#i think i just need to go to the gym and then eat some pasta i think that would cure me

[disengaged]

i am stronger than logging back in to MPA

[beatrixstonehill2]

"I can't believe this is happening to me! It's so disgusting I can't stand it. And to make matters worse my big sweaty cock gets harder and more needy with every pound I pile on. When I started transitioning I was so hot. Perfect, really. My cock was only one inch. I was thinking of having the tiny thing removed, maybe. But my many boyfriends seemed to like rubbing it and slapping it as they came in my tight, perky ass. Everything was going so well! I was the girl I always dreamed of being, ultra girly, putting most cis girls to shame with how traditionally feminine I was, absolutely filthy, always down 100% of the time to please any guy that wanted me. Anywhere in public, I was never a prude. If a man lifted my skirt or dress to fuck my ass in public, I'd lift it higher for them and tell them to go as hard as they want. If a guy exposed himself at me and jerked off, I'd rush over to suck him off or offer my ass. I was the perfect girl! And then this happened.....

So, guys love to dote on girls they date. And I, boy crazy as I was, loved going on dates with as many boys as possible. Multiple times a day. I didn't really think my love of taking boys on dates out very much. More proof I'm a perfect girl--I'm pretty ditzy and stupid..... I was taking each boy out and they'd have one meal and that's it. I'd go from eating pizza, to bottomless pasta bowls, to a Chinese buffet, to all-you-can-eat wings. I couldn't very well disappoint my dates and not put on a show. Men love a dirty, pretty girl who can keep up with their eating, and drinking! I of course drank whole pitchers of beer with most meals. I started noticing I was getting kind of messy. I wouldn't wipe my face or hands off as eagerly, staying as pretty as possible mattered less than putting on a show and stuffing my face for these guys, knowing it made their cocks soooo hard to see me overeat!

I began belching, sometimes even drinking so much beer I'd soil myself, and just giggle about it. Overeating made me so horny. But I didn't realize how badly I was neglecting my feminine side..... I started forgetting my estrogen, I ate so much red meat and other foods it triggered my body to release testosterone. My cock started getting big, so did my testicles. Soon, I, this once petite pretty girl, was pushing 200lbs, hung bigger than most men that fucked me. My erections became impossible to hide. Worse yet, I'd ejaculate prematurely as the worst times. Like some horny junior high kid, I'd talk to a cute guy, and instead of being in control, sexy, dominant and confident in my body, I'd be chubby, sweaty, stuttering, and ejaculate mid conversation with no warning, having to apologize.....

Men still loved it, and found the grosser, fatter version of me equally as hot, but now a new issue arose..... The men that took me out on dates and fucked me weren't just gym dudes who liked to see a woman keep up once in a while, these guys wanted me fatter. I wasn't eating five meals a night like before. I was eating four or five meals at one restaurant, then I'd get picked up by the next guy and have to force down another four or five. I've gone from 210lbs to 340lbs in just six months. I'm ballooning so fast none of my old cute clothes fit. Nothing does. I wear clothes a few sizes bigger now because I know I'm just going to get fatter. It makes me so hard thinking of how fat and disgusting I'm becoming. I don't need my hands to cum at all, I just need to stuff my face and picture myself double this size and my fouteen-inch monster cock shoots rope after rope of cum, which I don't bother cleaning. I reek of semen and sweat all the time and my boyfriends love how bad I stink.....

I used to dance and be super active, fuck with loads of energy. Now I just gorge myself, making gross moans, belching and farting constantly, bathing only a couple times a month.... I don't really do my hair or makeup or try to look cute. I'm just a fat slob. I eat as men fuck me. I hardly move. If I try to ride them they stop me and tell me not to burn any excess calories. I just get chauffeured from date to date, eat so much I occasionally puke all over my big fat gut, only to order more and keep eating. I get fucked as I keep eating. I'm not a cute, sexy girl anymore. I never will be again. I'm a disgusting whale. A blimp, getting bigger every day, piling on as much lard as possible to please all of my feeders. Someday I'll be immobile, and they'll probably take turns caring for me as I stuff my face, hooked up to oxygen, my heart pounding through my chest. My cock over twenty inches long but so buried in lard it probably just looks like feminine little nub again. I'll have no choice but to get as fat as I possibly can, to satisfy their cocks, and my own..... I know it's my destiny. I already get completely winded just walking up one flight of stairs. My heart pounds like I ran a marathon, my belly and saggy tits drenched in sweat. I'm so disgusting. But I have no choice..... Like I said, I'm the perfect girl, I'm only interested in being exactly what other boys want me to be. And if boys want me to be a giant pile of moaning lard? A good girl like me has no choice....."

[chaoscharme]

Self Care Activities that Actually Help

My list of practical, achievable and useful self care tips that will actually improve your mood instead of enabling you to wallow.

Reply to your correspondence

Often if we feel low or our motivation is down, we find it tricky to respond to messages and calls from others. This allows unopened messages to pile up which creates stress and even panic. Instead of trying to ignore this problem, set a timer for 15 minutes. Then give yourself those 15 minutes to respond to as many of those messages as possible, starting with the most urgent messages first. If you cannot complete all the messages, take a minute to reevaluate. Can you give yourself another 15 minutes to finish the task today? If not, that’s fine. Assign the task for tomorrow, and repeat the process when you feel refreshed. If you are not able to give a thorough response to all of your contacts, I recommend drafting a universal message to send, stating that you are currently occupied and you hope to offer them a more appropriate message over the coming days. You can tailor this message to suit your needs and circumstances, and it reduces the amount of pressure on you to offer explanations for your absences.

Wash your clothes

Take the clothes you are wearing off. All of them. Strip your bed. Gather up any towels or tea cloths you can find. Wash them all. I cannot overstate the benefit of living in a clean environment, and wearing clean clothes. Even if you can’t wash everything, wash the essentials, and make sure you are wearing fresh clothes from head to toe. You can swap pyjamas out for more pyjamas, what you wear doesn’t matter. Just make sure they’re clean.

Water

Drink a pint of water with nothing added, no fruit, no cordial, nothing. Just drink a pint of water in one sitting. You are almost definitely dehydrated, just like everyone else. Hydration provides mental clarity, energy, and even relives stress. It reduces pains and aches in the body. It helps quell nausea and heartburn. Water is the quickest and easiest way to reduce physical pain or discomfort throughout the day. By keeping hydrated, you’re improving your quality of life almost instantly.

Stretch in bed or on the sofa

The last thing most of us want to do when we feel low or unmotivated is going for a run, or working out at the gym. Instead of pushing yourself to get a serious or intense workout in, try some stretches you can do from the comfort of your bed or sofa. Stretches will help relieve tension in the body and can increase your energy throughout the day. You don’t have to do anything crazy, just a couple of simple, effective stretches will do the trick.

Eat a “healthy” carb

People so often try to avoid eating carbs as they think carbohydrates are inherently unhealthy. This is simply not the case. While carbohydrates are often used in the production of unhealthy treats such as cakes, cookies and pies, they are not fundamentally bad for you. Carbs are our main source of energy, and if you’re feeling low energy is exactly what you need. Try eating a healthier alternative to those instant sugar rush carbs, such as rice, wholemeal pastas or breads, potatoes or oats. You can add other ingredients to these meals, such as berries to oats or some veg to pasta, to make a more filling meal. Everyone eats differently, but we all need carbohydrates in our diet to provide energy and nutrition, alongside other food groups. Creating a balanced diet is much more important than eating “healthy” all the time. Respect your body by fuelling it appropriately and regularly.

Clean yourself as best you can

Have a shower. Take your makeup off. Brush your hair. Clip your nails. Put deodorant on. Brush your teeth. Wash your hands. You might not have the energy for a full “everything shower” but you can probably do one of the things listed above to make yourself feel better about yourself and your hygiene. Don’t berate yourself if you’ve gone a while without practicing any of these for a while, life can be pretty difficult. Just accept your current situation and try to better it as best you can with the energy you now have.

Please reach out to a trusted person or a qualified professional if you feel you need extra support for any reason. You are not alone and you do not need to suffer in silence. Support is there.

Mwah, Chaoscharme

[sunflowerhae]

The Flops™️

Y/n

A 22 year old professional dumb ass with a side gig in being comedic relief. Y/n is easy to understand; she loves video games, loves her cat, and loves pasta. And well..MAYBE she loves her fans too. Y/n is what you could call an “unstoppable force”. She’s going up in the online entertainment world, and has no plans on stopping soon. After having JUST passed her 4 million subscriber milestone on YouTube, y/n believes her life is just near perfect. Which is exactly why God needed to humble her, she thinks. Because WHO kicks someone out of their apartment (3 months before their lease ends, might I add) because of a “miscommunication” if not compelled to by God Himself. So, now Y/n has to move all of her things..AGAIN..to a new place…AGAIN…and pray to God (who we’ve found does NOT have a soft spot for her) that this one sticks - at least for a little bit. Everyone around y/n quickly learns that it’s not her who’s the comedic relief, but instead her life which is so ridiculous, that you can’t help but laugh.

Giselle

Giselle has two main interests. She is a fan of music, and a fan of y/n. She got the music part covered by being one of Korea’s leading superstars. AND she has the y/n part covered by being y/n’s absolute ULTIMATE best friend. When she’s not hypnotizing a whole country with her melodies, she’s dreaming of hanging out with her friends and, maybe hot Greek men. But be careful! This kitty bites, and if you poke too hard at her, you’ll understand why they say she has claws.

Winter

When winter isn’t focusing on her (some would call it) obsession with animal crossing, she’s focusing on her blossoming career in the mukbang community. If you can name it, Winter can eat it. She’s still pretty new, but she’s gaining a steady following by her charming personality and, quite frankly, insane ability to hound a plate of food faster than you can utter an insult. It of course doesn’t hurt her new following that she’s good friends with some of the most influential people of her generation, but that doesn’t mean much to her. With a laugh and bite - winter is a happy girl.

Jisung

Jisung would never call himself a streamer. Sure, he plays video games for people to watch. Sure, he gets viewer numbers up to the thousands. SURE, he makes money off it and has a weekly upload schedule. But no, Jisung would NEVER call himself a streamer. So y/n does it for him! You might think the whole “bicker like siblings” thing is an act for the camera, but that’s just the nature of these two friends. When she’s not nagging him about how much he eats and yet never goes to the gym, Jisung fills the space by laughing and bullying y/n’s gameplay choices. Some newbies are convinced they actually hate each other, but OG’s know these two love each other fiercely, the difference is they show it in their own..unique..way.

Jaemin

Ah..Jaemin. The irony of Jaemin befalls all his friends. He is, by far, the most outgoing one of the bunch. Jaemin sees a new person as a new opportunity for a friend. He laughs in the face of introverts, while also hugging them and giving them a free bag of chips. Jaemin knows just what to say, and just when to say it. And it pains them all that he’s the ONLY “normal” one of the group. Jaemin is currently studying business at SNU, hoping to one day open a cat cafe. His nonchalance towards being in the most envied and admired friend group of their country confuses Jaemins classmates. And what confuses them even more is that, when asked if he feels lucky to be friends with them, his reply is only, “those idiots? More like what crimes did I commit in my last life to be cursed to know them”. But fear not for little old Jaemin, for he is probably the sneakiest of the lot. And if you don’t know what I mean, I’m sorry, but it’s already too late for you.

Jeno

Jeno is a model. It’s really that simple. Jeno is a model - and also so much more. He’s Jaemins best friend, he’s winters boyfriend, he’s the “glue” of the group (as y/n would put it), and he’s just genuinely a nice person. If you have an issue with anything - he’s there. A leak in your roof? Call Jeno. You’re missing a final ingredient for a recipe you’ve been dying to try? Jeno will find it, or die trying! Need a shoulder to cry on after a nasty breakup? Jeno is at yours with a tissue one minute, and an undisclosed location with a gun and some rope in the next. He’s the fiercest and loyalist friend you’ll ever have; who just so happens to be a model.

GG! (Good Game!) 👾

Notes: does anybody actually read my character descriptions bc I actually think I popped off w these ngl. Also not them being a hype house lowkey (without the house part)

☆ Masterlist ☆

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[ego-meliorem-esse]

do u think the na bros would be those siblings that can tell when the other is in A Mood? like, one is feeling some kind of Aggressive and the other is like, "aight, gym time, lets beat the shit out of each other before we do it to someone else" n then get a beer, or one is feeling some kind of Odd and the other is like "aight, outside time, leaving everything aside and we just Exist until you feel like talking" or smth idk

In my experience the best way to console a brother is have em come over and or visit them and just exist in the same space until they are willing to communicate. If Alfred is in a mood, Matt will talk a lot. To himself if he has to since Alfred hates being in silence. Matt would just narrate everything he does and Alfred would just listen. It's not their usual dynamic but thats what works.

Matt: i was thinking we just watch an Adam sander movie until the foods gets here. Do you want something specific to eat? I was thinking kfc. We haven't had kfc in a while.

Alfred:

Matt: no you're right, let's just get pasta. I'll just go get my phone. Be back in 30 seconds, don't die.

Alfred: ok

Matt: no actually i will just use your phone. Do you still have the same lock? Oh nvm i got it! So you're getting the carbonara?

Alfred:

Matt: hmm no thats fine we can get the mac n cheese. Oh look they have a discount!

And If Matt is in a certain mood, Alfred is sitting beside his bro in total silence handing him water or soda or beer or wine every 10 or so minutes. Alfred is not usually silent but even he recognises that Matt needs companionship not noise at that point. It is very uncomfortable for him not talking but for Matt I believe he can manage.

<3

[the-brainrot-central]

Thoughts on Diavolo getting preg? :3

Anon you are wonderful omg. I feel like realistically he would probably get an abortion but for sake of fun I HAVE SOME HEADCANONS!!!

No more weed :((( he uses it occasionally for migraines and anxiety but now he’s gonna have to rawdog that shit. His pregnancy can be pretty tough sometimes, he has a few migraine episodes during this time

An absolute emotional MESS, his mood swings are all over the place and Kira has to talk him down from a ledge constantly. Mainly anxiety, anger, sadness and euphoria, just an alternating dial of those four with an occasional (rare) moment of peace

Craves lots of Italian food of course, especially stuff with a ton of carbs like pizzas, pastas, etc (I don’t know much about Italian food tbh). kira has to start learning to cook new dishes he’s never made before to fullfil his cravings, but he enjoys the challenge :) And seeing Diavolo smile when he eats his cooking is always worth it

He feels really guilty and starts ruminating on an existential level about his pregnancy—the fact that he’s hurt and killed so many people, and now thinks that he has the right/capacity to have a baby and love it. He feels lots of regret and guilt. He had some of these kinds of thoughts during Kira’s pregnancy, but they were much easier to ignore at that time—mainly because he wasn’t the one carrying. But now that he’s the pregnant one, it’s like a constant reminder of all these thoughts and what he’s done to people, which makes it hard to cope with.

Diavolo doesn’t like crying, as he finds it embarrassing, so usually doppio comes out to cry for him—he’s much more open about his feelings and okay with being vulnerable, especially in front of Kira.

His anger issues get particularly intense, so he starts going back to the gym again to vent his rage—beats the absolute shit out of the punching bag. He doesn’t want to subject Trish or Kira to his outbursts, he refuses to hurt them like that. Still, he does occasionally snap and yells at them over small things, but he always apologizes.

Kira, having extra empathy of what he’s going through, is super super thoughtful and doting on him bc he knows how hard it is sometimes, especially for someone like Diavolo whose too shy and stubborn to communicate his needs

While he doesn’t mind dressing femme, he thinks most maternity wear is tacky and ugly, so he mostly just buys plus size men’s and women’s clothes (which are frustratingly difficult to obtain, living in Japan; he’s already bigger and taller than most Japanese brands accommodate for, so being pregnant is even more of a struggle). Sometimes he borrows some of Kiras shirts he wore when he was pregnant (he kept some of them to use as nightshirts lol)

Doppio likes coming out more than Dia, he likes having a baby bump and is very lovey dovey about the baby, meanwhile Diavolo is generally kind of miserable and grouchy when he fronts, and very insecure with his body

⚠️NSFW⚠️ Diavolo is horny as FUCCKKJ and him and Kira get it on pretty often (when Trish isn’t around of course annsndn). He’s extra kinky while pregnant, likes to tie kira up and maybe spank him a bit 🤭🫣

But when his belly gets bigger, he gets really insecure in the bedroom and they don’t have sex for the rest of his pregnancy bc he just feels really unattractive in bed ☹️Refuses to even let Kira see him shirtless at all anymore he’s so insecure. Kira is upset about this (he wants to fuck jajsjdj and he also LOVES Dia’s pregnant body 🥺) but he understands and is willing to hold off until he feels comfortable again.

[iantimony]

oopsie, two missed tuesdays!

and i almost missed this one too!!!! i was moving apartments. ough. this is a random mishmash of everything i remember of the past .. three ?? ??? weeks.

listening: finished s1 of the silt verses! faulkner is my poor little meow meow etc. i am rotating it in my brain. will have more thoughts next week probably.

some fugazi because they were referenced in a mina le video on merch and i was intrigued. they're good!

fugazi waiting room

brat charli xcx on recommendation of beloved mutual png jpeg. i liked it, i don't normally go for her style but there's some good earworms in here. really good gym album. not sure which specific song to drop here because it was a Full Album experience imo.

in terms of relistening/older stuff, the dear hunter antimai, more franz ferdinand. finally listened to sound & fury by sturgill simpson all the way through, it's really good. boyf also got me to listen to die antwoord and ohhh i do like this. a lot.

i fink u freeky (die antwoord)

also more bionicle playlist. it's just a dose of early 00's-10's music delivered via iv directly into my bloodstream. sorry.

reading: this was from a few weeks ago actually but i forgot about it. we stopped over in pittsburgh for a night and briefly entertained the idea of going to a museum or something road-trip style and found this museum review. surprisingly she is not a lesbian.

and then related to the watching, wikipedia pages for victor ninov and darleane c hoffman!

watching: mina le: the merch industry has gone too far, WAGs, blokecore, and the “feminization” of sports

swell entertainment: the marketability of celebrity eras, how to destroy your audience's trust

started dangelo wallace's ozempic video. the fatphobia had me tapping out pretty quick tho. also watched about half of joy achill's "the george r r martin problem" about asoiaf stuff, gonna finish it tomorrow i think

watched "the man who tried to fake an element" with the boyf, really fascinating, i knew a little bit of it from one of my undergrad classes but this was a really good deep dive.

also watched two episodes of space dandy with the boyf. so much to unpack there.

playing: more dnd but otherwise fallow. made a little dungeon crawl type thing so that's pretty straightforward.

making: coasters mostly right now! the main ones are a Surprise so i will not be posting them yet. instead look at my worm

i've also started knitting a magic the gathering card sleeve as a semi-gag gift for a friend. it's really really stupid i love it so much. it is just ten rows of a rectangle in stockinette right now but i'm going to mock up a little texture work to get the swamp land symbol in the back.

eating: did a lot of takeout right after moving because, Yeah, but i finally started settling back in to home cooked meals. made my favorite orzo salad for a temple potluck, an ungodly amount of gyudon, and a garlic butter shrimp pasta thing.

misc: my new apartment is good!! the insulation isn't great, i know i'll have to shrinkwrap some windows this winter for Sure, but overall i'm settling in. i have a lot of organization and purging to do, especially of my House Clothes, craft supplies, and makeup/beauty shit, and i need to get one or two pieces of furniture still (like a couch......i have a funny little bachelor chair in front of the couch right now which is very funny). i got myself some fun plants from the farmers market as a housewarming gift to myself. i am finally the owner of a monstera, yippee, she Really needs a repot though. i also got a hoya lisa because i liked the name and it was cute and cat friendly and i got a vaguely labia-adjacent succulent. i have so many little household Needs and Tasks (mat for in front of the sink! blackout curtains because i have to sleep with an eye mask right now because the blinds dont do shit! etc!) and also every grocery bill i do is like $100 because of getting kitchen essentials that will not run out any time soon but that i do need (white vinegar. aluminum foil. flour.) so everything is so expensive. this is a big wall of text. at least the spare mattress is out of my weird haunted hallway now <3 i'm very excited to start hanging up my art.

[destinyc1020]

Yeah, Tom likes to work out but he doesn't like to have to follow the strict regimen needed to be bulky. He also talked about during FFH press when he said his body looked better in HOCO even though he was bulkier in FFH because it's easier to look shredded when you are not bulky. I still remember some fans complaining that he didn't look shredded when he went to Hawaii in January 2019, saying that Tom needed to get back in the gym. Many young male actors develop body dysmorphia issues due to the need to look so muscular. Zac Efron has talked about this and how happy he was when he didn't have to eat just grilled skinless chicken breast and steamed broccoli and could eat a slice of pizza or a bowl of pasta

Yeah, Tom likes to work out but he doesn't like to have to follow the strict regimen needed to be bulky. He also talked about during FFH press when he said his body looked better in HOCO even though he was bulkier in FFH because it's easier to look shredded when you are not bulky.

Yep, I remember Tom saying that! He didn't have time to shred his body for FFH, so he didn't feel like he looked his best in that film.

I personally thought his body looked fine?? But I guess we're all harder on ourselves.... 🤷🏾‍♀️

I still remember some fans complaining that he didn't look shredded when he went to Hawaii in January 2019, saying that Tom needed to get back in the gym. Many young male actors develop body dysmorphia issues due to the need to look so muscular. Zac Efron has talked about this and how happy he was when he didn't have to eat just grilled skinless chicken breast and steamed broccoli and could eat a slice of pizza or a bowl of pasta

Yea, I HATE when fans do stuff like that, because it's so not helpful OR kind. 😔

I don't think fans realize just how much hard WORK and dedication it takes for these actors to totally transform their bodies to look a certain way for a particular role. And usually, they're not given that much time to do it either, so they're usually only given a few months to totally change their bodies, and that can be rough! I remember Taylor Lautner saying also that he ended up having some body image issues after he had played the role of Jacob in the "Twilight" series (who's all super buff and muscular) and then him not being able to maintain that insane type of body 24/7, and fans being really hard on him for it. 😔 He ended up going through a bit of depression.

FF to Min. 18:30..... Taylor starts talking about how men struggle with body image issues as well, and how being in the Twilight franchise led to him struggling with that and mental health issues...along with the insane expectations fans had of him and his body. 😔

I don't think fans realize how much what they say online can really hurt some actors feelings and make them feel insecure. 😭

[starlightswan]

𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐨𝐚𝐥𝐬 *ੈ✩‧₊˚

i love when months start on a sunday, it just feels like the perfect time for new beginnings. i've got a trip coming up the first week of september, as well as another trip in october, so i'm anticipating these two months to be big spending months ;-;

i've finally accepted that i can't instantly make my life *aesthetic*, and that i need to make little changes first in order for the big picture to come together. that being said, here are some of the things i want to improve on for this month.

start walking 10k steps a day — going to a gym is incredibly intimidating for me but i love taking walks, so i think this is the perfect way to get some light cardio (and sunshine) into my day-to-day life.

eat at home more — i've been seeing these girls on tiktok making dense bean salads and pasta salads, and they look sooo good. dense bean salads would add so much (needed) protein into my diet, and pasta salad just looks so tasty and easy to make.

start budgeting properly — most of my money right now goes towards eating out (especially since i treat my friends most of the time), so i need to get a firmer grasp on how much i can spend on other random little trinkets (smiskis).

ok that's all, i'm starting small this month :D

[lucky-clover-gazette]

Ohh I've always wanted to start mealprepping but I get so demotivated finding what I want to eat for a whole week, do you maybe have any tips on how to get into it?

you, my friend, have just opened pandora's fridge

soooo i started meal prepping in march of this year at the same time as switching to an office job from retail and starting to go the gym. these decisions were for weight loss reasons (and have been very successful! i look and feel so good!) but i am immediately going to emphasize that there are a lot of benefits to meal prepping besides intentional weight loss. so much of what i've been doing would be the same if you were not trying to lose weight, you just wouldn't be thinking about like calorie deficits when choosing recipes (and if you're interested in weight loss, calories in calories out is your friend. set a reasonable number per day and pay attention to your body. if you're hungry, you're lowballing it. slow progress that sticks is better than fast progress that doesn't).

meal prepping can be really advantageous financially (and could be done less expensively than i do it tbh, i'm a sucker for the farmer's market), and as someone with adhd who lives alone it's incredible for my mental health. the way i meal prep is very structured around 1) my 8-4 weekday job and 2) the gym, so you'll need to figure out how to tailor that based on your schedule and interests.

all that aside, i'm super passionate about this and i've been learning so much these past months! i'm no expert and i was awful at cooking before (only ate frozen meals, snacks, and takeout honestly) but i feel like my relationship with food is the best it's even been in my life. food is GOOD. food that you've made with your own hands, that you've invested your time and effort in, is sosososo special. and if it sucks, at least you're learning what NOT to do! i have like a 85% success rate, and maybe 50-60% recipes are good enough to repeat.

i really treasure this entire ritual, even though it may seem overwhelming to do every single week. in terms of weight loss, i was never going to be someone who got healthy from heavy restriction or prescribed diets that are meant to distance a person from food. and it's funny because like, i would binge, but also HATE food so much for the hold it had over my body and mind. if you have a shitty relationship with food this might really help. i feel obligated to say that i do see a nutritionist, but she's not doing the cooking or recipe hunting or working out for me.

so my weekly meal prep calendar looks like this:

sunday - cooking day. like, for hours. i don't have a dishwasher so i'm doing a full sink of dishes at least three times. i sometimes have plans and can work around them, but i prefer to keep the day free. i imagine this would be trickier if you live with people, but then again i manage in a studio apartment with a kitchen the size of a grocery store checkout line, soooo

tuesday-thursday - research and making the shopping list! can be done on any or all of these days. i use justtherecipe and recommend it highly. it saves recipes from websites while cutting out ads and, like, blogging. you can also edit the recipes and add notes--i always add the calories and maybe nutrition information. if those are not provided and you care, you can use a nutrition calculator to figure it out. if you get nervous about calories i ENCOURAGE you to try this. a lot of recipes that you might shy away from can totally be goal-supportive. pasta can be your friend, i promise.

so what i do during the week is find recipes i want to cook or repeat (using pinterest or websites of previously enjoyed recipes) and add them to justtherecipe. every week i choose a breakfast, a lunch to eat at work, a pre-gym snack, and dinner. if you don't have a lot of physical activity you don't need the same kind of protein-heavy snack, but you could always prep something so you don't snack mindlessly. some weeks i also just cook something sweet for fun, especially if the calories for the whole day are a little low. this could be half-homemade apple cider, baked goods, purchased popsicles, etc. this is most often where i'll just buy something and pre-portion it, rather than prepare it myself. no shame in that at all, in fact, sometimes it would be stupid not to go with the easier/cheaper solution.

so yeah. i figure out what i'm cooking for each "meal," add the recipes to the cookbook in justtherecipe, and then scale the recipes as needed. i usually make 6 servings for a week, which is convenient because most recipes are written in multiples of 2. this is a great recipe converter you can use to resize recipes. justtherecipe devs are also planning to add a feature that does this on the site eventually.

last thing i do during the week is take the recipes, resized as needed, and make a shopping list. if there are things i know already have i leave them out, and if i'm unsure i put a question mark and check my kitchen whenever i'm home. i will say while this sounds kindaaaaaaa expensive at first, the more you repeat this weekly process the more nonperishable things you'll already have stocked, especially if you tend to cook with similar spices and types of oil/flour/etc. at this point, sixish months in, i rarely need to buy nonperishable stuff, unless i've literally run out. and you can find affordable ways to buy perishables, and if you compare what you're spending to frozen meals, snacks, and takeout, i think it's likely it would be at the worst equal, if that makes sense. i know this is a sweeping generalization and i'm sorry. this might not work for some people but i can only share what i'm fortunate enough to be able to do.

friday - this is the day i go shopping, after work! with my list that i already made! i know the layout of the supermarket super well at this point so i order the items accordingly. it goes pretty fast and people have asked me several times if i was doing instacart which i took as a huge compliment.

so that's my schedule, but you can switch it around based on what your work week looks like. i would definitely say that you should try to shop no more than 3 days before cooking, and maybe freeze certain ingredients in the meantime. freezing is HUGE in meal prep.

speaking of storage, storage!

depending on the kinds of meals, you have to be smart about storage if you want them to last 5-6 days. pay attention to what the recipe says about fridge vs. freezer life (justtherecipe does NOT save this, so make sure you check the website). for most meals, i freeze some or all on sunday and defrost in the fridge a day ahead as the week goes by. obviously you might need to split up more complex things (for a salad freeze the chicken but not the greens, for a soup freeze the broth and noodles but not the veggies, etc.). the highest-maintenance thing i've done so far is an udon soup with frozen broth and chicken but fresh prepped ingredients, which i needed to actually combine and boil on the stove every night (also did an egg drop because i think it's funny. like that egg really did just drop). still, pretty easy and low maintenance! the soup in question (oh god i hope my food isn't ugly and i'm actually delusional) will be pictured at the bottom of this post!!

plastic meal prep containers are less expensive, but glass are far superior especially if you're really into chilis, soups, and very garlicky-oniony foods. and especially ESPECIALLY if you're like me and you don't have a dishwasher. plastic tends to not do great with hot liquids and it holds onto strong smells.

i started out with plastic for the first few months, but asked for glass for my birthday. now i have 10 glass containers, 5 for lunch and 5 for dinner, and supplement with plastic during weeks where i make 6 servings. i think these are the glass ones i use, or at least made by the same company, and for plastic you can't beat target's price for what it includes. most supermarkets and big stores tend to sell both glass and plastic, if you don't want to commit to glass financially, plastic is still great. you'll definitely find a use for them if you upgrade eventually!

for the breakfast and pre-gym snacks, i use disposable stuff like baggies or the tinier plastic containers that often come in sets. i'm sorry, planet :( there's just a point where i know i can't create too many dishes, especially with no dishwasher. the whole point of this entire ritual is to create a process i have no problem repeating indefinitely, so sometimes i have accept that i'm not going to be able to do it perfectly.

in terms of breakfasts, i personally don't like savory flavors early in the morning. i'm a big fan of the frozen smoothie bag and baked goods like muffins and bread.

there is a kitchen in my office with a toaster oven and microwave, so i have some flexibility with what i can bring in and eat. lots of soups and salads!

pre-gym snacks are always about protein. protein muffins, hummus and veggies, peanut butter.

dinner can be a lot of things, but for me personally the focus is on making it hearty so i am FULL when i go to sleep. the overall rule of thumb with all of this is to make food you're EXCITED to eat, so you don't feel like you're unsatisfied or missing out. especially when starting out, i benefitted from learning how to prepare meat in appealing ways. i hate handling raw meat and there are some shortcuts you can take to avoid it, like making patties or meatballs with ground chicken or turkey. personally i only eat chicken and sometimes turkey, every once in a while turkey bacon. so no steak recipes here i'm afraid :( i'm a big fan of my grill pan but also have to be very careful with stovetop pan-cooking because my postage stamp of an apartment has no kitchen fan and i don't keep windows open. if you're in a similar situation and hate the idea of straight up baked chicken, you can bake it in the oven and then pan-fry or grill for a few minutes just to get that exterior texture without worrying about undercooking. oh yeah, also get a meat thermometer. a great part of acquiring recipes like pokemon is that you'll start adding kitchen items to your collection as needed just like your spices.

other misc. meal prep tips include: ALWAYS buy more broth than the recipe requires (like, twice as much); try to buy exact portions of perishable ingredients because unfortunately food waste can be a problem when you're alone; and cooking for several hours is a really good time to listen to audiobooks or video essays.

also i do want to point out that i occasionally eat food i didn't prepare. i just typically plan ahead and get SUPER excited to do so. i'm never eating takeout or restaurant food or frozen meals because i don't have it in me to make something; it's because i like the special food or i'm somewhere cool with people i care about. it's a treat, but so is all the food i make.

okay, last thing, here are some recipes i've repeated and really enjoy! notice that they're not all like spinach salads, i love when recipes find clever ways to emulate "unhealthy" food while having nutritious ingredients. the website skinnytaste is my favorite for stuff like that and she has a massive backlog of free recipes with nutrition info. also i very obviously favor certain ingredients (feta cheese my love), these are just things i like, there is so much out there for you to find for yourself! even if the recipe isn't your thing, these blogs and websites are great places to start!

breakfast:

- https://kristineskitchenblog.com/healthy-apple-muffins/

- a smoothie with 1/2 frozen banana, ~10 frozen strawberries, handful frozen spinach, 3/4 tbsp peanut butter (you can get a little scooper to make this easier), 3/4 tbsp strawberry preserves, and as much soy milk as it takes to smoothify it (around 1.25 cups)

- lunch and/or dinner:

- https://www.mealswithmaggie.com/chicken-corn-chowder/

- https://easychickenrecipes.com/chicken-tortellini-soup-recipe/

- https://www.mamagourmand.com/braised-butternut-squash-bacon-penne-bake/

- https://www.skinnytaste.com/baked-chicken-parmesan/

- https://www.skinnytaste.com/coconut-chicken-salad-with-warm-honey/

- https://www.lecremedelacrumb.com/farmers-market-veggie-pasta/

- https://healthylittlepeach.com/feta-and-spinach-chicken-patties/

- https://www.lecremedelacrumb.com/grilled-bruschetta-chicken/

- https://pinchofyum.com/honey-chicken-salad-with-grapes-and-feta

- https://www.skinnytaste.com/turkey-pumpkin-chili/

- pre-gym:

- https://thehonoursystem.com/maple-vanilla-protein-fudge/

- various protein muffins. they're not as fluffy as normal ones but can still be good!

- other:

- https://ifoodreal.com/healthy-key-lime-pie-bars/

- https://www.asweetpeachef.com/hot-apple-cider/

aaaaaand i'll close with food photos. because i'm proud. even if they don't look gorgeous, each is special to me, and i just think that's neat

[maitaitiu]

for you, i'd watch paint dry OCxCanon week 2024 Day 7: "so... it's a date, then?" Pairing type: romantic Canon Character: Skyla (she/her) OC: Fern (she/her) Fandom: Pokemon Wordcount: 1776

AO3 link

CWS: mentions of hospitals & needles

Synopsis: Skyla finally has a day off from both her jobs. It's sorely needed; she loves her work, but she's wiped out! She's looking forward to a relaxing evening, and then a fun day-long date with her girlfriend, Fern. Though, Skyla has forgotten that Fern has a hospital appointment the same day as her day off.

Skyla stretched her arms high above her head as she kicked the front door of her apartment closed. She was so glad to be done with work today.

Sure, she loved flying. And she loved doing Gym stuff. But man, it was all tiring. And she was thrilled to finally have a day off from both of them tomorrow.

Not only that. But she could finally spend a whole day with her girlfriend! Fern was currently sitting on the couch in the living room, slippers kicked off onto the floor and legs pulled onto the cushion. She was reading something on a tablet, though she looked completely bored.

Skyla threw her bag and coat into the cubby by the front door, and walked into the lounge- where she then dramatically flopped onto the couch and lay her head on her girlfriend’s legs.

“Hiya, cutie. You come here often?” Skyla grinned, drawling her voice out to exaggerate how tired she was.

“Now and again,” Fern’s reply wasn’t as enthusiastic, or happy, as expected, so Skyla sat up.

“You good?” she asked, “What’s on your mind?”

Fern looked up from her tablet, “Oh. Nothing interesting. Just health stuff.”

Skyla raised her eyebrows.

“I’ve got my infusion appointment tomorrow.” Fern said, frowning, “It’s just… boring.”

It took Skyla a minute to remember what those were. Fern only needed that kind of appointment every two months or so, and they’d only been dating a year… and its infrequency led to it being not something they really discussed much at all. But she did remember, after a minute or two of thinking.

Well, some of it, at least.

“Afterwards, then… how about we go watch a movie or something? Or… go for a run… or a walk- or we could go bowling..? It’s my first day off in ages tomorrow, so I wanna treat you anyway!”

Fern smiled slightly, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I forgot about your day off.” She said quietly, “I’m sorry, Sky.”

“Why?”

“It takes like, four hours. And it’s an hour to drive to the hospital, and an hour back… That’s already six hours… four of them I’m spending with a needle in my arm and under fluorescent lights that give me a headache.” She turned off her tablet and looked away, shoulders dropped down in obvious guilt, “I just don’t think I’d be up for anything outside of a nap before or after that.”

Skyla practically felt herself deflate. So much for having a nice, super fun day off adventuring with her girlfriend. She stayed quiet on the couch, and said nothing as Fern walked out of the living room to see what they had in the kitchen for dinner.

And also, evidently, to avoid the fact that both of them were now feeling bad.

With a sigh, Skyla lay down on the sofa, and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn’t move her day off, and even if she could, she’d worked so hard today that the thought of going into work tomorrow was nauseating- no matter how much she enjoyed it.

But it wasn’t like Fern could move her appointment. So… what?

Skyla squeezed her eyes tightly shut to think for a minute.

Did they just accept that this was an irritating and unchangeable situation?

No. There must be some way for them to spend time together tomorrow.

Skyla picked herself up from the couch and resolutely walked into the kitchen, where Fern was reading the expiration date on a jar of pasta sauce.

“Should we just order pizza, d’you think?” Fern asked, “Or maybe Thai food? I don’t know if this is still good to eat…”

“It looks fine to me. Buuuut I could totes eat a Massaman curry… Mm.”

With not even a further glance to the jar of sauce before she shoved it back in the cupboard, Fern nodded. “Let’s do that. I’m craving tom yum soup already. Geez…”

She pulled out her cellphone to order the food- but Skyla quickly stopped her.

“I’ll pay.” She said, impulsively, “Also. Can we talk about tomorrow?”

Fern blinked, not really letting any expression through, which was most unusual, “Sure.”

And then she dialled their favourite Thai restaurant and placed an order for delivery.

Skyla sat down on one of the breakfast bar stools while Fern ordered, giving the occasional thumbs up whenever Fern asked about things like spice level or any appetisers or whatever. They practically always ordered the same things, so it was pretty easy to communicate the order silently as Fern spoke on the phone.

“Forty minutes,” Fern said as she snapped her flip-phone shut, “You should go get something more comfy on before then, hm?”

“Are you thinking… pyjama dinner and a movie?” Skyla asked, eyebrows raised.

“You bet. Go on. Go go go!” Skyla laughed as her girlfriend pushed her down the corridor toward the bedroom.

She took a quick shower, let her hair hang loose- still wet- and changed into her softest pyjamas. And then returned to the lounge with a blanket in hand, where Fern was once again curled up on the couch, looking at her tablet.

The thing was, showers were bizarrely good for thinking up ideas. And Skyla had one, now.

“Are people allowed to come with you to your appointment tomorrow?” she asked, as she sat down, and covered both of them with the blanket, “Like… a friend or a family member?”

“Oh. Yeah. One person, I think.” Fern nodded, and put the tablet away again, and reached to pet her patrat who was curled up on the armrest.

“Do you… normally bring anyone with you?” Skyla prompted after a moment.

“No. I’ve… always just gone alone.” Fern sighed, and pulled her patrat into her lap, “Why? Are you offering to come?”

“Yeah! I know you said it’s super boring and stuff, and the lights are gross, buuuuut…” she leaned onto her girlfriend’s shoulder, “Maybe I can help make that less boring! I can bring you an eye mask to shield you from the lights… and snacks… and I can give you massages…”

Fern snorted, “You’re not a masseuse.”

“Just an idea!” Skyla insisted, “I dunno, maybe it’d be a bit less boring if you had some company?”

She waited nervously as Fern thought in silence for a minute.

“Well… I mean… If you’d like to come…” Fern said quietly, with a tiny smile on her face, “It would be quite nice. It is really boring though.”

“That’s okay! I have plenty of gossip from work I can tell you… and play-by-plays of Gym battles… and you can tell me how it’s all going in Pinwheel Forest…” Skyla sighed happily and let herself fully lie down on Fern’s lap, biting back a laugh when Fern yelped in reaction to her hair being cold and damp, “Y’know. Hanging out. Moral support. And I can drive us home, so you can nap on the way back!”

“Sure. Okay.” Fern rolled her eyes, and pushed Skyla off her lap, “I appreciate it.”

“Yes!” Skyla exclaimed, as the doorbell rang, “So… it’s a date?!”

“The world’s most boring date ever, sure.” Fern said, getting to her feet.

“Still a date!” Skyla asserted, racing after her to the door.

“True.”

They paid for and received their food from the usual friendly delivery driver, and tipped him generously, as always, and then returned once more to the lounge- where they channel flicked until they found some trashy soap drama to watch, curled up together on the couch under a blanket, their pokemon lounging around the room as well, and eating some of their favourite foods.

Eventually, Fern fell asleep on Skyla’s shoulder, and she took the opportunity to quickly read up on the process of the infusion tomorrow. Where they’d have to go, what they were allowed to bring (Skyla made a list on the back of her hand of snacks and other stuff to pack before they set off), as well as the type of medicine Fern was getting (infliximab) and what sort of side effects it could have (the most common seemed to be nausea and headaches, so she also made a note to bring a heat pad and some painkillers. Not ibuprofen, since Fern couldn’t take those…) and also, she debated the possibility of sneaking off at some point to run to a store and buy Fern a gift… Would that be necessary? Would she think it was patronising? Maybe… It’d still be a nice gesture though, right?

It was already a lot to think through, and she wasn’t even the one needing the medicine. No wonder the whole process exhausted Fern so much, who was already more prone to fatigue due to the very condition she needed the medication for.

Still. Fern would be back to her normal, vibrant self in a couple of days. And if she wasn’t, well… Skyla wasn’t a quitter. She loved her girlfriend. That was that. If Fern was tired and sad for longer than usual, then Skyla would be there no matter what. And she’d do everything she could to make her feel even just a little better.

A date didn’t have to be a fancy meal or an eight-mile hike. It didn’t have to be bowling, or sports, or a walk on the beach. A date could be a nice evening in watching trashy TV, eating your favourite takeaway; a date could be an afternoon spent in a hospital room, braiding your girlfriend’s hair, and shielding her eyes from the harsh lights as she tried to nap away the hours with a needle in her arm.

For Fern, Skyla would spend a whole day doing the dullest paperwork ever if she had to. Fern, who would run a bath with floral bubbles for whenever Skyla said she’d had a rough day at work. Fern, who would personally beat the daylights out of anyone who was cruel toward pokemon. Fern, who felt her emotions at a hundred-and-twenty percent capacity all the time, and who listened intently whenever Skyla or someone else spoke, even if she didn’t care. Fern, who’s body was rebelling against her constantly and had to explain it to everyone she interacted with, and was so clearly exhausted by it all, but still kept going because she had no choice. Fern, who was asleep on Skyla’s shoulder, a tiny bit of sauce from her Pad Thai staining her cheek.

Skyla put her arm around her girlfriend and squeezed her with a hug.

She had always hated sitting still. But it wasn’t so bad with the woman she loved at her side.

Not at all, actually.

[wowwowokay2]

Turning the Tables.

Feedee Clara has loved gaining a bit with her feeder and girlfriend, Esme, but now she has to stop gaining. Clara would like to get Esme to try gaining, will it work?

-

Clara and Esme return home after a recent doctors appointment. They trudge through the door, Clara bitterly kicks off her shoes with one bouncing off the wall.

“What sort of nonsense is it that someone can just magically develop celiac and lactose intolerance?!” Clara scowls.

“Again, for the millionth time, I don’t know, you should have asked the doctor.” Esme chides, running a hand through her short hair.

“I did and I got no real answers.” Clara sighs, walking to the couch in the living room. She drops herself onto the couch, looking deflated.

“It’s not the end of the world babe, we’ll adjust.” Esme says.

“I’ll adjust, you can eat whatever you please.” Clara says.

Esme goes and sits on the couch with Clara, taking her hand under her face. She gently tilts it upward, Clara’s borderline-double chin softly pressing against her fingers.

“I know this is hard for you, but I am here.” Esme says. “I may not be able to fix this, but I am here for you.”

Clara’s deep brown eyes gaze into Esme’s hazel ones. Esme loved her eyes, they were like wells to get lost in.

“I know.” Clara breathes. “It’s just so unfair. Give me some time, I’m going to be stubborn and grumpy the next few days.”

“And you aren’t alread-“ Esme teases. “Hey, ouch!” Clara gave her a slap on the arm and furrow of her brow. It didn’t actually hurt. Esme smiles, “Okay okay, I surrender. You can stay grumpy as long as you need to.”

Two weeks later.

Esme fumbled with her keys outside of her apartment, picking out the house key. She wiggles the doorknob first, she knows Clara is home so the door may not be locked. The knob turns freely and Esme exhales with relief. It was the end of her work week, and she was looking forward to getting in a few hours at the gym. As Esme enters the apartment, she gets a waft of black pepper. She can hear the kitchen fan on, and after taking off her shoes she turns right around the corner to see Clara cooking caccio e pepe.

“Gluten free pasta?” Esme tones over the sound of the fan.

“Oh! Hello,” Clara chimes. “For me, yes, for you real pasta.”

“I mean I think pasta’s pasta.” Esme strolls next to Clara, turning off the fan. She looks at the two different pastas. One is in a small pot and is barely covering the bottom, while the other is in a large and shallow pan. It looks like there is six times as much pasta in the large pan than the small one.

“That’s a lot of pasta there.” Esme comments.

“Yes, it’s fresh, so you’ll have to eat it all tonight!” Clara says casually facing away, grabbing forks from a drawer.

“Uh, I can’t eat all that. I mean, it’s one of my favourites but-“

“Esme.” Clara spins around. “You were always interested in stuffing and feeding me, why can’t we try the same for you?”

Esme gawks. “I- I, uh.” She swallows to keep speaking but Clara speaks instead.

“All I ask is that you try it, just once, that’s all.” Clara says.

They make their way to their tiny bistro-style table and Esme sits. Clara first carries in her modest sized plate and places it on the table. She then retrieves a huge serving platter covered in a mound of cheesy, peppery noodles. They were still steaming slightly.

“I- I’m still not sure what you’re asking me to do.” Esme stammers.

Clara smirks, her eyes sparkling. “I think you do know.”

Esme can feel her cheeks starting to burn, she feels cornered. “So, what. Are you trying to turn the tables on, this.” Esme gestures between the two of them.

“What harm is there is trying something just once?” Clara says, her chin resting on her interlaced hands. “Eat.”

Esme averts her eyes from Clara’s strong gaze, grabbing her fork and pulling the enormous platter towards her.

“I’m not going to be able to finish this whole thing.” She mumbles.

“Try your best, have as much as you can. I’m interested to see what your limit might be.” Clara says.

Esme twists her fork into the pasta and takes her first mouthful. The black pepper pops brightly all around her mouth, while the cheese glides and the pasta melts into her mouth. Any apprehension she was feeling melts away with it, and she relaxes her shoulders while chewing and twisting another forkful. Bite after bite is pure carb filled bliss, as Esme examines the size of the platter a thrill rushes through her.

What if I did finish the whole thing? Too bad I wouldn’t be soft like Clara. I’d just be hard as a rock, I wonder how big my stomach could get. Esme startles herself. She had never had thoughts like that before, and yet they are not frightening thoughts.

She scooches her chair forward and looks at the platter with new eyes.

“You know what, Clara?” She says. “Challenge accepted, this pasta is now my bitch and I’m going to dominate it.”

Clara raises an eyebrow, amused. “I’m jealous.”

Esme begins to fall into a rhythm, twirl, lift, bite, chew, swallow, twirl, lift, bite, chew, swallow. She can feel that her stomach is already straining, so she quickly places her fork down and stands up.

“What are you doing?” Clara asks, taking a sip of water.

“I got jeans on babe, ain’t no way in hell I’m keeping these on.” Esme replies. She shimmies out of her jeans, folding and placing them on the floor. The pressure has lessened without the restricting jeans on, but it is still very noticeable.

Esme sits back down and whirls up another forkful. She has only eaten about a third of the platter, meanwhile Clara has barely touched hers at all. Esme locks eyes with Clara. She’s intently watching Esme, and her face is slightly flushed. Esme tilts her head slightly and gives her a little smile while chewing, before swallowing and downing another mouthful.

Soon Esme has finished off half of the platter, but she is struggling. The chairs at the table are not meant for leaning back, but Esme is curious for herself, driven by, something, to try to keep eating.

“Hey, babe.” Esme huffs slightly. “D’you think we could finish in the living room, I gotta lay back a bit.”

“Y- yep, no law against that.” Clara responds timidly. With the roles swapped, things felt new, uncharted. Clara and Esme were both unsure on how to behave.

The two of them gather their plates and relocate to the living room. Esme leans back on the couch, exhaling. The two of them sit there in silence for a minute before Clara speaks up.

“Would it be easier if I fed you? So you don’t have to strain?” She almost whispered.

“Let’s try it.” Esme replies.

Clara takes a napkin in one hand and a fork in the other. She twirls pasta around the fork and lifts it into the air, hovering her other hand with the napkin underneath to catch any falling food. Esme tilts her head back and opens her mouth, and the carbs are back.

“Mmm.” She hums inadvertently. How could you eat so much of the same thing and have it still taste so good?

After several minutes of this, Esme held up her hand and squirmed slightly. Clara sat there patiently with doe eyes. Eventually a low, primordial sounding belch eased its way out of Esme.

“Oh.” She moans. “Can I request tummy rubs?”

Clara was already ahead of her and was making very small circles around the perimeter of Esme’s increasingly distended stomach. Areas of pressure were eased but the overall tension remained. Clara then stopped rubbing and grabbed another forkful of pasta.

“How much is left?” Esme asks.

“About a quarter of it.” Clara responds.

“Isn’t that good enough?” Esme tests.

“I don’t know, is it enough for you?” Clara says in a more authoritative tone.

Esme could feel her face flush and her body warm. Clara read her body language and offered up the next forkful which Esme took up slowly. Then the next and the next, until Clara placed the fork down.

“You finished it.” She whispered. “You finished it all.”

Esme was barely listening as she was too focused on feeling so incredibly gorged. Her stomach was rock hard and she could easily be mistaken as pregnant. She very carefully rolled her shirt up to expose the alien mound. Clara’s hands came in and cupped the lower section of her stomach. Esme looked at her, flustered.

“How does it feel for you?” Clara breathes.

Esme can feel her whole body burning. “Hot,” she says. “Holy fuck, hot.”

“That’s how it would feel for me.” Clara says. “The next question I have for you is, do you think you only like this, or would you want something more?”

Already Esme’s mind was filled with images. Images of Clara’s supple hips, her little belly and soft arms. It also filled with images of Esme. Esme stuffed beyond realism. Esme pinching the tiny amount of fat around her belly button. Esme in an oversized t-shirt quickly ballooning with a fat gut that rips the shirt off her body.

“More.” She whispered. “More.”

[danielle-dna]

To Shag or Not to Shag? - 8

The pasta was simple, yet delicious. We sat on the small balcony that had an amazing view. I could see the entire city. Of course, we spoke as well. Simon was a great listener. However, it did bother me a little that he wouldn't reveal much about himself. Sure, he told me that he likes football (Manchester United, naturally).

"You can't be serious, love. You've never seen a football match?" It was the truth. "....no? I mean I was never really introduced to it as a kid, so I was never interested." That was amusing to him. "Your dad didn't watch football then?"

Oh no! I have to talk about that piece of shit now?! Well...better sooner than later. "I don't have one." And I left it at that. Please don't be an asshole about it.

The man who calls himself my father left before I was even born. Never really had any interest in me. Not a single birthday card, phone call or visit. I find it odd, how single mothers get more stigmatised for being the parents who actually stayed and stepped up for the kid.

"I see. Sorry 'bout that." Thank fuck, please don't have follow up questions.

"Just you and your mum then?" Fuck. I flashed him a small smile and nodded. "Yeap. Just me and her." Please drop the goddamn subject now. I carefully avoided his gaze. "So tell me something, little nurse. You are 21 and you just finished A-levels? No uni and you already work in a hospital. Bit unusual." Shit.

"Well, I...took a gap year I guess. And I'm not a nurse. I'm nurses aide. You don't need to go to uni to be one." I could see him raise an eyebrow. "But if you only took a year, how-"

"Can we please drop the subject? I still don't know what you do for a living." Great job, dumbass. You just insulted the hottest man that ever laid eyes on you.

He picked up his glass of bourbon and smirked at me. "Guess."

"Say what now?" The nerve... "Guess, little nurse. You have three tries. If you get it, you get to feel even more amazing than the last time."

Oh hell yes, now this is my type of a quiz.

I nodded and stood up. "Where you going, love?" Turning around (making sure my butt was in a nice position, of course), I flashed him a smile and put my hands on my hips. "Look, you are offering one hell of a prize. I am looking for clues, because I hate to lose."

Think, woman, think.

Okay, we ruled out professional chef and anything else that makes less than £35 000 a year. What else is there? There is a gym. Maybe a personal trainer? Doesn't seem like the super social type though. He eats healthy and there is no processed shit in the kitchen. A doctor? Naaah? Too much. Well, he is fit. A surgeon maybe? He isn't a pilot, there is a dress code.

I walked back to him. "Say, Simon, how old are you exactly?" He leaned back in his chair. "28. Going to be 29 this year." Damn. He is way too young to be a surgeon making that kind of money. WHAT THE HELL?

That was when I noticed something underneath his shirt. Before I thought it was just a necklace, but now I can see there is more to it. Two small metal plates. Dog tags. Either he is wearing them as a fashion statement or....

"The army."

Simon stood up and walked towards me. I could feel the seriousness radiating from him. "What?"

I gulped and took a step back. And in that moment it hit me. I am in a man's flat. And said man is taller, stronger and scarier than me.

"What makes you say that, love?" I balled up my hands in fists and took another step back.

"Well, for starters you are very organised, tidy and hella fit. You make good money, but you aren't old enough to be a doctor, lawyer or a CEO. You don't come from money, so not a landlord or an office worker. You make at least £45k a year. The only place that I can think of is the army, but not the regular kind. You are either SAS or some kind of special forces. If you joined at 18, it would give you enough time to have a rank high enough to earn that kind of money."

He tilted his head and stared at me. "Damn it. You are...really clever, you know that?" I had no idea how to respond to that. "I mean, you got all that, just by observing me and the flat? I'm kind of scared, little nurse. You sure have potential."

Now that made me blush. "So, ghostie, you going to give me a wild night?"

[dragonmuse]

(AsIsHerRight requested Lucius and Charlie hanging out when things were lower stakes, then in I Wanna Sink to the Bottom With You. Charlie is 17 here.) 

“Stede!” Lucius called from the front hall, keys jingling. 

“He’s not here!” Charlie called back from the couch. He was sprawled there, book on his stomach and dozing off.

“Of course he’s not,” Lucius sighed, stepping into the living room. He was holding dry cleaning, shiny in its bags. “They left you here?”

“I didn’t want to go shopping,” Charlie shrugged. “Want me to take that up to their room?” 

“Yeah, thanks. Just hang it on the back of Stede’s closet door. They can sort it out when we get back.” 

Charlie got up and took the hangers from him and did just that. When he got back downstairs, Lucius was still standing there,  texting with a slight furrow to his brow. 

“My date is ditching me for work,” Lucius glanced up. “You know, you might like this gallery show. It’s seasonal.”

“Spooky?” Charlie guessed. 

“Probably. The collection is called The Body Exploded.”

“Sold. When?”

“If you can be changed in the next ten minutes, we can get dinner and go. I’ll tell them that I’m borrowing you.” 

“Awesome! ….what do I need to change into?” 

“Anything that’s not your superhero underoos,” Lucius eyed his current attire.  The t-shirt had seen better days and was about three sizes too big with a faded Spiderman leaping across it. His boxers matched.  

“Buzzkill,” Charlie sniffed, but went into his room to change. Not wanting to make Lucius regret the offer, he put on slacks and the only shirt he had here that didn’t have a logo on it. It was a light blue collarless t-shirt and a little tighter than he remembered. Probably fine. 

“Good?” He stepped back out. Lucius glanced up, the. Back down at his phone. Paused. Then slowly  looked back up again.

“Where did that body come from?” He cocked his head to the side.

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re ripped. Shredded. What other destructive word is there for muscles?” Lucius hit send and shoved his phone in his pocket. 

“Oh, it’s all from cross training,” Charlie shrugged. “I can’t get too bulky, but I do some lifting. Mostly squats and running though.”

“Ugh the gym,” Lucius wrinkled his nose. “Well it’s working. You look fine, let’s go.”

“Where are we eating?” 

“With you? There’s an Italian place that basically gives you a bucket of pasta and the meatballs are the size of my fist.”

“Hell yeah,” he said happily. “Who ratted me out?” 

“Eddy was impressed by your annihilation of all their leftovers.”

“I’m just keeping things neat. Their fridge is a nightmare lab.” 

“I know. I’ve seen it. Good job taking the potential botulism on the chin. Let’s go, we want to get to the restaurant in time for happy hour.” 

“You’re drinking while taking care of a minor?” Charlie tsked. “Bad role modeling for impressionable minds.” 

“If I don’t get a drink in me, I will be a way worse role model. It has been too long a week and it’s only Tuesday.” 

“So it was Izzy that ditched you?” He held the door for Lucius. 

“I-yeah. You know my schedule?” Lucius asked suspiciously. 

“It’s not like that part is hard. You guys have done Tuesday date nights the entire time I’ve known you,” Charlie scoffed. 

“I will bet you a hundred dollars that Stede doesn’t know that.” 

“Wow, yeah, I think that says more about Dad than it does about me.” 

“Why can’t it be both?” Lucius glanced at him. “Can I ask how college applications are going or is that a no go?” 

“Oh, uh. I got in already,” he said to his shoes. 

“How? It’s October.” 

“Yeah, it’s the whole swimming thing.” 

“Explain,” Lucius demanded. “Also we’re going to take the subway, you’ve got the app, right?” 

“Of course I do, how do you think I get around?” 

“Figured you went web slinging.” 

“Spiderman is awesome, you can’t shame me about it.” 

“I’m married to a comics nerd, so it’s really only a light bit of pretension,” Lucius informed him. “So. College?” 

“Schools have to recruit for swim early cause of how our seasons fall out.  I got some offers and then it was just choosing.” 

“Offers? As in more than one?” 

“Uh, maybe,” Charlie mumbled. 

“How many?” 

“...four.” 

“Four?!” Lucius slapped him lightly on the bicep. “I thought I was impressive for getting $500 a semester to cover books. How good were the offers?” 

“Full rides?” he said sheepishly.  

“Congratulations, I think I might actually expire out of retroactive jealousy,” Lucius decided. “Not that you don’t deserve it, but fuck, that’s a lot. So you chose already? 

“Yeah,” Charlie warmed to that part of the topic. “I did a few weekend campus visits last month, met coaches and some of the teams.” 

“And?” 

“And it made me realize that I wanted someone who would get me to the next level without taking years off my life. Most of the coaches just brag about how hard they work everyone and then numbers. There was only one guy that talked about regimes and break times, and how low injuries were. I was into that.” 

“I’ll bet, so where are you headed?” 

They trooped down the stairs to the subway station, the familiar rush of hellish noise and smells rushing to meet Charlie. He was almost fond of it by now. 

“Southern State.” 

“But...that’s a plane ride,” Lucius frowned. “Not even a super short one.” 

“Yeah,” Charlie shrugged. “None of them were close. And I like the idea of it being warm year round.” 

“Gotta follow your heart,” Lucius looked away, "but we’ll miss you.” 

“I’m barely here anyway,” Charlie protested. “And I’ll come around for holidays and stuff.” 

“Not the same,” Lucius put on an old lady voice. “Our babies! All grown up! Sunrise, sunset!” 

“Shut up,” he laughed. “You’ll all live just fine without me.” 

“Debatable, but fine, go spread your wings or whatever.” 

“You went to college, right?” Charlie checked. “For fine arts?” 

“Uh huh. Learned how to hold a pencil and everything.” 

“Any tips?” 

Lucius came to stop on the platform. He stared down at the tracks, biting his lip then said, “Put some energy into making friends and keeping them. It won’t just happen on its own.” 

Charlie didn’t say that he’d figured that out. Because he was still pretty fucking bad at it. 

“So...you didn’t like it much?” 

“Yeah, no, I won’t lie to you,” Lucius sighed. “I’m glad I stuck it out and I did make good contacts, yada yada yada. I mean, that’s who’s show we’re seeing tonight. One of my college buddies curates this edgy kind of gallery and they put the show together.” 

“But...”

“But I never figured out how to connect,” he said distantly. “It’s kind of funny now. Like I’m living in a suite with a bunch of dudes, working in a bar, and acting like an asshole on stage. Sort of went in reverse, but better.” 

“I don’t know how college it is to be married to one of the ‘dudes’,” Charlie pointed out. 

“Upgraded experience. Anyway, point is: no, I’m not your college tips guy. Don’t ask Roach either. He doesn’t like to talk about it.” 

“Noted,” Charlie grimaced. “I’ll ask Buttons.” 

“Buttons?” Lucius frowned. “Why?” 

The train rolled in and they lost a minute getting on. They both laid hands on a pole. 

“Buttons has a Ph.D.” Charlie reminded him as the train finally pulled away. 

“He does?” Lucius swung around the pole to face him. “Stop...no. Really?” 

“Uh, really?” Charlie raised his eyebrows. “How do you  not know that? You know everything!” 

“I’m not omniscient and I didn’t know because he never said. In what?” 

“Philosophy.” 

“That makes more sense,” Lucius allowed. “But he was definitely on the carnival route for a while.” 

“Yeah, he won’t tell me how that happened. He says it’s a story that belongs to the sky,” Charlie admitted. “And only after I asked him a bunch of times.” 

“I wonder if Pete knows? Hold on, fact checking.” 

“I’m a reliable source!” 

“Remind how long it’s been since we had to debase you of the notion that you couldn't put hand soap in the dishwasher?” 

“Hey! That as a perfectly reasonable-” 

Lucius held up a hand in his face and Charlie considered it for a second then did the only thing little brotherhood had trained him for. 

“Fucking gross!” Lucius groaned and rubbed his licked palm over Charlie’s shoulder, who snickered. 

“Better than Alma, she almost broke my nose over that.” 

“As she well should. I’m voting for her rights on that, you’re disgusting,” Lucius determined. “I was right, being an only child is the only way to go.” 

“Hey, it was this or not being born, so.” Charlie considered that. “I guess I wouldn’t know if it didn’t happen.” 

“Great, you have an existential crisis, slime boy, give me a sec.” 

Lucius texted, waited then frowned, typing quickly again. “Well then.” 

“Ha! In your FACE!”

“On my hand, actually. I need to boil my flesh now.” 

“I’m clean. Ish. I mean I brushed my teeth since the last time I put my mouth somewhere questionable.” 

“When did you-”Lucius started, caught the look in Charlie’s eye, then stopped dead. “No. Nope. We are not having fun hook up gossip. It’s too fucking weird and you’re a child.” 

“I’m almost 18.” 

“Not almost enough,” Lucius grimaced. “I’m too young to be a dirty old man.” 

“What age makes someone a dirty old man?” Charlie asked merrily. “Cause you hang out with a looooot of old guys. Maybe you’ve become one by injection?”  

“Fuck. Off. You. Asshole.” Lucius groaned. “Why did I want to take you again?” 

“Cause you got ditched and I was five feet away? Be more proactive next time.” 

“A pox on me,” Lucius agreed, but he was kind of smiling, so Charlie figured it was fine. 

The Italian place really did have enormous portions. When Charlie scraped the bottom of his plate and sucked down the last noodle, Lucius golf-clapped. 

“Truly horrendous. Amazing. Dessert?” 

“Yeah, absolutely. I need coffee and cannolis.” 

“I was...joking, but okay,” Lucius said gamely. “I like cannolis. I’m getting my own, I’m not interested in losing a finger.” 

“I haven’t mauled anyway recently,” Charlie leaned back in his chair, pleased. “So how many of my selections have wound up on your shelves recently?” 

“Very few,” Lucius admitted. “Izzy knows my tolerance levels and apparently you’ve been on a body horror kick. I liked that one though...Weaveworld?” 

“Clive Barker,” Charlie said appreciatively. “I thought you might.” 

“You had me at Nimrod”   

They lapsed into book talk, an easy meandering around the few titles they had in common as they polished off the cannolis and Charlie drank two cups of coffee. 

“You won’t fall asleep.”

“Good,” Charlie sighed. “I’m sleepy by ten, how is that gonna fly in college?” 

“Life finds a way,” Lucius said wryly, taking out his wallet. Only to find Charlie already holding the billfold out to the waiter. “Charlie, no.” 

“What? You asked, I’m paying. Who cares?” 

“Charlie-” 

“Trust fund. Full ride. Spoiled brat. Plus side for you: I pay.” 

“You’re not spoiled.” 

“Say I’m not a brat with a straight face.” 

“I don’t lie to children.” 

“Maybe you should start,” Charlie smiled at the waiter as they took the check. “Thanks!” 

“You’re welcome,” the waiter stalled out for a second. 

“Seventeen,” Lucius said flatly. 

“Have a good evening!” The waiter’s eyes went wide and he took off toward the register. 

“I do actually need my debit card back,” Charlie laughed. 

“I’ll get it, menace.” 

The gallery wasn’t far from there, a nice space, with big white walls. Currently covered in fever dream of gore. 

“Oh this is awesome,” Charlie said reverently, stepping closer to a painting of a ribcage. 

“It’s definitely inspiring awe. Like the old school, fear of the lord kind,” Lucius muttered, but he didn’t rush Charlie along, or snap at him for skipping ahead and rotating back. He let him do his thing while he paused at his own interests. 

“Come see this one,” Charlie circled back around him, tugging once at his sleeve like he really was an eager little kid. “It’s a knockout.” 

“Mm, if you say so,” Lucius followed after him. 

He took him to a large canvas at the back. The artist had sketched out an anatomical heart with felted yarn in shades of blue and green, laced through with yellow veins. Tucked into the weave of yarn were coins, buttons and some safety pins. 

“Fountain Wishes,” Charlie pointed to the plaque. 

“Huh,” Lucius took a step back. “That’s...huh.” 

“Right?” Charlie grinned. “Like I know it’s not the most profound thing ever, but I dunno. I think it’s something.” 

“I like it better than the rest of this. Blood for the sake of blood never does it for me, but...yeah. I like this. It’s a little...dreamy.” 

“I think it’s kind of sad,” Charlie offered. “Like those wishes don’t come true. Wishes just don’t.” 

“Don’t know about that. But...maybe not the kind of things people ask for on coins most of the time.” 

“We’re asking too much of our hearts,” Charlie concluded. 

“Or not enough,” Lucius countered. 

Either way, they stood there for another minute or so, before Charlie was off to the next thing. When he turned around though, Lucius was still there, but no longer looking at the art. He was watching Charlie, brow furrowed. Like he was trying to solve a puzzle. 

He shrugged it off. He was used to adults tracking his movements. He wasn’t going anywhere. At least not tonight.  

Lucius: Returning your offspring shortly. 

Stede: Thank you for taking him out. Did you both enjoy the show?

Lucius: Yes. Him more than me. Did you see the dry cleaning? 

Stede:  The blue dress is missing.

Lucius: It’s at the bar, you said you’d use it this Friday, figured it would be easier. 

Stede: You’re right. Thank you. 

Lucius: Charlie told me where he’s going to school. Are you okay with it? 

Stede: He picked a place? He told me he was still considering it! Mary too as far as I know. 

Lucius: oops. 

Stede: I won’t tell him you slipped. Where did he choose? 

Lucius: Forgot already! You’ll have to ask him. 

Stede: Fine. I wonder why he told you first? 

Lucius: Don’t know. Just asked?

Stede: I'll do that then. I was trying to give him some space.

Lucius: sure. Subway now. See you in ten.

[cherryluvrx3]

meat lovers amirite??

Dave Strider x Reader x Karkat Vantas

Chapter 4

Okay.

This has gotta be one of the worst days ever.

Like if there was a shitty day tournament, this day would’ve made it to the semi finals at LEAST . Actually no, I’m sure there’s people out there dealing with way more horrible shit but still.

First, I barely slept last night and when I did finally fall asleep, I ended up forgetting to put my alarm so I was late and my first period teacher chewed me out (can’t stand that bitch). Then later at gym, I was messing around with Gamzee, shooting hoops, and then MY PANTS FUCKING RIPPED!!! It wasn’t super noticeable but I spent the whole day wondering if people could see my lower ass cheek. All because I was ballin'. Oh, and as if my clothes weren’t ruined enough, Terezi accidently squirted ketchup on my shirt during lunch. Then I got my last period’s test back and a big fat F was the final slap to the face.

Now school’s over, it’s windy as fuck outside and I’m walking shamefully back home, running on 3 hours of sleep, my ass cheek hanging out, and crusty ketchup on my shirt. I probably look as miserable as a soggy kitten.

I tugged my shirt down again to cover my ass with a huff. Oh and my stomach growling just reminded me that lunch today was also ass so I skipped it and am currently starving. It’s been about a week and so I got a new allowance and money to use so I could buy lunch I guess. Or maybe just a snack since I have pasta at home? It’s gotta be a comfort food though, I need some damn comforting after today. Maybe something sweet but what could I..

I stopped in front of a Pizza Hut poster advertising their sweet little cinnabons for only $5 bucks! Yeah I could totally go for those right about now.

I wonder if Dave works today? I could eat some sweeties while talkin’ up a sweetie- okay that was mad cringe I’m sorry.

Before me was a golden opportunity to finally ask his number! And if he says no.. then this’ll really be one of my worst moments ever. But I mean at least I’ll get cinnabons at the end of the day?

I took a deep breath and walked in, hearing a little bell jingle.

Behind the cash register was a goofy lookin kid with black hair and glasses but.. I looked around and.. No Dave.

I try not to let disappointment show on my face as he greeted me with a “Welcome to Pizza Hut how can I take your order?”

“Uh yeah can I get a 5 piece order of cinnabons please? That’s all” I say and give him the money. “Alright, I’ll get you them right now.” and as he goes to grab them from their little oven thing, I hear a jingle as the door behind me opens and there walks in an exasperated Dave.

“John- oh..uh hey?” He awkwardly greets me as he heads behind the counter. “Hey.” I say nervously. “Wow you look like shit- I mean-” “Dave!” The guy who I’m guessing is John slaps his shoulder. It’s then I realize the wind probably whipped my hair in all types of crazy ways. “Nah it’s fine.. I look like shit ‘cause I’ve had a shit day..” I sigh as I grab my cinnabons from John. “Tell me about it, today’s been shit for me too! No joke, I almost got jumped.” Dave threw his arms up for dramatic effect.

“Huh-” “What?? Are you alright?” John asked, looking over Dave as if he would suddenly see any new injuries.

“Yeah I’m okay, I skedaddled and ran to the car- had to drop the pizza though.” He squeezed past John and went behind the counter to hang the car keys on a little hook that held a few other types of keys.

“Alright so what happened?” I asked and as Dave was about to answer, another guy with black hair and a mean face came out from the back. “The hell you’d get into this time, Strider?” He crossed his arm and asked in an irritated, accusatory tone.

“I’m literally innocent! I have done no wrong doings in the history of ever. I don’t know why you’d immediately think it’s my fault.” Dave grumbled while the other guy who’s name tag seemed to read ‘Karkat’ scoffed.

“But like I was saying,” Dave side eyed Karkat, or at least I think he did, hard to tell with the shades, “What had happened was this,” he lifted himself up to sit on the counter, John sat on a little chair by the register and Karkat stood near John. I was leaning on the counter with my elbows, intent on hearing whatever the tea was.

“Me, a valued, trustable worker, was just doing my job of delivering pizzas. I noticed the address was in a bit of a sketchy neighborhood but I thought to myself, ‘Y'know what Dave? Maybe these guys are alright citizens. Who are you to judge a book by it’s trashy, bullet riddled cover?’ right?” He began, “Then I stroll up to this ghetto house and knock on the door, it opens and low and behold there’s a fine looking gentleman that could be a prime example of the damage inbreeding does to a human,” I couldn’t help but snicker and John let out a few giggles too, “I says, “Hello sir, I have your pizza, the total is $14.99” and he just hands me a $10. I go, “Sorry sir but it seems you haven’t given me enough to pay, I can’t give you the pizza” and maybe he was having a shit day, like- his sister probably just broke up with him or something and I guess that was just the last straw cause dude just starts fuckin’ yelling at me.

Can’t lie I was scared, shaking in my fuckin’ boots at this meth addicted hillbilly hick that’s suddenly grabbing me by the collar of my shirt and shaking me like in a cartoon or something- dude was about to start winding up his fist to blow a punch hard enough to make me see little animated swirling stars 'n shit, seriously,” Dave laughs while speaking, clearly enjoying his own jokes, “And so, since I’m a big strong man, I shove the guy back, hard, and dude falls back into the house. Guess he had some friends over and I swear they must’ve just finished snorting up lines because I could see they had white dust on their faces and,” he leaned into me, “ I didn’t see no powdered donuts.” I bit my lip to hold in my laugh.

“So his buddies come, tryna back him up I guess. They start rolling up their sleeves ‘n shit and, I’m a man who picks and chooses his battles, and a battle between me and 4 hillbillies off a few lines of coke just ain’t a fight I wanna fight. So I just took off running and I guess druggies don’t have good balance cause them junkies was limping and hobbling after me as I booked it to the car. One of them grabbed me and I just threw the pizza at him and kept going.” He laughed and hopped off the counter to go to the little fridge they stored drinks in and get himself a coke.

I looked back and saw John who was snorting and giggling the whole time and Karkat who was trying to hold back a smile. Of course, I was cheesing hard through the whole story. Dave just has this way of pulling people in and the way he speaks just paints a perfect picture for telling stories.

“So yep, that’s that. Lost a good pizza and got no money. By the way, your hair’s still fucked dude.” Dave says after taking a sip of his soda.

“Ugh shit-” I immediately try to pat down any and all stray hairs, combing through the strands with my fingers.

“Who the hell even is this?” Karkat asks as if he suddenly noticed my presence and something about it makes me feel even more embarrassed, like I was intruding on something private.

“Oh uh, I’m just a customer haha..” I chuckle awkwardly and avert my gaze, I could still see John swat his shoulder and whisper ‘ rude!’’ Out of the corner of my eye.

“So eh.. you said you were having a bad day..?” John asks awkwardly as if trying to make me feel better. “Oh uh.. yeah but we don’t have to talk about it- I mean I’m sure you’ve guys got work-” “Nah go ahead, not like we’re doing anything anyways.” Dave says, encouraging me to speak, probably because he didn't wanna go back to work just yet.

“Well it’s not anything crazy like with you, just annoying school shit and I got a big ol’ ketchup stain on my shirt plus ripped pants.” I sigh.

I hear John whisper “ oh my god like SpongeBob ,” and Karkat giving him a down right dirty look.

“Oh and I guess my hairs all wack too.” I say and go back to trying to fix it. “Well if ya want we can let you use the bathroom and you can fix it in the mirror.” Dave offers and lifts the little counter door, inviting me in.

“Our bathroom is for employees only. ” Karkat said, also giving me a dirty look.

“Karkat, quit being such a fuckin’ wet blanket.” Dave rolled his eyes I think? and grabbed me by my arm, leading me to the bathroom.

——————

The door clicked as I went inside and Dave walked back out to the front. “Did they even buy anything?” Karkat asked John who was about to start mopping as if he didn’t two days ago. “Uh yeah they bought some cinnabons- but I guess they’re cold now.” He said as he picked up the box left on the counter.

“I’ll replace them with some warmer ones.” Dave said and took the box, switching places with another in the little oven.

“Why’re you doing all that for?”

“Kat," he sighed, "it doesn’t take much to be a little nice y’know? You of all people should be nice to them, actually, since that’s the dude who’s pizza ya burnt.” Dave said as he rolled the mop bucket to John.

“…really..?”

“Yep.”

“You burnt a pizza?”

Karkat didn’t answer, he just went to the back. In all honesty he did feel a bit guilty, actually, no. A better word was embarrassed.

Embarrassed that he seriously felt jealous enough to do something so petty. After a bit of thinking, Dave was right, it didn’t take much to be nice.

——————

I put some water in my hands and used it to better stick my frizzy hair down. After turning around to take a better look at my butt and see if you really could see my ass through the tear, there was a knock on the door.

I opened it and there was Karkat, holding some clothes and avoiding eye contact.

“Your clothes are trashed right? Here you can wear mine.” He grumbled. I just stood in silence, semi confused and in disbelief because I just didn’t think he’d be the type to offer me anything let alone a spare change of clothes.

“They’re clean if that’s what you're worried about. I’ll just walk home in my uniform. I need to wash it anyways..” He said and pushed the clothes into my hands.

“Uhm.. thanks! Seriously you’re a life saver, I could kiss you- do you want a kiss?” I puckered up my lips and watched as he practically jumped back and screamed “HELL NO!”

I snickered and said it was a joke! Before closing the door to change.

Luckily his baggy sweater fit and his joggers could be adjusted by the strings. I shoved my clothes in my backpack and walked out.

John mopped about half the store and Dave and Karkat were talking behind the register.

“Woah I didn’t think you’d give them your own personal threads, Kat. You having a random character redemption arc?” Dave teased and bumped Karkat’s shoulder, only to get bumped back harder with a “Shut the hell up, Dickbag Strider!”

“Haha yeah thanks again Karkat!” I smile and leave from behind the counter to grab my temporarily forgotten cinnabons.

“It’s fine… uh?”

“Oh yeah, my name’s (Y/n) by the way.”

“Right.”

I stood there for a bit before I remembered my second reason for coming here, getting Dave’s number.

Okay, act cool and natural.. gently slide trading numbers into the conversation-

“Do you- like need anything else or…?”

“Can I have your number?”

Oh wow, how smooth.

“I mean! All of your numbers ha! You guys all seem- uh really....cool..? Besides! I wanna give these clothes back at some point..” I say awkwardly while being stared down by all three Pizza Hut boys.

“Well yeah, me, I’m cool , not too sure about Karkat and John though.” Dave laughs while John lets out an offended “ hey!” and Karkat bumps his shoulder again.

John is the first to walk over to me, phone in hand, “Uh here.. do you have pesterchum? I like using it more than regular texting.” “Nerd.” "Okayy I see you Rizzard of Oz." “ Shut up!” I type in my handle while the other two pull out their phones.

I put my phone away after we all trade information and pick up my cinnabons once again.

“Alright, it’s been nice. Talk to you guys later!” I waved and walked out the door.

——————-

“Soo like… who is that guy seriously?”

“Hell if I know.” Dave answered Karkat before going to the bathroom to pee.

“I mean, the guy seemed pretty nice, maybe they just want friends?”

“I don’t really think friendship is exactly what they’re looking for.” Karkat mumbled. He noticed how when they asked for a phone number, they were asking Dave specifically. He doesn't think he's especially good at reading people's intentions but it doesn't take a genius to tell they were interested in Dave.

Thinking of them as competition is dumb, it’s not like they’re competing for anything-

“Hey Kat! You wanna sneak out for lunch at school tomorrow morning? I was thinking we could eat at Panda Express or something.” Dave smiled and Karkat felt that if Dave asked for anything with a look like that on his face, he’d say yes.

“Sure..” he grumbled and pulled away before Dave could notice his reddening face.

Is it going to be a competition?

———

a/n its not gonna be a competition theyre all gonna kiss and hold hands… #polyamoryftw

[lucysweatslove]

So I’ve been getting nauseous, a little lightheaded and dizzy, and a bit shaky about an hour after I get home from the gym.

I usually do some form of weights which depending on the breaks I take can take 45 min to an hour. Nothing super heavy right now, actually pretty light 5x5s, never going to failure, and with 1-3 min of rest between sets. Afterwards, I like to do a little cardio because cardio is good for the heart and like 150min of moderate cardio is recommended per week for general health or whatever. Then I have my protein shake on the drive home.

I used to do a lot of arc trainer and do like 15-20mi of vigorous cardio since that counts as like 30-40 of moderate but it’s less time. When I started feeling sick, I thought maybe that vigorous exercise is just a bit much for me right now (like I’m getting sick or something? Idk). So I switched to spinning, light-moderate effort (like just getting HR into that moderate zone), for like 25 min + 5 min “cooldown.”

Spoiler alert, the nausea is still happening and I’m getting super annoyed by it. Yesterday, I couldn’t even THINK about the dinner I had planned (lentil pasta, because I actually really like the taste but dislike the texture of regularly cooked lentils, and also folate!). I had to make toast and jam and wait like half an hour before I felt well enough to have a proper meal.

I think I need more carbs, maybe a little more salt too. I loosely tracked a couple of days to see where I’m at with carbs, and unsurprisingly, it was definitely low. Now I’m trying to find ways to up my carbs at meals in general, especially the more starchy carbs, and it’s been surprisingly difficult? Most of my carbs rn come from fruits, and I’ve realized we just don’t have a lot of carby foods easily cooked or ready to eat. We don’t even have potatoes?? (Clearly this needs to be remedied; I just struggle to cook them myself because executive dysfunction). Last year I was trying to up my fat intake since I was still kinda stuck in the low fat foods I just always ate, and now I feel like I’m so good at eating fats with my favorite 2% milk, eggs, avocado, nuts and seeds, not-extra-lean turkey, etc, that I don’t have room for the starchy carbs. But my body seems to be screaming at me to MAKE room for them.

Anyway, that’s why my “dinner” tonight was like 2x my normal amount of oatmeal (with a banana and some strawberries). And why I am probably going to get more starchy foods when we go grocery shopping next, especially potatoes because I love potatoes, and maybe bagels or naan to mix up breads. We have dried rice but it’s such a pain and a time commitment to cook, and we have bread for toast but sandwiches and toast get so tiring after some time too.