#i talked to a girl i used to have a crush on earlier this year the whole day and. hoo boy

[fifteensjukebox]

i sent vacation crush the pictures from the trip and thanked me n said he didn't even know i took most of them and i said im like google earth always takin pics (forgetting he has zero pop culture knowledge like. i know he was born during their time but i had to explain who the spice girls are? anw google earth is maybe funnier without knowing im quoting leslie knope) ANYWAY my point here was that he sent and deleted like a triple text of replies?? i think there was another thank you, sth else innocuous and one that started with "you're making" im what, making his day? to which i would've said him saying that made my day but it was gone when i clicked the notification

[htylmg]

last day of school was today. thinking many thoughts

[perlelune]

Lucky | Rafe Cameron

For years, you had a crush on your best friend, one he never returned. You thought he'd be happy to see you move on. You couldn't be more wrong.

Warnings: NON-CON, Kook!Reader, Jealousy, Angst, Pining, Toxicity

This is a dark story. Heed warnings before reading under the cut.

Your lips curl skyward as you scroll through your phone. As you read every message it’s hard to refrain from kicking your feet and giggling as if you were back in middle school. It’s how he makes you feel. Giddy. Wanted. It’s your first time experiencing such feelings and you’ve been perched on a fluffy cloud all afternoon. 

But remembering you aren’t alone, you try your best to keep a straight face. You’re in a bikini bottom and an oversized shirt by the Camerons’ pool. It’s a bright, sunny day, not a cloud in sight in the sky above Tannyhill.

The unforgiving, North Carolina heat has already melted the ice cubes in your drink. If it weren’t for the generous amounts of sunscreen you've applied earlier, you’d already be sunburnt from hours spent outside.

Rafe lifts his sunglasses from the edge of the pool, curiosity dancing in his blue eyes.

“You’ve been glued to your phone all afternoon, princess.”

You suppress your smile. Feigning nonchalance, you flip your phone down for good measure. 

“I have not.”

“Have too,” he counters, in the exact same way he used to utter those words when you argued back and forth as kids.

He hauls himself out of the pool. You’re graced with the sight of Rafe stepping out of the water, droplets glistening over his broad, toned chest, defined abs and thick, bulging arms. He’s been going especially hard at the gym since summer began. It shows. Your best friend now looks like a breathing, walking Abercrombie ad. You wouldn’t be surprised if the brand gave him a call soon. Not that you’d tell him that. No need to blow up Rafe Cameron’s over-inflated ego even more. 

As you watch him run his fingers through his drenched blonde locks, his golden ring glinting under the sunlight, pride flutters through you. Once upon a time, the sight of Rafe Cameron in nothing but his swim trunks would have had your heart racing and your entire body flush with shameful heat at how unbelievably attractive you found your best friend. 

That was before. When you still clung to the crush you harbored for him for years.

You and Rafe have basically known each other your whole lives.

Since kindergarten specifically.

Back then, you were heavily bullied...and Rafe was the worst of them. He would tug your hair, pull your chair out before you could sit so you’d crash on the floor and call you mean names while other children cheered him on. It only stopped when you had a crying fit in front of him one day. The five year old was stumped. He spent the rest of the year apologizing and bringing a variety of gifts to you. You forgot about the mean things he did and said easily, won over by his determination to make you forgive him. A peculiar friendship blossomed from that. The two of you have been inseparable since then. 

Years flew by.

Then one day Rafe came back to school walking and talking differently. He had filled out during summer break. He was broader, taller, his towering frame even allowing him to reach above your locker. All the girls noticed, including you. You started developing a little crush on him. One he never acknowledged.

He had a girl on his arm at every party, often disappearing with them upstairs. It wasn’t hard to guess what he was up to with those girls. For many years, you daydreamed about what it’d be like to be one of those girls. The girl that caught Rafe Cameron’s eye at a party. The one that would have his full, undivided attention. The one he’d flash a flirtatious grin at and undress with his gaze the entire night.

You wanted to be that girl more than you wanted to breathe.

He never treated you that way though. The two of you hung out all the time. You would play video games, smoke weed, drink the expensive Kentucky Bourbon he stole from his dad’s cabinet and talk about everything and nothing. 

He would always joke that you were like a sister to him. And based on the amount of time you spent at the Camerons house, you might as well be a long lost relative.

Getting over Rafe Cameron had been tantamount to an exorcism. Loving him was so embedded into your flesh, tattooed onto your soul. It was all you knew. Rafe, Rafe, Rafe…

He was everything you longed for. Until he wasn’t. 

It happened one year when you attended the Camerons’ new year’s eve party. You entered the living room and caught him making out with a gorgeous brunette on the balcony. As your heart broke, again, realization slipped through the crack. Pining for someone who doesn’t see you, never saw you, will lead you nowhere. Your suffering was of your own making…and you wanted to suffer no longer. Why fantasize about something that will never come? You’d rather look to the future. 

So you chose to move on.

As fireworks set the night sky above Tannyhill aflame, the last embers of your longing for Rafe Cameron flickered out. 

It’s how you wound up giving dating apps a try. Talking to guys in real life is nerve-wracking but online, you find it much easier. While most conversations you had fizzled out quickly… Garrett has been different. He’s never tried to pretend with you and has been nothing but sweet and inquisitive about your hobbies, hopes and dreams. You’ve talked to him for hours on the phone and he’s made you laugh and smile a countless number of times. As for the icing on the cake…He’s been clear about wanting more than a hookup. He even suggested the two of you should meet up in person soon.

“What got you smiling like that anyway?” Rafe says, tossing the towel around his neck.

“Nothing,” you reply with a shrug.

“If it’s nothing, you can show me.”

He tries to swipe your phone but you’re faster. You rise from your chair and pick it up before he can take it.

His eyes narrow.

“I thought we had no secret for each other,” he says, an accusation laced in his tone. He’s never liked you keeping things from him, no matter how small or insignificant.

“We don’t.”

He gives a slow nod. Then he smiles. And you suppose it should have been your warning, that you should have seen it coming. But you don’t see anything coming. His hand shoots out and he shoves you aside. 

He plucks your phone from you like it’s nothing, using his height to keep it out of reach.

“Rafe! Give me my phone back,” you urge.

He makes no effort to abide by your request, glowering at the screen while scrolling.

“Who the hell is Garrett?”

“J-Just a guy I started talking to on this app...” Your voice dwindles as you cower under Rafe's hard gaze.

Disgust scrunches his handsome face.

“I thought you deleted those dating apps. We talked about this.”

You did talk about it. After a dispiriting streak of bad luck on these apps, he wheedled you to delete all of them. Rafe said all the guys on these apps wanted was to use you for a quick, meaningless fuck. That you were too gullible and would just be taken advantage of. He said that you deserved better and the right guy would come along eventually. You found yourself believing him. A lot of time, you ended up ghosted or the guys failed to show up anyways. It made you question what is so repulsive about you that made guys steer clear.

“I wanted to try again.”

“Well Garrett’s a douchebag name. I don’t like him for you.” He snickers. “Look at that. He’s playing you and his game isn’t even good. You’re really falling for this corny shit, princess?”

He starts reading some of the compliments Garrett paid you aloud, drawing a round of guffaws from Kelce and Topper. 

Your cheeks come ablaze.

“Now you’re just being mean,” you lament, using a lapse of distraction to retrieve your phone.

Gulping the tears threatening to spill, you rush back inside. Kelce’s taunting voice echoes behind you.

“Guess that one got past you, huh, Rafe?” 

“Shut your mouth, bro,” Rafe snaps angrily. 

You lean on the counter and gather your breath. The tears subside. You remind yourself that this is just how Rafe can be. Callous. Inconsiderate. 

It’s not who he really is. 

It’s just a bit hard to recall when he has those moments. Those aggressively insensitive moments. 

You open the fridge and grab a cool drink. Your throat is parched and you could use one.

When you pivot, you nearly spill the can.

Rafe’s towering frame impedes your path.

“You scared me, Rafe,” you say, unleashing a tremulous exhale.

He studies you, concern glimmering in his ocean gaze.

“I wasn’t trying to make you cry, I swear.” He shrugs and scratches the back of his neck. “I just meant he sounds like an asshole.”

“You’re an asshole,” you say, bumping into his arm as you sidle past him. 

His brows draw together. He isn’t used to you addressing him that way. With anything other than sweetness dripping from your tongue. 

You can tell he’s reeling at that alone. Getting the tiniest taste of his own medicine…from you of all people.

He approaches you as you swallow a sip of your drink. 

“Ouch. I’m just looking out for you, princess.” His fingers slot beneath your chin. “You know that’s all I ever try to do, right?”

He flashes you a charming smile. That smile you could never resist. It used to be your Achilles’ heel. Despite your changing feelings, Rafe still possesses the uncanny ability to make you forget why you were even mad at him in the first place. Like right now.

Your shoulders sag.

“I know.”

Blue eyes dive into yours. 

“I want to meet him.”

You retreat, your brows knitting. 

“Meet him, why?”

“I want to make sure he’s good enough for you.”

“I can decide that myself.”

He snorts, his focus darting away before returning to you.

“You’ve never known what’s good for you.” You flinch. “I can’t believe you didn’t even tell me you were talking to someone. I tell you everything. Shit, guess I’m an idiot, huh?” His jaw clenches. “...Cause I thought you did too.”

You inch closer to him and wrap your fingers around his forearm. 

“Rafe, I’m sorry, okay.” You gnaw on your bottom lip. “It’s just that…”

“Just that what?”

You pause, mulling over how to best word what you mean to say. 

Your voice comes out a bashful whisper, your eyes clinging to the floor. 

“Every time I’ve told you I liked a guy, it’s never worked out for some reason. It’s probably my fault but…I just didn’t want to jinx it this time.” You nervously swing your gaze back to him. “I figured if I keep it to myself I don’t have to get my hopes up.” You can’t quell the smile that fights its way onto your lips. “Garrett and I are just seeing where it goes right now. So…things are good.”

“Oh, it’s Garrett and I, now?” he sneers.

“Rafe, don’t be like this,” you beseech, squeezing his arm. “You’ll always be my best friend; you know that.” You shift in your spot, your tone pitching with hope as you ask, “Can’t you just be happy for me?”

He stares at you a long time, so long that his eyes on you grow unnerving. After a while, he releases a deep exhale. 

Ignoring your question, he steps back from you.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” he announces. 

“Rafe?”

You never get a response, his form vanishing down the hallway. A sigh ripples through your lips as you lean against the counter. Why is he being so difficult about this? It’s not like you’re not seeing him with a new girl every other week. You never batted an eyelash. You even encouraged him to seriously date some of them, the ones who seemed to sincerely like him and reminded you of yourself back in the day. 

You’ve always cheered him on no matter what. So it baffles you that he can’t return the favor. Crushes you even.

For the rest of the week, you don’t hear much from Rafe. He pretty much ignores you and even leaves you on read after you send him a string of pleading messages, which is your cue that you wounded his feelings somehow. You surmise Rafe isn’t used to your attention veering towards someone else. Perhaps he’s miffed at the prospect that getting a boyfriend means you won’t hang out as much anymore, that he’ll have to share you. Your friendship’s been a fixture in both of your lives for so many years. The one unwavering, steadfast foundation nothing could topple. Whatever occured in his life or yours, you’ve always had each other.

Change can be scary. 

But you don’t plan on neglecting the bond you have with Rafe just because you’re dating someone. He’ll always be in your life. He’ll always matter to you. It's what you meant to tell him. What you would tell him if only he bothered replying to your texts or answering your calls. 

Rafe has always teased you for bartending at the Island Club. In his eyes, you’re much too Kook for what he calls a ‘Pogue job’. But you enjoy it. There is a certain comfort in having things you earned through your own hard work and not your parents’ money.

…Though you can’t deny you might not have landed this position if not for your dad’s close friendship with the owner of the private club. You’re also painfully aware you don’t get yelled at or scolded for making mistakes as much as other employees. 

And on days like today, after you end your shift, Rafe has never failed to pick you up in his Jeep. 

He’s never missed a day. Which is why you wear a dumbfounded expression as you note the glaring absence of the familiar black car in front of the country club. It takes you a while to accept and realize the cold, hard truth. Rafe isn’t coming to pick you up today. 

It’s not the end of the world, of course. But it still makes your heart ache that he’d ditch like that without so much as an apology or heads-up. You feel kicked in the gut. 

You try to call him but it goes straight to voicemail. Resigned, you resort to calling for back-up. 

Sarah shows up in her truck with a bright smile. 

“Get in loser, we’re going shopping,” she quips, winking at you.

You climb inside the passenger seat. 

“Thanks for coming, S.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Since the oldest of the Camerons is currently denying your very existence, you figured you might as well call the Kook Princess herself to the rescue. His sister, Sarah Cameron. 

“I brought snacks so I better get a five-star review,” she jests, wiggling her eyebrows. She tosses you a bag of M&M’s that you gleefully tear open. “Doesn’t Rafe usually pick you up after work?”

The sugar melting on your tongue sweetens the bitter taste of abandonment.

“Well, he’s sulking, so…” you mumble around a mouthful of candy.

“Sulking?” Shock colors her tone. “I don’t think there’s anything you could do to make my brother mad. You’re like the only person he’s not a complete jerk around.”

“Well, he was one last time we talked.”

Sarah arches a puzzled brow.

You sigh and explain, “I started dating someone…Actually, we’re still at the talking stage, but…I didn’t tell him.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything,” she dismisses cryptically.

Her peculiar tone peeves you.

“I’m not gonna forget, Sarah.”

Her shoulders rise and fall.

“It’s not my place to say. It’s between you and Rafe.” She throws you a cautious glance, marking a brief pause before inquiring, “You’re not still in love with my brother, are you?”

Heat creeps inside your cheeks.

“I was n-never in love with Rafe,” you stammer. Inwards, you’re screaming. Was it that obvious at the time?

Sarah’s plump lips quirk in a lopsided smile.

“Sure.” 

Gratitude fills you. You’d rather leave this can of worms permanently closed. Lid tightly sealed and all. And the can tossed at the bottom of a lake. It’s embarrassing enough that you mooned over Rafe for as long as you did.

At least you find comfort in the fact that you’re over him now.

“You mind if we stop for ice cream on the way?” Sarah asks, adjusting her rearview mirror.

“No. I could go for one myself. This heat is killing me.”

“Cool.”

For the rest of the week, Rafe continues to dole out the silent treatment. You allow his childish antics to chafe you to a point. Then you elect to not let it bother you anymore. He can throw a tantrum if he wishes. You’ve done nothing wrong and you’re growing weary of being treated like you have. 

For over fifteen years, you’ve been a great friend to Rafe, listening to him rant whenever he needed an ear, making time for him whenever he requested it. The fact he’s being a dick right now is staggering. 

He frankly has no right.

After everything the two of you have been through, you hoped for more from him. While you’re aware he can be a jackass, you thought it was different when it came to you. That you were different. You suppose you were wrong. 

Friday comes around and with it arrives the excitement of the plans you have for the night. Garrett asked you out on a date at a fancy seafood restaurant. It’ll be your first time meeting him in person. You’ve been looking forward to it the entire week.

As you’re putting the final touches to your makeup in front of the vanity mirror, your phone flashes with a request for a facetime call. 

You swipe towards the green icon to accept the call. 

Rafe’s face fills your screen. 

“Hey, princess. I thought we could talk-”

“I’m kind of busy right now. Rain check tomorrow?” 

“Busy doing what?” He squints, seeming to register your attire. A brand new sundress you purchased with your tips from the Island Club. You paired it with wedge heels. You also switched your hairstyle to something more sophisticated for the night. “W-What the hell are you wearing? Where are you even going dressed like that?”

You heave out a deep sigh.

“Good night, Rafe.”

You tap the screen to end the call.

A rush of power floods your insides. You hung up on him. This is your first time doing that, hanging up on Rafe Cameron himself. 

Still, a sliver of guilt lingers alongside your pride. You quell it swiftly. You can’t be at his beck and call your entire life. Tonight’s about you. For once, you’d like to put your needs before Rafe’s.

Garrett comes to your house some time later. He has flowers in his arms. You soak in their scent for a few minutes. No one’s ever given you flowers before. It makes you feel special.

As he opens the door of his truck for you, he whistles in admiration.

“Wow,” he says, his gaze dragging over your frame.

Your skin warms at the attention, the kind you aren’t used to receiving. 

Fiddling with the flowy sleeve of your sundress, you inquire, “Am I what you expected?”

A besotted smile spreads on his lips.

“You’re even more beautiful in person.”

“Thank you.” 

You peer at him. His pictures don’t do him justice.

“You look very handsome. I like your shirt.”

His cheeks redden at your praise. 

You get inside his car. The two of you exchange casual chatter on the way to the restaurant. You’re amazed at how easy talking to him is. You’re a little shy but his clear interest in you helps you slowly climb out of your shell. 

Once you arrive at the restaurant, you’re escorted to your table. The light conversation resumes its flow, the two of you growing even more comfortable with each other. You like how intently he listens to you, even if his intense eye contact makes you wrestle the urge to look away. You nibble your lip as you peruse the menu. Mirth sways in Garett’s brown orbs when your stomach growls. You mumble an apology under your breath and he beams at you. You’ve been so anxious about the date for the whole day, you’ve forgotten to eat. 

A familiar voice erupts from behind you. 

“Well, look who it is. What a coincidence.”

You whirl, a gasp bursting from your throat.

“Rafe? What are you doing here?”

He stands besides you and Garrett’s table, his arm slung around a gorgeous redhead’s shoulders. It occurs to you haven’t seen him with that one before. Though you reckon Rafe rarely does repeat encounters. 

What shocks you more however is his very presence here. Of all places, Rafe and the girl he’s with could have been tonight, it has to be the exact same location of your first date with Garrett. 

What are the odds? 

However, you recall that with the assistance of the friend-finding app both you and Rafe have on your phones in case of emergencies, figuring out your whereabouts would be about the easiest thing.

Would Rafe go that far just because you wouldn’t yield to his whims one time? Would he truly be that selfish?

The shit-eating grin unfurling on his face answers all your questions.

“Well, I heard this was a good spot so I thought…” Rafe’s brows furrow as he waves his hand before the girl’s face, appearing to struggle remembering her name. 

“Jessica,” she finishes for him, disappointment decorating her pretty features.

He beams at her.

“Right. I thought that Jessica and I could check it out.”

He plops down next to you, forcing you to make space for him on the upholstered booth seat. Meanwhile his date sits next to Garrett. 

“You mind, princess?”

Awkwardness fills the air. The heavy tension sits on your throat as Rafe makes himself more comfortable, going as far as spreading his legs.

You scold him with your gaze, all but spelling out ‘Yes, I do mind indeed’.

You clear your throat and shift your stance, resenting how every tiny motion has your thigh grazing against his.

“Actually I…We’re kind of on a date, Rafe.”

He places his arm on the wooden edge above your head, his smile expanding.

“So are we. So why not double date?”

“I don’t mind,” Garrett offers as he takes in your concerned expression. “You two…know each other, right?”

You open your mouth to speak but before words can pour from it, Rafe wraps his arm around you.

“Best friends. She and I go way back. Isn’t that right, princess?”

His intense blue eyes settle on you. You swallow the lump in your throat. Anger can’t begin to describe how upset you are with Rafe right now for crashing your date, but you also don’t want to cause a scene, make things even worse than they already are. 

So you force a smile on your lips and nod.

“Y-Yeah, we do.”

Throughout the night, Rafe’s presence causes the date’s slow descent into a nightmare. Every time Garrett tries to strike up a conversation with you, Rafe interjects, his comments toeing the line between innocently inconsiderate and outright rude. He never lets the two of you have a moment, interrupting whenever Garrett looks at you for more than half a second. You grow weary of his antics. So does Rafe’s date. You can see the pretty redhead in front of him growing frustrated as he treats her as if she were a potted plant.

She ends up leaving the table to go to the bathroom but never returns. It doesn’t shock you. If someone inflicted upon you what Rafe has to the poor girl the entire night, you might take your leave as well.

By the time dessert comes, you’re on the cusp of tears. This is not how you envisioned your night going. 

The awfulness doesn’t stop there.

When it’s time to part ways, Garrett finds his truck in an unfortunate state. 

He curses under his breath as he hunkers down in front of his car. 

“Some punk sliced my tires.”

In the back, Rafe shakes his head.

“Damn, tough luck. Guess I’ll have to drive you home, princess.”

You scowl at Rafe before placing a hand on Garrett’s arm. He’s already on his phone to contact someone to help move his truck.

“I could wait with you,” you say softly. 

“It’s fine,” he replies. “Just go home. We’ll text, okay?”

Your tone turns contrite. “Okay. I’m so sorry… about everything.”

“Don’t worry about it. I still had a good time.”

“Me too.”

Despite his assurance, you aren’t too hopeful he’ll want to see you again. You know this wasn’t what he had in mind for the night. And neither did you. 

You reluctantly trail behind Rafe, looking daggers at him when he opens the door of his black Volvo for you. 

Not an ounce of guilt lurks on his handsome face, which tosses more fuel on the flames of your ire. 

You don’t utter a word, almost too angry to speak. The last shred of your patience fizzled out in the restaurant, as your so-called best friend basked in your misery, getting a kick out of making a mockery of your night.

If you talk, it won’t be to have a calm, level-headed conversation with Rafe. It’ll be to spew venom at him.

As he parks into the driveway of your house, he lets go of the steering wheel and says, “You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”

You draw a long, slow breath.

“You think?” you snap icily. You jump out of the truck and slam the door closed.

Rafe follows you to your doorstep. You fumble with the lock. Your fingers quiver so much, you can’t even open the door. After a few unsuccessful tries jamming the keys inside the lock, Rafe takes them from you. He opens the door and you stomp inside. 

You toss your clutch on a nearby table and whirl. 

“What the hell, Rafe?” you shout. “You embarrassed me!”

His shoulders lift and slump.

“Well, you shouldn’t have been there to begin with.”

Disbelief rounds your gaze. “What?”

“You heard me. You shouldn’t have been on a date with him.”

Folding your arms, you scoff, “Right. Why is that?”

Rafe inches closer to you, his eyes locking with yours.

“Because you should have been on a date with me instead.”

A weary exhale drops from your chest. Rafe’s declared many things while hammered but this one takes the cake.

“I think you’re drunk,” you dismiss. “You need to go home, Rafe.”

Rafe’s jaw ticks.

“My mind is perfectly clear, okay? If you’ll just listen to me-”

“Go home, Rafe.”

You nearly turn your back on him but Rafe’s sturdy hand fastens around your arm, yanking you back.

He takes a long pause, drinking you in.

Rafe takes a deep breath before confessing, “I love you. I’ve always loved you.” His throat bobs as he adds, “And I know you love me too.”

Your mouth tumbles open, shock snatching the very air from your lungs. You stare at Rafe. Perhaps you heard him wrong. In your wrath, his words may have landed in your ears a little warped.

But as you get lost in his sea gaze, the truth sinks into you. He is serious. Very serious.

A war of conflicting emotions breaks out inside you. For years, you longed to hear those words. But not like this. And the insinuation that he knew how you felt…That he let you suffer in silence while gallivanting around with those girls.

A fast surge of tears blurs your gaze.

“You knew?”

He cradles your face.

“I’ve always known.”

A shudder wracks through your frame.

“So w-why did you never say anything?”

“I figured you’d wait for me, that I could just have some fun. That it wasn’t a big deal.”

Ice fills your blood. Your tone becomes clipped, detached.

“I want you to leave.”

His hold on you doesn’t loosen, his cheek pulsing in frustration.

“Really? I tell you I love you after all this time and this is your response?”

“I haven’t had those feelings for you in years, Rafe. And right now…I don’t even like you as a person.” Rafe bristles at your blunt words, looking like you slapped him. Your mouth wobbles as you say, “You’re not who I thought you were. I want you out of my house and out of my life.”

Something shifts in his blue eyes. The air around you drops a few degrees as he pushes you further inside the room. Desperation lurks in his deep timbre.

“Come on, we can talk about this, princess.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Dread escalates within you when he doesn’t move. You’re hit with the daunting realization that you’re alone with Rafe, your parents away on a trip right now. Usually being alone with him wouldn’t have fazed you, may have ensconced you in a sense of security and comfort even. Not tonight. Tonight, you don’t recognize the Rafe standing in front of you. Your voice trickles out small and shaky. “R-Rafe, get out, I’m serious.”

His expression hardens. He shoves you into a nearby wall. You gasp as pain prickles along your back.

“Just admit that you love me too,” he roars. 

“I don’t,” you whimper as water brims under your lashes.

This propels him to the brink. There’s no time to process anything, Rafe hoisting you with ease. As he takes long, determined strides to your bedroom, your fear grows. He hurls your body into the bed. He fiddles with the buttons of his khaki pants until they come loose. A scream builds inside your throat, refusing to break past your lips as you linger in bewilderment. Rafe isn’t doing what you think he’s doing…what he’s preparing to do. There's no way. He wouldn’t.

Stupor girdles your motions. For a while, you gape at Rafe. As he approaches the bed, adrenaline rushes through you. You remember how to move.

But it’s for naught. Rafe is quicker than you, catching you when you rise and slamming you back on the sheets. He crawls over you. His blue gaze glimmers strangely in the darkness. Streaks of moonlight pour between your half-draw curtains, casting ominous shadows over his broad frame.

He cages you beneath him, shushing you as you croak out pleas for him to stop.

“I know you’re lying,” he rasps, scattering sloppy kisses alongside your neck.

He yanks down your dress and your breath hitches. 

“I’m not. I don’t-” Words wither on your tongue as he flicks his thumb over your nipple, his other hand patting underneath your dress. “I-I don’t love you anymore, Rafe.”

“I don’t believe you.”

His fist curls around the vee part of your thin lace panties, tugging roughly enough to tear the delicate material. You squeal as the lace dents your flesh when it rips.

Your heart bounces. You push against Rafe’s chest with newfound urgency.

“Rafe, stop.”

He snatches both of your wrists and traps them above your head. Helplessness chokes your airways as he pokes lightly at your entrance. He slides one finger between your walls and you keen, breath faltering at the abrupt intrusion. His lewd gaze remains trained on you as you squirm beneath him.

“Why do you keep lying, huh?” he accuses, forcing a moan from your throat when he curls his digit inside you. When your eyes squeeze shut in denial, he lets go of your wrist to frame your jaw.

A sob spills from your throat, your eyes flying open.

“Nah…I want you to look at me, princess,” he orders, jerking your head up so your gazes lock. You choke on your breath when he shoves a second finger inside you. He slowly drags his fingers in and out of you. Heat gathers in your core. You writhe against the sheets, resisting the urge to buck your hips to seek more of the friction. He grazes a uniquely sensitive spot and your lids quake, a soft whimper flying from your mouth. You clench around Rafe’s fingers and he unleashes a sigh of pleasure as you grip him. You feel him harden against you. Your stomach knots at the pressure. His eyes are glued to you, soaking every minute shift of expression while he pumps his fingers inside you. 

“I know you never stopped loving me,” he whispers, the alcohol on his breath seeping through your senses. “Think I don’t see the way you look at me?”

As you near your undoing, he removes his fingers. You sag against the sheets. The sudden emptiness leaves you with a mix of emotions you’re too ashamed to admit.

He presses his thick tip against your dripping entrance, gathering your arousal when he runs it along your folds. He pushes in slowly, his eyes rolling back at the sensation of your velvety warmth welcoming him. You tense at the intrusion. Your fingers curl into the sheets. Rafe’s broad frame covers yours, his forehead resting against yours as he whispers, “Say you love me.”

When you don’t reply, he slams his cock inside you in one swift stroke. Your back curves, a quiet scream ripping from your throat. Your chest lifts and falls rapidly as Rafe’s thick girth fills you up completely. 

He begins moving inside you, his pace relentless and unforgiving. While his length is splitting you apart, it’s hard to deny the warm tingles pulsing through your core, joining the pain in devious harmony. 

You go limp on the bed, his thick cock stretching you more than ever before. Every time he grazes your sweet spots, you spiral further down, your thoughts melting in the flames consuming your body.

“Say it,” he grunts, his warm breath fanning over your face. 

His bulging muscles coil beneath his clothes from the force he exerts to shove all of himself inside you. Heavy breaths drop from Rafe’s chest as your walls squeeze around him. Drenched locks of his dirty blond hair cling to his forehead, beads of sweat collecting between his furrowed brows and dripping to your parted lips. 

When you remain silent, Rafe’s large hand wraps around your throat, his tone more firm and menacing than before as he snarls, “Say that you love me, princess.”

His fingers crush your windpipe until you give in.

You can barely eke the words out, every harsh snap of Rafe’s hips into yours filling your vision with stars.

“I l-love you, Rafe.” 

The words ache as they part from your throat. A bitter truth you buried long ago, beneath thick layers of heartbreak and denial. One you hoped would never crawl its way back to the surface. One that hurts even more now, shatters you as it leaves your lips. Because you can’t tell if Rafe forced it out of you or if it was there all along. Perhaps it never left you. Perhaps, even after all your attempts to purge Rafe Cameron from your flesh and soul, even after he’s done the unthinkable to you…Part of you may still love Rafe, may always love Rafe.

As you grow overwhelmed with warring emotions, his cock still viciously ramming into you, you don’t know who you hate more. Him. Or yourself.

Salty streams spill down your cheeks. 

Rafe kisses them away, gently cupping your cheek while thrusting roughly into your cunt. His other hand explores your curves, clutching your flesh possessively. You can already feel bruises forming beneath his rough, insatiable touch. His eyes find yours, a possessive glint swaying in his intense blue gaze.

“Of course you do.” His lips stretch in a smug smile. “You’ve always been mine, princess, you just didn’t know it yet.”

[sun4r1nnity]

a star that outshines

fem!reader x second year!miya osamu

oneshot, fluff

“Miya twins are amazing, aren’t they?”

“Undeniably, yeah.”

“They are truly monsters on the court.”

An ocean of compliments about the Miya twins drowns the whole atmosphere, the talented and skillful brothers who have made their names in the volleyball industry. You mentally agree with each of the positive comments about the brothers, while your eyes are locked onto the specific grey-haired twin, Miya Osamu.

Yeah, you have a crush on THE Miya Osamu.

You like him so much that you started going to their practice matches almost every day like everyone else, just to see him play. The sound of the ball hitting the court, the squeak of sneakers, and the cheers of the crowd become the soundtrack of your afternoons. The smell and sweat and the sight of his focused expression make your heart race.

You like him so much that you intentionally leave at the same time he leaves his dorm just so you can walk near him. And it works, because you always coincidentally walk behind him and his friends, listening to whatever they are talking about. The scent of his cologne lingers in the air, a subtle reminder of his presence.

You like him so much that you started visiting your best friend, Hikari, in Class 1, just hoping to see him and wishing that he would notice you too. The anticipation of possibly seeing him makes your heart race every time you walk into the classroom.

You like him so much that when you accidentally learned his favorite food, you started liking what he likes too. The taste of his favorite dish becomes a bittersweet experience, a connection to him that he doesn’t even know exists.

You like him so much that you wrote love letters, but they were never sent to him. Because you’re afraid.

Afraid to face the fact that he will most definitely reject you.

Because he’s Miya Osamu, whose fame is at the top of the school alongside his twin Miya Atsumu, and of course, they have a bunch of pretty girls lined up to be their girlfriends.

So one night in your dorm, you asked your best friend.

“Am I being a creep?”

She raised her eyebrows, eyes still glued to her phone with a lollipop in her mouth.

“Not really, why?”

“I think I’m being a creep,” you huffed out a sigh.

“Why would ya think that? 'S not like ya peep him in the bathroom or send him ya unwashed panties—”

“I reeeally don’t like your use of examples.”

“Well, 'kay, listen, it’s totally normal when yer in love! And as long as ya don’t do anything stupidly crazy, yer safe as hell,” she continues as she sits up and stares down at you.

You hum, staring at the ceiling blankly as your friend continues to scroll through her social media. You think, you have no chance with Miya Osamu. Well, it’s just a crush, you’ll get over him eventually. So that’s when you decide, you have to stop chasing someone who is way out of your league.

And you did. You stopped going to his practice matches, you stopped visiting your best friend so often, you even stopped coincidentally walking near him to school. You avoided him every chance you got, until after a few days it became too obvious. So why, when your best friend has her earphones plugged in, while the teacher is unavailable for class, does Miya Osamu walk up to her and say,

“Hey, uh, been meanin’ to ask,”

Your friend looks up at him with a raised eyebrow as she takes off her earphones.

“Why haven’t I seen ya cute friend lately? Y’know, the one that always comes ta’ hang out with ya?”

And it makes her eyes widen.

Not long after that, she immediately bombs your phone with a whole lotta texts.

hikari🤍

hey

holy shit

omfg

yo

MIYA LIKES YOU TOO

answer me dammit!!!!

YOOO

miya fuckinf osamu LIKES U TOO

OPEN YOUR PHONE

You should have made a move earlier, Osamu,” Suna said, his voice slightly muffled by the jelly stick in his mouth. He glanced up from his phone, his eyes glinting with a mix of amusement and curiosity.

Osamu shrugged as he sank into his chair, the cool metal frame pressing against his back. The faint hum of the gym’s fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, mingling with the distant echoes of volleyballs being spiked and sneakers squeaking on the polished floor.

Little did you know, Osamu had always noticed you from the crowd. He noticed how your eyes would light up during matches, how you would nervously tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. He noticed the way you always seemed to arrive at school just as he did, your steps quickening when you saw him. He noticed everything about you—your smile that could brighten the dullest day, your infectious laughter, your favorite snacks that you always had in your bag.

But you didn’t know that. You didn’t know that he knew about your big, fat crush on him. You didn’t dare to even strike up a conversation with him, always too shy to make the first move. So when he stopped seeing your presence in the crowd, his heart ached with a longing he couldn’t quite understand. That’s when he finally mustered the courage to ask your friend about you.

“Did you ask for her number?” Suna asked, his tone casual but his eyes sharp with interest.

Osamu smiled, a soft, almost shy smile that reached his eyes. He nodded, his fingers tracing the edges of his phone. “(Y/N)⭐️” was saved in his contacts, the star symbol a small but significant detail that made his heart flutter.

Will you be surprised if you received a message?

[keerysfreckles]

cookies — luke castellan

pairing: luke castellan x hephaestus fem!reader

summary: in which luke finds y/n, in order to tell her something he's been meaning to for the past two years

warnings: use of y/n and she/her pronouns, i think thats it ??? making out/kissing

a/n: I FINISHED TLT TODAY- idc if luke is evil (if evil why pookie)

꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱

y/n l/n thought her life at camp half-blood would've felt like a fairy tale. two years later, she was deeply misguided.

the camp experience itself wasn't bad. she loved meeting the new campers, and bonding with her cabin mates, and seeing luke from time to time.

but even when she got claimed by her father, hephaestus, y/n still felt like a square trying to fit in a triangle hole. hephaestus was the god of forge. fire. craft. creation.

when y/n first arrived to camp, she met luke. he didn't know why, but out of all the campers in hermes cabin, he felt as though he needed to protect y/n the most.

two and a half weeks after meeting luke, y/n had been claimed by her father. the boy was sad to see her leave, but glad as well, due to her being claimed to a new cabin.

as soon as y/n and chiron entered the doors of hephaestus cabin, the duo was met with seven boys. five of them were around the same age as the girl, and the other two looked no older than ten.

this made y/n feel even more out of place. yes, they all made her feel at home, and they still do. y/n just can't help but feel isolated.

less than a week after y/n was claimed, she unfortunately found out forging wasn't the exact type of creation she was skilled at. she tried pottery, metalwork, jewelry making, and even knitting. the girl was crushed when none of the activies suited her.

until one afternoon, she was in the kitchen after helping bring in dirty dishes from lunch. a few ingredients caught her eye, and she instantly started bringing them together and made something delicious. chiron soon came inside, and was both surprised and pleased y/n had found her activity. cooking.

this leads y/n to where she is right now. the camp kitchen. ever since the fateful day she discovered her gift, she rarely ever left the kitchen. y/n was considered the new cook of camp, and she enjoyed everything about it.

recently, the girl has taken baking into her small circle of talents. which explains why all day y/n has been baking cookies for tomorrow. it was percy's birthday, and annabeth asked her to make blue chocolate chip cookies for him, one of percy's favorite foods. she had to make enough for the whole camp. almost one hundred cookies were already baked and cooled, and she had one hundred more to go.

annabeth kept checking on y/n every so often, to see her progress (and to make sure she took breaks and to not overwork herself). two times the younger girl came in the kitchen, her and y/n talked for a bit. y/n kept teasing annabeth at all the staring she'd been doing towards percy lately. to be fair, it was annabeth's idea to have the cookies for percy's birthday, so y/n knew something had to be going on between the two tweens.

y/n doesn't notice the person who had entered the kitchen. she heard footsteps, so she guessed it was annabeth.

luke stood in the doorway of the kitchen. he took a moment to admire the girl in front of him. y/n stood behind the kitchen island, with a metal bowl, a baking sheet, and other multiple baking utensils layed out over the countertop. luke could smell a batch of cookies in the oven at the right of the kitchen, along with the fresh ones all placed on the counters behind y/n.

luke finally knocks on the door, making y/n look up from rolling balls of cookie dough. a smile was quick to fill her features, "hi luke."

luke walked over towards her, leaning on the island, standing across from her.

"how are percy's birthday cookies coming along?" he asks, seeing the girl still at work.

y/n nods, "they're going," she laughs, "that's for sure."

"i was looking for you earlier," luke admits, as he continues to watch y/n at work.

looking up from her blue stained hands, y/n sees a small blush covering luke's cheeks. "oh yeah?"

it's luke's turn to nod, "yeah, but the hephaestus boys said you'd be in here."

y/n chuckles, before the two sit in a comfortable silence for no less than a minute.

"did you need me for something?" y/n asks, as she takes two baking sheets to the oven. luke only laughs while watching y/n open the oven with her foot, as her hands were full.

"i just wanted to come check on you," luke moves to side of the kitchen island y/n was previously on. "you have made quite the mess in here."

both luke and y/n look at the batches of cookies, the reminants of cookie dough on the counters, empty bowls in both of the sinks, and flour on the kitchen island and floor.

"what's the real reason you wanted to see me luke?" y/n asks the boy, knowing that he had a tell when he was nervous. he always licked his lips before speaking.

"what? i can't just want to see a dear friend of mine?" he jokes.

"oh you can," y/n responds, "except, whenever you visited me you always wanted seconds, or an extra dessert."

luke doesn't repsond right away, knowing y/n had a point.

the boy licks his lips, nervous from what he's about to tell y/n.

"do you ever wonder why i might've been more protective of you over the other campers? when you first joined hermes cabin?" luke asks, catching y/n off guard.

y/n shakes her head, "no, i never really thought about it before."

luke takes a deep breath, "you seemed more special to me."

y/n's eyebrows furrowed, only making luke continue.

"you just seemed so different from the other campers i've met. special. i just had to protect you. i still feel like i have to."

"luke, i don't get what you're trying to say," y/n admits. luke's confession is only making her confused.

"then i don't have to say it," luke's voice is soft.

y/n's confusion returns, but only for mere seconds before she feels luke's lips on hers. she pulls away from the him, out of shock at what he had just done.

his eyes instantly met hers. his filled with worry as if he messed everything up the two had between them.

before luke could start to overthink everything, y/n leaned up to kiss him. his eyes closed, and his hand went to both sides of her face.

y/n's lips tasted like sugar, with a hint of salt. luke guessed it was from tasting her cookies to get them as perfect as she can for percy's birthday.

luke's lips tasted like a campfire. y/n could only assume it was from the smores hermes cabin had after winning capture the flag that day.

y/n's hands were still blue, and in order to not stain luke or his clothing, she opted to wrap her arms around his shoulders. she felt luke's hands on her waist, only pulling her closer to him.

soon enough luke's tongue pushed through y/n's lips, which caused her to giggle. luke loved her reaction.

before anything could get more heated, a timer goes off in the small kitchen. the loud shrill made luke and y/n stop their movements. y/n only looked at luke sheepishly. the girl leaned in once more and pecked the boy's lips, before retrieving the cookies out of the oven.

"do you want any help?" luke asks, watching y/n again as she started rolling out more balls of cookie dough.

she nods, "if you don't mind your hands getting blue."

luke laughs, "i'm willing to take that chance."

[jlheon]

୨୧ — led me to you (psh)

pairing. bf! park sunghoon x fem! reader genre. est. relationship + angst + fluff wc. 1200 notes. mentions death ( hoon's ex / reader’s friend are dead ) library.

🗯️ extra peng note. @junislqve sent me tiktok and i was gonna make it super sad but i decided to make it a happy end because i wish i had a bf like hoon!

synopsis. you’ve always wanted to ask sunghoon about his first love

as your one-year anniversary with park sunghoon approaches you can’t help the immense relief and guilt this event holds for you. 

maybe guilt isn’t the best word, but you feel content that he loves you enough to stay with you for all this time despite his past. 

two years before you, park sunghoon was dating a gorgeous girl. they had dated for four years.

you met park sunghoon at the cemetery.

not the most ideal meet-cute. 

no, you didn’t see him while you were visiting your childhood best friend, nor while he was visiting his late girlfriend. rather on the way out.

sunghoon was a gentleman. 

he had seen you crying on the sidewalk and handed you his handkerchief he always kept handy. you graciously accepted it and wiped your tears with it. 

“lose someone recently?” sunghoon breaks the silence. 

“yeah,” you sniffled. “my best friend.”

“i’m all ears if you need someone,” he offers. “it’s nicer to talk to someone who doesn’t know anything about it.”

“i’ll take you up on that,” you give him a small smile. “are you busy right now?” 

“i’m going wherever you are,” he chuckles.

you and sunghoon sat at a booth at your favorite dinner. he orders what your best friend used to order but you don’t comment on it. 

you tell him absolutely everything since he asked of course.

always asking him if you can keep going since he still was a stranger at the end of the say. he’s a good listener, a great one even, he nods and gives you his advice whenever you pause. 

and lastly, sunghoon doesn’t just say “i’m sorry for your loss” like everyone else.

that phrase has always frustrated you since what could they possibly be sorry for? it’s not like your grief is their fault. you don’t want to be constantly pitied. 

it’s refreshing, how he understands everything you say, probably because he relates since he just lost someone too you assume.

you ask sunghoon about who he was visiting at the cemetery and he tells you to not worry your pretty little head over it. 

numbers are exchanged and you quickly fall for park sunghoon hard. 

it becomes a weekly thing for you to meet up with him and hangout. whether it’s talking about your grief because he’s the only one who understands or just walking around town. you like sunghoon.

it takes him a while to reveal who he’s grieving the loss of but when he does your stomach drops and you are unable to form any words.

“i know i should have told you earlier,” sunghoon apologizes. “but you’re my escape.” 

you cry that night when sunghoon drops you home.

you feel horrible for crushing on a guy who lost just his long-term girlfriend. you feel horrible for getting so caught up in your crush that you’ve rarely been grieving your friend.

you know this is what she wants for you, to move on and feel happy again, but you can’t help but wish you’re miserable for as long as you are without her. 

sunghoon won’t let you think about it this way though. 

you told him about everything. you told him you liked him, that you’re sorry because you know he just got out of a relationship, and that you feel horrible for feeling happy for the first time since your friend's passing. 

he hugs you and tells you it’s all going to be okay. he tells you that it’s been two years since his late girlfriend passed and the day you met was because he was visiting her while he was in the area.

sunghoon asks you out on a real date.

since then you two have been going strong. but you can’t shake off the fact you’re his first girlfriend after she passed away.

maybe you’re too curious for your own good.

“hoon?” you ask, picking your head up from where it rested on his chest. 

“yeah baby?” sunghoon shifts his gaze from his phone down to you who is already staring at him.

“can i ask you something?” you start, sitting more upright in his lap. “you don’t have to answer if i’m crossing the line.”

“sure,” he shuts his phone off and puts it aside to give you his full attention. “go ahead, baby.” 

“what was she like?”

“who?” sunghoon quirks an eyebrow.

“your ex,” you whisper, scared you might strike a nerve and ruin the only good thing you had in your life.

“oh,” you feel him tense underneath you. “why?” 

“i feel like we always talk about me,” you pout. “i want to be a good girlfriend and be there for you too.”

“you’re already a good girlfriend,” he kisses your cheek. as good as her? is what you want to ask but bite your tongue.

“sorry for asking,” you frown, ready to return to lying in silence. 

“i can tell you if you really want to know,” sunghoon says with his eyes closed, opening to you nodding, and urging him to continue. 

“we dated for four years, but i knew her since childhood. she was my best friend before my girlfriend. even after getting together, she was still my best friend,” sunghoon’s lips broke out into a smile recalling his late girlfriend.

“she sounds amazing,” you lie, feeling sick at the sight of the stars in his eyes while he talks about his ex. 

“i think you two would get along well,” he chuckles. “she was the best, truly. she understood me well and was always patient with me. i was quite the shy teenage boy. i can’t believe she stuck with me for so long.” 

“you’re the perfect boyfriend, hoon,” you reassure him, resting your head against his shoulder as your eyes brim with tears. “do you miss her?”

“of course i miss her,” sunghoon answers, rubbing the small of your back. 

“sometimes i feel mean,” you sniffle. 

“how could you ever be mean?” he dips his head to catch a glimpse of your wet cheeks. 

“like i stole you from her,” your voice cracks as you avoid eye contact.

“why would you ever think that?” sunghoon raised a hand to your face to dry it. 

“well, you guys never technically broke up,” you reply. “i kinda just came into the picture. i feel selfish for it.” 

“you’re not selfish baby,” he holds you closer. “i love you.”

“i love you too,” your tears falling onto his white shirt, wetting the fabric. 

“i like to think she led me to you,” sunghoon explains, stroking your head. “like she knew you were going to be there that day.”

“you think so?” 

“i know so. she led me to the most perfect girl,” he plants a kiss on your forehead. “we both healed together, didn’t we?” 

you hum in response. tears still cascading down your face and onto your boyfriend's shirt. 

“i know we don’t talk about my feelings a lot,” sunghoon cups your face, making you look him in the eye. “but you saved my life. i don’t know if i would still be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“i love you, hoon” you bury your face in the crook of his neck.

“i love you more.”

[maybankswhore]

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐈𝐄𝐂𝐄.

summary: even though jj refuses to admit his feelings for you— he doesn’t want anyone else to have you.

warnings: cursing

prompt: “why are you mad?” “i’m not mad , i just think you can choose better people to kiss.”

The dynamic between you and JJ was undoubtedly strange. You’d two hold hands , hug for longer than ‘friendly’ hugs usually went for , have sleepovers where you’d cuddle and kiss his cheek. It was like a relationship without the title and without the kissing and sappy lover girl esqe commitment.

But it started to get hurtful. To be the girl that was always there , the only girl that was ever there , and still be seen as nothing more than just a friend. God , how you absolutely hated using the word ‘friend.’

There was hookup after hookup , one after the other. JJ would tell you all about them , seeing nothing wrong in confiding his deepest thoughts with his ‘best friend.’ It was harmless in his mind. If you were too hook up with anyone , he’d want to hear about it. I mean— it’s not like there were guys lining up for you at the door. You were stagnant and clearly into JJ so most guys didn’t bother trying. So while JJ figured he’d be okay with hearing about it— it turned out to make him feel the complete opposite.

All four Pogue’s were sitting around the fire in John B’s backyard as you sat there bashfully , remembering your work shift earlier that morning.

It had started like any other day— the same old faces that come for the same old cup of coffee. Some were a bit less frequent and the tips were all in the same. Business wasn’t necessarily ‘booming’ but it was a moderately profitable day. Today had seemed like any other day— until it wasn’t.

A boy who was not much older than you were had walked in and you swore your heart stopped. There wasn’t many people you looked twice at , beings that you suffered with the cruelty of unrequited love. But this one had made you look twice. His hair was shaggy brown , stopping right above his eyebrows. His green eyes seemed kind , the minute he had mumbled ‘hello’ to you.

You were surprised he asked for your number. The banter between the two of you , and how charming he was seemed to brighten your morning just a bit— and since JJ hadn’t seemed to be confessing his undying love for you any time soon , it seemed to be the right time to try and put yourself out there.

“No way you actually gave some random guy your number.” JJ scoffed from the side of you. He wasn’t sure why hearing you talk about another guy that way made him feel so. . . mad. Sure he cared about you , but never really paid attention to what kind of care it was. He always chalked it up to knowing you his whole life , declaring you his bestfriend for life. But watching the way your eyes danced amongst the flame with a certain girlish glow , his heart beat faster than he had ever felt before.

You rolled your eyes. “Okay and? It’s not like you don’t give out your number at every boneyard party.” You defended yourself.

“She’s right.” Pope pointed at her.

“Yeah I think it’s sweet.” Kiara gushed , hyping it up more than it really was. She knew JJ had a crush on you— anyone with two eyes could see that. He was just too stupid to bother realizing it. “It’ll be like those movies where the girl falls for the guy from the coffee shop.” She placed a hand on her heart dramatically. “That’s like , super romantic.”

“I know!” You sighed dreamily. You had always been such a romantic. Reading , writing , watching it. Those silly little cliche book plots coming to life.

JJ rolled his eyes. “It’s not that romantic.”

“Why’re you being such a hater right now?” You asked JJ , crossing your arms over your chest annoyed. “You should be happy for me! Stuff like this never happens to me.”

JJ began to think back over the years before realizing that you were right. You were always with him or the other Pogue’s and when there were parties , he’d find some girl to mess around with somewhere before finding you so you two could go home together like you always had. He hadn’t remembered the last time you even talked about liking someone. His chest began to ache at that— feeling bad. Of course he wanted romantic stuff to happen for you so why did he feel so defensive about it? Sighing , he shook his head of the confusing feelings. “You’re right , I’m sorry. What was his name?”

He swallowed down whatever he thought he was feeling , doing what he did best ; ignoring the problem until it eventually went away. Because he couldn’t think of you like that. . . The two of you were just friends. You always had been— right?

John B and Pope shared a knowing look. You smiled obliviously and continued.

“Nate.”

“Nate?” John B asked with his face turning red.

“Yeah?”

“As in Nate Montero?” Pope pressed further.

JJ shifted in his seat uncomfortably , looking at you. “As in the guy who cut my hair in Kindergarten?!”

You covered your mouth as you gasped , remembering how much JJ had cried because some kid on the playground cut a chunk of his hair off. The name did seem familiar to you at the time but you hadn’t even remembered then. JJ’s face was scrunched up with disgust while the Pogue’s doubled over into laughter. How ironic.

“It was a long time ago!” You groaned.

“I don’t give a shit! That little bastard cut my hair. The hair I had been growing for years.” He threw his hands up in the air. “You can’t go out with him.” JJ said immediately with his nose turned in the air.

“Oh yes I can.”

JJ raised his eyebrows at you , taken aback by the seriousness in your voice. Something bubbled inside of him— something he couldn’t quite figure out. Whatever it was , though , he didn’t like it. “That’s like a betrayal!” He said after a few seconds.

“John B literally dates Sarah Cameron!” You pointed out , giving him a soft smile of apology when he shot you a look. “Sorry but it’s true.”

“She isn’t wrong.” Kiara chirped up.

“You’re literally friends now!” Scoffed John B.

“Yeah— now.” You pointed out. “But at first there was hella beef that was deeper than getting your hair snipped in Kindergarten.”

John B groaned. “Can we not bring me up into this? This is between you and JJ.”

“There’s nothing between me and JJ—” you ignored the way your stomach began to hurt at that. The words only fueling your desire to see the guy , Noah , from the coffee shop again. “I’m seeing him.”

“Y/N this conversation isn’t over!” JJ called after you once you picked up your beer can and started walking towards the house. You didn’t bother looking back , throwing him the middle finger as you disappeared behind the doors.

JJ’s eyes turned to slits and looked at the Pogue’s with an annoyed expression. “Can you believe her?”

“Believe what? That she finally finds a guy attractive other than you?” Kiara folded her arms across her chest. “If you aren’t going to be with her then let someone else who wants to be and be happy for her.”

JJ furrowed his eyebrows at Kiara. He glanced at Pope and John B before looking back at her. “Y/N/N does not find me attractive.” He waved her off.

“Oh please.” Pope muttered under his breath.

“I say we just let this play out.” John B stretched out with a yawn.

“This could end badly—” Pope pointed out.

“Or JJ will finally get his head out of his ass.” Kiara snorted.

JJ stood up in front the Pogue’s with an uneasy look. “I don’t know what you’re all talking about but the only way this ends badly is if Y/N decides to go ahead with that guy. He’s bad news.” He huffed , running back into the Chateau.

“He’s so jealous.” John B smirked while shaking his head.

“Very.”

It had been very tense between the two of you. You were so mad at him for thinking he had any right to tell you who you could or couldn’t date— especially after years of pining after him , and watching him go through girl after girl without so much as glancing your way. You weren’t going to keep hoping for someone to look at you anymore.

Nate had texted you to meet up and you did. It was a nice date , nothing too fancy or mind blowing. Just a simple date. One that ended in a small goodbye kiss on John B’s front porch— the place you normally stayed on on the weekends when your parents were out and about , barely thinking twice about you.

You were glimmering when you walked back in. You figured the Pogue’s would be in the backyard like they always were , so you breezed past the living room and into the kitchen for a glass of water. Your thoughts were everywhere because you did like Nate , and the kiss left you breathless— but it wasn’t like what you thought it would be. Though , none of the past kisses ever were. There was always something missing , making you rethink them.

“Oh so the traitor is back.” JJ strolled into the kitchen without looking at you , his tone hard.

This had been the first time in the past two days he bothered talking to you. You figured he was just pissy you decided to go out with Nate after all , despite the silly Kindergarten incident.

“Why are you mad?” You put down your water bottle and stepped in front of him so he couldn’t look away from you.

“I’m not mad. I just think you could choose better people to kiss.” JJ said. His fingers dancing towards the side of her face.

You felt your breath catch in your throat. Pulling your face away from his hand , you sighed. “If this is about what happened in fricking Kindergarten—”

JJ grabbed your face in his hands , your cheeks hollowing out between your teeth as he did so. You looked at him through fluttering eyelashes , your cheeks burning up. “This isn’t about what happened.” He murmured to you.

This whole conversation had him thinking. That feeling he was feeling— it wouldn’t go away. He had tossed and turned all night that night because his stomach was so sick thinking about you with someone else. He didn’t know why it never occurred to him that you’d eventually find someone else. He didn’t know why he wasted away all this time being with girls who didn’t mean anything. JJ wanted to kiss you. And to hold you like more than a friend. He didn’t want you with Nate— or with anyone. And he felt so bad about never realizing it , and always pushing away those feelings you’d make him feel because he was scared to lose you.

But he couldn’t lose you to someone else.

“I don’t want you to kiss Nate. . .” JJ breathed , inching closer to your face. Your eyes were wide with shock as you watched him , your heart beating crazily in your chest. He still held your face in her hands , watching your reaction to his words. He only hoped that you’d want to kiss him back.

“JJ—” you mumbled. “What’re you—”

“I want to kiss you.” JJ told you , swiping his thumb on your bottom lip. “Only if you’ll kiss me.”

Your heart began to race as you studied JJ’s face. The crush that you had buried inside of you for years was bursting in your chest , making friends with the butterflies in your stomach. Your mouth went dry as you looked at him. JJ left go of the hold he had on you to simply cup your cheek.

“JJ don’t be mean.” You whispered. “If you’re doing this just because I went out with Nate—”

“This isn’t because of Nate.” JJ cut you off. “Not completely , anyway. It was at the beginning but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. His hands on you.” His left hand slithered down to your waist , snaking around it. “Your lips on his.” His other hand pulled at your bottom lip again. “I got jealous.”

You stared at stunned. “Jealous?”

“I think I like you , Y/N.” JJ sighed to himself , looking at you sweetly. “And I think I’ve always known but I just ignored thinking it would go away.”

You swallowed thickly looking up at him. “Did it?”

“No.” He shook his head. “It didn’t.”

“Then. . .” you took a deep breath and stood taller , clearing your throat to sound more confident. “Then I think I want you to kiss me.”

With wild eyes , JJ was treading a line he wasn’t sure it was safe to cross. But the way his heart burned inside of his chest , his ears ringing and pulse getting faster— it would be worth whatever outcome if it meant he got to feel what it was like to kiss you. JJ got closer to you , so close that you felt his breath fan your face. “Do you think or do you know?”

Quietly you weighed your options in your head. There were so many things going through your mind , telling you a million different things. But the way you felt was telling you to kiss him. Finally. After all this time— you wanted to make him wait it out like you had for so long. But you couldn’t control yourself. “I know.” You took the initiative to connect your lips to his , tired of this waiting game. It was either now or never.

He kissed you back immediately. His hands finding home around your waist. His knees felt weak and your heart felt mushy. As your head tilted to the side , a sense of relief fell over you. This was it. This was why no other kiss had ever compared or felt like it mattered. Because it was JJ , it was always JJ.

He was your missing piece to it all.

JJ was the first to pull away , breathless. He felt crazed as he looked at you with eyes wild. Nothing had ever felt like this with him— no other girl could ever compare to you.

“Like I said. . . this ended badly!” Pope bursted out , practically falling out into the kitchen. Kiara and John B rolled their eyes at him.

“Finally!” Kiara groaned. “I was so sick of the sappy back and forth shit.”

“I for one , agree.”

You hid your face in your hands embarrassed while JJ smirked triumphantly. “I have a full head of hair and I got the girl.”

“I hate you.”

[tyuggyuuu]

Just accidentally.

Pairing Karina x fem!reader 🔞 / fifth member of Aespa

Synopsis Accidentally walking up almost naked to your member hotel room, who is also one of your enemies for years.

Warning contains smutx, dirty talk, cursing, using toys, degrading, petnames (mostly slut,whore, princess) dom!Karina and sub!reader, fingering, toying, striping.

Wc : 1,5k

It was just a normal day, like always, doing your scheduled works and practicing really hard for your concert as the concert was close. While rehearsing, you couldn't stop looking at one member, Karina. It wasn't because you were jealous or anything, like always being envious of someone, but something else was happening today. Yeah, it was captivating to watch how her flawless body moved and her curves seemed to be begging to be embraced.

Just before your eyes could switch their gaze, the girl noticed, and her face flashed into a daring smirk, which she always had whenever she was around you.

Your breath hitches as she steps closer to you. "What are you looking at, princess?" Her words spin your mind, causing you to pause a little. You reply, "Nothing, why do you care? Just do your practice, man!" Moving your body, you face your back to her, but you can still feel her frowning face from behind.

"I know you imagined something, right?" Her smirk appeared again, which you could feel just from behind as you have known her for more than years. "Whatever, Karina, do your practice or else-" you stopped when you felt a hand around your waist. Her hands' softness could make anyone weak, and you being wet was just way too overwhelming. "There was something I thought would hurt you." She took her hand off, making you gasp.

The eyes of both of you didn't even try to look at the other side where poor Giselle was trying to stop your fight for the 100th time. "Stop, guys, not this time. I don't want you two to ruin our day. It's literally the concert, and our fans will go crazy if they notice. Be friendly," she finished.

"Be friendly? With her?? I can't," you scoffed before leaving the two, but Karina gazed at you as you left.

The biggest reason to hate her was that she was dating your crush, even after knowing he was your crush. You hated how you happily told her you liked someone, and the next day you saw her with that man you liked a lot.

But the past is the past. You let them both go, and even after some days, you heard they both broke up. But still, it hits you that she betrayed you. And now it looks like, she doesn't even give a fuck about what she did to you.

The happiness on your face can be seen by everyone when you walk to your hotel room after the concert. You loved your fans so much that you ended up crying a little on the stage after seeing their overwhelming support for you.

You wouldn't believe that the other members were still busy because their schedules were much busier than yours. You usually did things earlier to prevent any inconveniences later for your rest.

(well the over happiness can cause you too forget to much things lmao) spoiler

As you reach your room, you feel the exhaustion from the concert and know you need a quick bath to relax. You turn on the water, and as soon as you step in, the warm water touches your skin, instantly calming you. The steam rises around you, and your muscles start to loosen. It’s a fast bath, but enough to wash away the tiredness and help you feel refreshed.

Before you could relax and enjoy yourself, you heard the doorknob of your room opening unexpectedly at that hour. "Who is it?" you asked, with a relaxed tone knowing that only staff or members could enter, and there were plenty of CCTV cameras to monitor.

"When there was no response to your question, curiosity sparked and goosebumps rose as you stepped out to investigate. "Why are you here, Karina?" you inquired, forgetting to cover yourself as you quickly got up to check.

Your half-naked body glistened in the room, catching her gaze as she couldn't tear her eyes away. Your focus was on her lips, which were inadvertently flirting and biting, leaving you unable to think or act in that moment.

"I should be the one asking you that, you know?" Her words caused you to flinch slightly. You were confused by her statement and asked, "Why would you be the one asking this?" Your eyebrows raised in question, but you couldn't decipher any meaning after a stressful and busy day.

"This is my room," she stated, her eyes fixed on your glowing body. Before you could fully process the situation and look around to realize the unfamiliar surroundings, her hand slid onto your waist. You were only wearing a plain white shirt and panties, causing goosebumps to cover your body.

Her eyes were locked on your lips, and yours on hers. "I might..." she began to say with a hot, deep voice that made you feel aroused and eager to be with her in bed. "Please..." you blurted out, unable to control your desire. You quickly covered your mouth with your hand, but she just smirked, leaving your hand there in a mix of relief and defeat.

The two of you reached for each other's lips the moment you felt the need to be intimate. "Fuck," you mumbled, still able to feel her smirking at your vulnerability. The kiss was more than just a kiss; it was becoming more passionate by the second. The tongue war was intense, and in the end, she emerged as the victor.

"Do you like it?" she asked, one hand on your waist and the other on your ass. You moaned uncontrollably from the pleasure you were receiving as she started to lick your neck and shoulder, giving you hard and wet kisses. "You're so good," you spoke out, the praise only making her more intense as she slapped your ass.

"It will be even better if you strip for me, won't it? You will, right?" Her smirk and dominating tone made you feel submissive in your mind, and you did as she asked.

She sat comfortably on the master bed as she undressed herself and watched you strip for her. "Just wait until I have my way with you, my cute little slut," she said, her words turning you on even more and making you impatient. You got on your knees and crawled to her naked as she spread her legs, asking you to pleasure her, which you did without hesitation.

Her moans grew louder as you pleasured her, your tongue playing with her clit and her pussy. "Damn it, you whore. You know...ahh, fuck, I'm going to punish you for making me feel this good," she said, her breathing interrupted by your intense actions. You didn't stop until she reached her climax, her cum covering your mouth, which you shamelessly licked and swallowed.

"Good girl, now come here," she said, tapping the bed next to her. You lay down, and she went to grab something else.

"You want me to pleasure you more than you want it, right, princess?" She asked, caressing the strands of hair on the sides of your face. Karina stood in front of you with a toy on her waist, her words making you nod quickly in reaction, which caused her to scoff a little at your impatience.

"Mommy, please," you pleaded with puppy eyes as she grabbed your breasts and played with each of them, her other hand down there fingering your holes, and moans escaping your mouth without hesitation.

"Fuck," you whimpered when her two fingers inserted into you and she played with your cunt. "Cum for me, princess, if you need a ride to heaven tonight," she said, her hand moving from your clit to your holes in and out, causing you to reach your climax and cum on her fingers.

She inserted the toy into your walls and started thrusting, causing you to whimper even louder as she was now fucking you with a dildo. "You're so tight, aren't you?" She smirked and began thrusting harder with each motion, making you feel like you were in heaven every second.

"Ah, you, please, make me cum, please mommy, ah, fuck me harder!" You managed to say, the words making her frown before you could release your cum. She stopped and looked at you. "You can't cum right now, You can only cum when I tell you to." You grunted as she inserted it again, both of you moaning and filling the room with your sounds and loudness.

"I want to, ah, please let me," you started to cry and whimper for her to let you cum, but her dominating self wouldn't allow it. "No," she said, making you whimper even harder as she thrust one last time and let you cum for now. After making out for a whole fifteen minutes, you both collapsed on the bed, exhausted. "Are we good now?" You asked as you lay facing each other.

"Only if you pleasure me like this every time I ask you to. I didn't know you were this good sucker," she said, making you chuckle and roll your eyes at her. "You know you're going to get punished if you roll your eyes like that at me," she said, smirking.

[whenlilyfallsinlove]

i know you

eli moskowitz x reader... (y/n) is basically jess in gilmore girls.. ive been obsessed with cobra kai lately

"what the fuck are you doing?"

"excuse me?"

you don't think you have ever felt as angry as you have done today. finding out that one of your best friends, that you just so happened to be in love with, had changed completely as a person was one thing. finding out he tried to beat up the third member of your little trio was another.

so you did what you had to, you always felt the need to go out the way to protect eli and demetri. you didn't think it would end up being from each other.

approximately half an hour earlier:

"(y/n)." demetri's face flooded your screen, as you were sprawled across your bed. calls were usually a common thing between the two of you now eli was distant.

"demetri.. hey! you okay?" you respond, taking note of his face.

"no." he says, in a deadpan tone.

"umm why? what happened?"

"eli happened."

of course. ever since your best friend since age 6 joined cobra kai, he had felt like a whole new person. he even gave himself a new name for goodness sake! you and demetri both knew it wasn't the real him. you'd known him for too long. that being said - this new persona didn't stop him avoiding you both.

"what did.. what did he do?" you look into your phone camera, worry evident on your face.

"he tried to beat me up! i was at the mall with sam and robby.. and i went to the comic book store.. and he was there. wasn't happy with my yelp review and tried to fight me."

"what the hell." your eyes widen slightly. rage soaring through your veins. what was he playing at? putting on a front to show off to his friends. why didn't he remember who his real friends were?

"i know.. i just can't believe he would do it. we were friends with him!"

"i know.. are you sure you're okay?" you ask, concerned.

"i'm fine.. robby and sam helped fight them off it just.. caught me by surprise."

"i bet it did.. look i'll ring you later, okay? i just need to take care of something."

demetri knew you all too well.

"don't do something you'll regret." he says.

"i won't."

now here you were, shouting at someone that was supposed to be your best friend. the boy you have had a crush on for so many years.

"don't 'excuse me'. you know what you did." you scoff, walking closer to him. you had decided to wait until he had finished karate to talk, it seemed appropriate.

"oh yeah? and what's that?" eli looked at you, his tone cocky.

"you tried to beat up demetri! what are you doing?" you question, looking at him in disgust.

"he shouldn't have put up that yelp review." he scowls.

"oh who cares about a stupid review! he's supposed to be one of your best friends." you say, angrily.

"not anymore. i'm not friends with pussies."

"what the hell is your problem? what.. you gonna ditch us just because we don't want to beat people up like you do?" your voice raises slightly, causing eli's scowl to falter.

"I told you, i'm not friends with weak people." he says.

"are you kidding? seriously! who was the one that used to fight your bullies in elementary? me! who was your first friend? demetri!"

"we're not kids anymore. people change. friendships change. it's not my fault you guys aren't strong enough for this." eli says, looking away from you, his demeanour crumbling.

"you're not like that either. you're putting on an act!" you exclaim.

"an act? the fuck? this is me now, accept it." he shouts.

"what's going on with you?!"

"nothing.. im fine." he says, his eyes searching your face.

"i know you. i know you better than anyone! this isn't you."

"what do you mean?"

"you know what i mean! starting fights with demetri.. ditching us for those idiots.. being so violent. why are you being so violent?" you ask, looking him in the eye.

the pleading in your voice makes his face soften slightly. you always had a way of getting to him. i mean, of course you did, he'd always had a massive crush on you.

"just tell me what's up with you! i care about you. why are you being like this?" you beg.

eli struggles to get his words out. he wanted to reach out, he wanted to hug you. he wanted to go back to yours and watch doctor who with you and demetri. but he coudln't.

"you don't.. you don't know me anymore." he forces out.

your face falls and eli swears he could feel his heart break.

"fine. don't expect me to wait for you anymore." and with that you turn and walk away, a small part of you hoping he stops you.

he doesn't.

he wants to, he really does. but that's not him anymore.

he watches you walking off with a pained expression, knowing hes fucked up. he just can't bring himself to stop you.

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

A Night Forgotten

Part Three

It’s getting more intense 😈

On top of her earlier worries, now Emoni had an even bigger dilemma to contend with: her boss/secret crush was fully awake...and back to his usual mocking self.

Joy.

What was she going to do now? Her options seemed limited to throwing on her clothes lickety-split and pulling a runner or grabbing the sheet, wrapping it around herself, and demanding he—

The toilet flushed, the tap ran for a moment, and then Erik was standing in the open doorway, drying his hands on a towel. With a quick up and down glance, he took her in from head to toe, and a slow, devastating smile crawled up his cheek. "Well, well. It seems I finally got something right between us, my precious Emoni. It's about fucking time."

Emoni dashed across the room and tore the bedding from the mattress, wrapping the soft, cool satin around her naked body.

“A-ha! So, you don't remember what you did to me last night!" she stated, somewhat miffed by the thought.

Surely it hadn't been that bad a lay...had it?

She tossed him a baleful eye.

“Months of trying to get me on a date, months of both our friends hammering away at me to give you a chance, months of putting up with that humiliating interdepartmental betting pool regarding you and my panties...and you can't even remember fucking me, can you?" She made a pftttt sound and crossed her arms in righteous indignation. "Wow, Erik!"

He laughed. "What a little hypocrite you are, Princess, since it appears you're in the same boat I am...figuratively and literally speaking," he countered, crossing his bulging arms and leaning against the bathroom doorpost. "You can't recall a damn thing about last night, either, can you? Can you?"

Her whole body flushed with sexual awareness and her nipples went instantly hard as Erik challenged her.

How was it that this same defiant behaviour during their formative school days had made her itch to cut his balls off and feed it to him back then, but a dozen years later, now it only made her want to lick him all over instead?

It had to have something to do with the long, attractive package currently swinging between his legs, because as he moved, lounging so sexily in the bathroom doorway, she suddenly found herself staring at it with an eager and lusty appreciation. Gahdamn! it was beautiful! And long…and thick…and—Whatever.

She blinked and forcibly turned away, her cheeks burning. "Will you please put some clothes on so we can talk?" she requested. "You're...distracting."

The Prince actually chuckled at that. "Am I really? Well, then I'll have to politely decline, baby girl. I'm enjoying redirecting your attention towards other more profitable thoughts."

She clucked her tongue in annoyance. "You're arrogance is through the roof about all of this."

"This isn't conceit, Emoni. This is contentment."

"It certainly sounds to me as if your ego is doing all the talking today."

"Well, it's not."

She turned back and cast a cynical expression in his direction. "Then, you’re telling me you’re not happy to swagger and strut around because you finally had sex with me after all these years of trying every line in your playbook to stick your dick in me?!”

He stared hard at her. "No, I'm not. I am, however, feeling a sudden urge to spank that ass. Care to step up and volunteer?" He actually growled then. "And for your information, baby girl, I don’t need a playbook, it comes natural. Who's the arrogant one again?"

“How am I the arrogant one!?” She shouted defensively.

“Well,” Erik started counting off on his fingers, “You find every moment to announce how I’ve been chasing after you all this time. You do it as if you’ve been playing this game of making me wait—

She huffed, he sniffed.

"So, we’re gonna stand here and act like you haven’t been wanting a nigga for a while now? Come on, ma. I can see right through you. It sucks you gotta play games when I could have shown you some things.”

He sounded a bit sulky at that.

Emoni glanced at him sideways. Erik truly looked upset by her accusations, which told her more than his words ever could. Perhaps whatever had happened between them the night before hadn't been pre-planned by him, and he hadn't been responsible for her memory gaps, after all.

“Okay…so…nothing?” She questioned.

“Nothing—well…I can remember us dancing. I remember how I dragged you to the dance floor and we Had a ball,” Erik smirked at the fuzzy memory, “You were….all over me. It was definitely the drinks because you would never do no shit like that sober, but…your ex was PISSED. We shared a drink…”

Erik blinked rapidly a few times then his thick, unruly brows snapped together. He drew a blank.

“That’s…wow—that’s exactly what I remember last as well…what the fuck?”

“Weird, right?” Erik said.

Which left Emoni wondering how in hell it was she could ever have forgotten making love to him, because that had been an event she'd ached for and dreamed of for years. That she couldn't remember anything significant at all in the aftermath was not just a maddening mystery, but also terribly disappointing to her as well. With his own memory of the night apparently lost, too, now she'd never be able to know how it had been between them. Had they connected body-to-body, soul-to-soul as she'd always fantasized, or had it been merely about sating sexual hungers and agreeing to move on? That knowledge was lost forever, it seemed, and that made her heavyhearted.

Clearing her throat, she figured she might as well attempt some civility, since he didn't appear to be at fault, if she was properly reading the signs.

“Right. So...what now?"

He shrugged. "We go back to bed."

She tightened the sheets around her with a twist of her hand, unsure if that idea wasn't the worst one in the history of co-worker one-offs and deserved an argument or if she should just give into the temptation and make a whole new set of epic mistakes today with Erik—this time, memorable ones. Decisions, decisions...

"And why would we do that?" she asked, trying to buy herself some time to come up with a third alternative.

Erik frowned at that. "To sleep. Maybe to fuck again later, once we're both more rested... Why are you so skittish all of the sudden?”

Because you're gloriously naked and suck-able, she thought, and I really want to run my mouth all over you this instant.

"Because I'm understandably nervous right now," she said instead, feeling her palms grow slick with a feverish need to touch him.

As if he'd discarded her words in favour of listening in on her more honest thoughts and impulses instead, he rewarded her with a slow, wicked smile. "Is that so?" he asked, his voice thick with lusty insinuation.

He shifted then, and it took all of Emoni’s willpower to keep her eyes from drifting downwards to seek out the slight movement between his legs again. No way was she getting caught in that mesmerizing action twice.

“Yes, I just said," she reiterated, fanning herself with a hand and wondering if it were possible to spontaneously combust.

Noting her distress, Erik’s teasing waned. "Why?

A third alternative suddenly presented itself: rationally discussing the matter to death. That's what Emoni did best, after all. "Because regardless of the fact that we've each experienced a disturbing loss of memories of the last twelve or so hours, we're both cognizant that some level of physical intimacy passed between us last night," she pointed out, switching into 'professional mode'. "Our relationship, therefore, has evolved and requires us to come to some form of an agreement and an arrangement as to its future."

"Agreement? Arrangement?" He almost sounded offended, “You're starting to sound like a wife looking for a pre-nup, Moni." He jerked his chin towards her bellybutton, and the piercing that lay just beneath the sheets that covered it. "Was that diamond chandelier in your navel not enough for you? Or do you need a bigger declaration of my intentions? I suppose I can get you a ring for your finger to match, if you want.”

She tsked at him for joking at a time like this. "I'm talking about our working relationship, you asshole! What we did here last night...this is going to alter that dynamic, like it or not."

He raised an eyebrow at that. "Why does it have to, though?”

Unbelievable! Could he not see that everything had changed?

Pushing off from the wall, he approached her, "It was about time it did, too! All this time trying to get your attention the old-fashioned way was getting me nowhere with you. Derek and Natalie were right—you needed me to act, not attempt to manipulate you into making the first move,” Reaching out, he tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "I needed to change, my Emoni, or we were never getting here."

She rubbed at her achy temple. "Do you realise you always refer to me so possessively? Why do you do that? We're not even officially dating, but you talk about me as if I'm your significant other.” She argued.

The idea irritated her, because in truth, she'd wanted him to think of her in such a manner—had for a long time now—but Erik had always been impossible to pin down. Like a male butterfly, he'd always liked his freedom...and his women. Not that she'd been totally celibate over the years, but she couldn't boast near the number of partners he'd put to bed. And all along, even when he was with those other women, he'd shamelessly flirted with her, tossing out provocative innuendo or joking propositions that always ended in her scolding or itching to slap him, and invariably nursing a sore heart. It bothered her now that he would continue to play this game with her, especially as they'd obviously crossed a line last night.

"Where's my damn phone?" she asked, too tired to attempt looking for it.

Erik tore his eyes away from her and he scanned the room until he found her hand bag tossed on the floor beneath a lounge chair in his room. He took long strides to grab her bag and then he crossed over to her. He handed it to her and watched her open it, a relieved sigh escaping her mouth as she pulled it out. She checked the time and it was very late in the afternoon. No one had called her or texted. She went to her photos and there were over fifty pictures she’d taken.

She frowned at that. This could help.

"You're welcome," he said, looking at her.

"Oh, uh, thanks," she stammered after the fact, staring at her photo gallery, “But, um...I have a bunch of photos of us…do you?" She asked, "Is that karaoke?! Wait—a tattoo parlor?!!! Little White Chapel?!!! What the fuck?!"

Erik was silent for a long while in the face of that revelation, so she glanced up at him to find out why.

He was staring...no, glaring at her chest. The sheet had fallen and her titties were exposed. Deep brown areolas and thick, pointed nipples against tawny skin.

"Take that sheet off, Emoni," he demanded with a primal look in his eye, "Do it right now."

[alotofpockets]

New surroundings | Alessia Russo

Pairing: Alessia Russo x Reader & Katie McCabe x Best Friend!Reader

Reader pronouns used: she/her

Prompts: "If there is nothing going on between you two, you don't mind if I ask her on a date, do you?" & "You love me?"

Warnings: Toxic ex, some slight angst, and alcohol consumption. Plus, I feel like drunk ex trying to get back together should be one.

Masterlist | Woso masterlist | Words: 3.8k

Arsenal was the closest team you had ever been a part of. You joined the club about four months ago, back then you had only known Katie. The two of you had played together for Ireland since you were around fifteen, and she had become one of your best friends years back. Katie had taken you under her wing at this new club, and introduced you to all your new teammates. You felt like a part of the team right away, loving the team bonding nights they had, it made you get to know the girls better, and it helped to keep your mind occupied. 

When Arsenal’s offer had come your way, your long term relationship had just ended. You loved Manchester and playing for Manchester City, but training and playing alongside your ex-girlfriend was a lot, especially since the break-up wasn’t on good terms. So, you took the offer and moved to London, after finishing the two months that were left on your contract with Manchester City. So far, you loved playing for Arsenal, and the girls on the team had quickly become your friends. 

Tonight’s team building took place at Leah’s house, you had all just headed inside after enjoying a lovely dinner in her backyard together. You weren’t paying much attention to the conversations around you, as your eyes kept making their way towards Alessia, she looked absolutely stunning. Katie had noticed you staring, and walked your way, “Enjoying the view?” You roll your eyes at your best friend, regretting over and over again that you told her about your crush on Alessia. “When are you going to ask her out?” Your smile falters slightly, “You know why I haven’t.” You had endless late night conversations with her, about not knowing if you could allow yourself to trust a person like that again. “Plus, it’s not like you have asked out Caitlin yet.” You add, lightening up the conversation quickly. “Fair point.” Katie places a reassuring hand on your shoulder, knowing where your thoughts were at. Even though you were worried about allowing yourself to open up to another person that way, you would be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about trying to with Alessia. 

On the other side of the room Leah nudges Alessia, “I see you’re having a great time tonight, Russo” The woman mocks, having just witnessed the forward stalk your Instagram page. “She’s in the same room, maybe you should just talk to her.” Alessia quickly scrambles for an excuse to be on your profile, and finally comes up with, “Oh, I was just looking up something that I was talking about with Katie earlier.” Leah nods like she believes her, "If there is nothing going on between you two, you don't mind if I ask her on a date, do you?" Without waiting for a response Leah starts making her way over to you. Alessia quickly comes into action, and gets to you before Leah does.

“Can we talk?” Alessia says when you notice her speeding your way. “Yeah, sure. Is everything okay, Less?” She nods, and asks you to follow her, more so to create space between you and Leah. Completely unaware that Leah was just trying to push her closer to admitting her feelings for you.

Alessia walks you to the backyard, where the two of you sit down. “Less, you’re worrying me, what’s going on?” It only just dawned on Alessia that now she would actually have to tell you something. She takes a deep breath before going for it. “This wasn’t how I planned on telling you this, but Leah was going to ask you out but I couldn’t let her without telling you something first. Y/n, I like you, like in the I want to take you out on dates and stuff, and I’ve just been too scared to say anything. I just knew that I had to before Leah talked to you, unless you would rather have her be the one telling you this, then I’ll go.” You shake your head, “No, I want it to be you. I like you too, Less.” Alessia’s smile widens, and you feel your heart melt at the sight.

“I do want to be open about something before we continue this conversation.” You say nervously, not having thought you’d be having this conversation, let alone with the girl you’ve been crushing on. “Of course, anything.” Alessia reassures. ”So, I don’t know if you’ve heard the ins and outs by now, but my last relationship ended pretty badly.” Alessia shakes her head, “I try my best to let people's private lives stay private.” Your breakup had been pretty public, as your ex was spotted with a new partner only a week after she had broken up with you, most of the public not even aware that you had broken up yet. So, hearing Alessia say that meant a lot. “If you don’t mind I don’t want to get into that too much now, let’s just say that that relationship left a lot of emotional scars.” You take a breath before continuing. “I guess what I am trying to say is that if you and I were to start something, I would need us to take things very slow. So, yeah, just that as a heads up, because I would understand if that’s not something you’re looking for.” 

Alessia, who was listening carefully to your words, simply nods. “We can take it as slow as you need us to, I’m not going anywhere.” Her words mean so much to you, you could already tell that she respected your boundaries, you hoped that it would stay that way. “Can I kiss you?” You ask shyly, hoping that you didn’t ruin the moment by sharing what you just did. “Yes, you can.” Alessia smiles and leans in, you share a short but sweet kiss, knowing your teammates are all inside. 

The following weeks, you felt yourself getting more and more comfortable around Alessia, she kept respecting your boundary of taking things slow. The two of you had spoken more about what went down with your ex, just because you wanted to give Alessia some insight into the things you might struggle with more than others. It was hard not to fall for her, she was kind, thoughtful, and loving, still you had your doubts that it wouldn’t all switch up to the moment you got too comfortable.

“So, how are things going with Russo?” Katie asks as she sits down on the couch with you, having planned a relaxing evening together before your match tomorrow. “Yeah, I think it’s going well. I really like her, she has been amazing so far. We went on our first date yesterday, which was really nice.” It makes Katie happy to see you smile so much when talking about Alessia. “Though, if I’m being honest, I’m still scared that she’ll start treating me the same way that Jenny did.” Katie takes a moment to make sure she will say the right thing, Jenny got her angry and she knew you needed a different side of her right now. “I understand why you would feel scared, Jenny was well she was horrible to you, and like I’ve said before you deserve someone who treats you well. I think that Alessia is someone who will do that, I mean just see the way she has got you smiling. Alessia isn’t Jenny, and though it might take a bit for your mind to wrap around being treated in a good way by your partner, I know you and Alessia are good for each other.” You smile at her reassuring words, “Okay, enough about me, what about you? Any update on the Caitlin front?” By the way Katie starts blushing you know there is. “McCabe, why did you start with me? Tell me everything!” Katie tells you about how she asked Caitlin out for lunch yesterday, how great it went, and about walking her home and kissing her on her front porch. “I am so happy for you.” You say as you give your best friend a quick hug. 

Katie was getting some snacks from the kitchen while you opened up Netflix to pick out a movie. You had just set up the movie you chose when your phone buzzed. You quickly grab it, hoping to see Alessia’s name on your screen, but your smile falters when the name on your screen reads Jenny Jones. Without opening the message you quickly put your phone down on the couch again. Katie comes back into the living room, and you start the movie. Your phone keeps buzzing, but you try to ignore it. “Will you please just look at your phone?” Not wanting to make a scene you grab your phone and open your messages, not reading the words on your screen.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Katie says worriedly, noticing the change in your facial expression. “Nothing.” You lie, even though you know Katie won’t believe you. Katie takes your phone from your hands, and you let her. “Why is she texting you? I thought you told her to stop contacting you.” You shrug, “I did.” Katie reads through the messages. “She makes me so angry. Y/n, you know that none of what she’s saying is true right?” You nod, “She’s probably just trying to get in my head before tomorrow’s game.” You’d be playing your old club, and that still included your ex-girlfriend. You talk a bit more about the messages with Katie, “Are you going to tell Alessia about the messages?” You weren’t looking forward to it, but knew that it would be best to tell her. “Yeah, I’ll tell her tomorrow morning. She’s picking me up for the match.” 

You rush to the door when you hear the doorbell, Alessia was early, and you weren’t done getting ready, probably because you were going over and over again how you could best tell her about the messages from Jenny. Nonetheless, you open the door with a smile, “Good morning Less.” She returns the smile and pecks your cheek. “I got some coffee on the way.” You thank her and let her into your apartment. “Just give me one second, I still have to get changed.” You quickly make your way over to your bedroom, to change into your training gear. 

Once you’re back in the living room, you sip on your coffee. “So, how are you feeling about playing your old club?” Alessia starts the conversation. “I have mixed feelings about it. It will be weird playing against them, but I am also excited to see some of my old teammates again.” Alessia nods, “Yeah, I completely get you. Playing my old club left me with very similar thoughts.” She pauses for a moment before she continues. “Tell me if you don’t want to talk about it but what about-.” She struggles to find the right way to ask you, so you guess the rest of the sentence for her, “Jenny?” She nods. “I am not looking forward to that part, I haven’t seen her since I moved, and that’s been really nice. There was something I wanted to share with you, now that we are on the topic. She started texting me yesterday, I said to Katie that she’s probably just trying to get into my head before the game. I’m not planning on responding or anything, I just wanted to let you know.” You show her the texts, not wanting anything to come between what you and Alessia were building.

Jenny Jones: Getting your first start tomorrow, congrats. I can’t wait for you to screw it up

Jenny Jones: You think you’re a part of the team but the only reason they tolerate you is because of McCabe

Jenny Jones: They just petty you

Jenny Jones: Anyways, see you tomorrow x

“I’m so sorry she said all of that, it’s not true you know?” She puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder, and you fall into her arms immediately. Alessia holds you while you cry, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. “You are going to be amazing. You are such a great defender, and you will ace this match. Jonas put you as a starting player because he believes in you. I believe in you, the whole team does. We love having you here, and you are as much a part of this team as the rest of the girls.” Alessia was saying all the right words, she continued stroking your back even when you stopped crying. “I love you, Less.” The words slip out before you realize it. Alessia’s hands freeze in place. "You love me?" You felt like you should be stressing out more about having just told her that you love her, but it felt right so you sit back up so you can look her in the eyes. “I do. Is that okay?” Alessia’s smile grows, “Yes, that is very okay.” She pulls you back in for a hug, “I love you too, y/n/n.” 

Alessia drives the both of you, and you arrive into the locker room with a big smile on your face. “I’m assuming this means telling Russo about the messages ended up going well.” Katie says as you take your place next to her. “You could say that yes. I might have told her that I love her and she might’ve said it back.” She pats your back, “Aw, I’m so happy for you.” Everyone gets ready for the match, and lines up in the tunnel. Alanna was standing next to you in the tunnel and gave you a quick side hug before you entered the field. Like you said earlier, it would be nice to see some of your former teammates again. 

While shaking hands with the opposing team you so badly wanted to skip Jenny, but you knew you had to show your sportsmanship. So, you shook her hand anyways, looking to Leah standing in front of you instead of to Jenny. You move on to the next person quickly, not wanting to linger. Kerstin sends you a knowing smile and pats your back after the two of you exchange a handshake. 

After the team huddle you make your way to your spot on the field with Manu, Katie, Leah, and Lotte. The referee blew the whistle and the match started. You put your full focus on the match, knowing you were going to need it as Jenny and Chloe kept pressing forward. Manchester City was putting their pressure high, so your defense pushed back hard. Chloe earned her team a corner kick, and your team positions themselves for the corner. You feel a slight push to your back, not uncommon of course, until you hear the voice that belongs to the person pushing you. “Didn’t respond to my messages, sweetheart.” You ignore her and keep your eyes focussed on the people around you in the box. The corner gets taken and the ball comes flying your way, before you can respond Jenny speaks up again, “You’re going to flop today.” You freeze in place, her words getting to you. Jenny takes the opportunity to move around you and head the ball in the direction of the goal, luckily Manu was able to grab the ball out of the air. Katie runs up to you, “Don’t let Jones get into your head, okay? You’ve got this. You’re better than she is.” She pats your back before running to her position. 

Katie and Leah took you aside during half time, they reassured you, knowing how Jenny was playing tricks with you. You took their words with you into the second half. Alessia managed to put Arsenal in the lead with a goal in the fifty eight minute, which only made your opponents push back harder. They earn another corner kick, and you get ready in the box once again. This time being prepared on who would come standing behind you, and entirely blocking out the words that were spoken to you. If it’s not about football, it’s not important. Leah had said, the words keps playing in your head. This time the ball didn’t reach the far post, so it was Lotte who headed the ball away from the goal. Though, Katie’s blood was boiling after she heard what Jenny said to her. She wasn’t holding back on her tackles and shoves, almost earning herself a yellow card a couple of times. You were grateful for your best friend having your back, but you also were not wanting her to get sent off the field by her actions.

There were only two minutes left of the match, your team had been playing high up on the field when the ball got intercepted by Kerstin who quickly played the ball to Jill. You are standing a little below the midfield line when Jill sends a long ball over your head. You spot Jenny making a run for it and quickly turn on your feet to run after it. Manu was already back in her goal, but besides her you were the only defender this low on the field. Jenny reaches the ball first, but you are close behind her. You divert slightly to the left so you can flank her. She is a step ahead of you, so there was only one way you’d be able to stop her attack and that was by a sliding tackle. The timing had to be perfect, you needed to prove Jenny wrong, needed to prove that you earned this spot on the team. You slide down, and time seems to slow down as your foot nears the ball. 

The crowd at the Emirate erupts in cheer as you perfectly time your tackle and hit nothing but the ball. Jenny trips over your body, but no foul was given since it was a clean tackle. Katie, Leah and Lotte are the first one by your side, as they were trying to make the run back to aid you, the three of them running into a hug as the final whistle blew. The rest of the girls joined in on the group hug just moments later. 

To celebrate the win, the team went out for some drinks. Nothing too crazy because you had training again tomorrow, since you’d have another game in a couple of days. The group of you just wanted to spend some time together outside of football. You were enjoying your evening, talking with your teammates and sipping on your drink. Alessia’s arm was draped around your shoulders and you were leaning into her side. The happiness you felt in your girlfriend's arms, with your friends surrounding you, was something you weren’t used to. You were excited to start getting used to it though. 

You hadn’t even noticed that some of the City girls were in the same bar until a very drunk Jenny was standing in front of you. “You shouldn’t go out with her.” She said, slurring her words, and pointing to Alessia. Alessia who protectively held you closer to her body. “We should get back together, make it work this time.” You shake your head in disbelief, “Jenny, go home, you’re drunk.” Jenny doesn’t listen, and instead only takes another step towards you. “I want you back, y/n. Doesn’t matter if I’m drunk or not.” You give a quick squeeze to your hand that was intertwined with Alessia’s before getting up. “Look, Jenny, it is never going to happen. You never treated me right, and I should’ve left a lot sooner than I did, because I have found someone that treats me so well. There is no way that I would ever get back with you, please just leave.” 

It seems like Jenny isn’t even listening to a word you said. “Come on, we’ve had some good times together.” Alessia heard enough, and got up to stand by your side. Her hand resting on your lower back, showing that she is there for you. “Jenny, she asked you to leave.” Your girlfriend said sternly. Jenny moved forward again, this time Katie stepped in between the both of you, her hand on Jenny’s shoulder keeping her back. “Look, mate, she is never getting back together with you, because you treated her like shit. So, my advice would be to leave before you embarrass yourself more than you already have.” Alanna and Kerstin heard the commotion and made their way over. “JJ, come on.” Kerstin said, pulling her away from you. “Let’s get you home alright?” Alanna stays for a moment, to check on you. “I’m okay, Lani, thank you.” She gives you a quick hug before she goes and helps Kerstin get Jenny home. 

Both Katie and Alessia sit back down, both checking in on you as well. You lean into Alessia’s side again for comfort. “I am okay, really.” You reassure them. “I do think that I want to go home though.” Katie is already on her phone ordering an uber. “I got you.” You walk outside with Alessia’s hand in yours, along with Katie and Caitlin. “Want to stay over tonight? Caitlin is coming to mine too.” You nod, “Can Less come too?” Katie smiles, “Of course, she can.” You look over to Alessia, realizing you should also ask if that’s something that she wanted. Alessia simply nodded and gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. 

When you arrive at Katie’s home, you turn to Katie right away. “Do you mind if we head straight to bed? I'm exhausted.” She brings you in for a quick hug, “Of course, whatever you need.” You give Caitlin a quick hug as well, before you take Alessia's hand. You stop before you leave the room, “Thank you for today.” You say looking between the girls. “No worries, we've got your back, always.” And with that you guide Alessia to the guest bedroom, you had some stuff laying around since you stayed over at least once a week, per your game day ritual.

“How are you feeling?” Alessia asks as she lays down on her side next to you, her head propped up on her arm. “Exhausted but okay, I know I have my people, including you.” She reaches out her free hand to put a falled strand of hair behind your ear. “I hope you know that I would never treat you that way.” You nod, “I know, you've been pretty amazing, actually.” You lean in and kiss her lips, the kiss is sweet and more passionate than the few kisses you have shared before. “Hm, I really am exhausted, Less. Can we continue this later?” Alessia leans her forehead against yours and smiles, “I would love to.” She lays down on her back and opens her arms for you to cuddle into her. You lay your head down on her chest, and she instantly wraps her arms around you. “Goodnight baby, I love you.” Her words make you smile, you could get used to falling asleep like this. “I love you too, darling. Sweet dreams.”

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[notjoelmiller]

the protector

MDNI

joel miller x tess's sister!reader (not blood related) summary: Joel promised Tess he would take care of you. It's fine until he finds himself infatuated with you and Ellie accuses him of replacing Tess. wordcount: 5.0k warnings: smut (unprotected p-in-v), unspecified age gap, canon character death, spoilers up to episode 3, background character death, violence, joel is not a good person in this

Tess asks him one night as he stitches her up. Negotiations went wrong, and Joel tends to her carefully. He always does. It was his way of setting things right.

Joel had to carry her back to their apartment. Her skin lost its rosy hue in the process, and she shivered in his arms the whole way back. Joel thought he lost her. He almost did.

With the apartment illuminated by the streams of moonlight peeking through the window, he puts her back together. Needle and threat prod and pull at her skin. The makeshift infirmary that their apartment has become reeks of iron and alcohol.

He killed earlier, with his bare hands. He’s only done that a few times before. He liked using guns or knives, but he beat that man who hurt Tess. Crushed his eye socket just to watch him bleed. It was irresponsible and reckless. His hands tremble with the lingering adrenaline mixed with newfound anxiety. Tess is alive, he tries telling himself. It doesn’t quell the shakes.

He has only two stitches left when Tess speaks for the first and only time that night. Her words come out slowly, either from the blood loss or careful consideration. 

“If anything happens to me, take care of my sister, okay?” She asks.

Joel pauses, needle hanging just above her skin. His fingers are caked in Tess’s blood, maybe some of a stranger. He’s sure it’s gonna be there in the morning, no matter how much he scrubs his skin raw. 

“Okay,” he says.

“Promise?”

“I swear.”

They don’t mention it. Years pass before she asks him to make another promise– to take care of an infected girl. He swears to her again, and when he does he remembers: the farm in western Massachusetts circled on a map, the mysterious kid sister Tess always talks about, the promise he made with blood caked under his nails.

As smoke from the capitol building pollutes the blue sky, Joel wonders if Tess remembers it. Perhaps, while grappling with her last lucid moments before the infection takes over, it brought her peace– the thought of her sister’s safety.

Save who you can save.

Once things calm down, and distance muffles the screeches of the infected, Ellie asks where they’re going.

***

Joel doesn’t see the resemblance. Ellie says she does. It’s in the eyes, she tells him. That determination. Scary shit. Joel can’t deny it, you do have that intense Tess-stare. But the expression is about where the resemblance ends.

In fact, the moment he lays eyes on you, he realizes that when Tess said “sister”, it was an expression– a bond beyond blood. Even if you weren’t related, you were important to her.

“Tess is dead,” he says minutes after you welcome him and Ellie into your home. “Asked me to look after you.”

You excuse yourself after Joel tells you. Ellie elbows him in the ribs when you disappear into the upstairs section of the house. It was a disturbing delivery, evident by your quiet gasps and sobs in the other room, but it was fact. Tess is gone, and Joel has a promise to fulfill. Sugarcoating it won’t change anything.

You fail to emerge from your room before sundown. Ellie tells him that they should clear out and let you grieve, but something keeps him planted in your living room. 

It’s cozy, not just by post-infection standards. You somehow keep the place neat, but it still looks lived in. Polaroids sit in frames on top of the fireplace. Most of them are you and Tess. In some of them, she’s younger, before Joel met her in the quarantine zone. Though, others were more recent. If Joel had to guess, the newest photo was taken in the last two years. He never knew how much Tess came out to see you. How much you really meant to her.

You don’t reemerge until the stars come out. Even then, with puffy, but dry, eyes and a monotonous voice you tell the strangers where they can sleep. Hospitable, despite the waves of grief that radiate from your frame.

As you set up the guest rooms, Joel explains that they’re leaving in the morning. He offers you the choice of staying, but tells you that you have a better chance out there than here alone, with nobody watching over you. He doesn’t know if that’s true, but he knows that Tess would have wanted you under his protection.

Ellie tries comforting you in the only way her emotionally-stunted self can. She cracks jokes, tries her best to break the tension. It doesn’t make you laugh. Hell, you don’t even smile. Ellie’s curls into herself, embarrassed, but only because she misses the way your shoulders droop and eyes soften. Joel does see it.

After the pair are settled into the spare rooms, you disappear again. When they wake the next morning, you’re back to normal. Somewhat. You flutter around the house with a backpack and a duffle, shoving personal items and essentials in. You don’t greet your guests, instead you start by ordering Ellie to bring non-perishables from the kitchen to the truck. She nods dumbly and gets straight to work. Joel frowns at her obedience until your eyes land on him.

You lower your voice, “The photos.” Your voice is hoarse at that volume, no doubt exacerbated by your night of grief. “I can’t take them all. If you want one you can– I mean, you don’t need to. Tess didn’t talk much about you, but she sent you after me, didn’t she?” You chuckle. It’s humorless. “I guess you two trusted each other.” You nod to the mantle. Only a few photos remain. 

He frowns. Had Tess not told you about them? He had assumed that in thirteen years, you would have said something. His hands clench. “Photos ain’t gonna change a thing,” he states.

Your face crumples like he’s just spitten on your sister’s grave. “Maybe.” You turn away. “I’ll help Ellie with the food. Then we can go.”

You work with Ellie to clear out the rest of the food supply. She talks your ear off the entire time you pack. Apparently, she’s thrilled to have you joining her and Joel, though you fear she isn’t actually interested in your company. You think she only talks to you so enthusiastically because you're more responsive than Joel. 

Despite your hesitance, you find yourself anticipating joining the pair. It’s not like you have much of a choice in the matter, though. Tess kept you stocked. She kept you safe. With her gone, and her partner heading west, you were alone. In a few months time, you would be out of bullets and meds, and with the winter approaching, the odds would be against you.

Ellie knocks on the side of Joel’s truck. “Do you know how to drive?” She asks, flipping a knife in her hands with a bit too much ease for your liking. You wonder how long she’s had that thing. Thankfully, it looks relatively unused. “Joel doesn’t wanna teach me… but maybe you could give me lessons. It’ll be really fuckin’ cool– plus I could help you guys out and take some driving shifts.”

You shrug, tucking the last pile of cans in the truck bed. Ellie’s standing on the wheel, looking at you with wide, expectant eyes. “So?” She asks, leaning forward so much, you think she’ll fall into the bed.

Joel comes out before you can make that promise. He stomps down the porch steps, telling you and Ellie to get in the car. There’s no urgency to his orders. For that you’re grateful. Driving off in that car means the end of the last twenty years of your life. No more of the farm, no more New England, no more Tess. 

You wait for anxiety to come, but it doesn’t. Somehow, you’ve made peace with it all. With Ellie and Joel, your new companions.

Ellie seems attached to you. She’s been chatting your ear off for the better part of the hour. It’s nice. She keeps your mind off grief.

You wonder if this is how Tess felt, when she first found you and took you under her wing. Sure, you were less chatty than Ellie, but you find yourself feeling a strange possessiveness over the girl. You’ve never had to be a role model, someone for a young girl to look up to. You think about Tess, all she did to make sure you were well-adjusted in this world. Ellie seems like a good kid. You just hope that you’ll be able to guide her like Tess did you.

Joel seems less excited to have you, more like he’s carrying out a duty. You suppose that is the case, that Tess sent him to you in her absence. You don’t understand why she kept him around for so many years. He doesn’t appear to be the best company. He’s quiet, though when he chooses to speak it’s curt, leaving a bad taste in your mouth. 

He’s not bad on the eyes, though. Maybe that’s why she kept him around.

Ellie nudges your shin with her foot. She stares at you with wide, expectant eyes. “You can sit shotgun,” she says.

You smile, “Thanks, kid.”

***

Joel dreams about Tess. He dreams she’s still with him. Everything’s the same– he's left Boston, Bill and Frank are gone –except you’re absent. Back on the farm, perhaps, doing whatever the hell it was you did there.

Ellie’s still in his dreams, at least most of the time. Sometimes she’s not. Some nights, she’s taller, with a head of curly hair. She’s got the same snark, but less of a tendency to use profanities.

The dreams keep him up. When he eventually falls asleep, it isn’t for long. The dreams come, and Tess says something too close to that day in the capitol or he catches a head of curly hair. Then he’s up, breathing heavily and sweating hard. You notice, of course you do. Tess was like that. She always had an inkling whenever something was eating at Joel. You ask if he wants to talk about it.

Of course I do.

But Joel just shrugs. He wants that companionship, that person to lean on in his struggles, but not in you. You’re not the person he wants to burden.

***

You grieve differently than Joel. You actually take time to talk about Tess, tell stories about her– good and bad. Ellie loves it, grateful to learn more about the woman she could only be with for a short time. The woman who saved her life.

It helps Joel learn about your relationship. He gathers that you came together at the start of the infection. You grew together, learning from each other. You were younger than her, he guesses by at least a decade, and had grown into your own under her guidance.

You and Tess parted ways months before she met Joel. You wanted autonomy, a place to call your own. You wanted the openness of the country and the ability to live off the land, not on FEDRA rations. Tess needed security. She needed to know that she wouldn’t be ripped apart by clickers in her sleep. She wanted a quarantine zone. So, you split up.

But there was– is –no bitterness in that disagreement, Joel finds. When you recall that parting of ways and your desires for different lives, you seem content. It irks him that you have such a strange peace with that, after knowing the fate of your sister, while you stand with him now, alive and well.

There are glimpses of Tess in you. He admits that to Ellie one night after you’ve gone to sleep, hardly a week after you joined the duo. What he doesn’t admit to Ellie is how much of Tess he really sees in you, and that sometimes, he has to stop himself from calling you by her name.

But of course, he slips up. It happens only once. You’re walking behind him, telling some story about a poor sucker who gave you trouble back on the farm. It’s a good story, but coming from your lips? Joel is captivated.

He goes to respond to some gruesome detail of the story, but her name comes out of his mouth. Not yours. Tess. Ellie whips her head around unbelievably fast, eyes so wide he can practically hear her thoughts screaming at him, what the hell Joel?

He’s quick to cover it up. “Tess… she said something like that happened to her once, too.”

Joel’s glad you’re behind him. You can’t see the way his face crumples in shame. Though, he can’t see whether or not you caught it.

When you’re out of earshot, Ellie calls it a Freudian slip. Joel tells her to watch her mouth.

***

You’re softer than Tess from all that time on the farm. Sure, you have your fair share of trouble with raiders and stray infected, and you know your way around a fight. But you’ve never stepped foot in a quarantine zone. You’ve never had to deal with the Fireflies, the grifters, or even FEDRA.

Tess had gone through all of that. She internalized it– let it change her. It roughened her edges enough that even the thought of submitting to Joel made her hackles raise. Not you, though.

You don’t just accept his touch. You practically melt at it. She let him touch her, being intimate physically in ways he could never verbalize, but she never reveled in it. She would never sigh and lean into his hand on her cheek. She couldn’t let her muscles relax in his embrace, but she’d always accept it. After all, she was his.

You’re not, but you take and cherish all that Joel has to give you. You live for it. You could forget about all of your troubles with him. He sees it in the way your hands linger on his when he helps you up after a fight, and he often feels the back of his neck burning with your stares. He likes the attention you give him.

You don’t have to kill much, but Joel’s tendency to protect Ellie from death has rubbed off on you. You kill when needed, and each time, once the body lays still, Joel notices you pause. You take time to observe the life you took, and a profound sadness overtakes you. Not remorse, though. Joel has found that you don’t regret what you had to do. He thinks you got that from Tess.

Unfortunately, that habit of yours teaches him how thoroughly fucked he is.

Joel gets knocked to the ground by a hunter. His head snaps back against the ground. Not hard enough to concuss, but it rattles him to the point that he can’t get the damn guy off of him. In the haze, he doesn’t feel the knife resting on the skin of his neck.

You see it, though, and in moments, you're on the hunter. 

Joel is too dazed to realize what had occurred until you’re leaning over him, cupping his jaw gently as you examine his face. 

His eyes dance between you and the hunter just inches away. He’s a pile of bloodied flesh. You don’t care. There’s blood on you. It’s thick and coats your arms and torso. All you do is ask Joel questions. Are you alright? Do you think you’re concussed? Do you need help getting up? Your eyes are on him– him alone.

He tries keeping up with your questions. Not just because they’re important, but because he wants to please you. You– who put aside your morals just to dote on him. You– the woman he vowed to protect. You– the new object of Joel’s infatuation.

***

The first time he really touches you, you’re speechless.

You’ve felt his touch before. It’s unavoidable– a graze of calloused fingertips over a wound you can’t reach, a helping hand lifting you over a high ledge, fingers lingering just a moment after handing rations. But this time, it’s different. It’s not accidental, nor the result of your forced proximity.

Ellie’s asleep, snoring softly just a few feet away.

You and Joel had an argument. A minor disagreement, really. He refuses to let you take the night watch and let him sleep. So, you sit in silence.

He’s tearing himself apart with his martyrdom. He sacrifices his sleep so he can take watch instead of you. He takes all the heat in fights, leaving you and Ellie unscathed, but him with unsavory injuries. He gives you and Ellie larger shares of food. You swear he’s lost weight since you’ve joined them. You pointed this all out to him earlier in the night. And he didn’t take it well.

You two don’t argue frequently. For that, you’re grateful. Joel’s not the best company, even by today’s standards, but you’ve come to enjoy having him by your side. He’s courteous, helpful, and has an unexpectedly good sense of humor. But when you get into a disagreement, you wonder why you joined him in the first place. He becomes something else, cold and detached. He’s so venomous and vile that you find your chest hurting with frustration.

You’re both still recovering from earlier. It was a tame disagreement by your standards. Both of you managed to get over it just enough to sit next to each other by the fire. For warmth, you both agreed.

Hours after the sun disappears, the moon and stars being the only light in the sky, Joel shifts. You almost ask what’s the matter, then he takes his hand in yours, resting it on his thigh.

You don’t tense. You don’t look at him. You don’t signal in any way that he’s actually touching you. His fingers brush over your knuckles, calluses scratching against taught skin over joints, and strangely, your heart flutters. He falls asleep like that, your hand in his.

A week later, under the blanket of night, Joel fucks you against a tree.

There’s no tenderness in it, but it’s not like you expected anything different. 

He tells you to keep it down. It's an obscene request that he makes as though his hands aren’t up your shirt, grabbing at you like you’re the only person in the world. He makes it seem like the drilling of his hips into you doesn’t make it near-impossible to keep it down.

He makes quick work of you. His fingers deftly rub at your clit until you're swallowing the noises of your orgasm. Joel doesn’t last much longer, pulling out and spilling himself on your thighs. 

You don’t talk about it the next morning. You keep the appearance of “normalcy”, for Ellie’s sake. You just hope she doesn’t notice the smiles you share behind her back.

***

His dreams change. Now most nights, he’s back in Boston in his shitty bed that cost way too many ration cards. That doesn’t matter though, because it’s peaceful. 

Sunlight peeks through the curtain and warms the skin of his face. The streets outside are quiet. He’s warm, satisfied, and safe.

He’s alone in bed, but someone flitters around the apartment out of view. He hears it: footsteps all around the space, the quiet clang of dishes being stacked on top of each other, a feminine humming.

He can’t move in those dreams, forced to keep his eyes on the bright window– the one with the butterfly.

He wants to call her name. Tess, Tess, Tess. The syllable sits on the tip of his tongue, yet he can’t manage to say it. The word refuses to leave his lips. It’s like his body knows something he doesn’t.

It knows that something is wrong.

***

With every brush of Joel’s fingers against yours, Ellie is watching. 

She’s waiting to pounce. Joel knows it. One wrong move and Ellie’s going to say it, accuse him of what he knows she’s thinking.

So, you two like a…

Pass.

Ellie wasn’t stupid. She knew what that meant. Ellie saw it in his eyes when they left Tess at the state house. As he watched it burn with Tess inside. 

Not to feel the way I felt…

She read that letter from Bill.

The girl is a quintessential post-outbreak kid. She’s anxious for a fight, angry, and emotionally repressed. But the girl was also raised in a military school, and it made her observant. So every touch your way, every smile at you, and every thought he makes, Ellie knows.

Joel avoids Ellie for a long time, but she manages to get through. 

You’re somewhere in West Virginia. You’ve been with Joel and Ellie for about a month, just enough time for fall to settle in. 

It isn’t as bad as in Boston where, by the time the leaves turned, the days were too cold to even enjoy the beauty of it. West Virginia, though, sure the nights were chilly, but the days were pleasing.

It reminds him of Austin. Austin never really had a true autumn. The season came with the bloom of red, orange, and yellow leaves, but there was no chill of the impending winter. In Austin, it looked different, but felt just the same– or close enough. He loved it. He misses it.

Joel holds a photo in his hand. The one he took from your mantle the morning you abandoned the farm. It’s you and Tess, beaming at the camera. He keeps it folded in his pocket at all times in case he needs it to bring comfort. Currently he does.

The photo has rubbed away at the seam of the fold. If Joel ever decided to unfold it, to look at you two as one, there would be a white crease in the middle. A divide. He doesn’t, though. Joel never unfolds it and resorts to looking at either of you one at a time.

Now, it’s you staring back at him. A moment ago, it was Tess.

Ellie sits on the opposite side of the fire. You’re sleeping off the last of a fever you managed to catch. 

He wants to reach out to you, pull you in his arms until the fever breaks. The urge gnaws at him, makes something twist and burn deep in his gut. He should think. He needs to think. Not with Ellie watching him, though. He needs her off his back.

Here goes nothing.

He says her name, once, curtly. Her eyes widen slightly, just for a moment, but composes herself. She sits up tall. Joel lets her speak first. It takes her a moment, but she speaks like she’s been considering her words for a long time.

“Tess said you didn’t feel the way she felt.”

“I cared for her. For Tess.” Ellie frowns, eyes squinted as she bores into his very being. “A lot,” Joel adds.

“Does her sister know that?”

Joel says Ellie’s name, quietly. It’s meant to be a warning, but as it passes through his lips he can’t help but think it sounds pathetic. Pathetic, like you fucking Tess’s kid sister. His jaw ticks as something putrid curdles in his stomach.

No. No. He refuses to let a child judge him. What does she know about relationships? What does she know about love?

Love? No, not love. Not love. Physical relationships, that’s what this is about. Not love. No, Joel doesn’t love. Not Tess. And certainly not you, not that you matter in this case, because Tess has nothing to do with you.

He looks back at the photo in his hand. Tess stares back at him.

“You’re replacing her, Joel.”

***

Joel isn’t a man to cherish. He loves nothing– nobody. You’ve seen him kill more times than you can count, and not all of those deaths were deserving. 

He reveals himself in pieces and only on rare occasions. You learn of his past slowly. He was a hunter. He has a brother, one who left him years ago. He may have had a child at one point. He wanted to be a singer when he was a boy.

You’ve known one thing from the start, and it’s that he tends to you like you’re the only thing that matters.

You found a settlement. Just for the night, they let you stay in a house– a real one, with showers, working locks, nice furniture, and all. You almost cry when you rub the homemade soap bar against your skin. You feel like a new person when you step out of the shower, your skin soft and glowing in a way you haven’t experienced in years.

If you had to be honest, the separate bedrooms are your favorite part.

You’re not even out of the shower for a minute before Joel has you beneath him on the bed. 

He fists a hand into your still dripping hair and tugs. His tongue pushes its way into your mouth, and you welcome the taste of him– it’s fresh, like the toothpaste you had traded for once you came to town. You chase his lips as he pulls back. 

“Couldn’t wait for you to come out, baby.” He adds, “Need you.” You believe it. You believe it wholeheartedly and it makes heat wash through your body. Joel has a way of making you feel like that.

His jean-clad hips rut into your plush thigh. The buckle digs into your skin, nearly camouflaging the sensation of his cock. 

The towel you wrapped yourself in has unfolded, leaving you exposed to the cold air of the bedroom. Your nipples stiffen. Joel takes one between his fingers, twisting and pulling as he groans into your mouth. His spare hand works on removing his pants. You explore the expanse of his back.

Deft fingers move from your breasts to your core. Joel’s thumb rubs at your clit, while two fingers trace the seam of your entrance. His fingers are cold, you clench around nothing as they tease you. Joel doesn’t get many opportunities to drag things out, to tease you until tears are running down your face. You love that side of him. It helps you imagine what it would be like to be with him before the infection. But tonight isn’t the time. 

You swat his hand away, murmuring, “Don’t need that,” you swat his hands. “Just want you.”

Joel hesitates. You do need that, and he knows you know that fact. It’s been a few weeks since you last fucked. It was sure to be a stretch. His eyes wash over your face, searching for any uncertainty before he nods and notches himself at your entrance.

It’s not a smooth coupling by any means. You rushed into things too fast. His length rubs unpleasantly against your walls as he pushes in. Though, you pull him closer with your legs. You just needed to feel him.

He holds your hips up as he pistons into you. He moves slowly tonight. There’s no urgency, no threat that Ellie might come around the corner and catch you in the act. You indulge in the rare intimacy.

You dig your face into the crook of his neck. Every inhale you take is purely him. “Driving me crazy, Miller,” you whisper.

“Good,” Joel laughs. He’s never laughed during sex before. You figured he wasn’t the type, that letting loose like that in the act wasn’t his style. Apparently not.

You reach your peak quicker than expected. It washes over you in lazy waves, softening your muscles and melting you into the bed beneath you. It drains you. Or maybe the luxury of the bed beneath you is causing your exhaustion.

Luckily, Joel’s not far behind, pulling out and working himself to his peak. He cums on your stomach, your newly cleaned skin now dirtied with your sweat and his seed. You’re too tired and too blissed out to care though. You can always shower again in the morning.

Joel takes your discarded towel to clean your stomach. He throws it to the ground before settling himself at your side. You roll over, letting him adhere to your back.

Your eyes are drawn to the towel. Next to it are Joel’s discarded jeans. Something sticks out of his pocket. You squint.

It’s Tess– one of the pictures of her you had on your mantle. You were in that photo too, but it was folded in half, and now you had to stare at your deceased sister. The photo was one you had offered to Joel. Photos ain’t gonna change a thing, he had said back then on the farm. It irked you. It irked you for so long that you had been hesitant at the start of your relationship– if that's what you could call this. Back then, you had been afraid of getting attached to him. You were scared he wouldn’t ever call you his.

But he had the photo, and it’s… somewhat disturbing. He had been so cold then when you asked him. You only offered it because you thought he and Tess were closer. After all, she asked him to take care of you, and he listened. Then he turned it down, and you realized– assumed –you misinterpreted them. You accepted it as the truth.

He has it now, though. However many months later he has that photo.

Joel’s arm tightens around your waist, pulling your back closer to his chest. “What are you thinkin’ about?” He sounds tired. 

You thought he was asleep, assuming the relative safety of the settlement and your nightly activities would be enough to knock him out. You’re tired too. Part of you wants to forget it, lean back into Joel’s arms and fall asleep. Then you see her staring back at you, her smile frozen in time. 

You wonder if Joel buried her. You wonder if Joel shot her. He didn’t tell you much about her passing, only that she had been infected, and chose to end it before turning. He never said how it ended.

“Were you and Tess together?”

It’s a simple question. So simple, and yet Joel hesitates. You count the seconds it takes him to answer you. One, two, three, four, five, six–

“No.”

Six seconds.

“Okay.”

Tess smiles back at you.

[heesdreamer]

HOMES NOT HOME

PAIRING ➩ jay x reader

SUMMARY ➩ recently smitten with the most popular guy on campus, park sunghoon, you’re struck with the rumor that he only likes girls with experience. your only option is to ask your best friend for help.

WARNINGS ➩ smut and uhh i can’t remember honestly lol nothing crazy

WC ➩ 15.7k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ loosely based and named after this song so listen if you’d like. my mental health has been bad so this isn’t proofread AT ALL and it was written in tiny fragments over the week instead of my normal one sitting so sorry if it’s not consistent or choppy

“I need you to have sex with me.”

You were stating it casually as you crossed through the threshold of your best friends apartment, using your copy of the key to let yourself in and throwing your bag loosely on the couch before attacking him with the direct statement.

He was sitting at his desk and you watched him impatiently as he slowly turned his chair in your direction, pushing his glasses off his nose and onto his head as he stared at you with a bored expression.

“What the hell are you talking about?” He was asking you in his usual steady tone and you let out a groan before approaching him dramatically and dropping to your knees in front of his spinning chair.

TWO HOURS EARLIER

“Wait.. are you serious?” Your head was picking up at the sound of your friends confused voice, falling into a disbelieving laugh that caused you to send her a sharp glare and move your hair out of your face.

“What’s so funny about that?” You were spitting at her in frustration, having just confessed to her your undying crush on a boy at your school. You’d dramatically slammed your head down onto the table afterwards and only lifted it back up when you heard her insulting tone.

“You are so not Sunghoon’s type.” Yuna was shaking her head and casually scrolling through her phone as she broke the news to you, not even bothering to let you down gently or pay you a second of attention.

She wasn’t necessarily trying to be rude, she was simply just used to your antics and impulsive behavior. When you’d approached the table in anguish citing that you were in an unrequited love with a member of the biggest frat on campus, she’d automatically knew you were in one of your erratic moods.

“What’s his type then?” You were piqued with interest and scooting forward in anticipation for her answer, your butt leaving the seat as your elbows slide across the table and you were leaned on top of it.

“I don’t know… girls like him I guess.” She shrugged softly and finally glanced over her glass screen to look at you as she delivered the final blow. “Girls with experience.”

Jay was staring down at you from where he was sat at his chair, his face unchanging as you clutched onto his knee and dramatically retold the story that had led you to making such a ridiculous request when you walked through the door. He was more used to your behavior than anybody else and had the knowledge and experience to not take you seriously.

“And what does this have to do with me exactly?” He was sighing and your mouth parted in disbelief, genuinely not understanding how he wasn’t getting where you were coming from.

“Are you kidding me? Dude we’ve been friends since like… forever. Who else would I do it with?” You were sitting back on the carpet now that you could tell he wasn’t going to budge, leaning back on your palms and still sitting at his feet.

The phrase to describe the duration of your friendship, wasn’t one of your exaggerations. You’d actually been friends for as long as you can remember and the two of you had never been separated since meeting, becoming quickly known as a solid unit and never being seen without the other.

It slowed down as you got older and gained your own personalities and hobbies, surprisingly opposites considering you’d spend all of your developmental years together but it never put much of a hinderance on your friendship. Jay kept you steady and grounded when you were close to bouncing off the walls and you made sure he didn’t rot away in his apartment having no social life.

“Plus, you’ve been with girls haven’t you?” You were asking him slowly and he just stared at you in response, sighing softly when your mouth curled into a knowing smile and you sat back up on your knees.

“Why do you want to be with a douchebag like Park Sunghoon anyways?” He was looking away from you as he said it, looking only slightly flushed at your sitting position before he was diverting his attention back to the laptop on the desk in front of him.

“He’s not that bad. He’s way better than the last few guys.” You were trying to justify your taste but you could see him rolling his eyes, knowing that your standards were extremely low and it didn’t take a lot to be better than your exes.

You were sighing softly and standing up off the floor, making your way across the room and flopping down on his bed with a flair of dramatics. You landed on your stomach but you looked back over your shoulder to see if he was watching you and your antics, smiling softly when you saw that he was, out of the corner of his eye.

“Fine, since you don’t want to do it I’ll just have to find somebody else.” You made sure to keep your voice extra disappointed and dramatic and you heard him let out a small scoff at your exaggeration. “I’ll just ask that Jeongguk guy from the arts department, you know the one who keeps making passes at me every party.”

You glanced back over at him and couldn’t help the laugh that escaped from your lips when you saw the annoyed expression on his face. He was wheeling the chair closer to the bed and sighing again, taking his glasses off of his forehead so he could run his hands through his hair.

“Wouldn’t it be too weird?” He was asking and you were sitting back up in anticipation now that he was asking questions, possibly interested in accepting your proposal. “I mean.. are you even attracted to me?”

Your mouth was falling open slightly as you stared at him in disbelief, leaning forward slightly to see if he was being serious before you were frowning at him. “Are you being serious right now?”

He didn’t say anything and he didn’t need to, knowing that you knew he was always serious, almost painfully so sometimes. He was watching you as you scooted forward so you were closer to the edge of the bed and by default closer to where he had pulled the chair up to, looking into his eyes earnestly as you dropped the worlds most awkward truth bomb on him.

“Jay. You’re like… sexy.” You were telling him in a flat voice and he could tell you were being serious but he couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of him at your sincere tone and the frown that only deepened when he chuckled at you.

“Okay fine, so when would we do this?” He was asking and you gasped with excitement, sitting up fully and throwing yourself onto his lap so you could wrap your arms around him in thanks, squealing slightly when the chair spun around at the sudden collision and nearly tipped the both of you over onto the floor.

You’d left his apartment with the promise to return the next night for your first lessons, thanking him with a big grin and failing to notice the apprehension he had in his eyes when he gave you a half smile back before closing his door.

——

Never in your entire life had you felt nervous to see your bestfriend. Not even after you’d gotten your period for the first time in gym class and everybody had laughed and pointed, not when your parents had first started to talk about divorce and you had to go and stay with him and his mom for a few days and not even when you’d gotten totally dumped right before prom night and showed up at his door in your dress with makeup running down your face.

You’d never been hesitant to raise your hand to knock on his door, cringing after you did so and the foreign noise rang far too loud, remembering suddenly that you had your own key and typically would just let yourself in.

Still, you waited for him to come open the door and you scowled at yourself when you instinctively flattened your hair and tried to lean against the door in a semi seductive way. He was swinging the door open with a raised eyebrow before you had the chance to stand upright and amusement paused over his features as he looked at you.

“Are you trying to rob me or something?” He was asking and you swiftly were reminded of who you were here to see, your shoulders losing tension as you pushed past him into the room.

“I was trying to be sexy dickhead.” You were complaining to him and you tried not to feel nervous again as you sat down on his bed, glancing at him to see him watching you from over by the couch. “So how do we do this?”

He was shrugging softly after a few seconds but still approaching you and also sitting on the bed, a normal distance away from you but for some reason it felt both too close and too far away. You were reminded why you hadn’t lost your virginity yet despite the overwhelming desire to, freezing up and becoming awkward whenever you entered a situation that could potentially lead to it.

“First, you’ve gotta relax dude.” He was sighing and you look over at him with a frown, not surprised that he had immediately clocked your hesitation. “It’s just me.”

This fact did little to help you now that you thought about it. You’d immediately came to him because he was your other half and there was no way you’d ever find somebody you were more comfortable being vulnerable with but you hadn’t considered the fact you’d actually have to have sex with him to have sex with him.

Jay was attractive, something you’ve always known and never bothered to deny despite not outwardly announcing it. You listened bitterly to your other friends gossip and gush about him once you entered high school and he hit puberty, growing rapidly in height and his features sharpening.

It only worsened when he became obsessed with going to the gym after school and wearing clothes that showed off his arms even when it was cold outside.

You were filled with a weird sense of pride that he had chosen to be your best friend even throughout his growing popularity, denying dates with beautiful girls if the two of you already had plans and never paying any mind to the way your friends would throw themselves at him every time you managed to drag him out to parties with you.

Yet you’d never thought of him in that way, despite your moms always talking about how the two of you were destined to be married and how most guys you encountered told you that they’d just assumed Jay was your boyfriend and never bothered to try and flirt with you because of that.

“We should probably kiss each other.” You were suddenly blurting out and his face instinctively scrunched up at the suggestion, causing you to sigh softly and look at him in bewilderment. “We can’t have sex and not kiss, that’s super weird.”

“I know I know.” He was telling you and he was sitting up from where he’d been leaned against the headboard and you flushed now that he was closer to you, feeling weird that his presence was causing that within this specific context.

You’d kissed Jay before, quite a few times but it was never anything more than quick press of your lips or a peck that you immediately recoiled from. He’d actually been your first kiss, surging forward during a spin the bottle game in middle school before anybody else got the chance and you had thanked him with ice cream later that night for saving your virgin lips from one of the creepy older boys eyeing you.

That was just Jay, the most selfless and caring best friend you could ever imagine and you felt lucky every time he was doing you a ridiculous favor at 4am after you’d awaken him from his deep sleep.

Another reason why you hadn’t hesitated in asking him to help you with this although now you were slightly regretting it and not the biggest fan of how quick he was to accept anything you wished for. He was eyeing you curiously and you knew he had sensed your hesitance, making you worried that he would back out under the impression you didn’t actually want this to happen.

You were moving closer to him before he could do so and his eyes widened for a second at your sudden close proximity before his eyes were falling down to your lips and then back up again like he was asking for permission.

You nodded softly but you still weren’t prepared for the way his hand came up to cup the side of your face gently, helping you meet him halfway into a kiss and you tensed up at the contact. He pulled back for a second after barely touching your lips, waiting for you to loosen up and when your shoulders were dropping and you pushed forward again he finally moved more.

The first thing you noticed was that Jay was a good kisser. He was moving against you slowly but you could tell he was taking it easy on you, his thumb swiping along your cheek to keep your anxiety calm and if you didn’t know any better you’d think this wasn’t a big deal at all to him. But you did know better, in fact you knew best, and you could tell he was equally as nervous as you were judging by the way his eyes darted around your face every time he pulled back to make sure it was still okay.

“Can I try more?” He was rasping out to you and your stomach tightened at the sound of his voice. You thought you’d heard all of his voices, having heard him angry and yelling or upset with his voice cracking around words before fading out into a low whisper but you’d never heard it like this before.

You didn’t even think before nodding your head, leaning towards him again in a daze and ignoring the soft laugh he let out as your lips connected once more. He was kissing you the same as before, slow and patient so he didn’t push your limits and you were growing slightly impatient until you felt his tongue swipe across your lower lip.

Your mouth parted in a surprised gasp but he seemed to take this as an invitation, slipping it into your mouth and you squirmed at the feeling of him licking into the kiss. You shifted forward towards him instinctively on the bed and you felt your knee collide with his, ignoring it in favor of pushing your own tongue against his and listening to the small groan that slipped out of his mouth.

“Is it okay?” He was barely pulling back to ask and you were still trying to move closer to him as he spoke, making the words muffled as he ignored your desperation. You were nodding as an answer to him and he seemed pleased by your confirmation before remembering he was meant to be teaching you. “Try sucking on it a little.”

Your eyes widened at his suggestion and you stopped trying to kiss him so you could stare up at him in confusion, watching in amusement as his ears turned slightly red and he looked something close to bashful for suggesting it.

“Does that make you feel good?” You were whispering to him, speaking for the first time since this started and his eyes shot back down to your lips now that they were moving.

“I-I mean.. I think most guys would like it.” He was trying to justify his reasoning for suggesting something so specific but he could tell by your smile that was slowly growing that you were just messing with him, sighing softly before leaning into you again to reconnect the kiss.

Despite you making fun of him, you still were nervous to test out what he had suggested and you were grateful that he started off slow again and didn’t immediately stick his tongue down your throat. He kissed you gently for almost too long and you decided to act before he did, parting his lips slightly and deepening it yourself. He hummed in approval and your face flushed red at the small noise, fighting the urge to retreat and hide your face from him.

You could feel him take a deep breath when you were hesitantly sucking his tongue into your mouth, twisting your head sideways so you could take it deeper and pull back and forth along it.

His hand was shooting to your knee and gripping it tightly at the feeling, giving you a warning to stop that you quickly ignored. You never thought that kissing Jay would feel so good, leave you shuffling forward into his touch on your leg and desperately kissing him continuously to ensure he wouldn’t stop.

He was making another low sound into your mouth and only then did you pull off for a second, breathing heavily and staring at him with hooded eyes. He held your stare for a few seconds before he was looking away suddenly, his expression not giving anything away but you could tell he was starting to overthink about the whole situation.

“Is it too weird?” You were asking him and he glanced over at you at the sound of your breathy voice, eyes shooting down to your swollen lips and then back to his hand that was still on your knee.

He removed it and you weirdly felt a pang of disappointment at the movement, scooting closer to him on the bed and leaning forward slightly into his line of vision so he had no choice but to give his attention to you. His expression was neutral again when he looked at you and you found yourself cursing the fact your bestfriend was so stoic.

“I think we should stop here for the day.” He was telling you in a calm voice and your mouth fell into a pout of disappointment without you even realizing it, only noticing it when his eyes went back to your lips and stayed there when he saw the way they were jutted out.

“We barely even did anything.” You weren’t embarrassed by the childish whine slipping into your tone, knowing perfectly well what typically got Jay to succumb to your wants and you could tell he was weak spirited in his attempt to stop early by the way he sighed softly and continued to stare at you in contemplation.

“What else did you want to do?” His question was making you freeze up, not expecting the control to be handed over to you and you instinctively shrugged as the familiar nerves crept back up.

He quickly picked up on your body language and the fact you didn’t want to be the one in charge of making the decisions, sensing the panic building inside you at his lack of control and he shifted on the bed before sighing once again and shaking his head to himself in disbelief. You watched him as he leaned back up against the headboard, his legs spread out in front of him and your eyes widened slightly when he was patting his lap expectantly.

“You always sit on my lap, don’t overthink it.” He was instructing you when you he saw your facial expression and you nodded softly before you were scooting forward and situating yourself sideways on his lap, directly on top of his thighs and holding onto his shoulders so you didn’t lose your balance.

He was right, you did often sit on his lap even when he groaned and told you to get off and you rarely thought twice about doing the action but you didn’t ever sit in his lap with this weird energy in the room. And you definitely never sat in his lap and leaned down to kiss him again like you were now, moving without realizing but you were grateful that he was quickly kissing you back without any hesitation now and you could feel his hand laying over your own legs to hold your waist and keep you steady.

You were slightly above him in the new position so he had to crane his neck to meet with your lips and you could feel his jaw tensing under where your hand was moving to, holding his face gently and kissing him deeper.

His hand was tightening when you shifted in place uncomfortably and you pulled out of the kiss to glance at him, seeing his awkward expression for just a second before your eyes were falling down to where you were sat against him. You shifted again experimentally and he let out a low groan, squeezing your waist almost painfully on reflex and your lips curled back into a smile.

“Cut it out.” He was squeezing out the words in a wince and you ignored him, shifting your hips over his again and feeling him lift his fingers to swat at your skin where your shirt had ridden up. “I said cut it out dickhead.”

“Can’t you at least pretend we are doing this for real?” You were stopping in your movements to pout down at him, your hand leaving his face and instead brushing through his hair gently. He was watching you with an annoyed expression but you knew it wasn’t sincere. “Try dirty talking to me or something.”

He snorted out a laugh of disbelief and shook his head, denying your request even when your pout deepened and you huffed in disappointment. You were a bit confused within yourself at your own request, not necessarily needing practice in that department but for some reason you wanted to hear his voice more while you were doing this.

“I’m not going to dirty talk.” He was denying even harder, seemingly genuinely flabbergasted that you were asking him to do that and you sighed softly.

“At least say something nice, call me pretty or something.” Your hands were running through his hair as you spoke and he lost his amused expression after a few seconds, staring at you as he processed your words and instinctively leaning closer to your touch.

He was kissing you again then and you were throw off by how familiar it felt, how easy it was for you to immediately move against him like this was something you’d been doing for years. It felt different now that his hands were touching you, squeezing your lower back so you were leaning forward towards his chest and still using your hands in his hair to tilt his head back and give you more access.

“You know you’re pretty.” He was breathing out the words into your mouth and you smiled into the kiss, deepening it again once more before you were pulling back a bit to respond to him.

“So pretty it makes you crazy?” Your voice was teasing again and his eyes flashed with a glint of something you didn’t recognize, watching you in a way that would’ve made you squirm if it was anybody else.

But it wasn’t anybody else, it was him and because it was him you were able to laugh softly before wrapping your arms around his neck and laying your head on his shoulder, grateful when he took the hint that you were done for now and leaned further into the headboard so you could both lay down with you still in his lap.

You tried not to think about the fact you could taste Jay on your lips still or the low noises that were pulled out of him just a few minutes ago, instead just laying there with him and hoping you wouldn’t regret this.

——

After you’d left his apartment you didn’t see Jay for the next two days. It wasn’t extremely rare that you were apart that long but it was right around the amount of time where you’d start to get antsy and miss being in his comforting presence, always finding a natural relaxer in him and his calm personality so you didn’t think twice before you were heading over to his place after your final class for the day.

You were skipping a step at a time as you made your way up to his apartment floor, passing through the outside walkway and the other residents tables and children’s toys with familiarity and ease.

Your fingers were reaching down into your bag in search of your key, adorned on the keychain that contained a polaroid of the two of you from high school also attached. Your search slowed to a stop when you rounded the last corner and saw that his door was already open, eyebrows furrowing at the fact he was standing in the doorway and smiling as he talked to a girl standing against the outside railing.

She was grinning back at him, flicking her hair back over her shoulder and your eyes narrowed at the way she laughed loudly and leaned forward to push against his arm teasingly.

Jay was extremely nice with an overload of manners and gentle acts of kindness but he definitely wasn’t the most social person you knew and you rarely saw him interacting with people outside of you and a few boys he’d met at work. You absolutely didn’t recognize her and you were certain you’d never seen her before, even more so when he was catching sight of you out of the corner of his eye and you saw them widen slightly.

She was noticing that he was distracted and following his line of sight, mouth pursing in confusion when she saw you and your pointed glare.

It made you feel worse that she clearly had no idea who you were, extremely unnerved at the idea of somebody knowing Jay yet never hearing of you and you didn’t care about the weird way your stomach turned when he cleared his throat to bring her attention back towards him.

She glanced over at you once more before looking back at him and your scowl deepened when she automatically was falling into that smile again, flirty and seductive as she titled her head slightly. You watched as he gave her a small wave goodbye after saying something you couldn’t hear and you didn’t bother turning your body when she walked past, leaving her to awkwardly squeeze past you.

Jay was watching the exchange and sighed softly when he saw your dark expression, turning around and heading back into his apartment but leaving the door open so you could follow.

“Who was that?” You were demanding as you stormed through, setting your bag down on the kitchen counter and turning towards where he was situating himself down on the couch.

“New hire at work.” He was explaining in a bored tone and you watched as he looked over his shoulder at you, immediately understanding that you wanted more context and shrugging softly as he continued. “I’m supposed to show her the ropes and she asked to go out for coffee.”

“She walked you home?” You were interjecting and slipping off your shoes, making your way over to the couch and sitting up on your knees next to him once you got over there.

He nodded his head in confirmation, watching you carefully and you frowned softly. Jay was used to your possessiveness when it came to him and sharing his time and energy, it had actually caused a few arguments between the two of you that always ended with you crying and apologizing for your behavior and him telling you it was okay and that he really didn’t mind.

Sometimes you thought he was just saying it to be nice and make you feel better but other times you had a hunch that he actually didn’t mind your clinginess. You’d see a small smirk playing on his face when you stayed close to him at parties or sent sharp stares towards girls who were eyeing him with terrible intentions.

“She was pretty.” You were telling him matter of factly but you were watching him carefully to see how he’d respond and he gave you a knowing look before shaking his head.

“I didn’t realize.” He was responding and you smiled at his attempt at a safe answer, leaning closer into his side and tugging at his sleeve with impatience.

“What are you teaching me today, oh wise one.” He was scrunching up his nose at your choice of title towards him and you could feel him tensing against you at the reminder he was meant to be showing you more things today, only just having finished reeling from kissing earlier in the week.

He wasn’t answering right away so you were sitting up to look at him better, still leaning into him but closer to his face now and in a better position to catch the way his eyes darted down to your lips for a few seconds too long. He was meeting your eyes again and he saw the excitement in them before you were leaning in to kiss him.

You weren’t wasting anytime today considering you’d already pushed past the awkwardness of actually kissing for the first time, throwing your leg over his on the couch so you were straddling his lap and you cut off the small inhale he took at the feeling by licking into his mouth.

His hands were sliding back around to your back, just to rest there as you lowered yourself down on him and leaned fully into the kiss. You weren’t going to admit to him how much you liked kissing him, keeping it a secret within yourself that you almost wished you could just do this for the rest of the night. Just almost though because his hands were squeezing against your waist and you felt a surge of want run through you.

“Can I put you in my mouth?” You were pulling off to whisper into his mouth and his entire body tensed up at your words.

“Jesus christ Y/N.” He was scolding you for your sudden exclamation but you could feel the way his hips twitched in interest underneath your weight. “Warn a guy before you say something like that.”

“It’s important though, isn’t it?” You were muttering to him and ignoring his complaints, circling your hips over him and smiling softly when he let out a low groan at the feeling. He looked slightly pained and conflicted and you almost laughed at him but held it in so he wouldn’t tell you no. “Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it before, I’m a girl after all.”

“I didn’t realize you were a girl until like junior year.” He was teasing back but your frown immediately deepened and you shoved his shoulder in irritation. He laughed softly at your reaction but didn’t say anything else when you rocked your hips again.

“You’ve really never thought about it?” You were asking him again but your tone was different now, breathier and nearly a purr as you hovered your mouth over his. He kissed you softly for just a second before you were pulling slightly out of his reach. “Never once thought about sticking your cock down my throat Jay?”

He cursed under his breath again but this time you could tell he was taking you seriously, his hands tightening continuously around your hips and helping you rock against him. You were letting out a small hiccuped gasp and falling forward slightly onto his chest at the feeling of him pushing up into you, feeling him hard underneath you.

You’d never thought about Jay being hard before and a year ago the idea probably would have made you throw up in your mouth. You were trying to convince yourself that this reaction was purely biological, throbbing now at the feeling of him pressing against you continuously, but you couldn’t stop staring at his hooded eyes and the way his jaw tensed every time you lowered yourself harder onto him.

“Get on your knees then.” He was mumbling out against your lips and you felt a shiver wrack through you at the stern tone he had taken, hearing it hundreds of times before and you mostly never listened to him but your body instinctively was sliding off his lap and hitting the carpet.

You were sat next to his feet with wide and confused eyes, watching him to see what you were supposed to do next and he seemed to snap out of it and remember he was supposed to be showing you how to do it, shaking his head slightly to ground himself before lifting his hips off the couch and undoing his belt with one hand.

You watched him with fascination as you leaned forward to get closer to him, your hands landing on his thighs and feeling the muscle clench under your hands.

He paused for a second and was staring at you long enough for you to start shifting uncomfortably, not being able to read the expression on his face and taking it as a negative considering how weird the situation was.

“You can close your eyes and pretend it’s someone else if you need to.” You were offering the out to him and his eyebrows furrowed at your suggestion, although not saying anything as he slid his pants down his thighs.

Your eyes were dropping to his crotch and they widened slightly, completely forgetting about the weird moment you’d just had and leaning forward again so you could touch him. He swore under his breath when you rubbed your hand over the print in his boxers, muttering something about you warning him again.

“Stop being so tense.” You were telling him as you continued to touch him over the fabric, watching with interest as his stomach clenched and he tongued at his cheek.

“Sorry it’s just… you’re touching my dick dude.” He was wincing out and scrunching his nose at the sentence, causing a small laugh to slip out of you before you were getting serious again and squeezing his length softly.

“This is supposed to be sexy.” Your tone was slightly disappointed and he picked his head up from where it’d fallen back against the couch, looking at you and your dejected expression before his gaze was falling to your hand on top of him.

“Yeah, don’t worry about that.” He was responding in a low tone and you were confused for a second before flushing at the realization he was implying this was attractive to him without any effort.

He wasn’t saying anything again after that and you noticed he was a bit too distracted to actually give you a play by play, something you didn’t mind considering how it might take you out of the moment and make you too nervous to be given specific instructions to follow. You decided to just try your best and hope he would correct you if you hurt him or did anything wrong.

You were leaning forward to put your mouth on him, instinctively sucking softly over his underwear and he let out a loud groan again, his hips kicking forward automatically and you smiled against him at the apology he forced out.

It was making you feel weird that you were so enamored by the faces Jay made when he was feeling good, the way his jaw clenched and the breaths he hissed through his teeth. You were shifting in your kneeling position uncomfortably with the wetness dripping down your thighs.

“Take it out.” You were telling him softly, trying to distract yourself from this realization and he picked his head up again to look at you for a second before nodding swiftly and lifting his hips up off the couch again.

You expected him to be more hesitant like he had been, looking like he was on the verge of calling this whole ordeal off at every move you made, so you were slightly thrown off when his cock was suddenly bare and standing straight right in front of your face. Your eyes widened slightly at the appearance and you could feel him staring down at your face to gauge your reaction.

“This is pretty impressive Jay.” You were remaking before glancing up at him and seeing an amused look pass over his face before he was rolling his eyes at you.

“Yeah.. so maybe we should work on dirty talk.” He was retorting, making fun of your plain style of a compliment.

You were being honest though, genuinely thrown off by his size and length. This was something you’ve definitely thought about just not in such a hands on way, more so out of curiosity to what your quiet friend was packing and wondering the reasoning behind the small smirk he got around his male friends whenever they started arguing over who was bigger.

You didn’t need to wonder anymore, clearly having your answer now and whilst you’d never paid much thought to your best friends dick size, it was undeniable that it was big enough to make your mouth instinctively water.

His hand was gently pushing your hair out of your face as you leaned forward towards his lower half again and your eyes snapped up once more just for a second, faltering slightly at the affectionate look in his eyes as he tucked some loose strands behind your ears and then you were fully moving forward and taking his head into your mouth.

“Oh fuck.” The words were slipping out of his mouth and you could tell he was using a lot of his focus to stop himself from bucking forward into your mouth. “D-don’t worry about fitting it all he’ll like it if you just, fuck, do what you can then use your hands.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a second at who he was referring to and he noticed, his eyebrow cocking at your expression before you were remembering the whole reason he was letting you do this and your face flushed. You quickly tried to distract him from your mistake, licking up his length softly and feeling relief when his head was falling back in a sharp gasp.

He didn’t say anything else for awhile other than occasionally muttering that you were doing a good job or softly telling you to watch your teeth, his hand in your hair but not tugging, just resting there and keeping it out of your face.

You could tell he was close after not too long of your soft touches and amateurish licks, his hips kicking up off the couch instinctively and his free hand curling into the fabric below it. You were watching him from behind your eyelashes and you felt the urge to draw his attention back to you, give him a reason to look at you while you did this and not lean his head back against the couch.

“Go to a party with me tonight.” You were taking your mouth off of him and freezing in your movements, keeping your hand still where it was wrapped around the base of his length but squeezing it softly.

He was lifting his head up swiftly and glancing down at you with a panicked look, his eyes shooting to your hand around him and then immediately up to your face. His ears turned red when he caught sight of your swollen lips and teary eyes but he didn’t say anything about it and instead just shook his head at you.

“What are you talking about?” He was groaning out, followed by an even louder noise when you were squeezing him again. “Cut that out.”

“Tell me you’ll come with me.” You were leaning forward to suck his head into your mouth slightly, tasting the beginning of his end on your tongue and almost recoiling from the shock of the taste.

You held strong to prove your point, taking him deeper into your mouth and a heat passed through you at the fact he was watching you now, eyes transfixed down on your face and darkening as he watched you try to fit as much of him in your throat as possible. You shifted on your knees again uncomfortably due to the throbbing behind your underwear, resisting the urge to sit yourself down on his foot and take some of the pressure off your core.

He didn’t say anything regarding your request until he was getting close again, sighing when you removed your mouth once more and he realized you weren’t going to let him cum until he agreed to come with you.

“Fuck, fine I’ll go.” He was rushing out and you smiled softly at him, eyes lighting up with excitement and he thought about how familiar the expression was in such a jarring foreign setting.

Any contemplation about your strange situation was gone the second you were taking him back into your mouth, feeling how tight and wet your throat was before you were finally letting him finish. You winced at the feeling of him cumming inside your mouth but the noises he made distracted you from it, watching him become overwhelmed with pleasure that you caused.

You were smiling again even though he wasn’t looking anymore, suddenly feeling a lot better about this.

——

“I can’t believe you actually got him to come out.” You were turning around at the sound of somebody’s voice behind you, two drinks in hand and a raised eyebrow until you saw it was one of the boys from the football team who knew Jay.

“It was just some mild convincing.” You smiled at him, lips curling up and your mind flashed with the memory of how Jay looked sitting above you on the couch.

He hadn’t complained much about having to come, throwing in small statements of annoyance here and there but for the most part he’d been a good sport. You’d expected it to be more awkward around him, your own face flushing with heat when he had arrived at your dorm to pick you up but he was almost overly casual about the entire ordeal and you felt a bit childish for not being able to hold eye contact with him.

“Yeah, I guess he’s got that soft spot for you.” He was responding and shifting in his spot where he was looking out at the crowd. “I’m sure he won’t regret it after tonight.” The boy was chirping back and your own grin fell in confusion at the smirk on his face, following where his eyes were looking and fully frowning when you saw somebody standing next to your friend now.

She looked familiar, maybe a classmate or somebody who worked around campus, but you couldn’t quite place where you had seen her. Maybe this was due to the fact you weren’t at all focused on her face, your eyes locked on her hand that was wrapped around Jay’s wrist as she laughed softly at something he was saying.

He looked just as awkward as he always did but you felt like he was watching her reaction to see if she’d laugh at his comment, whatever it may be, and your eyebrow cocked softly at the fact he wasn’t moving away from her touch at all. You felt stupid when the jock next to you was awkwardly clearing his throat at your sudden silence, glancing over at him and then turning red because your own jealous thoughts regarding your best friend.

You were fully aware you had an issue when it came to being possessive over him but it had never necessarily extended to him interacting with other girls in a flirty way, especially when he genuinely seemed interested. You didn’t typically try to set him up or guide him towards a relationship but you never interfered with a potential one, you certainly never felt such a weird pit in your stomach because of it.

You were making your way back to him without saying another word to the boy beside you, two cups still tightly held in your hand and you saw the girl glance over at you as you approached.

She dropped her hand off of Jay’s arm and you smiled a wide fake grin at her, casually passing him his drink and tilting your head with faux curiosity. You could feel him looking at the side of your face as you did so, feeling your arm brush against his considering how close you had planted yourself to him and you were parting your mouth to speak before you thought about it.

“Are you Jay’s friend?” You were asking her in a friendly voice but you knew she could see the glint in your eye, the way you leaned your body towards Jay as you said his name and tightened your grip around your cup.

“I.. I mean yeah, well not really. I’m just-“ She was trying to explain with a small nervous chuckle, her eyes shooting back and forth between you and him like she expected him to interject and tell you her reason for being there.

“Not really then.” Your second smile was a lot more forced and showcasing a sympathy for her that was mean and unnecessary, slipping off when she was glaring at you slightly before turning to leave and walk around from the two of you.

You moved away from him again with a sigh once she was gone, turning your body to rest your back against the wall and take a sip from your drink. Jay was tense next to you but you didn’t notice until he was looking at you with a flat expression, clearly slightly annoyed by what you had done and you raised an eyebrow at him in question.

“Why did you do that?” He was asking and he was keeping his tone steady like he was genuinely curious but you could tell he was frustrated. You had a feeling that you’d get into an argument if you gave him a wrong answer, shifting uncomfortably and frowning softly.

“You looked uncomfortable.” You were shrugging as the lie slipped through your lips and you glanced at him when he scoffed and pressed himself against the wall next to you, shoulder bumping yours and staying there.

“Did I?” He was retorting and you could tell he knew you were lying, he always did and you felt suddenly embarrassed about how you’d reacted.

You didn’t respond to him but you turned your head to look at him between, something unidentifiable and heavily weighted in your eyes and he watched you carefully before his eyes were flicking down to your lips and then back up. Your interest was piqued at this and you were instinctively leaning closer to him, developing a habit after the last few times but stopping when he was suddenly clearing his throat.

“Park is probably around here somewhere.” He was telling you and his face pulled into a small grimace as he said it, looking away from you and missing the way you froze up slightly at the mention of the boy. “Aren’t you wanting to go find him?”

“I don’t know.” You were shrugging again and he was smiling a bit now which made you flush, knowing he was finding the shift in your mood funny. “I think I need a little more practice right?”

“Yeah?” He was still standing close to you, body slightly leaned forward so he was hovering his face near yours and this time when his eyes dropped to your lips he didn’t retract, just watching you carefully as that familiar but unreadable look crept back up in his eyes.

You didn’t respond to him out loud, not fully trusting yourself to speak but you were nodding your head softly and staring up at him with big eyes, having half a mind to stop yourself from reaching your hand up to hold his arm but a surge of want was running through you considering the way he was looking at you.

It wasn’t like people didn’t already talk about the two of you, having to explain to almost everybody you’d ever met that you weren’t dating or anything remotely close to it and people still didn’t necessarily believe you when you said it so it wouldn’t be the end of the world to touch him here, even this close to each others faces. But you’d been trying to convince them all for years and you’d feel a bit stupid to be caught doing unfriendly things with him now, especially with how new it was to you.

You also needed to remind yourself that you weren’t doing this for fun and there was an end goal here with Sunghoon, a goal that might as well be forfeited the second you started making out with your close male friend at a party he was also attending.

Jay wasn’t making it easy to remember this small fact, clouding your head and sense of judgment the longer he stared down at you and the closer you subconsciously swayed towards his steady frame. Part of you felt like your brain had made a connection, something clicking after he’d touched you for the first time and crossed that line friends typically didn’t.

“Stop looking at me like you want to kiss me.” He was mumbling but he had a small smile on his face, lip curled up as he watched you with amusement and you were sure you frowned at his teasing.

“Why can’t we?” You shifted onto your tiptoes for a second before dropping back down, your nose just barely grazing his but enough for him to follow your face back down and press a quick kiss against you like he couldn’t help himself.

He was immediately pulling away however and you watched him as he squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head softly in denial and glancing over his shoulder for a second like he was making sure nobody was watching the two of you. Your hand was coming up to rest near his ribs, bringing his attention back down to you and you could feel his heart beating under your palm.

“No one’s looking.” You were reasoning, half hurt he cared too much and half thrown off by the fact that you didn’t at all. He didn’t object when you were rocking forward to kiss against his jaw softly, sucking in a small breath when you were swiping your tongue along his warm skin.

“Let me take you home.” His voice was low on your ear and you could feel his hands sliding over your sides to hold your lower back, drifting dangerously low but he was rotating his body so he was hiding you behind him against the wall.

“Can’t be so romantic if we are practicing for the real thing.” You were smiling at him humorlessly but he didn’t seem to find it funny, tensing at the mention of your real sexual encounters being meaningless and futile. “You have to treat me like some random hookup.”

He was watching you for a second to try and see if you were serious before his eyes were drifting away again like he was thinking about something. Eventually, you stared at him as he found his way back to you and moved one of his hands so he could brush your hair back behind your ear and out of your face. “Yeah, you know I can’t do that.”

You didn’t respond to him immediately, faltering slightly at the sincerity in his voice but you didn’t have a chance to think about what he was implying before he was fully kissing you finally. You almost pushed him away to ask for clarification but you quickly forgot about the strange statement when he was slipping his tongue into your mouth, melting against the wall and pushing against him completely.

Kissing him standing up felt different for some reason, you could feel every part of his body flat against yours and the height difference was a lot more evident, making your head spin slightly.

He wasn’t taking it easy on you anymore like he had the last few times, deepening the kiss immediately until your head was completely tilted back and accepting anything he would give you. The feeling of his tongue against yours, mixed with the fact you were in public and able to be seen by anybody sober enough to take a closer look and see who he had against the wall, was sending a heat through your body and you arched closer to him.

His hands were lower than your back now, squeezing and groping you in a way that took your breath away and made your knees so weak you would’ve crumbled to the floor if it wasn’t for him holding you up.

“Jay.” You were panting out into his mouth and his grip tightened at the sound of your breathy voice saying his name, pulling back just enough to allow you to speak. “Need you to touch me, please.”

“Not here baby, we can’t.” He was quickly responding and shaking his head, his hair loosening up slightly and falling over his forehead at the movement. You hoped he didn’t notice the way you practically gasped at the pet name slipping from his mouth so casually, shifting against the wall at his hesitant rejection.

He was looking down at you with want in his eyes so you weren’t too put off by him trying to say you couldn’t, rubbing your hand against his chest and pushing closer again until his lips were touching yours. You didn’t kiss him, just letting him feel you there and you let out a sigh of relief when he was losing his resolve and surging forward to fully press his lips against yours again.

It was addicting to kiss him like this and your hands were twisting in his hair softly, keeping him moving tight against you and giving him no room to change his mind again. You could feel his hands on your body tugging you forward against his hips, your leg going up slightly closer to his waist so he could fully slot in between your legs and nearly suffocate you against the wall.

He wasn’t moving you away even when your hand was slipping back down past his ribs, cupping him through his pants and smiling softly into the kiss when he hissed softly and faltered in his own touching.

“Fuck.” He was mumbling the word into your mouth and you knew you had gotten him, kissing him again even though he wasn’t moving anymore and just recovering from the feeling of your hand on him. “I’m going to go get a cab, let’s go back home.”

This time you didn’t object, liking the way he phrased going back to his apartment to include you and he kissed you one more time before he was stepping away and heading outside to call down a ride. You waited for him against the wall, knowing he’d come back inside to get you once he managed to get one like he always did.

Your hand was coming up to touch your lips, catching your breath and smiling softly as you thought about him and how strange things have been since you asked him to help you out.

It wasn’t an uncomfortable strange at all outside of the way your heart kept fluttering every time he tucked your hair behind your ears and gave you a particularly affectionate look. Jay was always kind and gentle with you so it didn’t phase you that it extended to this type of activity, figuring that there was no other reason for him to be acting like that and trying to ignore the way that thought made your chest tighten.

“You okay?” Your head was picking up swiftly at the sound of a new voice next to you, panicked at the sudden arrival and then completely freezing when you realized who it was. “You look like you’re going to be sick.” Park Sunghoon was watching you curiously, not much concern on his face, despite acknowledging your strange expression, as he took a sip from his cup casually.

“No I-I’m fine.” You were rushing out quickly and moving your fingers away from your mouth, flattening your hair and looking away from him with slightly widened eyes.

“Was that your boyfriend?” He was asking suddenly but his tone was bored, looking from you then back to the crowd like he was only over here to pass time. You froze up at the realization he was referring to Jay, obviously having seen you pressed against the wall only a few minutes ago.

You weren’t sure what to say for a few seconds, knowing that if this was last week your heart would be pounding with excitement due to the fact Park Sunghoon was speaking to you willingly. Adding onto the fact that he had seen you with somebody, now having no reason to believe you were inexperienced if you were boldly making out in the middle of a crowded party.

“No he..” You were trailing off when you noticed Jay coming back inside now, eyes locked on where he had left you and a small smile creeping up on his face when he saw you, until his eyes traveled over to the boy standing next to you. “He isn’t my boyfriend.”

Sunghoon wasn’t saying anything else but you heard him hum softly in acknowledgment before falling silent again, the both of you just standing there as you watched Jay slowly pass back through the crowd and approach the corner you were standing in. He kept his distance for a second, like he was making sure he wasn’t interrupting anything serious before he was standing by your side and clearing his throat.

“Ready to go?” He was asking in a low tone but you could tell his mood had drastically flipped from when he had left, more hesitant and guarded now like he wasn’t sure you’d actually come with him.

To make matters worse, your eyes instinctively went over to Sunghoon to see his reaction and you didn’t miss your best friend unmistakably tensing from the corner of your drifting gaze.

“Hey man, I’m Sunghoon.” He was still smiling softly, either completely oblivious to the weird tension settling over the two of you or simply not caring at all, and you watched as his hand crossed over where you were standing to extend towards your friend. He wasn’t touching you but he was inadvertently covering your body with his and your eyes widened slightly at the sudden close proximity.

“I know.” Jay was simply responding and not saying anything else, not even glancing down towards the hand waiting for him to take and you heard the other boy laugh softly before he was retracting it.

“You go to school here?” He was asking and you couldn’t tell if he was genuinely trying to make conversation or if he was just attempting to figure out what your friends deal was. Either way you tensed up slightly at the mention of Jay attending your school, a sore spot for both of you considering he hadn’t been accepted and yet he still decided to move here with you so you didn’t have to separate.

“He works on campus.” You quickly interjected when you noticed the way Jay’s jaw clenched at the question, not answering him directly but giving him enough information to let him know why he might look familiar or know who Sunghoon was. “We have to get going now.”

Sunghoon was nodding softly but he was carrying a look of amusement that you couldn’t miss and you were positive Jay hadn’t either, most likely catching on to the building instigation the second he had stepped foot back inside.

“I’ll see you around then.” He was slipping out casually as the two of you started to turn to leave, grinning at you when you looked back over your shoulder and hesitantly nodded, hand raising in a small wave before you were feeling Jay’s hand on your back leading you out of the house.

He didn’t say anything as you made your way outside and he remained silent the entire ride back to his apartment, staring out the window and keeping his hands in his lap as he avoided looking at you. You were a bit confused on what exactly he was feeling but you knew for sure that something had shifted once he saw Sunghoon and you weren’t going back home for the same reason anymore.

You sighed softly when he quickly got out of the taxi, standing there with the door open until you had scooted across the leather seats and got out into the night air. He closed it softly after thanking the driver and followed behind you as you made your way up the stairs to his door, the air heavy and so tense you felt like you were suffocating on it.

“Are you not going to talk to me then because I can just head home.” You were remarking once you’d crossed into the apartment, watching him in silence as he took off his jacket and shoes and went to the kitchen to get a drink.

“Is that what you want to do?” He was retorting in a calm tone but you could tell from where you were standing that he was agitated, eyes glinting with irritation as he leaned forward slightly onto the counter but you couldn’t tell if he was upset with you or something else.

“I want to do what you want to do.” You stated plainly and he didn’t respond as you kicked off your shoes, walking past where he was in the kitchen to head towards his sleeping area.

He was watching you as you moved around, the apartment small with an open floor plan but it was homely and you were there often enough to have your own dedicated clothes drawer underneath his. You tried to ignore his gaze on you as you opened the top one instead, pulling out one of his hoodies and glancing at him for a second before you were reaching behind your back to try and unzip your dress.

You heard him sigh softly before he was setting his cup down on the counter, making his way over to you slowly and offering a hand down to you on the bed when you just stared at him in confusion. You let him take your hand in his and he pulled you up softly, turning you around and pushing your hair off your back before he was helping you by pulling the zipper slowly down your back.

Your breath was catching in your throat at the feeling of the fabric loosening around you, his knuckles brushing over your bare skin and his hands stopping just above the curve of your ass.

“We can’t do what I want to do.” You were attempting to turn around to face him at the sound of his soft voice next to your ear but he stopped you by holding tightly onto the middle of your arms.

“Why not?” A small whine had slipped into your voice as you asked the question, so accustomed to him letting you get your way and slightly frustrated that he was being so distant.

You knew it was crossing a line, something that had silently been there for probably longer than you even realized, and you knew you should probably be more hesitant about crossing it but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. You’d always been more impulsive than Jay but you knew he had to somewhat feel it too, that strong pull towards each other that was now just multiplying every time he touched you.

It was especially overwhelming now, almost unbearable as he gently lowered the sleeves of your dress off your arms until the top was dangling around your middle. You were completely bare from the waist up now but you didn’t think he could even see you, keeping you in a vulnerable position as you stared forward at the wall.

His hands were brushing against your ribs and for a second you thought he wouldn’t even touch you until you felt him cupping over your chest and groping curiously. Your breath caught in your throat at the feeling of his cold fingers against your warm skin, the rings on his finger brushing against your hardened nipple and you took a stuttered gasp when he squeezed harder.

Jay’s other hand was pressing into your stomach and making sure you were tucked closely against him, feeling him getting harder against you the longer he touched you.

“If it was up to me I’d bend you over right now, just like this.” His voice was low in your ear again and another gasp ran through you when he was slightly tilting you forward, keeping you standing with his arm wrapped around your middle. “I’d tear the rest of your dress off and I’d make sure you never thought about going to Park Sunghoon or any of those other frat assholes again.”

“Then just do it.” You were panting out to him and trying to press yourself closer, feeling your dress slowly slipping down more from the bundled up fabric dangling around your middle. “What’s stopping you?”

He didn’t respond for a while and eventually he stopped touching you, sighing softly and he breath fanned the back of your neck. His hands were soft again now and resting on your hips carefully like he was considering what to do next.

You knew him well enough to know he wasn’t going to fuck you, certainly not like this and you were half positive he wasn’t going to touch you at all. Still, he was better at telling you vulnerable things when you weren’t staring at him so you didn’t move from your position and let him stand there in contemplation.

You were still slightly disappointed and hurt when he was pulling the rest of your dress down your legs, helping you step out from the middle of it, and then reaching down to grab his hoodie you had picked from the drawer and softly pulling it over your head. He finally turned you around once you were covered up, the hoodie coming down just above the middle of your thighs and he moved your hair out from inside the collar.

“Kiss me at least.” You were suddenly saying and grabbing his hands to stop him from moving away from you. His eyes glistened with something but he was letting you place his hands back around you, your own arms snaking up and around his neck in a strangely domestic position.

He didn’t say anything but he fulfilled your request, kissing you softly and pulling you tighter against him.

It was impossible to pretend now that you weren’t changing your mind about the entire thing, no use trying to push how good this felt to the back of your mind. You immediately felt a wave of relief wash over you and you practically melted in his hold, familiar and comfortable in a way that nobody could ever replicate and you knew he had to be feeling something similar if he was this conflicted about having sex with you.

Jay was your rock in the sense he was calculated and careful in almost everything he did and you figured he would’ve had sex with you easily if he had decided there was no risk to your friendship in the aftermath. The risk was there and it was prominent especially now as you leaned into him again, fully accepting it despite his hesitance.

You were squealing softly when he was suddenly lifting you up against him, taking a few steps forward before dropping the both of you on his bed and you giggled into the kiss when he turned your bodies so you’d land on him and he could take the weight of the fall.

The two of you kissed like that for a while longer, almost on autopilot as you moved his mouth against yours and you licked into his mouth with now practiced accuracy. He was warm and familiar underneath you, the hard expanse of his body and muscles flexing and easily supporting you and your constant shifting and movements. You were slightly impressed at how well he contained himself, feeling yourself get worked up in only a few minutes and clinging to him desperately.

Eventually the kissing stopped but you stayed just like that, your entire weight on top of him and your head laying on his chest like you had a hundred times.

“Can you tell me why not now?” Your voice was quiet and hesitant as you asked him the question that was still on your mind, letting a little time pass before you were bringing it up again and feeling relieved when he didn’t immediately tense up.

“Why do you get upset when I talk to other girls?” He was responding instead, not answering you directly yet and you frowned softly even though he couldn’t see it.

“I don’t know I can’t explain it.” You mumbled into his chest and you shrugged the best you could in your position. You were swatting at his side when you heard him let out a small scoff of disbelief, his chest vibrating your face when he started to laugh lightly at your upset reaction. “Don’t laugh at me, I’m serious.”

You were being honest despite the vague answer, never really knowing how to explain the sick feeling that washed over you anytime Jay’s attention drifted to somebody else for too long. Your mom used to tell you that you were just used to always being the star of his show and couldn’t handle it when you were out into the background but you figured that you should know better by now, know that you would never be pushed aside for somebody else.

Maybe that was the issue, the two of you always prioritizing each other over actual relationship or even family at times. You’d had dates that would get awkward at the mention of your best friend and you’ve gotten your fair share of nasty glares from the few girls Jay had actually brought around you.

He let your weak answer slide and in return you didn’t push for an answer about why he wouldn’t just let himself go with you, not saying anything else and listening to his breathing level out as he fell asleep underneath you.

——

“A double date? What the hell does that even mean?” You were rushing to catch up with Yuna, eyebrows furrowed due to the news she had just dropped on you casually before continuing to make her way to the class she was late for. You were practically breaking out into a jog to match her long strides. “Why would Sunghoon tell you that and not me?”

“Did you give him your number?” She was quickly retorting and barely sparing you a glance before she was nodding. “Exactly.”

“So he wants to go on a date with me but with you and Jay too?” You were attempting to confirm what she had said but she was sighing softly like repeated it would be a hinderance, stopping in her fast walking to allow you to catch up as you panted softly. “Do you even like Jay?”

“Are you kidding me Y/N? No I don’t like your pseudo husband.” She was shaking her head and scrunching up her nose like the thought grossed her out, your face flushing slightly at the title she had given him as you pushed your messy hair out of your face.

“I don’t think he’d agree to that.” You were telling her and glancing to the side awkwardly, not really understanding the whole situation or the fact that Sunghoon had somehow managed to apparently be interested in you despite the extremely awkward interaction you’d had a few days ago.

“He already has.” She was retorting quickly before turning on her heel and beginning her speed walking again, leaving you standing there dumbfounded as you tried to process what she had said.

You called out to her to ask for clarification but she didn’t turn around and just waved a dismissive hand at you, eventually disappearing around a buildings corner and you could do nothing but sigh softly.

There was absolutely no way Jay had willingly agreed to hang out with Park Sunghoon, adding on the fact he’d be crashing your date and also having to go out with Yuna, who he’d expressed dislike towards multiple times despite your weak defense for her behavior towards you. Your head was swarming in confusion and you almost pulled your phone out to call him and demand answers when you remembered he was at work.

You frowned softly and started to walk again, heading to the other side of campus where his work building was and trying to understand what scenario would lead to him agreeing to come along and also why he hadn’t told you in advance.

The small entrance bell was ringing out loudly as you passed through the door and you tilted your head to try and see around the counter to check if he was there, smiling softly when he was popping his head up with a surprised look.

“Hey.” He was breathing out when he realized it was you, standing up swiftly and circling around the counter until he was standing in front of you. You tried to ignore how out of character it was that he was greeting you so softly, a hand coming up to cup your elbow gently and look down at you. “You alright? Did you lose your key again?”

You were shaking your head and staring up at him with a slight flush to your face. “No just wanted to come here instead of going home. I hope it’s okay, sorry I didn’t call.”

“Don’t say sorry.” He was quickly interjecting and you didn’t say anything after that, just nodding and glancing at the floor hesitantly. He seemed to take notice of your strange demeanor and you picked your head back up when you heard him sigh softly. “You ran into Yuna didn’t you…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You were saying instead of directly answering and he looked away from you at the sound of hurt in your voice, still keeping his hand on you despite it tensing.

He didn’t look at you again for a bit but you were almost glad he didn’t, already finding it hard enough to be upset with him when he was just trying to help you. You weren’t sure how to communicate that you didn’t necessarily want help with Sunghoon anymore, knowing he’d stop with the new closeness and routine that you’ve gotten used to other the last two weeks.

“This was the point right?” He was muttering but he seemed hesitant in saying it and a small scoff fell from your lips.

“Right.” You agreed but your tone was bitter and your face had pulled into a grimace, taking a few steps back so his touch fell off of your arms and you were closer to the door again. “Guess I’ll see you tonight then.”

——

Despite absolutely dreading the double date and having no expectations or positive feelings about how it would go, it still somehow managed to be off to a worst start than you could’ve imagined.

Sunghoon had been nearly an hour late to picking you up and hadn’t made any move to get out of his car to greet you, leaving you to wrap your cardigan closer around your shivering frame and round past his hood to his passenger side door. You still planted a smile on your face, trying your best to not make him uncomfortable or show your unenthusiastic mood, but you realized it was pointless considering he was on the phone the entire ride to the restaurant.

He’d greeted you with a half wave before he was cackling about something the person on the other side was saying, not caring as you crossed your arms and zoned out for the entirety of the drive.

You sat in the leather chair after you’d arrived to the restaurant you were meeting the other two at, waiting impatiently and glaring at him from the corner of your eye as he continued his loud conversation for another twenty minutes, parked outside and unmoving. Eventually he was glancing at you and letting out a sigh, announcing to the caller that he would have to call them back.

“Alright, let’s go I’m starving.” He was quickly saying before he was opening his door and leaving the vehicle, leaving you dumbfounded for a few seconds at his lack of manners before you were hopping out and jogging to catch up with him.

You were absolutely fuming by the time you’d gotten inside, not understanding why Sunghoon had bothered arranging this whole entire thing when he clearly wasn’t interested in you. You were used to be outspoken and blunt but you just felt embarrassed about the whole thing and couldn’t bring yourself to confront him while the others were waiting inside.

It got worse once you saw them sitting together although Jay was clearly in the same boat as you, arms crossed and staring blankly at the table in front of him as Yuna chatted animatedly and leaned closer to him to try and show him something on her phone screen.

Sunghoon cleared his throat when the two of you got closer and both of their gazes shot up in your direction, her face curling into a bright flirty smile at the sight of your date. Jay’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of you but then they immediately flickered down to Sunghoon’s hand that was rudely placed on your lower back after he’d complained you were walking too slow.

It could’ve been going worse technically, you and Jay hadn’t spoken a word the entire night but your dates clearly didn’t care, talking to each other nonstop about school and parties they’d attended. The two clearly had a lot in common considering their popularity status and their apparent habit of having terrible manners.

You were sat directly next to Jay and you tried to ignore him for the most part, especially since he was wearing your favorite shirt of his and you could smell his heavy addicting cologne from a seat over.

It wasn’t going too well considering he had been continuously glaring in your direction since you sat down, unrelenting even when the waitress came by and he recited both of your orders with ease. You were fed up with his bad mood, especially since he was the one who had agreed to this entire ordeal, and he was jumping in his seat at the feeling of you sending a sharp kick towards his shin.

Yuna spared him a quick glance at his sudden movement but didn’t stop her rambles and you watched as Jay sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Yours was buzzing only a few seconds later and you glared at him before picking it up and unlocking it.

Jay : What the hell was that for?

Y/N : stop staring at me like that

You watched his face as he read it and you felt slightly flushed when his eyes were meeting yours for a second before going back down to his phone screen and hurriedly typing.

Jay : Stay still

He was putting the device back into his pocket before you had a chance to respond to him and ask what he was talking about, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion as you stared at him and waited for any type of explanation.

You quickly got it when you were feeling something touching your leg underneath the table, jumping slightly at the sudden contact before your wide eyes were meeting his and seeing the slight warning in them. You were reminded of him message to stay still and you planted yourself firmly despite the urge to squirm at the feeling of his hand gently rubbing your bare knee.

“So Y/N, are you working anywhere right now then?” Sunghoon was suddenly asking you and you liked him a lot less than you already did considering he decided to finally speak to you at the worst possible time.

You cleared your throat softly before shifting in your seat to sit up more, accidentally causing Jay’s hand to move further on your leg until it was gently moving your dress up and resting on your thigh. You expected him to move it back down but he kept it firmly there, squeezing your skin softly as he waited for you to answer.

“Um.. n-no not right now I’m just… going to school.” You were trailing off softly after awkwardly squeezing the sentence out and the table was silent as they looked at your flushed face.

“She doesn’t need to anyways.” Yuna was quickly adding and her mouth was curled into a half sneer, playing with her half finished food as she met your eyes for a split second before continuing. “Jay pays for basically everything for her.”

An awkwardness settled over the table at her extremely bitter tone and you saw Sunghoon’s eyebrows raise in interest, that same amused expression he had at the party returning. Jay’s hand was tightening on your thigh harshly and you made a small noise of surprise before quickly pretending to choke and take a drink of your water.

He didn’t seem to notice he had done it and he immediately was releasing the tight hold and rubbing the skin gently as a silent apology, shifting in his seat when you were swinging your foot to kick at his leg again.

“So you two met on campus then?” Sunghoon was continuing to ask questions despite the fact you were obviously uncomfortable and Jay was glaring daggers in his direction.

“Um no.. we’ve been friends since we were little actually.” You were explaining in a soft voice and another flash of interest with through the boys eyes, glancing between the two of you with a weird excitement printed on his face.

“And you never got together?” He was blurting out, clearly not caring about how blunt and overly personal the question was considering you’d barely spoken outside of small talk in passing. Your mouth was parting in surprise and you glanced over at your friend who was as looking more and more angry as the seconds passed.

“That’s none of your business.” Jay was spitting out and his tone was low and harsh, much different than the one he normally had with you.

Sunghoon didn’t seem deterred at all although even Yuna had finally fallen silent, watching the interaction with a careful expression. “She is my date isn’t she?”

You heard your best friend scoff harshly but he didn’t immediately say anything, glancing over at you like he expected you to interject and when you looked over at him with wide eyes and a continuously parting mouth, his features hardened when he realized you weren’t going to say anything. You didn’t do anything but sit there and search for words as he pushed his chair back and stood up, leaving your skin that was warmed under his hand with a sudden chill.

Sunghoon was laughing softly as Jay left the restaurant and you turned to glare at him in disbelief, not understanding his motive but quickly realizing that he was super amused by the two of you and your confusing dynamic.

It wasn’t hard to understand that he didn’t have feelings for you and only invited you on this date for some entertainment, most likely catching interest at the party when you had awkwardly left with Jay. Your mouth was turning down into a frown and you followed his actions of standing up from your chair, flattening down your dress before turning and following after him.

He was halfway through the parking lot by the time you managed to catch up with him, running the best you could in your uncomfortable heels but thankfully he was slowing down when he heard them clicking on the cement. His back was tensed since he knew it was you but you were still grateful he had stopped for you.

“Where are you going?” Your voice was soft and weak, not necessarily voicing the question you wanted to ask but you just felt the need to say something to fill the silence.

“I can’t do this anymore Y/N.” He was turning around as he spoke and he sounded genuinely tired, staring down at you with hooded eyes and a hurt expression on his face. You watched him with confusion and he sighed softly before tossing a hand up in frustration. “I can’t be around you pretending like this, it’s killing me.”

“We don’t have to do it anymore then.” You were quickly telling him although it hurt you to say and you were taking a step closer to try and reassure him, stiffening up when he was automatically backing away from you.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” He was saying and he sounded certain but you were confused on what he meant, eyebrows furrowing which only seemed to upset him further. “This isn’t the pretending Y/N, being with you like we’ve been doing for the last few weeks. That isn’t the hard part, how can’t you get that?”

You were slightly understanding what he was implying now but it made no sense to you, a sick feeling washing over you at the fact he was seemingly saying he had been feeling the same way you had been. He was sighing again at your lack of a response but he didn’t say anything, looking to the side where his car was parked before he was glancing at you again.

“How would I get that?” You were countering with more force than you meant to let into your tone, slightly frustrated that he was placing blame solely on you for not realizing his feelings about this whole situation.

“Are you kidding me?” He was laughing but it was completely humorless and angry. Not necessarily at you but definitely at the situation the two of you had gotten yourself into. “I moved down here to be with you dude. I work a shitty job on the campus of a school I was too fucking dumb to get into, stuck in a tiny apartment with neighbors who have no volume control.”

He was moving his hands around a lot as he spoke, clearly upset and releasing thoughts he’d been keeping bottled up for longer than you realized. Your eyes were stinging with tears as you listened to him rant, bringing up the fact you hadn’t gotten into the same school, something you knew had been bugging him for some time.

You never thought less of him for not getting accepted and you had hoped he didn’t either, not ever wanting to talk about it after he decided to just not apply anywhere else. You figured he had come with you so you wouldn’t be lonely but your heart cracked a little at the implication he had solely came with because it was him that didn’t want to be without you for a long time.

Your nose scrunched up at the negative way he talked about his apartment, the disgust in his voice directed towards the same place that brought you the most comfort in the world.

It was definitely small and you’d spend countless nights banging on the walls to try and get the next door neighbors to quiet down but it was always a happy memory for you, giggling with him as you laid flat on your backs and kicked against the drywall repeatedly. You thought about waking up in his small bed together, tugging the blankets more over yourself and listening to his soft grunts of complaints.

Teaching you to cook and not getting upset when you continuously burnt eggs, smiling at you when he’d get home from a long shift and you’d already be there cleaning up the dishes and counters. It was your favorite place to be and he was your favorite person to see and your heart broke thinking that he’d been having a hard time.

“You still don’t get it.” He was shaking his head and pulling you out of your thoughts, figure slightly wavy through your teary eyes and you took another step closer.

“I think I do Jay but how can I if you’ve never said it.” You were telling him softly but your voice was cracking around the words, at least relieved he wasn’t backing up from your approaching frame anymore considering that would’ve caused you to break down.

“How could I say something like that?” He was asking sincerely and he looked down at you finally, holding your gaze and giving you a tiny sad smile. His eyes were wet too and you briefly thought about the fact you hadn’t seen him cry in a very long time.

It was quiet for a few seconds and then you were gently reaching out to him, feeling a wave of relief when he allowed you to hold onto his arm softly and squeeze it. He let out a small shaky breath at the feeling of you touching him and it gave you the drive you needed to be able to say what you were thinking about so heavily for so long.

“You asked me why I don’t like it when you talk to other girls and I said I don’t know, but I do know and I have known for a long time.” You were watching him intensely as you spoke clearly, a faux confidence in your voice that didn’t match the way your heart was beating painfully in your chest. “I don’t really know when I knew or if I maybe just realized when you kissed me.”

His eyes were flashing with something and you laughed softly as nerves overwhelmed you, pausing in your rambles and you were sure he could feel the way your hands were shaking against him because he was placing one of his over yours that were gripping onto his arm, softly rubbing them and giving you just enough strength to push through the hardest part.

“I’m inlove with you Jay and I want you around me for a long time. I need you around me I think and it’s scary but I’d spend the rest of our lives in that tiny little apartment.” You were finishing off as a small sob broke through you but you kept a smile on your face, watching him and shaking your head softly.

He wasn’t saying anything at first and you were feeling a sudden sense of dread, not really thinking about what would happen if he didn’t feel the same way about you and you had gotten it all wrong.

You weren’t able to hold that doubt for long considering he was moving his hand off of yours suddenly to cup your face, pulling you in for a kiss before you were even able to register his movements. You were gasping against him and then immediately turning to putty in his hold, a wave of warmth and reassurance washing over you despite the fact he hadn’t said it yet back.

It wasn’t something he necessarily needed to voice considering he’d spent your entire lives showing it and taking care of you more than anybody ever had, constantly being so gentle and reliable even when you weren’t always the easiest person to handle.

You still felt better when he was pulling out of the kiss to look down at you, still holding onto your face as you both laughed softly in disbelief and relief. He was leaning forward to place his forehead against yours and you were clutching onto his arms desperately despite knowing he’d never go anywhere if you let him go.

“I think I’ve loved you since I met you.” He was saying it in one breath and you immediately noticed the way his shoulders lost all tension in relief, speaking the words that had been running through his mind on loop every time you smiled at him or wrapped your arms casually around him in a hug.

You had no real way of knowing how insane you constantly made him feel, always being the most beautiful person in the room and never giving him the slightest chance of caring about anybody else. You’d constantly complain to him that he needed a better social life for a chance at romance and his heart would turn uncomfortably at the thought of being with anybody but you.

Nobody set his skin on fire like your touches did and the two of you moved perfectly in sync together, easily bantering and moving around each other in a gentle dance that only came with time and understanding.

You were his better half and he’d always casually introduced you as that, laughing softly as you would hit his arm and scold him for trying to flatter you while not having the slightest idea that he meant every single word of it.

“Take me home then?” You were whispering out finally, forehead still against his and feeling the way his thumbs came up instinctively to wipe the tears off your red cheeks.

He was smiling and nodding at you, no hesitance in accepting whatever request you made to him, the same thing that had gotten you into this situation in the first place. He’d immediately regretted it when he first finally kissed you because he’d realized he’d never be able to go without you that close again, feeling sick every time he remembered it wasn’t real for you.

The worry and disbelief that had been building up was finally crumbling down for both of you as you stood there holding each other for a bit longer, eventually taking your hand in his as he lead you to his car and took you back to your home.

[bigfatbreak]

I see a lot of people talking about what Chloé and Kim did, and I think I'm missing something? What did they do?

In a more recent episode "Derision," (sloppy sum up below)

its discovered that the reason Marinette is so stunted, awkward, and generally staccato about dating Adrien in spite of genuinely liking him, is because she was a major victim of Chloe's the year prior. During that year, Chloe threatened anyone who would attempt to befriend her, isolating Marinette completely, only having a friend in a girl named Socqueline who would relentlessly defend her.

At the time, Marinette had a crush on Kim, and so Chloe, knowing Kim loves pranks, had him "prank" her at the pool as a fake confession. As Kim offered a fake, heartfelt confession in return for Marinette's own, he gifted Marinette a box full of spiders, causing her to flip out and fall into the pool from the high end. Sabine and Chloe were filming the whole thing, and planned on posting it on social media to openly mock her. The only thing stopping them is Socqueline, who legitimately kicks the phone out of Chloe's hands.

This leads into why Marinette is so bad at confessions. After a year of being harassed, bullied, and isolated, she takes a chance on love, and is only horrifically and publicly mocked. Her attitude towards Adrien makes more sense with this context - deeply and passionately loving him, but constantly hesitating on the last step, as last time was so devastating. She's got some severe trauma around confessing and connecting with love interests, as she assumes they're always going to mock her in the end.

I really wish this episode had been planned earlier in the series, because it DOES give good insight as to how bad Marinette had it, and would've been great context for the audience. Not long after, Socqueline had to move away, too, so Marinette had to rebuild her entire social network from the ground up, with several people in the class who didn't mind humiliating her for their own amusement.

Also I really liked Chat Noir/Adrien going sicko mode on Kim. PLEASE kill that boy Adrien. I am BEGGING YOU. He tries to cataclysm Kim in the fucking face. I was thrilled. I thrive off negativity

Using this as groundwork in the dad villain au, having all that shit happen to Marinette alongside losing Sabine essentially made her go "wow I am going to quit school and work at my dad's business. bye" which is super ironic because that is ALL gabriel wants adrien to do lmao

[haikyu-mp4]

Hello!! I saw your event and wanted to make a request. Asahi Azumane for I should have kissed you.

Thank you so much if you write it <3

Now playing... I should have kissed you

word count; 938 – f!reader, for my 1D x Haikyu event

While in university, you didn’t often think of your time in high school. You had made new friends and joined new clubs, yet those memories from the volleyball club especially came back to you every so often. You’d think of girls’ nights with Kiyoko and Yachi, scoldings from Daichi after setting up a prank with Suga, pep talks with Asahi…

Oh, Asahi…

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and your busy life has in no way diminished your crush on that guy. Fair enough, you didn’t think of him as often as before, but when you did, it came with those same butterflies you had grown so accustomed to. Most of all, you thought about that last night before graduation…

As you finished your schoolwork for the day, you slumped your shoulders and rubbed your eyes tiredly. Not even the many cups of coffee you drank during the past few hours could keep you going. Studying at cafés could be such a double-edged sword.

“Y/n?”

You didn’t remove your hands from your face at first, but they stopped rubbing and simply covered you from seeing the face that belonged to the voice you knew so well. The one you had spent all day thinking about.

“Asahi,” you answered softly, finally removing your hands, only to start running one through your hair and wondering if you looked as tired as you felt. “It’s been so long.”

The sweet man walked over, and you let yourself have a moment to look him over. To no one’s surprise, he looked good. Healthy and a bit more sure of himself, you thought. “It has. I was just thinking about you.”

Your eyes widened and Asahi immediately started stuttering, trying to explain that he didn’t mean it in a weird way, when you chuckled softly and got up from your seat. “I was just thinking of you, too.” The confession made his unsureness melt, but the blush on his cheeks stayed put. You glanced at all the empty coffee cups on the little table and back to him. “I’ve had way too many cups today, think you could find the time for a little walk?”

He did find the time. Gladly, in fact. That last night before graduation had haunted him for so long, making him curse himself every time he thought about it and how he should have kissed you.

It was the perfect moment, as you and him found some privacy from the rest of the third years at the party and finally got to tell each other that every moment you spent together for the last three years had been some of the most precious. You had both been a bit tipsy, but only to the point where it gave you that little extra courage. And yet, he hadn’t done it. He didn’t ask you out and he didn’t get to kiss you.

Then everything suddenly went so fast, in the blink of an eye you were off on different paths as he went into practice for clothing design and sowing, while you went off to university to pursue the job of your dreams. You had barely had the time to talk at all and now-

Now you’re right here. Same gorgeous smile framed by the most kissable lips, laughing at your own joke while trying to catch your breath to keep telling him about your last adventure. It felt like destiny was giving him a second chance.

By the time the sun kissed the treetops, you had found a little bench in the park, sitting close to each other as a slight chill fell over you in the shadow of the trees. “Are you seeing anyone?” he asked you, hands tucked in the pockets of his stylish jacket.

You looked to the side at him with a small smile. “No, I’m not. Are you?” you asked back, watching as he finally met your eyes for the first time since you sat down. There was the bit more sure of himself you had noticed earlier.

“The internship has been crazy. So rewarding but a lot of work,” he started, sighing and removing his hands from his pockets to rest on his thighs and, just like he used to in high school, calming himself by drawing patterns on his palm. You nodded to show you were listening, but your eyes followed his drawings. “I’ve liked this one girl ever since high school, but I was too much of a wimp to do anything about it.”

Your heart was beating in your ears when he once again moved his hand, slowly intertwining it with yours as if you would run away at the gesture. But you stayed, trying to contain the hope flooding your veins. “Me too. A guy, I mean. A friend of mine.”

Asahi drew in a huge breath, letting it out with a short chuckle. He didn’t want to assume it was him, but it would be so nice if it was. “Do you have dinner plans?”

“I do now.”

After he followed you home that evening, the air reminded him of that night. The night when he let you walk away, and he was not about to repeat that mistake. He faced you as you stood in front of the door to your dorm, rested a hand on your upper arm and slowly moved it upwards until he caressed your jaw. You leaned a bit closer, eyes moving between his lips and his eyes until he finally pressed his to yours. Rumours have it you both entered your dorm that night.

Better late than never, some say.

masterlist

[sergeantbarnessdoll]

Hiiiiiii

How are you? I hope you are doing good.

Anyway

So

We all know the 9 best seconds of "Under your influence" by Chris Brown, right?

That, but with Bucky. 🥹 (No smut, please)

Thank you <3

Under Your Influence » Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier

Pairings: Avenger!Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Female Reader

Summary: Bucky’s so in love with you that he’s under your influence.

Warnings: Fluff, language, flirting, kissing, use of pet names

A/N: Thank you to the lovely anonymous person who requested this🩵 also I apologize for taking so long to get to your request. It took me a while to come up with an idea for your request.

Written on my phone. I’m sorry for any mistakes.

Header made by @buckys-wintersoldier

GIF IS NOT MINE! Credit goes to the creators. I found it on Pinterest.

Bucky walked in the gym of the Avengers Compound to see you training with Natasha. He stood in the doorway and watched as you and Natasha sparred. He couldn’t help but become entranced with your fighting technique. The way you threw punches and kicks made him fall even more in love with you. Bucky has had a crush on you for a while now, but he’s not sure how to tell you how he feels about you. Bucky was so entranced by you that he didn’t hear Steve walk up behind him.

“What are you doing?” Steve asks, making Bucky jump.

“I- uhh… nothing.” Bucky says nervously.

Steve followed Bucky’s gaze to you.

“Oh I see what’s going on here.” Steve starts. “You’re impressed with Y/N’s improvement since she became an Avenger.” He says.

“Yes!” He said a little too fast. “I’m definitely impressed with her improvement.” He says, nervously smiling.

Steve stared at Bucky for a moment, knowing that something is going on with him, but he didn’t want to press on about it.

“Ok, well…” Steve patted Bucky’s shoulder. “See you later.” He says before walking away.

Bucky nodded and turned his attention back to you. Natasha glanced at Bucky and smirked.

“I think Barnes is staring at you.” Natasha whispers.

You turned your head to see Bucky looking at you. His face turned red in embarrassment when you caught him staring at you. He quickly left the gym, making you and Natasha giggle.

“The man is clearly in love with you.” She states. “It’s been years since he’s been in love” She says.

“You think he’s in love with me?” You asked.

“Yes!” She smiles. “You should talk to him!” She says.

“You know what…” You start, a smile forming on your face. “I just might.” You say.

Later that day, you walked in the lounge room to see Bucky filling out a mission report from a previous mission.

“Hi, Sarge!” You say, smiling.

“Hi, Y/N.” Bucky says, looking up from the mission report.

“You know…” You took a seat next to him on the couch. “I seen you staring at me when I was training with Nat earlier.” You say.

“I-I’m sorry.” He stutters. “I wasn’t trying to be creepy or anything.” He says, his cheeks turning red in embarrassment.

“It’s fine, Bucky.” You giggled, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re impressed with my fighting skills. Is that it?” You asked.

“Yes!” He said too fast. “Your fighting skills have improved a lot. Not that you’re bad at fighting, it’s just- I’m going to shut up before I say something to embarrass myself.” He says.

Bucky gathered his papers and stood up. You quickly grabbed his wrist before he walked away.

“Don’t leave.” You pouted. “I like hearing you talk.” You say.

“Y-You do?” He asks, stuttering.

Bucky hasn’t felt this nervous around a girl since he was a teenager.

“Yes.” You stand up. “I like seeing those handsome lips moving when you’re talking.” You say in a flirty tone.

Bucky’s breath hitched in his throat when you reached up to rub your thumb across his bottom lip. He stared deep in your eyes as you leaned in and kissed him, standing on your tippy toes to reach his lips due to the height difference. Bucky was caught by surprise, but kissed you back. He tossed the mission report on the couch and placed his hands on your waist, pulling your body against his. You left him breathless when you pulled away.

“Holy shit…” Bucky says breathlessly.

You couldn’t help but giggle.

“Looks like I have you under my influence, Sarge.” You say in a flirty tone.

“I’ve been under your influence since the day we met.” He says.

“Oh yea?” You bit your bottom lip and stood on your tippy toes. “I love having you under my influence.” You whispered in his ear, sending a shiver through his body.

“Me too.” He says, kissing you again.

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

-Bucky’s Doll