perche-sempre-me

[jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue]

Holiday - BTS OT7 CEO AU Bonus Chapter 14.5

Sorry for being MIA my loves, life for the moment has calmed slightly, who knows what it has in store tomorow. Just a note, I'm no longer doing taglists as theyre too hard to keep up with and I am trying to avoid stress. Sorry about that I hope this goofy chapter makes up for it <3

4.6K words of the italy trip with the troublesome trio. Warnings: Smut, jealousy, sex implied as a weapon (for revenge), edging, possesive behavior, orgasm denial, money (yes this is a warning it made me swoon)

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THURSDAY

Seven hours into the flight was when what you dreaded happened. The private jet had wifi, and a part of you thought you were going to be safe from the older CEOs if they couldn’t reach you with your mobile on airplane mode, but when it rings thousands of miles in the air, your heart drops. The maknaes eyes all dart to the ringing device in your hand, as you contemplate answering it, but before you can make a decision, it's snatched from your hold. 

“Good evening Hyung,” Taehyung answers smugly. You try reaching for it but he keeps it out of reach.

“Put it on speaker,” Jimin whispers, pressing his ear to the otherside of the phone while Jungkook holds you back from fighting them for it. 

You don’t know what’s said on the other line but Taehyung’s eyes pierce through you, an almost villainous look on his face. 

“We came to flower’s favourite place,” the smirk on his face is dangerous and you knew he wasn’t thinking clearly about the repercussions by taunting them. 

“Tae,” you say warningly, holding your hand out for the phone, not that you would fare better with talking to them. 

“We’d be waiting for you for a while Hyung,” he snickers cruelly, not a side of him you saw very often at all, but when there was a vendetta or score involved, it didn’t matter who it was up against, Taehyung would betray his own flesh and blood for revenge. 

Okay, maybe that was a little far-fetched even in your own mind, but you remember the company sports day, the first and last, where your seemingly innocent boyfriend betrayed Jimin, his closest bestest friend/soulmate, to win, and no one saw it coming. There was a major fall out before everyone started betraying each other in the subsequent races and Namjoon decided that never again would the company have another competing event. The moral of the story? Never underestimate Kim Taehyung. 

“We’ve decided to go on an impromptu holiday for the weekend.”

The grin on his face at whatever is said on the other line is nothing short of evil. He was going to get you killed with this, now you understood why the idiom was about being thrown under the bus, this felt like a damn car crash and you hadn’t even arrived at your destination. Maybe when you landed you could just fly back and apologise. 

“Have a good weekend Hyung.”

He ends the call and passes you back your phone as if he hadn’t just declared world war three! Jungkook finally lets you go and stretches in the aisle, laughing with the other two while you bite your bottom lip nervously. They wouldn’t blame you if you said the maknaes had kidnapped you, would they?

Your phone rings in your hand again, this time with Yoongi’s caller ID, you quickly answer it before they notice, not even able to say hello before an angry voice greets you. 

“Y/n where the fuck have they taken you?” Yoongi growls through the line.

“We’ve… I’ve,” you swallow down your nerves, “Italy…?”

You say it like a question that answers everything, but you really didn’t know how else to respond. 

​​"Kitten, you just agreed to these brats? You didn't think to tell us first?"

“Yoongi,” you whine, “please don’t be mad, it’s just… they just-”

Your phone flies out of your hand, you were too focused on the call to notice the troublesome trio caught on. 

“What-” you gasp, not realising straight away what had happened. “Jungkook! That’s my phone, give it back!”

But he doesn’t, even as you fight him for it. Instead he looks at you like he’s berating you for ruining their masterplans, holding it way above your head as you jump for it, trying to pull his arm down.

“I think we should hold onto this for a little while, bunny,” he says sternly, “you obviously can’t be trusted.”

“Jeon Jungkook give me back my phone,” you scowl.

“Nope,” his lips pop.

“Angel, the whole point in this revenge plot is to deny the Hyungs access to you, we can’t have you calling them, it defeats the point,” Jimin lectures you as if you were dense which only makes you scowl more.

“Oh they’ll have access,” Taehyung smirks, the evil glint in his eyes still present and unsatiated. “But only when we want them to.”

FRIDAY

Arriving at the apartment yesterday (if you could call it that it was more like a villa), quelled your worry over the others, it was too beautiful to think of anything else. When Taehyung told you they bought it, it took a while for your jaw to come off the ground. How they had done it in such a short amount of time you would never know, but the happy way they showed you around, holding you, soft kisses as you smiled, made you completely forget about the purpose of this visit, until of course they woke you up before the sunrise with needy kisses. 

“It’s too early,” you whine incoherently, but somehow they understood you.

“Blame Mr mastermind,” Jimin yawns, although the way Jungkook’s undressing you has his bottom half stirring the rest of him awake. 

“It has to be now if we want our gift to arrive on time,” Taehyung chuckles deeply, something akin to what you imagine a classic maniacal tv villain to sound like. 

“Oh yes,” you scoff, “I forgot I’m just a means for revenge.” You always got caught in the middle of their rivalry, you just didn’t expect it to sting so much this time around, like you were being used. You try to go back to sleep, having had enough of this ridiculous childish behaviour, but Taehyung pulls you up by your arm until you're sitting upright in front of him. 

“Our love for you flower,” he mumbles, pushing your hair out of your face, searching your face earnestly, reading your insecurities like a book, “and our punishment for the hyungs are two very separate matters…”

Something ice cool touches your neck, making you shiver violently in your sleepy state. 

Jungkook’s arms wrap around you from behind, trying to keep your nearly naked form warm, while Taehyung’s fingers on your nape clasp what you realise now is a choker. 

“This holiday is just one stone to deal with them both,” his fingers tilt up your chin so he can show Jimin the sparkle of a hundred diamonds adorning your neck.��

“Perfect,” the eldest of the trio hums in approval before mumbling, “as they say, revenge is best served cold.” 

He smirks, eyes darting down your body as Jungkook starts kissing your neck, both the chill of the piece and the warmth of your skin touching his lips. 

“The recording…” It’s hard to concentrate on Taehyung’s words when the maknae’s fingers dance around your waist, his arms holding you tighter against him. He’s already hard and it’s all your body wants to focus on, but Tae distracts you when you notice the phone in his hand.

“...is for them,” there’s glint of mischief in his eyes, a devilish smirk, “this,” his fingers trace the line of priceless jewels embellishing his beautiful flower, “is for us.” 

—

You can see why they say revenge is an act of passion as your fingertips grip the bed sheets for dear life, open mouth moaning into the mattress beneath you. Your body’s splayed out for his pleasure, his thrusts unrelenting.

“I can see why Namjoon Hyung favours this position,” Jungkook moans out, palm on your back holding you down. “Fuck Baby girl your squeezing me so tight.”

There’s a sadistic chuckle from his lips as he watches his dick slide in and out. He pushes back in deeper, harder, pressing his chest to your back, the angle hitting new spots that made you want to scream. 

“You’re wetting my dick so well,” he murmurs into your ear seductively, just for you to hear, covering you with his whole body, wanting to feel you everywhere. He can feel you breathing hard with the way he smothers you, 

Your hand clamps over your mouth, earning a displeased grunt from Jungkook before he bites down on your shoulder in warning.

“Kitten don’t cover your mouth,” Jimin taunts, forcing your hand away with his grip tight around your wrist, watching you bite your lips so hard they might bleed. “Let the Hyungs hear you.” 

“She really does look like a kitten with that choker,” Taehyung’s signature deep lilt rumbles, his voice full of amusement. His thumb pulls your bottom lip until it's released from your teeth, little gasps escaping as you try to keep quiet knowing they were recording you. Even if the thought turned you on so much you were extra sensitive to their touch, you wanted them to hear you, wanted to moan their names too but that would be too cruel wouldn’t it? And Taehyung wouldn’t be too pleased with that either. 

“Come on beautiful girl let them hear you,” Jungkook orders gutturally, leaning back before his palm spanks your ass hard before returning to your hip, the slap heard sharp through the air followed by your delicious whines. His grip is bruising as he picks up the pace, wanting to elicit more out of you. The harder he fucks you the more his Hyung’s will hear, the thought makes his dumb fucked out grin wider. 

“Don’t call her you know what,” Jimin laughs, the punishment of this was enough for Hobi he was sure, but he couldn’t feel entirely sorry for him when he was one of the perpetrators that locked him out. “Hoseok Hyungs scary when he’s pissed.” 

“He didn’t call her a good girl so he’s exempt,” Taehyung mumbles, almost losing himself to the show you and Jungkook were performing, his heel pressing against his aching length so hard he bites back a groan. Jimin was faring no better, hands in his pants, eyes drunk on how Junkook played with you like his own fuckdoll, you could do nothing but lie there and take it.

“Ah Kookie right there,” you almost scream, the head of Jungkook’s cock was stroking your G-spot making your toes curl, your mouth hanging open, saliva dripping down your lips. “O-oh fuck!” 

Your clit was begging to be touched to push you over, but your limbs were too busy keeping you somewhat steady so you didn’t go crashing into the headboard or falling off the bed. You doubt Jungkook would stop even if you did.

“Baby girl if you want to cum…” Taehyung says with a sinister smug smirk, as if he could hear your thoughts, “... call Jungkook daddy.” 

You whimper in protest, shaking your head vehemently, not wanting to. It was a step too far, you eyed the device in front of you recording away, as if Namjoon was right there listening now. You wouldn’t do that to him, even if your being was screaming at you to do as Tae said just to taste a fucking orgasm. 

“Tsk, bad flower,” Taehyung grumbles, looking annoyed that you wouldn’t behave for his masterplan. “Hyung deserves to be punished.”

He smooths the hair away from your face, leaning down close to you as Jungkook eased his pounding a smidge, edging both of you. It was so close.

“Be a good girl hmmm,” Tae grunts in your ear, trying to be persuasive, using that name against you, “call Jungkook daddy.”

You shake your head again in refusal at his command, you wouldn’t. The hand in your hair slides down your neck, a finger hooking on the back of your choker, tugging hard, a warning to behave. The pressure on your neck made you go dizzy, the rim of gems almost cutting, eyes rolling back as you let out a guttural moan. You meet his now dark gaze, a shiver down your spine has you seconds away cumming, but it seemed the punishment to the older CEOs now extended to you.

“Jungkook,” Taehyung sighs in disappointment and the cock that was pounding into you now disappears with a groan. You feel your walls pulsate against nothing, the emptiness almost painful, but all Taehyung does is kiss your tears as they slip down, letting go of you so your head hits the mattress again, and stopping the recording as he throws the phone aside. He could always edit the audio anyway.

You feel a wetness on your back, the sounds of the maknae fisting his cock until his load shoots all over you. 

“Should we send a picture with the recording?” He smirks looking down at you knowing how much his favourite hyungs would appreciate such a beautiful view. Jungkook turns you on your back, peering down at you with love in his eyes but a smile so devilish. “What do you think bunny?”

You don’t even know what he’s on about, words unable to enter your ears with the way they were pounding, your clit throbbing with the need to be touched, your pussy weeping. 

“Wanna cum,” you whine, thighs rubbing together searching for some sort of friction. 

“Aww Angel wants to cum?” Jimin coos as you squirm before he snickers, glancing at Taehyung’s stone face knowing you weren't going to get there for a while regardless of how much you’d beg and plead. There was a reason Taehyung’s previous partners would call him a tiger in bed, the man could flip a switch in a second, his duality constantly pulling and pushing his partners to and from the edge. Right now, the oldest maknae could see the displeasure of your disobedience in his eyes, the air around him turning dangerous. It was going to be a long day. 

—

“I’m surprised you can stand,” Jimin’s teasing voice pulls you out of your reverie. How long were you staring at this painting for? You lost yourself to it. 

“No thanks to you,” you mutter, eyes still on the soft brushstrokes on the canvas in front of you. At least they let you sleep before your sight seeing, the Europeans had it right, naps in the afternoon should be the law.  

“You’ve been staring at this one for an hour,” Jimin exaggerates with a pout, trying to figure out what was holding your attention. “And Taehyung’s been staring at you.”

At this you turn around to find indeed your devious mastermind boyfriend staring a hole into your back, normally you’d feel his eyes on you but not today. He didn’t like that, he just kept his gaze on you intensely, trying to telepathically get you to notice him but it didn’t work. 

“Who could blame him?” Jimin smirks suggestively, “all these famous paintings and they don’t hold a candle to my angel.”

You roll your eyes, walking away from him and the disgusting amount of cheese he was spewing, trying to locate the last of the troublesome trio. You find Jungkook also enjoying the actual art in the gallery, you were honestly surprised Tae wasn’t with him, this was typically his scene.

“Kookie, do you like this one?” you ask him, taking his hand in yours as you walked past a statue he spent a few more seconds on than the others. 

“Mmmm,” he hums absentmindedly, “the detail’s amazing.”

He sighs in wonder, round eyes admiring the next one in line.

“I need to know how they made it.”

“You want to make one too?” you jest, smiling at him endearingly as he continued to stare. 

“I want to make one of you,” he confesses so easily, making your organs somersault. You try not to let your jaw drop.

“You’re ridiculous,” you breathe, laughing as you pull him away from the exhibit. 

You head back towards the paintings, only to find Taehyung staring intently at your favourite one as if he was ready to start a war with it. Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise you if he did considering his current regime for vengeance. You frown when someone in a business suit greets him with a handshake, wondering how the two knew each other. The conversation, whatever it was about, looks deep, and your curiosity wants you to eavesdrop. 

“Angel lets go to the gift shop,” Jimin grabs your other hand, steering you away before you walk over to Taehyung. 

“Who’s Tae talking to?” You ask, trying to catch a glimpse of the pair as Jimin pulls you and Jungkook in tow.

“Just business,” he replies, not really answering the question at all.

—

Taehyung’s heart is in his throat when they deliver it. It’s the evening, he was hoping you wouldn't be back until after the delivery, but you were so worried about his despondency, especially when he left the three of you and came back to the apartment alone. You had to force Jimin and Jungkook to end the dinner plans early, opting for take out instead. They had to listen to you when you threatened to find Taehyung without them.

“What… what is this?” You gasp, jaw on the floor as they uncover it. No fucking way, nope, no, he didn’t…… for fuck sake he did, you stare incredulously at him, knowing exactly who was behind the purchase. “Kim Taehyung you did not.”

He swears he could see the steam leave your ears and flared nostrils. Even the men from the gallery glanced at you both in worry, contemplating waiting to see if you were going to murder him before they made their leave.

“Flower-”

“Return it.” There was no room for argument in your tone, but argue with you he would. 

“Flower,” he says again patiently, “I wanted it for you.”

Jimin and Jungkook were hiding in the other room praying for Taehyung’s survival, while simultaneously hiding from you. They warned Taehyung about the consequences, you had already made explicit rules about stuff like this, and you never took it well when they broke them. 

“Taehyung, I don't even want to think about how much it cost, or it's going to make me sick,” you say, actually feeling nauseous and slightly dizzy. This was overwhelming, he was overwhelming. 

He sighs before approaching you, fingers stroking your sides to try and calm you, but your arms are crossed in front of you like a barricade. 

“The cost doesn’t matter,” he says, pressing a finger to your lips before you can fight with him, his forehead leaning on yours, eyes beseeching you. “I want to spoil you, why won’t you let me?”

You exhale exasperated. 

“It’s too much,” your jaw ticks, he wasn’t going to win this one. “It’s ridiculously too much!”

“Says who?” he asks you, smiling softly despite your anger. He caresses your face with both hands, holding you so delicately as if you were the million-billion euro-pound-won painting. You couldn’t think of the cost, you just couldn't, you would implode.  

“Tae-”

“I love you, I wanted to buy it for you,” a gentle kiss to your nose has your defences shaking, doubled with the gentle lilt in his voice. “My perfect flower deserves the world, why can’t I buy her a part of it, hmmm?”

“You just can’t,” but your own voice starts to match his in volume, and he has to stop himself from grinning in premature victory. 

“But I want to,” the softest kiss to your lips before he pulls away. “You deserve more, why won’t you let us spoil you?”

“Tae,” you sigh, eyes starting to water, it was too much, your heart was so full you could feel it in your chest. You couldn’t accept this, he bought you the painting you were staring at for fuck sake, it was beyond ridiculous, he shouldn’t have.

“I am grateful for the sentiment, but you have to return it,” you say as he shakes his head in refusal, “please.”

“No,” he replies simply, you weren’t going to win this one. “I know you love it, and I want you to have it, that’s it.”

You sniffle, tears starting to drop which he wipes away.

“But it's too much,” you wail, making him want to laugh at how precious you look.

“You said that already,” he pulls you into his embrace, your arms uncrossing to wrap around him. 

“B-but youdun e-even k-now why I like it-” he can barely understand with you gasping for breath between words as you sobbed.

He should feel bad for making you cry but you were so adorable he couldn’t help laughing a little. He kisses the side of your head, smiling as you mumble against him, trying to fight but you already lost. 

SATURDAY 

“Why did you bring your laptop on holiday!” Jimin groans as he walks into the bedroom to find you sitting crossed legged on the bed, furiously typing away.

“I just have one more thing to finish…” you mumble without glancing at him.

“Bunny you seriously have issues,” Jungkook mutters, Jimin turning in surprise to see him on the armchair, chin in his hand, elbow on the arm rest, staring at you as if you were some weird enigma.

“We brought you to your favourite place on Earth,” Jimin exclaims dramatically, trying to close the laptop but you take it away from his reach. “And you’re working?”

“Two seconds, just two more.”

Jimin sighs, fingers raking through his hair as he stands with his hands on his hips ready to berate you before he realises someone was missing.

“Where’s Taehyung?”

The maknae shrugs, but this question makes you look up from the screen like a meerkat.

“Huh?” You look at the end of the bed, as if you’re expecting him to be there. “He was just there…”

You shrug to yourself, sure he was somewhere having fun, turning back to the laptop with intent while Jimin looks at you incredulously. Fine he’ll give you your two seconds but he isn’t happy about it. He starts pacing in front of you, arms crossed and huffing, but it does nothing to deter your work or gain him any attention.  

It’s when his legs start aching that he’s decided you’ve had long enough. 

“Angel put it away before I throw it out the window,” he warned, but you completely ignore him as if he didn’t say a word. Is this how flies felt when they buzzed incessantly around the room screaming for attention… did he really compare himself to a fly… he couldn’t help making the comparison, you were the one to make him feel so insignificant and he flew you to Italy for pete's sake. He marches towards you, not really wanting to resort to violence but you weren’t budging.  “Fine, have it your way.”

“You guys took my phone, don’t touch my laptop,” you warn when he takes another step closer.

“You were gonna call them!”

“And you’ve had your fun and gotten your revenge, let me just finish this.”

“You said two seconds, IT'S BEEN TWO HOURS,” he yells, exasperated.

“It’s been twenty minutes,” you scoff as if that was any better.

“Are they working you too hard?” Jungkook interrupts asking you bluntly, having watched your session since near the start, he thinks he's deciphered the reason behind it.

You hesitate, swallowing around nothing. Why did that question make you nervous?

“Nothing I’m not used to,” you reply, it’s not like working with them was any easier.

“So yes they are,” Jimin confirms. “Yesterday you were enjoying this impromptu holiday, today you look like you’re going to fight us if we try and take you outside.”

“We will take you outside eventually, bunny,” Jungkook adds, “kicking and screaming if we have to.”

“What changed angel?” Jimin narrows his eyes.

You try and avoid their gazes, confession on the tip of your tongue at their interrogation but their judgement holds you back, 

“Spill angel,” Jimin stands with his arms crossed, voice firm.

You groan, falling head first into the duvet as if you could bury your response there forever. 

“It’s stupid,” you mumble against the fabric. 

“What did she say?” 

“Fuck knows,” Jungkook frowns.

You sigh, picking yourself up in defeat. 

“I had a nightmare last night,” you mutter, making things no clearer for the two as they look at each other in question. “About work…”

There’s a beat of silence as your confession sinks in.

“Taehyung's right…” Jimin says as if he’s come to an epiphany, “you really are a good girl.”

You feel your cheeks burn, trying not to let your jaw fall slack as the oldest maknae grins, laughing at you softly. 

“It’s not funny,” you say to the pair as the youngest also decides to cackle too. “They found out I skipped work and then started yelling at me and it scared the shit out of me okay.”

But your words only make them laugh harder, Jimin characteristically falling to the floor as he holds his stomach. You roll your eyes, trust them to understand.

“I’m gonna go find Tae,” you mumble, slamming your laptop shut and exiting the room while they try and fail to control themselves.

“Wait, we're coming with you,” Jimin calls after you, still laughing loudly, the corners of his mouth almost touching his ears. 

Maybe they were right, maybe you did need to enjoy yourself while you could, who knew what work had in store for you when you went back. There was nothing you could do about that, but there was something you could do now. 

You find your target looking at the painting he bought from the gallery yesterday, the one you still couldn’t believe was hanging on the wall of your holiday home. If Taehyung didn’t have the money to buy it you’re sure he would’ve stolen it for you instead. For some reason you could picture him being an art thief in another life. 

He was staring so intently, it was as if the roles had reversed from yesterday, his eyes darting around each pigment on the canvas trying to decipher it. The way you had paid it attention almost made him jealous, so of course he had to buy it for you, at least to try and figure out why you loved it at first sight. 

“Hey tiger,” you greet him gleefully, and he’s more than happy to look at you instead. He grins when you wink at him flirtily like Jin does to you from time to time, but you do it more dramatically, eyebrows dancing as you approach him. 

“Tiger?” he chuckles, that one was new from you, but he didn’t mind it even if it was tainted from lovers past. 

You grab his arm with both hands, tugging him gently towards you, a silent plea to follow you, and he would, absolutely anywhere if you asked. The other two aren’t far behind, but your focus is solely on him, and he can’t help but burst with pride, his chest inflating like a superhero film cliche. You looked at him with far more love than that stupid painting, he didn’t feel as much envy towards it as before.

“I wanna take you somewhere special,” you whisper to him, eyes imploring up at him, how could he ever refuse. “It’s my favourite cafe, but don’t tell the others, shh.”

You playfully press your finger to your lips, as if sharing a secret with him. He bites his bottom lip hard to stop from laughing out loud but his boxy grin is stretched wide across his face. 

“What about us?” Jimin whines as you purposefully ignore him, Jungkook’s jaw ticking with jealousy when you pull Taehyung with you. 

“You laughed at me, I’m not taking you anywhere,” you reply childishly, sticking your tongue out at him with your nose in the air as they continue to bicker with you.

This really was your favourite place on Earth.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

[bad268]

can you write about Arvid x y/m both liking each other and everyone wants them to get together but both of them are too clueless to realise they both like each other. Atvid ends up confessing to y/n and it's juts all adorable?

love ur stories!!

+ I saw something about arvid? so I thought id give you an idea.

Y/n could be Dino's sibling, and they are the same age as Arvid, and he's just lovestruck by them and how gorgeous they are. and Dino finds out and also finds out Y/n also like Arvid, so he makes a plan to get them together, the plan ends up working but they pretend it didn't work, till dino walks in on them hugging/kissing. and it's just alot of fluff and funny.

Something New (Arvid Lindblad X Beganovic! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/F2/F3

Requested: Clearly (thank you love <3 I changed it a bit, but not a lot) (P.S. reader drives for Van Amersfoort)

Warnings: Aged up Arvid (Arvid and Dino are F2 Prema teammates) (Also 1) i watch Smii7y and friends so be aware of that 2) this is how I play Mario Kart with my friends)

POV: Second POV (You/your)

W.C. 1467

Summary: It takes a plan to get together.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~ (^Pinterest)

You had never put any thoughts into anything other than racing. You decided from a young age that getting to Formula 1 was the only goal, and that’s been your mantra for as long as you can remember. You wanted to race with your brother, Dino, and the only way to do that was to dedicate your entire life to it. 

You worked your way through the ranks and kept to yourself the entire time. Not like anyone wanted to be your friend. You were so much harder on yourself compared to other drivers your age, and no one wanted to subject themselves to that.

When you got to Formula 2, you decided to let up a little. You had made it to, what you consider, the straight shot to Formula 1. You felt free for once. You were able to hang out with your teammates, participate in challenges, and just be normal for once.

Your teammate, Enzo, was great. He was fun to hang out with, and he helped you get acclimated to the new field. Enzo knew almost everyone since this was his fourth season. He introduced you to Luke, Jak, Gabriele, Sebastian, and Dino. Granted, you already knew Dino, but it was fun to meet him in his element since you were always on the back foot compared to him. By association, you met their teammates, and that’s how you found yourself in this predicament.

You were currently locked in a closet with none other than Arvid Lindblad. Let’s go back to the beginning.

You started hanging out with a bunch of different drivers. You started training with some of them, going out with them, and you even started hanging out with them outside of racing. You texted a few of them a lot and played games during the off weeks. 

One person you always hung out with was Arvid. 

“Wanna play Mario Kart?” Was probably the most common text between you two. You two were known to join a call and totally dominate random lobbies. 

One time, Dino and Sebastian joined your lobby, and they witnessed the random banter that you always played with. 

“I’m coming,” You joked as your character came up behind Arvid’s. Dino and Sebastion were off fighting while you and Arvid were battling for first place. 

“Keep that up,” Arvid joked back as he threw a bomb back. “I’ve got more where that came from.

“Give it to me then,” You chuckled as you threw a redshell at his character. “I’ll take anything from you.”

“You sound a little too excited about that,” He kept the banter going, knowing it was just banter. Despite the fact that he wished it was more, he would settle for being your best friend for now. 

“Suck it, Arvid!” You shouted as a blue shell hit him and your character passed him right before the finish line. “You are choking!”

“On what? On What?” Arvid shouted back with a loud laugh.

“What the fuck?” Sebastian laughed as he realized what you were saying. “Ain’t no way you two are just friends after saying some shit like that!”

“There’s no way that’s just banter,” Dino laughed nervously as he crossed in fifth and Sebastian crossed in sixth. 

“You just wished your banter was as goofy as ours,” You laughed as your characters were taken back to the menu for another race.

That was the day Dino and Sebastian devised a plan to get you two together. They were convinced you both harbored feelings for each other and you two were just too shy to say anything.

Dino started by talking about it with Arvid. It started with brief conversations about how he started hanging out with you, and what his favorite games to play with you were. Eventually, it turned to what his favorite things about you were and how he felt about you, and soon, he caught on.

“I see what you’re doing, Dino,” He laughed as they walked through the paddock on their way to a drivers’ conference. “And it’s not going to work.”

“You have so little faith in me!” Dino said, acting offended, “I’m just trying to understand your relationship or lack thereof.”

“I take what I can get,” Arvid attempted to joke as they walked past your garage, but it fell flat. When they got past your garage, Arvid turned to Dino, “If you know anyone who wants to be a wingman, I’m taking applications.”

“You say that like Sebastian and I don’t already have a plan,” Dino laughed as he put a hand on Arvid’s shoulder. “Say the word, and we go forth with Mission get Arvid and Y/n together.”

“Come up with a better name for this and you’re hired.”

The next week, Project Whisper (name pending), was moved into action. 

You had been seeing Sebastian, Dino, and Arvid talking off to the side a lot, and every time you tried to join them, they suddenly dispersed. You tried to listen in on their hushed conversations, but it was like they were speaking in code (they were).

You started backing off from them. If they were speaking in code every time you were near, maybe that meant they didn’t want to be friends anymore. After not having many friends to begin with, you never knew how to act in these situations, so you were doing what you thought was best.

The mission was failing!

Arvid was always texting Dino, saying they needed to ramp up the timeline of the plan. He noticed you started pulling back immediately, and he hated it.

“Dino!” Arvid ran up to him after the last race of the season. Dino had crashed out of the race, but you and Arvid shared a podium with Luke. Dino was hiding out in the PREMA trailer, watching the race but fell asleep after he saw the podium finishers. He jolted awake when Arvid frantically ran into the room. “What do I do?”

He’s talking about how you disappeared as soon as the podium celebration was done and the pictures were taken. You were gone, and Arvid couldn’t find you anywhere. This wasn’t supposed to be how this went!

“We’re gonna have to improvise,” Dino said to himself as he texted Sebastian to get the new details figured out. 

They knew you were touring the PREMA facility next week since they were rumored to sign you for their F2 team, so they were planning to use that to their advantage. Dino knew that facility like the back of his hand. He’s sure he could find somewhere to lock you and Arvid.

He did. And that’s where you are now. Locked in a supply closet nearly chest to chest with Arvid. It was awkward as you looked anywhere but him. Arvid was trying to think about how to start the conversation, but his instincts kicked in when he noticed your breathing quicken.

“Hey hey, what’s going on?” He asked as he wrapped his arms around you, trying to help you.

“I don’t like confined spaces,” you whispered as you leaned into him, grounding yourself. “And before you say it, a closet is different to a cockpit. I am busy trying not to crash in a cockpit. I’m just aware of the space in a closet.”

“Well then I can get us out sooner,” he started. “I didn’t know you were claustrophobic, else I wouldn’t have gone with this plan.”

“What plan?” You asked as you looked up at him in the limited light.

“Mission Whisper,” he responded with a grimace. It was a cringy name. “It was the plan to get us together.” There was a beat of silence between you two before you started uncontrollably laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re telling me this code thing you’ve been talking about with Sebastian and Dino was an attempt to get us together? That was the reason I started avoiding you guys because you only talked in code around me so I thought you didn’t like me,” you word vomited through laughter. 

“You’re kidding,” Arvid gasped as he laughed at the misunderstanding with you. “I just didn’t know how to tell you, so they came up with this plan.”

“Tell me,” you said in a soft tone as you grabbed his hands.

“Tell you what?” He asked confused as he squeezed your hands. 

“Tell me how you feel,” You pressed. 

“You’re just teasing me right now.”

“Maybe,” You dragged out as you averted your eyes. “Maybe I just wanna hear what you actually think of me.”

Arvid, instead of talking, let go of one of your hands to rest it beside your head against the door behind you, and he leaned down to press his lips against yours. That was the start of something new.

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

https://www.tumblr.com/therhythmafterthesummer/723756900577099776/i-dont-know-if-you-have-a-anon-or-not-but-id

Thinking about this….. if you done this…. would you share 🥹🥹 pretty please ���🥹

Always ready to read your any of works 🥹🥹

Hope you’re having a good day or have a good day

i gotchu, bb.

thanks for sending this ask. hope y'all enjoy !

Pairing: Werewolf!Chan x Human!F.Reader (one of the main pairings of my WereRoomies series. you don’t really need to read any other instalment to understand/enjoy this piece). | Word Count: ~2k | Themes & Warnings: fantasy/supernatural AU · smut · roommates to ??? | this piece takes place before these two got together · allusion to the reader being chubby · self-pleasure (both parties are getting off, but not engaging with each other) · voyeurism · improper use of supernatural abilities · Chris’ inner wolf won’t shut up · mentions and hints of: fingering, knotting, breeding, etc · Guilty & Moping Christopher · self-loathing

minors do not interact.

Chris would’ve never thought he’d be this weak. He was usually very good at ignoring this attraction he felt. A couple of months of you living here with him had practically trained him for it. However, a handful of nights a week, it was almost impossible to ignore.

He shouldn’t have been surprised, really. It was only natural that someone your age would indulge in one of the most primal needs an animal could have, and, of course, like a proper human, you had tools to deal with all that. 

The first time it happened, he almost dropped dead right then and there. It took him a moment to notice back then. He was so sleepy he thought he might’ve been hearing things, but, after a few moments of that faint buzzing sound resonating through the walls, the first quiet moan gave it all away.

It was almost embarrassing how quickly he started to get hard the moment he realised you were a few steps away, getting off. Chris had covered his face and ears with his pillow in a desperate attempt to not hear. Having enhanced hearing didn’t make it okay to eavesdrop, especially not during such intimate circumstances.

That night, he had to stop his hands from moving multiple times. He refused to get off to the sound of your quiet whines, to the buzz of the toy… He refused to even start imagining the scene you’d be painting in your room. He tried to distract himself, watching cute videos on his phone, or putting his headset on to try and muffle the sounds travelling through your shared home.

He’d succeeded for the most part, but after you were… finished, he heard you going through the motions of leaving your room, going to the bathroom, and then back to your room… He needed to drink something, his mouth was dry and his senses were on edge, plus, a cold shower was more than needed, considering his traitorous cock just wouldn’t go soft.

He had to wait almost twenty minutes to leave his room, just in case you were still awake. Honestly, the moment he stepped out of his room and went into the bathroom, he was almost winded by the smell of your scent in the hall. It wasn’t your fault, it probably just lingered there from when you had walked through here earlier, but, God, it wasn’t helping his problem one bit…

Regardless, Chris had been able to keep himself in check that night. No boundaries were broken, and that was enough to ease his mind.

However, even if he’d succeeded, he wasn’t really prepared to deal with this on the regular.

Every night he heard the buzz, it was a night spent in agony. Sometimes he’d just stay in his room, headphones plugged in, playing a game on max volume. On other nights, it’d be so incredibly difficult to hold himself back from doing something he’d regret, so he’d just leave the flat altogether.

He’d go to Changbin’s, or Minho’s, or Jisung’s, or anyone’s, as long as he got to be away from you and your goddamn scent and the alluring sounds coming out of your room.

He should’ve known that this couldn’t last. Chris was bound to break, and the tortuous workday he’d had today, coupled with just how incredibly exhausted he was, seemed to have lowered his inhibitions enough for his hand to mindlessly find its way to his crotch as soon as he heard that godforsaken buzz.

“Oh, shit…” Chris mumbled under his breath, leaning his head back against the headboard of his bed.

What was he doing?

Well, he knew what he was doing, but why was he doing it?

Using his supernatural hearing for this was beyond creepy, immoral, you definitely didn’t deserve it. But, God, how could he not do it when you sounded just so… pretty?

He couldn’t think straight, not when sparks of pleasure were running up and down his spine with each stroke of his hand, not when he tightened his grip just right. If you were to have your hands on him, would you hold him like this? He’d be more than delighted to show you what he liked. He just knew that you’d be able to perfectly mimic the pressure that made him dizzy, that you’d work him up diligently, that your hands would feel a hundred times better than his did.

Chris could hear the faint buzz in the distance, the quiet whines and sighs, the muffled moans… He could picture it all in detail. You, sprawled on your bed–that bed he himself had laid on many, many times before… platonically–legs spread, a hand on your breast and the other holding a toy between your legs. 

What toy were you using? Was it a dildo? A bullet? One of those trendy suction ones? He selfishly hoped it wasn’t a dildo. A dildo wouldn’t be enough for a girl like you, he was sure. His fingers would be much more suitable. He’d prep you so well, stuff you with as many of his digits as he could, touch you however you liked to be touched, using the bullet or the suction toy on your sensitive clit…

But he wasn’t there right now. You were on your own, playing with yourself and your toy. His mind really couldn’t decide on which one it would be, the mental image he had kept shifting between devices. The only thing that was a constant was the look on your face, all blissed-out, with your eyes closed and your mouth slightly agape.

Would you be teasing your nipples? Rolling them between your fingers? Pinching them? If you weren’t, he’d gladly do it for you. God, the soft flesh would just feel incredible in his hold, he just knew. The sight would surely be heavenly.

Lick, suck, fuck, perfect tits just for me…

After spitting in his hand, Chris brought it back to his aching cock, smearing the saliva all over himself before he tightened his grip and pumped. Oh, how he wished it was you. Your hands, your mouth, your cunt, or even your thighs… He’d take anything you were willing to give him, he just knew you’d look so, so gorgeous while you choked on him, while you took him in any and every single one of your holes…

His spit and the pre-cum spilling from his tip helped lubricate him, each stroke produced an obscene squelching sound that just joined the quiet sounds you were making in your room. The buzzing increased, your whines became more frequent, and Chris just sped up the motions of his hand in response.

What if he just barged out of his room and went straight to yours? Would you let him take you? There was a small, very idiotic part of him that believed you would. You’d open your legs further, let him settle his body between them, and plunge himself right in while he kissed you. You’d be so warm around his cock, tight while you adjusted to his size, he was simply salivating at the thought.

Perfect, perfect cunt that’ll take her alpha’s cock like it was made to… mine, for me, for my cock, for my knot… to be stuffed to the very brim with my pups…

Chris’ chest was vibrating slightly with his contained growls, the thought of kissing you, fucking you, claiming you, and scenting you in one of the most obscene ways possible had his instincts on edge. His inner wolf wanted you, of course he did. He was just another part of Chris, who was already absolutely crazy about you. Every single part of him knew just how well you’d take anything he gave you, how well you’d do for him.

His logical mind wouldn’t let him leave his bed, though. He’d risk too much by acting purely on his wolf’s instincts. Instead, he just sped his strokes, matching the rapid pace you seemed to have set for yourself. Was your toy at top speed? Or was there still more? He wanted to find out. He wanted to be the one to use it on you, to have you moan his name in his ear and squirm under him.

Just the mere thought of you saying his name got him so, so close. There was nothing more that he wanted right now than to have his pretty roommate crumbling in bliss, he just knew he could make you feel so incredibly good if you just gave him a chance.

Pleasure mate, satisfy mate, scent, mark as mine, mine, mine, mine, mine….

All of a sudden, the quietest of moans left your mouth, and you started gasping for air. He could practically smell your scent, floral, fresh, aroused, satisfied…

Oh, he was so doomed…

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…” Chris mindlessly swore under his breath, speeding the movement of his hand, thrusting into his grip as the telltale signs of his orgasm clouded his senses.

Biting down hard on his bottom lip, he let his climax wash over him. His cum was warm, thick, and creamy since he hadn’t unloaded for days now. He had to make a conscious effort not to growl like the fucking horny dog he was while he got the expanse of his torso drenched in his release. It felt like he was coming for an eternity, and, by the time he had milked himself dry, all noise coming from your room had stopped completely.

Chris heaved a sigh, and his ears started ringing. This was just what he needed after such a long, strenuous day at work. He felt his frustrations quickly evaporate, replaced with the rush of endorphins only a good wank could release into his system. He laid there, panting, his head lolled to the side as the bliss of his orgasm relaxed his muscles, and for a moment, he felt like he was floating, even sleepy.

He was deep in bliss, light, satisfied…

But then, dread started to seep in.

“Oh, God, what’ve you done, you fucking idiot?” Chris reached for his discarded shorts on the floor and used them to clean up the mess he made. When was the last time he came this hard? There was so much cum…

What a waste…

“Shut the fuck up, dude”, he shook his head, like that would eliminate the thought.

How was he going to look you in the eyes tomorrow? You were his roommate. His female, very much human roommate that had trusted him enough to move in with him, and this was how he acted? By secretly listening in to you pleasuring yourself in the privacy of your own room? You had no idea what he was, that he was capable of doing this at all, so of course you would go ahead and make all the noise you wanted within those four walls. It was your right, but he had to go ahead and be disgusting about it. How could he do this?

His skeleton almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the door to your room open, only to hear the bathroom door closing a few seconds after.

Would you be just washing your hands? Or would you be washing your toys as well…?

Chris shook his head again. He had a serious problem…

With a sigh, he plopped on his bed, and decided to wait until you were done so he could go to the bathroom himself and clean up properly.

Squish, knead, hold tight… Must cuddle mate, make sure mate’s satisfied, happy…

He flicked himself on the forehead, right in the middle. He was capable of keeping his instincts in check, goddamn it. Why was his subconscious slipping like this?

As he laid there, staring at the ceiling, with the phantom of your scent lingering around him, he figured it was time to accept that he was incredibly attracted to you. Physically. Enough for him to become a desperate mess and lose his composure just at the thought of you masturbating a few metres away from him.

He knew, of course. He knew since the very first moment he saw you. But this was odd for him. Chris typically didn’t feel attracted to people in this way just out of nowhere. The fact that he’d known you for a couple of months already seemed to have made everything so much worse. You were nice, funny, kind, and, quite possibly, the most beautiful person he’d ever seen… He, very clearly, had a crush on you. What was he going to do about that?

When you finally retreated to your room, he didn’t dare leave his bed. The last thing he wanted was for you to start worrying about whether he’d heard you or not.

He heard you, alright, but you didn’t need to know that.

After twenty or so minutes, he finally made his way to the bathroom, and your scent still lingering in the room almost made his eyes roll to the back of his head.

Flowers… Fresh flowers… Mate’s scent…

While he cleaned himself up, Chris tried his best to ignore whatever instincts were running rampant deep inside him. His inner wolf was a horny idiot that was making him do stupid things whenever you were concerned. But, by association, that meant that he was a horny idiot who had just had a mindblowing orgasm thinking about his roommate. Thinking about you.

When he finally tucked himself back into bed, he couldn’t help but feel like he was the absolute worst person on earth. You didn’t deserve this, for the disgusting, horny werewolf you didn’t even know was a werewolf to be disrespecting you like this. He needed to do better.

But, God, why did you have to be so pretty? And so… his type? He was sure he didn’t have a type before he met you, but the more he had to be around you, the more he realised you were certainly his type.

Soft mate, squishy mate…

Sighing, Chris laid on his side and reached for one of the spare pillows on his bed. His senses were immediately flooded with your scent. That was when he remembered you’d laid your head here earlier today. No wonder he could smell your scent so vividly. 

Your smile had been so big when you’d started talking to him about your day… The memory had his heart skipping a beat, and his stomach sank. 

Hugging the pillow tight to his chest, he curled himself into a ball under the covers.

Kind mate, perfect mate…

Once again, Chris ignored whatever fuckery his instincts were trying to tell him. He reminded himself that you were his roommate, essentially a friend at this point, and as such, he was supposed to protect you and make you feel safe. It didn’t matter how pretty your moans were, how he wanted to get drowned in your scent… None of that justified what he’d just done. He couldn’t break your trust like this ever again.

Chris certainly needed to do better. So he swore he’d never ever do this again.

He just won’t do this again…

…Right?

© therhythmafterthesummer 2023. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate my stories.

Author's Note: aaahh, this was so much fun to write. ngl, i'm kinda tempted to write a drabble with this scenario again, but after our dearest, prettiest pack mum has already found out about Chris' condition... special thanks to @notastraykid for providing her valuable insight, opinions, and ideas💜

tagging everyone that wants to be tagged in my wereroomies instalments. if you don’t want to be tagged in little ask responses like these let me know ! If you want to be added to the tag list, you can fill in this form. be aware that you must have an indication that you’re an adult in your blog if you want me to tag you in my works

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[preciadosbass]

14/8/24 [4x DIYS + a drawing <already posted> today!! key & significant photos at end. technically a journal from yesterday as it was posted on a later schedule.]

woke up at 9 and opened instagram to find out about danielle’s [vic fuentes’s wife] second pregnancy. im so happy for the both of themm!! [that explains vic’s freaky comments on danielle’s posts…] i stayed scrolling on insta and doing those story template/prompt things up until 9:50 when i finally went out to properly say good morning to boris. id already mouthed it to him through the front door after waking up, but i can’t go without actually sitting with him. i had breakfast as the heat is making me faint and he kept on jumping up on my knees to try and eat it. he did at one point lick the bottom of my toast [i got it on video yipee] and the way he tucks his paws and places them on my leg to get to it is so cute.

my mum said i should take off that bit of toast so i did, and stayed outside with him until 10:15 because apparently my sister has people [keyworkers [[?]] come over aswell and two people turned up on the driveway. once i was back inside my room, i wrote the entry to this journal and listened to linkin park’s ‘meteora’ [their best album in my opinion] i thought that i wouldn’t be able to leave my room in ages due to the people round, but my dad came in and told me that they’d left to shop/bake/cook with my sister. which is good for her, and ideal for me because i can get on with my diy windcharm inspired decoration/bottlecap charm.

i waited for my dad to get his tools and he started drilling the holes through the bottlecaps at around 10:40. after he was done, i brought the shells i collected from the beach inside, and my dad started going through the different ways he could drill through them as i couldn’t decide. i decided on one and made my bottlecap charms while he drilled. i finished one out of two of the charms when i realised the elastic was drooping and it looked weird so my dad drilled through the tops of the caps to make things easier. obviously you can see where it was originally drilled but i still think the results are cute. [photos at end]

i went outside to get sticks for my ‘windcharm’ thing, and put ‘jaime’ on my favourite bottlecap charm, which isn’t revolutionary for anyone else apart from me. it is at the moment because i don’t have my name on anything i own, and i finally put it somewhere!! the best part is, i can just say it’s because i love jaime preciado, as my family already know about my interest in him. they’ll never know whahahaha

i don’t actually know why i made the charms, they don’t serve much purpose other than hanging somewhere in my room and being something to look at. but i like randomly making ‘useless’ stuff — it gives me something to do. hopefully i can put up some more hooks and actually put them on display, maybe use the jaime one as a keychain if i do ever come out. i finished re-doing them, took pictures of them, and then said a quick hello to boris before starting to make my windcharm thing at 12:40.

i felt conscious over everyone in the house watching me make it, so i took the shells with me went into my room. i measured out all the elastic and started making it at 1. i threaded all the shells and a few odd tiny beads onto the frame. i originally meant to make one the bits that hang down to have silver beads on, but they didn’t fit through the elastic, so i resorted to bigger cream coloured beads. i finished it at 1:40 and stood on my stool to work out where i wanted it hung. i organised a place for it to go and hot glued my favourite shell onto the centre of the stick frame. my dad put a hook in my ceiling and hung it at 2:20. it dosent really look anything close to a windcharm, but at least it’s another thing in my room to glance at. [picture at end]

i listened to my atticus cd while making it, and i love it — my favourite track so far [im not sure how long i listened to it] was american nightmare by am/pm. it’s one of the only cds i have where all of the tracks/most of the tracks; [i cant remember] are all recorded by different artists. afterwards i went outside with boris until 3. my mum and dad were on the other side of the garden gate, being shown my sister’s nunchucking. upon getting inside, i started putting up some more photos at the side of my desk [3:20] i also stuck my jaime charm up there aswell. as for the other target looking one, i’m going to leave it hanging on my mini bass. [pictured at end]

i feel like i haven’t put up anything in decades even though i did not too long ago when i stuck pikachu on the side of my shelf, but still. while doing this, i listened to my main playlist [WIP] [link at end]. once i was done, i got out a few scrap parts of old jeans that id cut up and drew on them with a paint pen. i cant actually make any patches because i’ve lost my fabric paint, but i thought i might aswell make the ‘template.’ i made a my chemical romance once, along with ones of fall out boy, ‘all cats r beautiful’, the pierce the veil symbol, the frank iero logo, a killjoys patch, and a party poison patch. kobra kid is my fav out of the killjoys, but there’s no way on earth i’m drawing a kobra on denim or whatever the fabric im using is. i’m bad at drawing as it is. [will post photos of the finished product if i remember]

after putting all my supplies away, i posted for the first time on the mcr community i joined [which was scary wtf everyone’s so good at art there]. it was a picture of my diy black parade mcr trinket box. afterwards i wrote a decent amount of this and added a few full albums to my main playlist along with changing the playlist image. i also added three more can tabs to my tab bracelet as i found two out of nowhere this morning, and my sister brought one back from her outing. i listened to some more music and made drafts up until 5:40 when i started collecting black + white/dark blue pics of jaime and chi so i can redesign my homescreen and app icons. i finished after an hour and im super happy with the result. hopefully my favourite colour dosent change again because actually going through every app and changing the icon is boring asf. [photos at end]

i drew a killjoy oc from 7 to literally 12.. it took so long because it was my first time every drawing digitally and i made up their design on the spot. i wasn’t planning on finishing them so i had a break at 9, also. i’m okay with how it came out considering what i just mentioned. i love their ray gun design and i’m obviously yet to give them lore/a proper gang etc. i continued adding text to the drawing and posted a picture of them at 12:30. [the post under this]. at 12:50 i started looking at other peoples killjoy oc’s as i haven’t really done that before. i continued doing that while collecting band/musician gifs along the way until 1:50. i had already been in my parents room for 15-20 minutes but i did my questions about boris around the time just listed.

i did them quite quickly, went downstairs, did my teeth, and started saying goodnight to boris at 2:30. i told him/showed him the things i’ve made today and finished speaking to him at 3:20. i fed him before going into my room and wrapping up this journal. i posted this before going to sleep, but i’ll say i went to sleep at 3:35 and update the actual time in tomorrow’s journal.

🗝️ — boris/my cat, questions about boris/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he’s okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i’m hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.

have a good day/night O_o

[pensat-i-fet]

Wrong player, right time: Part 1 (Pablo Gavi, Pedri x Reader)

Part 2

**Hi! 😊 So...I was asked to write some sort of love triangle and while I liked the idea, I thought I could do something a bit different. Hopefully you like it. And because this ended up being so long, it’s divided in two. The next part will be posted tomorrow so not a lot of waiting 😉 Enjoy!! ❤️**

Word count: 5177

Masterlist

Wattpad

“I got a present for you”.

Your mum’s words made you look up. “Why?”

“For passing your exam. And it kind of is related to that”.

You frowned slightly, smiling at the same time. Last year, you decided to retake a few classes to get a higher grade and study the major you really wanted to study in university. It had been a crazy decision to many but you were sure of it and it paid off. You got the grade you needed and were accepted at the university in Barcelona.

“Ok, tell me!”

“You are going to Barcelona this weekend. I want you to be able to know the city better and to see the area where you’ll be living”.

“Mum! Oh my God!”

Getting up, you ran to hug your mum.

“And…I might have gotten a ticket for the football match too”.

“Stop! You’re the best! Thank you!”

“You’ve worked hard and deserve it. Once you start the uni year, there won’t be time for much fun”.

There was no time to waste. It was Wednesday and your flight was on Friday, so you needed to pack everything and start planning. You had been to Barcelona before but never for too long, so this was a great opportunity to familiarize yourself with the beautiful city.

The weather was supposed to be good, so you packed a lot of cute summery outfits. The sun didn’t bless you with its presence as often in your home city of Santander, so it was also something else you could enjoy during the weekend.

You barely got any sleep the night before your trip and after checking you had your boarding pass and your ID about seventy times, you made your way to the small airport.

The flight was quick and soon you found yourself on your way to the hotel you would stay at the next couple of days. You pretty much threw the suitcase on the floor and went out again to see the city.

And that was how you spent the Friday and Saturday in Barcelona, trying to see as much as you could and visiting the student residence where you were going to live once you moved there.

Sunday was going to be your last full day there but it was also the most exciting. Finally, you were going to visit the Camp Nou. Actually, you visited it as a kid but couldn’t remember being there. But now it was time to fully enjoy the experience.

The atmosphere was incredible. You usually went to watch matches when Racing de Santander played at home but your main team was Barça. And, funnily enough, a former Racing player was now playing for Barça. You had met him a few times but doubted he would remember you. Players met so many people every day.

“First time?”

“Pardon?”, you asked, turning to look at the man on the seat next to yours.

“You look like it’s your first time here. And like a kid in a toy store”.

“Yes”, you laughed. “I’ve been wanting to watch a match here my entire life”.

“Well, let’s hope it’s a good one”.

While it wasn’t the match of the century, it was quite entertaining. Barça went 2-0 up early and got to play a bit more relaxed after a couple of not-so-great results.

The second half meant a few players you didn’t get to see up close before were now playing near the area where you were sitting. One of those players was the famous Gavi. You couldn’t lie and pretend you weren’t one of those girls who thought he was really cute. But the one you liked the most, Pedri, was injured. So it was a bummer you didn’t get to see him play. Oh well, Gavi was a good substitute.

“Gavi! Look at all the space those defenders are leaving near the box. Use it!”

You didn’t even realise you were yelling. You never did. And it’s not as if the rest of the fans were quiet but Gavi was very close to your seat and heard your words.

“Ok, coach!”, he said, looking at you and smiling at your surprised face.

“I…”.

“You’re blushing”, laughed the man that had introduced himself as José. You had been chatting a bit during the match.

“I feel so silly. I never realise they can hear me. I’m too used to screaming at the tv”.

That only made him laugh more.

A couple of minutes later, the ball fell on Gavi’s feet again and the defenders left the same space you had warned him about before. And he took the chance to run to the box and give a pass to Lewandowski that gave Barça their third goal.

Everyone got up to cheer and when you finally sat down, you saw Gavi walking towards you, a big smile on his face.

“Thanks for the heads up!”

“Eh…you’re welcome?”

José’s laugh could probably be heard back at your parent’s house. God, you were so embarrassed.

The match ended with a 3-0 win for Barça and you couldn’t be happier with that result. It was the perfect ending to your weekend. But…there was more that was going to happen before you went back home.

“Someone wants to talk to you”, said José.

“Who?”

You looked at where he was pointing and saw Gavi walking towards you while taking his shirt off. He gestured for you to get closer so he could give you the shirt and you walked almost not believing what was happening.

“For me?”

“Yes. We wouldn’t have scored that third goal without your advice. I’ll tell Xavi that if he needs some help, I know the right person”.

You giggled, blushing. “I’m free for the next match if he needs me”.

“I would love to see you on the bench. You wouldn’t be as far from me then”.

Not knowing what to say, you extended your arm to get the shirt. And once you had it, Gavi left to join his teammates.

“He was flirting with you”, said Jóse, making you blush even more.

You put the shirt on your face, trying to hide. But it was too late. The cameras had seen it all.

                                   **

Gavi expected you to post something about getting his shirt on Instagram, so he kept checking the photos he was tagged in on social media…but nothing. You were nowhere to be found.

He was used to hearing things yelled at him at the matches. Often insults and usually it was men who did it. So when he heard your voice, it caught his attention a bit more. And what you said actually made sense. He had noticed what you pointed out and was thinking about telling his teammates to try and take advantage of that defensive weakness from the other team. But it was hearing you say it that made him do it before he even told the others. He wanted to impress you.

What he didn’t want was for the entire country to know about the interaction but he should have known better. All eyes were on him at matches and, of course, the cameras had picked up everything that happened.

“El día después”, a football programme that had been created before he was even born was very famous for their section “Lo que el ojo no ve” (What the eye doesn’t see). They usually caught funny moments of the matches and put them together in a video. People loved that. And this time, they found the best clips for it at the Barça match. They filmed all of your interactions with him and subtitled them.

Gavi was rewatching the video in the training ground with some of his teammates, and they all teased him when the guy who was next to you told you that Gavi had been flirting with you and you blushed and hid your face. He hadn’t seen that when it happened and it made him smile knowing you seemed to like him too. But still, no post on social media.

“She’s gorgeous”, said Pedri.

“I know”.

Gavi couldn’t stop smirking and daydreaming about you showing up at the next match.

“What are you all doing?”, asked the other Pablo, Torre, when he got to the dressing room.

“Watching a video of Gavi’s girlfriend”, said Ferrán.

“You have one? I didn’t know”.

“She’s not my girlfriend, Pablo. Don’t listen to them. But come watch the video”.

Gavi played the video again and when the camera showed you, Torre asked him to pause.

“I know her”.

“You do?”, Gavi couldn’t believe that. He might be able to find you after all.

“She’s from Santander, like me. I saw her at all the Racing matches”.

“Do you know her name?”

“No, but….”, he took his phone out and went on Instagram, “I took a lot of photos with her and she tagged me on Instagram when she posted them, so we should be able to find her”.

“I love you, Pablito”, said Gavi, kissing his teammate’s head.

“Save the kisses for her, bro”.

It took longer than they expected but there it was, a post you made on Torre’s final match for Racing. Gavi took a screenshot of it so he could send you a message later. But if you were from Santander…well, that complicated things a bit but it didn’t make anything impossible.

He spent some time looking at your posts and then had to go to training. There was time to keep stalking later. But when he finally got home and went to check your profile, it was private. That was odd.

                                  **

The last thing you expected after your trip to Barcelona was for a video of you to go viral. When you were sent the youtube clip, you couldn’t believe it. And the comments…they made you want to never check your social media again.

But then you noticed a lot of notifications on your Instagram. How on earth had Gavi’s fans found your profile? It was too much. So you privated your profile and removed all the new followers you got. You were just a normal girl and didn’t want to be involved in any drama.

Your mum found out what had happened and invited you to go out with her to stop overthinking. You turned the wifi and data off and forgot about all of it.

But then you got home and the wifi connected to your phone and one of the notifications caught your eye immediately. Why was Gavi sending you DM’s on Instagram?

[Pablogavi]: Hi! Sorry about all the drama that the video has caused. You ok?

How did he find your Instagram? But it was really nice to see he actually cared.

[You]: Hi! I’m alright, don’t worry. Thanks for asking.

[Pablogavi]: Let me know if you need me to say something on social media or whatever.

[You]: I will, thanks.

[You]: How did you find my Instagram?

[Pablogavi]: Torre recognised you on the video and helped me find you.

[Pablogavi]: Does it sound stalkerish? 😶

[You]: A bit 😂

[You]: But I’m glad you contacted me.

How had your life become so surreal so quickly? All because of a silly comment you couldn’t help but scream.

[Pablogavi]: Feel free to be the one who contacts me if you ever come back to Barcelona.

[You]: I’m moving there soon. For uni.

[Pablogavi]: Best news you could give me 😀

“Who are you talking to?”

Your mum’s voice startled you and made you almost drop the phone. “Nobody”.

“Right. Why were you blushing and smiling then?”

“Just watching some funny videos”.

You didn’t normally keep secrets from your parents but what were they going to think if, after what they saw on that video, you told them Gavi was flirting with you on Instagram?

So you didn’t tell them but kept on speaking with him. And you kept thinking about going to Barcelona before you had to move there…so you could see him. You had seen some comments online about how you had made your account private right before he started to follow you and that worried you. As exciting as talking to a cute football player was, you didn’t want people harassing you because of it. And now it seemed like so many people had already decided you were his girlfriend.

“Will it be ok for me to go to Barcelona this weekend?”, you asked in the middle of dinner three weeks after your previous trip.

“What for?”, asked your dad. “Do you need to do any uni stuff there? I thought you could do it all online”.

“Yes, it’s not uni related. I just wanted to go again and…meet some friends and stuff”.

“You have friends in Barcelona? Since when?”

Your mum was suspicious and for a reason. The way your face got all red while you were lying to them didn’t help.

“Honey, we might not use social media but we aren’t dumb. And when people talk about your daughter, you listen. Is it Gavi that’s invited you to go see him?”

“Yes, but it’s not what you think”, you rushed to say.

“We weren’t born yesterday. Of course it is what we think it is. But…you aren’t a kid anymore. We can’t forbid you from going and you’ll move there soon anyway. But please be careful”.

“I always am”.

“We know”, said your mum, holding your hand. “You are smart and we trust you. Do we trust a football player’s intentions?”

“We don’t”, answered your dad.

“Keep trusting me, then”.

                                    **

“Someone’s happy…and in a hurry”, said Pedri, sitting down next to an already dressed Gavi. “I’ve never seen you get ready so fast”.

“I’ve got plans”, smiled his friend.

“I can guess which type of plans”.

“My Santander girl is coming to Barcelona again”.

“I still think she’s too pretty for you”.

“Don’t be jealous, Pepi. She’s an only child but we might find a pretty cousin for you or something”.

“Is she staying with you?”

“No, she’s staying at a hotel but we have a couple of dates planned. And she might change her mind about where she stays after that”.

“Or she might run back to Santander after talking to you for more than 10 minutes”.

Gavi laughed and left the training centre to go find you. The taxi was waiting for him already.

Once at the train station, he tried not to be recognized but it was always a lost battle. It was while taking some photos with a kid that he saw you.

“Sorry guys, I have to go”.

You were looking around and smiled when you finally saw him.

“Hi”, you said, hugging him. “So good to finally see you in person”.

“Yeah, same. Should I take you to the hotel so you can leave your suitcase? Then we can go grab some food”.

“Sounds good”.

You did just that and soon found yourself walking around Barcelona, on your way to a restaurant that was great, according to Gavi. Well, at least you were learning about where to eat for when you moved there.

The food was great. The rest of the date…it wasn’t his fault. Or yours. But there was no spark. The excitement you had felt while you texted was gone. And he was feeling the same way. Well, that was disappointing.

Gavi had planned on trying to ask you to go to his place after dinner but what was the point? He wouldn’t be surprised if you actually ran away home like Pedri had said.

And when you got to the hotel, you buried your head in the pillow, feeling so stupid about how wrong it all went.

                                  **

“Someone isn’t looking so happy today”.

“Stop”, said Gavi, putting his hands on his face.

“What happened?”

“The date was a disaster, Pedri. A disaster!”

“What did you do?”

“Why does it have to be me?”

“You’re more likely to mess up”, he shrugged.

“It’s just…there was no connection. And it’s not as if she isn’t an interesting person”.

"Or gorgeous”.

“Yeah, that too. But we just felt so uncomfortable in each other’s company. It was so weird”.

“Are you seeing her today? Maybe things change”.

“Well, I have to see her. She is here because of me, I can’t just leave her alone. But…could you maybe come with us?”

“I don’t want to third wheel”.

“It wouldn’t be that. Just, I don’t know, maybe having someone else there helps”.

Pedri didn’t want to tell his friend but the only reason why he accepted was a very selfish one. He wanted to meet you. Every time Gavi mentioned you or showed the boys a photo of you, he cursed his back luck. Maybe if he hadn’t been injured, it would have been him who talked to you at the match.

You were waiting for your “date” to arrive, checking your phone nervously. Maybe the second date would be better than the first. There was some hope.

But then you saw he wasn’t alone and that confirmed he had a terrible time with you too. You tried to see who it was he was with and then realised it was Pedri. The player you actually had a crush on.

“Hi. Do you mind if Pedri comes with us today?”

“No, not all. Hi!”

You tried not to be too obvious but could tell Gavi was looking at you funny. And when Pedri smiled at you, you just knew you were blushing.

“Nice to finally meet you”.

“Nice to meet you too”.

Soon, it was Gavi that felt like he was third wheeling but he didn’t really mind. It wasn’t as if his friend was trying to steal a girl he had a chance with from him. It was clear you two were not meant for each other, but maybe Pedri could be a bit luckier.

“Sometimes I feel like I just signed for Barça because of the beach. I wouldn’t be able to live in Madrid or somewhere without a beach”.

“Same”, you laughed. “I can’t wait to visit all the beaches here. It’s going to make me feel less homesick”.

“Pedri can show you his favourite one”, said Gavi, making you both look at him. Had you forgotten he was there? Kinda.

“That’d be nice”, you said.

“The one near his house is really pretty. Why don’t you go today? The weather is great”.

Pedri looked at his friend, a bit confused. But when he saw the way he raised his eyebrows, he got it.

You quickly finished your dinner and made your way to Pedri’s house, where he parked his car so you could then walk to the beach.

“Sorry about today”.

“What are you apologizing for?”

“Well, Gavi sent you to babysit me and you probably had other plans. It’s just…I guess he could tell it wasn’t working between us or whatever. You didn’t have to look after me. It’s fine”.

“I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do”.

You looked down, biting your lip. And feeling all the butterflies you expected to feel with Gavi but that never showed up.

The silence that accompanied you while you walked on the beach wasn’t a bad one. It was nice.

“I like to sit there and just look around. It sounds a bit boring, I know”.

“We could do that”, you said quickly, not finding the idea boring at all.

“Come, I’ll let you sit on the comfiest stone”.

That made you laugh.

“It’s a shame you and Gavi didn’t work. He was very excited about seeing you”.

“Yeah. I guess it happens”.

“You could still be friends when you move here, though. He’s a good guy, he’ll be happy to help you with whatever you need”.

“Can I ask for your help too?”

“Of course”.

Sitting there with him was making you feel a bit more bold. Having a crush on someone you didn’t know personally could lead to disappointment when you got to spend some time with that person. But with Pedri…it was the complete opposite.

“You know. I had a crush on a Barça player but it wasn’t Gavi”.

Pedri looked at you after that comment, frowning.

“Torre?”

“What? No, why would you…”.

“Well, he’s the one who recognized you. And he mentioned you asked him for photos a lot. I just guessed”.

“Do you want to guess again?”

“Can I get a little hint? Blonde or brunette? Spaniard or from another country?”

“I’ll give you the best hint. No way you don’t guess right after that”.

He turned to look at you when you didn’t continue talking and you leaned to kiss him. You could tell he was surprised at first, but he responded to the kiss quickly.

“Can you guess now?”

“I might need another one of those hints…”.

You laughed, moving to kiss him again. Yeah, he didn’t disappoint.

"Does this count as stealing my friend's girl?"

"I don't think so".

"Good".

                                  **

Your final day in Barcelona was spent with Pedri and it was perfect. You kept making promises to each other but you weren’t stupid. The summer holidays were coming and you wouldn’t be with him. So you decided to not try and date until you moved to Barcelona in August. Mostly to save yourself the heartbreak if you opened Instagram one day to see him with another girl while on holiday.

Your parents didn’t buy that nothing had happened with Gavi when they saw the way you looked when you got back home. And after some pestering, you told them what really happened.

The holidays were pretty uneventful for you. And by the time they were almost over, you just spent your days packing your things and getting ready for the big move.

[Pedri ❤️]: will you be in Santander next week?

What an odd message. You had been texting non-stop but you didn’t expect that question now.

[You]: yes, why?

[Pedri ❤️]: I’m coming to see you 😉

He what?

[You]: you don’t have to. We’ll see each other in Barcelona soon.

[Pedri ❤️]: I want to see you. Is that ok?

[You]: of course. I just didn’t expect you to come to see me here.

[Pedri ❤️]: I’ve been dying to see you since the day you left.

And you had been dying to see him since that very same day too. So you planned his little trip, still not believing this was happening.

“Hey!”, you waved at him at the airport, feeling overwhelmed by his presence.

“Don’t go all shy on me now, mi amor”, he said, hugging you and not caring about the looks you were getting from people. “Missed me?”

“Maybe a little”.

“Liar”.

More people started to look at you, recognising Pedri. So you took him to your car to drive him to his hotel.

"My parents want to meet you", you blurted out, afraid of scaring him.

"Ok".

"You're ok with it? I mean, we aren't even dating officially but…you know, they just want to take the opportunity of having you here to talk".

"Yes, it makes sense. And you keep saying we are not dating but that's not how I see it".

You looked at him quickly before looking at the road again. "How do you see it?"

"To me, we started dating the day we met. We are just waiting until we live in the same city to see each other often and I guess do more couple stuff".

"So should I introduce you to my parents as my boyfriend?"

"It'll probably be nicer for them to hear that than calling me the guy you hooked up with once because you actually didn't like my friend".

The laugh that came out of you scared you and you gripped the steering wheel tighter while trying not to laugh more.

But on that first day, you didn't see your parents. You spent the whole day with your boyfriend and if that was an indication of how life was going to be in Barcelona, you couldn't move there fast enough.

Pedri charmed your parents too when he met them and you could tell they were a bit less worried about letting their daughter hang out with a football player.

"I'll see you in…10 days", you told Pedri when you took him to the airport. He started preseason the next day.

"10 loooong days. I might not survive".

"You'll be fine", you hugged him tightly, not ready to let go. "I'm the one who will struggle".

"We facetime every day, ok? I need to see your pretty face".

You nodded, kissing him before walking to the security area with him.

"See you soon".

                                  **

Your dad was helping you take the last box from the car to your room when you heard screaming in the hallway. Was this going to be a daily occurrence?

"It's Pedri! And Gavi!"

"Oh no…".

You got out of the room and saw your boyfriend walking towards your room. He had promised to help with the moving but ended up having to stay longer for training. But there he was, and Gavi was there too, making every girl in the building go insane.

"What are you doing here?"

Your dad told them to get inside the room and closed the door, so people wouldn't see you.

"No kiss?", he asked and then looked at your dad. "Sorry?"

But your dad just shook his head and Pedri gave you a quick kiss and hugged you.

"Did you bring Gavi here to see if I had changed my mind about who I liked?"

"So funny".

"I was brought here for my muscles", said Gavi, flexing said muscles.

"You are here because I have to drive you around and I didn't want to waste more time going all the way to your house".

"I can help anyway".

When everything was in place, you decided to leave. Your dad wanted to take you to dinner before leaving. And now both Pedri and Gavi were invited to that dinner.

On the way out, you tried to keep your distance from your boyfriend, not wanting to create rumours on your first day there. But the problem was that it was Gavi who walked by your side and that didn't create a rumour. It only made the one that already existed bigger.

Some of the girls took photos of you two walking together and laughing and posted them on Instagram.

"Ok then. You can't visit me if this is what's going to happen".

"You ok?"

You nodded, not feeling sure about being ok. You were dating one person while everyone seemed to think you were dating his best friend. It was…weird.

And it wasn't the last time something like that happened. You started to go to every Barça match at home, wearing your Barça shirt but not showing the back. So, of course, everyone assumed you were wearing Gavi's.

It got to the point where you didn't want to post about the matches. Your account was private but someone was clearly posting your photos with other accounts and you didn't know who it could be. So no posting was the solution. Every time you posted with Pedri, it was stories for your close friends. And those were never leaked, thankfully.

                                  **

"What happened?", you asked one of the girls that lived with you when you got there and saw all the people on your floor.

"A pipe burst and we have no water. And the water messed something up and half of us have no electricity".

"Huh…we can't stay here, then".

"Where are we supposed to go?", she asked. "Not all of us can go to our rich boyfriend's mansion like you will".

"Whatever", you rolled your eyes and went to your room to pick up some clothes and your books.

"Say hi to Gavi from me!"

You were still shaking your head when you closed your door.

"Hi! You're on speaker. I'm driving to the stadium".

"Sorry. I've got no water or electricity at my place. Can I stay with you until it's back?"

"Of course", said Pedri, not doubting his answer for a second, which made you smile. "And for the record, it wasn't me who did whatever it's that happened just so you stay with me".

"Don't believe him".

"Hi, Pablito! And don't worry, I don't believe him. I'll see you after the match, ok?"

"Looking forward to it".

"Good luck boys!"

                                    **

After the match, you waited for the boys near Pedri's car. They didn't take long to get there and you hugged both of them to congratulate them for the win. But your boyfriend got a longer hug.

"Sit behind him", said Pedri when you walked to sit behind the driver's seat, his seat.

"Why?"

"So I can see you while I drive".

"Oh my God", Gavi was rolling his eyes and Pedri glared at him.

But you did as he said and he started to drive. You could also see him better like this so you weren't going to complain.

When you were getting out of the stadium, you saw all the fans waiting. You put your hood on and tried to hide from all of them but they were surrounding the car.

Looking up from your phone for two seconds, you saw all the people trying to get a good look at you.

"It's her", you heard them say, "the girl Gavi is dating".

"See? I told you they were together".

You saw Pedri's jaw clenching and Gavi told him to drive so they wouldn't make you uncomfortable. He turned to see if you were ok and dozens of phones were out to film the interaction.

"Oh my God, he's so sweet looking after her", was the last thing you heard before Pedri drove past all the fans.

"Sorry about that", said Gavi.

"It's ok".

But you knew it wasn't ok. Because your boyfriend didn't say a word the whole drive to Gavi's and barely acknowledged him when he said goodbye.

You quickly moved to the passenger's seat and tried to get his attention but he wasn't in the mood.

"Are you ok?", you asked him when you got home.

"No, I'm really tired. Tired of everyone thinking my girlfriend is dating my friend".

"Who cares what they think? It's just because of that video. But you know the truth. We know the truth".

"What truth?", he said, raiding his voice. You had never heard him speak like that.

"What do you mean?"

"The truth about how you two spent weeks flirting and then you came here to be with him?"

"Are you for real?", you couldn't believe him. "You know how that ended. Why are you bringing that up now? I'm here with you, am l not?"

"Maybe you should just go with him. Everyone seems to think that".

"I don't think that".

But no matter what you said, he wouldn't look at you. It was breaking your heart. So you left…and there was only one place you could go to.

[justatiredhuman]

i've been really debating whether or not i should post something about liam, and i feel like i need to because im struggling more than i thought i would when i initially found out, and i think other directioners will understand me.

i became a huge 1d fan in early 2013 and from then on they became a major comfort in my life. i was struggling majorly with undiagnosed adhd and continued to struggle with it after starting high school in 2016 until i finally got diagnosed at 20 in 2022. it's still something i struggle with, but at 22 now, i feel much more safe and confident in myself, and that's thanks to how throughout the years i've found major comfort in one directions music and all the videos of them.

after they broke up and all did their own solo things i never really kept up with any of them. not because i didn't love them anymore, but because my taste in music changed and it was hard to see a band id loved for so long go their seperate ways on 'hiatus' (i genuinely believed that they would be back after a year or two despite being told by so many people it wouldn't happen. even this year i still held out hope that they'd be back as 5). in saying that, i still always listened to the band and had their music in my playlists. they've been in my top 5 artists on spotify for the past four years ive had spotify. despite everything they were always there for me.

i don't think liam was ever my favourite (id have to check with my mum), but he was such a central member of the band. he was a very prominent pillar and it's so hard to start trying to imagine a world that he's not in because he was always such a solid and reliable figure. i really regret not keeping up more with him and the others, i feel like ive missed out on so many new memories and things with all of them and it's hard to try and reconcile not only that, but the fact that we'll never get to see them as 5 on stage again.

his whole death has probably been more difficult for me because my grandad passed suddenly in late march this year, and after that i fell back into listening to 1d because of how much comfort their music brought me. i've been listening to practically only 1d ever since liam's death became public, and while it's been difficult and has had me incredibly emotional, it's also been comforting knowing that despite everything we still have something amazing to remember him by.

i don't think the world will ever feel the same to me now knowing that such a prominent figure in my childhood and adolescent life is now gone. he was part of the band that made me feel like i actually fit in, like i had a place in the world where i belonged and wouldn't be picked on for something i couldn't control and didn't understand. even now as an adult, i still felt/feel like the one direction fandom is one of the very very few places that i truly belong and don't feel like the odd one out.

i don't know if it will ever feel real that he's gone and isn't coming back. if im being honest, im still very much in denial that he's gone and i think this is something im going to struggle with for some time while i wrap my head around everything. im never going to be able to listen to certain songs the same way, and i think that liam is someone i am going to grieve for a very long time. i know that im going to continue to miss him and the smiles and laughs he gave me on days that i thought i wasn't able to.

the last few days have been incredibly difficult as i've felt like i've had to hide my grief because i never knew him personally, or managed to see 1d in person. but im slowly starting to realise that despite all that, he's still someone who practically raised me, and who i felt connected to and who felt like a safe place for me. im slowly realising that it's okay to grieve him because he was so so important to not only me but also millions of other people throughout the world.

to liam: thank you for all the wonderful memories. you were genuinely such an incredible person, and you were so insanely talented in so many different ways and i'll never forget the impact you had on me when i needed a strong and reliable role model to look up to. thank you for all the good times, thank you for all the incredible music you gave us, and thank you for the community that you helped build up over the years both in the one direction fandom, and when you went solo. i'll never regret being a fan of you and one direction. i genuinely think that despite how hard life was for me at that time, you and 1d gave me something to look forward to, and something to hold onto when things felt like too much. i genuinely hope that wherever you are now you have a chance to rest and process everything you went through in your life. i know how hard being the band was and how traumatic it must have been at times. i hope that you're able to find peace and watch over all your loved ones. and don't worry too much about the boys, i promise that we've got them and we'll do our best to support them through this difficult time. we've got each other to lean on and i have faith that as fans we will look after not only each other, but also your family and the boys.

you can rest easy payno, we've got it from here <3

love, Gia💜

[watatsumiis]

hey! ty for liking my tsaritsa so much!!! i'd love to hear more of your thoughts on her, if there are any!

omg of course, she's absolutely stunning, your art style does her so much justice (and honestly is just an awesome gorgeous style in general!!) and tbh your design is how I picture her in my head now !!

I have a lot of thoughts and ideas about the Tsaritsa, a lot of them are just kind of ~vibe~ based and hard to convey, but i'll toss them beneath the cut!

I really like the theory that her 'ideal' is love, like it's such a fun and interesting concept

like, to begin with i imagine she was a very kind deity, not in a familiar way, but in a general sort of .. benevolent to her subjects and open to those that sought an audience with her. Not exactly 'warm', but not entirely shutting them out either

though i imagine that sort of hollowed out as time wore on and she realised that even being an actual deity didn't give her the power she needed to be able to make any real tangible changes to things or help those who were doomed from the start (which is probably a big part of why shes so anti-celestia or whatever)

despite her despair and attitude towards romantic love sort of withering, she places a heavy emphasis on familial love (including found family) and on forming bonds that will stand the test of toil and time

she comes off very aloof, especially to those beneath her, and will actively try to avoid being around others if she can help it. She dislikes forming close attachments

this isnt to mean that she doesn't care. she just cares so much that the only way she can deal with it is by distancing herself, or else she's just setting herself up for repeated heartbreak when her loved ones inevitably die.

the exception to this ? pierro.

pierro is cursed with undeath, and even before that he was someone with a fiercely loyal (and stubborn) streak.

they both told themselves theyd never allow themselves to become attached to someone else after all the losses theyd been through, but in making this pact alongside one another they basically sealed their own fate

there are no simple words for the kind of intertwined, codependent, epic-spanning love-hate they have for one another.

their bond was one forged in the fires of loss and hardened by the ice of grief. despite what they both may say, they're in it for the long haul. Tsaritsa has slowly become accustomed to this idea. Pierro has not and will still vehemently deny it.

i guess to really shave it down id call it a queerplatonic relationship. something unholy and gorgeous. two flowers holding onto a cliffside by the tips of their roots and growing around one another.

the second 'exception' is columbina. i imagine she's like a weird nibling to the tsaritsa. she was picked to be amongst the harbingers because of her ability to light up any room she's in (i imagine tsaritsa secretly has a nickname for her that's somewhere along the lines of 'songbird' because of her voice ngl)

outside of this, the tsaritsa is cool and aloof and works very hard to maintain her composure, especially when under scrutiny. she is brilliant at keeping this facade in place.

until she's no longer in the public gaze, that is.

i like to think she's a tiny bit of a goofball, she has a soft spot for 'dad jokes' that make pierro roll his eyes and rub his temples, and she quite enjoys wine (im sorry but if she were a facebook mom her page would be minion memes and posts talking about how its wine o-clock)

she also rather enjoys slapstick humour - there are a few dottore clones running around who have perfected it enough so that she has to cover her mouth with a hand to stop her subjects from seeing the way her lips twitch upwards as she holds back her laughter

she's also really, really petty. not that she'd ever do anything about it, but more than once pierro has found himself in her chambers late at night, watching as she paces back and forth, her sixth glass of wine in hand, and complains about how that 'brick-brained geo archon just won't sign the damn contract! isn't that his entire shtick?!'

she also has a soft spot for kids, or people who have a youthful energy about them. it reminds her that maybe not all is bad in the world, and that she's going to change it for the better for their sake.

I like to think she's extremely good at various sports - i love the idea featured on the asker's blog about her having an elk instead of a horse. that's so cool and lives in my brain rent free and forever tbh. her and pierro on their steeds racing through a snowy forest on a rare free afternoon

i think she would've once been the type to enjoy prosey, flowery words, long poems, romantic tales of star-crossed lovers, that kind of thing. she read a lot and even wrote some. not any more though.

she has a very stern and strict air about her and won't hesitate to play into that if she feels like she needs to, but honestly she's got a good sense of humour on her. things that pierro scolds the other harbingers and such for are often things that she secretly finds really funny

though ALSO she's a stickler for good manners. i like to think that has extended to the snezhnayans , who are, when dealing with those outside of their immediate familial circles, are super duper polite (even if their tones may come off as abrupt). there's also a very heavily laid-on vibe of 'respect your elders' in snezhnaya.

she has such motherly vibes, but in a really standoffish way. she wont tell someone directly that she cares about them or what happens to them, but it'll be rerouted through like three other people like a game of telephone. like, yeah, that one person she caught shivering while on guard is gonna get a nice new pair of gloves but it will be from an anonymous donor (or just shoved into their hands by pierro with an annoyed grunt)

honestly now ive started im kind of finding it hard to stop but i just adore the tsaritsa so much and i love love love how you draw her so much, she's just so amazing and feels so like.. real, y'know? thank you so much for this ask, i really enjoyed rambling and thinking about the tsaritsa some more. i think your design and ideas should be canon actually

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

Cities

I know Remus is technically a Cardiff boy, okay? But humour me and let me make him from tiny little Llanwrtyd Wells please??

Imagine living on the end of the earth.

Take that and combine it with the terrestrial rain every other day, and it’s Remus Lupin’s home. A small, hidden Welsh town called Llanwrtyd Wells.

Living in buttfuck nowhere meant that you knew everybody and everybody knew you.

Everybody.

When Remus had his first kiss, old ass Mrs Davies nudged him and said ‘well done’ the next day.

Still, it had its perks. Like not having to come out to his mum, because there were approximately two other gay guys in town, and while Osian wasn’t a bad kisser, he wasn’t quite prepared to date someone who went on and on about how much he loved his small town and basically didn’t say anything else. Also, the nights being quiet. If they happened to have a heatwave (once in a millennia) he could sleep with the window wide open, without worrying about cars speeding past, or getting robbed. Bar the few teenagers in Remus’ classes that liked to shoplift (until one of them got a slap around the head from Arwen for robbing her mum) or vandalise a building from time to time, people were too close for there to be much criminal activity.

It also meant that when Hope finally kicked Lyall out, there was no way he could stay in town. The people had made it clear that he wasn’t welcome back.

Yeah, Remus loved the town, and the people in it.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t excited when he got into Oxford on a full scholarship. A big fuck off English city and a prestigious ass university! Also, a chance to live in a big city, finally.

He wasn’t expecting to find the first 5 minutes so hard. The moment he got off the bus, he realised that in Oxford, people barged into each other without a sniff of an apology, just walking quickly through one another. Also, why was it so big? Remus could blink in the wrong place and he’d be lost! Eventually, he gave up on trying to navigate the overwhelming maze of buildings and roads, getting a ridiculously expensive Uber instead.

Checking in was stressful, getting his key and his ID and finding his flat was stressful.

He had an awful start to a city life.

Everything smelled like petrol fumes, he could hear the cars through the window, everything was grey. Remus had almost thought he had made a mistake.

The first perk of Oxford? His roommates.

James Potter was essentially a big ball of energy who somehow knew the city like the back of his hand, even though he wasn’t from Oxford, so he didn’t have to worry about getting lost. He would smile and talk and somehow make sure everybody felt included at the same time. He had stopped Remus from snapping at everybody and breaking down on his first day.

Peter Pettigrew was from a smaller town in Devon, Clovelly, so he and Remus had plenty of time to complain about the differences between towns and cities. Peter kept Remus sane, making him feel like he wasn’t really odd for not being able to sleep in the city, with all of it’s noise, or exchanging an amused glance at the fact that every building was identical.

Sirius Black was…

Sirius Black deserved an entirely separate perk dedicated to him.

He was the example of a hot Londoner. Christ, with his long, flowing black hair and silver eyes… Remus figured out very early on that he was falling for him, that much was obvious.

Still, he had never really been around someone he fancied before, not when he was falling so hard and fast. Tripping and stumbling from liking him to loving him before he had a chance to catch his balance. Honestly, the last thing he had expected was to fall in love with a Londoner who could sleep through aggressive evening construction, had a posh as shit accent and could look at a train map and just… understand it.

He was well and truly fucked.

Until he realised that Sirius got jealous when other people flirted with him. The revelation that came at the third perk of a big city: a lot of places to get drunk. As it turned out, Remus was the right kind of tall and broad shouldered to be considered desirable to city people. Specifically, to city men, which wasn't something that Remus was at all used to. He had never had to learn to put on a charm, a filter.

More specifically, he couldn't flirt to save his fucking life. That meant he essentially just had to stand and nod while guys talked at him.

Well, until Sirius swooped in one day and snogged him senseless in the middle of the dance floor in a gay club. Then he didn't have to worry about flirting, he was Sirius', nothing but Sirius'.

The city was the fucking best. Without the city, he wouldn't have met Sirius.

Still, his small town was perfect for making his city boyfriend visit over the summer. It was pretty much the highlight of his life.

Sirius was the perk of every city he was in.

[summerwritesfics]

🗺️My Fingers In Creases Of Distant Dark Places

Pairing: Hanzo Hasashi/Kuai Liang Length: 1245 Words Rating: Teen Warnings: University AU, Fantasy AU, Magic School, Student!Hanzo Hasashi, Elemental!Hanzo Hasashi, Student Librarian!Kuai Liang, Qilin!Kuai Liang, Libraries, Studying, First Meetings, Kuai Liang and Bi-Han are half brothers AU-Gust 2024 Day 3: Dark Academia

AU-Gust 2024 Masterlist

Notes: I have no idea if I did dark academia right, but well… I tried so *shurg* Kuai Liang as a Qilin is a concept I’ve thought about before (and drawn a lot tbh) but never written about so :D Title is from Set Fire To The Third Bar by Snow Patrol

Hanzo huffed at the book in his hands. In the dim lights of the library, he was just about able to make out the information he needed. He hated studying, and if it were up to him he’d never do it again. But he’d made a promise many years ago to his mother that he’d go to this specific university and get a degree. She may have lost her life years ago, but Hanzo still remembered that promise, and knew he had to honour it.

… I still hate studying though.

He squinted at the book, trying to write down notes as he read. Fire magic is strong to ice and nature magic, but is weak to water, air however feeds it and makes it stronger, while it’s neutral towards light, dark and earth. This was pretty basic information, the sort you learnt when you first started studying elemental magics. Still, he wanted to go back over the basics so he could understand the more complex theory later on.

When he’d chosen to major in elemental magic, he figured he’d ace it, on grounds of himself being a fire elemental. And well, he did ace it, the practical parts of it that was. He was top in his class for control and mastery of his magic.

But theory? God, he didn’t realise there was more to that than just weaknesses and strengths. There were entire books about the history of each element, about techniques and how they were developed, about notable users, ways they were used and battles won using such magic. It was enough to give him a fucking headache if he was being honest.

He could pass all the practical classes, but if he couldn’t get the theory down he was fucked.

I won’t fail. I refuse. I need to make Okaasan proud.

“Excuse me.”

Hanzo jumped at the voice. It was so late in the night he’d forgotten he was in the Universities public library and not his own room. He looked up to be met with a young man looking at him. He wasn’t a human though, he had a branch like horn on his head, pointed ears, scales in various spots of his body breaking up human-like skin, and a long scaled tail with a fluffy mane running along it. If Hanzo had to guess, the man was a Qilin. Other than that, he had a large scar running down one side of his face, he was wearing a cheongsam and had a pair of glasses on.

As Hanzo’s eyes flicked down, he could see a lanyard around his neck, with an ID badge that read “Student Librarian; Song Kuai Liang”.

“Sorry to disturb you, but are you finished with any of these?” He gestured towards the piles of books on the table. “Just if I can put some away for you, I’d like to be able to do so.”

“Oh. Uh. Those are the one’s I’m done with.” He pointed to the pile of books he had finished reading. Wait, those were the ones I’ve read, right? He stared at them. “Ye- yes. Yes, those are the ones I’m done with.”

His eyes flicked between his piles. His done pile consisted of two books. He still had about 7 he still needed to read. He’d been here for like 2 hours and it was almost midnight already.

“Aw fuck,” he groaned throwing his head into his hands. “I’m never going to get out of here.”

Kuai Liang chuckled, and Hanzo lifted his head up in time to see Kuai pick up the two books. “I guess studying isn’t your thing, hm?”

“Not really,” He huffed, staring down at his notes. “I didn’t expect there to be so much writing in this major to be honest.”

Kuai’s ears twitched slightly and he tilted his head at one of the books in his hand. “Ah, you’re studying elemental magic?” Hanzo nodded and watched as Kuai opened the book and started to leaf through it. “My brother’s studying that. I wonder if you share your classes with him?”

Hanzo paused at that, because now that he thought about it, he did have a classmate with the surname “Song”. But he wasn’t sure he believed that person was related to Kuai Liang. Mostly because as far as he was aware, they were fully human, and not half qilin. Still, it was the only person in his class he could think of.

“His names not Bi-Han is it?” He asked, and when he saw Kuai’s tail wag in excitement, he knew he’d gotten it right. Oh. That’s… pretty fucking cute.

“Yes, that’s him,” Kuai confirmed, but given the slight grin on his face it was clear he knew Hanzo was confused. “We’re half brothers, if you’re wondering. We share a father.”

“Right. Sorry, that should probably have been obvious.” He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t considered that. There was another reason that Bi-Han wouldn’t have been exactly his first guess without the surname being involved. “Me and him don’t exactly get along though.”

“You and about 90% of the world,” Kuai replied with a giggle. “I grew up with him, trust me, I know what an asshole he can be sometimes.”

Hanzo actually laughed at that, “damn, it must be bad if even you’re saying that.”

“He just takes time to get used to people,” Kuai explained, still looking through the book a bit. “But if he does start to become a real bother, feel free to find me, I tend to be able to get him to stand down.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He suspected it would never come to that. Or at least he hoped it wouldn’t. Bi-Han was a bit rude and very stubborn, but outside of that it wasn’t like he was a bully or anything. Just a bit of a dick sometimes. Hanzo sighed, looking back at his notes and grimaced. “Sorry, I should probably get on with this.”

“You know…” Kuai said in a long drawn out way. “Sometimes, when I’m studying, I find it useful to have someone to read aloud to. I just find it helps the info go in better, somehow.”

Hanzo had never considered that before, but weirdly it made sense. At this point it was worth a shot. Anything to make studying feel less like pulling teeth. Although, he got the weird suspicion that Kuai Liang was bringing it up for a very specific reason.

“Are you offering?” He jokingly asked, watching as Kuai looked away nervously. He was biting his lip, and a small blush came over his cheeks. More interestingly, the end of his horn was glowing blue. Qilin’s horns glow when they’re embarrassed? It should be illegal to be so adorable! “Just, I figured you’re working right now. I wouldn’t want to take you away from that.”

“Ah, well, I’ve done all of the other work I was supposed to do, which is why I was bothering you about the books.” Ah, so he was trying to find something to do with himself. “Plus you’re the only person here right now. So…”

Hanzo looked Kuai up and down, before smiling and patting the seat next to him. Kuai Liang jumped at the chance, hurriedly coming to sit down next to him as he peered at the book Hanzo was holding.

“Well. I hope you’re ready to learn the history of fire magic, because this is gonna be a long one.”

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

this just in: Irish loser is Sad™ because all my friends can go and do shit but not me apparently

Vent under the cut, I'm really sorry about this but I have to get it off my chest (it's nothing too serious but it is kinda long)

I'm eighteen. I've voted twice. I've finished secondary school. People my age are planning holidays and going to college and moving out and actually living life, and I feel like I'm falling behind so so much.

I don't have a bank account. I don't have a passport or any form of photo ID with a date of birth. I don't even have (or want!) a driver's licence, I will circle back to that later though.

My parents (particularly my mom) keep saying they'll help me get set up with all the above but because Mom's busy with work and Dad's really forgetful, it never gets done.

It's gotten to a point where I don't actually see a point in getting these things set up, for the following reasons:

I haven't had my name legally changed yet so everything would be set up under my deadname. Which. Fuck that.

For a bank account to make sense I would need money and I live in literally the textbook definition of "rural ass farming town" so the only jobs around that don't need experience are working in the supermarket or food service. I would, and I'm not exaggerating here, rather launch myself into a black hole than do those jobs because I've heard from my neurotypical peers how hard they are so I can only imagine how awful it would be for someone with autism like myself. My only other option is to try and get unemployment benefits but like. What would I even be spending the money on? Certainly not a house (the housing market in Ireland is literally impossible) and not a holiday either.

For a passport to make sense I would need to be able to travel, and quite aside from the No Money thing (see above) I've been fucked over by fate yet again because Mom doesn't trust me to go places on my own. She's only quite recently started letting me take the bus to a town half an hour away with friends. I don't even see the use in asking her to go on a train/plane/ferry unaccompanied because I know for a fact she'd say no. She'd say something along the lines of "we should do this together a few times first" which, understandable, but then she's so tired from work and busy with housework on the weekends that that never ends up coming to fruition. Add to that my crippling anxiety, catastrophic thinking and fear of the unknown, and I have basically conditioned myself into thinking I can never go anywhere more than a half hour's drive away without a parent.

I do not want to learn to drive. My dad keeps telling me I should because it would give me freedom, except no it wouldn't. It's not like I could use his car because he needs to go places too, and I could probably never afford my own car cause that shit is expensive as hell to run and maintain, so I really see no sense in learning. Also, I have the navigational skills of a teaspoon, so I would be basically guaranteed to get lost.

All of this has come to a point where I'm super hesitant to ask for anything because I know that either my parents will outright say no, or I'll end up chickening out because they'll remind me there's probably something I haven't thought of. (Mind, they don't often fully explain what)

And this was fine a few years ago when I had no friends and couldn't see how people actually lived their lives, but as my friends are all telling me about things they plan to do, I guess I'm having a lot of realisations.

The first time a classmate of mine said she was going on a holiday independently with some friends of hers, my first immediate thought was, "Do her parents just not care?" This would've been a little over two years ago, when I and all my class were around 16.

Now, though, I'm realising that teens going places on their own is actually NORMAL and that, big surprise, I'm once again the weird one. I told Mom about this and her response was "there's no right speed to do life at" which is right, you shouldn't do things if you don't feel ready to do them, but I don't know, something about this whole situation feels kinda wrong to me.

Here's the thing that's made me emotional today though.

The big Pride festival in Ireland is on June 29th. I wanted to go last year with my friends but Mom said no because it would be "too crowded" and "what if something goes wrong and I can't be there for you" and all that. And the worst part? She's right. It would have been very overwhelming.

Anyway this year, my friends aren't going, so even if by some miracle Mom's answer was going to change, I would feel awkward not being able to go with anyone I knew. So I'm not even gonna ask.

The way I see it, I can't move on with my life in any way as it stands. I can't release music, or publish books, or sign up to act in anything, until I get my name changed, because I do not want to be renowned under my deadname.

But I also feel like I can't change my name until I move out. My parents say they need to know where I am all the time, to the point where I once had an outing with a group of friends interrupted by a call from my father because I had left with the group from the coffee shop he'd dropped me off at, to a different shop somewhere else, two minutes' walk away.

I don't know. I feel like I have no freedom or independence and I'm genuinely unsure whether this is normal for people my age, or if it's an autism thing, or if my parents (again, particularly my mother) are being weird.

Basically what I'm wondering is

Is it healthy to be in this situation? And if not, how can I get out of it?

Again, I'm really really sorry about this, I know I don't usually get all personal on here but just. I feel weird about this and need some advice or at the very least a virtual shoulder to cry on

[yes-divine-ruler]

Boy Next Door

Part 14: Who Was She?

pairing: alex (from adult world) x fem!reader

Taglist/ @v-love @evanpetersfav @demxnicprxncess @kitwalkersgfff @quicksilversg1rl @iruzias @alexxavicry @soaringcloud @laynna-mcknight @humdrumexistence @simp4petermaximoff @evan4ever @paujmr @jangsuzchap @meganxfox @fuckedbykai

cw: fluff <3

wc: 1.15k (short one 🫠)

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"Alex?"

I stood at the door of my apartment, peering inside with a big frown on my face. The adrenaline of the almost fire had worn off, but dealing with the aftermath had only just begun.

"Hm?" Alex was standing in my kitchen, his hands on his hips as he looked up at the black smoke damage that scarred the ceiling.

I bit my lip, dreading what was doing to happen now that my kitchen wasn't functional, and I was still covered in soot.

"When do you think Dan will get here?" Dan was our landlord, and long-time friend of my father's. I knew these repairs wouldn't be cheap, and I wasn't looking forward to having to tell my parents about it.

It still hadn’t left my mind that I saw Alex with another girl at the door of his apartment, and although he wasn't technically doing anything wrong, I wondered why he did it. It hurt but I tried to conceal that behind a tight lipped smile.

"Probably never, he's always so slack. Didn't help much when my toilet was leaking,"

"Well that's reassuring."

I passed by my reflection in the mirror by the entryway and almost had a heart attack. Confronting Alex would have to wait for later.

"Did you want to shower?"

"Yeah, I'm going now," I was blunt, and my tone was flat but i don't think he sensed it. Alex's eyes sparkled and a sly smile crept up onto his face.

"Would-"

I knew what he was going to say, and cut him off with a hand to his chest and a shy nod. Maybe I was mad, but having the comfort right now wasn't something I could pass up on.

"I'll help you get all that soot off your face- you remind me of the Susuwatari," I pretended I knew what that meant and offered him a small smile, taking his hand as he offered it and followed him into my bathroom.

I was quick to rid of my clothes, not caring much about being stark naked in front of Alex now that he'd seen me like this a number of times now. It was the first time I'd be seeing him though, with nothing on, and the thought made my stomach twist in knots.

I got in the water almost immediately, and watched the tiled floor as char-coloured water disappeared down the drain. The water felt good on my skin, and I was already feeling like I had a clearer mind.

My eyes were closed when Alex decided to join me, and he placed a hand steadily on my hip as I rinsed my hair. His fingertips left goosebumps across my skin and it never ceased to make me feel flustered.

"Let's see your face,"

I turned around to face him, my eyelashes wet with water and my eyelids heavy. I'd be stupid to say I wasn't exhausted.

Alex's eyebrows furrowed in concentration and his bottom lip wedged between his teeth as he worked a flannel across my face, wiping off the soot with intricacy. I melted under his touch, soaking in the softness of his fingertips.

Without thinking he’d realise, I took a glance downwards, and I was more than impressed by what I saw.

"Are you looking at my dick?"

Alex chuckled when my face started to burn red.

"No asshole,"

"It looked like you did,"

"Shut up."

"Okay, well.. can I wash your hair?"

It felt so nice as his fingers massaged my head. Id never had someone pay such close attention to me, or look after me the way he did. That girl was ruining my moment.

"Who was she?"

Alex looked at me with wide eyes that were glazed over in confusion, until something finally clicked and his lips curved down into a frown. My heart dropped.

"I'll be honest with you, just don't get mad okay?"

Usually when someone says that they're about to say something gut wrenching. I nodded to encourage him to continue, not being able to muster any words.

"I was scared, of commitment, of being so deep into something that I had to rely on someone else. I invited her over, to smoke, and then.." I held my breath.

"I asked her to leave. I couldn't even stand the thought of being in a room alone with another girl, and now, I'm royally fucked."

It wasn't the most romantic confession, but my heart still skipped a beat.

"Why did you feel like you had to invite someone over? That's kinda dumb isn't it?"

"I am dumb, I'm dumb for thinking that I shouldn't just go for it and commit to someone I know likes me, for me."

"Is that me you're talking about?"

Alex's face lit up into a smile and be wrapped his arms around me. Our bare bodies pressed together as my head nestled into his shoulder.

"Now you're being dumb, obviously it's you."

I looked up at him and grabbed his face in both hands before bringing his face down to mine. He kissed me so passionately I wasn't sure I could keep my footing. He held me like he was scared of letting me go.

When he pulled away he kissed my nose.

"I realised something when I was petrified of losing you that I want to be with you, for real, like... boyfriend and girlfriend type shit."

"Is that your way of asking me?"

"Okay," Alex took a deep breath, "will you, Y/N, be my girlfriend, officially."

I smiled and hugged him again, kissing his neck where my head was.

"I'd love to," I was feeling so warm and fuzzy inside I almost had to turn down the temperature of the water.

Alex and I got out, and I realised I only had one towel in my bathroom. He stood naked as I wrapped my towel around myself and ran to get him another one.

He sped back to his apartment afterwards to get changed, giving me time to change and stare at my black ceiling. I couldn't get over the fact that a mere hour ago I was crying over him and now I was his girlfriend.

“I’m baaaack!”

Every time I laid eyes on Alex he just looked so cosy and warm, especially in his black sweats and socks. He pulled me gently by the arm in a rush to get me into bed, and when we finally laid down, my eyes fell closed. His hand combed soothingly through my hair as my head laid in his warm chest, and regardless of what happened today, there was no place I’d rather be than here.

“You must be exhausted,” Alex whispered in my hair, placing a small kiss on my temple. I smiled lazily against him, and wrapped an arm tightly around his torso.

“Are you okay?”

“Shut up, I’m trying to sleep.”

“Oh shit, sorry, goodnight.”

[sullenconeygirl]

Body dysmorphia amongst women:

Do you ever look at someone so beautiful that you just wonder to yourself that this woman has probably never ever felt insecure before because of how “perfect” they look to you? We all do, and I definitely do, but what I’ve realised is that no woman I’ve ever met has ever not said one bad thing about her body. ‘I look so fat today’ ‘my shoulders are too broad’ ‘my nose is so big’ ‘I wish my boobs were bigger’ ‘my thighs are so fat’. I have heard this from almost every woman I have ever spoken to. So I decided to interview a couple of my friends. Friends of mine that I find extremely beautiful and that I also thought could never possibly be insecure about themselves. I asked about what caused their insecurities and how they effect them till this day and wether they think women ever truly love their bodies or not. Here is what a few of my friends said ( most are kept anonymous due to privacy reasons)

Ruby flach :

growing up I always felt different from others. I felt as if my body made me who I am. I feel as if it holds all my value as a women. i compared every feature, every pore every single tiny little flaw that only id be able to notice to the other girls around me. ive never been insanely skinny, and although that’s all I want in life, I never successfully achieve it. during the years of covid, i fell into a deep depression which made my self esteem worse than it already was. i stopped eating, and when I did, I would purge. and the funny thing is, I would be proud of myself for it. it was like a reward to me. but, I think every women can agree that body dysmorphia is almost a never ending thing and it’s part of our lives. Young girls and older women, skinny and fat, we all feel the same. we all equally share the same secret hatred for ourselves. And deep down I know that even if my body changes, my mind won’t.

Anonymous:

basically it started by getting comments and stuff about my looks. Saying stuff like how big my forehead was and how large I was. It also was about my nose and how fat it looked from the front. That was when I was around eleven. I used to get made fun of from year two to around year six and it really affected my confidence and stuff. To this day i still have really bad body dysphoria. I still see myself as that ugly little girl nobody wanted to sit with because she wasn’t pretty enough. I still think I look too fat or too ugly to get any validation or anything. I still try to convince myself that i’m not like that and that i’m not ugly and stuff. I try to surround myself with people who I know won’t make fun of my looks. Who won’t treat me like i’m nothing but my looks.

Anonymous :

It all started when I was 9, it was because of a boy in my primary school. He used to make fun of the way I was built and call me names, so that summer holiday I started having eating problems and it was during covid. When I came back to school I lost a lot of weight, however he’d still call me names and stuff. So I never really felt comfortable in my body. Even after all that I was still being called names. Since then I’ve gained weight and I’ve been trying to get better by playing a lot of sports and stuff but I feel like I’ll never be better and there’s always gonna be something wrong about me. To be honest I don’t really think a woman can ever be truly in love with her body, I have thin friends, thick friends, friends with all body shapes and they’re all insecure about something that they have. From my point of view, I don’t think woman will ever truly be comfortable enough in their own body because of the comments that are directed towards them.

Anonymous :

how it all started was I saw other girls bodies and I was like how can I be skinny like them? but I never knew how to,and I was always disgusted and uncomfortable with my body no matter what I did,I would never be happy, I saw other girls and I would be like she’s so pretty but if I imagined having my face into theirs I knew I y never be happy because I just never liked my body, it also started cause I would get bullied like crazy and I would compare myself a lot cuz of media ,it effects my daily life because like I starved myself so I would get dizzy and got diagnosed w anemia, it effects my relationships w others cause I keep ranting about my body and I feel empty n disappointed with having my body but no one really understood , I tried to get rid of it by being more positive w myself and be healthier cause the more healthier I am the less shitty I feel, I tried that so many times, it never worked but now I’m trying to adjust my mindset and be a better person for myself n others.

These are all responses from some of the most beautiful girls you’ll see, girls who you would look at on the street and admire and be jealous of. but when you really get to know them you realise they are no different from you. 90% of women get eating disorders from the comments they receive and 80% of them start getting those comments at the ages of 7-10. these women will do everything in their power to change themselves but it won’t be because they want to it’ll only be to fit into society and be accepted by others.

Does the ideal body really exist? Is there really a specific body type that could never be hated by anyone. The perfect body, does it exist?

In my opinion I really don’t think it does. Maybe it does to you but that’s just the ideal body in your eyes. But not in everyone’s eyes. Same goes for looks. It’s all subjective. You might look at a supermodel and think to yourself that this is every man’s ideal body type and that there is absolutely no possible way that any man could find her unattractive but that is just not true at all. In my own experience I have had men tell me I’m either too skinny or have the perfect body or that I’m not skinny enough. So no there genuinely is no ideal body type.

In my own experience my ed started very early. When I was around 8 I wasn’t very beautiful but the only thing I would ever get complimented on was how tall and thin I was, and I thought it was the only good thing about me and that if I wasn’t skinny anymore I wouldn’t be good in anyway. So I would eat as little as possible and I would go run every morning with my dad, my parents thought I was just trying to be healthy but I was slowly losing myself to an obsession of staying thin. Then when I got to the age of I think 12 I completely stopped eating, I would starve for 3 days straight and then eat like crazy just to workout like crazy until I’d pass out at the train station omw to school.

I later realised starving only ever made me gain back the weight even quicker. Till this day I wouldn’t say I’m completely healed but I’m a lot better than I used to be. Although I still have times when I gain weight and start getting triggered to go back to my old ways again. And as much as I do I never tell anyone about it because I always feel weird as if I’m attention seeking.

Do I think a woman could ever be truly confident in her own body? No I do not. I think no matter how much a woman changes her body or how much work she gets done there is always going to be that one moment where you’ll still want something on your body to be different wether it be your facial feature or body feature or if your getting old. It never stops the only thing you can do is try to love yourself as much as possible as much as you can so that those moments won’t occur as much but that’s just my point of view. I don’t think it’s possible for a woman to ever get of the misery of body dysmorphia.

[jeonginssa]

I Swear, I’ll Never Leave Again | W.JH

Part One - “Workplace romances are very sexy”

Author’s note: This is the first chapter of I Swear I’ll Never Leave Again, I hope you like it! I promise Jun will be much more involved soon

Word count: 1.2k (ish)

Content/genre: nonidol jun, jun x reader, lisa (blackpink) is bestie goals, fluff, heavy angst, office romance

Trigger/content warnings: implied alcohol consumption, nothing else yet but story will involve domestic abuse down the line (reader’s ex is abusive not jun), not proofread

Taglist: open

*****

You drove to work that morning worrying about whether or not you’d pick up the workload easily, if you’d fit in well to the office environment and mostly, if your colleagues would like you. You knew your work should be the most important thing but there is nothing more awful than working in an office where everyone hates you. You pulled the car to a stop and took a deep breath. 할 수 있어 (I can do this), you repeated to yourself three times before sighing and stepping out of your car, bag in hand, locking it behind you.

The building in front of you was impressive. It belonged to an entertainment company, you would be working in the translation department. You felt your hands start to shake a little as you forced yourself to take deceptively confident strides in the hope that no one would notice how anxious you were.

Upon reaching the door a receptionist buzzed you in and issued you with your keycard ID.

“You won’t be able to go anywhere without that, so please be sure to keep it on your person at all times. I’d encourage you not to lose it but should anything happen to it, I can issue you another one for a small fee. You will be working on the fourth floor, in room seventeen. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

“No, that’s everything, thank you so much.” You lightly bowed and she nodded her head in return before you made your way to the elevator.

Whilst in the elevator you couldn’t help but think about what an unlucky number four is. Was it a sign you shouldn’t be working here? No that was probably too much. You took a deep breath, stepped out of the elevator and made your way to room seventeen.

What you weren’t expecting to find was your childhood friend, hand outstretched acting as if you’d never met before.

“Hello, my name is Wen Junhui, I’ll be your manager from now on.” You bowed, albeit a little delayed from the shock and shook his hand.

“I’m L/N Y/N, I look forward to working with you.” For a second you thought his hand may have been shaking but you realised it was most likely your own hand that refused to be still. Your hands parted and you hoped he hadn’t noticed. If he had, he wasn’t letting on.

“If you need anything I’ll be in my office just over there,” he gestured to a separate room which was more window than wall. “Otherwise please speak to Lisa, she’ll bring you up to speed.

It was only then you realised there was a woman standing next to him. How you hadn’t noticed her was beyond you because she was drop dead gorgeous. She was so attractive you couldn’t understand why she would be working in an office when she could so easily be a model. She smiled and you both bowed before she gave you a rundown of your tasks for the day as well as a tour of the office and break room. You knew you should pay attention to her but all you could think about was that Junhui didn’t recognise you. Granted it had been almost ten years since you last saw each other but you hadn’t changed that much and you two had been pretty much attached at the hip your whole childhood’s. How could he not remember?

The rest of your first day went by mostly in a blur. You occasionally tried to catch glances at Junhui’s office but he’d closed the blinds so it was fruitless. Overall, you did pretty well considering it was your first day but had anyone been paying you any attention they absolutely would have noticed that you were preoccupied. Thankfully, everyone was too busy with their work to even look up.

*****

By the next week you’d pretty much gotten into the swing of things, you were making good progress on the film you were subtitling and Lisa was already starting to feel like a work friend. Enough that you felt like you could ask her some questions about Junhui.

“Does the boss ever come out of his office?” Lisa laughed at your sudden line of questioning.

“Rarely, him introducing himself to you was the most interaction I’ve had with him in a month outside of him calling me into his office for updates on my projects. Thinking about it, I don’t remember him ever introducing himself to anyone else. He usually just hands you a list of assignments and goes back to his office.” You must have taken too long to reply because she added, “don't get the wrong idea though, he never dates anyone,” and winked.

“Believe me that’s not what I was thinking,” you chuckled.

“It’s okay you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed how attractive he is.” Granted you had to admit you weren’t just taken aback by the fact he didn’t recognise you. He had objectively grown into his looks. He was tall, like a good 6 inches taller than you at least, slender and had breathtaking eyes. Little Junnie had most definitely grown up.

You laughed, “I noticed but I’m not looking to date either, plus he’s my boss.” You could have told Lisa you knew him but how could you say oh, we were best friends, when he clearly has no idea who you are. You even told him your full name and he didn’t so much as flinch. She’d only pity you if she knew the truth.

“I don’t know, workplace romances are very sexy,” she wiggled her eyebrows at you and you couldn’t help but laugh. She really did brighten a room. You couldn’t help but hope that you could go from work friends to actual friends one day. As if she read your mind she added, “by the way, a bunch of us are going for drinks after work later, you should come!”

You pulled your sweater sleeves down over your hands, “I would but I don’t think a club would even let me in dressed like this.”

“Luckily for you, I live close, we’ll just run to mine quick before we catch up with the others. It’ll be fun, I can do your makeup too if you want? What do you say? It’ll be fun!”

Lisa’s enthusiasm was contagious and you agreed before you could even think about it. It had been a long time since you’d actually allowed yourself to have fun and even longer since you’d got all dressed up.

Lisa cut no corners in dressing you to the nines, in fact you didn’t think you had been this dressed up ever. Her room was more wardrobe than bedroom and she had more accessories than anyone you knew. She’d put you in a little black dress, a little handbag that looked way out of your budget and a pair of black stilettos. Your makeup was simple with a nude lip and winged liner but it was way better than it looked when you did it and you had to admit that by the time she’d added jewellery and done your hair, you looked good.

“Damn girl, where were you hiding?” You blushed.

“It’s not too much is it?”

“Don’t be silly, you look great, now lets go catch up with the others!” She grabbed a clutch on the way out and you scurried after her.

[asmutwriter]

Phone Call (Dean x f!reader)

DESCRIPTION: (season 11) After a long day at work you get back home and receive a phone call from an emotionally (or as emotional as he gets) Dean Winchester

A/N - I hope you guys don’t mind the fact that I write fluff content to try and help show the build up of their relationship. I feel like it helps you see their dynamic grow if it has some angst and fluff rather then just pure smut. I say this, I do have an idea for a smutty scene so stay tuned for that

A/N - This was part of my ‘You Saved Me’ story I had however I didn’t like it as part of the story line so I’ve made it its own one shot story

WORD COUNT: 2350

One Shots / ‘You Saved Me’

WARNINGS: swearing, light implications of insomnia/anxiety, flirting, 

DISCLAIMERS

- This is fiction. Please always talk to your partner before doing anything and make sure they are ok with what you are doing beforehand

- Not been proof read

“Thank you Hope... for saving our son” the woman says as she holds your hands. You smile at her. 

“Its my pleasure to help” you look at her as she kisses your hands. She heads over to her son. You pick up the box that now contains the demon inside of it. Going to your car and driving to your secure lock up. Filled with various items used for securing demons and ghosts. Or cult items used for worship. Anything that youve dealt wih that holds significant power you have kept safe here. You place the new addition onto one of the shelves. Blessing the room before you leave.

You unlock your front door. Loking it again behind you as you place the keys onto the hook. Hearing a soft humming coming from the living room. You walk in. The two girls curled up under a blanket on the sofa. Billy on the floor with his back resting agaisnt the same sofa. The three of them watching a film “Sorry Im so late back. Had a problem at work that meant I had to stay overtime”

“Its ok mum. We ordered a chinese. Left some of it for you in the fridge” Anna says, titling her head to look at you. You smile. Going over and kissing the top of her head

“You guys all done you’re homework?” they nod “oh you guys are so good. I’ll be in in a second” you smile at them as you go into the kitchen. Grabbing out the leftivers and heatung it up. Then joinging them in the living room as they watch their film. Once it finishes they slowly make their way to bed. Lydia having a quick shower, Billy making them all a hot drink as Anna packs her school bag ready for the morning. You unload the dishwasher as you takj to him “Ive already said this to the girls but I have a work thing tomorrow afternoon so I wont be able to pick you guys up from school. You’ll have to get the bus back”

“God I hate the bus”

“I know. Im sorry. But I can drive you in so you all get a lie in” you smile at him as he chuckles. 

“When they come in here tell them their drinks are ready. Im going to bed” he smiles “night”

“Goodnight” you say as he walks out. A few minutes later and botht e girl walk in. They take their drinks and also say goodnight. Heading off to their rooms. You do your usual check of the house. Making sure all the doors are locked and secure before reteiring to your bed. Getting in you snuggle under the soft duvet. Jumping slightly as you hear your ohone buzz, Turning on the bedside lamp you pick it up. Why was he ringing ths late at night? you answer it. 

“Hey Rose” he says.

“Dean. Is everything ok?”

“Yeah. I just thought that I should be better at keeping in touch with you. As we always say we will and never do. Thought Id start the process of it”

“But this late at night?”

“Its not- shit sorry. Didnt realise how late it had gotten. I’ll leave you to sleep” you shake your head as you rest your head down on pillow.

“No its ok. Its nice to hear from you. Like you said, we need to keep in contact more often then we do as we always say we will” a soft chuckle coming down the phone. “Did you have a hunt today then?”

“Yeah. Had a bit of a weird case today and I needed to talk to someone to help clear my head”

“What was the case?”

“A banshee. It really managed to screw with my head today. Quite badly screwed with it infact. But thats enough about my life. How are you and the girls? And Billy now I guess?”

“Theyre all good. We had a bit of a ghost problem in our old house so we had to move but that was a few months ago now”

“A ghost problem? ANd you didnt call me?” you laugh slightly

“Im a grown up. I can deal with my own ghosts” a soft chuckle coming down the phone

“How did the others react to you javeing a haunted house?”

“Well... they dont know. Well the girls dont anyway. Billy saw the spirit. He doesnt liek talking about it as he thinks hes going insane but he saw her. I didnt tell the girls. I just said that we had to move. Thankfully they know how I am with staying in one place to long so didnt question it”

“They dont know about the ghost then?”

“They dont know about ghosts period. And I plan on keeping it that way. The less they know about monsters the better”

“I agree with you on that” you rub yoru eyes slightly. Standing up you wrap your dressing gown around you as you head to the kitchen. You dont register that he was talking to you as you walked until you hear him say your name “Kat?”

“Sorry what did you say?” he laughs, you can almsot hear him shaking his head

“I asked how long youve been in your new place”

“Oh gosh. About 9 months Id say” you grab a cereal bar from the cupbaord “how long have youlived in your place?”

“We moved in about three years ago”

“Its just you and Sam there right?”

“Yeah. I mean Cas lives with us too but not constantly”

“Ive not heard you talk about Cas before”

"Hes just a friend of ours. Hes an angel”

“An angel? As in...”

“Yeah. Feathers, harps, robes, all that shit”

“I jave images of you and your brother being serrenaded each morning as you wake by a random man wearing a robe and playing a harp” he laughs

“Sadly not quite that ammusing” you chuckle soflt

“Thats a shame. Id pay money to see that”

“I would too” you smile as you finish off your food. Standing up you turn off the kitchen light. Going back into your room you hang your dressing gown on the back of the door before you climb into bed. Sitting cross legged with the duvet over your lower half. “What does he look like then? This angel friend of yours”

“Why? You hoping hes cute so you can get laid?”

“Shut up” a chuckle going down the phone “no I was just curious as to if he looked like how the bible depicts them to look like”

“No. Similar to demons they posess people so they look like whoever they are possessing. But angels have to ask for permission”

“Oh at least they are keen on peoes consent to be a meat puppet” another soft chuckle down the phone. You smile down the phone

“Thining of friends, how is... whats her name...” a pause as he thinks. “Tash. Thats her name. How is she?” you let out a small scoff as you roll your eyes

“Im not sure. Havent heard from her directly in about 3 weeks. She moved to Spain”

“Oh...”

“Please do sound more disapointed” you say sarcasticly “really helps buid up my attraction towards you”

“No I- I didnt mean it like that” you chuckle as he tries to backtrack

“Just keep digging dude. Keep digging”

“I just wanted to know how she was doing. Thats all”

“Oh of course. Defiantly not because you wanted to ask me for her number a you forgot to get it when you last saw her”

“SHut up” you smile as you grab your water from your side, sipping it slightly “do you have her number though?”

“I do. But I feel liker he new boyfriend might be a bit pissed at me if I gave it to you” you laugh as he lets out an annoyed sigh

“Just a quick thing. Next time lead with that information”

“Aww but it was funny hearing you sound all hopeful” you mock him down the phone

“Bitch” he playfully mutters down the phone

“Im offended. Truly” you let out a soft laugh as he pauses on the other side

“WHat did you mean by your attraction towards me?” you can hear the smirk in his voice

“Wh-what do you mean?” you curxe at yourself silently for sutterong

“You said that it helos build up your attraction towards me. Just wanted to know what you eamtn by that exactly?” the teasing in his voice evident.

“I said it sarcasticly so...” you shrug “wouldnt think to much into it” you smile as he lets put a soft ‘uh huh’ down the phone.

“You sure that it doesnt mean that you have secretly have the hots for me?”

“You wish” he chuckles slightly. His voice goi g lower as he speaks

“I dont make you squirm just by the sound of my voice? That you dont think of me on those lonely nights when its just you and your thoughts?” you move slightly. Trying to think of a good comeback as his words go straight to your core.

“Idiot” you mutter. He chuckles

“Thats the best you got?”

“SHut up. Its late and I wasnt expecting this conversation”

“SO what you have to have a comeback prethpught of?”

“How would me hanging up on you be for a comeback?”

“Ok ok. Im sorry” you roll your eyes “I get it though. I am devilishly handsome”

“I would so kick your ass right now if you were here”

“Oh Id like to see you try sweetheart” once again you can hear the cocky grin on his face. You glare at the wall as you hear him let out a soft chuckle. 

“how is Sam?”

“Hes good. He met someone tday that I think hes pretty keen on. Of course he would never admit that” you chuckle soflty

“Of course not” you smile down the phone “How about you? You got any fancy ladies?” he chuckles soflty. Pausing for a little bit before he answers

“Im very much single” he says, you can hear a soft smile on his voice “how about you? You got any special man? Or woman for that matter?”

“No. To both of those. I did go on a date a couple of weeks ago withh a guy”

“Oh yeah? How did that go?”

“It went well. Very well actually. Until I realised he didn actually like kids. Very much disliked children. SO I just kind of... left him... didnt really think we would becompatable considering I have three”

“Three? When did you pop anotherone out?”

“Im incorporationg Billy into the mix. Gotta include the adoptive son” he chuckles slightly

“Yes. Having met him I can picture him being quite upset if you didnt consider him one of yours”

“Oh very much so. He insisited we had new family pictures done proffesionally so he was part of them. Its cute to be honest. I think hes just happy that he has a family again. Only downside is that Im more outnumbered when it comes to thwm asking for a pet”

“Oh really?”

“Yep. Im not keen on getting a pet anything. Lyida really wants a pet cat and Anna was never bothered. So it was essentially even. But now Billy wants a cat to. SHes done some sort of jedi mind trick on him to want to get one I think” he chuckles

“You could get a cat”

“No. Dont you side with them either”

“You could though. Really help add to your stress levels I feel. Needing to look after another living thing” you roll your eyss at his sarcasm

“Theyd look after it well enough. They always forget to drink and eat themselves but are great at reminding each other to do it” he chuckles softly down the phone

“Yeah that sounds about right. Exactly like their mother”

“SHut up” you glare down the phone, hearing him let out another chuckle. You smile. There was something about bis  laugh that coule easliy light up a room. You mentally shake yourself before mvoing under your duvet. STretching your legs out under the soft sheets, hearing Dean let out a muffled yawn on th enother end of the line. You chuckle slighty “Am I keeping you up?”

“No. Defiantl not. I did ring you so its me whos keeping you up, surely”

“ou arent wrong. But it is-” you look at the clock on the bedside table “12:06am. So I understand if you’re tired” he laughs slightly. 

“Ive stayed up way later then this”

“We cant pull an all nighter”

“And why not?” although the tone in his voice was slightly mocking, the way it sounded made you realise he was asking it as a genune question as well.

“No we cant. I have work tomorrow. Plus I have to get the girls and Billy to school” a soft ‘oh’ leaves his lips. The sadness in his voice making your heart break. You shut your eyes. Trying to think of a solution that meets you both. “I would say that you’re welcome to come round. But its very late and I imagine you wont want to travel far just for the sake of a sleepover” 

“Id like to. A lot actually. But I shouldnt. Too much going on for me to leave in the middle of the night. I really wish I could though. More then you think” you smile softly as you nod

“I understand. You have a hectic life. Saving the world and everything. Cant be easy”

“No its certainly a pain in my ass” you chuckle softly

“Its been lovely hearing from you though Dean. But I really should go to sleep now. Sorry”

“Its ok. I should get some shut eye too” you smile down the phone softly “I’ll see you around Kat” you nod at his statement

“I hope so. Goodnight”

“Night”. Click off. You place your phone down on the side cabinet. Rubbing your hand over your face before settling down underneath the covers. 

[preciadosbass]

17/8/24 [2X DIYS!! draft from yesterday — key + significant photos at end]

woke up at 4 because i got mixed up last night regarding the bootsale and thought it was today. i soon realised that my dad agreed to take me tomorrow, so i went back to sleep. i slept on and off, and actually woke up at 8:40. when i woke up, i scrolled on emo/sceneblr and saw that ronnie radke streamed and i missed it :’[ - i attatched pictures of my DIY’s and stuff to the upcoming weekly recap and went through a few more drafts. i spent quite a lot of time just on socials and looking through pinterest so i finally got round to doing something at 10:50. i saved a spiderweb made out of wire in my DIY pinterest board yesterday and wanted to try. i then put on the ronnie radke stream for something to listen to in the backround. i tried for ages to make it look cool, but it’s safe to say, i failed miserably. so i decided to make a bracelet instead. i used plain black elastic and these rainbow-black beads that smell of metal [i don’t know how to explain the colour, you’ll see in the photo at the end]

once i was done [11:20] i painted a few more rocks. i attempted to make one with multiple sharks on, then a single great white, a fish skeleton, and just a spiral patterned rock. the multiple shark one was an utter disaster and i messed up the spiral rock with black paint but it sort of looks textured now so i’m not devastated about it. i just don’t think anyone else will be able to look at it and not think it’s the ugliest thing they’ve ever seen in their life because i can’t see through its ugliness either. they’re all incredibly imperfect but i honestly prefer things when they’re messy. i still am a perfectionist though, if that makes sense. i only like certain things to be scruffy, like my patch stitching, or painting, or sometimes physical writing. anyway, i think i’ll keep the great white and fish skeleton one, i’ll probably paint over the spiral it’s literally atrocious. while doing this, the ronnie [radke] stream ended so i started listening to sky eats aeroplane and get scared. i finished doing the rocks at 12:12, counting the time i waited for the paint to dry. [photo at end]

afterwards i went outside with boris from 12:20 to 1:50 when i got dressed. while i was out there a few horses came by and the people riding them were shouting about something or another. today i wore this low cut black + checkered shirt that used to be my mums, black ripped skinny jeans, knee high converse, a studded belt, a taxidermy scorpion necklace, a taxidermy silver fox tail [with a barn owl keychain attatched], gray + black striped arm warmers sleeping with sirens bracelet, long spiked cuff bracelet, the new bracelet id made, mcr bracelet, can tab bracelet, and a panic! at the disco bracelet. [photos at end]

today me, my parents and my sister were going to a party. i dont know or anyone remembers or if anyone reads my journals to know, but quite a while ago my neighbour that id never met before invited me and my family to his wife’s birthday party. upon getting there, two random women started speaking about how much i’d grown up but i swear i’ve never been around them before haha. i noticed a girl playing with the younger children in the huge garden and thought she looked epic. she had dark purple roots and her neck was decorated in gothic jewellery. she also had a couple of piercings but i couldn’t see what type because of the distance i was from her. i got frustrated because i knew that i wouldn’t have the confidence to even compliment her and both of my parents seemed to think she was at least in her 20s. while i was speaking to my dad about approaching her, she walked away from the kids and came up to me.

she said she loved my outfit and that i reminded her of her younger self. she also asked what bands im into but i’m terrible at listening things off the top of my head so i scrolled through a bit of my playlist and showed her. she mentioned loving mcr. while doing so, her friend walked over. she hyped up my playlist and the alt girl asked how old i am. i told her mine, and she said her age back. [shes currently 19, i’m going to assume the other friend is around the same age/the same age] i also asked if she’d seen any live bands, she said yes but didn’t name anything in particular. however she did mention that she’s also going to see slipknot in december!! not at the same venue as me, though.

afterwards she asked if i wanted to come up to the bar and get a drink with them both. i said i already had a drink over at my chair and they encouraged me to follow them anyways. once they’d gotten their drinks, we all sat on a beanbag next to a fountain in the garden. they took out cigarettes and J [the alt girl, the other one i think is still alt but dosent dress in a way that’d give it off] started asking about school and if i have any alt friends. i told her and N [the other girl] that i’m not in school or technically being homeschooled, and told them a little bit about my social life. we all just talked about how hard it is to be alt/have any kind of alt mindset in school [or in general] and how ruthless people can be. J also showed me some pictures of her in secondary.

N was already pretty drunk [i assume, or she might’ve had bad memory] and kept on forgetting about me not going to school. they were both the loveliest people i’ve ever come across and i was literally ecstatic. i think they were both glad i came across them as well considering they related to not having any alt freinds at some point and how lonely it can feel. J kept on making sure i was okay with them drinking/smoking and asked if she was being a bad influence. i honestly don’t mind what people do around me, so. THEY WERE SO NICE AA I CANT BELIEVE I MET THEM!!!!

it started getting colder outside as the sky got darker and the music was super loud so J invited me to come up to her room with N. turns out that J is the grandchild of my neighbours. she lives in scotland, but comes down quite often to meet up with family. as for N, she lives in the same town as the grandad i last saw, where i got my evanescence and avril cd. before going upstairs, they both got another drink and once again, asked if i wanted anything. i haven’t really had alcohol in large amounts before so i said it would be cool to try vodka/coca cola. they asked if i was sure and we went up to get our drinks. after we made our way up to J’s room and all sat on her bed. we just spoke about random stuff while i tried getting used to my drink [i haven’t had vodka before i’m a loser i know]. J started playing some screamo/metal music but i didn’t get the opportunity to ask what band it was. [8:45pm]

we spoke about random stuff, more about what it’s like to have alt friends, cool alt clubs i could go to when i’m 18, that i can text/game with either of them if i’d like, and we exchanged instagrams. i didn’t get N’s but she said for me to ask J’s for it when i text her at home. this whole night i smiled more than i have in at least a year, not even overreacting. the last time i can remember being so full of just every positive emotion was when i got boris/my late cat, riley. and we got boris 4 years ago. N started getting the munchies and J suggested i should get something to eat because of me drinking. we went downstairs to the kitchen and J got be some crisps. she opened up about past eating issues while we were upstairs so she already knew that i’m nervy about eating too.

while we were there, this younger boy, one of the children that J and N were playing with earlier started filling a toy truck with popcorn and delivering it to people. meanwhile, J and N spoke to these other two girls. i’m pretty sure J mentioned that they’re her cousins, and that N is also really close with her family. i let them speak and we sat in the kitchen eating for a while. what we did after this is kind of a blur as this was when i was starting to get drowsy, but i’m almost certain we went back outside after eating. the music was somewhat louder and they were playing more singalong tracks. J and N got up on the dance floor bit [which is actually a really cool pateo, the floor is originally from a cobble road in london and my neighbour got it taken out and put in his garden.]

they were playing pitbull, oasis, kings of leon, the killers, etc. J could sense that i didn’t know what to do and didn’t want to watch them because that’d be weird, so she consensually pulled me up onto the dance floor. she put my hand in hers and we danced together. for oasis and the killers [possibly more, i cant remember] all of us, me, J and N danced together and interlocked arms/hands. i don’t think i’d ever felt that free or comfy in myself. like, i danced.. in front of tons of total strangers. i danced for what felt like forever [in a good way, i was loving it. i also don’t know if this is odd to say concidering our age difference, even though i only mean it in a platonic way, but it was nice to be held hands with and included with activities. i haven’t willingly engaged in any kind of physical touch in years [literally] as i really struggle with it and a few other things. but yeah, it felt really nice to be comforted by the holding of hands + dancing.]

all of us were leaning into eachother and swaying our hair and shaking our heads whenever any kind of beat dropped. we’d all come closer to eachother and sing at one another. after definitely over an hour of dancing and singing our hearts out, we were understandingly exhausted so J and N sat down on the outside chairs and smoked some more. we sat mostly in silence, while talking about how nice tonight had been/how fun dancing was [etc] every now and then. the music finishes and people started to pack up, so my parents signalled for us to head off. at this point, my sister had gone home absolutely ages ago to game with her friends. which is good in a way because otherwise she would’ve followed me around/found out about me drinking/and possibly told someone. shes reliable with secrets until she’s not, kind of thing.

we said our goodbyes, hugged and then walked across the side of the road home. we got back at approximately 12:20 and i attempted to process how much fun id had and the fact that i literally made FRIENDS. TWO FRIENDS. i’m quite literally overjoyed. and super excited to see them again. J’s mum seemed to like me and she [J] said that we’ll be able to meet up again, hopefully decently soon. i watched a patrick stump X pete wentz interview, had a 15 minute nap, and asked my questions about boris at 1 after my sister had gone to sleep. me and my mum got into an argument again [we usually do, it’s not really ever me and my dad that have a full on argument.] she got mad at me because she slipped up and said something implying that boris won’t be the slightest bit okay tomorrow so i freaked and started sobbing.

i finically finished at about 3 and cried over how loud and angry my mum was at me up until roughly 3:20. i shouldn’t really have been overwhelmed/sad concidering how much of a success the party ended up being, but i was just so terrified that boris wouldn’t be okay/awake in the morning and my mum wasn’t making it any better. i appreciate how annoying all of this is for the both of them, but she refused to try and understand/address my concern even after me explaining and my dad going through it aswell. she knows how paranoid i am over boris and she just ultimately told me she didn’t care [not exact words] and that i was trying to make myself scared/feel bad.

once coming downstairs, i tried to calm myself down, got undressed into my onesie, did my teeth, and then said goodnight to boris. i did this quite ‘late’ as i had to wait until id completely stopped crying because boris sometimes gets scared over the sound of crying/sniffling. i finished saying goodnight to him at nearly 4am. before i was about to go to sleep, boris welcomed himself into my room and crawled inside my clothing drawers. i started to get worried as i heard scratching and he wasn’t coming out, but he did soon enough and let me fuss him for a bit while he ate, before i got into bed. i went to sleep at 4:10 and eliminated the thought of even trying to write a bit of my journal as i was so tired. [that’s why this is draft, sorry lol]

🗝️ — boris/my cat, questions [about boris]/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he’s okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i’m hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.

have a good day/night O_o

[danikatze]

I just posted a redraw of Sachi and Matsu from the scene below and I suddenly have Thoughts about this. For context: Matsu gave a hairpin to Masa as thanks, because Masa previously said he thought it was beautiful and that his sister would love it. Masa then gave it to Sachi and told her Matsu had crafted it. Sachi now thinks that Matsu is trying to woo her, while she has a fiancé.

[ID in alt text]

And like, it's kind of a leap for her to think that: they've barely interacted and Masa was the one to give her the hairpin, not Matsu - he just made it. But it's not that big of a leap and considering that she's blushing like crazy and brings up her fiancé and stuff, you'd think that Matsu would, at some point in this conversation, realise what's going on. He's just as confused as Masa though lol.

And that's kind of unexpected, because I always pictured him as someone who is conscious of his charm and knows how to use it. But I'm starting to think that this is mainly reserved for business situations and that he has no (or barely any) such recognition when it comes to romance?

I mean it's canon that he doesn't know what to do with his own feelings, but not being able to recognise romantic intentions and/or assumptions in others towards him, if he doesn't intentionally plant those, is surprising and actually really cute and funny and sad. Sad because, judging by the information we get about him throughout the story, he dislikes himself so much that he can't imagine people liking him without him either putting up an act or being useful.

I've also often thought about what it means that he gave Masa the hairpin. It's heavily implied that he made the hairpin for his ex, probably in case they ever managed to meet again and make up. He knows full well that, in his absence, she married a man who has accepted Matsu's child as his own. Still he hasn't been able to let her go, while he was the one who left her.

Then the whole kidnapping fiasco that Masa saved him from took place, and things happened that made him accept that he can never go back to her and their child. And understandably, he'd want to get rid of the thing that symbolises his inability to move on. Masa just saved his life and he said he liked the hairpin so. There ya go.

But like, there has got to be some significance in that. I'm not saying it's a grand romantic gesture toward Masa (although thinking about it, I love the idea that sometime in the future Matsu realises that he gave the hairpin to someone he would end up loving at least as much as the person he originally made it for :3), but the thing is: he could also have sold it. And he didn't because he's not the cold, pragmatic businessman he might like people to think he is. The hairpin has emotional significance and he wants to give it to someone who is worthy of it.

And, I dunno, I think love is stored in things, in a way, and sometimes people can.. sense that. So maybe it's not so strange that Sachi thought it was a proclamation of love.