#i mean there are ones that seem genuinely happy hes back but i didnt feel like screenshotting

[imaginarianisms]

1 day i will make a meta of sansa's dynamic with her metaphorical champions/suitors & how that correlates to the ashford theory (i.e sansa being betrothed to joffrey baratheon, then promised to willas tyrell, then being married to tyrion lannister, then being married to harry hardying then married to aegon vi targaryen & aurane velaryon but it is not this day. lmao. when i make that meta it'll be so over for y'all.

[tgcg]

happy day of egbert

CG: DON'T YOU JUST HAVE THE MANUAL SOMEWHERE?

TG: dude its the most overwhelmingly basic thing on the planet trust me i literally did all the other settings for you

TG: all you gotta do is point the thing at egbert

TG: half press to focus subject

TG: press down fully and bam done the shit is shot

CG: BUT --

TG: i know youre desperate for this to be rocket science but its genuinely like first grade biz i promise whatever pic you take is gonna be fine

===

EB: yeah, come on karkat!

EB: i am only going to be the birthday bad ass for like, 24 hours total you know.

EB: longest birthday of my LIIIIIIIIFE. haha.

EB: oh hey, from one birthday-dooms day guy to another…

EB: i am pretty sure you understand the magnitude of what i just said!

===

CG: OH HEY. FUCK YOU.

CG: I'M JUST ACCOUNTING FOR THE LITERAL FUCKING INEVITABILITY THAT WHEN I TAKE THIS PHOTO, SOME INSIDIOUS LITTLE KARMA GNOME WILL FROLIC ONTO THE SCENE IN AN UNBELIEVABLE STROKE OF LOATHSOME SERENDIPITY TO BURY ME IN 12 CUBIC METERS OF FOOL-GRADE FUCKING IDIOT POWDER.

CG: AT WHICH POINT ANOTHER HEFTY BOULDER WILL BE ADDED TO THE BULGING MACRO-BINDLE OF SHAME YOU PEOPLE HAVE FORCED ME INTO CARRYING MY WHOLE LIFE.

CG: SHIT, SOMEONE HAS GOTTA LOOK OUT FOR MY ASS.

TG: alright give us a sec

TG: huddle formation

EB: psssshhh, alright.

===

TG: youre not gonna fuck this up

TG: your ass is completely secure dude

TG: i got the double foam padded booster seat and you know that shit is strapped on this 5mph drive through quaint ol piss-easyville

EB: you know if it really is so bad you can just re-take it, right?

EB: it is really not worth aggravationing your sponge over.

TG: 'xactly

TG: knights honor that shit isnt hooked up to my ishades and will not instantly forward me a copy in crisp HD of whatever blunder youre cooking in your beautiful nugbone

===

CG: IT'S NOT JUST THAT.

CG: HAVEN'T I SHADOWED YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY SHENANIGANS LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TOSS ME A GODDAM BONE?

CG: I MEAN. I FEEL LIKE I'M READY FOR THIS. I'VE BEEN PRIMED FOR THIS BULLSHIT FOR EQUINOXES AT THIS POINT, WATCHING YOU PRANCE AROUND WITH THIS FUCKING THING.

TG: woah wait youre legit into it?

CG: YES, I AM LEGIT FUCKING INTO IT.

CG: AND I KNOW IT HAS SETTINGS YOU'RE HIDING FROM ME. WHAT IF I WANT TO TAKE A BLACK AND WHITE SHOT, HUH? WHAT IF I WANT TO ADJUST THE "APERTURE" OR THE "EXPOSURE" OR SOMETHING.

TG: alright i dig the enthusiasm but maybe we can unwrap that shit when we dont have someone waiting for us

TG: i didnt know you were scoping photography man you shoulda said something!

CG: I WAS PLANNING TO! I DIDN'T ENVISION IT COMING UP SO FRIGGIN SUDDENLY MAN.

TG: i promise ill open the pandoras fuckin box of snap addicts anonymous afterwards alright

===

CG: OK, FINE. BUT I AM HOLDING YOU TO THA --

===

CG: HA HA EGBERT. VERY FUCKING FUNNY.

CG: FOR YOUR SAKE I SERIOUSLY HOPE THIS IS JUST AN EMBARRASSING NOSTALGIA-DRIVEN LAPSE IN HUMOR AND NOT A GENUINE ATTEMPT TO "PRANK" ME. I REALLY DO!

EB: huh? who is this "egbert" you speak of? i have never heard of such a character.

CG: OH, JUST THIS BULGECRUD-HUFFING IMBECILE THAT FALLS BACK ON SHITTY PRACTICAL JOKES SO PLAYED-OUT THAT THEY PHYSICALLY HURT TO BEAR WITNESS TO.

CG: MY LOWER JAW IS THREATENING TO REVERSE-DROP WITH ENOUGH VELOCITY TO BURROW DIRECTLY INTO MY THOUGHT SPONGE, KILLING ME INSTANTLY.

CG: SO EITHER GET SOME NEW MATERIAL OR GET ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, YOUR PICK.

EB: damn, ok. that does sound like some pretty serious bullshit, but…

===

EB: whoever that weirdo next to you is kind of seems like he needs medical resistance more than you do!

CG: WHAT

[freaksun]

eddie doesnt let anyone touch his hair. ever.

it reminds him of his late mother, who had the same gorgeous untamed curls. She used to comb his hair when he was little, being ever so gentle and taking her time brushing out the knots.

his father made him feel less-than for just about everything about him, including his gorgeous mane. Called him awful names and always told him to ‘cut that fairy shit’ when it grew too long.

so, ever since she passed, and his father went to jail, hes been growing it.

unfortunately, she never taught him how to take care of it, she’d always just do it herself. So, he doesnt put product in it, he doesnt cut it, he doesnt even brush it. And, stubborn as his mama, he doesnt let anyone else touch it either.

then you come along, happy and sweet, always loving to everyone. he falls in love with you so fast he hardly even notices. you certainly dont either.

one hot summer day you’re both in his room, you on his bed, him pacing, frantically explaining some sort of nerdy campaign idea. you dont know, you havent been listening for a while, too distracted by the way he keeps wiping sweat from the back of his neck. you cut him off rudely, he doesnt mind

“hey eddie?”

“sweetheart?”

“whens the last time you got a haircut?”

he freezes, silent, which is very out of character, dude never shuts up.

“uhh. like a few years ago. why?”

its your turn to be quiet, suddenly all coy. he finds you absolutely adorable as you stare at his floor, trying to find a way to ask him without startling him. as if he were some wild animal, which, he basically is.

“just.. immm noticinggg its kinda matted in the back…”

you try to sound the least accusing as you can. he doesnt seem offended but you can tell hes thinking.

“well, yeah, i. i guess i just havent touched it since. well my mom used to do it for me”

you feel like an ass, touching on something you shouldnt have, making him all quiet and sad. you backtrack.

“jesus, eddie, im sorry i didnt mean to-“

“its okay angel, i know”

he sits next to you. you give him a nervous smile, still sweet, hesitantly reaching for his curls. you can tell he’s hesitant too, but he nods, granting you permission. you take a single strand between your fingers, twirling it.

“Its so pretty, eds. ..would you let me? take care of it, i mean?”

hes scared. but youre so sweet and youre asking so nicely. a part of him is scared if he lets you, he loses another part of his mom. but the other part is staring into your eyes and seeing nothing but genuine affection.

“i.. i guess you could.. try.”

his heart pounds in his chest. You absolutely beam, thanking him immediately and bouncing around the room, looking for a brush. he laughs, shaking his head. you watch as he rummages through his closet, before handing you a light pink brush. you think about teasing him for it but he already looks vulnerable. you smile sweetly instead, taking it from him.

“sit” you point with the brush. he does as you say, running his hands up and down his thighs in a self soothing motion.

“its okay eds, you dont have to be nervous.. ill be gentle i promise” he gives you an unconvincing smile. you return with a guilty one, downturned. you kneel in front of him, in between his knees, brushing his bangs with your fingers.

“we can stop whenever you want, okay?” his cheeks are bright red as he nods timidly

you move to sit behind him, and run your hands through his curls gently, admiring it. you take a part, hold it at the root, and brush gently.

“that feel okay? tell me if it hurts” ever so sweet.

“mm-hm” you can feel his nervousness. “you- you remind me of her, y’know”

youre pretty taken aback, but honoured nonetheless. you keep brushing through the mattes in his hair as you talk.

“Yeah? Wanna tell be about her?” youre not sure if its the right thing to say, but you figure he probably hasnt told anyone about her. you can practically feel his energy shift.

“she was sweet. loving and kind to everyone, like you.” you both smile. “and she was pretty. beautiful. i really miss her.” you stop, rub his back a little.

“i can only imagine.. im sorry eddie.” he turns to face you, smiling.

“s’alright sweetheart. thanks for letting me talk about her” he hugs you. you hug him back, tight.

“hows the ole hair going?” He asks when he pulls back, a joking tone to lighten the mood.

“good!!! ive gotten the mattes outta this chunk here, it looks good. your hair is really beautiful, eds” youre ecstatic and it travels to him.

“thank you. my mom had the same hair.” he smiles, turning back around to let you continue.

“i bet she was really gorgeous.” youre extra-extra gentle. He keeps talking and you keep working. He tells you about how she smelled, the softness of her voice, his favourite memories with her. he tells you about the last time he saw her. he tells you all the things hes been holding inside, everything he never got to tell anyone, never trusted anyone enough. and when hes done, his hair is untangled and soft.

you smile proudly, running your hands through his hair, marveling at your work.

“its done” he whips around, looking at you with wide excited eyes

“really??” you nod, smiling wide. he runs over to the bathroom to see for himself. You stand behind him, peeking over his shoulder in the mirror. Hes surprised, looks like he might even cry. you wrap your arms around him, leaning your head against his arm.

“do you like it? Its a little poofy, but you can wash it out and it’ll look be-“ he cuts you off by turning around and hugging you. he hugs you tight, lifting you up.

“thank you.” you can tell he really means it.

[eternalera]

I'm making an analysis of this scene because fuck it, it means sm to me

so basically the scene im talking about is the one above and why (because fuck you l like adam and lute) it means so much to me

first off when do we actually see adam smile and im not talking about when he's being an asshole to charlie or making some unfunny sex joke. I'm talking about when he looks genuine.

Like he looks actually happy, not entertained but happy because thats what it is with charlie. He's smiling because he's entertained with her reactions and how pissed he's making her.

Whenever we see him smile it has this almost evil feel to it (whether that be with the teeth in the mask that he wears or not although it probably is... i'll get to that later). It feels like he's meant to be the villain. He's meant to be someone you're meant to hate. So why in this scene does it make you feel bad for him and lute? (almost depending on the person cause yes i know some of you jumped up with joy at this, i aint judging)

it makes you feel bad because there's something human in this scene whether we like it or not. that also comes with the removal of their masks. we've never seen adam without his mask so him losing it in this scene provides us with the sense that 'hey hes still human' he's not some eldritch being sent from hell/heaven. he's a guy.

this also comes with the removal of lutes mask. we see her genuine emotion. we actually see her being to cry something that honestly seems almost out of character for her seeing as she's pretty much that one character whos like 'fuck it lets power through this'

this also is similar to adam smiling cause it shows you that in the end he wasn't a total asshole.

but back to the masks. the masks make them have pretty sharp looking teeth which is something that we associate with sharks or some sort of predator. yet removing the teeth (actually adam doesnt even smile with his teeth) you suddenly get a lot more of a human feeling

they dont feel like a villain anymore (even though thats what they are) they feel like a person. it doesnt make him feel like a threat anymore so you have an actual ability to feel bad for him.

but moving on (i ramble a lot so this may not stay on track but its fine :D ).

our last scene of adam in this entire show (im pretty sure like yknow... direct scene) is him smiling. him showing genuine human emotion. because whether or not you guys wanna admit it adam was the first human, and he does have feelings that pertain to humans. so why have this be our last view of him? of him being quite literally beaten down.

well personally i feel like this is because the show wants us to see him as lute sees him. she saw him (as from what ive gathered) as a genuine friend. she actually liked his company and liked hanging around him.

so this pushes her idea and avenging adam or getting revenge for his death. if we didnt have this scene her just getting upset at lilith and taking charge randomly and getting just randomly mad at the hotel would be kinda... eh.

like it wouldnt make for that good of a story.

but with our last moments of adam being him smiling at lute it shows us basically something else. that he cared, for what? we dont really know but he cared for something because its clear that the extermination failed and adams dying. hes fucking dying something he seemed so upset over two seconds ago screaming and shouting how he shouldnt die or whatever

so its most likely that he cared for lute making this scene all the much sadder. besides its the only thing we can assume seeing that lute was the last thing that he saw before passing on.

also ive seen theories that make a lot of sense with lute being the only one who stuck it out with adam till the end. lilith left him, eve was created from his fucking rib and yet she most likely left him. so he probably died pretty damn along the first time around

so lute being there for him and showing that she cared for him and that she still cares for him probably meant a lot. most likely because she stuck around until his death, she stuck around till the end which once again, he died alone the first time and dying with someone with you the second probably means a lot

anywaysssss yeah thats it byeeee

[oatmealdoodles]

*Spoilers for HB Full Moon*

I don’t have my thoughts coherent enough to make a clear post so im just gonna ramble

GOD this episode was a trip. Was expecting it to all be Stolitz, and then it took a hard turn with the Cherubs and the FBI, and to be honest I couldn’t care less about them. It wasn’t bad by any mean, but I was disappointed to see over half the episode titled “Full Moon” was gonna be about something other than Stolitz

And then in the last FIVE MINUTES they pull out all the stops and give us this

VIV YOU WERE HOLDING OUT ON US

I love the way this episode did misunderstandings, which is something people usually hate, because you can SO EASILY see where everyone’s coming from, and they are both completely justified. Stolas only meant good, he wanted to break the toxic deal he had with Blitzo, and he was very thorough about it. But he took Blitzo’s first bad reaction as a sign that he didn't love him, instead of giving him time to think. And Blitzo’s first reaction to someone loving him and genuinely wanting the best for him to be that they’re faking it HURTS. His outburst seems irrational but when you take into consideration how much he’s been rejected, it almost makes sense that he would assume Stolas is getting rid of him, because he’s SO CONVINCED that no one could ever love him.

And I was expecting pain, but I was NOT expecting Stolas to be choking through his tears hurt by Blitz

THIS WAS A STEP TO FAR VIV I THOUHT WE WER FRENDS

I also LOVE how this episode establishes Stolas’s charachter growth. Going back to the first episode, Im sorry but these are NOT the same people

Before Stolas was cruel and dismissive of Blitzo, only wanting to sleep with him. But now he’s grown into someone who genuinely loves him, and is willing to give up their relationship if thats what would make Blitzo happy. And this was all super subtle, over the course of many confrontations. You almost don’t realize it’s happening, but it feels so natural. You can FEEL how much Stolas loves Blitzo in this scene, and genuinely wants the best for him.

Also How Blitzo looked so HAPPY to see Stolas, he went on a night out shopping for him and looked SO EXITED to finally see him. And just how DESPERATE he looks when Stolas is saying he wants the grimware back, literally crying and begging Stolas to reconsider. I dont think I need to say this but I dont think this is about the book. GOD I hurst that the first time we’ve seen Blitzo exited about seeing stolas AND IT END LIKE THIS.

There are also so many parallels with Blitzo and Stolas switching sides, Blitz now being the h0rny one and Stolas the one who truly cares. It’s a ‘how the tables have turned” that makes this episode all the more painful once you realize:

(thanks to @timkontheunsure and @miyakuli for pointing these out)

And BROOOO THE CHANDELEIR FROM WHEN THEY WERE KIDS IN THE FINAL SHOT I didnt even realize this at the beginning but whYYY?

edit: I LOVE people pointing out that Blitzo screaming at Stolas might have reminded him of his toxic relationship with Stella, which might be why he shut down and cried, because that’s what he did with her.

anyways I think that’s all I got so have some Fizzy to cheer you up

[stevie-petey]

could we get a blurb of one day steve went and visited her at work, just some goood friendly and fun banter and friendship and maybe accidental flirting while he helps her out and hangs around? 🫶

hi anon that i have zero clue who u are you !! and yes, i CAN give u a cute lil happy blurb

enjoy <3

“lets play two truths and one lie.”

you roll your eyes at steve. “didnt i tell you to quietly stack some books while i arrange the shelves?”

“but im bored,” he groans, following you as you straighten some books and start setting up a new display area.

“youre the one who insists on coming here every day. it’s summer now. go get some sun.”

steve blinks. “but youre in here.”

“and?”

“itd be boring without you, too.” he says, his face open and sweet as always. his candor is still something you arent used to. theres never anything hidden within his words.

you poke steves chest. “you need to figure out what you want, buddy.”

he grabs the hand thats poked him and tugs you close. “i wanna play two truths and one lie.”

he bats his eyes at you and your stomach flutters. youre insanely close to him now, hes still holding your hand, and he now rests his other hand on the small of your back in a way that makes you shiver in the june humidity. this close, you can see all the freckles that dot across his pretty face.

“i…” your words catch in your throat, which steve smirks at. sometimes you think he does these things purposefully, that he likes seeing you blush.

you pull away, not wanting to think too deeply into things. “fine. you go first, though.”

“yes!” steve does a happy dance, fist bumps the air, and then seems to remember that youre still there. he regains his composure and clears his throat. “okay. my first kiss was interrupted by her dad walking in and seeing us, im scared of the dark, and i was obsessed with frogs when i was younger.”

youre surprised by steves choices. theyre all so wildly random and bizarre. you think for a moment, stumped. he definitely seems like the type to be caught by a father, and what little kid doesnt love frogs?

“you’re not scared of the dark?” you finally guess.

steve cheers. “no! i win! im totally afraid of the dark, im human.”

“okay, so…” you nudge him. “what was the lie?”

“oh yeah. i was actually obsessed with toads, not frogs.”

you hit his chest. “thats cheating!”

“nuh uh. theyre different species. i won, just admit it, y/n. im like, totally better then you.”

“fine, wanna play it that way?” an evil grin spreads across your face. “my turn. ive never been kissed, my dream boyfriend is spider-man, and i have a cat named mews.”

steve answers immediately, confident in his answer. “easy. you dont have a cat named mews.”

“nope!” you go back to arranging a display, secretly elated you won. you turn back to steve and wink. “my dream boyfriend is peter parker.”

“but theyre the same person—hold on,” steve seems to realize something. “does that mean no ones ever kissed you?”

“never.” you turn now and notice that your friend is seemingly frozen in place, still processing the information youve just told him. he seems genuinely surprised.

steve is speechless. “but… i just thought—you know… youre just so you and—”

“and whats that supposed to mean?” you make a face.

“nothing bad, obviously! i just mean. well, c’mon. you gotta know what i mean—” steve is stumbling over his words with a panicked look on his face and you feel bad. you know what he meant, but you like watching him squirm.

you start to laugh. “relax, steve. im just messing with you.”

though in a way, it does kind of hurt. no ones ever shown an interest in you, but at least steve seems surprised by it. if the king of hearts was surprised by your pathetic love life, then maybe there was hope for you yet.

he exhales and rests a hand over his chest. “fuck, you gotta stop doing that.”

you smile but dont say anything else. the display still needs to be set, so you let the conversation die down and focus on it once more. youre not necessarily insecure about not having a first kiss or even a boyfriend, but it’s not your favorite topic, either.

then, after a few minutes of silence, just as you think steve has moved on, he of course has to speak.

“what if i kissed my fingers and then pressed them against your mouth—”

“steve?”

“yeah?”

“shut up and stack some books.”

“yes ma’am.”

[zoyo14]

dont kill me pls

uh, controversial opinion, i didnt like the MD finale

[spoilers/ranting]

now dont get me wrong, i feel like the ending was fine, but the trip to get to said ending? ehhhhhhhhhhhh..

the animation is like, the greatest, prob the greatest in the entire series. however, the writing for that episode feels under cooked. like, theres too many plot holes, too many lose ends, the pacing is absolute dog water.

but the biggest issue? N and Uzi's personalities changed. Uzi reverted back to pilot emo gremlin, and N turns into strictly Uzi support with PTSD.

like, idk, i feel like N really didnt do anything, like, you could prob remove him from the episode and it would be more or less the same. and if you look at the merch?

feral N? decapitating J??? i dont think N earned this, that didnt happen. im 99% sure N doesnt even lay a finger on J that whole episode, the most he even interacts with J is writing the "I O U one spaceship" note. like, the N that was teased and shown in the merch vs the N in the actual episode is not the same person. [no i dont mean that literally]

Vs stand? she 'died' fighting the sentinels, Uzi's? she sacrificed herself fighting the solver/cyn, N's? he didnt do that, eldritch J doesnt even show up in the finale, N doesnt really even fight outside of supporting Uzi and V, none of the DDs even get X visors for that matter.

alot of the characters feel useless i think. like, khan doesnt really do anything, nori doesnt really do anything, thad and lizzy, N, hell, even J. this episode just kinda boils down to Uzi vs Cyn with strong support from V. wouldnt be so much of an issue if Uzi hadnt had her time to shine in episode 7 aswell, like, everything before this was building up for N to take a grand stand or something. he should be PISSED at Cyn, everything and everyone hes ever loved got stripped from him because of Cyn, he literally DIED for Cyn back at the manor, only to watch as himself and V are mutilated and transformed into the DDs, and he gets dumped on a planet where hes abused by J for god knows how long, and when he finally starts to stand up for himself, make a friend/lover in Uzi, reconnect with V, they end up 'dying' right in front of him, FOR him aswell.

all of that stress, all of that fear, all of that anger, and what does N do when he gets back to the surface? sees J working with Cyn? sees Cyn literally destroying the planet? hell, even comes face to face with Cyn?? he just stands there in fear. weve seen N push past his fear before, weve seen N confront Cyn before, so why now is he just standing there? or the one point in the fight where he stops because Cyn flashes a picture of a dog on her visor, like, that shouldnt of have stopped him. thats the person he should hate the most in the universe right now, giving him second thoughts over a png of a random dog. like, huh???????

N also never gets a resolution to his literal years of CONSTANT abuse from J. the only time N lays hands on J is episode 2 with eldritch J. who fights J the whole finale? V. whos pissed at J for betraying them? V. but whos decapitating J in the mural? N. huh? what? why??? also this is a minor nitpick, but in the ending where N yells "THATS MY GIRLFRIEND!!! :D" that doesnt seem like an N thing to do, like, N is a very humble character, he doesnt come off as the type to brag about having a gf.

not to mention Uzi, omg. i think in the finale Uzi is just being a dickhead. for example, when N recovers her he openly says and expresses that hes angry at her for what she did, and what does she do? she headbutts him and calls him a bitch. now lets consider V. what does she do upon finding out N is alive? she apologizes profusely, UNPROVOKED.

what does Uzi do upon seeing V is fine? she makes a deadpan comment about how shes happy V is alive. now tbf, she does look back and give a genuine smile, just to say like "hey, im being serious tho", but like, still, damn Uzi.

another thing i dont like is how serious moments keep getting ruined by jokes. every time something devastating happens, you either dont get time to process it before gets resolved, or the tension is destroyed by a joke.

N getting his core ripped out for example, the second i started to panic, like "OH GOD CYN HAS N'S CORE-" his core is back in his body and hes fine after like 10 seconds. every 'fake out' death in that episode doesnt work, because it gets resolved in literally 20 seconds or less. but i feel thats more a result of the serious pacing issues in the episode.

the episode is 20 minutes, whatever, but keep in mind, MD: Intermission, THE FAN EPISODE, is about 21 minutes long. thats right, A FAN EPISODE MADE BY A COLLEGE STUDENT WAS LONGER THAN THE FINALE. WHAT????????

overall i just think the finale comes off as incredibly rushed, hell, even the merch seems rushed. now im not gonna point any fingers, but certain items seem kindaaaa, ehhhhhhh [cough cough, cat V plush, Cyn plush, and random sticker sheet that just uses the animatez box art]

but yea, thats my 2 cent about the MD finale, overall im prob gonna forget about that episode and go read fic rewrites or something

[part-time-zombie]

Stay Before I Go

pairings: romantic prinxiety

summary: after sharing a lovely night together, roman is happy to enter romantic bliss with virgil. but are they on the same page?

tags/warnings: fluff, angst, miscommunication, yes they slept together, no i didnt write it out, its heavily implied but never directly stated, sorry i didnt feel like trying to write smut, it did happen just not onscreen, i didnt write anything beyond one kiss scene, logan and patton are here but not for very long, idiots in love

word count: 7103

a/n: I kinda went out of my comfort zone for this one but I think it turned out ok. It's not a smut fic at all, more than anything it just deals with the awkwardness and the "what now" that follows after.

Roman remembers it like it was yesterday. Alright, so technically it did happen yesterday, but the details were still fresh in his mind and will probably be all he thinks about for the rest of the month. It all happened so quickly, so unexpectedly, that for a moment he was convinced he had dreamt the whole thing up. He would have thought that was the case, were he not currently snuggled up to the very real proof of Virgil sleeping beside him.

Yesterday had felt like a blur. A frenzied, excited blur all thanks to an extremely successful date Thomas had just been on with Nico. It was romantic and sweet and oh, so perfect, and Roman had been buzzing from the enthusiasm all day. It seemed that he wasn’t the only one affected by an overwhelming surge of excitement, though, as Virgil was practically vibrating where he stood. At first, Roman almost worried he was suffering from a panic attack, but one look at his face quickly corrected him.

Virgil had a massive smile on his face, his eyeshadow a sparkly purple that shined so brightly in the light that it practically glowed against the faint blush on his cheeks.

He looked positively angelic, and Roman didn’t think twice before enthusiastically pulling him into an impromptu dance as the high from the days romantic success continued to rush through both of their veins, music filling the air with a snap of his fingers.

“Princey, what-“ Virgil started, tensing up and nearly pulling away at first. Nearly.

"Oh, humor me, will you? After a day like today, all I wanna do is dance right now!”

Virgil scoffed, though it was from playful amusement instead of exasperation. A definite improvement from how their conversations used to go. “Whatever, dork.”

Roman gave him a smile as he continued to spin them around the room, infinitely grateful that the others had decided not to show up today. They both had this wonderful moment all to themselves for now.

As the two continued to dance, Roman noticed how Virgil started to relax more and more. His movements became smoother and more natural, eventually dancing in sync with Roman on every beat. His smiles were frequent and genuine, even laughing slightly as Roman lifted him during the bridge of the song.

The sound of that sweet laughter and the sight of Virgil at such ease brought an overwhelming wave of emotion crashing down on Roman. He realized right then just how greatly he cared for Virgil, and how much he wanted to keep seeing him like this.

The song came to an end all too soon, with Roman twirling the two around during the final chorus and dipping Virgil on the last note, wishing this moment would last forever.

Virgil grinned up at him, chuckling lightly at their current position, and Roman allowed himself to act on one last surge of bravado before he’d have a chance to regret it.

He leaned forward and planted a quick kiss to Virgil's cheek before he could think twice.

Virgil froze, face open in shock as he started to go limp in Roman's arms.

Roman quickly pulled him back upright, the joy from earlier swiftly being replaced by doubt and worry. Did he go too far?

"Sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just… “ He started, trailing off as his words failed him. Wow, he really messed this up. What must Virgil think of him now?

“Do that again.”

Now it was Roman's turn to freeze. “I, what?”

Virgil rolled his eyes, cursing to himself under his breath before grabbing Roman's sash and pulling him close with a jerk.

And that was when he kissed him.

It was a chaste kiss, almost featherlight against his lips and over so quickly that Roman almost wasn’t sure if it even happened.

Virgil let him go right after, taking a step back as he stared at him. The eyeshadow beneath his eyes had started to darken slightly, but he didn’t look away.

“Was that alright? Me doing that, I mean,” he asked.

Roman wanted to pinch himself and make sure he wasn’t dreaming. “More than alright,” he said with a smile. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while, actually.”

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck, trying and failing to hide the blush that had returned to his face. “Good. Me too.”

“So does that mean I can kiss you again?”

Virgil looked back at him with wide eyes before he nodded, the corners of his mouth quirking upwards as he did so.

Roman didn’t need to ask twice. He took a small step forward and met Virgil in the middle, kissing him softly and sweetly and with all the reverence he felt for him, one hand delicately cupping the anxious sides face and the other resting gently on his hip.

Virgil didn’t hold back how he was feeling either. He deepened the kiss in an instant, one hand clutching the back of Roman's shirt while the other grasped at his hair. His breath fell hot and heavy against Roman's lips, his tongue eagerly exploring the inside of his mouth with a hunger that he didn’t know Virgil had in him. He was like an animal, eager to devour him whole. Roman wanted more than anything right now to let him.

Eventually the need for air forced them apart. They were both flushed and breathing heavily, with Roman staring at Virgil in awe though half-lidded eyes.

“Y’know, I would have wanted to do dinner first,” he joked.

The hand on his shirt tightened its hold slightly. “You’re saying you don’t want to take this to the bedroom right now?” Virgil asked.

If Roman was somehow still dreaming, then by God he wasn’t about to wake himself up now. “I wasn’t saying that.”

"Good, I don’t want any time for me to talk myself out of this.”

“Virgil, if you don’t want to do this, we really don’t have to- “

“No, I want to. Believe me, I really do, I just don’t want to give myself a chance to overthink it. I guess what I’m saying is, do you want to?”

Roman nodded all too eagerly. “Of course! I mean, uh, yes. Yeah. I’d like that a lot.”

Virgil chuckled at that, and if Roman could focus on anything right now he’d be embarrassed. Virgil pulled him into another kiss, and Roman came back to himself enough to guide them both to his room, holding his hand all the while.

Roman ran the memories over and over in his head, smiling to himself as Virgil continued to sleep beside him. How he was so lucky as to have this morning (and that night) he couldn’t fathom. He must have done something great with his life to have earned this kind of bliss, and he’d have to remember to thank whoever was kind enough to grace him with the heavenly sight beside him.

He turned over, taking in the sight of his favorite emo asleep in his bed. He saw Virgil in a whole new light now, witnessing a side of him that he doubted very many people did. His chest rose and fell evenly, his features softened by the tranquility of uninterrupted rest. He looked ethereal like this, with the sunlight drifting in from the window and surrounding him in an almost divine glow. It was as if an angel were with him right now, his messy hair a halo glowing in the light. Roman couldn’t help but thank God for him to get to see Virgil like this, sleeping peacefully like he had always belonged here with him. As far as Roman was concerned, he does. He had completely opened up his room and his heart to Virgil, and he only hoped he would be kind enough to make a home there with him.

Roman would love more than anything to spend the rest of the day with him like this, both of them sharing this moment together while the world passed them by. Unfortunately, as tempting as the notion was, breakfast was currently a far more pressing matter for him. His stomach growled in protest at the thought, reminding him of just how hungry he had been feeling. Man, he’d really love something to eat right about now.

For a moment he thought of waking Virgil to join him. He could pepper him in kisses and shower him with the mushiest pet names he could think of until Virgil finally kissed him back with that all too endearing smile of his, then they would both head downstairs and make something to eat together, cooking and laughing in the morning light.

Virgil mumbled softly in his sleep, and Roman ultimately decided against waking him. How often does Virgil get to sleep like this, safe from nightmares and monsters under the bed? He knew the dark shadows under his eyes weren’t just the makeup he wore, and despite Virgil being the first to go to bed most nights he was also usually the last one up, presumably from him trying to make the most of whatever fitful sleep he could get. He lost count of the number of times Virgil would shuffle downstairs for breakfast later in the morning, muttering little else than a quiet “had a nightmare” when asked what was wrong.

If he was sleeping this serenely now, Roman would sooner fall on his own sword than take that away from him so soon.

Pressing one last soft kiss to his forehead, Roman quickly slipped out of bed and got dressed as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake him by making too much noise. He slowly opened the door and shut it behind him, ensuring that Virgil remained sound asleep.

Patton was already in the kitchen when Roman finally made it downstairs. It looked like pancakes were on the menu for today, going by the delicious aroma coming from the stovetop. Patton turned as Roman entered the kitchen, giving him a broad smile.

“Hey there, kiddo! How’d you sleep?”

Roman didn’t even try to hide the smile on his face. “Wonderfully, and you?”

“That’s great to hear! I slept pretty good, too. Logan said he’s on the way down, he’ll probably be here in a minute or two.”

Patton then stopped for a moment, eyebrows furrowing. “You haven’t heard from Virgil at all, have you?” he asked, voice dropping almost to a whisper.

Now the smile on Roman’s face disappeared. Shit, could this be about last night?

“What? I mean, why? Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. I just didn’t really see him all that much last night, and when I went to knock on his door this morning, I didn’t hear anything. Do you think he’s alright?”

Roman let himself look relaxed instead of relieved. “Oh, he’s probably just sleeping in. Yesterday must have been a lot for him, what with Thomas’ date and all.”

It wasn’t technically a lie.

“Yeah, that’s fair. Oh, speaking of, how’d his date go? I mean, I know it went well, but you were there for most of it. What all happened, how was Nico?”

The memories of that afternoon came flooding back to his mind, and as Logan joined the two of them in the kitchen, Roman eagerly recounted the days events.

As his story came to a close and the number of pancakes began to dwindle, Roman remembered Virgil still asleep in his room, that part of the night having been omitted in his retelling. He grabbed a hearty plateful of food before excusing himself, ready to surprise Virgil with a sugary sweet, albeit somewhat late, breakfast in bed.

Only when he opened the door, he found the room completely empty.

The sheets were crumpled on the bed as if tossed aside in a hurry, with one pillow having fallen to the floor as a result. Nothing else in the room was amiss, with everything exactly as it was when he left less than an hour ago.

Except that there was no sign that Virgil was ever there at all.

Trying to ignore the cold pit in his stomach, Roman made his way to Virgil's room and knocked lightly on the door.

Virgil answered the door within a minute, though the door had barely opened enough to even show his face. His hair had yet to be brushed, and he wasn’t wearing his hoodie. Stranger still, his face was hardened and closed off.

“What do you want?” he asked, tone controlled and distant.

Roman struggled to think of something to say, reeling from the whiplash of how Virgil had acted last night compared to now. Did last night even happen? It couldn’t have been a dream; Virgil had stayed over and been there when he woke up. Then why was Virgil acting like this, almost like he regretted it?

“I just, I… are you okay?” he eventually asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, it’s just after last night…” Roman trailed off, still trying to make sense of things. “Did I do something wrong? Can we talk about it?”

Virgil sighed, looking down a moment before staring back at him.

“There isn’t anything to talk about, is there? I get that what happened was just like some one-time thing and nothing else. You don’t need to explain yourself or try to make this into something that it isn’t, okay? It was nice, and thank you for that, but I know better than to think that it meant anything when it didn’t.”

Roman struggled to process what Virgil was saying. If he said he wanted it, that he liked it, why does he want it to end just like that? Didn’t it mean something to him?

“Virgil, I don’t get it. I thought you wanted that with me.”

“I told you, I’m fine with leaving this alone. I can’t say it wasn’t fun, but the point’s already been made. There’s no reason to hammer it home now.”

“What point?”

Virgil screwed his eyes shut before looking away again, like he didn’t want to have to see Roman's face when he spoke. “I mean, the empty bed said it all, didn’t it?”

Oh. That point. It really was just the one night to him. No strings or feelings attached. It meant nothing to him at all. Roman meant nothing to him at all.

“Oh. I guess I’ll leave you alone, then.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Virgil grumbled, still not meeting his eyes.

Roman let him shut the door, walking back to his own empty room in defeat. Just like that it was all over. Over and never happening again. It didn’t mean anything after all.

Virgil felt like kicking himself. Why did he think he’d ever be lucky? Nothing ever worked out for him, what made him think this thing with Roman would? It was nice; hell it was way more than nice, it was the best thing that had ever happened to him, but he should have known better than to think that it could be anything more than what it was.

He ran his hands through his hair as he thought back to how the hell all of this happened. Things were going surprisingly well; the date went without a single incident and actually turned out impressively positive. Virgil was aglow with the excitement all day, and maybe it made him act a little reckless, but Roman didn’t seem to mind. On the contrary, he looked absolutely thrilled when Virgil acted on impulse and on his own feelings.

Dancing with Roman was as great as Virgil had thought it would be, even if it took him a second to figure out the moves, and when Roman actually went and kissed him like that he figured kissing him back would be a good idea.

Turns out it was a very good idea, going by Roman's reaction. Virgil took a chance and took it further and Roman was all too happy to reciprocate. Things were going exactly how he’d hoped, and when Roman said he wanted this too, Virgil couldn’t help but think in that moment that maybe Roman actually liked him back.

Then he woke up alone.

Why did Roman say he wanted this if he was just going to abandon him in the morning like that? Why bother kissing him at all if it wasn’t going to mean anything later? Roman was always one for romance and grand gestures and all that, so why was last night just over and done with so quickly? Was he just riding the high of the day’s events? Is that all it was to him, just working off steam and moving on?

All he could think to do when he woke up was scramble out of bed, grab his stuff and get out of there before Roman got back. He didn’t want to hear how he overstayed his welcome and to take a hint. Still, if Roman didn’t want him to stick around, he could have just said so.

He should have seen this coming. There was no way Roman felt the same, not even after last night. Virgil didn’t know why, or what he had done so wrong to make Roman reject him even now, but for whatever reason Roman didn’t want things to go any further. He had tried so hard to work with him and to cut back on the name calling and insults, but the damage must have already been done. Roman still didn’t like him, not even after this.

It didn’t make any sense to him when Roman showed up at his door to talk about it afterwards. He had made his point clear enough; he didn’t need to go and spell it out for him so he didn’t get any ideas. Virgil just agreed with him, not wanting to rock the boat by asking why it happened this way. He made it clear that he understood and that he wasn’t going to expect anything more from this and that he was happy with what he got, but Roman only looked confused. Was he expecting a fight? Did he think he’d have to break Virgil’s heart instead of him doing it himself? Is that what he wanted to do?

It didn’t make any sense, but then again Virgil doubted there was any way it could make sense. As great as last night was, he knew better than to think that it would mean anything. It was over, and it wasn’t happening again.

Virgil sighed to himself, opting for a late morning shower to clear his head. Maybe the water will help wash away his memories of last night, and of this morning. In all honesty, he didn’t want to forget it. Not really. Being with Roman was one of the best nights of his life, and he wished more than anything to get the chance to experience something like that again with him. Falling asleep in his arms, kissing him and being kissed by him, it was more than he could have asked for. He turned up the water temperature, desperate to recreate the warmth and comfort he had felt with Roman. As much as he enjoyed last night, he respected Roman's wishes more. If he didn’t want him lingering around where he wasn’t wanted, then Virgil would be fine with that. He’d live off of the memory of soft kisses and lingering touches that he’ll never have again, and he’d not bother Roman about it.

It didn’t mean anything, it’s not his fault he wished it did.

Noon came and went, and Virgil still didn’t feel like leaving his room. If he did, he was bound to run into Roman eventually, and then he’d have to skirt around what happened this morning and tell him that he’s fine with it ending like this. Which would be a total lie, but it would be easier than telling him the truth. Especially when the truth was that he’d give anything to spend another night with him, even if he couldn’t stick around after. He could at least carry the memory of affection with him when he slinked back to his room alone afterwards, this time not staying over.

Of course, there was no way that would happen again. Roman wouldn’t want to talk about it, and Virgil wouldn’t want him to talk about it, so he’d just have to pretend it didn’t mean anything to him. It’ll be fine, it’ll have to be.

A knock at the door made him jump. Was it Roman again, come to tell him to stop moping around over nothing? He didn’t think he was ready to deal with it if it was.

“Hey, Virgil, you doing okay in there, Kiddo?” Patton called out past the door. “I know you’re probably a little wore out after Thomas’ date last night, but I just wanted to check up on you and make sure everything’s alright.”

Virgil sighed before making his way to the door, opening it to see Patton holding a large plate of food with a wide smile on his face.

“I wasn’t sure if you were hungry or not, but since you missed breakfast I figured it’s better safe than sorry,” he said with a smile. “Roman said it was best to probably leave you alone but I was getting kinda worried.”

“You talked to Roman?”

“Well, yeah. He filled me and Logan in on how the date went over breakfast, and he said you were probably sleeping in.” Patton explained. He glanced back down the hall for a moment before continuing. “Say, does he seem a little off to you?”

Virgil tried to keep his voice and tone even. “I don’t know, I haven’t really talked to him all that much today. What do you mean by off?”

Patton's smile slipped a little bit. “I mean, he was all smiles and sunshine this morning, but after he went back upstairs he was just really quiet. I thought he’d be happy about the whole date thing for the rest of the week, but after breakfast he was really gloomy and withdrawn. It just kinda happened out of nowhere, one second he was over the moon, the next he was down in the dumps. I tried talking to him, but he said it was nothing.”

“Maybe it is,” Virgil muttered. It was definitely nothing this morning, wasn’t it?

“I don’t think so,” Patton said. "If it were nothing, he wouldn’t be so upset. Do you think you can talk to him? I know he always goes to you.”

“I don’t think I should,” Virgil started, eager to end this conversation. The last thing Roman needs is Virgil of all people trying to get close to him. That already happened once today and it didn’t end well.

“Well can you at least try, next time you see him?”

Virgil struggled not to grimace. There was no way Patton was letting this go.

“I mean, maybe. It probably isn’t a good idea, though.”

Patton gave him a shrug and a smile before handing him the plate of food.

“Well, either way, we’re all planning on doing another movie night tonight if you wanna join. And if not, that’s fine, but maybe you can still show up for supper if you’re feeling better by then. You won’t bay-leaf the secret ingredient I’m gonna use!”

Virgil fought the smile the threatened to make its way on his face. “Is it bay leaf?”

“Mayyybe,” he mused, a teasing smile matching his sing-song voice.

“Whatever, I’ll be there. No sense in spending all day in here, anyway.”

Patton cheered, hands thrown up in excitement, before pulling Virgil into a quick hug only made awkward by the leftovers he was holding. He gave him one last wave before heading back downstairs, leaving Virgil with a plate full of food and a knot in his stomach that all but guaranteed he wouldn’t be eating any of it.

What the hell did he mean by Roman being upset? It couldn’t be about last night, could it? He didn’t care to stick around afterwards, so why would he be bothered now?

Whatever it is, Virgil hoped it didn’t come back to bite him in the ass over dinner.

Roman was always a glass half full kind of side. He had to be; he was passion, pride, and creativity. If he weren’t optimistic, how could he keep being himself? To him, the glass was always half full, but that’s not how he felt right now. Right now he felt like a glass that used to be full but had just fallen off the table and shattered into a million pieces, with the water now spilled out in every direction and incapable of being recollected.

Yeah, he’s not doing too great. Patton had noticed, because of course he did, but try as he might, he couldn’t make him feel better. Mostly because he didn’t, couldn’t, know what was wrong to begin with.

How could he even begin to explain it? He had finally shared a wonderful night with the dearest person in the world to him, only to get the cold shoulder the morning after. He knew that Virgil wasn’t the best with feelings and vulnerability, and he didn’t want to pressure him into something he wasn’t ready for, but he thought he was ready for this. He initiated, he told him he wanted to, and he definitely enjoyed it. So why did he all but slam the door on him now? What did he do wrong? Why didn’t Virgil like him?

He was being stupid. He usually is, just ask Logan, but he couldn’t help but be confused. Did he think last night would be the start of something beautiful and romantic with Virgil? No, not really. Sure, he would have loved that. He would have done anything to take Virgil out on dates and picnics and dance with him until they both fell on top of each other, laughing until their sides went sore. God, he would love that more than anything in the world, but he wasn’t about to get his hopes up. He was just thinking that maybe Virgil would have been willing to at least talk about where they stood after that, what it meant for their relationship and if anything was going to change.

He wanted to have joined Virgil back in bed and shared pancakes with him as he woke up, glaring at the sun in his eyes. He would have wanted awkward morning-after conversation and cheeky sideways glances while they both pretended they didn’t know the other was looking first. He would have wanted to do more with him, to be more with him.

It looks like Virgil didn’t feel the same, though.

It was fine, really. Virgil wasn’t ready for that, or maybe he didn’t want that at all, and Roman didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by asking for more.

But did it have to hurt so much?

It felt like he was drowning and bleeding out all at once, and with every hour that Virgil stayed in his room, he felt another knife twist at his gut and another weight pulling him down. Did he ruin things between them forever? Will Virgil never talk to him or even look at him again? Had he lost the greatest love he’s ever felt before he even had it?

Just that thought left him spiraling. He had lost him. He had lost…

“Are you alright, Roman?”

Roman looked up from where he was sitting with a start, pulled from his thoughts by Logan as he took a seat near him.

“If I may say, you look dreadful. I thought you’d be happy about Thomas’ successful venture yesterday. Has something happened?”

Roman didn’t know what to say, or if he even should say anything, so he just let himself nod past the stinging in his eyes.

“Is everything alright?”

“It’s nothing to worry about, really. Just dealing with something right now.”

“And what might that be?”

Roman bit the inside of his cheek. How much could he talk about? Virgil probably wouldn’t like him bringing it up with anyone, especially if it was because he was just getting too attached to something that he wasn’t supposed to. Still, if anyone knew what the right move would be in any situation, it would be Logan. Maybe Roman could just leave it vague.

“What do you do when you’re getting along really great with someone that you really like, and then the next time you see them, they act like they wish it didn’t happen?”

“Who might that be?”

“Nobody, it’s just a hypothetical. But what would you do in that situation?”

Logan furrowed his brows a bit as he thought it over. “Well, I personally would talk to the person to see their side of things. If they are upset in any way or if I offended them somehow, I would prefer open communication to allay the confusion and prevent further misunderstandings in the future.”

“Okay, but what if the person doesn’t want to talk about it? Like, really doesn’t?”

“Then you’ve done all you can to fix things. If they aren’t willing to meet you halfway by explaining things, then it is unlikely that the problem can or will ever be fixed. Depending on the person and the severity of the issue, you may want to take this as a sign to stop associating with them entirely if they refuse to communicate with you at all.”

Roman felt a lump form in his throat. Stop talking to Virgil entirely? No inside jokes, no bonding, no late-night chats? Death would be less painful than that. But, is that what Virgil wanted? Does he not want to be around him at all now after what happened? The thought brought tears pricking at his eyes, but if that was what Virgil really wanted, then who would he be to deny him that? So what if it hurt, Roman would die if it pleased him.

“I’m guessing this is about Virgil?”

Roman snapped his head back up to look at him. Going by the expression on Logan's face, him asking was just a nice way of stating the obvious.

“Why’d you think that?”

“I know he was with you during the date, and you both presumably stayed up for some time after. I also noticed that Virgil has not left his room yet, which he only does if he is truly upset about something, and that you have not yet talked about what is troubling you, which is uncharacteristic as you are often very vocal about your miseries.” Logan leaned forward, expression softening. “I admit I don’t know what is going on between you two, but I do know you mean a great deal to him, though he isn’t great at admitting to it. If you aren’t willing to tell me or Patton about it, then you should try to talk to him.”

“But what if he doesn’t wanna talk?”

“I highly doubt that. Odds are he’s just as troubled about this as you are, he just refuses to say so outright.”

Logan gave him a small but encouraging smile, one that Roman found himself returning in spite of his current mood. That’s right, passion and pride don’t give up that easily. The least Roman can do is get a clear explanation out of him, and then he can figure out what to do or how to feel from there. If even after talking it out Virgil didn’t wanna be with him, then at least he’d have an answer and an actual reason to mope.

Now if only he could figure out how to talk to him…

Dinner came all too fast and passed far too slowly. Virgil had come downstairs to eat, but he didn’t do much more than that. Patton tried to pull him into conversation, but all it took was a sideways glance at Roman for him to go quiet again. Logan had noticed and tried to get either of them to talk about something, anything, but to no avail. If only awkward silences didn’t slow time down to a crawl.

Roman has no idea how, but Patton had managed to convince Virgil to stick around for a movie after dinner. He didn’t seem all that hyped about the idea but then again, very little got him visibly excited. Roman didn’t want to think about how happy he looked during their dance, and how he may not see that look from him again.

Everyone settled down on the couch in their onesies as the votes were cast. Well, most of them, as Logan still refused to wear his own onesie. Roman rigged the votes again, this time securing Hercules for tonights film. A personal favorite of his, and one that he knew Virgil at least secretly enjoyed.

The movie played on through the evening, though Roman couldn’t bring himself to focus on most of it. He kept sneaking glances over at Virgil, who was curled up on the other side of the couch with as much distance between him and Roman. Sometimes when he looked over at him, he looked lost in thought. Other times, it looked like he had just tried to not get caught looking at him first. He wondered what Virgil was thinking when that happened.

Logan didn’t hesitate in rising from the couch as the credits rolled, already calling it a night despite it still being fairly early. Maybe he was finally acting on the sleep schedule he had enforced on everyone else, or he just had a lot of work to do and was looking for an excuse to get to it. As he urged Patton to get some rest as well, Roman started to suspect he was just finding an opportunity for Roman and Virgil to talk in private.

Soon enough Patton had gone to bed too, leaving Roman and Virgil alone in an otherwise empty room. Again.

This wasn’t nearly as fun as it was the last time they had spent the night together.

Virgil seemed to agree, as he quickly got up from where he was sitting and prepared to head to bed, not even looking at Roman.

For a moment Roman almost let him go, not wanting to bother him about something he clearly didn’t want to talk about, but he knew that if he didn’t talk about it now, he likely never would. He had to try, at the very least.

“Virgil, before you go, can we talk? Please?” he urged, watching as Virgil stopped in his tracks in response to the words.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked, not yet turning around.

“If you’re alright with that. I just want to make sense of where we are right now.”

Virgil remained where he stood, this time fortunately turning to at least face him.

“I don’t know if we’re really anywhere right now,” he muttered. “I thought last night was just the one-time thing. It didn’t have to mean anything, right?”

“Not necessarily,” Roman replied. He patted the spot beside him on the couch, looking at Virgil with pleading eyes. “That’s kind of what I was wanting to talk about.”

Virgil shifted in place, warring with himself before he finally gave up and took a seat next to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself, not really looking at anything.

“So what the hell is this about then? I thought we were clear about this.”

“I don’t think we are,” Roman said. “At least, not yet. I know you want one thing from this, but I want something else. I don’t know if that’s what you want, but I want to at least talk about what we both think this means for us. I want you to be alright with this.”

“I am,” he growled, tone shifting to something cold and controlled. “I told you, it was nice, but it doesn’t need to be anything. I’m fine, I don’t need to talk about it.”

“Well, I do,” Roman insisted. “It doesn’t look like you’re fine, and if something is bothering you, if I’m bothering you, I want to know so I can fix it.”

“It doesn’t matter, okay? You did nothing wrong, I just gotta put this whole thing behind me. It’s not going to happen again, and I’m fine with that.”

“Maybe you are, but I’m not!”

Virgil’s jaw dropped as he finally turned to look at him. “… I, you, what?’

Roman took one of Virgil's hands in his own, wishing he didn’t see how Virgil tensed at the action. A day ago they danced together, and now he flinches at handholding.

“Virgil, please. I know you want to just pretend it didn’t happen, that you probably wish I never so much as kissed you, but I need you to know that I don’t want that.”

Virgil just stared back at him, wide-eyed and confused as Roman pressed on.

“I don’t know what I did to make you avoid me, but the last thing I want is to just carry on like it didn’t happen. I love dancing with you, I love holding you, and I love waking up next to you so much that I don’t know if I can sleep without you by my side again.”

The hand Roman was holding started to tremble as Virgil screwed his eyes shut in confusion. Or fear. Or both.

“But I thought you didn’t want me there. You came to my door to tell me that, right?” Virgil opened his eyes and looked back at him again, a sea of emotion swirling behind them. “Isn’t that what you wanted? For me to leave?”

Roman felt like he had just been slapped in the face. How on earth could Virgil ever think such a thing? What could Roman have done so wrong to convince the owner of his heart that he wasn’t wanted?

“Darling, that’s the last thing I want. You lying next to me was the most wonderful sight I have ever seen, right next to your lovely smile of course. I want to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of our lives, if you’ll allow it.”

“... then why did you leave?”

Now Roman was the one who was confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean if you really mean all of that, then why the hell weren’t you there in the morning? I woke up and you were nowhere to be found. You didn’t wake me, didn’t leave a note, you just left me there to wonder why you left.”

Details of that morning came back into focus, falling into place like puzzle pieces. He must have been gone for nearly an hour over breakfast and Virgil always complained about being a light sleeper, so to wake up alone after that with no explanation…

“Virgil, I don’t know how I didn’t realize… you must have thought that I… you don’t think that I up and abandoned you, do you?”

Virgil stared at him for a moment, processing what Roman had told him. “Well, yeah. I mean, that’s what it looked like to me. What else was I supposed to think?”

Roman couldn’t help but laugh. The whole time, he thought it was something about their relationship, but it was just breakfast? That’s all it was this whole time?

“What the hell is so funny?” Virgil snapped, withdrawing his hand.

“It’s not, it really isn’t,” he started, taking a deep breath to ease his laughter. “It’s just, I had gone downstairs to get some breakfast for the two of us. I didn’t wake you because you just looked so peaceful and I couldn’t bring myself to disturb your sleep. I had a whole plate full of pancakes for you, Virge. I just wanted to let you sleep in.”

Virgil leaned back against the couch, letting the words sink in. “So, this whole time… you were just getting food? That’s it? You didn’t just want to avoid telling me to leave?”

“God no, what kind of coward do you think I am?” Roman answered.

“But I thought, and earlier when you tried to talk… oh my gosh, I’m so stupid!” he exclaimed, covering his face with his hands. “I’m such a fucking dumbass!”

“Hey, if you are then so am I,” Roman offered. “I should have thought to leave a note, or to just bite the bullet and wake you up. Honestly, I ought to have realized you’d think something like that if you woke up alone. I messed up big time on that one.”

“Yeah, maybe a little bit,” he replied, face still hidden behind his hands. “Why did I go and make this into a huge deal when it didn’t need to be?”

“It’s not like you can help it. Just like I can’t help falling in love with you.”

Virgil dropped his hands and looked at him in disbelief. “Please tell me you did not just reference Elvis right now,” he groaned.

“Maybe I did, but don’t worry. There’s plenty of other love songs I plan on bringing up around you.” Roman grinned, only for it to fade quickly. “That is, if you’re alright with that.”

Virgil gave him a small smile in response. “I don’t think I’ll mind. But just so we’re clear here, you do want this to be an actual thing, right? Like, you and me being together, that’s what you want out of this?”

“Of course, more than anything in the whole world. I’d love to take you on our own perfect dates and dance with you all night long if you’ll let me. I would love to be with you every night and every morning. I want to wake up with you for the rest of our lives, and I promise, if you want that with me too, you’ll never wake up alone ever again.”

Virgil smiled again, the same wide smile that made Roman melt inside. “Yeah, I really want that too.” He said, before letting out a low laugh of his own. “And holy shit are we both total fucking idiots.”

“Idiots in love,” Roman countered. “Don’t forget that part.”

Virgil leaned against him, humming thoughtfully. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.”

Roman smiled again before pulling Virgil in for another kiss, one that would lead to many more down the line, and he was already looking forward to each of them.

@britt-ish123 @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat @rougeside4 @nico-the-overlord @can-i-take-a-stab @lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie @keitaisghost @new-zee-land

[dballzposting]

If you watch DBZ then you see that like...

We See Ttunks and Goten separately before we see them interact.

TRUNKS: He is a lively kid. He is excited to see Gohan, and thinks very highly of him. He did think that the Saiyaman outfit was cringe however. He trains with his dad. He seems to have fun being himself. He seems happy and confident.

GOTEN: ough god hes sofunny. He is VERY energetic and very loving. Partly due to age and partly due to who his father is, he is pretty thick-skulled. Definitely naive. Not a pushover, holds his own, but he does defer to Gohan's direction, trusting dearly.

GOTEN & TFUNKS INTEEACTING: immediatly we see something change in Trunks. Goten is the same but Trunks changes. I think it's becasue the expectation of the tournament changes him, hes in public, hes wearing a certain face, etc - but when he was informed that he had to fight in the Junior Division, his voice dropped an octave and he says to Goten smth to the effect of "you hear that Goten? What a load of barnicals."

It makes sense given who Trunks's parents are that he knows how to trash talk in a fight. It also makes sense that Goten didn't know what he was hearing when Trunks was spitting shit with that blond-mullet kid.

Trunks isnt even that particularly arrogant, but hes defintiely a kid who is behaving how he thinks he ought to, I.E. doing the best with what has been modeled for him.

Bless his heart - he didnt even know enough to know to go easy on Mr Satan. No one fucking tells this kid anything.

Goten has no tact or finesse. His father is a genius when it comes to battle, though he had his sloppy moments as a youth - but even accounting for that, Goten isnt the prodigy that Goku was. Unlike Goku, Goten has genuine hobbies and interests other than fighting, so he just cant dedicate all of his soul to that.

And he just lacks tact and finesse. It's becasue he's 7 but to be honest he is 100% DEFINITELY EXACTLY LIKE THAT in DBGT as well.

Goten shoots that kamehame-ha and destroys a bit of the building. Meanwhile Trunks has the foresight to Not blow up the audience with his ki blast. He also had the good sense to suggest that they stop using ki blasts. Trunks has received good training. Meanwhile Goten is out here just going for it

Trunks has a set of inner rules that hes following: he has guardrails: he has a sense of order, he understands where he is in a hierarchy, his spirit is being tamed.

His inner rules are things like: keep it cool, dont let them see you sweat, listen to your parents, have discipline and control in battle, stay resilient, stay prideful, WIN HARD, keep it cool, do what you're supposed to do; the rules for the regular folk dont apply to you becasue you're cooler; do well by yourself, earn your keep, earn your pride, be sneaky and dont get caught.

Meanwhile Goten's inner rules are more like: BE POLITE, mind your manners, always stand back up, be fair, listen to what Gohan says, live and let live, be nice to everyone unless they're mean to you, dont hesitate to defend yourself when you feel slighted.

Goten's rules foster more self-direction and intuition, whereas I feel like Trunks's rules get him all shaken up in the long run. They're less in-the-present-reality based.

When Goten walked out into the arena, he was amazed at how many people there were. Every time he won, he was bashful, and gave a bow.

When Trunks entered the tournament grounds, he slung his bag over his shoulder and walked like his father. He kept his arms crossed against all the other contestants, feeling slighted at having been placed in the junior division to begin with.

Trunks really felt that he deserved better than the Junior Division, and he wasnt wrong at all; but the fact that he saw that, felt that way, and acted on it says a lot about the sorts of values that hes growing up with.

I feel like if it was just Goten, he would have accepted that and had fun.

When Trunks gets to be with just Goten, he becomes a lot more spontaneous, eager, and happy. But he changes when the eyes are on him. At the same time, hes used to people, living in the city and being rich and all. I guess that's why he knows how to behave around them. Or maybe hes just shy like his dad.

Goten didnt know how to act in front of all those people, so he just acted like himself..

But also, Trunks isnt perfectly natural around Goten, becasue he does like to be better than him. Becasue he expects it. Becasue he ought to be. Becasue his dad tells him so. Or, rather, implies it.

BUT when Gohan asked Goten how strong Trunks was, Goten sang his praises and said that he won Every Time. But when Vegeta asked Trunks how strong Goten was, Trunks gave a modest answer, and said that they were pretty well-matched, and he explains their discrepancy likely being due to just age.

IDK. These details fascinated me two years ago when I first saw it and I still like it. It's a good show....

[office-hours-affection-if]

Hey 👋 I am a new, who is excited to read your story, and meet the ROs ( i am in love with Law)

Anyways if you haven’t already answered this before, how would the ROs react to the Mc saying that they(ROs) were in their dream while blushing and can’t keep eye contact?

Rbglish isn’t my first language, so if something is wrong, sorry.

/ have a good day/night 🫶

Hi Anon! and welcome fellow Law Romancer ^^ Also I didnt even notice that its not your first language too, you're good 🥰. Thank you for the support <33

ROS reacting to MC dreaming about them:

Assuming MC and the ROs are both in the crushing stage 🫢

Diesel: Would raise his eyebrow at you in amusement before grinning. "Oh? What kind of dream is it?" He'd ask you, clearly pleased at seeing your blushing face. He won't stop teasing and pestering you to admit, and when you do, he'd be worked up but won't say it. "You should dream only of me."

Seth: Blush and fold!! "You dreamt about me?" Would also panic at seeing your reaction. "Well to be fair, I had a lot of dreams about you too." He'd confess, his hand rubbing the back of his nape, avoiding eye contact. Seth avoids speaking more of it because he is afraid he might say too much about it but nonetheless someone is going to sleep elated.

Az: "What dream was it?" He'd genuinely ask but seeing your reddening face and you can't seem to look at his face would get some ideas in his head. "W-well that's completely normal." Az would say, assuring you and you can't help but notice him stutter and his ears a bit red, since you've started spending time with him this was the first time you've seen it. "...especially now we're always working together." He quietly continues, still not looking and something the way he says it, suggests its not only you dreaming about him. Could it be he had dream about you too?

Grant: "Interesting..." He'd just say, he won't say anything more but with the way he was looking at you feels like something in him changes. You'd notice him be more clingy towards you and gets your attention. Starts dropping more hints that he likes you.

Leon: "Then I hope it was good dream." He'd say, smiling at you softly but seeing your reaction gets him flustered. He clears his throat awkwardly. "It's fine, its normal to dream about... that" Although, he is curious and interested but won't ask you more about it. Leon is secretly pleased you dreamt about him and it makes his day.

Markus: He grins at your reaction. "Please, I have all day. Tell me all about it." Markus would be elated and even light heartedly joke with you. "We can make that a reality, if you want. I'd be happy to provide you any service."

Dom: Would reassure you that its fine to dream about him but deep inside is freaking out. You had dreams of him?! Has so many questions. "Do- do you want to talk about it? I mean, no pressure of course" but is dying to know. You may have occupied his mind but now he can't deny it anymore.

Isla: Teases you about it when seeing your reaction and when she sees you had enough of her teasing bc it makes you so shy, she'd tone it down or try to differ the conversation to her. "You know I had a dream once that you were very jealous when I was dating an ex..." She smiles at seeing your pouting lips, she taps it with her finger lightly, she stares back at your eyes, longingly. "-and it made me happy that you wanted me." The last line has you almost holding your breathe.

Conrad: "Hey, no need go get shy." He smiles at you affectionately. Conrad pulls your hand away from your face to get a good look of you. "Hearing you say you dream of me makes me so damn happy and to be fair you're a dream come true to me." You almost snickered at his flirtation attempt and almost pull away but Conrad gently stops you. "What? Its the truth!" You shake you head at his antics sometimes but its one of the reason you've been enamored to him.

Law: He invited you for a dinner at his place, sitting down in his expensive sofa, nervous you'll spill your drink but he only rolls his eyes at you playfully, "Its just a drink. It'll be easy to clean them."

Which still didn't help as you're even more nervous, you blurt out your dream of him that starts like this and somehow it spiraled to you almost confessing to a direction of the said dream that you've swear to bring with you to the grave, you look back to see Lawrence only staring at you in turn before blinking rapidly, he turns to his head to the side, covering his mouth with the back of his palm and you almost wanted the ground to swallow you up, waiting for him to laugh or make fun of you, so you looked down on your lap and waited for a sound but he didn't.

Curiously, you raised your head slowly to see him in the same position but he was now looking at you. You raised your eyebrows to see him openly blushing. It was the first time to see him like this. All because of you? You can't help but urge to tease him, you start to grin.

"Don't."

He warns you, dropping his hand. "Or what?" you answer back lightly and he starts smirking, getting close to you, causing your grin to drop, oh no. Law smirking is never a good combination for you (and your heart)

"I'll kiss you."

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

note and an update:

didnt meant to have a bit more part for lawrence but i had to write it as it kept rolling!! :)) anyway, thank you for reading. i was able to practice writing, even if its short.

im also waiting for the hospital ill be deployed so im still a bit on edge and the preparations. august certainly became more of a busy month for me but i want to thank you for being here and supporting even if i post sometimes now, your patience means a lot! as long as i am still active here then writing will continue + all asks will also be answered (even if its slow 🥲)

thats all! 💗

[l1nghuarchive]

hello!!! I wish u luck on starting up ur blog! :) being the absolute heizou and kazuha simp I am, may I request them with a sick reader? <3

WEE ONG TYSM FOR REQUESTING AAA YOU DIDNT PUT A GENDER SO I HOPE GN IS OK FOR YOU!! (i wrote this while i was taking the bus home, sorry if there are any spelling errors !)

Pairing : Kazuha && Heizou x reader

Type : hcs

Warnings : n/a

KAEDEHARA KAZUHA

• Being the kind hearted person Kazuha is, he'll make sure to take care of you perhaps even stay back behind to take care of you if you are part of the crux!!

• As a wandering samurai, im pretty sure he has to take care of himself a lot before he had met Beidou so he is quite and expert when dealing with simple symptoms of sickness. If it's a high fever, he'll go to Baizhu to get medication and feed it to you! <3

• If you are very conscious about getting him sick even if he says it's okay, he'll write little poems for you and even draw a small doodle of himself as well as leaves! (ps. His drawing skills aren't really good but his words in his poems definitely make up for it!!)

• "Kazuha , these are uh really nice hearts that you drew..!" "My dove, it meant to be leaves.. But if you think it's a heart then it can be as well."

• Kazuha may seem like a rather calm person outside but he is interanally panicking inside if he is doing enough since he is scared that your health would get worse because he isn't taking good care of you.

• If you're symptoms tend to get worse, please reassure him it isn't his fault or he might actually start panicking and trying a bunch of medicine that he learnt on his travels that he thinks might help.

• Overall, Kazuha really someone who would stay by your side even if he isn't a professional doctor he is really genuine of taking care of you <3

SHIKANOIN HEIZOU

• The best detactive Heizou is almost never called in on a sick day, after all missing one day could mean missing a lot of clues and cases he might find interesting.

• Now when he heard you were unwell, let's just say he doesn't really know how to take care of you </3 and he may or may not have fed you the wrong medicine..

• "Heizou, i think that is the medicine if I'm having if im having problems with.. Releasing gas." "Oh." (you told him that when he just fed you a spoon full of it, you had problems with your stomach a few days later after you got better..)

• Heizou would definitely try to cuddle with you in bed if you are having a headache or having trouble sleeping, of course while you're asleep he might try to think of ways to help you feel better faster. He hates to see you lying in bed all day since he wants you to go on many cases with him all around inazuma!

• He'll try to crack some jokes while you're in bed to keep you entertained while you're recovering. (his jokes are kinda stolen off from google but the fact they are overused makes it funny LMAO)

• Unlike Kazuha who is a wandering Samurai, being a detective requires a lot of time so Heizou always has to leave very early in the morning so he can come back earlier to take care of you though do expect a little note with a few puns and overused jokes next to your nightstand.

• Once you've gotten better, Heizou might have to work extra hours because he did runaway from the tenryou commission to take care of you do if he arrives home late please do welcome him with a hug <3

• Heizou might not be the best at taking care of you but he is willing to sacrifice himself to make sure you're healthy and happy <3

Tysm for requesting, i hope you liked this and sorry if it is ooc! </3

[girlboyzone]

ok ive finished :) and i do have thoughts. area unknown has been really special. its a rare bird in terms of minecraft content and theres just so many important stories being told there. the way it relates to the wider sunship canon or whatever its called is amazing, and the otehr ppls content like oli's dedicated grinding, moonzy's beautiful buildings or graaavel's awesome lore (HIS LORE VIDEO WAS SO GOOD. IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. THE MUSIC????? YEA), was all so amazing to witness.

BUT i do have some criticisms if you dont mind me sharing. none of it is with ill intent and i understand why the decisions that were made happened but i still think its worth pointing out.

im disappointed with how aimsey and scott's arc was left off, because i dont think it reached a satisfying conclusion at all and the loose threads they left didn't feel like a culmination of their relationship. aimsey and scott's conversations are some of my favourite parts of the lore because their relationship is so, SO interesting and really worth exploring. so ending it by saying "scott just got bored and went back to hell" was not a good move i feel. i really wanted to see something more there.

guqqie does touch on hera's influence when she discovers the grave but to be honest i dont understand why she was allowed to get married to aimsey and have a happy ending. hera has made a point of dooming them in every single universe and she just loves torturing her little experiment, and her influence has continued into season two with egging aimsey and oli on with the lab, so i really don't understand why guqqie was able to seperate herself from this and later get married when that has never been allowed before

i guess that everything was intentionally left pretty open ended so things could change in future, guqqie did say she'd write something up later this week which could give answers to what i mentioned above. and who knows, maybe in the years guqqie and aimsey were split hera could have been defeated in some way. maybe guqqie went back and confronted her or something idk. i would really like to see something like that though. and of course that open-endedness leaves room for aimsey and scott to do something which would also be great. but yeah those are my less great thoughts about the finale. but do not be fooled just because it wasnt absolutely perfect didnt mean i didnt enjoy it/think it was bad

FORTUNATELY it has given me a great window to start working on that au because i really want to develop scott and aimseys arc, explore aimsey's feelings as a demon and the horror that comes with that, and his relationship to hera because the one time they interacted always gives me chills. so i think the finale was flawed but thats ok because now i can go in and do awesome stuff with my own ideas for a bad ending. because i like hera cannot let the characters rest. ineed to be stopped hehehe

but yeah apart from that i did really enjoy the finale. it did feel like area unknown. the party, never have i ever, michela being hilarious and caitees being weird, and of course heartbreaking sunship lore. it genuinely gave me the same warm feeling as when i was watching through all those vods from 2022 when they were just messing around or screaming at each other in the rain. area unknown needed to end. no one seemed to want or have the time/inspiration/motivation to do stuff on it anymore, and the characters needed a conclusion and to be let go so they could just be in their own right. i'm glad that its done. it was really special. i cant wait to see what everyone does next :3

i agree heavily on the scott and aimsey topic, i wish we could’ve gotten more development of their relationship or seen scott in s2 bc there was a psrt of his house i think somewhere and then he was never mentioned again iirc, but they were probably both too busy or something to do anything which is ok i’ll just make it up in my head :3

and i hope there is a bit more of something w hera and auguqqies whole thing and how hera allowed ausunship to get married, or how all that went. i’m just really curious

anyways love u sneef thank u for liveasking to me this has been very fun :333 <3 im rlly glad u liked area unknown!!!!!!!

[mynameiskanade]

SILLY LITTLE MIKANADE STORY !!

the door from the bathroom opened, revealing a kanade with a towel draped over their shoulder while their hair was on top of the towel. the little waterdrops forming in the end of their strands, as the drops fell to the towel underneath. kanade stretched their arms upwards in exhaustion, before walking to their bed and sitting on it. they immediately grabbed their phone from on top of the drawer nearby, turning it on to check if theres anything new. they saw a message by a familliar someone…

[theres more under cut!] [anti selfship dni :3]

kanade, in the next day, was running through the crowds of the city. it was 09:57, almost time for them to meet with mika in the cafe. they quickly ran past the shops. they suddenly stopped running, heavily panting as they felt their heart beat quite fast. they opened their phone to see: 10:01 AM. they panicked and immediately went into the cafe as the bell in front of the door rings. a familliar person quickly noticed it, and a dopey, wide smile crept onto his face when he saw kanade.

“ kanade-chan, over her’! “

mika waved to kanade from afar, kanade walked to him and sat on one of the chairs for the table mika was in. “ …..ahh.. sorry, i was a bit late.. “ kanade said, scratching the back of their head nervously. their heart seemed to beat faster from running. “ ??.. nnahh,, its fine! i think i jus’ came too early. i was hopin’ ya’d come! “ mika reassured, patting kanades head. the waiter slowly came to their table, giving them the menu.

“ so, what do ya wanna order ? i think i’d get the donut! i know ya really like strawberry donuts, so i wanna order ‘em for the both of us.. “ mika’s cheeks became as pink as the stawberry donuts on the picture of the menu.“ …. mmm… well, if you’re ordering the donut for me, then ill just take the cappuccino. “ kanade said. “ ohhh… alright then! i’ll jus’ get donuts for us. i don’ feel like eatin’ much.. “ the waiter writes down in their notepad about kanade’s and mika’s order. the waiter then took the menu and walked away. there was a slight awkward silence between kanade and mika after the waiter left, but kanade spoke:

“ ….so.. uh… oh, right. did you know theres multiple new clothing stores in a mall i used to go to a lot as a kid? “ kanade said. “ …i was hoping you might wanna.. join shopping with me? “mika’s face immediately brightened as soon as he heard that. “ nnggahh.. i wanna go wit’ ya ! tha’ sounds fun, and .. “ mika paused for a second. “ …to think i’ll be goin’ wit’ ya.. makes m’go all fuzzy.. “

the waiter then soon arrived with the food that kanade and mika ordered. they both were happy to eat the food and drinks while chatting happily with eachother. it has been a while since kanade has been this way. they felt… attached to him. kanade tries to shake the thought off and deny it by multiple times. though.. it was obvious how kanade seemed to love chatting with mika, and how kanade was the nicest to mika. it was also obvious how kanade kept looking at how mika and shu talked with eachother, feeling a teeny tiny bit of envy. …why hasnt kanade’s heart stopped beating ever since they arrived?

….i wonder if he genuinely cares about me.

—

kanade and mika soon have entered the mall, they escalated to the fifth floor to check out the new clothes stores. the stores range from hair accessories, to multiple choices of fashion. mika was definitely excited to check the stores out, taking kanade’s hand to check those stores out. kanade was startled by the sudden action, but didnt mind one bit.they both started checking out the accessories store. there were bracelets, hairclips, extensions, and some hairbands.

“ …oh, hey. “ kanade said, picking up the multiple purple hairclips. “ …i feel like this would suit you well, mikarin. i wanna see you wearing it, maybe… “ kanade kept their neutral expression that they always have on their face, but its obvious their expression seemed a bit more happy than usual. “ oohh.. i mean.. i don’ know if this will suit me… but if kanade-chan says so, ill try it on fer ya ! “ mika immediately clips on the hairclips, showing it to kanade after hes done clipping it to their hair.

“ how do i look, kanade-chan? “ mika looked at kanade with a wide grin.“ …you.. you look really great, actually.. “ kanade says. “ …im actually kind of jealous of how nice you look.. “ mika became giddy hearing it, but he grabbed kanade’s shoulder and looked at them with a serious expression. “ nggah.. but ya look so good wearin’ anythin’.. “ you can basically hear the frown and adoration in his voice. but truly, nobody can replicate how pretty you are…

kanade eyes widened, as they became red at the words of mika. kanade then paid for mika’s accessory, lovingly dragging mika out of the store. they looked down on the floor from the gaps of the floor. there was an aquarium. kanade was curious to check it out. “ ..ohh.. hey, theres an aquarium. do you maybe… wanna go check it out?? “ “ really?! i would love ta-!“ once kanade heard his answer, they immediately started running with their hand interlaced with mika’s.

“ nggahh?! s..slow down, kanade-chan-! "

—

kanade and mika are now in the aquarium. it was a dark place, but weirdly something in the sea made everything shaded blue. there was only a few people to be seen, weird. they were both met with adorable sea creatures swimming around the water, ranging from colorful to dull colors. they both felt nice. kanade places their hand on the glass of the water tank. it was truly beautiful… mika giggled at the sight. “ hehe.. yer really happy today, huh? “

“ …well, its not my fault the fishes looks cute. “ kanade said, staring into the distance. they slowly wondered, about something. “ …hey, if i was a fish, would you think im beautiful? “ kanade asked mika, tilting their head in curiosity for mika’s answer.

“ mmm… well.. i think yer pretty in every way-! “ mika then looked at kanade, they were shaded with a light blue, because they were so close to the glass. he felt like he saw something.. truly mesmerizing. he went red at the sight, becoming unresponsive. kanade looked weirdly beautiful under the shade. kanade then placed a hand infront of mika, shaking it. “ …hello? earth to.. mikarin? “ mika snapped out of it, and started stammering and almost falling back. “ n..nggah.. s..sorry, ya just looked so.. “ mika suddenly wraps his arms around them, burying his face into their neck. kanade was startled, but slowly hugs him back.

nothin’ could match yer beauty, not even the fishies..

—

soon, the clock on kanade’s phone turned 09:57 to 16:39, not noticing how the sky has faded into a warm orange. kanade and mika were walking along the streets, talking a lot to eachother.“ hehe, today was super fun! i love spendin’ time with ya, kanade-chan.. i miss the feeling a lot. “ mika smiled wide. kanade suddenly stops in their tracks, making mika suprised and looked back at kanade. “ …eh? kanade-chan, why did ya suddenly stop..? “

kanade seems to be spacing off, suddenly looking a little numb. there was a bit of sadness in their eyes as they stared into the distance, but they slowly diverted their eyes on the ground on the left. today was kinda windy, so all clothes were moving to the direction of the air pressure. both of mika and kanade’s hair were flowing through the air. they soon made eye contact with mika. it was like nothing exists besides them.

“ …hey, mikarin.. can you promise that we’ll be close together forever..? ….for everything to be the same as always..? “ kanade asked to mika, mika was a little suprised by the sudden request. “ ..eh? kanade-chan, why are ya suddenly saying stuff like that..? “

“ … “ kanade looked away once again, there was a silence between them for a few seconds, before mika started speaking. “ …i dunno if we ar’ gonna stay together like this.. but.. ill do my best to keep this way! “ mika holds both of kanades hands again. “ c’mon! lets go talk a lil’ at my dorm! ritsu-kun wont mind. “ mika then walked with kanade to ensemble square. there was a slight smile on kanade’s face, before walking with him. ‘maybe it was jus’ my imagination..’

i'll be here with you. always and forever.

[ethernetmeep]

attended graduation. surprisingly cried less than i was anticipating, at least during the event. cried a bit afterwards, mix of realization & fear of not being able to get home safely. i did, luckily… my mother eventually came. wore a suit & tie, specifically the tie my friend gifted to me. heated up like a car in front of the sun. brought a drink since i knew if i didnt id maybe faint because of heat exhaustion. more likely nausea.

sat with an acquaintance, rambled to her. felt sick during most of the ceremony. almost puked, uh… three times. nerves hit like a brick wall. literally. nauseous because of nervousness. wanted to yell & holler but i dont have the voice for that. simple quiet ‘yay’ syllables had to suffice. brought sheldon & wiffle & chiquitito. gave chiquitito a bath before i left. got ready an hour or so early. sat outside & looked at birds in the meantime

in an ideal world i am very smart & funny & talented & talk to everyone & perfect. in an ideal world i dont get so worried my body physically shuts down. in an ideal world, i would be able to say something as simple as, “oh my gosh, i’m so happy for you! take care!” without bile festering. i try to live in this ideal world, try to be the best i can, but ive learned this is really really hard for me to do because frankly i am quite stupid. i know this is a haha funny joke 70% of the time but if i actually start gagging on nothing i know it’s probably a bad sign and i should stop overworking myself lest i actually do puke. it would not be very appealing to throw up in front of a plethora of my peers & their families. god…..

don’t even.. don’t.

[head in hands]

fine. FOR THE SAKE OF JOURNALISM! nothing else.

“I FUCKING— I HATE THEM. SO MUCH. I’M SORRY, I KNOW THATS MEAN—“

mother & other party member: “ITS NOT MEAN.”

[still reeling from remnants of stomach acid (as i did not eat anything in the morning when i took my meds which probably doesnt help this, although i didnt wanna eat then puke up whatever food it was i ate there either)] “I’M JUST— UGH! I’M SO FUCKING, I’M SO MAD.”

snippet of conversation. back seat with extra space just because. emotional & still nauseous. almost cry on the way home because of these weird things called human emotions, tears only well up; don’t actually fall. ramble to a man who knows a lot of people. miscellaneous conversations follow, like the one where i ask him if he can do anything about my favorite teacher being laid off. he says he’ll try. he…. how do i say this… knows… many individuals…. hes nice, slowly grown more used to his presence. i think if i cried with tears and snot long enough he’d be able to do many things, which is crazy & absurd but genuinely accurate. scarily accurate.

home, sitting outside & watching birds feed from the bird feeder. emptied it while i was gone. northern flicker, blue jay, blue-capped chickadee, common grackle, tufted titmouse… a wide variety. sprinkle some seeds on the ground for both squirrels & robins since they seem to not use the bird feeder much. robin right in front of me now, actually [was when i was typing this sentence]

i only made one note / doodle in my notebook during the event, but with words written & context applied its maybe better i don’t share it. saying…. heated words….. from a person that dislikes being rude unless someone is genuinely vile, is not as vague as one thinks they are. still, its pretty funny to imagine me being violent… slap thing was genuinely the first time i ever put my hands on someone like that

anyway, now theres three grackles near my bird feeder. two underneath. they’re so cute its almost upsetting, except its not. its quite nice to feel less alone

something something hi there something something oh hey i said everything now. i should probably lay down before my stomach gets worse

really happy i went, though. wouldn’t miss it for the world

[solarrene]

Home Again

Jason Todd x Plus Size reader

Death, grief, loss

Chapter Four

Grief can only bring people closer together or further apart from each other.

Mourning in the Lovely Morning to Night's End

Warmth blossoming in her. Y/N laid a hand on her chest, creasing her shirt as she gripped it. Tugging in her heart that she feels.

"Alfred..." She said in such a quiet voice. The said man didn't reply but tipped his head, waiting for her to continue. "I...I'm happy...thank you." Her voice now a bit louder but still soft. Saying those words, it seemed so easy and how simple the meaning was normally, but it felt so heavy for her.

"As I am, my dear." Alfred spoke, finishing his work in the sink. He laid his hands on the edge of the counter, letting out a deep breath, "As I am."

Doubt, was what both they're feeling under the growing stems of happiness they feel. And he knew to never be guilty of it, at least with time and time of loss, he learned that. Her, however....

He walked to her and laid his hand on her shoulder. "She'd be glad that you are." Y/N's breathing started to shake as she feels her jaw hurt as well. With weakness in her arms, she clung to his side, Alfred leans onto her and kissed her hair. "Never forget that." He whispered.

She promised she'll try.

------------------

Jason found himself back in the manor just after the little work he did with his brother. In the kitchen that is. Opening the fridge and looked for the pastries of Y/N, at least no one was in the said place to tease him about it. Because heavens forbid, he liked it so much and he wanted to eat it again and maybe steal a little bit more so he could eat it in his apartment-

"Didn't think you'd be back this soon, Master Jason." He was so thankful he only thought about stealing those and hadn't been caught in doing it. Jason closed the container as he took a scone from it.

"Neither did I." He replied simply, placing the container back in the fridge. Alfred did have a knack for appearing in situations at a certain time. Jason leaned on the counter, thinking of what to say. Alfred sits himself on a chair, thinking as well.

"What is bothering you?" Alfred asks. Though, Jason's....fret wasn't clear as day, his lingering silence towards their beloved valet did not go unnoticed, and there Alfred felt it.

Jason shakes his head, laughing, "You always know." Not that he was bothered by it, it was always rather agreeing to him; reassuring.

He looked down, chewing slowly on his food. Guilt rising in him once again. He was against of Y/N staying with them and he was sure from his hesitancy, it was shown. From Alfred's sullen looks, moments of him and her that he seen, her genuine smiles and laughs; guilt gnawed in him each time.

"I'm sorry..." Jason spoke, swallowing hardly. He sighed and laid his weight heavier against the counter.

Ah, Alfred figured, "There is no reason to be." Jason could have scoffed but he didn't, instead he released a sharp breath. He would say that, of course. "I did say those words, didnt I? What hesitations and frustrations you've felt is understandable. I know you mean well, my boy."

"I know... I just wanted to say it." Jason muttered, finishing the food in his hand. Maybe now that he said it, now that Alfred heard him clearly—maybe a little of that guilt went away. He finally looks at him, "...How are you?"

Alfred smiles, there his boy was. "It gets heavier each day, but that has always been grief, hasn't it?" No matter how many times they've been hit, it still always come new to them. More painful than it already is. "But the more heavy it gets even so...I've learned that grief always has been love with nowhere to go...yet, somehow you'll find out as well you can put that love somewhere special still."

Jason remained quiet for a few seconds, nodding as he listened. From his own and some, he had learn something like that between those lines before...

"Seeing you with her, Y/N...I'm glad she's with you." Jason acknowledged. Now that he's think about it again, if he had been more blatantly against the decision, what has unfolded the last days wouldn't have happened. Okay, maybe the little bit of guilt that went away earlier came back creeping in.

His lips curved again, feeling more than glad to hear those words from him. "I am too," Alfred answered as he stood up from his sit. He walks to the kitchen cabinets, pulling out a brown paper bag from a box of it. He walks to the fridge and pulled out the containers of the pastries they ate earlier.

Jason laughed as he turned himself in front of the counter, "Guess I've been caught." As he watch Alfred place more than enough of pieces in the bag.

"It would appear so." Alfred puts the bag in front of him, dismissing the boy's remarks, more than incline to provide. "How was your work with Master Richard?" He asks.

Now Jason scoffed, "Annoying," the words of his brother ringing in his ears. He turns his head, shaking off the thought.

Alfred hums, not expecting the less from both of them. "It went well then," knowing it did as to why he seems rather not his distressed aura. "Well, I best be getting somewhere" He walks out of the kitchen and Jason nods. Then he stopped when he was at the door, looking back to the said man, "Jason," he called.

If it were a different time, he would have been worried if he heard his name out from Alfred's mouth. "Thank you." Alfred spoke, gentle gaze to the boy.

Jason gripped the edge of the counter, his heart faltering all of a sudden. The pride swelling in him still manages to be bested by the guilt that lies. He said nothing but smiled and nodded. Left alone now, he sighed loudly as he threw his head back.

"Goddamn...." he dragged as he walk. He supposed he could have a little bit of time out in the garden, he needed it much.

He should have just headed out the manor and drove off. He stopped as he saw Y/N sitting on one of the few chairs made of stone.

Without making a sound, he turned around and started to walk away. Looking up at the sky, silently cursing to it.

He just had to be there.

"Fuck," he whispered as he stopped walking. He shook his head, jaw clenching, "Fuck it." Well, at least Grayson didn't went back to the manor, he didn't need to worry about his brother then.

Before he made himself known to Y/N, she already had felt a presence behind her and turned around—making her flinch and winced a little loud. "Oh my god," Y/N laughed, clutching her chest. "Shit, this is the third time this morning." She rasped out, her smile wide.

Jason cursed at himself again, he didn't want to scare her but did anyway. Though, he couldn't stop the curving of his lips as he stares at her laughing. "Very frightful, huh?" he mused, repeating her words from earlier. He sits himself making sure there were distance to them.

"I wasn't kidding," she shakes her head, her laugh dying down but still her face was bright. Jason chuckled, "No shit," Y/N looked at him with one eyebrow raised but rolled her eyes and turned her gaze again to the wide garden—Jason smiled.

Silence sat between them.

Might as well go with it.

"How are you?" Jason went straight to it, he really was proud of that one, he'd snort if it weren't for the serious atmosphere that came suddenly.

She hums, pulling up her knees to her chest and fixed her skirt as she put her chin on top of her knees, sighing, "Far better than what one usually should be feeling when they lost their mother." Y/N closed her eyes, regretting she said that and laid her face down to her knees.

Jason blinked, not expecting the answer but before he could speak, "Sorry...it just came out like that...but that's the truth, I suppose." Y/N spoke, looking ahead again. She didn't exactly want to dodge the question or the ones that she guesses will come. She did felt genuineness.in his concern anyway.

"And it bothers you," Jason concluded, understanding the tone from her own words. Y/N nodded but stayed silent after--he waited for her. He might have to agree with her on that one; again, he had never seen someone smile and laugh so much after losing someone they love, the thought intrigues him yet again.

"What I said on the jet is all true...I have been crying, night by night ever since but that's just it, when the day comes it's as if I'm almost fine. I don't know...it just comes naturally to me," Y/N trailed off, she hugged her knees tighter. "Guess I got that from my mother," she huffed out, her lips curving. She sighed again, now looking up at the sky with eyes closed, trying to sort out her mind.

"I'm angry, hurt...I miss her but at the same time I don't feel empty as much...I'm moved by the love from my people, I'm happy Alfred is with me, I'm happy about the breakfast we just shared earlier...I feel full more than empty, overflowing, honestly...It's just...I feel as though I'm not grieving enough." She finished, now putting her knees down again and hunched her arms down on the stone. "And what I said again last time, I've never felt grief before...I suppose it tells much of my dilemma over this." Added her.

Jason took in her words. After the whole of his little brother conversing with Y/N about her state, he wasn't surprised she opened up again—she gave quite the impression to be that kind of person. In fact, he was rather pleased she was so easy about it, for a stranger to share as much to them...to him, he appreciates that.

Kind....that's what he'd say about her. She's kind, that's what he would have said to his brother now—although he'll surely no doubt might punch Grayson if he teases him of it again...he doesn't regret what he answered the first time.

"Death hits us never the same," words she said before uttered by him this time as he looks up at the sky. He knows well of that statement, among others and him we're the living example. Jason breathed out a chuckle.

Y/N turns her stare to him, smiling a little, the same warmth crawling in her again. She let out a deep breath, untensing her body as she tore off her gaze to him.

"....Your mother...she'd be glad that you're doing well, don't let your guilt prevent you from being so." He honestly feels like a hypocrite but at least those were genuine words. Seriously, him and his family needs to take their own advices more better.

Y/N laughed a little, brushing her hands through her hair, "Alfred told me the same earlier,"

He did as well, "Not surprising..." A smile found its way to him, remembering what the said beloved man told him just earlier too. "...Grief has always been love with nowhere to go...but at some point, you'll find a special place for it even," He spoke, taking a beat of silence before shaking his head, grinning and looked to her. "Those were from him...he always has the wisest thing to say."

"Yes, he does," uttered her, she leaned her elbows on her knees, and caressed her face. "That's very beautiful...thank you." She murmured, feeling the tugging in her heart again from the words.

Jason's breath hitched, caught off guard from the sudden mellow of her aura. "It..it was from Alfred, anyway," he stammered as he looked away and rubbed his neck. He rolled his eyes as he closed them, annoyed at himself.

"Thank you still," regaining her composure, feeling herself become more at ease again. "Your sincere presence and bearing with my....misery had done much." Y/N declared, nothing but the want to be true to her feelings and thoughts.

His one hand clenching and unclenching, well at least she wasn't looking at him...he was not sure if he'd be able to handle the situation anymore. "I'd bear it again anytime." Words flew from his damn mouth before he could think again.

Y/N giggled, a hand on her mouth, eyeing him. Jason pursed his lips, quite slouching. "Well, I'd be very honored then," she smiled.

Jason felt his heart tighten, this is what he almost had prevented.

Throwing away the thought, he returned the smile, "You should be," with one eyebrow raised as he looked down on her, getting back his usual slick tone.

She released a disbelief scoff, "Aren't you the most humble gentleman ever," returning his tone, a playful grin tipping from the end of it.

"Don't you know it," he spoke, smirking. He really was proud of that one again.

Y/N laughed, shaking her head as she stood up from their place—Jason did the same. Her eyes found the paper bag he was now holding, a look of question from her face.

Jason saw it and huffed, "Uh..it's your pastries, just came back for them, honestly," he admitted and he can swear that he saw light in her eyes.

She had to purse her lips to prevent herself from smiling widely. "Well...I'm lucky that I made them good enough to make you do that, if it wasn't for that, I don't think we'd have this conversation." Y/N concluded, her hands pressed together as she pieced what she was saying. Ever so happy she was someone was enamored by her creations again—let alone by the man who had caught her eyes since yesterday.

"Something like that, huh?" And he was glad that he did.

"I should leave you now then," she started as they walk nearer to the exit of the garden. "It was very lovely to meet you, Jason." Y/N says as she starts to part to the other away from him.

"Anytime," he nodded, watching her walk her way back to the manor. Breathing from his mouth, he was aware of the warmth spreading through him, and he allows it freely.

A smile on Y/N's face as she makes her way back in, feeling the pieces of her strained self heal even if it's a little bit; it was something and it was a lot already.

------------

Alfred laid down the tray on the table, making himself comfortable in the library as the quiet hours of Saturday afternoon passed by. With a teacup in his hand, he was sat beside the big windows of the room, with the view of the garden upfront, sun beaming down.

Sighing after he drank from his cup, "I miss you," murmured him and leaned back on the chair, easing his maintained composure. Heavy and light at the same time in him as his mind paints the memories of his dear friend. He feels his heart pound deeply despite his drinking of the calming tea he made.

"You don't mind me interrupting your quiet time, do you?" The voice of Bruce and knockings on the door was heard. His frame leaning on the entrance of the room, fond gaze to Alfred.

Alfred turned to him and huffed, "Have I ever minded, Master Bruce?"

Bruce laughed as he walked to his place, "Nothing comes to my mind," said Bruce while shaking his head, agreeing with Alfred. He sat in front of Alfred, loosening his tie and the cuffs of his shirt, sighing. Relieved he was able to free himself of his duties for a few hours. Wanting to be there at the moment they were in, wanting to fulfill his duties as not only as a father but as a friend, and as a son.

Alfred was looking out the window, stare and mind far ahead, melancholia bleeding out from him, Bruce feels it too clearly. "How are you?"

"Disheartened still but I'm never too near from the edge," Alfred starts, closing his eyes, still seeing light behind it from the shine of the sun—he imagines Amelia to be there at the end of it. "I miss her."

Bruce didn't say anything but looked to the window as well, words failing him at the moment. Leaning back to his chair, minutes of silence passed by until he broke it, "Tell me about her."

Alfred smiled, finding joy at the request. He opened his mouth, thinking of what to say, unsure of where to start, "...When I showed her a picture of when you were in your adolescent years, she said that you were a very handsome boy and will grow into a finer man, no doubt because I'm by your side, she says." He spoke, trying to hear her gushing voice of excitement again—he grips the cup tight suddenly as he did, not entirely sure whether he regrets doing so.

"Then...I hope I'm not a disappointment to that," Bruce chuckled, flattered.

"No, you excelled rather." Alfred declares.

Even in trying times among himself, he never had fail to still lend assurance to his people, truly, Alfred was that kind of person. "And as she said, only because you're there for me." Bruce hopes to pay that back wholeheartedly.

Alfred laid his teacup back on the tray, his gaze staying on it for a few seconds, sighing, "Amelia longed for a simple life...she made sure to give that to Y/N beautifully and that she did, despite it was only her and her friends, she still pulled through well." Alfred tells, pride and admiration in his voice for his friend. Always and always pride for his people.

Bruce remembered Y/N's words about her mother, life fulfilled. What a way to have lived....a hope in him to someday wish for something like that.

"A good mother, huh," Bruce replied. Much was seen enough already for that to be said. Bruce was in awe, that he feels in him.

"A great one." Alfred muttered .

Alfred leaned back on the chair, regaining his composure then, "I'll be okay, Bruce," said him as he was met with the sad eyes of his boy, smiling a little. "I will be."

Bruce stared at Alfred who was now looking outside the windows again, ".....We'll be okay."

That he declared as fatal.

------------

With a loud sigh, Jason stepped down on a rooftop. Both hands on his waist with eyes closed and his head down. Frustrated and annoyed, he was sure it was obvious to them.

If he wasn't so tired already, he would have sighed again or groaned, knowing he wasn't alone anymore.

"You've been too quiet tonight," Bruce spoke behind his son. Although, Bruce was much far away from him on their patrol, he had felt something was off with the said child. His usual remarks, tones of sarcasm, acts of defiance was not to be seen present; he, of course, had to be sure.

"Shouldn't you be grateful?" Jason retorted, rolling his eyes.   

Bruce said nothing but waited for him to speak. Jason sighed; persistence did run in them anyway, or stubbornness, perhaps. The two of it go quite well with each other.

Jason walked until he was at the edge, awhile taking off his gears from his face, he stepped his right foot on it and leaned his body down on it. The view of the dark city, filled with fogs and lights.

"I apologized to Alfred earlier....for a moment it helped ease my guilt," he started. Shaking his head and with a click of his tongue, "For a moment anyway..."  

"After that. I saw Y/N....she told me about her being glad she's with Alfred...being here but that she can't help but feel guilty about it...I guess I consoled her," he trailed off but the he scoffed after, "Fucking ironic, I know." Though, he was glad he spoke something that maybe helped at least.

Bruce squint his eyes at him from his curse but set it aside. 

"I can't help but think if I had objected to it more, she wouldn't be here.... Alfred would have probably been lonely and who knows what Y/N would have felt...or do." Jason lets out.

"But she's here now anyway," Bruce replied, not finding any reason why they should dwell on that, though he gets why Jason does. "And from what I can tell, if she knew the reason why, she'd understand too.... and I know enough that you've been kind to her." He assures.

Jason remained quiet, he didn't find the need to say anything otherwise to his father's words.

Besides the guilt, Bruce understood what his son was feeling, it was no wonder what and why he was feeling it. He was going through almost the same thing after all; Death and mothers, much of it. Memories and memories resurfacing.

Grateful would be the word, that he was. Bruce's heart swells with relief and thankfulness for Jason. It had always been foreseen that Jason wasn't entirely blessed to have parents that can qualify even enough for a child. Sure the lot of them had done "enough" but it was undeniable that Jason had been in more pain than comfort to which a mother and father should give to a child. He's grateful because despite of it all, he still tries, he's still kind. He was given a chance again to be his father.

Bruce walks towards beside him, eyes on the view of their city. Taking off his cowl, he breathes, "I am grateful, Jason. I always am."

Jason prepared himself for what's to come again....he honestly doesn't know anymore if he can take much more of this today, the past few days for that matter; emotions and emotions...

"We've been reconciling still over all these years and the fact that you let me in the first place after what we've been through, what you've been through...the fact that you try...is so much more than I deserve," Jason stares at his father, though Bruce doesn't—he was aware of it. Even though Bruce hadn't been too vocal about his whole thoughts about it, only from rare moments he did, Jason had always felt it was there, like an unspoken agreement...but hearing it clearly from him again like anew, it's a breathe of relief. "I don't think I can ever be grateful enough." He now looks at Jason and there the view of his son that he always longed to gaze upon; tenderness.

Jason turned his gaze on the view again but closing his eyes for a second, "Wouldn't have it any other way." Jason unveiled.

Bruce smiled.

"I know we've talked about it before we went to London but I want to know...how are you doing?" Bruce asked, knowing it hasn't been easy for him, or for everyone of them, honestly.

"Still here, I guess...haven't had any attacks so far." Jason huffed out. Bruce nodded but didn't reply after that, unsure if he should continue to ask what's on his mind.

"All this whole deal...makes us thinks of the same thing, huh? Dead parents and all that." Jason spoke, chuckling a little. A bit dark, but then again they've been in so much worse situations.

"I suppose it does." Bruce agrees, there was no lie in that. Taking a beat, "Do you think of them?" He finally asked.

Jason breathes, feeling his body finally tire from all the day and night has given him, he stands properly and raked his hair. "Sometimes, sometimes I miss.... Catherine, sometimes I think of.... Sheila-" Jason can feel the weight of their names from his whole body, "Sometimes I think of all what could have been, sometimes I mourn for that...sometimes...I mourn for them still." He spoke of his truth. He hadn't expect for him to be pouring out something, let alone to his father, but he supposed to hell with it. "Again, I wouldn't have what we had and have any other way. I wouldn't trade one second of time with you. Not a single one."

Bruce felt his heart drown in joy.

"Do you think of them?" Jason asked.

Bruce smiled a little, "I always do and I miss them everyday."

Jason smiled for the first time in the night. How could he not when he heard the bliss in his father's voice.  There they stood watching the distant lights of the city.

"You know...Alfred told me that Amelia said I'd grow into a finer man because Alfred is with me," Bruce started and Jason snorted—Bruce prevented a laugh. "I said I hope I'm not a disappointment to that and he only replied that I excelled rather," Bruce shakes his head, his hand grazing his face, "I doubt that." He admits.

Fatherhood, he had always felt it was like a race, it didn't matter what; an engine, or even a damn horse, or his own feet running, he always saw himself to be at the last with no finish line. Like a burnout student with expectations even for God's sake, trying and trying to meet those expectations but always feeling as if he only meets half of it.

Jason looks at Bruce, he can feel his uncertainty, his gaze softened and laughed mentally. Ah, stubbornness or rather questioning must run in their family. Like children, they go in circles.

Jason breathes out a chuckle, "We should really learn how to take our own words seriously better,"

Bruce didn't stop his laugh this time.

Jason stops for a moment before speaking again. "You try, Bruce, you always do, wholeheartedly. That's what makes you excel...That's what makes our....reconciling....worthwhile." He declared in a calm but firm voice. He found himself sitting on the ground, back leaned against the edge; tired. Surprisingly, Bruce does the same.

"I'm relieved you think that," spoke Bruce, staring at the sky. Jason thinks the same.

Silence made itself known once again.

"Bruce." Jason said, finding the right words, he closed his eyes for a second. "Nothing bad can happen to her, nothing." Tone heavy. Bruce stayed silent. Just like that, the air turned thick. Both aware of their duties, of what's right.

"She cannot be tied to this...to us." Jason states again. Regret almost in his voice...almost. A plead rather, that's what was in his voice. Be it a warning, a reminder—Jason not only hinted that to Bruce but to himself as well.

"That I promise you." Bruce swore.

For the first time again after all the sufferings he's been through, he found himself holding onto his father's hope.

"Come home tonight, Jason." Bruce stands up from the ground and offered his hand to him.

With no hesitations, Jason held his father's hand and stood in front of him. "I will."

And together they went home.

---------------

Y/N found herself walking through the hallways of the manor in the quiet night. Dim lights through it all. She shakes her head, irritated at herself for not being able to sleep.

Turning on the lights in the kitchen as she went in, she started to prepare herself a tea. In the middle of it, at least she thought; felt a presence and didn't expect for her to be right, with Bruce just going in the room, just as she turned around—she jumped. "Oh my god." She yelled in a whisper with both of her hands on her chest, heart pounding loudly and with a look of wide eyes to him.

Bruce looked worried for her and felt too sorry but the curling of his lips couldn't be prevented as Y/N started to laugh, her head falling on the counter and shoulders shaking from her fit. "I apologize....are you alright?" He walked in front of her across from the counter.

"Please..." Y/N with a strained voice as her laugh still continues, she supposed she could have a little bit of shame in front of someone like him but it was too funny for her. "This is the fourth time today, Alfred, Damian, Jason, and now you. Either this problem of mine is really bad, or something must run in your family." She spoke, finding the need to breathe in the middle of it as she continued to laugh.

Bruce huffed out and grinned at her, "I think it runs in the family,"  It really does, that he was very sure of.

"Clearly." Y/N retorted as her laughs finally started to die down. Collecting herself, "Would you like some tea?"

Bruce nodded and sat on the stool, "Couldn't sleep?"

"I guess so," she replied as she prepared another cup for him, "You?"

"Couldn't either but I suppose that's normal," said Bruce. Y/N looks at the clock in the room, 1:10 AM, she raised her eyebrows at him, "normal, huh?"

Bruce chuckled, "Unfortunately," he actually didn't want to sleep yet rather, after he and Jason went back, he busied himself in the batcave and in his study and rarely he does; take a moment to step out of his usual zone. That's when he saw the kitchen lights and silent noises coming from it. He first thought it was Tim, sneaking another coffee to drink.

"How are you?" He asked. Bruce feels glad he didn't sense uneasiness from her anymore.

Y/N took the hot water from the fire and poured it in to their cups, smiling as she recalled her morning, "Thankfully...I'm doing good." Nodding while making their tea. Her time with Jason that morning helped her clear her mind, it helped her comfort herself better. "I have no doubt once in a while, I'll be in pain, that's to be expected anyway....but I don't know....I just...I just feel.....okay." She trailed off, finally done and slid the teacup to Bruce.

He muttered a small thank you and listened to her words. "That's good to know," he said before drinking his tea. "You're strong, Y/N...only a few people can be how you are after something like that happened." Bruce says truthfully. He credits her resolves that much.

Y/N sighed, nodding slowly and played with the rim of her cup. "Only because I think I have it easier," shaking her head, almost to herself in a quiet voice, "I'm very lucky." Y/N bit her lip as she feels her jaw start to hurt, tears gathering in her eyes. Gratitude, the thought of it all; the comfort of her people, the welcoming hands of Alfred's people. The love of her mother, overwhelms her again. It finally comes crashing down to her. She blinked and her tears fell, she looked down and chuckled lightly. "I'm sorry-"

Bruce shook his head and gave her an assuring gaze. Breathing gently, her chest flinching as she tries to calm her sobs down. "It's just that...I...I feel so lucky...thankful that I do feel okay. I've been given nothing but kindness these past few days, it just dawned on me." Y/N vented out, a hand on the side of her head awhile she still feels the tears forming again. She did her best to look at Bruce in the eyes, ignoring that she probably looks like a mess right now. "You have done nothing but been kind to me and I just want to say thank you again."

Bruce smiled softly and squinted his eyes at her, "It's nothing. I'm just glad to know you're doing well." He cannot deny the satisfaction he feels in him from hearing her words, his family provided a part of comfort to her.

If Dick was here, he'd be voicing out a 'Bruce, no.' because he'd probably see the look on Bruce's face that he knew too familiar of.

"Your mother would be glad that you're doing well." He assured her.

Y/N sighed, wiping her tears away and smiled. "Hm...Alfred and Jason said the same." The both of them figures the day went in a circle for them, filled with reassurance.

"Only the truth." Yes, she supposed she realizes that now.

"You have a beautiful family." Y/N proclaimed. Bruce leaned his elbows on the counter, in a murmur, "Yes...I do." Thinking of them, he huffs, "I feel lucky as much as you do."

He hopes they know he feels that.

"Well, I hope for you that they know." To agree with him wouldn't be right, for her at least or probably anyone, she didn't know enough after all. But to hope that sentiment was right was what she could do, much like him, she saw the caring of a father. "Nothing I want more." He voiced out.

Y/N nods before yawning suddenly, covering her mouth—she chuckled, feeling her eyes tire. "I should be going then," as she stepped off the stool.

"I should too. I wouldn't want Alfred to find me and see his disappointed face again." Bruce stepped off the stool as well and chugged down his remaining drink, while Y/N's remain untouched, still holding on to it to bring it to her room. 

"Yes, yes, I wouldn't  be surprised if that happens too may times." Y/N laughed as they walked out of the kitchen before turning off the lights.

Bruce chuckled, "It does."

They were met with silence as they went on to walk through the long hallways; hearts rather full and not exhausted. As they reached the middle of the staircase, near from parting. Y/N huffed, her lips curling, "I...Jason is very kind..." she spoke. Y/N had felt the need to say it. 

Bruce stares at nothing with his gaze melting at the soft words and he stares at her, he sees the same look. "He's lovely," though she was looking down, Bruce caught that look as she smiled to herself.

A realization. Bruce bids sorry for he felt the need to break his promise to Jason. In his millions of hopes, within the short second of time; he paints the future for his son: a life fulfilled, the love he deserves. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

💌🖋️: thx for bearing with this shit 💗

[cowboybuckleys]

i didnt like hearing mack call kim “mom” so soon in 9x15. i think it would have made more sense if she called adam “dad” before she called kim “mom” because she already had a mom she was close to before and she never had a dad.

idk if these are from the same person or i’ve blogged something that ppl are just now seeing and ppl are genuinely curious about my opinion on a super similar topic.. but the messages came in nearly back to back, so i’m gonna answer both here :)

i’m probably the only one who feels this way, but i disagree that Adam should’ve gotten dad first or that it was too soon for Kim to be called mom because she remembers her mom and didn’t really have a dad. fwiw, my family is dealing with a similar issue with my niece trying to understand how to address her step dad now that he’s adopted her and my nephew. everyone in this fucking family seems to have an opinion without asking the kids what they want and it's honestly fucking dumb but that's a whole other story lol. i would say to Mack what i said to her— a new parent in your life doesn’t cancel out the love or memories you have of the parent who has passed away, but you can also call multiple people mom and dad at the same time. hell, if all your parents are alive, you can call as many people mom or dad if that’s how you see them. if anything, having extra people to love and care for you and make you feel safe and happy is what the parent you’ve lost would have wanted. it's what any parent wants. and there’s no timeline or goalpost on when you should start calling someone mom or dad. and anyone who tries to force you to say something one way or the other is gonna get to have a not so fun conversation with me about respecting your decision and your boundaries on the subject matter.

and well, yeah that last part doesn’t apply here obviously cos it’s all opinion in fandom and that’s totally fine and valid lol, but i would gladly say that to anyone who is wrestling with something similar in their own life. the argument of ‘well she had a mom but didn’t have a dad, so—' doesn’t hold up for me. it's not a statement i love hearing when talking about blended families cos there's no common qualifiers for how or why someone decides those things and lumping all situations like that under one umbrella is not my favorite thing that fandoms do.. it's actually one of my biggest frustrations with how blended families are talked about in a lot of fandoms.. but my headcanon that they all celebrated BOTH of Mack’s moms for mother’s day is accurate until the show explicitly tells me otherwise because i can't fathom that Kim would be mad about that.

i do think, narratively, where they had Mack call Adam dad was pretty fucking perfect. for a show that gets relationships wrong A LOT, this one was always a safe spot for me. i knew that Mack would look at Adam as her dad and i had hoped we’d eventually get burzek on good terms again, but to hear her say it like for her it was never and has never been in question felt like the right choice. it was not a throw away line, it was very much meant to mean something doing it in that moment in that way. because it sure as shit was in question for all the adults in the room and i think that it needed to be addressed. i don’t necessarily think it needed to be said sooner because it was always just a matter of when Mack would say it. thank god that poor kid didn’t have to parent trap those two idiots tho lol.

my only real expectation for that moment was that it had to be during this season. for all the build up, for all the arguments, for all the pushing each other away, that moment had to be before the season ended. and it had to be Mack's doing. i would like to hear Kim say something like "you're her dad", sure, but for me it was always about when Mack would say it.