#i swear i both am and am not as depressed as this post is making me sound

[jasntodds]

Penance [2]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 8,134

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, a little bit of angst, some fluff, mentions of death, mentions of injuries, some canon violence

Summary: ❝Thesus: Stop. Give me your hand. I am your friend. Herakles: I fear to stain your clothes with blood. Thesus: Stain them. I don’t care.❞

It’s been a month and a half since Crane’s reign of terror was stopped, leaving Gotham to finally return to normal. But, what is normal? After everything Jason and you have been through, it seems normal might be some unobtainable dream state. But that’s not going to stop either of you from trying and maybe, you’ll get lucky in the end. At the end of it, the two of you have suffered enough, right?

Right?

A/N: I hope you guys like this chapter!! It's just the beginning of what's to come!! lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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By the time the next day rolls around, Jason still doesn’t know Dick has asked you to help out. He thinks it’s just him which does have him wondering why Dick didn't ask you. It seems a bit odd given your whole friendship with Tim anyway but he chalks it up to maybe you being busy. Molly mentioned you were working on a case that kept you pretty busy. Maybe you've just been preoccupied with that to actually help. Jason isn’t sure and he isn’t entirely sure why it matters. It doesn’t. It shouldn't.

Jason gets ready to go find Tim. Dick sent him the time Tim should be arriving in Gotham with the specific instructions Dick gave Tim. Jason thinks about how if only Tim knew how lucky he was that Jason is going to be there. Tim has almost no training at all and Dick has basically thrown him to the wolves, or so Tim will think. And Jason can’t help but even feel a little excited over this whole thing. The last time he saw Tim, he was lying on the ground dying. Because of him. This is how he can start to repay Tim for the damage he caused him and his family. It is the least he could possibly do. Tim might not like him after, but he will be prepared and he will be a good Robin. Jason will make sure of it.

Jason heads out to find Tim, daunting his Red Hood gear and helmet. The drive isn’t too far from his safe house but it is raining tonight, on and off. Yesterday was nice, warm and no rain. It’s a bit of a depressing contrast between the two days. The street lights reflect off the wet pavement and Jason isn’t entirely sure what he’s going to do when he gets there. All he knows is Tim will probably need help and he’ll just take it from there. It’s not exactly how he wants to approach any situation but he’s not sure what Tim will even be doing.

Jason pulls up to a building across the street from an alley where some, surely, illegal deal of sorts is going down. Apparently, Tim is supposed to be here eventually so Jason parks the bike in the dark of his alley before he uses a grappling hook to get to the roof of the building just so he can see better. And then he waits.

Meanwhile, you’ve made your place on the roof overlooking the alley with the van, knowing this is where Tim will be. And you can’t help but feel excited to see him. You miss him a lot even if it is a little hard to be happy it’s under the circumstances of Robin. There’s also the bit of dread and excitement over seeing Jason, working with Jason.

Seeing him means there’s going to have to be some sort of conversation over the two of you being unable to pick up a phone and call each other. There’s going to be some sort of conversation about everything that happened. It’s going to bring back all of the pain all over again. Will you even be able to pick up where you left off? Or will you fall into an awkward dance where you both just fumble over each other until Tim leaves? Or will it be worse? But, seeing him, being around him, always felt the most like home and you really hope he’s okay and happy. You’re excited just to see how he’s doing.

You’re laying on your stomach to take cover while you watch over the ledge but your fingers tap wildly against the pavement at the thought. It’s the hope this goes okay, that he doesn’t hate you. That Tim is happy to see you both. That Tim doesn’t get killed in the first five minutes of being Robin. Excitement, dread, and anxiety flood your system. Why did you agree to this?

Commotion starts from below you and you see Tim on the top of a car while the goons are loading their van. Even in the low light, you can tell the suit is a little different than Jason’s and Dick’s. The cape definitely is with its jagged edges and it’s longer. It fits him actually. You stand on the edge of the roof, grappling hook in hand and knife in the other, ready to slide down the second things get out of hand. 

Tim handles himself okay at first but then they outnumber him and they’re faster than he is and better. You know Tim has had a few training sessions but by the looks of it, they could not have been very long or helpful. Things start looking pretty bad for him so you use the grappling hook to lower yourself down but before your feet even hit solid ground, shots ring through the alley, taking out one of the men and then the other. Just as your feet hit the ground, you nail the last one with a knife, turning to face down the alley with your arms crossed. And there he is, walking confidently with a gun in hand.

Of course, he beat you to it.

Jason’s eyes widen behind his helmet. He did not expect to see you tonight. Kind of like last night, seeing you throws him off. It’s a bit jarring somehow. Gotham might be a big city but you travel in the same circles, it was bound to happen. Just…two nights in a row seems…odd.

“I had that covered.” You state through your mask.

Jason can taste his heartbeat in his throat as he keeps closing the distance between you. Your mask always muffled your voice a little but it’s still his favorite sound. He can feel his cheeks burning and a smile desperate to cross his lips. Jason bites it back, trying to keep his composure.

“Where the fuck did you even come from?” Jason quips back.

He is eternally grateful for the helmet. You wre always best at reading him. You could read every expression that ever washed over his face no matter how subtle it was. It was as if you could read each other's minds half the time and he is so glad you can't see him. His eyes are scanning you over, noticing nothing too new in the suit. It still fits you just as it always did, perfectly fitted in the all right places. His eyes go back up to your face, the hood is pulled onto your head. He catches the yellowing around one of your eyes and he almost asks what happened before he swallows it down. It's not entirely his place to ask at the moment but he thinks you're still just as beautiful today as you were the first time he saw you and the last time he saw you.

You point to the roof. “Clearly. And you?” You question, keeping your voice flat and curious, trying to conceal your own nerves.

Jason points a thumb over his shoulder. “Clearly.” He echoes as he stands next to you.

It all clicks then, this was definitely a setup by Dick. Of all fucking people, Dick Grayson is doing this shit? Jason swears up and down this is getting ridiculous. Bruce, Molly, Gar, Dick? They are all trying to get you two to communicate and…maybe they have a point even if Jason never wants to admit it. Not when two of those people are Bruce and Dick. But, he can’t focus on that or how this is sending his head into a tailspin.

He needs to help Tim which means he can’t let his feelings for you get in the way even if ignoring them is one of the hardest things he’s ever done. He has to act normal and like being next to you doesn’t make him want to explode. He needs to keep his cool, keep the smile from ripping apart his lips because even if this is a setup and he should be mad, he misses you so fucking much it physically pains him. He can’t find himself to be mad because you’ll never abandon Tim so even if you don’t speak to Jason while you help him, at least he gets to see you as you. Like old times even if it doesn’t last and for that, Jason is happy.

Jason reaches behind his head, releasing the helmet before he takes it off and you swear you swallowed your heart. He looks so good. “Who the fuck are you supposed to be?” Jason calls, eyes locked on Tim and you think you’ve melted at the sound of his voice.

His voice is somehow better than you remember it. A little calloused, a little rough, but not too deep. It always fit him so well and you’ve never been so thankful to have a mask that covers the lower half of your mouth because your lips are curling into the most uncontrollable smile. Every piece of reservation you had about seeing him completely flies out of the window.

Jason Todd has always had his type of gravitation pull like a planet lost in the universe and you’ve just been sucked right back into it.

You miss him so fucking much.

Tim looks down to his chest, right at the R symbol before he looks back to Jason. “I’m Robin.” Tim states as if Jason should have known.

The subtle hint of a smile comes over Jason’s lips seeing someone else in the Robin suit. It’s weird because it almost feels…hurtful. It hurts a little seeing someone else in a position where he was, not in a jealous way but in a way that he is reminded that was him. He was Robin and he fucked up and now he’s not. It hurts in the way he’s reminded of it being ripped away from his bloody hands. The suit is different, Jason clocks almost every difference in the first few seconds but it is similar. Jason was beaten to death in something similar with the same mantle. There’s almost this part of him that even worries about it. Robin didn’t work for Dick. He didn’t die as Robin but it didn’t work for him. Jason was killed. Where’s that going to leave Tim?

On the other hand though, there is something about someone else taking up Robin that feels good. Jason died but Robin didn’t. Robin never had to die with Jason and he shouldn’t. The people need a Robin and he doesn’t really know Tim but you do and Gar does. He trusts you both and Tim looks thrilled to be here. It’s a mix but there is something kind of nice seeing the resurrection of Robin.

“Hey.” You chime as you walk closer to him.

Tim’s smile splits his face. “Hey, how’d you know I’d be here?”

“Molly tracked you the second a Robin showed up. Knew it was you.” You laugh softly before you pull him into a gentle hug. “You should have told me.” You say as you pull away, your hands coming to his shoulders as you look over the suit, noticing all the difference between this one and Jason’s.

“Yeah, I thought I could handle this.” Tim chuckles sheepishly, realizing he was a little in over his head tonight but not lacking in any of his confidence to do this job. 

“Clearly, you were wrong.” Jason closes the distance between you. “You’re lucky we showed up when we did.” Jason stands right beside you as you drop your hands from his shoulders, maybe you looking over the suit makes Jason want to chew his tongue out of his mouth.

“Yeah, I got that.” Tim nods his head. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” The smile reaches your eyes as you beam back at Tim.

Jason’s eyes narrow at you slightly. You seem awfully happy. He knows Tim is your friend but you just seem overly happy or maybe he’s in his own head about it. He just remembers that day picking you up from Titans Tower and it was…similar. It’s like he’s getting stabbed in the chest and the base of his throat knowing you were not happy to see him tonight. The very thought of your feelings disappearing makes him feel like his rib cage might collapse on itself. So, he pushes it away as far as he possibly can and bites back his own words, trying to just be relieved you look happy instead of pissed off Dick set you up. He’s just thankful you haven’t run away. Yet.

“What’re you doing here anyways?” Jason asks with the nod of his head at Tim.

“Dick sent me.” Tim starts before explaining this whole fake plan thing Dick sent him on while you and Jason pretend to act as if you have no clue what he’s talking about.

Jason nods his head. “Well, it's getting pretty late. I got a place. Come on.” Jason jerks his head down the alley before he starts walking, not even waiting for a response.

“Wait, really?” Tim asks with hope.

“Before I change my mind.” Jason states, his back fully towards you and Tim before he puts the helmet on.

Tim’s eyes are wide with excitement. He gets to work the Red Hood?! He knows it’s Jason but he was the second Robin and he doesn’t even know much about him. Gar and you talk about him and he met him a few times but this is totally different. Red Hood is going to help him with this?

“You can ride me with. I’ve got an extra helmet. I figured you’d need a ride.” You put a hand on his shoulder before nodding towards Jason. “My bike’s not far.”

The three of you make your way to Jason’s bike that’s closer and then to yours before you and Tim follow Jason to his safe house. It’s the one you took him to when Crane kidnapped him. You stare up at the building for a few seconds, feeling something a bit bitter in the back of your throat over it. Jason can move on, you hope with everything in you that he is, but as someone who cares about him, it's your job to be bitter and pissed about everything Crane did to him forever.

Tim and you follow Jason into the building, now the three of you in your street clothes after taking a detour to change. You've almost had your eyes practically glued to Jason ever since. And it’s taking everything in Jason to focus on the task at hand and not stare at you with a million questions.

The hallway is messy. There’s stuff on the floor everywhere and even though Jason is walking ahead of you, you can’t help but narrow your eyes at him. Surely, he has time to pick up the floor instead of kicking things to the side as he walks by. Jason is always so meticulous with things he likes but he just can’t help the mess in a hallway or his room for some reason.

“Venta?” Jason asks, keeping his steady pace ahead of you and Tim.

“Yeah.” Tim starts. “He lives down on Harbor.”

“Never heard of ‘em.” Jason states, walking through the hallway where he has a laptop set up before he starts typing away at something.

“Dick says he’s got information on the Organization.” Tim explains as he stands beside Jason, resting his arm on the open counter space.

“He sent you to get intel on the Organization?” You ask.

“Yeah.” Tim says casually, but almost like he wants to be offended you'd question it but then he looks between you and Jason. “Maybe we could team on this.” Tim suggests. “The three of us.”

Jason looks to him, struggling not to glance at you before he turns around and starts walking away swiftly. “I don’t team anymore.” Jason says as the laptop makes a noise, you peaking over at it as Tim trails after Jason.

Security system, and a nice one, too. It looks at least similar to the one used at Wayne Manor and in the Batcave. There seems to be some sort of cloaking system to shield his location from anyone who might be looking for him. You've heard he’s made several big-name enemies in Gotham already which is not surprising. Gotham’s newest crime lord is going to take some heat. Of course, he's protecting himself. You're actually relieved by the system. Maybe the security system lets Jason get some sort of sleep.

“Security activated.” The computer sounds through the speakers above the three of you.

“You don’t understand.” Tim defends while you move to catch up with them. “Brother Blood put my boyfriend in a coma.” Tim watches as Jason climbs the stairs before he quickly follows suit, you right behind him.

Jason knows he has to play this off, even if Tim is going to nag him all night. If Jason immediately jumps to help him, Tim won't learn a damn thing and he'll probably figure it out. Jason has heard all about Tim's intelligence and detective skills. If Tim is going to be Robin, Jason's not going to make it easy.

“How long you been doing this Robin thing?” Jason asks.

“Um…” Tim stutters as him and you enter one of the rooms with Jason, Jason still several feet ahead of you. There’s workout equipment, monitors, a fridge. It looks like this is where he trains and keeps his eyes on Gotham. “Not long.” Tim says.

“A couple weeks?” Jason asks as he looks over his monitors on the far end of the room.

“Not quite.” Tim states, looking around the room.

“A week?” Jason asks.

“Last night was my first night.” Tim admits, almost sounding defeated.

You nearly cackle. “Sorry, what?” You spit back as Jason turns around. The two of you exchange a look of surprise and confusion. Dick did not say Tim had no training.

"Yeah..." Tim looks between you and Jason, unsure where you're going to take this conversation. He hopes it'll get you both on his side. He could use the help.

“Oh, the suit did look fresh off the rack.” Jason states. This is going to take a lot of time and effort. “If I were you, I’d get out of Gotham. Take some reps in like Tucson or some shit.” Jason states as he leans his lower back against the table with the monitors, his hands holding the edge of the table.

“Shit’s been quite a bit messy lately and the Bat’s outa town.” You explain as you cross your arms over your chest.

“Dick sent me here to find Venta.” Tim nearly cuts you both off.

“Your funeral.” Jason shakes his head. “You can crash here if you don’t have plans.” Jason gestures a hand out, offering his place for Tim. “I mean, there’s eggs, beer, cheese.” Jason gestures quickly to the fridge sitting on the wall facing Jason on the opposite side of the room.

“That is a lovely diet, Jason.” You mutter back, earning you a bit of a glare from Jason.

It's not exactly like Jason to not have some sort of variety. Generally, he eats pretty healthy in order to maintain the muscle and physical fitness to do this whole thing but eggs and cheese aren't exactly the healthiest thing, especially with the addition of beer. You know he's been busy with Red Hood, helping Barbara. But, you wonder if this is one of those things Molly and Gar are worried about. You make a mental note of it to ask later.

“Been busy.” Jason quips back, almost gauging how you’ll respond.

“I can see that.” Your eyes widen as your hands gesture around.

“Thanks.” Tim interrupts you, unsure if this will be an argument or some weird banter thing you two do. Tim sets the case with the suit against the wall and that’s when he sees a clear board with a cipher on it that looks like Jason’s been trying to crack. “You working on something?” Tim gestures towards it as he starts walking towards it.

“No. I’m paying the fucking cable bills.” Jason quips back.

“Need some help?” Tim asks, his hands in his pockets as he looks over the cipher.

“Since you’re being nosy,” Jason starts before he walks over to Tim, you joining on the opposite side. “Shimmer’s been pulling off high-end heists all over Gotham.” Jason explains. “Sending ciphers as clues.”

Tim looks over the cipher a bit more and he’s got it. He reaches over for the eraser next to the board and starts erasing some of the code Jason has cracked.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jason questions.

“You got your A right but your coding’s off.” Tim explains making you stifle a laugh.

“Fuck you.” Jason defends as he watches Tim.

“It’s a Fibonacci Sequence.” Tim states. “Each number is the sum of two numbers that precedes it.” Tim explains. Jason and you take a step back to watch Tim work. “K-L-E-I-D-S-C-O-P-E.” Tim spells it out, writing each letter. Tim takes a step back, a proud smile on his face while the three of you look over the word.

“Kaleidoscope.” Jason states. “Oh, shit.” Jason starts, rushing over to this phone sitting not the table beside the board.

“I just had fresh eyes.” Tim states, still looking at the board.

“Right, nothing to do with being a genius or anything.” You quip back.

“Hey, Babs.” Jason says with the phone now pressed to his ear. “Uh, Kaleidoscope Auction House. That’s the target for Shimmer’s next hit.” Jason explains before he pauses, looking back at Tim for just a second. “And I’ll take my usual percentage.” Jason says before he hangs up the phone. “So, you are really smart.” Jason states.

“Told you.” You mutter.

“It’s nothing, really.” Tim brushes it off.

“Right.” Jason nods his head. “So, what’s your plan anyways? Stick around Gotham until you find this guy?” Jason asks before he walks over to the fridge, you pull up a seat by the monitors.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Tim shrugs. “I asked around tonight but no one seems to know what I’m talking about.”

Jason nods his head, beer now in hand before he opens it. “Want one?” Jason asks. "Water, Gatorade?" Jason offers before his eyes go back to you. "I have other shit."

You roll your eyes, pathetically putting your hands up in defense, keeping your mouth shut this time. For once, you can't quite tell if your subtle jabs are actual jabs or if it's what you usually do. At this point, you're too afraid to ask because either answer sounds a bit too much.

“No, thanks.” Tim states.

Jason pulls a blue Gatorade from the fridge before crossing the room and offering it to you. It wasn't even a thought Jason had because you've always been someone who will not accept an offer of a drink and then drink his. It was more of a reflex to grab the Gatorade for you. A gentle smile pulls at your lips as you take it softly from him, careful not to let your hand brush his.

“Asking the wrong people probably.” Jason answers as he leans against the table in the space right beside you. “Or they don’t you seriously.” Jason uncaps his beer with the remark.

“Second one.” You state as you uncap your bottle.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tim looks back at the both of you.

“You got your ass kicked tonight.” You state. “I got a feeling you aren’t very good at being intimidating.” You shrug your shoulder casually before you take a drink.

“Hey,” Tim gestures toward you. “I figured out all of you guys and got you to cave about it. I’m pretty good, I think.”

“You’re my friend and I felt bad for lying.” You chortle before you take a sip. "I was at no point ever intimated by you."

“If she didn’t want you to know, she never would have led you to believe otherwise.” Jason takes his own drink knowing damn well you could have, at the very least, hid your own identity from Tim if you really wanted to.

“Still, one of them would have told me! I’m Robin.” Tim tries to defend himself, his voice almost defensive until it finally hits enthusiastic with the mention of 'Robin'.

The way he says it makes you burst out laughing. The amount of times you've heard the words 'I'm Robin' with so much pride and enthusiasm makes it funny. It’s the innocence and confidence Robin brings. Tim isn’t as…cheerful, enthusiastic about it as Jason was. Tim has seen the horrors already but…there is something familiar about it that makes you laugh. You hope he's able to keep that.

Jason thinks he’s melted into the ground with your laugh. The hard part of this whole thing is not going to be training Tim. That’ll be easy. The hardest part is going to pretend like it isn’t killing him to act like this is all fine with him and you. It is killing him not to poke fun at you or ask about everything. This is going to be torture.

“That what I sounded like?” Jason asks quietly.

“Kind of.” You nod your head at him, a soft and beaming smile directed right at him.

“What?” Tim questions.

“Nothing.” You brush it off. “Okay, look, why don’t you stay here with Jason for tonight and I’ll come by tomorrow. We’ll go look together.”

“You do teams?” Tim quips.

“No.” You shake your head, knowing that is a bald-faced lie. “But you’re my friend and I help my friends.”

“Okay, yeah, cool.” Tim smiles widely. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” You nod softly before clearing your throat. “I’m gonna head out then. Uh…” You pause for a second before you get to your feet. “Molly is probably waiting for me so I’ll just text you what time to be ready.” You offer Jason a nervous nod and closed-mouth smile.

You make your way to Tim, giving him a quick hug before you head for the door. Jason almost lets you. But, seeing you and feeling this way? It’s not what he wants. He doesn’t want you to be here just because Dick asked you. He doesn’t want you to be here just for Tim. He can’t just pretend this is all fine.

“I’ll, uh, walk you out.” Jason pushes off the table, earning you to turn around, raising a brow at him.

“Uh...yeah, yeah, okay.” You nod slowly. “Thanks.”

“Don’t touch anything.” Jason warns Tim before catching up to you.

You and Jason walk side-by-side out of the room and your stomach is swirling, turning into a goo. You're nearly vibrating from nervousness being around him again. And he looks so good. He looks healthy. The last time you saw him, he was covered in scrapes and bruises but there aren’t any on his face. You know there have to be some under his clothes but his face looks good and his cheeks aren’t as hollowed as they were before. His hair is fluffy just as it always was. He looks good.

Jason glances at you and Jason Todd is not one to get nervous but he is so nervous right now he’s stuffing his hands in his pockets just because his hands are sweating too much. It’s you and he has no reason to be nervous but his heart is thundering in his chest and he wants to smile ear-to-ear. Everything is different but it almost doesn’t feel that way. His heart is beating for you right now just as it did from day one to day 100. It only ever beats for you.

The two of you reach the door, standing and facing each other. There should be sort of 'see you later' exchange that happens but neither of you entirely know how to do that. Not with each other. You were friends, then friends with benefits, then together, and now you're exes. A handshake still feels far too professional given the intimacy that stands between you and the horrors you've endured together. A wave feels fucking pathetic. And a hug seems a bit out of the question.

It's not even like either of you want to do this whole 'see you later' thing. You both have endless questions and if tonight ends, tomorrow will begin and it might be different again. Jason doesn't want to risk anything in this. So, instead of fumbling his way through a goodbye that would haunt him in his sleep for the next ten years, he starts conversation just to stall you a little.

“What’d you do?” Jason jerks his head, pointing towards the bruise on your eye and he almost touches it. He has to force his hands to stay in his pockets.

“Oh, uh,” You smile softly, touching the yellow with your fingertips. “Molly, actually.”

“No fucking way.” Jason chuckles.

“Yeah, uh, been training her a bit.” Your brows furrow just for a second before you lick your lips. “She asked just to be prepared walking home or some shit. Um…and uh, obviously, you taught her a thing or two. But, she actually fell and I got an elbow to the face.”

Jason lets out a booming laugh and you forget how to breathe. It sounds just as lovely as it did before. Booming and loud, thunder shaking your rib cage free of all its pain.

“It was an accident?”

“Yeah.” You nod quickly. “Fucking painful one. This shit is two weeks out. My eye was swollen shut for like two days!”

Jason keeps laughing and his nose scrunches. You swear he’s still the cutest person to ever walk the earth. How could anyone not be in love with him?

“Sorry, you alright?” Jason asks, but the smile is still ripping across his face as he licks his lips.

“I am fine, thank you.” You nod your head, a soft smile on display. “You, uh, you look good, Jay.”

The nickname sends his head into a spiral. He can’t believe after everything you’ve done to each other and the time that’s passed, you can still make him feel this way. You make him feel like everything is gonna be alright somehow. And he makes you so happy. Something so simple and it’s just joy.

“Thanks.” Jason nods his head. “So do you.” His eyes soften with the ease of his words.

“Thank you.” You pull in a breath.

There’s a silence that falls over you and something hits you both. This is a request from Dick. It wasn’t supposed to be a reunion for you. It just happened to work out that way. Jason still did all of that and you still hurt him and betrayed him. Neither one of you had the courage to call the other. It took Tim coming here needing help. Something about that really hurts. Your minds take over even as happy as you are to see each other, to feel the love blossom through your chests. But, you look at each other and wonder how you could ever ask for forgiveness, especially with each other looking so good. So, you don’t. You punish yourselves.

“Molly’s helping me, by the way.” You blurt out on purpose, knowing it’ll piss him off.

You aren't trying to hurt him, you're just pissing him off. Jason will snap and fire back and you think you'll deserve it. Jason Todd has been very good at pushing everyone away and you've been very good at running. But, you know Jason expects you to run. If he ever wanted to forgive you for some reason, he'll know exactly what to do. So, you take a page out of his book and push. It'll catch him off guard, piss him off, and it'll be what you deserve anyway. You push.

Jason shakes his head, eyes widening. “What the fuck does that mean?” He snaps, searching your face for any indication this is some sort of joke.

“She helps me as Bluejay.” You shrug your shoulders.

“Why the fuck would you let her do that?!” Jason nearly demands as he crosses his arms.

Molly is his friend, too. He knew something was going on but he didn’t think Molly was actually helping. At this point, he's pretty sure the two of you have lost your damn minds. Molly didn't even agree with Batman and Robin and now she's helping? All people do in this path is get hurt or worse. Jason isn't going to give it up and he'd never ask anyone to. But, why the fuck would you let Molly help you? If he knows you at all, he knows you shouldn't be happy about it.

“She asked.” You keep your voice nonchalant, knowing that'll irritate him even more.

“Oh, so fuck it, right? She asked and you’re just gonna let her? And what the fuck are you gonna do when someone figures it out, huh?” Jason seethes as he tosses his right arm to the side.

“Oh, but it’s fine for Tim, right?” You question back as you blink at Jason. He doesn't seem to have a single issue with Tim, just Molly which is some of the ammo you were looking to get out of this.

“He wouldn’t leave any of you guys alone!” Jason defends, his hands shooting out to his sides. Molly and Gar have said they're worried bout you and while he's getting pissed off, he's also growing worried. Starting an argument with him is very uncharacteristic. “Molly isn’t a fighter! You’re putting her in harm’s way!” Jason shakes his head before clocking the Tim remark entirely. “I don’t have a fucking say on if Tim’s Robin, by the way. He’s your fucking friend, too! The fuck are you mad at me for?”

“But you were the previous Robin!” You snap back and you aren’t even sure why you do it. You don't want Robin to be the topic of the argument because that isn't fair. You just can't help it, your mouth is moving faster than your guilt and reason. “You’re not bothered by it at all but I have Molly working on a computer and that’s not fine?” You spit back.

Ow.

If there's anything Jason knows about punishing himself, it's what pushing looks like. He's not entirely sure what is setting you off but there's something. You're hitting a low blow bringing Robin into it and while he doesn't want to fight, it hits an exposed nerve. Jason Todd has always hated feeling exposed.

Jason shakes his head with a bitter laugh. “You haven’t fucking talked to me in over a month but now you think you know how I fucking feel about a Robin?” Jason lets out a scoff. “And yeah because Molly doesn’t need to be in the fucking middle of some bullshit you won’t be able to handle. You’ll get hurt or some bullshit, go to her, and you’ll be tracked. You don’t have a security system, bet your locks are shit, what’re you gonna do, huh?”

“Yeah, well, phones work both ways, Jason.” You spit back, choosing to ignore the second half of the argument. He isn't wrong and you know it. “Molly wouldn’t leave me alone about it and ya know, in my experience, the more we let people not help when they are adamant, they do it anyway and then they die or get hurt.” You scoff back. “Seemed better this way.” Sam nearly mutters it bitterly.

Jason can feel his heart breaking again because this isn't about Molly. He knew it wasn't but it's still about him. He's thinking you're not over the fact that he died which you should not be. But, it almost feels like you're choosing to blame him for his own death and that's something he never thought you would do.

“The fuck is that supposed mean?” Jason asks, his voice rough and angered but he’s not yelling. That’s always the most hurtful form of Jason Todd.

Too far. Too far. Too far.

You never intended to hurt him. It's just...maybe there's a lot of unsaid things from both of you because you both were always so worried about fucking it up. What's left to fuck up now?

You backpedal anyway because it is not fair. It's not his fault. “Nothing.” You shake your head.

“No, tell me what you really mean.” Jason keeps his stance, his voice unwavering.

Jason sees it as you blaming him but that's not true. The way you see it, if people want to help, maybe they're better off to help. Jason and you were held captive and dropped from a Skyscraper because you wanted to help and Dick said no. Jason wanted to be Robin and help and Bruce ripped it away. Tim wanted to help but everyone said no. Anytime someone really wants to help, they do and then they get hurt or worse. Molly was going to try and help one way or another. This way, you can keep an eye on her. Though, you can't quite bring yourself to explain it all.

“You. Me. Tim. Dick. Gar. Rachel.” You explain. “All of us.”

“And we were fucking thrown into this shit. All of us.” Jason argues his side. “I sure as shit didn’t pick it--”

“But you would have!” You scream back because it all just hurts again. He's lying to himself if he doesn't think he wouldn't have picked Robin if it were a choice. “Don’t pretend like Robin was some burden thrown onto you because he wasn’t! You loved it. You still do. Bruce may have weaponized you but he offered it to you and you took it.”

He knows you're right. Of course, he would have picked it. It was the coolest and greatest thing to happen to him at the time. He was useful and he was enough. He was finally fucking good at something and he was finally good for something. It made him feel like he belonged somewhere even if it didn't last. Of course, he'd do it again. As hard as it is, as tortuous as the last few months have been, he doesn't think he'd do anything differently.

“Fine, what about you?” Jason quips back. “Dick gave you a fucking choice. I remember that.” Jason scoffs. “You’d take it all back? If you knew how this ended.”

“Of fucking course I would, Jason!” Your voice finally cracks. “Yeah, I’d never fucking ask you to help me and I never would have went after Deathstroke with you or Jerry or any of this shit. If I could go back, I’d undo it.” You pull in a shaky breath and lower your voice. “It hurts all the time. I’d undo it.” You give him a sad and defeated shrug.

It hurts to say it but a part of you, really thinks you'd undo it if given the chance. Maybe you would just tell Dick no. Maybe it wouldn't be like this today. But, there is a larger part of you thinking you wouldn't be able to undo it. A lot of good came out of you being a Titan. You found this family and maybe had you just said no, it wouldn't be like this. You've been able to save a lot of people since being back on Gotham and doesn't that make it all worth it? The greater good should win.

You're looking at Jason and you wouldn't undo that. A lot of good came out of you being a Titan. Finding a family and new friends, Molly, learning how to properly fend for yourself and knowing you don't have to. It's all good. And Jason. A lot of good came out of being a Titan and Jason is so intertwined in that, you'd never be able to undo it without undoing you two.

You would never be able to.

You don't want to and this whole argument was just so stupid.

Jason looks to the ground and he knows what you mean but so much of you is intertwined in doing this that undoing that, almost feels like undoing you two. He knows that's not what you mean and you're angry over something Jason isn't sure what. You've talked about it. It's just harder today. It doesn't stop it from hurting though.

“Why put that on Molly then?” Jason brings his voice back down.

“Because you’d do it all over again.” You say softly. “Because Dick would do it over again. And Bruce and Tim and Kory and…all of them without even thinking twice about it. I think even Gar would. Molly won’t regret it and you know that.” You strengthen your voice.

This is stupid. He’s supposed to be doing better here but he fights you anyway. The punishment to himself and you started it. But…it doesn’t feel good to be here again. He doesn’t want to be here. He has fought tooth and nail to be alone and now that he is, he doesn’t like it too much. It hurts to be here alone. It hurts to be here without you. Jason promised you he’d make it up to you one day and yeah maybe he could have called and you could have called. But, neither of you did. Jason tells the voices in his head to shut the fuck up and he bites back at them.

“Just…make sure she’s safe.” Jason swallows thickly, catching you off guard. Jason never backs down. “You’re probably right. Molly can be pretty persistent.” He backs down for himself and for you. He won't let you punish yourself this way. You never let him.

“Yeah…” You trail off, tugging the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands as guilt eats away at your bones. “I didn’t want her help.” You whisper, caving, too. It doesn’t matter what you think you deserve and don’t deserve. Jason doesn’t deserve someone to push him away if he’s trying. That’s not fair. “But…it doesn’t work telling people no so…I make sure she’s okay.” You nod your head. “She is only my eyes in the sky. No one even knows I have someone on the inside.”

“Good.” Jason nods his head. “Yeah…” Jason trails off, his stare going to the floor, the white streak hanging loosely over his forehead.

One of you has to bring it up. One of you has to bring up the time you’ve spent apart. One of you has to say something besides the unsaid words that are nearly strangling you both. It will always feel giddy with a sense of dread and awkwardness unless you do. You always apologize.

“I’m sorry for not calling.” Jason states, catching you off guard and it’s like he’s just stacked twenty more pounds of guilt onto your pile. A lump grows in your throat and not once did you ever actually blame him for not calling you. You think he shouldn’t in order to protect himself. “I just…got busy and I don’t know.” Jason shrugs his right shoulder. “Should have.”

“I-I’m sorry, too.” You nod your head. “I, uh…yeah, busy.” You nod your head, swallowing the lump in your throat and biting back tears.

He has nothing to be sorry for.

Jason’s heart sinks because there’s something wrong. There is always something in the way you stutter around him that gives it away. It got to the point where you almost never did. You almost never tugged your sleeves down. It’s more of a nervous tick than anything and now you're doing it again. You're too exposed around him again and Jason can’t help but feel it’s all his fault and it’s too late. The thing you had, that strength that ruins mountains, has just wilted away. He thinks it might be his biggest regret.

“I’m really sorry.” You say more clearly this time. "For, uh, f-for not calling and uh, arguing with you just now. I, uh...I-I don't know." You tug the collar of your hoodie down just a bit, feeling suffocated by the fabric but then Jason sees the silver of a necklace around your neck.

You still wear it?

You open your mouth to talk but Jason cuts you off.

“Is that the necklace I gave you?” He blurts out before he can even process it.

He needs to know.

You look down, seeing the chain stare back a you before you pull the pendant from your hoodie and Jason wants to combust.

“Yeah.” You state, the infinity charm staring back a you. “Uh…” A smile pulls at your lips. You never take it off even when it all feels hopeless because maybe, just maybe, it's not just the cliche of infinity of you but some sort of symbol of hope that you'll find your way back to each other one day. “I know we haven’t talked and this shit feels awkward and shit but uh, I don’t know.” You lick your lips. “Figured Molly would call if you something happened and then…you’d know.”

You're realizing how dumb this whole thing. Maybe you can’t have what you really want. Maybe that’s not how this is meant to be. But you know he checks up on you and you know he knows you do the exact same. It’s silly and ridiculous for you to tiptoe over each other as if you haven’t witnessed each other at your best and worst. You held his lifeless body in your hands. Jason saves your life. Being a part from each other…not worth it.

A smile pulls at his lips before it turns into a smirk. “Someone’s gotta be prepared with your habit of being kidnapped.” Maybe it gives him hope, too.

“Shut the fuck up.” You groan. “It’s been months.” You can't help the smile that crosses your lips.

“You’re due.” Jason quips back.

You let out a laugh, sending a chill down Jason's spine. “I am good on that thanks.”

Jason tilts his back, feeling the same as you. This whole thing is fucking stupid. He needs to swallow his pride and he just doesn’t want you to leave. Despite his habit of spiraling into self-deprecating thoughts, he knows there has to be something left between you. Since the very first day, there has been something there. So, maybe you try this friend thing again. Maybe it'll work out.

“This is fucking stupid, right?” Jason laughs. “Not talking and shit.” He clarifies.

“Yeah.” You nod with a laugh. “Molly and Gar and Tim and Dick have been telling me that.”

“Molly, Gar, and Dick.” Jason groans. “Fuck, even Bruce.”

You let out a laugh. “Okay, you know it’s bad when Bruce is over here giving you advice on this shit.”

“Right?” Jason lets out a scoff. “We good?” Jason asks with hopeful eyes.

“Always were, Jay.” You smile softly at him and in that moment, you make a silent promise to yourself that you don’t care about your heart but you will guard his with every knife you have. “Friends who actually talk and act like it this time?” You question.

“Yeah, need someone to nag me.” Jason sticks his hand out.

“Oh, well, if you insist. Clean this fucking place, it’s a mess!” You take his hand in yours, shaking it softly.

“Since we’re friends, you could help.” Jason quips back, looking at the hallway that resembles the aftermath of a tornado.

You take your hand back. “You could go fuck yourself.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jason grins back at you with furrowed brows.

Your brows raise with a splitting smile. “Ask your hand.”

Jason let out a chortle. “Fair.”

“Okay, seriously, I gotta get back. Molly will have too many questions if I stay any longer.” You nod your head, already mentally preparing for the amount of questions Molly will have and knowing none of them will actually pertain to Tim. “I’ll be back tomorrow, you gonna come?”

“Nah.” Jason shakes his head, figuring he'll let the two of you catch up by you showing him the ropes alone for a bit. “You guys go. Dick call you?”

“Mhm, you?” You pretend like you don’t know, mostly to keep the peace between the batboys.

“Yep.” Jason nods his head. “Setup?”

“Absolutely.” You laugh. "Dude still hasn't told Kory but he's setting us up."

"We have to repay the favor then, I guess." Jason offers you a wild and menacing grin.

"Oh, definitely." You nod quickly.

Jason shakes his head with a laugh. "Just gotta get Tim into shape first."

“We’ll get him ready in no time.” You beam back at him with the scrunch of your nose.

“We’ll start training when you guys get back tomorrow but follow my lead.” Jason offers, already ten steps ahead with a plan.

“Because Tim can’t know.” You finish.

“I got an idea.” Jason nods.

“You always have a plan.”

“Always.” The word babe almost slips from his lips.

“Okay, Jay.” Your cheeks burn, sensing it, too. “I will see you tomorrow.” You nod once before you turn on your heels and exit the building.

Jason watches you and his thinks he’s breathless. There’s something reminiscent of the first day he met you. Not entirely knowing much about you. He knows about you today but there’s a gap of time he’s missing. There are two actually because he doesn't know all of the details in the time he died. There are voids he’s missing and what’s changed about you because of them? It almost feels like that first day because his bones are vibrating with excitement and he can’t wait to see you again. It feels like it did then and he would love to keep chasing that feeling.

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[mandy-malady]

dude some days i wonder if my abusive ex wasn't right about me being a sinking ship that's just going to drag everyone around me down with me...

[incorrectcreepypastafam]

Question... What's an strangely specific for no good reason conversation you have had with friends or family that you think would fit some of the creepypastas?

I have so many of these dude.

I literally write down every funny conversation I have in a separate folder in my notes app

Liu: normalize shooting people when they upset you

Toby: I’m gonna Jeff the kill you

Jeff: I’m gonna Jeff the fuck your mom

Jeff, reading an Instagram post: the feminine urge to go completely insane

Toby: do it

Jeff, holding a block of cheese: I will beat you with this

Jeff, making fun of Liu: if you can’t naturally have good eyesight storebought is fine

Lyra: sometimes I wish I had stayed dead

*talking about weird nicknames*

Toby: how do you get Dick from Richard?

Jeff: ask him nicely

Jeff: I’m leaving *puts in earbuds*

Tim: Jeff, close the knife drawer

Jeff: but they’re colorful

Tim: you’re two different people

Liu: nah

Jeff: that’s never been true

Ben: are you sitting on your brother?

Jeff: it’s his fault

Toby: is that a challenge

Jeff: oh that’s a challenge alright

Liu: ITS NOT A CHALLENGE

Liu: be on your best behavior, both of you

Jeff: what have I ever done

Liu: you’re mean

Jeff: hey Geoff go off yourself

Sally: I will bite out your eyes

Toby: oh my god

Toby: calm down

Jeff: don’t say swear words, motherfucker

Jeff: I’m straight

Jeff: I love women

Liu: nice one, Jeff

Lyra: put your caulk away

Ben, playing Stardew Valley: Abigail?

Ben: she won’t talk to me

Jeff: Abigail won’t talk to you?

Jeff: bitch

Brian: you can’t trust shrimp

Brian: you turn your back and they start frying rice

Ben: I’m teaching you the makeup of the sun

Ben: red

Ben: orange

Jeff: you know what they say, third stab’s the charm

Jeff: Twilight vampires are stupid. Fuck those vampires

Toby: what am I thinking of

Lyra: I have no idea! :)

Liu: be good, tiny tot

Sally: I will not

Liu, pointing at Ben: don’t hang out with him!

Liu, pointing at Ben: you did this!

Tim: what do you do for the rest of the hours

Jeff: I sleep

Tim: I think at some point that much sleep just means depression

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS - CH. 7

Chapter Seven: Let's Stay the Course and Let the Tension Make Us New

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, LOTS OF ANGST IM SORRY, TW: Sexual Assault, Attempted Rape, Swearing, Suicide, FLUFF, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, INFECTED, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing, TLOU is dark please read at your own risk!

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: HI THANK YOU, GUYS, FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT ILY SO MUCH AHHHHHH ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ This chapter is gonna merge with Episodes 7 & 8 hORRAY— Lowkey had to turn to the game for a bit to figure out how I wanted to write this chapter hehe. Please note this chapter is a little bit more serious and heavy than usual. The names used here are fictional and I have no intent to post this chapter to glorify any form of harm. Rape and sexual assault will always be serious topics and should never be taken lightly. This is your final warning to read at your own risk and I am not responsible for any media you consume, dear reader, you have a responsibility and choice as to what content you read, and I urge you to never blame authors for that. As always, the end notes will have the outline of my thoughts if you wanted to read what my thought process was. ANYWAYS ENJOY! GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!

Song: Would've, Could've, Should've by Taylor Swift

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TLOU WORLD 2023

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO – EARLY MORNING

Snowflakes fell from the pale clouds, chilly sky as a crisp wind weaved through the buildings. The bitterness of winter, whalebone-white snow presented itself as an infinite blanket. The gravel-grey skies were bare, and the only sound you could occasionally hear was Joel’s uneven breathing. You had told her to leave you. Ellie didn’t accept that, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing either of you. She dragged both of your bodies next to each other on top of his sleeping bag, strapping and securing you together with rope as she rides her horse into the suburbs, dragging the reigns of your horse.

You managed to close your eyes for a bit, your vision getting a little blurry, and everything seems hazy, you hear the shattering of glass and when you open them again, you are now inside someone’s long-forgotten home. The garage is soaked with blood, and your horse shakes off snow from his head. You and Joel are placed on an old mattress in the basement of the house, as the pain had started to sink in. Breathing becomes a chore in itself. Each breath just gets shorter and shorter, when you try to take a deep breath your body refuses to let it in, a stabbing pain each time you try. Ellie is ripping out a piece of fabric, doing her best to stop Joel’s bleeding, she curses the whole time, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Come on, you gotta help me. Come on!” While doing so, Joel grabs her hand and painfully wheezes, “Leave. Leave.” Her tone is sharp as she hisses, “Shut up, Joel.” You try and say her name, only for a painful noise to come out of your mouth, “Ellie. Please.” She shakes her head at both of you and Joel breathlessly says, “Take the gun.” Panicked, while trying to multitask as she presses another cloth to your abdomen, “Joel, shut the fuck up!”

Joel grabs her by the collar of her shirt with the remaining strength that he had to bring Ellie to look at him, he weakly says, “You go. You go. You go north. You go to Tommy. You go.” She roughly pulls away from his grasp, falling to the ground with a loud thump. You turn your head to look at Joel who was bleeding out next to you. You can see the tears rimming his eyes, and he's almost comatose. Frail, you grab his hand, squeezing it as you tenderly gaze at him.

In response, she gets up and puts his jacket over him and your own as a blanket, and both of you are almost comatose. The warmth of blankets makes him nervous, suddenly things that are known to comfort him become destructive reminders of loss. Ellie's frustrated and walks upstairs, a kid on a mission, her belief that she could fix this over time, as if every imperfection is a lie, and you watch as a tear falls from Joel’s eye. Each breath you take is agonizing, the sharp stab each time you try to let in causes you to whimper in pain. You feel Joel’s rough hands squeeze your own, still trying to shield and protect you, despite him also hurting.

You see the longing in his eyes as he faces you, and you can’t quite put your finger on it. There’s just something about his face that makes you sad, as much afraid as it’s haunted. He shakily wraps his arm around you and tries his damn hardest to put pressure on your wound even though his energy is fading. You place your head on his chest, your ear right above his faint beating heart, he winces but doesn’t push you away. Instead, he gripped you as tightly as he could, pressing a featherlight kiss on your forehead, mumbling, “Tell me somethin’ good.” You shake your head, “You growin’ soft on me Cowboy?” His eyelids feel heavy as he spoke, “Only for… you. Always you.” You feel your tears slip faintly down your cheeks, “Out of all the things I’ve researched and discovered over the years… nothing will ever compare to what I found here.” The ache in his chest expands as he inhales and says, “Birdie… I…” You shush him delicately, “I’ve never related more to anything or anyone before… I can’t explain it. You are the best thing I never planned.”

Joel shudders in the basement, his breathing becoming shallow with each breath. Wave after wave, he’s more afraid. It’s been a hard year and it’s been a high tide, but his body decides one part at a time. But what about the meantime? How do you ignore the signs that the things you love will fade or get taken away? There's something so strange about human nature, you get so used to the gifts you receive. He is watching the tears slowly continue to slip out of your eyes as he breathes lightly next to you, he still has so much he wants to tell you and still has so much to figure out. When the words came to him for the first time, he knew he was hooked on you. Your quiet charm, the way your eyes crinkled as you smiled, the calmness and chaos you carried. He wanted it all with you. Could it be, you both didn’t stand a chance? How cruel could fate be? To have found you only to lose you in a matter of days.

What was flawless canvas white, and what was kindness in your eyes, is now a blemished masterpiece. You are X-rays of something broken, made up of cold blood and bruises. You noticed your hearing started to fade. In an underwater afterimage, the hearing effect is just a bit less heavy. As time went on the underwater hearing effect started becoming more strong and you barely start hearing people. Into the darkness, you will send your symphonies. A shorthand of existence, a slowly turning key, the voyager will leave you with this modest memory of home.

You believe you’ve seen a ghost, and you don’t know who it is. It just follows you around pretending to exist. Radical acceptance sure feels like surrender, but after just a little longer, everything will make sense. Broken things will be remade, there’s some kind of heaven just around the corner and all this sorrow and agony will be replaced with unimaginable grace. With the remaining strength you had, you took in his darkly golden eyes, a smoldering visage, and warmth like home. The muffled sounds of rapid and loud footsteps from upstairs, the clattering of drawers and cabinets. You take one more breath in, the small part of you has the glimmering light of hope but the shadows keep inviting you to their clutches, and to be honest, it seems so tempting to just give in.

You hear the suppressed sound of Ellie running down to the basement, rushing to your and Joel’s side, you subconsciously wonder what took so long or if she hesitated during the process of looking through the house for supplies. You can blurrily make out the vision of Ellie holding a needle and thread, you let out a small gasp and Ellie only looks at you with worry. Your eyes flutter close, unable to help yourself to watch as she shakily stitches up Joel, he groans in pain every now and then, while you listen to your own blood dripping onto the mattress and sliding down to the concrete floor. You slowly begin to seek comfort in the ensnares of the darkness.

YOUR ORIGINAL OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE — JANUARY 13, 2023

WASHINGTON STATE UNIVERSITY, FUNDAMENTAL QUANTUM PHYSICS LAB — NIGHT

Ever since The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences has decided to award the Nobel Prize in Physics 2022 to three scientists for experiments with entangled photons, establishing the violation of Bell inequalities and pioneering quantum information science. You were immediately intrigued by their findings and continued your own research with the given information. You sit in the dim lighting of the lab, and the glow of the screen hypnotizes you as you continue to scroll through the PDF file, text containing the explanation of quantum entanglement and the possibilities of quantum teleportation.

The mountains of paper, pencils, pens, and highlighters clutter around your large desk. You bring your arms up and stretch your lower back. Waiting for the possible outcome of the  computer-generated model, a theory could change how information is sent and transmitted, including transportation. You suddenly hear your other coworker, Alisha shakily call your name, and you spin your chair around to find her disheveled state. A bruised lip, her hair in a mangled mess, and her eyes red-rimmed, you look down at her once-white lab coat to find blood at the edges. Your eyes widen in concern, “Ali, what happened to–” You didn’t even get the chance to finish, she had made her way across the room to hug you and began to cry in your arms, falling apart piece by piece. You hear her beg and whimper broken words, “Please… Please don’t let him find me… He can’t…”

You then hear the yelling voice of her partner Richard, screaming her name through the halls, and soon enough, outside your door, you try to stand and lock it but since Ali was clinging onto you, you barely got up before the man came barreling through the door. You and Ali flinch at his arrival, wearing around his father’s hand-me-down anger. Your skin crawled and your bones rattled, your muscles screamed of a horror unseen. Ali’s breathing is shortened and you feel her skin become cold, your leg and arm muscles tightened. There is a sound coming from his mouth, but nothing registers as the ringing in your ears has appeared. He marches towards you and Ali, the taste of bile rose to your mouth and you swallowed, the acid rising and burning your throat.

TLOU WORLD 2023

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER…

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — DAY

You wake up choking, the feeling of being smothered overwhelms your body as you try to gasp for air. Ellie is quick to your side, as you cry out in fear and pain, the awful memory of your past that you had buried, had been used against you in your sleep. You take some time to realize where you are, and Ellie is clutching your hand as you try and jerk forward, “Hey… Birdie… shhh… you’re okay,” she said as she gently pushes you down next to Joel. You shiver and whimper, “Ellie…” She shushes you again and lets you drink from a glass of water, you painfully gulp it down, and she gets you to try and eat a bit of food from the rations, you brought with you. Dizzily, you chew and swallow whatever you could, urging yourself not to puke on the teen. 

You turn your head back to Joel, who was shivering, and barely conscious, you weakly speak to Ellie, “Can you… please lift his shirt for me?” The young girl shifts to Joel’s side, doing what she was asked of, the sickly sound of blood that clings onto his flannel has your eyes looking down at the yellow puss seeping from the now closed and stitched-up wound. To put it plainly, everything fucking hurt. You wince as you bring your shirt up to check your abdomen, finding that it had also been patched up and luckily not as infected as Joel’s. You bring your shirt down and watch Ellie take care of Joel, tucking him back in his blanket, and giving him water and a bit of food left placed on top of his blanket. You hoarsely say, “We need an antibiotic for his wound. Are there any in the drawers upstairs? In the medicine cabinet… maybe?” Then teen shakes her head, “No, I checked everything.” You cough a little, before giving her a small nod. 

Ellie looks at the rifle leaning against the wall, and you hear her whisper to you both, “I’m gonna be right back… okay?” You try and call for her, but she doesn’t stop preparing her things, too focused on trying to get you and Joel better and moving. Her footsteps sound heavy as she makes her way upstairs while carrying the heavy rifle on one shoulder, you shudder as if you were seconds from breaking down from the orbit, gravity throws you down. She will discover that life will knock you down and wait for you to stand back up before kicking you in the stomach. But, the only way to make your lungs remember how much they relish the flavor of air is to knock you out completely. Underneath, there is hurt that cannot be soothed by poetry or bandages. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. You weakly grab Joel’s hand from underneath the green and white plaid blanket, squeezing it as you shakily say, “I don’t know if you can hear me… but if you can… Joel, you were good to me. If you're wondering why I've stayed—and for all I know, I'll stay—the truth is because the stars told me to.”

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER…

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — SUNSET

You weren’t sure how long you slept, or how long Ellie had been gone. But you stir to the sound of Ellie’s footsteps running down the wooden creaking stairs. You blink your eyes open, She unzips her jacket and lays the rifle next to Joel, and pulls out a wrapped pouch. You hear the bottles clink as she unwraps them, and she tells you it’s penicillin, she then looks at you shaking your head, “Give it to Joel first.” Ellie sniffs and nods, peeling back the blanket that covers his pale body, you murmur out instructions, “Hold the syringe in your hand like a pencil, with the needle pointed up.” She does as she is told and you continue to guide her through it, “With the cap still on, pull back the plunger to the line on your syringe for your dose. Keep the syringe tip in the medicine. Tap the syringe with your finger to move air bubbles to the top. Then push gently on the plunger to push the air bubbles back into the vial.” As if she was an expert, she does everything perfectly, but she begins to panic about where she would administer the penicillin,  “Okay, the fuck do I put this, Birdie?” You exhale in pain but keep going, “Do not inject it into a vein. You need to administer it on a large muscle, either his back or his thigh.” Ellie exclaims, “I am not pulling down his pants!” You wince at her sudden yelling, and she’s quick to apologize, you groggily get up, everything was spinning but you needed to help her. You tell her, “Okay, turn around.” She does so, still holding the needle for you as you unbuckle his belt and carefully undress him, he groans and you try your best to ignore it. You focus on the task at hand, bringing his jeans down enough to see a portion of his thigh, “Do we have any… alcohol?” You ask and Ellie hands you Joel’s metal flask, your mouth forms a frown but you unscrew the cap and pouring a tiny amount of the vodka as an antiseptic, cleaning it off with the only clean rag left in your bag.

You ask for the needle from Ellie and she hands it to you. Your heart is racing, but you manage to inject him with the required amount of penicillin, you hear Joel sigh with a mix of pain and relief. You redress him quickly and mention to Ellie it’s safe to look again, she turns to see you sitting on the mattress again, watching Joel fall back asleep. You yawn in exhaustion, drearily blinking as you try and center yourself. Ellie says your name and you tiredly bring your eyes to her as she says, “There’s another needle if you wanted to…”

You nodded gratefully and followed the same procedure as before, Ellie turns around as you undressed a part of your jeans, quick to the point of just stabbing the needle into your thigh to get it over with, gritting your teeth as you pushed the plunger down, feeling the antibiotic entering in your system. You zip back up and lean back into the mattress, Ellie hearing you shift causes her to turn around again, and you gently pat the middle of the bed, indicating for her to lay down and rest. She is snug in the middle of you and Joel, her tiny arms wrapped around him, with you kissing the top of her head. Joel leans into her touch, resting his head above hers, and quietly breathes. Your tired eyes slowly close shut and allow yourself the comfort of the people around you.

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — MORNING

As thin as air and as light as snow. The sunlight streaming through the basement window causes you to stir awake once more, Ellie is sitting up in between you and Joel, and she asks, “Do you have to inject him again?” Tiredly, you nod and carefully push yourself up, raising a hand to his forehead to check his temperature. You lift a portion of the shirt while Ellie watches you move skillfully, you sigh in relief as you inspect the injury and the wound already looks slightly better and then you lift your own shirt to see your own abdomen healing as well, you look up to Ellie who tearily laughs, “Thank fucking God.” As you prepare to administer another dose of penicillin, Ellie puts on her jacket and beanie, “I’m gonna go outside and feed the horses, I’ll be back.” You smile, “Please be careful.” She nods and is quick to run up the steps, and you undress Joel once more to inject the antibiotic into his thigh. You place him back into his jeans and place the blanket over him again, wiping away the sweat from his brows as you try and catch your breath. You then let your hand slide down, cupping his cheek tenderly, “Come back to us, Joel. Please, we still need you.” Kissing his head and then laying down to rest next to him, allowing your body to melt with his, the past two days have drained most of your reserved energy, you drift off into a deep slumber.

The crows caw violently as they fly away from the approaching danger, the leaves shake and swirl all around and Ellie is quick to investigate. She hugs the fence and crouches down to see David and his men quickly approaching, searching for Ellie and her two guardians. She curses and dashes back to the house, her boots heavily thudding against the wooden steps down to the basement, she first tries to wake you, but you don’t even stir, you have no more energy to give, each part of you spent trying to care for both of them and barely trying to keep yourself alive. Ellie panics and turns to Joel, shaking and yelling at him, “Joel! Joel, wake up. Joel, wake the fuck up, Joel.”

Ellie moves away to unsheath the knife from his bag and Joel forces his eyes open, she moves back to place the large blade on his chest, grabbing his hand so he could hold it, saying, “Okay, okay, look at me. There are men coming, okay? Birdie isn’t waking up and she’s probably exhausted from all of this. I’m gonna lead them away from you two but if anybody makes it down here, you fucking kill them. You got it?” He does reply, still barely conscious and Ellie snaps her fingers at him, “Joel. Joel, do not fall asleep. She needs you to keep her safe. I need you to keep her safe. Do not fall asleep.”

There isn’t enough time to form a reply to Ellie, she instantly bolts up the steps, placing a large cabinet to block and conceal the basement entrance. His eyes close once more, like a final puzzle piece, It all makes perfect sense to him. The heaviness that he holds in his heart's been crushing him.

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — DAY

Joel hears the sound of footsteps from above, each thud causing him to jolt awake from his slumber, he tilts his head to find your beautiful figure stirring, as if your body senses the danger. He pushes himself up from the mattress, having one mission in mind, keeping you safe and alive. He shushes you, kissing away the lines on your forehead, and slowly they disappear. He hears the cabinet being moved, and quickly hides his figure, not enough time or strength yet to hide you as he limps to hide in the shadows.

The sound of floorboards creaks with each step the intruder takes, slowly approaching the landing of the staircase. He sees your resting figure deep asleep and quickly glances around the basement to see if the man who killed his friend was here. This was the moment Joel wished he was younger, quicker, and not in the worst fucking physical pain he has ever felt. The man approaches you, eyes glinting with starvation as he licks his lips, he dives onto you, nailed your wrists to the mattress, and covers your mouth as you screamed awake, shrieking and kicking, screaming for Joel. Your voice threw itself over the edge of your throat and landed at the bottom of your belly. The same way Richard did that night, you cry loudly as you continue to kick and struggle through the flashbacks of the past you had buried.

The sound of screaming from Ali haunts your mind as you hit Richard with all of your strength, he covers your mouth and you bite it fiercely, he curses and spits at you, “You fucking bitch. Come here.” You kneed him, hard, in the genitals, he folds over and you crawl over to the toolboxes on the table above you, he grabs your ankle and drags you back to him.  

You were fighting harder than before. The guy is removing his belt and pulling down his pants. You can barely contain your cries, a bird with a broken wing. You didn’t know when your being and body became something that took up too much space.

You kick him with your other foot again, using your fingernails and clawing his face and skin. This catches him off guard, releasing your ankle, you take the opportunity to grab a metal wrench, swing at him, and walloped him on the head, repeatedly, the crunch of his skull as you hack into him with every pent-up rage you had harbored over the years. Your anger often melts into sadness, it will just disintegrate into shame or fear, and your clenched teeth release into chatter. But he has found the right mix of arrogance and abuse. Telling you again how you are just not understanding the point, reminding you how he is an expert, touching your knee, thigh, and lower back, ignoring you twice, three times, continuing to talk over your screams and plea to stop. Some of us are born chasing disaster. From the moment you entered this world, screaming, you are looking for lightning, the raw of your body, always searching for clever hands.

Joel appears from the shadows, every fiber, every vein, pumping him full of adrenaline, and pure raw rage you have never seen before from him. His eyes were a deep rich black, and his eyebrows were pulled so close together, the lines on his forehead were so prominent as if they were canals and channels of rivers. He pulls the man off of your shaking body, and stabs the man from behind, hitting a part of his neck of the predator, he begins to struggle and you push yourself away from the fight, your back hitting the wall and trying to calm down to no avail. By the time the man has passed out, Joel rolls over to his side, pushing himself up and crawling to you.

When Joel makes it to your scared and confused figure, at first you try punching and kicking at him too, still in survival mode. But he manages to grab you and is desperately hauling you to his chest, one hand cradling your head, the other wrapped around your waist as you loudly wail and dry heave, he rocks your bodies back and forth and strokes your head, trying to soothe your hysteria, “I’m so sorry darlin’, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, my sweet hummin’ bird. Shh, I’m here. I’m so, so, sorry. I’m right here.” 

You were sitting at the back of an ambulance vehicle, a blanket placed over you, the flashing lights and sirens blending together with the occasional radio chatter from an officer. The blood on your hands had dried and stuck to your skin, across from you Ali was giving her statement on what had happened as an EMT continued to check over you, finding bruises on every part of your body. Strangely enough, you felt numb, there was no ounce of guilt or remorse for what had occurred and transpired. You look up at the officer, his pity radiates off of him, and you barely hear him ask for your statement only for the EMT to shoo him off, telling him to come back later, you were still in shock.

You slowly raise your chin, eyes dancing at the sight of the commotion. Like blueprints constantly being rearranged, over microscopes you plan and strain. But every sighting is proof and every heartbeat proves it too.

When it hurts too much, you might fall in love with someone with only one touch. The light shines brightest in the darkest places. Even if truth weighs more than fiction, gravity lifts as the projectionist rolls the tape and you become brave once more. You persevered despite the dangers and never-ending tight escapes, and you are still alive. Nobody will ever be able to comprehend the struggles you had to go through inside just to recover, just to develop, to get to where you are now. Be proud of yourself for battling to save yourself. Be proud of how you managed to survive.

THE ABANDONED SUBURBS, COLORADO — DAY

Joel eventually manages to calm you down, centering you, he tells you, “Darlin’, we need to find Ellie. Okay? You have to continue being brave for me, okay? Can you do that?” He wipes away your tears as you nod, he kisses your forehead and holds your face gently, “There’s my girl. C’mon.” He gets the both of you to stand, and you both drag the man up the steps, not caring if he would sometimes groan in pain. You didn’t have a very violent side, it takes a lot to push you to your limits, but when it does burst out of you, it happens in one go, and it is a blur each time you lash out.

The rattling of the branches causes your ears to perk up in alertness, and Joel lets the predator thump loudly upon the cold snow on purpose. Joel asks you to hide behind the shed, wanting to take care of the other man himself. You hear a voice call out, “Timothy?” And you spot the second raider walking through the broken fence, taking the bait as he spots who you now know as Timothy struggling face down on the crisp white snow, “Oh, shit.” He kneels on the ground to try and help his friend, but Joel comes at him with a force so strong as he hits the man on the head with the butt of the rifle, he falls to the ground instantly and becomes unconscious.

Both of you work together to prop the both of them up into the house, taping both of them with duct tape, and Joel needs to do the rest of the work out of guilt and shame, forcing you to wait down on the steps of the basement. You hear him beating the shit out of Timothy, and he wails in pain with every strike, “Stop, stop. Please.” Your lips form a line and hug your body as you decide to quietly walk up the steps, peeking at the sight.

Your mouth parts open, watching Joel’s violence happen in front of you in real-time. A satisfying crunch could be heard with each punch Joel throws at your assailant, you take a good long look at your man, and can’t help the way your breathing quickened at the thought of him protecting you and trying to save Ellie from these bastards. There is no evil in Joel’s eye, just pure focus and exhaustion. You hear the other voice beg, “Leave him alone.” To which Joel roughly replies, “You’re next.” He pulls out the knife from his back pocket and Timothy begs, “Please, I don’t know any girl.” Joel stabs him in the knee and he yells in pain, “Oh, fuck!” And the other attacker exclaims, “Jesus!” You feel goosebumps rise from every portion of your skin and try to steady your breathing once more. Timothy calls for his friend, “Marco!” And Joel grabs Timothy by his hair, roughly pulling it to get him to look at the man you cared for, his voice drops lower, “No, no, no. He can’t help you. You focus right here. Or I’ll pop your fuckin’ kneecap off.”

If Joel asked you anything in that tone, you would do anything in a heartbeat. You smile knowingly but quickly shake your head at those thoughts, needing to find Ellie. “She’s alive,” Timothy says as he is dripping in blood and the taste of copper buzzes in the air. Joel shakes his head as he asks, “Where?” Timothy doesn’t immediately respond to which Joel twists the knife impaled in his knee, and he begins to cry in pain, “Fuck! Fuck! The town!” Joel's voice booms so loudly, you watch as his spit flies in the air, the room felt like it was shaking and every part of your body felt the vibrations as he yelled, “What town?!” Timothy pants in fear and pain, “Silver Lake.” Joel pushes his head backward and cries out in ache. 

Joel pulls out the map from his back pocket and unfolds it, Timothy begins to stumble over his words as he spoke, “It’s not a real town name. It’s a resort.” Joel’s eyes narrow, “A resort?” Then he quickly pulls the knife from his kneecap, the blood squirting out as he does, Timothy is crying out again but your eyes only watch how efficiently Joel moves. He stands and shoves the handle of the knife into Timothy’s mouth, and your posture shifts, you are now blinking wildly at his actions, and the unexpected rush of heat flows in every direction of your body, you swallow in anticipation.

Joel’s voice is gruff and grave as he instructs him, “You’re gonna point to where we are and where you’re ‘resort’ is. And it better be the exact same spot your buddy points to.” Timothy cries as he nods and the muffled sound of his reply, ”Okay.” He does as he is told, his blood becoming the markers of where you are and where you were now heading. Timothy drops the knife from his mouth, letting it fall to his lap, “That’s where we are. I swear.” Joel falls to his knees as he takes in the information, looking down directly at the map and then his hard gaze looks up as Timothy continues to beg, “Go ask him. He’ll tell you. I’m not lying.” There is no moment to react as Joel takes the knife, stands up, and stabs him right through the chest, he wails and screams, and you inadvertently flinch in shock, Joel twists the knife, letting his anger take over. Marco cries out to Joel, “No, No! Shit! Jesus! No! Why the fuck would you do that?! He told you what you wanted!”

Joel walks over to the chair on the side and grabs the rusty metal pipe atop it. The man you have journeyed with, kissed, and cared for is now pushed to his limits. He is tall and domineering over Marco as he squirms and curses at him, “You motherfucker. Fuck you. I ain’t tellin’ you shit.” Joel nods, his voice as bold as whiskey, deep and rich, “You see that woman over there by the corner, watchin’? That’s my girl. Your buddy over there was gon’ touch what is mine. And no one fuckin’ touches anythin’ that’s mine.”

Your eyebrows raise and your breathing lazily declines, as your system creates sparks and tingles all over your skin. The very sensitive part of you aches for Joel, and you allow yourself to lust over him. He claimed you right here, you are his girl, and anyone who hurts you would pay the price. A brutal and torturous death.

“And you know what, it’s okay. I believe him.” Joel said, and raises the pipe and Marco begs, “No, no. No!” The crunching sound of his skull being pried open, Joel using every bit of muscle and strength as he beats him to his death, blood splatters on the wall and the floor, he lets out his rage, and you enjoy every bit of violence that he exhibits right now, knowing he would never hurt you, just the people who threatened you and Ellie’s safety.

By the time Joel drops the pipe to the ground, you are no longer peeking around the corner, you are visibly standing a few feet away behind him, as his broad shoulders rise and fall from his heavy breathing. You are well aware of the shadows in your heart, but you want to feel tectonic shifts and as he turns to face you, he sees the wide-eyed beautiful woman he has given his heart to, not a single bit afraid, yet he can’t help but ask, “So you know all about me?” You nod, “Yes.” He questions, “And you still want me?” You close the distance between the both of you, gently cupping the side of his face. There is no hesitation in your response, “I want you all the more.”

You pack what you can and trek through the snow, the blizzard, and the wind is harsh and colder, you and Joel stumble about but keep pushing on, trying to get to Ellie on time. Joel holds your hand in his, guiding you to the resort on the map, he clutches a stone pillar of an establishment, and you tug his sleeve as you spot the trail of blood staining the icy snow. You and he follow the bloody path and break into the locked door that the trail leads to with the butt of his rifle, ushering you inside and then slamming the large wooden door shut. You and Joel catch your breath, and turn on your flashlights, letting them shine through the dark. You both have your guns drawn at the ready, inspecting the building, Joel crouches down to the bottom shelf, finding Ellie’s pack. You walk deeper into the dark house, following the trail of blood, and pushing past the doors. He finds both of your horses inside, the room and you blink away the tears as you continue to try and be brave. You tiredly bring your flashlight up to hear the weird creaky noise from behind the canoes, you feel Joel behind you as he also points his flashlight to a gruesome sight.

Every step you took was a confirmation, needing to reassure yourself that this was actually in front of you, you had known there was a character named David who was a cannibal but were not fully aware when that would happen or if it would even occur. You  cannot utter the careful words that you needed, you could barely speak out loud. Your heart pounded, your head spun and your eyes saw the three human bodies tied up by their ankles without any heads. It took everything in you not to throw up right there, feeling the reflex crawl up your throat, holding back from gagging at the sight in disgust. Joel stands there speechless as he stares at the dangling corpses, you reach for his hand for comfort, and he squeezes your own as you shakily breathe in and out.

You both exit the building, and point your nose up in the air, smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house. You and Joel rush to the source of the grey clouds of smoke and hear the loud door opening, Ellie’s shaken figure dazedly walking away from the scene. Joel swiftly catches up to the teen and grabs her from behind, which causes Ellie to go back into fight mode, she kicks and screams, “No! Get off of me!” She squirms in his arms, screaming and begging, “Get off!” Joel turns her around, and it takes her a bit to calm down and realize it’s you and Joel, “It’s me.” Joel says and Ellie falls to her knees crying, and punching him. He holds Ellie’s head in her hand, saying, “It’s me. Hey, look. It’s me. It’s me. It’s okay.” And Ellie almost can’t speak, as she hugs him, finally feeling safe. At this moment, Joel says, “It’s okay, baby girl. I got you.”

Though not the promised land, nor any perfect plan along your neutral path, there was a single lowered branch. Your ears are ringing at the slightest sound. Like a huge piano descending a million stairs slowly. The noises it produces, however, are only the growing pains of mending. You bring your arms around Ellie, and as the three of you hug, ​​every wrong will be made right, what was adamant, even permanent will have a change of heart and mind. In your disbelief, you'll clear your eyes as if you're seeing light for the very first time. Joel pulls away quickly to remove his jacket to place it over Ellie, holding his backpack in his other hand. The three of you walk away from the smell of smoke, miles away, clutching each other afraid and vulnerable, three panicked souls in the cold, for now, the dissonance disappears.

END NOTES

HORRAY VIOLENCE! (this is a joke- do I need to explain that-) I know, I KNOW THE CHAPTER IS SOOO SHORT PLS THERE WERENT ENOUGH SCENES CALMMMM IM JUST AS SAD but there is only so much I can dOOooo Many songs, quotes, and poems inspired me for this chapter HNGGG THESE WERE VERY VERY exPLICIT AND vIOLENT scenes to write and convey. Some parts of the story were taken from experiences I personally had by literally existing as a woman. The feeling of being unsafe and being taken advantage of is a sad and harsh reality of this world.  YAY FOR TAKING CARE OF JOEL AND GUIDING ELLIE… EVEN THOUGH MF UR STILL INJURED TOO GIRL CHILLLLL RIP HORSEY NOOOOOOOO At first, when I was writing this chapter for both Episodes 7 and 8, I was like, “Fuck, maybe I made a wrong call, Birdie shouldn’t have gotten hurt and should’ve got captured with Ellie.” And then I sat and thought about that for a good 3 hours, and realized that it would be a huge mistake, because Ellie and Joel still needed their resolve, meaning Ellie had to survive on her own for a while. Because there will be times when adults can’t always protect or shield their child from inevitable pain or problems. And essentially, you and Joel already had your own moment last chapter tehe David had it comin’ and only had hiMSELF TO BLAMEEEEE FUCK YOU CREEP, PREDATOR, ABUSER, STINKY MF MAN, YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED yEaHHHH GET HIM ELLIE!  Bella Ramsy shrieking as she drives the knife into his chest multiple times, and then her last note faltering at the end, absolutely shattered every bit of my being, I love her, she’s so fucking talented, 5/5 stars cast mwah <;3 The way I would give literally anYTHING TO BE HUGGED BY PEDRO LIKE THAT IN COMFORT T^T damn aGHHHH hORRAY MORE PARARALALALLELS WITH YOU AND ELLIE! Fighting for your life and your friend's life in that lab, at this point the school should pay for your therapy bill lol fUCK U RICHARD Also, it’s important to note, the night in that lab was a highly traumatic experience for Birdie, so she essentially froze a tiny bit when she felt like it was happening again. feel free to send me an ask if you have any kweschons, quonserns or klarifiqaystions :> - Grace

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[fruity-mega-coconut69]

Too Late

[summary] : After an argument with Tara while at the shrine, you try to help her and her sister defeat The ghostfaces . But neither of you expected to possibly never make up.

[pairings] : Tara Carpenter x Reader

[warnings] : Scream IV. spoilers, blood, Character death, angst, murder, swearing.

A/N: i will be posting pt. 2 of 'Both of Them' tomorow!

When you decided that you would come with your friends of all time to New York, you didn't expect for things to turn out like they did. For example, you and Tara dating.

But there are, of course, bad things too. Like the killers coming after you guys.

You and Tara were sure you were meant to be, even with you knowing about how Chad has a thing for her. You never doubted Tara's love for you and she never doubted yours.

Well that was not entirely true, as of right now you were in an old theatre that Sam's ex Boyfriend made into some kind of shrine. You walked in on Chad and Tara kissing. You were really trying to stay calm and have this conversation as peaceful as possible, but you can't with knowing the killer is probably going to get to you soon and all. It was just so stressful. All of it.

" Okay, Tara. I am going to let you explain what the fuck did i just see, because i really don't want to be mad at you right now " You said as you slowly started walking towards them.

"Hey, Y/N. I-It's my fault, okay? I kissed her ! " Said Chad, trying to explain it to you.

" No, no. It's okay, Chad. Just sit down, okay? " You smiled weakly at him.

" Look it's not my fault okay? i was just.....Talking to him and then he kissed me! I swear. " She says, almost pleading.

Lies

She was lying.

And at that exact moment, you lost it " Then why the fuck, were you kissing him?! " You nearly shouted. She took a step back.

" i was NOT kissing him! Are you blind? You need a pair of glasses? " She snaps back.

You scoff " Oh stop it! I- " You pause, not knowing if you should really continue this.

" What? You can't even speak now? " Says Tara angrily " You should know i wouldn't do that to you! "

" Y-yeah. I-I know. " You stutter out.

"Then what the hell is wrong with you? "

" I-I-"

" Maybe i like chad, huh ? Then what? Or maybe i have never even loved you! I mean fuck! It's pretty hard to put up with your insecure ass 24/7 !" She steps closer to you.

Oh, now she is angry at you?

Sure her words cut deep, tore up scars that have also been healed by her, but she can't be mad at you. " What the Fuck, Tara?! Now you wanna blame it on me? I did nothing! You were the one with your tongue down our childhood friends throat! "

" I didn't mean it, okay? It was an accident! But of fucking course, your depressed, traumatized, un self-confident ass doesn't understand! " This time it was you who took multiple steps back.

She didn't mean it.

Of course she didn't, she loves you. She has just been stressed because of all that shit that's been happening the past days. And as soon as she saw the tears and sadness in your eyes, she quickly came back into reality. She fucked up. She knew it.

When Chad kissed her, she kissed him back. Yes that's true. But she was about to push him away when you walked in on them. Everybody makes mistakes, you should know that. But at that moment both of you were blinded by rage.

" Guys! " You all suddenly hear Sam's voice " It's Kirby! Kirby is Ghost face! " She says and rushes towards you all.

Ghostface suddenly barges in and starts running towards you guys. You try to go in the other direction but there is another Ghostface already standing there, a knife in their hand. You start running down a hallway-like thing the others following closely behind you. You end up in a room with only one door, you start running towards it, but both of the ghostfaces are already there. Chad suddenly speaks up " Go! I will distract them! "

"NO!" Both you and Tara scream at him, you trying to pull him with you, but to no wail.

" Just go! I'll be fine! "

Sam pulls back the both of you and starts dragging you backwards when you all see both of the Ghostfaces stabbing Chad like a billion times " Go " He says weakly as the killers wipe their knifes.

You run as fast as you could 'til you get to the shrine and there you see Kirby stumbling on the stage, you and Tara pick up bricks while Sam has her knife and she says " Step back, Kirby! We know it's you! "

" What? No! One of them knocked me out! " She says. " Look whatever detective Bailey told you, is not true! "

Just in that moment detective Bailey arrives with a gun in his hand " Kirby! You are under arrest! drop your gun! "

" Detective, you know i'm not the killer. Please! "

Suddenly one of the ghostfaces appear behind him " Bailey, behind you! " Kirby tries to shoot the ghostface, but she can't because Detective Bailey shoots her first. We all gasp.

" Ah, well. She was useless anyway!. " He smirks as the other ghostface comes up behind him.

-

You, Tara and Sam were currently climbing up the balcony, trying to get through the boxes. All of a sudden Tara slips and almost fells, but Sam catches her, you also trying to help somehow. " you have to let me go, Sam. " Tara says as your eyes widen and Sam starts shaking her head " Let me go " Tara whispers and glances at the knife on Sam's Pants. Sam understands right away and hands it to her. Sam lets go of Tara's hand and you watch as she pushes the knife down Ethan's throat.

You quickly look away when you hear the footsteps of someone and look at Sam then in the direction of the footsteps and see Quinn slowly walking up to you two " Hey, You got this? " Sam asks as she notices detective Bailey walking towards Tara. You nod.

Sam runs down and you look at Quinn, who is smiling like a maniac. " Well, looks like you are alone now, Y/N. You know i somehow always knew you were gonna die alone and mentally unstable " She laughs " You know what's funny? You weren't even supposed to die " She chuckles lowly.

You look around to see if there is any kind of weapon around you, and to your disappointment you find none. You run towards her, tackaling her to the ground " i am so not dying tonight "

You hit her repeatedly with your fists and her face is slowly turning red from the blood when you feel a stinging pain in your lower torso. You scream out in pain as she starts dragging it upwards. She slowly turns your positions so now, she is on top of you and pulls out the knife " you know, you really could have just stayed home! Then you wouldn't have to die right now " Quinn says with a smile on her face.

" Fuck you " You say and spit blood on her face.

She laughs and thrusts the knife into your chest rapidly and then goes to your stomach, you wait for another train of pain to come. But it never does. You look up to see Quinn down to help her father.

-

You open you eyes to see the same ceiling as the one you last saw before you passed out. Everything hurts, but you somehow still manage to stand up. You hear someone Talking and then starts coughing up blood. You quickly go towards the voices, your vision blurry.

Tara and Sam are having their sister moment, when they hear coughing and someone falling down the balcony they quickly run to you. Tara gasps as she looks at you, and she is fast to sit down and put you head in her lap, as Sam checks for a heartbeat. Anything,

She slowly looks at Tara, a certain sadness in her eyes. Tara is quick to catch on and soon tears all rolling down her cheeks as she sobs, looking down at you. Your lifeless body laying limp in her lap.

She looks up at Sam, who is also crying, and says " I didn't even get to apologize. "

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: well, that was pretty shitty. But i probably should go to sleep. byee.

[femslashfeb]

HELLO ALL

TLDR

No reblogging from the blog this year - posting prompts tomorrow the 31st

For the past few years I've very much struggled with reblogging everyone's activity in the tag. So this year I will not be doing so.

(OR maybe I will? I just don't want to commit)

Even if I knew how to make a bot that reblogs - a lot of people still use the unique tag to tag outside challenges. So I've always had to hand submit. However it became too stressful for me and for the past few years I ended up avoiding it until later weeks or even months.

If you noticed I didn't finish reblogging last year so- I've just given up on that.

Honestly I've struggled a lot with depression for the last 7 years or so. It's been harder and harder to find my way back to tumblr. It doesn't help that my phone can barely handle the amount of apps it already has.

My main account @puff-pink hardly ever updates because of my big sad. And I don't know if I'll ever get back on the horse in the same way I did before.

Some of you know me as an artist, and tho I still churn out subpar art for my day-job I've struggled a lot to make art for myself during my depression. Partially because one year I overworked my hand - and still deal in continual wrist aches. Even the weeks I don't pick up a drawing tool.

I intended this challenge for myself and maybe the small fandoms I was in at the time. But it took off among writers and creators of all types across all fandoms.

One year I even tried to tally the most popular fandoms but there were honestly too many to keep track of- and I stopped after the first three pages of submissions.

I don't claim to have invented the concept of FemSlash February. Before I started the prompts I swear I had heard the phrase somewhere. Tho not sure where. Perhaps it had been amongst my friends on Skype. Back when I had online friends and Skype(I'm still not sold on Discord🤷‍♀️).

However that January I thought it would be fun to partake in a challenge of some kind. But scouring tumblr and the general internet. I could only find half hearted efforts on fanfiction sites from years past.

I'm so proud of all my Sapphic creators on here that have partaken every year. Even if I've never shown favoritism or awarded anyone. I do notice those that actually complete the challenge AND those that keep coming back each year(looking at you H20 writer(I don't remember your username but there's a mermaid writer that's a writing machine)). I truly am proud of you especially in my shriveled state of creativity. Thank you for your efforts. For your hype. And for your love of women of all kinds across all the universes.

Each year I'm surprised to find even more categories I never thought to include. From mood boards, to doll photography, to ofc the classic art and writing. May your pencils forever be in union with your sister mediums.

On that note. There is a strict NO AI GENERATED ART or writing this year.

Not that I could physically stop anyone who does use AI. But I do not want that sort of thing associated with this challenge. It's become scarily good in 2023 to the point it can't always be identified. So I simply ask for the honor system when it comes to AI generated creations.

That being said. If you've made it to the end of this post:

Prompts will be posted tomorrow.

I usually prefer to give yall more of a buffer, but I've been busy. Both with Big Sad, rescuing some feral cats, my own life, errands, chores and work.

If you're still here- here is a preview of the first three days.

FEB 1 - black

FEB 2 - spring

FEB 3 - cake

The 14th as usual will be some sort of Valentine romance type theme(haven't decided specifically yet) and as always there will be a Rest Day.

Expect some repeat prompts. In the past I tried to avoid them but idc anymore.

It's also a Leap Year this year so expect one extra prompt to throw off the symmetry of what's normally 28 days.

Thanks for coming back this year. And thank you to those that still check on this blog.

❤️🧡🤍💜🩷

Keep loving girls

-PuffPink

[dbnightingale24]

You’ve Always Been My Dream

An Andy Barber One Shot

(Best friend’s Dad)

~~

~~

I promise that I genuinely mean it when I say that I’m going to update and finish all of my stories, but my brain never shuts up and I’m always coming up with new ideas, so now you all have this. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I hope you all enjoy it. Jacob’s best friend falling for his dad? My brain couldn’t just let this be a simple ‘porn with a plot’ type of deal. Nope, we’re about to have a whole fucking saga. Enjoy!

Word Count: 40,641

Warnings: Family drama, Age gap, Swearing, Drinking, Infidelity, Drinking, Arguing, Fluff, Angst, Mentions of gambling, SMUT (MINORS GET AWAY), Unprotected Sex (reader is on birth control, but it’s not mentioned), Daddy kink, hints of BDSM, Anxiety, Depression, Sexual assault (teacher makes a move without consent),...I’m sure I missed something, but I can’t think of it right now.

@fuckingbye​, thank you for my kick ass mood board! I love you so much! Also, looking forward to the next time I can tackle you with a hug and not let go.

Song(s) That Inspired This Story: How Do I Make You Want Me? (And Make It Last Eternally?)

Summary: You didn’t expect to be a staple in Jacob’s life, and with the way Laurie kept Andy on a leash, you NEVER expected to become a staple in Andy’s life. However, life has a way of turning things around and changing everything you thought you knew.

I do not give consent/permission for my stories/ works to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“You never come over anymore,” Jacob scoffs as drives you home from a night out with him and Sarah.

“I just have a lot going on,” you defend, looking out the window as you fidget with your fingers.

“Did something happen? Did my mom do something?”

“What? No! Nothing! I really just am busy. I know I’m not in college like you and Sarah, but I still have a job.”

“No, I know that...you know what I mean, Y/N. You used to come over all the time-”

“I didn’t even start coming to your house till I was 17.”

“And from 17-22, you would come over all the time. Now, getting you to come over is like pulling teeth.”

“I just...I don’t want to get too comfortable with your family. We come from two different worlds and-”

“You know my parents love you.”

“It’s not that it’s just...it’s really easy to get caught up in the world of the Barbers, and I don’t want to do that. Your parents automatically include me in everything, spend money on me as if it’s not a big deal, and I just...I need to remember my place.”

“So you’re mad at my parents for having money?”

“Jacob, why are you giving me a hard time about this?”

“Because I miss hanging out with my best friend!”

“You can hangout with me anywhere!”

“It’s easier for us to hangout at my parent’s house, cause I have a shit tone of papers to work on, and the last thing I need is a distraction.”

“Jacob-”

“If something happened, you know you tell me,” he says with a sincere sigh as he pulls up to your Mother’s house.

“I know I can, but nothing did happen. I’ll come over tomorrow after I get off work, okay?” you mutter in pure annoyance and defeat as you look out the window and see your Mother’s car isn’t in the driveway. “I wonder what club she’s at tonight.”

“How is it that she has time to go out all the time, but no time to find a fucking job?” Jacob questions, and it’s not hard to spot the disdain in his voice.

“Well, ya see, when my Father left, he was nice enough to leave some of the money he won. Why work when you can go to a club and find a nice rich man to bankroll you?”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. Everyone in my fucking family sucks, no big deal. I’ll be out by the end of the month, which is less than a week away.”

“It’s still fucked up.”

“Jacob, I’m not going to sit here and stomp my feet about it. We went from being dirt poor, to having entirely too much money, to both of my parents showing their true colors. I don’t care, I just want to get away from all of this shit.”

“Does he at least try and see you?”

“Every fucking weekend.”

“You should at least talk to him.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Y/N-”

“He won his money, bought this house, got a new little girlfriend, moved out overnight, then served my Mom with divorce papers out of the blue. Divorce papers that your Father gave her. My dad can go fuck himself,” you spit.

“Have you told your mom you’re moving out?”

“No because fuck her.”

Jacob waits a beat before he says anything. “See? This is why you should come over more often! We have so much to talk about!” Jacob laughs and you chuckle softly.

“Tomorrow, I promise,” you smile before leaning over and giving him a small kiss on the cheek, “text me when you get home?”

“I always do.”

“Thanks for tonight, I need it,” you nod before getting out of his car.

You close the door and quickly make your way up the stairs, doing your best to avoid the Massachusetts chill, waiving once more at Jacob before disappearing inside the house.

“Hello?” you call out, knowing that you’ll be met with complete and total silence.

When no one answers, you roll your eyes with a scowl before heading into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of vodka out of the freezer. You don’t bother to grab a glass, opting to just take the whole bottle before you make your way upstairs, and hide away in your bedroom. You’ll never tell Jacob, but hanging out with him always makes you feel small.

Well, that and what actually happened.

You take a swig from the bottle before laying down and thinking about the entirety of your friendship with Jacob, thus far.

“Hey, just ignore them,” you said as you nudged Jacob’s shoulder, trying to make him feel less humiliated because of all the attention.

“Everyone here thinks I’m a killer so-”

“I don’t,” you offer with a small smile, as you try and usher you both through the hallways of 10th grade.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because I know what it’s like to have people never be nice to you,” you smiled weakly. “The people of Newton are just as sweet as they are cruel.”

“You must be new here.”

“I know who you are, Jacob. Wanting a bully dead doesn’t make you a bad guy, it just makes you honest.”

“And you are?”

“I’m Y/N,” you smiled as the bell rang for third period.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he smiled sheepishly.

“You too,” you smiled, outstretching your hand to shake his.

From that moment on, you two were inseparable. You were 15, he was 16, but he was only older than you by a few months. The first handful of times he’d asked to come over and hangout, you’d told him no because you have work. You could tell he didn’t believe you, so one Monday, you decided to bring him along with you to the library. After that, his parents wanted you to start coming around, because ever since that day, Jacob started looking for a job.

“I don’t get why it’s such a big deal,” you laughed as you two walked to your locker “teenagers have jobs.”

“I don’t.”

“Yeah, but you also don’t like to leave the house. Besides, doesn’t Sarah have a job?”

“Why do you think they love her so much?”

“Well, for as honored as I am, you know why I have to work. I help pay the bills.”

“After-”

“After, I go home and finish up my homework.”

“Have you thought about college at all?”

“I don’t have good enough grades for a scholarship and there’s no way I can afford it, and continue to help out.”

“They’re grants and you can apply for loans-”

“So I can have to deal with years and years of debt? No thanks,” you scoffed as you two made your way to your way to the lunchroom.

“Well, there’s always-”

“Jacob, it’s fine, honestly.I’ll graduate from this hellhole and get a job as a temp or something. Eventually, I’ll move out of this stupid town and won’t have to think about any of this shit anymore...where’s Sarah?”

“We got into an argument.”

“Please don’t tell me it was over me again.”

“She just needs to spend time with you.”

“WE’RE JUST FRIENDS!”

“Hey, I’m sitting at the same table as you, no need to shout.”

“It’s just so infuriating. Besides, if she paid any attention to the rumors, she’d know you’re too young.”

“Yeah, you need someone around my dad’s age,” he smirked.

“Exactly,” you laughed, stealing a fry off of his plate.

Little did you know, that joke would come back to bite you in the ass later in life.

Nonetheless, Jacob convinced Sarah to go to lunch with you two. After just 5 minutes of being around you two, Sarah realized that she had absolutely nothing to worry about, and almost instantly fell into rhythm the debate you and Jacob had been having for weeks:

Which is better? French fries or mozzarella sticks, and why?

After that, things seemed to finally calm down. You went to school, you went to work, you came home, listened to your parents argue about money and whose fault it was that there was none of it, and you went to bed.

For as great as everything was, there was still one issue: you still hadn’t met Jacob’s parents.

“You didn’t come to my birthday over the summer-”

“I apologized for that.”

“I know, but my parents are starting to think I made you up.”

“Sarah can vouch for you on that.”

“Y/N-”

“Why do you need me to meet them? I don’t do well with parents.”

“Why not?”

“The moms hate me and the dads wanna fuck me. I tend to just stay away from parents. I barely talk to my own.”

“My parents aren’t anything like that and you know it.”

“Jacob.”

“You missed my birthday, you didn’t come over for the holiday party-”

“You’re not going to drop this until I agree to come over for your graduation celebration, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Ugh, fuck you, Barber.”

“June 16th at 1. Thank you,” he smiled before he walked off.

You knew you were paranoid, but the rumors always lived rent free in your head and the stares and judging glances never stopped.

There have been so many variations of what actually happened that day your 9th grade year, that you’re shocked you remember what actually happened. Yes, you do have a thing for older men, but you were never dumb enough to actually go after one. Your curves had come in by the time you were in 7th grade, which meant that it wasn’t hard for you to catch anyone’s eye. So, it came as no surprise when you caught the eye of your 9th grade History teacher, Mr. Matthews.

Everyone’s favorite teacher.

It didn’t matter that he had approached you first, it didn’t matter that you asked him to stop sending you unsolicited dick pics, and it didn’t matter that you pushed him off of you when he kissed you. What did matter was that your “friends” had heard you say multiple times that you couldn’t wait to get older so that you could date older men, it mattered that you were often referred to as one if the prettiest girls in school, and what mattered was that everyone knew you weren’t a virgin.

When you finally found the courage to go to the principle and tell her what happened, showing her all the pictures and texts, it didn’t matter that there was proof that you didn’t want it. What mattered was that you got everyone’s favorite teacher fired.

After that, your friends stop calling and coming around, dads started looking you over more often when they picked up their kids from school, and mothers didn’t want their sons dating “such a tramp” (as one mother so lovingly put it).  

Almost over night, you became a recluse. You worked as much as possible, you stayed in the library on your free periods, and when you weren’t too burnt out, you did your homework. By the time Jacob Barber came back to school, you had become such a recluse you barely paid attention to the fact that he was in your class. However, the site of someone shoving him into a locker and calling him a “murderous fucking psycho” broke your heart. You two bonded on being outcasts and bullied, and that’s how you two ended up being best friends.

“The Barbers seem like nice people, sweetheart,” your mother encouraged as she helped you style your hair.

“I just-”

“Listen, those fuck heads at the school are just that: fuck heads. Not everyone is going to see you in the light that they see you in. You didn’t do anything wrong-”

“I know I didn’t, but still.”

“Just relax, you’re gonna have a great time,” she reassured you as she placed her hands on your shoulders.

As luck would have it, Mr. Barber wasn’t there when you went to Jacob’s party. Jacob said he got called into work or something and that he wouldn’t be home until later. Laurie was unfailingly kind in her words and very welcoming, but her eyes told you differently. She would look you over and you knew she was trying to decide if you had been telling the truth all those years ago. You tried to talk yourself out of it, but the fact that whenever you came over Mr. Barber was always gone let you know that you weren’t being delusional.

But, you got over it.

Laurie was always nice to your face and she never stopped you from being friends with Jacob. As far as you were concerned, everything was fine for the most part.

Then, as fate would have it, your father hit the lotto of all things. He was quick to pack up the little bit that you all had and moved you all into a house only a few blocks away from the Barbers. You thought that would be the end of the arguing, but that somehow only made it worse. You kept hoping that they’d work it out, but one day you woke up and all of his things were gone. The next day, your mother answered the door to Andy Barber serving her divorce papers.

You practically lived in Jacob’s room for a month after that.

The only thing that made it worse? Your Father had been in a relationship with another woman for months. So, your Mother took the money that he left and decided to spend it on herself. You didn’t matter at all anymore. New purses, a new car, a shit ton of alcohol, new clothes, she just kept buying whatever she wanted and sleeping with whoever she wanted.

You were left to navigate through all of the bullshit by yourself.

You would have thought that with the news of what happened with your parents, and what your Father did, you would have found some favor with Laurie.

You didn’t.

While she started buying you things for the holidays and your birthdays (always signing them from both her and Andy), invited you over for holiday dinners, offered to let you throw celebrations for your birthday at the Barber household, but she still never wanted Andy around when you were there. Yeah, it hurt that she still didn’t trust you after so much time had passed, but you let it go. As long as you didn’t have to hear about her hating you, it was easy for you to pretend that she genuinely cared about you and that Andy was an extremely busy man.

See,the thing is, Laurie desperately wanted to like you but she just couldn’t.

You were kind, respectful, thoughtful, patient, and extremely caring. Yes, you loved Jacob and looked out for him when you two were out in public, but in a way, that made her even more wary. You never showed any interest in Jacob and he was completely wrapped up in Sarah. It didn’t help that half the time Jacob went out with you, he’d come home completely shit faced and alone. When she’d ask where you were in the morning, Jacob was always truthful and said “I don’t know, she went home with some guy she met at the bar.”

Yeah, Laurie wanted to like you, but just couldn’t bring herself to for a number of reasons, and you told yourself you were fine with it.

Until you overheard a conversation in their kitchen a year ago.

“Would you mind grabbing beers from downstairs?” Jacob asked as his eyes stayed glued to the screen in front him.

You don’t know how many times you’ve seen ‘Borat’ at this point, but you could quote it line for line. A talent you weren’t necessarily proud of.

“It’s your house.”

“It’s my parents house.”

“Even more reason for you to go and get it.”

“Y/N come on, this my favorite part!”

“You owe me, Barber,” you muttered before you got up and quickly made out of the room.

It’s not like you meant to creep downstairs, but you knew how Laurie felt about you, and Jacob had invited you over unannounced because he just wanted to hangout and was worn out from college.

You were more than ready to run into the kitchen then run back upstairs, but the voices you heard coming from the kitchen made you come to a complete stop.

“Laurie, this is fucking ridiculous! She’s our son’s best friend and I’ve never even met the girl!” Andy snapped in a hushed tone.

“You saw her at graduation!”

“That’s bullshit and you know it! The fact is you still have this idea about some stupid revenge!”

“Why wouldn’t you? And why not with her?! The whole town knows-”

“Jesus! She was a fucking child when that happened, and she very clearly didn’t-”

“She was a child then but she isn’t now!”

“Do you hear how fucking crazy you sound?!”

You leaned in a little bit more than you meant to and quickly took a step to regain your balance, but the floor creaked and you instantly knew you were found out, so instead of trying to run off in the other direction, you walked into the kitchen as if you’d just gotten there.

“Oh Y/N! How’s Borat?” Laurie smiled with a small laugh as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Same as its always is,” you chuckled awkwardly as you made your way to the fridge “sorry to interrupt though, Jacob just wanted me to grab a few beers.”

“As silly as it sounds, you’ve never met Andy! Andy meet-”

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” he smiled at you sincerely as he outstretched his hand.

“I get it, you’ve been extremely busy, it’s not a problem at all,” you smiled sheepishly before taking his outstretched hand and shaking it.

He didn’t look you over, he didn’t ogle you, and he didn’t give you a suggestive smirk. Instead, his eyes let you know that he was sorry. He knew you’d heard what they had been talking about and he felt embarrassed and awful.

It made your heart flutter just a little.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” you laughed awkwardly before letting go of his hand and opening the fridge, accidentally grabbing the entire six pack “I should get back to Jake.”

“Y/N, what you heard tonight-” Laurie started as you shook your head.

“I didn’t hear a thing,” you lied with a sincere smile before exiting and making your way back upstairs.

“What took you so long?” Jacob asked as you closed the door to his room.

“I finally got to meet your dad,” you chuckled nervously as you handed him a beer.

“It’s about fucking time,” he chuckled as he took the beer from you. “How’d that go?”

‘Well you know....me and parents.”

“Oh God, were they weird? Was he weird?”

“No, it was just me, like always,” you lied before almost completely downing an entire bottle of beer. “Hey, do your parents argue a lot?”

“All the fucking time,” he scoffed as if it were not a big deal.

“What about?” you questioned before you finished off your beer and grabbed a second; wasting no time in opening another one before you took a giant swig from it.

“Anything, honestly. My dad went through this really bad depression the summer before I met you. He was drunk every day, never wanted to leave the house unless it was for work...him and my mom were fighting a lot. Sometimes over me and sometimes over him and the secrets he decided to keep. Anyway, since then, they’ve been arguing about everything. For the last 3 or 4 years, they’ve been arguing about some girl.”

“Oh?”

“My mother swears that my father is out on some revenge quest with some young woman, and she lays into him about it every chance she gets.”

“Do you know who?”

“Nah, I just know she works at a library or something,” he shrugged.

You loved Jacob so much, but sometimes he could be a complete and total fucking idiot.

“Well,” you started before downing the entire second bottle “I’ve gotta get going.”

“What?!” Jacob exclaimed as he paused the movie. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I just have to get back.”

“To what? You know she’s drunk at some club-”

“I have work tomorrow, Jake. At the library,” you muttered, hoping to drop the hint that you were the girl his parents had been arguing about for years.

“That’s not until the afternoon!”

“I’m working the full day, I need the money.”

“Y/N, did something happen down there?”

“I promise everything is fine,” you lied with a reassuring smile “I’ll call you when I get home.”

“At least let me drive you home.”

“It’s a short walk, I’ll be fine,” you laughed as you grabbed another beer and got up. “I’ll call you when I get home,” you repeated before you walked out.

You quickly made your way downstairs and practically ran out the door, pretending you didn’t hear Laurie when she called after you.

From that day on, you’ve barely ever stepped foot inside the Barber household. When you’d run into Laurie at the grocery store, you’d make polite small talk and pretend you didn’t know how little she actually thought of you, and you went out of your way to avoid Andy.

In Laurie’s defense, if you were her, you’d have anxiety about women trying to steal your husband all the time.

Besides the fact that he’s annoyingly good at his job, Andy Barber is insanely attractive. Girls throw themselves him, guys envy him, and you’d overheard a few women at school talk about how they changed their workout routines just so they could catch a glimpse of him swimming. Women wanted Andy and they didn’t try to hide it. So, when some young woman comes along, who’s never shied away from the fact that she likes older men, of course she threw all logic out the window and decided to keep her husband as far away as possible.

So, out of respect and not wanting to cause more stress for Jacob, you stayed away. The last time you saw him was the beginning of the month.

“I feel like you’re busier than usual,” Sarah commented as the three of you hung out in the living room.

Sarah was cuddled up against Jacob on one side of the sofa, and you were laid out on the other side, half paying attention to the movie playing.

“That’s because I am,” you groaned as she chuckled.

“Well, why don’t you slow up? The library can’t possibly need you as much.”

“I’m not working there anymore.”

“Oh? And why weren’t we told?”

“Because it’s a surprise!” you whined as they both start to laugh.

“Well,” Jacob started as he turned his attention towards you “now you have to tell us.”

“It’s a surprise!”

“Nope, we gotta know. It’s gonna bother us all night.”

“You both suck, I hope you know that,” you scowled as they both continued to laugh “I started working as a secretary at that advertising agency not far from the college.”

“Sloman and Brothers? Well look at you!” Jacob exclaimed. “The next time we all go out, dinner will be on you!”

“You say this as if I don’t have bills.”

“Your Mother is still making you help out?”

“No, I’m finally getting my own place.”

“SERIOUSLY?!”

“Yes,” you laughed as you felt his genuine happiness and love for you.

“That’s great, I’m happy for you,” Mr. Barber’s voice came from behind, which caused you to jump and sit straight up.

“I thought you guys were gonna go out for dinner,” Jacob said casually, not paying to your complete change in your demeanor.

Sarah did though.

“Change of plans,” Laurie smiled, but you could see irritation in her eyes. Whether it was towards you or Mr. Barber you couldn’t tell, but Jacob’s eyeroll let you know it was directed towards Mr. Barber. “Andy’s right though, Y/N. That’s amazing and we’re so happy for you.”

“Thank you,” you smiled awkwardly before you got up “but I should be going now.”

“What? The movie isn’t even halfway over!” Jacob protested.

“I know, but I do have work tomorrow, and I have to get boxes to start packing my stuff in, it’s not a lot but still.”

“Actually, Y/N is making a good point. I think I’m gonna head out. I can give you a ride back to your place.”

“What the fuck?!” Jacob snapped.

“Jacob!” Laurie reprimanded.

“Watch it, bud,” Andy warned.

“Jacob, it’s fine. You’re picking me up after work tomorrow, we’ll hangout then.”

“Yeah fine,” he huffed before standing up and giving her a small hug and a kiss on the lips. “I love you, let me know when you’re home safe, okay?”

“I always do,” she smiled at him.

“And you,” he nodded as he turned towards you “don’t start packing without me.”

“As if I have anyone else to call,” you teased with a soft small.

“Hey, finish up that paper. I know it’s a pain but you’re almost done and it’s due tomorrow,” Sarah reminded him and you sighed, knowing what was coming next.

“Jacob, we pay your tuition and you barely work.There’s no reason for that paper to not be done already,” Laurie snapped as Andy ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“It’s almost done,” Jacob scowled.

“You shouldn’t be doing anything until that paper is done!”

“Stop it, Laurie.” Andy sighed

“Stay out of it, Andy!”

“Stay out of it? He’s my son too!” Andy shouted back.

“Okay, I’m gonna grab a fucking beer, then I’m going to work on this fucking paper. I love you both, enjoy your night cause I sure as shit won’t,” Jacob all but growled before storming out of the living room and into the kitchen.

“Um, bye Mr. And Mrs. Barber,” Sarah said sheepishly before heading out.

You followed right behind, giving them both a small wave. Jacob was about to have the night from hell and you felt awful.

“I shouldn’t have said anything, I feel like an asshole,” Sarah practically cried as you two got into her car.

“It’s not your fault, Laurie was angry the minute she set foot through the door. Whether it was with me or Andy-”

“Yeah, what’s going on there?” Sarah asked as she started her car.

“Something tells me you’re not taking me home, are we?” you groaned as you slumped down in the seat.

“Nope, we’re going to talk about this all of this over dinner.”

For the next hour, you told Sarah all about your friendship with Jacob and how Laurie had been silently against it from the beginning, but would never say anything about it to your face. When you told her about the conversation you’d overheard between her and Andy a year ago, she was understandably pissed.

“She seriously believes that you seduced Mr. Matthews?” she snapped.

“I honestly don’t know if she believes I did or that if she’s just afraid that now that I’m older, I’ll go after Andy. Mind you, tonight’s the second time I’ve ever seen the fucking man.”

“Wait, what?”

“Laurie makes sure to keep him out of the house and away when she knows I’m coming over. The first night we finally fucking met was an accident. Jacob invited me over to watch ‘Borat’ and didn’t tell Laurie first. Hence the quiet argument in the kitchen.”

“That’s such fucking bullshit! I mean, I kind of had an idea that something was wrong when he told me that his parents had been fighting about a girl that worked in a library, I kinda assumed it was you, but I had no idea it was this fucking ridiculous. I’m gonna take a guess and assume that Jacob knows nothing about this?”

“Of course not. I’ll never tell him about the conversation because it’ll only make things worse for him at home, but he’s never going to put the library thing together,” you scoffed as the waiter dropped off the second round of drinks.

“Yeah, I love the man, but he can be so clueless at times,” she chuckled before taking a sip of her margarita. “Can I ask you something? And please don’t take it as-”

“You can ask me anything, Sarah,” you laughed.

“Do you have a crush on Mr. Barber? I mean, I know you find older men attractive and-”

“I don’t know the man,” you laughed with a shrug “I mean, I’m not blind; the man is gorgeous, but that doesn’t mean I have a crush on him. Would I have a one night stand with him? Who wouldn’t? However, he��s married and Jacob’s dad, and I’d never put Jacob through more hell than hes already been through.”

“You really do love him, don’t you?”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him,” you smiled softly.

“Have you tried dating guys our age?”

“Yeah, and it sucked,” you chuckled. “I don’t know, I just don’t have anything in common with guys our age.”

“There’s Jacob.”

“Yeah, but I don’t feel that way towards Jacob. You know that.”

“No, I’m saying that if you can have fun and enjoy someone our age, the way you do with Jacob, why not try it with someone else and try out dating them?”

“I’m just always bored with guys our age, I don’t know how to explain it. The conversation is boring, the sex is bad, and there’s no spark. Just a dull fucking flame,” you muttered before taking a sip of your Mai Tai.

“Are you the type of woman who calls a man ‘Daddy’?” she giggled.

“Only if he works for it,” you smirked as she burst out laughing.

The rest of the dinner went great and you told Sarah (and yourself) that would all be sorted soon enough.

You’re just hoping and praying that you’ll be able to keep Jacob in the dark long enough until you get out.

Your mother coming home and giggling at something the guy who brought her home says, pulls you out of your thoughts. You take another giant swig from the bottle before closing it; settling under your covers and quickly finding your way to sleep land.

It can’t always rain...right?

**

The hard knock on your front door brings a smile to your face and you run downstairs to answer it, happy to finally get the fuck out of the hellhole your father purchased.

Also referred to as a house.

“Okay, so basically everything is packed and...oh?” you stop when you open the door and see Jacob standing there...with Andy.

“Yeah,” Jacob laughs as he makes his way inside “it’s Saturday and he has nothing better to do. Wasn’t hard to convince to help me move a few desks.”

“Where’s Mrs. Barber?”

“Oh, she’s out to lunch with some friends. When’s your mom gonna be back?”

“She’ll be gone all day. Apparently the last guy she brought home really stuck,” you scoff before turning to Andy “thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” he smiles at you. “How many desks are we moving?”

“2 desks, 2 drawers, and 1 closet.”

“And how you were you two planning on doing that alone?”

“Hope, Mr. Barber. A lot of hope,” you smirk as he laughs.

Jacob and Andy are quick to grab the desks, drawers, and closet, while you finish boxing up the last few things you have. It’s sad that you don’t even feel a little upset about leaving. You only feel relief.

Andy volunteers to drive the moving truck, while Jacob drives his car and you drive your own.

And just like that, you’re all moved out. It’s like you were never even there.

“Y/N, this place is amazing!” Jacob exclaims as the three of you make your way inside your new place.

“I still can’t believe it’s mine,” you snort.

“I’m so happy for you!”

“I’ll be happy once I deal with my mom. God knows how long it’ll take for her to figure out that I’m gone,” you mutter.

“Hey, lets not worry about that right now. Lets get you moved in,” he smiles at you, and you can’t help but smile back.

As you all unloaded the truck, you take notice of how much Jacob is checking on Andy, and how hard he’s working to make him laugh and smile. You also notice how upset and worn out he seems, even though he tries to hide it.

“Hey,” you call to Jacob after Andy steps out, going to get another box “what’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” he lies with a soft chuckle “just excited-”

“Jake, you know better.”

“I don’t wanna dampen your day.”

“You not telling me will dampen my day, cause I’ll be worried.”

“I wish they’d get a fucking divorce already,” he sighs, leaning against the wall.

“Who? Your parents?”

“All they fucking do is fight, and if my mom’s real pissed, she takes it out on me. I don’t see the point of them staying together anymore, because it really is just for show at this point. I don’t even know why she’s so mad all the time. She’s been angry ever since everything happened and it just feels like it never went away. The only reason I even fucking stayed home for college was to lookout for him. Remember I told you about the really bad depression he went through a little while back?  He was always drunk, never left the house, cried a lot? She would just...she holds all these fucking grudges. Things she needs to let go of, but refuses to. He stays because he loves her and he feels like he owes me something.”

“Are you mad at him?”

“I mean...I was. Everything was happening at once, I was on trial for murder, and I was just a kid. I was angry, but I got older and I understood. My dad’s not a bad guy. He loves the shit out of me and my mom, and he cares about people in his own way. No, he isn’t some patron saint, but he they’re people with far worse dads than mine. A good example? His own dad. I don’t know, he just doesn’t deserve this.”

“Be that as it may, you can’t make yourself miserable over the problems of two grown adults.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“We’re standing in the middle of my brand new apartment. I am one to talk, babe,” you smirk at him and he laughs softly. “Listen, I really don’t anything about your dad other than that he loves the hell out of you. He wouldn’t want you making yourself miserable for all of this, and you can’t make him leave your mom. It has to be a decision he makes on his own.”

“I just feel guilty.”

“Trust me, I completely understand, but there’s really nothing more you can do besides be there for him when he needs or wants to talk. You don’t have to stay in that house to do that.”

“I hate it when you’re right.”

“So...all the time?”

“Fuck you,” he laughs as you wrap in him in a hug.

“It’s gonna be okay, Jake.”

“Thank you.”

“Always,” you smile as you two break apart.

“Forgot my phone, I have a call to make,” Andy chuckles with a shake of his head as he makes his way back into your apartment,

You two make eye contact for a split second, but it’s long enough to let you know that you heard everything that was just discussed.

Fuck.

He doesn’t say a thing about it and acts as if he didn’t hear anything, but you still feel bad. You hope and pray that he doesn’t think that you’re coming off as judgmental and rude, because that’s the last thing you want. You just want to be there for Jacob because he needs it. All he has (outside of his parents) are you and Sarah, and you want to make sure that he knows that he can have better if he really wants to.

So can Andy.

By the time all the boxes and furniture are setup, you’re all beat.

“I feel like I should buy you both dinner,” you smile halfheartedly at the Barber men who just laugh in response.

“We should be buying you dinner,” Andy retorts.

“No! You both spent your Saturday helping me move in! It’s the least-”

“You’re a young woman moving into her first apartment on her own, with no help from anyone, and at a young age. It’s a big deal. What’s your favorite place to get food from?” Andy asks with a sincere smile.

You ignore the butterflies in your stomach as you focus on the correct answer to his question. “Um, you know the Chinese place not too far from your job? Great Dynasty?”

“I love that place! They have the best dumplings!”

“They do!”

“Should I step out while you two have a moment?” Jacob laughs and you flip him off.

Andy takes everyone’s order, and you laugh when the both of you almost end up getting the same thing, and Jacob promises to be the one to pick it up since Andy ordered. You find your record player easily enough and pull out your favorite The Clash album, before asking the both of them what they want to drink.

“Keep in mind, you both have to drive,” you smirk as you pour yourself a glass of whiskey.

“You like the Clash, you favor whiskey, you have great taste in Chinese food, and you love black and white movies?”

“And how would you know that I love black and white movies?” you chuckle as you cock an eyebrow.

“Jacob has a big mouth,” Andy mumbles.

“You make me watch them all the time!” Jacob defends.

“And how many times have I had to sit through ‘Borat’? I don’t wanna hear it,” you shoot back before sticking your tongue out at him.

“This is turning out to be a lot more fun than I thought it would be,” Andy laughs “do you have bourbon?”

“I raided my mom’s liquor cabinet, so I have everything,” you smile before turning to Jacob “except beer.”

“Why are you always against me?” he grumbles as you and Andy burst out laughing. “I’ll go buy some and by the time I’m back, the food should be just arriving.”

“You can calculate time when it comes to school, but in high school...”

“Watch it,” he warns and you giggle.

“Either of you want anything?” he questions, grabbing Andy’s car fob off the kitchen island.

“Chips and salsa, please,” you smile at him.

“You can’t live off chips and salsa.”

“Watch me,” you smirk and he chuckles “and wear your damn seat belt.”

“Jake!” Andy snaps.

“It’s only sometimes!” he quickly counters before turning to you “traitor.”

“You shouldn’t be driving around without it!”

“I swear, you’re such a mom,” he scowls before turning his attention back to Andy “you be nice to her.”

“I’m always nice, it’s your mother you have to worry about,” Andy mutters and you almost choke on your whiskey.

“Fair point,” Jacob scoffs before walking out.

Leaving you all alone with Andy Barber.

“Well, this is awkward,” Andy smirks and a small giggle escapes your lips as you pour him a drink.

“Only a little bit.”

“Listen, about Laurie-”

“You don’t have to-”

“I do, because you don’t deserve to feel like you’re the problem, cause you’re not. I know that you heard what she said that night and I’m sorry. It was...rude, disgusting, and wrong. You’ve been nothing but a great friend to Jacob, and I don’t know why...you were a child-”

“I’m not one now,” you scoff with an eye roll before taking a sip of your drink.

“Is it bad that this is the third time I’ve seen you and I feel terrible?”

“You have no reason to feel terrible. Honestly, neither does Laurie. I see how women look at you and how they talk about you, and then there’s me: your sons best friend, with a reputation. Whether it’s true or not, doesn’t matter because the seed has already been planted. She’s just trying to-”

“She’s trying to make sure I don’t do to her what she did to me,” he mutters before he can stop himself. He quickly looks at you with shock in his eyes “forget you heard-”

“I won’t tell Jacob,” you tell him reassuringly, but your heart breaks a little and he can tell.

“She only did it the one time, it was after the trial and she had her doubts and reservations. She’s not a bad-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself or your marriage to me. You see my family, I’m not about to start throwing stones.”

“I just don’t want you to think the worst of her. I heard what you told Jacob-”

“I wasn’t trying to tell him to abandon you-”

“No, I know, I just...you’re right, he can’t fix what’s wrong between Laurie and I. I wish I had known he stayed just for me. I would’ve told him to go to Yale. Did you know that he was accepted into Yale?”

“He was accepted into a lot of colleges. He read and showed me every single acceptance letter.”

“If I’m honest, I thought he stayed for you. I’ve always believed he’s in love with you.”

“Everyone seems to think that. We’re just friends though. I should want to be with him, but it’s just not...he’s not my type.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing,” you laugh before taking another sip of your drink “I’m not his type either. We’re best friends.”

“I can’t imagine you not being someones type....I don’t mean to be-”

“You’re fine,” you chuckle softly.

“You’re oddly calming to talk to.”

“Jacob always says that.”

“So,” he starts as he clears his throat, taking a seat “I feel like I have a lot to learn about you.”

“There’s really nothing to know,” you laugh “I have two friends, I don’t talk to my parents much, I work a lot, I tend to drink a bit too much at times, I have a horrible sleep schedule, I drink entirely too much coffee, I love to cook, I laugh entirely too loud when I think something is funny, and I cry every time I watch ‘Titanic’,” you finish with a smile before finishing off your drink and pouring yourself another glass as Andy laughs.

“I’m sure there’s more to you than that.”

“I’m as plain as they come.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to pay closer attention and find out for myself.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Where does Mrs. Barber think you are? Couldn’t help but notice that you weren’t there on Tuesday.”

“She thinks I’m working,” he sighs as finishes off his own drink and pouring himself another. “I feel awful-”

“Why? You haven’t done anything wrong. You didn’t say it, she did.”

“I should’ve stood up to her.”

You take a minute before you speak. “Mr. Barber-”

“Andy. Please call me Andy. ‘Mr. Barber’ makes me feel like an old man. Just because I am one doesn’t mean I wanna feel like one.”

“You’re not old but okay,” you chuckle softly “Andy, I don’t wanna overstep, but...you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. You don’t owe anyone anything. Jacob talks about you all the time, you’re his hero. You did what you thought was best and I can’t fault you for that. Hell, I wish no one knew about what my dad did and all it was, was cheat and be an asshole. I just...from the way Jacob talks about you, how hes always talked about you...you shouldn’t have to put yourself through hell to feel like you’re a good man,” you finish softly.

“How old are you?”

“I am in the middle of being 23 and it’s a fucking doozy,” you chuckle and he laughs.

“Jacob’s lucky to have a friend like you.”

“He’s also lucky to have you as a father,” you smile at him, as the record comes to an end. “Any requests?”

“You may hate them but...Alice in Chains?”

“They’re my favorite band in the world, so you’re in luck,” you practically squeal as you make your way over to your record box.

You two spend the rest of your time alone together talking about music and movies, laughing and bonding over how alike you two are, but the minute Jacobs steps foot into your apartment, you change the subject. You know you have nothing to be ashamed of, but it just feels personal and like you both shouldn’t be saying anything in front of him.

From that moment on, you and Andy decide that whatever you two decide to talk about is between you two. You have private phone calls with him, you two text all the time, and you both FaceTime often. No, you’re not trying to lure Andy Barber in, but talking to him is so freeing and honest. He’s fun to talk to and it’s not like you talk to a lot of people to begin with.

“Lets grab drinks,” Andy says from the Bluetooth device that’s connected to your car.

“You know we can’t,” you laugh as you press on the brakes as you reach a stoplight.

“I hate talking about all of this shit over the phone.”

“Yeah well, Laurie will hate you and lay into Jacob because of it.”

“This is so dumb.”

“You could get a divorce.”

“Then hangout with you so she can hate you?”

“She already hates me, Andy. Who cares?”

“I do.”

“Andy.”

“It’s not fair to you, and it pisses me the fuck off.”

“Well, you’re sweet,” you smile before grabbing your phone, switching it back to personal use, turning your car off and getting out “but I’m fine.”

“Well, I’m not. Am I an idiot? You’re an adult and so am I. We should be able to hangout without having to deal with anyone’s shit.”

“Without Laurie’s shit.”

“We’re not doing anything wrong.”

“She won’t see it that way...shit,” you groan as you get to your apartment, seeing Andy leaning against your door.

“I wanted to see you,” he says simply as he hangs up.

“Why did you even suggest drinks if you were already here?”

“I knew you’d say no.”

“Andy-”

“A good conversation isn’t cheating,” he reassures you. “She doesn’t know I’m here and I’ll never tell her.”

“Isn’t that a problem in and of itself?”

“It’s only a problem because-”

“Andy.”

“If you tell me to go, I’ll leave right now,” he promises sincerely.

How are supposed to tell him no? How are you supposed to turn him down?

Somehow, you’ve become Andy’s therapist and best friend. It’s not like you two do much of anything besides talk, and you only see every other week. Of course Andy is attractive, and you aren’t going to lie and say that it isn’t nice to have someone to talk to who you feel like actually gets it, but at the end of the day, he’s Jacob’s dad and Laurie’s husband. You refuse to cross that line.

“How was work?” he asks, pouring you both a drink as you go into your room to change.

“I’d like, for once in my life, to not be fucking looked at like I’m a fucking sex doll,” you scowl as you pull on sweatpants then your Boston University crew neck.

“You can tell your boss.”

“Complain to my boss about my boss? No thanks,” you sigh as you step back out into the living area, making your way over to the kitchen.

“You could just quit.”

“Then how would I pay for this nice apartment?”

“You’re extremely smart and talented, I’m sure you’d be able to find another job in an instant.”

“You are annoyingly kind,” you smile as you take a seat at the kitchen island. “Where does she think you are tonight?”

“Work,” Andy responds nonchalantly as he passes you your drink.

“Andy.”

“Would you like for me to call her and tell her that I’m here?”

“I would like for you to get a divorce.”

“I owe her-”

“You don’t owe her shit, Andy.”

“If you’re against her so much-”

“I’m not against her, I’m against you feeling like you need to pay penance.”

“Y/N-”

“Do you still love her enough to go through all of this?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Andy, how old are you?”

“42...about to be 43.”

“That explained so much so fast,” you chuckle before taking a sip of your drink. “You’re still young. You can leave Laurie, find someone new, and not feel like you have to hide your friendships or who you really are.”

“She just needs time.”

“How much more time does she need? Andy, you’re not that guy. Don’t be that guy.”

“What about you? I don’t see you making-”

“Y/N!” Jacob called from the other side of your door.

You and Andy both exchange panicked looks as you hear him put the key you gave him into the keyhole. Andy quickly runs into your room as you down his drink and put it into the sink.

No one is doing anything wrong, so you’re not sure why the both of you feel so guilty.

“Why didn’t you answer?” Jacob asks as he makes his way inside.

“I was mid sip,” you laugh awkwardly.

“You’re wearing the crew neck I got you.”

“Gotta support my favorite guy,” you smile at him “what’s up?”

“I have a question and I don’t want you to freak out.”

“Well, now I am freaked out,” you mutter before taking a sip of whiskey.

“It’s not anything bad, I just...it’s...do you think...Christ, why can’t I find the words?!”

“Just spit it out.”

“Do you think I’ll be moving too fast if I propose to Sarah?” he spits out all at once.

“Well...shit.”

“I’m gonna talk to my dad about it, but I tell you everything, so I wanna run it past you first.”

“I mean, you two have been together forever and you love the hell out of each other....have you two even talked about getting a place together?”

“We’ve been looking at apartments, but we haven’t decided on anything yet.”

“Well, I 1000% think you two should get married, but you need a game plan. I’ve known you long enough to know that you don’t have one.”

“Well, where should I start?”

“For one, graduate first. I would imagine that planning a wedding and trying to graduate at the same time is annoying and stressful as hell. Next, decide on a place to live. I know you two have had a million sleepovers, but it’s not the same as actually living together.”

“Sarah could be the worst fucking roommate ever and I’d still propose. After all the shit shes had to put up, and all the shit we’ve been through...I love her so fucking much, Y/N.”

“I know you do, Jake,” you smile at him.

You can only imagine the smile on Andy’s face right now.

“Okay, graduate first, move in together, then propose. Got it. Graduation isn’t that far off anyway.”

“Aw, look at my little adult,” you beam and he flips you off.

“Will you go with me to pick out a ring? It’ll be me, you, and my dad...well, if he says yes.”

“You know he will,” you laugh softly “what about your mom?”

“Eh.”

“Eh?”

“I just feel like she’ll be a dark cloud. She’s so fucking moody lately, her and my dad have been arguing a lot, and she’s been a real ass to me.”

“Jacob.”

“Don’t. It’s fucking hell living in that house, and part of that is because of her and how she is. I don’t know what her fucking problem is, but I’m tired of always getting shit on because she’s having a bad day. I wish I never wrote that fucking story. She’s always going to think I’m a monster and she’s always going to be bitter about the fact that everyone looked at her as a bad parent.”

“She loves you, Jacob. I don’t have many talks with her, but the few that I’ve had, she loves. She may fuck up from time to time, but what parent doesn’t?”

“When’s the last time you spoke to yours?”

“We’re not talking about me,” you mutter as you down the rest of your drink before pouring yourself another one.

“I don’t get why I have to make nice with my mom, but you don’t have to with yours.”

“It took her a month to realize I moved out, Jake. Laurie would notice in a second.”

“Y/N-”

“Also, once she realized I moved out, she called me crying and bitched me out. She said I abandoned her just like my father did, even though it took her a fucking month to realize I was even gone. As for my dad, he’s getting married and wants me to be supportive. He told me that he didn’t abandon me, but he just needed to start over because too much had happened. So, that’s why you need to make nice with your mom and I don’t have to make nice with mine.”

“I didn’t mean...I’m sorry,” he sighs as he leans against the the kitchen island. “Ya know, I really fucking hate your parents,” he scowls and you laugh. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Both of them are selfish assholes,” you shrug. “There’s nothing more to it.”

“You’re a liar but I won’t press the matter. I gotta go though, I’m having dinner with Sarah and her family. I’ll text you later, I love you,” he smiles before leaning across the island and kissing your cheek.

“I love you too, Jake,” you smile as he goes to leave. “Wear your damn seat belt!”

“Jesus, yes mom!” he call over his shoulder before walking out and closing the door behind.

“Holy shit!” Andy beams as he steps out of your room and you burst out laughing. “He wants to propose! I’m so fucking....holy shit!”

“And he’s gonna come to you for advice soon,” you smile at him before taking his glass out of the sink and pouring him a drink.

“Why did you drink it?” he laughs.

“I panicked!”

“Why?”

“Why did you go running into my bedroom?”

“I’ve never seen it before,” he smirks and you let out a small laugh. “You know, you’re really good with him.”

“Who? Jacob? What do you mean?”

“You always know the right thing to say and how to calm him down. I forget that he’s the older one.”

“Jacob just needs patience and understanding. Just take your time with him and he’s fine. He’s a great guy, he’s just a little dark at times. We all are,” you shrug.

“Your parents-”

“Guess what I don’t wanna talk about?”

“Talk to me, Y/N. I’m not Jacob, I will push.”

“Why? It’s not a big deal. I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.”

“And how would you know?”

“Cause I know you. Talk to me.”

“It just gets fucking irritating. They’re both adults but neither of them acts like it. I’m fine not talking to them, my life is much less hectic, but it would be nice to actually have parents instead of always having to be the parent,” you sigh before finishing your drink and slamming the glass down.

Andy says nothing as he rounds the island and slowly makes his way over to you. He wraps his arms around you tight and you swear it’s the best hug you’ve ever gotten.

All of Andy’s hugs make you feel like you’re home.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “You deserve so much better from everyone and I’m just so sorry. I’m sorry I can’t make it better for you.”

“I’m just tired. I’m so fucking tired,” you sob into his chest, wrapping your arms around him.

“I know you are, honey.”

“I’ve been doing everything all the time and I’m just ready for a fucking break. I just...ugh! I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t you dare be sorry. I vent to you all the time about everything. You can cry to me whenever you want about anything.”

“This isn’t your job. I shouldn’t be-”

“Y/N, you don’t have to be strong all the time. I want to be there for you like you’re always there me for me. If there’s anyone who deserves a good friend and someone to lean on, it’s you,” he tells you softly as he gently rubs your back.

If Andy Barber were anyone else, he’d be perfect for you. However, he’s not yours and you need to remember that.

“Are you staying for dinner?” you sniffle as you let go of him.

“Do you want me to?”

“I always want you to stay,” you scoff without even thinking. Mortification runs through your body as you realize what you just said. “I just mean-”

“You’re fine,” he chuckles. “What do you want? I’ll cook.”

“I’ll cook.”

“You need to relax.”

“I actually like cooking,” you laugh.

“Y/N-”

“How about we cook together?”

“A fair compromise,” he smiles at you.

After going through everything in your fridge and freezer (which really isn’t much), you both decide that something simple is the best choice. You make cheeseburgers and french fries in a happy silence, while The Doors play quietly in the background on your record player. You’ve never realized just how at ease he makes you feel until this moment.Everything feels so normal and simple.

You’re happy.

“Okay, what do you wanna watch?” you ask as you two sit on your sofa.

“I chose last time.”

“You’re a guest.”

“No, you just don’t like making decisions.”

“You’re annoying,” you tease and he chuckles. “How about...’Vivacious Lady’?”

“I don’t think we’ve watched that one yet.”

“Then ‘Vivacious Lady’ it is!”

Halfway through the movie, his phone rings and he rolls his eyes when checks it before ignoring it and putting it down.

“Andy-”

“She can wait.”

“She’s gonna get pissed.”

“She’s always pissed.”

“She’s gonna think you’re cheating.”

“She always thinks I’m cheating.”

“Andy-”

“I’m happy right now, Y/N. So fucking happy. I just want to enjoy it a little bit longer before I have to go home and deal with whatever bullshit she has waiting for me this time.”

“Why do you stay with her? You’re not happy, Jake isn’t happy-”

“Do we have to get into it now?”

“Yes.”

“I’m just...before Jacob’s trial, we were so happy. I don’t know, maybe it was all fake because she never knew the truth about my past. She fell in love with the version of myself that I made up so I could forget about my past. It’s really fucking hard to accept that it’s over. Yeah, she says she loves me and she wants to make it work, but I don’t know how much I believe it. Yeah, we both make good money, but I’m the DA. That title still has some pull around here and people are nice to me just because I’m Andy Barber. She likes that. She likes it a lot. I keep holding on to hope that we’ll get back to how we were, but I just...I don’t know. Saying “it’s over” and following through are two very different things. I guess I’m just in denial,” he sighs before downing the rest of his drink.

You pause the movie and turn to look at him. “Stop feeling like you owe her something-”

“Y/N-”

“Just hear me out,” you interrupt softly. “The argument can be made that mistakes happened on both sides, and yeah, fine. In that sense, neither one of you owes each other anything. However, you didn’t cheat, she did. You’re not keeping her on a tight leash out of fear that she’ll cheat on you like you did her; she is. You’re not the one taking your anger out on Jacob, she is, and you aren’t the one who gave up on the marriage. She is. So, why are you putting yourself through hell? What does it prove? That you’re willing to make yourself miserable for someone who you don’t love the same way you did before? Things happen, and sometimes things fall apart. You making yourself miserable isn’t going to change anything. You heard Jacob tonight. He wishes you two would get a divorce, and I think you do, too.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re here with me instead of at home with your wife,” you tell him softly.

Andy sighs before rubbing the back of his neck, “you’re annoyingly smart.”

“Yeah, Jacob says the same thing,” you smirk at him before resuming the movie.

“You know...you’re gonna find someone who’s gonna treat you right.”

“I’m not holding my breath,” you snort before finishing off your drink. “Do you want another?”

“Why don’t you think you’re gonna find a good man?”

“Do you want another drink?”

“Oh no, you don’t get rake me over the coals then decide you’re gonna shut down.”

“I’m not shutting down,” you mutter, reaching across him and grabbing his glass before getting up and grabbing your own and getting, making your way over to the island.

“Then what’s going on?”

“If I say it out loud, it’ll sound stupid and I don’t exactly want to feel stupid in front of you.”

“Why would it be stupid?”

“Andy.”

“Talk to me, honey.”

“I just...I know what people in this town think of me, okay? I don’t date guys my age, because they’re too immature for me. I don’t take the older guys I sleep with seriously, because I know they’re just looking for a good time. The few that I gave a fair shot to, got mad because I wasn’t some dumb young thing they could control. As long as I’m here, I’m never going to have anything real. That’s just...that’s how it is and it’s whatever. I fuck around from time to time and it gets me by.”

“Why did you think that would make you sound stupid?”

“Because I sound like a child.”

“Wanting to be loved doesn’t make you sound like a child. It makes you sound like a regular adult. A regular person. We all want to be loved.”

“Yeah well, you’re sweet.”

“I mean it, sweetheart. There’s nothing childish about wanting to be loved as you are, and for who you are. God knows you’ve more than earned it.”

“I just don’t like being vulnerable, you know that.”

“It’s me.”

“Especially with you.”

“What does that mean?”

“You can always see right through me and it just...sometimes, it feels like you know exactly what I’m thinking. I feel like...sometimes you know me better than Jacob.”

“You don’t like that?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“It’s getting late and you should go.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“No, you’re upset. What-”

“Andy, you didn’t do anything, honestly. I’m just...I wish there were more guys like you,” you smile softly. “Maybe then, I wouldn’t hate it here so much.”

“The feeling is mutual,” he quietly responds.

“We should call it a night. We both have work in the morning, Laurie’s already wondering where you are-”

“We were having a good night, and I feel like-”

“Don’t feel like anything, because you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just in a weird head space.”

“Why do I always feel like I put you in a weird head space.”

“Andy-”

“Am I doing something wrong? Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“Andy, you do everything right, and that’s the problem. I shouldn’t feel like you’re the guy doing everything right. I shouldn’t feel as comfortable with you as I do,” you confess softly.

“Do you want me to go?”

“No, and that’s why you should,” you almost sniffle.

Andy lets out a sorrowful sigh, and in a way, that makes you feel worse. He’s fighting off the same thing you are. You both know that the intimacy you both crave isn’t right. It’s not so much sexual as it personal. You want him to hold you until you fall asleep, and he wants to. You want him to pepper your cheeks with soft and loving kisses, and you can tell that he’s dying to.

You’re dying for Andy to be yours and he wants nothing more than that.

For now? You’ll just blame the alcohol and pretend you won’t remember in the morning.

“Let me know when you’re home, okay?” you ask as you both stand by your door.

“We can just pretend-”

“No...no we can’t. Lets just stop while we’re ahead,” you smile weakly, ignoring the pain in your heart.

This is the right the thing to do.

Andy stands there with outstretched arms, and you’re more than happy to make your way over to him as he engulfs you in one of the best hugs hes ever given you.

“You’re better than all the rest,” he whispers into your hair before kissing it and letting go of you, opening the door, and walking out.

In that moment, you decide to let go of all of the fantasies you’ve ever had about Andy Barber. He isn’t yours (even if he does divorce Laurie), he’s Jacob’s father, and he’s never going to see you as you see him. If anything, you’d just be a welcomed distraction and a fun time. So, you start seeing him less and come up with excuses as to why he can’t come over. You miss him like crazy but what’s the point? Why torture yourself (or him) over something that can never happen?

Everything works out well enough until December.

“Okay, so ya know how I said you, me, and Sarah are gonna have a movie this Friday night?” Jacob asks from the speakers of your car asks as you drive home.

“Yeah?”

“Well, I completely forgot that, that night is the holiday party at my dad’s job. Which, I usually don’t care about, but he’s getting an award and I wanna be there for him.”

“Aww, that’s great, Jake,” you smile as you come to a stop light. “We’ll reschedule for another day-”

“Well, I want you to come cause I still want to hangout.”

“I don’t even want think about the cost of-”

“You don’t have to! My mom isn’t going and I ran it past my dad, and he’s fine with it!”

“Why isn’t your mom going?”

“Who knows,” he scowls “they’ve been arguing a lot more lately. I’m pretty sure I heard him throw out the word ‘divorce’ at least three times last night, and she was crying and begging him not to. I’m fairly sure hes been sleeping on the sofa.”

“How’s the apartment search going for you and Sarah?”

“On hold for the holidays, but we think we found a place we wanna move into by February.”

“Good, get the fuck out of that house.”

“I try not to think about it, anyway, will you come? Sarah is more than happy to go shopping with you for a dress.”

“Jacob.”

“Please?”

“When is it?”

“This Friday.”

“Jacob!”

“You usually have Saturdays off!”

“Does it really mean all that much to you?”

“Don’t make me feel like an asshole about this.”

“Oh, now you feel like an asshole?”

“Y/N-”

“I...I’ll go,” you sigh as you pull into the parking garage of your complex.

“Don’t make it sound like a death sentence.”

“You have to sit by him and I’ll sit on the other side of Sarah.”

“Why can’t you sit by him?”

“I’m not married to him, nor am I related to him, and he’s the DA. Me sitting by him won’t look good.”

“I didn’t think about that. Yeah, you’re right. I’ll sit by him, Sarah will sit by me, and you’ll sit by Sarah.”

“Lovely.”

“Y/N-”

“I just need to wash off today, it was shitty and I’m tired.”

“If you’re this upset about it-”

“I’m not, I’ll see you Friday and please let Sarah know that I’ll text her later about dress shopping later.”

“Y/N-”

“It’s just been a really long day, Jacob.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you. Talk to you later?”

“Sounds good,” he sighs before hanging up.

You turn off your car and think things over for a bit before deciding on something you probably shouldn’t have.

“Well, look who it is,” Andy scowls after answering his phone.

���Why isn’t Laurie going to the party?”

“We got into an argument, she doesn’t want to go, and I do.”

“Why doesn’t she want to go?”

“I want to see you.”

“Andy.”

“Why are you staying away?”

“You know why.”

“We haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Have you told Laurie where you’ve been spending your time?”

“Why does she need to know?”

“Andy-”

“I miss you, Y/N.”

You sigh in defeat and run a hand through your hair, “I miss you too.”

“Let me come over.”

“What did you two argue about?”

“Let me come over and I’ll tell you all about it.”

“Andy.”

“Y/N.”

“Two hours, that’s it. After two hours, you have to go home.”

“Two hours it is,” is all he says before hanging up.

You don’t know why you have butterflies in your stomach as you make your way inside of the building and up to your apartment, but you can’t shake them. You’re not going to do anything (you never do anything with him). Simply being alone with him sets your body alight with passion and excitement.

You’re quick to change: the big, black, knitted wool sweater he seems to like you in and a pair of gray sweatpants. You hurry into the kitchen, grabbing one of the bigger wine glasses and filling it. You know you should’ve told him one hour instead of two, but you really do miss him. You miss him so fucking much.

You get halfway through the glass when you hear him knock on your.

“You should turn on the heater,” he says after you open the door, stepping aside to let him in.

“I did just get home from work,” you mutter, quickly closing the door.

“Yet you changed and have a full glass of wine.”

“Priorities,” you shrug.

“You’re gonna catch a cold,” he scolds as he makes his way over to the thermostat.

“Germs get you sick, not the cold.”

“Why the attitude?”

“Why isn’t Laurie going to the party?”

“Why do you need to know?”

“Why don’t you want to tell me?”

“Because you’ll get mad and I don’t want that.”

“Jacob said you threw around the word ‘divorce’ a few times.”

“That I did,”Andy sighs as he finally takes off his coat, leaving it on the coat rack he bought you as house warming gift, before making his way to the kitchen and making himself a drink.

“She won’t agree?”

“Nope.”

“Andy-”

“I don’t like not seeing you, Y/N.”

“You didn’t come over here for this, don’t start that shit,” you sigh, quickly regretting your decision to agree to see him.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“You don’t wanna tell me about your argument with Laurie, I don’t wanna talk about this,” you shrug.

“Why are you arguing with me right now?!”

“Because you’re annoying, Andy!”

“I’m annoy-you’re annoying!”

“Then why are you here?!”

“Because I miss you!” he snaps, slamming his glass down.

You take a deep breath before finishing off your glass and making your way to your to kitchen and pouring yourself another glass. “Why isn’t she going to the party?”

“Will you just stop it? You miss me too.”

“Yeah well, I fucking shouldn’t.”

“Why not? We’re just friends-”

“Andy, just because I’m the younger one doesn’t mean I’m naive enough to be believe-”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare. You know I would never try to belittle you or think  less of you because you’re younger. That’s not fair.”

“Then why-”

“Because I know what can’t happen. You’re Jacob’s best friend and I know that what people think of you still bothers you. I wouldn’t ever do anything to make your life harder, especially while I’m still married. I would never ask that of you. So, we’re just friends. All we can be is just friends,” he finishes with a frustrated sigh.

You’re ready to tell him that he can do whatever he wants to with you, when your phone goes off.

You scowl in irritation (even though you know it’s for the best) as quickly make your way to the bedroom and answer your phone. “Hello?”

“We’re going dress shopping!!” Sarah squeals and you can’t stop yourself from laughing a little.

“That we are.”

“We never go shopping together, I’m so excited! What time should I pick you up tomorrow?”

“You don’t have to pick me-”

“Oh no, we’re making a day of this! Call in sick and then I’ll pick you up and we’ll spend the day shopping!”

“You are way too excited about this.”

“It’s gonna be so much fun! I feel like we haven’t spent a day together in so long!”

“I’ll text my boss tonight and tell him I feel like shit. He’s got a crush on me anyway, so I’m pretty sure I can get my way for a while.”

“Ah! This is perfect! Oh! Lets do brunch! I’ll pick you up at 12:30 and we’ll brunch first, then shop!”

“Sounds like a plan,” you laugh.

“Ugh, I can’t wait! This is gonna be so much fun! I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Sounds good, see you tomorrow?”

“Fuck yeah!” she squeals before hanging up.

You laugh to yourself before shaking your head. What the hell did you get yourself into?

“Wanna watch a movie with me?” Andy asks as you make your way out of your bedroom.

“We don’t have enough time for a movie.”

“Just stop. There’s no fucking time limit on this.”

“There should be.”

“Y/N-”

“Andy this isn’t right and you know it.”

“I miss watching movies with my best friend.”

“Laurie should be your best friend.”

“But she isn’t, not anymore,” he states softly, meeting you intense gaze. “Lets order dinner and watch a movie. I’m not going to do anything and you’re too good of a person to do anything. Lets just get sushi and enjoy the night.”

“You’re paying for the sushi,” you mutter, making your way to your little living area.

“Sounds like a plan,” he laughs softly, following right behind.

As you text your boss a bullshit excuse as to why you won’t be in tomorrow, you tell yourself that your Andy Barber fantasy is over, but it’s just a lie. Andy just basically admitted that he feels the same for you as you do for him, and it only makes you want him more. After you two finish dinner, he lets you choose the movie for the night, and you decide on ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ without hesitation.

One of your favorite movies.

You don’t know if it’s because of how much wine you’ve had, or how tired you are, but you find yourself cuddling up against him and not pulling away when he wraps his arms around you. You want, more than anything, to stay this way forever. Every so often, he presses soft kisses into your hair. and want so badly for him to kiss you everywhere else.

You’ve never felt so happy and safe and, at some point, you drift off .

“What’s happening?” you question lazily as you feel yourself almost floating, curling into Andy.

“It’s time for bed,” Andy chuckles softly.

“I don’t wanna go to bed.”

“Then you shouldn’t have gone to sleep.”

“Are you staying?”

“You know I can’t,” Andy sighs as he rests you down on the bed.

“I want you to,” you fuss as you get comfortable under the sheets.

“Don’t be difficult.”

“Then stay here.”

“You know I can’t,” he repeats as he gets off the bed.

“At least until I fall asleep?”

“I’d stay forever, if I could,” he tells you softly as he gets in next to you.

You turn over and hold him tight as you lay your head on his chest.

“Thank you,” you tell him softly as you quickly fall back into a state of unconsciousness.

“Anything for you,” he tells you softly, kissing the top of your head as he strokes your back softly. “I would do absolutely anything for you.”

**

When you wake up, you’re alone and somewhat heartbroken, and that irritates you. You already knew he wasn’t going to stay, and you know you can never be with the man, so why do you keep letting yourself fall for him more and more? Even if Andy was single, he’d still be Jacob’s dad. Jacob would never be okay with it, and you would never ask him to be.

You need to get over him.

“Hey, what’s up with you today, hun?” Sarah asks, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“You’ve been a million miles away since I picked you up,” she laughs. “You’ve barely touched your mimosa.”

“I just have a lot on my mind,” you laugh awkwardly before taking a sip.

“Care to share with the class?”

It sucks that your only other friend is your best friend’s girlfriend.

“You can’t say anything to Jacob,” you all but whisper.

“I won’t say a word.”

“I mean it, Sarah. You have to promise me.”

“I promise, Y/N. What’s wrong?”

“I...uh...I uh, think...I know I have a thing for And- I mean, Mr. Barber,” you quickly correct before downing the rest of your drink.

“Oh no.”

“Listen, I know nothing can ever happen, I’m not dumb, but I just...I don’t know, Sarah. We just bonded the day he helped me move into my place, along with Jacob. It started with just texting every so often, then phone calls at night, and then he started coming over. Nothing has happened, but...what the fuck is wrong with Laurie? How could she cheat on him?!”

“I’m sorry, come again?”

“Fuck, don’t tell Jacob!” you groan as the waiter comes over.

“Are you two ready to put in an order for food?” he kindly asks.

“Uh no, but we will take two more pitchers of mimosas as well as two pitchers of Merlot,” Sarah smiles at the man as you face palm yourself.

“Will do,” the man smiles awkwardly before walking away.

“We have to find me a dress, still.”

“Oh, we’ll find you a damn dress alright. Now what happened?”

“Some time after the trial, Laurie was still having reservations about everything, and she cheated on him. He said that she cried to him about it at 2am a few weeks later, and that’s when things really started going even more downhill. He doesn’t want Jacob to know because he thinks it’ll make everything worse.”

“It definitely will, but Jacob isn’t a child. He has a right to know.”

“Sarah.”

“I know I know, but it’s frustrating.”

“Imagine how I feel,” you smile sarcastically as the drinks are delivered. “So, anyway, I knew that I was starting to become too attached, so I’ve been seeing him less. Now, there’s this fucking party tomorrow and I don’t want to go, because...ugh, when Jacob called and told me yesterday, he said Laurie wasn’t going because they got into an argument. He said Andy threw around the word ‘divorce’ a few times, and I just...what the fuck am I supposed to do? So, I called Andy and asked him what it was about and all he kept saying is that he wanted to see me. He said he’d tell me if I let him come over, so I finally agreed.”

“Well, did he hint at what the argument was about?”

“He never told me. We ordered sushi and watched ‘Breakfast at Tiffanys’,” you sigh.

“Fuck.”

“I told him that we have to stop, because it’s wrong, and he said that he knows we can’t do anything, because I’m Jacob’s best friend and he knows that it still bothers me that everyone in this shit hole thinks so little of me. He also said he’d never ask anything of me while he’s still married.”

“Which means, if you had a different best friend...”

“So, that’s been running through my mind all day.”

“Well...shit.”

“What makes it worse is that this is exactly why Laurie didn’t want me around him-”

“Fuck Laurie, I’m sorry but that was bullshit. You didn’t hit on Mr. Matthews, and she fucking knew that. She made you feel like shit because of her own insecurities.”

“Be that as it may, she was afraid of me stealing him and now look.”

“I mean, it’s not like he wants to stay in the relationship. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve gone to that house and have heard them arguing. He usually gets fed up and storms out, and will stay out for hours.”

“I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“But you both want to be together.”

“He’s married, Sarah. Everyone here already thinks I’m man stealing whore, I don’t need to actually prove them right.”

“Fuck this town and the people in it. Mr. Matthews wasn’t even all that great, and you were a kid. They should’ve fucking stood beside you. This town is really good at blaming the wrong fucking people.”

“Speaking of that, there’s Jacob.”

“He’ll get over it.”

“He won’t like it. I’m younger than him!”

“Only by a few months! Listen, he’ll throw his little hissy fit, then he’ll be happy, cause both you and Andy will be happy.”

“You’re surprisingly happy about this.”

“I mean, I can see it. It doesn’t seem too far fetched to me, the more I think about it. You two are more alike than I ever thought.”

“You’re supposed to be telling me to stay away from him.”

“Probably, but it seems like a stupid thing to say. I’m not telling you to sleep with a married man, but it’s not even like he wants to be married anymore. Jacob told me that shes been begging him to go to marriage counseling, and he doesn’t want to. He’s over trying.”

“Even if he does leave her, which I really don’t believe he’ll do, what-”

“Why don’t you believe he will?”

“He’s in denial about it and why wouldn’t he be? They’ve been together for so long.”

“Babe, everyone can see that time is running out on that marriage. Jacob said he seemed pretty adamant about that divorce last night.”

“I’m not holding my breath. I don’t know, I just...I don’t know. What if Jacob thinks I’m the reason Andy is pushing so hard for this divorce?”

“So what if you are? You two haven’t actually done anything, have you?”

“I mean, we cuddled last night and he held me until I fell asleep, only because I asked him to though. He kissed the top of my head a few times.”

“Oh, you two are desperate for each other,” she giggles before taking a giant swig of her drink. “I see where Jacob gets it from.”

“Huh?”

“Before Jacob and I started having sex, he was always afraid that he was moving too fast and that he was gonna scare me off. After everything that happened, he was afraid sex would scare me off,” she scoffed before rolling her eyes. “Anyway, that was his way of showing me that he’s ready when I’m ready. Longing stares, holding me close, kissing the top of my head or my temple, just little ways to show that he’s ready to take the next step but that there’s no pressure.”

“I don’t think that’s what Andy’s doing. We were both just sad. He misses me and I miss him.”

“He told you that?”

“He said he misses watching movies with his best friend. When I told him that Laurie should be his best friend, he said she isn’t anymore.”

“Well, what are you gonna do?”

“The only thing I can do, stay away and mind my business. I won’t be the reason for their divorce.”

“Hate to break it to you, honey, but there’s no avoiding that at this point. Andy Barber has a thing for you, and he’s not getting over you any time soon,” she smirks softly before grabbing her drink

As the day goes on, and you two get drunker, her words roll around in your head.

Does Andy really have a thing for you, or is he just sad and looking for someone to make him feel better? Is it really all that wrong to explore since he’s trying to get out of his marriage anyway? If you ever decided that it was something you wanted to try and explore, would Jacob actually ever get over it, or would he hate you forever?

The more you think about it, the more annoyed you are. Why are you setting yourself up? You can’t ever be with him, so why does it even matter? None of it should matter.

“You have to pick on a dress,” Sarah slurs as you two clumsily make your way around the store.

“Everything feels inappropriate.”

“Well, if you’re not going to reel him in, you can at least reel someone in for the night,” she smirks at you and you let out a loud laugh.

“You’re a terrible influence!”

“I just want you to be happy,” she smirks with a shrug before her eyes land on a dress. “You have to try this on!! You’ll look so good!”

“Sarah! No!I can’t-”

“Why not? Make him fight harder for that divorce.”

“No!”

“You know you like it! Try it on!”

“Sarah-”

“Try it on,” she repeats, giving you the dress.

You begrudgingly take the dress and make your way to one of the fitting rooms, quickly undressing and pulling the dress on. The fact that it fits you like a glove only irritates you more, because you really do love it. However, you don’t want to wear it in front of Andy.

“Well, come on, lets see it!” Sarah calls from the other side of the door.

You scowl as you make your way out. “Don’t say anything-”

“He’s gonna have a hard time keeping his hands off of you,” she snickers as she looks you over “you look amazing.”

“I shouldn’t wear this-”

“The damage is already done, you may as well enjoy it,” she shrugs.

“I forgot how much of a trouble maker drunk you is.”

“I live for the chaos, baby,” she smirks and you burst out laughing.

At some point, Sarah calls Jacob and asks him to pick the both of you up. You know you shouldn’t, but you feel so guilty when he pulls up outside of the store. You haven’t done anything with Andy, so you don’t know why you feel like you’ve betrayed Jacob.

“Why are you so quiet back there?” Jacob smirks as he looks up at you from the rear view mirror.

“Words are hard,” you mumble as you gaze out the window.

“Bullshit, you haven’t been yourself in weeks. What’s going on with you?”

“Leave her alone,” Sarah snaps with a slur.

“Why do you get to know and I don’t?”

“Because I’m a lady and boys have cooties,” she says matter-of-factly, with a s smirk while Jacob laughs.

“Fine fine, what time should we pick you up tomorrow?” Jacob asks as pulls up to your complex.

“You don’t have to-”

“It makes more sense for us all to go together. I promise we won’t stay too long. I think my dad is just looking for a reason to get out of the house, honestly.”

“Does your mom knowing I’m going?”

“I don’t know, probably. They had another one of their famous mind numbing arguments, so who knows. He kinda stormed out last night and didn’t come back till late, and I haven’t seen him yet today. I’ll just tell her when I get home, no big deal,” he shrugs and you feel a pang of guilt.

Another painful reminder that Andy Barber is off limits.

“I’ll text you when I get home from work tomorrow, and we can choose a time then. For now, I need to lay down,” you sigh as you grab the big black garment bag that contains your dress, before opening your door and getting out. “Jacob, thank you for picking us up, and Sarah, thank you for getting me entirely too drunk,” you smirk as they both laugh. “I love you both, please be careful.”

“Yes mom,” Jacobs scowls and you flip him off, before stepping back and he pulls off.

The minute you get into your apartment, you hang the garment bag up on the coat rack, followed by your coat, before toeing off your shoes. You know you shouldn’t but you go into the kitchen and make yourself a drink, just wanting to be numb.

You’re in the middle of searching for the menu to your (and Andy’s) favorite Chinese place, when the your phone starts going off.

“Hmm?” you answer lazily, still looking for the menu.

“What color is the dress you got?” Andy asks and you roll your eyes.

“Go away.”

“No.”

“Andy.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t start this shit.”

“You can always hangup.”

“We both know I won’t. Plus, I’m drunk and am in no mood to be responsible one right now.”

“It’s 4:30 and you’re drunk?”

“Sarah and I had a talk during brunch that we both needed to be drunk for.”

“What was it about?”

“Don’t you worry about that.”

“Ya know, for a while, you told me everything.”

“Yeah well, you and Jacob can pout about it together, because I didn’t tell him either.”

“Ah, you and Sarah had a talk about you and me.”

“There is no you and me,” you huff, finally finding the menu and ignoring the pain you feel in your heart at what you just said.

“I’m trying to get her to sign the papers-”

“What does that mean to me? It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still Jacob’s dad. We just talked about this last night,” you sniffle as you put your glass down and wipe your eyes.

Fucking alcohol.

“Please don’t cry, sweetheart,” he begs softly. “Listen, if it’s making you this upset, don’t come tomorrow night-”

“That’s not an option because Jacob is really fucking excited. Also, I just got a dress just for this.”

“I’m sorry I’m so selfish.”

“It’s not like I’m not either.”

“There’s not a selfish bone in your body,” Andy sighs and you can tell he’s at war with himself. “Should I tell Jacob to go over?”

“No, because I’m not gonna tell him why I’m crying and he’s already worried about me, because he can tell something’s wrong.”

“Sarah?”

“She’s just as drunk as me. It’ll be like the blind leading the blind.”

“Well who? You know I don’t like leaving you alone when you’re upset. Especially, when you’re crying.”

“You don’t like to leave me alone at all.”

“That’s true,” he chuckles softly and a small smile comes to your face.

You could listen to him chuckle and laugh all day.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Andy.”

“It’s not like I can stop it. It’s not like I haven’t tried to stop it.”

“You have work to do.”

“I’m done.”

“Then go home.”

“Laurie’s home so I’d rather not.”

“Then what are you gonna do?”

“Sit in my office.”

“You can’t do that, Andy.”

“It’s my office, I can do whatever I want,” his says with a little smart-ass tone, and you can tell he’s grinning.

“I don’t like the thought of you sitting all alone in your office.”

“Well, I don’t like the thought of you sitting all alone in your apartment.”

“What are you gonna do for food?”

“Order Chinese food and have it delivered here.”

“Just come over,” you mumble in defeat.

“You just said-”

“We’re both about to order Chinese food, and I’m more than sure we’re about to get it from the same damn place. Just...just come over.”

“Sweetheart-”

“This is...it’s the last time. After this, we can’t do any of this anymore. We’re just making the wound worse, and it’s not fair to either of us. So, I’ll put in the order-”

“I can put in the order and pick it up.”

“I already have the menu out and I know what we both want. Just get over here.”

“Yes ma’am,” he laughs softly.

You quickly call the Chinese place and order 2 containers of dumplings (fried) for you both to split, a sushi platter that consisted of a dragon roll, Alaska roll, a tempura roll, and a kani roll, an order of the house special lo mein for Andy, an order of Singapore mei fun for yourself, and an order of two egg rolls for the both of you.

If it’s going to be the last hangout, you may as well make the most of it.

Finally, you go into your room and change out of your clothes, pulling on a pair of Boston University sweatpants and a ‘Rolling Stones’ t-shirt, before putting your hair up in a messy bun. After pulling on your fuzzy socks, you make your way into the kitchen and grab a glass, putting in only one ice cube before pouring some bourbon in it.

As if perfectly timed, there’s a soft knock on your door, and a small smile comes to your face.

“You didn’t waste any time, did you?” you giggle as you open the door and step aside, holding out the glass you made for him.

“Wanna get in as much time as I can since this is the last time,” Andy sighs as he takes the glass out of your hand and makes his way inside.

“You know I’m right, Andy.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Lets just enjoy the night, okay?” you scowl as you make your way into the living room and grabbing your drink.

“Why are you still drinking?”

“Because it’s been a long fucking day, Andrew.”

“Well, when you say my name like that,” he smirks as he makes his way over to you, and wraps his arms around you. “How’d you sleep?”

“Shitty. You?”

“Shitty.”

“Sofa again?”

“Of course you know about that.”

“Jacob tells me everything, you know that.”

“So why-”

“So why won’t she sign the papers?”

“Ask her.”

“I’m asking you.”

“Honey, I don’t know. I don’t have a single fucking clue,” he glowers as someone knocks on the door and announces ‘delivery’.

Before you even have a chance to move, Andy’s pulling out his wallet and making his way over to your apartment door. He pays the person, takes the food into the kitchen and grabs a couple of plates for you both, before finally bringing everything into your little living area.

“You didn’t have to pay.”

“You ordered it, the least I can do is pay for it. However,” he laughs as he takes a seat next to you “I wasn’t aware that you were gonna order the entire menu.”

“Only of all our favorite things. Figured we’d make the most of the night.”

“And you’re drunk.”

“Both can be true,” you tease before sticking out your tongue, and he laughs softly.

You’re both about to start opening up the food when there’s a knock on your door. Both you and Andy look at each other with a raised eyebrow before you answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s uh...it’s Mrs. Barber,” she responds softly.

Andy is up before you can look in his direction, grabbing all of the food, plates, his drink, and placing them all in your bedroom, before coming back out and grabbing his coat off of the coat rack and disappearing into your bedroom.

The man is efficient.

You try to calm your nerves as you slowly make your over to the door, suddenly feeling a bit more sober than you were before. “Hey,” you smile as you slowly open the door, realizing that she’s never seen your place...and that you’ve never been alone with her.

“I just realized I’m the only Barber who hasn’t seen this place,” she smiles awkwardly as she makes her way inside.

“That’s right, Mr. Barber helped us move everything in,”

“I know you were out with Sarah-”

“How is she?”

“She’s fine, sleeping it off in Jacob’s room,” she chuckles before anxiously rubbing the back of her neck. “You’re always so thoughtful and that makes me...”

“Mrs. Barber-”

“You can call me Laurie. You should. I honestly shouldn’t even be here, but I do want to tell you that the place looks great,” she mutters awkwardly as she looks around.

“Well, thank you, but-”

“Before I say anything else, I want to apologize. I know you heard what I said few years ago and you didn’t deserve that. It’s not that I have an issue with you, you’ve been nothing but great to Jacob. You don’t know how happy it makes me that both Sarah and him have you in your life, but...”

“You don’t like me around Mr. Barber.”

“I know you’ve done nothing to warrant it, but I know how you are-and there’s nothing wrong with that !” she quickly defends when you quietly scoff. “You’re young and gorgeous, and you should have fun while you’re young, before you start the next chapter of your life. Hell, sometimes I’m jealous because I never got to explore that part of myself. I fell in love and became a mother young, and that’s...I’m paying the price for it now,” she smiles weakly. “The thing is, Jacob and his father are more alike that people tend to realize-”

“Jacob’s never had a thing for me.”

“I hear the conversations you two have, the debates, your taste in music and movies, hell, you two have the same favorite Chinese place,” she laughs incredulously. “No, you’re not Jacob’s type, but you’re definitely Andy’s. I know Jacob tells you everything, so I know that you know that things are a bit rocky right now. I have no one to blame but myself, but I’m trying to fix everything and I can’t...I can’t do that with you in the picture.”

“So, do you just want me to stay away all together?” you sniffle, doing your best to hold back your tears.

“I’m fine...I’m fine with you being friends with Jacob. He needs you in his life and we need you in his life. I just...I know you’re going to the party tomorrow and that’s fine. Jacob’s excited and you bought the dress today...it’s fine. However, after this-”

“Stay away from Mr. Barber,” you nod with a soft smile.

“I know-”

“I’ve never done anything to you, Laurie. Even after you said what you said, I didn’t yell, I didn’t tell Jacob, and I didn’t make you feel like shit. I kept it to myself.”

“Y/N-”

“I just want you to keep that in mind the next time you decide to think little of me. I will steer clear of you and your husband, you don’t need to worry about me,” you smile softly.

Laurie says nothing. She just stands there and nods before slowly making her way out. The second the door closes, your bedroom door opens.

“She had no fucking right!” Andy all but yells as he storms out.

“Andy stop, she can probably still here you.”

“Good-”

“There’s no sense in making it worse,” you sob, finally letting your tears fall.

“Oh honey,” he sighs, making his way over to and wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. “You’ve done nothing-”

“No matter what I do, she’s always just going to think of me as some home wrecking whore. It doesn’t matter that I never did anything wrong. It’s never going to matter.”

“Stop it. You are a fucking saint, Y/N. You haven’t done a thing wrong, and you’re probably the most selfless person I know. Let’s just...let’s enjoy our dinner, okay?”

“Andy-”

“You have no reason to feel bad, you’ve done nothing wrong. Between the two of us, I’m the guilty one. Lets just enjoy dinner, okay?”

“Okay.”

Andy does his best to cheer you up as he brings the food back out, and puts on a movie you love, but even he can tell that you’re a million miles away.

“Y/N-”

“She’s always going to think less of me,” you sniffle as you throw your container of food down. “What’s the point of me trying to do the right thing, if this is how it’s always going to be? What’s the fucking point?”

“Honey, I know it’s easier said than done, but just ignore Laurie. You’ve seen enough and you know enough, to know that no one can do right by her. Especially because she’s incapable of holding herself accountable for anything.”

“If she’s just going to act like this, I don’t see why we don’t...” you trail off.

“Why we don’t what?”

“Nothing, just forget I said anything.”

“Y/N-”

“Andy, please don’t,” you smile weakly.

Andy’s only response is letting out a deep sigh before pulling you close and holding you tight. You settle up against him and take in his scent and his warmth, knowing you’ll never have a moment like this with him again. As he gently kisses the top of your head, you find yourself drifting off to sleep and wondering what it would be like to have all of affection.

You wonder what it would be like to have all of his heart.

**

When your alarm wakes you up the next day, you’re in bed alone and under the covers. You feel anger towards yourself as your eyes start to water, for not staying awake longer. The last night you got to spend with him and you fell asleep almost immediately after dinner. You wanted nothing more than to just stay in his embrace and hear his voice as much as possible. You were robbed of full night with your most favorite person, and you have no one to blame for it but yourself.

You try and get yourself out of your funk as you get ready for work, but you just feel empty and lonely. What you’re doing is for the best, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. By the time you arrive at work, you’ve cried and have had to reapply makeup twice.

You can’t wait to get to the part where this doesn’t feel like the hardest thing you’ve ever done.

“Oh, that’s not a face that looks ready for the holidays,” your boss smirks as he makes his way over to your desk, and you fight the urge to roll your eyes.

“How may I help you, Mr. Hathaway?” you smile the best you can as he leans against your desk.

“I’ve told you at least a hundred times, call me Thomas.”

“And I’ve told you that I’m not comfortable doing that. It’s unprofessional.”

“Maybe I want us to be unprofessional,” he smirks suggestively.

You take a deep breath before putting your pen down and look up to meet his sultry gaze, “how may I help you, Mr. Hathaway?”

“Go out with me tonight.”

“No thank you.”

“Why not?”

“Besides the fact that you’re my boss and it would be unprofessional, and that I don’t want to, I have plans tonight.”

“Oh? And what are you up to?”

“A party.”

“A party that you can’t bring a friend to?”

“It’s not that type of party, plus it’s not my party.”

“Well, make sure to let your friend know I’m offended.”

“I will make sure to let the DA know you’re offended,” you scoff without thinking.

“Oh?”

“I’m best friends with his son and Jacob invited me. No more and no less. District Attorney Barber is happily married.”

“I guess I’ll just have to try again another time,” he shrugs with a mournful sigh. “I’m not a man who gives up easily,” he winks before getting up and walking away.

It takes all of your energy not to let out a frustrated sigh and slam your hand down on your desk, but you remember how much you make and that you have bills. You grab your phone and instantly start to text Andy, before remembering that you have to stop going to him about everything. You want to tell Jacob, but you know he’ll just rip his head off. Telling Sarah is basically the same the thing as telling Jacob, so you just throw your phone back into your drawer and let out frustrated sigh and fight back tears.

It hasn’t even been a full day, and you miss the fuck out of Andrew Steven Barber.

Andy’s P.O.V

“Andy, did you hear me?” Lynn asks as she shakes me out of my thoughts.

“I’m sorry, I’m here. What’s going on?”

“Tonight, for the award-”

“Oh yeah, no, that’s completely taken care of. Jacob is going to present it since Laurie isn’t coming.”

“Is everything okay there?”

“Not really, no, but you’ve known that for a while,” I smile weakly as I take off my glasses and look up at her.

“Andy, if this is anything I did-”

“Laurie was Laurie long before anything happened with Jacob. The cracks were always there, we both just decided to pretend they weren’t. We were never supposed to end up together.”

“Andy-”

“It’s fine, Lynn. Sometimes things just don’t work out.”

“Andy, its not that work hasn’t been amazing as always, but you just seem far away. You’ve been going non-stop for a few years now, and it’s understandable if you want a break-”

“I’m fine, Lynn. I’m just tired of fighting her on this divorce. I’m tired of a lot of things. Work keeps me going and that’s what I need right now.”

“Andy-”

“Jacob is graduating soon and he’s gonna propose to Sarah this upcoming Summer. Probably his birthday, cause their anniversary isn’t until Fall. I need something to keep me going, Lynn.”

“Just...just let me know if you need time, okay?”

“Will do,” I tell her reassuringly as she gives me a small smile.

As she walks out, I can’t help but think of you. All I want is you. Every time I have to leave you, it’s the hardest thing in the fucking world. Now, I don’t even get to leave you, and for what? What’s the reason for two adults not being together? One way or another, I’m leaving Laurie, so that just leaves Jacob. I’m putting my happiness on hold for my son, who is moving out and getting married soon anyway?

I owe him that though. I owe him and I owe you.

You’ve been through so much already and you don’t need anymore shit messing up your life. You don’t need me messing up your life. This town is so fucking stupid for not even trying to understand what a beautiful soul you are. You’re courageous, funny, charismatic, caring, generous, thoughtful, and...

And what am I doing?

I can’t fall for you. We can never happen, so I need to get over whatever the hell is going on in my head. This isn’t serious, I’m just upset. I’m hurt and you’re a more than welcomed distraction.

Except you aren’t.

You are so much more than that. When I’m around you, I feel like I can finally breathe again. Your smile lights up my heart and when you laugh, I swear it’s a melody God composed just for me. Holding you has now become an all consuming addiction for me and I don’t known how the hell I’m supposed to survive without it now.

How the hell I’m supposed to survive without you.

Everything about you is everything that I love. It’s insane ton me that no one sees all the love you have inside, and all the kindness you hold in your heart, and it infuriates me that people let you down at every turn. I don’t want to be another selfish asshole to let you down though, so if you saying that we need to stop seeing each is for the best....

I run a frustrated hand through my hair and let out an exasperated sigh, as I take out my phone and look for the one video that always makes me smile when I’m fed up and overwhelmed.

“Andy! I know how to drive!” you laughed as you slowly turn the corner.

“There’s no one on the road and you’re driving at the speed of ‘no’.”

“Your car is nice! I don’t wanna damage it!”

“You’re not gonna damage my car at 2am! If you were this nervous about it, why did you offer to drive it?”

“Cause it’s a really nice car and I really wanted to drive it,” you told me innocently as I burst out laughing. “Besides, you’re the one who wanted to go out at 2 in the morning for ice cream!”

“I had a hankering,” I shrugged as you started laughing again.

“And you couldn’t bother Jacob because....?”

“He’s a terrible conversationalist this late, especially when you first wake him up.”

“That’s a painfully good point,” you giggled as you came to a complete stop.

“The ice cream is right there! Why are you stopping?!”

“Cause there’s a fucking stop sign! It’s the law! You of all people should know that!”

“I’m not a fucking cop!”

“You’re just as good as one!”

“You’re insane, did you know that?”

“Why are you recording me anyway?”

“So, that the next time you tell me you’re a perfectly capable driver, I can pull up the this video and show you that you are not,” I snickered.

You deadpan and turned towards me, before flipping me off, and there was no way to stop the full bodied laugh that left my body.

“I am a capable driver! We got here in one piece, didn’t we?” you laughed as you finally pulled into the parking lot.

“Sweetheart, we left your place at 2 and we’re just getting here at 2:20.”

“So?”

“It’s a 10 minute drive!”

“It’s a 24 hour ice cream shop!”

“Thank God, or else I’d be fucked.”

“Oh fuck off,” you laughed as turned the car off.

That was the best night I’d had in a while and it made me realize a lot of things. Things that felt guilty for...things I still feel guilty for. I had more of a connection with my best friend’s son than I ever had with my own wife, and I had only known you for...2 months? How fucking pathetic is that?

We sat on the hood of my car that night, eating ice cream and talking until the sun came up. We were both so open and vulnerable with each other and that’s when I started that things were different. I wanted to change so many things after that night, but it was out of my control. All of this has felt out of my control and I can’t change that, can I?

I can’t stop myself from loving you, believe me, I fucking tried.

Before we left, you took a selfie of us as the sun was coming up, and it’s my favorite photo ever. Your smile is so big and genuine and I’d never felt so content in my life.

Ugh, what the fuck am I doing? I can’t do this to you. I can’t put you through more hell. That’s not love, but holy fuck do I wish you feel my love for you. Feel it and know just how great and deep it is.

As I look at the photo of us, I know what I have to do tonight. No, I don’t like it one bit and it’ll hurt like a mother fucker, but what else can i do? Staying away is in your best interest, and I’ll do anything to keep you happy. Happy and safe.

How else am I supposed to show you just how much I love you?

Y/N’s P.O.V

“I’m sure you look amazing!” Sarah sighs from your phone as you finish up a few last minute touches on your hair.

“I should have gotten a different dress,” you mutter as you look yourself over in the mirror. “My shoes are all wrong.”

“Stop it, no they aren’t. If it makes you feel any better, Mr. Barber seems to be just as anxious as you are.”

“He’s getting an award tonight.”

“Yeah okay, we’ll blame it on that. That makes sense,” she scoffs. “Listen, we’re gonna be leaving soon, so just clam down. I’m sure you look beautiful and we’re all gonna have a great time tonight. Just take a deep breath and we’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Sounds good,” you sigh before hanging up.

You know that everything is fine, but the thought of seeing Andy after everything that happened last night, it’s just too much. You know you can always say that you just don’t want to go, but you also can’t. Not when it’s this close and not when you’re so desperate to see Andy. Even if you can’t hold him, you can still hear his voice, and that’s better than nothing.You start pacing around in your apartment, trying to relax and telling yourself it’ll be okay. For fucks sake, you’re going to be in public with the man. If neither of you would act on anything private, there’s no way anything is gonna happen in public.

But still. The thought alone of just seeing Andy makes your whole body hot, and feel insanely alive all at once. Plus, you know Andy is going to look amazing, because he always does. How you’re supposed to be out with all of them tonight and not think some of the thoughts that you’ve been thinking lately is beyond you.

There’s also the fact that it’s just Andy. Andrew Steven Barber. In such a fast amount of time, he’s become the center of your world. You want to keep him safe, happy, laughing, and...

Well, you want him to feel loved.

Whether it’s late night drives, late night phone calls, movie nights, listening to him vent, holding him while you two sit in silence, or just indulging in his favorite movies when he’s frustrated...you want him to know that he’s so insanely loved.

That he’s insanely loved by you.

You can’t love him though. You’re not supposed to. He has been off limits since the day you met, even before then. Maybe it would be different if you two would have met when you were younger, but Laurie made sure that didn’t happen. No, when you finally met Andy, you were both adults and all of the rules that should’ve been in place went out the damn window.

Now, you’re just a woman with a broken heart, in love with a man that can never be yours.

Your phone buzzing pulls you out of your thoughts, and you take a deep breath before looking at it.

The Dark Lord: We’re here!

You look yourself over in the mirror one more time, making sure your grandmother’s blue, rhinestone encrusted butterfly pins are set perfectly, before grabbing your coat and purse, and slowly make your way out.

“Your hair looks amazing!” Sarah beams as you get in the backseat of Andy’s Audi.

“It’s alright.”

“No, it looks so good! I love it so much!”

“It really does look great,” Jacob smiles as he turns to look at you from the front seat.

“And you all haven’t even seen my outfit,” you laugh nervously as you close the door behind you. “Thanks for the ride, Mr. Barber.”

“Thanks for coming,” he smiles as your from rear view mirror, “your hair really does look nice.”

“Thanks, yours doesn’t look so bad yourself,” you smile softly as you put on your seat belt. “Excited for your award tonight?”

“I have a feeling that it’s out of pity, so no,” he scoffs as he pulls off.

“Dad, you’ve worked hard your entire career,” Jacob encourages “you deserve this.”

“It would be a lot easier to believe if-”

“Mr. Barber,” you interrupt softly “you’ve dedicated your life to your career. I don’t know what the award is for, but I know you deserve it. The work you do always finds a way to show its reflection of yourself in life.”

“That’s funny,” Jacob chuckles “my dad always says that.”

Sarah gently squeezes your hand and gives you a sad but reassuring look.

You’re in for a long night.

**

“You haven’t danced all night!” Sarah whines as another song she loves comes on.

“Go dance with your boyfriend,” you snort as you take another sip of your whiskey neat.

“Are you going to be a sour puss the entire night?”

“Sarah, since I’ve taken my coat off, I have been hit on nonstop. The last thing I want is to go out on the floor and make it worse for myself. I should’ve gotten another dress,” you sigh, contemplating finishing off your drink completely.

“Okay, what happened?” she asks sincerely, taking a seat next to you “you weren’t completely defeated last night and now-”

“Laurie came over last night, while Andy was hiding in my bedroom-nothing happened,” you quickly explain once you see the look on Sarah’s face. “We were about to have dinner when Laurie came by, and Andy ran into my room to hide. Anyway, she came over and said...she said some things,” you scowl before downing the rest of drink, quickly standing up and grabbing another drink for both you and Sarah, as a waiter with full tray walks by.

“What things?” Sarah all but growls as she takes the drink from you.

“She has asked that I stay far away from Mr. Barber. I can continue to be friends with Jacob, and it’s fine that I came here tonight, but after all is said and done I need to stay away. I’m a threat to her marriage, even though I haven’t done anything, and that in order to keep her marriage to keep her marriage afloat, I can’t come around because I’m Andy’s type.”

When Sarah says nothing, you look up and see her trying her best to hold on to her resolve and you scoff.

“Yeah, that’s how I feel too.”

“She’s the one who cheated! She’s the one who said those nasty things about you!” Sarah whispers harshly.

“Which I reminded her of by telling her that I never made her feel as small as shes always made me feel, I never told Jacob and started drama, and I never made a scene.”

“What did Andy do?”

“He wanted to go after her and yell at her, but I stopped him.”

“Why-”

“It only would’ve made it worse. She doesn’t know we’ve been hanging out in secret, and she’d start a shit show. She wouldn’t care about the impact that it would have on Andy or Jacob-”

“Or you.”

“I don’t matter in all of this,” you smile sorrowfully at her.

“Babe, yes you do-”

“Jacob has been through enough and so has Andy. Why the hell should they have to endure more hell over me? Because I’m in love?”

“Because you deserve to be happy!”

“Sometimes we just don’t get what we want, and that’s fine. At some point, I’ll get over it and things will be alright.”

“He shouldn’t be with her!”

“That doesn’t mean he should be with me, Sarah,” you sigh as you fight back your tears. “I can’t force him to leave her, I’m not going to beg him to leave her, and I’m damn sure not about to make anyone’s life harder. I know Andy is pushing for a divorce, and I hope he gets it, but him being with me will never be okay. Age difference aside, she’s going to turn this whole town against him, and hes worked too hard. Hes done too much, and Jacob? You and Jacob?”

“We can all just move!”

“Sarah-”

“Why can’t you both be happy? Why does she have to win? Yeah, Mr. Barber and Jacob deserve to be happy, but so do you! He wants to be happy with you! He loves-”

“Don’t,” you warn as a single tear falls from your eyes. “Just don’t.”

“This isn’t right and you know it.”

“Why can’t you just-”

“Because you’re my best friend too! You have been through so much and you’ve handled it so much better than anyone deserves. If it were me, I would’ve gone off on everyone a million times over. Both you deserve a win! You deserve a win,” she sniffles softly as she wipes her eyes.

“Sarah-”

“Hey, what’s going...babe, what’s wrong?” Jacob asks, instantly seeing the distressed look on Sarah’s face and tears in her eyes.

“Nothing, I just need to go for a walk,” she sobs before getting up and quickly making her way out.

Jacob looks to you and you just shake your head “go after to her and clam her down.”

“What-”

“Just go, Jacob.”

“Fucks sake,” he sighs before following after her.

“What the fuck was that about?” Andy whispers as he takes a seat next to you.

“Just spreading holiday cheer,” you smile sarcastically as you raise your glass and take a sip. “Seems like everyone is a fan of you tonight.”

“Honey, please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Don’t. Don’t do that when you already know what’s wrong.”

“Listen, just because-”

“Andy!” a tall man greets, pulling both of you out of conversation.

You look him over and instantly recognize who he is.

“Neal,” Andy greets with a warm smile.

“Just wanted to congratulate you on tonight, you’ve more than earned it.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“I’m sorry, don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t think we’ve met,” Neal smiles at you, and you glare straight through him.

Fuck Neal Loguidice.

“Neal, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Neal Loguidice,” Andy smiles awkwardly, noticing that your glare isn’t going anywhere.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Neal smiles at you as he looks you over, extending his hand, which you just stare at.

It’s Andy’s job to place nice with his coworkers, not yours. Neil fucked over both you guys so, as far as you’re concerned, he can go fuck himself.

“Well,” Neal starts awkwardly as he clears his throat, “I guess I’ll see you around, Andy.

He’s quick to smile with a small nod before almost rushing off.

“Well, I guess that’s that.”

“Fuck Neal,” you mutter before taking a sip of your drink.

“Sweetheart, lets take a trip to my office.”

“Lets not and say we did.”

“We need to talk.”

“This isn’t the time or the place.”

“Please, let’s just go to my office,” Andy pleads desperately.

You can hear the pain in his voice and it only makes all of it so much harder, “let’s go,” you mumble, standing up and grabbing your drink.

The walk to his office is tense, quiet, and fairly quick. You try to keep a good distance from him, but you also long to be near him. By the way he’s holding out his hand, (like he wants you to take it) he feels the same.

“Somehow it’s exactly how I thought it’d be, and at the same time, it’s not,” you comment with a soft smile as you take a seat in front of his desk.

“You’ve thought about my office?” Andy chuckles as he closes his door.

“You’ve called me from here enough, it’s hard not to wonder what the place you love so much looks like.”

“You know the place I love is any place you are,” he sighs heavily, taking a seat at his desk and opening the bottom drawer, “you look miserable.” He takes out a glass and a bottle of bourbon, “I feel like I’ve done nothing but make your life miserable, and that makes me feel like shit, cause you’ve done nothing but make mine better. In so many ways.”

“It’s nothing you’ve done and you know that.”

“Me not being in your life would make it better though, wouldn’t it?”

Your silence just causes him to shake his head as he pours himself a drink.

“Y/N-”

“What do you want me to say? Obviously, there are parts that would be easier if we weren’t as close as we are, but since you’ve been in my life, I’ve been happy. So fucking happy. I look forward to our late night calls and texts, I’m so happy when you randomly stop by and we go on drives, I can listen to you talk about anything forever, I just...you’re married and I’m the town whore,” you scoff.

“Stop that, you didn’t do anything-”

“It doesn’t matter, Andy. You heard Laurie last night! She believes I didn’t do anything, and she still wants me to stay the hell away from you!”

“Yeah well, Laurie’s a bitch,” he mutters before sipping on his bourbon, placing it back down.

“Andy-”

“What? It’s just you and me right now, there’s no need to lie. We don’t lie to each other and we’re not about to start now.”

“Andy-”

“Fuck her! Fuck her and this whole fucking town! You haven’t done anything to deserve this! I’m so sick-”

“Baby, there’s Jacob,” you interrupt softly, reaching your hand across his desk to hold his free hand.

“There’s Jacob,” he sighs heavily, grabbing his drink again with his other hand and taking a long sip from it. “You look so beautiful tonight. Absolutely gorgeous,” he smiles at you, his eyes watering a little.

“Please don’t-”

“I’m going to stay away. Even after all is said and done with Laurie, I’m going to stay away, because I refuse to be another person in your life to let you down. I love you too much for that and you deserve better. You deserve so much better from everyone, and I want to be someone who does that for you.”

“Andy, you know it’s not what I want-”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I know it’s not what either of us wants, but you’ll never do anything and I’ll never ask you to. Enough has happened and this is for the best. It’s the right thing to do...you feel it’s the right thing to do, and I’ll abide by that.”

“Andy, I...wait a minute, what do you mean you love me?”

“What do you mean what do I mean? I love you. Of course I love you, how could I not?”

“Wait, you can’t-”

“You don’t get to tell me what I do and don’t feel, sweetheart. You are funny, kind, charismatic, tough, sexy, energetic, witty, smart as hell...I could go on forever,” he chuckles humorlessly as he grabs his glass and takes another sip. “I love you just as much as you love me.”

“You don’t know that I love you-”

“You’re not as slick as you think you are, sweetheart.”

“I don’t want to-”

“I don’t want to love you either, but it’s starting to feel like we didn’t have much of a choice. All I want is for you to tell me the truth. In this room, in this moment, tell me the truth,” he begs softly.

You give his hand another gentle squeeze and a weak smile as tears start to fall from your eyes, “I love you, too.”

“I’ll stay away from you. I’ll stay away and keep you safe.”

“Andy-”

“It’s the least I can do. Like I told you before, you’re the least selfish person I know. It’s time you get something back.”

“I don’t want this, Andy.”

“Neither do I, sweetheart. However, you think this will be best, so I’m abiding by your rules.”

“If you don’t want this, why are you-”

“Because you do, and I love you. When you love someone, you don’t force your ideas and wants on them, you listen to them and do you your best to make them happy.”

“Andy-”

“I love you, Y/N. It’s as simple as that. If this makes your life easier, I’ll do it. Anything that makes you breathe a little easier, I’ll do it.”

For the next 10 minutes, neither of you say anything to each other. You just sit there in silence, sobbing softly while you both drink, holding hands. It’s the closest to heaven you’re going to get, so you just want to live in it as long as possible.

However, you both know you need to get back and that Jacob’s patience is wearing thin, so you’re the first to get up and head back. When you get back to the table, both Jacob and Sarah look irritated.

Great.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a moment?” Jacob asks softly, standing up once you reach the table.

“I’d really rather not.”

“Y/N.”

“Why?”

“Just come on,” he scowls, taking a hold of your wrist and practically dragging you out of the room.

“What the fuck?!” you yell the second you two are outside.

“What is going on with you?”

“Jacob-”

“No, you protect me from everything and everyone all the time, but this is the first time that you’re not letting me do it for you. Sarah won’t tell me a damn thing, you’ve been distant and moody, getting you to hangout is like pulling teeth, and I’m fucking worried about you!” he shouts, almost out of breath.

The sight of him has your eyes welling up all over again. His eyes show nothing but pure and genuine concern, his shoulders are tense, and he looks like he’s at his wits end.

This is why you can never be with Andy.                  

“I’m fine, Jake,” you sob.

“Hey, it’s me. You can always talk to me. What happened? Did someone hurt you? Is it your boss? Did I do something? Y/N, please just talk to me.”

“I’m just never...I’m just unhappy with my life right now. I’m so fucking unhappy and I feel like that’s just how it’s always going to be,” you cry, finally letting go.

“Hey no, that’s not true at all! Stop it,” Jacob coos softly as he wraps you in a tight hug. “This isn’t like you at all, Y/N. What happened?”

All you can do is continue to sob, so Jacob walks you both over to a nearby bench and sits you both down. You continue to cry into Jacob’s shoulder, and he gently strokes your back. You can’t help but feel like a complete idiot.

Why did you set yourself up? You’ve always known that Andy is off limits, so why did you ever start making yourself available to him? Why did you ever let yourself get excited at the thought of spending time with him? Him opening up made you feel so fucking special and for what? Him memorizing all of the things you love and make you happy; it shouldn’t have mattered at all.

But it did.

Andy Barber was the first man you’d ever met that made you feel like you were more than just an object; more than just a thing to fulfill men’s fantasies. He took the time to know you, he took the time to learn all of the things you love and make you smile. He was always there for you (no matter how big or large the problem was), he was always able to make you laugh, he was always able to pull you back when you’d go too far off the deep end. He always listened to you without judgment...from the day you two met, Andy had been everything you dreamed of and more.

Even Jacob, with all of his well-intentions, he still looked at you with bedroom eyes from time to time. Hell, he still does every once in a while. Maybe it’s because Andy’s older and more experienced, but he has never made you feel like you’re good for only one thing. From day one, Andy has always made you feel like a person instead of an object. He made you feel like everything about you mattered, not just the parts that could get men off.

“Tell me what’s going on, Y/N,” Jacob coos as your tears finally start to slow.

“My fucking parents,” you lie, trying to calm down and figure out the most believable thing to tell him. “The fucking holidays...they know Christmas is my favorite fucking holiday and they’re bickering about who I should spend it with. When in reality, I don’t want to spend it with either of them.”

“Just spend it my family. My mom loves you, you and my dad are best friends whenever you two are around one another, you and Sarah are best friends-”

“No, it’s not...it’s not just that. I fucking hate this stupid town. I just...I’m just worn out, Jake. I’m exhausted and just need a fucking break. I wish I could just start over and be someone else.”

“The world would be a much shittier place if you weren’t you. Why didn’t you just come and talk to me?”

“You have so much going on already-”

“Listen, you are the best friend I could ever have. You make all of the time in the world for me, of course I’d do the same for you. I just realized that I’m an asshole who dragged you out here without a coat. Lets get back inside,” he smiles and chuckle, wiping your eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just know that there isn’t anything you can’t tell me. I’m always here for you, no matter what,” he promises sincerely.

Well, if you didn’t feel like shit before, you sure as fuck do now.

You two head back inside and when you get back to the table, it’s obvious to you that Sarah and Andy had a talk. Andy looks defeated and Sarah looks even more heartbroken than she did before.

“What’s wrong with you two?” Jacob laughs as he takes a seat.

“I think I’m going burn these shoes,” Sarah laughs.

“I told you you’d end up hating them!”

“But they were so cute!” she laughs as he dips down to kiss her. “Next time just carry me out of the store.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he smirks “dad, what’s up with you?”

“Just wish tonight could’ve gone differently.”

“Don’t let mom being mom ruin this for you. It was a great night and I’m sure she’ll regret it. Just focus on everyone here who actually supports you.”

“You’re right,” Andy smiles weakly. “Lets say we get out of here, huh?”

“Yeah, I don’t think my feet can tolerate much more of this,” Sarah laughs as she stands up.

“Dad, it really was a great night,” he tells him reassuringly before taking his suit jacket off the back of his chair.

If only Jacob knew how shitty the night really went.

**

The days leading up to Christmas are the loneliest days you’ve ever experienced. Some days, you’re able to talk yourself out of a breakdown, and other days they’re unavoidable. Since you can’t talk to or see Andy, you settle for the next best thing: watching old video and reading through old text messages. It’s the only thing you can think of to dull the pain without actually seeing him. Every day you hope he’ll cave, but you know he won’t because that’s not who he is.

That’s not the man you fell in love with.

It doesn’t help that Jacob keeps begging you to come over for Christmas. You know he means well, and that it’s part your fault because you lied to him at the party, but the thought of seeing him with her fills you with so much anger. It’s all bullshit, because he isn’t happy at all. Having to sit there and watching them fake it for hours will only drive you insane. Plus, you know she’ll make a show of it because you’ll be there, and that’ll only anger Andy and make him uncomfortable, and you could never do that to him.

Sarah’s been giving you small updates from time to time, and she says he’s barely home. When he is, he’s a recluse, the arguments have gotten louder, and he’s easily irritated. Part of you wishes she wouldn’t tell you anything, because all it does is make things harder, but at the same time you’re happy to get them. You want updates on him because you need to know how he is. The fact that he’s so unhappy and frustrated makes you even more upset. You just want to hold him and make everything better, but you can’t. You want to take a late night drive with him and tell him it’ll get better, but you can’t. You want to take care of him the way hes always taken care of you, but you can’t.

You just want your Andy to be okay.

Eventually you got Jacob off your back about Christmas by lying and saying you decided to spend it with your mother, because you’re worried about her, which is why you’re now laid out on your sofa (in just the extra large AC/DC crew neck he got you on a whim), watching ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ while eating a pint of strawberry cheesecake ice cream. You can’t have your ideal Christmas, so you may as well settle for second best.

You roll your eyes when you hear your cell phone going off and choose to ignoring (hoping that Jacob, your mother, or father) would take the hint and go away. However, when it goes off for a second time, you scowl before answering it.

“Hello?” you answer harshly, hoping whoever is on the other line will take the hint and go away.

“Well, Merry Christmas to you too,” a familiar deep voice responds with a soft chuckles.

“Andy?”

“Hey sweetheart.”

“What...you can’t-”

“I told everyone I needed to go for a drive, it’s fine.”

“We’re not supposed to-”

“Come to the window,” he demands softly.

Almost instantly, you’re on your feet and looking out of the full window in your small living area, “you get to see me but I don’t get to see you? That’s not fair.”

“Let me rectify that,” he laughs before letting his window down and smiling up at you, “better?”

“Much,” you smile with a small wave “why aren’t you home?”

“I am now.”

“Andy.”

“It’s Christmas. I wanted to get as close to being with the one I love as I could.”

“Andy-”

“You have amazing legs, sweetheart. Is that the AC/DC crew neck I got you?”

“It is,” you laugh softly with a small sniffle.

“Are those tattoos I see on your thighs?”

“Yes they are,” you laugh, remembering how much your mom hated them and cried when she first saw them.

“How did I not notice them at the party?”

“The dress covered them.”

“Well, I was robbed.”

“Andy,” you laugh “what are you doing here?”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby.”

“I also dropped off your Christmas present.”

“What?! Andy-”

“Relax,” he laughs softly “it’s not some big to-do. I know you’d hate that.”

“I didn’t get you anything! I wasn’t-”

“Seeing you right now is a gift, even if it’s not exactly the way I want it to go. I’m happy, honey. This is more than enough.”

“Andy...” you trail off, fighting back tears.

“Go to the door and get your present. God, you don’t know how hard it was for me to not knock on that fucking door.”

“How long have you been out there?” you ask as you make your way over to your door, quickly opening and closing the door after you pick up the neatly wrapped gift.

“Longer than I should,” he laughs.

“You didn’t have to do anything for me,” you smile softly as you sit on the window sill.

“Open it!”

“I am! So damn pushy,” you laugh as you pull the wrapping paper off. “Oh...Andy...this is so fucking thoughtful.”

“I did good?”

“I’m putting it in bedroom and the other on my key chain holding my car keys and the key to my apartment,” you sob as you look over the thoughtful gifts.

One of was a medium sized framed picture of the selfie you two took while sitting on the hood of Andy’s car, while the sun rose and you two eat ice cream. The other, was a quote from ‘To Have and To Have Not’ that said “If you want anything, just whistle.”

“I should have gotten you something,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes.

“This is more than enough.”

“I love you, Andy. God, I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too, honey.”

“You should be here.”

“I know I should be,” he sighs heavily “how’s ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ going?”

“Same as it always goes,” you laugh softly.

“I’m gonna go.”

“Please...just a couple more minutes?”

“You don’t know how hard it was for me to not knock on your door and beg you to let me in.”

“Who says you would have had to beg me for anything?”

“Honey.”

“I just...I keep thinking what this day would’ve been like if I spent it with you. Really spent it with you.”

“Yeah? What do you have in mind?”

“We would’ve had breakfast together, watched sappy Christmas movies, exchanged gifts, watched more movies together...”

“And then what?”

“Hands where I can see ‘em, Barber,” you smirk and he chuckles “we would have taken turns showing each other how we appreciate each other.”

“Tell me not to come up there right there right now and show you how much I love you.”

“Don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it can’t happen, baby.”

“I just want to be with you, honey.”

“I feel the same,” you smile weakly.

“I’m gonna go. Merry Christmas, I love you.”

“I love you, Andy. Merry Christmas.”

As you watch him drive off after he hangs up, you clutch the key chain tighter  and wish that you’re selfish enough to tell him to stay. All you want is to fall asleep and wake up him by your side, holding you close and kissing you deeply. It’s not fucking fair that the one person who finally makes you feel alive is the one person you can’t be with.

So, from that day on you’re even more frustrated and irritated. Why can’t she just give him the damn divorce? He clearly doesn’t want to be with her, so what the hell she still trying to hold on to. She knows that Andy will give her whatever she wants, so why she can’t she just let it go? As for Jacob...if he really hates the idea of you then obviously you’d back off, but what it really be so bad to try?

Ugh, you don’t know why you keep thinking about it, because it can’t happen. Even with Laurie gone and Jacob magically accepting it, there’s still the fact that you have a reputation that will never change. You could never do that to him. He’s been through enough, and the last thing you want is to add another obstacle and frustration to his life.

You can’t be with him, so you just need to let it go. You need to let all ideas of Andy Barber go.

“Darling,” your father calls, pulling you out of your thoughts “you didn’t answer my question.”

“I didn’t hear it,” you mumble before taking a sip of your coffee.

“Are you going to be mad at me forever?”

“Can we not do this today? It’s a nice Spring day and I’m just not in the mood.”

“You’re acting like I’m some sort of-”

“First of all, I’m not acting like anything. You’re an asshole and you know what you did was fucked up. I know how you lost all the money in the first place. You gambled it all away, not giving a damn that you had a wife and child at home. You did what you wanted, then picked fights with mom over it. THEN, you somehow managed to beat the odds and win the fucking lottery, and you’re still a dick. You start seeing her,” you snap looking over at his young bride “and start picking the most idiotic fights with mom. Then, to top it all off, you fucking leave like a coward. In the middle of the night so you don’t have to deal with any of the aftermath. As if that wasn’t bad enough, you had my best friend’s dad serve mom the papers! So let’s not sit here and pretend you’re not a complete dick, because you are. Second, you brought her here and didn’t bother to fucking tell me about it, because you knew I wouldn’t fucking show if she came. You’re trying to force me to be okay with her, when you know I’ll never be okay.”

“Y/N-”

“You left!” you snapped, slamming your down on the table. “You left and you left me all alone to clean up the mess that you made! I don’t wanna hear it!”

“Y/N-” his new wife starts.

“If you wanna leave this place without a broken fuckin’ nose, I suggest you shut up,” you warn, glaring at her. “As for you, don’t sit here and act like it’s damn surprise that the sight of you makes me sick!”

“What about you?! It’s not like you’re some saint! Everyone knows that Laurie Barber doesn’t want you around her husband!”

“That’s because she’s a cunt! I haven’t laid a hand on Mr. Barber and I haven’t seen him in months! Don’t try to paint us as one and the same, because we are so much less alike than you’d ever think!”

“Y/N, stop. I had no right and I’m sorry-”

“Jesus, are we done here? Have we put one another through enough?”

“Y/N-”

“Are we done?!”

“Yes,” he sighs sorrowfully, hanging his head in defeat.

“Fucking amazing,” you mutter before throwing your towel down and getting up “feel free to never call me again.”

As you walk out, you can’t help but feel bad. Yes, your father has had it coming for years, but your outburst wasn’t because he’s a piece of shit, it was because you miss Andy. You haven’t seen him since Christmas and it’s driving you insane. Is that all you two have now? Stolen moments on holidays? Stolen moments where you two can’t even touch or hold one another? Why can’t you just let it go? Why can’t you let Andy go?

You’ve studied the photo he gave you for Christmas a million times, hell you even hold while you sleep sometimes. Why? Because it’s all you have. Sometimes, you tell yourself that you’ll just move and start over, but just makes everything hurt more.Yeah, you’re away from him now, but being another state away? Another country? It’s just too much.

You try to get your mood together as you get ready to go over Jacob’s house, but you know he won’t be there and she will be. How you haven’t got into an all out fist fight with Laurie Barber yet is beyond you, but with the way your day is going, you won’t count anything. As you try to put together a decent enough outfit, your phone goes off and you pray it’s someone who won’t want to make you throw yourself out of a window.

“Hello?”

“So, I hear you went to lunch with your father and I’m the big bad witch.”

Prayer denied. “Hi mom.”

“I don’t know why you even bothered to go at all, why you try to have a relationship with him.”

“The same reason we keep up this charade, mom: he won’t leave me alone.”

“Don’t be a bitch.”

“You started it.”

“Why don’t you settle down? Everyone knows you love older men, and older men love to settle down. Laurie Barber is so desperate to keep you away from her husband, why don’t you go after him?”

“It’s 5:30 in the evening, mom. You’re this drunk already?”

“Well, I was bored,” she sighs with a humorless laugh.

“Unfortunately, I don’t have time to entertain you. Talk to you later,” you mutter before hanging up and almost throwing your phone down.

It’s not like you were in a good mood to begin with, but after having to deal with, but there’s no way in fuck you can be in the Barber household right now, especially with Laurie being there. You let out a heavy sigh knowing that the call you’re about to make isn’t going to go well.

“Hey!” Jacob answers enthusiastically and it only makes you feel worse. “Are you on your way?”

“I uh...I’m not coming. You guys have fun without me.”

“Y/N-”

“I don’t need it today, Jake. I had the lunch from hell with my father and then my mother called me, drunk, and decided to tell me that she thinks everyone in town still thinks that I’m a whore.”

“What the...are you serious?!”

“Don’t Jake, just don’t.”

“She can’t talk to you like that!”

“She’s my mother, apparently she can do whatever she wants.”

“I’m gonna-”

“You’re not going to do anything, Jake. Just leave it alone. I’ll handle all of it at some point, I just need to decompress.”

“So you’re gonna find someone to sleep with?”

“Well, I haven’t been fucked in months and I’m having the day from hell, so why not?”

“It seems like you’re always having the day from hell.”

“Jesus, not you too! Can I just catch a fucking break?! We can argue tomorrow?!”

“I miss my best fucking friend! I feel like I haven’t seen you in-”

“Jacob, when you’re in this house, watch your mouth!” you hear Laurie yell and you feel your blood start to boil.

“Jake, I’m sorry I let you down and I love you to death, but I can’t fucking do this right now. I need time away.”

“Fine, whatever. Talk to tomorrow,” he grumbles before hanging up

You can’t catch a fucking break.

You throw your phone down before heading into your bedroom and searching your closet. Maybe getting fucked will help you. No, it obviously won’t be getting fucked by the man you want, but something has to be better than nothing at this point...right?

You pull out one of your sexier dresses, making sure to tie it low, so there’s a good view of your cleavage,you wear your favorite skinny open-toed black heels, and apply your makeup perfectly. It’s not lost on you how good you look, and you’re hoping to be back at your place soon enough, but all of it feels wrong. If you’re not going home with the one you want, why are you going out at all?

The only thing you can come up with is that you need some sort of release before you snap on someone.

By the time your car service pulls up to the bar, you’re regretting going out at all, but you have to try. You can’t make your whole life about Andy, and you have to try and move on. Moving on doesn’t mean finding Mr. Right, it just means not letting yourself get wrapped up in one person that you can never be with. You’re determined to leave with someone.

However, by hour two of your excursion, you’re ready to throw in the towel.

It’s not like you haven’t been hit on by attractive men, but they’re all the wrong men. The more you try and force yourself to be engaged and attracted, the less you feel encouraged to go through your plan. As you sit at the bar, wondering why you can’t just give him up. ‘How Do I Make You Love Me?’ by the Weeknd starts playing.

“Well, this is a welcomed surprise,” a deep familiar voice says as he takes a seat next to you.

“Of all the gin joints in the world,” you smirk before finishing your drink “how may I help you, Mr. Barber? This really isn’t the type of place I ever expected to find you in.”

“Wasn’t my idea,” he smirks as he nods towards the other end of the bar, a few of his friends nodding at the both of you.

“Why aren’t you at...cause I’m supposed to be at your house right now,” you chuckle humorlessly as the bartender brings you another whiskey neat.

“How many of those have you had?”

“Not enough,” you grin “I’m sure Laurie called you to tell you it’s safe to come home.”

“I don’t want to be in that house.”

“And why is that, Mr. Barber?” you slur slightly as you turn to look at him.

“It’s not a home unless you’re there and you know that,” he confesses softly. “Why are you here?”

“I’m trying to get over you.”

“Don’t do that,” he begs quicker than he means to.

‘How do I make you love me? (How do I make you fall for me?)’

“Why not?”

“Because you’re mine and I’m yours. Don’t throw us away so quickly.”

‘How do I make you want me? (And make it last eternally?)’

“Don’t.”

“You’re right, lets get you home.”

“That defeats the purpose.”

“Don’t make me watch you go home with someone else, please.”

“You can leave now.”

“I don’t wanna leave without you.”

‘I only want what’s right in front of me.

It’s quite unusual, seeking approval,

Begging for it desperately’

“We can’t keep doing this to each other,” you tell him softly as you look away from him.

“Let me take you home,” he begs softly.

“What if I said I don’t want you to take me home?”

“I’d call you a big fucking liar,” he smirks before looking at the bartender “she’s done here and would like to settle her tab,” he smiles as he pulls out his wallet.

“Andy-”

“If I hadn’t see you, I would be able to pretend,” he confesses softly as he hands the bartender his card, “but I wouldn’t leave until I saw you leave, and it would fucking kill me.”

“Andy-”

“I love you, Y/N. God, I love you so fucking much, and it drives me insane, because I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t want to fall asleep next to you every night, I shouldn’t want to hear your voice every second of every day, I shouldn’t want to hear what my name sounds like when it leaves your lips as I fuck you senseless, I shouldn’t want to shower you with gifts, I shouldn’t want to kiss you all the time, I shouldn’t fucking love you, Y/N. Even if there wasn’t Laurie, even if you weren’t Jacob’s best friend, you’ve been through enough hell and you deserve to be young and finally fucking have fun. You should be hooking up, dating around, and just having fun. We shouldn’t be what we fucking are to each other, but I just...Jesus, I love you. I’ve tried to stop and do the right thing, but I just...you live in my head and my heart. I can’t get you out, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, because I don’t want to be another person in your life asking too much of you,” he finishes, letting out a defeated sigh as the bartender hands him his card. “If I hadn’t been here tonight, I could pretend that you’re at home watching ‘Casablanca’ for the millionth time, but I’m here and I see how you look. Someone else being buried deep inside you, feeling your warmth, getting to know you intimately...I just can’t handle that. Finish your drink and I’ll let the guys know I’m taking you home,” he says softly before walking.

You instantly down your drink, because what else can you do? The man just poured his heart out, telling you that he feels the exact same way you do, so what else are you supposed to do? You’re in public so you can’t cry, you can’t hug him, and you sure as shit can’t kiss him. All you can do is drink your fucking drink and ignore what you’re feeling.

As he makes his way back over to you, he cocks an eyebrow and you just nod. The walk to his car is quite and so is the car ride to your place. You want to say something, but you don’t know what to say. The only thing you can think of is how much you love him, how much you want him, and the fucking lyrics to that song.

‘How do I make you love me? (How do I make you fall for me?)

How do I make you want me? (And make it last eternally?)’

All you want is Andy and you want everything with him forever. It also doesn’t help that his confession about wanting to fuck you senseless won’t stop playing in your brain on surround sound. You know that part of the reason for it is because you’re touch starved, but it’s not like that matters much anyway.

The only touch you’re starving for is Andy’s.

By the time he pulls into the parking garage of your complex, your brain is at war with itself and going a million miles a minute.

“You didn’t have park down here.”

“You’re drunk, I’m not letting you go up there on your own.”

“I can take the elevator, Andy.”

“Good, so I can drop you off and come right back down.”

“Andy-”

“Honey, it’s been a long fucking day. Just let me do this, please?”

“Fine,” you huff, getting out of the car and slamming the door shut.

“Why are you mad at me?”

“Like you said, it’s been a long a fucking day-”

“No, talk to me!” he snaps grabbing your wrist.

“Jesus Andy!” you yell, but as you turn to meet his gaze, you see that his eyes hold nothing but love and pure genuine concern.

Why are you two so fucking gone for one another?

“Andy...just let me go.”

“Talk to me.”

“This can’t ever...you deserve better! You talk about how much I’ve been through, what about you?!”

“What about me?”

“Your dad, losing your mom right before college, everything with Jacob, all of the shit Lauries’ put you through...you think I want you to have to deal with the scrutiny that comes with dating the town whore?”

“You’re not-”

“It doesn’t matter, Andy. They’re all committed to seeing me in that light-”

“But I’m not,”he says firmly, but his tone is still soft as softly grips your shoulders.

“Andy, I love you. It honestly hurts, because you were never...this was never supposed to happen. You’re a dream that’s never supposed to come true.”

“Sweetheart, you’ve always been my dream,” he tells you softly as he rests his forehead against yours.

You want to live in this moment forever.

“You have to get me upstairs,” you sigh, looking down at your fingers interlocked with his.

“We should get started then, shouldn’t we?” he questions so softly you barely hear it.

You two continue to hold hands as you walk to the elevator, and you don’t let go for the ride up to your floor. The only time Andy lets go of your hand is when you’re fishing out your keys, and even then he’s reluctant to let go.

“You’ll let me know when you’re home safe?” you question as you both step inside your apartment, but you can barely focus on hearing his answer.

“I always do. I’m sorry I-”

Before the last bit of the sober part of your brain can protest, you’re pulling Andy close and kissing him as if you’re life depends on it. It’s not desperate or messy, but it does a good job of showing just how much you need him. How much you’ve always needed him.

You expect him to stop and pull away, but his response is the exact opposite. He pins you against the wall and deepens it, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you as close to him as he can. His tongue traces the outline of your bottom lip as his hands start to explore your body, and you gladly give him access as you run your hands through his hair, gripping it just enough to get a grunt of approval.

It feels like you’re finally alive; every bit of your body tingles with excitement, and every part of you that he touches feels as if it’s on fire. You’ve never felt something so all consuming and powerful, and you never want it to end. Andy’s awoken something deep inside of you, and now you don’t know if you can survive without him.

You barely were before.

He starts to trail skillful kisses down your neck as he fumbles with the front of your shirt, trying to untie it, and it feels like heaven. “Andy,” you moan as your eyes flutter shut and you lull your head back.

He freezes almost instantly.

“Fuck!” he breathes heavily into the crook of your neck. “I gotta go. Shit!”

“What? No! Why-”

“Don’t, sweetheart,” he sighs as he stands up straight, “fuck, I’m so sorry-”

“Andy what did I do? What’s wrong?”

“You are perfect, you could never...it’s me. I know better and still...you’re drunk!”

“What does that have to do with anything? I love you whether I’m drunk or sober. I want you whether I’m drunk or sober.”

“It would be one thing if we were both drunk or sober, but I can’t do this and not feel like I’m taking advantage of you!”

“I kissed you!”

“Because you’re drunk!”

“Okay, so I acted on liquid courage, so what? It doesn’t change-”

“Honey, please.”

The look on his face lets you know that he’s at war with himself and it breaks your heart. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I can’t keep...you aren’t mine.”

“Yes I am, Andy,” you tell him softly holding his torn gaze. “I’m all yours and yours alone. No one’s touched me since that day you showed up at my apartment for drinks, and I’ve been in love with you since that night we went out for ice cream and watched the sunrise. I am all yours and I only ever want to be yours. Drunk or sober, you’re all I’ll ever want.”

“God, this isn’t fucking fair,” he grumbles, resting his forehead against yours. “I’m so fucking in love with you...I wish I could show you...I’m gonna go, sweetheart.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I don’t want to, but it’s for the best. I’ll text you when I’m there.”

“I love you.”

“I love you,” he sighs heavily, kissing your forehead before leaving.

In no time at all, you’re undressing yourself and getting yourself off in bed; Andy’s name leaving your lips every time you reach your climax. No, it’s not ideal and definitely how you wanted to end your night, but it’s enough.

For now.

**

Andy’s P.OV.

“Jesus Laurie, just drop it! It was three weeks ago and I told you about it!” I yell as we have the same argument, for what feels like the millionth time.

“What were you even doing in a club, Andy?!”

“You didn’t want me here, remember? You wanted me to out of the house, because Y/N was supposed to be here.”

“Well, she very clearly wasn’t, Andy! I text you that it was okay to come home-”

“I’m not a fucking dog, Laurie! You can’t just command me around-”

“I’m not trying to command you-”

“Yes you are! For fucks sake, just sign the divorce papers! There’s nothing to save! Let it go!”

“Stop saying that! What? Are you in love with someone else? Are you-”

“Yes Laurie, I am in love with someone else, and you refusing to do the one thing I ask you to do is making it all that much harder to move on!”

“Why am I the only one fighting to make this marriage work?!”

“Because you’re the one that cheated!” I shout as I make my way into the living room. “You never loved me, because you never knew the real me, and that’s fine. It’s my fault, but now...what’s the reason to keep this up? Jacob’s about to move out, you clearly have other interests-”

“That was once!”

“It was twice, and one of them was an actual fucking relationship! Laurie, I can’t keep-”

“I love you! I know I’ve fucked up and I’m sorry, but we can salvage this!”

“There’s nothing to-”

“Yes there is!” Laurie yells, throwing her glass down.

How the fuck did we end up like this?

“Look at us, Laurie. There’s nothing healthy or right about us anymore. We just don’t work anymore. This doesn’t work and there’s no reason for us to try and force it. Just let it go. Let me go. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“You just need time, Andy. We both do.”

“Laurie, I’m in love with someone else and I’ll be in love with her until my dying breath. I did everything in my power to fix this and now I’m tired. I’m tired and I’m done.”

“You just need time.”

“No, I need a fucking divorce. I’m done, Laurie.”

“I’ll spend the night at my parent’s place and give you time to think about it. We’ll talk about it more when I’m back in the morning.”

“Laurie, you can be gone for a week. You can leave for a month for all I care. I’ll still want a divorce!”

“Just think on it!” she snaps before heading upstairs.

I let out a frustrated grunt before heading into the kitchen and pouring myself a glass of bourbon. 12pm on a fucking Saturday and I’m already pouring myself a drink.

Great.

I don’t know how many times I can have the same fucking argument before I truly snap. I’ve done all I can to be graceful about this, and maybe that’s the fucking problem. I keep trying to spare Laurie’s feelings and am unable to show you that I’m all in.

It’s not like it’s lost on me that our relationship is going to be hard, but I don’t care. I don’t care about the stares, I don’t care about the whispers, and I don’t care about the backlash. Jacob? He’ll be pissed, but he’ll get over it. If he can’t...then it’ll just something else that we have to work through.

I love you. I just want to be with you.

“Alright, I’ll call tomorrow when I’m on my way back and we can-”

“Laurie, I’m moving out. I’ve found a condo and I’m gonna start packing up my stuff next week.”

“You just need time, Andy,” she mutters as her eyes start to water.

“Laurie, please just sign the damn papers. We tried and it just didn’t work-”

“We’ll talk when I get back tomorrow. We both just need to cool off,” she sniffs before turning and walking out.

Why can’t any of this be easy? I just want you. I just need you. For the sake of Jacob and you, I’d really rather not get into an all out war with Laurie over this, but I’m done. I can’t keep telling you I love you and not actually showing you. Not actually prove it. I’ve gotta figure out a way to get out of this and get you back in these arms where you belong.

I need to figure out how to make you mine.

Y/N’s P.O.V

As you pull up to the Barber household, you only see Andy’s car in the driveway.

Great.

You quickly pull out your phone and dial Jacob’s number, praying that he answers.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We should be leaving soon,” Jacob sighs as soon as he answers.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just didn’t think we’d be at her parents so long, and now I feel like an asshole because I bullied you into hanging out.”

“Don’t feel like an asshole,” you scoff, rubbing the back of your neck, “I’ll just head home and you can-”

“No no, just stay there. You know where the spare key is and I’m sure my parents won’t care. Just hangout in my room and we’ll meet you up there.”

“Jake-”

“No, because if you go home, you’re just gonna wanna hangout there for the night. We all swore that we were gonna go out tonight. Between work and school, we all need this.”

“I promise that I won’t make us all stay in the house.”

“You’re so full of shit,” he chuckles as you start laughing, “we really should be leaving soon. Just make yourself comfortable and we’ll see you in a bit.”

“Sounds good,” you smile before hanging up.

You know that it’s in your best interest to go home, especially since Andy’s home, but you don’t want to let Jacob down. You’ve been a moody bitch for months and it only got worse after everything that happened with Andy.

Andy.

You haven’t seen or spoken to him since you two briefly made out in your apartment. Hes tried calling and texting, but you’ve been too embarrassed and ashamed to answer. How could you be so careless? So empty headed? He’s married and you’re best friend’s dad. What made you think it okay?

The fact that you love him.

Drunk or sober, it was bound to happen. Trying to hide from your feelings could only get you so far for so long. You and Andy had been playing a dangerous games with fire for a while, and it only made sense for it all to come to a head when you’d been drinking.

However, facing him after everything...it feels impossible.

But you’re not about to let Jacob.

You take a deep breath before getting out of your car and looking the house over. You’ve been in this house a million times, but this feels so much heavier. It feels heavier and it feels wrong.

How are you supposed to go into the family house when you know you’re part of the reason it’s about to be broken up? No, you’re not the main reason, but it’s become very obvious didn’t start pushing hard for the divorce until you two started spending all your free time together. It also doesn’t help that you told him just how in love with him you are.

You let out an exasperated sigh and rest your head on the steering wheel. You owe Jacob, plus he said he’d be home soon. As long as you hide out in Jacob’s room and avoid Andy, you should be fine.

The second you get out the car, you race up the steps (not wanting to be seen my the neighbors for fear of them telling Laurie), grab the spare key from the inside of the porcelain frog that sits on the top step, and and practically run inside. You expect to be met with some sort of noise, but it’s eerily quiet.

“Hello?” you call out.

No response.

“Andy?”

Non response.

‘I guess he’s out with Laurie,’ you think to yourself with a shrug.

You check your phone and see that it’s 5:40. The plan was to head to the restaurant at 6, so you just have to hold out for a little bit. You quickly make your way upstairs, and stop right outside of the Barbers bedroom. Well, Laurie’s bedroom since Andy never sleeps in it anymore. For just a moment, you contemplate going in and grabbing one of Andy’s sweaters. It’s not like anyone’s home. You can quickly spray it with his cologne, throw it in the trunk of your car, and none on one would have a clue.

But you can’t.

Besides the fact that it’s stealing (and borderline crazy), it’s not going to help anything at all. In fact, sleeping in something of his that smells exactly like him,  will only make it worse. You’ve got to stop. You complete your journey to Jacob’s room and lay down on his bed, hoping and praying that Jacob get home before Laurie and Andy do.

As much you try to fight it, you find yourself falling asleep, finally realizing just how tired you are. It makes sense, because you did spend last night crying over Andy.

Just like every other night.

You’re not worried because you know that Jacob will have no problem with waking you up loudly and rudely. You fall asleep hoping that, for once, your dream won’t be about Andy.

However, you know in your heart that it will be. Everything is always about him.

**

You’re awoken by a loud thunder clap, and you almost fall out of the damn bed. It’s pitch black and you can heavy raindrops against the window and the  roof, and you try to figure out what fucking day it is.

You check your phone and see that it’s 10:30, you have three missed calls from Jacob, one unread text from him, and a flash flood warning.

Lovely.

The Dark Lord: I’m assuming you’re asleep. I’m so fucking sorry, when we were finally ready to leave, this stupid storm started. Sarah’s parents begged us to stay until it was over, but it only got worse. Now we’re 6 wine glasses in and in no shape to drive. Not to mention, this rain isn’t letting up any time soon. PLEASE stay at my house, I don’t want you driving in this shit, and I promise to make it up to you. I’m so fucking sorry.

You roll your eyes as you look at outside and see that Andy’s car is still the only car that’s at the house. Maybe everyone decided to stay where they were at.

Y/N: I’m finishing off the bottle of whiskey that’s in your room.

The Dark Lord: That’s more than fine. We’ll all out to breakfast or lunch tomorrow. Again, I’m so sorry. I love you.

Y/N: It’s fine, I’d rather you be safe more than anything else. I love you and tell Sarah I love her too. I’ll see you both tomorrow.

You toss your phone down onto the bed before grabbing the bottle he keeps tucked away in his bottom drawer. Deciding that you’re not in the mood to wear pants, you change into one of his hoodies while turning on his TV. All you’ve eaten today is a granola bar; you’re hoping that you’ll get drunk and knock out quickly. Even though you drink the bottle quickly, it’s not working: you’re at the end of the bottle and you’re only buzzed. You groan in annoyance and decide there’s no shame in raiding the Barbers’ alcohol cabinet since no one’s home.

You make your quick trek down the steps and you’re so focused on your task at hand that you don’t notice anything else around you. You just want to get back in bed and go to sleep.

“Watch your step, there’s glass,” Andy slurs, causing you to scream and jump at the same time.

“What the fuck, Andy?!”

“How did you not know I was here? My car’s parked outside.”

“I called for you when I first got here! I called for anyone!”

“Oh, I was knocked out. I was drunk by 3:30, slept it off. Woke up again at 7 and decided I was still thirsty.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“You’re drunk, not fucking stupid. Don’t lie to me.”

“What were you going to get?” he smirks, finally looking over at you.

“A glass and a bottle of something to drink so I can go back to sleep.”

“Grab a glass and have a drink with me.”

“Let me go put pants on.”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen your legs before.”

“This is different.”

“How so?”

“We’re alone.”

“Which makes it even better.”

“Andy-”

“Go grab your glass, honey,” he urges reassuringly, with a wave of his hand and a car dealer smile.

You ignore all of the voices in your head telling you not to do it; instead you watch your step and grab a glass from the kitchen. You take a deep breath and look at the pictures on the fridge: Jacob, his parents, Jacob and Andy.

‘Don’t do anything stupid,’ you tell yourself mentally before making your way back into the living room.

“Since when do you like the Turner Classic Movies channel?” you ask as you take a seat on the sofa.

“Well, ‘Maltese Falcon’ was on earlier and I wanted to impress you, then ‘Fall of the House of Usher’ came on and I just never turned the channel,” he shrugs and you laugh. “Sorry you got stuck here.”

“It’s fine. Better than being stuck in my apartment.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Needed to get out. I wasn’t doing good in there all alone.”

“You should’ve answered my texts or returned my calls.”

“And deal with having to face you? No thanks, I’m good,” you chuckle humorlessly as you pour yourself a drink, down it in one shot, and pour yourself another.

“Is loving me really so terrible?”

“It is when we can’t be together.”

“Why can’t we?” he asks, turning his full attention to you. “You got bangs.”

“Sarah said I should.”

“Good choice on her part, you look amazing. You always look amazing.”

“What happened, baby?”

“I lied to you,” Andy starts as he pours himself another drink, “I said Laurie only cheated once, which was complete and utter bullshit. The first time she cheated, it was a full on affair. They had hotel dates, he took her out to dinner and bought her flowers, fucked her a lot, but I forgave it because I wanted to try and make it work. She’s my wife, the mother of my son, and we’ve been together forever, so of course I wanted to make it work. Then, the night that I was at your place and we were watching ‘Vivacious Lady’, when I didn’t answer. She went out and cheated again.”

“What the fuck?! Andy, I’m so fucking sorry!”

“So, I’ve been pushing even harder for the divorce and she still refuses. She thinks I just need more time, which I very much don’t. I’m not in love with her, and the more that I think about it, I don’t think I ever was. Sure, I had feelings for her, but never like the feelings I have for you. Not even close. So, we got into an argument, she threw the glass down in frustration, she asked me if I’m in love with someone else and I told her yes, and she said that I just need time and we’ll talk about it when she gets back in the morning from her parent’s house.”

“Andy...I’m so-”

“Why are you sorry? What did you do? You didn’t tell her to cheat, you didn’t tell her to lie to me about it, and you sure as shit didn’t push her into someone else’s arms. She did that. If anything, I’m sorry. I keep telling you that I love you and then I don’t prove it. I don’t show it.”

“It doesn’t matter because we can’t-”

“Why can’t we be together, sweetheart? I’m leaving Laurie, one way or another, and Jacob will get over it. I love you and you love me, so why can’t we be together?”

“The town-”

“Fuck all of them. Who gives a fuck what they think? Who gives a fuck if they turn up their noses? You wanna move out of state? Let’s go. You want me to fight any asshole who gives you a hard time? I’ll fucking do it. I love you. I want to be with you. That’s not changing.”

“Andy-”

“Come here, sweetheart,” he coaxes softly, and it’s like your body can’t help but obey; it’s on auto pilot.

With your drink in hand, you slowly make your way over to him and straddle him, “I should go back to my place.”

“Not in this weather, and we both know you don’t want to. You belong right here with me, just like I belong with you.”

“How are we supposed to be together? Laurie will go out of her way to make your life miserable-”

“Isn’t that what she’s doing now?”

“Baby-”

“You are so fucking beautiful,” he comments softly as he looks you over. “So fucking beautiful and the best fucking soul I’ve ever known.”

“You’re drunk,” you basically whisper as you look over his features.

His grays aren’t necessarily noticeable, but the ones you see peeking out accent him well. He looks exhausted but not old, frustrated but not worn out, and anxious but not terrified. He looks like he just needs someone to take his mind off of things for a while, and you want more than anything to be that for him.

“Ya know, I really like your tattoos,” he chuckles as his hands smooth over your thighs.

“Yeah? You don’t disapprove?”

“Hard for me to do that when I have a few of my own.”

“Oh?”

“If you want, I can show you tonight.”

“What do you want?”

“I want to love you until you’re spent, honey,” he whispers hotly against your neck before kissing it.

“Andy, are you sure you want this?” you moan as you grind against him slightly.

“You don’t know how many times I’ve gotten off to the thought of you being a begging mess beneath me,” he groans as he starts rubbing your clothed clit, making you let out a desperate whimper. “Lace panties?”

“I didn’t...I didn’t think anyone would know. It’s laundry day.”

“Lucky me,” he chuckles, picking up his pace. “Ya know, if this thin material is already soaked, I wonder what that perfect little cunt feels like,” he smirks as he pushes your panties to the side, before lightly tracing over your aching lips. “God, this pussy is just begging for me, isn’t it?” he questions before easily sliding two fingers in you.

“Andy,” you moan softly, gripping one of his shoulders tight with your free hand, giving in to what you’ve wanted for so long.

“Aren’t you just the perfect girl?” he husks as he starts to slowly fuck you.

“Baby, please don’t stop!”

“I’ve barely done anything and you’re so ready for me to destroy you.”

“I haven’t been touched in so long...been dreaming of this, Daddy,” you whimper as he picks up his pace.

“God, I can’t wait to taste this fucking cunt! What a good little girl!”

“Andy!”

“Oh, someone’s close,” he smirks as he curls his fingers, rubbing that spot that brings you to life.

“Daddy please!” you cry out as you press your forehead against his.

“Cum for me, baby! I’ve been dying to taste this cunt and I can’t wait to be deep inside you.”

“Andy!” you cry out, cumming hard on his fingers as you get lost in the euphoria of it all.

He fucks you through your ecstasy, pressing soft kisses to your temple, as you try and come back down to reality. You’re well aware that there’s no coming back from the line you two just crossed, but you also don’t care. You don’t want to come back from it. The both of you held off long enough and it’s way past time for you two to truly express how you honestly feel for one another.

He slowly removes his two fingers before smearing your lips with them. Before he has a chance, you kiss him deeply as you grind your hips against his. He groans into your mouth, and it’s enough to send you off all over again.

“You taste so much better than I ever imagined,” he broods once you two break apart. “Tell me you want this as much as I do.”

“I’ve never wanted anything more,” you whisper, leaning in closer. “I think you should take what’s always been yours, Daddy,” you finish before gently biting on his ear lobe.

In almost a blink of an eye, Andy’s hold on your waist is tighter and he’s standing up as if you’re weightless. You wrap your legs around him before going in for another all consuming, passionate kiss, surprising yourself with just how well you’re able to keep a hold of your drink.

Andy only makes it halfway up the stairs before he’s pinning you against the wall, and furiously making out with you while grinding himself against you.

“Baby please,” you whine, desperate to feel his skin pressed against yours.

“Wait...waited so fucking long to have someone as perfect as you,” he breathes out as he trails kisses down your neck: “I wanna savor every moment of this.”

“You can have anything you want from me tonight, baby. You can take everything you want from me.”

He marches you up the hallway, a step at a time, pace quickening the closer he gets to the already open bedroom door. He kicks the door closed behind the both of you before gently letting you down off him and lying you onto the bed (you finally placing your drink down on the nightstand), leaning over you with an eager smile, raining kisses onto you like a spring shower.

Right as he’s about to pull off your panties, he stands up straight and takes a step back, “take off the hoodie.”

The command is soft, but is stern enough to let you know that he’s done being cute about everything. You keep your gaze on him as you sit up, before slowly removing Jacob’s hoodie, which leaves you only in your lace black bra matching your panties.

“Fuck.”

“Now, you have to show me something,” you encourage as you slide one of your hands down between your legs.

“Anything you want,” he husks as he fights the urge to start palming himself over his pants; his eyes never leaving you and your movements.

“Lets start simple, baby. Take off your shirt,” you moan, separating your legs so he can get a better view of you caressing your clothed clit, biting your bottom lip so you can suppress a moan.

It’s hard not to focus on the bulge in his pants and how much you want what he’s concealing inside your mouth, but the second his shirt is off, you can’t take your eyes off of his chest.

“Jesus.”

No, he isn’t littered in tattoos, but he has a few on his perfectly sculpted pecs, and his abs look like you can cut diamonds on them.

Andrew Steven Barber is perfect.

“My turn, get that fucking bra off,” he pathetically moans as he finally gives in and starts to palm himself over his pants.

You’re slow to stop your movements. You move your hands up to the back of your bra, unclasping it, letting it fall down in front of you; before removing your arms from the straps, letting it fall freely and tossing it to the side.

“Fuck me,” he growls as he starts to crawl on to the bed, but you hold up your foot to stop him.

“Gotta make it fair, Daddy. Pants off,” you pout as your hand resumes its place in the middle of your legs.

“Don’t keep me waiting, sweetheart.”

“Then take them off,” you demand with a moan and a seductive smirk.

He almost falls over with how fast he tries to get his pants off, but the second they’re off, you feel your cunt clench around nothing but the sight of him in his boxer briefs.

He’s about to ruin you for every other man.

He slowly crawls onto the bed before forcing your hand out of the way and ripping your panties off, “I’m done waiting.”

It’s not lost on you that Laurie and Jacob could come home at any moment, but you’re so far past the point of caring. The both of you have waited long enough and no one is doing anything wrong. You both did your best to be as responsible and mature about this as you could be. The waiting is over.

He belongs to you just as much as you belong to him.

“Andy,” you whine as he hooks your right leg over his shoulder, kissing up your inner left leg.

“Don’t be a brat,” he warns, slapping your cunt as he continues to kiss up your leg, changing once he reaches your thigh and he slowly runs his tongue up its lower side, teasing your clit with little kitten licks.

“Shit! ‘m...I’m so sorry, Daddy! Won’t do it again,” you promise with a silent cry as you grip his hair, grinding yourself against his face.

“Such a needy little thing,” he chuckles before teasing your entrance with three fingers, “this pussy... tastes like a fucking dream!”

“Daddy please!”

“Daddy’s gonna take care of you, don’t you worry that gorgeous little head of yours,” he coos before using his lips to pull on your clit, while he easily slides two fingers inside you.

“Oh God, yes!” you cry out, arching your back a little as your free hand squeezes the sheet. “Just like that, baby!”

Andy takes his time exploring you with his tongue, licking and sucking on your clit as if trying to commit it to memory, before removing his fingers and licking your soaked folds, while his thumb skillfully circles your clit.

“N-need you so much, please,” you mewl, releasing the sheet and starting to claw up his back.

If Laurie finds out, oh well.

“ ‘m so fucking close!”

It’s almost as if you’ve activated a primal need in him, because his mouth is instantly back on your clit, licking and sucking on it with more determination than before while sliding three fingers inside of you, curling them and hitting that spot that makes you blossom like a flower for him.

“Fuck!” you wail, squirting hard as you feel your body ignite all over from pleasure, curling your toes.

You try to regulate your breathing as Andy cleans up between your legs, but the thought of what’s to come has you writhing in pure want and desire. The only thing that brings you back is the feel of the tip of Andy’s tongue slowly making it’s way up your body.

“Please,” you whimper, arching your leg and scrunching up the sheets with your toes.

“What did Daddy say about being a brat?” he growls before taking one of your nipples into his mouth and swirling his tongue his tongue around it, while his hand takes the other, kneading it between his fingers before pinching it.

“I’m sorry, I-oh fuck! I just need to feel you! Dreamt of...oh my...Andy!”

“My sensitive, sweet girl,” he smirks against your nipple. “So, so needy.”

“Please!”

“This is the only time you’ll get rewarded for misbehaving,” he warns before resuming his painfully slow trail up to your lips.

Once his lips are finally on yours again, you grip him tight and moan at the taste of you that lingers on his tongue. You’re so wrapped up in him that you don’t notice him shimmying out of his boxer briefs. You’re on the verge of begging again, when you feel him pushing his way inside of you, his kiss swallowing your gasp.

“I swear this pussy was made just for me,” he grunts as he bottoms out.

“Oh my God!” you cry as he stretches you, trying to adjust to him, but loving the way he’s pulling you apart.

“You take me so well, baby,” he groans as he starts to fuck you hard and fast.

“S-so...so full!”

“Yeah baby? You like the way this fat cock stuffs your tight little cunt?”

“Oh fuck!” you sob, his filthy words pushing you closer to your release. “So much better than I imagined!”

“Of course my filthy girl thought about me fucking her stupid. That’s what you want right? You want Daddy to fuck you stupid?”

You moan in response, wrapping a leg around his waist, moving your hips along with his, digging your nails into his back.

Andy isn’t having that.

“Use your words, sweet girl, or I’ll stop,” he warns and it only turns you on more.

“Y-yes!”

“Yes what?”

“Y-yes I wan...want you to fuck me till I can’t think, Daddy! Fuck, right there! P...please!” you sob pathetically as a few tears escape your eyes from pleasure.

“That’s my good girl,” he smirks before dipping down and starting to bite and suck on the hollow of your neck.

“Jesus, you’re gonna make me...oh my God!!”

“Never want to be without you again,” he moans, sliding a hand down between the two of you, starting to massage your clit.

“Oh...oh, fuck!”

“I love you so much!”

“I love you...Andy! I can’t...mmm yes!”

“Let go for me sweet girl! Cum all over my cock!”

“Jesus, FUCK!”

Your cunt clenches tightly around Andy’s cock as you squirt hard. You start clawing at the bed, praying that you’re not ripping them, as Andy fucks you through your high. You know he’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear, but you can’t focus on anything except how good you feel all over.

“Such a good girl,” Andy praises as he pulls out while you whine at the emptiness you now feel. “Get on your hands and knees for me,” he instructs as he strokes himself while looking at the blissed out mess on his bed that is you.

When your only response is to stare at him blankly, a sinister smirk plays on his lips.

“We’re not finished yet, honey. Didn’t think I’d be able to fuck you so stupid, so fast,” he tsks as he flips you over with ease.

It’s not that you don’t want more, you’re brain just isn’t keeping up with anything at the moment. You’re slow to get on your hands and knees, but the second you are, you’re moaning in want.

You can’t get enough.

“Never thought you’d be so fucking amazing,” he grunts as he thrusts himself inside you. “You take Daddy’s cock so well, honey.”

“Please don’t...don’t stop,” you whimper as you strangle the pillows.

“This pussy is mine and mine only, got that sweetheart?”

“Only ever want you, Daddy,” you sob as he starts pumping into you faster. “I’ll only ever need you!”

“Never knew someone as perfect could exist, baby. Especially in my fucking world....shit! The way this pretty little cunt squeezes me is perfect!”

“Make me cum again, please! Fuck me like a pretty little whore so I can make a mess all over your bed, please!”

“Jesus Christ!” he growls, gripping your hair tight as he picks up his pace.

“Ah shit! Just like that! Fuck, you make me feel so fucking good! I love you so much!”

“Say it again,” he demands, before slapping your ass.

“Yes! Fuck, I fucking love you, Andy! I love...love you so much! “

“Fuck, let go for me baby! Give it all to me right now!”

“Fuck!” you shout, your orgasm demolishing whatever energy you have left.

Andy lets out a low and guttural growl as he wraps an arm around your waist as he paints your walls with his seed. He hunches over and leans his forehead against the back of your head, and you both try to regulate your breathing as you come down from your highs.

“You are everything to me, and I...I love you so much,” he breathes out after a moment. “Nothing will ever change that, I promise.”

“I just want you, Andy. I love you and I’m here for you always. I won’t turn my back on you. I won’t hurt you,” you promise softly.

Andy slowly pulls out and, if it weren’t for him guiding you, you would’ve collapsed onto the bed. After he gently lays you down, he walks out of the bedroom and you get under the covers and try to get comfortable, but you just want Andy to hold you. A small laugh escapes your lips when you look over to the nightstand and see your drink from earlier there.

Funny how a few drinks and a couple of confessions can change a night completely.

Reach over and down the rest of it, before laying on your back and going over the events that just happened.

“I can’t tell if you’re in a good mood or not,” Andy laughs, coming back in with a wet towel in hand. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asks as he pulls back the covers.

“I love you,” you smile at him as he starts to clean up the release between your legs.

“I love you too, honey,” he chuckles, “what’s going on?”

“Just...if...ya know what? Never mind.”

“Talk to me, sweetheart. This doesn’t work if we don’t talk to each other.”

“What even is “this”?”

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“If you don’t want this anymore after tonight...I understand.”

“Y/N-”

“I know you’re not a douchebag and I know you would never do anything to hurt me, but I also know that we’re both pretty fucking buzzed and upset. If you acted on impulse-”

“Hey, I love you. I have loved you for so long and this isn’t something I’m just going to be over tomorrow. I don’t want to just fuck you, even though it is insanely,” he smirks and you scoff. “I want to help you, support you, care for you, be your best friend, be someone you can count on, you can cry to. Y/N, I want to be everything for you, all the time, forever. I love you,” he smiles at you.

You sit up and pull him close, and you both get lost in a passionate and soul consuming kiss.

You never meant to fall for Andy, you never meant to add any complication to his life, and you sure as shit never meant to fall in love. However, when he makes you feel like you do now, you can’t seem to find a single reason to feel any shame or regret over anything you two have done.

You don’t feel an ounce of shame or regret over what you both have decided to start.

“Lets get some sleep,” you smile at him once you two break apart.

“Sounds good to me,” he nods before kissing your forehead.

He quickly discard the washcloth in the hamper, then gets in next to you and pulls you close. As you fall asleep to him peppering kissing along the side of your neck, you know that you’re going to be okay.

Everything is going to be just fine.

**

You giggle as you feel hairs tickle the inside of your legs.

Andy.

“What are you doing?” you laugh with your eyes still closed.

“Time for you to wake up,” he murmurs against the inside of your thigh.

“And what does you being in-between my legs have to do with me waking up?”

“It’s breakfast time and I’m starving,” he simply mumbles before licking your clit.

“Andy,” you gasp as you reach down, gripping his hair.

“That’s right, honey, come alive for Daddy.”

He slides three fingers into you with ease and you don’t stop the silent gasp that escapes your lips as he starts sucking on your clit. You didn’t appreciate it as much last night, because you were focused on what you truly wanted, but the feel of his beard hairs on your thighs only heightens everything for you.

“Fuck! Daddy, if you keep...oh God! Yes, yes....I’m right...GOD, YES!” you exclaim as you squirt hard on his fingers, more than sure that some of it got in his beard.

“What a good little girl,” he praises before cleaning up the mess between your legs.

You’re never gonna tire of the way he makes you feel, or the praise he gives you.

“We can’t do this!” you giggle as he kisses his way back up your body.

“Why?”

“She said she’ll be home in the morning, and it’s very much...fuck!” you whimper as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“I think after last night, we both know it won’t take me long to bring you off,” he teases as he starts relentlessly pumping into you.

“Daddy, I-”

“Andy!” Laurie’s voice rings out from the entry way as the door slams shut.

“Shit!” you whisper as Andy stalls within you almost instantly.

As you both lay there, sheer panic written all over your faces, you can’t help but think about what the future has in store for the both of you. Yeah, if Laurie catches you both, it’ll be hell to pay.

But what about Jacob? It’ll crush him and what will happen to your friendship. Both you and Andy scamper around as quietly as you can, as you do your best to avoid your panic attack.

“Andy!?” Laurie calls again as she searches around downstairs.

You both stop and look at each other, and the look on Andy’s face tells you that you’re both thinking the same thing:

What the fuck did you two just get yourselves into?

~~

taglist: @maroonsunrise83​, @fuckingbye​, @emerald-evans​, @whxre4cevans​, @autumnrose40​, @greeneyedblondie44​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​, 

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Movie: A fucking List of Potential Extra Stuff  

I can only pray and hope that Amazon, Matthew, the boys, Casey and whoever needs to be involved do more with the movie after the strike is over, but here’s a list of stuff related to the movie that I want  

All the Deleted Scenes: Extended Polo Scene, Extended Paris Café Scene, Extended Paris Love-making Scene, Morning in Paris Scene (I swear I have been feral over it since the bloopers were released), Extended Texas Holiday Montage (I’m not sure about this one but basically the scene in the bloopers where they shove each other), Texas Campfire Scene (That really doesn’t look like it’s just meant to be a montage, it looks like a legit scene), Extended Texas Scene after Lake scene (I’m also not sure about this one because I’ve only seen one person say this exists), Kensington Breakfast Scene, Brownstone thanksgiving scene, Whatever the scenes from Philip, Pez and Zahra’s credits were from, and probably a couple others that we don't even know exist

More Bloopers (there’s gotta be more right? I literally don’t care if it’s like twenty seconds longer GIMME GIMME GIMME)

What was shot before re-shoots (like the piano scene, I’m curious what was shot before and why didn’t it work)

B Roll Footage

Full Footage of certain scenes (ex: The entirety of Henry/Nick singing don’t stop me now)

Audio Commentary: Matthew’s director's commentary, Nick and Taylor’s actor's commentary, Henry and Alex’s in-character commentary  

A DVD with all of the above

Full Cast Audiobook

More Interviews and Magazine shoots with the boys together

(Kinda far-fetched but) A Musical Adaptation

A miniseries of post canon Firstprince living their lives (that’s what I want for a sequel, not a plot, just the visual media equivalent of domestic one-shots): Living together, More about Henry’s grief and depression, I can’t tell if Movie Alex has ADHD but maybe more on that, Maybe Princess Catherine coming back and reconciling with Henry (currently writing a fic on it), Maybe? The King reconciling with Henry (wrote a meta on it), Proposal (Casey’s freaking thread reply drove me insane), Marriage, Kids, So like, snippets of the next five years of their lives

(also unpopular opinion but… personally I don’t want Henry to abdicate? It’s an issue I had with the bonus chapter but one of Casey’s IG story wrote about why they wrote it like that, and I realized it might have something to do with me being kind of young and the ideologies that comes with that immaturity. I kinda thought Henry could take a step back without stepping down, like irl Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice who had their own normal jobs and have more of a say in what events to show up to. Idk. I’m a “fix this system” rather than “fuck the system” person, and I think there’s just power in having a gay prince who can keep both his title and his love.）

Yeah I might be delusional but I am also willing to spend money on all of these things so Amazon it’s up to you

[creativemessbyvd]

FIC IDEA VAULT #17 - RadioApple Hercules AU

@fanby-fckry is an enabler XD Their post about their idea for a Little Mermaid AU forced my hand to actually write down this idea! Originally I had the inspiration from this Tiktok!

So, this is an inspired by Disney's Hercules AU, we will follow cannon for season 1 loosely and then we take off from there, and yes, the tiktok scene will be there! I have lots of ideas already down, including a general idea of how each chapter will go. So far, aiming for 8 (?) chapters, which will have not only Alastor's POV but also Lucifer's and others as they become relevant. I want to incorporate the ideas I already have for my own Hellaverse (which I will also use for my Alastor centric fic) which include the Sins being ride or dies for Lucifer, Roo as the main villain, lots of bonding amongst the cast and some cameos by the Helluva Boss crew! I don't plan to make this be straight romance, I want them to be friends first before Alastor starts caring more for Luci, and I'm also trying to keep him as faithful as I can be to his Ace Identity (which is a spectrum! Please, no harrasment over this, but if anyone would like to help me out to make sure I don't screw Al or offend anyone, please let me know! I would really appreciate the help!)

I am swarmed by work, and this has been the worst week for me in a while, I can feel the depressing thoughts around, but talking about my aus, or any of my fandoms always helps! I hope to work on this and publish soon, but I do want to have some chapter written before posting to Ao3. So, without further ado, I leave you with the main summary and two snippets from chapter one! I'm sorry for the errors, I will fix them up for publishin the full story on Ao3! Enjoy!

At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love (Hercules Radioapple AU) by Vesta Dragon

Tasked with getting closer to the King of Hell after the last extermination, Alastor the Radio Demon tries his best to show the king the attention which is plain to see the fallen angel craves. But as they spend time getting to know each other in the most antagonistic and less romantic way possible for Alastor's peace of mind, he finds his mission shifting when shown what a capable ruler Lucifer can be, alongside his softer side that still shows the angel he never stopped being. Lucifer knows that getting along with Alastor will keep Charlie happy, and keep one less headache away from him as he takes the reigns of his kingdom back with the help of his closest friend, Satan, who is now on a mission to make sure both him and Charlie are in top shape for any upcoming battle Heaven will surely start. His heart will be his doom, as he feels himself growing closer to Alastor, but will their love be enough to stop the threat lurking far below Hell? Or will her millennia-old plans finally come to fruition, so the Root of All Evil can finally rule it all as the planets align?

Chapter One Teaser under the cut!

God was created to bring balance to the Universe, and he in turn created Angels, his first and most beloved was Lucifer Morningstar… The story of the Garden of Eden is one I'm sure you are all familiar with, but what you probably didn't know was that it skipped over a lot of details. Lucifer always thought that keeping Humans always happy and in the dark, meant they would never get to their full potential. He befriended Lilith, the first Woman, and they fell into a quick and deep love.

Charlie Morningstar was interrrupted by the loud entrance of Angel Dust, the spider demon carrying around a cooler from which he passed around beverages to the visitors sitting in front of the princess in the Hotel's second entertainment room.

"Boooooriiiiing! Charlie, I swear if you tell us the detailed history of all of creation, I'm taking everyone on a tour of my favorite clubs!"

Finished with his task, he took the main couch, sitting for once, not splayed out but definitely confidently enough that it drew some curious eyes, though they quickly turned away as he swept his gaze around. He took from the cooler two extra waters and passed one to Charlie, who accepted despite looking scandalized at his suggestion.

"Angel, you wouldn't dare!" "Oh, but I would! Who wants to go dancing?" At the raised (albeit nervous) hands that went up, he smirked at the princess who huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Well, what's wrong with giving them all the details?" Charlie shuddered to think were her charges would end up, so she admited that maybe her story would need to be told differently than to how she prefered to remember it. "For one, it would take us way too fucking long to go over everything. Let's go for the more fun version! You gotta know when to give the right details." He made sure to wink at a couple of people, the majority laughing as he riled the princess up.

"We are not sharing anything explicit!" That would be worse than the clubs, as she was about to continue her point, she was interrupted again.

"Is Charlie going to tell the Story? I wanna help!" Nifty had jumped from behind the couch Angel sat at, no one having heard her skittering around until she had made herself known. She proceeded to jump over the couch, landing on Angel and kicking him slightly before settling in beside him.

"Ouch, Nifty! Careful with my arms!"

"Hehe, sorry Angel!"

"Oh, this will be fun." Vaggie had come due to all the shouting, wanting to make sure everyone was being civil. She had known Charlie had plans to share the story, and she was glad she wasn't the only one who knew the princess had to be watched so avoid her rambling to their guests for 5 hours. She loved her, but she knew Charlie tended to go overboard, especially with this.

"Hi sweetie! Come sit here with me, we can share the loveseat." Charlie relaxed upon seeing Vaggie, and made sure to give her a kiss as soon as the fallen angel sat down beside her.

"Can you two stop with the lovey-dovey public displays, let me get my coffee in first." Yet another interrupting, this time from the resident bartender, who was carrying two takeout cups of coffee, one of which he gave to Angel, despite Nifty's attempts to snag it.

"Husk, I'm surprised that you aren't drinking a beer." Vaggie smirked, knowing that usually, the stoic bartender tended to leave the tours to the others and kept to the quiet of the bar. But it was obvious why he had come, as Angel patted his legs.

"Oooh Husky, my lap is open if you want a seat."

"I'll take the floor, otherwise we won't get to the end of the story."

"C'mon you two! Seriously?!" Vaggie was infurated now, she had hoped they had at least some decurum to save it for after the tour was done.

"I meant he would loose circulation on his legs, I ain't as light as Nifty over there." Husk laughed softly, winking at Angel as he took a seat between his legs on the floor.

"Can I sit on your lap, Angel?"

"Sure, Nift."

"Oooooookaaaay, is everyone settled? Can I continue?" Charlie was more aware now of the time constraints, but she was glad to have the company. It was always more enjoyable to have the story be told with input from everyone.

"Yes, but keep it light on the start, we want to get to the good part this century!"

After their fall from Heaven and Earth, Lilith and Lucifer began working on making their prison more comfortable. As others, like the Sins and the Ars Goetia, slowly filled Hell, as they newly appointed King and Queen, they held a party. And someone new arrived to them. She was lovely, yet she was no former angel. Her power left everyone speechless. Her name was Roo. She welcomed everyone, but especially the new King. She had seen it all, and she had to thank him for letting her be born. She was evil personified and she had a proposition. She could help them get revenge upon eveyone who had forsaken them. And while some saw this as a great opportunity, Lucifer refused.

"Fighting Heaven will bring us nothing! I prefer to make the best of this here, were I have my freedom, despite being in my own prison. Let them deal with it all, I thank you for the consideration, but it would be foolish for us to go to war when we know we will lose." Roo smiled, she tried again to entice him, but he wouldn't move. His powers, which he knew she craved, he would not give her. Roo bid them farewell, making sure they knew she could be found at the deepest part, where the river of souls ran, if they ever changed their minds.

She returned to her domain, deep into Hell, to the parts that no one had ever ventured to. She stood now in her home, a castle of darkness that towered over everything. She climbed until she came to her work room, on its center a stone basin filled with a clear swirling liquid. From it she could see the present, past and future. She had used this to her advantage to make sure her influence had sparked the first sin of man. The free will of the humans meant that she now was present up on Earth, but it also crippled her once vast power. Her future vision would never be as it once was, nor could she force the fallen who now ruled Hell to make her biding. She needed more if she was to wreck havoc as she was promised, gazing into the hazy future in which she ruled it all. She could be patient, someday she would have her revenge.

| Line break |

Alastor the Radio Demon could tell that he was utterly fucked, and he could count on one hand his whole life's (and afterlife's) regrets. Babysitting an overexcited and touchy princess and her entourage was something he deeply regretted, as he watched Vaggie run around trying to film the Hotel an annoying television commercial. He honestly thought his own was pretty favorable, but the Princess thought otherwise. As she went to her meeting, her girlfriend now scrambled to put something together with no experience. He could let her keep on trying, ultimately failing but he needed to keep the Princess as happy as possible, and this was something he would have to endure.

After all of that work only for the commercial to be cut off to the news that Heaven was going to come back earlier? He knew his boss was laughing at him. The next few months brought little change. After this, he saw Charlie welcome in another patron, Sir Pentious had tried to be a thorn at Alastor's side, but like the television demon he took orders from, neither could actually cause any harm; like a toy knife, both were only mildly threatening in appearance. His meeting with the Overlords helped him be closer to his end goal. The months flew by, and still, nothing was going the Princess' way, and she was forced to call her father.

And Lucifer Morningstar ended up coming. To HIS HOTEL. The former Angel went so far as to compare him to a bellhop and Alastor was so close to unleashing everything on the pompous asshole. Thankfully, he managed to take his anger out on the loan sharks Mimzy brought, but he still had to dismiss her, more forcefully than he would have if he hadn't already been so on edge. He was fuming by the end of the day, not only had he been humiliated by Lucifer, Husk knew of him being on a leash, and Heaven would soon come. He unleashed his anger once in his room, thankful for the small mercy that his room opened into his own private bayou and no one would be aware of his (frankly childish) tantrum, and suddenly he felt it in the sudden stillness of the air, and deep among the trees, the one who owned his sould appeared.

Roo was not that taller than Charlie, yet the front was just to spite him. he knew, seeing he still towered over her but she held all the power to bring him to his knees, like she did now.

"Alastor, sweetheart! Interesting day?" She sat on a tree stump that formed into a throne. Alastor hated every minute of it but he obediently knelt by her feet, levelling her with his worst glare.

"Roo, you said he wouldn't leave his isolated hole." She laughed and smiled almost as wide as him.

"I said he wouldn't come out without proper reason, Charlotte finally reaching out to him I guess gave him the strength to try for the first time in years." She was looking at her nails, utterly unbothered by this. Her ability to see aspects of the future irked him when she kept information like this from him.

"The fucking Devil will unravel everything I have worked for here." He seethed but Roo just laughed, a shrill sound that hurt his sensitive ears.

"Oh, Al, don't be so pessimistic, darling. I need you to trust me." She reached out to take his face in her hand, squishing as he growled, static becoming more prominent around him. "This is needed, taking out that pompous asshole up in Heaven will leave my darling Lilith in the perfect spot to worm her way in, you have to trust me."

"Charlie will draw a target on her back if she goes to Heaven, and it will lead the Hotel to be in danger." All his hard work, gone if Adam himself lead the charge to the Hotel.

"Well, that's why you are here, correct? Al, trust me, everything is going according to plan. Make sure to use our little golden ticket to make a deal with the Princess, I will need her to complete my plan." He avoided yelping in pain as she dug her fingers into his face, her other hand making sure to spread his smile wider, to the point it hurt more than usual. Her tone grew dark, and suddenly Alastor could feel the chain around his neck tighten as her voice echoed everywhere in the bayou. "And don't lose your temper with Lucifer again, I don't have the time to get another puppet if he decides to smite you."

With that, she threw him to the floor and as soon as his head had stopped spinning, he looked up to find her gone.

[popquizhot-shot]

Chapter One- Partnership Deed.

Summary: the very beginning. how he came to be in the same house as you.

Author's notes: it's a small chapter, i'm sorry but more to come!

Fic playlist

Chapter One|Chapter Two|Masterlist

No one tells you about how horrible this feeling is. This aloneness that consumes you. That empty that comes after everyone has left and you’re sitting there in the living room all alone. A hurried dinner you’re too tired to eat left on the table.

*Ring*

You’re jolted out of your depressive pity party at the sound of your phone ringing. Muting David Attenborough’s soothing voice and looking at your phone.

Unknown Number.

You pick it up and put it on speaker, sitting up straight, “Hello?”

The man who responds asks if you’re the one who put that advertisement for a roommate. You say yes, and he asks if he can come by to check the apartment out and you nod to no one, replying that yes, of course can, whenever he’s free.

“You mind if I come by now? I’m returning from the campus library actually.”

Because the only calls you’ve gotten till now were sleazy asshole who weren’t students, you’re surprised that guy is actually in your university.

“....Hello?”

“Yeah! Sorry!” you know you should say no, it’s nine in the night, you have work to do, a chapter to write, a business model to research, you should tell him to boot and that yes, you did mind if he came now, “Sure, you can stop by, I’ve got nothing to do. Can I get your name though, wouldn’t want a total stranger to enter my house, y’know.” you awkwardly chuckle and introduce yourself.

“Miguel. Miguel O’Hara.”

It’s a miracle you don’t drop the phone.

After what you can only describe as a painfully awkward goodbye, you rush to clean your apartment. Cursing the post-it’s scattered all around the house. They’re plot ideas, written in blue, purple, pink, all over the kitchen. The stray black ink used for definitions for costs and tendency curves and fuck if you remember what they mean and another fuck because this is Miguel O’Hara. The lead guitarist of that one band that always plays during uni fests. The tall fucking literal bull of a guy who captures everyone attention without meaning to. You both haven’t ever spoken to each other, never crossed paths because he’s a STEM student and though technically business is considered STEM for..whatever reason, it’s not the same and it’s in a different building. But you know who he is.  You’ve seen him from a distance, your friends teasing you for looking at someone like a blushing little girl, but you’re playing safe. 

You’ve just managed to make the place presentable when the intercom buzzes. In your haste to reach it, your toe catches on one of the dining chairs and you resist the urge to just say screw this and curl up in a ball and cry, instead hobbling over to the machine, cursing under your breath as you press the button, “Come on in!” you muster the cheeriest voice you can imagine. Granting him access into the building and immediately letting out a not so cheery expletive once your finger leaves the contraption. If this is all for naught you swear you’ll stay single till college is over, you can just live in fantasy, because god this guy is an idiot who thinks he can come up whenever he thinks he can. He’s probably one of those asshole dudes who thinks they’re better than everyone else.

But your dumbass is to blame. Your stupid constant to please people gee thanks for that mom

You rush to open the door as soon as you hear the knock, bracing yourself for an arrogant dude smirking at you-

Yes, that is Miguel O’Hara at your doorstep, but he’s shyly? Scratching the back of his neck, looking almost apologetic.

“I am so sorry for just barging in this late.” is the first thing he says,wincing as your eyebrows raise, “it’s just-

“No, it’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. It’s alright.” you smile and open the door wider, inviting him in.

Jesus, what was in the water he drank as a child? He towers over you as he steps in. You look up to his face as he scans the living room, almost smiling at the organized chaos around the house.

“Uh, over here is the bedroom you’ll be taking, if you’re moving in that is.” you walk past him, sleeve brushing his, pointing to the open bedroom he walks into, nodding approvingly. It’s decent for the money he’d pay as rent, there’s actually no reason for him to refuse. He can stay here-

“It’s a beautiful place.” he finally looks down at you, “Yeah, I think, if there’s no one else at the moment, I’ll be happy to accomodate the room.”

And that’s the story of how Miguel O’Hara became your roommate.

You wish you could say you lived happily ever after.

“Miguel!” you bang on his door, “Wash the fucking dishes, today’s your turn!”

You get a hum in return, and you know the dishes will get done really late or he’ll probably fall asleep at his desk. You wish you could ignore it, you really do. But again, thank the instilled doctrine that if you’re lazy to do anything you’re pathetic and don’t deserve to breathe air. With a swear on your breath, you storm to the kitchen, making sure to bang the dinner dishes as loud as you can. It’s been a week since he moved in. A week.

He had helped with dinner. Vegetable Gravy with turmeric and chillies and roti’s. Guy liked trying different cuisines and your penchant for cooking came in handy. One thing your mother taught you that helped. And he said he’d wash, that you worked too hard and he didn’t like seeing you all stressed out like a little mouse.

“You’re like a little mouse, always moving here and there.” He chuckles, his fingers wiggling to mimic a scampering rodent and sticks it in front of your face. 

You slap it away, “Oye, watch the gravy.” you point at the curry with your rolling pin.

 He dips a finger and brings it to his mouth to taste, looking at you as he licks it.

“Hmm, muy delicioso .”

“Thanks.”

In a partnership, to specify the deals of the relationship, a partnership deed is drawn up for specifics. Percentage of profit, ratio of distribution, shit like that. Roles for each partner. That’s precisely what this asshole needs, a real live list for him to see. You wonder if he needs sock puppets and Cheerios as well.

It takes ten minutes to draw up a good contract, with clear rules laid out for the both of you, he’ll probably come out in a few minutes.

—----

You wake up in a start, the lights are off, and there’s a blanket on top of you. The tv that was switched on was now switched off. 

That ass had finally come out, and he’d covered your sleeping form and switched the TV off. The metal glint of a pen catches your attention. Blinking, you scramble for the deed, looking over it, and on the bottom, right where you’d written out his name was his signature. And a little drawing of a flower with a sad face saying sorry in bubble speech.

Idiot. You smile, clicking the pen and signing above your name. 

He better make breakfast tomorrow.

[spookuzm]

This blog is 13+!

• There might be posts like violence, blood, depression, etc.

• Tons of swearing

Be warned!

About me!

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I'm just a random person who doesn't know what they're doing. I might have autism and adhd (I'm not actually diagnosed but I am showing symptoms on both).

My pronouns are He/They! Though I would love it if you guys use they/them pronouns for me more often. But i'm still fine with he/him nonetheless.

I'm only into Undertale and Deltarune for now. I've been trying to get into other fandoms but just can't get myself into it.

I'm not interested in proships. You may or may not get blocked from supporting proships (really depends of how bad).

This might be awkward for you guys but... I'm 20 years old. Yeah, I'm that old, despite of how childish I act. I'm sorry for not revealing my age sooner, mutuals :(.

I'll try to act like my age (keyword: try).

Anyway!

~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•~~~•

I'm a digital artist for almost 4 months now. I'm also very inconsistent, so please be patient with me <3

I sometimes use MS Paint when I'm bored, and I'm always drawing with a mouse if I do that lol.

You can see all of my art with the tag #my art! (some of my art are bad imo)

You can also request art from me :D (but only sanses and papyruses for now). If the character(s) you requested are too complicated for me to draw, I would likely decline it and would ask you for a different character.

As of right now, I am doing an emotion challenge! (Again, i only accept sanses and papyruses. And please do check the reblogs of the posts for updated charts).

Art requests and emotion challenge are separate things.

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And I'm also a fanfic writer! I only write UTMV stuff though. I love writing one shots <3 (I don't have a full fanfic yet, but I'm getting there. I don't accept writing requests for now.)

Here's my AO3! (I ain't comfortable enough to share my wattpad to yall, sorry)

That's about it for now ^^

(I'll try to make a more neat and fancy looking intro post some time in the future)

Edited 5/04

[eds6ngel]

✎ when i kissed the teacher | part three

summary: post-rejection, steve receives some hard relationship truths from robin and vickie. but, how will he continue to act around you with the upcoming elementary school's easter brunch?

part one ♡ part two ˚⋆｡˚ full masterlist.

warnings: dad!steve. singledad!steve. 90s!au. swearing. fem!reader. mutual pining. slow burn. fluff. angst. hurt. rovickie!! mentions of homophobia/lesbophobia. artificial insemination + adoption mentions [in regards to gay parenting options]. pregnancy mention. post-partum depression mention. mentions of alena's mother walking out. mentions of heartbreak. slight age gap [r is 24, steve is 29]. food and allergy mentions. jancy make an appearance!! more warnings in future chapters! [3.6k].

Steve would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t let a few tears shed on his way to pick up Alena from Robin’s apartment.

But, he remained calm, or as calm as his mind would allow him to. Alena was great at interpreting people’s emotions, she would clock his sadness in a heartbeat otherwise.

As he pulled up to Robin’s apartment, he slowly gets out of the car and knocks three times on her door. After hearing some shuffling and an “I’ll get it!” the door swings open to a pink-dressed Vickie, a small tiara on top of her head.

“Oh, hey!” she smiles, turning back and yelling, “Babe! It’s Steve!”

“Okay, we’re just finishing up in here!”

Steve chuckles at Vickie’s physical state, “Looks like you guys are having fun.”

Vickie signals him in with her arm, closing the door behind him as he treads inside, rubbing his hands together, warming them up from the outside cold that had infected his fingers.

“Christmas tea party,” she simply states, Steve immediately understanding what the young redhead meant. They both walk around the corner together to see Robin and Alena sat on the floor, plastic cups in hand, the pair giggling together. Like her girlfriend, Robin also was wearing a plastic tiara, golden gemstone centered in the middle as her and Alena spoke in posh accents.

“Hello father, will you care to join us for some tea?” Alena spoke, Steve trying his hardest not to burst out into a fit of laughter. God, she was such a character.

“Thank you for the grand offer Princess Alena, but I’m afraid we must head home before it gets too dark outside,” he replicates her accent, folding his arms over his chest.

She puts her hand to her heart, gasping in a faux shocked manner, “I am not the princess dad! Robin and Vickie are the princess rulers!”

“Oh, are they now?” Steve smirks, looking between the couple, “Two ladies leading the kingdom must be super powerful!”

Alena giggles, “Yeah, much more powerful than you would be daddy!”

Vickie looks down to the floor and purses her lips, trying not to let out a laugh as Robin lets it full rip, putting her hands up and saying, “Hey! I’m not arguing with that.”

“Of course you wouldn’t, Buckley,” he retorts back with an exaggerated eye roll. “Come on pumpkin, time to go home!”

“But, daddy,” she whines, “We are in the middle of a tea party!”

“I know buttercup, but it’s getting late. It’s already 6PM!”

She huffs, “Fine,” lifting herself up off the floor, kicking her feet, Robin tucking her hair behind her ear and saying, “I’ll clean this up, don’t you worry.”

She cheesily grins, grabbing her bag of items which she bought at the Christmas Fayre and bouncing over to her dad, “Look at all the stuff I bought!” she exclaims, holding her bag high in the air.

He leans down and gives her a quick kiss on the head as she hugs his leg, “Thanks for taking care of her guys. And I can’t wait to see it all, pumpkin! How about you show me on the drive home?”

“Okay!” she says loudly, Robin wrapping an arm around Vickie’s waist as they all head to the door, ”No problem at all, Steve. Call us whenever if you need her to be looked after, we’re always more than happy to look after that bundle of joy,” Vickie replies.

“Dad! Can I get in the car?” Alena whines, Steve shouting over, “Sure sweet-cheeks!” as he presses his car keys, the young girl opening the door and hopping inside. Steve turns back to the couple, “You know, you two would make great moms some day. Wait,” he pauses, “Can you two even, you know… have kids together?” Steve phrases his sentence as carefully as possible, trying to not let his lack of knowledge cross over into offensive territory.

Robin sighs, “We could technically, but it would be an extremely long and potentially dangerous process.”

Vickie nods along with her girlfriend, “One of us could get artificially inseminated, but that is very expensive and not always guaranteed to work. Adoption wise, we can’t just do it. One, like anyone else, you need to be married, which is literally impossible for us. Two, we’d have to find someone willing to allow adoption for us as a lesbian couple, which is definitely not here in Hawkins that’s for sure. So again, more money…”

Steve breathes out heavily in frustration, “It’s just annoying. You got the lasting relationship, you got the stable income, stable house, all of that. If the law just allowed the marriage part, you are pretty much guaranteed to have a kid.”

Robin nods, “You’re telling me. Hawaii’s trying to get us somewhere, but that is very unlikely if we’re being realistic here.”

Vickie purses her lips, “Unfortunately. We’ll just continue living vicariously through your daughter for the time being,” Vickie laughs, laced with an awkward tone.

“I mean, go all for it,” Steve says, buzzing his lips, “You two are the closest thing to a mother figure she’s ever gonna get.”

“Well,” Robin smirks, “Unless yours and Miss. L/N’s lovebird shenanigans go anywhere that is.”

Steve didn’t know that an open wound could get any worse. The rejection was like a fresh cut, and now Robin had poured salt into it. It was an instant sting to the heart.

Steve coughs as he looks down at the floor, his feet scraping across the outside rug that reads ‘Welcome Home.’ He wishes he had the stability the two women in front of him had. His love life was so lost that a worn-out, mud-stained rug with the intention of home made him feel like a failure. Maybe love was as simple as ruining the object that defined your picture-perfect life inside. That rug had six years worth of welcoming kisses and hugs, a constant reminder that when one of the two girls stepped foot in that door, they would feel wrapped in a basket of warmth. They felt at peace.

“Yeah, well, that ain’t happening any time soon,” Steve mumbles in a bothered manner, “Or at all.”

“Are we talking about Alena’s teacher?” Vickie questions, Robin nodding as her girlfriend lets out a small “Ah.”

“You told her about this?” Steve agitatedly asks, pointing over to Vickie with his thumb.

“You think I’m not going to tell my wife about your love life?”

Even with the legality barrier, Robin would still call Vickie her wife. They never let the outside expectations of the world define their use of language. It was their relationship, they could call themselves whatever they wished. Steve, on the other hand, didn’t have a metaphorical use for the term, he had no figure in his life to call that, and with his track record, it seemed like he never would.

Steve sighs, “Look, maybe love just isn’t for me, okay? It never worked with Nancy no matter how many times I tried, Linda didn’t even attempt to make it work, Heidi just wanted sex and Katie—”

The mention of Katie sent chills down his spine. He thought she was the one. After all, they had been together since the end of 1986 until the start of 1990. Their relationship was arguably the strongest Steve had ever felt in his life, even more so than with Nancy. That was until she got pregnant. They were both elated, Steve excited to expand the family he always wanted with the love of his life, her just as much so. But, everything changed once she had given birth. After speaking with Jonathan, Steve knew that his girlfriend had Post-Partum Depression and had suggested to her many times to seek therapy, just like Nancy had been doing, yet she refused, claiming she didn’t have the mental illness. After six months of not actively seeking help, Steve came home from work one day to see her bags packed, her saying motherhood was all too difficult to handle. That night, she had left, leaving Steve with a six-month-old baby to raise entirely by himself.

“Steve,” Robin begins, “I know your love life hasn’t been… the best, so to say. But, let’s not give up hope. Did she give you a reason for you not to date her?”

Steve huffs with a roll of his eyes, “Student confidentiality, all that bullshit. Can’t date me because she’s my daughter’s teacher.”

Vickie sadly smiles, “I mean, in all honesty Steve, it makes sense. It’s like if I started dating the older brother of the kids I used to babysit. It would mess things up.”

“Besides,” Robin butts in, the couple used to their rambling natures constantly interrupting each other, it was practically their love language, “That isn’t a no because she doesn’t like you, it’s a no for safety reasons. What about in six months time when Alena moves to second grade? She’s not gonna be her teacher then.”

Steve thinks for a moment over Robin’s statement. It was true that you weren’t gonna be her teacher forever. But, Steve’s thoughts are disturbed by Vickie’s further input, “She’s still in her vicinity though, right? Alena can’t view her as your girlfriend in a school setting. It’s like when my mom worked in my elementary school, I got scolded so much for calling her ‘Mom’ instead of ‘Mrs. Wilson.’ I think it’s that problem she’s probably talking about.”

“Okay,” Robin shrugs, “So Middle School!”

“Robin, that’s not for another four years!” Steve complains.

“If you were that in love, it wouldn’t be hard to wait that long, Steve,” Robin straightforwardly says, “I waited two and a half years to even ask Vickie out, and I would’ve waited a lot longer if I had to.”

Steve sighs as the sound of “Daddy!” can be heard from behind him, turning around to see Alena’s door open and her head leaning out, “Are we going home now?”

“Just a second, pumpkin! Daddy’ll be two minutes!”

“Okay!” she yells, slamming her door shut again, her shifting through her bag of items.

“Steve,” Vickie says softly, “There’s gonna be a way around this, I promise you. From the way Robin’s described your experiences and just the way you talk about her in general, you really like her. This isn’t desperation from you, you really do feel something for her.”

He breathes out, taking in the girl’s words, “Well, you guys have a lot more optimism than I do,” he quietly chuckles, “Just… thanks for everything. Thanks for looking after Alena most of all.”

“As we always say,” Robin reminds him, “Anytime.”

“It was nice seeing you two. Always a blast hanging out with Alena,” Vickie beams, “And good luck with the potential relationship.”

“Thanks guys. Have a good Christmas.”

The three of them bid farewell as Steve heads over to his car, Alena already holding the first item in her hands as he clicks in his seatbelt. He tries his best to listen to his daughter’s rambles, but his mind is invaded by a million different questions, trying to figure out a way to get you to date him.

It was now his turn to research the same questions you had been constantly looking into for the past two months.

You were currently organising Hawkins Elementary’s annual Easter brunch. Hawkins was unique in its traditions, their Easter brunch being one of the many few events that other schools did not do. The parents would bring in their children at 10AM and would have a brunch-type event with them in your classroom.

You had the added benefit of having an extra hour to yourself with no teaching to set up. However, both Easter decorations and food were a must. You spent the hours of 7:30 until 9 pinning up various strips of hanging bunnies, little Easter egg stickers and sitting little fluffy chicks on the tables. Your next task was to lay out the pink-checkered picnic blanket on the floor and throwing pink and yellow cloths on the tables. The cafeteria staff were bringing food around to the classrooms as the teachers decorated, the platter consisting of ham sandwiches, potato chips, squares of cheese, mini sausages, strawberries, bananas and a little basket full of mini chocolate bunnies — perfect for the Easter spirit.

The first parents to arrive were Nancy and Jonathan Byers, their little girl Ashley wearing the biggest pair of white and pink bunny ears.

“Well, looks like someone’s in the Easter spirit!” you say, the girl giggling as she replies, “I put pink bows in mom’s hair!”

Nancy participates as she shows off her pink bows, twirling around and making her daughter smile, you hyping her up, “Wow! Very nice! They make your mom look very pretty, don’t they?”

Nancy turns to you and grins, “Thank you,” you nodding in response, “Take a seat anywhere you want either on the picnic blanket or on a table. Ash has no allergies to anything if I’m correct?”

Jonathan nods, “Yeah, nothing so far. We’re hoping nothing forever.”

You laugh softly, “Good to know. Yeah, just sit anywhere you want, whatever makes you feel comfiest.”

“Thank you,” they both say in unison, Ashley already seeming to take a spot on the picnic blanket, the Byers parents not having much of a choice in the matter.

Many other parents and their kids arrived soon after, spreading themselves out across your colourfully decorated Easter classroom.

Since many families were arriving at similar times, it didn’t give you much of a chance to interact with them all, which was beneficial to an extent, especially when a certain father-daughter duo appeared in front of your door.

“Hi Miss. L/N!” Alena yelled, holding a stuffed animal in the shape of a bunny between her small hands, you waving back at her.

You tried your best to avoid Steve’s gaze, although you still had to ask him about Alena’s allergies. You were stuck communicating with him in some form.

The past couple of months had been rough. No more conversations when he dropped Alena off in the morning, no more waves through the classroom window, even his friend Robin had gotten added to Alena’s permanent record of people allowed to collect her, which you noticed when the young, dark blonde-haired woman appeared outside of your classroom a lot more regularly.

But, you couldn’t risk your life for a guy. You made that loud and clear, so if he got offended by that, tough luck. Your job was much more important than a relationship right now.

“What a nice bunny you have there!” you brightly say, “What’s their name?”

“Mr. Hopps!” she smiles, “He’s very tough, but he needs a girlfriend. Daddy won’t let me find him one.”

“Oh, will he not?” you ask, looking up at Steve and acting as casual as possible, smirking at him. It’s ironic that he won’t let his daughter get her toy bunny a girlfriend, it’s almost as if that bunny was him. “Well, how about you ask him really nicely and maybe he will say yes? Be extra good for him.”

“Okay!” she shouts, giggling away to herself, you now having to focus your attention to the man who had caused all of life’s recent stresses. “Steve, good to see you,” you awkwardly say, hands held behind your back, “Have to ask, does Alena have any allergies?”

He coughs, “Uh… No. None at all.”

“Great,” you sigh out, “Sit anywhere you’d like. Table or floor.”

He mumbles a “Thanks,” before leading his daughter next to the Byers. You lean against the wall as you see the two families interact. The way Jonathan had his arm wrapped around Nancy, her head leaning on her husband’s shoulder as her daughter played Rock, Paper, Scissors with Alena made you wish that you could fill the empty space that was next to Steve. You wanted to lean into him, you wanted him to hold you tightly close to him, you wanted him.

But, life is unfair. It’s not a straight cookie cutter, it’s hand-crafted. And you had already crafted your life for this job, you spend four years in college to get to this place in your life which you had been craving since you were thirteen years old. If you chose a guy over your dream job, your younger self would be incredibly disappointed. You couldn’t hurt her like that.

The Easter brunch had been a wonderful success. Most of the food was gone, minus a few sandwiches and squares of cheese, every mini chocolate bunny emptied out of the basket, as you highly suspected.

As the parents bid farewell to the kids, they got sent out for recess, the staff organising a small Easter egg hunt for the children to enjoy.

You thought your classroom was empty, until you heard the clearing of a throat from behind you. You jumped a little in your skin, grabbing your chest as you stare at the person who had frightened you, “Jesus, Steve. You need to stop scaring me like that!”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, you noticing that his nervousness around you from before had now turned into something much more somber, as if his body couldn’t decide whether to be near you or not. “I was just wondering if you needed help clearing up?”

You peer around your classroom, realising that you could probably have a helping hand, “Um… Sure. That would be great,” you say, “Need to clear up the tables and the picnic blanket.”

He nods, blinking rapidly as he stutters out, “Yeah, sure… Sure,” walking over to the table closest to him and collecting the fluffy chicks in his large palm.

The room remains in a solemn manner, the two of you getting your task done in silence, before you suddenly speak up, “You didn’t just want to help me, did you?”

It was obvious from his change of attitude that there were ulterior motives than just simply being polite. He wouldn’t have ignored you for so long, denied so many opportunities to speak to you if the politeness was a natural thing. No, of course there had to be something more.

You can hear his sigh from across the room, the one breath filling the atmosphere, “No, not really. I just… I wanted to apologise for how I’ve been acting.”

You remove the fluffy chicks from your second table, “It’s okay. I don’t expect you to act like everything is okay. I hurt you, it’s understandable.”

Sure, it would’ve been nice if he made an effort to be a little kinder in the small moments he spent with you. But, realism was the key to understanding people’s behaviours. You had to understand how it felt from his perspective, not just your own. And, if anything, if you didn’t have to remain professional for the sake of his daughter and your other students, you would’ve avoided him like the plague too.

“It’s still not an excuse though,” he lets out, “I used to do it in high school. I left fucking Nancy in a bathroom drunk alone because she told me she didn’t love me anymore. I don’t want to become the asshole I was ten years ago.”

“Steve,” you softly say, the pair of you approaching the middle table in sync, “I promise you, you will never be like that again. You’re becoming self-critical of yourself for a simple mistake. It’s simply heartbreak, of course you wanted to avoid me as much as possible.”

As you finish your sentence, yours and Steve’s hands connect over the same fluffy chick, the both of you about to grab the small decoration, yet, Steve’s hand suddenly linked between yours, your breath hitching in your throat before you can say another word.

He turns to you, a mere few inches apart between your bodies, Steve looking you deep in the eyes, letting out, “I never want to avoid you. I wanna always be near you.”

You can see his eyes flick down to your lips, you breathing out his name as he leans in, your body involuntarily doing the same, before your lips connect in a soft kiss. He places a hand on your cheek, as if that’s where it was made to belong as you hold onto his bicep for support. You lost yourself in him, the feeling of his lips on yours melting away everything around you.

You hear him hum into the kiss, the sound bringing you back to reality as you quickly pull away. Shit, what were you doing?

“Jesus,” he mutters, you covering your face with your hands as you shake your head, “Look, I didn’t mean to do that. You just looked so beautiful and I couldn’t resist—”

You cut him off, pointing towards the door and harshly saying, “Get out of my classroom, Steve.”

He begins to ramble, “I’m sorry, all right? I promise I didn’t mean to—”

You uncover your face, full-blown rage presented across it as you shout at him through gritted teeth, “Get the hell out!”

He tries to say something, but nothing comes out, him simply huffing in defeat and turning towards the door. Once he’s exited, you try your hardest not to let the tears spill, not allowing yourself to go through that shit again. What the hell was he thinking?

More importantly, what the hell were you thinking? It was obvious by the look in his eyes what he was about to do. Why didn’t you stop him?

But, that’s the problem. It’s not that you didn’t have the capacity to stop him, you didn’t want to stop him. And if anything, for the amount of time it lasted, that was the best kiss of your life.

i'm sorry guys, but it's just rejection after rejection in this fic :')

taglist: @livsters @bakugouswh0r3 @nix-rose @ihatepeanutss @cats00089 @suitelif3 comment if you want to be added!!

→ next chapter.

[soulfulazrael]

Who am I and what I write. The tale of a weird as all Hell fanfic I put too much time into about an odd ship.

So... If anyone here cares I am a Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss fanfic writer (and I am 23/24 year old. Depressing isn't it?). Although I can't exactly call myself the biggest fan anymore. I do love the potential those series have and the ideas in them, but I am not a nut over the execution. In fact I say it is pretty bad in many respects and I think Viv and her writing team do not utilize the full potential of what they have on their hands.

What I want to do is well... Do something I would prefer this world they created to be. So I make several odd as hell Fics. Or at least one now. As you can see from the image about Stella and Moxxie (art btw is made by talented @Caffe1neW1tch on twitter). Now I know, I KNOW how she is in the show... I can explain my case. I do change her character quite significantly from what she is in canon show (as I do so with MANY other things). To something I would prefer her to be. Something while still deeply flawed being more dignified than what she is in Helluva Boss season 2 as I think the direction they took her character was severely disappointing. I can't say they retconned her, but I have to say they went overboard with the direction she was taken. Way too far into just pure Hate Sink. Something I would prefer if it wasn't done at all with a character tied to such a potentially interesting conflict.

Not to mention the direction Vivienne took the world of Hell and it's characters... I must say. I do not enjoy how easy it is to say who is good and bad in both of her shows and how similar Hell is to Earth. It honestly robs the setting of it's potential as it is perfect place to explore some deeply disturbing characters with interesting alien mindsets and their own unique conflicts as it is hard to grasp who are you supposed to root for in the end. But both Hazbin and Helluva greatly miss the mark on that front as every character is either without a shadow of a doubt a good guy (that at most cries, swears and likes to tell sex jokes because I guess that's enough to say character has depth these days) or are so cartoonishly evil and stupid they make Team Rocket look competent and make Micah from RDR2 and Erebus from 40k say "THAT'S NOT SUBTLE ENOUGH!". Not to mention how similar so many of her characters are and how limited their interactions are, the treatment of Heaven, the confusing character arcs... You know what. Issues with both Hazbin and Helluva are too many to count, too many for this post, but I also say they are not TERRIBLE shows, they are just shows that disappoint me at every step for the last few years.

And now I get to the crux of this elongated point. Again. I'm writing fics and one of them is Song for the Quiet Bird. A fic I say is best to read on a site AO3 (but it is also on Fanfic site if it's up to your speed) where I try to explore hell in more meaningful ways and make their culture more unique while telling a story of a very strange ship which is Stella and Moxxie. And do not worry, I am not going on any "Millie is dead" kind of cop out. I am into doing things in an easy way. And here is the link to it:

I also make another fic called Torments of Sinners and Imps which you may find on my profile as well which delves more into Angel and Moxxie, but that one for now is on a break. In a way Song is too, but I do hope I'll post a chapter for that one soon (personal issues and family issues).

Alright, if anyone is interested or sees this post I hope that you will enjoy my take on this series. Will post something more here? I dunno. Maybe? But anyway I just want more people to see it and maybe give their opinion on it which is what I always want to hear.

And I may post more things about what I do not enjoy in those shows and how I think they could be fixed. Talking about several things in both shows that irk me the wrong way.

Also given how deeply I go into the worldbuilding in my fics I may also post some stuff about how I made some things work there and things about culture of Hell I came up with and mythology there... Or maybe just talk about some philosophical mumbo jumbo that I sometimes think of. But whether or not I do it, especially consistently will be another story. If anyone sees this, thanks for sticking around. If anyone is interested in my works or opinions share your thoughts. If anyone hates my guts for the things I write about and my opinions of these series... Can't say I am surprised some people do hate those. You are free to share your discontent too. I welcome all voices. At least until they make my head hurt, then I just take a nap.

Anyway. I rambled for long enough. Again check out the fic if you are interested. Wont force you. If you do so leave a comment which is the most important thing for me when I write something. Hearing what people like and don't like. Have a good one and I hope you enjoy yourself. If not with my story then in your life whoever you are (as long as you are not a total POS).

[anakinsafterlife]

More thoughts on WOT (Season 2, ep 7 and 8)

The series continues to absolutely light the sky on fire, and yes I mean that literally, given the season finale. I know that there's been a lot of hate from certain quarters, expressed towards the television writers, but imo there have been so many smart changes made to compress the gargantuan source material that I honestly now see this as a completely different universe from the novels. In many ways, it's the universe that I imagined when I first read the books in the mid-90s, the potential that I glimpsed that still made me a fan when I was frequently frustrated by Robert Jordan's prose.

For example, the Forsaken were fascinating because they were different than other villains of the time. They weren't actually faceless archetypes. They were professional people who had been influential in their fields, as well as strong in the One Power, which made them useful tools for the Dark One. Over time, post-Breaking, people began to think of them as archetypal demons who had existed for as long as the Dark One had existed but when we were exposed to the Forsaken as individuals in the narrative, we saw that they were petty and venal and self-interested and nihilistic. The books do this well, but, dare I say, the television show expresses this more clearly. So far it has shown Ishamael as a man who is deeply depressed, who sees no point to living when the mistakes made in one live will simply be made in the next (and since he has empirical prove of reincarnation, there's no refuting this). He's tired of the cycle and wants out. Unlike what we know of the other Forsaken, at least from the books, his did not swear to the Dark One for material or artist or emotional benefit. He fully supports the Dark One's ultimate goal of breaking the Wheel for all time, and this is the reason why he is the devil's main man. (It's also the reason Lanfear did and must betray him, despite their closeness). Keep in mind also that his profession in the AOL was "philosopher." Presumably, this means that, like Lanfear and a couple of the others, he was an academic. He published or perished. His wrote nihilistic books that became very popular. Also like Lanfear, he personally knew Lews Therin. In the books, they knew each other well but weren't necessarily close friends. I think the writers have merged Demandred’s role with Ishamael's in the show, however, because they portray Lews Therin, Lanfear, and Ishamael as having been the best of friends, a golden trio. I adore the change and the tension and sorrow it brings to their interactions, but despite their closeness, these characters were still very different from each other. Unlike the philosopher Elan Morin, Lews Therin was a professional politician. His goals were practical, if not always tenable, his moral code (which is entirely of his own making) seemingly strict and unbending, by the commentary we've been privy to as well as the flashbacks (which are probably my favourite part of the whole show; the nuanced portray of Lews Therin is magnificent), and it was probably that endbending nature that drove his friends away from him.

Like Ishamael, Lews Therin also wrote books, but books of social theory and political commentary. He was less of an abstract thinker than both Ishamael (philospher/logician) and Lanfear (scientific researcher, probably a physicist). A scientist and a politician think very differently. While the former might painstakingly determine why a theory will or will not work, the latter is likely to simply insist that an idea is good and force it through--which is exactly what Lews Therin did. Despite evidence of a harrowingly poor outcome, he leads the attack with the "Hundred Companions," his closest supporters in the Hall of Servants, on Shayol Ghul.

Where am I going with this? Essentially, that there are no villains here in the mythic sense, just selfish people, and likewise there are no heroes, just people skilled enough to fight when required. Ishamael and Lanfear swore oaths for personal reasons. Lanfear supposedly joined the Dark One so that she could win Lews Therin back. I expect that's not entirely true, and she's probably harbouring a great deal of unexamined motive, but it is very human. And other Forsaken swore their loyalty to this extradimensional being that they actually know very little about for surprisingly silly and petty reasons. Sammael wants to be taller?? Asmodeon wants to write better music? Very genre blind. There is a great deal of artistic lore regarding selling one's soul to the devil for increased artistic ability, but we are talking about an eternity of damnation here, and the bill always comes due. So Asmodeon is not a demon or an archetypal villain. He's a man who made a stupid decision. And so are the they all, excepting perhaps Ishamael, who is the only one who seems to know what he got into (maybe he had a few ancient books of lore about deals at the crossroads in his library).

This humanization of "the bad guys" has been a theme throughout the show, and we have seen it again and again across political lines. In the finale, we see Lanfear and Ishamael sitting together, still friendly even in their antagonism. We see the antagonists making poor choices for very human reasons, like Liandrin wanting to save her son and then losing him anyway. Like Barthones becoming a Darkfriend to advance his position in the city and please his mother, only for his mother to retreat in horror and imprison him. These things render their choices absoltely moot, but their vows hold them in chains. With few exceptions (Lord Ingtar now and you know who later) no one ever tries to reject those vows, because these people continue to rationalize their choices as they go along, inventing new excuses for themselves, like Liandrin, who continues to serve even after Lanfear murders her son. It's brilliant and insightful, and it's the primary reason that I not only love the series but looked forward to examining it on a technical level every week.

The finale ending did not disappoint. Mat blows the Horn, and whatever anyone says, it makes so much sense that he was one of the Heroes already. My guess is he was Aemon the last time around, since Mat's always been closely tied to Manetheren. I love that Ishamael set him in to kill Rand too. That was wonderfully clever, since Ishamael does not wish to do it himself, and it displays his skill in manipulation to great effect and gives Mat a more active role.

Perrin is now fully a Wolfbrother (my personal headcanon about Wolfbrothers is that they were wolves in their previous lives). Elayne heals Rand's wound and sets their romance in motion, while Egwene is transformed utterly by her experiences. The girl from the Two Rivers is gone forever. In her place is a soldier with an iron heart. Moiraine (clothed in a costume that resembles that of an Asian warrior) does her part to proclaim Rand the Dragon Reborn (and there's a warning in Ishamael's statement that he is so very like Lews, when we just saw the extent of Lews Therin's ruthlessness in the flashbacks, so we can expect dire things to come as Rand undoubtedly will begin to unravel under the stress of war as well as the Taint). And Ishamael gets not only what most would say he deserves, but what what he desires: death. But he leaves a little surprise for Lanfear on his way out the door. Moghedien is so very creepy/scary and seems genuinely mentally ill. I love that they show her still in the clothes of the previous age, just awoken from her sleep and ready to do her absolute worst. It's a great starting point for the next season.

The only thing that I really missed from The Great Hunt, and hope will show up soon in some form, is the journey through the Portal Stones that reveal alternate pasts and futures for the characters. I do wonder if it might have been thematically replaced by the tea that reveals past lives. This is one of my favourite innovations in the show, and actually something that's been my headcanon since I was a teenager reading the series for the first time. There had to be some reason, I thought, that these people of the far future treat reincarnation not as a matter of religious faith but of concrete, undeniable reality. They know with absolute certainty that everyone dies and is born again, endlessly. They know that when the Dragon comes, the title will not be symbolic, but one that belongs to the man who was factually Lews Therin Telamon in a previous life. That is why they fear the Dragon. Because he will be the one who broke the world, come again. And so there must be a proof, a way of truly knowing that souls are reborn. My idea was always a ter'angreal, but perhaps the tea is a psychotropic substance which opens up the pathways to the soul and its migrations. And of course, the way of demonstrating that these aren't just hallucinations would be to access memories of a recent lifetime and track down physical proof of it. So I was delighted that someone saw the necessity of such a proof in the world of WOT, just as I always did.

I've already seen that Season 3 was confirmed and has begun production, and I am so excited to see it and all of the new exciting changes and directional choices!

[the-magicians-blue]

hey. ill give u some candy if u make more micah yujin content pspsps

👀 I would like twix please and thank you. Speaking of sweet things…

ALSO TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY WHO ARE THEY???

5:37pm

The biggest surprise Micah got when he started dating you was how sweet you actually are and how much you’re into him. He knew you liked him, but it’s not until you become a little more open and honest with him that he feels you love for him is as deep as his love for you. Of course the feisty side of you is still there and he still finds your back and forth banter exciting and sexy but BOI does he love your sweeter side. You were so gentle with him sometimes he felt one day he’d just melt and turn into a puddle of Micah. He’d like to think you’d still love him though.

You always make a point to set time aside to spend with him, even if its just a movie and cuddles before bed or a long video call on nights when he can’t be with you physically. He swears he was sent to heaven when he noticed your planner had ‘Micah Time <3’ on literally every day. Like how can someone be that cute??? He doesn’t get it??? Of course he never tells you that he saw your planner but every now when you call him or join him on the couch he’ll casually ask:

“Oh? Is it Micah time Angel? Good. I missed ya~”

To this day you aren’t sure if its a coincidence or if he knows.

On days where you’re both free to spend more time together sometimes you take him off guard with having something planned for you to do together. His favorite is when you find a desert recipe to try and make. He loves sweets and cooking. Adding you to the mix makes them a million times better for him. You two made a cake together once for his birthday and it became his favorite birthday gift to date.

Of course you being sweet doesn’t bar him from teasing you. The one thing he will never let you live down was when he caught you simping over him while gaming on call with your friend. You thought he was in the kitchen and you were in the clear to talk about him. Little did you know the sneaky man had decided to record your call onto his computer while you were distracted by the game and your friend when he overheard the mention of his name when he walked by the door. He listened in from a different room and was both floored and over the moon about how you described him to your friends. He’ll never admit it but he cried hearing what you had to say about him.

“He’s just so… amazingly perfect? Like yeah I wanna beat his ass half the time but like in a romantic way? It’s weird I deadass hated this man a few months ago and now I get depressed if I don’t hear from him at least once a day. This man has me in a choke hold and it concerns me that I’m becoming more an more ok with it. Like brodie I am DOWN BAD for this man. He could literally try to seduce me in that dumb weenie costume he has and I’d still think he’s cute. It’s weird… I don’t ever think I’ve been into someone this much before, especially in such a short time. It’s scary, but in a good way I guess…”

Later that night he showed up in his weenie costume with a smirk as started flirting with you, giving you the corniest jokes he’s got. When you laugh and tell him to leave and take the costume off he raises an eyebrow and goes:

“Oh? Why should I? If I’m remembering correctly didn’t you say you’d still think I’m cute weenie suit or not? I thought you were down bad for me~ Don’t try and deny it angel, I’ve got it all recorded.”

To this day he thanks the universe that he thought to have his camera ready because the look on your face was priceless for him. He even keeps as his home screen (not lock screen he would never allow anyone else to see such a cute reaction) or sends it to you randomly whenever you think you have the upper hand in one of your banters. However he never sends the actual recording to you. Thats his and his alone to hear. Whenever he has to be away from your home for a long period of time or he wants your attention while your working he’ll listen to to remind himself that you love him just as much as he does and even if you’re both busy eventually Micah Time will come around and he’ll have you to himself. Can’t have Micah Time without his angel right?

[fruitsaladc0wboy]

Can I hear about your D&D party who hates eachother soooo bad?

anon I am kissing you on the mouth

hokay the OG (as we call them) has been a rotating cast of a whole bunch of characters over the course of Six Fucking Years (which is CRAZY to me. we play them sort of on and off but that’s bonkers that we’ve been playing some iteration of them for that long) but the current iteration (known occasionally as Five Guys) is andal, skillet, rax, kettle and my character trinket! they all fucking hate each other. but also they love each other. they’re so much.

trinket was originally the villain from a one shot I ran six years ago that my party hated so much they decapitated him at the end. it’s ok he deserved it. so then about a year later one of my friends that was in that campaign was like “hey. what if we. stitched his head back on. and you played him as a pc” and I was of course like SAY NO MORE so now he’s going through a post-resurrection redemption arc and is mostly just sort of grumpy and depressed now.

they really are just the perfect combination of characters to make a party that Fucking Hates Each Other though. every time we play them we spend most of the session arguing and swearing at each other it’s great. but also they love each other they’re the worlds most fucked up found family. skillet and andal are the people who killed trinket in the first place so as you can imagine that relationship is. COMPLICATED. andal and skillet are actually very close friends but andal is kind of a cunt so they still argue a lot. trinket and kettle are best friends and have been for years but kettle annoys trinket like it is his fucking Job. rax keeps trying to flirt with both kettle and skillet while The Bastard Brigade (andal and trinket) scream in protest because that’s GROSS. we are all constantly yelling and threatening to kill each other while simultaneously making sure the others don’t die. I hate you so much you’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me but also please don’t die that would be horrible.

they mean everything to me