#i made this in december but i never built it XD

[j3nnix]

guess who's here...

THE SCRUNKLY!!!1!!11!!!1!1 HIS HEAD IS HUGE I LOVE HIM

I suck at doing this kind of things (the poor thing is all stained with glue...)

but if you want to make your own here is the template!! I made it myself :D

If anyone tries it I'd like to see it. You can tag me in the post!

the little strebers will rule the planet 

[setsuntamew]

So, Persona 5 Royal, huh?

Full disclosure: I had gotten about halfway through November on Wednesday and finished it out Saturday night, which took uhhh about 65-70 hours? Some of that was sitting there waiting for the PS4 controller to recharge or listening to music in the Thieves Den while eating, but I still feel like I need to own up to how extremely bad I am at making good decisions with my life XD

MOVING ON, THOUGH, HOLY SHIT. P5 was a very good game, but Royal’s additions & changes made it incredible. I like the ending way more; I think it’s more emotionally fulfilling and meaningful, especially with everyone’s more defined future plans. Definitely felt like everyone had more growth in the end!! Which is something I’d always thought P5 was lacking.

Snip snip for spoilers and the fact that this post ended up being too damn long, oops! the last third is basically Akechi feels and analyzing his ending, so......yeah XD

Part of why I plowed through SO much of Royal in so little time is....Akechi XD Like okay, this is my stupid fandom blog, I can be excited about him all I want!!! I got to Sae’s Palace and just....I couldn’t put it down. @dragonofeternal​ and I ordered an embarrassing amount of takeout instead of cooking because we just had to see how everything with Maruki and the third semester was gonna go down. I’d already been dying along the way because Akechi’s confidant dates are so good, I just. Fuck!!!

Also, look, for the entirity of Shido’s boss fight and the depths of Mementos/Yaldabaoth/etc, we’d look at each other every few minutes and just be like AKECHI SHOULD BE HERE WITH US, HE DESERVES TO GET HIS VENGEANCE ON HIS SHITTY DAD AND FORCED DESTINY!!!!!

December 24th had to be the longest god damn day in Akira’s life because like. Final exam grades are posted in the morning! He goes to school and then dives into hell, crawls his way back out, briefly dies by fading from human cognition, fights an actual fucking god, and then....ends up dissociating in Shibuya until Sae shows up and is like “oh hey thanks for everything you did, please sign up for being arrested now.” And while he’s still reeling from that, Akechi walks up to take his place, like some kind of bullshit knight in shining armor schtick, and leaves no room for conversation.

AND THEN WE HAVE TO GO ON A DATE

I romanced Hifumi this time around, because I wanted Akria to bang a girl who is just so incredibly out of his league, but....it’s not necessarily that I forgot I was dating someone, more that it had been *so many hours of plot* that I was emotionally exhausted. Like, Hifumi texted me and I was just like. Right. RIGHT. It’s still Christmas Eve, somehow. I was at *school* this morning. The whole world merged with Mementos briefly in the middle of this, Akechi is somehow alive, and I guess I’m going on a date now????

I do appreciate how many “god I’m just dissociating my way through this” conversation options there were for the date, tbh. I feel bad though, I really like Hifumi, but I feel like Akira is not giving a date his full emotional attention at that specific time. It feels a bit like emotional whiplash, more so than I remember it being in P5? Maybe it’s because I played it 4 years ago and there wasn’t the added emotional weight of Akechi’s reappearance, but it was just like....a lot, in Royal.

AND THEN THE NEW YEAR HAPPENED. I’d been spoiled on large parts of the third semester, mostly because Royal’s been out for a year already and I’m too curious for my own good. I’d also somehow lied to myself, saying I didn’t have time to play another Persona game right now, and yet here I am, 171 hours of game play within exactly a month, kicking myself for not knowing how deep in Persona hell I would get XD

Which is to say, as soon as the new year started, it felt I was drowning in anxiety. I knew something was wrong, I knew they were in a false reality, but knowing that sure as fuck didn’t make it easier to go through. If anything, it was somehow worse, knowing that it was all gonna come crumbling down, but I didn’t yet know the exact details, only the broad strokes of it. Just. Every time someone talked about something that was wrong, my heart would clench.

God, I’m so fucking tired, I pulled an all-nighter on Friday so I could get through Royal before having to work on Sunday, and I am feeling it right now. Life tips: don’t do what I do XD

Every moment with Akechi felt like borrowed time, at least for me, because I knew what was coming. I spent so much time in Mementos with him; I ended up putting just him and Akira in my party and plowing through everything, including trouncing the Reaper over and over just for the hell of it. I got his ultimate weapons, I spent so many nights in the jazz club with him that he ran out of dialogue options, and I still took him back for more. I accidentally failed to EVER trigger Sumire’s Showtime because every fight was just Akira and Akechi against the world, because fuck it, I’m playing this for fun!! If I want to play with them in stupid costumes and no one else in the party, I’m gonna. Royal did such an incredible job giving Akechi more depth and development: it was all I could hope for, and it made it that much fucking worse to know what was in store for him.

Somehow, I thought it would be harder for me to make the decision to refuse Maruki’s deal, since fuck, fuck what I wouldn’t give for Akechi to be alive???? But I barely hesitated, only really stopping because I had to emotionally brace myself for it, because a reality where he can’t carve out his own fate would be a disrespect to everything their relationship is built on.

I have a whole shit ton of feelings about post-beating Maruki but they’re basically all Akechi related meta so somehow they ended up at the end of this post, I’m sorry XD

I understand that they had to keep the going to jail bit because 1) Akechi didn’t turn himself in, Akira did and 2) it leads to the final events of the game, but let me just say....the emotional roller coaster of fighting Maruki, almost failing multiple times, waking up in jail, the Phantom Thieves & friends getting Akira out of jail, celebrating that, and then getting thrown into Valentines Day was a LOT for my heart to take. Once again, didn’t forget I had a girlfriend, just got too invested in the plot to really be thinking about her. It’s less than two weeks after the fight with Maruki and somehow, everything is supposed to be okay????

The scene with everyone talking about their future plans is such good character growth, though. Everyone feels like they’ve truly grown and are making decisions that, even though they might be painful or hard at times, are ultimately very important to them. It’s a really good contrast to the “almost everyone goes to Shujin and they all stay in Tokyo forever without doing anything for themselves” Maruki’s perfect reality bad end.

Standing in the Underground Mall on White Day, being told I had to get flowers but finally being able to have control of Akira again was....so bittersweet. The fact that the location of the date is the aquarium is a low fucking blow, and I almost threw the controller across the room I was so upset. Like. THE AQUARIUM IS UNLOCKED BECAUSE AKECHI HAS TICKETS HOW FUCKING DARE SOJIRO SUGGEST IT LIKE MY HEART ISN’T STILL ACHING????? God, speaking of that: The fucking god damn Featherman video game tore my heart out because I ended up playing it WHILE WORKING ON SHIDO’S PALACE and I cried a ton about Gray Pigeon because of course they had to dig the emotional knife in even deeper!! Just fuck me up, it’s fine, I’m just dying!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ended up scrolling through his texts to find the group chats that still had Akechi in them, and fuck, it was a LOT. Like. Maybe it’s because I’m too invested in the two of them, but it was probably the worst emotional whiplash of the whole game. Like, how am I supposed to go play happy with anyone while staring at texts from a reality built of lies? It wasn’t real but the proof lives on in his phone and his heart, and I’m still fucked up over it.

HOWEVER. FUCKING. I SPENT LIKE HALF AN HOUR BEING EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED ABOUT ALL THIS AND THEN DISCOVERED THE BASTARD STILL HAD ALL HIS EQUIPMENT, INCLUDING THE ULTIMATE MALE ARMOR!!! He returned his shit after Sae’s Palace even though he thought Akira was dead, but this time it didn’t get fucking returned to my inventory, so he must have fucking run off with all his shit!!!!!!! Why the hell did none of it get returned if he was never alive in the true reality? Like I know it'll be returned for a new game+ but I like to nitpick game mechanics for story reasons, because one of the things I love most about video games is the experience of them as another layer to the story. The texts from the third semester shouldn’t exist anymore, since they never really existed, but there they are. Akechi insisted that he has a gap in his memory after Shido’s Palace up until seeing Akira on Christmas Eve, but who can say that wasn’t related to Maruki tampering with reality or some other Persona-related reason?

I mean. I got the full and complete True Ending; I saw him in the train station. If that’s not Akechi, then who the fuck is it? Atlus made sure to put the work in to make him a part of not just the main story but also, especially, the third semester, and for what....to have his final time on screen be as the butt of the joke, squished underneath everyone in the Mona-copter? As much as it hurts, his end in Shido’s Palace matters; it fits his character and he gets to go out fighting- carving his own path, really. In Royal, barring the tiny glimpse of someone who’s probably him in the train station, the last we see of him is when he watches Joker let go of the rope to finish off Maruki. I know we got the heart to heart where Akira agrees to reject Maruki’s deal and Akechi insists that he’d rather be dead than live in a false reality, but.....no one even says goodbye to him. It’s tragic, it’s painfully lonely, but it doesn’t feel right for such a major character.

Also, as undignified as it is, for the first time ever, Akechi looks like he actually belongs in the Phantom Thieves in that final moment. He’s never been the butt of their jokes before; they always kept him at arms’ reach and he took himself too seriously to be included, but for that brief moment, it really felt like he was part of their group. He stopped lying about himself for their last month together, and so even if they don’t all like him, they can make that decision based on the truth, instead of layers of lies. His death is all the more tragic for this; a life cut short just when he’s finally finding a place he belongs. But his death was already painful; why make it so, so much worse?

Final thing: I’m gonna be spending a ton of time in the Thieves Den trying to find Akechi’s opinions on everything, but also....hey. HEY. What do those six stars that Jose (probably?) painted on the wall mean? Is it just a reference to Persona 6???? LIKE????? I HAVE QUESTIONS. SO, SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!

Anyway, I’ve gotta go cry into my Starbucks and desperately try to focus on actually doing my job at work, but I loved Royal deeply and cannot wait to drown in it ;w;

[elgaberino-mcoc]

MCOC Wishlist Blog Character Spotlight KNULL

by Marco “Prophet of Knull” Garcia ed. Other Gabe

BACKGROUND

Knull is an ancient malevolent deity whose existence predates the universe itself, and was originally content to drift through the endless abyss that existed before time.

He used his weapon, the Necrosword, to combat the Celestials who disturbed his darkness. With this sword Knull severed the head of a Celestial. That head is now Knowhere, a popularly-known Marvel location and a battle zone in the Marvel Contest of Champions Battlerealm.

Wanting an army, Knull then constructed the aliens we all know, love, and sometimes hate, the Klyntar race of gooey symbiotic aliens.¹ Later, after a debacle with the Mighty Thor, the symbiotes rebelled against their “God” and trapped him on a desolate planet, later known as Klyntar. There the God of Symbiotes waits and plans his escape, hoping to one day lay waste and bring Darkness to the universe.

“The End is near. God is coming….”  

Editor’s note: the next several sections are designed to familiarize the reader with Knull’s worthiness to be featured in a video game, compared with the myriad other Marvel characters from whom Kabam could choose.

POPULARITY

Technically, Knull has been around since 2013, and appeared in Thor: God of Thunder Vol.1 #6 by Jason Aaron and Esad Ribic, as he was a shadowed figure from whom Gorr the God Butcher steals All-Black the Necrosword.

He was then revealed by name by his creators in Venom Vol. 4 #3 by Donny Cates and Ryan Stegman in 2018. 

Knull has had huge fan buzz around him since his inception and his name is only getting bigger. Despite fewer than a dozen appearances initially, Knull headlined the King in Black line-wide event that began in December 2020, from the minds of Donny Cates and Ryan Stegman. 

Editor’s note: Arguably named after Knull, the King in Black initial release was considered critically to be a high-stakes situation, due to the perceived hype. Its comics made regular appearances in bestseller lists after the event launched, suggesting the Knull name and story, in conjunction with the strength of his creators’ reputations, was strong enough to sell books. Overall the King in Black arc has also gotten good critical reviews. 

KNULL AS MATERIAL FOR OUR MARVEL GAME

Editor’s note: these character spotlights usually explore several factors to determine whether it is reasonable to expect Kabam to seriously consider the character as a candidate for addition to Marvel Contest of Champions. Among these factors are inclusion in other similarly-marketed games, mainstreaming in comics and other media, mentions in MCOC lore, Kabam conversation, or community rumors, and pure hype among summoners.

OTHER MARVEL GAMES

Knull has been featured in other games already: first in the Spider-Man Unlimited mobile app,² then in Marvel Future Fight. In Marvel Puzzle Quest, Knull was originally only part of the backstory description of the playable Prophet Carnage character, but was eventually released in his own right in May 2021.

KNULL AND THE BATTLEREALM

Arguably no direct mention of Knull has happened in either [Marvel Contest of Champions or Marvel Realm of Champions], but it can be said he was alluded to in the motion comic that accompanied the release of Cosmic Ghost Rider and Red Goblin in October 2020.

Then, when story mode Act 7 was released in December 2020, this dialogue was revealed, which has been strongly speculated to be a reference to Knull.

CLAIM TO FAME: KNULL IN OTHER MEDIA

Knull has not enjoyed a reference in any Marvel Cinematic Universe content to date. Hel has only been mentioned in the Disney XD cartoon Spider-Man: Maximum Venom with a retelling loosely based on his comic book origins. 

UNIQUE WAYS KNULL COULD FIT INTO THE MCOC META

Knull could be a massive boost (editor’s note: synergy hub) to many Symbiote champions or champions in general. I see him as a Cosmic [based on what I was told by co-creator Ryan Stegman], with massive damage. Being the creator of symbiotes, Knull could outfit any [non-#Symbiote] champ with a “Klyntar symbiote” of their own to enhance their kit or base numbers. He could also operate with #Symbiote champs similarly to the way Apocalypse enhances Mutant champs. He could also work as a counter to Symbiotes or anyone who would have ever been bonded to a Klyntar before in canon, which would include most of the Spider-Fam!

Knull’s kit could alternately introduce a #Codex tag to add to certain non-#Spiderverse Hero champs who have famously bonded to symbiotes (paging Red Hulk or even Deadpool).³

A PEEK BEHIND THE CURTAIN?

No mention of Knull ever came out of the Kabam team or anyone related to MCOC. Then again, Kabam never likes to tease big-name additions like Knull would be. Mid-September 2021, one data miner claimed that Knull is forthcoming.

WHAT DO SUMMONERS THINK?

Summoners seem to dig Knull. He was the winner of the first Tournament  of Battlerealm Future, March Addness 2020, which was co-hosted by MCOC Wishlist creator Other MCOC Gabe and Unofficial MCOC Podcast veteran UMCOC Deacon on Twitter. The tournament pitted hundreds of characters against one another for votes from Summoners expressing who they would prefer to enter Marvel Contest of Champions. He cleaned house throughout most of the tournament, earning his addition to the MCOC Wishlist, where he has risen into the top 50 most wanted champions.

Due to recent ramblings by the author, and the introduction of Red Goblin to Marvel Contest of Champions, people have warmed up to the idea that Knull might actually be coming to the contest. (Even community-renowned comics expert CTMCOC agrees!)

Once below rank 250 on the MCOC Wishlist, Knull now stands as the #31 most-wanted champ, with over 550 Summoner upvotes as of this writing. 

KNULL: CHAMPION BUILD IDEAS

PROBABLE CLASS

As mentioned above, Knull is a canonically cosmic entity or deity who purports to predate the universe itself. This forms a strong case for the MCOC Cosmic class of champions.

POSSIBLE ABILITIES

Like many Cosmic champs’ builds, I can see his relying on many Active Buffs with massive damage and defensive potential due to Symbiotic Armor. Perhaps as Knull collects Codices, he gets stronger and this mechanic could be used in game as persistent charges. The more Codices he gathers, the more potent his Buffs could become. He could utilize Fury, Aptitude, Armor, Cruelty, Precision, and other critical-damage-enhancing Buffs. Bleed and Armor Break Debuffs are likely as Knull breaks down his enemies with bloodthirsty ferocity.

POSSIBLE SYNERGIES

Knull's status as the God of the Klyntar could enhance all #Symbiote champions just as Apocalypse does for Mutants.

Venom could get a unique synergy called “Daddy Issues,” allowing Venom a 2% attack boost for every Buff converted on his sp2 but as passive Fury stacks. I imagine Carnage with something like a “Prophet of Knull” Synergy allowing 95% resistance to incinerate effects, allowing him to heal from Incinerates, since Carnage has no weakness to fire when he is operating as Knull’s prophet in the comics.

Knull could also be built to spend Persistent Charges to enhance #Symbiote champions in order to increase their stats and enhance their buffs.

It would also be clever to have a Synergy with Void called “Knull and Void” allowing Void access to a non-stacking Armor Break Debuff, such as on his Heavy Attack. More debuffs for Void would be devastating. 

Knull could also enjoy a basic “Enemies” synergy with Thor and Silver Surfer. A great champ to release in conjunction with Knull would be Gorr the God-Butcher, a notable Thor villain, played by Christian Bale in Thor: Love and Thunder, and the other best-known wielder of All-Black the Necrosword.

•.•.•

Editor’s note: this concludes Marco’s commentary and notes on Knull as a potential champion. Anyone tracking the conversation about future champs knows that the name of Knull comes up frequently among Summoners, and his rise in every voting event in the community tends to support the notion he is greatly demanded by Summoners and would make an excellent addition to the game.

This article was originally drafted almost entirely in late 2020, and has been dug up and completed in September 2021 after MCOC Trucos released a purportedly datamined leak suggesting Knull “is Coming” to Marvel Contest of Champions in October 2021. -OG

________

NOTES 1. The Klyntar alien race is most popularly represented by Venom, and his fellow Klyntar aliens Carnage, Scream, and the other names associated with their stories of superhuman symbiosis and “Venomization.”  2. Spider-Man Unlimited was well ahead of the curve announcing Knull for a video game in 2018. It got there by virtue of attempting to release almost every noteworthy Spider- and symbiote character as playable video game characters. Knull was not yet a character most people would consider important for gaming. 3. A codex (pl. codices) is the term for the biological traces a Klyntar symbiote leaves in its host’s system after separating from that host.

[solesurvivorpaigeargot]

I absolutely LOVE Sketchy Saturdays and I always look forward to them!! As for my question(s)? What made you decide to start doing it(I'm glad you do but I was just curious!)?

Hoooo boi the Sketchy Saturday Origin Story: I suppose there's two versions.

The short version reads " Moving stress, deployment depression, and isolation VS. my utter determination to DO SOMETHING whilst trapped in my home " -- Sketchy Saturday was the result of that title fight, so I guess the fandom won in the end? XD

The long version, however... Well, buckle up, cause this is gonna be a ride.

It may surprise y'all to know that two years I was eyeballs-deep in the South Park fandom. The blog still exists; my mainblog, JustCallMeButtlord, built to interact with the audience of my fanfictions-- the New Kid Stories, called NKS for short [gonna be porting those to Ao3 soon, just gotta figure out what robo-reader I'm gonna use to make a quick n dirty podfic out of the series as well as help me hunt down typos my eyes galze over]. The first 'season' of stories had ended, 8 completed fics, and I was puttering about with a bonus holiday story that was several months out of season. Not that I CARED because I was on GUAM where seasons don't exist and my time blindness gets even worse becasue without seasons changing it feels like time never progrsses even after being on the island for three cocksucking years.

I don't hate Guam, I am just not built for constant heat. I am a snow creature; I like below-freezing temperatures so I can layer up in fuzzy, fluffy things and drink hot drinks and cuddle loved ones and/or furry animals. It's a lovely island, I adored my first week there... I just wasn't made to live there.

HIlariously, NKS started out of the stress of moving to Guam. Two years and 8 fics later, the place we were renting was no longer within our price range and my hubby and I were forced to move onto base. Under the leader whom I refuse to name, military pay was given a precentage raise... but it was ripped out of bonuses and OCONUS pay. OCONUS is what a military member is paid when they're stationed Outisde the CONtinental United States. This usually means overseas bases like Japan, but it also means Hawaii, aaaaaand... GUAM. So that percentage pay increase for the military at large meant belt-tightening for every service member abroad, and we were forced to move onto base.

In case y'all haven't noticed by now, I'm a raging socialist with some issued with authority. I DO NOT LIKE EXISTING ON BASE. I do not like existing in a place where the national anthem plays twice a day, every day, at 6 AM and then again whenever the hell sundown is that day. And there's an unspoken rule no one tells you that when it plays you're supposed to stop what you're doing, face the nearest set of speakers playing the song, and stare in that direction with your hand over your heart until its over. That, if you're driving, you have to put on your emergency flashers and pull over. No one tells you this. NO ONE TELLS YOU THIS.

And then, before we had secured a place on base but we had set a move out date for the rental house, the Pandemic happened. While we were between homes. The base is talking full lockdown, Guam authorities want to shut down the island but businesses are terrified of not getting the tourist season business, we don't even know if we'll be allowed to move on to base.

Surprise, I stopped writing for a while... but I picked Fallout 4 back up again. I had been forced into the series years earlier by a toxic relationship, but the game itself hadn't been bad-- just the way I'd been forced to play it by someone who was firmly not in my life anymore. When confronted with character creation, I wasn't sure whom I wanted to make... but decided to go back to an old character. A VERY old character, whom I hadn't thought of since I'd finished ME3 at least 4 years prior, and a character I first conceived of when I was 14-ish... which is now about 15 years ago.

Paige.

I've talked before about how well Paige's story maps onto Fo4, but this was before I knew that. I knew the opening, her losing her kid, and that fit with her-- but something clicked while I was playing and the part of my brain that likes to create started wandering off. Soon enough I've got a couple chapters of a ficlet that I'm TOTALLY just writing as a personal one-shot to de-stress, no way I'm publishing this, I don't wanna get distracted from NKS, I got a whole 'nother season to write! Who cares if no one is reading it anymore because South Park Fandom doesn't like continuous plots.... right?

I was burnt out as hell, the move was looming, the Pandemic was getting worse and everything was getting scarier.

Then the news came through that hubby would be deploying again.

He wasn't supposed to, but the Navy decided the safest place for their sailors was the middle of the ocean, so if you WERENT in quarantine you were going on the boat and you were living there. Didn't matter if your spouse would be alone, unpacking a whole home by themselves.

I had a friend on base. We hung out. I met with my DND group on weekends; we all lived on base now, so we could meet up in like five minutes... and then restrictions tightened. You could be fined up to 5 grand for gathering in groups greater than 5, even outdoors, and detained if suspected of going to a home that wasn't yours. I still met 2 of my friends once a week for walks; get outside, be active, talk to other humans, but besides that? I was locked up alone in a new house in a place that I did NOT like existing in.... with a fresh new hyperfixation developing.

I think it was about a week into the new house that I made the new blog. At first I tried to run it side by side with the South Park stuff, but it wasn't long before all my attention was here... aaaand it also wasn't long before I was confronted with a lot of my own despair; of lockdown, of isolation, of watching a broken system crumble and not being able to DO anything about it, and I started to kinda lose my shit. I fuss-- I can't leave things alone, and I couldn't leave this feeling alone; of being fully and entirely helpless and hopeless.

And then I sketched a thing for a friend, and it made them happy. They were having a rough time, too, and I put something together because I couldn't think of anything else. And it helped. It lifted them up, and it lifted me up, too. Someone else had recently reblogged one of those pallet challenges that floats around Tumblr, and I decided FUCK IT LET'S DO THIS THING AND CALL IT SKETCHY SATURDAY!

Little secret, the very first Sketchy Saturday request? Was me. I was so scared no one would noticed the event, I sent myself the very first request, back when the event still took anons. Soon as that first picture was up:

BANG, suddenly four more; some people off anon. I met people that day, talked to them after the very first Sketchy weekend was over, chatted about the games and characters and art and writing and just... felt human for the first time in a really long while.

I figured I'd hold on to Sketchy Saturday until the deployment was over-- once hubby was back, I'd decide whether I was keeping it or not... but he came back, and I was still super into it, and he was supportive, sooooo I kept going! And then we did Sketchy Secret Santa, and people loved it, and my volunteers are excited about being Sketchy Elves and Secret Helpers and just OH MY GOD I DID A THING GUYS. I DID A THING-- that was just me all December and January long lmafo.

AND JANUARY! Because AH HECK, WE MOVING AGAIN! Because hubby finally got orders, and OH MY GOD we're going back to WA... but it's still a move half-way around the globe, and I was SURE I'd have to shut down the event for a month while we got our shit in order and NOPE, because here come the volunteers from Sketchy Secret Santa, and they wanna fill in all month long! Like... I didn't even ask for that shit, guys. They offered it so the event wouldn't have to take a gap.

Jesus I'm getting teary just remembering it.

So yeah. Sketchy Saturday is here because I got really lonely and stressed out while Fallout 4 provided me with some... catharsis for my situation, and then a pandemic happened.

And then y'all happened, and I'm still here. :D

[clumsyclifford]

bella! I don't know if you're taking requests/prompts? but if you ever feel like writing anything based on just friends by saint morgan, that'd be cool? xD (whichever ship you think it fits, but it reminds me of that cake fic you wrote based on "silent confessions at the foot of your bed") anyway yeah that's all

shal !! it took me two months but i finally got around to writing this. since you mentioned g&c cake i made it cake, and yes i did loop the song the entire time i was writing it (29 times!). also i have to say, EXCELLENT taste. listening to that song 29 times really made me love it. also i recommend listening to it while reading for optimal experience. anyway i hope i did it justice <3

- 

They go to the river.

River is a generous word for what’s really a racing stream, but the ambience is nice. It’s a warm Tuesday in December, and Calum’s restless for adventure. Luke can tell — somehow Luke can always tell; Calum doesn’t think he’s an open book but Luke only needs to give him a critical once-over before he’s got Calum figured out — so Luke suggests they go to the river, and Calum eagerly agrees.

Neither of them bothers to put on better clothes for swimming. They’re not really planning to swim, though it might happen anyway. It’s just nice to be outside on a gorgeous day like this. And Calum will take any and all opportunities to spend time with Luke.

“Dare you to go in,” he says as they approach the bank. Luke laughs.

“Darers go first.”

“Fine.” There’s no way Calum’s getting in; it’s warm but not that warm, and he doesn’t want to be cold the rest of the afternoon. Maybe he can manipulate Luke into getting in, though. He’s seen Luke caught in a rainstorm before, so he knows from experience that nobody looks quite as pretty while drenched. 

It’s too late for Calum to pretend he’s not thinking it, or convince himself that he doesn’t have the world’s worst crush on Luke, so he’s learning just to let himself indulge when he can.

“You so won’t,” Luke scoffs. Then he shrugs. “It’s nice out, though. Maybe in a little bit.”

Calum concedes this with a tilt of the head, and in tandem they sit down on the grass nearby, claiming a shady spot under a tall tree. Luke leans back, stretching his arms behind his head like a pillow, and closes his eyes. Calum props himself up on his elbow and watches Luke.

Some people are winter people, best framed against clean white snow and wrapped up in layers. Luke is a summer person. His skin gleams under the sun, eyes and sky competing to be bluest. T-shirts and shorts suit him best, and even hidden in the shade of the tree, he’s dappled with sunlight through the leaves. Pretty is hardly sufficient; he’s one of the most beautiful people Calum’s ever met, ever seen in his life.

They don’t talk for a minute. Luke’s eyes flutter open, as if by accident, but when he sees Calum they stay open. “What?”

“What, what?”

“Don’t stare at me,” Luke says, pink-cheeked.

“Are you uncomfortable?”

“No,” Luke says immediately, and then, “but just — don’t.”

Calum shifts so he’s on his back, side by side with Luke but not quite touching. “Fine, weirdo.”

“You’re the one who was staring!”

“Well, you’re the one who made it weird.”

“It’s weird to stare at your friends.”

“I don’t think it is. Not when they look like you.”

Luke is quiet. “Still,” he finally says, and that’s a soft rejection, but it had been a soft attempt anyway, so Calum takes it with a grain of salt.

Another couple minutes pass. It’s not humid, but the warmth lingering in the air makes Calum feel a bit drowsy, so he closes his eyes also, allowing them both to soak in the summer silence.

Luke breaks it by saying, “Um, this is a stupid question, but we’re really friends, right?”

Calum frowns without opening his eyes. “Of course we are,” he says. “That is a stupid question.”

“I guess you wouldn’t tell me if we weren’t,” Luke continues, like he hasn’t heard Calum.

“I wouldn’t be friends with you at all if we weren’t,” Calum argues. He opens his eyes and turns once again onto his side to look at Luke, who’s now gazing up at the branches above them. “What are you even saying?”

“I don’t know,” Luke says. He’s blushing deeply. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

“Why do you ask?” Calum presses. “What are you thinking about?”

Luke shakes his head. “Nothing. Never mind.”

It’s obviously not nothing — Luke’s leg is bouncing, the way it does whenever he gets nervous — but Calum can’t imagine he’ll get any further with the third degree, so he backs off.

“I’m gonna get in the water,” he decides. He’s not totally sure what makes him say it, but it gets the result he’d hoped for: Luke purses his lips and says, “Me too, then.”

They both get to their feet and brush themselves off. “Is there dirt on my back?” Calum asks, turning out and attempting to look over his shoulder.

Luke steps behind him. “A bit, yeah,” he says. With one hand he braces Calum’s shoulder, and the other brushes the dirt off Calum’s t-shirt. Calum swallows, trying not to squirm under Luke’s firm grasp. As soon as he’s done, Luke moves away, and Calum reaches for the collar of his shirt and pulls it off.

Luke makes a noise. “What are you doing?”

Calum turns to him. “I’m not getting my shirt wet, I’ll just be colder,” he says, drawing his eyebrows together.

Luke bites his lip. “Oh. That makes sense.”

It does make sense, but it also does exactly what Calum had intended. After a moment’s hesitation, Luke also tugs his shirt off, and they both head for the stream.

The current is slow today, and when Calum trudges into the water it goes up to the middle of his stomach. He bends his knees and watches Luke slowly wade in after him, staring once again. Luke is skinny, but there’s something sculpted about him, like none of him is by accident; like someone built him, or sketched him with a ruler and then brought him to life, clean lines and sharp edges. Calum is dying to touch him, just to see if his skin is as hot as the sunlight it’s made of, if dragging a hand down his arm makes him bleed, if his hair is as soft as it looks. 

More than all of that, Calum wants to kiss him, so much he thinks he might lose his mind if he doesn’t get to.

Luke sinks low in the water, digging his heels into the riverbed so he doesn’t drift away. Calum lets the current bring him closer.

“Kinda cold,” Luke says, giggling. Calum looks at him and can’t look away.

“Kinda,” he says. “Bet you’re glad you’re not wearing a shirt now.”

“I am,” Luke acquiesces. “You’re a genius, Calum.”

“That is true. I am a genius.” There’s a pause. “You should dunk your head,” Calum says. “We should both. On three.”

“Really? You want to put your head in this water?”

“It’s just water.”

Luke ponders this but fails to come up with a decent counter-argument. “Fine,” he says. “Promise you’ll actually do it?”

“It was my idea,” Calum says, rolling his eyes. “Yes, I promise.”

“On three, then.” Luke bobs up and down. “One, two — three!”

True to his word, Calum submerges himself completely, then surfaces and shakes his head out. Luke has also kept his word, and his hair is plastered ridiculously to his forehead until he reaches up and pushes it back with one hand. The light is threading itself through the sheen of water over Luke’s shoulders and chest. Calum is helpless against it; Luke was made to be gazed at, and Calum is just a lucky spectator.

“You’re staring again,” Luke says quietly. Calum smiles and floats nearer to him.

“Yes I am,” he says easily. “You’re very easy to stare at.”

Luke’s cheeks turn red. “Don’t say things like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Luke says, flustered. “Because — I don’t know.”

“Do you want me not to?”

“Not to…what?”

Calum bites his lip, waving a hand underwater and sending the flow this way and that. “Whatever it is you’re telling me not to do.”

Luke shakes his head. “It’s just — never mind.”

“You can tell me, you know,” Calum says. Luke’s not moving away, which is a good sign, so Calum straightens up. He feels like he’s towering over Luke until Luke also straightens up, and then, hesitantly, Calum takes a step closer. One more step and they’ll be touching; one more step for Calum to be the first person ever to make contact with the sun. “You don’t have to say never mind. I want to know.”

Luke looks away, down at the rocks and sand under their feet. “My mum says she thinks you’re trouble.”

That’s not what Calum had been expecting. “What?” he says, strained. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Luke mumbles. “She says she thinks you’re going to be one of those people who takes the shy kid under their wing and then just ditches him a few weeks later. Like, one of those popular kids.”

Calum makes an offended noise. “I would never do that!”

“She’s looking out for me,” Luke says, and he sounds tired. “I mean, I…I’ve never really had close friends, so I think she’s just being overprotective. I don’t know. She got in my head. That’s why I asked you that, earlier.”

“Luke, I’d never. You know I’d never. We’re really friends. You’re one of my best friends.” Calum takes a deep breath. “You believe me, right?”

Luke finally lifts his gaze to meet Calum’s. “Yeah, I do. I just don’t think my mum will. I tried to tell her that and she wouldn’t listen.”

Calum is itching to take that last step, but there’s something stopping him. Maybe it’s just the look on Luke’s face. “Is she — does she hate me?”

Luke shrugs. “It’s more like she really doesn’t trust you. So…I guess that’s the same. Sorry, Calum. I mean — I like you, though. And I know she’s wrong.” Something occurs to Calum. “Does she know you’re with me right now?”

Luke laughs a bit, though it’s clear he doesn’t find it funny. “No, uh…I told her we’re not friends, anymore.” He winces. “I know that’s — I know that’s not — I’m a coward, you know? But —”

“It’s okay,” Calum says with difficulty. “You don’t want to upset her.”

“It’s more like I just wanted her to stop shit-talking you,” Luke says. “She doesn’t talk about you anymore, so.”

“That’s good.” Calum bites his lip, hesitant. “I thought you were going to say it was something to do with, like, hanging out with the gay kid or something.”

Luke’s face twists into an expression of horror. “No! Calum, no way.” He breathes a nervous laugh. “She couldn’t have a problem with that anyway. I also, um, like boys, and she’s never said anything about that.”

Calum blinks. “You do?”

Through the water, Calum can see Luke kicking up pebbles. “Yeah,” he says. “I thought I said.”

“You didn’t. Just boys, or…?”

“And girls,” Luke says. “But, um, it’s a bit — it’s not like I’ve ever dated anyone, or kissed anyone, or anything, so, you know, I could be wrong.”

“You’ve never kissed anyone?”

Luke blushes with his whole body, Calum notices, with distant amusement. It creeps up his neck and tints his ears before crossing his cheeks. “Uh, no.”

There’s a beat of silence, and Calum does a quick pro-con analysis, but in the end it’s nothing but hope and recklessness that makes him ask: “Do you want to?”

“Obviously I want to,” Luke says, rolling his eyes.

“No, I mean.” Calum licks his lips, which feel suddenly dry. “Do you want to right now. With me.”

The quiet that follows is the heaviest Calum’s ever been in. It stacks itself onto Calum’s shoulders, daring him to cave, to back down even an inch, but Calum just stands still and watches Luke. If he doesn’t want to, he can always say no. He has to know that Calum will back off if he says no.

Luke swallows hard. “Really?” Calum nods once, holding his breath. There’s another moment of silence while Luke studies his face, and finally he says, “Okay. If you’re sure.”

Calum’s never been more sure of anything in his life. At last the invisible barrier breaks down, and Calum takes the final step to bridge the distance between them. “Stop me if, um, whenever,” he says. Luke nods. Calum settles his hands delicately on Luke’s shoulders — electricity racing up his arms — and Luke moves his hands uncertainly around for a second, so Calum grabs his wrists and settles them on his own waist. “Okay?”

“Sorry,” Luke mutters. Calum shakes his head, a small smile on his face.

“It’s all good,” he says. “Can I…”

Luke nods slowly, so Calum wastes no time. He leans in and Luke meets him in the middle, and for a second everything in the world stops moving, stops existing, except Luke’s mouth on Calum’s, clumsy and unsure but decidedly Luke, who Calum’s wanted to kiss basically since they met. 

Not only is it exceptional for a first kiss, it’s exceptional for a kiss at all. Calum quickly wraps his arms around Luke’s neck and Luke’s wind around Calum’s waist, pressed together at almost every point. Despite the chill from the breeze catching on their damp skin, Calum feels like he’s on fire. If this is what it’s like to touch the sun, Calum never wants to stop. He’d burn himself up to kiss Luke forever.

Though Luke had been tentative at first, he surrenders immediately when Calum slides his tongue over Luke’s bottom lip, with a small sigh that makes Calum’s heart skip a beat, or cease altogether. Around them, the current pushes the two of them impossibly closer together; when Luke’s tongue finds its way into Calum’s mouth, Calum fails to suppress a shiver, and immediately Luke breaks away, concerned.

“Are you cold?” he asks breathlessly.

Calum laughs and shakes his head. “Not even a little bit,” he says, and pulls Luke back in.

The feeling of Luke under his fingertips is overwhelming, and Calum is sure that without the kiss grounding him, he’d float away entirely, or disintegrate, or burst into flames. He feels like he’ll do one of those things as it is, or maybe all three. Kissing Luke is also overwhelming, but in a completely different way, because it’s a two-way street. He’s kissing Luke, but Luke is also kissing him.

(Shamelessly, hungrily, lips and teeth and tongue against Calum’s. Calum has a hard time believing that this is Luke’s first kiss. Nobody should be this good on their first try.)

Eventually, and with a gasp, Luke breaks it again. Calum chases his lips for a last kiss, something soft, because as far as he knows he’ll never get to kiss Luke again. It fills him with dread to think it, but this had ostensibly only been a first-kiss offer, and now they’ve checked that box.

(They’ve destroyed the box. The box is in tatters. The box isn’t even recognizably a box anymore.)

Both of them stand there, unmoving as the stream brushes up against their skin, breathing heavily in each other’s space. Calum can’t think of anything at all to say, and Luke says nothing either; for a long time they just stay there, reluctant to separate and equally reluctant to shatter the silence. If they acknowledge it, then they have to move past it. Calum doesn’t want that. He wants to live in this moment for the rest of his life, to always be suspended in the moment just after kissing Luke, when he can still taste him.

Luke opens his mouth finally, and what he says is, “Oh. Um. Thank you.”

Despair floods Calum. “It wasn’t a favor,” he blurts out. Luke frowns in confusion. “I wanted to. I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time. We don’t have to again if you don’t want to, but you should know.”

Luke exhales. “Oh.” His gaze skids lower, away from Calum’s eyes. Calum becomes hyper-aware of how close they still are. Luke hasn’t made any effort to move away, and Calum certainly doesn’t want to. That has to be a good sign, right? “I — um.” He takes a sharp breath. “My mum…”

Fuck. Luke’s fucking mum. Calum’s never hated anyone more. “So don’t tell her,” Calum says. 

Luke looks up at him. “I couldn’t do that to you. I don’t want to be with you like that.”

For a second, Calum’s throat closes up with the bulk of words building up, question marks all trying to force their way between his teeth, tangling up his tongue. “Wh— do you want to be with me at all?”

“Of course I do,” Luke says timidly. “I’m just. I don’t know.” He shakes his head. “It’s kind of scary.”

“Yeah,” Calum says, infusing his voice with as much comfort as he can muster while reeling from the force of Luke’s answer. Of course I do. “Yeah. It’s scary. Sure. Especially if it’s a secret. If it’s too, um, too much — I don’t want to put you in a position —”

“No, no,” Luke says. “I’m saying I want to anyway.” The blush has taken up permanent residence on his face, but somehow Luke’s voice is clear and unflinching. “If it’s okay with you, then it’s okay with me.”

Calum wavers. “Are you sure, Luke? It’s kind of a, you know.”

“I’m sure,” Luke says firmly. His eyes flit around Calum’s face, maybe searching for something. “We should probably, like, get out of the…the water.”

Calum tightens his arms around Luke’s neck, leaning his forehead against Luke’s. His heart is beating irregularly, and it might be from the cold, but it’s probably not. “Or we could not.”

Luke chuckles weakly. “We’ll catch cold or something.”

“It’s December,” Calum says, barely a breath. “Live a little.”

Luke doesn’t answer him, but he surges forward and kisses Calum with none of the reservations he’d had minutes earlier, and if the current washed them both away right now, or sunk them under and mysteriously claimed their lives, Calum knows he’d die happy.

[kissofgallifrey]

How Disney Failed DuckTales | Opinion

Over the last couple of days, I’ve seen a lot of talk (mostly on “TV news” sites) about how DuckTales ratings were down and not living up to what Disney expected and a whole lot of nonsense like that. Now, I’m not saying it’s not true; I honestly don’t know (and I’ve literally spent the past half hour trying to find the ratings). I’m saying that if it is true, it’s Disney’s fault.

It’s so hard for me to write all this because I practically worshipped Disney most of my life. I grew up watching Disney movies and then Disney Channel shows; most of what I remember from the first 12+ years of my life (in terms of TV and film) is Disney. I think I’ve watched most of the Disney films and shows that came out anytime between 1990 and 2010. Seriously. Disney is more or less ingrained into my DNA.

But the truth needs to be said. Disney failed DuckTales.

I’m not talking about season 3, because I understand that was intentional (although that still says something about lack of proper organisation). I’m talking about the first two seasons. And to be more specific, I’m talking about how inconsistently those two seasons aired.

I’ve said it quite a bit after season 1 started, because it made no sense and it infuriated me. Disney spent a lot of time and money promoting the show, particularly before the opening two-parter. The couple of weeks before it aired, there were so many interviews and events and takeovers, it looked like they’re preparing their new lead animated show. Then we had a break we knew was coming (they announced in advance it’s going to start a few weeks after the special), and then for a few weeks we got an episode every week, just as you’d expect it.

And that’s roughly when Disney’s programming stopped making sense, at least as far as DuckTales goes.

To be honest, I thought waiting for your show to return from a hiatus following a cliffhanger was the second worst thing in the realm of TV (having your show cancelled on a cliffhanger being the worst thing, of course). In 2017, Disney taught me there was worse than that. Because you could be waiting for your show to return from a hiatus, not knowing how long it’ll take for it to return, how many episodes you’re going to get when it does, and how long a hiatus you’ll have after the few episodes you’ll get then.

When it happened the first time, after 1x08 (The Living Mummies of Toth-Ra), it made little sense, but it was near holiday hiatus (I will never understand American programming), so it could be argued it had something to do with that. Then in December we got an episode after about a month without any news, and again, Disney went silent. It took five very long months for DuckTales to come back. Five months without a word. Not a clue about when it returns or how long for. It was then that it moved from Disney XD to Disney Channel.

For basically the second half of season 1, it seemed like they’ve finally decided about what to do with DuckTales. The Disney Channel move was doing DuckTales good: the ratings were up, season 3 was announced before season 2 had even premiered, it aired more-or-less regularly and the fans were thrilled. Obviously, so was Disney.

Naturally, when season 2 started, about a month after that announcement, the mood was still high. Why wouldn’t it be? The season one arc was amazing, the finale was done spectacularly well, the show was finally in its rightful place on Disney Channel and we had a season 3 announcement already. Seriously, what’s not to be happy about?

And then they started playing the same game they did with season 1. Six episodes in, a supposedly-holidays-break. I say supposedly because holidays breaks tend to start in December and end in January. Not in March. Then an episode in March. Then two more months of waiting, not knowing when it’ll be back. Then suddenly it’s a daily show for a week and a half, and just as you start to think you’re finally getting to see the rest of the season, they take another 3.5 months break. The final 8 episodes get aired over two weeks in September, nearly a year after the season premiere aired.

Now, let me ask you something. Can you really be surprised if the ratings are down after this sort of programming?

I’m not a TV expert, not by a long shot. But it doesn’t take expertise to know this is really bad programming. All it takes is common sense. The whole American half-season-hiatus-half-season model is already frustrating enough as it is, but I get that that’s how it is. But what happened with DuckTales wasn’t even it. It looked more like Disney execs were throwing darts at a board with shows’ names on it than an actual, pre-built schedule. Seriously.

And all of this? Just true for the States. The rest of the world got it even more erratically than that nightmare. Disney+ hasn’t been up to date with anything either; as of May 2020, Disney+ UK (since that’s where I am) only had season 1 on (apparently they’ve got two now; nice to see they finally caught up with Disney+ US). And season 3? Well, so far it seems it’s been basically impossible to follow it legally in quite a few countries. US probably included.

So if the ratings are down, I think the only people to blame here are Disney. There’s only so much you can do as a fan when your gets pushed around and you haven’t a clue when you might get to see it again. I suspect ratings would be significantly higher if you included the people who watch it only when the season ends because they’re sick of this game, but... what do I know?

*I’ve seen a lot of talk online (in fan areas) saying it’s not really a ratings issue, but it’s because Disney doesn’t want to pay for more than 3 seasons of a show. They make up a ratings issue, but the real reason. IMO it’s more than likely, but I honestly don't know. But if that’s the truth and it’s their pattern... well, I absolutely agree with this comment in that respect; it’s a real issue. You can’t expect people to get invested knowing a show will be taken away from them two or three years later. It might work with kids, but in shows meant for adults as well... it just doesn’t work. And the DuckTales team said they’re appealing to viewers of the original show and to younger viewers alike from day one. That was literally half their promotion. So if that’s the case, this is something they should’v considered. Because... really, Disney, you're only damaging yourself when you’re doing that.

[sorasunao]

the GazettE ~ interview for Gekirock 2018.06.11 ~

- On March 10 (2018), you presented a video for the song Falling. When did you start creating it?

Reita: Mmm, last December?

Kai: The pre-production was ready in November, but we started recording only in December. If we talk about time, it was somewhere between the end of the Halloween lives and the concert Countdown Japan 17/18.

- The first thing I would like to ask: did you use seven-string guitars to record this time?

Aoi: No, we didn’t. Well, we tried and refused it * laughs *

- That's how. Just the Falling has such surround sound, that there was a rumor that seven-string guitars were used there. But if you didn't use them, how did you achieve such surround sound?

Uruha: There is a clean background, yes. It turned out just such a "heady" sound. First we used a power chord, but in the end we could not apply all these nuances. And although we eventually changed the sound, we could not get rid of the so-called seven-string guitar sound. * laughs * That is why it turned out such a surround sound, I think. And pure sound is always perceived as the sound of a seven-string guitar.

Aoi: Up to this point, the Gazette has never been eager to use clear sound.

Uruha: Yes, because power chords always indicate the fervor of our feelings      * laughs *

Ruki: This time, the main motive was just built on a pure sound background.

- The video version of Falling was released under the production of Josh Wilbur. Can you say that the communication went off with a bang?

Reita: Since we are stuck with recording sound on our part, we tried to finish the track, changing it in every way by trial and error. We wondered how to do it, but we simply didn’t have a chance to agree. And yet, on the last day, we were able to do this by working in real time via an Internet connection.

- The Limited Edition Box also included a record from the 15th anniversary concert in Yoyogi. Have you thought about releasing it as a separate issue? What is the reason for this kind of privilege?

Ruki: "We want to add it to Ninth." That was the decision that was made a long time ago. Of course, the question of whether to make it as a separate release was also a matter of how to make it a privilege. We also thought about this in our own way.

- And of course, there was a deep interest in combining the starting point of the group “DaiNipponItanGeisha” and the newest album “Ninth”. At first after listening to the album and watching 15th Anniversary live, despite the difference in approaches in music (of this and that time), with proper combination of both components (meaning album and live), you can detect sound enhancement (*talks about new arrangements of old tracks). So, for example, relying on "Traces Vol.2", was there a situation for some pre-decided moments of the sound for the «Ninth»?

Ruki: Perhaps there was. As usual, before creating the album we stop on the main topic “How can we present ourselves through the new form of the Gazette,” therefore, with Dogma it was originally the same. But, precisely in Dogma this principle was removed. The present ninth album is the desire to express the current the Gazette, through filling with different forms from the past.

- In Ninth, as in Dogma, there is no specific and understandable reference or reference. It doesn't have anything to say, that this album is clearly associated with something. This is a mature aggressive rock, and something experimental, and at the same time having the most important strategic point - "music in the style of visual kei". Starting from the usual push-pull melody and developing to an unprecedented sixteen bars, which are revealed in “One of a Kind” and to the incredible melody atmosphere in “裏 切 る 舌”.

Ruki: “裏切る舌” has an atmosphere and a feeling of what the group did in the old days, when we started.

- The rhythm of “Two of a Kind” is quite popular, but nevertheless I really want to see how Kai-san will play it at concerts.

Kai: Yes. If I can endure the same sound as it was on the recording, it will be cool. *laughs* This is, in principle, the most difficult song. * laughs *

- The “Ninth Odd Smell” has a rather intense riff play.I mean that usually, you don't use such gamma.

Aoi: This is the thing created by Ruki. It fully reflects how he feels it.

- If we talk about this song, playing it without a score is probably quite difficult. Arrangement was difficult, right?

Uruha: When you bring music for arrangement, the most important thing is to catch its main motive and understand it. It was impossible to play one to one with the source code, since there were so many so-called nuances. I could not understand whether there is a bend* or not. (*musical term). Therefore, the work on the selection and comparison of sound was terrible. *laughs*

- I see. That is, assuming that you had to play the song, as it was written in the source, it would be awful, right?

Uruha: Well. When they brought it to me, I basically understood how to play it. The most difficult and incomprehensible part was the presence of bending.“Unclear, but somehow I will play” - this was the name of this complicated technique, and I just once again appreciated how talented Ruki is.   * laughs *

Ruki: Do you call "the technique" all that absurd and sound chaos? * laughs*

Aoi: Well, when creating a new song, as a rule, there are quite a few some interesting nuances, therefore, there is a motto: “it will be as it will be”.

Uruha: But this is quite interesting. Forced such a feeling. * laughs *

Ruki: Eh? I didn’t know. That's how ... a forced feeling ...

All: * laugh *

Reita: Basically the bass goes in unison, so I feel the same as Ruki. And from Ruki the smell is pretty persistent. * laughs * (translator's comment - I have no idea what he means XD)

- There is also a part that causes a feeling of dissonance.

Reita: Yes Yes. Therefore, only for this song is expertise in the style of “yes, how to play it?” This is exactly what the search for balance in the sound was done for. And so we did only with this song. So it turned out to be difficult.

Uruha: Only this song, yes. In fact, roughly speaking, we were engaged in random selection of sound.

Reita: But at the same time, as soon as the ear adapts, immediately everything is heard correctly.

Kai: Well, it was relatively easy for me to do that. I did what I could match. I maintained a fast pace, and where I could not do this, I was saved by interceptions. * laughs *

- Songs “The Mortal” and “Babylon’s taboo” - the creation of an original composition, and mix - were completely created by Uruha, right?

Uruha: Yes. These two songs, unlike all the others, took the most time, therefore, it would be just a meaningless act if we didn’t release them.

- Uruha-san, despite the fact that our interview has acquired a very mild atmosphere, if we talk about these two melodies, they are both pretty bloody songs.

Ruki: The one who wrote these songs, the main villain * laughs * It is difficult to understand. If you listen to them only once, everything is completely incomprehensible, and they give rise to a very oppressive feeling * laughs *

Uruha: Like something sticky and unpleasant, huh? And yet, in Babylon’s Taboo, for example, it seemed to me that guitars would be oppressive, and as a result I was completely overwhelmed by the vocal. As a result, the vocals eclipsed the rigidity of the guitars completely. * laughs * 

- In the text of “Babylon’s taboo” there is a line with the words “ominous oppression”, that is, there are passages in the song, where exactly anger comes to the fore. But if you read the entire album’s lyrics, there is a feeling that you are one step closer to the truth, as if got to the bottom of the essence. Being rebellious to this day, as adults, you still feel the causes of conflict, right?

Ruki:  No. It is rather an attempt to expose. Babylon’s Taboo is exactly about that. Roughly speaking, this is a very intimate topic, and although it is an absolutely contentious story, but it is that the world being deceived about.

- The "Ninth" due to very surround sound, is just incredible. It seems to me that this is still the merit of the person who was engaged in mixing, and put in there a dozen of his skill.

Ruki: Well, in general, yes. This is also because before this [album], the range of topics we discussed was rather narrow.

Uruha: This time we had the main message: "Less drums, more “fat” in guitar sound."

Kai: This time we recorded exclusively through trial and error. I recorded each part of the drama separately: cymbals and drums. If we talk about the songs of Uruha-kun, we really recorded them apart. Since the work on mixing the tracks was done later, in fact, what I was able to record, I made exactly as I imagined it to myself, and it was too raw in sound. All that I could do to bring it into a single decent look, was done after all. And I'm not sure that I took a big part in recording time, but still the sound was very cool. Well, the atmosphere was somewhat tense. It was.

Ruki: Yes. This time everything really turned out very cool. I feel really involved in all of this.

- In “Gush”, the bass line has a familiar wave-like structure (*A-mero is a unique style of playing in Japan, which is characterized by the invariance of playing from the beginning to the change of the melody), but it seems the sound is lower than normal, isn't it?

Reita: Yes. It really became lower. To make the sound lower, I twisted the knobs on the bass up. Usually, I use the adjustment knobs in the standard position, but this time I decided to take a chance. At the same time, since the bass sounded right, not like strange overtones, I think that the sound can be lowered a little more.

- You now have a five-string bass, right? I got the feeling that the sound of the bass stands out somehow especially.

Reita: Yes, five-stringed. But frankly, it doesn’t affect anything * laughs *. Until now, the sound was somehow sloppy, and at the same time, at the level of the sound of the band, it seemed difficult, but this time, I think this problem has been resolved.

Uruha: If we talk about guitars, then in “Gush”, they achieved their ideal evolution, I think. Personally, I recorded in the second half (of the whole record), so I tried different versions, and calmed down when I realized that everything was exactly as it should be. 

- Next “Two of a Kind”. It is so heavy that first of all I’d like to advise it to those who love harder.

Ruki: This is a classic example of a song that uses the A-mero technique. That is, everything was done as it is, without changes (*in one tonality).

Kai: I just fixed it up so that we could play the song without losing the beat from beginning to end. 

- Well, and the voice modulation - the fad of Ruki-san, right?

Ruki: Well, it's already automatically * laughs *

- The structure of the song is still gradually changing, right? Before the first peak moment, the musical phrase dissociating with the main melody also enters ...

Ruki: Mm, dissociating, yes. Does it still seem like that? 

Uruha: Well, it is inherent to V-kei style. For example, in “Merry Go Round” (*Hide’s song) there is one too. 

- Well, for a live it is a great song to rage.

Ruki: Yes. I am responsible for the mess that happens * laughs * Those who came to the concert will be subject to the rhythm and tempo of this song. Staying calm just will not work. They will be able to hear this sound inside themselves.

Uruha: Yeah, just at that peak moment in the song, I also heard it inside me. Very nostalgic feeling. Such a growing tension ...

Ruki: "Joyful sensation in the midst of riot"- hot, but true. Emotionally. 

- No less outstanding and your sad, melancholic melodies. They are rather sad and has a shade of nostalgia, therefore, what you said “emotional” underlines this in the best way.

Ruki: If this is a feeling of past inexperience, or just nostalgia - one way or another, this feeling can be called "This is the Gazette."

https://gekirock.com/interview/2018/06/the_gazette_3.php

translation from japanese to russian by cold_crossfade on vk

translated from russian to english by me

as always thx for reading and sorry for mistakes ^^

[isa-ghost]

OH I JUST SAW THE ANNIVERSARY BUNKER QUESTION THING AND I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THE LORE AROUND THE BOSSES!!!!! LIKE WHO ORGANIZED THE RESISTANCE AND HOW ITS ORGANIZED AND HOW THEY FOUND/MADE THESE BUNKERS AND WHAT THE EARLY YEARS OF TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THAT SYSTEM WAS LIKE PLS

Oh god I dunno how in-depth this’ll be but here we go xD

————

The resistance was formed not long after Anti launched his first few days of chaos with his newly cultivated puppet army. His violence made it clear it was gonna be Like That, so naturally opposing parties rose up. Its unclear who officially founded the resistance, but the group all had a common goal: Stay by Jack’s side no matter what, and one day gain the strength to save him, wherever Anti may have him. They affectionately started calling themselves the Bosses after Jack’s “LIKE A BOSS!” line in his outro. But that’s about all that blossomed from the start. Why would a bunch of small rural town people- not all of which even knew what the hell was going on or who Jack or Anti were -know how to fight on a warlike scale? It took a lot of struggle and mass communication throughout the zone but a majority agreed it was only natural to lowkey militarize. Ranks, soldiers, the typical.

They started with the sensible; find a hiding/meeting place, get more numbers, get supplies, get connections. All went smoothly, including the connections. To this day, the ONWR has connections to outside the zone because they managed to establish them before Anti’s (at the time) weak barriers confining what was and wasn’t currently the zone was guarded by stupidly large masses of puppets. Its after he figured out they were receiving outside help that he tried to stop it, but none of his efforts (growing stronger over time, outlining the entire perimeter with numbers from his army, turning the barrier into a harmful thing to touch if you’re trying to go out, just to name a few) stopped the ONWR. It pissed him off then and still pisses him off now, but he’s relented on the issue for now because he’s got better plans for his playground. Besides, he was a hypocrite about outside help anyway; the bastard kidnapped a good handful of puppets straight from their homes outside the zone- some not even in the US.

These outside connections are how the ONWR gets some of their food, communication, and more from outside the zone aside from raiding abandoned buildings in downtown Axel Creek. Social media is obviously another large factor in resistance affairs and it’s one they will never lose because Anti can’t afford to cripple his main source of spreading his influence. The entire zone still has all its resources like power, plumbing etc, because Anti can’t afford to cut it off or just doesn’t see enough gain in blocking it. So luckily for the ONWR, between what they have inside and outside the zone, especially now that Cali’s level and quick-thinking head is in charge, they’re still going strong. Obviously they distribute these supplies and such to the bunkers and whatnot besides amongst themselves. And the bunkers conduct their own raids too. Balance is hard to maintain, but the ONWR makes it work.

Interestingly enough, the other creators of the AU and I discovered (can’t remember how BUT one of our friends lives in TN so might’ve been them xD) there were already bunkers in Tennessee from nuclear scares back in the day. These bunkers were cleaned up by the ONWR and other non-puppets in the zone and taken refuge in. Many have expanded and even decorated these bunkers to feel more homey. And more bunkers aside from the ones that already exist have been built. Some are underground, some aren’t, some are both. However not everyone lives in a bunker- some fortified their homes, took shelter in downtown apartments, and live other places too.

As for the rest of the history of the ONWR, they didn’t start calling themselves the Overnight Watch until of course, Anti conducted that fun little night. It was a massive night for recruiting puppets for him as well as a learning opportunity for the ONWR. After that night, the Bosses finally had a good name to unite their side. Boss became a general term for “good guy” and “Overnight Watch Resistance” became the term for “actively fighting against Anti.” There’s not really a difference, but most of the ONWR has some sort of job at the headquarters even if they don’t live near or even in HQ, whereas Bosses might not.

Over time after December 2017, things started getting.. messy. The kind of messy you don’t pick up on until it’s too late. Best described as neutrals, a bunch of idiot (surprise surprise) middle-aged men thinking they could use the ONWR for a position of power for themselves squeezed their way into the upper ranks under A Lot of Somehow Successful Bullshitting despite it being painfully obvious that they didn’t know a lick of shit’s worth about Jack or anything else going on, and their pretending to care about saving him was mediocre at best. A lot of the present resistance is still wondering why and how the hell anyone let them get to where they did. Their meddling completely fucked up the ONWR and its reputation. Just to name a few things- They permitted completely unethical scientific experiments to be conducted on other people to “help the fight” (psst that’s bullshit!) if they even revealed any of what they were doing at all. Many, many people in the zone were fucked over and up by these experiments and Cali is trying her best to turn the damage into something useful and less traumatic. Besides these inhumane activities, these fakers also wrongfully arrested and punished the lieutenant general of all fucking people just for trying to defect and get away from their monstrous behavior, and sentenced her to DEATH (though that didn’t happen). Not to mention they were KILLING puppets, yknow, UNWILLINGLY BRAINWASHED AND ENSLAVED TEENAGERS AND ADULTS, instead of detoxing them and turning them against Anti! MORONS. OH, AND they threatened the EGOS THEMSELVES countless times!

Lets not even get started with the ONWR members like Markos Allen who defected from the ONWR to start a group JUST FOR KILLING PUPPETS, Markos ya dead sack of shit. TLDR; after the Puppet Breakers ran for a good while (some might not be dead even still), before Markos was murdered rightfully by Lieutenant General Dawn for trying to use her daughter AKA Patient Zero (Isa), Anti’s first puppet, for some more enabling of the fucked up secret ONWR experiments before trying to kill her for his own personal revenge reasons. His dying body was then reanimated by Anti and used to infiltrate HQ, where he planted bombs and proceeded to blow the entire place to shit. And Anti had a whooole nightmare of plans with that involving Jackieboy Man, but that’s not really relevant to the ONWR.

After scraping up as much surviving resource as they could, the ONWR rebuilt itself in a new location and that’s where it operates present day. But the bad eggs weren’t wiped out in the explosion unfortunately, and the unethical secret bullshit and fucked up power system continued. That is, until One Very Fucking Angry Henrik von Scheeplestein broke into HQ with Jackieboy and some of their Bunker #88720 family members and proceeded to destroy EVERYTHING they had with some homemade viruses and do some other much-needed attitude adjusting.

This enabled Cali to rise up from the ranks, expose all of the horrific things the fakers had been doing, and promptly plant their stupid asses in the HQ’s prison block, where they currently rot until Cali decides on something to do with them. Its taken a lot of work and will still take a lot more, but Cali has done absolute wonders to restore the ONWR to what it was when it was born and has gotten the ethics of the resistance back on track. She’s given the entire Boss side of the zone transparent communication about all affairs; publicly explained anything and everything she found in all of the ONWR’s records, databases and whatever was discovered in the secret operations places. She’s strictly enforced that NO puppets be killed- they are to be taken one way or another to HQ and detoxed in what WAS the secret labs but is now a MASSIVE detox department. She also appointed the five egos as the highest authority and keeps close and constant communication with them. Besides all of that, she’s also gradually remaking each department bigger and better than before and contacting defected ONWR members and soldiers to try and bring them back to the resistance now that it’s under new leadership. She’s currently going through records and such again to track, locate and imprison all of the doctors and other staff involved in the unethical activities that have been going on over the last few years. She’s doing everything she can to cleanse and rehabilitate the ONWR and repair relationships with anyone that was victimized by the fakers. So far so good!

[aeterna---amantes]

I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what is it about Jamie that you love so much? You never used to blog about him & idk anything about him so I’m curious...

//...you really had to ask this, hadn't you?

I wanted to avoid showing up in his tag before the Manchester gig, because I'm going to meet him flesh and bone, just in case he lurks around here and sees and -- Lord help me -- even remembers it when I meet him and say some stuff which will be pretty much the same what I'll write down now, but I guess it can not be helped. I could write simply that he's brilliant (he is!!), but you wouldn't understand the REASON, and I want you to understand it because it's really important.

So brace yourself, honesty is coming!

Short version: he's an amazing singer and actor, check out everything he does, you'll love it all, promise. You can literally feel his heart in everything he does, and that's amazing.

Long version: (very personal, suicide tw, mental illness tw, self harm tw)

From your ask, I suspect you're a follower of mine who'd been around for a long while. Why I didn't blog about Jamie is easy to answer -- I liked him as young Grindelwald, but that was all I knew about until a few months back. Since then, dear @theladyrebecca asked me what if we watched The Mortal Instruments, in which Jamie is in. Okay, I said, alright, let's watch it. Why not, I'm curious what he can do if he has more screen time.

Well, let me tell you damn! Holy shit! If you hadn't seen it, go watch it! And not just because of Jamie, but because of the whole world that's built up and the story and AAAH!

(Honorary mention of Godfrey Gao who was in this movie as well, my one and only Magnus Bane, who passed away recently. :()

I've also been watching Will in which Jamie is insanely good. No joke. If you can, watch that, too!

Rebecca also promised me that we'd watch the Six Days of Sistine, which is, by my friend's opinion, very, very good. So I'm pretty sure one day I'll watch everything he's ever been in. XD (And yes. Still mad about the cancelled preGoT he would've been in.)

This is the acting part. Now, the music part.

I started to listen to Counterfeit around that time. I've heard a few songs they made a few years back, but time stops existing when you have a toddler, and I've been missing out on the majority of life in general. xD

Give a listen to them, please, I beg you. The music, the lyrics, everything they do is so bloody good! It really is!

I'd like to mention here that usually I do not dwell in celebrities' life. I don't care about it, it belongs to them. I don't read/watch interviews and don't stalk them online. If what they do inspires me -- that's amazing, I'll keep my thoughts to myself and use them to create something out of nothing, to write. Everything I consume, movies, shows, music, everything boosts my creativity, and I build everything into my writing which inspires me.

And there's the really important thing about Jamie.

Because I watched a few videos uploaded by fans on Instagram and it completely blew my mind.

If you've been around for as long as I think you've been, I think you already know I'm battling with depression, anxiety, and various mental illnesses (including self-diagnosed ADHD and OCD). If you've been around, then you must know that my marriage is not a happy one, and things aren't shiny and sparkly most of the time. If you've been around, you know of the survivors' guilt and pain I possess, you know I self-harmed, you know I'm afraid that one day, I'll lose this battle.

And you know that the one and only thing marriage taught me is the fact that it's better to shut up about mental problems and problems in general, because the only reaction I'm going to get is:

"Why are you upset?? Why are you depressed and anxious? You have a family and a job, chin up!"

I've been telling myself over and over again the same fucking lie and started to believe it when I am clearly not okay. I ignored it, and I continued my self-destructive behaviours. I continued to hate myself, to degrade myself, I continued to think my problems do not matter because I do not matter. I've had reoccurring thoughts of committing suicide this year, after years of not thinking about them. Because nobody cares.

How does poor Jamie fit in this picture?

I saw and heard he talks about it. To his fans. During their gigs.

Between the songs he'd talk about mental illnesses and struggles and his own problems.

And I -- and sorry, I can't put it any other way --, I so fucking respect that. This world is about "be positive!" and "smile!" when you're probably broken inside out. It's fake.

But what he talks about is real and it really, literally, punched me in the face. Holy shit, I thought, he understands it. He knows.

I also was in a very dark place mentally when they came out with It Gets Better. When fall and winter rolls around I always find myself alone in a dark tunnel which has no end, as it had been ever since I was 12. My mother was very ill during my 12th fall-winter, and she eventually passed away on 11th December. My father hanged himself when I was 15, at the end of my primary school's last semester. I never recovered from either. And I go through the same thought process every fucking year. No matter I have a family of my own, these come back to haunt me.

This is my neverending, dark tunnel.

And It Gets Better became the light at the end of it. It's my beacon of hope as it is for so many others.

In these brief few months he and his band grew so huge in my eyes that I actually agreed to my friend's proposal and will sit on a plane to see them live together.

I'm afraid of heights, mind you, and I've never sat on a plane before and never been to the UK. My friend also bought me a VIP which is crazy because I'll probably have an anxiety attack when I meet them (xD), but I'm also so very grateful to my friend because this way I can properly thank them.

This is the craziest thing I've ever done in my entire fucking life, and why? Because if they hadn't came out with that song, I don't know where I'd be. Music has power, nobody denies that, I hope -- and there's the terrifying thought of not being able to thank them when I have the time and opportunity.

I have an opportunity, and I'm going to seize it.

I am so fucking grateful Jamie and Counterfeit exists, and I want them all to know it. I respect them all with all of my heart. What they do is amazing, and they save people with it.

They certainly saved me.

[takaraphoenix]

You've said that female characters mostly reduced to the love interests, or that all they're thinking are their bf or love interests. But imo, this case access to the male characters as well. Percy doesn't think about Grover for example, I've always expected it to be there in his mind because of he's his bff. Instead, Grover just is... not that much of important anymore I guess? He doesn't think or concern that much about the demigods in CHB, whether they're okay or not. 1/9

They meet with the f-ing Hercules and Percy never once gets upset or brings the Zoe’s name in the ship. Instead, we see Percy’s making the dam joke in the MoA and saying it’s an inside joke. Which shows that Zoe is still in his mind. But dude, RR, please. If you’re gonna make Percy to come across with Hercules, and never once make him salty or angry with trying to acting on it while the other characters in the ship saying ‘’Percy dont1!!’ Then I’m sorry but what’s the meaning of those cases? 2/9            

7 team dynamic and friendship are basically dead. Riordan puts 7 supposedly all different characters in a ship and all dynamic that exists is mostly the love triangles. I don’t know if you talked about this issue but I’d like to see you point on this. Bc it was an important part in the series and Rick’s not playing with the potential actually is disappointing. He just mostly focuses on fricking romance instead and it’s annoying. 3/9            

Similar cases also existed in first series too. For example worst offender was whole Calypso case. I first thought that it wasn’t Percy’s fault that Gods didn’t keep their promises. But it was actually his fault, and also Annabeth and the others were at fault as well because of they legit thought Gods would keep their promises. I mean, dude. They even broke their biggest oaths and you all know it, and now you tell me that you never once checked out the gods’s jobs? 4/9            

In order to see if they kept their promises or not? Honestly it’s so… dumb? There must be a character development on this, basing on this situation, it does suck too. Percy should’ve learned that gods don’t keep their promises. And he should’ve checked it out himself after the war ends. Let’s say Percy was dumb, but Annabeth? She is a child of the Athena, who supposedly is smart, but never comes up with the idea of checking things out instead of just trusting gods to do their jobs. 5/9            

Or any other character, no one points the issue out. I’m not sure if this case was intentional or not, or RR himself just forgot about this but man, it comes across as such a bad writing. Also another biggest offender was May goddamn Castellan. So RR, you’re saying to me that no one, no Percy, Annabeth, Thalia, didn’t go to her house in order to see if she’s okay or not after war and events?In order to help her case, even if she’s still crazy or is cured? Or, was underw-kiss more important? 6/9            

After learning about her case, none of them didn’t ever wonder? What the actuality? Bob is another big offender. Not because of Percy left him; he didn’t. Bc you see, Bob was never his friends unlike Calypso. He was just a Titan, there was no actual friendship or anything. And it’s kinda dumb that Rick tries to portray Percy as a terrible friend in this case rather than pointing out other issues in his writing. 7/9            

But then in the Tartarus, they built a relationship, this time it’s actual. But when they go to the Doors, Percy never once actually try to save Bob or Damasen and it’s just…. I’d expected Percy to pull a thing in the end and sending them to the doors with risking his own life bc it’s Percy’s supposed characteristic element; he would do anything for his friends. But it just… doesn’t exist? Why it was never a big characteristic issue right there when you had to chance to write it? 8/9            

Also, at the end of the boO, Percy just generally is okay with sending his friends to fight with Gaia. They have a talk with Frank 1 minute, and after that, it’s all okay. No big issue. I guess it was so much challenging to pull that, RR. I believe that there are so much other problematic events but those came to mind at this time. Sorry if this was so much long and salty rant. *looks at the rant and cries in salt* 9/9            

Uhm, so, I love getting asks, I really do. But at a certain length, I think you should consider maybe… writing your own post and just tagging me in it if you want me to see it, because daaamn this is very… very… long. xD”

But yeah no, the boys are just as bad as the girls, that was never up for discussion. The question was just very explicitely about female characters, so I’m definitely not gonna drag guys into that. *chuckles*

Everything in Heroes of Olympus is about the romance. I mean seriously absolutely everything because even the villains shipped it - Gaia wanting specifically the blood of Annabeth and Percy because they totally are her OTP, Arachne having a tapestry of the underwater kiss how the ever-loving did she even know that happened how is that not the creepiest, most inappropriate and weird thing to happen in that entire gods damned series. They shoulda named that ship Ark II not Argo II, because it’s all about pairing up. It’s just that, in that ask, we were specifically talking about the bad writing of the female characters! ;)

Honestly. The Grover thing. I think that’s more on Riordan not thinking about Grover than on Percy. Like. I feel as though Riordan temporarily forgot Grover exists because he was so busy shipping. Because Coach Hedge should not have been on that ship. The satyr to go with them should have been Grover. Grover and Percy should have gotten a proper reunion. Instead, one throw-away dream-spy sequence where we got to see him and Rachel. So cheap.

The lack of friendship dynamics was most disappointing, yeah. Everything was about love. Even the one damn quest where all the girls could have bonded - lol nope it’s not a quest it’s actually a tea party with Aphrodite to talk about your love life!!! Because girls!!! Doing girl stuff!!! Seriously, old straight man writing teenage girls? Cringe.

Okay no I find it really asking too much that Percy shoulda pushed the gods about Calypso. Bear in mind the time. The war ended on August 18th. Percy gets abducted on December 15th. That’s four months. Four months of PTSD, of rebuilding the camp, of having a lot of other shit on his mind. If like… an actual big amount of time had passed and Percy had never checked? Okay. Yeah. That’s on him. But within four months? And… it’s not just Percy who had a lot of shit on his mind, let’s be honest, so did the gods. Tartarus was broken into, Olympus was demolished, very shortly thereafter they started having that identity crisis and souls started escaping from Hades. Four months pass in no time at all, especially when you do have a lot on your to-do list.

Same goes for May. Seriously. It’s only been a total of four months. I… genuinely would not have half a mind to care about a total stranger like May Castellan in the middle of my whole entire world kinda coming apart in a war and me having to deal with my own personal aftermath of that?? I mean, those are literal children who just saw their friends and family murdered in a war and who fought in that war themselves. I really, really do think that they had enough on their mind without caring to check in and see if this total stranger had been taken care of… And Percy, Thalia and Annabeth, were like the only ones with any kind of investment or even knowledge there, I mean it’s not like May was public knowledge and everybody cared. And who knows, maybe Thalia did go there off screen, check on her with the Hunt.

I’m generally not okay with Riordan’s attempt at portraying Percy as a bad friend in HoO. It’s wildly OoC. He established Percy’s fatal flaw to be that he would let the world burn for his friends, but suddenly he can’t be bothered with said friends? Both, Calypso and Bob, as used by Riordan, then the lack of Grover, the lack of… of any big reunion aside from Annabeth. He took this character that he specifically created as a very loving and devoted friend and suddenly made him not really care and also not really making friends. Yeah, Frank and Hazel. But… Percy Jackson? The Percy Jackson from the first series? He’d have been friends with everyone on the ship in five hours flat.

I STILL DON’T GET THE BOB AND DAMASEN PART. FUCK YEAH. Seriously, it’s been years and this still bugs me. That Percy and Annabeth were just like “Well. The doors closed. They dead now. Such a shame”. What the actual fuck was that. Try to save them! You could have still saved them!!! That was, too, so very OoC. Like Percy Jackson would just turn his back and let two of his comrades die.

[moonanagames]

Good and bad news, CHECK THIS OUT PLZ

(are... are you ready)

Haro my fellow earthlings and interplanetarian folks!

Today I bring good and bad news altogether, so please bear with me for a bit! Firstly, I wanted to talk about how development has been going since the very beginning, so let us go to our nice time capsule :D

This is a timeline of the development up until now, I tried to be the most accurate as I could, but it can be a bit difficult when I don’t remember many things anymore lol

The game is in development since January 2017. The timeline goes like this:

2017

From January to May, 20, I developed on my own my first public demo of Virgo Vs The Zodiac. It took longer as I was all by myself.

Then my Grandma said she wouldn’t be able to support me anymore if I was going to quit college to develop games. From May to August, I prepared the Crowdfunding Campaign to help me fund the project and my EXISTENCE. The Campaign was launched in September 2017, I think.

After the campaign ended, I could finally get Anglerman onboard! Ay! He does animations for enemies and some party members animations too and is also the greatest deity of our lives. A legend. He helped me a lot with the Game Design Document I was working on because new people would join and I needed to make the things in my head to be a bit more concrete.

From the end of the Campaign until October we were working with a another programmer, but that didn’t work too well since they had another big project they were working on at the time. We had to change the programmer. It was when I found Ben here on Tumblr, current lead programmer. Our lord and savior.

After that I was browsing tumblr randomly and I found Veyerals among asks sent to this tumblr and thought his work with menus was pretty cool (and I liked his game as well, played a lot of that back then). Veyerals joined the project too as the UI programmer and would also be working with the SHMUP mini games, which he had experience with. Bless the UI G.O.D.

From that point on we had to basically rebuild the game from scratch from the moment we got the new programmers. Not only develop the game from scratch, but doing everything RPG Maker already had built in for us into the new engine because that was the only thing I knew in terms of “programming”. That and adding everything new I thought for the project. It was a huge amount of work, and we only had a battle system working fine in December, where we started developing a new build.

(concept art of lady nurse)

2018

In this year things got a bit complicated!

At first, when the battle system was mainly “complete”, as we thought back then, we delivered a 15 mins build for ID@XBOX to be shown at the Game Developers Conference, on January 2018.

We had billions of problems from january to august with the development and also unrelated to the development, like dealing with US taxes. A lot of things weren't working as we wanted them to be, this time was mostly spent on making the timed hits to feel nice, rebuilding the base systems and trying to make the game to have the same feeling as the RPG Maker build had of it being challenging. Also, overall asset production. That was demanding as heck. In RPG Maker the enemies didn't move, while in Game Maker they were animated. I had never worked with Game Maker before, so me and Anglerman (the animator and fellow game designer) had to learn the engine from scratch while developing the game, that resulted in a lot of set backs, but lead us to where we are now. We're confident with the overall game's scaling, difficulty, battles and systems. In Game Maker the maps are also bigger and have way more polishing, so that took a lot of time to get used to on the new engine.

(a really weird, but solved, bug)

From that point on we built Capricorn, and started working on Taurus and other realms at the same time. After some time we determined that doing several realms at the same time, even though we knew which level the player would be wouldn't work well, and we decided to finish the realms before heading to other realm.

Billion lines of code later, in october we started development of the first 2 hours and a half of Taurus. All of it took one month and a half. It was a significant improvement from the previous 5 months to develop the same amount of gameplay! We determined that we can finish the game on the first half on 2019 upon seeing the progress of the development in Taurus. Now we have a stable work flow, as our lead programmer only has to work on random tiny things, for example, "I would like for Virgo to throw Alpacas for an event, can you add that?". Those are small details that Ben can do easily. Everything that was promised on the campaign, like SHMUP minigames and the crafting system is also all working nicely and well.

That brings us to the bad news: The release will be delayed, for all the reasons exposed before. At first we thought of keeping with the date announced in the Crowdfunding Campaign of December 4th and release the game in Early Access. However it all seemed unfair to the Beta Backers who donated first to get access to early builds of the game. Other than that, a save system of something like a RPG such as Virgo Vs The Zodiac wouldn’t work well with the early access system of Steam. Just imagine your save messing up every time the game is updated. That would be just bad. xD Unfortunately I didn’t know that back then when I announced the date, and I didn’t know the amount of hassle I would go through to learn the engine while developing the game. I can only blame my naiveness, honestly. Other than that, December isn’t a good time to release games because of the Steam Sale that makes it harder for new games to be noticed with so many games on sale.

With that being clarified, I can say now that the game would most likely be released in the first half of 2019, around Q2. I apologize deeply and am extremely sad, I was even avoiding saying this here and avoiding social medias in general due to anxiety attacks <_< I’m sorry for that as well! For anyone who said their birthday was in the same day as the game’s release, I apologize immensely, and please send me a message and I’ll send you a card of Sagittarius wishing you a happy birthday. It’s the only thing I can do now, to be honest. S O R R Y =(

O U T R A G E O U S

New possible release date: Q2 2019.

As for the good news now:

Taurus Realm Build For Backers

The Taurus build I was talking about will be sent to backers this week! :D You can expect a bossfight with a Zodiac, millions of new characters, around 1800 new lines of dialogues, new equipment to check, new fellows to beat or spare, quests and the SHMUP minigame, now implemented on the game! Also, as seen on the trailer, you can throw enemies off screen now :3

Kinda Funny Games Showcase

We’ll also be participating on Kinda Funny’s Games Showcase that’ll be happening in December 8th! You’ll be able to see a new trailer of Virgo Vs The Zodiac on the stream that’ll be happening on Kinda Funny’s Twitch. That’s a really cool opportunity for us, so eternal thanks to Greg Miller for chosing VvtZ. That got me by surprise! xD

Date: Saturday, December 8th

Time: 10am PT

I think that’s it! Basically we had a lot of setbacks, but we’re in the right path again now and I can say doing anything is faster as is! The game’s quality improved and the development became more demanding of our skills, but it’s also a nice challenge for everyone. I’m glad to have started this project, my life was pretty dull back then, I had lost many important things before and VvtZ brought sparkle back to my life. That’s important, as even in the most difficult times I can remember I’m creating something I have so much fun with. I’m blessed to have all the people who support me on Virgo Vs The Zodiac discord, who supported me in the campaign and everyone around social medias. It’s what makes my days happier, tbh.

Ever since I began development I lost contact with many of my friends from the other city I lived in, but I also made many other precious friends who helped me along the way! All the good and bad memories on my life shaped this place I created for myself in the world. I like this place, it’s comfy :3 Again, I’m sorry for ruining your expectations to have the game up on Steam this year, it’s a first delaying the development like this. As a Taurus I can say it pains the most to not have things done when I need them to be despite the hard work going behind this game. Damned Bugs. I want the bugs to die. Gotta work even harder from now on to extinguish bugs the maximum we can!

[icypantherwrites]

why are you not responding to comments anymore? :(

(This is some very weird timing just fyi jaja)

I’m going to assume this is in reference to my commenting on Ao3? I really do try my best to respond to all  asks of content (unless they’re the bevy of hate anons recently again >>) on tumblr :)

But you are correct if the above, for right now I have stopped replying. The easy answer would be to say time. It does take a lot of time to draft responses, especially when I’m updating multiple fics at a time (not a current issue though xD). But for as much time as I put into responses (and lately haven’t had to do as much nn;) time is not the main issue. 

I’m not sure how to explain it, really. I guess it really is centered around my relationship with that commenter. I look forward to hearing from them and am excited to see what they thought of a new fic or update. I feel a bit like I know them and we can gush together about things and that’s what fandom is all about ♥ 

But when I’ve built that relationship with someone (or even just respond in full detail to a new reader and then never see them again, especially on a chaptered fic) and they just… disappear, it’s very hurtful. I try to assume real life things are taking up their time now, or even perhaps they’re no longer fans of the series (and I’ve noticed a bunch of regular commenters MIA since December so thank you, season eight >>) and that they’ve got more important things to do than read fanfiction and leave comments. But there’s a part of me that always thinks that I did something; I offended them with my response (or even a fic) or I made it too short and they felt slighted and just… it’s my fault and I pushed them away. 

And that’s not a good feeling. It’s not a good feeling to spend all this time building a relationship (a friendship even, in some cases, or so I thought) and then for them to leave. I’ve lost friends over the years (recently had a best friend cut off all contact with no warning because of a mutual friend situation that I won’t go into except that it still hurts a lot) and even though I have never and likely never will meet those who read and comment on my fics, it feels very similar. 

I guess it boils down to me being tired. Tired of putting out time and effort and working to maintain a relationship in which the other person has already left. Tired of feeling let down by expectations of others because I hold myself to the same standard (and somehow even though I know better still doing so xD). And just tired of feeling disappointed and then angry at myself that I even feel that way because no one owes me anything and it’s their decision to choose to comment (or even read) or not and I can’t control that. I’m in a very weird headspace right now, forgive me if that made zero sense xD

So for right now I have backed off from responding to comments just because I need to separate myself from some of the above. Perhaps I’ll bounce back with another fic, I’m not sure. But please know that I am still very much reading them and appreciate those that leave comments so so much ♥ They truly do brighten my day. If you ever have a major question you’d like an answer to feel free to throw some asterisks at it to denote as such or shoot me an ask or message here and I’ll do my best to answer :)

(and gosh, this turned into an essay. Lo siento, apparently just in full on ramble mode tonight.)

[oldsamshouseoffic]

Southern Sun

Words: 7161

My very first modern AU.

Merry Kristannamas, @epbaker! Based on your recs you seem to appreciate a variety of AUs and character interpretations, so I tried to push out of my comfort zone. And boy, did I. It was meant to be a simple fluffy oneshot but, well, you can see it kind of got away from me and is now double the length I planned with oodles of family angst. I split it into four parts and the fluff doesn’t really start until Part III: Bribery. But they get there, they do get there.

I hope you enjoy my hot mess. It even follows the suggested theme...

To anyone with actual knowledge of Antarctic operations, my apologies in advance for the many, many inaccuracies.

Part I: Lousy Antarctica

Lousy Antarctica.

Anna Arendal threw her covers off and dragged herself to her feet, strangling a howl of frustration as she looked at the clock, her only reliable measure of time on this stupid continent. She opened the shutters, ignoring the recommended closure hours sensibly displayed across them in Norwegian, and let the bright daylight into her room. Her brain kind of knew the light was there anyway, even if she couldn't see it. It felt like daytime, twenty-four seven. And she had got used to it. Mostly. Normally. You couldn't be an intrepid polar researcher if you couldn't manage the weird hours- everyone knew that. But...

Lousy Kristoff.

Lousy storm.

Lousy dated, unreliable equipment, that falls apart if a teensy little gale force wind hits it.

Lousy... actually, this wasn't Elsa's fault at all, not this time.

Lousy Anna. Lousy Anna's lousy big mouth.

Lousy comms blackout, at the worst possible time.

She fell back on top of the mangled bed covers, the ambient chill than pervaded every inch of Troll Station even in summer creeping under her onesie and the pyjamas underneath that, at throat and wrist and ankle, setting her skin tingling. The chill cut through the fog of her insomniac funk, just a little.

It was all her fault. And Kristoff's. And the storm, obviously. And the midnight sun. But mainly hers.

She shouldn't have yelled at him. Kristoff was a big, oblivious... Kristoff, and she was expecting him to be a mind-reader. Of course he didn't get why she'd been pulling out her hair about a few days without Internet. She'd never explained about her family, after all. Not that he'd been very polite about it.

But then neither had Anna. Maybe it was guilt, the reason she was replaying their argument in her head over and over. Or maybe... maybe it was a sign of how few people she actually had, out here, on the underside of the world. How few friends to lose.

Lousy language barrier...

Antarctica is a post-state scientific utopia. In theory.

On December 1st, 1959, the twelve nations with active science bases on the frozen continent signed the Antarctic treaty, dedicating one of the great land masses of Earth to peace and scientific discovery. As of 2006, forty countries are signed up to the treaty and operate research bases and stations. More than forty are permanent, 12 months-per-year settlements, antennae and living pods linked together like moon bases, dozens more are small, summer outposts.

The biggest, McMurdo Station, is American. It is more like a town than an outpost, its population never dropping below two hundred even in the depths of the polar winter, and swelling to over a thousand in the summer research season. That was where Anna had spent her first season in the continent. So many fellow research biologists. So many penguins! She could literally walk to one of the Adélie colonies, except that she had promised never to do that again. Those darn pencil pushers...

This year was different. Particular research had to be collected from other parts of the continent, very specific, penguin-ey data which couldn't be gleaned from what other nations had shared. I can do that one, Anna had said, pointing to where Troll Station had been circled on the map. My parents spoke Norwegian. I'll fit right in...

“It'll be great!” Anna had insisted to Elsa. “No more of the big-base politics and bureaucracy and meetings... Ugh, so many meetings! All the nonsense there was around that congressional visit. None of which was my fault, by the way. Just real researchers, braving the frozen wilds for science!”

Elsa had looked uncertain; she hadn't said anything about how Anna was travelling to the other end of the planet again, and that it was different this time, they were different. But they'd promised to stay in contact- the base had a dish for Internet- and Anna had sworn she wouldn't let them drift apart a second time.

The journey back to the frozen continent had gone smoothly, considering how complicated it all was. Connecting flights down the length of the Americas, an overnight stay at an airfield in Argentina, and then a chartered plane had brought her back to McMurdo. She'd had enough time to say 'See ya later' to a couple of old friends before the equipment she'd need was collected and loaded onto yet another plane, which had carried her to the South Pole.

A pilot had greeted her on arrival, a sharp-featured older woman who had informed her in laboured English that she was to to fly her the rest of the way, and had seemed surprised but delighted when Anna answered her in Norwegian, even complementing her accent. She hadn't known she had an accent. Was that... actually a complement, though?

With an hour or two free once she'd made sure her luggage was safely transferred to the smaller cargo plane, and although she had already felt tired from the long hours in the air, Anna had still got out and walked around the Amundsen–Scott South Pole Station. Partly to stretch her legs, and partly because she was at the South Pole.

The South Pole... Wasn't that just crazy? Mother Earth's frosty little butt.

It hadn't even been all that cold, being the start of the Antarctic summer. Okay, pretty cold, maybe minus twenty, but she'd come straight from the first frosts of a New York winter and was wrapped up in the finest thermal gear government funding could buy, so she'd felt the sting on the exposed parts of her cheeks and that was about all.

There was... literally a pole there.

Right in front of the base. It was a goofy little thing- red and white striped with a shiny ball on top, sticking up absurdly from the packed white permafrost. To think so many men died to reach the site of some novelty lawn ornament...

She had taken a selfie with it, to send to Elsa as soon as she had Internet.

By the time the final leg had brought her to the little airfield alongside Troll Station, she had been awake for more than twenty hours, which had made it, according to the pilot, only mid morning by Central European Time. A massive man whose ginger muttonchops were sprinkled with white had been standing, waiting for her, by a red minibus fitted with massive winter tyres. Every vehicle in Antarctica looked like a scaled-up kids' toy.  As it turned out that was the station director, Dr Kjøpmann, who insisted on Anna calling him Oaken with the same polite informality which proved to be the norm for... most of the station staff.

On the way from the airfield Oaken had launched into what could well have been the introductory spiel he gave every newcomer. Troll Station was established first by the Norwegians as a summer outpost, and only expanded into a permanent, year-round station in 2003. This was good news in a lot of ways- there were all the modern conveniences. A TV room. Even basic Wi-Fi- although he admitted it wasn't very reliable. A sauna- Anna had tried not to giggle at that. But of course there was a sauna...

And the base now had a wind turbine to generate part of its power. He sounded particularly proud of that. Then Anna remembered being told that a good portion of the Norwegian scientists at the base were environmental researchers. Sustainability was probably close to their hearts.

The base was not much to look at in itself- Antarctic stations never are. A handful of blocky prefabricated buildings, mostly bright red to stand out at a distance to anyone lost nearby, connected by tracks and walkways. What really stood out was that it was all built not on snow, but on bare rock. A huge rock formation rose out of the ice sheet, running up towards a collection of oddly shaped mountains in the near distance, and the Norwegians had planted their flag right on top of it. Oaken explained all this, adding that the mountains were the 'trolls' after which the station had been named.

By the time they had made it to the station, Anna had been half-awake, and they had installed her equipment in one of the lab buildings and installed Anna herself in an empty dormitory room as quickly as possible so she could sleep off some of her extreme jet lag, having gone from EST to New Zealand time then back to European time over the course of one trip.

Left alone to unpack and rest, she'd zipped open her case, changed into her pyjamas, pulled her favourite penguin onesie on over the top because she'd still felt the chill, then remembered just in time to text Elsa.

......

Did you arrive yet? x

Anna, please text me when you're safely there. You know I get jittery when you travel x

Arrived safely! ;)

Thank God. How is your Norwegian holding up?

Xxx

Okey dokey so far.

I'm so out of practice.

Elsa I need my sleep. So do you. It's 4am in NY.

Wait!

???

Forgot this. Lo, ye literal South Pole XD

This... is ridiculous x

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Don't let the bed bugs bite x

Have an adventure, Anna. Skype me. Love you x

Luv u xxx

......

Sisterly duty discharged, Anna had flipped the light switch and collapsed straight onto the bed, instantly asleep...

She'd been woken up again after only a couple of hours, but that was life, wasn't it?

Broken sleep was kind of part of working through the midnight sun, Anna considered, still staring at the ceiling of her room. Maybe they were all feeling a little edgy, shorter tempered...

After another twenty minutes replaying her good and bad choices with increasing frustration, Anna thought: To heck with it. Brooding was Elsa's thing- she was a problem solver.

Well, how to solve her problems, then?

Problem 1: Elsa. Couldn't do anything about her until the storm damage to the comms dish was fixed.

Problem 2: Kristoff.

Kristoff. Anna had the beginnings of a plan to repair that particular burned bridge. Hopping up, she pulled her boots, gloves and coat on over her night clothes. If she remembered the rota right, Olaf was on nights at the moment...

Olaf Snømann was in his element. Three quarters of the staff were asleep and the canteen block was empty, so he could use the kitchen without interruption. Strictly speaking, Troll Station having no official chef, meals were meant to be cooked by the researchers based on a rota, but Olaf often volunteered his down time to bake, mix, prepare. Partly because putting together a lovely stew relaxed him when he wasn't grappling with satellite data, and partly because if he didn't cook, someone else had to- and most of his colleagues struggled to empty a tin of herring onto a slice of bread. It certainly made him popular. Everyone wanted to be friends with the cook.

Of course, with the satellite down he had all the time in the world anyway.

The door swung open which a swish of frozen air which tickled Olaf's scalp through his thin, silver hair, and a lone figure waddled in, wrapped in a thick high vis coat. It wasn't time for the night shift to eat, but there was no mistaking his visitor anyway. Olaf stopped stirring the stew pot and hurried to shut the door as fast as his stumpy legs would allow as American Anna undid her jacket, yawning. Underneath she was dressed in the same bizarre one-piece hooded costume that she'd worn the first time they'd met, her wind-burnt face framed by ginger pigtails sticking out under a goofy plush penguin face...

She had only been at the base a couple of hours at that point, months ago, but according to her she had forgotten to turn off her phone alarm. Now, an early alarm in Latin America is past midday in Europe and, finding herself awake at lunch, she'd decided to brazen out her jet lag and try the canteen.

Everyone had introduced themselves, of course. And it had turned out the base rumour mill was, for once, true and she actually spoke Norwegian, although her accent was so strong Olaf couldn't believe she had ever left the United States before. Although Olaf's own spoken English was atrocious, so it was a relief to know they wouldn't have to rely on it.

In any case, she had sat down, bleary-eyed, clad in her novelty onesie, said thank you very politely for the smørbrød Olaf had placed before her, before devouring a good half of it with her hands- like a toddler. Eventually she'd gone pink in the cheeks, registering that people were staring, and picked up her knife and fork to finish. Someone had jokingly called her 'Pingu' and she'd looked at them blankly. Olaf had shooed them away and sat down to eat with her, feeling a little protective of this young, half-penguin researcher, with her feral American table manners, half asleep and wholly out of her element.

And she was fun, it turned out. A breath of fresh, crazy air. He'd not had a snowball fight in years before Anna had arrived...

Anna coughed, bringing Olaf's mind back to the present before he could .

���Hi Olaf. I'm sorry about the dish.”

He looked back at the pot. “What? Oh, the satellite dish.” He shrugged, smiling serenely. “These things happen. He glanced out one of the little porthole-like windows, sighed, and returned to stirring the pot. “This land is beautiful, powerful, dangerous... that is part of the wonder of it. A little damage, a little delay- it's nothing we can't fix.”

Anna inhaled sharply, wringing her hands. “Yeah... fixing things. About that. Could I ask you a really, really big favour?”

Part II: Penguin Girl

Kristoff shovelled snow.

The base had a snow plough, obviously, but the storm had done more than spread a few feet of powder over the roads. In the driving wind, tonnes had built up in dense drifts against the buildings, burying cables and equipment that had to be dug out by hand. And so, since Lars had called dibs on the plough and he wouldn't be driving Anna anywhere until comms were restored, Kristoff had picked up a shovel and offered a hand.

That was if Anna ever actually wanted to share a cab with him again. The thought that she might insist Oaken assign her one of the other techs bothered him in a way part of him found surprising. He wasn't sure exactly when he'd stopped being annoyed by the ginger menace and started...

He carried on shovelling. He'd been working at it steadily for a while now; Sápmi winters had trained him well and he kept up a clean, rhythmic technique, the exertion warming him against the burning cold of the Antarctic air, efficiently clearing the loose-packed snow into piles that could be swept off by vehicle. Initially the exercise had kept his head clear, stopped him from dwelling on the fight, but now specific impressions kept forcing their way back into his head.

Anna had been so unreasonably angry, Kristoff had thought, about losing Skype when the blackout left the base cut off from other stations if there were an actual emergency, and when the whole TrollSat team's actual jobs rested on the comms mast being fixed, and when actual international treaties existed around Norway sharing that satellite data. And he'd told her so, and he'd not really listened to her...

But now, now he remembered her hands, fidgeting, tying her braids in knots as she'd complained; the tension in her wide blue-green eyes, almost tearful, and that wasn't just Anna being her usual impatient, volatile self. Something had been very wrong, and Kristoff hadn't listened.

Now he was worried, and wondering if it was too late to fix... whatever they had. It wasn't like he could fix comms.

Kristoff remembered when he had first set eyes on her...

He'd been hearing the others gossip about Anna for a couple of days, the strange American penguin girl, but they'd kept missing each other, which suited him fine. 'Kind of hot', apparently, 'in a Pippi Långstrump sort of way'- he hadn't wanted to dwell on that particular disturbing mental image. All Kristoff had known was that some American government agency had cut a deal with some Norwegian government agency, which meant he now had to spend four days a week ferrying some stranger far overland to look at birds.

He had been checking over the snowcat when Anna and Oaken had come strolling up together. The Red Sven was a tracked polar specialist about the size of a tow truck, and the only vehicle they had with the necessary speed and range for Ms Arendal's outings. The director had simply handed Kristoff his revised work schedule and marched back to his office with a wave, leaving his more taciturn countryman to try and make conversation with the newcomer.

It had turned out that making conversation with Anna Arendal was mostly nodding and saying 'Huh'. Her Norwegian was better than he'd heard, although her accent was strong, going high and low in all the wrong places with heavy American 'R's. Still, words, mostly the correct ones, poured bubbling up out of this girl- sweet and effervescent and unrelentingly upbeat, like a human can of Sprite. Questions, follow-up questions, answers to questions he hadn't asked... maybe it was a nervous trait?. She had just arrived after all.

Their first trip had dispelled the theory that Anna only talked too much when she was nervous, as she'd quickly settled into a calm, collected routine of always thinking in her mouth.

Anna was in Troll Station because it was 'close' to penguin colonies she needed to observe and collect data from. However, Antarctica was a continent, and 'close' meant travelling hundreds of miles by snowcat as opposed to thousands by plane. Troll Station being the 'closest' to the colonies she needed to study meant that it was 'only' a three hour drive each way in fine weather, plus an hour or two of driving between the penguin nesting spots themselves. Plus waiting around for Anna to make observations and collect samples.

And through it all, Anna would talk...

Are we there yet?

No.

You don't say much, huh?

No.

…

…

…

If the rock rises through the ice around the station, is the ice thinner? Like, do we have to worry less about falling in cracks?

Actually, you'd think so, but no.  The ice gets thick pretty quick as you move away from the Jutulsessen nunatak.

…

…

…

I've never observed an Emperor colony before. Most of the data I collected last year is from Macaronis, but we need to track the pollution effects on the other Antarctic species and form hypotheses about dietary factors, so... are you listening?

Um, sure.

…

…

…

Are you ever around in winter?

No, it's only really the satellite station team that are needed during the long night.

Twenty-four hours of night. That must suck.

Yes.

…

…

…

Are the nights very long where you come from?

Oh yes.

So, far in the North?

Sápmi.

Sorry?

Sápmi. You know, ugh, 'Lapland'?

Like Santa Claus?

...No, not like Santa Claus.

…

…

…

What's a Pingu?

…

…

…

It had been exhausting at first, chauffeuring their foreign guest from breeding site to breeding site. That first week, the idea of being grounded at Troll Station for a few days would have sounded like a holiday. So why, whatever he did, however much he tinkered with the vehicles in the garage, or cleared snow until his back and shoulders burned and his clothes and beard were dusted white... Why did the day feel so empty now?

He missed the easy smile, the fizzy energy that escaped in bursts of joy, or curiosity, or irritation. He somehow missed the constant barrage of words.

He missed Anna. At some point in all those long, long drives over the ice, she'd grown on him.

Like a terrorist and her hostage...

Part III: Bribery

The sun didn't set during December in Antarctica. But this far from the Pole it did skim lower in the sky for a few hours, swelling into a warmer golden light that smeared itself along the horizon like the glow of a distant fire. Kristoff liked to sit out and watch it sometimes, on his breaks or when there was no work for him. That was how Anna found him, sat on a box by the wall of the garage block and sipping steaming black coffee from a Thermos flask. Alone. Good.

He was looking away from her, scarf loose around his thick blond beard, woolly hat pulled down over his ears, rolling his broad shoulders gently as if working out the aches and pains of the day. Anna saw the shovel propped up against the wall next to him. Clearly Kristoff had been making himself a lot more useful than she had been, sulking in bed, and for a moment she hesitated to bother him.

No, shyness wasn't going to solve anything. If Kristoff didn't want to talk to Anna he could tell her. And the package in her hands wasn't getting any warmer.

“Anna?” She jumped.

“Oh, Kristoff...” Anna swallowed nervously. She'd been spotted, no point in trying to back out now. She stepped up to her colleague, her rehearsed apology completely evaporating from her mind. “So, I...” “I should apologise.”

“What? No! I should apologise.” Anna blinked in surprise. “I yelled at you.”

“I didn't listen to you.”

“No one listens to me!” Anna paused. “I talk too much I know it's a thing.” She held the bag in her hands out to him. “Peace offering. I didn't have time to wrap it.”

“For me?” Kristoff stared at the bag for a couple of heartbeats, then took it and sat back down on the box, shuffling over so Anna could join him. He lifted the box out of the bag, a large plastic tub she and Olaf had found in the kitchen, and...

As Kristoff cracked open the lid of the tub, the smell of sweet fried dough was detectable even in the icy midsummer air. He smiled. “Doughnuts. You got Olaf to make them again.”

“Yep.”

“Everyone has been badgering him to make more since... well, the last time. He said we had to wait for a special occasion.”

“I twisted his arm.”

“They're so good.”

“Yep.” Anna was giggling now. “And they're all yours. Tell no one, or the meteorological team will descend on you like vultures.”

Kristoff laughed, and Anna was finally starting to relax, relieved. “It's a strange world.”

Kristoff reached for a rucksack sitting on the snowy rock, and fiddled with fastenings. Thermal gloves made little things awkward. Eventually, mumbling an apology, he drew out a small package tied up in a cotton rag. “I didn't have time to wrap, either.”

Anna let him place the little parcel in her hands. “And it's not even Christmas yet.” As she pulled the cloth away she saw the gleam of coloured foil. Was it really...

“Chocolate!” Anna jumped up and down, clutching The Precious to her chest, then sat down self-consciously. “Wow, thanks. My stash lasted, like, a week. Not even that.”

She turned back to Kristoff. “I can't believe we both decided to bribe each other with sugar.”

“It's the drug of choice around here.”

“Like cigarettes in prison.”

“We should talk.”

“Yeah...”

“I promise to listen this time.”

It was far too cold to stay outside, so Kristoff led her into the garage. Soon they were sat together in the cab of Kristoff's snowcat, as they had on so many achingly cold, bright 'mornings' since Anna had arrived here.

Anna's chocolate was frozen solid- goodness knows where Kristoff had been hiding it, maybe buried somewhere safe from hungry researchers- so they shared Kristoff's doughnuts as Anna explained a little of her family situation.

How Elsa had increasingly isolated herself from everyone including, most hurtfully, her sister. How they hadn't realised how ill she was, not for years- Pappa hadn't really encouraged them to talk about it.

Eventually, in their twenties, after they had both made some questionable choices- Kristoff didn't need to hear about Anna’s jerkass of an ex just yet- things had reached a breaking point.

After a particularly severe crisis had landed Elsa in the ER, she was finally receiving the medical attention she should have been getting from the beginning. Encouraged by her therapists, she had reached out to Anna.

They were making progress, slowly learning to be sisters again. But things were still fragile between them. Anna could be thoughtless and short-tempered, Elsa was painfully sensitive and sometimes kind of paranoid... it was a volatile combination.

In their last Skype call before the storm had wrecked the mast Elsa had been smiling, proud of herself. She had gone to a Christmas party. Elsa. Elsa Arendal had gone to a party. And enjoyed herself. With people. And dancing.

Anna had asked her where the party had been. Elsa had prevaricated, but Anna had pressed the issue, knowing her sister didn't drink and the blush on her cheeks was not alcohol.

“It... was an office party.”

“Oh really... Whose?”

“Oh, whose office? A, um, friend.”

“A friend took you on a date, huh?”

“Well it doesn't have to be a date, necessarily.”

“Uh-huh...”

“Okay, it was. Maybe.”

“Ooh... Maybe I should check this guy out, ask him his intentions towards my sister. Or do I know him already? You don't meet that many people, no offence.”

“No, no.”

“You hesitated.”

“No, honestly, she's new in town... oh God.”

Kristoff looked wary. “And was that...”

Anna nearly spat out her doughnut. “Oh for God's sake Kristoff, I'm not a homophobe! I'm a scientist! It would be like... hating someone for their shoe size!”

Kristoff's nose scrunched up when he was thinking. It was kind of adorable- Wait, what?

“So, if you're not-”

“There's no if! Geez, one nightmare clown gets elected and everyone thinks the worst of us.”

“So what did you say?”

Anna face-palmed, groaning. “Nothing.”

There was a pregnant pause.

“Nothing? You?”

“I panicked! Said some nonsense about having my lab tests to get back to...”

Anna found herself fidgeting with her hair again. “We're sisters, and I love her, but sometimes it seems like I hardly know anything about her. Elsa pulled away from me so hard all through our teens- I didn't know then about her mental health, I just thought there was something wrong with me, maybe. And it just got worse after Mamma and Pappa passed. We've only really reconnected in the last year after she started getting therapy and meds, and so much is still uncharted territory between us.

There should have been sleepovers and girls' nights in and blanket forts where we talked about our crushes and shared our darkest secrets. But there was none of that. Just a locked bedroom door I passed on my way to the stairs. And being reminded of that made me feel like the lousiest sister in the world all over again.”

She pulled her legs up to her body, hugging her knees. “And you know, I am.”

Anna put her hand up to stay Kristoff's well-meaning protests.

“No, really. I made it about me. I got all weird and made excuses so I'd have time to feel comfortable. I was so scared of saying the wrong thing I said nothing! The one time I didn't talk when I actually should have...

I should have told her that it was okay. I shouldn't have signed off before I was sure she believed that. Elsa never finds it easy to tell me anything. Her issues make her so scared all the time, make her expect the worst. But she's been trying so hard. She's been getting better...”

Anna buried her face in her hands. “But that was when we lost Internet! And phones! Everything! Like, ten minutes later, back at the lab I had started to worry and wanted to send her a quick message, something supportive, even just a stupid little “Luv u Elsa xxx”...

...But no signal. Blackout! So now my only sister's back stateside thinking I freaked out and ghosted her, probably deciding to cut me out of her life for good this time. Or worse, having another breakdown... because of me...”

Kristoff wasn't the most demonstrative guy Anna had ever met, so she was surprised when he shifted the remaining doughnuts to one side and wrapped her in a tight hug.

It was nice, though. It was really nice, even with the gearshift pressing into her hip. She felt adrift in nightmarish uncertainty, no clue what Elsa was doing, no way to fix it, and the feeling of his arms encircling her, thick and strong as tree trunks, was kind of grounding. He was so calm and still most of the time, it was easy to forget how big he was. Two Annas big. Like a bear. A brawny Norwegian bear man.  She couldn't really feel the warmth of him through the layers of insulating clothing they both wore, but... why was she thinking about that?

“Anna, listen to me. The dish will be fixed before you know it. You will call your sister, or Skype or whatever you want. You will tell her exactly what you told me, and she will understand and she will love you. We will carry on collecting data, data and poop alike, I will make you watch Pingu in the TV room so you understand the joke, and everything- that means everything- will be alright. Okay?”

Anna nodded. Something about the sheer, solid presence of Kristoff made it easier to believe his words, to expect good things, as she mumbled his words back to him. “Everything will be alright.”

“That's right.”

They met again the next evening, in the same spot- where Kristoff waited in the freezing wind with a sheepish grin and enough coffee for them both. Anna's chocolate had had time to thaw out and was no longer like trying to bite into a slab of glass, so they took their eating caffeine and drinking caffeine into the garage workshop. Kristoff must have known it would be empty.

“I should explain my behaviour,” Kristoff announced out of nowhere.

Anna put her plastic mug down on the crate that Kristoff had dragged over between their stools to make them a table, with that effortless strength of his. “No offense, but you need to narrow that down.”

“I can often be too...” Kristoff trailed off, his brow furrowing under his woolly hat.

“Laconic?”

He grunted. “Actually, yes. My family are a bit overpowering. It would make sense if you could meet them.”

Anna leaned in, curious. “Your family?”

She'd never thought about him as a family person. But then she'd never asked. Had she really been so self-centred?

“Well, adoptive family. My brother, that's my... hold on.”

Kristoff reached into his coat to retrieve one of the indestructible phones the Norwegian teams were issued with and flicked through a couple of screens, before turning it over to her. It showed a photo of two young men dressed in colourful woollen clothes, smiling and hugging each other while one held up the camera. It took a moment to realise which one was Kristoff- he looked different without the thick beard he'd been wearing since she had arrived.

“My only blood relation. Sven and I lost our folks when we were very little. Then we were adopted by new parents. There were ten of us, altogether, growing up right at the furthest frozen edge of the north of Europe.”

“Ten?” Anna gawked. One sibling had been complicated growing up- seven seemed like, well a zoo.

Kristoff chuckled at the face she was making. “Pappa said it kept the house warm. It was crowded. I never had much time to myself as a boy, except when I was out on the ice. At home, there was always someone talking to me, dragging me off to join in with something. Sometimes there would be songs, all through our little house, just because someone felt like singing and then Mamma joined in, then everyone else joined in...”

“They sound wonderful,” Anna blurted out, before she could stop herself. Compared to the years of her parents always being busy with the company, and Elsa ghosting her- not that they'd known why at the time...

Kristoff snorted. “They are. But also loud, and excitable, and overbearing, and kinda never shut up. I miss them, but at the same time I need to get away for some of the year.”

At that, Anna felt something implode slightly inside of her, a feeling she couldn't exactly account for, but she didn't want to ruin their second actual proper conversation, so she tried to grin and make a joke of it.

“So, you come all the way to the bottom of the world for some peace and quiet, and instead you're driving me two hundred clicks to collect penguin poop, while I talk, and talk, and talk your ear off the whole way? Tough break. Wow.”

Kristoff looked up at her and shook his head. “The whole drive back, too. But that's not quite what I meant. I should relate to people. It is part of life, I want to. But I guess my family has left me too... passive. You come to me, and you sit and talk and I let you, like you're one of my kid sisters. But you are not. I am not home, letting the noise wash over me, where my family know what I feel even if I do not show it. I am here, and you are my... friend, and I should talk to you, let you know that your company is valued.”

Anna wasn't expecting the sudden turn, and the sad look in Kristoff's eyes and the hesitant way he said 'friend', like it was a question, had her head spinning in odd ways. “That's well, I mean, not that- Do you? Value it? My company? I value yours. I think I took that for granted before our fight, which is a thing I do and- sorry.”

Kristoff nodded, radiating sincerity. “I do, Anna.” He held out his gloved hand across the crate, mashing the empty chocolate foil, and Anna took it and held it. “We're all the way out here in fourteen million square kilometres of ice and frozen rock, and only a few thousand complete madmen-”

“And madwomen!”

Kristoff laughed. “-To share it with. It's good we have each other, don't you think?”

Anna squeezed his hand. “Yeah.”

“I have good news.”

“Oh! Hi...” Anna looked up from her breakfast to see Kristoff awkwardly hovering. Checking the hood of her onesie to make sure it hid her bed hair, she wondered for a second why he was looking so uncomfortable if he had good news... before she realised he was just waiting for an invitation. “Sit, sit, come on Kristoff! Tell me.”

Kristoff joined her at the table, grasping a mug of that now familiar thick black coffee. She wondered if he drank it instead of sleeping- he was certainly up at all hours.

“The repairs to the satellite system are almost complete.”

Anna's face lit up. “That's amazing! How long...”

“They'll be able to reintegrate with the satellite and start relaying data back to Europe tomorrow morning.”

“And Internet? Phones?”

Kristoff scratched his beard. “That will take another day or two. Oaken wants to make sure we have everything straightened out before we bring back non-emergency comms, so no Wi-Fi.”

Anna's heart sank.

“But...” Kristoff smiled. “Oaken's office has a direct broadband connection, which will be back straight away, and I told him you had a family emergency and, well, he's really a good boss.”

“Wait, what did you tell him?” Anna's eyes widened.

“Oh, no details, only that you needed to contact your sister urgently. He may or may not think that she's dying.” Kristoff shrugged. “The advantage of not asking for anything for five years is, when you do, people take it very seriously. Just talk to Oaken and arrange when it would be best to use his office tomorrow-”

Kristoff wasn't that surprised when Anna leaped up and threw her arms around his neck in thanks. She was a pretty excitable person. The kiss she pressed into his cheek before she rushed out of the canteen, on the other hand...

He sat still where he was for a moment, just processing. The other driver, Lars, took a seat beside him.

“So, you and Happy Feet, right?”

“Lars, no!” Kristoff hesitated, willing himself not to let his blush rise above the beard line. “I don't know. Maybe.”

Lars snorted with laughter. “Kristoff, you hopeless young idiot. It'll be Christmas eve on Monday. Invite her to the party. A little festive cheer, a little lutefisk, a lot of Oaken's akevitt...”

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, undeterred by Kristoff's stony silence. “She is the first new person I have seen you happily interact with since... I don't even know. You're at the damn South Pole, do you think you're holding out for someone better?”

“No! Anna's great, really great, she...” Kristoff caught himself. “Oh, I see you.”

“Because if there were someone better, sorry, but she wouldn't date you. You're reaching as it is.”

Kristoff got up, zipping his coat. “I'm leaving now.”

As he walked to the door Lars called after him. “Go, follow the beautiful penguin girl... Confess your true feelings...”

“See you around, Lars.”

Part IV: Julaften

“But he gave you chocolates?”

“Chocolate, Elsa. Chocolate. As in a candy bar. We had an argument...”

“And he didn't have flowers?”

“Hilarious. Kristoff's just a guy I know.”

“Who went out of his way to help get us back in contact. And gave you chocolate, and you spend all day with him. I'm just looking at the facts- he's basically your snow husband.”

“Stooop... A couple of dates and suddenly you're the love expert.”

“'Love' expert? Ha! A confession.”

“I could sign off right now...”

“Wait, Anna. Listen, listen, I'm being serious. You should see the way your eyes soften when you just say his name. Anna, this is me, of all people, telling you to take a chance... Why not just catch him under the mistletoe, see what happens?”

“Elsa, they don't do that in Norway. I think. We don't have mistletoe, anyway. Even if...”

Anna stared at the akevitt in the bottom of her glass, reflecting on her most recent Skype with Elsa. After the initial awkwardness of clearing up misunderstandings- it had turned out Elsa had sent about twenty panic texts and Anna had solemnly sworn to delete all of them unopened once they arrived- their conversation had turned with surprising ease to the warmer, more familial awkwardness of being interrogated about her love life. Not that she actually had a-

The door to the TV room opened, and Kristoff joined her in the hall, rosy cheeked with Christmas spirit and also probably from the rich, dark Christmas ale half-filling his cup. It was not to her taste, but by the rate it was disappearing it clearly suited some of their colleagues. “Not enjoying the film?”

"Three Wishes for Cinderella? They show it every year." Kristoff shrugged.

“Give me It's a Wonderful Life any day.” Anna sipped her drink. “Shall we go out and say hello to the doggie?”

Kristoff tried to frown, but it wasn't working. “It's a goat. A Yule Goat. They're meant to be made out of straw, but Gerda and Lars only had bits of crate to hammer together, which is why it's so...”

Anna grinned. “So... what?”

“So like a robot dog.” Kristoff sighed in surrender. “Sure, let's take a walk.”

A few minutes later, wrapped up warmly, they stood at the centre of the base trying hard to admire what Kristoff's colleagues had constructed. They would not be winning any art prizes.

“So, how's it a goat?”

Kristoff pointed up at some of the messier parts of the beast. “The bent-over parts are meant to be horns.”

“Really? Not ears?”

“Be nice. It would probably look more impressive at night.”

Anna rolled her eyes, giggling. “Sure, at night. Let's just wait a few months.”

Kristoff crossed his arms and pretended to sulk. “Yeah, yeah. Laugh at our ancient traditions. What do you do for Christmas?”

Anna grinned, stepping closer to him. “Give each other gifts...”

“Yeah, we already did that, and I'm out of chocolate.”

She looked up at his face, all bemused patience, eyes dancing. “Eat turkey...”

“Good luck with that. I'm not driving you to the nearest supermarket.”

“Where is that?”

“Cape Town. I hope you can swim.”

“Okay, okay,” Anna laughed, her gloved fingers trailing down the front of Kristoff's jacket. His brown eyes were as dark and heady as the ale he drank. “Well, there is mistletoe. You know how that works?”

“We have Hollywood. But if an American really wants to kiss someone why not just-”

“Yeah, why not?”

The kiss was brief- almost a collision- as Anna grabbed Kristoff's head in both hands and pulled him down, springing up on her toes to meet him halfway. Then she let go and staggered back a few feet.

Yep, she’d actually done that.

Kristoff was bright pink. “Anna...”

“You can't blame me!” Anna yelped. “I'm drunk and I have terrible impulse control!”

Kristoff burst out laughing, which Anna decided could either be good or really, really bad.

“Kristoff?”

That was when he kissed her back. Slow and loving and tender, and the alcohol in her veins could not compete with how that touch warmed her.

What was that bleeping?

Pulling away slightly, Kristoff pulled his phone out of his back pocket. His smile broadened.

“Midnight.”

Anna looked at the bright sunlight gleaming off the ear-horns of the Yule plank-monster. The sun was low over the mountains in the distance, gleaming off the ice flats... “Amazing.”

“Merry Christmas, Anna.”

[amayalunar]

Marry Me! Nyx Ulric x OC

Marry me - Nyx Ulric x Oc

____________________________________________________________________________

HERE IS THE NEXT SERIES!!!! WOOP! Well this was heavily influenced by the Hallmark Movie A December Bride, though it’s mostly this chapter as the rest is different!  Yup I watched a Christmas movie in the middle of summer… more like I am a sap for wedding movies XD.  However, this will get a NSFW portion to it at some point the whole thing will not be rated NSFW.  This is fluff, and emotion throughout.  I hope you like this one!

____________________________________________________________________________

Amaya and Nyx are best friends… but what happens when the hero's best friend is dumped by her fiance, and is forced to attend the wedding? Naturally Nyx was going to fix things, just sometimes he’s a bit too mouthy…

“What did you do?”

“Surprise! You’re getting married… to me.”

____________________________________________________________________________

Amaya walked down the crowded streets of Insomnia, her eyes looking through the windows of the ever busy city.  She was on the hunt, a hunt for a dress.  She slowed her pace down as she approached the heavier shopping district as she stopped in front of a window as before her was a beautiful white gown.  The gown was spectacular, the A-line ball gown with a beautiful sweetheart top, the sleeve all lace as the bodice was glittered in beads and crystals.  It was perfect.  

    She walked into the boutique as she circled the dress in the window admiring it as one of the sales consultants came up behind her.  “It’s a lovely dress, would you like to try it on?” Amaya looked back as smiled sweetly, a combination of sorrow and hurt behind that fake smile.  “It’s only a dream, I’m here for another reason.”

That was true, it should have been different.  She should have been wedding dress shopping, but she wasn’t… and it was all started the day her Fiance met her cousin.

__________

Amaya was with her Fiance Blake Rivers, at a celebration event for the opening of her family's new business line. The Lunar Luxury and Hotel line, they ran beautiful hotels across the plain, and each was different and had its own personality. Usually in the larger cities there are at least 3 to 5 Lunar Hotels, all of which are beautiful and different.  Her father runs the books with her brother, while Amaya is the designer.  Her elder brother ran the branch here in Insomnia, while her father stayed back home in Altissia.  

Amaya and Blake were conversing with those around them and more.  The two had been together for 2 years, and he was good to her.  Blake Rivers was a demon hunter turned Crowns Guard.  He had shoulder length blonde hair, and crystal clear blue eyes.  He was slightly tanned, well built and stood about 6’2, towering over Amaya’s small 5’4 frame.  Amaya contrasted her fiance.  She had hip length raven hair, pale yet fair skin that emphasizes she mythical emerald eyes. She was gifted with large breasts and thick thighs with a little cushion in the middle.  She was a beautiful woman.  

Nearby Amaya’s Aunt stood laughing with another man, Amaya’s best friend, Nyx Ulric of the Kingsglaive.  Amaya and Nyx met years ago, he had saved her from being mugged while she wandered the vast city.  Nyx and Amaya had a special bond, even front the time they first met, he was protective over her and flirty... and was a pain in her ass, but she still loved him… like a brother.  

Nyx didn’t take it well when another man, especially a Crowns Guard, took his spot as Amaya’s go to.  Blake and Nyx never got along, it was always one extra comment from the other and it was game on.  Nyx was always the one to be protective over Amaya, ever since they met those years ago, back when he was still new to the Glaive, and that hero title got him into everything a bit too deep, as did his mouth.

Blake had excused himself from Amaya for a moment while he went to grab some beverages.  Nyx popped over as he smiled at her, “enjoying yourself?” “You know it, you know how much I love these oh so quiet parties.” she laughed.  Nyx walked her over to a table where they stood together.  “Amaya!  Oh it’s been far too long!” a voice squealed coming into the room, Amaya turned to see her cousin Elise.  The two hugged tightly, Elise was like a sister to Amaya, Amaya being the younger of the two.  Elise was always the kind and beautiful one, she had gorgeous soft brown hair that hung into the middle of her back, though now it's tied up.  She held herself high and she was graceful and kind to everyone. She had soft striking blue eyes sparkled in the light.  She was fair, and beautiful.  Currently she wore a beautiful light pink dress to the event being held.  “Elise, what brings you here from Altissia?” Amaya questioned happy to see her once more.  “Well I finally opened that flower shop I’ve been trying to do, and I finally did it!” “Congratulations!”  “I was excited to know I was able to come and celebrate the opening of the new brach, your father has been working so hard on it, your brother too.” “Yeah I know, but they did it.”  “Oh, I’m so sorry I don’t think we’ve ever met.” Elise said looking to Nyx who was actually sitting there quietly for once, “Nyx Ulric,” he introduced, “Oh is this your Fiance?” Amaya’s brow shot up as she laughed as Nyx rolled his eyes, “Oh Gods no, Nyx is my best friend.  Blake is my Fiance, he should be back-” “Someone say my name?” The familiar blonde said as he purposely pushed past the Glaive as he set the glass down in front of Amaya as he looked up… and time stood still.  “Oh, hello.  I’m Elise, Elise Sterling. I’m Amaya’s cousin.” she introduced as she looked starstruck.  “Blake Rivers, I’m Amaya’s fiance.” Amaya looked between them, “Elise is here because she was celebrating the opening of her new floral shop.”  “Floral shop?” “Yup, specialize in everything from decorative flowers to herbs.  The Lilly are my personal favorites.” “ ?  Me too.” Blake said… Amaya’s blood ran cold, he never spoke of flowers to her before, but then again she could barely keep alive a cactus.  “Tell me more about your shop where is it located?”  Blake had left the table with Elise as Amaya inched closer to Nyx, “What just happened?” “To tell you the truth Princess, I’m not quite sure myself.” Nyx said as they watched the two walked away with bright smiles fully intrigued with whatever conversation they would be having.

That was 6 months ago

________     That was the funny thing about love, it can strike at any given moment.  That was the reason she was shopping, she was on the hunt for a dress for her cousin and Blake's wedding. The two hit it off so easily that day, and not even a week later Amaya was no longer engaged and had moved out… while Elise moved in.  

        Amaya went to look at some other dresses when she finally found a section of darker colored short dresses.  She sifted through them when her phone went off. Sighing she looked at the screen, but then lightly smiled.  The screen lit up with ‘Your Hero’ in the title as Nyx had also proceeded to make the photo an obnoxious selfie of himself.  “Hello Hero” she said lightly “Hello princess, you up to anything?” “Well welcome home, it’s been a while.  You finally off duty?” Amaya asked as she frowned looking through the dresses.  “Yeah, I’m heading out to meet with Crowe and Lib for some drinks you in?” “Not really.” she sighed.  Amaya’s tone turned to light sadness, Nyx knew that Blake was engaged to Elise now, but he brushed it off, what he didn’t know was the fact Amaya was invited to the wedding and was fully expected to show up.  “What’s wrong?” she was pulled out of her thoughts as his voice was less playful now.  “I’m shopping.” “Nope you’re coming out.” “Why?” “Because, I said so.  Where are you?” “I’m not going to tell you!” she whined over the phone, as he laughed. “You know I am more able to find you.” she sighed knowing he would regardless of anything. “I’ll meet you at my place, I’ll be there in a half house.” he hummed in acceptance over the phone. “Alright, see you there.” with that their conversation ended.

Amaya shifted though a couple more dresses just picking out a couple as she paid and left.  She was true to her word as it did take about a half hour to get to her beautiful apartment.  It was a high floor luxury piece, that many swooned over.  She was spoiled, Nyx always made sure to remind her of that as well.  Amaya dropped the dress bags over her sofa as she made her way over to her dining room table, there it sat, the invite.  She looked at it as her eyes lingered over the ‘regretfully no’ or ‘yes’ check boxes, the wedding was 2 weeks away and she still hadn’t sent it in.  She got the invite over a week ago.  This whole wedding seemed overly rushed, but that’s how Blake and Elise were, it’s get it done now or never.  

    Amaya heard a knock and then the door opened as Amaya turned around quickly as she put the invite behind her back as she smiled as Nyx had come inside, like usual.  He looked at her as she smiled lightly at him, her hands behind her back as she was trying to make it seem like she wasn’t hiding something.  “What, got a present for me?” he asked with a mischievous smirk on his face as he walked over to her as she shook her head.  “No, just something you don’t have to see.” “Oh ?  And what could this something be that you don’t want me to see huh?” he asked as he got closer than he quickly tried to reach around her as she laughed as she struggled to keep it away from him, until his fingers went to her waist as he started tickling her, which he knew was her weakness.  Her laugh echoes over the room until it stopped when he got his hands on the envelope as he turned around.  All he had to do was hold it up and she had no chance. “I win.” he stated as she sighed, giving up she sat in one of the dining tables as he looked at it.  Nyx looked at the invite, each word he read his eyes narrowed a bit more.  “You’re fucking kidding me right?” he asked as she had marked  ‘yes’ in the box.  “She’s family, all we have is family, I can’t let this get in the way of that Nyx.” He grunted as he set it back down on the table taking a chain and straddling it so he could look at her.  “Why didn’t you any anything?” he questioned as she turned away.  “I didn’t want the sympathy that comes with it.”  

    Nyx let out a sigh, he knew what she meant.  “If you’re going, who are you going with?” he asked her, she lightly peeked up at him as his brow raised.  “Oh, so you wanted to keep it a secret and drag me along anyways?” “It’s better than going with my brother.” he laughed, “if you come out tonight I will go with you to the wedding.” :Fine.” “Good, now let’s go!” He pulled her out the door, as she was already ready.  

    Nyx had brought her to the normal spot, Libertus and Crowe were at it again.  Pelna was trying to be a medium until he let out a relieved sigh seeing Nyx and Amaya come through.  Crowe instantly stopped whatever it was she was doing as she grabbed ahold of Amaya. “I wasn’t expecting you to come out, how did he bribe you out this time?” Amaya looked at her sheepishly, “he’s coming with me to my ex-fiance and cousins wedding.” “Wait what?” Libertus asked, Crowe silenced him with a look. “It’s alright, I okay now.  I can actually look at them again so I don’t think I’ll be crying or anything.” she said as Pelna got her a drink. “Thank you.” she whispered.  Nyx looked at her as he sat across the table from her.  This hurt, she never deserved that.  She never deserved to be hurt so badly by two of the most important people in her life.  

    Nyx had walked Amaya home as he leaned on the frame with a smirk. “So I’ll see you Saturday?” he asked as she nodded, it was too sad.  Today was Friday night, and it was and she actually wouldn’t see him until the following Saturday just from work.  She placed a kiss on his cheek.  “Thank you Nyx, you’ve always been my best friend.” she smiled, as he did too.  “Goodnight.”

    Nyx sighed as he walked out, ‘best friend’ yeah he hated those words, but it was his own damn fault.  

____________

The day before the wedding Amaya was with her brother in his office as she was sifting through some samples as she hummed lightly. Alexander Lunar, also known as Xander, he had pitch black short hair with stunning brown eyes.  He was tanned unlike his sister.  He usually wore a suit, clean cut, and no facial hair. He stood at about 6’1, so Amaya was the runt of the family.  

“So, you sure you don’t want to go with this guy?” he asked motioning to himself as she laughed.  “Xander I’m fine, and I have a date.  Plus even if I did it would look bad if I attend my ex-fiance’s wedding with my brother.” Xander returned the laugh, “Really? Who is it?” he asked as he got up placing some paperwork in the bin where his secretary would send them off.  “Nyx said he’d go with me.” “Ah, good ol’ Nyx. Don’t know how you can get him to do everything if you need it.”  “He’s my best friend Xander, he’d help me out in any way he can and I would do the same.” she said as she marked a sample she thought would work well in the new remodel of one of their rooms.    “I know, but I gotta go and take those measurements.” she said as she waved.  

Nyx finished shift, for once the captain was kind enough to actually let him leave early,  There was always hidden motive though somewhere behind the nice jester.  At home he cleaned up, redid his braids and put on the nicest piece of clothing he had, many actually didn’t know he had a suit but he did but he only wore it to events like this or places he with Amaya.  The suit was actually a gift from her father for a birthday he thinks.  However, after he was done grooming himself he heads to pick up his date.  

    Amaya had finished her hair and makeup, she was in her robe as Xander was there.  “What one doesn’t scream ‘poor unfortunate Amaya’?” she asked holding up two dresses, a short black one with long sleeved lace accents or a dark red one with black sleeves and a peekaboo.  Xander pointed to the black one, “That one screams what was Blake thinking?” “Perfect!” she laughed putting the red one down. “When’s the big Hero coming?” “He should be here any minute.” Amaya answered and as on cue there was a knock.  Xander went to answer as Amaya went to put on the dress.  

    When Amaya was done she walked out to Nyx and Xander laughing about something as she hoped her name was not in their conversation. Nyx looked up as his light slightly widened, his lips were slightly parted.  Xander smirked at the reaction as Amaya smiled.  “Well guess it’s time to go.” she said as both guys let her out first.  

    Amaya and Nyx walked into the church and sat beside her father and brother.  Mr. Maximum Lunar, head of the Lunar family and Lunar Luxury Hotels.  He was tall like her brother, however he had brown slick back hair, tanned skin, and brown eyes.  He work a normal tailored suit as he normally would.  Amaay reached over hugging her father as it has been a while since she had seen him.  He took Nyx’s hand, the Lunar boys always got along with Nyx.   

    The ceremony commenced Amaya watched with tension.  However, tried not to show it, she bit her bottom lip while Elise and Blake recited their vows.  “If anyone can show a just cause why these two should not be joined, speak now or forever hold your peace.” Amaya lightly looked around as a few peering eyes were glanced her way.  The unbearable moment was finally over.  “I pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride.” When the two kissed Amaya had to bite her bottom lip to make her mind not think about it, she tightened her hand a bit as she felt a warm one on hers as she glanced up looking at Nyx with a light smile.  

    As the guests started to head to the reception Amaya and Nyx walked by as they stopped, “it was a lovely ceremony.” Amaay said to them as they thanked her, “thank you, wait are you two together?” Nyx looked to Amaya as she looked to him, “Yeah,” he said as he slid his arm around her waist.  “Wow, about time.” Blake said as Nyx shot him a partial glare.  

    The reception was cute and small.  The bride and groom had their first dance together, they were a match made by the Astrals themselves, they had great chemistry and showed deep love for one another.  “You okay?” Xander asked as she leaned over, “I will be if you stop asking me that.” he stuck his tongue out.  Aunt Lilliana came up hugging Amaya.  “I’m so proud of you, and I’m so happy you came.” she said as Amaya smiled then looked at Nyx, “You two on a date?” “Uh yeah,” AMaya said she leaned in, “well done.” Amaya laughed along with Nyx this time.  

    Dinner was served after as Amaya sat with Nyx on her right, her dad on her left, Xander next to him and her Aunt on the other side of Nyx.  Amaya lightly picked at her food.  “What not eating strawberries?” Xander asked as he came in from behind picking the fruit of her plate.  “I’m not that hunger.” she said as she pulled her napkin up, “I think I need some air.” she said getting up as Max did too, “come on, dance with your dad.” he said as he took her hand bringing her to the floor.  Amaya placed her hand on his shoulder as she looked around and tried her best to hold in the tears. “ I really do need some air.” “OK Honey.” he said back as she walked away.  

    Outside she stood a little bit as another joined her.  She looked over at Nyx who she laid her head on.  “You got this.” he said as he rubbed her back.  “I know, but it still hurts.  I still think and ask myself what I’ve done wrong or what’s wrong with me?” he said heard her sniff.  “Nothing, you did nothing and there is nothing wrong with you.” he said as she looked up at him, “come on let's go back inside. You owe me a dance.” she laughed as she agreed.  

    Inside Max and Xander watched as Nyx dragged Amaya out to the floor, both watched on intrigued by the two. Nyx pulled her in as her face slightly dropped seeing Blake and Elise.  Nex leaned down, “hey, don’t let it get to you.  Pretend I said something really dumb or funny.” he whispered as she rolled her eyes and let out a laugh.  Blake slightly turned to look at them as Nyx spun her pulling her back to him as she laughed a bit more.  “COuld it be, are you actually having fun?” he jested as she smiled, “perhaps.” She stated.  Liliana came up, “oh I could watch you two dance all night!” “It’s all about finding the right partner.” Max said back, “My thoughts exactly.” Nyx said as Max nodded at him. Amaya pulled away from him as she excused herself once more.  He put his hand sup in surrender as he took a random piece of candy off of the dessert table.  

        “You two really are a couple.” Blake said coming up behind Nyx, much to Nyx’s disliking.  “Yeah, couldn’t be happier.” Nyx said back as Max and Xander started peeping in, and then in came Liliana and Elise. “Just a bit surprised, I didn’t even know you two were dating.” Blake said, “well I don’t really talk to you.  We didn’t feel the need to tell anyone it was just spur of the moment.” Nyx lied as he tried to keep up the charade without her there.  “Well it looks pretty serious.” Elise stated, “Oh it’s as serious as it gets. We are engaged.” Well those words just came out as he realized what he said when everyone looked at him in the strangest way.  Liliana gasped with Elise, as Xander looked at each other confused, and Blake looked him wide eyed.  “Oh this is wonderful news why didn’t you say anything before?” Max asked coming it, “We didn’t want to steal the thunder is all.” The DJ announced the cake cutting as the bride and groom left, “excuse me a second.” Nyx said as he made his way through to where Amaya went.  He caught her in the hallway as he pulled her aside.  

    Amaya looked at him with confusion.  “Nyx what’s wrong?” she asked as he looked around, “So… I kind of fucked up.” she gave him a look, “what did you do?” she asked as she heard her name over the speaker as she proceeded out of the hall. “No wait!” he tried to pull her back but missed as she walked away as Nyx hurried next to her.  “We just wanted a shout out to my beloved cousin on her engagement!” Amaya looked at Nyx who looked like he was holding his breath, “surprise, you’re getting married.” “To whom?” “To me.” She tried not to give a what the hell were you thinking look as she smiled at everyone, who was applauding,  putting her hand around him as he did the same.   

[thebarsondaily]

A Perfect Christmas

for @barsonaddict

Title: A Perfect Christmas Author: CUtopia (roseinutopia) Rating: T for some minor language Summary: Olivia and Rafael’s first Christmas as a couple, as a family, comes up and they’re looking forward to celebrating it quietly. Naturally, Lucia Barba has other plans for her grown family, and throws everything upside down. - Barson family, Barba family and the squad (with Mike Dodds because he isn’t dead!) A/N: A big thank you to thebarsondaily for betaing this fic. It definitely got out of hand, I promise I didn’t plan to write 8,7k words on this and submit last minute. Ugh.

Hey barsonaddict, surprise XD I hope you like your present, I had a hard time keeping quiet about it

Winter had been a little shy, but December brought a biting cold to New York City, and with it, the snow came, to Noah Porter Benson’s delight. Soft flakes floated from the low-hanging grey clouds endlessly, covering the city with a thick, white blanket inviting kids to play in the parks that had become a true winter wonderland, untouched havens in the middle of the concrete towers. Until the very last light of the day had faded, the gleeful laughter of snow-covered children would fill the air at the parks. Tiny, excited voices told the parents and babysitters about the snowmen they’d built when the adults had finally managed to coax the kids away from the fun with the promise of hot chocolate.

Usually, Rafael Barba would hurry past the park, maybe his phone pressed to his ear, his mind too occupied with work or the desire to get home and out of the cold to notice the children, or even the beautiful fairy lights that seemed to hang in every single tree. Unaware of how their warm light broke the cold, the darkness, he would have walked home, not even knowing that he’d missed a beautiful sight.

How times had changed.

Today, he was in the middle of the string of parents and children, holding Noah’s hand as his cousin Delfia and them lingered a moment longer to look at the lights, their cheeks pink from the cold. He was feeling more relaxed than ever, no restlessness coming over him as he stood still, admiring the lights before glancing down at the little boy next to him. Noah’s eyes were gleaming in wonder as the lights reflected in them, and he seemed to hold on to Rafael’s hand a little tighter, smiling. Fia had a smirk on her lips, even visible while a thick scarf covered most of her face to prevent her from getting a cold; he’d known her since the day she was born, he could just tell.

“What is it?” he asked dryly, and the younger woman shrugged, a light chuckle coming from behind the scarf.

“It’s just adorable how domestic you’re being, Rafi, that’s all. Suits you, really. You might just spend a Christmas without being a Grinch.”

“You were a Grinch, Rafa?” Noah asks in shock, almost losing his woolen hat – knitted by Lucia – when his head snapped up. “Why? Don’t you like Christmas?”

Fia leaned down to pull Noah’s hat back down over his ears while Rafael shot her a glare - the last he wanted was for the Christmas enthusiast Noah to think that he disliked the holiday.

“I do like Christmas, amigo. I really do. I was just… really lonely the last years, you know? Fia was dancing in Chicago and the evenings with Abuela were very quiet. So I wasn’t really looking forward to Christmas. When you’re lonely, you sometimes dislike things just because you have nobody to share moments with.”

Noah, ever the sensitive and smart boy, stopped to think about Rafael’s words for a moment, then smiled. “So you’re really the Grinch, Rafa! The Grinch only hated Christmas because he was lonely! Like you!” he exclaimed, obviously proud of his deduction, and Fia laughed lightly while Rafael frowned.

“Don’t worry, Rafa, now you’re not alone anymore!” Noah added, leaning against his leg. “You have Mama and me and Abuela and Fia! You’ll never be alone again!”

“Awww, stop being so adorable, pequeñajo!” Fia cooed, giving Rafael the time to gather himself - Noah’s words had hit him hard, though not in a bad way. The thought that he was being loved, that he had a family now, people that cared about him… and that Noah adored him, even though he’d been kind of awkward around him in the beginning… It made his heart feel heavy, because he didn’t know how he’d been able to live without this pure love the boy was giving him. Or without Olivia and her miraculous ability to make him feel like he was a better man than before they’d met.

“I’m happy about that, mijo,” Rafael said, more to himself than to Noah and Fia; Fia gave him a soft smile before taking Noah’s hands.

“Come on, boys, let’s go home. Your Mama will be home soon, and I got a bad feeling about having left your Abuela alone at your place.”

Confusion wrinkled Rafael’s forehead, and he sent her a questioning glance. “Why? She’s only cooking dinner.”

“I don’t know, call it what you want, I feel like it wasn’t a good idea,” Fia replied with a shrug as they started their short walk home, looking forward to getting out of the wet clothes. “She’s been weirdly silent about Christmas, and that just can’t be a good sign.”

“You haven’t been home for Christmas for a few years, Mamí really isn’t making a big deal out of it. A nice dinner, a few quiet hours together, done. You’re imagining things, seriously.”

Biting her bottom lip, Fia didn’t pursue the topic any further, though she still couldn’t shake off the feeling that Rafael was way too optimistic about his mother. Lucia Barba’s main trait was that she was unpredictable and could come up with ideas when you least expected it. But maybe Rafael was right, and she was worrying too much.

By coincidence, Olivia was just coming home when they arrived in front of her apartment building. Noah didn’t waste time to tell his mother about the giant snowman they’d built together – at least to Noah it had been giant, as it was taller than him, but neither Rafael nor Fia corrected his story. Olivia listened to her son with a soft smile on her lips, only taking her attention off him briefly to kiss Rafael.

A little later, in the elevator, she sent Fia a smirk. “Thank you for having an eye on them on your day off. Did they behave?”

Fia chuckled lightly as she pulled her scarf and hat off. “Noah was on his best behaviour, like always. Only Rafi checked his emails once or twice. I guess we won’t be able to get that out of him. But for a day off it was respectable, really!”

Rafael chose to ignore their teasing, concentrating on Noah who seemed to think that Rafael needed a refresher on Santa and everything about Christmas now that he was leaving his ‘Grinch-hood’ behind him. Chatting happily, the little group got off the elevator and Olivia unlocked the door for them, only to stop on the threshold and wonder if they’d gotten into the wrong place. She couldn’t remember her apartment looking like this when she’d left it this morning. Behind her, she could hear Fia cursing in Spanish and Rafael gasp, so shocked that he even failed to scold his cousin for having a foul mouth in front of Noah.

It was as if a shop for the most kitschy Christmas decorations had exploded, resulting in one of the most tasteless arrangements of overcompensating decorations that Liv had ever seen.

“Didn’t you say Lucia isn’t into Christmas that much, Rafi?” she hissed under her breath, turning her head to glare at her boyfriend, who was staring at the garish spectacle with wide eyes. The giant singing plastic angel next to their shoe rack had effectively rendered him speechless. Fia was blinking rapidly as if she hoped that the copious amounts of ornaments with photos of the family printed on them dangling from the false pine branches hanging over the doorways were just a weird hallucination.

Only Noah seemed less skeptic about all the glitter and kitsch and skipped through the hallway when Lucia stepped out of the kitchen with a satisfied grin. “Hey ninõ, did you have fun in the park today? I cooked us quesadillas!”

She hugged the little boy and pressed a kiss to his brown locks, smirking at the three adults still standing in the doorway, shocked and unmoving. “Now, what do you say about my decorations? I decided that after the last years without any we should make a little more effort. For Noah, you know?”

Olivia forced out a polite smile, still not having gotten used to opposing Lucia – she didn’t know how Fia and, sometimes, Rafael did it, she definitely wasn’t brave enough for that – while Rafael made a weird noise. Noah was too busy exploring the other rooms to really react, and so the only real opposition came from Fia. “Horrible.”

Lucia shot her niece a glare, a scene that had taken place between them so many times that nobody really paid attention anymore and neither of the protagonists really cared about it all.

“Now, come in, take your jackets off, dinner is ready,” Lucia ordered resolutely and turned back towards the kitchen, heavenly smells now reaching everyone’s nostrils, and everyone’s shock started to fade a little at the promise of her delicious food.

-

A little later, they were seated at the table, Olivia and Rafael chatting about workplace gossip while Noah tried to eat his weight in quesadillas. Fia was trying to ignore her aunt’s complaints about the little amount of food she was eating and felt relief rush through her when Lucia’s focus shifted abruptly.

“Now, I’m sure you’ve all noticed the decorations…” Fia bit her bottom lip so hard that she almost drew blood to keep herself from saying something- “… and I guess I should tell you the reason for them. I thought it would be nice for us to celebrate Christmas traditionally, as a family. It’s the first year we’re all together, and Liv, Rafi, it’s your first Christmas together, so we should make it special, yes?”

Fia frowned and Rafael could tell that she wished she had a show on Christmas Eve to avoid all the hustle and bustle they knew Lucia would definitely go for. Olivia kept her expression neutral, not really sure what to expect from such a decision – and it was a decision, Lucia definitely wouldn’t leave them a choice – and Noah had a big smile on his cheese-covered face. Having a full house probably sounded amazing to him, considering that he only knew how it was to spend Christmas alone with his mother and his expression killed the last bit of resistance. “As long as it’s not over the top,” Rafael said weakly, glancing at the huge advent calendar occupying the wall next to the dining table, and he knew that his words would go unheard. Lucia was already having a serious case of Christmas fever, and everyone at the table knew that they had no other choice than to play along. She was over the moon at the thought of a big family Christmas, and there Rafael and Olivia had thought that they were excited about their first holiday together.

It had been a long way to this point, to taking the leap, with many dates and long talks about what-ifs, fears and hopes slowly building the base of their new relationship.

Their eyes met, and Olivia shrugged subtly while giving him a soft smile, as if to say “Let her have her fun.” while Lucia talked about big dinners, rituals and who knew what.

“And then I remembered how much your squad is like your family and I thought maybe we could have a little Christmas party with your colleagues, Olivia. And Rafi, you could invite Rita and Carmen, of course.”

Olivia and Rafael both froze and Fia raised an eyebrow; tension suddenly built up inside the room, and Rafael sat a little straighter, clearing his throat slowly while obviously carefully calculating his next words. “You still remember that we haven’t told anyone but Rita yet, right?”

Lucia waved dismissively, rolling her eyes dramatically. “I don’t understand this hide and seek game. It’s ridiculous.”

“Lucia, Rafael and I agreed to take small steps for the sake of our careers-”

“Your bosses approved, you said, no?” Lucia interrupted her in an annoyed tone, and Rafael’s expression darkened. Of course Chief Dodds and the DA had been informed about their relationship right after they’d decided that they were ready to take the leap, and the two had indeed approved - though with a warning. They’d acknowledged that they’d known that this had been bound to happen, but if they let their personal life interfere with their jobs, they would have to bear the consequences.

And this very serious warning had led to Olivia and Rafael deciding to limit the number of people that knew about the change in their relationship for now until the biggest part of the transition was over. Of course Noah had known from the start, so had Lucy, and Rafael had told his mother and Fia about them because Lucia would have killed him if he hadn’t, and Fia was the person he’d genuinely wanted to share his new happiness with.

To their surprise, it had been easier to hide their love than they’d expected; the change in their relationship ultimately wasn’t as big as they’d anticipated, making them realise how close they’d already been the whole time. They refrained from more than their usual touches and private moments at work, and they found that they liked having their little secret, their new relationship safely resting in a small cocoon.

Well, once they’d slipped, though. Carmen had been away to get lunch, and Olivia and Rafael had used the opportunity to snog on the couch in his office, letting themselves be carried away by the moment. Of course Rita had walked in in that exact moment, cursing like a sailor about the scene before grumbling a “Finally" and marching out again.

Luckily, that remained the only revelation, and, surprisingly, the only close call, too. While they probably suspected something - they seemed to have since Barba had started to work with them regularly – Liv’s squad never got a confirmation about their theories.

And naturally, Lucia disapproved.

She didn’t understand - didn’t even try, which was so like her - why they would want to keep their happiness from the people they worked with every day and who they considered family. If they would let her, she would shout it from the rooftops that her son, the notoric bachelor and workaholic, had finally found his true love and that her niece, the notoric bachelorette and workaholic – Lucia suspected it ran in the family – would be next. Lucia wanted everyone to know, to make everyone jealous with beautiful family photos and big wedding invitations and “We’re having a baby" announcements because her friends had been showing just these to her for literal decades. Late revenge was better than no revenge - a Lucia-ism.

And this led to the phrase she’d hauled at Rafael and Olivia since even before the day they’d gotten together: “Stop the hiding!”

“Mamí…”

“Just imagine how sad and disappointed they would be if they realised you kept this good news from them even during the family holiday!” Lucia argued, though all the adults in the room knew that this was about her, Lucia, and no one else. Noah only knew he wanted another quesadilla, and with all the adults so conveniently distracted, no one could stop him from getting himself another to stuff himself.

“Tía, just leave them the fuck alone. It’s their choice, you can’t force them to change it just because you want to send out ugly forced Christmas cards,” Fia said, trying to support Olivia and Rafael, which of course caused Lucia to glare at her.

“Language, Delfia!”

“Seriously, Tía…”

“Your first Christmas back home, and you’re not bringing a man…”

“Mamí, enough!” Rafael grumbled, loud enough for Noah to look up in surprise, and this reaction finally stopped Lucia. The last thing she wanted was for Noah to witness his family fighting with each other.

“We’ll discuss this after Noah is in bed,” she said with a forced smile, sitting a little straighter and reaching out to ruffle Noah’s curls.

“There’s nothing to discuss,” Rafael stated firmly while Olivia touched his hand under the table, gently squeezing his fingers to calm him. The expression on Lucia’s face told him that she wouldn’t miss the opportunity to try and open this topic again, but for now she stopped, to everyone’s relief. Slowly, the tension left the room again, and Rafael saw Fia release a breath.

Luckily for everyone, Lucia had to leave early, called away by a friend who had an emergency, and before Fia left the three swore that they would keep their eyes open concerning Lucia and her determination to have the perfect Christmas.

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” Olivia said with an optimistic smile as Fia hugged them goodbye, and Fia and Rafael could only smile weakly, knowing that her hopes wouldn’t be fulfilled.

OoO

For a few days, it was surprisingly quiet.

Lucia didn’t text anyone of her family more than the average, only called once or twice to ask if she should pick Noah up from preschool, and didn’t mention Christmas apart from presents for Noah.

And that made Rafael horribly uneasy.

Maybe Fia had been right.

Olivia thought that he was being unreasonably paranoid, despite having learned by now that Rafael and Fia rarely exaggerated when it came to Lucia. Over the last days she’d subtly removed the most garish components of what had Lucia called decoration and thrown them into the trash with huge satisfaction, discovering hilarious things again and again. Yet she thought that maybe Lucia only had done this to make fun of them and that her actual Christmas plans were harmless.

The day Rafael could call her a sweet summer child and have her agree with him arrived quicker than anybody had anticipated.

A mere week after that dinner that had aroused the discussion about the secret of their relationship, Olivia and Rafael were sitting in Rafael’s office, going through trial preparations when Rafael’s phone suddenly started vibrating.

Once, twice.

Followed by that were so many vibrations that the device moved over the smooth surface of the coffee table towards the edge, and he hurried to grip it, cursing under his breath. While he unlocked his phone, the vibrations stopped with one last message popping up on the screen: Tell me what you think, mijo.

Rafael raised an eyebrow and opened the messenger, groaning when a dozen pictures started loading; Olivia leaned in to glance at the screen too when Rafael grumbled: “Mamí, what the fuck…”

The heap of pictures turned out to be screenshots of recipes, and with messages in between, Lucia had combined them to five course menus, one more complicated than the other. “Does she seriously plan to-,” Olivia started, her eyebrow now cocked too, but before she could finish the sentence her phone started vibrating violently as well, and another dozen messages flooded Rafael’s phone once more.

Mamí: Thought it would be more convenient to have us all in one group so everyone can see the suggestions and tell me what they think.

A few more pictures arrived in the newly created group “Christmas Dinner” that Lucia had added Rafael, Olivia and Fia to, and Rafael shot Olivia a glance. “You still convinced she won’t make a big deal out of this?”

Frowning, she shifted a little on the couch. “Well… maybe she’s just excited and it will go away soon?”

“You’re being naive again, Livy. She’s well past that point by now, unfortunately. We’ll have the most bourgeois Christmas she can think of.”

Mamí: Hey, I found these sweet Christmas tree decorations! They would be ideal for our tree!

Another half dozen of pictures flooded the group and Olivia made an undefinable noise as she hurried to mute the group.

Mamí: Have you looked at the menu suggestions already?

Mamí: Hello?

Mamí: Are you ignoring me?

Mamí: Rafael Felipe Barba! Delfia Ysabel Rodriguez! Stop that! Olivia!

Rafael almost growled at that and did the same as Olivia before texting: We’re working, Mamí!

“It’s a wonder I haven’t lost my mind yet, seriously.”

Mijo, are you sure you should be on the phone during work?

“Family,” he grumbled and put his phone down after turning off the vibration, just in case. “Sometimes I feel like she’s doing this on purpose because it seems so impossible for her not to be aware of her behaviour. But then I also don’t want to think that she would terrorise us like this knowingly.”

Shrugging, Olivia took her coffee cup from the table and sipped a few times. “Your mother is a… well… very special woman. But that’s her charm, isn’t it? Being a little eccentric, dramatic, temperamental and opinionated? I know two someones who are a little bit like her.”

A giggle broke out of her when Rafael gasped in playful shock, his palm coming up to rest on his chest while he cried: “Are you implying that I’m like my mother, Olivia?”

“It’s not my problem how you interpret my words, Rafi,” she replied with a wink, putting her coffee down and grabbing the file she’d been reading earlier. “Now, let’s get some work done. I got plans for you and me tonight, and I don’t want them to be ruined by work.”

Her suggestive smirk on her lips made Rafael sit up straighter and effectively wiped all thought of his mother from his mind.

Lucia’s Christmas stuff could wait – he had something way more important at his hands right now.

OoO

Of course Lucia didn’t take it well that nobody answered more than half-heartedly to her suggestions. Fia and Rafael had genuinely tried to express their opinions, but nothing had been carefully formulated enough to please Lucia, and so they’d chosen to simply stay silent, leaving dozens of recipes and miscellaneous Christmas ideas uncommented.

Of the repercussions they should have thought of, but neither did, and so it wasn’t surprising that Rafael wasn’t prepared at all.

But underestimating his mother wasn’t new to him, as she always managed to top herself.

-

His tongue stuck between his lips, Rafael scribbled down the last key points of the cross-examination he would have today. With Rita as his opponent, it was never easy, but he knew that he had all the evidence he needed to win this trial, so his nerves were calm. As long as he wasn’t interrupted during his preparations, everything was fine, and he would bring his top game…

Suddenly, the door to his office was ripped open, and with a dramatic whirl of her coat that almost seemed practiced, Lucia Barba marched into her son’s office. A flabbergasted Carmen was right at her heels, not happy about having been unable to fulfill her duty by keeping Rafael’s preparations uninterrupted. Knowing that it was impossible to talk his mother out of something, Rafael gave his assistant a nod to signal her that it was alright.

“Mamí, what can I do for you?” he asked with a heavy sigh, putting his pen down as the amazing closing sentence he’d just thought of slipped from his mind.

Lucia crossed her arms in front of her chest, shooting him an accusing glare. “As no one has responded to any of my suggestions yet, I thought I would drop by and tell you about another idea in person so I’ll finally get a response!”

“Mamí…”

Her raised index finger stopped him, and Rafael closed his mouth again. “Rafael, as this is our first Christmas with the family reunited, I would like us to go to a photographer and have a nice Christmas portrait shoot done. Imagine how nice it’ll be, pictures of Olivia, Noah and you. And Noah and Delfia! I’m sure she would like having these pictures, too! Oh, don’t make such a face, Rafael!”

“Is that really necessary? You know how much I hate these staged pictures,” Rafael asked with a sigh, inwardly shuddering at the thought of his mother forcing everyone into their best clothes to have them fake smile for awkward Christmas card photos. Only over his dead, rotting body. “Mamí, no.”

His desk couldn’t shield him from the evil glare that Lucia shot at him, and Rafael was unable to describe his relief as the door suddenly opened again.

“Rafael, we gonna be late for court. Oh, hey Lucia.”

Rita smirked as if she knew exactly that she’d just kept Lucia Barba from roasting her son, but being ridiculed by Rita was something Rafael would choose over his mother’s ranting any time. At least Rita didn’t try to force him to put on ugly Christmas sweaters.

Taking the opportunity, Rafael jumped from his chair and grabbed his notes, nodding maybe a little too enthusiastically. “Yes, court. We better hurry! See you, Mamí.”

While striding past her, Rafael pecked a kiss on Lucia’s cheek, almost convinced for a second that she would pull back.

“What did you do this time?” Rita asked, her smirk widening impossibly as they walked towards the elevators – of course, she would mention it.

“Mamí wants to have family pictures taken.”

To her credit, Rita seriously tried not to laugh, but only a few seconds later she was snorting, causing him to roll his eyes. “Seriously? With sweaters and smiles and kitschy decorations?”

Him pressing his lips together was answer enough, and she laughed even louder this time. “Gonna have to ask her to send me a few so I can tease you with them forever!”

“I’ll tell her, along with the fact that you’re planning to spend Christmas alone,” he shot back smoothly; Rita’s laughter stopped abruptly and for the second – third if you counted the gaze Noah threw him this morning when he burned his first pancake – time on this day Rafael found himself at the receiving end of a nasty glare.

“Marilyn is taking the girls skiing. That’s the only reason. And I won’t be alone; I got Giorgio.”

Rita held her head high during her stiff answer, trying to appear like it didn’t bother her; Rafael knew that once Christmas had arrived, she would feel less of that ‘lone wolf and proud of it’ attitude. “Also you do remember I’m technically Jewish, right? No Christmas here.”

“You’ve never celebrated Hanukkah once since we met.”

“Still,” she threw back weakly, then straightened herself. “Please don’t tell Lucia, Rafi. She would make my life hell.”

“Are you begging?” Rafael’s green eyes sparkled in amusement, and he couldn’t keep himself from teasing her a little. He knew she could take it. “It must have been at least ten years since you did that. Where’s my calendar?”

Of course she wasn’t finding it funny, but still the corners of her mouth twitched slightly while she mumbled: “Oh, shut the fuck up.”

“Don’t worry; I won’t talk. But I can’t promise she won’t find out on her own. She’s sneaky, you know that.”

Rita shrugged, not particularly impressed by that. “The worst that could happen would be to be roped into your family Christmas.”

“You realise you’ll have to wear an ugly sweater too?”

“Shoot me.”

OoO

For a few days, Lucia seemed to be moping about her son’s harsh dismissal of her family photo idea, as she didn’t send any texts at all. To Rafael, it was obvious that she was trying to make them feel guilty for denying her the full package of Christmas joy, but he was way too used to her ways to fall for it. So was Fia, and Noah, of course, was being excluded from the guilt-tripping, but it seemed to get to Olivia.

“Maybe we should do it. This one time, for her. I mean, she hasn’t had a real Christmas in… how long?” she said carefully when Rafael visited her in her office to talk about a case. And to steal some kisses, but her suggestion ruined the mood a little.

“Liv… no! You’re letting her get to you, and that’s exactly what she wants!”

He ran a hand over his face, shaking his head while standing up from the couch. Turning, he faced her and was just about to unpack his best pleading expression when something in the squad room caught his attention. The detectives present were all moving towards the conference table in the corner with interest.

“Your squad would tell you if there was a breakthrough in the case, right?”

Olivia shot him a confused glance, gazing over her shoulder and raising her eyebrow when their eyes met again. “Yeah… maybe someone’s showing off baby pictures,” she answered with a shrug.

A frown contorted his face, and then Fin stepped to the side – Rafael needed to blink several times to believe what he was seeing.

Lucia Barba was standing by the conference table with a big basket full of boxes, smiling and laughing as she greeted Liv’s coworkers.

“Oh no… oooh no! What is she doing here?”

The slightly hysterical undertone in his voice made Olivia turn around in confusion; a second later, her eyes widened too. “What the hell?”

“Finally we have the same opinion!” Rafael exclaimed as they both hurried out of Olivia’s office, needing a few moments to realise that they had to act as normally as possible despite the dangerously real horror of their relationship being exposed.

By the time they reached the group of detectives, Lucia had spread the boxes on the table and opened some, revealing half a dozen different kinds of Christmas cookies. Of course this lifted the mood in the squad room immediately – soul food was always welcome with cops, especially when it was a surprise. Noises of delight swallowed the sound of Rafael clearing his throat and gave him a moment to think of a strategy. “Mamí… hello! I thought you would come later, you should have called! But now that you’re here…here, this is Lieutenant Olivia Benson…”

Lucia rolled her eyes when he formally introduced his mother to Olivia and then the rest of the squad, but to his relief, she played along. “How nice to finally meet you. I must admit that I’ve been pestering my son for quite some time so he would give in! I hope you’ll enjoy my cookies.”

“Thank you very much, Ma’am, they’ll be greatly appreciated,” Mike said with a polite smile that made Lucia beam.

“Oh, it’s my pleasure, Michael, really! If you run out, don’t hesitate to tell me, and I’ll bake more!”

Fin made an approving noise while munching a chocolate cookie and Amanda grumbled something about having to go to the gym more often.

“Why don’t I show you my office?” Olivia asked with a smile, but Rafael could hear the dangerous tone in her voice, the one that made clear that the person it was directed at was in big trouble.

“Oh, but I just wanted to…”

“Come  on, Mamí. Lieutenant Benson is a busy woman, and you don’t want to steal her time, do you?” Rafael said, placing a hand on his mother’s back to guide her towards Olivia’s office with gentle force, all the while keeping up the smiles for the others. He knew he probably wasn’t able to deceive a room full of trained investigators, but for the moment, he was only interested in damage control. Also the cookies would hopefully keep them busy for some time.

The moment Liv had closed the door behind them, he lost most of his composure. “What the hell are you doing here, Mamí?!”

His voice was quivering with rage while he managed to keep the smile on his face – he probably was looking like a maniac.

“Well, isn’t that obvious? I’m bringing you and your colleagues Christmas cookies!” Lucia replied in the tone she usually used when she was trying to simplify an explanation about grown-up’s business for Noah.

“Yes, but why?! You know the squad doesn’t know about Olivia and me! They’ll never believe you’re here because you just wanted to get to know some people! Hell, we told you a thousand times that we’ll tell them about us when we think it’s the right time!”

“I just tried to make your day a little bit nicer, your jobs aren’t the easiest,” Lucia replied defiantly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “It hurts that you can’t appreciate that, Rafael.”

Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose to fight an oncoming headache and she was fighting hard to remain calm as she said: “You’re not dumb, Lucia, you know exactly how this could look to our colleagues. The ADA’s mother dropping off cookies out of nowhere? Fishy. You’re deliberately trying to expose us just because you think that we should stop hiding.”

The word “selfish” was hanging in the air heavily even though it hadn’t been said out loud yet, and the tension between the three would have made any third party in the room squirmy.

Eventually, to everyone’s surprise, Lucia stopped the glaring contest that had started and sighed heavily. “Fine. I won’t do that again. Everything at your pace.”

Rafael cocked an eyebrow in suspicion – he could count the occasions on which his mother had actually given in on one hand – but Olivia smiled at the other woman in relief. “Thank you, Lucia. Really, I appreciate that.”

“Promise it,” Rafael grumbled; and Lucia rolled her eyes about her son’s childishness.

“I promise. You happy now?”

“Yes,” was the short reply, though a glare was still directed at her, and Lucia decided to ignore it.

“Now, Olivia, your colleagues are very sympathetic. I’m looking forward to getting to know them more closely!”

Olivia glanced over her shoulder, smiling softly as she watched for a moment how everyone got themselves a coffee or tea and gathered around the table, tasting all the cookies that were laid out. Fin was obviously telling a joke, making everyone laugh, and Olivia felt warmth rise inside her.

“Yes, they’re amazing, aren’t they?” she said quietly, more to herself than to anyone else in the room.

“By the way… Michael… is he single?” Lucia asked with an interested face after a moment of silence, almost smirking, and Rafael audibly gasped while Olivia tried to suppress a chuckle.

“He is, but isn’t Mike a little too young for you?”

“Oh, I’m not asking for myself.”

Lucia’s smirk now broke out full force complete with mischief, making it obvious that a plan was forming in her head. Rafael managed to overcome his shock, though lacking his usual suave, as he blurted out hecticly: “He was engaged and she broke it off, so he probably is a shit person to be in a relationship with! Also Fia is going to kill you if you try and set her up again.”

A roll of her eyes and a dismissive wave followed, expressing Lucia’s lack of interest. “The girl is too sensitive sometimes.”

“No, she’s just tired of your…”

“Why don’t we meet tonight for dinner? After Noah is in bed, we can wrap his Christmas presents together,” Olivia interjected skillfully, and the mention of Noah effectively pushed Lucia into her Abuela-mode, making her forget about what Rafael had been about to say.

“Oh, that’s a wonderful idea. And then we can have a quick phone call with Delfia about our Christmas menu; you guys still haven’t decided! I need to plan! Oh, I better get going, I need to pick up one of Delfia’s presents.”

OoO

Olivia had to admit that after Lucia’s little stunt at the precinct, she’d finally lost her trust in the elder lady’s good intentions. Lucia Barba was on a mission, the mission to organise the perfect family Christmas, and nothing would stop her. Rafael had only muttered a “Told you" while Fia had shrugged and said that it must have been nice to have that illusion.

Only after another serious conversation with Lucia – and some barely concealed threats – had she been able to trust that Lucia wouldn’t show up at the precinct again. It was almost a miracle that the squad hadn’t caught on to what was going on that day – or Olivia was unable to see that her detectives were lying. But then Carisi was unable not to freak out in joy when something like this happened, a trait that had developed as his consummation of trashy reality TV had risen. Olivia guessed that they were safe for another few weeks if Lucia didn’t reinforce her idea of a big Christmas party. And as it looked like they had that under control, she allowed herself to relax.

Nothing could wrong now.

At least that was what she was thinking to herself as she ate a cookie and continued to type out a report for Chief Dodds, knowing he would have her head if she didn’t get it finished before the holidays.

A second later, that dream castle already collapsed again.

First, she only heard a “Can I help you, Ma’am?” from Dodds, which didn’t really get her attention, but then a familiar voice exclaimed: “Liv, I’m going to kill her!”

Only a moment later, Fia stormed into Olivia’s office with Noah, whom she’d obviously just picked up from preschool. “Liv, we need to get rid of her or Christmas will be hell!”

Olivia’s stomach sank and she sighed, standing up and rounding her desk to give her son a kiss. “Hey baby, why don’t you go say hello to Amanda and the others, hm? Fia and I have to talk. Maybe Jesse has time for a playdate soon?”

The mention of his best friend wiped the confused expression off the little boy’s face and he nodded, skipping out of her office after giving his Mama a sloppy kiss.

Amanda and Carisi had been lingering dangerously close to the office door, but now that Noah came towards them, they were unable to hold their position. With a short, satisfied grin Olivia shut the office door and turned to Fia – surely she would manage to find a good explanation for this, too.

“What happened, Fia?” she asked calmly while the younger woman paced the office like a caged lion. Her temperament was barely controllable sometimes and Liv knew better than to ask the young woman to calm down.

“Lucia!”

“I could tell so much. What did she do this time?”

Fia ran her fingers through her dark curls with an annoyed noise, needing a few deep breaths before she managed to answer. “She showed up at work and started telling me about how lovely she would find it if I brought someone home for Christmas and if I want her to help me find someone!”

Olivia blinked  a few times, confused by Fia’s story. “But doesn’t she do that every time you see each other?”

“Yes. But have you read the Ledger yet today?! She entered an ad on the dating page in my name! ‘Beautiful ballet dancer searching for a merry man to take home for Christmas’! I’m going to kill her if someone answers that fucking ad! I guess I can be glad she didn’t give out my phone number!”

Of all the things Olivia had thought of that could have happened that made Fia so furious, this was the one she’d expected least. Lucia obviously was capable of a lot of things, but until now she hadn’t thought she would seriously try to meddle around in her niece’s life like this.

“She doesn’t respect me, or how I want to live my life! When I told her I wouldn’t react if someone answered the ad she started getting all whiny! And then she asked if I would ever give her grandchildren, and that maybe I should stop being so selfish all the time.”

“I’m so sorry, Fia… I honestly don’t know what to say to this. Or how to get her to stop this. But I’ll support you if you want to do something about this.”

Fia released a breath in frustration, shaking her head in resignation. “I don’t know what to do, that’s the problem. I’ve tried everything already, but nothing works. Not even in Chicago was I safe from her. Maybe I should just do what she wants, date someone so I’ll have my peace.”

“You know that that wouldn’t make you happy,” Olivia said gently, touching Fia’s shoulder encouragingly. “If you want to date someone then do it, but don’t force yourself into something. You and I both know that that wouldn’t satisfy her for long. Rafael and I probably are a few weeks away from being asked about when our wedding takes place. It never stops.”

-

Mike watched with a smile as Noah inspected his golden Sergeant badge, eyes wide in awe. “You like it, Noah?”

“Yes! I wanna be a cop, like Mama,” Noah replied proudly, beaming up at Mike while Amanda came over with a box of Lucia’s cookies.

“Tell me, Noah, isn’t Lucy your babysitter anymore?” she asked curiously, dying to hear who that young woman in Olivia’s office was. She seemed vaguely familiar, but Amanda was unable to put her finger on it.

Noah took a cookie with his free hand, frowning in confusion. “Lucy still is my nanny, but she has school today! Why?”

“Oh, I’m just surprised, buddy. Who’s your friend over there?”

Mike sat up a little straighter as his gaze wandered over to Liv’s office and he had to admit to himself that he was just as curious about that. Though more because he found the woman fascinating, from the moment she’d entered the squad room and he’d noticed her mesmerising beauty. She was gesturing sharply, her dark eyes sparkling with passion and untamable temperament and fire and he had to watch out so he wouldn’t stare at her.

It was Amanda’s undeniable advantage that children were the biggest security leak that could possibly exist and that Noah, of course, didn’t know about his parent’s wish to keep the secret of their relationship. Even if they would have told him about it, he probably wouldn’t have understood anyway.

“Fia is Papí’s cousin! But she’s not a Baba like Papí and Abuela,” he replied enthusiastically, his smile full of love and adoration, proof of how much he liked his new family.

For a moment, it was completely silent in the squadroom and everyone was staring at Noah in shock, the boy obliviously nibbling his cookie. He didn’t know what kind of bomb he’d just dropped, and the squad had of course always suspected that something was going on between their Lieutenant and the ADA. Yet they hadn’t expected that they’d be blind to it actually happening right in front of their eyes for a time frame long enough to get Noah used to Barba enough to make him call the man Papí.

Fin was the first to find his voice again, shaking his head in something that could be disbelief. “Those sneaky little…”

Amanda shot him a glare, and he managed to swallow the curse word just in time. Carisi looked like he would start squealing any moment while Mike was staring over at the office with a mix of shock and disbelief. Amanda seized the opportunity and took another cookie from the box, holding it towards Noah.

“So, do you like Papí? I mean, is he a good Papí? Since when is he your Papí?”

Noah happily took the cookie and paused to think about Amanda’s questions for a moment. “He’s my Papí since we went for ice cream without Mama when it was still warm. And Mama left with him after bedtime to eat since summer. He’s the best! We laugh, and we play pirates or cops, and he makes me pancakes and reads my stories with voices.”

“Thank you, Noah, it’s nice to always tell the truth. Here, have another cookie. Is Mama happy?”

Amanda almost started swooning at the way Noah’s smile widened impossibly and he nodded heftily. “Papí makes Mama happy again when she’s sad.”

“That’s all I needed to hear,” Fin said with a grin, then he pulled a piece of paper from a drawer of his desk. “Now, let’s have a look at the betting pool. Dodds, looks like you made the best guess, man! Together with Calhoun. That’s a hundred bucks for each of you, congrats. Dodds… you listening?”

Mike blinked a few times, tearing his gaze away from Fia, and Fin smirked teasingly. “You can take the lady in there for a fancy dinner with the money.”

With pink cheeks, Mike shook his head, mumbling something about her being Barba’s cousin and him not being interested anyway before turning his attention back to Noah, though Fin noted with satisfaction that his eyes flickered to Fia from time to time.

-

For a long moment, it was silent between the two women, then Fia sighed and whispered: “I guess you’re right. I’ll just keep my head up and try not to let her shit get to me.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Olivia agreed, her gaze wandering over to the squad room. A bad feeling started to spread inside her gut when she saw how smug Amanda looked, kneeling next to Noah with a box of cookies. She just knew that something was going on, something that she wouldn’t like, and Fia must have noticed because she turned and stared out into the squad room, too. However, her focus was more on the young Sergeant who let Noah play with his badge rather than on the faces of everyone. Cocking her head, she allowed herself to study him for a moment, taking in his handsome features, his trained physique accentuated by his suit and his hands – strong but probably gentle or sensual, too…

Ripping herself out of her little fantasy, Fia shook her head, glad that Olivia hadn’t noticed her staring, and now she, too, realised that Noah was being stuffed with cookies while the detectives around him looked a little too interested.

“Oh no,” she mumbled, more to herself than Liv, before her voices got a little stronger. “Feed him cookies and he sings. Oh no, Liv… I’m so sorry… maybe… maybe it’s not too late yet…”

Olivia started moving at that, leaving her office with Fia right at her heels, and everyone’s attention turned towards the two women. Mike appeared as if he tried to refrain from any kind of judgement, Amanda and Carisi were smirking like Cheshire Cats and Fin wore an ‘I can’t believe you told me, we’re like siblings’ expression.

“Congratulations, Liv. We’re happy for you guys, seriously, we’ve been waiting for that. Here Noah, sweetie, have another cookie.”

Everyone chuckled at that, only Noah unaware that he was part of the joke, and Olivia stared at them for a long moment. She wanted to be angry that they’d bribed her son, but she knew it wouldn’t have happened if they’d just been open from the beginning.

This definitely wasn’t how she’d imagined the revelation of their relationship to be, so completely not under their conditions, out of nowhere…

But now it was too late anyway; she couldn’t change anything now.

Liv’s gaze wandered through the room, over the smirks of her friends and colleagues, and with resignation in her voice, she said: “I’ll text Lucia that she gets her squad Christmas party.”

OoO

Cheerful Christmas music was playing in the background, mingling with the laughter of the detectives crowding the squad room, sipping non-alcoholic punch and stuffing themselves with the mountains of food that Lucia had cooked. Hands on her hips, Lucia watched the scene in satisfaction just as Carisi walked past her with his third helping from the buffet.

“Your food is incredible, Mrs Barba,” he complimented her, and Lucia’s smile widened further.

“Well thank you, Dominick.”

Having everyone eat gave her the triumphant feeling typical for a Cuban mother. Reassured that everyone would be sated in the end, she let her gaze wander again. Jesse and Noah were sitting in a little play corner with Fin’s grandson Robin, discussing Santa and how he could fit all the presents on the sleigh over a game of Memory.

Olivia and Rafael were standing a little away from their colleagues, an air of contentment surrounding them as they kept exchanging smiles and subtle touches, obviously still a bit overwhelmed by not having to hide anymore. When Olivia had confessed to Rafael that Fia and especially Noah had revealed their relationship, he hadn’t been exactly happy, but he couldn’t really be angry with either of them – especially when he heard that it had been Lucia’s fault to some extent. For a few days, he’d been busy expressing his disagreement to the whole situation, and Olivia had joined him; yet they didn’t seem uncomfortable about public affection in general and Lucia chuckled to herself – they’d been unreasonably afraid. The colleagues hadn’t acted like it was a big deal, their bosses were still approving…

Everything was fine, wasn’t it?

“I can’t believe you cheated on us in that betting pool, Calhoun,” Fin grumbled to Rita as Lucia walked past them on her little tour through the room. “You could only win. I thought you’re more into challenges.”

Rita smirked into her glass, shrugging. “I simply had more information. That’s not cheating, seriously.”

Rolling his eyes, Fin looked like he was annoyed with her argument, but Lucia only needed one glance to know that he wasn’t. She would definitely have to keep a closer eye on these two – Rita had been alone way too long for her taste, and she was determined to change that. Such an unlikely combination, but Lucia was no fan of the ordinary, and she liked a challenge.

Continuing her round, Lucia frowned when she spotted her niece standing in a corner on her own, sipping a glass of punch that Lucia just knew the girl had spiked while nobody had paid attention to her. Rebellious and cheeky like her late mother, Delfia certainly had caused many headaches, but Lucia couldn’t be angry with her for long. Well, except for her lack of interest in settling down with a nice young man and starting a family. Delfia certainly wouldn’t have trouble finding someone if she weren’t so proud and overly focused on her dancing career all the time.

Thinking of a nice young man…

Lucia smirked triumphantly when she glanced over to where Mike Dodds was standing with Amanda, the Detective talking with him in a hushed voice; Lucia had no trouble analysing him and the slightly nervous expression he had on his handsome face as his gaze flickered over to Fia again and again. Obviously, Amanda was trying to encourage him to go over to her to talk, and Lucia sighed about the young people. They were making everything way too complicated and moved so cautiously they needed ages to reach their goal. Back in her days, boldness had been a thing – if you wanted to ask someone out, you just did it!

She was just about to go over to them and introduce Mike to Fia to get them to talk when Mike finally started moving, crossing the room while nervously fidgeting with his glass. Lucia couldn’t deny that she was holding her breath as he approached Fia, but when she saw Fia’s posture change at seeing the man’s smile she knew that she’d won. Oh, they would be a beautiful couple, and their children… the wedding pictures… She was swooning at the thought, and she could barely wait to see Delfia admitting that Mike was a guapo she found interesting. Maybe she would bring him to the little Christmas brunch she was planning…

Everything was going the way she’d wanted it to, all her plans worked out, and she couldn’t help but feel smug. How much they’d struggled and protested, but in the end, they’d all given in, just like she’d known they would.

And finally, she would get the perfect Christmas she’d been longing for, with all the people she loved gathered together.

THE END

[fourteenacross]

2017 Fic Year in Review

2017 in fic! I still have to get used to this looking so different to how it looked from like, 2007 to 2015. I also did a lot of like...weird not!quite!fic things? Which I’m counting in my word count, just because I did put thought into them? But I’m not sure if I should? I don’t know. Anyway, I’ve had two glasses of champagne and a glass of red wine, so WHATEVER. Hamilton: Ghosthunters full-length fic Birthday Shots (2069) Commercialism, Merit Badges, and Liquid Courage (8179) Communicable (24382) Well Deserved Recognition (3738) Truth or Dare, Jungle Juice, and a Linen Closet (8532) Q&A Saturday - June 6, 2015 (1120) everyone must breathe until their dying breath (116,690*)

Ghosthunters ficlets: Mattie and Alex texting (1708) John and Francis at boarding school (794) Washington after the air grows cold around me and you (423) August 14 (573) Molly and the haunted chair (1159) Laf's sad Christmas (1656) John on the phone with his dad (1543) John's PoV on Alex's birthday body shots (1606) Alex and John's tattoo (2326) John at the beginning of but i won't go far away (1032) John draws Alex (1888) John is reckless (2036) John explains his tattoo (1307) John and Alex eat poptarts in bed (1924) Jo and Mattie, Jo realizes she's in love (715) John's birthday and turtles (1275)

Ghosthunters apocrypha: John's in the hospital (840) The Schuyler-Hamilton-Laurenses get a dog (332) July 12 (1634) August 27 (1535) November 24 (4020)

Three sentence ficlets: Herc and breakfast (129) Angelica leaving for London (canon fic) (133) John falling in love (102) Alex and art (119) Ghosthunters + tetanus shots (161) Eliza, first day of summer (113) Laf meeting George and Martha for the first time (180) John, first kiss with a boy (165) Burr, drunk and alone (172) John and Francis, getting together (164)

Ghosthunters Not!Fic: John and Mattie, fake dating (2563)

Non-Ghosthunters Hamilton fic: John and Alex share a bed on a roadtrip (2396) Supplemental not!fic to the above (2497) Alex and John on the dance floor with a surprise slow song (2038) Alex and John, almost drowning (3076) Supplement to the above (2335)

Not!Fic: John and his ghost boyfriend (4555) John and Alex, "summer in the city" roommates for a summer internship AU (1491) John and Alex, "may we meet again" teen besties meet again as adults and fall in love AU (2347) Hamilton noir AU, "we get the job done" (1522) Alex and John, "the world turned upside down" BFFs -> lovers AU (6161) Fem4Ham, "helpless" soulmate AU (6613)

Gravity Falls: Mabel, first crush on a girl (118)

Great Comet Not!Fic: Sonya, No One is Alone (756)

MCU: Sam and Steve and trick-or-treaters (467)

Grand Total Fandoms: 4 Total Full Length Fic: 7 Total Ficlets: 46 Grand Total Stories: 53 Grand Total Word Count: 235,409* 

* I'm including all the words of the ghosthunters summer story that I’ve written so far, even the ones that haven’t been posted.

Overall Thoughts: Man, this list looks so long, but it’s still so far off the mark that I had intended to hit.

This was a hard year, creatively. It was for everyone, I think, but after having a really great upswing in 2016 when my meds had leveled out, it felt particularly dire to me, even though I knew I wasn’t alone. It’s hard to absorb that sometimes, you know?

I’m disappointed I didn’t finish this summer story before the end of the year. I was making very good time this summer and cranked out like 60k words on a really good schedule. I took a break for DragonCon and the associated scrambling and packing, and then never got back on the horse. It’s one of those things where I can’t tell if it was self-discipline or brain stuff or exhaustion, but I’m mad at myself all the same, cause I’m like that. I’ve still got another 30k to write and I’m going to try to get back on a schedule and stick to it to push out these last couple scenes, but I still keep kicking myself about the whole thing.

A lot of it comes back to something I was talking about in last year’s round up, which is not having, essentially, @pearlo in this fandom. I spent like, five years sending Erica a constant stream of fic ideas and dialogue snippets and talking out every fic idea and texting her in the middle of the night with AUs and all sorts of other shit and it’s a hard transition to not having that built in. It was how I worked out a lot of issues and also expressed a lot of joy. It feels a little like screaming into a void on here, at times, and while you’re all lovely and I appreciate all your encouragement and feedback, talking about your own work all the time occasionally makes one feel like an egomaniac. So...that’s a thing.

On to more positive things! I really liked doing those sort of not!fic things--it got some of my creative juices flowing when I was blocked on ghosthunters and scratched the itch of starting a zillion stories that I had great ideas for but no time to actually follow to the finish line. Doing ficlet memes and stuff, too, felt really good, taking requests and such. Holding in-person writing dates was super helpful, and having @lisapizza around to occasionally badger into hanging out with me so I could talk about this shit.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? I definitely expected to finish more, but numberwise and contentwise. I probably shouldn’t be surprised that I got much less done than I intended, given how weird the whole year has been, but I’m still kind of bummed. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Hmmmmm....I don’t know that there’s anything that I wouldn’t have predicted? Everything is pretty on par with what I’ve been doing for the past couple years? What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? I loved a lot of the stories I wrote this year, because I'm super obsessed with myself. [[< -- I think I've kept that sentence in for the past few years because it remains true]] It’s hard to name anything other than everyone must breathe until their dying breath. I’ve been working on it for two years, on and off, and it was one of the first bits of character building I did as I started to create the verse. There are a lot of wonderful little character moments in it and a lot of parts I really just genuinely enjoyed writing.

Communicable was also something I was working on for a while, and there are so many lovely quiet moments. @the-everqueen actually pulled out my favorite bit of that story for commentary--that whole night they spend together at the Washingtons’ and John’s conversation with Martha the next morning were a joy to write.

Outside of the ghosthunters, the #fem4ham soulmate AU has eaten my brain and soul, and the ficlet about John and Alex sharing a bed really made me wish I had a million extra hours in the day to write about that universe’s John and his struggles. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Not any huge ones? I think my biggest “risk” is the same mistake I make over and over again--feeling pressured to give people an ETA on the next story and then....totally missing that deadline. I’ve gotta stop doing that, for serious. My best story of this year: Definitely everyone must breathe until their dying breath. There are a LOT of moving parts on that thing that are still only slowly unfurling. I wish I had finished the whole thing in 2017 /o\ My most popular story of this year: Okay, see, chaptered stories totally throw off AO3 stats. Hit counts, kudos count, comment count...all of that is inflated by repeatedly pushing those fics to the top of the tags and having people come back for each chapter and all of that. Also, timing? The stuff that was up in January obviously has more hits than the stuff that only just came up in December. 

That being said, I think everyone must breathe is probably my most popular fic, but who really knows? Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I wouldn’t say any of the full-length fics are under-appreciated, but I’m so obsessed with the #fem4ham that I sometimes forget that it has less than thirty notes and no one but @lisapizza (and @charmingpplincardigans, based on her comments today at brunch) really cared about it when I posted it XD

Most fun story to write: I wrote Birthday Shots in one sitting and it was the kind of doofy, dialogue-based stuff that’s always pretty fun to play around with. I also liked the ghosthunters apocrypha with John being loopy on anesthesia, which I wrote entirely on the plane to Heroes. John’s ghost boyfriend not!fic was also the first of those that I did and it was pretty fun! Story with the single sexiest moment: Deffo the sex in the woods in VII of everyone must breathe until their dying breath. Story with the single sweetest moment: Hm. There’s a lot of sweet, that’s kind of my whole deal. I think maybe the first house-sitting scene or the train ride after seeing Ned in everyone must breathe until their dying breath. Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: Nothing really. Nothing cracky for me this year. Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: The sharing a bed story and its backstory supplement were probably the things that had characterizations most different from the ghosthunters. It was a very different world to pick apart as I was thinking those through. Hardest story to write: Seeing as how I’m STILL WRITING everyone must breathe until their dying breath it is DEFINITELY THAT ONE  Biggest Disappointment: Just that I didn't finish more, I think. Biggest Surprise: That dumb bedsharing ficlet has over a hundred notes on tumblr. What the hell. I mean, I’m glad, but also surprised! Otherwise, I’m honestly just surprised you guys have stuck with me this long and been so incredibly patient 💜 Most Unintentionally Telling Story: Everything with Molly in everyone must breathe until their dying breath, for reasons that I’m foolishly hoping end up being moot, but realistically suspect are not going to come to fruition.  Plans for the next year: Goals for 2018! 300,000 words! Getting through two more anchor stories! Writing a non-ghosthunters Ham!fic! Work on my dumb novel! Maybe try some nonfiction stuff! I don’t know, just try to be more flexible and kinder to myself, but also get things done? God, who knows, the world is on fire.