#i mean mentally im alot better so thats good

[vilelittlecritter]

Off, the game of all time

Sorry arts so slow I'm STILL hella busy

[stupidrant]

im seeing the pattern of being an atreus/angrboda fan (or u just like them) and having to go through this weird initiation process of: liking them in the game (wether its themselves, their relationship or both), then trying to find content of them only to be shocked to see a bunch of haters (on both sides but angrboda gets it the worst and thrud is often times oddly used against her), only to then get severely disappointed and realize u probably have to do a bit of contribution yourself which isnt bad but it sucks when its characters that are ridiculously hated 😭😭😭

[ganondoodle]

since seeing a post from a mutual yesterday i was thinking about how grateful i am that i can now, confidently say something like -im taking demise away from nintendo- or -hes MY character now- while knowing that the people following me will understand that thats not actually possible and also i dont mean that literally literally (duh)

bc (while i have mentioned it in the past and im not trying to fish for sympathy with this, the memories ... and trauma really does come back every now and then) there were people once that imagined i said that about a popular character in the fandom i was in when i was a teen and proceeded to try (and nearly succeeding bc i was already struggeling alot with depression, anxiety and undiagnosed autism) to bully me into killing myself; perhaps it wasnt their actual goal, but the shit they did (alot of them were adults too), was absolutely insane, but i've only been able to see that wayyyy after the fact

like even if im remembering wrong and i did word it wrong or weird or in a way that was easily misunderstood, i was a teen, with english not as my first language and it still was some fandom shit that ultimately did not matter and never in any scenario warrented that level of harrassment, i dont even think i ever told my parents bc i thought i had to deal with it alone since i 'caused' it too and since then just ... wanting to forget it ever happened

while i am much, much better now, and slowly learning to manage my mental health struggles too, i do wonder just .. how much of how i am today was shaped by that horrible experience, like the way i overly try to pre-apologize and put doubts on every thought i write out, or the panic i feel when something does go outside my usual range (mostly twitter really ..) was immensely worsened by that .. among stuff i probably dont even realize

funnily enough, i made my account on tumblr to try and flee from all that was happening to me (even if they did stalk me at first .. even here) and hey, im still here :D

i guess what im trying to say is, i am very happy to still be here, i am grateful to be able to be myself, even with its downsides, even with my problems, even if the things i do are passable at best, even if i will never "make it big", even if i am annoying at times, even if i do mistakes still, even if i am .... horribly bad at replying to the awesome people that message me-

there are, at least a few people, who enjoy, or even care, or heck, even think about what i draw and write, which is .. still mind boggling to me and i might never be able to truly believe its all real, there are people who are able to see beyond my flaws, forgive me if i do missstep or overreact, and just be aware that even with everything i share about me, there is lots you dont know that may inform why i feel a certain way about something, but thats okay, i am human, i am here, there are people who enjoy my brainworms, and perhaps even think i, as a person, am nice

i am so grateful for that

some things are good

[jaiistg]

Reader as "im insecure" and Azul ashengrotto as "if you cant love you insecurities then I will."

"When I see your face,theres none of a thing that I would change cause girl your amazing.Just the way you are."

-An very important note,pls read.

Hi! So this is related to what happened to me yesterday.Im already insecure of myself and my guy classmate told me negative things and made me hate myself even more.I know that alot of people are going tru this which is why I made this post.I want to make people feel good and I just wanna say looks don't define who you are.You are beautiful/handsome and perfect just the way you are and whenever someone tells you negative things about yourself thats a lie.They are probably jealous of you which is why they wanna make you feel insecure of youself,plus who are they to say that? They aren't even perfect.Noone is.I hope this post makes you feel better.make sure to drink water and love yourself<33 I love you soo much and Im proud of you.

•Azul is really confused on why your insecure of yourself I mean,your literally perfect to his eyes.

•If only you could see how you look like in his eyes...<33

•Whenever he sees your face he falls all over again for you.

•Since he knows your insecure he tells you everyday how pretty you are, ect so that you can gain self confidence<33

•He will ATTACK people who bodyshames or faceshames you.He dosent understand why people do that,like are they happy that they made someone insecure???? They are proud of doing that shit???

•Trust me,he knows how hard it is being insecure of themselves.He himself experienced it but now its just in the past.A very bad past that is still stuck to his head.

•He dosent want you to feel the way he felt when he was a child which is why he made a promise to himself that HE WILL PROTECT YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

•You tried breaking up with him because you thought that he deserved better,it went likee this.

"Why did you wanna see me?" Azul asked

"Listen,I wanna break up with you."

"W-what why? D-did I do anything wrong? Please tell me,!! We can do better!!"

"No.Its not your fault."

"then why....?"

"You deserve better than me.I don't even know what you saw in me that made you like me.Im sorry if Im an overthinker,im not even pretty enough to be your girlfriend.Which is why im letting you go.You deserve to be with someone much better then me,im really sorry but im doing this for you.Your better off without someone like me."

"No,Y/n,Im not letting you break up with me.I don't ever wanna be with anyone but you,fuck I can't even imagine being with someone else! Your perfect to me.Im grateful to have a girlfriend like you and anyone else would be.I love every single thing about you.Theres no single flaw I see everytime I see you."

•You had a mental breakdown because someone said negative stuff's about you and god,Azul couldn't take it anymore,he had a talked with the guy.

"You have no right to tell Y/n that,are you perfect huh? Ofcourse your not, there's not a single human being that is perfect,so tell me.How do you feel? HOW DO YOU FUCKING FEEL AFTER TELLING HER THAT???? YOU MADE HER INSECURE OF HERSELF AGAIN JUST AS SHE WAS STARTING TO LOVE HERSELF AGAIN! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR HER TO LOVE HERSELF AND WHEN SHE FINALLY LEARNED TO LOVE HERSELF YOUR JUST GONNA FUCKING RUIN IT?! FIX YOURSELF!"

•Everytime you started to feel insecure of yourself Azul is always there to comfort you.He loves you so much :((<33

[notamothanymore]

Around 3 months ago i tried starting a big RimWorld playthrough where i would work on overthrowing and starting a brand new empire while keeping a bloodthirsty sanguophage royal with a hair trigger happy so she doesn't rip everyone that serves her to shreds.

Unfortunately for me having around 500 mods broke the save at one point (kind of fortunately) early in the playthrough.

To make matters worse for me i have already ended a previous playthrough early for the sake of this one since i just had to try it.

But yeah, unfortunately this is all thats left. i will try to showcase what i have from the w.i.p screenshots of characters and ideology i was sending my girlfriend when just telling her what fucked up things i will need to do <3

Starting off with the most important person in the colony

Luna Vayonor (unfortunately with a default random nickname)

I spent SO MUCH time in the character editor and im still very proud of the result, i often spend alot of time making those characters unique.

I decided to make Luna the best leader i could think of, that being "do as i will or i will kill you and if i have to sleep in a shed for 5 more seconds i AM executing you! You worthlessness pice of- *mental breakdown*"

To offset her specific and exaggerated needs for survival i did make her very powerful by giving her very good traits, skills and skills for the start of the game.

Although i ofc gave her lots of bad ones for character reasons:

- Jealous for alot of negative mood effects if someone has anything better than her (she deserves the best)

- Abrasive is self explanatory she will insult people and has little to no restraint when it comes to saying what she thinks

- Snob was just perfect while creating her. I didn't know it was a trait but here it is! For creating a spoiled royal its just way to perfect

and finally the double edged sword from the traits is quick sleeper believe it or not

Sure it cuts the sleeping time wich is super useful and makes pawns just do more work, but when a pawn is sleeping, theyre not affected by any mood effects. So technically she can have more mental breakdowns that i will explain a bit later cuz they're also special

i actually forgot what everchosen was though

Next we have the xenotype wich was supposed to be a Modified sanguophage one but i forgot a few of thier genomes lol

i went for a mix of combat focused genes and character building ish genes (appearance and personality)

The most important thing? Epsilon psyker and sanguophage thingys

it was the best choice for making Luna psychic while also (like everything else here lol) having a bad side to it since its a permanent negative mood effect! Another thing about psykers is that EVERY mental breakdown they have is violent, this is why everyone needs to keep her happy, she will kill someone otherwise

oh and since shes a ruler thingy i also gave her a mech link and some cool buffs for it.

Also oh my god blood vomit is such a cool thing for them since they loose hemogen so if they est something bad its x3 as bad for them (1. they get negative mood. 2. in most cases food poisoning. 3. loose hemogen. everything giving mood and stat debuffs? why? because fuck me thats why im not allowed to have fun, Loosing is fun!)

Oh btw i didn't mean to give her long ears,.i thought they were horns cuz i was clicking through the appearance genomes to find cool ass horns.

i picked Low immunity and survival to balance things out and not make her eat 24/7 and underdeveloped teeth for the same reason.

Volatile is just fun and makes things a bit harder and easier at the same time so thats that i guess.

rest is just stats and telekinesis cuz thats cool and fits with a psyker ruler thingy.

and yeah thats about it for Luna Vayonor.

Her name obviously means Moon but i just named her after my old dog i had since i was very little, she was a golden retriever but like, she was the whitest one out there, her fur was almost completely white nit like other golden retriever. Fun fact about her! she used to kind of smile by showing her upper teeth and just sniff like that it was so funny looking and she really tried smiling too! (it was a bit annoying explaining it to people that were afraid but yeah!!! it was silly)

The other character i made for this playthrough is this jackofalltraits ball of anxiety

again a wip screenshot but he was almost done!

unfortunately i dont have the xenotype but basically a perfect servant for sangophages.

Honestly not much to say about them anyway. Just wanted to have a actual useful colonist.

They have just a name too since its a servant

Oh and my head cannon was thst they were inlove with Luna but ofc she would never love him back (why would she?)

So yeah thats all i have

i looks like i lost the ideology but hell who knows i may find something when im back home

Oh and thank you @out-of-context-rimworld for choosing Luna's name, happy to see that the character will live on in someone's playthrough. It does fit too since they have a lucyferium need.

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Mild Confession

From 2023 i looked at my experience with men and i've dealt with a few traumatizing situations but i still can agree that i have to discern and choose better.

I hate that i've had to accept that as apart of my reality but the truth is men or women aren't going to protect you if they dont think you're a good fit... and what i mean is based off the traumatizing situations i been in its like a fish being 'baited' by a shark..

so it caused me to go into celibacy and just staying away from men in general.

the last time i been with a guy, i had to cut it off short because i mentally couldnt take anything that was going on in my past and just wanted to move forward. nothing he did, just thought it would be best to let go.

so i've been sitting with myself and having to deal with my emotions. im practically really old school... and thought for 'love' i'd let it go. the past few years have been something. 20 yr old me was right. all this time. i thought i was 'shallow' and people were telling me i was doing too much but in retrospect i was doing ENOUGH because it PROTECTED me from bullshit. Once i decided my attitude was making me 'stuck up' i kinda let go a lil and it got me into more mess.

so.... im taking a step back and going back to the old me, being 'shallow' in other words having RULES and REGULATIONS to live by instead of letting any man just enter.. thats what they said was shallow. I was too picky.

So ladies, gents, gays, if you've been feeling worthless do to some of the characters you've let in your life i will finally just go and say its time to let go and be 'shallow' be 'picky' be everything they said would make you single AKA SAFE FROM BS. do not go out to that date with that guy unless he has shown he's worth it. don't 'hangout' with them just for fun dont let them tell yall nothing NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. cause you will have to look back at the mirror and take responsibility and blame for whatever a man does to you. thats all.

i gotta heal alot of wounds and bs because folks dont care about you the way you do them, or just like to use you because thats all they been doing. just look out for yourself is all im trying to say.

god bless. <3

[jenanddomo]

6.28.23

11:39pm

hey, its been a long time since i actually put something!

lets start w love life

so i got w my bf lol in early april! he so sweet n cute. he fr has the best version of me he so lucky

the reason y i say he so lucky bc i fr try my hardest not to be ugly or mean to me, he doesn’t deserve that. me n him r doin well :) prob bc it jst the beginning still but even then i tell him everything lol , i told him my darkest secrets n stuff (i thought he was gon be a stranger) but we always havin convos. i sleep w him once a week sometimes two, he so comfortable to sleep with.! i love to be ard him, we do little cute dates n i drove us to the movies to watch elemental it was so cute! so rn thats good

i treat him super good, im super honest w him n i jst cant lie to him:( i tell him the truth eventually. i only lie to him to mes w him like sum stupidddd

but thats that

mentally

i have been doin great actually! i dont feel miserable or depressed, empty, like im so happy now! life is great, i love everyone ard me :) every1 so great their hasnt been anyone so negative uk? im also very real to myself i accepted n jst found peace within myself

so thats good

pets

my two og cats died my spooky n kingking:(

i miss them very much i miss my black n orange cat they were like ying n yang . i miss their cute little personalities they were the best

but now a general

post

lets talk abt what i think and stuff

so i moved on lol as i said i found peace within myself , lookin at the old posts,, gosh who let me cook,,, i saw old posts, messages, and everything n its so crazy how much i changed in 5 months really. lookin at how immature i was , i was so clueless and stupid and lookin back at it now it likes been there uk? it was never a good thing from the get go:) i accepted that, i also accepted i used to be a bad person to but ik i got so much better, the guy im w he makes me want to be a better person.

eating? i dont eat anymore lol, i still eat below like 1000 cals , like every 2 weeks i will eat above it butttt idk! honestly in only this month i lost 8-9 lbs:) so now im 142 yippe yayayay my goal weight is 120-130 so in total i lost 38 lbs which is crazy. when my bf met me i was above 155 so im pretty happy w that

my life been so peaceful and im jst so glad alot of ppl left my life this year before i graduated, n im thankful for those ppl too without yall i wouldnt be who i am today uk? yes i was mad, childish and everything, that part it jst sum i still need to work on bc i do have anger issues. but even then i dont like arguing anymore or jst fightin in general, yea thats what i learned what to do but its not worth it uk? on my insta reels i see some relatable posts that i relate to so much im jst like awh:3

im glad im jst not how i was before uk? rn im jst so calm, i dont feel empty no more , i actually starting to feel motivation to do sum, i want to do sum w my life and i want to help others ard me.

when it was my last day of school, it was supposed to be “sad” but i was so happy bc i donated blood n my blood helped someone:D i was so happyyy like jst helpin other ppl makes me ecstatic.

i also quit smoking so im proud of myself for that:) i do have moments where i wan do it n stuff but im like no drugs bad n the only bad thing i do is drink, but even then im trying to stop that too bc their was one week were i drank everyday but i told myself i dont wan be like my dad so i kind of stopped.

my music taste is different then it was 5 months ago.

i have 2 new cats gizmo n walter.

im jst so happy rn lol i dont know what to say:3

but im glad for what happened to me , im glad i went through stuff when i was a kid, im glad i finally even opened up abt it to someone im jst so glad everything happened bc i jst wouldnt be who i am now

i guess

im just tryin to be a bigger better person

i dont want to be childish no more i dont want to fight i dont want to hit or argue or cause shit on purpose

lately i been emotional but i think

i jst need it bc im jst so glad how open i am w all that stuff rn

i also finished king of the hill lol i dont know if i put that

[completelyricked]

i hope you heal from us

it is honestly just a silly vent post to sort of get a lot of emotion out there. 

there are a good amount of people that should have left my life a long time ago and for good reason. i have not been the best friend people could have but i cant do anything about that. like what am i suppose to do ? go back in time to make everything okay?? cause i can’t do that. i can’t go back and tell myself not to lie about being a fucking shapeshifter and i cant go back to tell myself that maybe because someone is emotionally lacking like myself is not ready for a deeper friendship or relationship and so on. 

i don’t regret not being friends with these people and i don’t regret that i may have left a bad impact in their life but at this point. moving on is all i can really do? what am i suppose to do? keep thinking about it and hoping that something will suddenly change and everything will be like before i guess?? tbh i really hope it couldve but leaving behind people and sort of focusing on people who mean more and treat me like im more is a better way to spend my life. 

it is not my job to give you clarity on what you did wrong or what you couldve done better. im not someone’s parent and ive realized what it does to people. im not one to follow other people’s mistakes to only find myself falling into their issues. honestly growing up as someone with some weird family trauma and a really weird outlook on the world isn’t like going to be super easy lol---!! i cant really excuse alot of the things i did or couldve done better. like i just have to know what i did and find a way to forgive myself because i don’t need others to forgive me because thats not something for me to ask for. because anything anyone did to me is just what already happened. 

there is no reason for someone like me to forgive or really honestly spend my time pondering ?? its honestly been a really wild time for me and i’d hope to eventually find some peace not with my loss friendships or loss memories but mostly myself. 

i really do struggle with a good amount of mental luggage but im figuring out ways to sort of organize it to a good place?? but yeah 

balls

[eggtwobroes]

frenrye

i dont evem know who these guys ARE!

jokes aside though i luv frenrey. frenrey means alot to me which sounds kind of funny to say. its an inside joke to several friend groups (3 friendgroups i can think of off the top of my head). its a comfort. it makes me unironically nauseous if i think about it in bad contexts. i couldnt look at it for a little bit due to bad associations. it also helped me figure out alot about myself (mostlu helped me figure out that im. fictoromantic </3)

alot of text under the cut sorry. WATCH OUT! (ship ask game)

as for what it means to me personally, at first i was annoying with hlvrai. i had the worst possible characterizations yiu could possibly conjure up because i wanted to frankenstein every fucking ao3 trait for benrey and gordon together because i thought that was the way to characterize them. i was also 13 so whatever. i also projected onto benrey HARD which made him more annoying and me more annoying also. at some point i projected too hard and got nauseous with the ship cuz i convinced myself that i was projecting trauma about my ex friends onto them.??? which was weird but i ended up reaching some closure regarding those ex friends a little while ago and also at the time i realised "hm. no this is stupid" and moved on. then i got on tumblr and became a bigger frenrey fan (really funny to say) and it started meaning more to me... my characterizations got better ovr time (same with my art) and everything was goung well. i had friends who liked frnerey and also i liked frenrey myself. peace and love on planet autism. and then the thing in june happened when my now ex friend told me something about literally everyone in The Frenrey Discord server which caused alot of stuff that i wont explain cuz i think you guys know it by now. that was embarrassing. i also couldnt look at frenrey because i associated it with that and it made me sick to my stomach to think about. at some point i got normaler and less mentally ill and stuff. frenrey also became a relaly big inside joke in my friend groups and stuff <3 i dont really make as much frenrey art as i used to now since im more of a darnrey enthusiast at this point but thats cuz i did figure out im fictoro bcuz of it (shoutout to my wife. girdon)

other than what it personally means 2 me its also a really funny dynamic. guy shows up and starts pestering you the WHOLE FUCKING DURATION of the worst days of ur life. claims he used to know you when you were kids (you fucking didnt). and ur brains response to this is "lets kiss with tongue" its so funny. in canon context its like. this guy plays a game and meets the most fucking insufferable npc of his life and falls in love with him when hes literally not even tangible. how do you store that much emotion towards a character from a game you could just turn off dude. theyre both pathetic i think. their dynamic is kinda hard to describe. i think its funny when benreys head over heels for this guy that hates his guts. i think its funny if they both hate eachothers guts and are simultaneously thinking "i hope this guy fucking goes to hell. i bet he wants to kiss me. good thing i dont want that". i think its funny if benrey doesnt care about gordon at all and just harasses him cuz he thinks its funny and gordons like "god this guy sucks. would it be weird if i kissed him. id hate that probably". idk its a very fun ship to play around with its very flexible.. they fit as queerplatonic, romantic, AND platonic. they work out in game and nongame scenarios. they work in aus because theyre opposites. its so fun. im like dr frankenstein and frenrey is my frankensteins monster that i test on just to see what happens and what works best. idk how else to end this paragraph and continue to the next one sorry

mre related to the first bit about how theyre an inside joke. heres a collection of frenrey related images that are inside jokes or about inside jokes

theres also a lot more videos i have but i cant put themall here. sadly. heres one at least

[dear-tumby]

just got out of a manic episode lol

yeah so im depressed now, no longer depresion haha funnys more like depresion no hahas and im pretty sure im scaring off my boyfriend so yeah, he stopped talking/hanging out with me when i was being honest about my feelings, like i was there when he relasped but i start talking my crazy shit and then suddenly mental illness is off the table??? whatever its not even like i like him or nothing like that. i dont understand why i do this to myself, this is just turning into a rant but ive been holding this down for so long it feels good to scream it out into the void that is tumblr yk? also like i drew on cut marks because it hurts less plus i can just wash that off, yk i do that a lot i put on makeup that made me look like i commeted suicide bc i was sad and suicidle(who would have gussed???) plus i just found this collage i really want to go to but no one belives i can do it and i act like that makes me wanna do it more but really it just shows how much people belive imma be a no body and im so scared im going to be suck here forever like my mom and dad. why does life have to be such a bitch like why do i always gotta screw up everything???? lke i have two boyfriends that care about me yet i want to date this girl thats never gonna love me back?? and when i say love i mean i actually love her so much and i cant talk about it because shell find out that im totally in love with her and shell flip out and distance herself from me and i need her shes my everything and if i don't have her in my life even just as a friend i think i need to switch schools again because that's what i always do, when shit gets rough go and hide because i cant handle all this shit and my parents are finally in a good place (mentally) and im gonna screw it up for them because ill stress them out by ignoring everyone and sleeping through meals and holidays and they'll yell at me because they don't understand and i don't blame them im a mess filled with self pity and gross tindencys so i cant have anyone love me truly because im so gross and i just want the felling of everything to stop, like i want to be so fucking happy that everyone thinks on on drugs, which i was on anti anxiety pills but then i felt nothing so i cut myself bu my dumbass was wearing white pants and my mom found out and yelled at me, and screamed and woke everyone up and my sibling still reminds me about it and every time he does i want to hold him down and beat the shit out of him, like does he even take my mental illness serously, does anyone??? are my parents just pretending to give a shit, at least my mom is, my dad cares for me but he just never says the right things, and i forgive him but i just want nothing to go wrong for once i just want everyone to stop. stop talking to me, stop trying to help but also ignoring my despreat cries for help doesn't make me feel any better and also i don't want to be lied toi want the truth even if it would hurt me yk? i don't know what i want, but i know it'd make me feel safe and happy and no long like everyone's trying to get me, i just want to have someone who'd look at all different sides of me and go "wow their awesome, and sure they do stuff i disagree with but there a good person who's gonna make it big and ill stand with them through thick and thin and its okay they have issues we all do and love every flaw" like im sure my boyfriend would say this but i don't want him to say it i want it shown i want to see and trust i can tell them anything and they'd stick around.

tldr: i was origanally posting this so everyone would know i didnt commet suicide but then it turned into a rant so, yah sorry, uh i read a really good south park fanfic so thats something good that happened, though it reminded me alot of me and me is my enemy rn so i was really angry but in a healthy good way, also thought my dad died but thats justsum good ol paranoia also sorry for all the typos, did ths on my computer at like 11:55 so im kinda half asleep

[prettyboykatsuki]

hi my lovely fang!! ramadan kareem! also happy belated isagi day!! loll i’m tipsy doing my skincare and watching formula 1 + premier league football (<-being delusional abt my teams winning. i’m no better than a m*n) but my mind ran on you so i said lemme go blab in your askbox <33

not day drinking or anything dw. just came back in from a bday dinner and then we ended up at a nightclub ?? for some reason ?? the music was really good and it felt good to be out with friends. idk, the old me wouldnt have even entertained the idea of going out so i hope ur proud of me for socializing even when i got drained like an hour into the whole thing.

hope the spring's been good to you so far. (i for one am salty since this weather still feels treacherously winterlike to me.) and remember to pace yourself for school.

life has been so interesting lately: moved out of a toxic household and decided to establish boundaries with family (got villainised for it), trying to learn an instrument as a hobby, became a deku fan (‼️♥️☹️‼️) and an arthur morgan enthusiast (⁉️), my kitchen sink randomly flooded and my landlord was an ass abt it, finally watched howl’s moving castle,

always always still thinking of oliver tho. atp i mentally chant his name like my own personal litany against going apeshit in law school. i think u were talking abt songs that remind u of him and i would like to add for ur consideration: that tyler song w/ pharell? called “ifhy”. also DONT LAUGH but i cannot hear anything off the wiped out album without some association to him. some russ songs too. idk what it is abt that bastard but i enjoy putting him in mental aus he has no business being in: like we both know he’d be a regency AU scoundrel or like a rake or smth and yet i’ll be on the subway crafting it in my mind palace LMAO

back in the day i used to depression-watch the encore westerns channel so those scruffy ruffians u have been read dead posting abt are making my ears perk up a little (a lot).

if i was actually writing you as a legit penpal i would decorate your letter and use different coloured ink and stickers and send u a polaroid and stuff. i am so fond of you like whoa. hugging and squeezing and pulling you 🫂🫂🫂🫂 like taffy!! have a great day and an even greater eid !!

-resident oliver gremlin xoxo

RAMADAN KAREEM EVEN THO I AM ANSWERING POST EID AS SOME KIND OF FOUL BEAST!!!! and happy belated isagi day to u twin i hope it was wonderful

i actually heard alot about the f1 stuff from beloved mutuals posting and general internet circulation!!! lots of . stuff going on in that place from what i can tell . i hope ur special sports guys won i love u !!

also glad ur not drinking too much. a birthday dinner and nightclub feel like a random combo sdjhsdkfj but sometimes u just dont want the night to end so i really get it. im not a club girl either it is so overstimulation for me in a way i have a hard time with so im SO proud of you

i feel u abt spring it is so midwest core how cold it fawking is rn fdkjkhdjfkg. but its fine we ball

ALSO SO PROUD OF U!!!!! setting boundaries w fam is sooo dogshit but u did right by yourself and thats all that matters. iA it becomes easier. also instrument, deku fan, and arthur....... ohhh anon it has been a busy and fun life i see.

I MISS OLIVER SOOO FREAKING MUCH IM HAPPY U BRING HIM UP. i agree ifhy by tyler suits him so much im going to throw my guts up fkgjdffgklsd. also no he is very russ song actually.... best on earth ft him and bia.... i will eat glass. im glad his horrible and annoying ass can support the bad beautiful shorty u are thru law school... the most he is capable of im afraid. ALSO WAIT REGENCY AU KIND OF EATS...... WILL BE SIMMERING ON THAT ..... i think him being a sleazy powerful noble who's been enaged a billion times and broken up with even more chasing u a mean noble girl who hates him ohhh .. ohhhhh

ALSO IM GLAD U LIKE MY RDR POSTING. i am. completely out of my mind about them forreal its actually notfunny anymore JKFDJLKS. but thats alright.

I WOULD LOVE GLITTER PEN. mine would have so many stickers. SO FOND OF U TOO ANON... WE ARE KISSING AND HOLDING HANDS... EID MUBARAK AND MANY BLESSINGS

[jupiterseemsnice]

Day 36

ive been told that journalling helps with things but im the type that i will buy a million of those cute empty notebooks with the intentions of filling every single page but dont ever pick them back up when they've made a home in my room. I have been going through alot lately mentally so i thought tumblr might be a fun throw back to type away my sorrows to an empty audience. I remember when tumblr was poppin and you were super edgy and cool if you had one. Now mind you i was a freshmen in highschool in 2010 so im dating myself a bit here but i remember how cool you were if you had a popular blog. I am 28 now and a mom of two but you'd never know that if you seen me out in public. I dont look like im 29 nor do i look like ive birthed two whole humans. But i am and i have. Life sucks if im honest. Growing up we were told that going to college and getting good grades or being amazing at something was going to set you up for success but i dont really think thats true. I mean yeah some people from my high school have really thrived in this life but also alot of the big names in high school are where im at right now. I dont want this life for anyone cause its hard and some days i really cant stand it. Some days i cant even stand myself. But im trying I guess. I recently was fired from my job. And ive learned a few things. 1)dont trust anyone 2)no matter how old someone is they still live in that highschooler headspace. Maturity doesnt come with age. which is sad cause we are all OUT of highschool and have been for quite some time. I think some things i need to actually put into perspective is stop giving love to people who really dont deserve it. They dont have your best interest at heart. They will step on you the first chance they get. You owe the world and everyone around you NOTHING. You focus on you and what is going to benefit your outcome. 2024 is going to be your year and as cliche as that sounds its gunna happen. Because ive personally had enough. Because by sulking and sitting here feeling down and sorry about myself its not like im giving them any other reason to think different about what has been said. Lets just take it one day at a time together. Because i cannot keep living in this woe is me shit. Im better then this We are better then this. And like my mom always said the only one that can fix it is ourselves. lets make 2024 our bitch.

Amen.

ps Renee Rapp is MOTHER

[sporadicarbitergardener]

October 5, 2023

Working on energy is the hardest thing I ever had to do because my brain keeps thinking and wanting to freestyle but you have to pay people to use a beat.

Mother fuckers will also create lies and play you so that way they can build up off the damage they give you and make you watch them give the simple care , love for another person that even put you down. Any man that lets his friends put you down hes not for you. Staying in a womans place is one thing I had to learn how to do the hardway and mind my own thoughts as well. You will be judged and men hold on to the past more instead of moving forward.

Never going to be able to understand it either because its crazy women will not waste time in their life living like that . Some women will mentally shun you out just to fuck you over.

Shit family even lies as well. I love you. BUllsshit lies. I don't know what life thinks this is or why people feel its okay to "play better ". Especially this " Cafe thats on my street . "The living room " its a Christian based place and the girl behind the counter had this fuck you atitude like it was funny because 'She was Insecure"

People will talk shit about you knowing damn well they have no room to talk or even speak and well they are just as fucking stupid as well. Even more funny when people think I am missing out on anything . "Oh shes a piece of shit". And your a cry baby bitch . A man that lets another women vent to him but you can't is not your man. Love changed alot it will never be what I saw with my grandmother and grandfather . Its crazy and funny because this is not what my daughter will tolerate.

I went through alot of shit to fix her damage not letting another man add to my pain my life my story . Talk to me "like Im stupid and slow." No you have no soul. Thats why they have second death in the gates of hell because that is evil and mean . Wish good on people . Etc. Etc. I was told read book of exodus as well and well its hard to practice and be perfect in faith when a man will project more mental anguish into you and go "ughh" like a female. And look at me like im stupid.

Brush ya teeth fool. Love is a job as well. I can see that. Women don't gain anything from it because a phone devices ruin it

[healingheneree]

02.03.

Dear Journal,

I am trying to write to you more even if its just a little bit everyday. Tonight has been a rough night. I been looking forward to having an evening off to be in a good mental headspace but Liam is sick. Tam is sick. Work has been Long the past 2 weeks. I am just looking for things to be looking forward to. Earlier this week i had dinner at Tams house and we watch Gryffin. I havent had so much fun watching in a long time. I bought some chinese food , Lucas was there eating, Tam was pausing alot making sure i didnt miss the cool parts and that made me feel very good. That night was a very good night. Even tho i went home instead of staying there i felt OK and good. I think Tam telling her and Alex were not going to pursue anything really made me feel a certain way. It gave me more life, when she is spending more time with him the way she treats me vs when she is not is 180. She has so much love and passion and i miss that. I have so much of the same. I have so much love to give and just selfhisly want it back in return. But i know its my turn to give and my turn to put inthe work and hope for the best. Am i scared to not get it ever? Am i scared she will never love me like that again?. Am is scared that im just wasting my time? Of course i am. It scares me to death. But i have also learned these past 2 years i have to face mty fears. I have to believe in myself and i have to manifest what i want. But im also scared if i dont do anything i will lose her forever. I know its my turn to put in the work and do the work and build this foundation brick by brick til its so solid nothing could ever shake it again. 

Tonight was very triggering again. I spent most the week watching the kids. I dont mind really but it doesnt mean its not hard. It weird because there are 2 things that sucks. First one is watching the kids alone and taking care of them. Second one is worst and thats not having the kids at all. I know i have been setting Tam more since i been taking care of her it fills up my cup and helps me emotionally get there easier. But tonight i ordered some special sushi and was really looking forward to a stress free night eating good sushi, and listing to music. I wanted to watch the Illienium set. But instead we had a small argument over ME wanting you to stay home so i can care for tam better. So instead of having an expectation of helping i get yelled at and told when i touch you back its boundaries. I admit touching you just in those wasy makes me heart pound and send electricity through my body. I miss Tam so much. There is nothing more i want but at the same time i need to be patience about things. Its just so hard so today i borke down as soon as tam left my house. 

-Henry

[anoms-world]

im sorry you feel this way about me my free spirit has died over and over again because its trapped and cant see no options around its not that i dont have negative side its just bring back bad memories so i would block emotions completly its not bc of you as you think its just happened and i dont know how and im gratefull for that its gave me so many mental aptronaties

they tend to way too serous about lttle details not they fake emotions through playing feelinf and thinking and being silent they fake how they feel throug playong emotions and being lowd they way too short tp that they choose to pretend fake emotion most the time they patint so they choose to pplay fake feeling blindly most the time limitet eneregy leve;bc the fake emotion yet nn replay bitteness toward themself and others sometimes without realising high eneregy bc feeling doesnt requde energy yet their real feeling replay guilt toward themself and others sometimes without realiseng objective personal

they well never considirate aor sympathithy with you even if they did cause they will considare about what appeal to them and its about them self after all considerate in a silent way as a pleaser or considarete in loawd way as a teaser and it doesnt help each ather as they wish to believe

never ever tell them about what bother you they will use it againt you espicalyy if you are a mouse then you know what i mean you well run overe and over again try to please them all as pleasing your self to finally you are running from yourself seperated by their complete influence and not by an ego seems this is the price of not having an ego you become seperated and lost or afraid

i feel happy for doing what i want for the dirst time it feel nice to defens myself sometimes sense i dont do that alot wondering about the price the unknown price the things i doubt were true all this time

salt water before (morning) potasium protien food (egg or date)(no salt no kidding when breaking fast) nnnn fruit is the best for breaking prolonged fast or protien for normal fast

(AFTERNOOON) sugar first (if fruit) or protien or non/ white carbs coffee/sugar (thiamine in oat help metabolis carbs) nnn around early work out (fasting or not) with carbs with protien or sugar no fat mmmmm chromium grean tew cinamon two days seperately full fast capsaicin curcumin green te never mix carb and fat it increase dopamine addiction hyper fat unless u r active seems bit ok

(night) little salt fiber less carb and lastly fat food (salt caused acne for some reason) cacao spiking insulin ok here nnnnn work better with fasting work and heat more fiber to adapt fat potasium water while fasting

seeing alot of 1111 not sure the thoughts im receiving mine or not for some ppl asking for help is like asking for hell with way much attchn that make you regret beside your pain is completly ignored with their blind selfish noisy loud enerigitic storm oh asking for something else aaand doubled the storm lmao oh ask for something else and you will be insane and maybe you will be attacked with way much pleasure then they just wondering why after the attack loool its just like saying my foot hurt and they will step on it while ignoring the whole thing and maybe lough if they notice aaaand ignore again they really believe in themself huh looks like an active massive ego on the play to me yet too clever to comberhence i really wonder about my ego i have a weird shaked one that doesnt get me anywhere even if tryed yet feels good on rare ocatin and thats enuogh for me not greedy after all yet love to talk it through an emotional ego without natural act its just skrewed on so many level to be attacked even before to think about it almost like animals and noises if we dont considerate at all i wonder alot about the need to attack someone even when no one there or being obssesed about something and want to share when no one there why activies arent allowed here to feel better and become better verstion i wonder if being weak is better for some type of ego unless they running from their mental ego and think its ok to attack others with action they were extremly rude wen i was wek hurt my small hope that i send toward them

feel it let it go dont trust it when it confidant wispering and hungury talk to it what did you ecsept after that? everything doesnt matter right? you are scared why are you afraid of your own death and words? am i doing it wrong? am i weak? did i break time? are we all gonna die forgetting? i dont want to forget so thanks for reminding me you are the blind answer without question so you rushed blindly to question and im sorry for that for forgeting your matter its bc im weak and at the edge and there are not much to forget or to question beside being trapped irl therefor trapped mentelaty which chance do i have? when i need many chances not only one so if something tryied to shake the mentaly with nonsense no obbjective matter will only drive it insane like as if it was possesed its always have been a thoughts of broken passion of chained map to find if not somewhere all i ever needed were chances and silent part er that doesnt mention my weakness only every while as claiming to be helpfull somehow lmao at zero point we all back to be the based animal we were dont be mad and have fun lol disapper and good luck gues what they steped on you whole now and guess what you screamed cant take it anymore and they threatned you with more now nothing is protected and at peace as we like to think espically when you stuck with other pure animals spirits oh and commencation about what bother you doesnt make it any better WTF its almost like casting a quick spell on yea quick you dumb angry aand slow almost want to live in the roof if i can i just want to hide now from loudness beside dreaming about chances and silence cant find my rythem and natural routine anymore without being attacked by others having my sugar level high and losisng apitite a mouse after all a real mouse with little noises a language no one can understand.. seems its written to fight tho i hate it just to be in peace like just now being here being exist (i was lucky by uniq spirit oh that other spirit dousnt shut it at all) when nothing to lose as much they afraid to lose reputaion and hope aaand almost everything that why blocking everything was way much easier not for them sshh its just a matter of time for new order new born new run new play nothing change just new screams new dreams' ut funny she asked me if simething hurt yea my pride want to live alone to have some privacy or have permenat death 621

she hurt me everyday that i dont even recoginize when i am upset with her

some ppl just dont want any good for you or even considaret

and rather want to control you even when you weak

i lost my emotional innecent way too soon with them some ppl are way too imaginative about what they want its terrifying that send me to permenant dream state to save me from myself from the blind one

[violetnotez]

Omg hi!! I rewatched bnha and the scene with todoroki and Bakugo with the kids?? You know what I’m talking about with them, camie and the wind dude? Could I maybe ask for todoroki and Bakugo with an s/o who was also there for that and they’re just naturally good with kids and even got the devil children to calm down ? Haha I thought it would be cute anyways have an amazing day!! Ilyyy❤️❤️❤️❤️

OMG this is the cutest thing everrrrrrrrrrr I legit squealed getting this cause I just love kiddos 🥺and imagining the boys with kids UGH MA HEARTTTT

Music Genre: Pop | BNHA

Characters: Bakugo, Shoto

Warnings: cussing (when do I write without cussing lmao 😂💀)

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!

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Shoto

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Honestly, Shoto is good with kids and doesn’t even realize it

Cause He has ungodly patience

He may bore them at times, since hes so serious and straight forward, but kids generally like him 

(Especially the little girls lmaoooo)

But anyways, we all know these kids were damn gremlins at first

But you somehow were able to relate with the kids on a level the others couldnt

You could actually talk with them and get their attention

Like “Wow is that a Star Wars shirt? Cool!” or “I love how you painted your nails- did you do it yourself?”

General stuff like that

Shoto was just kinda- impressed

Like whoa Im getting pummeled by kids that call me “wee wee”, while your over there able to talk about Legos  with those same kids

He just takes mental notes of how you start a conversation with them

He finds it super endearing though

Especially when your kneeling down at one kid, just talking about comic books

And the kids face just lights up when this grown up is able to talk about characters he loves so much

The kids just see you as like this mama bear now-

But when Shoto makes the slide they all instantly reallllyyyyyy like him

All the kids wanna go on (like WHO WOULDNT) but of course there’s a few that are a little scared even though they wanna go on

Youre standing next to him and kinda nudge him, trying to be nonchalant but point out the kids who were hesitant

when you two walk up to these little girls and guys, they tell you their scared that they’ll get hurt

“Dont worry guys! Shoto built this- he’s super strong, and he would never let you guys get hurt,”

*cue Shoto turning beet red

He just nods along to what youre saying, offering some words of encouragement here and there, but he’s just stuck on how cute you are with these school kids, and then you call him strong-

You two spend the rest of the training session helping those little kids feel comfortable, and he actually makes friends with a few of them and UGH its just too cuteeeee

Bakugo

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Dipshit is annoyed your good with the kids

Like- how is screaming and forcing kids to fighting matches not making them like him???

this poor boy😔

He’s just crossing his arms and huffing around cause- why do they like you?!

Youre the one that kinda forces him to be nice........

Aaaaaaaaaaaand starts doing damage control

Cause Of course, Bakugo makes the fricking kids cry, its Bakugo

So this dumbie starts hollering at a little girl who stole his gauntlet and she bursts in a ball of tears

you run over to her and scoop her up in your lap-

shes like wailing in your lap, and You started asking her question like “Are you okay?” and “Whats your name?”

You comment on how adorable the clips in her hair is, and that seems to help her out- you start talking about favorite hairstyles, animals, colors, and shes actually giggling a little and looking alot calmer

Thats when you ask her why she was crying and she just gives Bakugo the most DIRTIEST look as she points at him

You try to hold back a laugh cause she is petty AF that Bakugo made her cry

“Oh my friend Bakugo scared you? Dont worry, hes not all that mean,”

the liesssssss

You pick up the little girl and bring her over to Bakugo, whose talking with the others about what they should try next to make the kids like them

You tap him on the shoulder and he just snarls out “The hell you want baka?”, and the girl kinda gets scared again and cuddles up next to you

“Hey Bakugo,” you reply back as calmy as you can, “I think you should meet my new friend!”

“Why the hell would I-”

Thats when you give him a “Dont- fuck- this- up-more- than- you- already- have” face, and he kinda gets the message

You turn to the girl, whose still cuddled to you, and say to her very nicely “Tell him your name, it’s okay,”

And she does!!!! 😁

Surprisingly he actually tells her his name....and then for some random ass reason he just holds out his hand for this 6 year to shake

He did look really uncomfy-but his hand,,,,👀

Like that’s what he thinks is what your supposed to do when you make a 6 year old cry 💀👀

pray for Bakugo’s future children

The little girl is super hesitant, but she takes it and kinda looks a little better knowing this big meanie of a grown up isnt that bad

Theres a pause, and she just blurts out -”Why are your hands so sweaty?”

LMAOOOOO EXPOSEDDDDD 💀💀💀

you just fucking loose it

Bakugo is like making unearthly guttural noises cause he wants to start scremaing at this twerp, but he knows if he did youd be pissed, and this little girl is just laughing along with you

But- hes does gotta admit you did look really cute with that kid....

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