#i realized i really like how this secondary looks lol

[moonrisecoeur]

carnage — leon kennedy

author’s note: this is a secondary piece to apathy, another fic of mine!! that fic was mostly a vent fic, as i wrote it to kinda soothe myself and my own worries about how i feel as a person. however!! this fic was requested to be significantly darker and sadder, so if you don’t vibe with that, then i have good news for u !! leon and reader actually lived happily ever after in that universe!! the original intent of that fic is that the reader just has the self perception of a bad person but is actually not at all!! but this fic… is not that haha.. 

author’s note: if you see typos, no you don’t. they’re not real. this fic is... really messy. i'm kinda ashamed but i've been working on it so long that i need to just post it lol.

word count: 5.3k 

content: leon x reader, sub!leon, dom!fem!reader, angst angst angst, biting, hickieys, riding, choking, leon gets lightheaded and passes out, violent language. there's also a reference to a scene from apathy but from more of leon's recollection and memory! :)

warning: this fic is dark content, containing the topics and depictions of emotional abuse, manipulation, love-bombing ish, narcissistic reader, along with dubcon as reader doesn’t listen when leon expresses a boundary around choking. 

—

notes:

“you’re killing me here,” he says, a soft tone to his gravel-like voice. he is tired, exasperated. you are ripping him apart, stealing any sense of joy from his aching soul. he gives and gives and gives and he doesn’t know how much longer he has in him before you…  before maybe he admits that you were right. maybe you would ruin him.

you don’t know the half of it, you think. maybe i will really kill you one of these days.

—

leon is growing.. tired of you. 

not really. that’s a lie. he loves you dearly, so much that it kills him. you refuse to open up to him and he respects your boundaries. he just can’t keep begging you to let him in. he can’t do this forever. 

he’s not mad that you’re closed off, that you’re a loner and you’re introverted. he accepts you for what you are. he loves you regardless, but can’t you see this hurts him? can’t you at least make an attempt to make him feel better? pushing him away only hurts him, and why did you agree to a relationship if you knew that all you were going to do is hurt him? 

he supposes you warned him. that beautiful night that he convinced you to let him stay in your heart. he looks back at that moment, how you looked close to tears, pushing him back, telling him that you’ll ruin him and anything else you touch, and all he could think about is how badly he wanted to kiss you, to hold you close and wipe away the tears of frustration. he’s fond of that moment, when you decided to stay with him. when you said you’d take your time, move slowly, but you’d eventually let him in. he just had to be patient.

but its been months, and leon hates being wrong, but he might have been that night. 

–

leon’s always seen the good in you. he admires how gentle and sweet you are. you say it’s just a facade, and you know what? he doesn’t believe you. he knows you’re trying to protect yourself, but you’re lying. the version of you that you think is the real you is actually the facade. he knows it. he believes it, believes in you.

“i will begin to despise you if i let you in, you realize that, right?” you said to him that night, and he just shook his head, smiling. he adores you, almost amused at how you were making yourself out to be an awful monster in hopes he’d have understood that he could never fix you.

“and i will adore every moment of your resentment,” he said, and then followed it up with a whisper, under his breath, one you might not have heard, “i will let you ruin me.”

your touch is lethal, that much he’s certain of. he knows you’re not trying to hurt him, he’s convinced it's not in your nature to be intentionally cruel, “i won’t get better. i won’t change for you. this is what you’re stuck with.”

but what was he supposed to do? listen to you? heed your warning? he’s too foolish, too lovesick.

“it’s okay,” he reassures, reciprocating your harsh touch with his gentle one, fingertips making acquaintances with the way your skin feels in his grasp, the warmth of your touch. he’s starting to feel like this beautiful monster in front of him is a lot more human than she feels, “i like you as you are.”

-

leon doesn’t quite remember when you got so overbearingly possessive. maybe you were a little controlling, a little too demanding. it didn’t really make sense because anytime he tried to be possessive over you, you hated it. you certainly weren’t clingy. leon learned to control the instinct, the one that screamed in his head that you were his.  he gets it. you’re independent, not exactly into the jealous boyfriend type, sure. it only hurts his ego a little bit. 

he doesn’t really even remember when your behavior started going downhill. it was just like.. one day, he woke up, and you had left. not actually, you were just outside, but it feels symbolic somehow. he calls your name, and you don’t answer. he takes a couple steps closer, but he gets this eerie feeling he’s stepping into dangerous territory. he wonders if he should turn back, give you some time and let your soul come back to your body. 

“i don’t love you,” you said to him that day. 

it shattered him momentarily, but he knew your ways. he was aware of how you act and talk, your bluntness didn’t even surprise him anymore. he learned not to try and fight you on this stuff anymore.

that’s not true.. is what he wanted to say.

“…since when?” is what he actually ended up saying. 

you sigh, “i don’t know. i just woke up today and i realized i didn’t love you anymore.”

“do you… feel love for someone else?” he asks, but that’s not what he’s really asking. leon would never believe you if you said you cheated on him. you don’t even like people. you could count on your hand the amount of people you liked to talk to. 

leon maintains being one of them, of course. how could he believe that you made a connection with another man when you can only tolerate him? 

so, what he’s really asking is ‘do you… feel anything right now?’. sometimes emotions go away. sometimes you find yourself sitting outside in the early morning even though it’s cold and you’re shivering, wondering why you don’t love your boyfriend anymore. 

he puts his jacket over your shoulders. that feels symbolic somehow too.

it usually passes, but there’s something so final in your tone. like… for the first time, leon was worried you’re being truthful. he was worried you didn’t love him.

he had every reason to be. you used to pull away and then come right back to him, and now… you almost seem to resent him. crazy, it’s almost like you said this would happen. he hates that he was wrong about you, he hates that you were right. 

you flinch away when he touches you sometimes. your words are harsher than usual, more venomous, more lethal. you’re slipping away from him, you’re running away, and he’s begging for you to come back to him. just come back to him.

and even now, he looks at you and you aren’t the girl he fell in love with. but maybe you never changed. maybe he has just been blind. 

maybe you were exactly who you said you’d be. 

did you even want him? or would you get off anyway on taunting him?

did he mean anything to you?

-

“i am your… sculpture. your muse. i am everything you made me to be,” he says softly, one day during a vicious argument (only one of you is truly venomous), his eyes still red from the tears you made him spill, “if you do not like me, or if you don’t like what i’ve become, it is your own fault. i am only what you… did to me.”

he says pretty words that tug on your heartstrings if only to get some kind of empathy out of you. you’d normally scoff, spitting at him that he was a broken mess before you fixed him up, made him useful to somebody. 

“you act like i ruined you. like i made you worse. i did not drag you down with me. we were both broken. both disasters who just wanted to be loved,” you know you’re bullshitting just for pity points. doesn’t change the face that leon almost falters. almost gives in, lets you win. you were right, in a way. you were just being intentionally oblivious. 

“me wanting to be loved was… so much different. i wanted to be cherished and…held dear to you. you wanted a trophy that would make you feel better about yourself.”

“i am not the monster you say i am,” you scowl, finally he sees your harshness, your cruelty, and your dismissiveness in full force. how was he so blind?

“you’re right…” he says, “you… are so much worse.”

“then push me off of you, make me leave,” you groan, pinning him down like a caged animal. 

“i’m not… i..” i stutters, looking up the ceiling, “oh my god..”

“i am the only god you get to call out for,” you say as you press kisses to his collarbone, “i hold that power over you. i am your god.”

“i won’t worship you anymore,” he gasps, but his hands reach up to hold your hips, latching onto you for support and intimacy, like you are everything he’s ever needed and he despises you for it, “not what you’ve become. i can’t accept this…. version of you.”

“this is me, leon,” your voice is distant. resigned. he’s given up on you. and you’ve given up on him. 

so why do you demand his reverence so desperately? if you didn’t want him to run, why didn’t you treat him right in the first place?

“i love you, you know,” he says, tears pricking at his eyes, “i am just your design, molded to how you wanted me, but you designed me to love you… so that’s what i do.”

“i didn’t ask you to destroy yourself for me.”

“but i did anyway,” he closes his eyes, breathing ragged, “but i did and i did it because i loved you. i did it so that maybe one day you wouldn’t run away from me if i loved you too much. i.. i don’t act overbearing or clingy like i am inside because i am horrified of you leaving me. if i try too hard, if i want you too much, if am too desperate for your company… i will lose you. i can’t live with that.”

“then why do you call me worse than a monster? if you need me so badly?”

“because i..  i wanted you to destroy me and build me anew. recreate me in your image so you could have exactly what you wanted. make me exactly what you wanted!” he’s desperate for you to understand, but you never will. you don’t know desperation like he does, “i.. i just made the naive assumption that you would love your creation more than you loved what i used to be. that somehow.. if i let you ruin me, you’d finally love me.”

“i do love you,” you whisper, voice heavy with a tragedy you are all too familiar with.

“no… you don’t love anyone,” he bites, his teeth grazing his own lip like he would draw his own blood, “not even yourself. you’re incapable.”

“then it is your fault..” you say, cruelty laced into your voice, but how could you not be cruel when leon’s finally biting back? “you did this to yourself. you ruined yourself for someone you knew couldn’t love you.”

he feels broken. betrayed. how is this his fault? how could you hate him so intensely? how could you want him to suffer? do you enjoy watching him suffer? is that the only way he can make you happy anymore?

is that the only thing you want from him? his suffering? his tears?

does he give that to you? just… as one final way to make you happy? he’d ruin himself again and again to please you if you said so.

he’d give you anything.

you push him down, and he stumbles back onto the bed, looking up at you nervously. he notices the look in your eyes, the look of possession, you see him like an object or a toy. maybe he is. a trophy. you look at him like he’s something that makes you feel proud to carry around. leon kennedy. he’s a survivor, he's a killer, been through literal hell on earth. yet… your hands on him make him feel weak. he feels like he’s 21 again, on that bridge holding onto the last girl that dug her nails into his heart. 

“you’re fucking mine,” you growl in his ear, and he gasps and shudders, when did you get so close to him? you can’t put your hands on him like this, you can’t do this, his mind will go numb to the pain you cause and suddenly he’ll be held beneath you, inescapably yours. 

“you.. you need to… oh my god..” he was so close to saying it. so, so close. he tries so hard to push you away. to get you off of him. not in a way that he couldn’t stop you if he really didn’t want this. but that's just it; he’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t want you for his own sake.

you make it so hard to hate you, truly. 

“you’re mine,” you growl in his ear, your nails digging into him like claws of a predator into its most delicious prey, “i own you. say that back to me.”

he cries like a baby, hating that he was naive enough to believe that the devil could love him, she could never love him and he could never please her enough to make her stay, “i’m yours, and.. and you own me,” he says, sniffling. he buries his head into the pillow. you push him, hold him down like he’s your captive. he might as well be. 

“and that means i own your pretty body, doesn’t it?” you smirk, god this control over him has always been addicting. you.. really own him.

“y-yeah..” 

“that means i can do whatever i want with you, doesn’t it? i can break you in every way possible, like a girl scribbling on and cutting the hair of her barbies. you don’t exist outside of me, outside of my pleasure.”

-

“fuck, you’re so hot when you’re sad..” you groan as you press kisses to his hip, and he didn’t even realize you had gotten his shirt off and his pants pulled down. he must have dissociated again. he sighs, upset but unable to will himself up to stop you.

at least you’re trying to please him, he supposes. your hands wandering all over him makes him feel alive, but he wonders if you’re imagining wrapping your hands around his throat and squeezing until he stops moving. maybe you would take a liking to killing. 

or maybe it’s just because it’s leon. leon is your weak, pathetic boyfriend that you’ll play with like a ken doll until you’re bored of him, and then you’ll either put him out of his misery or leave him to rot. maybe murder is mercy for him. the worst part is he looks just like a ken doll, blue eyes and blonde hair, except he’s a bit more broken. a bit scarred. damaged. is that why you don’t want him? he’s not perfect enough?

and then it happens. 

everything stops, his breath catches in his chest, he flinches almost like he’s surprised you still had it in you, but you kiss him. it’s not possessive and dark and commanding like he expects, like he’s begun to tolerate, but it’s you. it’s your softness, hidden underneath, that gentle lover that he misses so desperately. she’s back. she’s real again. 

you rest your forehead against his as you pull away from the kiss, leon chasing your lips briefly before remembering this is your moment, at your pace, but he’s looking up at you like you put the stars in the sky, his eyes sparkling with magic and passion and hope he hasn’t felt in a while. 

“come back to me..” he whispers gently, “i miss you.”

“i.. know,” you frown, and leon can tell you feel guilty. you are the monster in his nightmares, but you are also his guardian angel, “i told you, leon-”

“i know you did, i- i don’t want to fight with you right now,” his eyes flutter closed as you press your lips to his forehead, god he feels so cared for in moments like these.

but he knows they’re not real. he knows this version of you isn’t real, that your love is a false pretense and he is a fool for being swept off his feet by such an obvious facade. a monster that loves you is still a monster.

and leon knows it. knows that you love him, despite his insecurities and doubts. maybe it was safer or easier to ponder whether or not you loved him, to listen to you when you said you didn’t, instead of realizing that you did… just not enough.

he feels your grasp on his waist, the way your hands and mouth ravage his body. he knows you’re possessive, but it still shocks him how truly cruel you are. 

“please…” he whimpers, “be gentle with me..”

“ah, leon.. survived the apocalypse but can’t handle his girlfriend biting him a little too hard..” you chuckle, and it’s soft and you’re being sweet with him again and everything is okay. 

“don’t be like that, come on. it still hurts,” his voice is shaky, making you smile. such a sadist.

“don’t be such a baby,” you tease.

“just- okay, fine, but i don’t want any hickies or bite marks or anything. n-not anywhere visible, at least,” he stumbles when your fingertips drag across his collarbone, “please, baby. i need to hide them, my… my coworkers will get worried.”

he sees it in your eyes. mercy. begging always saved him.

“hmm… open your mouth,” you say, and he’s not even trying to follow the command, but the surprises causes his jaw to drop slightly, and you lean closer, before spitting directly into his mouth. 

your saliva tastes like your favorite flavor of gum, and leon smiles as he recollects that fact. it’s sweet of you to only do something like that to him when it wouldn’t be entirely unpleasant. maybe you didn’t think it out that far, but he likes to think you did. he wants to think you were considerate. he groans as he swallows it without even having to ask, almost sounding dehydrated, like you are his lifeline. 

your intentions, while a tad bit humiliating, are not cruel. but again, you’re showing possession. leon is yours to do whatever you please with. it’s marking your territory, in a way.

“thank you..” he shudders, hands clutching your arms, keeping you close. he’s not truly grateful, but he’s learned his place. 

“you’re welcome,” your tone is condescending, but leon’s thoughts are too far away to realize that. all he knows how to do anymore is be obedient.

a brief silence settles for a moment, as you rest atop of him, gazing at him like a predator does their next meal. 

“do you… want to fuck me now?” he asks awkwardly, cringing at how completely uncool he is. 

maybe someone else would laugh at his lack of charisma, but you just smile softly. 

“is that what you want?” in truth, he does want this. he does want you. and he prides himself on giving you whatever you want, everything, absolutely anything. it’s too bad all you know how to do is take.

he sighs, feeling heavy-hearted and drained. he can’t pinpoint why, “i love you. do whatever you want.”

you blink, and he wonders for a moment if you feel guilty again, but part of him can tell you’re not.

you narrow your eyes. he seems.. broken down by this point. honestly, ‘broken down’ might not exactly be the right wording. ‘broken in’ might be more appropriate. like a pair of boots that are only comfortable once you rough them up a little. 

it’s at that moment that he realizes the softness he saw in you just now is fading away rapidly, replaced again by the monstrous beast that is his darling lover. at least she’s familiar now. it’s his fault. you are exactly who you said you were. he should have believed you. 

he thinks this is it, that this is the last time he’ll get to have you before you leave him. you steal all of his sunshine like a parasite, robbing him of all of his life energy and taking it for yourself. the only way you can feel whole anymore is to take leon apart and use him for everything his mortal body and soul has to offer. 

he remembers being the light in your life, cheering you up when you were down. you were his moon, and he shined his light onto you like the sunlight gives way to moonlight. 

but that isn’t real anymore. you aren’t the damaged but loving person he used to know. 

“are you… going to leave after?” he asks. he’s pouting ever so slightly but he doesn’t realize it.

you just gaze at him, eyes soft but knowing, and he can’t help but crying. he tries so hard not to be clingy or ‘too much’. makes himself less and less to make you comfortable. 

“please don’t leave me,” he cries, “please, i can’t bear to think about it. my… my love, please..”

part of him feels like if he lets you leave again, you won’t ever come back.

he can’t understand why he’s so desperate for you to stay. he feels your hand around his neck as you lean in close to kiss his shoulder, you don’t squeeze but your presence is known and feared just like you like it, your other hand falling lower and lower until… 

leon can’t fathom just how wrong he was about you, about everything in general, but what hurts the most is putting the timeline together. it starts with him realizing he loved you. you realizing you loved him. the gentle, sweet months he got to spend with you. sure, you were unconventional, but he’s not the nuclear family type either. 

to him realizing you didn’t love him, actually. 

to then realizing that you did love him, but not enough to change for him. that one hurt the most.  knowing that you’ll always choose your comfort over him.

and to finally coming to terms with the fact that your love is strong and real but it is rotten, that you and your heart are corrupting him and made something tragic out of him. 

he sighs, letting it all happen. he might as well let you have what you want. he feels your hand rubbing against the fabric of his pants over his crotch, teasing him. 

he’s almost happy you’re using him one last time for sex. it’ll give him something to distract his mind from the sadness that’s creeping into his heart.

“i think… my boy needs to feel good.. so he can stop thinking sad thoughts..” your free hand pulls his sweats down and feel him up over his boxers, and he hates that he’s getting hard. that he likes this. he likes being taken by the big, bad monster.

he lets you touch him, lets you strip him down both metaphorically and physically, until he’s bare, a blank canvas ready to be ruined. he has literal scars from bites that drew blood, teeth bared into his skin like you’re trying to consume him alive. 

maybe you are.

this isn’t intimate sex between two lovers. this is carnage. this is ravaging, taking what is rightfully yours. it may not be violence in its usual form, but you are no less deadly. 

you really can’t help yourself when you have the urge to grab his throat, can you? hold his life in your hands, why don’t you?

he wants to make love to you, to hold you close like he used to, fuck you until your mind let go of its need to be in control, to be apathetic and composed and cold and just let you be the soft soul he knows is in there, fucking somewhere in there. 

instead of that, he gets something completely different. claiming. ownership. you mark your territory like an violent dog, biting and scratching and ruining him until everyone else in his life got the hint that he wasn’t allowed to play with anyone else. 

you’re violently possessive, that’s the only way he can put it. and even now, when he should be kissing you and moaning in your ear about how good you feel around his cock, how perfect you are for him, how he wants to be good for you, exactly what you want in your man, he.. can’t. 

all he can do is whine and whimper like an injured puppy. 

instead of kissing you, he’s begging for mercy. instead of making love to you, he’s lost in a daze of pain, mixed in with the pleasure of his cock buried inside of you. your teeth fucking hurt when you bite him like a damn vampire. just like the last time you were in a possessive mood, you bite him hard enough to make him bleed.

“i… i love you,” he whimpers after the fact, his voice is shaky like he’s desperate, “i love you but you’re… i don’t like it when you’re like this”

“who do you belong to?” you ask, suddenly. 

it feels unrelated, but even though leon’s eyebrows furrow at the question, he responds, like it’s an instinct, or rather more it’s a response he’s gives hundreds of times, “you. it’s.. always gonna be you.”

“… i love you too, you know. sometimes i think you don’t believe me,” rich coming from the ‘i don’t love anybody’ girl, he thinks, “but i do. i’m always gonna love you. you just don’t like the way i love you.”

“because the way you love me is killing me.”

“i’m not a killer. you asked me to let you in. this is the real me, leon. if you don’t like what you see… then don’t look.”

“i do but i-”

“you wish you were the exception to the rule. you want to be the reason i change. honestly, leon? i’ll never get better. and i told you that months ago, but you never listened. you thought you could fix me.”

“you aren’t broken,” he whispers.

“then why do you insist on changing me?” 

he scoffs, “that’s rich coming from you.” he knows you’ll get annoyed at him for his sass, but he can’t help it. you’re a violent hypocrite and he adores you, but he can’t ignore the irony of you feeling forced to change.

you tighten your grip on his neck, and he should have told you months ago but he hates being choked. brings up old memories that he’d rather not remember. he doesn’t really know why he lets you do it, why he tolerates it. maybe it’s because you seem so pleased to be in control of his life like that. he can’t afford to piss you off too much. you might like murder a little too much. 

“why do you insist on fixing me?” you ask again. loosing up your grip to let him talk.

“i… i never wanted to fix you. i just wanted you to love me. i wanted… to make you happy.”

he lets out the cutest gasp when you finally use your free hand to pull his cock free, not even bothering to pull his boxers down all the way.

“awh, you’re still so soft, baby. do you not want me?” you taunt him, and he quickly tries to reassure you, shaking his head. 

“n-no! i do! i want you, just.. just give me a second..” he stutters helplessly, but his voice gives out when you lean down to kiss his hip bone, and then your lips trail down lower and lower, adoring his thighs with the remnants of your lip gloss, “oh god…”

he’s pretty. pretty like a prey animal. 

you decide that maybe its not fair to him that he’s almost butt naked and you’re still fully clothed, so you undress too. leon appreciates that you do it to please him. 

“i… you’re so fucking pretty,” he whimpers, begging you to kiss him again. can he just pretend like you’re making love? instead of… whatever this is? 

his cock isn’t super big, so it’s not hard to fit inside, especially since he’s just barely getting hard. seeing your body was enough to get him going. he likes everything about you. every beauty mark or mole or freckle, every scar and each divot and curve, he adores you.

your smile isn’t appreciative. it is greedy. avaricious. you.. need more of him. 

“you feel… so perfect inside of me..” you groan, the grip on his neck tightening as he obediently rocks his hips up to fuck you. his hands grasp at the sheets, white knuckles displaying how tense he feels. 

a shaky, almost fearful moan escapes his throat, “please.. please don’t squeeze that hard.”

again, leon doesn’t like being choked.. so many times he’s almost been killed, and yet… you don’t seem to care. you don’t squeeze hard enough to make him pass out, but he’s getting lightheaded, so much so that you’re having to pick up the slack of bouncing on his cock since he’s unable to keep pace. he just lays there helplessly while you steal away his life.

“leon..” you tease, holding in a giggle, and trying to stir his attention, but his eyes get cloudy and he can’t focus on you, can’t look you in the eye meaningfully.

all he can respond with is a half-hearted attempt at a ‘huh?’. it’s honestly kind of cute how easily fucked out he gets. you ease up, and he breathes deeply for the first time in a couple minutes, gasping out ‘thank you’s like you just saved his life instead of almost killing him. 

“i’m sorry you got stuck with someone like me, baby,” you murmur, you’re not really sorry. tears fall down his cheeks, and you lean down to lick them up like a dog drinks her water. he cringes, disgusted at the feeling, but you own him so intrinsically.. how could he ever stop you from doing exactly what you wanted to him? this was your world. he just lived in it.

—

leon wakes up the next morning, expecting to be alone in your shared bedroom after you had left. you’re not completely awful, you clean him up and bandage any cuts after you finished with him… and leon realizes he doesn’t exactly remember anything after you choking him a little too aggressive, he must have passed out. did he cum even while unconscious? he’s almost impressed.

he doesn’t remember you leaving, just the looming thought in his mind that you will leave. there was no doubt about it.

you’re not there, clearly, and he doesn’t hear you anywhere in the bathroom or in the kitchen. the silence is deafening. 

maybe you’re on a walk to clear your head? 

maybe… you’re really gone.

but your stuff is still at home, so he thinks you might still stay. he cant decide if that’s a good thing. sure, he can’t exist without you, so codependent it’s pathetic, but… you’re not exactly good for him. maybe it’d do him some good to pull himself together and get over you. if he even can.

he loves you. helplessly. desperately. but you love his pain more than you love him. that’s the truth and there’s no denying that. you are.. exactly who you said you’d be. it’s his fault for not believing you.

[silverskye13]

I am turning EB around in my head like a microwave and I have a couple questions:

What is EB and EX's relationship like? I know they view each other as family and EX gets EB's booth, but will we see how they interact more?

Did anyone wind up telling EB that hels!zedaph is dead? If not, does he have suspicions that he is?

and a more general Hels question (that is totally not related no siree) - what is the upkeep for the remembrance walls like?

EB and EX are on friendly terms! They previously saw each other,,, not as rivals in the traditional sense. They didn't openly attack or oppose each other. But EB viewed EX as a challenge: How do I stay distinct from my brother's shadow? Anyone looking for it would find it obvious. EB got Bigger and Louder whenever EX was around, and he used to be much bigger and much louder than he currently is. It's less that he was mean, and more that he was prideful. Becoming friends with Helsknight changed him for the better in that regard. Since he's mellowed out, he and his brother have become closer. They enjoy visiting with each other during Colosseum matches [EB will often stand with EX in the box and talk both before the events, and during intermission] and EX invites EB to a lot of parties, where they shit talk the guests together. We'll see them together once during RnS, but EB is a secondary character, and outside of the one appearance, I don't intend to have EX very involved in the story. He's kind of the unspoken god of the world: he gets a lot of mentions because he's very important to hels, but he's not very important to the plot lol.

Someone did wind up telling EB about hels!zedaph, though yes, he did suspect before he was told. EB hadn't gone looking for HZ for a reason. He didn't want to be the one to find out he was gone. If I can't see it, maybe its not really there.

And the Remembrance Wall Ramble got long so its under the cut!

[Hello future me cutting in here because I just realized you were probably talking about what individuals like EB would do to upkeep a name of a loved one. Mostly it involves regular visits. Keeping the stone clean, replacing it if it gets cracked, making sure it doesn't wear down. Nether bricks to me are a bit brittle, and the ones on the bottoms of the walls will crumble and break down over time. Most of the time, the Order of Remembrance is pretty good at getting them replaced, though they encourage individuals to do it themselves, to decorate the stones, paint or carve them, and overall keep the care personal. People will also sometimes leave gifts of food, flowers, and favored items at walls where loved ones names are kept. Walls are very colorful spots in hels, full of a lot of care.]

The Remembrance walls are, basically, graveyards. Alongside friends and family, who will make sure loved ones names are put down and remembered, the Order of Remembrance manages all Remembrance Walls in the city. We'll get into it a little in the upcoming chapters, but the Order of Remembrance church, and its knights, have a very active presence in hels. They are the cloaks seen most often roaming the streets, in twos and threes. They have regular routes they walk, with walls they are assigned to tend. They make sure the stones are stacked straight and don't fall, replace broken ones, and help people carve names. Many knights have prayer chants where they intentionally try to memorize every name on the wall. Their focus is on the idea that no helsmet is truly gone as long as some memory remains of them. They welcome helsmets approaching them with fond memories of loved ones, and will take testimony from people who know their time is coming. Their church is a glorified library and house of memorization. Part of their worship in remembrance of people is also in the remembrance of history, and they have at least one copy of every book, memoir, and journal in hels they can get their hands on. They have one private collection in the church, and one public library in hels, which they regularly update with copies of originals from the church library.

The only place outside the Order of Remembrance's domain is the shady side of town where Cleo's gangs keep the peace. For control reasons, Cleo doesn't like any opposing force on her claimed land, which includes Order of Remembrance knights. She does still have Remembrance Walls on her side of town, but they are up-kept by the people that live there as a community project. People get together once every few weeks, make food, talk about those that are gone, and make sure none of the stones are broken or stolen.

Erasing memory is a big taboo in hels, understandably. The universe is already cruel enough in taking people, and people, once taken, are woefully easy to forget [they were never meant to exist in the first place, after all]. On the sides of town where the Order of Remembrance upkeeps the walls, anyone caught stealing or destroying stones is tracked down by their paladins, and subjected to community service under close supervision. They're often roughed up in the process, but the paladins won't kill you for breaking a stone. Depending on whose stone you break, and how angry hels is that day, the same can't be said for anyone else who catches you. Repeat offenders, or people who destroy many stones at once with the express intent of erasing memory, are branded by the Order with a mark somewhere visible, normally on the hands. Anyone with that unlucky brand will see increased hostility from their peers, ostricization, lost of livelihood and home -- it's a great way to make everyone in hels hate you. Anyone on Cleo's side of town caught destroying a stone is hunted actively in the streets, and leaving her side of town will not save them. She offers high bounties for that kind of thing.

[lurkingshan]

Hii, hope you're doing well!! I've been meaning to check out more c-dramas. I've never really watched any, but I keep seeing them on my dash and want to start giving some a shot since I watch every other type of drama (BL or otherwise lol). I saw you post often about c-dramas, so I wanted to ask if you had any other recs besides Tender Light (which I'm planning on watching when it's done)? I'm more curious about c-dramas in general rather than any specific genre, since I'm so new to them

Hello, thank you for the ask! I'm glad my obsessive Tender Light posting has got you curious about cdramas. Some of my all time favorite dramas are from Mainland China, and I would be happy to share some recs! Since you are looking for a general sense, I am just going to give you a sampling of some of my personal favs.

Tender Light

Obviously I will be taking this opportunity to talk up this drama some more, which will be ending its run this weekend. This is, hands down, my favorite drama of the year and easily going on my top 10 dramas of all time list. It's one of the most gorgeous and precise and unflinching pieces of media I have ever seen. This is definitely one for people who love smart mystery writing, dark themes (I mean this for real, if you have a lot of triggers ask for CWs), and explorations of the human condition. It will be staying with me for a long time.

Go Ahead

Another of my all time favs (and with cast crossover from Tender Light), this is a family drama that digs deep on the meaning of family, finding your people, and resilience through intergenerational trauma. I love it so so much (I am actually rewatching it right now).

Lighter & Princess

A fantastic romance and owner of a coveted spot on the ride or die drama couples list. In this story you get to watch these two fall in love twice, first in college and then as adults, and both times it's epic.

Reset

How about a time loop thriller? This is one of the best I have ever seen, and its relatively short run keeps it tight and tense all the way through. There's a romance in this one, too, but kissing is definitely secondary to finding their way out of this death trap.

The Rebel Princess

Let's dip our toe into historicals! Granted, I still have plenty of gaps in my historical cdrama watch list (there are just so many and they're so long, I am doing my best people!) but this remains my all time favorite to date. It's epic, it's shockingly well written and paced for its length, the characters are excellent and compelling all around, and it has one of my all time favorite male leads and drama couples (another from the ride or die list!). Don't let the episode number intimidate you, it will fly by much faster than you think.

The Untamed

You watch bl so I am assuming you already know about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, but just in case I will also include this drama as a much watch. It's likely the best live action danmei we will ever get.

Love Between Fairy and Devil

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a show put all your favorite fanfic tropes in a blender, cast beautiful people to act them out, and put them in lavish costumes? Well, here is your answer.

Love and Redemption

This one's for us angst with a happy ending girlies. An epic love story with lots of pining and struggle and strife, and it's so worth it.

Falling Into You

Back to the modern era, this is a classic sports drama with a noona romance. Very unassuming but full of charm and very well executed.

Fake It Till You Make It

An unusually mature take on adult romance from a cdrama, this one is about two career focused permasingle love skeptics who meet, realize they actually like each other, and try to figure out what the hell to do with that. I love it a lot.

That should be enough to get you started! There are many many more recs to be had, so once you give some of these a try and figure out what you like, feel free to hit me up for more!

[cleromancy]

one thing i think people miss when trying to nail down the like nitty gritty of like-- okay. so post-crisis post-resurrection Jason's a hypocrite, right? and hes purposely fancast himself as the villain opposite bruce in utrh.

but also even while Jason's doing this he *has a point,* and he *knows it.* Jasons got a lot of big moral ideas hes spouting, and from what we see, he mostly only abides by *some* of them. so while you're like acknowledging that utrh/lost days jay is motivated by his emotions and doesn't act in ways that align with his moral principles, but also he *keeps bringing **up** those moral principles*, you start to wonder like. What the hell is going on in that big brain of yours jay.

and what i was getting at. the thing i think most people miss or forget when exploring that. is jasons appearance in outsiders 2003.

im looking through the tpb so im not giving you the exact issue numbers for any of these panels sorry but its 44-46 plus the annual.

but here is the crux of the matter:

cutting for length!!

so whats going on here in outsiders! is that black lightning, aka Jefferson pierce, aka anissa pierces dad and one of the few really good dads in the dcu, got (basically) framed for murder by deathstroke; believed he (accidentally) actually did the murder; eventually turned himself in to serve his time in prison.

jason happens across this information entirely by accident, and goes out of his way to deliver that information to dickie, who has an on-again off-again relationship with being the leader of the outsiders at this point in time. and im just going to post a lot of it, both bc i like it and also so you see what Jason was going against JUST TO DELIVER THIS INFORMATION:

skipping the first page to save images but jason asks dick to meet up with him in Gotham; the next pages:

im skipping a bit of really enjoyable fighting after that as well but pls know its there. jason asked dick to meet up and dick fully said okay ill come to your rendez-vous *just* to beat the shit out of you. and he was so valid for that. but this aint about him so lets get back to jason:

why does jason bring this up + how does Jason come by this information? well

ok. now youre as caught up as dick is.

some times fools and jackanapes say to me. but sisky why would jason do this and bring this information to dick. why would he try to break black lightning out of prison. why would he do such a thing when he is a known knave, neer do well, scoundrel, etc. to which i say HE TOLD YOU!!! HE TOLD YOU WHY HE DID IT

JASON FUCKING VALUES THE *GOOD GUYS.*

(and also sidenote. winick is writing this so we have to assume he knows how competent and resourceful jason can be bc... as the guy who defined the character after his resurrection... he *made him that way.* so based on utrh we have to assume both that 1) jason could have pulled this prison break off solo and 2) jason *knows* he could pull it off solo...

but he also knows he's a Bad Guy now, and he realizes that *if* he sprung black lightning hed just fucking! turn himself back in! so jadon needs to convince some big goddamn heroes to do it....

so he goes to dick.)

((and also secondary sidenote. willis todd canoncially spent enough time in and out of prison that jason assumed hed wound up back there without telling him or catherine before she died and jason wound up squatting, and he only found out otherwise when he read the entry on the batcomputer on two-face.))

the point is. jason has a *lot* of moral ideas he is not, at this point in time, capable of living by for a variety of Jason Reasons, ill do more meta on that some other time. so he's inhabiting the bad guy role, but sometimes he keeps slipping and falling and accidentally caring about things, and...

god damn it dick, black lightning is one of the *good* guys. like *you're* one of the good guys. aren't you going to fucking help him??

i will probably elaborate on this more in the future as well. i just need to hit send rn LOL

[octopotto]

Some Yandere Deuce Spade Headcanons

OCTO NOTE: Okay after reading @dark-side-blog3 yandere headcanons about Deuce, I was inspired to write something for him lol.

Ig this can count for his birthday as well lol.

Warnings: NOT-PROOF READ, yandere, Out of Character madness, bullying, mentions of violence, Deuce is an absolute dickhead at the start lol, inaccurate because I’m writing this by memory.

Reader is ALWAYS Gender-Neutral!

------------------------------

I couldn’t stop thinking about what would yandere! Deuce be like if you had met him PRIOR to the events of Twisted Wonderland. And how he would react to you also going to NRC as well.

I have no idea anyone else talked about this before, but imagine Deuce being a complete asshole, and you being the main target of his wrong-doings. Meaning Deuce doing ANYTHING to make your life a living hell.

Taking your lunch money, slapping your books out of your hands when you pass each other in the hallways, kicking the back of your ankle in gym class, causing you to fall down and making a fool of yourself in front of everyone.

Hell, he probably almost ran you over with his stupid blastcycle with his lackeys.

All that torment, all that humiliation you had to endure.

And it’s because Deuce wasn’t able to express his feelings towards you correctly. 

This stupid motherfucker thought the statement: “The more you hurt them, the more they’ll like you” was actually legit.

But eventually, you graduated middle school. It was like the weight on your shoulders disappeared. Because you’ll be moving far, far away from your hometown for secondary school. You’ll be attending Night Raven College, a prestigious school you got accepted in due to your hard work. 

A brand new start. 

Meaning no more bullying, no more suffering, no more head being stuck inside of a toilet bowl. 

And no more stupid Deuce Spade and his stupid lackeys with their stupid blastcycles.

No way he could’ve gotten accepted into a school like NRC.

You thanked whoever was watching you. You couldn’t wait to leave.

oof rip reader lol

Fast forward a few months later. You arrived at NRC and waited to be sorted into your dorm.

You’re so excited! New people meaning new friends! Not people who wanted to hurt you.

While waiting for the sort-ment, you couldn’t help but feel like someone was intensely staring at the back of your head.

And that feeling was right because when you turned around to check, you were met with dark blue eyes looking directly at you. 

You kept staring at each other for a moment before the person tensed up and looked quickly away after.

You raised your eyebrow. You bring your hand up to the back of your head. Was there something wrong?

You weren’t able to see the face of the person due to the large hood blocking the way. But then you paid no mind after a second, turning back around to the front.

Once Deuce saw you looked away from the corner of his eye, he then turned back to look at you again.

As soon as he saw the back of your head, it felt like the world stopped for a moment.

It’s you! It’s really you!

Oh how he wanted to approach you. How he wanted to apologize for everything he put you through, he wanted to tell you that he realized how much of an asshole he was, how he wanted to ask you so bad to be his friend, how he wanted to express everything he felt for you, how in the future—he hoped that you both could be more than just schoolmates.

Even when you caught him, he couldn’t help but keep staring at you. Oh how he missed you beautiful eyes. Thank goodness you decided not to put on your hood right now, or else he wouldn't been able to tell that was you!

How could he have ever hurt you? You’re absolutely adorable, you’re just incredible in general .

You even got into the same school as him! It was a surprise that he got in, but it wasn’t a surprise to see that you got accepted as well. He knew how smart you were.

I mean— you did all of his assignments…in middle school…after threatening to beat you up if you didn’t.

Deuce wanted to smack his forehead until there was a dent in it.

God, he has to say sorry to you. He did try to apologize before leaving for NRC, multiple times actually. But as soon as he reached the door of your house, he couldn’t help but freeze. He got scared and ran off.

But when he finally got the courage to say sorry, you already left for school. 

He was so depressed after that day. 

All he wants now is to become a better person! He wants to erase his entire delinquent past for the sake of his mother. Especially after overhearing his mothers conversation with his grandmother.

And that’s a promise he swore to!

And now since you're also attending NRC, that promise is locked in since you’re here with him. He now has all the time in the world to prove to you that he's a changed person now. He'll make sure not to screw up this time.

OCTO NOTE: You have no idea how long it took to find a Deuce GIF that didn't have Ace and Grim in it lmaoooo.

I might expand on this if anyone wants me to. But it would have to be after I release a few more fics I wanted to do.

Thank you!

[nyaagolor]

got any hcs about like. right after area zero/the final boss and how it affected all four

Ok tbh I have brainrotted about that so hard I basically made a secondary canon. It's actually embarrassing lol. Anyway.

Arven is so beyond exhausted that he goes to his room and crashes. Sleeps for like 16 hours straight hugging Mabosstiff tight. He's so shell-shocked that it takes him a few days to process what happened at all, at which point shit absolutely hits the fan for him and he breaks down. Luckily by that time Clavell finds out and they get him hooked up with a therapist. He doesn't wanna go, but his friends are very encouraging

Everyone realizes they need to at least TRY to be discreet about this, so Nemona and the protagonist go back to classes to try and pretend like nothing happened (it doesn't work, and the protagonist spills the beans to Clavell). Penny, who wasn't going to class anyway, stays behind to look after Arven and hangs out in one of their rooms for a few days

She's more than ok with lounging around and not talking to people for a few days, plus she feels really bad about making fun of Arven's parental situation to his face. Her Sylveon is trained as an emotional support animal so it's really good for him too. She's keeping a close eye on him for any signs he's not doing well, and keeps him stocked with stim toys, snacks, tv shows, and whatever else she can scrounge from her packrat paradise of a dorm room

Nemona throws herself into battles, but it's obvious her mind is elsewhere. She goes to really dangerous locations, getting into reckless fights and coming back all torn up. Her student council buddies and teachers are REALLY worried about her, but she refuses to tell anyone what's wrong and buries herself in work

Everyone seems like they're doing ok, because Arven goes numb, Penny is isolationist, and Nemona is going to bury any sign of "weakness" until she dies. Meanwhile Arven is staring at the wall for hours while petting Mabosstiff, Penny is having a panic attack in her bathroom, and Nemona is This Close to losing it at any given moment. I think they try and keep it in until Clavell actively approaches them about it at which point they all break down and the adults step in to take a more active role in helping them cope and heal

TDLR: Badly. They handle it badly.

[verysium]

i so so agree w the sae takes!! additionally to what u said i feel like that mf can also be an emotional hypocrite to himself sometimes. especially about the reliability and independence thing. if the relationship is at a stage where thing are not fully figured out i feel like he'd struggle a lot. sae always told himself that he could only be w someone who is as independent as he is and doesn't want anyone slouching on him and you seemed perfect. you are chill and easy to get along with. you dont really expect him to go out of his comfort zone to please you. but sometimes that made him feel frustrated yk. he wants you to rely on him sometimes because he's you're boyfriend after all. he gets mad when u don't want to accept the expensive gift he got you because why wouldn't you he's your boyfriend after all. he gets angry when you dont get mad at him and ignore him for a while like girlfriends usually do for cancelling a plan last minute because of some match ot training. he gets pissed when you dont insist on going to a place you offered to go and he told you he was busy. why won't your anger go beyond an "oh ok" ? he's your boyfriend after all. right? with time all of this makes him feel insecure (he doesnt know he feels insecure, he just has a weird feeling thats all he knows) and all that irritation that he feels, he feels inside and maybe you can tell or maybe you cant but in the end of the day he doesn't communicate his feelings. and that's why he feels like that. also i think sae is not that emotionally mature as the fandom mostly paints him out to be. he's just not visbly reactive and doesn't understand half the shit he's feeling. but when you guys confront each other and he finally communicates -even if its just a little- you guys find a way to balance it. you understand each other. wich of course takes a while w a mf who has the emotional intelligence of a door but it's ok I still love him. btw sorry for rambling my god this is so long 😭🙏

🫡 yup. u hit every single point. tbh your nonchalant attitude is the wake-up call for sae. he finally realizes that he's actually in love with u cus why else would he be so worked up over your reactions? he tries so hard to act like he doesn't care, but then when you do the same, he's like: wait come back i actually do care. his personality is very contradictory largely because he doesn't know what he wants when it comes to love. romantic feelings have always been secondary to him, and it's rather unfamiliar territory compared to football. and we all know how sae tends to stick to what he's innately good at.

i also agree with you on the emotional maturity part. rin can sometimes work out what he's feeling and find ways to address it. with sae, it flies completely over his head. he has no idea what his emotions are. he just knows that he's feeling them, and somehow that pisses him off lol.

honestly, his internal struggle is somewhat endearing to me. he'd complain about how romantic couples do this and that for each other (as if he's not one of them), but then when he's alone, he's the biggest sentimental sap out there. like did u see the soft look in his eyes when he reunited with rin again during the u-20 arc? we get it sae. u missed ur brother and ur not very subtle about it. *sigh* he's so stupid. i love him so much.

[iinryer]

If you could come up with the storylines for each Lone Star character (not Owen) for the next season, what would they be?

OH THIS IS A GOOD ONE… (not owen) made me laugh thank you. this didn’t end up being Quite what you asked but here are my hopes for s5!:

marjan is easy: comphet realization to lesbian arc. I don’t even need them to give her a gf i just want them to Address The Closeted Lesbianism they’ve been handing me over the past four seasons. i want salim to come back (in person or in conversation) for the rule of threes and have it force her to reckon with a lot of assumptions she had about herself. im on my hands and knees about it. I’ve been rewatching with a friend recently and i fucking forgot that they have her say a line about how her favorite place to hide as a kid was the closet. remember those new bts photos where she’s basically wearing the lesbian flag as a headscarf. lone star writers room i am IN YOUR WALLS. also i want to meet her sister. i need someone to call her mouse

nancy my beloved… honestly i just really want a nancy begins episode!! i want to know why she became a paramedic, i want to know about her relationship with her sister and if there’s any particular reason it was a soft spot for her during the DNR episode… I don’t have any particular ideas for specific i just want to know more about her!!! actually I’d love her to have to confront Tim’s death a little more directly. they made that whole thing about Owen which is fucking crazy to me, I’d love for the next time TK gets hurt (lol) for it to be something that dredges that up for her.

grace… miss grace i want to see you angry again. no plot line in mind i just like it when she’s pretending she doesn’t get angry or stubborn, she is such a fascinating character study. i love when she’s a contradiction. she and carlos teaming up was one of my favorite things abt s3, i would be so jazzed to see more things of that flavor.

tommy. hm… I don’t think I have any particular storylines for her in mind but I want more of her and grace and judd together because they are so delightful and lovely and best friends. OH ACTUALLY. I want something with tommy and charlie. this baby that was named in honor of the late love of her life. o don’t know what that story would be but there’s something there for sure…

carlos is the same as nancy tbh, I want a real full carlos begins! I want to meet his sisters! I want to see more of the mess that was growing up gay and feeling out of place and trying to be what your dad would want even though he thinks you’re too soft for it. why did he do it anyways! I also would love to see him and his mom being more involved, partially because obviously they had a horrible loss and trauma and she saw it happen but also because I love andrea:) she’s everything 2 me

judd I have been waiting for them to make you captain since SEASON THREE!! i want owen to retire and i want them to expand on the tension we got for the period he was captain!! i want to see how the dynamic changes and how his past issues come up when he’s in charge For Good. i want to see him get emotional about it and i want him to be captain while wyatt is his probie if they put him back on the firefighter track after his recovery :) bc that would be fun conflict and i think everything they did with owen (traumatically lost whole crew, son on your team) would be 100x better with judd

mateo is also a difficult one for specifics. I feel like they’re relatively fair with him? even with the low screentime all the secondary characters are relegated to. I’d be interested in seeing more fallout about his cousin, and I LOVED what they did with him and captain tatum so anything of that flavor of earnestness from him is always so good. maybe he and tatum will be buddies off the clock :)

tk getting hurt in increasingly absurd ways is always a classic that I look forward to them playing into lol

misc: i want to see more big brother wyatt with charlie getting a little older, i want less owen solo-plotlines, more ghost/memory gwyn i love her, carlos with his curls, the vega twins being involved in something maybe? that would be fun and stressful gjfhdhf

EDIT: OH MY GOD I FORGOT PAUL. I ABANDONED MY BOY. ok paul deserves literally any kind of robust plotline. Paul begins for starters, but also so much of his trans plotlines feel a little fumbled. I want a really earnest well done episode that isn’t necessarily About him being trans, but his transness is a factor and it’s handled in a really genuinely good and relatable way. they OWE HIM AND US THAT!! i also would love to see more of the gay kids being in gay spaces :)

[housesitting & snowed in send enrichment to my enclosure]

[deliciouswastelandgoddess]

The Dark Horse of Acting - Build's Pete

A case study of acting techniques

Also read:

Mile's Kinn

Apo's Porsche

Bible's Vegas

When the series started I had absolutely no idea what journey Pete will have in the narrative - I somehow avoided a fair bit of novel related posts and did not until Episode 7 that Pete and Vegas are the secondary couple. Even when I did realize it I did not give it much thought because well, Pete was such an understated character compared to the rest of them. I honestly can't even recall what I thought about him beyond "ahaha lol what a funny guy he makes funny faces hahaha" and "lol lol he's so done with Tankhun he's so relatable lol lol".

I know that everyone likes to think of every character as morally grey in the show but in my opinion, within the context of the world the showrunners have created, Kinn and Porsche are relatively morally upright, Vegas is relatively morally uhh...bad, and Pete is the one that is truly genuinely morally grey. In DnD terms - he would be what I would call a true neutral (compared to Kinn's lawful good, Porsche's chaotic good and Vegas' lawful evil) (just to add here lawful here doesn't mean legal - not gonna explain the whole DnD thing here, please google it if this doesn't make sense to you in any way).

Pete's unique combination of high empathy and high cynicism has led to creation of this increasingly interesting character, brought to life by Build's flawless execution - understated in the initial episodes, unexpectedly intense in the later episodes.

Apo, Mile and Bible are overwhelmingly charismatic - I don't think they could do a scene where you would look away from them. Wardrobe and makeup also plays a huge role in that but I don't think you could ever cast these three actors as side characters because they would simply take over a scene. Build on the other hand blended seamlessly into the background in the first few episodes.

In this scene even when Pete is talking it's hard to take your eyes off of Porsche. It's partially because how the camera is placing Porsche in the frame (1/3rd of the way in and he is also very tall and in front) and partially because Build seems to...almost have a dial where he can switch off his charisma.

This scene on the other hand, the camera actually focuses on Pete but you can see how even blurred Apo's Porsche is dominating the scene. If you didn't have context clues from reading other people's post about Pete on socials you would never clock him as anything more than a boy-next-door in the wrong business. This boy does not belong in the mafia.

His scenes with Kinn and Vegas are also in the same vein, he strictly feels like a side character until-

8 episodes later we have this scene and it's really hard to believe this is the same guy from the gifs above. You cannot take your eyes away from him. Think we can all agree he looks unhinged here and finally looking like an actual gangster. I never would have guessed that I would see this side of Pete considering how Build was playing Pete until this point - it was such a surprise for me.

This is another interesting one: Bible has incredibly sharp and defined bone structure while Build has a very soft face. Usually a face like Bible dominates the screen and it usually does but here Build is able to match Bible's energy. Nobody is overpowering anybody and he looks nothing like the soft boy of the first few episodes - he looks calculating, assured, almost at peace and juuuust a little bit dangerous. Comic relief side character has walked out the door, she is charisma incarnate, she is the moment.

My favorite scenes with Pete are the ones where he is giving people advices. He has done it for Porsche, for Kinn and finally for Vegas here. Build really does the detached cynicism™ with perfection. Notice how dead his eyes look here, how slack his face is. He is understanding but also tired. He is resigned.

Now compare that to his eyes here- they look so alive - again it's almost like it's two entirely different actors and I know that's the whole point of acting but!!! I am in awe!! I have no option but to stan!!

And finally my absolute favorite frame featuring Pete. The direction was so good and Pete looks - well he looks like a lot of things - but he mostly looks evil here! Like he has just succeeded in tricking somebody. Like a cat who has just cornered a rat - it's such an unsettling smile, that paired with the unsettling music and Vegas' smile fading when he sees Pete smile - I had my jaws on the floor - Build was the showstopper, he was so real for this I can't even.

I think the showrunners could not have casted a better person for this role. Build's Pete is a truly remarkable work of subtle acting, absolutely unexpected, the dark horse of the cast.

[marc--chilton]

Hi! Im more-mouse-bites on ao3 and I came and followed for the mgv content.

I’m writing an ABO house fic of my own atm! I was going to follow the long-beloved trope of “house hides his second gender and everyone thinks he’s an alpha, but then something happens and he’s exposed” but I realized that I could have a lot more fun with having House as a known omega from the start. I have omegas as slightly more uncommon and definitely frowned upon in high-intensity careers like medicine, because of their perceived frailty. I’m such a slut for the socio-economic implications of an ABO universe, lol.

Which segues into my question— in your AU, what’s the general consensus societally on omegas? Does House have to routinely fight against ignorance and dismissal? And if so, how would Wilson react? Or even just to general patients being terrible to House. Would he step in, or would House stop him because that would undermine his credibility?

Really love your AU! Can’t wait to see more ❤️

(hiii thank you for the kind words on here and ao3 kisskiss) house hiding his status as an omega and going through life as a false alpha is great i won't lie, but the idea of house being ASSUMED to be an alpha simply because of how he carries himself and taking great joy in surprising people by being like (loud incorrect buzzer).... the mischief. it's so yummy

that's rly neat!! i definitely believe that omegas being in places of power/authority are uncommon due to how they are perceived as the lesser secondary sex. an omega NURSE or orderly would be easier accepted than an omega DOCTOR, for instance. and then some patients being like "i don't wanna get treated by no 'meg, i want a different doctor seeing to me" of course.

given to the types of people who end up seeing house for their mystery illness of the week, there are definitely more than a couple of hardheads who try to challenge house's authority either as a patient in the hospital bed, or as family/loved ones of the ill who can't believe a mere omega can cure the patient. house would antagonize them back, of course, but not give up the case either if it's good enough a puzzle.

wilson's reaction to seeing house get discriminated would depend on what the aggressor says/does and wilson's own cycle as well. (this is operating on the default that they're unbonded as well) because as much as i LIVE for protective wilson, he also knows how to throw house's shit right back at him. and house is a jerk, no matter the au, so from the outside looking in he wouldn't bat an eye. if he's brought on as a consult to the case, he'd be a little more involved; professional, but he would defend house's integrity and skill.

closer to rut, though, he would be a bit more..... tense. he catches an alpha kick house's cane out from under him in a fit of aggression and before you know it, he's pinned them to the nearest flat surface and is growling in their face. HUGE no-no as a doctor but also one he can get away with at trial, yknow, "crime of passion" type thing.

as a distinguished (.... sort of. it's greg house) specialist and literal grown man, it gets on house's nerves, yes. and as someone at odds with his secondary sex, he also hates that he even brings out that part of wilson's alpha biology, too. but -- and he wouldn't admit this under threat of death -- it also makes him preen a little inside that wilson's hindbrain (his subconscious, the pure primal instinct with No Thought behind it) deems him as something worth fighting over, protecting, defending when house himself does not.

[trashlie]

Manifesting Stalkyoo~

Just to get it out of the way: PLEASE KNOW THIS IS ALL IN GOOD FUN! I don’t want anyone to take this in a weird way or like it’s some ridiculous demand I’m making lmao. I’ve just been having a delightful time talking to other Stalkyoo shippers and just romanticizing silly things we want to see so again: THIS IS JUST FOR FUN! I know fandom has been weird about shipping stuff because of the... ugly past lol so I feel a weird need to remind people that my shipping is just secondary enjoyment of ILY and that I will continue to love and read ILY wherever it goes. 

With that out of the way lol please also note there are spoilers all the way up to 224, so if you don’t FP episodes, this post is not safe for you! (unless you like spoilers. i don’t judge people, I like spoilers, too) 

Look, I’m not good at writing fanfiction. I’d love to, but I always feel like it’s difficult for me to portray characters the way the original writer does. I think about it, every now and then, dabble in a little idea, something I might like to see, before the storyline plays out in a different way, but I just never trust myself, so this is about the closest I ever get to that. And even still, I think of these little musings, these silly little “oh I’d love to see ______” very inline with fanfiction, wherein I acknowledge that what I’m hoping for or imagining is very likely to not happen. It’s just the fun of exploring story and the what-if’s and little AU tangents where ONE little thing tweaks. 

For me, the fun of shipping is just playing with those character dynamics, which is another reason fic is so difficult for me - I enjoy my pairings, my characters, within their circumstances. That’s not to say AU fics are unfathomable to me (I LOVE THEM), but more so that it’s hard to write something knowing that I don’t know everything, that quimchee will pull out a surprise and I’ll be like oh my god I should have realized! And again, I guess that’s where musing is fun. You get to play out those little what if’s for yourself, get to imagine a scenario that probably will never come to pass. That’s the fun of fic + canon, to me! Not once has quimchee done something with her characters and their story that really surprised me in an “oh i don’t like this” kind of way. I can say “Oh I’d love to see xyz scenario play out” but when instead abc plays out, I’m not mad. 

I also fully admit that I tend to compartmentalize my shipping thoughts and whims separately from my general commentary, and I guess for the previously mentioned reasons: this fandom has an ugly, nasty past with shipping and even still, there are a lot of people who demand romance from ILY and don’t seem to care about the actual story at play or even weirder, seem to think that it detracts from the romance they think should be happening???? (”when is she going to choose one of the brothers it’s been so many years and episodes waaaah) And I guess, yeah, I get a little self-conscious, because (and this is feels so embarrassing to actually word) I acknowledge a lot of people read my commentary and my opinions! And I’m so happy for that, I love being so communal with everyone! But I do get worried someone is going to take something out of context and be like “omg can you believe she’s one of those weirdo romance demanders” or something lmao, hence this weird long useless diatribe. But yeah, basically, I’ve been talking with people lately and god just thinking about my shippy feels and how much I love the current story - one step forward, three steps back; the struggles to open up; the struggles to deal with feelings in the face of much heavier, scarier elements; etc. etc.

Sometimes you just wake up and you’re like: I WANNA SCREAM ABOUT STALKYOO so you do it because you have a birdbrain and you know is screaming afljkfkjafkjakfjaf LMAO 

If you’re reading this, chances are you aren’t new to my blog so you’ve probably read the likes of my Foundations of Stalkyoo, Why I Ship Stalkyoo, and Further Thoughts on Stalkyoo (I just never shut up huh) posts, so I’ll try not to like, completely repeat everything but if it happens well. It can’t helped, can it? lol 

Anyway something I’ve been talking and thus thinking a lot about is where we stand with Stalkyoo, now that we are getting more confirmation of actual budding feelings. I always reiterate that anything can change, but I also like to remind myself that something quimchee has said in the past (and this is loosely paraphrased) is that whenever it does come to a pairing, it will be made obvious before it gets there, because this is NOT a primarily romance-focused story which means there aren’t as many storylines that deal with just the will-they/won’t-they and the likes, and I think likewise, there won’t be a real love triangle the way most fans tend to think of them. So often a love triangle gets boiled down to someone being torn between two people for whatever reason and i just don’t get the sense we’ll be seeing that? Thus, I do feel like we might well be moving into a territory where we will see some kinds of scenes setting up, or maybe better put, enabling the possibility of a relationship between Shinae and Nol? 

But first. I always say I don’t really try to predict things because I’m always proven wrong, but I still like to try for fun lol, just because that’s part of the joy of reading an on-going story, I think! I’ve waffled a lot on it, but I still feel like when we reach our big time skip (not the first one taking us to graduation, but rather the one that jumps us a few years ahead), there has to be a REASON. Narratively it’s hard to imagine what that reason might be beyond the likelihood that we’ll see our three main characters on separate paths. It’s the only thing that makes sense, because otherwise you end up with a lot of story happening off page, right? If Shinae were to go to Japan with Kousuke, we’d end up missing their reconciliation and Kousuke earning her trust (or if it were to go the opposite, becoming cold acquaintances). Thus, I think Kousuke will go to Japan, but Shinae will take Rand’s advice begrudgingly and take up Yui on her “offer, while Nol will probably go to college abroad. He wasn’t denied admission to Oxford - it’s just not guaranteed there will be a spot for him. 

I know people take umbrage with the idea of Shinae taking up Yui’s offer, but hear me out. I don’t think it’s meant to turn Shinae into some kind of conniving, cunning person in the likes of Yui, as much as just introduce her to this world, give her a better understanding of how people in this society and business work and thus, start to get an idea of how Yui works. While I don’t think it’s easy to ever be one step ahead of Yui, I do think developing an understanding of her world helps to at least defend herself from Yui - start to see traps in advance and how to avoid them, find ways to evade her clutches, that kind of thing. I do think the idea of Yui holding that over Shinae’s head is terrifying and it’s feels more dangerous than going to Japan with Kousuke, BUT again, the idea is that she would become better equipped to defend herself and fight back. 

Of course, I don’t think Shinae in this moment is prepared to make that choice, and it may be a choice that comes after Yujing’s big scoop is revealed. Perhaps realizing how much more dangerous and powerful Yui (and the Kims) is would make her see what Rand was trying to tell her. I think she hasn’t fully figured out just what is going on with Yui and Rand, either - why would he be pushing her against his wife? But I think the information Yujing has compiled could help her see that bigger picture. If someone like Rand has spent twenty-five years struggling in this battle with her, how could Shinae ever hope to stand against her with even less understanding, with no sense of WHO Yui is or what makes her tick. 

The thing about this that I always struggle with is: how would Nol regard that? We know he feels vehemently about Alyssa idolizing Yui and taking advantage of her connection to the Hiraharas - and yet he stayed with her, knowing that she benefits from him (but that he does, as well). Would he feel the same, if he found out who was enabling Shinae to go to school? Would they talk about it, since Shinae knows how he feels about it? Would he be able to understand, when even he himself doesn’t seem to realize that his father finds himself trapped by the Hiraharas? That’s... stuff I can’t try to predict, because I think everything is possible. 

I promise I’ll get to that a little more.

The narrative benefit of separating the main characters is, of course, that first off, no major development happens where we can’t watch it. Sure, they’ll go about their lives and things will happen, but I don’t expect it to be major things that would make us go WAIT WHAT?! Otherwise, what brings us back itnto the story after time passes? For a long time my idea was that they’d all go their separate ways and maybe even their relationships would be a little damaged, so that when they come back into each others’ lives, part of the story is recovering that, reconciling with the past and maybe finding new futures together. 

Especially regarding Nol and Shinae, I’d wondered if we would see him leave without reconciling with his friends, and that we’d see him and Shinae meet again after some years and Shinae would have to contend with their unresolved past, with feelings she never had a chance to really identify, let alone explore, and the aching beauty of having to figure out who each other after now that they’ve grown and changed, and if there is room in each others’ lives for one another, if they fit in with who they’ve become. And don’t get me wrong - i do like that kind of bittersweet ache, haunted by the ghosts of what never came to be, having to relearn each other. But the more I’ve talked about this (especially a lot with @bittrbuttr, the more I realized that’s not exactly what I want with them. 

Like, it’s good and achey, it really pulls at your heartstrings. But I think that better suits an actual romance story, where the focus of the story and plot is on those feelings and untangling them, on finding their ways back to each other. I don’t think that’s the story of ILY, though. 

I keep dancing around my point and I apologize, but we all know I’m nothing if not circuitous and I promise we’ll get there! 

Here’s the thing: we know that Nol and Shinae are not in the space to become romantically involved. The feelings are there. They are drawn to each other, we know Nol finds comfort and peace in Shinae and that he always struggles to really push her away. We know that Shinae cares so deeply about him that no matter how much he hurts her, she still wants to try, she still wants to be there for him. I find the hope-tinged pain of 223 really poignant in that way - she wanted to SEE HIM, in a moment that was so special, she wanted to share that joy and get a glimpse at who he REALLY is, and he was unable to do that for her. But still she hopes for the best, still she intends to keep trying, to be as persistent as he was, even if she has to find a different approach. 

They are so important to each other, and I’m hoping that might be a catalyst? 

I understand what Nol’s struggle is. It isn’t easy to be vulnerable, to feel weak, especially when those parts of him have been used against him the last 6 years of his life. He is full of so much self-loathing and isn’t comfortable with his own weakness and vulnerability, thus he can’t show it to Shinae, he doesn’t want her to see him like that. He’d rather let her think he just doesn’t need to see what exists between them, that he doesn’t need to see her indulging because it’s enough to just bring her joy - and that itself hurts enough! But I want him to at least be honest about it - tell her that you don’t want her to see that part of you. Will it change things? Probably not significantly, but it puts her one step closer to understanding doesn’t it? 

And so the thinking is - or rather, the hope - is that maybe Nol will realize this? 

We see some of it in 224. Upon Dieter’s arrival, instead of a hey welcome back or anything, it’s an immediate “Did you bump into Yoo?” and when Dieter reassures him that she’s fine, it’s just stuffy, he knows a. it’s not fine and b. he feels bad. I think he felt that regret immediately, when he noted that she’s angry and he took off the blindfold and she wasn’t there. Nol is so used to pushing people away, it’s his first line of defense, but when it works? When he succeeds at driving that wedge? Again it’s that battle of will vs want - he thinks that pushing her away is the right thing to do for her sake, but he doesn’t ACTUALLY want it. 

It’s so difficult to go back to how things used to be having gotten a taste of something better. It’s so difficult to push out everyone when you’ve allowed yourself to indulge in being loved and cared about, and and I think that’s what Nol’s biggest hurdle is. 

Don’t get me wrong; there’s a lot of hurdles with him lol and clearing one doesn’t exactly make the others any easier to clear. But something we’ve seen from Shinae and that I think the story has tried to impress upon is that things are easier when we aren’t alone. Burdens shared are burdens that weigh a little less. We’ve Shinae and her father talking about being a team - about sharing that burden so it’s not so hard for just one of them and distributing that burden more easily. We’ve seen it in Shinae opening up about her problems with her friends, her insecurities that made her doubt her friendships. Her realization that as scary as situation as her sister breaking into her home was, it was made more bearable with a ragtag group of goofs who will protect her. 

Nol needs to learn to share that burden. He’s spent so long treating himself like an island, he hasn’t had the opportunity to remember that it’s easier to endure something when you aren’t exhausted from shouldering that burden all by yourself. There is strength in numbers. He’s been so run ragged from just trying to endure, trying to get by, trying to survive and how is he to ever fight back against Yui when he’s exhausted just from treading waters? 

I mean, ultimately Nol needs to learn to love himself, but I think it’s easier to tackle allowing others to love him, first. Allowing himself to share the burden, to show those weaknesses and let people have his back. Be able to slump over and know that someone will help keep you standing, you know? And maybe through that, he can find it in him to start loving himself. Of course, he has other problems he needs to address; in order to love himself, he has to forgive himself, and I hope that Yujing’s article can help in that area. I’m sure he carries the guilt of his mother’s alleged suicide, and maybe he was even made to believe that. It wouldn’t surprise me if the time he spent in the mental facility only served to make him feel worse about his existence, made  him believe he was the root cause of the bad. Maybe even, like Nana, he had an argument with his mother before he death and felt that if they hadn’t argued, maybe she would never have made that choice?

Clearly that’s still a little complicated for us to fully dig into, but as horrible as learning that maybe her death was not a choice she made is to learn (I cannot imagine having made this peace with someone I loved reaching a point so dark they made that choice, only to find out that it was, possibly, murder. How do you deal with that? What do you do with all that new grief, that new anguish?), I think maybe, if he learned that she didn’t choose that, it might help free him from his shackles of guilt. 

But I think until he can learn to forgive himself, until he can make that peace, couldn’t letting people love him help? Wouldn’t it be better for him to move forward knowing that he has people who will not only defend him, but who can ease the weight of his burdens? 

As dramatic as Nol and Shinae separating on these rocky grounds, unable to fully reconcile, makes for a good, dramatic romance, I think it’s much better for Nol to move on as a team. To let himself rely on others isn’t something he can learn over night, of course, but isn’t it better for him to enter a scary phase of his life knowing that there ARE people who he can talk to about it? There ARE people he can eventually let see those weak parts of him? 

So my ultimate hope for Nol’s extension is that in that time, he and Shinae find that peace after all. I still can’t help but feel like the three-day-extension is significant, because why else include it, if it was to pass without event? Especially because, depending on how it works (is it 3 additional days INCLUDING the 22nd or 3 days extra, beginning the 23rd?) we’ll hit the holidays. That just feels... too significant, right? 

I want Nol to grapple with his feelings, let his fear take over a little. Is he really as ready to lose Shinae as he tries to be? He seemed to regret hurting her, hanging his head after Dieter reassured him she was fine, even though she refuses to come back in to the room. And I can’t help but feel like it’s significant that she’s still lingering in the waiting room. My thinking is that Nana will get involved - she knows that Nol is upset about someone, she knows other friends have been watching over him, she knows there’s a friend who isn’t coming back in. She can read him well, so it’s not like it’s difficult to read that maybe they had a fight, that he was brusque and brushed her off the way he tries to do even to Nana. Will she go out there to see who this friend is? Will they talk? I feel like they HAVE to - not just because the fandom has waited for it, but because I think Nana can probably glean that Shinae (”Yoo” lol) must be someone important, if he’s acting like that. 

And look. Did Nana see the blush? *I* saw the blush, I’m not getting over that. I’m sorry but he lmao pushed her away, regretted hurting her, and he’s still getting flustered because he pictured her mouth. BUDDYYYYYYYYYYYY. YOU’RE A MESS. 

I don’t expect her to fully intervene in like, trying to make things happen way lmao I think it’s more like... Nana knows better than anyone that Nol is a difficult person to love. I say this with affection, because it’s true. He pushes people away, he deflects from himself, he never opens up, it’s hard to read what’s going on in his head. And Nana also knows of the darkness that looms. She was right there when he pleaded guilty, concerned about his reasoning. She’s listened to him talk about how maybe everything would be better if he didn’t exist. She knows that the darkness has a strong grip on him. So who better than her to encourage Shinae, to thank her for her patience and tenacity, for sticking with Nol even with the way he acts? I’d like to see a little bit of that comfort between them, some reassurance that Shinae is, in fact, making the right choice. She oscillates so wildly between her extreme emotions; sadness and melancholy that caring is not enough and how it sometimes comes out as anger when she can’t find a better way to channel it. We know she doesn’t really regret planning that birthday celebration - she’s just hurt. And I think it would be a big help to have Nana tell her how much it means to see Nol with friends who care about him despite how prickly and difficult he is, how she worries about him and is glad there are people who care about him. I think it would really encourage Shinae that her resolve is right - that she just has to find another way to approach him, that it’s worth the effort. 

And at that same time, yes, I want Nol’s fear to kick his ass. I want him to realize he faces the very real reality of losing someone who cares so much about him, who is willing to put up with him because of how much she cares and how special she is to him - and that she wants him to see it, too. I want him to fear losing the comfort and peace she brings him. I want him to have to finally face head on his want vs what he thinks he deserves, and see what a future without someone like her is like. Can he bear to return to that kind of loneliness? Can he bear losing her concern? How it feels for her to take notice of him, to probe, to listen? 

Like, at the risk of getting really corny and dramatic, that’s what it comes down to. I don’t want Nol to come back in a few years and decide he’s ready to face all of that. I want him to move on from this point knowing he’s not alone. I want him to be able to face prison knowing that he’s not so alone, that there is someone who will always be there to support him. I think that’s what makes the most sense. Leaving on their current circumstances works great if it’s a romance and that’s the main story - but making up, talking, being honest? That makes more sense for THIS story, where Nol starts to grow NOW, where he starts to make those important steps that will help him find his way to healing, and more important, that will help him face the forces that taunt and haunt him.

He doesn’t have to be completely honest with Shinae, because I don’t think he’s ready. I don’t think he’ll tell her that his mother took her life, and that he believes it’s his fault. But I think it would be enough to tell her the truth he couldn’t stay to her face - that he doesn’t want her to see him like that, that it’s still hard for him to open up that way, that it’s still SCARY - but that he doesn’t want to push her away, that he’s sorry he keeps hurting her. We could even go more dramatic with a callback to the hospital scene - that he’s sorry he isn’t good enough and is undeserving of her (AND LET HER REASSURE HIM THAT’S NOT TRUE THAT HE IS). BUT JUST. IDK I WANT HIM TO FACE IT. ADMIT IT.

He doesn’t have to tell her he likes her. That’s fine. Just reiterate what she means to him! One moment he’s telling her she’s special to him, that he cares about her, next moment he’s telling her it’s okay he doesn’t have to look he’s fine like this. STOP JERKING HER AROUND ;~; lmao like don’t get me wrong. I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

But I also want to see them move into our time skips with a sense of understanding and peace, you know? I don’t want want Nol to face his fears alone anymore. I want him to let someone stand by his side. I want him to accept how good it feels to rest on her shoulder and know that it’s okay, she’s there.

I HAVE FEELINGS OKAY I JUST. I WANT THEM TO BE ABLE TO FIND T HAT STRENGTH IN EACH OTHER, TO BE STRONGER TOGETHER. 

And to call back to my earlier point lmao I like to think if they get to that point, then maybe he would understand, if Shinae accepts Yui’s offer. Maybe he would see how it’s different from Alyssa, that Shinae made a choice to protect herself, that it’s not about the idolatry, it’s not a self-serving choice, but one that protects her and enables her to fight back. Knowing that they are on the same side, that Shinae isn’t a doe-eyed naïve girl about to be taken advantage of again, but one who wants to fight back against the people who hurt her and others like her. 

We’re about halfway to 3/5 of the way into this story, and I think that’s a good point for Shinae and Nol to join forces. 

AndlookthisiscompletelydaydreamingbutiftherewasaChristmaskissIwouldcertainlynotobject

PLEASE I JUUUUUUUUUST i want to see them on the same page, I want to see them moving forward TOGETHER. I don’t want Nol to keep walking on his own. I don’t want him to just accept Shinae at his side, either; I want him to CHOOSE to let her choose his side. ;A; 

GOD. PLS. BARKS AT THE MOON I’m just ready for them to bE A TEAM I’M READY FOR NOL TO BE SELFISH AND TO GO AFTER WHAT HE WANTS I WANT HIM TO CHOOSE COMFORT AND SECURITY OVER PUNISHMENT I WANT HIM TO REALIZE THERE IS STRENGTH IN COMPANIONSHIP. I know being close to him puts her at risk - but he needs to see that no matter what, she’s at risk, and isn’t it better if she’s in danger with someone who can help, than to be all alone with it? I WANT HIM TO FACE THAT FEAR OF HIS AND FIND THAT MAYBE HIS DESIRE, HIS WANT, HIS NEEDS ARE EVEN BIGGER. That it’s better to find peace with her than spend the whole time afraid. Isn’t that the thing? He’s always afraid - afraid of someone else getting hurt, afraid of another opportunity being stolen away, afraid of the next time Yui will find a way to hurt him. BUT TO BE ABLE TO FIND COMFORT WITH SHINAE? 

Please. Just open up - be honest!!!!!!! But most importantly APOLOGIZE. Apologize for hurting her, apologize for pushing her away.

I realize, based on what she said on the hospital roof, that maybe he won’t make that choice, that maybe her persistence has to be a long game, that she does have to wait for him to forget to put the mask back on.

But wouldn’t it be so nice if he chose to move forward with her, instead of alone, to face their nightmare and battles together? ;~; 

[throwaway-yandere]

(I'm the anon who sent the ask of Tighnari emotionally involved in a relationship with ou but you are unaware)

Please, don't be sorry! Respond when you can, we are okay with waiter! Your job and studies and health are far more important. And it's okay, I liked what you wrote! You could only send the "This idea is 11/10" and I would have been very happy, as that was my main goal: share with you.

And? The art? It's magnificent! I didn't ask for it and yet you made something for my little ask? That looks so cool? I love it, indifferent of it being digital or not! Thank you so much :')

As for your response, I actually see him a little more delusional in later stages of his yandereness(?). At the beginning is aware, but the way you wrote him dismissing his darling kinda gave me the vibes of delusional and still being aware... but not caring. I mean, if the two of you broke up, you'll be fine while him, a hybrid whose nature tells him his partner in life just rejected him, will be in shambles. Are you really going to be that selfish? You leaving him is the equivalent of endearing everyone in the rainforest: he won't be able to take on his power Ranger duties, won't be able to take care of the whitered zones...

And I know the bird part was meant to be scary, but I read somewhere that, at times, Tighnari's burst pass the enemy and targets fish and birds. So I imagined him blowing off steam and then he does his burst... only for the arrows to go straight into a poor bird happily chirping away. The man is just 😐 until the idea crosses his mind 😂

(once again, SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY omg its been half a month sahbdjkas)

Yes you put it perfectly anon!! "Delusional but still aware... Not caring." That's EXACTLY how I picture Tighnari if he ever snapped. I can't see him not realizing his situation since he painfully knows that he already lost you. His fellow rangers, the withering zones, his duties– all of that is secondary to him. You come first. Doesn't matter if you'll play along with his madness. You need to come home. If you wanted to call him "master" so bad just like Collei then don't worry, he'll make you his pet.

And omg yes that sentence sounds exactly like something he'd say.

"Are you really going to be THAT selfish? Don't tell me I have to drag you to a zoology lecture for you to understand that foxes mate for life." He curls a fistful of your hair in his hand. "If you have enough time playing hide and seek then why don't we have a little zoology lesson, hmm?"

(Ehusiaowoaaioa Tighnari missing his burst and picking up the fowls is probably the most relatable thing in Genshin, except for his whole yandere thing lol. Also, I can see him getting mad for accidentally dragging you to the wrong lecture room– "Cynology: study of carnivores 101".)

[microraptorreactor]

I feel like dumping out my box of OCs like one would do a box of lps so very long post filled with very many doodles ahead!

Reference for my Rainworld oc, Lost! He's an idiot kid I made for one joke but now he lives in my brain. I think I made this reference for him last year? Idk I don't remember. I'm just now realizing that Lost snuck into my V2 characterization lmao.

Elysium art of various ages! Made between 2021-2023 I believe. This is the oc I made before I knew what Ultrakill was and everyone thought I was making an Ultrakill joke. Tbh if it wasn't for the fact that I MADE Elysium and have their early sketches I wouldn't believe they weren't an Ultrakill reference either. Speaking of which, here's some animations from when Elysium was both a quadruped and a model of robot instead of an individual. These were both made for a class in 2021.

VERY old art (2020 I think? I wasn't using my screen tablet yet) that I normally wouldn't include if it weren't for the fact my friends would explode me if I mentioned Elysium and Lost without mentioning Nerve. She was an anxiety-ridden warforged cleric who got tragically sent to the vampire realm. Whenever Nerve comes up in discussion one of my friends brings up how I made him cry with her final speech. I don't remember tf I said lmao.

Art of my His Dark Materials OC, Zurial! Art would have been made 2022 onwards. I made her WAY back in 2019 before Hazbin Hotel even had a pilot but unfortunately now she looks like a Hazbin angel and I feel weird drawing her. Which is really unfortunate because I love her dearly, she's one of my favorite OCs. She's also the only oc I have who I've made a plushie for. Why did my character design have to accidentally look like the works of famous youtube animator Vivian Medrano T-T

(here's her plushie btw. I'm really proud of it lol.)

Here's Niphit, one of my Warframe OCs! Some of y'all might recognize her as my AO3 pfp, but her design has changed since then. The bottom reference sheet is her most recent design. She's kind of conceptually similar to Baeri/Sleet/-31 from SftBT, in terms of hacking shit and having a snout and teeth. Biggest difference is that she is a whole ass hivemind, usually pretty harmless, and also considered pretty young.

Shameless CR:K fanchild OC. Her name is Golden Parmesan Cheese Cookie (Parm or Parmesan for short) and she's also, like, an AI copy of a dead person. Or a dead person's soul trapped inside an eternal simulation? Either way she's got SO many issues. I have a massive chatfic wip from when I decided to try writeing something with her.

Okay I know technically this is a Homestuck OC but I like to say she's a Hiveswap OC. Because I played Hiveswap and loved it but never read Homestuck. Anyways her name is Vintan she's a yellowblood.

Whoa an original character! Yeah this is Corion, they come from my brain. I have a whole story concept about post-apocalyptic robot cowboys (and human cowboys) that I've done a couple doodles from but never written down. Corion serves as a sort of living taxi, guiding or carrying people across the wasteland. They are a secondary protagonist, I don't think I have art of Pike and Amelia, the actual protagonists. One funny fact about this universe is it contains a character named V1 (pronounced Vi, still written as V1) who I can no longer use for obvious reasons.

But yeah! Ramble over! Not anywere near all of them I just wanted to talk about my brain children XD

[tblsomedoodles]

Donnie keeps the existence of the dream recorder a secret even from Leo bevause A) He knows Leo would be upset at the invasion of privacy, B) the things Leo sees are so impossible and do terrifying Donnie doesn't really know what to do about it and know everyone else will just worry, and C) SCIENCE!!

At first, he probably figures out Leo has a lot of nightmare and decides to try to do something about it. Like, Leo refuses to talk about his dreams even when Dr. Delicate Touch comes out. They are THAT bad! So Donnie wants to get to the bottom of what his twin's nightmares about, and to do that, he needs to know what Leo is seeing. At first, he thinks Leo just had a really overactive imagination and tries to limit his horror intake... then he notices that the things Leo sees in his dreams ACTUALLY HAPPEN.

This kind of hints at Donnie realizing there was something up before their nimpo was unlocked (and Leo's dreams turned to an HD showing of the apocalypse future), which i'm kinda liking?

Like, Donnie's probably the next contender for having the worst sleeping schedule, so it's possible he'd notice if one of his brothers was up late (or didn't sleep at all.) So he'd probably be the one to notice that on some nights, Leo's up and looking thoroughly shaken from some nightmare. Asking about it wouldn't do any good b/c he's horrible at emotions and stuff like that (maybe Donnie triers once and Leo pretends there's nothing wrong.)

So Donnie would do what Donnies do, throw tech at the problem. He eventually decides that if he can see the dreams, maybe he can figure out why he's having them and remove the nightmare triggers. Like if he's dreaming about scary movie stuff, not let him watch scary movies before bed. That sort of thing.

So eventually he figures out how to make a dreamcatcher that records nearby dreams (with the help of a bit of mystic. Probably a trip to the hidden city library coupled with a very basic crystal.) He presents it to Leo as a "useless decoration to hang on his wall. With absolutely no ulterior motives." (when leo doesn't believe him, he points out a secondary decoy function. that it makes white noise to help him sleep, which Leo grudgingly accepts.)

A lot of the dreams he gets are just, normal Leo dreams. They're bright and silly, and usually involve a unicorn somehow.

The nightmares are...different. They're dark and hazy. Indistinct, often jumping erratically from one image to another. They don't make sense.

Not until they face the shredder for three days straight and he realizes afterwards, that the DIY grave he made was featured in one of them. Which is impossible. Completely impossible.

He starts studying the nightmares more carefully, committing them all to memory because dreaming of the future isn't possible. There has to be another explanation. (he even goes back to the library, looking for answers. All he gets are vague books about Seers. Absolutely useless for proving his brother isn't seeing the future.)

THen their nimpo is unlocked and Leo's nightmares are suddenly so much sharper, more detailed, showing things more disturbing than any of the nightmares before.

And now they're every night.

Yeah, i'm kinda liking this thing lol. Mostly b/c then Donnie knows something's going on even before Leo, even if he's in denial that the future works like that.

Thank you!

If it's after Leo starts dreaming of the apocalypse future, he'd be in for a shock.

Thank you!

That sounds about accurate. I think most of his visions have more to do with what's happening around and to them then what they are doing. So seeing him accidentally start the apocalypse? nope. Seeing the results of the Krang invasion? oh yes. and hates every second of it.

Thank you!

Yep, it would just make sense to CJ. and that's an adorable nickname! Leo would definitely use it for him b/c he probably only saw as far as sending him through the portal so, quite literally, all their hope for the krang to be defeated, would be on him.

Thank you!

[emblazons]

I don't usually go to tumblr to talk movies, but I know people are interested in this one because of Finn, so I'll attempt some thoughts more like I do other films (with irl friends, mostly).

My WYFSTW thoughts (in no particular order + a clip)

under the cut, not because I really "spoiled" anything but because I write a lot haha

I really enjoyed this, surprisingly. I kind of expected it to ring a little more hollow than it did based on the reviews, but I think the fact that I've spent a while seeing/reading all the interviews Jesse & Finn did (combined with the fact that I listened to the audiobook) made the characters feel more fleshed out in my mind than they might for other people on screen.

To be honest...this is basically a movie about mommy issues, and if you weren't trying to be understanding, it's really easy to write them both off as unlikable. And I won't lie: in a lot of ways, they well and truly are the most irritating kind of people—they are two sides of the same obnoxiously disconnected (and narcissistic) coin, where neither one of them is self-aware enough to realize how they come off, and both of them expect all of their good intentions to be met with open arms in spite of how much they overlook the wants, desires and interests of others.

That said...their inability to connect to others because of their self-absorption while still desiring deep connection, to me, is something i think everyone can relate to at least a little. The unspoken emotionalism of Ziggy and Evelyn—the way they started searching for each other in other people—was both really heartfelt and heartbreaking, and while I know Finn repeatedly said he felt like he related to Ziggy and honestly (in more remembered than present way) so can I. Somehow, I feel like I am in the space in life between him and his mother: still looking to prove yourself, but also aware of how intense and laborious and full of struggle the wider world can be.

Alisha Boe has the most withering gaze I've ever seen (good for her) and it plays so well into making you want to hug Ziggy despite you knowing he's such a pain in the ass in reality—and the scene between him and his mother in her little "enviro friendly" car where he's asking her for help becoming someone worthwhile only for her to unintentionally insult him up and down...god. You feel so much for Ziggy even when you want to fade into your seat trying to avoid his awkwardness, and Finn's ability to be deadly earnest and endearing doing the most insanely cringe things (lmao) is a power I have to commend him readily for.

Evelyn is much tricker. I would have hated her a lot if I was younger, and I think she deserves a lot less empathy than Ziggy in every situation we find her in (though, in so many ways, we realize they are the same...which makes their relationship all the richer. At least to me). Her attempts to project the relationship she wants with Ziggy onto someone else were insanely brutal to watch knowing how much Ziggy longed to connect with her...and the way Kyle wasn't the son she wanted, despite the one she wanted being right there.

Speaking of...Billy Byrk as Kyle was phenomenal. Like. Good enough to make me want to watch more of his movies, and earnest in a way I really wasn't expecting from a secondary character. He was a standout performance right alongside Finn (unsurprising that they are best friends who make movies and do projects together lol) who I definitely think carried some of the empathy you eventually feel for him and Ziggy in regards to Evelyn, which...yeah. I loved him in this.

All and all, it was a solid movie—flat out hilarious at times and full of that kind of upper middle class suburban nonsense you see in a lot of movies laced with emotions I wasn't expecting to feel. You definitely need to have a good gauge of reading expressions to appreciate this movie because a lot of its weight lives in the unspoken, but. I definitely think most people who enjoy indie / A24 and coming of age films will like it. I know I did.

Bonus thoughts:

the scene of ziggy in his room people were talking about was very tame, especially compared to what happened in the audiobook. Its a little awkward, but nothing you couldn't cover your eyes for like 10 seconds and avoid. It's not explicit in any way.

I cannot understate how funny this movie was at times. There were two older people next to me in the theater and we were all laughing consistently the whole 88 minutes lmao

For some reason, Ziggy performing for people and having it mean nothing irl felt a lot like being on Tumblr in some ways. NOT IN A BAD WAY, but maybe that made me extra empathetic to him LOL

FINN LOOKS AT ALL HIS LOVE INTERESTS THE SAME WAY. Its exactly the same with Ziggy with Lila as Mike with Will because that is Finn's "enamored with you" face, and it was intentional in both WYFSTW and ST. I will accept no arguments.

Prepare to be hurt if you have mommy issues I'm TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW because I felt pain and I don't even HAVE those 😭

...I am open to literally any questions about it / thoughts you may also have lmao my DMs are wide open :) also here is a little snippet of Ziggy wisdom I caught LMAO

[centrally-unplanned]

I am almost done with Season 1 of Gundam: Witch from Mercury! Random thoughts:

Lol the first episode literally *is* just Gundam Utena, I saw the memes and did not realize how on-the-nose it was

The character designs are *very* fun, great job on the main duo's hair in particular. I really like how the school uniforms are almost drab? They are understated so other elements of the design - Miorine's hair swoosh, Suletta's bold colors, Shaddiq's titty window, etc - can stand out, mad respect

On the flip side, look I know this is tough, but the original gundam has extreme 80's toy design cheese tacked onto it, particularly its french flag tricolor scheme. Its not a great design and they did not succeed at modernizing it here. The drone system looks great though.

It does seem to lack Utena's commitment to the duels; Utena made the duels work by having their mystical magical wundercademy revolve around them. Halfway through the first season the duels really recede into a secondary position in relation to the corporate stuff, which imo draws attention to how silly they are.

The pacing of the show is very good, brisk and poppy with a cast of dozens, I appreciate it

I think the show's directing is at its best when it is portraying emotional plot beats, which it does with verve and creativity that utilizes its character tropes to the fullest. The Suletta/Miorine "tell me I can rely on you" confrontation is a great example of that, staging it around a zero G chase that shows both of them off.

I appreciate the detailed business plot for its world building and interesting angle, but this show is not succeeding where Evangelion succeeded in making its adults interesting. In Mercury they all seem to be pretty much assholes, they exist as exposition dumps and obstacles. Since "the olds" in a realistic show like this aren't waifus, it can be tempting to leave them as plot cogs, but imo its a mistake.

Related to that, while its great at emotional beats its less great at emotional build-up and character dynamics - there just aren't many scenes of Suletta & Miorine just hanging out, building a relationship, and the same applies to the wider friend group. The main duo's dynamic is kindof all drama - I know why they admire each other, but if you ask me why they want to actually date each other, how that relationship would work, its a bit of a wipe.

The duels kindof suck. One of my biggest complaints, they dp put *some* work into given them 'narrative' but not that much, most of the time its just "Suletta is losing and then she Heart of the Cards and decides to win", and the fight choreography is very messy and relies too much on CG effects and movement. Definitely the parts I am most tempted to hit "skip 5 seconds ahead" on.

Overall a solid show, will definitely finish this season and hopefully give the currently airing one a shot.