#i misread that as bread

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

ROSE: The issue with existence is that existing in the world requires existing in a body. In that sense, one's body is very similar to one's universe. We are trapped in our bodies in the same way that we are trapped in the world.

DAVE: the world is about to have its breasts sliced off

[festivalfoxes]

husband keeps affectionately giving me shit for continuously viewing senshi as 'basically a normal guy.' i simply cannot internalize anything she says to the contrary. it's normal to opt out of society because you feel weird and uncomfortable in the presence of others. it's normal to spend solitary decades in the wilderness. it's normal to only break that solitude and interact with other people because they are doing a bad job at your area of expertise and you can help them. it's normal to not say shit about yourself ever. normal guy.

[glitteringaglarond]

'Well, here is the strangest riddle that we have yet found!' exclaimed Legolas. 'A bound prisoner escapes both from the Orcs and from the surrounding horsemen. He then stops, while still in the open, and cuts his bonds with an orc-knife. But how and why? For if his legs were tied, how did he walk? And if his arms were tied, how did he use the knife? And if neither were tied, why did he cut the cords at all? Being pleased with his skill, he then sat down and quietly ate some waybread! That at least is enough to show that he was a hobbit, without the mallorn-leaf. After that, I suppose, he turned his arms into wings and flew away singing into the trees. It should be easy to find him: we only need wings ourselves!'

I love Legolas so much 😂

[everymlmhybrid]

My coworkers all scared the fuck out of me every single one that saw me shopping went "don't you work tonight?" NOOOOOO LEAVE ME ALONE

[cosmocove]

making plans is weird

[dreameffectss]

I really hope I wasn't the only one who kept misreading "bead brawl" as "bread bowl"...... maybe I've just been playing this event when I was really hungry lmao

[writingwithfolklore]

Punctuation Rules

Punctuation is like the very last thing I actively think about when writing something (what's the point of fixing the punctuation of a sentence you'll end up taking out or editing anyway?) but it is still an important step!

Having proper punctuation increases your credibility and the overall quality of your work. Also, it’s doubly important in professional work, emails, and resumes. With that, let’s get into it!

Commas

We use them all the time. We get them wrong all the time. There are six rules for where you can use commas:

Use to separate items in a list or series:

The book was long, tedious, and painful.

The comma after tedious is called the Oxford’s comma. Feel free to debate if you need it in the reblogs, but you won’t get in trouble professionally if you use it or leave it out (in most cases.) It always comes before ‘and’ in a list to prevent confusion of the items:

I ran into my mother, my best friend and a scientist. (1 person?)

Is very different from

I ran into my mother, my best friend, and a scientist. (3 people)

2. Use to separate independent clauses, with a coordinating conjunction.

An independent clause is just a sentence that makes sense on its own.

A coordinating conjunction is: and, but, or so.

Miley had a ton of work to do, so she set her alarm early.

3. Use after an introductory statement.

Introductory statements begin with many different words, but typically: Before, after, when, while, as soon as, etc.

Before her first class, Stacy looked up her prof on Rate Your Teacher.

Main point about this, “Before her first class” is not an independent clause, it needs a second part.

4. Use to surround info in a sentence

This info is not essential to the sense-making of the sentence, but it should be relevant.

Parents, no matter how skilled, cannot function at 100% all the time.

5. Addresses and Dates

6. And with direct quotes

Important for essay writing.

Casey said, “I hate this house!”

Colons:

Introduce a list after a complete sentence:

I have three favourite foods: spaghetti, chowder, and garlic bread.

2. Use after ‘the following’ or ‘as follows’

Please provide the following information: your date of birth, full name, and address.

3. Don't use with sentence fragments

A sentence fragment is an unfinished sentence (that doesn’t make sense on its own).

My favourite foods are: spaghetti, chowder, and garlic bread.

This is wrong because, “My favourite foods are.” Isn’t an independent clause.

4. Introduce an explanation

My parents ask one thing of me: that I try my hardest.

5. Introduce a quotation

Mom always quoted the bible: “The truth will set you free.”

6. And times (12:00)

Semi-Colon:

Not super common, but makes you look good if you can use it properly.

Separate two related independent clauses

I never drink Starbucks; it tastes burnt.

2. Similar, but with conjunctions: however, moreover, therefore, nevertheless, etc.

I don’t like Starbucks; however, it does the job.

Agatha didn’t witness anything; nevertheless, she was called in to court.

3. Use to avoid misreading in a series

The invited guests are the club leader; the treasurer; the new member, Jason Tanner; and Wanda Johnson, the investor.

Semicolons clarify the separation between the four people. Had it been, “The club leader, the treasurer, The new member, Jason Tanner…” it would seem that the new member and Jason Tanner are two different people.

Apostrophes – Possessive

‘s shows possession of a singular noun

The girl’s parents were quite rich.

2. S’ shows possession of a plural noun

The students’ books were all over the place. (there are multiple students who have books)

3. ‘s to singular words ending in s, and nouns that are plural

My boss’s office My children’s toys

Apostrophes – Contractions

Use to combine two words (they are, he is, there is, etc.)

It is -> It’s a beautiful park They are -> They’re really good friends You are -> you’re good at this and so on.

[tanadrin]

@afloweroutofstone

The “Catholic trinitarianism = polytheism” meme has always struck me as a misreading of Catholic theology It’s just monotheism with extra steps

sorry, the muslims and jews are right about this one. trinitarianism is the kind of nonsense you get when a bureaucratic committee is given the task of hammering out how jesus can be divine but not god but also there's only one god; the fact it is so easy to fall into heresy when dealing with christology (is jesus an aspect of god? modalism. heresy! is jesus created by god rather than "proceeding" from him, whatever that means? arianism. heresy! are the persons distinct beings united in one "will"? mormonism. heresy!) isn't because christology/trinitarianism is philosophically subtle, it's because it's incoherent.

but it was enforced as a dogma by state-backed religious authorities long enough to take root, and when the peasants asked how this could possibly be true the priest could say, "it's a mystery, you have to have faith, now shut up." but "one god existing in three distinct, consubstantial persons, who are each fully god" one of whom is furthermore "fully human and fully divine" is literally nested oxymorons.

it's like the eucharist being both really the body of christ and also chemically indistinguishable from bread; that people believe this is a demonstration of both the power of religious authorities and adherents' willingness to signal in-group membership, it's not a coherent metaphysical claim.

in practical terms there are social and formal consequences to the doctrine of the trinity that make christianity resemble other monotheistic religions in many important ways--this is why i categorize christianity as "less monotheistic" but not fully polytheistic--but it also resembles polytheism in many important ways! well, catholicism and eastern orthodoxy even more than protestantism, but that's in part because of the whole saints thing, which is a totally different bag of worms.

[sane-omblog]

Delicious? (Part1?)

Aka story of Raphael and his mysterious taste bud

I don't know what I did, I just wanna try my hand on writing and this is an.. fever idea ig

I already wrote more but ermm yea will need some more time to finish it

Raphael was always an easy child, you told him to sit there, he sat, you told him to go to bed, he went. Even with food, he was also easy, he doesn't have any preference or hatred towards food. He eat veggies, fruits, any meats with no complaints.

The little angel was in the middle of flying lesson when the most easy and/or awkward question for a kid. He stared at two pots of soups, they smelled a little different from each other. "Which soup would you like?"

“It would be all the same to me, you can let the other choose first” he said, sure enough smell wouldn't change taste

“Awww what a kind little angel you are, Raphael” the older angel reached and pet him on his head. He liked it.

.

.

.

Raphael took a bite of the soup that was left for him, it's plain, bland, and didn't make any difference from other soup he had tried for all his life. The angel, his age, letting him try the other soup, seemed like she didn't like it and wanted to know if he liked this more and traded it.

It's the same, he couldn't tell what was different.

He agreed to trade it anyway.

.

Evening came, Raphael told his attendant what he did that day. Simeon, as always, smiled back at him and said “That's so nice of you, Raph.”

He paused, Raphael thought it wasn't bad to get compliments from such easy action.

“But I guess, I should find what your favorite food is, huh?” with chuckles, Simeon started to name random dishes while going to the kitchen and made them dinner. His wings moved while walking, always brought his attention away. "Oh I should make that today, what do you think about.."

He sure he would liked everything Simeon made for him.

"that's sounds nice" but maybe not as that sandwich the other day

But again, it's too bland on his tongue

“How is it?” Simeon asked him half of the meal

Raphael couldn't remember the name of what he'd just eaten.

He swallowed. “It's good”

.

Simeon said he misread the recipes and asked if he wanted him to make something real quick for his lunch today. "I should have wondered how all those ingredients never went well together, I'm so sorry Raph"

As a young angel at that time, he said "it's fine and I should get going to the training, I will take it, thanks"

Raphael ate it, the bread, the mistake of fruit jam, the strong spiced meat and some vegetables. He liked it. Everyone there knew Simeon was his guardian, and always wanted to try his food.

Of course he didn't mind, even though it's the first time he thought this is what delicious tasted like and wanted to have it all to himself.

The other angels took a bite with so much hope, especially after seeing him with such sparkly eyes.

But then they made a weird noise and said it wasn't any good as the rumor said.

“This is too salty!” they wailed

“Ugh the bad taste still on my tongue”

“Is the fruit he used rotten?!”

They whimpered about how bad it was, asking if he misunderstood the word delicious. Raphael didn’t think so, because if it's not delicious that means he wouldn't like it.

But he likes his food this way, so it's delicious. That's what he thought.

He felt some rage bubbling inside him, he didn't have any preference about other Simeon’s food but he knew that he's a great chef.

“Don't say that, you shouldn't judge it by just one time” he paused, didn't know how to describe what Simeon's food usually taste like, not even what he ate for breakfast. “He just busy and misread the ingredients this time”

It's true that's why he accepted this mistake of food in the first place, he didn't want to put any more loads of work onto archangel.

And it worked. They backed down, went back to enjoy their own lunch.

.

.

The next day they asked him to share again and agree that the food from his guardian was delicious after just one bite.

Leaving him missed that unique taste of jam with yet another bland taste.

[sotiredimbored]

/ intro post /

kuko/ollie, any/all, genderfluid, ace, biromantic, minor, asian-american, infp, slytherin, cabin 7, probably insane, neurodivergent

✩

insta, art blog, vent blog, writing blog, and pinterest!

more complicated info below the cut(pleasepleasepleaselook)

cool info about me!!!

stuff i like✩: pasta, birds, the sound of pencils on paper, reading, writing(ill write for you if you ask), drawing(same with drawing just ask!!), animals, my friends(yeah you deal with it), heartstopper, yaelokre, epic, music(my heart and soul), my pets(i post them sometimes teehee), diet coke, purple grapes, learning languages, cosplaying, analyzing songs , bugs and jellyfish!(theres more but im lazy)

things i dislike✩: homophobes, transphobes, racists, mean people, and cicadas(no questions)

music! ✩: thazvoo, fish in a birdcage, chappell roan, kaden mackay, good kid, cavetown, tv girl, lovesick, baby queen, glaive, conan gray, the neighbourhood, ichika nito, the greeting committee, alex g, noah floersch, pkch, waterparks, sundial, yaelokre, emei, girl in red, SALES, mad tsai, and lyn lapid!!

a cool person(@funz1es) made me a mood board and it's amazing

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ: 4 Morant(Better Luck Next Time)(Com Truise)

1:22───ㅇ───── 2:51

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▮▯

[idea stolen from @starmanbutitsregulusblack]

my amazing moots who followed me even tho im weird(lmk if you wanna be removed/sorry if i forgot you)

@fishcow99 ˋ°•*⁀➷ actually so cool very good at comforting

@asters-tempo ˋ°•*⁀➷ BREAD AND AXOLOTL BUDDY

@omelettejunkie ˋ°•*⁀➷ cool and very much not scary

@crowofthestars ˋ°•*⁀➷ very nice, funny and such

@charlie-kelly-variant ˋ°•*⁀➷ this is a backup blog of someone else but i added it bc i can do what i want

@kunikisss ˋ°•*⁀➷ AMAZING ART WHAT

@kawaiibarty ˋ°•*⁀➷ gives off flower vibes idk

@butch-marauders ˋ°•*⁀➷ good opinions and also GIRL IN RED

@kermit-is-life ˋ°•*⁀➷ check out this to join the cult of kermit

@formertokenstraight ˋ°•*⁀➷ basically an unpaid therapist at this point(sorry token ik i should unpack my issues *sigh*)

@rat-detector ˋ°•*⁀➷ idk how we are mutual but r a t

@dino1nuggiez ˋ°•*⁀➷ my bestie and the coolest irl person and such

@cheekyboybeth ˋ°•*⁀➷ chappell roan enjoyer

@definitionoffuckup ˋ°•*⁀➷ i stole this intro idea from them so check him out

@your-non-irl-father ˋ°•*⁀➷ star wars vibes

@osemanverseenthusist ˋ°•*⁀➷ so coolio(cheerios)

@mun-urufu ˋ°•*⁀➷ such a nice human very enjoyable would recommend

@raeprise ˋ°•*⁀➷ the moon(yes)

@k-is-for-potassium ˋ°•*⁀➷ b a b n a

@here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can ˋ°•*⁀➷ i misread this username for an embarrassingly long time

@yourlocalbadgerscales ˋ°•*⁀➷ so brave and cool

@stqrgirl3 ˋ°•*⁀➷ here chick the bom from the bompalombalomp

@you-will-never-be-satisfied ˋ°•*⁀➷ coolest and also deserves love

@aesthetic-writer18 ˋ°•*⁀➷ basically a writing god

@gardenoflilys ˋ°•*⁀➷ *insert moth*

@klondyke-the-bear ˋ°•*⁀➷ very nice

@mrtoadthetoad ˋ°•*⁀➷ gives off poet vibes

bea!!(idk if i can tag but the actual tag is tequilaqueen) ˋ°•*⁀➷ nice. good at art. very good

@themortalityofundyingstars ˋ°•*⁀➷ cool person who i never expected to follow me

@barbthebuilder ˋ°•*⁀➷ genderfluid boss

@lifegoalsofafish ˋ°•*⁀➷ ONE OF THE FIRST MOOTS LETS ALL PAY OUR RESPECTS

@garden-of-runar ˋ°•*⁀➷ wow two cool people who i never thought would follow me

@official-panini ˋ°•*⁀➷ *stealthily hands you bread*

@gasolinehornet ˋ°•*⁀➷ httyd core

ok bye

*scurries off into the distance*

[good-chimes]

In honor of Life series four, Life Series Bake Off AU

NEW SERIES LAUNCHES:

Nation charmed by fresh crop of 12 amateur bakers including intensely competitive student GRIAN, ambitious cake artists BDUBS and SCAR, scientific bread experts TANGO and IMPULSE, and ETHO who has no discernible social media presence and, rumor has it, doesn’t officially exist. Married couple JOEL and LIZZIE raise eyebrows—will they be able to compete against each other?—but this is settled when Lizzie immediately announces she would murder Joel in real life to win and has bought the kitchen knife set for it, and Joel lovingly declares he keeps an axe under his pillow in case this happens.

The judges as usual are renowned cake chef PEARL, bread expert MUMBO, and our two inimitable presenters: BIGB, beloved by the nation for his gentle reassurances of weeping contestants, and MARTYN whose main contribution is his trademark eyebrow waggles as we find out from the judges who’s in trouble this week.

TART WEEK (1)

Tart week gets off to a strong start, with contestant REN charming both the judges and Martyn with his exquisite tarte au citron and his total inability to let a double-entendre go to waste (‘I’m just a tart triumph all over’ he proclaims, to Martyn’s immediate delighted riposte ‘Mm, but what do you do on the weekends?’). Law student JIMMY is not so lucky when a misreading of the recipe leads to ten times the correct amount of butter and a catastrophic oven meltdown. Star baker goes to early favorite BDUBS for an exquisite three-tier tart showstopper.

Week one elimination is, of course, the hapless Jimmy, and the recaps are united on two fronts: it's always nice to see someone on the show who reminds you of your own midnight experiments, but holy shit Jimmy, did it not give you a clue when the melted butter started pouring out of the oven like you’d stabbed the spirit of margarine to death in there. Jimmy's butter meltdown becomes a meme and he sells T-shirts; Joel immediately posts a picture wearing one.

CAKE WEEK (2)

Week two brings cake week and an impressive performance from SCAR, who embarks on a showstopper Baked Alaska in the shape of a snow-covered mountain. Tranquil in the face of GRIAN’S constant disparaging comments about his whisking technique and browned meringue, Scar perseveres and is crowned star baker for the week, while Twitter immediately declares Grian the villain of the season. A contingent of viewers theorising ‘could this be flirting’ are swiftly shouted down on social media and retreat to a dedicated subthread on a cookery forum.

Last week’s star baker BDUBS seems distracted by his new-found friendships with the quiet ETHO, who spends hours on the surprisingly unambitious Victoria Sponge. A conspiracy theory emerges that Etho invented the Victoria Sponge, refuted by weak counterarguments like “cannot possibly be true” and “he would have to be several hundred years old.” Meanwhile the nation is won over by JOEL and LIZZIE’S chemistry as they trade quips and spatulas, unfortunately Joel is eliminated after a jam mishap, at which he declares “at least I went out after Jimmy.”

TEA-TIME WEEK (3)

Tea-time week brings florentines and shortbread, but it’s a sad week for love as REN is out after his overambitious scones fail to impress. “I’m heartbroken,” Martyn announces, and cannot be consoled even by Scott’s superb showstopper petite-fours. Ren was a good sport to the end, everyone agrees. Ren spotted at a Covent Garden coffee shop with Martyn three weeks later.

HALLOWEEN WEEK (4)

The mood is jovial for Halloween week, with judge MUMBO in fake vampire fangs while ETHO bakes cookies in the form of anatomically correct skulls. LIZZIE starts off with adorable witch-hat cupcakes in little witch hats, then spends the rest of the episode precisely and effortlessly crafting a blood red mirror glazed sachertorte which the presenters refuse to look at because it “makes them uncomfortable”, and is subsequently awarded star baker for the most genuine aura of threat ever achieved by a cake.

Meanwhile GRIAN and SCAR continue to genially snipe at each other throughout. TANGO asks BDUBS to turn his oven off at a crucial moment; unfortunately Bdubs forgets and then blames Tango for relying on him, leading to the charred mess of Tango’s showstopper and a social media uproar dubbed “OvenGate”. Bdubs alternately sorrowful and dramatically dismissive. This cruel betrayal knocks Tango out of the tent; a public petition is started for his reinstatement.

WEDDING WEEK (5)

Puppet theater designer CLEO has her star turn in wedding week with ranks of beautiful marzipan figurines on all her bakes. An intense rivalry develops between her and wedding-enthusiast BDUBS, who declares his magnificent fondant confection a dry run for his impending marriage to ETHO, a stranger he met ten days ago. When asked by presenters how much of this is a joke, Etho laughs and says “I guess?”, which leaves the nation none the wiser. Unfortunately IMPULSE’S canapes are considered uninspired and he is uninvited from both the wedding reception and the series.

BREAD WEEK (6)

The feared bread week comes around and all the artistic cake-makers wobble badly. SCAR and GRIAN just scrape through, but CLEO’S triumph last week turns to tragedy despite the trouble she has gone to to model a realistic centaur out of sourdough. Bdubs makes an impromptu speech to camera about how she was robbed but he intends to triumph in her honor.

MEDIEVAL WEEK (7)

The experimental medieval week takes the bakers on an outdoor camping trip where they will attempt to build their own stoves and use them to replicate historical bread techniques. BDUBS’S enthusiasm for this and his drive to impress ETHO turn out to be his downfall as, distracted, he builds a stove that bleeds heat and fails to brown his bread. Etho meanwhile excels at both the survival and breadmaking aspects, leading to a divide on Twitter on whether this level of competence is hot or just very concerning, potentially the cake equivalent of a serial killer. The Victoria Sponge theory is raised again. Etho alleviates some concerns by getting lost three times in an open field over the course of the episode, which loses him enough baking time that dark horse SCOTT pips him to the post of star baker.

WINTER WARMTH WEEK (8)

Week eight arrives and five bakers remain: LIZZIE and SCOTT are known to be good all-rounders, ETHO is the reigning technical expert, SCAR remains the favorite on the cakes side, and GRIAN is mainly known for his habit of constantly sneaking spoonfuls of Scar’s cake mix so he can mock the taste. Social media opinion is divided into “Grian is a good baker actually”, “Grian is only still in because of executive meddling”, and the small but determined contingent of “no guys we really think they’re flirting??” who have emerged from their cookery subthread unbowed and with compilations of video evidence.

The set gets cozy with winter warmth week. Brandy-based showstoppers are the order of the day, and LIZZIE wins the episode by crafting a biscuit unicorn with a mane you can set on fire. ETHO invents an intricate brandy plumbing system to shoot flaming alcohol above his plum pudding—this attempt is in fact a good deal too successful and instead sets MARTYN’S hair on fire. GRIAN comes to his aid but ends up adding more brandy. Judge PEARL extinguishes the flames with a bowl of cinnamon milk. The judges are clearly not feeling merciful when it comes to the scores and Etho’s run comes to a premature end.

DOUBLES WEEK (9)

Some old favorites return for doubles week, where each of the remaining four bakers is helped out by an eliminated contestant on the other end of the phone. GRIAN for once assesses the limits of his own talents and asks to pair up with ETHO, a plan that immediately pays off when the contestants are challenged with a tricky technical that sees them baking the perfect pumpernickel bread. SCAR, having asked to pair up with BDUBS, is quickly underwater as neither of them understand yeast.

Scar’s floundering proves too much for Grian, who belligerently passes along his pumpernickel tips from Etho, saving Scar’s technical enough for him to scrape through. When challenged by Martyn, Grian grudgingly admits, “I just want Scar to stay in, okay?” Some recaps clear him of his villain status; others are still convinced it’s a fluke.

Meanwhile SCOTT turns in an efficient technical with help from CLEO and also JIMMY, who is apparently sitting in Cleo’s living room just to heckle Scott. LIZZIE calls on husband JOEL, but a combination of overconfidence and flirting distracts them both, leading to a burnt crust and Lizzie’s elimination from the final four.

MERINGUE WEEK (Final Episode)

In the finale, SCOTT, SCAR, and GRIAN face off over a series of escalating meringue-based challenges. Whatever alliance sprung up between Grian and Scar in the last episode is clearly water under the bridge as the two of them obsessively steal each other’s ingredients and annoy each other into trivial mistakes. This escalates into a noisy quarrel over the main challenge of the week: an edible diorama of a cactus ring. Scar’s attempts to ‘aesthetically correct’ Grian’s mountain diorama leads to Grian melting his sugar-spun cacti with a crème brulée torch.

The two are no longer speaking by the showstopper, where Grian embarks on a desperate attempt to make up points with an ambitious trifle in a castle-shaped wall of macarons while Scar builds his own grand macaron diorama. The clock ticks down. Scott is creating an impeccable strawberry pavlova. The trifle is going badly. Grian is covered in sugar and regret. BigB pats him reassuringly on the shoulder.

At the last moment, Scar sacrifices half his perfect macarons to donate to Grian’s diorama. Grian, for once lost for words, grabs his apron and kisses him right in front of Martyn’s swiftly-derailed countdown. “Grian had a beautiful artistic vision,” Scar says sentimentally afterwards. “You have to respect the craft!” They snog behind the tasting table. Mumbo gamely attempts to award points. Pearl in a laughing fit behind the cameras. Martyn and BigB solemnly wrap up the shot with Martyn’s best cake-based innuendoes. Grian and Scar do not notice.

Scott wins the series. He got so many more points on the cactus ring technical.

[lee-aveyourmark]

pov: you're doing grocery shopping with seventeen - maknae line

∘.∙°. masterlist Warnings: mentions of food, alcohol, public affection

A/N: For legal reasons, some of this is a joke. I don't mean to undermine any of the members, so please don't misread my writing :)

mingyu Efficient. Knows what he needs to buy before entering the store, but is also flexible in changing his shopping list or meal plan if the store doesn't stock certain items. Is not afraid to ask store clerks where certain items are. Ends up inadvertently flirting with the aunties, and it takes a foreign hand on his bicep for him to quickly say his goodbyes and run back to you, whining and burying his face into your neck. Wine is a must-add to the cart. There's often a request from Seungcheol for a certain snack. Mingyu is reluctant in gratifying his hyung, and that reluctance quickly transforms into jealousy when you drop the requested item into the basket with indifference. Definitely needs you to hold his hand and stroke his hair for the next five minutes before the jealousy can dissipate.

the8 LIkes to shop at Chinese grocery stores as much as possible, since his culinary range is probably largely Chinese. You can often find this man in the tea section, browsing new leaves for his next tea ceremony and meditation session. There'll most likely be a mala-flavoured item that ends up in the cart. Enjoys introducing you to all the different spices frequently used in northern Chinese cooking and giggles at your cute pronunciation of their names. Also enjoys making conversation with the grandpas that compliment your relationship and- wait, is that Jun? You don't recall being told that he was going to be here. Oh, and now you're being sidelined and thirdwheeled as Jun drags Minghao to check out the newest instant ramen on offer.

dk Giggles, blushes and twirls his hair around his finger every five seconds because, omg, you're out buying groceries with him - how domestic! Absolutely adores taking photos of you doing literally whatever at the store - looking at items, picking items up, eating samples, pushing the cart - he's capturing it all. Tries so hard to control himself when seeing you strolling down the aisles in his oversized hoodie, but fails miserably as his lips make contact with your cheek. As our resident ray of sunshine, this man will buy food based on how cute the packaging is. I'm talking bright colours, funky fonts, and baby animal mascots. Will also choose the odd-shaped fruits and vegetables because they're "quirky" and he feels a little sorry for them.

seungkwan Is an absolute sweetheart to all of the elderly ladies slowly pushing their carts through the store. Makes conversation with them and helps them pick items off shelves that are too high for them. Also is super sweet to the children, complimenting them and playing with them. He's always closely inspecting the health foods on offer, but looks forward to seeing the pastries from the bakery next door to the supermarket. When you offer to buy him some, he adamantly refuses, makes the excuse that he was just browsing and then complains about his diet under his breath. The excitement lit across his face when trying the weekly cookie menu is something that you'll never get sick of, and you make sure to bring him grocery shopping more often.

vernon What is Chwe Hansol doing in the grocery store with you? Honestly, he's asking himself that too because this man has zero experience. The assistance he attempts to provide is based on information from the internet, and I'm talking about WikiHow articles on buying bread. Uses logic to the best of his abilities, helping to choose items based on price point. However, logic doesn't get him very far when you're asking him which brand would taste the best. Will internally freak out if you leave him in the queue to grab something, and will need a breather when you return to the line with the loaf of bread that you forgot. Always has music on, so you'll need to give him a good shake of his shoulder to grab his attention.

dino Our maknae can cook, but that doesn't translate into having sense regarding grocery shopping. If he can't track you down amongst the aisles, there's a high chance of him calling another member for help. Particularly, he'll likely call a 95-line hyung with the expectation of them fulfilling their hyung role. Alas, I'm not entirely sure if Seungcheol, Jeonghan or Joshua knows whether a three-dollar cucumber is a bargain or not. Is extremely confused when you're walking around slapping watermelons like Seungcheol would his ass amidst dance practice. Honestly, just very confused but also very curious and willing to learn lots on how to select the freshest produce so that he can impress you with a tasty homemade dish one day.

[whereisinthelittlewood]

Martyn is in a loaf of bread.

He is one with the bread ...

I fucking misread this the first time lmao so take this

[nancydrewwouldnever]

Nancy, I have a question: Do you think we’re all just projecting with how weird and off things have been since the start of this whole situation - like do you think we’re projecting or even just believing that certain people are trolling and bread crumbing purposely & we all believe certain things and instances are weird or that things don’t make sense because of our own projections and thoughts on this “courtship” - OR, do you think it’s fair to say that certain things don’t make sense, that certain people are trolling, etc. because it’s actually true?

I hope this made sense to you, I’m sorry if I sound like The Riddler.

And just so there’s no confusion, I’m not referring to “what’s real vs what isn’t” and whether the 💒 actually happened - I’m not part of that crowd. I’m just referring to things that we’ve all pointed out, you included, that have been coming off as sus, that’s all.

All this talk about “projection” and some people saying “well maybe it’s weird or things are off because you want them to be” has got me thinking in circles now 😵‍💫

No, we're not projecting. We saw it.

We did not "project" him being startled and lurching away when she tried to take his hand during the accidental footage of the NYC pap walk. We did not "project" how she did not appear to have one idea she was not going to be allowed to walk the red carpet at Ghosted premiere. We did not "project" the shower show.

We did not misread obvious trolling as trolling. Just for the record, this was obvious trolling:

And, I'm sorry, people now trying to whitewash all the weirdness and manipulation of the past two years? Welcome to the next round of gaslighting.

[inyourwildestdreams22]

i speak british english and say 'zed' as in the letter, but there's no way in hell i'd EVER call zendaya zed because zee is just a widely known cultural phenomenon/nickname for her, so in my head it has to be older relatives, and it has to be a result of them reading people calling her 'Z' in messages or something which i think is cute... like Nikki texting the grandmas that daughter-in-law Z is coming around and them just misreading it 😭 im spiralling

Granny Tess arriving with the bread saying "this is for you zed"

[basicallyjaywalker]

A Little Too Sweet

First fic is ready! And I'm on time if you just forget yesterday happened /lh

This one is for @crying-over-cartoons aka Grey, I hope you enjoy!

Prompts: Pomatter Pie from Waitress; release, dribble, cluster, single, view, swear, file, crack, despise, decoration; 37

AO3 Link

Fic under the cut!

Cole despised kitchen duty. He learned after years of trying to cook dinner—and failing miserably enough times—that he was not a chef. Somehow, though, he’d ended up here. He couldn’t exactly blame Master Wu for asking him to help out. Thirty-seven pies was a lot of pies. Zane couldn’t do it alone, and Kai, Jay, Nya, and Lloyd were busy setting up decorations and furniture. 

If Cole had to be paired with anyone for this job, he was glad it was Zane. First, he actually knew how to bake, something Cole wasn’t sure their other teammates could say. Second, he knew Zane wouldn’t judge him if he screwed up.

They stood in the middle of the kitchen. Cole leaned over the counter, holding a manila folder in his hand. Zane stood beside him, adjusting the tie on the back of his pink apron. 

“‘Mrs. Pomatter’s Famous Fair Pie,’” Cole read the title, written in curly black sharpie. It reminded him of the case files the police kept on known criminals in Ninjago City. “Wonder what makes it so famous?”

“It’s won the Ninjago City Fair’s pie contest four years in a row. It’s surprising Master Wu was able to get her to give the recipe to us.”

“It is for a good cause. Raising funds for the new children’s hospital and all…” Cole flipped it open and started reading the recipe. “Crust: first, put dry ingredients in a bowl. One-and-a-fourth cups of flour… two tablespoons of sugar…”

“Tablespoons?” Zane tilted his head. “That seems like a lot.”

Cole shrugged. “Hey, if it’s won the City Fair four years in a row, she's gotta know what she's doing.”

The ingredients were clustered together in front of them, along with bowls and utensils. Zane pulled out the sealed jar labeled “sugar” and a ring of metal measuring spoons. He measured out the tablespoons and Cole noticed the puzzled expression on his face.

“What’s up?”

“It’s just… While I trust you would not lie to me, this much sugar with the amount of flour could mean the crust will come out crunchy. Would you check the recipe one more time?”

“Crunchy?” That made sense, he supposed, like when you make tea and the sugar doesn't fully dissolve. He checked the recipe over again and grimaced. “Ah yeah, it’s teaspoons. My bad.”

“Don’t trouble yourself too much,” as Zane spoke, he poured the excess sugar back into its container. “It’s a common mistake. The two words are remarkably similar.”

And Cole wouldn’t have troubled himself, if it weren’t for the fact that those mistakes continued happening. He would read the recipe—misread it, to be precise—Zane would quickly catch on, ask him to double check, and Cole would realize he’d messed up. The measurements were wrong, or the ingredients, or he’d skipped a step. Once they had it down, though, it went smoother. Zane knew the ingredients, the portions, the steps. Cole just helped by passing over what was needed.

Then it came time to roll the crust out. The last time Cole rolled something out was when he tried making bread rolls that ended up more akin to rocks, so he was more than a little apprehensive. Zane must’ve sensed something as he was making the filling over on the stove, because he came over and noticed Cole standing over the mound of dough, holding a rolling pin, and definitely wearing a dumbfounded look on his face. 

“Would you like some help?” 

“Uh,” and if he wasn’t before, Cole was sure he was now. “Just a demo, if you don’t mind. Instructions aren’t being very helpful.”

“Of course!” Zane chirped. Cole handed him the pin and Zane set to work. He pinched a generous amount from the flour bag, sprinkling it on top of the counter, then rubbing it on his hands and the pin. “This is to ensure the dough does not stick. Here, would you assist me?” Zane held the rolling pin out to Cole again. He took the free end. Zane tugged him forward, standing behind him. He reached around Cole, placing his hands on the outside of Cole’s on both sides of the pin. “Now we roll.”

Cole tried to ignore the warmth spreading across his face as they guided the pin across the table, flattening the mound into a neat oval. “Wonderful!” Zane’s ever-chipper voice exclaimed before he took his hands away. Cole relaxed, releasing tension he hadn’t realized he was holding. Zane went back to making the filing, leaving Cole to ignore the fact that his heart rate had picked up somewhere along the way. 

By the time the crust was done, so was the filling. Zane put the first pie together while Cole rolled out the next batch. Once he finished, Zane started assembling the next pie. Cole let out a breath. Honestly, this was going better than he expected. Plus, Zane’s explanations were actually helping! They only had thirty-five more pies after they finished these two. Speaking of which….

He flicked the switch of the light and viewed the pie through the oven window, only to be faced with the horrifying sight of dark purple filling bubbling up and spilling out. He swore and pulled the pie out, placing it on the top of the oven. Filling dribbled down the side of the ceramic tin, the crust had cracked and split apart, even the decorative slits they placed in the top were lost among the molten filling erupting from beneath its barely browned surface. 

Zane examined the monstrous concoction. He tilted his head, his lips pulling into a slight diagonal line. He swiped a bit of the dripping filling from the side and tasted it. Cole glanced away. Shit. I’ve definitely ruined it.

“It appears we forgot to distribute the butter properly in our cover. Shame, the filling tastes rather good.”

Cole stared at him, dumbstruck. Then, he laughed. 

“What’s so funny?” Zane asked.

“Nothing, it’s just… you’re so calm about this. We haven’t baked a single pie, our crust is bust, and you’re able to just sit here and… shrug it off.”

“Of course, it isn’t a disaster. We’re ninjas, we’ve handled worse.” As he said this, a smile tugged at the corner of Zane’s mouth. “Besides, this time it was my fault. I should have given the butter more time to chill.”

Cole kept laughing. Zane just smiled. 

“Unfortunately,” he said, “I believe this means the pie I’m currently working on will suffer a similar fate. In addition, it will take us another two hours to make more crust. Not only that, but the sale begins in four.”

Master Wu hummed as he passed through the floor of his tea shop, examining each of the centerpieces on the tables, the lights, and the streamers floating down from the ceiling. He reached for one of the floating pie cutouts, pulled on it, then released it, satisfied with how it held. He turned to four of his students, all standing tall with bated breath.

“Well, guess we better start baking.” Cole grinned and held up the pin, cherishing the way Zane chuckled at him.

“I’m impressed. You all have done very well.” He smiled when he saw their tension release. “These decorations are wonderful! As is the lighting, but we are missing one thing.” He glanced around. “Where are Cole and Zane?”

“I think they’re still in the kitchen,” Kai offered. “I’ve been smelling pie all afternoon.”

“And none of it was burnt! Well, not after the first few hours, anyways,” added Jay. 

“Still, we need that pie for the sale, the doors will be opening in—” Before Wu could check, Zane and Cole came rushing in, covered in flour and dough and arms laden with pie. 

“Ta-da! Thirty-seven perfectly baked pies!”

“And right on time too!” Zane said, placing his neatly on the long table set up next to Steeper Wisdom’s register. 

Wu walked over, taking in the enticing smell of berries and buttery crust. “Perfect! I believe we’re in for a rousing success tonight. Thank you all for your help.”

“Don’t thank me, thank Zane. These pies would’ve been a bust without his help.” Cole nudged him. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Zane told him. 

“You’re sweet, Zane.” Cole smiled. “Maybe a little too sweet.”

“Doors are opening! To your stations, everyone!” Misako called, getting behind the counter. She glanced at the two, giggling a little. “Cole, you may want to clean up before we begin. I’ll take your apron, Zane.”

Cole rushed to the back, hoping there was a spare uniform back there he could use. As he hurried to get ready before the crowds poured in, he couldn’t help thinking about the smile he swore he saw on Zane’s face.