#i should stop posting sad comics at like four am

[yume-tsuki]

Four Knights of the Apocalypse ~special Bedivere~the Dragon of Camelot part3 I finally finished my comic synopsis for my oc Bedivere . Born as son of the demon King Zeldris and Queen Gelda his future lay far away in the Kingdom of Chaos... (very much long post) the other parts can be found when you follow the # #bedivere egota #eight guards of the abyss

12

The years past and piece came back to Britannia, as well as Camelot did. The city went back to the place it had belonged to. King Arthur was cured and ruled his kingdom well.  >>It seems like it’s finally over Prince- I can’t look a woman straight into her eyes’ ?<< >>Who is talking so disrespectful?<<  Bedivere stood at his gate watching the passing people when he suddenly turned around to the voice of a woman. >>Should I turn of my cloth so you remember better?<< Finally it came back to his mind. >>The flashydemonlady!<< she laughed >>I prefer Io.<< >>Fine, and what do you want from me?<<He wondered himself why he was still so distant. >>well I don’t know for sure, but as I remember I thought about talking to you ones more, my little prince.<< >>Don’t call me that, I’m no prince here. I’m the Dragon of Camelot, no evil will enter the gates when I am around!<< >> Oh I see. Then a fine dragon you are! A fine one! You know we eat dragons for breakfast?<< >>You do what?<< she came closer again. >>And stop coming closer!<< >>Oh why? I want to eat you? If you a dragon, then you have to be eaten!<< >>Stop joking around! I know you are just talking silly things to confuse me!<< The older guards were already giggling behind  his back. >>You never told us you got a girlfriend Bedivere?<< >>How dare you!<< >>Go on! Sit on a tree with her!<< >>Oh, shut up!<< he yelled at them embarrassed >>That’s all your fault!<< she giggled as well while Bedivere took her hand going to the forest were no one could see or hear them. >>Why are you like that? Are all demons like that? Totally airheads?<< >> Aww , you Meany! Maybe I should call for help?<< >>Why? You are the one embarrassing me.<< >>Because you are holding my hand so tight that I think you will break it, or worse you took me to a cabinet right into the woods and do evil things to me.<< she looked at him with big puppy eyes. >>What kind of things? I never!<<Suddenly he knew what she talked about and let go of her. >>Never! What the hell… I’m not such a man! …The hell is wrong with you? Every time I see you, I act so not like I usually do? What is that, your magic power or something? Stop that! I …I just can’t think straight anymore!<< >>May you like me?<< >>What?...I…should like you? A demon? Stop making me laugh.<< Suddenly she looked sad turning away sobbing. >>So you don’t like me? I thought you would because I maybe like you.<< First he wasn’t sure what to do, now that she was crying, but then. >>You do what? Like me?...like you mean like a man and a woman like each other?<< >>Yes maybe… but I’m not sure as well, we should probably talk about it a bit more often.<< Now Bedivere was even more confused, >>maybe yes…I’m fine with talking some more.<< Not long after their first meeting, they stayed together at his house in Camelot. His parents were happy that his boy had found a fine girl he wanted to get married to. But there was still one last thing left to do!

13 >> Are you so afraid meeting with your parents in demon realm?<< >>I’m not sure. It feels so unreal…<< >>I now you can do it. You have to tell them about our wedding who comes around in 5 months!<< >>Yes, you are right.<< he smiled. >>King Zeldris, your son is waiting for you outside.<< >>Percival? What does he want?<< >>No not prince Percival, I mean your other son.<< He stood up and took the hallway quick followed by his wife till they entered the big door. They hold him close, talking about the past and how much they loved and missed him. >>I’m so happy you are back home<< Zeldris said after a while. >>I will not stay, my place is in Camelot; But I would love to see you at our wedding, and first I want you to meet my other family<< >>We would love to meet them too, my heart<< Gelda took his chin stroking him gently >>you can’t believe how happy we are to see you again.<< She  replied while kissing his forehead. Quick they decided to go with them to the human world, to meet Bediveres family too. It was already evening when Zeldris stood there next to his son>> Father, I’m sorry what I said the first time we met. I was young and I couldn’t imagine a family next to the one I already knew. But now, when I see them happy talking about the future. I wished I could have met you years ago,<< >>I’m happy to hear that. You will be surprised when I tell you about your brother and his wife, they not living that far from here.<< He told him about the other boy, Percival; and how they met. For the first time Bedivere had a memory of someone’s voice. >>I met him ones before I guess…I mean not as one of  the four knights, I mean far before that, but I can barely remember a thing.<< His father looked up to the sky. >>How often have I thought about both of you living with us like a family, we never really had.<< >>But now you have.<< his son answered. The day after they went to Percival, and soon he and Bedivere become like brothers. Only  a year after, it was autumn already, Percival went to his brother to bring him gifts, >>Congrats to a son,<<he said while arriving in Camelot. >>Thanks, how is Anne?<< >>It’s still a month, but she is ….well fine.<< >>Tell me the truth, she is fine right?<< Percival shook his head. >>Nasiens and the midwife saying she is a bit weak and maybe just afraid of the coming birth, but it is quite normal specially with the first child. I just hope everything will be fine.<< >>How horrible, what do you say if we come visiting both of you, so you can calm down. Also Anne, Io can help her getting relaxed << >>I don’t know<< >>Come on!  I can’t sleep a night when I know my brother and his love aren’t feeling well.<< >>fine.<< Percy said >>Thanks.<< They were already on their way back home when a mounted messenger appeared telling about Anne feeling bad.  But everything was fine in the end, she had gave birth to a girl this day.

14[enjoy watching them ]

15 Time passed one last time. It was in the middle of the night when Bedivere and Io’s five year old son woke up sneaked to his parents and woke them >>Papa, a thief is in the house! A thief! You have to look, quick!<< >>Calm down Bel you had a nightmare.<< But his son wasn’t getting calm, so his father stood up walking around the house till he went back to the bedroom. >>No one there, you can go back…<< >>A thief! Help!<< A neighbor cried out. Bedivere jumped out of the window confronting the man. >>I am Sir Bedivere, the dDagon of Camelot and no one will ever pass me without permission!<< ~How does Belinos knew there was thief on the neighbours house? Has he heared  or see something?~ >>Please, I did it for my siblings. I  just took food nothing more<< >>That’s what I hear from everbody. But I will find out the truth.<<

16 The day passed and in the end the guy had said the truth, Bedivere decided to took  him in as one of his man,  but with the condition, if he will do something wrong again, he will be brought to the dungeon. >>Before we get to our Routine training, you will help the towns folk. Listen to their stories, start by the man and woman you were stealing from. And first of all apologize to them.<< >> I will do Sir Bedivere.<< >>Fine, but breakfast comes first.<< He took him in and promising him food from his garden. After breafast they went outside, >>Papa wait, the man on the roof!<< Bedivere looked from his boy to the man, but the thief was quicker, catching the man who was falling. >>How does you know that?<< Soon they knew about his power. A power that could let him see a danger in a radius of  50 meters while it happened. >>A fine power do you have here, I bet one day you will make a fine Knight as your old man. If you want to be on, of course!<< _____________ Fin hope you guys liked it, the cover is based on the original cover, it was fun to work with it :) the dragon down there is Bediveres familiar

[queen-of-deans-booty]

As Time Goes By: Part Two

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Warnings: canon angst and violence

Author’s Note: I am so sorry I haven’t posted. I was sick with the flu and completely forgot about it. I will be posted both episodes now!

I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated.

Henry directs Dean where to go, and you get to an antiques and comic book store. Henry claims it used to be the place where the old Men of Letters used to be, but it's not that anymore. Henry seems sad as he touches the mark on the door that's faded.

"Alright, well, this was enlightening. Let's hit the road, huh?" Dean says impatiently.

"Give him a minute, Dean," you sigh.

"We just spent four hours driving, okay? All he did was stare out the window and request Pat Boone on the radio. He had his time."

"It's just a facade," Henry says, "a way to rook our enemies into believing we are housed elsewhere."

"Okay, enough with the decoder talk. How about you tell us what this whole 'Men of Letters' and 'Legacies' business is, or you're on your own."

"It's none of your concern."

"No, you don't get to do that," you approach him from behind. "You don't get to tell us we're legacies and then not tell us why we are. Is this because we're hunters? What do you have against hunters?"

"Aside from the unthinking, unwashed, shoot-first-and-don't-bother-to-ask-questions-later part, not much, really."

"No, fuck this. We're also John's children," Sam says.

"You're more than that, actually. My father and his father before him were both Men of Letters, as John and you two should have been. Your mother and her mother and her mother before her were witches that were super powerful, as you should also be. We're preceptors, beholders, and chroniclers of all that which man does not understand. We share our findings with a few trusted hunters--the very elite. They do the rest."

"Okay, but if you guys were such a big deal, then why haven't we--or anyone we know--ever heard of you?"

"Abaddon."

Henry opens the door to the comic bookstore and walks inside. You take Joanna out of her car seat and grab her hand before following Henry inside. This place is small but it has a very homey feel to it. If you were someone who was into comic books, then you would feel safe here.

"Henry. Why? Why'd she do it?" Sam asks, catching up to him.

"I think for this."

Henry holds up a brown box with the same symbol that was faded on the door.

"What is that?"

"I wish I knew." He places the box back into his pocket. "Abaddon attacked us the night of my final initiation. All secrets were to be revealed then."

"Let me get this straight. You traveled through time to protect something that you don't know what it does from a demon you know nothing about?" Henry stares at Dean before heading deeper into the store. "Great."

"Hand me your... walkie-talkie," Henry demands of Sam.

"You mean my phone?"

"Even better." Sam hands over his phone, and Henry places the end of the phone to his mouth. "Operator, I need Delta 457."

"Who are you not calling?" you ask.

"Our emergency number."

"Yeah, not like that, you aren't."

You grab the phone and hand it back to Sam.

"They can't all be gone. There must be another elder out there who can help us figure out how to stop Abaddon and what to do with the box."

There is a young woman at the counter with a laptop in front of her, and Dean slinks up to the counter with a smile.

"Hi, could we hijack your computer for a minute?"

"Like you could fit a computer in this room," Henry laughs.

"Times are different, Henry. Shush."

"Sure."

The woman hands over the laptop, and Dean moves out of the way to let Sam do his thing on the computer.

"Give me the name of anybody who might have been there that night. One of those elders."

"David Ackers. Larry Ganem. Um, Ted--"

"Here it is," Sam cuts him off. "August 12, 1958. A tragic fire at a gentlemen's club at 242 Gaines Street."

"This is 242 Gaines Street. There was no fire."

"Larry Ganem, David Ackers, Ted Bowen, and Albert Magnus are all among the deceased."

"Albert Magnus."

"Is he a friend of yours?"

"Even better," Henry grins.

You didn't know that Henry needed to go to the cemetery. It's past Joanna's bedtime, but Henry really needs to dig up one of his friends for a reason you're not sure of. Joanna is sleeping in Dean's arms peacefully, not minding that she isn't in a bed. You would have stayed with her in a motel room, but you're scared that Abaddon would come for you. You know nothing about her, so you don't know of her weakness.

"These were my friends, my mentors, our last defense against the Abaddons of the world," Henry shines his flashlight on the headstones.

"Here's your buddy Albert Magnus."

"Albertus Magnus was hardly a buddy. He was the greatest alchemist of the middle ages."

"Why is he buried here?"

"He's not. His was the alias we'd use when going incognito. I believe someone planted his name in that article... so that if a Man of Letters came looking for answers, he'd know something was amiss."

"Someone wanted you to come to this grave. Why?"

Dean shines his flashlight on the grave and sees a unicursal hexagram symbol, which is carved into the headstone.

"What is this?"

"Our crest. The Aquarian Star represents great magic and power. They say it stood at the gates of Atlantis itself."

"It's on all of the tombstones except for Larry Ganem's."

Henry kneels in front of the headstone which has a different symbol carved into it.

"This is the Haitian symbol for speaking to the dead. This is the message. Have you three ever exhume a body?"

"I got this," you say and walk in front of the brothers.

You want to give them a break from digging up since Henry doesn't look like the kind of person who would do the dirty work. Joanna is sleeping in Dean's arms, and you don't want to wake her. Instead, you opt to use your magic since there is no way you're digging.

Your eyes shine blue as your magic encompasses the area around the grave. With one palm facing the ground, you lift your other hand, causing the ground to shake. The dirt lifts into the air, and you move it off to the side. You repeat this process until the grave is completely dug, exposing the coffin perfectly.

"You truly have no idea just how powerful you really are," Henry says in admiration.

"What do you mean?"

All Henry does is shake his head in amazement. Sam and Dean shrug, but you step off to the side to let Sam jump into the grave to open the coffin. Sam opens the top and peers inside, his face scrunching up in confusement. There is a skeleton inside wearing a suit.

"Was Larry a World War I vet?"

"No."

"Then who the hell is in his coffin?"

"No idea."

"Maybe Larry survived the attack. He has someone else placed in his coffin so that everyone thinks he is dead. If everyone thinks he's dead, he's safe from Abaddon and everything that comes with her. Maybe he's living this guy's life. Who is he?" you ask.

"Captain Thomas J. Cary III."

"Okay. What are we waiting for, then? Cover this up. Let's be on our way."

Henry walks off back to the car, and you roll your eyes in annoyance. Sam jumps out of the grave after placing the top of the coffin back on, and you use your magic to put the dirt back inside the hole. Once you're done, you three follow Henry back to the car.

You need intel on this guy, so you need to head back to the motel room and do some research. When you walk in the door, Dean heads to the main bedroom area in the other room and lays Joanna down on his bed. She hasn't woken up at all, so you know she will sleep throughout the night.

You, Sam, and John take the chairs at the table, and when Dean emerges from the bedroom, he pulls up a chair next to you. Sam is reading John's journal, John is just twiddling his thumbs and whistling "As Time Goes By", and you're using Sam's laptop. Dean takes a seat next to you and takes over on the laptop, not that you're complaining.

"What is that? I know that tune."

"'As Time Goes By'. It's from Casablanca."

"Right. Dad used to whistle it from time to time."

"Your father saw 'Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy' at the drive-in one night. It scared the beeswax out of him. So, I got him this little music box that played that song to help him sleep at night. It worked like a charm."

"Wow, it's hard to believe Dad was ever scared of anything," Sam chuckles.

"Hey, according to county records, Tom Carey lives in Lebanon, Kansas, and is a very happy 127-year-old," Dean says, getting back on track. "I say we get some shut-eye and head over first thing in the morning."

"Wait, listen to this. According to Dad's journal, he once tortured a demon that said he made his bones working for Abaddon, who is a Knight of Hell."

"What does that mean?" you ask.

"Knights of Hell are hand-picked by Lucifer himself. They are of the first-fallen, first-born demons."

"So, very pure and very strong," Sam confirms.

"Legend has it that Archangels had killed all of them, which, as we have witnessed, is not the case. Unless she's the last of her kind."

"Wait, let's sidetrack for a second here. You're keeping me in the dark, Henry. What did you mean by how powerful I can be, and what legacy do I come from?"

"Have you ever heard of the Sapphire Witch?"

"No."

"Legend has it that the Sapphire Witch has control over Order Magic, which is the opposite of Chaos Magic. You can do anything you set your mind to. The Sapphire Witch can bend reality to her image. I've never seen a Sapphire Witch at her peak, but I know they exist. The Men of Letters have kept records of them dating back generations. I'm truly shocked you haven't heard of this. Your mother was a sapphire witch, and your grandmother was one. She was one of my good friends."

"I can't believe this," you whisper, trying to process this information.

You're the Sapphire Witch? Will Joanna and Maryann be one too? What does this mean for your magic? What sides have you yet to unlock?

"You say that belonged to your father?" Henry moves on to John's journal. "May I?"

Sam slides the journal over to Henry.

"It's a hunter's journal. I assume the Men of Letters used journals, too?"

"I intended to. I sent away for one the day before my initiation." He opens the journal and sees pictures Dean has stashed in there. He moves them to reveal a "HW" stamped in the leather. "As a matter of fact, judging by my initials here, this one, I believe."

"This was yours?"

"It must have arrived after... I'm beginning to gather I don't make it back from this time, do I?"

"We don't know for sure. All we do know is that Dad never saw you again."

"What did he think happened to me?"

"He thought you ran out on him."

"John was a legacy. I was supposed to teach him the ways of the Letters," Henry sighs sadly.

"Well, he learned things a little differently."

"How?"

"The hard way. Surviving a lonely childhood and a fucking war only to get married and have his wife taken by a demon... Then, later killed by one himself. That man got a bum rap around every turn. You know what? He kept going, and in the end, he did a hell of a lot more good than he did bad."

"Debatable," you blurt.

Dean and Sam's head snap to you, and you press your lips together. Dean scoffs and gets up, slamming the laptop shut. He grabs his jacket and his keys with the intent on leaving alone.

"I'm sorry. I wish I had been there for him."

"Yeah, it's a little late for that now, don't you think?"

"It's the price we pay for upholding great responsibility."

"Your responsibility was to your family, not some glorified book club!" Dean yells.

"I was a legacy. I had no choice."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that."

Dean walks out of the motel room and slams the door behind him. You let him leave alone since he needs time to cool down on his own. Sam decides this is a good time to get some sleep. He will take the other bed where Joanna is, and you and Dean will take the bed with Joanna while Henry will take the sofa couch.

It's just you and Henry at the table now, and you feel like this needs to be said.

"John wasn't a good father," you whisper to Henry. "The best he could have done for us was to take care of us when we needed him. The best he could have done was to move on after Mary died, but instead, he took me and his sons down with him."

You get up and head to the bedroom to get ready for bed. Dean doesn't come back for another hour, but when he does, everyone else is sleeping. Dean tiptoes past Henry and into the bedroom where you and Sam are asleep. He takes off his shoes and gets into bed next to Joanna so that she is between you and Dean.

You stay like that until the morning, but when you wake up, Henry is gone.

x

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[allyouneedisbuck]

i don’t wanna do this (i don’t wanna lose this)

eighteen plus blog minors dni

summary -> it’s all fake, every piece of it scripted and perfected for the camera, even the upcoming break-up you pretend doesn’t break your heart.

words -> 2.5k

warnings -> fake relationship, use of name (bucky calls the reader by her character’s name, lucia, once) nickname uses (baby, sweetheart) co-workers/friends to lovers, no smut, not beta’d

notes -> this is for the lovely maera’s ( @ambrosiase ) hotel indigo writing challenge i absolutely love this idea mae and am so appreciative that you created this challenge, it really pushed me out of my comfort zone and i got to explore an entirely new au.  

room & service -> business meets pleasure with celebrity bucky barnes -> bucky and reader are co-stars in a fake relationship in a hotel for their final comic-con together.

— ➶ —

Bucky has been doing interviews with Sam all day today. 

You’ve been working together for six seasons and have both been to too many comic-cons to count. Every single one of them you and Bucky had been paired up to do interviews and photo-ops together. 

A scripted piece of a scripted relationship. Agreed upon when your characters romance began to pick up popularity and designed to look perfect until the end.

Tomorrow an article with be released ‘leaking’ the details of your perfect break-up too. A source close to the both of you will comment that wrapping of the show and being forced to go long distance just wasn’t working for you two. The writer will supply photos of today, the two of you avoiding sitting near one another and not speaking. They’ll write that their source confirmed this convention is actually the first time you’ve seen each other in months. 

Even more articles have already been planted periodically questioning whether the two of you were still together, generating buzz around the show and what happens between your characters. It’s a brilliant job, honestly.

Except, you and Bucky had been in a fake relationship for so long, it had begun to feel real. This distance between you two felt purposeful in a way that hurt you more than it ever should have. 

Your assistant is supposed to go through your instagram soon and begin archiving posts and pieces of your fake life with Bucky. He’s been glaringly absent from your social media recently and it makes your heart ache at the idea of him being nonexistent.

Your fans have noticed too. You read comment after comment all asking the same thing; What happened to you and Bucky? 

“Oh, Lucia! My dear, Lucia.” You bite down a grin at the sound of Bucky’s voice through your door. His words were filtered by the wall between you and a little slurred from the drinks he had no doubt consumed at the hotel bar. “Open the door, please.” 

You lock your phone and lay it on the bed beside you. “I’m busy, Bucky! Go bother Sam.” You call back despite already walking towards the door. 

“Bother Sam? On our last night together?” You can see Bucky smile teasingly though the peephole. Despite his joking tone the words hurt. “Four years together and this is how things end? Through a hotel room door?” 

His fist comes up to bang against the door and a hand comes up to his heart. He’s putting on a show for you, fully away of your eye watching carefully through the peephole. “How much have you had to drink, Bucky Barnes?” You ask as the door remains closed. 

Bucky holds his fingers up in a pinch too small to be true. “Not much.” When his hand falls back to his side he smiles up at the peephole. “Let me in, sweetheart. I’ve missed you.” 

You melt, becoming putty in his hand as you quickly move to unlatch the door. “I’ve missed you too.” You admit to him, face to face, as you lean against the door jam. 

A smirk replaces Bucky’s sweet smile as his hands reach out to grip your hips. “This break-up is tough on me, baby.” He pushes you into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. “One more night. One last time. You and me.” 

“Shut up!” You force his hands off of you and turn towards the mini bar in your room. “You’re such a dweeb. I’m glad we’re breaking up.” You pull out the miniature bottle of wine and twist the top off. 

Bucky’s hand slams across his chest as he falls against the wall in dramatic fashion. “You’re… Glad? My frail heart can’t take it,” he falls to his knees, “Please. Tell my mother, I loved her.”

You watch, unamused, as Bucky falls to the floor in front of you. “You’re obnoxious.” A beaming smile breaks out onto Bucky’s face that makes you grin.

“I was serious, about missing you.” Bucky moves to sit up with his back against the edge of your bed. You move to sit beside him on the floor. “These junkets and photos just aren’t the same without you by my side, cracking jokes in my ear.”

You rest your head against his shoulder. “Me too. I love Wanda, but it’s just not the same.” You admit quietly.

There’s so much that you want to say to him. What if this wasn’t fake? What if we didn’t go through with the break-up plan? “Did they send you our social media plan?” Bucky asks quietly.

“Yeah,” You swallow thickly, “I have my assistant going through my account for me soon. We’re supposed to start untagging and deleting photos of each other this week.”

Bucky snorts. “How fucking sweet. Four years together and they have us untag each other to confirm a break up.” His fingers tap against his thigh as the two of you sit on the carpeted floor together.

“Has it really been four years?” You ask quietly. It’s more of a question to yourself, but Bucky answers it with a nod anyways.

“My longest relationship ever and it was fake.” Bucky’s awkward laugh makes the air tense as he stares down at his hands. “I’ve wasted so much of my life. So many chances gone.”

You know the words aren’t said with ill intent, but that doesn’t stop the crack from forming in your heart. You can’t fathom the idea of all your time together, fake or not, being a waste.

Your eyes cut away from him in embarrassment. “Was it really all a waste?” You ask quietly. The words are unintentional, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re out in the air.

“What?” You can feel his eyes settle on you in an attempt to read your face or body language, but a career in acting comes in handy. Your back is ramrod straight and your face turned away perfectly to hide the emotions in your eyes. “It was fake when we could have had something real with people we actually cared about.”

It’s a knife to your broken heart. “People we actually care about?”

“You know, like, other girls and guys who we wanted to pursue but couldn’t because of the contract.” Bucky reaches out to wrap a hand around yours, but you pull away. “I don’t understand what’s wrong here.”

You shake your head, the regret of your words settling over you. “Nothing. I’m just… It’s been a long day.” You use the edge of the bed to help you stand while Bucky remains on the floor, watching you in confusion. “I’m tired, you should go.”

“Woah. What’s this one-eighty?” Bucky stands too and follows you as you move around to gather your toothbrush and skincare. “Two seconds ago we were joking about a fake break-up and now you’re all quiet and weird? You expect me to just leave?”

“Please.” You plead. The last thing you want to do is dump all your feelings out to Bucky, on the last day you two were officially contracted to each other, and make him feel guilty for feeling free. “I just need to be alone, Buck.”

You move to push past him towards your bathroom, but Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist. “Come on, sweetheart. Don’t do this closing yourself off thing.”

“I’m not.” You say stubbornly. “I’m tired.” You try again to move past him, but his grip only tightens as he forces you to actually face him. “Buck-“

“You can tell me, you know?” He says quietly as his grip slackens. Your eyes meet his, pools of blue staring back at you with something akin to hurt. “You can trust me. We’re best friends, right? You’re my-“

“You don’t have to lie to me, Bucky. Pretend to care. You can go back to the bar and…” You pull your hand from him and cross your arms over your chest. “And tomorrow we can start being with people we actually care about.”

Bucky’s eyes squeeze shut as his own words are repeated back and left out in the open between you two. “That’s not what I…”

“What did you mean then?” You cut him off. You want to sound angry, but your tone is sad and tired. “Enlighten me, please.”

“I just meant… I meant we could date who we wanted to date, I didn’t mean for it to sound so awful.” He answers quietly. “I care about you a lot. We’ve been friends for over half a decade, of course I care about you.”

You swallow thickly. “What if I don’t want to date anyone else?” You force yourself to ask. If not now, then when? Ten years from now at a reunion of your show? You couldn’t live with this what if.

“What?” Bucky’s hand falls from your wrist as he takes a step back like your words have burned him.

You push through the thundering of your heart and ringing in your ears to ask, “haven’t you ever thought about it? I mean, four years of just us, all those dates and premieres, was it really all just work for you?”

“I don’t know… I mean…” Bucky rubs a hand over his jaw as you stare at him expectantly. “Have you?”

“I asked the question I think that would imply…” You trail off as his answer weighs down on your mind. It feels like a no. No. No. No. It’s on repeat in your mind as you move to sit down on your bed. “After a while the dates and photos and sappy posts didn’t feel all that forced anymore.” You admit quietly.

Bucky paces silently in front of you. You’re unsure of what’s going through his mind as he does it and it’s all you can do to not tap anxiously as you watch.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He finally asks when he finally pauses in front of you. You look up at him unsure of what to say. “I mean… When did you start…” He trails off like he doesn’t want the answer.

You look down at your hands in your lap. Despite your worries in telling Bucky you guess you had never truly thought of this conversation ending up this way. All these questions felt like Bucky preparing for a gentle rejection.

“I don’t know. After our second anniversary?” You keep your answer to him vague despite you being fully aware of when you started seeing Bucky differently. “That post you wrote for me that day. All the ones after. All of those words were fake?”

Your mind drifts to his words that day. The sweet and short caption had made butterflies erupt as you scrolled through the photos he had posted with it. Despite you both being required to post something, the photos he had chosen had been entirely genuine.

Pictures the two of you had taken together on set, selfies during your fake dates, and even a sweet set of photo booth pictures from your first premiere together.

You had stared at the post far too long as emotions rushed through you. Your heart raced at the idea of Bucky taking his time to pick photos that meant something to the both of you.

“I think that..” You shake your head in an attempt to rid yourself of the painful reminders. “I think you should go.” You stand up suddenly, your hands pushing gently at his chest.

Bucky’s eyes widen as his hands come up grip your arms in an attempt to stop you. “Woah. Let’s talk about this. I’m just trying to figure everything out.”

“Figure it out? What is there to figure out, Bucky?” You cry out, shoving harder. “If you don’t know how you feel then you should figure it out on your own.” You move past him to open the door.

Bucky follows after you hastily. “Sweetheart, wait, please. I just need a moment.” You grip his forearms tightly using Bucky’s own momentum against him as you guide him to the hallway outside your room. “I wasn’t expecting this. We have articles and photos and interviews planned about a break-up tomorrow.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything, Bucky.” The two of you are back where your night began. Opposite sides of the door as you stare, unsure of what to say. “Let’s just pretend this never happened, okay? The article will be published and we’ll confirm it and life will move on.”

The door slams shut in his face without warning, not giving him a chance to say anything else. You stare blankly at the ugly, green shade its painted in silence as you remind yourself; It was all fake. A script you had been given and followed to a tee. One you had gotten too caught up in.

You’re feelings don’t change the ending.

There’s a slow knock on your door. You suck in a breath as you move to open it an apology on the tip of your tongue.

“Bucky.” You’re cut off as his hands come up to rest on your cheeks and he pulls you towards him. Anything you had to say dissipates as his lips meet yours in a bruising kiss.

Your hands come up to grip his t-shirt tightly as you kiss him back your tongue slipping into his mouth while he pulls you flush against his body.

An arm wraps around your waist and Bucky pushes you back into your room, his foot kicking your door closed harshly.

The back of your knees hit the edge of your bed and you finally pull away to look at Bucky, but he speaks before you can say anything.

“Of course I’ve thought about it.” He breathes out. His eyes are wide with nerves and his cheeks flushed red. The sight of it mixed with his kiss makes your heart pound. “I’ve thought about kissing you for real, not in a room filled with crew and cameras. About what it would be like to be on a date where paparazzi hasn’t been tipped off. Baby,” his hands rest on your cheeks again as he forces your eyes to meet his, “I’ve thought about it all. What it would be like to be with you, to really be with you in every way. Sometimes it’s all I think about when we’re together.”

You take pause, your eyes widening and hands freezing in place as you listen to what he’s saying. “Why didn’t you say anything then? Why’d you just pace and ask me all those questions?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” He smiles brightly when you giggle. “Because I couldn’t believe you actually felt the same way. I was in shock.” He presses a gentle kiss to your lips.

You smile up at him softly. “What do we do about the article tomorrow?” You whisper your question.

You feel giddy with excitement as Bucky’s hands land on your hips to hold you in place, flush against him. “We deny it.”

“What about our managers?” Your smile doesn’t fade even as stress over the situation arises. “And…And our separate interviews tomorrow?”

“What are they gonna do? Fire us?” Bucky smiles. “We’ll tell them all about how in love we still are. That the source in the article was a dud and we’ve just been private recently as the show wraps.”

“We will?” You ask quietly. Your heart racing at his words. “You want to say all that?”

Bucky nods his head. “I do.”

You don’t say anything else he leans in for another kiss, you could worry tomorrow.

Bonus -> The Next Day

liked by buckybarnes, samwilson and 134,759 others

yourinstagram the final season of our show premieres this weekend and we’re so excited for you all to see how it ends. the first photo is from tonight and the second from our first season! the past six years has brought me so much joy and i’m so grateful for everything this show has given me. most importantly though, i’m thankful for you, bucky barnes. my adrian to my lucia. my best friend. my lover. thanks for making this show so fun.

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samwilson we made a great show. love you guys.

buckyfan thought y’all were a pr stunt lmao

yourinstagram apparently you’re not supposed to really fall in love for those to work…

buckybarnes i am most grateful for you. you made work worth it every god damn day.

yourfan my favorite couple on and off the screen.

— ➶ —

notes -> this is my first ever time joining a writing challenge, it really pushed me to work through block and focus on this instead of letting is die out like i have with other projects despite liking them so much!

(hoping you guys don’t hate the extra instagram idea, i just felt it fit in!)

hopefully you enjoyed and if you did, reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON THE END OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY.

Dishonour! Dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow! 

Well Jason Nation, it happened again, fanon wins over canon. The amount of bullshit that DC made Zdarsky write in this issue is insane, I have never seen this many fanfiction tropes shoved in a single issue in my life.

This book has been a constant insult to Jason’s character and his Red Hood “persona” since the very first issue but I never thought it would end this badly. It’s incredibly sad.

I will go ahead and say it, this tumblr and this post is not “Batfamily” friendly and it definitely isn’t fanon friendly when it comes to Jason Todd.

Fanon is destroying canon for Jason Todd. I am sorry but that’s how I see it, fanon doesn’t belong in canon, I would never get tired of saying that. But here is the thing, DC latches on to Jason’s fanon version because it fits their narrative of “the Batman is all that is right and all must follow his rules or they shall disappear”.

DC has been dying to make Jason bland and flavourless just like Batman. And now here it finally is.

Let’s be honest the story in this book, the new drug, Cheer, Tyler and his mom, none of that shaped this story, none of those things were the support beams for it. It was all about this never ending “daddy issues” thing that DC pretends is going on between Jason and Bruce.

It was all about those two fighting because they “think differently” so in the end they can push Jason towards the “no killing rule” being also the Red Hood’s modus operandi.

Its utter bullshit.

From the moment that Jason had to put a bat suit on I knew that this was going to be a mess. Luckily like I predicted they didn’t make a big deal out of him wearing it but the “Jason admires Batman” feeling was very present in the issue.

I will not talk about how easy it was for that one thug to land a punch on Jason while he was distracted and I will also not talk about Jason being a dumbass for not securing his dumb mask better when he knew the fight will involve gases. I will not talk about it.

Anyway, let’s talk about the Cheer Gas induced illusion, shall we?

In Jason’s illusion he finds Bruce at the manor looking at the picture of Joker’s death (?) and even though that is strange what Bruce says next is even weirder, he says this: “I did it. He was the last one, but I did it…Joker is dead. I am done.”

Now what the hell was that? This is Jason’s illusion, and by the looks of it in his illusion Bruce has killed every baddie in Gotham and left the Joker for last? Am I reading that right? Is this this a joke?

I understand that this is an illusion so the gas is making “real” things that Jason probably doesn’t know he wants, like wanting Bruce to go on a killing spree, which Jason never wanted because he said it himself, do you guys remember the iconic “I’m not talking about killing Cobblepot and Scarecrow or Clayface. Not Riddler or Dent…I’m talking about HIM. Just him.” Because I remember and it’s so important to Jason’s character, Jason never wanted Bruce to go on a killing spree, he wanted Bruce to kill the clown who had killed him when he was only fifteen. Is that so hard to remember DC?

And then it gets worse! Since WHEN has Jason wanted a perfect family life with the people that he has tried to kill, harm or looked down to? Why is “being with a bunch of people who NEVER get together for anything other than “help” the Bat in a fight against a fucking clown” the idea of happiness to Jason? Has this man ever interacted with any of these people in a positive way without the intrusion of a Batman/Robin event in the way? I will give you the answer, it’s no, the answer is no.

Jason Todd doesn’t care for your “Batfamily” bullshit DC, why would it matter to him? Because he was Robin? He was killed by the Joker when he was Robin, and he was killed because the man in charge of him didn’t pay enough attention! Jason Todd who was written as Dick Grayson’s number one hater for so long (and fandom loves that) is now having an illusion where he enjoys happy times with him along the others? Cass and Stephanie? What? Am I missing something, is this actually AO3, is this fanfiction?

I think Zdarsky got confused, this illusion is what would happen if Jason were dosed with fear gas. That must be it, I solved it everyone! Zdarsky just got confused by his own writing!

I wish.

Let’s go back to the sad reality, Jason has a moment in which he actually puts all his training in motion and shakes of the gas’s grasp on him. He does that but he is grabbed by so many people (who are this people?) and he is unarmed and I believe that’s the only reason why Cheer is still alive after saying that he has someone in Tyler’s mom’s hospital room ready to kill her if he doesn’t join him.

(If this were the real Jason, Cheer would have dropped dead instantly.)

But this is not the real Jason and this is not a *real* comic, it’s fanfiction! So just like that time in Batman #100 when Dick was fighting alone as Nightwing (for the first time since his “family” left him alone after losing his memories) the rest of the “family” shows up to fight Cheer and four random thugs.

Yep, its like the MCU had considered having Cap say “Avengers Assemble” when they were fighting a couple of robots instead of Thanos.

What a mess.

Also having Jason say, in real life (not illusion world), “You know what happiness is? It’s knowing that others have your back.” about this group of people is the perfect recipe for a big OOC moment for absolutely everyone. I cannot believe they have dragged Jason back to this awful concept and that they have sank him so low. It’s quite honestly, disgusting.

But the horrors don’t end there, we have a wonderful moment after Jason gives Batman the antidote, Jason stops Batman from punching the living shit out of Cheer. Because I am not stupid. There is no way in the world that you can convince me that Jason just stopped Batman from killing Cheer.

How incredibly delusional do you have to be to write Batman finally killing someone and that someone being Cheer, a guy that was introduced to comics two months ago?

Yes, later its said that between the gas and the antidote Bruce was a little too crazy and couldn’t help himself BUT I call bullshit once more, because Bruce has gone completely bat-shit-crazy on people before! I remember two recent instances in which that happened. Batman #57 in which Bruce beats the living shit out of KGBeast after he shot Dick. And the other one is Batman beating up Jason more brutally than he ever beat up Joker in RHatO #25.

DC cannot fuck with me. I might has bought this digital comic for 8 dollars but I am not buying that bullshit.

ALSO, there was no need for Zdarsky to do Jason as dirty as he did him when he made him say: “If you are going to come down from mount judgement to MY level for once… he’s not the guy to do it for.”

Zdarsky, why did you write a Red Hood story when you hate Red Hood? Couldn’t you have just told DC that you wanted to write a love letter to Batman? Once again, I am reading a Red Hood story for RED HOOD content not Batman content. Is it really that hard? I bet that if Zdarsky had asked DC to let him write a Batman story they would have said yes, there are like 20 Batman stories, they wouldn’t say no to one more!

Can you tell I am mad? And salty?

This post is so long and so full of anger, I am truly sorry for that but I have to write these feelings down or I would explode. And I am not even done, our suffering, Jason Nation, continues.

But first a little break from the pain, Tyler. Thank you after all the pain this book has given me Tyler is back and just like I predicted his mom is fine and he will stay with her, they both have been given a place and money to rebuild their life (not given by Jason nor Dick but I was close enough). The only happy ending that Tyler could have, he had and I am thankful for that, we even got a little adorable moment between the Red Hood and the Blue Hood.

I am weak for these little glimpses of a good Jason take in the middle of an incredibly awful/OOC story. And just to live in my own fantasy world I will headcanon that Jason promised himself to keep an eye out for Tyler and his mom. He would have wanted to know about their life and that they are still out of trouble.

Jason is a good man, don’t you forget that DC, I don’t care how much you twist it. Jason killing Tyler’s dad wasn’t a horrible act, it was fair game. That man was a horrible person, he drugged his child and made his wife (?) almost overdose. You never gave context as to why that man was working as a drug dealer but you told us those things so Jason should never feel like he did something wrong. As far as we know, Tyler and his mom are better off without him.

Having said that, lets go back to the pain of what is reading a Red Hood story.

“I’m giving up the guns.”

You know what, fine, as long as DC doesn’t pull another “I will stop being Red Hood for you Barbara” I will be fine. He can kill people with other things, he used to have the all-blades, he had normal swords and he had crowbars.

I will sacrifice Jason looking hot as hell when he pulls out his guns just to keep him as the Red Hood, all DC has to do is not give him that stupid… bat… symbol… oh no…. oh my god I can feel it… that thing, that horrible thing is making a comeback! NO!

Jason and Bruce’s talk is basic and it doesn’t do anything for anyone, in the end saying that Jason isn’t changing his ways for Bruce but that he is doing it for himself is more of the same. We know he is doing it for Bruce and we know DC is doing it because they cannot handle good, complex and interesting characters. We know that and sadly we have to live with it.

About Bruce’s illusion, well, Bruce has said that he wanted to kill the clown for a very long time and in the King run it was basically said that if Bruce were to be happy then the idea of Batman would die.

Listen, between me and you, sometimes I think that the Joker isn’t that big of a problem for Gotham as a whole, that clown has beef with the Bat and no one else. If Bruce has killed the Joker Jason would have been happy with Bruce all those years ago but killing the Joker wouldn’t make Gotham a safe place and any of his kids happier.

Bruce needs to care for his children, but he won’t do that, he has Dick for that. Taking care and raising Damian? No, thank you, I will not do that. Giving a shit about my son who lost all his memories and is alone? No thank you, I won’t do that and then I will lie about having watched him over. Tim? Oh, never heard of him, sorry.

The last page of this story is the one of Jason arriving home and finding a new suit that Bruce gave him with the bat symbol on it. That symbol that he had ripped off of Jason’s beat up body back in RHatO #25 (nope, I am not letting that one go).

Oh, and Bruce leaving that suit in Jason’s home gives me the same exact vibes as the time that Bruce was like “Long overdue. This is where you belong. As one of us. One of the family” in Nightwing #74 a second after Dick had regained his memories.

I don’t know why but they make him sound incredibly cold and like these people are just his pawns that he needs to rope back in every time they get away from him. It’s very disturbing.

Anyway, that’s all from me, I obviously LOVED this book, best Jason Todd/Red Hood characterisation ever! 11/10 would recommend to everyone including my enemies!

🙃

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 4 of Season 1

“Man on the Moon”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it’s funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ So at that point Luther had already been alone for about five years (due to his siblings leaving when they were 18 or even 17 according to Diego), and by alone I mean he did’t have his siblings with him. I’m not counting Reginald, Grace, or Pogo because I’d imagine they weren’t the best company. There was a two year gap between Luther getting the serum and then being sent to the moon. He had already been “alone” for five years before he was sent away to be completely alone for four years. He hasn’t had really any social/outside interaction besides going on missions for almost ten years, which means Luther is an awkward dude and he hasn’t been a true leader because he hasn’t had anyone to lead. I don’t think people really realize this and I think that’s where some of the hate towards him comes from 

☂ We see that Luther looks into Allison’s and Klaus’s bedrooms as he makes his way down the hall, and I’m willing to bet he did that for all of his siblings. Makes me wonder how many times the siblings went to Five’s room to visit it or to even check with hope that he had come back  

☂ I wish I could ride my bike around my house and chug a gallon of milk :[

☂ I can’t believe that Reginald still made him wear that leather battle suit 💀

☂ Why are there posters of animal anatomy in the infirmary?

☂ Apparently it takes between two to four months to grow a full beard, so that’s  about how long Luther had been lying there

☂ *suffers through the Allison and Luther scene*

☂ “HoPe I wAsN’t BeInG tOo LoUd”

☂ Vanya and Leonard were really sweet in the beginning. Screw you Leonard

☂ It’s really sad that not one his siblings notice that Klaus is gone. Not. One. 

☂ Are you telling me that Klaus and Five are certified freaks? At least I’m sure that’s who Cha Cha is referring to, or maybe it’s Luther

☂ I tried looking up tortures in Trinidad to see if Cha Cha was referring to any specific event, but I think it’s just a random thing in the show

☂ It’s only when Diego mutters “The boy” that it reminds him either of Five’s superhero name “The Boy” or his new appearance as a teen again so it finally clicks in his head that that’s who the mystery kid is

☂ Diego admitting that he doesn’t really know how to process his feelings!

☂ He’s very protective of his family and that’s something that I love about Diego. He doesn’t know who Hazel and Cha Cha are but all he knows is that they are searching for Five for some reason and that his siblings almost got killed last night

☂ Five doesn't realize the suffering that he’s putting his family through at this point since he’s only focused on finding who’s responsible for the end of the world. It’s ironic that he’s doing all of this to keep them alive and safe and yet him not being with them almost got them killed. Five buddy, you should have included all of your siblings from the start no matter how much they annoy you

☂ Also where has Five been this entire time? He left the van at night and now it’s the next morning. He’s been following the guy but why did it take him so long to corner him?

☂ Ope, and there’s a continuation error! When Luther takes his arm out of Five’s dresser, he takes part of the wood panel with him. When it cuts back to Diego talking there’s just a fist size hole

☂ “We barely got out with our lives.” Okay but where were you, Pogo?

☂ It’s funny how quickly they revert to child-like shame when Pogo scolds them. At least they still respect him I guess

☂ Is Hazel eating potato chips with ketchup? 

☂ I think one reason why nobody notices that Klaus is gone is because none of them saw him that night during the attack. They possibly assumed he already had left the Academy??

☂ Looooove the “Shingaling” scene. They are straight up vibing

☂ I don’t know why Luther was frustrated with the van door being locked. It’s not like he could rip the door off or anything.......

☂ I have a two questions here:

Why did Diego know where to find Five based off of the book? Sure he saw that it came from the library, but that doesn’t mean that he’ll be there

Wouldn’t Luther and Diego have seen the smoke coming from the Meritech building? Unless they left immediately and weren’t able to see the smoke even though they probably were still in the vicinity when it began to burn

☂ Five is holding the man’s arm to make sure that he doesn’t get away (hard to tell in the pic below though). He needs that sense of security that this lead isn’t going to escape his grasp, but I’m sure that if he were to run he wouldn’t get far when you can just teleport after him

☂ I got a nice pic of Five (also the dude on the bike that was riding behind Five as he runs up in this shot just does not care that this building is on fire) 

☂ When it shows Five on the ground, it at first starts off with light and slightly comedic music before it quickly switches over to something dramatic. I always thought it was funny that they play the light stuff as we see Five just laying there 💀

☂ You can see just how quickly Five’s face changes from shock to disbelief and disappointment as his only lead is literally blown away from him look, you can pinpoint the exact moment his heart breaks. Also Five definitely would have had hearing issues since we can see that the windows on the building behind him were shattered. He’s staring into your soul....

☂ There’s nothing really significant about this at all, but Whippets are racing dogs and in the comics Five goes to watch a dog race at one point

☂ “I hate sprinkles.” Hey, me too!

☂ I love that Griddy’s is still open despite the damage that was done to it

☂ Diego left home at 17 (which is illegal so I wonder if he was emancipated or maybe Diego ran away and Reginald didn’t care to look for him) so I wonder if the others left when they were 17 too or if they waited until they were 18 

☂ Luther I don’t really think you’re one to talk about being “grown up” my guy. In fairness none of the Umbrellas know how to be fully functioning adults, not even Five who’s about twice the age of his siblings and is almost a senior citizen

☂ “I stayed because the world needed me.” Hey that was basically Five’s reason too, but more so for getting to see his family again. Anyways, like brother, like, uh, brother! 

☂ "And things are never gonna go back to the way they used to be.” You sir just predicted the next week(s) (and technically years in the 60s) of your life and the lives of your siblings! This also applies for what happens after those weeks/years, but we haven’t gotten there yet but it’s certainly not the way things used to be!  

☂ How was Luther upset enough that he wanted Diego to stop talking after he said something genuine and a bit sad?

☂ This whole relationship talk isn’t exactly relatable......

☂ He’s just chillin’

☂ Reginald can ✨perish✨ Oh wait, he already did 

☂ Here I am taking any little scrap and running with it, but when Five says he’s going through puberty twice does that mean that he didn’t get his aging altered by The Commission? In the comics, Temps Aeternalis/Commission stopped Five’s aging but here it sounds like that didn’t happen. Since we haven’t heard anything about Five’s DNA in the tv show we don’t really know much about his aging alteration either. I think that they really do have to leave that part out due to Aidan himself, who is a growing teen, and for the fact that they would need to come up with an excuse for Five’s aging (Aidan already looks different in S2 and he’s taller too). I wish they would bring this stuff up in the show!

☂ Five deflects answering the question of what he’s the best at most likely just because he’s just distracted but also possibly because he doesn’t want his brothers to know at this point

☂ First the feral chimp smile and now this

☂ Five actually sounded serious when he was talking about how many people he has killed and how he’s the ”Four frickin’ Horsemen” which is more so an exaggeration but it still shows us that he views himself as dangerous and powerful. He revealed this to them while he was drunk, even though they don’t really understand, but I wonder if Five ever actually planned on telling his siblings what he did and how much blood he has on his hands. I feel like he would have told them after he had saved the world from the apocalypse, but yet again I could also see him brushing off questions in relation to what he just said to Luther and Diego to hide his past from his family

☂ ✨”Little Psycho”✨

☂ As eerie as all of those ghosts are, it’s a really neat scene

☂ It’s not really meant to be funny, but Klaus denying the duct tape just reminds me of a little kid refusing to go into timeout 

☂ I guess Cha Cha got out through the door next to the bathroom when Klaus was banging his head on the table?

☂ It’s a shame that Patch died right away, I really liked her

☂ Klaus, where you’re going really isn’t any better 

☂ It’s sweet that Diego puts Delores down gently and doesn’t just toss her somewhere. Even though she’s a mannequin, Diego knows that she means something to Five

☂ Well Luther I think it’s pretty self-explanatory what he meant. You just need more context 

☂ Diego: *signaling that someone, possibly a threat, is approaching and to be alert*

Luther: 🕴👁`👄’👁

☂ Even if they did think that Klaus had left the Academy before Hazel and Cha Cha attacked it, it’s sad that it took them this long to think about him

☂ Luther patting Delores is so cute

☂ Say it with me kids, “Patch deserved so much better!”

☂ My heart breaks to see Diego so heartbroken and upset, especially when he says “I gotta go, okay? I can’t be here when they come, okay?” Ugh, that gets me

☂☂☂☂☂☂☂

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

[hp-imagines-07]

Only You

Sirius Black x Fem!Gryffindor!MuggleBorn!Reader

Universe: Harry Potter; The Marauders era

Type: fluffy and ANGST (but with a happy ending, u'll love it, i swear)

Summary: [y/n] and Sirius' relationship is in danger... the request really

Request: YES|no - "Great so the idea I had was a Sirius x reader - regulus threatens the reader and says he will hurt Sirius or whatever if reader doesn’t break up with him . the reader doesn’t tell anyone and don’t listen to begin with then something happens so she feels she has no choice . Sirius is suspicious since lily told him that the reader said he is the one and also the fact she is avoiding everyone . Find out about it when they see regulus threaten reader and then Convinces the reader to get back together. Also the reader is muggle born." @rebsx​ thank you for the perfect request, hope you cry with me at the sad parts

Prompt: xxx

Warnings: cursing probably, heartbreak in slowburn(?) and threats maybe

Song: xxx

Word Count: 5.6K (i can't believe it's this big, i swear it wasn't my intention)

Posted: 28th of September 2020

A/N: i'm sorry that i took so long to write it... but i really hope you like it as much as i loved it (probably my best work until now)

My Others Accounts: @imagines-07 (Principal Account) | @obx-imagines-07 (Outer Banks) | @mcu-imagines-07 (Marvel Comics Universe) | @stit-imagines-07 (Stranger Things & IT) | @cm-imagines-07​ (Criminal Minds)

MY MASTERLIST

"See you after Charms, my love." Sirius says and kisses [y/n]'s forehead, before pecking her lips and walking away to his next class. She just smiles to herself and starts to walk up the stairs to the Fat Lady Portrait, going to spend her free period reading a book or doing nothing alone in the common room.

Having free periods like this are the worse, [y/n] can't even spend time with her boyfriend or any of her friends because she was the lucky one to have a free period on the last class of Wednesday while all of them were on Charms together.

As she was getting to the next staircase, it decided to change with all of the other ones. Her eyes rolled when the entrance of the Gryffindor common room just got more and more distant, and then she saw something weird...

Slytherins. Wait, not just ordinary Slytherins or one of the ones she shares tables at Potions, but Blacks. Regulus was in front of the other ones, walking down the stairs with Narcissa and Bellatrix just behind him. All that [y/n] was wishing was that the stairs they were while staring at her, wasn't going to meet with the one she was at. But luck wasn't by her side.

[y/n]'s hands held her up by holding the handrail at her right when the stairs stopped moving - even after 6 years, she couldn't get used to it - and her eyes founded the three Slytherins at the same staircase as her, going down the stairs with light steps that she wouldn't be able to listen if she wasn't looking at them.

'What in bloody hell would a Slytherin be doing at this part of the castle?'

[y/n] shook her head and all the weird thoughts went directly to the back of her mind, where they should stay and never get out. Her feet started to bring her up the long stairs she still had to walk to get to the common room and even with her huge and heavy bag filled with books of all the classes [y/n] had today, her legs were moving fast. It was probably the need to stay away from a few people that just hated her existence and stay in a safe place, but just maybe...

As they walked straight to each other, [y/n] could feel her heart beating at her throat and ears, chills going up and down her arms and legs, and a weird feeling in the deepest part of her heart. Her gut was screaming to her that something was off and that she should get to the common room as fast as her legs could take her up the almost infinity stair.

And with the fact that the unique people that she could see all around her were the Black cousins, [y/n] knew they were up to something. And just the thought that they were up to something while looking at her, made her hands cold and sweat and her knees feel weak.

As they finally got to each other, Regulus just took his hand out of his pocket and stopped you with a warning hand in front of your chest without even the need to touch you. [y/n]'s face turned towards them and the three of them were already looking at her with their characteristic expressions.

Regulus had one of his eyebrows raised and the corner of his lips that, if you squinted your eyes really hard, you could notice that it was a little upwards in a sly smirk. Narcissa had her serious face, without the slightest of emotion letting through her face, and even her eyes were as deep as the end of a maze can be. And Bellatrix had her wide smile, that could stay in any child's worst nightmares, with her big eyes as wide as her smile was.

"Uhm, hello?" [y/n] said with a delicate voice, just above a whisper, but even this low, she showed confidence. It doesn't matter if the girl was dying on the inside, she would never let anyone - especially them - know that they got under her skin. Never...

"We need to have a little chat with you, sister-in-law." It was Regulus strong and deep voice that cut the insides of her ears in fear with his sarcasm while using the nickname.

"Spill." Sirius' girlfriend said and crossed her arms across her chest, in a position of authority while she pretended to not notice Bellatrix's eyes that went directly to her bobs and the way the girl was shifting on her foot.

"The thing is that it's kinda complicated what I have to say to you. But it is an order from my parents, so I will have to say it in any way..." Regulus started and [y/n]'s left eyebrow raised without her even think about it and her right hand moved to put his hand down. "So, I need you to break up with my big brother."

The words seemed so funny that [y/n] tried she really tried to not laugh at it, but a chuckle got out from the back of her throat as the sentence hit her.

"Excuse you?"

"I am serious. And I didn't want to get in details, but my mother says that you are a terrible influence for Sirius and that you can't date him." Regulus explained to [y/n] but her head just shook in disbelief.

"Look, I'm so sorry to disappoint you. But if you think that I'm going to break up with the boy I love, all of you are dumber than what I thought you were." [y/n] said and started to walk upstairs again, just wanting to go back to her dorm or the common room and read the book Remus gave to her last weekend. "Thank you for your attention, but I won't."

"Ok, do whatever you want to do," Regulus said and his cousins looked at him with surprised faces, probably not expecting the way he accepted [y/n]'s decision. "But I should warn you that, my mother's orders were to do something with Sirius if you just decided to not listen to us. And that's what I will do." Your body froze five steps upwards the one he was in and four from the girls. "So, I am giving you until Friday. You have two days to break his little heart, or we will hurt him physically and we won't hesitate."

[y/n] gulped loudly with the words of the brother of her boyfriend and felt her fingers starting to shake. No, they wouldn't do this to Sirius... His own family? No, they couldn't. Right?

The thing was that she didn't know the answer and was afraid to find out.

-

Friday.

It was finally Friday and [y/n] didn't have the guts to break up with Sirius. She just couldn't.

And since the threaten, she has had a billion eyes to look out for Sirius. Every single second that he was away from her, she was worried sick about him, and all of their friends noticed the way that [y/n] couldn't stay mere seconds without her boyfriend, or she would start to freak out and look for him at every corner of the castle. [y/n] got paranoid when it was still Thursday.

And now, at her last class of Friday, she couldn't bring herself to change her gaze from Sirius to the professor, neither pay attention to the new subject. Lily's eyes were focused on her since the start of class, but [y/n] didn't even notice the redheaded strong gaze on her. And it was worrying Lily.

As the professor dismissed everyone, Lily ran behind [y/n] like a lost puppy, that was already outside the classroom looking around her like a mad man.

"Hi, babes. Can I talk to you?" Lily's voice was the sweetest she had ever heard but [y/n] still jumped scared with the sudden voice.

"Sorry, I can talk right now..." The other girl said and tried to turn around and run - probably to Sirius - but before she could breathe a little bit far from her best friend, Lily held her wrist and didn't say a word while she brought [y/n] to another corridor, an empty and quiet one. "What are you doing, Lily? I said I can't talk right now!" [y/n] hissed at her but Lily just rolled her eyes at the stubborn girl.

"Look, you've been acting weird since your free period on Wednesday, but today you're looking like you're paranoid. What's going on?" Lily asked with an expression of empathy and held both of [y/n]'s hands on hers, softly caressing her best friend's hands with her thumbs. "You can tell me."

[y/n]'s shoulders started to relax under her friend's warm touch, she felt her tense forehead starting to release of this tension and her vision being blurred by tears as she realized what she had gotten into. "I- I..." She didn't know how to tell for Lily about what [y/n] have been feeling lately, it was just too much to take care of alone. And then she let herself open up to her best friend, because if there was anyone that would listen to [y/n], was Lily. "I don't know how to say this, but-" Her weak voice was rudely stopped with a loud noise coming from a corridor close to the one they were on.

'Sirius!'

[y/n] ran away from Lily as fast as her legs could take her tired body from all the sleepless nights since Wednesday and the redheaded one followed just behind her friend with plenty question marks flying around her head.

As they got to the corridor, there were confused, scared and disgusted people with what was happening. [y/n] excused herself and passed through everyone that was on her way to the middle of the circle while people sent her rough looks.

When [y/n]'s eyes met Sirius, she felt the air finally coming back to her lungs, the color of the world coming back to her vision and the control of her moves coming back to her brain, with the view of Sirius completely fine.

"Oh, my Godric Gryffindor. What happened?" Lily's voice beside [y/n] brought her back to reality and she noticed Peter with a broken arm, just at Sirius' left.

"W-We don't know..." Remus said and fell on his knees to help Wormtail to stay up, when he noticed no one was going to help him, he looked around with raised eyebrows. "A little help here?"

James and Sirius didn't wait a second to help their friend in need and in a few seconds all of you were taking Peter to Madam Pomfrey.

[y/n] and Lily were holding Peter's broken arm in the air, so it wouldn't hurt any more with any touch or sudden move, while James carried Peter by his left side, Remus by his right and Sirius was guiding them while holding Peter's waist to make sure he wasn't going to fall.

"Don't worry, Wormtail. You're not going to die." Sirius said joking and just James laughed.

"What? I'm gonna die?"

"Nah, don't worry about it, Pete. It's just a broken arm." James said back but Peter's eyes just got bigger and as he turned his eyes to look at his arm, Remus put one of his hands on his friend's eyes before he could look at his arm in a position that it shouldn't be. Well, if looks could kill, Prongs would be six feet underground just by the glance Moony gave to him. "Sorry..." He whispered back and focused on trying to hold Peter on his feet.

As soon as Madam Pomfrey saw them, she thanked for their help, said that what they did was smart - bringing Peter to her directly and not trying to solve this by themselves - and asked for all of them to wait outside.

"My love," Sirius called [y/n] the same moment the both of them stepped out of the room. "can I talk to you for a second?" He asked and she just nodded as an answer while he held her hand in his and brought her to as far as they friends couldn't hear them. A second before Sirius could open his mouth to say what he wanted, [y/n] jumped on him.

Her arms hugged his neck and her forehead rested on his shoulder, it took a little bit to Sirius understand what was happening but not even a second after, he hugged her back with such as love and caring as she was.

He couldn't actually understand what was happening and even with [y/n/n] loving to hug him at all the times she could, Sirius knew there was something else there. "Hey, what is all this for?" He asked a few seconds later in the embrace and when he felt [y/n] starting to release her tight grip on him because of his question, his arms just held her body closer to his (if that was possible).

"I don't know... I was just worried that you were the hurt one." [y/n]'s voice was just above a whisper and Sirius felt his heart clench with the worry and sadness on her delicate voice.

"Well, I'll just let you worry because it was almost me.." Sirius trailed off and [y/n] felt her whole world stop as she sank the words in. She raised her head to look on Sirius' eyes and hoping to find that little glow from when he was joking or pranking someone. But it wasn't there. "The spell hit Peter because he accidentally stumbled and ended up in front of me..."

Oh, no...

"Sirius... I need to tell you something." That was it, [y/n] was going to tell him how his family was threatening her to break up with him or they would hurt him. This was going to end now. But then she saw him. [y/n] saw Regulus behind a group of people looking at her like he could read her mind - well, maybe he could... He knew she was going to tell Sirius about it. But she couldn't, or they would hurt him. "I-I-I..." She looked back at Sirius' gorgeous face, filled with love and empathy towards her. [y/n] couldn't do it. When her eyes looked at her feet she did it... "Sirius, I-I want to b-break up..."

-

Three days, eight hours, twenty-five minutes and ten seconds.

It's been three days, eight hours, twenty-five minutes and eleven seconds since [y/n] broke up with Sirius.

And they couldn't be worse without each other.

Neither of them left their dorm room for the weekend and if it wasn't for James and Lily, they wouldn't have eaten anything in those two days. Remus was starting to actually worry about Sirius and Marlene was worried like crazy about [y/n]...

But the problem was that, even Sirius was talking to his friends that he didn't know what to do without her, [y/n] wasn't...

She closed the curtains of her bed the second she sat at the bed but even after three days, eight hours, twenty-six minutes and four seconds, she didn't open it. And she wasn't going to until she could keep them closed.

The first night was torture to all of her friends. [y/n] tried, she really tried, but the loud and agonizing sobs were coming out of her in any way... She cried for the whole night all by herself. On the first ten minutes, Lily, Marlene and even Alice were trying to find a spell to open her curtains so they could help her friend and hold her, but nothing seemed to work.

After a while, they all went to their beds and when they thought she was going to stop crying, with a couple of seconds in silence, [y/n] wasn't able to hold it and she started crying harder. Marlene was silently crying on her bed with her face on her pillow, Alice went to her dorm and Lily tried to stay, but she couldn't take it, so she went to James' room. When she got there, Sirius bed was empty and they were all sleeping, Lily felt bad by coming here but as she turned around to walk away, James stopped her.

Anyone had ever seen Lily cry so much because of something...

Marlene was the unique one on the room with [y/n], she even thought of going somewhere else just to not listen to her best friend cry on that way, but she couldn't let her alone there.

[y/n]'s heart was aching like it was never before. Her first heartbreak, when her family forgot her birthday, when Sirius appeared with scars after summer break... Nothing compared to this moment where she had to hold herself while crying because she had a broken heart that would never be fixed again, and it was all her fault.

Well, that's what she was telling herself. Even with [y/n] wanting to stop thinking about anything - because literally had a way to get to Sirius Orion Black -, her brain was repeating like a mantra that it was happening because she wasn't the perfect girl for him.

While Sirius was bad...

Oh, the boy was heartbreak.

But he didn't want to think much about it, because he was still so confused about how everything just seemed to have collapsed after just a blink.

Because it felt like it, a second he was holding her and then he blinked and she broke up with him... All Sirius wanted was to understand what made [y/n] break his heart the way she has done, but he couldn't.

First of all, he could remember pretty well of when he was worried about her breaking up with him last month (when she was just doing a surprise for him) and Lily told him about how [y/n] said once how she knew he was the one. The one she wanted to be engaged with, married, live together, have kids with and have the happily ever after.

Lily also told him how [y/n] loved Sirius more than anything in this entire world and how she would do anything for him... So, it didn't fix it.

And he also thought about everything his brain could possibly think of that could be in any way a reason for her to break up with him and he wasn't understanding why nothing fixed!

Because even when [y/n]'s mouth was telling him she wanted to break up, her eyes couldn't even look inside of his and Sirius was able to read her better than a book. He saw by how her shoulders were down that she was already depressed before finishing her sentence, the way she started hyperventilate that she was trying to not cry in front of him, how her voice was failing on the middle of the words that she was holding down her sobs, the way she was nervously playing with her own fingers, her trembling lower lip, eyes that were screaming how she loved him... Everything was telling him that she didn't want to do it.

So, why did she?

That was the question that was haunting his thoughts since the first second he took to think about what had happened there.

Sirius thought that staying at the Astronomy Tower would help him to think about it, just like it had always helped [y/n] to study, but nothing was helping him...

Then he got frustrated with all of this bullshit. All he had to do was talk to [y/n], right? Then she would explain to him what actually happened and everything would be alright again because they would get back together and be happy just like they were.

And, while Sirius was thinking about what he was going to say to [y/n] so she would explain everything to him, Marlene, Lily and Alice woke up really early and ran to Professor McGonagall's classroom. If there was someone with more experience in heartbreaks than the girls and that would be willing to help [y/n] was Minerva.

It wasn't a lie to anyone that [y/n] was one of her favourite students - but if you ever told this to McGonagall, she would deny - and she would be happy to help.

So, when the girls explained to her why [y/n] wasn't there at class, why she also wasn't on the great hall for meals and how she was trying to stay distant from everyone, Minerva went right away with the girls to their dorm to check up on [y/l/n].

The same second the professor passed through the Fat Lady portrait, all the students at the common room during their free period looked at McGonagall like she was an alien inside of Hogwarts, maybe it was because she was supposed to be teaching Transfiguration to fifth years, but just maybe...

As they got close to the dorm's door, Marlene - that was the last one to leave - noticed that [y/n]'s sobs had finally stopped and all that they could hear were soft sniffles, heavy breathing and her bed creaking as [y/n] moved around to find a comfortable position that she hadn't been on the last days.

When the girls opened the door for Minerva, the first thing she noticed was the spell around the girl's bed so no one would bother her and if it was in another situation, the professor would be proud of her by such a well-done spell.

[y/n] was crying in a typical way without tears. Because there weren't any more tears to fall from her eyes.

"How long has it been?" Minerva asked while looking at the girls beside her that just shrugged her shoulders.

"Three days..." [y/n]'s raspy voice came out as a whisper but was stopped by a quiet sob. "Three days, ten hours, seven minutes and third-six seconds."

All the girls (and the woman) in the room felt their hearts clench with [y/n]'s hurt voice and how she knew exactly the time that had passed since the breakup. McGonagall, with just a shake of her wand and a whisper under her breath, made the spell open [y/n]'s curtains and in just a second they saw [y/n] wearing Sirius' quidditch jersey and her arms tightly holding one of her pillows to her chest as her legs tried to get closer to herself. She looked so vulnerable there, sitting alone at her bed, with swollen and red eyes...

Lily could feel that, if Sirius saw her like this, he would go back in time and make her sit at the right table on Potions Class, so she would never see how he was struggling with the potion, she would never have helped him to do it and they would never fall for each other.

Marlene was the fastest one to jump on [y/n]'s bed and hold her like their both lives depended on it.

Her soft arms wrapped around her best friend's body as [y/n]'s arms begrudgingly let go of her warm pillow, soon wrapping around Marlene's neck and gold blond hair. A single tear feel from [y/n]'s left eye, softly laying on her friend's shoulder.

Lily and Alice followed Marlene just right behind her and the three girls held their friend as close as they could. Minerva couldn't hold back the little smile that appeared on her face while seeing the girls caring so much about each other.

"Miss [y/l/n], I think you should get ready for your next class." McGonagall said softly and all the girls looked at her. [y/n] looked at her favourite professor with a grateful glance, that Minerva answered with a little nod.

The girls helped [y/n/n] get dressed, but even with her friends helping her, the girl just didn't seem to say anything to them about what happened between her and Sirius... But they knew that she was going to share with them every detail of her thoughts as soon as she was ready, and they just couldn't push it, even if they wanted to - which they didn't.

-

Sirius had been looking everywhere for [y/n].

Since he decided what he wanted and needed to say to her, Sirius ran downstairs from the Astronomy Tower and started to look for her at the corridors, classrooms, bathrooms, basically everywhere she could be, he had looked for.

His right hand went through his dark black locks in frustration as he looked around himself to see if he could grab a glimpse of [y/n]'s gorgeous [y/h/c] hair or anything that would make his mind scream to him that she was there and he should talk to her. But not even a red, gold blond or almost-white blond from any of the girls to give him some kind of hope that the love of his life could be any close to him.

All he noticed was a jet black hair, just like his, being followed by two other long dark hair. Regulus, Bellatrix and Narcissa. "What?" Sirius muttered to himself under his breath as he saw three of his family members walking to the staircases that led to the Gryffindor common room but the exact opposite way to the Slytherin one, with narrowed eyes...

Sirius didn't need to read minds to know that something was wrong. Something was telling him that he should go after them, that nothing good could come from it. So he did.

Sirius' black boots were tapping the castle floors through the crowds of students as silently as he could to not be seen by his family relatives as he followed them at the corridors. He was feeling like one of the spies from the muggle movies [y/n] had showed him before while hiding behind people, pillars, trash cans and anything he could use to not be noticed.

And then, the trio suddenly turned on an empty corridor, almost filed with fully darkness and Sirius stopped on the right side of the entrance to the hall. Just as he looked at it, Sirius felt his eyes shine with the beautiful sight that [y/n] was to his eyes. She didn't need much to be stunning...

'Wait...' He's thoughts stopped on the second that the reality fell upon him. 'Why are my brother and cousins talking to my girlfr-, ex-girlfriend, on a empty hall? And why does she look so scared?'

"[y/l/n]..." Regulus said and stopped in front of her, blocking her way and the light vision Sirius had of her.

"Look, I did exactly what asked me to, ok? Just let me be..." She snapped back with a trembling and weak voice that made Sirius want to run and just hold her in his arms again.

"We know and I just came here to say that my mother would be thankful for your help... If you weren't a mudblood, you know." Regulus said and Sirius' forehead frowned with anger and confusion. 'My mother asking [y/n/n] for a favor?'

"I didn't do it because your mother asked me to, I just broke up with Sirius because you were up to hurt him if i didn't do it. So, shut up because I don't need your mother's 'thank you's or anything else that comes from her." [y/n] said while poking Regulus' chest. "You should bother someone else with your puppies."

[y/n] passed through them, hitting her shoulder with Regulus' left one and Sirius felt like there was a light bulb above his head being turned on. It all finally made sense, the way that [y/n] didn't want to break up with him, the way she was worried sick with him the whole week, the way she almost freaked out when she thought that the spell hit Sirius and not Peter... And it was all his family's fault.

Sirius didn't know what to do to fix this hugeous mess that was happening just under his nose, but he knew that he needed to take his family threats and intentions far from him and his love before he went to talk to her.

He silently thanked Godric Gryffindor when [y/n] went to the other side of the corridor and didn't notice him there, eavesdropping on their serious conversation. Sirius would take care of this talk with her later...

Just when Regulus started to walk out of the scary corridor, Sirius stopped in front of his little brother, that nervously gulped loudly with the sight of the last person who should hear about their mother's plan.

"You know I love you, Reg. And I know it's not your fault, but if I ever see you talk to [y/n] again, you'd wished you never listened to mother for once." Sirius said calmly. "And don't forget to tell her that there's no way I'm gonna let this girl go, I love her more than anything in this entire world and any of you will take her away from me."

Sirius turned around and walked away from a scared and disappointed - with himself - Regulus and ran to find the unique girl who could make him do those crazy things and don't regret anything after...

Sirius even felt himself starting to hit a few people while he tried to pass through the slow people walking around but he didn't bring himself to stop and care about them while he had to look for her as fast as he could. His heartbeat was in an almost impossible speed, his hands sweating and lightly trembling with anticipation, his mind running around the whole castle while his body was trying to follow his thoughts... Until he saw her.

His whole world froze and all he could see was [y/n] calmly walking to her next class, just like everyone else around her - who his eyes didn't bother to focus or pay attention to. All Sirius was seeing was [y/n].

And before he could notice his movements or think of what he would do when he got to her, his legs were bringing him the closer he could get to her. And, when he thought that the world wasn't moving already, Sirius felt everything else disappear when [y/n] turned around by his hand touching her shoulder.

[y/n] have never looked more gorgeous to him before...

Even with the sore eyelids, the dark bag under her eyes, her without-life skin, her pale lips, her tired eyes and the frown on her forehead when her eyes captured the sight of him... [y/n] couldn't be anymore gorgeous even if she wanted to.

"Sirius?" Her surprised and confused whisper fell upon dead ears as Sirius grabbed the sides of her face and glued his lips on hers.

They've done it so many times before, but after passing days thinking that they would never do it again, made it as special as the very first time, two years ago, in their fourth year.

[y/n] didn't kissed back in the first seconds, but she didn't pull away neither. [y/n] knew she shouldn't, actually, she couldn't do it, but she just couldn't bring herself to stop it and pull away from Sirius' touch. And in a few seconds, she felt her whole body melt onto the kiss as [y/n] finally kissed him back.

Sirius felt a wave of relief pass through his body as it was a shock while [y/n] felt all her organs burning from inside out. At that moment, neither of them knew how they survived the last three days, fifteen hours, forty-three minutes and six seconds without feeling each other's touch.

Sirius' hands fell from her face to her waist like there was the place they belonged to and [y/n]'s hands ran in the direction of his dark hair, getting lost in there like it was the maze she was used of going every single day.

When [y/n] felt her mind dizzy with one of the best kisses they ever shared, she separated her lips from his, but just enough for them to be felt almost touching, their foreheads touching and their hot breathes mixing.

"Sirius, wh-" [y/n] started, but before she could keep going, Sirius abruptly interrupted her.

"I know the truth." [y/n] could have opened her eyes wide as a fish if they weren't glued closed with tiredness. "And I don't care. They took a lot from me, but they're not taking you, just over my dead body..." Sirius said and took a breath to keep going. "I love you, I want you. I only care about you. I don't care about what they think is right for me, because it's you. Only you, [y/n]."

"I love you too, Siri." That was all that [y/n] could let out with a trembling voice but with the biggest certain that she ever had about anything in this world.

They needed each other and nothing would be on their way to happiness and love.

☀︎︎☀︎︎☀︎︎☀︎︎☀︎︎

+ bonus: (Sirius' letter to his mother)

Dear Mother, hope you and father are going well, even if you don't care about me. I think you heard from someone (probably Reg) that your master plan wasn't so good and it didn't work out... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if you think I'm ever going to stay away from [y/n]. I love her more than I've ever loved anything in this world and I don't care about her blood status - which just makes me love her more. I think you won't understand me because your marriage wasn't pretty much your choice, but all I'm asking you is to let her alone. Every single choice I've done until now were decided by me, and anyone else should take the consequences for it. If you ever have a problem with me, I don't want you to make Regulus do your dirty little job, I want for you to talk to me. Thank you for reading so far and I won't be coming home anymore, neither receiving any letters from you. So, enjoy this picture of me and my gorgeous girlfriend, being happy on a beautiful sunset, just the two of us. I love her and only her, hope someday you'll understand that she's an amazing woman and deserve all the happiness and love the world can give her. Goodbye, mother... Sincerely, Sirius Orion Black.

☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾☽☾

Taglist:

@cheapglitter @weasleysmuch @missmulti @writtenbypics @littlemaladaptivedaydreamer @dralf0yy @buff-bork @rd155 @seppys-return-to-madness @luciferedits @old-soul-young-mind @pxtrickhxckstettxr @sleep-i-ness @marauderswhisperer @liberty01 @gweaslvy @weasleytwins-41 @siriuslysirius07 @turtlepad @ilovewinter101 @monimillion @simonsbluee @smokey102​ @aberette13 @yourbloodyqueen @loverboyreid @eeshea @susceptible-but-siriusexual @weareloserstogether​

[gmariam19]

Should we put trigger warnings for quarantine fics? If you've had a bad experience with the pandemic during the last year, this is about Finn and Poe being placed in quarantine on the Falcon. It's not dark and depressing at all, but fyi just in case you need to pass. I'll put something in the tags, too!

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I finally wrote a Finnpoe quarantine scene! There were so many at the beginning of this, but 18 months in and I've finally put Finn and Poe in quarantine myself.

So, yes - this goes with the last three I've posted, but it's probably my favorite so far, so it gets its own post. Plus the other one was getting too long.

The fic is a five times fic and evolving a little more toward five times they could have and one time they did. Or something like that! I've written four out of five so far, but I'm still trying to decide how to approach the last ones - points of view, happy or sad, who says what, etc. It could go a lot of ways, and I want it to be at least a smidge different.

Anyway, enjoy this one! Happy Monday! :)

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4. Quarantine

“We’re both infected,” Finn announces as he returns from the cockpit of the Falcon after talking to Dr. Kalonia. “Quarantine for at least three days.” Poe is still sitting dejectedly at the dejarik table where Finn left him, staring at nothing as he ignores the glass of juice and small meal in front of him. He also ignores Finn until Finn is literally standing in front of him.

“Poe?” he asks. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Oh, hey buddy,” Poe replies, as if he’s just realized Finn is there. He looks up and squints at him with a grimace. “It’s bright in here. I didn’t hear anything.”

Finn is not sure what the lights have to do with Poe’s hearing, but it’s clear that Poe feels even worse than he did ten minutes ago. He dims the iights and sits down next to the pilot, pushing the other man’s food forward. “You should eat something. Dr. Kalonia says so.”

Poe snorts and picks at his food. “She’s mean. And probably wrong.”

“She’s a doctor,” Finn points out. “And she’s not wrong. You look like shit, and I’ll probably look the same by tomorrow.” Kalonia had said the virus was extremely contagious, intense but short-lived. She had also warned him Poe was a terrible patient when he was sick. Finn has seen Poe injured, watched the pilot’s stubborn determination to either ignore it and carry on as if he’s fine, or do everything possible to recover as fast as he can and get back to work. Apparently, Poe’s responses to things like fever, chills, body aches, and fatigue are far more melodramatic.

“She wouldn’t let me fly once with a cold,” Poe tells him. “A kriffing cold! Said the pressure would mess with my head too much, could blow out my eyes and ears. I think she was making it up.” He pauses, turns to Finn with sad eyes. “And sorry if I look like shit, but I feel like it too.”

“I know you do.” Finn digs deep for patience, sensing Kalonia was spot on. She said to just let Poe wallow in order to preserve Finn’s own sanity, but Finn doesn’t want to abandon his friend. He really does look miserable, and Finn is dreading the start of his own symptoms. “Kalonia’s just looking out for us. She said the virus doesn’t last long, we should be over it quick.”

“She still locked us up in here, didn’t she?” Poe asks. He pushes his plate away and leans back. “Three days? What the hell are we going to do for three days?” He sounds even more upset about it than Finn had anticipated. Did Poe have big plans? Does he not want to be stuck in one place for so long? Is he missing someone back on the base?

“We can catch up on some sleep,” Finn jokes. “Or our reports. Maybe Snap can get us some holovids to watch, or we can—” He stops at the scornful look on Poe’s face. “What? It’s only three days.”

“Three days!” Poe exclaims. He waves his arms over his head, barely misses hitting Finn. “Trapped in here, alone, with nothing to do, for three days! When we could be out there, doing something, making a difference. We gotta head back to Sinta Glacier next week, you know.”

“Hang on,” Finn says. He knows he shouldn’t get too involved given that he was already warned off by a professional, but he’s going to anyway. Because Poe’s reluctance to quarantine feels personal, somehow. Like he doesn’t want to be with Finn for three days. “You’re not alone, I’m here too, and we can—”

Poe snorts again, and Finn stops, gives him an exasperated (and probably hurt) look. “So spending three days with me is that bad, is it? Sorry for the inconvenience, then.”

Poe’s eyes widen comically, and he leans forward so much he almost falls into Finn, clutching his shoulders. “No! No, buddy, of course not! But three days with me? You’d be better off alone—or maybe dead!”

“Don’t be ridiculous—of course I wouldn’t be better off,” Finn tells him. Melodramatic, indeed: Poe could win awards. “I don’t like being alone, you know that. And dead is even worse.”

“You’ve never been stuck with me, not like this,” Poe mutters. “I’m a terrible patient.”

“I can tell. But I’ve never been sick, so maybe I am too,” Finn replies, then continues before Poe can make a comment about either statement. “Besides, we’ve shared blankets and beds —hell, we even pretended to be kriffing married to get those parts and intel we needed a few weeks ago. I think we can make it three days with killing each other.”

Poe stares at him, mouth hanging slightly open, eyes brimming with…well, something. Tears, mucus, deep feelings? “I love your optimism.”

Finn rolls his eyes. “Well, I don’t like your doubts, so get rid of them. We can do this. We’ve made it through crazier things than this.” Which is absolutely true when Finn thinks about the incident with Chewie and the red dress. He shakes the image out of his mind.

Poe’s shoulders droop as he sighs heavily. He lets his head fall to the table. “Quarantine. Why did it have to be quarantine?” He lifts his head and offers Finn a watery smile, reaches out to lay a hand on his arm. “I’m glad it’s with you, buddy.”

“And I’m glad it’s with you, too—but we are definitely not sharing a bed this time,” Finn says, earning a laugh from Poe that ends in a groan as he lays his head down again. Finn rubs his shoulders, thinking about that particular mission. It had actually been okay, sharing a bed—perfectly fine, maybe even a little nice, but they are sick after all. And definitely not together, no matter what Marri Kir had thought.

Sometimes Finn wonders why, and if it will ever change.

And then he sneezes violently, and his head starts pounding, and he knows it probably won’t happen in quarantine.

[farfromsugafanfic]

Heartbreak Weather

Genre: Weatherman!Jin, Metropolis/loosely based off comic books, Rivalry, soft Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Jin/Male Reader

Warnings: all the sexual tension lol, hurricanes

Synopsis: The rival weatherman at Channel 5 just so happens to be Kim Seokjin who you just so happened to have had a thing with in college. Sort of. When a hurricane brings the two of you back together again, the forecast calls for love and dredged up feelings.

﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

"Will you please turn that off?" you asked, taking a sip of your coffee. Normally, you took it with a little vanilla-flavored creamer, but much like that morning's coffee, you were bitter.

"Aw, why? Seokjin looks so cute in his turtleneck this morning," one of the writers said, fawning over the Channel 5 weatherman. "Maybe you should start wearing turtlenecks. It might boost our ratings." 

You rolled your eyes as the red light came on indicating that you would soon be on camera. You set your coffee to the side and stepped in front of the green screen. 

"Good morning, Metropolis," you said. "You can expect some light rain on your commute today. It should clear up by lunchtime though and it will be partly cloudy for the rest of the day. You watched as the map viewers saw at home shifted as you shifted the topic. "As you know, a hurricane is forming a few hundred miles off the coast. We are currently predicting landfall early next week. I will be traveling to Diamond Beach as the storm approaches to give you the most recent updates. Thanks for watching Channel 4 News, now here's Andrea with traffic."

The red light switched from you and onto Andrea's camera on the other side of the studio. You let out a sigh and walked back to your desk away from the main set. 

"You went to school with him, right?" the same writer asked, still watching Seokjin on the screen. His station gave him more screentime because he was so well loved in the city, often they pan to him coming back from commercial breaks and whenever there was a view question or poll. 

"Yeah," you said. There was only one university near Metropolis that offered a robust meteorology program and most of the city's weather people came from it. You and Seokjin had gone through together, even graduating at the same ceremony. 

"Wow, was he still so stunning in college? Like, I don't think I could've focused if he was in my classes."

"Depends on who you ask."

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

5 Years Earlier

"Having trouble focusing?" you asked Seokjin as you noticed his dark eyes were no longer looking down at the computer screen. 

"Hmm, it's a bit hard when you look at the screen like that," he said, smirking and turning around to lean against the desk. "Tell me, what's a guy gotta do to get you to look at him like that?"

"Be a warm front." You watched as a warm front moved towards the city while a cold one moved simultaneously from the other direction. 

"What if I'm a hot front?" He turned to face you, his hip still leaning against the desk, but his body was close enough that it brushed yours as he moved. 

"Seokjin, stop." You clicked a few more times and turned to flip through your textbook. "It's a storm for sure. A thunderstorm or tornado. Shit, it could be anything, how are we supposed to figure this out."

"Its the weather, not heart surgery. We can be wrong fifty percent of the time and still good at our job."

"But, if we're wrong fifty percent of the time, we'll fail this class."

Jin sighed and crossed his arms as his eyes lingered down your body. "Listen, Y/N. We both know that you're going to stress about this for twenty minutes and then figure it out like you always do. Now, come on, let's take a break."

"And do what?" you asked, letting out a breath between your teeth, not tearing your eyes away from the screen.

"I don't know. I have a few ideas though" His breath was against your ear and his body heat radiated against your own. 

"Seokjin, this can't happen."

"Why not?"

"Cause I need to focus on school. I'm here on a scholarship. I can't risk distractions."

Jin sighed and looked down at the weather map on the screen. "It's a thunderstorm," he said. "The currents aren't strong enough for a tornado and based on the patterns, its the most logical." 

You quickly wrote down the answer and his reasoning, realizing that he was right. How he surmised the answer so quickly, especially when he was barely paying attention baffled you. 

"All right, now, come on," he said. "I'm taking you out for lunch and you can't deny me that. I know you're hungry."

"Fine," you said, shutting your textbooks and allowing the computer's screensaver to come on.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Just hours later that same night, you found yourself looking up at the ceiling of Jin's bedroom. Soft cotton sheets wrapped around your torso and they felt softer than even the best sheets you'd ever owned. His shirtless form was turned away from you and you resisted the urge to reach up and run a hand through his dark hair. He'd let it grow long recently, the ends of his hair beginning to grow onto his neck.

"Stop staring at me," Seokjin said, you could hear the smirk in his voice. He turned around to face you. His eyes were calm and soft like the sheets, but you couldn't help but feel the sadness. The knowing.

"How'd you know?" Your voice was small.

"I could feel it. Your eyes hurt, you know?"

You did know. You knew how much it hurt Jin to see your eyes wander down the shape of his torso. That the way you always reached to push his ill-fitting glasses up the bridge of his nose hurt. That knowing he couldn't reach out and sneak his fingertips underneath the hem of your sweater.

"I'm sorry."

"I know, it's okay."

"It's not, Seokjin. We need to move on. Forget about each other. It's best for our futures."

"You know that's not true."

"Seokjin, we both want the same things in life. We'd be competing with each other for every job. We'd rush to get the story before the other. It wouldn't last."

"We don't know that unless we try."

"Seokjin, I don't want to give myself the chance to hate you."

You got up from the bed and buttoned your shirt, pulled on your trousers, and tied your shoes. Seokjin watched you, didn't try to stop you as you headed towards the door. Gripping the doorknob, you walked out and back down to the sidewalk below. 

Following that day, you didn't see Seokjin again. Sure, he still sat a few rows in front of you, he still presented in class, you glanced over his name in the paper when it was announced he was taking over the weather position for Channel 5. You saw him on billboards and on Reddit posts. Yet, you never met allowed your eyes to meet his again. Unless it was through the warm, freshly printed Metropolis Daily.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Nearly no one was heading east towards Diamond Beach. Westbound traffic was full of cars heading into the city to weather the storm, while eastbound only consisted of a few cars. Mostly media and others who couldn't drop everything and run from the hurricane. 

You could just make out the Channel 5 van ahead of you. Focusing down on your laptop which was tracking the conditions minute by minute, you tried not to focus on the fact you would likely run into Seokjin. 

This certainly wasn't the first time a hurricane or tropical storm caused you and Seokjin to collide like convergent fronts. Every year you found yourself at Diamond Beach trying not to watch his broadcast from a few meters down the beach.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Two Hours Later

"Hello, this Y/N Y/L/N reporting for Channel 4 news. Hurricane Roke is expected to make landfall later tonight. Most of Diamond Beach and the surrounding areas have been evacuated as Roke is currently a category four storm. I will be monitoring the storm and providing updates through Twitter throughout the night and I'll be back on the beach at 5am. This has been Y/N Y/L/N covering Hurricane Roke. Now, back to the studio."

You felt Jin's eyes on you as you gave your report. He was about two hundred feet down the beach. He wore a similar coat to your own and even with his hood pulled up you could feel the way his eyes cut through you. 

Once the red light on your camera went off, the one on Seokjin's came on and he began his report. It was nearly identical to yours, Seokjin adding his own flair and charm. Like you wished you could. 

Seokjin finished his broadcast and your filmographer began to pack up. "I'll see you bright and early in the morning?" she asked, her hair catching in the wind and obscuring her face. 

You nodded and helped her pack up the camera and other supplies, working quickly to prevent it from getting damaged from the wind or rain. Walking up the beach and back to the hotel felt like it took forever, especially with the heavy filming equipment. 

Your filmographer had already checked in earlier and headed to her room, carrying the camera and filming equipment. You kept the portable meteorological tools, already anxious to set it up in your room. Jin and his filmographer came in just as you got to the front desk. 

Giving them your name, you handed them your ID and the company credit card. The receptionist furrowed her brow and glanced up at you. 

"It looks like your room was accidentally double booked," she said. "I apologize, but due to the current situation, would you mind sharing?"

"Uh, sure, that's no problem. Who am I sharing with?"

The woman squinted at her computer. "Kim Seokjin."

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

"You're not even going to look at me?" Seokjin asked as the two of you set up your computers. He'd let you have the desk while he took the counter of the kitchenette. 

"Not until I get this setup."

Seokjin sighed and pulled out his phone. Service was already finicky, but he managed to pull up Spotify and got music to play. It was soft, as not to disturb your neighbors in the packed hotel. 

You smiled as you heard the familiar tune "Dancing Queen". Jin was a fan of older music and the two of you used to listen to ABBA's Greatest Hits when studying together. 

"You still listen to this?"

"Of course," he said. "It makes me happy."

It made you happy too and when you finished setting up your computer you peaked out the window. The storm was still a couple of hours from landfall, but the trees were already swaying wildly. 

"It's going to be a big one," Jin said, glancing at you and catching your eye. It was the first time you'd truly looked at each other since the day you'd left him on his own. It felt like a lightning bolt skewered you in half. 

"Yeah," you said, sitting down on the bed. "It is."

You traced the seams of the comforter with your index finger. The song switched and this time it was "Can't Help Falling In Love With You". 

Jin finished setting up his computer. Your screen and his looked nearly identical showing a map of the coastline and the storm approaching. He sat down beside you, closer than you would've thought an acquaintance would sit. 

"We should go to bed. Early start tomorrow." His voice commanded you to look at him. "Let's not fight over the bed." Placing down the two extra pillows down the center of the bed, he went to the bathroom to change.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

The storm was in full force when you made your way outside. The four of you: you, Jin, and your two filmographers tried to get onto the beach, but the sand cut your skin. Various debris already littered the beach. Mostly seaweed and tree branches, although you noticed a few shoes and patio furniture from the nearby condos.

"The hotel said we could report from outside," you said. "It'd be safer."

Jin chewed on his cheek and glanced out at the beach. The two filmographers began to set up their cameras and you did you best to ensure your hair didn't fall into your face. You stood away from the wind, finding it hard to breath with it blowing onto your face. 

"Seokjin! Stop!" His filmographer yelled, abandoning his equipment, he rushed towards the other man. You turned to see that Seokjin had taken off towards the beach, seemingly want to report from there no matter the circumstances. 

You looked over at your coworker and she gave you a curt nod, ensuring that she would watch over the equipment. She dragged both cameras inside the lobby one at a time. Giving her an empathetic look, you took off running towards the beach, hoping to catch up with Seokjin before he got entirely soaked. 

When you came to the edge of the beach, you saw that Seokjin was already halfway out, his filmographer not far behind. You sighed and continued out, knowing he was determined to give the report from as close to the middle of the storm as he could.

The filmographer neared the middle of the beach, fearing going any further. When you caught up to him, you stopped to catch your breath, even though it was nearly impossible with the wind. Your breath was swept away as soon as you drew it in. 

"He's crazy," the other man said. "I have no idea why he's doing this." 

"He always has to go the extra mile," you said, rolling your eyes. "Even if it's stupid and dangerous."

Seokjin turned back to look for his camera operator, only to see him halted halfway up the beach. Seokjin was three-quarters of the way up the beach now, reaching dangerously close to the rough tide. He noticed you still running towards him and smiled before a gust of wind knocked him off his feet.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Your chest constricted when you saw Jin get thrown off his feet. He landed a few feet away in the sand. You ran as quickly as you could, falling to your knees beside him. 

"Are you okay?" you asked, looking him over. 

His eyes looked up at you, obviously taking in your features. Yet, his lips said nothing. 

"You crazy bastard! What the hell were you thinking? Rushing out here like that? You of all people should know how dangerous that is." You could barely catch your breath between words as you placed your hands on his arms to help him sit up. He didn't budge, however, his eyes just locked on your face. 

"What are you doing?" you asked, sighing and dropping your hands from his hands, looking down to meet his eyes for the first time.

He smiled when you finally met his eyes and leaned up to connect his lips to yours. It was brief due to the circumstances, but it felt like lightning coursing through your veins. 

"I ran cause I knew you would chase me."

[eventual-ghoste]

TOG rambling

Hello! This post has to do with Andy and some revelations at the end of Force Multiplied. Spoilers I give aren’t super specific but they’re there, and I can’t promise they won’t bite.

This is also in response to a TOG discord question I couldn’t stop thinking about, regarding Andy’s history as compared to Nicky’s, as posited by Em | salzundhonig:

But Nicky's past as a crusader and his growth from his past was well received, surely that'll be the same with Andy right?

I apologize if these ramblings sound like a rant but I swear my intentions are in the spirit of debate/discourse, and they are not an attack on any individuals.

The TL;DR is: Andy has work to do. Hopefully Hollywood and Rucka don’t fuck that up.

Feel free to check/correct/call me out if I’ve misspoke anywhere here (I realize I still have a lot to learn) but IMHO, I don’t think a semblance of Andy’s growth will be well received. Or, at least, I’m not so certain it should be because, in the comics, I genuinely don’t think Andy has grown. At the end of Force Multiplied, she still defends her actions with the “this is how I grew up” argument, and says it was “a long time ago,” and as much as I love love LOVE Andromache the Scythian for her badassery and how she’s a vision of female empowerment, I can’t help but think about how I hear those words all the time from people defending themselves against racist and/or sexist comments from so-called bygone eras.

Wanna know a sad difference between those people and our beloved Andy? They apologize for what they’ve done, or who they were. As hollow as the words will sound, however unforgivable their actions, however self-serving the apology will be— Those Asshats apologize. Comic!Andy never does, not even when confronted by Nile, an African American woman who likely descends from slaves, and has undoubtedly experienced racism and discrimination on a regular basis. It’s been thousands of years and Andy doesn’t even know how to say sorry (if she ever does, kudos to whoever finds a timestamp/panel, and let me know!). Instead, Andy buries the truth of her actions with a load of justifications to the point that she becomes self-deprecating, calling herself “vermin,” concluding she’s no better than the apathetic, selfish, evil POS they hunt. She may have spent the past millennia with TOG, trying to make things right but then—

But then she gives up. She’s tired. She resigns because she doesn’t have it in her anymore to fight the injustice she once willingly and self-servingly participated in. So, on top of being incapable of apology, Andy also doesn’t vow to do better. She doesn’t accede to change.

If there is one reason for why “The Old Guard” is a fucking absolutely shitty title, is that it refers to people who refuse to accept new ideas and progress. We are in a fandom that has four canonically queer characters, three people of color, and two female leads! Maybe the irony is intentional but damn, why is it that Andy, PROTAGONIST #1, hasn’t completely caught up with the program?

And that brings me to why I think Andy’s reckoning will not be on the same level as Nicky’s. Because as popular as Kaysanova is, neither Nicky or Joe are the main protagonists of TOG.

We don’t follow Nicky or Joe (or Booker) into scenes. The men are strictly back-at-the-ranch, supporting characters. We follow Andy or Nile (who also have the most screen time, I believe, but fact-check me). Filmically speaking, we ought to value them with a measure of precedence. Their words and actions matter the most, especially Andy’s by nature of how everyone looks to her for guidance.

So, with all that in mind: How does one reconcile a beloved protagonist with a despicable past in slavery, of all things? In the wake of an international racial reckoning, how is a celebrated, white South African actress going to fulfill that role? How is production going to balance fantasy with reality? How are Rucka and other involved writers (Theron, Prince-Bythewood?) going to alter the original IP, while retaining the nuance of this moral quandry?

Forgive me for the overkill but: How is it going to happen?

I’m well aware that my thoughts are going down a rabbit hole, and I am definitely overthinking this, but as somebody who’s genuinely curious about whether Victoria Mahoney and the rest of the TOG crew will have the guts to confront the issue head-on, or if they’ll take the easy way out. Excise the bits that no one wants to talk about, much less watch in a feel-good film that TOG has become for many fans.

Whatever production ends up doing, I hope that 2O2G doesn’t end on a cliffhanging “pity Andromache” note because, damn, I’m gonna feel real uncomfortable scrolling through fandom posts, reading people defending slavery and giving the same “the past is a foreign country; they do things differently there” spiel, in order to protect a fictional character played by a conventionally-attractive cis heterosexual white woman.

(Also: If the past is so different from the present, why are there still calls for social justice? Why do ALL industries still lack diverse and equitable representation?)

Now, this is where I’ll go back to the original question and say: While I think Nicky functions well as an example for change/growth/redemption, I don’t think his change serves as a good comparison to Andy’s. I say this, even while I’m aware of double standards in gender, and even between the reception of gay characters vs lesbian characters vs etc. (re: I’m open to critique).

My line of thought stems from the fact that, canonically, Nicky always had Joe. The two have seemingly been inseparable from the moment they first killed each other. It’s likely that Joe would check Nicky whenever he said or did something wrong and offensive, and perhaps this symbiosis was mutual.

(I also have a feeling that many people easily disregarded the Christian/Muslim conflict because A) lack of knowledge in BOTH religions and B) the onscreen couple appear very much in love, especially when one is giving a beautiful monologue on the nature of their relationship. When we meet Joe and Nicky, we meet them at their best. Shout-out to interfaith couples who know more about this than my single (and secular) ass does, and might have more to say about this.)

On the other hand: Andy never had someone who was like how Joe was for Nicky. No one ever calls out Andy because A) she’s the oldest, B) she’s the lead, and C) her business card says ANDROMACHE OF SCYTHIA, WAR GOD. Yeah, she had Quynh/Noriko but— at the risk of yelling at Rucka for vilifying a queer woman of color (or praising him for not leaning on the stereotype of Asian passivity? idk, anyone got thoughts on this?)— Noriko is clearly not encouraging good behavior. Neither will Quynh if Netflix lets 2O2G be as faithful to the comics as TOG1 was.

Which means the Law 282 conversation might be…unavoidable? Somewhere along the line, we still end up in the hotel room with Andy, on the floor, pleading for her crew to not abandon her, even though she is the one who abandoned their cause.

This sets up a circumstance in which Fade Away might be spent trying to redeem Andy/Charlize Theron, bring her back to the “good side,” teaching her to be better— thereby highlighting her experience and “salvation,” rather than making a point of her past, and the reality of her actions. In other words, a “pity the white woman” fest.

(Because I’m crossing my fingers that TOG production/Netflix know better) In an effort to prevent that from happening, I wonder if Rucka will combine Force Multiplied with Fade Away for the 2O2G script. Given the series’ track record, I think it is feasible that FA’s release coincides with 2O2G’s, and that it finally resolves Andy. Whether by revitalizing her energy as a do-some-gooder, or finalizing her vulnerability by putting her 6,000 years to rest, thus handing off the reigns to Nile and a new generation of leadership.

The last thing I want to leave off with is: I don’t hate Andy. It’s a credit to Rucka and fellow writers (from film and fandom) that I don’t.

I might not love her character as enthusiastically as I used to, but that doesn’t mean I’m not amazed by her creation. She’s a female lead whose sexuality is not exploited by the male gaze; whose emotional vulnerability is not considered a hindrance to, nor an explanation for, her battle prowess; and whose unabashed queerness is not reinforced by cookie cutter stereotypes. Andromache the Scythian is AMAZING.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to excuse or ignore her most glaring and contemptible flaw. More than anything, I’d love to sweep her past under the carpet so that 2O2G can be problem-free. Like many people, I just want to enjoy a movie without getting triggered.

I want to see Quynh and Andy kiss and make up. I want to see Joe rocking Those Shorts, and a cheeky shot of Nicky appreciating his ass. I want to see Nile welcoming Booker back to the family again. Some form of group therapy would be chef’s kiss.

But something about glossing over/removing slavery from Andy’s narrative reeks of dishonesty, and reminds me that the (Hollywood) movie industry is full of people who do not want to be tainted with negative perceptions. Understandably, appearances are their livelihood— but that particular truth is something they still have to reckon with.

[byunbaekby]

to the one who ran away—park jisung.

warnings: none! word count: 2.2k series: letters never sent  summary: a collection of letters. never sent, never read, never shared, these words are for you and you only. they exist to simply remind you of your emotions, and how strong and all-consuming they can be. when you look back upon these notes, you’re reminded of all your failed love stories, happy endings nowhere in sight. will you ever find the one?  

Your mom catches you staring at the neighbor’s son sitting on the grass across the street. 

“Honey, just go over and say hi.” Your mom beckons you, taking a box from your dad as he lifts it out of the moving van. You blink, staring at the boxes still left to be unsheathed. 

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm,” she encourages, already beginning to walk back inside the house. “I’m sure he’s nice, just go and introduce yourself. Just like I taught you.” She shoots an encouraging smile your way, but you continue standing. It’s not like you can help unload the boxes, you’re only nine for god’s sake. 

“Okay!” You agree, a gracious childish smile on your lips as you grab your doll, a little stuffed rag at this point, and skip across the street to the neighbor’s house; not without looking both ways across the road, though. 

The neighbor’s lawn is bigger than yours, with a big old tree in the middle of the green grass. Underneath that tree and resting under the shade, a little boy is playing with his toy train. He looks like he’s the same age as you. As you approach he doesn’t seem to notice you, even though you’re hopping and skipping with every step. The front door of his house is open, but his parents are nowhere to be found. 

“Hi!” You exclaim, probably a bit too excitedly as you jump on the grass right in his field of view. He looks up and his eyes widen comically. You don’t even give him time to respond as you jump into the introduction your mom had taught you: “Hi, my name is Y/N, I’m nine years old. My favorite color is purple, I’m an only child, I just moved in, and I want to be frie—”

You don’t get to finish, because the boy stumbles to his feet and runs inside the house, clutching his train to his chest. “H-Hey! Come back!” But he doesn’t, and you’re just left there standing alone. 

Perhaps you had come on a bit too strong. 

Narrowing your eyes, you try to gaze inside the house but to no avail. A sigh leaves your lips. 

Yeah, definitely too strong. 

You’re about to walk back home, swinging your raggedy doll, but a woman walks out from the door. She’s tall and slim, but behind her you see him again. That same boy, except now his toy is out of sight and he peers over at you with frightened eyes from behind his mom. 

“Hi,” the woman speaks, her voice soft and sweet. “Who are you, sweetie?”

You stare up at her tall figure, gulping before replying. “I’m Y/N, I’m nine years old. My favorite color is purple, I’m an only child, I just moved in, and... I want to be friends.” Unlike her son, she lets you finish your long practiced speech.

The eyes with which she gazes at you are sweet and awestruck. “Aw,” she coos, reaching behind her to rub her son’s dark hair. “Look Jisung-ie, she just wants to be friends with you.” He continues to peek at you meekly, still grasping onto his mom’s leg. “Do you want to be friends with Y/N?”

For a long moment, he just stares. He’s taking in your appearance, your pigtails, the bows on the tip of your shoes, and the doll you have in your hands. You try your best to look nice under his scrutiny, wearing the bright smile that you practiced in the mirror. He seems to take a long time to make a decision, but you and his mom wait patiently. 

“No,” he finally says before scurrying back into the house. 

—age nine.

“So are you like, sad?”

You sit up and ask Jisung, who lays a couple feet away from you. You’re both on his front lawn, perched on the grass under the shade of the very tree you had first met him under. It’s the first time in the while that you’ve hung out like this,not since he decided suddenly that he had a crush on your classmate Kim Minju. 

Your best friend stops touching his phone for a second to think, as if pondering your question. A silence ensues. You expect him to be sad, it’s normal after all. His first relationship, down the drain. But how serious can a twelve year old’s romance be, anyways? He seems to come to this conclusion also, for he shakes his head. “Nah.” 

“Not at all?”

“Not really.”

You blink at him, not really understanding his point of view. He asks you next, “Are you sad? About Samuel?”

His question catches you a bit off guard, but after a moment you shake your head. You didn’t really like Samuel all that much other than the week after he had given you a candy bar for Valentines’ Day. That week, you were basically in love with him. But now, not really. You’d preferred Jisung’s company more than Sam’s. 

“No.” You respond, laying back down in the grass next to him. 

The two of you sit in silence for a moment, watching the sunlight slide between the dancing leaves, until he speaks up. “Good.” 

—age twelve.

Dear Jisung,

To be honest, I have no idea what the heck I’m trying to write here. I was talking to my mom about you, and she told me that if I have so many things to say, then I should write a letter. So here I am. I don’t think she meant it seriously, though. But to be honest I’m getting real fed up with you, so I took her seriously. 

Here’s why you’re getting on my nerves, even though it’s already been a year since you moved. Actually, that’s why I’m mad at you. Because you left. 

Mom says that you had no choice, and that you were moving because you had to. But she’s wrong. Completely, totally wrong. She has absolutely no idea how I’m feeling right now. I’m not mad because you moved to a new town to a new house with a new school and a new best friend that you post on your MySpace feed all the time now. I’m mad because you moved without saying anything. 

You see, Jisung, when I met you that day I moved in, I knew you were going to be someone special to me. I was only nine (and taller than you, which I know you hated), but I knew you were going to be my best friend. You remember it, don’t you? The way I skipped across the street into your yard and demanded you be my friend? You were scared, stranger danger of course, but your mom encouraged you to play with me. I knew, I just knew in my little bones that you were going to be my best friend. 

And you were. 

For a short while, at least. Four years with me by your side, it must have been annoying huh? I know for me it was. I considered giving you away a couple times. Especially when you cut off one of my pigtails after I ate the last gummy worm! That was low, and even you knew it. 

But for the most part, I really liked having you as my best friend. It was nice, carpooling with you to school every morning in the back of your mom’s old van, then walking home together. It was even nicer always having someone to hang out with at any hour of the day, just across the street. We saw each other every day for four years, but I never got bored of being friends with you. For a long time, it felt like it was you and me against the world, even if the world we knew was just the street we lived on. Even though you eventually grew taller than me, I was always smarter than you. 

I was smarter than you because I figured out that you liked me before you even knew. 

That one day, when we were twelve, you saw Kim Samuel give me a candy bar on Valentines’ Day. Then the next day, I saw you holding hands with Kim Minju. She was your girlfriend for like, two weeks until Samuel started crushing on the new girl in our class. That was really dumb and stupid of us, little twelve year olds thinking we knew anything about relationships. But what can I say, we’re only fourteen now anyways. We might not know anything, but I know this: you liked me. 

First, I knew it because I saw the look in your eyes in the school hallway when Samuel gave me that Kit-Kat bar; you must have been jealous. I’ll admit, I was jealous too. I was jealous because Minju only lived down the street from us and you insisted on walking her home every day too. So then, our after school walks home and adventures grew to three people. 

And everybody knows that the sidewalk is only big enough for two people to walk side by side.

After you “broke up” with her (twelve year olds breaking up, how tragic), things went back to normal. But then we were thirteen and I heard from someone in our class that you liked me. They whispered it in my ear during art class, making me spill pink paint all over my blue sky. You liked me. Like, liked me. It should have been surprising but it wasn’t really. 

Because I liked you too. 

You must have known, the way I did. After that, I waited for you to confess to me. Why? I don’t know, I was lame okay? I thought that guys were always supposed to be the one to confess. It seemed romantic at the time but now I just wish I had spoken up. 

In some ways, I tried. Do you remember that one Friday when we were walking home, and I hooked my index finger around your’s? That took a lot of courage. You seemed fine, but when we got home you ripped your hand from mine without even saying goodbye. And then on my birthday, when you surprised me with that bracelet that I had been wanting from the mall, I tried to hug you, but differently. Instead of hugging your chest like I usually did, I tried to wrap my arms around your neck. It’s different. It’s more… intimate in a way. I had to tippy-toe. 

But you pulled away. 

Literally, you just slid your head under my arms and then rubbed your neck awkwardly before running back to your house. Imagine how that felt. 

And then one day, two weeks after school finished, I saw the moving truck parked in your driveway. I had been scared, running to my mom and almost running outside, but she stopped me. “Jisung and his mom are moving to Seoul,” she said. Tch, you didn’t even tell me. She said she knew for a week already, which meant you already knew since before school got out. She thought you’d told me already. But the thing is, you didn’t. 

I waited and waited, and guess what, I waited a little bit more. But you never came. 

And then two days later, you left. Just like that. Just in and out of my life. 

You didn’t even say goodbye.

While I was waiting, I saw you a couple times. From my bedroom window, I could see your driveway perfectly. Sometimes, while packing boxes into the truck, you looked over at my house. Once, I even saw you walk across the street, stop in the middle, then walk back home. Why did you do that?

Did our friendship not mean anything to you? Four years of teasing, walks home, sharing ice cream cones at the shop because we couldn’t afford two between us? I guess not.

You don’t even call anymore, and it’s not because you don’t know my house number. You knew it by heart, because you used to call me when you needed help with homework. It’s only been a year, but I wonder if you ever think of me. It can’t be that easy to forget me, can it? Even when I watched you and your mom drive away in that big old moving truck, with your head hanging out the window watching the street you grew up on slide past, I always thought you would come back. 

But you haven’t. And that’s the thing about you, Jisung. You always run away. From people, from things that scare you, from things that make you uncomfortable. You ran away when I wanted to be your friend. You ran away when the neighbor’s big dog got loose and jumped in front of us on the way home. You ran away when I tried to hold your hand. Always running. Doesn’t it get tiring? It annoys me so much. I would call you a coward but that’s a really mean word and in some ways I’m a coward too. 

My mom says that friends come and go, and that life will move on. I guess she’s right. So it’s time for me to let you go. I really don’t want to, but I guess it’s time. Trust me, this is the hardest thing I’ve done in all fourteen years of my life. 

I’m sure your new house in Seoul is nice, but I doubt you have a big tree in your yard to play cards under or a neighbor who will hang out with you whenever you’re bored. I really hope not, so you can remember to miss me sometimes. 

Bye, Jisung. Thanks for being my friend. 

From your neighbor,

Y/N.

—written at age fourteen. no address, never sent. 

[boitanosbitch]

Index/Tags

(making this so I can link it in my pinned post)

*NOTE - I tag pretty much every character’s name but i didn’t put everyone here bc there’s not a lot of (for example) gerald art. i also only tag ship names for the ships i like lol)

PAIRING + GROUP TAGS

stan + kyle

kenny + wendy

craig + tweek

also a special tag for Youth Pastor Craig and Imp Tweek

Bus Stop (line-ups of the main four)

The Other Bus Stop (i.e. Craig and those guys. i’m petty and i don’t tag this if it doesn’t include jimmy)

The Goth Kids (together or separate, but they also each have their own individual tag too)

SIBLINGS TAGS

Broflovski Bros (Kyle and Ike)

Marsh Kids (Stan and Shelly)

McCormick Kids (Kenny, Karen, Kevin, or any combination of two)

Tucker Kids (Craig and Tricia)

In a similar vein, I added a tag for posts that feature other Family Members as well.

COSTUME  / EPISODE TAGS

The Fractured But Whole + Superhero

Phone Destroyer

Stick of Truth + Fantasy

Anime/”Good Times With Weapons”

“I Should Never Have Gone Ziplining” “Free Willzyx” (or just Kyle and orcas) “Pandemic” / Pan Flute Outfits “Follow that Egg!” “Lil Crime Stoppers” “The Losing Edge” / Baseball Outfits Stan with Snowball the Rabbit

South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut (all BLU-related content)

Satanic Stan / “Freemium Isn’t Free”

“South Park is Gay” / The metrosexual outfits “W.T.F.” / Wrestling Outfits (includes “Tweek vs. Craig” tbh) Goth Stan Jersey Kyle Canadian Mountie Ike! Just make sure you don’t end up naked and jacking it in San Diego... Fingerbang!

....mike gainor? “You Got F’d int he A” / The Dance Movie Episode The girls as cheerleaders Am I Just an AirBnB in Santa Clarita? (+ “i don’t even have a machine to play fallen order on...”)

SEASONAL / HOLIDAY TAGS

Halloween! (both references to Halloween episodes and general Halloween-themed posts)

Winter and Winter Holidays! (also includes snowmen and similarly holiday-ish winter scenes)

Birthdays! (Whether referencing an in-show Birthday scene or just a birthday post for one of the characters)

ART STYLE TAGS

Comic

Gifs

Animation (original and some show animation)

Redraw / Reanimate (includes not-quite-redraw art that’s based directly on scenes or poses from the show)

Poster-style Art

TROPE TAGS + AUs + OTHER FUN STUFF

Grave: Kenny Standing at His Grave

Angel Kenny: Kenny with Angel Wings

Guitar Hero: Stan and Kyle playing guitar hero!

Cheesing: Kenny Cheesing

You’re Getting Old: Sad and/or drunk Stan (includes all references to “You’re Getting Old” and “Assburgers”)

Whale Wars: Stan being an animal-lover

Crossovers: includes crossovers w/ other media and AUs

Freaky Friday: Reversals/Age-Swaps/Costume Swaps, etc.

Kids Being Kids: exactly what the tag says

Precious Moments ™: someone getting their ass kicked

BLU Goodbye: Various takes on Kenny’s “Goodbye, You Guys” scene from the South Park Movie

Skaters: The kids with skateboards

PSP: Kenny with his PSP

Behind-the-Scenes and Making-of (and some screenshots/gifs from the show)

text posts / discourse / etc

memes and jokes

PERSONAL FAVORITES

faves (design)

faves (composition / dynamic / vibe)

CHARACTER TAGS

bebe ⌁ butters ⌁ cartman ⌁ carol mccormick ⌁ craig

clyde ⌁ ike ⌁ jimmy ⌁ karen ⌁ kenny ⌁ kenny’s rats

kevin (mccormick) ⌁ kyle ⌁  mr. possy ⌁ nichole

randy ⌁ sharon ⌁ sheila ⌁ sparky ⌁ stan ⌁ stripe

stuart  ⌁ terrance and phillip ⌁ timmy ⌁ token ⌁ towelie

tweek  ⌁ wendy  

********************************

trigger/content warning tags i use: death, gun, blood, gore, suicide, death mention, suicide mention (feel free to ask if there’s something you’d like me to add!)

[wherethefuckisthatjigsawpiece]

so if you are reading this then i am dead.

Yeah. So. I maybe died. I know on tumblr the famous “if you’re reading this I’m dead” story is from that poor transgender kid who committed suicide. I can confirm that this is not a suicide note. But if you are reading this I am likely dead. So. I suppose this will be equally pleasant to read. 

So... long story short, I got cancer. I got cancer at 23. I got diagnosed with a stage four cancer which did not present any symptoms and which the doctors did not find in time enough to stop it. Being a paranoid health nut did nothing, it turns out. While I hope my death will not be painful I can at least tell you that my “treatment” so far has not been. The NHS is great, they provide so much care and support for me, it’s like having a legal drug dealer lol. The compassion of the nurses who are so overworked and underfunded is inspiring and I hope that Britain protects its health care system to its dying breath. It’s not great, obviously, dying, but I’ve spent the last year just visiting my friends, playing all those video games I never had time for because of work, and spending time with my family. It’s been really nice. Like being on holiday almost. Also because I didn’t go through chemo I’ve still got my ultra great head of hair. It’s actually really important to me that you, random person reading this, know that my hair was fucking sweet. Naturally thick and curly. I didn’t know that other people had to curl their hair, that’s how privileged I was. Know that I’m entirely unapologetic about bragging about this. I also had a cracking set of boobs. The gods would weep.

My point is that while this “journey” has obviously been quite dark and sad and I know that darker and sadder times are ahead of me... I’ve done okay. I’ve enjoyed myself. I listened to the rain and found all the damn Zelda shrines and I spent time with people who love me. I’ve given myself nice things and had a nice time with others. But it’s hard to figure out how to tell people that you’re dying. I don’t look sick so I have the added pleasure of having to tell a friend that I’m dead when I look perfectly fine. It’s harder still to account for places like this. Places where people know you solely online. I wonder if someone reading this thinks that I am joking. Kinda hard to verify to be fair. But this account will go silent at some point so this is a good-bye regardless of whether or not you believe me. (Regardless! The title of that fic I never finished! Maybe I should have. That was a fun thing to write.) 

There’s that tumblr comic about ghosts on the internet, a person reflecting on how a dead person’s internet accounts do not get deleted and stay hanging there quietly. I don’t think I will delete this account. I might perhaps give the login to someone else so it can be deleted a little later on but I don't know for sure. But I want to offer some closure about where I have gone, even if its just to one person. So if you’re reading this, I’m dead. Or I’m likely close to death. I will schedule this for a few months from now, and if I reach that point and I still feel okay, I will push it back a few more months. I hope I will get to do this at least once. And you might be wondering, person online, why I did not tell you this while I was still breathing. Maybe you would have had something to say. Hell, maybe I’ll change my mind and I’ll share the secret. But if I don't, know that I am not suffering and that I am not struggling for avenues to express myself. I just didn’t know how to do it is all. I’m sorry to leave you with feelings that may be hard to work through. I am sorry. I do not want to leave. But I am. And I’m protective over the time I have while I am not dying. I’ve used tumblr less since my diagnosis but I like my casual scroll-throughs on a morning. People make a lot of fun content. It’s nice to see. I got tumblr mostly for my hockey fandom (Stars represent!) and I’m happy to say that my interactions on here have nearly almost always been positive, I’ve made some great friendships. Many of them have been fleeting but beautiful in that regard. Like maybe there’s that one person on the bus who you’ve never spoken to but you always smile at and when something weird happens, you share a quiet look over your newspapers. I like things like that. And there’s a lot of that on tumblr. 

Funnily enough, when you find out that you’re dying, you just want to be nice. Not in a “oh shit I need to cram for heaven” kinda way, but it’s like. If I told you that your meeting with a friend was going to be your last one and that you’d never see them again, you’d tell them that you loved them. When the clock is ticking, you just want to put good things out into the world. So person online, know that I want you to be okay. I want you to feel unapologetic about telling a creep to fuck off. I want you to know that you deserve kindness and good things without any guilt. I don’t want you to have to spend your whole damn life working. I want you to be able to eat bread and butter slowly and enjoy the peace that you have. I hope that you always find the good fics. I hope that you don’t feel embarrassed about your face without make up because its just your face and even if it takes you a super long time I hope that you’ll learn that it doesn’t look bad. I want you to know that your own company is not a punishment and that its far better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t treat you right. I want you to buy yourself something nice this week, if you can. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. (Selfishly, if this is you, I want you to get over your obsession with calling dogs and puppies “doggos and puppers” because that’s fucking annoying as shit. But then again, it’s perfectly harmless and I’m dead after all, so do what you like.)

My point is that I have a met a lot of cool people through tumblr, fellow hockey fans, fellow readers and writers, and as such my feelings on this site are substantial enough that I feel like my time here warrants a final bow. Or a final shrug of my shoulders as I quietly depart, perhaps only noticed by a handful of people. Which is fine. I’ve realised that most exits in life are only observed by a few people. I’m sad to go. I can’t pretend to be at peace with this. But I had fun. And a lot of you helped with that. So thank you. I hope that you’re okay. 

xxxxx

_

If you are reading this and you are a complete stranger who found themselves at my page through a gifset or otherwise, then hello. I know realistically that a lot of the content on the internet was made by people who are no longer around but it’s weird to confront it in reality. I hope you’re doing well. 

If you are reading this and you think that you might know me in real life, please do not go through my tumblr and do not share your suspicion with others. While my many posts in which I call Tyler Seguin a slut and do various other cringey things are... there, I quite enjoyed the privacy I had here. I did not tell people about my tumblr account for a reason. Please respect my privacy. Consider it my dying wish. 

[spiralesbian]

ALRIGHT

here’s my full Stranger Avatar Sasha Archivist timeline:

(also, thanks to @artbyblastweave for being so interested in my lil au!)

SEASON ONE

sasha james is hired as the head archivist of the magnus institute!

her assistants are jon, tim, and martin

tim takes the thematic role of martin (aka getting tormented by my worm wife jane, and stays in the archives)

sasha reads thru statements and is a skeptic! she really does not believe it’s real until jane comes along.

“tim……………………..did you die here?”

“no, but every time i come to work i die a little more inside.”

cute timsha moment in the supply closet tho.

until martin kool-aid-mans through the door and gets them out of there

jon used to work in artefact storage so he hides in there. he’ll be fine

i actually can’t remember how they all get out but they do it KKJSDGFJHD

sasha takes everyone’s statements. tim is fucked up, martin is also fucked up, jon is actually fine though he seems pretty normal about this whole situation most definitely.

sasha realizes this is a bit more than a regular archivist job.

SEASON TWO

sasha gets paranoid of course. she learns more about gertrude because she never got the chance to meet her

she takes a statement from a guy named michael shelley. weird dude. then helen shows up :)

jon is most definitely himself he is just a normal regular grumpy jon i swear :)

sasha starts to manifest her powers a little bit. she doesn’t know it, but she is an avatar of the stranger, and a prisoner of the eye.

she starts to notice more things about jon? similar to this comic but with jon

eventually she + tim + martin help get jon out of the grip of the NotJon. this is my au and i get to choose who dies (it’s no one because i miss the s1 archival assistants too much).

jon is pretty fucked up from this though and at like a season-3-tim mindset already.

fucking goddamn leitner avatar of the fucking whore shows up to trap the NotJon in one of his shitty fucking novels. fuck this guy tho

he’s like Sasha We Must Talk and shes like okay but stay 8 ft away from me at all times you bitch

she leaves the room for 10 minutes and pipe murder occurs. good riddance

wait are the cops in the season i genuinely can’t remember. if they are, their roles don’t change very much. melanie and sasha feud, battle of the bi queens

SEASON THREE:

uh oh! girlie’s be framed for murder! she crashes at her ex gf georgie’s flat. also the admiral is there don’t think i would EVER cut him out of this story

(also jon is georgie’s ex too because i think that would be fun JDHBFHS)

sasha learns abt an upcoming web ritual (mirroring the unknowing), all that shit. gets kidnapped a ton of times, as usual.

helen is like “i am going to kill you because i hate gertrude <3 i was that dumb bitch’s assistant for too long” but michael busts out of the door like Hi Guys and traps her in the hallway.

sasha also gives her statement about a leitner she found as a child that marked her. its a stranger book and we learn her edgy orphan origin story how her parents were both murked by the stranger. fucked up if true!

back at the archives jon is like so fucking tired of this shit honestly and now martin is also pretty paranoid. also jm romance subplot is still very present!

tim is just trying to protect sasha at all times and he’s pissed she keeps leaving the country and getting fucking kidnapped

(remember when jon persuades the traffic cop?) sasha starts to fill her archivist role in a different way. she can shapeshift into the subject of a statement and uses her affiliation with the eye to coerce statements or info out of people. (example: if she needed a live statement from the guy in #90 Body Builder, she could temporarily make herself look like jared hopworth to the guy and ask “what happened to me?” or “what did i do?” and the guy would be like well he built some fucken bodies i guess let me tell you all about it) while reading the statements in america that refuel her, she fully shapeshifts into the statement giver while reading out loud.

once again i truly can’t remember daisy + basira’s roles until the end of the season. also melanie get shot by the ghost at some point

anyways sasha gets kidnapped by trevor and julia and they gerry lays out all the shit for her and she’s like ah! i’m fucked

tim offhand mentions the web ritual to martin and he loses his shit cause he’s marked by the web blah blah this isn’t a web!martin thing i swear i just need someone to fill tim’s role in the ritual and a lonely ritual would be fucking boring as hell as we learned from ass man peter lukas. i hate that man

so they make the plan to stop the web ritual (which is fucking hard when the offense knows your every move) so sasha, basira, daisy, jon, and martin go.

tim stays back at the institute to burn shit and distract elias. elias does some fucked up shit as usual and it makes me sad

the ritual starts! they have a plan to blow it up and run but like. u know how it goes

instead of the unknowing-stranger-dream-sequence, we get everyone kinda mixed up in a huge spider’s web on the big stage and its still quite confusing because this ritual not only manipulates the prey, but also the prey’s perceived reality. the web is also in current control of the buried coffin cause they think that shit is kinda fun. they yeet daisy into it.

hard to describe what happens, but basira keeps her cool, jon is a bit lost in his own mind, sasha tries to use her powers to escape but fails. she manages to get through to martin through the strings and mounds of spiders and she tosses him the detonator.

[squishing spider noises]

SEASON FOUR:

martin doesn't die, i told you i can't kill the og archival assistants! he does lose most of one leg though, he took the blunt of the explosion.

sasha in da hospital in da coma. tim is mad he can’t wake her up and then my man ollie says “ur fucked up mate” and she wakes up

(and because coma jon has such wild hair controversy, i’m establishing that her head was shaved when she was in the coma. it grows back thru s4. it she keeps one side shaved cause she’s cool)

meanwhile tim is recruited by that dumbass man you know who i don’t even wanna say his stupid fucking name

sasha gets daisy out of the buried. they become avatar pals!

(there is the biggest blank in my memory where all of season four should be. at this point i should just relisten to the entire fucking show but i would literally just forget it all again)

melanie says hm. fuck this! and blinds herself. she goes to live with georgie (and that’s the moment jon and sasha realize they are both georgie’s exes FHFHDJD)

tim continues to fight the lonely pull. he thinks that since p*ter l*kas is tied to the institute, he can blind himself out cause melanie was successful. he is wrong. he is also interrupted by elias midway, and only blinds one eye, and loses most of his sight in the other. elias’s hold on him is weak, but this just drives him way farther into the lonely.

gotta be honest i remember the end of season four but like i couldn’t visualize what was happening at the end so i like don’t understand what happened JGDKFJGD but sasha intervenes (???) and peter yeets tim into the lonely (???) and sasha jumps in (??????) after him. elias is just there i guess?

instead of “look at me martin,” sasha finds tim and at this point her form is warped and hard to recognize because of stranger powers, and tim is almost 100% blind, so she says “don’t look at me, see me. see me tim, it’s me.” and finally creates a clear image of herself. “it’s...it’s you. you’re my sasha.”

they break free and go to scotland i guess KHSDDKDSF

idk what happens with jon and martin im losing continuity at this point. fuck it, they smooch <3

“ah these are the statements.”

“yes. basira said last week she’d send some up as soon as the archives weren’t a crime scene. and she wasn’t sure which ones you’ve read already, so she, she just said she’d send a bunch.”

“.........Hello Sasha.”

(alternate ending: personally i think sasha would read through each statement before speaking them aloud cause that’s what i would fucking do, so she would get this statement and be like “lmao tim come look at this elias trying to prank me dumb bitch think i’ll start the apocalypse for him. fucking little puny bitch boy. anyways what do you want for dinner?”)

SEASON FIVE:

“just. listen.”

“...i’m dead. and you have been chosen to be my replacement as head archivist. hopefully, this means you, jon, but if someone else is hearing this, and elias has made a different choice for some reason, then these words are still very much intended for you.”

sasha in full stranger avatar mode and is like 8ft tall and her faces shift a lot as they go through the realms. except the stranger is the second to last one (the panopticon is last obviously).

helen and michael actually talk shit out in the spiral hallway and now they are mlm wlw solidarity and both like tim and sasha are such bi and trans icons <3 this is so fun don’t you love the fearpocalypse <3

oh daisy n basira trapped in the hunt, and jon and martin are trapped in the stranger. wtgfs + the admiral are like in space or some shit idk but they are ok :)

not much to report other than she is my monster wife <3

i really don’t have many theories to how everything in s5 is gonna pan out, and i would like to closely mirror the actual show, so maybe as we get closer to the end i’ll build more on to this! thanks a lot for all the notes on my first sarchivist post!! also if u wanna make art this specific au DEF tag me in it i’d love to see!!

[harrylee94]

Log Entry XXXXXX - Chapter 5

Summary: A new space station, complete with the most high spec and up to date technology there is to offer, has been set up at the edge of the known universe, a new way point for explorers to keep in contact with the rest of the human race. It has been carefully designed by the best scientists and engineers Earth could offer, and now 7 brave souls are being sent out to ensure everything works perfectly.

However, when Logan wakes from cryosleep from the journey, he is informed that several things are now in need of repair, though everything had been in perfect working condition when the station had been reconstructed before he and his crew had arrived. They will have to solve the problems they’ve been left with before the station is up and running, and yet Logan can’t help but feel he’s done this before…

Relationships: Intrulogical (Remus/Logan)

Warnings: Blood, Gore, Parasites, Remus having an overactive imagination, It’s an Among Us crossover so there will be bad stuff afoot.

A/N: The ending was heavily inspired by this post, which I loved so much I had to include it!

For those of you who don’t know, this story is based off of a comic by @fangirltothefullest which I HIGHLY recommend you check them out on the link above! Their art is AMAZING.

Note to everyone before we begin; there will be graphic descriptions of gore, dismemberment, possibly torture, and any other awful things that come with the territory of writing a story in an Among Us universe.

Link to; Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

To read it on AO3 please click here.

Chapter 5: Log Entry #59

Stardate: October 17th XX20. 6:17 AM

Logan was tired. He’d lived the same six hours over fifty times now, give or take an hour or so each time, and not once had he been given a chance to rest. Though his body might have been able to handle the strain this time loop was creating due to its very nature, his mind could not. He had snapped at Remus for the first time today, had pushed him away before Remus pushed past his defences and held him close until he told him what was going on with the briefest of explanations.

Remus had become a Host to one of the parasites no more than five times, the lowest number of all the others barring himself, mostly because Logan had been with him almost all the time save for those four instances when they'd been separated, and yet, despite knowing that time had been reset, making the last run essentially non-existent, Logan still couldn’t bring himself to trust the man he loved most in the world until those arms were around him. He felt disgusted with himself for ever doing so, and the guilt still riddled him for being so frozen when it had happened that first time, but the experience took its toll.

The worst time had been when they had been forced to vent him, sending the feral creature in Remus’s form shooting into space. Logan had watched as he’d drifted slowly away, his body expanding, a small splatter of blood escaping his lips as the oxygen was pulled from his lungs, rupturing them, until he grew still. Waking up after that, despite knowing that the real Remus had been dead long before that moment, Logan had hovered over Remus as he recovered from falling out of his cryotube until, after that initial contact, he clung to his partner and sobbed into his shirt for a long time.

It was a similar situation to the one he was in now actually, sitting in Remus’s lap as the man hummed, swaying back and forth and rubbing at his back. He wanted to sleep here, to just drift off and forget all of this was happening. He needed to recharge, but he couldn't.

“I can tell them that the cryosleep messed you up,” Remus suggested softly, pressing a kiss to his hair. “We can say that you need time to recover and you can stay here and sleep.”

Logan shook his head. “But then everyone will die.”

“Sounds like we do anyway,” Remus said. It was supposed to be comforting, or at least reassuring that taking a break would be okay, but Logan couldn’t help but to flinch. “Okay, not the right thing to say, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re burning yourself out.”

“I can’t stop.”

“You have to.” Remus held his face softly in his hands. “Why don’t you go back to sleep? Rest. Recuperate. Even I know I have to stop every so often or I’ll crash worse than the Hindenburg.”

“I can’t leave you to face this alone,” Logan said, leaning into his hand.

“You’re not. You’ve told me what’s happening and where to find the information I need to prepare.”

“That’s not the same.”

“Well I’m not letting you leave this room.”

Logan scowled at his boyfriend. “They will kill you. They will pull you apart, shred you from within, vent you into space, turn you inside out-”

Remus stopped his words with his lips. Logan hated how he still couldn’t resist this, that he would still kiss him back with desperation when he knew it was a distraction, but he couldn’t resist. These moments were sometimes few and far between, and he clung to them like a man starved of affection.

“I would die for you a million times if I had to,” Remus said against his mouth as he pulled a little away, even as Logan followed him. “I can see how tired you are. Sleep.”

Logan shook his head. “I can’t. I won’t.”

“You have to, or you’ll collapse.”

“Then I’ll collapse.”

“Logan!”

He huffed. “I won’t be able to anyway. My body is well rested.”

“That’s what drugs are for,” Remus said with a roll of his eyes.

Drugs? “You mean sedatives?”

“That’s what I said.”

Even though Remus was giving him one of his many smirks, undoubtedly a little proud of himself, Logan could see the worry etched into the faint lines by his eyes and the edges of his mouth, even in the way his fingers were still holding onto his face a little harder than usual. Remus was scared for him and that was just about enough to convince him.

“Janus is in charge of the mission,” he said after deflating with a sigh. “Patton and Virgil are usually the targets of the parasites, though I haven’t been able to figure out why yet, just that they have been most frequently chosen as the hosts. Orange is usually the first victim, probably because he is the one with the most advanced knowledge of the reactor and the engines. And work with Roman when you can; I know you can be a formidable team when you get past your differences.”

Remus nodded to each point, even if he looked disappointed at not being chosen to be the new leader, and rubbed his thumb over Logan’s cheek. “You’re making the right decision.”

“The only right decision I’ve made since this started was telling you,” Logan said and turned his head to kiss Remus’s palm. “I could never regret you.”

“I love you too, Lo,” Remus said, pressing a kiss to his lips again. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“I know,” Logan replied, unable to keep his sadness from tainting his words. “You always are.”

_______________________________

Stardate: October 17th XX20. 6:00 AM

Logan woke with the rising light of the fake dawn. The sting of the needle from the sedative had vanished, and the tingle of the cryosleep still sat in his muscles. He sighed, closing his eyes as he remembered his last conscious moments and smiled to himself when he heard the familiar thump of Remus falling out of the cryotube. The sound was more comforting than he thought could be possible, especially considering Remus was getting hurt every time, but it was a confirmation that Remus was there, that even though all these horrible things were happening, he was still able to have these moments with the love of his life.

He did feel more rested now, even if not recovered completely (though he doubted there would be much that would help him recover from what he was experiencing), and he heaved his still aching body up to look down at the one that was groaning on the floor with a fond smile.

“You’re supposed to wait for your blood flow to return to normal,” he said, voice gravelly as it always was just after waking.

Remus groaned again and looked up with a squint and a blink before he rolled over and grinned up at him. “Hey, beautiful,” he said, his voice sending shivers up Logan’s spine. “Did they make a mistake at the gates of heaven, because I’m pretty sure I’m meant to be roasting with a spit up my butt right now and not looking at a beautiful angel.”

Logan grinned, blushing a little. “Are you sure I’m not some sort of demon here to trick you into Hell?”

“I’d follow you anywhere; heaven or hell” Remus said, and Logan hummed at the sound of awe the man made.

“I know you would,” Logan said, only for his smile to fall a fraction. “I’ve already led you to your death.”

Remus blinked at him again. “Huh?”

_______________________________

Stardate: October 17th XX20. 7:06 AM

“How many of those notes have you made?” Remus asked as Logan walked with him towards the storage room, having decided to start his journey there this time.

“Fifty-two,” Logan replied, waiting for the bar to finish loading while absently picking up the empty fuel container to set Orange up for refuelling later. “I have, unfortunately, been unable to make notes in some instances, though I have made up for some of those delays in future loops.”

“And you’ve relived this day…?”

“This will be my fifty-ninth time,” Logan replied, setting his tablet aside so he could fill up the container.

Remus whistled. “And you don’t even know how many times we’d gone through the loop before!”

Before? Oh, he should have thought of that. It was entirely possible that the first time he could recall living through this ‘cursed’ day (if he was using the expression correctly) was not in fact the first time he had lived it. No one else could remember after all, and he had not made any notes the first time, so there would have been no proof left behind.

“It’s getting kinda full there, Logie.”

Logan flinched and quickly turned off the tap before the container could spill. “I… had not considered that.”

“Well it kinda makes sense, doesn’t it?” Remus said, screwing the cap onto the container and pulling Logan’s hand into his. “Do you think anyone else will remember? One of the aliens maybe!”

“Please, don’t even suggest that!”

“Sorry.”

Logan took a deep breath to calm himself and banish the thought of an even more challenging experience, and nodded. “It’s possible.”

Remus hummed and gave his hand a squeeze. “Can I look at the notes?”

“Of course.” He reached for his tablet and handed it over without looking at the screen, prying his fingers away so he could go in search of the next container.

“Um, how many notes did you say you’ve made?” Remus asked, the light of the screen reflecting on the surface of his visor.

“Fifty-two,” Logan replied, finding the container behind a box. “Why?”

“Because there’s fifty-three.”

Logan paused. “... What does the last one say?”

“It doesn’t say anything,” Remus said. “It’s a video, but it says I have to access it in Communications.”

A video? “You must have made it. I was asleep all of… yesterday.”

“Should we watch it?”

“I think we all should.”

_______________________________

Stardate: October 17th XX20. 7:18 AM

“I don’t see why you couldn’t have done this earlier,” Orange said as he leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest. “We’ve only been here for fifteen minutes. I haven’t had the chance to do anything yet.”

“Fifteen minutes is plenty of time to set up a deep space communications network,” Janus chipped in. “It’s not like we’ll need it or anything.”

“I am well aware that I am causing a great frustration to all of you, but I must insist on everyone watching this,” Logan said, still searching the system for the file.

“Haven’t we got more important things to be doing?” Virgil said. “Fixing the Station, maybe?”

“This is important,” Remus said, and Logan smiled. He’d stationed himself next to him, keeping watch on their team to make sure none of them would leave without making them feel trapped.

“Why?” Roman asked, suspicious.

“Because it is.”

His skills in defending this argument needed a little work though. At least now he’d found the file, and he opened it. A video file opened on the main screen as a black box, the play button waiting to be clicked.

“What’s the video about?” Patton asked as Logan stood up from his chair to allow everyone to see.

“I don’t know,” he replied softly and, taking Remus’s hand, pressed play.

For a few seconds the screen remained blank, only a timestamp in the corner counting the seconds giving any real indication of time passing as heavy breathing could be heard.

“Twelve thirty?” Janus said, looking at the numbers. “But the system-”

Whatever the man in yellow was about to say was lost as there was some rustling and the camera was uncovered. It was the Communications room from the perspective of the screen; the lights were off, but the screen was giving off enough light to reveal the mess the room had become. They couldn’t see the floor, but they could see that the door was closed, and there were streaks of what had to be blood across the wall.

And then there was the figure. Remus’s fingers tightened in Logan’s as they watched him haul Janus’s torso from the desk to set him down on the ground, the eyes already milking over. The body left a stain on his green suit, and when he looked back at the camera, it revealed that the visor on his helmet had been broken, a chunk of it missing entirely. He huffed and quickly removed it, tossing it aside.

He looked pale, his eyes holding an edge of mania, and his entire right ear and a section of his hair was missing dripping blood down his chin, which they saw with more clarity when Remus turned his head, his eyes on where the screen must have been. He laughed.

“Oh man, they got me good,” they said with a cracking voice, and Logan noticed a few side-glances towards them, but he was more focused on how the Remus on the screen was trembling ever so slightly. “Shit. I’m not going to have time to start this again, so uh, I’m sorry you had to see... “ He looked down at where he’d just put Janus’s body and swallowed. “They’ll be here any minute. I’ll be torn to shreds for sure.”

This laugh was broken and he sounded so close to snapping. “You told me! Patton and Virgil, you said. I kept an eye on them, but then Orange…” He shook his head. “Fuck. Fuck! Why did I let him leave?”

There was a bang on the door behind him and he spun around, but quickly turned back. “Rambling. Shit. They’ll get through-- I read all your notes. All of them. You’ve been through some fucked up shit, Logie! I mean, I believed you when you told me, but when I read it… This loop is fucked up.”

There was another bang.

“Oh Re~mus!” It was Patton’s voice, still so familiar and joyful, and yet punctuated with another hit to the door. “Come out and play!”

Remus had shut his eyes, leaning against the desk. “I watched them pull Roman’s heart out of his chest,” he said, a tear dripping from his cheek. “Janus is… Well, you saw that. Orange is scattered across one of the Engine rooms and they…  they found you. They took you and they made me watch as they put you in the trash shoot and--” He cut himself off as another bang rattled the door and looked up into the camera, eyes filled with tears.

“You had to do that to me once. I don’t know how you survived. It felt like my soul was being torn out of my chest when I watched you die.” He wiped at his cheeks, wincing as he caught the torn flesh, but otherwise he didn’t seem to care. He looked down again, his face hidden by his hair. “I don’t know if this will even work, but I wanted to leave a note, like you do.” When he looked up again his face was scarily blank.

“Log Entry number fifty-three. The parasites have taken Patton and Virgil as hosts again. It was in the Medbay. They went after Janus first, as he was alone. There’s evidence they played with him before they pulled him in two.”

“Who are you talking to, Remus?” came Virgil’s voice from beyond the door. “We’re the only ones left.”

Remus stalwartly ignored them, eyes fixed on the camera. “Orange and I found the body. He left to fetch the fuel so we could try to burn whatever they are. I heard his screams when I found Virgil, or the thing he’d become, with Roman. My brother had been pinned to the wall by its tentacles, and it ripped his heart out as he begged for mercy.”

Another thud, this one louder than the others before it, and Remus flinched.

“They must have run out of energy or something, because they only captured me and dragged me into Storage. The Thing with Patton’s face had dragged your body off the shuttle. You were still asleep when they stuffed you in the trash shoot. I… I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I must have screamed myself hoarse.”

He looked over his shoulder as the metal of the door groaned with the next hit, then turned quickly back.

“I somehow managed to escape, though not before they did this.” He motioned to his missing ear. “I ran everywhere. I think I must have slipped in Orange’s blood when I found what was left of him in that Engine room, because I left footprints. This is the first room I could find without vents. You mentioned vents a lot.”

The door groaned again and bent a little behind Remus, but he didn’t look this time. He just smiled.

“I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have saved you, but… I know I’ll see you again. I’ll wake up and fall out of the cryotube and I’ll make you pesto pasta for breakfast just to try to make you smile. You’ll tell me about this fucking time loop and I’ll believe you, because I know you. I know you would never lie to me about this. And I will tell you I love you. I’ll tell you that you mean more to me than life itself. I’ll-”

The door behind him tore open, the metal shredding like cardboard, and the figures of Virgil and Patton stepped through. Remus tried desperately to reach something on the desk but he was pulled away by Patton, who had barely moved, before he was given the chance. Remus’s helmet flew at Patton before Janus’s followed, and the wheely chair started to move across the screen as Remus yelled profanities at the creatures.

Virgil and Patton, meanwhile, had begun to unfurl, their tentacles escaping and their bodies splitting into gaping maws.

“Now that wasn’t very nice,” Not-Patton said as he pulled a struggling Remus up into the air by his foot, even as he continued to try and fight. A second, third and fourth tentacle stretched out to hold him still, and still he struggled.

“Fuck you! Fuck both of you! You dickasses both deserve to-” Remus’s shouts became muffled as Not-Virgil covered his mouth and gave the struggling man a considering look.

“You know, you’ve always been so fond of medieval torture,” it said. “Why don’t we try that, what was it? Ah yes, being hung, drawn and quartered.”

“That sounds like fun!” Not-Patton said. “Let’s do it in the cafeteria. The tables are better there.”

Not-Virgil nodded with a double grin and helped drag the screaming Remus from the room.

It took Logan a few seconds to remember how to breathe, staring at the screen as the silence around him threatened to engulf him, but then Remus pulled him closer and gave him the best hug he could while they were still in their suits. Logan clutched back at him, turning away from the screen as Remus continued to stare at it over his shoulder, and his entire body flinched when his own agonised screams came from the speakers.

“So-someone turn it off,” Remus said, shaken but still standing strong somehow.

There was some shuffling and the screams suddenly cut off, making the silence somehow even more unbearable. Remus gave Logan another squeeze.

“That… that can’t be real,” Virgil said after a few more moments, the edges of panic staining his words. “I’m not… Patton and I…”

“Remus?” Roman said, and Logan pulled away from his partner enough so they could both turn towards the rest.

They were all in various states of shock or disbelief; Patton had tears streaming down his cheeks, Virgil was clutching at his body, Janus looked to be trying to figure out if it had been an elaborate joke or not, and Roman looked blank. Orange, however, was the only one to look somewhat angry, which Logan thought was fair considering the circumstances.

“It’s real,” Remus said, his eyes still on the screen as he spoke but they landed on his brother soon after. “Everything I… he said is true.”

“You can’t expect me to believe that,” Orange said with a snort. “It’s very clever though. Did you set it up before we left Earth?”

“He can’t have.” Janus said hesitantly. “The plans for the Station were kept confidential, to be released to the public after we’d already left, and no one else would have helped him gain access.”

Orange frowned. “That… That can’t be right. If it was then…”

“Is everybody okay?” Patton asked beyond the tears.

“Oh yes,” Janus drawled. “I absolutely love watching one of my best friends get dragged away to be tortured and killed. It hasn’t affected me at all. Especially not the part where he had to drag my own lifeless body away from the camera.”

“... Yeah, me too,” Patton said softly, and he leaned into the hand Roman had set on his shoulder. “How is this possible?”

“Remus was talking to Logan in the video,” Roman pointed out.

“I don’t know,” Logan said. “I… I haven’t been able to find an answer. There must be some sort of… rift or something. A black hole near our orbit that’s distorting the flow of time. There is so much we don’t know about them after all, and it’s possible, but I haven’t seen any that would be close enough to cause any real changes to the environment. Perhaps it’s the parasites themselves, but that doesn’t make any sense or they would remember as well, and that hasn’t happened. Not yet at least, and I hope it never does.”

“It won’t,” Remus said, and Logan graced him with a brief smile.

“Believe us or not, this is still a problem,” he continued. “The parasites only take a host after 9:30am, though I cannot tell you the exact time as it changes depending on a variety of variables, but it is always near the Medbay or the Reactor. I suspect they might be found in the vents but I cannot be certain.”

“Oh. Great,” Virgil said, Orange having to step to his side to guide him into the chair, He immediately ducked his head between his knees and Logan could hear him trying to control his breathing. Patton was at his side a moment later to hold his hand and help guide him through his breathing techniques.

“Perhaps we should have a codeword!” Roman suggested with forced charm. “Something to say to each other so we know if anyone’s… you know.”

Logan shook his head. “It wouldn’t work. The parasite essentially becomes us once it’s in our system. The host knows that it’s a host, that it was once human, they just don’t care anymore.”

“And how would you know that?” Janus asked.

“I’ve… been one, once,” Logan replied quietly, looking away as Remus’s hand squeezed him in comfort. It was really a miracle that he hadn't been caught again, and it had been a close call on a few occasions, but somehow that first time had remained the only time.

“What do you propose we do then?” Orange asked.

“We stick together, get through as many tasks as we can to get the Station back to full operation before the creatures emerge, and find a way to get them off the Station.”

_______________________________

Stardate: October 17th XX20. 10:35 AM

There had been no sign of the aliens. It had been an hour since they should have appeared, and yet there had been nothing but a growing sense of dread and, in Orange's case, annoyance. It was becoming increasingly clear that the engineer was growing impatient, and that his belief in the credibility of the video was tenuous at best. The further notes on what Logan had been able to assess from his observation of the creatures had not helped either, though the others had been enough to keep him satisfied for a time. However, it seemed that his patience had finally run its course.

"Look, you guys can all huddle together like scared little bunnies," he said, as they waited for Virgil to finish sorting out the medical supplies, "but we have a job to do, and we can't do it if we're doing everything one bit at a time!"

"Kiddo, we're trying to-" Patton started, but Orange huffed and started walking towards the door.

"Spare me," he spat. "I'll be in the engine rooms if anyone needs me, doing my job."

With that he stormed out of the Medbay, heading out of sight around the corner. Logan, who had been taking notes about their situation on his pad on the bed nearest the door, looked after him and didn't even blink when the door shut immediately after. He wouldn't have been able to reach him in time either way. He turned back around and gave Remus a look.

"That… that was you, right, Sherlock?" Roman asked as his brother heaved the mattress he'd been lying on off the bed frame. The lights went out a moment later and Patton squeaked in alarm as the room plunged into a pitch darkness.

"No," Logan replied, glancing up at the fading glow in the bulbs. "No it wasn't." He turned back to his pad and started to hack into the door to open it again.

The mattress hit the floor.

"Shit, where's the vent?" Remus cursed, and Logan could hear him dragging the mattress around.

"Over here." Janus.

"Get away from it," Remus growled, even as he dragged the mattress closer.

"Be careful," Patton said from next to Virgil, the two of whom were the only people visible thanks to the faint light of the isolated test lab.

Remus grunted and, after some sounds of shuffling, the mattress flopped down heavily again, this time with a slight echo.

"Got it," Remus said after a little more shuffling. "How are the doors, Lo?"

Logan tapped a few more keys and had the door ready to open. "I'll open it when you get here. We don't know if they're waiting for us out there."

"You mean Orange might be-?" Roman asked, but couldn't bring himself to finish.

"I believe it is all but certain," Logan confirmed, and he heard someone -- probably Patton or Virgil -- whimper.

There was some more shuffling and Logan turned his screen around to shed some light on the room. From the shadows cast and the sight his suit could offer him, he could just about see Roman coming slowly closer, his arms outstretched so he wouldn't go into anything. Janus, Remus, Patton and Virgil were all clustered as a group, Remus keeping his hand on Janus's shoulder as he glanced back at where the mattress (and therefore the vent) must have been while Virgil seemed to twitch at every sound.

Once everyone had reached him Logan slid off the bed and joined the cluster. "Let's go."

_______________________________

Stardate: October 17th XX20. 10:52 AM

Walking around so close together was not only cumbersome but also a little claustrophobic. Logan could hear every breath, every footstep, feel each unexpected touch and each slide of shoes against his own. Patton and Roman would occasionally whisper the breathing exercises to Virgil to keep him from panicking too much, but otherwise it was a slow walk in near silence.

They had walked through both engine rooms on their journey to Electrical, and while it was dark, there had been no sound of Orange on the entire journey. It was all but certain that he was now a Host. Now, however, they had all stopped to look into the ominous darkness of the room before.

"This doesn't feel like a trap at all," Janus said.

"Do you think Orange might be in there?" Patton asked.

"Either that, or the second parasite is lying in wait," Logan replied, squeezing Remus's hand. "Either way, something has to be in there."

"So someone's either going to end up becoming a big tentacle monster with a mouth that tears their body in two, or they're going to end up as a kebab," Remus said with a nod. "I think I'd prefer kebab myself."

"I would prefer it if neither situation happened," Roman said, Virgil making a noise of agreement.

There were a few seconds where nothing happened, but then Logan sighed and released Remus's hand to step forward; or at least he tried to.

"What are you doing?" he asked, Remus's hold having only grown stronger.

"I'm not letting you go in there alone."

"Who said I was doing that?"

"You did." Remus caught his shoulder and turned in to face him. "You're never silent in group projects."

Logan clenched his jaw. "You know me too well."

"You know me better," Remus said with a slow grin.

Logan huffed in annoyance but turned back to the others. "The fuse box is at the back, next to a vent," he said. "If we stick together and keep an eye on it then we should be able to get through this easily enough."

"And if Orange is in there?" Virgil asked.

Logan shared a look with Remus (as much as he could in the almost complete darkness anyway). "We will have to… take action."

"... Oh," Virgil said, sounding a little queasy.

In a way Logan envied their naivety. He envied their ability to hope for a better solution, their expectations of getting out of this alive, but his own experiences had worn that away. He had always been defined by the truths and facts that had become his life, but now even that was being worn away, and he knew he was becoming more jaded in each loop.

"Let's get this over with," Roman said, bringing Logan out from his thoughts.

The scientist nodded and pulled Remus after him into Electrical. "The fuse  box is just around-"

The door slammed shut, cutting the couple off from everyone else.

“-... the corner.”

Remus stepped closer as a few bangs came from the door. “We’re dead, aren’t we.”

Logan swallowed. “Yes.”

Remus hummed. “These aliens; they take on our memories when they take us for a host?”

“I… yes, that’s right.”

“And we just want to kill everyone in sight.”

“Yes,” Logan replied, trying to block out the noises that were coming from outside the door. He needed all of his senses if he was going to get them both through this, though every calculation he was making was only leading them towards one bloody and awful end. “You’re just… angry, and there’s this hunger, and you crave it. Nothing from before matters. You simply loath humanity.”

Remus hummed again, and they both froze when they saw something moving in the dark. Logan was so focused on it that he barely registered the click-hiss that came from beside him, from Remus, and he only understood that he had removed his helmet when he was shoved back into the wall behind them.

“No!”

He could see it happening, the lights of the Medbay blinding in his memory as Remus threw himself forwards, but this time he would not be frozen. There was shouting coming from the other side of the door as he pushed himself off the wall, chasing Remus into the dark, but when the love of his stopped short and Logan crashed into his back, he knew he was too late.

“Remus,” he breathed, catching him as his knees gave out and holding him close as he choked on his own blood. “Oh God, what did you do?”

Remus grinned. “Saved… you.”

There was no time to argue, and the smile fell quickly to a cough as the parasite ravaged his body, making its home inside him. “Yes. You saved me, Remus,” he said, all but tearing his own helmet from his head. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

He kissed Remus’s blood spattered lips and carded his fingers through his hair as the door opened, ten seconds too late.

“L-Love… yo-you,” Remus stuttered, only to choke, his body stiffening as the shaking began.

“I love you too,” Logan said, vaguely aware that the others were talking, that someone was moving, and a second later the lights were on again.

There were tears streaming down Remus’s cheeks, and tears running down his own. He could see the patches of red where the parasite was chewing away at Remus’s body, seeping into the fibres of the suit, and Remus struggled with himself until he roared in pain. Logan watched as it clouded his eyes, his gaze only briefly leaving his partner’s when Roman tried to come to their side, but was mercifully held back by Virgil and Patton.

“It’s okay,” he muttered as Remus’s body slowly went limp in his arms. “I love you, Remus. I love you. It’s going to be okay.”

The dark threads he had seen before started to seep from each blood-soaked spot, crawling out to start encompassing Remus’s body, and he choked on a sob, holding Remus closer. All too soon the body was completely encompassed, and the shape in his arms congealed with the pressure he was exerting with his arms. Someone tried to pull him away but he shook them off.

“I’ll distract him,” he said, though the tears threatened to choke him.

“Logan-”

“Go!”

There was only a brief hesitation before they left. He tried not to think of the anguish in Roman’s eyes.

As the mass in his arms solidified back into the shape of his lover, his strands of hair growing back between Logan’s fingers, he looked into those eyes that he had grown to love and saw the brief flash of recognition.

“Logan…” Remus said, the pain gone but the fear he had seen before still hanging onto its last threads, but then even that was snuffed out, and all that was left was a growing hunger. The grin that stretched Remus’s lips grew inhumanly wide as sharp tendrils extended out from him to puncture Logan in every way possible. He gasped as he clung to Remus’s form, vowing to never let this happen again.

“You smell delicious.”

_______________________________

Stardate: October 17th XX20. 6:00 AM

Logan woke with wet cheeks. The light of the cyrodeck had never felt so cold.

[hp-imagines-07]

I can't believe I did it again

Sirius Black X Fem!Reader

Universe: Harry Potter; Marauders era

Type: fluffy, sad and angst

Summary: [y/n] is in love with Sirius and just her best friend, Remus, knows. Until, the day that they saw Sirius kissing another girl...

Request: YES|no - "Hi! Can i have an imagine with sirius black with 14,22,43,36? Thanks bb" @kerouacbridge

Prompts: 

14- "Why are you awake ?" "I could ask you the same." 

22- "It's nothing, I swear." "Yeah. sure, you're just bleeding to death." 

36- "It's cold here..." "Come here, I'll keep you warm." 

43- "SHE WAS CRYING BECAUSE OF YOU!!!"

Warnings: swearing

Song: xxx

Word Count: 1.8K

Posted: 22nd of April 2020

A/N: that's my first time doing a request with prompts, i really hope you like it - and [y/h] means 'your house' 

My Others Accounts: @imagines-07​ (Principal Account) | @stit-imagines-07​ (Stranger Things & IT) | @obx-imagines-07 (Outer Banks) | @cm-imagines-07​ (Criminal Minds) | @mcu-imagines-07 (Marvel Comics Universe)

MY MASTERLIST

Sirius Black...

Well he's a hell of a guy.

The one that all the girls want, the only bad boy at Hogwarts that is really worthy and the best friend of my best friend.

My best friend is Remus Lupin, one of the Marauders, just as Sirius Black, the boy I fell over heals for.

It's not easy being around him so frequently and try to hide my feelings, but looks like I'm not good at this hole thing of hiding feelings.

Moony already knows that, right now and it's been getting harder, because he keeps saying that I should tell for Sirius about my real feelings.

But I always say that I can't, 'cause he's never going to like me back, that's obvious.

But Remus just saw that, when me, James and him saw Black almost fucking a girl in the middle of a corridor.

I could fell the hot tears starting to come, but I couldn't let anyone else know about my secret love for Sirius, so I tried my best to hold my tears back and gave an excuse to the boys, running to my dorm, where I could cry until I didn't had any more tears.

That was the plain, until Lily, Marlene and Alice saw me running, and there wasn't a worse moment to let one single tear to fall.

So they stoped me and, as the girls asked what was wrong and started walking with me to the common room, everything that I did to hold back my tears was totally on the past.

The first tear came and, before I even knew, we were at their dorm, me crying my ass off and the girls trying to understand what I was saying.

"Wait, so you are telling us that you are in love with Sirius and you found him almost fucking a girl at a corridor?" Marlene asked, finally understanding what I was trying to say for the past 20 minutes.

"Oh merlin..." Alice said and hugged me.

Lily sat at the other side of me and dried the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs.

"Girls, did you saw----" Remus said opening the door and seeing us four at Lily's bed, the girls hugging me and my face all red.

He came to us, toke Marlene out of his way and grabbed my hands, pulling me to my best friend's embrace.

He hugged me tight and my sobs come back.

He knew the reason that I was like that, and that's what broke his heart with mine.

Both of us knew that he couldn't do anything to change Sirius feelings about me.

Neither I could.

When I calmed down, I took a bath at the girls dorm and waited until there wasn't anyone - that would stop me and ask why I was crying earlier - at the common room so I could go to my dorm.

The girls were already sleeping when I went downstairs, seeing the Gryffindor common room without a single person.

Thank god.

I sat at the couch in front of the fireplace and tried to organize myself before I would go to my common room.

I know that will be a few people there, probably talking about the match against Gryffindor, they probably are players of the team and, for my lucky, they would be a few of my friends.

Yeah, I'm a lucky girl.

But then, all my thoughts stoped as I heard the last voice that I was expecting and the last that i wanted to hear right now.

"Why are you awake?" Sirius asked to me, coming to where I was.

"I could ask you the same." I had to answer it, I didn't wanted to actually tell him the reason.

"You caught me..." He chucked and sat next to me at the couch, while I kept looking at the fire without a single expression, so he couldn't try to read what I was feeling.

We both sat in silence. 

That wasn't weird, after a moment I could just hear his breath.

*Flashback - Sirius' POV*

I got to my dorm and saw just James and Peter, where is Moony ?

"If you are asking yourself where Moony is..." Wormtail said and caught my attention. Did he just read my mind????? "He heard that [y/n] was crying and went to the girls dorm, because she's probably there." 

"But why was she crying?" I asked and sat beside Prongs at his bed. 

"We don't know..." He answered me, but it was obvious that James was lying. He knew why [y/n] was crying but he didn't wanted to tell me.

Even before I could open my mouth and complain about my brother lying to me, Remus opened the door and everyone looked at him.

"Bro, you're good?" I asked and he looked at me, then I saw his wet shirt - probably by [y/n] tears - and his angry face at me.

Maybe I should run... 

"YOU! YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Moony screamed and pointed at me, coming in my direction.

Ok, I'm a dead man.

James and Peter held him to come any more closer to me, while I got out of the bed I was sat.

"Woah, I know that my mom is a bitch but, what did I did?" I asked confused.

"YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID?" He asked/screamed and I was still confused about the situation. "SHE WAS CRYING BECAUSE OF YOU!"

*Back to common room - [y/n]'s POV*

I think that already passed 20 minutes, maybe?

That moment I thought that I wouldn't die if I just gave a little look at him, and before I could stop myself I was looking at Sirius.

But he was already looking at me, and I kinda got scared so I just looked away, my cheeks becoming the same color as my eyes were.

"Well, I don't know how to tell you that..." The boy beside me says and caught my attention. "But I think that you should know that, that the girl you saw with me, she was just a distraction. I was trying to forget you..." 

Wait... What is he talking about?

"Look, I know that it might sound kinda crazy, but I've been in love with you since last year." 

W H A T     T H E     F U C K ?????????????

"You should stop screaming, someone would think that I'm killing you!" 

Did I just said that out loud? 

"Yeah, you did." 

Sirius started laughing at my scared face but then stoped when he felt my breath hitting his face.

"When did we get so close?" I whispered, with our noses touching and my lips too closer to his.

"I don't know, but I'm liking it." He smirked at me and I just couldn't control myself anymore.

I pressed my lips against his and he took like 3 seconds to hold my waist and try to bring me the closest we could.

A few seconds after, he tried to deepen the kiss but I pulled away, still trying to process everything that happened on the last minutes.

"Just let me understand what happened." Sirius started and hugged my waist with both of his arms. "Does that kiss means that you fell the same about me or..." 

"Are you actually asking me this? Like, a few hours ago I was crying because I saw you kissing a girl that wasn't me. You know the answer." I said and he smiled, with his perfect teeth.

"Thank you." 

I can't believe I just did it again... 

"Don't worry, I wont tell anyone that you think about something but you accidentally say it out loud." I smiled as an answer to him. "Will be our little secret." 

The next day...

I was at the match, cheering for the team that made the points.

I wasn't really hopping that an exclusive team to won.

One of them is my own house and the other one is the house from my best friends.

I'm gonna win at both ways.

But I just stop caring about the team that would win when I saw, actually pretty close, one of the players from [y/h] pass next to Sirius, but I couldn't see what happened, all I saw was blood coming out of Black's body.

I ran down the stand to the pitch, founding Prongs helping Padfoot to get out of his broom. I went to where they were and helped Sirius too.

"Guys, chill." Black said to us, while me and James grabbed his arms around our shoulders and helped him to get out of the pitch. "It's nothing, I swear."

"Yeah, sure, you're just bleeding to death!" I answered him and he tried to laugh, but the pain stopped him.

I don't know if the game stoped or if they went on without Potter and Black, all I cared was about was Sirius.

We took him to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey took care of him.

James and Remus were talking - more arguing - about who would stay with him at night, while I looked at Sirius sleepy face.

He's so cute sleeping. 

"[y/n/n]." The boys called me together and I went to the bed they were talking, looking at them.

"You said you could stay with him, right ?" James asked and I nodded, remembering the moment they first started talking about it.

"So, the problem is that we all have the same classes as him tomorrow and we should note the stuff to him..." Moony started but before he could finish, I stoped him.

"Don't worry about it, I can sleep here with him." I said to them and the boys thanked me, already going to their dorms, but bringing a pillow and a blanked for me.

I adjusted myself at the armchair beside his bed and after a minute, I was already sleeping.

It was a long day.

At 3 AM...

"[y/n/n] ?" I woke up with Sirius voice.

"Yeah, Padfoot. Do you need something?" I asked getting up and going to his bed, looking at him.

"No, I just wanted to make sure you were here with me." Black said and I smiled at him.

"And now that you know that, I'll be back to my sleep." I got back at the uncomfortable armchair.

But that night was just so cold, just the blanket the boys gave me wasn't enough...

"It's cold here..." I whispered, thinking that he wouldn't listen to me, but he did.

"Come here, I'll keep you warm." Sirius suggested and I thanked god it was dark so he couldn't see my cheeks getting red as Lily's hair.

"No, your healing. I don't wanna hurt you." 

"But you will hurt me if you don't come here." He used that little voice of him, that I just couldn't say no.

And why am I trying to pretend that I don't want it?

So I just got out of the armchair and Sirius opened space for me at the bed.

As I lied at the bed, Sirius wrapped his arms at my waist and I, trying to not hurt him, putted my head at his chest.

And it actually worked, he's so warm.

"I know."

I can't believe I did it again.

[ms-demeanor]

I appreciate your positivity posts a lot, but there are a couple things that make me instinctively angry when i see them One, it really frustrates me that i cannot be good at everything. I know it may sound kinda stupid, but i feel jealous when i see people learning skills i know I'll never master cause they arent a priority over other skills im already working on Two, when im angry/frustrated and i see positivity, it only makes me angrier None of this is your fault, just needed to vent a little

(This post requires a table of contents)

Frustration that you can’t be good at everything - A

Frustration with positivity - B

Do I contradict myself? Kinda but not really - C

Ah-ha, but I have fooled us all - D

A

That doesn’t sound stupid at all, it actually sounds exactly like the insta-rage that I get from being bad at something or from hearing “anybody can do X.”

I know that sounds contradictory, considering that I’ve been saying “anybody can learn artistic skills with practice,” but I’ll explain in a sec.

Okay so I’m learning guitar right? Like, with all the hand-pain and dyspraxia and all I’m still giving it a go and it’s taking forever and it’s really frustrating.

It’s more frustrating because I realized I had to do it alone - if I’m practicing around people or a person is sitting next to me while I’m trying to learn a skill or get the fretting of a particular chord down or (especially this one) trying to memorize a sequence of notes and movements it’s. It’s extremely not pretty. It’s apparently very upsetting for the people who are around me when that happens.

I get furious with myself and I get frustrated because goddamnit fucking children can do this thing and I’m an adult and it’s a simple fucking sequence of five movements and I’m just getting it wrong because I’m a useless idiot.

It takes about four minutes with a guitar teacher or jamming with a friend for me to devolve into “attempt sequence > fuck sequence up > apologize > try again but now while more mad at myself > fuck it up worse > apologize > forget beginning of sequence > try really hard not to start calling myself a fucking idiot in front of a friend who really shouldn’t have to handle this.”

And when I do that it feels terrible. It feels bad, feels like my skills have regressed, makes me want to put the instrument down and not pick it up again.

The thing is, I do this with every skill that I’m learning. You should see me when I’m trying to learn a new version of some kind of software. It’s terrible. I’m at my absolute worst and lowest when I’m trying to find the new place Adobe has hidden a menu or what the new command is to format something in Word.

But here’s the deal: I know what this is when I’m doing it. This is emotional dysregulation.

Basically finding out that I have ADHD changed my life and got me to really start examining a lot of my reactions to things and the behavior patterns I’ve lived with for most of my life.

I experience an impulse to be furious when people are more skilled than I am, I AM furious when I feel like my skills aren’t where I think they should be. But neither of those things are actually good for helping me learn to do the thing and I’d much rather learn to do the thing than be angry about not being good enough at it.

I spend a fair amount of time in therapy. I have worked on recognizing when I have the impulse to do something that is going to be unhelpful or reactive and attempting to approach that impulse with other options.

That’s not easy! And it doesn’t come naturally! My first response to a lot of things is still anger or frustration or despair.

But since I *know* that’s my first impulse and I’ve learned enough about my own behavior to understand that my first impulse is frequently the wrong course of action (grounded in panic or whatever) I’ve been working on accepting that my first reaction is typically negative and moving on more quickly to other, more helpful reactions.

(this has been really fantastic for increasing my feelings of agency and control over my own life; acting on your panic response all the time isn’t good for your long term stability)

You know you can’t be good at everything, you know that it takes a long time to acquire skills. That doesn’t make it any less frustrating that you don’t have the skills that you want to have. So it’s understandable that your first reaction to the skills positivity posts would be negative, and it’s understandable if you want to sit in that negativity for a little bit.

It’s also understandable to mourn the skills that you could have had. “If I hadn’t stopped practicing guitar in my teens I could be so much better now.” “If I hadn’t had to get a job with such a long commute I could be drawing daily and I’d be so much farther along.” “If I hadn’t been discouraged by my parents I’d have had so much more practice with music.” “If I hadn’t gotten injured I’d be such a good dancer right now.”

There’s a perfect you that lives in your head and they’ve had all the opportunities you missed and got to keep practicing when you couldn’t and have all the money you don’t and sleep you keep missing. I get wanting to be that person. I get wanting what they want.

But the you in your head isn’t real and it’s sad if you’re ignoring how wonderful the real you is because you’re not perfect in the same ways.

So if you can, I’d recommend trying to see if there’s a positive response you can practice remembering when you get frustrated about your skills.

(for me it’s honestly just saying “the next best time to plant a tree is today” and remembering that I’ve got a long time to learn to do all the things I want to do. It’s not a race, and if I can’t get to something now I can try later.)

You’re great. You’re great and you’re trying hard and if you wouldn’t yell at your friend for not learning a skill or being good at something you shouldn’t yell at yourself either.

B

So when I was like, 17, I wrote a bit of poetry that went like this:

I’m a casual cynicwho prays for optimistsbut it’s hard for me to be onewhen I’m talking with my fists.

I am a very, very negative, pessimistic person. Optimism and positivity irritate the hell out of me.

The frustrating thing about positivity is that it largely feels like criticism. It feels like “if you can’t do X, Y, or Z it’s because you choose not to.”

And I sure as fuck can’t blame people for being negative. I’m negative and the world is shitty and everything is difficult and expensive. I really, really don’t think that people are choosing not to do what they want to do.

So when you hear “you can do it!” it’s a very natural response to go “yeah, easy for you to say, you don’t have a million things preventing you from doing it.”

Part of this is that your brain is a filthy liar and it thinks that skills are easy to acquire. Your brain is going “if anyone can do it and I haven’t it’s because I’m lazy and I suck.”

I would like you to remind your brain that it is a filthy liar.

(I would also like to remind people that negativity that exists to the point that generic positivity posts upset you or make you angry is a symptom of depression)

But the other thing is that you probably DO have a million legitimate things that are keeping you from Doing The Thing and when you’re seeing someone else say “Do the thing!” you’re just seeing the shiny thing, not their million things that were in the way too.

Doing shit is HARD. It’s exhausting. It involves opportunity cost. If I want to make fanart I have do dedicate time to that that gets taken away from somewhere else and you know what sometimes it’s just better for me and more in line with my desires to re-read a 100k slow-burn than it is to make a drawing of the characters.

But it’s also really important to recognize which kinds of positivity actually contain criticism.

My initial statement in the Gru comic was “Talent is bullshit, nurture your skills with practice & make the content you want to see in the world.” This was in reaction to a simply-drawn comic that expressed that you need talent to make fanart and not everybody has talent.

A lot of people have seen that as criticism.

I am. Really, really not attempting to criticize people with these posts.

But also, yeah, being told “woah, hey, just calm down” when you’re already pissed isn’t going to make anyone’s afternoon any better. And there’s not much I can do about that (and I know you don’t want me to, you said you were just venting).

C

“You hate positivity and yet you make positivity posts, interesting.”

So the brand of positivity posts I hate are the “If I can do it anyone can!” posts and here’s why:

Not everyone can be on a Roller Derby team.

Breaking my back and having to quit roller derby made me reassess a lot of my attitudes about the world.

If you point to a specific activity and say “if I can do this anyone can do this” you are wrong. There are a lot of people who aren’t going to be able to do a thing. If you say “If I can lose the babyweight within three weeks of giving birth anyone can” there are a lot of people who can’t do that thing and there is a kind of implicit criticism there. “If I can get over my scoliosis and lift weights anyone can,” is kind of saying that the people with scoliosis who can’t lift weights just aren’t making an effort.

“If I can do this anyone can” is wrong. It ignores the fact that people are all in unique circumstances and have different limitations. No, not anyone can. Not everyone can be on a Roller Derby team.

But what I’m saying in my posts isn’t “anyone can draw” it is “if you practice a skill you will improve at it, so if you want to improve at drawing you need to practice.”

And I’ve been very clear in admitting that not everyone can do this, due to time constraints and low energy and physical limitations.

The one deviation I’ve made from that is to come pretty close to saying “anyone can do art” and again, I consider that a bit different because “art” is a very broad category and I do believe that pretty much anyone can create things that I would consider art, even if that art isn’t traditional visual media. And again, any of those kinds of art would also improve with practice.

D

The joke was on all of us all along, by the way. While I’m being pretty positive about the idea of practice and the fact that it will improve people’s performance at all skill levels there’s a secret:

That Gru post isn’t so much positive about practice as it is *incredibly* negative about the concept of talent.

Talent IS bullshit. There is a variable range of innate abilities that people can have that may jump-start a particular skill but proficiency in that skill is always going to be down to practice, not talent.

Talent was made up as a cover to explain the “brilliance” of people who had armies of laborers supporting them. I bet I’d be able to invent a lot of shit if I didn’t have to do laundry or worry about whether I was going to be able to afford both food and rent next month. Talent is a myth that pairs nicely with great man theory in that it is crap and I want people to understand that sucking at things for a long time is a part of not sucking at things eventually and also that you’re going to get a lot more done working with a group of motivated people than you are if you wait for one “talented genius” to change the world.