#I talk to funny people

[incorrectcreepypastafam]

Question... What's an strangely specific for no good reason conversation you have had with friends or family that you think would fit some of the creepypastas?

I have so many of these dude.

I literally write down every funny conversation I have in a separate folder in my notes app

Liu: normalize shooting people when they upset you

Toby: I’m gonna Jeff the kill you

Jeff: I’m gonna Jeff the fuck your mom

Jeff, reading an Instagram post: the feminine urge to go completely insane

Toby: do it

Jeff, holding a block of cheese: I will beat you with this

Jeff, making fun of Liu: if you can’t naturally have good eyesight storebought is fine

Lyra: sometimes I wish I had stayed dead

*talking about weird nicknames*

Toby: how do you get Dick from Richard?

Jeff: ask him nicely

Jeff: I’m leaving *puts in earbuds*

Tim: Jeff, close the knife drawer

Jeff: but they’re colorful

Tim: you’re two different people

Liu: nah

Jeff: that’s never been true

Ben: are you sitting on your brother?

Jeff: it’s his fault

Toby: is that a challenge

Jeff: oh that’s a challenge alright

Liu: ITS NOT A CHALLENGE

Liu: be on your best behavior, both of you

Jeff: what have I ever done

Liu: you’re mean

Jeff: hey Geoff go off yourself

Sally: I will bite out your eyes

Toby: oh my god

Toby: calm down

Jeff: don’t say swear words, motherfucker

Jeff: I’m straight

Jeff: I love women

Liu: nice one, Jeff

Lyra: put your caulk away

Ben, playing Stardew Valley: Abigail?

Ben: she won’t talk to me

Jeff: Abigail won’t talk to you?

Jeff: bitch

Brian: you can’t trust shrimp

Brian: you turn your back and they start frying rice

Ben: I’m teaching you the makeup of the sun

Ben: red

Ben: orange

Jeff: you know what they say, third stab’s the charm

Jeff: Twilight vampires are stupid. Fuck those vampires

Toby: what am I thinking of

Lyra: I have no idea! :)

Liu: be good, tiny tot

Sally: I will not

Liu, pointing at Ben: don’t hang out with him!

Liu, pointing at Ben: you did this!

Tim: what do you do for the rest of the hours

Jeff: I sleep

Tim: I think at some point that much sleep just means depression

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[cowardlykrow]

Stop light shenanigans

Extra:

[electricpurrs]

he.....is.....MY.... MEOW MEOW!!!!!!!!!! *my telekinesis throws all the furniture into the walls*

[mazeyphaedra]

was rewatching fabian’s baron moment on account of it being the most delicious piece of pvp in my recent memory and ally beardsley’s growth as a player just shone through so brightly and with such clarity. after dusting off their shock they immediately asked about the nemesis ward, had enough knowledge about fellow pcs stocked to remember adaine’s ac with such like frustrated confidence and certainty, suggested to siobhan to dimension door out of adaine’s room, like. they came into this making a character with 4 dex. and now the dice deity offered to roll a check to sense if adaine was in danger. making decisions, asking questions, getting invested in the story, trying so hard with the tools they have to save characters from danger; ally beardsley is an incredible d&d player.

[limeandlightonwater]

steve telling his students (teacher!steve, so true) about his super sweet and caring husband and they all think it's just some average, boring dude. and they find out that the guy who irons mr. harrington's clothes every morning and adopted 3 kittens so the siblings wouldn't be separated, is a rock musician, with tattoos all over his arms and is wearing a shirt that says sum shit like "the devil was an angel too" when he comes in for career day.

alternatively, eddie telling his bandmates about how super cool and tough his husband is & then one day some guy in a baby blue polo and pressed slacks shows up before their show to give eddie a specific pick and a kiss on the cheek and eddies band mates are like..........that's him? that's the guy who bit the head off a bat and hit billy hargrove with his car?

(edit: read steve's version here!)

[chloesimaginationthings]

Never thought i'd see or hear the day where movie Mike would say "Ight bet"

I love making Mike talk like this

[catmask]

would love to be a cool stoic guy. unfortunately i never shut up

[radishearts]

It’s almost like they’re birds of a — no I shan’t say 👀

Reblogs appricoted :>

[thomas-the-goat-of-satan]

one of the funniest things about Light Yagami is that he is So aware of himself and So invested in Not Being Perceived As Strange that he has no real grasp on what an actual human interaction should look like. he knows what a Perfect interaction should look like, sure; he knows how to appear effortlessly charming and how to assuage suspicion, but the issue with that is that he reacts to really stressful and bizarre situations in an unnaturally prim and proper way, and then somehow can't understand why that makes him look even weirder. like. okay. this man with the darkest eyebags you've Ever seen and ever Will see walks up to you during your college entrance ceremony and says, "yeah, I'm L. best detective in the world." and Light goes through seven Completely Understandable And Normal Reactions in his head before he settles on, "y'know what would be the normal thing to do here? to completely fabricate my reaction so that I seem as disengeuous at possible! I can't have this guy think that I learned how to interact with other human beings from anywhere else but PBS KIDS! I have to react like Chief Yagami's totally normal son would!!" and like, that's all good and well, but if you were Actually Normal and not the weirdest person on planet earth, you'd have probably looked at the little cryptid and said, "uhm, actually I think that you're a filthy liar and also you dress stupid. why do you exist in greyscale."

[heartscrypt]

OH MY GOD WAIT I NEED TO TELL THE PEOPLE. ok so. you know how magicam is the twst version of instagram. i dreamt about the twst version of tinder.

it's called cinder (like cinderella) and its tagline is "find your prince before the clock strikes twelve". its gimmick is that when you make a match with a person you have 24 hours to talk with them. if you like them, get their contact information before time runs out. because otherwise you're never fucking seeing them on the app again IT BLOCKS THE OTHER'S PROFILE. this is where capitalism comes in though. through a paid subscription, once per day, you can "leave a glass slipper" on a match's profile. it functions as a bookmark and keeps your conversation open for another 24 hrs. after the time is up you can keep the glass slipper there to extend more time or remove it to leave it on someone else's

[beebfreeb]

Messaging people for the first time is so hard. What am I supposed to say? Like, "You seem really odd and your blog intrigues me. Do you want to have philosophical conversations or perhaps talk about fictional characters?" What! Whatever. I will just follow you back and stare at your blog with my big beautiful brown eyes.

[introspectivememories]

been watching mashle and oh my god, the eugenics???? the way lance's parents were so ready to give up their daughter??? no second thought???? just "why did this child have to be born to us?"???? um everyone talking in mash's face about how non-magic people are inherently worthless???? the triple line dude fucking making dolls out of people and somehow no one??? is??? checking him???? and then when questioned immediately jumping into "well humans are little more than mindless beasts and i will become a creator deity and reshape the world in my liking!"????? the, um, corruption in the government??? the way this story is so clearly "h*rry p*tter if it was actually funny"??? the slytherin coded characters are blood purists???? they took out hufflepuff??? one of the magia lupus' mage's powerset was just big shuriken???? another one is rip off kisame???? lance is a siscon and the first thing mash says is "that doesn't make it better"???? lemon is genuinely so fuckin funny??? dot is incel-coded but like in a funny way??? dot says that lance is playing life on "easy mode" cause lance has a good face??? dot likes tea??? dot has good manners??? everybody only has one spell they can use??? finn ames is like if you transported is regular human into this stupid ass world??? i think the old man and the cop have explored each others bodies.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Welcome to the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger.

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

[yellowocaballero]

Miguel is Fine, Actually (Being Spider-Man's Just Toxic As Hell)

Before I watched ATSV I said that I would defend my man Miguel O'Hara's actions no matter what, because he's always valid and I support women's wrongs. I was joking, and I did not actually expect to start defending him on Tumblr.edu. But I'm seeing a lot of commentary that's super reductive, so I do want to bring up another perspective on his character.

Miguel wasn't acting against the spirit of Spider-Man, or what being Spider-Man means. Miguel isn't meant to represent the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miles is the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miguel represents Spider-Man taken to its extreme.

Think about Miguel's actions from his perspective. If you were a hero who genuinely, legitimately, 100%, no doubt about it, believed that somebody is going to make a selfish decision that will destroy an entire universe and put the entire multiverse at severe risk - if you had an over-burdened sense of responsibility and believed in doing the right thing no matter what - you would also chase down the kid and put him in baby jail to try and prevent it. He believed that he was saving the multiverse, and that Miles was putting it in danger for selfish reasons. Which is completely unforgivable to him, because selfishness is what he hates the most. And then he goes completely out of pocket and starts beefing with a 15yo lmfaooo he's such a dick.

But why did Miguel believe that? Why did he believe that Miles choosing himself and his own happiness over the well-being of others was the worst possible thing? Why did he believe that tragedy was inevitable in their lives, and that without tragedy Spider-Man can't exist?

Because he's Spider-Man.

Peter Parker was once a fifteen year old who chose his own happiness over protecting others. It was the greatest regret of his life and he never forgave himself. Peter's ethos means that he will put himself last every time, and that he will sacrifice anything and everything in his life - his relationships, his health, his future - to protecting and helping others. Peter dropped out of college because it interfered with Spider-Man. He destroyed his own future for Spider-Man. He ruins friendships and romantic relationships because Spider-Man was more important. If Peter ever tries to protect himself and his own happiness, then he's a bad person.

That is intrinsic to Peter. Peter would not be Peter without it. A story that is not defined by Peter's unhappiness is not a Spider-Man story. If Peter doesn't make himself miserable, then he's just not Peter.

That is a Spider-Man story: that not only is tragedy inevitable, that if you don't allow yourself to be defined by your tragedy then you're a bad person. If you don't suffer, then you're a bad person. If you ever put anything above Spider-Man, then you're killing Uncle Ben all over again. Miguel isn't the only one that believes this - as we saw, every Spider-Man buys into what he's saying. There's no Spider-Man without these beliefs.

Miguel attempted to find his own happiness, and he was punished in the most extreme way. He got Uncle Ben'd x10000. He tried to be happy, and it literally destroyed his entire universe. It's the Spider-narrative taken to the extreme. Of course Miguel believes all of this. Of course he believes this so firmly. He's Spider-Man. That's his story. And the one time Miguel tried to fight against that story, he was punished. And like any Spider-Man, he'll slavishly obey that narrative no matter the evil it creates and perpetuates. Because if he doesn't, the narrative will punish him. The narrative will always punish him. It's a Spider-Man story.

I don't think the universal constant between Spider-Mans, the thing that makes them Spider-Man, is tragedy. I think it's the fact that they never forgive themselves. And Miguel is what that viewpoint creates. He doesn't believe this things because he's an awful, mean person. He believes them because he's a hero. He's a good person who hates himself.

Across the Spider-verse isn't really a Spider-Man story. It's a story about Spider-Man stories. Miguel's right: if this was a Spider-Man story, then Miles acting selfishly really would destroy the universe. But Miles' story isn't interested in punishing him. It pushes back against Peter's narrative that unhappiness is inevitable and that you have to suffer to be a good person. It says that sometimes we do the right thing from love and not fear, and that Peter's way of thinking is ultimately super toxic and unhappy. ITSV was about Miles deciding that he didn't need to be Peter Parker, that all he needed to be was Miles, and ATSV is about how being Peter Parker isn't such a good thing. Miguel shows that. Whatever toxic and unhealthy beliefs he holds - they're the exact same beliefs that any Spider-Man holds. He's a dick, but I don't think he's any more awful a person than Peter is.

TL;DR: Miguel isn't a bad person, he just has Spider-Man brainrot.