets old. "So nothing is wrong, then? You know, those numbers on the fridge are for emergencies." 
"This is an emergency." 
"Yeah, I bet. What's going on? Where's dad?" 
"He's making toffee cake for you. I was helping him do the buttercream but my arms got tired from whisking." 
"Is that why you're calling me?" 
"Yeah." 
You dig for a saltier pretzel and chew thoughtfully. "What's the tiredest part? Your shoulders?" 
"And my fingers." 
"Asked daddy to kiss 'em better?" 
"I would but he's trying to be perfect about the cake. It looks yummy." 
"Did you get to lick the bowl?" 
"Yeah, and dad let me eat a spoon of the melted chocolate. It was pretty great." 
You grin into the receiver. "I bet it was amazing. Maybe you can try and rest your poor arms. Make daddy pour you a big glass of cranberry juice with the heart shaped ice cubes and watch TV until I come home, okay? That's an order."
"Okay," she laughs. "When are you coming home?" 
"I can leave in about twenty minutes, and the drive home takes another twenty, so…" You check the time on your computer. "I think by five." 
"Ugh, that's forever away." 
"I know. Do what I said, okay? Sit down on the couch. I can have a little look at your arms when I come home, maybe we can have a pamper night tonight. We can use some of my fancy lotion and rub it in like a massage," you say. 
"That sounds nice," she hums. 
"Alright, sweetheart. Listen, can I talk to dad before I go back to work?" 
"Yep, yep." You know what's coming as soon as she inhales. "Daddy!" she bellows at the top of her lungs, "Y/N's on the phone!" 
It's flattering how swiftly he gets there. "Hey?" he asks. 
"Hi, do we need anything for me to grab on the way home? I know you ran out of deodorant, was there anything else?" 
"Nothing I can think of. You okay?" 
"I'm awesome. I told Ro you'd make her a big cup of juice for her sore arms." 
"She told you about those, huh?" He kisses her audibly. "She's the best mixer ever. I was thinking we'd change her name to kitchen aid." 
You choke on a pretzel. Coughing, you laugh through a chastisement. "You leave her name alone. Roan is a nice name all by itself." 
"If you insist," he says grandly. "See you in an hour? I've got a surprise for you." 
"I can't wait," you say. You'll pretend to be totally surprised at his cake, no problem. Anything to make him smile. "Love you both. See you soon." 
"Love you. Say love you," Eddie prompts. 
"I love you!" Roan yells. "I'll make dad put your blanket in the dryer!" 
You put down the phone with a small smile, wondering if you can weasel your way past your eagle-eyed coworkers for an early finish. 
1K notes · View notes
egcdeath · 10 months ago
Text
how the cookie crumbles
Tumblr media
summary: when you come back home to austin to help your sister with her bakery, you end up in an arrangement with your high school crush that ends up being far more than you bargained for. 
word count: 11.5k
warnings: FAKE DATING, au: no outbreak, pining. so much pining and a touch of yearning, idiots to lovers, high school crushes to lovers, very hallmark-romcom esque, fluff, a touch of angst, more fluff, the reader has a sister but the sister doesn’t have a name, joel’s ex is kinda rude, alcohol consumption, cuddling, miscommunication kinda, unrequited love that’s actually requited love, no use of y/n, not beta read.
author’s note: this is my first fic back after taking my several month long break!! i want to give a big shoutout to my texas consultant and biggest cheerleader @cowgurrrl, who encouraged me to write, gave me helpful ideas, and let me dump my brain and my silly little ideas on her whenever <3
For as long as you could remember, you and your sister had been total opposites. As girls, your sister spent her time playing with dolls, experimenting with whatever new hairstyle on your scalp, and eagerly shadowing your mother in the kitchen, while you preferred to spend your time exploring the city on your bike, reading books in your hammock, and doodling whatever had caught your interest in your hourly. As you entered young adulthood, you were unsurprised as your sister married her high school sweetheart just months after graduating college before setting off to start her own business in Austin, while you moved as far as you could out of Texas and began a prosperous career in New York City. 
Regardless of the different paths your lives had taken, the minute your sister had even suggested that she might’ve needed help at her bakery, you were booking a flight back home. The holidays were a notoriously busy time for her business, with people wanting cakes and pies to display as their own labors of love at their family gatherings, or to have their children wake up to a dozen expertly decorated cookies under the guise that that was what their Elf on the Shelf had been up to that night. 
Given that you had no holiday plans other than drinking Bailey’s-spiked hot chocolate and watching reruns of your favorite season of The Bachelor, it seemed like a no-brainer to come back to Austin. Part of you was excited for your homecoming, to return to the vibrant personality of the city that was a far cry from the east coast city you’d grown to know and love over the years. The other part of you dreaded your return, not feeling particularly excited to have to run into peers from your adolescence while you were trying to peruse the shelves of your local Costco. 
You were welcomed with warm arms the moment that you walked through the door of your sister’s home—metaphorically and literally. She practically hugged you the entire way as you dropped your items off in her guest bedroom, then even more so as she directed you to her car, giving you all sorts of updates about your parents and her husband, but not allowing you to forget the whole reason that you’d come home in the first place. 
“You’re not hungry or anything, right?” she asked as she hopped into the driver's seat next to you. 
“I think I’m good. I ate at the airport,” you replied, slightly amused by your sister’s eagerness to get you to work immediately. Then again, you couldn’t exactly blame her when you thought about how busy she must’ve been. 
“Good! I’m gonna put you right to work then. How does frosting cupcakes sound?”
It sounded fine, and it was fine for the first few hours, until the angle of the piping bag started to make the newfound cramping in your hands unbearable, and your sister had to give you an impromptu tutorial on how not to make your rosettes look so… depressing. 
“Look, the Girl Scouts need this order in like, an hour, and my cashier is going home in a bit. Give yourself a little break to shake your hand out, or pee, or do whatever it is you have to do, then you can ring customers up. How does that sound?” she finally huffed, clearly just as frustrated with you for your inability to do a task that was practically second nature to her.
“Anything’s better than frosting these damn cupcakes,” you commented as you tossed your gloves into the trash. “If I never have to frost a cupcake again, it’ll be too soon.”
“I love you, which is why I have to tell you that you will be frosting so many more cupcakes in the next few days,” she laughed aloud, looking down at the army of baked goods in front of her that she was still working on meticulously frosting. “But you’ll get used to it. I’ll have Ben give you better instructions. He’s really good at this, for some reason. I’m convinced it’s because he went to art school.”
You groaned dramatically as you exited the kitchen, only to bother your sister if nothing else. After all, wasn’t it your job as a younger sibling to annoy your older sibling?
As much as you enjoyed doing random tasks that your sister needed done in the back, working in the front was definitely one of the better aspects of working at the bakery. There was far less technique involved in doing anything, and when there was downtime in the storefront, you got to passively scroll on social media, turning your brightness down so you could secretly cyberstalk people from your high school in peace. 
Being that you were distracted by the phone in your hand, you paid no mind to the shrill sound of the door’s bell as it opened. As you finished up looking at someone’s engagement pictures, you glanced up once before doing a complete double take.
“Hey, I’m just here to pick up the Girl Scout order-”
There was no way. 
You hadn’t seen that face in years. Hell, you hadn’t thought about that face in years, despite your mild obsession with him as a teenager. 
Joel had been the definition of so close, yet so far. You seemed to always be in his orbit, butterflies in your stomach every time he leaned over his desk to ask you a question about the material or to poke fun at one of the weirder quirks your teacher had. Yet, just as you’d finally worked up the nerve to confess your feelings to him, word got around the school that he was becoming a father. After many pints of ice cream and late nights of your older sister comforting an inconsolable teenage you, you’d finally gotten over the man, letting his memory become a funny anecdote you shared to friends to display your terrible luck in love. 
As much as you hated to admit it, he looked good. Obviously, he was much older now, but much to your dismay, he’d aged more like wine than like milk. Donning a new beard that somehow managed to make him even more handsome and biceps that strained against the sleeves of his shirt, he looked far more attractive than you could ever even remember him, his mature look a good one.  You were sure his wife loved looking at that striking face in the morning, before she set off to take care of their adorable young daughter. Their perfect little family, still holding up despite the test of time.
You had gotten so caught up in your thoughts, you’d barely registered the fact that Joel had said your name in a tone that held a mixture of excitement and disbelief. 
“I haven’t seen you in years! Since high school?” he asked, despite already knowing the answer. The surprise of seeing him, let alone seeing him looking so good led you to smile dumbly and shrug. “Wow!” he remarked.
“It has been a really long time,” you grinned involuntarily, practically feeling yourself revert back to your younger, immature self simply at the sight of the man standing across from you. “How are you? How’s the family?”
“We’re good. Sarah’s turning 13 soon, which is really exciting,” Joel explained, setting a hand on his hip as he did so. You swore you could see the fondness for his daughter as he spoke. “It feels like just yesterday I was feeding her bottles and carrying her around in a sling.”
“I know, they just grow up so fast,” you agreed, as if you’d had any sort of experience in the field. The fact that Joel still had this effect on you, one that made you want to follow him around like a lost puppy and agree with every word that came out of his mouth was mildly concerning to you—particularly because he clearly had a wife and a child. 
“They really do. You have any of your own?” Joel asked, looking deep into your eyes and making you want to melt into a puddle on the floor.
“Me? No,” you dismissed before following it up with,. “I’ve been pretty focused on my career, so it’s not exactly the best time for a family. To be quite honest, I think my cats do the trick plenty well.”
“You’re still so responsible,” Joel complimented, stirring something up deep inside of you that you promptly wanted to push right back down. “Clearly, I didn’t do any family planning. I’d say it worked out pretty well, if you don’t count having to get divorced just a few years after getting married.”
This piqued your interest. You could almost feel the teenage version of yourself cheering internally at the news that Joel and the mother of his child had split. She’d always been a bit of a bitch to you, so to hear that the two of them had split had sounded like music to your ears.
“Man, that’s too bad. I always thought you two would be the one couple from our school to make it,” you lied through your teeth, hoping that your entertainment wasn’t too obvious.
Joel chuckled and shook his head, smile lines appearing seemingly out of thin air, and unfortunately making you melt on the inside, just the slightest bit. 
“That’s really too bad. I mean, what happened with you guys? If you don’t mind me asking,” you were definitely taking a risk with this question, but you were hoping that the reward of the answer would be worth every bit of boldness you put together to ask. 
“We just had… different ideas for our futures,” Joel explained what you could only assume was a very condensed version of what had actually occurred. “You know, she’s actually in town right now.”
“I hadn’t realized she’d left town. Should we keep our voices down then?” you asked jokingly, although it would be quite awkward if his ex wife walked in while the two of you were talking about her. 
“No, we’re good,” Joel chuckled. “Sarah really wanted to see her for the holidays, and it wasn’t like I could say no to that request. Although, getting Naomi to actually come was a bit like pulling teeth. I’m sorry, this is way too much information. What about you? Any special people in your life?”
“No, Joel, you’re all good. You know how much of a gossip I was,” you offered him a genuine smile. “Unfortunately, no. Funnily enough, the thing I was dreading most about coming home is having my mom constantly on my ass about bringing home a good man.”
“I get it. It’s exhausting seeing all the PDA whenever Naomi and Henry come back. It’s like they’re rubbing in that we’re so happy together and you’re still all alone.”
“Assholes,” you remarked, rolling your eyes to show Joel just how on his side you were. “I’m sure you’ll find someone someday. I mean, both of us will. Then maybe my mom will stop bothering me and your ex will finally stop acting all high and mighty for being in a relationship.”
“I can only hope,” Joel sighed. “Well, I apologize for dumping all of my holiday woes on you when I really should just be picking up some cupcakes.”
“Oh no, I apologize for holding you up. I’ll go grab that order for you,” you said before walking off to the back, where your sister had just finished putting the final touches on the order. 
“Perfect timing,” she remarked, stepping back and running her arm against her slightly damp forehead. “Who were you talking to back there?” 
“Oh, no one,” you dismissed, not ready to hear her reaction. “Just giving good customer service.”
The look she gave you told you loud and clear that she didn’t believe you, but it would be a conversation for another time. Since she didn’t seem interested in pressing, you took it as your opportunity to grab the large, pink box, and bring it out to Joel.
“Here’s that order for you,” you said politely. “It was good seeing you today.”
“Yeah, you too,” he said, happily taking the slightly heavy box when you offered it to him. “How long will you be in town?”
“Into the New Year, I think? Maybe earlier, maybe later,” you shrugged. 
“We should get together sometime. Maybe get a coffee or something and properly catch up? I would love for you to meet Sarah, too.”
“Yeah, that sounds great,” you grinned, begging yourself not to revert back to your younger, naive self, but not exactly being able to fight it at the same time. “Well, if you ever need me, I’ll probably be here.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said as he headed to the door. “See ya!”
As soon as the door jingled, announcing Joel’s departure, you let out a deep breath that you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding. 
Fuck. You could not be feeling this way about a man you had a crush on in high school.
-
Your sister always seemed to have a sixth sense for when you were getting antsy, so one evening as the two of you worked on closing the storefront, she pulled you from the monotony of sweeping the floors while listening to the sound of her new favorite pop artist to send you to the grocery store and retrieve a few items that she needed more of. 
With her company card safely secured in your wallet, a short list scribbled out on a pink post-it note, and your hands closely grasping the handlebars of the cart, you amaturely navigated the grocery store, unfamiliar with the locations of the items that lined the shelves after years of not visiting Austin.
The evening in the grocery store brought you a sense of serenity, with the rush of urgent people looking to pick up the one ingredient they forgot for dinner mostly gone. After packing your cart full of sticks of butter and bags of sugar, you headed off to the get your final item, relieved to have had a mostly successful trip without running into anyone you knew in your youth. 
But just as you had this thought, you caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of your eye. Dark hair and beard imprinted in your mind after your brief interaction with him just one day ago. You did your absolute best to pretend you didn’t see him as you inspected a bag of flour, keeping your head lowered, and gaze averted. Yet, your efforts were futile, as just moments later, you heard your name called aloud as the man approached you. 
“Hey!” he said cheerily, blissfully unaware that you were attempting to use the ‘if I can’t see you, you can’t see me’ method on him just moments ago. “Long time no see.”
“Yeah, it’s been like forever,” you added on, looking into his eyes and almost immediately regretting your decision as your gut was immediately consumed with a swarm of rabid butterflies. “What’re you doing here?”
“Grabbing some groceries,” he answered sweetly, despite that being the obvious answer to your not-so-great question. 
Duh. What else did people come to the grocery store for? What a stupid question. See? Joel just made you so… stupid! Even after all of the years you’d spent apart. 
“Sarah wanted to try making some Christmas cookies to bring to her mom, so…” he trailed off, gesturing down at the flour that was now in his hand. “Got any tips on the best flour to get?”
“That’s definitely more of my sister’s wheelhouse. I just do whatever she needs me to do, like go and get,” you glanced down at your list before continuing for comedic effect, “White miso paste.”
Joel smiled fondly at your joke, only making your insides melt further. 
“Remind me to stop by and try whatever has that white miso paste in it. Sounds interesting,” Joel grabbed a package of all-purpose flour and tossed it into his cart, before leaning on his cart. 
Fuck. Why did he have to be so endearing, with his smile lines and his kind eyes, and his insistence on treating you like you were the only other woman in the world, despite the other woman customer just standing feet away from you two.
“I definitely will. Has your number changed in the past thirteen years?” you asked, not sure what had gotten into you with the slightly flirty move. 
He shook his head, his eye briefly catching on something and causing him to pause in his movements before he returned to the conversation, now looking slightly off in a way that he hadn’t looked just a moment ago. You were so stupid. Of course you trying to flirt back would’ve backfired. You needed to excuse yourself before you managed to embarrass yourself any more than you already had. 
“It has not,” he confirmed, smiling at you once more, but not looking like his heart was completely into it. “Any chance you’re checking out?” 
“I am!” you said a little too enthusiastically, which Joel responded to by somewhat urgently beginning to walk to the check-out lane. Given that he hadn’t told you goodbye, you followed him like the lost puppy that you were around him. 
Just as the two of you stopped in line and had mostly finished checking out, Joel finally seemed to unclench from whatever he’d seen (or whatever you’d said) that had bothered him before. Yet, as soon as it was over, you noticed that same tension washed over him once more. 
“Oh, Naomi. Henry,” Joel said, his tone taking a complete 180 from what he had just had with you moments ago, and his change in demeanor suddenly made sense to you. “Didn’t realize you two were in town yet.”
You glanced over to the woman who had seemingly appeared out of thin air to ruin your moment with Joel, just like she had done in high school a million times over. Who you hadn’t recognized was the man next to her, looking a little too put together for someone who had likely just gotten off a flight and was headed to the grocery store.
“Joel,” she said artificially sweetly, the one singular word drenched in annoyance. “We just got in. We’re grabbing groceries for the hotel.”
“I didn’t realize chocolate chips were groceries,” Joel muttered to himself as he evaluated their basket. You were slightly surprised by the sass he had seemed to equip out of nowhere, a far cry from the southern charm he had displayed with you in your past interactions. You desperately wanted to leave the situation, which was clearly none of your business.
“Surely, you remember your ex-wife having a sweet tooth,” the man on her side replied defensively, wrapping an arm around her protectively. 
“Something like that,” he replied, glancing over at you with an expression that you couldn’t quite read. 
With tensions boiling over with just a few words stated, you finally decided to step in, impulse and instinct guiding you. 
“Hey honey, I think we need to get going,” you said, internally cringing as the words left your mouth. Joel’s now wide eyes made contact with your unsure ones and your furrowed brows as you attempted to tell him to just go with it without a single word. 
The good thing for you was that Joel was a quick learner, and his hand quickly found the small of your back. Something in Naomi’s expression changed, just for a moment, before she went back to her stone cold facade. You hoped that Joel caught it, the same way that you did. 
“Yeah, we don’t want to keep you too long, since we’ll be seeing you plenty this holiday season,” Naomi replied, flashing you a fake smile. “I didn’t realize you two were together. I’ve never heard Joel say anything about you.”
You were sure the sentiment was supposed to hurt your feelings, but you were more unsurprised by the sentiment than anything else. 
“Some of us like to leave our personal lives personal,” he shot back, glancing at you before bringing his glare back to his ex-wife. 
“Well, that’s cute. I remember, you had the biggest crush on Joel back in the day. Glad you two ended up together,” she laughed and your stomach dropped. Were you that obvious in the past? “Anyway, we’re gonna go to a less busy lane. See you at dinner, Joel. And maybe you, too?” She looked you up and down, and for a second you felt like you were in the hallways of your high school once again, trying your best to avoid the passive aggression of a particularly mean girl. 
“Right. Bye,” he said simply, watching the pair walk away as if he were scared that they would turn back around at some point and bother Joel some more. 
“Fuck,” he muttered aloud as soon as they were out of earshot, his hand falling away from your back and back to his side.  
You immediately launched yourself into a rambling apology, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep or anything, they just looked like they wanted to eat you alive and-“
“No, no, don’t apologize. I appreciate what you did back here. I mean, you saw the look on her face when she thought we were together?”
“Oh yeah,” you laughed out, which also acted as a cover for the deep sigh of relief you needed to let out. “Is she always so shocked when she thinks you’re dating someone new?”
“Well, I haven’t dated much since the divorce,” he explained as the two of you began exiting the building. “So I guess I didn’t really know what to expect. But it totally delivered.”
You couldn’t help but smile as the two of you walked out to your cars together and Joel confessed that not only was he single, but that he hadn’t really seen anyone. Not that it really mattered to you, considering that the two of you had absolutely no shot together. 
You weren’t exactly sure where Joel had parked, but he’d offered to help unload your groceries into your car, and you weren’t exactly going to decline that offer. 
“Thank you, again for helping me out tonight,” Joel said as he helped place bags in the trunk of the car. “Is there anything I can do to repay you?”
“Actually, there is one thing.” 
— 
Every year, you absolutely dreaded your family’s holiday celebrations. Specifically, the celebrations where you showed up without a date, and had to spend the night downing eggnog to drown out the sound of your family asking you when you were going to settle down and bring a grandchild, or niece, or nephew into the family. 
But this year, you didn’t have to worry about that issue. After running into Joel at the grocery store and briefly pretending to be his partner, he’d agreed to do the same for you at a family holiday party, and to be completely honest, you couldn’t be more excited. 
“Again, thank you,” you said to Joel as he opened the passenger door to his truck for you, politely standing at the side of it as you got in. 
“It was really the least I could do after you saved my ass back there in the store,” he dismissed, closing the door behind you before getting back into the car. 
“I mean, I couldn’t just stand there and let you suffer,” you explained, glancing over at the man as he settled into the seat and started the car. He’d certainly dressed up more than usual for the event, a nice red sweater nicely complimenting your green sweater, and his hair styled nicely. For a second, you thought about your younger self, and how she probably would’ve given anything for a night like this—to just play pretend with Joel just for a moment, since he clearly didn’t see you the way you saw him. 
“Well, I appreciate it,” he dismissed, sending you a quick, charming smile before beginning to pull out of the driveway. “Anything I need to know about your family?”
“Oh my god,” you laughed. “Where do I start?”
You more or less talked Joel’s ear off on the drive over, filling him in on family members to avoid; overbearing aunts who would attempt to examine him like a lab specimen, uncles who would try to quiz him on his knowledge of local sports teams, and the occasional family friend, who seemed to be just as crazy as your actual kin. Joel listened politely, taking in all of the information, and throwing in some commentary every now and then, but surely making mental notes on who to try to avoid. 
Once you finally arrived at the car-lined street, Joel once again opened the door for you like the gentleman he was, before allowing you to lead the way to the christmas-light adorned house that was clearly bustling on the inside. As the two of you walked up to the porch, Joel looked at you rather earnestly. 
“Did I scare you in the car? I promise they’re not all that bad,” you began to attempt to explain, nerves bubbling in your stomach as you thought about how Joel surely wanted to go home. 
“No, no, you didn’t scare me,” he assured you, reaching over to brush a stray hair out of your face. “I just… I never got the chance to tell you how good you look. I wanted to say something when you first got in my car, but I guess I got scared. You always look good, but you kinda took my breath away.”
Fuck, you internally groaned. Why did he have to tell you that? Was he just trying to get into character or something? You couldn’t even gather the words for how it made you feel before the front door was swinging open with one of your favorite aunts at the door greeting you. 
“Hello, my love!” she practically squealed as she pulled you into a hug. “And who is this?”
“This is my boyfriend, Joel,” you introduced, only slightly alarmed at how easily the word rolled off your tongue.
“Hello, ma’am,” Joel said warmly, setting out a hand for her to shake, which was rejected in favor of a hug. He was clearly a bit caught off guard by it, but also clearly a little into it. 
“Sorry,” you whispered to him once she let go and the two of you were ushered inside. “We’re a hug family. I probably should’ve warned you about that on the ride over.”
“I don’t mind, I promise,” he assured you, gently grabbing your hand and looking to you for some sort of assurance. You smiled at him then subtly nodded, lacing your fingers in between his in an act that you hoped would be as practical as it was performative.
As the two of you navigated through the house, you made pleasant small talk with all who you encountered, with you proudly introducing Joel as your boyfriend, and him taking the lead in introducing himself from time to time. After an exhausting hello tour, you had finally made it to the kitchen for drinks, something you’d surely need if you were going to keep up at this rate of socialization. 
As you grabbed Joel the beer he’d requested and began to spoon out ladles of the bowl that was tape-labeled ‘ADULT Punch’ into your own cup, you were slightly surprised that you’d finally ran into your mother. 
“Hi honey,” she squealed, pulling you into a hug. “How long have you been here? You avoiding me?”
While past experiences of being single during the holiday season and having to interact with your mother often ended up with you suffering for the entirety of the night–or an entire week, like the time she tried to set you up with a coworker’s son–you felt a newfound confidence with the knowledge that Joel was just a few feet away from you, diligently playing the perfect boyfriend.
“We just got here,” you giggled at her typical overbearing self. For once, your guard was down, knowing that she would not be attempting to set you up with anyone, or hounding you about coming home and settling down with a nice local. 
“We?” she asked dramatically, brows raised in surprise. “Is your sister somewhere around here, or something?”
“Don’t act so surprised,” you feigned offense as she stepped back to look at the two drinks in your hands. “I brought my boyfriend,” you glanced back at Joel, who was right where you left him, making enthusiastic smalltalk with one of your cousins about the Cowboys game. Like a good little fake boyfriend, upon catching your eye he excused himself from his conversation and walked over to you and your mother.
“Mom, this is Joel, my partner,” you explained, as your gentlemanly fake boyfriend grabbed your mother’s hand and gave it a polite kiss. You certainly hadn’t forgotten about his charm back in the day, but to watch it up close and personal after so much time had passed was undoubtedly having a bit of an effect on you. 
“I’ve heard all about you. Pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” he gushed. You had to give credit where credit was due, Joel was a great actor. You’d given him a bit of backstory on your mom on the ride over to the house, and you’d certainly discussed her while the two of you were students, but definitely not to the extent that he was playing up.
“So nice to meet you,” she replied, her cheeks warming at her interactions with the man. Joel was laying it on thick, but it seemed to be working for her. “Miller, right?”
“Indeed,” he confirmed, flashing a pearly white smile at your mother. As you watched the interaction, you were doing your best to keep it together, partially wanting to laugh out loud at Joel’s overdramatic chivalrous act, and partially wanting to melt into a puddle over just how alluring he was.
“Then I’ve also heard a lot about you. My daughter had the biggest crush on you in high school! It’s so funny that you’ve ended up together now. I suppose God’s timing is always right?”
Your eyes grew wide and your mouth gaped open for a second as your mother reinforced your little secret that Joel had heard from someone else just a few days ago. Suddenly, you were feeling a lot less like a liquidy puddle, and more like the bark of a firm tree–if that tree could experience mortification. If you didn’t need it before, now you really needed that drink. He glanced at you and smiled cheekily before looking back at your mother. 
“So I’ve heard,” he said with a smirk, clearly biting back a laugh. You were going to kill your mother. And maybe Naomi too, while you were at it. In fact, you might just add yourself into the mix. It certainly couldn’t hurt. Or at least, it would hurt less than the discomfiture of your fake boyfriend hearing from everyone about the huge crush you had on him. 
“Mom! I think your other daughter just got here. Why don’t you go say hi to her and Ben?” you suggested, knowing that the best way to prevent her from embarrassing you any further was to distract her with the idea of embarrassing her other child in front of her significant other.  
You clearly knew your mother well, because the strategy worked well enough to get her off your tail. You passed Joel his beer as he watched you closely, the same mischievous smirk lingering on his face long after your mother had left. 
“Crush, huh?” he teased you, causing you to shake your head as you took a healthy sip from a deceptively strong punch. 
“Shut up,” you groaned. “Please.”
As the night went on, you realized that you couldn’t have picked a better candidate to pretend to be your boyfriend at a family gathering. Joel was quite sociable and polite, even more so with a beer in his system. He didn’t even mind entertaining your family members on his own as you went off and caught up with the few members of your family that you could tolerate for more than a few minutes at a time.
Following a rather chaotic series of discussions including when you and Joel were getting engaged (never, I mean, in the next few years. Probably.), the most romantic thing you’d done (backpacking through Europe, according to Joel), and what it was like reconnecting with your high school crush (fucking fantastic), you’d finally lost track of Joel. You did a quick lap around the house before bumping into your sister and cousin, the latter of which desperately described her need for air. 
The three of you huddled together outside on the deck, the spot where you seemed to find yourselves at almost every family function regardless of how fun or stressful it ended up being. While you were enjoying the mayhem of the party and enjoying your time with Joel even more, it was nice to have a little break from it all. 
“I can’t believe you’ve been home for just a few days and you’ve already gotten your childhood crush wrapped around your finger,” your sister laughed, comfortably leaning against the railing of the deck.
“That’s the power of working for a Fortune 500. All of the men in your hometown just want a sugar mommy for a little bit. Get some presents for the kids and wife for free,” you joked. 
“You’re kidding?” your cousin asked, her brows furrowed in a mixture of confusion and intrigue. 
“I’m kidding,” you confirmed. “You know, we aren’t even actually dating,” you confessed, lips and tongue loose from your second glass of punch. 
“What?” your cousin and sister exclaimed at the same time, the two of them suddenly very alert.
Even in your not-completely-there state of mind, you could tell that you had made a mistake telling your secret. It was now very likely that the entire house would know the truth within the next hour, or that you would not be hearing the end of how terrible an idea the whole ordeal was for months on end. 
“I figured you two just hit it off, or had some long distance thing going on?” your sister questioned, peering at you curiously as if your face would reveal some sort of information about your arrangement.
“Nope. It’s kinda a long story, but I guess the short of it all is that we’re pretending to be together for the holidays so certain people get off our asses,” you said casually, finishing off your drink and looking out into the backyard rather than making eye contact with either of your kin. 
“Fair enough,” your cousin sighed, finally relaxing once more. “If I wasn’t already seeing Will, I’d probably do the same.”
“Are you sure this is a good idea? He really broke your heart,” your sister asked, grabbing your arm to attempt to force you to look at her, and staring at you with concern. 
You were sure you could imagine what was going through her head in the moment, the vision of your heartbroken teenage self and the sound of your prolonged sobs as you questioned what your crush saw in her that he couldn’t see in you.  You really couldn’t blame her for being worried. She was your older sister, after all, the task of protecting you instilled in her from the day you left the womb, and clearly not gone now. But things were different now. You were all adults, you had more life experience and perspective, and most importantly, whatever was going on between you and Joel wasn’t real, regardless of how much you might have wanted it to be.
“Yeah, when we were eighteen. I think it’ll be fine,” you dismissed, as if anything was ever that simple. 
“And he seems like a sweetie now. I think my own parents were wishing I brought him home for the holidays,” your cousin, ever the peacekeeper, added as she attempted to diffuse the quickly escalating tension between you and your sibling. 
“He was also a sweetie thirteen years ago when he led you on, then got someone pregnant,” your sister snapped back with a huff, crossing her arms over her chest and turning her back to you. 
“Okay, that’s enough,” you declared, watching your breath float away in a cold puff of air. “Can we go inside now? I think my toes are gonna fall off.”
After a side eye from your sister and a nod of agreement from your cousin, the three of you headed back inside, where you made quick work of grabbing yet another drink and finding the fireplace.
A few couches were arranged by the fireplace, some filled from edge to edge with sleeping, snuggling children who were exhausted by the excitement of a holiday party, others with some of the older members of your family who simply needed a break from it all. Among them all, you were surprised to find Joel, enthusiastically talking to none other than your father. 
Your father was probably one of the most difficult people in your life to impress. He’d maybe told you that he was proud of you a total of five times in your life. Yet, he looked content, hell, happy as he spoke to your fake boyfriend. 
Part of you felt bad as you found your way to the empty spot on the couch next to Joel, but you were cold, and you weren’t going to pass up on the opportunity to warm up by the fire and the man that you had found was a bit of a human furnace. 
When Joel caught sight of you, he smiled and beckoned you over, and you made quick work of maneuvering yourself past the coffee table between the couch. Once you sat down, Joel surprised you by greeting you with a gentle peck on the lips. The action temporarily shocked you, and you desperately hoped that the feeling was not reflected on your face. The naturalness of it all almost felt as if you’d done it a thousand times, and you tried your best to suppress the part of you that wanted to do it a thousand more. 
“Hi honey,” Joel greeted you sweetly, his hand almost immediately finding yours. It all felt so right, and if you weren’t so endeared by him in the moment, you certainly would’ve been mildly panicking. 
“It was nice meeting you, Joel, but I’m old and I’m tired, so I’m gonna head out,” your father explained, giving you a half nod as he began to stand up. 
“Bye, dad. I’ll see you on Christmas?” you asked him, ignoring the panicked look that Joel was certainly sending your way. 
“Sounds like a plan. Love you. Get home safe,” he bid the two of you farewell before leaving without much other fanfare.
“Why didn’t you tell me that was your dad?” Joel asked you, looking at you with wide eyes. You laughed a little bit at his panic, finding the dumbfounded look on his face more adorable than you’d like to admit. 
“Thought it might’ve come up in conversation, or something,” you shrugged, suddenly feeling the exhaustion of the day, mixed with the criminally strong punch set in. “Why do you care so much? Trying to make a good impression, Miller?” you teased. 
“You’re the worst,” he groaned, then laughed as you snuggled up to his side. You weren’t exactly sure whether the laugh was coming from discomfort or relief, but with the bone-deep cold you were feeling and alcohol in your system, you couldn’t exactly bring yourself to care. “You’re also really cold. Are you okay?”
“Mmm, you’re really warm,” you replied, settling against his warm body unconsciously.
“Someone’s feeling the punch,” he replied, wrapping an arm around you as you closed your eyes. 
“It was way stronger than it needed to be,” you agreed in a murmur against his sweater. “Thank you for being such a good fake boyfriend tonight.”
“It was actually pretty fun. I like your family a lot,” he confessed, trying his best to maintain eye contact with you despite the fact that you were in the express lane to dreamland and your blinks were beginning to turn into miniature naps.
“Everyone liked you too. I owe you,” you yawned, dropping your head from the soft fabric of his sweater to the denim of his jeans.
“Mhm. Wanna head home?” he asked.
“How’d you know?” you responded as Joel chuckled above you. 
The ride back home was a mostly quiet one, with Christmas music playing softly on the radio and you dozing off in the passenger seat. Every now and then Joel glanced over at you, and the few times that your eyes were actually open, you wondered what it was that he was thinking. Was he checking up on you to make sure you were still alive? Probably. But you just swore there was something else in his eyes, something you’d seen when Ben looked at your sister, or when your parents looked at each other. 
But that was probably just the exhaustion speaking. 
Once you arrived at your sister’s place, Joel made quick work of helping you get inside safely, even helping you get to bed at your own insistence. Even in your not sober and exhausted state, you knew that you didn’t want the night to end. Even in your less than ideal state of mind, you knew that the way you were feeling about Joel was unsustainable. 
The soft, dim lighting of a restaurant that felt fancy even for you seemed to beam down on you, encouraging little beads of sweat to collect at your forehead and the creases of your arms. As much as you were desperately trying to maintain the appearance of being cool and collected, your staccato breaths, wobbly smile, and the rapidly appearing perspiration were quite clearly selling you out. You couldn’t help but to stare down at your menu like it was the most interesting thing in the world, the intimidation of sitting across from your fake partner’s ex-wife’s heated glare far more intense than what you’d expected. Far worse than sharing a brief, yet artificial moment of PDA in a grocery store, and far more than you expected to be able to handle. Yet, Joel had done the same for you, and really, it was only fair that you would do the same. 
After the Christmas party, you hadn’t really expected to hear anything else from your date. As far as you knew, Joel had only agreed to play pretend with you for one night, and as fun as that night was, it was all fake. 
As much as you hated to admit it, your sister was maybe, just a little bit right about the whole ordeal not being your best idea. You couldn’t help but think about the two of you at the party—how he’d held your hand like your hands were two pieces of a puzzle that were made for each other, how he cuddled with you on the couch and looked at you with such genuine concern when he thought you might not be well, but above all, you were stuck on his confession to you, about how beautiful you looked and how scared he was to tell you. 
You couldn’t believe that you were still making these kinds of stupid decisions, the type of decisions that made you want to lay in bed all day with a pint of ice cream and a soap opera playing on the revision, and not do work—the very work that you came back to Austin to do. 
But despite your urge to shut down, you tried your absolute best to do what you set out to do. You spent hours tossing ingredients in mixers, whipping egg whites into stiff peaks, and narrowly avoiding burning yourself as you took trays out of the oven. Only at the end of the day, as you wiped your forehead with a flour-covered arm and checked your phone did you realize that you’d missed a call from Joel. 
After a quick call-back and an explanation to your sister that you would no longer be third wheeling the night’s tree-lighting ceremony with her, you had somehow managed to renew your little agreement with Joel. Your task being a performance of being the perfect, dream girlfriend to Joel Miller, a task that you hoped you would be up for.
But as you sat at the table next to Joel, nearly sweating your mascara off, you began to question the extent of your capabilities within this particular role. 
“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Naomi began, the sharp wing of her eyeliner and the depths of her eyes feeling like they were poking and prodding into you, searching for any weakness or insecurity to be exploited. “What are you up to these days?”
“Well, apart from making the most of my time with Joel,” you looked over at him with what you hoped appeared to be adoration, but probably came across more accurately as the fear you were experiencing, and grabbed his bicep–what you hoped to appear like a fond move, but was something more like you bracing onto him for dear life. “I’m a consultant in New York City. It definitely takes up a lot of my time, but it also feels like every second of free time I have, I’m spending it on the phone with this one.”
You and Joel chuckled, your choked out laugh feeling far more artificial than his. You hoped to whatever powers above that you would somehow manage to convince the couple across from you to believe a story that you could barely even believe yourself, although, with the way that Naomi was still glaring at you, you doubted that being the case. 
“That sounds fun,” she replied, leaning forward slightly as if she was ready to sink her teeth into you two and absolutely tear you apart. “So how’d you two reconnect?”
Joel, clearly sensing your discomfort, came to your rescue with a quick, preplanned answer. “Remember when I took Sarah to Manhattan earlier this year?” Joel began, averting his gaze from you and onto his ex, who now shot Joel a pleasant, yet, rehearsed smile. 
“Mhm,” she replied, seemingly already entertained by where the story might end up going. 
“Well, we ran into each other at a coffee shop a few blocks away from her workplace and really just hit it off. The rest is history,” he said, turning his attention back towards you.
“You two were hitting it off in front of our daughter?” Naomi asked, the slight tilt to her head and hint of smirk on her face revealing that her question was less out of concern for their child, and more out of taking an opportunity to antagonize the two of you.
“It was more like reconnecting. I swear, Joel is the only person in the world to think that recommending my favorite bagel shop in the city is flirting,” you attempted to save, not wanting to be labeled as a threat to their child just a few minutes into dinner.
“To my credit, you were selling it pretty hard. You were practically saying, ‘come with me to get bagels tomorrow,’” Joel added on, seemingly lighting up as the two of you added more and more to your fake meet-cute.
“Next time you visit we’ll get all the bagels you want, my love. We can even split them Lady and The Tramp style,” you giggled, feeling your cheeks warm as you imagined you and Joel at the opposite ends of one cream cheese filled bagel.
“Okay, yeah, I get it. I was just joking, anyway,” she replied, clearly fed up with the two of you.
“Sorry,” you apologized, actually feeling a little bad about how long your little bit had gone on. “What about you two? How’d you and Henry meet?”
“It’s actually a pretty cute story,” Henry spoke up after being a passive spectator for an uncomfortable period of time. “Noms had just moved out west a little bit after the divorce, and the two of us met in a yoga class. I accidentally took her yoga mat, and it was… what did you say earlier? The rest was history?”
The two of them shared an intimate laugh, one that indicated that they were referencing some sort of inside joke, just as you and Joel had earlier after you’d shared what you’d been doing with your life since high school. You glanced over at Joel, his pressed smile and slightly furrowed brows a clear indicator that he was not impressed by the two of them. Thankfully, before the tension could go any further, a kind waitress interrupted the conversation with the simple question of whether or not your table was ready to order. 
Shortly after ordering, the conversation picked up once again. While you occasionally were able to ask a question or two about the couple sitting across from you, it above all felt like you and Joel were being interrogated about the nature of your relationship. Lies easily flowed from both of your tongues, sandwiched between fond looks shared between the two of you as if there was no one else in the room, and stolen moments of physical affection that seemed to warm you from the inside-out.
As the two of you added more and more onto your story, the more you began to yearn for the more intricate details of it all to be true.
You wanted to receive a bouquet of flowers on your doorstep from someone almost two-thousand miles from you, just because he’d been thinking about you. You wanted to have a reason to come back and visit the city you grew up in, and to learn about every new hole-in-the-wall shop that had come to mean a lot to him. You wanted to take on his hobbies, and have him take on some of yours despite you both being terrible at them, solely because you knew that the other cared about it. The longer the night went on, the clearer everything became: you wanted all of this and more with Joel, but you’d clearly never be able to have him. 
It was no longer a question to you of if your arrangement should end, and had clearly become a matter of when it was going to end. No matter how much fun you were having holding Joel’s hand under the table and feeding the man next to you bites of scallop, you knew it wasn’t sustainable to be feeling so strongly about a situation that had been doomed from the start.
You were undoubtedly treading a very thin line between getting your hopes up for what wasn’t, but could be, and savoring every last second you had with Joel, pretending to be something that the two of you were very obviously not. With the arrival and passing of dessert, and the final spoonfuls of a split chocolate cake, you’d realized that your time with Joel had ended; a conclusion as bitter as the dark chocolate garnish on your shared plate.
The two of you held hands once more as you walked out to his car, fingers lingering together even after the couple you’d been putting a show on were safely tucked away in their own vehicle. You didn’t talk much on your ride back home, the air thick with a tension that made you wonder if Joel had come to a similar conclusion of his own during dinner. The radio filled in the silence where words lacked, covers of Christmas songs filling in for the conversation that surely should’ve been occurring. 
After a ride that felt like it had lasted forever and no time at all, you had finally arrived at your sister’s place, the final resting ground for whatever your relationship had been.
“Thanks,” you said as you unclipped your seatbelt, wanting to rip the bandaid off and leave as quickly as humanly possible, while also lingering in his car forever. “Have a good night.”
“Yeah,” he looked at you for a moment as if he had something more to say, but was holding his tongue. Taking one long look at your face, then offering you a weak half smile, he spoke once more. “You too.”
-
Though you were mildly disappointed when you didn’t hear back from Joel, you couldn’t say that you were particularly surprised. Everything about your final encounter in his truck indicated that the very brief chapter in both of your lives of pretending to be what you both were not was over. Still, you couldn’t deny the remnant ache in your chest when your father asked where your boyfriend was over Christmas dinner, or the pathetic way that you secretly hoped every ring of the bakery door would deliver you Joel Miller, much like your first day back in Austin did. 
Once again, you attempted to drown yourself in your work, working from open to close at your sister’s bakery and ending the day with sore legs, flour in your hair, and an intense desire to never consume anything sweet ever again. You somehow even managed to convince your boss to let you clock a few virtual hours at your actual job, spending all of the time that you were not at the bakery in your temporary bedroom, doing whatever tasks would set you ahead by the time you returned to work.
You realized you weren’t being particularly subtle with the fact that you were trying to distract yourself from something, and while your sister did her best to be whatever it was that you needed during such a bizarre time, she didn’t exactly press, though you were sure she had a bit of an idea of what was making you feel so down. 
“Hey, I have a catering job for us,” she informed you one morning as the two of you worked side-by-side. 
“When? You remember I’m leaving tomorrow, right?” you sighed, hoping your sister recognized your mild annoyance as less with her, and more with your time in Austin as a whole. You desperately wanted to leave, but you’d promised to stay until the new year began, when orders typically began to slow down. (“Resolutions,” she told you over the phone as you prepared to come back home.)
“Of course I remember,” she shook her head playfully as she spoke to you. “It’s tonight. At the Spoke. They’re doing some New Year’s Eve thing, and I think it’ll be fun.”
“I think maybe we have two different definitions of fun,” you commented, continuing to roll out the piece of dough in front of you.
“Oh, come on. What were you going to be doing anyway?” she pressed you, her attempt to get you to get out of the house clear as day now. “Working in your bedroom during your break? Sulking for reasons you refuse to share with me? Watching episodes of The Bachelor that you’ve seen a hundred times already?”
“Ugh, okay, okay. I’ll do it. We’ll do it,” you finally conceded.
“Good! Now, do you want a coffee? We’re gonna have a lot of trays to finish today.”
You couldn’t deny that it made you feel a little bit better knowing that you had somewhere fun to go that night. Despite living in Texas for the first portion of your life, you’d never had the opportunity to go to any sort of dance hall, and though you’d probably be spending the majority of your time distributing cupcakes to people, you were excited to be doing something fun regardless. 
After your longest and final shift at the bakery, your sister hugged you as tight as she could manage and thanked you for everything you’d helped her accomplish this holiday season, before sending you back home to get dressed up for the dance hall. After deciding to go full cowgirl with your attire, you peered in your sibling’s closet for any article of clothing that you could borrow for the night, and ultimately left her closet with a completely different wardrobe.
Even as you and your sister arrived at the dance hall early to set up, patrons were already beginning to flood into the venue. Their excited energy was contagious, and you couldn’t help but feel invigorated, your downtrodden feelings being replaced with much more positive ones.
As the night went on, you found yourself having more and more fun, whether it was from distributing pastries to rosy-cheeked dancers who paused to take a break from the floor, or flirty gentlemen who took the brief moment of your fingers touching over a distributed cupcake to ask to buy you a drink. While you were sure that you would’ve had a decent time doing nothing at home, then popping a bottle of champagne at midnight, the night was certainly shaping up to be a memorable one. 
Time seemed to be flying by as you stood by the table, offering cupcakes to whoever passed you by. It wasn’t long before Ben arrived, and your sister was excusing herself from the table to share a dance with her partner. You watched the two of them with adoration, thinking of how you would love to have someone to come sweep you off your feet and offer to dance with you–well, someone other than a sweaty patron. As much as you’d tried to convince yourself over the years that you weren’t cut out for relationships, your trip and weird fake dating arrangement with Joel had made you realize something of the opposite. Maybe you’d be ringing in the New Year with a Hinge download. 
After passing out the final cupcake you had, you began to break down boxes and put away some of the other items you’d brought to help the distribution process go more smoothly. With your back turned to the dance floor as you dropped leftover napkins into a plastic bag, you were surprised as you heard a familiar voice greet you from behind.  
“Joel?” you said as you looked up at the patiently waiting person, surprised to see his face after such an abrupt ending and a period of radio silence between the two of you.
“Hi,” he said, almost shyly. 
“Hi. Sorry, we just ran out of cupcakes” you stated, trying to pretend that things were business as usual between the two of you–whatever business as usual meant now. 
“I don’t…” Joel trailed off before ditching the idea altogether, surely figuring that whatever he had to say was more important than an explanation of how he was uninterested in the treats you were serving. “Can we talk?” 
“I mean,” you hesitated for a moment, wondering if it would be better to avoid everything altogether and simply move on with your life. You could simply tell him no, hop on a plane the following afternoon, then never think about Joel again. It would all be so simple and easy–the exact opposite of what your relationship had spiraled into during your time back in Austin.  “Yeah. Sure. Let’s talk.”
The truth was, as easy as you would’ve liked it to be, you were intrigued by Joel’s nervous body language. As he shifted from foot to foot and subtly picked at his hand, you imagined him walking into the hall with his friends, or whoever it was that he came with, seeing you, and immediately going to leave the venue, only staying from the coercion and peer pressure of his peers. You imagined him spending the night working up the nerve to come say to you what was left unspoken the last time the two of you talked, hoping that the beers in his system and all of the dancing would finally get enough jitters out of him to finally address you. 
“I’m all ears,” you shrugged, crossing your arms over your chest in a subconscious protective measure. Even though he could do no physical harm to you, your brain was all too aware of the damage he’d done to your heart in the past. 
“I’m sorry. For everything. For not reaching out to you after our dinner, and for being an oblivious idiot in high school. And I guess, for being an oblivious idiot now,” he began to blather, glancing down nervously at his shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.
You were surprised by his words and slightly unsure of what to say, or even think in response. Now that you had heard his apology, you were beginning to have an idea of the direction that this confession was likely going to take, and you couldn’t tell if you should be leaping for joy or finding the nearest exit. Maybe you could figure out a way to do both, jumping and skipping as you left through the fire exit.
Joel began to search for his next words and you tried to ignore the racing heartbeat in your chest as you attempted to search for your own. Just when you were thinking that it would be impossible for your situation to get any more uncomfortable, a man slightly shorter than Joel and who oddly resembled him sauntered up to the table where the two of you were attempting to speak.
“It’s gonna be twelve soon! Come dance!” the man shouted at Joel, his accent heavy and his words slurred as he grabbed onto Joel’s flannel sleeve. Joel shot him a dirty look, one that clearly communicated his annoyance, but didn’t exactly scream surprised. 
“Not now, Tommy,” Joel reprimanded, his gritted teeth and tense demeanor making you want to laugh–if not for his reaction, then over the surrealistic nature of the scene. Mere moments into some sort of apology or confession, the two of you had been interrupted by his intoxicated acquaintance asking him to dance. 
“Yes now, Joel. C’mon, lighten up!” the man practically whined, eliciting an exasperated eye roll from Joel. He looked back at you with tense shoulders and worry in his eyes, and you couldn’t exactly tell if he was looking for backup or sympathy. Instead of responding to him with either, you gave him a shy shrug of approval.
“We can talk while we dance?” you suggested, part of you hoping that maybe the distraction of doing something else while you spoke would make your conversation a little less difficult. 
Taking Joel’s hand, you followed the men out to the dance floor, where Tommy had disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared to interrupt Joel’s confession. Part of you wondered if this had been premeditated, or if Joel’s drunk friend was simply not able to read the room.
“Before we start, I have a confession of my own,” you began, hoping that what you were about to say would at least lighten up the mood of your conversation. Clearly, the two of you struggled with communicating your feelings, and you hoped sharing what you were prepared to share would at least be helpful in opening up a line of communication.
“Yeah?” he said hopefully. You tried your best to fight the smile that was threatening to appear on your face at the sound of his tone, but ultimately failed.
“I don’t have a damn clue how to do this,” you confessed, glancing over at the pairings around you moving together as if they had done these steps a million times–and knowing your town, they probably had. 
“It’s fine,” he said without an ounce of judgment in his voice. “I’ll teach you how.”
And he did, his mouth pressed closely to your ear as he counted off numbers in time with the live band just a few feet away from you, and directed your body left, right, back, and forward until you finally seemed to get the hang of the dance. Though there was still an elephant remaining in the room, dancing seemed to be successful in alleviating some of the tension that lingered. 
“Is it okay if we continue our conversation?” Joel asked as the two of you took a synchronized step back. Your eyes were trained on your nearly matching boots, and the thought of having to face your feelings–or the lack thereof–made your stomach churn. Once again, you began to consider the most efficient exit routes.
“Of course,” you replied, doing your best to mask the nerves that had bubbled right back up as you finally met his eye. 
“I was so excited to see you, when I found out you were back in town. I guess there was still part of me that wondered what things might have been like if things were different. Then I saw you in the store, and we started doing… whatever we were doing, and I just kept wanting more. It just felt so real, too real, and I started wanting more than what I could have. I mean, you live so far away, and even if you didn’t, I’m sure you have romantic prospects all over the place. Why would you settle for me?”
You almost couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Joel still thought about you? He had begun to want more in the same way that you did the more your fake relationship progressed? He thought he wasn’t good enough for you?
“Joel-” you began, his name slipping off your tongue involuntarily. You desperately wanted to dispute his claims, but he didn't let you finish. 
“I guess I just wanted to apologize for how I acted. I didn’t want you to assume that things ended how they ended for any other reason other than me making terrible decisions as usual.” Once again, it was Joel’s turn to look uncomfortable, and you couldn’t exactly blame him after what he shared with you. 
“I accept your apology, but it wasn’t all your fault. And you’re not an idiot,” you clarified in between a spin, finishing your sentence as Joel pulled you back to him. “I was disappointed, but I understood. Honestly, I was starting to feel the same way with you. Our fake dating was starting to feel a little too much like real dating, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up when you were clearly uninterested.”
“But I’m not uninterested,” Joel looked at you with a glimmer of hope in his eyes, which only seemed to be highlighted by the fact that his arm was draped across your torso, a welcome result of the spinning move. “I want to try, if you want to try. The distance is a hurdle, but we can give it a shot, at the very least. We can visit each other when we get the chance. We can watch the same episodes of The Bachelor, then discuss it afterward.”
“Oh my god, who told you about that?” you remarked, interrupting his big speech. 
“Your sister. At the Christmas party,” Joel replied, his cheeks flush with the adrenaline of sharing his feelings with you and the excitement of dreaming of a future with you.
“She’s unbelievable,” you murmured, shaking your head the slightest bit before Joel continued.
“But that’s besides the point. We can send each other delivered gifts, and can talk to each other every day, like what you told Naomi.”
“What I told her when I was lying?” you asked with a laugh, reminiscing on your dinner.
“Well, yeah… But it doesn’t have to be a lie. I can come visit you, and you can come visit me. We can get bagels at your favorite shop when I come to the city. I can teach you how to dance when you come to Austin. Maybe it’s crazy, but I think we can try. Should try.”
“I would like nothing more than that,” you confessed, an honest truth that seemed to light you up from the inside. Hearing Joel’s almost crazed rant about how passionate he was about trying made you a little less afraid of your possible future together, and a whole lot more sure about your feelings for the man. 
“Then let’s do it. Let’s do it right this time,” he said as the music finally came to a conclusion, being swapped out for none other than the chant of a countdown. 
Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. 
As cheers of ‘Happy New Years’ rang out, Joel gently directed your face towards his, your noses and foreheads pleasantly bumping into each other. As your lips finally touched, it felt as if two puzzle pieces designed for each other and meant to be together had finally fallen into place, the rumble of fireworks outside celebrating the long-awaited union between the two of your bodies.  
In the past, the affection the two of you had shared had felt real, but deep down you were aware that it was nothing more than a farce. A façade to trick judgmental exes and prying family members. But this time, the affection was different. 
The growing warm feeling in your chest, the electric sparks on your skin where Joel was touching you, and the look of admiration in his eyes once you’d finally pulled away told you everything you needed to know. 
This was real.
884 notes · View notes
b3ach-bunn7 · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST
Texts with your best friend Touya (who’s a little bit in love with you)
no quirk au <3
—————————————————————————-
January 9th
8:47 pm
You: OH TOUYAAAAA
You: it’s nearly ur bd 😁 what shall I get u
Touya: Nothing
Touya: Just Ur love 😍
You: ew
You: shall I get u some new earrings
You: OH I COULD PAY FOR ANOTHER PIERCING
Touya: Literally where
Touya: I think I’ve pierced every available location on my face
Touya: Unless… You meant somewhere else 😳
You: EWWWWWWWW
You: UR SUCH A FREAK
Touya: I meant my belly button?
You: stfu
Touya: Get your head out the gutter
You: shut up pooya
Touya: Wow you really got me there!
You: HUSH
January 12th
8:39 am
You: bruh where r u
You: homeroom started like ten minutes ago
Touya: I just woke up
Touya: Leaving onw buy shoti is lissing me kff
You: okay English!!!
Touya: Kys
You: but you can type that right…
January 12th
1:40 pm
You: Touyaaaaaa
You: can we go get food
You: the canteen stuff is rubbish today
You: plz I’m so sos is so hungry I’m dying
Touya: Fatty
You: HEY
You: SO MEAN
Touya: I’m only joking sweetcheeks
You: gross
Touya: You love it
Touya: Shiggy wants to come 2
Touya: Is that Ok
You: sigh fine I guess
Touya: Shall I tell him he’ll be third wheeling if he does 😳
You: yes 🥰🥰🥰😍 he just can’t interrupt our time together my sweet
Touya: Ew
You: you love it
January 13th
7:40 pm
You: GST ON MINECRAFTTT
Touya: I’m doing homework
You: I’m doing your mum OHHH
Touya: Woah
Touya: Telling her u said that
You: PLZ IM JOKING
You: I’ll tell her ur telling porky pies
You: Rei would trust my word over urs anyways 😈
Touya: Lowkey she would
Touya: My own mother 😢
You: I’m just better ig
You: how long r u gonna be
Touya: Give me like fifteen mins
You: BOO
Touya: Bro Aizawa is up my ass rn
Touya: If I hand one more piece of work in late he’s gonna acc kill me
You: idk why u hate him so much
You: i love him
You: and he has that sexy teacher look🤤 those luscious locks
Touya: R u sure u can get off his dick long enough for us to play
You: HAHAHAH
You: STFU
You: ur just jealous
Touya: So very
Touya: Why aren’t u hyping ME up like that
You: cause u smell?
Touya: I’m not playing
You: IM JOKING
You: U smell so good and yummy
You: like cigarette smoke 😍
Touya: 🙄
You: sassy 💁‍♀️
Touya: Stop distracting me so I can work
You: okay smelly
January 15th
2:30 pm
Touya: Y/N
Touya: Y/n
Touya: Y/NNNN
Touya: Queen
Touya: Sweetheart
Touya: Angel
You: if you throw one more piece of paper at my head I’m blocking u
Touya: You won’t check ur phone
Touya: How else can I get ur attention from across the room
You: WE R I. CLASS
Touya: So?
You: think I figured out why Aizawa doesn’t rate u
You: pay attention
Touya: But I miss u
Touya: And I’m bored
You: U LITERALLY SAW ME LIKE HALF AN HOUR AGO
You: AT LINCH
Touya: Ur point?
You: omfg
Touya: So what’s up
You: I’m gonna kill you
January 17th
6:50 pm
Fuyumi: Hi Y/N
You: hey fuyumi!!
You: everything okay?
Fuyumi: Yeah, it’s great!!
Fuyumi: Just wanted to tell u that everyone needs to be at ours for Touya’s party at 5:00
Fuyumi: We’ll tell him to come home at like six so that gives us some time to get everything ready
You: beautiful
You: do u think he has any idea were throwing him a party 🤭🤭
Fuyumi: I don’t think so 😆 we have been very careful
Fuyumi: Even shoto has kept his mouth shut
You: yeah I had to threaten twice a couple times before he promised to not tell
You: IM EXCITED
Fuyumi: Me too!!!
Fuyumi: Can’t wait to see u 😊
You: I can’t wait either!!!
Fuyumi: I hope he’ll like it
Fuyumi: We’re getting mum to drive all across town to get him that cake he loves
Fuyumi: I really want him to have fun
You: don’t worry babe he will have fun
You: and if he doesn’t I’ll force him to 😈
January 17th
7:00pm
Touya: U guys r throwing me a surprise party right
You: what?
Touya: For my bd
Touya: Fuyumi is being all suspicious
Touya: Told me I have to leave the house tomorrow but also come back at six oclock??
Touya: And the little brat keeps giggling at me
You: uhm don’t call little shoto that
Touya: Ur deflecting
Touya: They r throwing a party aren’t they
You: they aren’t
You: idk why you think that
Touya: Y/N
You: WHY DO U HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING
Touya: Lol
You: please please don’t tell them you know
You: they’re so excited for do this for you
You: [screenshot attachment]
You: look what Fuyumi said to me
Touya: Oh
You: please don’t spoil 😔
Touya: Don’t worry your pretty little head
Touya: I won’t
You: YAY
You: LOVE U
Touya: Ly2
January 18th
12:00am
You: [audio messsage]
You: enjoy me whisper singing happy bd to u
You: HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYY WOOOOO
You: LOVE U THE MOST
You: okay I need to sleep we have school tomorrow
January 18th
3:07am
Touya: Thank you y/n
Touya: Ly the most too
January 18th
6:15 pm
You: Touya where tf r u
Touya: I’m On my way!
You: we’ll be On your way! FASTER
Touya: STFU
You: U STFU
Touya: U TOLD ME TO MAKE THIS BELIEVEBE
Touya: MY FAMILY WOULD NOT BELEIWV I GOT THERE ON TIME
You: wait ur right lowkey
Touya: exactly
You: well walk faster
Touya: I’m not walking
Touya: I’m driving
You: HOW TF R U TEXTING ME
Touya: Imd riving one handed?
You: GET TF OFF UR PHONE 😭
January 19th
12:04 am
Touya: Y/N
Touya: Thank u for gifts
Touya: The strap for my bass
Touya: And the necklace
Touya: I lowbe them
Touya: and the aprty was so fun
Touya: I lovwd it
Touya: and I lobe you
You: that’s okay 😁
You: are u drunk rn🤔
Touya: Snuch out with bawks
Touya: Hrwks
Touya: Hawks
Touya: Raided fathers liquoye supply
You: you went to your dad’s house????
Touya: NO
Touya: never
Touya: stolen from when he was gere
Touya: fukcing loser 😂😂
You: where r u guys?
Touya: hawks house
Touya: his oarents arent home
Touya: u wanbawcome over
Touya: I’ll kuck him out
You: u can’t kick hawks out of his own house 😭
You: why do u even need to kick him out we’re friends
Touya: he flirst with y so much
Touya: flirts
Touya: pisses me off
You: awwwww r u jelly 🥺
Touya: yes
You: LOL
You: yeah maybe lay off the the drinks buddy
Touya: I live u
Touya: love
Touya: I loved the gifts u got me rhwnks
You: you already said babe
Touya: sorry baby Im so drunk
You: okay I’m going to go before you say something you’ll regret in the morning
You: goodnight birthday boy
January 19th
1:05 pm
Touya: Please erase last night from ur memory
You: last night was a movie 😍
Touya: Yeah a fucking horror
You: HAHAHA
Touya: My head is killing me
You: painkillers?
Touya: Idk where they r and Hawks is sleeping
You: did u guys just wake up 😭
Touya: I think I slept like at like five am
Touya: It’s nice smoking inside a house and not in some alleyway so mum doesn’t catch me
You: BOO
You: ur lungs hate u
Touya: I hate them back
Touya: It’s why I smoke
You: LOL SHUT UP
Touya: Fuck my HEAD
You: that’s what he said
Touya: Ew man
You: you love it
You: go drink some h2o
Touya: Enough chemistry in too tired
You: sigh fine
You: go get some WATER 💦
Touya: Fine
You: bye baby 🤪
Touya: I’ll kill you
You: but I thought you love me??
Touya: Ur dead to me
You: HAHHA
January 21st
7:06 pm
You: Touya
You: can I come over plz
Touya: Erm what 😳😳😳
You: seriously
You: can I
Touya: Yh ofc
Touya: You okay?
You: yh
You: well no actually
You: my dads being my dad again
You: I just can’t be in this house rn
You: I need to get away from him
Touya: Yeah u can anytime
Touya: Yk my family loves u
You: thanks
Touya: You want me to pick u up?
You: nah I wanna walk
You: thanks again
You: love u
Touya: Ly2
January 29th
5:28 pm
You: [image attachment]
You: BRUH HOW DID I LOSEEEE
You: I ATE SK BAD
Touya: Bruh get off dress to impress 😭
Touya: U r beefing ten year olds rn
You: idgaf
You: ten year olds who can’t fucking dress
You: I actually hate this game
You: that is NOT STEAM PUNK WHAT THE FUCK
Touya: Maybe get good
You: maybe kys???????
Touya: Words hurt 😔
You: man up?
Touya: Woah
Touya: Okay just perpetuate gender norms..
You: define perpetuate?
You: YH that’s what i thought
February 6th
7:06 pm
You: bro
You: all my friends have valentines apart from ME
Touya: Get good?
You: okay and where’s urs?
Touya: texting her rn 😍
You: omg 😳
You: but on a real I feel horrifically left out
You: Toga keeps flaunting it in my face
Touya: That little freak got one?
Touya: Who
You: yk that girl in 1-A with the chubby cheeks
You: they r so cute omg
You: how come toga has a lesbian lover and I’m jobless and hoeless 😔
Touya: I can help with one of those things
You: u hiring???
Touya: I’ll be ur valentine
You: I can’t tell if ur joking
Touya: I’m not
You: do u have one romantic bone in ur body
Touya: I can think of one 😳
You: LMAO EW
Touya: Nah fr I’ll be ur valentine
You: okay…
You: ask me properly tho
Touya: Okay
Touya: Hey Y/N
You: oh hi Touya! What’s up
Touya: Will u do me the great honour of being my valentine?
You: 😊 yes!
Touya: Thank you 😊😍
February 10th
2:02 pm
Touya: Omg
Touya: Y/N guess what
You: don’t text me in class lil bro
Touya: Someone asked me to be their valentine 🤪
You: what
You: Who
You: is she in our homeroom
You: did u tell her ur mine
Touya: Woahh
Touya: Jealous much
You: no I just don’t want to be a side piece 😔
Touya: No Dw I told her I’m urs 🥺
You: shush
You: yk what I meant
You: who was it tho
Touya: Idk some girl in my maths class
Touya: She seemed pretty sad when I said no
Touya: The ladies love me
You: she’ll get over it!
Touya: LOL
February 14th
8:03 am
You: OMG
You: ARE THESE FLOWERS MINE
Touya: No I got them for ur dad actually
You: TOUYAAA
You: THEYRE MY FAVS
You: THANM U SM
Touya: Anytime Valentine
February 14th
1:20 pm
Touya: Meet at my car
Touya: I’m taking u out for lunch
You: thank gosh
You: they’re selling some mystery meatloaf type deal and I’m no happy
You: hawksy wants to come too
Touya: No
Touya: Just u
You: girl he’s not gonna do anything
Touya: No this is like
Touya: Hold on
You: okay hawks is looking at his phone and typing
You: r u texting him
You: okay he magically doesn’t wanna come along anymore
Touya: Aw :((
Touya: I’m waiting outside
You: see u in a bit smelly
February 14th
1:50 pm
You: ur such a child
You: IM RIGHT IN FRONT OD U JUST TALK TO ME
Touya: NO
You: WHY
Touya: IK SCARED
You: I can see u smiling
Touya: Shut up
Touya: Okay listen
Touya: If u don’t like what I’m about to say we r going to act like this never happened okay
Touya: I will delete the message out of existence and thus out of ur mind
You: okay…
Touya: Okay so I kind of like actually asked u to be my Valentine not just because ur lonely
Touya: And I like really like you
Touya: As in like like
Touya: But I don’t wanna ruin our friendship because ur the best friend I’ve ever had and will ever have
Touya: So if u don’t feel the same we can just pretend this never happened
February 14th
8:00 pm
You: I’m home safe xxx
Touya: Don’t care
You: okay mr message me when ur back
You: okay mr parked in my driveway to make sure I got in okay???
Touya: Shut up
You: wait hold on
You: is that why uninvited hawks
You: so that u could ask me out
Touya: Yeah and the sky is also blue
You: SHUT UL
Touya: He’s so stupid yk
Touya: It was his idea ??
Touya: And he forgot
You: hey three’s a party!
Touya: So you would’ve kissed me as aggressively as you did if Hawks was there?
You: wait ur right..
You: Oh well
You: it was about time anyways
You: took u like three years and u did it over DMS
Touya: I’m shy 🥺
You: EW TF
You: I take the kiss back
Touya: These hickeys tell me a different story
You: HSUTUP
Touya: You love it
You: I love YOU 🫵
Touya: Yeah
Touya: Love you too
—————————————————————————
This was NOT supposed to end with a confession but I physically cannot help myself 😅 I love these text posts they’re so fun!!
Hope u all enjoyed <3
167 notes · View notes
cult-of-husbandos · 10 months ago
Text
karasuda ren [soft!yandere] - All I Want For Christmas Is A Cute Yandere!
Tumblr media
synopsis: you're spending another Christmas alone. there's only one thing you want and there's only one person who can make it happen. but, shenanigans occur!
genre: a little crackish, fluff, holiday love
word count: 6.29k
warnings: binge drinking, kidnapping, a little claustrophobia
Ahh, Christmas Eve. The most festive and romantic time of year. The city has never looked so bright and beautiful than when it’s decorated with wreaths and tinsel on every pole and building and fairy lights illuminating a soft glow of the pillowy snowy streets of your city. Not to mention the sights and sounds that sing this otherwise boring, claustrophobic place into jolly merriment. The delicious smells of bakeries and restaurants serving cakes and pies and nauseatingly sugary Christmas cookies. Buskers singing Christmas songs to afford a decent meal. Last minute idiots scrounging the shelves in stores and causing scenes to get that one important present or Christmas is ruined. Families walking with their children with excitement on their faces about what Santa will bring them tonight. Happy couples walking hand in hand and sharing hot cocoa and sweet treats before they get home. Retail workers resisting the urge to shoot themselves when Mariah Carey’s winter album plays for 6667th time that day.
Yes, it seems that everyone was in a rush to get home to be with that special somebody tonight.
EXCEPT FOR YOU!
Day after day. Year after year. Holiday after fucking holiday!
Seriously! It should be against the fucking law to have to work on Christmas Eve. Especially, when the workplace is complete ass and your coworkers take turns using the singular brain cell that seems to float aimlessly around the office. When you were just a fresh newbie, you used to blame your singleness on your work. ‘I don’t have the time right now, I should try when I get used to the environment.’ That was your thought process. But, now you know that it was all complete horseshit! The real reason you can’t make time for anything, let alone a relationship, is because your boss and your coworkers are required by the laws of fate and destiny to cockblock you until you’re that old Karen calling the cops on your neighbors for having too bright lights in their yard. When you first got hired, you promised that you wouldn’t become like the old greedy ladies at your work that glared at the smallest hint of happiness and bitched about it on their ‘Moms Against…’ Facebook groups.
Yet, here you are. Hours before Christmas, shuffling home like a morally depleted penguin hating every single happy and smiling face you came across. Even the forced ones.
As you trudged through the dirt clodded snowy and slippery as hell sidewalk, you couldn’t help but unintentionally glare at every single couple you passed by. Happy smiles adorned their faces as they shared intimate kisses and huddled together for warmth. You tried not to gag or roll your eyes because it wasn’t really their fault. They were just enjoying the festivities and snow. You on the other hand are huddled into yourself trying not to bust your ass in the middle of a public street and quickly get home so you can rip off your shoes that were sopping wet and nearing frostbite from the slushy snow penetrating your shoes. 
To be honest, the last place you wanted to be at was your apartment. You sigh to yourself in disappointment knowing what’s waiting for you: Nothing. In particular, no one. As stated before, day after day, year after year, holiday after freaking holiday, all that awaits you is a cold, empty apartment with comfort items and furniture that you either bought off of Amazon or got off the streets. No one would be waiting for you except the inescapable loneliness that you felt every day. Your plans are the same as last year’s, and the year before that, and the year before that, and so on and so forth. You’ll get home, take a lukewarm shower because your plumbing is always busted around this time of year, drink a 1/5th of Holly Jolly Krinkles Peppermint Vodka, and pass out watching the Polar Express on Hulu. Then, wake up Christmas afternoon and try not to throw up the rest of the day. Your ancestors must be so proud staring down at you after generations of their own hardship.
Peeking up from your huddled form you spot your apartment complex up ahead. You sigh again feeling the need for a drink. As you hurriedly jogged up the stairs and rushed to your door, you slowed to a halt as you saw a bottle sitting on your doormat. Titling your head in confusion, you looked around for any clues on who could’ve left this on your door. Cautiously, you picked up the suspicious bottle and felt that it was heavy and filled with liquid. A white and red envelope fell onto the mat and you picked it up as well. The envelope had your name addressed to it, but nothing else. You looked back at the bottle and squinted into the dark to read the label on the front. In the dark you could only make out ‘Feeling Pine Mulled Wine.’ You groaned at the pun. On top of the cork you noticed a green ribbon tied along with a small folded note. Inside the card read, “For you, from Santa Claus~♡”.
“Santa Claus…?” you muttered to yourself. You scoff and think of this as nothing more than corporate shilling and shameless advertisement to get people to spend even more money on this capitalist holiday. Everyone in the building must’ve gotten a bottle and since you got home late you’re the only one left. Shivering harshly as a chilling breeze rushed through you, you quickly shot into your apartment. Like a defeated animal, you ripped off every single piece of wet clothing and left it near your front door for ‘hungover you’ to worry about. Placing the mulled wine on the kitchen counter to worry about later you jogged to the bathroom for your shower. Second to drinking yourself to sleep, you looked forward to your shower the most. Flipping your shower nozzle to the highest setting, you jumped in and hopped around as the blizzard water hit your skin. You shivered as you rubbed soap aggressively on your body waiting for the lukewarm water to set in. After a few minutes, the water didn’t change. You waited a few more minutes and the water was still cold?! All of the frustration and anger bottling up inside you finally popped.
“AAAARRGGHHHH!!!” You screamed with all your might. Your screams bounced around your echo-ey bathroom as your next-door neighbor banged on your wall. You banged the wall back even harder out of frustration. What kind of shitty development is this?! You are a good person! Why is it that whenever something good happens to you someone shits all over you?! Who did you kill in your past life to warrant this sharknado level shitstorm that is your adult life?
“God-fucking-DAMMITT! I hate this shitty building and its shitty pipes and its shitty… shitty shit shit!!” You stomped as you frustratingly shut off the shower. Again, you’re reminded of your paper thin walls as your next door neighbor banged on your wall even harder. Completely fed up with everything, you punched and kicked at your wall with all your might.
“Evan Christopher Daniels, you motherfucker! I swear to God, you bang on this wall one more FUCKING time! I’m calling the landlord and telling him all about your basement cock fighting ring and we BOTH know we aren’t talking about chickens!”
The banging immediately stopped. You huffed and leaned against the cold tile wall. You needed a drink more than ever, but you did feel a little better after yelling. Walking out of the bathroom in your towel, your attention is brought back to the wine bottle and envelope. Staring at the wine bottle and label again in a better light you didn’t see anything wrong with it. Nothing obvious at least. So, with a shrug and popped the cork.
“Better than that shitty minty vodka…” you muttered.
*****
“A-And then… that Chevy-back refrigerator built asshole had the nerve to put his dirty face next to mine and breathe his hot Frito-shit pie breath all over me! Can you believe that?!”
You were venting. You were venting and drunk. You were venting, drunk, and talking to the only thing that brought you solace in this cruel time of joyful merriment: the characters on screen from the movie you were watching.
Wow. How sad.
“‘This is no good, Y/N.’ ‘You should try harder, Y/N.’ ‘How ‘bout spending Christmas stuck to my bed sheets, Y/N.’ How about you get the fuck outta my face, fix your hairline and get veneers you shitty generic ugly bastard-looking McFuck!!”
You sprawled out on the floor, sloppy lamenting over your life and where you could have possibly gone wrong.
“Why is it that whenever I get hit on, it’s either from creeps on the subway or fat geriatrics with greasy foreheads that get off on power harassment?” you ask your screen.
“‘Cause that’s the way things happen on the Polar Express!’”
You clicked your tongue and grumbled, “I wish I was on the Polar Express…” you spared a glance to your empty apartment. “Better than being here alone…” You took another drink from your bottle and set it down beside you. “This is good… I’ll have to drink this shit all-year round.”
As you silently surveyed your surroundings as the movie continued in the background, your eyes were drawn to the unopened letter that came with your wine. With a grunt and a sigh, you reached over to pick up predicting that it’s mostly like a Christmas themed advertisement for the company. However, instead was a Christmas portrait card. You opened the card and read the beautiful cursive that was inside.
“Wish upon the brightest star in the sky and your deepest wish will come true.”
You read the words over and over again. ‘Wish upon a star?’ you thought incredulously. What good would that do? You looked on each side of the card but there wasn’t anything else, not even a signature. The handwriting on the Christmas card didn’t match the note on the cork either. You scoffed after a while and flicked the card back on the floor.
“Deepest wish will come true…” you grumbled softly. “That’s only something a child would believe in.”
“‘Seeing is believing, but, sometimes, the most real things in the world are the things we can't see.’”
Your attention was brought back to your movie and the words that stood out by the conductor. Wait… was the movie playing out of order?
“Seeing is believing, huh?” you muttered to yourself. You looked to your bedroom window. Snow gracefully falling from the night sky down to the bright city lights from under your window. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was just a plane, but there in the cloudy night you spotted a single light that penetrated the clouds. Again the words on the card rang through your mind like church bells, or maybe those were just the bells from the movie.
“Meh, fuck it.” You were already drunk and alone. Might as well do something embarrassing in the comfort of your own home than in a bar full of equally lonely people, right?
You crawled your way towards the window and sat on your knees. You already knew what your deepest wish was. You wished for it every holiday: your birthday, Valentine’s Day, hell, even Arbor Day. But, who should you even be praying to to make the wish come true? Santa Claus? God? Buddha? David Bowie? No, there’s only one person who could make a wish like this come true. Someone who you've never prayed to. Someone who could make your dream a reality.
“Oh, Supreme Lord Master Gege Akutami,” you called out. “I know I’ve never prayed to you before, but you’re a man that can make miracles happen. You’re the only one I know that can make my wish come true. The only thing that I want for Christmas is…” you took a deep breath.
“All I want is a super cute yandere boyfriend!”
You can’t be serious.
“I’ve seen your creations Oh Heavenly One and I know you can make that happen. The gorgeous men and women from your manga are only just as beautiful and holy as the animated versions! But not just an old yandere will do! I want a super cute one! The kind of yandere that feed, spoil, and give their unwavering love and affection to the MC! The kind of yandere that will only keep me to himself so I don’t have to work at my shitty job anymore.”
Oh you are dead serious, aren’t you?
“He has to have a cute smile, gorgeous eyes, and soft kissable lips! And he has to be taller than me, but not too tall! Just the right amount of height where I can give him headpats and forehead kisses and when he lays down on my lap only his feet go over the couch arms, not his legs! Also, I want him to have a nice build, not too skinny and lanky. I’ve seen the kind of men you’ve brought to light so I know you can make it work Oh Great One.”
Oh dear lord…
“And he has to know everything about me! Like super omega obsessed with me, but in a cute way that makes it hard to be mad at him. Oh, and extroverted as hell to counterout my introvertedness! Like the type of person who will go up to the fast food worker and tell them that I wanted no pickles on the burger! Y’know, and also…”
Okay, I’m gonna cut the rest of this drunken otaku rambling for the future therapy you’ll be court mandated to attend.
“Please, Lord Gege… if not you then… I don’t know what else I’m gonna do.” You squeeze your fist tighter and close your eyes shut as a last ditch effort. “Please make my deepest wish come true.”
You slowly opened your eyes to see nothing in the sky anymore. Nothing but dark snowy clouds. You let out a pitiful chuckle as you felt tears brimming your eyes.
“What the hell am I doing…?” you whispered. “I am so fucking pathetic…” Maybe it was just a stupid plane after all. You meekly crawled back to your spot on the floor and layed down a few inches away from your laptop. The movie was still playing and the time read “12:01 A.M.”. It was officially Christmas. And today, just like every Christmas, you were drunk and alone. The sounds of actual church bells rang throughout your room from the outside. You lazily stared at the movie that was nearing its end.
“‘Just remember, the true spirit of Christmas lies in your heart.’”
‘Santa Claus… Christmas… wishing… it’s all a bunch of shit…’
As you felt your eyelids grow heavier and heavier, you soon gave into your tiredness praying that your hangover in the morning wouldn’t be too bad.
*****
Rustle… Rustle… THUD!
You are jolted awake at the sound of a large thudding sound coming from outside your bedroom door. Bleary-eyed, you check the time on your phone. It was 3 A.M.. Thinking it was just your neighbors, you laid back down on the cold hard floor. Until, a few seconds later, you are woken up again this time with a large bang. 
Okay, that sounded way too close to be your neighbor. Someone was definitely in your apartment. You carefully snuck over to your bedroom door and pressed your ear against it. You couldn’t hear any voices (which makes sense), all you could hear was the sounds of something rustling.Are you actually getting robbed?! On fucking Christmas?! Oh hell no! Fueled with drunken courage and hazy eyes, you grabbed the empty wine bottle and quietly snuck out of your room. Peeking around the corner, you saw a tall, dark figure looming in your living room. You quickly flipped on the lights and jumped from around the corner raising the bottle above your head, ready to smack a bitch if they tried to run.
“Alright! Who the fuck are–!”
 You stopped dead in your tracks and the wine bottle you held tightly in your hands dropped to the floor with a solid thud. The man standing in your living room, staring you dead in your eyes like a deer caught in headlights of a lifted Ford truck, was wearing a vibrant red suit complete with black boots, white gloves, and a red had, had a long, fluffy white beard, a large white bag filled to the brim with wrapped presents, and twinkling blue eyes. You felt your breath catch in your throat. It was unmistakable.
“Santa Claus…?” you groggily called out.
The man’s face turned from caution to jolly in a matter of seconds as he let out his signature laugh.
“Ho ho ho!” he bellowed. “Well, this is odd! Shouldn’t all the little good boys and girls be asleep right now?”
“I… I was asleep… I-I think your bag woke me up when you set it down…”
“Ah! Of course! I was looking for your Christmas tree, but I can’t seem to find one. So, I was wondering where to leave your presents!”
“I don’t have a Christmas tree. I couldn’t afford one this year…” you told him, folding your arms. Wait. Why were you telling him anything?! This has to be a dream. Yes, just a drunk dream. There’s no way you could be talking to some strange man dressed as Santa Claus right now.
“I see… How unfortunate. Life must be so tough for you, Y/N L/N.”
Your eyes widened. “H-How do you know my name?”
Again, “Santa Claus”'s laugh rang throughout your tiny living room.
“Santa knows all the good boys and girls! And you have been extra good this year!” he exclaimed. He bent down and started rummaging through his bag as if he was looking for something.
Your attention snapped to your front door. You were sure that you had locked it. Squinting, you didn’t notice anything strange about it. The deadbolt was still locked. It wasn’t even left open for a clean getaway if this were an actual robbery or even a dream. None of your windows open, they’re more like decoration. It’s brutal in the summer when the building’s AC stops randomly. So how did–
“How did you get in my apartment?” 
“Santa Claus” stopped searching through his bag, but didn’t look up at you. He just… stared down into it like he didn’t want to make conversation with you.
“I don’t have a chimney. This low-rated rat hole would never give such a luxury. Plus, none of the windows open. I locked my door with a deadbolt so I would’ve definitely heard you if you had tried breaking in through the front door, not while you were looking around for a Christmas tree so… how did you get in here?”
You could feel the tension rising as silence choked the jolly air around him. After a moment, the man raised his head to look at you. You felt your blood run cold. He was smiling, but his eyes… no longer had that same twinkle in them like before.
“How do you think I got in here?” he asked stiffly. Shivers rolled down your spine and you couldn’t bring yourself to speak a word. The man laughed again, but not his silly jolly laugh. It was more rigid and harsh. “I’m Santa Claus. Even if homes don’t have a chimney… I can still find my way in.”
‘Okay! I’m done with this dream now! I’d like to wake up! Wake up, me! Wake up!’
But, nothing changed. If this were a dream, something anxiety inducing would’ve happened by now. Like Santa Claus melting or turning into an eldritch monster. The air felt like it was suffocating you ever so slowly as your heart started to beat faster and faster.
“You look like you don’t believe me.” You jumped at his voice. He smiled even brighter and pointed the opening of his gift bag towards you. “Why don’t you see for yourself. I have a present here just for you.”
You swallowed hard. “A-A present…? But I–” You could barely stutter out a sentence before he spoke again.
“It’s what you deeply wished for.”
Your eyes widened again. Those choice of words… It couldn’t have been an accident. How would he… unless he…
You found yourself slowly inching towards the gift bag. It felt like an out-of-body experience. Like watching a first-person POV of someone doing something extremely stupid. As you stopped mere inches from the bag, you peered inside to see nothing but an almost seemingly amount of presents that ranged from big to small throughout the bag. Just as you tried to peek down further into the bag, you felt a large gloved hand grab the back of your neck.
“Sorry kid. No witnesses.”
Before you could utter a word or scream in shock, you are unceremoniously shoved into Santa's bulging sack of gifts. As the bag closed tight above you, your panic-filled mind finally kicked in as you screamed and thrashed around the bag. However, the more you screamed and kicked, the more the weight and closeness of the presents started to crush around you. This set in more panic and then more kicking and screaming.
“Don’t worry. It’ll be all over soon.”
‘What?! What does that mean?!’ You continued to scream and clawed at the walls of the bag to try and rip through. With a sudden jerk motion, you were lifted into the air and the bag was thrown over the man’s shoulder causing what seemed like a hurricane of presents to rain down on you. As you tried to kick up towards the opening again, you left out a gasp when your foot hit nothing. The more you kicked the more you stuffed yourself down the ocean of presents currently crushing you from all sides. When you tried to reach out to the side to claw at the bag again, you again found nothing. And again, the more you tried to reach, the more your arms got stuck wedged against the weight and size of the presents. There seemed no end as the presents continued to suffocate you, pressing hard against your stomach, legs, head, and chest.
You felt your vision starting to blacken out and called out once more.
“Please… someone… help me…”
But, your voice was too low and soon, you did not speak again.
*****
Your eyes fluttered open to see nothing but darkness all around you. You let out a grunt as your head pounded harshly only to find out that your mouth had been taped shut. 
‘What the fuck?’
You tried to take the tape off your mouth only to find your hands tied together.
‘What the fuck?’
You stretched out from your fetal only for feet to to hit a solid wall. Not only that, your feet were also bound together.
‘What the fuck?!’
You jerked up only for your head to meet a solid wall.
‘Ow! What the FUCK?!’
Your head pounded again and you laid back down trying to remember how you got in this situation. All you can remember is drinking your problems away and watching the Polar Express, and then… wishing on a plane in the sky…? And then Santa Claus showed up?
‘Ugh… fuck me… Did I sleepwalk into an empty plot again?’ You tried with all your might to try and bang on the walls of the box that you were currently in, but with this hangover all you were doing was making yourself tired and nauseous. You sighed with a huff. ‘I swear if I die in here, I’m gonna ghost sue these assholes…’
How long had you even been here? Were you even alive at this point? If you are, how long until the air in here runs out and you suffocate? Ugh… too many thoughts were making your head pound even more. Oh, what a tragic and pitiful end for our tragic and pitiful protagonist–
“Oh, wow! What a huge present!” a voice from outside shouted. You jolted in surprise. Who was that? And did they say present?
“I wonder what Santa got me~?” the voice asked melodically. Santa Claus? Wait, so… that wasn’t a dream?! The sounds of gift wrapping paper answered your question. You didn’t get super drunk and walk into a cemetery and crawl into a coffin like last time. You got super drunk and got stuffed into a giant Christmas present. You want to be disappointed with this development, but honestly you’ve found yourself in much worse situations than this. Like how on three Valentine’s Days ago you unknowingly joined a cannibal love nest cult when buying candy for yourself.
The lid of the box was aggressively thrown creaked open, revealing the most enchanting sight — you were surrounded and bathed in the glow of fairy lights. Blinking away the haze, you found yourself in an unfamiliar room, illuminated by soft, colorful lights and warm furniture. This place was definitely better than your dinky apartment. Your eyes then landed on the strikingly charming individual with the most captivating eyes you’ve ever seen and an endearing yet unsettling aura seeping from him. You felt your heart skip a beat as you locked eyes with the gorgeous hottie staring you down. His cute smile was twice as blinding as the dozen of lights surrounding the two of you.
“Looks like Santa got my letter. Just what I wanted for Christmas~.”
‘Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitsholyshitholyshit–’
“Homy shmpf! Phuu’re hmpf!” You tried to shout.
Blinking a few times, the hottie deliciously chuckled and reached for the tape around your mouth. “Lemme get that for you, sweetheart. Only if you promise not to scream.”
Oh please, like you’d scream in a situation like this.
“There you go–”
“Holy shit! You’re hot!” you shout again. “Whoa… this has to be a dream. There’s no way that I’m sitting in a human sized box in a hottie’s apartment. I gotta buy more of that wine.” you muttered to yourself. You felt a tiny pinch on your cheek and snapped out of your muttering to lock eyes with those gorgeous eyes again.
“Ow… that hurt…”
“Then you’re not dreaming, sweetheart.”
“Woah…” You reeled back into the box. “I’m actually sitting in a hottie’s apartment…”
He chuckled. “House, my love. Not an apartment.”
“House?”
“Yes.”
“Like a house house? Like with a mortgage and shit?”
“The house is fully paid off. My parents paid it off and handed it to me when they retired and moved.”
“For real?!” you gasped and gasped even harder at the sights behind him. “Are those Sanrio plushies?! And a 5-foot Rilakkuma bear?! A PS5, a polaroid camera, an Apple laptop?! What are you, loaded or something?!” you exclaimed in astonishment.
“Well, it’s true that I spared no expense getting this place ready.” he chuckled again. “After all, I spent a lot of time getting all this stuff ready just in time for you.”
“For me?”
“Of course. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t know what my girlfriend liked?”
You paused for a moment, soaking in his words. “Boyfriend…? Girlfriend?”
“That’s right.”
“You and me?”
“Yup.”
“Me and you?”
“Mhm!”
“You’re my boyfriend?”
“Yes, my love. I was getting a little impatient waiting to take you for myself. So, I asked Santa to deliver you to me.”
You couldn’t believe your ears and eyes. You wished upon a stupid star/plane, got kidnapped by Santa Claus, and got unwrapped by a gorgeous man that’s now your boyfriend. 
“Where the hell have you been hiding, huh? If I knew a hottie like you was scoping me out all this time I would’ve delivered myself without the gag and restraints.”
The hottie paused for a moment and smiled again. It seems like your reaction to all this wasn’t what he was expecting. “I’ll untie you if you promise you won’t start trying to escape.”
You scoffed and handed him your bound hands. “Oh, please. Yeah, I’m gonna escape and run back to my 250 sq. ft. apartment with no hot water, no heating, and no one waiting for me that even notices I’m gone.”
The hottie laughed softly and began to untie your hands. “And trust me. I wasn’t hiding. I left you gifts every moment I got. However, whenever I saw you, you never had them.” After untying your hands, he gave you a sullen look. “Did you not like them?”
You rubbed your wrists and titled your head in confusion. “Gifts? I never got any gifts.”
“Don’t lie to me, Y/N. I’ve been leaving you gifts and small tokens for two years.”
“I’m not lying! If I had gotten anything from someone like you, I would’ve been here two years ago.” you defended. “Where did you leave them?”
“On your desk at work, on your doormat, in your mailbox! I placed them everywhere you could see.”
If you weren’t so hungover you’d scream your head off. “Ugh…! Oh my fucking God…” you grumbled angrily, lightly banging your head on the corner of the box. You knew it! Your coworkers were cock-blocking you from finding true love. “All my coworkers are conniving, evil, love-hating bitches! And my boss is a misogynistic, sexual power harasser. They probably threw those presents away when I wasn’t at my desk.”
Your new boyfriend’s eyes grew dark. “What about your apartment?”
“Ugh… those animals would steal chewed up gum after you spit it out. They probably stole it while I was out at work. And my mailbox got broken into 6 months after moving in. All my bills are on autopay.”
As your boyfriend’s face grew darker, his smile remained. “Well, it’s a good thing I told them you quit and got you out of that disgusting “apartment”.”
Your mouth dropped at his words.
“R-Really? So, my job?”
“You don’t need one. I make enough money to support 5 of you. Plus, everything you could ever want is here anyways.”
“My apartment?”
“Considering most of the things in your “apartment” came from the side of the road, just tell me and I’ll buy whatever needs replacing.”
You leaned in close. “And my boss?” you whispered.
He leaned in closer, both your noses touching. “Dead, if you want him to be.”
Holy shit. Let’s go over the list.
He is: 
✔ Hot as fuck
✔ Obsessive
✔ Tall
✔ Built
✔ Has a cute smile
✔ Puppy face
✔ Not too overbearing
✔ Dommy
✔ Willing to support your lazy piece of shit lifestyle
✔ Owns a home
JACKPOT!!
“This is the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!” you shouted, but immediately regretted it when a sharp throbbing pain pierced your head. You clutched your head, tenderly rubbing your temples.
“Woah, are you okay?” he gently asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a hangover…” you smiled wearily.
“I’ll get you some water and Ibuprofen. Wait here. Don’t move, okay?”
Again, you shot him a look that told him that you didn’t have anywhere to go.
“Oh, and uh, thanks… um…”
“Karasuda Ren. But you can only call me Ren, okay Y/N?”
“Okay, Ren.” you smiled. He smiled back at you and headed to the kitchen. You sat in the box looking around at the beautiful home filled with Ren’s things combined with the things you love. If you weren’t on cloud 9 right now, you would plan a vindictive revenge plan on your job. But, now you had nothing to worry about anymore. Your wish came true and he was even cuter than you could’ve possibly imagined.
“Oh!” Ren suddenly called out. “Since you might be hungover, you probably won’t be able to eat this cake I made huh?”
“Homemade cake?! I love– Woah?!” You shot up at just the word cake and fell out of the box and face first into the floor.
“My love! Are you okay?” Ren asked, rushing to you with a glass of water in his hand.
“Yep! I’m okay! I forgot that my feet are also tied up sooo… can you help me?”
Ren laughed and helped you back on your butt and began to untie your feet. After that, he handed you the water and the bottle of Ibuprofen. Swallowing the pills dry and drinking a few gulps of water, you began to feel a little better with some water in your system now.
Just as you were about to get up, you were immediately swept off your feet and carried bridal style across the living room. You let out a tiny yelp as your head made contact with Ren’s warm chest.
“W-What’re you doing?”
“Oh. Did you think I wasn’t going to hog you all to myself? You’re my Christmas present and I intend to enjoy this day and many more with you by my side.”
You felt your face burn as you were sure your face was as red as a habanero. Well, this was your Christmas wish too. It’s finally your time to enjoy the lovey-dovey part of this holiday. 
Throughout the entire day, you had never felt more love and content. Despite your initial shock, you soon got used to the huge shower of affection your new boyfriend continued to give you. Karasuda Ren, while intense and possessive, showered you with affection and attention unlike anything you had experienced before. He filled you with so much cake and food, you felt like you were gonna pop.
The loneliness that had haunted you dissipated in the wake of this blooming, although unconventional, relationship, was replaced by a new sense of belonging.
As Christmas lights flickered outside, you found yourself entangled in a love both warm and intense. The hours that passed brought a mix of emotions that you could get used to feeling everyday for the rest of your life.
This was it. Your deepest Christmas wish came true. You were finally happy. Only one question was left on your mind.
“Hey, so, how did you start liking me? Have we met before and I just didn’t pay attention or…?”
“No, we’d never even spoken to each other. About 3 years ago on Christmas Eve, I was riding the subway on my way home when I heard a bunch of drunk people get on.” Ren grimaced just remembering the situation. “I wasn’t anywhere near them, but I could smell the alcohol. I was going to change cars when I heard them start to argue with someone, I turned around and I saw you. You looked so tired and angry.”
“Really? I don’t remember that.” you hummed, trying to think back.
“I was going to step in, but you had already clocked one guy in the jaw and dropped the other guy like a sack of flour.”
“Oh yeah! I remember that now!”
“That moment, I fell in love with you at first sight. It took a while to find you again, but after I did I knew in my heart that I could never ever let you go.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet, Ren! Man, I guess first impressions always stick. Kind of embarrassing that your first sighting of me was when I was drunk.”
“...You were drunk?”
“Oh, I was fucking wasted. I always get smashed on Christmas Eve. It’s kind of a tradition. I was drunk off my ass the night Santa took me too.”
“...Y/N.”
“Mhm?”
“You can’t drink in front of other men. If you plan on drinking, let me know and I’ll take care of you. No one can see you drunk and vulnerable except me, okay?”
“Of course, my love! Maybe next year, you can show me where you got that kickass mulled wine from.”
“Mulled wine?”
“Yeah, that one you left on my doorstep. With the note.”
“I didn’t leave anything on your doorstep.”
“...”
“...”
“Hmm… maybe I should stop drinking random alcohol that appears next to me…”
“Y/N?!”
Bonus:
As you both were cuddled up on the couch half-asleep, watching a random Christmas movie as the fireplace crackled in the background, you were brought back to a realization. You never thanked the person that made this all possible.
You quickly got up causing Ren to jolted up at your sudden movements and stare at you wide-eyed as you made your way to his window.
“Baby, what’re you doing?” he asked cautiously with a yawn.
“I need to probably thank the person that brought us together today.”
You collapsed your hands together and smiled up at the starry-night sky, immediately catching a glimpse of the brightest twinkling star in the sky.
“Oh, you mean Santa–”
“Oh, thank you Lord Gege, you are truly my savior. If I had known praying to you would’ve gotten me results like this I would’ve prayed sooner. You are truly the ‘God of Handsome Men’.”
“Wait– what?”
“I will continue to support you and buy all of your merchandise…”
“...Y/N?”
“Mhm?”
“Are you praying to another man? While your boyfriend is right here?” You could hear the pout in his voice, but his face screamed baby-faced yandere.
You smiled and made your way back to your spot on the sofa. “Well, Lord Gege is more like a God amongst men to me now. But, of course I had to thank him.” You softly poked Ren’s puffed up cheeks. “I prayed to him the night before and he granted my wish. I am now the girlfriend to the cutest man alive!”
Ren blushed your words and decided to let your little prayer slide this time. Looks like you found the cute yandere’s weakness. Whether you decide to tease him in the future only time will tell.
a/n: merry christmas, my trash babies~˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ i know it's been a while since i've updated, but i couldn't leave the year off without a little slight yandere fic. i was planning on uploading two fics this month, but adhd brain and procrastination are praying on my downfall. so enjoy, a cute fic with a cute soft yandere for the holidays.
happy holidays~!❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅
Tumblr media
749 notes · View notes