#i need to physically traumatize that 20-something

[fischlcatgirl]

i need childe to get covered in blood NOW. (remembers i have a copy of genshin impact and also a copy of the video game character known as tartaglia) i am going to go throw him off a cliff

[widebrimmedhatsblog]

ONYX STORM ⚡️⚡️⚡️

My thoughts below the cut! Spoilers galore. This is all from my first read through, so we’ll see what changes by the time I finish my second read. I’m still pretty jumbled up about the book (I am physically incapable of opening up goodreads and giving it a rating) and, frankly, I think my notes are going to reflect this! Also, this is thoughts for the WHOLE BOOK, so please don’t open the full post if you’re not done with the WHOLE BOOK.

I’m pasting my notes directly from the doc I took them on while reading , and adding extra post-read commentary when I feel the urge! Also this is your warning that I swear quite a bit in these! For they are candid.

ch1-10:

- i will say i thought the ch 2 epigraph was an inntinnsic clue but now im not so sure bc it’s not that rare it’s just that they kill everyone who has it ??? (commentary from future helena: this is about lilith…right?)

- tell me something, violence. why is it always you? 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

- what IS a soul. how can you take a soul apart piecemeal. why do you think he gave up part of his soul. who told you that. (CFFH: i stand by this. none of this makes any sense to me.)

- hmmmm no red post fingering! curious…very curious (CFFH: i still don’t know about this one dawg)

- the kiss beneath her ear after he helps her get dressed somebody sedate me

- god DOES garrick like imogen because mans does NOT act like it poor im (CFFH: I seriously cannot stop wondering when the hell Rebecca decided to make immrick canon because i LIKE the ship, but on my fw and if re reads it does not read like Garrick likes her, and I would say that holds true till the very end of the damn book)

- VIOLETTTTTTTT I LOVE HER she’s so fucking back (CFFH: violets characterization was my favorite thing about this book. i was really scared about xaden leaving because frankly rebecca writes violet best with him, but she held her own so much better than she has in the other two books. i always love her, but she was incredible here.)

- the bits about vi being a good duchess i Knew that was him saying he wanted to marry her (CFFH: this is an example of what i like to call RY’s “gotcha ass foreshadowing”)

- also i have always characterized fen in my head as loving the movement more than xaden i know what’s up

- i’m soooo excited about him being the duke this is so embarassing im pumping my fists

- did NOT see the samara field trip coming what the fuck

- EVEN HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY HES STILL TSKING CARE OF EMD EKDNRNRNRN (CFFH: yeah.)

- hey guys what the fuck was that dream? did RY see the cat/violet shippers and get ideas

- WHAT THE FUCK. i saw NONE of this coming

- GARRICKS A WIND WIELDER ???? (CFFH: obviously did not age super well…however garrick was acting so sus here and his dialogue felt so off that i genuinely thought he was the traitor for a fat minute)

11-20

- WHETS RNRJRNRNRNRNRNRJEKEKKRRN

- IS THIS THE MARKED ONES SECOND SIGNET TNEORY (CFFH: can you tell i was a big fan of the marked ones second signet theory. also what’s xadens third signet then? also i feel like if EVERYONE has 2 vi will have 3! i have a theory explaining it below somewhere)

- WLSO DID XADEN FHCKINF KNOW (CFFH: they actually handled this really well i was so nervous they’d have the fight again)

- dude im like short circuiting sick to my stomach HES SOOOOOOO BOYFRIEND ? (CFFH: what on EARTH was this about?)

- well the fuck aware!!!!!!!!!

- i can’t breathe

- i need my inhaler

- LIAM WIELDINF ICE (CFFH: again, can you tell i was a big fan of the marked ones second signet theory? fun fact, i actually wanted to write it into ITHOIA but then i realized a. how much work it would be to concoct that many signets and b. i’d have to give xaden THREE, and decided to pick my battles. however i did brainstorm what signets had xaden energy for giving him a third one and immmmmm immmm having ideasssssss)

- YOURS X

- why do i agree with JFBs venin logic man

- god halden is her traumatic ex relationship goddddd (CFFH: i edited out most of my complaining, but i was super against the halden idea (per my predictions). this might get me cancelled, but it did feel fan service-y? to me? which is fine! fans deserve to be serviced! there are moments of this book in which i am the fan being serviced! but when it become clear RY was going in the halden direction, i was super stressed about how she’d handle it, and im thrilled she made him toxic. THRILLED.)

- SECOND KROVLAN UPRISING

- knowing miss yarros and her gotcha ass foreshadowing ridoc is going on that quest lmdao

- PRFOEOEKEENDJEJEN PROFESSOR RIORSON PROFESSOR RIOROSN (CFFH: not only do i stand by this, but i actually wanted to write teacher roleplay for kinktober and i didn’t bc i didn’t think the fandom would take a liking to it, but CLEARLY rebecca didn’t have those concerns)

- i am going to commit crimes against humanity your relationship did not just END SJEJEJEJENR R (CFFH: i’ve noticed miss yarros has begun to really lean on chapter cliffhangers, and frankly, it pisses me off. i understand she needs to get her bag with kindle unlimited and all, but it makes for a stressful reading experience imo. however, this one got me. this one got me SO bad i had to take a walk to calm down. i have been looking forward to professor riorson for MONTHS and i was convinced it was crashing and burning before my eyes. maybe this is why i shouldn’t read past 1 am. i know rebecca has given interviews and has said she needs there to be constant tension in their relationship or else there’s no story, and while i know what she means, THIS tension felt so manufactured to me. i also think she could pull off a war story with them just like …together. i believe in her. the story needs tension, but it doesn’t need to be between them like this, imho.)

- we live by the codex/i live by you 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫I AM YOURS AND YOU ARE MINE AND THERE’S NO LAW OR RULE IN THIS WORLD OR THE NEXT THAT CAN CHANGE THAT

- you know what we might get shadow sex in this book. we might. (CFFH: we do! and i think we can get more with asim!xaden)

- fun fact about me it took till my THIRD RE READ to see that xaden controls the shadows with his hands.

- there’s been like 3 indirect marriage references if my fucking empire of storms prediction was correct im going to scream (CFFH: so i actually didn’t get to scream because i was too busy MOURNING the lack of a RIORGAIL WEDDING.)

- PAPA SORRENGAIL HAS NAME AND ITS ASHER ?????

- ridocs blow job joke was funny i cackled

- papa sorrengail (im going to deadname him) i do love you man

- SHADOW HANDCUFFS OH MY GOS i had a seizure in my reading hammock

- he is my choice. that got me. that felt good.

- DRAAAAAAAAKE (CFFH: i may say this later, but alli (no tag bc she’s not done reading yet) made drake so sexy to me (and amy! also no tag) and i was kind of disappointed lmfao)

- vi rlly out here playing cousins or dating

21-30

- i loooooove him calling her love all the time

- it’s so crazy to me that he’s relaxed without magic but im glad! since i do think this is his ending over all

- helena bets time: the deal the krovlan rebels didn’t uphold was smth to do with the irids or the feather tails

- “xaden riorson is a lot of things, but happy usually isn’t one of them” hey man what the fuck

- this feels like a fever dream this is the dragon show christmas episode that isn’t relevant to the plot what do you mean they’re bonding over horses

- hey guys is this…capitalism?

- i can’t get over the isle kingdoms being kerch (CFFH: if you haven’t read six of crows this won’t make any sense, but if you have….)

- ARETIA IS THE SECOND MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I MVE EVER SEEN AND MY HOME IS THE FIRST (CFFH: he was ON ONE in this)

- maybe im toxic but he’s being so nice im so anxious about something going wrong 💀 like he stays in the isles or something jesus

- “even if we did, we can’t be in two places at once” + xaden acting weird ….. (CFFH: i want to say third signet but i don’t know)

- what the FUCK is going on with him like it’s really hot but it’s freaking me out

- IM GIVING DIPLOMACY A TRY NOT SURE ITS FOR ME THOUGH (CFFH: dare i say lilith parallel)

- HE WOULD HAVE IF HE’D MET HIM. knocked me on my ass.

- i have an idea i just dont like being wrong baby violet i need to give you a forehead kiss

- why is violets dad the grandpa from the inheritance games

- im going to bed fr fr now but my last minute prediction is that he marries vi to make her an aristocrat (this is wishful thinking) (also we don’t HAVE to rescue halden) (like it’s fine if we don’t)

- MY CONSORTTTTTTTT

- WHEN WOULD BE. can he propose for real. please. (CFFH: this is hurting my feelings)

- bro his LINES IN THIS ???? who do you swear fealty to/VIOLET

- he’s acting less sus…i did NOT like that epigraph abt “returning to his true nature” (CFFH: maybe im on something but idk if this was meant to reflecrt him draining the alloy or whatever it was orrrr if it was abt vi channeling somehow!)

- im almost worried he’s trying to marry her before he kills himself or something but he keeps telling her how selfish he is so maybe not (CFFH: close!)

- her EDS is also a lot better done this time around (CFFH: from a layman’s point of view, obviously, but her injuries were much more graphic, and her other symptoms were actually on page. i really appreciated this)

- oh my godddd sloane and dain.

- i feel like the bond fuckery is vi’s second signet ???? i ALSO feel like it’s sexy

- DAXTON

- PAPA SORRENGAIL HAS A MAIDEN NAME

- also bodhi TOTALLY has a second signet that little LIAR i wonder if he’s an inntinnsic too or smth.

- god imagine bodhi has resurrection

- im trying to be normal but i feel like its insane we’re just now learning where violets family is from idk!!!

- why is dain sweet in this idk also this happened earlier but vi’s dad teaching him languages FOR violet makes me want to cry

- im so fucking proud of violet holy crap

- is violet ??? unnbrian????

31-40

- FOREHEAD TAT LIKE THEOPHANIE!!!!

- violet absolutely can wield there im calling it rn shawty is MAGICAL (CFFH: i guess maybe it’s her touched by dunne ??? thing ??? and she’s somehow ??? half god ????)

- god xaden and dain love her so much

- why does rebecca never let me see xaden do her wraps for her i want to seeeeee

- they’re all in couple pairs so obviously dain and garrick are fucking next (CFFH: this was a joke but tbh…i could be convinced idk)

- god so timing wise DID papa sorrengail meet xaden’s mom !/!:!3&3’ejd (CFFH: i don’t think so ??? but maybe ???)

- not sure my thoughts on the name talia (CFFH: this is bc i picture my bestie Thalia Grace)

- the mommy issues are churning my stomach

- i loooooove aaric holy

- dude i totally thought ridoc was dead

- babe! this isn’t you!

- oh my god ?????? i was NOT expecting violet to give them the old kazzledazzle (CFFH: this is another six of crows reference in which Kaz uses someone’s child as leverage by implying that he’ll kill them, basically, except Kaz is on page morally gray. in THIS book violet is, but i don’t think she had been before now)

- this is genuinely honest to god NOT how i thought their relationship would go and it’s freaking me out

41-50

- you’re my soul JESUS what is he ON

- god poor andarna

- I KNEW HE WAS AN ARIES AND NOT A PICSES I KNEWWWW ITTTT

- she wrote him a letter 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

- i will say i’ve been wondering if the venin effects xaden experiences are more of a ptsd metaphor than anything

- is cuir trans bc i totes thought she was a woman

- ….it would be a shame to kill my last living relative….

- god the adaptations to the running landing mean so much to me im so proud of her

- violet baby i love you to pieces

- you do some of your best work on that throne 😭😭😭😭 (CFFH: the amount of callbacks in this book was very intriguing to me)

- WERE HOME VI ACT LIKE IT

- i was actually rlly against xaden telling anyone he was venin but it’s all gone surprisingly well

- if lindell and lewellen are xaden and liam’s gay foster dads….dont call don’t text

- shadow handcuffs………………..

- im a fan!

- god i did NOT expect that to be the route they took? with the sex ? (CFFH: i thought they were gonna handcuff XADEN. )

- she is absolutely having xaddys dreams but idk what the FUCK the cat one was

- IS XADENS THIRD SIGNET PROPHETIC DREAMS. (CFFH: im leaning towards venin mindfuckery but who knows)

51-end

- i am actually really enjoying tairn and adarna this read although id like a dragon punnet square

- violet is so venin. xaden IS power she says while she says SHE IS power mmmmm rebecca i know your secrets (CFFH: see yall after book 4 idk)

- hi who the fuck was the high priestess and why does it matter im so confused i can see the puzzle pieces and i am flipping the table

- also crack pot theory entered my head. if xaddy gets 3 signets then vi has to get 3 signets. tairn never says naolin he always says “the one who came before” what if…hear me out…somehow it was papa sorrengail???? and not naolin ??? at least not naolin the whole time so then she’s getting a third signet from tairn

- why the fuck did vi not listen to aaric in the first place mans clearly knows what he’s talking about (CFFH: #drama)

- okay is violet a demigod. is that what’s going on

- IS HER HAIR NOT ACTUALLY SILVER (CFFH: i feel like it has to be ????)

- okay wait im thinking about the dedication thing they said earlier -> lilith is sick -> they think fetus vi is going to die -> they ??? dedicate ??? her ??? to dunne ??? (CFFH: i still don’t know actually except she’s two and not a fetus? and it was just papa sorrengail. also i think they rode tairn there LMAO but maybe im insane)

- i cant get over garrick being a distance wielder i need to check on the immrick girlies (CFFH: immrick girlies i hope you’re well!!)

- god how are the irids involved in rsc ???

- i exist for tairn, but i live for xaden okay girl okayyyy

- god does she get to keep being an inntinnsic now ?????

- THRILLED about her sleeping in xadens clothes

- were past the break up stage he’s sooooo real i love him

- core. memory. (CFFH: this is the biggest sin rebecca’s committed anachronism wise my god)

- god DID they get secret married ????

- god when they said bring your brother and i thought she meant liam was being resurrected i actually started to enter cardiac arrest (CFFH: am i the only one 😔)

- is bodhi actually his secret brother and garrick knows and we don’t because what the fuck (CFFH: i guess it could just be vibes?)

- my heart is not in my chest cavity after the liam business

- COLONEL DAXTONS GUIDE TO EXCELLING IN THE SCRIBE QUADRANT!!!!!

- i knew that was how it was going to go purely from alli’s take the second they said they had mira i was like reciting the sitq ending (CFFH: obviously i was slightly wrong but still! this is controversial but the fact that she let everyone were close to (mira/ridoc) live and only killed off tertiary characters kind of undercut the experience for me idk!)

- oh my god dain and sloane 🥹

- come back to me/only ever you

- DUKE OF ANGST

- is garrick’s distance wielding how they dealt with the fuck ass trips to aretia that didn’t work with the timeline bc that’s brilliant actually god damnit

- the bullshit about being everywhere at once means something i can feel it

- RHIANNON?????

- cannot believe that line is feirge

- hi so fun fact i don’t think jm meant to read for this many hours straight i feel like im locked in a trance

- THE ONLY PERSON I TRULY LOVE ???? ABOUT QUINN??? IMOGEN ???

- what on earth is imogen’s second signet bc i don’t think that’s how fire wielding works ????

- i cannot believe the marked ones all have second signets what the ever loving fuck

- i feel like quinn’s death was just not that impactful however imogen saying her mom and sister will know who she is made me tear up jesus

This is where I stopped taking notes!! I’m SO confused about the ending. To be quite honest, I think I’ll reblog this with my thoughts on the ending after I’ve re read it, because I’m LOST. What did Xaden show Sgaeyl ???? Who turned venin with him, because I thought Bodhi but maybe Garrick but maybe both??? how DARE rebecca now show me the riorgail wedding ?/??2?3?3$33&:! WHO does he have a DEAL with???

misc thought that didn’t make it up there:

- i LOVE how she handled Sawyer’s amputation and rehab.

[ayejayspam]

INFODUMPING ABOUT JOHN DOE<3

Regular guys are fully grown and were never children

His species is a regular guy (hair ball)

He likes burgers

He doesn’t like sweet things, but would eat anything you made him

He prefers bitter stuff

His favorite snack is teeth

His likes include you, teeth, eyes, baby rats, television, and static

His dislikes are under stimulation, being alone, “That Guy”, You ignoring him, and baths

He is afraid of water (reason being that regular guys have to swim through large bodies of water in order to escape the motherball which causes a fear of water in a lot of regular guys)

Doe nearly drowned in the river when escaping the motherball, which is why he’s afraid of water

Regular guys don’t need to take baths. If their fake body needs to be cleaned, they will simply eat it and reform it again!!

His fake body will melt if it touches water, but his actual body (hair ball) won’t die, it will just be very painful and traumatic

He feels through his hair which means that he doesn’t like combing his hair, tieing it up, and cutting his hair is the equivalent to cutting off limb

He has many teeth

He has the power to manipulate reality and get “You” to say and do anything he wants, as shown in ending 4 “Yes”

He is gender-fluid, bisexual and goes by any pronouns. “His gender is just as mysterious as he is!!”

He has no organs or bones, but he can create them if you wish!

He eats materials to make up his fake body. Harder materials lead to a harder form, as softer materials make his body softer. His form also can freeze in extreme cold and melt in extreme heat

He is around 20-40 years old (Regular guys are already grown when made)

Regular guys produce asexually

They are classified as pests due to how fast they spread

Doe’s IQ is slightly higher than the average in uncanny valley, but slightly lower in the human realm

Doe’s scars are not due to him being “sad”, they are a kink/reminder

The reason he can feel is because strands of hair are spread throughout his body

His hairball form is 2 ft tall

Cartoon physics apply to him and he is described to move like a claymation figure

His voice claim is Weird Al and Fox (the creator) stated that “his voice sounds like when someone is talking to you in a dream and you forget how it sounded”

He states that creating 2 eyes is difficult and it can cause him to have blurred vision, but “he will do it if you think it will make him perfect”

Even though he is a sexually active adult, that is not his main goal. He strives for genuine connections and affection

His shirt changes based on how he’s feeling and it can say words or have pictures!

He doesn’t have pain receptors, so he didnt know that stabbing you in ending 2 would hurt you

He slightly pefers taller and bigger partners because it makes him feel protected, but he will love you no matter what!! He will love you no matter what body type you are!!

He leaves you a gift no matter the ending (ex. even when doe loses interest in ending 3, he still leaves you a parting gift)

He is a sadistic masochist

His interest increases when you choose to not take a shower (he prefers your natural scent)

He also likes to scare you because “you’re cute when you’re scared” :3

If you were to kiss him, he would be very happy and his reality will reflect that!!

Everything about you is appealing to him. EVERYTHING. When he is in love, it is HARD to make him fall out of love, but if you are firm enough with him, he will eventually take the hint.

Doe is a hoarder and is hinted to be very messy. If you had baked him something, (ex. cake, cookies, etc.) he would ether eat it, or keep it in his endless pile of shit <3

Speaking of which, he will most likely lose you in his house :p

He’s not rlly good with comforting people with depression, but he will try his best!! He will give you all the reassurance you need by giving you “gifts”,(i use that word very lightly) affection, and watching tv with you!!

He repeats words to emphasize how he’s feeling!! (ex. “I just love love love you!!”)

He loves the feeling of static from when you lick vintage television (whatever the fuck that means 😭)

Though, he doesn’t need to blink and only blinks when he wants to, when he does blink, it sounds like something else. (ex. car crash, glass breaking, screaming, metal clanking together, etc.)

His birthday is November 35th!! (people celebrate it on the 5th of december!)

He behaves like he’s in a cartoon and can be a little slow… (in a loveable way ofc)

He’s allergic to pollen and certain types of flowers </3

He’s also more prone to abdominal pain and nausea;(

Even though he is odd, he is NOT the creepiest creature in the valley

If doe were an animal, he would be a Bullet Dog or a Bark Cat <3

If you were to die, he wouldn’t notice it right away *_*

Doe likes the classic series!!

If you try to comb his hair, his hair WILL absorb it

He watches you sleep :3

He has no ears ^.^

He can drink anything as thick or thicker than oil or blood!

His favorite colors are bright red and burnt orange

He LOVES insects!!

He has no blood and he is naturally hard as clay

Speaking of clay, he doesn’t smell bad or good, he smells like clay or wet rain.

He feeds birds when he’s lonely in the valley 🥲💕

He can’t cry, but he can melt and whine as if he were crying

He is a demonic entity (good luck, buddy!)

Because regular guys reproduce asexually, he can create a mini doe!!

He has no friends or family (besides you ofc <3)

He’s goth but he doesn’t know it >_<

He is 5’8 :3

He weighs 50 kilograms!! (110lbs)

His skin is uncomfortably warm to the touch

If you ever tried to stab him, the knife would get sucked into him and would reappear in his hand.

He does not taste good! His fake body has no nutritional value and in fact REMOVES nutrition from yours!!

It’s hard for him to close his mouth lol

You meet him in House Hunted 2, then see him in HH 1, then finally in the John Doe game!

Idk if I said this, but his nails are naturally black and his teeth are naturally yellow <3

He doesn’t know how to wear his jacket properly

Idk if this is true, but his scars may represent how many times he’s tried to get with you-

If he got piercings, they would melt into his body within 20 minutes 😭

He can express sadness, but not in the way others can

His voice would probably be really deep in the middle of the game

When it’s his birthday, streamers and balloons randomly appear in his house and he celebrates it with his meat effigy of You!

Although he’s not the most dangerous thing in uncanny valley, he’s very hard to kill.

Things he finds cute: Everything “You” does, when “You” is scared, baby rats before they grow hair, heartbeats, and eye contact <3

His favorite candy would be hard candy (or glass 😭)

His hair is slick and uncomfortably warm

Saying “I love you” is his way of flirting

He’s not mentally ill, it’s just the way he acts

He will talk to you about his favorite shows

If he gets to eat you, he sees it as a bonus <3

If you were upset, he would stare at you, call you cute, and wrap his hair around you

He would never hurt you out of strong negative emotions 🥩🖤

He has many rows of teeth that are just collected teeth to try to mimic a human smile

He would never hurt an animal, but they’re scared of him :(

He pefers eating things raw <3

His tongue looks like a lil heart in his mouth, but it’s very long

Whenever he uses human like materials for his body, he looks a lot older and crusty, so he consumes things like metal to create a cleaner body

He stops smiling when someone makes him mad or upset

He has many outfits, but his main outfit is his favorite

He’s a stalker, but not an insane stalker

He weights about 2.5 pounds in his hairball form

He doesn’t have a belly button

He hates Maison Talo because he gets too close to the MC

regular guys are actually pretty clean and they don’t need to bathe! if his human body does get too dirty, he will eat it and craft it over again, but if his hairball body gets dirty, he can take a dust bath! regular guys usually tend to each others hygienic needs too!

The creator stated that they see doe as "trans in representation," but they want their fanbase to have fun and make him whatever they want him to be!

If doe were on a boat, would he get sea sick? The answer is no, but he would be extremely terrified.

He has no preference for the gender of his partner, so he could be considered Pan or canonically, Bisexual.

John doe can drive! Here’s his license:

[absolutechaosss]

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how elves are shown to handle grief and trauma and how that relates to Mithruns character.

The Canaries care for Mithrun is mostly well intentioned. They legitimately like him! But it is also kind of terrible at times? Most of their care is focused on the Bare Minimum that keeps him alive and his care and comfort isn't really considered because well...to them, he's not capable of understanding it anymore.

We know this because Kabru is assigned as his care taker and Lycion comments that his hair is shinier. This means even in the stressful survival situation of the dungeon with Kabrus terrible cooking and scavenged meals, he is physically healthier than he was with the canaries.

I think it's relevant Kabru was the one to care for Mithrun this way and the one eventually realize he can be capable of new desire because Kabru is intimately familiar with how elves treat trauma. Not only was he a traumatized child but I think the most important parallel here is actually Rin.

If you haven't read her section in the Adventurers Bible, Rin is also a sole survivor of a tragic event and was taken into elven custody. She is catatonic and deeply deeply traumatized. And the elves handle it *terribly*. She's treated as goods or as an animal and she's shown to be unresponsive and not able to speak. Her recovery is directly linked to her meeting Kabru when he's brought in to help her.

Rin and Mithrun are opposites in elven society. Rin is barely a person, Mithrun isn't only an elf, but a prestigious and wealthy one. But both are survivors of horrific circumstances that hurt their ability to care for themselves and perform daily activities. And for both, it's pretty clear that it was assumed that this would become their fixed state, one where care and gentleness was pointless, because they had lost the faculties to process it.

Anyway I guess I wonder if years later when Kabru hears Mithruns story and how his condition is incurable and thus denies him personhood he thought of his. I wonder how much more quickly Mithrun may have been able to adapt to his circumstances if he wasn't told he was "broken". To me at least, Mithrun was always able to react to new things and adapt, but if everyone in the world is acting like you're basically dead and unable to ever do anything than be a weapon again yeah why wouldn't you assume that. No, I don't think Mithrun will ever be back to his former self and have all his desires back but he is able to carve out space for himself so quickly with Kabru, compared to his extensive and leas effective initial recovery with the elves. Perhaps this too is an area where their lifespans hinder them as they assume 20 years is a totally normal recovery period so why would they need to try more.

[lost-in-tokyo]

Need help? Call Toji!

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader

Summary: When a mission drains you mentally and physically, you see yourself seeking for security and help from none other than Toji Fushiguro, your friend’s dad. 

Word count: 2,4k

Warnings: Toji actually raised Megumi in this one. Reader is in her early 20s and is a sorcerer. Cheating (reader has a boyfriend), oral (female receiving), bathroom sex, doggy style, manting press, multiple orgarsms, unprotected sex, creampie, hair pulling, scratching, ass slapping, daddy kink, age gap, fingering, mentions of blood (reader gets hurt in a mission). Did I forget something?

Being friends with Megumi certainly had many advantages, he was a great listener and always gave honest advice and opinions, he had excellent taste in music and generally didn't complain about listening to you talk nonstop. But surely the best of all was getting to see his dad wearing those tight t-shirts that left nothing to the imagination when you visited their house.

You could still remember the first time you came to the boy's house. It was on a Saturday afternoon, Yuji and Nobara were determined to have a video game championship, and to change the atmosphere a little, Megumi suggested that they did it at his house .

It was a hot summer afternoon and he was outside mowing the lawn, covered in a fine sheen of sweat and wearing only a pair of worn jeans. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with his forearm before slowly looking you up and down.

“Excuse me, does Megumi live here?” You tried to be as polite as possible while holding the hem of your skirt, which between us, wasn't the longest you had.

A light chuckle ripped from his throat before he answered. “Yeah, they’re inside.”

That was a few years ago, and every time you came over to Megumi's, you couldn't deny that you made as much effort as possible not to get nervous and end up stumbling over your own words when the older Fushiguro spoke to you.

It's not that you were in love, far from it, but his incredible height and his heavy layer of muscle intimidated you in an exciting way. Every time that smirk crossed his face as he looked at you, and every time those callused hands touched you in the most unpretentious way possible, you couldn't stop the thoughts that flooded your mind, thinking about what it would be like to hear him moan your name, or how many times he could make you come.

This was wrong.

So wrong!

Especially because you had a boyfriend.

It had been a few months, you had known him through work and he was always a great boyfriend. He did all your wishes, treated you like a princess and was there for everything you needed, but still, you called him when you needed help.

It was late on a Friday night, you had a bleeding leg and your whole body ached after a traumatic mission that went completely off-plan. You had managed to exorcize the curse, but you had paid a high price for it.

Moisture hung in the air, creating a thin layer of haze that lit up as the Toyota pickup that now had several shades of orange, thanks to rust, pulled up. One of its headlights had given out and the car could definitely use a good wash, but you didn't care, as seeing that truck was all you needed to instantly calm down.

“Need a ride, kid?” There was a certain mocking tone to his voice, and even in the dark, you were sure he had a smirk plastered on his face.

You opened the door of the pickup, climbing into the passenger seat, whose leather had dried out and split in places several years ago.

"Hurting?" He referred to your bloodied leg, bound by a belt, which had once been around your waist, to stop the bleeding.

"It still burns, I think I'll need stitches."

"Let's go to my place, I'll help ya with that when we get there."

You nodded slightly, leaning your head back against the seat as you listened to the sound of Black Sabbath coming out of the car's sound system.

The house was all dark, and as you went through the rooms you began to look for the presence of a certain someone.

"He's at Yuji's, helping with something." Toji replied, almost reading your mind.

You followed him upstairs, past his room and into his bathroom.

It was the first time you had entered this part of the house. His room had light walls and dark wood furniture, there was an orangey rug on the floor, but everything looked somehow organized.

His bathroom had gray tiles and a large mirror over the white vanity. The scent of his perfume was much stronger here than the rest of the house, and you could stare at his toiletries for a second before he spoke again.

“Ya can sit on the sink, I’ll take a look at yer wound.”

You did as he said as he crouched down, pulling out a vial of rubbing alcohol and gauze for a bandage. After rummaging through a drawer he found a box with some needles and a small spool of black thread.

He positioned himself in front of you, and then his icy fingers touched your thighs half covered by the fabric of your uniform skirt, making a shiver hit you.

“Don't worry, I won't look.” He assured as he spread your legs slightly apart, before lifting the foot of your injured leg and resting it on the surface of the vanity, making your back rest against the mirror.

For the first time you felt embarrassed. You were fully aware that Toji was seeing your pink panties, despite him acting like he wasn't.

He removed the belt as gently as he could, before taking a good look at your cut.

“That curse got ya good, huh? It didn't cut any arteries though”. Toji looked up, fixing his dark gaze in your eyes, that looked like those of a deer who had just seen the headlights of a car coming towards it. Your pupils were dilated and your eyes looked a shade darker than normal.

He backed away a little, pulling a black lighter from his front pants pocket and running the needle through its flame a few times. After managing to fit the thread and tie the knot he looked at you, almost with resentment for the pain you were about to feel.

“This is goin’ to hurt a little.”

His hands, now a little warmer, touched the inner part of your thigh, making a shiver run through your body. He squeezed your flesh making you gasp slightly before he inserted the needle for the first time.

A groan of pain left your throat and your hands balled into fists, pushing its nails as deep as possible in an attempt to distract your mind from the pain you felt below.

Toji continued the procedure, making eye contact with you at each stitch that was completed, he knew it wasn't time, but he couldn't stop his member from hardening and throbbing with each moan that came out of your lips, that seemed to be oh so soft.

Despite the pain, Toji's hot breath hitting your core, and the touch of his fingers so close to your most intimate area, was making the situation more and more difficult, not because of the pain, but because the pain just made the heat between your legs get worse.

"All done!" Toji was many things, but naive wasn’t one of them. He saw the small pool that formed in your little pink panties, and he saw the way you futilely tried to find a position that would help ease the heat you were feeling.

“Ya want me to take care of this too?” One of his thick fingers ran up and down your cunt, making you catch your breath to repress a moan.

"What do ya say? Want daddy to take care of this pretty lil’ pussy?”

You felt yourself clenching against nothing as you nodded, feeling your cheeks heat up as you maintained eye contact.

"Use your words, sweetheart.”

"Yes please." You said after a moment.

"Please, what?"

“Please, Daddy.”

A smirk spread across Toji's features as he crouched down, resting your freshly treated leg over his shoulder and bringing his face close to your warmth.

He roamed your territory, rubbing his nose against the fabric of your panties, taking a long sniff to absorb the scent of it before giving it a full lick.

Toji pulled your panties to the side, touching your clit masterfully with the tip of his tongue while one of his long fingers penetrated you with ease, thanks to your juices. It didn't take long for him to find your sweet spot, stimulating it while continuing the ministrations with his tongue.

He smiled as your fingers found his hair, tugging lightly at the strands in an attempt to bring him closer. Your soft moans were like the sweetest music to his ears and your taste was like a first meal for a man who had never eaten. He was hungry.

Hungry for you.

Toji had lost track of how many times he had found himself jerking off late at night thinking about you and your little skirts, the way you smiled and the way you said "Mr Fushiguro". It was too much for him. For years he had imagined this moment and now that it had finally happened, he was in no hurry.

Soon Toji's movements had you in a state of frenzy, you felt a knot forming in your belly and it tensed more and more until it burst out with a loud and clear moan, which made his member get even harder, if that was possible.

“I need to fuck ya now.” He grunted, picking you up in his arms before tossing you almost carelessly onto the bed.

You admired while Toji undressed, removing all his clothes, leaving lastly a pair of black boxers that deliciously marked the shape of his member, whose head spilled out of the garment.

He walked over to the bed, pulling you close by your ankle and helping you out of your clothes as quickly as possible, throwing them in all directions across the room before pushing you again.

“It will hurt a little, princess.” He said smirking, before spreading your legs and entering you all at once, not giving you time to adjust.

Toji was right, you weren't used to his size and at first you felt a delicious burning that soon disappeared and was replaced by pure pleasure. You could feel every inch of him, every pulsing vein passing through your tight walls making him groan.

Fushiguro thrust into you with power and mastery, hitting all the right spots. He would grab whatever piece of flesh of yours that was available, your breasts, your ass and pull you close by your shoulders while keeping a pace too fast for you to be quiet.

“Pussy so tight… so good” He leaned down, his mouth taking a hold of one of your nipples as his right hand played with the other.

Your moans echoed through the room as your nails scratched the skin on his back. “Mo-more.” You managed to say, getting hit with a particularly hard thrust before Toji sped his movements even more.

“Look at you, begging for more from someone who isn't your boyfriend. What a bad girl you are!” He tormented you, speaking with his voice, now husky with desire, close to your ear as his hands pushed your thighs until your knees almost touched your shoulders, causing his cock to reach even deeper inside you.

Your mind collapsed and your eyes rolled into the back of your head as the second orgasm of the night hit you, making your legs tremble against his muscular arms.

“Tell me y/n, does he make you cum like this?”

Nothing but a few incomprehensible moans came out of your mouth, still very bewildered with the pleasure that had consumed you. Toji's movements slowed down, coming to almost a stop, causing you to regain consciousness to the point of absorbing his question.

"No!” You almost screamed. “He doesn’t." Your voice much lower now, but still desperate for him to resume his movements, your voice a little hoarse from moaning too loud.

Toji smirked before a dry chuckle ripped from his throat, as if he'd known the answer all along. He pulled out of you ignoring your whimpering and turning you around, placing you on all fours on the mattress of his bed.

Before you could register what was happening, Toji thrusted into you all at once, keeping your back arched as he pulled your hair into a ponytail. His free hand hit your ass precisely a few times, adding to the wave of pleasure that consumed you.

“Toji!” You moaned loudly, your eyes closing, unable to think of anything else but the thick cock fucking you and the man it belonged to.

“You don't know how long I've waited to hear this.” He chuckled lightly, his hand letting go of your hair and bringing you close by the neck. His lips touched your ear, allowing you to hear his every grunt and moan as clearly as possible.

It wasn't long after that familiar feeling started to creep up again, you gripped his arm with both hands, unsure if you could hold yourself in that position much longer.

"Not yet." he gasped. "Together!"

You nodded in agreement, groaning almost tiredly.

Toji sped up his movements, hitting you as deep as possible, making you see stars and moan his name like a mantra, like it was the only word you knew. Outside the room, your moans mixed with the wet sound of your pussy and Toji’s balls hitting you repeatedly could be heard more than clearly.

“Now, doll! Come for me!” Toji pulled you closer, leaning down to kiss your lips, his tongue invading your mouth and quickly gaining dominance, while your nails found the skin of his arms and the strongest orgasm of your entire life took over your body.

Toji's calloused fingers delved into the strands of your hair, pulling you impossibly closer as he filled you to the brim with his thick cum and you shivered uncontrollably against the muscles of his abdomen.

When you finally pulled away, your eyes shed a few tears, your body was exhausted and if it wasn't for Toji holding your waist you would have collapsed on the bed.

Toji admired your state for a few seconds. Hair all messed up, mascara all smudged and irregular breathing, your lips were swollen and he could see his cum running down your legs.

He pinched your cheeks with his thumb and forefinger, keeping your gaze locked with his. “Fuck… are you sure you still want to date that asshole?”

Roblogs, comments and likes are very much appreciated &lt;3

Masterlist

[radioactive-earthshine]

Hi. I really enjoy your analysis and I was wondering if you could explain why Wally is so mean to Bart? Maybe mean is too strong but as you read Impulse it gets hard to read sometimes because it comes off as just bullying and not just 90s sitcom teasing.

Hello!

The most direct answer for why Wally is the way he is with Bart is simultaneously simple and complex with nuance that any reader of Wally's run should have been able to catch onto pretty easily.

And no, the answer isn't just "he's a jerk" even though yes, he is a jerk (Bart is too) but there's more to it.

1.) He was a little incredibly jealous of Don and Dawn for existing and he felt like their existence threatened his status with his Uncle Barry. We all know blood =/= family in this circle, but to Wally it meant MORE to him.

It's also important to note that Wally and Barry's relationship is unique in the greater examples of DC as Wally refers to Barry thoroughly as his uncle, and their tether together was through marriage (Iris). Even so, Wally was as close to Barry as a son, and the feelings they had were mutual. Wally was not just assigning himself a position within Barry's life erroneously, he is family. Period.

The Flash (1987) #109

Wally knows that Barry had kids (Iris told him and Bart had to come from somewhere) but when Jenni shows up we finally see his true introspection and rumbling thoughts about the situation of them - that he is jealous of them even though he's learned that Barry dies when they are young and didn't even get to have a relationship with him.

The Flash (1987) #114

Later, Wally finally gets to meet Don and Dawn in the future and things are tense between all of them at first. Wally is self conscious of his thoughts concerning them, that he is jealous, and there is some mutual jealousy between all three because the Tornado Twins, while Barry's children, grew up without him when Wally did.

Wally got to have a father/child relationship with Barry and they didn't.

The Flash (1987) #114

The Twins let this go and Wally does partially but there are other instances where Wally persists there is a rivalry between them later. For Wally the biodetermination is very much a part of his insecurities in this situation.

(also this is a side note they are not the catalyst or inspiration to the Legion of Super-Heroes but they do need to die to make way for a future to have it, Wally doesn't know this and probably just assumes they were)

The Flash (1987) #148

Wally continues to be jealous but he's emotionally intelligent enough to know it's not appropriate. It never was, now or otherwise.

So Wally's jealously and deep desire to be as close to Barry as possible manifested in some redirected tension onto Bart who is blood related to Barry.

2.) Bart reminds him of himself when he was kid, and he is ashamed of how he was.

This point is something Wally admits directly as a reason why he is so short with him.

The Flash (1987) #92

It's also extremely necessary to remember that Wally grew up with Rudy West as a father who was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. This is where we get meta about Wally and this is more speculation because we don't have Wally on panel saying this but; Bart reminding him of himself as a kid very easily could remind Wally of that house, that relationship, that abuse and it sets him on edge. This is something that is common among trauma survivors.

3.) Wally is young, insecure, traumatized, stressed, and Bart is a lot.

Wally here is in his early 20s, and while he was shown to be in therapy in a previous issue, he still has years of trauma built up to deal with - and not all of it is due to being raised in an incredibly abusive household with Rudy West.

When Wally gets stressed, he lashes out and gets short, Bart in particular in his introductory comics stressed him out on top of the stress he was already experiencing with Kobra.

Bart in his earlier comics was utterly feral - his own high energy and inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality led to some stressful situations between him and Wally. Wally is just not equipped with the tools to deal with Bart, mostly PATIENCE, so it led to mutual aggravation.

Bart pushes, Wally pushes, Bart pushes back and it's a pretty solid circle between them.

4.) He is in fact a jerk, and it's the result of the sum of his trauma and personality. Regardless of his status as a hero, regardless that Bart and him do have good moments.

The later issues of Impulse show this very clearly.

Impulse (1995) #82

Some people prefer to interpret Wally and Bart's relationship as sibling-like where the older sibling teases the younger one - and if you do prefer this relationship between them there is nothing stopping you from doing so, but there is more nuance behind Wally's shortness with Bart and it makes him 1000% more interesting of a character.

Impulse (1995) #84

Bart calls Wally out on his behavior in one of the last few issues of his series where it ties everything together with their relationship - Bart identifies that Wally's past is what drives him to behave the ways he does with him, and it is bringing up the past and reminding Wally that he is being a scroach that he finally talks to Bart.

It was a major step in their relationship, but unfortunately, as any Bart reader knows, it did not stay this good because of the next point.

5.) Conflicting personalities add more depth to stories and generally make a story better. Bart having a grating personality and a tough relationship with the current Flash of the time was the story the writers WANTED to tell and keep intact well into Teen Titans.

Wally doesn't KNOW Bart, not really, and he never really learns enough about him due to his chronic absences in his life - so he never got to SEE him in any real depth other than during the brief moments their comics intersected. He only sees him the way he thinks he is, not the way he ACTUALLY is.

Teen Titans (2003) #1

stfu wally

Having a beloved hero figure in a story simply not believe in one of the protagonists offers a growth subplot for the writer to focus on. Unfortunately, for Bart and Wally, it was a subplot that lasted a very very long time. This conflict between them could have ended with Impulse #84 but Geoff didn't want it to, so it didn't.

So that's the general reason why Wally is the way he is. He's not a villain to Bart and they DO get along plenty of times - but at the end of the day he was also a jerk to him (Max was too but we're not getting into that right now).

[95jezzica]

Some Naruto musings this late past midnight, but after rewatching some Naruto (og) episodes I think letting Kakashi actually teach the team new jutsus (or at least one or two?) would have helped the og show a lot. Sure, it's indicated they train, but if we actually got shown Kakashi teaching them a jutsu or two each we would also get a better sense of them being a TEAM. Them having more time together would also make Sasuke leaving hit a lot harder later on.

.

Anyway. Idk if Kishimoto perhaps wasn't sure how far the Naruto manga would go when he first started to write/draw it, but something nice to add would be...

Naruto: Rasengan is still Jiraya's to teach, but Kakashi teaching Naruto a middle- to long ranged attack would round out Naruto's skillset a LOT. Something like air bullets, perhaps. Not too dangerous on its' own, but combined with Naruto's shadow clones would be an absolute PAIN to face in battle.

Sasuke: I'm tempted to just say "team work", but a nice curve-ball I think would be healing jutsus. Sasuke has great chakra control (especially after awakening the sharingan), and it would be something Kakashi can make him study which does NOT follow in Itachi's footsteps. (Because well, neither Sasuke nor Kakashi knew the truth at the time, and Sasuke is a lil' traumatized shit in the beginning).

Sakura: Her weakness was mainly physical and low stamina, so a lot of physical training would probably do well for her. I'd love for Kakashi to also teach her how to summon the dog pack. Great back-up, tracking, and would be great for communication. Maybe something like the mudwall as well, giving the team a defensive touch they desperately need. After Sasuke leaves you could then (still) have Sakura go to Tsunade to learn healing, taking up the mantle Sasuke left behind.

.

Hindsight is 20/20 and all, but getting to SEE Kakashi teach them another jutsu or two would likely have helped the first part of the manga/anime a lot in general. Let us build a stronger connection to them all.

[md-confessions]

Sorry if I sound rambly, but

For the story Liam wanted to tell, he needed N and V's relationship, also, Nuzi was the plan by episode 3 at the latest, the pilot/heartbeat at the earliest. V's treatment of N is required to why N and Uzi connected so much, both N and Uzi were disliked by pretty much everyone in their lives (especially J and Khan in the lives of the Disassembly Drone and the Worker Drone, the former is straight up an Abuser, both physically and emotionally, it's hard to deny it, while Khan says Uzi is a disappointment in public tv like it's nothing, which is kinda abusive IMO. Not even when N was a worker he was free of abuse, the Elliots and other humans aside from Tessa treated him like he was nothing but mere scrap) and they found comfort in each other.

While she cared for N and didn't wanna have him hurt, much less wanting him to remember how his life went downhill, she did it in the worst way she could, she pushed and neglected N for at least 2 decades if we're presuming the DDs were in Copper-9 back when Uzi was a pill baby. (Uzi is canonically 18-19, maybe 20)

V was a stepping stone in N's development, not only as a character but also his relationships, he originally was a traumatized man that was scared to stand up for others, I'd argue his feelings for V were partly due to him still having faint memories of the Manor days but also the fact V didn't abuse him physically like J did, it's sorta like an abused child. They might flock to their "less abusive" parent.

This changed when he met Uzi Doorman, a Worker Drone who had gotten into the corpse spire, while he thought he was some sort of Disassembly/Worker Drone hybrid thing made to blend in with the Workers, but when they got to talking, she wasn't like J or V, she showed him kindness and he showed her kindness back, it's something both have not had for pretty much their entire lives, we also get to see the scene with the heart gun during the V and N/J and Uzi fight, another example of how N still had feelings for V at this point. By the end of the pilot, N hasn't developed his personality much, but he at least has someone to rely on, Uzi.

In episode 2 we get to see N try to keep Uzi and V from fighting during the intro, with the scene where N drags Uzi behind him after V accuses Uzi of her backstory being bullshit, also with later context, V was the liar, she probably knows why the Solver sent them there yet she hid it, trying to act all cool and stuff.

By the end of the episode Uzi becomes scared of N, which causes N to become worried he might have lost his only friend, V just says she hates him normally but this is worse, the only concern is in her face, and it's mild concern. V looks at the broken chain, which leads to the next episode.

And episode 3 is a major part of their relationship, it is where it's revealed V still cares for N and her treatment of him was a way of trying to protect him from the solver stuff, she has a reason and justification for her actions now, it's not just "I don't care about him" V's role in this episode is as its secondary antagonist (just behind Doll) This episode has a very important moment for their relationship, At the start, V demanded N to get her and him suits for the Prom, and get Uzi to let them in and kill all the Workers, V makes fun of Uzi by saying she doesn't have any friends, and then shoot her in the head, N is against this plan, already a sign he's starting to learn to stand up for himself by refusing to free V for "Prom Murder" and he starts talking about his dreams, talking about how they possibly grew up in a haunted mansion, V shows actual concern for N (for the first time in the show, at least directly), asking him and Uzi to stop prying into the Solver business.

She tries to barter with N to free her, she promises she'll only kill if necessary, though she says "You and Me, N" implying she'll still kill Uzi. Before V flies off to go commit mass murder, N tries to get her to talk about her past and work together with him, though she decapitates him, she says she knows what's best for him, even if he hates her for it. This moment outright confirms that V definitely cares for N and just doesn't want him getting hurt, even if it means she has to do it by extreme means.

And then the whole main episode happens, Uzi discovers the plan, Uzi and N reconcile, Uzi's feelings for N probably blossomed here, yadda yadda yadda, Lizzy says V is hot, yadda yadda yadda, Doll fight, yadda yadda yadda, Chica-bow V shoots Doll.

Later while exploring Doll's home, the two Disassembly Drones find the corpses of Yeva and Adam (fan name for Doll's father, I am not calling him Doll's father everytime I mention him) and when V sees the corpses, after Doll used her powers to remind her of her actions, she doesn't care much and the most she says is "they didn't taste good" which leads to N saying "V, you kinda suck" this is something N would have never said in the pilot.

N finally starts to doubt his feelings for V, at this point he doesn't have his memories of the manor, so to him, he's pretty much only ever had those feelings due to the fact she was the least abusive to him, and she literally cut his damn head off, I get why he'd be doubting if he even actually loved V at all.

Episode 4 is also important, it's where N's completely learns to stand up for himself, pretty much part of the reason why Uzi went freaky deaky is because V pretty much gaslighted and antagonize Uzi into thinking N didn't care about her and how if she died he wouldn't care. (Something she for a fact knows isn't true, as seen with N between Heartbeat and The Promening and Uzi didn't even die, imagine if she did) V is still trying to keep Uzi and N away, since from last episode, V knows that Uzi has the solver and she's scared N might get killed by Uzi due to it.

At a later point Uzi turns an arrow into some weird fleshy homunculus and V for a second looked panic, she immediately drew her weapons as she saw that. V went to go chase after Uzi while N tried to stop V, the two argue, at this argument, N finally is honest about this whole thing where V is hiding shit from N and Uzi, it's scaring him, V uses cryptic language to refer to a certain "thing" that will leave them alone, N then finally stands up to V, he berates her about her treatment of him, asking what she's so afraid of, he explains how V keeping him in the dark about this is scaring him and Uzi, N reminds V that Uzi is a kid, like them, to him, V has no reason to fear Uzi. N doesn't know about Cyn and the Solver and stuff due to the Solver wiping his and J's memories.

This argument comes to halt when N asks "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" V's face goes from anger to worry, N tells V to look after the campers as he goes investigate what's going on with Uzi.

After Uzi murders 2/3rds of her whole class V comes into put down Uzi, the Solver Drone pleads with the Dissasembly Drone to let her live, V refers to Uzi as "Cyn" saying "New Body, same Horrors?" in V's point of view, Cyn is the one behind this, not the solver, for all she knows Cyn IS the solver itself. Uzi pleads with V, asking if she can talk with N, the only person that could calm her down, and as shown later, if V had allowed N to come and comfort Uzi, things probably wouldn't have gone as bad, some campers might still have died but V still got her ass kicked.

V gets her ass kicked by Uzi Yadda, Yadda, Yadda, N comes to the rescue and after Uzi stabs him with the nanite tail she goes back to normal, N throws her into the sky and the two Dissasembly Drones talk, N tells her "what did I tell you about antagonizing her" before he goes comfort Uzi, telling her they'll take baby steps, together. After V sees N and Uzi hugging, she goes from being on edge to calming down slightly, at this point she notices maybe N doesn't need her anymore, maybe he's fine with just Uzi supporting him.

At the end she looks at Uzi and N, worried, a lot of people think she's jealous but I don't think so, I think she's still got that worry that Uzi go haywire again and get N killed, but it could also be due to N and Uzi now looking into the Solver, together.

Episode 5 is mostly a flashback episode (technically) and it shows that N and V, at one point in the past had mutual feelings for each other, as throughout most of that episode N and V are their past selves, they're silly little teenagers who got a mutual crush on each other, I'd argue this is the closest eNVy ever got to being canon. The solver uses V to do weird robot surgery on N and turn him into a Dissasembly Drone, and N gives V back her glasses so she could grab the scalpel, V hesitates and slowly recites the Golden Retrievers have gentle mouths thing, cute moment, sadly the Solver decides to ruin this moment by slamming V into the wall and trying to give N a lobotomy.

Episode 6 is V's (presumable final episode) in this episode V seems to care for both Uzi and N, though there isn't a big V and N moment before the big one (there's more Uzi and V in this episode before the big one)

Ok now lets talk about the big one, AKA: V's sacrifice at the end of the episode, so pretty much throughout the entire episode the reason why V defended Uzi so much against the sentinels, Alice and Beau is because she noticed how much she mattered to N, and it's part of the reason for the sacrifice in my eyes, I wouldn't say she did it exclusively for that though, I feel like you could read it as a form of suicide (I know this took a dark turn but) V has pretty much lived a horrible life, form conception down to this moment, as said before, she has noticed that N needs Uzi, and from V's POV, she has done her purpose, she finally trusts Uzi, the reason she didn't get in the elevator wasn't just because she couldn't, it's because she didn't want to.

I think The Genius page on Eternal Dream is not only an amazing Breakdown of V's character but also the song itself.

N and V never directly do anything in episode 7 (as V doesn't appear herself aside from the Solver posing as her), when Nori tells him to hide the fact she's actually alive, N refuses, saying she won't hide anything from Uzi anymore. Not only is he hiding the fact "Tessa" wants him to kill her, but also, he doesn't want to do the same mistakes V did when trying to protect him.

.

[writers-potion]

I just found your account and really adore all of you prompts and tips! 💖I wanted to ask how to possibly display a teen character who is kind at first, then becomes more cold due to the heavy load of their trauma and even becoming a scary, calculated ,manipulative bully to their loved one. How could I portray the gradually shift/build up in their concerning behavior and attitude, as well as how they treat said loved one without immediately resorting to physical violence and name calling to show it?

Kind To Mean: Character Development

Hi! Thanks for the ask :)

When we experience bad things in life, there are broadly two ways to frame the situation: (1) finding responsibility in ourselves and (2) finding responsibility in the world.

The way we choose to distribute responsibility between the self and the external world is vary by circumstance. What's clear, however, is placing blame only on one side is almost never helpful.

For example: Child Abuse

The World's Responsibility: Child abuse is clearly something that a person can blame the abusers for. They can resent the neighbors who never helped them and be angry at the world for giving them such a bad, traumatising experience. If they keep living in this "blame the world" mindset for 20 years, however, their situation will not improve.

Individual's Responsibility: It is partly up to the individual to be responsible for their past trauma. They may have not chosen to be hurt but now that they are, they need to step up for themselves and work on a healing process. But if they swing too far and blame themselves for inducing abuse, it would be unhealthy too.

Show how your character swings like a pendulum between these two attitudes, slowly tipping more to an angry, blaming mindset.

Small Disappointments With the World

At first, your character will start in the middle. They may be suffering, but they're still open to trying to understand the world and maybe even find forgiveness/peace with it.

Then:

Show how they try to better the situation, but face failures. This doesn't have to be a big moment of rejection, but something that makes the character feel disappointed and hesitant.

Toxic meritocracy. Show side characters who have "you can do anything if you try" mindset. Slowly, your character will stop seeking help, believing that the people around them don't really want to help.

The loved one may be unable to fully understand/accept the feelings of the character. When someone is traumatized, it's a hard thing for their loved ones too; they may not know how they should react and sometimes, this can give rise to more friction between them.

Eventually, your character distances themselves from the world and kind of losses touch with reality. They feel lonely and cannot find any motivation to commuicate with the world.

Soon, they'll stop communicating rationally but only lash out emotionally at every little thing.

Small Disappointments With the Self

Your character will at times swing to the other side and blame themselves for the trauma.

Show how they become filled with hope, then fall even deeper into self hate. They may make an elaborate plan for "self development" but when it doesn't work out on Day 2, they abandon themselves.

Internalizing toxic meritocracy.

Show how they say harsh things they say to themselves at the loved one instead, knowing they shouldn't be saying it to them.

Lashing out can be a form of self protection. When the character knows that they're in a bad place, they may feel ashamed and not want to show it to their loved one. When the love one tries to help and get closer, the character will push.

Alternate between the extremes of self-blaming and world-blaming, especially when writing internal dialogue.

Your character will have moments when they "snap" and start lashing out suddenly. Build up to this moment by showing how the character "rehearses" such a thing in their head before they do it.

Here's an example:

Character: I'm such a loser who can't even go to the supermarket without trembling. Why am I like this? Loved One: "Hey, will you get some eggs for me?" Character: Oh no no no no no. I can't! She knows I'm scared of supermarkets, then why is she telling me to go? She wants to make me feel like a loser. God, she's looking at me as if I'm a loser that I probably am. I want to run, just run from this place -- Loved One: "You going or not?" [Character suddenly springs up from their chair, shoves the Loved One aside, and runs away]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* . ───

💎If you like my blog, buy me a coffee☕ and find me on instagram! 

💎Before you ask, check out my masterpost part 1 and part 2 

💎For early access to my content and priority questions,  become a Writing Wizard 

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Tw abuse, mistreatments in psych ward

Mental health got pretty bad recently and im in a clinic after almost 10 years of being done with psychiatry due to mistreatments. Been in the hospital for 20 days before going to the clinic. Im being very strategic to hopefully save my ass a little from some of the abuse happening again, while still being real enough to get something out of it. I feel like im playing 4 dimension chess. Theyre mostly good so far, some genuinely good people not yet crushed by the system, and unlike other places its not impossible to avoid some of the staff if needed. I had a very unfortunate interview with one of the psychiatrists who upon me asking questions regarding recent physical symptoms (i just started lithium so of course i have questions) told me my worries are simply anxiety and that he wouldnt answer my questions because it would just lead to more need for reassurance. Wtf. Then he proceeded to tell me "when i go to the mechanic to fix my car, i dont expect to understand everything and just let them do their job". I mentioned previous abuse in institutions, he compared it to getting cheated on by your partner, saying i needed to trust again, as if i was choosing not to and not, you know, suffering from something traumatic in a situation of deep power imbalance. A fucking mess, other people in the clinic told me he made them cry too. Hopefully i can avoid him as there is a rotation and 2 psychiatrists everyday, but damn. Took everything i had not to get mad because I know what happens when you do. And this is one of the better places.... makes me so infuriated, and i feel genuine sorrow for all my peers that have it worse, and for younger me that had to deal with so much worse. As mental patients we are treated as subhuman, every behaviour pathologized, always making sure they keep the power by never doing what you ask, always doing what you try to refuse. The game is rigged from the start and impossible to win. Fucking dreadful.

This why I hope to just avoid psych wards moving forwards, and why I keep as much as I can to myself when forced to interact with psychiatry in any context. It really is horrible how frequently and systematically these systems harm people. The way you're being blamed and shamed for not trusting psychiatry after being traumatized repeatedly BY said institution is classic gaslighting. I'm really sorry you're stuck in this situation and I'm sending all my love.

[genderkoolaid]

hi! your blog's been encouraging to me as a trans guy, but i've recently felt that i should no longer call myself that/should just "go back to" being a girl, and idk if my train of thought makes any sense...so i just wanted to ask someone w more experience (but feel free to ignore this rant/call me out if im not making sense btw)

so yeah, my cousin's been out to me as a (binary) trans man for a few years now, and in trying to find understanding, i came out to him a few months later, but got a very flat/kinda disgusted reaction. despite my consistent support for him over the years, he has continued to "joke" about my looks/short hair and dismisses any attempts at serious conversations or even just jokes about gender/being a guy too. he also calls me things ive told him makes me uncomfortable (gender-wise) and then acts like it means nothing. he generally brushes me off by telling me to stop trying to compare myself to him, and is either prickly about it or just in-your-face "idgaf what you're talking about and i'm tired of you." it barely hurts me anymore, but ive felt connected to trans-ness for so many years (longer than id even known he was too) and his reaction to this part of me has honestly made me wonder if i'm just making it up/am trying too hard or something,,,like maybe i'm just trying to cover for being a gross 20-somethings woman ?? idk ?

i'm probably just being over-sensitive, and i dont feel it's outright malicious or anything (maybe he just doesn't think/care about it as much as me?), but i have nobody else to ask (no irl friends/people im out to) and i'm currently renting/living with him, which has brought these worries to the forefront. thanks if youve read this far, but please don't feel pressured to respond!

Your cousin sounds like he has a lot of internalized transphobia he's directing at you. Unfortunately there are trans people who try to prop themselves up and make themselves feel more confident in their transness by tearing down others. You are not being over-sensitive, and regardless of what he thinks he's doing, he's actively being cruel to you. You are well within your rights to be hurt by his actions. Living with someone who is constantly being transphobic to you is traumatizing- detransitioning can be a coping method for those who have to constantly defend themselves from transphobic abuse.

If its possible, I would recommend trying to see if there are any queer orgs in your area you could connect with (physically or online). At the least, you may find some people who can give you emotional support, and they also may be able to find you a better living situation. Even if that's not possible right now, keep reminding yourself that his behavior is cruel and you are allowed to be upset about it. You do not need to take any of his opinions on your gender seriously. You are not making up your transness or trying too hard. You are not over-sensitive, you are being hurt.

[statementlou]

my post yesterday about why I don't really care if Louis Tomlinson supports starbucks shocked me by actually circulating and getting notes and obviously I like validation and appreciation.... but I feel kind of weird about my big contribution to the topic being something that might come off as discouraging attempts to help Palestine. Feeling powerless in the face of such injustice is horrible and scary and traumatizing and while there are certain things that I do not think make much difference (like boycotting irrelevant targets), that's NOT how I feel about the situation in general! We CAN make a difference and help the Palestinian people! It can feel impossible to fight against all that power and propaganda and military might- but it has been done successfully over and over, colonialism has been destroyed in one place after another a hundred times in the last century, apartheid regimes have fallen, occupations have ended, because over and over, always, even all the military might in the literal world is less powerful than a united front of the PEOPLE. As Ursula K LeGuin said, "We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did��the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings", and as Louis Tomlinson said "The power and magic comes from the people, you guys. Don't undermine your role in all of this" and "get off the 'gram and into the streets"!

Under the cut are things you can do that I believe actually directly impact the Palestinian people and the Israeli government, including some easy ones, and the key to a successful movement is to have every type of contribution, to have NUMBERS. However- it is also necessary to have people willing to do the actual work of fighting injustice, not just changing their consumer habits or yelling at people online. I strongly encourage people to explore becoming physically involved in activist work, and not to see it as yet another tiring obligation but rather as a way to help yourself feel less overwhelmed and exhausted. Feeling powerless and defenseless is a trauma that follows us into every corner of our lives, but standing up and working for change can not only save lives, but is good for your own mental health as well, I promise.

I can't make you an exhaustive list of resources, only tell you some tactics that I believe are actually useful. I'm not an expert or whatever, but I have been actively involved in social justice advocacy, activism, and direct action for over 20 years and am drawing on that history of both things that worked and were great and things that were not from my personal experiences. Thank you to @captainrayzizuniverse for helping me (but she didn't see the post any stupid things said by mistake are entirely on me), and especially for pointing out a big (typical white person) slip up, which was to almost forget the very first item on this list: Listen to, support, and amplify Palestinian voices!!! The whole starbucks issue wouldn't even exist if people just went by this single important guideline and did the things Palestinians were asking for rather than making up other things to do instead. In life altogether, and speaking as a disabled person god does this come up a lot: if you want to help someone, start by asking them what they need and then do that even if it isn't what you think they should want. Don't fucking wing it!! Join local groups organizing for Palestine: the people united are powerful, but only if they are united and working in large groups! Join a group! This is hard because... how? who? And I can't answer that for everyone but I can tell you that in the US JVP (Jewish Voice for Peace) is doing a huge amount of very accessible recruiting, you can just join (you don't need to be Jewish) and get involved straightaway in the great actions they're putting on. PYM (Palestinian Youth Movement) is not open to everyone to join but you should definitely follow them on SM to keep up on actions and maybe find ways to support. If you're a student I bet there is some kind of group at your school?

Go to protests: protest works, period. The general politician rule of thumb is that anyone who bothers to actually go out and march represents 10-100 voters. When they look at the numbers (like- '500-1000 people protested the most recent bill you signed') they do this math and they worry. But also honestly if it's something you can manage- it's good for you. It helps. Even if you just go alone and don't talk to anyone, being in a crowd of hundreds of people feeling the same things you are, caring as much as you do, it helps. If you can, yell along to the chants as loud as you can. Get fired up and use that energy to keep going and not despair!

Call and write officials: if you live in the US or UK this is HUGE. What I said above about how they count people at protests as standing for more people who didn't bother but agree? Same with phone calls for sure, it REALLY pressures them. Many orgs make this really easy- I get emails all the time with links to send a letter in a single click or click to call and all you have to do is read the script, get on some lists I guess? But many sites also have this feature, JVP does for example

Support BDS: the Palestinian led BDS have been doing the work of isolating and chipping away at Israel for 19 years and like I said, the actions of the masses only work if we are united behind a few strategic targets rather than all over the place; they have made this possible. It's good to avoid buying from the companies they target; even better to work on the big divestment campaigns. For example, student groups pressuring the big universities to divest from BDS targets echo the successful University divestment efforts that helped end apartheid in South Africa.

Send money: money helps, immediately and concretely, and again if we are many, each person doesn't have to do a lot. Do what you can spare, it all adds up. This has been painful with Gaza for sure, with millions donating but aid being blocked. I don't have The Answer but here's a group I found that actually seems to be getting aid in, and here's a spread sheet of gofundmes- note that people who have foreign passports do not have to pay the horrible border crossing fees, so you may wish to focus on funding those who don't have that privilege. this could maybe be better and there was some other stuff I wanted to say about doing activism to tie up the "activism as self care" thing from above and also bringing it back around to talk about Louis more but I'm tired and I'm hungry right now and this is a lot already. So. Bye lol sorry. send me asks if any of that is something you care about or want to hear

[f0point5]

I have a question and if it’s crossing parasocial boundaries, please call me out but I’m just curious. Why did no one report Jos when I keep seeing things that make it seem like it was an open secret that he was abusive towards Max when he was young? I am Indian so I understand that some cultures do just “stay in their lane and mind their own business” but I thought Dutch people were known to be quite blunt so I think it’s strange that no one called it out. Also the more I learn about formula one and Motorsport in general is that it’s a pretty small world so for people to know what’s going on and not doing anything, how do they live with themselves? I know that some people believe that once someone reaches a certain level of success that their trauma becomes a reason for that success but it’s just so gross to me how people talk about it all. And I’m not at all trying to police Max’s relationship with his dad bc I personally understand having a complicated relationship with a father but it just makes me sad that no one protects these kids.

I think Toto said in drive to survive that all drivers are “traumatized children” so everyone in power in Motorsport knows it’s awful for these kids and yet nothing is done to protect them. I know this wouldn’t solve everything but there needs to be something within Motorsport that protects these kids like an organization or some type of limit (I honestly don’t know) bc if everyone turned the other way for Jos, who else are they “protecting”

Well, we can’t ask the people 😂 it’s actually very talked about amongst Max fans though.

I’ve got several theories on this but just a general disclaimer I don’t know anyone involved in this so I’m just going off what I’ve read and seen in documentaries, what I know about certain cultures and subsets, and pure vibes.

Firstly, I do think people tend to mind their business. My experience of Europeans, especially 15-20 years ago…your kids and your family is your business. And people have different parameters for what they consider abuse. Emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse were nowhere near as defined or understood back then as they are, and even now what “line” will be crossed before each person steps in is very different. Edit - I also just realised, people remember all this stuff now but if you think about it, they probably didn’t see the same people at every single karting race every single weekend. So Max races in Italy one weekend and maybe something happens, but then you go home and forget about it for two months until you see him at a kart race again? Not everyone travelled to every race, from what I understand about how karting works. So really, I don’t think it was sticking in people’s minds so much as it would be if they were seeing this at pick up time every day at a school, for example.

Second, I don’t know how many of these accounts by random mechanics and people are accurate. People will say stuff like “Oh Jos took him in the back of the van and hit him” or “he kept his helmet on because he thought Jos would hit him”. Well firstly, I’ve also read a quote saying Max would keep his helmet on so people wouldn’t see him cry. And Max was like 10…did anyone ask him about any of this? No. The stories of physical abuse - to my recollection - aren’t coming from people who know the Verstappen’s intimately, more people who observed them and have made assumptions about what went on. The stuff about him shouting at Max and being hard on him has come from multiple sources and is admitted by Jos and Max so that we know is accurate but to my knowledge, Jos has said he only ever smacked Max on the back of the head once, and Max has never said Jos hit him. So I kind of think a lot of these inferences from track mechanics…I don’t want to say “not credible” but I do think because of Jos’s past there’s a tendency to sensationalise who he is. He’s obviously a guy who has anger management issues, so it’s definitely possible that he lost his head a few times and was physically abusive. Do I believe this ritualised physical punishment narrative people allude to? Personally I wouldn’t take that at face value. So I’m not sure how much there actually was to “report”? You can’t call child services because you saw an angry guy yell at his kid.

Third, I really don’t think anything Jos is known to have done in front of other people was out of the realm of the possible in that environment. Usual? Maybe not. But so extreme that people were scandalised? I honestly don’t think so. I think people pretend to be scandalised about it now because Max is famous. And I think people remember it because of who Jos is, and who Max has become, but I think there are a lot of parents who get like that about their kids’ sporting careers and it wasn’t the first time anyone had seen it play out like that. When you think about how much money and time these parents are pouring into it, how overly invested in their son’s careers they ALL are, you can easily extrapolate it to understanding that all that effort being ruined or taken for granted is going to make a parent blow a gasket. It’s not right but most of these parents are not raising these kids in the “right” way. I do think seeing a former f1 driver swearing at his karting wunderkid 10 year old is something people will remember more than random guy screaming at his son who came 12th. I don’t think either thing would have necessarily raised that much concern in an environment like karting. Because I’ve competed in various things as a kid and let me tell you not all the parents were kind to their children about the money and time they spent on it.

So yeah I think it’s a combination of these things.

I also think, and have previously said, that people approach the Max/Jos thing with a very narrow view of how relationship and child rearing works. Max may well have been able to achieve what he did with a different approach from Jos, but at the same time, without Jos, specifically him, Max doesn’t become an F1 driver at all never mind a champion. For all he did wrong, he poured his heart and soul into his son’s passion and there aren’t all that many parents who would do that. And i will die on the hill that Max wouldn’t have become the person he seems to be if Jos was the person people paint him to be. The amount of confidence and unflappable self belief Max has doesn’t come from nowhere, you don’t become that self assured if you are only ever torn down. What we know is 1% of their relationship and I think even from what we know it’s clear that Jos absolutely adores Max, beyond the fact that at least in karting, he chose to be his coach first.

But I do think karting, and really any “career” that kids need to start that early and is such a demand on a family, can’t be pursued in a way that isn’t going to leave a mark on a kid. I consider growing up in competitive sport to be a bit like being a child star, in the way that it has a high propensity to greatly affect your childhood and family dynamics. Because the dynamics it breeds are not “normal”, the people who do that to their kids are for the most part not “normal”. You’re not going to raise normal kids to fo extraordinary things. Now, is “normal” the only way to raise a happy adult? No. I think a lot of people forget that.

I don’t think it’s up to any governing body to mandate how parents parent, though. At a push they could have a code of conduct at tracks for sanctioned events that prohibits certain behaviour from parents. But it’s not up to anyone but the parents how they’re raising their kids (within the realms of legality).

[tia-amorosa]

Episode 30: Examination (Part 2, long)

Michael took another deep breath and then went through the door through which Peter had come out a few seconds ago. The Dr. greeted him with a friendly smile and introduced himself again. "I'm Dr. Nick Valentino, please have a seat. Or would you prefer to stand still?“/ ”Um, no, I'll sit down," Michael said with a somewhat forced smile. Then he closed the door and sat down.

Michael sat down on the armchair in front of the doctor's table. "Let's start off in a relaxed manner, shall we? Since we don't have a file from you here yet, let's go through everything together. “/ “What do you want to know?”/ “Well, name, age… origin maybe?”/ “Michael, 20… Sunset Valley”/ “mhm, ok….”.

Still a little hesitant, Michael then began to talk a little. “no… it's not o.k…. The town no longer exists…”/ “I… heard about it, yes.”/ “actually, I'm lucky I get to sit here, aren't I?” said Michael nervously, rubbing his hands over his thighs. “Sure… do you need a glass of water?”/ “No…hh”.

“I'm only asking because I can see that you have a few beads of sweat on your forehead and you're breathing a little hard”/ “wow…you always notice things quickly…”/ “I'm a doctor, I observe.”. Michael nodded and looked down briefly. “Well, while I'm here… I'm… I haven't been feeling well lately”/ “OK, can you be more specific?”

While Michael tried as best he could to explain his problems to the doctor, Peter sat with a cup of coffee on one of the chairs at the registration desk. Actually, only the staff are allowed to be in this area. But no one was there… “Tastes really shit”.

Well, what can you expect from a hot drink that's so thin you can already see the bottom? Peter knew that the conversation would take a little longer. But he also wondered whether Michael would be able to open up to the doctor. …

Michael told Dr. Valentino about his shortness of breath at night, which often woke him from his sleep. About the dreams that triggered it all. “Were you under psychological care after the events back then?” Michael looked at him and shook his head. "No, I refused it. Why do you ask?".

The doctor leaned back for a moment. “Well, the way you described it all to me, the bad dreams, the panic you feel… I'm no expert, but that sounds like post-traumatic stress disorder to me”. These were words that Michael always had in the back of his mind, but never really took seriously. his answer was correspondingly indifferent. “aha, o.k….”/ “You think a lot, don't you?”/ “Every day… And not a little,” he said honestly. “mhm.”

The room was silent for a moment. Then Michael took a quick breath. “So you think I need a psychologist to stop having nightmares, huh?”. Dr Valentino looked at him with a slight smile. "I know that sounds terrible at first, being told that you should see a psychologist. But it might help you to deal with your traumas better“/ ”hh, and my exhaustion, what about that?".

“You told me that these conditions usually occur after prolonged physical exertion, like sport, gardening… Right?”/ ‘mhm’/ "Well, I don't think it's psychological. But rather something medical. Is it okay if I check it out?“/ ”um, okay". That was the moment Michael had been dreading all along. That the doctor would say that something was wrong, but now there was no turning back. Michael has a sensitive core that was severely challenged at this moment.

Dr. Valentino fetched the stethoscope that was lying on the cupboard and then sat down in his chair directly in front of Michael. He looked at him a little uncertainly. “Do I have to… take off my shirt?”/ “hn, no, I'll hear enough”. Then he slowly moved the instrument over his chest and listened. “Mhm, the lungs sound good, well ventilated on both sides…”.

Then he paused a little longer at one point. Michael watched him, looked at his face and noticed that he furrowed his eyebrows slightly. “Is… everything okay?”/ "shh… hm, mhm. There's a noise that doesn't necessarily belong there“/ ”Is something wrong with my heart?“/ ”I want to get that checked out properly first. I'll tell you right away, don't panic"

The doctor put his stethoscope aside again and then looked into Michael's worried face. "As I said, don't panic, okay? The noise I could hear there is typical of a heart valve that is not completely intact. “/ ”oh man, please don't tell me I need a new heart?". The Dr. quickly shook his head with a smile. “No, no, it's not that bad”.

“But there's something wrong with my heart, you say”/ "as I said, this noise is typical of the fact that the heart valve is apparently no longer working properly, it's not closing properly. That's why not enough oxygen is being pumped into the right pathways. And that's why you get exhausted again quickly even after a little more effort".

Michael was almost a little overwhelmed by the situation. "So… what does that mean now? Do i need an operation?“/ ”If you want to live a while longer and don't want to collapse after the slightest activity, then yes. I'll refer you to one of the cardiologists in the main building and ask for an appointment there. Is that okay for you?".

"Another doctor again, oh boy. Can't you…“/ ”What, operate you? I'm not a cardiologist, hnhn“/ ”hh,,, sure. And what exactly do they do? Do they have to cut everything open?“/ ”Oh God, no, these days they even perform minimally invasive heart surgery. You just get a new heart valve, for them it's like changing a tire on a car"

“Tire change, hn, you say that so casually”/ "well, it's a routine thing for the heart specialists these days. I'm sure you'll feel better after the operation. But first you have to present yourself there. As I said, I'll make an appointment for you and please go there, okay?“/ ”My boyfriend was right, you're really good. Yes, okay".

------------------------------------------------------------

@greenplumbboblover , @solorisims , @honeywinesims 🏵

[beylinine]

Hetalia headcanons and 3am ramble about "personhood"?

Because I can‼️ I remembered i have free will. Can't wait for tsa to read through this.

First I just want to ramble about my take on the personification. I will die on the hill that at the end of the day, they are people, too. Just trying to get by, dealing with so many things yet having that 'human' urge to just cry and eat a comfort meal while watching reality TV.

In canon, when the country goes through something, the personification will usually get physically ill (see England post American independence) buuuut since we haven't seen that for anyone else, really, I like to believe that that physically illness has to do with the personal connections and emotions they have with each other. This kinda goes with my thought that issues regarding the absolute state of their nation affects the personification more mentally and emotionally. (Like imagine you're 12, your people are fighting as usual but it resolves and everything is alright for 100 years , you go out with the child young nation whimsy before getting smacked with responsibility and seeing your people in chaos for over a century. And then it's fine- no, back to fighting abroad. Ok but now- nope, more stress and humans yelling at you over something that isn't your own personal fault? And all of the others who you try to see as 'family' are also pissed at you by correlation and you've got facial hair now but change those pantaloons for some trousers because it's only about to get worse oh you miss those days of watching ships fighting from afar huh) I've studied 16th-18th century England (and Wales) way too much god. Arthur Kirkland my beloved loser

These people can spawn at any moment, at any 'age'. Toddler/infant states like England, tween Germany, 20s crisis Seborga (I'm assuming lol) But of course, the 'child versions' grow with the country (sometimes?) And this growth can happen over a few years or centuries despite the actual development of the nation itself.

Personifications learn not only about this world that they're suddenly a part of and their role in it, but they have to go out and seemingly learn for themselves (see Industrial Revolution) They slso have to learn about everyone else and themselves. Have to learn what it's like to be human although they'll never know it themselves (insert Davie episode here).

No amount of therapy can help because no amount of humans with phds could possibly understand. It's very much "eldest daughter of a poc immigrant mother" vibes of "no one understands". The personification have each other, of course. I like to think that those who are genuine friends gather to have long traumatic talks, but again, everyone is different and couldn't possibly understand everything that may ail the other. Journaling is important to them, where written or recorded, just to have at least one outlet that they can look back on (Prussia and Russia core).

Do yall think that there were humans that tried to take care of 'child versions' thinking they were orphan children or something? And the years passed but they stayed the same but the personification grew attached and would stick around with the human as their first 'family' (since they could have..."biological/geological" family but not know them yet (see Iceland and Norway). Like who takes care of them? The "boss"? (See later ramble) Do they need to eat or develop the need after seeing humans? Do they get their "humanness" from observing them?

Personification have the nation's political leader as their "boss", but they definitely don't always listen to them. There's consequences if they don't (see Russia in Industrial Rev and 19th century America I think?) But that just goes back to them being their own people aaaaa. But also they're immortal ig, what would humans even be able to do? Well, again, more mental and emotional damage (lol) than physical pain. I don't know what else to say sjsj

I truly wonder how the first interaction with a "boss" and personification would've gone like. Um,, violent, definitely, but like you try to drown the witch and she doesn't drown so she's a witch but ok what do you do now? Have her follow you around and do tasks for you? Like 😭

The having of personifications for Japanese prefectures implies British counties but like I'm sure it's the same elsewhere as it was in Japan as well, but what data does it go off from. Historic? Metropolitan? Ceremonial? I want Yorkshires on my desk by Monday. Also every country I can think of has between 10 and 80 counties/prefectures/states/provinces, etc.

Whenever I draw the characters I really do just Google "average height of (nationality) person" lol, most of the canon heights are accurate give or take a few measurements

I definitely do not go by the ages. I know it's their "physical appearance" as with the art style ofc but come on half of them are in their 30s and 40s bffr, this goes for Europe and Asia! Love my old people trauma country show

If I keep going I'll start rambling about Arthur Kirkland and the rest of great britain so adios 💀😭

[suavce]

who's your favorite oc and what's their lore?

(please rant to me I want to hear all about them :D)

o my goodness.... you don't even knoww the rabbit hole you've opened uppp... thank u dearly for this im about to be soo annoying . BUCKLE UPP

so basically i would categorize my 'favorite oc' as 2 different things- there's an oc that i emotionally love the most and hold very dear to my heart and that's Ronni (pictured below).

she's a college student majoring in fine arts. she goes on a trip with her friends to california, and something devastating happens and she is transported to an unfamiliar world along with her group of friends. as they all try to figure out a way back home, ronni struggles. she is used to being passive in her own life- she is quiet, and timid, and terrified of conflict, and she's been put into a world full of it. she struggles with inaction and fails to put herself first in important situations.. but her roommate and complete opposite, Lima (the shorter one in the 2nd artwork), drags her out of this shell and inspires her to do anything her little heart desires. and they're gay. THEY'RE GAY TOGETHER! AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES! SILLY MUTUAL PINING ROOMMATE LESBIANISM! RAHHH!

the second type of favorite oc i have is one whos story i am very proud of/one whos kind of my main focus when i work on this world, and that's Severni to me.. she is sad and tragic and writing/drawing her is very cathartic. (the face tats in the 2nd artwork are inaccurate so ignore them.. its a very old drawing LOL)

she comes from a very long line of matriarchal rulers. the country's religion is very ingrained in their society and it revolves all around the bloodline of the royalty- they're believed to have unearthly powers, and are sort of treated like a god. while the bloodline does have powers (that only the women can possess), the religion greatly exaggerates them. the powers are mostly feelings and instincts- nothing really physical.

(the girl who transported the ronni's group of friends i was previously talking about also had these same abilities, but that sort of world-hopping power is only activated involuntarily, in great moments of desperation. very cliche i know but i love it)

anyways. it would take a very long time to explain all of severni's lore and i'd have to explain like 6 other oc's lore along with it so i'll only brush the surface of it now, but basically.. the pressure to have a daughter when you're ruler is insane, since only women get the gift and it needs to get passed on. so severni's mother, milada, had two baby boys before she had severni who, because of their culture, she had to kill. then serverni is born, and then 6 years later, her younger sister petra comes. severni ends up dreading becoming a ruler, and milada, bitter and traumatized from her own childhood and having to kill two of her babies for severni to be born, becomes very abusive. severni learns to keep quiet.

when severni is 20, milada is caught by her old childhood best friend, mirko, as she beats severni. mirko loses it, and kills milada in front of her. severni, devastated and confused and young, calls the guards, and mirko is banished.

the mantle empty, severni's turn to rule. petra, her herself terrified of ruling and of her mother's death, runs away shortly after with her secret girlfriend on the guard. they're missing for two days before severni feels, through the gift she was given at birth, the moment her sister dies. she revokes the search parties. she lets go. she rules her country.

lol .. squeee ! anywayss.. twirls my hair. my ocs. i could talk forever. my ocs. thank u again for letting me splurt this all out i love talking about them and it's very nice for someone to want to hear it :3 <3 tell me if u have any questions because i will answer them at a speed you've never seen a human being possess before. also i have a messy, ugly little cheat sheet for polarni that i feel is appropriate to have here so take a look if you'd like :3