#i started crying ten seconds in fr

[peetassandwich]

Hi, Barbie film was amazing. Its my new personality. Thank you Greta Gerwig.

[andysdrafts]

OK, so second try because Tumblr apparently hates me (get in line fr)

imma rant about characters, yes in plural because you asked and I don't know when to stop yapping

BTW, this is an answer to @queenpiranhadon because Tumblr erased the ask when I tried to post the first attempt 😒

(Also, I'm sorry if there's any grammar mistakes in here, English isn't my first language)

First and foremost, Portgas D. Ace, my boy, there will never be a day when I don't think about him and cry my soul out. Ace is a character that was doomed from the start, he never had a chance to a normal life, never. He was doomed and tied by the actions of other people and forced to live with them as if they were his own. He was persecuted before he was even born. He was a victim of the circumstances he was brought in. Garp took him in only to leave him with a group of bandits who later on threw him to the forest to learn to fend for himself. Ace only knew how to fight, kick and scowl until the age of ten, completely isolated with only the figure of an absent grandpa and a group of bandits that, while not exactly violent, were still bandits.

Now, I'm not saying Garp or Dadan and the bandits didn't love Ace, because they did, but not in the way Ace needed to be loved. Ace was a troubled boy, it ran in his veins and the hatred and anger came to him as natural as breathing. He hated himself for being born, hated his existence and it rot away his soul, even as a child. He met Luffy and Sabo, and while the other two didn't make all of his problems go away, they did help Ace soften up and understand that not everything shall be felt through violence and bloody hands. He still hated himself, but he learned how to socialise to some extent and felt care for others, even if he didn't feel himself cared for or worthy of said affection.

Then Sabo died, and Ace HAD to understand that he couldn't exactly be rude, not to the people he cared about, so he softened a bit more as he officially took on the role of big brother to Luffy, no longer seeing him as a complete nuisance but as someone he wanted to protect and care for, hence why he went down to town when Luffy got injured to look (steal) medicine. Both of them grew up and Ace set sail to the Ocean searching for his own adventure, something that he could call HIS rather than something that would keep him tied to his father and the damned blood he hated. He wanted to be himself, desperate to be out of the shadow of Roger, something that would make him forget, even for a moment, that he was such a hated person across the world. He met Whitebeard and the Whitebeard pirates, and he found himself a home, a home where he was loved, cared for and appreciated no matter what he did or who he was. He found a real father in Whitebeard, someone who did not care how many times Ace retaliated and fought, someone who loved Ace the way Ace needed to be loved. And that same love sent Ace back to the dark place he came from.

He loved Whitebeard as his own father, and he couldn't tolerate the disrespect or disloyalty towards him because he felt like he owned something in exchange for being loved. He was always self sabotaging himself, with his hatred for himself and the situation he was in, the people who hated him, the whole world. He was never taught how to keep something good of his, and it's no surprise to me he relapsed into his own, personal pit of misery. He lived his life thinking he wasn't worth more than dirt due to who he came from, that he wasn't loved and even if he was, he still owed something in return for his cursed existence. I don't think he regrets dying in favour of saving Luffy, because he loved Luffy with his whole existence, what he did regret was never noticing how much he was loved and cared for until he died. That he had to die for him to see that he was appreciated and that he would be missed if he suddenly disappeared, that someone cared enough for him to go and declare war just to have him back, to have him safe.

Ace never stood a chance at having something good of his own, a normal life, because all he ever knew until his death was violence and his own self hatred that was engraved in his brain and clung to him like a second skin. Because he wasn't just made to show Luffy he wasn't ready for the hardships of the New World, but also to show dehumanising we can be with ourselves, and how more often than not we sabotage ourselves until we can't anymore, until we reach our ends and until no one can actually save us. No matter how much one person is loved, it won't matter in the end if said person can't see the love for them.

Second: Sanemi Shinazugawa. I've had the biggest obsession with this man and the longer I think of him the more I pick up on how traumatised he is. Again, another child victim of the circumstances he was raised and brought in. His father an abuser and his mother a lovely woman who loved her children over everything. Both of them left something to Sanemi before they passed, Shizu the love for his family, the immense heart the boy has even if he keeps it under wraps and Kyogo the rage, anger and hatred. Both of them coexist within Sanemi, clashing with the other and yet, complementing the other like a puzzle.

I always found it interesting because Sanemi has equal parts of both love and hatred to give, the same amount, like he's fifty-fifty. Growing up in an abusive home, whether it's emotional, physical or mental, destroys in hundreds of ways. Not only did Sanemi have to see his younger siblings and mother getting punched, kicked, or pushed around in ways that most definitely left bruises, but also, he most likely endured it as well. I have absolutely no doubt that he, in countless times just like his mom, put himself in the way of his father. I know my boy would've rather a zillion times be in the end of his father's anger than have any of his younger siblings or mother to get the harsh treatment.

He grew up with anger, and desperation later on when Kyogo died and Shizu had to work day and night without sleep, hence why he self imposed the role of the sole provider for the family and TRIED. He was the oldest son, and there's no way you can't tell me he didn't feel responsible for both his mom and younger siblings, because in reality, being in situations like that make you worried sick. The money sometimes isn't enough and Sanemi was painfully aware of that. So he took it upon himself to be the best caretaker and protector his family could have.

But then Shizu was turned against her will and killed her children, permanently scarring both Genya and Sanemi physically, mentally and emotionally. And none of them understood what actually happened until later on, which makes the guilt even worse for both of them. Genya called him a murderer without knowing Sanemi was trying to protect him and Sanemi killed his own mother because he couldn't protect her, and by defect, he couldn't protect his younger siblings either. It was so traumatising he lost the ability to see colours. So he pushed away Genya, now filled with anger, regret and guilt, over not being able to protect and care for his family like he said he would. I personally think that, before he joined the Corps, when he started killing demons on his own, it was a projection of his guilt, trying to make up for what he couldn't do for his family, which in the end may have hurt him more because he saved countless of people, but the nagging thought at the back of his head was still there, he didn't saved his family, he could do it for others but not for those he cared for.

Then he joined the Corps, met Masachika and lost him too. And it hurt, because the guilt and the anger just kept growing inside him, why couldn't he save the people he cared for? The feeling of inadequacy must've made him company for a while, at least for some time, but that only served as fuel for his rage, like a flame thrown into a puddle of gasoline.

And he tried so hard and desperately to keep Genya away, keep him safe because he didn't want his younger brother, his only family, to dig an early grave and die, in what could be a painful and gorey death.

Did he do it in the worst way he could've possibly done? Yes. Sanemi had the purest intentions towards Genya, but he didn't know how to properly put them in action. So he pushed and pushed and pushed, but a cord that is tensed too much always ends up breaking, and so, when Genya died, all of Sanemi's efforts seemed futile. Plus, the realisation that he had messed up, that he could've gone and treated the situation with more delicacy, without violence and maybe, just maybe, Genya would be alive, thriving and he would've kept a good relationship with his younger brother.

The realisation of what he had done hit him like a thousand bricks and after the damage was done, only adding to the burden in his heart. He didn't have a body to bury, only Genya's belongings, but it still was an empty grave. And it hurt, knowing things could've been different if only he had taken a different route.

Third: Nico Robin. Now, my beautiful queen also broke my soul until I cried and begged for a stop. Robin is also a child born and moulded by yet again, the decision of third parties that ended up affecting the environment where she grew up.

Her mother, an archeologist with big dreams that left her in the care of close relatives, but it ended up backfiring because even if Robin's aunt wasn´t physically abusive, she was still neglectful with Robin's emotional needs and proper love and care.

However, Robin did had a glimpse of what actual happiness and acceptance was with the other archaeologists in Ohara, which is why her story is even more heartbreaking to me, because even if Robin faced hardships like the lack of a proper mother figure and proper care from the people that were supposed to lover, she found a home in the other archeologists in the island, she was happy in her own little way even with the other cons in her situation. And meeting Jaguar D. Saul only heightened her happiness, like when he taught her how to laugh despite the harshness of the situation.

But every good thing Robin had was snatched away from her in the blink of an eye.

She had to witness a genocide, deal with the guilt of being the only one alive, fight for her life and get used to the violent environment she had been thrown into, while being alone, knowing everyone was against her. She had to learn how to defend herself, learn how to be selfish and understand that, one wrong move and she'll have a blade against her neck. She understood it very quickly, it was either she was killed or she killed. She was constantly walking on eggshells, covering her back and faking personalities one after another to survive, barely doing so while she tried to reach her dream, desperately so.

Eventually, she gave up on her own life, almost throwing away her dream before she was saved. The Strawhats for Robin were salvation, like a warm blanket in the freezing winter, but she didn't feel worthy of it and tried to distance herself from them to protect them.

Robin is very similar to Ace, both are prone to self sabotaging tendencies and full of hatred or despair in their souls, both of them understanding that they were loved until the very end. The difference is, Robin got the chance to cling to it, Ace didn't. They're parallels, only differentiating from the other because one DID got the message in time. It's the line between who gets saved from the dark hole you were found in in time.

Robin understood the value of her life in time, just enough for her to be able to turn back and decide that she wanted to live, that living was something worthy.

Fourth: Bakugou Katsuki. Now, Katsuki is my biggest hear me out ever. The first time I watched MHA, I couldn't stand him at all. He was the reason I stopped reading the Manga and why I stopped watching the anime. I couldn't even fathom the idea of having to see him even for a second.

But he fooled me, like he fooled everyone else around him and some other readers. The second time I watched MHA because it bugged me leaving it midway, I noticed he's a complex character in reality.

His reasonings weren't petty anymore and suddenly, he gained that something that just caught my eye, and I just found myself analysing every single little thing he did or said. To the first interactions he had with Izuku when they were children, his start at U.A, his reactions, everything. And I noticed it, he's the most fucking complex character I've ever seen or read of.

The more I knew, the more I liked him, because he was incredibly real and relatable. Katsuki is a character you either hate it or love it, it's everything or nothing, and to understand him, you HAVE to pay attention to even the minor detail because you blink and you miss what he actually meant or wanted.

I was having a field day the more I watched him, truly. Katsuki is intense, in every sense of the word, he goes all out or he doesn't do it, because he doesn't conform to the rules of society or what is expected of him. He follows his own rules and his own expectations.

Step by step he built himself into what he wanted to be, with a certain image of himself that he had according to the people he had grown up with and how they treated him.

But all that image was thrown down the drain the moment he steps into U.A, because not only is Izuku there, who he thought was less, but also, he realises, he might not be the best of the best as he had believed all his life to that point. It hit him like a truck, like cold water falling on you out of nowhere.

And it hurt him, it was gut wrenching to him, it destroyed him from the very inside of his soul and left a bitter taste in his tongue, to the point he was having an anxiety attack during class after Momo pointed out what he did wrong during the bomb exercise.

He acts like he is the best, and believes it to some point, and yet, at the same time, he doesn't feel worthy and enough.

It's complex and raw because it's relatable. It's real because he makes mistake after mistake, he's crude and brash and his personality sucks to some extent the longer he interacts with classmates, teachers and people.

Everything in his screams intensity, to his thoughts, to his words and even the way he stands. And his character development is MASSIVE.

It may not look like it, but, for people who are like him, baby steps feel like a cool breeze after being in a sauna. He didn't show it, but he was drowning in his own mind and feelings after All Might's retirement.

It surprised me, took me by surprise the way he was crying in the episode where he fights Izuku. It was overwhelming to me, he was overwhelmed himself, and the way he portrays his emotions in that moment, how he lets them out and shows a part of himself that he doesn't show, his vulnerable side, the real thoughts and emotions he had inside of him, it was beautiful.

Beautiful because you know he was actually human, that he actually understood that he was wrong, that he had been making mistakes by pushing everyone around and how, just like everyone else, he tended to overthink.

And while acknowledgment seems stupid and shallow to some, acknowledgment is the biggest step a person can make to be better, to admit you're or have been an awful person, but you acknowledge it to move forward and make a change.

And he changed! Little by little, you can see and notice how he starts becoming a better version of himself. And while he keeps that part of himself that makes him him, he also starts to show a part of that raw, soft personality he had inside him, hidden deep in his soul under wraps.

It's amazing watching him change and grow, to the point his looks even turn softer, more smother, less harsh and more accessible.

Katsuki is real because we all make mistakes, and he shows that we can always start over, apologise and change. Because even if he couldn't change the past, as much as he wanted to, he wants to make the future better, he wants to be better. He puts in the effort, it's constant and he tries hard.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, I'll proceed to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the month 😩

[godsiero]

hello. i have just finished all of nightmare time. buckle up, i have thoughts and spoilers ahead.

just a general statement before opinions are shared: obviously some situations take place in different timelines (like the ape-man vs time bastard), but what do you think happens in the *same* timelines? obviously forever and always and time bastard are the same timeline, but do you think each episode is a different time line? do you think it depends? as i’m typing this, i think each episode of nightmare time is a different reality, let me know your thoughts!

okay, starting from the very beginning with ape-man:

i thought ape-man was a good intro to what should be expected of nightmare time. i thought the “ape-man” being a set-up between ted and hidges was funny. i loved that lucy ended up actually meeting the real ape-man in the end. i didn’t really care for the ape-man *song*, and after finishing the rest of the episodes, it was a forgettable episode as a whole, but again, great intro to the idea of what nightmare time is.

watcherworld:

i love alice and bill, so i enjoyed this. watching nightmare time *after* nerdy prudes must die helped me be more excited about the introduction of the rest of the lords in black (because i somehow avoided spoilers for THAT long). that father-daughter relationship was so well put together. i love the blinky song, didn’t care for snoozle town (however, it did sound like black friday, the song, which might not have been intentional, but i’m gonna pretend it was to appreciate jeff blim lmao), as i’m typing this i don’t really remember one thousand eyes, so…i guess it wasn’t memorable? overall, i liked the generally positive ending and bill and alice establishing they will change their ways to help their relationship. love love love.

forever & always:

loved this episode. paulkins till i die fr. i was damn near fucking crying during the opening scene, i shit you not. (side note: i have recently developed the biggest soft spot for paulkins after reading the most incredible fan fiction, probably ever, forelsket by gooddaysunshine on ao3, which i qualify as canon now.) the song forever & always is definitely in my top five nightmare time songs, i just love it. i was totally shocked when paul killed the real emma, up until he revealed he was also a clone/not the real paul, so respect ig. top tier nightmare time episode.

time bastard:

the song time bastard is also in my top five nightmare time songs. kim whalen plz sing me to sleep. the song really set my expectations high because of how good forever & always was, but i was really let down. the revelation of tinky wasn’t as direct or nuanced as blinky and i thought the plot was really slow UNTIL the last ten minutes when everything looped (i love a fuckin loop). making ted the homeless man was truly an incredible plot twist, which makes me sad that wasn’t reflected during the rest of the episode. also peanuts is hilarious.

jane’s a car:

i love tim and sue me for being a barneston shipper. did NOT like jane, did NOT like the plot of tom fucking a car, that got a little too unhinged for even me. the song jane’s a car has been stuck in my head since before i even saw the fucking episode, i could not tell you how many times i have just yelled “GOT MY FOOT ON THE GAS” in the middle of conversations. that being said, the rest of the song was forgettable which upset me! i didn’t enjoy this episode, aside from the mention of the black book on the radio and the twist at the end where it’s revealed jane did take over becky.

the witch in the web:

first of fucking all, kendall nicole is a gift to this earth. that child is incredible beyond compare. protect her forever. second of all, i can’t really remember the plot of this episode, but i do know that i liked the story? not enough to remember it though? this is definitely a middle ground episode for me. i didn’t particularly enjoy either song, but i didn’t hate them. i liked the plot of miss holloway taking hannah into the black and white and travelling through time (kinda), and i liked the overall theme of webs to introduce webby.

honey queen:

the song honey queen didn’t do much for me, neither did latte hatte, or nibbly ditty. if this was any other circumstance i would’ve also added queen b to the list, but i saw it in the jangle ball before this and that made me enjoy it, but if i hadn’t seen jangle ball, just know, i would not have liked queen b. that being said, i did like this episode. i am not a linda monroe stan (sorry), but i do think she’s funny. i thought the kids were funny, i wanted to punch zoey in the face, sam gave me the ick, gerald is a fucking freak, i have never wanted to throttle jon matteson until i watched this (i forgot his character’s name), so all in all, none of these characters are likable at all except for river, but that’s the monroe’s for you. the episode was slow, but in the way a slow burn in slow. once again, liked the introduction of nibbly, and i think having the first episode *be* the honey queen festival was super important to the rest of the season because they never shut the fuck up about it after this (this is another reason why i think each episode is it’s own universe but i disgress). if that confused you, i *did* enjoy the episode, but it was another middle-grounder for me.

perky’s buds:

liked that emma got to start her pot farm. overall have nothing of value to say about this one. joey as the bird was really fucking funny. i like jae. love emma forever, that freak. this episode was really slow and not at all in a good way. i did not like the song perky’s buds. just wanted the episode to end. sad face.

abstinence camp:

this is probably my favorite nightmare time story. the song axe-man is definitely number one on my list (we’ll talk more later). the plot of this one was SO good and funny and creepy and everything hatchetfield is about. my main love for this episode stems from the introduction of our three lead nerdy prudes must die characters. i love those three freaks. steph and peter almost getting in the same shower went fuckin crazy and i was kinda glad they got caught lmao. the plot of girl jeri and boy jerry was too fuckin good, and i will say, i was a little confused why the axe-man never showed up to kill them when they were very obviously horny, BUT IT’S ALMOST LIKE THAT WAS THE PLOT HAHAHAHAH. also, love the return of plot and lore about the woods, seriously, needed that. also also, jon matteson and kim whalen should be paired up more because they’re both so fucking funny and have the capability of being charming yet ever so slightly off-putting and i fucking love it. virginity rocks is a fuckin banger (heh), but the real star of the show is axe-man. let me tell you why axe-man is the best nightmare time song: not only does it introduce the axe-man (who we have been seeing and hearing THE ENTIRE SEASON, mind you), but bryce charles is singing?? i literally don’t know what else you need to hear from me?? corey dorris in a flannel will forever change my brain chemistry and they both sound so good together, truly, and corey dorris is a baritone legend (i’m looking at *you*, corey singing the hidden baseline in high school is killing me). “his blade is made of hate” sounds damn near EXACT to “you better hope you’re outta sight” (literal monster). “oh the pain” sounds damn near EXACT to “it ain’t great” (hatchet town). MOTHERFUCKERS. WHEN THE BRIDGE STARTS “these woods belong to him…” THE FUCKING HATCHET TOWN MOTIF IS LITERALLY FUCKING PLAYING LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? also, just the fucking end that proves ur dead?? please. jeff blim. here, have some flowers. i will do anything for you. anyway. great episode. love it. 10/10.

daddy:

i liked that we gave frank some backstory and gave him a little more humanity because i really did not like that motherfucker (heh) in black friday. the plot with sherman was VERY funny and him turning into a child is kinda cute tbh. sheila u bitch, u let barry swift out of there!! i will forever be a man in a hurry fan, even after death 😭. yes take this psycho’s money and make your family’s toy store better and pay your one employee a living wage!! we love to see it. i don’t even remember the song young at heart, so that should tell you enough about how much i didn’t like it lmao. i had been waiting to see those care bears because i fucking knew they were going to be the lords in black plushies after i saw what colors they were. nick lang, you sneaky bastard.

killer track:

finally learned the tea about miss holloway and yes it was worth it. yes, i do realize why everybody loves duke and miss holloway now, hell, i love em now. miss holloway’s plot is crazy and if there’s another nightmare time season i hope she gets another episode, honestly. i like run away with me as a song in general, but for the genre of artist miss holloway is painted to be, the song is lackluster. I DO LIKE IT THOUGH BUT I WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE MORE ROCK AND ROLL. i do realize it is a ballad, but even rock and roll ballads go harder than that did. killer track is a fucking rager???? jeff blim what are you doing writing musical theatre songs???? go write some fucking grunge shit???? killer track goes so fucking hard i really can’t explain it, jesus christ, also the video was sick as shit, do more!! (this really just proves jeff can write anything lmao) i thought the nightmare time remix was really funny and fun and just a good time, no notes, joey slayed the house down boots honey mama.

yellow jacket:

i liked the vibe of the song yellow jacket, very avril lavigne. loved the plot. loved the reprise of lex opening the wiggly box x opening the pokey box. i love the idea that there are multiple kids like hannah in hatchetfield and that would be a GREAT plot to expand upon more, however, i like that hannah and lex got out of there, but i felt so bad for ethan :( i wonder if he had proposed to lex that morning if she had said yes and not left or if she had taken them with him ugh i hate not knowing. my favorite thing about the hatchetfield universe is that they just keep pumping out these stories and plot lines that confirm these things are canon in at least one universe. i love knowing as much as possible and that’s what nightmare time has given me, ily girl. sorry went on a tagent and didn’t finish: didn’t like use it or lose it, i didn’t like next time, but i thought it was sweet 🥺 they’re all such cuties. ALSO!! the general john mcnamara cameo in this episodes them song KILLED ME i SCREAMED!! he’s literally my favorite. if they continue with a season 3 i hope to fucking god they give my man his episode god dammit. bonus, hey melissa: that shit was fucking weird and i hated that paul sided with her in the end that creep. anyway, thank you for coming on this journey with me, i hope you liked my notes, i love a discussion if you would like to comment. <3

[memberment]

Good evening

Guys I just got home from work and proofread everything I needed to including this next Dandelion chapter and I'm trying so hard not to just fucking SOB over it.

I hate it here I want out LMFAOOOOOOO THIS IS SO SAD WHY DID I WRITE THIS FR

10:59 update......

I'm thinking about an absolutely diabolical twist for the Trin series(it doesn't actually change the story in any way, if anything it actually makes it make so much more sense). Like, I've been ruminating on it since last night but idk if it's gonna throw people off. But at the same time like part twos and threes never do as good anyways so do I really even care?? Like, I'm just out here telling stories in fanfic font bc I would rather throw myself in the street than make OCs and not share my fun little stories.

I think I may commit to it.

I don't wanna say it on here though bc it's one of those plot twists you get will not forget even though part three is like FOREVER out.

The more I think about it the more I wanna do it. Someone tell me I should do it.

Oh my god I am shutting up and finishing reading Dandelion, y'all will hear my virtual screams in approximately one and a half business hours.

(11:43) I'm actually fucking sobbing and I didn't even start the last few chapters. Like, I'm actually crying over this. It's not funny.

(12:00) Never by mag lo coming on while I'm finishing up reading this is not funny. I'm devastated. I hope you all hate me after this oh my god I feel like I just ruined my own life. WHY IS IT SO MUCH WORSE AFTER BEING DONE WITH THIS FIC FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No more angst from me for a long while. I'm banned.

(12:20) Me skimming through tags on fics debating if I want to pick up something new. Everything being totally normal. Suh happy. Trying not to stew in my own misery. And then I see such a vile tag my stomach twists and now I'm just like okay I'll go fuck myself I guess I'll go write or do my homework. I'm sorry, I adore ao3 and I'm never gonna be a hater, BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE WILD. LIKE I AM TALKING SO BAD I'M ACTUALLY CONSIDERING DOING MY HOMEWORK OVER THAT. LIKE I ACTUALLY JUST WIPED THE TEARS OFF MY FACE AND GOT OVER HOW SAD I WAS BECAUSE OF HOW GENUINELY SHOCKED I WAS. Like wow oh wow.

Anyways. Updates here if there's gonna be any. Also Dandelions up if anyones reading this LMAO

It's 1:40 in the morning and the beginning of Morning Glory is making me fucking unwell. I was not joking when I made that joke about like ten dreaded weeks of angst, Jesus Christ.

(2:12) This is my second time posting this exact part. Like I know I've posted this exact part. But I seriously love Christophe and all of his dialogue with my whole heart.

(4:31) I do not recall making Dova this tragic and I'm literally about to sob over him. LIKE WHY???? WHY DID I DO THAT??? WHY ARE HIS LITTLE SUBTLE BITS OF STORYLINE SO ACTUALLY PAINFUL AS THE STORY GOES ON????? (I am allergic to happiness I am my own canon event at this point)

(4:48) THE ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION THAT COMES WITH WANTING MORE STORY BUT IT SIMPLY NOT EXISTING BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT IS DEVASTATING.

(5:02) Welp. I'm ruined and am now compelled by god to start working on Morning Glory again. We're at 73k rn. And only two chapters that aren't the prologue are under 4k. That's fucking terrifying. Like I have 17 minus the prologue rn. WE ARE LITERALLY THREE CHAPTERS AWAY FROM THE FOURTH OF JULY. THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ANOTHER 16/17 OF SUMMER ALONE. AND THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AT LEAST ANOTHER 14 AFTER THAT. LIKE THE 14 ARE THE PLANNED SPECIFIC EVENT CHAPTERS. BRUH. WHY DID I DO THIS????

regret.

regret is all I feel.

but I will push through.

(7:38) before I go to bed I will just say I am at 75.3k. I had no idea how I would even get close to 4k on a birthday chapter where the group effectively decided to just stay home and hang out. But now there is like 1.5k of them playing muffin time. It's wild. I love it. GOOD NIGHT.

[moonjxsung]

ALSKDKDJF OKAYYY !!! I’m glad it’s not a bother !!! I overthink sometimes alskdkjf

urgh so I am having A WEEK :( I hope it’s okay I rant a bit … alslkskdj

helurf okay so after midterms last week, I’ve been trying to like relax and give myself time to rest but IVE HAD SO MANY ASSIGNMENTS :((( and I’m so tired and burnt out and stressed cause I need to start studying for finals and ahhhhhh alsksjjdjf :(

okay now for some more fun updates!! i had fun at uni yesterday!! we had a super fun soil science lab we got to go into soil pits on the farm our campus has and analyze soil (ph, diagnostic horizons, colour, structure, texture etc) !! It was a lot of fun I’m gonna miss the class and my prof :( (it was my last lab)

another fun thing is its art market week at my uni so time to drop a ton of money on prints, stickers and crocheted animals !!! :D

AND okay so I made it into a special like abroad research kinda program/course in like that’s usually only available to upper years students but somehow I made it in alskkskdjdj . Anyways, we get to go to South Africa from like May 14-June 9 to do research and stuff in the field!!! and like IM SO EXCITED??? So anyways, the 19 students that also made it in (it’s a highly competitive program to get into) we had our second group meet up plus our prof (who taught my favourite class by far last term) yesterday and it was a lot of fun and we got free dinner which was super super yum and I can’t believe I’m actually going ahhhhh

and then I went to a friends house for dinner (yes, dinner again) which was fun we like catch up at least once a month and yeah

Anyways sorry for the truck load of information about my life weh

HOW IS YOUR LIFE STAR!!! I WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOU!! (With whatever ur feeling comfy sharing 💗)

🌱

UGH I always forget how close together exam season is WHYYYY ARE UR FINALS ALREADY RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER….. 💔💔 I believe in you angel manifesting all the best for you frfr you’re smart I know you got this 🫶🫶🫶🫶

AHHHH UR UNI LAB SOUNDED SO FUN I love labs where you just get to go outside and do stuff in nature it’s fr so healing 👼 I took a geology course in college where we got to go to this creek near my school and like test the ph balance of the water and it was so much fun being outside instead of cooped up in the lecture hall fr one of the best labs we ever did. AND the art market this week???? RAHHH HAVE SO MUCH FUN we used to have something similar at my uni and I would drop SO much on stickers not even joking my laptop is covered in them still :’)

ALSO OH MY GOD??? TO THE STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM?????? STOP THAT SOUNDS SO FIXKIFNT FUNNNNN IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU WYAHWJDNRJ CONGRATS ON GETTING IN BB ‼️‼️ I didn’t have to do study abroad when I was in college bc covid hit but I can’t wait to hear all about yours and live vicariously thru ur updates AHHHH and it’s coming up so soon !! WOWOWOWOW HAVE THE BEST TIME ILY ILY THATS SO FUN

My day was honestly vvvvv boring but it was productive! I had work and then I had a shit ton of laundry to do but I was tired as fuck and I have cramps bc my period started today so I got coffee first to wake me up and then after cleaning the apartment I caught up on Ateez vlogs and now I’m simultaneously writing and watching Zelda gameplay 👼 I think my emotions are like ten times worse rn because of my period so I’m just taking it easy but I have a huge party to go to this weekend and a lot of my friends are gonna be there so I need to get my shit together and stop being sad bc I don’t want to bring the mood down ☹️ why do I always have a party in the same week I feel like shit LOL the last time I had one my situationship and I got into a huge fight and my sister had to be checking on me like every 5 minutes bc I was borderline crying the whole night it was so embarrassing 😭 (I am so tired of crying over this same girl oh my god)

ANYWAYS I LOVE U ANGEL IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND I CANT WAIT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT UR STUDY ABROAD TRIP RAHHH THATS SO EXCITING CONGRATS AGAIN ILY ILY 🩷💖💞💘💕💓👼

[quensty]

tagged by @moondal514 (thanks babe!) to put my spotify on repeat playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs. or at least that’s the way i’m doing this 🤷

if u’re wondering why i’m using the rooster emoji that is strictly mexican business go back to ur drinks

🐓 it will come back by hozier: i think abt the lines “don’t let it in with no intention to keep it / jesus christ don’t be kind to it” every single day

🐓 lafayette by orville peck: the first time i listened to this song i was at school and i’d accidentally fallen asleep with my headphones on. i woke up solely to make sure i favorited this song. i think that tells u how severely this song slaps.

🐓 25 minutes to go by johnny cash: every time i listen to this song i start off super pumped and get increasingly sadder as it continues. it’s two minutes and 56 seconds of pure genius. to tell the story of a man on death row as he counts down the time to his execution. it’s funny and sharp and brutal, but i do think regularly abt these lines cash omitted: “well, my lawyer says he's sorry he missed my case / fifteen minutes to go / yeah, well if you're so sorry, come up and take my place / i got fourteen minutes to go”

🐓 wayfaring stranger by poor man’s poison: i’m abt to admit a ghastly sin but i prefer this version to johnny cash’s 😞 i think it’s the combination of guitar and whatever string instrument they use plus how it gradually crescendos that makes it life changing

🐓 no children by the mountain goats: when i first listened to this song at 13 i couldn’t have possibly known it would change me completely as a person the way it did. omg i just realized it’s been a consistent fave song of mine for nearly ten years … moving on

🐓 babooshka by kate bush: she NEVER misses. kate bush i would die for u

🐓 eat your young by hozier: my brother and i are going to his concert this year and i’m so fucking excited. i’ve missed his music so much. i’m ngl to ya’ll i might cry

🐓 mitchell: epic iii by the cast of hadestown: “and suddenly hades was only a man / with the taste of nectar upon his lips” how am i meant to be normal abt this song fr. hades king of the scythe and the sword who scrapes the sky and scars the earth in love. AND THEN: ”where is ur pleasure? / where is your youth? / where is the man with his head in his hands? / who stands in the garden nothing to lose” gagging

🐓 hasta que te conocí by juan gabriel: i listened to juan gabriel throughout my entire childhood and considered one of the best musicians to ever live. when i found out he was gay, i cried for like an hour out of sheer happiness and emotion. this song is just one of my dozens of favorites of his.

🐓 hungover in jonestown by amigo the devil: i seriously think amigo the devil as a band infiltrated my brain, took note of all the things that make me most ill, and then decided to write music specifically intended to make me foam at the mouth. “i tie the noose but you are the rope … if i am the drunk you are the wheel” JESUS CHRIST

i’m tagging: @cabeswater @youthbleeding @keepoffthetardis @minimyz and whoever else wants to do this! consider urself tagged :) <3

[yb-cringe]

oh I need to know who's the best men at roier and jaiden's wedding because I doubt they'd have only one. my money's on mariana and quackity and quackity would take that time to appreciate the bond of his close friends and community, how happy he is to have witnessed something so beautiful right in front of him :) mariana would get kicked off the podium before his speech even began because he couldn't stop crying

no fr mariana would try and talk and just start sobbing every ten seconds. he ends up saying something about a failing marriage and slime yells abt a bitch wife…

HANG ON best concept jaidens best man is charlie and roier’s is mariana and like half the wedding gets stalled bc of how much drama that brings lmao

missa is Also crying a lot. Forever leaps to catch the bouqet roier throws—

[averydavery]

The Good, The Bad, and Everything Inbetween of the Playstation 2

Intro

To me, the Playstation 2 is the best video game console ever. Period. Its catalogue is undeniably strong but I am definitely very biased as well, not to mention that the dualshock remote looks almost exactly the same from PS2 to PS4... But mainly, there is a reason many iconic titles from famous series are from this system and era of video game history. The PS2’s time in the spotlight (1999- 2011) was the real start of the hayday of video games.

So, in honor of my love for the system, here is my rankings for the games i’ve played so far and why!

***I will only be judging games that originally launched on the system, including bridge games, NOT PS1 games that are backwards compatible. So sorry MGS1 and FFVII

From Top to Bottom

1. Shadow of the Colossus

5/5 stars. One sentence review: I’m sobbing.

2. Metal Gear Solid 2

4.5/5 stars. One sentence review: “No, that is NOT the real Solid Snake!”

3. Resident Evil 4

4.5/5 stars. One sentence review: Fixed camera and gun controls making me want to get the Las Plagas fr.

4. God of War

4.5/5 stars. One sentence review: I don’t know what’s more unforgiving: the game itself or playing it on the PS2.

5. Bully

4.5/5 stars. One sentence review: I really wish people gave Bully more attention than GTA.

6. GTA Vice City

4/5 stars. One sentence review: For some reason my PS2 had a hard time running Vice City and this game is significantly smaller than others on this list.

7. Onimusha

4/5 stars. One sentence review: I really enjoyed this story and I would’ve loved it a lot more if the controls didn’t feel like I was committing a felony.

8. Devil May Cry

4/5 stars. One sentence review: “I should’ve filled yoUR DARK SOUL WITH LIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!”

9. GTA III

4/5 stars. One sentence review: Just didn’t do it for me story wise as much as the others, i dont know.

10. God of War II

3.5/5 stars. One sentence review: Least favorite God of War game besides Chains of Olympus, not that it’s bad it’s just okay.

11. Crazy Taxi

3.5/5 stars. One sentence review: Very fun but only for about ten minutes.

12. Yakuza 2

2/5 stars. One sentence review: I’m a diehard Yakuza/RGG/Like A Dragon fan but I stg this is the worst game in the series, I never even beat it.

13. Devil May Cry 2

2/5 stars. One sentence review: Bad mechanics and bored me.

The Superlatives

The Best Title in a Series

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

An easy pick for this category and a game that is second only to Shadow of the Colossus, is Metal Gear Solid 3. It is a fantastic game as much as it is a great entry in an amazing series. For those who don’t know, MGS3 is a prequel for the entire series and takes place even before the old 8-But Metal Gear games. MGS3 follows Naked Snake who becomes the infamous Big Boss, the notorious antagonist for the rest of the series, and is the first game in the series to really perfect the stealth combat with the addition of an over the shoulder camera and new camouflage mechanics. Other notable aspects of MGS3 are that graphics for the game still hold up today, the characters are some of the most memorable in the series (I LOVE YOU BOSS!!!!), and the boss fights are engaging. Not to mention that if I had to guess, you’re probably humming “Snake Eater” to yourself right now.

MGS3 is such a good MGS title that I believe it sort of set Kojima up for failure with every game that came after it.

The Best Game You’ve Never Played/My Personal Favorite PS2 Game

Blood Will Tell: Osamu Tezuka’s Dororo

The only reason Blood Will Tell isn’t number one is because I felt bad putting Shadow of the Colossus as number 2. I fucking love this game with my whole heart and soul, I really don’t know where to begin. The title of “the best game you’ll never play” isn’t one that I came up with myself, many people refer to Blood Will Tell by that superlative and you’re probably wondering why that is. Blood Will Tell was released by SEGA in 2004 and flopped in the Americas despite many looking back on the title fondly, as a result of its recent popularity (largely due to the 2019 Dororo anime and rise of the collector’s market) and little supply, it became an incredibly rare game with the highest selling price for a PS2 game I have ever seen. Blood Will Tell goes for anywhere between $400 to $700 USD, for reference: Silent Hill 2 goes for about $100. Which is why I don’t give this superlative away lightly, even the copy I own isn’t legitimate. There’s no way I’m spending that much money on a game without playing it myself.

So this brings to the second superlative I gave it: my personal favorite PS2 game. It’s the best game you’ll never play for a reason, there is a demand for it for a reason. While the dub is laughably bad, the game itself is incredibly rich. The goofy voice acting adds to the game’s charm and, in my opinion, makes a fantastic game more enjoyable. The gameplay is addictive and one of the most fluid for the 20 year old console, Blood Will Tell is a hack-n-slash that feels like a mix of Sekiro and Ghost of Tsushima to me —which is funny because both of those games came out the same year and fought for the GotW award. You play as Hyakkimaru, a boy with swords for arms who is cursed after his father gave away all 48 body parts to demons in a deal for power. Now it’s your job to get your body back, piece by piece. This plot allows for incredibly unique visual story telling that is astounding for the time it came out in. For example, in the beginning chapter Hyakki is blind. They show this by making the world entirely black and white until he gets his sight back in which color floods your screen in a beautiful way. Since he can’t speak he has a filter that makes it sound like he’s talking in his head… etc. Even some of the 48 bosses are hidden and optional, something I didn’t expect to see in a game this old. On my first playthrough, I missed some bosses because the map is deceptively big. I think my only critiques besides the silly voice acting (personally, I like it) are that Dororo’s sections of the game aren’t great but they don’t drag on either so I don’t mind them and that the music is stale and repeats.

All in all, I can yap about this game all day because I love it so much. If you are unwilling to spend $700 on Blood Will Tell, I highly recommend that you buy a cheap repro or emulate it on your computer. If neither of those are options for you consider watching a playthrough on youtube or, better yet, reading/watching all the other adaptations of Dororo! Blood Will Tell is based of the 1963 manga Dororo by Osamu Tezuka (the mangaka of Astroboy and Black Jack) and there are many versions of this story!

The Best Adventure Game

Okami

I like to call Okami “the game that raised me” because it pretty much did. I first remember playing it in sixth grade and have played a run through of it probably once a year since. I’ve played it on Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, Playstation 5, and Playstation 2… and I’ll honestly say that it plays best on Switch. When Okami came out it originally launched on the Wii, which is why it plays so well on Switch as well. The reason for that is because of its unique, never before seen gameplay. Okami’s premise is that you play as Okami Amaterasu, the goddess of the sun in the form of a white wolf, who is resurrected in order to save the world from darkness. Ammy’s special ability is that she can manipulate the Celestial Brush, which has 13 different techniques that allow the player to literally play God by painting onto their surroundings to summon things like wind, water, fire, and vines or to literally stop time or cause nature to bloom. This Celestial Brush is why it plays so well on Nintendo consoles, which is actually why I recommend playing this game on one instead of on PS2. Okami has been remastered and really has no reason to be played PS2. In addition to why it isn’t fantastic on the PS2 is that Okami is most known for its visuals. The entire game is done in a painterly style with cell-shaded brush strokes that outline everything decoratively to aid it’s themes of traditional Japanese mythology… And one thing that makes that style look even better is when it is not played in low poly on the PS2.

So to put the kebash on this one, Okami was the best adventure game on the PS2 despite not being suited for the console itself. So please, play the remaster to enjoy the story even more!

The Best Fighting Game

Yakuza

I know a lot of you might disagree with me on this but please know I am only going off games I have played and that I also don’t care about what others think. I love this series. There are 8 Yakuza games, 10 if you count Like A Dragon 8: Infinite Wealth and Gaiden, 13 if you count Ishin, Ishin (Remake/Remaster), Kenzan!, and Dead Souls, 15 if you count Kiwami 1 & 2, and 17 if you count the Black Panther games… but it all started with this one game. Yakuza is a beat ‘em up that was advertised as “Japan’s GTA” which I think is an apt description only for the street fighting you do. In actuality, Yakuza is a game that follows the ex-yakuza Kiryu Kazuma as he fights to save the people he cares about and struggles with his loyalty to his former life a made man. The combat is fun and engaging with its use of combos and cinematics, however the controls are a bit finicky but nothing that will drive you up the wall. Another drawback of this title is the voice acting for the same reason as Blood Will Tell, it is a horrendous English dub. But I think it’s enjoyably bad, Mark Hamill and John DeMagio jumpscared me when I first heard their voices.

Although, I don’t necessarily recommend Yakuza to anyone who doesn’t have a PS2 at all, really, and that is because Yakuza Kiwami exists —which is a remake for modern consoles of this game with a million new things, better graphics and combat, and no English dub. This remake highlights everything that was so good about the original.

The Best Horror Game

Silent Hill 2

I think I can keep this one short because Silent Hill 2 is a game that needs no introduction. It practically invented the psychological survival horror genre as we know it be today and still is an amazing game that manages to always unnerve me. From its multiple endings to its atmospheric environment, Silent Hill 2 sets the bar for what should be a good horror game and inspires many series still. But above all else, Silent Hill 2 has the best soundtrack out of any game that I’ve mentioned so far. Akira Yamaoka is a genius songwriter.

The Worst Game I’ve Played So Far

Fullmetal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir

I love Fullmetal Alchemist (if my account was any clue into that haha) and I thought that my love for that series was going to help get through this game. But I was so wrong and I should’ve listened to my gut. FMA works really well as video game if you actually try to make it one or else it doesn’t work, the ingredients are there you just have to follow the recipe. But Fullmetal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir takes this way too seriously. Not only does it harp on the most boring episodes of the original series, it does so in the worst manner possible. The game itself looks like plastic, it’s cellshaded blandly. The music is loud and at times annoying, the fighting is stiff and uninspired when alchemy could be so much fun if done right, and it follows a clunky visual novel style in cutscenes for no reason. Even in the menu you can see that it was trying to be an RPG but never committed and I think this game could’ve shined if it was one, instead of the lame fighter it is now. The only benefit I see in this game is that the voice acting is all the original cast. So that’s nice… everything else? Not so much.

Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions for me to play!

[theyluvlyss]

just saw that u watched atsv, and I've been wanting to rant to somebody about it for so LONG. Im curious about your thoughts on it tho, mind sharing?

𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧...

you've unlocked one of lyssa's mile long tangents. prepare to crumble under my wrath of fangirl-ism. to lie buried beneath the wreckage of my infinite declarations. and to suffocate amongst my many, many convictions /ᐠ○⩊○マ~ !

no, but fr, this may be a lot, so I apologize in advance for the length. however, I'll organize all of my thoughts into cute little sections for you and the others who may read this, if that helps any :).

oh, and short disclaimer, the following is my own opinion. I want to remind y'all not to take whatever I say so seriously/to heart. if you don't like what I have to say/think, then just scroll on and go about your day. no hate needed. and, if you'd like to discuss more in depth, dms are always open (I love to talk😻).

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 :

I give the movie a solid 8.5/10. the only reason it's not a full 9-10/10 is because of two things;

a.) the pacing was crazy, like, it kind of overstimulated me? not in a bad way, exactly, but it definitely made it hard for me to focus while being slung through, like, ten different emotions every ten seconds. so much so, that when the movie ended, I felt nothing💀 (I was mad/hype/in my feels later, ofc) but like... after everythingggg, I felt very numb and needed a second longer than usual to recollect.

b.) everyone needed to take several high dose chill pills. like, am I the only one who feels as though certain character arcs/developments were erased? and that everyone needed to just sit tf down and t a l k fr? idkidk, don't press me✋🏽😃✋🏽.

other than that, solid movie and I'm so, so, excited for the next one, and I can't wait to start writing fanfic and make a spider-sona (or two...or three or four or five💀-).

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬/𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 :

the soundtrack is so fire !! straight heat🔥, not one bad track, just banger after banger fr😻😆. when I give it my second watch (cuz no, I didn't watch it again yesterday like I said, I got busy, it's halloweekend, give me a break lol), I'll definitely list some of my faves from the track.

to be honest, though, I don't know what I expected. of course atsv had some heat. so did the first movie ! so I expect beyond the spider-verse to deliver again.

visuals... they ate down for the most part, I was totally expecting that. I only have one, eensy-weensy little pet peeve, and that's the way gwen's world/coloring is done. personally, it's just not my cup of tea, I didn't really vibe with it, which made it hard for me to enjoy a lot of her home world/dimension scenes. and ofc, it's just my opinion. if you liked it, awesome. I don't expect to start something or like... have the whole artstyle be changed, that's not what I'm saying.

I just wasn't messing with it, and that's totally okay :). everyone else was *💋* perfect, and my faves definitely had to be our miles' (y'know, 1610!miles) dimension, pavitr's, hobie's... okay, so, basically, everyone else's but gwen's (y'all are going to start to notice a theme here, btw🥴💀). but, if anyone has some niche facts or interpretations on why her world was colored as such, I'd love to hear them :).

now onto the good stuff >:3...

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 :

I- *crying about him every second of the day*...

poor boy needs a break, bro, like... (minus the spider-duties, ofc) I was deeply/heavily relating to his struggles. having all of these different things running through your mind at once, all things imperative for a good future/outcome. and then the constant stress of worrying about/for all of this different shit. especially the family bits, him just trying to do right by them but also needing s p a c e hit home mad hard😭.

and then, omg, all of these people telling him all of these different things... how he, A TEENAGE BOY, has to make all of these life altering (some life ending) choices for MULTIPLE realities, including his own ?? have the adults in the building (movie) lost they whole entire minds?! anyways, sorry, lemme chill out. this is supposed to be about miles💀.

as usual, I loved him and his personality like, truly resonated with this awkward swag vibe he has going on (and have since the first movie) and I just-...

he's pookie, fr, and I wish the world and the ppl who claim to love him in it so deeply would act like such😭💋. and he was so, so, so real for dissing peter (b. parker) every time he'd try to talk because bro, he was such a snitch, idcidc💀. and then real again for the whole, "everyone keeps tryna tell me how my story is supposed to go. Nah... i'ma do my own thing." line, like yesss king, go off✨️.

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐰𝐞𝐧 :

she-... ouuu...

y'all, I can't express how much this lil' girl got on my nerves. not to say that I don't understand, I do, trust. but it's not an excuse. and oh my days, did she make me cringe like... she gives me sheltered person vibes, which I was gonna say isn't her fault, but it kinda is when she shut herself out from the whole world willingly😭. again, I understand why, but she set herself up doing that. on top of being so stereotypically white?

no offense, but I audibly gasped when she called mr. and mrs. morales by their first names😃. like girl🥴- ! and then this whole, "I like you but actually lol no I don't because I'm lowkey with hobie, but no, I'm not." thing she's doing with miles? either miss girl is terrible at social cues, orrrr😗... she's an ass🤷🏽‍♀️. sorry but that wasn't cute, like if I were miles, I would just have to let gwen go, I mean, she even said it herself;

"in every universe, gwen stacy falls for spider-man... and in every other universe, it…doesn’t end well.”

like girl, if that's what you believe, then quit it with the, "you might have a chance with me but probably not, let's find out." vibes you're radiating, please😭🙏🏽. like, throwing the whole spider-verse off balance because, "i JuSt wAnTeD tO sEe hIm aGaIn x'0 !" when she literally knew and AGREED that she shouldn't have ever gone to see him again in the first place (because it's not like miles knew she had the ability to come see him whenever, so she should've just kept it that way) was such a foul move, bro...

anyway, I'm done dragging her, because on the flip side...

gwen deserved so much better from her father. sure, he came around towards the end, but where was the unconditional love and support that a parent is supposed to give, regardless of anything else? like, I was wholeheartedly shook to my core when gwen told him she was spider-girl, and his response was to arrest her.

sir...?! if it were me, I'd take all my shit from my room and never speak to that man again. like, oh 'ight, that's how you feel? I'm out here essentially doing your job after having to deal with the murder of my best friend (which you blamed me for, mind you !) and you want me in jail? still?? even after finding out I'm your lil' princess baby girl a.k.a. your daughter, bitch ???

sorry, but I'll say it again, my dad would never see me again 'cept when I'm busy being spider-girl on the tv😹. and just in general, poor gwen fr, like, I truly felt it when spider-woman swooped into the scene in the start of the movie, and gwen's immediate response was to go, "can you adopt me?" and like, sure, "sHe wAs jOkInG/bEiNg aWkwArD" but, coming from a girl who wished she'd had better parents...

that was not a joke, she fully meant that shit, you're not changing my mind😹🥴. anyways, all in all, I have very 60/40 feelings about gwen. sixty being my dislike, forty being my like (or, more accurately, understanding of her person regardless of my dislike).

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫-𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 :

let's just acknowledge that she's voiced by the queen, ms. issa rae😻 !!! like she ate down, I don't care what anyone has to say. now, onto her actual character, she was so honorable for taking gwen in. like wow, I wish someone would swoop into my life, via sick motorcycle and sweet webs, and snatch me up into a better life🤩. and then further advocating for her (gwen) and her actions throughout the movie, even though it was risky?

she's so amazing (as all spider-people tend to be, harhar, puns). and yes, it was unfortunate when she couldn't do much for gwen upon miguel finding out what had been done and yada-yada, but she did all she could/agreed to/said she would do. She stood on her word, and that's all that matters🤷🏽‍♀️.

honestly, I don't have much on her except for the fact that I remember thinking she was pretty sick, so yeah :).

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 :

um, I don't... dislike him, I guess? but I definitely don't like him, nor am I attracted to him. I kind of don't get/understand that, but to each their own.

b u t... I do wanna say one thing because I hope that once I do say it, I start seeing a bit of a change/more of it...

I've read some miguel fanfiction, both before and after watching the movie. not saying I scoured the depths of tumblr for it or anything, read every last piece of writing on him there is to exist. that's not the case. but, from what I have read, y'all didn't get his character right imo. some aspects, sure, but his whole persona has been completely misconstrued. misinterpreted.

he's not this extra stoic, leader, jason todd-type/esque dude. to me, that man gave awkward and anti-social. I'd even go as far as to say he might've been a little autistic coded, but again, as always, that's just me ✋🏽😗✋🏽. and sure, yes, there was stoic behavior, which comes along with being rather awkward and potentially on the spectrum. and I'm not at all denying that he's a badass, he totally is.

but outside of that, and outside of him being super aggro towards miles, any scene of him was either him keeping to his lonesome unless absolutely necessary. self-isolating (which can be moreso due to trauma/other mental troubles rather than autism), and wanting nothing to do with anything he wasn't comfortable with (and I definitely wanna say he didn't want to be leader of anything/in a position of power, that's just how shit lined up for him, and it's just like... what can you do🤷🏽‍♀️?).

he was consistent with his information, both giving it and explaining deeper. he didn't like to be interrupted while doing so. and there was that one moment where talking to lyla (lila? lyla?¿) where he said something like, "do the explaining thing that do you do."

"what thing?"

"wha-😃? what do you mean, 'what thing?' the information explain-y thingy😐🤨."

and it's not even the only time where him and lila have had this awkward (but cute, ngl) dynamic with each other. anyways, whatever, I could just be talking out of my ass and being contradictory (becauss he is stoic but he isnt but he is-?¿), but-

I need/wanna see more awkward and introverted miguel content, not so much no-nonsense and hella apathetic...

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐥𝐚 (𝐥𝐲𝐥𝐚?¿) :

someone tell me how to spell her name so I can do her proper justice lol🙏🏽.

but anyways, I like her a lot :D. I mean, I know we barely see her, but just from her fit, voice/lil valley girl accent, and vibes alone...

oh yeah, we'd be besties if we ever met, I just know it. lila is so cool and I hope she plays a bigger role in beyond the spider-verse😻.

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐞 :

he's so hot and cool and aesthetically pleasing to look at, I just wish I could understand what that nigga was saying🥴💀. no shade, I'm so deeply infatuated with him, I just... that accent is thick as hell, so that's my sign to be sure my next watch has captions on😭.

through context clues, though, I was happy when he sided with miles/supported his journey to do whatever he felt it was best to do. and how he quit being apart of... what was it called, the spider-society? I-... and then at the end when he shows up to help gwen and them help miles. also, hello, the friendship between him and pavitr is so cute, I live for that😭.

also, his suit kicks ass. I thought the spikes and the fact that he fights with a guitar was a very nice touch, and I really dig how when miles was like, "how are you even cooler under the mask?" he's like, "I was this cool the whole time😌.

like okay, periodt, love that for you, king✨️. like shiiii, I believe it🥴😻. also, is it canon that him and gwen were together? or is it a friends with benefits type of deal? who knows, who cares. I don't >:) (I will being writing fanfiction about him).

also, quick headcanon !! I don't know why, but he gives me vibes that he can't stay focused for the life of him. er, like... he can, but to do so, he has to be focused on something completely unrelated. also, hello, he's a spider-person... shooting off un-asked for quips and jokes is kind of part of the spider-package. like, there were so many times where a person (irl or in the movie, doesn't matter) could swear hobie wasn't paying a lick of attention because he's off doing something else, talking about something totally unrelated...

just a completely unserious ass dude, right? wrong. well, not fully. but no, he's paying attention by... not paying attention. does that make sense😃? anyways...

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐫 :

he's my silly little meow-meow babygirl and I want nothing but the very best for him😆🥺. no but for real, I was on edge watching him try to "do both." save his girlfriend or save her dad (which was apparently a canon event that miles disrupted but he just wanted to helppp😭).

I was so happy when everything went okay, even if it meant that a canon event was fucked with, but stillll...

also, I thought it was so funny how he's "perfect" lmao. he fr achieved that healthy, work-life-spider-man balance. truly peaked😌✨️. also his theme...!! the cultural tune implemented into it !!! what a bop, an absolute jam, a certified banger. I also really vibed with his spider-suit, like, the colors and incorporations clashed so well together, and just the design itself was so...💫sparkly💫, and the way he used his webs??

again, I adored it ! I have no clue what the arm cuffs (??) at the ends of them are called (plz let me know, because I know they're important/cultural, I believe🙏🏽), but once again, beautifully done and amazingly executed. I'm sure people (especially teens and younger) probably went nuts in the theater seeing that, like, y'all... representation matters, I will scream it until my own ears bleed.

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐛. (𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐝𝐚𝐲) :

when I tell you miles and I went, "you/he had a baby😃?!" at the exact same time, you would've thought I was in the movie lmao💀.

I don't know, I just wasn't expecting it (even though I probably should have been), but she was the cutest darn thing😻🥺 !! her red hair like mary jane's, but having peter's spider powers was just adorable, and the fact that I saw everyone hold her at least once... my heart... it aches😫♡.

never thought a cartoon would give me baby fever, yet here I am. and it was so special to me how he admitted to miles (even though/while under shitty circumstances) that he was the reason he (peter) even wanted to have her in the first place and made him ready to commit. he wants her to be just like him (miles) and that made me-

😭😭😭♡ plus, him constantly having her with him in the little baby carrier thingy... adorable. like, yes, mj, he did take her on another mission, and she was clearly having the time of her life, lay off😆✨️.

now, on the flipside... peter,,, you're a terrible mentor💀. like, I get he was doing his best, but his best was trash, what can I say🤷🏽‍♀️. just doing miles dirty, snitching and switching sides left and right. I mean, the fact that he only showed up during the "intervention" (more like trap-) just so there was a higher chance at helping miguel to convince miles to let innocent people, plus his own father, d i e? shit move, some mentor/father-type figure you are😒.

also, this next bit should really be in the miguel section (oh well), but... how uncool of him was it to literally set miles up with all of his spider friends and then have them try to convince him, "oh yeah, it's a canon event to let people die, including one of the closest people you have in your life. sorry, that's just how it is, accept it lol." like actually, fuck uncool, shit was totally buckwild and uncouth. on top of the fact that none of them thought to visit him for who knows how long?

yeah... no, get fucked, I hope miles figures out a way to beat the system in the next movie, just out of pure spite🙏🏽.

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐞-𝟒𝟐 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 :

I know he was only there for half a second, but listen... how scary was it, coming to that realization that 1610 miles was in the wrong universe. like dawg, I had chilllsss, I was so nervous for him, like genuinely, the stress sweat was insane😃✋🏽.

y'all said tmi? gotchu. anyways, so yeah, but then immediately when uncle aaron showed up, I just knew, I was like, "oh shit, wait, okay, if he's here, and jefferson is dead..." like I put the pieces together so fast, I figured out e-42 miles was the prowler way quicker than I think I should've🥲✋🏽.

but when that mask came back, my mind wiped, cuz um...

like... I'm not the only person that... reacted... to the accent right? like-

I was shook, but when I was... it was like, "😱...😧...😳...😻" yk? like what buisness did he have sounding like that😃💀. anyways, sorry, I'm done. except I'm not, because my mind now contains sooo many headcannons on just earth-42 in general and then e-42 miles, like ?! and that shouldn't really be a surprise to anyone because I'm a writer I do this, this is what I do, I do this, this is what I do🤷🏽‍♀️<3.

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 :

- loved it when they did the thing... yk...

lolll that thing. I giggled very loud :).

- spot was nonchalantly terrifying and funny, and I really a d o r e villains like that. just unhinged and doing thier own thing while still proving themselves great threat and standing on buisness? yeah, he was awesome, I have zero nitpicks on him, he was done very well. althoughhhh.... I know I just said I have no nitpicks, but why is his backstory/origin so insignificant😭? like it's kind of lame, but at the same time, kind of... genius? like, I don't hate it, but I definitely wouldn't have come up with it so I guess that's a good thing. original/unique, in this specific case, I'd say🤷🏽‍♀️.

- I wish my mom was like rio. that's it, that's the post, #mommyissues🥲✨️.

- why did they wash out jefferson's character so badly? like, he still had his moments, but outside of that, he was basically just comic relief, which was... a little jarring given how he behaved in the first movie. I definitely feel like he could've been done a little better, but I supposed it wasn't a crazy bad change. like, there was the fact that miles (as spider-man, but still-) still had to tell him to get off of his ass, so it wasn't a complete 180° change or anything. just a noticeable one.

- ben riley had me giggling hard💀🥴✋🏽. emo ass, I loved him😭✨️.

- the live action editing/clips just- shdjfjekgoekkr !!! like how freaking cool, like I was deadass in my room screaming like a lunatic, like, I get it's the spider-verse so it's obvious those shots would be there but IDC LEMME FANGIRL IN MF PEACE !!!

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

alright, that's all lol. if there's anything or anyone else I've forgotten to put in any of the different sections, I'll add them. but yeah, those are basically my surface level thoughts🥴. But of course, if anyone wants to go in depth with me, I'm totally open to that, and I hope to be posting headcanons and stuff about them soon (just gotta... set up the masterlist and stuff first😃).

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐨, 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐡... 𝐛𝐲𝐞, 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 !

[mavspeed]

hi bestie <333 may i humbly ask 🥺, 🏆, 👀, 🤩, and 🧠 (maverick!!!) for the fic writer ask meme please 🙇🏼‍♀️🥰

HI BESTIE YES YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

the icemav hug in tgm gets me tbh like it really doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen it every single time it comes across my dash I’m like florence pugh walking across midsommar field gif

also there’s one pic of goose and mav that really. it really Gets To Me. here it is

LOOK AT THEM. THEY WERE JUST BABIES. THEY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS COMING. *crying*

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

so I just went to ao3 to filter it by hits which I’ve never done before. and. extremely humiliated to say it’s this fic I wrote for wonder woman (2017). hell. (this is also strange bc it doesn’t have that many comments)

BUT I’m also surprised to note that the second and third most popular fics on there are fics I did NOT expect to see aka this cherik fic I wrote after discussing the idea w my bff (hey syd!!) and basically a cherik au of the mummy (ironic bc I’m a tommy enjoyer now) LMFJDJS THE MORE YOU KNOW I GUESS

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

I have a couple bc one thing about me... I am absolute shit at finishing wips lmfjdjssn like I am awful at them absolutely awful. but anyway I do have one with civilian mav and mob boss ice for which a good bit is already written (also fun fact this fic has viper/jester which I consider fucking hilarious)

also there’s one (tentatively) which I haven’t started yet that’s basically a 5+1 with pennymav. they’re such an underrated ship and inspiration struck me one day so yeah that’s in the works too

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

this is funny because bruises of our failures is (mostly) mav pov but I love writing ice. idk he’s so repressed and constipated and awkward and hiding all that beneath indifference and apathy. *twirling hair* he just like me fr

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. (mav)

I feel like this is pretty obvious in the way I write but the one thing I love about him is that he isn’t just being reckless for reckless’ sake. like you’re not gonna see him pull off dangerous moves in the air if there’s no end goal, he does everything for a reason! it’s just that the way he goes about doing it is perhaps a little riskier than some might like but it’s for a reason. and this isn’t something that only developed in the sequel, it’s obvious in the first movie too- the narrative just put a much deeper focus on his recklessness. (this is why I’m a bit 👀 when people write mav just being.... reckless for no reason.... just doing shit bc he can.... because really?? really???)

and bc this was a pretty ordinary headcanon I’m gonna give you another one LMFJDJJD my second headcanon is much more dumb and it’s basically. mav likes romcoms. he fucking loves them. so sue him he’s a romantic at heart and he kinda likes it when they run towards each other in the end and kiss in the rain. I feel like after a day of dealing with idiots and flying in the air and nearly dying a total of ten times he’d want to watch people fall in love and sometimes goose joins him too.

also his favourite romcom is clueless. no I’m not taking objections thank you

[theiloveyousong]

olive listens to the second act of falsettos for the first ever time on a plane very tired and slightly loopy: a liveblog (ish)

my not entertaining, very pathetic thoughts on falsettos. not proofread or edited for typos. read at your own risk.

okay before we begin let me preface by saying im finally just taking a bit to just LISTWN to this shit and trinas song emotionally destoryed me okay. okay

why is the first line just homosexuals. i mean yeah but still

oh this goes

weirdly happy though isnt this guy gonna die

BAR MITZVAH

YABADAVA THE EIGHTIES

ooh speed mode march of the falsettos

the lesbians!!

of course shes a shiksa

WHEEEEEEEEE! WOOOOOOO!

this gooooooes

oh its marvin

“two years” are you NORMAL now

good for trina

ezcept on tje jewish holidays

WHAT NO WHIZZER???

bring him back

HOMOSEXUALS

i wanna go to falsettoland except not really cuz ot would probs suck

yeah. grow tje fuck up

MARVIN. PLEASE.

wait how is he twelve and a half i had my bat mitzvah three months after turning 13

elaborate william finn.

jason stoooop butchering the hebrew. stooooop

im gonna give him a pass simply because ive heard worse

aww the tallit belssing. i think

WALKERMAN

“the last loving thinfh we’llprobably ever do together” noooo youre so emotionally intriguing aha

the whole things WHAT now man who i think matbe js whizzer but i cant tel marvin snd whizzer apart very well is that bad

good for fucking jason

this is my mom literally

hes gonna be a jewish adult

i cant tell wahts gping on (too zzzy)

omg a lesbian

“nouvelle bar mitzvah cuisine” cordelia i love you but please do not do this. just have fucjing bagels you cant go weong with bagels

CONGA

so proud pf jason

i am NOT dxcited for when my brother starts bar mitzvah prep

this song is titled miracle of judaism it has to be good

oh hes being a little straightboy

invite none of them just be a frienless loser like i was lamoo

no i had like four people there

you are TWELVE. DUDE.

you’re not swinging a goth gf you are TWELVE YEARS OLD

oooh baseball

ooooh JEWOSH baseball

same maevin

marvin stop calling your sona pussy

oh eitght its the Eighties

jason cannot play baseball

baseball ⚾️ ooh empji ⚽️ 🏀 🏈

WHIZZER

go off trina. love her

of course he love sbaseball

the lesbians are silly

oh my god. middle aged man core. hes so fjcking pathetic

jason *not 2 fiture penny put photo of cat kn box head here. no service on this plane*

even bald he looks good

stop thinking about your gay love and focus on your fucking sun. loser

i would love to watch jason play badebll (loe?

h

me when i hit the ball

this bitch gets SIX parents at hsi baseball games and my brother gets my mom and me not paying attention because soccer is boring as sbit sorry soccer lovers who also follow penny dimeshee on timblr pkay im rabong RAMBING

me when im in falsettoland

mendel is so bad at his job

this bitch sucks ass.

disgrace to the name of caroline fr caroline abbott would NEVER do such a thing

reagan and pagan as a rhyme ks genius

STOP SLEEPING WORH YOUR BOSS?!??

trina. thag is NOT how you prnounce it

sorry what.

just qhitnyour FFUCKIGN job. you cant do it anyway 😊☺️☺️

god i love ❤️ emojis

wbat a shock marvins back with whizzer

trina be normal please 🙏 i love you

trina calm your shit

yeah why CANT u let goe

as spon as they said that i know everytknhg not gonna be alright

i watched like half of a short clip of this from tje tonies and then went to bed becaus eit was like ten pm and i sleep early because i am a loser if any lf you compare me to bakugo my hero academia i will actually cry anyway the clip was good they were #exercising wby dod i go pn thos tangent

charlotte!!!!!!!!

me when i stick a lightbulb up my ass

okay shes being self important

aww

was that the first eff bomb

what aee they laying

whizzer my man marvin has matured stip raggingi kn him!!!!!!!!!’

god

i cant see anything out this plane window its like 10 pm. past my bedtime

OOH i lvoe me a good musical motif

anyone here watchind minions the rise of gru and know what the FUUCK goes on in it my brothers watcing jt and im so confused

THAGS NOT. WOAAAAAAH

HE DID MATURE!!!!!!!!!!!! “i want it all” “all i want is you” CHARACTER DEVEIPMENT GO OFFFFFF!! i want to write an essay about this man

they gave us quinoa chocolace crunches on the plane

theyre in the coty? damn i would jot think that. they feel like sone sort of pseudo-idyllic suburban lifestyle bitches

REPEATED LYRICS. AHHHHHHHH

Damn this shit is long

this sonf is incorrect i do not hate my parents

thag wasnt funny

jadon. honey. you are so lucky your parendes dotn involve you in bar mitzvah prep. do you want to pick out tablecloth swatches

jaosn i feel like you’re misunderstanding the purpace of the bar mitzvab

what kinda a name ks apple bum

SAUL

better call sa- he WHAT???? HWTA????? HIH????? WH?????? REELING

HE HAS PAITBJNGD OF WHAT NOW???????????????????????

matbe i should have done this while lucid

gonna take a wuick pause sk i can play shitty united app games

okay i got a high score of 0. om back

HE DOESNT yeah i thoight that

what the fuck was that mendel is thag ilatian. we are JEWISH. why did you top it off with dayeinu.

i did bate my paewnts at 12

jason dont you want to be counted in a minyan….

it is not in the torah

god did not say thag

sigh

jason do the fuckingn bar mitzvah.

HELP

even ykkur wife knows you cand do your hob correctly mendel…

one hour left onthe flogh ti can do this

can mtbrother turn his screen birghtness fown

sorry marvinim sore your love os wuite sweet but im gonan catch about four min of sbuteye

“try to stay both kind and young” okah thats powerful

okay marvin. good love ballad.

OH NO.

OH NOOOOOOOOOOO

“something so bad that words have lost their meaning”

whizzer soumds so tired

MARVIN. god i love him

everything is not gonna be alright

oh and now trjnas gonna make me sob

YEAH. 🤧😿

i have things to say about the repetition of everything will be alright and they will be said. eventually

“hahaha… not funny… okay”

gonna bawl my eyes out

“gefiltee fish” “gefilte fish?”

i need to watch this on stage

god he’s just a KID!!!

im not crying you’re crying

the fucking. camaderie.

i am crying on the plane and im trying not to be weird about it

JASON.

heart breaking

i am getting tje implications here bit the thing is i dont like the implications

ive heard this song on character playlists o think

points i SAW THAG LYRIC IN A COMPARISON TO WOE IS ME!!!

i just know jason bar mitzvahs gonna kill me

he brought tje prayer shawl!!

yeah this si. augh. making the best out of a horrible situation <333

would this ever work logistically? no. where is the rabbi? where is the torsh? but emotionally? i am crying my eyes out as i drscend over salt lake city utsh and im not even ahsmwed

MARVIN. GOD. im a marvin fan now not ashamed

they are NOT doing this bar mitzvah right

thats not an actual parshah. or actual trope. i need to stop pointing out inconsisternces

🤧🤧🤧 MARVIIIIIIIN.

ID LIKERO BELIEVE THAT ID DO OT AGAIN AND AGAIN AGAIN:(

waiteajtwait dont they say that thing in this has better come to a stop. OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

like wine

WERE JUST GONNA SKIP THAT STAGE.

there ar no word sor emojis that can express th e utter fucking heartbreak im going through rn

OH GOD ITS OVER.

PLEASE. PLEASE. PYU CANT DO THIS TO ME.

A REPRISE??? AS A FUCKING FINALE????

whoo boy.

—

hi its airport olive. thanks for getting this far! if you read this all you’re now legally obligated to marry me!

[mari-lair]

☀️, for the ask game

☀️ Has anyone ever left you a comment that made your day? What did it say?

I had a few, but recently only yours come to mind! You went into so many details, and paid so much attention, it got me writing proudly like Nene with her diary.

I worked on the chapter as if I was speedrunning the day I got it, even finished that week! And i still re-read it when I need motivation. I'm determined to make the next chapter long!

And here is what the comment said:

[so, uh, i may or may not have forgotten to comment on this for half a month… well, to compensate for my lateness i’ve decided to write my thoughts on this chapter in excruciating detail because i’m actually very normal (i swear)

1. THEY SHAKED HANDS… OH MY GOD… look it may not seem like much but when you think about it hand shaking is pretty much just hand holding with extra steps, so basically they just held hands (good for them!!!)

2. aka’s relationship with mirai is. so much to me. AND DRAWING PARALLELS TO TERU AND TIARA’S RELATIONSHIP… LITERALLY RATTLING MY CAGE BARS SO HARD AT THIS!!! also them agreeing that teru’s a piece of crap is so iconic fr

3. aka offering for teru to braid his hair is so damn telling of how theyre slowly but surely getting closer and starting to trust each other a bit and i just. AAAHHDJFJFJFJFJFJFFJAJSKDKKD. THIS IS DRIVING ME INSANE /POS

4. omg i remember when i was looking at one of the wips and i was like ‘wait op isn’t gonna pull a chapter 26 right…’ and i am SO GLAD that i dodged apollo’s dodgeball there because i’d probably cry if that happened

5. ‘wiggling around like a pathetic worm’ is such a Sentence™ and now it’ll be forever ingrained in my mind, i bet ten dollars i’m gonna end up quoting that like five times in a row while knowing damn well that nobody’s gonna fully understand me

6. aka’s reaction to teru being taller than him is so comically paradigmatic of their relationship like damn, i’m gonna go sit in a corner and think about that for a while gimme a few okay (and by ‘a few’ i mean the next few YEARS)

7. the part where teru ruffles aka’s hair and notices how cold it is OH MY GOD AJSKJDKDKFKF???? i think i’ll have to change that from a few years to a few decades… may or may not have led me down a rabbit hole of thoughts on aka’s lack of humanity ngl 😳😳😳 i’m like 2 seconds away from writing a small essay about it someone needs to either stop me or encourage me right now

8. ‘it was as if growing up made teru lose his survival instincts’… HEY, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN 😀 is it because he eventually falls in love with aka… i know what you are, teru 🤨📸 BUT ALSO WHAT IF IT’S SOMETHING ELSE okay i don’t know what else it could be atm but whatever it is i have a feeling it would not be good

9. tbh… i’m becoming a rita stan (i said, not even having the faintest idea of what she looks like because i can’t imagine people for the life of me) wait actually. you should draw her /nf… if you don’t do it first then i’ll just have to draw her myself ig

10. TERU CALLING AKA BY HIS NAME. TERU GETTING GENUINELY WORRIED FOR AKA. i am going to lock myself in my dryer and never come out omg i’m going to cry this is so important to me i’m never gonna dance again because of this

11. the way he’s starting to care about aka… i’m literally going to cry… god the way you write character dynamics and development is literally going to make me rip my eyes out IT’S SO GOOD AJKDDJKDKDFK. and the way he was denying it so hard too 😭😭 it’s like, he’s trying so much to convince himself that he doesn’t care about aka and i just,,, IT’S SO. YK

12. this is like. stage one: Denial™, yk. like he says and does all these things to try and distract from how he actually feels, HE OVERCOMPENSATES SO MUCH LMAO, idk how to articulate it but this is going to be the death of me, i was just waiting for him to realize just how much he cares deep down yk… actually this entire fic is just killing me to death tbh

13. AND THEN WHEN HE FINALLY ADMITS IT TO HIMSELF OH MY GOD. I’M GOING TO SLAM HIM INTO A MICROWAVE THIS LITERALLY MEANS EVERYTHING I’M USING EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING TO NOT SCREAM AND SHOUT RN

14. and then of course he tries to pin the blame on aka, like he’s just doing everything in his power to deny his feelings lmaoo, that’s literally so in character for him… like who’s gonna tell him about friendship /j, btw this fic is stabbing me cesear-style rn

15. AND THEN THE ENDING OH MY GOD… NOW THAT’S HOW YOU END A CHAPTER FR!! i am currently going to explode with anticipation for the next chapter, i’m actually never going to shut up about this fic tbh

i don’t really know a good way to finish this small essay of a comment off, so i’ll just quote something i texted to a friend while in the middle of writing this: ‘i fink that fic may have ruined me tbh but it’s too radballs for me to go back now’. i think that adequately summarizes my thoughts on this tbh

so uh yeah!!! thanks for reading exactly 895 words of me incoherently rambling about this fic, next time i’m going to make a google slides presentation /j but seriously i love this fic so much and i can’t wait to see where it goes next!]

[fangirls-just-want-to-have-fun]

My Thoughts That No One Asked For on Dancing With The Stars season 31 ep. 8: Halloween Week!

Taken down in very real time

(get comfy I have a lot of feelings)

okay honestly tho Tyra is kinda slaying

DEREK’S LOOK HELLO??? 🤩 

Oh I just KNOW Shangela and Gleb are gonna eat this up (update: they ate that shit up)

DANIEL AND BRITT LOOK SO GOOD AAHHHH

I’m gonna say this right now if Vinny Guadagnino does not go home tonight I’m gonna lose my shit (update: I have lost my shit)

20 seconds in and Jordin is ALREADY slaying love that for her 

WELL HI THERE CARRIE ANN 🤩 

Hell yeah four nines for Jordin!!!

Mark back injury?? 🥺 

I actually think Charli’s dance was well scored it wasn’t perfect but it was AMAZING

DANIEL AND BRITT YES YES YES IM SO READY

I’m sorry they’re doing a PASO DOBLE?? Oh god I’m nervous

Oh yay! They slayed!!!

They’re the FIRST paso doble this season???? Oh my GOD 

I’m terrified you guys (if you can’t tell they’re my favorites and I am PRAYING they do not go home)

YES TWO NINES FOR DANIEL!!!!

Okay these little segments where Derek breaks down the dances are like one of my favorite parts 

Derek and Bruno have one of the single greatest dynamics ever, I swear

Okay but Shangela and Gleb just absolutely SMASHED THAT are you KIDDING

*to Derek* “Ooh, I’ve always wanted to be in your dreams!” SHANGELA SPEAKING FOR THE PEOPLE

Tens for Shangela…? 👀 

TENS FOR SHANGELA PERFECT SCORE BITCHES 🙌🏻 AAAAHHHHHHHH

Trevor having absolutely NO reaction to the spider was HYSTERICAL

Jordan’s little “Hi!” when Sasha tried to scare her was SO funny I’m sorry

Koko I love you but Vinny you are testing me

WHY DO YOU ALL KEEP VOTING FOR HIM HE’S BAD

“Nice guys finish last. Literally.” dude I want to like you so bad but you are making it so hard

I’m sorry but Daniel and Britt’s paso doble was LEAGUES better then theirs

Okay but it is NOT Koko’s fault that Vinny is just NOT a good dancer I will start yelling if anyone blames her choreo (judges you are on thin fucking ice with me rn)

WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE HIM AM I MISSING SOMETHING WHAT

Like the dance was NOT GOOD Y’ALL

If one more person starts saying “I don’t have any dance experience 🥺” I’m gonna go insane

There is no WAY he’s getting out of the bottom two tonight

Okay I’m gonna be honest Heidi D’amelio is kind of starting to get on my nerves

I cannot BELIEVE they got away with using the song “I wanna be your slave” on DANCING WITH THE STARS 

“Bondage becomes you. Me too actually. Tie me up, tie me down, put me there. I’ll do it.” BRUNO PLS THIS IS ON DISNEY PLUS

Okay the rope thing was very confusing I didn’t get it I really think it was kind of pointless but that’s just me

NO WHY THE TEN

Ugh I’m sorry Gabby Windey is like my least favorite right behind Vinny I’m sorry I don’t like her she’s so irritating 

It’s nice to see Alan back though (but fr my man keeps getting the WORST partners #GiveAlanBerstenAnActuallyNicePartner2023)

I HATE THAT SHE’S SO GOOD GODDAMNIT I don’t like her but I have to admit she’s an AMAZING dancer it’s infuriating 

Every time Gabby claps for herself I lose two months of my life

Derek’s got puns for DAYS I live for it

I know I should be paying attention to Gabby’s interview or whatever but if Daniel and Britt are on screen I am ALWAYS staring at them at any given moment 

“I’m scared of taxes.” Wayne Brady you are so real

Witney and Wayne slaying!!!! We love to see it!!!

Trevor Donovan you know I love you but I’m really praying you do NOT do well to keep Daniel and Britt out of the bottom two

(That being said I have no idea HOW he ended up in the bottom two last week)

Oh fuck it looks like their dance is gonna be really good oh god oh fuck

Motherfucker like ten seconds in I’m already crying

FUCK THAT WAS REALLY GOOD

I’m sorry no one touch me the parallel between this week’s “How do you feel about dancing?” “I guess I love it!” and week 1’s “You love dance!!” I’m crying 

Ten for Trevor…? 👀

Trevor shouting out the singer 🙌🏻 

TENS FOR TREVOR AAAHHHHHH GOOD FOR HIM

But oh god oh fuck Daniel and Britt are in the bottom two I’m fucking panicking guys I don’t think I’ll be able to handle them going home

PRAYING this team dance goes well for them 😭 🙏🏻 

Trevor doing ASL applause to show he chose Daniel I’m 😭 

“I definitely don’t want to be the weak link.” Heidi my love I hate to tell you but you were literally chosen last idk what to tell you

Alright I’m not gonna lie Team Wicked’s doing pretty good so far 

Okay damn that was pretty good

Team Scream I’m praying for y’all fr

Not referencing anything specific but my girl Koko Iwasaki has been fighting for her LIFE in every single episode like this is her first season as a pro could y’all like let her BREATHE??

“What was your strategy?” He literally just picked the best dancers what do you mean what was his strategy 

Okay 33/40 for Team Wicked PRAYING for nines across the board for Team Scream 😭 

GET OUT THEYRE DOING THE SIGN FOR SCREAM I’m gonna cry they’re so real for that

HEADS WILL ROLL??? OH HELL FUCKIN YEAH

All of them working hard cause they wanna keep Trevor in the competition 🥺

OKAY THIS IS A SLAY OH GOD

not to be biased but Daniel and Britt’s solo section >>>>>

CHARLI AS THE KILLER SLAY!!

They better be getting MINIMUM nines across the board 

DANIEL GETTING A CALLOUT I’M YELLING AND CRYING RN 😭 🙌🏻 

I’m sorry but they are CLEARLY the superior dance team if they don’t win I’m suing

Len’s callout to the hair makeup and costume department!!! 🙌🏻 🙌🏻 🙌🏻 

I don’t know why but there’s something so adorable about Charli calling Britt “Brittany” like it seems like Charli just respects her so much

“Well, Tyra-“ okay Trevor is absolutely growing on me

39 FOR TEAM SCREAM BABY!!!!!

Mark taking the blame for the misstep 🥺 

THE SECOND CALLOUT TO THE HAIR MAKEUP AND COSTUME CREW WE LOVE TO SEE IT 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼 

Okay Vinny is literally at the bottom if he doesn’t go home I swear

DANIEL AND BRITT ROCKETING UP TO 4TH WE LOVE IT!!!!! 🙌🏻 

DANIEL AND BRITT BEING THE FIRST COUPLE TO GO HOME YES PLEASE!!!

HOW IN THE FUCK ARE VINNY AND KOKO STILL HERE MOTHERFUCKER

If Jordin Sparks goes home I’m gonna scream (update: I screamed)

THANK YOU DEREK AND BRUNO

Len pls I’m begging please pick Jordan 

NO LEN WHY FUCK

Screaming and crying on the floor rn Jordin sparks you own my heart I’ll miss you 💕😭 

Anyways closing thoughts on all the dancers in no particular order:

Yay Daniel and Britt are still here!!! Absolutely in love with these two and I hope they go even farther!! (And then I hope they get married or smth cause goddamn)

Little upset that Heidi is still around, she’s kinda falling out of my favor I’m not gonna lie

I cannot fucking BELIEVE that Vinny is still on the show America what the fuck are you doing

Not gonna lie Trevor is really growing on me I love him and Emma a lot and I would love to see them go far

TENS FOR SHANGELA!!! WHAT MORE IS THERE TO SAY?? (All I need now is a ten for Daniel and I’ll be happy)

I’m gonna miss Jordin and her like actual sibling relationship with Brandon so much 😭 

Nothing really new from Charli, she’s still kickin ass and she’s also really growing on me (I didn’t like her all that much before DWTS but like I said, she’s growing on me)

Gabby is still really irritating to me I’m sorry I know she’s a good dancer but like I really don’t like her 

It’s nice to see Wayne climbing his way back up from last week!

Looking forward to 90’s week!!!

[princessnijireiki]

are those "men try period/contraction simulators" videos gender + bioessentialist & ultimately highly reductive of the physical, hormonal, and long-term + day to day realities of actual decades of menstrual cramps + the physical experience of growing & delivering a baby through your own body... yes... but as a person w chronic pain, for whom the humble tens unit is a very dear, dear friend... are they also VERY funny? YES

[elysianslove]

haikyuu boys that ━━

━━ would absolutely, definitely, 100% get nauseous, dizzy, possibly might faint, while their s/o is in labor. one peak and they’re doubling over the hospital bed, inhaling deeply and exhaling sharply, steeling themselves. some are surprising, some are expected. all are stupid.

iwaizumi hajime; he just cannot. he cannot fathom what is happening. there is no way you’re going through that and surviving. no wonder you’re screaming in pain. of course you’re screaming in pain. he takes one look at what’s going on and just immediately takes a step back, eyebrows raised and hand pressed to his chest like “my god.” he’s an 8/10 though because he is incredibly supportive and those arms are great to grab onto. will not complain for a second (is strangely way too quiet), but he’s worryingly pale. maybe he’s quiet cause if he speaks he’ll throw up. 

miya atsumu; he’s this close to screaming. or crying. possibly both. he can’t tell if he’s scared in general or scared for you or if he’s hurting seeing you hurting. in fact, no one can tell. he just looks like he’s watching an alien abduction happen right before his eyes. like a 6/10 because he probably does actually faint. it’s almost as if he’s the one in labor. and he’s the annoying kind of supportive that makes you want to smack him like shut the fuck up i’m pushing a whole child out of me right now. but his reactions are extremely endearing and hilarious to watch back because he most definitely insisted on filming. 

akaashi keiji; the silent struggler. really doesn’t wanna make it obvious at all. like he really, really, really doesn’t want you knowing that he’s uncomfortable in any way, but he’s like, sweating from how nauseous he is. a big part of it is hating seeing you in pain; he cringes every time you so much as groan or pant. 7/10 because he’s incredibly supportive but his hands are way too clammy :/ like fr get a grip keiji. again, supportive, but his voice is shaky so it’s like, really ineffective. he cries when he sees his baby and it automatically makes him an 11/10.

sakusa kiyoomi; absolute coward. pussy. it’s not about hygiene, he’s just genuinely mortified. keeps asking you’re okay like,,, what do you think, sir? he keeps looking even though every time he does it doesn’t get any better? question mark? you can see him visibly gulping cause he’s in so much shock. like a 5/10 because he forgets to hold your hand. just stands there. eyes wide and mouth parted like a dumb fish. chokes back on his sobs when he hears his baby’s cries and it’s adorable how he brings his hand up to silence himself so maybe he’s a 7/10.

goshiki tsutomu; please he probably has a panic attack mid labor. definitely screams with you and all the nurses and the doctor are like ???? holds your hand tighter than you’re holding his. apologizes the whole time. the whole time. like the doctor asked him if he wants to see what’s happening, which idk why they would consider that a smart idea, and he just wailed like, “baby i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry, can we just adopt?” a 3/10. he’s so cute but. bring someone else if you don’t want to rip your hair out and his. 

kageyama tobio; he absolutely tries to pretend that he’s okay but he just gets really, really quiet once you start delivering and his lips are chapped and his pupils are blown and his face is so pale. he looks like he just got off of a really bad rollercoaster. he’s not even holding your hand you’re just hanging onto an unmoving, lifeless limb. maybe 6/10, cause he could be better in the supportive department but, at least he was quietly panicking. he does have a mini panic attack once his baby is in his arms though. like just starts hyperventilating. it’s okay though! it’s actually kind of cute <3

lev haiba; actually faints. not probably. he actually faints. like all 6′5 of him just drops onto the floor by your bed and you’re like ,,, damn, guess i’m doing this alone then. he wakes up and the first thing he sees is your baby crowning and he just faints again pls. someone has to be there with you, just like to help him to you. he cannot stand straight at all, he’s leaning on the bed the whole time. 5/10 because it genuinely makes you laugh it kind of makes the pain bearable. they have to get a chair in case he just falls back cause he’s just so dizzy pls.

━━ would be so fucking annoying. who the hell let them in this room? why did you agree to this? how are you going to raise a child with them? regrets. so many regrets. 

tanaka ryūnosuke; he’s like annoyingly scared. shut up and calm down for a minute i’m trying to birth your child here. swears so much like “holy shit holy shit that’s a big baby.” like pls you’re trying to push it out of you and he has the audacity to say shit like that? treats it like it’s some sort of volleyball match like he cheers whenever the doctor praises you. maybe a 5/10 cause he’s just annoying, but it’s motivating in a way. accepts any insult you throw at him too, like he’s so on board with it. “yes, i’m absolutely a piece of shit— what do you mean you’re not getting anywhere near my dick babe wait.”

bokuto kōtarō; listen :( you don’t want to think he’s annoying but he lowkey is. he’s trying his hardest to make this an easier experience for you but you just need him to be a little quieter. like this hurts bo, calm down please. you want to match his energy but it’s literally physically impossible. he’s an 8/10 though because you doubt it’d have been possible to go through it without him. bokuto’s incredibly ripped too so he lets you hang onto him and he holds you tightly too, like grips your hands and legs so strong that it’s v physically supportive too. 

kozume kenma; he’s so. quiet. like say something kozume. say anything. he’s just wincing and cringing. 4/10 cause where’s the emotion. lets you hold his hand, like wow you should be honored. insults you back if you insult him???? like what’s that about???? when he sees his baby he does like, sharply intake a breath or whatever cause he doesn’t want to cry but he’s really struggling not to, which is kind of cute you guess. films the whole thing and does like a peace sign with a very nonchalant face but he has a filter on and the filter scans your face too except you’re like screaming. actually a 3/10. 

sugawara kōshi; he’s incredibly supportive yes, but mans will be laughing at you. laughing. at you. probably films you and is like properly giggling and laughing boisterously. is so unfazed by anything and everything he sees. he would so easily be a 10/10 but he becomes a -1/10 just cause he’s an ass. definitely like is breathless and is so mind-blown when he sees his baby. just in awe and in shock that he laughs like, “we made that holy crap.” good to have in the delivery room because he does make the atmosphere easier and more lighthearted, but,,, at what cost? your sanity’s. 

suna rintarō; the amount of times you wanted to punch him you cannot count on your ten fingers. makes some sex joke about how you’re so stretched out. you literally want to deck him. films the birthing process and makes you watch the video when you’re not even done delivering the baby? cause he’s insane i guess? justifies it as “this is a reminder of how strong you are,” like shut up with your bullshit. it’s kinda smart tho cause you can pull this on your kid later but still. he’s so fucking annoying. if you hold his hand too hard he’ll be like “it can’t be that bad stop being such a baby,” and the baby is delivered like an hour early out of spite. a 6/10 tho cause somehow you love him and decided to have a baby with him. 

ushijima wakatoshi; pt.2 to say fucking something??? he’s mostly quiet cause he doesn’t really know what to say, and cause he’s never seen you in this much pain and it’s kind of shocking him. he’s not scared though, cause it’s like, a natural process of human life and the life cycle and all that stuff, he’s just like. taking time to process it. lets you hold his hand though. also if you wanna like give up halfway through he’s annoyingly angry with you like “no. you can’t just give up halfway. stop being a coward.” like why don’t you give it a try toshi??? a 5/10. could do better. 

terushima yuuji; so hyperactive that it’s infuriating. doesn’t even hold your hand, he just stands back and observes and like cheers. literally will jump every time you push, like what the fuck, my love? makes really weird comments like “what does it feel like? does it feel like you’re pooping?” like???? it feels like i’m being torn in half yu :D a 4/10 only cause when you ask if you can slap him he wholeheartedly agrees and the doctor cannot hold their laugh back. also definitely plays like the chika dance and makes the nurses do it with him. probably films a tiktok too. you’re going to kill him after. 

oikawa tōru; he’s trying so hard to be supportive and your backbone but he’s just so jittery and nervous. he’s not going to faint or get nauseous, but he literally cannot stay still. he’s so anxious it’s making you anxious. his hands are shaking when they grip yours, but honestly, completely unbiased of course, an 8/10, cause it really is so endearing. like he’s breathlessly and exasperatingly praising you and you can tell he’s near tears just gasping back sobs so ,,, maybe he’s not that annoying. but he is. he is annoying. a little. 

━━ would be the best of the best. perfectly supportive. a lovely anchor. not too quiet, not too chatty. is so soft and gentle with you. you fall in love with them all over again. 

miya osamu; definitely a 10/10. husband material. he has a cloth that’s just patting away at your sweat. kisses your hand and knuckles. soothingly rubs at your thighs. tells you you’re doing great, that it’ll all be worth it. kisses your forehead. grins at you halfway through when you need that extra motivation. literally all the nurses and the doctor are swooning over him. he’s very nervous deep down but he won’t show it, not for a moment, for your sake. 10/10. can’t stress this enough. 

kita shinsuke; another king! so soft with you when you feel like giving up. just speaks to you in hushed tones like, “you’ve come this far, lovely. you can’t back out now. think of all the happy moments we’ll get to share just a few hours from now.” and you’re like “alright i’m sold.” completely unfazed by anything he sees. okay maybe a little fazed but he just kisses your forehead after sneaking a peak and tells you you’re doing wonderfully. 100000/10. imagine him as the father of your children???? like literally who else would you want????

aran ojiro; wow another inarizaki i sense a trend. except atsumu he’s a pussy. cheers you on quietly, holds onto your legs, breathes with you, smooths your hair back, literally just an angel. if you take a small break he just spends it quietly talking with you to get your mind off the pain. his knuckles are just caressing your jaw and cheek softly till you’ve calmed down. 10/10 obviously. he’s just the right amount of loud supportive and quiet supportive. kisses you full on the mouth when he first hears his baby’s cries and can’t stop thanking you. literally wtf he’s so cute.

kuroo tetsurō; he’s actually surprisingly very serious when you’re delivering the baby. he’s cracking jokes and all before to try and get you less nervous but it’s actually because he’s freaking out. he’s mostly quiet, just holding onto your hand as tightly as you’re gripping his. he holds his breath every time you push. keeps whispering i love you and pressing kisses to your temple. a 9/10 cause he’s so quiet it’s a little scary but he cannot hold back his tears when he sees his baby. kisses you all over your face after. 

satori tendō; very emotional. like so emotional. he’s teary eyed the whole time, just thanking you even if you hadn’t given birth yet. it makes the nurses cry too cause it’s so lovely to see him get so visibly affected by this. he’s just whispering thank you’s and i promise not to let you down ever and i promise to love you forever and you’re pretty sure he’s speaking to the baby you’re birthing at this point. 9/10 cause he made you cry :( no but really he’s a 10/10. super loving, keeps asking you if you’re okay, if you need water, need to hold his hand, anything. angel, fr. 

matsukawa issei; relatively surprising as well because you expected him to be more than just annoying, but he’s just. in awe. he’s so amazed by how much you’re going through, and he just stores it in the back of his brain. literally thanks you for the next 50 years to come. laughs endearingly with you to lighten the mood. 9/10. a point is deducted because he jokingly said that now you’ll be able to take his dick really easily. a nurse choked in shock pls. gets real close after to whisper i love you so that only you can hear. he’s just a dream <3

━━ would not let you move an inch after giving birth. all the work is on them for the next 5 years. 

all of them. not a single one is left out in this one. they’re annoying but ,,, they all love very strongly <3

end note; listen idk what this is. i had a vision where iwaizumi could not handle his s/o giving birth and the thought was actually so sweet to me, just the nurses laughing at him and he’s just breathing deeply to try and not throw up and then. this happened. anyways. this helped put me in a better mood so i hope it does/did for anyone else too! 

[lostinthewiind]

Piss Off Your Parents - Part 9

Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu

Synopsis: freshly turned 18, you want to prove to your parents that you aren’t a child for them to push around anymore. First, get a job at the local corner store. Second, use the store owner’s 26-year-old son with piercings and a cigarette addiction to piss your parents off. Third, accidentally fall in love.

Rating: PG13

Warnings: arguing, harsh language, swearing

Song → 18 by Anarbor

Previous → Part 8

Next → Part 10

The trek up the stairs from the store to the apartment felt like climbing a never-ending escalator that was going the wrong way. After the day you had had, you were both mentally and physically exhausted and ready to call it a night early.

Thankfully, as if you had finally hit a stroke of luck that day, Keishin had texted you saying that he would pick up dinner on the way home, saving you the exertion of having to leave the apartment again. So, with that information in mind, you kicked off your shoes for the day and fell unceremoniously onto the couch in the living room.

As you sat down, you heard the envelope in your back pocket crinkle and the sudden noise seemed to completely fill the otherwise silent apartment.

Ah yes, the envelope.

Pulling the decision to your future out of your back pocket, you stared at it for what felt like another hour or so. No matter how long you held the envelope in your hands, you couldn't force yourself to open it. You simply didn't want to.

At some point between when your mother had handed it to you and now, you had subconsciously decided that you wanted to choose your own path forward despite what the decision letter may or may not say.

Feeling strangely empowered and confident, you stood to your feet and ventured into the bedroom where you slipped the envelope into one of the drawers Keishin was letting you keep your clothes in and tucked it underneath one of your sweaters. Maybe one day you would open the damn thing when whatever was inside wasn't weighing so heavily on your mind and future, but today was not that day.

Just then, you heard the front door open and knew Keishin had arrived home. Closing the drawer, you plastered a smile across your face and exited the bedroom to greet your boyfriend.

"Welcome home, Dear," you giggled, trying your best to fake the part of a doting housewife. "How was the volleyball game?"

Keishin chuckled softly as you took the takeout bags from him. "It was a close game, but they pulled it together in the last set and won."

"Oh, good!" You placed the bags onto the table before retrieving some plates and chopsticks from the kitchen.

"How was your day?" he asked as he pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek.

You sighed as you thought back on your day. "It was okay," you answered, not really wanting to go into much more detail than that. You doubted Keishin wanted to hear about your minuscule problems with rude customers after the long day he had clearly had.

Keishin, however, picked up on your uncertainty right away. "Doesn't sound okay," he commented. "Want to talk about it?"

You shrugged. "Just some shitty customers. Seems I had forgotten how poorly low-level workers are treated sometimes . . . just threw me a little," you said. "I'll be fine. Just glad the day is over now."

"You and me both." He flashed a smile as he turned to head for the bedroom. "I'm just going to change quickly and then we'll eat."

"Sounds good." You started dishing out some of the food. "I was also thinking we could watch a movie tonight as well. I could use something to clear my mind."

"Sitting on the couch with a beer is an ideal evening in my book," you heard him respond faintly from the bedroom. "There's a new action movie that came out. I think it's about-"

You waited for Keishin to finish his sentence, but when he didn't, you cocked your head and looked toward the bedroom doorway. Before you had the chance to call out to him, he appeared in the doorway shirtless, eyebrows furrowed and the envelope from the university in his hand.

"W-why do you have that?" you asked, the look on his face upon discovering the letter making your heart drop. "That was in my drawer . . . why were you going through my things?"

"I was looking for my sweater, the one you always steal," he answered. "Y/N . . . what is this?"

Rounding the table and approaching Keishin, you snatched the envelope out of his hand. "That is one of the many reasons why my day today was so shitty."

As you turned to head for the kitchen to toss the envelope in the garbage and rid your life of it, Keishin followed you. "You didn't get in?" he inquired.

You shrugged. "I have no idea. I didn't open it."

As you moved to toss the letter into the trash, Keishin grabbed your wrist and stopped you. "Why are you throwing it out if you didn't open it yet?"

"Because I don't care what it says. I've decided that I'm going to stay here with you and work at the store. This is the life I want . . . the life I get to choose for myself."

"You should still open it," he reasoned. "You might change how you feel about it when you see the result."

"I don't want to change how I feel about it." You shook your head as you gently pried your wrist out of his grip. "No need to make things more difficult than they need to be. I've had enough difficulty for one lifetime, thank you very much. This decision is easy, and best of all, it makes me happy."

Gesturing to the envelope, Keishin sighed. "But this is what you wanted. When you told me about your dream to play soccer at the University of Tokyo, your face lit up. Why are giving up on your dream before you've even given yourself a chance to experience it?"

"Dreams can change, Keishin," you told him before sighing and deciding to humour him for a moment. "Okay, let's say I open this letter and somehow did get in. What then? I couldn't pay for that school in my wildest dreams; not without my parents' help. Sometimes dreams are just childish and unrealistic. So I found a new dream, one with us living here together."

"You could apply for student loans. Tons of people do." He folded his arms across his chest. "I don't think this is about the money or your parents. I think this is about us. You've gotten comfortable here."

Throwing your hands up into the air in exasperation, you huffed. "And so what if I have? Is that really so bad?"

"I just don't want you to throw away an opportunity like this over me."

"Over you?" you cocked a brow. "Because you're, what, trash? Not worth it? A lowlife? A burnout?"

Keishin bit at his bottom lip. "You know what's not what I meant."

Inhaling deeply, you glared down at the god-forsaken envelope in your hand and began to tear at the top. "Let's not fight about something that probably isn't even going to happen." You pulled the letter out and unfolded it, your eyes scanning the text quickly. "The University of Tokyo is notoriously difficult to get into and I-"

Keishin quirked a brow when you stopped mid-sentence. "What does it say?"

A broken laugh was the only thing you could manage as you lowered the letter and shook your head. "Un-fucking-believable." You handed the paper over to Keishin, the edge crumpled from where your grip had tightened when you read the decision.

Keishin looked at the page for all of two seconds before he found the bolded 'Congratulations' and a huge grin spread across his face. "You got in!" He was way more excited than you were about this. "This is good news. You can play soccer at the University of Tokyo. Come on, you can't tell me this doesn't make you at least a little happy."

"I wish it did," you answered honestly. "I wish it were that easy."

"It is! It can be." Keishin set the letter down on the counter and took your hands in his. "Student loans, part-time jobs, it's all possible. Sure, it might be a little tricky to work out, but it's totally possible."

When you didn't respond, Keishin hooked his fingers under your chin and tilted your head up to look at him. "Accept the spot at the university. Follow your dream," he told you.

". . . but I'll have to leave you." You felt the words catch in your throat and tried your hardest not to start crying. "You make me happy—you're the first thing that's made me genuinely happy in a long time—and I don't want to leave that for a chance at something that might not even work out."

"But what if it does work out? You don't know that it won't," he said softly. "Don't end up like me, looking back at your past and wondering what might have been if you had just chosen a different path. I know this might seem good enough for now, but how will you feel after ten or twenty years of working the same dead-end job for the same shit pay all while getting treated like shit by people who look down on you? Look at how one day of catering to pretentious assholes made you feel. Do you really want to live the rest of your life like that?"

"But what about you?" you asked, your voice shaky.

Keishin dropped his head, a few stray strands of hair falling into his face. Unlike that morning, when he had been asleep with loose hairs in his face, he looked annoyed and frustrated now. The bags under his eyes and tension lines on his forehead were a stark contrast to the soft, peaceful face you had woken up to that morning.

"Don't throw this away over me," he repeated. "Don't throw your future away over a 26-year-old burnout."

Lip quivering, you sucked in a deep breath. "I thought you were different . . . but you're just like everyone else."

Keishin eyed you. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You said I should make my own decisions and live my life how I wanted but it was all a facade." You slipped your hand out of his and took a step back. "In the end, you're just like everyone else . . . you think you have a right to plan my future for me without giving me a say in the matter. You want to tell me how to live my life just like my parents."

"How could you say that?" Keishin almost snapped but managed to collect his anger before he did. "All I want is what's best for you."

You scoffed as you wiped a tear from your cheek. "If I had a penny for every time I've heard that I'd have enough money to pay for the University of Tokyo and then you'd get your damn wish . . . I'd be gone."

"When did I ever say I wanted you gone? Why are you so adamant that going to Tokyo means we can't be together?"

"Why are you so against just letting me make my own decision about this?! Why do I have to go to play soccer at that fucking university and leave you? I don't want to leave you!"

"Why not? Why are you so damn hung up on someone like me?!"

"Because I love you!" The two of you froze in place the second those words left your mouth. Chest heaving from the shouting and high emotions, you snapped your mouth shut before you said anything else in the heat of the moment.

Eyes wide, Keishin stared at you like a deer in headlights. "You what?"

You debated whether or not you should repeat what you had said, but by then, the damage had been done. "I love you," you breathed. "And I know you told me not to fall in love with you . . . but I did. I fell hard and fast and now I'm stuck in you and I cannot possibly leave you so please stop asking me to."

You waited for what felt like an eternity for Keishin to say something, say anything. He opened his mouth a few times like he was about to, but nothing ever came out.

"Keishin . . ." You took a cautious step forward. "Please say something."

Keishin swallowed hard before looking you directly in the eyes. "If I said I didn't love you back, would you go?"

You felt your heart crack and the sensation of being punched in the gut spread throughout your entire body. "Is that what you're saying? You don't love me?"

"If I didn't, would you leave?"

You inhaled sharply. "If you look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you don't feel the same way that I do; that everything over the past few months has meant nothing to you, there would be no possible way I could stay in Miyagi," you answered truthfully. "If you tell me that you don't love me and that you never have, I would have no reason to stay in this prefecture."

Keishin's lips parted once more. "Y/N . . . I-" His brown eyes locked onto yours and you could feel what he was about to say even though he never did. "I . . . I can't do this right now."

With that, he brushed past you, grabbed a sweater from the bedroom and threw it on before storming out of the apartment, leaving you and the now cold takeout food alone.

Tears in your eyes and a lump in your throat, you turned to look over your shoulder at the decision letter sitting on the counter, practically taunting you.

You should have thrown the thing out the second your mom dropped it off. Or better yet, maybe you should have never made that deal with Keishin and applied for the university in the first place.