#i still am uncertain who I want to romance

[littlegalerion]

Moon: *hasn't romanced anyone yet*

Gale: *falls in battle*

Moon: "I CAN'T GO ON WITHOUT YOU!"

Me:

[pascaloverx]

DANDELIONS

Summary: You are the new guest of the Bridgertons. Your mother, an old friend of Lady Violet Bridgerton, has requested that you spend a season at the Bridgerton house in hopes that you will change your perspective on true love and marriage. You are convinced that love is a fictional construct and that a marriage without love will be your downfall; but some time with the Bridgerton siblings might change your mind.

Author's Note: The characters belong to the Bridgerton universe and Julia Quinn. However, the story will have some changes from what happens in the Bridgerton series (2020-). Dear readers, this story may contain strong language and steamy romance scenes. It may even feature a love triangle. Be warned and enjoy the reading.

ONE THREE

TWO

The next few days at the Bridgerton house are chaotic yet incredibly fun. Between walks and conversations with Eloise, helping Francesca with embroidery during silent but very focused hours, and spending time reading with Colin, who introduced you to his favorite books and recommended others, you are quite busy. Every day you have tea with Lady Violet Bridgerton, who is enthusiastic about the idea of finding a suitor for you during the ball season. You try to share her enthusiasm, but the truth is that spending time with her family seems more adventurous than getting married. Today, for instance, you are taking Hyacinth and Gregory to pick some apples in the garden. In reality, Gregory wants to practice archery, and you think it would be a good exercise for the younger ones. Regarding the two older brothers, you have been avoiding them. It's not an easy task, but with Lydia's help, you have managed to escape any moments alone with them. You feel embarrassed for pretending to be hurt in front of one and for covering for the other. Daphne is the only one you have yet to meet, but according to the Bridgerton family, you will soon. Recently, Eloise introduced you to a close friend named Penelope. You found her to be very perceptive and kind, which is good since she seems to be part of the family, and you want to make a good impression.

"Lady Violet Bridgerton, I assure you that the three of us will be very careful while picking apples. When I was Hyacinth's age, it was my favorite pastime," you say as you finish adjusting your shoe. Lady Bridgerton still looks a bit concerned as she watches Hyacinth and Gregory run off with their bows and arrows. You smile, imagining how it will be to spend time with them.

"Believe me, dear, you will need someone to help you with those two," Lady Violet says, somewhat nervously. You look at her, feeling uncertain, and then you hear someone approaching the room where you are.

"I believe I can be of use as the older brother at this moment. I was just finishing up some financial matters, and it seems that fresh air will do us all some good," Viscount Anthony Bridgerton says, surprising you and Lady Violet. You know that Lydia will be joining you, but staying with him and the younger siblings seems like a risk.

"That won't be necessary, Viscount. There's no need to disrupt your busy schedule when I am more than capable of handling this task with my companion," you respond instantly, as if the answer were at the tip of your tongue. Anthony gives you a mischievous smile, indicating that he plans to accompany you anyway, which makes you feel a bit uneasy. Lady Violet, however, seems more relieved.

"Miss Y/L/N, forgive my frankness, but it seems that you do not desire my company. If that is the case, I would like to clear up any misunderstanding by reaffirming that I will be accompanying you and my siblings on this apple-picking outing," Viscount Bridgerton says assertively, taking a step closer to you. You stare at him, almost forgetting that there are others around you.

"Viscount, I can assure you that such an impression is a misunderstanding. I would never have any problem with your company. I simply would not want to disrupt the busy life of a Viscount, especially as a guest in his house." A lie on your part, as you really want to avoid spending time with Anthony. The Viscount Bridgerton is one of the most sought-after men in society. One wrong rumor about the two of you, and your mother would be demanding a wedding at Queen Charlotte's doorstep in a matter of minutes.

"Y/N, I can assure you that my son, busy as he may be, always finds time to spend with his siblings. You will essentially be helping him look after the younger ones. And certainly, my son will be honored by your company," Lady Violet says, lightly tapping her eldest son's arm as if expecting him to support her statement. Anthony nods slightly, as if in agreement.

"In that case, please join us, Viscount. Goodbye for now, Lady Bridgerton," you say, looking kindly at Violet and heading towards the exit of the house. Gregory and Hyacinth follow you while Anthony says something to his mother and then approaches you. Your companion, Mrs. Lydia, comes behind you silently. She seems to want to give you or Anthony space to talk. The two teenagers seem to be having fun walking among the trees.

"Miss Y/L/N, how long exactly do you intend to avoid me?" Viscount Bridgerton speaks near you, pretending to pay attention to something else so that Lydia doesn't suspect he's trying to talk to you.

"You don't need to pretend to be looking for bees among the flowers, Viscount Bridgerton. Lydia won't suspect you. As for your question, I think it's fair to say that given the nature of our last encounter, some distance seems plausible." You try to answer his question without really answering it. He smiles slightly, but it's a nervous smile. He watches the siblings ahead of us, while Lydia takes the opportunity to chat with the young Bridgertons.

"I wasn't pretending. A bee around here is too dangerous. But getting back to our main topic, I would like to apologize for the first impression I gave you," he says as if it were an obligation for him to say so, without truly wanting to apologize. You look at him, finding his pretense amusing.

"Apologies accepted, Viscount. Was that why you wanted to come with us? To apologize for your mistake?" You ask as you and Anthony walk side by side. Hyacinth and Gregory shout, calling for their brother and you as they find an apple tree.

"Not only to apologize for my mistake," Viscount Bridgerton clears his throat loudly, "but also to give you the chance to apologize to me." As soon as Anthony says this, you shoot an arrow accurately at one of the apples at the top of the apple tree that Gregory and Hyacinth are looking at. The two are pleasantly surprised and shout that your aim is great. However, Viscount Bridgerton seems to have become nervous, perhaps even a little irritated.

"Apologize to the Viscount for what reason?" You ask as you both stop walking and face each other. He seems indignant for some reason.

"For not behaving as a lady of your stature should. Surely you know you should have forced me to marry the young lady because of what happened. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to get married, and certainly not to you. I just think that in your place, I would be more concerned about this issue," Anthony says presumptuously, leaving you offended. You look him up and down and smile. He seems not to understand.

"Viscount, I must say that you seem to have misunderstood what happened. You intruded into a room designated for me, a lady. Yet somehow, you think I owe you something. Very well. I give you a warning: if a situation like this happens again, I will be your wife faster than you can pronounce Bridgerton." Your threatening tone seems to intrigue the Viscount.

"Is that a threat, Miss?" Viscount Anthony Bridgerton speaks as if surprised by the way you speak to him.

"The trick to hitting a target like that is to always have concentration and patience. A bit of determination is also appropriate." As you approach Gregory, who can't take his eyes off the arrow, you notice Anthony looking at you with a hint of mockery.

"I believe the young lady is mistaken. Hitting the target is about strength and often talent." You hear this and feel as if he is belittling your technique. So, you raise your bow and arrow in his direction, holding it out to the Viscount in front of you.

"Try to hit the target with your method then, Viscount. Let's see which one of us knows more about what we're talking about." You say, challenging him. He doesn’t hesitate to try to hit an apple almost in the same place you did. He is so sure he will surpass you that it's almost comical when his arrow hits an apple below yours. Gregory and Hyacinth are shocked while he shows no expression.

"Dear brother, I think Miss Y/L/N's method seems to be more effective," Hyacinth says with a humorous tone. Anthony looks annoyed.

"I want to try hitting the target using your tactic, brother," Gregory says as he grabs his own bow and arrow. Hyacinth laughs at him while he struggles to place the arrow on the bow.

"I actually prefer using Miss Y/L/N's tactic," Hyacinth says, showing you how quickly she can place the arrow on the bow. You guide her to focus on the target and tell her to think of something that makes her angry to make her more determined. You can hear Anthony assisting Gregory. Anthony and you exchange glances while helping the younger ones practice archery. Later, you all gather some apples together.

[waaterdeep]

It’s heartbreaking to me how easily Gale abandons his plans of becoming a god when you romance him, because it shows that he never actually wanted to become a god in the first place.

When you ask him how he’s feeling after discovering the crown of Karsus he tells you that he’s excited about what the crown could do to improve both of your lives. His plans aren’t clear but it’s obvious that he wants to use it for himself. Of course there’s some selfishness there, perhaps a desire to get back at Mystra, but there’s a good part of him that sees this as a way to impress you, to become worthy of you.

But to convince him to let go of the crown in Act 3 you simply need to tell him that he matters, that you love him for the man that he is not the god he wants to be. You need to convince him that he’s always been enough and that he always will be, so long as he stays true to who he is. And with high approval he accepts this without question. While he feels uncertain about putting all of his faith into one person, he’s still relieved and happy to do so.

You have opportunities before the Outer Planes scene to tell him that you care about him, most notably in Act 2, when you can tell him that you want to spend the night with Gale the man, that you don’t need him to wow you with cosmic sex. While this clearly means a lot to him it doesn’t translate as “I am exactly all that this person needs” in his mind yet.

But when you have the Outer Planes scene and he tells you of his plans, if you gently bring him back down to earth, kiss him and tell him he’s perfect, he’s wholly convinced. While Tara might have told him many times some variation of this, you are the first person, and most importantly the first lover, to tell him and show him. The fact that you met him with diminished powers and the Netherese orb and still fell in love with him speaks volumes.

It shows that his ambitions are not born from hubris, rather, from a profound insecurity that could only be the product of his defining of his life, his value, in relation to the literal goddess of magic and, obviously, falling short. Conjuring visions of Waterdeep and the Outer Planes, it’s all his way to convince you that he’s worthy of your affections, you who in most cases cannot do that at all. But he bases his worth completely upon his magical abilities, it’s no surprise then that magnifying them to infinite proportions is his way to remove his fear of losing you, since his greatest weakness, his humanity, is what drove his previous lover away from him.

And that’s absolutely heartbreaking.

[jellalism]

Wriothesley x GN!Reader fic: Aftermath

You were one of the members of the now-disbanded Beret Society. Now that it's all over, Wriothesley invites all the people involved to his office one by one, to apologize and offer what little comfort he can.

Word count: 1677

Genre: Comfort

Content warnings: Mentions of trauma (no details)

Notes: Reader is gender neutral. Relationship can be read as either platonic or as a budding romance.

Read below or on AO3.

Before the Beret Society debacle, you and Wriothesley were on amicable terms. Not quite friends yet, but there was a mutual interest. He’d strike up a conversation when he saw you sitting at the cafeteria or when you ran into him in the halls. He had even invited you for tea once — something that turned out to be a common interest. 

Then you joined the Beret Society, and it alienated you from the rest of the Fortress — including Wriothesley, your friend in the making. You wanted to talk to him, everyone in the Society wanted to talk to him in some sense, but no one had the guts or the clarity of mind. Telling the Duke everything that was going on was obviously the rational thing to do, but humans aren't as rational as they'd like to believe. A plethora of emotions is more often the root cause of actions they do or do not take. In this case, the prime emotion was fear. If the pay-off seems uncertain, and the price for failure seems infinitely steep, it is a scary thing to even consider taking that necessary action. And so everyone kept silent. You kept silent and kept your distance. 

But now, Wriothesley has finally solved the case. You sit in his office. Every victim of Dougier was invited individually. Not for a stern lecture, but for comfort and apologies. From those who had gone to his office before you, you have already heard that there would even be financial compensation for Wriothesley's "lapse in delivering justice swiftly".

One by one, everyone was called to his office. It had taken a long time before your name was called. In fact, to your surprise, you had been the very last. Does he not want to see you? He may be hurt by your sudden distancing when you joined the Society, you fretted. And once you sat down inside, your worrying didn’t stop. Thoughts still whirl inside your head.

Despite the couch's comfort, your body is tense. You don't lean back against the sofa; instead, you sit upright, hands on your knees, legs close together. As if trying to take up as little space as possible; as if the very room is pressing down upon you. Wriothesley had turned on some music earlier, but even the soft tones of the piano resounding through the office don't manage to put you at ease.

"What kind of tea do you want?" His voice pulls you from your reverie.

It takes a moment for the question to register, and then another moment before you start stuttering and mumbling "I-I don't k-know, whatever you w-want."

From the corner of your eye, you see him turn around and frown.

"I'll just make you that oolong tea from Liyue that seemed to be your favorite when we were..." — he seems to weigh his words carefully — "... talking more often."

He puts a teapot warmer on the table in front of you, lights the candle below it and places the pot on top. "Now, let's let it steep for a couple of minutes." He finally sits down next to you on the sofa, but still at a respectable distance.

"Let's talk.” He takes a deep breath. “I'd like to sincerely apologize for not recognizing sooner what kind of place the Beret Society was. It has done immeasurable harm to people, and as warden of this fortress, it is my duty to prevent such things from happening. I failed. I am sorry."

You can’t find a single word to say. What is this? You knew he'd apologize, but now that it's actually happening, a flurry of unexpected emotions overtakes you. Relief and confusion, fear and happiness. 

"If you want to talk about what happened, I'm here to listen. It’s the least I can do."

It’s the straw that breaks the Sumpter Beast's back. You cry. Not prettily; you bawl. The tension, built up over months, comes out all at once. You hide your face in your hands, trying to somewhat lessen the sound of your sobs, but it's to little avail. Suddenly, you feel a hand on your shoulder. Wriothesley’s hand seems hesitant, as if he's afraid to touch you. But his voice is soft and comforting: "You can cry as much as you like. It's okay. I'll be your shoulder to cry on."

You bridge the distance between you and him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. After a moment, he wraps his arms around you.

"It's okay, I'm here now. Everything is going to be alright."

You let the tears come. For several minutes, you sit like this, his warm arms wrapped around you. Then, finally, you untangle yourself from his embrace. "It was terrible." Your voice is soft and shaky, but the words come out. Wriothesley listens attentively while he pours tea and hands you a cup.

"To have that stuff injected, it's just... the worst possible nightmare."

"Mm-mm."

"And even when it's over, it's not really over. The memories are there and the fear still runs through my veins, like my whole body is riddled with it, like my whole body isn't my own, like it's possessed by an evil spirit that—" You bite your lip trying to hold back the tears.

Wriothesley's arm wraps around your shoulders again. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop it sooner. But I'm here now. You're safe. I'll do whatever I can to make you feel safe again. You won't live those nightmares again."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry I took my distance from you, I just—"

"Hey." He places a finger on your lips. "None of this is your fault. Don't apologize."

"But I must've hurt you!" Your voice is barely more than a whisper, but your heart seems to scream it out.

"Well, I can't deny that I was a little disappointed to see you take your distance. But I didn't want to force you to hang out with me, so I just let it be. But that last time we spoke, even though you seemed glad about your membership in the Society, I thought I saw a glimpse of fear flit behind your eyes. In truth, that's what brought me to investigate. To make sure you really were in a good place."

You stay quiet for a moment. Wriothesley did that... for you?

"In that sense, you were instrumental in solving this case. I wouldn't have been on the trail otherwise."

“Thank you.” Your voice is barely audible. 

“It’s my duty and my pleasure to take care of you. It’s my job as the warden of the Fortress to make sure everyone is safe, but it’s my desire to see to your safety specifically. I’m fond of you.” He softly squeezes your shoulder reassuringly. “If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know.”

You want to speak but are a little nervous. Wriothesley notices. “Whatever it is that’s on your mind, just speak.” His tone is almost commanding, but not unpleasantly so. It’s just the push you need to speak.

“If possible…” You swallow and gather the courage to continue the sentence. “Can we stay like this a little longer? I felt so lonely for so long… I need to feel someone's warmth beside me.” 

Wriothesley grins. “Why did you think you were the last person I called to my office? I have no other things to take care of today, so you can stay as long as you like.” 

“Thanks,” you murmur and snuggle next to him, careful not to spill the tea you’re holding. You take a sip. It’s as good as you remember, and you close your eyes in relaxation. Wriothesley knows how to make tea the right way.

“You really do have good taste,” he says softly. You open your eyes and find him, too, sipping from his own cup. “Oolong is a tea I don’t often have by myself, but maybe I should.” 

“Right?” Some amusement creeps back into your voice. It’s been a long time since that last happened. “It’s such a unique taste. It’s simultaneously delicate and strong.” 

“Like you, then.” He smiles. 

“I—… What?” You look at him in shock, while his smile turns into a genuinely joyful laugh. 

“It’s good to see you flustered like this! I like it! But” — his tone turns more serious — “it’s also true. I know you’re hurt. What you went through is horrible. Unspeakable, in more than one sense of the word. But I have full faith that you’ll get back up. You’re strong like that.” 

“Am I, though?” you whisper to yourself without thinking. 

Despite speaking so softly, Wriothesley still catches your words. “I believe you are.” His words are simple, but he speaks it with such certainty and authority that you are tempted to believe him. “And if you ever feel like you can’t take it anymore, I’ll be here for you. You don’t have to walk the path to recovery alone.”

Instead of speaking, you rest your head against him and close your eyes. You’re tired. You hadn’t realized it earlier, but speaking with Wriothesley, crying against him, shaking, letting go of all the tension… You’re exhausted. And he’s so comfortable. His arm is still wrapped around you. It makes you feel warm and safe. 

“Tired, huh? Rest as much as you need.” 

The scent of the tea, the soft fabric of the sofa, the piano piece on the gramophone, Wriothesley’s strong arm around you, and the warmth he emanates — they all lull you into the most peaceful sleep you’ve had in months. 

***

As you fall asleep, Wriothesley carefully takes the cup from your hands, still half full. He looks at you with a smile. They’re so cute. For a long time, he gazes at your sleeping form leaning against him. Then, with his free hand, he grabs a book that is, fortunately, within arm’s reach. He’s willing to stay here for a few more hours if it helps you rest, body and soul. 

[outsideratheart]

Can I Ask You a Question? (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: Chapter 3 in the Legacy Series

The sun shon down on the beach in Ibiza. The heat along with the smell of the sea was enough to make you forget about the past and the future. For the past 4 days you had been in the present and it made you feel more at ease than you had done in months. A couple of nights ago you had bumped into some of the Barcelona girls and in Jill’s slightly drunken state she had invited them over to your house for food and drinks. This is something you didn’t fight, in fact you encouraged it stating that you will set up the entire night. All the Spaniards had to do was show up.

Alexia had reached out after the World Cup final and the two of you had been talking ever since and much to your surprise football didn’t get brought up once. It did however bring up feelings that you feared would come but you couldn’t blame yourself the woman was beautiful and getting to know her on a personal level only added to your crush.

“Y/N!” You heard Daan shout from up at the house.

The villa you were staying in was beautiful and owned by a family friend. It had everything you needed: several bedrooms, a huge pool and a private beach. You really had no reason to leave but there’s no way you can come to Ibiza and not venture out to experience the electric night life.

“Coming!” You unbury your feet from the sand before making your way to the house so you can get ready.

Choosing an outfit proved to be a difficult choice. Alexia, in her nervous state, had messaged you earlier in the day asking what she should wear. A couple of hours later she sent you a photo of a dress. It was simple yet you know it would take your breath away once you saw her in it.

As you looked through your wardrobe, which was full, you felt like you had nothing to wear.

You stormed into Jill’s room in frustration. The blonde only laughed at your child like behaviour before reaching into a shopping bag. She help up an olive green silk dress with a low cut front which was borderline on being too low.

“I saw this when we went into town earlier. I thought it would suit you and it will be sure to drive any woman wild, especially Catalonians who you may or may not have a crush on”

“Can you blame me? Alexia is hot, like really hot”

Jill may not have mentioned her name but she saw the way you watched the Spanish woman dance when you bumped in them the other night. She would say you had heart eyes but they were full of lust.

“I thought you weren’t the type to have flings”

“I’m still not”

“Not even a little holiday romance”

“That’s not who I am and you both know that it’s not like I can sleep with her here and not face the consequences when the season starts”

“Wait! What!”

You had been so careful to keep you mouth shut and having told Jill out of all people might come back around to bite you in the arse.

“I mean it could do, if I decide to go there”

Silence filled the room for all of five seconds before Jill changed to the subject and showed you what she planned on wearing for the night. You could only hoped she believed your cover and if not you prayed to the higher powers that she keeps her mouth shut but you knew it was a gamble because Jill had no filter when she drank.

Alexia took one last look in the mirror as she gave herself the once over for the fifth time in last ten minutes. Whenever she came to Ibiza in the past her main aim was to relax and recover in anticipation for the upcoming season but tonight she was willing to let go and have fun. She wasn’t sure what the future held and knowing that this might be the last night she saw you for some time she was planning on making the most of it.

“Ale! do you want a dri—“ Leila comes barging in the room, stopping in her place as she sees her friend standing in the corner, a little uncertain of herself.

“Is it too much?” Alexia felt a little insecure, it wasn’t everyday that she dressed like this.

“Not at all” Leila walked towards her “You look beautiful Alexia. I’m not saying you are but if you are dressing to impress a certain someone then I think this will do the trick”

“You think?”

Leila didn’t tease her captain for admitting she wanted to impress you although she didn’t mentioned you by name. This was uncharted territory for her best friend.

“I know so. Speaking of the Dutch, well not really but still. Lieke has just text me saying that they will be ready in half an hour and for us to get there in about an hour so that the chef can prepare the food”

“Chef?”

“It seems Y/N is pulling out all of the stops. It’s almost like she wants to impress us” Leila raised her eyes playfully and Alexia knew exactly what she was insinuating.

“Leila please do not mention it tonight” it was a warning and Leila showed her understanding by pretending to zip her lips.

You were speaking to the chef when you heard the front door open. You couldn’t know for sure who it was but the butterflies that had suddenly formed in your stomach was a good indication. When you entered the outdoor area which had the makeshift bar, the sight in front of you filled you with happiness. The Dutch and the Spanish together, acting like they were old friends reacquainted.

“Bienvenidos” you join the now double in sized group of football players although only one player has acknowledged your presence.

“Gracias para la invitación” Alexia hands you a drink. She senses your hesitation due to not knowing what was in the glass “I saw Lieke make it”

You were in the clear. The drinks Lieke made are safe, you can have a few and still stand. You other team mates on the other hand well they preferred alcohol percentage over taste.

Not before long you were called over for dinner. The long table held just enough seats to fit everyone and unlike the other nights spent at it, you choose against sitting at the head of the table. Whether it was on purpose or not, one side held the Dutch and the other sat the Spanish with Alexia sitting directly opposite you.

At first you thought the language barrier might be an issue but you soon find that everyone has agreed to speak English, as broken as it may be. The first course is served and the whole table settles into a comfortable silence as they savour the meal prepared for them.

“What?” You whisper as you see Alexia looking at you whilst she takes a sip of her wine.

“Nada, I mean nothing” Alexia corrects herself but the smirk that tugs at her lips lets you know her mind is far from being empty.

That’s how the next half an hour or so went. You and Alexia stole glances when you thought the other wasn’t watching only to get caught in the end. It filled your head with thoughts that you had tried to bury deep over the past couple of days or if you’re being honest ever since you met her at the seaside restaurant in Barcelona. Now whilst her execution was poor that night, she did show just how much she want you to play for Barcelona and her clear passion for the team reminded you of that same passion your father had.

You were in the middle of a stare off, the only words spoken with your eyes. Oh her eyes, the hazel orbs which looked perfect as the sun hit them at the right angle.

“Señorita Cruyff” a member of the chef’s team politely taps you on your shoulder.

You couldn’t know for sure how long she had been standing there or if she had been trying to get your attention but the look of the other women at the table told that this wasn’t the time time she had called your name.

“¿Quieres más vino con el plato principal?”

All eyes are on you with your Dutch team mates not knowing what the woman was saying and the Spanish waiting to jump in.

“Sí. Por favor traiga lo que recomienda”

And with that the woman leaves you be but when you turn your attention back to the table you are met with eyes that hold something you don’t recognise. They had never heard you speaking Spanish before and even though you had a Dutch accent when you spoke Dutch and English, the Spanish one you had when speaking Spanish was almost native.

“I forgot she’s Spanish” Patri explains your fluent Spanish to her friends.

Whilst Patri was correct you always saw yourself as Dutch because that is where your family is from. The only time your place of birth got brought up was when you were chosen to play at a senior national level. You had only ever played for The Netherlands youth team but when the time came to chose a senior team Spain came calling but it never got passed a phone call. Your father played for the Netherlands and so would you, there was nothing more to discuss.

“She’s Dutch” Jill corrects her “it’s bad enough you get to play with her all season, you don’t get to have her for international break too” she says the last part under her breath but you still can’t believe she said it out loud at all.

“Jill!” You scold her hoping that only you and her had heard what she said.

“Sorry”

Just like the rest of the night you turn you attention back to the person sitting opposite you only to find her watching but hopefully not listening to the discussion taking place between you and your best friend.

In a split second you decide the best approach is to imagine that she was none the wiser.

“You seem to be having a good time in Ibiza” with anyone else this could be classed as small talk yet with Alexia it didn’t feel this way.

“I always do. My favourite day so far have been the boat trip we went on yesterday”

“Those are my favourite days too”

“Yeah Y/N loved the photos you posted it. She was a big fan of your bikini” Daan added from her place down the table.

A deep blush flushed your cheeks as you get all but outed by the brunette. Your trail of thought shifts as you remember the photos in question, there were five in total but it was the third one that caught your eye the post. Alexia posed against the railings of the boat wearing nothing but a bikini. The way she posed showed off her toned body enough to fill your mind with less than innocent thoughts.

“You did?” Alexia, for the first time since meeting you, felt like she had the upper hand.

“The bikini—it erm—verdomme“ you finished what was left in your wine glass “You looked hot, beautiful in fact”

You could tell the entire table was enjoying seeing you flustered but you wasn’t a fan. Not when the woman who played a huge part, yet did very little, was sitting in front of you. Wanting to remove yourself from the centre of attention you stand to leave but Alexia reaches over the table and grabs your hand.

“You can’t leave now. The main course is coming” Alexia used her other hand to point behind you where low and behold there was in fact servers bringing out the next course of food.

Vulnerable. That is how you felt as you ate your food. Alexia was now aware how you saw her, you only found a little bit of peace knowing that she didn’t know just how beautiful you found her.

Once all courses had been served and dated you politely excused yourself making sure to take your glass of wine with you. You wasn’t exactly sure where you were going but you knew that the glass of red would be needed.

Alexia watched as you walked away. At first she thought you would go back into the house for whatever reason but instead she sees you walk towards the edge of the grounds the house sat on, unaware of what it lead to.

She tried to include herself in her friends, and yours, conversation but it was to no use. Her focus remained on you even though you were no longer in site. There was a lot she wanted to say to you, even more so with what she had learnt in the last hour or two. When the barcelona captain sees one of the bartenders bringing out the last couple of bottles of wine she is quick to swipe one and go in search of you.

There was something about water that made you happy. Maybe it had something to do with memories of walking along the canals of Amsterdam with the your father when you would take the family dog for a walk or how the entire Cruyff family could spend the whole day at the beach in Barcelona yet still want to go back and do it all over again the next day. As you got older you came to the conclusion that it’s because the ocean makes you feel small and it puts your life into perspective. You would spend hours looking out at the never ending water whilst letting you mind run wild.

“Care for a top up?” The voice makes you jump but your heart beat soon returns to its natural pace when you see the who had spoken.

“Please” you hold your empty glass up.

Alexia uses the action as a way to sit next to you without it being a big deal. The two of you slip into a silence with the only audible sound coming from your friends back at the house.

“So I’m beautiful huh?”

You let out a groan at Alexia’s teasing because that’s what is was and you both knew it.

“Can we please talk about something else?”

“We could talk about what Jill said?”

“I take it back. I’d rather talk about your beauty”

Funnily enough Alexia didn’t have much to say at your compliment. When you said she was beautiful at the table she thought it was just something you said to please the table but now it was just the two of you, surely you meant it.

“Can I ask you a question?”

You hesitantly nod.

“Have you talked to anyone about it?” She needed need to be specific, you knew what she meant by it.

It was a good question. Apart from Aitana, you hadn’t really talked to anyone about your move. You knew that you could trust Lieke but she played for Barcelona and as your best friend you thought she would be biased but at the same time no one knew more about your struggles. You didn’t want to talk about moving to Barcelona with your family but the reasons why you didn’t want to would only bring up emotions that you had all tried desperately to bury as unhealthy as that may be.

“I’ll take that as a no”

You took a large sip of your wine before you try to explain the thoughts that have been keeping you up at night.

“It’s hard”

“When you came to the match it —“

“Was the first time back since it happened, yes” by cutting her off you stopped her from saying the words.

You could already feel your breathing building at a rapid pace and like any other time this happened you hands began shaking in suit although you had learned to control that or hide it, at least that’s what you thought. When you feel Alexia take your hand in hers you realise that it must have been obvious.

“The club meant a lot to him and I don’t think I could handle—“

“The pressure” now it was Alexia who attempted to finish your sentence only she got it all wrong.

“His presence”

“I lost my dad a few years ago” Alexia knew that she was asking you to open up to her, someone who was closer to a stranger than she was a friend. Hopefully if she shared a little bit of her pain that you would feel comfortable to do the same “I know I don’t wear his name on the back of my shirt but it is his family name that gets said when I win an award. I understand what it’s like to live your life hoping to do someone proud when they can never tell you themselves”

“He always wanted me to play for Barcelona. He said that is where I will play the football that I am destined to play”

“I think he’s right” Ever since the meeting where she learned you would be leaving Ajax she couldn’t help but think about what the two of you could achieve together. The team was a perfect fit for you but she couldn’t make you move there. Right now she would settle for being your sounding board.

“Of course you do. If he is right and I do what he wanted then I come to Barcelona. That has been you aim from day one” the look you give Alexia lets her know you are playing and trying to get a rise of our her yet she cannot help but bite.

“I was out of line but I can’t sit here and say that I don’t want to come play for us because that would be a lie. This is your decision and you have to do what is best for you. I know that whenever I go back to Mollet my heart is heavier and I can’t imagine facing that everyday but I know what it’s like. The thing about Barcelona is we aren’t only a team, we are a family. You will never be alone on your bad days, I know this because I never am”

“Alexia” you could feel your nose begin to tingle as your emotions rose to the surface. In this moment she wasn’t appealing to the player, she was talking to Y/N the girl whose heart broke in 2016 and had been in pieces ever since.

“I have an idea” Alexia eyes light up “I leave Ibiza the day after tomorrow and I have a couple of days before we need to prepare for the WICC cup in Portland, I’m guessing you have a few days left off too. Come to Barcelona, don’t tell anyone but come. I’ll show you around and give you a taste of what life could be like off the pitch because that is when you will really see the city”

The Catalonian waited in anticipation, worrying that she may have crossed a line but she couldn’t help herself. The thought of you moving to Barcelona felt more like a reality and to say she was excited would be an understatement.

“Can I take a rain check?”

You physically saw her face drop in disappointment.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I got ahead of myself, I shouldn’t have said anything. I think it’s best I leave” Alexia hastily stood up. She was embarrassed and didn’t want to stick around to face a rejection.

“Alexia” you stood up just as quick as she did and grabbed her hand, stopping her from walking any further “I have to go home to Amsterdam tomorrow. I have some meetings that I cannot reschedule but I would love to see Barcelona though your eyes whether I move or not”

Not only had you given Alexia something to look forward to. You had told her that you wanted to see her again regardless of your decision and that was enough to make the risk of opening up to you worth it.

The two of you finish the bottle of wine whilst admiring the view before rejoining your friends who in your absence had managed to drink the left over wine and move onto the cocktails and shots. Yet another moment where you shown a scenario that could become a regular occurrence.

You left Ibiza the following morning lighter than you had felt in months because the impending question of Barcelona or Arsenal was no longer looming over you.

A decision had been made.

[acourtofthought]

I have no doubt that Lucien loved Jesminda with his entire heart. But in romance books, the author does typically want to write the endgame pairing in a way that lets readers know that their story is the ultimate love, something that could not have even been topped by a characters first love. I sometimes think on how SJM will go about convincing both Elain and the readers that Elain is his soulmate and not only because they share a bond but because of who Elain is as an individual and why she as an individual is everything he could want, why even if Jesminda were alive he would still choose Elain (something I do think Elain might have fears over). It's easy to see why Graysen was never going to be right for Elain, the red flags were already included in ACOMAF for us but Jesminda is on a pedestal for us, her death truly seems a tragedy for Lucien. However........ "She had teased him taunted him - seduced him so thoroughly that he hadn't wanted anything but her."

"She had chosen him."

I wonder if there is something in those lines because Lucien spent his youth being tormented by both his father and his brothers, he was clearly unwanted by 7/8th of the people around him and the one who loved him (the LoA) did not seem to have enough agency to prevent what was done to him. Lucien loved Jesminda, no doubt, but is she who he would have chosen for himself? We aren't given hints that he was initially drawn to her, we're told she was drawn to him. Was he overwhelmed by the fact that someone made him their priority, that they wanted him and him alone when he had spent so much time being unwanted and that is why he dove into their relationship with his whole heart? Jesminda was his escape from a terrible life and I can understand why he put his everything into it, she would have been the brightest light in the darkness. He would have been willing to leave everything behind for her, the court, his title, but that's because those things were his curse. Had he loved his court, his family, his brothers, would he have still been willing to leave that all behind for a female who was too wild and free to remain trapped in a life with structure and expectation?

I realize it's important for Elain to choose Lucien but I think it's important for Lucien to also choose someone who hasn't made it easy for him. He did not have to put effort into Jesminda to win her heart, Jesminda made her intentions very clear and all Lucien had to do was say yes. He was able to easily find female companionship even after that (though it's evident he never opened himself up emotionally to any of them). So yeah, I think the Elucien stalemate is actually a good thing for Lucien because it shows that he longs for Elain even when she does not seem to be reaching out to him, is not chasing him. She is not his current escape from sadness, from loneliness and he's not clinging to her because it's the one good thing in his otherwise uncertain life. He still wants her despite the fact that she's part of the reason he is struggling (the hallmark of all epic love stories, am I right?). Lucien has suffered in his life, no doubt. But he has never suffered for a female to earn her love and that is the one thing that Elain can believe in if she's ever in doubt as to his desire to be with her. She is the one person who he wanted regardless of what she felt for him. She is the one person who he waited for, regardless of how long it took. She is the one female who didn't fall at his feet, making it easy for him which is proving to the reader that he would stand by her side through the highs and the lows and I hope we'll find that it's because of who Lucien has seen Elain to be and how she is exactly who he would have chosen for himself.

[taeyamayang]

MINE.

❀ MSBY sakusa kiyoomi x fem!reader

❀ themes/tags: fluff | romance | i was having a brainrot im sorry | timsekip! | established relationship | friends to lovers

ㅡsakusa kiyoomi loves in private but that doesn't mean he's afraid to show you off.

not proofread. forgive me if there are mistakes will fix them soon. also, it's my first time to write for him agh!

you arrived a bit... early.

apparently from your standpoint which is the entrance of the arena, your claim is simply an understatement. you are the first person to arrive. as a matter of fact you're the first person in line for ticket check.

"are you...(y/n)?" the staff controlling the line to the entrance has taken interest in your identity rather than your ticket in his hand.

"yes. why?" you ask, uncertain of how he knows your name.

"hm, i need you step aside for a moment." he shoots you a small smile before turning his head to where other staff are gathered. he shouts. "someone call Sato, he needs to assist a lady right here!" the group of staff nodded before briskly walking away.

you observe the ticket master takes, rips, stamps a logo on a person's inner wrists, and gives their tickets back precisely like he has done this for years. he didn't question any of them, heck he didn't even spare more than a second looking at their faces unlike what he did to you which brings you in wonder.

"am i in trouble?" you ask.

"no." he side glances you for a moment before returning his focus back to his job.

"then why am i being on hold?" you didn't want to irk him by asking too many questions but he's isn't supplying you with answers that will keep you at ease.

he halts mid-air, holding a stamp in hand as he looks at you with a confused face like you uttered a statement that was too far-fetched.

"he didn't tell you?" he cocks a brow before pressing the stamp on the skin of the person waiting in line. his eyes still on you.

"who's 'he'?" the more you question the deeper the crease between his eyebrow becomes.

are you supposed to know everyone in this arena? sure, you have watched games here a couple of times but that doesn't mean you know everything that goes on in their system. he could at least let you on with a bit of information.

the ticketing master shifts his vision to the person approaching behind you. he hums.

"hm, worry not. sato's here. he will assist you inside." you don't even know who sato is but you nodded like you understood what he met. he speaks to the boy catching his breath. "she's (y/n)."

"yes! i know her face. he made sure i remember her." the man wearing a laced id with his last name, Sato, printed on it chuckles. at the corner of his laminated identification card is a job title.

"VIP staff" you read with your eyes.

"I'll lead you to your seat." Sato gestures you follow him inside.

without saying a word, even though you're dubious of what is going on, you trail behind him. he walks down a fleet of stairs, looking through his shoulder from time to time to check you.

he stops right before the barricade separating the blue and red chairs. the blue chairs dominate the arena. it's tiered starting from the barricade to the exit doors while the red chairs are numbered. it is in equal footing with the floor of the court, placed right next to the team's corner.

"you can choose whatever seat you want but i suggest you go for the one over there. that's the nearest seat to MSBY and the view there is amazing." sato directs you with full smile.

"there must be a mistake. i have a regular ticket." you decided to speak up, showing him your stub but he waves it off.

"everyone gets a regular ticket whether you buy it online or over the counter. the red chairs or the vips are per request." as sato explains the more confused you get.

"i didn't request a vip seat." you reply.

"yes, you didn't but MSBY Sakusa did." As he mentions your boyfriend's name your lids peel off and gradually everything make sense.

"i didn't know." you said in a hushed tone.

"oh! it must be a surprise!" sato claps his hands enthusiastically but you, on the other hand, is horrified of the situation.

your eyes scan the vip section only to recognize a couple of faces. celebrities, influencers, bloggers, daughters from prominent families, and so on. and you look at yourselfㅡplain white shirt tucked in a high waisted jeans. slung over your shoulder is a signature bag that took Sakusa ages for you to accept. a bag priced thrice as a regular one is a no-no for you but your boyfriend argued that it's reasonable because it's your first birthday with him (although, you have spent countless birthdays with him it was as a friend and not as a lover. he thought dating you will give him the right to spoil you with gifts). you are not prepared for this situation. you wish you pulled your best top out of your closet or caked your face with make up.

"make yourself comfortable, i'll be at entrance C if you need anything." Sato says as he walks back up.

"wait, Sato." you stop him and he turns. "is it okay if i move seats and by that i mean up there, in those blue ones?" sato pauses for a moment before he replies.

"course! you can take whatever seat you want." he offers you a gentle smile before walking out.

knowing that famous individuals that will sit next to you gives you anxiety. you don't want to be put alongside with people whom you constantly feel like you have to adjust yourself just so you could appear admirable in their eyes. you wish to spare yourself of headache. albeit, all you want to do is to enjoy you boyfriend's game and cheer for him.

with much thought, you make your way up to the blue seats. you settle in the last seat in a row and immediately pulls your phone out of your pocket. you snap a picture of the court from where you are and sends it to your boyfriend. you type in "here." before clicking send.

a few seconds to a minute, a check appears next to your message. a note that tells you he has seen it. you didn't bother waiting for his reply as you already that at this point he and his team are preparing for the match. so, you zip your phone in your bag and relax your back on the seat.

a chattering noise accompanied by steps coming from the stairs is heard as two girls wearing a Bokuto and Sakusa jersey appears. they sit next to you, giddy about the upcoming match. the other girl which is sitting farther from you notices you.

"who are you cheering for?" she asks, cheeks turning red the moment you met eyes with her. she's probably hesitant to start a conversation with a stranger but since you're stuck with them (because you're sitting in the last seat of the row) she ought to make friends with you.

"MSBY." you simply state.

"who in MSBY?" she asks.

"Sakusa Kiyoomi." the other girl turns and instantly her face lights up at the mention of her idolㅡobviously, as she's wearing his jersey.

"Oh my god! you like him too?!" she gasps, leaning to your side.

"like" is a funny word. you don't just like him, you are in love with him. you have loved him for years even before he became a professional volleyball player. you were his friend and ally, mostly when you join forces into jesting or pushing other people's buttons. your admiration for him goes beyond Sakusa as a volleyball player. you like him as the person you share breakfast with or the grumpy old man he turns to when the room gets too messy to his liking. you like him when he's unable to decipher how to bake a chocolate cake or how to callout a neighboor that's too loud. you like him in many ways others couldn't.

nonetheless, you nod to the girl and as she squeals her friend taps on her shoulder as she points to the court. "they're here!"

both you and your boyfriend's fan turn your eyes to where she is pointing. there you see his team walking from the dugout. you spot him behind the three: hinata, bokuto, and miya. contrary to the three men who never run out of energy, he walks behind them calmly almost like he's bored. as soon as he steps in the court his eyes scan the audience.

he's looking for you.

he squints to search for your face and when his piercing eyes sees you, you swear to the sky and below that you felt your whole body shiver in fear. he tilts his head to the side as he narrows his eyes at you then he jogs his way to the team's coach. they exchanged a few words and after a nod from his coach, he's on his way to you.

your throat runs dry when his long legs skip the barricade separating the court and the red seats and the red seats to the blue seats. the two girls next to you jumps in their seats in excitement as they watch Sakusa climb the stairs towards their direction.

you turn your head to the side, away from the stairs and to the two girls with owl-like eyes anticipating the volleyball player. you cover your pathetic face with one hand and after a while you feel a daunting presence next to you. he didn't do anything, he just stands and looks at you through his bottom lashes.

"hey, hey, MSBY Sakusa is here! i thought you like him? come on this is a one time opportunity!" the girl next to you wearing your boyfriend's jersey scream-shouts. thanks to her support now you're melting in embarrassment.

Sakusa clears his throat and it's about time for you tear your hand away from your face. you shoot him a sheepish smile as his brows meet at the center of his forehead.

"why are you sitting here?" your voice hitches as his cold tone reaches you.

"i, uh... heh." you purse your lips into a tight smile.

"did sato not assist you? i made sure he remembers your name and face. i reserved a seat for you at the vip section." he arches a brow. at this point, the two girls next to you are watching the events unfold with their mouths hanging. they didn't expect this at all, and it's clear with how they look.

"listen, omi. i don't want to sit there." your mention of his first name, no, his nickname had the girl sitting next to you gasp loudly in shock. her friend cupped her hand over her mouth to stop her.

"and why?" sakusa challenges as he bends his back down to match with your height. he anchors his hand on the backrest of the seat in front of you and the other on your seat. you are completely caged, trapped between his spreadout arms.

"i don't want to sit next to celebrities looking like this! we both have many things in common but we surely share the same level of hostility towards people, especially famous entitled ones. you know this."

the amphitheater is beggining to swarm with people. you and sakusa have gained a number of head turns and even some of them took a quick photo of him. the least you want right now is attention but your conversation with your boyfriend isn't ending any time soon.

"i don't even know who those celebrities are." He pauses, then adds. "i want to see your face up close when i play, baby." he never calls you with that pet name, ever. not in public places, not in front of friends, but always when he needs something from you.

"baby, can you cook me dinner?"

"you look so good. do you have spare time, baby?

"oh, come on, baby, cuddle with me won't you?"

it's totally fine when it's just the two of you in a room but when he says it with ears nearby you can't help but succumb to his request just to end the embarrassment. when he sees you slowly sinking into your seat, he already knows.

he has won.

sakusa offers a hand to guide you to the vip section but you look at him, head slowly shaking to the sides.

"you don't have to do that."

"i insist." a cheeky grin plays on his lips as he continues. "quick, you don't want everyone's eyes on us, don't you?"

hence, with a long sigh and a quick grab on his hand you flees you out of your seat like a knight saving his princess. you give the two kind girls a swift nod as a way of saying goodbye and in return they stick their thumb out, eyes still wide as a deer in headlights.

as you tail behind sakusa with your hands intertwined, you pull him back gently so he can stop and wait for you.

"you're doing this on purpose. you're enjoying my flustered face. i know you, omi." you say through your teeth and for the nth time today he catches you off guard by leaning in to the side of your face. he turns his head towards you just enough for you to feel his lips brushing against your ears.

"let me show you off." he whispers.

"i thought you said you hate attention." you reply, swallowing in air as you feel a growing grin against the shell of your ears.

"i do but i'm letting them know you're mine."

title's not the best lol but thanks for reading! hope ya like it ;)

masterlist | hq.list

[bvidzsoo]

Nowhere we won’t go

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Warning: violence, murder, blood, some swearing

 Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x female reader

 Word count: 27, 401

 Summary:  Life had mysterious ways of working, and it took you off guard when you lost your best friend to a ruthless criminal. No one knew who did it, the whole town was in terror. However, it didn’t stop there, more people were dying and your suspicions of the murderer started raising. Could it really be your boyfriend?

 A/N: Hiii lovelies! I’m back from the dead lol. College always takes a tool on me, so I barely have inspiration to write nowadays. I watched Scream lol and this oneshot came into fruition. Ofc it’s heavily inspired by the movie so don’t come at me, but I tried to be original still. I might be a little rusty crusty dusty, but I hope it’s not that noticeable. Please leave feedback, you know I love it and I hope everyone enjoys this! Happy reading!

           This morning wasn’t any different compared to other mornings. The sun was slowly rising, beaming down on our little borough and letting its rays spread some well needed warmth as autumn has approached, coating the town in a grey fog as a result of daily rain. I missed the summer days, when the temperatures were high and I was carefree and able to spend my time doing what I liked. School takes up a large amount of effort and energy, and sometimes, I’m drained by the end of the day. I am conscious that going to school is crucial as it’s supposed to educate us and develop us into mature and smart young adults, ready to pursue our dreams and goals once we’re out of high-school, but most of times it’s just a buzzkill. The teachers are always dull and mean to us, as if they hate us for being in their classes, and most things we learn seem useless once we have stepped out into the real world. I like studying, but I am not desperate, and find myself spending my time doing something else quite often. This has always been an issue with my mom, as she’s a hardworking nurse and stern woman, only expecting and accepting perfection. But we got past our differences a few years ago and now, if I get good grades, she allows me to do whatever I like on the weekends. When I was young, I was supposed to attend various activities which my mother enjoyed while she was young, like: swimming and ballet classes. I have always hated ballet; it gave me bad ankle and toe aches making me unable to get out of bed on some lamentable days. But my mother wouldn’t accept my whining and forced me to continue ballet, only allowing me to stop when I told her I had no interest in being a ballerina. That was three years ago. Mom was quite disappointed but when I told her I wanted to take up some drawing and painting classes, reluctantly, but at last she agreed. Now, I can see myself being an artist, attending a prestige arts college. I only have to convince my mother at this point to oblige to my wish. I don’t know how I’m going to do that, but I’ve still got two years to come up with a good solution. Perhaps if Wonwoo and I can go to the same college she’ll let me be. Wonwoo, my boyfriend, is someone who my mother adores. She’s loved him from the very first moment they have met. He’s soft spoken and kind, a little withdrawn, but nonetheless friendly once he opens up to you. We’ve known each other since we were kids as we’ve been living on the same street for our whole lives, but our romance only began in high-school, last year. It took us some time to mature and notice each other finally, but when it happened, I couldn’t have been happier. He was so attentive to me, always listening closely to what I had to say. He made me laugh and smile, sometimes even without trying to, and filled my heart with warmth I didn’t know was even possible. I found a confidant and friend in him, someone whom I could love freely and carelessly, never doubtful or uncertain of his intentions. Wonwoo was direct and honest from the get go and it made me like him even more. We had our ups and downs, just as any couple, but managed to work them out and move forward as a stronger couple. He had moments when I couldn’t understand him, questioning whether I was imagining his lack of empathy or he really lacked of it, but never thought too hard about it. After all, both of us were enamored with each other, living under our pink cloud as any newly formed couple.

I had dressed up after waking up, realizing I needed to hurry up if I wanted to catch the bus, mom had a nightshift and wouldn’t be driving me to school today. I could smell bacon and eggs wafting through the downstairs as I descended the stairs, headed for the kitchen. My mother was still in her nurse uniform, her blonde hair pulled in a tight bun as she placed the fried bacon on a plate next to the already done eggs.

“Good morning, mom.” I greeted her with a smile and she turned around, dark bags under her eyes as she returned a smile.

“Good morning, slept well?” She asked as she handed me the plate which I took eagerly. I didn’t have dinner last night as I was too lazy to cook something and my stomach was screaming at me right now to fill it with something.

“Yes, although the storm did wake me up…” I trailed off as mom hummed, sipping some orange juice as she sat down opposite of me.

“It was quite bad; the wind tore a few trees out around the hospital.” She said and I hummed in surprise, not having thought the storm was actually that bad. My mom looked behind me with furrowed eyebrows as she quickly went to grab the remote control. I was just chewing on my breakfast as she turned the volume up of the TV behind me, making me turn around to see what has caused such interest in my mom suddenly. However, the words of the reporter made me drop my fork.

“Breaking News.” Her voice was loud and clear, eyebrows furrowed as she stood in front of a white house, “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Trees getting torn out of the ground during last night’s storm wasn’t the only unfortunate thing to happen. It has come to our attention, that a beloved citizen of our serene city has been murdered in cold blood last night during the storm. Her name is Myoi Mina and she was a student at Primrose High-School. Not much is known as of now about her death, the police are still investigating the crime scene, however, I managed to find out before going live, that she’d been stabbed in the chest three times and suffered a fatal trauma to her head. I offer my sincere condolences to everyone who knew her. Stay tuned for more news about the terrific death of Myoi Mina, a bright girl who will never be forgotten. I am Park Sooyoung and you’ve been watching Prime News.”

For a second the world went quiet around me as I continued staring at the TV with my mouth open in shock. If it weren’t for my mother calling out my name, I probably would have stayed longer in that trance.

“Honey!” Her voice rose an octave and suddenly I felt her gripping my hand, eyes searching mine.

“Mom—” I managed to whisper as she pulled me into a hug, offering me support. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. Mina…dead? How is that possible? Who would do that to her? We weren’t friends, but as we go to the same high-school we’ve known each other. She was always bright, and friendly, just as the reporter has said. Who would want to take away her life? When she was so innocent—oh, poor Wonwoo. If I was this affected by the news, I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. They had been exes and despite a tumultuous relationship, they managed to figure things out and stay somewhat friendly with each other after their breakup. Still, she was a person he once had loved and I would totally understand if he needed time to sort his thoughts out.

“Honey, are you alright?” My mom whispered and I lightly nodded, pulling away from the hug. I wasn’t very alright, confusion and fear meshing together, but I needed to stay strong. For Wonwoo, probably.

“Yes, just very…shocked.” I answered mom and she nodded; eyebrows downturned as she understood my feelings.

“It’s going to be fine. The one responsible for this will be found and held responsible for their actions, don’t be afraid.” Mom tried to cheer me up and offer some security, but it didn’t do much. However, I did appreciate her attempt.

“You’re right.” I tried to give her a smile, but I wasn’t able to.

“Let me drive you to school today—”

“No, don’t worry! I am fine, really. You look very tired, just go get some sleep. The bus is coming in five minutes.” I reassured her and got up from my seat, appetite gone as I quickly filled my water bottle with some orange juice.

“You’re sure?” Mom raised her eyebrows and I nodded, going up to her and kissing her cheek.

“Go rest, mom.” She hummed and patted my head before I hurried into the hallway to pull on my shoes and take on my coat. I opened the front door and took my keys, locking it once I was out of the house. Just as I walked down my porch the bus approached and I got on it, noticing the silence and somber faces of the rest of the students on it. Today was a grey day and nobody could deny it.

           My first task after getting off the bus was to find Wonwoo and check up on him. I kept biting my lip nervously as I looked around the halls, even going up to his locker. He was nowhere to be found and it made me even more nervous. I walked up to his classroom and peeked inside, but his usual seat was empty, not even his bag was there yet. Classes would start in ten minutes and I was panicking, about to grab my phone to call him, when I realized I hadn’t checked one place yet. The spot designated for the students to park their bikes and motorbikes. Of course he’d be there, why hadn’t I thought about that earlier?!

I ran down the hallways and finally exited the school, beelining it for the parking lot. Nobody was laughing this morning, people whispering amongst them, some even crying. Mina’s closest friends weren’t even seen at school, I understood why. I greeted a classmate of mine in a rush as I passed by him, he had just gotten out of his car and was taken aback by my presence, but by the time he greeted me back I was already facing the motorbikes parked in the corner. And there he was, Wonwoo, dressed in all black, his helmet in his hands as he got off his bike. His black hair was badly ruffled as he hadn’t run his fingers through his hair yet, and I suddenly took off, running towards my boyfriend. He had placed the helmet where he was sitting just seconds ago when I crashed into his back, hugging him from behind. I rested my cheek against his shoulder as I squeezed my arms tightly around his middle, making Wonwoo let out a surprised gasp.

“Hey, there, sugar.” He chuckled and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Just as I pulled my head away from his shoulder he turned around in my embrace and hugged me back, just as strongly as I had hugged him. He was crushing me, but I didn’t care.

“Wonwoo—” I managed to mutter out as I wiggled out of his embrace, torso aching in certain spots, “Are you alright?”

Wonwoo’s eyebrows furrowed as he ran his fingers through my short hair, resting his hand on my nape, “Why wouldn’t I be alright?”

I became even more confused at Wonwoo’s words, searching his face for some sort of tell, but there was none, “Well…did you not hear?”

I decided to feel around, scared that I had to be the one to tell him. It would break me seeing him in pain.

“Hear what?” Wonwoo asked confused, his thumb rubbing my jugular, it was slightly distracting.

“Oh, well—” I cleared my throat and licked my lips, “Mina—”

“Oh, that.” Wonwoo muttered and looked down, his grip slightly tightening on my nape, but I said nothing as I watched his expression. He seemed unphased almost, like he wanted to look sad but it wasn’t working. My eyebrows furrowed when Wonwoo sniffed, yet there were no tears in his eyes. He clearly wasn’t alright, and I felt horrible for even reminding him of her death.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Why are you sorry, did you kill her?” He suddenly looked up and his sharp eyes were piercing into mine, and I suddenly stuttered before shutting my lips. What? He looked so…cold. As if he didn’t care at all.

“No, I just—”

“Y/N,” He grabbed both of my cheeks with his hands and pulled me into him, our foreheads almost touching, “You are the love of my life and whatever happened to Mina…she had it coming.”

I couldn’t believe my ears, and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked at Wonwoo with even more confusion. He didn’t actually mean that, right? How could he…he cared for her once.

“She was murdered, Wonwoo.” I whispered; my voice almost trembling. Wonwoo sighed and swiftly kissed my forehead, but it didn’t reassure me like it usually did, no, it made a chill run down my spine.

“I know, but she cheated on me multiple times, sugar, I do not care what has happened to her.” Wonwoo’s voice was sinister, almost gloating if I hadn’t known him better, “But she deserves it.”

My mouth opened in a gasp as I shook my head, refusing to comprehend the words which were leaving his lips, but also shocked and trying to process what he could really mean by saying that. But before I could voice my thoughts, his warm lips were pressing against mine softly, our noses touching. His was cold as it was really windy outside and I pulled back from the kiss, opening my eyes to gaze into his. I couldn’t read what he was feeling, his face expressionless and somehow so cold.

“I love you.” Wonwoo muttered before he let go of me and stepped back, grabbing his helmet off his motorbike. I watched him as he grabbed his backpack as well, trying to go over what has happened in the last few minutes, realizing this was just probably Wonwoo’s way of processing the traumatic news of last night’s happening. I knew deep down he was feeling miserable, he just didn’t want to show it in order to not worry me even more. I felt sympathetic for him and as he looked at me, it shocked me how much hatred was behind his irises, but it was gone just as quickly as it came, and it made me wonder if I had started seeing things. The news must be affecting me real bad if I couldn’t decide anymore what my boyfriend’s reactions meant.

           Today was grim. Everyone’s mood was bad and students almost whispered to each other despite it being our long break. Myoi Mina’s death has affected all of us, it was obvious. Everyone seemed to hold some sadness in their eyes and somehow they seemed to be more sympathetic towards fellow students. Even the teachers tried to be nicer to us. An hour ago we held a memorial for Myoi Mina at the football field of our high-school and once we were dismissed we quickly hurried back to our classrooms as the wind started picking up once again. The weather seemed to worsen as we reached noon and currently we were bundled up in the cafeteria, trying to enjoy our lunches. However, I found it rather hard to swallow the mashed potatoes as I overheard the girls next to our table talking about Mina’s brutal murder. I found the topic insensible and rude to talk about, especially since they seemed to be giggling about it from time to time, wondering whether the criminal looked hot or not. Kim Yerim, my best friend, seemed to have had enough as well as she slammed her fork down against the table, the loud sound catching those girls’ attention.

“Listen here, insensible cunts, if you want to gossip about that poor girl’s terrible death and fantasize about a murderer, go do it in your bedrooms and not in the cafeteria where everyone can hear you and realize just how fucking stupid you are!” Yerim’s words were harsh, always having been a brutally honest person, and it caught the attention of a few more students around us who seemed to be agreeing with her as they shot nasty glares at the gossiping girls. They seemed to be offended and one even gasped as she stood up, causing an unnecessary scene.

“How dare you call us—insensible cunts?!” Her voice rose and Yeri scoffed, giving her an amused grin.

“I was merely telling the truth, sweetheart.” Yerim answered back and I turned my head to look at the girl who was very pathetically gasping for air.

“I think everyone around us knows by now that you just want your five-minute fame, so settle down before you embarrass yourself furthermore.” I spoke up, trying to ease up the tension, but I figured I only did worse by saying that. The girl’s friend gasped loudly and both were standing up now, looking down at Yerim and I as if we were some monsters.

“Look who’s talking about fame, Y/N.” The second friend, who was blonde and had a pixie cut, looked at me maliciously, “Aren’t you the one dating Myoi Mina’s ex?”

Yerim and I glanced at each other, not understanding the correlation here, “I am, and so what about that?”

“Ah, look at her talk about fame,” The first one who caused this scene mocked, she had jet black eyes, “You’re acting as if you’re an angel when it’s because of you Wonwoo and Mina broke up. Did you know he cheated on her with you?”

I gulped, feeling the eyes of many students on me. This information was wrong, merely a gossip Mina spread around after she found out Wonwoo started going out with me out of jealousy. It didn’t last for long, the gossip, because a week later Mina and I talked and cleared things up. I held no harsh feelings against her and she apologized, realizing how foolish she was, and promised to make things right.

“That’s not true.” I said as I glared at the two girls, “Mina spread that rumor around out of jealousy—”

“Are you seriously bad-mouthing a dead person right now?!” The blonde one exclaimed in outrage and I couldn’t believe my ears. Suddenly I was the bad guy when I just wanted to protect someone who couldn’t do it anymore themselves. I could hear my ears ringing and my jaw clenched as I glared at the two. Yerim was just as appealed as I was and she slowly stood up, expression menacing.

“Look who’s playing the victim now.” Yerim chuckled and went around her chair, oh no, this was going to be bad. I stood up and grabbed my friend’s arm, knowing she’d get physical if no one was there to restrict her. Yerim always struggled with her anger issues, but when someone was disrespected she couldn’t help it, she saw red. I glanced around and gulped nervously, too many people were watching us now. And they were whispering too. I didn’t want this. Today out of all days this was so unnecessary.

“Yerim—” I spoke up, but before any of us could say anything else, Wonwoo and Soonyoung, his best friend, approached our table, each holding a tray full with food.

“What’s your problem, Hyuna?” Wonwoo snapped, blazing eyes glaring at the girl with the pixie cut, “Are you letting out your frustration on Y/N now that Mina’s gone? What? Are you going to beg me soon to leave Y/N for you?! Just like you did when I was dating Mina?”

My mouth fell open as Yerim and I looked at each other shocked, and even the students who were fully watching the commotion now, seemed surprised. The blonde one, Hyuna, turned red in the face and she gasped, looking at Wonwoo with her mouth gaping.

“That’s—that’s not—” She stuttered, shrinking under Wonwoo’s harsh glare, “That’s not what I was doing!”

“But you were speaking poorly of a dead girl.” Wonwoo said nonchalantly and Hyuna gulped as her friend took her hand and started pulling her away. I think they realized they have embarrassed themselves enough. Soonyoung started cackling as everyone watched the two girls basically run out of the cafeteria and he had the audacity to shout after them, “Look, Hyuna! I’m still available!”

His words elicited laughter from many students as they called Hyuna pathetic and everyone slowly went back to their lunch, Yerim and I long forgotten as we both sat down with Wonwoo and Soonyoung now having joined us. Wonwoo sat next to me and he kissed my cheek as I offered him a small smile, checking his face for any reaction. Perhaps a change of heart since the morning. But he still looked…fine, uncaring. Sooyoung, to Yerim’s dismay, sat next to her and she quietly sighed when he leaned close to her and whispered something, making her push his face away. Sooyoung giggled and I glanced at him, observing his attitude too. He looked like himself, as if Mina didn’t die, as if Mina and him didn’t even know each other.

“How are you feeling, Soonyoung?” I found myself asking my boyfriend’s best friend, curious.

Soonyoung looked up just as he stuffed his face with a chicken wing and grinned, “Quite well, thank you!”

Wonwoo cleared his throat next to me and I glanced at him briefly, but he was staring at Soonyoung quite coldly, “Oh—I mean, quite well despite the shocking news…I mean, how terrible, isn’t it?”

Yerim glanced at Wonwoo before she looked at Soonyoung and her eyes narrowed at the blonde, “At least you could try sounding more genuine next time, Soonyoung.” She emphasized his name as she gave him a glare. Yerim has never been fond of Soonyoung, she found him obnoxious, loud, dumb and overbearing. Despite Soonyoung’s efforts to get her to like him, she refused to spend any time with him if Wonwoo and I weren’t there.

“Yeah, you knew her quite well…” I found myself mumbling to no one in particular as I ate my lunch, but it seemed like everyone from our table heard me. Yerim nodded along. It was weird seeing the two boys so uncaring towards Myoi Mina’s death, after all, Soonyoung was the one who introduced Mina to Wonwoo.

“Oh, come on.” Soonyoung scoffed and leaned back in his seat, an irritated smirk crossing his lips, “That bitch whined all the time if something didn’t go her way. She didn’t let anyone breathe around her unless they first pleased her and my God—if Wonwoo wasn’t with her it was the end of the world, and if Wonwoo was there—why was he showing her no affection?!”

Wonwoo placed his fork down and placed his elbows on the table, leaning forward and placing his chin on his knuckles, “Thank you for you input, Soonyoung, although I’d like to enjoy my lunch without hearing about my ex-girlfriend’s death…again.”

It was the most emotion Wonwoo had shown all day and I grabbed his hand, squeezing it and offering him a small smile. He looked at me, seemingly still pissed off at Soonyoung, but offered me a small smile back. Yerim was silent as she watched the two boys before shaking her head and taking a sip from her glass of water. I knew how she felt about them, she never liked them too much, but they were good boys. A bit odd, but well-intended.

“Fine,” Soonyoung muttered displeased as he took another chicken wing, eyeing Yerim from the corner of his eyes, “but the bitch deserved it.”

“Excuse me?!” It was Yerim who was appealed this time, her reaction being the same as mine when Wonwoo said it. She just reacted stronger than I had. I was quite speechless, she rarely was.

“Nothing.” Soonyoung smiled sweetly at my best friend and I could feel my heartbeat pick up when Wonwoo’s tongue poked his cheek from the inside of his mouth, a clear sign he was getting angry. I looked at him, but he was glaring daggers at Soonyoung. Thinking quickly, I looked down at his plate and touched his thigh, trying to get his attention.

“You don’t like chicken wings,” I said with a smile as I pointed at my plate, “You can take my fried cheese.”

Wonwoo’s attention was back on me and his eyebrows furrowed, “You don’t look chicken wings either—”

“Don’t worry, I’m full already.” I smiled, I wasn’t full, in fact. But they were probably out of fried cheese and Wonwoo was quite particular about what he ate. I didn’t want him to be hungry until we got home.

“How sweet,” Soonyoung cooed from the other end of the table and both Wonwoo and I glanced at him, “She’s so caring, Won, don’t you just love her?”

He sounded quite mocking and I sighed, starting to get fed up with Soonyoung. I had no idea what his problem was today, but I didn’t enjoy being around him anymore. Wonwoo sensed my discomfort and shook his head at Soonyoung.

“Yes, I love her.” Soonyoung grinned widely and chuckled, shaking his head. He looked at Yerim and reached out for her hand, but she quickly took it off the table and gave him a glare.

“Don’t you want us to be sweet like them?” Soonyoung blinked cutely at Yerim, leaning closer to her, “How about—we go out on a date tonight?”

“Soonyoung,” Yerim scoffed and leaned closer, smirking at him, “For the nth time—no. I don’t like you and I will never date you. Stop being so fucking obnoxious all the time, thanks.”

Soonyoung tsked and shook his head, “You’re gonna get killed one day for talking like that to me.”

His words were barely audible but both Yerim and I caught it. Our heads whipped in his direction and he looked up innocently, blinking at us confusedly, “What?”

“Soonyoung, come to the wending machine.” Wonwoo abruptly stood up and smiled at his friend, however it didn’t reach his eyes, “Now.”

Wonwoo became demanding once Soonyoung made no sign of wanting to move and the blonde just sighed before getting up slowly, winking at Yerim before walking up to Wonwoo. Wonwoo swiftly grabbed his nape and pulled him away from us, making Soonyoung exclaim in annoyance. Yerim turned to look at me and I sighed, eating some more of my mashed potatoes.

“What is wrong with them?!” She whisper snapped as she watched me. I shrugged and ignored my friend, not wanting to think too deeply of what’s happened the past few minutes. Wonwoo was weird all day, but he’s been even weirder ever since they sat down to have lunch with us. Soonyoung’s words were even more unsettling and my head was a mess currently, I didn’t want Yerim questioning everything as well.

“Nothing.” I muttered back, head lowered as I tried to eat some more. Wonwoo took the fried cheese I gave him and I pushed the chicken wings to the side of my plate, I really hated them.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Y/N.” Yerim snapped and grabbed my elbow, making me look at her, “Something is very wrong with Soonyoung and we both know it. He’s giving me the creeps now more than ever before. Did you hear the things he was saying about Mina? How is that alright? How could he even think them and then say them—”

“I don’t know.” I snapped, getting pissed, “And I don’t want to know. This whole situation scares me and I’m not taking it well, okay? Everyone is talking about it and it’s making me lose my mind. I’m scared, okay? Can you at least, please, just drop it?!”

Yerim looked down and released my elbow, feeling bad for bringing this up again. I had already told her in the morning how scared I was of this whole ordeal, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you more. I just noticed things and wanted to tell you, because Wonwoo’s been weird too. He has always been, but today out of all days…he’s too quiet.”

“Wonwoo’s always quiet.” I chuckled and Yerim rolled her eyes.

“Not like this, you know what I mean…” She deadpanned and I huffed, turning back towards my plate.

“Whatever, you’re just being paranoid.”

“I’d rather be paranoid than dead.” Yerim muttered and I groaned, nudging her leg with mine underneath the desk. She giggled and started stealing the chicken wings off my plate as she glanced back, “I’ll take these before Soonyoung gets back and asks for them.”

I giggled and nodded at her, offering her my whole plate. I wasn’t full, but my appetite was long gone. I just wanted to be close to Wonwoo right now.

           I pulled the curtain to the side as I peeked out the window, eyebrows furrowing at the strike of lightning. The weather was horrible once again. It’s been raining almost the whole week. Mina’s murder was still fresh in everyone’s minds and people were cautious. It’s been three days only, after all. Today was her funeral and it was really sad. Many people showed up, although I preferred to stand towards the back, Wonwoo went ahead and offered his condolences to her parents who burst out in tears once they saw him. It made me realize how well liked Wonwoo was by the parents and elders in our town. He truly had a good soul and it was hard not to love him. My mother was working the night shift again tonight and as I didn’t feel comfortable staying home alone yet, Yerim and I agreed to have a sleepover tonight, however, she was still at the pool. She was a professional swimmer and she’s been training hard for the past half year for the upcoming national competition her team was to attend. I watched as the lighting struck again and waited for Yerim to pick up as my phone continued ringing. There was a chance she was still in the water, but I was hoping she wasn’t. We were supposed to meet half an hour ago, but she was running late.

“Hi!” Suddenly Yerim picked up and I smiled, closing the curtain, “Sorry, coach extended today’s training.”

She sounded breathless, “I figured, don’t worry. I still have some things to pack; do you want me to pick up pizza on my way to you?”

“Oh, pizza!” Yerim giggled and I heard someone shouting in the background for her, “One second coach—I’m supposed to be on a diet, Y/N, but sure.”

“Okay, one pepperoni pizza it is, then.” We both giggled.

“Wait—wasn’t I supposed to pick you up though?” Yerim asked and I went to my closet to take out my pajamas.

“You were, but since you’re running late I’ll drive myself, don’t worry.” The pool was a bit further from my house and I knew she was usually tired after practices; I didn’t want to burden her more.

“Thank you! See you!” I greeted her back before Yerim hung up and I finished packing the essentials before dressing up in my comfy sweater. It was actually Wonwoo’s but he gave it to me after I told him I liked the fabric of it. His cologne still lingered on it and I smiled as I nuzzled my nose against the collar of the black sweater. When he’d come over, every once in a while, he’d bring his cologne with him and spray it on the sweaters which were once his, so that I could feel him close to me even if he wasn’t here. It was a sweet gesture and it still brought butterflies to my stomach. There was another lightning strike and the thunder followed instantly, making me yelp at the loud rumble of it. My cat meowed loudly from the hallway and I opened my door, beckoning her over with a pout. She hated storms just as much as I did.

“Come, Byeol, this weather is driving me crazy.” She meowed back as if she understood me and jumped into my arms once I kneeled down to hold her. She nuzzled her head against my chin and I giggled, starting to pet her. She was a black cat with light green eyes which sparkled like stars, hence her name, Byeol. Mom bought her for me five years ago when I started complaining about being scared when she’d have her night shifts. I hated staying home alone at night until I got Byeol. She brought a sense of security with her and it made me appreciate her even more.

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone tonight, Byeol, you won’t be too mad at me, right?” I whispered at my cat as I played with her ears, she was purring loudly, “Mom will be back by five in the morning, so you won’t be staying alone for too long.”

Byeol meowed loudly and I chuckled kissing her head before placing her down on the floor gently and standing up to grab the charger of my phone, which I almost forgot to pack. I looked around the room and mentally checked off everything from my imaginary list of what I had to bring with myself to Yerim’s and picked up my backpack, making kissy faces at Byeol. She followed after me as I turned off the light in my room and walked down the hallway, headed for the stairs, when my phone suddenly started ringing. I looked down at the caller and saw Yerim was calling me, maybe she changed her mind about that peperoni pizza.

“Hi, Yerim—”

“Y/N!” Her voice was panicked and I stopped in my tracks, right at the top of the stairs, “Someone’s—following me!”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, this was out of character for Yerim, “What? I don’t understand—what’s happening?!”

“I’m at the pool—” There was a loud crash and Yerim gasped, “I’m scared—a masked man—they are following me—”

“Yerim, are you being serious?!” My heart picked up as I raced down the stairs, backpack long forgotten as Byeol looked at me confused.

“Yes!” She exclaimed and she started whimpering, making my hands tremble, “They have a knife, Y/N!”

I could barely pull on my tennis shoes when I heard her words, “Hide!”

“I’m in the locker room but I couldn’t find the keys—” There was a loud bang and a sob left Yerim’s lips, bringing tears to my eyes.

“I’m on my way, I’m calling the police—”

“Don’t hang up, please!” Yerim was crying and I was shaking so badly that I could barely grab my keys.

“Yerim, I have to—” I was cut off by Yerim’s scream.

“No! No, stop! Please!”

“Yerim!” I screamed as I slammed the front door shut and struggled to lock it. I sprinted towards my car, ignoring the cold raindrops crashing against the pavement and myself, “Yerim, are you there—”

But another scream cut me off and I started crying, feeling helpless as I listened to my friend’s painful sobs. Just as I reached my car and unlocked it, the line went dead and I panicked even more, hands trembling so hard I could barely dial 112.

“112 what’s your emergency—”

“Please, I think someone’s murdering my friend! She’s at the pool on Wellington’s street, nr. 18. Please! Help her!”

“Ma’am, calm down, can you tell us your name?” The woman on the other side of the phone tried to calm me down, but I couldn’t hear her words. I had to get to Yerim before it was too late. I had already started my car and was pulling out of the garage as I started rambling mindlessly about where Yerim was and that they had to get to her right now.

“Ma’am, calm down and tell us your name.” The woman tried again and I wiped my tears away as I speed down the streets.

“My name is not important! Get to my friend! Her name is Kim Yerim for fucks sake!” I screamed as I rushed past a red light, barely avoiding getting hit. I didn’t care what happened, I only had Yerim in mind, I had to get to her. No, this couldn’t be happening. She’s playing a sick prank on me, she must be. Otherwise…no. No. No. It’s not the murdered. No. They aren’t targeting her, she’s probably just playing around—I slammed on the brakes when I saw someone crossing the road, screaming at them to get the hell away as I started driving again.

“Ma’am, where are you right now?” Suddenly, I heard the woman’s voice through my phone, forgetting I hadn’t hung up.

“In the car, I have to get to my friend.”

“You can’t drive in the state you are—”

“What do you know about that!” I snapped and took a harsh left turn, realizing I was just two blocks away.

“Ma’am, officers are already at the scene, your friend is safe.” The woman tried to calm me down but I shook my head.

“I’ll believe that when I see her with my own eyes.” I reached over and hung up, pulling up to the building as the flashing lights of police cars blinded me for a second. I parked the car and got out without turning the engine off, uncaring of the rain which drenched me in seconds, as I ran towards two officers who were just getting out of their cars.

“My friend—where is she?!” I asked breathless, but they just looked at each other and I didn’t wait for their answers, I pushed past them and ran inside the building. There were more police officers and I saw the entrance to the pool being tapped off, and I instantly knew. Something inside my stomach dropped. I heard nothing and I saw nothing. I had to know. I couldn’t just stand there and wait for the news to be delivered to me. So when three police officers noticed me and demandingly told me I had to leave, I pushed past them and sprinted to the doors leading inside the pool. They were already opened, and I could see everything. The blood. All over the floor, coloring the water. And I could see her. Face down. Floating in the water. Her black hair sprawled out around her. Her favorite swimming suit still on. My ears were ringing and my heart was thumping so fast I started seeing black. I couldn’t hear anything. I felt cold hands gripping my arms, but I couldn’t move. It’s like I was there, but I wasn’t. My hearing only came back when I found myself screaming her name and trashing around in the firm hold of the officers, who were pulling me away from the scene.

“No! Stop!” I screamed, sobbing loudly as I tried to fight them off still, “That’s my best friend! I need to see her! I need to be there for her! Don’t you understand?!”

“Bring her to the ambulance, give her a sedative.” I heard one officer say and I started shaking my head as my body went slack and I could only cry.

“But Yerim—” Suddenly I felt myself being lifted in someone’s arms and I curled into the person, crying loudly.

“It will be alright, miss, cry as much as you need.” A man, with a comforting voice, said reassuringly as I was outside again, the rain still pouring hard. I felt us running until the rain wasn’t hitting me anymore and I was sat inside an ambulance.

“Please—” I whispered, grabbing the officer’s hand as he went to pull away, “Save her.”

I saw sorrow in his eyes, as if he knew something I didn’t, as if he understood something I refused to believe in, “We will try our best, miss. Can you promise me you’ll stay here?”

I nodded and wiped my tears away, but new ones came rushing down my cheeks. I was cold. My body was shaking. I hugged myself and curled up into a ball as I tried to comfort myself, but nothing could bring comfort right now. I started mumbling, it was okay. Everything was okay. That wasn’t Yerim. Yerim was playing a prank on me. Yerim was hiding in the locker room and laughing her ass off, because she loved drama and attention. Yes, that is what was happening.

“Miss—miss—” I jumped when someone touched me and I grumbled at them to stay away from me, “Can you tell me your name?”

I didn’t want to talk, but when they asked me again, I snapped at them, “Kang Y/N!”

“Thank you,” The lady had a very calm voice and I felt her touch me again but I pulled my arm away, once again, “Can you tell me how old you are?”

“Why are you asking me all these questions?!” I snapped again, raising my voice, “You’re supposed to help my friend! Go help her!”

“I’m supposed to help you, Miss Kang—”

“No, because I’m fine—”

“Y/N?!” A familiar voice asked from behind the doctor lady and my eyebrows furrowed when I looked past her and came to see Soonyoung. Why was he here? What was he doing here?

“What?” I whispered confused, glancing back at the doctor who was preparing an injection and I started shaking again, “What are you doing with that?!”

The doctor said nothing as she sighed and walked closer, making Soonyoung protest as well, “Young man, stay out of this unless you want to be sedated as well.”

“Sedated?!” I exclaimed and went to stand up, but suddenly someone from behind held me down and I just realized I wasn’t sitting alone in the ambulance. I started trashing around, trying to free myself as the doctor was now standing right in front of me and I started crying once again when she started feeling around for my vein.

“Please go help my friend—” The doctor shushed me and I whimpered when the needle entered my skin, the doctor injecting the sedative inside my body.

“She’s in shock,” I heard her say as my muscles slowly started to loosen, as if they weren’t listening to me anymore, “She started calming down but you triggered her again, I’m asking you to step back and let her be.”

I realized she was talking to Soonyoung as I was laid down on the stretcher inside the ambulance and the doctor checked my eyes before nodding at someone. I was covered by a blanket and I sniffed as I continued crying quietly, my body feeling numb all of a sudden.

“You should rest now; everything will be alright.” I heard someone saying to me as I felt my eyelids get heavy and I tried shaking my head and telling them that I needed to be next to Yerim, but my mouth wouldn’t move.

“Can you let me stay with her? I’m her friend, I also knew Yerim.” I heard Soonyoung saying before he climbed inside the ambulance. Knew Yerim? Why in past tense? Yerim was fine, what was he talking about? Why is he here?

“It’ll be fine, Y/N.” I felt a hand patting my wet hair as my mind was slowly losing consciousness, “Yerim was a strong girl, but too stubborn for her own good. I just couldn’t help it…”

Before my brain could comprehend Soonyoung’s words, everything became black and I fell into a state of unconsciousness. Did I lose my best friend?

           It was all so blurry. The past two weeks. Everything went by quickly, Yerim disappeared so suddenly. She was here, next to me, laughing and being excited about her up-coming tournament one moment, and the next…I watched her coffin being lowered into the cold, wet ground. I had no tears left to cry at her funeral, I could only watch with a blank stare as her coffin was slowly getting covered by the dirt, swallowing her forever, robbing her from me. I felt nothing. My skin was cold, I was shaking. It was a sunny day and everyone wore short sleeves, but I was wearing a long sleeve and a coat. I could hear the priest saying a prayer, Yerim’s mother weeping next to me and her husband gasping for air, but I couldn’t actually hear them. It was as if I was underwater. Yerim’s smiling framed picture, which I was clutching, was the only thing reminding me that I was at the funeral, present physically, but so far away mentally. Someone held my shoulder, but I couldn’t be bothered to check who it was, I just shook their touch off and stared blankly at Yerim’s tombstone. I read her name, her year of birth and day of death, and I broke. The priest had just finished talking, ceremony ended, when my body started shaking violently, sobs raking my whole being. My legs were weak, and my feet hurt from the high heels I only wore because Yerim loved them and complained I never wore them. The sun was suddenly so hot, the coat and long sleeve were suffocating me, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do this. I just couldn’t. Why did they kill her? What did she do? Why her? Why not me?! I knew my sobs turned into wailing and my feet gave up and suddenly, I was on my knees, clutching the framed picture to my chest and trying to find my breath, but my sobs wouldn’t let me. It hurt so much, my chest was in pain, it felt as if someone was trying to rip my heart out. Suddenly, I felt strong hands gripping me by the elbows as I was lifted up. My body was limp so I did not fight back when the person turned me around and cupped my cheeks. My mind was far gone from the present, from what was happening, but I’d recognize his hands anywhere, anytime. They were big, warm, and soft. Wonwoo’s thumb started rubbing my cheek reassuringly and I found strength to open my eyes, still sobbing. His face was emotionless, but his eyes were soft and I knew he felt powerless for not being able to support me. But I appreciated his presence here, he calmed me, the aching wasn’t as bad as before. I tried taking deep breaths, my sobbing coming to silently crying as I hoarsely apologized to Yerim’s parents for creating a scene right at the end of the funeral. They shook their heads and brushed it off, engulfing me in a big hug as Wonwoo stepped back, and they tried to cheer me up with reassuring words, but they only broke me more. They were so supportive and loving, they always let Yerim follow her dreams and encouraged her to become her better self. They did not deserve to lose their brilliant daughter in such an ill manner. When her parents let me go I bowed deeply to them and handed them her framed picture, making her mother cry again. Her father took it from me and then they turned their backs and slowly started walking away. I turned towards my mom and Wonwoo and nodded at them, ready to leave as well. I didn’t want to go yet, but I had to. I had to learn to live without my best friend. Without my other half. As we started walking away, my eyes fell on a figure dressed in all black, head hanging low. His blond hair made it easy to recognize him, it was Soonyoung. He was gazing absent mindedly at Yerim’s grave and my eyebrows furrowed as I watched him. He looked emotionless, something foreign to Soonyoung. His eyes seemed to be red, but he wasn’t crying. Suddenly, he took off towards the grave and before I could follow him with my eyes, Wonwoo squeezed my hand and asked me if I wanted to have some lunch his mother cooked. I wasn’t hungry, but I didn’t want to refuse. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday’s lunch time. And my mother seemed to cheer up a little bit at the idea of seeing Mrs. Jeon, so I agreed to that lunch. And as my mother opened the door for me before going to the driver’s seat, I glanced back at Yerim’s grave and furrowed my eyebrows. We were far from it, but not so far that I couldn’t see Soonyoung’s face. And he was smiling. I felt goosebumps erupting on my skin as I quickly got inside the car, his words from when he sat with me in the ambulance as I was falling unconscious ringing through my mind, ‘I just couldn’t help it…’.

Everything was hard after the funeral. Time really went by fast and I found myself doing nothing but staring out of my head, reminiscing about all the memories I had with Yerim. We’ve been best friends since primary school. I had no other friends, nobody that could live up to her or to our bond. I had no one to talk to suddenly, no one to annoy and no one to listen to as they told their ridiculous stories. It was so hard. I couldn’t eat, some nights I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t focus in school or when I had to study. Wonwoo tried to help and studied with me for a hard test, but it did nothing as I failed it. The teachers were understanding and they weren’t pushing me too hard, but for how long would I have their pity? How long until they start calling me out and telling me to get a grip and move on? Sometimes, in the hallways, I would see Myoi Mina’s best friend and I understood. I understood the sorrow in her eyes, the way she wouldn’t even look at anyone else but the ground. How she’d jump at the tiniest sound and how she’d brush off anyone who tried to talk to her. I was like that too, although I was trying hard not to be, it just wasn’t working. A girl who knew Yerim tried to take her seat yesterday and I flipped and screamed at her horrendous things for trying to do so. I felt horrible after that, but it didn’t matter, I was sent to our school’s therapist. He didn’t do much, just gave me some tips on how to grieve, told me to contact him if I started feeling worse, and then sent me on my merry way. I was already feeling the worst, could this get any worse? Wonwoo was understanding, but I could see he was growing restless. He’d snap at me when I’d refuse hanging out with him for the fourth time that week, but he’d instantly apologize saying he understood and he was also dealing with grief. Yerim and him weren’t very close, but they spent a lot of time together because of me, of course he was grieving too. However, Soonyoung was nowhere to be found. Some say his parents took him away on a retreat after he snapped at his younger sister at home, Wonwoo wouldn’t talk about him when asked. It was strange. Their behavior. Wonwoo would become tense when anyone mentioned the killer but when I’d ask if everything was alright he’d become defensive and say he was just stressed.

Tonight was one of those nights when I was restless and couldn’t stay at home anymore, so I went for a walk. My mom was cooking dinner and after playing with Byeol, I grabbed my coat and told my mom I’d be taking a walk in the neighborhood. She asked me to be home in half an hour as it was getting dark and rainy clouds started gathering on the sky. I missed Yerim a lot, and I couldn’t help but think about how excited she’d get whenever it rained. One summer we went down to the lake and it started raining hard, but despite that, Yerim still went and swum in the lake, splashing me repeatedly, making me go in with her despite being scared. Without meaning to, I found myself walking by Yerim’s house. I glanced up at her window, but of course the light wasn’t on. Of course it wouldn’t be on, why would it be? Yerim wasn’t there studying. I wished she was so that I could convince her to hang out with me and Byeol, but she wasn’t here with us anymore. The front door to their house opened and I smiled when I saw her father walking down the porch stairs. He looked up and spotted me, waving at me, as he was headed towards me.

“Good evening, Mr. Kim.” I greeted him and he smiled, opening the gate for me.

“Hello there, Y/N. What brings you here?” His eyes had always reminded me of Yerim’s, and their laughter was the same.

“I was taking a walk in the neighborhood, and found myself wandering here…” Yerim’s father’s face seemed to lose the little happiness he displayed and he sighed, glancing back, up at Yerim’s window.

“I understand, sometimes I find myself walking up to her room in the mornings, wanting to wake her up…” I bit my lower lip and Mr. Kim sighed before looking back at me, “Would you like to come inside? My wife baked those muffins you two girls really like.”

I found myself smiling, Mrs. Kim’s chocolate muffins were the best, whenever she baked them, Yerim and I would devour them in an hour, “If I’m not bothering too much…”

“Non-sense, child.” Mr. Kim laughed and stepped aside, allowing me inside their property. I bowed my head a little at him and walked through the gate, “I’m headed to the supermarket, want anything?”

“No, thank you, Mr. Kim!” He nodded and patted my head before he left through the gate, walking down the street, headed for the closest supermarket. Mr. Kim had always been the father figure I never had. He had also always treated me as his daughter. He was the one who taught me how to swim and how to ride a bicycle as my mother was too busy at the hospital. My parents divorced when I was really young and my father disappeared after that despite promising to come by sometimes and pay for the allowance. I shook my head at the thought of my absent father and walked up to the front door, knocking on it before walking inside. There was some jazz music playing quietly in the background as the delicious muffin smell wafted through the air. I took off my shoes and coat, and walked towards the kitchen, knocking on the door, realizing Mrs. Kim didn’t hear me entering.

“Oh, you’re back—Y/N!” A wide smile spread on Mrs. Kim’s face when she saw me and she rushed up to me, hugging me tightly, “How lovely you stepped by! We haven’t seen you since—”

Since the funeral, “Right, I was out for a walk and found myself passing by. Mr. Kim and I just happened to run into each other, he invited me inside.”

“How smart of him,” Mrs. Kim chuckled; however you could see she wasn’t feeling as giddy as she was acting, “I just happened to bake your favorite chocolate muffins.”

And Yerim’s. I smiled gratefully at Mrs. Kim as she handed me two chocolate muffins, which were still warm, “Thank you.”

“I will pack some for you to take home. I baked too much either way, my husband and I don’t have a sweet tooth, I just missed the smell of it. Your mother loves them too, she’ll be happy for the small gift.” Yerim might’ve looked like his father, but she talked just as much as her mother. When you’d sit down with the two of them and listen to their stories, time would fly by and you wouldn’t even notice. They had a very captivating way of speaking, conversing with them never felt awkward or boring.

“Thank you, she will probably give you a call when she gets them.” I said with a chuckle and Mrs. Kim smiled.

“As she should, we haven’t talked in a while…” Since Yerim’s funeral, but she didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want to say it either. It felt nice being in their home after two weeks. I always felt so welcomed here. The house was bright and homey, Yerim and Mrs. Kim having decorated it in an eccentric way, which would sometimes give Mr. Kim a headache. I looked behind me and glanced at the stair leading upstairs as Mrs. Kim placed some muffins in a smaller bag. She turned back and noticed me staring back at the stairs.

“You can go up, if you want to—Yerim wouldn’t mind it, I know.” Mrs. Kim spoke up and I nodded at her gratefully, placing the muffins I was holding on the table, before hurrying up the stairs and beelining it for her room. I hesitated for a second before opening the door, preparing myself for her absence, but it still hit me hard when I opened the door to darkness. I gulped and turned on the light, blinking away the tears which suddenly sprung to my eyes. Her room was the same, messy but not exactly. Her closet door was slightly opened and I could see her pink hoodie spilling out and I chuckled as I walked over and grabbed it. I always told her to just hang her hoodies up, but she never listened to me. As I held it in my hands, Yerim’s sweet scent hit my nose and I bit my lower lip, taking a deep breath. I placed her hoodie on the bed and pulled my long sleeve over my head before pulling her hoodie on and closing my eyes. My skin got covered in goosebumps as I imagined Yerim sitting in her chair and complaining about me wearing her favorite hoodie, but secretly not being bothered by it at all. We always shared our clothes when we’d have sleepovers, even tried them on and did a fake fashion show or acted as if had to sell them to each other at ridiculous prices. The hoodie’s fabric slowly warmed up and I opened my eyes, looking around her room. Her parents haven’t touched anything and I was reluctant to do so too, so I sat down on her bed and started playing with my fingers. The book I recommended to her to read was on her desk, bookmark somewhere at the middle of the book. She never got to read the mind-blowing plot twist, it made me sad, she would’ve loved it so much. Feeling a bit stuffy, I stood up and opened the window before going back to her bed and jumping on it, sprawling out on it. Yerim’s bed was always so comfortable, her blanket puffy, and bed covered in stuffed animals. I turned onto my stomach and started humming my favorite song as I stared up at the pictures above her bed, smiling as most were with the two of us. Our favorite pictures or just really silly ones. Yerim had big dreams compared to me, I was still struggling to decide what to do after high-school. My eyes went to her nightstand and I grinned when I noticed her favorite strawberry candy laying in her jar. It was the last one. I would always steal it, so I did just that. Hopefully, wherever Yerim was, she could see me right now and she’d be frowning and shaking her head at me. I loved annoying her like that. I unwrapped the candy and slowly ate it, chuckling at myself and how silly I must look. As I threw the wrapper on the nightstand, my eyes widened when I noticed her phone next to her lamp. Her parents must’ve placed it there. It surprised me for some reason, and as I reached for it and grabbed it, a twig snapped outside Yerim’s window and something hit the window. I gasped loudly and turned around, coming face to face with Soonyoung, as he had just climbed inside. I quickly placed Yerim’s phone in the hoodie’s pocket, something told me to hide it from Soonyoung.

“What are you doing here?!” I asked alarmed, heart beating fast from the scare. Soonyoung looked around before leaning against Yerim’s desk.

“I was running and saw light coming from her room—”

“So you just climb inside?!” I asked accusingly and Soonyoung shook his head.

“No, I didn’t meant to, but I saw it was you and—” He cleared his throat and looked down at the floor, “I don’t know…I just felt the need to talk to you.”

It made me realize this was the first time seeing him since Yerim’s funeral. And based on rumors, he wasn’t even supposed to be home.

“Are you okay? I haven’t seen you in school and Wonwoo wouldn’t talk about you.” I asked and Soonyoung looked up with a cold gaze, he looked tired.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was visiting my grandparents for a week, and I didn’t feel like going to school this week, so yeah.” Soonyoung explained and I nodded, taking in his posture. His shoulders were slumped and his forehead sweaty. He was out running, after all.

“And you?” Soonyoung cleared his throat, “Are you good?”

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, thinking through my answer, “On some days I’m good, on some days I can’t eat nor sleep. I’m feeling content at the moment, but maybe that’s because we’re standing in Yerim’s room and I’m wearing her hoodie and I can just trick myself into believing that she’s downstairs with her mom or taking a shower…”

Soonyoung nodded and crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking at the hoodie I was wearing, “That was her favorite.” I hummed and he licked his lips, starting to shake his head suddenly.

“You know—if only—” He scoffed and his eyebrows furrowed, “If only she wasn’t so stubborn. She just—she always refused to go out with me, never even gave me a chance. I tried to convince her so many times, you know, I was patient and nice, but—”

I watched as Soonyoung grew agitated and started walking up and down, “But I just couldn’t do it anymore, you know? It’s like, my brain just clicked and I snapped and—”

I was growing confused as I listened to Soonyoung rambling, what did he mean? Snapped and what?, “You snapped and what, Soonyoung?”

“I didn’t want to do it, I swear.” His voice grew low and when he stopped and faced me, he looked different. His expression was dark and his mouth was in a sneer. I gulped and stood up, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. Soonyoung didn’t seem to notice my discomfort as he hung his head low and sighed loudly.

“I just couldn’t help it…” I gasped. Those words again. What did he mean by them? He didn’t…no. This is Soonyoung, it’s impossible. He couldn’t have…no. He’s my boyfriend’s best friend, he’d never—he’s not a criminal!

“We should go.” I found my voice as I shook my head, growing afraid all of a sudden. Soonyoung was acting weird and I had to go home now. My words seemed to snap him out of his mumbling and he suddenly looked at me, face void of the previous darkness.

“You’re right…” He nodded and patted my shoulder, offering me a small smile, “Don’t tell her parents I climbed in though, I don’t want them to believe I did this often.”

I forced out a chuckle and watched as he climbed out the window and then jumped down, sneaking away from the Kim’s property. My heart was beating like crazy as I closed Yerim’s window and I clutched her phone firmly in my hand as I turned the light off and closed the door behind me. I always refused to listen to what Yerim has always told me, but maybe, just perhaps, there was something very wrong with Soonyoung.

           Today the sun seemed to finally come out, no rain clouds seemed to appear anytime soon. It was warm for an October day and I found myself sitting in the courtyard, drawing in my notebook to pass time. I wasn’t hungry, so it was useless to go to the Cafeteria. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so when this morning Wonwoo approached me and suggested going on a date after classes, I declined and told him I had to do some catching up in Biology class as I skipped the last two classes having felt unwell. He got moody and stormed off without a word, making me sigh. I was pushing away everyone from myself, but I didn’t know how else to cope with the loss of my best friend. It was the only thing that made me feel content. I drew some harsh lines, trying to create the skyline in my drawing, when I saw someone approaching from the corner of my eyes. I didn’t look up, thinking it was either Wonwoo or Soonyoung, but the girly scent which hit my nose once the person sat next to me on the bench made me turn my head and look at them. It came as a surprise to see Minatozaki Sana sitting next to me, Mina’s best friend. Her blonde hair was tied in a ponytail and she wore a sleeveless turtleneck underneath her cardigan. She looked better than on most days, but her eyes were quite empty. She was staring at me too and I blinked at her in confusion. We never really talked to each other; she was in an entirely different grade than I was.

“Hello.” She broke the silence and I cleared my throat.

“Hi.” I greeted back and looked down at her hand curiously as she extended it towards me.

“My name is Sana; we’ve never been formally introduced to each other.” She seemed like a very straightforward person. I nodded and shook her hand.

“Indeed, my name is Y/N.” Sana hummed and we let go of each other’s hands, “I’m sorry for you loss.”

“I’m sorry for your loss too.” Sana was quick to return my words and I chuckled humorlessly, bringing a sarcastic smile on her lips. She nodded at me and then turned away, gazing at the trees on the other side of the courtyard. I continued watching her, thinking she’d say something else, but she remained silent, even ignored me. Realizing our conversation ended here I shrugged and looked down at my drawing, continuing to draw those harsh lines. And like that, we sat in silence next to each other. Sana proceeded to take out a book and read, and in a weird way, it brought comfort to have someone sitting next to me. But it was weird, if it were Wonwoo or Soonyoung, they would’ve irritated me. Sana’s presence was relaxing, understanding. Words didn’t need to be exchanged, we understood. Our silence was louder than our words could’ve been. I found myself smiling, something I haven’t done in the past four weeks. I glanced at Sana from the corner of my eyes and she was smiling too, sneaking glances at me. Before we could say anything, we both started giggling and it felt so nice. It was so relieving, as if I released all the pent-up stress I had in my muscles.

“We must look so odd to someone if they have been watching us for the past fifteen minutes.” Sana said through her giggles and I shrugged my shoulders.

“That’s the nicest thing someone could be thinking about us at the moment.” I said and Sana nodded, our giggles coming to a stop. Neither of us had to say it, but after Mina’s death there were whispers about Sana. How she killed her best friend because she was jealous of Mina’s success as she was the cheerleading captain and just wanted her position. How they weren’t even friends and kept a façade because their families were friends. Some rumors spread about Sana being in love with Mina, who didn’t reciprocate her feelings, so Sana killed her in a fit of rage. They were awful. And as the students were gossiping about Mina, they were gossiping about me too. I heard the jealousy version too, the need for attention version too, and even the version where Yerim was in love with Wonwoo and I killed her because I couldn’t stand the thought. They were hilarious, but they still got to you after a while. Just last week, Wonwoo almost got into a fight because of a guy who dared to ask me how it felt plunging that knife into Yerim. If Wonwoo wouldn’t have punched the living daylight out of him, I would’ve definitely.

“Don’t let the gossips get to you, they are ridiculous.” Sana said with a roll of her eyes and I nodded, agreeing.

“I know, but they still get bothersome after a while…” I muttered and closed my notebook as the bell rang, signaling our break was over. Sana looked up at the sky for a second and then closed her book, placing it in her backpack.

“You could always just slap them, you know.” She said with a mischievous smile and I chuckled.

“Have you slapped anyone so far?” I asked and Sana pursed her lips.

“Of course, I have,” She stood up, “Johnny thought it was funny talking about my dead friend’s figure and how pitiful it was that he couldn’t sleep with her before she died.”

I didn’t know who this Johnny was, but he deserved that slap, “How disgusting.”

“Indeed.” Sana hummed and waited for me to pack my belongings and get up from the bench. We took off, headed to the side entrance to the school, when suddenly, the intercom went off and our principal’s voice came through.

“This is the principal speaking. I ask everyone to pack their belongings and head straight to the main entrance. All students have fifteen minutes to leave the premises, a dead body was found in the men’s bathroom on the third floor. I instruct everyone to leave right now, and do not try and approach said bathroom or there will be repercussions!” Sana and I stopped dead in our tracks and looked at each other before hurrying inside the school, you could only leave through the main entrance. The halls were full of students rushing to get out, it was chaotic. Everyone was pushing everyone around and I found myself reaching for Sana’s hand, keeping her close to me as a bigger guy almost ran into her. She thanked me quietly and we continued making our way towards the main entrance. My heart was racing and suddenly I was feeling sick. Another victim. Another crime. Who was it this time? And just as that thought crossed my mind, I suddenly felt my legs turn weak. Wonwoo. Where was Wonwoo? Soonyoung? Where were they? Were they fine? I couldn’t do this again. I felt like I was walking through water again, the entrance was just there, but it felt so far away. I felt Sana tugging on my hand and I followed her, trying to control my rigged breathing.

“Hey, look at me.” She said once we were outside and she pulled me to the side of the steps, “Breathe, Y/N, you’re turning red.”

I nodded and tried to take a deep breath, but my muscles were tense and I felt tears gather in my eyes, “Where’s Wonwoo?”

An understanding look crossed Sana’s face and she started looking around, “I am sure he is alright; he’s probably looking for you right now, just as scared. You need to breathe, Y/N.”

I nodded and closed my eyes, feeling Sana’s grip tightening on my hand, and I tried to breathe. It was hard at the beginning, my lungs seemed to refuse to listen, but at last I was able to take little breaths here and there. Before I could react to the disappearance of Sana’s grip, I was engulfed into a bear hug, held tightly to someone’s chest. I gasped and opened my eyes, my arms going around Wonwoo’s neck.

“Oh my God, you’re okay.” I whispered, a tear rolling down my cheek. Wonwoo’s breathing was shaky as well and he nodded, his hold crushing me.

“Yes, yes.” He whispered and kissed my head, “Are you hurt?”

“No.” I muttered and shook my head, pulling a bit back. Wonwoo’s eyebrows were furrowed and he was breathing hard, his hair fell into his eyes. I pushed it back and smiled at him, grateful that nothing happened to him. I really wouldn’t have been able to deal with losing him too in such a sort time after Yerim’s death. I leaned up and pressed a short kiss against his lips and I could feel Wonwoo’s muscles relaxing, his hold not tight anymore.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all break.” Wonwoo muttered, pushing my hair behind my ear.

“In the courtyard, I wasn’t hungry.” I answered and then looked down, “Sorry, I should’ve told you.”

Wonwoo shook his head and kissed my forehead swiftly, “No, it’s alright.”

I realized Sana was with me seconds ago and looked around, spotting her to our right, “Thank you.”

She smiled and nodded her head before she placed her backpack around her shoulders and started walking away. Wonwoo nodded at her and Sana greeted him back before disappearing in the crowd of people.

“You know her?” He asked quietly, almost sounding irritated.

“Not really, we talked for the first time today. But I knew who she was.” I explained and he nodded, looking off in the distance.

“You shouldn’t be friends with her.” Wonwoo sounded serious as his expression hardened and I stepped out of his hold, confused.

“Why?” But before he could answer me, Soonyoung came running up to us. His hair was disheveled and he was panting, a duffel bag in his hands. My eyebrows furrowed and I stepped back when he stopped next to me a little bit too close for my liking. I’ve been avoiding him since we met in Yerim’s room, scared of his sudden changes of mood. Soonyoung had a crazed look in his eyes and he was grinning from ear to ear as he looked at Wonwoo.

“Did you hear? The murderer killed someone again.” He sounded excited and my eyebrows furrowed when I saw Wonwoo’s lips twitching.

“Who was it this time?” Wonwoo asked, voice uncaring, but I didn’t miss the hint of smirk on his lips. I gulped, curious too, but a bit taken aback by the boys attitudes.

“Boo Seungkwan.” I gasped and took a step back again, eyes widening. I knew him. The two boys looked at me with raised eyebrows. I gulped and avoided their eyes, feeling uncomfortable.

“Are you sure?” I asked quietly, feeling a lump in my throat.

“One hundred percent, Y/N,” Soonyoung chuckled and he went and slung his arm around Wonwoo’s shoulders, “I was the one who found him.”

My head snapped up and I watched the two boys in front of me as they looked at each other and chuckled, and then my eyes fell on the duffle bag. It was zipped closed, but…it looked as if there was a darker spot on it. I squinted as I tried focusing on it, but Wonwoo’s voice caught my attention.

“Didn’t you know him, sugar?” He asked sweetly and I nodded, eyebrows furrowing.

“Yeah, I did, he—” I cleared my throat and scratched my arm in discomfort, “He’s been bullying me since kindergarten.”

“He must’ve had a crush on you, right, Wonwoo?” Soonyoung asked with a laugh and I grimaced, weirded out by their behavior and feeling bad for talking like that about a dead person.

“Well, he’s been put out of his misery, so, I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore.” Wonwoo’s voice was smug and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked at my boyfriend, who seemed amused by the whole situation. What was happening? Why were they reacting like this? Wasn’t Soonyoung supposed to be shaken up after finding a dead body? I shuddered, and Wonwoo noticed because his demeanor changed instantly and he shook Soonyoung off him and took a step toward me.

“Y/N, I’m—”

“I have to go.” I cut him off and hurried away before he could grab me and convince me to stay with the two of them. I glanced back when I was a good distance away from them and saw Soonyoung making some slashing motions with his hand while laughing and Wonwoo smirking at him as he dug his hands inside his pockets. There was something very wrong with Soonyoung, and I was getting more and more scared of him.  

           Despite the sun being out throughout the day, by the evening some dark clouds started gathering on the sky, lightning flashing in the distance. I sighed as I drew my curtains to the side and opened the window, letting some fresh air in before the rain could start. I figured we’d have another stormy night, great, my mom had the night shift again, I hated being home alone during storms. I could hear Byeol running up and down the hallway as I sat on my bed and I chuckled, she had the zoomies again. I was holding Yerim’s phone in my hands and I figured I couldn’t do much damage if I looked through her gallery. Before leaving the Kim’s house I asked if it was alright if I borrowed her phone for a while, and they said it was okay as long as I returned it. So, pulling my hair to the side I unlocked her phone and went to her gallery. She was very organized, even when it came to pictures. There were different folders for different themes, all labeled accordingly. I clicked on the one with our nicknames for each other and giggled at the first photo. It was taken when Yerim and I went to the movies and I accidentally got stuck in the bathroom as the lock was faulty. You could see my hands from above the stall and I remembered how loudly I was screaming as I had left my phone with Yerim. It was hilarious, but I prefer not repeating the incident. Then the next one was with her neighbor’s dog; she took a selfie as we both were petting it. Then there were a bunch of hilarious and cute selfies from our latest sleepover, a few pictures of Byeol, and our favorite picture which we took while hiking one day. I sighed and looked out the window, just in time to see the lightning strike again. The thunder followed almost immediately, but it wasn’t as loud as I expected it to be. I looked back down at Yerim’s phone and excited her camera roll, about to place her phone to the side, when Byeol came zooming inside my room, scaring the living daylight out of me. I yelped and watched as she stopped underneath my window before she jumped up on the sill, looking at me innocently. I grimaced at her and looked back down at the phone, having accidentally opened the call log. My eyes ran over the familiar names of people, mine being the last one. I was the last person Yerim called before she died. A lump formed in my throat and I gulped, noticing the unknown number underneath mine. Who could that have been? Maybe a scammer or a guy she newly met, however I doubted that was the case, she always saved the numbers she was talking to. Biting my lower lip, I debated calling the unknown number, but after all, I had nothing to lose. And curiosity was eating my alive. So, I clicked on the number and dialed it, waiting patiently for the person on the other side to pick up. However, a ringing sound not too far away from my window suddenly caught my attention and I knew I wasn’t hallucinating as Byeol’s ears perked up at the sound too. But before I could think more of it, my call was picked up, but there was only silence on the other end. My eyebrows furrowed as I stood from my bed and walked towards Byeol, lightly petting her head as I looked out my window.

“Hello?” I asked quietly, getting a strange feeling of being watched, so I closed the window and locked it quickly.

“Hi there, beautiful.” I jumped at the distorted voice. It sounded like a robot speaking, the voice was low but almost glitchy. I looked out the window, wondering who was this and why had they called Yerim?

“Who are you?” I asked curiously, figuring it was just someone playing a prank on me.

“Wouldn’t it be boring if I told you that?” The voice almost took a playful tone and I chuckled.

“Perhaps, it would ruin your fun too soon, right?” I decided to play along and the person chuckled.

“Smart girl, indeed, it would ruin my fun too soon.” There was a pause before they continued, “And I’m not done having fun yet.”

I hummed and started petting Byeol’s head again as she was staring out the window, “Why did you call Yerim?”

“I was just about to ask; how do you have your dead friend’s phone?” I paused for a second, eyebrows furrowing. So this person seems to know us well. First, they probably called Yerim and were pranking her and now they are playing with me. It’s probably one of our classmates then, Mark likes goofing around.

“You must know us well if you have her number.” I decided to feel around and try and find out who this was.

“Oh,” The person chuckled and it sent a chill down my spine, “I happen to know you very well, Y/N.”

I licked my lips and looked down at Byeol as she pulled her head away, having had enough of my petting, “Really? How?”

The person chuckled again and I watched as Byeol jumped down from the window sill and walked out of my room, “I can’t tell you all of my secrets just yet, beautiful, it’s our first time talking.”

“I don’t think it is,” I chuckled, “Mark.”

There was a pause before the person sighed, “Who’s Mark, beautiful?”

I rolled my eyes, amused, “Ha-ha, very funny. My classmate, obvious. You really like playing pranks on people, don’t you? I thought last week’s detention was enough for a lifetime.”

“What if I’m not Mark?” The voice sounded very serious all of a sudden and I bit my lower lip, tracing a rain drop on my window as it started lightly raining.

“Then who could you possibly be?” There was another lightning and I turned around when Byeol started meowing loudly in my doorway. She was hungry, again, “I’m bored of this game—”

I turned to face the window again but instead of finishing my sentence, I cut myself off with a loud scream. A masked person was standing outside my window, and I started shaking as I froze for a second. It was…a Ghostface.

“Auch, beautiful, that was loud.” The Ghostface whined and I quickly drew the curtains closed, pulling down the blinds too, “What are you doing? Let me see you—”

“Who are you?!” I cut the person off, almost screaming as I ran out of my room, Byeol following agitatedly behind me. I checked the front door quickly, making sure it was locked before I went to check the door in the living room as well.

“Just a Ghostface, beautiful.” The person answered nonchalantly and my heart started beating fast as I hid behind the sofa, pulling Byeol into my chest. She made no sound as she gazed at me with her big green eyes.

“Stop calling me beautiful!” I snapped and tried to take deep breaths, debating on calling the police from my own phone. Who was this? What did they want? Were they…were they here to hurt me? What if…what if they were the killer? I felt dread flush over my whole being and I swallowed my tears and blinked my eyes continuously. I had to stay focused, if I was in danger, I had to save myself somehow.

“Did I scare you, beau—”

“Did you kill Kim Yerim?” I cut the Ghostface off, voice shaky as I waited for an answer. The person’s laughter made me shudder and Byeol wrestled herself out of my arms and meowed loudly at me for holding her so tightly. I felt sorry, but I was scared, and I was trying to hold her close to myself in case we needed to escape.

“Maybe I did.” There was a pause and I gasped, “Maybe I didn’t.”

I sprung up to my feet, acting out of pure terror, as I ran up to my room and grabbed my phone. I was too scared to look out of my window to see if the person was still there. There was a loud thunder and I screamed as the line went dead, leaving me shaking. Was the Ghostface gone? Shakily, I placed Yerim’s phone on my desk and slowly raised the blinds, scared of seeing the Ghostface outside of my window still. But nobody was there. I was scared, shaking, and on the verge of crying. Byeol was downstairs and the rain started falling harder. I couldn’t stay alone tonight; it would kill my nerves. So I quickly unlocked my phone and dialed my boyfriend’s number, pacing up and down in my room as I waited for him to pick up. Something rustled outside of my window and I froze when I faintly heard Wonwoo’s familiar ringtone, but the thunder swallowing the sound was louder and it made me feel stupid. Why would Wonwoo be right outside my window unannounced either way? What was he? A burglar? Wonwoo picked up on the third ring.

“Hi—”

“Can you sleepover tonight?” I cut him off, words hurried as I fixed my eyes on my window, starting to shake again.

“Are you alright?” Wonwoo sounded concerned and I heard rustling on the other end.

“No, are you coming over?”

“I’m on my way.” Wonwoo said before hanging up and I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. This was good. I wouldn’t be alone. Wonwoo would come by and sleep here. I took deep breaths as I paced around my room, Byeol sat in the doorway and watched me with a confused look on her face. I chuckled when I looked at her and tried not to think about the Ghostface and our conversation. It freaked me out. Who was behind the mask? And why would they want to prank anyone in this kind of way? It was distasteful and creepy, I was scared. Just as Byeol meowed she reminded that I forgot to feed her, the doorbell rang. I paused and looked at Byeol, my heart suddenly racing again. Who was that? Wonwoo lived twenty minutes away from me and it wasn’t even five minutes since I had called him, it couldn’t have been him. Was it…the person wearing that Ghostface mask? My heart started beating fast again and I glanced at Byeol as she started meowing loudly and took off towards the front door. The doorbell rang again and I hurried after my cat, calling out her name quietly.

“Stop!” I whisper-shouted, motioning at her to come to me, but she was ignoring me. Her meows were loud and I cursed quietly as I creeped towards the front door, convinced that it wasn’t Wonwoo, but that masked person. I should call the police. Suddenly there was loud knocking on the front door and I jumped as Byeol glanced at me.

“Y/N?!” Wonwoo’s deep voice made me sigh in relief as I quickly unlocked the front door and opened it for him. His hair was drenched and his jacket and jeans were wet too, it was pouring outside now. Byeol started meowing as Wonwoo stepped inside and he smiled at her, kneeling down to muzzle his face against her head. Byeol loved Wonwoo and they always played together a lot when Wonwoo came over. But…how did he get here so fast?

“Wonwoo—you’re drenched.” I muttered suspiciously as I helped him out of his jacket. He suddenly looked at me with a wide smile, ruffling his hair.

“Yeah, I was on my way here when the rain started.” He said with a shrug and I hung his jacket on the hanger.

“But you got here really fast…” I trailed off and watched him take off his shoes before he gave Byeol a swift kiss.

“Oh, yeah, I was already on my way—”

“Why?” I asked accusingly, eyebrows furrowed, and arms crossed in front of my chest. There were too many weird things happening today, I was freaked out. I couldn’t decide if my thoughts were real or I was being delusional. Could I seriously not trust my own boyfriend anymore? But he gave me no reasons…

Wonwoo looked taken aback by my tone and words, “Uhm…I just wanted to surprise you? You told me your mom was working the nightshift and I know you hate storms…”

He was right, I was overreacting, “Yeah, I know, I’m sorry—it’s just, lately I’m so jumpy.”

Wonwoo smiled and approached me, cupping my cheeks, “I noticed, but it’s fine. Things will get better eventually.”

I nodded and kissed his lips, their warmth bringing a sense of tranquility as I stepped closer to him. Wonwoo’s grip got firmer and our lips started moving against each other as I circled my arms around his neck, his wet hair tingling my wrists. One of his hand’s gripped my waist, and I hummed when his familiar scent hit my nose. It felt nice kissing him, I’ve been keeping my distance from Wonwoo, feeling uncomfortable lately with any physical contact besides a brief hug. And this felt nice now. His familiar lips, and firm grip, musky scent, I realized I had missed them. Byeol’s loud meowing broke us apart and I chuckled as I pressed another kiss against Wonwoo’s lips.

“Poor cat, she’s hungry…can you feed her while I bring you a towel?” I asked and Wonwoo nodded with a smile, releasing me from his hold as I turned and headed to the bathroom. Byeol followed Wonwoo as they headed into the kitchen and I could hear him pouring the cat food into her little bowl. I got a clean towel and then walked to the kitchen, handing it to Wonwoo.

“Do you want tea or hot chocolate?” I asked with a grin as I grabbed two mugs. Wonwoo pursed his lips and pulled out his glasses from the pocket of his hoodie.

“It’s a hot chocolate kind of night.”

“Right?!” I asked with a chuckle and he nodded at me amused.

“Do you still have my spare clothes?’ Wonwoo asked and I chuckled as I glanced back at him.

“What do you think?” He smirked at me and pushed up his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose, “They are in the laundry room.”

Wonwoo thanked me and then walked away, leaving me with Byeol in the kitchen. While she quietly ate her food I prepared the hot chocolate for Wonwoo and I. He took his time to change out of his wet clothes and dried his hair with the towel as best as he could. When he joined us in the kitchen again, the hot chocolate were already ready and Byeol was somewhere off in the house, probably sleeping as she had just eaten. I handed Wonwoo a mug as he approached me and he thanked me with his signature gummy smile. I had always loved his smile, it made him look so cute. It was a nice contrast compared to his usual poker face. Wonwoo wasn’t very expressive usually, but when it was just the two of us, he could be very cute. He interlaced our fingers as we drank our hot chocolate and I giggled, raising my eyebrows at him.

“I missed you.” He whispered, looking down at his mug. I bit my lower lip and felt bad for pushing him away for so long, but I needed the space. I still do, but it’s not as bad as after the funeral.

“I’m sorry, I just felt uncomfortable around people after…” I trailed off and sighed, taking a sip of my hot chocolate. Wonwoo squeezed my hand.

“I understand you, and I’m not pressuring you in any way. It must hurt like hell losing your best friend.” I gulped a bit harder and glanced at Wonwoo briefly, noticing the change in his behavior. There it was again, the ghost of a smirk on his lips. It was confusing.

“Yeah, it hurts a lot. I hope the criminal is caught soon so that I can face them—”

“And what would you do?” Wonwoo sounded curious as he turned his body to face mine. I raised an eyebrow at him as I shrugged.

“That they are a piece of shit and I hope they rot away in prison until they get to root in hell.” Despite me being dead serious, Wonwoo started laughing and I pulled my hand out of his, slightly irritated.

“You’re hot when you get fired up, sugar.” Normally his compliments would leave me feeling giddy, but we were talking about the murderer of my best friend right now, there was nothing hot about it.

I shot Wonwoo a glare before walking to the sink to wash my mug, “I thought we were having a serious conversation, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo sighed and approached me, still sipping his hot chocolate, “Come on, I was just joking—”

“Well it’s not funny!” I snapped, looking at him, “Yerim was murdered and you’re telling me I’m hot when I talk about her murderer?!”

“No, that’s not hot, I was just saying you are—nevermind, I’m not in the mood to fight. You’ve been ignoring me for three weeks and when we finally get to spend some time together you’re just getting angry at me.” Wonwoo sounded accusing as he placed the mug forcefully in the sink and I rolled my eyes.

“What did you expect me to do? Jump in your arms the day after my friend’s funeral—”

“You didn’t have to push me away!” His voice raised and I turned to wash his mug too, hating it when he started getting loud while arguing, “I get that you don’t let me touch you, but you wouldn’t even speak to me, Y/N! If I knew you’d be like this I wouldn’t have let Soonyoung—”

I paused, turning to look at Wonwoo. He seemed speechless as he stared at me wide eyed, shaking his head. I turned off the water and faced him.

“What the hell are you even saying?” I asked confused, trying to comprehend his words but I didn’t understand what he was talking about. What had Soonyoung to do with our argument right now? What did he do?

“Nothing, I’m just—” Wonwoo shrugged and took a deep breath, composing himself, “I just missed you, that’s it. I hate arguing with you, you know that.”

“Yeah, well,” I scoffed and dried my hands in a towel, “I wouldn’t be arguing with you if you tried to understand my feelings—”

“I do understand.” He cut me off and my jaw clenched as I gave him a glare.

“I don’t feel it, but whatever, do you want to watch a movie or what?” Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood to watch anything, I just wanted to go to sleep, but I knew Wonwoo would bother me until I wasn’t grumpy.

“Do you want to watch one?” Wonwoo asked with a sigh, knowing that our previous conversation was over.

“No.” I muttered and he looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath.

“Do you want to go to sleep?” I nodded wordlessly and he pulled me into a hug, making me roll my eyes. I didn’t want to be hugged right now, but I didn’t push him away, just didn’t reciprocate the hug, “It’s still early to go to sleep.”

It wasn’t that early, but he was right, I would wake up during the night, probably, “Whatever, I want to go to bed.”

He groaned and suddenly I felt his hands gripping my thighs as I was hauled up, I yelped and grabbed onto him, “What are you doing?!”

Wonwoo said nothing as he took off and headed up the stairs, towards my room. He pushed the door open with his foot and walked towards my bed, before I could ask him to let me down, he fell forward, crushing me against the bed with his weight. I groaned as my bed’s mattress wasn’t soft.

“Wonwoo…” I muttered with a glare, grabbing his shoulders to push him off. He whined and didn’t move as he nuzzled his head in my neck, “You’re too heavy.”

“And you’re too grumpy.” He muttered and I slapped his shoulder, making him chuckle. I wanted him off, but he wasn’t budging. Before I could interject, he started pressing kisses against my neck, knowing well I was ticklish there, but I tried to keep my laughter in as I tried wrestling out from underneath him. Wonwoo was having the time of his life as he started laughing and tickling my sides too, making me cry out in despair as I hated being tickled.

“Stop! Wonwoo!” I tried to push his hands away, but it was futile. Wonwoo was giggling and quickly kissed my lips before he finally stopped tickling me, smiling at me mischievously. I glared at him and as I went to smack his arm, Byeol decided to join us as she jumped up on Wonwoo’s back. I started laughing as Wonwoo hissed, Byeol’s nails dug into his back, he deserved it after torturing me here.

“Hey, Byeol!” Wonwoo started shaking his back, trying to get my cat off of him, but it wasn’t working, so I started poking her, trying to get her off his back. And it worked, because Byeol jumped off and Wonwoo finally got off of me as well to start playing with my cat. He got on the floor and started pushing her lightly around, making Byeol land on her side as she started turning around, attacking Wonwoo’s fingers and jumping on his hand. I chuckled and left the two to play as I went to the bathroom to change into my pajamas and brush my teeth. I was too tired to shower, so I tried to be quick and when I walked back inside my room, Wonwoo and Byeol were still playing. I poked Byeol to rile her up more and she lunged for Wonwoo’s hand, making him hiss as I plugged in my phone. I looked at him and Wonwoo was glaring at Byeol.

“Did she scratch you?” I asked as Wonwoo got up and sat on my bed.

“Yeah.” He nodded and showed me his hand, two long, red, scratches decorating his hand. I pouted at him mockingly and kissed the scratches before laying down in my bed and pulling the blanket over my body.

“Don’t worry, soldier, those scratches won’t kill you for now.” I said mockingly and Wonwoo rolled his eyes, pulling the blanket over my head, but I managed to punch his bicep, making him groan. I giggled and pulled the blanket off, sticking my tongue out at him, “Are you coming to bed?”

“Nah,” Wonwoo stood and walked to my computer, “I want to play COD before I go to sleep.”

“Fine,” I muttered and closed my eyes, “but don’t stay up until late and check if we locked the front door before you come to bed.”

“Okay, mom.” Wonwoo muttered and I rolled my eyes, “Good night.”

“I love you.” I whispered and sighed, getting comfortable as Wonwoo turned off all the lights in my room and only left on the one at my desk. I heard Byeol moving around, no doubt she went to sleep in Wonwoo’s lap as he started playing Call of Duty.

           After Wonwoo left I had a whole three days to think about everything that’s been happening lately and they way Soonyoung and him were acting from time to time. It was getting quite obvious that there was something wrong with Soonyoung and it seems like only Yerim had noticed until now. The boy gets upset at the smallest of things and he’s always saying some fucked up shit about the people he doesn’t like, and it almost always involves a comment about how the Earth would be better off without them and that he could slay them in their sleep. I never paid attention to these comments because I thought he was just joking as he has always had a dark sense of humor. But it didn’t make sense why he was at the pool on the day Yerim died. I was the last person she called and somehow Soonyoung knew about her death. Was he perhaps nearby? But why would he be? Yerim refused to go on a date that evening, so there was no reason for Soonyoung to show up there. He was tough to deal with, but if he was told no, he wouldn’t bother you for a while. And his words kept bothering me still, ‘I just couldn’t help it’, what did he mean by them? What has he done? Wonwoo’s slip up about how he wouldn’t have let Soonyoung do whatever also didn’t sit right with me. I wished there was someone I could talk to about these crazy thoughts, but I knew how it would sound. Was I accusing Soonyoung of killing Yerim? Not exactly, but it started sounding like that. Was I suspecting my boyfriend’s best friend about being a murderer? I tried not to, but it was becoming difficult. So I decided to try and talk to him, sort things out with Soonyoung without accusing him of anything, just ask him all of the questions I desperately needed an answer to and everything would be alright. But Soonyoung started avoiding me, he wouldn’t talk to me if it was unnecessary and he’d only sit with me if Wonwoo was with us, and even then, he remained quiet. It was weird, Soonyoung talked a lot. I brought it up to Wonwoo and he said not to think too much about it as it was Soonyoung and his talkativeness depended a lot on his mood. I tried to explain to Wonwoo that I didn’t care about that, that it was his attitude which changed and that I wasn’t able to talk to him because he was avoiding me or ignoring me, but Wonwoo just shrugged it off and said that he didn’t notice anything weird with him. I knew it was futile to press the matter more, so I let it go and focused on other things. Sana and I started hanging out in the long breaks and it felt nice to have a girl to talk to again. However, one day, she freaked me out a bit.

“Did you notice how every murdered person has something to do with you so far?” She had asked as she took a bite of her sandwich. I had choked on my smoothie upon hearing her words.

“No? What are you talking about?” I had asked confused, goosebumps erupting on my skin.

“Well,” She had started saying as she gazed up at the sky, “Yerim was your best friend, you’ve known Seungkwan since you were little and well…you sort of knew Mina too, she was Wonwoo’s ex.”

Yes, I had known all these people, but I couldn’t follow Sana’s train of thought, “Yeah, but…it’s not like I’m the only one who knew them…”

“True,” Sana had hummed and then had looked at me, “Whatever, ignore what I said. I’ve just been thinking about it.”

So, we moved on with our conversation after that, however, her words made me think hard about what she had said. Somehow, she wasn’t wrong. I had known all three people, even if not from very close, they did have a significance in my life at some point, it made me shudder again. I thought about bringing it up to Wonwoo when we were hanging out after class, but I was scared he’d think I was going crazy. I was just desperate to find out who murdered and why my best friend, and all these other people. And what if I was the serial killer’s next target? Nobody was safe.

           Time flies by so fast you don’t even notice it. It feels like Yerim’s funeral was yesterday yet it’s Halloween already. Almost two months have had passed since losing her, and I was still getting used to it. I couldn’t say it was easier, but I was doing slightly better. Today was a particularly hard day as Halloween was Yerim and I’s favorite holiday. We’d always dress up in our favorite character at the moment and throw a small house party for our close friends. The rules were that we’d go trick or treating to each other and before midnight we’d gather at a bonfire and tell scary stories which have happened to us. It was a lot of fun each year and we couldn’t wait for it; however, it was my first Halloween without Yerim and it didn’t feel right. I was feeling nauseous all day long and quite moody as the weather had gotten colder too. Sana noticed my grumpiness and once I told her what the issue was she left me alone. Wonwoo wasn’t so understanding as we had talked about going to a Haunted House for fun months ago. He said he understood yet he was pressuring me in going with them. He promised it would be fun and that I shouldn’t stay at home and sulk all night long. I wasn’t sulking, I was trying to cope with the absence of my best friend, but it seemed like he didn’t understand that. So, very reluctantly, I agreed to go with him to the Haunted House. A few of his friends would be joining us, so I figured asking Sana if she’d like to come wouldn’t hurt anyone. She seemed quite excited once I told her and she promised to pick me up at around nine as Wonwoo wanted to go out beforehand with his friends. That was fine with me, I wasn’t in the mood to hang out with drunk teenage guys either way. They would get loud and pushy; I knew someone would bring up Yerim and it was the last thing I needed tonight. Mom was happy to see me going out and even encouraged me when I asked her to braid my hair. I wasn’t in the mood to go shopping for a costume, so I dressed in last year’s witch outfit. Nobody would care either way. Only Yerim actually cared, and she wasn’t here. Last year I was the one hosting the small party and I figured since I had a black cat I should dress up as a witch, it was a total success. Everyone loved the look and the vibes.

As nine o’clock approached, Sana texted me that she was right outside my house and after mom kissed my cheek and told me to have fun I left the house and jogged up to Sana’s extravagant car. They were quite rich and despite her being humble, her things screamed rich girl vibes.

“Hi!” She greeted me excited and I waved at her as I sat inside the car, “How are you?”

I sighed and closed the door, “Well, I had better days.”

“You look amazing though,” She patted my thigh and I nodded wordlessly, “If at any point you feel uncomfortable and want to come home, don’t feel hesitant to tell me. I’ll drive you.”

I felt my heart warming at her comment and gave her a genuine thankful smile, “Thank you.”

Sana wasn’t Yerim, and she’d never be, but it felt nice to have someone who was so understanding and kind. She’s shown me nothing but kindness since we started talking and it was refreshing. Sana was soft spoken and quiet usually, she didn’t speak unasked and often times we’d just sit in silence next to each other, enjoying each other’s presence. She was the total opposite of Yerim, yet we seemed to get along well. Sana made me feel seen and understood when nobody else could, perhaps that’s why I felt a little attached to her. I could only hope that she felt the same about me and didn’t think I was cold to her.

Once we got to the Haunted House the place was buzzing with people, everyone was excited for the new addition of the Amusement Park. It was a Halloween special and it was the first year they had opened a Haunted House for Halloween. Yerim would’ve loved coming here, we’ve discussed our outfits for tonight quite often and how much fun we’d have at the Haunted House, but now I had to do all of that alone. I owed it to her at least. Finding Wonwoo wasn’t hard as he and his friends had come with their bikes and they were gathered at the entrance of the Park, being loud and annoying. Sana followed after me as I was headed their way. I spotted Wonwoo next to his motorbike and walked towards him, catching his attention when I got nearby. He grinned at me and opened his arms once I was next to him, pulling me in a big hug.

“Hello, beautiful.” I smiled and pulled back, kissing his cheek. His friends got quiet and I faced them, waving at everyone. They greeted me back and I glanced at Sana before clearing my throat.

“This is Sana,” I introduced her to everyone, and starting from our left started introducing the boys, “That’s Minghao, Vernon, Soonyoung and Jeonghan.”

“Nice to meet you!” Sana smiled and the boys quickly greeted her, Minghao shaking her hand and introducing himself individually too. I chuckled and looked at Wonwoo who was smirking. Minghao wasn’t very interested in girls, but when he was, he made it quite obvious and Sana was a gorgeous girl. Jeonghan was smirking to our right as he watched me and I noticed, so I raised my eyebrows at him.

“Looking quite ravishing, Y/N.” Jeonghan said in a flirty tone and I felt Wonwoo’s arm tightening around my shoulders. Jeonghan was quite flirty, even with me. I used to think he was annoying, but after getting to know him better, I realized he flirted even with his guy friends, I figured it’s just the way he was. Besides, he was no threat when it came to Wonwoo, I was too in love with my boyfriend to find any other guy interesting enough. Sometimes I wished Wonwoo understood that too and stopped being jealous, but I figured he was just the possessive type.

“Thank you, interesting choice of outfit, Jeonghan.” I commented, making Soonyoung laugh as he pushed off his bike. I glanced at him but he was avoiding eye contact, still.

“Who dresses up as a cat, Jeonghan?” Soonyoung teased but Jeonghan just shrugged and pushed his long hair behind his shoulders.

“I do, why? Are you falling in love with me?” Jeonghan started leaning towards Soonyoung who flicked him off and grabbed his backpack off his bike.

“Yeah, right.” He muttered sarcastically and Minghao smiled, speaking up.

“Are we going in then?”

“Yes, let’s go!” Vernon said with excitement lacing his voice and I nodded, sighing quietly. Wonwoo noticed and looked down at me.

“Are you alright?” He asked quietly as we took off towards the ticket booth. I nodded and pressed a kiss against his lips, bringing a smile on his face. He bopped our noses together before we joined the others in line, waiting to buy our tickets too.

           The night seemed to be going well, everyone was having fun. Sana and Vernon seemed to be hitting it off quite well, much to Minghao’s disappointment. Jeonghan kept giggling as Minghao continued sulking while we watched Sana and Vernon play a shooting game in order to win a pink teddy bear. Sana really wanted it, but after missing almost all targets she walked away sulkily and that’s all it took Vernon to try his luck, and he seemed to be doing really well.

“Does our little Vernon have a new crush?” It was the first time in a while Soonyoung addressed me directly and I looked at him surprised. Was he done ignoring me and avoiding me?

“Who knows, but I don’t blame him.” I said with a shrug and Soonyoung looked at me.

“Good for him, she never liked me.” Soonyoung sounded a little bitter and it made me remember that Wonwoo and Mina once were together, of course Soonyoung and Sana knew each other. But I didn’t know he was into her…much like he was into Yerim as well. Interesting pattern, I thought to myself as my eyebrows lightly furrowed. Soonyoung seemed to notice and he cleared his throat, looking off in the distance.

“Do you want some cotton candy?” He asked as he took out his wallet.

“No, thank you, Wonwoo is buying some caramel popcorn for us.” I declined nicely and Soonyoung nodded.

“I’ll be right back.” He said before walking off to the cotton candy booth, buying one for himself. I continued watching Vernon and Sana as they both laughed, trying their luck for another plushie, this time it was a blue shark. Wonwoo was buying popcorn not far away and Jeonghan and Minghao decided to ride a very scary looking roller-coaster. They didn’t want to come to the Haunted House with us so we agreed to meet in an hour at the Ferris-wheel as we had to wait a little for our tour at the Haunted House. They only let in around ten people at every half an hour. Chuckling at Vernon’s dramatic fail at hitting the last target, I noticed someone in my peripheral vision. The person seemed to be approaching me and as I turned my head a wide smile erupted on my lips. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was Seonghwa, my ex-boyfriend. He was my first serious boyfriend and I only had fond memories of him. We parted on friendly terms and have been civil with each other ever since. He moved away two years ago, so it was a surprise to see him here.

“Seonghwa!” I exclaimed as I ran up to him and engulfed him in a hug. He giggled and hugged me back just as tightly. He had gotten taller since the last time we saw each other. He still had that bubble gum scent, it made me giddy.

“Y/N, I would’ve never thought we’d meet here of all places!” He said with a laugh as we let go of each other and took a small step back.

“Right?!” I chuckled as we smiled widely at each other, “I didn’t even know you were back in town!”

“Yeah, it’s a brief visit, so I didn’t tell anyone.” He scratched his nape awkwardly, “I wasn’t even supposed to be here, but San and Wooyoung dragged me here because of the Haunted House.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s a hot topic at the moment. I wasn’t in the mood to come, but I promised Wonwoo we’d go so…” I trailed off with a sigh and Seonghwa nodded.

“How is he?” He asked with a polite smile and I shrugged, looking around for him.

“He’s fine, just the usual.” I answered and Seonghwa nodded.

“I, uh—” He cleared his throat, “I heard what happened to Yerim. I’m very sorry for your loss. She didn’t deserve that.”

I looked away and gulped, hating that she was the topic, but I knew Seonghwa didn’t mean bad, “Thank you, she really didn’t. She was taken from us so early…”

Seonghwa gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, “I’m always here for you, I hope you know that.”

“I do.” His words brought a smile to my face, even after breaking up, Seonghwa was always there to support me and cheer me up until he had to move away. He was a kind soul always looking out for others, “How’s your grandma?”

“She’s the reason I’m visiting, actually, she’s not doing so well.” Seonghwa’s voice lowered and he looked down, it was my turn to offer him a reassuring pat.

“I’m sad to hear that, I hope she gets better.” Seonghwa nodded and I could hear them before seeing them. Wooyoung was almost screaming as he was telling San to let him go to the teddy bear booth. He wanted to get the blue shark Vernon lost, but San wasn’t letting him as he had spent too much money already. Seonghwa and I looked at each other before we burst out laughing.

He shook his head and sighed tiredly, “I better go and do some damage control before we get kicked out.”

I laughed and nodded, ushering him away, “When are you going to the Haunted House?”

Seonghwa glanced at his wrist watch, “In about ten minutes.”

“Oh, that’s great! Us too!” Seonghwa had an excited smile on his face as he waved at me and quickly ran up to San and Wooyoung, who were full on arguing by now. I chuckled and shook my head, but quickly jumped when someone gripped my arm.

“Who was that?” Wonwoo’s deep voice whispered in my ear and I turned to face him with a grin.

“Seonghwa!” I answered him and Wonwoo hummed as he released me and looked after Seonghwa who was now standing in between San and Wooyoung, talking and making exaggerated hand gestures. I had to laugh as I watched them. Wonwoo had known about Seonghwa, but he’s never seen him in person. Wonwoo and I started dating a few days after Seonghwa moved away.

“And those two idiots are his best friends, San and Wooyoung.” I explained to Wonwoo as he started eating our popcorn, “They are very loud, argue almost all the time and like to cause trouble. Poor Seonghwa…sometimes I pity him for having left him alone with those two devils.”

Wonwoo gave me a quick glance before he interlaced our fingers and pulled me away, walking us towards the Haunted House, “Well you’re not their mother, so I’m glad I stole you away.”

I rolled my eyes and gave Wonwoo a look, “You didn’t steal me away, dumbass, Seonghwa and I had broken up a year before I started dating you. The only thing you stole is my heart.”

My last comment brought a smug grin on Wonwoo’s lips and he kissed me before acting like nothing happened, “I love you.”

I laughed and leaned closer to him, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

Wonwoo looked at me from the corner of his eyes, “You did.”

“No, I didn’t.” I shook my head and pouted at him.

“Yes, you did.”

“How could I, everyone is so loud and you were speaking so quietly.”

“I love you.” Wonwoo said with a groan, louder this time, and I giggled as I punched his stomach playfully and grabbed some popcorn into my hands. He rolled his eyes and rested his arm around my shoulders as we spotted the others in front of the Haunted House staying in line and joined them.

            The Haunted House was a twenty-minute walk and it was quite well done. I got a good scare right as we started the tour, a killer doctor jumped in front of Wonwoo and I, and I screamed the loudest, scaring Sana and Vernon who were behind us. Wooyoung and San, who were at the front with Seonghwa, started laughing at me and I stuck my tongue out at Wooyoung. However, he got his payback when a black fake spider was dropped on his head and he almost passed out from screaming so loud, making the whole group erupt in loud laughter. Vernon seemed to like their vibes as he dragged Sana to the front to be with them and I chuckled as I looked at Wonwoo.

“San and Wooyoung can be fun people, but they tire you out very quickly.” I told my boyfriend as we walked through a very dark zone, ghostly voices coming from the speakers. I was holding his hand tightly and I could feel his shoulder grazing mine lightly.

“Did you spend a lot of time with them?” He asked curiously.

“I did,” I chuckled, remembering all the fun I used to have with them and Seonghwa, “On Friday’s we’d go to the diner and after we’d go karting, it was a lot of fun. It was a tradition of ours which was started by Wooyoung.”

“Sounds nice,” Wonwoo muttered and then I felt him squeezing my hand when we heard footsteps running behind us, “Why don’t we have something similar?”

His question made me think. I didn’t exactly know, maybe because Wonwoo didn’t invite me to hang out with his friends quite often, so I wasn’t very close to them besides Soonyoung, “I don’t know, I figured you don’t like it when I hang out with you and your friends.”

“That’s not true,” Wonwoo scoffed as a marionette was hung in front of us, dangling limply and I flinched, “I don’t mind you hanging out with us.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I told him as we were partially blinded by green neon lights, “You never told me that though. And you never invited me out with you guys either…”

Wonwoo was silent as he glanced at me and stepped in front of me when a man dressed in Frankenstein ran towards us. I could hear Sana giggling in the next room and I pulled Wonwoo after me, entering the room just in time to see Wooyoung threateningly throwing punches at a skeleton and cussing at it. San was laughing loudly and Seonghwa was apologizing to the masked man as he clutched his shoulder. Sana and Vernon were watching it unfold with amusement, and I chuckled as Wonwoo and I approached them.

“What did he do this time?” I asked Seonghwa while pointing at Wooyoung, but it was San who answered me.

“The vampire jumped out of its coffin and Wooyoung punched it.” It made me laugh too as Seonghwa dragged his friend away from the skeleton before bowing at the vampire guy again. The guy just told us to go on and went back inside his coffin.

“Ah, Y/N, finally!” Wooyoung exclaimed once he saw me talking to San and ran up to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders as he pulled me with himself to the front. I glanced back at Wonwoo, but he just smiled and nodded, joining Vernon and Sana at the back of the group. Soonyoung and the other three people who came with us seemed to be much more ahead of us, so our little group stuck together.

“I hear you’ve been causing problems all night long, Wooyoung.” I narrowed my eyes at my friend and he chuckled, placing a hand on his chest.

“Non-sense, was it Seonghwa who told you that? You know he’s always lying and overreacting!” I chuckled as Seonghwa slapped the back of Wooyoung’s head and San glanced back at us with a grin before he opened the next door. The room was pitch black and I gulped, a bit nervous about entering it. I knew Wooyoung wouldn’t release me, he knew I hated the dark, but I still preferred being with Wonwoo right now.

“It’s good that our gang is back together.” It was San who was talking and I lightly ran into him as he stopped to wait for us. He seemed unbothered by the whole tour and was just laughing at everything and making fun of Wooyoung any chance he got.

“Yeah, I missed you.” Wooyoung said and squeezed my shoulder as I lightly held onto his hoodie, scared a bit. I knew Seonghwa was next to me, on my left, and San in front of me and the others behind, but I still felt uneasy.

“I missed you too, although you’re being a pain in the ass—”

“Am not!” Wooyoung exclaimed and soon screamed as a strong light was flashed in our faces and fake bats came flying towards us. I screamed too and ducked as I held onto my head, scared they’d get entangled into my braided hair. San was laughing as he caught one and started antagonizing Wooyoung with it, running after him as they ran into the next room. Seonghwa was quick to approach me and help me stand, but Wonwoo was by my side instantly, and the two looked at each other as each held my arm. I chuckled awkwardly and shook off their grips, standing up on my own.

“Sorry, I hate bats.” I muttered embarrassed as Vernon and Sana walked by us.

“I know.” Both boys said at the same time and I felt awkward as they looked at each other before Wonwoo cleared his throat and Seonghwa scratched his nape.

“Uhm, let’s go?” I proposed and they both nodded as we took off, Seonghwa going in front of us as I intertwined my fingers with Wonwoo, who was glaring at the back of my ex-boyfriend’s head.

“Stop it.” I whispered at Wonwoo and his jaw clenched, “Wonwoo, you know he means no harm.”

“I don’t like it when other guys touch you, Y/N.” Wonwoo snapped at me and I sighed, side eyeing him.

“Jesus, he just tried to help me up—”

“I was there already; he didn’t have to.” Wonwoo’s voice raised lightly and I stopped walking and faced him as I was sure Seonghwa could hear it all and I didn’t want to make him feel more uncomfortable.

“Can you stop acting like this? Have I given you any reason to be jealous, Wonwoo?” I called out my boyfriend and he rolled his eyes, releasing my hand.

“You have no trouble being so friendly with him.”

“Maybe because we remained friends?!” I exclaimed and Wonwoo just sighed, walking by me, “Seriously?”

“What? I’m curious what’s in the next room.” He muttered and I rolled my eyes as I followed after him. What a way to ruin the little fun I started having. I just sighed as I followed behind Wonwoo, not even interested anymore in the Haunted House and all of the different masked people jumping out in front of me, trying to scare me. Seonghwa was back at the front, San and Wooyoung pulling him in all kinds of directions as he didn’t turn around anymore, keeping his distance. I felt bad for him and reminded myself to apologize for Wonwoo’s behavior, reassuring him that he did nothing wrong and Wonwoo sometimes overreacted. There were flashing lights in the room we were in currently and ghosts hung from the ceiling as people were screaming through the speakers. I sighed and shielded my eyes, the lights hurting them as I hurried towards the last door. The others were outside already and I was left behind, I didn’t notice that everyone walked out while I was getting lost in my thoughts. Just as I was about to touch the doorknob, a dressed up person jumped in front of me, blocking my way. I gasped and jumped back, eyes widening when I came face to face with a Ghostface. The person wore a black gown and a real looking knife was in its hand. My heart started racing and I started backing away from the person, getting flashbacks from the night they had shown up at my house.

“What—what are you—” The Ghostface chuckled and slowly approached me.

“I’m a Ghostface.” The voice was still as glitchy, but lower than the one I had talked to on the phone, “Hello, beautiful.”

I shuddered at the words and gulped, “Who are you?”

The person behind the mask chuckled and twirled around, “An actor? Hired by the Haunted House?”

My heart was racing, but their words seemed to calm me down a little bit. Of course, we were at the Haunted House and this person was an actor hired to scare people. And they did a good job at scaring me.

“Right, sorry—” I chuckled, “You gave me a good scare.”

“That’s my job.” The Ghostface bowed and I smiled, “Did you enjoy the tour?”

“Are you this nice and talkative with everyone?” I raised my eyebrows as I held my hands behind my back. The Ghostface started circling me, making me turn my head to see them.

“Only with the beautiful ones.” They answered and I rolled my eyes, not into cheesy flirting.

“How cheesy.” I muttered and the Ghostface seemed to laugh as they came to a stop in front of me. It looked as they looked down before raising their head back up and I saw the knife glinting in the dim light as it lightly touched my chin and they raised my head with it. The air caught in my throat a little as I felt the sturdiness of the knife. It was either a very real looking and feeling prop or it was a real knife.

“And tell me…do you like bad guys?” The Ghostface asked smugly and I laughed nervously.

“Not really.”

“Isn’t your boyfriend a bad boy?” Well, that’s not how I’d describe Wonwoo if someone asked me. He looked like a bad boy, but he was actually a very nice and loving guy.

“Not really,” I chuckled and quietly let out a sigh when the person lowered the knife from my chin, “He’s well raised and really nice.”

“And do you love him?” Wasn’t this Ghostface a little too curious?

“Of course I do.” I said matter of factly and the Ghostface hummed just as the door opened. Light poured in from the outside and I squinted until the door was closed again. I instantly recognized the person once my eyes adjusted to the light again, it was Seonghwa.

“Y/N, are you alright?” He asked worriedly as he walked up to me, “I saw you weren’t with the group and nobody knew where you were.”

I smiled at him sweetly and nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. I just fell behind accidentally and Ghostface over there seemed to be quite interested.”

Seonghwa looked over to where the Ghostface stood and his eyebrows furrowed, “Oh? They didn’t show up when we walked through this room.”

I turned to look at the Ghostface as well and I gulped as dread washed over me, slowly realizing what was happening, “Seonghwa—” But before I could scream at him to run, the Ghostface charged at us and I yelped as they pushed me to the ground and pinned Seonghwa to the wall. I watched wide eyed as Seonghwa struggled against them and as I got to my feet, I saw the Ghostface raise their knife. My heart stopped for a second and I didn’t even realize I had screamed as the knife slashed Seonghwa’s abdomen. He cried out in pain and the Ghostface stepped back a bit as he angled their knife at Seonghwa’s stomach. I was shaking, but I couldn’t just sit on the ground and watch as they murder my ex-boyfriend.

“Y/N, run!” Seonghwa exclaimed as the Ghostface poked his stomach, but I was fast enough and got up in time and ran over, knocking the Ghostface aside. They gasped in surprise and I could feel their gaze burning into me through the mask. I turned to face Seonghwa and with shaky hands caught him as he slid down the wall.

“No, Seonghwa!” I exclaimed, hand getting bloody as I pressed it against his smaller wound, momentarily not knowing what to do.

“Get out!” Seonghwa whispered as he grimaced in pain, pulling out his phone. I turned around and came face to face with the Ghostface, gasping at the proximity. I didn’t know who was behind the mask, but I wasn’t about to go down without a fight. I punched their shoulder and took the knife out of their hand, throwing it on the ground as I started punching their abdomen. The Ghostface groaned and tried catching my hands, struggling to do so until they had me pinned against the wall. I tried fighting myself out of their hold, but they were stronger.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” The Ghostface said breathlessly and I glared at them, kneeling them, making them double over.

“You shouldn’t have hurt my friends!” I screamed and kneeled them in the stomach this time, sending the person onto the ground. I ran back to Seonghwa and saw him trying to call the cops, but there was no signal inside.

“Let’s go.” I whispered and tried to control my shaking as I attempted to help Seonghwa stand, but just as he warned me, I was tackled to the ground. I screamed again, and suddenly, a hand was muffling my screams. A bare hand. Long fingers, warm, soft palm. My heart was beating like crazy and I felt a tear run down my cheeks when I noticed the Ghostface holding the knife again. Was I about to die too? But they didn’t move, we were just staring at each other. The hold on my mouth seemed to loosen and I glanced down at it, heart jumping in my throat when I noticed two long, red scratches on the person’s hand. Why did they look like cat scratches? Why did their hand feel like Wonwoo’s? A groan to our right got both of our attention and I saw Seonghwa approaching us, almost stumbling, but as the Ghostface got off of me, Seonghwa swung his fist at the person’s jaw, sending them stumbling into the wall. I got up and grabbed Seonghwa, placing his arm around my shoulders as I held his hip and we made a run for the exit. He was groaning in pain but still remained strong as we could hear the Ghostface shuffling around and catching up with us, but just as I felt them gripping onto Seonghwa’s shoulder, I kicked the door open, light flooding the room. Everyone was standing there, waiting for us probably, and when they saw the blood coating Seonghwa’s torso and my hands, chaos erupted. Wooyoung ran up to us in despair and started shouting things, asking what happened as I yelled out for them to call an ambulance. Vernon rushed up to us and helped Wooyoung as they took Seonghwa’s weight off of me and carefully placed him on a nearby bench as San called for an ambulance. Sana was by my side instantly and I realized my whole body was shaking as I looked around for familiar faces. She was talking to me, but I was searching for one person. Jeonghan and Minghao looked shocked as they stood helplessly by the bench, watching Seonghwa struggling to stay awake. Wooyoung was freaking out and San was holding onto him tightly as they talked to Seonghwa, trying to divert his attention from the pain. Vernon was trying to stop the bleeding as his father is a doctor and he knows this and that. Soonyoung was off to the side, looking almost sick yet unimpressed as he talked on the phone with someone. And Sana was hugging me tightly, saying reassuring things to me which I was unable to hear due to my ears ringing. Wonwoo. Wonwoo wasn’t anywhere to be seen. I gulped and hugged Sana back, hearing the ambulance sirens in the distance. Wonwoo wasn’t here with us.

           My mother was reluctant to let me go to school the next day, understandably so. I barely got any sleep after last night’s incident. As Seonghwa was placed inside the ambulance and driven to a hospital, two detectives approached the rest of us and started their questioning. We were brought to the side separately and asked to retell our whole night. Of course, I was the one they questioned first as they knew I was inside with Seonghwa when the attack happened. I was shaken up and on the verge of crying, but surprisingly, Wooyoung and San stood by my side and tried to cheer me up until my mother got to us. After finishing my retelling of story, I walked to the side and sat down, curling into a ball as I felt arms holding me. It was Sana and she remained quiet as she tried to offer me some support. I appreciated her gesture, but I would’ve preferred being left alone at the moment. My mind was swirling with questions and I was frightened out of my mind. Wonwoo was nowhere to be seen and I couldn’t help but think he was the one behind the mask. Could it really be my boyfriend? The killer? I bit my lower lip at the thought and my head whipped up as I heard Wonwoo’s deep voice, laced with terror and panic as he was asking around for me. Just as we made eye contact, the two detectives stepped in front of him and brought him aside to question him as well. I could feel his gaze on me, but my mother had arrived and she was by my side in an instant, helping me up and she gave me tightest hug ever. I started crying when I felt her arms around me and she quietly shushed me, thanking Sana for sitting with me. She noticed San and Wooyoung too, nodding at them as a small greeting before she walked me towards her car. I didn’t talk to Wonwoo that night, but perhaps it was good, because I had no idea what I could’ve said to him.

Mom insisted on driving me to school this morning and I didn’t object; I wasn’t in the mood to ride the bus and act as if I didn’t feel my classmates burning gazes. I knew everyone would whisper about me again. I hated this all. I hated the killer. I hated that Yerim wasn’t here. And I hated the fact that I was helpless and couldn’t help a person who once was so dear to me. Thankfully, Seonghwa got to the hospital in time as he was losing blood fast and since he was stabilized quite quickly, he’d survive. I asked my mother to stop by his ward from time to time, to check up on him. She complied happily and told me she’d update me; I was really thankful. Before getting out of her car, I kissed my mother’s cheek, making her smile sadly at me. I had dark bags underneath my eyes and despite tying my hair up, it looked like a mess. I felt miserable, and I looked miserable. The baggy clothes weren’t helping much to offer me comfort, all I could do was sigh and pull the hood of my hoodie over my head and walk to my classroom. Everyone seemed to have eagle eyes, because as soon as I opened the entrance door, people noticed me. Some started instantly whispering, there were a few who were ignoring me or stepping out of my way as if I would hurt them, some would stop conversing and stare at me like I was some sort of freak. I hung my head low and walked up to my locker, opening it to place my backpack inside it. I sighed as I got my science book and two notebooks out, off to walk to my classroom. Sana texted me that she wasn’t feeling well and she wouldn’t attend school today, apologizing for leaving me alone. I didn’t text her back, but I appreciated her letting me know. Surprisingly it was San and Wooyoung who approached me as I was walking up the stairs.

“Couldn’t sleep?” I heard San asking me and I raised my head, eyes wide.

“Oh, I didn’t see you—” Wooyoung had a warm smile on his lips and I looked back down at the ground, “Yeah, I couldn’t sleep.”

“Us neither.” Wooyoung muttered and San cleared his throat, “We visited Seonghwa before coming to school.”

“How is he?” I asked quickly, looking back up at the two boys.

“He’s in pain, but he’s doing good despite that huge cut—” San elbowed Wooyoung and I gulped, averting my eyes from them, “I mean, he’s fine, don’t worry. He asked us to tell you that he’s grateful you saved him and he hopes you’ll visit him when you feel ready.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded at the two boys wordlessly, “Thank you.”

“No problem, you know where to find us.” San smiled and bumped his shoulder with mine lightly as we got to my floor, they had to go up one more flight of stairs. I nodded at them and they waved as they took off. I sighed and took off too, headed towards my classroom, the hallway not as packed as downstairs. A few students glanced at me but seemed to ignore me mostly, it made me feel slightly better. Not too good, but at least they weren’t staring or whispering. As I looked up, I suddenly froze. Wonwoo. He was standing next to my classroom’s door, leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets as he was biting his lip, looking anxious. I gulped and slowly approached him, wary still. His head turned and when he noticed me he pushed off the wall and approached me, instantly pulling me into a hug. I felt tears in my eyes as I buried my head in his chest and Wonwoo rubbed my back up and down. I grabbed his jacket and tried to keep silent as I started crying, scared and confused. How could I think it was Wonwoo? My loving boyfriend. I was so scared something happened to him. But why was he not outside when everybody else was?

“I’m so glad—” Wonwoo’s voice was low and raspy, as if he had been screaming all night long, “I’m so glad you’re alright. I was so scared—I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you from that criminal, I—”

“Where were you?” I found myself whispering, desperately needing an answer to this one question only.

Wonwoo remained silent before he sighed, “I caught up with Soonyoung and then I went to the bathroom, when I got back everything had already happened—”

“Okay,” I whispered and sniffed, pulling my head back to look at him, “Don’t blame yourself. I’m fine and Seonghwa will recover.”

Wonwoo’s jaw clenched and as I was looking up at him, my eyes fell on his jawline. There was a small bruise forming, slightly greenish already. My eyebrows furrowed and I felt my heart starting to beat fast. Seonghwa—he punched the Ghostface in the jaw, same exact location, before we ran out. I gulped, hands slightly shaking, as I took Wonwoo’s right hand and interlaced our fingers, bringing it up to my eye level. Wonwoo watched me wordlessly, eyebrows slightly furrowed. I maintained eye contact as I brought his hand to my lips, pressing a kiss against it. And just before lowering it, I glanced down, and my blood ran cold. There. On his hand. Red scratches which Byeol left on him when they were playing. His hand, bare. Long fingers, warm, soft palm. I shivered and stepped back, releasing his hand as I tried to act nonchalant. Wonwoo watched me confused as I stumbled over my words.

“I—I have to go—” I opened the classroom door, avoiding eye contact, “I’m late.”

“Y/N—” But I stepped inside the classroom and slammed the door shut, biting my lower lip, whole body shaking as I approached my desk and sat down. It was Wonwoo last night. Right? Was it really him? What do I do?

           My mother tried to switch her shifts with a nurse she was friends with, but she couldn’t make it. She didn’t want to take the night shift tonight, worried to leave me home alone, but I reassured her I would be fine. In fact, I felt like shit and didn’t want to be alone, but remained silent and decided to have a Harry Potter marathon, that way I wouldn’t fall asleep and could wait for my mother to return home in the morning. It was a Friday, so it would work out. I desperately needed a good sleep, but I could deal with that later. I cooked some dinner for myself and played with Byeol, but after she got bored and went to sleep in my room, I decided to take a shower and start the movie marathon. I definitely lost track of time while showering, because my phone kept ringing, but I didn’t feel like answering. My mother would never call me while working, so I knew it was Wonwoo. But I didn’t want to talk to him. My mind was a mess and I didn’t know what to believe anymore. He couldn’t be the killer, but some signs were pointing at him and it was eating me up alive. I was scared and confused. My gut told me to sleep on it and ask him tomorrow, but for some reason staying away from him felt most comforting. Getting out of the shower I got dressed in sweatpants and Yerim’s favorite pink hoodie, eyeing Wonwoo’s sweater resting on my chair. He left it here when he slept over and told me to keep it until he’d sleep over again. Brushing my fingers against it as I towel dried my hair with one hand, I shivered. Its scent once brought comfort, but now I felt uncomfortable. Byeol was sitting on my bed and for once it wasn’t storming outside, I was thankful. Just as I placed my towel on my desk, my phone rang again. I sighed and walked up to it as it was charging on my nightstand, and despite expecting it to be Wonwoo calling, it was an unknown number. My eyebrows furrowed and my heart started racing as I remembered the time when I spoke with the Ghostface on Yerim’s phone. I took my phone and walked to the window, looking through the curtain.

“Hello?” I asked as I picked up the call, chewing on my lip. There was some heavy breathing on the other side, freaking me out.

“Hi.” I froze for a second as the Ghostface’s robotic voice came through the phone. What did they want? Were they here to kill me? The thought sent panic through my body and I quickly made sure my window was locked before pulling down the blinds as well.

“What do you want?” I demanded, voice shaking but still harsh.

The Ghostface chuckled, “You gone.”

I shuddered as tears suddenly sprung into my eyes, “You killed Yerim, didn’t you?”

“I did.” Was their answer and I sniffed, wiping away a tear as I raced down the stairs, to make sure all doors were locked.

“Why?”

“Multiple reasons,” The Ghostface sighed as I checked the front door, “One, she was always rude to me. Two, she never gave me a chance and the list just goes on, Y/N.”

“So you killed her.” I said accusingly, checking the door in the living room as well. It wasn’t locked, but I locked it now and pulled the curtains closed as well.

“Well she pissed me off to my last nerve, didn’t have much off a choice—”

“You don’t kill someone because they piss you off!” I screamed into the phone, shaking and fuming. How could they?! Kill someone because they pissed them off?! This is not how life works.

“I do.” The Ghostface laughed and I felt like screaming.

“What do you want?” I repeated, body shaking from anger and fear too.

“To kill you, honestly, I’ve had enough of you too.” I gulped and turned by back to the door, walking back outside in the hallway.

“I won’t go down easy.” I muttered and the Ghostface just laughed.

“A fragile girl can’t do much damage to me, sweetheart.” They said and I chuckled sarcastically.

“You’ll have to wait for another night then, you can’t come in if the doors and windows are all locked.”

“They are locked, now.” I froze, heart thumping fast, “But they weren’t until you locked the one in the living room just minutes ago.”

The voice now didn’t come through the phone only, they were here. Inside. Close. Too close. Shakingly, I slowly turned towards the kitchen entrance, and screamed. The same person from the Haunted House was standing in the doorway of my kitchen. Black gown and a Ghostface mask, glows, and a sharp knife in their hand. The Ghostface laughed, dropping the phone as it took off towards me and I panicked, showing the phone in the hoodie’s pocket as I started running, headed for the laundry room. I quickly entered and locked the door, whimpering when the person started pounding on it. Why did they want to kill me? What did I do? Who was behind the mask? As I reached for my phone to call the police, the pounding stopped, the sudden silence making me jump. Did they leave already?

“If you don’t come out, I’ll start with Byeol.” I whimpered and covered my lips, tears streaming down my cheeks at the thought of the person killing my cat. How did they know her name? I couldn’t let them kill her, she was my everything, “I’m headed to find her—”

“Stop!” I screamed and gripped the doorknob, “I’ll come out, just don’t hurt her.”

The Ghostface laughed and I heard them grumbling, “Stupid people with love for their stupid animals.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, readying myself to face the criminal on the other side of the door. If I had to die tonight, then I would. But I wouldn’t go down without a fight. I was feeling extremely hot in the hoodie, but it was Yerim’s, and all of a sudden, a wave of bravery washed over me as if Yerim was telling me that I could do it, that I could survive. If she believed in me, then I could believe in myself too. Wiping my stray tears away, I unlocked the door. The click of it seemed to be so loud in the silence, and with shaking hands, I pushed open the door. It opened very slowly and I held onto the doorknob tightly. There it was. The Ghostface, leaning against the wall. I couldn’t see their face, but I could swear they were smirking. I was glaring at them, breathing hard as I released the doorknob.

“There you are.” They said in a sing song voice, suddenly raising their knife. It was my cue to run off. And so I did just that, I took off, and ran towards the kitchen. The only problem was that it had no doors and two entrances. My goal was to get the Ghostface to follow me outside, far away from my cat and close enough to other people to see and call the cops for me. Their loud thumping made it obvious enough that they were following me and I stopped in front of the sink, the counter putting distance between us. Nobody said anything, we just stared each other down. My muscles were tense and I felt the adrenaline kicking in, making my shaking even worse. Before the Ghostface could react, I took off again, running for the door. I barely got in the doorway, when a hand gripped my hair and I was hauled back. I cried out in pain and quickly groaned as I was thrown on the floor.

“Yerim screamed a lot more than you, you know?” The Ghostface taunted and I sneered at them as I got up, getting backed into the wall. What could I do? Take their knife would be an option. The Ghostface raised the knife and lightly grazed it against my neck, making me gasp. I was breathing through my mouth, barely able to think of my next move. They raised their other hand and gripped my neck, pulling our faces close to each other.

“But you both seem to be just as dumb—” And just like that I headbutted them. I didn’t wait for them to finish the sentence or plunge the knife in my stomach. The person stumbled backwards and dropped their knife in shock. What a dumb move. I reacted faster and picked it up in a flash, pointing it at them.

“How does it feel to have your own weapon pointed at you?” I hissed and the Ghostface groaned, starting to stomp their feet. Were they seriously throwing a tantrum right now? I watched confused, but stayed alert.

“You’re not ruining my fun tonight, Y/N!” They screamed and charged at me. The smart thing to do would’ve been running away and out of the house, but I froze. If I had the knife, could they still kill me? Of course, there were many ways to do that, but my brain went blank. And just last second, I dropped the knife, scared to stab anyone. I wasn’t a killer; I couldn’t do it. The Ghostface grabbed my neck and started squeezing it, but I was fighting back. I wasn’t about to die. I tried pushing him backwards, and it was working. The Ghostface was muttering things I couldn’t understand, but I stumbled and stepped on their long gown. The person tripped over my leg and before I knew it, their hands were gone from my neck and they were falling backwards. I gasped and watched as the person hit their head on the edge of the counter and fell to the floor limply. I stood shocked, not knowing what to do. They weren’t moving anymore, I carefully pushed their leg with my foot, but they didn’t react. I approached them, heart racing and forehead sweaty as I leaned down and touched the mask. I had to know. I had to know who killed my best friend, Mina, Seungkwan and tried to kill Seonghwa and now me. So, without thinking for another second, I ripped the mask off. I felt my body going numb at the sight, ears ringing as I stared down at the blond laying unconsciously on my kitchen floor. My lips started trembling and my body started shaking more violently as I clutched the mask tightly, hand hurting from the force. Kwon Soonyoung lay unconscious in front of me. Blood was slowly seeping from underneath his head. How could it be him? I started crying loudly and threw the Ghostface mask on the floor, stomping on it and screaming. How could he kill Yerim?! How could he! In all the ruckus and screaming, Byeol woke up and her loud meows were the ones which brought me back to reality. She was staying away, gazing at me with her big eyes, meowing loudly. I was sobbing and started walking towards her, when the doorbell rang. Once. Twice. Thrice. Knocking. Panicked screaming. Asking to be let inside. The voice of my boyfriend. Jeon Wonwoo. My boyfriend. Acting without much thinking, I ran up to the door and unlocked it, throwing it open. Wonwoo was panting and he gasped when he saw me. I flung myself into his body, hugging him tightly and crying loudly. He hesitated for a second before wrapping his arms around me and slowly walking me inside the house, closing the door behind us. I was crying, I couldn’t do anything else. Soonyoung killed my best friend because she didn’t like him back. Because she didn’t want to date him. Who kills for a reason like that! I couldn’t hear Byeol meowing anymore, Wonwoo was caressing my head and kissing it softly, muttering words to calm me down. I found my breath again and pulled away, finding comfort in his arms. He was here. He was here to witness it all. He was here to take Byeol and I away from this nightmare.

“He—he did—it.” I stuttered out, body shaking, “Soonyoung. He killed—everyone.”

Wonwoo’s face went blank as he looked towards the kitchen entrance, but the only thing he could see from here was the destroyed Ghostface mask on the floor. His grip seemed to loosen around me as he looked back at me.

“Soonyoung killed Yerim, Wonwoo.” I whispered as I wiped my tears away, “He killed Mina and—”

“He didn’t kill Mina.” Wonwoo’s voice was void of any emotion. I shivered, “He didn’t try to kill Seonghwa either.”

I shook my head, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What—what are you saying? He’s the criminal, he—” I winced when Wonwoo’s grip suddenly turned painful on my arms, and I stepped back. His bruise on his jaw was now a dark blue, it looked like it hurt a lot. The cat scratches on his hand were still red.

“You—” I gasped and slapped his hands away, taking a step back, “You killed—Mina and Seonghwa—”

“I failed to kill that bastard, but it’s not too late yet.” I started shaking my head, feeling like my whole world was ending.

“What are you saying, Wonwoo—” Suddenly he was all up in my face, holding my chin roughly as he made me look him in the eyes. His expression scared me. His eyes were almost black and manic as he stared into mine. His lips were curled into an amused sneer and all warmth had disappeared from his aura. This wasn’t Wonwoo. This wasn’t my boyfriend. This was someone else. Someone I didn’t know and was scared off.

“I killed Mina. I tried to kill Seonghwa and now—” His pause made me gulp, his voice was quiet when he continued, “I have to kill you too.”

I whimpered and started shaking my head, gripping his wrist, “No, Wonwoo—Listen to me, you’re not like this, I can—”

“How would you know what I am like when I never allowed you to see the real me?” His words felt like someone dropped a cold ice bucket on me, numbness washed over my whole body. Was it all fake? All this time? Everything between us?

“Did you ever love me?” I found myself whispering, it was the least important thing to know right now, but I had to know.

“I love you more than I have ever loved anyone.” I sniffled, heart breaking and head spinning. Before I could react in any way, Wonwoo’s lips crashed against mine. I was disgusted, I didn’t want to be kissing him. But I couldn’t help myself. I still loved him despite his terrible confession. Despite him saying he wanted to kill me, I still loved him. So I kissed him back with the same fire he was kissing me, our lips crashing against each other’s messily, painfully. Maybe it was our last goodbye, maybe it wasn’t. I didn’t know what this kiss meant, until I felt Wonwoo’s hands around my neck and my eyes flew open. He was squeezing me, not allowing an ounce of air into my lungs. I tried pulling my head back, but he wasn’t letting me. He was still kissing me, but I couldn’t do the same. I clawed at his arms, gripping his wrists and yanking on them but he wasn’t budging. I started seeing black and I felt like throwing up, finally, Wonwoo’s lips left mine and I tried gasping for air but it wasn’t working. I tried talking, but it wasn’t working. I was going to die. In Yerim’s favorite hoodie, by the hands of my once lover. My grip fell from Wonwoo’s wrists and I felt my legs giving out, body limp. I didn’t want to die, I really didn’t. Not like this. I had no power, yet something so strong, as if someone knocked the last gust of wind out of my lungs, gave me the power to raise my knee and kneel Wonwoo in the groins. It might’ve been weak, but Wonwoo yelped loudly and released me, my body falling to the ground. I started coughing and gasping, holding my burning neck as my head hung low. My lungs were on fire and my eyes filled with tears as I filled my lungs desperately with air. Wonwoo was doubled over, groaning and hissing in pain. Perhaps I could escape him. Walk around him and out the door. So I tried, I got up from the ground, legs almost buckling, but I tried. I started walking, catching Wonwoo’s attention as his head whipped up and he reached for me, but I stepped back. He was starting to straighten up, still groaning, realizing I was getting better. I barely had any power, but I was starting to breathe again. He lunged for me and I realized walking in the kitchen was my best escape right now. So, I entered and my eyes fell on an unconscious Soonyoung, making me shudder again. I tried to run, but my legs felt heavy. I went to walk around the counter and grab a knife, but Wonwoo grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. The knife Soonyoung was holding was in his hands now. I shook my head at him and begged him to let me go. We couldn’t figure this out, but he had to let me go. If he loved me, he would’ve done that. But he didn’t want to. The knife was angled at my stomach and I took a deep breath, turning my hand into a fist. I had no power left in me anymore, this was my last shot at life. So, as Wonwoo raised the knife to stab me, I punched his jaw, just where Seonghwa had punched him yesterday, and grabbed the knife with my other hand out of his. He groaned loudly and looked at me with an animalistic look in his eyes. The knife was pointed at him and one move sealed the deal. I guess he didn’t notice I pointed the knife at him as he ran straight into it. We gasped at the same time and stared at each other wide eyed. I didn’t want to do this, but he gave me no other choice. I released the knife and watched as Wonwoo fell to his knees, starting to cry. He was begging me for forgiveness and asking me to love him, but I couldn’t hear him. My ears were ringing.

“Byeol! Byeol!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs, throat scratchy from getting chocked. I heard a faint meow coming from the living room and ran inside, looking for my cat, “Byeol, please come here!”

And she showed up, she crawled out from underneath the sofa and ran up to me, coming into my arms as I picked her up. I shushed her and ran towards the front door, not sparing another glance inside the kitchen as I grabbed my phone from Yerim’s hoodie’s pocket. I stumbled off the stairs on the porch as I started getting light headed, but I managed to dial the police.

“112, what’s your emergency?”

Masterlist

[lovemyromance]

I think objectively, it is very difficult to pull off writing a traditionally feminine woman in the fantasy genre.

Because fantasy used to be kind of a "guy" thing. It used to be exclusively written by men, for men. That's where we get the wizards, the warlocks, the damsel in distress tropes. The women characters existing for the sole purpose to be love interests or sexual objects or witches or cruel succubi.

The introduction of romantasy as a genre is a double edged sword. On one hand, it allowed for a whole new generation of women to join the industry, dip their toes into a genre that used to be predominately men. It drew in women with the romance element, and empowered them through a main character that was typically also a woman. She was strong, she was brave, and she kicked ass. We all wanted to be Daenerys, or even someone like Susan from Narnia. It was meant to be empowering.

But I say it is a double edged sword because I'm uncertain if it really had that desired effect.

Kicking ass and fighting in epic battles, being cunning and brave and clever - these were all qualities of a male MC in most fantasy novels. With romantasy, we see those traits in many FMCs now as well. And they are very popular. Violet, Feyre, Katniss, Aelin, etc. are all extremely popular female MCs. But why are they popular? What is it about them that really drew people in?

In other words, are they popular and so adored because now instead of the soft, feminine and grace women were typically known for - they have hardened, masculine traits instead?

Is that all it took for these FMCs to earn respect and admiration? Switch their knitting needles and gardening gloves out for crude humor and a sword?

I don't even know how to explain it. I understand there are women with those qualities and they feel validated by the change in pace in literature now having real characters, women who have a purpose outside sex and serving as the arm candy for some hero. I appreciate how amazing it is that women are now painted in a light that shows how capable and brave they are.

But I think, in the process of doing that, we went a little too far on the other extreme. Instead of showing how "Hey, women are also brave and strong and beautiful and bold and clever" we have gone all the way down to "If you're not a fighter, if you're not a kickass warrior - then you're weak. Then you're boring. Then you're unworthy."

We are looking at traditionally soft, feminine women the same way men used to look at the whole lot of us. We are considering them 'less than' because they don't have a sword in their hands, they aren't spitting and fighting back, so therefore they must be weak. They must be boring. They must be useless.

I think that's why I fight so hard for Elain. Why I want her desires to be heard. Why I protest when I see her wishes and wants and actions so adamantly ignored in this fandom. Why I get so annoyed when I see her callously referred to as "Gardner girl" and "the useless sister"

Because as an individual? I am nothing like Elain. I probably have more things in common with the likes of Kim Kardashain than I do with Elain Archeron. But I still fight tooth and nail for this fictional character because fighting for her is in some way a representation of fighting for those women who hold onto that femininity. The graceful way they act, the kindness, the compassion they show and spread in this world. All they want is peace.

And we need that in this world. If everyone were a fighter, we'd always be in some war. These types of people (not limited to only women) hold a different kind of strength. These are the types of women that hold a family together, that create a sense of safety and belonging, and bring a community together. They care, they nurture, and they grow.

And I'm so tired of people suddenly acting like that kind of strength pales in comparison to a traditional warrior carrying a sword and shield.

[love-isthebestthingwedo]

Young Royals Season 3 Thoughts

I have very mixed feelings about this season…

It feels like Lisa is building to something big, maybe Wille and Simon splitting up for real and Wille accepting his fate (I don’t think so re: Revolution I talk about further down)? Maybe Wille abdicating and an open ending with possibilities for Wille/Simon?

I loved the Wille/Simon romance scenes, but I hated how Wille treated Simon when he was struggling through so much (while still obviously understanding that they’re both teenagers and Wille is hardcore struggling with his own shit). It did feel like some (some, not all!) of the character development that happened in season 2 might have been ignored a little bit.

Edvin and Omar said that the ending is unexpected but makes sense for their characters… and am I the only one who feels like Wille abdicating is true to himself? He never wanted this, he’s miserable as Crown Prince, and he’s realizing that maybe he doesn’t need to carry on Erik’s legacy since he and the royal family are and have always been flawed.

The revelations about Erik are crucial to this season’s plot, and they wouldn’t be there for no reason. It is obviously instilling doubt in Wille’s mind and making his royal future look less and less appealing and uncertain.

I want Wilmon endgame SO SO badly, and the only way I see that happening is if Wille abdicates because otherwise they’re both going to be miserable for the rest of their lives.

I’m trying to keep in mind that the ENTIRE idea of this show is revolution. Revolution. Simon sings about it throughout season 3, and it’s always been talked about throughout the series, and by Lisa, Omar, and Edvin.

Not only that… but LOVE being the catalyst to revolution. I think that picture we have of Wille smiling at graduation is some kind of resolution with the Queen. I think Wille will have a “come to Jesus” moment and starts a Revolution! The very real thought of losing Simon for good might be that catalyst.

Yes, I’m disappointed and I have some strong feelings about the direction this season took us in, but I know that Lisa has always done what’s most true to the characters and their stories. Remember when we all thought the love triangle storyline was predictable, overused, and wouldn’t work? Well, that’s what led Simon and Wille back to each other. I’m holding onto hope, especially after processing it through writing all of this down.

[goodluckclove]

How I Critique Writing (A Loose Collection of Tips)

Someone asked me for insights into my methodology when it comes to giving feedback on writing and I realized I had way more than I could say in a reasonable amount of private messages. Are you someone who I've spoken to about their writing? Did someone send you their work and you don't know how to respond? Maybe this will help? Based on how people react I feel like it might be controversial but it seems to work.

When someone sends me their writing, no matter the size, subject or genre, I:

Take it seriously. It's a generational epic about the Vietnam war and its effects. It's a cute, young adult romance. It's Zim and Dib from Invader Zim realizing they've always been in love with each other. All of these things can be written with earnestness, strength, honesty and skill. It's fucking hard to write and if someone writes a single sentence that wouldn't otherwise exist its worth holding in your hands and examining with the same eye as if you were taking an interesting book off the shelf.

Respond with curiosity. It's common for critiques to follow a theme of ambiguous disdain. This doesn't work. Delete this. Bad. No. Gross. Guess what? That's not helpful. If you got that feedback, even if you followed it, you wouldn't be thrilled about it. Oftentimes you can take a line that makes you want to say Bad and ask something else. What is this supposed to express? What were you trying to do here? Am I supposed to feel happy/sad/uncertain when I read this? Curiosity can reframe something that you don't think works as a reader and turn it into an opportunity for the writer to look inward and solve their own problem. They might explain what they were trying to do, and if you were to say that it didn't pan out for you they're way more likely to tweak things themselves and feel like they still have control over their project.

Give comments. I've started giving more in-depth comments on the writing people give me depending on how anxious they are about it. If you're a pretty confident writer I'll give a summary of what I gained and what I was left wondering, what I thought and what I felt, what associations it made me think of in terms of tone and other forms of media - stuff like that. For newer writers, especially those who are far more doubting of their own abilities, I go buck wild. And in my opinion notes should be less like Good! I like this! Wow! Nice! (What are you, grading my book report? No thanks), and more like what you think when you're reading a book you're truly invested in. Make jokes about the characters (Not mean ones. I will send bugs to you in the mail.), chart exact lines that provoke physical reactions, even a small one. Can you imagine reading someone treat your work like it has its own fandom on Tumblr? You can do that for someone else.

Fucking have some fucking awareness of the fact that it might not be for you and that doesn't mean it's bad. I'm angry about this one considering the novel a friend sent me last night that they've been too terrified to try and post online, despite it being fucking brilliant. I'll try and calm down. Listen - you read what you like. I mainly read literary and experimental fiction, some poetry, horror and some sci-fi. Not a lot of genre fiction. But I will always be down to read someone's high fantasy story, because even though I don't really like fantasy I know what the good ones sound like. I've forced myself to gain a sense of what someone else would like, even if I don't like it. And I can still critique it. If I'm a builder and I see a house that's painted a shade of green I find sinful for a home (i.e. mint), I can look past that and focus on the state of the walls and the stability of the foundation. You aren't a reviewer, man. You are neither Siskel, nor Ebert. They write for readers, you write for writers. So you don't like historical fiction? Cool, man. Congrats. If someone trusts you enough to give you some to read and critique, you should still do so objectively. If you give it an automatic F because you wouldn't buy it, then you are legally a stinky little trash man. That's just the law.

Ask them what they liked to write and what was the hardest. There's apparently a weird trend on online writer communities that say there are specific rules that all writers need to follow. This is not true. It just isn't. If the dialogue in a story you read is weak, and the writer says they hate writing dialogue and really struggle with it, maybe tell them they don't have to use it. You might change their entire life.

RESPOND WITH CURIOSITY. You see the Ask games where people try and get more detail on the WIP of certain authors. If you have a WIP and I ask you a worldbuilding question that doesn't relate to the direct plot of the story as it exists now, I bet you'd like to talk about it. If I ask if you were inspired by a certain tone or movie, you might know the work I was talking about and feel happy. Or you might not know it, look it up, and feel inspired. I don't think people realize that a critique of new/unfinished writing is not a one-and-done exchange. You are taking part in an isolated process in a way few other people on the planet will. It's not homework. It's. Not. Homework. We spend so much of our time alone just fiddling our hands and making our magic, and in instances like these we share something in one of the ultimate forms of artistic trust. They're taking you into a world that hasn't fully formed yet. Is it cool? Can you tell me about it? Can they?

Be nice. Storytime, friends. In the way early 2010s, there was something on the internet called sporking. It was pretty much a line by line roast of someone's writing - typically fanfic. And I hate to say this, but I read a lot of it. I was 13, somehow untreated and overmedicated, and I was miserable constantly. Just cold in my chest. At one point I had the chance to critique a stranger's story - probably another child - and I essentially mocked the whole thing. They ended up deleting the story off the website. I cannot begin to describe to you the shame I feel about doing this, even ten years later. It burns in my heart and makes me sick to my stomach. If you are a serious writer, especially a young writer, and you insult another writer's craft to their face just as they're getting started - you will regret it. I promise you that. You will think about holding something alive and full of potential in your hands and squeezing your fists until it is just flecks of meat and crushed bone. It will haunt you. Maybe only a little, but constantly and for the rest of your life. So don't do it.

Wow what a grim note to leave on! That's essentially my philosophy on writing critique, do with it what you will. Want to send me some writing to receive this kind of excessive treatment? Cool! I have an email in my pinned post and I'll do that! I'm also down to chat if anyone wants to send me asks or DMs on writing/writing struggles/publishing tips.

[bengiyo]

Hidden Agenda: Zo Experienced The Knowing

I was tagged by @respectthepetty this morning in her post about Zo and how much damage Puen did to him. At the end of the post she mentioned that Zo probably Knew who he was this whole time. I want to talk about the timing of this reveal, what it means for this kind of show, and how I feel about it.

I have admittedly been struggling with this show. I think Dunk is often a little hard for me to read, and I often wish that he hadn’t been given such an internal character to play. However, I think the team may be using that to their advantage to cloud our ability to read Zo. 

Zo began the series in a debate with Joke about how people need to be honest about their feelings before going into a relationship with someone, and he’s been nervous to approach Nita. We’ve also seen him showing dismay about possibly being a bad mentor to Pok, along with his general reticence to Joke’s advances. I think I’ve decided that I’m okay with the show recontextualizing much of what we’ve seen before, but I don’t generally like it. Sure, it rewards those who pay close attention, but there’s too much going on for me to do an extensive rewatch to see those scenes again in a new light. However, I like it for queer reasons. 

What fascinates me about our sudden reread of Zo as a Known Gay (placeholder term I use for everyone; Zo hasn’t identified himself; let me have fun) is we watched Zo go through this during their Chiang Khan trip when he realized Pok was seeing Jeng. At that time I only read Zo as concerned with being read as homophobic by his junior who couldn’t come out to him, but now it’s even sadder because Zo was not only concerned about being seen as homophobic he was also not being seen as a member of the community. 

The constant concern he expresses is that he’ll make people uncomfortable. He’s afraid to approach Nita, and has a huge panic when a not-date doesn’t exactly go over well with her. I thought this was part of his confused feelings for Joke, but it’s also about how Zo doesn’t trust himself in romance because of what Puen did. I feel especially sad for Zo because Puen messed him up so badly that he can’t even pursue an opposite-sex romance with confidence either. I felt like a part of Zo hoped that things would be easier if there wasn’t a gay component to the romance and yet he’s still feeling weird and uncertain.

As for whether Zo suffered The Knowing, I am not sure how far back Zo Knew. I can’t tell from his interactions with his mom, but it’s clear from his scenes with Puen and the matter-of-fact way he describes what happened to Joke that he had put a lot of thought into his feelings for Puen at the time. So, because of the way Puen’s actions continue to impact Zo, he goes on the board.

I'm at least relieved that as @justafriend-ql pointed out in her reblog that confirming that Puen did like him, and it wasn't all in Zo's head, allowed him to finally enjoy a moment with a guy he likes and who clearly likes him.

[kess-in-the-perthchimzone]

A DEEP dive on the extra Dangerous Romance media

I just did a rewatch of all the extra Dangerous Romance media (which currently stands at five videos -- end credits, music videos, and trailers). In the process, I realized we've now seen a kind of shocking amount of the footage (I'd guess 80%? Something like that). Which makes me take special stock of everything else, as it could very believably be happening in the next couple of episodes.

So, pulling together some observations, questions, and other unhinged thoughts organized by broad themes about what we know is left:

Open House

Starting with this since we know it's next week. This episode seems like it's going to be full of shenanigans. Leaving aside everything we saw in the trailer (Pimfah teasing them, Sailom agonizing over what to wear, CPR, drawing each other, Sailom stuffing lettuce in Kang's face, another prolonged BL pause) we also get --

Attaching locks together! Kang's hand up top! Look at Sailom's smile!

Sports Day

Another day we know is coming up. This one looks sooo cute, as do they in those fresh polos.

We see both Kang making some kind of delivery to Guy/Auto/Sailom and then Kang passing some kind of note to Sailom with a very 'only two people in a crowded room' vibe.

Football Games

There seem to be two significant football games (it physically pains me not to write soccer) based on uniforms (maybe one is part of Sports Day and Kang gets roped in to play? Uncertain).

During one (lighter uniforms) -- Kang makes a penalty kick. Almost all the friends are in the stands together!

The second, darker uniform game, Kang also does something hot to dodge a defender to score, and the friends are together again. Interesting note that a much larger crowd seems to be at this game.

And Kang DTRs! The way he words this makes it sound at least to me that they have talked about potentially being boyfriends before this (see more commentary on this below). It also seems very likely that the answer is yes:

Market Adventure

I am so excited for this one!! I was going to say I can't begin to speculate what's happening here, but that's a lie because my guess is it's shopping for Sports Day. We get the bus fall and utterly whipped (feverish?) Kang stare! A cute casual lunch date! The return of casual clothes Kang! Kang fainting and Sailom protectively cradling him in his arms! Kang completely out of his element seeing what the real world is like!

The Return of Escorting

Much has already been said about this. Reiterating that I am firmly in the camp that this may spell the (temporary) end of this honeymoon period we're about to be living in and also that I am scared to see the return of angry, bully Kang, which will have been a long time coming by that point. However, I have one genuinely new observation to add that I don't think I've seen anywhere else!

Sailom's shirt is SIGNIFICANTLY more open when Kang pushes him onto the bed. I want to know how that happened. Did the buttons get ripped off? WHO ripped or undid them? I would pay real money for it to have been creepy old man and that to partially be what Kang is reacting to.

They Cute

I have no real observations here except kisses!! I like that it's Sailom who does the kissing in the upper right. Also for a rich boi Kang loves that black ripped tank which I appreciate because I love him wearing it.

(I had to delete a photo where he was also wearing it and they were basically holding hands over Kang's laptop while Kang pretended to wipe something on Sailom's face. Both cute and disgusting. Disgustingly cute.).

Romantic Rides

I really love the idea of them taking romantic rides together as dates. Not pictured but should also count is the red sweater Kang "would you still like me if I didn't have money" ride to the windmills.

Also as several people have pointed out, the late night kissing ride seems to be the same night as the happy money throwing scene.

And then they were roommates

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS IN THIS CATEGORY

What are they talking about?? Why are they in bed together? Is this before or after they start dating? How can Sailom look so convincingly nonplussed with Kang making those eyes at him??

Is this another breakup era pining type thing? Or are they standing on opposite sides of the same door but separated by other circumstances??

And WHAT is happening here?? I have so many guesses but I would be embarrassed to even put them in writing. I don't think Sailom would be the one to go blushing maiden between them, would he?? So is something else supposed to be happening? Is Kang trying to coax him into the shower together and Sailom protesting because Grandma is home? Seriously, please share your guesses.

Other Misc

Finally a small selection of random things.

First, I am curious about this handholding but also this dialogue:

This is Sailom speaking here. Whereas in a different voiceover Kang asks "What's our deal?" and then later if Sailom will be his boyfriend. So including the soccer hug scene that seems like four different times one of them tries to figure out what's up between them. They eventually stop being so dumb!

I am really excited for this particular scene because I think it's sweet that when(?) Sailom is living with Kang they still wind up studying at Sailom's house.

Last but not least, I have ZERO guesses here. Is this a bar?? This sure doesn't seem like English practice. Why does Sailom seem so unhappy?

((Also not included, some of the big obvious moments that have been wildly speculated about like Sailom getting shot at, Kang rescuing him on his bike, Sailom's brother's arrest, and the shower crying scene, all of which are going to be glorious.))

Please share your thoughts and guesses about any of the above!!

[peachysooxo]

The Kingdom of Us

Chapter 10

pairing: kyungsoo x OFC genre: Royal!AU, nonidol!soo, crownprince!kyungsoo, romance, drama theme: arranged marriage, modern royalty, enemies to lovers, war, betrayal word count: 6,947 description: Kyungsoo and Alina get surprising news, King Daniel returns to Alina’s life and Kyungsoo goes toe to toe with the very man who hurt his princess. warnings: mentions of abuse, violence, physical assault, fighting using weapons. MINORS DNI

author’s notes: hello dear reader! I apologize for not updating timely but I decided to share this with you today to celebrate Kyungsoo’s song Popcorn reaching over a million streams on Spotify and over a million views on YouTube! We are so close to Blossom, I am so excited. Please enjoy this chapter, it’s only going to get more intense from here. Photos are not mine, dividers by @saradika-graphics . Enjoy!

ALINA

I didn’t remember falling asleep in the library, or how I got into bed. With a stretch, I realize that I’m draped in Kyungsoo’s shirt he was wearing yesterday. I snuggle into it and smile to myself. Despite the war, he manages to give me the beauty I’ve missed since the attacks started. We are required to be strong as leaders, but behind closed doors it’s weighing heavy on me. The images of people suffering and everything around them being destroyed eats at me, and the fact that we’ve entered into a world war against a crooked King and delusional allies.

Spending time with Kyungsoo made me see that what we have is real and not a fantasy, he proved to be my best source of comfort in these uncertain times. The war caused us to be separated and busy with relief work and a lot of military strategy, but we knew this was just the reality of our positions as Crown Prince and Princess. I’ve heard whispers about my father-in-law not wanting to perform his duties as King. It’s uncharacteristic of him to shrink back, I have an undeniable suspicion that he may hand the Crown over to Kyungsoo as to keep his name out of this war. Kyungsoo hasn’t spoken about it, but I know it must be weighing heavy on his mind. He does most duties of a king without the title anyway, and our allies are becoming confident that we can win this war with him leading the fight.

“Darling, you’re awake.” Kyungsoo walks into our room and leans down to kiss me. He’s in his military fatigues and that sharpens my attention. I sit up and his shirt slides up my thighs, his curious eyes follow the fabric as it slips and pools at my hips.

“Why are you in your fatigues, amorcito?” I ask curiously.

“Things are changing rapidly, princess. It’s looking as though that I have to fight in this war, our alliances are urging every man to fight and I can’t sit idly by because of my title as Crown Prince,” Kyungsoo sighs, he can see the anxiety in my eyes, “Hey… Don’t be anxious. I’ll be fine, love.”

“It doesn’t stop my worrying.” I grumble. Kyungsoo sits on the bed and brings me to his side, his fingers trace my hip gently.

“Look at me, listen to me. This war may separate us temporarily, but I’ll fight my way back to you. I’ll keep you safe even if I’m not at your side. To prove it, there’s two people I want you to meet today.” Kyungsoo smiles.

“Two people? Who?” I curiously raise a brow.

“Trust me, darling. Go get dressed. And… make sure you cover these up.” Kyungsoo cheekily grins, caressing the purple marks he left on my neck and chest. I blush at the realization that there’s something to cover up in the first place.

“Yes, Your Highness.” I wink, walking toward my wardrobe. I pick out a more formal outfit, a skirt that falls past my knees, a chunky sweater and flats. Though it’s springtime, it’s still on the colder side so the sweater works in my benefit to cover the marks on my chest. I pluck my makeup from its place near my accessories and take a quick shower. While getting dressed, I wonder who it is that I’ll be meeting today. I put my makeup on and make sure to cover the love marks on my neck, my body tingles at the thought of how they got there. Kyungsoo is… Quite the lover. I feel so wanted by him, so loved… It’s a stark contrast from where we were when we first met. I sigh and fix my hair in two braids, a more traditional style than what I have been wearing lately. I meet Kyungsoo in the common room and his smile radiates on his face.

“You’re so beautiful, darling.” Kyungsoo smiles as he takes my hand in his. We walk to the War Room, a place I’ve only been in a handful of times. Two men stand talking with Commander Jongin and Commander Minseok, one of them has a boisterous laugh that feels familiar. Once Commander Minseok sees us coming, he immediately turns and salutes us, the three other men doing the same.

“At ease, gentleman.” Kyungsoo calls, keeping his hand in mine, “Good morning, Commanders and Lieutenants. Thank you for being on time today on short notice. Crown Princess Alina needs additional security during these troubling times, and I only want the best for my wife. That is why I requested you, Lieutenants, to keep a close eye on her. Crown Princess, I would like for you to meet Lieutenants Kim Jongdae and Oh Sehun. They are my best assassins, some of my most trusted men.”

Both Lieutenants bow to me, and my eyes settle on Lieutenant Jongdae. My eyes water as he smiles at me, and it’s then that I realize exactly why this emotion overwhelmed me.

“Lieutenant Jongdae, please forgive me, but you remind me so much of my brother, Ignacio.” I smile, holding back my tears.

“Crown Princess, thank you for such an honored comparison. I fought alongside His Royal Highness on my last tour. He spoke very highly of you, Your Highness.” Lieutenant Jongdae nods politely. Kyungsoo squeezes my hand and offers a soft smile. He knows how much I’ve been missing my brothers and following the news of the battles happening in Azteco.

“Please, call me Alina, as we will more than likely be spending a lot of time together.” I insist with a soft smile.

“It’s against protocol to call you anything other than your titles, Crown Princess.” Lieutenant Sehun lowers his head.

“Lieutenant, I will tell you this about my wife. If Crown Princess Alina wants something, she gets it and there’s no arguing. So, if she feels more comfortable with you calling her by her name, then that’s what she gets. However, proceed with caution when around the royal family.” Kyungsoo explains with a soft laugh. Something is off, why would Kyungsoo out of nowhere want to have new military personnel watch over me? Especially Seoul’s highest regarded assassins? I just graciously nod and smile and try to put the pieces together.

“I will take that in regard, Crown Prince.” Lieutenant Sehun nods.

“Excuse me? Crown Princess? I am here to collect you for revisions for the relief aid plan?” Lisette enters the room with a deep bow. I turn and nod, then focus back on the commanders and lieutenants in the room.

“It’s a pleasure seeing and meeting all of you. I hope you work hard today.” I bow to them, and they lower their heads. I look at Kyungsoo and bow to him, his hand brushes mine quickly. I turn to Lisette and following her out of the room. “What revisions need to be made?”

“Somehow, at the border of Valencia, Azteco is stopping the caravans and seizing the relief supplies we have sent in the last three weeks.” Lisette explains. I have relied heavily on Lisette and her organization skills to help me with all of these efforts. We enter the palace again and we sit at Lisette’s desk, discussing the plans of how to get a workaround for all of the aid. Once we’re done with that, she gushes to me about the secret dates she’s been having with Duke Chanyeol. It doesn’t surprise me that they started seeing each other secretly.

“Amiga, he is such a good kisser.” She gushes.

“Is he?” I laugh, “I’m just worried that someone will find out and blow your cover.”

“I know… We’re trying to figure out what to do, it’s been six months or so now and we both want more. He just can’t marry me because of Seoul Law. He doesn’t have a betrothal but is expected to marry someone of noble birth.” Lisette sighs.

“Perhaps, your title can change, as you and your mother did assist the Queen and Princess of Mariposa for a long time. Perhaps you can become a viscountess at my command…” I muse, Lisette’s eyes widen.

“How?! Tell me! What do I need to do?”

“Leave it to me, Amiga. Just because things are uncertain right now, your love doesn’t have to be. I’ll talk to Kyungsoo and see what I can possibly do about it.” I nod, feeling the onset of a headache gnawing at my temples. “I’m sorry, Lissy. I’m getting a headache. I’m going to lie down for a bit. Send me any updates about the relief aid, and your lover.”

“Oh, please don’t get stressed, okay? We’ll talk later!” Lisette smiles. I nod and make my way back to our chambers, sending a quick message to Kyungsoo.

alina amorcito, I’m getting a headache, Going to rest. I’m okay Love you <3

amorcito Oh… my poor darling. Please rest my love. I’ll come to check on you. Love u more <3

I wake up from my nap to the sound of commotion outside. I orient myself to my surroundings and get up to see what’s going on. I gaze out of the window and see a crowd of people entering the palace. People come and go quite frequently, but this is much different. I recognize the man and woman in the middle of the guards almost instantaneously. Pressure builds in my chest and the unease grasps at my throat, its claws sinking into me until the sound, color and shapes around me distort. Kyungsoo comes into view in my peripheral vision, curious eyes fill with concern as he looks at me.

“Princess?” He manages to say.

“What are they doing here?” I ask, demanding an answer. The only problem is my words are barely audible, my hands shaking in front of me.

“King Daniel, Queen Maria and their military generals are here for peace talks. Azteco’s military is on the outskirts of the border and threatening an invasion. My father invited them in hopes of ending tensions.” Kyungsoo says carefully.

“Why didn’t… You tell me?”

“I was informed last minute, Alina. Forgive me, but I wanted you to have a good night’s sleep for once. You finally got comfortable and I didn’t want your to needlessly worry. He can’t hurt you. I won’t let him even get the chance.” Kyungsoo moves toward me, and I can’t exactly stay mad at him for this. It’s hard to stay mad at him. I allow him to hold me and I regulate my breath to match his. I have to get through this somehow, at least Kyungsoo is by my side now.

“What do I have to do?”

“Eat a meal with him and your sister. That’s it. I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo looks down but I push his chin up to look me in the eye.

“I have to do this. The only difference between now and then is that I have you here with me. I know you won’t let any thing happen to me.” I reassure Kyungsoo, while simultaneously assuring myself. “I can’t run from him for the rest of my life.”

“What a warm welcome, King Bonhwa!” King Daniel bellows. Maria is silent beside him, smiling occasionally. I shake at the sound of his voice, my hands trembling behind my back. Kyungsoo grabs for one and holds it in his, caressing the skin on the web of my hand.

“Please be seated, everyone.” King Bonhwa cheerfully calls. “Isn’t this lovely! A family reunion for the Crown Princess!”

I politely nod and sit up straight, looking straight at my sister. Maria deviates eye contact and Kyungsoo squeezes my hand.

“It’s okay, I’m right here.” He whispers. “I won’t let him do anything to you.”

“I am delighted to see my sister again. It’s lovely to see you as well, King Daniel.” I politely reply. Ever the perfect princess you are, Alina. It drives me crazy that Daniel’s stupid phrases echo in my head.

“Ever so lovely to see you, beautiful princess.” King Daniel smirks, there it is. Maria sighs and puts on her best smile. I toy with my food and Kyungsoo keeps his eyes focused on the boisterous king, watching all of his moves intently as he booms with laughter and obvious candor. “Crown Prince! I hear you are quite the master of the sword. How did that come about? Tutors? Your servants fearing you? Your military letting you win?”

Kyungsoo stares hauntingly at Daniel, a gaze I’d never seen until tonight. If looks could kill, King Daniel would be as good as dead. Perhaps that isn’t that bad of an outcome… But I know something like that is impossible. Kyungsoo takes a bite of his fish and leans back in his chair, smirking. “Have you heard of the Seoul proverb about the man and the sword?”

“Humor me, Crown Prince.” I tense at the sound of Daniel’s tone changing, my hands are pressed together under the table with my nails digging into the flesh of my palm. Queen Hyunae and King Bonhwa look in between the two men exchanging tense glares. Maria scowls at my husband, obviously angered that a mere prince would insult a king in such a way. Maria had a complex and it was very apparent she had a need to protect her husband. Her eyes move to me and we make eye contact, but it falters.

“The wielder of the sword is not a gifted man, but one of great skill and self-control. The fool stabs himself many times attempting to bargain with the fate of the sword.” Kyungsoo responds in Aztecan, smiling.

“My son showed great skill on his own, King Daniel.” King Bonhwa responds, praising his son in rare form. It wasn’t often Bonhwa would offer compliments to Kyungsoo, but when it came to the honor of the Crown he would practically bow at the feet of his son. People weren’t difficult to read, you just had to look at the obvious. “Just like his ancestors, our dynasty was established by the valiant efforts of Doh Swordsman. The legacy of our Kings is in the merit of a sword.”

“Is that so? Why, I challenge you to a friendly duel, Crown Prince Kyungsoo. The Azteco People are descendants of Great Warriors. Perhaps your pretty princess can come see what true swordsmanship is.” Daniel challenges.

“I accept your challenge, Your Highness.” Kyungsoo grins deviously.

“Wouldn’t you enjoy that, Crown Princess Alina?” King Daniel coos the last few words to me. Kyungsoo reaches for my hand and draws circles around my knuckles, bringing me back down to earth. I nod gracefully and Kyungsoo leans onto the table.

“Queen Maria, would it be rude to request that you control your husband? He will not listen to a mere Crown Prince it seems. My wife is not a woman to be spoken to in such a manner.” Kyungsoo warns lowly, not caring about the scowls on his parent's face. This is the first time I’ve seen my husband like this, but I don’t mind it; it’s a welcomed change. He doesn’t give a damn about the titles people possess; he demands respect that is rightfully his. My anxiety rises and I turn to Kyungsoo.

“Crown Prince.” I gaze at my husband with concerned eyes, gently squeezing his bicep. Kyungsoo covers my hand with his, apologizing with his gaze.

“Of course, Crown Prince. However, he may not even listen to his own wife, it’s not something an Azteco King would do.” Maria pettily replies, attempting to touch King Daniel in the same way I touched Kyungsoo. King Daniel slides Maria’s hands away as servants take away our plates. Now I can tell the difference between fake affection and real affection. There really is no love between Daniel and Maria, never has been and never will be.

“Please, Your Highness. It was… Lovely dining with you, however, King Bonhwa and I have matters to discuss with yourself and the His Highness, King Daniel. Please, meet us in our study chambers.”

It’s odd that an absent King and trophy queen are the ones handling peace talks. Kyungsoo’s hand grips mine a little tighter, I know he’s upset.  I know better than to intervene, so I softly squeeze his hand instead. Maria smirks and I look to Kyungsoo, a feral fixation on King Daniel takes his gaze. Maria glares at me, a hint of jealousy forming in her eyes as Kyungsoo makes it a point to wrap his arm around my waist, his thumb caressing my side softly. She watches as he turns to me, whispering softly in my ear. “Don’t let them sense your fear. You are strong, Princess. I’m so proud of you for making it through this dinner.”

I nod and show a quick smile before returning to listening to the conversation about swordsmanship.

I knew that Maria felt it wasn’t fair that I got betrothed to Kyungsoo. It was supposed to be her, but she wasn’t chosen by the Doh Dynasty. It wasn’t my fault, but she always made me feel like it was. Maria wouldn’t tell a soul that her marriage was arranged to make King Daniel look better. We all knew it but went along with the carefully curated story that it was a love match. Maria pressured our parents into it thinking she knew better about politics than a seasoned King and Queen.

When she got what she wanted, Maria lamented the day she married King Daniel. He was demanding, harsh and cruel.

Jealousy started to take root as I got older. Maria started saying she felt wronged by me and the Seoul Kingdom. She believed that I could have had anyone else I wanted. Though I would have preferred to have a love match, I’m happy with how things turned out. Maria rose and walked toward me, taking my hands.

“If you excuse us, your Highnesses, Crown Princess Alina and I have business to attend to. Send my apologies to King Bonhwa and Queen Hyunae for my tardiness, this is important.” Maria announces as she pulls me up and away to the guest chambers.

“Maria, what are you doing?” I ask, holding my sister’s hands. Maria breaks down into sobs, her knees folding underneath her. “Maria!”

“You, little sister, have made my life a living hell.” Maria grunts angrily. My eyes widen, I step forward and put a hand on Maria’s shoulder, but I get shaken off.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, like you don’t know! What did you do to Daniel?”

“Nothing! Are you accusing me the same way the tabloids have accused me of being an adulteress?”

Maria wipes her eyes and grabs my arms, squeezing as tight as she can. “No, but you couldn’t have just let him do what he needed to do? You couldn’t have said no to Crown Prince Kyungsoo? Believe it or not, you had the option to retract but you still chose to come here! Daniel has been collecting concubines instead of loving his wife. He’s obsessed with the thought of you, and it makes me sick! He told me how you’d allow him to visit you in the night. Why did you stop him? Why did you refuse him after a while? Now, he’s always upset and refuses me even more!”

“Maria!” I yell. “I never consented to those visits! I never wanted them! I am in love with Kyungsoo and now he can never have what King Daniel took! You wanted me to keep enduring the pain I felt every single night? How I would be disabled for days? Did he tell you about that part of the story? You wanted me to endure abuse for your benefit? What is wrong with you? What happened to you? I was a child!”

Silence forces its way between us, anger brooding in my soul. Maria’s breath staggers and her hands shake as I push her off of me. “It was you who chose to marry King Daniel knowing his accusations from around the world. He threatened me with my life if I ever told anyone what he did. You know the protocols! I had my voice taken from me and I will no longer be silent for your benefit or anyone else’s. It is obvious that he changed you. I am disgusted with you. I am ordering that you leave immediately. As soon as this visit is over, I never want to hear of your name or see you again.”

“Alina…”

“No! There’s no explanation! You’re sick in the head! You took sides with a monster. You reap the consequences. You are no longer my sister, but my enemy.” Haunted, I leave the guest chambers and hurry back to Kyungsoo but he’s nowhere to be found. He must be in the peace talks meeting, so I just take my leave and lock the doors to our chambers, feeling confident that the Lieutenants were probably close by.

I can’t sleep when I’m alone.

Kyungsoo and the military were pulled into an emergency strategy meeting, and I waited for him to come back for hours. A couple of hours ago, the Royal Guards were called away by Hyunae again, this is nothing new. Uneasiness and restlessness fills my chest as I get up and make the trek to the library to clear my head. As I enter the library, large hands grab my hips and shove me onto a wall. I yelp and look up to see Daniel, a dark gleam in his eye and a twisted grin forms on his face. I try to run away but he shoves me back onto the wall.  

"My pretty, pretty Princess." He sneers, his grip tighter on my body. 

"L-Let me go, Daniel." I shakily warn. 

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that, Alina. I saw your reaction to me as I spoke to you tonight at dinner. You can’t keep me off of your mind despite being married to another man, can you?" Daniel reaches for my face and I turn away. Daniel holds on to my waist tighter, his nails digging into my skin.

"Stop! Let me go, please!” Daniel grabs my face and squeezes it tightly in his grasp.

"Have you no sense, Alina? Can't you see that I am deeply attracted to you? You feel much better than Maria does. Your sweet essence still lingers on my lips." Daniel leans his body onto mine and I squirm to be free of him. I can feel his breath on my neck, it is nausea inducing. The flashes of him coming into my room unwarranted and how terrifying it was every time he got into my bed haunted me. I felt used, disgusting.

"Daniel, no. I never wanted you. I-I love Crown Prince Kyungsoo. He is my husband. You are nothing but a disgusting-"

Daniel strikes me to the ground and hastily picks me up by my arm, dragging me to the other side of the library and throws me to the floor. He rips the shirt I’m wearing and all of Kyungsoo’s love marks are on display. Anger and jealousy flashes in his eyes as he hovers over me. "Ah, what’s this? Hm? You let that other man mark what’s mine? I'll show you not to be disrespectful to me. When I’m finished with you, pretty girl, he’ll never want to touch you again. You’re the People’s Princess, won’t you obey a king when he asks you to complete a task?"

“Alina? Darling?” I hear my name being called. Kyungsoo! "Princess, are you here?"

“Kyungsoo!” I yell. Daniel slaps me and his ring gets caught in my flesh and his nails puncture my skin. He snatches his hand away and I scream from the pain of his ring being ripped from my cheek. The door opens and Daniel panics, dodging my husband through the back door as I lay frozen on the floor, sobbing.

“Oh my God, Alina!” Kyungsoo rushes to my side and brings me into his arms. I hold onto him tightly, shaking more than I ever have before. “Darling, I’m right here, you’re safe.”

“K-Kyung… Soo… I’m sorry…” I sob. Kyungsoo gently takes his fingers under my chin and guides my tear-filled eyes to look at him. His eyes water at the sight of the gash on my face and what I’m assuming is bruising on my skin. “I shouldn’t have… I was… I…”

"Did that bastard do this to you?" Kyungsoo grits through his teeth angrily. I whimper and Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, blowing it out before returning his gaze to me. I show him my face and he touches the marks gently. I shake and nod quietly. Kyungsoo carries me back to our chambers and brings me to the bathroom, fishing for a first aid kit under the sink. I sit in silence as Kyungsoo cleans my cut, I didn’t even wince at the pain. “Darling, tell me what happened.”

“I… I couldn’t sleep. I was afraid to be in our room alone, I know the lieutenants were in the meeting with you. The Royal guards were called away by Hyunae… As usual. I thought that I would have been safe going to our library for a moment. I know I shouldn’t have left our chambers. I just couldn’t sleep and thought I would be safe in the library. Earlier tonight when Maria took me to speak privately, she confirmed that she is being treated terribly in that marriage, and she blames me for it. She… Said I should’ve allowed King Daniel to continue what he was doing… She knew about it and just allowed it to happen. I was walking and King Daniel grabbed me. He said he was attracted to me… That I was an obedient… Little girl… His nails cut my skin and his ring got caught in my cheek. He hit me to the ground. If you didn’t come when you did… He would’ve….” I sob and cuddle myself into Kyungsoo, he picks me up off of the edge of the bathtub and takes me to our bed. Kyungsoo sets me down and pulls the covers up. He turns to stand at the edge of the bed but I frantically pull him back.

“Princess, I should’ve protected you better. From now on the Lieutenants will be with you at all times. It was my error to have them with me when they would’ve been better off with you. I’m so sorry…” Kyungsoo huffs, guilt written all over his face as his finger moves over my wound on my face.

“Don’t be sorry. Please. I should’ve stayed here.”

“You should be able to go wherever you please without anxiety. It’s taking everything inside me not to find him and strangle his pathetic life out of his body. But… I know you need me, that’s more important. The duel is tomorrow. I’ll be sure to show him he can never mess with my princess, my wife, my love… ever again.” Kyungsoo’s gentle lips meet mine, relief cascades over me as he holds me tight to his body.

I don’t want him to fight my battles for me anymore. After the duel tomorrow, I have to take things into my own hands.

KYUNGSOO

I didn't sleep at wink last night. I didn't mind, it was worth it. I relied on adrenaline as I readied myself for King Daniel and our “friendly" duel. I knew I couldn’t kill him, that would be too easy, and too obvious. Certain rage filled me as Alina told me what this bastard had done to her for so many years. Guilt filled me, knowing that she was harmed and I treated her unfairly in the process.

“Son, before you go out there, may I have a moment?” Father walks into the Armory, hands clasped behind his back.

“If you came to talk me out of this, I’m standing firm.” I warn.

“No, Son. This… Is fairly important. I know you will make a statement today to King Daniel. You have been leading our Kingdom in my… absence.”

“I wasn’t aware that absence had a double meaning of cowardice.” I shoot back, I don’t want to hear what he has to say. Not today.

“There are things you still have yet to understand, Crown Prince. One of them being that I can no longer serve as king. I was waiting patiently for you to marry Crown Princess Alina and at least have an heir on the way to say this, but it’s time that you ascend the throne.” Father boldly proclaims, hints of anxiety seep through his words. I stop sharpening my sword and look up at him. He is an older man now. A man that I hardly respected, but nevertheless was my father, my king. Father is now the age Grandfather was when he stepped away from the Kingship. The details become glaringly clear, now I’ll have the title for my endless work.

“What does this mean, Father? Are you ill?” I pry, my thoughts immediately going to Alina. “What does this mean for Alina?”

“Son, I am a miserable man. I only kept this all going for your sake. I will not bring shame to the Crown, but your mother and I have decided to live our days as separate people, away from rulership. As much as she may not personally approve of the Crown Princess, she admittedly agrees that Alina is a strong woman, who would make a strong Queen. This may come as a surprise, I am aware. But we have things we need to fix in ourselves that need to be done privately, away from this war that our entire world is drowning in.” Father explains. My head spins.

“You’re choosing to focus on yourself when your people need you? You pick right now to inform me that you’re handing the Crown to me? You should have done this months ago. You were always a damn coward. You’ll never be anything else.” I hiss, bowing my head. I mock my own politeness, gazing in irritation at Father. “It is of the highest honor to be a better king that history will remember for all the right reasons.”

“Kyungsoo, Son…”

“Leave. Grandfather must be rolling in his grave with how selfish you are. I’ll figure out a coronation as soon as possible, that will be none of your concern.” I finish, returning to sharpening my sword. My anger fuels me even more to assert my position with Daniel. I wasn’t expecting to be King this early into my marriage. I also wasn’t expecting Mother to be so okay with forfeiting her crown. There must be another man, there has to be. I don’t care anymore. They can revel in their own stupidity. My only focus right now is making a statement: no one can touch my darling Alina and get away with it.  

 I walk to the center of the Training Grounds. I search for her in the stands. When I see her, the world around me gets its color. Every single sign of bruising or cuts were covered with makeup. It killed me to see it, but it had to be done.  Lisette is next to her, Lieutenant Jongdae and Lieutenant Sehun are on either side of them. I’d ordered them to not leave her side while this duel happens. In front of them are Baekhyun, Yixing and Chanyeol, my princess is perfectly safe. Her gorgeous eyes dart between me and my idiotic opponent on the other end of the Grounds. Her hands are folded, she shivers in the cold spring morning air. I pace over to her, taking my scarf from my neck. I won’t be needing it anyway.

“You’re shivering, Princess.” I kneel in front of her and wrap the scarf around her neck, making sure to cover her as best as I can. Baekhyun scoffs at me, I stare at him in confusion.

“Oh, you can take his scarf but not mine, Princess?” He crosses his arms in mock hurt.

“I didn’t want your scarf, Duke Baekhyun.” Alina replies. “I have my husband to keep me warm.”

“Ahhh, so cute. So nauseating.” Lisette jokingly rolls her eyes. “Is it true that the King challenged Kyungsoo over dinner?”

“It’s true.” Alina nods. Chanyeol leans back, chuckling to himself.

“Oh, if he only knew what he did when he challenged our Crown Prince Kyungsoo.” Yixing adds with a confident smile. Alina unfortunately had only heard the borderline propaganda stories of my accolades and fighting style, it almost felt like it was part of the whole betrothal package. I shake my head at her and stand, leaving a kiss on her hand before I walk back to the center of the Grounds. I pace and center my thoughts on just beating this man to a pulp because killing him is not an option. I watch the pathetic King from a distance, studying him. He’s surrounded by guards, and this humors me.

“What an honor it is to play knight with the alleged Dark Horse of Seoul.” King Daniel taunts. I roll my eyes and watch Daniel as he approaches me confidently. The King smirks and points the swords edge at me. "You, my brother-in-law, will soon understand the valiant nature of the Azteco people today, no matter how much skill you may think you have."

I clash my sword with Daniel's to get it out of his face, annoyed. I refuse to start this respectfully, I don’t bow to him, and he doesn’t bow to me. That’s fine. I don’t need his respect. "It is my honor to prove otherwise, King Daniel."

We begin to circle each other; I grip the sword's handle and twirl it at my side. This is exactly what I wanted, it's what I need to do to get my point across. Anger boils in my chest and I spit on the ground near King Daniel’s feet. The Royal Guards disperse. I narrow my eyes at the King, mentally confirming my alibi if I decide to stab him in the heart. 

"You won the Valencian jackpot, didn't you? With that pretty little thing as your wife." Daniel smirks, speaking quickly in Aztecan. "You know, Crown Prince Kyungsoo, Little Crown Princess Alina had a crush on me for the longest time? It was cute, really. She'd dress up just for me and wear naughty things only my eyes would see-"

"Keep the Crown Princess’ name out of your disgusting mouth." I heatedly growl. "I know what you did, you disgusting piece of shit."

King Daniel chuckles and we begin to clash our swords, Daniel initiates the aggression. My defense allowed no room for error, each step I took had a purpose. "I haven't a clue what you speak of, Crown Prince. I can't understand you… Your Aztecan is embarrassingly terrible. She'd beg me for attention, what a needy, naughty girl."

That’s it.

I charge forward and launch an all-out assault against Daniel. The so-called man, a King of a Warrior Nation can barely wield a sword. Daniel swings his sword and I duck, kicking his ankle to knock him off balance. I growl angrily and hit my sword against Daniel's, struggling for dominance. My anger boils as I stare in the eyes of Alina’s abuser. I hear the whispers of how feral I look, unwilling to let Daniel get up. The murmurs of my eyes and how they turn black, how someone of my stature and status battles like a true soldier and not a baby-faced Crown Prince roll off of my shoulders. I don’t care. All that matters is my opponent begs for mercy and I won't stop until Daniel is either dead or heeds my warnings. 

"You naive boy, so naive. She probably hasn't spread those pretty legs for you the same way she did with me, huh?" 

I slice Daniel's arm in a fit of blind rage and jab Daniel's chest with the handle of my sword. I enjoy the sound of his screams, its payback.  My fist collides with his temple and face without let up until the King is on the ground, covered in blood. Daniel screams in pain and I flip the sword to point the edge to his pitiful throat. "Listen, King Daniel. Never will you go near my Alina again. If you dare to disobey me, you will wish you never crossed my path or laid a finger on my Princess. I will kill you with my bare hands and have absolutely no regrets. Understood?"

"Wh-What-What are you talking about?" Daniel nervously chuckles.

"I said is that understood you bastard?!" I glare into Daniel's eyes, all logic leaving my head. The thought enters my mind to end him now. The dukes whisper to each other as to what possessed me to react this way. If only they knew. Now, my reputation proceeds me and Daniel knows it. I press the blade onto Daniel's neck and the injured king shouts out, tears in his eyes.

"U-U-Uh-Understood."

"I'm sorry. I couldn't understand you." I hiss mockingly and presses the blade further, just enough to dent the skin. 

"I said I understood!" King Daniel screams. 

I pause and put my sword in its sheath and offer my hand to the King on the ground. "Good. I'm glad we understand each other."

Daniel uneasily takes my hand and I squeeze it, helping the beaten king to stand. "I meant what I said, not a word about Alina. You are not allowed near her or to even speak of her. Get it through your thick skull, if you don't it will be me holding your pathetic life in my hands and your nation's crown."

“Is that a threat?” Daniel musters.

“It is a promise.” I hiss.

“We’ll see who comes out of this a victor, Crown Prince. Not only were your pathetic father’s peace talks a sham, so are your empty promises. I’m not stopping until I get what I want.”

“We’ll see about that.” I laugh, rolling my eyes. I walk off of the Training Grounds and into my private changing room and ignore the calls to come back.

All except for one.

“Kyungsoo!” Alina’s eager voice caresses my ears and I turn, catching my princess in my arms. Her legs wrap around my waist and her smile weakens me. She takes my face in her hands and kisses me. She rests her forehead against mine, not caring how sweaty or dirty I was. “You truly are amazing, love. You are.”

I set Alina down and kiss her hand. “It was my honor, darling.”

“I couldn’t possibly begin to find a way to repay you, Amorcito…”

Alina looks deeply into my eyes and my, my… She can make my world stop with her gorgeous, earth toned eyes. She nods softly with happy tears falling down her cheeks. I kiss each one, gently spreading kisses across her face until our lips lock. I lean her onto the wall and hold her body close to mine, enjoying each second of our connection.

“Princess… You are everything to me. Everything. There is  no need to repay me. I did this because I love you, and you deserve justice. I don’t care what that pathetic excuse of a man does from here on out, I will find a way to defeat him. You are my motivation. You are my reason, my love.” I helplessly confess in between soft kisses.

“Kyungsoo…” Alina wavers with unease. “So, the rumors are true. I heard your father in the stands discussing it with your mother. You’re becoming King.”

“News spreads quickly…” I mutter.

“What does… That mean for me? Considering your mother…”

I smile and get on one knee in front of Alina, lowering my head and kissing her hands. I look up at her and hope my response will soothe her anxiety.

“My Queen…” I whisper. Her eyes widen and I kiss her hands again. “I wouldn’t ascend without you, darling.”

“This is all so fast, and I don’t know if I could be a good Queen and… and… Kyungsoo!” Alina shouts as I lift her over my shoulder and into the changing room, locking the door. My lips brush onto hers with ease, I press her against the door and just focus on her lips and holding her close. I briefly take myself away from our kiss, as much as I didn’t want to.

“Love… You’re going to be the best Queen history has ever seen. I’m honored that it’s you that will be ruling by my side. What happened today on these grounds is just the start of my plans. We’re going to win this war and have peace. For our kingdom. For us.” I say gently onto her lips. I have to ease her into this or she’s going to crumble.

“But… It’s dangerous to do a public coronation now…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it all. We have to do this because my father surmised it would be better that I am in this position. Mother is eagerly awaiting giving up the crown. I’ll make you the happiest Queen to have ever lived. I know this is all incredibly fast but anything can happen in a time like this.”

“I know… I know. love you, my King.” Alina whispers in a sultry tone.

“And I love you, my Queen.” I whisper back, connecting our mouths again, “nothing and no one will ever get to you again. We’re not playing by anyone else’s rules anymore. They’re ours now.”

Ours.

I love how that sounds.

[ask-the-crimson-king]

Primarch Sexuality Headcanons

Inspired by this post in which I got very excited to see someone else advocating for an ace-Fulgrim so I'm gonna list my view on the primarch's and their various sexualities.

May do a follow-up on the various captains and other Astartes in the Legions, though that post would get pretty huge pretty fast. I have a lot of opinions.

I invite others to share their perspectives if they have them. For full disclosure, I am coming at this as a homoromantic asexual who is VERY sex-repulsed, so that is, naturally, going to tinge my own perspective.

In Legion order:

Lion El'Johnson - Demisexual or grey-ace, uncertain about romantic interests. I haven't read too much on the Lion, and I know it seems to be popular to make the lad gay, but I don't quite get those vibes from him. I think he prefers women.

Fulgrim - Asexual panromantic. As was said in the thread linked above by the Consortium-human, definitely for aesthetic attraction. He is a peacock in the most literal way possible and I think he'd like his romantic partners to maybe be similar? I can definitely see him dressing them up ostentatiously.

Perturabo - Love the iron hermit, he's definitely a demiromantic asexual. Definitely sex-repulsed. Others would say aro but I could see him being romantically interested in someone if they took the time required for him to see them that way. I don't think gender would matter too much, but I think he'd have a more masc preference.

Jaghatai Khan - Grey-ace or Bisexual king. He's not someone who actively looks for relationships or flings but isn't opposed to them either, if he finds the person attractive.

Leman Russ - Exists in a quantum state between "homosexual bear" and "omnisexual bear". On the one hand, I can see him with basically anyone, but on the other, he gives that rugged sort of "passes as straight lumberjack, is actually gay as hell" type.

Rogal Dorn - Asexual... demiromantic? It's either demi or heteroromantic. Preference towards women or femme-presenting people. Probably sex-repulsed if not sex neutral.

Konrad Curze - Aromantic asexual. Has never had the interest. Has never wanted the interest. Pretty straight forward.

Sanguinius - I feel like it'd be cliche and also wrong to say demiromantic asexual. Aspec for sure. Maybe homoromantic? Maybe biromantic? He's tough to put a good finger on in terms of vibes.

Ferrus Manus - This is a gay man. Homosexual aromantic. I do not think he'd be very into a romantic relationship.

Angron - Heteroromantic asexual. If he ever had the true capacity for romance, anyway. The Nails probably stole it from him.

Roboute Guilliman - This one is tough. I want to say something aspec, as I said before maybe demi or grey. I don't think it's hard ace for him. In terms of a romantic orientation... Tough. I think he'd be interested in trying a date with a man, but I do want to say heteroromantic. Not closing himself off to the possibility of also being into them, but if he is bi-or-panromantic, he still has a preference for femme-presenting people and women.

Mortarion - See, most would probably also assume asexual, and I would maybe agree, but I've always had a thing in the back of my mind where he's just straight. Heterosexual man. Nothing wrong with it. He may be aromantic or just not interested in a relationship.

Magnus the Red - Aromantic asexual, I will say this with my full chest. Not opposed to a relationship, potentially, but would rather sex not be involved.

Horus Lupercal - I've seen some people say he's a bisexual disaster and while I can see where people are coming from, he's always had big asexual vibes, someone who's up for sex if his partners want it but is also just as fine without. Pan/omniromantic for sure though.

Lorgar Aurelian - Asexual for sure. I am consistently flipping between a bunch of different romantic orientations for him. I think he'd be an oriented demiromantic, but on the other hand. Hmm. He's tough. I saw panromantic and I think that is correct. May have a more masc preference though.

Vulkan - I feel like demisexual kinda cheapens him since everyone has flanderized him into being the "friendly" primarch, but it does feel fitting after everything I've read on him. So demi it is. Romantically... tough. Part of me wants to say aromantic. Another part wants to also put him as heteroromantic. One of those two.

Corvus Corax - Heterosexual, probably. I can definitely see him as a Castlevania-Dracula-"if you hurt my wife I will scour the lands and make sure your souls are damned for eternity"-type.

Alpharius/Omegon - It's a mystery, OooOooOO! I'm not gonna cop out like that. Based on what I've read, I see heterosexual aromantic. May be open to experimenting with men or androgenous people, but solidly prefers women as partners.

Bonus Round:

The Emperor of Man and Malcador are gay lovers. I have seen the light. I have read The End and the Death. They are homosexuals.

[renmackree]

WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by the ineffable @dear-massacre this time around.

I suppose more from my Sterek Romance Author AU maybe.

“Do you think authors believe everything they write? Do you think that JRR Tolkien thinks elves are real?” Stiles’ face dropped in concern now, hand moving back to the spot on Derek’s thigh. “ I was joking about the brain damage, but maybe I wasn’t too far off. Answer me truthfully: did you finish High School English?” Derek huffed and stood up from the bar, shoving Stiles’ hand off despite his body still tingling at the sensation of the touch. The party was dying down after the announcement, and he could make excuses to leave without anyone noticing. He had every intention of leaving without saying another word to Stiles, but something urged him to keep talking. “You couldn’t have written all those sweeping declarations of love without feeling something.” “Weren’t you the one who said I was a genius at my craft?” Stiles countered, taking a sip from his glass. “Am I suddenly a shitty writer because I don't believe in love?” Derek didn’t respond right away, debating on just leaving the conversation again. He knew it was stupid, but being told the books that had changed him so profoundly meant nothing to the author felt... wrong. Like he had been charmed into believing that he was understood by someone and then told it was just an elaborate prank. “You're really going to tell me you don’t believe anything you wrote?” Stiles tapped his glass against the bar and popped his lips, “I don’t. That’s why I asked you for a fuck, not a date.” “Then why would you want to entangle yourself with someone who does?” his grip tightened on the bag handles, uncertain if he wanted to know the answer to the question in the first place. “An author needs a muse, right?” Stiles shrugged, “Why not use the actual inspiration for one of my characters.” Derek didn’t say anything back, lost in the idea of what Stiles was offering. On the one hand, Derek was attracted to him; on the other hand, Stiles was clearly someone who would use him until he was bored and make fun of him the whole time.  Which, unfortunately, aroused Derek. “If you change your mind, text me,” Stiles said with a smirk. He grabbed the notebook from his pocket and ripped a page to scribble down a number. With a wink, he stuffed it into Derek’s tote and leaned against the back of the barstool. Derek turned from the bar and walked toward the exit, Stiles’ final line barely audible over the crowd. “I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave."

tagging whoever wants to but specifically @violetfairydust; @endwersed; @quackquackcey; @noxnthea; @geekmom13; @hedwig221b