#i struggle with that whole run of episodes even though i love them so much

[deathsbestgirl]

what's the one thing mulder & scully go through (together or separately) that absolutely crushes your soul? like there's so much that's really terrible, but what hits *you* hardest?

[ravennaortiz]

The guys reaction to accidently hurting you- Mayans version

Angel- He feels awful. He had been playing around fighting EZ with the pool cues in the clubhouse. Bishop had already warned them to chill but they had disregarded him. Now he was holding you close as you cried and blood ran down your face. Shhing you as you yelled at him for being an idiot and if your nose was broken you would break his. Your threats of shocking the stick up his ass and making him your puppet quieted as he tried to kiss you into silence.

Bishop- "Its a small burn, it barely hurts" you tell him again. He hears you but is too lost in his mind. "Its doesn't matter. I should have been more careful. These things kill" continued Bishop as he frantically tossed all his cigarettes and cigars into the trash. "You hate the smell anyway. I should have stopped years ago" he continued before looking around the clubhouse at all the others smoking as if he hadn't almost caught his wife on fire. "Effective immediately no smoking!" he bellowed as he grabbed the fire extinguisher as you shook your head.

Bottles- He had been trying to impress you. You made him nervous and he had no idea how to tell you he liked you. Which is what led him to trying to show you a magic trick. Unfortunately he had messed up when he saw you smiling at him and he had squirted tequila and lemon directly into your eyes instead of into the cup you were holding. He was barely keeping himself from crying as he watched EZ help you flush your eyes out.

Coco- He had just been trying out a different technique in the bed room. He hadn't meant to make you guys into a sex sent me to the er episode. The nurse and doctor certainly had not won him any points when they said going forward more tongue and less teeth would be best. Glancing over at you on the couch with an ice pack on your lady parts he tried again to apologize. "My bad-" . "Tell it to my clit you almost ripped off" you snapped cutting him off . "Alright then" replied Coco with a shrug before moving to the floor between your legs. "Yo my apologies" he said staring diirectly at your crotch.

Creeper- He's worried you will leave him. The whole time its all he can think about as Angel drives you guys to the hospital. He can't even plead his case, he knows he's guilty. Accident or not. He should not be forgiven for harming his woman. "Guess its safe to say I wont be running away from you anytime soon" you manage to croak out as you try not to look at your swollen and wrongly turned ankle. Creeper frowns as Angel hits a bump in the road jolting you. "Careful" he snaps. Angel scoffs and mutters something only you hear making you laugh. "What was that?" demands Creeper. "I said next time you want to be kinky maybe play were wolf coming through the bedroom window and not the damn woods" replied Angel as he sent Creeper a grin.

EZ- He busies himself. Trying to keep his mind off how your broken hand is his fault. You had been on him about how the trailer needed repairs. The door swung shut to fast and the steps were getting rusty. He had agreed and said he would fix them.... he just never seemed to have time between the club, you and his pops. Now though as you sat in an inflatable pool drinking a margarita with your hand in a bright pink cast he had time.

Gilly- He feels so much shame. You always called him your big teddy bear. Told him how much you loved being wrapped in his arms especially when he gave you surprise hugs from the back. He didn't realize you had a knife. The morning had started off like any other in your household. Your daughter was set at the table eating her cereal as you worked on cutting open a pack of bacon. One minute you were struggling to cut through the packaging as your daughter talked about going to the park and the next you were watching blood pour onto your kitchen floor as your daughter screamed and Gilly yelled.

Guero-He is furious with himself. Honestly if he could he would sprout a second him just to beat the shit out of it. He's snappy as everyone tells him it was an accident and to not be so hard on himself. Even your words can't soothe him. He vows never to play around with you again as the little old lady at the grocery store glares at him. "Its not my first black eye" you state as you toss candy bars into the cart. "Barely felt it, like being punched by a sad cloud" you continue as you watch him roll his eyes. "Yeah that why you were crying so much?" he dead panned making you laugh.

Manny-He's silent and methodical as he checks you over. His eyes and brow furrowed in worry as he notes the flinch as his fingers trace over a sore spot on your back. You whine and his heart feels like you stabbed him. He's about to apologize again but you cut him off with a joke. "You know when I said I wanted you to break my back I meant it as a metaphor for sex not for you to literally break my back". Manny closes his eyes as he chuckles quietly. "Guess I gotta be a Doctor Manny now huh mami?". "Only if you give me an injection" you reply tossing him a glance over your shoulder.

Return to Headcanon Masterlist Page

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Side B

Propaganda below ⬇️

Matt

Matt's faith in the show is really important and well explored; one of the first scenes of the show is Matt going to confession (or, well, talking to his priest since he's not really confessing at that point). Matt struggles a lot with what he's supposed to do; everyone's telling him to kill the villain and he kinda wants to, but he literally says: "I know my soul is damned if I take his life". He struggles with his faith and goes with his doubts to his priest, and it's beautiful—also when he finally gets a costume for his vigilanteing he chooses to dress as the devil, lol. (His priest tells him that nothing makes people run to Church faster than the feeling of having the devil on their heels.)

a lot of the show is about how he justifies his vigilante actions with his faith, and whether he's doing the right thing in trying to help people or just using it as an outlet for his anger. the literal first scene of the show has him in a confession booth talking to his priest (who is a really interesting character too). this is not the scene I was talking about but it's such an excellent scene with matt talking to his priest: https://youtu.be/XHZ3NbEIDdw

canonically catholic but dresses like a demon to be quirky

honestly i dont wanna type too much but i feel that matt is a great example of someone who battles with his faith because he rarely loses his faith but rather fights with why he was made the way he was and put through what he was. He believes himself to have the devil inside him but believes that God put him there

ok in the comics barring the most current run matt has Mostly been a non-practicing Catholic that very rarely actually does any catholic Activities but ends up falling back into the Mindset and very occasionally dramatically taking confession (ex. in that one issue where he takes confession, basically tells the father that he is uniquely terrible and is thinking about violently murdering someone and when the father says "you can be forgiven" hes like "AUGFH-- NO!!!!!!!!!!" and runs out) when he's gone through some shit. and i love that its so relatable

hello its me cct organizer. i have to come clean, i made this tournament because i need matt to win something. i dont think hell win the sadboy and he lost the ginger tournament and >:( hes my favoritest guy ever. Also @ who said he has religious trauma is wrong and i will fight u about it (nicely) on my main @usaigi

This guy so catholic he spends an ungodly amount of time just chilling in the church. And goes there whenever there is a moral conundrum about killing people being Bad even though it would solve a lot of problems and stop said people from killing other people. This happens every other episode. Matt is the Catholic Guilt Guy. There's actually a lot of catholic stuff in the show as a whole. Just a compilation would be like three whole episodes long.

Hes great hes catholic enough to not outrught murder people but not catholic enough to not fuck before marriage hes a bisexual disaster at all times hes besties with a priest might i add hes great hes my special little guy

his catholicism is a huge piece of his characterisation he was raised by nuns in a catholic orphanage, the first scene we ever see him (as an adult and not a flashback) is him going to confession, he is good friend with his priest and has regular debates with him, etc also in s3 he has a huge crisis of faith after he lost A Lot where he stops believing for a while and it's linked to his identity crisis where he actually wants to kill another person (a hard line he previously chose never to cross) and wants to be only daredevil and not matt murdock, when he is both and needs both to exist also when he was a kid his grandmother used to say "watch out for the murdock boys, they've got the devil in them" and it created a surprising lot of his issues

So he's both catholic in the comics and the show but he's More Catholic in the show. Like, raised in a catholic orphanage by nuns (ONE OF WHICH IS HIS *MOTHER*), second scene in the show has him in a confession box kind. Matt Murdock goes out and gets the shit beaten out of him nightly and also beats the shit out of other people and purposefully leaned into devil iconography as his theme. When his nurse friend says, he takes a lot of punishment without one complaint he says "That part's the Catholicism." It is a Core Aspect of his character (at least in the show). He makes me insane. Also the same chemicals that blinded him created the teenage mutant ninja turtles and everyone should know that.

They went to confession to a priest who they had saved as their costumed counterpart and the guy recognized them by the voice, proving that it's possible and everyone else is just dumb

he takes "i wanna fight god" to new and incredibly violent levels, while also being a sweetheart and a goofball

Actually strictly WILL NOT kill criminals. Goes wayyy out of his way to avoid it. Fights with the Punisher about it. Goes to confession booth after nightly vigilante excursions. Feels so much guilt. "How have you been holding up?" "Like a good Caltholic boy" "that bad huh" - actual conversation with his priest

So Daredevil struggles with his mission as a crime fighter because killing criminals goes against his faith. He makes it a point to not kill criminals, believing that even bad people deserve a second chance. This philosophy puts him at odds against The Punisher, who is a relentless killer. As a Catholic myself, while I love the concept of a morally conflicted superhero, I think the worldbuilding around Daredevil is lacking. If he struggles with violence and killing, why doesn't he pray to warrior saints like Saint Michael, Saint Ignatius of Loyola (a former knight), or Saint Joan of Arc? Why isn't there a community of other Catholics he can turn to for guidance, considering New York City has a sizeable population of Catholics? And why are the churches he goes to always empty? Doesn't he know that the Catholic Church supports the just war theory? I think that would have made his burden more bearable.

He goes to church and confesses to punching people and says "imma do it again can i apologize in advance" and the father dude says "no you're meant to stop now" and Matt says "no" and they do this everyday. I'm not remembering it properly but this is a canon interaction i swear

HELLO HI YES I LOVE HIM AND WILL INFOR DUMP ok so. he is a vigalantty and he got named daredevil and he is an orphan and after the age of 12 was raised in an orphanage at a Catholic church and his therapist is his priest via confession abd. also his mother is a nun he has a whole mental breakdown over god and called Job a pussy because he liked god until he got better and liked god again he said "I'm dearedrvil and not even god can stop that now" and he's so cool

matt is a freakish little babygirl who was raised by nuns and definitely has religious trauma. i hate him so much (affectionately)

he’s literally fucking insane about it i don’t know what to say here. he thinks he’s chosen by god to go on some sort of holy quest to save hell’s kitchen. joan of arc ass.

i already know hes in by default j just wanted to give him a personal shout out i love this angsty catholic dweeb

how practicing he is depends on the run, but in my favorite he is quite literally confessing to a member of the last extant order millitant who happens to be a priest at a church in hells kitchen.

i love him for having the funniest version of a trope i usually hate (person gets into confession booth and asks forgiveness not for what they've done, but for what they're about to do). usually this trope just looks silly to me bc like. the priest would just say "i can't do that" and you would have to either awkwardly explain yourself or just Leave. it's funny when matt does it because fr. lantom is probably like "what are you gonna do???" and matt's like "lol. lmao. 😊 hehehe." anyway we love this angry catholic man who dresses up like the devil to beat people up in hell's kitchen

Harrowhark

I'm pretty sure you've already got plenty of submissions for her so I'll just say she was raised in what is basically a cult (technically a nunnery but let's be real) dedicated to keeping the body of the thing that will kill God behind the rock. One of their prayers is actually "I pray the rock is never rolled away". Harrow is extremely devout as penance for her earlier heretical actions in the tomb as a child (spoiler!) so the Catholic guilt really comes through

imagine being a catholic nun and you meet god, but it turns out he’s a twitch streamer from new zealand who became god because everything got a little bit out of hand. and just before you met him you gave yourself a diy grief-fuelled lobotomy with the help of your best frenemy. imagine how insane you’d be. now multiply that insanity by nine. that’s the fictional love of my life right there.

she meets god. she’s not inspired

she’s number one practitioner of space Catholicism. The locked tomb is chock full of Christian (catholic) imagery themes metaphors etc. just look at her she’s got a bone rosary

They're Catholicism with extra bones. Everyone is a nun. They have what is basically a rosary made from knuckle bones. They technically worship the same God as everyone else, but they're waaaay more focused on The Body in the Tomb (Mary) and we get a moment where we find out that while everyone else prays the equivilent of The Lords Prayer, they're doing the equivilent of Hail Mary. And they paint their faces with skulls.

She thinks leaving dry bread in a drawer is taking care of someone. She's in love with a 10,000 year old corpse (the same one they worship). She spent ALL NIGHT digging with her bare hands to make sure a field had bones every 5 feet so she could fight her girlfriend - I mean, greatest enemy. Spoiler territory: She's been puppeting her parents corpses since she was 8 years old. Instead of grieving her dead girlfriend, she gives herself a lobotomy. She makes soup with bone in it so she can use the bone IN THEIR STOMACH to try and kill them.

The author is/was Catholic and the entire series had heavy Catholic overtones. https://www.tor.com/2020/08/19/gideon-the-ninth-young-pope-and-the-new-pope-are-building-a-queer-catholic-speculative-fiction-canon/ A good breakdown of how it's Catholic

[nothomegal]

“Cuddle date”

(Ghostface x GN Reader)

Summary: we all get our blues time to time, and a good cuddle sounds like a fantastic option to mend such awful mood! The man currently clinging to your body definitely thinks so, and you? Not so much...

Warnings: hints to an unhealthy behavoir, obsessive ghosty, non-con touches towards (Y/N).

Word count: 1.5k

Additional info: I'll use Danny Johnson as Ghostface, but not in a DBD context (no trials, entity, etc.)

Fic based on this lil' drawing I made!

—“{Such a shitty week, I swear…”}—

His deep raspy voice grumbled from behind the mask, his grip around (Y/N) tightened as he shifts in place a bit, taking a more comfortable position and nuzzling his masked face against their chest.

—“{It’s all better now, though. Way better.}”— he finished this sentence with a chuckle, which came out way more sinister than it was probably intended.

There were tears forming in (Y/N)‘s eyes again. Their whole body is tense and slightly shivering, their skin feels so hot and cold at the same time under the intruder's warm body and their own cold sweat. Their heartbeat is so loud that it overshadows any additional noises, yet his raspy voice still managed to cut through the loud drums of their panicked heart. They wanted to scream, shout in terror in hopes their roommate hears them, but the duct tape placed on their lips did its job in keeping their mouth shut, only allowing low muffles to come out.

They couldn't even push this stranger off their body, their wrists tightly tied to the bed frame which made their arms stay outstretched over their head, leaving their body even more exposed and unprotected.

The masked man silently sighs as he shifts in place again, tilting his head up a bit.

—"{You're a great listener, dear. Thank you for your time.}"— he says as he suddenly begins to move one of his hands up and down, caressing your body. —"{Usually I restrain myself from waking you up, but today... Ugh, today I just had to rant, you understand that feeling, do you?}"—

The uncalled touches caused (Y/N) to shiver as another muffled noise escaped from them. They wiggle in place, hoping to somehow shake his gloved hand off them but this little struggle seemed to only amuse the intruder judging by another sinister chuckle and the way his grip tightened around them.

—"{Oh love, so shy and unwilling as ever. At any other moment I'd be so fucking pissed with your stubborness... And I actually used to, you used to piss me off so much with your sole existence...}"—

His tone turns significantly more hostile as he speaks, his grip on their hip tightening to at almost painful point, causing (Y/N) to wiggle harder and let out a louder cry when the squeezing became too much. That little noise caused the man to snap out of whatever abnormal episode he was going through, making him quickly realize what he've been doing just seconds ago.

—"{Oh... Sorry, dear.}"— he mutters, his tone apologetic as he gently rubs that spot, as if attempting to soothe the pain. —"{Can get carried away when I think about certain topics...}"—

His gloved hand eventually slides under (Y/N)'s shirt, now running his palm through their bare skin. Judging by the high pitch noises they made they didn't expect or liked that at all. But again, it didn't stop the man from continuing his gentle caresses, action that seemed oddly soothing to him.

—"{It's just, I still don't understand how you managed to do that... You were supposed to be another face in the morning news paper, a simple victim... But here we are.}"—

He pauses, and so does his hand.

—"{You just have no idea how easy it is to end you, on a practical level. But morally...}"—

His fingers dig into their skin as he moves up, his face now being pressed against the crook of (Y/N)'s neck. The sensation of the cold plastic of his mask sending shivers through their entire body, their heart rate quickening, detail that didn't go unnoticed.

—"{So scared...}"— he mutters thoughtfully. —"{It's okay, today you're actually taking my visit way better than other times.}"—

This sentence made (Y/N) freeze in horror, even the shivering paused. Gears began to work inside of their head and place the puzzle pieces together.

They finally realized it.

All these small incidents of their things going missing, the food tasting weird and the unnatural tiredness they've been waking up lately, it all made sense now.

This man, this sick fuck, is the one behind these anomalies... And it seems like he's been doing this for a while.

The mentioned man of course noticed their sudden stillness and probably realizes that (Y/N) is putting the pieces together, but he felt no worry. In fact, he had the audacity to let out an amused laugh.

—"{See you begin to understand... Not bad, detective (L/N).}"—

He slowly slides his hand out of their shirt and moves his body again, climbing up until he's basically on top of (Y/N), now pressing their frozen and helpless form further into the matress with his weight.

—"{Too bad you won't remember anything in the morning.}"— he whispers as he places his hand under your chin, squeezing your face slightly. —"{You never do.}"—

He starts to lean closer as his grip around their face tightens.

—"{Or maybe, you will... Sometimes I wish you do.}"—

He mutters, stopping when his masked face is only inches away from theirs.

—"{Because then you wouldn't be so startled every time I come back... And I will come back. Maybe tomorrow, maybe after tomorrow... Or maybe you'll see me through the day. Who knows, I could be anyone of your friends.}"—

He was close, uncomfortably close. The shivering got worse the more he spoke, his voice so psycotic and cold yet sicky sweet and playful at the exact same time. (Y/N) was so lost and overwhelmed; confusion, fear, desperation, anger... So many feelings swarming their mind at ones that it was nearly impossible for them to keep up and think straight, all they could do is be still and stare into the dark eye sockets of the ghost mask of the intruder...

Ghostface.

(Y/N) heard about him. His crimes are always the very first thing discussed in the radio durning morning, so they're more than aware of how fucked they are.

The more they stare into those fake eyes, the more distorted his face appears to get. They can swear that they've saw an outline of an actual human eye behind the dark fabric of the mask, an eye that appeared even darker than anything they've ever seen.

So dark, so cold... That it almost felt unhuman.

—"{Fuck...}"— he groans under his breath. —"{You just have no idea how fucking cute you are... I wish I could've just...}"—

He leans even closer, his face hovering dangerously close to (Y/N)'s, plastic almost touching their lips.

But the sudden sound of footsteps aproaching made the masked man freeze, his hand giving a rough squeeze as a warning for (Y/N) to remain quiet. But his efforts to keep their little hang out as a secret went down the drain when the door suddenly opened.

—"Yo, dud do you happen to have a spare ibuprofen (Y/N)? Cause man, this hangover is killing m-..."—

(Y/N)'s roommate freezes in the doorway, looking at the scene with wide panicked eyes, which only narrowed even more when she recognized the intruder's outfit.

—"...Holy shit!"— she exclaims as she turns around and bolts off your room. —"Hold on (Y/N)! I'm calling the cops!"—

The masked man merely sighs with annoyance as he shakes his head.

—"And we were having such a great time..."— he mutters, no longer whispering. —"Sorry sweetheart, gotta cut our meeting short."—

He seemed to be about to lean back and away from them. But before doing so, he presses the mouth of his mask against (Y/N)'s cheek, sending small shivers through their body with the sudden sensation of the cold plastic.

Ones completely up and off the bed, the intruder actually takes his time to cover (Y/N)'s form with the blanket again, totally unaffected by the fact that their roommate is aware of him and must be trying to call the authorities. Little does that person know that he already took care of her phone...

—"The adrenaline should wear off soon. Sorry that you have to rest in such uncomfortable position, again. But you understand why I can't do anything about it right now, right?"— he says the last part in a somehow playful one as he runs his gloved hand through your hair. —"See you soon (Y/N), sooner that you think."—

And after these words, the intruder leaves the scene. The weird black ties of his costume trailing behind him as he exits the door before closing it.

And just like he predicted, exhaustion began to slowly fall upon (Y/N), their eyelids felt unnaturally heavy, their body slowly going limp and the soreness in their wrists is fading away as they slowly submerge in this restless sleep. They attempt to struggle one last time, a desperate try to free themselves as they hear faint noises of struggles outside their room, knowing that their roommate won't be able to resist the attack for long.

Unfortunately, their body gives up at some point and refuses to move, their consciousness barely remaining awake.

And just as they're about to fall back into slumber, a small tear slides down their cheek as the same damn sentence resonates inside of their mind again, and again, and again...

"See you soon (Y/N), sooner that you think."

[vvanillavveins]

On the WTNV finale:

Look, i like Brinknor. They helped me fall back in love with Night Vale when i was feeling particularly uninspired. It's hard to put it into words; i have adhd & i struggle to remember big intricate plots unless something reoccurring has really grabbed hold of my attention, and before Brinknor, i was struggling to sink my teeth into anything attention-holding, so to speak. I guess i was becoming less enthusiastic in Night Vale's storyline as time went on, even though i couldn't really work out why. I just couldn't stop tuning out. But, with Brinknor, there came a bunch of shiny new plotpoints- at a faster pace. The show could actually hold my focus properly, and my wtnv fixation was suddenly up & running again.

All this is to say that i know it's just my impatience talking when i say that i wish that the loose ends of those new, interesting plotpoints had been tied up a little more by episode 250. I adore the way they write about Cecil's childhood and his family, and i want Kevin & The Boy's arc to be given the same amount of love, and attention, and time that the Palmer siblings' arc got. The same goes for Tamika. And Carlos. And Lauren, actually. Yes, i know she was a central figure in the last 2 episodes, and i loved that because she's one of my favourite characters. I fucking adore eldritch Mother Lauren. But still, it was all too vague to really learn anything new about her or the desert otherworld. And, above all else, i can't help but think of how wonderful it would've been if Charles and Donovan were included in the finale- especially Donovan.

When Kevin first came back in 2023, one of my silly little hcs as to why he was apparently in the Smiling God's bad books (and why he didn't mention Charles or Donovan) was that because Charles & Donovan aren't from Desert Bluffs they haven't devoted themselves to the Smiling God like the rest of the townsfolk. They wouldn't "smile" properly. One of my darker ideas at the time was the possibility of Kevin having to choose between making them part of his faith, i.e., making them "smile" like the rest of Desert Bluffs (which i doubt he'd go through with after his mudstone abyss arc), or having Charles & Donovan leave town (which i doubt they'd go through with), or, doing neither & keeping quiet about his life with them to avoid drawing attention. If he chose the latter and then got found out, it would make sense that he'd stop being the Smiling God's favourite. Obviously, i never thought any of that was correct- i was just having fun- and i was excited to find out the real story further down the line.

But that didn't happen, and we still don't really have many answers. Everything to do with Kevin, and Lauren, and The Boy got wrapped up in about 10 minutes flat. We've already had an emotional Fatherhood themed episode with Cecil & Abby; we didn't need another one just for the sake of it.

With the context of what we already know about Kevin's father, the ending of episode 250 was just uncomfortable. Sure, Kevin's talked about his father positively before, but that's always been in contrast with the actual content of his memories. It's always been made clear that the script/the writers disagree with Kevin's sunny outlook, and therefore the listeners should too. Those moments are there to demonstrate just how fucked up Kevin really is, and that his positivity is just a coping mechanism. But this time Cecil spoke for him, so we didn't get Kevin's usual sing-song rambling. It was calm, and collected, and matter-of-factly. And this time there were no sugar-coated descriptions of abuse, only genuine praise. We were actually supposed to agree with him this time, and it made the whole speech (and ending) sound hollow and forced.

I really didn't like this episode. It felt rushed. It tried to cover far too much far too quickly, and it failed. But, despite all that, i am hoping that future episodes will bring some sort of clarity about what happened. And hopefully some closure about Kevin and his family, too. I want loose ends to get tied up properly and i believe that maybe, with time, the important ones will be. Slow burning subplots are kinda quintessential to Night Vale's writing at this point anyway. Brinknor definitely missed the mark with this one, but they're still incredibly talented writers and i'm not ready to give up on them like some of the other fans on here.

Besides, i think that some of Night Vale's worst episodes are still incredible pieces of writing in their own right. The bad episodes are only bad in comparison to the dozens upon dozens of absolutely phenomenal episodes that make up the rest of a show that is, for the most part, a joy to listen to. So, here's to some hopefully better episodes in the future, i guess.

[sapphiphilic]

“Not moving on is worse.”

In the context of season two, I struggle to reconcile the intersection of sincerity and comedy, and the idea of what pains and traumas we are meant to understand at the deeper level of what trauma is with those that serve only the purpose of comedic timing. This isn’t limited to one character, but rather to the season as a whole.

Season one highlighted childhood trauma and the ability to move on from that, becoming the best adult version of oneself possible. We see this evident in Ed, Stede, and Jim specifically as we are allowed to explore their pasts and their traumas — and we can presume that no one on the crew of the Revenge is without trauma (Fang’s dog, anyone?) of some kind that they carry with them. Stede handles his traumas and how to process them through running away and avoiding the issue until he no longer can. Ed does something similar, though he is able to craft a facade to use as a shield and a weapon, even if he never delivers a killing blow himself. Jim dedicates their life to revenge.

We witness all of these characters allow the defining characteristic of love to be allowing themselves to be saved and valued for who they are — not for what they can offer.

When season two opens, we as an audience see Ed at, arguably, his worst (I say arguably because we didn’t see Blackbeard in his prime, so… do with that what you will, I suppose). We see how this affects beloved and treasured characters, as well as new characters that we have yet to fall in love with. We see Fang fall apart not once but twice within the first two episodes alone. In episode two, we see Ed — a much beloved and adored character who we know intimately — lash out when confronted for his behavior. He lashes out at his crew and physically mutilates his closest confidant for daring to question him. “But that’s piracy!” And you’re right! But don’t we watch the first episode of season one highlight how much Stede Bonnet wants to change piracy? Isn’t this show supposed to be about found family, and getting better, and finding healing? In which case, we’re watching Ed behave abusively in the wake of his mental struggles as he once again attempts to hide behind the same facade that has protected him in the past. Ed suffers this breakdown in response to not one but two perceived rejections from the two people he would claim to be the most important in his life, and in a classic mental illness fashion, he barricades himself off and settles into the persona that is everything he doesn’t want to be.

His crew fears him. They’ve been kidnapped and essentially held hostage under the man they believe to have murdered their crew — their friends — and are watching him continue to devolve. Enter Izzy Hands and Jim Jimenez. Izzy is well aware of his hand in Ed’s state. “Well, he instigated it!” He did. He wanted back a version of Blackbeard who he saw as safe territory: a necessary evil for the continued survival and safety of the crew, ship, and Ed and Izzy themselves. And then he watched Edward “Only Ever Killed One Person Personally” Teach fulfill the legend he’s always been known as, and watched him become someone who couldn’t care less about life or death or anything in between. Ed surpassed and buried the version of Blackbeard that Izzy wanted to return, and he was force-fed the consequences of this with an unavoidable cruelty. “Well, he deserved what he got! Violence was always on the table, because it’s piracy!” But once again, we’re operating under the assumption that the big themes of this show are healing from trauma and being worthy of being loved even if we’ve done bad things. 

While we’re on that topic, though, let’s explore that. Ed’s childhood trauma comes from his abusive father. He carries the weight of that abuse with him well into adulthood, as well as the weight of what he had to do to survive it. What he had to do to save his mother. This season sees him abusing those around him. Despite this, despite his erratic behavior and the mistreatment of his crew, he is still loved (by crew and fandom both, if I may add). He is still loved by Stede, despite the trail of blood he leaves in his wake. Stede is still longing to find him, despite knowing what he’s done and what he’s now capable of, and this continues to reiterate that idea of you deserve to be loved even when you’ve done wrong.

And then, Stede finds him.

We as an audience witness Ed make the choice to stay alive. We watch the thought process, we see that he chooses to fight for that love that comes alongside being saved. Being wanted. Being seen for who you are and loved because of it. And up to here, I’m on board. I’m excited to see what’s next and how Ed will reconcile for what he’s done and the harm he’s caused at the hands of his mental illness — because the truth is, we harm people when we aren’t adequately being responsible for our mental illness. This is a real-world thing. We lash out when we’re hurt, or when we’re rejected, or when we’re struggling. When we’re suffering, we often can’t see past ourselves to see whether or not we’re also causing others to suffer. This does not make us bad people — and it didn’t make Ed one. And then the “apology” came and went. The only member of the crew Ed really sits and ever has a drawn out conversation with about anything is Fang, and even this is somewhat shallow. Fang absolves him and moves on. We don’t get to see whether or not Ed ponders this conversation long-term or whether or not he battles with himself over how to move on. 

We’re left with a traumatized crew who semi-accepted a half-hearted apology and a beloved character who hasn’t actually been held accountable at all. “But he apologized and wore the bell and fixed that door latch!” Yes, and? He physically mutilated his first mate, instructed him to be killed, traumatized an entire crew — and this all takes a backseat to his relationship with Stede. And what a stunning scene between the two of them in the moonlight, where Ed finds it in him to ask to take things slow. Where he recognizes his needs and vocalizes them. I left this episode feeling so hopeful, because half-baked apology aside, Ed is actively learning to vocalize his thoughts and ask for what he needs when he recognizes in himself that something is going to be harmful to him. We had a kiss, we had Ed asking for help when he needed it, we had a proposal, we had “not moving on is worse,” and even knowing only three episodes remained, I left feeling like we had been so perfectly set up to see how things were only going to keep improving. 

In the first episodes of the season, we see murderous raids and mutilated first mates and two suicide attempts (though I suppose one was more of a mass murder-suicide attempt?) and these are all thrown together. In episode six, Stede deescalates a raid from a bloodbath of his own crew and sends another crew on their way with the lessons and values that he has been pursuing since the first episode of the first season. He then, in a parallel to the French ship of season one, causes a man’s death. This is highlighted as a turning point, something that can’t be ever moved on from. (“There’s no coming back from that.”) But what about the other traumatic events of the season that are treated as jokes? Izzy’s drinking, day in and day out, bottle after bottle after bottle — coping with the reality of his life and the way it’s been altered beyond recognition. The mop he used as a makeshift leg snapping, forcing him to pull himself away from the crew with his own hands. Lucius’s mention of being sexually assaulted and Stede’s look of disgust, the way he literally runs away from the conversation. Lucius never gets to air out his traumas, not really, not with someone who listens and tells him he’s safe and allows him to talk things through. Even Pete gets ill instead of being able to offer support.

I struggle to reconcile what is and isn’t comedy in this season, or what violence is meant to be taken for what it is. The Ed and Izzy breakdowns in episodes one and two sat far too close to my chest for me to look past them into comedy — and the suicidality of both men was glossed over and moved on from so quickly, never explored. Did Izzy’s “I wanna go” in the final episode mean he never moved on? That some part of him was still lying in that room with a gun to his head? You don’t become non-suicidal in a matter of days — is there still something lingering in the back of Ed’s mind? There was never a conversation about it, and there was never anything between the two of them that could allow me comfort in knowing that they had reached some sort of understanding. This season pulled domestic abuse, alcohol abuse, and suicidal tendencies straight from my own traumas and never held anyone accountable for any of them. There was no healing. There was no real talking it through. “Well, it’s not a rom-com, so—” Except it continues to be presented as one. Shortcomings of storylines of characters that seem to have been cast aside or mischaracterized this season aside, I cannot for the life of me reconcile how a show about kindness and moving on and being loved amidst all of your flaws could have a season so wrought with traumas and yet never discuss them. Never explore them in a way that allows me to move on. I love this show and there were so many good things about this season; I love these characters, and yet I feel so disconnected from it for the first time in over a year. Not moving on is worse, sure, but moving on without accountability leaves wounds unable to heal. How do you move on from that?

[pagannatural]

Season 1. Wincest Narrative

The way this story unfolds is so, so beautiful and I lose my mind a little when I think about it as a whole. When it opens, the brothers haven’t spoken in 3 or 4 years even though they've both desperately wanted to, and they both think the other doesn't want them. The first time they see each other after Sam walks out, they struggle in the dark and pin each other to the ground and then run away together.

Season character arcs

Sam begins the season ostensibly satisfied with his life at Stanford, with a career plan and a long-term relationship. Two things have to happen to disrupt that- Dean coming back into his life, and Jessica being killed. Kind of a switcheroo. 

Sam was going to marry his Dean-replacement girlfriend. He was never going to talk about his past even though he still thought about it all the time, still looked up cases and tried to follow along with what was happening in Dean’s life. He was going to box his past up and put it away forever and pretend to fit in because this is the life he chose, and because Dean didn't pick him. And then Dean literally breaks through Sam's careful barriers and all it takes is a gruff “yeah well I don’t want to [do this without you]", and Sam packs his bags. He doesn't even look back when Jessica asks where he’s going. He doesn’t kiss her goodbye. 

The way Dean appears to Sam as this dangerous, rough-around-the-edges, so familiar and so alive and so secret fork in the road is just delicious.

Dean starts the season believing that Sam has rejected and abandoned him. He wants his little brother back so badly, but he truly thinks Sam doesn’t want him. He finally has something to approach Sam with that maybe Sam will care about enough to come back to him- their dad, missing. I haven't seen this episode but I know later in the show Dean says he waited for hours outside before he broke in, agonizing over what Sam would say.

Over the course of the season Dean pursues Sam and shows him that he will protect him, keep him safe, choose him, respect him, and save him. The one thing he won't do is corrupt him, which is what he believes their feelings for each other would do. That's a conflict he'll bring into next season, but Sam decides to love him anyway. Sam tries so hard to hold onto the world outside of Dean but he ends up succumbing. By the end of the season, they’ve accepted that they're the most important things to each other.

John’s role is crucial to Sam and Dean’s relationship

Sam wants to belong and to be his own person. John is the force dictating his life before he leaves, so he has to get away from John. It’s not possible for Sam to grow up without breaking from his dad.

John gives bundled baby Sammy to Dean the night of the fire and that’s pretty much the way their relationships with each other form. John has handed Sam off to Dean. They hold conflicting positions in Sam’s life. 

John is a larger-than-life god-like figure to Dean. He’s distant and he has all the answers and all the power and his word is law, and Dean’s contract with him is to Take Care of Sam. So Dean serves this purpose under John’s rule until they reach a point at which Dean can’t take care of Sam without breaking from John and growing up. That rupture came to a head when Sam left for Stanford and Dean takes his first steps toward replacing John when John goes missing, by going to Sam. Dean makes the first move after years have passed to reconnect, something not even John would do.

Sam and Dean are fighting against getting close again for different reasons

Sam wishes he could have a normal life. A normal life is by necessity also a life distant from Dean. In the first episode, when Dean drops Sam off at Stanford and tells him they made a pretty good team, Sam looks conflicted and chokes out a “yeah” before watching Dean drive away. He knows they make a good team, that’s not the problem. Throughout this season, he is at war with wanting to be with Dean vs wanting to be normal.

From the very first episode and throughout the entire season, it’s obvious that they were very close before Sam left. They make each other angry and they make each other laugh and they communicate just by looking at each other- strategizing and seeking each other’s opinions and assessing each other’s needs in glances. They instantly fold back into each other’s lives, they save each other over and over. They gravitate toward each other and walk in sync and stand in each other’s spaces. There’s this sense that they know one another, not just better than anyone else, but better than anyone could ever possibly know them. It's clear to the viewer that they're matching puzzle pieces.

And I don’t think Sam’s conflict is actually about hunting versus normal at all. Sam rediscovers his love and aptitude for hunting right away. He feels fulfilled, admires Dean, and enjoys himself much of the time. In “It’s a Terrible Life” (s4) he still asks Dean to run away with him and be hunters together in an alternate universe. So his conflict centers on John and Dean. 

At this point Sam thinks Dean sided with John and abandoned him when he stopped hunting. But it’s more than feeling hurt and abandoned by Dean- Sam literally cannot have both Dean and a life. Dean is all-consuming. Sam could get the things he needs from Dean- belonging and respect- if it weren’t for two things: 1, Dean is still unwilling to break from John in a way that matters and 2, the way that they love each other is so abnormal it feels impossible.

Sam is unwilling to put Dean above everything else because it is in fact a dichotomy- Dean is bigger than just a brother, he can’t fit into Sam’s life as just another part of it. Sam knows that. 

Dean’s conflicts mirror Sam’s. Sometimes he resents hunting and wishes his life could’ve been normal. He faces the same dichotomy- once he becomes more independent from John, he can either have a family and home of his own or he can have Sam, and he hates himself partly because what he wants more is Sam. He knows that's not normal and thinks a part of Sam hates him for it. One reason their connection is so fraught with guilt and shame is because it's sexual/psychosexual, which is why I personally tag everything wincest. The way sexual and romantic relationships are so often a blatant point of conflict between them, the way their scenes are often shot like sex scenes, the jealousy and possessiveness, the way they touch each other, the fact that they see each other as desirable. It all points to a love complicated by sex. I have no problem with the idea of them as platonic soulmates, but I honestly think the text supports just straight-up wincest.

And actually they're not soulmates

They're twin flames. The idea that they're soulmates comes in later, but I think it's more precise and also more useful to the narrative to understand them as twin flames.

Twin flames are one soul split into two people, and their purpose is to cause one another to grow and be challenged by their connection. They're halves and also mirrors. That's why their dynamic is so often this push-pull, why their connection is so palpable, why they find each other in every universe and why they know each other so impossibly deeply. Narratively, one is often pursuing the other and they tend to push each other to the deepest depths of highs and lows. They separate, but they always come back to each other.

[1d1195]

Time Extra I

Read Time here

This was one of the first stories I wrote when I came back from my hiatus a couple years ago. I thought about it every day for years when I was really not feeling my best and finally put it on paper. There are, what I think, some pretty intense trigger warnings on the other parts of the series--it's pretty different than my other happy fluffy writing. This is not going to be too sad though--there is a vague mention of the previous parts so read with caution but it won't be anything vivid. It's fluffy stuff based on this ask.

~2.6k words

I hope you like it :)

Everything was completely perfect. After so many years of feeling distraught and lost, Harry thought it was a miracle—no, that she was a miracle—that he could feel so happy, so complete.

Which was why it was terrifying to imagine that he could ruin it all.

Over the two years since they reunited, they didn’t talk much about the actual day once they moved past it. She would hear from her ex-fiancé’s family now and again. She would run into them at the store or something. Most were pretty kind to her overall, but she could feel the contempt in their voices. It didn’t bother her completely—it was just frustrating that she knew they would neverunderstand.

Harry still went to his regularly scheduled therapy appointment. She did as well. They both worked, they both lived together, everything was easy. They danced in the kitchen and watched Niall play his guitar at open mic nights.

Everything was completely perfect. After so many years of feeling distraught and lost, Harry thought it was a miracle—no, that she was a miracle—that he could feel so happy, so complete.

Which was why it was terrifying to imagine that he could ruin it all.

There was a plan. A big to do. He was going to have her family, his family, their friends all in the same place. He was going to tell her how much he loved her and that he never wanted to be away from her ever. The way time had separated them only to bring them back together had to mean something.

Harry was terrified.

Maybe it was just some sort of savior’s complex. She always said he saved her that day. He didn’t see how it was possible. There was no saving he did. He did the drowning, he ruined her day, he made her pass out, he made her scared and feel sick to her stomach.

Sometimes, when Harry was having a bad day, he would think about what her life would be like if he hadn’t called her. He imagined it would be very much the same as it was with him, but she would maybe have a baby to take care of by then. She would make dinner for her husband. There would be a pile of laundry to fold on the sofa and a new episode of her show playing on the TV. It would be normal.

But it was normal in their lives as well.

There were days they argued—nothing major, but the world didn’t end the way Harry thought it would. She slept soundly beside him and reached blindly for him if they separated at night. Her baking skills never ceased to amaze him. On days that he didn’t even realize he was struggling a little more than others, he arrived home to his favorite chocolate chip cookies (the ones that she put walnuts in because she knew Harry loved them) or those fudgy brownies that he could only eat one or he would get a stomachache. But they made him feel whole. Cared for.

She was there.

So of course, when he asked her to marry him it had to be perfect. It had to be special. It needed to be the most perfect moment of her life. The people who loved and adored her needed to be there and see how much Harry adored her. Very few people knew what happened that day. Most only knew that she found Harry again. They fell in love again—or as she liked to point out—they remembered they were in love.

Harry had stayed home unbeknownst to her. The final details of the plan needed to be taken care of and he was nothing if not thorough. As far as she knew, they were having a date night when she got home from work. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing that would set off some kind of alarm or spoil the surprise.

Harry was reading the speech he had on his phone—it had been memorized for over a year. He just needed to get the details in order. When she moved in, it felt so right. Part of him wished he had asked her right then.

You wanted red roses or pink ones? Niall texted.

Both.

Aren’t you a regular Casanova.

Proposing in front of everyone they knew seemed a little crazy now. Harry had left the restaurant after seeing the set-up, the little private table that would keep them out of sight of those waiting for her response. Now it was waiting. Waiting for her to get home, they would get ready, they would drive to the restaurant as boyfriend and girlfriend and hopefully return as an engaged couple.

Harry felt dizzy. If he messed up and it was less than perfect, less than what she deserved, he would lose his mind. She was his angel. Every single day. Each day he saw her and spoke to her. There was nothing, no one, more important than her. For a few moments he sat on the couch, his head tilted toward the ceiling, and he took those deep breaths that his therapist instructed him to take when he was feeling overwhelmed.

He thought about the first time he did them and she looked at him curiously when he turned his attention back to the show they were watching. “Are you alright?” She asked.

He felt embarrassed. “When m’feeling overwhelmed, m’therapist told me how t’breathe—”

She blinked. “Oh,” she interrupted. “Are you feeling overwhelmed about something I can help with?” She asked.

Of course she asked. The kindness that emanated from her was overwhelming in itself. “No, sometimes m’jus’ a little...” he shrugged.

She nodded understandingly. “I get that way too. Can you teach me?” She asked.

“Kitten,” he chuckled with a shake of his head. “M’sure y’know how t’do the deep breathing exercises.”

“Every doctor is different,” she shrugged. “Tell me,” she encouraged.

He knew she was trying to help bond with him over something she didn’t need to. Another way she could help take care of his addled brain. It was so sweet. He talked her through the steps, feeling awkward that he was explaining how to breathe to a professional that did this with her own patients every day.

“It’s supposed t’feel like a balloon is being inflated in your ribs,” he explained the metaphor his own doctor used with him.

“Oh, I like that,” she mumbled adding it to the back of her mind as she followed his instructions. “I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed, baby,” she cooed softly, stroking his hair behind his ear. “Do you want tea or something?”

Harry smiled at the memory, eyes closed, face toward the ceiling. He heard the door open and in walked the angel. Her phone pressed to her ear, while she tilted her head to the side. Once she set her bag down, held the phone in her hand, she shook her head.

But when she made eye contact, she smiled at Harry, mouthing hi, and blowing a kiss with her free hand. Harry thought his heart would explode. “Mom, I just got home, and I’ve had a really long day,” she explained. “Can I call you tomorrow?” She asked. “Great. Love you too, bye.”

She put her phone on the counter and sighed deeply. “Every time I leave this apartment, I’m reminded why I never want to leave,” she grumbled.

Harry chuckled. “Everything okay with your mum?”

She nodded. “Fine, just going on and on about nonsense,” she rolled her eyes. “She’s meeting my sister for dinner and my sister did not offer to drive. It makes me immensely angry.”

“I see,” he frowned. “Where are they going?” He asked, wondering how much of the surprise her mum may have let slip.

“She didn’t say. I don’t care. It’s not like I can go drive her and pick her up myself,” she rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I had a tough day with some tough patients and I’m letting it dip into our date night,” the frustration on her face disappeared at the word date and a smile replaced it. “I’m looking forward to dinner and especially dessert. They have lava cake,” she said knowingly.

Harry already knew that of course. He was sure to tell the hostess that she would want one. “I know, kitten,” he smiled. It pained him to say the next sentence, but he had to. It wasn’t fair to her frustrated. “Y’know... if you’re not feeling well, we could stay in and—”

“Absolutely not,” she shook her head fiercely. “I just need to change and touch up my makeup. I need a nice date night,” she leaned over the couch, kissed him squarely on the mouth and then headed toward the bedroom.

Harry smirked, feeling at ease for a moment and listening to the sound of her hum as she fixed herself up for the night. His heart started pounding as the minutes ticked by. In less than three hours he would have a fiancée.

Or so he hoped.

The thought of her saying no hadn’t really occurred to him. They lived together, they loved each other, it seemed like a natural step in the relationship.

Right?

Suddenly the thoughts of inadequacy rushed through him and stuck to every crevice of his brain. Every thought was plagued with the notion of shortcomings. He wasn’t good enough for her. There were all the thoughts of her being trapped with him for nothing but ruining her original wedding day.

Maybe she didn’t even want to be married again. Maybe reliving the memory of the first time she tried getting married was something she never wanted to experience again. The idea that he would bring it up and make her sad made him nauseous.

“What time is our reservation?” She called.

“Six,” he cleared his throat trying to push the emotion out of his voice and mind, but it was next to impossible.

They would leave in twenty minutes.

She would say yes. Save him embarrassment. Wait to talk with him in private. They wouldn’t get married. She would move out. There wouldn't be a them anymore. Harry would—

“Do you think they’ll have bread?” Her voice was closer, Harry could hear her heels on the floor of the apartment echoing closer to him. “Or should I have a snack?” Her fingers were fiddling with the earring on her left ear then she opened the fridge to look inside, scanning the contents of leftovers, and cheese bites that she kept for emergencies such as the current one. “Are you hungry at all?” Harry’s stomach hurt so much but it wasn’t from hunger. She didn’t look at him to ask the question, focusing on the snacks too much to notice that he had left the couch. “I’m honestly starving—”

“Will you marry me?”

The room seemed to freeze. The moment of time suspended for who knew how long. Slowly, she half-closed the fridge door to get a visual of her boyfriend in front of her. Her dress was unzipped—she intended for Harry to zip her up once she found a suitable snack. Only one earring was in her ear. The bobby pin she had pinched between her teeth muffled her voice just a bit.

Harry was on the floor. Knelt all but two feet away from her, a little velvet box held out to her in his shaky hands, making the sparkling diamond twinkle in the kitchen light. The bobby pin fell from her lips and sounded like a bookshelf had fallen on the floor in contrast to the quietness of the moment.

“Harry,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, closing his eyes tightly to try and will the tears away. “I have this huge thing planned. All our friends and family are going t’be at the restaurant. It was supposed t’be a surprise because y’deserve everyone y’know and love t’be there but m’realizing y’might say no. Y’might—”

“Harry,” she repeated, her voice so gentle, but there was the sound of disapproval evident in just the tone of her voice.

“—not want t’get married. Not after last time. Maybe not t’me. M’sorry. I wanted it t’be perfect,” he whispered. “I had a whole speech planned ‘bout how much I love and adore you. How you’re m’favorite person on this earth and how I feel so completely safe and cared for and I want t’do that for you for the rest of our lives,” he paraphrased the monologue that he had memorized ages ago but suddenly couldn’t remember a word of it. “But you’ve had a long day and m’not going t’make it any easier asking in front of all of them if y’want t’say no. So, I have t’do it now. Will you marry me?” He repeated.

Her lips were parted just slightly. Her eyes shiny and beautiful. God, she never looked so beautiful. “Harry,” her voice was soft.

“If s’a no,” his voice cracked. “M’gonna say you’re sick. That I can’t in good conscience let y’go out when y’don’t feel well.”

“Harry Styles,” she whispered, a shake of her head. “Yes, isn’t an adequate enough word for what I want to say to you,” she promised.

His head snapped up again, he hadn’t realized he wasn’t looking at her while he rambled, terrified to see the rejection on her face. But that wasn’t rejection. Yes, he realized, wasn’t a word that meant rejection.

“You said yes,” he murmured.

“Did you honestly think I would say no?”

It was silent again. Like time suspended once more, he tried to remember if time was necessary to breathe. If there was something he was supposed to do or say. It took him that moment to realize he was memorizing every detail. Every skin cell on her pretty face, the way the air smelled, how the chill from the fridge was giving him goosebumps.

Without noticing it happened, he was standing. Harry’s face was in her neck, his arms around her waist and his nose inhaling her sweet scent. His eyes watered and he swallowed hard as he shook his head against her skin. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, Harry,” she giggled, teary as well. Her arms around him just as tightly and she kissed the side of his head buried in her neck.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed in her embrace, but she didn’t rush him. Eventually he pulled away from her. He grabbed the ring out of its cushion, dropping the little box to the floor beside her bobby pin, and slipped it on her fourth finger. She looked at it briefly. She had seen a diamond on that finger before but looking at this one now, the other one looked terrible in comparison. It wasn’t right.

This was right.

“I have t’take it back,” he whispered.

She smiled and nodded. “I know.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again.”

“Can’t believe you thought I would say no,” she giggled.

He rolled his eyes. “You are so perfect, kitten. M’so in love with you. If something isn’t perfect for you...” he shook his head. “You deserve perfect.”

“I hope you know,” she wiggled her ring finger in front of his eyes. “That means you,” she promised.

This relieved, happy expression crossed his face and he felt so overwhelmed with happiness that he thought he would cry. “How much time do we have before we need t'leave?” He murmured to himself looking at the stove clock.

“Forever,” she shook her head with a smile. Cupped his face and leaned in for his sweet, pink lips. “We have all the time in the world.”

--

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[shallowseeker]

You know what my favorite thing about Sam is? Even though he and Cas butt heads and don't exactly get along, Sam usually takes Cas's side. It's hilarious.

Sam would absolutely stab Cas in the back, and THEN turn around and take his side.

Kind of like [OMITTED]

8x22:

SAM: Dude, go easy on Cas, okay. He's one of the good guys. DEAN: Dude, if anybody else – I mean anybody – pulled that kind of crap, I would stab them in their neck on principle. Why should I give him a free pass? SAM: Because it's Cas.

7x01, fresh off stabbing him in the back BTW:

SAM: Dean, look, I know you think that Cas is gone -- DEAN: It's 'cause he is. SAM: He's not! He's in there somewhere, Dean. I know it. DEAN: No, you don't. SAM: No, I don't. But, look, I was pretty far gone sometimes myself...

///

SAM (praying): Hey, Castiel. Um... Maybe this is pointless. Look... I don't know if any part of you even cares, but, um, I still think you're one of us, deep down. I mean, way, way, way off the reservation, but... Look, we still have till dawn to stop this. Let us help. Please.

On the one hand, it's easier for Sam not to take Cas's betrayal so personally. He saw the betrayal coming, so he wasn't made a fool of. And also, he's not in love with Cas, so that helps him keep the emotional pain at something of a distance. There's not the same kinda tension.

On the other, Sam is a rebellious-coded child who remains vulnerable to authority figures for much of his run, shown with how fanboy he was over the angels to loving having a past-in-common with John Winchester. He loves to see himself IN the father figure, and he loves to make excuses FOR the father figure. It's one of the most delicious things about Sam (and Lucifer, via his own words.

I think Sam is has a tendency to take the father's and the husband's "side," really, even in that one episode with James Marsters 7x05 Shut Up, Dr. Phil.

Which makes me think about how Lucifer is rebellious in terms of behavior, but says he actually always wanted to belong and please his dad:

LUCIFER from 13x13: No. No I always wanted to fit in, please a father I couldn’t please. And now I’m gonna be a father. Probably screw it up like he did.

AND I can't remember of find the episode, but I know Lucifer starts speaking of God different after he has a son on the way, suddenly cutting him a whole lot of slack.

I love Sam and Lucifer's twin struggles. So crunchy!

[snapscube]

hey big fan of your channel and art!! was wondering if for the midnight snap series what kind of sound design you were doing it rlly sounds nice!! (also smth that could be nice with it is maybe a little bit of like tape saturation or something might be able to make the audio sound "warmer" if youre like not already doing something like that already, but you probably know better than me!!) feel free to ignore that, but wanted to say in general its so well done and sounds so good!!! its really cozy and nice!!

hey thank you!!! yeah i'd.... genuinely LOVE to talk about my thinking and approach behind the sound design, i'm actually so happy you asked me this LOL this is the kind of shit i live for.

you might assume that it's just me recording the game audio and talking quietly with my normal stream settings, and that is kinda how it STARTS, but there's actually a bit more i've been doing behind the scenes :) nothing too crazy just yet but a little goes a long way when it comes to sound! i'm hoping to really nail down the soundscape and increase the quality over time and specifically up the soothing vibes by a lot. as well as get a little better about mic etiquette and my style of speech. BUT in terms of what i'm doing in post:

the first piece of the puzzle and definitely one of the most important sauces in the whole mix is the Hard Limiter. it does what you might imagine it does, basically just places a hard barrier and says "any sounds that exceed this volume.... no you don't", sort of like a much more intense compressor. currently i have a Hard Limiter on both my commentary AND the game audio, commentary i have set to peak at around -15 to -12 db, whereas game audio is more around the -23 to -20 range. in my more polished audio from later in the AC episode it's enough difference that one doesn't drown the other out in most cases, but not a wide enough gulf that people are struggling to pay attention to one in particular or have to frequently change volume (preferably they don't have to change it at all!). i took this screenshot of the episode's complete waveform when rendering out the audio-only version of AC part 1 and it was super satisfying cause like.... yeah. this is exactly the kind of waveform read i was going for. just super even and smooth across the board, save for a couple anomalies i'll buff out over time.

the next thing i do to both my own commentary and the game audio is actually just cutting down on harsher, higher frequencies with an EQ and just upping the bassier, warmer tones. i started with something super small in the first couple of episodes, i'm probably gonna go a bit harder on it for future stuff though. i wanna find a balance that doesn't make the game sound unrecognizable or anything but is noticeably easier on the ears and sounds more like a nice rolling wave rather than beep boop pac-man time.

past this i have a couple more things added to the commentary track:

to intensify the previous effect mentioned and cut down on harsh frequencies in my speech, i actually have a dedicated de-esser on my voice as well as my usual warmer EQ. i have the de-esser going pretty hard too, you might hear the difference from my usual stream commentary if you were to listen closely. really just taking those harsh t's and s's in my speech and making them sound more like a nice "shhhh", this one is super important i think

last thing i have to speak on otherwise is actually a plugin i found and bought specifically for this show and ends up being subtle but i think SUUUPER helpful in the long run, and that's this plugin called "spiff". spiff is a plugin by oeksound and i guess it's referred to as like, a transient editor? i'm actually not sure how it works at all on the nitty gritty level BUT the important thing is that they have a very important preset in the software, and that is a preset specifically designed to lessen and/or remove like... mouth sounds. yknow like lip smacks and the like. just kinda the gross smacks and clicks you don't hear as much in normal speech but can come through really intensely on a recording and kinda make ya uncomfortable. it obviously doesn't remove a lot of the more intense stuff, it's not a magic wand in my experience. but listening to the output of what it's removing on its own makes it REALLY clear there's a lot of little things it picks up and just kinda makes speech more soothing to listen to. not something i'm racing to apply to my normal streams, BUT for a sleep aid series where good audio is key????? 100% worth it, i like it a lot.

anyway yeah that's about it for now! a lot of it is pretty simple in and of itself but it's stuff i've been working at and experimenting with since i first started doing tests for the show and it's gonna be real nice to keep honing this stuff in. also cool suggestion with the tape saturation idea, i might look into something like that! once i nail stuff like leveling and frequency tuning for this show, i wanna look into some fancier ways of making the soundscape unique to this show compared to my normal streams so ideas like that are super helpful!

[agentofteamvaliant]

Musicals Aren't Supposed to Have Encores | Luke Dunphy x fem!reader

Based on season 4 episode 14 of Modern Family: "A Slight at the Opera."

Warnings: None? Two eighth-graders kiss a few times... does that need a warning?

Word count: 2,052

Summary: Luke and Y/n step up to new roles in "The Phantom of the Opera" performance their middle school is presenting. Cam doesn't know what to do when the audience calls for an encore at the end of the show.

A.N.: Notes vs notes became a very hard thing to keep track of while writing this. Because I had notes, as in musical notes that you sing or play. And notes, as in theatre notes, directions as to what to do, and ideas of what needs to change. The struggle of being both a music kid and a theatre kid is real.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What do you mean Genevieve is sick?" Cam exclaimed to the girl's mother over the phone, "First our Phantom falls ill, and now our Christine? Does the world think our theater department is filled with actors?... No, of course, I'm sorry. I hope she feels better soon."

Theatre never goes exactly as planned. You're bound to have bumps along the way. Cam was prepared for that. He had backup props and backup lavaliers. What he hadn't prepared for was for both his Phantom and his Christine to get sick.

Having already found and lost hope in having Luke play the Phantom, Cam felt he was running low on ideas and patience. So, he turned to his assistant director/stage manager: Y/n.

"Well, Y/n. What do you think?" Cam asked.

"About which?" she replied, "We've got a couple problems right now."

"Either. Any. All. I don't know," he was obviously at the end of his wits.

"I think that you should show Manny the video you have of Luke so that he can see what you want him to be doing," she offered.

"Alright," Cam agreed, calling Manny over to watch the recording, "And what about Christine? I hate to say it, but Genevieve was the only soprano we had who could--"

"Luke has to do it," Manny cut in, before rushing off to undo the damage he had done.

"Well, that solves that problem," Y/n said cheerfully.

"I doubt any of them even know all the words, let alone the right notes, the right timing..." Cam trailed off, "Luke could you run 'The Phantom of the Opera,' please?"

"The whole show?" Luke asked, surprised.

"No, the song," Cam clarified with an exasperated shake of his head that looked much more like Mitchell's mannerisms than his own.

"Uh, sure, yeah. I don't know my cue without Christine's part, though."

"Y/n, could you sing Christine's parts until I figure out a replacement?" Cam requested turning to her.

"Well, I don't normally... but I guess I could... I do know the words, and the notes, and the timing and blocking... Sure." She replied.

The two walked over to the piano to practice. Y/n hadn't gotten more than four lines in when the whole theater was staring at her. Cam realized that maybe his Christine had been hiding in plain sight just like his Phantom. Her vibrato was perfect. Her voice paired perfectly with Luke's. Y/n and Luke looked up shocked when the entire ensemble came in perfectly on cue to find that Cam was conducting them like a choir. Y/n smiled at Luke, as they turned so the entire cast was rehearsing together. When they got to the part where Christine climbs up in notes, everyone's jaws hung open. Y/n herself was a tad surprised at how cleanly the notes came from her chest. Sure she loved to sing. Sure she had practiced this entire musical what felt like a million times. But to hear it in a theater. To hear how creepy her friend Luke could sound, perfectly portraying the Phantom. To hear the song all around her. It felt unreal. Especially when she got to the E6. She knew that for Genevieve they had lowered it, but she also knew that she could hit it. So, she ditched the note Cam had given the original Christine and chose instead to follow the regular notes of the song.

"Y/n," Cam started once the song was over, "You need to play Christine. Your voice is perfect. You know all the directions I gave. You understand what I'm trying to do with this show. Please, we need you as Christine."

"Okay, okay," she replied quickly.

They were very lucky that the costumes, which had been brought in for different actors, fit Y/n and Luke almost perfectly. Everything after casting Y/n had been rushed chaos. She had called her mom to bring her a pair of white heels since the original shoes didn't fit. But she neglected to tell her mom why she needed the shoes, simply insisting that the show sounded amazing and her family just had to come. Standing backstage, Y/n and Luke were talking while she used safety pins to shorten his cape. They didn't exactly have a replacement stage manager after all and she had offered to continue with both roles.

"You look really pretty," Luke commented as she stood up and handed him his pinned cloak.

"Thank you," she replied, a slight blush creeping onto her cheeks, "you should wear suits more often, you look quite dashing. I'd lose the mask though, your face is too cute to be covered."

Now it was Luke's turn to blush. He knew that Y/n was good at flustering people, of course he did, they had been best friends for years and she was his long-time crush, but he had never found himself on the receiving end of her flattery.

"Hey!" She called out quietly to one of their castmates, "That's not where that prop goes. Go put it on the prop table where it belongs."

"You know we're supposed to kiss, right?" Luke asked when Y/n turned back to him.

"Yes," she answered, "Poor Genevieve and Marcus, do you think that's why they're both sick? They had to kiss so much in rehearsal."

"Oh yeah, poor things, they had to kiss someone over and over again," he said, sarcasm dripping off every word.

"Careful," Y/n chided, "I'll kiss you over and over again."

"Like that's a threat," Luke snarked, before remembering who he was talking to, the confidence leaving him at once, "--I mean, we should probably practice at least once. Just, so we're on the same page. Know what to expect."

"Hmm, probably," she said slowly, before grabbing his hand and pulling him toward her.

Y/n kissed him gently, sweetly. And then it was over, and Luke decided he would do whatever it took to be able to kiss her again.

"Alright," Cam called, all the actors gathering around, "Uh... Luke, Y/n if I could talk to you for a moment after we're done. Alright, everyone, this is going to be great, there's nothing more we can do at this point. I know we've had a few hiccups, but I think we've come out stronger. So, good luck. Just, don't think about the audience. Be loose, speak clearly and enunciate, and have fun. Break a leg!"

When he had dismissed everyone else, Y/n and Luke walked over to Cam.

"Ah, good," he began, "I just want you to know how proud I am of you. And I wanted to make sure you didn't have any questions. Last minute confusions?"

"Nope," Luke said.

"None," Y/n confirmed.

"Good, good. And the kiss, I know we didn't talk about it. You're both alright with it?"

"Yep."

"Yes. We made sure to go over that with each other. We're on the same page. We know what to expect," she clarified, smiling at Cam, before looking at Luke with what he swore was a smirk.

"Wonderful. Then I'll go introduce our show, and we will begin," Cam said before leaving with a flourish.

The show was going perfectly. The audience was already captivated and they were only five songs in. When the iconic opening notes to "The Phantom of the Opera" began to play Y/n could feel people shift in their seats. She felt the pressure to perform the song well but didn't find herself nervous. One glance at Luke told her he felt the same way. Hearing how their voices melded together perfectly, Y/n was filled with giddy happiness. She couldn't have really explained it, but it pushed her further. When she began her climbing notes they were even stronger than they had been earlier.

They had taken an intermission between the two acts, and Y/n was enjoying some lemon honey tea, while a speaker next to her played "Something to Believe In" from Newsies. Luke was sitting in a makeup chair, across from her with his own cup, fidgeting as prosthetics were being applied to his face. In between taking sips of tea, the two were softly singing along to their favorite musical number, causing the poor kid trying to do Luke's makeup to continuously snap at him for moving his head.

"And if I'm gone tomorrow"

"What was ours still will be"

"I have something to believe in"

"Now that I know you believed in me."

Out in the audience, Haley had arrived during intermission and was now entering the theater with everyone else.

"I left the house as soon as I got your text," Haley exclaimed to Alex, "I can't believe Luke is playing the lead!"

Backstage, Cam called quietly: "Curtain's up again in five! You're doing great, y'all!"

Finally, they were reaching the end of the play. Alex was clinging to Haley's arm, practically holding her breath. By that point she had all but forgotten that her brother was playing the Phantom, having become deeply invested in the story. Not until Christine was standing, turning the Phantom to face her, did Haley lean over to Alex to whisper: "Can you believe that's Luke?"

Then, Christine kissed him.

"Oh my gosh," Alex exclaimed lightly to her sister, "They like each other."

"Who?" Haley replayed, "The Phantom and what's-her-name?"

"No, Luke and Y/n."

"Oh, yeah, duh. They have for years."

Then, Christine was kissing him again.

The curtain came down and then raised again, leaving the cast to bow. They led the audience in applause to the sound crew, the lighting crew, the musicians, and then Cam who joined them on stage. The curtain went down again, but the audience's applause didn't die down with it, rather it picked up. A few parents in the audience called for an encore, and soon the entire theater joined in.

"We don't have an encore," Cam quickly whispered to the cast, "Musicals aren't supposed to have encores. But they seem to really want one, does anyone have anything?"

"We do," Luke said, looking at the girl next to him.

"We do?" Y/n questioned, her eyebrows raised.

"Sure, 'Something to Believe In,'" he told her, before turning to Cam, "From Newsies."

"Are you sure?"

"We know the whole thing by heart," Y/n assured him.

Cam walked out in front of the curtain.

"Well, ladies and gentlefolk. You asked for an encore, so an encore you will receive," as Cam spoke, Manny ran to tell the pianist what the encore would be.

Cam continued, "But first, I'd like to thank my terrific cast for getting over humongous hurdles, especially my incredible leads, who only stepped into their roles today, having previously not been a part of the cast, but the crew. And who, just now, pulled an extra song out of their hats, like theatre magicians,"

He looked at the pianist asking, "We're ready?"

The pianist confirmed he was, indeed, ready.

"This is 'Something to Believe In' from Newsies," Cam said with a smile, before walking off stage.

The curtain had risen again, revealing that the mobile set pieces had been removed. There stood Luke and Y/n, the former of which had changed slightly: he had ditched his suit jacket, rolled up his sleeves, messed up his hair, and was standing so the audience could only see the normal side of his face. Their plan was to run the scene from first line to exit, and that's exactly what they did.

Sitting in the audience, Alex and Haley quietly squealed to each other. For years, they had been having monthly movie nights, just Haley, Alex, Luke, and Y/n. And each month, they watched one of four movies. Newsies being one of those movies. They had often joked that Y/n was like Katherine, joining another family. And each time "Something to Believe In" would start, someone would say it must be one of the best love songs ever, and the rest of the kids would agree.

Boy, did the two actors have fun with it. The nudging, the kiss. The playful looks turned to silent flirting. Everything they wanted to do in their own lives, and the song required all of it. When the curtain lowered for the final time, the audience erupted in cheers. Backstage, Cam ran to Y/n and Luke, engulfing them in a hug only a proud director/uncle could give.

I don't own Modern Family or any of its characters/plots. I don't own The Phantom of the Opera or any of its characters/plots/songs. I don't own Newsies or any of its characters/plots/songs.

[onyour-right]

I'm gonna have to rewatch this episode a few times cos 'um, excuse me what the actual fuck????

Cate, Catey, Catherine. We're on a break right now. Like, I just can't with her right. I was with her freeing the kids from the woods & telling the security guy to eat his hand, and her point about Marie (and supes) being a product was true; but the whole 'supremacist' speech and then whatever the fuck she was gonna do to Jordan?? Yeaaaa, I'm feeling some kinda way towards her and it's not good, lol.

Although it could be argued that the real fault lies with the adults who were imprisoning, torturing and running experiments on college students, so...

Also the fact that Cate and Sam were the ones who started the whole massacre and yet they're somehow the new guardians of Godolkin ??? Ty-pi-cal. And the fact that the poc were blamed and imprisoned when they were the ones tryna stop the rampage??? One simply has to laugh because otherwise...

Andre's scenes with his father got me. I'm very interested in where they'll take his storyline; the fact that the more he uses his powers the more he's damaging/killing himself. I wish they would have shown more scenes of him struggling after using his powers though, which would explain why he wasn't as useful as others this season.

Emma and Sam. Sam had a bit too much bass in his throat when he was talking to Emma which I didn't like at all. He knows damn well she's been looking out for him when she didnt have to at all. It's giving ill fated lovers - not that one of them necessarily has to die just that I don't think they'll end up together in the long run.

Marie and Jordan. I'm a ride or die for these two; their scenes together were few but impactful. Jordan not stopping Cate/Sam because wifey shook her head?? Love to see it. Marie giving people heart-attacks and blasting off Cate's arm to protect Jordan??? Fucking delightful. Jordan sitting on Marie's hospital bed and waiting for her to wake up? They're married your honour!!! Also can we talk about Jordan dillydallying while walking over to Marie??? It reminded me so much of Rickon in GoT running in a straight line (but at least he fucking ran 🙄) like Jordan????? At least jog a little no?????? Although the way they looked at each other in that scene was fucking cute though. ALSO, Marie did some Katara level blood-bending y'all, I can't wait for her to grow even more into her powers...

I'm not a 'The Boys' watcher so I don't know who that guy at the end was. Is he a good guy, a bad guy??? Either way he feels like someone very important.

Homelander laser beaming Marie and calling her an animal? He needs to die already, he needs to be tortured nice and slow and then die.

[catholic-character-tournament]

Quarter Finals - Catholic Character Tournament

Propaganda below ⬇️

Matt

Matt's faith in the show is really important and well explored; one of the first scenes of the show is Matt going to confession (or, well, talking to his priest since he's not really confessing at that point). Matt struggles a lot with what he's supposed to do; everyone's telling him to kill the villain and he kinda wants to, but he literally says: "I know my soul is damned if I take his life". He struggles with his faith and goes with his doubts to his priest, and it's beautiful—also when he finally gets a costume for his vigilanteing he chooses to dress as the devil, lol. (His priest tells him that nothing makes people run to Church faster than the feeling of having the devil on their heels.)

a lot of the show is about how he justifies his vigilante actions with his faith, and whether he's doing the right thing in trying to help people or just using it as an outlet for his anger. the literal first scene of the show has him in a confession booth talking to his priest (who is a really interesting character too). this is not the scene I was talking about but it's such an excellent scene with matt talking to his priest: https://youtu.be/XHZ3NbEIDdw

canonically catholic but dresses like a demon to be quirky

honestly i dont wanna type too much but i feel that matt is a great example of someone who battles with his faith because he rarely loses his faith but rather fights with why he was made the way he was and put through what he was. He believes himself to have the devil inside him but believes that God put him there

ok in the comics barring the most current run matt has Mostly been a non-practicing Catholic that very rarely actually does any catholic Activities but ends up falling back into the Mindset and very occasionally dramatically taking confession (ex. in that one issue where he takes confession, basically tells the father that he is uniquely terrible and is thinking about violently murdering someone and when the father says "you can be forgiven" hes like "AUGFH-- NO!!!!!!!!!!" and runs out) when he's gone through some shit. and i love that its so relatable

This guy so catholic he spends an ungodly amount of time just chilling in the church. And goes there whenever there is a moral conundrum about killing people being Bad even though it would solve a lot of problems and stop said people from killing other people. This happens every other episode. Matt is the Catholic Guilt Guy. There's actually a lot of catholic stuff in the show as a whole. Just a compilation would be like three whole episodes long.

Hes great hes catholic enough to not outrught murder people but not catholic enough to not fuck before marriage hes a bisexual disaster at all times hes besties with a priest might i add hes great hes my special little guy

his catholicism is a huge piece of his characterisation he was raised by nuns in a catholic orphanage, the first scene we ever see him (as an adult and not a flashback) is him going to confession, he is good friend with his priest and has regular debates with him, etc also in s3 he has a huge crisis of faith after he lost A Lot where he stops believing for a while and it's linked to his identity crisis where he actually wants to kill another person (a hard line he previously chose never to cross) and wants to be only daredevil and not matt murdock, when he is both and needs both to exist also when he was a kid his grandmother used to say "watch out for the murdock boys, they've got the devil in them" and it created a surprising lot of his issues

So he's both catholic in the comics and the show but he's More Catholic in the show. Like, raised in a catholic orphanage by nuns (ONE OF WHICH IS HIS *MOTHER*), second scene in the show has him in a confession box kind. Matt Murdock goes out and gets the shit beaten out of him nightly and also beats the shit out of other people and purposefully leaned into devil iconography as his theme. When his nurse friend says, he takes a lot of punishment without one complaint he says "That part's the Catholicism." It is a Core Aspect of his character (at least in the show). He makes me insane. Also the same chemicals that blinded him created the teenage mutant ninja turtles and everyone should know that.

They went to confession to a priest who they had saved as their costumed counterpart and the guy recognized them by the voice, proving that it's possible and everyone else is just dumb

he takes "i wanna fight god" to new and incredibly violent levels, while also being a sweetheart and a goofball

Actually strictly WILL NOT kill criminals. Goes wayyy out of his way to avoid it. Fights with the Punisher about it. Goes to confession booth after nightly vigilante excursions. Feels so much guilt. "How have you been holding up?" "Like a good Caltholic boy" "that bad huh" - actual conversation with his priest

So Daredevil struggles with his mission as a crime fighter because killing criminals goes against his faith. He makes it a point to not kill criminals, believing that even bad people deserve a second chance. This philosophy puts him at odds against The Punisher, who is a relentless killer. As a Catholic myself, while I love the concept of a morally conflicted superhero, I think the worldbuilding around Daredevil is lacking. If he struggles with violence and killing, why doesn't he pray to warrior saints like Saint Michael, Saint Ignatius of Loyola (a former knight), or Saint Joan of Arc? Why isn't there a community of other Catholics he can turn to for guidance, considering New York City has a sizeable population of Catholics? And why are the churches he goes to always empty? Doesn't he know that the Catholic Church supports the just war theory? I think that would have made his burden more bearable.

He goes to church and confesses to punching people and says "imma do it again can i apologize in advance" and the father dude says "no you're meant to stop now" and Matt says "no" and they do this everyday. I'm not remembering it properly but this is a canon interaction i swear

HELLO HI YES I LOVE HIM AND WILL INFOR DUMP ok so. he is a vigalantty and he got named daredevil and he is an orphan and after the age of 12 was raised in an orphanage at a Catholic church and his therapist is his priest via confession abd. also his mother is a nun he has a whole mental breakdown over god and called Job a pussy because he liked god until he got better and liked god again he said "I'm dearedrvil and not even god can stop that now" and he's so cool

matt is a freakish little babygirl who was raised by nuns and definitely has religious trauma. i hate him so much (affectionately)

he’s literally fucking insane about it i don’t know what to say here. he thinks he’s chosen by god to go on some sort of holy quest to save hell’s kitchen. joan of arc ass.

i already know hes in by default j just wanted to give him a personal shout out i love this angsty catholic dweeb

how practicing he is depends on the run, but in my favorite he is quite literally confessing to a member of the last extant order millitant who happens to be a priest at a church in hells kitchen.

i love him for having the funniest version of a trope i usually hate (person gets into confession booth and asks forgiveness not for what they've done, but for what they're about to do). usually this trope just looks silly to me bc like. the priest would just say "i can't do that" and you would have to either awkwardly explain yourself or just Leave. it's funny when matt does it because fr. lantom is probably like "what are you gonna do???" and matt's like "lol. lmao. 😊 hehehe." anyway we love this angry catholic man who dresses up like the devil to beat people up in hell's kitchen

I'm sure Harrow is lovely and I respect the space lesbians but listen to me. Listen.

Matt Murdock is the Catholic character of all time, and if you make him lose, I am blowing up this website and everyone in it.

He is Catholic. His mother is a nun. He grew up in a catholic orphanage. Half the episodes in the show include him going to confession. When he needs therapy, he talks to his priest. He dresses up as a devil partly because of the Catholicism.

One time he got godly powers on loan from Heimdall (see below), and he did a lot of good with it, and then the second it was over he just... well. Also see below!

This man's every coping mechanism is Catholicism.

Please vote for Matt in the @catholic-character-tournament because he's the best and most realistic representation of what it means to be Catholic. Someone who's been punched and bet and crushed by life but still gets up every day to try. No, he's not a nun like his competition but he's not less devoted because of that. Not everyone is called to service. In the day he works at a defense lawyer to help people. Not for the money but to help people not get screwed over by the law. And at night, he dons a mask and beats up assholes when the law fails them. Is he perfect? No, that's the point. Matt is a broken man who is just trying his best to do well and live like Jesus.

He fully embodies the Catholic doctrine of faith and good works. He has faith in what he's doing even if others challenge him. He believes in forgiveness and repenting even when going up against "the devil."

"The people you murder deserve another chance." ... "No, Frank. To try again, Frank. To try. And if you don't get that, there's something broken in you you can't fix, and you really are a nutjob." "You think God made you a one-man firing squad. But you're wrong. There is goodness in people, even in you. And you're gonna have to kill me, 'cause I'm never gonna stop coming for you, until I take you down."

Daredevil Season 2 Episode 3

He (tries) to love his enemy. He believes in Elektra and Frank and maybe Dex and their ability to change. To be good. And when he can't, Matt refuses to compromise on his morals. While not quite "turning his cheek" he never scoops to their level. Because they don't get to destroy who he is.

Daredevil Season 3 Episode 13

All he does is for the love he has to his neighbors, his community. He loves New York. Not for self-fulfilling needs or for the money or for the fame. He does it because he believes in justice. Because the law was created by humans and is inherently sinful.

"But his competition met God and was disappointed and blah blah"

Daredevil is more grounded (at least the show, maybe less the comics). So now, Matt doesn't met God. But he sure gets mad at him. All of season 3 he angry at God for all the trauma he expired.

"You see, that was me, Sister. I suffered willingly. I gave my, uh... sweat and blood and skin without complaint. Because I too believed I was God's soldier. ( chuckles ) Well, not anymore. I am what I do in the dark now. I bleed only for myself. ( scoffs )" ... "You might hate God right now, but the feeling is not mutual." "No, I don't hate him. I've just seen his true face, is all."

Season 3 episode 1

As a Catholic I don't really want to fight God in a parking lot. Well I do but not in the same way that I've understood (primarily Jewish people but probably other Abrahamic religions) want to fight God in a Denny's parking lot. I want to yell and scream and cry at God and for the feeling to not be mutual. For Him to never stop loving me. As long as I have faith, He will reach out his hand.

Homura

she is a catholic lesbian whose girlfriend became god. she has been through so much.

shes such a lesbian for amdoke

Catholic guilt literally turned her into a demon

she literally watches everyone she knows die over and over and over again just so she can save madoka, the one girl who showed kindness towards her. when madoka ends up basically becoming god in order to stop the cycle of death and violence, homura RIPS AWAY THE HUMAN PART OF HER SOUL so that she can create a world where she and Madoka and their friends can live happily, effectively becoming the devil to madoka’s god

She has so much religious symbolism when it comes to her relationship to Madoka. Madoka is God and Homura becomes Lucifer so that she can save Madoka and give her happiness. She literally rips God from heaven and rewrites reality though. The way she sees her self and shapes reality is through the lense of Catholicism.

most fucked up little catholic girl. we love that for her.

Okay homuras entire fuckin arc is stemmed from the fact she is Catholic. Look at her trying to save Madoka over and over again and suffering for it because she thinks if she suffers enough and works hard enough Madoka will stay. Normal people do not go into time loops willingly. Catholics will.

[bengiyo]

My Love Mix-Up TH Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

Last week, our little quartet got together to study at Kongthap’s house. Atom struggled with his crush, which Kongthap is starting to reciprocate in his own way. Both leads revealed dad trauma. We left at Half dragging Atom to the roof to clear up the misunderstanding with Kongthap.

Time to see how Atom deals with his crush when he has to restart and say it himself and not ride the de facto presumption that the crush exists.

Oh, we’ve reached the trash can scene. Thoughts below.

Solid execution on the slap scene. At least Mudmee is saying important things to Half.

AUNGPAO SPOTTED.

I’m glad Half is finally getting up to speed with what’s going on.

Kinda fucked up that a student applied himself and now they’re accusing him of cheating. That’ll kill his motivation.

So much for getting space to get over Kongthap. This is new.

How did he lose the coins that fast? RIP to the BL Juice.

Gemini’s skin looks great this week.

Good job, Half.

I gotta learn more Thai, because I always can hear some of the puns but I don’t know what they mean.

Half and Mudmee are cute.

Lot of mixed-bag basketball in BL this week.

Not really enjoying this love rival plotline with Clair.

Wait, why did they make the basketball team good in this version?

Interesting. They did a J-BL track star run. It’s also timed around the fear that he might lose his chance.

Let’s get the relationship chart out for this confusion here. I wanna see Clair hit on Khao-pan now.

I’m glad we’re keeping the thread of Kongthap figuring out what attraction even means to him.

Welcome back, The Heart Knows.

Spartan camp next week!

Kieta Hatsukoi Comparison: I didn’t really like them moving the scene where they clear things up to this week, because it means we lost the impact of returning to it and having the boys trying to return to just goofing off as friends before the trash scene. I think we lose a little bit more of how close Aida and Aoki were to each other as a result. I also think we missed the chance to see Atom and Half returning to their friendship in a quick shot later. Perhaps it’s the Thai BL penchant to depict everything in chronological order unless we need an extended flashback to justify something later.

Speaking of the trash scene, Aoki climbing into the bag is in the source material…so once again that’s a deviation that I think loses impact, as well as the Hashimoto rejection. The slap scene mostly worked, though!

It sucks that we didn’t use a playground for the earlier scene, because it’s kind of amusing that Aida later comes to find Aoki in the playground. I also missed the deerstalker hat.

Another weird change: Aoki’s teacher didn’t accuse him of cheating. Aoki just thought that’s what was happening, and acknowledges that he misunderstood the teacher.

Finally, I’m not that keen on introducing a whole new character to crush on another minor character for the sake of creating a double mix-up. Felt like it was added for time. I’d have rather we continued to work on Half becoming a member of Aoki’s team and setting up for the camping trip in the next episode. Half should have been the one to rebuild Aoki's spirits so he can try again next week. Instead, we got a preemptive J-BL track star run.

[certifiedlavendarmenace]

A lengthy post on why Lada's parents suck

Disclaimer: I hate them both equally the dad does not get off easier

The Father: On that note let me start with the dad because he truly does not get enough flack. A wise man once said "I'm biggest hater I hate the way that you walk, the way that you talk" and that's how I feel about the father.

I've seen him be praised for the grand act of not being a homophobe in 2024 and I didn't mind because his wife is a menace and his only crime was being passive and "clueless". However I still didn't like him, sure he loved Lada and supported her decision regardless of what she did but that is quite literally the bare minimum for any parent and the fact that other queer people have parents that struggle to trip over that mark does not make him exceptional in any way. Beyond that he only advocated for her in private and when he did it was half hearted. He was far more concerned with keeping the peace with his wife then he was with defending his daughter. Which was fine when we assumed Lada didn't know either of her parents knew she was queer.

Then you could argue that he was waiting for Lada to come to him and he couldn't possibly know what the mom did. However this new episode shows that Lada knew that her mom knew about her being queer so one would think a father who is a #ally would tell his lesbian daughter that her mom is actually secretly homophobic and maybe she should be mindful of that.

What makes him worse is the fact that he knew the mom orchestrated the breakup and he sat there and watched his daughter who he 'supports' suffer for years. He didn't even bother confronting the wife he just sat on that information, comfortable to let his only child wallow in misery until her mother forced her to marry a man. Never once did he think 'hey maybe I should tell my daughter the life altering breakup she's barely surviving was orchestrated by my evil wife and she should probably get back with the love of the life since I again am a #ally'

I will die hating that man. He's so complacent he might as well not be there. He's like a cartoon angel on the mom's shoulder that gets batted away every few minutes. If that's allyship and supportive parenting then he can keep it because obviously it makes no difference. Passive parents are just as bad as their evil/abuse partners. He was not cursed with the witch he chose her and he's sticking beside her.

The Witch: Now lets get to the she devil. My feeling for her transcends hatred . I haven't wished this much misery on a character since the old bat from Gap. She is so caught up with her idea of what Lada's life should look like she's willing sacrifice her own daughter. She wants Lada to be a hallow doll, a human sized trophy whose only goal is to please her and whose only purpose is to be paraded around so that anyone who might be looking can see what a great mom she is because her doll is so accomplished.

She caused her daughter to go through an unimaginable amount of pain and even when she saw her at her lowest she didn't feel a shred of regret because to her the love between women is just fundamentally inferior for no other reason besides the fact that 'it just is'. She even had the audacity to twist the knife and paint herself as some beacon Lada could cling to because she would always be there and she 'loved' her so much.

I don't believe that woman knows what parental love is. That whole scene with the husband where she basically blames Earn for her choices she also talks about Lada but she never really talks about her. Instead she talks about what she did, how she molded her and how perfect Lada was as a result even though Lada told her none of that made her happy.

Then the show had the temerity to pull the sick card just like in Gap and just like in Gap Lada goes running back and now Earnlada is in jeopardy again. Just once I want these writers to kill the homophobe. She wont be missed and it saves me the pain of watching them forgive and forget simply because she's sick. Why is it always forgive and forget? For some relationships it works but there has to be a line where things become irreparable. Where even if the characters do forgive they can heal privately, free from the people that hurt them. Not everyone has to hold hands and kumbaya sometimes we can say fuck the homophobes and leave it there.

In conclusion, Lada deserved better. Earn should have snitched. I will never like the father and I will be praying on the mothers' death.

[unfriendlyamazon]

i watched a bunch of videos on how bad the netflix adaption of atla is and anyway here's my ygo atla au thoughts

i guess yugi making the avatar is the easiest solution he is extremely aang-like (aang's kuzon speech and saying to zuko "do you think we could've been friends" is a stand out moment) and actually you know what his play tactics of evade and weave work well with aang's airbending (i was going to point to a specific fight with zuko but actually i'm watching the first episode it's every fight with zuko) so okay airbender it is

(i also like the idea of maybe pulling in some season 0 ideas of this alternate side of him that takes revenge and it's possible maybe he finds relief in his avatar state maybe he's so used to being powerless that feeling that powerful feels good and it scares him)

anzu is also a really good katara stand in ("DON'T YELL AT HIM") ultimate he asked for no pickles energy i actually think she'd do better as an airbender it would match her fairy deck and i think it'd be cute for yugi and anzu to grow up together in the air temple maybe he took her with her when he ran away it kinda muddies the whole "last airbender" thing and i like the idea of the yugi gaang representing all four elements so i'll stick with waterbender for her

honda is easy he's an earthbender look at him i do like regular guy honda and generally try to keep him un-magical in magical settings but that boy is an earthbender signed up with the earth kingdom army to fight firebenders and probably has a good reason for leaving and joining up with the gaang

katsuya firebender we all saw it coming i think it might be interesting to make him "mixed" and that also lets me do other things with serenity so maybe he's from an occupied earth kingdom town he definitely struggles to control his firebending he just gets too excited and isn't patient (much like aang when he learns firebending) and much like his arc in the show he gets stronger and more in control

seto kaiba is a zuko-esque figure to me, motivated by all the wrong things, pushing him to take extreme and harmful actions, even though deep down he is a good person, but actually you know who i love not giving magical powers to in a magical world? seto kaiba babyyyyyyy he has to scrap and create and bring himself up in a world where people have inherent magic abilities and that's just so him isn't it? i think it's possible he's a non-bender from another nation (i'm thinking earth kingdom? put your own thoughts in the replies) much like the mechanist from the northern air temple he was pulled and adopted by gozaburo for his technological mind and to create war machines, giving a position but no power, but seto kaiba is anti-war so he bounces the fuck out of there i guess that makes him not a villain and just like part of the gaang? maybe? idk i don't actually have like A Plot for this

yugi being the avatar sets up yami/atem as a roku mentor figure which i actually like

mai is just jun that's the character

make ryou a spirit i don't know which just do it

duke in a fire nation circus non-bender probably also an assassin sent to kill yugi it's okay tho they become friends

uuuuuh who else there's like 12 whole characters in yugioh i don't see any characters as a stand in for ozai except maybe alexander from capsule monsters??? is that a weird pull??? yeah i watched capsule monsters and not the final season of the show fight me nerds

pegasus.... definitely a sell out to the fire nation i don't know if i want him to be fire nation i kinda like the idea of him being like i see the way the wind blows maybe it's his quest to find the avatar and track down yugi that would put him in a better antagonistic role and have a reason for them to keep running into him

mokuba earth bending prodigy probably why seto had to get him out of there i guess that makes him the toph of this au??? unclear will reexamine

zigfried fire nation shill has a beach episode with seto who spends the whole time trying to drown him in the ocean

uuuuh got nothing for the ishtars sorry feel free to reply