#i still have four exams this week but I'll manage :)

[imwall-e]

W&TWS || Doubts

Summary : He is a super-soldier of more than 100 year old, struggling to find a place in this new world. She is a young student of 23, struggling with life. But they know they can find comfort and help in each other.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings : a bit of angst and anxiety, also fluff and always Bucky being the best

A/N : I am back to writing this fanfiction. It is more a journal to me, but it feels good to write like that and to share the story of Bucky and Willow. I hope you love it !

Series Masterlist

May 10th 2021

The exams had started the week of her birthday. Willow had barely revised, but was still doing her best to answer the questions and write good essays. She had a feeling, however, that it wouldn't be enough, but she was at peace with that. After all, this degree no longer suited her. All she had to do was make a decision: try her luck at the catch-up exams (because yes, she would definitely have to go), or give up altogether.

Strangely enough, her reflections led her to William. They had only been dating a few months, and she had taken just as long to get over what he had done to her. The wound still hadn't completely healed. A new question came to mind: was it a good idea to start a relationship with Bucky?

True, they had only exchanged a kiss, but perhaps everything was still moving too fast? Perhaps she needed to take her time? She wrote down all her anxieties on the paper she'd used for drafts, and promised herself she'd tell Bucky about them the next time they called.

He had gone back to New York a few weeks earlier, and it was difficult for them to communicate. She knew that a long-distance relationship wouldn't work in the long term. Especially in two different time zones.

She didn't want to get too attached like in her previous relationships. But Bucky seemed so kind. So thoughtful. However, bad times in the past forced her to be wary of many things, and many people. Even Bucky.

The teacher supervising the exam indicated that there was still an hour to go before the end of the exam. She glanced at her paper: barely four pages... She sighed, gathered her things, handed in her paper and went home.

The journey seemed long. Longer than usual. When she arrived, she was greeted only by her dog Dino. Her mother must still be at work. She took the opportunity to relax a little: take Dino for a walk, have something to eat, continue reading a book. Around 6pm, she took a shower and fell asleep a few minutes after getting into bed.

May 11th 2021

When she woke up, it was past midnight. The house was quiet. Her bedroom door was closed, probably by her mother who had preferred to let her sleep in. She reached for her phone and was blinded for several seconds by the brightness.

A few notifications from her group of friends told her that she wasn't the only one who had failed the exam. Dysariel's plan was holding up, which surprised none of them, after all he always got the best marks.

However, it was two other notifications that caught his attention. They were from Bucky:

Bucky Bear At 10.30pm: Hello Sunflower, I hope your day went well and that you managed to pass your mid-term. Give me your availability for tomorrow, I want to call you for your birthday. At 00:00: If my clock in New York is telling the right time for you, it's time for me to wish you a very happy birthday, my Sunflower. I haven't heard from you, so I assume you've fallen asleep. Thinking of you. PS: I also have a surprise for you that should arrive later today.   Sunflower At 00:15: Thank you, Bucky Bear! I'll be available from midday. I don't have any exams in the afternoon. Do I get a hint about my surprise? I'm thinking of you too. Bucky Bear  At 12:16am: Sorry, but if I tell you, it won't be a surprise! I've got to go to one last meeting. Go back to sleep, you need your rest. I can't wait to see you again.

His messages made her smile. He hadn't forgotten her birthday. He was going to surprise her. She had to concentrate on the positives. She wished she could go back to sleep now, but she knew she wouldn't be able to. So she grabbed her computer, plugged in her headphones and started watching videos. 

She was woken up by her seven o'clock alarm, just two hours after going back to sleep. She nearly fell asleep on the train journey to university. 

This morning she had an English grammar exam from nine to noon. However, she already knew that she would get out early because it was the subject she had mastered the most. Two or three exercises were more complicated and she could guess that she wouldn't get all the points. The most important thing was that she would at least pass the subject.

Zephyr, Dysariel, Axel and Ophélia went out more or less at the same time as her. They stayed another hour to eat together at one of the local fast-food restaurants. They talked about everything and anything. And Bucky.

"So," asked Dysariel, "how are things going with your handsome soldier?"

"Fine," replied Willow, blushing. I'm just a bit scared..."

"Of what?"

"That it's going too fast. Besides, the age difference is great, I mean he's over a century old."

They laughed together and all advised her the same thing: they were sure that what was between her and Bucky was special, but she had to take her time and think about her well-being.

Then came the time to go home. Zephyr went first, his parents being stricter about his going-out times. Then it was Ophélia's turn, as she had almost two hours by train to get home. Dysariel had things to do and wanted to revise for the hardest exam on Thursday: US history. Axel and Willow were the last to leave.

They had barely taken a few steps out of the main building when Axel remarked to Willow, "Look who's here." Indeed, Bucky was coming towards them, in a superb black suit. "I've got a train to catch and I think you deserve some time with him. Happy birthday again and see you on Thursday!" Before Willow could reply, Axel had already crossed the pedestrian crossing. When she turned her head towards Bucky, he was standing next to her, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands.

"Happy birthday, Willow. I hope you don't mind that I came unannounced, I definitely wanted to surprise you." He looked tired but happy to see her again. As for her, she couldn't say a word because she was so surprised. She could only throw herself into his arms.

He held her close. Her long blonde hair smelt of monoi, the scent they both associated with summer. Bucky could already see himself taking her on holiday to the beach, or to New York to meet the people he considered to be his family.

Together they got into the car. "I was thinking we could go for lunch somewhere?" Bucky suggested.

"We've already eaten with the others. Maybe tonight?"

"Yes, of course. Say, I've booked a hotel room for the week, at the park where we spent our first date. We can also spend the day there tomorrow. Are you interested?

"Why not."

Bucky noticed that Willow didn't seem as cheerful as usual. He gently stopped the car at the side of the road, and turned to her, "Is everything all right?" Worry showed on his face and Willow couldn't help crying. There was the stress of the exams, the happiness of seeing Bucky again, the fears that were interfering with her thoughts.

So she told him about all the doubts she had about their relationship. She apologised several times. Bucky took her face in his hands: "Willow, look at me. It's all right, I'm not angry with you. Unless you never want to see me again, we'll take our time. We'll go at your pace. I promise you that. Now, I just want to know if we spend the afternoon and tomorrow together, or if I drop you off at your place?"

"I think I'm scared because of what happened with my old boyfriends."

"Willow, you don't have to tell me about it. Only do it if you want to or if you're ready."

"I am."

"Then we'll talk about it, but let me take you out for dessert. I know when you get really anxious and it calms down, you get hungry right after."

The fact that he remembered little details like this warmed her heart, and a big smile lit up her face. Bucky started the car again, one hand resting on Willow's thigh. Willow put her hand on his. She was already feeling a little lighter.

I hope you love this chapter, I'm writing the next one ! Do not hesitate to like, comment and reblog if you feel comfortable to do so !

[ckmstudies]

July 5th:

Officially two weeks out from the exam. Resting yesterday was super nice but I once again have fallen behind. But I'm tired of talking about what didn't get done so here's what did get done: yesterday, I took the area five practice exam and made a 93% which is the highest I've made on a practice exam. Needless to say, I'm feeling much better about this material than the material in the previous two areas. Then today, in just under five hours, I did modules one through four of area six, the last area. Tomorrow I'm hoping to do modules five through eight and take the area six practice exam while aiming for another five hours of work done. I will then take the mini exam on areas five and six on Friday as well as the first simulated exam. This simulated exam will really tell me where I am in my studying and how much review I'll need before this exam. I would have liked to take the simulated exam today but it is what it is. Friday is going to have to be good enough!

Today's accounting topic: A review engagement is similar to an audit engagement but not test of controls are done and the auditor cares mostly about inquiries with management as well as analytical procedures, such as comparisons to predicted amounts.

Other activity: I played tennis at 7 am in the hopes of beating the heat and getting a head start on my day, but I ended up just going back to bed afterwards and sleeping later than usual. Still, the exercise was nice and so was getting some more rest.

[violetstormms]

DCA x Reader Random Recommendations Post 1

Welcome to the random recommendation corner. Here fics are recommended that sounded interesting but I have not gotten the chance to check out yet. This means that besides the description I have no idea what they contain so pay extra attention to tags and read at your own discretion. Some may eventually make it onto the regular recommendation list as this is essentially my “to read” list. If you are curious about the symbols before the fics you can check out the pined post for an explanation. This will be the same message before every post so you can just skip to read more if you have read this once.

(Since this is post 1 it will probably be a lot longer than future recommendations as there are many fics to get to)

+Overshadowed by skitterplant

 archiveofourown.org/works/52145545/chapters/131892796

Having learned of a streak of dissapearances plaguing the areas neighboring the Pizzaplex, Sun desperately tries to prevent more kids from going missing by any and all means necessary. Even if a highly suspicious "staff" woman, the one that's been stalking his children for weeks, must get lost instead.

Unluckily for him, Management seems uncharacteristically protective that person. Left with no other options, Sun uses the most powerful instrument at his disposal — a half-baked Moon AI. A tool that was supposed to get rid of his problem, and do it quickly. Was supposed to do it efficiently. Was supposed to do it cleanly.

What it wasn't supposed to do was wake up.

+If you'll be my star / I'll be your sky by Kamuucab

 archiveofourown.org/works/36594289/chapters/91273864

You can hide underneath me and come out at night

When I turn jet black and you show off your light

I live to let you shine...

Burnout sucks, man.

While taking time off from getting your degree after a pretty disastrous exam season, an off-the-cuff request leads you into the walls of the huge and colourful Pizzaplex. After an encounter with an intriguing jester, circumstance leads to a newfound job and entangles you within the sticky web of the mysterious and infamous company that is Fazbear Entertainment Inc.

Also, you befriend two clowns. Eventually. Turns out when you mix advanced AI with childcare things get a little weird.

Fazbear Inc: I have made a daycare supervisor

You: you fucked up a perfectly good robot is what you did. Look at it. It's got anxiety.

+Two Choices by Maelstrome

 archiveofourown.org/works/43132227/chapters/108398172

You chose this.

There was regret of course, but turning back wasn't an option anymore. You couldn't lose this new game you found yourself in, and somehow you managed to feel more and more alive the longer you played...

You have worked in sanitation since the pizzaplex opened, but that all changed when you had a bit of a mishap in the kitchen. With the only real option left being an assistant in the daycare, you decided it couldn't be worse that your previous position.

Between the surly daycare attendant, bosses breathing down your neck and the corporate overlords coming for a visit, your starting to think you make really shitty life choices.

-Abandoned Yet Alive by Be_NotAfraid

 archiveofourown.org/works/51888442/chapters/131200477

This is SO CLOSE to being a self-indulging fic but yk. I'm holding out here.

You like exploring. A lot, actually. Seeing the plant life reclaiming buildings, cars, and all that stuff is just amazing. Of course, you do come across a few oddities along the way. But that's what everyone expects! What you don't expect, however, is not one, not two, but four animatronics. One of them even seems to work, still. Maybe you could get the others up and running? Just a maybe. You didn't delve into robotics for nothing, after all. This just isn't exactly where you expected to use it.

`Kill the Lights by hahskeleton

 archiveofourown.org/works/52911100/chapters/133839028

When you moved to the big city of Evergrove after college, assuming you’d find a suitable career for yourself but end up working at a lowly 24-hour coffee shop, you don’t expect your life to take a wild turn when you come across a movie, short on actors.

At least you’ve made a few new friends despite not having any before, right?

Wrong. Something you never could have imagined is circling Afton Movie Studios, and one lonely day after a scene shooting could change the course of your future, and the studio’s unforeseeable demise.

`Pluck my Heartstrings by Nekomiko and Wandering_Leprechaun

 archiveofourown.org/works/52834789/chapters/133640092

Fazbear Entertainment LLC decided to purchase and buy out a rival (but less successful franchise); Medieval Times. It has now been officially announced that the first Fazbear Medieval Times is due to open in early 2035, according to sources.

___________

You're a classically trained vocalist and FazCo offers you a job to perform as their new Regent character, under the condition that no one finds out that the Princess animatronic is really being puppeteered by you. But your Royal Jesters are really distracting with all their weird flirting. Moon only seems to flirt with you when you're out of costume, while Sun can't get enough of you while you're in costume. Working in Castle Faz is weird.

A love triangle of mistaken identity and bonding over a love of performance. And robots, of course.

Jester!Sun/Moon x Vocalist!Reader (SFW)

updates Fridays

+Tokens by VoidSupernovae

 archiveofourown.org/works/43201384/chapters/108582367

Tokens were something that was very prevalent to you growing up.

They are the first thing your parents use to teach you about monetary value. They are the gifts that you receive unexpectedly from the people you love. They are offerings of affection for the people you care about.

Token are everywhere in different sizes and shapes.

And although adulthood has faded some of the significance around them, you can't help but recognize when they fill your life again.

*Latest and Greatest by TheHomophobe

  archiveofourown.org/works/53474080/chapters/135348469

Years ago, humans were overthrown by an invasive alien species known as the Raptures. We headed underground and created a new home called the PLEX. During our new life, we created a set of equipped robots known as the Final Nation Android Fighters, which are built to protect the remaining citizens of the plex and fend off the raptures on the surface.

You are the newest commander and were given the offer of testing the newest version of the F.N.A.F, version 7, the Glamrocks.

---------------------------------------------------

AKA a FNAF SB au inspired by NIKKE: GODDESS OF VICTORY

`Love, Death and Rollerskates by Spadillelicious

  archiveofourown.org/works/50709166/chapters/128098096

After moving to Crescent City in the 80s, you pick up a job at the local roller rink Party Planet. Ironic, considering roller skating is definitely not one of your talents.

On the bright side, you get to work with the friendly Sun. On the other hand, you also have to interact with the gruff janitor and security guard Moon on a daily basis.

But when staying after hours one day, despite being strictly instructed not to, you find out a terrible secret that changes everything you knew about Sun, Moon and Crescent City forever.

*A Love Most Monstrous by StarvingMe

  archiveofourown.org/works/53370430/chapters/135076891

Alternative title: What Has A Varying Number of Limbs And Misses You Terribly?

You're sent to fill in for another scientist one day for a pair of recent additions. What's the worst that could happen?

*Earth-Movers by CapriccioFarce

  archiveofourown.org/works/53599036/chapters/135677824

You were boring, and you liked it that way. Yet when three immortal dimension travelers stumble their way into your life, you find out that you too can travel dimensions. Now, excitement has entered your life, and you must adapt with the tide or else you'll get swept away.

`Rising Stars and Celestial Bodies by Laurzzz

  archiveofourown.org/works/52294807/chapters/132288019

Your attention snaps back to the silence of the man that called you to his office so early in the morning. He sits there, giving you an indispensably formal expression.

He’s always so hard to read, and that irks you.

“What is this?”, you ask dryly, raising an unamused eyebrow at your stuffy boss. The bright sunlight shining in through the massive window to your right only fuels your irritation.

“Details for the tentatively temporary partnership with FazEnt.”, his voice drizzles slowly. “More specifically, in regards to the Celestial Twins.”

`Shooting for the Sun by SourTomato

  archiveofourown.org/works/43264908/chapters/108748113

Owning a gun shop, you've met your fair share of A-holes. Your first animatronic customers come in and catch your attention. Why do they keep talking to you like you've met before?

`(love is) a seed that grows by starboundpix

  archiveofourown.org/works/52658560/chapters/133197724

You just want a regular scarecrow, not whatever this shiny metal scarecrow-esque thing is. Too bad your aunt didn't get the memo.

(a mini series depicting the life of a farmer who is sent a top of the line farm helper animatronic.)

`Aquatic Animatronics by AmethystApple

 archiveofourown.org/works/53493703/chapters/135399952

You got a job at Fazbears very first Waterpark!! Yippie! It’s just a water job with robots how bad can it be

*Shooting Stars by AmethystApple

  archiveofourown.org/works/53493439/chapters/135399349

Reborn into a new world, Sun and Moon now have to adapt to the new rules and systems in the environment, that they’re no longer inhabited humans. It’s strange for these sheltered animatronics to be pushed into the real world, completely different from what they had known previously as a daycare attendant. Especially when they now have their separate bodies. They aim to simply survive and stick together, but a new interest causes their world to turn.

Being born into the organization's biggest lab for humans, you are raised to become a performer for the enjoyment of others. Singing songs, playing music, dancing, it was never forced on you, the staff just realized how much potential you had. And you readily accepted your role, optimistic. When two animatronics enter your life, it gets all too exciting, even when they attempt to shake you off you all manage to meet again and again.

`Dealer's Choice by Certified_Handler

  archiveofourown.org/works/41631765/chapters/104426508

1960s; William Afton runs the most state of the art casino on the Las Vegas strip employing a predominantly animatronic staff that draws in a lot of... interesting clientele. And YOU, you lovely thing, have just gotten a job as the bartender in the VIP lounge where the most unsavory characters you come across happen to be Mr. Afton's most distinguished guests. Thankfully you seem to have stumbled your way into the good graces of the blackjack dealer and the head of security.

These will be a series of tiny, bite-sized ficlets taking place in this Alternate Universe

-Ashes Make Good Fertilizer by BuzzyBee3

  archiveofourown.org/works/53445730/chapters/135275146

It's been your dream to own a greenhouse since you can remember. Currently living in a small town known as Doland Springs in Arizona, you are currently on your way to making this dream a reality. You just don't realize that your life is about to change because of a certain daycare attendant, who is about to make a surprise appearance in your life after the horrific fire at the Mega Pizza Plex.

~The Future Stares Back by vivisols

  archiveofourown.org/works/52742515/chapters/133400584

After a meteor strikes the Earth and a large chunk of the population gets wiped out, the remaining humans undergo rapid evolution in order to survive rising sea levels and much harsher temperatures. Decades later, the daycare attendant wakes up from an emergency shutdown. Desperate to navigate the new world and find a sense of purpose after everything they've ever known was ripped away from them, Sun and Moon eventually stumble upon one of these evolved humans.

You. A mer on land and very far from home.

With no way of understanding each other, the three of you now have to work together to survive.

*From the City that Hates You by Times30

  archiveofourown.org/works/48696412/chapters/122837956

It's truly amazing that you got this far. Lies, broken promises, corruption, greed, scorned advances and three bots forced into a city that hated them from the moment they existed. What happens when their dark dealing reach your ears and your own hidden past comes to light?

Hitmen Sun & Moon & 80T x Cyberpunk Future Y/N (SFW)

-Twisted Metal by KingAggressive

  archiveofourown.org/works/52732204/chapters/133375747

You're an automotive mechanic repositioned to work on a sentient animatronic after the well-known Fazbear Co. first got hands on the ruined animatronics of their former enterprise. Do you have any idea how any of this works? Nope. Are you willing to try because a specific two-faced robot made you feel sympathy for a piece of metal? Yes.

It may only be a paycheck to you, but its a lifetime to them.

`Tools, Oil, Blood, Sweat by DepthoftheVoidnest

  archiveofourown.org/works/53786599/chapters/136142272

As a little mechanic in a world of smog and smoke, things can be hard. Corruption ran thick, gangs and mafia ruled the city, and kindness ran thin. Luckily your little shop was there for those in need, no matter the problem you wasn't afraid of a little pain to get something fixed. Hands in hot oil? No problem. Deep bites from a fearful animatronic? No problem. This little back alley shop was a breath of fresh air for many tin-cans who was in need for a little oil, and eventually problems come stumbling in you just cant get rid of. That is, if you even wanted to?

Ill add more tags later down the line <3

~Ocean Symphony Fiasco by Melanierana

  archiveofourown.org/works/47178157/chapters/118868140

You're a surfer but due to some unlucky circumstances you have to sit out for a couple of days. So you go to a zoo where you meet an interesting creature.

TW: reader get insulted by teenagers, swearing and mention of blood

starting out good.

[martsonmars]

Hello friends! First SSS of the year for me. Also an early post because I want to write after sleeping and maybe some validation early in the day will help 💖 I have six snippets from six WIPs to share (only the fifth one written today, which makes me sad because I really wanted to share new new words, but it's okay) and I want to talk about them, so I'm throwing everything under the cut with the tags.

You can vote for the WIP you'd like me to continue the most (except Like We Had A Clue, because I know people are waiting for an update and it would skew the vote hahaha). Pick one of the other 5! Though as always I'll follow inspiration and not what the people want.

Love you all <3 hope you're taking care of yourself in these trying times.

1. First EGF WIP. I have many ideas for EGF, but considering a) possible writer's blocks, b) exams, c) other non EGF related WIPs, I honestly don't know how much I'll manage to write. This one is the most “urgent” one because it's a collab with @aroace-genderfluid-sheep and he's already done so many cool things for it and I'm so excited!!! The snippet I'm sharing is all I've written for this fic. Oh well!

“You could've at least sent us to Dante's inferno. That would've been intellectually stimulating.”

“This place is plenty stimulating.”

Of course it is. It's a fucking sex dungeon.

2. Second EGF WIP. I shared something from this already. There's hope I'll finish this one because it's short, but knowing myself I can't make promises hahaha.

“I’m sorry,” they say. Their voice is deep and smooth, like I imagine a cello would sound if it could talk. “I don’t think I can have dinner with you tonight.”

I can’t hide how much it stings. Of course my monster under the bed would come out just to reject me.

3. Like We Had A Clue. Chapter 5 is outlined in detail but I'm still struggling so much with it. Have some sentences I might have shared already in the past because I wrote them months ago!

“Are you trying to trap me, Snow? Keep me here to make food for you forever?”

“What if I am?”

I raise an eyebrow. His hand is still on my arm. He lets it fall.

4. WIP I shared from a couple of weeks ago. I want to have fun with this so I'm not forcing myself to write it, but I also really want to finish it. It's a struggle, always 🤣

(There's nothing innocent about four thousand words of Fangvald having a pity wank after Cherry spat on his face and demanded to know the true motives behind his betrayal.)

But it's fanfiction. Exploring fictional worlds and fictional characters and fictional relationships.

It would say nothing about me if he hadn't also linked two of my longest 4am rants about loneliness and deserving love.

5. Mystery WIP. I started plotting it yesterday and I've already lost steam. We'll see if it ever gets written.

25/12, 11:27AM

basiltea: Of course I'll help you.

basiltea: You can't be trusted to handle this alone and make it work.

Excalisbury: I LOVE YOU

basiltea: I'm just saving you from yourself.

6. Picture book story! The issue with this one is that I have to rewrite it completely. I have @johnwgrey's super useful notes, but I hate rewriting and editing with a burning passion, and this story needs so much work it hurts. But I'll do it!

Of course Snow had no reason to trust him. The fact that Baz had decided he’d never even try to hurt him again couldn’t erase five years of antagonism. Especially because Snow didn’t know about his change of heart. (It would’ve been ridiculous. Hey, Snow, I decided I don’t hate you anymore. Quite the opposite, instead. Can I kiss you?)

That was a lot. I feel like Simon and Baz are possessing me because I want to write SO MUCH, I literally can feel the words pushing to get out, but the second I open a doc it all fades out. Ugh. Hopefully I'll be more motivated in the morning.

So many no pressure tags for you lovelies:

@wellbelesbian @urban-sith @tea-brigade @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @facewithoutheart @palimpsessed @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @forabeatofadrum @fatalfangirl @prettylightsbigcity @whatevertheweather @jbrrring @confused-bi-queer @moodandmist @bookish-bogwitch @letraspal @dragoneggos @captain-aralias @takitalks @excalisbury (stealing your @ for Simon's Discord username hahaha) @otherworldsivelivedin @cutestkilla @ileadacharmedlife @gekkoinapeartree @bazzybelle @basiltonbutliketheherb @messofthejess @ivelovedhimthroughworse @nightimedreamersworld @artsyunderstudy @foolofabookwyrm-activated @ionlydrinkhotwater @yellobb @orange-peony @ic3-que3n @whogaveyoupermission @katmiscellanious @yeonjunenby @erzbethluna @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @shrekgogurt @raenestee @onepintobean @stitchyqueer @hushed-chorus

[nehirose]

like it would probably help if i ever actually talked about things anymore but see also: tired.

i've been out of work for a year. i was supposed to be able to take a break and then get back to it, but instead thing after thing that was more urgent priority and needed to be wrangled has happened. (this isn't isolated to me. by any stretch of the imagination.)

& the job hunt hasn't been great. the last interview i had was for mcdonalds and it went really well! but the gm was out of town and by the time they came back, the location had gotten more applicants. with prior experience. who got hired over me.

they still have the now hiring sign up. it was kind of a body blow to my ego but more importantly fed into the whole thing where -

i am struggling pretty hard with the recursive loop of untreated adhd making it like wading through hip deep cement to get anything - including and especially the things i desperately WANT to do and NEED to do to make any of this easier. get a job get insurance get meds. do paperwork get meds get job? - watch friends with more recent dx but usable insurance struggle to find providers get prescribed not just give up because they struggled their way into a stable place without help so what's even the point.

make art again. enjoy my hobbies again. which i have at least been actually functionally interested again?

partner has a good job and has been a godsend. we're much better off than we were a year and a few months ago, when i was the only one working. we consistently have rent covered, and money for food, the occasional action figure full of serotonin.

the schedule sucks (12 hour days dispersed out over a schedule that repeats every two weeks, rather than every week, and whether those 12 hours are 6am-6:30pm or 6pm to 6:30am switches every four weeks. it's predictable, just irregular, if that makes sense. we're currently on nights - well, i'm doing my best not to be, just adjusting the times for drop off and pick up. there ARE other shifts and teams available, buuuuuuu) uuuuuut the pay is amazing. by rights we should be fine all of the time, barring unforseen disaster. we're stable where we are -

it's just still a one bedroom shared with three people and two cats that is where none of us still want to be living.

we all need trips to the dentist. and follow up dental work. i need an eye exam and new glasses. i probably need to get my migraines more managed if i'm going to keep whatever job i do manage to get. the car needs headlights replaced and to investigate the horrible creaking noise when you are backing out in a turn. we should be doing a better job of trying to put anything into savings, but that's hard.

everything would be /just enough/easier with me bringing in any kind of income. possibly even better than good.

i've been beating myself up about this a lot.

i'm working on that.

i have an *incredible* team for support. my partner and my closest friend who i don't actually live with are both absolute rocks. patient as hell in all of this, but it's hard. willing to help me with getting things out & getting supplies acquired if i manage to get rolling on any one of multiple projects that are currently (finally) percolating. (my other close friends think i deserve to be able to have a break.) (i think that might be a middle ground.)

things ARE looking up. i'm still trundling ever forward and socially i'm so, so, so much happier and better off than i have been in a long time, it's just, y'know.

wading through slowly drying concrete is really, really hard. some days are better than others. things ARE going to improve, one stubborn step after another.

i'm just tired, man.

i'm tired.

i'll be okay.

(but i should probably go to bed.)

[eli-writes-sometimes]

OC-Tober Day 2

I'm doing @icannotreadcursive's oc-tober prompt list (which you can find here), and today's prompt was:

Getting ready for a formal event

So here's Luke and Harper, from Superlosers, getting ready for their university's end-of-year party!

He had been looking forward to it for weeks, and it was finally here. He had been told that the end-of-year party at the university was legendary, both from testimonials on social media and from his older brother, who had seen 5 of them during his course four years before.

A 24-hour long party at whatever the largest venue that the student council could hire, and whoever lasted the longest was treated like royalty, and could wear their victory like a badge of honour for the next month, or as long as anyone still cared about it.

Being Luke's first year, he had never experienced it before, and he was planning to make the most of it.

"Right, what are you planning to wear?"

Harper was lying on his bed, playing with her hair as she stared at him examining his wardrobe.

"Do I need a plan? I was hoping to just throw on whatever I could find on the night" "Are you joking?" She got up, moving over to him and pushed him away, inspecting the meagre contents of his wardrobe. "This is only the biggest party in the city! Everyone is going to be there, and we're not going to be any different! We have to look good, all right?" "Yeah, yeah, I get it. My wardrobe isn't exactly stocked for a fancy event, I don't know if you can tell."

Luke flicked through the hanging clothes, looking past his vast collection of band t-shirts and cargo trousers, trying to find something that he could wear.

"You're the fashion expert, right? Have you got any advice?" "Right, is there any way that you could acquire a suit in the next 24 hours?"

Luke glared at her, and she held up her hands in a surrender.

"Right. I'll improvise then." "What's that supposed to mean?" Luke asked, but his question was ignored as Harper disappeared out of the room, walking towards her own with a purpose one would associate with a warrior marching to a holy war.

******

Half an hour and a long car ride later, Harper returned, running back into Luke's room brandishing a large black bag.

"What the hell have you got there?" Luke asked, taking off his headphones as she entered, gently slamming the door behind her. "Your outfit! I saw you had some black cargo trousers, so those were fine, and I managed to liberate these from my parent's house for your upper layer!" "Can I ask what these are?" He said, his voice only slightly betraying his nervousness. "Well, you know how I went to that girl's school from when I was in year 10? They had black uniforms, right? Well, I thought I could repurpose it!" She was grinning now, and Luke sighed, holding up his hands and trying to get a sense of what she was talking about. "Hold on, hold on. Are you saying that you want me to go to this formal attire event wearing your old school uniform?" "Yeah! Doesn't it look good?" She pulled the black blazer out from the bag, holding it up with a huge smile on her face. She didn't seem to notice the fact that the school's logo was still very obviously embroidered on the lapel of the blazer, "And you see no problems with this?" "Of course not!" "What about the logo though?" Luke pointed at it, a small golden tree growing out from the school's initials. "What about it? I was planning to go at it with a seam ripper, when I'm done it'll be like it was never there!"

Luke couldn't stop himself from grinning, swept along by his girlfriend's intense enthusiasm. She was clearly a textiles student, and she clearly loved her craft.

"You know what? I can't believe you're willing to go this far just for an outfit for a freaking last-day-of-exams party" "Why wouldn't I be? It's a big one! Both our first party as students here and our first year together! It's a big event. of course I'm going to put a lot of effort into it! Plus, we need to look goo stumbling out of there at 11 Sunday morning." "I guess you're right. Well then, show me the seam ripper!"

*****

Turns out, Harper had also "liberated" a white shirt from her dad's wardrobe, and managed to make Luke look like he actually belonged in the formal setting that was going to devolve oh so quickly.

"Look at that. A vision." She said as she looked him up and down. "I wouldn't go that far, but I appreciate it." He said, grinning. "You're so modest." "Of course, I'm obviously the most modest person ever"

The two of them dissolved into fits of laughter, before returning to planning what they were sure was going to be the best night of their lives so far.

[gatalentan]

I'm 32 years old now, sitting on a bench.

Inside me is a 20 year old sitting on a windowsill.

I developed myalgic encephalomyelitis (m.e. or "chronic fatigue syndrome") when I was around 14. It's post-viral, like long-covid, and has much of the same symptoms (though overwhelming fatigue from small actions and muscular pain, predominantly), in varying degrees from person to person. I don't know exactly when it happened. I had a lot of infections as a kid, it could have been any one of them.

What I do know is that it snowballed in a slow way that felt like my body was being dismantled bit by bit. Over time, I lost the ability to walk. And then stand. And then sit, until eventually I became almost completely bedbound, but certainly housebound, roombound. I was in pain all the time. I had a migraine all the time. I was sick all the time. 

In the gaps between, on the good days, where the symptoms were manageable, I could go to school, go to class, see friends, make bad choices, get bullied, finish my exams, normal teenage things, good and bad. But the good days became scanter and scanter, until by the tail end of my teens all I knew was my four walls and my bed.

I cannot express to you how being trapped in one room makes you into a fundamentally weird person. And I don't just mean psychologically, because, obviously, duh. But people talk about depression making you numb, and it does, but I was very literally numbed.

It was the sensory deprivation. The only time I left the house, my room, for about 4 years was for hospital appointments. I went weeks or months without feeling so much as a breeze, or even a draught from a door opening. No sun, no cold bite, no rain. Just the same dead air, absolutely stagnant, day in and day out, for years. It was like if you put a blindfold over my senses. The only real sensory input I had was the physical pain of my disability, whatever food I was given (shelf stable, room temperature, packaged), and whatever I listened to on my headphones. For years.

And I mean only too, because what the illness also did was fuck up my sleep. On a bad day, I'd sleep over 24 hours. My record was 32. And when I was awake, it was for maybe 5 hours at a push. When you sleep that much, statistically, I woke up to the rest of the house already asleep, the world outside asleep, for those five small hours, more often than not.

So for months, years, I was alone in a dark, silent room with dead air, lit by the only lamp I could reach from my bed, eating food left on a tray on the floor for me by my parents, in excruciating pain. I would sometimes go weeks without our clocks aligning. Just my own head, looping the same thoughts, because nothing happened, so nothing was new. Talking to no-one, seeing no-one, touching no-one, but knowing life was going on around me. 

My school friends were growing up, going to college, university, getting married, having children. I'd see their posts on Facebook, like I was looking through a window. I deleted my Facebook.

I was in suspended animation. 

I got sent to inpatient physio in my early 20s, for three months, five hours from home. I got specialised treatments. I learned to walk again. I could do things again. I could see people again. I could go outside again. I could live a mostly normal life. I got therapy. It helped.

But I was still in suspended animation.

I'm still in suspended animation.

I'm walking around, and living my life, but I'm still in that room.

I know that whenever I go walk the dog and it's cold or it's windy or it starts raining and I just start crying, and crying because I can feel.

For a lot of years, after being freed, I pressed everything down, refused to live, because everything was too new, too much. I developed depression that was worse than when I was locked up, because I was grieving what I'd lost. I'll always be grieving what I lost. But I have to live now, because she couldn't.

When I say I'm happy to be alive it sounds like a platitude. But I'm not talking about getting to experience life and opportunities, I mean on a very physical, fundamental, biological level, I am happy to be alive. 

I get to stand by the water and watch the sea come in - I can hear it, smell it, taste it, see it, feel it. Being fully aware of your own sensory experiences and the absolute miracle they are is what I've been left with. It's hard for me to do things without full commitment, anymore, because everything is so much and I want to feel all of it. I take so many photos, all the time. If I go for a walk somewhere nice, it's like I almost can't take it all in at once. Like I'm Bruce Bogtrotter trying to eat that chocolate cake in Matilda. I want to experience it and hold onto it and remember it and take all of it in and lick the plate clean, too.

It's all the time, even in the small, everyday things. I don't look for it, it's just there. The rattle of a poorly maintained bus engine under my seat. The smell of bakery section at the supermarket. Hot toast with half melted butter sticking to my lips. The jingle of ice cubes on glass. Birds calling to each other. Other peoples' cigarette smoke on my clothes. The dog smacking his tail against my leg under the table. Making a joke and getting a laugh. 

You're always being touched, but until it was taken from me, I had no quantifiable concept of how much, how often, and how much I was missing. I just knew that it was missing.

I wasn't alive, I wasn't living, but now I am. 

I'm a 20 year old who painfully climbed up on the windowsill in the middle of the night to feel the breeze on her face for the first time in months, who is crying, and crying. 

I'm a 32 year old sitting on a bench under a tree in the rain and giving it to her.

[delicris]

school vent post MWAH

anywaysss... basically, i'm in my final year of "high school" (in quotation marks because i could go on for hours about the czech school system and how it's different from the rest, but no one needs to listen to all that, so i'm calling it high school just so you get the broad idea of where i'm at in my studies) and we choose four seminars and then we take a school-leaving exam based on those chosen seminars. czech is mandatory, then you choose between maths and a second language and the rest of the four are completely up to you. for those i chose biology and geography... i've just gotten home from my first geography lesson and there's... so. much.

but there's already so much to cover in that bio seminar, people always advise you to NOT take it, if you don't want to study biology, or you don't need it for an entrance exam to uni, but i DO need it, so i had to choose it. and i love geo and i'm not much interested in any of the other seminars, so obviously i chose geo as the second one, but i had no fucking idea it would be just as bad, if not fucking worse

we have to teach three lessons in the entire year, which isn't even a full year, and you have to make three different forty-minute presentations to base the lessons of... for bio, you only do this ONCE.

there are obviously tests on the orientation on the map, but there are sometimes over 200 places you have to learn, sixteen of which are actually on the test. and you get eighteen of these tests in total, but each time it's a different set of places

and then there are the exams from the stuff your classmates have had presentations on + the geo basics, which make up five topics that are covered in these exams, but that's a shit ton of materials to learn for a single fucking exam you take several times in that one year

AND I DON'T EVEN NEED GEOGRAPHY FOR UNI, YES IT DOES TIE INTO BIO, BUT I. DON'T. NEED IT.

and i forgot the tests on orientation in media, where you're quizzed on the news of the week. every week. i hate the news, i hate keeping up with it, i find it so fucking boring etc etc

but that isn't all... i'm so fucking stupid that i decided to take up sing language because it's a program from our school, so i don't have to commute somewhere, i just go into a different building, BUT THAT'S TWO MORE CLASSES, WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA??

+ i tutor every week, i'm trying to finish getting my driver's licence and i need to start going to the gym to prepare for my entrance exam to uni because they test your physical abilities as well...

maybe this sounds pretty tame to someone, but i've always had a lot of free time to just sit down and do whatever i wanted and now i've been thrown into this whirlwind and i don't know what to do, i've never had to consider my timetable to make plans, i've always had enough time to study and prepare for any exam, but still get an opportunity to just exist... but i feel like i won't be able to have that now and i don't think i'll handle it well

every teacher expects us to always be prepared, to care about their subject, to make time to learn it all and manage all this, but i just... i know i won't be able to, i know that at some point it'll get bad because i don't fucking know how to organize shit, how to be productive, social and mindful of my needs while staying fucking sane

this will be a hell of a year and i can't wait for it to be over already

[writingonesdreams]

Happy sts to you, Dreams ^^ I hope you're having a lovely one. I don't have a specific question for you this week, so consider this your free pass to ramble about whatever writing-related has been on your mind recently, and also, to take a page from your book, may I have an update on how your writing is going? :D

Hehe update question, why not :D

I have actually two new characters as you might have noticed. Juno, fellow researcher and earth elemental and Cameron, from the international dragon management who will play an interesting contrast to Zephyr for Skye and be important for Zephyr's arc as a whole. I have been gathering and writing down quotes for their scenes all week, hadn't yet had time to write them down in full yet cause exams. But the exam from literary theory I'm taking is proving to be quite entertaining and inspiring on it's own. There are actually researchers for pop culture and genre defining books like Twilight and Hunger Games? And schemas fantasy follows, with four most well-known? This is great food for the thesis I'll be writing this semester.

I'm also coming to terms Zephyr's character might be better of telling me what it wants to be like himself, and through my unconscious decisions about him instead of conscious ones, cause when I overanalyze him I just give myself a headache. Someone remind me of that in my next Zepnyr related crisis XD. But like I found this movie series Hornblower about this rising ship captain in the navy and he is so heroic, noble, moral, polite, strict with himself...and so obsessed with all those heroic ideals, keeping his word, the greater causes it's hilarious and reminds me of Zephyr. I think he could nicely manifest the greater good and heroic ideals arguments - to show their charm and also their pitfalls. I hate the greater good argument personally, but he could be a good OC to explore and subvert it with.

I always struggled with making my OCs flawed in case they were too imperfect, cause if a flaw went too far I was the one to stop liking them XD. Is what I can't stand writing villains or abhorrent behavior. But recent debates with Nectar kinda made me realize that the fun aspect could come above the relatablity aspect and if I focus more on the dissonance between characters and myself and what I consider right and perfect...I would have much more freedom. To let my OCs do some questionable and nasty things. Maybe get called out on them, maybe not.

As much for plot stuff. Unrelated to that I found out about Sicktember and Whumptober and I'm considering writing this mini series of hurt/comfort moments for my cast just for myself (since I don't know if and where to post it anyway). The lack of plot and higher meaning for these fascinating self-indulgent instances still worries me, plus there is also the factor of how much do you have to know and care about a character before you enjoy seeing them suffer or get comforted? But I gathered a prompt list and scene ideas, so maybe it will work. Or maybe it will work better once I introduce Kieran and Cameron properly (do those two names sound too similar in English? They look different enough written, but I'm not sure and I hate similar names. Terror of storytelling experience brr).

Ha, look at that, I rumbled quite a bit. Hehe this question will work for me, I always have some weird writing thoughts going on XD.

Thanks for asking!

[boba-beom]

it's probably also because of grieving. i lost my grandfather nearly a month ago and he was my everything, so it's a little hard to keep going forward nowadays, but i'm trying my best❤️ but thank you for wishing me luck on my other exams, i really appreciate that. i only have two more left!! i was really thankful to only get 3 exams this semester since the usual load is 5-7💀

the huskiness in beomgyu's voice is something i don't think i've heard before in kpop and it's always drawn me in. i love all of txt's vocals, they're all so beautiful in their own way and style, but beomgyu's have always stood out to me and will always be my favorite❤️ but fr his range is insane this album - he was the one switching most often from his lower register to falsetto within the same line and his transition was so seamless like wow. it's insane how good his vocal tone and texture is, especially during the high pitch parts where he still manages to remain so airy without straining. but omg when he was performing farewell neverland i could literally feel all of the emotions pouring out with each word he sang, he's just such an amazing performer.

pls soobin is so cute and the yellow sweater made him look like a ball of sunshine. i love him sm he's so 🥺🥺🥺

you could tell hueningkai was definitely in his zone, enjoying the whole ride (badum tsssss). you can easily tell he always gives it his all and these two performances were no different. he has such a beautiful voice too and his ability to always sing so full of emotion and power never fails to surprise me. he's such a good vocalist and i wish people recognized that more🥺

soobin's and beomgyu's voices go so well together and i think it might have to do something with the fact that their tones are slightly similar. i just absolutely loved hearing their verses one after the other in farewell neverland and that bridge HONESTLY. i have ascended yet again🥺

omg yes, it's exactly that tonality that's so pleasing to the ears and also very unique! girl, i swear, when taehyun sings, he sings with his whole soul and you can most certainly feel it. he's such an amazing vocalist with such a good range (i think he's a baritone, but he's proven more than once that his range extends to tenor ones) and the raspiness adds to the charm of his vocals🥺

this comeback truly proved just how much they've grown these past few years and how there's no concept they can't embody. the amount of content we got this comeback with the shows and interviews was the most i think it's ever been and i enjoyed every second of it. i especially love seeing them go on variety shows🥺 they're honestly so funny and i love seeing them interact with the staff as well, it's always so sweet❤️ i can't believe it's already been four years though, how does time fly by so fast😭

thank you bestie omg, i'll join u in manifesting that🥺❤️

I'm so sorry to hear that, april, I know how difficult that can be losing a grandparent, but take every little day as a small step.

as for exams, that's actually pretty good that you've only got 3 instead of your typical 5-7 exams. it'll go by quick and update me on those when they're done!!

literally so true, I love how unique their voices are. and they're progressing too! or even so just starting to show us what they're capable of doing!! I'm always going to be excited for their future albums, even their songs for OSTs. of course their voices always exceeds our expectations, we can never expect less from them, truly.

they are so precious when they're on variety shows, and it just shows how much effort they put into these things. it's one thing to be respectful to hosts, it's another to be able to take up a challenge and be a good sport during the show. and it's never a dull moment with them too :<

the fact that their anniversary is next week is genuinely scary omfg but I'm happy knowing how much the fandom has grown and they very much deserve it <3

[restapesta]

I loved your wedding story! I am a sucker for happy husbands! I also am a sucker for Mickey meeting Clayton- fics. (Aside from the emotional impact getting a preview of what his husband will look like in twenty years would probably blow his mind?!)... if you are in the mood for it, I would love to read your take on it. :)

It was eerie.

Ian had only been gone for a minute or two, the seat opposite Mickey empty, the drink his husband excitedly ordered half finished, the space for his legs underneath the plastic, too-clean diner table larger now that there weren't two long limbs trying to catch his in a game of footsies.

There was nothing but air blocking the entrance of the weird ass Eastside diner from his line of sight—another one of those stupid places Ian insisted on checking out because, c'mon Mick, we should try getting out of our comfort zone a little.

Funny how nothing ever was in Mickey's comfort zone, when compared to Ian who was a magnet for social literally fucking anything, and yet, his husband still referred to it as theirs. As if Ian couldn't leave his comfort zone on his own and let Mickey waste away in the Southside where he knew he belonged.

Nope—their.

Their comfort zone, their home, their life.

The thought made a small smile appear on Mickey's face. Just a curve of lips that was muffled and hidden by him raising the glass to his mouth again, pretending he wasn't happy whereas he actually really fucking was.

He'd be even happier if his goddamn husband wasn't taking so long in the fucking bathroom—how long did it take for him to fucking pee?—but was actually here, with Mickey, continuing their argument about ugly and not-ugly wallpapers because Ian finally found something in the house he really fucking wanted.

Something that was completely fucking wrong and that Mickey would not allow in his home. He'd been trying to change Ian's mind all morning, albeit unsuccessfully—he'd eventually shove it out of Ian's realm of possibility one way or another.

The bell jingled lowly—Mickey wouldn't have caught it, probably, had he not been alert for any sounds of footsteps coming his way. Preferably belonging to the only person he had no problem seeing 24/7, the one he should've probably been sick of by now, considering how much time they actually spent together, but really fucking wasn't at all.

And there were footsteps. It didn't matter that Mickey in fact didn't raise his head to check out the new customer that deigned this place worthy of a breakfast—he didn't really give a shit, Ian still wasn't here—but there was still somebody walking over to his table, heavy feet thudding against the polished floor.

Mickey scoffed to himself. People really were too loud sometimes. And what was it with fucking bigfoots existing in real life?

"Mr. Gallagher?"

Mickey whipped his head up at the name. At first, he thought somebody had run into Ian as he was heading over back to the table—fucking finally—but the person who spoke was standing—no, hovering—over Mickey, oddly and fucking weirdly familiar.

"What'd you call me?" He asked, leaning slightly to the side as if to hear better.

This dude, tall as fuck, orange as fuck, wasn't referring to him, right? Mickey blinked once again as the guy's neck reddened slightly, as if embarrassed.

It was too familiar.

"I'm sorry, I uh, I don't think we've ever properly met," The guy said. "I mean, I've heard of you and you've probably heard of me, but, well," The dude rambled on. He cleared his throat once, looking away from Mickey who was simply staring, because what the fuck, before raising his head again and smiling.

He put his hand out. "Clayton Gallagher, good to meet you."

Clayton Gallagher?

That Clayton Gallagher?

Mickey's mouth formed an oh shape as a light bulb lit up over his head. His arms were crossed over his chest, not even considering shaking Frank's brother's hand—fucking larger safety hazard than the pandemic—and he took one long moment to asses the guy he only knew from stories and pass-by mentions.

"So you're Clayton Gallagher," He said, watching carefully as Clayton's hand dropped. Mickey took notice of how paler his face was, the blush disappearing, perhaps from the way that Mickey spoke his name. He continued, "Yeah, I've heard about you."

Clayton fixed the collar of his jacket, and Mickey eyed the long fingers. Shit, they really were similar.

"Yes, well, I've come here with my family, and I recognized you from some of the photos I've seen online—Ian's husband if I'm not mistaken?"

Mickey ran his eyes over him, assessing for even further similarities.

"You're not."

He smiled. "Well, I thought I'd introduce myself. Say hello."

Mickey's eyebrows went up, defenses rising almost immediately. He'd heard about the man before him from here and there, nothing too detailed to create a proper mental picture—he never could've imagined this exactly, anyway—but he knew the gist of it.

And the gist of it was, this asshole was Ian's actual father, and he definitely never came to say hello once he knew for sure Ian was his son.

Oh, and he didn't even come to Frank's funeral, even though Ian had spent a while tracking down his phone number to notify him of the time and place—Mickey had been pretty pissed about that when he saw the dejected look on his husband's face after the phone call.

Would Ian be pissed if Mickey went ahead and beat the asshole up? How long would he sulk at him? Two minutes, three?

Mickey didn't feel like being sulked at by Ian. He'd never admit it but he liked the soft gazes a lot more on Ian than he did the downturn of lips when Mickey got on his nerves.

"Anything else you want?" He asked when Clayton remained in front of his table, waiting for something. Maybe Mickey to say some affirming words about how Clayton was a great person—perhaps he thought Ian married some pish-posh asshole who would try and kiss any ass related to Ian that he could.

Ha-ha. Sure.

"Um, no, I just—how's Ian?"

"What, your phone doesn't work?"

Clayton took a step back, finally reading the room. "Um, it was lovely meeting you—" Mickey cringed at the expression, because, no it fucking wasn't. "—but I think I'll be going back to my family right now."

Mickey nodded, eyeing the diner and the family of redheads seated around a table. Something about the image made him feel a churn in his gut. As if he himself was Ian and was seeing his biological dad and pack of red rats, sitting, eating breakfast at an Eastside diner, having everything he never could have had.

He smiled sharply at Clayton. "Would like to say I give a shit about who you are and what you're gonna do, but I really don't. Better pray you don't ruin my husband's day when he sees you here."

Clayton just nodded, face blanch with something—fear, probably—before he fixed his jacket again and bolted back to where his family sat.

Mickey watched as he left, wondering if he would've ever even met Ian had he lived with Clayton instead of Frank. Would Ian have been the same person as he was today? Probably not.

Weird how Mickey doesn't really think that'd change anything.

If Ian was one of the many biggest pampered assholes that Mickey hated the most in the world, he'd probably be that one exception that Mickey loved.

He felt fingers pinch his cheek lightly, cold and soft. The familiar voice whispered in his ear, "What you smiling about?" He then felt lips against the underside of his ear, before the body completely moved away.

Ian sat back into his seat, lifting up the menu once again. It didn't take five seconds before Mickey's legs were tangled with Ian's again, locked in and unable to be released. Ian did it absentmindedly as he eyed the food options, rambling underneath his breath about the options, hand stretching outwards towards Mickey's.

Mickey smiled as they locked hands.

"No, seriously," Ian said as he looked up. "What the fuck are you smiling about?"

Mickey pinched the skin of his wrist lightly. "Fuck you, asshole." He felt a pinch back, just a light press of Ian's skin against his. "Just thinking of how hot you'll be when you're old."

Ian pretended to choke on his drink. "Why are you thinking of me being old right now? New kink or some shit?"

Mickey bit his tongue—to stop from smiling or gagging, he didn't know—then shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Still hot."

The legs around his tightened and the hand holding his squeezed once.

A fleeting thought passed through Mickey's head, so fast he barely managed to register it.

They went through so much shit and yet, they were still here.

And fuck, there wasn't happier of an ending.

"So, about that wallpaper I wanna get—"

Mickey was going to murder Ian—him and his unartistic mind.

Fucking stupid how he just fucking smiled.

[immortalsins]

i am. stressed.

[nikki152006]

On the Deathbed - Bakugou X Reader

Idea by - @powerhousefan

I'm not really sure whether this was what you were planning so I'm sorry for that...I tried to make it a little more elaborate but I was kind of short on time due to my exams...Still, hope you enjoy ^_^

___________________________________________________________

"So, this is true?" Jirou mumbled out, "Y-You've really got..."

"Yeah." you breathed out. There was a deep silence around the room as all your old classmates, your closest friends stood around you.

"So this is the reason, huh?" Momo sighed out, "This is the reason you didn't do anything when Bakugou broke up with you on your wedding day....because you knew you'd never be able to live with him anyway?"

You shrugged slightly, trying your best to not look back at the male in question, the guy who had been your boyfriend for four years before he suddenly broke up on your wedding day and had married Uraraka just in a few weeks.

You were hurt, terribly hurt, but relieved too, atleast Bakugou wasn't gonna break his heart having his wife die in another few months.

You had got to know about your cancer just a few days before the wedding and hadn't had the heart to tell him. You wanted the wedding to stop, to not happen because you couldn't think of how he'd feel seeing his wife dead not even an year into the wedding.

An year the, but now, it was just a few months. You had managed to keep your little secret all this time but Mina had somehow managed to get to know and had now called everyone over to your house over the same. You knew it broke them to know  you'd be dying so soon but you couldn't help it. There was no cure to what was going on in your brain and you had come to accept it already.

"I-Is there no cure?" Kaminari croaked out. You nodded, confirming the statement once again.

"I know you all are sad," you said softly, "but please, let these last few months go memorable and fun. I...I just don't want to forget you when I go to hell."

"It'll be heaven." Uraraka breathed out, wiping a tear in her eye. You chuckled bitterly. Uraraka was that one hope of yours, that one person who could handle Bakugou once you were dead but you couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of her.

Everyone in the room knew that Bakugou's breaking up with you was a forced decision under some circumstances, Uraraka had made that clear after their wedding but you couldn't ignore the fact that Bakugou had himself chosen to marry her. He had liked her and it made you feel almost jealous alongside the hurt.

"You're being admitted to the hospital next week then?" Jirou mumbled out. You nodded at her.

"I just gotta send all this stuff over to the hospital room I have booked." you told them, hurriedly wiping you tears and getting up, "And the rest of the stuff...I..I think I'll just sell my house and let the people who shift over have it."

"Can we keep it?" Todoroki asked in a small voice. You nodded at him and saw him walk over and pick your favorite pen before carefully wrapping it in a handkerchief and place it in his pocket as a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Alright!" you called out in a faked cheery but still shaky voice, "How about you all just help me shift over my stuff? Then maybe we can go over to watch a movie this week? And the amusement park next weekend when you all are free!?"

"W-Will you be allowed to got out during your hospital stay?"

It was Iida this time but his voice was feather-light and you couldn't help but tear up, but no. You had to stay strong. They all were probably feeling way worse than you were at the moment, they were the ones who were gonna feel the emptiness of losing a loved one, you had to stay strong for them.

"Yeah." you almost croaked, "They'll just be keeping me under observation there so that I don't...pass out when I'm alone.."

There was deep sad silence as everyone visibly tried to hold back their tears, trying to not make the other feel to hurt, trying to be strong for each other. Oh, you just loved your friends.

"Aw. You guys won't help me?" you whined childishly. There were some sniffs before  everyone pulled you into a big group hug. Everyone except the one person who hadn't talked to you since he had got married, since he broke up with you in fact. You couldn't help but be hurt due to the fact that it was Uraraka who had explained the break up in the marriage day and not him. It hurt that he never even tried to contact you after that.

"I-I'll take this all," you said, pointing to some light stuff, "Um..Kirishima, Satou, could you get the light stuff?" The boys agreed quietly and loaded the stuff in the car outside. There was not much of any stuff anyways and so in another hour, you all were already in the hospital.

_____________________________________________________________

"Dumbass eat it." Bakugou said, whacking your head. You whined childishly but agreed to eat the fruits he was feeding you.

Two months had passed already and you hardly had anytime left but you had to accept, you had had some memorable days to remember.

Just a few days after you had got admitted into the hospital, Bakugou had visited you and finally spoken to you. He didn't talk about the marriage though, he just said he wanted to take care of you and it was enough to make your heart melt.

"That's it." you said, rolling over on your bed and continuing the drawing of all of you friends you were making.

"Do you want to go to icy hot's marriage or not?" Bakugou sighed. You looked at him with a childish pout. "I do and you can't stop me."

"You're not going if you're not gonna eat this." he ordered. As much as you wanted to not listen to him and eat (fruit you dislike), you had to got to Todoroki's wedding no matter what, after all, he was marrying Momo early only so that you could be there and enjoy it.

It wasn't just him, Izuku, Iida, and few other of your friends had done the same and you loved it. You loved all of them.

"Hey Katsuki." you said softly, deciding to listen to him and eat the fruit, "Why did't you invite me to your wedding?"

Bakugou didn't reply. How could he? How could he tell he he wouldn't have been able to marry pink cheeks if you were there sitting right in front of him with your beautiful (eye color eyes) and soft (hair color) hair and that pretty smile on your face. How could he tell you it was all just a stupid mistake he had done. Bakugou wanted to fix it all but it was too late and moreover, you were going to go away soon and he knew he wouldn't have been able to bear it.

"Hey, Katsuki." your voice snapped him out, "Where were you lost."

"Eat, dumbass." Bakugou blurted out. Your eyes narrowed at him. "The bowl is empty, Bakugou." you told him. Bakugou's ruby eyes flickered over to the empty bowl he was carrying. Had he already fed you everything?

"Are you okay, Katsuki?" you asked, raising a hand to touch him but he quickly avoided it and turned away to get some more fruits. You sighed sadly. Bakugou had not once let you touch him since he had come back and it hurt, but again, he was a married man now. Little did you know that Bakugou was only trying to not let his emotions fall out by letting you touch him.

"Katsuki, what am I wearing for Shouto's wedding?" you asked him loftily. Bakugou's eyes crinkled hearing his name roll out of your tongue so casually. It almost made him feel jealous.

"The fucking dress I bought you." he gruffed out.

"The crimson one?"

"Yeah." Bakugou huffed out, "That and some jewelry."

"I can't wear that, Bakugou." your voice said, with sadness hidden underneath which was just too easy for him to identify.

"The hell can you not?"

"Bakugou, you do know you're married to Uraraka, right?" you said. Bakugou's lips tightened as what you were trying to say settled into his mind. He had a wife yet he had bought you a dress that matched both, his tux and his eyes. A weird feeling rose into the already sinking heart of his. Why could he not just come to face it, you weren't his wife. Caring for you was okay but how could he act like a husband for you?

He...He could, right? Uraraka had noticed his behavior on several occasions but she didn't question him because she knew it was only until you died that he acted that way around you, the girl he was originally supposed to marry, so it had to be okay, right?

"You're wearing it." Bakugou said bluntly, "Now go off to sleep."

_____________________________________________________________

"Katsuki, are you sure I look okay?" you mumbled out hurriedly as Bakugou got off the car. Bakugou sighed and quietly walked over to where the marriage was supposed to take place.

"You really look wonderful, (Name). Relax." Uraraka chirped from the backseat. You smiled at her softly, the things she did for her friends.

"Just focus on enjoying the wedding." she said, hopping off the car as you got out and then walked over to Bakugou, who was angrily huffing as Todoroki told him to not be angry when he acted as one of the groomsmen. You chuckled and walked over to the rest of the bridesmaids.

Bakugou had just played it smart and asked all of you bridesmaid's dresses to be red so that you could wears yours without any hesitation.

The wedding went well, really well indeed, much more fun than the rest of the two months you had spent. Bakugou even asked you to a dance and you did have a small one, even though you blushed the whole time. You and Bakugou had been together for four years before this but somehow, even though he was married, everything he did just flustered you up.

"Did you have fun?" Bakugou asked once you reached back to the hospital room. You nodded and pulled him into a wide bear-hug. Bakugou's muscles stiffened under you but he hugged you back, he hugged you so tight your teared up.

Bakugou cradled you softly and placed you onto the bed as he climbed onto it beside you. It had been ages since you had slept with him and you'd craved for it, for his warm body against yours. Looks like you were having your wish fulfilled today.

_____________________________________________________________

Everyone stood quietly in the room as you lied on bed, pulling for breath. They had been notified by the doctors that the time to say goodbye had come and you could feel it. Your eyes blurring every few seconds, your lungs aching every time you'd breathe, the weakness across your body, it made you realize soon enough that you had to say goodbye.

You didn't want to die...

But who does.

You wanted to stay with Bakugou...

But Uraraka had let her husband love another woman enough now and you didn't want to hurt her anymore.

You wanted to live longer, live with your friends and enjoy life...

But that could only be a wish. Things had turned out pretty well for the last few months. You had enjoyed yourself and had had enough fun, and now it was time to go.

"Anything you'd like to say before you go, miss (Name)?" the doctor asked you quietly. You let out a small bitter chuckle.

"Go make mama proud, kids." you said with a small grin.

Soon, you'd have to say your last words. What should they be? You wanted to say something that everyone could treasure forever, something heartwarming, something they could remember when they felt lonely.

"I love you." you breathed out, your head turning over to Katsuki, who was sitting next to you, clearly trying his best to hold back his tears. You didn't want to see him die and you could feel the emptiness approaching.

You slowly put your hand on his head, ruffling his hair softly as you pushed it down to lie against the bed.

"I love all of you. Just remember, if you ever need me, I'll be there."

You let out a small sigh and smile at everyone, and then at Katsuki who had turned his head up to look at you.

"Be happy. And remember, I'm not leaving you all alone. I'll be there when you need me, I'll be there in your hearts.."

And there it was. The monotonous long beep, telling that it was over.

Deep silence fell over the room as several tears hit the ground. Bakugou remained in the position you had put him in, his eyes wide as tears flowed out like rain, a deep ache in his heart. He already missed you.

[minouyujis]

a/n: so many have been asking for mafia!gojo content as thou i shall give! i hope you enjoy!

CATER TO U . . . mafia!gojo x reader

exams were no fucking joke as a university student.

everything had to be turned in on time. there was no lazy excuse that could be use for people to survive a late assignment. it was first come, first serve.

this is why there are so many struggling students battling with their caffeine or energy drink addiction at four am, trying their best to get shit turned in by the time it was due. unluckily for you, you were apart of these group of people.

you were so stressed. it was like being on the verge of crying every second, but the feeling of keeping your cool together held your ground as you weren't alone anymore to do that. you had gojo satoru in your life now.

he's such an amazing boyfriend. he took care of you, bought you everything you wished for. the white haired man was loaded with cash and you knew the reason of was no good, but you would save that hassle for him to tell you yourself the next time.

satoru offered you almost every week to quit school, claiming that he'd take care of you and you didn't have to worry your head off. for you to wish for a life like that would be an understatement. as much as his gestures were appreciated, he understood the idea of your independency and respected your wishes.

it's what made him fall in love with you even more.

but even the most hardworking people like you needed a break sometimes.

the right hand corner of your laptop screen read ten p.m. you had been working on a specific assignment for your major on god knows what, because the fact that you couldn't come up with any ideas for this material made your head hurt even more. you've been at it for almost the last eight hours of your day and this was the last thing you needed to get done out of six of the tasks you were given. it should be easy, you scold yourself. i can't believe i'm still stuck on this shit.

this obviously takes away the time with your sweet boyfriend away. you've been so stressed that you had even forgot you were in a relationship in the first place. so when he steps into the shared bedroom you two hold together, it steps you out of a trance once he manages to tuck strands of your hair behind your ear, a frown on his face.

"baby, you've been working at this all day," he'd speak softly, working out the small knots you had in your hair. "i miss you and you're right in front of me, princess."

you finally take this as an opportunity to pause what you were doing for the majority of your day today. it had been literal, it was like you froze in your place as you had simply stopped typing and kept your gaze onto your screen when realization hits you. gojo notices this and his frown deepens even more at your reaction. "are you... crying?"

it takes you a moment to come to terms with the tears rolling down your cheeks, and his heart hurts because he knows you weren't aware of how beaten down you were until he told you so.

finally taking your eyes off of the screen, you allow the water to keep spilling from your eyes, looking up at him doe-eyed. you were so stressed and tired, hearing his voice gave you more comfort than you ever needed right now. gojo lets a small grin plaster onto his face, happy that you've managed to understand that you needed a break after so long, placing both of his large hands around your face and bending just a bit so he could place a quick kiss onto your forehead. "that's my pretty little nerd. take a break for me, yeah? i'll take care of you tonight."

it was hard for you to even give him a response due to how exhausted you were, so mumbling a small yeah was enough for him to text toji that he wouldn't be able to make it to the meeting they had placed at midnight, putting him in charge of the rest of it. "come here baby," he speaks, helping you get out of your seat while he places an arm around your waist, guiding you towards the master bathroom that would always make you question on how lucky you were to shower in something so luxurious. "let me do all the work. you don't have to worry about a thing."

after a few moments of helping you out of your attire, he sits behind you of the tub he had prepared, letting you take a few moments to stare into the mounted mirror that made you able to view what was going on in front of you. you were watching yourself get a hair wash from your boyfriend, who everyone nicknamed as the strongest. you never understood why he went by that, but you knew it wasn't a lie. he was one of those most hardworking people in your life.

making eye contact in the mirror with you, gojo watches as you sit in the tub, big eyes staring at his hands working in the soap for your hair, the tears still threatening to come out of your eyes. taking this as an opportunity, he tilts your head back a bit with both of his slender hands still in your fingers, causing you to look back up into his eyes as he looks down at you. satoru then places another chaste kiss onto your forehead, and then continues on with working through your head.

after the much needed relaxing bath that your body had been calling for, you managed to change into some of the most comfiest pajamas you and satoru had bought together because it was a matching set. "sit down baby," he says, bringing over your skincare bag that he knows oh so very well. "let me do this for you."

this was the opportunity for you to actually stare into his eyes instead of it being through a mirror. you watched as his long fingers worked the moisturizer into the apples of your cheeks, his tongue slightly poked out from concentration and his piercing blue eyes admiring each and every crevice of your face. insecurities build up along with your much obvious stress, and you question yourself, why me? he's slept with many people before you. his history compared to yours out beats, and even despite the relationship status being evident, he still has many women at his feet when he's forced to go to clubs every weekend for specific missions.

by the time of this he'd gotten used to the random bursts of tears that would fall from your eyes. being curious once more as to what it was over this time, he had assumed it was because of the overwhelming stress that still lived inside of you until he heard you finally speak. "do you really love me?"

gojo's movements pause, and his brows crease. a frown is plastered onto his face once you've revealed another sad feeling you've been keeping in. "what kind of question is that silly girl?" he says, now placing his fingers on your chin in a small grip to make you direct your attention on him only. "why are you asking me this?"

"i'm just sad, i'm sorry..." you'd tell him truthfully. you felt pathetic, miserable and the weight on your shoulders was getting heavier by the amount of work you were being given. the frown on his face disappears when he shakes your head a bit with his fingers still on your chin in a teasing manner. placing a wet yet quick kiss onto your lips, he then rubs his thumb onto the soft of your jaw. his smile creeps back up once he sees you become more pouty.

"i love you so much baby," he speaks, placing another peck onto your lips. "so," and then another, "so," another, "so..." and lastly, "so much."

his tactic makes you blush. satoru knew the impact he had on you always made you weak in the knees no matter how long you two have been together. he knew his way with his actions and words, and you couldn't blame anyone for falling in love with your man. he was amazing. you burst into fits of small giggles, him doing the same with his grip still on your chin. finally letting go, you take this as a chance to cuddle up against his chest, laying in his lap while he's still sat on your guys california king-sized bed. "i love you gojo," you mumble into his chest, playing with one of the strings to his hoodie. the said man places a kiss onto your forehead, rubbing the side of your arm. "my smart girl."

the both of your lives were so very different in many ways. but spending your personal me-day's with just the two of you were meant to be, and your shitty studies and his overloaded missions were never going to ruin the moment.

[anomanlyarchives]

Read please!

Dear readers,

I'm so sorry I couldn't update this blog that much lately.

My life has been quite a mess.

I had to study for many exams in the past two months, so I had no time at all, not even to breath. I unironically started studying like four days before each exam session, I stayed up late and lost hours of sleep. Still, I managed to pass them all - and with high grades too, to be fair.

I was about to get graduated next week.

Everything seemed so nice and pleasant, for once.

However, my life is miserable and things took an unexpected turn for the worse, as always.

I have no idea how I got here. I just woke up one day and... I don't know, I was somewhere else, in someone else's body.

Yeah, of course I like body swaps and that kind of shit, but it was always meant to be a joke, a fantasy. I didn't expect it to actually happen, especially to me, especially one week before my graduation.

But... Here I am.

Yes, I'm hot, I know. I was lucky in my misfortune. But that's not the point... After all, there's nothing wrong in having fun with your newly-acquired brawny body. You'd do it too.

The problem is, a random, older-than-me jock is going around inside my body. And, what's worst - while I'll be flexing his pecs and biceps, because I'll keep doing it - he'll fail my final dissertation and make me look bad in front of everyone.

I mean, I'm not saying he's dumb only because he's a burly gym rat, but you have to admit that the odds are not on my side. Plus, I really doubt he'd know what to say even if he were smart.

Oh well, there's not much I can do right now. I hope we'll get back to normal before my graduation.

In the meantime, I'll keep having fun. I need to get distracted. And I also like being a hot, large daddy for once. Everyone looks at me with either envious or lustful eyes, and it makes me feel so good.

Now, excuse me, I'm getting ready for gym. Here a picture for your pleasure. And yes, don't judge me, it feels so good to show off this massive physique.

Masculine men in feminine thongs always turned me on, but it's not something you see every day.

Now I can see one whenever I want.

And I can be one, too.

And jacking off inside this body feels really good, so bye, I'll let you know when things settle down.

Until then, I'm not sure if I'll be able to update my blog that much... But I think you'll forgive me if I show you something more about my new body, won't you?

[mr007pennyworth]

Let's play a game - Headcanon

[v; give me one more night to ruin my life again] - Paintball.

"Okay so I gotta tell this one...it was my fault, after all so, it's late 87' I think when this happened, we were in southern Germany, and both squads, that was about, 70 men, we had to take it in turns to be off-duty, anyway, my lot go first, I got given Lt Colonel around this time too, I was off to join the SAS in about six months-"

" I decided we needed a team-building exercise after a lot of fighting had erupted over the past week because many lads failed the exam to get into Major and were all feeling a bit stressed out about trying it again. So, one afternoon I'm out with Gareth, walking about this farmland and I see a sign, there's a paintball grounds, and there's me thinking, why not, we got the full tactical gear, we could even use the smoke bombs, we just need to make three teams and we're good to go, Gareth said to me, 'no, bad idea, they'll target me like a bull", I'll get to that bit in a second, So, we go back and everyone agrees to play"

"The next morning, we've got three teams, it's uneven for a reason, there's, myself, and three other Lt colonels, making up one team, then the Majors & Captains and below that, all the Lieutenants"

"So, we split off to three corners of the grounds, we got head sets the lot, it was a real show of who can use what they know in a game where none can get killed right? I mean, they learnt a lot about stealth fighting here, I mean, Gareth, god, right so, my team were Green, Major's and Captains were Red and Lieutenants were Yellow"

"Within about, half an hour, I'd shot down, six yellows and two reds, but I was very surprised I'd not seen Gareth...I chose to hunt about a bit, Lt Colonel Matthews and Mcgregor were just hardcore standing on a deck and shooting at whatever moved and shouting insults which helped to be a great distraction, a few more yellows down, I found a place to hide, it was a small cabin, I reloaded and sat waiting to see if I could see Gareth go by, took over an hour, I was bored by this point, I could hear the younger men screaming every time they got hit and god the stuff...I swear I heard someone at some point screaming 'he shot me in the dick'"

"Men had bruises left right and centre, even in full gear..."

"So, I get up thinking I'd just seen his coat, I'm leaning in the window with my gun up trying to spot him again but he's gone, anyway, it's about ten more minutes and I saw him again, I pretty sure he saw me because he dived and I missed...so, I pull back from the window thinking right, I'm going out there and I head for the doorway...like an idiot, I'm not watching my back, way on earth I didn't, I think I was a bit over-excited about trying to get Gareth when I hear a creak..."

"The pain...of being shot EIGHTEEN TIMES...dear lord"

"I looked over my shoulder and there he's climbed in the fucking window and fires, three in my back, two in my arse, one in the leg I turn shocked and he just keep shooting, god, I had bruises on my bruises, I managed to run for it, but he was following all the way back to my side of the barracks. We hadn't made a rule to be out, so you could be shot as many times until you ran out of ammo, or you tapped out, that was an option too, many of them caved early on, in the end, there was about...fifteen out of thirty-four left standing, only one of them, only one of them without a shot mark...and it had to be Gareth. How the hell, he'd done it I don't know...I shot him in the arse in retaliation after I noticed. But, yes, I mean, I won't lie, Gareth got Major two years before he should have, why, because four Lt Colonels got shot in paintball and this plucky young Captain didn't get even one mark on him. He deserved it, he'd finally had the one moment to show off just what he was capable of and he did, I've still not forgiven him for the dimple in my left butt cheek, he shot me straight in the arse with no hesitation...fucking proud of him, he managed to evade thirty-four players in that game, and shoot me...Mcgregor never let me live it down"

@dontcxckitup