#i should develop them a bit more but this is what ive got for them solely through thinking abt em as i grind lol

[drabblesandimagines]

Disinhibited

Leon Kennedy x fem reader Established relationship/married, mentions of sedation, blood, bit of spice, absolute nonsense

Leon looks through the porthole-style window of the metal door to the lab and what he sees makes his heart stop. You - his beloved wife - on the floor, propped up against a row of cages at the far back wall, each wrist zip-tied to the bars above you and your head hanging low, clearly unconscious.

You’d agreed on radio silence when you’d split up, the expectation being you’d break it when either of you had located your objective. It was meant to be an easy job – suspicions that the research being undertaken at this particular oil ring was questionable at best, conducted by a skeleton crew. A USB stick holding the files the two of you had been sent to retrieve is now securely zipped in a pouch on his vest, a handful of guards sacrificing their lives for the cause. Annoyingly, a speedboat had managed to get away with the scientists onboard, but a call to HQ had the coastguard swiftly on their tail.

Leon had started to worry when he didn’t get a reply from his call-outs and had circled back, his stomach in knots. There had been slight pushback from the DSO when you and Leon had started dating, and even more so after you’d tied the knot. The two of you remained professional to a fault, but it had been observed that you worked incredibly well together. It brings both of you a bit of comfort too, knowing you have each other’s back - not one left at home wondering if the other one is going to come home in one piece.

You can take care of yourself, he has no doubt about that… But, hell, neither you or he are invincible. He swipes the pilfered keycard through the automatic lock and it takes everything within him not to sprint on over to you as the door buzzes – he needs to remain cautious, scan the area for any remaining threats and then tend to you once he’s established it’s safe. He pushes the door open and checks each square foot, gun raised, finger ready to shoot on sight. The lab is small, just the one room – no outgoing doors – and once he confirms that it is clear, he quickly pulls across a medical cart to block the door as an extra precaution, then practically skids his way over to you across the linoleum.

He drops to his knees, placing his gun down by his side and grasping hold of your chin gently to tilt your head up.

“Sweetheart…?”

The first thing Leon takes in is that you’re breathing. He immediately releases the breath he’s been holding in relief. There’s some tacky blood on your temple from a wound that is already clotting, as well what will end up as a pretty nasty bruise developing under your eye. It doesn’t seem right though – you’re too skilled to take something like that…

He pulls out his knife and slices through the first zip tie, freeing your wrist when he spots a very unwelcome sight – there’s a syringe stuck in the crook of your elbow, obviously administered in quite the hurry.

“Fuck.” Leon pulls it out slowly and holds it aloft, squinting at a small serial code within. He presses his earpiece then, and there’s a couple of beeps before he’s patched through to Hunnigan.

“This is Roost.”

“Roost, Condor One. I’ve located Kestrel – unconscious, looks like she’s been injected with something. There’s a serial on the syringe, run it for me?”

“Ready.”

He recites the numbers, slowly, making sure he’s read them right – a slip might be the wrong diagnosis. There is a tense pause as he hears Hunnigan tap away on the keyboard.

“Got a match. It’s a barbiturate, type of sedative. Good news is Kestrel’s not allergic to any of the ingredients. Usually it’s administered via an IV to keep the patient under, but if it was a controlled dose via syringe she should come round soon.”

“Okay. Good.” He cradles your face with his palm, relieved that it wasn’t something unknown or particularly nasty.

“Did you obtain the info?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got the files. Can we get an extraction?”

“45 minutes ETA, Condor One. Meet it at the helipad – side of the rig - if you can make it there with Kestrel.” He looks down at the map and notes the point, as you let out a soft, sleepy mumble.

“We’re pretty close. Think she’s beginning to wake up. I’ll give her a little longer to come round.”

“Right. Just a warning – that drug is strong.”

“Noted. Condor One out.” He presses the button and the connection drops. He grabs hold of his knife again and slices the remaining zip-tie, pressing a kiss to the indent it’s left on your wrist – bastards - before he places it down gently in your lap, and waits.

--

Leon explores the lab a little further, digging in all the cabinets and drawers he can find. There’s a metal table with some dried blood on it and he reckons after they’d injected you you must’ve hit the deck, or, more literally, the table. He comes up empty-handed of items in search, besides finding your confiscated weapons in a medical tray – he adds them to his own supply, sticking your pistol in his front pocket. By the time he’s finished, you’ve begun to show a few more stirring signs so he makes his way back over, crouching down in front of you to caress your cheek once more.

“Hey, sweetpea,” Leon smiles as you blink repeatedly, trying to get your eyes to focus. “You’re all right, I’ve got you.”

“Huh?” You mumble as the blurs slowly transition into Leon’s face, his features in a mix of concern and relief at you finally regaining consciousness.  

“Took quite the hit, huh?” He drops his hand to your waist and you flinch at the contact, causing him to withdraw. “Sorry, are you hurt there?”

“I’m okay.” You eye him warily as you reply, sitting yourself upright a little more.

“Good.” He lets out a sigh, before rubbing the back of his head. “Not gonna lie, you had me scared for a moment. Come here, sweetheart,” he slips his arm around your waist this time, pulling you forward in what he means to be a gentle kiss, but the second your lips meet he cannot resist taking it a bit further, tangling his hand in your hair to deepen it, swiping his tongue along your bottom lip to gain access within. You relent and he grins into the kiss, darting his tongue against yours and…

A stinging pain on his right cheek from where your palm has collided. There wasn’t a lot of power behind it, but it still makes him pull back. He opens his eyes in alarm and you’re glaring at him, hot tears threatening to spill.

“You bastard.”

The slap, the name – he’s heard you use some pretty colourful language over the years but never directed at him at least – renders him speechless for a moment, his mind trying to catch up with what happened to sweet reunion.

“Baby, what…?“ He reaches a hand out for you again but you slap it away, or at least you try this time - your co-ordination is all off and all you do is bat the air.

“Don’t call me that.” There’s a slur to your words, almost as if you’re drunk. “Back off, buddy.”

“I…”

“I’m married, I’ve got a husband.” You make a point of looking him up and down. “A husband that could kick your sorry ass into next week if he saw you right now.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Leon frowns, thoroughly confused now. “I am your husband.”

You laugh dryly at that. “You wish! He’s, like, ten times sexier than you without even trying.”

He looks down at himself then – he’s in his tactical vest, his usual mission get-up – maybe his hair does need a bit of a trim, but… what are you on about?

“I assure you that’s mathematically impossible.” Leon withdraws a flashlight from his belt and clicks it on, trying to direct it at your pupils. “Does your head hurt?”

“Stop that.” You wince into the light, ducking your head away. He only gets a quick glance but your pupils aren’t reacting as they should – a combination of the sedative and a concussion, maybe? You aren’t going to be a willing patient for him to get a longer look, that’s for sure. “Leave me alone.”

“Uh-uh, you need to listen.” He puts the flashlight back in his belt and cups your face with both of his hands, forcing you to meet his eyes. “I’m Leon, I am your husband. You were sedated and I think you’re concussed - that’s why things seem a little confusing right now, but you’ve got to believe me, sweetpea.”

You blink again, tilting your head in a curious manner before squinting. A delighted smile crosses your face as you take in his face, as if he hadn't already been in front of you this whole time.

“Hi,” you say, breathily. “There you are!”

“Hey.” He smiles. It is weird to see you so ditzy, however he can’t help but admit it is utterly adorable. “I’m here, darlin'. You’ll feel better in a bit, okay?”

“Nah, I feel great, baby.” You place your hand over his and tug it slightly so you can lace your fingers inbetween. “Hey, have I told you how sexy it is when you wear these gloves? We should-"

Your earpieces beep simultaneously and cut off your train of thought, as you both answer out of instinct.

“Condor One, it's Roost. Helicopter’s 20 minutes out. Thought you’d like to know the coastguard has picked up our scientist friends. Any update on Kestrel?”

“Hunnigan, it’s me!” You chirp. “I’m fine. Great.”

“Uh-huh…”

“Please tell me this is an expected side effect.” Leon comments, dryly.

“Yeah, sounds like it. Kestrel’s going to be like that a little while – I’m sure you can handle her, though.”

“By the way, Condor One – excellent. Love it, love you.” You poke Leon in the chest to really emphasise your point. “Roost – makes sense. Kestrel, though? Kestrel’s such a dumb name. I want a cooler one.”

“We don’t pick them, you know that.” Hunnigan replies, tapping away at her keyboard – Leon assumes she’s sending intel to the helicopter medic about your apparent state of mind.

“Well, we should. I'm changing mine." You declare, boldly. "My new codename is gonna be… Mrs Kennedy.”

“You don’t mean that, sweetpea.” Leon shakes his head in disbelief. You’d kept your surname when the two of you had got married – antiquated tradition that didn’t mean anything to him or you – hadn’t ever been an issue. “You don’t like it when people even mistakenly call you that.”

“Mm, that’s not strictly true." You pause to bite your lip and look up at him. "See, I’d really like it if you’d call me that next time we do that thing where y-“ He covers your mouth then, pulling you into his side. He’s now painfully aware of where you’re going with that sentence and it’s not something you - or he - will want recorded on the comms transcript for this mission for all time.

“Okay, Roost, I think we’re gonna head off now to the extraction point.”

“Wise.” The connection cuts out and he lets go of you, about to apologise, but you’re already distracted, looking down at what your hip bumped against when he grabbed you.

“Hey, that’s my gun,” your hand ghosts across his crotch as you try to take it from his pocket. He’s quicker though, grabbing hold of both of your hands and twirling you into his embrace, pressing your back into his chest and crossing his arms in front of you.

“Yeah… Best if I keep hold of it for now, don’t you think, sweetheart?”

“But it’s mine-" You protest. He steps you forward, leaning his chin on your crown as he directs you towards the door.

“You can have it back when you’re feeling a bit more yourself, I promise. Just let me look after you for now, okay?”

“Fine,” you huff out, allowing him to manhandle you forward with no resistance. “Where we going?”

“We’ve got a helicopter to catch.”

--

Satisfied that you’d forgotten about your gun, he settled for just holding your hand tightly as he tugged you up the stairs and to the helipad, keeping an eye on the horizon. It should be here soon – then maybe they could flush whatever it was in your system or you’d sleep it off in the helicopter. You’re not a big drinker – you get a little tipsy off a glass of wine – but this as if you’ve downed a whole bottle, your filter entirely wiped out.

“Leon…” You drawl, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Uh-huh?”

“I’ve been thinking about the debrief…”

“Don’t worry about that right now, darlin’. Let’s just get ourselves home first, huh?”

“No, not that one.” You bite your lip, before your hands slide round and down to his ass, giving it a squeeze and then tugging at his belt to slip below. “I have a different kind of de-brief in mind, if you get what I mean…”

The helicopter blades whir in the distance at last and he thanks his luck, pulling your hands back to around his waist and away from his boxers.

“Don’t you want me?” You pout, pathetically, pushing yourself into his chest. “I do,” he hums, “but not like this, sweetheart. When you’re more yourself we’ll talk, okay?” He presses a kiss to your crown and wraps his arms around you, keeping his eyes focused on the helicopter’s approach.

--

You feel as if you’re hungover – head throbbing and nauseous as you wake. You’d dozed off in the helicopter ride back, vaguely aware at some point of Leon carrying you out and a sharp sting in your arm before you’d fallen asleep again. You’re in the med bay back at HQ, an IV in your arm connected to a bag of fluids and Leon’s sat cross-legged in a chair by the bed, typing away on a laptop.

“Hi.” You mumble and his blue eyes meet yours, his smile creasing the corners of them.

“Hi there. How you feeling?” He closes the laptop and puts it to the side, shuffling closer to you.

“Like I drank way too much. What happened?”  

“Those scientists injected you with a pretty strong sedative and you whacked your head. Mild concussion – headache might hang around a couple of days, I’m afraid.” He hesitates then, curious. “Do you remember the lead up to that at all?”

“No.” You shake your head and regret it when the room spins. “I remember us splitting up and then everything’s a little hazy…” Patchy recollections of conversations circle through your mind. “I think… I remember saying some… things. Weird things.”

“If you count telling me that your husband is ten times hotter than me, then yes.”

“What?” You have to laugh at that one.

“Oh, yeah. Then you tried to get them to change your codename, before finally trying to make debriefing have an entirely different context.” He smirks as your face loses colour in embarrassment. “Didn’t think you had it in you, sweetpea.”

“I… I didn’t.”

“Oh, you did." He licks his lips then, maintaining eye contact. "I've been looking up some of the side effects of the sedative – apparently it can disinhibit you something rotten. Got me wondering though - you keeping some secret desires from me?”

“N-no.” You’re a terrible liar - a poker face in front of enemies, but you always crumble within a second in front of Leon.

He gets to his feet then, circles the bed to clamber in the opposite side of the IV drip and pulls you into his chest, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“Cos, as I told you at the time, I’d be very happy to revisit some of your ideas when you’re feeling better…" He moves his lips down, whispering in your ear. "..Mrs Kennedy.”

--

Comments, likes and reblogs make my whole day x 400 Followers Event.

Masterlist . Requests welcome . Ko-fi

[amourjins]

✦ LATE NIGHT WALK? — k.mj

summary. a late night walk with your best friend, minji! ..except, theres a twist.

pair. non-idol!bsf!minji x fem!reader

content ahead. fluff, (best) friends-to-lovers, wlw, GAYS!!!!, theyre both silly, just a small bit of texting!

notes. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA who couldve guessed! surprise !! take this while you wait for tg…cause ive been procrastinating it a LOT…. (not proofread as we all know.. i proofread on a good day [which is never])

you lie awake in bed as the time read 12:37. you sighed, you didnt want to go to sleep, but you didnt have anything else to do, either.

until, that is, you felt your phone vibrate—a notification. you first shrugged it off, thinking it was some random app you didnt use anymore, but was way too lazy to delete it. after a few seconds, you decided to see what it was, and to your surprise, the notification was a text from your the one and only, kim minji! aka your best(est) friend (ever).

you could feel your tiredness just disappear all in the span of that minute.

you immediately got up from bed once you hearted the text, turning the lights on as you walked to your closet. you didnt want to keep minji waiting, so you figured you would just keep it casual with a shirt and jeans or something.

once you finally got ready, you did some finishing touches before grabbing your phone and bag, and dashing out of there excitedly. when you exited your apartment complex, there she was, in all her glory—minji!

“minji-ah!” you whisper-shouted as you swore she turned her head to you in the blink of an eye. she took her hands out of her pockets and waved at you, smiling brightly. you rushed over, embracing her in a hug as she froze, blushing a little.

“hi!—” she giggled before hugging you back tightly. you let go after a few seconds, making her pout. you didnt notice, though. you were too busy looking around the streets of seoul, wondering where you two should head first.

“mm, follow me!” you spoke, which caught the tall girl off guard, but she immediately followed after you, catching up as she walked beside you. the night sky always had you mesmerized.. but there something—someone else that had you even more mesmerized.

and it was minji.

maybe you started to develop feelings for her over these past few months with her…

you were pretty much certain that she didnt like you back. and as much as that hurt, you had to deal with it. being best friends with her is enough already, and youre grateful. but at the same time, what if she liked you back? it would.. yeah itd probably hurt to confess. but it was now or never, right? now just seemed like the perfect moment.

“crosswalk, idiot!” she reminded as she halted your movements, making you snap out of your thoughts. “oops!.. sorry,” you looked away in embarrassment as she scoffed jokingly.

you silently turned your head back to her. she was looking at the sky, and the scenery around. god, she was insanely pretty. prettier than the scenery around. prettier than anything around.

you tapped her shoulder to get her attention once you were able to cross as you two crossed the street together. your hands suddenly brushed against each other slightly, and even that made minji blush.. you were both equally down bad for each other!

once at the other side, minji’s fingers crawled on your palm before she interlocked her hand with yours, the action making you stunned, but, you werent complaining. who would?

“all the stores are closed.. aw,” minji sighed, pointing at the stores to your left as you two walked past them after a few seconds. “but you know, the convenience stores are still open.” you spoke, as she let out an agreeing “oohh..” followed by a nod. “lets head there then? hope you dont mind the walk though..” she smiled. “as long as im with you, i wouldnt mind at all!” you grinned.

after a short 12 minutes of walking and talking, you guys finally arrived at the convenience store while still holding hands. minji was the first to step in as you came in right after, greeting the staff that stood at the register.

“so, yn..i have, uh,, something to tell you.” minji explained as you two walked out of the convenience store. you and minji spent a decent amount of time in there, talking while having snacks. you two had a great time, and she even paid for everything.. and when you thought you couldnt crush on her more than before.

“oh,” you gulped, suddenly nervous and sweat was trickling down your forehead as you nodded, “i have.. something to tell to you.. as well?” you questioned—yourself. she took a deep breath before continuing, “lets say it at the same time?

“yeah. same time.. same time,” you breathed.

“on 1, okay?”

“3 - 2 - 1–”

“i like you, yn!”

“i like you!”

“wait, what?” you awkwardly giggled, raising an eyebrow at minji. she had her head turned, obviously away from you. her face was bright red…and so was yours.

“..y—youre for real?” minji muttered, not daring to make eye contact. she was looking everywhere but your direction. “what do you think, idiot?” you joked.

“so,, were dating now, right?”

“yeah.. yeah!”

“ill walk you home then?”

“thats absurd, kim minji! spend more time with your new girlfriend, will you?”

“g-girlfriend.. right! yes, okay.”

a/n : 😁😁 send in asks interact with me maybe! ill be answering asks later

[ihaveforgortoomany]

Talking about Isolde's 2.1 garment "And all that Jazz"

(This isn't spoilers for CN since we already know Isolde will join the suitcase but yeah talking about an unreleased skin yippee)

This garment is current my favourite out of all skins currently because it almost gives us a bit of development on Isolde's character post-everything in Vienna.

Voicelines indicate a growing freedom in Isolde ("what should I sing?" and "The show is over but the loneliness persists"), there's a sense Isolde acts less for an audience or expectations of others instead for what she wants - and thats Kakania.

If anyone can figure out what song Isolde is singing please tell me, as her standard garment has her singing parts from Tosca Im assuming. But I think its obvious the person she is singing about is Kakania.

"Take my hand"

"To be yours alone"

"Then I found you"

"Don't let go"

(We only got fragments of the song but stylistically it sounds similar to Druvis' EP or again stretching?)

Its also a giveaway that her outfit now includes much more green highlights, even the nightingale has green more than pink. Kakania did in some way free Isolde's repression - while ofc not realising the disastrous consequences I think it some what helped?

The voice lines here feel like they reference the totally not sad "it was a beautiful dream that I forgot how ugly I was looking at it" scene (still my favourite scene in r1999). Kakania did bring happiness to Isolde's life, there is no changing that but now after everything the both of them stand at a difficult point in their relationship, already unethical as doctor and patient.

Back to a post I made on if Schneider and Isolde could interact what would it be like, it would make sense for the Opera -> Jazz change, WW1 was followed by the Jazz Age by the 1920s. Im wondering had the Storm never occurred, would either Isolde or Kakania had gotten involved in WW1? Would they survive? Ive seen a fic about how they escape to the US where Isolde begins to perform Jazz but yea I love her new garment lol.

[beelzeballing]

actually i dont think ive posted my thoughts on ofmd s2 overall here yet have i?

ok here goes: i think it had incredibly high highs, and at some parts i genuinely enjoyed it more than i did the first season, episode 6 being peak imo. however, it had equally abysmal lows with some glaring writing-, tone- and pacing issues that all came to a head in the finale.

i once read someone say that, if you ever feel like a finale ruined the whole story, maybe you should take another look at the story. there were most likely cracks and problems all along, and the finale did nothing besides dashing the hope that these would perhaps be addressed later. very rarely do genuinely well written stories go completely off the rails in the finale and ruin the whole thing.

i think this is applicable here in some ways, SPECIFICALLY in regards to edward. good god edward was a MESS this season, and it's so sad because i loved the starting point! the kraken era was absolutely terrifying and iconic as FUCK but... they shouldn't have leaned so hard into the drama and trauma of it all. don't get me wrong, i loved that it did. it's one of my favorite parts of the season and i'm so glad we got it. but if they wanted this arc to work with the overarching plot as they wrote it, they would've had to lighten up the tone here CONSIDERABLY. had they played the kraken era for comedy then sure! edward's bad youtuber apology would've been funny. his fast redemption would've been less jarring. the lack of consequences less disturbing. but as it stands in the show, this arc is too dark to function with the later episodes.

i feel like they wanted to have their cake and eat it too here. they wanted the gritty drama of ed coming off the hinges entirely but also didn't want to deal with the aftermath of such a heavy arc in their silly pirate romcom. be that due to time constraints and budget cuts or because they were simply unwilling to, doesn't really matter in the end. the result is the same either way: a very tonally messy season with some accidentally troubling implications regarding abuse.

and mentioning troubling implications regarding abuse; izzy. my poor, poor izzy... his arc was absolutely glorious. i liked izzy the second he showed up in s1 and i was absolutely EATING this season up in that regard. and i think in this case, they genuinely did fuck it all up in the finale with that one stupid choice:

choosing to kill izzy was the DUMBEST thing they couldve done here.

ive talked about this over and over and over again. ive reblogged so many meta posts. and still i am left absolutely flabbergasted by how stupid of a decision this was. the fridging, playing at the fallen woman trope, killing the beating heart of the season and the character who delivers what is essentially a thesis statement, killing off the character whose arc is about coming to terms with his disability, having him die in edward's arms, comforting him and apologizing after an entire season of finding community and love outside of edward, the absolutely godawful pacing of it all, the extremely easy and obvious solution of just having IZZY become the new captain of the revenge to mirror s1 and hammer home how much he has developed since then in one go... i could go on. and i have. it was a stupid writing decision, completely fucked the tone and pacing of the finale and took away attention and time from things that really would've deserved a better wrap up (lucius and black pete deserved better)

now. the whole prince ricky & zheng plot line... yeah that shit sucked ass, sorry. they bit off more than they could chew here. i honestly think those are the arc words of this season:

✨️ bit off more than they could chew ✨️

right off the bat: i think he was good as a concept. bringing in a foil for stede who just doesn't Get It as stede does could've made for very good comedy and drama (and to be fair there is some of that). but that shit got away from them extremely quickly. nothing about how he's implemented past his first episode works, and i think this is very specifically because he's mostly played as the comic relief in his debut episode. making this completely bumbling fool, who gets his nose hacked off on his first job, the main villain of your entire season is... definitely a choice. idk. he didn't work for me at all.

ok wow mentioning shit getting away from the writers. this definitely got away from me. this was supposed to be a short lil post. well. i guess tl;dr i loved this season but jesus christ there was a lot wrong with it. if you want to hear more thoughts. ask box is open. be my guest. i have more to say so even if you dont ask i might add more to this at some point but im tired and have work tmrw.

[agirlwithglam]

how to develop self love and confidence

— a step by step guide by yours truly ♥

disclaimer!! for some people it can take a lot longer to love themselves than others, so don't be discouraged if it takes a bit longer. just remember that no matter what you think, you ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.

step 1: identifying the root cause

first you need to find WHY you dont love yourself. it usually comes down to these main reasons:

society

your looks

comparison

your abilities

childhood trauma

your current situations

it can be just one or more than one, and sometimes it may not be as simple as "my looks", sometimes you may have to dig deeper.

for me, it was because i thought i was "ugly"

step 2: once you know the WHY, research about the topic and try and solve it.

here ive broken down the 6 reasons to help you a bit: (but remember that this is just a small break down, if you want you can research more about the topic & try to battle it)

society: society has tricked us into believing that loving yourself is considered 'vain' or 'narcissistic'. let me tell you right now that THAT IS NOT TRUE. loving yourself is a basic necessity that everyone should have!!

your looks: this is something i struggled with for a loong time. remember that beauty is subjective!! bob could think that travis looks 'average' but Leo could think that travis looks absolutely gorgeous!! ☆ so how did i overcome this? i actually 'glowed up'. bc the main thing i didnt like was face- my teeth to be specific. so once i got braces, my teeth aligned and i started looking so much better. ☆ other struggles: ↴ for you if it may be acne, then you could start trying to take care of your skin better. or if its body image then if you reeeeally dont like it then literally just start working out. if you have the option to yet you still dont then dont complain. but remember that ALL BODIES ARE PERFECT. ★ another thing that helped me a lot was affirmations! i listened to a bunch of affirmations -> i used this video by thewizardliz and it did wonders! (you can also search up on yt self-love/ beauty affirmations)

comparison: for most people comparison comes from social media right? the simple solution to this would be unfollow accounts that dont serve you, or delete/ set a time limit on the social media platform "but what if i compare myself to people i meet in real life?" well we can't exactly unfollow or delete these people but what we can do is turn that jealousy (yes, jealousy) into inspiration! be inspired by the people with greater lives and use that to pull yourself forward! ☆ a quote that i read once (that may or may not help you) : "do not compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 50." you never know what the other person has gone through or is going through that got them to this point!

your abilities: okay theres not much i can say here except that you can learn almost everything online nowadays. stop complaining and get off your lazy butt to prove to yourself just how much potential you have! (but don't beat yourself up for being a lazy butt, im one as well) here is a link to a TON of stuff you can learn online!

childhood trauma: this is a bit of a more delicate subject which i do not know a lot on, my best suggestion would be to just go to therapy (or use an online therapy app- betterhelp). - watching thewizardliz may help as well as she might know more about the topic.

your current situation: whether its trouble with friends, at school, at work, or with family i promise you that these things do not last forever. humans were not put on earth to be unhappy and miserable! (whats the point in that?) my advice is to learn more about the topic (for ex i was struggling with being left out w friends for a while and it did hurt a bit) and see what you can do to fix it or at least make the best out of it. + another reminder that you can use the law of assumption- in basic words the law states that whatever you desire, you have. all you need to do is accept that. heres a quote i read: "if you dont like where you are,, then move. you aint a tree." this is literally YOUR life. RESPECT yourself and dont let people treat you bad because that is disrespecting yourself!

step 3: focus on yourself!!

my favourite step!!

this is your sign to stop focussing on others' lives and start focussing on your own.

when you start to focus on yourself, up level yourself and try to become your best version of yourself, you actually end up falling in love with that version of yourself, and your current version!

ask yourself: is there even something to love?

ask yourself: would you want to date or be friends with someone like you? think actually deep about this; if your answer is no, then that obviously means that there is some work to do.

if you're constantly negative and complaining and rude all the time, trust me, literally no ones gonna want to hang out with you. and then you'll adopt that 'victim mindset' of "nobody likes me and i suck". instead of doing that, why dont you try to just suck a bit less? there isn't any pressure on you to become amazing the next day, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

small things/habits to start:

gratitude

hydration

exercising

journalling

meditation

eating healthy

developing a skill

get enough sleep

take cold showers

taking care of your skin

invest in your appearance

focussing on school/ your grades

go outside! go for walks, be in nature!

changing what you consume (resources below)

some resources that helped me SO MUCH:

♡ thewizardliz

♡ tam kaur

♡ persephone's mind

and meditation! its so extremely underated but SO VALUABLE.

xoxo, vanilla

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

what's your take on odasaku and dazai's idealization of him?

also any takes you want to share about bsd/bsd in general?

(If you don't mind, I'm also interested in your thoughts about verlaine if thats ok 😭) tyty

who's your fave bsd character and whose the character from bsd you want to have more screen time?

i think its another case of projecting onto someone and it fucking things up. like notably how kouyou projects her own feelings abt light & dark onto kyouka. we just dont often see it that way because what oda does is like. stereotypically good? he uses his dying words to push a friend out of the dark. a death motivating others to act and furthering their character development is classic storytelling. you go into bsd knowing dazai is on the "good guys" side (not that the ada are "bad" but obviously reading bsd as a good guys vs bad guys story is. wrong), so clearly it worked out. so you kind of overlook the surrounding events yk? plus dazais own idolization of oda hammers that in. dazai tells atsushi that "He was a friend of mine (...) He’s the reason I quit the Port Mafia and joined the agency. I’d probably still be killing people for the mafia if it wasn’t for him" in dead apple (the lightnovel. im not going to go through pulling up the movie for this fhfhtndj). and so aside from previous bias people are going to take what dazai says at face value. hes thankful oda showed him the "side that saves people" and of course we're going to agree with that. the thing is. again. projection. now i havent actually finished dark era (i am working through it) but a lot of the time it feels like oda is just shoveling off all his feelings about being "someone meant for the darkness" onto dazai when thats something thats not going to be true for. well. anyone really? and his final conversation with dazai is very influenced by that. he says "You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live... (...) You won’t find it (...) You should know that. Whether you’re on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity". now the thing is this is kind of a fucked up thing to say to an 18 year old with suicidal tendencies, but odas view of dazai makes it seem like a well needed wake up call. he obviously had good intentions. hes trying to "step into that solitude" but because of his flawed view of dazai he kind of. stumbles. dazai up to this point has been clinging onto the hope that he'd find a reason to live by observing the entire human experience. now oda comes along and dazai thinks hes found someone who understands him better than anyone, and oda tells him hes not going to find that. ever. so he should become a better person and make the world a good place. and also he's dying. so dazai, as we've seen, takes these words to heart. so hes not going to find a reason to live but he should also make the world a better place. good cool got that. so i think he gets a bit too comfortable being collateral for a good cause. and hes already convinced hes not going to find anything here, so of course hes not going to find anything. does that make sense.

i dont think ive phrased anything correctly here but like anyway i think with all his other friends around he'll be able to sort things out there. i cant see bsd ending without any sort of resolution for him in this regard yk.

[amber-laughs]

I’d love to know ur opinion on Jon’s ships (Jon&Ygritte, Jon&Satin, Jon&Sansa, Jon&Daenerys, Jon&val and so on). I personally like Jonerys but I also find a lot of Jon ships a bit ridiculous lmao

i like Jon and Dany in a very abstract way but it’s hard for me to really get behind them because they haven’t interacted yet if that makes sense. they’re obviously gonna have the largest part to play together in coming books where i think they’ll end up being one of my favorite ships of the series tho

Jon/Satin 10/10 i personally prefer to think of it as Jon being so fucking lonely in his command that he can’t help but take advantage of satin’s position. like when Jon said in adwd he craves company not food hmm i’m lonely and horny and here’s this handsome guy devoted enough to change religions for me and (in amber-laugh’s eyes) is attracted to me so yeah let’s give this a go and then feelings of affection develop from there but it starts out as just a means to an end

Jon/Val my personal favorite of canon possible endings i agree with people who say this is more idealized in Jon’s eyes than it should be but i think that’s part of the fun. she represents something to him that he’ll not only never have but may not even want when it comes down to it. i think that fantasy is part of the fun. if she survives and he does end up going beyond the wall in the end than they’re ending up together in my eyes. she brings out a boyish side of him we haven’t seen in a long time and it comes from a different place than what Ygritte brought out in him that seems to sit easier on his soul. also i could’ve sworn the first time i looked them up on tumblr someone was calling them JonValJon as a Les Mis reference but ive never seen it since so can we start that?

Jon/Ygritte loved it for the storyline it brought and the character development we got to see through it. i’m glad she died so they couldn’t end up together because like i said even tho he loved her she obviously never sat right with his spirit and on a personal level her “fuck me or die” stance never sat right with my spirit either. and she kicked ghost out “find somewhere else for ghost to sleep tonight” NOT ON MY WATCH! ghost’s evil stepmother ik he smiled when she got shot. on a serious note tho he seems to love her far more after she died than he ever did when she was alive and i wonder if that’s something we’ll get in to if he falls in love again in the series

i like Jon/Sansa in a non canon fictional sense. some of the AUs are cute and fun. i don’t see any plot where they actually end up together but i do think there’s a lot of familial angst and self esteem issues that could be worked in to their fanon that’s a lot of fun and their fans have some really talented authors that do it well

and you didn’t ask for this but Jon/Alys Karstark is one of my favorites and i really hope we see her again when he travels back to winterfell. Alys resents the Starks for getting her family killed while Jon resents the Karstarks for leaving Robb to die surrounded by enemies but they’ve found childhood comfort together at the edge of the world. she trusts him in a way she clearly couldn’t trust anyone else in westeros and i think she’ll easily follow him when it’s time for him to lead. and them flirting at her wedding to another man? i mean COME ON!

[kalcifers-blog]

IRIS FILES - ROBBIE THE ZOMBIE

CW - Physical/Mental Deterioration, Derealization, Rotting Alive, Zombification, Bugs/Insects, Medical Horror

Word Count: 994

Character Count: 4,271

CLASSIFICATION: ALTR 181502

ALTR AGE: 24 YRS OLD

ALTR HEIGHT: 5 “5

ALTR SEX: X

ALTR STATUS: UNSTABLE

ALTR INFO: 18152 contracted an unknown illness after an encounter with ALTR 114209. He was advised to keep track of his symptoms in the form of a journal; IRIS Researchers have secured the journal to track 18152's both physical and mental development.

08/09/2016

“Not been great lately, I've had cold or flu symptoms for the past two weeks, really has been messing with my focus, not great for when I'm trying to study or play as well as I usually can but I've been pushing through it!

I'm still a bit shaken up from that creepy ass guy from last month- it messed with me. I'm glad IRIS is here to help out with my case tho, hopefully they catch the freak. I keep getting all fidgety and anxious whenever I'm out in public. I mean I guess that's normal after something like that but still, doesn't make it easier. I would hang out with friends to make me feel safer but I don't wanna get them sick, hopefully this'll pass

-R”

15/09/2016

“God my head will not stop pounding, I got my headache about 2 days ago, it started off only occasionally but god it just keeps flaring up and more often. My flu hasn't gotten any better. It makes it hard to do anything, I keep getting by, slowly but surely.

-R”

22/09/2016

“Been bed ridden this week- I thought rest would probably help but, every time I sleep I keep dreaming of that guy- I don't remember it fully and it's probably just some weird trauma thing but he keeps.. I don't really know how to describe it? He keeps warping. I don't know its probably just some dream shit”

29/09/2016

“haven't been able to eat properly.. keep feeling this itch on my neck, its not bad just annoying mostly. My phone hurts my eyes. Keep dreaming of creeper.im sure he didn't actually look like that. Sorry for the bad handwriting, I'm so tired nd my hands hurt. Might try sleeping again”

30/09/2016

“woke up and puked, pretty badly too- dreaming of that guy hurts my head”

05/10/2016

“Really should call a doctor I think. I did call IRIS, I'm sure I did, they said they'd send someone over. No one came- my body hurts, everywhere it's just this dull ache. I might try

and shower or something. I don't know what to do at this point- no ones coming I've waited and waited and no one showed. The itching got worse, I don't know what's wrong with me I just need someone to come help”

“Why is no one answering my calls???”

12/10/2016

“Tried to shower, clumps of my hair just- came out. I just cried something is wrong with me I called IRIS again I told them it was urgent and I need help. The creeper answered me. It couldn't have been real- but it made me throw my phone accidentally. It broke and I can't get it to work again. I can't keep going on like this. The itching keeps spreading too- it now feels like things are crawling in my organs. I can't scratch there”

“Threw up again, mostly blood- it was clumpy, I think it was bits of my throat. It hurts my throat to breathe let alone talk”

16/10/2016

“The man in my room can't be here- I didn't let anyone in, he shouldn't be here”

23/10/2016

“I found out why I feel like there things crawling in me. I threw up a dead bug. The itching keeps going. I think I need to leave”

“I left my apartment. The air stung and I felt everyone's eyes on me. I don't care i just need help”

“IRIS won't let me in. Or near anyone.”

30/10/2016

“They're keeping me here. They keep giving me things. They poked IVs in me- the skin just teared away. It hurt so much, it feels good to actually be given medication. It's not kicked in yet but I think it should soon. The nurse gave me a funny look when I described my creep to him. I don't know, I just wanna sleep”

IRIS Supplemental:

ALTR 181502, previously known as Robert “Robbie” James, was announced as clinically dead to the public on 05/11/2016. Within the IRIS Foundation however it should be known that ALTR 181502, while maintaining a “corpse-like” appearance, is very much alive. IRIS researchers and medics have been working on a plausible theory on the rapid and alarming decline in ATLR 181502’s health after an apparent encounter with ALTR 114209. This variation of effects with 114209 seems to be an outlier. But until a working theory has been confirmed, the containment is highly necessary for both ALTR 181502 and for the wider public. Some IRIS staff have left due to unknown illnesses after contact with ALTR 181502. Their symptoms are yet to be examined but they are all in highly secure quarantine zones until they are confirmed to not be carrying a “Zombie Virus” as the research staff seem to be calling it.

As for ALTR 181502- exact details of his initial encounter with ALTR 114209 are documented in his original report to IRIS. His condition remains unpleasant. And it seems the best we can hope for is to keep him in containment until we understand what's going on.

The journal, as well as the remainder of ALTR 181502's belongings have been quarantined or burned. We managed to digitise his IRIS issued journal for the research sake. In said journal we believe the figure he describes is ALTR 114209- as it is within it's behaviour to torment it's victims while they are in mental distress.

It was discovered, by one such medic, after attempting an autopsy on ALTR 181502, that he is very much no longer human. If the hive of moth larvae that has eaten away at all of his organs have anything to say about it at least. How he still is living, albeit not pleasantly, is about as good a guess as yours as it is mine.

End Supplemental.

[juni-ravenhall]

updated these since the old ones were from 2020. not much is different, erased with white a bunch of options to make it easier to look at for me, changed some minor numbers that dont rly matter bc its not that easy to put those numbers down anyway.

some talk thats mostly about their relation to me and stuff about me instead of stuff about them below ⬇ (actually i should fill one of those out for me myself too. that could be fun)

i adjusted junis brother a bit focusing on just how hes like at the moment of having been rescued to jorvik, rather than thinking about his potential "real personality" if he was able to heal and become a more developed person instead of just full of trauma. i do want to eventually do something with the concept of what if he healed, or what if he hadnt been abandoned in pandoria to begin with? if hes intj like me (his behaviour is based on how i am when im completely broken down, which sadly has happened a lot in my life) then what would it be like to see him healthy and happy? its stuff id like to think about more eventually

also filled in that juni is enfj. back then i wasnt so sure what parts of her were different than me, over time i developed it and she really clearly became enfj. we both share high Ni aka my dominant function as intj but her dom Fe plays into the whole constantly being in contact w ppl thing - im also very caring and loyal, and i genuinely want to save everyone on earth and want everyone to be healthy and happy. i want society to be fixed (and ive got the ideas) and i want ppl to be kind and loving to each other. me and juni share that. but for me, i cant really handle talking to normies much bc their reality is just too different than mine. juni has no problem socialising with anyone, even if she ofc also has ppl shes the closest to and others who she might not get along with as much, its still easy for her bc Fe just has that harmonising feelings thing with others that i dont have (and being a dominant extrovert function, and not being ND, shes also not as exhausted by socialisation).

for me with low Fi i just dont really get much out of socialising for socialisations sake. its part of why i cant handle being on discord servers and stuff like that. i dont "vibe" with people in that way, i want to actually have interesting and intimate conversations and learn more about my friends, their backstory, their problems (can i help them?), their deep and genuine feelings (not stemming from copying others and peer pressure, group-think is extremely irrelevant to me and i dont view people differently if theyre supposedly in-group or out-group - im interested in everyone as an individual). for my whole life ive just been too different and for many reasons not been part of normie's society, so its just really alien to talk to normies. (as in, the abuse and isolation, the disability, the ptsd and depression, the queerness, and also just being intj, not really having a normal brain. i often wonder if the ppl who say bad things about mbti - besides the obvious "job and school mbti use is bad" yeah it is - have known what its like to just not be able to relate to almost anyone around you ever when it comes to personality. even online, even in a nerdy group, even in a place with ND people, even with queer people, even with disabled people, youre still different. you still cant relate. for me, finding out that im just a weird personality type was really important, and then i was able to study other ppl's personality types and now i actually get why people behave the way they do and why society functions the way it does for better or worse. which is a great thing to understand imo. the "omg mbti bad bc jobs and school and the tests are dumb" is one thing, but studying the functions and really truly diving into how other people function and how theyre different from you and how you all work and how the human history of the world has happened, is beautiful to me.)

as a low Fi person, with a focus on 1-on-1 connection rather than groups, i focus on talking intensely to the beloved weirdos on my computer, or posting my rambles and reading you guys rambles in return. u guys prob dont even realise, but for a lot of u, i remember like... u posting about ur job or school one time. what u posted about that u wanted to do or what ur upset about. i think about what ur ocs symbolise, why u write them that way, what part of ur personality and your lived experience, your feelings, makes u project this or that on characters. i think that a lot of ppl treat social media as a more shallow and "a drop in the ocean" type of thing, but for me, even ppl ive not talked to much on my dash, if youve been my mutual for some time, i think about you and remember things about you. if you post music i listen to it both to see if i might like the song but also bc im interested in what you like. i like learning things about people around me, the same way i like learning things about the world in general and spend obscene amounts of time studying and analysing the world both in its current and past. its an intj thing because its about my dominant Ni function, which loves analysing patterns and taking in information to process. but i dont mean that in a cold way, its an intimacy and friendship to me to learn things about you and understand you. not to "vibe" but to really know someone and see the puzzle pieces of their life. im very much about all the puzzle pieces that makes you You. im not saying its wrong to vibe and chill instead of analysing your mutuals like puzzles, just that this is something thats very different from how i am, and its been hard for me in life to relate to the way most people are.

idk if anyones reading this but some of you also prob noticed that i will pop out of nowhere and talk to you about some random thing you posted thats interesting to me, or send you a message of support if youre going through hard times. i remember when you posted that you were really sad and i notice that youre having a hard time when you post that youre sad again a month later. idk, its hard for me because im not always very emotional in a way that other people understand. i can come off as cold or quiet which in turn can come off as disinterested. but i just wanted to write it somewhere, to put out into the cosmos, that actually i care a lot about the little creatures on my dashboard and i hope that you notice even if my personality and behaviour is a bit different than what people are used to. people project mean things on me sometimes because im confident, for example, or because i stand up against things i think are harmful. because im not "loyal" if i tell a friend that theyre being rude, or im "rude" if im saying capitalism is bad. i can be projected as controlling (telling people "no" when theyre mean) or self-important (being confident in my skills and analysis) and other negative traits which is really unfair to do to someone just bc theyre different. to me i view everyone equally and i will tell off a friend if i have to, without meaning anything unkind by it. idk. ill stop rambling now bc its too much again (high Te will also do that) but i just have feelings and thoughts about that my beloved mutuals dont even know that theyre beloved and that my way of expressing myself is weird and its hard to live in society based around ppl who are very different than me in many ways. but learning mbti / jung functions was really great for me to feel understood and to understand others.

[ar3ndoesarson]

Anytime he goes away

Hello, long time no see. This is probably going to be a bigger project (both because I have so much planned and because I'm struggling with realizing my plans for this fic).

I based this title off of "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers.

Hope you enjoy :^)

"I still don't get why they went like 'Yup mhm these bright-ass neon lights are exactly what our patients should have to look at on a daily basis." Lance looks up at the ceiling lamps and nods his head dramatically. "I mean if I had to lie in that bed all day, staring at this monstrosity of a light source I'd probably also develop a depression!"

"Lance I thought you're here to keep me company? Or would you rather spend your day arguing about design choices of a goddamn hospital?" "It's not just a design choice, it's a health hazard, Keith!" Lance jumps up from his chair and points at the lamps like Keith wouldn't know what he was even talking about. Like he didn't have to stare at said lamps for the last week.

Keith had been brought a few days ago, six to be exact. Lance had counted because six days seemed like a long time to keep someone because they had fainted. But then again he didn't know why Keith had fainted.

"You wanna go grab a snack? I'm starviiinng" the blue Pladin said slumping down in his chair. "Sure" Keith said whilst shrugging his shoulders. He kind of looked forward to getting out of his bed, because it meant he would have something else to look at than a boring white wall. And because it meant Lance came to visit.

Lance stared whilst Keith sat up from his bed and grabbed his IV pole for support to get up. Apparently they had to do some testing on Keith or whatever, nothing to worry, he had said and dismissed the topic with a shrug when Lance had asked about it.

The paladins made their way through the corridors with idle chit chat (half of it being Lance going on about how dull and dreary the whole hospital looked, to which Keith would reply that it was designed to be practical, not look pretty).

They made their way to the hospitals cafeteria, an alcove in the wall. It was still painted an unnatural white, but a few windows and cute seating areas across the space managed to make the room look actually a bit cozy. Once inside, they ordered and sat down at a table to wait for their food. From where he sat, Lance could see outside the alcove into the rather busy hallway they'd come from. A few nurses walked past, looking rather stressed. One of them turned their head looking in Lances direction. He gave a quick nod but got only a confused glare back.

A few minutes passed and they finally got their food, when the nurse from before reappeared and made their way to the two former paladins. "Keith, what are you doing here?" they asked. His head shot up in surprise, he hadn't even noticed the nurse until now. "Uh... I'm eating?". The nurse shook their head and then; "Come with me for a second, will you?".

Without any questions the black haired boy got up and followed the nurse a few steps away. Lance couldn't make out what they were saying, but it seemed like Keith was being scolded. He pointed his gaze to the ground for the most part, only once raising his head and taking up a defensive stance. If Lance could make it out right, it almost looked like he was afraid for just a second. Just as Keith turned to walk back to their table the nurse called after him one more time. "You know just as well as I, that you shouldn't."

When Keith sat back down, he didn't talk about it, and Lance didn't ask.

In hindsight he should've.

[onthepyre]

my dear moot. so gallavich are fuckbuddies and the ian leaves and becomes an emt and then what??? how do they get back together? do they like. see each other in the couple years between because of mandy or other people or do they go no contact?? if it's no contact then why do they see each other again?? i desperately need to know. i'm invested in this au definitely more than i should be since i haven't even finished the show yet but like. it's amazing. i'm obssesed

omg hi!!!!!! thank you so so much for the question. i swear im still spinning this au around in my head ive just been so very preoccupied lately but i intend to write about that first night in the bar soon so keep an eye out for that. BUT! i will put the answer to this under a cut because it got longwinded.

so i want to start with why things fizzle out in the first place. they start up very much like canon gallavich - ian is ass over teakettle for mickey, and mickey, while definitely interested, isn't nearly as invested. things diverge from their canon characterization around the time of mick and svet's marriage. ian remains pissed, but rather than fucking off to the army, he stays - and it triggers his first major depressive episode.

and then mickey's like....... dude what the fuck is going on with you. because mickey, at this point, has bigger fucking fish to fry. instead of him being ian's main caretaker during this time it falls on the other gallaghers and mickey's just sort of around, in the periphery, and then when ian hits that manic upswing again, a LOT of the insane reckless shit he does is with or for mickey. but they never hit that deeper connection that we see gallavich develop in seasons 4/5 because they're just too fucking busy

so then ian quits work, and that's fine, but that means he and mickey dont really see much of each other anymore. they try to keep things up for a little bit, but it's just not really convenient since they aren't constantly in the same place, and so they're just kind of like, well whatever.

(they are both secretly very sad about this. but neither of them wants to come out and say that. so they just don't.)

and yeah, they do end up seeing each other a little, because ian and mandy are still friends, and she's probably so, SO tired of his bullshit, because he tells her all of these conflicting feelings he's having. she drops these stupid-obvious hints to mickey, but he's got a thick skull. so mostly she just pesters ian.

and then a little over a year goes by before the next major event - eventually they kind of put each other in the back of their minds, not really forgotten but not a main figure anymore. maybe ian gets a boyfriend, for real. but he still hasn't exactly nailed the balance of his meds, and though he doesn't experience the full spectrum anymore, there's definitely periods of time that...... aren't quite right. so he finds himself in one of those, and he gets off work and, well, that bar he used to work at is kind of close. and he kind of misses that messy thing he had going with mickey. and he drops in.

he gets more than a little tipsy at the bar, hanging around waiting for mickey to come in - and eventually he does. and ian isn't really sure how to approach this, but you know what always worked for him? starting a fight. so he does that. he calls mickey over, brings him outside, and just fucking. socks him in the face. and it does what ian wants it to! they beat the shit out of each other, take a little breather for mickey to ask what the fuck that was about, and in response, ian kisses him. they barely make it inside before their pants are off.

but ian, for the most part at least, has his life on track right now. he can't get involved in organized crime, he's a fucking emt. he has shit to be doing. his brother's a cop, even if a corrupt one. so he leaves that night, as much as it pains him, and puts it in the past. for a bit.

but FUCK! it hurts more this time. it SUCKS, suddenly, very badly. he wants nothing more than to go back again and apologize and start over, start it again the right way. and though ian loves mandy, he doesn't really trust her judgement on this specific thing. so he confides in lip. lip says, no dude, you did the right thing. don't spend more time around them than you need to. and ian takes that advice! for a little while.

another ten months goes by. it's been two years - two years! - since they had a regular thing going. and really? they're still stuck on each other. mickey very nearly reaches out a few times, but svet worries they'd be spending too much time with the gallaghers. and mickey trusts her.

thing is? yev's a clumsy kid. when he's about three, mickey turns his back for all of ten seconds and yev pulls a pot of boiling water down from the stove - and onto himself. it only really gets his arm, but it's a LOT of his arm, and naturally, mickey freaks the fuck out! and like, ive mentioned this offhand before, but he and svet are STUPID protective over their boy. like, would kill for him protective. so he calls 911. guess who shows up?

ian. of course it's ian. so they treat yev and get everything sorted out, but fuck, if watching mickey be a good dad isn't, for some fucking reason, the hottest thing ian's ever seen. and he misses him! by this point, he misses him so goddamn bad. can't get mickey out of his head. so he says, hey, you still have my number. give me a call in a couple days, let me know how yev's doing. i can come check on him, change the bandages.

and mickey calls him that night, actually. ian's like, did something happen, is yev okay? and mickey says, yeah he's fine. do you want to get dinner. and ian says yes, jesus christ, please.

and they're like, actually pretty normal from then on out. they remain ian and mickey, so of course there's ups and downs. but they're ian and mickey again.

[alaydabug2]

I'm in the car and I'm bored en

SO HERES A LIST OF MY MEDICAL ISSUES IVE HAD THROUGHOUT LIFE 😃

Vaugly related to my fanfic

Tetrology of Fallot (tof): congenital (born with it) heart defect that is basically 4 defects in 1 (I do not have the energy to look up or type all those scientific words rn so sorry)

I've had 3 open heart surgeries to fix it o e at 8 days 10 months and 5 years

Died 6 times on the second one 😃

Ngl life isn't too different with it

If you don't count the yearly doctor visits and can't play contact sports

I mean there's more to it that that obviously but it's mainly small things like getting out of breath quicker and I bruise easy because of having to take baby asprin

BUT the doctors ORIGINALLY said I was never gonna be able to walk or talk or do anything for myself

God vetoed that decision 😌

NOW I NEVER SHUT UP 😁

Got a nifty battle scar down my chest as a souvenir ☺️

And I used to be called smurf baby cause I turned blue alot

I make jokes about it now (hush I'm allowed to )

Ngl pretty sure I'm short cause failure to thrive as a baby cause of that 😭

Don't think there's any scientific backing on that tho for tof patients

Imperferated anus + colostomy bag: basically means I was born without a butthole

Not even joking on that i wasnt

But had to have three gastrointestinal surgeries from that

Don't know the ages or many details but I'm pretty sure I was two for the last one

And I had to have a colostomy bag

Thankfully don't remember it

Buy my waste went into a bag that had to be changed out

Ik it got infected so the scar is bugger than it should be

Seizures: if you've read my fanfic that's explained in detail for how it feels

But that was from aged 5-10

We never found the specific reasons for it

But we do hypothesize it has something tk do with possible scar tissue on my brain

Either from a heart attack/stroke/lack of oxygen from my second heart surgery is what we think it could be from

During a seizure my heart would start beating weird (not good description ik but idk how to describe it really) and my vision would start to tunnel out my tongue would tingle and then I'd black out

During a seizure I couldn't hear anything or see anything but my head would completely start to tingle

From my parents I was told during them I would stiffen up and lock my joints and almost seem to hyperventilate

It was control moderately well by medicine but I thankfully do not have them anymore

Hard hearing: im not like deaf or anything nor do I use hearing aids but my hearing isn't what it should be for a normal teenager lol

This is because during one of my heart surgeries they gave me a drug used on horses and a little too much if it at that (ketamine?)

Legally blind: yeah come to find out last year found out my eye sight is actual crap

Without my glasses I am legally blind

I've got 20/200 vision 😭

So I've got these crazy thick glasses now

Tourretts: neurological disorder where I make these random noises and movents

Got diagnosed back in sixth grade

My tics ate ill make various sounding noises (all kinda of variations of a hiccup for visualization) and my head will jerk back

It was awful before we found out what it was

Got picked on for it quite a bit and a certain teacher of mine essentially told me "just stop bro lol" and I'd get sent out of class for it even after we had doctor notes for it

Just get up out of that wheel chair then then buddy ☺️

They'd get set off my certain things

Music being one of them so I would carry around these earbuds when there was music around so it didn't get set off

I'm on medicine now for it and it's a LOT better

And a recent development (in the past 6 months) I've been able to listen to music again!

The tourretts aren't going away tho

If over been without medicine for more than 2 days it's BAD

Ovarian cyst (possible pcos?) : this has happened over this summer so you already got some rants on that lol

Buy I've got an 8cm cyst on my left ovary

Hurts like a beach 😃

In fact this Friday I was holed up in my room hyped up on narcotics cause of it

Fun stuff 🙂

Surgery is supposed to be on October 5th so we'll see how that goes

Yeah so medical history of mine 😃

That's fine

We'll see what comes next to the collection I can add

Also here's some pics of a couple of my scars (that I can show several are in places I'm not keen of people seeing 😅)

That's my colostomy scar

And near the top you can see a scar from a chest tube from my third heart surgery

And here's a really good picture of my heart surgery scar that I have (goes down to under the ribcage)

On my neck you can see a breathing tube scar

At least I think that's what it is

Also the corner of my lip I have a scar from some sort of tube from surgery (can't see it well on camera

Tbh idk what half these tiny scars are from

I just know they're remnants of surgery

Any way I do know kw I have a couple of other chest tube scars

But they are not in places to be shown

Same with a few dimples near my tail bone from gastrointestinal surgery

But those are there too

[queenlybeastly]

I normally don’t make my own posts on here because of certain reasons however i do want to say something about the newest Planet Of the Apes movie.

Specifically the shipping. The shipping of the MC Noa and the human character Mae.

Stop here if you don’t wanna get spoiled about the movie or if you’re already hating what might be said.

TW for: general cursing, mentions of incest and sexual stuff.

To clarify, i love interspecies relationships. Ask any moots of mine or even look at what i reblog when it comes to those types of ships.

However seeing this ship has rubbed me the wrong way.

I haven’t seen the movie, I’m planning to just not in theaters, but ive gone through the POTA tag on both here and on tiktok. From what I’ve seen and gathered the arguments for this ship are “look! They have chemistry! Noa wouldn’t have done all this for Mae if he didn’t like or have some feelings for her!” “the cast and crew hinted a love story for them!” And even “if you hate this ship even though you like interspecies, youre a hypocrite”

But i have some thoughts on all of this.

1) Chemistry doesn’t mean romance. Two or more characters can have the most amazing chemistry and still likely be friends or platonic soulmates/kindred spirits. And that’s what I’m most likely leaning towards when it comes to these two characters.

Yes they have long gazes, yes he saves her and she saves him, yes they both look up at the stars at the end. But i feel like that’s what two people may go through if they’ve went through the events Noa and Mae have gone through.

And if anyone thinks I’m not for this ship because of the lack of sexual nature of these two then get out. Leave. Block me. I may reblog funni haha horni posts but that’s not all of my damn personality. Thinking that is inherently gross.

2) The interspecies aspect is… odd. Mainly cause I don’t think these two are a interspecies relationship at all. Genetically we share a lot of DNA with primates. Culturally the apes in the current movie are currently going through their own age of civilization that can be comparable to pre Sumeria. They’re developing their own tools, customs, language, are training animals for hunting and are gathering. While interesting from an anthropological perspective they’re evolving the same way humans have.

You can apply the last bit to any fictional species but to me its like watching a distant cousin learning how to ride a bike.

I would deem interspecies romance as shipping characters that aren’t related to the human race at all. Apes and us shared a common ancestor. So, not interspecies.

3) This entire franchise may be fictional… but that’s what worries me. People as of late will shut off their brain if it means shipping something that is obviously problematic.

Case in point? House of Dragons.

I will not touch that show because of the shipping wars. I hated watching tumblr go googly eyed for when a young teenage Rhyneara was crushing over her uncle. Hell i even saw a post where someone got a pic from a trailer that showed a hand over hers and going ‘oh my god guys shes finally gonna bone her uncle!!’ As if incest was suddenly okay even from a literary standpoint. Even if it happened in the lore and books. This is why I think the entirety of The Game of Thrones universe should not have been created.

But this is what we have been seeing.

Just because something is fictional doesn’t mean it can’t happen in real life. And if we normalize something that should remain fictional people are gonna think its okay.

TLDR; I will only see Mae and Noa as platonic soul mates. And that will remain unless something happens where its not gonna be problematic.

Oh! And please don’t bring up the Harkness test when it comes to the validity of this ship. That’s a whole other rant for a whole other day.

[extremely-burnt-sugar]

Hi if it's okay can I please ask for a yandere Astolfo or vanitas

With a Yuutsu darling where he grows very attached to her

She is an OC of mine you can find more information about her on my page here on Tumblr you don't have to take this request if you don't want to

AHHHHH! I'm so excited this is the first request ive received on tumblr! Plus the first request I have received for VNC in general!

I love the art for your oc! she's adorable!

I had to look up what yuutsu was, and it said dark, gloomy and depressed. so I am very excited to write about this, I am an ameture author so please give me constructive criticism! :DD

I was also unsure if this was an x oc request or just an x Reader so I went for the safe side and did an x reader.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YANDERE! VANITAS X YUUTSU! READER

Vanitas:

At first he found you slightly annoying, you were always so sad, it was just plain boring! But after spending a bit of time with you he grew to like you. Everything about you even the bad.

Soon he became un-reasonably jealous, over the smallest things too! He once got jealous when you had a conversation with Noe!

That was the point when he realized he had developed feelings, and not even just like a small crush, he realized he had become completely infatuated with everything you did!

After a short period of time you had started to notice small things would be going missing randomly, and it wasn't like any of them had any coordination other than you owned them.

small things, like your toothbrush, a pair of underwear or two, the pillow case you had gone to wash, your favorite perfume.

He didn't know it was unhealthy, We all know how he was raised he didn't have the best role models for what love should look like.

It's not like he can help it anyway, Vanitas just finds you so endearing! even when you're being all sad and negative, he just loves you so much he cant not like everything!

However he doesn't like anything having to do with any self destructive habits or tendencies, he cant have you getting hurt now can he.

Whenever you start to talk about ho much you hate yourself his heart breaks, He just can't understand why you don't like yourself!

He's so loving and sweet whenever you hit an especially bad depressive episode he'll help you take care of yourself, bringing you food and water, getting you out of bed to take warm showers with him, keeping your room just a little cleaner. It may be small but it does help

He also finds a strange amount of comfort in things typically deemed "gloomy" by society, it just reminds him of his darling so much!

If your spirits are especially low he will just hug you, he may be a major tease but even he can tell when to stop.

[aingeal98]

hey its the evil dentist anon (now off anon!) and you got me thinking about cass and children. bc like, imagine her holding a kid, maybe even a baby. maybe she saved them from a fire, a car accident, maybe she is just holding somebodys kid for a second. and she thinks huh. i was this small once. and cain did all of that to me. and like, what she thinks next is very dependant on where she is in her journey of self perception. at certain points of it (like in your excellent fic 'shame, fear and how you play the game'!) she might not consider herself as human as the child shes holding. like obviously cain was a monster, but shes at least glad that it happened to her and not another "real" child like mad dog or his other attempts. second option is i think after a lot of healing, when cass is able to come to terms a bit more with everything, that horrible realization that cain hurt his children over and over again trying to create a weapon with no will of their own, that he did not see any of them as she sees children (nobody better than cass, i think, to admire the beauty and fragility of life in them) and like. feel all of these horrible realizations wash over her as she holds this child that will never experience anything similar if she can help it, bc she desperately wants to use her abilities to protect others, specially the powerless.

sorry for the essay, ive got cass cain on the brain, as you know.

Evil dentist formerly anon! Welcome :D

Cass and kids is so important to me I rotate it in my mind every day. I wonder what it looks like when she saw a baby for the first time. Did Cain bring one in so that she wouldn't get surprised, or did she only see them when she ran away? How different was their body language compared to everyone else? She says herself that her playmates were assassins. If she ever met anyone her own age or younger they would likely also be a trained fighter brought by their parents/handler to test their abilities.

All this to say the first time Cass held a baby would have probably been both weird and terrifying in a way. And yeah she definitely wouldn't be able to perceive herself as ever being one of them. Like technically of course she knows she was once like them but the chasm between her own perception of herself and how she'd view something so tiny and innocent is so vast she'd struggle to reconcile them.

But then later on, once she developed enough to view herself as a person who, if not deserving of love is at least someone who is human enough that she doesn't need to reject it when offered... Hoo boy yeah. If she thought about everything she went through while looking at a baby and realizing that no she really was like that once and her father really did put someone tiny and innocent and helpless through all the hell she suffered... Pain. So much pain. It would take her so much healing to be able to acknowledge that though, Cass's instinctive response before gaining any sense of self love is "Well obviously you should never put a baby what I went through. But I'm ME so it's not a problem." and everyone around hers response is babygirl you did not deserve to be abused. Which is true of course but Cass wouldn't see it that way. It's not about what she did or didn't deserve, it's about how she loved the fighting, loved the training, loved her dad. So clearly she was never a regular baby, but the fact that she was capable of throwing a shuriken at the target and hitting it dead center before she could even walk does not actually make how Cain treated her any more justified. And it takes Cass a while to really understand that and understand her own anger.

And if she ever catches someone abusing kids... Remember that time a mobster tried to kill someone with a gun and she made sure their hand hurt too much to pull the trigger a full year later? Yeah if she ever sees you slapping a child you are losing your hand privileges. No one can stop her from doing it too like she doesn't care if they think she's going too far. They hurt their kid she makes sure they can never do it again. Simple.

Also I really love the headcanon that as well as taking on her adopted father's mantle as the Batman, she also has his habit of adopting kids. Only the projection is different so the first two kids Cass adopts are a child who's parents were murdered so that he could be trained as a killer (which Bruce is a tiny bit judgemental over because he knows full well she's projecting like he was with Dick. But it's fine the child never actually killed someone, Cass took down the ring before they could force him to. He's just traumatized from everything else.) and a baby assassin who was raised in essentially a survival of the fittest situation and killed both all the other kids and his handlers by the time Cass found him. (This one Bruce is a little more judgemental over, but Cass does not care. This is his grandson now. The murders are a part of him and she loves him despite that.)

30 year old Cass, showing up at her and Steph's apartment in the middle of the night covered in blood: Hey guess what :D

Steph: Cass I swear to god if that's another fucking kid you're hiding behind you-

Cass, picking up her new child (also covered in blood) and showing them to Steph like a kitten: Their name is Max they have no family no one can understand them better than me and it would be nice for Roman to have a baby sibling.

Steph, sighing and grumbling but too tired to deal with this shit: I'll get Babs to send over adoption papers in the morning.

[thirsty-boba-fett-posts]

Part IV of a fic that needs a name and, if we’re being honest with each other, a bit more direction. Eventual smut, but apparently I like a slow burn and lots of character development.

Parts I, II, and III are all available should you need them. I hope this fic finds the audience who needs it the most.

tw: rather large arachnids, misogyny, objectification, trauma, erotic longing, Daddy kink (if you squint)

…

She got along well with all manner of animals, domestic and otherwise, so what transpired when the small contingent of diplomatic emissaries, ministers plenipotentiaries, and a dull-eyed prince arrived should not have surprised Daimyo Fett.

The Princess was less inclined to wander than when he’d first met her on Brao, so after a few weeks Fett left her to her own devices. She still accompanied him into town with Fennec and the Gamorreans, but otherwise she was free to do as she liked. The Princess and Drash became fast friends, as he suspected they would. Drash was ill-suited to be the handmaiden of a princess, but that was just as well. What The Princess needed was a partner in crime. When he heard them giggling together, he was reminded how young she was and he felt a pang of guilt for finding her so attractive.

The contingent arrived at midday, hailing from The Princess’ home system - the neighboring planet Tilmov from which the system took its name. Fett, having spent the morning receiving tributes and hearing grievances, had seen neither hide nor hair of The Princess when 8D8 announced the names and ranks of each member of the pompous little flock of politicians and royalty. Somehow, Fett knew this was about her.

Fennec snorted audibly when Minister Plenipotentiary Sanroinov made the offer. In exchange for The Princess’ hand in marriage (as if it was Fett’s to give) there would be a surprisingly hefty dowry and a treaty with the acting Prime Minister of Brao absolving her of her father’s crimes and thus the death penalty.

“LEP,” Fett called to the ratcatcher droid. “Fetch the princess. Have her come to the throne room.”

Her fancy-bred tooka, having taken to Fennec, sauntered lazily into the throne room and made his way to her side. She lifted him up and held him in her arms like a baby.

“Fru, can you believe these pompous little dwarfnuts?” she murmured in her best approximation of baby talk.

Fett chuckled.

In walked The Princess, as regal as ever, carrying a burlap bait bag with a Dune Spider the size of an astromech droid trailing obediently behind her. Fett had seen The Princess and Drash in the kitchen teasing each other into fits of laughter as they crafted balls of gelatin and meat the size of black melons. He’d wondered at the time what they were for, and now he had his answer. As she approached the throne, Fett caught the expressions of genuine shock on the faces of the contingency from Tilmov. Whatever happened next would surely be entertaining.

“Princess, what have you got here?”

“Oh - I trained him. Look!”

She turned to face the Dune Spider and pointed her index finger into the air. The Dune Spider raised itself to its full height and clapped its front legs together in a threat display. The Princess clicked her tongue and reached into her bait bag for a meat sphere. She tossed it up high and the Dune Spider speared it out of the air with the sharp dagger of his front leg. The squelching sound of the gelatinous ball made one of the emissaries blanch.

“Ah, very good Princess!” Fett exclaimed proudly. “These men are here from Tilmov. The prince here has offered a dowry and a treaty of absolvement in exchange for your hand in marriage.”

The Princess stiffened. Her brows knit together.

Fett continued. “Have you any interest in marrying this prince?”

“No,” she replied, visibly nervous.

“Very well then,” Fett turned to address the Tilmov dignitaries. “You have your answer. You may return to Tilmov. Princess, run along and check the larder for sweetbreads and have 8D8 order as much as you need. Take your new pet with you.”

The Princess let go of the breath she’d been holding and her eyes brightened. She picked up her skirts and trotted off towards the kitchen, the Dune Spider skittering enthusiastically behind her.

“Respectfully, Daimyo, what use have you for a princess in exile?” asked an envoy with an especially cadaverous face.

“I think I could find some use for an army of trained Dune Spiders,” Fett replied with a chuckle. “You’re dismissed, gentlemen.”

…

Feedback would be lovely. I honestly have no idea where to go next. Requests are open.