#i swear there used to be a better quality version on YouTube but this is all i could find today so i also linked the OG video from Facebook

[kindahoping4forever]

My friend was wondering about this interview but I'm not sure I've heard if it could you help me?

"what’s that one interview where Calum is all “he ain’t worth your time girl”"

That would be the "Agony Uncles" advice video from 2018! The part you're looking for is about 50 seconds in 😌

[featureenvyproductions]

my thoughts on how to do Basically Kinda cel animation but cheap as fuck. strap in this is a long post and there are many swears PART 1

Really long intro

ok so I was animating my thing the other month right, and I was going to infodump on how I do cel animation without the right training from the comfort of my chaotic mess of an office. But I got into it and I was like "my god, I'm going to have surgery in a few months and my gofundme has accumulated dust, I can't be buying fucking $1/each cels and more paint". that got me thinking like....MOST people are probably like "wow I'm broke as shit I can't do this" even if they want to, but I think you can, so I took a couple weekends to hurl myself face first into seeing if I could do this - the version for if you're broke as fuck or don't want to spend money.

Obviously if you want something good quality AND you don't want to make this a struggle, splurge on good supplies like real cels and paint if you have the money. But if you don't or you just want to fuck around, this info dump is for you.

Disclaimer: I'm not a professional (if you can't already tell lol 👀👀👀) and I have no idea if this is what cal arts would approve of or whatever the shit but to be brutally honest, I also don't give a fuck, they're too busy fulfilling their role as the gatekeepers of the human-expression-to-corporate-tax-write-off pipeline to watch your heartfelt if low res artistic expression so come join me in this pit and let's just do whatever the fuck we want with whatever we got.

My goal is to give you ideas so you too can do the fucking thing. It's not gonna be Snow White. It's not gonna even be Steamboat Willie. That's fine. The point is to do the thing anyway and make some shit you wouldn't have tried otherwise. (And share it with me here on the internet bc I'm bored and depressed. If you feel like it) because sure you can go and pull up your 2d animation software and rig some shit up and blow anything I can do by hand out of the water in about 3 min flat but THATS NOT THE POINT IS IT THE POINT IS THAT YOU TOO WANT TO EXPERIENCE ART AS SUFFERING AND MAYBE ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT SOFTWARE DOESNT MAKE ART FORMS OBSOLETE.

Anyway let me just stow this soap box under the counter real quick.

There.

K So I'm gonna go through how I tackled this challenge - cheap ass cel animation - starting with prep, then the drawing steps, then getting the shit into some form where you can put all the frames together.

Prerequisite suggestion

This ramble assumes that you at least vaguely understand how drawing works and understand the basic idea of how animation works. How to animate overall - like the principals of animation- is a wee bit outside the scope of this post, in no small part because I know there are a BILLION people out there who understand those principles and execute them better than I do. I think I followed some of Aaron Blaise's videos to learn, but there are also other tutorials on YouTube. I also just learned from watching pencil tests and filming references of my long suffering friend in which i gave her instructions like "ok NOW put your hands on your hips dramatically in the direction of that rock". But yeah like I said the principals of animation themselves are better off taught by someone who isn't me (and I'm honestly still practicing).

Alright that's enough intro. Let's start with setup

FINALLY THE INGREDIENTS LIST

Most of the stuff in this ?tutorial? is really probably honestly laying around your house right now, especially if you live with any 50+ people who have ever had an office job. But I will talk about costs anyway in case you're starting from scratch. I found pretty much all of the stuff at Dollar Tree, and yeah, it's not an ideal place to go, but also this is a tutorial for if you're broke. And also unlike things that you have to repeatedly buy that cost you more per unit in the long run, most things you are using here are one time necessities, so you really are saving money. ....Now I'm in the US. If you're not in the US, I think there are also similar stores in other places....It'll be similar to something like if there's a shop that sells stuff for 1-2 euro or whatever. Things at dollar tree range from about 1-5 bucks, but I managed this with the $1.25 items (some were actually less than that but I lost track of my receipt).

You will need the following shit for part 1 of this vaguely educational series:

The smallest cheapest strand of fairy lights you can get. Mine were battery powered, doesn't really matter either way. If you can get white ones get white ones. (I could Not find white ones :/)*

Batteries if they need batteries *

An 8.5x11 drawing pad (at the dollar store I got the 64 pg one)

A translucent container with a flat bottom. I got a little 8x12 storage basket for this. You probably can't get anything big at the dollar store but try to get something with a bottom as close to the drawing pad size as possible (it's ok if it's a little smaller) *

Scissors (or a knife/craft knife you don't mind destroying. You may want safety goggles if you don't have them. These also exist in dollar tree)**

Clear tape**

Something small and tube like. Maybe plastic straws. I actually used flagpoles from those tiny flags, you know the ones (ok these in the picture are NOT from dollar tree and i will provide excuses later on in this document. You could also use straws i think)

Hole punch

Super glue (or the strongest adhesive you can otherwise get if this isn't available to you)**

pencils (I don't know why I didn't take a picture of them but you're on the gay art website I feel like you've probably seen a pencil in your life)

sharpie (you'll use it more later but you might as well get it now)

A pack of sheet protectors (you may or may not need more depending on how many frames you're doing but for now one will do but for this first part you only need one)

* this is part of an optional component but you WANT TO HAVE IT TRUST ME

**if you are REALLY not in the mood to buy these things and you don't need the tape/scissors for the above optional item, you can technically just go to FedEx and like make a cheap b/w self serve photocopy of something to avoid the employees yelling at you and then quickly go use their choppy thing and the tape and scissors they have laying around in the self serve area. They may have a hole punch too idk

And now FOR THE MAKING PART

First thing to make: substitute peg bar

Some things I'm doing here are optional, but the one that really isn't is the peg bar. That's the thing that keeps all your stuff lined up. Without this your frames are going to be moving all over the place and movements won't register the right way. It's got (if you couldn't guess) pegs on it. And these match up with the holes in your paper or cels.

This is a real peg bar

I think this is like 16-20 bucks if you buy it on Amazon, maybe a smidge cheaper if you go through someone else (I will discuss traditional animation supplies for when you're NOT broke as shit in another post). The problem is that this is for acme punched paper (notice how two of the holes are long). Yes it helps things register better, but we're going to be punching our own paper and a 700 dollar acme punch is NOT in our budget today.

There is a version of a peg bar you can get that fits normal hole punch holes. But this isn't the buy things the easy way tutorial, this is the broke as fuck tutorial. So we're going to be making this shit.

Steps to make the thing (I'm sorry about this list not being numbered apparently even when you fuck with the html directly you can't put images in a numbered list on this webbed site):

Ok first we need some cardboard or cardstock. Something sturdier than regular paper. OH GUESS WHAT WE HAVE THAT. If you don't have other stuff to use laying around, take all the backing cardstock off the drawing pad. Be careful to keep as much of the adhesive stuff left on the actual paper as possible.

We're going to cut that into strips. Keep them as straight as possible. They should be like 1/2-3/4 in wide.

(You may want to skip ahead in the steps a bit to see how we're using this so when we use tape in this step you can avoid putting it where the pegs go. You don't have to but things will stick better) Stack them and tape them together as tightly as possible. This will be the bar part of the bar.

Take one of your page protectors and place it on the bar and try to center the middle hole on the bar. Trace that hole onto the bar and pick two others to trace (pick circle ones that fit entirely onto the bar).

Now we make the pegs. You will use the flags for this (or straws, see flags and note in the Ingredients TM list) So I actually had these pride flags from Walmart (please remember we are trying to stay dirt fucking cheap here, I promise I don't usually go to Walmart at all.) Bc my dollar tree doesn't have them yet, HOWEVER I KNOW THEY WILL BECAUSE IVE GOTTEN THEM BEFORE so technically by the time I finish writing this you will be able to get them there most likely. Now the great thing about cheap flags is they're cheap. That means they use shitty hollow plastic tubes as poles. That's great for us because we are going to snip off the ends and use them as pegs. You want to measure up a 1/2 inch from the bottom and cut them. Do this on 3 SEPARATE flags, because you want at least one perfectly flat end for each (that's likely the factory end, so keep track of which end that is). You can also use plastic straws for this probably, or paper sticks for thick lolly pops. The idea is whatever you use needs to fit the page protector holes.

Take your super glue or other adhesive and put a little on the "pegs" and attach them (factory side down) to the bar where you marked the holes in step 4. (note that the pic shows that I taped both this and the thing you're making next to the leftover cardstock to keep it all together, which is an option but you don't have to if you like to suffer)

Let this dry while we work on the next part.

Second thing to make: "light box" (I use this term COMICALLY loosely. Optional but you will have an easier life if you have one)

This is the LED Light pad I use for animating. If you can afford like 30 bucks, just splurge and get one. It helps you cheat and see your previous pencil drawings under the current one so you can better draw the current frame. (And before you ask yes I know it looks like I dug it out of apocalypse aftermath rubble I will not be taking criticism at this time,,,,)

If you can't afford that, we're going to MacGyver together a little apparatus that works basically the same way. The "we have LED light box at home" if you will.

(I mean you can also just tape a peg bar to a window and go at it which is free but your arms are going to hurt drawing like that. You can also just get really good at page flipping while drawing. I am NOT good at that )

Steps to make the thing:

Remember how I made you get a plastic container with as flat of a bottom as possible? (It can be flat on the inside or outside bottom doesn't matter) We're going to mutilate that. Put on your safety glasses if you have them and you're scissor-cutting something that tends to crack rather than bend because the occasional plastic shard will fly off. Cut the sides off the container. It's probably easier with a knife but I was all about suffering. Try to get as much of the sides off as possible. It's ok to leave some of them if that's the side you'll have facing down. (For me my container had an annoying hard to cut rim on the bottom so I just decided to cut the sides off entirely and have that side down).

Take your fairy lights out and unwind them. If you have battery powered ones... Pry the cheap little battery compartment open (you can see there's a screw driver there so use one if you have it but this plastic is so cheap you'll probably be able to just bend the cover and pry it open and rotate it out of the way tbh) and stick the batteries in. We do this first to make sure the lights work before we waste time using them.

Cut a little notch in the side of your plastic piece where the wires can go.

Flip your plastic piece so that the side facing you is the side you want facing down the rest of the time when you're actually drawing on this thing.

Feed the wire from the battery box (or coming off the plug if no battery box) through the little notch , with the battery box OUTSIDE the plastic area, and tape the wire in place.

Now arrange the strand so you have as even as possible a distribution of lights all over the plastic, and tape the wires down to hold the arrangement in place.

Flip it back over and switch it on. Voila shitty light box. Now you can't put a lot of PRESSURE on this but it'll do the job. You can see like 1-2 previous images through it too believe it or not. And this is with these horrible yellow lights I found, if you have brighter ones it should be more effective. (Now switch it off so you don't eat battery life)

Now let's get the paper ready

Now that the first part of your setup is done you need shit to do your pencil tests/preliminary animation on. (The thing you'll eventually trace onto the cel)

Take the paper you removed the backing from. We're going to mark and punch it. We'll be punching from the ADHESIVE/PERFORATED SIDE. This is important because it will help keep the pages and therefore holes aligned when we take the hole punch after it.

Here's how you go about it for the best result in my humble opinion:

If you made your peg bar as above, you've already removed the cardstock cover of your cheap drawing pad so go to step 2. If you haven't, then remove the cardstock cover/backing from your pad now. Try to keep the adhesive intact as much as you possibly can (basically you want to keep the pages from slipping when you eventually punch them so they need to stay in a neat little stack. If you're having trouble or you're having to use a different type of paper such as ink jet paper, you can probably also achieve this with binder clips in a pinch- is that what they're called? the black things? look like 90s butterfly hair things if you squint? Just make sure the paper is stacked evenly and the stack is held firmly together. )

Still trying to keep the adhesive holding the stack together as much as possible, carefully separate the paper into 2 or 3 smaller stacks. (ignore the hole markings in this picture I took it after I realized I needed to demonstrate this step)

Take one stack and put one of the sheet protectors over it, lining the side with the holes up so that that edge is along the perforation in the drawing paper (if you're using a different type of paper than the dollar store pad, line the edge of the sheet protector up with the edge of the paper, but move it about 1/8th to 1/4th inch away from the edge. basically you don't want the holes right on the edge of the paper). Trace the holes onto the paper with a pen or pencil. (Note: if you're using a manufactured peg bar, use that to determine the hole placement instead of a sheet protector - it'll be easier to modify the holes in sheet protectors if necessary later).

Carefully, keeping the stack of paper all lined up and together, punch each of your three holes with the hole punch. (The reason you made stacks is that do you really want to do this with each individual page? I didn't think so)

Ok Let's Try It Out!!

Alright here's a shot of me using this to draw some frames from my animation about some creepy deer (coming soon to a feature envy productions official tumblr near you). You take some paper and carefully place it on the pegs, sketch a key frame, and then place another sheet over that on the pegs, switch on the "light box" and sketch the next key frame, referencing the first one. (Oh and of course make sure you're drawing on the smooth side - not the side you taped the lights to). Like I said, this is definitely like. If you have no other options you might as well try it - You generally can see through about 3 sheets of paper in a dark room. At least the key areas. So you should be able to in between with this setup as well. Not great but hey! If you're on a strict budget, you can still do this, and it beats buying a bunch of expensive shit on Amazon. I'm pretty confident that most people have almost all of these items laying around their house like I said, but let's break it down - If you're like me and you animate at 24 fps but on 3s, that's an average of 8 frames per second. So for each pad of dollar store paper, you're getting about 8 seconds of animation (maybe more, maybe less). You can factor that in when deciding how many drawing pads to purchase (keep in mind if your backgrounds are very simple, you may be able to use the additional cardstock for this purpose as well instead of using up sheets of paper).

Stay tuned because we're not done yet!

Part 2 will be Inking and painting. (Note: on the day I'm writing this I have a placeholder post there, but if it's still a placeholder when you look, please keep checking, I will add the second part, I just didn't want someone to have to HUNT for it if you're looking at this from like a year from now) Yes ink and paint. You didn't think I was getting you all excited for a vine's worth of pencil tests were you? no we're doing the whole expensive process from pencils to final product. And I'm going to show you the cheapest way I could figure out.

[whochromatic]

I must not read chapter 109 and wait for the chapters to pile up.. I must not read chapter 109 and wait for the chapters to pile up.. I must...

*reads it anyways*

Why did I do that. Damnit, I should've known that reading that chapter would have re-activated my need for more. I was way better off ignoring anything related to Yohaji and just went about my day, not thinking about Yohaji every minute of the hour of the day of the week. But the damage has been done. Now I have to read the whole manga all over again just to satisfy myself once again. But no. That's not enough. I searched every corner to hunt every single content of Yohaji. Tumblr. Twitter. Youtube. Tiktok. Ao3. Our lord and savior Canada's account. The giver of reason in life, one who resurrects the dead, the sailor uniform to my life, Tanamai-sensei's account. I know that the Yohaji content in this world is not enough and will NEVER be. The moment I discovered this manga, I knew that it would be my life. The fact that it had only reached me last year, ber month is unforgivable. Why did it not have content as many as the amount of numbers there are to exist so that it could reach me at the start of it's existence? It should have been Yohaji. Not BNHA! Nothing against that anime by the way. Well, I am grateful that I stumbled upon Yohaji while it had 100+ chapters though. And the fandom being small enough to only have nice and cool people in it. But those fics in ao3 though? Why- I mean, I don't really care or pay attention to them but the fact that the amount of nsfw fanfics is probably (I'm saying probably because they might just be more) equal to the amount of sfw fanfics in there is- I swear, WHY ARE THERE SO LITTLE FANFICS OF YOHAJI?! 3 PAGES?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? There might be more in other places but I only read in ao3 and Tumblr if I find some there. I'm so thankful for the translators though!!! I love y'all. I love the fandom. I love the characters. I love Yohaji. I love the creator. God- sorry I forgot I can't use sensei's name in vain. I'm telling y'all, Tanamai is the GOAT. A GENIUS!! Your brain is beautiful. What goes on in head yours? Tell and everyone might gain more braincells. What's with you? What's with your humor?? What's with your lore?! WHAT'S WITH YOUR ART??? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!?! SENSEI WHEN I CATCH YOU OHH WHEN I CATCH YOU. But of course, it's not your fault that I'm starving for more Yohaji chapters. One month is nothing to me- IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CREATE THIS WONDERFUL AND HEAVENLY HOOK THAT CAUGHT ME EVEN ONLY WITH IT'S TITLE AND ART?? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE?!?! Senseiiiiii*sob* waaaaaahh... Still, I'm sooo happy this is getting an anime this year!! I've been waiting for this ever since I found out it existed along with other Yohaji fans. I knew it would happen soon enough because it's the law. It's a crime to not make an adaption of amazing yet weird yet amazing manga like no other. Death row. DEATH ROW!! It's fine even if it's low quality. As long as it exists, I can finally pass on peacefully- when it airs it better be as good as the manga and look immaculate, I'm telling you. Haha, just kidding. Or am I..? I cannot wait until April or whatever how long it takes for the anime to air just please. Please even the trailer only. But I'm sure everyone is already working hard to make the anime for it. Do your best!! You're doing the right thing! And.... uhm.. 24 episodes... please..? AHHH HARUAKI'S SMILEEE!!! IT'S INVADING MY MIND!! GET OUT! PLEASE GET OUT!!! THIS LOWLY UNGRATEFUL UNDESERVING WORSE THAN DUST BUZZ BUZZ KILLABLE STUPID MORTAL ABOMINATION CAN'T HANDLE OR DESERVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I can't do this. More. More. More Yohaji. I NEED IT. IF AIR AND SAILOR UNIFORM IS LIFE THEN SO IS YOHAJI!! RAAAAAAAHHH

Also I accidentally deleted a longer version of this and rewrote it with my memory. Thanks for wasting your time on this like I did.

[trooperwrites]

The Oshi No Ko Rant

Oshi No Ko

Enjoyment: 8/10

Quality: 8/10

Link

Genre:

Synopsis

Gorou is an OBGYN working in the countryside of Japan though his primarily job is taking care of a sick girl named Sarina. Both find companion ship in being massive fans of the idol AI Hoshino. However, when Ai appears at his hospital it appears that there is more to her than meets the aieye? And who is that mysterious figure is a hoodie? Follow the various characters in this exploration of the entertainment industry!

Review

Similar to my review of Killer In Love, I feel as if the broader reading of this manga has gone completely off the rails. Oshi No Ko is a text that concerns itself with the way we treat relationships; it is about the ways relationships affect and change people. To spoil the story and give some important context, Goro ends up being reborn as Ai's child after he gets murdered. Ai ends up giving birth to twins, Aqua and Ruby who are Goro and Sarina respectively. Afterwards, Ai ends up murdered by a crazed stalker. These events close out act 1 as Aqua and Ruby enter the entertainment industry.

In an early arc, Aqua, Kana and Akane must act in a play of a famous manga(I'm pretty sure that manga is the in universe version of Demon Slayer). We learn about Kana's acting career since her debut in the first volume as a prodigiously talented child actor. We learn that she was far too confident in her abilities leading to her to ignore the people she worked with. This led to her to change her acting style and the way she works with other people, she is willing to sacrifice herself and bends easily to the pressure of others. Throughout her time working on the play, Aqua reassures her that its okay for her to reject the demands of others and to act on her own terms. This is a microcosm of the commentary on the nature of relationships within the text. Aqua is arguing that in order for Kana to be happy, she needs to be willing to compromise but also to set her own boundaries.

This brings us to Aqua as a character, I think that if Aqua were tragic hero that his fatal flaw would be his tendency to self martyr and inability to communicate. After the death of Ai he swears eternal revenge on her would be killer, his father, and some point near the middle of the story he learns that his father is dead. Learning about this shocks him and he begins to live life in a healthier way, he forgets about his quest for revenge. However, this reprise is short lived as the person who died wasn't actually his father and he returns to his pursuit of revenge. The motivation behind this pursuit is not fully made clear but I believe that it is a manifestation of his belief in his duty towards his mother and idol. He believes that he failed Ai as doctor, as son and potentially even as a fan. This choice, in his mind, is justified by what he believes that Ai would've wanted him to do; this belief of what he thinks Ai wants him to do is contrasted with Ai's last moments of just wanting her kids to live a happy life. This projection is parasocial caused by Aqua blending all of his various relationships with Ai into one, instead of viewing his relationship as just mother and son. Aqua, viewing himself as a failure, chooses to continue pursuing his father instead of living his life because he has selected himself to become a martyr.

Aqua's willingness to sacrifice himself for those he loves can also be seen when the new B-Komanchi needed training to improve and get better. Here Aqua dressed himself up as a famous fitness YouTuber in order to get them prepared. He does this with no acknowledgement and no reward, simply out of what he believes to be a duty to his friends and family.

This brings us to perhaps the most controversial part of Oshi No Ko. The fact that Ruby, who was Sarina in her past life, as a massive crush on Aqua. To preface this, the discourse around the show, especially on reddit, has become massively in favour of Aqua and Ruby getting together and every time I read any post about this I ask myself if these people are reading the same text as I am. In the first volume of the manga, Sarina asks Goro to marry her. He rejects her but in the ambiguous "haha maybe when you are older" kind of way, this parses with his character as he is unwilling to potentially hurt someone he sees as family but also is not a pedophile. This is paralleled later on in the story when the two find out that they both reincarnated and she asks him again. He again rejects her in a very wish-washy kind of way. From what I've read online, it seems that many people are viewing this rejection as an implication that he likes when. I think this reading is completely offbase, again Aqua rejects her as he sees her as family but because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings she says it in a very unclear manner. In my mind, this is clearly meant to emphasize parts of their characters. Aqua and his inability to prioritize himself over others, and Ruby and her perceptions about her relationship with Aqua being incredibly off base and not based in reality.

All in all, I enjoyed Oshi No Ko but I don't think that its perfect. For example, it feels like that a lot of the side characters like Akane and Kana have almost completely disappeared from the story within the current arc. I will also note that a lot of the newer chapters seem to have been written in a way where they end on a massive cliff hanger but nothing ends up getting resolved in the next chapter and everything gets kicked further down the line. Regards, I think Oshi No Ko is an interesting read and if Ruby and Aqua get together I will return with a vengeance.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Prophecy of Eve (2014)

You’ve never heard of Prophecy of Eve and the odds are good you will never see it either. If you do, however, you’re in for the kind of catastrophe that rarely gets released. Appallingly acted, unconvincingly choreographed, incompetently written, poorly shot, clumsily recorded and flawed from the moment it was conceived, this film would be laughed off of YouTube.

As a child, Eve (Ia Villatuya) witnessed her parents’ murder at the hands of demons living among us. Growing up on the streets alone, she has evaded everyone, even the members of the mysterious ‘Order’ - a secret organization that trained her parents to fight the forces of evil. A prophecy claims Eve will cause the world to fall to darkness if she becomes corrupted by those demonic forces. Years pass, then, Eve re-emerges as a leather-clad swordswoman and everyone scrambles to win her over.

Prophecy of Eve is a laughable attempt to create a new version of Kate Beckinsale’s Selene from the Underworld series but with a microscopic budget. Everything about the film screams "bargain bin". The fight scenes are obviously either excerpts from a karate class or students from the same dojo in costumes. Even if the moves were impressive, you wouldn’t be able to tell - the camerawork is so wobbly. To compensate, the editor repeats actions 2-3 times, often in slow-motion. At least it’s easy to tell what just happened. You’ll need every bit of clarity to untangle the mess of a story the non-actors are struggling to make their way through. You’ll be watching, trying in vain to remember all of the identical-looking characters (none of which have any personality) when director, producer, editor, production designer, art director, set decorator and costume designer Ron Santiano introduces someone new. You swear you’ve been watching the film for at least half and hour but if they’re still setting up the plot, the lack of talent must be bending time itself. It makes the movie simultaneously predictable and so novel you’ve got no idea where it’s headed.

Not one of the actors in Prophecy of Eve has a chance of ever breaking into the big league because the performances are on the same level as a kindergarten play. In their defense, there’s laughable dialogue aplenty and the special effects seem to be barely trying. Just about everything is bad, which means you’ll never run out of things to criticize or make fun of should you decide to seek out the film. A word of warning, however. Prophecy of Eve does the one thing no movie can afford to do: skip out on the audio quality. Much of the dialogue sounds like it was recorded by a mike at the end of a cardboard tube. This makes it even harder to piece together who’s who and what’s going on because you’ll only catch about half of what people are saying. You’ll be laughing or groaning so hard on top of what you can hear that subtitles are a necessity.

You can’t make a movie like Prophecy of Eve by accident. These people thought they had the hottest, sexiest thing ever on their hands. What they didn’t realize is that they had just soiled their pants out of excitement on their way to the stage. This film tries so hard to be awesome it spirals around and becomes so lame you’ll wonder if you didn’t stumble upon the wrong movie by accident. And that ending. It’ll have you screaming in frustration at the top of your lungs at the sheer audacity on display. I could never recommend it to anyone. Even as a bad movie, you could do better. I must admit that as I sat through its meagre running time, I had a lot of laughs. I almost want to see a sequel... but not really. (May 15, 2020)

[kareofbears]

plainly in truth, chapter 3/5

"Without you around, it's sorta like stuff is just kinda...bleh."

—

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

Ryuji grips the letter like it was silver and he was a werewolf in the full moon.

He picks it up, skims over the first line before putting it down beside him, feeling worse every time he does it, only able to read the fine-printed lettering from the flickering lamp post above him. The constant change in light would normally bug him, but he doesn’t really care about it now; it’s not like the words would change in his hand, and he’s long since needed to actually read it to know what it reads.

His feet dangle over the canal, enjoying the way a rush of adrenaline would go through him when he looks down into the deep waters. It’s late enough in the night that even with the city lights around him, he can’t gauge how deep it goes.

Soseikawa Park was only a five minute walk from Odori Park, but with the narrow river and steeped hills, Ryuji found it secluded enough to let himself sit. Breathe. Not exist, even for just a few minutes. It’s like having his own bedroom, except it smells faintly like a sewer and there’s an intersection about ten meters above where he sat underneath the overpass. If he can ignore the never-ending rumble of cars and trucks driving above him, it can almost be considered peaceful.

He lets himself fall back, the grass tickling the back of his neck and his spine screaming in relief. They’re heading out again in two days, which means more days of being in an inescapable RV surrounded by his best friends who are keeping an eye on him because they’re good people who don’t know how to mind their own fucking business.

Idly, he lets his hands pull and brings it to his face—blades of grass. He lets it get taken by the wind. After brief consideration, he shoves the letter back into his pocket before he can do the same thing to it.

He is so tired.

Blindly, he hits the vague area of where his pocket is and fishes out his phone, hitting the first speed dial before he can talk himself out of it. As two rings go by, he stupidly hopes that she doesn’t pick up, as if she hasn’t ever missed a phone call from him even when she’s at work.

The third ring gets cut off halfway through. “Ryu!”

Despite himself, he grins. “Hey, ma. Checking in for the weekly call.”

“I was just thinking about you,” she says, and he can hear the laundry machine run in the background. “I was wondering if you had eaten today.”

“Ma, you ain’t gotta worry about that kinda thing anymore. I’m a big boy now.”

“You’re breaking my heart!” He can almost see her, phone tucked in the crook of her neck, work-worn hands folding her laundry as fast as she can so as to not hold up the next person in line. “It doesn’t matter how big you are, you’re my boy. How can I not think about whether my boy is eating or not?”

“All I’ve done on this trip is eat, ma.”

“Oh, and Akira! How’s that handsome boy doing? Still taking the world by storm?”

That pulls a genuine laugh from him—he never needs to hold back when it comes to talking about Akira, at least. “You know it. He’s the only guy in the world who can stand toe-to-toe with me in chowing down. I swear, he’s slipping some of it under the table ‘cause he’s so damn fast. Forty seconds! Forty seconds to inhale an extra large beef bowl! Blows my mind, seriously.”

“Could never do anything in halves, can he?” she chuckles, before the quality of her voice shifts. “And are you enjoying yourself?”

He hesitates. “Yeah, of course. It’s a roadtrip across Japan, how can I not?”

“Good.” There’s some crackling over the receiver, and he guesses she’s probably adjusting the basket full of clothes on her hip. “That’s all I want to hear. As long as you’re happy, Ryu, I’m a happy old woman.”

Ryuji opens his mouth, ready to console her.

I’m always happy!

You worry too much, ma.

There’s nothing to worry about.

“Sorry, but,” he swallows thickly. “I think they’re calling for me? So—”

“Alright,” she says, and he might be imagining the disappointed tinge to it. “Call back when you can, okay sweetheart? I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” he clears his throat. “I love you, ma.”

“I love you too, Ryu.”

He hangs up, letting the phone slip out of his fingers. It lands hard on the flat grass

For a long moment, he just lays there, listening to the gentle lapping waves and cars honking with impatience of people who have somewhere to be. He tries to meditate for half a minute, with all the information he had learned from a couple of YouTube videos, and gives up, because of course he does. Squeezing his eyes shut, he can’t do anything about the creeping dread that’s in his stomach getting stronger, squeezing and squeezing until he feels sick. It’s like his insecurities are having this huge fight against each other, feeding off of one another until it gets too big for him to handle and all he can do is breathe and try to do something about it.

And he’s fucking sick of it—breathing. He’s sick of the stupid breathing techniques, sick of counting down from ten and waiting for his own heart to chill out because his brain won’t stop reminding him of everything he did wrong, of shit he’s still doing wrong because at least this way, nobody knows what he did was wrong. It’s just him that can point and laugh at himself, and that’s way better than having the world do it for him.

He doesn’t cry, because he’s not a crier. He’s the type of guy to throw a fist through drywood before shedding a tear, and he hates that about himself. Rather than do something that will actually help, Ryuji lays there, perfectly still. Listening. Waiting for a meteor to fall on him, or for the overpass to crash its entire weight on top of him.

Instead, he hears footsteps.

His heart rate slows by a fraction, and opens his eyes to meet gray ones. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Akira says, a smile in his voice. “How did you know it was me?”

Ryuji almost feels offended. He would know Akira by sound alone, the way his heels would click in the Metaverse. The way the balls of his feet would strike the earth, hardly muffled by grass or cheap sneakers or anything else as trivial. Ryuji would know he was there; no matter how blind he was with hatred for himself, his love for Akira would always guide him back to where he needs to be.

“Lucky guess.”

“One hell of a guess.” He plops down onto the grass and Ryuji lifts his head, allowing Akira to wiggle until he could use his lap as a pillow. “Your turn,” Akira says.

“My turn to what?”

“To ask me how I knew where you were.”

“Oh.” He lets his eyes slide shut again. “I kinda just assumed you could do that.”

“You assume too much of me sometimes.”

“I assume the right amount.” Ryuji refuses to shiver when he feels long fingers start to card through his hair. “You’re giving me goosebumps,” he sighs.

“That’s a good thing, I think.” The fingers pull away and he’s about to complain when he feels something gets thrown over his torso. “Here. You always end up forgetting to wear an extra layer when you go out like this.”

Ryuji rearranges Akira’s jacket over himself. “Sap.”

“You know it.” He resumes combing through his hair, and Ryuji lets himself relax, just a little. It’s strange—it’s hard as hell being around other people nowadays, and even though Akira can make him feel that sometimes, mostly it helps the eternal twisting of his stomach to settle.

“You’re good at that,” Ryuji mutters.

“Thank you. I’ve had plenty of practice with Morgana.” And just to make it worse, he uses a little bit of nail on his nape, sending electricity running down all the way to his fingertips.

His mouth twists unhappily. “Don’t do shit like that while talking about the cat, for the love of god.”

Akira does it again, like the little shit he is. “You still have that weird thing with your neck?”

“Quit it!” Ryuji slaps his thigh and he can’t muster much anger when he can feel Akira’s shoulders shake from silent laughter. “You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“You’re right.” Gently, softly, like the world’s lightest feather, he feels lips brush his temple. “I’m funnier.”

His eyes open, and his entire vision is obscured by curly black hair and tender eyes. “You’re right,” he breathes. “You’re funnier.”

Akira bends down again, and Ryuji catches his lips, overflowing with something soft but unafraid, and it’s so good that Ryuji reaches for his cheek just to make it last a little bit longer.

When they break off, Akira kisses his temple again, this time on the left side. “Do you know what day it is?”

“Uh,” he scratches his head, brain a little fuzzy. “Tuesday?”

“It’s Wednesday, and I meant the date. It’s August tenth.”

“Okay?”

Akira thumbs at his collarbone. “I know this might be a little lame that I know it by heart, but I left Tokyo on March 19th. That would mean it’s been—”

“One hundred forty-four days since you moved away,” he finishes. “I know.”

Akira blinks, and then laughs, and Ryuji knows it’s an especially good one because sound actually comes out this time. “Yes,” he says, elated. “Exactly what I was thinking.”

“I told you dude, we’re really on that telepathy shit.”

“We really are.” A pause. “I miss you.”

He’s about to joke—I’m right here, you big dummy—but find that he just can’t. “I miss you too.”

They can’t say what they mean: I will miss you. Summer vacation doesn’t last forever, and two months will always be a hell of a lot shorter than the rest of the ten months that they’ll be apart. Somehow, he dreads seeing Akira gone, and he’ll dread seeing Akira back in Tokyo because it would mean that he’d actually have to see what Ryuji’s really like. Actively pushing away his best friend just so he doesn’t have to see his failures; doesn’t that just make him the worst piece of shit in the world?

There’s a gap, though. A little loophole. A crack in the timeline. A place where maybe he’s allowed to be a hollowed out version of happy; the now.

“Tomorrow’s our last day in Sapporo?”

“Yeah?” Akira replies, surprised at the change in tone.

“Which means Jail stuff is done, right? All your grocery shopping and Sophia Prime’s been ordered and packed up?”

“Yes,” he says, a lilt in his voice. “It’s all done.”

Ryuji sits up and faces him, reaching for his wrists, relishing in the heartbeat thumping against his palms. “Let’s do something. I don’t care what, but let’s do something. Eat at a diner, go to a museum, rob a bank, whatever.” He runs his thumb along the veins there, long since those bumps have been ingrained in his brain. “Let’s do something, just you and me.”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Sakamoto?” He has a cocky look in his eye, and Ryuji’s half-tempted to kiss him again just to wipe it clean off his face. “You know I’d follow you anywhere.”

He knows. That’s the scary part. Would Akira still follow someone he doesn’t know as well as he thinks he does? “I’ll get us lost,” he jokes.

Akira doesn’t laugh. “I’d rather be lost with you than learn to lose you.”

It’s been ages since he’s been flustered at anything Akira does, but he feels a rush of heat crawl up his neck. “I’ll—” Ryuji shakes his head, willing his embarrassment to go away. “Shit, uh—”

“I’ll pick where to go,” he interrupts, a little too smug for his liking. “I’d say I’ll pick you up at your place, but…”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re a comedian,” Ryuji rolls his eyes. “I’ll be ready whenever.”

“Fantastic.” Akira checks his phone, wincing. “It’s late.”

He grips his wrist tightly. “I know.”

Thankfully, he’s never needed to explain much to Akira. “Okay,” he says softly. “Ten more minutes?”

“Yeah.” He lets his eyes slide shut once more, letting out a breath. The world will keep spinning. His stomach will keep twisting. Time will keep marching on, but at least he has this. “Ten minutes sounds good.”

—

The first words that Futaba says as she enters the RV was: “Oh, hell.”

“Hello Futaba-chan, Yusuke-kun,” Haru greets cheerfully from the booth. “How was your shopping trip?”

“...Fine,” she replies, stepping aside to let him in, lugging a four-foot tall canvas in his arms that accidentally hits the ceiling. “Got a new Featherman action figure.”

“I got a canvas,” Yusuke answers from behind the wall of white. “Though I assume you can see that.”

“I can.” Her smile doesn’t falter, and it’s making the hair on Futaba’s nape rise like a nervous animal. “Quick question, since you both are here…”

Haru pulls a tote bag from underneath the table, and it’s so heavy that when she throws it on the table, her teacup nearly topples over. “Would you like to take a guess of what’s in this bag?”

A billion jokes pop into Futaba’s head, but both of them stay silent, terrified and confused. They both knew this was coming, but they didn’t expect her to be so forward about it.

“I suppose that’s a pretty strange question, I’m sorry. Let me try again.” She reaches in and pulls out thick, heavy textbooks, all brightly coloured and consist of beaming, diverse students on the front cover. “Care to tell me why you were both looking at cram books while we’re on our fun roadtrip?”

Yusuke pushes Futaba aside, eyes on the books and wide with shock. “You bought them?!” he exclaims.

“Wait—” Futaba hops repeatedly, trying to catch a glimpse from over his shoulder. “You bought all of them?”

“Of course.”

“But why?”

She thinks about it for a moment. “Hmm, think about it this way. If Akira’s in charge of the group as a whole, and Makoto’s in charge of the more analytical aspect of things, think of me as a somewhat stern yet loving parent who doesn’t quite know how to mind their own business.”

“I thought that was Ann’s job,” Futaba mutters, heart hammering in her chest.

“Now,” Haru leans forward, and as if to prove her role, speaks in a gentle tone. “I’m not mad at you. That would be ridiculous. But I saw you two looking at these books, and I know how expensive they can be, so I’ll give them to you.”

She blinks. “You would?”

“Absolutely!” Haru smiles wide. “On the condition that you tell me why you need them.”

Futaba and Yusuke exchange a glance, before Futaba makes a T with her hands. “Timeout!” she yells, dragging Yusuke by the collar out of the RV.

“What do we do?” he whispers once the door is shut. “It’s not as if we can tell her.”

“I don’t know, maybe we should?” she pushes up her glasses. “Damn, the things money can buy you. Our vow of silence is getting thrown out the window for two handfuls of yen.”

He looks her dead in the eyes. “I would tell the world my deepest secrets if it meant having lifetime access to a grocery store.”

“Don’t say that, you sellout!”

“I’m not selling out. My art already reveals the deepest portion of my soul, it’s not my fault that the common observers cannot pick up what I’m putting down.” He squints against the setting sun. “She’s waiting. What do we do?”

“Okay, okay, okay, just let me—” her mind whirrs rapidly, and for a second she really feels like Sophia. “Give me a second.”

“I have a suggestion,” he points at her. “If we’re not averse to lying, let’s tell them that you need them for school. You’re struggling with academics, you need a bit of outside help, so we took a look at the textbooks.”

“Good idea! Wait.” She frowns. “They’ll never buy it. Let’s say that you need them.”

“I’m at the top of my class!”

“But they don’t know that!” She balls her fists together, determined. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“I didn’t say yes to this.”

Futaba kicks the door open, making Haru pause wiping her spilt drink mid-stroke. “Inari’s struggling with his classes!”

“I—“ Yusuke stammers. “Yes,” he confirms. “I’m struggling with my classes. They’re mighty indeed, and even I find them difficult. I am...struggling.”

Haru looks at them doubtfully. “Yusuke is?”

“I am,” he answers as Futaba says, “He is.”

“Yusuke,” she repeats, gesturing to the neatly-stacked pile of textbooks on the table. “Is struggling with precalculus?”

They stare at her. “Yes,” Yusuke says, slowly. “I am struggling with previous calculus.”

“Out of curiosity, Yusuke,” Haru scratches her cheek. “Do you know what a parabola is?”

“Of course I do,” he replies with the wisdom of a thousand monks. “It’s a self-contradictory statement.”

“That’s a paradox,” Makoto corrects from the steering wheel.

“What the heck?” Futaba jumps a foot in the air. “Why are you here? Why were you hiding?”

“I like to sit here a few hours before we start another road trip,” she says, before glaring at them. “You two. Does this have to do with Ryuji?”

“T-timeout!”

Futaba makes a beeline to the door again, but Haru’s faster. She slips past them, standing in their way, perfect smile still in place. Sometimes Futaba forgets how strong she is in negotiations; her and Yusuke were probably tutorial levels compared to the upper management of Okumura Foods. “Answer her question, please.”

Yusuke sighs, tired. “You know what you’re asking for, don’t you? If we tell you what’s happening here, it would be breaking the trust of one of our teammates.”

“Yusuke!” Futaba hisses. “Are you really thinking about telling them? It’s not even our secret to tell.”

“No, it isn’t.” He makes eye contact with Makoto. “But she made a point. What would make us better friends: if we kept a secret to the grave while letting him suffer, or tell someone who can help even if it means being some sort of tattletale?”

“But…” she trails off, resolve crumbling. “Dude. It’s going to suck so much.”

“I know.” He pats her head, before moving to Ryuji’s backpack once more. “Don’t worry, I’m willing to take his anger if need be.” Yusuke gestures to the booth. “Everyone, take a seat. It’s about time this finally gets cleared up.”

Smoothing out the envelope in his hand, even more crumpled than when they had it last, he clears his throat, takes one last glance at Futaba to make sure. At her tentative nod, he begins to read its contents in a loud, clear voice.

When he finishes, they sit there, staring at the thick paper in silence.

“Oh my god,” Makoto breathes. “I knew it was bad, but—”

Haru shakes her head. “Not this bad. And he talked about it so much, but we didn’t even…” she glances down at the textbooks, idly rubbing its spine. “I didn’t think much of it.”

“None of us did,” Yusuke says. “But does that make it any better?”

They fall in silence again, but Futaba can hear the answer loud and clear. Hell no.

The door opens forcefully, pulling them out of their stupor.

“What’s up, my beloved friends!” Ann calls, shopping bags in tow. “God, I’m gonna miss Sapporo. Things here are so cheap compared to Tokyo, sheesh!” She sets them down, laughing when nobody says anything. “Jeez, what’s going on? Did I miss something?”

“Ann-chan,” Haru says carefully, all sense of cheer, for intimidation or otherwise, gone. “Take a seat. There’s something you should know.”

—

The Ferris wheel looms over them, blocking out most of the sunset behind it. “Nice,” Ryuji grins appreciatively. “I should’ve seen this one coming.”

“You should’ve,” Akira agrees, tugging him into the open carriage. He goes in willingly. “It was staring at you the whole time we’re in Sapporo. And besides, every romantic movie has a Ferris wheel scene, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah? Name one.”

“Death note.”

Ryuji makes a face, and Akira laughs. “Yeah, I know. Bad example.”

It’s a tight squeeze but they sit next to each other, ignoring the bench in front of them. The seats are hot, and even though it’s nearly evening, the heat barely eases up on them. Still, he finds himself pressing himself against Akira. He runs cold, much colder than Ryuji; narrow wrists are ice, prominent collarbones frost.

The two of them lean over the window, pointing out random scenery as if it were the first time they were seeing them. Restaurants, statues. Weird looking cars and flower beds. Decorated high rises and insects that fly by. It’s like they were tourists, or a retired couple who just want to travel the world. He’s never wanted to be old before, but Akira always has a way of making him change his mind.

Like clockwork—Ryuji makes a joke. Akira laughs. His heart feels lighter.

When he finds himself leaning against him, feet up on the bench, Akira wraps his arms around his shoulders unhesitatingly. Ryuji wonders if he can hear the way his heart thuds inside his bones. He wonders if he knows it's for him. The Ferris wheel stops, right at the very top, gently swaying like it were a giant cradle. They’re not very high up, but it’s far enough that he feels like he’s left the entire world behind.

Ryuji presses his lips against those wrists, relishing in the way he can feel the heartbeat increase. “You nervous?”

He can feel his head shake behind him. “I’m happy, I think,” Akira says in a hushed voice, like it was a secret, like it was a sin.

A breeze flows through, and Ryuji closes his eyes when lips press against just below his ear.

Would it be worth it to have a Palace? A Jail? Would it be worth it to lose himself, just to be in this moment for the rest of time?

Carefully, he flips himself sideways, just so he can press more of himself against Akira. The carriage rocks gently, and the metal bench underneath them is sharp and uncomfortable. Arms tighten around him. Chest to back, knee to knee, they couldn’t be closer, but Ryuji leans back, wanting nothing more than to bottle the rhythm of his breathing and the smell of his soap.

I’m happy, too, I think, he wants to say. If we stayed like this for the rest of our lives, until our skin is permanently tattooed into the hot steel and our bones are the only thing they take out of this bench because the rest of us had already rotted, then I’d be pretty damn happy.

Craning his neck backwards, Akira is already staring.

Then he’s kissing him—once, twice, again and again, and Ryuji realizes that something’s different. This wasn’t the kind of kiss he was used to. There was a desperate air to it, an urgent edge from both of them that neither was ready for. Stealing each other’s breath and giving it back; the cycle continues, the clock keeps ticking.

Ryuji pulls himself up, not breaking the kiss, cupping his cheek and soaking him in like a flower to the sun; an endless yearning, like he’d shrivel up and suffocate if it vanished. The sun framed Akira, and for a split second, he feels like he understands what Yusuke sees on a canvas.

When they part, foreheads leaning against each other, Ryuji lifts a trembling hand to wipe the tear that rolled down Akira’s cheek.

“What’s up?” he asks softly. “Is something wrong?”

“I feel like you’re a miracle, Ryuji.”

How do you respond to that? When the person who said it feels like they’re the one who’s magic, who’s too good to be true?

“Fuck miracles,” he says, pulling Akira in again.

—

The circuit felt like it ended too soon, but it’s night when they finally stepped off, holding hands and faces flushed. He hopes the ride operator doesn’t hate them, but he’s in too good of a mood to really complain.

Ryuji stops in his tracks when he sees who’s in front of them.

“Ann?” Akira questions, taken aback. Eyes dark and brows pulled close together, clutching her purse like a weapon of war—she looks like she’d just seen someone set an orphanage on fire.

Her voice is shockingly deep, gaze fixed on Ryuji. “I’m borrowing him for a second.”

Before either of them can say anything, Ann takes him by the bicep, and he can only glance at Akira before he’s dragged back into the Ferris wheel.

“Did you even pay—?”

“Don’t start,” she hisses, pushing him on the bench, hard. “Don’t you dare start, you damn liar.”

His blood runs cold. “What?”

No. That’s impossible.

“Don’t play dumb with me.” She shoves her hand in her bag and throws something rubber at him. “Do you know how long it took me to find a good one here? I spent my entire day in the shopping district—not looking for clothes, or shoes, or whatever the hell I thought would be fun. No, I spent our last day in Sapporo looking for that.”

Ryuji looks down at the hot compress in his hands, a lump in his throat.

“Because you weren’t doing anything to your knee,” she continues, jaw tight. “Despite me trying my best to help you get better. I thought that you must’ve been really fan-freaking-tastic at hiding the pain that you told me about. That I trusted was the truth because you’re one of my best friends and I trust you. I trust you with my life, my secrets—” Ann grits her teeth. “What the hell?”

“How did you find out?” he asks hoarsely.

She knows. If she knows, they could know. If they could know—

“Damn you, it doesn’t matter how I found out!” she throws her hands in the air, voice so hurt that it twists his insides impossibly tighter. “You think I would care? You think that this is important enough to lie to me about? Dammit, I don’t care that you—”

“Don’t say it,” he begs. “Please.”

“I don’t give a single shit that you failed second-year, Sakamoto!”

Her words ring against the steel walls, deafening.

Bile crawls up his esophagus, and he readies himself for another attack. But for some strange reason, his vision doesn’t blur. Instead, anger kicks in like it always does.

“You don’t care?” he asks, incredulous. “This doesn’t even have anything to do with you!”

“It does when you lie to me about it!” she yells back. “Do you not care about me? About your friends who would go to hell and back for you?”

“How dare you—!”

“You lied to me, you hid it from everyone else, you ignored our advice because it doesn’t mean shit to you.” She points a finger at him. “And look where that got you.”

“Shut up.”

“We all noticed, you know! Each and every one of us noticed that something was up, even the literal robot—”

“Shut the hell up, Ann.”

“And for what? All you accomplished was hurt our feelings, hold in yours, and keep it from the love of your life—”

Ryuji stands up, rocking the carriage and nearly toppling Ann off her feet.

“It’s because I fucking hate myself!”

She grips the barred window, eyes wide. They stare each other down for a few long moments, before the ride comes to an abrupt end. The door swings open, allowing a cheery greeting from the oblivious employee.

And then Ann sighs, shoulders deflating. “Come on,” she jerks her head to the door, before stepping out herself. “Let’s go.”

“What?” he asks, puzzled. “Where?”

“If we’re going to delve into the psyche of Sakamoto Ryuji, we might as well do it with some food in front of us.”

—

The cafe Ann takes him to is bright, filled with pastries and crowded with people—stools are pastel blue, baristas are wearing cute bowties, and each cup of coffee comes with an alarming amount of whipped cream on top. Sojiro would have a heart attack if he walked three kilometers of this place, but Ryuji’s glad that the resemblance is far and away than that of Leblanc.

The booth is pressed into the corner of it all; up against the window and far enough from the main bustle that they’d have to really put their all into it if they wanted to take their order. On one side sat Futaba, nervously tracing shapes on the window while Haru sits beside her. The opposite end has Yusuke and Makoto.

They all look up when they hear the bell chime, and Ryuji almost laughs. “It’s been a long ass time since I’ve seen you guys look so serious,” he remarks, sliding next to Makoto while Ann sits next to Haru. “Where’s the food at? Come on guys, food’s good for you.”

He raises a hand. “Excuse me! We’re ready!”

“Ryuji,” Futaba’s voice is brittle. “I—”

“Hold on shorty,” he reaches to pat her head, voice coming out soft. “We’ll get to that. I promise.”

A waiter comes, takes their drink order, and leaves. When he does, Yusuke places a heavy hand on the table. “I was the one who told everyone.”

“That’s not true!” Futaba cries out, and everyone jerks back in shock. “That’s bull! I’m the one who told him to go through your stuff ‘cause he was worried about you, but I’m the one who actually—”

“No, I’m the one at fault here,” Haru casts her gaze downwards. “It was really none of my business, but I forced these two to tell everyone here. I’m so sorry—”

Ryuji sighs. “Guys, it’s fine.” He’s met with an incredulous look. “Okay, it isn’t, but none of this is your fault, you know? I’m not mad.” His gaze shifts to Ann. “But you’re allowed to be mad at me. I know I shouldn’t have hidden it.”

She gives him a weighted look. “Then why did you do it?”

“Ann,” Makoto warns.

“No, I’m not budging on this.” She leans forward. “He lied to me. Lying doesn’t get you anywhere good. That was really stupid of you.”

“Ann!” Futaba cuts in, horrified.

“You’ve seen what happened with Shiho.” Ryuji flinches back like he’s been hit. He knows. Ann knows he knows. But she keeps going anyway. “She lied to me about what was happening, and I lied to her back. It kept going and going, and—” she snaps her fingers. “She’s gone from my life. For how long? I don’t know, maybe until we graduate. Maybe until her rehab ends. Maybe longer. Who knows? All I know is if we had just—talked, or—” Ann shakes her head, frustrated. “From the start. Tell us what happened. And afterwards, let us help you, or I swear to god I’m going to cry, and I know you can’t stand it when people cry.”

The silence is deafening, even with the clamor of people and voices around them.

Ryuji lets out a breath. “Yeah, alright.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You will?”

“I will,” he repeats, idly checking his pulse. Heart rate is a little quick, but in no danger of having another breakdown. “I’ll tell you everything.”

The waiter chooses that time to drop off their drinks; all cold except Haru, nursing a hot cup of tea. They definitely didn’t buy enough to justify the god-knows-how-long they’re going to spend here, but they’re just gonna have to suck it up.

“Alright,” he starts when they’re alone again. “We going from the start?”

“The very beginning,” Ann confirms.

With one last glance at his friends, he sighs, sits up straight, and flashes them the biggest grin he can muster:

“Hi,” he greets. “I’m Sakamoto Ryuji, and I failed my second-year of high school.”

No one’s expression shifts, not even an inch. He can’t help but be a little impressed. “You guys know that I’ve never been the greatest with books. Shit, screw greatest—I’ve ranked bottom five ever since I started middle school. Didn’t help that my leg got fucked to high heaven and everyone started hating me. Nearly dropped out a couple times. Had no one, really. Worst time in my life, hands down.

“So imagine this dumb little kid, middle of April, running into this guy.” Without meaning to, the grin shifts into something more genuine. “Good-looking dude, super smart, real charmer but you wouldn’t be able to tell just by lookin’ at him. And that guy saved my life. Ten, twenty, thirty times over. He was so great that the dumb kid obviously fell in love with him. But what’s even crazier is that the guy fell in love with the dumb little kid, too.

“Crazy, right? Sounds made up, but I promise it’s true.” He catches Futaba’s expression shift to exasperation. “I know, I can’t believe it either.”

“That’s not what I meant, you sap,” she says.

“Yeah, but that dumb little kid,” he explains. “Couldn’t believe it. Literally couldn’t believe it. Thinks that he struck the lottery, struck by damn lightning. I mean—” Ryuji laughs a little. “How can someone so amazing and cool be in love with such a moron? What made it worse…”

He gestures at all of them. “Was that the guy had so many people in his life who was also amazing. His social circle was made up of, and correct me if I’m wrong: a successful journalist, a politician, some dude from the mob, a random child who breaks gaming records on the daily, and I’m not even counting people from this goddamn table. So dumb little kid knows, he fucking knows that somehow, someway, he tricked the cool guy into falling in love with him. The kid sucked, no, sucks,” he corrects. “At everything. Can’t do anything worthwhile.”

“Ryuji…” Haru whispers.

“Almost done, I know it’s running on kinda long,” he promises. “So the dumb little kid became kinda obsessed with the group’s ‘activities’, and it’s obvious why he would, right? If he knows he’s not good enough for the guy he’s in love with, then he can at least try to be. But since he already sucked at school to begin with, dummy over here completely bailed on school and ended up flunking so bad that he failed an entire year.”

An entire year. An entire year.

It’s becoming harder and harder to breathe, but he’d rather get hit by a truck than lose it in front of so many people. Gritting his teeth, he does what he knows is bad, what every google search and YouTube video says you should not do—he pushes his feelings, far and hard away from himself, so far that it’s like it doesn’t even exist.

It works surprisingly well.

“And, uh—” Ryuji clears his throat. “He hid it. Because you know the one, single thing that’s worse than realizing you’re not good enough for the other person?”

No one answers. “Waiting for the day that they realize that you’re not good enough for them.”

“And that’s pretty much the bulk of it.” Reaching for his mug, he takes a sip of his lukewarm lemonade. Damn, he really did talk for a while. “I didn’t want to tell the rest of you because one, it’s really fucking embarrassing that I failed, and two—”

“Akira can’t know,” they all say in unison.

“Exactly, you guys get the point by now.” He drums his fingers against the table, trying to ignore the blatant gloom cast on all of their faces. “Question time starts now, if anyone wants to ask anything.”

Makoto opens her mouth, but he beats her to it. “If anyone even thinks about feeling pity, or be all ‘no, you’re smart actually!’, I am walking out of this cafe and I am not looking back.”

“What about summer school?” Makoto asks immediately. “If you didn’t want us to know, then you could’ve taken that without even telling us.”

“Summer school was never an option.”

“And why not?” she slaps her hand against the table. “It would’ve solved this entire situation!”

“Because Akira was coming home for the summer,” he says simply. “And I wanted to enjoy my time with him without this hanging over my head.”

Her jaw drops open. “But...that’s…”

“Stupid?” he offers. “Idiotic? Really dumb? Potentially throwing away my entire future? Yeah, I gotcha. Another part of it was that the thought of staying at Shujin for another minute makes me want to jump into traffic, if that helps make me look a little better in your mind, miss prez.”

Makoto’s expression of confusion freezes, taken aback by the harshness of his words. Ryuji cringes at himself. “Sorry.”

“No,” she says finally. “The fault is mine. I have no right to judge your actions, or to pretend I know what kind of stress is burdening you.” Hesitating, she asks, “May I request another question?”

“Shoot.”

“What were you going to do when we eventually go back to Tokyo?”

As expected of someone who went head-to-head against the ace detective in front of the entire school; her questions are brutal. “I don’t know, honestly. I was planning on ignoring the problem for now and just sort of,” he gestures vaguely. “Enjoy the summertime sun?”

“A moment,” Haru goes through her bag. “It’s a long story, but I have these—”

The second the books peek out of her tote, he recognizes the cover immediately. “Cram books? You bought some?”

“Yes!” she answers, mistaking his reaction for eagerness. “It’s a very small gesture, but I’d love for you to have them.”

“I—” he leans away from them, breath catching in his throat. “No.”

“No?” she blinks.

“Not now, senpai.” Trying out his new trick again, he forces his heart to slow down, forces his breathing to regulate again without any of the techniques, and forces himself not to feel any of the fear that he’d normally have to go through. It works, but barely. “I’m not—I don’t think I’m ready to deal with that yet.”

“That’s fine.” Haru puts them away, and as hard as he tries, he can still see how dejected she was. “I’ll hold on to them for you.”

“Thank you.” He glances around. “Any last takers? Q&A is almost up.”

“I have one,” Yusuke pipes up.

“Go for it.”

“How are you?” he asks genuinely.

Ryuji can’t help it—a laugh gets pulled out of him. “How am I?” he repeats.

“Yes. How are you?”

“Uh,” he laughs again. “Not good, man. Not good.”

Everyone startles when Ryuji stands abruptly. He slams down the rest of his lemonade, relieved at how it helps his parched throat. “Alrighty, that took a lot out of me! Let’s get out of here, I’m sick of being surrounded by fake coffee and poser cafe fanatics.”

“I’ll take care of the bill,” Haru says, following his lead and scooting out from the booth.

“What? No, come on. I don’t care how rich you are, at least let me pay half.”

“Ryuji.” She looks him dead in the eye. “I’ll take care of the bill.”

“...Yes ma’am.”

Slowly, they all start filing out, some exiting the cafe while Makoto goes to the till with Haru. Ryuji reaches for Ann’s elbow before she can leave. “Hey.”

Turning her head, it’s as if her lips were permanently stitched downwards. “Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry I lied to you,” he says, somber. “That was shitty, and it doesn’t matter what I’m going through—you can’t deal with lies. I get that. I won’t put you through that again.”

Ann kisses her palm before slapping it against his forehead. “You better not,” her voice drips in affection. “You said not to console you—”

“I did, and I meant it.”

“But I’m here for you,” she rubs his skin harder, and he winces at the chafing. “You know that, right? No matter how crazy the shit inside your head gets, I want you to talk to me.”

“I know it,” he says, not just because he wants the friction to ease up. “I know it now, for sure.”

“Good.” Ann releases him, and goes to join Haru and Makoto up front. “You might want to head out. Someone’s starting to make a fuss.”

“What?” he turns around, making direct eye contact with Futaba, nursing a blank expression on her face. “I see.”

The bell chimes once more when he steps out, relieved at the cool summer air that hits him. “Shorty,” he says in lieu of a greeting. “What’s good?”

“Here.” Ryuji glances down at her, who’s holding a familiar, now very-crumpled envelope between her fingers. It’s weird seeing her hold the letter announcing his failure like a bomb, but he understands the sentiment. “I had to show Ann because she wouldn’t believe me until I got some proof.”

“Thank you,” he says, shoving it in his pocket. “I’m not mad at you, you know.”

“I know you’re not.” She swallows and stares down at her shoes. Her laces were covered in little beads and stars, something he had bought for her during a weekend hangout once. “This isn’t me pitying you, or showering you with some kind of boohoo potion.”

She swallows again. “I failed my first year of high school. It was for a completely different reason—guilt for who I thought I killed rather than wanting to be something else. But I know. I know so much about what you’re going through.”

Futaba looks up, and his heart wrenches when he sees the tears in her eyes. “I’m so, so sorry if I made you sad, or that I kept calling you stupid back then,” she sobs. “I don’t mean it, and I’m so mean to you all of the time but I don’t mean any of it. I told everyone your secret because I wanted to—” she hiccups, and she pushes her glasses to the top of her head. “I wanted to give you your own version of what the Phantom Thieves did for me, but I reached out to you guys back then. No one forced me to do anything, but I took that choice away from you.”

He pulls her in his arms, and her tears are hot even through his shirt. “I know, Futaba,” he says, patting her head. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

She hits his chest weakly. “Me taking care of you?” she sniffs. “I’m literally the one crying right now.”

“Just for now though,” he shrugs. “Next time I cry, you’ll be the one handing me tissues, I swear.”

They stand there, the two of them standing in the middle of Sapporo while people give them weird looks—Futaba, unable to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks, and Ryuji, refusing to ever let his emotions make things worse for everyone else again.

—

When they get back to the RV, each of them emotionally exhausted, Ryuji goes to kiss the top of Akira’s head. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Akira looks up from his card game with Morgana and Sophia. “You look like you had a wild night. Ann take you all somewhere fun?”

“Totally,” he says, sliding the letter back in his backpack. “Best night ever.”

“Take me next time. Sophia’s kicking our ass.”

“She is not!” Morgana denies, tail swishing. “Just a little,” he relents.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed,” Ryuji announces, hiking his backpack on his shoulders and heading out, before running into Ann outside.

“Oh my god,” she says, disturbed. “He really, really doesn’t know.”

“Yup,” he moves past her. “And we’re keeping it that way.”

[sailor-freak]

Halestorm: The Strange Case Of... - Album Review

(image source)

As I have uploaded a ranking of this album to my YouTube channel I think it’s finally time for me to review it! This is my first time reviewing an album that’s not new haha also btw for anyone expecting poetic brilliance that’s not here it’s legit just me giving my opinions of the songs 😂. But this is my favourite Halestorm album (so far) and the only one I own (again, so far, I ordered self-titled with a gift card my uncle got me for my birthday haha) so why not review it 😂.

Love Bites (So Do I) - BOP. That’s it 😂. My full post on this song is linked in the song titles (as will all songs on here I’ve already posted about) but for an opener to the record man it’s SOLID. I love how it was inspired by their Slave to the Grind cover, and the tempo is so similar but it’s also really different sounding? Like, they didn’t just copy that song they took the tempo and made something of their own. Love it 😂.

Mz. Hyde - Ahh this song is so dark and creepy and HEAVY I love it 😂. The way it starts off so dark, then the verses are lighter as she sings about the nice side of herself, then the chorus gets dark again, ICONIC. I think I’ve also said this before but the “it’s me Lzzy I swear” is the most iconic line in Halestorm history and you can fight me on that. I also love the way it transitions SO neatly into the next banger...

I Miss The Misery - THIS TRANSITION KILLED ME ON FIRST LISTEN a lot of albums do neat transitions like this but I don’t think I’ve heard one more beautiful than this 😂. I think you should know by now this is not only my favourite Halestorm song but my favourite song just... ever? Like my post gives a proper discussion of the song (although it was one of my earlier posts so maybe I need to amend that lol) but this was the first Halestorm song I listened to, and I was HOOKED immediately. It’s so rock and roll but it has its own elements that just make it stand out, and no Halestorm song since has topped that. AND I’VE LISTENED TO A LOT OF HALESTORM 😂. So yeah, best song on the album, there you go.

Freak Like Me - Ahh my first post on here 😂. So I didn’t talk about the song like at all in this post so I best do that oops 😂. What I love about the song is the anthem quality it has, not just in the lyrics but musically the chorus really makes it stand out just among the freak community, possibly due to the guys’ backing vocals on the “freak like me” line itself, it just makes it a group effort and celebrates the unity of Halestorm and their fans. Another thing I LOVED was Lzzy’s scream before the riff, you know, the one that goes on for longer than the last note of So Much Better? The first time I heard that I was SHOOK, it just demonstrates Lzzy’s vocals so well 😂.

Beautiful With You - Oo, the start of the “ballad section” of the album. I think it’s pretty solid 😂. I’ll admit, when I first listened to this album I came looking for bops, so this section was kinda disappointing on first listen. Not because they were bad at all, I just was looking for songs similar to I Miss The Misery and Love Bites, so they sort of didn’t sit well with my brain? Too many ballads 😂. But having listened to the album and these songs more, and sort of understanding that this section is important to the record, I’ve grown to love them? And this one I did like on first listen, maybe it was the guitar but there was parts of the lyrics that really stood out to me, maybe not on a personal level but they were just nice, so I thought why not and I added it to my playlist 😂. I definitely prefer the heavier songs both on this album and in general usually, but this one has some really strong parts.

In Your Room - I think this was the first song I was really disappointed with on first listen? And it’s still not one of my favourites. The meaning behind this is really great, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong musically. I actually like the subtlety of the first chorus, it blends in nicely with the verses, then when the second one comes round it’s like a pleasant surprise 😂. I think it was the lyrics that bugged me, however, I don’t know if this is just my sadistic mind but I thought an interesting take on it would be a sort of creepy turn? Saying stuff like “I’m right outside your door” and stuff, if you take away the sentiment of the song it has the potential to be like a stalker song 😂. Maybe if it was on their first album it would have taken that direction? I just think that would have been interesting 😂.

Break In - (let’s just ignore the fact I’m buzzing about the studio version with Amy Lee that’s coming out this summer) This one I really have grown to love, again with stepping away from my need for heavy bangers I really appreciate this for what it is. There’s nothing complicated about it, it’s a simple piano ballad with some harmonies thrown in. I don’t think there’s been a song like this since? I mean, Dear Daughter was piano till the band came in, and Heart of Novocaine was acoustic guitar, but this being purely piano really makes it stand out, not just in this record but out of their discography. Idk, it’s simple, it’s heartfelt, I love it 😂.

Rock Show - Oooo... surprisingly this is my least favourite song off the album. I thought I’d love it, the concept and meaning behind it is amazing. I think it’s just something with me personally? Lyrically there’s not a lot to dislike, I love the descriptions of the experience at a rock gig as an audience member, it taps into that deeper feeling than just going to enjoy music, it is an experience on a higher level. However, because of the inspiration behind this song it uses “little girl” to address it... I don’t like that shit 😂. Idk if you know me but I hate being patronised, don’t call me little I’ll step on you 😂. So, I think this is a great song for that girl it was written for, but as an older person listening to this song it just doesn’t get to me.

Daughters of Darkness - Okay, this is where I feel addressed 😂. While Rock Show was dedicated to one young girl who enjoys rock gigs, this one is for ALL the ladies who love them. Similar to Freak Like Me it has an anthem feel to it, with the “na na na na na” bit (felt like I was quoting MCR there lol), but it’s like... specifically for the girls 😂. I think I mentioned this but I love the symphonic / orchestral additions to it? Reminds me of Nightwish (who are actually the only band I’ve seen live so far in my 19 years of existence), so that really adds a whole element of enjoyment for me personally. It’s one of the darker and heavier songs on the record (I mean the title does suggest that), and is one of my absolute favourites, was from the start. When I came to this album looking for bangers THIS ONE REALLY PROVIDED 😂.

You Call Me A Bitch Like It’s A Bad Thing - I relate to this one too much omg 😂. Lyrically, this is absolutely SCANDALOUS, but we love that and that’s the point of the song 😂. Little thing, I love the little chord progression in the intro and instrumentals of the song, just really cool idk what it adds I just love how it sounds 😂. Although I love that I think the lyrics is what makes me love this song, “see you next Tuesday” absolutely iconic 😂. I also love when she says “you call me a freak” and I’m like... WE ARE 😂. Just a little bit I noticed haha, but the concept of let’s sing the most outrageous shit and revel in being called a bitch is absolute class we love 😂.

American Boys - This one is also lower down on my list but it’s not bad at all 😂. It has a real classic rock and roll feel to it, and it is very American sounding which links nicely with the lyrics 😂. I think for most people this song wouldn’t really have a deeper meaning (idk if it does for you then let me know haha), but it’s more of just a casual celebration of the male species in the United States 😂. As I said in that post it does stand out in this album, as it’s not a strong anthem song, a deep personal ballad or embracing being sadistic and scandalous, but that sort of makes it stand out 😂.

Here’s To Us - Oh this song is so wholesome I love it 😂. Aside from this song probably being the only reason I can get through life at the moment (I legit listen to it whenever I get anxiety about anything, my parents, work, general shit I can’t deal with lol), the meaning behind this song is so simple yet so powerful? Just... celebrating Halestorm for who they are, what they’ve achieved, and embracing the bad times and recognising what they are capable of... you really have to know Halestorm to fully appreciate this song. When I first listened to it I had NO IDEA what it was about, I think I legit knew Lzzy’s name and that was it... so hearing this for the first time had no power behind it and I feel so bad, cos your first experience with this song should be the absolute power behind the meaning. Anyway when all the guys sing with Lzzy at the end my weave was snatched and it’s so adorable I love it this song just displays the absolute unit they are, and it really shows how unique of a band they are. Stan 😂.

Don’t Know How To Stop - Bonus tracks time! Honestly... this song is too perfect for the start of the bonus tracks I like... it’s iconic 😂. Since The Pretty Reckless’ Death by Rock and Roll came out today I’ve been listening to a lot of them and I see similarities lyrically between their stuff and this song, like the whole embracing going full force and going too far, like enjoying the rush of it? This song uses a lot of car and road imagery actually (imagery, oo, haven’t used that word since my exams), with “red lights” and “brakes are shot” (I should probably look in my booklet to see if that’s the correct lyric but I can’t be arsed so if it’s wrong soz), as if she’s saying living this extreme crazy rock and roll life is like a car speeding carelessly, and not having the brakes comes into not being able to stop this lifestyle? Idk there’s probably something else there but I’m not getting marked for this am I 😂.

Private Parts (ft. James Michael of Sixx:A.M.) - Okay... can I just start by saying this is a good song. It’s great 😂. Musically there’s nothing wrong with it, the chorus actually bops quite hard considering it’s a deeper song, so there’s nothing wrong there. Lyrically it’s good, I love how the verses are like the argument between these two people, but the first verse is almost like their thoughts aloud? Cos they’re not responding directly to each other, it’s like their own thoughts and feelings coming out, it works really well. But... I cannot listen to this song... I just laugh 😂. I’M SORRY I KNOW IT’S A BOP BUT WHEN SHE KEEPS GOING “SHOW ME YOUR PRIVATE PARTS” I FUCKING PISS MYSELF OKAY IT’S HILARIOUS I’M SORRY I'M SO IMMATURE BUT ALL SENTIMENT IS LOST IN IT 😂.

Hate It When You See Me Cry - Oof I feel this one too much, ngl I’m a little pissed it’s only a bonus track cos it’s the best deep ballad sort of song on the whole album just saying 😂. When they said Lzzy gave into the cheese for this record PRIME EXAMPLE RIGHT HERE PEOPLE fuck I love it 😂. I love how it starts soft, then the band just KICKS IN and while it remains soulful and softer it still SHREDS 😂. But man it was the lyrics that got me, and you know me, I’m not cheesy. I hate cheese both the food and the concept 😂. But for some reason here it doesn’t bother me at all?? Like in fact I LOVE it, the chorus is where it’s most cheesy but I think it fucking works 😂. I’ll inevitably do an individual post on this so I won’t analyse loads but fuck I feel this one 😂.

Overall man this album is a journey 😂. It starts off with the solid bangers, whiplashes into the deep ballads, then brings itself back up before slowing down a little and bringing it to a neat end 😂. I find it weird though that although on first listen I was disappointed with the amount of ballads and how not many songs slapped as hard as Love Bites and I Miss The Misery (fuck those two are the best 😂), but it was still what got me obsessed with Halestorm? Like how could I be “so disappointed” with it yet constantly listen to it and actually fucking BUY the album 😂. I think I was salty cos I came looking for bangers but now I just embrace it all 😂.

[umbralich]

Get to know me

Rules: Always post the rules. Tag 11 new people you’d like to know better.

1. Dogs or Cats?

I like both, I’ve had both and I’m perhaps a bit more cat person nowadays. Still dogs will always have a special place in my heart. Especially German shepherd dogs. They’re actual people in dog form, I swear.

2. YouTube celebrities or normal celebrities?

I’m not into either. Though if I had to pick one, then maybe normal. I may be old-fashioned, but I find it quite odd one can become famous by just filming their everyday life instead of being an actor in a movie, writing a book or composing an album.

3. If you could live anywhere where would that be?

Japan. Sure, every country has their own problems, but in Japan I like how they generally seem to appreciate nature, their community, healthy food and work still has value. Their street fashion also seems to be so multicolored I’d fit in pretty well, unlike in my current country.

4. Disney or DreamWorks?

I’m not a fan of either, but if I had to choose, definitely DreamWorks. One: they make better movies and more original ones, and two: I’ve never understood the Disney hype anyway.

5. Favourite childhood TV show?

Power Rangers. Though watched later also the original, Kyoryu Sentai Zyuranger, and it was a lot better than the US version. Recommending warmly!

6. The movie you’re looking forward to most in 2020?

Usually the more some franchise has sequels the more skeptical I’m becoming of their quality. However, I’m a fan of the first three Saw movies and Valak is definitely squad goals, so I was thinking of going and watching The Organ Donor and Conjuring 3.

7. Favourite book you read in 2019?

I still haven’t finished it thanks to a certain MMO, but I have The complete fiction of H.P. Lovecraft on the go.

8. Marvel or DC?

I don’t like either, I’m not into superheroes. I also have the same problem with Marvel as I have with Disney: the hype. It’s so unfathomable it has distanced me. Though DC has Watchmen and Rorschach was amazing in the movie, so I guess DC?

9. If you choose Marvel favourite member of the X-Men? If you choose DC favourite Justice League member?

Uh... the what? *googles Justice League* ..... I have no clue who these characters are, haha. They’re all so muscular... and pretty... and hero-looking... urgh. I think I’m feeling a bit sick. Where’s the villain I can be salty about when they die? And why isn’t Rorschach on the list? He’s the hero I deserve!

10. Night or Day?

Definitely night. Feeling like a corpse during days, and once it becomes dark it’s like “LET ME SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE.”

11. Favourite Pokemon?

I have to choose just one? Mismagius, Haunter, Kadabra, Mewtwo, Espeon, Umbreon, Houndoom, Suicune, Mightyena, Absol, Darkrai, Cofagrigus, Zoroark, Chandelure, Hydreigon, Reshiram, Mimikyu, Corviknight, Zacian

12. Top 5 bands:

Beast in Black, Kamijo, Heilung, Nox Arcana, Nightwish.

13. Top 10 books.

The Witcher series, Assassin’s apprentice + sequels, all Dragonlance books with Raistlin and Dhamon saga (except the 4th one; it sucked so bad I’m pretending I didn’t see anything and it doesn’t exist), The Shining, Pet Sematary, The complete fiction of H.P. Lovecraft. I’m quite picky with my books, but I guess that still makes even more than 10 books.

14. Top 4 movies

Pet Sematary (1989), Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead, Scary Movie 3. No matter how many times I watch these they just keep getting better.

15. America or Europe?

I’m evenhandedly disliking both for having an uncontrollable infestation of nazis, flat earthers, climate change skeptics, LGBT-phobes and religious fanatics either killing people or slowing down or banning basically anything that would be an improvement to someone else’s life except themselves. If we had inhabited other planets I would’ve been out of this disgrace of the universe eons ago. (:

16. Tumblr or Twitter?

Both are good, though personally I like tumblr more, since you can fit more stuff in posts. Though the new censorship and porn bot problem are beyond ridiculous.

17. Pro-choice or Pro-life?

Pro-choice. Duh.

18. Favourite YouTuber?

Cryo Chamber, Rapid Liquid and Li Ziqi. Especially Rapid Liquid’s quality content sums up perfectly what’s going on inside of my head when it’s not full of night terror creatures.

19. Favourite author ?

Either Andrzej Sapkowski (the Witcher), Robin Hobb (Assassin’s apprentice) or Stephen King. Can’t decide.

20. Tea or Coffee?

This... must be the most difficult question I’ve ever heard. What a horrendous sacrilege to even ask such. I couldn’t live without either.

21. OTP ?

I’ve never understood and most probably never will understand the fascination of pairings. Seems to me like everyone else are hyper excited of watching the grass grow and I’m just like ?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ??? ?

22. Do you play an instrument/sing ?

I used to play piano when I was a kid, but then I got Playstation and I quit. Nowadays I have an ocarina, and can play A Place to Call Home and Black Mage Village from FFIX and Lilium from Elfen Lied. Would love to learn to play cello once I find some energy, time and money to get started.

---

Tagged by @sakuyamori and @lareine-kira

Tagging: @hangedemperor , @kyrie-silverwings , @paleshadeofrose , @roxinova​ , @haila-wetyios​ , @a-sharlayan-abroad​ , @trahja-tia​ , @muted-howl​ , @eorzeasfrozenknight​ , @under-the-blood-moonlight​ & @kiara-nocturne​

[harrysdimples]

lover first listen

ok just pre-warning u now I didn’t listen to the tracks that have already been released already as singles so some of my thoughts might be bc there wasn’t something else to break up that sound for me. anyway, without further ado: 

1. I forgot that you existed - hmmm not sure how i feel about this intro lol. quite long for such a short song. ok whomever said this was state of grace but pop LIED TO ME and I feel hurt by such a comparison. ‘it isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference’ LEGEND. whomst is this about ???? calvin ????? SCREAMING. the verse lyrics are cute but was expecting a bit more production on the chorus? lots of speaking parts which I like. the laughs n stuff are cute and add to the song but still a bit meh for me. not sure if it’s just this low quality of this leak but will probs take a while to come back to this. not my fave but not the worst either. the ‘so yeah’ at the end was iconic.

2. cruel summer - ok, this is supposed to a BOP with a capital B so I have high hopes for this!!! and written by st vincent too!! oh this is cuuuuute! the chorus bumps!!!! wish it was a bit slower/longer though. this is groovy. can imagine vibing whilst driving to this song. THE BRIDGE???? GO OFF HUN??? oooookay this a banger after the chorus. can’t wait for a full high quality version of this. chewn. (also cough i know this is about hiddlestone......and yet.........******) a banger but wish it was just a tad longer, like an extra verse or chorus would’ve made it god tier but still!!! very much like her a lot

3. the man - the production lowkey sounds quite similar to i forgot you existed. the first verse is very much *insert eye emoji here* because she is correct!! hm. not a fan of the prechorus. the chorus is cool though, with that bit towards the end of it too. I’D BE JUST LIKE LEO IN SAINT TROPEZ I SCREAMED. is she swearing ??? I can’t tell if she’s saying picture or not with the quality of this leak ahdsjdsj. this is a chill bop. vibey. 

4. i think he knows - oooookay hun. uuhhhhhh not sure about this one lol. the production is a lil clunky and not the biggest fan of the chorus. the lyrics are.....a choice. bridge is v cute though and the bit afterwards is cool too. not my fave I have to say.

5. miss americana - ooooh this intro ? ooooooh I like this a lot. okay lol i like the verses but the chorus will probably take some time to grow on me. I feel like the verses remind me of something but I can’t put my finger on what. the ‘bad bad girl’ line is a bit cringe but the miss americana and the heartbreak prince bit is cool. really not sure how I feel about this on first listen. the violins!!!!!! love em!!! why isn’t the whole song like that!!!

6. paper hearts - why does the intro sound like something that would be used in gavin & stacey. this sounds like early 2000s british pop punk bands. she’s not holding back on mentioning blue in this album is she?? lol. the chorus lowkey gives me stay x3/youtuber montage vibes lol. the lyrics are cute though. sad I can’t relate afhdsgdsj. love.....wonder what’s that like. it’s cute but not really my vibe.

7. cornelia street - not sure how to describe my feelings towards this lol. half of me likes it and the other half doesn’t afjsks. idk if it’s just me listening to all the songs back to back but this sounds quite similar to other songs on the album already. the bridge (as always) is nice but it leaves something to be desired imo lyrically. the chorus is....idk how I feel about it. this song is a question mark for me rn. i’ll have to listen a couple more times I think.

8. death by a thousand cuts - one of my most anticipated tracks. ok christmas carol intro?? hm. not what I thought the subject was going to be for this song. who is this about??? the bridge is chef’s kiss. it’s cute. will take a couple more listens I think.

9. london boy - idris elba ??? dont remind me of cats taylor. dimples and the accent???? *COUGH* refer to my url please *COUGH* this very much An American(tm) talking about london afhdssdj. this is so very..........how do you do fellow kids.gif but with people from the uk lmfao. this is so funny lmfao. the chorus is cute. this is like if taylor took the top 100 british slang words and challenged herself to write a song mentioning all of them. I mean.....yeah. it’s cute. if a bit cringe as a brit but still. cute.

10. soon you’ll get better - god. here we go. oh fuck. oh shit. im crying. well. that was beautiful. im going to put that in a box to never touch again because if I do I’ll have a breakdown.

11. false god - SAX???? loves IT VERY MUCHLY. like this. I knew I’d like this from the title alone. really like this a lot. up there with cruel summer as my faves from this album so far. really wish she’d experiment with this type of sound a bit more. chef’s kiss of a song.

12. afterglow - ok. taylor. hun. I love you but how many times do u want to mention/reference the word blue in this album lol. I was more hyped for this song considering what the secret sessioners said about it. idk, I felt like this song dragged on a bit, but I think i’ll like it more once I listen outside of the album context and just by itself.

13. it’s nice to have a friend - this is supposed to be the worst song the album judging by secret sessioners? deadass thought she said ‘gay’ at first instead of ‘gave’ adhfghd. this isn’t really going anywhere? it’s a meh. probably could’ve been cut. 

14. daylight - okayyyyy last song on the album. really like this a lot. very noice indeed. :’)))))) let it go indeed. the voice message at the end was very lovely. 

overall - a very mixed album with a couple of songs that I think need to grow on me a bit more before I absolutely love them. favourites on first listen have to be cruel summer, false god, daylight, the archer and lover (already released). listening in full I can’t help but feel the 18 tracks probably could’ve done with a few more tweaks and editing imo, but I’m excited to listen in higher quality. my taylor opinions are always subject to change though, I didn’t like lover (the song) all that much when I first heard it but now I really love it! so we shall see. probably ranks my 3rd-4th fave album from her? 1989, RED, speak now, rep = lover, fearless, self titled is my ranking thus far. 

[izzyizumi]

Digimon Adventure/02/Tri ~ x Kagerou Project / Mekakucity Actors “ KOUSHIRO’S ? CYBER JOURNEY ” AMV [ music ( C ) Jin, Vocaloid/singer: Miku Hatsune ] featuring DUO/SHIP: Taichi Yagami [“Tai Kamiya”] x Koushiro(u) Izumi [“Izzy Izumi”] [Taishiro(u)] with cameos from: - Daigo Nishijima x Maki Himekawa ( tri ) + - a certain “ Homeostasis - san ”: “ I AM THE ONE ” “ WHO DESIRES ” “ STABILITY ” ... - Homeostasis, Adventure Episode #45 & Tri

PAST AMVS / VIDEO EDITS IN THIS SERIES: Kagerou Daze (Heat-Haze Daze) / Children Record / RED / Additional Memory and Imaginary Reload music edits for KageDaze / Days (short edit) / Lost Time Memory / Yesterday Evening / Summertime Record/ Shounen Brave / Outer Science / Headphone Actor (short edit) / DAZE (short version / TV Size OP) ( * It’s ok to start on/only watch this current AMV “ CYBER JOURNEY ” ! ) [ *You may understand the story/implied timeline of things better if you begin from my “Kagerou Daze” AMV, though it’s also not required! “Children Record” is also recommended as a starting point/upbeat song! ] { NOTE : Please read my FAQ and “about” sections before interacting directly with me, my contents / fanworks / this series, or my blog !! ! } - part of my Taishiro [Taichi x Koushiro] REPEAT?_ ficverse (please note any and all notes/trigger warnings for said ficverse!!) [seriously, please note the warnings, the plot is kinda heavy] (please note any and all warnings for Kage-pro’s plot too if you look into that!!) - no, it’s NOT a direct parody (but v[ERY] inspired) (if you can’t tell) - watching it in HIGH(ER) QUALITY at the original Youtube link is encouraged! - to do so, go to the original youtube link, click “HD” button, then “ 1080p ” !

- slight Tri spoilers through to “Our Future” (Movie #6) are in here - HOWEVER they are mostly super-short “aesthetic”-like scenes - ( MAKI’S + DAIGO’S BACKSTORY ASIDE ) - or action-y scenes in general / basically gen(eral) scenes with “movement” - EXCEPT FOR ONE MAJOR SPOILER ( THE “ MAKI HIMEKAWA ” ONE… ) - basically if you know what happens to Maki … you already know it - A VERY short (3-seconds-longish) lightly spoiler-y scene from KIZUNA upcoming film preview trailers (one of the most recent/final TV spot trailers) is included as well, after the mid-point of the song.

- short version of implied story/plot of this series: T I M E L O O P S - Tri is here because … ah … … - let’s just say it’s probably AT LEAST ONE part of the “start” of it all ah - KOUSHIRO IZUMI VOICE : ( ‘ W H Y ’ ) - DO THEY MAKE IT TO THE END - @ TAICHI & KOUSHIRO, ARE YOU SURE YOU /WANT/ TO ——- - TBH HOW MUCH do KOUSHIRO or TAICHI even REALLY REMEMBER - MUCH LESS THE REST OF THEM - who even knows after a certain point anymore - timeloops are fun !! ! ! ( this particular song explains SOME of it ... )

Lyrics are included in the video!!

TRIGGER WARNINGS: This song contains implied: - self sacrifice ( at numerous portions ), however, they are psuedo-deaths - psuedo-deaths in general ( it’s … a TIMELOOPS series … … ) - kinda really creepy lyrics - the speaker is extremely nonchalant - THEY HAVE THEIR REASONS THOUGH OK. THEY REALLY DO - talk about “ killing ” ( TIMELOOPS … SERIES … ) - I SWEAR IT ISN’T TOTALLY BAD —

- OK ACTUALLY THIS SONG IS VERY VERY COOL SOUNDING - CREEPY-COOL FAST-PACED TECHNO POP MUSIC - this song in the ficverse/AMV-verse follows … “   KOUSHIRO ?  ” - it might be THE KOUSHIRO that’s LOST his “ Inquisitive HEART ” [“Curiosity” in US dub] you knowwww - “ Taichi Yagami ”, of course, cameos as well … … … - hey WHOA is that “ HIKARI YAGAMI ” T O O - however the 2nd half shows a sudden switch to MAKI HIMEKAWA - and then the video will alternate between most of these characters - FOR VERY NOTABLE REASONS. CAN YOU pick up on them all ?! - fun fact!: some of the lyrics in the chorus refer to various internet browsers!

- I repeated scenes from Kagedaze AMV towards the end ( from “RED” edit ) - these were meant to only be stand-ins however - THEN WINDOWS MOVIE MAKER BEGAN THE CRASHINGS - so have this partially-finished AMV for now - THE FINISHED VERSION’S 3RD CHORUS MAY BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT - you can probably imagine anyhow

- A very short clip from tri Kyousei (film #5) is included at the literal very end post-music stopping; mainly just to show some more relevance for those who know the scene

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E13 Poll Results (Anime Only Viewer Version)

The poll closed with 130 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note this is the anime only viewer version of the poll. Manga readers, please click here for the results of the manga reader poll!

RATE THE EPISODE 120 Responses

With only one person voting negatively about the episode, it’s safe to say that the hype is back up for the next arc of the series!

H Y P E

shinzou wo sasageyo!

RATE THE OP 118 Responses

Overall the new opening is well liked among viewers, although perhaps not everyone’s overall favorite. 

I know the OP teased the basement but I swear to Sina if Season 3 ends with them walking down to the basement or not revealing what was in there I’ll lose it. Like it could be fucking nothing in there and I’ll be (somewhat) okay, JUST GET TO THE DAMN BASEMENT!

RATE THE ED 117 Responses

Similarly to the new opening, the new ending is well liked enough, but doesn’t stand out as an overall favorite as a whole. 

WE GOT A FEW NEW SAWANO TRACKS. HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THEM? 119 Responses

Overall viewers are hyped up for new tracks by the series’ composer Hiroyuki Sawano! A few feel they need to hear more of the new music to decide how they feel. 

godworks

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 118 Responses

The largest group of voters (at 33%) favored the scene which kick started the action-filled cliffhanger when Levi attacked an emerging Reiner on the wall. Followed behind that at nearly 20% was the Beast Titan appearing with a titan army around him. 10% of respondents loved so much of the episode it was hard for them to settle on just one scene to favor. 

ON A SCALE OF ARMIN TO ERWIN, HOW GOOD ARE YOU AT GIVING ORDERS? 118 Responses

The largest group of respondents fell somewhere in the middle between being timid about giving orders to feeling confident in what needs to be done. Although overall respondents lean more toward relating to Armin on this front.

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT TO GO HORSEBACK SURFING? 117 Responses

Honestly, we didn’t expect a serious response to this question. But 32% of voters would be willing to give horse surfing a try, while 29% are in the “hard no” category on that one. 

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE ANIMATION QUALITY IN PART TWO SO FAR? 119 Responses

Nearly 70% of voters are feeling good about the animation quality of the first episode (and we hope that WIT keeps it up). 27% fall somewhere in the middle - not great, but not awful. A small amount of respondents don’t think the animation is all that impressive. 

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE CG COLOSSAL TITAN IN THE OPENING? 119 Responses

The majority of respondents don’t care whether the Colossal Titan is in CGI or not. 19% are certain it’s the worst thing WIT could ever do with it, while 16% actually find the CGI effect pretty rad.

WHAT DO YOU THINK DIFFERENTIATES THE TITANS THAT CAN MOVE AROUND AT NIGHT? 115 Responses

61% of respondents, plus one write in, believe that these new types of titans are connected to the Beast Titan in some way or another. 20% feel that they are simply just a new type of titan that the Survey Corps had not discovered previously, and 14% believe that all titans have the ability to move around at night under the right conditions. 

Beast titan can summon these special titans

DO YOU THINK THERE ARE MORE ENEMIES OTHER THAN REINER, BERTOLT, AND THE BEAST TITAN? 117 Responses

The overwhelming majority are certain that there are more enemies involved in this battle than just the three we have seen so far. 6% are unsure about it, and even less are certain that we’ve seen every enemy that will be present. 

WHERE DO YOU THINK BERTOLT IS HIDING? 116 Responses

42% of voters believe that Bertolt is likely hiding in an object somewhere. 20% don’t want to say for certain where he may be. 19% feel confident that Bertolt is in another area of the walls like Reiner was. 

I think Bert is inside the backpack,ready to be thrown and to completly annhilate the scouts

HOW DID REINER SURVIVE LEVI’S ATTACK? 117 Responses

The majority of respondents are confident that Reiner used another titan ability, as Levi suggested, to avoid certain death. 20% believe he just got lucky and wasn’t hit in just the right places. 16% don’t want to say either way. 

WHERE DID ALL THE TITANS COME FROM? 113 Responses

37% of respondents believe that the titans fighting with the Beast Titan are additional forces from beyond the wall. 23% are unsure, while 15% feel that they are more victims from inside of the walled territory. 

SOME PEOPLE NOTICED A TITAN WITH A BACKPACK BEHIND THE BEAST TITAN. THOUGHTS? 115 Responses

At 42%, just under half of responses feel that this strange titan is another intelligent titan like the Beast Titan. 23% are just horrified and believe it’s nightmare fuel. 18% of respondents didn’t even catch this detail at all! 

Backpack Titan was called best girl several times by manga readers, so it's obvious who it is or what's inside it. The only logical character that is called best girl and is not here shinganshina.

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL HAVE THE UPPER HAND IN THIS BATTLE? 114 Responses

43% of voters feel that the Warriors and their titan army are going to have the upper hand in this fight, while 31% believe it will at least be an even match. With the least amount of votes, only 12% feel that the Survey Corps will have more of an advantage this time around. 

I think the Scouts are gonna suffer a fuckton on losses again.  The post credits scene in S3Ep12 is a disagreement over who will use that Titan Turning Serum.  Just a guess

WHO OF THE FOLLOWING, IF ANY, DO YOU THINK HAS A CHANCE OF DYING IN THIS BATTLE? 106 Responses

Erwin being down an arm has the majority of the fandom on edge about his potential fate in this battle. Falling closely behind is Marlowe, likely due to his minor character status. Bertolt is another popular option, with Reiner, Connie and Sasha falling closely behind him. A small 7.5% of optimistic voters are confident that this battle will not have any casualties at all.  

ARE YOU SURPRISED AT HOW QUICKLY THE WALL WAS SEALED BY EREN? 115 Responses

Just as Eren was, the majority of viewers were legitimately thrown off guard at how quickly and easily Eren was able to seal the hole in the wall. Perhaps we should listen to Mikasa and believe in Eren’s strength! 

HOW DID THE CLIFFHANGER MAKE YOU FEEL? 116 Responses

Unsurprisingly, the cliffhanger left viewers feeling hyped and excited for the arc to unfold! 11% were simply just pained that the episode was over and waiting for more. A small amount didn’t care much either way and one person could only scream at us:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE OR THEORIES ABOUT WHERE WE GO FROM HERE?

We know Eren ends up on a beach somehow, so whatever's inside the basement must be reeeally important to make our crew want to venture beyond the Walls afterwards. That or Eren gets kidnapped yet again, business as usual.

Thoughts// Levi is about to go fkn off

We go to the damn basement, then the ocean.

better and longer battle than battle of winterfell

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 109 Responses

We asked manga readers if they had any parting words or advice for the anime only viewers. Here’s what some of them had to say:

You're in the Endgame now.

Good luck make sure you have tissues

Avoid spoilers and don’t over think what others say, enjoy!

They're in for a wild ride, and I really hope they all come to appreciate this story as much as we do ♥

Baseball is an okay sport, I guess.

SUSUMEEEE!!!

Good Luck.

Do you have a glue? My heart condition is about to worsen

stay safe be strong drink water and sasageyo

Do your best to not get spoiled for this season and the future events. What should you do? Avoid using websites that has AOT (especially YouTube, don't check there)? Get yourself an another account for non-AOT related stuff? Whatever you do, don't get spoiled

just ignore it every time a manga reader says "you're not ready for this" because you are ready for this

How have you held back for so long?

Good fucking luck

Like Dead Pool says: everything will go sideways in the most collosal way. Enjoy while this ephimeral "easiness" lasts, because you will suffer. A. LOT.

You may be super stoked for the next episode, and want it all as quickly as possible. but remember, once the 10 episodes are over, they're over, you'll never be able to experience them for the first time again. Enjoy the time you have with the show, rather than getting frustrated over the weekly wait.

Good luck, have fun. It's gonna be a rollercoaster.

This isn't even as wild as it gets. The real Attack on Titan is about to start.

Who do you think the real enemy is?

Good luck. Be glad you will only need to wait a week for a conclusion to each new cliffhanger unlike the many months us ol' manga readers hadda endure.

Have a comfort item nearby

Good luck lmao

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again in a few days!

[sandalwoodhusbands]

for him.

Lucas posts music covers on youtube and there’s a guy who keeps sending him the most original photos he’s ever seen.

(also on ao3) // previous

                                                          I

A year and a half later

Way Down We Go // Kaleo (Cover) – by turnupthelucas

lucasxlallemant21:

Oh my god so fucking goooood! Your voice keeps getting better and better <3

  + turnupthelucas: thank you!

elio0oliverr:

that wink at the end??? ended the world’s problems

lallemantstan:

my wig is on the floor, my skin is clean and my ears cry with glee

harrysdimple:

Mr. Lucas Lallemant really out there changing the music industry uh

ghostlypitch:

When are we going to get original content?

  + turnupthelucas: soon ;)

     + lustiel: OHMYF GOD CHRISTIE ALSFNEGEJK

     + malectrash: JE SUIS DEAD

     (View other 5097 responses)      

slipperysnow:

we need more videos with lucas playing the guitar. so hot

Lucas locks his phone, smiling to himself.

It all started as a joke, as most things do. In the beginning, it had just been him and Yann, a viral shitty 15second recording and a guitar.

Yann had been messing around with some strumming patterns on Lucas’ bed, playing some famous tunes at random.

Lucas had been unaware of the phone against the headboard filming him spin around the room with his desk chair, so when he heard the first notes of the acoustic version of Break up with your girlfriend, I’m bored, he didn’t hesitate to belt out the lyrics like there was no tomorrow.

Yann had posted it on his Instagram story without Lucas knowing.

When Lucas logged on his own Instagram account a couple hours later, he felt very confused at the rising number of followers and odd requests to ‘post more videos’ he got, to say the least.

He hadn’t really thought about his voice before that day, but he had to admit the clip sounded pretty fucking good. So he said to himself, why not? - worst case scenario, the video is a complete flop and his friends mock him for a week.

Needless to say, it was the furthest thing from a flop. In the span of a month his first ‘official’ video hit 700k views on YouTube, and so many people begged for more covers in the comment section that he filmed another one. And then another one. And then, well - then he never really stopped.

Which brings him to this day. With over 300k followers on Instagram and more than a couple of millions views on YouTube, he is one of the most popular artists in France at the moment.

He has viewers all over the globe, people send him letters (and the occasional gift) almost daily, and he's sometimes recognized when he goes out for drinks with the gang.

He’s living his best life, basically.

“Lucas” Yann groans from the sit next to him. “Can you please concentrate on the screen?”

Lucas lifts his head up and looks at the tv screen just in time to witness a geared up man appear out of nowhere, shooting his character in the head.

“Oops.”

The game’s menu glares at him in colors of red and black as Yann chucks the controller at his stomach half heartedly.

Lucas grins at him sheepishly, scratching his head.

“C’mon, restart the game. No distractions this time, I promise.”

His best friend raises an eyebrow.

“If I catch you looking at your phone even once,” Lucas raises his hands in mock surrender. “I swear I will choke you with my own hands. And not in the kinky way.”

Lucas snorts, putting his phone down on the table. He readjusts himself on the sofa, back pressed against the cushions, and sits with his feet tucked under his legs.

“Okay, I’m ready.” He clasps his hands together. “Press play.”

The sound of Yann pressing the controller’s button and Lucas’ phone going off intertwine in time.

“Really?” Yann complains as he pauses the game.

Lucas shrugs apologetically, bending forwards to check his phone.

He turned every channel - related notifications off after almost going crazy one afternoon with the constant pinging, so now his phone only notifies him when a friends texts him.

If they got interrupted by Basile pestering him again about getting them into that party next Friday, Lucas is going to kill him.

He runs the pad of his index finger over the back of his phone, unlocking it. His eyebrows shoot up in confusion when an Instagram notification pops up.

Who communicates through direct messages with their friends when you can use whatsapp?

He slides down the notifications bar, frowning when he reads the username.

“Uh”

“Is it Baz?” Yann questions from the kitchen, sticking his head in the door. “If he’s asking about the party again, tell him to go buy the tickets himself.”

“Eh, not exactly?” Lucas trails off, his confused tone making it sound like a question.

Yann walks back into the room with a sandwich in his hand and a bottle of water. Despite his confusion, Lucas gives him an unimpressed look.

Yann shrugs.

“Who is it, then?”

Lucas proceeds to show him the screen in silence.

@srodulv shared a picture with you

“Okay.” Yann looks at Lucas with an equally puzzled expression. “Who the hell is this ‘sroduluv’ person, or whatever?”

“I… don't know.”

“But you're following them.” Yann states.

“Yes.”

“And they sent you a picture.”

“Apparently?” Lucas asks in a high pitched voice, throwing his hands up in the air. “Shit, I don't know!”

That's all it takes for Yann to burst out laughing, falling on the couch and rolling over himself as he tries to control his chuckles.

“What's so funny?” Lucas whines.

“Bet you 10 bucks it’s another dick pic.” Yann laughs, looking at Lucas pointedly.

Lucas blushes profusely at the reminder, tucking his chin on his neck. It’s been known to happen, alright. He can't help that he looks like a twink most of the time - Yann says it's the hair. Arthur argues that it's his mouth.

Anyway.

“That happened once.”   Lucas retorts. “Maybe twice.”

Yann looks at him with a face that has whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy written all over it. So maybe it's happened more times than he’d care to admit.

“So? Open it!” Yann urges Lucas, nudging him when the latter just stays still.

Lucas braces himself and taps on the notification.

He opens the picture.

“Wait,” He blurts out. “What?”

“Is it a dick pic?” Yann asks curiously. When Lucas only blinks, he gasps. “Is it worse?”

Lucas blinks again, half expecting to see the picture before his eyes turn into an actual dick pic. When he opens his eyes again, the picture is still there, looking exactly like it did seconds ago.

He passes the phone wordlessly to Yann.

“What the- is that a fucking dog lying on an inflatable popsicle pool toy?” Yann laughs incredulously. “Holy shit. That’s what I call a plot twist.”

“Who the hell is this person and why are they sending me dog pics? What is going on?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” Yann says distractedly, still looking at the screen in wonder. “but you have to marry them.”

“What the fuck, Yann?”

“They sent you a picture of a bulldog laying around a pool, Lucas. That's the epitome of true romance.”

“We don't know who it is. We don't even know if it’s a dude.” Lucas hisses. “For all we know, they could be a serial killer trying to lure handsome young men with pictures of insanely cute puppies.”

“It is a cute puppy.” Yann concedes. “But you can, and call me crazy here, maybe look at their profile? Just a suggestion, though.”

Lucas withdraws his phone from between Yann’s hands immediately, tapping on this mysterious person’s profile with no hesitation.

And, holy shit. He definitely remembers now, alright.

It’s the guy . The one with the soft hair and sparkling eyes.

His eyes land on a recent picture - it’s in black and white. He’s supporting his head with his hand as he looks at the lenses with captivating eyes. He has a bit of stubble, and the black sweater he’s wearing makes him look so cozy, and Lucas wants to die.

“I definitely need to marry him.” Lucas murmurs dazzled, his heart going fast against his ribcage, as he scrolls through the guy’s posts. His lips actually tingle with how bad he wants to brush his mouth against those cheekbones.

Lucas hadn't even noticed he had followed him back.

His eyes find his bio again, and he's surprised it's still the same one from a year ago. Model. Then, another detail catches his eye, and his breath hitches. Eliott.

Eliott.

That’s his name. It fits him perfectly, Lucas thinks.

“I’m guessing he’s hot, then?” Yann snorts from the other side of the couch. Lucas had kind of forgotten he was still there, to be honest.

He looks up from his phone.

“He’s gorgeous.”

Yann smirks with knowing eyes.

“Are you going to answer him?” He asks innocently. As if he doesn't know already, the bastard.

Lucas doesn't dignify him with an answer. Instead, he looks back at his phone, fingers looming over the keyboard as he thinks of a good answer.

In the end, he settles with a simple text.

@lucallemant

hi? haha

He waits for a beat, then two, and tries not to feel disappointed when he doesn't get a text back.

He’s probably busy, he tells himself, or maybe he's sleeping? Lucas doesn't even know where he's from. He might be living in fucking California, for all he knows - although he really hopes that's not the case.

Noting his distress, Yann takes the phone from his grip and turns the volume off, tossing it to the other couch. He puts the controller in Lucas’ hands and squeezes his shoulder.

“C’mon. It's best friend quality time.” Yann gives him a gentle smile. “I demand attention now.”

Lucas bursts into a laugh - just like that, he forgets all about his phone and possible unanswered texts.

***

The hours fly by, and before he knows it, Lucas is saying goodbye to a freshly - beaten, grumpy Yann.

“I totally kicked your ass.” Lucas brags as they walk to the door.

“I totally let you win.” Yann fires back.

“You wish.” Lucas laughs before pulling Yann into a half-hug, patting him on the back. “See you tomorrow, dude.”

“Tomorrow.” Yann salutes and flashes him a smile, closing the door.

Lucas shakes his head, still smiling, and makes his way to the couch. His bed for the last few months, actually. It's a long story.

He sprawls himself on the sofa with his hands under his head, sighing. He should go shower.

He smells himself discreetly, pleased when he doesn't get the need to fill his nostrils with soap. He’ll shower tomorrow, then.

He’s starting to relax when his eyes land on his phone, still discarded on the other couch, and he swears. He'd completely forgotten about it.

With his heart in his throat, he pushes himself forward as he reaches for the phone.

It’s just a guy. I didn't even really know of his existence before today. He tells himself like a mantra. So what if he doesn't answer back? There's plenty more guys out there. Although maybe not as beautiful, or mesmerizing, or - okay, not helping.

He breaths through his nose before unlocking his phone.

A little sound leaves his mouth.

@srodulv

Hello :)

Okay. So they're really doing this, then. Cool. Totally cool. He's so not freaking out right now.

He types out an answer.

@lucallemantj

what's up with the dog pic?

He locks the phone again, holding it against his chest as he wills his heart to calm down. This time, he doesn't have to wait a second before his phone pings again.

@srodulv

With all the messages you must get, I though I should try to make an impression haha

Did it work?

So the guy isn't afraid to double text, then? Interesting.

@lucallemant

it definitely left an impression alright

@srodulv

A good one, I hope?

Lucas grins. He turns off the lights and gets himself comfortable on the couch, getting rid of the t-shirt he’s wearing.

It’s July, and he’s in the heart of Paris. Also, despite the good views this apartment might have, the air system would do with some fixing.

@lucallemant

sure :)

@srodulv

I’m Eliott

@lucallemant

i know

@srodulv

?

@lucallemant

it says on your profile

@srodulv

That makes sense haha

Lucas flushes. He can't believe he went with the ‘I know’ trope. He groans internally.

Did he fuck up?

@lucallemant

i’m lucas

When Eliott doesn't answer back, Lucas feels his heart fall to the floor. He definitely fucked up.

Fuck. This is why he never gets a date. He's so fucking awkward, God-

@srodulv

I know ;)

Lucas sighs with relief. He didn't fuck up yet, then.

He even sent him a winky face. That's good, right?

@lucallemant

i liked it, btw. the picture

@srodulv

I knew you would

Lucas bites his bottom lip, grinning from ear to ear.

@lucallemant

you did? what else do you know, then?

@srodulv

Hmmm…

Lucas grins even harder. This sounds so much like flirting. Are they flirting? Lucas is trying to, at least.

@srodulv

I know that you are very nice. You like singing, too. And you like guys who send you ridiculous pictures with dogs and pool toys, now.

@lucallemant

a bit pretentious with the last one

@srodulv

Am I wrong?

Lucas blushes. Not at all. He's not going to tell him that yet, though.

@lucallemant

wait you've seen my videos?

@srodulv

A couple of them

If Eliott notices the change of subject, he doesn't comment on it. Lucas is thankful.

@lucallemant

and what did you think?

@srodulv

Oh they're awful

Just kidding. I think you have an amazing voice, actually

@lucallemant

omg thank u

Should he do it?

Fuck it, he's going to do it.

@lucallemant

i’m kinda blushing over here haha

Double texting his crush. Yann would be proud.

@srodulv

Aww shame I can't see it. Where’s over here?

@lucallemant

Paris (:

@srodulv

Cool! I live there, too

Lucas tries not to freak out at the newfound information. He’s not doing a very good job, but he's certainly trying.

His fingers hoover over the keyboard, deciding whether he should type the text or not.

What he wants to say is, maybe we could go out for a drink, then?

What he types in instead, is

@lucallemant

weird we haven't bumped into each other yet lol

@srodulv

Well I’m not in Paris right now, actually

@lucallemant

where are you then??

@srodulv

London, for a job :) I’m staying here for a couple more weeks

What are you studying?

@lucallemant

that must be so cool!! i’ve never been to london, but i want to go so badly

and i’m studying biophysics. sounds boring, i know. and it takes so much time off my daily life i barely have time to post covers. thank god it's summer now

@srodulv

I would love to take you there sometime, then. If you want to

I want to. He wants to scream at his phone. I really fucking want to.

He resists the need to chuck his phone out the window in pure ecstatic.

@srodulv

And that sounds so interesting! Maybe one day you can give me one or two classes on the topic? Damn, you really have everything

@lucallemant

everything? i don't think so lol

@srodulv

You are super cute and nice. You have a killer voice. And now you are really fucking clever, too? That, sir, is having everything as far as I'm concerned

@lucallemant

i’m certainly not cute enough to be a model. Unlike *others*

and who are u calling sir omg I’m 19, not 90

@srodulv

You're a baby :o you would make the cutest baby model

@lucallemant

how old are u??

@srodulv

21

@lucallemant

what the fuck are you calling me baby for omg you’re literally two years older

@srodulv

Nope, sorry. You’re a baby

A BABY, Lucas

Lucas feels like his heart is going to burst. He doesn’t think he’s smiled for so long in years – maybe ever.

Eliott is doing things to his head. It’s not just that he is, admittedly, really attractive – Lucas won’t lie, it doesn’t hurt -, he’s also charming as hell. He’s making Lucas feel so special right now, and Lucas loves it.

He glances at the clock on his phone from the corner of his eye, mouth hanging open when his brain registers the time.

It's 3 a.m.

Have they really been talking for the past 2 hours?

@lucallemant

it’s 3 a.m. already, what?? how did this happen?

i should go to bed :/

@srodulv

You’re leaving me already? :(

@lucallemant

nooo i will be back, promise

i just have to get up really early tomorrow morning

@srodulv

Promise?

Lucas smiles. He’s so cute.

@lucallemant

i promise

@srodulv

Okay, then :)

Sleep well, Lucas ♡

@lucallemant

goodnight eliott

He debates with himself for a momet before making up his mind. Eliott did it first anyway, technically.

@lucallemant

♡

He locks his phone and leaves it on the table. Rolling himself over, he exhales, hiding his grin against the makeshift pillow.

Sleep comes to him fast, glimpses of smokey grey eyes and bright smiles painting his dreams with vivid colors.

When he wakes up, the sun coming through the big windows shines on his skin comfortably. He feels warm all over with the memories of last night, his dreams still present in his mind.

And when he sees Eliott’s new post, the caption //way down we go// glaring at him through the screen, he convinces himself it’s just a coincidence - despite having posted a cover of the same song less than 24 hours ago, and Eliott admitted he’d seen some of his videos. It’s a coincidence .

Nonetheless, when his friends ask if he forgot grumpy Lucas at home for the 4th time that morning, he just flips them off with a soaring heart.

He's still smiling.

[luffyasksandanswers]

// “hi, I’m not from the US” ask set ALL OF THEM YOU COWARD. ALL OF THEM. YOU REBLOGGED THAT MEME NOW COMMIT. GIVE ME MY STALKER KNOWLEDGE. GIMME. OR MEET ME IN THE PIT.

“hi, i’m not from the us” meme - @fearllacy //Bruh, you curious George xD! But dare is a dare and me not want to the coconut pit D: so here we go!

1. favourite place in your country?

Summer cottage, a place to escape the hectic city life *thumbs up*

2. do you prefer spending your holidays in your country or travel abroad?

Toss me with a shoe because of my unecological thinking but I do like to see new places and cultures  so whenever there is a chance, I try to travel abroad. 

3. does your country have access to sea?

We are the land of thousand lakes buuut we also have sea around us, a lot in the south! so we can escape to Estonia xD 

4. favourite dish specific for your country?

Praised Karelian Pasty and Kalakukko here! otherwise our food is pretty much either stolen from Sweden or colorless/tasteless xD 

5. favourite song in your native language?

Me revealed some of them hier :>

6. most hated song in your native language?

Spent the yesterday browsing around Youtube xD and results are täällä

7. three words from your native language that you like the most?

Wow, this is a thing I’ve never thought about it so this should be something to be asked from my mates because they know better which words I repeat nonstop *laughs*  Hey, how about teaching you fellow buddies a few Finnish words?

- Juoksentelisinkohan?  (=I wonder if I should run around aimlessly?)Never heard anyone say this but I think it’s very amusing word in general xD 

- Lohikäärme = dragon Simply put so but if you write “lohi” and “käärme” separated, you get salmon and snake. In other words the translation could also be salmonsnake,kinda makes sense, kinda doesn’t *laughs*

- Pöpelikkö

= ThicketRarely used word for a forest/growth that is hard to walk through, maybe in spoken language means more like “in middle of nowhere” or at least that’s how I use that word ::D  

Bonus: lentokonesuihkuturbiinimoottoriapumekaanikkoaliupseerioppilasThe longest officially approved finnish word monster. In english it would beAeroplaneshowerturbinemotorhelpmechanicnoncommissionedofficerstudent. 

8. do you get confused with other nationalities? if so, which ones and by whom?

I probably told this before but I’m not a bloodline finn, my biological roots are in China (but I’ve spent practically my whole life here so my soul is very suomi perkele saunaan ja torille xD). As imaginable, this causes awkward situations because people get misunderstood or assume things right away but well whoopsies happpen as long as no one makes a number about it, it’s all ok ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

9. which of your neighbouring countries would you like to visit most/know best?

Revealed #lifegoals här!

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language?

Maybe the most heard sweard word is the finnish version of F-word  [x]Frankly spoken I don’t like or use it because it’s like the C-word and dunno, sounds weird when people love to repeat loudly a word that literally means woman’s genitals :D Nah my favorite swearword is “Perkele” because when you are angry you can feel the power in the R-letter.  But I actually use “Helvetti” (=hell) the most, no idea how it happened but anyway, if it’s not “PERRRKELE” then it’s “EI HELVETTI” *laughs* last time I swear like mad was when I had to assemble a furniture at work xD

11. favourite native writer/poet?

Tove Jansson adoration here :>

12. what do you think about English translations 

I have to admit I’m not familiar with translated literacy D: wait no I lied! I’ve read 2 Moomin books in english but don’t remember paying attention to the translation, only thing that was confusing first was the names in english because there wasn’t any expalanations to the names of the (random) side characters xD

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders?

We finns love icy waters but we have another tradition that is a dank meme. I mean TORILLE!! which basically means finns rush to the local market places if we win hockey championships or are good in any other sports. I think it’s a global jokebut yeah finns are trash for getting national recognision. Just mention us anywhere outside the borders and transmit that info to Finland and you can hear and see people hyping it like mad and I am not sure if other countries do this too in such extreme ways xD  

14. do you enjoy your country’s cinema and/or TV?

One thing that makes watching the finnish tv boring is that they literallt recycle the celebrities which means same faces in almost every fame teledrama or shows and practically everywhere you go or channel surf, you’ll see them and then even tabloids need to write nonstop about their slighest moves.  It is good to be ecological but if there is an actor that needs to shove their face everywhere no matter what and they try to keep their fame in every way, it just doesn’t work plus this might be stereotyping but in those “finnish versions” of big shows, finns are somewhat stiff and don’t go like “yeehaw WOHOO \o/” the same way like in the original shows  so it sometimes looks like they try too hard to be like the original or they are just “forced” to be superhyper. 

Another reason I don’t watch much finnish series is that the articulating is bad or then there is something wrong with the audio or it’s just my bad hearing but the actors tend to speak very very quietly so you have to put volume on if you want to hear anything on the telly and then your ears get rekt and wasted because when the commercials (which are louder than the normal speech) comes, the sound is even louder [x] just like when you open your computer and forgot the volume is at maximum and whe Windows start music suddenly appears. 

I bet there are good finnish movies too that are high quality and I personally enjoy the game shows (quiz like thingies) but in general, nah :p 15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get?

Another thing outsiders maybe don’t understand but finns love to queue and freebies and an ultimate example is that usually if a new shop opens up, people can start to queue a long before the grand opening. Funniest thing is that free buckets are the most queued thing and why not because they are useful xD

16. which stereotype about your country you hate the most and which one you somewhat agree with?

Maybe my favorite finnish stereotype is that finns love personal space [x] It is a national joke that if there is a bus stop, finns don’t stand next to each other (well in the capital and big cities maybe) but they have at least 2 meters distance xD 

17. are you interested in your country’s history?

Frankly spoken nah, I mean I liked to hear my grandparents’ stories about the life when they were younger and how my both grandfathers had to see the wars but in general nah, because well we’ve been owned by Swedes and Russians and had a civil war.  

18. do you speak with a dialect of your native language?

I’m originally from the Eastern Finland that has its dialect  and people distinguish it easily. Especially now that I’ve lived outside my hometown during studies and work, people tell that they hear strong dialect although I only use it in the person pronouns *eyes emoji*

19. do you like your country’s flag and/or emblem? what about the national anthem?

Blue is a nice color so thumbs up for that! Well can’t say I’m a fanatic finn but of course it sounds nice to hear the anthem on telly [x]

20. which sport is The Sport in your country?

Hockey is probably where Finland is the most successful but we also like football (duh, everyone likes) but we suck at that so bye FIFA dreams xD you know about that Phil because I ranted about it last summer XD

21. if you could send two things from your country into space, what would they be?

SALMIAKKI and that free bucket *laughs* 

22. what makes you proud about your country? what makes you ashamed?

There are many things very well in Finland, like everyone gets a free basic education and natural disasters such as earthquakes are very rare so it’s quite safe. 

What am I ashamed of? Well frankly spoken we are way too soft on criminals in my opinion so our country should fix the law system so that the criminals would get rougher and longer punishments for rough crimes. 

23. which alcoholic beverage is the favoured one in your country?

I think beers, wines and long drinks are in now? 

24. what other nation is joked about most often in your country?

Sweden! It’s a common joke that we are so jealous of Swedes being better people and succeeding in everything and of course in our jokes swedes are the dummies. I think Scandinavian countries do that about each other like Finland vs Sweden, Iceland vs Denmark and Sweden vs Norway *laughs*

25. would you like to come from another place, be born in another country?

But I am born in another country xD Nah no, I wouldn’t change a thingblue eyes would be cool but finns tend to burn in the sun and I enjoy the summer I’m happy like this :p 26. does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? what do you think about the portrayal?

The latest news about Finland in American media must’ve been that when Trump misunderstood the forest defense thing and said something like Finns are so diligent they rake their forest floors [x] but the truth is that we don’t because our climate is different. Of course we have forest fires too but they are much much smaller than in California. 

27. favourite national celebrity?

I fangirled Antti holma here, he handsome, he funny, he has a podcast  :> 

28. does your country have a lot of lakes, mountains, rivers? do you have favourites?I think a couple of mountains exsist [x] but more rivers and thousands of lakes! I like the lakes, since I’ve spent most of my summers at our summer cottage near the lake. Actually never been in the north but I’d love to go on a roadtrip someday to see them!

29. does your region/city have a beef with another place in your country?

We beat Sweden and Russia so no one shall mess with our smol country! :p

Fun fact: There is a guy named Simo Häyhä, a sniper who is said to be killed more than 505 men during the 1939–40 Winter War [x]

30. do you have people of different nationalities in your family?

We have a multicultural family tree, relatives from France, Germany, Sweden, Japan and so on :)! 

[vocalfriespod]

Two Canadians, an Australian and an American walk into a linguistics conference… what is this? A crossover episode? Transcript

MEGAN: Welcome to the Vocal Fries podcast, the podcast about linguistic discrimination.

CARRIE: I'm Carrie Gillon.

MEGAN: And I'm Megan Figueroa.

CARRIE: Today we have a few housekeeping items before we begin. The first thing is, we recorded this episode during the Linguistic Society of America, or the LSA, conference this year, and so it was in a hotel room. So the sound quality might be a little off.

MEGAN: Yes. We were sitting around a table in a hotel room and it was freezing outside.

CARRIE: Actually that day it was not yet freezing. Later it did freeze, it did snow, which is exciting for those of us who live in the desert.

MEGAN: Yeah and who didn't have altitude sickness and was stuck in a hotel room the whole day. Anyway.

CARRIE: Yeah, so this episode's gonna be more like what our bonus episodes are gonna be like. And that gives us the opportunity to talk about our Patreon!

MEGAN: Yes, so we joined Patreon, and we already have a few subscribers.

CARRIE: Yes! Thank you Ann, Daniel, Lingthusiasm, and Suzanne.

MEGAN: Yes, thank you so much.

CARRIE: There are three levels, if you are able to support us we would love to have you as supporters. We have a $1 level; we just thank you for supporting us. We have a $3 level where you get a sticker and your name is announced on the air. And then we also have a $5 level where you get the sticker, your name announced, and also you get access to the bonus episodes. So this episode is kind of in the vein of what those bonus episodes are going to be like, and we are going to record a real bonus episode this month about Word Of The Year, which was part of the LSA as well.

MEGAN: Yes and the sticker that you get features the adorable fries. It's very cute. I think we -we tweeted it out, right? A picture of the fries? of the sticker?

CARRIE: I think we did, if we didn't: shame on us.

MEGAN: Yes. It's very cute.

CARRIE: This episode we had a chance to interview the Lingthusiasm hosts, Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Which we all pronounce incorrectly because we don't have the correct vowel.

MEGAN: Yeah. But she's nice and says it’s ok to pronounce it like “gone” as in “Gone Girl”.

CARRIE: We also want to tell everybody that most of our episodes are on YouTube now. So if you prefer to access episodes that way, or if you know people who prefer to watch a video as opposed to listen, you can do that. And we're also slowly adding transcripts for our episodes. We don't have a paid transcriptionist, so we're just doing it ourselves, and so it will take a long time. But we are slowly adding them. And our first one is up.

MEGAN: Yeah and we're very excited about doing that because we are of course really trying to make this as accessible as possible. And ultimately I think a Patreon goal of ours is to pay someone to do it.

CARRIE: Right. Yes.

MEGAN: Yeah so bear with us. Carrie did the first one, thank you so much Carrie. But yeah. It's definitely a goal.

CARRIE: Right. And we also want to remind people of our email address vocalfriespod@gmail.com. Okay so now we have an interview with Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne of Lingthusiasm.

MEGAN: Today is really exciting. We are sitting in a hotel room with the Lingthusiasts.

CARRIE: The Lingthusiasms?

MEGAN: I don't know. Do you -

GRETCHEN: The co-hosts of Lingthusiasm?

MEGAN: Ah, but that’s too long!

LAUREN: I like Lingthusiasts.

GRETCHEN: We call our listeners the Lingthusiasts too. But that's good.

MEGAN: Can you and your listeners be the same name?

GRETCHEN: I don't know.

MEGAN: I think it's okay. I mean we're all on the same level. We're all people.

CARRIE: We’re all friends here.

LAUREN: We’re all enthusiastic about linguistics and that’s all that matters.

MEGAN: Exactly. So we have Gretchen McCulloch…

GRETCHEN: Yes, hello.

MEGAN: Hi.

GRETCHEN: You weren’t enthusiastic about that.

MEGAN: Well it’s because I was staring at you to see if I said your name right.

GRETCHEN: Yeah I say McCulloch [məkʌlɪk].

MEGAN: Okay, cuz other people, there are other -

GRETCHEN: Other people say McCulloch [məkʌlə] but I don't know. It's complicated.

MEGAN: Yeah. And then we have Lauren grai….?

[LAUGHTER]

LAUREN: For such a short name, my name is complicated. It's Lauren Gawne [gɔn].

GRETCHEN: I don't have that vowel.

MEGAN: I was never gonna get there.

LAUREN: You can say, like homophonous with g-o-n-e is fine as well.

MEGAN: Like “Gone Girl”? Like Ben Affleck?

LAUREN: That is me.

GRETCHEN: I say Lauren Gone and she says that’s ok.

MEGAN: Lauren Gone. But it's the sound in like, what?

CARRIE: It’s the open o [ɔ].

MEGAN: Okay.

CARRIE: Which we talked about before.

MEGAN: We have talked it about before.

CARRIE: And none of us, except for Lauren have that one, so.

MEGAN: And she's Australian.

LAUREN: Yes. So Gawne and gone - Lauren Gawne watched “Gone Girl” - they're two different vowels for me.

MEGAN: For you, but not for us.

LAUREN: Yes. But I make it easy for you.

CARRIE/MEGAN/GRETCHEN: Thank you!

LAUREN: That’s fine.

GRETCHEN: I can’t unmerge just for you.

LAUREN: Unmerge on that one word only.

CARRIE: Yeah. So today we're gonna talk about American and British hegemony?

LAUREN: Sure. Well we were actually just gonna suggest that we talk about Australian and Canadian English, because they're the Englishes we speak and have the most experience with.

CARRIE: Wo the American is outnumbered this time.

MEGAN: Yes. I mean as we should be.

[Laughter]

MEGAN: I mean, we’re really fucking things up.

[Laughter]

GRETCHEN: I forgot to ask if this podcast had swearing.

CARRIE: Oh yes. We have the explicit rating. It's all good.

MEGAN: I mean our tag line is Don't Be An Asshole.

[Laughter]

MEGAN: Even just with that, we need the rating.

GRETCHEN: Well yes, there is that.

MEGAN: Like all of our other episodes, I will probably learn the most here.

[LAUGHTER]

CARRIE: This time definitely I think. Alright, so where did you guys want to begin?

LAUREN: I think we want to begin with keyboards. Because that’s where a lot of our frustration manifests. So when you have to select in a spell checker on a document, it's almost always “do you want British or American English” as though they are the two. And even if you choose something like Canadian or Australian English, often it's like it was made by someone who has never actually spoken to a Canadian or an Australian. Some of it is orthographic convention stuff, so it's the we both use ISE, instead of IZE.

GRETCHEN: Oh I use IZE a fair bit.

CARRIE: Yeah.

LAUREN: Yeah I mean there's this whole other diglossia thing we can get into.

GRETCHEN: Canadians use Zed, but in terms of words like realize or analyze, I would tend to use IZE, but when I choose Canadian English from a spell checker, it will try to correct me too ISE on those words, but you get the opposite right?

LAUREN: Yeah so Australian English follows British conventions in this regard, but on a lot of spell checkers, if you tick Australian English, they’ll tell you that it should be IZE and it's like “no”.

CARRIE: Interesting. I didn't realize THAT.

GRETCHEN: So there's like this kind of delocalization problem where they're if you pick Canadian English it just maps you onto British English instead, or vice versa for Australian English.

MEGAN: Wait and that's gonna be widespread in Australia that you use the S.

LAUREN: Yep.

MEGAN: Okay, so they're not people that some of them use Z.

LAUREN: No. Unless I'm writing for an American publication, and then I will tailor it. So we become very good - and I've noticed that's the thing Canadians do as well - is flipping back and forth between.

GRETCHEN: Yeah, I would use both, depending on who I’m talking to and what I’m feeling like. I feel like spellcheckers don't reflect that stylistic choice. They're like “you must pick a thing and do it”. Some words I'm more likely to use ISE on, and some words I'm more likely to use IZE on. I'm okay with that.

LAUREN: Or it should just figure out, in this document, I'm clearly writing for an American audience and it's gonna be IZE throughout.

GRETCHEN: Yeah. We run into this problem - so we also have a podcast, as you all know - and we do transcriptions for the podcast, and we do that by uploading our episodes to YouTube and having YouTube's autocaptioner figure out what we're saying in a very bad version, and then we have a human go in and edit that, rather than have a human try to do it all. So it's faster that way. But we have to pick a language that it thinks the talk is in.

CARRIE: Right.

GRETCHEN: And our choices, along with a couple other languages, French and so on, we can pick between British English and American English. A show that's hosted by a Canadian and an Australian. And what we'd really like to be able to do is say a) there are two speakers here, one of us has r’s and the other one doesn’t.

LAUREN: Two speakers of two very different dialects of English.

GRETCHEN: Of two very different dialects and, if they could detect two different voices, because our voices sound fairly different, and then also say, you should be mapping us onto two different standards. Because for me, and I think American English is mostly okay, but for you, you're going to get a better job with British English, because it doesn't expect you to have r’s.

LAUREN: Yeah. And I should point out, we both speak highly standardized, highly educated varieties of the English that we speak, and in terms of the scale of linguistic discrimination, we are not really complaining about IZE over ISE, it’s not really the kind of discrimination that a lot of people face and is really bad, but it's really frustrating to be invisible in global English and you see - if we can't even get people talking about more than British and American English, how are we going to get people to talk about kind of lower status varieties of British English or varieties of American English that are negatively stereotyped, if we can't get people to think more broadly about the varieties of English there are.

CARRIE: Or Indian English or Singapore English.

GRETCHEN: South African English is a whole other -

CARRIE: I love it. Sith Ifrican.

GRETCHEN: There's lots of Englishes and other languages are also also multipluricentric. This is a problem that comes up with French in particular, because I live in Montreal, and French has this very high prestige associated with especially Parisian French, European French. Montreal kids, Quebec kids get taught in schools European French, because that's the “better” French. Kids in a lot of the former French colonies get taught France French even if the French that’s spoken there is a very different variety. English is double - has two centers, and THAT’s a problem. French only has one, and that's ALSO a problem. Spanish is very different in very different countries. A lot of the languages that we think of as major world languages are actually more - have more complexity than we think.

CARRIE: Yeah, it's interesting: two things have already come up that we've talked about before. The AI automatic speech recognition stuff, so we talked about that with Rachael Tatman, and what she was looking at with the YouTube comments was just gender and how women's voices are less well transcribed. And then we also talked about Canadian French in our last episode.

GRETCHEN: Oh yeah! With Nicole! She’s so great.

CARRIE: She is.

MEGAN: Well this reminds me that I guess it wasn't too long ago that Microsoft Word added grammar as one of the things that it'll underline for you.

CARRIE: Wait. That's not new.

MEGAN: It’s not new?

CARRIE: No.

MEGAN: WHAT?

CARRIE: No.

MEGAN: In the last ten years.

CARRIE: No the whole time I've been using Word it's had it.

LAUREN: It's just that you automatically disable it because it's so terrible.

CARRIE: It used to be worse. Now it’s

MEGAN: So maybe I got a new computer and then I had it again.

CARRIE/LAUREN/GRETCHEN: Yes.

MEGAN: Okay. Well we solved that mystery. But okay. So if we're thinking about the grammar, what if you use double negatives, or what if use the passive! Cuz I think it would mark double negatives.

CARRIE: Of course it would yeah. It’s very standard.

GRETCHEN: It marks the passive, even like - so I was reading this book by Anne Curzon who's also here at the LSA Annual Meeting, and she's got this book about the history of standardizing English - “Fixing English”, I think it's called - about the history of English standardization. And one of her chapters is about questioning the authority of Microsoft Word to underline your words. By what right and by whose rules do you get to underline this.

MEGAN: Yes.

GRETCHEN: And people who think a lot about - she surveyed her colleagues in the English department and even though they have advanced English degrees they've never thought about where does Microsoft get its ideas. And what kind of outdated, and never correct in the first place, grammar stereotypes is it perpetuating.

CARRIE: Very good. We should read that. We should talk to her too.

LAUREN: You should just talk to her anyway.

MEGAN: I know.

CARRIE: She’s on the list.

MEGAN: She’s definitely on the list.

GRETCHEN: But yeah, it's something that interests me as a as an Internet linguist, I guess, because looking at Twitter data, what are people saying on Twitter, and how are people using creative respellings to represent their speech more closely than a standardized representation does, which people definitely do.

LAUREN: It’s like a new era of early Old English manuscripts, where you could trace them to the region that were from because of the accent. It just makes me so happy to read something and feel connected to that person because they are doing a great kind of I dialect impression of Australian English. So good.

MEGAN: Well it makes me think of how I used to teach quote/unquote developmental English at a community college and many of my students were African American English speakers, and they would take the G off of words that - you know the “ing”, which is very typical pattern in African American English. But I was expected to mark that as something that was incorrect.

LAUREN: Apparently that used to be an affluent form of British English, to g-drop in Southern [England] English, which just shows how arbitrary the social values we impose on particular sounds.

GRETCHEN: and there's another one too, because apparently - so English used to have two “ings”, two things that have now become the modern “ing” ending, one of which was a gerund and one of which was a noun, so the one in “thing” and stuff like that. And even people who have - I don't think anybody says “thin” for “thing”.

CARRIE/MEGAN: Right.

LAUREN: Yeah.

GRETCHEN: Even people who are really, really robust quote/unquote g-droppers never quote unquote drop it there.

CARRIE: Right.

GRETCHEN: So there's a thing that's going on that's grammatical about that, and one of the endings - and I don't remember this exact story, but - one of the endings was originally “ende”. And so the “in” ending kind of reflects this historical ending that didn't have a g in it in the first place.

CARRIE: Interesting.

GRETCHEN: And so what people are doing has really old roots in many dialects of English, and just became stigmatized when the orthography switched to g, and there was this idea that “oh it should have this g, because the g’s there in the orthography”.

CARRIE: Huh. That also reminds me of the ask/aks thing because the aks is older than ask.

LAUREN: Yep.

GRETCHEN: Yeah and I have this idea that English was like - that older varieties of English were just one thing, because that's what was written down, but it was always multiple ways of talking.

CARRIE: As soon as you have more than one person.

LAUREN: And this dialect anxiety is - there's this pronounced discourse in Australia of “American English is ruining Australian English” and “Australian English is becoming less Australian and more American”, and the examples people point out are often things that were really transitory and didn't actually stick around, and no one ever points out that - so for example we don't refer to “lorries” for trucks. So there are things that we've - we refer to trousers as “trousers” and underwear as “underwear” and pants are a form of trousers, rather than a form of underwear, whereas in British English they're pants. So don't do what someone I know did once as an Australian and email your British employer and ask if there's a particular color of pants they want you to wear.

[LAUGHTER]

LAUREN: Because they'll be very confused about why you want a uniform for your underwear. But it speaks to this fact that we DO have a lot of things that we have in common with American English that we've never had in common with British English, really, and no one ever points to those as “American English is ruining Australian English”.

CARRIE: Why is it always American English that's ruining English?

LAUREN: Well I mean this is this thing, right, is this anxiety that we have about the cultural hegemony and we do have a lot more exposure to American English than Americans have to us, which is why -

CARRIE: That’s true.

LAUREN: Australian actors can go to work in America and do a tolerable job of an American accent, and Americans just have vowels all over the place, because suddenly you have to unmerge all this stuff that you never knew was different anyway. You can pick a bad Australian accent so far away, it’s great.

GRETCHEN: Yeah. Canadian actors have to learn how to do an American accent and there's dialect coaches and stuff like that, but nobody even tries to learn a Canadian accent properly because it's close enough.

CARRIE: No, they just fake a North Dakotan accent.

GRETCHEN: And they get Canadian raising wrong. And it drives me bananas.

CARRIE: Yeah. It’s not that hard, guys.

GRETCHEN: Well it is if you don't have the phonemes probably.

LAUREN: And you don’t have the thousands hours of exposure.

CARRIE: Well, they do, right?

GRETCHEN: Well they don’t have the diphthongs. The “about” they have uh [ʌ] and they have the I, but they don't have that as a diphthong. And I don't know how to describe that to somebody who doesn’t have it.

CARRIE: Yeah I guess that’s true. But some Americans have the ‘I’ [ʌɪ] one and not the ‘ow’ [ʌʊ] one. And no American ever points out the ‘I’ [ʌɪ] one actually. They never hear “mice” as funny, but they hear “about” as funny. I always thought that was interesting, but I think it's because some Americans have they have the raising with the ‘I’ and not the ‘ow’.

GRETCHEN: Yeah I think it's acquired like a stereotype.

CARRIE: (TO MEGAN) You have it too, I think. ‘mice’ [mʌɪs] as opposed to ‘mice’ [maɪs].

MEGAN: Oh no.

GRETCHEN: I learned surprisingly late in life that ‘I scream for ice cream’ supposed to be ‘I scream for ice cream’ [aɪ skɹim fɚ aɪs kɹim] and not ‘I scream for ice cream’ [aɪ skɹim fɚ ʌɪs kɹim]. It was created by someone for whom those are the same vowel. But because I have Canadian Raising in ice-

LAUREN: Hang on, can you do it again, because they sound like the same vowel to me.

GRETCHEN: That's cuz you don't have Canadian Raising.

LAUREN: But you do it, Canadian-

GRETCHEN: I scream for ice cream [aɪ skɹim fɚ ʌɪs kɹim]

LAUREN: Okay

GRETCHEN: It's slightly shorter and higher.

LAUREN: Right. I'm just gonna have to believe you on that.

[LAUGHTER]

CARRIE: We could show you the spectrogram.

LAUREN: That would be great.

GRETCHEN: I even have ‘high school’ [hʌɪ skul] - ‘high school’ [haɪ skul].

LAUREN: Australian English has pretty high high vowels anyway. So ‘high school’ [haɪ skul] is already pretty high.

GRETCHEN: No it's not high.

CARRIE: No, it’s not as high as ours.

GRETCHEN: How would you say the ice cream thing.

LAUREN: I scream for ice cream [aɪ skɹim fɚ aɪs kɹim].

CARRIE: Yeah, it's almost the same.

GRETCHEN: It’s almost the same. Yeah: ‘I scream for ice cream’ [aɪ skɹim fɚ ʌɪs kɹim], those are two different vowels.

MEGAN: I scream for ice cream [aɪ skɹim fɚ ʌɪs kɹim]?

GRETCHEN: Yeah, you have raising.

CARRIE: They’re different.

GRETCHEN: Dear Vocal Fries listeners. Please say ‘I scream for ice cream’.

MEGAN: This is what linguists do when they get together.

CARRIE: So nerdy, it’s insane.

LAUREN: Yeah, you get four accents in a room and-

MEGAN: That’s the beginning of a terrible joke.

LAUREN: Hours of entertainment.

GRETCHEN: I’m sorry, I’m trying to pay attention to what you said, but I got distracted by your vowels.

[LAUGHTER]

CARRIE: It’s what we do.

MEGAN: Yeah, don’t go on dates with linguists.

[LAUGHTER]

GRETCHEN: Or do, if you like that.

CARRIE: If you’re already a linguist, maybe not.

LAUREN: Would you date someone for their accent?

CARRIE: Oh yeah, totally.

MEGAN: Ohhh yeah.

LAUREN: I feel like it's such a deep linguist thing saying “oh yeah”. That is definitely a different thing to people being like “I think French accents are sexy”. Linguists are like “ ah yeah, guess what, he's got some quality Canadian raising”.

GRETCHEN: “You merge these two vowels and I've never seen someone merge that way before.”

MEGAN: Exactly. Literally everything is data.

CARRIE: It’s true.

GRETCHEN: You need to keep your friends and family naive linguistically, because then when your grammaticality intuitions get shot, because you've been thinking about something too long, you'll be able to go ask your roommate or something like, “hey, can you say this? For me? Just to make sure if it sounds right to you?”

LAUREN: Having lived now in the last four years, we've lived in Singapore, southern England, and Australia, and then working all the time as I do with you as a Canadian and a bunch of American colleagues, especially lexical intuitions, I have no intuitions about words anymore. I can’t remember where I use that or if it's normal.

CARRIE: Yeah, the dialect surveys where they’re like, “how do you pronounce this word?” Is it leisure [liʒɚ] or leisure [lɛʒɚ]. I’m like -

LAUREN: Depends on who I'm talking to.

CARRIE: Both sound okay to me now! I don't even know in that case. I think it's leisure [liʒɚ]?

EDDIE IZZARD: You say aluminum we say aluminium. You say centrifugal [sɛn’tɹɪfʊgəl] we say centrifugal [sɛntɹɪ’fjugəl]. You say leisure [liʒɚ] we say layzhuraia.

GRETCHEN: A lot of stuff that I think of as a change in progress is actually “I just moved to a different region”. Or vice versa. I go to different region and it's actually a change in progress. I grew up in Nova Scotia and then I moved to Ontario for undergrad and then I moved to Montreal for grad school. In Montreal, I don't have a lot of pressures on my English, because most of the English speakers that I interact with are from a variety of locations and have moved to Montreal. The Montreal English is also a bit pluricentric, but Montreal French, my French has gotten very Quebec since I moved to Montreal, which is great. I've been trying to make it more Quebec, because why should I speak European anyway. It’s because of the French cultural hegemony. Maybe I should speak Quebec French.

[Laughter]

CARRIE: Yeah, damnit!

GRETCHEN: Damnit!

MEGAN: Thanks to Nicole Rosen, I know there’s a difference.

GRETCHEN: Do you know what the difference is?

MEGAN: No.

GRETCHEN: So now I say, instead of saying like - oh fuck. I wasn’t expecting to be saying French. If I'm saying tu sais I have [tse], I have frication on the high vowels, which is really fun. I can't even do it and not fricate it now. I used to do them not fricated but I can’t do it now.

LAUREN: It's been really great working with you and discovering - I did, just to bring my own biases in here, I definitely had this view that American English was all of North American English, and I do tend to forget that you are also part of the Commonwealth. Like a surprise I go and same person’s on the money. Which is problematic in other ways, but I've learnt so much about Canadian English and just how different it is.

GRETCHEN: And a lot of Canadians orient towards a more British standard as a way of not seeming American.

LAUREN: Oh my gosh, can you tell - cuz we talked about this in our - well we didn't talk about it in the color episode, but we did an episode about the semantics of different color terms, and then when it came - I was like “oh no Gretchen, we have to write the episode description and whose color spelling are we going to use?” because I c-o-l-o-u-r, which is definitely spelled correctly just then -

GRETCHEN: And I was like, “no I have o-u-r”, labour and colour and favourite

LAUREN: And I did not know that about Canadian English, but it's a thing that-

GRETCHEN: So we've decided for the podcast all our descriptions are - our house style is Canadian/Australian, which is basically whatever we think it is, because we don't have adequate spellchecks for it, and so just whoever's writing it writes it the way they want to, and that's how we do it. And we ran into some controversy about this, because we made t-shirts and mugs and with “not judging your grammar, just analysing it” and on them, because this is a common linguist sentiment that we have to correct.

LAUREN: And I didn't even think about it when we did it, but we obviously spell analyse with an s.

GRETCHEN: And since then, we've gotten a bunch of people, Americans, being like but do you have one with a zed or with a zee on it and we're like, “no? Doesn't have to be about you?”

LAUREN: No.

GRETCHEN: If you can’t wear a shirt with an s on it, you don’t deserve to wear this shirt.

LAUREN: Especially that shirt, of all shirts. If you can't be non-judgey on a mug

GRETCHEN/LAUREN: that says you're not judgey

LAUREN: then you don't get the mug.

GRETCHEN: You’ve missed the entire point of this exercise. And I think we would have faced a lot less flack if we had done the zed spelling.

CARRIE: Oh yeah. Sure.

GRETCHEN: Because people who aren't Americans are more used to the world not caring.

MEGAN: I was gonna say: Americans expect things to be the way that we want them to be.

CARRIE: Well also in this case, I would spell this with a zed as well.

GRETCHEN: I would have spelled it with a zed too, but Lauren had made it with the s and I was like, “I'm not changing it”.

CARRIE: Yeah.

GRETCHEN: That's fine. Yeah no, I would have filled it with a zed but I was like, yeah I'm amused by this.

LAUREN: Yeah, it's one of the times I didn't think about it.

GRETCHEN: Yeah no, and I think it would be an interesting conversation piece, and those people were like, “you could make both versions” and I was like, “I don't think you see the point of, here's our house style. It is whatever we say it is.” And maybe it's not your style, but you're wearing this as a way of participating in a particular type of thing, and we're trying to not make the podcast too American in a world where a lot of media is centered around the US.

LAUREN: We love you, American listeners.

[Laughter]

GRETCHEN: We say this IN the US, we love our American listeners, but we want to expose them to things outside of their-

MEGAN: We have the advantage where I AM an American, so we can just say it and the listeners can assume that I don't really mean everything I say.

GRETCHEN: It's very easy, because, especially as a Canadian, I go to a lot of American conferences, I have a lot of American colleagues who I like very much, but it's very easy to start getting in that bad patterning of everything's -

CARRIE: Yeah, even when I was in elementary school, we were allowed to spell words the Canadian way or the American way.

LAUREN: Yeah. Was it you telling me the anecdote about zed and zee? And flipping?

GRETCHEN: Yeah! There's a thing that happens that Jack Chambers, who's a Canadian linguist, has documented, where Canadian children will generally sing the alphabet song with zee at the end.

CARRIE: Ah! I never did.

GRETCHEN: Like a lot of them. I should have done a test run on it for you, anyway. Like “Carrie, how did you sing the alphabet song?” Canadian children will often sing the alphabet song with zee at the end, and they'll often say zee at the end when they were citing the alphabet, up until around the age of like 10 to 16, and then they switch to zed. Which is a weirdly late age for acquisition stuff.

LAUREN: It must look like change, like it's changed.

GRETCHEN: It looks like it's change in progress. It looks like the kids are becoming Americanized, and watching Sesame Street, and adopting this thing. Except you can keep doing it a decade later, or two decades later, and still little kids are using zee, but the 20-somethings, who were your teenagers or your little kids, have now switched to zed. My mum, when she was a kid, I asked her, she would have said zee, and now she says zed. When I was a kid I sang the alphabet song with zee and then I switch to zed.

CARRIE: Okay. I know why I didn't. My mother would have yelled at me.

[Laughter]

GRETCHEN: Yeah so once people acquire it as an identity token they switched to zed, and they're very adamant about it. I almost wouldn't admit that I had ever used zee, because that's this thing that -

CARRIE: It’s a shibboleth.

GRETCHEN: distinguishes us from those people to the south.

LAUREN: Sometimes language contact can drive change apart, as well as change towards.

GRETCHEN: Yeah. They did this study on - I think it was Buffalo and Windsor, Ontario? Buffalo, uh … where is Buffalo?

CARRIE: New York.

GRETCHEN: No, that’s not next to Windsor. Anyway.

LAUREN: Two places.

GRETCHEN: Two cities -

CARRIE: Oh, Niagara?

GRETCHEN: Niagara, St. Catherine’s, no.

CARRIE: Yeah, St. Catherine’s is right there.

GRETCHEN: What's on the US side then?

CARRIE: Buffalo is right at the border.

GRETCHEN: Oh, so it is Buffalo.

LAUREN: None of this means anything to me.

GRETCHEN: Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.

CARRIE: I hate that sentence!

GRETCHEN: So those two cities, they've done linguistic dialects surveys in them, and people - they actually talk more differently from each other than people who are further in from the border. Because people really want to identify where they're from.

CARRIE: That's interesting.

MEGAN: And I guess I should be the American and ask what the fuck zed is.

MARIA DE MEDEIROS: Who’s Zed?

BRUCE WILLIS: Zed’s dead baby. Zed’s dead

CARRIE: It’s just zee.

LAUREN: It's the last letter of the alphabet.

MEGAN: So it's a synonym.

CARRIE: It's just our name for it versus your name for it.

MEGAN: Okay.

GRETCHEN: It's like, I don't know, like pop versus soda.

MEGAN: Okay.

GRETCHEN: It's just other other names for it. Most of the letters of the alphabet only have the one name, but this one, it has two.

MEGAN: Alright. Cuz I heard you say zed, and I was like, “that's just how you say zee so that everyone understands you're saying zee”.

GRETCHEN: You have it as a disambiguation, like International Phonetic Alphabet, no, like the NATO alphabet thing.

CARRIE: Ohhhh.

GRETCHEN: I've never encountered that use, that’s interesting.

CARRIE: Me either!

LAUREN: It's like saying zero instead of oh on the phone or something for you.

MEGAN: Yeah.

GRETCHEN: Or Alpha Bravo Charlie Delta. M as in Michael type thing.

MEGAN: Yeah, that's what I thought it was.

GRETCHEN: Huh. I didn’t realize anybody did that.

LAUREN: The zed of the NATO phonetic alphabet is Zulu, just if you’re curious.

GRETCHEN: Yeah so they don't have zed. They could have zeta or something there, but I don't know. They don't. Cuz zed comes from Greek zeta.

CARRIE: Got changed over time.

GRETCHEN: Anyway. I think more of our letters should have real names for them, rather than just like sound followed by ee. Because then we wouldn't have this phone problem in the first place but.

CARRIE: It's true. But it is kind of fun to have this code.

GRETCHEN: It does make it easy for the alphabet song to rhyme. I tried to write an alphabet song in IPA once, and it did not go well, because nothing rhymed. Also the stress was very difficult.

CARRIE: Oh yeah.

MEGAN: Yeah.

GRETCHEN: It was like, “p, b, t, d, k, g … glottal stop!”

CARRIE: UH! GRETCHEN: Do you say the name of the sound, or do you say the sound itself. The symbol? Some of the stuff, even linguists using a p will generally just say “pee”. But glottal stop doesn't have a name other than “global stop”. So it did not go well.

CARRIE: No. I can imagine.

MEGAN: I just got worried for you guys. Are you going to the thing?

GRETCHEN: The Word Of The Year? Yeah.

CARRIE: Do we have a last thing that you wanna-

LAUREN: Thing we wanna-

CARRIE: What do you want to tell our listeners?

GRETCHEN: Um.

MEGAN: While you're thinking about that, I'm gonna say that: I'm an American so I didn't think about these as issues. So sorry. The keyboard and the spellcheck works for me. Never thought about how it wouldn't work for other dialects. Even American English.

GRETCHEN: You succeeded in not being an asshole.

MEGAN: Thank you.

[Laughter]

MEGAN: I was being an asshole before.

LAUREN: That’s the thing. I don't necessarily want to ensure that everyone does spell things a certain way, although obviously it would be preferable. It's just one of the things. In Australia, life goes on even though I did read a bunch of books that had American spellings and even lexical items. I still don't really know what “pumps” are or “bangs” are, but they were in the Baby-Sitters Club books. We just got on with lexical variation and those things are actually really common things, but I don't really have a visual for them in my head, but I do - it's a very specific Baby-Sitters Club aesthetic, and I think allowing more people to have more of that exposure then makes them more open-minded about - we get exposed to a lot of American and British accents on television, and a little lexical variation, and I think when Australians travel they do a better job of adapting to that variation they're exposed to. I think just exposing -

GRETCHEN: I had a difficult time with your vowels, because I don't have any Australian tv that I’ve been exposed to since a young age.

LAUREN: You should’ve watched more Neighbours, Gretchen.

CARRIE: I didn't watch Neighbors, but I watched Home & Away a lot.

GRETCHEN: I watched Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries.

LAUREN: Good one. That's good.

CARRIE: That's pretty good, but that was much later.

GRETCHEN: Yeah. I'm just thinking, because we're gonna be heading to the Word Of The Year vote, there is no one declares a Canadian word of the year at the moment.

CARRIE: No… yeah.

GRETCHEN: Yeah. So that's something that has been kind of on my radar, because we did a Word Of The Year episode last year, and I was like, the Australian National Dictionary had done that, and I thought geez no one -

LAUREN: We have the Australian National Dictionary and Macquarie. We have two.

GRETCHEN: Oh they each declare a Word Of The Year?

LAUREN: They do, yeah.

GRETCHEN: Oh, good for them. So there are two Australian Word Of The Years, there's a bunch of American ones-

CARRIE: No Canadian.

GRETCHEN: And there's no Canadian Word Of The Year. We've gotta get somebody on that, Carrie, lets do this.

CARRIE: Let's do it!

LAUREN: And the British of course have the Oxford Dictionary, which just presumes to name the Word Of The Year for everyone.

MEGAN: As they do.

LAUREN/GRETCHEN: As they do.

LAUREN: So it's not necessarily about changing YOUR English, or the way you spell, or the way you use words, but just being open to exposing yourself to podcasts by people who don't speak the same accent as you, and it is a bit harder at the start, but it's really worthwhile.

CARRIE: Agreed.

GRETCHEN: And something that more languages can be pluricentric, and standardization isn't an inherit good when it comes to language.

CARRIE: It's definitely not.

GRETCHEN: It's, in fact, terrible.

MEGAN: yeah think that's what Americans should take away, as I'm hearing y'all, that we should think about how so much of the media we can see - we don't have to worry about fitting in when it comes to that.

LAUREN: Well standardizing, just accepting that Harry Potter was written in British English.

MEGAN: They switched things!

LAUREN: Yeah they did.

GRETCHEN: We got the British versions, so I had deal with “trainers”, and I didn't know what trainers were. I guess there's just things that Harry Potter wears, I was like, “oh you mean sneakers, okay”.

CARRIE: Oh we killed them “runners” where I grew up.

LAUREN: Oh I’m a “runners” person as well! Nice!

CARRIE: Commonwealth, represent!

GRETCHEN: But I’m a sneakers person, cuz I’m from the Maritimes. There's all this stuff -  and I think having space for multiple different varieties of speaking, even within something that we call a language is something that there isn’t enough attention to.

CARRIE: Agreed! Well I think that's a good place to end.

MEGAN: it sounds like a great place to end.

CARRIE: So thanks for being our guests!

LAUREN: Thanks for having us on!

GRETCHEN: Yeah, thanks for having us!

MEGAN: We HAD to take this opportunity.

CARRIE: Alright, and thanks again, and

CARRIE/MEGAN: Don’t be an asshole!

EDDIE IZZARD: And you say basil [beɪsəl], we say basil [bæsəl]. You say herbs [ɚbz] and we say herbs [hɚbz], because there’s a fucking h in it. [Applause] But you spell through t-h-r-u, and I'm with you on that, as we spell it thruff, and that's trying to cheat at Scrabble. How can we get that ‘oo’ sound. Well a u will work. What about an o as well. No, we don’t need it, we're fine. No I think I an o in. Alright. And a g as well. What?! Yes a g would be good. Yes. Yes, we need a silent guh, just in the background in case of any accidents or something. Well alright. And an h as well. Fuckin hang on. An h in case some herbs come along. And a q, and p, an a zed. Look it's a word in Scrabble that's 480 points.

CARRIE: The Vocal Fries Podcast is produced by Chris Ayers for Halftone Audio. Music by Nick Granum. You can find us on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @vocalfriespod. You can email us at vocalfriespod@gmail.com. 

[sorikkung]

You did an intro to got7 a while ago could you maybe do one for A.C.E.??? They seem like a good group but I'm clueless atm so it would be v helpful!!!

lololol i did an intro to mark from got7 but not got7 as a whole, but yes ofc i will i love my talented bois and i love rambling about them heRE WE G O

an introduction to a.c.e, for dummies (jk ily choice is a great fandom pls join us)

also this is gonna get rlly long so im gonna put it under a cut

A.C.E is a 5-member boygroup under beat interactive!! which is a p small company atm so my boys dont exactly have the high quality living and practice areas and food that they deserve :(( THEYLL GET THERE THO IM SURE OF IT THEYRE LEGENDS

here’s their youtube channel with aaaaall sorts of goodies

i started stanning a.c.e predebut, bc they had a lot of content for a group that hadn’t debuted yet, and it was enough to snatch my attention real quick so you should check that shit out, they did a shitton of AMAZING covers and to get their name out there more, street buskings its a lot but i swear its worth your time theyre so talented!!

also they have matching tracksuits what more could you ask for tbh (as you can see from that vid, they’re literally so fucking extra)

a few of my favs are

this rlly long busking video w girl group songs and just a bit of everything tbh,

THIS amazing remix/cover of kard’s don’t recall by the rap line + this one cute girl,

only THE most iconic playing w fire cover, band version, (I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THAT VIDEO HONESTLY I COULD MAKE A POST ON THAT COVER ALONE ISTG) 

their flashlight cover that is enough to make a grown man cry omfuckigngOD it makes me feel things hjskskkh

that ONE TAKE dance cover they did of 3 of taeyangs songs, all focusing on a different member of the dance line

im gonna stop here before i link every damn cover they made

okay so now that thats covered (bad-um-tss) time for…DEBUT

THIs beauty right here is their debut song cactus, which has this really deep meaning to it. bc they came from a small company so they have to work extra hard to even be able to debut let alone be successful and they’re like a cactus bc cacti grow in the desert where there’s very little water but they still manage to stand strong even through the hardest of weather an environment conditions and eventually sprout beautiful flowers,, buuuuuut its also a meme for obvious reasons.

tbh debut era choice culture was just listening to cactus on repeat for days bc it was their only song at the time skjslaas not much has changed tbh LMAO but yes theyre a very edm loving group so their DANCE SKILLS ARE ON POINT SERIOUSLY IVE SEEN FEW GROUPS AS AMAZING AT DANCING AS ACE WOWOW

oh yeah did i mention that their fandom name is choice and that choice are literally the softest fandom my multifandom ass has e v e r been in?? theres literally no cringy or toxic side of the fandom its just so soft and welcoming and pure and everyone is so nice and sweet and friendly and just??? wow i love choice a lot hjkskjsshkhk choice are also SUPER talented too stan talent stan choice

speaking of cringe ace is that group that just like skipped the entire “rlly cringy boygroup debut phase” completely like no weird debut haircuts or outfits or weird lyrics about girls, well actually thats all kinda objective but like they made those outfits work ok and im a cactus isnt that weird of a lyric if you know the deep meaning behind it

aS yOu CaN sEe, cactus era was the era of the tHIGHS and the hot pants. it was literally so iconic it blew up and with great reason too, have you seen those thighs?? AND THEY KNOW IT TOO they even mentioned they chose the hot pants as their style concept and took better care of their legs than their faces. true kings. heres a video of a.c.e talking about the whole hot pants thing and just their legs in general its some quality shit. and heres a video where they decide to show off just how great their thighs are bc they like to kill choices like that, this video is important and iconic bc its where the wowson ship began and also when they declared who the king of thighs were amongst the kings of thighs. definitely a necessary watch for new choice imo. donghun lowkey grinds on the floor at 4:04, you’ve been warned. honestly that video just gets progressively gayer lmao i love it

also for us international choice they made an ENGLISH cover of cactus CAN YOU BELIEVE IT I LOVE THEM SM they didnt have to but they did and oml stan a group who stans you back this hard their english aint that great but theyre trying and i appreciate it so much theyre so amazing look

five months later they dropped their second single, callin’, and b o y was this a stressful comeback, beat had us FOOLEd,, i genuinely thought it was gonna be a flowerboy soft concept yknow with like some sweet lowkey ballad or soft pop song, but nOOooOOOooo, MORE HARDSTYLE EDM not that im complaining callin is a bop but i was TRICKED

LOOK AT THIS SHIT ITS ALL AESTHETIC AND THE CLIP OF THE SONG WAS ALL SOFT I WAS REALLY EXPECTING SMTH SOFT im sorry im still salty that beat tricked me but ITS FINE bc callin is a HELLA BOP like i honestly didnt expect them to top cactus so quickly bc like cactus was hella but they DID and its amazing and heres the link be blessed (warning, these gifs above make it look like a soft vid but there are LOTS of flashing colours and lights and its really intense on the eyes if youre not comfortable with that dont watch, just listen)

they also supplied multiple dance pracs you can find on their channel for callin bc ace feeds us well, although callin had a reaaaally short promotion period bc right after they got thrown onto survival shows for more publicity, but hey, its working!! choice is growing bigger every day and im so proud

donghun, wow and jason all went on yg’s show mixnine, and jun and chan went on the idol rebooting show, the unit. both teams are doing EXTREMELY well on their respective shows!! but ill talk more about that in their individual member profiles bc they havent been put on the same team for anything yet rip

edit: mixnine finished and donghun and jason made the cut for the final group, sehyoon didn’t :(( so dongson will be promoting with the mixnine group for a lil bit!! also chan made it to the unit debut group but jun didnt. im hoping for a sehyjun subunit pls

that was long af but now im gonna dive into the members individually!! so its probs gonna get twice as long sorrynotsorry i warned you

Jun (Park Junhee)

jun is the so-called fiery leader of ace (also lead dancer and lead vocal) but is honestly just a giant dork and a sweetheart. hes the type of guy who you scream at for being dumb and call him an idiot but thats your weird way of expressing your undying love for him?? ask literally any jun stan, they’ll say they hate him. hate him for being so PERFECT like a fucking DISNEY PRINCE he’s the designated prince of the group you know theres always that one member and hes just so LOVEABLE and stupid and skjdakhkjs he fuckign dropped his cake on his birthday when do your faves ever. dad of the group, probably lost the maknaes in the shopping mall about 3 times already. talks a lot, hates aegyo, his members might be planning on sacrificing him to satan? he does on idol class with chan every…i think its wednesday and fans vote who gets punishments n stuff and jun loses every damn time i think hes losing his faith in choice lmao. #saveleaderjun

he’s kinda married to donghun, they’re the parents of ace but donghun might try murder him in his sleep idk man, but now hes on the unit with chan and theyre all cute and you can literally ship everyone with everyone in this group

he has HELLA charisma on stage tho oh my gOd also he has one of the most unique singing voices ive ever heard so its really easy to single out, his face also is the first i learned to tell apart?? he has rlly high cheekbones and a wide but thin smile.

this is actually an ot5 video not just jun but jun’s reaction was by far the most iconic so i have to put it in his section, get you a fave who can FLY lmaooo

it would be CRIMINAL if i didnt solo out jun’s ringa linga cover, thE MOST ICONIC JUN COVER EVER HJFKDSJKFDSJK if i ever stop talking about this assume im dead bc IVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT jun in a leather jacket looking all rude and staring at the camera like that im WEAK, SO WEAK, AAAAAAAAHHHH

[ahem] MOVING ON

Donghun (Lee Donghun)

donghun, sometimes romanised as donghoon and often referred to by choice as hun or hoon, is the oldest member of the group and another total sweetheart, honestly ace is just a group of sweethearts, he cares for his members so damn much and is super soft?? but ALSO A s Av Age he’s on mixnine with sehyoon and jason and he SHOT DOWN YG, once again I C O N I C, yg was at a loss for words, heres more receipts of him being savage, i love my sassy boyfriend. BUT HES ALSO A SWEET NOODLE HJKSHJKS oH and did you know that before he joined a.c.e he had no experience in dancing whatsoever and in a year and a half, he caught up with the other four members that have been dancing since they were kids?? I STAN TALENT YALL you’d literally never be able to guess that bc all of them are like on an equal dance level its insane

also he used to have braces during cactus era and it was the softest shit

[cOUGHS] so like did someone say disrespect,,, bc he can do that too,,,,, aAAAAAAAH the duality of this man istg

he’s the main vocalist and has vO C AL S OF AN A N GEL, he has so much soul and emotion in his voice, and has adlibs for days oh my god, he also has the MOST BEAUTIFUL FALSETTO i’ve ever heard, fight me, actually come at me. his voice works REALLY well with chan so they pair him up with him for quite a handful of covers like the all of me one i linked (one of my favs omfg it makes me emo) cause like, his soulful voice plus chan’s higher, sweet voice just sounds so great together i love our main vocals wow.

sPEAKING OF WOW,

Wow (Kim Sehyoon)

his stage name is wow, but its hard to take seriously so the fandom just calls him sehyoon lmfao. it used to be seyoon but when he went on mixnine, he revealed sehyoon was the official romanization so here we are lmao. even if your bias isn’t sehyoon…it’s sehyoon. he’s just that guy ya feel me?? anyways sehyoon is a relatively quiet and reserved guy, but his members really pull out the dork in him, i love it so much?? he doesn’t talk much but when he does all of a.c.e directs their full attention to him to listen, its really sweet, hes pretty awkward with people but you can tell he just feels so safe and comfortable with ace it honestly warms my heart. he’s the main rapper and main dancer, but!! our multitalented man is also a vocalist. yes, you heard, me, the main rapper can sing, and really well at that. (if you scroll up back to the flashlight and dont recall covers, you can see more of his voice.)

gets the least lines, but not by much. although hearing his singing voice in their actual songs has happened like with 2 lines?? so idk man im just waiting for their ballad song that theyre apparently doing for their third song, god im so ready. i love his voice a lot, damn.

he’s also like reeeeeeeeeally gay for jason…the entire fandom ships it and they even ship it themselves. wowson, the otp of ace, they honestly just cant keep their hands off eachother??? i know a friend who struggled to tell apart jun and jason so she just looked at who sehyoon was standing next to and instantly knew it was jason. THEYRE SO CLINGY. i love my squishy boyfriends. 

OHHH BOY…i really could’ve used an even more disrespectful gif than this but that would ruin the surprise of watching it in the actual video!! as you can see, sehyoon is the K I N G of disrespect on stage, that shy lil fluffle bean you see offstage?? GONE. DISAPPEARED. VANISHED. this is why his stage name is wow, sehyoon disappears and you just go wow. choice has dubbed him king of bodyrolls with great reason, he makes every concept into a sexy concept, he just has that intimidatingly sexy aura to him, its incredible. 

now…are you ready….i bet youre not…who am i kidding NOBODY was ready for this shit. on mixnine, sehyoon was picked as leader for one of their stages (i think he was leader for ringa linga too??) and got to choreograph the routine. if you think its already rude 10 seconds in, its all over for you bitches when the lighting goes yellow. i feel the need to repeat, our boy CHOREOGRAPHED THIS. IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA. EVERY. SINGLE. PART. this is the same kid who everyone on the show knew as the shy, quiet, handsome boy. but then. 

but then he did this.

Jason (Kim Byeongkwan)

jason is his stage name that he chose for himself but his real name is byeongkwan, its another case of an idol having a stage name and nobody calling them by it?? i mean most new choice call him jason and i personally switch between the two but most choice seem to call him byeongkwan or bk if theyre extra lazy lmao. memers call him byonk sometimes.

jason is the weird child of the group and we all love him…he’s the second lil ball of sunshine and part ½ of the maknae line. he’s often found clinging to sehyoon or literally any of the members bc he’s an affectionate son who loves cuddles okay?? p r o t e c t   h i m.

he’s also the lead everything. yeah thats really not fair but jason is op ok?? singing, rapping, dancing, visual, like sehyoon he’s the full package, i can hardly call them the rap line they’re just the op line t b h. triple threats.

on their official twt jason likes to confirm wowson a lot, its p great lololol he’s the biggest wowson shipper of all time. want more wowson? i gotchu, here’s one of my absolute fav moments. (ft. junchan/chun)

he has some HELLA CHARISMA on stage like boy can u pls chill. they also love doing his eye makeup with that red makeup and it looks rlly good bc bk has such pretty eagle eyes and its his Look™ and that along with his onstage persona is a DEADLY COMBINATION HDSJKSKSLKJS 

i’m just gonna keep this short; even if your bias isnt byeongkwan, your bias is byeongkwan. he has that affect on everybody. number one bias wrecker out of the fandom t b h apart from sehyoon (he cant be my bias wrecker if he is my bias so im safe :^J)

Chan (Kang Yuchan)

INTRODUCING OUR CHANSHINE, MAIN VOCAL OF ACE, CUTIE MAKNAE CHAN!!!! he always introduces himself as a.c.e’s main vocal cutie maknae chan, its his iconic line and it suits him so well like LOOK AT HIM ISNT HE JUST A FUCKING RAY OF SUNSHINE WHAT A PURE CHILD I MUST PROTECC he’s literally the happy virus y’all AND ACE KNOWS IT TOO heres this one time where donghun even said that looking at chan cheers him up. certified sunshines only, everyone. also watch that whole video its long but its worth your time.

anyways our boy is a main vocal and as mentioned in donghun’s part they harmonize!!! so!! well!! i mean tbh all of ace can harmonize with eachother its the most beautfiul thing but these two are main vocal for a reason okay. if you didn’t already watch it in donghun’s part listen to THIS and have your ears be blessed i cry everytime oh my god skdfhd ALSO THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT ITS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET i want to cry i lvoe chans voice so much i love chan i love kang yuchan og hmylhdg sodf i was gonna say i swear im sehyoon biased but im not istg ace is bias wrecking me 24/7 its been the hardest group to pick a bias in ever im not kidding i cant even

also known as kang RUDE, chan was all innocent sunshine and daisies until out of the blue he decided to give the disrespect king sehyoon a run for his fucking money. NOBODY FUCKING SAW IT COMING WE ALL THOUGHT HE WAS SO PURE AND THEN HE SUDDENLY STARTED FLASHING HIS ABS EVERYWHERE AND GRINDING ON THE FLOOR AND DOING THAT AND WE JUST CANT HANDLE IT i dont know a kang yuchan please save me oh my lord

okay this already has an ungodly amount of links and honestly i could go on, but this should be a good enough kickstart for you!!

stan talent stan a.c.e everyone. welcome to the choice family. its literally the softest and sweetest fandom out there. we welcome you with open arms and lots of cacti!!!

[rodrigohyde]

Everything You Need to Know About Spring Cleaning Your Closet

How to Spring Clean Your Closet

There is something about spring that always seems to inspire cleaning. As temperatures warm up after a long, dark winter spent inside with little opportunity to ventilate with open doors and windows, you might find yourself digging through layers of coats, scarves, and sweaters in your closet. While looking for those warm-weather essentials, you have probably said to yourself, “It's time to clean out this closet.”

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This means it’s the perfect time for a good spring cleaning. We talked to some experts who know a thing or two about how to get a closet organized and keep it that way. It’s not as difficult a task as you might think.

Start With a Plan

First things first: Don’t be too hard on yourself if you have accumulated a lot to deal with since the last time you cleaned out the closet). Not everything has to be tackled at once. California Closets design consultant Nicole Caswell recommends tackling one section at a time so the whole project isn’t overwhelming.

“The easiest way to to start the decluttering process is to really see what you’ve got. Go into the project knowing your end goal,” says Caswell. “Do you want to minimize your wardrobe, display your clothing, or organize your pieces by season? You will more likely achieve a well-organized closet if you are focused on a specific end result.”

“Avoid stress with a realistic goal,” San Francisco-based professional organizer Molly Cole of Cole + Co. tells us. “A lot of my clients tell me they feel like they make an even bigger mess when they try to organize their closets.” She advises that even if you only get rid of a couple of items, you’ll feel better about your project if you achieve what you initially set out to do. “Have a plan for the items you decided to part with [and] remember to give yourself time to make that run to [a donation center such as] Goodwill.”

Michael Dimopoulos of Lazy Susans Cleaning Service in New York City recommends taking the following into consideration before starting: “If I’m just seasonally rotating my wardrobe, I need to be clever about what stays and what goes, in the event that I need to find a particular item.”

Know Your  Personal Limits

“Our closets are extremely personal, and there is not a ‘one method fits all’ approach to reorganizing your belongings,” points out Caswell. “Some might want to toss out their items and save the bare minimum, while others may want to keep everything and maximize their storage space.”

“Any method that gets you past procrastination is the best one for you,” agrees Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, clothing resale app Mercari’s finance expert and founder of Ask The Money Coach. “[According to a recent Mercari study] Americans currently have an estimated $93 billion in unused stuff cluttering our homes … just take the first step!”

The KonMari Method is the organizing method du jour, but watch for variations on the theme. “It’s important to remember that nostalgia is not your friend,” says Cole. “Many people want to hold on to items, not because they have any practical use, but simply because it brings up memories” She encourages her clients to think about the actual memory an item is connected to. Does it bring up a happy memory or a sad one? “If it’s the latter, it’s probably time to let it go,” she says.

“KonMari is very popular, but I found that it wasn’t for me,” The Container Store’s closet buyer Jimmy Seifert says. “It’s extreme … We like to hold on to things that have meaning … It’s easy to get rid of something that you’ve been holding on for years if it doesn’t mean much to you.” He swears by the Japanese minimalism book titled “Goodbye Things,” wherein author Fumio Sasaki changes his life by getting rid of everything he doesn’t absolutely need. “That actually pushed me to go beyond my comfort zone.”

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Seifert recommends hiring a service, suggesting that some can even help with a move; purging, packing, and organizing as you leave one dwelling for another.

“It’s very important to give your space a once-over and remove items — especially big ones — that you want to get rid of before you start,” Cole says as a big believer in purging before organizing. “This clears up space and makes organizing much easier in the long run. I like to designate a space for those items outside the ‘organizing zone’ so you’re not stepping over anything or creating more clutter.”

Jordan Barnes, senior director of brand and communications at Mercari, likes to follow this rule of thumb: If you haven’t worn it or used it in a year, get rid of it. “Take a good look at all the stuff in your closet you’re no longer using,” she says. “Think about why you bought it. Maybe you moved to a new city with different weather. Maybe you upgraded to a newer phone. Maybe you just never got around to actually wearing those athletic shoes. You bought all that stuff for good reason [and] so will someone else.”

Maximize the Most Minimal Space

Even professional organizer Dimopoulos admits to feeling the limitations of space. “Living in New York City, unfortunately most of us don’t have much of a choice but to keep some things in off-site storage. You could vacuum-seal heavier items such as coats jackets, and bags, and stack them on top of one and other to maximize the space … or the lack of it.”  

Start by paying attention to how you fold. Cole recommends the KonMari folding method (check out YouTube for how-tos) for storing items vertically in drawers, maximizing space and accessibility. Sort clothes in the closet by type, then color. “Organizing is not just about clearing clutter; it’s also about making things aesthetically pleasing,” she points out. “I like to use this notion when organizing a closet, primarily because [it] tends to involve a lot of daily decision-making … which can cause stress and anxiety. If you wake up to a nicely organized closet, you’ll not only feel less stressed as you get dressed for work, but you’ll also feel a great sense of accomplishment when you get that daily reminder of the hard work you put in to organizing that space.”

The Container Store

“When I am done with everything, I then have the space to coordinate and organize T-shirts, hanging or folded together, long-sleeved T-shirts, sweaters, shirts, jeans, trousers, etc.,” Dimopoulos agrees. “Everything has room to breathe. The ability to see everything is important. I now feel lighter and cleansed and have a sense of being organized.”

Caswell likes utilizing boxes, jewelry drawers, slide-out pant racks, and cabinet doors to store, display, and organize clothing. “When everything has its place, clutter is eliminated,” she points out. “When hanging clothing, make sure to purchase higher quality hangers that are preferably all the same. By keeping hangers, boxes, and containers consistent, your closet looks instantly cleaner.”

Of course, as a buyer for The Container Store, Seifert isn’t short on storage ideas. “Basic shoe storage is probably the most common issue. We also have hangers for just about anything: wooden are best if you have the space, but we also have space-saving ones. Bins and storage boxes are next: I use bins for things that I wear often, keeping them lower in my closet so I can see them. Boxes go up high for seasonal stuff. We also recommend drawer dividers to keep like items together. We have plastic versions, as well as cedar to prevent pests [such as moths].”

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Seifert also shared his thoughts on plastic, both for its environmental impact, as well as whether it’s good for clothing storage. “It depends on what you’re storing,” he says. “We use the phrase ‘fur, feathers, and leathers.’ All of those things need to breathe. If they don’t, they can deteriorate or get moldy, so we recommend cotton storage for them. I wouldn’t put them in a box: Bins are best, or hangers. Cottons and synthetic materials are fine in plastic, though — I use clear plastic boxes for all my sweaters.

“As an alternative to plastic, we carry a brand of post-consumer fiberboard boxes from Sweden called Bigso,” he continues. “If you’re going to buy plastic, buy high-quality products that will last a long time and that don’t have to be replaced often because they crack and break easily. When you are done with them, they can be recycled.”

Donate, Sell, and Recycle the Rest

Still, now that your closet has been organized and styled, donate what you can’t sell to local charities. “It’s a good idea to review your items at least once a year,” says Caswell, “and if you don’t wear it, find it another home.”

Dimopoulos is a big believer in giving away clothes such as great sweaters, jackets, bags, and coats. “Luckily, I’ve always had someone in my life whose taste in clothes I admired … and who had the best brands that I couldn’t afford,” he says. “I love hand-me-downs. In fact, [over half] of my leather jackets, luxury brand bags, wallets, and coats are from upscale brands that I’d never buy at full retail.” Don’t be afraid to give things to friends and family that might not be as concerned that last season’s styles aren’t exactly “au courant.”

He even suggests doing what he does and always buying second-hand since, by his thinking, it means he saves more. “So yes, I ‘pay it forward’ by donating my excess wardrobe items.”

A quick survey of some of the larger “thrift” charities’ websites suggests that you can donate just about anything, from clothing, shoes, and boots to hats, gloves, and scarves, even some housewares and collectibles. Don’t donate things like personal care items and fragrance. The “Golden Rule” of thrifting applies here: Don’t donate to others that which you would not buy yourself (even if you’re not a second-hand shopper).

Toss or better yet, recycle pilled knits, clothing with holes, used swimsuits, underwear and socks … and anything that smells too bad to ever freshen up or that is badly stained. There are resources for clothing recycling such as Planet Aid which focuses on specific populous areas, TerraCycle which allows for bulk shipping of old textiles, and Earth911 which has an easy search feature that makes it quick and easy to find a drop-off location near you.

If you feel like taking the time, this is also the point at which your discipline may turn profitable. Apps and websites such as Let Go, Mercari, Grailed, Poshmark, The Real Real, even Amazon or the granddaddy of them all, eBay, may allow you to turn certain items back into cash. If you’re a real brand or label fan who has only worn your expensive things a few times or less, this has more potential than clothes or accessories that are in your regular rotation.

Khalfani-Cox suggests doing a quick search to see how much items similar to yours are selling for. That will help you decide whether it’s worth the effort to sell them or just make a donation. “For things you’d like to donate, bear in mind that, over the past few months, organizations like Goodwill say they’ve been overwhelmed due to the popularity of the KonMari tidying method,” she says.

A New Hope

Once those donations are made, Seifert recommends paring down shopping habits now that you’ve got room for a fresh start. “I find myself buying things that aren’t as trendy, focusing on more classic items that I can have for years if I take care of them,” he says. “I may have less, but what I do have is higher quality. I buy a lot more solid colors so I end up purchasing less all around. That’s a good next step.”

Spring is always a great season to whip that closet into shape and start the green season fresh. Remember, this is not reality TV: Do things at your own pace and set realistic goals. Ask an expert for advice, which could be an organized friend, a hired hand, or even just found within the pages of a book. Be sure to have a clear separation between the “toss pile,” and what you’re keeping.

If you live in a small space, and can afford it, don’t overlook off-site storage if that’s the best solution for you. The “spark joy” conversation may be one best saved for your therapist … even Martha Stewart admits to having a bit of a hoarding mentality. Once you’re done, remember to sell, give away, or donate your cast-offs to your favorite charity.

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