#i need them to sing and play and have fun and travel together and show off their amazing music to the world

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

If I have to deal with brain rot about this absolutely awful man, so do y'all! Really looking forward to playing Dead Money so I can torture you with more.

Dean Domino (Fallout: New Vegas, Dead Money DLC) NSFW Headcanons

Is the King of Swing good in bed? Complicated question; he's too selfish to say that he is with any confidence. It depends on the day, frankly. He was a massive slut back in his prime, and he's perfectly well acquainted with how to show you a good time when the two of you are in bed together. Whether or not he cares enough in that moment to bother to make you cum is an entirely different matter. There are days he wants to show off, wants to hear you tell him how good he is, but there are also plenty of days where he'll happily use your body to jerk himself off and won't think for a second about your pleasure beyond what it'll do for him. On days like that, he wants you wet/stretched enough to take him, but that's all he cares about.

I've discussed this with folks a bit in replies on other posts, but I think it's very worth elaborating on: he would be so fun to dominate. He'd be the world's most petulant, bratty sub, and so confident that you wouldn't be able to break him, that he'll stay cool and in control of the situation, no problem. However, he's sorely mistaken. Dean Domino is a brat who was made to be broken. Tie his ass up and beat him a bit. Edge him until he literally cries. He insists he won't beg; prove him wrong. It's the sweetest sight you've ever taken in. I've never met a single character who needs to have his cock slapped like a million times more than him. And honestly, I think if you gave him the full routine and then treated him completely neutrally over the proceeding few days, as if nothing had even happened, he'd beg then, too, desperate to experience what you made him feel again...though not without a lot of petulant bitching first. How dare you act like you can drag him around by his prick, just because you absolutely can if you do it right...?!

Any ongoing relationship with Dean is going to be a constant power struggle. As insecure as he obviously is, he's forever rearing to "put you in your place" in a litany of ways; talking down to you, insulting you flippantly, all the nonsense you see from him when you interact with him in-game. If you don't push back at him (or show him where his place is, per the previous point), he will absolutely walk all over you, including sexually. Maybe that's what you're into. He doesn't really care all that much as long as he's getting whatever he wants out of you.

Biter. Always has been. Used to get a kick outta fucking actors and actresses and just covering them in bite marks and bruises that would be incredibly difficult to cover with makeup, because he likes attention and he's possessive, even of toys he doesn't particularly want to play with anymore.

Almost never takes off those goddamn sunglasses (because, in my mind, he thinks they make him harder to read...plus, he has super light-colored eyes, and once he's traveling the desert, he's constantly blinded by the sun), but one of the rare times you can guarantee he'll remove them is when you're giving him head. He wants to be able to see every detail of you worshiping him with your lips and tongue.

Obviously he's big into degradation, which is clear in the way he speaks to you, about you and others. He can, however, be persuaded to be rather sweet (though still entirely self-aggrandizing) when he's in a good mood. He'll tell you how gorgeous you look...on his cock. What a pretty voice you have...why don't you sing for him some more so he can hear how good he makes you feel? Every compliment also has to basically be a positive comment to himself, as well.

Leg and ass man. He makes some comments about Vera that hint at this, but he's not usually quite so tactful about it. Will openly grope you in public, both to embarrass you a bit and because he doesn't care enough to hold back when he feels like touching you.

Really enjoys a giving you a good cum facial. He finds it just the right mix of disgusting, dominating, and possessive. If he can find a way to force you to keep his cum on your face, he will. Even better if someone else sees you that way.

[yellowloid]

The more time passes, the more I am convinced that TLSPs will never come back or perhaps in the very distant future. The Car is an album very similar to the sounds of the duo and I find it difficult that they can come back with a third album with the genre of the previous one. I feel like Alex has sort of found his genre and things to draw inspiration from and Miles currently does a completely different genre than what AM does. Alex has clear ideas and I believe that at the moment he is thinking about himself, he is determined to continue with this style, I have no doubt that in the future he will be able to change again but it is very difficult that he returns as in 2016

(ugh i'm so late this was sent like. MONTHS ago but life has been hectic)

anyways, i think as fans we really have no way of knowing whether tlsp will ever actually come back with a third album. of course we can all hope for it to happen, but in the end the only people who have a say on it are - you guessed it - miles and alex themselves. and although i agree on the fact that their latest albums were different from one another, that doesn't necessarily mean they'll *always* stick to those styles. they're always evolving as musicians and that's what makes their music good, and yeah you could certainly say the latest albums (tbhc+the car / coup de grace+change the show) are much more mature and elaborate than their earlier stuff (which is normal because they've grown as artists and people), that still doesn't mean they've "arrived" as artists. they'll keep changing and maturing and evolving in their style, and who knows what they'll release next with their solo projects.

(also, although i partly agree on the fact that their current styles are different, i wouldn't say they're so inherently opposite from each other??? although the "jazz" vibes in change the show are very much absent from the car, i can't help but think of songs such as 'coming of age' and 'constantly' which are very close in sound to songs they've written together or that alex has been recommending over the years. and although right now he doesn't make that kind of music himself, it doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate it/wouldn't consider ever making something like that. vice versa, the same applies to miles) (we also have to take into consideration the fact that those two have influenced each other so much over the years, both with their solo stuff and tlsp - see the strings, which are a crucial part of the car and which are an obvious and natural evolution of the iconic tlsp strings)

plus, the fact that their solo styles are different rn doesn't mean they wouldn't mix well! those two work magic when they're together. they're so talented and they bring the best out of each other, they could literally make a masterpiece out of mixing those two styles or even creating a new one that is shared between the two of them. there are points in common they could easily play on - for instance, the very strong bond vibes they've been hinting at ever since eycte. when it comes to them, the possibilities are quite literally endless - they don't have to stick to anything (not to their solo styles, and not to their 2008 or 2016 ones either) because the point of tlsp is and always has been pure freedom of creation. the art they make together doesn't have to appeal to a pre-written rule. tlsp is the safe space where they can be completely free to do whatever they want, together, and that's exactly what makes this project so beautiful.

now to be practical... i sincerely doubt they'll be back in 2024, unless they've already been working on tlsp3 secretly - which i don't think is the case. they don't really have much time before 2024 comes, and with alex touring for the car for the better part of 2023 and miles being busy with (pre-)recording of mk5 (or at least already working on it), throwing tlsp3 into the mix would be quite difficult to deal with.

that being said, i can't even begin to express how much i'd love for them to be back as soon as possible. but aside from that, i'm willing to wait as much as i'll have to, no matter how long it takes - as long as they come back in the end, and i'm 100% convinced they will. we just have to give them the time they need. and remember, anon: hope is the last to die!

[jobean12-blog]

Making Time

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader (CEO!Bucky AU)

Word Count: 1,601

Summary: You're busy, your husband is busy but there's always time to play.

Author's Note: Just a little something fun. Life has been busy lately and it was just making me think of how hard it is to find time for the extra special things and sometimes you have to get creative haha! Thank you all so much for reading! Much love always!���️❤️❤️Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics Thank you Daisy! 🥰

Warnings: there's always the softness there, teasing, tension, masturbation (f), car sex, a curse or three

“Mr. Barnes, your wife is here to see you.”

Bucky stands behind his large mahogany desk and runs a hand along his jaw.

“Send her in.”

You walk through the door with a flourish and a smile.

“Hi Buck,” you sing.

“Doll face,” he greets, his smile playful as it teases his lips. “Missed me that much?”

He calls you over with a crook of his finger and pulls you in a for a kiss.

“Always,” you whisper against his lips. “You’ve been working late every night this week and we haven’t had lunch once!”

You pout but he kisses it off your lips.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you today. This new account is a real pain in my ass.”

His fingers gently stroke your cheek before pressing under your chin to hold your face to his for more kisses.

“I know,” you say, “I brought you some food and thought we could at least spend our lunch hour together.”

You plop the takeout bag on the corner of his desk and then slip around him to sit in his leather chair.

He turns and leans back against the desk, studying you. Just as he’s about to say something his phone rings. He reaches for it, answering with an indifferent “yes.”

With a nod he starts speaking into the phone, clearly talking about this new ‘pain in the ass’ account. His jaw tenses and his fingers tighten around the receiver showing his clear annoyance over the disruption.

You cross your legs, and his eyes track the movement, lingering before he motions for you to stand.

He reaches forward, pen poised between his finger and thumb, and uses the tip to lift the hem of your skirt.

It’s slow and deliberate and when he sees the lace of your stockings and the garter belt his eyes widen.

They move up your body, darkening as they travel, and your heart begins to beat faster.

“No, no,” he says sternly into the phone. “Nothing like that…”

You fall back into his chair and spread your legs, hiking the skirt up to your hips.

“Yes, I understand,” he says, his voice deeper and slightly hoarse now.

Your fingertips trace the lines of the garter, along your bare skin to the silk of your panties.

“Yes,” he continues into the phone, eyes locked on your every move.

You throw him a false saccharine smile and pull your bottom lip between your teeth as you push your panties aside and run two fingers along your wet skin.

He coughs and grabs his water, taking a large sip.

“That’s fine, Steve. We can work with that timeline.”

The plastic bottle crushes under the weight of his grip, and your smile turns devilish. You begin moving your fingers, your eyes falling closed and head dropping back against the chair.

You imagine his long fingers doing the work, touching you, grabbing your hips. A tiny moan escapes, and you think about his taut arm muscles, strained and flexing as he moves his fingers inside you…his eyes, dark and pleading.

You look up to see them exactly as that, his gaze drifting from your face to the hand between your legs. His hungry expression moves back to your face, and he watches you fall apart with his name on your parted lips.

It’s overwhelming and unsatisfying: you need it to be his touch.

At some point, he ended the call, and now your heavy breathing is too loud for the quiet room as he sits across from you on the desk, his free hand gripping the edge so hard his knuckles are turning white.

“Fuck doll,” he growls. “Look what you do to me.”

He adjusts himself in his pants and you see the straining outline of his cock pressed along the tight fabric.

You grin and start to straighten yourself out.

“Pretty sure I just did that to myself…”

His eyes sparkle and he lifts his brows. “Should have been me.”

“Obviously. And now our lunch is over, and I have to go back to work.”

You stand and smooth down your skirt.

“Like hell you’re goin’ back to work,” he whisper shouts.

Your only response is to grab his tie and yank his lips down to yours before you walk through his door and down the hall, your heels clicking until you disappear onto the elevator. His loud, “fuck!” the last thing you hear.

The moment you step off the elevator you have a text from him.

“I’m picking you up at work. Five sharp. And I don’t want to hear shit about it.”

You smile but don’t respond, shoving your phone back into your bag and heading out through the double doors to your own office building.

It’s five on the dot and you look out your office window, noticing the sleek black car that pulls up right in front. Deciding to take your time, you tidy up your desk and gather your things, stepping out to meet him at about eight minutes after five.

“You’re late,” Bucky says when he gets out to hold the door open for you.

With a demure shrug you slide into the seat and watch him breeze around the car. He doesn’t drive away from the curb, and you look over to see his nostrils flared.

“Aren’t you going to take me home?”

“Get in the backseat.”

You blink several times and stare.

“What?”

“You heard me. Get in the backseat. Now.”

He reaches over to unbuckle the seatbelt for you, waiting with heated eyes for you to do as you’re told.

“You want to play doll. We’ll play.”

You smirk and start to climb over the middle console to the plush and spacious leather seats in the back. He lands a hard smack to your ass when you pass by, and you let out a squeal as you fall against the soft material.

He pushes through the middle, his tie hanging loosely in the air, and you grab it, pulling him on top of you. With a growl he kisses you, rough and without patience. He wastes no time pulling your shirt free of your skirt and ripping the buttons apart until it falls open to reveal your lacy bra.

“All day. All fucking day,” he murmurs.

“All day what?” you sass against his lips as you work open his pants.

“I’ve been hard and thinking about nothing else but burying myself between your legs.”

His hands wander over your skin, and he slips them under your skirt, pushing it up to your hips and then tracing the delicate little ribbons on the edge of your stockings.

You pull his chest to yours and kiss him, long and deep, gaining more urgency with every inch of skin uncovered.

You rip his shirt from his pants and explore the skin over his ribs, the sharp definition of muscle at his hips, and the soft trail of hair that disappears into his boxer briefs.

He groans into your mouth and deftly unhooks your garter belt, peeling your panties down and spreading your legs.

Pulling your leg forward you push him back and off you, sitting up so you can shove him against the seat back and straddle his lap.

With frantic hands you reach down and take him between your fingers, guiding his cock into you. Your eyes close as you slowly slide down every thick inch of him.

“Oh my god,” you moan.

You start to ride him, the pain of his rough fingertips on your hips only fueling you on. His sounds of pleasure are muffled between your breasts, and he pulls one bra cup down to close his mouth around your hardened nipple.

Your palm hits the dark tinted window and slides down from the condensation, but your hips don’t falter, and you hear him moan out your name.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come if you keep that up doll.”

He lifts you off him and roughly throws you down onto the seat. Pushing your legs apart he thrusts back in and picks one of your legs up over his shoulder.

“Oh fuck, yes.”

“Yeah doll?”

He smirks down at you and reaches out to grip the door frame and uses it for leverage, pushing deeper.

“Is this how you like it? This is what you get for showin’ up in my office and teasing me like that.”

“No,” you sass back and lift your hips to meet his. “I like it harder Bucky.”

“Fuck,” he murmurs.

The windows are completely fogged and your slick skin slides along the leather seats. You watch as his body strains with effort, the tendons in his neck pulled tight and you slip your legs off his shoulders, tugging all his weight on top of you, pleading over and over for more.

“Anything,” he growls. “I’ll give you anything.”

Your nails dig into his back, and you cry out his name. He swears, loud and deep and stutters above you.

With a satisfied sigh he collapses, burying his face in your neck. You can’t resist running your hands through his hair, feeling his heart race against your chest. You lay there together in the cramped space, breathing each other in until he lifts his head and your eyes lock.

“I love you baby,” he whispers against your lips.

“Love you too Buck.”

“Come on,” he says, gently helping you up and fixing what he can of your clothing. His touch is a soft caress, and you lean into it.

“Let’s get you home doll. I’ll make dinner and then you can be my dessert.”

[sae1549]

More very random head cannons. -SFW—NSWF-

Characters mentioned: Astarion, Gale, shadowheart, laezel, Wyll, Karlach, Minthara and Halsin +1

Content warning: hair pulling, oral f/recieving & m/recieving, knife play, size kink, predator/ pray kink.

Word count: 3.2k

Astarion

-SFW-

- He has a very gravelly voice in the morning that lasts around 25 minutes.

- He absolutely loves cats. And later you end up moving to the underdark, you both adopt a cat that is able to travel alone to get the things that they need. He sees it as your baby and treats it as such.

- He is the person you go to if you want any gossip. When you both get to the underdark I could see him becoming a bartender or something like that. Where he can swindle people of their money while having fun doing it.

- He can cook. Contrary to him not eating normal food anymore he was once human. But he will look over cookbooks for a while if you tell him that you would like to try his cooking.

- He dislikes flowers, of course he thinks that they are beautiful but they do not live long. He gets sad because he links that thought to losing you. So he tries to keep those thoughts away from him.

- He absolutely loves shoes, he can rant and rave about them, when everyone was in camp he would like to go up to gale the most. He really liked his shoes, even going as far as stealing them. Only to have a grumpy gale walking through camp with his arms crossed pushing Astarion over and taking his shoes back.

- Astarion has to clean himself in his bat form as well as his normal form. So he takes extra long in the shower. But he gets so fluffy!

- He starts seeing a therapist after everything is settled in the underdark.

- He loves to give forehead kisses.

- Astarion loves to be called beautiful!! Call him beautiful often!!!!!

- When you ask him what his natural eye color is he thinks about it for a while getting back to you telling you that they were a steel blue.

- He does not have many things, but he wants to some day. So without him noticing you slowly start to give him little things here and there. Like an extra bedroll that you had, a blanket. Some new pillows, candles, anything that you can find that you think he would like to make him more comfortable.

- He loves horror movie nights!!!!!!!!!

-NSFW-

Ascension ver.

- When he is ascended he does not care as much if you get off first.

- He would be a lot more rough, biting much more feverishly and more often.

- He would give you head, but he would not do it for long.

- He knows exactly how good you are feeling, but will make you tell him.

- He is the dominant one.

- He will take up multiple partners as he expects you to do the same. He would go out of his way to ask if you would want to add another partner into your nightly activities.

- His sex drive would increase greatly.

- He sets a brutal pace.

- He likes to tease.

- He would not fall asleep after doing it, but he would ask you about what you liked and how he did.

- He lets you rest your head on his lap to fall asleep after.

Gale

-SFW-

- Man can sing. But mostly does it when he is bathing or concentrating. Quite interesting to hear for the first time when you are in battle together. Singing in a tired gravely voice before shooting off another spell.

- He tried to convince Tara to let him dress her up in a cute little outfit one time. He left around 30 minutes later covered in scratches. That is to say he does not make those comments anymore.

- He likes painting from memory, yes he can control the weave but he would like to have some sort of proof if there was ever a day when he could no longer handle the weave any longer.

- When coming back from a particularly hard day, if you massage his shoulders a bit he will melt into a puddle and fall asleep.

- His favorite juice is apple juice.

- Always likes books more than movies. Does not matter if it is actually a good movie.

- He keeps photos of you on hand so he can show his students. And they know so much about you and he wants to ask if you would visit his class to shed some light on recent events. Totally not an excuse for him to see you more.

- He likes his food hot, even his salads. All food needs to be hot.

- Loves silver jewelry, his wedding ring is silver with purple stones embedded into the ring. You have the matching version obviously but it is a wide band with white and purple stones honored on the ring.

-NSFW-

- He is into pulling hair, if things are getting a bit more rough. You are sitting on his lap. Getting into a very heated makeout session, in a heated kiss his hand snakes up onto the back of your head, seating itself into your hair. The other hand softly rocking you back and forth. He breaks away from the kiss. “You are quite breathtaking my love.” He says through slightly labored breaths, he grips and gently pulls on the hair at the back of your head. Swiftly latching his lips onto your neck.

- He does like when there is a bit of lightheartedness while making love, but it is serious so he will always go back to being more serious.

- He likes to lay in the sun after finishing, watching as you also bask in the light, he thinks it makes you look ethereal.

- He would go at a moderate pace, and would not have very good rhythm when he first starts.

- He thinks it is a bit romantic to have music playing while enjoying eachothers company. So there will be soft piano playing in the background.

- He definitely uses magic, mage hand would come in handy, being able to bind your hands for a little rougher session.

- He does not own any toys, but would be okay with owning some if it helped you get off better. He would end up enjoying it immensely.

- Public sex is something that he could be talked into. As long as it is somewhere where less people are. But there is still the thrill of possibly being caught.

- He masterbates from time to time, it is not often. But if you are not around and he is fully alone then he would enjoy himself.

- His stamina is not very high, but he can fully please you and a little more if he is asked.

Lae’zel

-SFW-

- She would keep a collection of rusted or busted knives to fix while at camp. It helps her calm down plus it gives her something to look forward to.

- She would eat dinner at either 5 pm or 10 pm no in between.

- Talks to herself all the time. Saying she is the best therapist she knows.

- Her favorite color is Silver.

- She likes to read before she goes to bed.

- She also likes to sit on a high point at the camp to look at the stars.

- She would be an astrology girl. And would believe it completely.

-NSFW-

- She is the top.

- She is a biter, lightly gliding her teeth across your skin. She loves to feel you shiver from the touch she is giving you.

- She is not loud, and does not want you to be loud either.

- She would be 100% serious in bed. No laughing, no jokes.

- She has a moderate sex drive.

- She is a C cup.

- She would not fall asleep directly after having sex. She would wait until you fell asleep before she would sleep.

- She would have a small collection of toys that she would bring into your sex life.

- She has a lot of stamina, she would want to go more than one round if you are up for it.

Wyll

-SFW-

- He liked bugs when he was a kid.

- He really likes spicy food, and will go out with Karlach to find it.

- Has a very big sweet tooth, and loves to share it with everyone in camp. He has a whole pocket in his pack dedicated to sweets. Giving them away to children you may meet. It makes him feel extra happy if there is a group that he can give it to. But he has a special place for candy that you specifically like, which he gives to you when you feel down.

- He loves Halsin, and goes to him for advice about his father.

-NSFW-

- He loves sensual romantic sex.

- He could get off to kissing. You don’t even have to fully have sex to get him all riled up.

- Man is cheesy, he will set this up when you are living together. Setting out roses leading from the front door to your bedroom. When you walk into the bedroom it is enveloped in a warm soft glow of candlelight dancing over the horned man laying across your bed that is also covered in flower petals in the shape of a heart. “Welcome home my sweet.” He would say in a sultry voice, getting off the bed to meet you. Taking a rose off the table and handing it to you.

- He would be really good at praising you.

- “Tell me how good I make you feel.”

- He is not very experienced, but that is okay, he is very willing to learn.

- He likes things to be more serious in the bedroom, but a soft giggle or smile would not go missed.

- He would have a slow pace, he would want to take his time and enjoy every moment.

Shadowheart

-SFW-

- She loves yoga. And will do it every chance that she has downtime to do it. But it is mostly just her stretching.

- She would be a Hello kitty girl, and would own so many of the stuffed animals.

- She hates classical and post- disco music. But would love R&B and jazz music. Shadow heart in the garden with soft music playing in the background. She hums along while you are on the opposite side of the garden. This was an activity that you both loved to do. She would be dressed comfortably in a shin length skirt that was covered in loose soil. She turned the music on a little louder, swaying from side to side as you both worked together, sharing in kisses here and there. It was quite an eventful afternoon.

- she hates orange juice. Like genuinely hates it and will get upset if you give it to her.

- Likes a good cup of tea. With very little sugar. But if she were to have coffee she would want a lot of sugar but no cream.

- She wants a flower garden.

- She would end up being a plant girlie.

-NSFW-

-She is somewhat experienced. Having done it with a handful of people at most.

- She would get her nipples pierced. I think it would make her even more confident than she already is.

- She is very confident in bed, she is fully okay with taking charge or letting you take control.

- She would try almost anything once. Outside of things that would hurt her too bad.

- When you are in the comforts of your own home she is really into bondage. Being bound really excites her.

- She is serious while doing it, you can laugh during it. But she does want it to be a more serious moment shared between the two of you.

- She would prefer a faster pace, it would drive her wild.

-She is a B cup.

Karlach

-SFW-

- She gets very protective of scratch, he lays near her when going to sleep for a very long time.

- She loves going swimming since it cools her down. But will refuse anyone to go with her since the water around her would get way too hot. And possibly boil anyone going in there with her. But that is in fact how she has gotten you dinner before. When everyone was literally starving and going off wine and grape soup for the 4th day in a row. Karlach brings back fish. And sets them on the table. She announced that we will be having something different for dinner than the normal everyone was so excited that they forgot to ask. Later on that night she told everyone. And was met with a still silence. Before someone cleared their throat and everyone went right back to conversation.

- She would drink a lot of water to try and cool herself down.

- Her favorite color is Blue.

- She likes doing yoga to stay limber.

- She smells like Vanilla and Amber.

-NSFW-

- She is the top, no questions asked.

- She would have nipple piercings if she could. But her heat would have them melting to her skin. So she just settles for real and natural.

- She is not very experienced. Since she was always fighting for others she never got to find much pleasures of the flesh. But don’t worry she is a quick learner.

- She would definitely be goofy in bed, joking here and there. But does know when to be more serious.

- She would enjoy slow and steady pace, she would also enjoy taking her time. But also loves a brutal pace from time to time.

- She is a D cup

Minthara

-SFW-

- She would jump out and scare children if she could.

- I feel like she eats the crust first on pizza.

- Despises ranch.

- She ends up wearing glasses later in life.

- She would only eat while standing.

- She likes red wine, and will always ask if you would like to join her in a drink.

- She becomes softer and a bit nicer when you start to get close to her.

- She could fall asleep standing up. She is also a really light sleeper.

-NSFW-

- Scary in a hot way.

- She would be into knife play. Holding a knife to yours not the other way around.

- Top.

Her favorite part of her partner's body would be the neck. Thinking that it could be the quickest way to kill you in case you threaten her. But also that it is so sensitive and gives wonderful responses when kissed.

- Gives absolutely amazing head.

- She likes the predator prey dynamic, finding it quite thrilling to chase before taking what is hers.

- loves to see you in skirts (if you wear them) Or really tight fitting pants. And will tell you all about it in confidence later.

- She is quiet, she does not moan too much.

- She is very experienced, she has enjoyed many pleasures of the flesh. And is ready and willing to show you everything she has learned.

- She is very serious during the deed, there would be no laughing.

- Brutal pace or nothing. She wants to go hard and fast bringing herself and you to a high quickly before doing it again.

- She is a D cup.

Halsin

-SFW-

- He walks around barefoot. You question how his feet are still intact from all the rough places that you have traveled together.

- He literally sleeps on the ground for more than half of the time he is in your camp. I think he just didn’t know how to bring up that he didn’t have a bed roll and just waited till he could buy one. He will never tell you that though.

- He cannot handle spicy food in the slightest.

Likes plum juice, and would drink it all the time if he could.

- He has joint pain, so he sits on the ground to relieve a bit of the pain and stress off them. He will often ask if you would like to join him for a walk. When you say yes you both walk together for a few minutes before he sits on a rock in the woods. You sit down next to him and continue your conversation. For a long while. You knew why you had stopped, This had become a favorite spot to stop for him while you are in this area. Before he got up and continued walking. He would give you a soft warm smile as you walked holding hands.

- He will carve you small gifts and sneak them into your pack as long as you have the room.

- he would partake in the grass. But would be away from anyone else so they are not bothered by him.

- He likes fruit and vegetables over meat.

-NSFW-

- He is quite fluid, anything you want to do or try he would be down to do it.

- He loves when you kiss his neck, the tenderness will make him melt.

- His ideal place to do it is in a field of flowers, or a forest area where there is a soft patch of moss.

- He likes to bite, gently of course. But he gives soft nips and bites any part of their body. Loves leaving hickeys.

- We all know this man is experienced, he is ready and willing to give you all of that experience.

- He can be goofy during, he likes when things are lighthearted but sensual.

- Animalistic pace, or soft and sensual no inbetween.

- High sex drive.

- He only masterbates when he has not gotten action in a long time. But would find a very secluded area to do so.

- It takes him a long time before he falls asleep after. But when he does he sleeps like a rock.

- he thinks you being smaller than him is very hot. Definitely has a size kink.

A little extra…

Rolan

-SFW-

- He thinks it is funny when people try to cast magic and it fails.

- He ends up taking on an apprentice.

- When he has down time he would read all the books that were in the tower.

- When he would go back to his tower after the events of the game he would be sad seeing many of the books, but went in to look for survivors that may have been inside.

- He was a spoiled child, but he grew out of the spoiled attitude.

- He is only sweet in private.

- He would not be into PDA. But does kiss you when no one is looking.

- He wants to be able to teach people magic. But, would treat them all wonderfully. He would be a great teacher.

- He would smell like cedar and old books.

- When he blushes the blush spreads over his face and up to his ears.

-NSFW-

- His favorite part of his partner's body would be their hands.

- He thinks that it is so hot to cum on your face and chest. The thought alone would make him cream his pants.

- He is not experienced. He has not been able to experiment while on his travels.

- He is loud, his moans can be heard from a fair distance away.

- He loves to degrade.

- Power bottom on a good day. Bottom.

- He can get really shy when asking for alone time.

- He loves when you take charge and tell him what to do.

- He has moderate stamina. But will only want to go for one round.

- He will fall asleep soon after finishing the deed.

————————————————————————

I'm sorry for any of them being shorter than others. I have not been able to do all of their story lines yet. I am slowly working towards finishing them all. So if any of my head cannons are very off from the characters I am very sorry! Thank you!!

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day 21: The Concert

Every time they're not on camera I simultaneously feel so relieved for them and so upset that I don't get to watch. Messed up of me, but hey. Remember that slightly disturbing quote where Paul said he actually does believe he's kind of public property and he's fine with that?

He looks so determined. Like the fairy tale prince staring down the dragon or Enjolras about to hijack a funeral (Literally my baby was conceived after I watched this in IMAX so if that tells you anything about my feelings . . . I'm going to be annoying I'm sorry I can't help it)

Her legs look so good in those tights! I love that Mo came not because her boyfriend needs his mommy but because she wants to see them perform! Kissing her on the mouth right now.

Danger boy Paul!

Fun fact, I was this John for Halloween in 2021 to a college party. My hair was already like that, and I had dirty white keds and black jeans, so I just did fake sideburns, fake glasses, and a fake fur coat. I tried to get my best friend to be Paul. She wanted to be a hooker, and I was like “It’s the same thing!”

See, look at him and his whorish ways!

John’s little lip-bit smile. He’s so happy with himself nailing that solo. Cutie. 

Cocky boys. As they should be. I love when they’re proud of their work together. Get Back is 95% just Looks between John and Paul, isn’t it?

John and Paul instantly jump into their little “humble working class entertainers” act. You know what just occurred to me? You know how they talked about the “rattle your jewelry” comment backstage and Paul dared John to say it? I wonder if they talked about the “audition” comment too.

It really is a beautiful thing they’re doing. It’s lovely, watching everyon leave their desk jobs and their shopping and whatever else to sit in their fire escapes and congregate in the street and huddle together on rooftops. It really is just like the happy end in a sixties zeitgeist movie. 

All the girls nervous to be too enthusiastic after years of being made fun of themselves and watching others like them being mocked on TV. Let girls like things, damnit!

Mo jamming! I’m in love.

John mouthing Paul’s lyrics.

“Paul McCartney singing that. What a voice.” Literally me if time travel existed. 

“And if SOMEBODY loved me like she does,” Well, it is good manners to look at the person you’re talking to, I guess. But you do have an audience, John. And a mic and a camera. 

“Absolutely disrupt all the business in this area.” Yes! Get those blue meanies, boys!

“No lay rishi gahd blay bloojaygoo” should replace all the stupid quotes the Lennon estate puts on everything they sell. Then I’d actually want their shit. Paul trying to magic the words from his head into John’s there. Successfully, though.

That “Pleeeeeheeeeease” is one of the prettiest beatles vocal moments. I love it with all my heart. And clearly, so does Paul. Doing that thing he does, inappropriately thrusting into his bass. 

Oh my gosh it’s the song Paul and John do together on tour right now!

That “Yyyyyeeeeeah, yeaaaaaah!” (I mean the whole song, the whole concert, but especially that) does things to me. 

John’s extremely blurry, because he turned his head quick enough to give him whiplash there, sorry everyone. But look! They’re having the time of their lives! They just love performing together so much!

Everyone goes to check on their accumulating audience. (except Paul. Wonder what that’s about.)Ringo’s little pleasantly surprised smile is so so sweet!

It must be so fun for them to be performing One after 909 again after all these years. Bitter sweet with everything that’s changed since then. 

LMAO Kevin thank you for your service!

He’s a silly cutie.

The mic in the street asking that girl if she’d like them to come back every lunchtime. Imagine if they did? How cute would that be? Like back to their cavern lunchtime shows. Maybe that could’ve saved them.

Them playing God Save the Queen reminds me of that story where Brian was like, “This bigger manager wants to buy your contract from me, and I just wanted to be straight with you. They could probably get better deals for you.” and they were like, “If you sell us to him we’re only playing God Save the Queen from that moment on.” It’s probably a fake story, but that’s what it made me think of. 

I always think that quote of Paul’s is so strange, where he was like “I never got the chance to watch John while we were playing.” Like. What are you talking about, baby?

Literally “Uh. Yeah. Uh. Yeah.” Fucking his bass. Staring at John. Okay? And I’m not supposed to take that and run with it? I’m not supposed to assume from that that you want to fuck your songwriting partner?

I think he genuinely wants to get arrested. I really do. I think he wants them all to get arrested so they can finally be alone in a room together. A lovely cell for four. Just shimmying at them. And Billy looking at him like, Bro. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Paul’s “woo” and shimmy :: John’s “woo” and weird little kick move. And Paul looks so fond, of course. 

God bless Mal for stalling those little fucks as long as humanly possible. And Debbie! “Don’t actually go on the roof because it’s overweight.” Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss!

Absolutely LOVE John and George turning their amps back on. That’s right. You guys are what’s keeping the country going at this point, so if you want to play on your roof they better let you play on your roof and say thank you.

All the times when they just simultaneously turn to each other. Like, yes, this is our que to stare hungrily into each other’s eyes. 

My stomach just dropped at those words across the screen. “This was the Beatles’ last public performance.” We know, Peter Jackson. You don’t have to remind us. Jeez. 

John and Paul’s two very different but equally important leadership roles in the band at work here at the end of the concert. John delivers his iconic line, makes everyone laugh, and seals the band’s last performance with a very tight bow. Meanwhile, Paul’s climbing the gate to bypass the crowd and schmooze the police out of arresting Mal. 

THIS is sooo cute. Heads buried together and John’s very sweet, “‘s’matter? Hmm?” 

George is so cute here in the control room afterward. No wonder they don’t listen to his not wanting to do things, honestly, if he acts like this after. “What’s the law say why you can’t do that? Well how disturbing the peace? Yeah, I’m for taking over London. And every rock group in the world all on different buildings, playing the same tune.” Adorable.

Poor John. It breaks my heart that he doesn’t think his little lyric flub is funny. He’s disappointed in himself. I wish he could see that that’s one of the things everyone loves about him. George was grinning ear to ear about it. For fuck’s sake, that’s one of the reasons Paul fell in love with you in the first place. If only John could see himself the way we see him, you know? 

This little moment cracks me up. John always has to be mommy’s naughty little boy, and Yoko does a very sweet job of playing her part here. 

Linda and Paul are so touchy and clingy and it’s very romantic and I love that Ringo joins in and makes fun of them.   

The whole after-show glow for everyone was just so palpable and fantastic. I wish they could've gone on performing together. Clearly it made all of them very happy.

[sissylittlefeather]

Time for another Elvis movie character story!

Spinout: a Mike McCoy Story

A/N: So I lowkey love Mike McCoy from Spinout. Like, he might be my favorite Mike. He's definitely the one I watch the most! He's such a little shit, but he's so cute I'll allow it. Still, he needed to be brought down a peg, so please enjoy this unorthodox fic 😂

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, lots of sex in this one, kissing, cussing, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), p in v penetrative sex, unprotected sex, ejaculation, also they drink alcohol in a couple of scenes

Word count: ~5.8k (I know; it's long. But I think it's worth it)

(There are NO GIFS of Mike McCoy, which is criminal. I'll make a few and come back)

After he married off the three women that had insisted on marrying him, Mike McCoy went back to his life of singing, racing, and hooking up with any woman who was willing.

You start as his new drummer not long afterwards and it takes you about five minutes to realize what he's like. You are less than impressed, to say the least. Still, he's cute enough, so you flirt with him on stage when he comes back to play one of your drums. He winks, and you smile despite yourself, but you're not sold on him yet. Once the show is over, he comes to you, fighting off the crowd of women that's gathered around him.

"That was some show, kid."

"Oh, thanks." You start to pack up your drum kit.

"No, I'm serious. You're great. Would you like to-"

"No, thank you Mike." He blinks, confused.

"You don't even know what I was gonna ask."

"I feel like I do and I'm saying no."

"Okay." He looks at you funny and then goes back to the crowd of women.

The one thing that's changed since you came around is you demand that the group stay in motels instead of camping. He agrees only because it makes it easier for him to bring home girls.

You load up the car with the guys and then head back to your rooms. Mike has a girl in the front seat, so you squeeze in between Larry and Curly in the backseat of the Duesenberg. She giggles obnoxiously as you ride to the motel and you roll your eyes. Mike really is insufferable.

Back at the motel, you have your own room, but you share a wall with Mike. Needless to say, the girl he brought home didn't get any quieter once they reached the room. You put a pillow over your head and try to drown out the sounds. You know whats happening; you don't need sound effects.

When morning rolls around, the guys come to your room to eat the breakfast you've thrown together on the skillet you travel with. This was one of the stipulations to joining the band: you have to feed them. Mike shows up without the girl, thankfully. He smiles at you glowingly.

"You like tired, y/n. Couldn't sleep?"

"Was a little difficult with all that noise."

"Oh, I'm sorry honey, were we too loud?"

"Please don't call me honey. And yes." You go to walk away but realize you're in a small room and there's nowhere to go, so you head out the door to get some fresh air. You're out by the car when he catches up with you.

"What do you want, Mike?"

"I really am sorry, honey- I mean kid. I didn't mean to bother ya."

"Mhmm." You nod unconvincingly.

"Listen, why don't you let me take you out tonight after the show? Make it up to you?"

"You really don't need to do that."

"No, but I want to." You look up at him and do a quick appraisal. He's not really your type- too pretty- but he's not bad. His eyes are kind and his smile is sweet. You'd really like to see what he looks like without his hair fixed. And you haven't gotten laid in months. At least this way you wouldn't have to listen to him with anyone else.

"Oh, alright. Just one drink, though."

"Okay. I can work with that." You give him a half smile and head back into the motel room.

******

That night, after the show, you find yourself three drinks deep with Mike McCoy and you're having more fun than you expected. He's only had two drinks, but you go ahead and order a fourth one. Once you finish it, you lean over on his shoulder and intertwine your fingers with his. He looks down at you with the strangest expression on his face. But you don't care. He's warm and strong and he smells good and you're in the mood. When he decides it's time to go home, you grab the front of his jacket and pull his lips to yours. He backs away slowly, same strange expression on his face. He shakes his head a bit and then kisses you again quickly. You put your arms around his neck and slide your tongue into his mouth and he pulls back suddenly.

"Yeah, we need to leave."

"Whatever you say, Mikey." He hurries you out to the car, where he puts his hands on your hips and pulls you in for another deep kiss.

"I'm sorry, honey, I just didn't want to kiss ya like that in the bar." He kisses you again. You let him keep kissing you, he's not a half-bad kisser, so you hope it's a hint at things to come. Finally, he ushers you into the car and you drive back to the motel with your head on his shoulder and your hand in his lap. You can feel his erection through his pants, so you begin to stroke him gently. He grunts.

"Honey, you better be careful. You're gonna have to finish what you start."

"Oh, I plan to." He groans and kisses you again before turning back to the road.

When you get to the motel, he swings into a parking space and practically drags you out of the car and to his room. He gets the key in the door and the door open all without taking his lips off of yours. It's clear he does this a lot and you start to get excited that this might be a pretty good night.

He walks you backwards into the room and pulls your dress up and over your head in one move. You get off all four of his layers on top, though it does take longer than you expected. Once you're in nothing but panties and he has on his slacks, hardness straining against the crotch, he lays you down on the bed. He kisses your neck down to your nipple where he nibbles on one and teases the other with his fingers.

"Ow!" He pinches you just a little too hard.

"Oh god, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?"

"Yeah, it's okay though, just keep going." He keeps moving down your body, dropping hot kisses on your skin as he goes. When he reaches the place between your thighs, you lay back ready to enjoy the pleasure he's about to bring you. But after a few seconds you sit up on your elbows and look down at him. Based on the way he's moving his mouth on you, you'd guess this is the first time he's ever done this. You know that can't be right, though. Still, he's moving all wrong in all the wrong places. You're not quite sure how it's possible the be this wrong about what he's doing.

You let him do his thing, hoping that at some point he'll get to the right spot, but he never does. After way too long, he pulls back and says,

"Cum for me baby." And you'd love to. You really really would, but it's just not there and you're not the kind of girl that fakes it.

"Umm... I can't." He looks up at you confused and exhausted.

"What?"

"I said I can't."

"Oh..." He sits up and wipes his face with his hand. "Too much to drink?"

"Sureee..." You'll let that be the excuse. He seems to be okay with giving up and climbs up your body to line his cock up with your entrance. He's got a beautiful dick, so you hope that this part will be good, at least. But once he pushes into you, you lose hope for that possibility.

He's a jackhammer, and not a graceful one. He pounds into you relentlessly, but somehow also not passionately? He soldiers on, seemingly unaware of how bad he is and you let him, just waiting for it to be over.

"Is that good, baby?" He whispers as he slams into you over and over again.

"Mmm" you give him a half-hearted moan.

"Yeah, it's so good." He grunts and pulls out quickly to pump his cock and squirt his seed all over your stomach. Somehow, he doesn't even do that part right and it gets all over everything.

He rolls over onto his back next to you and you lay there wondering how on earth this is possible. The girl he was with last night sure sounded like she enjoyed it. Maybe it was a fluke? You're not sure you want to try it again though.

"Was that good for you, honey? Did you...?" Again, you're not one to lie to him, but you don't want to hurt his feelings. Still, there's really no other way to say it.

"No, not really." You say it quietly and he sits up, stunned.

"What?" You sit up too and try to ignore the fact that he hasn't cleaned you off yet.

"Well, do you want me to lie?"

"Maybe..." He runs his hand through his hair, legitimately puzzled.

"Can I get a towel or something?"

"Oh, sure." He gets out of the bed and gets a towel from the bathroom. "You want me to...?"

"No, you've done enough, thanks." You take the towel and use it to clean yourself off.

"Why didn't you say anything while we were... y'know... during...?"

"I don't know. How do you tell someone in the middle of sex 'hey, you're bad at this'?" You get out of bed and begin to put your clothes back on.

"That's fair."

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, Mike."

"Hey, can we not... tell the guys?"

"Sure. Goodnight." He walks towards you like he's going to kiss you, but you open the door and walk out, back to your own room.

******

The next few shows you play together are painfully awkward. He tries to flirt with you on stage like normal, but you pretty much ignore him. You're still not sure what to make of the weird sexual experience you had together. Part of you wants to give him an opportunity to redeem himself, but most of you is okay with letting it go. About a week after your encounter, Mike comes to you when the show is done.

"Hey, honey, are you mad at me?" You smile at him awkwardly.

"No, I'm not mad. Why?"

"You just haven't talked to me in a week."

"Oh, well, y'know..."

"Is this because of-" He mouths the next part silently. "...the sex?"

You sigh and put your hands on your hips.

"You want me to lie?"

"It is. Will you give me a chance to try again? Maybe with no alcohol this time." You seriously doubt that'll help.

"Mike, I really don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not?" He pouts and it's admittedly very cute.

"Mike...."

"Come on, please? Just one more chance. I'll make it worth your while." He steps close to you and looks down into your face. His eyes are mesmerizing.

"Um... " He leans in close and kisses you gently. Maybe you could give him one more try. When he pulls back, he smiles.

"Let me take you to dinner tonight."

"Okay. We can try this again." He kisses you on the cheek and then goes back to packing the car.

******

After dinner, you find yourself back in Mike's hotel room naked with him again. He lays next to you on the bed sweating and breathing heavily.

"That had to be better." You look at him and grimace. To his credit, he did try to add several position changes, but that just seemed to throw off his momentum and make it even more awkward. "You're kidding me."

"I'm sorry..."

"What the hell am I doing wrong?!" You look at him skeptically. You're not even sure where to begin.

"Oh, Mike, I'm sure it's just me." It's not you, but you're willing to accept the blame if it means he'll leave you alone.

"No. There's a reason girls don't sleep with me more than once. I always told myself it was because I didn't want to get attached, but they don't usually try again." He almost sounds like he's on the verge of tears. "You gotta help me."

"Mike, no..." He turns and looks at you.

"Please?"

"How would I even do that?"

"Teach me." You roll your eyes and look away from him.

"No."

"You're really gonna just let me go back out into the world like this?" You laugh and turn back to him. "You're doing a disservice to all of womankind, really."

"Maybe you could just keep it in your pants."

"Oh no, honey, you know that's not an option." He rolls onto his side to face you and runs his fingertips down your cheek. "Come on, it'll be fun. You can boss me around all you want."

"That is tempting." You roll over and look at him. He seems so genuinely desperate. "Okay, listen, I'll think about it."

He smiles and for the first time you notice how attractive he really is.

"Thank you, honey."

"I haven't said yes, yet."

"Well, thank you for even considering it." He has the strangest desire to ask you to stay in his room overnight. Thats totally not his style at all. He hasn't slept in a bed with a woman in years. Something about you is different, though. He's noticed it since the beginning, but it just gets stronger the more he's around you. Like he doesn't get tired of you and want you to leave.

You get up out of the bed and start to get dressed again. He watches you quietly. Once you're put back together you turn back to him.

"Goodnight, Mike."

"Goodnight, y/n. And thank you... for your honesty."

"Of course." You walk through the door and pull it closed behind you.

******

Two nights later, you play another show at another bar. Afterwards, you expect Mike to either do his normal hunting routine or try to come talk to you, but he doesn't do either. Instead, he sits at a table alone with a drink and looks at the crowd of people around him. You watch him stare down at his drink and then take a big swig. He looks so pitiful just sitting there by himself. Part of you wonders if this is an act for your benefit, but he seems to really be feeling down. When a girl walks up to him and starts flirting with him, you realize he's not acting. She's pretty, but he barely even smiles or looks up at her. His confidence is shot and it's your fault. The girl finally shrugs her shoulders and walks away. You make your way over to him.

"Alright, fine." He looks up at you nervously.

"Fine, what?" You roll your eyes impatiently.

"Fine, I'll teach you." He stands up and smiles a little.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Come on. Let's go." You hold your hand out to him and he takes it quickly, following your lead to the car. When you get there, you realize how excited he is and you hesitate.

"Mike, I'm not making any guarantees here. I'm not an expert."

"No, but you're obviously better than me. I'll take any kind of help I can get." You nod and he leans down and kisses you. He wraps himself around your waist and you put your arms on his shoulders. Suddenly, he stops and pulls away. "Wait. Am I bad at this part too?"

"No, surprisingly you're a pretty good kisser. So I know you have it in you. Somewhere."

"Oh, gee, thanks."

"Listen, if we're going to do this, you're going to have to be okay with me being totally honest with you." He straightens up and nods.

"Yes ma'am. I'm here to learn." You laugh a little and get in the car with him to drive to the motel.

******

"Okay, where do we start?" He asks almost as soon as the door to his room is closed. He's obviously eager. You think for a second about how to begin. You've never had to teach someone how to have sex before, so you're not exactly sure what to do. Then, you launch into a monologue about how every woman's body is different and just because you teach him yours doesn't mean he won't have to learn again with a new girl.

"Ah ha. That's where we start. You need to know how to read if you're on the right track."

"That seems like a lot of work, honey."

"You wanna get better or not?"

"Yes. Okay. So how do I know?"

"Well women will respond to certain things when they feel good."

"They usually do moan and say 'yes' and stuff." He offers. You purse your lips. These women are not helping.

"You know that's really easy to fake, right?" His mouth pops open. He had genuinely never considered that a girl might be faking pleasure with him.

"Noooo, I know what an orgasm sounds like." You roll your eyes and then start to moan. You gasp and cry out and moan even louder. You close your eyes and throw your head back, running your hand up your chest.

"Yes, yes, oh Mike, yes!" Then you stop suddenly and raise your eyebrows. When you finish your dramatic presentation he stands there with his mouth hanging open.

"Okay. Point taken." You sit down on the bed and he sits next to you. "So how do I know if it's real or not?"

"Look for body cues. Arching her back, grabbing the sheets, curling or flexing her toes. Also like, gritted teeth, faster heart rate and breathing. Sweating. It's hard to fake sweating."

"And if she does those things I should keep doing what I'm doing."

"Yes. Keep it steady, especially with your mouth. Like change it up a bit but if she doesn't respond then go back to what you were doing before." He nods.

"Okay. This is good. What else?"

"I'm not sure. You know what, just try to start and I'll stop you as we go." You gesture with your hands for him to touch you. He looks at you funny again and stays where he is next to you on the bed. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just got really nervous all of a sudden." He smiles awkwardly.

"We've already done this twice before."

"I know but I just... I know it'll be bad..." He looks down at his lap.

"Hey! Look at me." You put your finger under his chin and tip his face up to look at you. "You're trying to get better. That's good. You could just keep going only worrying about your own pleasure, but you're not. Give yourself some credit."

The way you talk to him fills him with a kind of warmth he's never experienced before. He has the urge to kiss you, but not because he wants to have sex with you. He wants to kiss you because he wants to feel connected to you. Gently, he reaches out and puts his hand on your cheek, leaning in to press his lips against yours.

The kiss is more tender than anything you've experience with him thus far and it makes your stomach flip flop. He parts your lips and dips his tongue into your mouth passionately. The intensity continues to increase as your mouths move against each other and, without thinking, you climb onto his lap and straddle him. He runs his hands up under your shirt and pulls it up over your head. He kisses down your neck and for a second you forget that you're supposed to be giving him lessons. But then he takes your bra off and grabs your breasts aggressively.

"Okay... stop." He pulls back and looks at you breathlessly.

"What?"

"You're grabbing my boobs like they're trying to get away from you. Slow down. Touch me to feel me. Think about the sensation in your fingertips." You take his hands and put them back on your breasts. He looks down at them and squeezes softly. Then, he carefully runs his thumb over your nipple.

"What about my tongue?"

"What about it?"

"Can I focus on that sensation too? Like this?" Leaning forward, he gently licks your nipple until it hardens and you moan softly. He ghosts his lips across to your other breast and gives it the same attention, running his thumb over the other one to keep it hard. Your breath quickens and you run your fingers in the back of his hair. He drags his tongue up your chest to your neck and nibbles on your earlobe.

"There. Was that better?" He whispers in your ear and you nod with your eyes closed.

"Yeah, don't stop." He smiles and moves his hands to your back, kissing the supple skin of your breasts. You grind your hips against him and he groans.

"What happens now?"

"Now you flip me onto my back and use your mouth."

"Yes ma'am." He stands up with you wrapped around him, turns, and then lays you on the bed. He continues the pattern of gentle kisses down your body to the top of your pants. You arch your back and moan again.

"Ha! You arched your back!" He sits up and his eyes sparkle with pride. Something about that really tickles you and you erupt in a cascade of giggles. He frowns. "What? You did! I'm paying attention."

"No, you're doing great. You're just really cute. But don't stop." He smiles again and kisses the place between your bellybutton and the button on your pants.

"Can I?"

"Yes please." He unbuttons your pants and pulls them down and off. Next, he slides your panties down and tosses them to the side. He goes to move his mouth down to your center, but you stop him.

"Okay, now, here, give me your hand." You use your finger to guide his to where your clit is.

"Oh!"

"You feel that? That's where you want to focus your attention. Like this." You show him how to move his finger over and around it and whimper with the pleasure. You move your hand away and he presses down a little too hard.

"No! Gentle pressure." He adjusts to be softer and a small moan escapes your lips. "Yeah, like that. Now, give me your hand again."

He stops what he's doing and you take his middle finger and press it into you.

"I haven't done this since high school."

"Oh lord." You laugh. "You should do it pretty much every time." He moves it in and out by himself and then adds a second finger.

"Like that, honey?"

"Mhmmm." He notices that your breathing picks up again. "Now put your mouth on me where you had your finger a minute ago."

He leans forward and presses his tongue to your clit.

"Oh fuck..." You moan and you feel him smile. He begins to move his tongue the way he had moved his finger over and around you and you grab the sheets and whimper. "Yes, Mike, just like that."

Your hips buck into his mouth and he pumps his fingers in and out as he licks you in a consistent pattern with more fervor. You feel the pressure of your orgasm start to build.

"Mmm mmmm don't stop." You whisper through gritted teeth. He does a tickling motion with his fingers and you groan loudly. He feels your walls flutter and he pulls back.

"Are you close?"

"Yes! Don't stop!" You put your hand in his hair and push his face back to your center. He smirks at your neediness and then goes back to licking you with a new determination. He feels your sensitive bud as it hardens in his mouth and your walls flutter around his fingers again. Finally, the coil of your orgasm snaps and your release spills out of you onto his hand as you shudder and pulse around his fingers. You feel the pleasure rush through you in waves that crest and fall as it crashes out to your fingertips.

"Mike, yes! Fuck!" You squirm under him as he continues to lick you. You run your fingers through the front of his hair and push him off of you. He sits up excitedly.

"Did I do it?! Did you cum?"

"Yeah! Can't you tell?"

"Well, after seeing and feeling that I don't think I've ever successfully done it before now. But I did it!"

"Aw, baby." You sit up and hold his face in your hands. He's unbearably sweet in his excitement. You pull him to you and kiss him, tasting yourself on his lips. He rips his jacket off and you tear at the rest of his clothes until he's as naked as you are. You line his perfect cock up with your entrance, but he hesitates.

"I don't want to do it wrong."

"Think of everything you've learned so far. Be gentle. Go slow. Feel the sensations instead of just driving towards an orgasm. And watch my body for cues." He nods and slowly starts to push into you. You moan as he fills you up and you stretch around him. He starts to pump in and out of you.

"Hmm." He makes a strange face again.

"What?"

"This feels so much better."

"Imagine that." You both smile and he kisses you again.

"Does it always have to be this slow?"

"No. You can go faster and really give it to me, but it needs to be because you're feeling the passion, not just because you're trying to rush through it."

"So, if I do this..." He holds one of your hips with his hand and picks up speed, slamming into you with increasing intensity.

"Yes. God, yes that's good." You grab him and kiss him deeply again and the passion builds between you. Both of you begin to sweat and he watches as your breasts bounce with his thrusts.

"Do you wanna get on top, maybe?"

"Yes." You push him backwards and he sits with his back against the headboard. You put one knee on either side of his hips and he grabs yours and lowers you onto his cock. You bounce on him and his hands go to your breasts again.

"God, honey, that's so good." You grind against him, pushing him deeper and deeper while he kisses your shoulder.

"You like that, baby?" You ask, moaning softly. Again, you forget you're supposed to be giving him lessons.

"I do. Is it good for you?" He asks as he runs his hand through your hair.

"Yes." He smiles.

"I'm gonna cum soon, honey."

"Okay. So when you do, try to direct it to one spot on my body."

"Yes ma'am. Where do you want it?" You pull off and lay with your stomach on the bed. He smiles and climbs on top of you, finding your entrance from behind. He starts with long, deep strokes as he kisses your back. After a few seconds, he picks up speed and reaches around you to gently squeeze your breast again as he continues to press his lips to your shoulder.

"I'm gonna cum. Oh, fuck!" He pulls out quickly and pumps his cock as he directs his release onto your lower back. "Yes, y/n, god, yes!"

He rolls over onto his back, his chest glistening with sweat. Without prompting, he jumps out of bed and grabs a towel to clean you up. He's still breathing heavily when he lays back down next to you and you roll over onto your side next to him. You put your hand on his chest and he grabs it and kisses your fingers.

"Was that any better?"

"That was much better."

"Yes!" He does a fist pump. You roll out of bed and start to gather your clothes. "You wanna stay?"

He's not sure where that came from or why he said it. All he knows is that something about you makes him feel relaxed in a way he never has before. He wants more of that feeling.

"Oh, umm, no thanks. I'll see you in the morning?" His smile falls a little bit.

"Yeah, sure." He gets up and puts his pants on to walk you to the door. When you get there, he pulls you to him and kisses you deeply one last time.

"Goodnight, Mike."

"You too, honey." He closes the door and then stands with his back against it. Why do you make him feel this way?

******

Even the guys notice that things between you and Mike have improved. You laugh and flirt and the next few shows you play have a better energy than they have in weeks.

What they don't know is you're giving Mike sex lessons every couple nights and have been for the last two weeks. He proves to be a pretty good student and he tries hard to implement what he's learned. Sometimes his attempts fail miserably, but you both just laugh and keep moving. He revels in the freedom he has with you to try and fail and still wind up in your arms again a few nights later. He's never really had a relationship before, so he's blindsided by the way he feels when you tell him you have a date and can't come to his room that night.

"But, honey, I thought we had a date?"

"Did you...? Do you..? Mike do you think we're dating?" He blushes a deep pink and goes back to packing up your drum kit, which he has started doing recently.

"No, I just..." His disappointment is palpable.

"Do you want me to cancel it?" You're not sure why you said that. You have no reason to actually date Mike McCoy.

"No! No, it's fine. I'm fine. Have fun." He finishes packing up and goes to get a drink. There's a weird feeling of guilt or sadness or something that settles in your stomach.

Mike decides it might be time to test out what you've taught him, so he goes to the bar and starts chatting up several different girls. He's not feeling particularly drawn to any of them, though, and he starts to really wish you were there. Still, by the end of the night, he's narrowed it down to a sweet little thing with blonde curls and big blue eyes.

Back at the room, she kisses him and he tries to remember everything you've taught him. He imagines your voice telling him to be gentle and go slow and really feel the woman he's touching. Eventually he opens his eyes and he sees you instead of the girl he's actually with. Suddenly, it gets easier to remember your lessons. He reads her body for cues and adjusts as necessary, just like you said, but he still can't get the image of you out of his head. She makes all the right noises and he can tell that her orgasm is authentic. But what should've made him glow with pride really just disappointed him that it's not you he's doing this with. He shakes his head to try to refocus and goes back to what he's doing. But when he cums, he has to work very hard not to moan your name.

He rolls onto his back, sweating and she laughs.

"That was incredible." He pops his head up.

"Really? You're not just sayin' that?"

"No. That was amazing." She rolls onto his chest. "I could stay. We could have round two in the morning?"

He's never had a girl volunteer to stay and have sex with him again. Something about what you taught him worked. He knows he should say yes, but he just can't. The only woman he wants in his bed is you. So, he does something he's never done before and says no to sex with a pretty girl, sending her on her way confused and disappointed.

He hopes your date was really bad.

******

The next morning, you do a morning walk of shame and the guys are already in your room waiting for breakfast. Mike looks at you, tries to say something but can't, and then looks away quickly. The other two laugh and make jokes about you showing up in clothes from the night before. You're surprised when Mike doesn't join them.

"Shut up, guys." Honestly, he's tired of thinking about you with another man, but he knows that can't be his excuse. "Y'know, just... leave her alone."

The rest of breakfast goes by in awkward silence.

As you go to leave the motel and travel to your next destination, Mike grabs you and pulls you aside.

"How was your date?"

"Oh it was gr-"

"Never mind. I really don't want to know. My night was terrible."

"Oh? What happened?"

"I brought a girl home."

"Ohhh and you forgot everything I taught you?" He purses his lips.

"No. I remembered everything. It was great. She wanted to stay and do it again."

"I'm confused." You shake your head, puzzled. Mike looks like he might explode if he doesn't open his mouth and say something, but he also stays quiet. He shifts from one foot to the other nervously. "Mike, just-"

"She wasn't you." Your mouth pops open.

"She wasn't me?"

"No. The whole time I just kept thinkin'... I just wanted you." You're not quite sure what to do with this information.

"Mike..."

"I think I want..." He looks up at the sky and sighs deeply. "I think I want to, y'know, be with you."

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Or my wife. Someday. I don't know I just know that I want you. For a long time. And I don't want anyone else to have you. Ever." You stand there staring at him in shock. Did he really just say wife?

"I thought you didn't want to get married."

"Yeah, I know, but then I met you. And I need you with me, so I think that means we should get married, right?" You laugh a little. He really might be the cutest man you've ever encountered.

"I think it means we should try being in a relationship first. And maybe that'll lead to marriage."

"Are you saying yes?" You think long and hard about your answer. But you'd be lying if you said you weren't thinking about Mike the whole time you were with your date. There's just something about him. You imagine walking down the aisle to him at the end of it in a tuxedo. There are worse things.

"I'm saying yes... to the girlfriend part! We'll see about the marriage."

"Really, honey?" He's practically giddy with excitement.

"Yes." He picks you up by the waist and spins you around. Then he sets you down and kisses you deeply. When you pull back, you look up at him and smirk. "You need more practice anyway."

******

The End

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @60svintage @deltafalax @aliypop @rjmartin11 @your-nanas-house @tacozebra051 @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @louisejoy86 @from-memphis-with-love

[wol-fica]

-𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝔸𝕟𝕕 𝕀-

parings - jennaortega x singer!fem!reader

summary - you realize your relationship with jenna seems to be crumbling, so you do something about it

warnings - weird therapist, some percy diss, but that’s it :)

an - :) ————————————

“Relationships can be hard, and arguments are a normal thing all people go through.” 

You sighed, fidgeting with your fingers while searching for anything to look at besides your therapist. 

The reason for today's sudden visit was because you felt like your relationship with your girlfriend was going downhill. You understood that life can be tough sometimes, but this was much too stressful for you to keep bottled up.

“Can you tell me some specific reasons why you believe your dating life is struggling?” Your therapist asked, giving you an encouraging smile.

“Well,” You readjusted on the couch, “It just feels like I’m trying way too hard to keep us together, when I shouldn’t be.”

“I understand.”

“Having a girlfriend shouldn’t induce stress or anxiety, it should be fun and enjoyable.” You went on, now feeling like letting all your worries out, “I get that she has a job; I do too! But that isn’t an excuse to treat me terribly….”

“Yes, I agree.” Your therapist said as she jotted down some notes in her book, “You are still pursuing singing right?” 

You nodded, smiling at the thought of your recently ended tour. Traveling the world was very exciting, and you loved experiencing different cultures along the way. The only wish you had was that Jenna would have been beside you; But like always, she put work first.

“So think about this. You have a job that takes you around the world, causes you to miss out on certain things but be included in newer things like events and shows?” 

You nodded again, confirming the description of your work.

“And Jenna’s job consists of…exactly the same thing.” 

You let out a shaky breath, turning to look at the ground sadly. It was true, you both had time consuming jobs that dragged you about the globe and took your time away from family and friends.

Yet somehow, you always made sure to have time. You would always tell your manager that family was first, and no matter what you would squeeze them into your schedule just so you could see them and feel at home while traveling or working. 

Jenna’s job was similar in the aspect of yours, minus the singing and dancing, but she never seemed to be able to make any time for you. You would always plan your off days to be on her off days from filming so you could maybe go get lunch or just enjoy each other's presence, but Jenna would always have the excuse of “I’m to tired” or “I already have plans with Percy.” 

Percy. The name was distasteful to you. As much as you appreciated his skill of acting and his wonderful personality, you still didn’t like him. He would always weasel himself in between you and Jenna, whether it be during her relaxing days or at award shows, he always pushed you out and brought her in. 

“I have an idea; you may or may not like it.” Your therapist stated, setting her notebook down, “You need to pull her aside, no matter what plans she has, and talk to her.”

Your eyes widened and your nerves proceeded to spike. Pull her aside? You were not a confrontational person, and you were most likely to avoid conflicts if you were given the chance; hence why your relationship is crumbling.

“What do I say to her?” You fought back, taking a sip of water, “I have no idea how to confront her. ‘Hey Jenna! I feel forgotten and like you don’t care anymore!’” 

A small sob escaped your mouth, your head falling into your hands. God, you missed her. You missed being able to hold her, to laugh about stupid soccer plays, to enjoy sunsets together on her balcony. You never knew how much of an impact she had on you until you started going to therapy.

“Don’t get emotional about it, just politely but firmly ask.”

You sniffled, raising a hand as an acknowledgment before getting up to leave the room. As much as you wanted to stay, you knew that if you were going to confront her you would need to do it now.

Pulling out your phone, you opened your text message app and clicked on Jenna’s contact.

A chuckle involuntary left your mouth, your lip slipping in between your teeth afterwards.

Jenna always knew how to make you laugh, no matter how you were feeling. Diffusing a situation is one of her many skill sets; but you were not letting her get away this time.

“I’ll be home in 5.” You texted before shoving your phone into your pocket and heading outside to your driver.

The ride seemed long, and even though it was a 15 minute drive to your place, you still felt the small confident monster roaring inside of you. All its pleas and cries were telling you to be bigger and let your emotions out onto Jenna; but you knew you couldn’t. You would scare her, anger her, or even just annoy her that she could possibly leave you on the spot; you couldn’t let that happen.

“Miss? We are here.” Your driver said, looking at you in the rearview mirror.

“Oh, thank you.” You replied before hurrying out of the car.

As you walked to the front door, passing Jenna’s black Audi along the way, your anxiety started to overtake you and your thoughts.

What if you say something wrong and she leaves? What if you are just overreacting and this is all some stupid act you’re pulling? What if she decides that you aren’t enough for her and she confesses about Percy?

A wooden blockade hit you in the face and you realized that you walked full force into the front door.

“Ow.” You mumbled before pushing your key into the slot and walking into your luxurious living room.

A mansion was one of the very gracious things you received from being such a popular face in the music industry. Money was an easy-coming item, and spending it was just the same, so why hold it all in your bank account when you could just show up and show out with your 102,000 square foot palace.

“Y/N?” Your name was called out softly, startling you from your place by the shoe nook.

You turned your head to the left to see her, in her ever standing glory. She looked slightly confused but all together relaxed, and was clearly dressed to be heading out for a fun night.

”Hi…” You said, completely unmoving as you stared at her.

“Hi…you wanted to talk?” Jenna asked, fidgeting with her phone.

“Oh, yeah. Here.” You gestured to the kitchen island, leading to sit on a stool.

She sat opposite from you, leaned against the cool countertop as she seemed to study your body language.

“So…” You trailed off, your confidence from before completely burned out.

Jenna raised an eyebrow at you, but turned to her phone when a notification went off. She clicked it, smiled, and started giggling as she replied to whoever messaged her.

That whole interaction set you off, especially since you saw who the person was; Percy.

“Jenna put your phone down, please.” You said sternly, staring at your hands.

She looked at you with a confused expression but slowly put her phone down, retracting her hand so it sat in her lap.

“We…are not okay.” You started, playing with a ring on your finger.

Jenna watched you patiently, listening intently to your words.

“I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like we aren’t what we used to be.”

Silence from her end.

“Many times I feel like you don’t seem to care about me.” You said, the ring on your finger was now very interesting, “I go out of my way to reschedule so my off days line up with yours, but we don’t even spend any of that time together.”

More silence.

“I feel under appreciated and alone. Anytime we have free days together, you either say you are too tired to do anything or you already have plans with your friends.”

You inhale, breathing shakily and meekly.

“Am I not enough for you?” You asked, your tear clouded eyes finally looking up at Jenna.

She looked, shocked. Her mouth was hanging open while her eyebrows furrowed in confused and disbelief. She stared at you, her eyes glossing over with her own tears and her shoulders slumping sadly.

“Y/N…what?” Jenna mumbled, clearly lost for words.

You searched her face for any sign of anger or annoyance; there was none. Surprisingly, she seemed to be softening and relaxing.

“You, are more than enough for me.” She said, reaching for your hand, “Hell I don’t even deserve you.”

The weight of all your worries instantly lifted when she spoke those words, which caused an avalanche of emotions to hit you.

“Aw honey.” Jenna cooed, pulling you into her chest when you started crying profusely.

She stroked your hair, pressing a loving kiss to your forehead. Her fingers began to scratch your scalp as she coaxed you to relax.

“I love you, god I really do.” She held you close, rubbing your shoulders, “I’ll never take you for granted.”

You sniffled, leaning yourself into her as she fed you comforting words. Your stress and anxiety seemed to melt away as she held you.

“I’m sorry if I pushed you away, I didn’t mean to do it on purpose.”

You pulled back slightly, looking up at her.

“Then why did you?” You asked softly.

Jenna smiled sadly, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

“Filming has been…stressful. Tim and the rest of the crew has been antsy, and my cast mates have been no help in being calm and collected.” She said, caressing your face with the pad of her thumb, “I’ll be honest, Percy and the gang have been partying to much, and HE is quite the touchy type.”

You frowned, jealousy building up in the bottom of your stomach at the thought of Percy getting to close with your girlfriend. Jenna chuckled at you, pressing a quick kiss to your lips to diminish the pout that formed on your face.

“Don’t do that, a frown doesn’t look good on you.” She said, rubbing her nose against yours as you laughed.

“Mmm, I love you.” Jenna murmured as she gazed into your eyes.

“And I love you.”

————————

tag list: @i984 @fall-08 @tundra1029 @simp4thena @king-scarlet @dreifhraniquo29 @efectoangel @annalestern @alexkolax @k1mba @i-love-u15 (comment below to join the tag list!)

i do not give anyone permission to repost or copy my work onto any platform

[fellow-travelers-fic-recs]

Fellow Travelers Fic Recs | February Recap

February was the month for fluff! And boy, did this little fandom need it! So many wonderful fics this month, but I've highlighted the Top 20 that've stuck with me the most. Some Valentine's fluff, fake dating fun, our first Frankie/Marcus main pairing fic, smoking hot smut, a couple outstanding outsider POVs and a few phenomenal tearjerkers. A little something for everyone! ♦️ More fic recs can be found at the fic register, here. Not quite what you're looking for? Tell us what you had in mind, here! -> 💌 ✍️ In addition to the fics highlighted below, there were many new additions to the Promise You WILL Write collection. Check them out here! If you're feeling inspired, please visit the collection to leave a prompt for someone to write or take one for yourself… All are welcome! You can check out their page @promiseyouwillwrite for more info.

💞 February is for lovers... and domestic fluff... and slow dancing... and clothes sharing...and so much more! How do I love thee, let me count the weeks... is a month-long Valentine's Celebration and fic collection based on different prompts each week and hosted by @fellow-travelers-events. 💜 Check out my round-up's for Week 1, Week 2, and Week 3.

♦️ Yours forever anyway by @bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) [G, 733] Hawk and Tim dance together.

♦️ Mad about the Boy by @redmyeyes | redmyeyes [E, 5K] “Tell me,” Hawk said, tilting Tim’s head back to give his forehead a quick kiss, “what does my boy want for his birthday?”

“Am I still? Your boy?” Part 3 of Fellow Travelers

♦️ Love Is An Angel Disguised As Lust by Anonymous [E, 2K] Hawk's eyes darkened, from outshining the daytime sky to rivalling the night. His lips curved into a wicked smirk. If Tim didn't know better, he might suspect he'd just played right into Hawk's hands.

"Educate me."

That wasn't exactly what Tim had intended. But, his attention caught by the glint off Hawk's wedding ring, Tim decided he could work with that.

Or, The edging fic that's probably sixty percent soft.

♦️ Rail me until I can't stand by @carnivalrow | nightfall_in_winter [E, 5K] Various missing scenes from episodes 1 and 8. Chapter 1 - Hawk's POV of their last time before Hawk's betrayal. Chapter 2 - Tim's POV of the same scene. Chapter 3 - A missing scene from Episode 1. Hawk is Tim's first because Skippy never went all the way with Bob…

♦️ Beguiled Again by @bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) Tim comes home late, finding Hawk asleep and wearing his shirt.

Part 6 of Bravery | Part 3 of FT Valentine's Month

♦️ I Sing the Body Electric by telescape8💠 [M, 20K, WIP]  Modern AU. It all starts on Election Night 2016. Tim falls hard. Hawk falls harder.

♦️ All Tied Up With Nowhere To Go by @jesterlesbian | captainquint [E, 2K] “Are they too tight?” Hawk asked, tugging on Tim’s wrists.

Tim’s wrists were, at that moment, bound to the headboard of Hawkins Fuller’s bed by some carefully knotted neckties. Tim was struck by the thought of Hawk wearing one of these ties to work on a later day, becoming distracted in his office thinking of what they had done with them on this night. His mouth twitched up at the corner.

“Hey, are you listening to me?” Hawk placed a hand under his chin and tilted Tim’s face towards Hawk’s own. “This is important, I don’t want to hurt you.”

Tim rolled his wrists and wiggled his fingers to show they were fine. “I’m not made of glass, Hawk, you don’t have to treat me like I’ll break.” Or, Hawk teases a tied-up Tim

♦️ Till I Come Marching Home by Anonymous [G, 3K] Hawk spends his last day before deployment with Tim.

♦️ Please tell me now by @thewindyoubargainedfor | thewindyoubargainedfor [G, 1K] When Marcus arrives in San Francisco, he knows the first thing he needs to do.

♦️ You should be in my space (you should be in my life) by @startagainbuttercup |  startagainbuttercup What if Tim let Hawk touch him during their mutual masturbation session? Part 2 of FT Valentine's Month: how do i love thee, let me count the weeks...

♦️ Two Old Men at Grubstake on Pine by @vespersong | vespersong Hannah's story of the two old men at Grubstake Diner, in 1980s San Francisco.

♦️ A Disaster Beyond Measure by drabbleswabbles💠 [NR, 8K, WIP] Hawkins Fuller is a campaign manager with a PR disaster on his hands. The solution involves pretending to date none other than Timothy Laughlin.

Featuring: unrealistic portrayals of the life and job of a campaign manager for the sake of the fake dating trope.

♦️ Again, only better by @madsmeetsmisha | madsmeetsmisha [M, 14K, WIP] Hawk had no idea what was really going on here. All he knew was that he was back in 1954 and a completely distraught Tim was standing outside his door. And he also knew that he certainly wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

♦️ The gold of the dusk and the dawn by @redmyeyes | redmyeyes [M, 3K] Valentine’s Day, 1954

Part 4 of Fellow Travelers

♦️ Stay With Me by Joycee💠 [M, 10K] A week after Hawk goes home from San Francisco, he gets a phone call.

♦️ Down the road, later on, you will hate that I never gave more to you (than half of my heart) by @behindthesefangirleyes | SilverShadow1 [G, 1K] “I lied.”

Hawk isn’t sure what that means or if he’s brave enough to unpack it.

“About what?”

“Same as you,” Lucy says. “About myself.”

Or, Hawk learns about Tim's letter

♦️ psalms 40:2 by @thewindyoubargainedfor | thewindyoubargainedfor [NR, 3K] Tim arrives in his hospital room, and it’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to Roger in weeks.

♦️ Where No One Else Can See by @bluebellsinburbank | ConsumingLove (Bluebellstar) [G, 2K] Marcus once said Hawk was a damn good liar. And the first step in being the best damned liar that ever set foot in Washington, was the necessity of being able to lie to yourself.

Hawk had been lying to himself for so long - about so many things - even he didn't think he would know his own truth if it was laid bare before him.

Until soft brown eyes and a kiss that tasted like milk and eternity.

Until Skippy.

Or, How Tim's touch made Hawk realise a certain fact.

♦️ Sands of Time (Turn Backwards) by @brouill3r | brouiller [NR, 17K, WIP] 1987 Hawkins Fuller is full of regrets for the life he's lived, though Tim once told him he regrets nothing. Hawk so wishes he could say the same.

♦️ A Patchwork Life by @likerealpeopledo-on-ao3 | Likerealpeopledo Hawk spends time in San Francisco after Tim's death in order to keep the promises he made at the gala.

The events take place in canon between Tim's death and Hawk's visit to the quilt in October 1987.

💠 Authors: If your tumblr (or other socials) isn’t linked, and you'd like it to be, let me know and I'll be happy to add it. Or, if you are linked, and you'd rather not be, please contact me to remove it.

✨ Show the authors plenty of love with your comments and kudos on the fics you enjoyed after reading! Likes are lovely, but please reblog to share this content with your mutuals! ✨

[lurkingshan]

You know I’m loopy, so here goes: top 5 things that were bad about Only Friends, with a bonus of one good thing that stood out.

Oh I see you decided to work out your travel frustrations by choosing violence. I approve and will absolutely play along. Only Friends lovers (is that still a thing?) look away, I am not gonna be nice!

The Casting

This show should not have been cast with branded pairs, full stop, and in fact the original intention was that it wouldn't be. But as a result of the pairs being added, the writing became hamstrung by the need to protect their BGP and deliver fanservice instead of a good story. It sucked all the life out of the show.

That Theme Song

Terrible. Y'all stans can lie to yourselves if you want but I know good music and that was absolutely not it. And don't even get me started on them letting First sing in this show, my ears may never recover.

Confusion in the Writers Room

It was often evident that the different writers on this show did not share the same interpretation of the characters, which resulted in a lot of confused characterization and wobbly story arcs. Even before the finale pissed everyone off, these cracks had been showing for weeks, and only one of the three main arcs was actually holding together (until the finale blew that one too), with some of the characters feeling like completely different people from week to week. Part of the reason we had so much back and forth in the discourse about how to interpret the characters is because the show itself did not have a clear handle on most of them.

The Politics

SIGH. I have already written about this a bunch so I will not belabor the point, but the fact that this show turned out to be such a sex shaming, monogamy pushing, weirdly prudish and anti-queer story is one of the biggest disappointments of the year, and really cooled my trust in Jojo's future projects.

A Truly Egregious Waste of Jennie Panhan

Why would you put her in this show only to give her so little to do?? Yo was a hell of a lot more interesting than whatever that was they did with Boeing, and I wish they'd given her better material.

BONUS: One Good Thing

It was really fun to have a big ensemble show like this with different characters and relationships for people to latch onto, and the fandom discourse was mostly a fantastic time. I wish the show had lived up to the hype so it didn't have to end on a sour note, but I still had a lot of fun for the three months it was airing.

Oh and of course, their ending not withstanding, we'll always have Paris.

Ask my top 5 anything in bl

[ifidiedinadream]

Since requests are open, how about a «we’re platonic and we agreed to sharing a room, but there’s only one bed and things are a bit awkward» with aleksi x reader? Feel free to end it on a smutty note 👀

here it is, my masterpiece 😂😂

i kinda lost control of it i hope you like it anyway

also on ao3

You didn’t think much of it when you were making plans to see Bring Me The Horizon earlier that spring, when none of your other friends seemed like they could make it to the show. You didn’t think much of it when you traveled to the foreign city together, or while you were in line to enter the festival.

But when Follow You starts playing, the gravity of the situation dawns upon you at once.

Maybe it’s because live music intensifies emotions. Maybe it’s the suggestive light show, or the way Oli sings it differently than the other songs, all huddled up on one side of the stage, in a way that seems very raw and intimate.

Maybe it’s because the crowd forces Aleksi and you to stand closer than you’ve ever been. Maybe it’s how you keep glancing at him instead of the big screen showing the band, the lyrics drawing you to the man next to you, making you long for a touch.

Maybe sensing vicinity, maybe out of fear of losing you in the crowd, Aleksi snakes an arm around your waist. He’s already looking at you when you turn to him.

‘Cause I’m telling you

You’re all I need

I promise you

You’re all I see

Everything happens quickly. Aleksi is kissing you and you’re high on the kiss and the music. You catch his lips again when he makes to part, and he snorts and you giggle, but then he’s deepening the kiss with tongue and your body is melting, dissolving into the music all around you and inside you. Just you, Aleksi’s kiss, his hands on your waist, a heightened sensitivity to every little touch. There might be thousands of people in this field with you, but it’s actually just him and you. It’s better than a dream; it’s how it was supposed to be all along.

I will follow you

I will follow you

Aleksi’s touch leaves your side a few songs later. You don’t kiss again, and after a while it’s like nothing ever happened. You focus on the music, singing along, screaming, headbanging, watching the spectacular show the band is playing. Aleksi is having just as much fun beside you. You don’t have a care in the world and the show is cathartic.

However, all good things must come to an end. When the show is over, the adrenaline slowly makes room for embarrassment, and your head fills up with thoughts of the what if type. The ones that make you go silent.

Aleksi doesn’t look any better. Normally, you wouldn’t hesitate holding hands to avoid losing each other in the crowd on your way out of the venue, but now neither is reaching their hand out to the other.

Getting to the car is a nightmare, as it always is after festival nights. You and Aleksi manage to never lose sight of each other, even if you’re somewhere else entirely now with your thoughts – or not entirely, just a few kilometers back, in the middle of the pit of the Bring Me The Horizon show, passionately making out with your friend and happier than you’ve ever been.

Do I like him like that?

You get in the car, in the passenger’s seat. Outside the window, exhausted yet happy emos are wandering the parking lot. Many of them are wearing the black and blue t-shirt.

“Fuck.”

The car doesn’t start. Aleksi turns the key again and again, but you have too much on your plate now to even get alarmed.

“Should we call someone?”

Aleksi runs a hand through his hair. He’s good-looking, that’s for sure. His side profile especially.

“Helsinki is hours away. It’s way too late.”

Aleksi tries starting the car one more time. It fails.

“Let’s get a room nearby. We’re exhausted. We’ll figure it out in the morning.”

Aleksi hastily takes the key out of its place under the steering wheel. He’s biting the side of his cheek.

“Okay.”

You leave the car. You’re browsing the app for accommodation and hotels on your phone, and while there seem to be a couple of places near at hand, they’re either fully booked or ridiculously expensive – as it was to expect on a festival day. Aleksi is behind you, looking at your phone over your shoulder.

“Or maybe we could get an Uber…” he says.     

You keep searching.

“Uber doesn’t serve this area. Car sharing isn’t doable either, and the last train to Helsinki departed an hour ago.”

I almost sound like I don’t want to go home.

“Hey, look at this!”

There’s a hotel with an available room, and it’s fifteen minutes on foot from the parking lot. The price is fair. You look for feedback in Aleksi’s tired eyes.

“Yeah, sounds good to me.”

Relieved after finally settling on a solution, you book the room and switch apps to Maps.

Fifteen minutes feel like two hours on your swollen, aching feet (and the exhaustion is a perfect excuse for not talking at all, although your mind goes a hundred kilometers an hour for the whole duration of the walk), but once you’re there, you can’t help but sigh in relief. Aleksi resists the urge to throw himself on one of the chairs in the lobby, following you to the reception desk. You proceed with check-in.

“The room you booked is the only one we have left for tonight, but it has only one bed. Is it still okay?”

“One bed as in, one double-bed?”

“It’s actually a queen-sized bed.”

Aleksi’s eyes widen, and you’re pretty sure you match his expression. He turns to you  and you look at him back. You’re waiting for him to decide. However, his questioning look suggests he’s waiting for you to decide.

“It’s okay, yeah,” you say, but it’s mostly because the silence is making you nervous.

You finish up the bureaucracy-related stuff. The receptionist gives you the key to the room and wishes you a nice stay. You hope you’ll be too tired to even think of the current situation once your body so much as touches the mattress.

You enter the room. The bed is smaller than you thought.

“So, uhm,” Aleksi starts, “I can sleep on the chair if you –”

“Don’t be silly. Why would you sleep on the chair?”

“It’s a bit…”

“Awkward?”

“Awkward, yeah.” Aleksi scratches the back of his neck. “Also, there is no air conditioning and I kind of sleep naked, not that I have nightwear with me to change into, anyway.”

Neither do you.

“I see.”

“I’m used to sleeping in bunk beds. A chair for a night won’t be a problem.”

You feel sorry though. That chair looks everything but comfortable.

Aleksi excuses himself to the bathroom. You take your clothes off, they’re too dirty and sleeping in them would be gross. When Aleksi comes back, he’s only in his underwear just like you are.

Heat rushes to your face. Suddenly the parquet floor is extremely interesting. Aleksi turns around, rummaging in his bag he put on the desk.

Is it wrong to want that body close to mine?

It’s your turn to use the bathroom, so you go and wash your face, hoping it’ll help relieve whatever it is that’s going on in your head and body. It doesn’t do much.

When you come back, Aleksi is sitting on the chair, legs in a position that truly can’t be comfortable, even by his standards. He’s on his phone, a cable connecting it to the socket under the desk.

“There’s no way you can sleep like that.”

Aleksi shrugs, eyes never leaving the screen. “I’ve seen worse.”

You walk over to him, put a hand on his knee to get his attention. There’s a blush on his cheeks.

“Hey. You can sleep in the bed with me. It’s not a problem for me, if it’s not a problem for you.”

Aleksi puts his phone down, looking at you intently. “Are you sure?”

“I am.”

Aleksi lets out a sigh and gets up. You put your phone to charge and go to bed. Aleksi waits until you’re comfortable to join you. You turn the light out before you can get used to the sight of Aleksi lying next to you.

“Goodnight, then.”

“Goodnight.”

You’re lying on the very edge of the bed, and since your body isn’t touching Aleksi’s at all, you figure he’s doing the same. It isn’t comfortable; it feels like you could fall at any second.

You take courage and lie properly. Aleksi scoots even farther.

“You don’t… have to risk falling off the bed,” you say into the darkness. You hope it doesn’t come across as eagerness, but as worry for him. Right now you’re not even sure which one is prevalent.

Aleksi waits a second, then finds a more comfortable position. You smile to yourself. Your shoulders are touching, and you feel his calf with your foot. It’s so little, yet it makes your heart race, and the funny feeling in your chest prompts you to reach your hand and grab his own, lying inert in between your bodies. Your heart is beating even faster, especially since Aleksi doesn’t seem to react at first; maybe he’s scared, maybe he’s already sleeping – but then he holds your hand back, caressing its back with his thumb.

You want more. You need more.

That hand, you slowly bring it to the center of your chest. This way, Aleksi will know what effect he has on you. This way, maybe he’ll realize it is what he wants too.

Aleksi lifts his head, props up on his elbow to look down at your face. The glint in his eyes is visible in the dark; his labored breathing tickles your chin. It feels like an eternity, but one of the beautiful kind – an eternity you want to experience, live to the fullest, one that will gift you with precious, soft, gentle times. One you waited all your life for.  

Just like that, Aleksi kisses you. You’re quick to grab the back of his head, so he doesn’t pull away if he suddenly realizes what’s going on. Your other hand finds his side, and you pull him closer to you, wishing that he’d get on top of you already. He’s holding your waist and his touch is so warm.

“Wait – wait.”

You go after Aleksi’s lips. You don’t want to wait.

He breaks the small kiss that follows. “What is this?”

“I don’t know,” you say, honest. “Just… want you.”

Aleksi’s breath hitches. He rolls on his stomach, half of his body weight on you; his leg is between yours, and it’s enough for you to feel him where your hip and our thigh meet. It’s only semi-hard but your head is already spinning.  

“Say it again.”

Aleksi buries his face in the crook of your neck, leaving small kisses there. It makes you breathe deeply.

“I want you.”

His kiss travels down to your collarbone and chest. You arch your back when his hands go underneath, searching for the clasp of your bra.

“How do you want me?” he asks softly, tossing the bra on the floor. His fingers find one of your nipples and stroke it lightly. You gasp, throw your head back. He mouths at your jaw.

“Inside me.”

He wraps his lips around the nipple he isn’t caressing, The touch alone sends electricity down your core. You sink your hand in his curls to hold him close, rubbing your legs together before opening them, the pleasure making it hard for you to breathe.

“And… do you want me tonight only?”

Aleksi is looking at you, his fingers toying with the nipple he just sucked, the touch slick and extra pleasurable because of the spit. You clench around nothing.  

“No. Want you every day.”

Aleksi takes your panties off, then does the same with his boxer briefs. He spits in his hand and it disappears between your bodies. 

“Say it one more time.”

“I want you. I want you so much.”

Aleksi slowly shoves himself inside you. You’re so wet he doesn’t find much resistance, but still his movements are gentle and controlled to make sure he isn’t hurting you. Your bodies are flushed together, chest to chest, his face just next to your ear. You hold him close and wrap your legs around his lower back. You’re ready.

Aleksi lifts his head to look at you. He’s breathing through his mouth, curls falling in front of his forehead messily. You can barely make out his gaze in the dark, but you feel it on your eyes and on your mouth, hazy and heavy lidded. It’s hard to think of anything else than his cock inside you. It’s heaven. It’s completeness.

“I want you too,” Aleksi whispers in your ear, starting to gently roll his hips. “Every day. I want you every day.”

His thrusts are long and deep, slow enough for you to feel every centimeter of him; the pleasure builds up gradually, and his soft grunts are music accompanying the crescendo.

Your grip around his shoulders tightens, your nails digging into his skin when Aleksi loses some of his control and goes faster. You moan into his ear, the fullness dulling out your every sense, sending you into a pink fluffy cloud where everything is perfect and the promise of release is as enticing as ever. The sweat glues your bodies together and it feels like they were always meant to lie together like this, to move in sync, like they’re two parts of one, whole, much bigger thing.

You’re close. You scratch Aleksi’s back, moans growing louder, his name escaping your lips, urging him to give you all of him; and he does. The last few strokes are intense, yet not less delicate than the rest of this beautiful love-making. They make you feel adored and cared for and they tip you over the edge. The pleasure explodes throughout your body, everything between your head and toes overwhelmed by an electricity that makes you feel more than alive. Your body squirms and writhes, your throat vibrates, and Aleksi caresses you through it, looking down at you with tender yet dark eyes.

He lets you finish, lets your body relax and release all the oxytocin in the world, and then goes back to making love to you, and this time it feels a little more desperate. He’s breathless and sweaty and he looks like the personification of beauty and sex.

He pulls out just a moment before the orgasm: he strokes himself furiously, his gaze lingering on your face and body, his lip between his teeth, and then comes all over your tummy with a roll of his eyes and a broken moan. You watch his seed pool in your belly button, his brow furrowed as he looks down, his bottom lip sticking out and glistening with spit.

He stays like that, eyes fluttering open and then closed again, until he’s caught his breath. He leaves a peck to your lips before getting up to look for something in his bag.

He comes back with some tissues. He gently wipes at your tummy. It’s almost like caresses.

The exhaustion from the trip, the gig, the stress about the hotel room catches up to you and you almost drift off to sleep when you no longer feel Aleksi’s touch on you. His low voice draws your attention again.

“Did you mean it? That you didn’t want this to be a one-time thing? I know it’s late and everything but I… I need to know.”

You snuggle up to him, resting your head and hand on his chest. It feels safe to do so.

“You like me is what you’re trying to say?”

Aleksi’s chest rises then falls. “I guess. Yes.”

You sit up, giving him one last, long kiss and you fill it with all the passion you have inside.

“I did. I meant it.”  

[goshdangronpa]

Sayaka Maizono!!

Hi, anon! I'm so glad someone asked about her, she's always fun to think about. A character you can really play around with in different contexts and interpretations. It's weird that I haven't written a story about her yet.

Sexuality Headcanon: Sayaka is straight-up gay. I saw that one bit from Danganronpa S, they're no way she could like Makoto as more than a friend!

Gender Headcanon: Cis, but the type who's actually thought a lot about gender rather than passively assuming that vagina = girl. I believe she'd support a transfem idol ... so long as she remains the Ultimate.

A ship I have with said character: I recently wrote about a couple of reasons why I find ikuzono so appealing! It can be a real mutually healing relationship, with two people who've hurt and been hurt finding solace and sympathy and redemption in each other. It can also be a relationship where they bury bodies together. I've also read a truly great (and tragically incomplete) series that anyone who likes Sayaka, Mukuro, and good writing in general should check out: Sing Me a Song of Despair!

A BROTP I have with said character: Sayaka's goal is to be an inspiration for girls and women. All girls and women. As a transfem Chihiro supporter, I quite enjoy the idea of this embodiment of femininity helping Chihiro reconcile some of her gender hang-ups. Women with strength don't have to be ripped like Sakura, athletic like Aoi, or scary like Genocide Jack. They can be beautiful, sweet, girly, confident, and determined like Sayaka. I think her support would really shake Chihiro's worldview ... though Sayaka might still agree with her that it's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

A NOTP I have with said character: Sayaka is virtually the only female Danganronpa student I wouldn't ship with Ibuki, mostly because I'm really committed to a rather detailed sayabuki arc that ends in turmoil. Two teen girls hit the big time at the same time, and their managers get the bright idea of pairing their acts in a summer package tour. As they travel across the country and work hard to one-up each other's performances, they show each other the weirder sides of themselves that the public doesn't get to see. They bond over a mutual passion for music ... and, one night, discover a mutual passion for girls. It doesn't take long for them to start exploring their sexuality together, snatching kisses and cuddles in the rare moments when they can evade their bandmates and entourages. Ibuki lets herself fall wildly in love ... but Sayaka's keenly aware that the tour will end. One night, after sneaking onto the roof of a supermarket after hours to have a truly private moment and watch the stars, Sayaka asks, "You know this won't last ... right?" She lays it out: idols aren't allowed to date anybody, much less someone of the same sex, and she won't compromise her career or her dream over a little summer affair. Ibuki’s devastated. It proves to be the last push she needs to drop her own pretenses and be her true, freaky self, ultimately splitting the band and creating the rock iconoclast we know and love. Sayaka would still think about her sometimes, even listen to her new singles when few former fans would, wonder if that girl was right that prioritizing her career over her relationships may bring success but not fulfillment ... She doesn't regret anything.

A random headcanon: Sayaka didn't accept the invitation to Hope's Peak immediately because she feared it would eat up precious time in a career that's already expected to end in her late 20s at most. She eventually accepted for precisely that reason: that Ultimate status will open doors long after the industry stops seeing her as youthful enough to sing on stage.

General Opinion over said character: I'm of two minds, and both are extremely positive. 1) How can anyone possibly dismiss Sayaka as a loathesome snake when the entire goddamn point of that first murder trial is that the killing game, one of the most stressful and extreme situations a human being and especially a literal kid could ever face, could compel even an otherwise kind person to commit murder? You don't have to like her for her attempt at murdering Leon and framing Makoto, but if you don't buy that Sayaka was ever a nice person, I reckon you've missed the point of Danganronpa. 2) Sayaka has a devious and coldly pragmatic side ... and that's fun. I like the idea that she's generally kind and sweet, but a bit of a sneaky bitch when she really wants something or really doesn't care for someone. In a non-despair AU, this would be ripe for drama and especially comedy! Let her be little a snake, as a treat🐍

[maryannecrimsworth]

Larskpur

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 10

Guide for tormented hearts

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x Selective Mute Reader

Warnings: Abuse(?), hallucination, nightmare, foreign languages, creepy song.

Summary: Wednesday was being haunted by your mother --- the witch who was now haunting you too.

Some reader's characteristics: R has anxiety disorder, selective mutism, and is a really unique type of outcast. Reader's background it's derived from my Wednesday fic, The Hunt.

Larkspur.

Its scent was as unique as it was intoxicating. The contaminated air filled your lungs while your throat fought to pull it out: you coughed until your head ached, and your body woke up. There were petals and roots around you, every inch of your skin was surrounded by the poisonous flower. The scratching now was inevitable: your arms, necks and cheeks burned, the only relief created by the brushes of your nails. The itching was uncontrollable, widespread — you felt nothing but it and the smell of the flowers. It didn’t change when you stood up: again, there were only flowers surrounding you. Its colors and its smell — the only things which differed from the ravishing darkness. 

“Yannick.” A pair of hands touched your face: their warmth made your itch cease immediately. "Mein Schatz!”

Mutter?

“How I missed you, my love!” Her hands traveled over you, placings your arms towards her body. “My only love.”  Her lips got closer; her breathing got closer. Thicker. Colder. “We finally met again.”

The soft grip became hard: desperate, needy, bestial — it forced your body against hers, almost bringing your mouths together.

You pushed yourself back in a burst. Your whole body shivered when you did it: the itching increased and it was all black and burning again; it was hard to breathe, it was hard to stand; it was hard to not scratch yourself again and again — it was hard to tell which was worse, being farther or closer to her. Your stomach churned with the proximity, but your skin was in flames without it. 

“Sing to me, Mein Schatz!” She pleaded, you could hear her steps crushing a few flowers on her way. “Sing!” You saw her teeth. The only thing showing in the dark: her large teeth smiling at you. “Von den elben wirt entsehen vil manic man…" She started. The words took a long time to make sense in your dazed mind. 

Many a man is bewitched by elves…

“Sô bin ich von grôzer liebe entsên!”

Thus I too am bewitched by great love!

“Bleib bei mir, meine Liebe.”

Stay with me, my love.

X

It was a bit painful in the beginning. Your fingers burned as you pulled the string of the guitar for the first time. Calluses form in your fingers as you spend more and more time playing — you have felt these sensations before, in violins, cellos, harps, but not like this. In this, your hands and arms embraced the instrument, becoming part of it while its sound filled the air like no other. Followed by the beats of the drums exploding in your ears, shaking you body, the guitar blew and howled like a deity. Like a ghost haunting, a spirit forcing you to move, to scream, to sing. It felt like magic, like a spell, every single time.

But Kent didn’t seem to react to it as you did. 

“Come on!” He called you once again, Divina was a bit behind him. “Sì portami a bailar!” He sang along as he waved his body, his hands trying to reach you as Divina came to your rescue. 

“He’s writing for our night.” She nudged the triton. “Back off!”

“But he needs to have fun!” Kent fought back. “It’s Italy night!”

“He knows! He picked these songs, you moron!”

And ‘he’ is right here. You thought mockingly while you watched them arguing. 

They both know you were not going to dance, but Kent, for some reason, had some obsession with it. He insisted all the time.

Your eyes flew over the people inside the club as they kept talking: the place, like always, wasn’t crowded, and you could tell the name of every single person inside the Cave. They all know you too, some of them sing your songs on the weekends. 

Today was no different, and one of your pieces was going to be played after the Måneskin songs — and you felt energized. The music beat inside your head, louder than your own heartbeats, and the melody gave a rhythm to your thoughts, a flow — a messy and fast one — but the only order you could give to it. The only one you actually wanted to feel. 

And it made you even more attentive and watcher.

It made you notice the way one of the singers of the Cave’s band walked into the club. Hands trembling, dark circles under his eyes, head bowed before he forced a smile. He was a freshman in Jericho High School. It was not the first time he walked in like that, it was not the first time he pretended nothing happened. You just needed to figure out what. 

“Y/N!” The loud voice made you look away. This time, Divina was the one calling you. “I think someone wants to see you.” You followed the direction of her finger and saw a dark figure being blocked by a larger, way taller one. 

The guard did not let her pass. Wednesday seemed about to punch the poor, sweaty man. And you didn’t feel like helping any of them. 

“Y/N!” Divina scolded you, your laughter being punished with a slap on the back of your head. “Go help the guard!”

You grunted and stood up, walking to the bickering duo with slow steps. It was an entertaining scene, such a small girl — well, at least smaller than you — facing such a stocky man, her head turned upwards, arguing with him fearlessly. Her eyes moved oppositely to her lips: she spoke without hesitating while her gaze remained on the guard, she wasn’t even blinking. The threats did not affect him, so she stepped forward; this made him move back, so she did it again — advancing until she moved past the entrance and saw you. 

The scene changed completely: now, her lips stalled, as her eyes drifted fastly, looking you up and down until the guard's hand grabbed her arm. She reacted right away. 

You had to step in in order to prevent her from punching the poor man.

X

You knew that voice. You knew that song. 

You hated her voice — you hated her song. ‘Your’ song, as she claimed, even though you have never sung such lines in your life. You’ve only heard them, not sung — but your father has. 

Your father has.

She was not recognizing you — she was not seeing, she was not talking to you. Your mother would never talk to you like that. She was speaking with your father. 

She was crazy.

You were not your father. 

“Yannick!” She called him again. Him. “Don’t run, Mein Schatz!” You were already ruining — with all the strength you had, you stepped back, moving away as fast and as silently as you could. It was all in vain. “Come with me, Yanni!” She sprinted in the dark, grasping you in a split second. “Lay with me!”

You choked — you tried to scream, to speak, to remind her of who you really are. But you couldn’t. 

Please, mutter. You felt her on your wrists — not her hands, not her finger, her claws. Bitte, mutter. You fought back, but she pierced your skin. Please, don’t. Not again. Blood trickled down your forearms. Bitte, mutter. 

BITTE.

You fell back — your whole body was thrown backwards as her grip finally broke; your back hit the field of larkspurs, the poisonous flowers irritating your skin once again, the contaminated air being taken away brutally from your lungs, your mind spinning as your eyes went totally dark. 

The burn, the dark, the disgust and the fear — it all made your chest shudder, it all made sobs escape from your lips, it all made you soak in your own tears and sweat, it all made you feel like a child again. It was just like your childhood.

“Folgen me!” A pale face appeared in front of you. “Come!” Dark eyes, freckles on her cheeks, a pair of braids. 

Wednesday…?

“Y/N!”

X

“This place is…” Wednesday stood by your side while her eyes analyzed the club. A kind of dimly lit basement with a low ceiling, a stage in the opposite direction from the stairs, a small bar on one side, bathrooms on the other, about half a dozen tables in the middle. Like a cave. The Cave. An hidden club for the freaks and weirdos of Jericho. Your underground spot where you used to hide — where no one, besides Divina and Kent, knew you frequented. And now Wednesday knew it too. “Abhorrent.”

“Hm-hmm.” You crossed your arms over your chest, your eyes on the stage as your fingers moved to the rhythm of the music. The main singer blinked at you, and you smiled back at her before turning to Wednesday.

“Siamo fuori di testa, ma diversi da loro.” She quoted a line from the main chorus. “I had reservations when you said we were going to have an Italian night.” She analyzed the band playing. "Now I see that, once again, I was right."

"Arrogante." You scoffed, making her eyes change immediately. She threatened you: her gaze flared with a murderous impetus, but there was a twist in her lips. A smirk. "Refresh my memory, saputella, were you right about Emily Dickinson as well?"

She kept quiet, watching you — noticing how your chest puffed with proud while you made her remember her disgraceful defeat.

You smiled, body leaning back and forth with the melody. And you chose to remain like this: in silence, following her reactions as the song blasted around you two.

The singings were occasionally turning to screams, and you could see how slightly her shoulders were shrinking every time the singer got carried away by the song. The drums calmed you down, the palpitations of the bass dictated your heartbeats, the howling of the guitar was like the outburst of your mind, but it was like this only for you.

For her, it was too loud. 

With a movement of your chin, you asked Wednesday to follow you as you grabbed your belongings from your table and walked to the backstage. There, the sound from the loudspeakers and beats from the drum were even more loud and shaking; they made your whole body shiver and burn, while they did the opposite to her — the girl suddenly became quiet and cautious, and you hated to see her like this.

You sprinted to a hidden stair, and she followed without questioning. As you two went up, the noise smoothed down; by the time you held the door open for her and closed it after you two entered the room, you were barely listening to the screams. Now, the music from the bottom floor sounded like a background tune, giving you the energy you so much appreciated and giving Wednesday the quietness she so much needed. 

“It’s a restaurant.” She stated, moving to a booth in the dark. “A hidden club under a local restaurant.”

“Hm-hmm.” You walked past her, reaching a glass door that led to a balcony. You sat on the floor, and listened to her steps getting closer to you.

She was still being cautious, but not because of the racket — this time, she moved as slowly as her eyes, which were now focusing on you. On the dark clothing covering yours shoulders, on the small notebook and pencil being played by your hands, on your crossed legs and relaxed posture, on your blushed, yet not scratched skin. She was focusing on how different and natural you looked right now, sitting on the floor of the balcony, under the moon light and clouded sky, hummering to the music playing on the bottom, secretive floor under your feet.

“Would you like to help me in devising another plan of revenge?” You asked after she sat beside you. 

“Yes.”

No more questions, no doubt. She’d help you, and her quick reply made you laugh. 

“Grazie.” You waited for a second. You waited for her to speak first. But, for some reason, she didn’t. “Why did you ask to meet me?” She looked away from you, and her abrupt move made you notice only now how close she was to you. “Are you…” Her hands got deeper inside her backpack as she moved fastly. Hurriedly. And then she held a pile of carefully arranged papers out for you. Is this…

“An unpublished edition, like you said.” She said as you held the pile, your eyebrows frowned and lips formed in a quiet gasp. You were astonished. It was hers.

You analyzed the title on the first page and the gleam in your eyes made Wednesday look away once again. The Viper’s gaze, by W.A. 

W.A

Wednesday Addams.

It was her novel. 

You moved the papers and started to read the next page right away. 

“Do not read it now.” She grabbed your wrist to stop your hushed movement. “Do it attentively and properly, then write a detailed analysis and review.” Your eyes followed her lips, your attention drawn to her like you were under a spell. “Otherwise you will not receive access to the sequel.”

You shook your head vehemently, nodding until she let you go and stopped looking at you like that. Like her words were threats, her lips the weapon, and her gaze the motive. Like jury, judge and executioner. Like you were her accomplice, and her novel was the proof of the crime.

You adored it.

If it wasn’t for the agitated music flowing through your ears and mind, you wouldn't have been able to not read it.

After handing your notebook and pencil to her while you packed her manuscript more carefully than ever, you moved away suddenly. Your notebook was still in her hands, and your backpack was placed a bit further away as you reapproached and laid down by her side.

Your head brushed her tight ever so slightly, you didn’t even notice you had touched her.

You seemed relaxed, your face turned to the sky and eyes focused on the stars as Wednesday did the opposite. She was looking down while the moon shone above her, looking at you.

In an unthinkable motion, a mixture of impulse and reflex, she moved closer. Closer to you, making your head touch her, making her lap as your pillow. You did not fight back or move away — you allowed Wednesday to stroke your hair for a few seconds before you looked back at her.

She froze once your eyes landed on her, and her gaze drifted away immediately.  

“Are these dreams too?” She asked suddenly, hiding her face from you with the now open notebook. She read the pages in complete, dreadful silence, her breathing quickening as you tried to count the freckles on the back of her hands. Twenty-four so far, but the tightening of her knuckles made you lose the counting. She was clutching the notebook as if the silence was smothering her. Torturing her. And you were in no hurry to answer.

It was funny to watch, to notice her silent suffering.

Honestly, you could stay like this forever. 

“Lyrics.” You replied after a few minutes only watching her. By the way her fingers pressured the cover of your notebook, you could tell how your answer confused her, and it just made you take even longer to explain. She looked tortured by your complex writings and short reply, and you had to hold back a pleasurable laugh. “Some are mine, some I’m adapting.”

“Hyacinthus?” 

“Adapting.” She grunted in response, furrowed brow, her focus on the lyrics. “His tale is my favorite.”

Your favorite.

The young Spartan prince loved by two Gods. Cherished by the Sun, murdered by the West-Wind. He loved the most unlovable God, Apollo, and was killed out for jealousy, by Zephyros. 

A tale of love, twisted love. 

And two forever lost lovers. 

Your favorite. 

Wednesday kept reading your writings as you fell asleep on her lap.

X

“Y/N!” Wednesday forced you to sit up. “Wake up!”

A pale face. Dark eyes. Freckles on her cheeks. A pair of braids. But her hair isn't black like Wednesday’s. 

“Y/N!” The burning came back, the uncontrollable itching. “Y/N!”

You opened your eyes and another pale face appeared in front of you. Dark eyes, freckles, braids. Dark hair. 

For a split second, they both stood next to each other in your sight. Wednesday and that pale, light-haired girl. They were identical.

You blinked until Wednesday was the only one before you.

“Wednesday.” You muttered, falling to her arms in a burst of exhaustion. “Wednesday, I….”

“You fell asleep.” You moved back immediately, your whole body aching because of your movement. Wednesday already knew the look in your eyes: of panic, of guilt, of a haunted soul. “You did not transform.” She guaranteed you.

You froze, but the frightened gaze did not leave your face. You were trembling, shivering, and scratching yourself once again. 

“What did you see?” 

“My mother.” You breathed out. “And someone…someone just like you.” You closed your eyes, trying to get rid of the feelings from the nightmare — from the Mare, from your mother, from her hands. From everything.

From everything but from the girl who saved you.

From the Addams.

Goody Addams.

@cursedchar @i984 (Please tell me I did fluff) @4pparecium @tnnadia @colezb @elduster @efectoangel @sweetaimu @tundra1029 @rainbowsixreader @awolfcsworld @rainbow-love4ever @alexkolax @anonymousewrites

[nolita-fairytale]

make my heart surrender | carmy x reader | the playlist

here's a fun little collection of songs that make me think of this story. some of the songs feel like they could function as a soundtrack to the story, and some just make me think of carmy x reader. i created this playlist and listened to it while writing, in the car, doing dishes... seriously, the way this story took over my brain.

make my heart surrender: the playlist

***

sleeping with a friend - neon trees

carmy & reader's relationship in new york city -- while the title feels self-explanatory, this song has all the sexual tension of wondering our favorite kitchen lovebirds' will they won't they relationship. do we need a oneshot of the before times? maybe...

robbers - the 1975

angsty carmy & reader's relationship in nyc. this is also allegedly the prequel to 'about you' so it felt right to include it.

about you - the 1975

where the title of this fic comes from: 'now there's something about you that i can't remember / it's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender / and i miss you on the train, i miss you in the morning / i never what to think about / i think about you

it's the pining for me

chicago - sufjan stevens

the iconic song used in the show. i could see this song playing on reader's first day at the bear, or underscoring reader's travels to chicago

sleep tight - holly humberstone

oof, this song kills me. i'll add notable lyrics that make me think of carmy x reader, but it would be a beautiful underscore for their moment at the end of chapter two, when they say goodnight to each other.

"sleep tight i'm on my way back and feeling kind of sad because you were the best thing i never knew i had"

"you were the best thing i never knew was mine"

"god knows i've missed this feeling" makes me ache in the best ways why do we love being sad sm?!

closer - tegan and sara

i could see this song underscoring some of the kitchen flows when carmy & reader have smoothed things over around chapter three. i can just see reader working the garnish station and falling in love with carmy all over again as she watches him expedite.

can we also just talk about how this is a peak in the flow of the playlist? like they've finally smoothed things over and it's been nostalgic/acoustic/angsty and then this song happens and it's like an explosion of energy?? we're finally going to get some connection between these two

only human - the code, william singe

if this were a movie/tv show, i'd have this song play in the background of their conversation (date) at the aviary in chapter three.

untouched hearts - acoustic - the hunna

the lines "i know it's been hard but now it's time for you to get what you want, to know you're enough" feel like a fucking love letter from mikey to carmy. #LetItRip

it also feels like a feeling reader and carmy would share between the two of them about each other.

la vie en rose - emily watts

the song that plays at carmy's apartment after putting her dinner party playlist on shuffle. reader is flipping through the cookbook while he finishes the carbonara to the sweet sounds of this song. and they're making eyes at each other, and stealing glances when they think the other isn't looking GOODBYE

the girl - city & colour

this song is giving major waking-up-together-morning-after vibes. i mostly saw this song for the second to last chapter for the cute tattoo scene, but it could also be great for their first morning after season in chapter five.

flashed junk mind (acoustic version) - milky chance

just picture carmy & reader traipsing through chi-town's chinatown, arguing over who's gonna pay (because they both think it should be themselves), being cute, and fighting over carmy's cigarette during their walking dumpling date.

strawberries & cigarettes - troye sivan

this song accompanies their sweet goodbye at the start of chapter 7 and i'm quite convinced that troye sivan wrote it about carmen berzatto and you can't change my mind lol.

for the lines: "blue eyes, black jeans, lighters and candy, i've been a fool / strawberries & cigarettes always taste like you" and "remember when you taught me fate / said it'd all be worth the wait."

somebody - dagny

less on brand for the show, but the lyrics make me think so much about these two. it's giving: plot twist this is now a freeform show, i know. however, i envisioned this song being a part of reader packing up her things and catching up w friends back in ny. maaaaybe even as she's getting in her u-haul to drive to chicago.

solsbury hill - peter gabriel

peter gabriel said that this song was about losing something so that you can gain something else and i'm just not okay. this is the song that underscores the final scene in our lovely little epilogue, when reader surprises carmy at the bear ready to tell him that she's finally all in.

[skele-bunny]

Hello! It's is me again in to cause chaos but the fluffy kind this time, let's let my boy phantom have a break of my horrific angsty ideas. I was curious so do you have any Cumulus hc or ficlest you would like to share? She doesn't have many that i can find and it's a tragedy 😔

(Also since i thought it would be fun would you mind if identify myself with a lil 🎃?)

Hi pumpkin!! You can totally be my pumpkin anon that's adorable wnkekd

Unfortunately, I have 0 Cumulus fics 🥺 I don't actively search her out, or write her that much as I gotta be real, I'm a ghoul person. It genuinely is a tragedy and my heart goes out for the Ghoulette lovers (I love those ladies but I'm better at writing males snejdk)

But!! I most absolutely do have some hc's I'd love to share about her!

Obviously, Cumulus is an air ghoulette. While she may be short in stature, she's still super intimidating and can be at ass. I like to think air ghouls have the ability to literally travel with the wind, mostly with running. That little lady will be across the abbey and then back to her den within SECONDS. Got some pretty claws she likes painting and always staying sharp

She's a big hugger! Will happily open her arms for anyone that wants/needs a hug, and she's honestly so soft. Air ghouls have feathers usually on their chest/neck/ankles/stomach/abdomen, which makes them silky to the touch. It's also good at helping maintaining temperature for hotter/colder weather!

Keeps getting nicknamed "birdy" by Cirrus as she has a habit of sitting in higher altitudes (trees, rooftops) and just singing. She enjoys not only the view, but the similarity of the pit when she'd be in the clouds doing the exact same.

Cumulus' hair is a pain in everyone's ass. Sheds like it's not bodies business. Giant white strands on the couch, in laundry, stuck to the towels, LAWD.... Her brush always stays full 💀

Her and Mountain can be seen in the kitchen together with her reading off from a cookbook, Mountain actually doing the work. He'll have her go through his many collections to pick out a new recipe for him to try and make for dinner. Lus' always picks the wildest things just to tease him, but she is genuinely curious about the food. Mountain rewards her for her help by making her be the taste tester jekdkd

Her, Cirrus, Sunshine, and Aurora love hanging out together the most. Constant little spa days or self care time, gosh those ladies gossip so much. She loves staying up to date with Sister of Sin issues, just filing her nails and listening to how "Janet slept with Abraham when she knew Alice and Abraham were on a break and Alice was thinking about getting back together again." Does the stereotypical "no she did not!"

Mist and Cumulus are really, really good friends! They don't hang out as much as they'd like to, but when they do they just talk for hours. Ranging from the pit, shows and ones of past, what's going on their own lives, and their mates. They never seem to run out of topics and even though Mist isn't a big cuddler, let's Cumulus snuggle right up to him and will comb through her hair with his nails

She knows how to play the harp! Down in the pits they have harp-like instruments and that was their main source of melody. There's one in the chapel she likes to sit down and play when it's empty

Her and Cirrus are inseparable, they're so in love dude 🥺 air ghoul culture, trading your feathers with one another and weaving it into your hair/clothes is a significant of bonding and romance. Big.... Big romanticals.....

Cumulus is a switch, and when that lady tops? You ain't surviving /j. Loves working her partners up on the ever increasing strap sizes she has, makes them work for it too.

[myloveforhergoeson]

That's All She Wrote - Chapter 19

Chapter Index

Find me on wattpad + ao3!

Show: Big Time Rush

Pairing: James Diamond x Original Female Character

Chapter 19: No Sleep Till Brooklyn ~ 11k

Jo and Camille,

You’ll never believe who took my phone the first day of tour and refuses to give it back because “I have more important things to be focused on right now.”

I KNOW HE CHANGED MY LIFE BUT SOMETIMES I HATE GUSTAVO ROCQUE. And I’d never say I hate Kelly, but I am upset she let him do that… SOS!

Thanks to my expert negotiation skills, I’m allowed one call to my Dad per week - like this is some kind of prison or something - so I’m going to do my best to write letters to both of you in order to keep you updated.

While it took a long time for Gustavo, Kelly, and I to map out this tour path, I didn’t think about what it would mean to be crammed on a handful of buses with both the band and our musical accompaniment. Our lovely producer and talent scout get to take flights and stay in five-star hotels, but I’m okay to travel by bus. I’ve only been to Minnesota, Wisconsin, and California, so I’m excited to see the country this way. First stop - Orlando! In three days!

We booked three buses, one for the musical accompaniment (technically I’m one of them I suppose, but the boys say they hate road trips with Logan, so I just snuck onto the bus he’s on to keep him company), and two for the band. Each one has three tiny bunks, some couches, a full bathroom, most of a kitchen, and plenty of cabinet space for snacks, games, and anything we could possibly need. For now, I’m writing from the couch, sitting next to a napping Logan, and Carlos is up front making friends with the driver, Henrietta. The other bus is currently transporting Kendall and James.

Speaking of, after Gustavo told us the tour was back on after the concert when I came running to you two to tell you what had happened, James practically ran straight to 2-J to pack and hasn’t spoken to me since. I thought I had done everything right but I guess maybe he wasn’t actually into me after all. Maybe just the thrill of surviving a kidnapping?

“I lived through this so now I can kiss Roxy!”

Blegh.

Though, I suppose it might be a good thing… After thinking about it while I was packing I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now, if that’s even something he’s interested in. Sure, I like him, but I think I still need some time to get over what Dak did to me. As much as I don’t enjoy thinking about it, they bare many similarities and that scares me a bit more than I’d like to admit.

Pop stars

Can be self-absorbed

‘Cuda extra strength hairspray

Pretty

I should probably quit while I’m ahead, but I guess I’m gonna learn my lesson if I keep playing with fire and then promptly getting burned.

All my love,

Roxy

***

Hey,

It was so humid in Orlando that it took me an extra hour to fix my hair before the show, but other than that, we had a lot of fun! I’m really proud of the show we put together and getting to perform for a new crowd all the way across the country was so surreal. There are people who know all the words to my songs, more than willing to scream them right in my face… If only that pesky boy band wasn’t in the way.

Just kidding!

Today, we’re heading to Mansfield, Massachusetts - one whole day on the bus and a show tomorrow. I’d look up some facts about the town to share but, you know, no phone or whatever. Warden Rocque hasn’t changed his mind even after the combination of pleading from the five of us…

Before the show in Orlando, I got to talk with the guys in the musical accompaniment band a bit more, they were super nice! Mick, the bass player, is pretty quiet and mostly hangs out with Gustavo and Kelly since they’re old friends, but Austin, the drummer, is our age and easy to get along with! He goes to a performance arts high school in Los Angeles called Hollywood Arts (Can you believe that’s a real thing?! A whole school just for acting, singing, and growing musical talent?!)

Austin and I have somewhat similar music taste, and his father taught him how to play the drums, just like my dad taught me how to play the guitar! We’re alike in many ways, and since 1/4 of Big Time Rush wants to ignore me right now, I think I’ll be spending more time with him…

It’s bad that I thought James might kiss me again at the show last night, right? I stood in the same spot side-stage, putting on the same lipstick and everything, but he and the band just ran past me on the way to the other side of the venue. I wonder if he told them what happened; everyone else is being normal to me.

Logan says he misses you so much, Camille! Quickly followed by a panicked statement, “Not that I don’t care about Jo, it’s just different!” Kendall joined us on the bus today, swapping out with Carlos, and said, “Tell Jo I vow to get my phone back so I can call her again,” and when I asked him why he didn’t write you letters too, he claimed that stamps were too expensive. Perhaps your boyfriend is both illiterate and broke, Jo, and for that I’m sorry.

See you soon, even if soon isn’t soon enough,

Roxy

***

Thought of you both today, and it made me so happy,

We just arrived in Agawam, Massachusetts, which is only two hours away from Mansfield, so we had a quick show turnaround for the day.

I never knew going on tour was so exhausting, it’s like I’m constantly running around the venues, checking our equipment, making sure the proper snacks are in the band’s green rooms, or seeing if the stage crew needs any help. We have two big eighteen-wheelers to carry all of our stage equipment… I can’t imagine being in charge of all that stuff - the stage manager is a saint!

This morning, Gustavo dragged us out of the bus around 6 am to get to a local radio station so the band could promote their show tonight live on the air. They even gave a pair of tickets away to a fan, it was so fun to watch and reminded me a bit of my radio days. I might call my old boss and ask her if BTR can get on Project Pop when we finish our tour in Duluth.

While the band was working out with our athletic trainer to keep in shape for the show this evening, I hung out with Austin a bit more. He was nice enough to show me his drum kit and I think I’m going to ask him to teach me how to play if we have some free time. It looks a lot more fun than the piano, plus I get to hit things. Drums are a crucial part of instrumental songwriting, and I could really use the knowledge of a seasoned drummer to help me learn.

James saw us together today when he made his way to the stage to warm up for the show, and I might be overexaggerating but I think he was a bit put off by it. I thought about talking to him about it, not that I need to ask if it's okay or justify who I hang out with, but I actually think he and Austin would get along really well if he could stand to be in the same room as me for more than 5 minutes.

I think it should be illegal to kiss someone and then promptly ignore them. What if I wanted to kiss him again? And again? And again?

Anyway, I wish mail traveled fast enough that you two could send me replies and I’d be guaranteed to get them at the next venue. It feels a bit like I’m writing to a brick wall here, but it certainly keeps me occupied during our very rare downtime. The couch on this bus has become my unspoken spot (the bunks are too narrow and small for me to feel comfortable in them) and I need to do more than just sleep here, listen to my iPod, or write/play my guitar.

Until the next letter,

Rox

***

Hello!

Too many things happened today for me to record before the show, I’m writing you two a nice list as we drive away to our next stop.

James rode the bus with Logan and me today (a two-hour ride to Saratoga Springs, New York) and the two of them ignored me almost the entire time and just played their stupid video game on the TV. All I got was a “Hey, Rox, can we use the couch?” and some semblance of a thank you when I told him yes. Ugh. Is “Hey, Rox, remember when I kissed you last week? Wasn’t that so awesome? Wanna do it again?” too much for him now? It feels like I sucked all of his fun, flirty, carefree attitude straight out of his body.

I asked Austin if he could teach me how to play the drums and he said yes, as long as I helped him write a song for a fun summer project. Apparently, a good chunk of the kids at his school are songwriters too, how neat! If they write something like a short scene of a play, a song, or a musical composition and present it in the first few weeks of school, they get extra course credit. I wish the Palm Woods school had something like that - I’d be rocking straight A’s the entire year.

It was finally time for me to call my dad today, as per Warden Rocque’s direction, and he’s doing okay. Nothing ever changes with him, so I’m pretty at ease as we travel. Kelly let me put him on the guest list for the Duluth show, and even though I know he won’t really like our music, I think he’ll admire the production. He always wanted to tour around the country, and I hope showing him some backstage magic can help satisfy the teenage rocker he used to be. Maybe it’ll be a good time for him to meet Kendall, Logan, and Carlos too!

The band was recognized in public for the first time today while we were waiting in line for coffee! I’m not sure if the girl posted the photo I happily took of her and the boys to ScuttleButter, but I hope you two can find it so you can see their dazzling, shocked smiles. They were beyond ecstatic; Carlos spilled most of his drink from how hard his hands were shaking with adrenaline. Good thing he wasn’t wearing his concert outfit or Gustavo would’ve thrown a fit.

I was hoping to sneak away and take a train to New York City since we got here so early in the morning, but that is what happened instead. We’re playing Madison Square Garden near the end of the tour, so I’ll see the city then, but I’m worried I’ll be too tired and burnt out to enjoy it.

Warm wishes,

Roxy

***

Friends,

Sorry for the lack of letters these past few days! We’ve been so busy getting from New York to Oklahoma, we haven’t stopped anywhere with a mailbox I could easily find. You know what would make it easier for me to find a post office? Having my phone.

I’ve probably complained about that enough, right?

Over the course of this particular trip, I’ve been traveling with Logan and Carlos and I’m beginning to understand why the boys claim road trips with Logan are tough. He has a pretty strict expectation for cleanliness, which Carlos and I do not adhere to at all - but in helping clean up and placing things in their bunks to help put a rest to Logan’s anxiety this afternoon, I learned he has a picture of you, Camille, tapped to the top of his bunk. It’s been pretty well hidden by the curtain he keeps drawn, but I caught a glimpse of it this afternoon. So romantic!!! I imagine Kendall has something similar of you, Jo, but I’ll have to wait until he’s back in rotation with us to double-check.

I wonder if it’s exhausting for the other three to keep moving around, or if they prefer it that way. For me, I like knowing that Bus 1 is my bus… Having to haul all my stuff from one bus to another feels like an excellent way to lose some of my things.

Do you think if James and I were together he’d have a picture of me in his bunk? The thought of him falling asleep to dreams of me… Seems impossible. And exhausting to work for. If he’s going to be all hot and cold like this, I’m not sure I’d be able to take it, but on the other hand, it’s not like I’m communicating with him either because whenever I even try to bring up anything related to us at all, I freeze up and all the thoughts exit my brain before I can get a word out. Maybe we are made for each other after all since neither of us seems to want to get a word out… The pretty idiot and his idiot songwriter… Haha….

On a separate note, after the show in Tulsa tonight, the band, our bosses, and the musical accompaniment will be headed straight to the airport to catch a flight to Del Mar, California for our next show there in four days. Due to my flight aversion, I get to stay with the buses and gear and travel on the ground to meet them there. It will be interesting to see how I fare, considering I’ve been around the band 24/7 for the last two weeks. Maybe I’ll be able to work on some music distraction-free. I have a few works in progress, both about guys I really don’t want to think about, but once this tour cycle is over there’s no doubt we’re going to begin the process all over again for album 2.

Just paused writing this to pull out my journal and write “All Over Again” down on a blank page. That sounds like a wonderful song title.

Talk again soon,

Roxy

***

Guess what?

I was right about getting in some quality songwriting time. With the near silence of the bus, besides the intermittent strumming of my guitar and terrible singing of my own lyrics to the musical background track in my head, I think I’ve finally finished Til I Forget About You, even if the title isn’t all that accurate.

In fact, the title isn’t accurate in the slightest. In these last four days, I don’t think I’ve ever thought about Dak more. There’s been lots of frustrated yelling, crying, ripping and crumpling of pages of my journal on the floor… I don’t know how Taylor Swift makes writing break-up songs look so easy. She’s been who I pray to when I get stuck on a line or can’t figure out which chord I like better.

Between Gustavo’s and my affinity for pop music, when I write from the deep recesses of my heart, I find myself bringing out my rock roots. There’s nothing better than the feeling of guitar blasting from the speakers so loud you can feel it rattling around in your rib cage, filling up your ears and leaving them ringing for days on end, and that is the feeling I’ve been coasting on these few days…

It reminds me of my dad and I think that’s why it helps me feel better. Growing up on the heels of his time in the rock scene in Texas, then discovering the punk scene in Minnesota, he was always using his free time to replicate the sounds he’d hear at shows to play for me on his days off. He would tell me all the time that I was such a smiley, giggly kid, as long as his guitar was out - so the minute I was old enough to hold one in my hands he bought me one and taught me to play.

When I was finally old enough to go to shows with him, I always loved the contrast between our looks - my mainstream, bright-colored clothing straight out of TeenVogue and his old, beat-up black band t-shirts blending in with the dark ink on his forearms and even darker jeans and Doc Martins. Was a crowded basement in a random suburb miles away from our house, filled with drunk 20 to 30-somethings and a lineup of 7 different bands in one night really the safest place for a 13-year-old girl? Certainly not, but he always kept me safe and gave me a space to foster my own music taste just like he was afforded as a teenager.

Phew. That was a long-winded way of saying that I’m finally starting to find myself getting over the pain Dak caused me through my music, and I’m really lucky Big Time Rush has given me the space to explore this. Not that Til I Forget About You is an incredible, unmatched rock song - it is still very much a pop song, which I love just as much - but it is, for all intents and purposes, mine.

I miss both of you so much, and I cannot wait to see you again.

Roxy

***

Greetings,

One thing always seems to lead to another. In Del Mar, we finally had an actual, honest-to-God day of rest yesterday and the band asked if I wanted to go to the beach with them. Of course, I agreed, because it felt close to chilling by the Palm Woods pool, but once we got there I quickly learned that the trip everyone took without me brought Austin and the boys closer together. Which is fine, that’s what I wanted in the first place, but now, it feels like I’ve lost my touring buddy.

They spent the entire day surfing (where did these boys learn how to surf?), playing volleyball, and trying to pick up dates, and basically left me to my own devices to watch our stuff. I even wore my best bikini top (purple!) in hopes maybe, just maybe, it would bother James a bit, but I’m not sure he even noticed as he kept trying to play wingman for Carlos and Austin all day. I guess he decided no one on the beach was interesting enough to try and pick up.

Something I did notice, not that it matters at all, but Austin had a bit of trouble in the sun all day. Logan said that he was displaying symptoms of hypoglycemia, and he and I had to help Austin back to our stuff at one point after he nearly toppled over from how shaky his legs were. Eventually, we were able to get a few sodas in him, and he claimed to be right as rain, but it was pretty scary. I know it’s not right of me to ask him what I can do to help if he ever needed it because if he wanted me to share, he would have told me, but it was a bit hard not to take note of the small, off-white pod attached to his deep almond abdomen when he took his shirt off.

Typically, I’d just look it up in private to confirm my own thoughts, but I don’t get my phone for another few days. For now, though, or until he’s comfortable talking about it, I stopped into a corner store on the way back to our buses to grab some snacks that I think would help if his blood sugar were to drop unexpectedly again. Now I just pray nothing punctures the small juice boxes I put in a plastic bag or the hard fruit candies don’t spill out and stick to anything.

And on top of all of that, despite applying copious amounts of sunscreen, I managed to burn my legs. Goodbye shorts and skirts, hello pants I was saving for the colder climates. I tried to take a page out of Hayley Williams’ style book and go for shorts and fitted tees or crop tops as my go-to stage look - adding in jewelry, belts, tights, whatever to switch up my looks day to day, but now I guess I’ll be looking more like Gwen Stefani circa 1995 with my small shirts and big pants.

The show went off without a hitch and we’re off to Central Point, Oregon now, and hopefully once things get back to normal I can get my tour buddy back.

Rox

***

Girls!!!!

I know you’re both from the east coast, and I am obviously so Midwest, but there is just something about the crisp, Oregon air that makes me long for a different hometown. If I grew up here, beautiful Central Point, I think (in addition to being a major league hippie) I might have led a very different life. It’s strange to think about, and I’m incredibly grateful for my current life, but can you imagine if I was the owner of a quaint crystal shop on the edge of the evergreen forests of this state, or if I hand knit sweaters, tye-dying them all crazy, fun colors to sell to tourists. One pretty prominent radio station, Talk Radio Network, is based here, so maybe I’d still be Rockin’ Roxy out here too…

It’s a quiet town, however, not like Duluth or Los Angeles, and it’s pretty far from Portland. My dad always told me he wanted to visit there - apparently, they have a thriving music community in that town.

That’s all I have in the way of updates. After tonight’s show, we’re on our way back to California to the town of Turlock. Kelly, Gustavo, and I could have been a bit more coordinated when booking shows, but we were desperate enough to take whatever we could get, even if it meant extra travel time.

Extra travel time, however, means I have more time to think about the dumpster fire that is my love life as I am now trapped in a bus with James once again. Maybe he and Logan will play that stupid game again and leave me alone as I write.

Speaking of, here’s a few lines I’m working on. What do you think?

I see you walking, but all you do is pass me by,

Can’t even talk, ‘cause words don’t come into my mind,

I’d make a move if I had the guts to,

But I’m paralyzed

Best,

Roxy

***

Good morning, or evening, or whatever the appropriate time may be,

I’m so sorry I skipped out on letters these past few days, our show turnaround time has been insane, and I’ve been doing my best to keep up with my assistant-ly duties to the best of my ability - meaning I’ve had no time to myself in the last four days. Since I last wrote, we’ve been to Turlock, California, Costa Mesa, California, Kansas City, Missouri, and are presently pulling away from Harrington, Delaware.

A list of things of note for you:

In Turlock, Carlos ran over to me during the show and asked me if I wanted to sing. I said absolutely not and he ran off again. Then in Costa Mesa, he ran up to me during City is Ours and asked me to shout “There they are!” into his microphone after the “We pull up, open the door, all the girls scream-” line, while the rest of the band held theirs out to the crowd. They’re really taking this show and making it theirs, and it’s lovely to see. As I write this, Carlos just informed me I’ll be doing that every night with that big, goofy grin of his that makes it impossible for me to even think about saying no.

We did a radio show in each city, and the questions these interviewers come up with in order to be different from one another are just insane. Though, one of the hosts did ask them if they had anyone special waiting for them back home - it gave Logan a chance to stutter his way around the question (Camille… Make it official with him already!) and Kendall the opportunity to monologue about Jo for, like, five minutes. I would’ve recorded it had I had a device on hand capable of doing so (yeah I’m not done complaining). By the time he was done, the interview had nearly ended, so Carlos squeaked out “I have four special people!” and I think he meant the Jennifers and Stephanie (Is Stephanie back yet?). James (blegh!) said “Anyone willing to wait on me is special,” like the true teen idol he is. Any girl willing to wait on him… I pity her.

My drum lessons started in Kansas City after the band managed to rope Austin into a game of pickup while the buses were unloading. Who puts a basketball hoop outside of a music venue and expects anyone to get anything done? Regardless, it was a lot of fun and Austin is a pretty attentive teacher - far better than grouchy Gustavo when he was going over piano basics. There’s a lot I can learn from him! We also started writing his song, a fun, simple summer song about the beach and girls and whatnot… I’m excited to see this project through with him.

Gustavo and Kelly wrote a note on the daily itinerary sheets they give the band and I that we’re currently headed to Denver, Colorado, where we’ll have two days off from performing to do interviews, radio shows, news slots, the whole nine yards. Apparently, news outlets come to us, not the other way around, and they’re very excited to talk to America’s next top boy band. We’ll be doing a few live acoustic performances as well, meaning the guys and I, on camera, filmed for the whole world to see. Let’s hope I don’t mess up.

Miss you endlessly!

Roxy

***

Greetings from the Mile High City,

The press day, the boys claimed, was “hella exciting” and “beyond epic”... I’d describe it more like “waking nightmare” if anyone bothered to ask me. All they had to do was sit there, look pretty, answer some questions or play silly games, and sing. I, on the other hand, was lost in an endless pile of media release forms for every news outlet to approve, combing through the Gustavo pre-approved questions the interviewers were going to ask the boys, keeping their refreshments well stocked so they never ran out of water and choked on a dry throat when they went to answer questions… My work is never-ending!

Definitely one of the worst days on this tour for me, though, I wouldn’t choose it over having to go back and rewrite Til I Forget About You. Speaking of, in my previous letter I forgot to mention a particularly important line that I keep repeating to myself whenever I find my thoughts unpleasantly flickering to Dak… Or at this point, to James.

I found a place where I can lose myself,

And just leave your memory on the shelf,

See? I’m fine, no, I don’t need nobody else.

The punctuation is subject to change, but for now, I’m quite certain I don’t need anyone else in my life. I’m fine just being Roxy for a while… Even if my thoughts often turn into Roxy and James.

Not to toot my own horn, but the song is very good, and I can’t wait to record it once we get back from tour. I think that’ll be a good point to mark my “getting over it” progress.

Something I forgot to mention about these interviews, that I now realize as we pull away from the Denver venue and off to Eureka, Missouri, is I’m actually learning so much about the band by sitting and listening in. They almost never talk about their lives before Hollywood, because the four of them have (as I learned today) known each other since they were four years old. From first meeting at a Pee-Wee hockey league game all the way to playing varsity hockey at MAHS, they’ve been with each other almost their entire lives. Most of the interviewers ask really good, clear questions, that lead the boys down a path that gets them talking and reminiscing on themselves - something they rarely speak about when the others are around. Today (among other things) I also learned Carlos is fluent in Spanish, Logan was really into ventriloquy in middle school, Kendall is allergic to kiwi, and James is the heir to the Brooke Diamond Cosmetics company.

I should have put two and two together on the last one, he’s insanely beautiful and the last name “Diamond” isn’t exactly very common, but remembering what he’s told me about his mom and now knowing she’s Brooke Diamond?? The Este Lauder of the Midwest?? accounts for a lot of his behavior.

A few years ago, there was a big scandal that hit the front page of all the Duluth papers, news stations, radio waves, etc., claiming that BDC’s top model, and Brooke’s husband, Blake Diamond, was caught having an affair with a woman half his wife’s age. On top of that being insanely disgusting, it was in the news for weeks, announcing the Diamond divorce, explaining the court hearings and who got what, all leading up to Blake and his girlfriend eloping to Vegas and getting married the minute he and Brooke were officially split.

What does that do to a budding teenager? Chew them up and spit them out a completely new person. No wonder James never talks about his parents, or his home(s). The only time I learned something about his family was after the dance when he told me his mom made him break up with his boyfriend and when we were back in Minnesota he vaguely told me his parents were separated.

God, I cannot imagine what that must have/still feels like for him. Knowing that he had Kendall, Logan, and Carlos to help him through it makes me feel better, though.

I think, among other reasons, that might have been why he helped get us back to Hollywood a few days before the big concert. Either returning home to his successful mother as a failure or returning home to stay with a cheater and his new wife…

Phew. That was a long one. Every time I send one of these I can feel the two of you mentally cursing me for my wishy-washy gushy James feelings - trust me, it’s just as exhausting for me to think I’m fine alone one day, then want him so badly the next. Please bear with me while I figure this all out.

Wish you were here,

Roxy

***

Eureka!

Somewhere in the middle of Kansas, Kendall woke me up from my lazy couch nap to tell me he wants to learn how to play the guitar.

“That’s great,” I said. “I’d love to teach you, but all my guitars are strung left-handed.”

Bless his heart, he cocked his head and asked, “Why does that matter?”

“Well. I’m left-handed. You’re not. It’s a completely different learning process.”

“Do you know how many hockey players play left-handed, even though they’re right-hand dominant?”

Of course, I don’t. But, in the small second I had to think about it, I realized that there are plenty of famous guitar players that do that too… kind of. Many left-handed guitar players just learn right-handed because left-hand guitar equipment isn’t produced near as much or to the same quality and standards as right-handed equipment!

Thankfully, my dad is left-handed too, so he knew where to get the proper things in order for me to play when I was little, but it was I who took it upon myself to learn how to restring a guitar to fit my own needs. When I was 12, there was this beautiful oak wood acoustic in the local music shop, but it was strung right-handed. The owner didn’t know how to restring it (claiming no one had ever asked him to before, but I just think he was lazy), so I convinced my dad to buy it, a pack of new strings, and a tool kit, and I took it apart, then put everything back everything completely opposite - worked like a charm, until I sold it a few years later to get my electric acoustic.

In all, I’m excited to teach Kendall but I’ll have to find the time in between my assistant duties and my own drum lessons. The request was a bit out of the blue, however, and I wanted to ask him why, but he was too busy buzzing to Logan about it after I told him yes. Maybe he’s trying to learn a skill that will set him apart from the other band members.

After tonight’s show, we’ve got another one tomorrow before another press day, then a stretch of three more shows back to back. It’ll be tiring, but at least we’re having fun. Playing shows is rewarding beyond measure, and hard for me to put into words, but the connection the band has to their audience is unmatched. The way they can make thousands of people get up and dance, sing, let loose… It’s a beautiful sight - one I’m so lucky to be able to witness almost every night.

Maybe you can find some clips on SnoobTube,

Roxy

***

Girls, I’m running out of clever greetings,

I AM SO TIRED.

Columbus, Ohio, along with being a boring city in the world, also happened to be the same place our press day was taking place - meaning we were there for two days too long. Then, we had our three-day tour stint.

On day one, one of our eighteen-wheelers containing half of the stage set up was late. So, guess who, on top of making sure the boys were situated in their green rooms and had everything they requested, had to assist with tech setup I knew nothing about, got to run the soundcheck almost completely alone, and explain to Gustavo the boys had to go on a few minutes later than anticipated :)

On day two, I learned more about the boys. Maybe I’m being dumb and petty, but I think it’s a bit strange that much of my knowledge of them is now coming from these interviews - they’re sharing important things, that I think as their friend I should have the right to have known about beforehand. They know I’ve been struggling to get good at the piano for months now and guess who I learned has been playing all his life? James. Would it have killed him to maybe offer a helping hand? In addition, I found out Logan’s favorite food is toast. Just… plain toasted bread and butter… Kendall’s dream pet, apparently, is a goat because he misses the one we rented at the School of Rocque so much and Carlos doesn’t think Antarctica is real. I wish I could’ve stopped him before he said that during a live interview, but you win some, and you lose some. I was too busy handling all the paperwork and helping the next news outlet set up to get the interviews done as quickly as possible to get in his way.

On day three, we made it to Clearfield, Pennsylvania, a cute town that runs along a beautiful river I discovered on a walk in the morning. Sometimes being cooped up in a bus all night gets old, so when the boys work out in the morning, I wander as far as I think I can before Gustavo and Kelly realize I’m missing. The show that night was great, but Kendall ripped his pants jumping off one of my amps, and everyone in the first few rows got to see his underwear. I’m not sure he’ll be living that one down for a while.

On day four, we rolled into West Allis, Wisconsin around 6 am, where we were promptly escorted off the bus and into a local radio station, who called Gustavo the previous evening and practically begged for a Big Time Rush live acoustic performance. So, Mick and Austin got to sleep in, while I grabbed my acoustic guitar and drowsily followed the boys into the studio, languishing in the familiar smell of Lake Michigan - So close to Lake Superior back in Duluth! We performed three songs, Big Time Rush, Stuck (of course…), and Any Kind of Guy acoustic. Honestly, my stage skills are getting better with each performance, and I think it’s because the guys make me feel so relaxed when we play together. Whenever I performed with Brand New Day, I was always trying too hard to impress Dani, and more importantly, Mag, so playing always took a ton of effort. But with Big Time Rush, I feel so at ease, and I’m able to let loose and have fun. The only thing that caught me off guard today was James derailing the interview before Stuck to dedicate it to “Any girl who feels like they’re invisible… Don’t worry, I see you.”

Dedicating a song you didn’t even write to a person it’s not even about? Barf. Those words keep rattling around in my brain and I wish I could kick them straight out, but I’ve been dwelling on them for days.

On day five, we took a ferry (!!) to Midland, Michigan, while our eighteen-wheelers had to take the long way around, through Illinois and Indiana. Since our stage equipment didn’t arrive until the later part of the day, I pulled out two of my guitars stored away in Bus 1 in order to give Kendall his first lesson at the venue. Since Carlos bunked with Logan and me the night before, the boys decided to switch buses for a few hours, which meant I had to deal with an insane amount of James' side eye as he went about making his breakfast in the small kitchen.

If he’s got a problem with me hanging around my friends, he’s no better than Dak and I’m certainly not going through that again. He kisses me a few times and now thinks he has some weird possessive thing over me? Absolutely not. I’m just so done with him, I don’t understand how just a month and a half ago we shared a journey that literally altered the course of our lives, and now, here he is, acting as though it meant nothing to him.

Maybe I need to get out of the celebrity dating pool - if this tour has taught me anything it certainly is the fact that all my friends are famous and I am not.

Yeah. What a downer of a letter this turned into,

Roxy

***

Send lots of caffeine and my giant stuffy puppy to Fairlea, West Virginia, please!

I’m too exhausted to write out a better greeting, so this letter begins with the truth. There were many times over the last three days I sat down to write this, but every day I ended up falling asleep in the middle. Last night, Logan had to physically remove the pen from my hand while I slept as I was apparently in danger of poking my eye out.

In three days we’ve been to Hamburg, New York, Indianapolis, Indiana, and Peru, Illinois. Another day without seeing the Big Apple, another day in a big city that makes me miss Los Angeles, and another day in a city where if the name and state weren’t written down on our call sheets I might be so tiredly deluded I think we’re in a different country.

Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James are natural-born performers. I, on the other hand, am starting to believe that I may not be cut from a similar cloth. Something inside of them keeps them on the go, go, go, and I would love to know just what it is that makes them tick. The only thing keeping me motivated right now is getting to hear the crowd sing along to my songs every single night. It sounds a bit cheesy to write out, but it’s true! To know all of our hard work writing, recording, and rehearsing, is paying off and reaching corners of the U.S. we didn’t even know existed! And that people are buying our album… So I’ll have a nice cushion of a retirement plan when I’m older…

That, and my lessons of course! Austin has been so cool about helping me learn the drums, and I think I’m getting pretty good even though I’ve only had a few moments of practice. That, and we even had enough time to work on our song more, which is surprisingly almost complete… That boy can write! My goal is to write a drum section for one of my songs all by myself. Normally, Gustavo is able to take my lyrics and guitar melodies and write in drums, bass, piano, or whatever else we think is necessary to execute our grand vision, so for once, I’d like to fill in a new instrument and save him some time which would probably also equate to saving him some time yelling at our other band members.

Guitar lessons with Kendall have been going well too, though I’m not sure he’s very fond of me as a teacher. I’ve struggled to put together little exercises for him to practice because I barely remember learning guitar myself. Maybe I can talk to my dad about it on our next call.

Oh! And Carlos and I invented a game today!

We call it Honk Bonk, and you play it exactly how it sounds. Any time a car in traffic honks, you bonk the closest person on the head with something near you. My weapon of choice, of course, is my journal, and the boys are already used to bonking from that, though someone did honk during Kendall’s lesson today… I was tempted but alas, he needs to stay pretty so he can date my best friend. And sell more albums.

I hope you’re both well, I can’t wait to get back home to see you,

Roxy

***

Panicking! I spent all of today panicking!

This morning, Logan and Kendall shook me awake around 3 am to tell me that it was James’ birthday. TODAY.

I had a few thoughts on this. 1. Why didn’t any of the band mention this until we were three hours into the day? 2. Where the hell am I supposed to get party supplies on a moving bus rolling into Fairlea, West Virginia? 3. How am I going to survive an entire day centered around the guy I’m doing my very best not to think about? 4. Is James mature enough to be the first of us to turn seventeen?

Thank God James was on the other bus because if he had heard the ideas Logan, Kendall, and I had in order to surprise James the minute we stopped at the next venue…

Here was what we came up with:

If you cut up little pieces of colored paper, it kinda looks like confetti. The colored paper in question? Three of the front and back covers of books Logan had brought and finished in the first part of the tour. Kendall had to physically restrain him as I did this.

I’m a songwriter - when in a pinch, write a song. The three of us quickly devised a little spin on the traditional happy birthday song to surprise James with on stage later that blends into the traditional song everyone knows. Hopefully, an entire stadium of people singing to him is a good enough gift.

We can take old tour itineraries from the previous towns, a Sharpie, and some of the bungee chords holding our equipment down during travel to make a HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMES banner.

The bus was stocked with enough items to make Oreo Fluff salad, thanks to the miracle that is pudding cups, but not a real cake… He seemed to enjoy it when he came to tell me we were going back to L.A. after a few hours in Duluth. I don’t have any green food coloring, however, so it was boring black and white.

A sub point - around 6 am I begged the bus driver, Henrietta, to let me use her phone and call a Fairlea local bakery and express order a cake to bring out on stage. I also managed to call the venue and ask them to pick up some cupcakes to be waiting in the green room when we arrived and put up any party supplies they had on hand.

It was exhausting, like most things on this tour I guess, but once we rolled into town everything had been squared away, our efforts were well worth it.

Did you know that when James smiles, like really smiles, he has the most adorable dimples that carve right into his cheeks?

A smile that makes me breathless. A smile that remained on his face all day as we surprised him with our homemade banner, confetti, and treats. A smile plastered on his face the entire show, especially when we surprised him with our song, cake, and the entire crowd sang him happy birthday.

When the show ended, the band freshened up and went to meet some fans out by the front of the venue, and I had to run back into the bus and record my journal entry and write this letter, as I currently am before they came back.

My journal entry contained the word “James” like 40 times.

GOD! He ignores me almost all of the tour, speaking to me only about the essentials or whatever's going on around us on our days off, I finally decide he isn’t into me and I should just chill out for a bit, and now I’m suddenly all about him again. Maybe it’s just because I’m around him literally every day… Maybe it’s because I felt a hint of (healthy! Definitely healthy!) jealousy when he looked at everyone singing to him on stage and in the crowd except for me… Ugh.

We’re on for another multi-day stretch of shows, so please forgive me for fewer letters as the days go on,

Roxy

***

Look I know I said I’d be sending fewer letters but I NEED to tell you guys this.

After arriving in Farmingville, New York, around 9ish in the morning, I was abruptly awoken to the sound of Gustavo yelling at the band about who knows what. Apparently, this pissed them off so much they came storming onto my bus, told me to get ready as fast as I could, and thirty minutes later we were sneaking out of the venue and into a taxi that drove us right into the heart of Manhattan.

We messed around the city for the ENTIRE DAY and Gustavo had no way of finding us since he had our phones. Finally, we got to be the tourists instead of the attraction, before getting back to the venue before the show started.

Once the taxi dropped us off right outside of Time Square, Logan had the brilliant idea for each of us to pick one thing we wanted to do, and do our best to complete them before the end of the day. The list is as follows:

Kendall wanted to go to the top of the Empire State Building

Logan wanted to visit the Morgan Library

Carlos wanted to see Spider-Man

James (after loudly complaining we couldn’t see something on Broadway) wanted to take a sightseeing cruise around the bay to see the Statue of Liberty

I wanted to see the musical instrument display at the MET and I convinced everyone to join me for a lunch picnic in Central Park.

Today was literally perfect, though I did feel a bit bad about leaving Austin and Mick back at the venue to run the soundcheck without me.

Besides admiring the thousands of advertisements roving around the Square, the first thing we did was hit the Morgan Library. The architecture was just breathtaking and it was amazing to see the carefully curated collection of historical documents. They even had musical manuscripts and printed forms of music from nearly one hundred years ago… I wonder how a boy band in 1909 would look… Or if my journals will be on display in 2109… Scary!

Not as scary as the top of the Empire State Building, though!

It was so cold and windy up there, even in the middle of the summer. I practically had to cling to Carlos’ arm to feel even a little bit stable, but of course, he wanted to get right up to the very edge of the building and look straight down. Kendall and Logan wanted to join him (one to spit off the edge and the other to try and calculate how far away the second tallest building in NY was) so I got passed off to James. Would it have killed him to put his arm around me and tell me it would be alright? Jesus. He just stood there, silently looking off into the distance while I clutched at his arm. Message received: He isn’t into me.

The rest of the day was fun and I wanted to write more but now I’m a bit sad after writing that. All I really want to do is go to bed now; I’ll tell you about it when we meet again, I guess.

Roxy

***

Daddy,

Tour is hard. So hard. And I feel so stupid for thinking that I was cut out for this kind of thing. Songwriters are for the studio, not the stage. I’ve spent so much time around the guys I’m starting to go crazy. You and I always talked about traveling if we had the money, and let me tell you one day per city is hardly enough to even say that I’ve been here. It’s not cross-country exploration if I haven’t explored five minutes past the closest coffee shop because I can barely keep my eyes open without caffeine.

I’m constantly tired. My back hurts from sleeping on the couch. My fingers are so sore. My eyes are dry from the incessant spotlight lighting us up for thousands of people every night. The next person to ask me for something might get their head bitten off if they don’t say “please?”

Just because I’m an assistant doesn’t mean I get to be walked all over.

The applause is nice though, hearing everyone sing along to my songs even in parts of the country I’ve never even heard of… Maybe that’s enough to get me to Duluth.

I can’t wait to see you. Sorry for the depressing letter, I’m having a hard time being away from both of my homes.

Promise you’ll listen to the setlist before you see us?

I hope I’m making you proud,

Roxanne

***

Hi.

The shows in Lima, Ohio, and Falcon Heights, Minnesota were great. Our friends are just so talented. It was hard being so close to Duluth, and I invited my dad to the show last minute, but he wasn’t able to make it.

We’re driving to Essex, Vermont now - 13 hours into a 20-hour journey.

The weather out here has been awful, it’s been thunder storming nonstop, so we haven’t been making as many stops as we usually have. Just my luck I’m stuck with Logan and James, and I’ve been writing a song all day.

It’s a song for James’ invisible girls… More accurately, a song full of words I wish he would say to me.

Am I out of mind, or just invisible?

Anyway. It’s been extra hard to write because the two of them were sitting less than three feet away from me the entire time. They’re both so nosey, consciously or not and kept looking over at me. I could tell they wanted to ask me about it, but at least they were respectful enough not to.

It’s got a really beautiful guitar melody, but I’d love to get my hands on my keyboard back home because I have a cool idea for a backing track… Never thought I’d be excited to play the piano but here I am, itching to play it thousands of miles from home.

We play Boston, Massachusetts in a few days, and the boys kept talking about wanting to hit up a pizza place in the city that they visited during one of their hockey tournaments a few years ago. At this point, I’m just trying to get through the next 7 hours. That’s when we get to the next venue, though we have to take a day off from the show tomorrow. Not only is it Carlos’ birthday, but it’s the day of Hawk and Rebecca’s trial. Sweet, sweet seventeen spent reminiscing one of the worst moments of our entire lives. Whoo whoo.

In other depressing news, after coming to the realization that I like James, but he doesn’t like me, it’s been extra hard to be around him. Mostly I just hang out with Austin and beat out my frustration on his drum kit… The last 13 hours have been like hell. Every time James smiles, it makes me want to. His laugh rings in my ears, sending a jolt straight through my heart. Whenever he gets up to walk by me, it takes everything in me not to stare as he moves about the bus.

It’s exhausting… Having a crush on someone is supposed to be fun. I’m supposed to feel like I’m walking on air, and glow, and sparkle, and shine. Instead, I feel like shit.

Truly, I guess I don’t really know him like I thought I did. What happened to the always flirty, unserious, loverboy who took me on a date our first month in Los Angeles?

I think I blew my chance with him once I met Dak, and I think I hate myself for it.

Exhausted and missing home,

Roxy

***

Happy birthday, happy trial day,

I hope you’ll be pleased to know that Hawk and Rebecca will be going away for a long time. We tried to celebrate Carlos’ birthday with cupcakes at the venue, but no one had an appetite after our Skype trial. To try and lighten the mood, I played a few songs he showed me at the beginning of the tour on my guitar, but I could tell as he absently sang along it wasn’t really helping.

Though, in other news that I shouldn’t be happy about, James spoke to me today unprompted and asked if I was okay after my testimony. Apparently, I was speaking quite shakily… Which, yeah. I was fucking kidnapped and asked to recount it in front of a room full of people I don’t know, of course, I was shaky. But at least he was thinking about me.

Maybe he needs signs or cues or reasons to act or something… Weirdo.

Anyway, we’ll bring a cake out for Carlos during the show tomorrow and have the crowd sing for him. Hopefully, he’s in better spirits tomorrow.

This was a weird letter, I know. Life’s weird recently, but thanks for reading. Miss you two.

Roxy.

***

Carlos fucking Garcia has been reading my mail. I’m convinced of it! Because tonight, when the band did the little introduction of their musical accompaniment, Carlos introduced me, walked right up to me, planted to sweetest, wettest, loudest kiss onto my cheek, and told me he loved me in front of the whole crowd.

When I told him I loved him back, we got some “awwws” (mostly “boooos” that I’m choosing to ignore) and continued the show.

Then.

When the show ended.

James grabbed my hand, dragged me off towards the back door of the venue, onto some side street alley where we couldn’t hear the crowds of people leaving the show anymore, and asked me if I wanted to make out.

A reason to act! Carlos telling thousands of people he loved me was a reason to act!

So.

We made out in a dirty, smelly alley and I think it was the best night of my entire life… Besides the five seconds I’m pretty sure a rat touched my foot.

There is hope yet,

Roxy

P.S.

When I got back to the bus I was buzzing so bad I told Logan everything. That I liked James, that we kissed, that we kissed some more, that I think about him all the time, that I’ve written one and a half songs about him already.

I’m in so deep at this point… And all Logan did was grin at me - stupid, dumb grin - and say “Finally,” before heading off to his bunk to sleep.

Camille, I hate your almost-boyfriend and I’m drawing all over his face in Sharpie tonight.

***

Oops,

Not to leave you two on a cliffhanger but the last month of tour has been so insane I haven’t even had a minute to myself to write (letters or otherwise), think, or even just take a breather in a coffee shop in the middle of nowhere.

The rockstar lifestyle is hard to get used to… Hopefully, we budget more off days for future tours or I might go crazy.

To answer the question I know is on your minds: No. Nothing else happened with me and James, though he does actually sit down and talk to me now (even if it’s mostly work-related, I’ll take it). We toured all throughout most of the other states in the country, I’d write them all here but I lost track after Boston if I’m being honest. Though I do know that at one point we were in Phoenix, Arizona and Kendall accidentally said “Hello, Las Vegas!” to the entire stadium.

MSG was insane. Best venue I’ve ever been to, the best crowd we’ve ever had, and the second-best night of my life.

As I write to you now, we’re about to play our last show in Duluth, Minnesota, before our three-day journey home. I’ve got a bunch of silly string to prank the boys with on stage during their solo sets… They won’t even know what hit them!

My dad finally got to meet the guys, though I’m not sure he liked any of them but he was kind enough - but what father would like the four boys his daughter is best friends with? I have no idea why he keeps calling James “Jay” but whatever. After the show ended I snuck him out of the venue and showed him our buses, and trucks for stage set up, and let him meet Mick and Austin as well - Austin even performed his song for my dad… His first audience member!

Safe to say, he loved Austin’s number, but how he felt about everything else, he didn’t share on his face like normal. I like to think I’m pretty good at deciphering how my father feels at this point in my life, but he kept his expressions at bay as we walked around everything we had waiting for us outside. I hope it didn’t put him off or something, considering I know that being a musician was his dream, too. What he did say was: “You shared this bus with two boys?” and “Which guitars are you using, Honey Bun? You deserve only the best.”

Dads.

I also got to meet Logan and Carlos’ families! (Minus James’... I felt really bad for him that his parents weren’t there…) Logan’s moms were so sweet - overly doting on him, fixing up his outfit, practically smothering him with health facts and tips. I think one of his moms is a realtor, while the other is a doctor, which would explain Logan’s want to be a doctor himself. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s a pediatrician. She gave off the vibe she’d be amazing with kids. It must have been so wonderful to grow up in that household :)

Since I’d already met Carlos’ dad, Mr. Garcia was kind enough to introduce me to his wife and three daughters. Genetics work in mysterious ways, blessing each of the Garcia children with the same dark hair and alluring eyes. It was hard to tell sisters Maria, Lupe, and Alena apart, but after talking to them a bit I was able to find some differences. They all followed me on ScuttleButter, so maybe we’ll talk more in the future. I loved getting to know them! Mrs. Garcia and her son also share a lot of the same mannerisms - they’re both curious, caring, and just a bit ADHD. The two of them spent most of their time together with the girls, pointing out different things about the venue, sharing stories from their time away from each other, and the coolest part was their switching back and forth from English to Spanish depending on if they wanted their conversations to be overheard or not.

At one point I think they were talking about me (and James) but I can’t be sure. Maybe if I’d taken Spanish in school instead of French my freshman year…

I wish Mrs. Knight had been there, but Kendall and James kept themselves occupied by talking sports with my dad. For a bit, Dad and Kendall talked about guitars after mentioning that I was teaching him how to play, leaving James out of the loop, so I went over and struck up a conversation with him.

Normal. That’s what we are - or more accurately what our relationship is - though, I think he looks at me a bit differently now. There’s no evidence to that last statement, I just feel his eyes on me sometimes and it makes my chest flutter. I much prefer being friends (who made out) that are able to be around each other, than whatever his weird, “ignore Roxy” game was.

The show’s in 10, so we need to start walking to the stage!

I loved writing to you two, but I can’t wait to get back to talking face-to-face. I’m in dire need of a girl’s night.

See you soon (for real this time),

Roxy <3

--

A little change of pace before season two! Thanks for reading :) Support for this story has been overwhelming!

Since school is starting back up, I'm going to be switching back to posting every two weeks instead of every week. <3 

Season two starts September 5th, but I'll do my best to post little one-shots and such on my tumblr, so check over there every once and a while :)

[daisymae-12]

Bold All That Apply

Thank you for the tag @cha-melodius I had a fun time !! 🌞 includes ramblings because, as usual, I cannot shut the fuck up and I'm an over sharer, sorry in advance 💀

APPEARANCE: i’m under 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

Ramblings: I used to need glasses 24/7 but I hated them so this year I was over it and just went fuck it and got night contacts so now I need nothing during the day !!! Absolutely LIFE CHANGING. Also I've never dyed my hair but I get a lot of people assuming I have. A friends mum refuses to believe me and straight up accuses me of lying?!?! The other week my SIL asked me where I went to get my hair dyed and I'm like bruh this is my natural colour you've known me for 11 years 💀

HOBBIES AND TALENTS: i play a sport // i can play an instrument // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe // i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks (if i can afford it) // i can do a handstand

Ramblings: I quit my architecture job 5 years ago to be a full time artist/illustrator ✌🏻 (haven't actually been working these last two years because reasons but I'm going to art/create/work again next year woooo 🤪) You know in hindsight maybe turning my hobby into my job isn't all that great 😂

RELATIONSHIP: i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for (more than) ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online

Ramblings: Can't believe I'm saying this but my husband and I only started talking in high school because a mutual friend needed the two of us to FAKE DATE to play a prank on another friend and then we started dating for real 💀 I cannot make this shit up. brb writing a fanfic based on my life 😂

AESTHETICS: i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season 🍂

Ramblings: Surprise surprise I have nothing to say!

MISCELLANEOUS: i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend// i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs

Ramblings: These are really random?? I don't have three dogs but I would like a life-like groundhog statue to put in my garden. My extracurricular activities involve doing whatever my friend is into at the moment. Lately it's been tennis but I've made a lot of excuses so I've managed to escape that so far. (I do have my tennis racquet ready though! so maybe one day!) Now he's into lawn bowls which I'm actually intrigued by so I'm going to go do that next week 🤔

No pressure tags (also fyi you don't need to do the ramblings, i just added that 😂 but if you do I will 100% read it) @myheartalivewrites @heybuddy-drabbles @suseagull04 @cultofsappho @celeritas2997 @14carrotghoul @read-and-write- @gwiazdziarka @purgingmyemotions + anyone else who wants to do this really random tag game LOL