#i think i only know one or two other nb people irl

[snekdood]

saw a post yesterday that was like "if you dont have trans women as friends u gotta think about why that is" and i really had to restrain myself from saying "it goes both ways my friend!". if you dont have any trans men as friends, ya gotta think about why that is also!

[felassan]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard info compilation Post 2

[Link to Part 1]

Post is under a cut due to length.

There is a lot of information coming out right now about DA:TV from many different sources. This post is just an effort to compile as much as I can in one place, in case that helps anyone. Sources for where the information came from have been included. Where I am linking to a social media user’s post, the person is either a dev, a Dragon Age community council member or other person who has had a sneak peek at and played the game. nb, this post is more of a ‘info that came out in snippets from articles and social media posts’ collection rather than a 'regurgitating the information on the official website or writing out what happened in the trailer/gameplay reveal’ post. The post is broken down into headings on various topics. A few points are repeated under multiple headings where relevant. Where I am speculating without a source, I have clearly demarcated this.

Character Creation

It is the best CC BioWare has ever made in a game [source]

The faction we choose will determine who we as protagonist Rook were before they were recruited to put a stop to Solas [source]

Certain conversation options are only available to Rooks of certain factions. For example, Grey Wardens get conversation options that are focused on the Blight, as they know more about it from other people. It also impacts how people talk to Rook (reactivity from characters and then faction reactivity from plots relating to that faction) [source]

Faction choice affects a lot of things [source]

There aren't unique missions (I think this means like the playable Origins in DA:O), but faction choice does set the course for Rook for the rest of the game [source]

"body customization and morphing. From more muscular characters, to curvier builds, and just about any shape you want to give your character, there are all sorts of toggles to adjust so you can give them any figure you want". "There's even features that let you choose proportions, so you can alter their height, give them wider shoulders, and much more" [source]

There are makeup options [source]

There are tattoo options [source]

The hair uses a "Strand system" to "make them behave and move in a believable way for the different races" [source]. (Fel note/speculation: I think "race" here refers to irl, as opposed to like human vs qunari or something, as the language they are using for human/elf/dwarf/qunari is "Lineage")

There are 4 voices to choose from for Rook: two feminine and tow masculine (one American, one British for each) [source]

In CC, 'Lineage' is the game's parlance for race i.e. human, elf, dwarf, qunari [source]

We can pick Rook's name, but the dialogue calls them 'Rook' [source]

In CC we can "make a few key decisions that will impact how The Veilguard begins" [source]

"I really do think its our most feature-ful character creator ever." [source]

Story and lore

In the opening segment of the game (see more on the story's opening moments here), we're too late and Solas' ritual worsens, so Rook and the companions go to stop him. When travelling to the next location (Arlathan Forest) in the chase after Solas, the characters travel through an eluvian [source]. The Forest is where his ritual is taking place. Varric then asks the player if he should confront Solas, and players then work to take down the surrounding statues in order to stop the ritual. "I won’t spoil what happens next, but I’ll just say the player and Veilguard have a tall task ahead of them if they want to save Thedas." [source]

Four of the 6 faction options for Rook (Mourn Watch, Lords of Fortune, Veil Jumpers, Shadow Dragons) are "rooted in northern Thedas" [source]

Certain conversation options are only available to Rooks of certain factions. For example, Grey Wardens get conversation options that are focused on the Blight, as they know more about it from other people. It also impacts how people talk to Rook (reactivity from characters and then faction reactivity from plots relating to that faction) [source]

There aren't unique missions (I think this means like the playable Origins in DA:O), but faction choice does set the course for Rook for the rest of the game [source]

A line of dialogue Dorian had at the Winter Palace in DA:I about what Tevinter is like informed the devs' approach to bringing to life the setting of Tevinter: ""There's a line in Dragon Age Inquisition that we always like to call back to," Epler says. "Dorian goes to the Winter Palace, which, up to that point, is probably the most impressive thing you've seen [as the Inquisitor], and [he] says something like, 'Oh, this is cute.' And we had to ask, what does it look like? What is Tevinter if Dorian sees that [the Winter Palace] and thinks that?"" [source]

The fact that Minrathous used to be the land of the elves was factored into the location's design. John Epler: "You can see the architecture has changed. It's become a lot more elven focused. And something that we've kind of hinted at, but we've never really shown explicitly, is the idea that Tevinter is built on the bones of the ancient elven empire. Tevinter itself, Minrathous itself, all the magic you see, that's just a pale imitation of what the elves are capable of. So you'll start to see as you get deeper into the game, the elves, for example, worked Lyrium into their building materials. Tevinter can't quite figure out how to do that. So instead, you'll see more gold and gems, kind of imitating it, but not ever quite approaching what the elves are able to do, and really creating that continuity of the space. Obviously, Solas isn't too thrilled that this world is the way it is, because he lived in a time of miracles and magic, and even the most magical place in Thedas isn't magic like the elven people used to be able to do" [source]

At the end of the opening portion of the game there is a "jaw-dropping title card cliffhanger" [source]

On the opening sequence: ""One of the things we wanted to do with this game is make the prolog feel like the final mission of a different game," John Epler says. "We really needed to get the stakes, the spectacle, right off the bat. Obviously, players who had been waiting to confront Solas have been waiting for just this moment."" [source]

Each companion has their own storyline that runs parallel to the main story [source]

You cannot succeed without the companions. Each of them has a reason why they need to be part of your party, why they need to help you stop the end of the world [source]

All 7 companions are recruited in the game's first act [source]

The firey demon looking guys shown near the start of the Gameplay Reveal are Rage Demons. Demons in general got a revamp in this game "to more closely align their look", this can be seen with the shades and the Pride demons as well. "they’re creatures of emotion so they have a spectral nervous system look" [source]

The Pride demon the group fight at the Solas face-off in the Gameplay Reveal video "was more a direct tie to Solas than anything else, but it didn't escape us how much it echoed the beginning of DA:I". they wanted to show the stakes and the scale of Solas' power [source]

Characters, companions, romance

Harding was one of the earliest characters that the devs wanted to bring into DA4, because she was such a fan favorite. She is this game's 'traditional returning' character [source]

Each character's romance flavor or style is different. They don't want every character for the romance to feel the same. They want everyone to have their own flavor that's appropriate to them as a character [source] [two]

"We found as we were building a story, more than ever before, it's a story about the people around you; a story about building this team, and working with them." [source]

Each companion has their own storyline that runs parallel to the main story [source]

You cannot succeed without the companions. Each of them has a reason why they need to be part of your party, why they need to help you stop the end of the world [source]

All companions are pansexual (specifically pansexual, not playersexual) [source]

Their pansexuality may come through in what we learn about their backstories [source]

No companion romance is race-locked [source]

Companions reference their past experiences or partners, and they reference who they'll become romantic with. [source]

If you don't romance a character, they may find a different partner for themselves. This could be within the companion roster itself or outside of it in the broader world. [source] For example, if the player does not romance Harding, she may get together with Taash [source]

The game is rated M [source]

The game contains nudity [source]

We can start flirting with the companions pretty early [source]

All 7 companions are recruited in the game's first act [source]

It is not until later parts of the game that you really commit to romance and things get pretty spicy [source]

The nudity, spicy things etc is more towards the end of the game [source]

The devs want the companions to be relatable and fully realized. So things get spicy, but in a more relatable way for people than e.g. some of the more shocking and comical scenes of this nature in Baldur's Gate 3 [source]

How sexually explicit the scenes are varies between characters. Some are more spicy than others. They have diverse personalities like in real life. "Some of them are more physical, more aggressive, and some of them are more... we have a gentleman necromancer [Emmrich], for instance, that is more intimate and sensual." [source] "some characters may be a little more steamy while some characters maybe a little bit more innocent" [source]

The romance and relationship system is more fleshed out than in previous BioWare games. A character's romance will be better woven into their personal story arc and into their involvement in the core questline of the game [source]

"BioWare has also worked to ensure that getting to know your characters as friends feels just as satisfying - and that just because you're not banging your buddy, their (platonic) relationship with you will still continue." ""One of the things we tried to do with The Veilguard is it's not just romantic relationship building," Epler continued. "You need to get to know a person before you can really build that kind of relationship with them, and if you choose not to build a [romantic] relationship, we never want to feel like you're being cut off. There's no 'okay, well, their arc isn't progressing, I'm done'." We want to make sure the non-romantic relationships are deep as well, with friendships not just for companions and yourself, but also between companions across the party."" [source]

GDL reprises his role as Solas [source]

Gameplay, presentation, performance etc

The game has a photo mode [source]

Combat is fast-paced [source]

If you pause the game using the ability wheel you can scan enemies to learn more information about them [source]

Each of the 3 main classes is distinguished by how it generates and spends energy for abilities [source]

Each of the 3 subclasses for each 3 main class promise to offer some meaningful distinctions from each other [source]

for this, rogues have momentum. You build momentum by attacking, by dodging, by parrying, and you lose it by being hit, so there's really a focus with rogues on avoiding damage, avoiding attacks. They build momentum quickly, but they lose it quickly. Warriors have rage, which they build a little bit more slowly, but they don't lose [source]

Attacks can be cancelled [source]

Regarding enemy weaknesses, some of these are elemental. In other cases their defenses are more vulnerable to specific types of abilities [source]

Combat seems to be a matter of managing our abilities as best we can to whittle down enemy defenses and take advantage of their weaknesses [source]

Over the course of the game we get access to three abilities per companion as well as an additional two abilities we can slot, and an additional ability that coms off of items that the devs will not talk about for now [source]

Fully offline single player, no EA account linking, no micro-transactions [source]

The game uses advanced rendering tech in Frostbite, nice subsurface scattering, high quality meshes, while having a striking pseudo-painterly look [source]

There are blood spatters in the game [source]

Production values on the game have gone through the roof. It looks like a big improvement on what came before [source]

On the music: "lots of foreboding tunes mixed with epic flair" [source]

Good voice acting, great facial animations, good hair tech, busy-looking environments and worlds [source]

It's not open world. "There are open areas you can explore around in, but it's mostly structured/mission based, sort of like Mass Effect." [source]

There are difficulty options [source]

They will talk about PC spec stuff at a later time [source]

There is probably an option to see damage numbers [source]

There are many reasons why the game is M-rated [source]

There are lots of abilities, with 3 swapped in on the wheel at any one time [source]

There are a bunch of accessibility options and they will talk about these soon [source]

The ability wheel gives you flexibility to enhance your playstyle. If you don't want to use it at all, you don't have to and that's no issue as shortcuts are available [source]

[☕ found this post or blog interesting or useful? my ko-fi is here if you feel inclined. thank you 🙏]

[sorcerous-caress]

So fun fact about me irl I work with children but often my teacher language slips out like telling my friends to say “bye bye bus”, telling another person in my lecture writing to “be nice to the pencil, it’s your friend.” And greeting a roomful of grown as adults with good morning boys and girls. It’s mortifying but How do you think the companions would react to having a teacher!tav slip up like that.

Dealing with a Teacher Tav

[Bg3, fluff, platonic kinda, nb!reader]

[Gale, Shadowheart, Laezel, Wyll, Karlach, Astarion, Halsin, Minthara, Jaheira, Minsc]

Gale

He delightfully plays along whenever you tell him to thank a stranger or say goodbye to an inanimate object. He thinks it's very silly and joyous.

Teachers have always been a big part of his life, it doesn't phase him in the slightest when you unawarly awake the deep memories of being in wizards pre-school for him.

Says good morning to you back, adding a teacher honorific at the end for the sake of being playful while asking if you've finally graded the homework he handed in.

He gives you an apple occasionally. He thinks he is very hilarious.

Shadowheart

She freezes in awkwardness whenever it happens, not sure if you’re being serious or just playing around. Sometimes, you don't even register slipping up as go on with your day, leaving her wondering if she's imagining things.

She has zero experience with the school system, completely confused by the need to say thank you for carriage after it arrived. It's just a carriage, why should she?

One time while her and Laezel were arguing, you used the same call you'd use in the classroom to get the kids to quiet down and it completely caught them both off guard. They just stood there baffled, forgetting their original argument.

Laezel

Why, yes, she is very familiar with teachers. In fact, she was the best out of her class, ask any githyanki teacher, and they'd tell you endless praise about her throat cutting techniques and sword welding stances.

You, whoever, use very unusual teaching techniques. How would learning a song about washing your hand and brushing your teeth help her in slaying her enemies?

Intriguing, so you take advantage of the brain's tendency to latch on to phrases that rhyme, which makes them easier to remember? And you encode your melodies with instructions to embed them into the impressionable youth?

Huh. She actually is impressed. She made her decision, you will lend your teaching skills to help her embed the most effect way of fracturing someone's spine into a melody to spread to the githyanki children.

Wyll

As someone who has been an unofficial teacher for so many kids throughout his years, he can relate to your struggle a lot. He slips up more than he cares to admit.

The both of you meeting early in the morning while still groggy and tired, your brains working on automatic mods as you greet each other with the same high pitched enthusiastic voice you use to greet a toddler.

Then just stare at each other, complete understanding between the two of you. Like two people accidentally using their customer service voice in front of the other.

You struggle to tie your boots once, and he unconsciously bends down to tie them for you while using the rabbit loop euphemism, only to stop in his tracks as he realises what he's doing.

He uses a curse word once, and you immediately use your teachers voice and say, "we don't speak like that here, that's wasn't very nice."

You're both tired, you both need a nap and neither of you brings it up when the other slips.

Karlach

Much like Gale, she finds it extremely amusing. Top tier comedy to her. Unlike Gale, she hasn't been to any proper schooling system, so she doesn't exactly know what most of these phrases mean or imply.

In a way, it lets her pretend she was a part of something like a school in her youth, like she could've had a normal childhood like everyone else.

She'd indulge you, saying goodbye and thank you to the pigeon that delivered her a letter, or overhearing Wyll's rabbit loop ryhme and whispering it under her breath as she ties her own boots. Who knew this could've been so easy?

Astarion

You remind him of how Leon was with his daughter back in Cazador's manor. Astarion never was close with any of them, but still, he sometimes overheard him attempting to give his daughter a semblance of a normal childhood and growth.

It's endearing when you accidentally use your teaching ways while dealing with the owlbear cub, but he'll never admit it.

Doesn't indulge you with it, he has appearance to keep. Well, unless he has a chance to twist your innocent meaning words into a sex or gorey joke like the 12y old humour that he has.

Ah, the scrowl on your face is the exact same one Leon had around him, such fond memories.

Halsin

Ah, you bring him back to his old days of having to deal with the children at the grove. Although his methods focused more on showing them that nature is a friend rather than inanimate objects.

But who is he to judge your ways? If anything he could learn a thing or two from you to add to his skillset.

Tells you about the fables that were passed down from elf to elf throughout the generations, animal stories have always done a great part in teaching him morality.

Do you happen to have any? Maybe you could tell it to the children of the grove, they are good kids.

Minthara

As a noble, she was only given the best and most prestigious of teachers while growing up. Even the ones that weren't a drow would still be considered the best of the best, crème de la crème.

Yet not a single one of them applied such...childish methods. etiquette and discipline were taught by the lash and threat of punishment, not lullabies and gentle guidance.

....it's not as bad as she imagined.

She doesn't get why some of your companions find it amusing. She doesn't bother indulging either.

But sometimes, sometimes, when it's just the two of you, and she is sure not a single soul is around, she will reply with a pun with the most deadpan face expression you've seen.

Jaheira

Despite what most would think, she actually integrated the same methods into her teachings back when her kids were little, it just happened to be weaved with her more dangerous lifestyle ascept.

Here comes the plane, with the airplane usual holding a good dosage amount of poison to build resistance.

A short rhyme about what to check before leaving the house, except the list has a suspicious amount of daggers and trap disarm kits in it.

If it works, it works, so what if she had to alter a kid's book about a honey loving yellow bear into one with decipherable texts to teach them Harpers' secret communication language.

Minsc

Ah! Boo does use the same method on him sometimes, the two of you have a lot in common. Although Boo's methods do involve a bit of biting every now and then.

Say, how about he teaches you some fables from Rashemen, a lot of them are about a rabbit who got lost after not listening to his witch frog companion.

You could use it in your teachings later! Show the youth the importance of good teamwork. Yes, he is aware of the fact he didn't listen to Jaheira and got captured by the cult. No, he doesn't see why this is relevant? Why is Boo suddenly agreeing with you? He is supposed to be on his side.

[lesser-vissir]

I don't think TME people truly understand how badly being a trans woman poisons every interaction you have with a stranger. How paralyzing it is.

Knowing that no matter who it is their first reactions will be disgust.

Marginalized people of all kinds will get it, to an extent. Being a brown man felt much the same in several regards. Being disabled and having to sometimes use a cane can sometimes feel the same. But as a trans woman, and on that basis alone, it has felt so much more total. So omnipresent.

Maybe it was cause when you're Brown there's at least other brown people and most white people are only passively racist rather than actively. But there are so so few trans women and most live lives just as isolated as yours. Aside from the ones I know personally, the trans women in my town are people like door dash drivers, gas station cashier's, and walmart greeters. Not the people at the unemployment agency, not the receptionist at the doctor's office, much less the doctor, not the plumber, not your manager, not your coworkers. Not to mention that time people largely do not hide their disgust for you. Their confusion. Their horror.

And when you're disabled there's at least an aspect of pity or understanding from most people. Not so for being a trans woman.

Those are really the only two other axis of oppression which are readily appearently at a glance to a stranger I can speak on so I won't touch any others.

And I am truly lucky to have found several TME people that treat me well, even if I don't know any other trans women irl very well. But even then it's not the same.

And since this must be touched on. As it always must if you dare mention transmisogyny. I think the not getting it applies to TME trans people as well. My AFAB nb roommate surely does not face this level of paralysis. I know this as a matter of fact, not speculation. And while I cannot do anything but share word of mouth I know that it is not true for most TME trans people to face this universal rejection.

In fact I think I can now pinpoint the specific phenomena that drove trans women to develop the term theyfab. It was never about AFAB trans people who considered themselves women. It was anger and jealously (which I do not condemn) towards the fact that your average cis woman will feel infinitely more kinship with a trans man than a trans woman. Will see themselves in a trans man when interacting with them but only disgust and fear when looking at us. Not even to mention the difference in treatment for AFAB trans people who don't medically transition.

Trans women only have each other to look to and hope for a safe interaction with a stranger. TME trans people have far more support from cis people.

Honestly the only group I feel that gets it would be fat people. Who understand that same visceral reaction. Well, I guess not just fat people but anyone considered an ugly horror. Anyone for whom society has written off because their disgust at their existence absolves them from having to care.

[golbrocklovely]

Yk what I wonder (don’t mind me, it’s late and i am crazy) how many people who ship snc together or shipped brolby in the past would actually go mad crazy and turned out to be actual homophobic piece of shts if snc would ever come out (i am not saying they are not straight, i am saying hypothetically speaking… like a scenario that never will happen).

Ik most of the people do it for simple fun and they do not really mean it, but there are still people who mean it and i wonder… if they genuinely would support snc if they ever would say smth “hey yk i am actually kinda into guys” or they only like idea of sam AND colby (if you get what i am saying). Or how many of them are actually homophobic people who just find snc hot and the idea of them tght just seems hot to them, but irl they despise couples like this? Idk if that makes sense, but ik people like this exist, who be like shipping two men tght, but then would bash one of them if they actually turns out gay….

Ok, i know those are out of nobody knows where, but it’s past midnight here and i just decided to share this little crazy thought here (probably gonna regret it tomorrow) and sorry for bringing up the Voldemort name in snc fandom.

i get what you're saying, anon. i'll be honest tho, idk the answer to that question lol

(this became such a rambling mess good god lol read at your own risk)

as someone that has talked to a lot of fans over the years, both anon and not, there is a good chunk of ppl that genuinely believe that at the very least colby is bi in some capacity. whether those ppl admit it publicly or not is a different story. personally i think he's straight bc he himself says he is, but if he for some reason came out and said he was also into guys, i wouldn't care/wouldn't be surprised. sam would be a bit surprising tbh lol

but the question of "do fans ship snc together, or would they hate them being gay if they were not with one another" is a good one to ask. i think it's a bit of a mix bag. definitely i do think there would be fans that would not be into it whatsoever. and i do think certain fans would be happy knowing they were together. but i think the ones that would hate them being gay with other men are the ones that have always given me the ick. bc they don't see gay online men (like influencers or actors or whatever) as actual ppl, just characters.

bc there is something to be said about groups of women online being obsessed with gay men/male friendships and shipping them together. the dan-and-philification of certain male friend groups is an interesting one to observe (tho, dnp may not be the best example of that since they are both gay and possibly together idk about that tho so don't quote me). i'll say it this way, as someone who is bi but claimed to be straight for a long time - i always find it a little bit worrisome when i look at a straight woman and see that she is obsessed with a gay male couple. it reads as a fetish, it reads as a weird sexual thing in some way to me no matter what. i can't explain why it feels that way, but it always had. now granted, maybe some of those women are secretly queer in their own way and being into a gay couple is just their way of connecting to their own identity. that's a possibility for sure. but there are plenty of straight women, ones that are 100% straight, that are just way too into gay guys.

i'll be honest, i've had this thought for a long time, but i haven't fleshed it out fully, so i'm sorry if this is all over the place. and i do think some of this can also apply to male fans/nb fans, but i've seen this happen a lot when it comes to a popular guy who's friends with another guy and the fandom as a whole is predominantly women. for some reason, they will get shipped together like crazy and the idea that they aren't into one another is just not accepted.

i do think some of this happens bc parasocial relationships make certain fans see these real ppl as characters and bc of that, they ship them like they would characters on a show. and all of this happens without them taking into account how these guys would actually feel or what they would want.

as for snc, i think most of the fandom would be fine with them being gay if they came out and said they were. i think a lot more would be accepting if they came out and said they were dating, weirdly enough. i've joked with friends on here a bunch that sam is really the only person everyone seems to agree on colby dating, and vice versa.

but i do think weirdly, bc so many fans kinda see snc as characters, that's why they get upset when they do go out and date women that aren't those the fandom has "agreed" upon. that's why there was so much vitriol for katelyn and malia. they were two randos we knew nothing about and had no choice in choosing. how dare snc decide for themselves ! how dare colby date outside the holy trinity ! how dare sam move on from the best gf he'll ever have kat !

okay, i feel like i've rambled enough. sorry if i didn't answer your question, but like i said in the beginning - it's a good one to ask. i'm just not sure if there is a clear cut answer to it.

[utilitycaster]

Hi I just wanted to say thank you for putting everything that frustrates me about the fandom’s interpretation of Imogen and Laudna into words. I’ve made a few posts about Imogen’s flaws and how easily she seems to switch loyalties and I’ve been met with so many people telling me I’m not watching the show right or how Imogen isn’t to blame because she’s being controlled by the moon and it’s exhausting. I’ve been wanting to make a post about it but I didn’t know how to phrase it and you articulated pretty everything I’ve been thinking. I’m also planning on writing about the weird misandry in the fandom and how a lot of people don’t like male or male presenting characters if they can’t them their uwu sad white boy of the month and am really interested if you have any thoughts on that. I really hope people aren’t assholes to you about that post❤️ -brjeauregard

Hey! Thank you so much! I'm assuming you're ok going by your handle here since it was a voluntary add to an anon but if you want me to delete this for whatever reason feel free to message me and I will.

Yeah...I'd agree that it's really tiresome how if you actually want to engage with Imogen as an entire character with motivations and flaws, there's this immediate freakout. It's obnoxious that people seem to think all her impatience, grudges, and little snipes and unkindnesses must come from some other source (the gnarlrock, Ruidus); it can't be her cynicism or being cranky due to exhaustion from holding up her psychic barriers; that only makes her more nurturing and empathetic, apparently). Like, there's all these accusations that people have no empathy for Imogen, coming from people who openly would happily throw every other character (sometimes even including Laudna) from the skyship for the crime of having individual motivations different from Imogen's goals, and I'm very over it.

I would love to see more posts about the misandry, tbh. It's a really tricky subject because like...look, in the real world, misogyny is a load-bearing pillar of oppression not just of women, but one of the core underpinnings of homophobia, transphobia, and toxic masculinity as well. What people call misandry irl is, much of the time, either hatred directed on an individual level rather than a systemic one or is actually oppression of men under a different system (eg, transphobia towards trans or gnc men; racism towards men of color, etc). But in fandom, especially on Tumblr which is overwhelmingly female and/or queer, there is this weird hatred towards men (or, as we've seen a bunch with Ashton, masc-leaning nb people) in fiction for no reason other than they are not women. I'm not linking them here so as to not invite weird shit to the doors of my mutuals but I can think of two very good recent posts that touch on this subject, one from a month or so ago about the fandom tendency to reshape characters in their own (often white middle-class queer) image instead of trying to relate to someone not like you; and one from yesterday that does address fandom misandry directly.

It is interesting because it feels like half of the hatred or weird fanon towards male characters comes from a "well I can't make him into a palatable white sadboy" (trying to turn Orym into The Most Tragic when he is just a guy; ignoring Chetney, Fjord, or Scanlan because they don't fit that mold neatly); and the other half comes from hating the character because he can conceivably be treated as a white sadboy even though he's got much more going on (Vax, Percy, Caleb, sometimes Caduceus). Like, there is really no winning. To be fair, there's also no winning for female characters among people with that mindset (see: the entire post that prompted this, in which they must be Good Examples Of Sweet Unproblematic Women who Chastely Kiss, Pinterest Style) or nb characters (will be misgendered in an instant if they do not support the narrative of the fave or interfere with preferred ships).

I think, generally, once people start judging a fictional character, who lives in a gender-equal world with no transphobia, primarily on the basis of gender, it just turns into a slippery slope of kind of hating every character. I do want to see interesting women in fiction! Part of why I watch actual play is because it is a still relatively rare case where many of the originators of these characters are women who are granted nigh-total creative control over their characters! But I'm not going to write off a character with a personality that speaks to me simply because our genders don't match; that's not interesting to me and it feels far too close to gender essentialism for my comfort. And if you do for whatever reason want to watch actual play that only has female PCs, that is your choice to make...but you then need to find that show instead of being mad that there are men on the show with five men and three women in the main cast.

[matenrou-fan]

can i request jakurai with a s/o who is around his age and also a medical worker and is quite soft and caring irl, but likes to dom him in bed?

Jakurai with NB! s/o who is a soft and caring medical worker but likes to dom him in bed

NBreader, fluff, just wholesome stuff;; also praising, beginning, oral (giving), anal (giving);;

NSFW UNDER THE CUT

;MINORS DNI;

SFW:

-Jakurai always loved his job, as he sees his role in life as serving people, but now, when he meets you.. He started to love his profession even more.

-Thoughts about you also being here, working in the same hospital.. His heart flatters every time he thinks about your face.

-You two have so much in common! So caring and gentle, trying to help your patience as much as you could.. If everyone used to say that Jakurai was a guardian angel of Shinjuku Central Hospital, now they are talking about that there's even two patrons.

-Despite you can't see each other that much during work hours, Doc is always looking forward to spending at least lunch break together. Jakurai cares about his patiences, but he cares about you even more, always asking how are you today and what you bring for lunch, how is your shift going and everything.

-"Oh, I'm glad that this man from third ward start feel better.." - he nods and chuckles softly, then takes your arm in his. - "But i was asking about how your shift is going, how are you feeling..?"

-And when you also ask him the same questions, in your casual soft manner, Jakurai melts. Who knows that all this love he is always giving to other people is actually also really pleasant to receive?

-Jakurai never thought about how much he actually needed someone like you in his life, as only now he realized how hungry he was for some attention and care.

-So he absolutely loves to drive you to his house after work ends, to spend the whole evening with you, maybe make dinner together?

-"I read about this new dish today.." - Jakurai mumbled and took one of his journals about healthy cooking. - "What do you think about if we try it out?"

-For him there's nothing more precious than some quality time with you alone, only in these moments he can relax completely.

-You are the only one who sees his whole nature, without this mysterious charming vibe he's always wrapped in. Only you can hear all his thoughts and problems, as there's no one who will trust as much as you.

-"You know, people have a tendency to call me saint or even angel.." - a little chuckle escaped his lips as Jakurai looked at you with such adoration in his eyes. - "But for me, the real pure angel here is you. You're the angel of my heart, s/o.. I love you.."

NSFW:

-Oh, well, he doesn't know his little angel actually would be that naughty in bed.

-For some reason Jakurai was sure that someone so gentle and sweet as you would be kinda bottom in bed.. He didn't mind leading you here.

-So when you suddenly start being in charge, he gets surprised.. And more aroused.

-Jakurai has a fondness for strange characters, and it's actually interesting to see your dominating side now.

-Despite his big height and mystery aura, he would be a good, obedient bottom. It's just so easy to make him flustered as he doesn't really know how to act now, when you pin him to bed and sit on top with such a smug smile. All he wants to do now it's just be quiet and submissive.

-Definitely would beg. Even if you tease him just a little bit it would be enough for him to start asking for more with a trembling voice. (and sometimes you think that he is begging not because he wants more, but just because he likes to beg, to feel himself under your mercy..)

-"S/o.. I.. Please.." - he groans, half closed eyes fixed on you as Jakurai tries to form his words. You are sitting between his thighs, slowly playing with his dick, waiting for what he is going to say. - "Please.. I-i can't take it any more.."

-In spite of his love to beg he's really bad at dirty talking, as he is not really used to something like that in bed. But isn't it making things better?

-"Here, just repeat after me.." - this soft sweet voice made his back tingle as you cooed at him. You just keep playing, talking in your casual, gentle tone, almost mocking him. - "Here, 'Please, touch my dick and let me cum', okay?"

-"P.. please.. S/o.. Please touch me.. touch me more and let me cum.." -Jakurai mumble, absolutely ashamed. But you can see how much his cock started twitching, as he totally enjoyed that.

-Absolutely love anal sex. As a doctor he does know where his sensitive spot is, so he totally tries this several times before. In the beginning it was out of curiosity, but when he started enjoying it more and more.

-You never thought you would be able to hear such low deep moans from your beloved, as he trembles under you, absolutely lost in pleasure. Jakurai don't really love to be loud in bed, as he finds it kinda embarrassing, when his husky voice is so loud and whiny.

-But you already found another weak spot of his. All you need to do when Jakurai start hiding his face in pillows or cover his mouth with his shaky hand is just grab this long, purple hair and pull them. Such a loud gasp burst out of his chest, as he started clenching more, dick throbbing and dripping small drops of precum on sheets already.

-Oh, what beautiful long nights you would have with him, it just feels like you never would have enough of these radical changes in his tone, behavior and facial expression when you two are alone. And Jakurai also just get more and more addicted to you and your other face, too excited to see more of this new thrilling side of your relationship.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello!

So I met a girl this year. We became friends and now we’re really close.

Over said year I developed a crush on her.

But unfortunately, I’m facing a few major problems.

She is a lesbian. I’m a trans masculine nb. I don’t know how to ask if she likes enbies without being discreet, since we live in a more southern region and I’m the only non-binary person she knows. I’m not willing to change my identity completely for her.

She still talks to some toxic friends of mine. We used to be a group of four, but school ended recently and I decided to block the 2 toxic friends, as they’re both very transphobic and hateful towards my identity. But, she still talks to them, and as a result, they’re still present and toxic in my life.

I don’t want to ruin our friendship. She’s one of my only irl friends, and we have a very deep conversation. If I were to tell her, and she didn’t like me back, it would alter our relationship.

Advice? Thoughts? Condolences?

-🌗

Hi! Hahaha condolences, I love it.

Okay, let's talk about each of your problems:

I mean, this is a medium problem. I think the best way to figure this out is to ask, but not directly. You say you talk about deep things a lot, so I would say something like "oh, I came across something online the other day about how a lot of lesbians identify in different ways. Can you explain more about what being a lesbian means for you?" because this is actually super true. some lesbians take 'lesbian' to mean girls who like girls, while some people take 'lesbian' to mean non-men who like non-men. If you ask her like you want to understand her identity, hopefully she won't catch on, lol. But absolutely, do NOT change your identity for her. That's no way to start a relationship.

I feel like this is a bigger problem, because she is accepting people who hurt you. My only hesitation is...does she know? Is she aware that these people are being horrible? Because if she's aware, then I would think about the fact that she's willingly associating with transphobic people.

Let's not go here yet. First, figure out the other two problems. You're getting ahead of yourself <3

Let me know what you think! I'm naming you half-moon anon!

[fight-nights-at-freddys]

“I can just call out a group that I know exists, but thats it, its a group, not individuals.”

but how is what you’re doing here regarding non-binary people any different from saying the same about binary trans people? is it just because you don’t believe there’s anything outside male and female as genders? if so, then. i think the issue lies somewhere else than just “I don’t believe specific trans people”, because gender (and sex!) is not binary. it’s not 50/50 male/female, and never has been.

if your definition of being trans is someone feeling like they have to be/are male/female instead of their birth gender, then… how can that not also be true of people who don’t identify with either of those options? or identify with them only partially? do you just not believe they exist? do you think they’re lying about how they feel or who they are?

you say you can’t tell me that I’m not trans, because only I can know how I feel — but you keep insisting that “most non binary people” aren’t “actually trans”. how do you know I’m not non-binary myself? if i said that I was, would your answer to me be different? and even if your answer wasn’t, would you feel differently towards me? would you inwardly think that I can’t actually be trans, because I don’t fall perfectly into the male/female binary? if you believe that only I can know how I feel on if I’m trans, then you absolutely cannot say that a large group of trans people aren’t trans. those two concepts and ideas are at odds with each other. why do I get the benefit of the doubt, but “most” non-binary people don’t? why do I get told that only I can know what I am, but “most” non-binary people get told that they aren’t actually trans? what’s the difference here?

Okay, why would you question that I would react to you differently if you were non binary. You’re a real human aren’t you? Than I will treat you the same as everyone else.

And the reason I say most is because i don’t know if the concept of being non binary actually exists, but I do know that there cannot be as many as I’ve seen. Especially because a lot of nb people that I’ve seen detransition (if thats the right term) after ten years of identifying as it, and that alone makes me highly skeptical.

Also, theres not a lot of evidence supporting it as well.

But I know people irl that call themselves non binary and who am I to question them? The difference is that I won’t ‘target’ individuals, I ‘target’ groups of people. But honestly enby people are ones that if more evidence comes out to support they exist, I am more than willing to change my opinions on them.

I think that being non binary is the same as trans, because if you have gender dysphoria, and you don’t feel like you’re in the right gender, you’re trans, therefore I think that being non binary does fall into that.

But you also say that you don’t like being seen as your birth gender, i’m not trying to make accusations but you do have a level of dysphoria about that don’t you? And if so, you would be trans.

[inlovewithobsession]

bro i think i might be nb

[olderthannetfic]

I'm in a weird limbo like "have I never had the desire to be in a relatioship or having sex with someone because I'm somewhere on the aroace spectrum, because I've never really had examples of healthy romantic relationships around me and I'm just too much of a romantic towant no-strings-attached sex, or because deep down I know I'm weird and unlovable? were the rare things I identified as crushes I never really wanted to act on for some reason on people I actually knew rather than just safely untouchable celebrities *real* crushes or just some kind of aesthetic attraction?" and I have been there for years tbh. I think I have a libido, because I have kinks and because every once in a while I feel the need to jerk off, but when I see other people talk about masturbation and especially sex as a *urgent* need that presents itself very regularly and can fuck you up if you ignore it, my instinctive response is disbelief, like "you mean that's not just a smut trope??" *Especially* when it comes to sex, because then I'm like "surely you don't need a partner and jerking off is just as good???" Then again, sometimes I think I may not even jerk off right, because I get wet but I'm pretty sure I only had a orgasm once and that's fine with me, really.

Despite all of that, I love romance (books, movies, hell even quote-collages on tumblr), and erotica, and kinky fic and fanart, especially if it's porn with feelings (which to me is really more like... all kinds of heightened feelings, including negative ones) but sometimes I also like "cold prickly" stuff (does anyone use that distinction anymore? Like, warm fuzzy/cold prickly). I can actually get very emotional over it all! I can definitely get aroused from the horny stuff, but usually most I get out of it is aesthetic/sensual/emotional pleasure. Every once in a blue moon I even watch porn, even if I prefer short clips/previews to longer stuff because I find that boring/the attempts at plot and dialogue make cringe. Sometimes I even think "oh, if I ever had the opportunity to try that irl, I think I'd like to take it" about kinks I've read about or watched.

And then, most of the fic I write is smut, romance, or a combination of the two. I love shipping as a thing to do myself and as phenomenon to read up on, and the same goes for kink in shipping. It's all so interesting and fascinating, romance and sex and kink and all the things that go with them in fiction, pro or fannish. My blog is full of stuff like that, so is my AO3, so are my conversations in fannish spaces.

It's just... I don't really fantasize about romance or sex in ways that involve myself. Or people I know. Or people who aren't clearly non-existing fictional characters. The only times when I do are when I consciously make an effort to to try and figure myself out I guess? Like, would I like this thing the way it's portrayed in fiction? Yes, I'm pretty sure I would. Would I enjoyed the more realistic stuff that would probably go with it irl? I'm not sure because the thought of it is already stressing me out but what if I'm just childish/weak-willed/a horrible person who's horrible at interacting with other people like a normal human being? Could I think of a type of person, man or woman or nb, I could try to make an effort for? Not really.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... brains are weird. People are weird. And anonymous or sem-anonymous online spaces are places where you can just, idk, take a bit of weight off it. Not constantly worry if your interests align with your identity (or, uh, I guess attempts at identity in my case) in the right way. Love romantic love and the ways people talk about it a weird amount even if that's not the way you feel about it in your own life, even.

(... leaving aside that having a set of hyperspecific tags for variations on the same subject, if I got what that anon was saying, doesn't really sound like a good way of organizing a blog to me, lol)

--

FWIW, most descriptions of masturbation are very cis man oriented and narrow even considering that. Orgasm is not always the goal of masturbation if you're the kind of person who can hang out all afternoon doing it.

And fantasizing only about fictional characters and/or scenarios not involving oneself is pretty common. It can mean you're asexual, but I don't think it has to. I think it's just widely ignored by sexuality researchers, and only asexuals trying to self describe have elaborated on the subject much. It's a pet peeve of mine that I've sent more than one rude letter to sexuality researchers about over the years.

I think people can organize their blogs how they like, but people going "Unf. I want them so bad!" and meaning it ~aesthetically~ instead of hornily is a pet peeve of mine in the same way that those dumbass people using the "submissive and breedable" meme and claiming it's not a horny thing are. So I'll avoid blogs I notice doing that.

(LOL. As if I'd notice. We all know I only read my activity page and not my dashboard. But still.)

[the-iron-orchid]

Asra for the bingo 👀

Now I will admit that I have. HEAVILY embroidered on Asra in my hcs and in ToC. A large part of that is because the devs left us with half a character by making him the MC's former love interest, because knowing too much about him would inform too much about the MC, who is supposed to be a total tabula rasa. IMO, that did Asra a HUGE disservice, and is a very large part of fandom complaints that Asra is 'bland' or 'boring' (the other part is, of course, racism).

Other thots:

The two poles of the fandom tend to be "Asra is some kind of abuser" and "Asra is a perfect uwu bean who's never done any wrong", and both of these are awful and arguably racist takes.

Asra is a flawed human being like any other, who has done some not-great things under not-great circumstances, because of the very human experience of devastating grief, which he has experienced twice over in his life.

Asra essentially using Julian for physical companionship during a time when he was hurting does not make him an abuser. Asra was open about his (lack of) feelings; Julian clearly knew that this was the case, and was also using Asra. (He literally says "I'll take what I can get" after Asra states flat out he can't give Julian what he really wants from him.) That was a toxic and unhealthy relationship under awful and stressful circumstances, and this is something acknowledged even in canon.

Having them acknowledge this and put in the work to rebuild their friendship (and maybe more) is an important part of character development for them in my view... something they don't get in canon.

I don't ship Asrian on its own (only McAsrian) because of this; imo, they very much benefit from a third party to balance the dynamic.

My most controversial take: People like to complain that Asra is somehow 'not nonbinary enough' because he uses he/they pronouns and appears to be AMAB. He was literally created by a he/they nonbinary person. I have VERY strong feelings about this, as an NB myself with AMAB NB loved ones who constantly struggle IRL with people (who think that NB means AFAB or woman-lite) invalidating their identity.

[wolfstar-in-color]

June Creator Spotlight: BigBlackDog

Hello, colorful cuties, and welcome to our first creator spotlight!!

Each month, we will highlight a different creator in our lovely fandom who features diverse characterizations. We will invite you to get to know them better through questions and answers, Fandom Discourse(tm), and a featured prompt created by our guest!!!

For our first spotlight, we are more than pleased to highlight the incredible work of bigblackdog!!! See a little snippet of this wonderful interview below, along with bigblackdog’s prompt! Look below the cut for our complete interview. Don’t forget to share and interact with this post, and if you have anyone you’d like to recommend for a spotlight, shoot us an ask! You can find our first guest’s Tumblr here.

“I've experienced ups and downs in the wolfstar fandom. It often feels like the wolfstar fandom is willing to engage in discussion about every political issue but race. And the few people who are trying to talk about race consistently encounter this silence.”

bigblackdog’s prompt: I want to see more latino characters who are not impoverished or criminalized. Give me a joyful latino/e remus!

Hello, I'm bigblackdog! I'm almost 30, and I've been active in fandom on various platforms for about seven years now. I'm latina/e and live in the u.s. with a small white dog.

Q: How did you start creating in the fandom? What did you wish to bring into the fandom? 

A: Like a lot of fans I started with self insert fic as a middle schooler. Sometimes the practice of self-insert gets ragged on in fandom, as if you're not doing real character work, but I think it's really cool. And if you're an under represented identity in the traditional western canon of literature, self insert is a radical practice. Making space for yourself in a story that refuses or ignores your identities is a radical act. And that's what i want to bring to fandom-- disruption and self care.

Q: What things about s/r as characters or in their relationship inspire you to create around them? 

A: Wolfstar was the first queer ship I was introduced to. I wasn't someone who arrived in fandom with my own robust queer reading skills, I needed other queers to hold my hand and introduce me to queer ships and how to find them and build them. My interest in r/s was simply a clinging to queerness I wasn't finding in other places. I really think it could have been any characters, as long as they were queer.

Q: What things would you like to highlight about the Wolfstar fandom and your experience in it? 

A: I've experienced ups and downs in the wolfstar fandom. It often feels like the wolfstar fandom is willing to engage in discussion about every political issue but race. And the few people who are trying to talk about race consistently encounter this silence. It's hard not to feel bitter. But i've also met some amazing people and overall feel that fans really are trying their best to be welcoming and inclusive.

Q: What type of content do you wish you saw more in the fandom? 

A: I want to see more discourse that aims at amplifying underrepresented voices like wolfstar-in-color. I want to see more fans of color joyfully and irreverently writing themselves into the magical world!

Q: What is your favourite wolfstar fancontent (fic/fanart/gifset/etc) and how does it inspire you? 

A: I love dontthinkonithermione's rp. Not only does she do an amazing nerdy know it all Hermione, she envisions Black characters in every corner of the hp world. Have you seen her Hogwarts p.e. professor rps? i love the space she creates for herself, and the joy she does it with.

Q: Which of your own identities inform your creative processes? How has that process been for you? 

A: I started out in fandom really trying to feel out the nooks and crannies of being queer. As i've spent more time in fandom and become more confident in my queerness I've started looking closer at some of my other identities-- Latina, mixed, adhd-- and how i can squeeze them into the hp world. For a long time it was hard, especially with being Latine and mixed, to envision how that identity could belong in a 90s British boarding school in the Scottish wilderness. I also really struggled with the feeling that i would get "diversity" wrong. I’ve also struggled with feeling like I have to write diversity because i'm an underrepresented voice. Brown people are often pressured to do the work of educating white people about racism and in fandom spaces that often means pressure to write the reality of racism instead of the fantasy that white writers get to play with. And sometimes i just want to write a pwp without worrying about the revolution, you know? But i really love fandom for its refusal to play by the rules of capitalism and canon, eventually i started to feel like putting more of myself into my writing was another rule i could break.

Q: What advice do you have for other content creators with diverse backgrounds in the fandom? What would you say to people that might feel they don’t have the “right” history/experience/characteristics to participate in the creation of content related to Wolfstar? 

First, there's a lot of content on tumblr that aims to silence your voice, learn how to recognize the difference between cancel culture and encouragement. Sometimes content that seems well meaning still presents writing diversity as a list of black and white rules (and virtue signaling) instead of encouragement for underrepresented voices to share their own messy experience. Set those rules gently aside. Second, fandom is built on the idea that the author isn't the only person who gets to play. we all get to play. It doesn't always feel like we were invited, but the great thing about fandom is there is no barrier to entry, no prior experience or publishing hoops to jump through. This is our playground too. If canon is dead then why can't our stories be brown and queer and neurodivergent? Third, find your people. i've found that having just one other person to talk about race with has made the whole space feel more welcoming.

Q: How could we build a more diverse fandom? 

A: We have to stop prioritizing white and cis male voices. We recognize that policing irl is a problem inextricable from whiteness and maleness, but we don't see that fandom policing online is also a problem deeply embedded in whiteness and maleness. White and cis male people frequently use their discomfort with difficult topics to change the subject from a critical discussion to one that prioritizes their white and/or male feelings. The same thing happens online when personal discomfort is used to cancel or undermine content that's challenging to a white or male voice. White and cis male voices are used to having their needs met above others. And we still cater to that in fandom spaces when we privilege 'fetishization' discourse over racial discourse. When we lift up bipoc and women/trans/nb voices and the issues they're concerned with we'll make fandom a more welcoming place for underrepresented voices.

Q: What’s your favourite thing to modify in Sirius’s or Remus’s characterizations to bring new perspectives to them? 

A: It really depends on the story i'm writing and what issue i'm trying to figure out. Sometimes i need Sirius to be Adhd to come to terms with my brain, sometimes i need two brown boys to fall in love and be happy against all odds.

Q: What does diversity mean to you? What does that encompass in fannish spaces? 

A: This is a hard question! I tend to think of diversity as those voices that are disenfranchised or pushed to the margins. And fannish spaces have all the same hierarchies and blind spots as other spaces. In fannish spaces there's the idea that you can curate your experience to some extent, but for marginalized voices, at least in my experience, no matter how much you curate the marginalization is still there.

Q: What are your ideas about the notions of culture and ethnicity? How do you relate to those notions? 

A: There was a time in my life where relating to my ethnicity was largely a process of recognizing larger systems of oppression and how they worked against my various identities. And for a while it was a really helpful way to frame my experiences. Now I feel a little less attached to ethnicity as like, a monolithic concept threaded through my whole life and more attached to the small things that I enjoy about my ethnicity and culture-- making a really good pot of beans, for example.

Q: Leave us with a quote or work of art that always inspires you. 

A: "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." Audre Lorde

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[shoezuki]

hmm. I still watch (some) dteam content because it was the first thing that pulled me back to mcyt but honestly I mostly watch sbi and ranboo. but I want to weigh in on the gay jokes as someone who writes dnf (but doesn't want the people themselves to get together)

now, im gonna be honest, I stopped watching them as much around the very beginning. I binged mc manhunt, watched the duel, and then it was pretty much all techno all the time, expanding to the rest of the sbi.

when I started writing dnf was around the time I stopped really watching them. because you're right, the gay jokes are just... too much.

im bi, nb, and friends with a lot of different genders of folks. ive got two "husbands" and some "wives." I make some gay jokes, like, if something is mildly inconvenient its homophobic and do the ooo do i like you, bits. but the difference is those are my friends, and it's in /private/.

also, its not like.... every damn day.

I like the imaginary version of dnf I write because it's a way for me to express and flex my creativity. I have no desire for it to be real and honestly would be like :/ if it ever did because now Twitter will really say that they can't be held responsible for the pandering.

and like, I feel like if they did it every once in a while, id still be annoyed but not so much that id stop watching ya know? when they're all just vibing they can be real fun to watch! but then they push the dnf thing and joke about it so much that I just lose interest.

the dnf i write is wildly out of character and honestly I don't give a shit because it's not really about them. I mean, in one dream is an immortal, is irl dream like that at all? no! and the relationship i write is nothing like their irl one! and im okay with that, I dont want them to be like what im writing! because those versions of their characters are mine. and I write it for fun. not because I want it to happen.

anyway, I just. I write dnf and I guess I think its cute, but only like.... my version of them. like, irl they push the pandering so far its a genuine turn off. im just gonna stay over here in my lane and watch from the sidelines. maybe one day they'll realize they don't need to push dnf to get views. one day -tiny

yo like. i dont Like real person fics. i could never write em. but real thats like the Only way i can envision rpf being written in a like. a way i Get? i respect that shit

i feel theres a Lot of it jus. theres no distinct Boundaries to divide fan content like rpf from the Real, Actual people themselves. i always see stuff getting at fans for over analyzing every dream n george interaction, trying to ‘prove’ they arent straight or some fucked up shit like that. but imo it aint entirely fans faults cuz. of how dteam honest to god are........ i have literally been trying to find a Word that fits it. they’re pandering? monetizing themselves as ‘gay’? using it like a marketing tactic??????? its SOMETHING LIKE THAT 

but like. its such an uncomfortable thing to me. i dont think they should talk about dnf so much and If they say they r ok w such fan content thats Fine but. how they literally indulge in it is gross. 

n like i feel what u say on having those kinda flirty relationships w friends like. i had that So much n i still am flirty as Fuck w friends. a personal favourite is flirting then stopping suddenly to be like ‘wait u gay fr? damb’ its Funny. 

its different w dteam though because a) they have a major platform with millions of people watching them call each other gay as a Joke and b) they are So Obviously using it like. a means of pandering to their audience.

i dont want to call it queerbaiting because like. this is a Different Breed yknow. still wack as fuck but i dont feel that term is appropriate. but Straightup they use ‘being gay’ and gay jokes as a means of getting attention n views and God if they didnt the world would be a sexier place

[grxceblqckthxrn]

hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?

Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia

which scene in the book was your favorite?

EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James  (aside from the whispering room ofc).

what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?

ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((

what scenes were unsatisfactory?

there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)

but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later

what made you laugh the most?

matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said

what bored you?

this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem

also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!

what disappointed you?

cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.

what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?

see above.

what things did you predict that came true?

JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK

what are some things that were really unexpected?

ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:

- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((

-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((

-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl

-liking jesse as much as i did

-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho

-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it

- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him

are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?

yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)

are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?

I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.

who was your favorite new character?

does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!

what places in the book would you like to visit?

that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl

did you like the ending?

ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((

what did you think of the epilogue?

i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this

what are your thoughts on the engagement?

i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.

what did you want to see that didn’t happen?

matthew getting therapy periodt

umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.

what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?

i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug. 

what is your favorite pairing as of now?

jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.

which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?

CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER 

ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass

matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu

what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?

ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life

and barbara!! she seemed so sweet 

which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?

ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.

oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies

which characters got what they deserved?

literally. none of them yet. :(

who should have died but didn’t?

Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent 

what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?

okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but

what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?

THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy

which pairing do you like the least?

alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol

what are some theories you have for chain of iron?

- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane

- the bracelet will break (?)

- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book

-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.

what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?

lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)

anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT