#i think about gale being so worried about wearing the right thing to the camp party at least once a week

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

nice suit dumbass, did your husband pick it out for you?

[happy-beeeps]

Sweat it out

Summary: tav comes down with a nasty flu, and one of her travel companions begins to worry... and maybe realize his feelings

WC: 1.3k

warnings: none i think! idiots in love

f!tav x reader

It’s quiet outside Astarion’s tent as he paces back and forth. Halsin has been inside with you for far too long, and the lack of communication has him worried. How long has it been since he hasn’t ended the night with your words, your breath near his? Weeks, months?

He doesn’t like to think of it. In fact, he’s doing an excellent attempt at thinking about anything else as he paces, and fails to notice the clatter of their camp members walking over to him.

“Chin up soldier, the rest of us seem okay, it probably has nothing to do with her tadpole.”

“Karlach is right,” Gale agrees, “it seems unlikely that the rest of us would be spared the same fate if this truly was connected to our wormy affliction. She will pull through.”

As much as it pains him to admit it, Gale is right. For all logical sense, this should have nothing to do with the mind flayers—but the thought offers little comfort (few things hinging on Gale’s ideas rarely do.) 

It has started this morning, you had remarked how your head felt wrong. You felt wrong. You had ignored it, had soldiered on. As the day progressed, you complained of aches that had not been there, of chills that ran down your arms. Your skin grew pallor, covered in a sheen of sweat. By the end of the night, a cough ragged at your chest, and you could do nothing f else but whimper to yourself. The slightest motion had set tears out of your eyes, your skin burning itself to rid your body of whatever was happening.

Only Halsin, Lae’zel, and Shadowheart accompanied you now, the two healers were working overtime on an attempt to find your ailment, and Lae’zel was not easily persuaded to leave behind one of her dearest friends.

Astarion thinks of the dagger pressed to poor Wyll’s throat when he kindly attempt to guide her towards a spot nearest the fire.

He’s worried about you. This isn’t new, he’s made peace with the reality that he cares for you, he just hasn’t figured out how to say it. Now, he fears the opportunity may be slipping from him.

It’s Halsin’s booming voice that calms his nerves, he and the other two step out from the tent, his grin palpable even from where Astarion is standing. “She’ll be fine. It’s a nasty virus, I’ve given her a brew to aid in the healing, and I’ve created tonics for the rest of us.”

As he passes them out, Shadowheart walks up to Astarion, who is quickly making his way towards your tent. “You… don’t need a tonic. On the account of you being, you know. Not really alive.”

“You’ve got such a way with words, really,” he breathes, but his eyes flicker to the flap of your tent, “so I can go see her?”

Lae’zel speaks up, placing a firm pat on his arm as she walks by, “she’s certainly been asking for you.”

* * * 

You have two clear, feverish trances.

The first is of your mother. A memory that’s not uncommon, one you drift back to anytime you attempt to rest an illness away. Its familiarity brings comfort as you attempt to sweat this bug out, and ignore Halsin and Shadowheart’s proding over your body. 

The other is… newer. One you hadn’t expected. You’re in a secluded section of camp, feet tapping against the water, skin swathed in moonlight. Your wearing nothing other than a long, white shirt, unlaced dangerously along the neck. This is no more than two days ago. 

You follow the memory along, watch from your eyes as you trace circles along your bare thighs, until you look to your side. Astarion is there, eyes swimming with emotion, as he gnaws on his lip.

Memory Astarion reaches out, grabbing your hand, weaving your fingers together. “I’m glad you’ve convinced me to stick around after our escapades, you are entirely addicting.”

Memory you leans against him, pressing your weight against his. His skin is cool, the chill sending tiny bumps along your exposed legs. “I’m glad you’ve decided to humor me, Star.”

You’re mortified when your eyes flutter open, your mouth in the process of muttering his name, to realize he’s here. Next to you. In your tent. As you sweat through probably a third pair of smallclothes.

“You rang?” He’s cheeky when he speaks, but his hand goes to palm your stomach quickly, as if he’s checking to make sure you’re here, you’re still you. The concern is sweet, and it sends an all new kind of flush across your body.

“Feel so sick, Star.” Shit. Is that tiny little voice coming from you?

He moves then, gentler than he’s ever moved before, carefully contorting his body around yours and pressing you against him. In an instant, it’s like a salve to your soul. You’re covered in him—his smell, his weight, his temperature. The chill itself is a whole other soothe to your aches. 

“I know you are darling, but Halsin said you’ll be better soon.”

“Can’t get you sick,” a cough takes your lungs briefly, “who’s gonna pick the locks for us then?”

He laughs, and smooths a few stray hairs out of your face. “I won’t. Officially medically cleared, according to Shadowheart. On the account of my ‘not being alive.’”

You move to nod your head, but the pain makes you stop. Astarion is quick, and he cushions the movement with his hand before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I hear you were dreaming about me?”

“Maybe. Lots of trances. You know how it goes.”

“Was it particularly scandalous? Is that why my little love is so keen to swear?”

“Don’t have it in me to hit you.”

“You wouldn’t dream of it.”

It’s a calm silence that takes you next, Astarion stroking your hair as you listen to the distant clamor of your friends. You break it, after another moment.

“I remembered my mother.”

You don’t often talk about your family, and he knows this. He moved just slightly so you can see his face, curiosity and warmth covering his eyes. “What was it?”

“When I was little, I got sick, nothing bad but still sick. My mother, she’d rub my hair and sing to me,” you pause to close your eyes, as if you could will her here right now, “she’d go to our kitchens and shoo the cooks out, she’d make me her special soup, and when she brought it to me she’d promise me she’d teach me one day.”

“She sounds lovely.”

“She was. Smart too. She always knew things about me that I didn’t know.”

“Oh, like what?” Astarion’s face shimmers with a laugh and you use the last bit of your strength to attempt a shrug and burrow into his chest.

“She used to tell me she knew I’d end up with someone older. Don’t know if she knew how old.”

After your words, as if in cue, your chest begins its steady rise and fall, and Astarion recognizes the twitch in your fingers. You’re trancing again. Which means he’s stuck with your words and their heavy implications.

Still, with the way your overheating body simmers against his cold touch, he resolved that he doesn’t mind their weight, not at all. In fact, he’d like more of your burden.

You don’t slip out of your trance that night, but feel the briefest ghost of a kiss on your forehead.

When sunlight rolls around, your eyes blink awake. You’re weak, you can feel it, but better. You go to sit up, but realize quickly Astarion’s weight is still against you, one arm cradling your head to his chest, one arm twisted beneath you. 

You’ve never quite felt so comfortable, so held. You don’t remember what you told him last night, don’t remember exactly what he said. Instead, you decided to live in this moment now, and pray to all the gods you’ll get to relive it again soon.

[imperator-titus]

Favorite Party Banter [Minsc Edition]

[Astarion (Ascended)] [Halsin/Jaheira] [Gale] [Karlach] [Lae'zel] [Minsc] [Minthara] [Shadowheart] [Wyll]

I often miss party banter because of party comp (and sometimes just straight up can't hear??) so here's a collection of my favorite bants while going through dialogue files. I know the wiki has the banter (most? all?) but I added the file names and dev notes.

Either Minsc is the main speaker/subject or I think Minsc's reaction is good shit.

Not in any particular order.

[PB_Minsc_Astarion_UpperTracks]

Minsc: Oh, I do not know, Boo. If you buried the nuts here before we were stone, I am thinking they might have gone bad.

Astarion: Minsc! Enough! The hamster isn’t saying a damn thing and you know it.

Minsc: Well, Astarion. Boo is of good breeding, and so only speaks when he has something nice to say. {Devnote: Haughty, offended, ‘Well, I never’}

Minsc: Perhaps this is why he has never seen fit to speak to you.

Astarion: How delightfully vicious. I’m beginning to like the hamster.

[PB_Minsc_Astarion_EasternDocks]

Minsc: ASTARION! FISH! ASTARION! {Devnote: Struck by a brilliant idea, so excited he cannot use his words}

Astarion: Minsc, please - slow down. Use your words.

Minsc: Minsc has thought how you might be a more virtuous vampire - feast on fish instead. They are made of naught but neck! {Devnote: Delighted with himself, as if it’s a matter he’s been mulling over for some time. If he must travel with ‘bad’ people, he will try to make them ‘better’}

Astarion: It’s a sweet thought, but fish just doesn’t have the flavour of full-blooded red meat.

Minsc: No, you do not ‘agree’, Boo. I told you you have been spending far too much time around the pale one… {Devnote: Hushed, style of a whispered argument that’s been had before, trailing off to be discussed later. Minsc is worried that his hamster is being corrupted} 

[PB_Minsc_Astarion_BasiliskGate]

Minsc: Ah, but it is a fine thing to walk with friends beneath the warming sun! {Devnote: just spontaneously happy}

Astarion: 'Friends' might be a stretch, but otherwise - yes, I fully agree!

Minsc: You might have your cloudy locks to keep the heat off your head, but do not forget that Minsc has Boo! We will be like twins, eh?

Astarion: We will? Gods - two hundred years and I've never missed seeing my reflection more.

[PB_Minsc_Gale_HouseOfHope]

Minsc: Gale! You will perhaps be able to explain where Boo has not - what exactly is the difference between a devil and a demon?

Gale: A fascinating question, one that boils down to which criteria we choose to apply. Are we speaking about the physiological? Theological? Etymological? {Devnote: in teacher mode - up for an in-depth, intellectual discussion}

Minsc: Eh. Just how-to-kill…-ical. {Devnote: Nonplussed, echoing gale’s ending every word with ‘ical’}

Gale: Oh. Then for your purposes, they are exactly the same. {Devnote: Disappointed}

[PB_Minsc_Gale_ROM_Act3]

Minsc: Gale. Minsc worries you might send a fireball up his butt, with all of this stringy hair in your face.

Gale: Is that why you keep your head shaved? I assumed that was a custom of some sort. {Devnote: Curious, referring to Minsc’s origins}

Minsc: Oh, no! Most warriors of Rashmen wear long battle-braids, weighed down with stone. Minsc can show you, when next we camp?

Gale: Thank you, but I’m more wizard than warrior. I’m not sure my scalp would stand up to such a plaiting. {Devnote: very politely declining}

[PB_Minsc_Shadowheart_ROM_Act3_Selune]

Minsc: Shadowheart. I saw you pluck Boo from the ground, when you thought no one was watching. {Devnote: Had been mulling this, now broaching it}

Minsc: It pleases you, to hold him? And you have truly cleansed yourself of Shar? {Devnote: Suspicious, but giving the benefit of the doubt}

Shadowheart: I suppose you're right. On both counts. {Devnote: Arc: SH has turned from Shar, got to hold hamster}

Minsc: HMMMMMMMM. Then for one day only, you may carry him in your pocket. So long as it is clean. Padded. Well-aired. {devnote: Dubious but willing to extend this great honor to her against his better judgement. Listing off Boo's rider}

Minsc: And full of nuts! {Devnote: Rushing in the most important condition of all}

[PB_Minsc_Gale_SorcerousSundries]

Minsc: Minsc has never trusted places such as this. Too much of a wizard's power can be simply packaged and picked up. {Devnote: Grumbling as we make our way through the shelves at Sorcerous Sundries}

Minsc: Well, picked up by all but Minsc. When he touches the many delicate little jars, oh how the wizards shout and stare! {Devnote: revealing that his objection to Sorcerous Sundries is not in fact a philosophical belief that wizards have too much power - they just make him feel stupid and awkward when he pokes in their things}

Gale: Fear not, Minsc. You have a wizard at your side who positively encourages such curiosity. You'll fit right in. {Devnote: Reassuring}

Minsc: Obliged, wizard. Should we find our way to a weaponsmith, Minsc will rough you up a little - so that you too can fit in. {Devnote: Warm, comradely - would genuinely be doing Gale a favor}

[day-drawn-blog]

Part V: I feel your heart beat in my soul, our futures bound, our bodies known. - I want to live

Pairing: Astarion x Reader -- This is set in Act I

This is part 5. The rest are linked below.

Tags: angst, fluff, eventually smut because I do love that

Part I. Crowned light moon of mine - I found you too soon

Part II : Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight

Part III : maybe tonight I'll rest in peace

Part IV: There is more to do and I still want to live

Part VI: These ain't my sins, I broke my chains

Part VII: You are not mine and am I truly yours?

Part VIII: Your blood like wine, I wanted in.

Part IX: I'll welcome my sentence and give you my penance

Part X : I can't go yet...don't let me die

_____

The day after, you all wandered through the mountain road. You were feeling better. Halsin had ensured you were healing. So did Shadowheart. Laezel looked at you with pride in her eyes. You walked slower than the others. Supported by karlach sometimes. Sometimes Shadowheart. Sometimes carried by karlach. 

Astarion would turn to look at you every now and then. You would look away if he did. It made you blush. 

Did he really tell you those things?

You wanted to talk to him about last night. But there had been no opportunity yet. Everyone was wary. Everyone was tired. everyone was covered in dust and blood. Yesterday had taken a lot out of all of you. You all prayed for a safe journey and looked forward to setting camp. It felt like you had been walking for an eternity. 

So when you found a place at sunset next to a pool of water, everyone was collectively overjoyed. Not only could you all rest, you could all finally feel clean. Karlach and Wyll volunteered to clean everyone's clothes, you were all very grateful. Karlach said she he can dry them real fast. You were curious.

You were looking forward to getting into water.

At nightfall. Laezel dragged you to the pool. Halsin was already there. Everyone had stripped down to minimum inner wear. So you did too. Embarrassing at first but quickly you went in and all was okay. Laezel was very close to you. Lately she has been. It was both flattering and intimidating. But you didn't mind. You liked being liked. Maybe everyone was warming up to you. You enjoyed the feeling. 

Shadowheart appeared with Astarion. 

She was always beautiful. She looked like a goddess right now. Her long dark hair emphasized by her pale bare skin even more. Her body was immaculate. So was yours, you knew. You were all warriors after all. But something about being wanted, made her more attractive you thought. She was confident. She did not yearn. She had it.

Astarion got into the water as well. 

He went to the other side - a little away from you. To join Halsin. Gale joined them too. Shadowheart came next to you and La'ezhel and smiled. "I'm slightly afraid of water. Did you know". Her voice was so melodious. You thought. No wonder she is loved so much.

"Then shouldn't you not be here. I mean, what if you drowned?" Laezel joked or maybe not. You could never tell. "Oh come now. Waist deep water doesn't scare me". Everyone chuckled at the banter. 

You stole a glance at Astarion. 

He was looking at her, smiling, as if proud that she got in the water. Your mistake. What did you expect. Just like any of the other countless times. The only difference was that shadowheart was on your side of the party. She had her arms around you. Maybe they all, got worried yesterday. You appreciated the loving gesture. You felt included and wanted. 

You decided to be kind to her too. 

You would not take away, that which belonged to her. That would be cruel. She was your friend. And ally. And like the others on this journey to salvation, needed your help too. And so you would not turn your back to her. No matter how much it hurt. And it did. It hurt just thinking about it. Familiar pangs. Sharp. Cutting. 

You didn't realize how sad you looked right then. But Astarion did. And he frowned. 

Soon after, among the chatter, you decided it was time to leave. You needed rest. Your aching body was catching up. You expressed that, and got up to leave. Halsin called you out. "let me put the medicine on your wounds before you sleep. Let's get Karlach." You turned to look at him and noticed Astarion looking at you. What was that stare? It was not nonchalant. Searching... fixating.

Odd. 

You suddenly felt acutely aware of how little you were wearing. You felt really vulnerable, and you hurried away. To get Karlach. 

Back in your tent, after Halsin and Karlach had gone, you were finally able to take off your wet clothes. You decided it was a warm enough night to sleep with no clothes under the covers. So you did. 

No one in camp went in anyone's tents without knocking first so you were certain you could get away with such wanton abandon for one night. You could still feel the tingling from the cool waters. You were almost asleep. 

"I got your dry clothes karlach sent" 

Astarion came traipsing in carrying warm dry clothes that karlach had tasked him to take to you. You jolted up. You grabbed the covers and clutched them hard around you. How could you forget?! This guy comes and goes to your tent as he pleases. And that's your own doing! 

"Could - could you give me a moment!!"

He stopped, stared, shocked, blushed and turned around. "Oh yes! Terribly sorry! My apologies. That was very impolite of me" he stood with his back to you "where do you want these?" You gestured to next to him, he placed them down still looking away. You pulled the covers all around. 

"My apologies, again. I will see you later".

"Wait" 

"Hmm?"

"Last night... You said .... " 

He turned to look you in your eyes. Very solemn. You couldn't understand his piercing unwavering gaze. 

"I will.... I promise" 

"Are you really... That grateful to me ...?" 

"More than grateful." His voice was low. 

"You don't need to be. I... don't expect anything in return. I do it because I want to help, you. Everyone". 

"And I want is to repay your kindness." 

You looked down. And smiled a little. It was just that. You helped him. He returned the favor. It was sweet. You should be happy with this. Very happy. This is what you wanted after all. To be needed. To save someone. To help. 

There was silence. 

He approached. "How do you feel, today?" And he took your hand in both of his and kissed it. The way he usually does. A reminder. Of your unspoken contract. You thought. 

"Almost as good as new". 

He was waiting. You knew. You sat down. To get comfortable. He sat in front at the foot of your bed. He kissed your hand again as if he was impatient. Then he kissed the palm of your hand and looked at you. Straight in your eyes, with his lips on your palm. He will not wait anymore you thought. His stare was somewhat threatening. Or maybe you were timid. When he was concerned. 

You decided to tease him. 

You said nothing. He kissed a fingertip of yours and you bit your lip. Enough. You could feel yourself tense up. Down there. Throbbing and pulsating. Curse him. He is truly the devil. But you persevered. You wanted to test yourself. 

When it failed to get the permission he wanted, he decided to make a move. 

He leaned forward and moved closer to you. You were so startled you fell backwards. Down on your bed, propped up by your elbows. He put one arm next to your head and pinned you down while looking down at you. You stared at his beautiful face, blankly.

What is happening?

"You know", he smiled, seductively, "if you keep teasing me like this, I might want.... more ...". He said the last word very softly. But it rang through your body. You felt a pulsation. Another throb. You stared at him in your shock and surprise. Unsure what to do. This was not your plan. Who is this man.

Is this what he does to Shadowheart at night? 

"More?!" Your desire to play the game had heightened. 

He smiled again - a beautiful smile, charming and happy. 

"Why yes, darling. I'm talking about that lovely neck of yours, of course". 

What?! 

All this time, all he wanted...was to bite your neck?! Your neck.... His lips would be ....to your neck...you would feel...his face, next to yours.... It was very... frighteningly.....tempting....

What happened to your aversion of being bit in the neck? Why do you crave it now? What has this man done to you? Robbed you of yourself and your reason it seems. 

You stared at him in disbelief. 

"May I"? 

"I promise to be gentle. I promise....it will feel good." 

For you!!! You thought. What?!

But you were losing yourself in the honey from his words. He is too close. Breathing on you. You could smell him. Feel him. He was slowly getting closer and and closer. You may be getting used, but perhaps you may get something out of this after all! You bargained.

The opportunity to touch him. 

You could touch his hair, his face, maybe even his back.... You felt lust overtake every part of your body as you closed your eyes and looked away, exposing your lovely neck to him. Praying he wouldn't hurt you. 

He lowered himself. One leg between yours. His face fit closer to yours. And you felt his warm breath on your skin. The anticipation was painful. He touched your skin with his lips. You sucked in air and gasped. He kissed your neck lightly like he would your hand. Shivers ran down you. Was this really happening? Your pulse quickened. You were throbbing.

He kissed it a few more times. Soft, gentle, as if savoring it. You bit your lips to stop yourselves from moaning. Why is he doing this? You clutched the bed and the covers tight. You had stopped breathing.

Then he gently pierced his fangs in you. Very slowly. And settled in. You moaned. You knew it no longer matted - he would not notice anymore. Bliss. Because you could now let go of the covers. You grabbed him with both hands. Clutching the shirt on his back.

Fair exchange. You thought.

As he drained you, you let you several breathy quiet moans. And you arched your back. You so wished to be touched. But you knew, he was not making love to you. 

You lifted your leg at one point. And realized, as it grazed him. He was, very hard. He was a man after all, and this was very intimate. Or maybe, feeding made him so happy. You didn't care... your brain was fuzzy. It was pleasurable. You couldn't believe that it was him you were sharing such a pleasure with. You wished this would last a bit though not much because you did love your body. 

Eventually you tugged his hair sharply. And he finally stopped. He let out a sharp gasp of air. Then proceeded to lick the wound. Like he always did. It was not helping. Several times, your throbbing self, your leg brushed past he hard self. It only made you want him more. You tugged at his shirt with both your hands now. He kept kissing. 

His kisses got wetter, louder, till he was obviously just a man savoring his lover and no longer a vampire savoring his prey. He kissed and licked under your ears. Then kissed your ears. Too much. Too close. His face was too close. He kissed your cheek. And licked it once.

Stop. What are you doing. 

But he didn't. He held your face and licked the other side. Kissed your other cheek. It was as if he was so euphoric he had lost control. You moaned louder and louder. Stop. You begged him mentally.

But also, not to.

He continued to kiss your other neck, and ear, down to your collarbone now. And came back up to your chin. Your head was tilted all the way back. You dared not open your eyes lest you lose control too. You were in his complete embrace at this point.

But then, he finally did stop. 

He paused and looked at you. Searching for something in your eyes. You looked at him then his lips. Then his eyes again. He was so close. His nose was almost touching yours. You must be going crazy. You didn't want him to leave yet. And he was right there. You had to. You just did. 

You reached up and kissed him. 

Surprised at first, he kissed you back. Hard. Your head was back in the pillow. He took charge. Moved your hands away and dragged your cover away. Your nipples were probably very hard and visible you thought.

He paused. As if something had just brought him back to reality. He then looked at you. your uncovered half, your nipples. He looked at your naked half body for a second. Then sat back up. Covered his face in his hands for a few moments. Then he got up and ran out. 

Part VI: These ain't my sins, I broke my chains

[sorcerous-caress]

oh god VERY MUCH NOT mommy kink like it’s just “funny haha” slip up

Accidentally calling them "mom"

[Fluff, platonic, nb!reader]

[Jaheira, Karlach, Minthara, Halsin, Gale]

Jaheira

"Very amusing, cub, it's still not getting you out of doing your chores."

She'd think you said it on purpose to tease her about her age or being a mother, although she is mostly used to using the hag word instead. Doesn't take it to heart.

It's probably your silence afterwards that makes her realise it was a slip of the tongue.

It honestly doesn't phase her even then. She has been called weirder stuff by some young harpers before. She won't call you out on it to not embarrass you.

It is anything. It is ironic a bit because she has been treating you and the companions like she'd treat her own kids for a while.

But you don't need to know that.

Karlach

Laughs nervously. "Hey soldier, I'm not that old yet."

Even when she thinks you meant it as a joke, she'd get a bit concerned if she's been suffocating or nagging you like a mother, not that she knew what it was like but still, she really wanted to be a friend.

Unlike Jaheira, she will embarrass you by bringing it up later, during dinner, in front of the whole camp.

"If you're dead set on it, how about big sister instead?"

She sees it as a win, she has finally fixed the situation yes. The reason you've abandoned your plate and hiding your face from Astarion's wicked witch cackling is because you're so happy to have a cool big sister like her.

Minthara

"Ihars demand respect, something you need to learn."

To her, being a mom is a position of authority more than a parental role.

You explain it was just a slip of the tongue and not you actually requesting her to act like your mom.

"It must hold some truth to slip by your guard." She'd argue.

Honestly she never had plans to be your mom, she is in her own twisted sense of humour, messing with you.

She knows how to joke, yeah, she is hip like the teens. How are you doing, fellow kids?

It's just that uh...all her jokes are delivered with a dry tone and a serious expression, which causes massive misunderstandings.

It would take you a week before you realise she was only joking.

Halsin

Happy, actually happy. "Oak father preserve you child, mind saying it again?"

You better run and find a hole to bury yourself in because Halsin is wearing that mom badge unironiclly

He doesn't even care for the title gender being the wrong one, he is a proud mom okay?

Is understanding if you explain that it was just an accident. Still asks if it means he isn't a mother figure to you?

It's a fair game if you say he isn't. But if you say he is? He'd actually feel warm inside, being this mentor or guide figure to you. It's genuinely a great honour.

Don't worry he will never abuse the accidental mom title, merely using it as an achievement or trophy to prove that he is walking the right path in life.

Gale

Chokes on the soup, he was test tasting, face red and eyes avoiding your gaze. You'd almost think he was the one who called you mom and not the other way around.

"Well- I...you see. The thing is" keeps stuttering while you help wipe away the soup he spilled all over his camp clothes.

Clearing his throat, he attempts to regain a grain of composure as he says, "With the current circumstances, i don't think I would be the best available option for your...choice of parental figure."

You feel less embarrassed about the whole situation from how much embarrassed he is by it.

You get a bigger portion of soup and food each night from now on as an apology from Gale.

[kudzuoath]

Hello!

Based on a scenario with my friend where a camp dialogue ended in a wild magic cats and dogs situation, how do you think the companions would react to Scratch being a cat for a bit and/or the owlbear being a dog?…and in case you were wondering, after the magic wore off we had every companion nearby in a murderous fury so that was a hilariously unexpected reason to reload a save >.<.

That is so incredibly funny, omg. More and more my inner chaos gremlin wants to play a wild magic sorcerer!

As for how the camp would react...

Jaheira thinks it's funny, and comments on how much easier our Owlbear son will be to smuggle into the city. She probably also is coaching cat-scratch how to cat because honestly our poor dog is probably so confused. I picture him like a dog wearing socks on a kitchen floor.

Something something; "Nature's fury can wait for all of us to laugh ourselves sick about this for a little while."

(Owlbear son is both pleased and full of fury. Pleased because hey! He matches his dog brother! Only not right now. Full of fury because he's suddenly so much smaller and actually less deadly, boo. But on the flipside, he can now be carried like a baby because since he's a cub this means he's not just a dog he's a PUPPY)

Halsin is in a similar boat to Jaheira but also concerned about the mental health of the animals. I'm being so serious about this. The Owl-puppy finds him easiest to manipulate for the duration. In general he's the least amused by the situation, if not actually upset by it.

Wyll is immune to owl-puppy's manipulations, but is very amused by them. He babies the stressed out Scratch though, and has him calmed down and purring in his lap long before anyone else can manage it. If asked he'll just smile and say something like 'The Blade isn't just about hunting down the wicked, it's about providing comfort, too." And to Cat-Scratch something like 'No worries my fine friend, this is a temporary trial. You'll come out the other side all the stronger for it."

Astarion is groaning and pouting a little bit about his favorite murder-loaf (unless you're playing Durge) becoming a sweet little puppy. Right until those puppy teeth go for his ankles when the Owl-puppy realizes he CAN bite now without killing anyone. Then he senses the potential for chaos and encourages the Owl-puppy to go after Gale's things. On the flipside he's charmed to by cat-Scratch and dotes on him. Which is really just him being more open with how much he actually likes our dog.

Gale is busy fending off the Owl-puppy from his books, his boots, the ends of his robes, etc. But he's also entertaining the newly presented concept of polymorphing animals into other animals and probably have a one sided conversation with both animals about how the spell works, in particular 'true polymorph' and if the animal in question would choose their new form or their old one. He will also later question the wild magic sorcerer responsible for this why their magic so often turns everything small and fluffy.

Karlach laughs, but is fighting every ounce of cute aggression in her soul at the mere sight of the owl-puppy. Unlike an owlbear cub, the puppy is soooo much more fragile and soooo much tinier. Actually clutching at her chest. Cat-scratch is similarly tinier, and just as adorable as normal. Attempts to get cat-scratch to ride on her shoulder like a parrot.

Lae'zel sighs. Like Astarion she finds the Owl-puppy a disappointing change. Unlike him she does not have the chaos instinct. She laments his far less effective teeth and claws and size and solemnly promises to find him a set of metal claws and beak should his new state of being become permanent.

Shadowheart is in the same boat as Karlach (though she thinks both animals as just as cute normally) the only difference is her attempted act of indifference. Maybe a touch of concern -- mostly due to the fact that the Owlbear is going to need to learn not to bite all over again. Like Wyll, cat-scratch ends up purring in her lap. She rather likes both of them being smaller -- they're more portable. And easier to smuggle into the city.

[blackjackkent]

First long rest, at a campsite within the "Dank Crypt" which it seems like we're going to have to traverse in order to get back to the surface.

Charmingly, everyone apparently has pajamas! Or at least casual clothes they slip into when in camp.

This is Hector's casual Friday wear.

Also somewhat charmingly, everyone has their own little bedroom area set up where we can go talk to them for relationship convos. So let's make the rounds.

"You strike me as the reliable sort, but are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Sure *what* is a good idea?"

"There are lit fuses in our heads. Sooner or later, they're going to blow. Each hour that passes, the thing inside us grows. We need to find a healer. Let's wake up at first light."

"Agreed. Our top priority, as far as I'm concerned."

"Maybe we will get lucky. We're overdue some good fortune. Rest well. We'll need our strength."

Hector is definitely in no hurry to take any longer than necessary about the tadpoles, don't worry, Shadowheart.

---

"Shadowheart seems jumpy. Must not relish the thought of sprouting tentacles. Understandable - can't say I'm a fan either. It's just hard to join in when all of this feels so new. The night normally means bustling streets, bursting taverns. Curling up in the dirt and resting is...a little novel."

[MONK] "The right herbs can make a soothing tea, if you can't settle in."

"Ah, no. Tea isn't really my drink. I'll be awake a while anyway. I need some time to think things through. To process this. You sleep. I'll keep watch."

"Thank you. I'll sleep better for that."

"The pleasure is all mine. Sweet dreams."

Hector doesn't actually trust Astarion yet, after their initial introduction. I think, though, that he feels like the offer of keeping watch is being made in good faith, so he's willing to respond to it likewise - for now at least.

Also I love the "I never drink...wine..." vibes of that one line. XD

---

"Go to hell."

"Was there anything in particular I did to deserve such a greeting?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just poorly making a point. 'Go to hell.' An everyday expression. So trivial it's almost meaningless. But we've seen hell. It's real. And it isn't trivial."

"You sound a tad more dejected than when we first met."

"Merely contemplating. Devils, dragons, mind flayers - they used to be abstracts. Pictures on a piece of paper. What a difference a day makes. Now we have tadpoles slithering through our heads like carnivorous foeti. That's not abstract."

"What can I say but that you're right? We're in deep you-know-what."

"Point well-made, I see. I'll wake you bright and early. We'll need to find a healer before the wee one gets hungry."

#lethectorsayshit

I think so far he really likes Gale best of the party he's found so far. He's got a mix of casual tone and academic verbiage, confidence and introspection, that is rather comforting to this sage monk far outside his comfort zone.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Robin and Gale Hood; Ben Hardy x reader Chap. 7

*Author’s note*

Another short and sweet chapter for you all and just one more to go so I hope you all will also watch the video I provide cause it’s also the song from the Disney film and if you know the words or want to follow along with the lyrics, sing along! Enjoy my loveies!

Chapter 7,

Phony King of England

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@simonedk

@ixchel-9275

@psychosupernatural

@waddles03

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@geek-and-proud

@queensdivas

@queen-paladin

@queendeakyy

@wormzteef

_____________________________________________________

Popping out from the bushes was Friar Tuck.  Soon enough coming out from the bushes and trees surrounding the camp were the rest of the people of Nottingham.

“Long live Robin and Gale Hood!” cheered Friar Tuck.  Soon coming from either side of the Friar were two of his helpers of the church, Father Jim and Sister Anita.

“And long live Prince James and Maid Marian!” proclaimed father Jim.

“Bravo! Bravo!” soon all the people of Nottingham began to cheer.  The four young heroes smiled as they looked at the people of Nottingham.

“And damned to hell with that scoundrel Prince John!” a familiar Welsh to the two young rouges called out.  They soon saw standing between Kit and David was a now healed Gilbert.

“Gilbert!” the siblings proclaimed happily before racing over to him and embraced him tightly.

“Takes more than a knife to kill me. But you both are squeezing the bandages area.”

“Sorry, sorry.” The siblings apologized as they released him.

“We’re just so glad to see you’re alright. You had us worried.” Gale said.

“Hey I couldn’t leave you lot behind. Especially you Gale. Who else is gonna keep your brother in check.” He cheekily winked at her. She softly giggled.

“I think I’d be more worried about you Gilbert. You’re even cockier than Robin is at times.”

“Hey!” Robin exclaimed.

“She’s got you there Rob.” Little John nodded.

“Agreed.” Said Kit shrugging.

“Fraid that’s true Robin. I did warn you that the tournament was a trap but did you listen to me? No.” David said.

“Okay, Okay I get it! I deserve the insults.”

“Alright now my darlings enough of teasing the fox brother. I’d say in light of this glorious occasion a celebration is in order.” I said to them.

The people all applauded and that’s when the beautiful Gale told me.

PLAY VIDEO

“Take it away then Alan!” I turned to the rest of the band and gave them a nod as I began to play my lute and they joined up behind me in a merry tune.  People then began to dance about as I sang a song about our Phony king of England.

Oh, the world will sing of an English King A thousand years from now And not because he passed some laws Or had that lofty brow While bonny good King Richard leads The great crusade he's on We'll all have to slave away For that good-for-nothin' John Incredible as he is inept Whenever the history books are kept They'll call him the phony king of England *All* A pox on the phony king of England!          “Care to take the next verse Little John?” I asked Robin’s second in command.

“Certainly.” Little John said in a posh tone.  As Little John sung the next verse, behind the camp a little puppet show was being put on.  Friar Tuck had made with a small bag of empty grain and old rags a stick puppet of Prince John.

As he made the puppet of our ‘good’ Prince John prance around (the crown slipping off his head of course), the Blacksmith Adam Sharpe raised his arm up wearing a yellow sock, representing his snake counselor Sir Heston.

The two of them acted out their ‘old married couple’ arguments with Heston nagging into the Prince’s ear before the friar peeked his hand through the shirt of his puppet to choke Sir Heston.  As well as beating him on the head.

Adam Sharpe then shook his hand and took the stick back and began to hit the Prince John puppet back twice as hard over the head sending him down.  Then the good ol Friar proceeded to mimic our Prince John sucking his thumb with the puppet, all pouty faced and everything.

It got the whole crowd laughing and rolling on their side right before Adam hit the puppet over the head once again, this time obliterating it to pieces.  As Adam and the Friar peeked up and looked at the puppet, they merely shrugged and turned to their audience and bowed their heads.

*Little John*

He sits alone on the giant throne Pretendin' he's the king A little tyke who's rather like A puppet on a string And he throws an angry tantrum If he cannot have his way And then he calls for Mom

While he's suckin' his thumb You see, he doesn't want to play Too late to be known as John the First He's sure to be known as John the Worst A pox on that phony king of England! Lay that country on me, babe!          As the band and I kept playing our merry tune, the people proceeded to dance.

It was like the festivals of old that Nottingham was once famous for.  Yeah you wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t told you but Nottingham is best known for all of it’s fabulous festivals.  We had parties that even made the people in London tremble with envy.

I saw Robin and Marian dancing together, spinning around one another and never once releasing each other’s hands.  Arthur and the Merry Men doing a little jig together, then my eyes turned to James and Gale (whom I would say were the most passionate dancers).

Doing spins, tricks, and him raising her up in the air before setting her back down.  Never have I seen the village so happy since King Richard left for the crusades.  It was like things were going back to normal.

But enough of that, I got back to the final verse of my song as the villagers clapped along and our two lovely ladies Gale and Marian began to dance with each other.  The two ladies joined hands before spinning away from each other to go to their next partners.

Marian went with the Bucher while Gale went to Adam Sharpe. The two ladies joined hands with their male partners and spun around before Gale moved onto Arthur.  She and the future Count joined hands with each other and spun around each other, while next to them Marian now danced with Adam and the Bucher clapped along to the beat.

After a few more spins, Gale went to the Bucher while Marian went over to Arthur and Adam now clapped to the beat.  After that the men now clapped as our two ladies rejoined hands and danced around each other, all smiles and laughing joyously.

Almost close to the end of my song, I leaned down towards young Michael Sharpe and pointed out and soon sticking himself through the once Prince John puppet was the scoundrel Robin Hood.  The crown sliding down perfectly onto his head.

As the crowd began to laugh, Gale soon attacked her brother in a hug from behind.  She leaned against her brother while Robin playfully ruffled his little sister’s hair. She pushed her brother’s hand off her hair and took the crown and placed it on her head as the two fox siblings stuck their tongues out cheekily. While he taxes us to pieces And he robs us of our bread King Richard's crown keeps slippin' down Around that pointed head Ah! But while there is a merry man In the foxes wily pack We'll find a way to make him pay And steal our money back A minute before he knows we're there Ol' Rob and Gale'll snatch his underwear The breezy and uneasy king of England The snivellin', grovellin' Measly, weasely Blabberin', jabberin' Gibberin', jabberin' Plunderin', plottin' Wheelin', dealin' Prince John, that phony king of England Yeah!

         Yes my darling we partied in Sherwood forest till the sun began to rise in the sky. It warmed my heart so much having that little party, like I told you it’s the most fun we’ve had in years.

         After everyone left Sherwood forest to return to their homes, all that left was the royal trio, Robin, Gale and the rest of the Merry Men.  Now I should mention this in advance, they probably wouldn’t want me telling this part but I’m a nosy person so I couldn’t help myself.

Prince James and Gale excused themselves to have a little privacy.  So the two of them ended up deeper into the woods where a romantic cliffside stood. You can see the sunrise so clearly without any hindrance of trees, bushes, or even the mountains.

James and Gale cuddled close together as the night became the dawn.  Gale resting her head against James’ shoulder and James having his arm wrapped around her waist, his head resting on top of hers.

“I’ve always loved the sunrise. I always found it to be the most beautiful sight in the world.” Gale said.

“Yeah. Beautiful.” James whispered in awe looking down at her, completely ignoring the sunrise.  She looked up to see him looking down at her.  She shyly blushed before turning her head away but James tipped her chin back up to look at him. “Gale……meeting you has probably been the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Even given the circumstance?” she said as she fingered the scar under his chin from where she had hit him with the rock.

“I let you take that hit.”

“Sure, sure keep telling yourself that.” She hummed.

“I wouldn’t go insulting me.” He warned.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” she challenged.

“Because.” He gave her a kiss. “I seem to recall that you.” he kissed her cheek before growling in her ear. “Are ticklish.” He then attacked her sides with tickles and Gale began laughing.  James kept a tight grip onto her sides as he growled an evil chuckle as she kept laughing.

“OKAY! OKAY STOP! Stop! Stohahahp!” he ceased his attacks and the two continued to stare at each other.

“There’s……another reason why I wanted you alone.”

“And what was that reason Charming?” he took a deep breath before exhaling out and he said as he took her left hand and stared deeply into her eyes.

“Gale, meeting you has been the best thing that ever happened to me….”

“You said that already.”

“Will you let me finish?” he laughed.

“Sorry, go head. Go ahead.”

“You’re not like most girls. You’re strong, independent, a skilled fighter, a wild spirit. But you also have a kind soul, a heart of gold, and are loyal to your cause. The people of Nottingham are in your debt. No—all of England is in your debt.”

“Well I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Modesty. That’s another thing that I’ve always loved about you. You think you deserve nothing when you deserve the entire world. You care not for gold or riches in return for your services. But I—I hope that my love and…….”

“James.” She interrupted him. “Your love is all I’ve ever needed. In fact all I ever need in this world to be happy is you.”

“And you will. You will always have me my love, but I—I hope I can also have this.” He stood up till he was on one knee and he took something out of his pocket.

A small blood red ring box.

He opened it and inside was a beautiful engagement ring. A small diamond stood at the center while emerald and blue jewels surrounded the golden band.  Gale gasped and looked up at James.

“It was my mother’s engagement ring. Before I left for London, my father gave it to me and told me to give this ring to the one woman whom would make my life worth wild. Worth fighting for, worth living for. And Gale—you are that woman. So……will you Gale Hood, like to spend an eternity by my side as my wife?”

Gale was speechless.  Helpless as she stared into those eyes of his.  Her breathing slightly increased as she choked out.

“But you—you know I am of not royal blood. What would that…..”

“To hell with those ol farts! Or anyone else who deems it wrong. All I know is that a world without you by my side is a world not worth living. As long as I’m alive Gale I swear to the mighty Father above you’ll never feel alone again.”

A smile spread across Gale’s face as she finally told him the two words that would forever seal their fate together.

“I do.” James’ face lightened up with a smile as he placed the ring on her finger and the two young lovers kissed each other lovingly. Their faces being cupped by the other person before they embraced one another.

After releasing from their embrace, James wrapped his arms around his future wife and held her left hand, the two of them admiring his mother’s ring on her finger.

“I know you said you weren’t the jewelry type. But this ring suits you.”

“I think I’m starting to agree with you. I love you, Charming.”

“And I you, my sly vixen.” They kissed each other softly before turning back to see the sun now up in the sky.

As the day went on, the town’s folk would secretly sing my song to themselves, like it was their own secret little code.  And I wouldn’t believe it for myself but even ol ‘stick up his arse’ Sheriff of Nottingham heard of the song and couldn’t help but sing it to himself.

He came into the palace to deliver his daily tax fees that he had collected.  And he was singing the song to himself while at the desk, Sir Heston was looking down at the records and heard the Sheriff singing.

He throws an angry tantrum If he cannot have his way He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb And doesn't want to play Too late to be known as John the First He's sure to be known as John the Worst

         The two of them laughed about it as the Sheriff said.

         “How about that huh?”

“That’s PJ to a T. Let me try, let me try.” Heston laughed. He then began to clear his throat trying to find the right key as he began to sing, unaware that just behind the Sheriff with a wine bottle in his hand, was Prince John himself.

To late to be known as John the first

He’s sure to be known as John the wors—

When Heston saw Prince John standing behind him, the snake stammered as he began to quickly change the insults to praises.

“The fabulous. Marvelous, merciful. Sheer—”

“No, no, no, no, no! You got it all wrong Heston. The Snivellin, grovellin, measly, weaslin…..”

“ENOUGH!!!!” Prince John roared.  He threw the wine bottle over the Sheriff’s head.  The glass shattered to pieces as he was now drenched in wine.

“No, no, no sire I would never personally call you that. It’s just the whole village has been singing it. All day in fact.”

“Oh they have, have they? Well…..they’ll be singing a different tune.” The arrogant prince threatened as he got up in the Sheriff’s face. “Double the taxes! Triple the taxes! SQUEEZE EVERY LAST DROP OUT OF THOSE INSOLENT……musical peasants.”

[kriscme]

One Life To Live

Hi, here’s my latest chapter.  As usual, subject to change if it suits the plot and it will all go on AO3 when it’s finished.   Thanks to Ronja for allowing me to write fanfic of her Hunger Games fanfic “The Chance You Didn’t Take” available on AO3 and FanFiction.  Chapter 22 Johanna makes sure that Marcus is well out of earshot before she speaks.

In a low voice, she asks, “Do you think I’m still invited to the wedding?”

I glance sharply at her, unsure whether she’s trying to be funny or not.  But, no, she’s serious.  As if the worst outcome from this fiasco would be a rescinded wedding invitation.

“Not if Lace has anything to do with it,” I answer.  I doubt Johanna was ever on the invitation list, anyway.   Peeta only mentioned Delly when he talked about the people from his side he could ask to the wedding.  Not Johanna, or Annie, or my mother.  I suppose Delly is the only one he has complete memories of.   It’s a wonder that Haymitch or I made the list.  “I’m probably not either,” I add.  “Peeta’s pretty mad.”

Johanna sits in same chair in my living room that she vacated earlier this evening.  And Marcus is in the kitchen, making hot chocolate.   I drop my head into my hands and groan.  What a horrible, horrible night.   To think I’ve been waiting months for some kind of breakthrough with Peeta and tonight I got my wish.  Only it wasn’t the one I’d been hoping for – the one where Peeta discovers that it was me he loved all along.  Instead I’m back to being mistrusted.  Maybe even hated. I go over in my head how this all came about, to try to make sense of it.  The evening started well enough.  Johanna and Max appeared to have put an end to hostilities, although I did note that Max made sure to sit at the opposite end of the table, well out of striking range. But Max had no cause to worry.   To his chagrin, Johanna ignored him.  All her attention was on Arthur.   And Arthur really seemed to like it.   I don’t think anyone had paid him so much attention in his life.  Johanna leaned towards him, intent on every word he uttered as if it were the most fascinating thing she’d ever heard.  She complimented him on his appearance, his knowledge of wine (Arthur appeared baffled at this - I think all he cares about wine is that it’s red, but he took the compliment anyway), his ambition, and, most importantly for Arthur, his business acumen. She even listened, mesmerized, as Arthur described in excruciating detail, of his plans to open a clothing factory.   It was puzzling to say the least. Johanna had paid only cursory attention to Arthur the last time they met.  Johanna likes her men to be a little on the wild side, and Arthur definitely isn’t that.   But when I saw Lace’s reaction, Johanna’s motives became clear.  She was trying to make Lace jealous.  And it was working.   Lace became quieter, less effusive, and obviously distracted.  There was a moment when Peeta seemed to sense something was wrong.  I saw him lean in and whisper something in her ear, presumably something to cheer her up.  Lace laughed her pearly laugh and kissed his cheek.  And then she went right back to watching Arthur and Johanna.

I tried to see it from Lace’s point of view.  I already knew she was possessive over him.  I consider myself a bit of an expert on this. It’s like when Madge braved a snow storm to bring morphling to ease Gale’s pain after the whipping.  Haymitch insinuated that there was something between Gale and Madge and I didn’t like it.  And when I reversed Gale’s and my situation in my head, and it was Gale who became another girl’s lover, and then returned home with her, living close by, and getting engaged to her.  I was overwhelmed with hatred for them both.  He is mine, I am his, I remember thinking.  And in that moment, I genuinely believed it.  But then, not long after, waking panicked from a nightmare, I wished that Peeta were there to hold me.   So, I didn’t set much store by it, what Lace was feeling right then.  When you’re at the crossroad, and there’s a path that hasn’t been explored, but will close forever if you don’t take it, it’s hard to let it go.  Even when, deep down, you know that the direction your feet are pointed in, is the right one.

 Peeta seemed a little distracted too. It’s like he had to remind himself that, as a good fiancé, he should be extra attentive.  So, even as he held her hand, bringing it to his lips occasionally, and making sure she was never without a drink, there was an absent quality to it.  If he had been paying attention, he should have slowed Lace’s drinking down.  Lace guzzled one cocktail after another.  It was like she was going down the list.   All that liquid had to go somewhere, and it wasn’t long before Lace had to go to the bathroom.   “I’ll come with you,” announced Johanna, rising quickly from her seat.  “Katniss, come join us?”  

“What?” I spluttered in surprise.  I had been deep in discussion with Marcus over what provisions we’d need for the camp.  I was about to say no thanks, but then saw Johanna making small jerking movements of her head, which I recognized as some kind of signal.  “Ah, OK.  I suppose it couldn’t hurt.” Lace immediately sequestered herself in one on the stalls.  She really needed to go.  Johanna and I were finished first.  While I washed my hands, Johanna stood at the mirror, fluffing her hair. Over the sound of a flushing toilet, Johanna whispered, “Whatever happens, just go along with it.  OK?” “OK,” I whispered back.  “But what do you – “   “Arthur is by far the most fascinating man I’ve ever met,” gushed Johanna.  Lace had just emerged.  “And I’ve met a lot of men.” “Yes,” I say, taking Johanna’s lead.  “He’s a man going places, that’s for sure.  And he’s very attractive too.  And so nice. Most men would be full of themselves, if they had half of what Arthur’s got going for him.  But he’s not like that at all.”  It was a little bit exaggerated, but mostly true. “It’s hard to believe that some lucky woman hasn’t claimed him by now,” said Johanna, as she applied lipstick in a cupid’s bow to accentuate her sexy pout.   “When I was at the salon the other day, Flavius told me that his female clients confessed to having the biggest crush on him.  Even Octavia.  He said she’s always finding an excuse to go into his shop.  The salon and the tailor shop are right next door to each other, you know.”  

“Well, she’s wasting her time,” said Lace, in an acerbic voice.  “Arthur would never go for someone like that.  He likes natural beauty.  He’s told me so.  Green skin, dyed hair.  It’s not the way to attract Arthur at all.”  She looked pointedly at Johanna’s red tipped spiky dark hair.  Johanna stared back at Lace’s.   Lace flushed uncomfortably.  It’s an open secret that Lace’s hair colour isn’t natural.   “Octavia isn’t green anymore.” I said. “She’s let the skin dye fade out. And under it was a beautiful peaches and cream complexion.  And the blue in her hair has gone too, leaving it a natural blond.  There’s nothing artificial about Octavia’s appearance now.”  Unless you count false eyelashes, fingernails and hair extensions.

Johanna gave herself a final appraisal in the mirror and then undid all the buttons of her shirt to expose a large expanse of bare flesh down the middle of her chest.   She wasn’t wearing a bra.

“Octavia is sweet enough.  But what Arthur needs is a woman.  Not some giggly little girl.  Someone who knows how to please a man and make him feel special.   If there was ever a man who deserved to be shown a good time, it’s Arthur.  And maybe I’m the one to give it to him,” said Johanna, with a suggestive wink, as she walked out the door. I turned to Lace with a shrug, as if to say, “what else can you expect from Johanna?”  But Lace barely looked at me and swept past without a word.  I felt a little ashamed. Maybe I shouldn’t have participated in Johanna’s attempt to manipulate Lace.   I wouldn’t like to have my feelings played with like that.  Besides, making Lace jealous over Arthur won’t help Peeta find himself. I returned to my seat, and was cheered to have Marcus waiting for me with a smile and a fresh drink.  Johanna went back to charming Arthur, making sure to strategically lean forward so that the underside of her breasts could clearly be seen beneath her shirt.    Arthur’s face was pink, but whether it was from titillation or embarrassment, it was hard to tell.  Lace was all over Peeta, smiling up at him, stroking his hand, but her eyes kept flitting to Arthur and Johanna.   And that’s how the night might have continued, if not for Max.   He’d been uncharacteristically quiet.  I guess he would have felt a little left out. Johanna had monopolized Arthur, and I had been mostly talking to Marcus.  That left Peeta and Lace, neither of whom were their usual sociable selves. I guess Max wanted to liven things up. Stir the pot a little.   “Hey, Johanna,” he called out.  “You seem to be missing half your shirt.  Should we take up a collection?” “Why don’t you take up a collection for the missing half of your brain,” Johanna snapped back.  “I don’t know how you got to be a teacher.   I’d hate to see your kids.” “So would I,” laughed Max, having taken no offense at all.   “Max is right,” chipped in Lace.  “It’s disgusting how you expose yourself like that. Do you really think people like seeing you naked?  It might be how people behave in the Capitol, where they have no morals.  But not in the districts.  We have standards here – something you evidently know nothing about.” Johanna’s brown eyes flashed with fury.  It was fortunate there were no axes nearby. One might have ended up in Lace’s skull. “Standards, eh?  Well, I’ve never lied about who I am.  Or had anyone doubt where my loyalties lie.  So don’t talk to me about standards, you hypocritical bitch. “ The colour drained from Lace’s face, and her mouth opened to say something but nothing came out.  Peeta stared at her in bewilderment.  She hasn’t told him, I realised.  I really thought she would have by now.  “Lace, what is she talking about?”  he asked. “What’s going on?”   Lace didn’t answer.  She just looked beseechingly at Arthur.   Arthur rose from his chair and went to her side.  “She hasn’t done anything wrong.  It was a misunderstanding, that’s all.  We can explain it later.  But here isn’t the place.”   “We?” asked Peeta, with voice raised. “How many people know about – whatever this thing I don’t know about is?   He scanned each of our faces in turn.  “Johanna?” Johanna said nothing.  She just looked down at the table, but an almost imperceptible sideways glance at me gave it away.   “Katniss, did you know?” he asked me in a hushed voice.  I could hear the hurt of betrayal. “Yes,” I said, unable to look him in the eye. “I found out about it when I was in 8 for Sateen’s wedding.  I told Haymitch.  We thought it better if you heard it from Lace.  We thought she would have told you by now.”   “So, everyone knows except me,” said Peeta. “I don’t,” said Max.  “Anyone care to enlighten me?”

“Just shut up,” I hissed at him.  I turned back to Peeta.  “We didn’t want to interfere.  You were so happy . . . and, well, it wasn’t our place.   We figured that if things got really serious between the two of you, Lace would tell you.   I’m sorry.” “You and Haymitch . . . this isn’t the first time you’ve kept things from me, is it?” My skin prickled at the tone of his voice. I sensed danger and the memory of a similar scene cut across my consciousness, of a dome of the Justice Building in 11, of broken furniture and thick dust.  Of Peeta, furious, because Haymitch and I hadn’t told him of Snow’s threats.   “No,” I whispered. Peeta made a swift sweeping gesture with his hand, as if his body remembered striking out at some phantom object.  “This – this – game you two play, where you tell each other secrets but keep them from me like I’m too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them.” “It wasn’t like that Peeta – “ I begin. “It’s exactly like that!” he said, his voice cold with anger.  “After all we’ve been through together, don’t I even rate the truth from you?”   “Of course, you do.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.” I was on the verge of tears.  I felt Marcus’s arm around my shoulders.  “I think it might be a good time to leave,” he said quietly in my ear. I nodded my assent.  People around us were staring, fascinated.  The gossips would have a field day with this.   “Jo?” said Marcus.   “Yeah, OK.” Johanna stood and retrieved her coat where it was draped over her chair.  “Sorry, Peeta.  You shouldn’t have found out like this,” she said, with a meaningful glare at Lace.  

The last image I had was Arthur consoling a sobbing Lace, Peeta watching us leave, and Max shrugging his shoulders at the onlookers.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!   All that effort in being scrupulously honest to regain Peeta’s trust destroyed within seconds.  I guess I should have told him myself and not relied on either Haymitch or Lace to do it. But then I remember there were also good reasons for not telling him.  Between a rock and a hard place, I think they call it.  I suppose it’s definitely all over with Peeta now, even the friendship.   Maybe it’s for the best.  I was going to separate myself from him anyway.  What does it matter if it’s before the wedding, rather than after?  Isn’t it better if it’s his decision?  That way, I won’t have to find excuses for staying away from him.   And then I think of how Peeta must be feeling right now, and I feel really, really bad in a way that’s unconnected with me. With his memories either distorted and incomplete, he relies on others to be honest with him, and not to keep things from him.  How can he know what’s real or not real, otherwise?  It must feel like some kind of conspiracy that everyone but himself was included.  No wonder it’s evoked memories of what happened in 11.   And me, the person he should be able to rely on the most, has let him down.   When I at last raise my head, I see Johanna regarding me with a puzzled expression. “It was weird how he took out all his anger on you, wasn’t it?  You’d think he’d be mad at Lace, but it was like she didn’t matter.”  

“No, not really,” I reply.  “It reminded him of another time, that’s all.”  And not a good one either, I silently add.   “Do you think they’ll split up over it?” I shake my head.  “I doubt it.  Not once things settle down.  She hasn’t lied about anything really important.  It was only her first name and that she was a factory worker.  Even that can be explained away as simply stretching the truth.  Lace could be a pet name for Chantilly, and owners do work in their own factories.  They just do a different kind of work.” “It was still deception,” says Johanna.   “Yeah, but not meant to harm. He’ll understand why, although he’ll likely be disappointed that she didn’t confide him in much earlier.  And it was only Arthur who knew originally, and that’s because they knew each other before. It’s not like she told the rest of us, but not Peeta.”   “Humph” snorts Johanna. “I wouldn’t be so quick to forgive, if I were him.  A lie is still a lie.  Especially if you’re about to marry the guy.  And what about what she said to me?  What a bitch.” Well, you did provoke her.  And it was probably about time someone called you out on your exhibitionistic tendency to strip off in inappropriate places.  Like elevators, for instance.  “She’d had quite a lot to drink,” I say.   “It’s no excuse,” she sniffs.  I think Lace really did hurt Johanna’s feelings, but whether it’s over being accused of having no standards, or the notion that people don’t like seeing her naked, I don’t know.  “But what about Peeta?  Do you think I’m still welcome to stay in his house?” Good question.   Peeta might see the justice of not taking sides in this.  After all, Lace had a go at Johanna first, and he doesn’t know what else was going on.  But then, a good fiancé wouldn’t want a house guest his bride-to-be is at odds with. I was evicted from the guest room for far less. “I don’t know,” I say.  “But I think it will OK for tonight.  They’ll have a lot to talk about.  Peeta will probably get home late, if he doesn’t stay the night at Lace’s.  I’d just wait to see what happens.  But there’s always my mother’s old bedroom if you need it.”   I really don’t want Johanna staying here but I feel responsible.  I shouldn’t have told her about Lace.  Or even told Haymitch.  Peeta was the only one I should have told.  If I’d kept my mouth shut, none of this would have happened.  Oh, fuck!  All those people in the pub who heard Johanna’s accusations.  They might not know the details, but it won’t stop the gossip, or prevent anyone from making enquiries, and then finding out.   Lace might have to leave the district.  And Peeta, as her husband, will have to go with her.  He’ll have to leave his home, and his job.  Everything that is familiar.  And it will be all be my fault.  This is much, much, worse than I first thought.  And not only will Peeta and Lace hate me, Arthur will too.  I feel sick.  

Marcus walks in at that moment carrying three mugs of steaming hot chocolate.   I seem destined not to enjoy any of Marcus’s cooking tonight and it tastes like glue in my mouth.  We make inconsequential conversation, carefully avoiding any topic connected with the events of the last few hours.  Eventually, Johanna makes her leave and Marcus and I are alone. “Katniss, I know none of this is my business, but if you want to talk . . .” “Thank you, but talking is what’s got me into trouble.  I’ve made the worst mess of things.  I – I don’t . . .”  And that’s all I get out before bursting into tears.   The next thing I know I’m in Marcus’s arms, sobbing against his chest. He holds me close and says soothing words.  And I stay there, cradled against him, until I am spent.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTES: Sorry to the Gelphie shippers for these Dozma chapters. I haven't forgotten you! You'll see! 

And of course, sorry for taking so long between updates. Boring IRL things distracting me - one of which being Camp NaNoWriMo last month. The upside is, you're about to get not one, but two new fanfics from me soon! so hopefully that makes up for me dragging my feet on getting this one posted.

Of course, within the hour, it was time to hold court. Glinda had hastily explained the developments to Elphaba, who remained with Dorothy to help monitor the recent immigrant. Then she bolted up to Ozma's chambers to investigate the current situation.

"No, tighter, Jellia," Ozma was urging her as the servant tried to cinch her dress closed. Never in a demanding, condescending tone; that just wasn't how Ozma treated other people, regardless of station. But she did sound more anxious than usual. "Sorry, I know, it's as tight as it goes, but… I need to look my very best! So we can't do anything halfway today!"

"Your Highness?"

"What? Oh… hello, Glinda." She looked a little cowed when she saw the disapproving frown on Glinda's face, and glanced down at her pristine white heeled boots. "Jellia, that's fine; thank you."

"Quite welcome, Majesty," Jellia said with a bow of her green head before she retreated, having enough sense to be able to tell Glinda wanted to talk to her alone.

"Are you alright?"

Laughing weakly, she turned to her full-length mirror and observed the effect. "I'll have to be, won't I? The court awaits."

"Ozzie…" When she didn't answer again, she bit her lip as she thought for a moment. Then she asked, "Do you like wearing these get-ups? You could probably pass a law. 'No queen shall wear anything but old trousers and pointed caps during royal ceremonies' or something."

That did earn a little more of an earnest chuckle. "Honestly?"

"Sure. I like honesty."

"So do I." Swishing the skirts around, she smiled vaguely. "I thought I might feel more comfortable in those old clothes. And I did, in a way… but not as much as I thought. They don't fit me anymore."

"Well, we know why that is," Glinda joked as she gave a light tap on Ozma's behind that made her squeak in surprise. They both giggled. "Not that I'm saying it's that big, of course."

"Of course. Just… no, I didn't mean only that the actual size is wrong. They don't suit me anymore. I think I might like to wear… suits tailored to my new shape sometimes, because they are more comfortable than these highly regal gowns. But that doesn't mean I don't like wearing these."

Glinda tilted her head a little again. "Can you clear that up a little for me? I'm not saying you're wrong, just that I'm not following your chain of thoughts quiiiite yet."

Ozma paused, truly pondering her words. She turned so that Glinda could really take a look at her. What a breathtaking beauty she had become! Quite youthful, but serene, her perfect auburn ringlets framing her cheeks and slender neck and supporting the silver circlet as if it had been made to rest there. Sunkissed skin, no longer as tan as when they had first met her but still not as pale as that of a spoiled princess, gleamed from above the neckline that began the concealment of the rest of her form in puffs of white fabric and sparkling green ribbons. Truly a regal presence, and one that was a joy to behold, unlike the frightened respect that the Wizard had demanded via use of his puppets. This was definitely an improvement.

"I love feeling this pretty. It's something that was deep inside of me that I didn't even know was there until you helped reveal it. But sometimes, I still feel like… I don't deserve it, or I'm not really a girl because I grew up as a boy. Which I know isn't true! This really is who I am, I believe that with my heart and soul. But the doubts come back and I can never seem to make them completely go away. So that's… that's what I meant."

Smiling gently, Glinda reached up to cup either side of Ozma's sweet face. "Oh, little angel Ozzie… it must be tough, having to always 'be the princess' in front of the whole Emerald City when it's such a new thing for you."

"Yeah. That part doesn't help; the… public part."

"But you're doing a great job. And you know all you have to do is ask Jellia to make you a few suits for casual afternoons, working in the garden with Jack, or just days when you aren't feeling quite up to the frills and frippery. She'd be happy to! You're the one in charge, so do what you want. We'll all support you."

Ozma nodded. "Thank you, Glinda. I don't know what I'd do without the coven around."

"Council," she corrected, and they both snickered. "Also, if you ever want to take a little vacation, we could probably arrange for that. Get away from the responsibilities of queendom for a week or so."

"I'd like that. As long as you and Elphie and Nessa came along."

"And Dorothy?"

Sighing, she turned back to the mirror, regarding it with a frown this time. "Do you think… she'll hate me for this? I thought easing her into the idea by turning up as Tip was a better plan, but now I feel… stupid."

"Only one way to find out." She didn't want to comment on whether or not the plan was stupid; privately, she thought it was, but she also fully appreciated why Ozma tried it in the first place. Being honest with Elphaba about her own feelings had been one of the most difficult choices she'd ever made, and she had been terrified of rejection. It was probably much the same for her forlorn Ruler.

"That's true. Do I look alright?"

With bald honesty, she whispered, "You look perfect." Then she leaned in to kiss both her cheeks and boop her on the nose with her index finger, earning a slight giggle. "And cute! Now go out there and face the music; your people await."

                                ~ o ~

So Ozma did just that. Glinda quickly took her place with Elphaba in the bench on the righthand side of Ozma's seat of power; Nessarose was on the other side, and there was room for further seats on each side, though the chairs were not present. The idea had been to allow for space for a larger Council, should the need ever arise, but so far it had not. When visiting the Emerald City, Fiyero would sometimes take a seat next to Nessa, as an honorary Councilman.

Glinda kept her eyes focused on Dorothy as Ozma entered, glancing back to make sure she could monitor how the princess was doing now and then. The girl had snagged herself a spot very near the front of the crowd, wanting her first glimpse of this regal being to be a good one.

"Hail to the Queen Ozma!" Jellia announced.

The crowd, appropriately, responded with "Hail!" and then burst into cheers and clapping. In the first few days of her reign, Jellia and the Council had tried to discourage them from causing so much commotion, but right away Ozma had told them to let the people celebrate if they wanted to. As Ozma sat, Glinda saw that Dorothy was clapping along with everyone else. Her brow was creased a little in very mild confusion, but she was otherwise as pleased as everyone else.

"Thank you all," Ozma said. Even though she was nervous, it barely showed; despite being a very young and inexperienced ruler, the ability to act "professional" in front of her subjects was something that came naturally to her. "Today, we will be hearing reports from outlying cities of the Land of Oz. If you have a grievance or report from within the Emerald City outer walls, or the cities nearest the walls in Gillikin, Munchkinland, Vinkus, or the Quadling Country, please refrain and hold your remarks for another date, wherein we will be welcoming them from your areas."

As she spoke, Dorothy's face began to come over with pure shock. To be fair, she did not make a scene, but it was readily apparent to her old friends that she had figured out Ozma and Tip were the same person without needing any explanation. Clever as she was, that came as no surprise.

"Well, there goes the neighbourhood," Elphaba muttered into her ear.

"Shh, Elphie." Still, she had a hard time disagreeing. A quick glance at Ozma showed that she wasn't paying Dorothy any attention. Purposefully. That was very like her to do, making sure that her focus remained on the matters at hand and to worry about personal issues later.

One by one, the reports were received. A band of thieves was trying to interrupt emerald mining in the Glikkus. Some city in the south of the Vinkus was in dire need of fresh water, for their well had run dry. The Quadlings wanted fairer trades for their wares. Most of these matters were settled in short order, though there was occasionally some debate needed to resolve the problem to the satisfaction of all parties involved. At the end of the day, however, the people remained as thrilled with their new ruler as before.

However, just when they were wrapping things up and the crowd started to stir and get ready to leave, Ozma called out, "One final matter for the day." After some brief murmurs, she added, "Dorothy Gale of Kansas."

A hush fell over everyone else. Slowly, Dorothy first pointed at herself, and then awkwardly pushed to her feet.

"Welcome to Oz. Myself and the Council wish to make it known to all here that you are forevermore Princess Dorothy of Oz, and should be afforded all the rights and respect that this title offers." There was only the briefest of hesitations before she went on, "And you may take a position of authority over any of the countries in Oz if you so choose, or decline such, and reside wherever you wish. For the services you have rendered us, we remain in your debt."

Glinda's heart sank. She was offering Dorothy a way out. Now that she knew Tip was Ozma and there was a possibility things might be awkward between them, she wanted Dorothy to know that she would not be required to continue living in the palace if she wasn't comfortable with the idea. It was a magnanimous gesture, but also could sound like she was sending her away.

But while the crowd was applauding the brief speech, all Dorothy could do was look stunned. When the clapping died down, and she noticed everyone was looking at her, she managed an ungainly little curtsy, then announced, "Th-thank you… Your Majesty." It seemed to be all she could come up with.

"Thank you," Ozma countered. Then she hastily said, "This concludes today's audience," and turned to step down briskly from the seat and leave the audience hall.

Immediately, the rest of the council followed her, but Glinda thought her efforts were best applied elsewhere. She whispered to Elphaba, "Tell Ozzie I thought she was very brave," then slipped down into the rest of the crowd to seek out Dorothy.

She had to chase her down. By the time she got to the audience seating, Dorothy was already out in the hall, so she had to push through the throng until she caught up with the dazed girl, leaning against the wall a little further down.

"Hey," she said in an imitation of her usual cheery voice. "Doing alright?"

"What? Oh… oh, yes, Miss Glinda, of course," she laughed — and it was a bit manic. "Why shouldn't I be? I'm… I'm a princess now! A-and so is…"

When no finish came to the sentence, Glinda provided one. "So is Tip."

"I guess so."

"Are you… really alright? Honest-to-Oz?"

"Sure! I mean, why shouldn't I be? Girl like me from nowhere, gettin' to meet a real live princess, a-and then become one? It's like a dream come true! I'm… I'm just over the rainbow about it!" But when Glinda only frowned, Dorothy turned away. "A-and she looked very nice up there, in that… dress, and the pretty crown…"

"Dorothy-"

"You know, maybe I will go and visit Scarecrow after all. See how he's doin'. A-and then I can come back and… and figure out what to do with myself. Can't just sit around bein' a big nuisance all the time! Aunt Em always said…"

But she didn't finish that thought; bringing up her aunt only took away her false joy. Glinda placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Dorothy… come on, you don't have to act brave if you don't feel brave. I'm your friend."

"I… I know. And you tried to tell me somethin' yesterday, but…" Her shoulders shrugged, taut and full of tension. "I wasn't listenin' properly. Thing is, I ain't wired like you and Miss Elphaba, so… I don't know. I need to clear my head, but after that, maybe… I can find a way to…"

She drew her in for a tight hug, and Dorothy only put up a fight for the first few seconds before she melted into it, shivering. Not crying, but clearly struggling to suppress some reaction. Whether that be sadness or anger, or something else, Glinda couldn't quite say. But she held on for some time. Eventually, the shivering petered out, and she took a deep, bracing breath.

"I'm alright now," she said with a false brightness, drawing back to beam up at Glinda. "Thanks."

"You are not. But… I'm glad you're better. Do you want to go and have lunch? We could take it somewhere… somewhere else."

Dorothy could definitely tell that Glinda was carefully not saying "somewhere without Ozma." It was written all over her face. After a moment, she nodded. "If you're sure it's alright? I mean, Miss Elphaba-"

"-Will survive one meal without me," she laughed, taking Dorothy's hand and patting it gently as she led her off to find another hall in which to dine. There were plenty in the Palace.

                                ~ o ~

Dorothy did set off for Kiamo Ko the next morning. As she had told them, even without "other things" being a factor, she still wanted to reunite with her old friend, and to see whether or not Boq was adjusting to life now that he was no longer carrying around so much rage and murder in his heart. After all, he had been nothing but good to Dorothy, so there was no pretending he was wicked through and through. Maybe the new lease on life would be enough to set right what had been darkened within him.

Ozma was distraught by this news, of course, but Glinda tried to reassure her that it was a temporary absence. If Dorothy came back and decided she was moving away, they could fret over it then, but for now there was no use worrying.

So they turned their focus to other matters. Tending the queendom, as was always pressing. Elphaba was still perfecting some new spells to make all their lives easier, and Nessa trying to change certain outdated laws in the hopes that governance would run more smoothly. Glinda busied herself consoling Ozma and meeting with members of Emerald City nobility when Ozma wasn't feeling up to it. Though they missed the girl who formerly wore the Golden Shoes, there was no shortage of distractions.

Finally, on the third night after she had gone, Glinda walked in to find Ozma was again wearing the Tip costume. Rolling her eyes, she came and sat next to her on the bench in front of her vanity.

"That's not going to fix anything."

A moment or two passed as Ozma stared forlornly at her reflection. Then she said, "Mombi was able to curse me once. What if… we found that spell in her books and did it again?"

"Then we would be robbing Oz of its rightful heir."

"I could still be a prince as easily as I could be a princess."

"Is that who you believe you truly are?"

"NO!" she burst out, slumping down so that her head thunked against the lip of the vanity. "But I… I can't stand the thought of… of being this way, only to have…"

Sliding an arm around her, she whispered, "Listen. I know this is hard; I know you want to do something about it. Really, we've all found ourselves in a situation where… what we want is so hard to get our hands on, and it's tempting to change something about yourself that's really important to get it. Like… me with Fiyero."

"Fiyero? What about him?"

"Both Elphie and I were in love with him once. Or we thought we were," she added in a mutter. "But he obviously cared more for Elphie than for me, after the initial charm of my good looks wore off." More as a force of habit, she fluffed her golden girls with one hand.

"I see," Ozma snorted.

"So I tried being a little more altruistical. A little more… giving, and kind, and thoughtful of others. Not because it's the right thing to do, which is more how I do things now, but because… I thought it would make him like me better. And it didn't; he's admitted to us now that he was a lot more interested in Elphaba for being… well, genuine, I guess."

For a moment, Ozma simply nodded. Then she pulled at her long, perfectly-coiffed hair and growled, "I feel so stupid, though! Dorothy is… is perfectly entitled not to feel the same way now that she knows I'm a woman. I keep telling myself that! What's wrong with me?!"

"Whoa, whoa! Alright, you're way too tensed up. Come over here now. No, no, come here."

Glinda led a very pouty Ozma away from the bench to two chairs arranged around a small table. The usual purpose for these chairs was for her to take tea with one of the Councilwomen, if and when they needed them — though usually, the small dining room was used. She pushed Ozma into one and then sat across from her.

"Here." At first, when she pulled one of the princess's old "boy shoes" off, Ozma rolled her eyes, but the minute she began to knead into her stocking foot with her thumbs, the annoyance and uncertainty vanished. "There now. Relax."

"Ahh…" A few seconds passed as Ozma did her best to resent melting at the pleasant sensation. "Alright, I get it, Glinda. You're right. I'm… worrying about this… too much. You don't have to…" A little sigh. "Keep going…"

"Was that 'You don't have to keep going', or 'You don't have to,' and then you changed your mind and asked me to keep going?"

Chuckling just a little, Ozma favoured her with a grateful smile. "Was supposed to be the first one. But thank you. I don't know why you keep doing things like this for me yourself when I'm sure we could get the royal masseuse. If we have one of those."

"Not yet, but we should!" They both laughed. "But I don't mind. Honestly… it might sound a little odd, but I like having you around to take care of. Maybe it's my motherly instincts having nowhere to go, especially since I like taking care of Elphaba but she's even more self-sufficient than the two of us put together."

More laughter, and this time Ozma reclined a little, letting Glinda finish the job and move on to the other foot. "So I'm your surrogate child? That seems a little funny when we're technically the same age. I just haven't known I was a princess so I have to relearn everything as I go along."

"Ah, but you lost those early years, so I'm older now," she teased, wiggling her toes through the stocking fabric. For that, Ozma picked up a napkin lying on the table and attempted to throw it at her, and it fluttered to the floor uselessly. "Wow, you really have fully transitioned into being a spoiled royal girl."

"That wasn't a serious throw. You and I both know I could pick up this teaspoon and chuck it hard enough to split your nose." That made Glinda laugh so hard she snorted like a pig, and Ozma really lost it then, pulling both legs back so she could double up and wrap her arms around her sides, tittering until breathless. "OH! Oh, Glinda, that's t-too much!"

Wiping her eyes as she laughed along with her, Glinda Upland regarded the sweet princess in her old, worn-out clothing, briefly broken from her dark mood. She did deserve to be happy. If Dorothy would make her happy, and she would make Dorothy happy, it was really quite pathetic for any other factors to get in the way. So she realised that she had two immediate goals. First, to determine whether or not Dorothy's feelings for the illusion that was Tip had been infatuation, or the elusive "true love" that some spent their entire lives searching for. And second… to figure out how to get them fixed up together.

                                ~ o ~

"Hello, everyone!" Dorothy cried out as she skipped in through the dining hall doors, eyes full of unshed tears. It had only been a week, give or take a day, but she still acted as if she had been gone for another dozen years.

And the Formerly-Wicked Witches reacted as if she had, as well. They all forsook their dinners to stand and envelop her in a crushing embrace, petting over her hair and laughing gaily as they welcomed her home. Dorothy squirmed and giggled freely, cheeks bunched with the force of her happiness. Even Jellia couldn't suppress a smile, despite her typically detached and professional demeanor.

Once the initial joy wore off, they turned as one to Ozma, who had at least stood to approach them but was hanging back, uncertain.

"Get in here," Glinda urged her through her toothy smile.

"N-no, I'd… better not," she said with a slight flush to her cheeks.

"It's alright!" Dorothy insisted, then covered her mouth with a shy fist once she had heard herself speak. Clearly, she hadn't meant to do so that suddenly. "I m-mean… I've missed you, too, Tip!"

"Ozma," Nessa corrected in a whisper.

"Ozma! R-right! Princess Ozma, y-your Majesty!" She did a curtsy, and her elbow connected with Elphaba's ribs. "Oh, s-sorry, I'm… awful clumsy sometimes!"

Before anyone else could try, Ozma was there to help steady her. Their hands remained in each other's as she gazed across into her eyes, smiling gently. "I'm… so happy to see you again."

"Oh? Happy?" Dorothy seemed to fixate on that. If Glinda were to hazard a guess, it was because there were two very different potencies of "happy" that the Ruler could be.

"Very happy. But, um… I believe I'm weary just now. I'll retire to my chambers and let you all catch up." Reluctantly, she slid her hands out from beneath Dorothy's and took a step backward. "Perhaps I'll see you tomorrow?" Dorothy nodded. Without any further comment, Ozma curtsied and left the dining hall at a quick pace.

And then they were left to look at each other. After a moment, Elphaba said, "So Glinda explained things to us. Which you can't be surprised about, but I'm sorry if you feel your trust is betrayed."

"Not really," Dorothy said with a little shy smile. "But gosh… I didn't think she'd look so… I dunno. Hurt, I guess? She looked hurt, and I didn't mean for her to be."

"You didn't hurt her," Nessa said in a reasonable tone, patting her on the shoulder. "And of course you didn't mean to. But… I think she had an unrealistic expectation that you didn't meet. Knowing it was unrealistic didn't make it go away."

Though she looked as if she already knew the answer, she squirmed and asked, "What 'spectation is that?"

"That Tip turning out to be Ozma wouldn't matter," Elphaba sighed. "What a silly thing to assume."

"Not silly," Glinda hissed at her roomie, who rolled her eyes toward the chandelier above them. "But yes, that's what she was hoping. You would see she was a princess in disguise, say 'oh my goodness!' and then move on from that. And when you didn't, even though your reaction was quite understandable…"

"I made her sad." All three of them nodded, and Dorothy walked over to the table and plopped down. "Well… I've been thinking on that a lot."

"And?"

"And… I ain't the kind to think a whole lot. But it seems to me that… that I should start over. Get to be friends with Ozma, like I did with you three."

Elphaba's smirk was nearly criminal. "You're going to throw water on her?"

"Hush up," she giggled, and they all shared a relieved look. It was torturous seeing Dorothy as anything less than happy. At least her drawn appearance was slowly beginning to even out; she'd been packed off with plenty of bread and cheese and cakes when she left, and had probably been richly served in the Vinkus, as well. Not quite the plump girl she had been when they all first met, but certainly healthier.

After a moment, they returned to their seats and called for some bread and jam for Dorothy, and they listened to her tales of her travels. As it turned out, they did run into a few interesting characters along the way, including a cat made of glass and a boy as bright as a button, but more or less her journey was blessedly free of complications. Fiyero had been a wonderful host. Alas, Boq was a little odd and distant, but at least he had been pleasant and spent no time complaining about former matters. After a couple of days, she felt she had reminisced long enough and started making her way back.

Which led them to ask her about Ozma. At first, she tried to ask them about the goings on within the Emerald City to distract them from the topic, but that didn't work for more than a pair of minutes.

"Alright, alright. Like I said, I want to start over. Because… I think I let Tip bein' a boy go to my head, and got wrong ideas. Maybe led him on? Well… not on purpose, but I think I did, anyway. If I'd known he was a she, I mighta been able to just… be friends! Like two normal people! Don't know why I acted so silly around him, I've never acted like that around boys before…"

Nessa smiled a knowing smile. "You grew up, Dorothy. I mean, you're still fairly wide-eyed, but you're an adult woman now. Really, I'm surprised you never chased any boys before now."

That earned her a disapproving gasp from the Kansas girl. "Oh, I couldn't! Chase a boy? Me? No, no, that's not how a lady behaves! Aunt Em told me…" She came over melancholy again, but pushed through it more effectively this time. "Well, that it ain't proper for a girl to chase after a boy; the boy is s'posed to do the courtin', and the lady waits for him, and…" Her voice faded with uncertainty.

"That may be how they do it in Kansas," Glinda conceded with her arms folded over her chest, "but sure as heck not how we do things in Oz. You like somebody, you tell them; simple as that."

Of course, she wanted to say more. She wanted to point out to Dorothy that she and Ozma had already kissed, whether the poor girl and her strangely restrictive views about romance wanted to remember the event or not. But it was painfully clear to her that Dorothy needed to take a step away from that aspect of their relationship for some reason or another. It seemed to mostly be because of Ozma being a woman now, but she wondered if it wasn't also because of how young and inexperienced she was. After all, from their many conversations, all she ever heard about from Dorothy was about the farm, the farm, and in rare moments of great variety, the farm. The girl was the furthest thing from Ozmopolitan one could be.

"This is stupid," Elphaba finally sighed. "Just talk to her. You have to start there, or you won't get anywhere."

"Exactly," Dorothy sighed.

"No, I meant right now."

"Huh? Oh… n-no, I don't wanna bother her! She said she had to lie a spell…" At their staring, she dipped her head a little. "D-do you think if I came to breakfast, a-and tried to act like everything's peaches 'n' cream, that… th-that it'd be alright?"

Feeling bad that they were pushing her so much, Glinda rested a hand on her shoulder. "Of course. And if you're not feeling up to it in the morning, that's alright, too! We just wanted you to know that Ozzie's going to be happy to see you if you do pop in, and not upset. Alright?"

Elphaba looked like she had a lot more to say on the topic. However, she merely let Dorothy nod, and Jellia hastened to make sure her things were taken up to her rooms in the palace. But hoping that would be the end of it was something Glinda wasn't nearly foolish enough to try.

                                ~ o ~

"You really think we're doing the right thing?"

Glinda's head lolled over to glance at the nude form in the bedsheets to one side of herself. Not that Elphaba was much for putting her body on display; something she understood too well herself. Still, that insatiable part of her heart wanted to see as much as possible every waking moment.

"Of course, Elphie. Ozma's no older than us, and has had to do a lot of growing up as a woman in only a few months. And Dorothy's… Dorothy."

Nodding, she turned her green eyes toward the light streaming in through the green-tinted windows. They had both been meaning to commission someone to fashion them clear panes, so that the natural colouring of the rooms could be enjoyed — at least in the private rooms within the Royal Palace. They could stand on tradition in the public audience chambers like the throne room.

"This whole thing is stupid." Her hand fell to find Glinda's and wrap around it. "They're only resisting nature's pull because Dorothy's worried about pointless gender issues, and Ozma's worried about Dorothy."

"I know."

"Then we ought to do something about it."

"Like what?" she giggled, rolling over to curl her body around that of her lover. Silky skin against her own made her stomach flutter, but it was a flutter she had grown used to. Not in a way that removed its thrill, but she no longer panicked and tried to run from the room.

And she saw Elphaba flinch. That was happening fairly often, ever since she got back from Kansas. She knew the reasons by now because they tried to be open and honest with each other about everything, but it still hurt to know Elphaba had her comfort levels with that variety of touching shaken by something that should never have occurred. Little by little, she was going to erase that discomfort. Even if it took the rest of their lives.

"Like… shove them into a closet and tell them they can't come back out until they kiss." Her further giggling made Elphaba crack a smile, and she rolled her eyes as she admitted, "Alright, alright. I know it's supposed to be none of our business."

"I think forcing two people to kiss isn't exactly the best way to cause 'love' to brew, Elphie."

"You're right, of course."

"But… I understand." Her lips pushed into Elphaba's neck, earning a sigh that caressed through her own golden waves of hair, down across her bare shoulder. That was better; she was relaxing, welcoming the reassuring touches. "Ozma's never been this worried about anything in all the time since she first took the throne. Once she was sure she wasn't going to be thrown out of the palace, I mean. Probably because…"

"Because?"

"Well, you saw how Tip looked at her."

"I saw how they looked at each other," Elphaba murmured, and Glinda snickered. "Like you used to look at Fiyero, and Fiyero used to look at me."

"You weren't supposed to look at Fiyero looking at you while I looked at him," she teased.

A dark chuckle floated out of her. The kind that set her skin ablaze, her heart to racing. "Where's that rule written down?"

"The Grimmerie. It's somewhere in the back, you haven't made it that far in yet."

"Oh I haven't made it! The only one of us who's read the entirety of the book!" They both laughed, and Elphaba rolled to embrace Glinda back, smiling through her mirth. "Ohhh… you're such a nuisance."

Glinda's cheeks glowed. "You only call me a nuisance when you mean to say 'I love you'."

"You say it enough for both of us." Still, gruff as she was, Elphaba wasn't too good to follow through once in awhile. So she kissed Glinda very gently, softly, and whispered, "I love you, Glinny."

"Gosh…"

"You don't have to act like it's a surprise every time."

"What if it is? Every time you say it, I'm shocked that I get to hear it from your lips. That it's meant for me."

A green hand drifted up and perched on her glowing cheek, thumb tracing its way gently up and down along the skin as she gazed across at her, raven hair spilling out over the pillow in the most artful of ways and making Glinda want to reach past and slide her fingers through it. But for now, she was content to perch hers on Elphaba's ribcage.

"You shouldn't be. Winsome girls with golden curls are the ones who always find love. It's me who's lucky; I'm-"

"Just as beautiful," she cut her off, knowing what would come next. The self-deprecation, the eye so critical that it would tear her own appearance to shreds at any given opportunity. "Moreso for being unique; cute blondes are a dime a dozen in Gillikin."

"If I could have a dozen of you for a dime… my purse would be empty."

Lines like that always worked on Glinda. She had figured they would wear off once they settled into a relationship such as the one they were now enjoying, but every last time, Elphaba could make her feel sixteen again. Tittering and burying her face in Elphaba's shoulder, she heard her chuckle and felt strong arms wrapping around her back, holding her close. Caressing every inch they could reach. Lips pressed into the crown of her head before they whispered again.

"You make my heart leap, Glinda. Every day we're together."

She pulled back to lean up and take her lips, unable to hold back for another second. There was no reason to, and she couldn't have if there were. Elphaba's response was not as enthusiastic, but that wasn't her way; she was patient, she was earnest. But that in no way meant she wasn't passionate; it was just a different passion than her own. And that was what made them work.

A few minutes later, when Glinda raised her thigh a little higher to slide between another pair, Elphaba shivered and drew back. The thighs were the worst of the zones; she always flinched from that. But now, the reactions were equally alarmed and excited. It was progress.

"Again, so soon? You normally don't try for twice in a night."

"Can't get enough of your…" Glinda's cheeks flushed. Neither of them were very good at talking about this topic in detail, even after months of trying. "Your rose and your pearl."

That got Elphaba to push her hand into Glinda's face, cackling and rolling away as if she were completely through with her. But when Glinda reached past her hip and resumed their play, she certainly didn't fight her off a second time.

                                 To Be Continued…

[littleevilisa]

LIP March Madness: Introduction of Human Emotions in a Virtual System

Summary: There are some thing you should not mess with. Katniss should have known that before stepping inside the Dreamatorium. Now she has to run through its simulations to find her friend Beetee before he’s lost forever. Sort of. Based on Community season 3 episode 16 “Virtual Systems Analysis”.

Rated: T

A huge thank to @titaniasfics for betaing, and to the ladies at @loveinpanem for hosting this round.

I don’t own THG nor Community

The battle rages all around her. She sees the Men in White fall by the dozen, but the gray uniforms of the rebels lay on the ground, too, marred with blood and dirt.

The epic music swells in a crescendo of brass and percussion.

She uses her bow to block the shotgun-axe of a soldier, then punches him in the guts and stabs him in a soft spot of his neck with her combat knife.

The Crafter is at her side, wielding his powerful plasma spear with purpose. They need to open a path through the battlefield to get to the Reasoner and the Hunter, who have almost reached the President’s camp, leading the assault.

She arms her bow with incendiary arrows, the ones with the yellow tips. She lets them fly in one breath, one fluid motion.

feeew feeew feeew twack twack twack

The soldiers hit by the arrows fall to the ground in silence, dead. She hears the wilhelm screams of those around them, caught in the fire caused by her deadly weapon.

She jumps on top of a big rock to incite their men, raising her bow over her head as if she's holding the flag of their nation.

“People of Panem!” she screams. “We fight, we dare, we end our hunger for justice!”

“Dreamatorium, stop simulation Battle of the Tree Island.”

I huff, stepping off the pile of dirty laundry we’ve been using as the rock. “It’s the fifth time, Beetee. What did I do wrong now?”

Beetee props his broomstick against the green and orange wall of the Dreamatorium, the room that Gale and he use to play out their imaginary games. Or, as they like to call it, render imaginated dreamscapes. “You keep saying the line with the wrong tone, Katniss. Too fast. And you put stress on the wrong word. It should be on justice, not hunger.”

I roll my eyes. “It’s the same. We’re just playing, it’s not like we’re shooting a scene.”

He looks at me blankly for a full six seconds. That is his reprimanding face. “I think I’ve asked too much of you when I gave you the role of the Mockingjay.” he says in his mechanical tone. “You have the right physical appearance and temperament, but you’re not much of an actor.”

I’m regretting deciding that it would be a good idea to get into the Dreamatorium with Beetee - or D13, as he likes to call the room because it underwent a series of updates after its first inauguration. The adorable nerd all movie quotes and obsession of being inside a TV show is actually a giant bossy jerk. Figures this is what I get for deciding to play wingman for Gale.

This morning Dean Trinket, wearing one of her flamboyant outfits, half man and half woman, because she was bearing good news and bad news, announced that the exam the study group have been trying to cram for at the last minute was postponed. Everybody had immediately jumped at the occasion and took a three hour lunch break. Haymitch was going to see the first half of three different movies. Annie wanted to go with her husband Finnick to a fancy fast food across town. Peeta didn’t tell us what he was going to do, probably sleep in his Lexus. And Beetee was calculating that, without eating, Gale and he could make-believe a whole episode’s worth of The Mockingjay. But I had seen the looks Gale had been sending in Johanna’s direction lately, and decided last minute that I could play with Beetee in the Dreamatorium.

So I got stuck playing the protagonist of Beetee’s favorite TV show, about a young woman leading a rebellion against the cruel dictator that had been enslaving her country. While Gale and Johanna are enjoying lunch at Sae’s Diner, where Beetee would never eat because one of the waiter said he hated Die Hard.

“Beetee, can't we play something that I know about?” I ask. “Like, nature conservation?”

Once again Beetee looks at me with his blank face, but this time I recognize the undertone of judgment.

“You're mad at me for helping Gale out with Johanna?” I ask incredulously as I take off the elastic headband I've been using as the Mockingjay's head piece. “You think you're gonna lose Gale.” The two have been best friends since day one of the study group, and basically inseparable since they moved in together at the beginning of the year. Not even the fact that I moved in the same apartment a couple of months ago could change this dynamic.

“I'm not petty, Katniss.” he answers condescendingly. “I'm mad at you because you tampered with the fabric of the group. How do you know that Gale and Johanna pairing up won't destroy everything? I run every possible scenario while studying this stuff.”

I scoff. “So you can do that, but I can't? You shouldn't be such a control freak.”

He nods. “I kind of have to.” He glances around us. “You think this is just a room where Gale and I play dinosaurs versus riverboat gamblers together. Sure, it's how I got the construction approved, but, much like myself, the Dreamatorium has higher functions.” He walks towards a cardboard on the wall with buttons and levers drawn on it. “Would you like me to show you how your stunt with Gale and Johanna will play out?”

I gesture to him to do as he pleases.

He puts his finger on a big red button with push written on it and says, “Dreamatorium, execute simulation Gale/Johanna. Render environment Sae's Diner.” He pulls a fake lever and pushes a couple of random fake buttons. Then he moves to the center of the room and crouches as if he is sitting on a chair.

Beetee imitates Gale's voice and usual demeanor. “Those appetizer were dope and legit!” Then he switches position and pretends to be Johanna. “I don't usually support lunch because it's unfair to breakfast.” He gets back to be Gale. “I've never thought about meals fighting each other.” he says in wonderment.

As I watch him talk, the room around us morphs into a rendition of the diner's interior, while Beetee actually turns into Gale.

“I guess this is why you never see any two of them on the same table,” he says.

Beetee's orange outline runs from Gale to Johanna. “So I guess Katniss would really like us together.”

Back to Gale. “She probably doesn't understand people. I don't know why she thought I might be romantically interested in you.” He shrugs.

Back to Johanna. “Well, the sooner the food comes, the sooner this will be over.”

The waiter arrives to their table, and Beetee jumps inside him. “I'm afraid your food won't be ready for another half hour. I'm too busy misunderstanding the whole point of Die Hard.”

Back to Gale. He looks longingly in the distance. “I can't wait to get home to Beetee.”

I need to interrupt this stupid game. “So what? You can dart back and forth doing impressions of our friends. There's no science at work here.”

The simulation gradually disappears. Beetee stands up, back at being himself. “You're right.” he says. “The science is at work in here.” He walks to a little walk-in closet and opens it. Inside there are carton tubes attached to each other with duct tape. “This is the Dreamatorium's engine. My thoughts are collected in this box.” He points a green box with his name written on it. “What I know about my friends is stored here.” Another box saying other people. “Both are distilled by logic and then recombines into objective observation. I'm able to simulate any of the study group and even a half accurate Cray in over seven thousand unique situations.”

“Beetee, it's cardboard and a funnel.” I point out.

“You see it that way because it's calibrated to a specific level of brain function.”

I'm offended. “Oh, right. I'm stupid.”

“Not stupid.” Beetee says. “Just less able to see what I see.

This statement doesn't calm me. It actually has the opposite effect. “You've got it all figured out, huh?”

My phone beeping with an incoming call distracts me from the tirade I was about to spit out. I leave the room.

It's Gale. Checking on Beetee, making sure he's okay. Asking me to make sure his bestie is comfortable because he worries about him when he is not around.

I'm incredibly annoyed.”He's fine! He'll always be!” I almost shout. “He just implied that I work on a lower brain function, so business as usual. I don't understand why people bend over backwards to take care of him.”

“He's just extra sensitive in the Dreamatorium.” Gale defends him. “It takes a lot out of him to run that thing. I don't want you to break his brain.”

I roll my eyes. “Bye, Gale.” I say, and hang up.

I barge back in.

Beetee is intent on something in the engine/tube construction. “I've been thinking about our Mockingjay scenario. Perhaps it would be better if you played the Clone Maiden. She was in two scene and only had three lines.”

I look at him with squinted eyes. “I have a better idea.” I march to the thing. “Your scenarios would be a lot more realistic if you'd take all your thoughts and logic and add one step to the process.”

He watches me closely as I take the other people box. “What are you doing?” he asks me with a mix of confusion and alarm.

“From now on, before you do or say anything, you're gonna think about how it affects the people around you. We lower functioning brain call it empathy.” As I talk I switch the box in my hand with the Beetee one, that I put where the other was.

Beetee suddenly starts letting out a high pitched whimper.

I look at him, alarmed. “Beetee?”

The whimper turns into a scream as Beetee start hitting the side of his head. Then, as suddenly as he began, he stops and falls to the ground, completely still.

Fuck. Did I just break Beetee?

I run to his side, shaking him and calling his name. “Do you remember when you wanted me to tell you when you were scary weird instead of cute weird?” I tell him. “'Cause this is scary weird.”

He blinks twice, then looks at me in confusion. “Katniss?”

I sigh in relief and help him stand up.

“Hello, Katniss.” Okay, this tone doesn't sound at all like Beetee's. This is not good. “What was I doing on the floor? Were we... doing it?” He gives me a devilishly handsome smirk.

“Are you being Peeta, now?” I ask him.

As soon as the question is out, Beetee morphs into Peeta, broad shoulders, blond curls, and all. “Well, I'm not being a Kardashian,” he jokes.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. I didn't break him. I just caused one of his usual breakdown. “Where are we now?” I ask, annoyed.

“We're in the rangers' lounge of Greenmeadow National Park.” Beetee/Peeta says as his clothes change to a ranger uniform and the Dreamatorium becomes a wooden cabin. I'm back in my Mockingjay outfit instead of the black jumpsuit I used as her uniform.

“A national park?”

He nods. “It's a sexy emotional park where rangers save nature and make love, often simultaneously. Our stories, ripped from the headlines. Our passion, unbridled. Our coffee...” he says, looking at the coffee maker in a corner of the room, “eh.” He dramatically turns to me, getting so close to me that our bodies are only a few millimeters from each other. “Make love to me, Kat.” He cups my face in both his hands and I have to restrain myself not to melt into his sudden touch. “I know I'm just a ranger and you're a hotshot park manager. But damn the rules, damn the system, damn our completely incompatible body types. I want you.”

I shake myself out of the spell Peeta's closeness and words cast on me. I need to remember this is not Peeta, but Beetee playing him.

I push away his hands. “I get it, Beetee. We have different sensibilities.” I turn around and walk away. I don't want to spend another second with him.

I'm in the living room, halfway to my bedroom, when I stop dead in my tracks. Beetee is not following me, as he usually would do when someone leaves the Dreamatorium before the simulation's over. I don't even hear a sound coming from the room.

It's not a good sign.

I huff and walk back in the rangers' lounge.

Peeta is still here, still looking at me with his passionate gaze.

I sigh. This man child is really getting on my nerves. “Okay, ranger Peeta. Do you know where I can find Beetee? I owe him an apology.”

Peeta's brow furrows as he shakes his head. “Beetee? Never heard of him.”

I roll my eyes. Awesome. Let's see if playing along can help. I square my shoulders and raise my chin, commanding. “I asked you a question, officer.”

“I'm a ranger!” Peeta shouts.

“And I'm your manager!”

“I left my wife for you and she was pregnant!”

I squint my eyes at him. “Who you think paid the doctor who inseminated her?”

The 'horrible' realization makes Peeta take a step back, in shock.

“Now tell me what I want to know or God as my witness, I'll have your badge.” I say in a demanding tone.

“Fine.” he barks. “Dr. Mason might know. Dreamatorium, render environment bio lab.”

An orange electric blur crosses the room, and the wooden cabin turns into an high-tech lab.

“Look,” Peeta says, “there's Gale and Johanna, the biologists working for the park, fooling around with each other.”

Yes, Gale and Johanna are here, dressed in white lab coats, awkwardly touching each other's face.

So if Beetee says that he sees something, that thing appears? Well, I can do that to. I point to his left. “Look, there's Beetee having overcome his issues.”

Peeta looks at me with a deadpan expression. “Nice try.”

Beetee's outline leaves Peeta and darts to Johanna. “We've just discovered an antidote for the terrible fungus that is killing the vegetation in the park.”

The outline jumps to Gale. “Using an unapproved procedure. Now, we're going to kiss.” He turns to Johanna, bends down as well as he can from his towering height, and make a strange sound, opening his mouth in an o shape. He darts back and forth between the two of them, doing the same sound over and over.

I have to resist the urge to throw up. This doesn't even remotely look like two people sharing a kiss, but I definitely don't want to see, or think, about Gale and Johanna making out. There are some thing a friend should never see.

“This is what you think I want?” I ask Beetee.

Johanna turns towards me dramatically. “What do you want, manager?”

“I want to talk to Beetee.”

“There's no one here by that name.” Gale says.

I glare at him. “You're lying.”

He shrugs. “Maybe I am. So what? I was raised on the mean street of the Seam. I'm not scared of you.”

Think fast, Katniss. What would make Beetee work with you? How can you lure him out of his hiding place?

The idea flashes through my mind in a nanosecond, and immediately a syringe appears on the laboratory table next to me. I grab it and plunge it in Gale's arm, pushing the piston. “Sodium pentothal. Commonly know as truth serum.” I announce. “Now tell me everything.”

Gale's face scrunches up in a last effort to resist the substance running through his veins. It is useless, though. Soon, he is spilling words as a fountain spills water. “I saw Beetee's name in the park files. I love butt stuff. I hate spiders. I stole a pen from the bank. I cried during About a Boy... the soundtrack...” He bites his lips not to cry. He sniffs and keeps talking. “Once I didn't wash my hand after touching some disgusting thingie I found during an inspection in the park. I can see why women find Clive Owen attractive and I might just as well be attracted to him. I use comparison to Hitler to win arguments on the internet at the drop of a hat. I know nothing about wine. I'm more turned on by women in pajamas than lingerie, I like that they feel comfortable. I didn't get Inception. I didn't get Inception! So many layers!”

By this point he has started sobbing uncontrollably. But I don't have time to console him. We need to stay on the topic. “You said you saw his name in the files. We need to find them!”

I turn to Peeta and he nods. “Dreamatorium, render environment archive study room.”

The lab disappears and in its place is our study room, where the majority of the study group's adventures start. Annie and Haymitch are here.

“Look, there's the head ranger, Annie, talking to Haymitch Abernathy, the alcoholic, Pulitzer Prize nominee who got lost during an excursion in the park last week and was found only today.”

“Mr. Abernathy, what were you doing sitting in that cave?” she asks the older man.

He slurs, visibly intoxicated. “I thought 'twas a train.”

I walk to Annie, impatient. “Annie, get me the file on Beetee.”

She looks at me in confusion. “Beetee doesn't exist, my friend.”

I grit my teeth. “He exists if I say so. This is my park.”

Annie clicks her tongue. “Your park is a simulation being run through a filter of other people's needs. Beetee's been filtered out because nobody wants him around.”

This shocks me. Does he really think that about us? About himself? “I want him around.”

“Well, you're not simulated.” Annie retorts.

I square my shoulder again. Apparently, the only way to obtain something from Beetee is if I'm a demanding boss. “No,” I start, “but this is!” I slap the air.

Annie's head snaps to the side with a second delay, her hand clutching her red cheek.

“There's more where that didn't came from.” I state.

“This is a private compartment!” Haymitch shouts.

I ignore him, focusing on Peeta. “Get the files.” I order him.

He lifts his right eyebrow. “Why me?” he asks.

“Because you can see the cabinets.” If I make Beetee think that I believe everything he says while he's playing Peeta, perhaps it will be easier to get what I want. But Peeta keeps looking at me with his raised eyebrow, expectant. I scrub my face and huff. “And I'll make love to you.”

He pumps his fist in the air. Apparently I'm not the only one hot on getting two members of the group together.

Peeta walks to a random cabinet behind him and immediately fishes out a file. He browses the papers, his brow furrowing the more he goes on. “There is a Beetee in the park, but he's not a ranger.” He pauses, looking at me in astonishment. “He's a missing hiker.”

Suddenly Annie screams. “Notify security!”

“Conductor!” Haymitch blares after her.

I run to Peeta and hastily grab his hand. “Please, enough with this game.” I say. “Take me where I want to go.”

Peeta looks at me for a second, his eyes then falling on our joined hands. “Follow me.” He leads me out of the study room. “You should probably run in place and let the hall move around you.”

I do as I'm told, and the hall starts sliding quickly. We arrive at a glass door and barge through it.

And suddenly we are on a beach at sunset, wearing our white bathing suits. A pretty motif is playing in the background.

“What's this music?” I ask Peeta.

“It's your theme. It plays every time we have an interaction written to enrich our story arch.” he answers.

“Where are we?” I ask, confused.

“Exactly where you wanted to be.” Peeta says. “The last day of the study group's vacation, first year. The night we kissed.”

I remember that day. We had separated from the others, deciding to go for a walk on the beach. We were sitting on the foreshore, the waves lapping our toes, when Peeta addressed the fact that he was glad I hadn't gotten through with my decision to move to Capitol College. He said that without me the group would have probably died out. I told him that it wasn't true, that the group would have survived my departure. He retorted that that would have happened had he been the one to live. Because no one in the study group really needs him. I replied that I did. I need him. And then we kissed. The best damn kiss of my entire life.

But something else strikes me right now. “Beetee wasn't there, so whose memory is this?” I ask.

Peeta shrugs. “Maybe it's yours.” he says. “Maybe the Dreamatorium really works. Or maybe Finnick was watching from the treeline and told Beetee about it.”

I turn towards the trees planted next to the beach to offer some shelter to the bathers during the hottest hours of the day. Sure enough, Finnick is there, hiding behind a large trunk. He leans forward and says, “We don't have cable at home.”

I turn back to Peeta, suddenly pissed. Is it because I just found out that someone was spying on Peeta and me in such a private moment? Or perhaps because Beetee is using it against me, to make me give up my search for him? “Knock if off, Beetee.”

Peeta shakes his head slightly, still looking at me with the same eyes of that day on the beach. “I'm not Beetee. You're confused, as I was. But not anymore.” He cups my cheek in his left hand and leans towards me.

His closeness, like earlier, sends my senses in overdrive. A spark runs from the place where his hand is resting to all my extremities. “Peeta...” I whisper.

Wait. No. What the hell am I doing? This is not Peeta!

I shake his hand off and take a step back. “Beetee, stop! I don't wanna do this.” The music around us stops.

“Are you sure about that?” he smirks.

I don't understand how that face can make me go weak at the knees. “I mean...” I shake myself again. I can't be deterred right now. “That's not the point.” I say as firmly as I can. “I want to talk to Beetee. I'm taking the files.” I mimic grabbing the folder Peeta is holding and browse through it. “Aha! It says that Beetee was taken to the ranger lounge after he was found earlier this morning. Condition: never better.”

Peeta gives a breathy laugh. “You're not holding anything.” He shakes his head and holds up the file in front of me. He opens it up and starts reading. “Beetee Latier, missing hiker 1373. Control freak with no empathy. People bend over backwards to take care of him. Signed, park manager Katniss Everdeen.” He shows me the paper with my signature.

I should be concerned that Beetee knows how to forge my signature, but at the moment it's something else that causes me to worry. He overheard what I told Gale on the phone earlier. Of course he wouldn't want to talk to me. I'm the biggest jerk ever. “That's out of context.” I try to defend myself, knowing that I shouldn't.

Peeta shushes me and wraps an arm around me. The music starts all over again. “You thought about everything, Katniss. With Beetee gone and Gale and Johanna together there's nothing standing in our way.”

I'm confused. “What?”

“This is your dream, Katniss. This is why you played wingman for Gale. This is what's important to you.” He leans forward again, this time trying to kiss me.

I shove him off of me, enraged. “You are not Peeta!” I shout. “Because Peeta cares about Beetee. And I didn't push Gale and Johanna together so this would happen.” I move my hand between us. “I did it because I thought they were missing a chance to see if something could happen, and this would have been a bonus.”

Peeta lifts his eyebrow and smiles. Damn me and my big mouth.

I keep talking, aggravated. “We are not here. And I'm not staying here because I hate whoever you are!”

I walk away.

“You should probably storm off in place.” Beetee says.

But it's too late. I bang my head against the wall of the Dreamatorium, where the treeline starts, and fall on my ass.

The beach disappears. We are back in our apartment.

“Where do you wanna go next?” Beetee asks.

I massage my forehead. I'm so tired of his games right now. “I wanna be alone,” I mumble.

“Sounds good to me. Dreamatorium, execute simulation Katniss/Katniss.”

The Dreamatorium morphs once again. This time it's the study room.

“There,” I hear my voice say. “Now we're alone.”

I turn around to see a copy of me smiling. Gosh, how irritating can Beetee get? “Great, now you're me,” I say, standing up to face him.

“Why are you blowing our magic moment with Peeta?” she asks me, angry.

I roll my eyes. “It's not magic. It's not even real.”

My copy smiles. “But we love Peeta.”

“Not like this!” I spit out. “Not to the point that we play with our friends' lives to get what we want. We prefer to get lost in the memories that we share with Peeta, and we keep running the same scenario over and over hoping for a different result, dreaming that we had the guts back then to act on our feelings.”

She puts a hand on her chest. “Running scenarios? Careful now, you're starting to sound like Beetee.”

A sudden epiphany hits me. I sound like Beetee. What if I take it to the next level and start acting like him, just like he is acting like me?

“So... I shouldn't be saying things like...” I try to imitate Beetee's monotone voice as best as I can. “Star Wars. Mockingjay. Cougar Town. Cool, cool, cool.”

My copy looks at me with a mixture of fear and disbelief. “Stop it!”

But I'm on a mission now. Beetee is not the only one that can use the Dreamatorium to make things the way he wants them. “Pop culture, pop culture!” I say. “I'm on a TV show.”

“You're gonna get in trouble!”

Right in that moment, I turn into Beetee, colorful sweater and t-shirt and all. “Meta, meta.”

My copy steps back, terrified. “It's Beetee! I got a Beetee here!” she screams.

Cray, the campus head of security appears next to me. Beetee outline jumps on him. He grabs my arm forcefully. “That's it. I find you guilty of being Beetee. You're under arrest.”

He drags me into the hall, to a row of lockers. We stop in front of a locker covered in danger signs. Cray opens it and shoves me inside with a maniacal laugh.

The inside looks nothing like a locker. Mostly because it's as big as my bedroom. The place is completely empty except a figure slumped against the gray, metal wall, his wrist cuffed to a metal ring.

I recognize the outfit of the Crafter. “Beetee?”

He looks up at me, confused. “Beetee.”

I finally found him. The real Beetee, not the one being mean to our friends. I'm so relieved. “Yeah! I found you by turning into you. How cool is that?”

He looks away. He doesn't seem as thrilled as I am about this newfound ability of mine. “Cool. Cool, cool, cool.” His catchphrase doesn't have the usual wonder in it.

“Where are we?” I ask, casting a glance around us.

“We're inside a locker.” he deadpans. “It's where I spent a lot of time during high school.”

I turn back to be myself. Why would he think any of us, in this case me, would lock him in here? “You know how absurd it is to think that this is where we'd put you?”

“Well, I'm not stupid.” he says. “You can see I've increased the square footage. It's a metaphorical locker. It's a place where people like me are put when everyone has finally had enough of us.”

I roll my eyes. He's so dramatic sometimes.

Beetee keeps talking. “I've run the simulations, Katniss. I don't get married. I don't invent a billion dollar website to help people have sex. I don't make it into Sundance, Slamdance or Dance Pants. Gale invents Dance Pants in 2019, but don't tell him. He needs to stumble onto it.”

I need to stop his rambling. “All right, listen. The scenarios you run in here are great science fiction. They're impressive, detailed, insightful. But they're not accurate at all. Science fiction never has been. Look at 2001. Did we get a space odyssey? Nope. We just got snowboarding in the Olympics. Your simulations are just your anxieties. You're afraid you won't fit in and that you'll be alone. I got news for you. It's the same for all of us. So you'll never be alone and you'll always fit it.”

He looks at me with a sad, little face. But I can see the start of a new hope at the back of his eyes.

I keep talking. “I meddled with Gale and Johanna because I was trying to make life go according to a script. But I can't. You can't. We both need to get more used to winging it. It'll be less work.”

We share a little smile. Here it is, my weird friend.

“Let's get you out of here,” I tell him.

“I don't know how.” he says looking at his handcuffs. “These fake shackles don't have a fake key.”

I crouch down beside him. “Isn't that what a plasma spear is for?” I ask him holding up the weapon of the Crafter, materialized out of nowhere.

Beetee smiles a little. “Technically, no. But that's fine.”

I point the spear at the shackles. A ray of plasma energy sprouts out of the tip of the weapon, hitting the handcuffs and destroying them, freeing Beetee.

He massages his wrists.

“So, should we get back to lunch?” I ask him.

He cocks his head to the side. “I guess so. A bit more anticlimactic than I would have simulated it, but whatever.”

I scoff. “Anticlimactic? Dreamatorium, execute simulation Battle of the Tree Island.”

Standing up next to the Crafter, the Mockingjay juts her hand out to him. “The Reasoner and the Hunter have opened up a path for us.” she says. “What do you say, Crafter, should we go free our people?”

The Crafter looks up at her. He sees the determination in her eyes, the perspiration on her face, her black combat suit covered in dirt and blood. A new hope blossoms in the Crafter's heart. He'll stand with the Mockingjay till his last breath.

He grabs her hand and stands up.

They scream their battle cry, launching themselves against the Men in White. The Mockingjay grabs one of them by the neck and starts punching him in the guts.

“Katniss!” the man cry out in pain.

I immediately stop my assault and let go of Beetee. “Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!”

I help Beetee stand up. “No, no.” he says. “You're committing. This is good stuff.”

We share a big smile. I guess that I understand why Beetee and Gale think that this room is so special.

[nannycanes]

I just beat BOTW and I’m gonna yell about it for a minute here we go spoilers ahoy.

Overall, I think it deserved like a 9, perhaps 9.5, but then again I tend to give a lotta unloved games some rather high ratings so idk how much merit my input has (after all I love the hell outta Spirit Tracks and like 95% of the Zelda fandom seems to hate that game.) The gameplay mechanics are amazing, and in my personal experience I was finding decent weapons faster than I was breaking them, so I never had to worry about running into a camp with something like a badly damaged boko club or something to that effect lol.

The tilt puzzle in Myahm Agana in Hateno Village can suck an egg but otherwise I loved the shrine puzzles. For the beasts themselves I went Rudania>Medoh>Ruta>Naboris but if I were to replay I’d just do Vah Ruta first and get it out of the way (and get my free ‘fairy’ lol)

Pretty sure people clicked this to see opinions on specific characters though and that’s what I really wanted to talk about so, in no particular order, my thoughts on:

Sidon: This character was so corny I referred to him as the Ham and Cheese sandwich during my entire Vah Ruta playthrough (which I did 3rd) I get why people like him (conventional attraction and ??british?? accent are big factors I think) but honestly the first time I heard him I thought his accent was Jamaican and tbh that would’ve been more interesting. That or the Skid McMarx voice Game Grumps gave him)

Mipha: uuuuuugh shut up please. Her VA was obviously straining very hard to sound super soft and feminine, esp right before shooting at Ganon. As a person she’s alright but I gotta wonder why she’s totally ok with her relationship with Link consisting of just her running around healing him every time he does something stupid. What’d he do for her? What’s the relationship like outside of her healing? Kudos for Link actually getting engaged (by choice unlike OOT lol) but I’m scratching my head over his choice, there’s lacking context I think.

Revali: What a dickhead, I’m glad he and his terrible bird puns are dead. Kudos to the VA for getting his smugness in every single little line, including the one where he tells you the Revali’s Gale power is charged up again. The writers knew exactly what they were going for with him and fuckin’ nailed it.

Teba: Aka the bird whose name is never remembered. I think he suffered from the rushed writing of the entire Rito segment because it seems the only investment he has in taking down Vah Medoh is that the village chief/elder told him to. Felt kinda flat, but very determined at least.

Urbosa: my favorite champion because she was confident without being downright arrogant, it strongly felt like she knew exactly what she was capable of and likely took a long time to get there. She definitely cared about Zelda, and I bet out of all the champions, she was likely closest to her. It felt more like a personal relationship than professional.

Riju: Surprisingly mature for a kid, I gotta wonder why they didn’t think to just pad the inside of the thunder helm to keep it from slipping lol. She wasn’t a bad character in any way, but at the same time she didn’t stick out beyond being a good basic lead-up to Vah Naboris. Also someone on tungle dot hell is overly-obsessed with sand seal puns and mentioned her room being packed with seal dolls, so naturally I went in to investigate and damn those things’re bigger than she is.

Daruk: second-favorite champion, I love how he’s all about big displays (Zelda coronating Link, his enthusiasm with Vah Rudania, major gestures, etc) His voice acting was good and his characterization was as well, but despite his clearly honest concerns for Zelda in the flashbacks, it still sorta felt more like a business-based relationship than personal. Makes me wonder how much any of the champions actually hung out with Zelda.

Yunobo: MY BOY. MY SON. Would’ve been ‘crush’ but his title is ‘goron youth’ and I’m not about that in the slightest so SON IT IS. A lot of people complain about his voice acting, but I think his voice fits him perfectly. Sure, a couple of lines were a little weird (idk if they had to do his tired panting in the initial introduction, for example) but I especially love how being a descendant of Daruk didn’t make him special beyond, “hey you’re the only thing we can shoot at this damn robot to make it go away”. No special treatment and no ego to follow. Kinda felt like they struggled to find a balance of whether or not he was cowardly, so that kinda took away from it, but by far and away he’s my favorite character in the game.

Zelda: I 100% don’t blame her for being an emotional wreck and I’m really glad Link doesn’t seem to either. Her British accent seemed sorta fake or exaggerated here and there (I don’t think Patricia Summersett herself is British) but she had a really well written story, there was a lot of focus on her struggle to awaken her power, and I think it’s a shame that there isn’t more emphasis on getting those memories (of course, to be fair, it would feel forced if there were, so I guess finding them is both a reward AND incentive.) I wonder how she even got started on rebuilding Hyrule?

Link: This poor, anxious, screaming, naked child. I want to know more about him and am sad that the game tries to keep him blank for player projection. TELL ME BOUT THE BOY. I legit expected him to speak up at some point near the end given it’s a voice-acted Zelda game, but sadly it didn’t happen. Also me wearing the Guardian Helmet kinda sucked the mood out of the final cutscenes, it literally looks like an overturned jomon pot was just jammed on my head.

Ganon: holy fuck what happened to his face. Ok in all seriousness though I didn’t expect something that unsettling waiting for me in The Pit™ given the four blight Ganons were pretty uniform, so if you have a thing about like... spiders or centipedes or things with long spindly limbs I would advise for that, I guess. As always, boar Ganon is hella and personally I’m pleased with the final shot being taken from like 200ft off the ground.

I still have stuff I gotta do, sidequests to finish n’ all that junk, but I’m glad I beat the game in the timeframe that I did (the copy I’ve been playing belongs to my sister’s friend who leaves tomorrow)

[janetchavezcom]

Best Pop Up Campers Our Top 5

Pop up campers are incredibly popular now, people are choosing pop-up campers over the pricey motorhomes for practical reasons, they’re just more affordable.  A pop-up camper is a foldable mobile tent which is easy to put up yet is also very easy to tow.  Of course, cheap doesn’t necessarily mean good.  If you end up buying a less than capable pop-up camper, chances are you’ll end up needing to buy another, negating any savings you may have made. It’s worth getting the best pop up camper from the outset.

However, you’re in luck, a good pop-up camper may need not be as expensive as you think.  It can be complicated though, because there are so many camper models available, each one promising to meet, if not, exceed your expectations.  To help make your buying decision easier, I’ve compiled a list of the best pop up campers available to buy on the market today.

But before we get into the details, I’m assuming you would want to get to know more about the humble yet ubiquitous pop-up camper if you’re buying it for the first time. Or maybe you’re just someone that wants to get reacquainted with this affordable RV. In which case, the next section is for you.

Each one of us has their preferences, notwithstanding budget, so let’s begin with the most important factors to consider in a pop-up camper, as well as what are some of the questions you should answer before making your purchase.

FUNCTION

If you’re fortunate enough to head out on an adventure filled journeys, ending up in exotic locales all over the country, then you might take some comfort in being able to hunker down in comfortable and familiar surroundings.  A pop-up camper can meet these needs perfectly, but there are a couple of aspects you may need to consider.

How many persons can sleep inside the pop-up camper?  Some campers can accommodate two to eight sleepers at a time. If you max the sleeping capacity, it can certainly be cozy, but that’s the price you’ll pay.

How much can you store inside? Length varies from ten feet up to as much eighteen feet and up to fourteen-floor plans for some models.  A reasonable amount of storage should be enough to keep your things organized.

Is it easy to tow using my car?  Pop-up campers are lightweight in general, so it is compatible with virtually any type of four-wheeled vehicle, especially those with limited towing capacity.  As pop-up campers are generally lightweight, the fuel economy of the vehicle is unlikely to be significantly impacted.  The low profile also means rear visibility is decent.

AMENITIES

This is where a trailer can up the ante over a normal tent- the creature comforts and features can be very attractive to a buyer.  After all, a pop-up camper will be your home away from home, if not your only home so it’s got to have the bells and whistles, and then some.

Does it come with a toilet?  Toilets are not usually available for the smaller models for obvious reasons.  For those that can accommodate one, it’s common to have a wet bathroom facility.  It’s like the bathrooms you will find in trains.  The shower head is almost directly above a waterproofed toilet so expect not only to clean yourself when taking a shower, but the entire room is likely to get wet. If you don’t like the extra hassle, there are even a few that have a separate shower and toilets.  Again, it’s unlikely that these shower rooms will be very large, but there should be room enough to store shampoos, soaps etc.

Does it have a kitchen and/or a living room?  Ok, let’s keep it real, a kitchenette and a sitting room maybe.  A small outdoor style kitchen can often be found on the side paneling. These may consist of a compact sink and a two to a four-burner stove.  A portable kind can also be placed inside on some models.  Even if you’re only equipped with a two burner stove, it can afford you the luxury of producing a range of homemade meals. Once you’ve been dining on takeaways and fast food for several days, the thought of a freshly made meal can be very appealing.  Additionally, having a sofa can be a great addition to entertain friends or serve as your retreat after a tiring hike in the wilderness.

Can it fit a refrigerator? If your pop-up camper can hold a refrigerator albeit the personal or mini kind, then that’s a big bonus.  When you’re choosing food to take on your camping trip, having the ability to keep frozen items frozen and fresh items cool can make a massive difference to the variety of foods you can take with you.  A cold drink on a hot day can also be a pleasant treat.

Does it come with beds?  Don’t expect a big, fluffy king-sized mattress.  Remember, you’re not staying in a fully-equipped five-star hotel room. It’s a camper, but you can still have a soft bed that is comfortable enough to give you and your family and/ or friends, a good night’s rest.  You can even upgrade the bedding with aftermarket alternatives such as memory foam or hybrid mattresses.

Can it accommodate an A/C and/ or heater?  An A/C unit during a hot summer and a heater on a cold winter freeze can offer much-needed comfort when the weather outside is less than clement.  Pop-up campers are more vulnerable to the conditions going on outside compared to any other RV.  If its hot outside, it’s likely to become very hot on the inside unless you can create sufficient airflow through the tent.  Likewise, if it’s cold outside, the temperature inside can quickly drop on the inside unless you can provide a source of heat.

DURABILITY

Just like any big purchase, you wouldn’t want to waste your money on something that will break only a few months if not weeks after you bought it.  It’s a good thing that pop-up campers can last a long time with the right care and attention, but you need to make sure you’re buying a reliable model.  Like anything else, there are occasional duds which you’ll want to avoid.  There are some questions you need to address when getting your camper:

Can I confidently drive it on the freeway without any concerns over its structural stability?

What happens when you’re camped out and it starts blowing a gale?

USER-FRIENDLY

The foldable feature of the camper itself should help in hinging and unhinging the trailer to your car without too much hassle.  However, assembling your pop-up camper from its folded state can be tedious.  It’s one of those things you need to know step by step using the owner’s manual, the more you use it, the more adept you’ll become at putting it up.  Practice makes perfect.  It might need some getting used to, but this is another important consideration for your purchase.

MAINTENANCE

For worry-free usage and confidence in its abilities, care and maintenance are necessary.  Aside from regular cleaning, you might be in for expensive repairs if it involves the camper flooring.  Ultimately, you must carry out routine checks on the waterproof canvas, checking out for wear and tear, holes or anything else that may impact it’s waterproofing.

Additionally, checks should also be carried out on the roof lift system, seals and tires.  Holes caused by abrasion are more prone to happen where the canvas meets the frame or where sections pivot, so pay special attention to these areas.  You can most probably do the minor repairs by yourself and consult a professional for the complicated issues.

APPEARANCE

Again, the fact that his camper is collapsible when on the move gives it a tidy and neat look when not in use.  When the trailer is unfolded, it’ll closely resemble a tent, which is not necessarily a bad thing.  You can even add custom touches to your camper to better match your personal styling preferences.

CONDITION

Should you buy a brand-spanking new model or a used but in good condition variant?  A used camper is not so much a bad idea for as long as the preceding buying factors are met.  If you have the skills and time to do so, a fixer-upper can also be a good choice, you might even be able to sell it for a profit once restored.  You must also check for any issues or imperfections on the following as well:

the physical condition of the entire vehicle

damage caused by moisture

heating and cooling systems should be in working order

fair selling price

But if you want to make a sound investment and have a solid budget for it, buying a new one makes more sense, most importantly if it’s going to rack up lots of mileage. That’s of course just my opinion.

POP-UP TRAILER VS OTHER RVS

There are different kinds of RVs catered to different buyers.  One type is the Trailer van which is a much sturdier version with its hard structure. So how does our humble pop-up camper hold up to the trailer van?  Let’s find out on this face-off:

PORTABILITY

Pop-up campers easily win this one.  The specially treated canvas is lightweight and folds when you’re on the road, making towing the entire thing a breeze.  Travel trailers with its metal walls, are fixed in size whether you’re camped out or traveling. They are a lot heavier and bulky in appearance.

STORAGE

You can easily store your pop-up camper when not in use, with some models even having a door lock for added security and peace of mind.  On the other hand, you might need to find a lot more space in your garage to accommodate your travel trailer or worse, you may even have to pay just for trailer storage.  Based on its compact size which makes for easier storing, It’s now 2 points for pop-up campers.

DRIVING

Aside from being lightweight, the low towing profile of the pop-up camper allows for regular driving routines you are already accustomed to.  As such, backing up is less of a problem because of its low height when collapsed, it does not block your vision.  When you are pulling an RV such as a travel trailer, you will need those special side mirrors to back up safely.  If only for this reason, the pop-up camper wins.

VERSATILITY

It’s safe to say that you can carry out most of your basic home activities such as cooking, showering, relaxing, sleeping, storing things etc. in both the pop-up camper and travel trailer. In terms of versatility, travel trailers have the edge over pop-up campers, they tend to have more amenities and are easier to use.

While we are clearly praising the benefits of a pop-up camper, they do have several shortcomings that are not present in a travel trailer.  I would say that pop-up campers are best suited for camping trips (glamping if you have a pimped-out model with extra perks) while travel trailers are for those who would want to go on long vacations and save money instead of booking hotels.  A travel trailer is more spacious and therefore has more capacity for luxurious amenities.  Travel trailers also require very little in the way of set up, most of the time you can just park up and with a small amount of effort you’re all set. They also tend to offer a little bit more of privacy because of its solid walls, which stop light as well as noise escaping.

And in case you’re wondering, you don’t need a special driving license or any additional training to be able to pull a pop-up camper.  Your existing license will suffice

We’re nearing our best pop-up camper picks, and I know you’re excited to know which campers have been included. At this point, you have been armed with basic knowledge on what you are buying, the good points, the bad points, what to expect and what the alternative RV options offer over a pop-up camper.  Now onto our top picks and the criteria we’ve used to score each of the options.

BEST POP UP CAMPERS REVIEW CRITERIA

selling price – Being the most expensive doesn’t always translate to top quality. We have chosen five brands that have excellent price points, a.k.a more bang for your buck.

functionality – We highlighted each camper’s salient features that make them so attractive to buyers. Brand A could have more storing capacity than Brand B, but Brand B has a four-burner stove while Brand A has two.

customer rating – Who better to have a say than the actual person who has tested it.  It is one thing to sell a nice product and another to have a sleuth of positive reviews and highly recommended product.

feedback from product experts – Information by people in-the-know is, valuable.  The technicalities are where it’s at and even laymen like us consumers need that understanding so we can appreciate the product even more.

We’ve spent countless hours and days researching this topic to provide you with the most comprehensive guide available.  As we’ve already discussed, we’ve had to talk to customers of the chosen campers as well as RV experts to balance objectivity in our review choices.  We also made use of online surveys to supplement our opinions and preconceptions.  I will highlight the buying and review criteria we laid out earlier on in this article, as well as through in a few observations and thoughts.

Our intention is to provide you with as much detail as possible to allow you to make your own informed decision as to which pop-up camper best suits your needs. So, without further ado, please read on for our top 5 recommended pop-up campers.

Jayco Jay Series Sports Camping Trailer

FUNCTION

The Jayco Jay Series Sport is arguably the best in terms of its functions and features.  It can pack a lot of punch within its frame and its fifteen-inch mud tires which are available on the Baja Package model are icing on the cake.  Towing is not a hassle given the ample ground clearance.  It doesn’t hurt having the retractable aluminum steps and a screen door that’s self-closing, either.

Thanks to its sturdy cabinetry, you can store as many pots and pans as you want, keeping your camper clean and organized. You can extend your space with an outdoor feel using an optional ten-by-twelve screen room and privacy panels. This way you can enjoy delicious meals and engaging conversations outside but still have the benefit of shelter from wind, rain, and sun.

AMENITIES

Talk about next level camper facilities- the Jayco Jay Series Sport boasts a kitchen with acrylic sink and faucet and stainless-steel stove which you can use either inside or outside. It comes with a hinged galley with a fridge which is pre-plumbed for added comfort.  There’s an option for four-inch heated bed mats as well as bunk lights and fans.

It has a curtained bathroom, a dinette with reversible cushions, and area prepped for your entertainment where you can place your flat screen TV and sound system.  Not to forget, a six-gallon water heater to enjoy your quick but relaxing hot shower.  With four floor plans that stretch to an unbelievable length of twenty-five feet, it’s features and amenities rival those of many motorhomes or travel trailers.

DURABILITY

The iron-clad warranty lasts for an impressive five years on parts and labor, which is a testament to Jayco Jay Series Sport’s reliability.  Its dome-styled roof is made of fiberglass and has Duratek material tents that resist mildew and repel water.  The windows are tinted with vinyl to protect from harmful rays and prevents cracking due to cold weather. The heavy-duty A-frame is Norco that neither corrodes nor scratches. Furthermore, the topnotch finishing’s on the embossed aluminum makes it suitable for any type of camp conditions.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

The lift system has wide lifter posts connecting to the tent which makes it simple to assemble.  It also has a leveling tongue jack and a retractable ladder made with sand pads allowing for easy entry into the camper.

APPEARANCE

The wall-to-wall vinyl floors is of premium quality and make this camper very attractive.  The coziness is even more evident with its jackknife sofa, booth dinette and a lounge area where you can hang out and relax.  The exterior of the Jayco Jay Series Sport appeals to the rustic and rugged as well as the picky and sophisticated buyer.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

The Jayco Jay Series Sport is on the top of our list which hits almost all the marks of a perfect, liveable pop-up camper.  It is made of high-quality materials that ensure its longevity.  We like the fact that it comes with a good-size screen room with privacy panels when you want to experience the outdoors while remaining within the camper.  You can stretch the length of the entire pop-up to twenty-five feet and that’s huge by camper standards.  Those waterproof Duratek tents are comforting especially during the adverse weather conditions, we love being inside a tent when it’s raining.

The mud tires and high ground clearance are perfect for rough terrain. We could use a bathroom especially when camped out and it has one. Assembly is fast, easy and uncomplicated, taking only a few minutes to go from trailer to fully assembled.  The 1050-pound rated bunk beds can accommodate a reasonable load to make your stay as convenient as possible.

There are only a few issues I can say about the Jayco Sport.  One of them is that it suits a small group or family better.  It could be tight if you have more people tagging along.  I wish towing could be smoother on rough roads which may need some adjusting. I can also say its durability may be challenged during inclement weather.

Forest River – Flagstaff Hard Side Pop-Up Camper

FUNCTION

You get the best of both worlds from the Forest River – Flagstaff Hard Side Pop-Up Camper.  It has hard walls comparable to many campers or travel trailers, yet it has pop-up qualities which keep it portable and convenient.  It’s very easy to tow and storage is straightforward. Having eight-floor plans allow for plenty of choices, The Forest River Flagstaff offers different variants to address different needs.  If you want to save on conventional batteries, the camper is also prepped for solar panels, which can save a lot of hassle when camping without powered lots.

AMENITIES

The Forest River Flagstaff has all the basics plus bonus modern conveniences. With the multiple floor plans, you can have a beautiful enclosed living room with maple interior.  As for the pre-plumbed kitchen, it features a high-rise faucet and double-pan sink similar to those you can find in a regular house.  Aside from the three-burner stove, you also have your microwave for quick reheating of your leftovers.  Water supply is ensured with its pump on the underside.

Your entertainment is provided by the presence of a TV outlet cable, satellite hookup, USB ports, WIFI booster and ranger, detachable power cord plus converter and safety breaker to keep your appliances safe.  You can enjoy your zzzzs on quilted bed mattresses with an option for heated bed mats. Attend to your bathroom needs with its hard wall shower and residential-type toilet.

DURABILITY

The high-grade materials used in the construction of this camper assures its long-term use and appeal without fear of wear and tear. It also comes with multiple specific warranties on roof, floor, frame, tent, suspension and lifter system.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

The fiberglass vacuum exterior, powder-coated steel frame and four EZ Crank Down Stabilizer jacks with sand pads will make setting up a breeze.  You can be camped out in style without much effort.

APPEARANCE

The combination of the best features from a typical travel trailer and a pop-up camper improve the overall look of the Forest River Flagstaff.  The hard walls, large, tinted rear roof, and windows give it a homier feel. This also allows more natural light and airflow, which make your stay comfortable and gives the impression of larger accommodation.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

I’m happy to declare the Forest River Flagstaff Hard Side Pop-up camper as one of the best out there. As mentioned, the durable hard side walls and its folding top merge the great qualities of a trailer and a pop-up.  We like how the entire camper is prepped to accommodate many gadgets and appliances to make your camping comfortable and effortless. The linoleum floors with a wooden design plus two-toned seats make the Flagstaff look even more beautiful inside.  The availability of eight different floor plans provides plenty of options to the buyer.  Another plus is the nice bathroom which I consider the best I’ve seen in a pop-up camper

The disadvantage of the Forest River is not having the flexibility of a camper style where you can arrange your interior whichever way you want because of the hard side walls.   This will depend however on your personal preference as some might be ok with having a fixed floor plan.  Comparing it to the Jayco Jay Series Sport, it does not have mud tires, so it’s less capable camping off the beaten track.  However, you can always opt for a third-party tire to overcome this restriction.  The pop-up camper also lacks a private screen room where you can hang out outside but still within the camper territory.

LivinLite – QuickSilver Tent Camper

FUNCTION

The LivinLite QuickSilver Tent Camper offers a wide range of features that you might be looking for in a highly reliable pop-up camper. The price is lower than most yet features many convenient amenities, it could very well be the most affordable luxury pop-up camper there is.  You can comfortably sleep three to six happy campers within its length, which stretches to twenty feet and a height of eight feet with some floor plans.

Speaking of floor plans, there are four to choose from, so there should be something to meet your requirements.  The 12-inch tires will provide you with ample stability on the road.  As for storing items, you have several under-seat storage provisions made of thermoformed plastic which make great use of the space available.

AMENITIES

The LivinLite QuickSilver comes prepped for appliances and upgrades such that you can easily make it your own style preferences and needs.  You can add a variety of creature comforts such as air conditioning unit, awnings, awning room, LP furnace, stove, storage deck, residential kitchen countertop, privacy curtains, among others.  On the technical aspect, you can go for electric brakes, higher road clearance, as well as all-terrain 15-inch tires for better road performance.

Default facilities include aluminum cabinets, composite countertops, vinyl cushions, fans on 2 bunk rooms, electricity outlets, hand pump sink, and water tank. If you’re not content with the basics, you can choose from any number of packages that increase the usefulness of the pop-up camper.

DURABILITY

It is amazing that despite its lightweight construction, an all-tubular aluminum frame with vacuum walls can withstand all sorts of adverse weather conditions and they’ve been proven to be resistant to wear and tear.  The composite laminate materials on the exterior are resistant to both water and mold.  The LivinLite QuickSilver has a heavy-duty tent with zippered windows and emergency exits at the bed areas.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

Again, its lightweight properties due to aluminum materials account for its tow ability and maneuverability even by small cars.  Transforming it into a campsite can be uncomplicated with the swivel jack on tongue, pre-wired Furrion Solar and front/ rear stabilizer jacks.

APPEARANCE

You are assured to find a LivinLite QuickSilver that suits your aesthetic preferences, the trailer is available in over six-color configurations. When you’re towing the camper, it’s not at all distracting, as it folds into a neat package which is easy to tow as any other small trailer.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

If you are looking to buy a pop-up camper that’s friendly on the budget but has endless possibilities, the Livinlite QuickSilver could be your best choice.  I like the composite countertops, laminate flooring, aluminum cabinetry and residential Freeze/Crack-Proof Linoleum which are all very practical to use.  I could fit more stuff into it thanks to the under-seat Thermoformed compartments that have more storage capacity than you might first realize. And because you didn’t spend as much on buying the camper, it means that you might be able to stretch to more luxury addons and amenities without fear of breaking the bank.  I would get air conditioning, extra ground clearance, 15-inch tires, storage deck, seven-way plug and stove top, so I don’t miss anything.  However, the choice is obviously yours.

However, it could use some improvements on the towing features.  I also think that setup is a bit complicated, if it’s your first pop-up caper, it might take a bit of getting used to.

Going back to the Jayco Jay Series, it does not have a screen room as a standard- but you can buy it separately for an additional fee, of course.

Coachmen – Clipper And Viking Camping Trailer

FUNCTION

Coachmen’s Clipper and Viking Camping trailer is one of the nicest out there with its towing procedure made easy by an aerodynamic profile. This pop-up camper has fourteen different floor plans, which provides an incredible amount of choice and options. It can comfortably fit up to seven persons making it a great option for families or group of friends.  You can store your extra baggage in the super sliding storage trunk as an option.

AMENITIES

Camping inside the Clipper and Viking trailer feels relaxing and comfortable given the standard facilities.  Aside from the high-density Serta beds, several models of the Clipper and Viking have a built-in shower, Thetford toilet, furnace, privacy drapes, countertops, swing galley and drawer, Bluetooth stereo, acrylic sink, among many others.   If you’re still looking for more items, you can always add air conditioning, a solar panel, screen room, etc.  You’ll never have to miss out anything that you thought you can only have in a typical home.

DURABILITY

The chassis being equipped with a tubular steel frame, Wide Trac Ultralube Spring and torsion Axles relieve you of any worries about the camper’s sturdiness.  Driving with the Clipper and Viking is pleasant because of the electric brakes, radial tires and Goshen Lift System with Double Arms.  The laminated exterior is quite assuring that your camper will stay with you for a long time.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

This pop-up camper features a Glide-n-Lock Cable Supported Bed System among its state-of-the-art inclusions for easy set-up.  The roof is controlled by a Dual Drive Winch by Canimex that when used with a power drill, raising and lowering the roof will only take a few seconds.

APPEARANCE

The Clipper and Viking camping trailer has that wow factor when you see the cabinets with walnut finish among others.  They paid attention to the littlest details so that you wouldn’t have to look for anything else.  Folds easily so towing it on the road is not an eyesore for other motorists.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

We, including other customers of this pop-up camper, are happy with all the facilities that come with the purchase.  I consider this one of those top luxury pop-up campers in the market.  The lightweight but aesthetically pleasing design is attractive to buyers.  You also get to enjoy the many things you can do with the fourteen-floor plans and be able to bring many companions with you and not feel too cramped inside.  You will barely need to adjust to staying in this camper because it still feels homey with all the modern conveniences it can carry.  On the vehicle performance, the electric brakes, aluminum rims, radial tires are welcome additions.

While it has a lot of useful features, the Clipper and Viking Camping trailer, however, is slightly more expensive than its direct competition.  It also is quite unreliable during extreme weather.  And if I want to nitpick some more, the few color options might put off some buyers.

Aliner& Somerset – NewPort

FUNCTION

The Aliner & Somerset Newport camper only has simplicity in its mind, therefore, pegged as a cheap option for consumers who are not fans of ultra-modern facilities.  Despite its simple overall design with its one and only floor plan, it manages to deliver the goods, especially for the rustic adventurer.

The large tires provide a higher ground clearance and handle various terrain quite well. Storage is in a flip-up gallery and can fit a lot of the things you may need.  The camper can provide refuge for the night for up to six individuals with its two 4-inch mattresses.  In case you blow up one of your tires, a spare tire comes in handy.

AMENITIES

While the Aliner & Somerset Newport is anything but luxurious compared to the other pop-up campers on this list, it offers important basics to stay true to the authentic camping experience.  You have a decent-sized dinette that can transform into a 39 X 59- inch bed. You also have the standard equipment such as a toilet, double burner with cover, galley, LED lights, privacy drapes, and a portable 5-gallon water tank to help address your daily essentials.

DURABILITY

This camping trailer offers Galvanized Steel Side Body Panels and insulated roofing to protect you from the elements.  The stainless-steel lift system assures road safety of your vehicle.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

Given the simplicity of the Aliner & Somerset Camping trailer, setting it up as a campsite will be a breeze.  It is perhaps the easiest to transform among the pop-up campers on our list here.

APPEARANCE

This trailer looks good given its affordable price point.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

Anybody who is money-conscious and prefer basic. straightforward features will love this pop-up camper. I like the convertible dinette that can turn into a child’s bed which is very efficient. It is spacious enough to accommodate two 4-inch thick beds and has plenty of storage with its several cabinets inside. It’s great that it has a two-burner stove with cover, so you can still cook your family recipes while you’re camped out.  The large tires and extra ground clearance are perfect for handling the muddy terrain.

Now if you are used to premium amenities, the Aliner & Somerset Newport is not for you.  Objectively speaking though, the cheap quality of construction materials remains a big advantage regardless if you are an extravagant buyer or not.  As such, it will not be ideal for those who intend to use it frequently for camping trips.

TOP 5 POP-UP CAMPERS QUICK REFERENCE

Jayco Jay Series Sport Camping Trailer

sleeps two to seven persons

has four-floor plans

up to eighteen feet in length

closed length of about 11.7 feet

a closed height of about 4.9 feet

Flagstaff Hard Side Pop-Up Campers

sleeps two to eight persons

has eight-floor plans

up to nineteen feet in length

closed length of about 17 feet

a closed height of about 5 feet

LivinLite – QuickSilver Tent Camper

sleeps two to six persons

has four-floor plans

up to seventeen feet in length

closed length of about 10 feet

a closed height of about 4 feet

Clipper And Viking Camping Trailer

sleeps two to seven persons

has fourteen-floor plans

up to twenty-two feet in length

closed length of about 12.9 feet

a closed height of about 4.5 feet

Aliner& Somerset – NewPort

sleeps two to six persons

has one-floor plan

up to eighteen feet in length

closed length of about 13 feet

a closed height of about 4.10 feet

LAST WORD

There you have it, five of the most sought-after pop-up campers in today’s market.  I’m sure there are more alternatives available but I’m confident to tell you that the campers are the best options out there. We have factored in buyer considerations such as function, amenities, durability, user-friendliness, and appearance for each pop-up camper on the list.  And we have proven to you that a product need not be the most expensive to be regarded as one of the best.  It’s about getting your money’s worth.

When something is expensive but justified by its purpose and quality, that’s a good buy.  We tried to cover the need of all buyers- from the thrifty to the extravagant.  While I could be biased in saying that you can use this comprehensive article as your only guide in buying your own pop-up camper, it is still best to check out the corresponding websites of each manufacturer for more granular info.  I can only hope that I was able to positively contribute to your buying decision. Should you finally purchase the camper of your dreams, fill us in with your experiences by using the comments section below.

crowsurvival.com

The post Best Pop Up Campers Our Top 5 appeared first on Crow Survival.

source https://www.crowsurvival.com/best-pop-up-campers/ source https://crowsurvival.blogspot.com/2018/10/best-pop-up-campers-our-top-5.html

[crowsurvivalcom]

Best Pop Up Campers Our Top 5

Pop up campers are incredibly popular now, people are choosing pop-up campers over the pricey motorhomes for practical reasons, they’re just more affordable.  A pop-up camper is a foldable mobile tent which is easy to put up yet is also very easy to tow.  Of course, cheap doesn’t necessarily mean good.  If you end up buying a less than capable pop-up camper, chances are you’ll end up needing to buy another, negating any savings you may have made. It’s worth getting the best pop up camper from the outset.

However, you’re in luck, a good pop-up camper may need not be as expensive as you think.  It can be complicated though, because there are so many camper models available, each one promising to meet, if not, exceed your expectations.  To help make your buying decision easier, I’ve compiled a list of the best pop up campers available to buy on the market today.

But before we get into the details, I’m assuming you would want to get to know more about the humble yet ubiquitous pop-up camper if you’re buying it for the first time. Or maybe you’re just someone that wants to get reacquainted with this affordable RV. In which case, the next section is for you.

Each one of us has their preferences, notwithstanding budget, so let’s begin with the most important factors to consider in a pop-up camper, as well as what are some of the questions you should answer before making your purchase.

FUNCTION

If you’re fortunate enough to head out on an adventure filled journeys, ending up in exotic locales all over the country, then you might take some comfort in being able to hunker down in comfortable and familiar surroundings.  A pop-up camper can meet these needs perfectly, but there are a couple of aspects you may need to consider.

How many persons can sleep inside the pop-up camper?  Some campers can accommodate two to eight sleepers at a time. If you max the sleeping capacity, it can certainly be cozy, but that’s the price you’ll pay.

How much can you store inside? Length varies from ten feet up to as much eighteen feet and up to fourteen-floor plans for some models.  A reasonable amount of storage should be enough to keep your things organized.

Is it easy to tow using my car?  Pop-up campers are lightweight in general, so it is compatible with virtually any type of four-wheeled vehicle, especially those with limited towing capacity.  As pop-up campers are generally lightweight, the fuel economy of the vehicle is unlikely to be significantly impacted.  The low profile also means rear visibility is decent.

AMENITIES

This is where a trailer can up the ante over a normal tent- the creature comforts and features can be very attractive to a buyer.  After all, a pop-up camper will be your home away from home, if not your only home so it’s got to have the bells and whistles, and then some.

Does it come with a toilet?  Toilets are not usually available for the smaller models for obvious reasons.  For those that can accommodate one, it’s common to have a wet bathroom facility.  It’s like the bathrooms you will find in trains.  The shower head is almost directly above a waterproofed toilet so expect not only to clean yourself when taking a shower, but the entire room is likely to get wet. If you don’t like the extra hassle, there are even a few that have a separate shower and toilets.  Again, it’s unlikely that these shower rooms will be very large, but there should be room enough to store shampoos, soaps etc.

Does it have a kitchen and/or a living room?  Ok, let’s keep it real, a kitchenette and a sitting room maybe.  A small outdoor style kitchen can often be found on the side paneling. These may consist of a compact sink and a two to a four-burner stove.  A portable kind can also be placed inside on some models.  Even if you’re only equipped with a two burner stove, it can afford you the luxury of producing a range of homemade meals. Once you’ve been dining on takeaways and fast food for several days, the thought of a freshly made meal can be very appealing.  Additionally, having a sofa can be a great addition to entertain friends or serve as your retreat after a tiring hike in the wilderness.

Can it fit a refrigerator? If your pop-up camper can hold a refrigerator albeit the personal or mini kind, then that’s a big bonus.  When you’re choosing food to take on your camping trip, having the ability to keep frozen items frozen and fresh items cool can make a massive difference to the variety of foods you can take with you.  A cold drink on a hot day can also be a pleasant treat.

Does it come with beds?  Don’t expect a big, fluffy king-sized mattress.  Remember, you’re not staying in a fully-equipped five-star hotel room. It’s a camper, but you can still have a soft bed that is comfortable enough to give you and your family and/ or friends, a good night’s rest.  You can even upgrade the bedding with aftermarket alternatives such as memory foam or hybrid mattresses.

Can it accommodate an A/C and/ or heater?  An A/C unit during a hot summer and a heater on a cold winter freeze can offer much-needed comfort when the weather outside is less than clement.  Pop-up campers are more vulnerable to the conditions going on outside compared to any other RV.  If its hot outside, it’s likely to become very hot on the inside unless you can create sufficient airflow through the tent.  Likewise, if it’s cold outside, the temperature inside can quickly drop on the inside unless you can provide a source of heat.

DURABILITY

Just like any big purchase, you wouldn’t want to waste your money on something that will break only a few months if not weeks after you bought it.  It’s a good thing that pop-up campers can last a long time with the right care and attention, but you need to make sure you’re buying a reliable model.  Like anything else, there are occasional duds which you’ll want to avoid.  There are some questions you need to address when getting your camper:

Can I confidently drive it on the freeway without any concerns over its structural stability?

What happens when you’re camped out and it starts blowing a gale?

USER-FRIENDLY

The foldable feature of the camper itself should help in hinging and unhinging the trailer to your car without too much hassle.  However, assembling your pop-up camper from its folded state can be tedious.  It’s one of those things you need to know step by step using the owner’s manual, the more you use it, the more adept you’ll become at putting it up.  Practice makes perfect.  It might need some getting used to, but this is another important consideration for your purchase.

MAINTENANCE

For worry-free usage and confidence in its abilities, care and maintenance are necessary.  Aside from regular cleaning, you might be in for expensive repairs if it involves the camper flooring.  Ultimately, you must carry out routine checks on the waterproof canvas, checking out for wear and tear, holes or anything else that may impact it’s waterproofing.

Additionally, checks should also be carried out on the roof lift system, seals and tires.  Holes caused by abrasion are more prone to happen where the canvas meets the frame or where sections pivot, so pay special attention to these areas.  You can most probably do the minor repairs by yourself and consult a professional for the complicated issues.

APPEARANCE

Again, the fact that his camper is collapsible when on the move gives it a tidy and neat look when not in use.  When the trailer is unfolded, it’ll closely resemble a tent, which is not necessarily a bad thing.  You can even add custom touches to your camper to better match your personal styling preferences.

CONDITION

Should you buy a brand-spanking new model or a used but in good condition variant?  A used camper is not so much a bad idea for as long as the preceding buying factors are met.  If you have the skills and time to do so, a fixer-upper can also be a good choice, you might even be able to sell it for a profit once restored.  You must also check for any issues or imperfections on the following as well:

the physical condition of the entire vehicle

damage caused by moisture

heating and cooling systems should be in working order

fair selling price

But if you want to make a sound investment and have a solid budget for it, buying a new one makes more sense, most importantly if it’s going to rack up lots of mileage. That’s of course just my opinion.

POP-UP TRAILER VS OTHER RVS

There are different kinds of RVs catered to different buyers.  One type is the Trailer van which is a much sturdier version with its hard structure. So how does our humble pop-up camper hold up to the trailer van?  Let’s find out on this face-off:

PORTABILITY

Pop-up campers easily win this one.  The specially treated canvas is lightweight and folds when you’re on the road, making towing the entire thing a breeze.  Travel trailers with its metal walls, are fixed in size whether you’re camped out or traveling. They are a lot heavier and bulky in appearance.

STORAGE

You can easily store your pop-up camper when not in use, with some models even having a door lock for added security and peace of mind.  On the other hand, you might need to find a lot more space in your garage to accommodate your travel trailer or worse, you may even have to pay just for trailer storage.  Based on its compact size which makes for easier storing, It’s now 2 points for pop-up campers.

DRIVING

Aside from being lightweight, the low towing profile of the pop-up camper allows for regular driving routines you are already accustomed to.  As such, backing up is less of a problem because of its low height when collapsed, it does not block your vision.  When you are pulling an RV such as a travel trailer, you will need those special side mirrors to back up safely.  If only for this reason, the pop-up camper wins.

VERSATILITY

It’s safe to say that you can carry out most of your basic home activities such as cooking, showering, relaxing, sleeping, storing things etc. in both the pop-up camper and travel trailer. In terms of versatility, travel trailers have the edge over pop-up campers, they tend to have more amenities and are easier to use.

While we are clearly praising the benefits of a pop-up camper, they do have several shortcomings that are not present in a travel trailer.  I would say that pop-up campers are best suited for camping trips (glamping if you have a pimped-out model with extra perks) while travel trailers are for those who would want to go on long vacations and save money instead of booking hotels.  A travel trailer is more spacious and therefore has more capacity for luxurious amenities.  Travel trailers also require very little in the way of set up, most of the time you can just park up and with a small amount of effort you’re all set. They also tend to offer a little bit more of privacy because of its solid walls, which stop light as well as noise escaping.

And in case you’re wondering, you don’t need a special driving license or any additional training to be able to pull a pop-up camper.  Your existing license will suffice

We’re nearing our best pop-up camper picks, and I know you’re excited to know which campers have been included. At this point, you have been armed with basic knowledge on what you are buying, the good points, the bad points, what to expect and what the alternative RV options offer over a pop-up camper.  Now onto our top picks and the criteria we’ve used to score each of the options.

BEST POP UP CAMPERS REVIEW CRITERIA

selling price – Being the most expensive doesn’t always translate to top quality. We have chosen five brands that have excellent price points, a.k.a more bang for your buck.

functionality – We highlighted each camper’s salient features that make them so attractive to buyers. Brand A could have more storing capacity than Brand B, but Brand B has a four-burner stove while Brand A has two.

customer rating – Who better to have a say than the actual person who has tested it.  It is one thing to sell a nice product and another to have a sleuth of positive reviews and highly recommended product.

feedback from product experts – Information by people in-the-know is, valuable.  The technicalities are where it’s at and even laymen like us consumers need that understanding so we can appreciate the product even more.

We’ve spent countless hours and days researching this topic to provide you with the most comprehensive guide available.  As we’ve already discussed, we’ve had to talk to customers of the chosen campers as well as RV experts to balance objectivity in our review choices.  We also made use of online surveys to supplement our opinions and preconceptions.  I will highlight the buying and review criteria we laid out earlier on in this article, as well as through in a few observations and thoughts.

Our intention is to provide you with as much detail as possible to allow you to make your own informed decision as to which pop-up camper best suits your needs. So, without further ado, please read on for our top 5 recommended pop-up campers.

Jayco Jay Series Sports Camping Trailer

FUNCTION

The Jayco Jay Series Sport is arguably the best in terms of its functions and features.  It can pack a lot of punch within its frame and its fifteen-inch mud tires which are available on the Baja Package model are icing on the cake.  Towing is not a hassle given the ample ground clearance.  It doesn’t hurt having the retractable aluminum steps and a screen door that’s self-closing, either.

Thanks to its sturdy cabinetry, you can store as many pots and pans as you want, keeping your camper clean and organized. You can extend your space with an outdoor feel using an optional ten-by-twelve screen room and privacy panels. This way you can enjoy delicious meals and engaging conversations outside but still have the benefit of shelter from wind, rain, and sun.

AMENITIES

Talk about next level camper facilities- the Jayco Jay Series Sport boasts a kitchen with acrylic sink and faucet and stainless-steel stove which you can use either inside or outside. It comes with a hinged galley with a fridge which is pre-plumbed for added comfort.  There’s an option for four-inch heated bed mats as well as bunk lights and fans.

It has a curtained bathroom, a dinette with reversible cushions, and area prepped for your entertainment where you can place your flat screen TV and sound system.  Not to forget, a six-gallon water heater to enjoy your quick but relaxing hot shower.  With four floor plans that stretch to an unbelievable length of twenty-five feet, it’s features and amenities rival those of many motorhomes or travel trailers.

DURABILITY

The iron-clad warranty lasts for an impressive five years on parts and labor, which is a testament to Jayco Jay Series Sport’s reliability.  Its dome-styled roof is made of fiberglass and has Duratek material tents that resist mildew and repel water.  The windows are tinted with vinyl to protect from harmful rays and prevents cracking due to cold weather. The heavy-duty A-frame is Norco that neither corrodes nor scratches. Furthermore, the topnotch finishing’s on the embossed aluminum makes it suitable for any type of camp conditions.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

The lift system has wide lifter posts connecting to the tent which makes it simple to assemble.  It also has a leveling tongue jack and a retractable ladder made with sand pads allowing for easy entry into the camper.

APPEARANCE

The wall-to-wall vinyl floors is of premium quality and make this camper very attractive.  The coziness is even more evident with its jackknife sofa, booth dinette and a lounge area where you can hang out and relax.  The exterior of the Jayco Jay Series Sport appeals to the rustic and rugged as well as the picky and sophisticated buyer.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

The Jayco Jay Series Sport is on the top of our list which hits almost all the marks of a perfect, liveable pop-up camper.  It is made of high-quality materials that ensure its longevity.  We like the fact that it comes with a good-size screen room with privacy panels when you want to experience the outdoors while remaining within the camper.  You can stretch the length of the entire pop-up to twenty-five feet and that’s huge by camper standards.  Those waterproof Duratek tents are comforting especially during the adverse weather conditions, we love being inside a tent when it’s raining.

The mud tires and high ground clearance are perfect for rough terrain. We could use a bathroom especially when camped out and it has one. Assembly is fast, easy and uncomplicated, taking only a few minutes to go from trailer to fully assembled.  The 1050-pound rated bunk beds can accommodate a reasonable load to make your stay as convenient as possible.

There are only a few issues I can say about the Jayco Sport.  One of them is that it suits a small group or family better.  It could be tight if you have more people tagging along.  I wish towing could be smoother on rough roads which may need some adjusting. I can also say its durability may be challenged during inclement weather.

Forest River – Flagstaff Hard Side Pop-Up Camper

FUNCTION

You get the best of both worlds from the Forest River – Flagstaff Hard Side Pop-Up Camper.  It has hard walls comparable to many campers or travel trailers, yet it has pop-up qualities which keep it portable and convenient.  It’s very easy to tow and storage is straightforward. Having eight-floor plans allow for plenty of choices, The Forest River Flagstaff offers different variants to address different needs.  If you want to save on conventional batteries, the camper is also prepped for solar panels, which can save a lot of hassle when camping without powered lots.

AMENITIES

The Forest River Flagstaff has all the basics plus bonus modern conveniences. With the multiple floor plans, you can have a beautiful enclosed living room with maple interior.  As for the pre-plumbed kitchen, it features a high-rise faucet and double-pan sink similar to those you can find in a regular house.  Aside from the three-burner stove, you also have your microwave for quick reheating of your leftovers.  Water supply is ensured with its pump on the underside.

Your entertainment is provided by the presence of a TV outlet cable, satellite hookup, USB ports, WIFI booster and ranger, detachable power cord plus converter and safety breaker to keep your appliances safe.  You can enjoy your zzzzs on quilted bed mattresses with an option for heated bed mats. Attend to your bathroom needs with its hard wall shower and residential-type toilet.

DURABILITY

The high-grade materials used in the construction of this camper assures its long-term use and appeal without fear of wear and tear. It also comes with multiple specific warranties on roof, floor, frame, tent, suspension and lifter system.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

The fiberglass vacuum exterior, powder-coated steel frame and four EZ Crank Down Stabilizer jacks with sand pads will make setting up a breeze.  You can be camped out in style without much effort.

APPEARANCE

The combination of the best features from a typical travel trailer and a pop-up camper improve the overall look of the Forest River Flagstaff.  The hard walls, large, tinted rear roof, and windows give it a homier feel. This also allows more natural light and airflow, which make your stay comfortable and gives the impression of larger accommodation.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

I’m happy to declare the Forest River Flagstaff Hard Side Pop-up camper as one of the best out there. As mentioned, the durable hard side walls and its folding top merge the great qualities of a trailer and a pop-up.  We like how the entire camper is prepped to accommodate many gadgets and appliances to make your camping comfortable and effortless. The linoleum floors with a wooden design plus two-toned seats make the Flagstaff look even more beautiful inside.  The availability of eight different floor plans provides plenty of options to the buyer.  Another plus is the nice bathroom which I consider the best I’ve seen in a pop-up camper

The disadvantage of the Forest River is not having the flexibility of a camper style where you can arrange your interior whichever way you want because of the hard side walls.   This will depend however on your personal preference as some might be ok with having a fixed floor plan.  Comparing it to the Jayco Jay Series Sport, it does not have mud tires, so it’s less capable camping off the beaten track.  However, you can always opt for a third-party tire to overcome this restriction.  The pop-up camper also lacks a private screen room where you can hang out outside but still within the camper territory.

LivinLite – QuickSilver Tent Camper

FUNCTION

The LivinLite QuickSilver Tent Camper offers a wide range of features that you might be looking for in a highly reliable pop-up camper. The price is lower than most yet features many convenient amenities, it could very well be the most affordable luxury pop-up camper there is.  You can comfortably sleep three to six happy campers within its length, which stretches to twenty feet and a height of eight feet with some floor plans.

Speaking of floor plans, there are four to choose from, so there should be something to meet your requirements.  The 12-inch tires will provide you with ample stability on the road.  As for storing items, you have several under-seat storage provisions made of thermoformed plastic which make great use of the space available.

AMENITIES

The LivinLite QuickSilver comes prepped for appliances and upgrades such that you can easily make it your own style preferences and needs.  You can add a variety of creature comforts such as air conditioning unit, awnings, awning room, LP furnace, stove, storage deck, residential kitchen countertop, privacy curtains, among others.  On the technical aspect, you can go for electric brakes, higher road clearance, as well as all-terrain 15-inch tires for better road performance.

Default facilities include aluminum cabinets, composite countertops, vinyl cushions, fans on 2 bunk rooms, electricity outlets, hand pump sink, and water tank. If you’re not content with the basics, you can choose from any number of packages that increase the usefulness of the pop-up camper.

DURABILITY

It is amazing that despite its lightweight construction, an all-tubular aluminum frame with vacuum walls can withstand all sorts of adverse weather conditions and they’ve been proven to be resistant to wear and tear.  The composite laminate materials on the exterior are resistant to both water and mold.  The LivinLite QuickSilver has a heavy-duty tent with zippered windows and emergency exits at the bed areas.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

Again, its lightweight properties due to aluminum materials account for its tow ability and maneuverability even by small cars.  Transforming it into a campsite can be uncomplicated with the swivel jack on tongue, pre-wired Furrion Solar and front/ rear stabilizer jacks.

APPEARANCE

You are assured to find a LivinLite QuickSilver that suits your aesthetic preferences, the trailer is available in over six-color configurations. When you’re towing the camper, it’s not at all distracting, as it folds into a neat package which is easy to tow as any other small trailer.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

If you are looking to buy a pop-up camper that’s friendly on the budget but has endless possibilities, the Livinlite QuickSilver could be your best choice.  I like the composite countertops, laminate flooring, aluminum cabinetry and residential Freeze/Crack-Proof Linoleum which are all very practical to use.  I could fit more stuff into it thanks to the under-seat Thermoformed compartments that have more storage capacity than you might first realize. And because you didn’t spend as much on buying the camper, it means that you might be able to stretch to more luxury addons and amenities without fear of breaking the bank.  I would get air conditioning, extra ground clearance, 15-inch tires, storage deck, seven-way plug and stove top, so I don’t miss anything.  However, the choice is obviously yours.

However, it could use some improvements on the towing features.  I also think that setup is a bit complicated, if it’s your first pop-up caper, it might take a bit of getting used to.

Going back to the Jayco Jay Series, it does not have a screen room as a standard- but you can buy it separately for an additional fee, of course.

Coachmen – Clipper And Viking Camping Trailer

FUNCTION

Coachmen’s Clipper and Viking Camping trailer is one of the nicest out there with its towing procedure made easy by an aerodynamic profile. This pop-up camper has fourteen different floor plans, which provides an incredible amount of choice and options. It can comfortably fit up to seven persons making it a great option for families or group of friends.  You can store your extra baggage in the super sliding storage trunk as an option.

AMENITIES

Camping inside the Clipper and Viking trailer feels relaxing and comfortable given the standard facilities.  Aside from the high-density Serta beds, several models of the Clipper and Viking have a built-in shower, Thetford toilet, furnace, privacy drapes, countertops, swing galley and drawer, Bluetooth stereo, acrylic sink, among many others.   If you’re still looking for more items, you can always add air conditioning, a solar panel, screen room, etc.  You’ll never have to miss out anything that you thought you can only have in a typical home.

DURABILITY

The chassis being equipped with a tubular steel frame, Wide Trac Ultralube Spring and torsion Axles relieve you of any worries about the camper’s sturdiness.  Driving with the Clipper and Viking is pleasant because of the electric brakes, radial tires and Goshen Lift System with Double Arms.  The laminated exterior is quite assuring that your camper will stay with you for a long time.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

This pop-up camper features a Glide-n-Lock Cable Supported Bed System among its state-of-the-art inclusions for easy set-up.  The roof is controlled by a Dual Drive Winch by Canimex that when used with a power drill, raising and lowering the roof will only take a few seconds.

APPEARANCE

The Clipper and Viking camping trailer has that wow factor when you see the cabinets with walnut finish among others.  They paid attention to the littlest details so that you wouldn’t have to look for anything else.  Folds easily so towing it on the road is not an eyesore for other motorists.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

We, including other customers of this pop-up camper, are happy with all the facilities that come with the purchase.  I consider this one of those top luxury pop-up campers in the market.  The lightweight but aesthetically pleasing design is attractive to buyers.  You also get to enjoy the many things you can do with the fourteen-floor plans and be able to bring many companions with you and not feel too cramped inside.  You will barely need to adjust to staying in this camper because it still feels homey with all the modern conveniences it can carry.  On the vehicle performance, the electric brakes, aluminum rims, radial tires are welcome additions.

While it has a lot of useful features, the Clipper and Viking Camping trailer, however, is slightly more expensive than its direct competition.  It also is quite unreliable during extreme weather.  And if I want to nitpick some more, the few color options might put off some buyers.

Aliner& Somerset – NewPort

FUNCTION

The Aliner & Somerset Newport camper only has simplicity in its mind, therefore, pegged as a cheap option for consumers who are not fans of ultra-modern facilities.  Despite its simple overall design with its one and only floor plan, it manages to deliver the goods, especially for the rustic adventurer.

The large tires provide a higher ground clearance and handle various terrain quite well. Storage is in a flip-up gallery and can fit a lot of the things you may need.  The camper can provide refuge for the night for up to six individuals with its two 4-inch mattresses.  In case you blow up one of your tires, a spare tire comes in handy.

AMENITIES

While the Aliner & Somerset Newport is anything but luxurious compared to the other pop-up campers on this list, it offers important basics to stay true to the authentic camping experience.  You have a decent-sized dinette that can transform into a 39 X 59- inch bed. You also have the standard equipment such as a toilet, double burner with cover, galley, LED lights, privacy drapes, and a portable 5-gallon water tank to help address your daily essentials.

DURABILITY

This camping trailer offers Galvanized Steel Side Body Panels and insulated roofing to protect you from the elements.  The stainless-steel lift system assures road safety of your vehicle.

USER-FRIENDLINESS

Given the simplicity of the Aliner & Somerset Camping trailer, setting it up as a campsite will be a breeze.  It is perhaps the easiest to transform among the pop-up campers on our list here.

APPEARANCE

This trailer looks good given its affordable price point.

PRODUCT REVIEW SUMMARY

Anybody who is money-conscious and prefer basic. straightforward features will love this pop-up camper. I like the convertible dinette that can turn into a child’s bed which is very efficient. It is spacious enough to accommodate two 4-inch thick beds and has plenty of storage with its several cabinets inside. It’s great that it has a two-burner stove with cover, so you can still cook your family recipes while you’re camped out.  The large tires and extra ground clearance are perfect for handling the muddy terrain.

Now if you are used to premium amenities, the Aliner & Somerset Newport is not for you.  Objectively speaking though, the cheap quality of construction materials remains a big advantage regardless if you are an extravagant buyer or not.  As such, it will not be ideal for those who intend to use it frequently for camping trips.

TOP 5 POP-UP CAMPERS QUICK REFERENCE

Jayco Jay Series Sport Camping Trailer

sleeps two to seven persons

has four-floor plans

up to eighteen feet in length

closed length of about 11.7 feet

a closed height of about 4.9 feet

Flagstaff Hard Side Pop-Up Campers

sleeps two to eight persons

has eight-floor plans

up to nineteen feet in length

closed length of about 17 feet

a closed height of about 5 feet

LivinLite – QuickSilver Tent Camper

sleeps two to six persons

has four-floor plans

up to seventeen feet in length

closed length of about 10 feet

a closed height of about 4 feet

Clipper And Viking Camping Trailer

sleeps two to seven persons

has fourteen-floor plans

up to twenty-two feet in length

closed length of about 12.9 feet

a closed height of about 4.5 feet

Aliner& Somerset – NewPort

sleeps two to six persons

has one-floor plan

up to eighteen feet in length

closed length of about 13 feet

a closed height of about 4.10 feet

LAST WORD

There you have it, five of the most sought-after pop-up campers in today’s market.  I’m sure there are more alternatives available but I’m confident to tell you that the campers are the best options out there. We have factored in buyer considerations such as function, amenities, durability, user-friendliness, and appearance for each pop-up camper on the list.  And we have proven to you that a product need not be the most expensive to be regarded as one of the best.  It’s about getting your money’s worth.

When something is expensive but justified by its purpose and quality, that’s a good buy.  We tried to cover the need of all buyers- from the thrifty to the extravagant.  While I could be biased in saying that you can use this comprehensive article as your only guide in buying your own pop-up camper, it is still best to check out the corresponding websites of each manufacturer for more granular info.  I can only hope that I was able to positively contribute to your buying decision. Should you finally purchase the camper of your dreams, fill us in with your experiences by using the comments section below.

crowsurvival.com

The post Best Pop Up Campers Our Top 5 appeared first on Crow Survival.

source https://www.crowsurvival.com/best-pop-up-campers/