#i think i was literally taking it out of the press and taking hasty process photos the morning of the rehearsal

[plush-rabbit]

Soulmate AU - Sako Atsuhiro

Request: Ooooo all this Compress stuff has me yearning!! Can I request a little something for him that’s a soulmate AU - the one where when you touch your soulmate everything blossoms into color? And he’s being chased by the authorities and bumps into a bystander and sees color? He’s so shocked and frazzled he just marbles them and steals them away on the run? Then when they’re safe he’s romantic and also yandere? Pleeeaaase!!!

A/N: Headcanons because I think I wanna play with it since soulmate aus tend to be kinda story heavy, might do a story for this later if i think there's more to be said

-

It’s due to his own need to be the center of attention and announce himself that he is currently running away from the authorities. No matter what he throws at the oncoming heroes, he can’t escape them. His legs are starting to grow tired and he’s unable to properly think as he turns a corner, touching his body and transporting himself into a marble. While it’s difficult to gauge whether the heroes have passed, he holds his breath for a few moments before returning to his size. Just as he’s about to turn, he bumps into you, his hand coming out to steady you- he may be a villain, but he’s still a gentleman. His bare hand clasps around yours, gripping onto you tightly and pulling you close to his chest.

Just like that, in the same moment he held your hand, color blooms into his life. His head aches and his eyes burn, color seared into him and a flood of it overstimulating both you and him. You hiss, and close your eyes and while it be an innate thing for you to curl onto yourself, you curl onto him, resting our head against his chest and holding onto his hand with such a tight grip that it’s starting to sting a bit. Color is around him, painting the alley that was in a grayscale into something much livelier, something so full that it causes his chest to feel tight. You try to pull away from him, tears in your eyes- such a lovely color, he thinks to himself, he wonders if you think the same for him. It’s a bold world, one where you occupy such a small space, in soft colors that flower over you. Whether it’s the rush of color that suddenly filled him or you, tears well in his eyes.

In the distance, he can hear sirens. Whether it’s for him or someone- or something- else, he can’t be bothered to truly care about the significance. All he can truly care about is that you’re standing in front of him, living and breathing and holding his hand. You call him mister, trying to pull your hand away and he shakes his head visibly. The sirens approach closer and he simply can’t leave you there. He just met you. You’re in his hands- quite literally. The sirens grow closer, ringing in his ear and making the headache form that much sharper.

He only has a moment to think, and in a hasty thought process- that he’ll attribute to the headache- he wants to take you. You’re already in his hand- your sweet face looking up at him, the color in your eyes reflecting his own mask, the dim, orange light glowing against your pupils. He can’t convince you to run away from him, no doubt you have your own life, but he also can’t risk letting you go. It was hard enough to find you and who knows how it’ll be if you decide to leave him. He apologizes to you, his hand squeezing against yours. You gasp, and suddenly you’re in the palm of his hand- a pale blue marble looking up at him and finding its way to the center of his palm.

Panic courses through his veins, echoes in his heart and makes him unable to think properly. All he knows is that he has to be alone for the moment. Alone with you. He makes a quick stop at the League of Villains main hideout, stopping in and dropping off the things that were needed. His hand never leaves the inside of his pocket where he rolls you between his fingers. Worry must be evident on him, because right before he’s supposed to leave, a hand grasps onto the arm that holds you. He turns, pulling away quickly and grasping his hand around you. He just can’t be here. Something important came up- something he can’t exactly explain but he’ll be back, he promises to the League who can only watch in a mixture of concern and judgement.

A part of him worries that they believe he might be double-crossing them, but he shakes his head. They know him, they know he wouldn’t run away and betray them. In the same moment, he receives a message telling him to be safe from his friend. Once he’s in a safe place, he places you down worry making his lips raw. He needs to release you, he knows that. In a simple touch, you’re pulled away, flat on your back and looking around the dimly lit room with scared eyes. He calms your worry, his voice coming out in soft hushes, his hands raised as he hovers above you, pleading for you to relax. He won’t hurt you- how could he? He’s your soulmate and you’re his. His mask slowly starts to slip, his charismatic face coming off and revealing a spiral of knots and interconnected webbing that makes him lose focus and his charm. He’s frantic, pleading for you to stop crying.

You just need to understand that he couldn’t just leave you. He couldn’t let you just walk away from him when he was right in front of you. It takes quite a while before you stop to cry and even longer before he’s able to approach you. Your hand slips to the pocket of your jeans, and in that same second, he marbles your phone, throwing it into a small velvet sack where it’s lost with other items he’s collected and forgotten. You just have to understand that you can’t leave him. Not when he’s taken you with him. Not when you still haven’t calmed down and embraced him. He’s your soulmate. He won’t hurt you. You can sleep away from him, keep your back turned toward him. You can do whatever you want, as long as you’re comfortable. Your trust is something that he has to earn, he can deal with that.

Perhaps that’s why you both are soulmates, because like you,his trust is something to be gained as well. He can’t leave you alone when he’s going to go get you food, he has to marble you. He debates whether telling you that people are actually searching for you, but when you thank him for the meal, letting his hands rest over yours for a moment longer, he decides not to. When you start to cry, he’s quick to hold you, running his hand down your back and making sure that your arms are pinned between the two bodies. A warm feeling blooms in his chest when you stop fighting against him, when you finally lean into him. You finally start to face him, to reach out to him with cold hands, whimpering about how you can’t seem to fall asleep. Your hand will graze over his jaw and he can feel your breath. You’ll start to muse about the outside world, mentioning how if you both had met under different circumstances, he wouldn’t have been forced into doing what he did.

Time is ticking. He has to go back to the League eventually and he’s already promised you that he wouldn’t put you in a marble without your consent. Now, he simply can’t leave you. He can’t just toss you back into civilization with the simple promise of you keeping in contact with him. It’s easier if you stay with him. But while you may be more relaxed in his presence, he still knows that you want to be free. You still sleep with your back turned to him, your body curled in on itself. You don’t fully trust him. You don’t fully love him. His tongue brushes over his lips and he knows what he has to do. When you awaken, he’s rough, gripping you by the shoulders and trying his best to scare you. Despite you crying and having it break his heart, he doesn’t relent. It’s safer with him. People haven’t even searched for you. Your stuff isn’t even in your home- it’s been packed and shipped to some warehouse where it can collect dust. There’s no heroes that are prowling the streets, no missing posters- you’re a ghost, vanished in the dead of night by a man who would never stop searching for you if you disappeared. All you have to do is stay with him, let him protect you.

Atsuhiro is your only means of human contact. He’s the only one who’s shown you love and care despite stealing you. It’s safe being around him. Nice, even. He holds you and gives you the biggest portion of the meal, he keeps you warm and hasn’t actually harmed you. All you have to do is accept him as your soulmate, to view color and be with him. He’s sweet enough, a bit eccentric, but he hasn’t ever actually harmed you. It’s easy to accept his offer of a relationship. To offer yourself to him and beg for him to take care of you. His touch is gentle, pressed against your temple, his eyes a warm chocolate brown with hints of a velvety red. He holds your hand, his smile sweet like honey and he tells you that he’ll be your soulmate for as long as you’ll have him.

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

Dreams

Mammon x gn!MC

Words - 1855

Content warnings - lots of fluff and comfort, platonic relationship

Prompt/Inspiration - Mammon has a nightmare and MC comforts him

Summary - Mammon is forced to sit through another horror movie with his brothers, and you decide to go check on him once he’s gone to bed.

AO3

You didn’t know how it happened exactly, but somehow movie night had turned into “let’s see how many times we can make Mammon jump before he pisses himself.” Since you had been helping Beel gather snacks (someone has to make sure he didn’t eat them before he even left the kitchen), you weren’t involved in the movie selection process. You had already told everyone you had no preference, so they didn’t wait for you to return.

As soon as you took your seat between Mammon and Beel though, you started to suspect something. Mammon was flinching at every little thing - from the sound of your can of soda opening to the sound of Beel opening a bag of chips. You tried to ask him what was wrong, but he said it was nothing. That you didn’t need to worry. And since the movie was now starting, all you could do was watch him skeptically out of the corner of your eye.

About 10 minutes in, the first jump scare occurred, and you heard Mammon muttering obscenities under his breath. It didn’t seem that scary to you, so you were about to just let it go, when the next scare happened and he almost spilled your drink with how hard he jerked into you. You thought about suggesting that they change the movie, saying you didn’t like it, but Levi already knew just how much you loved horror movies and was sure to call you out on it. And seeing as Mammon was trying so desperately to contain just how freaked out he was, you didn’t want to draw anymore attention to him and make him feel even worse.

So you decided the best course of action was for you to just snuggle up to him and hold his hand. There were several times you thought for sure he was going to crush your own with how tightly he was gripping you, but somehow you managed to make it through the entire movie with all your limbs and digits still attached and in working order. When you finally stood up to stretch, you got a good look at Mammon. Poor boy was white as a sheet (which is saying something with his dark skin tone), and made a hasty retreat as soon as possible to his own room, his brothers snickering as they watched him go.

“Y’all really can be assholes, you know that?” you said, sending a glare towards Asmodeus, who you were sure suggested the movie in the first place.

“I have no idea what you mean,” he replied, smiling innocently at you. You rolled your eyes at his mock confusion. He knew exactly what he did. Just like the rest of them.

As you walked towards your room, you thought about stopping by Mammon’s to check on him, but decided better of it, and opted to  text him first instead.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

“Fine. Just fine. Already in bed. Goodnight.”

Well that was odd, you thought. Usually he was more chatty with you. The other times he had been tricked into watching horror movies with his brothers, he usually made up some lame excuse as to why he was going to spend the night in your room, “in case you got scared”. But tonight, he didn’t and you weren’t sure what to make of it.

————

Mammon collapsed on his bed as soon as he got to his room, not even bothering to lock the door behind him or remove his clothes. He was absolutely exhausted at this point. Watching those shitty movies with his brothers always drained the life out of him. He had to concentrate so hard just to stop from humiliating himself and giving them something else to mock him for for the next century.

And tonight’s movie seemed to be the worst one yet. He seriously had to wonder what dark pit of hell the director must have crawled out from to make such a twisted movie. No one else seemed to mind it though. Even you, the weak, fragile human, were enjoying yourself. But he had been too nervous to even register the fact you spent the entire movie pressed up against him, as he squeezed your hand for support.

Part of him really appreciated having you there, but another part of him absolutely hated it. It was bad enough when he got spooked during the other movies they had watched together before, but just the thought of you bearing witness to his shame this time was almost enough to make him cry. Why couldn’t he pull himself together? You’d think the fact that he had resided in the Devildom - literal hell - for over a millennia would be enough to desensitize him to such things.

He flopped over on his back, staring at the ceiling, wondering if he should just go to bed now or give up on sleeping tonight altogether. When suddenly a loud “DING” echoed through his room, causing him to practically throw himself out of bed as he struggled to figure out what the hell that sound was.

Oh.

It was his DDD.

You had just texted him.

Mammon sighed in relief, before feeling utterly embarrassed at his own reaction and simultaneously grateful that no one else was around to see it. When Mammon opened his messaging app, he saw that you were just checking up on him, and his heart warmed a little knowing you were thinking of him. But he also knew he was in no shape to see you right now because he’d surely only add to his embarrassment. So even though the idea of spending the night with you sounded really enticing, he decided to tell you he was fine.

After sending the text, Mammon crawled his way under his covers. He thought briefly about turning the lights off, but quickly decided that would be a horrible idea. He’d just have to sleep with the lights on tonight and hope no one walked by his door and took notice.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“MOTHERFKERRR….!” Mammon yelped, sitting bolt upright as he tried to calm his pounding heart.

“Mammon? It’s me.”

For the love of….it was just you. Not his brothers. Not the vengeful shadow lady murder spirit from the movie. Just you.

“Yeah?”, he said as he tried his best to keep his voice calm and even.

“Hey,” you opened the door and let yourself inside. You immediately noticed that the lights were still on, which honestly didn’t surprise you even though Mammon had told you he was going to bed. The second thing you noticed was that Mammon was sitting in his bed fully dressed, with a death grip on his blanket while he watched you enter his room, having changed into your pajamas. Looks like you had made a good decision to come.

“I was wondering if I could sleep here tonight?”

“Huh? Why ya wanna do that for?”, he asked. He had thought for sure you enjoyed the movie, so it shouldn’t be because you were scared, right?

“Just feeling a little uneasy you know. My imagination can get the better of me sometimes. So I thought I’d sleep better with you.”

“Um yeah. Sure. I’ll look after ya,” Mammon replied.

“Can I turn the lights off?”, you asked. Mammon nodded with a grunt, so you flipped the switch and headed towards his bed, using the light from your DDD to guide you so you didn’t trip over all the junk scattered on his floor. He didn’t really want the lights off, but he didn’t exactly want to say that either, so he convinced himself it would be ok since you were here now.

As you settled down beside him, Mammon started to relax as well. It didn’t take him long at all to realize that you were just fine and only giving him an excuse to not sleep alone, without him needing to do it himself. He smiled to himself as he rolled on his side and felt you rest your head against his back.

“Goodnight, Mammon.”

“G’night.”

————

After only a few hours of sleep, you were awoken by the movement next to you. Mammon was now on his back, hands gripping at his blanket, as he occasionally kicked his legs or jerked his head like he was running from something, trying to escape.

Realizing he was having a nightmare, you sat up and placed a hand on his chest, giving him a firm shake, “Mammon. Wake up,” he didn’t respond, so you raised your voice just a little louder and shook him again, “Mammon. MAMMON.”

Suddenly his eyes flew open, while he gasped for breath, his thoughts still frantic and confused. As he gradually became more fully aware of his surroundings, he noticed you were propped up on your elbow next to him with your hand on his chest. Wanting to make sure you were really there, he grabbed your wrist.

As soon as he felt the warmth of your skin in his hand, tears started pouring down his face from relief. You were here. You were safe. He didn’t remember why he felt it so important to check just then. His memory of his dream was already fuzzy and quickly disappearing. But that didn’t stop him from still feeling those lingering emotions of terror and loss.

“Hey, Mammon. What’s wrong?”, you asked. Your eyes had adjusted to the dim light of his room by now and you could see how hard he was crying. Not only that but you felt his hand shaking as it gripped your wrist. Whatever he had been dreaming about clearly left him terrified.

All he could do in response was shake his head, trying to reassure you that he was fine and it was nothing to worry about, but his words were caught in his throat and the tears just wouldn’t stop. Seeing that Mammon wasn’t going to be talking anytime soon, you leaned over and wrapped him up in your arms, a gesture he was all too happy to return as he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

You held him like that for a few moments, rubbing his back and soothing him. After a while his erratic breathing began to calm, so you carefully laid back down on the bed, holding him close to you so that he was mostly on top of you by the time you had gotten comfortable.

“It’s ok. It was just a dream, Mammon. Just a dream.”

As his panic subsided, Mammon adjusted his position slightly so that his head was more on your chest and shoulder. He could hear your heartbeat better this way, and he closed his eyes, focusing on the familiar, comforting sound. Yeah it was just a dream. You were here. You were safe. It was just a dream.

Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, you continued to hold him close as he tightened his arms around your waist. Snuggled together, it wasn’t long before the two of you drifted off to sleep. And this time, Mammon’s dreams were much more peaceful.

[7wanderingpaws]

Mess We Made - second (m)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: arranged marriage au (not bbh), doctor AU, university AU (this chapter only), fluff, ANGST

Words: 12K

WARNINGS: language, unprotected sex, terrible family relations, stalking

Quick A/N: Goodness. This is long. I need to sleep! ENJOY! And thank you for patiently waiting ❤

tags: @byunfirstlady @blackon @puppyeoliepop @in3vitably3v3 @mangobaek @bobohumyonlyboo @wooya1224 @exortedgoods @gureuma ( if you want to be tagged/untagged please reply to this post)

>> A very special shoutout to @byunfirstlady because she rocks and deserves all the best! ><

parts: first -- second -- third -- fourth (last)

Mess We Made, part 2

Gentle puffs of hot air were hitting the shell of your ear as he was whispering something to you. The tip of his nose was poking you in the side of your cheek and you giggled, squirming away from him but his hand under your shirt and on your hip were preventing you from doing so.

“Where are you off to,” he whispered teasingly again, smiling widely as he bit your earlobe gently while his arm tightened around you. He wasn’t letting you squirm away that easily. “It’s too early.”

“You literally didn’t let us sleep the whole night,” you whispered back, still shimmying under his wandering hand. “It’s basically time to get up and my eyes are stinging from having no rest,” you pouted, blinking them a few times to prove a point. You were lying on your back while Baekhyun was propped on one elbow, hovering over you. Baekhyun’s shirt was the only piece of clothing on you. While he was completely naked, it seemed to be his second nature by now. After so much time together, his personality and preferences were more than familiar to you.

“Because I want to enjoy you as much as I can. And because I don’t want you to go,” he whined quietly and you giggled again, turning on your side to face him, hiding in his chest. “I really don’t want you to go, love. What do I do?”

You kissed his chest and looked up at him with a small smile. “I won’t go then.”

Baekhyun returned the smile but there was something in his eyes- that something giving you slight uneasiness. He was hesitating. Usually, he would immediately agree and it wasn’t like he had to beg you to stay; if anything, you had to beg him to kick you out because there was no way you would willingly leave his place and his warmth by your own choice.

“But I will have to go,” you added, verbalizing the sentence he secretly wished to hear but wouldn’t voice it. “Since my parents are waiting for me.” You didn’t give two damns about your parents. You really, really didn’t. But Baekhyun did. So you should, too. 

Baekhyun caressed your hip bone, his hand sliding over your tummy where he tickled you, causing you to squirm once again under his touch. “I will meet you later, if you want,” he said, smiling when he saw your lips widely stretched in a silent laugh. “We can go to the coffee shop and be a little productive.”

You groaned, hiding your face in his chest again. Baekhyun let his hand slide over your back, enjoying the warmth your skin was emitting. “I don’t want to study. I want to cuddle you and kiss you and just feel you.”

Baekhyun’s chuckle was quiet but so handsome. He kissed your neck lovingly, puckering his lips three, four times. His lips were so smooth and soft; you wished you could stop the time now and live in the moment forever. “You felt me the whole night, didn’t you?” he rasped.

“Besides,” you added and leaned back a bit to look at his affectionate gaze. “We have some free time now before university starts.” His messy hair was falling over his eyes and you hummed, sliding your fingers through the strands, brushing them back and revealing his forehead. “Let’s make the most out of that. Just you and me.”

The air in the room felt warm. Whether it was from the activities you did the whole night or because you simply couldn’t not blush under his hooded eyes, you wouldn’t know. But when he leaned in to kiss you, unable to hold back any longer, you knew it was simply Baekhyun’s presence that was keeping you hot inside. With his hand on your naked skin, with his tongue teasing your lips or just a simple smile was what kept you burning hot, passion swallowing you and blinding you at the same time. If you were to keep walking, it was because of him. Thanks to him.

//

There were no cars parked in front of your house as you typed in the code for the tall wooden gate. Usually, there was some guest present but it was unusually peaceful. It almost made you excited because you naively believed your parents wouldn’t be home. Them not being home equaled time to yourself and more time to think through how you would approach the upcoming (dreader) discussion.

Stupid marriage, you thought unhappily as you entered the house. Making a beeline towards the kitchen, you were surprised yet again to find it empty. Wasn't it almost lunch time? Where were the maids? And the cooks?

It was all too strange which made you walk around, what was an obviously empty, house in order to find someone. Sure, your house was huge, and getting easily lost in it was a common issue for guests who were not hosted well, but this was beyond everything you expected.

Making the final decision to check your father’s office, you stopped in front of the sturdy wooden door. No sounds were coming from there, but the wood was too thick anyways. Clearing your throat gently, you opened the door and walked in the spacious room. It was also vacant, his chair turned to the side as if someone stood up from it in a hasty manner. Some documents were scattered around his otherwise well-organized table, so there wasn't anything out of ordinary until you felt a presence behind you, and you turned. You let out a shocked gasp when you saw your mother’s strict, emotionless face while standing straight with her arms crossed on her chest. She was, as per usual, well-dressed, her make-up one shade too light for her darker skin making her seem almost lifeless. You shuddered, but before you could react, she snapped.

“Do you like what you see? Empty house, no maids to run around you nor your family to welcome you?”

This time, you were really startled by her words. “What?”

“This is what will happen if you continue disobeying us, dear daughter. There won't be anyone to tend to your needs, no one to cook for you, to clean for you, not even me and your father will be there if you continue meeting that boy.”

You snorted, disbelief written all of your face as you sent daggers with your eyes. She dared to attack and mention Baekhyun again? “What is wrong with you-”

“Where were you last night until now?”

Scrambling to compose your still shocked state, you muttered: “You know where I was.”

She let out a humorless laugh and you noticed her jaw clenching. “What do you think you are doing? What were you even doing?” She reached out to the collar of your dress and yanked it sideways, revealing your collarbones along with your shoulder. Even though you didn't see exactly what she was looking at, you knew very well what she found there. You felt your heart jump in fear.

“Fooling around with him in bed?” she grumbled and snapped her cold eyes at you. “Letting him mark you? You little bitch.” The back of her hand landed with your cheek, the sting bringing tears to your eyes as your head snapped to the side, your hair covering half of your face from the strong blow. “How stupid must you be to be this irresponsible?!”

You held the abused cheek, biting your lip hard to prevent you from letting out a sob. You turned at her. “How dare you! I told you I will not comply and let that other man touch me-”

Her hand landed again on your cheek; the other one. “Wrong answer.”

You stepped away from her before she could hit you again, now letting the tears fall from your eyes. “You're crazy, mother,” you whispered, “you and father are both crazy.”

“That other man is your future husband,” she seethed, making a menacing step closer to you which prompted you to step back. “And he won't accept you cheating behind his back with some kid-”

“Stop talking about him like he is a no one!” you screeched loudly, losing your calm, surprising your mother and yourself in the process. Seeing your mother was finally silenced, you added: “He is the one I love, mum! I already said I will marry the guy, but you cannot take Baekhyun away from me! He is the only good thing I have in my life,” you cried. Your tears were scorching hot on your already reddened cheeks, just like Baekhyun's warmth that you were supposed to leave behind. 

“The only good thing?” she repeated, disgusted. “After everything we have provided for you - you always had food and luxury! The least you can do to repay us is to do as we say!” she shouted, swishing her hands in the air. “I didn't even tell you off when you kept bringing bad grades home. I didn't bother. After all, you went to a useless, regular high school with no reputation. But right now, when I am telling you to do as I say, you decide to go against me?! I won't tolerate it! You will break up with him, and you will marry Mr Kwon. I made arrangements already, and he won’t impregnate you until you are done with university.”

Your gasp was loud, overwhelming the both of you, but your mother was faster to brush it off and continue with her nonsense. Her words were like a cut of a dagger; precise, because she knew your weak points, and very painful, because her goal was to wound you and eventually destroy you, leaving you in pain that would make you surrender to her orders.

“Impregnate?” you finally let out, voice trembling. “What the actual hell! I TOLD YOU. I am not letting him touch me.”

“Well,” she pressed an ugly, wrinkly smile, “you will have to. We need an heir. A boy.”

Sick. You were sick to your stomach at the idea of Mr Kwon smiling at you, let alone touch you at your most private parts and let him take you. The idea was maddening, and you desperately wanted to pull at your hair, hoping it would be a good enough sign for your mother to understand you didn't want to be part of an arranged marriage.

“Mum,” you whimpered finally, letting more tears fall as you connected your hands in front of your chest, pleading. “Mum, please. Don't do this. I will… I will do anything else you want me to, but please… You can't simply let him sleep with me.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You're acting as if you haven't been bedded already,” she said through gritted teeth. She was so disgusted by you, you couldn't help but take the hurt. Family was supposed to support you, be warm and kind and helpful, but her and your father were anything but. However, it never ceased to hurt you; the way she looked impersonal towards you, and right now, disgusted. As if you were some trash; someone unworthy of love and understanding. 

“Please,” you whispered, closing your eyes for a moment.

“Wash up,” she grumbled resolutely before her eyes fell on the still exposed shoulder, “and hide that stupid mark with some make-up. Mr Kwon will be over for dinner-”

“NO!” you screeched, stomping your foot. “I WILL NOT MEET HIM!”

“Unless you want me to beat you up until your pretty-for-nothing face is marked just like he marked your neck, then I advise you to go. Wash. Up.” She turned around and walked away with resolute steps.

There was a crack within you; it literally felt like a knife slashing through your weak organ that was your heart.

“You’re cruel, mother!” you shouted after her, despite her not paying you any more attention, and you ran out of the office and up the wide staircase that would lead you to the only place you could hide in. Your room.

Shaky hands grabbed at the hair tie, yanking it out of your hair and throwing it across the spacious room. It was followed by your dress, also thrown to the other side while you stomped to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind you. Its surface was cold on the skin of your naked back as you slid down, sobbing.

How many times have you been in this position already? How many times have you cried like this, despair pooling in the pit of your stomach, hoping, praying that things would somehow magically turn over and you’d feel some sort of relief? That relief never came and your misery would only worsen. Maybe it was exactly because of your high hopes, you thought as your sobbing slowly ceased, leaving you with only quiet whimpers and a throbbing headache. Maybe it was because, at the end of the day, you’d have Baekhyun who would bring out all the best and kindest and the most positive parts out of your suffering soul.

The thought of him made you only weep again, but you became determined as well. For him, you’d do anything. Anything.

He said to obey.

And you would.

//

Just before the main guest would arrive, your mother pushed a familiar pink gift bag into your hand. “You didn’t even open this ever since you decided to grace us with your presence,” she pressed through her gritted teeth, holding back from raising her voice. As much as she wished to smack you, she also didn’t want to cause a ruckus just before Mr Kwon would arrive. She needed you to look your best, which you did. “Open it and make sure to mention the gift,” she ordered and took a sharp look-over at your dressed up figure.

As promised, you hid all the hickeys Baekhyun left on you blinded by his passion and desire last night. The polite black dress was hugging your curves just in the gentlest ways, not too much but still leaving a good image of what you were hiding underneath. The colour of your stockings was of your skin, but with a glistening touch, making your legs look more desirable. Hair politely combed, wavy at the ends and tucked behind your ears. Perfect.

“Finally you know how to dress up properly to your age,” mumbled your mother. When you didn’t respond and averted your gaze to the ground, she hesitated before heaving out a sigh. “He’ll be here soon,” she turned around to leave your room. “Prepare.”

You were surprised when your mother shut the door quietly behind herself, giving you the necessary time to actually get ready and collect your thoughts.

The bag, just as yesterday, felt heavy in your fingers and you decided to finally take out the small, cream-coloured box, most probably promising a pricey gift. Sitting down at the edge of your bed, you quickly opened it to find a pretty set of earrings and a necklace. Earrings consisted of two pearls while the necklace was a simple silver necklace with a single pearl in the middle.

Noticing their unusual shape, you could tell right away that they were real pearls. Each piece of irregular shape made the actual stone throw all kinds of colors of the rainbow. It was beautiful, it really was, but not something you’d expect from someone you had never met. It strengthened the idea that what was about to go down in the future was, in fact, real. He was pursuing you.

Sighing tiredly, you felt your eyes burning up once again but was abruptly stopped when your phone vibrated on the vanity where you left it. Quickly moving to take it, you instantly smiled when you saw Baekhyun’s picture and his caller ID on display.

“Baby,” you sighed breathily, eager to hear his voice.

First you heard his handsome chuckle before he spoke: “My princess. Just wanted to check on you. I told you to text me once you’re home,” he scolded gently.

You bit your lip before quickly releasing it, remembering you had lipstick on. “Sorry I got… busy,” you murmured eventually. Not sure whether to tell him about the dinner, you decided to keep quiet. If he heard your uncertainty, he’d know something was up right away.

He hummed. “There was no trouble, right?” His voice was careful, hesitant. He always trusted you but he also knew you would lie if he asked.

You lied anyway. “Of course. You know I’m not that easily breakable, right? There is no need to worry, Baekhyun.”

He sighed. “I always worry about you.” And about your family hurting you. He kept that to himself though. “But as long as I hear your voice and know your fine, it’s more than enough.”

You closed your eyes, desperately wishing you could be with him, in his bed, while he studied and you’d observe him. Anything would be better than the situation you were in now. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” he was fast to reply. “Always. I missed you even before you left this morning.”

You giggled, covering your mouth even though no one saw you. “I’ll gladly sneak out tonight.”

“No. Stay home. Don’t want you getting into trouble-“

“You know I’d do it even with you disapproving.”

“Oh, I know you would, sweetheart. I know.”

“I’d do anything for you, Baekhyun,” you whispered, “in a heartbeat.”

He was silent for a moment. You weren’t sure why he wasn’t replying, but then again, your words bore quite a powerful meaning. “And I’d do anything to protect you and keep you happy.”

Burning tears came to life when you heard his low voice, sending shocks down your body. “Then never leave me.”

Silence again.

“Baekhyun,” you muttered, “promise me you won’t leave me.”

Why wasn’t he replying as fast as he did just a few moments ago? Were you asking for too much? Were you crossing boundaries? That made you scoff. You and him had such a strong and intimate relationship, there was no space for any boundaries. Your relationship seemed to be limitless.

“I won’t leave you, love,” was his answer finally. “I love you too fucking much for me to leave you.”

“Then that’s enough,” you sighed shakily, knowing it was time for you to hang up and face the dreaded. “As long as I know you love me and won’t leave me, all will be well.”

//

The silence in the dining room was one of the worst things your life had put you through. The chewing sounds, clinking of the cutlery along with slurping were the only noises that you heard physically, while your mind was about to explode with your thoughts.

Mr Kwon was sitting directly opposite you, to your misfortune, while your parents were seated in their usual spots, your father being at the head of the table.  It was almost the absolute end of you when the servers put octopuses on the table as the main dish. Shooting them a horrified glare, they could only widen their eyes at you, silently asking for your forgiveness when they knew octopuses made you puke your guts out. Just the sight triggered your gag reflex and you ended up swallowing the rice through the wrong pipe, causing you to start a spree of aggressive coughing. Definitely not lady-like.

“Oh my, look at you,” chided your mother who was next to you, tapping your back with good enough power. “You eat too fast, darling,” she said knowingly and when you turned to glare at her, she only chuckled, taking in your red face.

“Maybe have octopuses,” suggested Mr Kwon with a chuckle as he reached for one right away. “They certainly won't make you suffocate.”

Your presence alone is suffocating enough, you thought bitterly but made sure to break a smile to show respect even though it was killing you. Quickly reaching for a jar with water, you wanted to pour yourself some very much needed liquid when you saw the man's hand in your line of vision, and he poured you water.

“Eat carefully, miss,” he murmured, giving you the slightest of honest smiles.

You bowed your head in gratitude before gulping down. It gave you the relief you desperately seeked, but the sight of the octopuses was creating an uncomfortable bulge in your stomach.

“So, now that we enjoyed the main dishes, we shall talk about some business, what do you say, Mr Kwon?” suggested your father in a friendly manner, connecting his fingers as he rested his elbows on the table.

Mr Kwon nodded. “Oh, yes, we shall do that. The meal was terrific, by the way.”

“Thank you, I will make sure to tell the kitchen staff,” smiled brightly your mother, hiding her grin behind her hand. You tried not to shudder at the tense, over-polite atmosphere, but on the other hand you were dying to find out more about your fate. With Baekhyun on your mind, you braced yourself, ready to fight for whatever was to come.

Your father gave you a brief glance before facing the expectant Mr Kwon. “Well, I suppose we should set a wedding date. Given we discussed most of the business part, we should now focus on you and our daughter.”

“Yes, yes. I would like to suggest marriage once she enters university,” proposed Mr Kwon importantly and you felt blood leaving your face immediately. “As you know, I would also like to get to know her better and I believe that if we will start our marriage early on, we both can earn ourselves some valuable time before starting a family. I also do not want her to steer away from me too much.”

No. No, no, no. “Actually, may I  say-”

“No, you may not,” muttered your mother, squeezing your thigh under the table. She quickly looked at Mr Kwon who had a questioning look. “Would you like the ceremony when her first semester starts? You see, she is a good student, so I'd like her not to steer away from her studies too much.”

Surprised, you stole a glance at your mother, but she was facing your future husband. Your heartbeat was frantic in your chest and you swore you would pass out at the idea of your mother trying to protect you in some twisted manner, despite her fighting you like a wild bull.

“What do you suggest, then?” asked Mr Kwon, his attention fully on your mother.

She took a deep breath and her hand left your thigh, leaving behind a warm, but uncomfortable feeling on your skin. “Marriage after graduation.”

The man in question raised his eyebrows slowly, thinking over the suggested idea. Meticulously, he scrutinized your mother before his eyes fell on your wavering gaze. It was almost scorching, and you couldn't help but look down at your lap where your hands were politely connected. Noticing the sickeningly white skin of your knuckles, you didn't realize you were squeezing them together in order to fight the nerves.

“Alright,” he rasped eventually, causing you to raise your head in hope. “Under some conditions, though.”

Your heart died a little bit at that, but it didn't matter. You had four years ahead. Four years of freedom. With Baekhyun. “I am to do what my initial plan was,” he started, “and that is to get to know my future wife well. I do respect her needs, however I would like to visit her on various occasions and take her out, too. She shouldn't be a newbie to the house where I live in, so I demand to have at least one night with her-”

“Oh, Mr Kwon,” chimed in your mother nonchalantly, while your father shot her a warning look, “let me remind you that we would like our daughter to finish her bachelor degree on time. Which means we wouldn't want unwelcome pregnancies or such.”

Your throat went dry and you almost whimpered at the horrific idea.

“Are you suggesting no physical contact until after marriage?”

“Excuse me,” you said in a tiny tone, withering under the adults' strict gazes, “but this is my life and my body we talk about here.” You bravely looked at Mr Kwon's face. “As much as I understand and respect your request, I do not wish to do anything more until we know each other well enough,” you hesitated, before adding, “until I feel ready. You know yourself that I am still young and have a desire to live a little bit before I will settle down with you.”

“By living a little bit I hope you do not mean finding other boyfriends,” he cut in, the slightest of scoffs tinting his voice. “From this moment on, you are to tend to me only.”

“Actually-”

“Actually,” this time your mother cut in, her hand back on your thigh, wordlessly silencing you, “we understand your request.” She paused and you held your breath. “We agree, of course. She shouldn't be seeing anyone else besides you.”

“And has she been seeing anyone else before?” quipped Mr Kwon, leaning back in his chair, his stance somehow lazy. “Does she have experience? Has she been bedded before?”

You winced and your head snapped to your father, your eyes pleading with him to do something.

“I'd rather not…” your father trailed off, obvious discomfort on his face, “talk about this. We promised you our daughter and we are willing to make the wedding ceremony once she graduates in four years. Until then, you are to pursue her,” he decided, authority now dripping from his voice. “Feel free to contact her, but our conditions are as I stated just now. Marriage after graduation. Otherwise, we comply with your requests to be with her. She won't be seeing anyone else. Do not worry, Mr Kwon.”

Mr Kwon was watching you and that scared you. Was the fact that you were in a relationship written all over your face? You hoped not, even though you desperately wanted to tell him that yes, indeed, you had a boyfriend. You already had someone who occupied every possible space in your heart and in your mind.

“Alright,” said the guest, “may I suggest a little talk face to face here with our young miss?”

“But of course!” agreed your mother without hesitation and in no time, her and your father were gone, both of them shooting you warning glares. If only they could support you for once. Was that too much to ask for? Though you had to be honest. You were satisfied that you still had something you could hold for yourself.

“Miss,” Mr Kwon snapped you out of your thoughts. He stood up and walked over to you, motioning for you to stand up as well. You hastily did, quickly adjusting your skirt, which didn't go unnoticed by his sharp eyes. Feeling your cheeks reddening, you didn't look up.

He was quiet for a little while longer before softly muttering: “My gift looks very pretty on you. I have to say, I feel baffled that you decided to wear the pearls for me.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, but you still refused to look up at him. It was anything but for him.

“I assume you must be startled by the events, but I assure you I won't harm you. In the adult world, it is only normal to follow natural instincts though,” he murmured again as he made a step closer. “And you are definitely a breath-takingly beautiful young woman.” Suppressing the shivers, you nodded to show you were listening. He chuckled lowly. “No need to be shy around me. I prefer my women brave and confident. Like they know what they want.”

You raised your head now, reciprocating the eye contact. “In that case - I am still eighteen, Mr Kwon. I would appreciate it if you respect that.”

“I didn't even do anything,” he laughed again, shaking his head, taking your words as a joke. “But I like it. Okay. You got me. I will ask your parents for your telephone number and from now on,” he paused and leaned in a little closer, his strong cologne hitting your nose, “we shall deal with everything privately. Just the two of us.” He leaned back, checking your face for some reaction. You were shaken. “Alright?”

You nodded, wanting it to be quickly over. “Alright.”

“I'll make sure no one else will roam around you, miss. From today on, you are mine.”

//

It was yet another of the many times that you cried in your bed. Guilty feelings eating you away, the creeping sense of disgust at everything that you had to listen to and become part of sooner than later.

You were trying to think your situation over - how you could trick Mr Kwon to make him believe you weren't seeing anyone. In a way, you were thankful your mother and father never mentioned you already having a boyfriend as much as you wanted to shout it to the whole world. It was better to keep Baekhyun a secret which was basically one step to being in a relationship you didn't want to be. Baekhyun already became a forbidden fruit and you wondered what would happen if Mr Kwon found out.

//

You never told Baekhyun what was the deal between your parents and Mr Kwon. As much as he knew you were secretive and he tried to be the same Baekhyun as before, you couldn’t help the lurking feeling of your relationship's dynamics suddenly changing.

It shifted.

Unfortunately, in the wrong direction.

It’s been almost four years now that you’ve been attending university, meaning the sacred time to part was coming up, and you saw your boyfriend less and less. Even if the weather was nice and all you’ve asked was five minutes of his precious time,  Baekhyun slowly but surely refused to give it to you. He would make sure to make it up later but the slightest hint of distance was palpable in his eyes and his touches.

In the beginning, you still enjoyed each other as much as you used to. He would bring you along to parties and show everyone you were together. You would bring him along to your get-togethers and make sure all the ladies knew he was yours. You slept at his place whenever you could and you were still just as crazy about each other as you used to be. 

It was only once Mr Kwon started to take you out, asking for dinner dates and sometimes even making unannounced visits, was when your relationship started to break. You hated that word dearly; to break. You hated to use that word in the same sentence with Baekhyun's name. But you got the hunch that Baekhyun was suspicious. He knew something was up, he was not dumb. Suddenly, it was you rejecting his advances, it was you busy and with little time to spare. So you made sure he wouldn't get the hint and masked everything. Mr Kwon was not allowed to give you unannounced visits and you had to meet him somewhere far away from campus (it was convenient since he always treated you to expensive, tasteless food in Gangnam).

Over those few years, you and Baekhyun developed a routine; at the beginning of each semester, both of you exchanged your timetables. But in your final year, despite you knowing about Baekhyun's whereabouts, he would either stay later in school or hang out with his classmates. Thankfully, he took you many times with him - to lunches and dinners and get-togethers. Many of his friends there had girlfriends and you were never surprised that Baekhyun managed to win over almost everyone in his year. Because even if you were there as his girlfriend, his hand on your thigh to prove it, there were still so many girls, younger and older, swallowing him up with dark, hungry eyes.

Just where did the good old days go? In the good old days, you would be inseparable. There was no one who could stay between you two, even if it was your evil parents. He would kiss you, you would hug him, he would caress you and you would lay your head on his shoulder. You’d sneak out to see him, and he would create a new, safe home for you even if it meant just for a night. You risked so much to be with him; even now when you were under a scrutinizing watch of Mr Kwon, you’d always go and try to see Baekhyun.

So why was Baekhyun acting like this? With every passing day, he would drift away from you and you felt like you were trying to grasp onto him desperately, preventing him from leaving your side. Baekhyun was always by your side. He belonged there.

You were in your final year now, the beginning of a brand new, and last, semester when you decided to sign up for a fashion design class. You weren’t sure why you did it; the constant doodling as a way to get rid of your negative emotions, you grew to love grabbing a pencil and just let the sharp tip of it slide on the crisp surface of the paper. Fashion was something you always had to excel at given your reputation so when you found yourself sketching some pretty lingerie, you decided it wouldn’t be a bad move to attend a class that you actually liked, unlike the rest.

“But why does it have to be in the evening?” whined Baekhyun who was walking you to the seminar room. His hair was messy and it wasn’t because of your fingers. Apparently he had been in the library since 6am.

You sighed, and hugged your books closer to your chest, the chilly autumn evening catching you unprepared. You loved the deep red dress you wore today, but not only you were cold, but the heels were killing your feet too. “You’re always busy, Baekhyun. Why is it suddenly so difficult for you to accept that I will be busy one evening out of seven?”

He went silent and you knew you hit a sensitive spot. “You’re right.”

That made you feel… disappointed. He wouldn’t even try to fight anymore.

“Let’s talk after your class,” he suggested when you stopped in front of the classroom. There was some movement inside, most probably the professor preparing the materials for the seminar.

Baekhyun’s words left you feeling uneasy. “About what?”

He looked at you but his gaze was unreadable. He didn’t smile but didn’t frown either, until you saw the slightest clench of his jaw before he relaxed it. “About us.”

You instantly had tears in your eyes but you pressed your lips together, praying you wouldn’t start wailing now. Despite that, you shivered. “Maybe another time,” you tried.

“Sweetheart,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I really need to talk to you.”

“So when you want to talk to me I need to have time but when I was chasing you the past years, you couldn’t even give me five goddamn minutes of your precious time!”

He was taken aback at the raise of your voice but didn’t comment on it, nor did he act upon it. “I think you know that we have too many unresolved issues.”

“I don’t want to solve them,” you replied stubbornly.

He frowned. “What? What’s the matter with you?” he asked, exasperated. “You’ve been acting so strange,” he added, saying your name with so much seriousness it made you shiver again. “All I want is to talk.”

“But you will break up with me,” you said, voice low now and your chin trembling. “I know it. And I don’t want to.”

“No,” he was fast to whisper, shaking his head as he stepped closer to you, “I don’t want to break up with you, angel,” he whispered into your ear now, his hands gently cradling your head as he hugged you to him.

You whimpered, dropping your books so you could squeeze his slim waist and hide your face in his chest. His sweater had a pleasant scent of his detergent and it made you feel instantly at home. “Then what is it,” you gritted your teeth to prevent yourself from sobbing.

He sighed, knowing how he must have shattered you over the time. He grew distant, he was aware of that. But Baekhyun was also a perfectionist. He had to excel in classes, he had to make sure he knew what he was doing in order to become a qualified doctor as he always dreamed about. However, him being meticulous with his studies made him lose someone who was very special to him - you. “I miss you,” he whispered. “I just want to make sure we are in the clear. I want to spend more time with you. But I want to talk.”

“I’ve been missing you for so long,” you mumbled, ignoring the few students who were passing by and entering your classroom. He had a sad look on his face and you weren’t sure you wanted to know why. “I’ll come to your place. Will the other guys be out?”

He grasped your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I don’t know. I don’t care. Just head straight to my place, alright?” he said, attempting to smile.

Baekhyun was sharing an apartment with his friends just across the campus so it was convenient for him and for you. Even though they could be annoying sometimes, they knew not to play around you too much, given how ignorant you were towards anyone that wasn’t a Byun Baekhyun.

You nodded and Baekhyun hummed in acknowledgment, leaning in to kiss your forehead. You sighed, satisfied. 

“Enjoy your class,” he murmured, his lips still brushing your skin. “I'll be waiting for you.”

Before he could let go of your hand and walk away, you pulled him towards you, ignoring his questioning gaze and stood on your tiptoes, pressing your lips together. You felt him heave out a soft breath before he cradled your face and angled you up to have better access as he teased you with his tongue.

Someone cleared their throat out of nowhere and you gasped, disattaching from Baekhyun's lips a smooch that made you blush. He let go of you when he zoomed in on someone and you turned to find a young professor standing in the doorway to the seminar room. “Are you joining my class?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Quickly bowing to him, you nodded, apologizing as you made your way to the classroom. Before the doors could completely close, you looked at Baekhyun who gave you a supportive smile.

//

You could smell cigarettes in the corridor as you stood in front of Baekhyun's apartment door. It wasn't the nicest building; some weird people lurking here and there, but you knew he worked hard to earn the place so you never told him how you actually felt about the place.

You typed in the code, letting yourself enter and quickly took off your heels, chasing the very much needed relief in your aching feet.

“You came.” Baekhyun appeared from his room, a big grey hoodie and black pants looking extra comfortable and cuddly on him.

He walked over to you and this time he initiated the small kiss. “How was class?” he asked, taking your bag from your hand as he moved to the kitchen. He was about to lift it up when your sketchbook fell out, the pages messily opening and splattering on the floor.

“It went very well,” you answered, watching him slowly pick up the sketch book, his eyes drinking in what he was seemingly missing out on the past year. Your sketches.

“Did you…” he trailed off, swallowing before looking up at you, “did you draw this? Did you come up with this?”

“Well, I had to present something to the teacher so that I wouldn't look too lost in his fashion class,” you smiled cheekily, sensing the unease Baekhyun was suddenly full of. He let his eyes follow you as you stepped towards him, taking the sketchbook from his frozen hand. “This is my personal favourite,” you said in a low voice, turning the pages until there were no more left. The last page was the only sketch you didn't show to your professor. Baekhyun was silent, but his eyes were sharp. They flickered from your face to the lingerie sketches that you were showing him.

Slowly, he took a deep breath, eyes scanning the figure that was resembling yours unlike the regular ones that you sketched before, for anyone's eyes. This one was meant for Baekhyun's eyes only and he was assured of it when he saw the small “unlock, bbh” under the sketch.

You knew Baekhyun loved wearing black colours despite his favourite one being red. So you decided to combine the dark with a deep, sultry red that oozed sexiness and confidence. Lace was so thinly sketched, it almost seemed like your skin was tattered with it. You never liked wearing thongs, so you made sure the underwear would be comfortable for you, instead filling the space with lace and silk.

It was a luxurious piece that you were confident you could actually wear one day if you would be determined enough to bring it to life.

“You see,” you started when silence was too much to bear, the growing tension made you feel all sorts of strong emotions, “I made it like a game for you, Baekhyun.” You took his index finger and pointed it at the paper where your left shoulder bra strap was drawn. “You won't unlock me until you find out one crucial point of this set. If you do, you'll unlock the entire outfit,” you told him, your voice low. “And what do I mean by unlock?” you asked, letting go of his finger and he looked at you from his side. “You'll get to see me in my whole glory. Just a simple click can give you access to everything that I am.”

Baekhyun was thinking about your words even though it had been a while since he spoke. Eventually, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control something you weren't aware of. “Is this what you did in your class?”

You snorted a laugh. “No, Baekhyun. This is just for you. My present to you,” you smiled at the idea. “One day.”

“How can you be so fucking sexy inside and out?” he grumbled and with one arm swiftly brought you to his chest, his hand tightly gripping your waist. His eyes flickered all over your features, taking in the make-up and the red lipstick that you knew he adored so much. How could he let himself ignore you when you were a full meal, a huge prey for any man with bad and good intentions? How could he not appreciate you every single day and tell you that he loved you and wanted to make love to you every single time he saw you?

You smiled up at him and he lost it. Despite the trouble and negative tension he created, you still dared to smile at him?

He claimed your lips, catching you by surprise but you moaned instantly when you felt his hands drag downwards over your hips and bum until reaching the backside of your thighs. Both of you were so familiar with each other's actions, that Baekhyun didn't have to tell you to jump anymore. You did so without his order and when he had you in his arms, you felt him right at your center instantly. You gasped, reacting to his body as you tried to shimmy your middle over him and he grunted into the kiss.

“Jesus, what are you doing to me, woman,” he breathed, his lips glistening with your mixed saliva before cradling your cheek with one hand, bringing you in for another dirty kiss.

You whined, growing wet right away. Squeezing his waist with your legs, he clumsily put you on the counter, accidentally knocking over some cups, but neither of you cared. Baekhyun was kissing your jaw, slowly making his way to your ear into which he whispered: “I need to fuck you right now.” He bit your earlobe and you moaned, wanting to close your legs but his hands were already pushing them apart. Your dress hiked up to your hips, revealing your underwear and you fumbled with his pants, your hands already inside to bring him out. Upon touching him, you gasped, looking at your boyfriend. He was hard.

“It's what you do to me all the damn time,” he whispered, panting when he felt your light touch. “I told you years ago, didn't I?” he smirked and pushed your hand away, instead his hands grabbing you under your knees and yanking you to the edge so he could have better access. You whimpered, clenching around nothing when he pushed the crotch of your panties aside and felt his middle finger teasing you by letting it dip but not quite enter. “So wet,” he breathed, looking at your blushed face. “Let’s dive, shall we?” he murmured, grabbing himself. You circled your arms around his neck, face buried in his neck as you felt him poke you. Lubricating himself he made sure to spread your arousal all over your womanhood. You whimpered and he finally pushed in. Both of you moaned in unison, the stretch so pleasurable it made you almost see stars.

“Mmhhmm, you feel so good,” you moaned, closing your eyes and biting his earlobe. He was quick to reply when he set up a fast pace, chasing his release.

Both of you were panting, neither of you speaking as you were indulged in each other. Feeling the sweat prickling around your hairline, you kissed Baekhyun, who grunted, pushing extra deep and hitting your g-spot. You let go of the kiss with a smooch, moaning loudly into his mouth which he swallowed, his forehead pressed to yours. “Is it good? Am I making you feel good?” he breathed, puffs of air hitting your lips.

“Yes, yes, you do,” you exhaled harshly as he slowed down, circling his hips to make sure he was touching every corner of you. You arched your back, your head hitting the cupboards you forgot were behind you. Just like that, both of you were laughing like crazy, Baekhyun smiling widely as he kissed your exposed neck while still deep inside you.

You cursed, still giggling. Bringing your face back, you took his face into your hands and kissed him as he took himself out of you completely and then slammed back in right away.

“I’m so fucking close,” he whispered between messy kisses. “I swear I'm gonna cum right now, princess.”

You wanted to tell him to wait for you, but instead you lead him on. “Then cum.”

“Should I pull out?” The urgency of his voice as he kept thrusting into you made you momentarily dizzy. He felt so good. “No, don’t pull out,” you breathed and he groaned loudly, hiding his face in your chest as was his habit when he was releasing. Exactly then, you felt hot spurts pumping into you. You felt so full but the satisfaction was anywhere near. You chose not to act up on your frustration, instead deciding to enjoy seeing Baekhyun in a bliss.

“I don't remember when was the last time I came this hard,” he told you, stilling completely, his breath fanning your lips as he was slowly coming down from his high. After a few moments, he kissed you sweetly. “Sorry, baby. Let me-”

“No, don’t,” you said, the wetness leaking out of you and on the counter. His hand hovered above your bundle of nerves just above where he disappeared inside you. “It's fine.”

“But you didn’t cum,” he muttered, embarrassed. “Sorry… this is so ridiculous.”

“Don't be silly,” you said with a gentle tone and brushed his hair out of his sweaty forehead and leaned in to kiss it. “You're so gorgeous, Baekyhun,” you told him when he finally focused his shy gaze on you. In response, he squeezed your thighs he was holding onto the whole time. The iron grip eased up into a gentle hold. You were sure you would bruise but damn, you didn't care.

He smiled and that was your biggest present. His smile that was meant for you. “The one who is gorgeous is you. You made me cum so fast with just the idea of you wearing that lingerie… I'll make it up to you, I promise,” he whispered, kissing you again as he pulled out of you, once again causing you to moan at the friction.

Baekhyun cleaned up the mess quickly and sent you to wash up but before you could saunter off, he held your hand. “Stay over tonight,” he requested softly.

Feeling yourself smile even wider, you gratefully accepted.

//

After eating dinner, it was already too late, so both of you moved to Baekhyun's room, deciding to talk like you wanted to. 

He lent you his clothes and you relished in the feeling of getting lost in his hoodie. When he lied down, he opened his arms for you to find comfort in and you were fast to jump at him, causing him to grunt at the impact which made you giggle.

“Are you trying to say I’m heavy!” you shrieked in mock anger, hitting his chest gently, and Baekhyun laughed.

“No, never,” he hummed when you settled in, resting your head on his chest. His heartbeat sounded a little irregular.

Your mood instantly deflated. “So,” you started, drawing circles on his pectoral with your finger. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

He sighed gently and you felt his breath on your forehead. “I don’t know how to begin.”

“From the start.”

Baekhyun clicked his tongue at your reply and you smiled though it didn’t quite reach your eyes. “You’re a teasing little thing, aren’t you, my love.”

My love.

If he called you his love it meant he wouldn’t break up with you, right?

“I just feel like …” he trailed off, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. “You’re in your final year.”

That sentence spoke volumes to you. The meaning behind it meant only one thing and it was that only thing you’d been trying to fight against and refuse to accept. Your time with Baekhyun was almost up.

“Won’t you say something?” he asked softly when there was no answer from you.

This time you were the one who sighed and gently pushed yourself out of his grasp, to sit up facing him.

He mirrored you and sat opposite you. “Baby, what is going to happen?”

“I don’t know,” you murmured, lowering your head. “I mean-“ you looked up. “I won’t leave you, that’s all I know for sure.”

Baekhyun wasn’t satisfied with your answer. After all, you had the same answer years ago. He called your name. “We cannot do this forever, you know? Both of us deserve to know where we stand. It’s weird that you’ve been promised to that man but there is no news about when you are supposed to get married?” he rumbled though his voice wasn’t accusative.

Biting your lip, you avoided his eyes again by looking down.

“You know stuff, don’t you.”

You grit your teeth.

“What aren’t you telling me, hm?” He waited for a moment and when you still refused to talk, he took a deep breath. “I can’t believe you’ve known stuff and not tell me!”

This time, he sounded angry. “No, Baek, it’s not like that! I- yes, I’m supposed to be marrying him after I graduate but-“

“There is no but. There is only a period. You are marrying him after you graduate. Period.”

Your heart broke into two. Baekhyun was frowning, hurt flashing in his eyes as his jaw pulsed with how hard he was clenching it. His lips, those lips, were set into a hard line and there was no way to make him look happy like he once used to when he was with you.

“Baekhyun,” you tried, voice thin, “I already told you I’m not letting you go.”

“You seriously think about yourself only, don’t you,” he responded coldly, disbelief painting his voice. “You really don’t care what it means for me to sneak behind some rich dude who can give you anything you point at! I have my own pride. I can’t bear to share you with someone-“

“Baekhyun, I won’t let him touch me! I won’t let him do anything! You won’t be sharing me with anyone! My heart belongs to you and you know it,” you said, tears burning up in your eyes. “I love you so much,” you whispered before your voice could break. 

Baekhyun was holding back, you could tell. His lips quivered but he didn’t make any effort to reach out for you. His eyes glistened. “Don’t marry him.”

You groaned inwardly. “You know I can’t do that.”

“So you’ve been going behind your parents the entire time, seeing me despite their protests and when I ask you not to marry him, you suddenly want to comply?”

“It’s for business,” you reminded him, “I didn’t choose this myself if that’s what you’ve been thinking.”

“I don’t care! I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you more than he can ever give you,” he said hurriedly and you let out a small gasp because Baekhyun was usually anything but desperate. He was the collected one, but now he was anything but.

“I’ll never leave you,” you promised shuffling to him, taking his face in your cold hands. “Please know that, Baekhyun. I won’t let him do anything. It’s just a status. That's all.”

His eyes were frantically flickering between yours, as if searching for something more than there was. “How can you just marry him when you barely ever saw him?”

And now was the time where you could start feeling guilty. It was on you. This was your fault and given how well Baekhyun knew you, he would read right into it. It got confirmed when he pulled away from you, your hands dropping.

“What else aren't you telling me?” he said in a low voice now completely withdrawing away from you and pushing himself up against the headboard.

“Baekhyun-”

“Just tell me already!”

You winced, quickly shutting your mouth. “We sometimes meet because he… eh, he just wants to get to know me better. That's it, he just asks me questions an-and I answer,” you replied shakily, brushing your hair behind your ear. “There is nothing, I swear. I deserve to know what kind of man I am marrying, too,” you added, looking up at your boyfriend whose gaze was set somewhere behind you.

“Has this been happening the entire time?” he asked quietly.

“Since the start of the uni.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Fucking awesome. Congratulations.”

“Baekhyun,” you said, this time strictly. “What the hell is wrong with you? I've been begging to meet you the whole past year and you always found some bullshit excuse for studying and actually you know what? Who knows what you'd been doing during those times!” you exclaimed, the idea of him being with someone else sending you into a rage.

“The fuck? As if I would cheat on you!” he shouted back, sending daggers your way. “I've been in a relationship with someone who was never supposed to be mine! Tell me, sweetcheeks, how does that sound to you? I'm saving myself for you while I know the entire time that I'll be on the loose end. I'm the pathetic one. I am the one who will lose. Not you,” he said in a menacing tone. “So before you start to throw shit at me, I would look in the mirror if I were you.”

“Byun Baekhyun!” you shouted.

He raised an eyebrow. “What. You don't like to hear the truth? Well, this is it. And I have lost my mind, finally. I've been too goddamn blinded by your hope when I knew the whole time it would be fruitless. I cannot do this anymore!”

By then you were sobbing. The last sentence sent you into fits of cries that you couldn't suppress no matter how hard you tried, and it hurt. Byun Baekhyun's words hurt like hell. Hiding your face in your hands, you felt the wetness of your tears pooling in your palms, hoping he would stop being angry with you and just take you in his arms and take his words back.

It didn't happen.

Slowly, you moved your hands away to see him stare at you, hard gaze, lips sealed tightly. “Baby,” you tried, reaching for him. More tears fell from your eyes but you didn't care anymore. He had seen you cry so many times and he was always there to comfort you. This time you were crying because of him and he wouldn't even move a finger for you. “Baby, please.”

“You said you deserve to know him better, too,” he said. “So it is that important to you - that you need to know him.”

“Of course,” you replied with a nasal voice, “what if he is a psychopath.”

He laughed bitterly. “Right. What if he is. How the fuck would you know - you are marrying him anyway! So why is it so important to you to let him get to know you? And you him?”

“It's just the way the deal went, okay?”

“No, it's not okay,” he spat. “You're going against your own word. “You told me there would be nothing happening until you graduate and you were with him behind my back.”

It was your turn to scoff now, though your face was splotchy. “Because you were waiting for me so much!”

“Don't you dare turn this against me,” he muttered in a low tone which left you shocked. This was the first time Baekhyun used that kind of tone with you. In fact, this was your first time fighting this ugly. “This is about you. About your fucking family. About them wanting to destroy us!”

“And it's obviously working!” You threw your hands up. “Just look at you now! You're doing exactly what they want you to be doing! They so desperately wish for you to hurt me so I could dump you,” you shouted, more tears rolling down your hot cheeks. “I guess they were right after all.”

“Right in what,” he snapped again, glaring at you.

You stood up, unable to keep fighting with him. He watched you wordlessly as you picked up your bag where you had your school books. “You're just using me. I guess I was just money to you as well!” You were seething as you yanked his door open and rushed straight for the door.

Sensing someone in the kitchen, you stopped abruptly for a moment, seeing Park Chanyeol staring at you in shock while he took in your state.

You shook your head, not bothering to say hi to him as you went to grab your shoes just to realize you came in heels. “Fuck,” you muttered. Well, Baekhyun's vans would have to do. Grabbing them, you tied both shoes tightly so you wouldn't fall as you rushed to grab the door when you felt a hand grab your wrist instead.

You looked back, making out Baekhyun's features through tears. “Let go,” you snapped, trying to shake him off.

“Where are you going this late?!”

“Anywhere is better than here with you! I cannot stay with you, Baekhyun!” you shouted, finally yanking him off harshly enough so his hand slipped.

You slammed the door shut and Baekyhun was met with silence. Throwing a single, helpless gaze at his friend was enough for Chanyeol to nod and move. “I'll go after her,” he reassured Baekhyun who seemed to be on the verge of mental breakdown.

Baekhyun just nodded, watching Chanyeol leave and hoping you wouldn't actually break up with him.

//

You were marching down the dark street, ignoring the anxiety creeping in from the silent, empty streets. They were eerie and scary and you hated walking down them at such a late hour but there was no way you could stay at Baekhyun's.

Fast steps brought you back to the present and your heart almost jumped out of your rib cage when you felt someone taking your wrist again. Hope spiked up, expecting to see Baekhyun but it was Park Chanyeol.

He turned you to him gently, little out of breath from trying to catch up with you. “You sure walk fast,” he commented.

He let go of your wrist and you sighed, looking at him with expectation. “What do you want, Park?”

“I just wanted to make sure you're fine,” he said rather shyly.

“I'm just fine,” you insisted, “I will go home now. Go back, it's late.”

“I'll take you home,” he said and to prove a point he clinked with his car keys. “Though it's not the best car out there, it will do the job.”

You rolled your eyes. “I always knew all of you were judging me for my status. And don't bother. I know you're only doing this because of Baekhyun. Well, you don't need to do this.”

“He would skin me alive,” he whispered, horrified. “And he is now too good with the scalpel. I wouldn’t dare.”

“I don't want your help unless it's something you actually want to do, Park Chanyeol,” you muttered through gritted teeth, feeling another wave of tears threatening to spill. “You just made it worse. Leave.”

“It’s late.”

“I don't care. I need to be alone right now.”

“For your information, we all know how much he cherishes you,” he started. “Whenever he would reject you, he would study but not really focus. He keeps talking only about you. We don’t judge you for money but for how much you occupy our space even if you aren't there. That dude is just bewitched by you and I don't know how you managed to do it, to be honest. He is the coldest guy to any other opposite sex beside you.”

“What are you trying to say, Park Chanyeol?”

He sighed and gave you a pointed look. “Baekhyun sacrificed a lot for you. He is so loyal to you despite all the matters you guys have. He never told us but we have a hunch. Just… don’t go breaking his heart.”

“I am not breaking his heart!” you said loudly, tears rolling down your cheeks. “He doubts my feelings.”

“He doesn't. He is insecure.”

“How can he be insecure? All I ever wanted was to be with him.”

Chanyeol stepped closer to you, causing you to tilt your head back further. “Then go back and amend the mess you made.”

“It's not just my mess. It's ours. We made it. He should know what he told me was wrong.”

“All he ever did was listen to you! What makes you think that guy has unlimited patience? He doesn't! So go back, and make it right again!”

You let out a loud groan, turning away from him. You tapped your foot on the concrete, thinking hard though you were close to exasperation. Turning back to Baekhyun's friend, you muttered: “Since you brought those keys, take me on a drive. I’ll sponsor the gas.”

//

It was already late when you returned back but at least you managed to clear up your mind. Quietly slipping back inside his dark room, you saw him lying in bed, his back turned to you. Putting your bag quietly down on the floor, you slipped under the comforter, your arms and legs hugging him like a koala bear.

You thought he was asleep or worse, that he’d ignore you, but he moved almost as soon as you hugged him, turning in your embrace, pushing his leg between yours and his hand circling your waist, his hand on the skin of your lower back. It was pitch black in the room, but once you felt his hot breath on your mouth and then the moisture of his lips on yours, you didn't need to see. You just felt. He kissed you and poured all of his apologies, regrets and forgiveness in the kiss. You returned the kiss just as fervently, feeling his warm hand on your cheek, his fingers in your hair while his thumb smoothed the skin under your eye. He shuffled himself closer and hummed when you darted out your tongue. He sucked on your lip a little longer before opening his mouth to let you in, and you took your time in exploring him, twirling and sucking on his tongue while you felt his arm tightening around you, his hand under your hoodie as he caressed you under your breast. In the quietness of his room there were just the slick sounds of your making out. 

When you couldn't keep going anymore, you separated, your mouth fully wet from your mixed saliva as you panted loudly. You felt him pressing his forehead to yours and you sighed in relief.

“I'm so sorry, princess,” he whispered, nuzzling your nose gently, dragging his leg up so he could rest it on your thigh. “I was a fool.”

“No,” you whispered back, wishing you could see him better. “You merely stated the facts. It's all on me.”

“We both screwed up,” he added, “but fuck.” He gave your cheek a small, open-mouthed kiss, sending shivers down your spine, “I can't imagine you leaving me and being with him. I can't.”

You wanted to reply to him and to ease his mind that you wouldn't, but you would lie. The more you would keep to yourself, the more you would end up hurting the most precious person in your life.

“I'm so sorry. None of what I said is true,” you managed to blurt, unable to come up with anything more. “I keep breaking you. I'm so sorry.”

“Shh, baby,” he whispered urgently, his hand that was resting on your cheek slipping to the back of your head to bring you closer. You hid your face in his chest while he hid his in your neck. “You're not breaking me. You're breaking me if I'm not with you.”

You snuggled closer to him and he sighed, hugging you tighter. “My precious gem, I love you,” he whispered into your ear. To make your body contact more intimate, you also hid your hands under his hoodie, feeling his muscles contracting at your delicate touch. “You're mine.”

//

Few days later you received a message. It was from Mr Kwon and you groaned, stopping on your way to another class.

I request a lunch with you today

My driver will pick you up at 12

I know you're not supposed to be having classes

You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you pushed your phone back into your bag and headed inside the classroom. Even if you would reject him, he wouldn't accept it, so you might as well not bother with replying.

However, you were shocked when the driver came all the way to your classroom as all the students were pouring out and heading for lunch. You knew Mr Kwon's driver and even though he was polite, you didn't like the looks he was giving you whenever he saw you wearing skirts, like for instance, now.

He escorted you to the expensive restaurant where they were already waiting for you. Upon spotting you, the staff rushed towards you and led you to Mr Kwon who was already seated, his hands clasped together as his elbows rested on the table. He stood up, giving you a polite bow as he helped you sit down.

When he was opposite you, he said: “Pleasure to see you. How have you been the past few days we didn't see each other?”

You suppress a tired sigh. “I've been fine, thank you.”

“Oh, have you, now?” he questioned, his eyebrow lifting. His eyes were telling you something he wasn't verbalizing and it put you into unease right away.

Smiling, you muttered: “Yes, but thank you for your concern.”

“No issues with your friends?”

His stupid inquisition was starting to annoy you. “Excuse me? Could you please speak more explicitly?”

“I thought you'd never ask,” he smirked and took out an envelope from the inside of his cardigan and handed it to you over the table.

With uncertainty, you accepted it and opened it, not wasting time in trying to understand his mysterious words. There were photos. Frowning, you inspected them better and you were shocked when you saw it was you with a tall male. Park Chanyeol. It must have been that night when you fought with Baekhyun. Your breath hitched in your throat when you realized this man had you followed by someone. 

You opened your mouth to talk but he cut through like a knife. “I was wondering where did you receive such a - how shall I put it - passionate bruise on your neck the last time I saw you. Turns out you're sleeping around with someone.”

It felt like he just threw a bucket of icy cold water on you. The idea of him having you followed, of him not trusting you and rudely breaking into your privacy as if you were some object he could manipulate and decide whom to meet and whom to not meet was driving you up the wall.

“You don't have anything to defend yourself?” he asked sharply. “How long have you been seeing that man?”

You swallowed on a dry throat. Mr Kwon thought your boyfriend was Park Chanyeol? That was good. As long as he had no knowledge about Baekhyun, you didn't care. “I… it's been…”

“Jesus Christ, I really didn't think you would be a whore,” he snickered, eyeing you up and his eyes eventually resting on your cleavage. “You were acting all innocent and brave just a few years ago and attending university changed you so much. I wanted to be the only one who would bed you,” he sneered and you felt a bile rising in your stomach.

“What- Excuse me?! Who do you think you are?!” you exclaimed, horrified. “Don't you dare think of me that way.” You stood up and wanted to scream when you saw his eyes drinking up your thighs that got revealed as your skirt hiked up. “A deal is a deal. You don't have any rights to treat me like this. And you can bet you aren't going to boss me around once we are married. I'll easily reject the marriage, too.”

Mr Kwon was fast up on his feet to walk over to you. “Well, if you do, your parents are as good as dead. Their business is in shackles, young lady. So unless you want them to be able to afford some food and have a roof over their heads, I advise you to respect me,” he was talking so fast you could barely register his touch on your hip and on your backside. Gasping, you slapped his hand away and dared to push him from you. He snickered.

“Watch your hands, Mr Kwon,” you spat. “This is a private property.”

He laughed and leaned in. “Oh, are you like this with him too? Then I can't wait to have the full rights. The only one with rights. Soon, little tiger.” You moved to push him away when he added: “You better end this little thingy you have with the boy. Because if I find out who he is, I will destroy him and any perspectives he could have for the future.”

Even though he didn't know about Byun Baekhyun, you could not risk it. 

You had to break up with him.

// // // // //

Drop me a message! ^^ CuriousCat

[morethanalittleconfused]

I accidentally wrote a 5k fanfic about incidents caused aboard the ghost by differences between species

I've been reading a lot of those old tumblr posts that are like “what if humans are actually just really, really hardy and alien species would be just completely blown away with the shit we put up with without a second thought” and it's got me thinking about the crew of the Ghost trying to get used to each other at first with three humans that are all just absolutely fucking insane, even more so than even your average human.

Rebels spoilers ahead, as well as a trigger warning for blood, vomit and general injuries

It starts with Hera and Kanan. It’s just the two of them, aboard the Ghost, and it takes some getting used to.

At first Hera is shocked by the way Kanan's body seemingly has no limits. He has never once complained about the temperature of the ghost, even when they were running low on power and Hera could feel her limbs start to get sluggish from the cold. Two weeks later he somehow managed to find his way back to the ghost after being in -2 degree Celsius weather for a half an hour with no coat on. When he walked back through the hatch with snow blowing in his loose hair and a red nose and said “it's cold as shit out there” after Hera had been panicking about losing him for the literal entire time, she had to practically scrape her jaw off of the floor. She would have been dead after a few minutes, and yet here he was, now steaming from a shower and shirtless, bitching about how the caf maker was broken.

As time went on, she learned his body did have some limits to the heat. At about 35 degrees he got irritable and short, but that was about when she started getting uncomfortably warm, too. But he would tolerate it. And more. He kept impressing her with the things he somehow managed to pull off, in conditions she would have thought would kill him. He could get knocked around far more than she thought he should be able to, and would haul himself back to the ship with a grin every time.

The way his body worked constantly surprised her. She noticed it first in how quickly he healed, and in how much he ate.

He could eat literally anything. Things she thought were poisonous for most species. He loved chocolate, and would easily eat ten times the amount that would send her to the hospital to get her stomach pumped. He could withstand a ridiculous amount of alcohol, and could drink unprocessed coffee with no problem by the cup. Caf didn't seem to really affect him because his body processed it so fast. And he ate so. Much. it was ridiculous. The good thing was it didn't really seem to matter what.

Hera didn't need much food, but it had to be good. It had to count. Too much filler and she would lose strength. Her body couldn't process a lot, and if what she got wasn't exactly what she needed, her health went downhill, quick.

Kanan was not the same. He could, and would, eat anything. He didn't have any noticeable preference for plants or meat, or the quality of the food. If he could get his hands on it, he would eat it. He would eat food out of the refrigerator she would have considered to be dangerous. He put appalling amounts of random, unrelated food in a pan, cooked it, and acted like that was an acceptable thing to do. Omelets? She hated the very idea but he seemed to think they were wonderful.

And yet, for all that, they had once been stranded for over a week with only enough rations for one, and Kanan had insisted that she take the vast majority of the ration bars. She pushed back, and he then presented her with the absolutely shocking fact that humans can survive for over a month with no food. She was absolutely flabbergasted, and he took advantage of her stunned silence to press another ration into her hand, smirk at her and say, “I can take it. Trust me.”

Another thing she noticed very quickly was how fast he healed.

He could be bleeding openly one minute, and the wound seemed to close itself the next. She knew human blood had clotting factors far beyond that of nearly any other being, but it was ridiculous how fast he sealed himself up. Further into their relationship she got to see this close up when she accidentally touched some of his congealed blood on the floor of the refresher after cleaning him up. She had had to turn away and take a few deep breaths at the slimy, gelatinous texture. He had gently huffed out a laugh.

“Kinda gross huh?”

“Yeah... it's… unique.”

“I've always been kind of fascinated by the way it congeals so quickly. Handy I guess.”

Out of sheer curiosity she had run the end of a pen through the small puddle and been horrified to see that it mostly stuck together.

“It just… does that? Inside you? And that doesn't cause problems?”

“It can. If it clots when it's not supposed to. But mostly it keeps me alive.”

And it did. And though she wouldn't say it to his face, his ability to pull through seemingly anything took just one more worry off her plate. His wounds would be almost completely closed in often under a week, where she would have been dealing with bandages and salves for a month. He almost never got infections, and could keep going with seemingly incapacitating injuries.

They had once narrowly escaped a fight with a gang of imps and made it back to the ghost with almost no problems. She had a sprained ankle, so he had supported her most of the way there, and they had patched up each other's scrapes. He had needed a bit of training so he didn't just slap a bandaid on what could have been a potentially life threatening injury for her, but he did alright. It was only later, when they were sitting in the cockpit, well into hyperspace, and he had coughed suddenly, when things went sideways. She turned to see blood seeping out of the corner of his mouth, and more on his hand when he pulled it away. They both looked at it for a moment, then Hera almost blacked out as a sudden wave of adrenaline washed over her.

“Kanan you're- are you- let me make the calc- are you dying?”

“What? Oh- no I had thought I just cracked a few of my ribs but it would appear I must have broken at least one of them.”

“BROKEN? Your bone? Like in half?”

“I- yeah?”

“Chopper we need to get to the nearest med center right now. Tell them were coming. I dont care if its a fucking imperial light cruiser”

“Wait no lets not be hasty-”

“HASTY? YOU BROKE YOUR BONES KANAN”

“Okay i know it looks bad but really i'm not going to keel over and die right now. Make sure it's a safe med center and cheap too. I can wait.”

“Kanan your bones are literally broken.”

“Yeah. It's happened before and it will happen again. I've broken my arm twice. I've broken one of the bones in my lower leg. A couple toes. At least one finger. And don't even get me started on my nose. It didn't always look like this.” At that he had huffed out a small laugh, but then winced and brought a hand to his lower chest. Almost as an afterthought, he reached down and pulled up the hem of his shirt. She had started to avert her eyes at the sliver of hip he showed, but as he pulled the shirt up higher and revealed more, she felt the breath taken out of her. His skin was mottled a whole host of awful colors, angry and puffy. He coughed that wet cough again and said, “Maybe I do need a med center after all”

She was incredibly relieved when they dropped out of hyperspace and into the welcoming arms of medicine. She was less happy when Kanan was returned to her, that night no less, with only bandages around his chest and a note to “take it easy for a while” she was appalled to say the least.

His ridiculously resilient body sometimes created just as many problems as it solved, though. He got into bar fights after downing enough alcohol to kill a bantha, and got the piss kicked out of him. He ran headfirst into danger with little consideration for life or limb. He was reckless, and incredibly hotheaded, and overall behaved like a clown. She had no idea how the Jedi accepted humans into their ranks, if Jedi he was. Restraint, my ass.

His recklessness applied to food as well. He didn't really seem to mind what he ate, content with the knowledge that if it didn’t work out, he could always regurgitate it back up. Twi’leks could not vomit, like many other species. It was yet another bizarre human trait. The ability to purge substances from your body without them having to pass through your entire digestive tract and cause more issues had always seemed like a neat trick to Hera. That is, of course, until she saw it in action.

She was roused one night by a strange noise coming from the refresher, and she had padded to the door, only to find it open. Blinking in the harsh light, she saw Kanan curled on the floor, wearing no shirt. His hair was loose and hanging around his face, and he was panting heavily. She only had time to say “Kanan, what-” before he coughed and vomited into the bowl.

Her immediate reaction ricocheted from “Oh my god he's dying” to “I’m actually going to die just having to witness this” to “Oh stars he is actually dying” so fast she could barely process it. She was immediately horrified but had no idea how to help him.

“Kanan are you- do you need a medic? How- chop- CHOPPER! How do I help you? Are you hurt?”

He had turned and peered up at her with puffy eyes and a runny nose. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He tried to talk but his voice came out too rough and he had to try again. Even then it was strangely thick.

“Hera? Are you okay?”

“Am I okay? Am I okay Kanan? You're in here dying for stars sake and I have no idea how to help you and where the hell is chopper-”

“Hey. hey.” He turned away for a moment and took a long breath in through his nose. “Calm down for a sec. I feel like shit so you're going to have to talk slower. Are you hurt or something?”

“Hurt? No I'm not hurt i’m just- you- you're in here- I don’t even know-”

He closed his eyes and took another long breath in through his nose.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah i’m just… trying really hard not to throw up again.”

“Oh.”

He opened his eyes again and looked up at her again.

She shifted against the door frame. “But you're… okay? This isn't life threatening?”

He huffed out a soft laugh, then seemed to immediately regret it as he dropped his head between his knees for a moment. Then he cleared his throat and tipped his head back up.

“No. I'm good, I just ate something bad at that pub. And I also probably drank a bit too much as well. But I think it was definitely the squids fault.”

“Oh. So this is… normal?”

“More so than I would like. Yes.”

“Okay so…” she took a deep breath to calm her nerves now that it was apparent he wasn't in any imminent danger. “Do you need anything? How can I help you?”

“Some tea maybe. Some crackers. Anything ginger you have. It'll work itself out with time.”

She stood in the door, unsure of what to do, wanting to help him, and watched as he drew a quick breath in and closed his eyes again.

“Hera. Tea. Now”

“Right.”

As she dashed to the kitchen she heard the sounds of retching from behind her.

  There were some strange things about humans that became interesting as their relationship developed beyond mere captain and crew. His hair, for example. At first she had thought it was appalling, the sheer volume of it. It was everywhere. But all it took was threading her hands through it a few times, and hearing the wonderful noises he made, before she quickly changed her opinion.

Related to his hair was the fact that humans seemed to enjoy a certain level of pain, which she could not understand. He would moan audibly when she tugged at his hair, which startled her the first time, in the best way. Once, when she was feeling particularly adventurous, she had dragged her sharp canines across the delicate skin of his throat, and had been surprised to find the taste of metal filling her mouth, sharp and bright. She was even more surprised at the way he had shuddered and come apart beneath her, just like that.  

Then, later, when Zeb and Sabine joined the crew, there was yet another learning curve as Hera adjusted to another human as well as a Lasat, and Zeb adjusted to Kanan and Sabine at the same time.

Sabine was just as reckless. She was a fighter too, but she didn't have the force to help her out. Hera had more than a few small heart attacks in the early days of Sabine's presence before she fully appreciated that she could take almost as much of a beating as Kanan. Sabine had once walked over a half a mile back to the ship with a broken leg, and when Hera pressed her on just how she managed to do that, Sabine had gotten quickly tired of the argument, ending it with a, “I don't know what to tell you, Hera! I didn't have any other options! I had to do it, so I did.”

Hera was used to most of Kanan's strange human quirks, but Sabine presented a new and entirely alarming one, which Hera first came in contact with on a supply run. Sabine needed a monthly supply of medical supplies. Hera knew very little about menstruation, as that was a trait entirely unique to human females. Why their biology decided that it was necessary was completely beyond Hera, it seemed incredibly inefficient. Sabine made as little fuss about it as possible, but Hera had embarrassed everyone about three months in when Sabine asked hera to go get her data pad from her room. Hera had burst back into the common room, and only then was able to identify the smell Sabine was carrying with her that had been tugging at the edges of Hera’s mind all day. Blood. She turned on Sabine with a very distressed, “Sabine are you injured? Are you sick?”

To which Sabine had responded, with a distinct note of confusion, “No? Why?”

And Hera, without thinking, had said, “There's blood all over your bed? Did you hurt yourself?”

Sabine had gaped at her for a moment, then blushed ever so slightly. “I uh- I forgot to wash my sheets after... Sorry. I forgot about that before I told you to go into my room.”

Hera still had not connected the dots and was opening her mouth to further interrogate Sabine as to why her bedsheets were covered in blood when Kanan had jumped up and said, “Hera! Let's go for a walk, yes?” and pulled her gently out of the room, but not before she heard Zeb turn to Sabine and say, “So, why were you bleeding?”

Zeb apparently hadn't had much contact with the more alarming of the humans' quirks, as he had his own room, until Ezra showed up. Then Zeb had to learn for himself just how absolutely wild human biology was for himself. He arguably had a rougher go of it, because while he had the rest of the crew to help him out, he was literally sharing a room with a teenage human.

The first time Ezra got food poisoning was just about as rough for Zeb as it was for Kanan and Hera, except it happened in Zebs room.  Ezra was mostly self-sufficient, but Zeb had come hollering down the hall. He had broken the “do not open my door without knocking” rule Hera kept firmly in place, but she couldn't even be mad at him. Hera was just glad Kanan had been in his own bed that night. She had woken to see Zeb standing in her door, his fur standing up like a spine down his back, one ear folded inside out, panting hard.

“Hera the kid- he’s- I don’t know what the fuck happened but he- I think he’s hurt- or- or something but I don’t know how to help him- it’s Ezra-”

At which point Kanan, who had been woken by Zebs racket, slid open his door wearing only his sleep pants. He took one moment to assess the situation, looked down the hall and said, “Oh, Ezra’s throwing up. Do you want me to take care of him, Hera?”

Hera sighed and got up from her bed.

“No, you get Zeb some tea or something. I've learned well enough how to hold hair back at this point.”

Zeb, still looking entirely horrified by the situation, allowed himself to be led into the galley by Kanan. Sabine poked her head out of her door, decided this crisis did not involve her, and went back to sleep.

The same situation had happened the first time Ezra had gotten a bloody nose in the middle of the night. It was the kind Hera had witnessed with Kanan, and knew firsthand how horrifying it was if one didn't know humans noses just Did That sometimes. It was a middle of the night kind of bloody nose, where Ezra had presumably woken up with blood all over his face and in his mouth and in his hair and on his sheets, and had tried to catch the blood in his hands, which was all well and good until he somehow had to get down from the top bunk and open two doors to get to the refresher. That left Zeb to wake up to a room smelling of blood, with blood on the floor, on the door panel, and a trail leading to the refresher where he found Ezra leaning over the sink which was also, conveniently, covered in blood. All it had taken was for Ezra to turn his face toward the creature standing in the door and say “Zeb?” before Zeb was hurtling down the hall in a panic, calling for Kanan to come help him because the kid was dying.

Sabine, who had been up working on a project, was the first to respond to this particular “The human is dying!” call. She took one look at Ezra, standing in his pajamas with blood on his hands and said, “That sucks,” and turned back to her room.

Hera, who was making her way down the hall to check on if Ezra really was dying this time, had the pleasure of seeing Sabine turn back and say, “If you want a tampon to stop up the bleeding, they're in the bottom left drawer.” This worked surprisingly well at stopping Ezras bloody nose, because he was blushing so hard there was no blood left for his nose. Hera turned back to comfort Zeb, telling him she had reacted the exact same way the first time Kanan had woken up with a bloody nose. She saw him come out of his panic in time to realize she had effectively confessed to sleeping with Kanan, but wisely decided not to say anything. Nothing he didn't already know.

The humans were absolutely bizarre to spend time around. They ended up installing a wall in the galley that had live plants in it, not because they needed fresh plants to eat, but because their brain chemicals got thrown off if they weren't around plants for too long.

They had empathy for everything. Hera had once witnessed Ezra cry in a market when they passed a fruit stand with a deformed Meiloorun. When Hera asked why he was crying, he had looked up at her with these huge eyes, sniffed, and said, “I just feel so bad for it! No one will buy it!” They had, of course, bought it. Kanan tried not to get attached to anything, but he apologized for bumping into inanimate objects, and Sabine got visibly sad when they had to throw out a good piece of gear because it was broken or old.

They all three loved swimming. They were awful at it, just barely flopping around on the surface, but any time they were near even relatively safe water, they were in it, having the time of their lives. Kanan had once explained to Hera that humans have an extra fun little bit of evolution called the mammalian dive reflex, which slows their heart rate and lowers their blood pressure when they are in water, making it calming and enjoyable. Hera was skeptical until she watched Ezra calmly floating down a river on his back and wished she had that, instead of feeling nothing but panic anytime she had to float in water.  

They were mimics. They could replicate a stunning array of sounds, from animals to tech. Ezra's favorite way of annoying her was to make the noises her ship made when something went wrong, just to see how much she would panic before she realized it was him. They would sing along to anything, even if it was just instruments, and Hera would never admit it, but she loved Kanan's voice.

They could sleep anywhere. One of her favorite memories was walking around Chopper Base after a particularly exhausting mission and finding the three of them, Kanan in the middle, with one kid leaning on either shoulder, asleep, leaning against a crate. They had looked so peaceful, and yet she was again surprised at them. It was far too cold for her to even consider sleeping, there were fighters landing only a few hundred meters away, people running all over, and they were snoozing with smiles on their faces, just glad to be home.

And humans would pack bond with literally anything. She had thought Kanan was bad until she met Ezra. It was ridiculous. Her father had said that she was improper for developing a fondness for a droid, but the kid formed a relationship with everything that moved. It got them out of a few tight spots, sure, but she would never get used to having to sit still as some enormous predator loomed in their faces. The sight of Ezra staring down a cat the size of the ghost on some jungle planet, the cat's fangs mere inches from his face as it huffed at him, was something she would never forget.

They were wild and hard headed and strong and made her life so much more interesting.

Early on, Kanan’s strange human ability to adapt to seemingly anything had been a momentary point of contention between the two of them, and was still something she struggled with. It took time for her to be okay with the fact that humans and Twi’leks were just built differently. But it frustrated Hera how weak she felt compared to him. It infuriated her the way he could just walk off something that would have killed her. She had always striven to be adaptable and up for anything. She was strong, and she knew it. But she felt her inadequacies sharply next to Kanan. Early in their partnership they had been in the galley repairing themselves from yet another fight, when Hera had turned to see Kanan casually sewing his own skin up with a needle. The way he could just puncture his own skin like that, with nothing more than a wince and a hiss of breath, had made her see red for a moment and she had to excuse herself to the cockpit to take a breath. They had talked about it, and he had helped her to realize that she was, of course, strong. Humans were adapted differently, so it was entirely unfair for her to be comparing them. But they could compare emotionally, and she was one of the strongest people he had ever had the pleasure of knowing. The two of them were forged in war, and had been through incredible things. She had fought prejudice and overcome so many obstacles to get to where she was, the best pilot in the resistance, without question. As he had said the last part, she heard him smirk a bit, and looked over at him, bathed in the blue light of hyperspace, to find him with a little crooked grin on his face and his hair falling down around his ears. She had felt her guarded heart open a little bit more at that, and had to turn and gaze back out at the stars before her heart opened completely to this rogue of a man.

Later, pressed against his chest in a supply closet, hiding from some stormtroopers, she would marvel at just how fast humans' hearts beat. She knew they were supposed to beat about two times faster than a twi’lek, but his seemed like it was fit to fly out of his ribcage. She found herself thinking, “Is it supposed to be doing that? Is this why he's such a hot headed idiot?” Later she would discover it did not always beat that incredibly fast, usually just a bit faster than hers. It made him ridiculously warm, and also may have contributed to why he was so quick to anything. Not rushed. Not hasty. Just quick. Quick to anger. Quick to smile. Quick to fight. Quick to laugh. Quick to love.

Maybe that was why it was such a shock when he finally reached his limit. She had gotten used to him pulling through impossible situations. She had forgotten that they had limits, just like her.

And then, years later, a glimmer of hope. Ahsoka and Sabine, travelling the galaxy over, searching for Ezra. While Kanan was gone forever, she still had a chance to get one of her boys back.

And of course, there was always Jacen. Her beautiful little boy, who was soft and sweet and yet surprisingly strong, just like his father. And Hera was comforted to know that wherever this wild galaxy would take him, he had Kanan Jarrus’ blood coursing through his veins to keep him safe.

[mcu-fan-fics-blog]

The Helping Hand

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Word Count: 3000 approx

A/N: Sorry for the wait I've been a little busy the last couple of weeks. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Next chapter will be Civil war I hope to upload again soon. In the mean time if you have some ideas or thoughts send them my way.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Ch.7

Chapter 8: Time and Irony Walk Hand in Hand

Ch.9

"Well this is nice…" You say as Natasha drags you along. You see currently you and Natasha are quote on quote shaking a tail. Whatever that means… "Shut up and keep moving." You stop moving and pull your arm away. "Stop Nat we've gone far enough. It was probably just a coincidence we didn't really get that far from the food truck." Finally taking the time to catch your breath. "I think we should get back to the compound. Tony and Bruce must be waiting for me." You say looking around for a cab lucky for you one stopped right before you and you got in.

The ride back to the Compound was quiet. When she's about to make her way in, you stop her. "Nat… I know that didn't go the way either of us wanted it to go but I still had fun. And again what I'm trying to say is that I would like to do things your way, candlelit, waiters, and wine. If you want to of course." You fidget with your fingers waiting for her response. "Y/n I would love to… but I like the way you do things. You're not the Wine and Dine type... I like that." She mentions as she walks back in. You quickly follow suit after she makes a comment about your blatant staring.

Once you stop on the elevator FRIDAY greets you. Telling you that Tony and Bruce are waiting for you in the lab. "Well Nat this is goodbye for now, see you around." You say stepping off of the elevator. Suddenly this weight comes crashing down on you. Remembering what Bruce told you the worry in his eyes. Dread fills your body when you're walking towards the lab. "Guys I'm back… anything good for me?" You state casually trying your hardest not to sound hopeful. "Well yes and no…" Tony states putting the tablet down. "I'm going to be honest with you… your heart is trashed, absolute garbage."

"Way to make a girl feel special." You say with a dry laugh. "But I think we can build something. And with my arc reactor technology we can make it work." He states tapping at his chest. This is where Bruce jumps in "with the help of Dr. Cho we could try and make a new cradle… and use it for its intended purpose this time around. Making a heart powered by the arc reactor." You nod taking all the information in. "Well this is good right? How long would this take." This is where both Tony and Bruce go quiet. "Y/n the process is relatively easy, what's difficult is getting our hands on the Vibranium."

"Which is basically a non existent problem at this point… Bruce is just paranoid, my contact will pan out you'll see." Tony jumps back in clearly annoyed that Bruce was disclosing such trivial issues. "Even if we do get the Vibranium Y/n there's something we don't know… If you'll even survive the transplant." Your eyes meet his and he elaborates. "Your body might not be strong enough to handle it." Suddenly the inevitability of the situation dawns upon you. "Well I'm still doing it… I'm dying anyways. What difference does it make if it's a month from now or five. I'm doing it." 

"Well, let not be hasty alright. We can still look for other alternatives." Bruce tries to argue. "Look, this is Y/n's decision. She's old enough to make her own decisions. Plus the more we work on this the higher survival chances are." Tony argues. You clear your throat when you notice some visitors standing by the door. "How long have they been there?" You ask, trying to mask your anger. Pietro and Steve both give you sheepish smiles that don't quite reach their eyes. "Look Y/n we just wanted to make sure you were okay… and by the looks of it you're not." 

You stand making your way to stand in front of Steve who had just taken a defensive stance. "Well you're right I'm not okay. Now what are you going to do about it Cap… Other than feeling pity every time you look at me." You say pushing your finger on his chest. "This does not leave this room you understand?" You say looking at both Steve and Pietro. "But, My sister…" You nod "Figure it out pretty boy. Now if you could leave the adults have to talk." They both sigh but take their leave. You turn and notice Tony and Bruce staring, not saying anything. You can only laugh at the sight. 

As much as you did want to be mad you couldn't. You were starting to come to terms with the fact that your business was now becoming their business. "I just wanted to watch them squirm." You clarify making Tony laugh. "Well I'd say you achieved that." Bruce mentions. "I'll give them til the end of the day. What do you think?" You say looking at Tony. "How much are you willing to bet, Billionaire to Billionaire?" He asks, challenging you. "50 million dollars." He scoffs. "Don't be a prude, make it Euros." You nod. "Best money there is." You say agreeing with him. "I'll hold you to that Y/n." He says as you leave the lab.

Two days later you were busy. You'd been in contact with Bruce and Pepper. Currently you were looking for someone to mentor. Someone you could leave your legacy with. Logan was an obvious choice but you knew he wouldn't take it. "You wanna give it a break Y/n you're not going to find the perfect candidate in so little time." Logan mentions. When suddenly your secretary enters with more forms. "Ms. Krast these are the applications from Midtown Science High. There's only four. Liz Allan, Ned Leeds, Flash Thompson, and uhh Peter Parker." You sigh with a smile forming on your lips. "They've got to be here my mentee. These kids are geniuses." 

You say as you look through the applications. Slowly crossing off the first two, that Flash kid and Liz. Ned and Peter it was a tough choice until you saw some of yourself in Peter's eyes. "It's him." You say under your breath catching Logan's attention. "Peter Parker… I want him, he will be the future of our company. Make arrangements. I want him to feel welcomed." You say as you start to gather your things. "Send out the acceptance letter today." You say to Logan on your way out. "Will do Boss." He says with a smile growing on his face as he reads the file. Peter didn't have it easy on the contrary he lived through a lot but he still managed to be him.

The next week went by in a blur. Your will and testament were drafted and certified. You were set on that end and now on the other front. You were currently parked outside Midtown High waiting for the bell to ring. When it does a couple of minutes pass when a fresh faced kid is knocking on your window. "Y/n Krast nice to meet you kid." You say rolling down the window. He seems a little nervous. "Come on in Peter. We're going to get to know each other a little before we begin working with the internship." He nods enthusiastically, a small smile forming on his lips. "Tell me about your Peter, I mean outside of what I already know."

"Well I'm what most people would call a nerd. My aunt may always say that's not true but it is." You hum in agreement pulling out of the school parking lot. "Well being popular is overrated anyways." You jump in. "And Ned, my best friend, we're huge fans of you and your work." He says his speed increases as he starts to ramble about how he followed your trajectory as soon as he found out who you were. "Well I'm glad you like what I do Peter but in my eyes were equals. I will teach you my ways and hopefully you'll take over once I'm dead. Keeping my legacy alive long after I'm dead." You say seriously making him settle and quiet down. 

"Ms. Krast you can't be serious." He says giving you an incredulous look. "I was an orphan… I was given a chance. Someone believed in me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you remind me of me… and I would like to give you that same chance that I was given." You say sincerely. "Y/n that's too generous… Plus I don't think that I'm what you're looking for. I'm clumsy and…" You stop the car making him look at you. "You may not be ready now or tomorrow but if you let me teach you, you will be." You say reassuringly. "Plus I don't plan on dying anytime soon." You say playfully at the end causing Peter to laugh successfully lightening the mood. "Also another plus for you after this year's audit we'll be working hand in hand with Tony Stark."

At the mention of Tony's name he lit up ten times more than you thought possible. It made you laugh a little but you understood him. "That's amazing. Me working for Y/n Krast and Tony Stark, a literal dream come true." You nod at his statement. The day went by incredibly fast. He was a nice kid, respectful and smart, a little naïve but overall sensible. You went to his favorite pizza place and talked, went to Krast Industries and introduced him to Logan. Showed him his dedicated work space. "So here's your badge, don't lose it. Umm… you'll be here every other day after school, and if you have some special dates tell Margaret the secretary and she'll make a schedule around it." You say as you're walking towards the elevator. 

Peter stops abruptly turning to face you. "Thank you really." He then proceeds to rather hastily pull you into a hug. You're shocked initially but hug him back nonetheless. "Don't sweat it kid." You say patting his back. "I'll have one of my drivers give you a lift home alright." He nods. Just before you press the button for the elevator the doors open. Revealing Pepper Potts and Tony Stark. It makes you laugh internally knowing that the young boy beside you just had his world rocked. "Ms. Krast this is real right?" He asks in a high pitched voice. You nod.

"Pepper Tony, I would like you to meet my new mentee Peter Parker." You say nudging him forward. "Hi, you're Tony Stark." He says in a daze. "Yes kid I am Tony stark and you are?" Tony could literally not care less. Until you gave Pepper a look and she nudged Tony. "Alright kid it was nice meeting you." He says overly enthusiastically. Peter takes the compliment either way. "Alright Peter go over to Margaret she'll take you to the driver. We have some urgent business to attend." He nods and waves goodbye shyly and takes his leave. "Right what do you guys need." Pepper clears her throat "Well actually Tony and I wanted to invite you out to lunch." 

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get going." You say walking off with Pepper. "You'll be pleased to know that you won our wager. They know..." Tony mentions at the restaurant. You laugh. "Told you!" Pepper gives you a look. "They're worried about you." You sigh. "Pepper, believe me I'm worried too." Tony quickly steps in. "Which you don't need to worry about too much, everything is in place. Everything panned out Dr. Cho was more than willing to help us. So whenever you want." He says again not meeting your gaze. "I was… ummm. Actually thinking we should hold off on that." 

"What… why?" They both ask almost immediately. "I'm okay right now." Tony scoffs. "So you rather wait till you have another episode to undergo the procedure." You hum. "Precisely see you get it." Watching their confusion you continue. "I've got things I have to leave ready. Time that I can't take for granted." Before they could argue with you said. "I need time… I-i drafted my will a couple of days ago." You say burying your head into your hands. "It's funny really… how you get things you're willing to live for. And life just comes along and takes it from you." Your mind drifts off to Viv and David. You wipe your tears and excuse yourself. Just as you're about to leave you remember. 

"Put the money in a college fund for the kid." You grab Peppers shoulder and nod. "We'll keep in touch." You say leaving the restaurant.  

Three weeks later 

Pretty early on you noticed Peter's jumpy behavior. It wasn't long till you found out his little secret. Again smart kid heart of gold even, but too naïve for his own good. You'd had one of your AI robots track him after he'd shown up a little dinged up. Telling him you knew took some time. You didn't know the extent of his capabilities, but you'd seen the kid walk on walls and kick some ass.

As cute as he looked in that makeshift costume you had a better one in mind. "Peter I would like to show you something." You call out from your workstation in the lab. "Ward pull up spider schematics please." You call out. "What do you think?" You say as Peter glances at his new suit. "I-i um… It's awesome but who is at for?" He said quickly. You almost burst out in laughter right then and there but you played along. "Well I was in Queens the other day and there was this mugging and some hero came out of nowhere and stopped the mugging." You say as you deconstruct the specks of the suit. Watching as peter gawks at the hologram. 

"When I noticed his suit wasn't really a suit, I made him one. You think he'll like it?" Peter nods eagerly, you hum in response. "Alright then try it on, see how it fits spider boy." Peter stands there with his mouth hanging open and you could swear saliva came out. "You aren't that good at keeping secrets kid." You say handing him the suit. "I expect you to be careful, kid." Peter starts to ramble trying to explain himself and begs you to not fire him. You physically had to stop him from pacing. "No ones firing anyone. I'm proud of your kid again, just be careful." Emphasizing the last part. "I will" after all that's out of the way you and Peter spent the day testing out the specks in his new suit. Web slingers and all. Yo I didn't leave until he got the hang of it. It took a while but it was well with the wait. 

The next day you wake up to the news seeing a familiar twin on the news. Not good Lagos had gone wrong, the building collapsed and Wanda was to 'blame'. You hurriedly made your way through your morning routine and raced to the compound. As soon as you make it to the common room you can tell something's off. "How is everybody?" You asked Steve who was the first you saw. "I'm assuming you heard about the incident." You don't have the heart to say yes so you just nod. "We're all a little down on morale. Nothing we can't fix." You say, giving you a small smile. You hate that he is down playing this because of your current dilemma. "It wasn't your fault." You say. As you walk off towards Pietro. 

"Are you okay?" You ask this time actually worried Pietro doesn't seem like his usual self. "No...It's Wanda. She hasn't talked to anyone she hasn't eaten she hasn't left her room." He says all in one breath. He finally stopped stirring and slid down to the floor and sat. "Its my fault. I-i could've moved faster, I could've saved them." He says defeatedly. "Maybe… Maybe not" You say bluntly sitting in front of him. "You can't go back now. And I know it's a sour experience. You made the right decision." You sigh. "You made the choice that saved the most lives." He nods letting out a deep breath. "I know… I know but Wanda. If I had saved those people Wanda wouldn't be feeling like this right now." You shake your head. "You fail to realize that if you had done that you would've died along with the other victims. Wanda will come around and let me talk to her." He only nods. "She's in her room."

You knock on her door a couple of times… no answer. So you make yourself comfortable and prepare yourself. Your knock every minute or two and you're constantly yelling in your head. Half an hour goes by and nothing. You go back to mentally yelling, when suddenly you're being dragged by the collar of your shirt into the room with the doors shutting behind you. "You're stubborn like a mule." She says not sparring you a look. "Yeah well I'm dying what are you gonna do about it." You quipped smiling at her. She chuckles. Suddenly the light leaves her face. "I killed people… I put people in danger, I put my own brother I'm danger." You nod. "You also saved hundreds of people. God only knows what that gas would have done. So thank you Wanda. You're my hero." You say sending her a smile.

Right when she's about to say something a certain red friend phases through the wall. "You will never cease to amaze me Vision." You say while looking between him and the wall. "You have very good taste in clothes." You mention as you eye him. He smiles. "Vision. We talked about this, there's a door for a reason." Wanda states. "Yes, well the door was open so I assumed…" He says, explaining himself. "What did you need Vision?" Wanda asks cutting him off. "Well Mr. Stark asked me to come and get both you there is a team meeting. With secretary Ross." 

[atinymonster]

spilled beans

ateez 9th member.

jiyu’s news about her and sunwoo dating weren’t the only beans spilled the next day.

➴ masterlist

taglist ➴ @galacticstxrdust, @jiyeons-closet, @banhmi07 (can’t be tagged for some reason)

Eight pairs of eyes were glued onto Jiyu as the boys, with the exception of Yunho, sat and processed her news. When Jiyu gathered them onto the living room couch and announced at six in the morning that she had some news to tell them, they definitely weren’t expecting this.

“...I’m sorry, I think I misheard you,” Hongjoong said as he rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes. “Can you say that again?”

Jiyu sighed as she shifted in the couch across from them. “Sunwoo and I are...dating...” she trailed off, no longer being able to look at them in the eye. She played with her fingers while waiting for one of them to say something. Even Mingi looked fully awake as her words processed in his brain. She quickly glanced at Yunho, who gave her a small, comforting smile.

Seonghwa slowly broke out of his daze. “Well,” he said, “that was certainly...expected yet unexpected.”

Jiyu couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of guilt for the timing of everything. “I’m sorry. I know we’re in the middle of preparing for a comeback and—”

Yeosang couldn’t help but sneak a glance at Wooyoung, making eye contact with him. With a bitter smile, Wooyoung softly shook his head at — as if saying I’m okay.

“—but I promise I won’t get distracted—”

Hongjoong interrupted her. “Since when?”

Jiyu bit the inside of her cheek. “Last night.”

Hongjoong thoughtfully nodded. “And do you plan on telling the company?”

Taking her prolonged silence as a no or hesitation, he sighed and pinched his nosebridge. “I think we can all mutually agree that we want what’s best for everyone.”

Everyone nodded at his words.

“And if this makes you happy, then we obviously have no right to try to take it away from you. Especially with how stubborn you are,” he chuckled. “But I think it’s better if you tell the company now rather than have them find out later. It can cause repercussions for the both of you later on.”

“But we’re in the middle of preparing for a comeback. I just want to focus on that first,” she insisted.

Suddenly, Wooyoung stood up from his spot on the couch. He forced a small smile. “Sorry, I just remembered I didn’t brush my teeth yet,” he said before making a rather hasty retreat to the bathroom.

Jiyu raised an eyebrow. “That was weird...” she mumbled.

Yeosang pressed his lips into a thin line, conflicted on what to do. They were both his friends, his family—he didn’t want to hurt anyone.

Hongjoong glanced at the clock—they had approximately forty minutes left until their manager came to pick them up for the performance preview filming. He turned to Jiyu again. “Look, I won’t force you into telling the company. But I just want you to think about what’s best for the both of you when you make a decision.”

Jiyu slowly nodded.

“And,” he added, “if you do start getting distracted, we’re going to have a serious talk, alright young lady?”

Everyone quietly chuckled at Hongjoong’s warning. “Yes, dad,” Jiyu teasingly responded.

Giving a nod of satisfaction, Hongjoong stood up to get ready. “Now we need to get ready before manager–nim gets here and lectures us again for being late.”

“I said I was sorry about that time already!” Jiyu pouted.

During the filming, Jiyu noticed how different Wooyoung seemed. He didn’t seem like his usual, cheerful self. At first, she thought he was just tired, but as time went on, she noticed how distanced he seemed from her. Usually, he would always be around her and hugging her like a koala, but this time, he barely even talked to her. Even the other members were confused at Wooyoung’s odd behavior.

She decided to give him space for the time being, even if it hurt to think he was avoiding her.

Yeosang decided to just take the leap and tell Jiyu. It hurt seeing Wooyoung mope around, which in turn, hurt Jiyu since he was ignoring her.

“Baby monster, can I talk to you really quick?” he asked during one of their breaks.

Jiyu was watching their Inception recording. “Yeah, sure Sangie,” she said before following him to a more secluded area. “What’s up?”

“It’s about Wooyoung,” Yeosang carefully started.

Jiyu bit her lip as she looked to the ground. “I know he’s avoiding me,” she mumbled. “Was it because of what I said this morning? I promise I won’t let it affect our comeback—”

“Uh, well, yes and no,” he interrupted. Jiyu looked up at him with a confused expression. Yeosang took a deep breath as he put his hands on his hips and looked up to the sky. Please don’t kill me, Wooyoung. He brought his gaze back to Jiyu.

“Did you know Wooyoung likes you?”

Jiyu felt as if someone hurled a ton of bricks at her. Her eyes widened as she felt herself go numb. “W–What?”

Yeosang carefully repeated his question, causing Jiyu to shake her head out of disbelief. “Are you joking with me, Kang Yeosang?” she asked.

“Would I really lie about something like this, Ji?” he asked, no trace of playing or joking in his eyes.

Jiyu went silent as Yeosang’s words sunk in. Wooyoung liked her? She did remember seeing things about it on the internet from ATINY, but she never regarded them seriously.

But it did explain his clingy and affectionate behavior towards her.

Suddenly, guilt washed over her as she remembered what she said earlier that morning. She practically rejected him indirectly. Covering her face with her hands, she groaned. “Yeosang, I’m literally the worst person,” she whimpered.

Yeosang panicked. Making her feel bad or cry about the situation was definitely not his intention. Looking around to see if anyone was around, he internally breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t see anyone. He put an arm around her and used his other arm to pat her head.

“No, you’re not,” he reassured, although it was a slightly awkward interaction for the both of them. Comforting Jiyu was something that Yeosang was always awkward with. He just didn’t really know what to say. “You didn’t know.”

Jiyu fanned her face to prevent the tears from falling and ruining her makeup. “But I should’ve seen the signs,” she said. “There were literally so many but I never took them to heart. If that doesn’t scream ‘worst person’, then I don’t know what does.”

Yeosang continued to pat her back. “Talk it out with him,” he suggested. “Give him some space for the day and talk to him when he’s comfortable again.”

Jiyu nodded. “You’re not mad at me?” she meekly asked. Yeosang’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her question. “You’re not mad at me for what I did to Wooyoung? He’s your best friend...”

Yeosang sighed. “You both were a little block-headed so I can’t really be mad at either of you,” he joked, laughing when Jiyu lightly punched his chest.

Taking a deep breath she rapidly tried blinking her tears away. “I just got my makeup retouched and we have to film THANXX, and now my nose and eyes are probably red,” she playfully complained. 

Yeosang carefully ruffled her hair with a small chuckle. 

“Wait, where’s Yeosang and Jiyu?” they heard Hongjoong ask back on the filming set. 

“Come on, let’s go back before Hongjoong gives us an earful later on,” Yeosang said as he started walking back towards the set. 

"Where were you two?” Seonghwa asked when he spotted the two coming back. “We’re about to start filming for THANXX.”

“Jiyu got lost going to the bathroom,” Yeosang said, biting back laughter when Jiyu gave him a betrayed and surprised expression. He knew she couldn’t refute. 

She forced a smile to not raise suspicion towards her current situation. “Unfortunately,” she played along. Out of her peripheral vision, she noticed Wooyoung staring at her. She softly smiled.

He smiled back—a smile so small, it almost invisible to others unless you really looked at him. She felt a sense of relief. 

Maybe things would be okay. 

[crimsonbubble]

ok so-

I woke up at like 6 am (it's 11:13 rn) and my dream was interesting to say the least

so, seonghwa is my bias (if you didn't already know) and recently hongjoong has been fucking with me + he may join Seonghwa as my bias

and when I say that I literally had a wet dream about him, I mean it

explanation/drabble under the cut :')) @vocalyunho imma tag you because you might want to see this and as I was listening to precious, I now have a desire for hongjoong to call me precious

ok have fun reading :))

ok so-

Imagine dating Seonghwa ok? And he notices the glances and the way you stare at Hongjoong. Once you get home after finishing the schedule for that day, he confronts you about it.

You get really flustered and embarrassed. You apologize but all Seonghwa asks is, if it's okay for him to join.

Mumbling out an small yes, the day ends and you go to sleep.

The next day when you woke up, Seonghwa was nowhere to be found. But you weren't surprised, you're used to their early schedules.

Shifting to reach for your phone, your hands hits something. Propping yourself on your elbows, you see the folded note, with your name on it.

The quick and slightly sloppy handwriting, is enough to tell you it's from Seonghwa.

But all it read was; 'Have fun with Hongjoong today ♡︎'

A confused expression made its way on your face as you simply shrugged it off and headed to their filming set.

Ever since you got there, Seonghwa has been avoiding you but Hongjoong however, has been all over you.

Flirty smiles, winks, checking you out, lingering touches, unexpected cheek and forehead kissed, all of that.

Not thinking much of it, you went along with it, not aware of Seonghwa lustful and dark gaze on the both of you.

Later that night, a soft knock echoed in the room. Exiting the bathroom, you open the door. The door opened to reveal Hongjoong.

He walks in, before turning around and pushing you against the door. A startled gasp leaves your lips as Hongjoong's dark eyes bore into yours.

"What're you doing?"

You eye him cautiously, before he speaks.

"I'm having my fun."

That's when it clicks.

The conversation about asking if it's okay for Hongjoong to join, the avoiding, the flirting. It was all planned.

At this point, you're glad Seonghwa caught you staring.

"Hmm, a certain someone told me that you stare at me alot sweetheart. Am I that nice to look at?"

He teases against the warm skin of your neck. His lips leave a trail of fire, wherever they kiss. Growing impatient, you tug with head up to yours, tangling your hands in his hair.

Letting out a groan, he grips your hips tightly, pulling you flush against him. He leaves specks of hickeys and spit as he maneuvers across your heated skin. Hongjoong's hands slide to the back of your thighs before hoisting you up, striding over to the bed.

He lays you down, relishing in your soft whimpers. His hasty hands, reach for your shirt, he looks at you for confirmation. With a small nod, the shirt is off and on the floor. Repeating the process with your pants, your left in barely anything.

His mouth takes its time, kissing, sucking and biting along your skin. His fingers loop into your panties, tugging them down. His hands massage the muscle of your thighs, digging his nails into the skin. Whining when Hongjoong's tongue laps over your slit.

His tongue glides up, down and around your clit. His tongue circles your hole, before pushing in. Your moans and the squelching sounds of Hongjoong playing with your cunt reverberates in the other wise quiet room.

His right hand trails to your inner thigh, sliding in a finger alongside his tongue with ease. Your slick coats his fingers, making the glide easier. Your thighs shake in his grip. His mouth leaves your cunt, licking your juices off his face. His chin glimmers with the residue of your slick.

His slender fingers, push into your wet cunt and press against your sweet spot. His cock twitches in his jeans, at how you clench around his fingers, gushing liquid.

"Look at the mess, precious. You're taking my fingers so well."

The praise courses through your veins, as more high pitched whines leave your mouth and your back arched off the bed.

"Aww you like that don't you? You like being called a good girl? Being told how good you're taking what I give you?"

His words sent your head into a spiral, unable to respond. His fingers felt even better than you imagined. Hongjoong's lips capture yours, drinking in your sounds of need. Pulling away, you manage to whisper out a sentence that made Hongjoong's head spin, quickly ridding himself of his clothes.

"Fuck me till I break."

His fingers leave you to wallow in the emptiness, before his cock head pushes past your ring of muscles. Hongjoong's head tilted back, showing off the shimmer of the sweat that coats his neck.

His paced picks up, before you can really adjust to him. His hips move quickly, leaving you in a breathless state. His grip on your hips is bruising but with his mouth tweaking your nipples, he makes up for it.

The pert bubs are flicked, sucked and bitten before his mouth moves to the skin around your breasts, leaving red violet patches. Letting out whines and moans, you tug his hair. Hongjoong moans against your chest at the stinging sensation on his scalp.

His cock drags against your velvet walls, hitting your sweet spot head on. "Fuck, you feel so good precious. So tight around me. So pretty, so good for me."

Hongjoong rambles as he moans into the damp air. He brings a hand to grope your breast while the other grips your thigh.

The way your gripping Hongjoong like a vice proves to be too much as his hips falter. Your own orgasm isn't far behind either. The way Hongjoong is groping your chest, gripping your thigh and moaning into your mouth has you crashing over the edge.

Your back arches painfully, as Hongjoong rides out your orgasm before filling you with his cum. The milky liquid is warm as he cums in short but intense spurts. He leans down and brushed the hair out of your face, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Give me a second ok, precious? I'll be right back."

He mumbles out praises, as he pulls out carefully; shushing your whines of sensitivity with soft kisses. Rushing into the bathroom, he starts a bath. While the water runs, he prances back into the bedroom. Slipping on his boxers, he lightly pulls you to the edge of the bed. He hooks an arm under your legs and lifts you up.

Making his way to the bathroom, he gently places you on the toilet seat.

Turning the water off, he guides you to the tub. Hongjoong's hands lace with yours, helping you keep steady as you seat yourself in the warm water.

Leaning against the edge, you let the water relax your sore muscles. The sound of the door swinging open, has both of your heads whipping up. Seonghwa's head turns and a soft smile graces his lips. Shutting the bedroom door with his foot, he shuffles into the bathroom, crouching next to the tub. A hand comes up and pets your head.

Your rosy cheeks redden even more and a cheeky smile replaces your pouty lips. Seonghwa breaks the silence that fell upon you.

"Why don't you join us Joong?"

The younger male, looks over at him in confusion.

"Our relationship. I know how you feel towards y/n and based off what I've been observing, she may feel the same way about you."

Seonghwa says with a teasing smile, while you bury your head in your hands. Hongjoong's cheeks glow red as his mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water.

"Is that... true y/n?"

With your head still in your hands, you nod. Your cheeks feel incredibly hot against your hands. Removing your hands from your face, you see Hongjoong and Seonghwa looking at you with a mirrored fond expression.

Both men grab one of your hands and leave a soft lingering kiss on the back of it. Your face flushes even more and you can't stop the shy grin that paints your face.

[silverinia]

I came for Baranski, I stayed for Baranski - a quick Christmas On The Square review someone* actually asked for

(* thank you, anon)

Disclaimer: I am in no way a professional of any sorts when it comes to film and I'm not a journalist either. The last movie review I've written was probably for a school assignment in eighth grade. I didn't do research for this and I've watched the movie exactly one time, so this is just for fun.

It was a Sunday, Sunday the 22nd of November, nearing the end of the train wreck of a year that is 2020. I woke up on an air mattress around seven am, my head aching, my throat itching with pyrosis and light nausea, it was still dark outside behind the closed blinds in front of the windows, when I slowly realised where I was, one of my best girlfriends sleeping next to me in her bed. I had crashed at her place after a warm, fuzzy evening of mulled wine, tacky Christmas movies I would never watch alone (Christmas Chronicles and Holiday Calendar, which I quite honestly didn't enjoy at all, but the company made it fun anyway), doing our nails, wearing the fun kind of face masks for a change and smoking too many cigarettes, as the soft pain in my head informed me right now. She woke up an hour later and the morning went by with coffee and reheated pizza for breakfast, when we decided to watch another movie and I realised that it was THE Sunday I'd been waiting for through Zoom interviews and Dolly Parton twitter memes and the infamous wig gate that will be briefly discussed in the following, and so we clicked on the small icon in the Netflix menu that said "Christmas On The Square".

And oh boy, was it a ride.

To start off, I should mention that I have a hard time watching most modern day American Christmas movies, as I noticed quite vividly again when I watched the two aforementioned Netflix productions last night. The character development is always foreseeable to say the least, the plot lines are plain clichés hunting each other like they're the kids in The Hunger Games, and the writing is generally so bad that you can join the actors in reciting the entire scripts on your first watch. I watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas once a year while I'm gift wrapping and pause every fifteen minutes to shamelessly stare at forties Christine Baranski (I think we should all turn away from the birth of Jesus and instead count our years based on Christine Baranski's date of birth) in flamboyant nightgowns and short Christmas themed dresses, looking so fabulous that every interpreter of Santa Baby ever could only dream of it, I watch Love Actually at least five times a year to lust over Hugh Grant, cry with Emma Thompson and miss Alan Rickman, I enjoy Bridget Jones, which I would definitely consider a Christmas movie, and that's it. That's my yearly Christmas time entertainment routine and I can barely tolerate anything beyond, because I'm still traumatised from the time when I was around five years old and on a holiday family visit where had to sit through National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, the dumbest movie I have ever seen (my apologies if you like it but also, who hurt you?), with my cousins. I hated it. I hated every minute of it. And it scarred me for life.

But this was a Christine Baranski movie, I knew she was going to play the lead and so I was pretty much as excited about this as I could. And the fact that Dolly Parton wrote the whole thing didn't hurt either. As I said earlier to my friend I was watching it with, I have the pop cultural taste of a fifty year old gay man, a quality I am most proud of, and this simply ticked off all my boxes.

I expected something similar to a Mamma Mia experience that wouldn't cause me to crave packing my bags, give Covid the finger and run off to Greece. Light-hearted entertainment, easy to stomach, uplifting music and so little plot that the simplicity feels like a creative choice. That's what my pained, hungover brain knew it could cope with and that's not what I got.

The movie started and I was immediately in the zone. I saw Christine Baranski's name in the front credits (an experience that never fails to make me scream "Yass Queen" at the screen, regardless of where I am and who I'm with, as if I'm the sobering result that pops out of the package when you order Jonathan Van Ness on Wish), the setting was wonderfully corny (I grew up watching Gilmore Girls once a week, so give me warm fairy lights and a gazebo and I'm perfectly happy) and as my friend wondered whether Dolly Parton, in her exaggerated homeless attire that didn't make her look shabby at all, was green-screened into the setting because she stood out so much (which she was because the background dancers were dancing in slow motion, but to be fair, we were probably still a little too drunk to notice that from the start) and I told her I thought that it was just the natural glow someone who's Dolly Parton simply carries with them everywhere they go, I was happy. This was the movie I was prepared for. A movie in which the most problematic thing would be stereotypical characters and the wig they hid Christine's real, flawlessly handmade by God herself hair under.

And then, around five minutes in, Christine Baranski's childhood love interest was revealed as she pressed her perfect pointy nose against the window of his shop and sang about her unrequited love.

And suddenly, things started taking turns at a pace I was still way too sleep-deprived for.

Suddenly, in the middle of my general amazement at seeing Christine Baranski do literally anything and laughing loud at her impeccable comedic delivery, there were unresolved daddy issues, hanging prominently at the wall in her marvellously designed house (she literally says "Daddy" at one point and I couldn't help but think that only someone with her vocal skills could keep from making it sound cringe-worthily kinky). One moment, I was clutching my chest above my heart while she was bonding with little bartender Violet and munching on pretzels while downing some whiskey in that elegant way only Christine Baranski can bond with ten year olds who had it rough, eat pretzels and down whiskey, and the next she felt responsible for said girl's mother's death (which she kinda was too, but I'm not the boss of her). I was still busy making fun of how the very annoyingly, but when you're snacking on pizza with extra cheese at nine in the morning also highly funny, slow talking pastor's name was Christian, and suddenly there was a cancer scare.

It was a lot, a hasty sprint from major issue to major issue with a hint of comedic relief every now and then, and it didn't get any less until the very, rather poorly resolved, end.

The entire, constant up and down was followed by the movie's peak of suspense, the near death of precious Violet, something I couldn't even get too invested in because I was still so busy worrying about Christine's MRT results (I was truly fucking worried), not to mention that I hadn't even started to really process the sudden revelation of the love child and how it had affected her character's actions until this point. Was her constant tendency of pushing people away, as we've seen most clearly with her angel in training assistant who's name I cannot recall right now, the result of her broken trust in her father who practically ripped her son away from her after she had just given birth to him? Was it a result of her never getting the closure she needed with plaid flannel wearing Carl she was clearly still in love with? Maybe both? And what of the many issues was it that made her so incredibly shaken up when Violet blamed herself for her mother's death? Was it 'just' due to the fact that the closed pharmacy was on her, or was there more to it? Was it because she had grown up without a mother herself? Or did I miss a major piece of information because I was momentarily distracted, dumbfoundedly staring at Christine's very blue eyes? No time to ponder on that, little Silverinia, because here comes unconscious Violet in an ambulance, WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO!

I'm not going to go in depth about what plot lines I thought were especially carelessly handled and why, real standouts were the sudden forgiveness towards her father who had still acted like a shitty asshole even though he might have had his reasons, because giving the baby up for adoption just wasn't his choice to make, and the fact that I kind of didn't buy how quickly Regina managed to forgive herself, especially for Violet's mother's passing, considering how deeply her tall, slim, dare I say angelic and entrancing figure was buried beneath the weight of all her issues. It felt rushed and incomplete, but that's as detailed as it gets because my major point is something else.

I think this movie made the great mistake of trying to be more than your average, flat, happy ending Christmas movie. I think no one involved thought it was possible to make it a big hit if the only real plot would've been great Dolly Parton music, fun ensemble dance choreographies, Christine Baranski's outstanding acting skills, fun settings and costumes and a redemption arch with as little plot as it could possibly take to make Christine likable to those who aren't already lost forever in the rabbit hole of being obsessed with her (poor fuckers, can't relate). They didn't notice that with the legends that were involved, they could've easily gone the Mamma Mia way. And I think that's why they tried to include heavier plot lines than most creators would've chosen, experiencing loss at an early age, struggling to find closure, dealing with sickness, teenage pregnancy, parents forcing their choices on their children when they affect their childrens' lives first, adoption, and the fear of losing your kid.

It was a lot and I don't want to say that it didn't work because my friend was crying, like, pretty hard and I questioned my entire existence all through the movie in not the worst way, and I did enjoy it a lot while watching. The "grief is love with nowhere to go" line was a real standout, for example, where the attempt of complexity DID work. It positively gave me fleabag season two, "I don't know what to do with it now, with all the love I have for her." - "I'll take it. It sounds lovely. You have to give it to me." feels, and that's about the biggest praise I can come up with. BUT (and this is written in capital letters because it's the big but) I'm also totally convinced that I wouldn't have enjoyed it if they hadn't cast Christine Baranski for the lead role. In my humble opinion, the hasty, not really at all resolved plot of this movie only worked because Christine Baranski is just a fantastic actress. She quirks a mocking eyebrow and you laugh. She parts her perfectly painted red lips and you immediately hang on them because you don't want to miss a single breath she, a literal goddess, graces us mere peasants of people with. She smiles and you're happy. She laughs and even while she's still laughing, you can't wait to hear her do it again. Her eyes fill with tears and you feel goosebumps on your arms, her voice slightly trembles, a breath hitches in her throat and you feel your heart shattering to pieces. As Chuck Lorre once said, this woman could read you the phone book and you would end up laughing tears because she just gets the job done. She knows what she's doing, she's an absolute pro in her game, and it doesn't matter, not even a little bit, what she's working with, because the work she eventually delivers with it is always at a minimum of 200%. I forced my friend to watch this movie with me because I adore this woman, and I felt for this movie because I felt for her. It wasn't the plot that sadly brutally overestimated itself, it wasn't the songs that I obviously enjoyed, nor the comedic elements that truly made me laugh a lot, it was all her. I came for Baranski, and I stayed for Baranski. This woman can do anything. She can even look graceful in a terrible wig job.

(side note / unpopular opinion: I actually didn't think the wig was all too bad. It wasn't good, actually far from good, but for me, nothing can match the awful wig game of Mamma Mia 2. I loathed that wig, I absolutely cannot stand it. So this didn't feel all that terrible. It definitely wasn't the most problematic part about the movie.)

I enjoyed watching this. It was a nice distraction from all the bullshit in the world. Watching it today was the first thing this year that actually brought me something close to excitement about the holiday season, even though everything will be very different and probably not quite as jolly this year. But it just gave me good vibes and as someone who did not watch this as a film reviewer, that's the biggest part of what leads me to enjoy a movie.

Will I watch this again? For sure. Will I enjoy it when I'm not hungover, having freshly done nails and munching delicious pizza for breakfast? Probably not as much, but it'll still have Christine Baranski in it. Would I recommend watching this? If you share my obsession with Queen B, one hundo. If you don't, probably not.

[mysweetestcreature]

Tomorrow Never Knows (President!Harry) Chapter 3: Bloom

(Banner by the wonderful noblewomankat!)

***

Masterlist

***

Monday, September 22, 2008

        Monday morning comes quicker than expected, but for Y/n, it couldn’t have come soon enough. All weekend the only thing she could think about was how Harry had been so close –– literally so close –– to kissing her in her living room. How she pretended to be calm in front of her family all weekend utterly baffles her. 

       The last time she’d had a crush so tremendous had been in the summer after sixth grade when her mom had signed them up for a mother-daughter cooking class, and one of the mom’s had brought her son by mistake. He was a year older and could make the most delicious Pad Thai in all of Central Jersey. Even then, however; she had never felt all these butterflies in her tummy that would consistently flutter about when Harry just so much as looked at her.

       She arrives on campus a little earlier than usual, probably because she’d woken up so excited to get ready for the day. Her dad had been terribly confused to find her sitting on the countertop, all dressed and ready to be dropped off on his way to work (she’d even packed him his favorite lunch as a bribe). 

       As of now, it’s just her and the breeze that gently lifts the strands of her relaxed hair. The school looks so pretty at this hour, with the birds chirping happily in their nests, and the cute little woodland creatures that are usually hidden away in the bushes, roaming freely across the lawn. Only a few other students join her at this hour, but they’re all stowed away in the building, taking this breathtaking scene for granted. She breathes it all in and allows for her head to fall against the bench’s backrest. 

       “Hey.” The sudden hum of his deep voice startles her, and her head snaps up to find him standing right in front of her and looking like he’d just stepped off the cover of some teen magazine that she skims through while in line at Shop Rite. 

       “Hi,” she tries her best, but she can’t help the wide smile that dresses over her features. She signals down to the empty spot beside her. He gladly accepts it, dropping his bookbag on the grass and plopping down next to her. Her thumbs fiddle with each other in her lap, as she sucks on her top front teeth before speaking up again. “How was your weekend?” 

       “It was fine,” he answers simply.

       “Do anything fun?”

       “Eh.”

       The words bounce around in her mouth with the undeniable need to talk about last Friday. But he’s being far too detached in his manner of speaking, that she wonders how she’ll ever go about starting up such an important –– yes, she’s labelling it as a top priority –– conversation. She supposes that it is the beginning of the week, and maybe now that she’s had a better look at him he does appear a tad tired, judging from the bags under his eyelids and the way he suppresses a long yawn into his sleeve. Still, though! How is she going to accumulate confidence when he’s barely alive enough to respond?

       He turns to look at her. “Yours?”

       She stares intently at him. “Terrible! So stupidly terrible! It was so damn hard because all I could think about was how you almost kissed me but didn’t because my little brother interrupted us and totally hogged your attention for the rest of the afternoon! And now all I want to do is talk about it because I may or may not like you as more than a friend! AGH!” It’s what she’s dying to tell him, but rather she blinks her eyes before letting her head falter in defeat.

        “It was fine.” 

***

       “He did what!?” Maxxie nearly falls over in his seat at the reception of the news.

       “Will you hush up!” Y/n shushes, smacking him in the face with her three-subject Biology notebook (she thought it’d be more impactful than a flimsy folder). “Besides, nothing happened.” And yet she so badly wishes that weren’t the case because at least it wouldn’t have trapped her in such a spot of complete unknowing.

       “It’s true,” Cici inserts, leaning in from the adjacent side of the lab table. “She told me when she picked me up after I climbed out the window at Café Agira.” 

       Maxxie stares at Cici with the most baffled expression. “You-... You know what? I’m not even gonna ask,” he talks at her before turning back to Y/n. “You on the other hand, I am very interested in learning about this thing between you and our local Brit.” 

       She sighs, dropping her cheek in her palm and tracing nonsensical images onto the surface of the table with her pointer. “I was gonna talk to him about it before homeroom, but I don’t know...he seemed really out of it.” Her eyes shut with grievance. “What if he regrets it? Is that why he’s being all distant?” After all, she’d been a bit emotional, and he’d been there to comfort her. It’s a scene out of over a dozen films.

       Both her friends give each other a knowing look before hopping their stools closer to the middle. Cici envelops her in a tight hug. “You, my friend, need to be more confident,” she says softly, playing with the ends of hair. “Tell her what you know, Max.”

       Y/n glances at the blonde as he leans in to join the huddle. “Okay, so I heard from Evan, who heard from Jake, who heard from Kara, who heard from Lori, who heard from Bailey, who heard from Rishav, who heard from his sister Aavani, who is dating Angelo, who heard from Mike, who heard from Trish, who heard from Brent, who is on the football team with Harry...” He pauses, gasping for air after such a difficult and trying verbal marathon. “...and he heard Harry going on about how he’s really into this girl he’s friends with.”

       They’d expected this to lift her spirits up, but instead she lets out another dismal sigh. “Harry’s friends with a lot of girls. Remember last week when those girls from his English class made him sit with them? He could be talking about anyone.” 

       Cici glares over her head, nostrils flaring angrily for Maxxie to fix this slump of a mood their best friend is trapped in. 

***

       The next time Harry sees her is in History class, and he’d spent all of US Politics trying to formulate cohesive thoughts that he hoped would process into audible words. This morning had been a bit off for him, he realized that as soon as they had parted ways towards their respective homerooms. He hadn’t meant to be so standoffish, but he had an extra early practice and by the time he saw her, he was already thoroughly exhausted and wanting nothing more than to curl up somewhere and take a long nap. 

       Now he’s had time to rejuvenate and collect himself into something he’ll actually be able to present to her. Hopefully she doesn’t think any less of him, or change her opinion based on one measly fail of an encounter. He remains positive because he’s really been meaning to talk to her about a couple days ago, how he had come within centimeters of pressing his lips to hers because he really couldn’t hold back any longer. She’s just so cute and sweet and funny, and overall he just loves being around her. And okay, he’d meant to text or call her to say just that, but couldn’t figure out how to organize his scattered brain into something relatively sensible. He won’t deny that she has this power over him that he can’t quite describe, let alone express through his seemingly fading vernacular. 

       She walks in, making sure to greet Mr. Noone with a smile and a bag full of another delicious dessert. He tries to listen in as she makes conversation, which soon turns into her hounding the elderly man for yet another one of her Tupperware containers. “I’m pretty sure you have five now! At least give me three of those back. Dad had nowhere to put our leftovers last night!” he hears her whine. The way she pouts her lips and huffs as she stomps away is undeniably one of the cutest things she does –– he thinks so, at least.

       When she’s within close proximity, he sits up straight in his chair and pushes back his mop of brown curls away from his eyes.  “About this morning,” he starts slowly, finding his rhythm with his tongue. “I was so drained from practice and literally I thought I was gonna pass out...”

       “It’s fine, no big deal,” she says curtly, setting her stuff down and taking her seat without so much as peeking an eye his way.  

       His mouth curls to the side. He’s by no means an expert on women, but if living his whole life with his mum and sister had taught him anything, he’d have to be completely daft to actually believe that she’s completely dandy. “No, it’s not. You’re mad at me.” He places his arm around her chair and shifts closer. “I’m sorry..” he pouts, the side hand brushing slightly over her back where he knows she’s ticklish, but she doesn’t even flinch. “C’mon, at least look at me. I don’t like it when you’re mad at me.” 

       She keeps her eyes set on her lap. “Harry, I said-” But she stops when the shadow of a figure looms over their table, and they both peer up hesitantly to meet Mr. Noone towering above them. 

       “If you two could postpone this lovers quarrel until after my class, that’d be most appreciated.”

***

       After class, Harry follows their history teacher’s advice, and chases after Y/n as she squeezes her way through the pile of students to escape. She takes solace, however, in the knowledge that she can hide away in the library or the Home Ec. Room for the next fifty-five minutes and won’t have to talk to him until lunch time. And yet, she groans inwardly when she hears her name being echoed in the crowded corridor, accompanied by his hasty footsteps that as the push off the floor with each brisk stride.

       “Y/n!” he wheezes, finally catching up to her. She gives in, feeling a slight pang of guilt (emphasis on slight) run through her, and pivots on her heel. “Christ, you walk fast.” He hoists himself up, using his knees as support as he takes in a few deep breaths through his nostrils.

       “Don’t you have class?” she tuts, crossing her arms and stomping the toe of her shoe in utter annoyance. 

       “Not until you accept my apology.”

       She throws her hands up in the air. “And I keep telling you that everything is fine! So, please get your butt up to Debate or else you’ll be marked as tardy and I don’t want you to be late because of me.” 

        A smirk finds its way to his lips. “At least I know you care,” he cheeks, nudging her gently with his elbow. He can see how she fights off a grin as she turns her head as afar as it can go. No matter how hard she tries to hide it, he still manages to bring it out of her. “There it is!”

       “I just don’t want that on my conscience,” she snoots, but she knows how unconvincing this whole charade is. He slings an arm around her before she can even come up with another thing to say as if it was the most natural thing. She looks at where his veiny hand comes through the other side, poking through the slope of her neck and lazily hanging off her shoulder. “Um, hello?” she gawks, but instead of answering, he leads her down the hall and towards the tunnel to the next the building. “At least tell me where we’re going.”

       “You’re gonna teach me how to bake!” 

       “But what about-” 

       He cuts her off with two fingers pressed to her lips, simply shaking his head as he holds the door open. What’s more annoying is that she likes how this feel, and how oddly organic it is for their footsteps to sync up like a well-oiled machine. And please, someone stop her from wanting to stay like this for longer or thinking about how cold she’ll be once this protective belt disappears.

***

Saturday, September 27, 2008

       It’s been a little over a week since Harry had come over to study, and in that week, they still haven’t opened up on the subject. And to be quite frank, it’s been driving Y/n absolutely bonkers! She still doesn’t know where this puts them, or whether she’s looking too far into the situation and she should save herself the embarrassment and forget anything had ever happened.  

       Right now, it’s about ten in the morning, and Y/n is still lying in bed trying to figure out these pesky feelings. On a typical Saturday morning she would have already whipped up some breakfast for her family, but now she can barely focus on anything but checking if he’s sent her a new text. 

       A knock on the door brings her out of it, and she answers back in an aloof tone. “Come in.” Her eyes lazily flick over in its direction as the hinges begin to squeak. When the person pokes his head in, the look on his face is already too much for her handle in this state. She pulls the covers over her head to hide herself.

       “Hi, Dad! Good Morning, Dad! How’re you doing today, Dad?” he mocks, striding further into the room. “I bet that’s what other parents get.” She feels the bed dip in by her feet. “Alright, kid. Time to join us in the world of the living.” Very slowly does she feel her blanket being stripped away, until the light from her suddenly exposed window burns brightly on her pupils. “Or else your mom is going to have to come up here, and she’s a lot stronger than I am.”

       “Dad, please,” she whines, and battles him out in a game of tug-of-war for her sheets. “I’m having a crisis here!” 

       “You’re fourteen,” he deadpans. No one could have ever prepared him for the task of having to raise a teenager, he lets his wife know that every morning when he wakes up. In fact, he calls the theme of their little morning chats “complaining rigorously about parenting” or C. R. A. P. as he so fondly refers to it as. Liv isn’t too keen on the acronym, and she lets him know that every single time. 

       “You’re a boy, right?” she suddenly asks, and she sits up and hugs her knees tightly to her chest.

       Jeremy scoffs loudly. “Who’s to say?” But his daughter stares at him with an unwavering seriousness that he swears she must get from her mother because he can barely intimidate his son into taking a bath. Curse Olivia’s prominent genes! “Okay, fine. Yes. Happy?”

       “Very,” she smirks, inching closer, but her demeanor soon switches to a less playful glow. “How do you know if a boy likes you? Like really likes you.” She rests the side of her face on her bended knees and closes her eyes. 

       “I don’t think I understand the question.” 

       “Of course, you don’t, honey.”  

       Olivia waltzes in with a basket of freshly washed and folded clothes balanced on her hip and a warm bagel in the other hand. “You can leave now. I got this,” she tells her husband, shooing him out the door. 

        “Oh, thank god!” he sighs out in relief and runs out the room, but not without giving his wife a tender kiss on the cheek and a wishful “good luck!”

        That leaves both women to sort it all out on their own. Olivia sets everything down before taking Jeremy’s place on the bed. She breathes in deeply and exhales with a warm smile. 

        “So, who’re we talking about?” 

        “Remember that boy who came over last week?”

        It takes a good minute for Olivia to track back to such a long time ago (this last week had been so busy at the clinic so she tends to let other irrelevant details slip her mind), before nodding her head when she finally remembers. “You mean Harry, right? He was such a sweet boy, and so good with Mason, too!” she gushes, clapping her hands as she recalls the kind British boy. Y/n gives her a look, and she soon realizes what this is all about. “Oh, my baby.” And she brings her daughter in for a big hug. 

        “I don’t know what to do,” Y/n mutters into her shirt. “Every time I think I’m going to tell him, I end up chickening out. I hate it!” All the pent-up frustration that had been building up for exactly a week is now coming into light. “Mom, I really like him, like really like Harry. And I don’t know what I’m going to do because he’s all I can think about and it’s literally making me lose my mind!”

        “Why is that?” Olivia asks, stroking over the length of her hair. 

        “Because...” Y/n starts, taking a pause. “Because he tried to kiss me, but it didn’t happen, and we haven’t talked about it since. And now I’m scared that it was just an ‘in the moment’ thing and he probably doesn’t feel the same way and I’m getting my hopes up over absolutely nothing.”

        Liv takes Y/n by the shoulders to face her directly. “First of all, breathe.” She guides her through some breathing exercises to get her elevated heart rate back to normal. “Second...but what if he does feel the same way? Isn’t knowing for sure better than not taking a chance at all?” 

***

Thursday, October 2, 2008

       Harry is just about done and ready to head out when he feels a tap on his shoulder. 

       “Hi, Harry!” Zoey greets cheerfully, twirling her skirt as she twists her hips. 

       “Hey,” he nods as he stuffs his copy of The Scarlet Letter in his bag. He looks left and right to find that it’s only them two left in the hall. It didn’t even occur to him how late he’d stayed back to talk to Miss Arelleno about an upcoming book report because he wanted to make sure that his choice of literature would be appropriate to present on. (Luckily, it was! And he had already managed to outline all the key points he was going to accentuate on.)

        “I was actually hoping I’d find you here,” she admits, leaning against his locker door. 

        “Yeah?” Harry replies, but honestly, he’s barely paying attention because for some reason he can’t seem to find his house keys in his pockets. If he doesn’t find them, he’s absolutely fucked because Gemma doesn’t get home until tonight and Anne is out of town on business. “Sorry, I’m...” Aha! He’d forgotten that he’d placed them –– along with his phone –– in his cardigan pocket before football practice. “What were you saying?” He’s much more attentive this time around.

         She steps closer to him. “I was wondering if you wanted to check out this new diner with me? It’s called Ruben’s and I heard their milkshakes are supposed to be amazing! Plus...” she starts, looking up at him through her long lashes. “The big game is tomorrow and I thought I could help you relax.” 

        “Um...” Harry purses his lips together. “I’m actually going there with Y/n,” he says with a faint blush. “You’re welcome to join us, if you’d like?” 

       A tight smile replaces the flirtatious one she’d been sporting this whole time. She backs away, placing her hands firmly on her hips with displeasure. “No, I wouldn’t want to intrude,” she grits out. 

       He stares down at his watch, his eyes growing wide when he realizes he’s already two minutes late. “Oh, okay” he loosely responds. “Hey, I have to get going, but I’ll see you around.” And he starts jogging down the corridor towards the library where he and Y/n had agreed to meet.

***

Friday, October 3, 2008

       The game against Pleasant Valley has finally arrived. The entire school must be in attendance, as the screams and chants coming from outside are almost deafening. Harry sits on the bench in the locker room as he makes sure his cleats are tied nice and tight. To say he’s nervous may be an understatement. If his time at Ashwood has taught him anything, it’s that they really, really hate Pleasant Valley with a passion to burn a million candles. Just the other day, Coach Davis had given him a very thorough history lesson about the ongoing feud, ending it by begging him to lead them to a victory or else their pride as a school would cease to exist. No pressure, right?

       “Styles!” He turns around to see Coach Davis standing right behind him with his arms crossed and face as serious as can be. “You have a visitor outside,” he says, signaling towards the door. 

       “Who?” he asks thoughtfully. 

       “Heck if I know. Some cheerleader.” 

       Harry’s eyes widen, and a relieved grin washes over his features. He ignores the cackles from his teammates, including teasing about him getting a pre-game reward in an empty classroom. The coach looks at him pointedly, as to say he better make this meeting quick or there would certainly be hell to pay. Harry gulps, slowly slipping off the bench before making a break for the exit.

       When he pushes his way out, there she is standing in midst of the trophy case lighting. He takes a moment to appreciate how angelic she is with her hair pulled back in a braid, and how completely and utterly adorable she looks with the double-knit crossover jacket that embodies her upper frame. She glimpses up, and immediately he feels all the tenseness in his body wash away because she really might be his all-in-one remedy for just about anything. And fuck, he really wishes he could tell her that and all else that’s been simmering inside of him.  

       “Hey there, Mr. Quarterback.” 

       “Come to wish me luck?”

       She cocks her head to the side and simpers at him. “Something like that.” 

       Harry laughs, his shoulders jittering underneath all the padding. Then he takes the first step forward. “Well I’m happy you’re here,” he says. He moves another inch towards her. Reaching out, he grazes the top of her forearm with the pads of his fingers, letting his hand drop down its length until it dares to engulf the back of her open fist. A blush creeps up his neck, and he’s thankful that the hallway is dimly lit this time of night, or else she’d see how completely swept he is just by holding her. 

       And yet, he’s not the only one. Her mind has to remind her heart how to function, but the way he’s looking at her leaves everything a haze. “There’s something I need to tell you,” she confesses, suddenly remembering why it is she’s here. His digits fill the spaces between hers as his thumb encouragingly rubs over the back of hand. It’s pleasantly warm and soft, and she wouldn’t mind if they were to stand there into next week. He prods her to continue, the side of his mouth tugging up and his dimple carving in so exquisitely. She inhales deeply through her nose. 

       “Harry, I-”

       “Styles!” 

       She bites on her bottom lip when Coach Davis appears at the door with his whistle held between his gritted teeth. In no way does he look amused by the fact that one of his key players isn’t inside prepping with the rest of the team. 

       “I’ll be there in a sec, Coach,” Harry yells over his shoulder. He rolls his eyes when he turns back to her. “Sorry, he’s just going through it right now,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “What were you saying?” He squeezes her hand. 

       “I, um...” She looks past him, and the burly individual still stands there so menacingly. He clears his voice and makes a show out of staring at the time on his watch. “You know what,” she gulps. “I’ll just tell you later.” She tries her best to hide her disappointment. 

       “You sure? I mean I have a few more minutes until-”

       “Styles!” 

       Who knew one man could be so impatient? (Oh, wait...) Y/n nods robotically. “I’m sure.” So much for that. 

       A smile suddenly creeps back to her face when a thought lights up in her head. “Here,” she starts, but he begins to frown when she pulls her hand from his grasp. However, his mouth soon becomes a barren stage when she sets both her palms upon his chest, using him as a pillar to lift herself up onto her toes. Without warning, her lips press gently to his cheek. They’re soft and plushy, and everything he imagined they’d be. If he couldn’t feel Davis’ eyes burning holes in the back of his head, he’d be sure this was all a dream. “Win this one for me, and I’ll tell you.” And with that, she falls back flat on her feet, letting her arms fall from his body as she backs away. 

       It takes everything in him to resist the urge to follow her. As soon as her figure disappears into the dark of the hallway, he allows himself to be dragged back into the locker room, his limbs feeling like complete jelly. 

***

       “Where’ve you been?” Cici asks her when she joins the rest of the cheerleaders on the field. She had excused herself to use the restroom over fifteen minutes ago, and now here she is looking as though she’d won a grand raffle. 

       Y/n doesn’t answer, however; she fails miserably to hide even an ounce of her excitement. Despite still not having told him, she hopes that the kiss to cheek will give him even just the slightest hint about her feelings for him. In that moment, she had felt courageous, and now that exuberance is still bursting within her. She sits down and starts with some simple hamstring stretches, while the corners of her mouth still remain turned up. 

       “Oh my god, did you finally tell him?” Cici screams. “What did he say? Holy crap!” 

       “I wasn’t able to, no,” Y/n hums.

       “Then why do you look so happy?”

       Before she can answer, another voice beats her to it. “Yeah, Y/n. Why so happy?” Zoey pushes past a some of the cheerleaders, each sway of her hips greatly emphasized as she walks. “Excited to see Harry lead the team to victory?” she taunts. “Doesn’t he just look amazing in his uniform? Like literally so hot.” She lifts her curled hair away from her neck, and exaggerates as she fans herself. The two minions behind her begin to snigger. 

       Cici resists the urge to smack her in the face, just looking at her makes the blood in her veins boil violently. 

       Although, Y/n remains close-lipped and shrugs without interest at the girl because at this point, she isn’t worth wasting a breath on. She continues with her warmup, not even bothering to look up. Cici smirks on her behalf, waving her hand to send her away. “Why don’t you crawl back to whatever toxic pit you came from, hm?” she mocks. “Buh-bye, now!” Zoey rolls her eyes, snapping her fingers in the air signaling for her two shadows to retreat. “I swear to God, I could honestly strangle her,” Cici exasperates, falling to the ground to joining her. 

       “Don’t worry about her too much, she just wants attention.” Not even Zoey can ruin her mood tonight. 

       A few minutes later, their coach is having them get in position to start their routine for when the football team runs out onto the field. 

***

        “With only ten seconds left on the clock, the Ashwood Eagles need one last touchdown to beat the Pleasant Valley Lions.”

        There are only nine yards separating them and a claimed victory. 

        Ashwood takes their last timeout of the game, and the boys huddle to discuss this crucial next move. Everyone is exhausted, it’s evident by both the sweat on their faces and the way their movements aren’t as aggressive as they were in the beginning. But they can’t give up. With only one touchdown needed to guarantee a win, they need to tough it out for one final play. 

        “They’ve got me, and Adrian guarded,” one of the wide receivers, Brent tells them. “And with Clint out, we’re gonna need a new play.” 

        The captain, Connor, turns to Harry. “Styles, what do you think?” The rest of the team follows suite, and all eyes are on him. 

        Harry looks at each of their faces, his breathing becoming quicker and less calculated as he feels the pressure of the countdown begin to set in. A single touchdown is all that separates them from the quarterfinals, from bragging rights for beating their worst competitor, and finally...

        On the sidelines, the cheerleaders cheer them on without falter, with intricate moves that display both agility and overall school spirit. But only one holds his attention. He smiles brightly when their eyes meet. Her lips wrap around words of encouragement. You can do it! And it’s accompanied by a kiss in the wind. With that, he can feel power begin to sting in his fingertips and that last push to get his head back in the game. After this is all over, nothing is going to stop him from getting to her. 

       “Okay, so here’s what we’re gonna do.”  

***

        The crowd becomes silent once time-in is called. 

        At the nine-yard line, Harry shout the play to his teammates, patting his own helmet to finish it off. He prepares himself for when the center snaps the ball back. 

        “HIKE!”

        The sight of time depleting becomes harder to watch. Richardson snaps the football between his legs, and Harry catches it with ease. The Lions rush towards them, clashing with their defensive line in an almost violent opposition. All hope fades with each one of the receivers being heavily blocked from range. Coach Davis screams at the top of his lungs, calling for Harry to do something as the final five seconds dwindle down. 

        Like slow motion, Harry dashes down the remaining length of the field. The cold October air hitting his cheeks as he runs as fast as his legs can afford. All the shouting coming from around him fades from his ears. He dodges those who rush towards him, leaping over a defensive tackle like his life depends on it. 

        “THAT’S A TOUCHDOWN FOR ASHWOOD!”

        Harry throws the football to the ground. He screams in triumph, tearing the helmet away from his head and letting the breeze brush away the beads of sweat as they fall from the tips of his tussled hair. The team comes at him like a stampede, each member holding the same charged enthusiasm as his own. 

        At this moment, he feels invincible. The adrenaline still flowing vigorously through his veins as he basks in this victory. Everyone runs onto the field, all the coaches, benched players, and all else present on the sidelines. 

***

        Y/n tries to squeeze her way through a sea of excitable fans to get to him.

        This is it. He had won the game just as she had asked of him. Now she’s left with no choice but to finally confess all that she’s been wanting to say. Everything she feels and all that’s been winding her head are finally going to be put out in the open, just as her mom had advised her when they had their heart-to-heart. And for once, she isn’t nervous that she’ll panic or recoil because she’s positive that these feelings are real, that he’s real, and what they have has the potential to become something wonderful. There’s absolutely no reason for her to believe otherwise. It all excites her to the very core, and the closer she gets to reaching him, the more she feels these tingling nerves come alive. 

        “Harry!” she shouts for him as loudly as she can but even then, she’s still too far for him to hear her. To make things more difficult, two football players nearly sandwich her when they come together to bump shoulders with such alarming force. She pushes her way through the pair, her breath catching in her throat when she sees the back of his jersey. 

        When she gets within a closer radius, he finally hears her voice call his name. A smile that reaches his eyes dawns upon him when he turns around and sees her standing just a short distance away. She feels her heart race as she slows her pace to a steady walk. 

        Out of nowhere, a wave of auburn locks cuts in front of her in those last remaining steps. Y/n is brought to a sudden stop as she tries to avoid colliding with the her back. She leans to the side to see Harry staring at the girl with furrowed brows. A smirk comes from over the girl’s shoulder before she turns to come face to face with the quarterback.

        Zoey takes either side of Harry’s face in her hands and pulls him down, and their lips meet halfway. 

        And Y/n’s beating heart stops. ***

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Hi there! So you mind explaining to me what’s going on with Hawks and why you’re worried? I’m sorry, I’m kind of confused about the whole thing ^^;

So there's a lot to unpack, but I'll try to do it in chronological order and emphasize the most important points.

1. He has a life debt to the Hero Commission.

Whatever role they played in his life drastically altered his past. He might have become a hero anyway, but they coerced him into the lifestyle with the promise of taking care of his struggling family so they could control him. A child that young can't make that kind of decision for himself, and no matter how much he understands how messed up it is now that he's an adult, the pressure to do their bidding in return is so great that he feels powerless to fight back.

2. He seems willing to do almost anything, literally, to keep people from being hurt.

He will lie, cheat, steal, and any number of immoral things as long as he's promised that no one will actually get hurt in the end, especially if doing so will KEEP people from being hurt. Deep down he seems to know this is wrong, but the sight or thought of people suffering is clearly too much for him to stand. It's all he can actually think about in most cases.

3. He has already done questionable things in the name of helping people and they are only getting worse as time goes on. And he's doing it without telling ANYONE except the Commission.

First he cozied up to Dabi to try to get into the League instead of arresting him and pressing him for information - told he could do more good and save more people by pretending to be the bad guy. Second, he knowingly put Endeavor in danger with the High End Nomu not knowing how strong it was ahead of time and unwittingly put others in danger because he didn't anticipate Dabi lying to him. Lately, it's been heavily implied he's murdered Best Jeanist (which I think is a ruse because it just clashes with every involved characters' motivations) or at least pass off like he did - giving the impression he outright killed someone in cold blood. Now he works for the bad guys. He's gathering intel and trying to take them down from the inside, but he won't lift a finger to oppose them or insinuate they don't have his utmost loyalty. Doing so would negate the point of taking on the mission and people will get hurt if he fails his mission, right?

4. The Hero Commission doesn't care about people.

They are actively recruiting more and more young, impressionable teenagers - CHILDREN - to fight crime as heroes instead of instilling morals and ideals in the adult population. They're speeding up license approvals, pushing students into more internships, and accelerating their classwork to pump as many heroes into the game as possible. All Might genuinely did create a false sense of security that caused people to be lax about where danger stems from, and now the Commission is artificially trying to recreate that, but we know they can't and they will fail.

5. Public opinion around heroes is shaky and there's a newfound confidence in citizens creating a mob army.

Ever since Deika City citizens have been emboldened to believe they don't need heroes anymore. The political revolution/cult of the Paranormal Liberation Front actively encourages wanton use of quirks no matter how much more collateral damage even one hasty, inexperienced person can do. They're bodies willing to throw themselves at any obstacle for the cause, disregarding the fact that they may very well die in the process.

6. Hawks is a media darling and majorly popular hero across the entire country.

Everyone loves him. They can bump into him on the street and talk to him casually like he's a close friend. You can always depend on him to help in any situation big or small. He takes the time when walking down the street to pause for a selfie with *you* and sign *your* bag personally. He's handsome and smart and capable, and he's more than earned people's trust by being a great hero; but what would happen if they decided he wasn't?

So think about it this way - the public is ready to just take things into their hands at a moment's notice. Hawks has fallen off the deep end into genuinely bad ethical decisions but doesn't see any way out of it. The Commission that he fights for is underhanded and only care about their results, not doing the right thing or protecting innocent people; so who's to say if things look bad for them that they won't just throw Hawks figuratively to the wolves to cover themselves? It doesn't matter that he only did it because they wanted him to and he feels he can't say no. Look at what Hawks did! He put people in danger! He's lied to us! He killed Best Jeanist! What a horrible, horrible fake hero who only looks out for himself!

With the heat off the Commission, they can regroup and focus on their plan B, but Hawks?

He'll be torn limb from limb - figuratively at least, but possibly literally at this point. He won't fight back - he can't bring himself to hurt anybody. It's his own fault, too, right? He wasn't good enough. He wouldn't have had to do all those awful things - and he did them all willingly, he knows - if he was just a better hero. If he had been stronger, faster, better, it wouldn't have turned out like this.

But it didn't, and he'll blame himself for it which is probably the saddest part of it all.

[uswntpoet]

One Day (Kellex One Shot)

Summary:

Technically winning a World Cup is the best moment in your life, but why does it feel like everything is going downhill for Kelley and Alex ever since?

Notes:

Hey guys, this is the author of ‘Love on the brain’, I wrote a one shot that isn’t related to that story, I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think :)

“Kelley!! Alex!! Shots at the bar!” JJ screams, waving her hand enthusiastically.

“I’ll be right back, babe.” Alex says, freeing herself form Servando’s embrace.

“Would you mind?” Kelley asks Hannah.

“No of course not. Go, have fun.” she encourages, smiling sweetly.

“5 minutes.” Kelley smiles, pressing a sweet kiss to her lips.

“Kel?” Alex calls over her shoulder.

“Coming!” Kelley responds, immediately turning around, putting her hands on Alex’s shoulders. Alex turns her head to look at her, smiling brightly. Kelley eyes are beaming and she smiles back at her even brighter.

“SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, EVERBOOOODY!” Kelley yells loudly, her hands guiding Alex through the crowd to the rhythm of the music, lightly moving her shoulder blades from left to right. Alex laughs loudly, already feeling the effects of the alcohol. She reaches for her shoulder to hold on to one of Kelley’s hands while throwing her other hand into the air, joining in on Kelley’s shenanigans.

“There you are!!! Now let’s down these fucking shots bitches.” Ashlyn slurs, putting her shot in the middle of the group to toast. Ali hands Alex and Kelley their shots and they all bring them to the middle.

“Kel?” Megan asks, raising her eyebrow.

“To being fucking WORLD CHAMPS! OOS- OOS- OOS- AAH!” Kelley yells.

“OOS- OOS- OOS- AAH!!” the whole team yells, clinking shot glasses.

“WOOHOO!” Tobin, Allie and Kelley all yell after taking the shot. Alex laughs loudly, looking at some of her teammates who are scrunching up their faces from the shot. Meanwhile, Kelley feels awesome. Her whole body is more energized than ever, running at full speed. Right in that moment she feels as if she’s on top of the world. Her head is bopping to the beat of the music and her mind is on a high that resembles a trip.

“ANOTHER ROUND!” she exclaims, making some of her teammates roll their eyes and leave while others cheer and stay.

Another shot turns into six other shots and after round three the only ones remaining are Kelley and Alex, their promises to return to Servando and Hannah long forgotten. Hence, ‘5 minutes’ turn into one hour of not coming back and tipsy chuckles turn into drunken laughter while stumbling around, almost falling over each other. If you’d asks either of them, no one could have answered how they ended up outside of the party. Now they are sitting on the curb of the sidewalk, several feet from the back door, sharing a bottle of champagne.

“France, you’ve really been perfect!! Now I understand why everything is about love here.” Kelley slurs into the crystal-clear night sky, looking up at the stars.

It’s a warm summer night, the street completely empty and crickets are chirping along to the muffled bass of the music that is echoing through the streets.

“Imagine spending a night like this in Paris, drinking wine and dancing in the streets with someone you love.” Alex slurs, longingly looking up at the sky as well, handing Kelley the champagne bottle.

Kelley takes a swig of the bottle and sets it down on the ground, standing up.

“What are you doing?” Alex chuckles.

“May I?” Kelley holds out her hand, taking a bow.

“You can’t be serious right now. We’re not dancing here.” Alex giggles.

“Why not?” Kelley laughs.

“Because it was only nonsense.”

“I know you, it wasn’t.” Kelley grins.

Alex rolls her eyes, hating that Kelley indeed does know her so well, “Still.”

“Miss Morgan this may not be Paris and I only got champagne for you, but it’s still a pretty perfect summer night and someone who loves you is standing in front of you, asking you to dance with them in the streets of Lyon.” Kelley announces with a smile, still holding out her hand.

Alex looks at her with uncertainty, but the smile that is born on her face is the brightest Kelley has seen from her all day.

“Huh?” Kelley grins, raising her eyebrows and wiggling her fingers to make Alex take her hand.

“Aaaalright.” Alex says, taking Kelley’s hand and letting her help her up.

Kelley pulls her close, putting her hand on her waist, guiding Alex’s hand to her shoulder and taking her other hand into her own. She looks down at their feet, lining them perfectly and when she looks up at Alex, her eyes are looking back at her with a glow that Kelley would love to see all the time.

“One..two…three.” Kelley says under her breath, before taking the first step forward, making Alex take a step back and immediately matching her step.

“Good anticipation, Miss Morgan.” Kelley winks.

They dance around smoothly, holding eye contact at all time, the drunk smiles never leaving their faces.

“Why did I know you were going for a slow waltz?” Alex asks with an amused smile.

“Because I’m romantic as fuck.” Kelley grins smugly.

“Can’t argue with that.”

Kelley holds her arm up, letting Alex turn under it and smoothly takes her hand again, continuing the dance, pulling her close. A little too close. Much closer than necessary. Their foreheads are almost touching now, their gazes fixed on each other. Bright smiles turn into longing looks. Alex’s breathing starts getting heavier and her heart is beating out of her chest.

“Wanna try something even more romantic?” Kelley whispers.

Alex just nods her head, speechlessly. Kelley releases her hand and places both of Alex’s hands behind her neck while her own hands go around Alex’s waist, turning the slow waltz into a slow dance. Their bodies are pushed together completely now, not one inch space in between them, their foreheads finally touching. When Alex feels a light tingling of Kelley’s breath on her lips, she looks at Kelley’s lips before quickly looking back up into her eyes. The usual mix of green and brown in Kelley’s eyes which Alex always found really pretty is gone. Instead Alex can see almost only black, Kelley’s pupils dilated immensely. Alex starts thinking that it must be the alcohol and why in the world is she thinking about how pretty Kelley’s eyes are. The next moment Alex realizes that they have stopped dancing. They’re just standing there in the middle of the street in Lyon, bodies so close that they feel like one, staring into each other’s eyes for what feels like eternity. There is absolute silence for a minute. Before either one of them can process what is happening, they are both leaning in at the same time, sharing a short kiss that resembles a peck and both pull away again. They end up looking at each other’s lips confused. When they go in for another short peck, their gazes meet simultaneously once they pull away for a second time. That is the last straw it takes. They start kissing again, but this time it’s not a peck. When their lips touch it feels like an explosion of passion. Kelley literally feels her body releasing dopamine that flows through her veins like electricity, her heart racing. Their teeth clash together in urgency. The kiss a desperate attempt to express all of their emotions, turning it messy. Both of their eyebrows are furrowed while holding on to each other’s faces for dear life to kiss forcefully. Their lips move restlessly and needy as if it was their last moment on earth. Alex suddenly feels a sharp pain spreading through her head and she pulls away slightly.

“I-I can’t.” she rasps breathlessly, sounding anything but sure.

Kelley just starts kissing her more passionately, the creases on her forehead starting to intensify. A hasty attempt to stop Alex from thinking and it appears to work. As soon as Kelley’s lips are on Alex’s again, she forgets every thought that started to rush into her brain, the kiss anesthetizing every feeling of pain. Now Kelley is the one to pull away, panic written across her face.

“Fuck, we shouldn’t be doing this.” she gasps, but they still continue to kiss.

“I know.”

“We’re drunk.” Kelley mumbles.

“I know.” Alex breathes, turning her head to deepen the kiss.

There is pain and desperation written across both of their faces, but neither one of them can let go. Mid kiss Kelley starts walking forward until Alex’s back hits the wall of the venue they are celebrating in. She kisses Alex’s neck, making her moan lightly, throwing her head back against the wall. Kelley’s hands start opening Alex’s belt while Alex’s hands disappear under Kelley’s shirt, her nails digging into her back. When Kelley starts unbuttoning and unzipping her pants, Alex grabs Kelley’s chin to redirect her into a kiss again. Kelley’s hand starts making its way into Alex’s pants, teasing Alex by going agonizingly slowly. This only lasts until Alex grabs Kelley’s wrist impatiently and pushes it further down.

“Aaaaalex??” a voice calls, making both of them freeze on the spot.

“Kelley? Are you here???” the approaching voice calls.

They pull away from each other’s lips.

“Fuck.” Alex exhales in panic.

Kelley quickly buttons Alex’s pants, jumping away from her, starting to hectically go through her hair and her face. Meanwhile, Alex tightens her belt just as hectically, also brushing her hands through her hair. Kelley sits down at the curb again, taking the bottle of champagne into her hand and Alex sits down next to her, leaving a suspiciously huge gap between them.

“Are you insane?? Come closer!!” Kelley whisper yells, grabbing Alex’s arm to pull her closer.

“Same goes for you! Who sits like that?!” she snaps at Kelley, who sits so upright that she might as well dine with royals. Kelley relaxes her back just in time when Allie walks around the corner.

“There you are! What were you guys doing without me?” she slurs.

Kelley’s eyes go wide and she quickly starts chugging the rest of the huge bottle of champagne. Alex looks at her in disbelieve.

“We were just talking.” Alex says, standing up.

“Wowza Kel, you’re the life of the party.” Allie laughs, when Kelley sets down the empty bottle which was nearly half full.

“I’ll be right back. I need to go to the bathroom.” Alex excuses herself.

“That I can see.” Allie chuckles.

“What?” Alex exclaims wide eyed while Kelley freezes again.

“Your zipper.” Allie laughs, pointing at Alex’s pants, “It’s already open.”

Alex and Kelley’s eyes dart down to Alex’s zipper which indeed is still and not already open.

“Uh, yeah. I really have to pee badly.” Alex laughs awkwardly, before almost jogging to the back door to enter the venue again.

Allie looks at Kelley observingly.

“Dude, your lips are so swollen from chugging that bottle of champagne right now.” she laughs.

Kelley hesitantly starts joining in with Allie’s laughter, before redirecting the conversation to something else. They talk for about 15 minutes, waiting for Alex to return, but she never does. When they reenter the venue to go search for her, they are told that she already left about 15 minutes ago.

“And man did she leave hastily, I bet Servando is getting lucky tonight.” Ashlyn laughs drunkenly, causing Allie to burst into laughter and Kelley’s heart to ache. As if that wasn’t quite enough, she feels a hand on her shoulder and when she turns around big brown eyes are looking back at her. Her girlfriend.

“Where have you been?” she asks with an annoyed edge to her voice.

“I- uh- I-“ Kelley slurs, feeling the effect of the champagne combining with all the shots. The room starts spinning, her head hurting badly from the mix of the alcohol and the concussion she got in the game. Kelley feels her eyes moving uncontrollably. A dull droning fills her ears, making the conversations around her incomprehensible.

A muffled “What’s up with her?” is all she can hear Allie say, before blacking out.

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“I-uh-I-“ Kelley slurs, making Hannah look away impatiently.

“What’s up with her?” Allie asks alarmed, pointing at Kelley, who looks like she’s about to pass out.

Hannah looks at Kelley, who slumps over in that exact moment.

“Woooah, slowly Kel.” Allie chuckles, stepping forward to help Hannah to prevent Kelley from falling.

“Aaaaand she’s out.” Ashlyn laughs loudly, blindly trying to find the straw of her drink with her tongue without success.

“Something tells me she’s not far from it either.” Allie whispers loudly to Ali, pointing at Ashlyn.

“HEY!” Ashlyn yells while Pinoe arrives with a shitfaced smile.

“Kel bell, what’s up with you?” Pinoe slurs with a baby voice, poking Kelley’s face without getting a response.

“Great. Was she still drinking when you found her?” Hannah groans, ignoring all the drunkards around her.

“Found her whilst chugging half a bottle of champagne.”

“LEGEND.” Pinoe bawls.

“Ugggh. Tomorrow is going to be awesome.”

Allie takes another look at Kelley, who is limply hanging on to their supporting shoulders with her eyes closed, toppling back and forth.

“Definitely.” she laughs.

“Okay, party’s over, babe. Let’s get you to the hotel.”

“I’ll help you.” Allie offers.

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Kelley miraculously survives the night without any incidents. Knocked out like a light, she sleeps through. The miserable part starts in the morning when she wakes up guilt ridden, the memories of the night before flooding in. She wishes the alcohol somehow had made her forget. Instead her body still feels and smells intoxicated, however the real origin of anything poisonous is located in her thoughts that are drowning her like a wave, violently pulling her head underwater every time she tries to breathe. Kelley starts to wonder how she even got to the hotel and her eyes start going wide when she realizes that apparently, she can’t recall as much as she thought. Kelley looks around the room in panic, making her head hurt badly. She is alone. The bed beside her is already made or untouched in the first place. She then looks down her body which is covered in clothes. A good sign. Kelley lets out a deep breath, looking at the ceiling. At least she didn’t do anything worse she thinks before realizing that it really couldn’t get any worse than it already is. She reaches for her phone, squinting at the bright light of her phone which immediately makes her headache even more prominent.

Hannah [8:49]: Call me when you wake up.

Instead Kelley texts her, not ready to face the agony of hearing Hannah’s blameless voice. It already hurts enough to know that she is going to have to lie to her either way. After Kelley motionlessly and numbly stood under the stream of an ice-cold shower, she meets Hannah in the lobby to go for a walk outside since she can’t even think about breakfast. Hannah fills in the blanks in Kelley’s memory and Kelley hasn’t been able to even look at her once since they met.      

“What’s up with you?”

“Huh?” Kelley mumbles absentmindedly.

“Something is off.”

“Eh no I just-“

Kelley stops mid-sentence when she hears Alex’s voice, arguing loudly. Before Kelley is able to process what is about to happen, Alex walks around the corner, looking behind her, not watching where she is going. She is walking so fast that she almost crashes into Kelley who quickly grips her arms to cushion the collision. She barley manages to stop before they knock heads and Servando comes to an abrupt halt, the words he was yelling faltering. Alex looks at Kelley with wide eyes. Kelley notices the tension between her and Servando in a heartbeat. She has been running from him, he was chasing. Kelley feels a feeling of sickness arising in her body.

“-feel sick.” she finishes.

She quickly pushes Alex back forcefully and bends over, starting to throw up.

“Kelley!!” Alex gasps.

“Oh my god, Kelley!” Hannah exclaims.

“Shit.” Servando says worried.

Alex jumps into action faster than lightning. She holds Kelley’s hair and gently strokes her back, while Hannah rushes to her side as well, being left with patting the lower part of her back. When Kelley stops, she slumps down to the ground, leaning against the wall, closing her eyes.

“Water.” she says weakly.

“I’ll get you some!” Hannah quickly says.

“I’ll get some wet towels.” Servando adds, jogging to catch up with Hannah.

Alex sits down next to Kelley, putting her arm around her. Kelley lets her head fall on Alex’s shoulder exhaustedly. She wipes the sweat off Kelley’s forehead with her hand. Even though Alex only sits beside her, she can feel Kelley’s heart racing. So, while her hand is still holding Kelley’s forehead, she lays her free hand on top of her chest, right above her heart to calm her down.

“Hey, shhhh, I’m here.” she soothes with a gentle voice.

Kelley nods lightly, nuzzling her head in the crook of her neck. After a minute or so of just sitting in silence Alex starts to worry.

“Your heart is still racing.”

Kelley doesn’t answer for another solid minute.

“I think you’re only making it worse.” she finally whispers with a weak smile on her face.

Alex heart makes a jump, but she still decides on ignoring the comment and drop her hand.

“Are you okay?”

“Alex…I-“

“Shit, babe, are you okay?” Hannah asks worried, handing her the water bottle while Servando hands Alex a towel.

“Eh-yeah. I drank a lot last night, haven’t been feeling well all morning.” Kelley says with a crack in her voice, still avoiding eye contact, turning her head to Alex so she can place the cold towel on her forehead. Alex looks at Kelley disbelievingly, knowing that Kelley is lying. Meanwhile, Hannah and Servando seem to buy Kelley’s cheap excuse.

“Typical hangover. That’s the worst, man.” Servando grimaces.

“Ugh, Kelley I literally told you not to drink that much. I already had a handful with getting you to the hotel last night. You’re lucky Allie was such an angel. I don’t watch you for like one hour and you’re shit wasted. I should have left you at the venue.” Hannah rants.

Kelley looks at her annoyed, clearly not in the physical condition to argue.

“Alex, I’m so sorry!” Hannah apologizes.

“NO!” Alex exclaims loudly, making everybody look at her.

“Eh, I mean, no everything is fine. Actually, I’m the one who has to be sorry.”

Kelley looks at her with panic struck eyes that scream ‘You can’t be serious!’ while Hannah and Servando look at her questioningly.

“Kelley isn’t to blame. I got her this drunk. We were downing some shots and I kept on ordering more.” Alex defends.

“Well, defending her is really honorable Alex, still I don’t see you throwing up all over the lawn. However, I got to say, you look really pale right now.” Hannah observes.    

“Uh, yeah. I don’t feel quite well either.” Alex answers, now being the one who can’t look at Hannah. Kelley notices immediately, trying to pull the attention away from Alex.

“I think I need some more rest. Would you mind helping me upstairs?” she asks Hannah.

“Yeah, sure.”

Only now does Alex realizes that her other hand is still around Kelley and she quickly drops it. She then jumps to her feet, awkwardly dusting off her pants. Hannah puts her arm around Kelley to stabilize her for the second time in the last 24 hours.

“Do you need any help?” Servando asks.

“We’re good. Who drinks that much has to deal with the consequences, right?”

“…Right.” Alex mumbles quietly, looking at the ground.

Her gaze quickly shoots up when she feels Kelley’s eyes on her. She looks at Alex desperately.

“Thanks again Alex, your reaction was blazing fast. I don’t think I would have acted that quickly when someone almost threw up on me.”

“Of course. I care for Kelley. That goes without saying.” Alex says meaningfully and Kelley looks at her guiltily, catching the insinuation.

“Thanks, Al.” she says quietly, before they leave.

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At lunch, they say goodbye to their friends and family. However, while for most of the players the goodbye is either happy because they are going to see them in a couple of days again or sad because their partners and families go back to their normal working schedules, both cases don’t apply to Kelley or Alex. After Alex said goodbye to her family, untypically prolonging the hugs to avoid facing Servando, she finds herself standing in front of him, still not able to make eye contact.

“Hey.” he says softly, putting his finger under Alex’s chin to make her look up at him.

The moment Alex’s eyes meet his she can’t stop the tears from coming. They are streaming down her face like a waterfall and desperate sobs escape her lips. Servando wraps her in an affectionate hug, gently combing his hand through her hair. The loving hug only makes Alex cry harder and she holds onto him, her face buried in his chest. He kisses her head softly.

“Don’t cry. I’ll meet you in LA in a few days.” he says softly, causing Alex’s body to shake heavily, the tears soaking his shirt.

Meanwhile, Kelley is standing across the room apathetically while her family and her girlfriend have a conversation, she should probably engage in. Still, they don’t bother since nothing seems to grab her attention all morning. Hannah rightly accused her of being distant which Kelley excused with being extremely hungover, downplaying her real emotions. Despite all that, her attention is drawn towards Alex immediately when she hears her crying. She instantly feels a profound urge to walk up to Alex and hold her close, but instead Alex is wrapped in Servando’s embrace. Her husband. ‘Alex has a husband’ Kelley thinks. She watches Servando kiss Alex’s head, whispering something which only makes Alex cry even more and she doesn’t recognize her feet starting to make her way across the room until a hand on her shoulder stops her.

“Are you okay?”

Kelley turns around to look at Hannah. Her girlfriend. ‘I have a girlfriend’ Kelley thinks.

“Do you have to throw up again? You look terrible right now.” Hannah asks worried.

Sam walks by with a cup of beer and Kelley snatches it from her hand, downing it in one go, before putting the cup back into her hand. Sam looks at her with her jaw agape.

“Thanks.” Kelley pats her shoulder, making her walk on confused.

Kelley turns around hastily to look at Alex and Servando before Hannah snaps her finger in front of Kelley’s face angrily, looking at her in disbelief.

“What?!” Kelley says a little too loud when her head snaps back to Hannah.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe this.” Hannah turns around angrily.

“Wait, Hannah! I’m sorry!” Kelley chases her.

She catches up with her in the lobby, gripping her arm.

“Stop!” Hannah warns, freeing her arm from Kelley’s grip.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Kelley takes a step back, looking around nervously.

Hannah observes her closely, sighing when she sees the dull look in Kelley’s eyes.

“What are you sorry for?” Hannah asks desperately.

“For being in a bad mood.” Kelley mumbles unconvincingly.

“Bullshit.” Hannah counters.

“What are you really sorry for?”

Kelley stares at the ground numbly, chewing on her bottom lip.

“Why are you acting like that?” Hannah goes on.

No response.

“Kelley…I’m not blind. Can’t you just say it?”

Kelley shakes her head, tears starting to fall down her face. She wipes them away quickly.

“You love her.” Hannah says softly.

Kelley’s eyes meet Hannah’s. Now she allows the tears to silently roll down her face.

“I’m so so sorry.” Kelley cries, her voice almost unintelligible because it’s cracking so much.

She looks away ashamed, hiding her face in her hands. Suddenly, she feels her hands being pulled away from her face. Hannah holds her hands, giving them a squeeze.

“It’s okay.” she whispers, making Kelley’s heart break into a thousand pieces.

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The team leaves France behind to continue on riding in the whirlwind that has them under its control ever since the night before. Kelley keeps a straight face for the first two hours of their flight back to the US, partying with her teammates, trying to erase all her pain. After another exhausting round of drinks, nearly everyone has fallen asleep to somewhat stay alive for the next 24 hours. Kelley doesn’t know how many beers she drank within said two hours, but sitting in the now silent plane she knows one thing for sure and that is that she’s feeling like shit and it’s not going to go away that easily. She tries to fall asleep for what feels like an eternity, tossing and turning sleeplessly, but her mind can’t rest for just one second. What she doesn’t know, is that she isn’t the only one. Alex watches Kelley since half an hour, the pain in her chest growing with every minute she sees the distraught expression on her face. Kelley sits up, exhaling deeply and rubs her hands through her face. When she stays put with her hands over her face for a really long time, Alex starts to worry even more and just as she decides to walk over, Kelley stands up determined. Alex quickly closes her eyes, pretending to sleep. She hears the light steps coming closer, feeling Kelley standing over her. That’s where she remains motionless for about 3 minutes. Alex considers if she should just open her eyes and check if Kelley has left, but she senses her presence unquestionably. Kelley squats down, lightly touching Alex’s shoulder.

“Al?” Alex hears her gentle voice.

“Alex...are you awake?” the warmth of her voice makes Alex’s heart combust in the same way Servando’s unknowing and pure tone did earlier.

When she gets not response Kelley sighs heavily. Just when Alex thinks she stands up and leaves, she feels Kelley’s warm breath on her ear.

“I’m so sorry.” she whispers shakily before pressing a featherlight kiss to her cheek. That’s also when Alex feels something else touch her cheek and she senses that Kelley is standing up quickly. The pressure in her chest gets unbearable and Alex contemplates opening her eyes, but what should she say? Does it matter anyway? Shouldn’t they just ignore what happened? The tingling on her cheek pulls her out of her thoughts.

“Wait!” Alex whispers, quickly sitting up, her arm darting forward to reach for any part of Kelley, but her hand reaches into nothingness. Alex catches a short glimpse of Kelley jogging down the aisle, wiping away her tears and disappearing into the bathroom. Alex stares down the now empty aisle heartbroken. The tingling on her cheek starts moving down her face and Alex wipes her cheek, catching Kelley’s tear before it drips down her chin. They don’t talk after that.

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“Alex!! Alex!!! Give us a smile!! Alex to your left!!” the photographers yell deafening loud when Alex walks through a screaming crowd, ducking her head and following her teammates to enter the hotel.

“Alex, can you sign my shirt?”

“Alex what do you say to the criticism of your goal celebration?”

After all the years of standing in the spotlight since a very young age, the screams are only white noise to Alex. Therefore, Alex can’t explain why one particular question somehow forces its way into her ear.

“Alex where has your husband been all tournament??”

Alex’s step falters. She clenches her fists. The screams around her getting louder and louder until they are echoing through her head on maximum volume. She becomes uncomfortably aware of the noise that she tuned out before.

“Are the rumors true that you’re breaking up?” the same reporter yells.

Alex turns around abruptly, quickly striding in the direction of the reporter with sheer anger on her face, determined to take action, when she feels the wind being knocked out of her. She collides with a torso that is pushing her in the direction of the hotel entrance with such force that Alex can’t do anything but swim along the stream of her teammates and the staff, bolting for the entrance to escape the people. However, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t try to fight back. When they enter the building, the body moves them away from the hustle and only now does Alex escape from the tunnel like state her mind was in that prevented her from perceiving her surroundings. She stops fighting against the force and takes a step back to look who’s been dragging her along. She looks at Kelley perplexed who is standing in front of her barrel-chested.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Alex barks, trying to push past her.

“I’m obviously saving you from a huge mistake!” Kelley argues, blocking her way.

“I don’t need to be rescued!!” Alex yells, shoving her in the chest.  

“Apparently you do Alex!!!” Kelley yells back.

“And what makes you the great hero to take that responsibility upon your shoulders?” Alex comments with a spiteful chuckle.

“Are you fucking serious right now?! I worry about you!!!” Kelley screams, making everybody look at them.

“Oh, spare yourself the sympathy.” Alex says numbly.

“You’re really campaigning for ‘Asshole of the Year’, huh?” Kelley asks sharply, getting into Alex’s face.

“As the defending champion, are you nervous?” Alex counters arrogantly.

“Guys!!! Stop!!!” Dawn intervenes, trying to pull them apart, but they keep on going.

“Are you insane?! Do you know what could have happened?? Alex, really, do you understand what it would have meant to go at him?!”

“That’s MY problem!!! That’s MY FUCKING problem!!! Not yours!!”

“You know what Alex? Go ruin your life then, but don’t come crawling back to me and make me say ‘I told you so’. All I wanted was to help you.”

“You’re so full of yourself. Don’t act like you care anyway!!!!” Alex yells in anger.

Kelley raises her eyebrow at her, shaking her head and turns around to leave, but Alex walks around her, stopping in front of her.

“Don’t you dare look at me like that!! I don’t need your condescending attitude. I don’t need your pity. And most of all I don’t need your help!” Alex bites, pushing her pointer finger into Kelley’s chest repeatedly.

Kelley takes Alex’s finger into her hand, holding on to it.

“Yeah, right Alex. You made it pretty clear that you don’t need me.” she whispers bitterly, her voice full of pain, looking at her intensely. She then releases her hand, removing it from her chest and walks away without looking back once.

“Kelley!” Allie yells after her, but Kelley just keeps on walking.

Ali, JJ and Becky start running after her.

“What in the world was that?” Allie asks shocked, pulling Alex from her state of rage. That’s also the moment that Alex notices most of the team staring at her, jaw agape. When she does, she looks away ashamed, tears forming in her eyes and she takes off.

“Alex! Wait!” Allie calls after her.

Alex enters the staircase of the hotel. She sprints up the stairs until her lungs are burning and the tears are blocking her sight. Then she slumps down on the ground, pulling her legs to her body, hiding her face behind her legs. The staircase is filled with devastated sobs and it only takes two minutes until it’s also filled with sounds of steps approaching carefully. Someone sits down beside her. Alex feels arms pulling her in an embrace and she leans into the hug, crying even harder.

“It’s going to be okay.” Allie says softly, stroking her hair.

Alex shakes her head, gripping Allie’s shirt and keeps on crying for hours.

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Kelley wakes up with a jolt, a gasp escaping her mouth and she sits up straight.

“Fuck.” she breathes, letting herself fall back in the bed.

She grabs her phone, checking the time. 04:03 AM. She groans loudly. She only managed to fall asleep about one hour ago and is already woken by Alex wandering around in her dreams.

“Fuckin’ awesome.” Kelley whispers, throwing her legs out of bed.

She gets up and still feels the effects of the alcohol in her system, stumbling out of bed, almost falling over. They went out earlier, still celebrating the win. Kelley probably drank a sip for every minute Alex didn’t look at her which was a lot since she didn’t do so even once. She paces around her room, grabbing a small bottle of booze from the minibar, downing it in one go, scrunching up her face and letting the bottle fall to the ground. Kelley then leaves her room, staggering down the hallway, crashing into the walls every few steps until she arrives in front of Alex’s room. Under the door Kelley can see a light and she knocks against the door loudly.

“Aalex?”

Kelley holds onto the door frame to keep from swaying back and forth, waiting for her to open the door. When she doesn’t, she starts raising her voice.

“Alex, we need to talk!”

Kelley puts her ear against the door, listening for any noise.

“Aaalex!” she yells.

“Alex, I know you’re awake.” Kelley slurs, leaning her forehead against her door to support her weight.

“Heeey, open up!!”

She knocks again, but Alex is not responding. Kelley bangs her fist against the door hopelessly.

“I know you’re there. You can’t hide from me forever.” Kelley whispers, as she turns around and slides down the door, sitting down on the ground.

Meanwhile, Alex sits on the other side of the door, mirroring Kelley’s position, covering her mouth to silence the sobs that are escaping her once again.

“You know, I really need you to talk to me…” Kelley slurs, her voice sounding lost and almost childlike which it never does and it breaks Alex’s heart.

Alex closes her eyes, breathing unsteadily, the tears rolling down her face silently.

“I don’t know what to do…” Kelley cries.

“Al, I don’t know what I should do and I need your help. I need you here with me.” she sobs.

That’s where they both fall asleep. Back to back, but still a thousand miles apart.

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Kelley is woken by a kick to her ankle. She squints up, the light in the hallway blinding her and she rubs her hands through her face exhaustedly.

“You look like shit.” Allie comments drily.

“I feel like it.” Kelley rasps.

“Did you really spend the night in front of her door?”

Kelley looks around disoriented, still half asleep, “Looks like it, huh?”

Suddenly her eyes go wide and she jumps up immediately.

“Uuuh, I mean- I- I don’t know!! I must have been sleepwalking or very drunk.” Kelley stutters.

“Kelley?”

“Yeah?”

“Cut the crap.”

Kelley gives her an awkwardly nervous look.

“Uh…did she..uh-“

“Did she tell me?!” Allie chuckles.

“Ehm, yeah?” Kelley asks unsure, her voice high.

Allie bursts into loud laughter, making Kelley look at her insecurely.

“Bitch, please!! First of all, I’m surprised it only happened now-”

Kelley shakes her head shocked, wondering how Allie noticed.

“Don’t shake your head like that, I’m not fucking blind-“

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Kelley frowns.

“-and second of all ‘We were just talking’?!? Who were you guys trying to kid? A three-year-old?”

“What do you mean?”

“Kel, Alex looked like a flustered mess with her zipper open and when it comes to you, no champagne bottle in the world makes your lips look like that.”

Kelley opens her mouth, meaning to defend herself, but she closes it quickly again.

“That’s what I thought.” Allie says knowingly, raising an eyebrow.

Kelley exhales deeply, looking at Allie exhaustedly and slides down the door again, closing her eyes and massaging her forehead.

Allie squats down in front of her, “Does she know you slept here?”

“Maybe…probably…I don’t know. I don’t quite remember last night that well.” Kelley shakes her head, frowning.

“Kel…”

Allie stops and puts her hand on Kelley’s knee to make her look at her.

“You shouldn’t be here.” she whispers pained, giving Kelley a compassionate look.

Kelley lets her hand fall from her forehead, looking at Allie with bloodshot, dull eyes, but somehow her gaze still is intimidatingly piercing. Kelley studies Allie’s eyes closely, looking at her motionless for a long minute. Then she gets up without saying a word. Allie still squats on the ground, now looking up at her questioningly. Kelley nods at Allie emotionlessly, her face gone distant and cold.

“Yeah.” she says before she turns around.

Allie, who remains in her position, watches her walk down the hallway, trying to read what she just witnessed. Kelley stops in front of her room, unlocking her door, taking another look at Allie before entering her hotel room. Allie stares at Alex’s door blankly and then turns her head to Kelley’s door again.

“No.” she whispers, jumping up and running to Kelley’s door, turning the doorknob hectically.

The door is locked and Allie hammers with her flat hand against it repeatedly.

“Kelley! Open the door!”

Kelley doesn’t respond.

“Kelley open the fucking door!!”

The door springs open and Kelley walks out with her suitcase and her bag, pulling the door closed. She has never been gladder that she didn’t unpack her things when they arrived at the hotel the day before.    

“What are you doing?!” Allie exclaims, looking at her shocked.

“I’m leaving.” Kelley says coldly, marching down the hallway.

“What do you mean you’re leaving?! Are you crazy?? You can’t just leave, Kelley!!” Allie shouts, following Kelley frantically.

“I have to, you said it yourself. She doesn’t need me.”

“I was talking about sitting in front of her door you fucking idiot!”

“No, you’re right. I’m no good for her. I’m going to make her life a mess and she is the one who made her decision!”

“Woah, stop right there!! What are you talking about?!”

“I said what I said. She made her fucking decision without any hesitation, she chose this!!” Kelley snaps outraged.

“Kel, that’s really unfair. Why are you making her out to be the one who made that decision?!” Allie scolds her angrily.

“Because she’s with Servando!!!” Kelley yells, stopping and turning around.

“And you’re with Hannah!!” Allie yells reproachful.

Kelley stays silent. Allie is waiting for a verbal response, but instead only gets a look out of Kelley that she wishes she hadn’t seen. Kelley looks at her with such agony in her eyes that Allie nearly has to look away because she can’t take it. Kelley turns around, walking towards the elevator. Allie is left dumbfounded, frozen for a few seconds before she catches up with Kelley, gripping her arm to turn her around harshly.

“No, no, no, no, no! You’re with Hannah!” Allie emphasizes intensely.

“Leave me the fuck alone.” Kelley says icily, trying to free her arm.

Since Allie doesn’t let her go, Kelley just keeps on walking, dragging her towards the elevator, pushing the button. Allie lets Kelley’s arm go, getting in her way.

“Kel, you’re with Hannah. Right?” Allie asks shocked.

“We broke up.”

“HOOOLY FUCK.” Allie exclaims.

“The morning before we left Lyon.”

“Are you kidding me?!”

“I wish I was.”

“That’s insane!!” Allie exclaims.

“I know!” Kelley yells.

“…I know. I wish I could lie, say that it’s okay, that I want her to be happy with him. But the truth is I can’t. I can’t do that. Not when I know what could have been. I can’t just sit and watch. It’s killing me, Allie. When I see them together it causes this excruciating pain in my chest and all I can think about how my hands would touch her more gently than his, how my voice would worship her more than his does, how my heart would love her more than he ever could. I wish that just for one day, I could be enough…but I’m not.”

“And now you’re leaving?!”

“How should I bear seeing her everyday without once daring to look her in the eyes and tell her the truth?? I’m messing up her life.”

Allie looks at her in disbelief. Kelley steps into the elevator.

“She is married.” Kelley breathes, looking at Allie meaningfully, her voice cracking.

Allie holds her arm into the door, stopping the elevator from closing.

“But Kel…you and Hannah…you were-“ Allie whispers with tears in her eyes.

“Engaged. Yes.” Kelley says calmly, her voice carrying enormous pain, “Maybe it was a good decision that we never told anyone.”

“Kelley.” Allie breathes, tears rolling down her face.

Kelley walks up to Allie, taking her face in her hands.

“Allie, you have to let me go.” she says valiantly.

Allie shakes her head.

“You were right. I have to.” Kelley whispers calmly, her eyes glossy.

In Allie’s head the wheels start turning and Kelley can almost watch her thoughts battling between logic and feelings. Suddenly, Allie’s face goes blank and Kelley is pretty sure she finally lets her go.

“No Kel, that’s not going to happen.” Allie says determined, wiping away her tears, taking a step forward and disabling the elevator.

“What did you do??” Kelley asks aghast.

“I’m not going to let this happen.”

“Allie.”

“No, Kel. As your friend it’s my responsibility to stop you from committing what I believe is a huge mistake. You and Alex need to sort things out. If after that you decide to leave, I can’t stop you, but right now you’re not going disappear without saying a word. Plus, Jill would literally kill me, if I’d let you go right now.”

“And what am I supposed to say to her??” Kelley exclaims hopelessly.

“The truth.”

“The truth doesn’t matter anyway. It’s like you said, I shouldn’t be near her, sleeping in front of her door and stuff.” Kelley exclaims.

“I know what I said, but…” Allie rambles.

“But what?” Kelley mumbles discouraged, rolling her eyes and looking away from Allie.

“Kelley, look at me.” Allie commands.

Kelley reluctantly makes eye contact.  

“Alex is an absolute mess right now.” Allie looks at Kelley meaningfully, stressing her words to mark their significance.

Kelley looks at her shocked, the thought of Alex hurting because of her making her even more miserable.

“But she won’t even talk to me.” Kelley reasons stunned.

“Then find a way to make her. Kelley, really, you need to fix this.” Allie urges, gripping Kelley’s shoulders and shaking her lightly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another day goes by without talking to Alex. The whole Tuesday Kelley tries to get a hold of her, but no matter how hard she tries, Alex just keeps on ignoring her. After a long, painful day Kelley is at her wit’s end and lays in bed wide awake and exhausted. She doesn’t get any sleep that night and instead keeps drinking to numb the permanent twinge in her chest. When the first rays of sunlight beam through the window of her hotel room, Kelley already has been up for a while since she was no longer able to lay still and instead took a long shower, trying to make any sense of everything that is happening. After she got dressed, she finds herself in front of Alex’s hotel room once again, sitting adjacent to her door. That’s where she waits rather impatiently. When an hour goes by Kelley starts asking herself why in the world she is sitting in front of Alex’s room since 5:30 am yet again. Kelley continues checking her watch, drawing along the patterns of the hotel’s carpeted floor out of pure boredom. At 8:00 am Kelley hears shuffling in Alex’s room and even though she is glad to hear that Alex is still in her hotel room, she also feels an enormous feeling of anxiety devouring her body. At about 8:40 am Kelley hears Alex’s steps approaching the door and at this point her heart is beating so fast that she considers running away, but instead she takes a deep breath.

“You got this.” she tries to calm herself, but every sense of calmness is thrown out the window once the doorknob turns.

Alex opens the door, meaning to make her way to breakfast after another horrible night with a maximum of 2 hours of sleep. When she spots Kelley sitting in front of her door, she stops dead in her tracks, looking at her stupefied. Kelley freezes in her spot too, looking at Alex overwhelmed. They stay like this for a few seconds, before Alex takes a step back and starts closing the door again. Kelley jumps to her feet, taking a huge leap and gets her foot in the door just before Alex is able to close it. Alex tries pushing the door closed with all her power, but Kelley holds against it relentlessly.

“Go away.” Alex orders bitterly.

“Over my dead body.” Kelley replies determined.

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Alex snaps, leaning against the door.

However, Kelley does so as well, using all her power and bodyweight, knowing that Alex won’t be able to keep the door closed. Within a few seconds Kelley pushes the door open, walks in and locks it behind her quickly. Alex looks at her fumingly and tries reaching around her to get out, but Kelley blocks her way.

“Get out of my way right now!”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Just fuck off already!!” she yells aggravated.

Kelley just shakes her head, making Alex’s blood boil. She turns around on her heel, crossing her arms defensively. Kelley follows her into the room, reaching for her arm to make her turn around, but her hand gets slapped away.

“Don’t touch me!!”

Kelley lets her hand fall, looking at Alex with yearning pain in her eyes.

“Alex…we need to talk.” she says softly.    

“What about?” Alex asks coldly.

“You know what about.” Kelley counters pleadingly.

“I don’t have anything I want to talk to you about.”

“Listen, I can’t take this anymore, we need to talk about what happened between us.” Kelley begs desperately.

“Nothing happened between us.” Alex says blankly.

“HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!?!” Kelley explodes in a deafening scream, making Alex flinch.

However, Alex quickly masks her surprise at Kelley’s outburst with an indifferent expression, blankly looking through Kelley as if she wasn’t even there.

“How can you say nothing happened??!!?” Kelley yells.

“HEY!! LOOK AT ME!!!” she roars, but Alex doesn’t do so.

“Alex, I swear to fucking god, I want you to look at me!”

Alex keeps on looking past her icily, not once making eye contact.  

“See, you can’t even look at me because you know what would have happened.” Kelley says pitying.

This makes Alex look at her immediately.

“Nothing. Would. Have. Happened!” Alex bites through gritted teeth, full of anger, for the first time showing any kind of emotion regarding what happened between them since the fight they had in the lobby.

She walks up to Kelley and comes really close to her face threateningly, her eyes burning with fury. Kelley finally sees a way of cracking Alex’s shell and starts provoking her, getting closer to her face.

“You know what Alex? Here is what would have happened, I would have fucked you all night long.” Kelley bites, looking at Alex provocatively.

“Shut the fuck up!” Alex screams, pushing Kelley back, but Kelley walks right up to her again, getting even closer, gripping her chin, their lips almost touching.

“I would have taken you to my hotel room and I would have fucked you so good that all you would have done is scream my name all night long, forgetting he even ever existed.”

The next thing Kelley feels is the burning sensation of Alex’s flat hand connecting with her cheek, slapping her across the face hard, “FUCK YOU!!!”

What follows is absolute silence. Alex’s eyes go wide when she realizes what she has done.

“I-“ Alex starts.

“Don’t you think it’s sad that even after that I feel better?” Kelley whispers, holding her cheek, looking at Alex hurt.

“Kelley, I’m so so-“

“I feel fucking better because you hit me in the face…” she shakes her head, staring off into space.

“Kel, please I’m so sorry!” Alex cries.

“I feel fucking better because I finally got your attention.”

“Kel.” Alex sobs.

“And apparently it doesn’t even matter anymore how I get it.” Kelley says, finally looking at Alex numbly.

“I’m so so sorry.” Alex cries silently, her mouth forming the words, but her voice never uttering them due to her sobs.

Alex looks away ashamed, the tears dropping down her chin. Then Alex feels a gentle hand on her cheek, intensifying her crying even more.

“Hit me, yell at me, hate me, do whatever, but don’t you dare ignore me for one more second, because I can’t bare that anymore. Please…don’t leave me alone.” Kelley whispers, her voice cracking.

Alex dives into Kelley’s arms, burying her face in her chest, wetting her shirt with her tears. Kelley gently strokes Alex’s hair, reminding Alex of the hug she shared with Servando, however in Kelley’s arms she feels safer than she ever felt in his and it’s terrifying her.

“I can’t do it without you.” Kelley whispers in her hair, the tears rolling down her face as well.

Kelley presses a kiss to Alex’s head, closing her eyes, whispering, “I need you.”

Alex hugs Kelley even tighter, clinging onto her desperately.

“I need you, too.” Alex sobs, causing a sting in Kelley’s chest.

“Why don’t you just hate me?” Alex exclaims in a self-loathing tone, pulling away from the embrace.

Kelley shakes her head, “N-no, I- .” Kelley stutters.

“I hurt you!!” Alex yells pained.

“So did I!” Kelley exclaims.

“Kel…I hit you.” Alex whispers, looking at Kelley sadly, reaching out to touch her cheek tenderly.

Kelley closes her eyes, leaning into the touch.

“This can’t be good.” Alex whispers hurt.

“Don’t say that.” Kelley shakes her head, her eyes still closed.

Alex starts pulling her hand away from Kelley’s cheek, but Kelley stops her, holding it in its place. She lightly turns her head and presses a soft kiss to Alex’s hand. When she opens her eyes, the tears on Alex’s face have intensified.

“It’s okay, you were angry. I provoked you. I’m sorry.” Kelley comforts her.

Alex wipes the tears away frantically, but they just keep wetting her face.

“The thing that made me angry is that you were right.” Alex cries, her voice heart-wrenching.

Kelley observes her silently.

“I…I really wanted this. God…what kind of human am I?” Alex exhales.

Kelley just remains silent.

“If we wouldn’t have been interrupted I-”Alex goes on distressed, stopping mid-sentence, not able to find the right words.

“-and how could I do this to…“

“Servando.” Kelley finishes for her.

Alex looks at Kelley sorrowfully, “Yeah. How could we do this to the both of them?”

“Have you told him?”

“I didn’t.” Alex looks to the ground ashamed, not able to look at Kelley.

Kelley nods her head dejectedly, her heart hurting like it’s been shot. She then shakes her head self-mockingly, a loathing laugh escaping her lips. Alex catches a glimpse of the look on Kelley’s face when she looks up again.

“What’s that look supposed to mean?” Alex frowns.

“Nothing.” Kelley breathes.

“Tell me!” Alex insists.

“No.”

“Kelley, are you fucking serious right now?” Alex starts getting aggravated again.

Her voice is getting louder, “Why are you looking at me like that?? Do you really think-”

“You’re still with him, right?” Kelley interrupts her, making Alex look at her perplexed.

“What do you mean ‘am I still with him’?? He’s my-”

“Husband. Yeah, I know! I fucking know!” Kelley exclaims angrily, a single tear rolling down her face.

Alex looks at Kelley dumbfounded.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!?” Alex exclaims confused.

“I care about you!!” Kelley yells.

“So do I!!! Are you telling me that I don’t care about you enough, that I should leave him?!”

Kelley stays silent.

“You’re in a relationship as well, Kelley!! You’re engaged. Do you think it’s easy for me to see the two of you together?! Because it isn’t, it fucking isn’t!!” Alex yells irritated.

“I’m-“ Kelley stares at Alex helplessly, knowing what she was about to say might destroy everything, so she keeps her mouth shut.

“You’re what Kelley?!”

Kelley bites her lip nervously.

“What are you not telling me?! I can’t take this any-”

“I broke up with her.” Kelley bursts out, ultimately no longer able to keep this from Alex. The words are loudly echoing through the room as everything goes completely silent. In that moment, the world seems to stop turning. Alex looks at Kelley speechlessly, the words she was about to utter dying on her lips.

“Alex, I-” Kelley’s voice goes hoarse and she has to take a deep breath to get it back to normal.

“I’m in love with you.” Kelley says, gulping heavily, her hands shaking.

“I’m not telling you that you don’t care about me enough, I’m telling you that I care about you too much.”

Alex is not moving one inch, it’s almost as if she’s stopped breathing.

“And I know this is wrong. I know I can’t be mad at you or him for being with each other. For Christ’s sake, he is your husband, but I am desperately in love with you and I think I’ve been for a while now.”

Alex opens her mouth, but Kelley interrupts her before she can even say anything.

“Don’t.” Kelley holds her hand up to stop her.

“I don’t want you to say anything you don’t mean and first and foremost I don’t want to ruin your life. It’s just that I can’t hide this anymore. I can’t pretend that I’m not feeling this. It’s just too much Alex.” Kelley stresses exhaustedly, her voice straining to get the heaviness and the meaning across.

Kelley pulls at the collar of her shirt, feeling as if the air is sucked from her lungs with every word she utters.    

“Kel.” Alex calls out softly, reaching for Kelley’s hand to keep her from ripping her shirt.

“I guess I just always thought that one day everything would fall in place. I always thought: one day if life is cruel and merciless to her, I’ll be there, I’ll be waiting for her. But this is so wrong Alex. How can I think like that? How can I walk through life, waiting for us to happen? How can I wait for one day?” Kelley cries.

She wipes away her tears, taking a deep breath.

“Still I can’t stop. Alex, I know I’d wait a lifetime for you. Even if it means that we are going to be 99 when it happens.” Kelley shrugs with a self-pitying laugh that breaks Alex’s heart, Kelley’s words bringing her to tears.  

“I shouldn’t be telling you all of this and I know I am messing up our friendship right now, but I just want you to know that there is no one in the world that loves you as much as I love you. This doesn’t mean that I want you to reciprocate my feelings. I know I can’t give you what he gives you and I’d be destroying everything you ever had. You’re happy with him. Happier than I could ever make you. I can’t mess that up. The only thing I need is for you to talk to me again. Just as friends. I need my friend, Alex. I need you. Can you promise me that?”

Alex nods with tears in her eyes. Kelley takes a step towards Alex, making her look at her questioningly. Kelley then leans forward and presses a light kiss to her cheek before staring into Alex’s eyes.

“One day, Alex.” Kelley whispers, her voice shaky.

She then turns around and quickly leaves the room.

The door closes and Kelley rushes down the hallway with tears streaming down her face, her heart set on fire. She knew it would hurt, she knew it was only a matter of time, but making her way to her room, Kelley only now realizes what saying it out loud really entails. She thought telling Alex the truth was going to be deliverance, taking away all the pain she was feeling and putting an end to her suffering, but instead it’s now robbing her of all her freedom. It feels as if somebody put shackles on her feet, pulling at them to keep her from standing up. With every step she takes down the hallway, she knows she is running to find a cure for a poison that has already spread through her whole body, every antidote in vein. This is going to fuck her up badly. It doesn’t help that in her room her packed bags are waiting for her to leave. Her decision one that will change her whole life. However, what makes her hurt even more is that she chose this and now she is paying the prize for exposing what she’s been feeling, ruining their friendship. What happens next is something Kelley didn’t expect one bit. She hears Alex’s hotel door open again.

“Kelley, wait!” Alex cries, jogging down the hallway.

Kelley freezes mid-step, her heart pounding out of her chest while Alex jogs up to her. Alex takes her face into her hands, looking her in the eyes deeply and then leans in to kiss her passionately. Kelley is pretty surprised that Alex came after her, which is why she’s even more caught off guard by the kiss, her back hitting the wall due to the force Alex puts into it. Kelley is furrowing her brows at the intensity of the kiss and all the passion that is put into it. There is no space between them, as the long kiss is taking away all the air to breathe. When they part lips, it’s only because of the lack of oxygen, keeping their foreheads leaned against each other. This is how they remain for quite a while, breathlessly, their eyes closed, holding on to each other.

“Alex…” Kelley breathes, hesitantly.

Alex presses her lips to Kelley’s again. Furrowing her eyebrows in pain and Kelley defenselessly surrenders. After a while Kelley pulls away, looking at Alex questioningly. Alex’s hands still hold Kelley’s face and she strokes her thumb across Kelley’s cheek, eying her closely with a contemplative look.

“I don’t understand.” Kelley whispers lost.

“Kelley O’Hara, I am in love with you too.” Alex whispers in awe.

Kelley looks back at her stunned, her forehead in creases.

“But- I- are you sure?” Kelley asks overwhelmed.

“Sometimes ‘one day’ might mean right now.” Alex whispers, looking into Kelley’s eyes deeply with a soft smile on her face. Kelley gazes at Alex captivated and a smile is born on her face too. She leans forward and kisses her fondly.

[snarkandsarcasmftw]

hangman adam page, jake hager, and drew mcintyre!

FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU.. SECOND OF ALL I LOVE YOU FOR THIS DOE. AND THIRD, THIS GOT... WORDY AF... OOPS? I LOVED DOING THIS. I MIGHT START TAKING THESE ALL THE TIME TOO, FOR ANY FANDOM, TBH...

Tagging: @heelsamizayn @rampagewriting @andie01 @missjenniferb @calwitch @vonschweetz @xwicker-manx @kittysilver86 @writtingrose @glowrioustrash @wwe-fanfiction-queen @dirrrtydeeds @robwiethoff @adamcolesteeth - if you wanna add yourself to my tag list  

more fanfiction trope fmk | faq

Fake Dating:

Adam Hangman Page.

“You’re not dating anyone. Look, just do yourself a favor and give me a chance.” MJF stared down at Scarlet intently. Scarlet’s mouth opened and closed and she gave the softest of giggles as she shook her head, looking up to meet his intent gaze.

Guys like him were literally a dime a dozen. Scarlet didn’t want or need the hassle he’d bring to the table. Sure, she thought to herself, he was hot, but at the end of the day, he was merely that. Nothing more than a pretty face. Nothing more than literal arm candy. And she had no doubt in her mind that she’d pretty much be the same for him. Just another notch in the man’s bedpost.

If she were gonna be a notch in someone’s bedpost, she’d much rather have fun while doing it. 

“C’mon, I see you.  You’re thinking about it right now. We could be the next it couple on the roster. Forget Brandi and Cody. It could be you and me, princess.”

Scarlet placed the palm of her hand against his chest and shook her head. “I’m just gonna stop you right there before you keep going and this gets all sorts of awkward. Or your giant sized ego gets any fucking bigger and nobody can enter or leave the arena. I actually do have a man already. Not a boy, a man.”

“You’re mistaken on that. They don’t get much manlier than me, princess.”

Scarlet had been trying to hold back the fit of giggles and hysterical laughter but when MJF said that, she couldn’t any longer. She almost doubled over, laughing so hard she shook.

MJF pouted and cleared his throat. “I’m making the offer of a lifetime here.”

“Oh my god, no! Stop, MJF. Just… do yourself a favor and stop, please. Before the bullshit gets any deeper. I’m not wearin any boots to protect my feet.” Scarlet’s laughter died and her eyes darted around a little. Janela was out, MJF would never believe her if she said that they were a thing.

Mox was… Nope.

Darby Allin was considered, but only briefly.

Her eyes settled on Kenny briefly. Kenny was out too. Somehow, even pretending, Scarlet wasn’t prepared to settle for anything less than what she knew she wanted. She took a few deep breaths, trying again to pick her chosen target out of the crowd milling around in back.

MJF watched Scarlet’s desperate glance around the hallway and he smirked. “I knew it. You’re not seeing anyone! Offer still stands, princess.. But it’s a limited time offer.”

Scarlet continued to scour the hallway for the perfect boyfriend. Oh, she knew who she wanted, beyond a doubt, she just wasn’t seeing him at the moment. She pouted about it, tapping her foot impatiently.

“ I repeat.. They don’t get manlier than me.”

“Shut your mouth, MJF, I know for a fact you take two hours to get ready. I can’t date someone who ties up the bathroom all the damn time.” Scarlet didn’t even bother sparing him a glance as her eyes continued to roam the area.

Hangman had to be here.. Somewhere. 

“I do not!” MJF answered quickly, stepping closer as some of the crew came by with large trunks and the like, preparing to set up for the show. Scarlet stepped back quickly and when she had, she spotted him walking into the arena.

The perfect fake boyfriend… She’d be hard pressed to deny that he’d be the perfect real boyfriend, but Scarlet she wasn’t nearly that brave. 

She stared at Adam Page intently as he walked towards them, that bow legged gait making her swallow down the lump as it formed in her throat. He stopped to grab a bottled water and MJF cleared his throat again.

“There’s no way.. Hangman would’ve been rubbing it in my face by now. C’mon, just go on one date with me..” MJF blinked in surprise as Scarlet took off at a run towards Adam.

“This should be interesting.. I’ll give her an A, she’s committed to the act.” MJF mumbled to himself as he watched it all unfold.

Adam felt a tap to his shoulder. Before he got time to process, he was being climbed quite literally. His back met the front of the vending machine and he blinked in surprise as Scarlet took his face in her hands and said as loud as possible, “There you are, cowboy. God have I missed you so so so much.” while wrapping her legs around his hips and muttering in a quieter tone, “Just… don’t be weird, please?” as she crashed her lips against his. Adam nipped at her lower lip and mumbled back, “Long as I’ve thought about kissin you, I’m just gonna go with this.” deepening the kiss as he gave her ass a good squeeze and chuckled, speaking up louder, “Darlin, ya act like you haven’t seen me in a whole day.”

“I just really, really missed you.” Scarlet’s fingers tugged at the ponytail his hair was in and once she had it down, she tangled them in his hair, tugging, using her grip on his hair to deepen the kiss even more. By this point, they were both almost light headed and MJF was slow clapping as he stood there.

“Nice try, Scarlet, but there’s no way you two are a thing.” MJF stated, glancing from one to the other before adding, “But I’ll give you an A for trying. You almost had me fooled when you started biting each other’s lips. Scarlet, this guy is… You know he’s not gonna be able to give you the pull back here I will. Not to mention, we’d be so much hotter together… Do yourself a favor.”

The kiss broke and Adam eyed MJF, snorting in laughter. “Did you not just see that?” before turning his attention to Scarlet, an amused smirk playing at his mouth as she climbed out of his arms. MJF wandered over and Adam stood taller, staring down at the man, arms around Scarlet, who wound up between them. 

“How about you do yourself a favor and walk away now, MJF.. You know, before I get moody again and beat your ass? You’re going to stay away from my girl.” 

“I tried.” MJF shrugged and turned, making a hasty retreat and then Adam fixed his eyes on the brunette standing in front of him, fidgeting nervously as she looked up at him. He chuckled and smirked. “You owe me one, darlin… How about dinner? Tonight, after the show.”

“If this is your way of asking me on a date, cowboy, I accept.”

“This is just dinner, darlin. You’ll know it when it’s an actual date.” Adam stepped closer, a hand lingering at her hip, a teasing grin on his face. She pouted and he chuckled. “So you do have a thing for me..”

“Maybe just a little…” Scarlet gave a teasing grin as she held up her fingers like she was measuring. It was his turn to pout and he stepped even closer, shaking his head. “It’s a shame you said maybe just a little.”

“Oh?”

“Because I definitely have a thing for you, darlin…. And it’s not little, either.”

“Well in that case,” Scarlet stepped up, closing the distance between their bodies completely as she giggled and rose to tiptoe, using the front of his black tee shirt to pull his mouth back down to hers before muttering, “Maybe I underestimated my thing for you.”

“Awww, she likes me.” Adam chuckled as their lips met again and his hands gripped her hips, pulling her up ever so slightly.

Slow Burn:

Jake Hager.

“All I’m saying is the way you two look at each other is enough to melt titanium. If you ever get locked in a room with Jake, you’re as good as fucked. Or he is. Either way.. If one of you doesn’t make a move soon… Girl.. We’re all gonna combust.”  Allie mused aloud.

Mya shook her head, looking around quickly, just to make sure no one heard what was being said. She hurried to shut the door to hair and makeup and in her hurry, she may not have shut it completely.  She whirled to face her friend and held a finger to her lips. “You can’t say that, if he found out I…”

“Go on.” Allie tapped her foot, flashing a mischief filled grin at her friend before flopping down into the directors chair sitting in front of Mya’s workstation. “Nobody is going to hear you. And I’m not going to say a word. It’ll be our little secret, just like it always has been.”

“Okay, alright, fine. I’m in love with my best friend but every single time I come close to even attempting a move… I… How would I even do that?”

“Well, you could just waltz right up to him and push him against a wall or into a chair and kiss the hell out of him.” Allie giggled as she said it. She happened to glance at the door just in time to see a flash of platinum blond. Jake tended to linger where Mya was concerned, it was something that pretty much everyone in back noticed at one time or another.

Along with all the little touches, the way they seemed like they could hold an entire conversation without so much as one word passed. They were always together, huddled close. Hell, Mya was probably the only person who’d brought out a smile on the muscular surly Oklahoma native.

The story behind Mya and Jake was that the two had gone to college together and lost touch. But in college, they’d been best friends. The closest of best friends, at that, if Mya’s stories were anything to go by. Either way, they both wound up at AEW and it seemed like things were right back to the way they’d been before.

But Allie knew it was driving her best friend insane, because Mya wanted so much more than Jake’s friendship.

Allie found herself hoping that maybe Mya’s slip up of not closing the door to the room entirely would be a good thing.. That maybe Jake had been the one to hear her say what she’d admitted to.

Mya sighed and shook her head. “I’m probably like a kid sister to him. I just need to do what Britt said and go on the date with Joey. Because if I ever dared bringing up the way I felt with Jake…”

Allie sighed and grumbled. “You’re too pessimistic. How do you know it’d be this disaster you have it built up in your head to be?”

“Because I know, okay? I’m… Trust me, I’ve seen the women he normally dates. I’m not even remotely close to his type.” Mya’s tone was just a shade bitter and she dropped her voice to add, “ I mean… I’m me. Plain old me. Not flashy or giggly or anything like that.” she shook her head at it and turned away, turning her attention back to digging through her makeup kit for the new eyeshadow palette she’d picked up to try out at Nyla Rose’s suggestion.

Outside the door, Jake stood, leaning against the wall as his mind seemed to take off in a million different directions at once. It felt like the air got knocked right out of him and right now, he was going back over every single moment between the two of them in his head… Including all the guys she’d ever dated and the way he’d always liked to silently intimidate them.

“Oh hell…. Oh hell.”  he muttered to himself in shock as soon as it occurred to him exactly why he enjoyed intimidating the guys she’d dated over their time as best friends. Somewhere along the course, he’d fallen for her and he’d fallen hard.

And lately, it was hard to be around her because there had been this unexplainable tension there. Before now, he’d thought it was something else entirely. Maybe her being into Janela, for starters.

“Hager, there you are… Everything okay, man?” Sammy spoke up from beside him. Jake shrugged and turned to walk away. He needed to think. He had to do something. And he had to do it before she took Britt’s advice and agreed to go on the date with Joey Janela if he asked again.

It came to him, the perfect plan. He rubbed his chin and smirked, nodding to himself as he took a few deep breaths. One of them had to do something and now that he was aware of this, there was no way in hell he intended to just sit on it.

After the show, Mya stood in the hallway, eyes darting around for Jake. She’d been just about to walk out of the arena, but arms circled her hips, pulling her into a darkened room. Jake reached up, pulling the string on the bare bulb hanging overhead, shedding light on the two of them. After he’d done that, he reached out and clicked the lock on the doorknob.

“Jake? What on Earth?” Mya tilted her head slightly to look up at him, a confused look in her eyes. Her heart was racing, it felt like it’d beat right out of her chest at any second.

Jake leaned down, pressing the side of his finger against soft red lips. The closer his lips got to her lips, the faster her heart raced and Mya swallowed hard, staring up at him intently, wondering what he was up to right now.

“Darlin… I…” he went quiet again, crashing his mouth against her mouth hungrily, his teeth snagging and tugging at her lower lip as his hands roamed all over. Mya started out with her hand flat against his chest, but she wound up tugging at the front of the dark blue polo he was wearing, pressing herself completely against him as she breathed into the kiss heavily, “Oh.. Oh.” when it hit her what he was trying to show her without saying. What he didn’t seem to have any words for was perfectly expressed in the kiss he was giving her. Her knees felt so weak she almost couldn’t stand.

The kiss broke and they stood there beneath the gently swaying bare bulb, trying to catch their breath, staring up at one another. After a few seconds, Jake finally spoke up. “I love you. Just…. Didn’t realize it til now. Just hope this ain’t too late, I know you might be interested in Janela’s ass… But I had to do somethin.”

Mya’s hand raised to her mouth and she stopped the giggles that hit, shaking her head no, stepping closer to him, slipping her arms around his neck. “ Joey? Are you…. No. No, no and no.. I love you too, Jake. I was never going to say yes to Joey because like… He’s obviously not my type.”

Jake chuckled quietly, letting out a breath he didn’t know he held. “So you have a type, hmm?”

“Yeah, he’s tall and blond and most people don’t realize it, but he’s actually a sweetheart and not nearly as threatening or badass as he makes himself out to be… And I’m looking right at him, Hager.”

Jake chuckled, eyes darting around the room before pointing to himself and stepping closer, pulling her up his body. “Wanna get outta here, darlin?”

“God yes, my feet are killlling me.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll carry ya.”

“Oh so now that we’ve admitted to everything, the piggy back rides are suddenly just gonna stop? I’m hurt.” Mya teased playfully. Jake snickered and let her climb onto his back and started to walk out of the arena, towards the SUV they’d been sharing.

“Lucky I love ya. I don’t do that for just anybody, darlin.” Jake muttered as he stood her on her own feet and opened the door to let her in. Mya climbed into the passenger seat, pulling him in, stealing another kiss. “You better not, because now that I have you all to myself.. I’m not plannin on lettin go.”

“Good to know.” Jake mumbled as he deepened the kiss, finally pulling away to go around and get in on the driver side.

Enemies To Lovers:

Drew McIntyre.

“Jerk.”

“Princess.”

The two stared at one another intently, anger burning in their eyes and flushing their faces. Drew smirked down at Viv and chuckled. “Yer only mad because ah told ye th’ truth.”

“No, I’m angry because you’re an egotistical asshole.” Viv ground out through a jaw tightly clenched as she put a hand on her hip and took a long and deep breath. It didn’t work.

“This gimmick is never gonna work. I’m gonna go talk to the higher ups. I’m not some glorified play toy.”

“Funny, cos ‘at’s how ye were actin out at da ring, crossin and uncrossin yer legs and bein all distractin as fook.” Drew called out after her, taking a few deep breaths himself. He’d told management time and time again, he didn’t want any romantic angles. He was on the roster to fight. He didn’t need an alterior motive. Nor did he need a sexy little vixen valet mucking around at ringside, always underfoot and being loud as hell and giggly.

Deeper down, the man knew it was so much more infinitely complicated than that. It wasn’t Viv and her everything that bothered him, per se.. It was the fact that Viv was a flirt.

And that Viv had no filter or fear.

And this often resulted in Viv, getting in over her head into all sorts of assorted shit.  Shit that Drew, whether he wanted to admit it or not, he felt like she shouldn’t be in in the first place and shit that more often than not, he wound up sticking himself in the middle of.

And then there were the things she did during the match to distract his opponents. He knew it was scripted and that it was required for their whole valet / wrestler gimmick but damn it, that didn’t mean he had to like it. Or that it didn’t send a healthy rush of jealousy rushing through him or make him want to dismantle the nearest victim as a result.

If she didn’t look like she enjoyed it so much… the thought came and he shoved it out. The second he started admitting he felt a certain way, the second this became more than a gimmick. The second he was exposed to dealing with the emotional turmoil the 5’2 vixen placed him in constantly and the second he might be a little too tempted to do something about it.

And that.. Was eating away at him more than he personally cared to admit.

Down the hall, Viv was fuming, pacing the hallway as she vented on the phone to her best friend. After peeking out to make sure no one could hear, she sighed and turned her attention back to the conversation. 

“I’m telling you, the man hates me. I don’t know what the hell possessed the old crazy fuck who owns this company to put me in a gimmick with Drew when I approached and asked if I could shadow him… For obvious reason, but I really think I’m in over my head here. The man hates everything about me and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.” Viv sank down, sitting on the floor with her back to the wall as she gave a hollow laugh. “And the crap they have me doing. He doesn’t need any of that. He’s amazing on his own. And not to mention I feel like a tramp every single time I have to flit around out there, half naked and giggly and shit. That’s… It’s not me.”

Her sister took a few deep breaths and after a few seconds of more ranting on Viv’s end, her sister spoke up. “Have you thought about trying to get to know him outside of work? Maybe build trust?”

“The man won’t even talk to me when we’re on the road between towns. He stares straight ahead at the road and keeps the radio on loud enough to discourage any kind of personal conversation. I knew when he looked angry after creative approached him I should’ve just said I changed my mind… It’s just… There’s something magnetic about the guy, okay? I feel safer around him than any of these other chucklefucks back here. I felt like I could trust him not to be a total entitled prick like the guy I valeted on ROH.”

“The one who kept trying shit?”

“Mhm.”

“Thank god you got out of that one.”

“I know, right? Only now, I’m in this and… I… It’s hard to keep pretending I hate Drew when we both know I don’t? I love him, okay? There’s just… Always been something about him and now, working with him, I’m always on edge and it’s making me miserable. Not to mention how angry he seems to be at me all the time… He knows this shit is scripted, yet he assumes I enjoy playing this whole “distracting temptress” bit when I truly don’t...” Viv trailed off mid sentence to think and as she did she  toyed with her hair and used the reflection given by the glass door propped open nearby to take a finger and work her lipstick back into place before continuing, “I’m just gonna talk to Levesque. I have to get out of this somehow. I’m driving the poor guy insane and it’s like every second we have to spend together doing press and promos and traveling…”

“Wild concept here, baby sister.. Maybe he pretends to hate you? Maybe he feels the same way?”

Viv laughed hysterically for a few seconds. She caught sight of someone just around the corner and she swallowed hard, getting a knot in the pit of her stomach because she just… She knew somehow Drew would be standing there.

“I’ll call ya back, Tasha.”

“Think about what I said. Some guys, particularly the ones like him.. They tend to be layered. Like onions.”

Viv hung up and took a few deep breaths, wiping at her eyes and surveying herself in the door’s reflection to make sure it wasn’t too obvious she’d been crying yet again.

And just around the corner, Drew McIntyre stood there, trying to process everything he’d just overheard.. She wandered out a few seconds into it and he didn’t think, he reached out, grabbing her by the hips, pulling her into the area backstage she’d obviously been hiding out in to have a cry and vent to family.

Viv gulped as she tried to meet his gaze but ended up dropping her eyes to the stilettos she’d worn for the night. “Look.. Just.. Say whatever you came to say and go. I’m gonna get in touch with the higher ups and I hopefully won’t be a problem anymore by the next episode.”

Drew chuckled, tilting her chin up. He saw the redness in her eyes and instantly felt like a complete asshole. Just the thought of her crying bothered him, in the current moment it bothered him so very much more than it usually did.

“Ah’m sorry.”

Viv blinked, mouth opening and closing in surprise. Drew’s gaze dropped this time and he stared at the tiles on the floor for what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a good eight seconds.

Enough time for Viv to sort of pick up on the shift between them. Things were still laced with heavy tension but now it wasn’t… Angry or explosive. Okay, so maybe it was still explosive, she found herself thinking, but not like they were on the verge of more shouting and insults. 

Drew stepped a little closer, hands lingering at her hips. “Did ye mean everything y’ said just now?”

Viv took a few shaky breaths. “How much did you hear I… I’m sorry, I just needed to get it out and my sister, she… She usually calms me down.”

“Et’s okay.. But y’ didn’t answer th’ question, Vivienne.” the use of her full first name and the tone in which he said it had her looking up at him, swallowing hard when she saw the look in his eyes. The grip he had on her hip tightened ever so slightly as if he were letting her know he expected an answer soon. 

“Ah ‘eard et all.”

Viv swore to herself under her breath and she took a few seconds to try pulling it together. 

“Yes, okay? I meant it. All of it. Can I just like… Can I go now, please? I kind of just want to crawl into a hole and die right now.”

Drew moved so that he filled the exit and shook his head no, teasing gleam in his eyes as he licked his lips. “Th’ reason ah’m always so bloody wound up, for yer information, is y’. Because et drives me fookin insane, th’ shit they ‘ave y’ doin.. More to th’ point, drives me fookin insane because until now, ah thought y’ enjoyed it.”

“Yeah? Well I don’t, obviously. If I’d known that taking this gimmick when it was offered was going to have me acting a glorified bimbo… I mean, I don’t even think the enticement of working with you, given my feelings.. I most likely would have shredded my contract and walked the fuck out. Went back to the small time stuff.”

Drew nodded, still in the midst of processing it all, still a little more than shocked that they felt the same way, to be honest. But he wasn’t so shocked by it all that he didn’t decide to take action.

He stepped closer, pulling her against him completely as he stared down at her mouth, fixated. “Fuck et.” he muttered, pulling her up his body and crashing his mouth against hers hungrily, nipping at her lips, his hands all over her.

Viv whimpered into the kiss, deepening it, tugging at his scalp, raking her fingers through his hair..

“We went about this all wrong.”

“Ah agree. Want t’ start over?”

“I’d love that, actually.”

[goldenclasp]

title impending ;3

for the 2019 @zutaraexchange!

my Giftee is @artmages-rebirth

and the prompts I ended up using are Sports AU and Oblivious Pining

also, I inferred that my Giftee wanted a happy relationship! (no violence related angst or jealousy drama) so here is the fic I wrote- a cheerful (?? tried my best 😅) sports au with lots of Zuko madly in-like!

Summary: During a soccer scrimmage with their college’s team, Zuko finds himself literally struck by love (a strong kick of the ball by Katara)! Pining Zuko and sporty Katara play with like in this good-feels fic <3

Aprox. 2400 words

***

Crouching in the goal, feet spread wide and body tense, Zuko kept his eyes glued to the ball’s progression down the field. The players out there were giving it their all today! Defense on his side could be doing better but it wasn’t every day Katara played with them, and she was generally on their team. Toph and Katara were formidable opponents but when they joined forces? Oh, boy, all other teams had better watch out!

With an unparalleled energy Katara barreled toward him, the way a lioness might chase down her supper. Eyes locked on to the finish line and feet dribbling the ball in a tight guard, she neared. Sokka was there too. He was trying to get the ball away, but she wasn’t having it. He kept jumping into her space and sticking his feet where she’d trip on them but like a true sibling Katara was keeping out of his reach. Not letting him topple her. As she ran, she ducked by her brother, chest heaving and face shining with sweat.

On the other end of the field, Zuko bounced in place: watching, guarding. He would not be distracted. He would not be distracted! He wouldn't notice… the way her smooth, shapely legs pumped as she ran or how her long, curly hair swayed with her moving body- Straightening, he tried to wipe the dumb smile off his face. And the sweat; it was insufferably hot out.

Be respectful, mind on the game.

He shook his head and tried to focus. In front of him was an exciting game, it was! More than enough to keep his attention, but stupid thoughts were stupid. And although he should really be watching for- Katara passed the ball to Toph on the left, but kept herself between it and Sokka, jogged along next to the players struggling for it. She was getting closer. And- he couldn’t keep his eyes off her!

Zuko, buddy, focus. Focus. Don’t watch her. Don’t watch her!

Katara had the ball again and now he had an excuse. She was dribbling, kicking, swaying, panting from the exertion and her approach was unreal. He zeroed in on her face again. Taking his time admiring her. Like the way her eyes scrunched up when she was concentrating hard or how she moved so gracefully, so fluidly. Even now: her body tensed, but she cocked her knee back in a smooth, practiced motion, twisting so that her feet had the best angle. Katara swept her foot forward, striking the ball. It flew through the air- WHAM.

Something hard and round connected with the side of his face and Zuko dropped like a sack of mud.

Someone was shaking his shoulder. Someone was pinching his face. Someone was calling his name. Several voices actually. And man... his head was throbbing like crazy, blood pulsing through his skull in a frantic rhythm.

“Is he okay!”

“Are you okay??”

“Stop yelling, please!”

“Is he dead?”

“No, you idiot. He’s not dead!”

“Call me an idiot again you idiot and I’ll knock your teeth out!”

“Everyone, shush!”

“Is he okay???”

The people were whispering again. Or were they shouting? He couldn’t tell. And his head hurt! The shoulder shaking intensified. Suddenly, ice cold water splashed into his face and he jerked up off of the moist grass. Katara was there, holding his shoulder and looking panicky.

Squinting, mouth open, he blinked up at her. Even the shock of the water hadn’t shocked sense into his scrambled brain.

“What?” Zuko’s voice was a mumble in his own ears.

“Are you alive?”

Blurrily, he recognized a few shapes, Sokka and Toph of course, but even little Aang who wasn’t old enough to join games was there.

Katara stooped down to cradle his face in her hands. Gently, very gently, she felt around his face, fingers feeling for… damage? Her warm hands pressed against his temples and she leaned in very close to examine his eyes.

Her large beautiful blue eyes stared at him, so close that he could count her lashes. And they were glorious lashes, long and dark and full. Lashes fluttering with every blink. And each blink felt an eternity, each second a millennia, heartbeats stretching out. His pulse once again thrummed deafeningly in his ears. Even her hair was glorious, a large section tumbled down from a hasty ponytail, a thick curl swayed against her perfect round cheek.

Katara leaned in even closer, so close that her lips were inches from his eyes.

Zuko fainted.

He came to on a flat, hard... bed? It must have been one because it was not a chair, but was it a bed? No. As he became more aware of his surroundings he realized that it was a table.

“...?” groggily, Zuko sat up wincing at his stiff back. A groan tried to crawl its way from his throat, but it didn’t get that far.

He jumped as Toph’s gruff voice sounded from the left, “Are you alive sparky?”

“Toph! What- where am I-” The room was empty except for her. His face flushed. “Where is-”

“Katara? Not here. She left when I said I'd stick around till you woke up.”

A tiny twinge pinched at his pride but a thought replaced that faster than he could process the surfacing embarrassment. Sitting up straighter, he couldn't contain his question, “She was going to stay?”

Toph rolled her eyes and blew some bangs off her nose. “Yeah. She was going to stay.”

In a flash he was standing. “And you let her leave!”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Why not, what should I have done?”

He didn't have an answer, “I don't know, but anything else.”

Toph pushed off the wall and crossed her arms. “You seem well enough to yell at me so… bye.” Without any ceremony whatsoever, she was out the door, didn't even look back.

Zuko stood still for awhile staring at that traitorous door. He didn't know what to do anymore and now that any distractions were out of the way, his mind drifted to thoughts of Katara. In his head she looked like an angel or something: her face was tilted down at him light hitting it just right, hair falling into her eyes. Zuko squeezed his own eyes shut and tried to shake the image. But trying not to think about her was useless. Sitting back down on the table, he rubbed his eyes and sighed. It was totally useless.

But was that? Yup, there the embarrassment was.

It crept up his spine and settled softly between his shoulder blades, tickling the back of his neck so that his skin started to burn as though there were actually something there. “I’m such an idiot…” One of his hands slid up to hold his face. Bad move. Where the ball had connected with the side of his face had swollen and was tender, just brushing the bruise hurt!

His blush darkened, he was an idiot. Even as he sat here on a random table in the sports equipment closet he could be out there looking for Katara. Only, he didn’t have a reason to be looking for her, so this was as good a place as any to be. His body sagged with a sigh, “I’m such an idiot.”

“Zuko?”

Startled, he tried to stand but tripped on the space between his feet and the floor. Katara’s beautiful face, haloed by her fluffy mane of hair, poked around the door frame. She looked equal parts concerned and amused but averted her gaze to hide it. Picking himself up off the floor where he had fallen, Zuko scrambled to look casual. “Hi.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Hi.”

Even his neck was burning. “Welcome…” gesturing vaguely around the room, “to my humble home.” he finished lamely. Katara let out a surprised laugh, and though it was just as disconcerting as a projectile ball it was not unpleasant.

Zuko looked at her directly, “Toph said you left. I thought you went home.”

“Oh? I really couldn't do that. There’s no way I could just after-” She stepped into the room fully, “I actually went to get an ice pack. And… You’ll never guess this one, but I also got us fries. You don’t mind? You're not on a diet? You don’t hate potatoes or anything? Sokka claims to be allergic to literally anything if he doesn’t want to eat it-” She was rambling. Maybe it was nerves.

Interrupting with a wave of his hand, “No! No, that's so nice of you!”

She smiled in a friendly way, yet as her eyes focused on him, her hand began inching up to touch his face. She stopped. “Are you really okay? That looks terrible.”

“Oh this?” Not meaning to touch the lumpy bruise, he sucked in a breath. “Yes, yeah.”

“I really have to offer you this now!” She shoved the paper bag into his hands.

“Oh, no you really shouldn’t.”

“Oh, yes I really should.”

Widening his eyes, willing her to cave, he pushed the bag back at her. Katara’s glare was enough to make his knees go weak.

They ended up sitting on the curb next to his car.

As he pressed the sweating blue ice pack to his cheek, drops of condensation dripped down his chin but he was oblivious to it.

“I’m really sorry about your face.”

He was tired of saying this, “It's fine. I’m fine.”

She didn't answer, just rummaged around in the paper bag he held, extracting a fry and munching on it daintily.

“Do you want more of this?”

She looked sheepish. “Yes.” And accepted the bag from him.

Even after accepting the fries from him, she didn’t really seem to want them, she was just sort of picking them out one by one. Nibbling absentmindedly. He watched her though and his neck warmed as he watched, this wasn't the most noble thing he’d done in his whole life, but… as long as she didn’t notice, he wasn’t going to stop. “Do you like it here?”

Scrunching her eyebrows at him, “Here as in right here where we’re sitting or…” 

“Here as in this school.”

“Sure.”

Carefully he tucked his arms under his knees, letting the ice pack rest on the pavement, waiting for her to say more.

“Tuition is fine and the professors are fine. Classes don’t mess with my schedule either.”

“Is that all?”

“Sure.”

“But the soccer is better than fine?”

“Oh definitely!” She nodded, “The social aspects are the best-and the athletic stuff, like a soccer field and an outdoor court on campus? That’s amazing!”

He looked away, trying not to smile, “But the classes and all that school stuff is just fine.”

“Yes.”

“That’s fair.”

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence for a long time after that. As she continued to pick at the fries she became less shy, eating several at a time. She must not have had anything to add, but he had lots of questions he wanted to ask. In the very front of his mind a single question swam in circles. He really wanted to ask, and he realized he was speaking. “If the field and everything are so great how come you never practice with us? Or play in actual games?”

“Busy.”

His ears felt warm, “You should come around more often. I- we… can always use you on our team. And if you don’t show up, Toph crushes us- every time!”

She glanced at his face, checking for an ulterior-motive or something. But the corners of her mouth started to slide up, “She just rocks, she can’t help it.”

“Even if she’s a terrible sport.”

Katara laughed again, and Zuko realized that he needed to hear that sound more often.

“You know what? Right now, right this very instant we should call up Sokka and have a rematch. You have to know that taking out the goalie with the ball has to be an illegal move, right?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”

He made a face, “Sure.”

“Alright then! You’re on, but Toph stays on my side- and Aang gets to play this time!”

“Sure.”

“Deal?”

“Deal.”

“But…” She slipped her phone from a pocket and looked from the time to the darkening sky. “But not today. Next Tuesday?”

“I- Yeah, that’s sounds good.” He swallowed.

She stood up and stretched. “Need a hand?”

Leaning down, hand extended, the setting sun glowed in her hair that soft halo framing her pretty face. All the breath in his lungs was missing, gone, and he swallowed again but his throat was just so dry. “Yeah.”

She hauled him to his feet and he brushed the crumbs and salt and grass from his lap. “I can’t wait you know?”

“And next time I won't, you know… hurt you again.”

He nodded, but he wasn't listening, just looking at her. In his stomach a knot twisted and everything he felt for her danced a frantic contemporary dance in his gut, the kind with all the writhing. She in turn was looking up at his face. A strange light lit her eyes, and she reached to touch his cheek. He didn't stop her, not even flinch. And this time her cool fingers came to rest on his cheek. She was so close. So close that he could feel the heat from her skin.

His heart beat fast in his chest, thumping in his ears. Gently, her fingers stroked his chin. Her touch lingered. And as he stood frozen his skin burned hot, this heat was completely different from when he burned with embarrassment.

But then she stepped back, all the swirl of emotions popped like a soap bubble and suddenly the air was just warm and smelled of grass and lawnmower gas. Even if she was no longer touching him, she was still right there, still so close. And the feel of her fingers lingered. As the evening fell, the sweat on his skin was cooling and the air had a soft smell.

“That game’s still on, right?”

She nodded, and took a deep breath.

“Walk you to your car?”

She nodded again.

“Alright then.”

They set off across the athletic facilities parking lot, gravel crunching under feet. Not yet, they weren’t there yet, but he had all semester to be with her. This thought soothed his beating heart as they walked to her car.

***

I really hope that was something like what you wanted ArtMages Rebirth and that you enjoyed it

also am really happy that I got to participate in this event, and am very glad that I finished. because I’m going to be honest, (I don’t generally write cheerful/upbeat things and) at the end there I was REALLY struggling to finish! but in the end it all worked out and I had fun- so yeah <3

[azure7539arts]

may I also request something mdzs related? that post about wwx going down lwj memory lane, may you write his reactions to lwj receiving his punishment, finding lsz, and maybe inquiry? your writing is really captivating! (and very angsty)

Thank you, anon! And, apparently, angsty is what I strive for in life lmao And yes, feel free to send in more asks. I’ll get around to them when I have the chance~

[Read part 1 (i guess?) here]

► Note:

• Bu Ye Tiancheng: Nightless City

• LuanZang Gang: Burial Mounds

• Yun Shen Buzhi Chu: Cloud Recesses in the English translation (or literally, land lost in the clouds, unable to be found)

As always, SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT. PLEASE SCROLL AWAY IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS.

Wei WuXian didn’t think he was breathing.

He didn’t think he was breathing because the air felt leaden in his lungs as it sat like an ominous weight right in the center of his chest, just waiting to burst forth straight out of his rib cage.

He’d been trying to think, trying to piece together some sort of coherent thought or explanation or just anything at all, but all that he could come up with was a broken loop of why, why, why, why.

He understood why, but that didn’t mean he had to comprehend or accept it. He understood that Lan Zhan was a stubborn, headstrong man with a will of iron forged in the most searing of flames in the high heavens. He understood that once Lan Zhan loved, there was nothing or no one who could sway him otherwise (because, deep down, the six-year-old boy who resolutely sat on those stone steps to wait for his mother to open the doors for him was still there, still patiently waiting even then after all this time—and this was already more than enough evidence should anyone ever want to know exactly just how unwavering and unfaltering Lan Zhan could be once he’d decided that he’d give someone hold over his heart.)

Wei WuXian understood it all, but as it was, he didn’t understand why Lan Zhan just had to go to this length for him.

He had been trying in vain for what seemed like hours to stop the discipline whip from striking and cutting any more slashes into Lan Zhan’s already bloodied, torn up back, the wounds so deep Wei WuXian could see the sickening sight of white bone peeking out in some places underneath the shredded flesh. He knew there was no use to it—whatever remaining rationality screaming at him that this was just a memory of the past flashing by—but he couldn’t help it.

He had to do something when there were people were hurting the one person he loved most in the world.

-

By the end of it, Lan Zhan was bedridden for three years.

By the end of it, Wei WuXian couldn’t remember what his past counterpart had been doing during those three years up on LuanZang Gang anymore. All he could hear and see, taste and smell, were the tears and sweat and blood that shedded for him.

-

“Don’t go so fast,” Wei WuXian said into this quiet void of talking to himself, itching eyes watching as Lan Zhan, in a frantic panic, dressed himself and proceeded to ignore every unbidden wince of pain that he was pulling out of his own lips thanks to that series of hasty movements that were disturbing those barely healed wounds. The slashes had still bled sluggishly sometimes, even after three years. “Worry about yourself first.”

Those were futile words.

Lan Zhan had disappeared from Yun Shen Buzhi Chu that day and had brought himself—no matter the pain it took—to LuanZang Gang. To the one person who had directly and indirectly caused him all the hurt, beyond the physical sense, that he had been bearing for years and years on end.

But long before he had managed to drag himself there, the Wei WuXian of this bleak past had already been long gone from the world.

(Wei WuXian didn’t think he would ever forget the sheer desperation that had been on Lan Zhan’s face as he had looked around in search for any traces, any remaining traces at all, of the person whom he given everything he could to protect.

There had been none.)

And Wei WuXian wondered, numbly, what had kept Lan Zhan searching. Stubbornness? Despair?… Hope? It was hard to say, and in the meantime, Wei WuXian was trying his utmost best not to look too closely at his surroundings anyway. The broken pots on the ground, the makeshift houses razed to the ground, the just growing crops burnt and mercilessly squashed… The Wens had all died in this place along with him.

-

It wasn’t until Lan Zhan pulled a too thin, unconscious and feverish boy out of the hollow of a tree littered with all sorts warding talismans, that he could feel the coiled tension in the pit of his stomach relax incrementally.

A-Yuan had subconsciously clung onto Lan Zhan like a lifeline, and either too far gone or thinking that there had been no one around to witness it anyway, Lan Zhan had allowed a grief-stricken look to shroud over his face, and Wei WuXian could only cast his eyes out into the dark expanse of the starless night sky above, overwhelmed and exhausted yet relieved at the same time despite himself. Despite already knowing that Lan Zhan would eventually find this poor boy who had once called him Xian-gege and had now become the sole survivor of an entire family.

“A-Yuan ah…” Wei WuXian whispered, hand motioning in an attempt to try and stroke a hand through the child’s sweat and dirt matted hair that he could still remember to be so soft and tender. “You’re safe now. He’ll take good care of you.” Better than I could’ve ever done myself.

-

Wei WuXian thought he remembered where his soul had gone, after that sweeping raid on LuanZang Gang, but he wasn’t thinking about it. Instead, the sound of the guqin lingered with him, as much as it had done with Lan Zhan, almost everywhere, constantly, the hauntingly desolate notes wrapping around him like binding threads of gossamer. Spinning and spinning and spinning.

Lan Zhan had played Inquiry everyday (like he he had kept waiting for his mother to open the door to receive him into her arms everyday even though he had no longer come by to sit on the steps of her private quarters anymore after his schedule had gotten too irregular to keep up the habit.) He had played Inquiry every day, had gone to buy Emperor’s Smile whenever he had missed the bright boy of the past and his rich laughter too much, and had gathered every piece of Wei WuXian that he had still kept from long ago together to form what almost seemed like one last final breath of a life before had died out in a shriek of agony.

He’d held onto all of that, tucked them away for safekeeping, and continued playing that one song of Inquiry day after day without fail.

Wei WuXian looked at his husband, his hands ghosting over the too silent strings that was the hallmark of an unanswering soul, and wondered what would have become of them, of Lan Zhan, if Mo XuanYu hadn’t given him another chance at life.

(The idea of Lan Zhan, cold and alone and unable to move on from this almost terrifyingly encompassing love, love for a person—for all he had known—who was never coming back, made Wei WuXian shudder as the despair bubbled up from deep inside his chest and spilled over like spider lilies falling into the darkness.)

-

-

His limbs were cold, and Lan Zhan, just like that, was clasping Wei WuXian’s hands with his own his steady, warm ones, all the while blowing hot breaths onto the icy palms and kneading the underlying muscles for better blood circulation.

Lan Zhan allowed him his silence for a few long moments before cracking his lips open and saying, “It’s not your fault.”

“You told me that already,” Wei WuXian replied sullenly, head heavy with a pulsing pressure wedged right behind his eyes.

“It’s true.”

Wei WuXian pursed his lips and said nothing. His fingers were still stiff with cold.

“I…” Lan Zhan began again, and for a man of not many words, he was trying hard to get this point across. Because it was important. “I do not want there to be any sense of gratitude or apology between us.”

“That’s not—” Wei WuXian was in the process of shaking his head in denial when Lan Zhan levelled him a pointed look, one eyebrow slightly arching upward, and Wei WuXian clicked his mouth shut at that.

Lan Zhan sighed, the circular motion of his massaging thumbs moving steadily along Wei WuXian’s hands until they settled over inner, sensitive skin of his wrists now. And he tried again, no interruption this time: “I do not what that because everything I did, I did because they were right. No more.”

Meaning, Don’t feel grateful towards me when I was only doing the right things.

Meaning, Don’t apologize when I have no regrets.

Meaning, You were—are—right to me.

Because unlike his father before him who had had to lock both himself and his own wife, the love of his life, away because he couldn’t reconcile the conflicts he had felt over loving her so much even though it had been wrong and had gone against every teaching he had received since young, Lan Zhan knew that this love, to him, was right.

Wei WuXian was right, to him. For him.

“You told Jiang WanYin it was better not to dredge up the already bygone past, and this is the same.” Lan Zhan leant down, pressing gentle kisses over the pulse in Wei WuXian’s wrists. “We’re here now.” As in, what’s done is done.

Let’s enjoy the present.

And Wei WuXian closed his eyes, throat tight with the piercing of a thousand needles, but at the same time, he understood this. He comprehended what his husband was saying, and he agreed. The past was the past, and beyond that, it was already another lifetime for him, and if he kept living in regrets, even now that they had gotten married and had only just begun spending their lives together for the rest of their days to come… Then what was the point in all that suffering that they had gone through to be with one another? What was the point in all the pain that Lan Zhan had endured?

Gratitudes and regrets poisoned a relationship, and Wei WuXian should know this better than anyone else.

So he surged up and settled himself into his husband’s embrace, arms wrapping around him and holding him close. Never leaving. Never again.

“I love you,” Wei WuXian said, a genuine smile on his lips despite the sadness that was finally ebbing in his eyes. He was happy. Happy that Lan Zhan had gone out of his way and tried so hard to explain his thoughts to Wei WuXian, laying his heart out in the open like that, just so there wouldn’t be any misunderstanding between them.

“Mn.”

(It was an almost terrifyingly encompassing love, but at the same time, Wei WuXian didn’t mind. His love was possessive, too, with the weight of too many losses and the stigma of a madness that hadn’t quite faded away even after crossing over lifetimes. And that was just how they were… They helped balance each other out and made themselves all the more stronger for it.

In the end, this was all that they had ever wanted or needed.)

[pingou7]

A car, two cops and a stardust — a RebelCaptain road trip fic

by @pingou7 pingou  for @thestarbirdfromtheashesStarbird

(aka the Road trip fic Diego Luna’s filmography made me write)

Read and enjoy, and please consider leaving me a few words.

Summary:

As the dusty roads criss under Kes Dameron’s old car, Cassian Andor lets the wind mess with his hair through the open window. Dust, sunshine, laughter, its easy to recapture the taste of days long gone.

(…)

At a gas station near Corpus Chirsti, when they climb back after taking a piss, both jump out of their skins as a random brunette, eyes thunderous, hisses dangerously from the backseat:

“Just pretend I’m not here.”

Update: Part 8 is published !

This part is dedicated to the ever kind @imsfire2 because she provided inspiration and support.

Read more on AO3 (or under the cut)

Part 8: Fresnillo, Zacatecas, Day 6.

Walking back, they both try to keep their eyes focused on the path, trying their best to ignore the shift occurring between them. Against her own volition however, several times Jyn catches his eyes slipping to the right, quickly taking a look at her.

She feels like a teenager and she’s sure that somewhere Saw is frowning at her, like that one time when he realized she had a hickey on her neck. She’d been what, fourteen? So far, her interactions with Cassian have been much more tame, but the fact that Kes chose to retreat back early left them unbalanced, in uncharted territory.

She knows Gerrera would be disappointed in her if he knew that she let herself have fun while on the run. Not only she has let herself enjoy the beat and Cassian’s hold, but his chuckle too and his arm still nesting under hers as he guides her back in the busy streets of Fresnillo. She should pry his arm away but she doesn’t want to.

At Saba's house, Kes has been waiting for them, or at least they still find him nursing his drink under the arbor. Their host is already snoring in his hammock and doesn’t stir at all. What an odd duck their friend is, not at all the kind of acquaintance she would picture the two cops to have!

She envies other people’s easiness, it’s been five days since she’d last seen Bodhi, since she has run out of her flat, and while she has slept, she had not rested since. She called Baze before dinner, but as it went straight to voicemail, she didn’t leave a message. No trace back to Mexico just in case.

Kes seems surprised to see them, his gaze plainly showing he had somehow expected Cassian and her to make a beeline for the closest bed. Truthfully, Jyn’s blood is quite heated still, but it’s a gentle warmth, not the scorching blaze his friend had lit earlier this evening. However tempting it would be to discover if Cassian’s prowess included more intimate activities than dancing, she could not permit it.

Come morning they would be back to a runaway and two cops traveling together due to unlikely circumstances. Nothing more. And okay they’re amazingly friendly but while she is willing to risk her safety, she will not yield to the supposed attraction she feels for Captain Andor. Nothing good will come of it, she can let it become enjoyable, perhaps, but never distracting.

“Jyn, won’t you take a seat?” Cassian asks right on point, likely realizing she has zoned out.

“Enjoy yourself, did you kids?” Kes taunts instead, wiggling his eyebrows before stretching in his own chair.

“At least we weren’t drinking alone, cabrón,” Cassian deflects by eyeing the clear content in his friend’s glass.

“Let me drown my loneliness in peace, I did you a favor. Plus, I miss my wife and son and puppy and Sab’s not a great distraction.”

“How much did you have already, you’re turning whiny Dameron.”

“Not much, I would not want to steal your thunder, Mr. I’m brooding unless I can demonstrate my sick moves,” he replies, smirking.

“And what poison exactly is into this glass?”

Despite her current curiosity, Jyn cannot prevent a smile from blooming on her lips at their usual banter — leave it to her to snatch a comedic duo... — but it does make her curious and she doesn’t wish for the night to end yet. She doesn’t doubt that tomorrow they will be back on their insane road trip so she focuses on mundane things and sweet summer nights while they last.

“Mezcal, you didn’t learn about it, through your wanderlust? It’s a liquor made from agave.”

“I don’t think I do, but I’ve heard the name before. It’s something like tequila?”

The Charolastras share a long glance across from her, clearly having a silent conversation or a private joke, then Kes cracks his knuckles, adopting ostensibly a teaching stance. For a second she’s amused by his antics again, as Cassian solemnly pours the clear liquid into two tiny bowls set on the table. Jyn guesses they’re not fooling around like she assumed when Kes states calmly:

“While more known — and thus exported — Tequila is actually only made from blue agave, it’s mostly for tourists.”

“Don’t be snotty Dameron, tequila is still good. One properly made, that is. But I find Mezcal more varied,” Cassian offers.

“Why, there’s different sorts?”

“Of course, around forty to fifty sorts, I think,” Kes frowns, clearly looking at his best mate for confirmation. “You know, it’s actually a refined process, not easy to make and to find. I don’t have the exact ratio but —“

“After a hard acquired harvest, it takes cutting, burning, pressing by feet and several distilling,” Cassian cuts in, “so it takes days — sometimes more than a week — before a single drop ends up in a bottle. Actually the ratio is around ten kg for a single liter of liquor. It’s like... the sweat of Mexico, more precisely it’s the tears of fire of this country.”

“You’re really passionate about it, guys, it’s weird to hear Cass waxing poetry, Kes-adillas I’d understand, but...”

All to their admiration for this Mexican drinkable piece of culture, they don’t pick up the nicknames, despite the little smile that lifts a corner of her mouth. She’s even more intrigued, Cassian can tell, because he pushes his tiny bowl in her direction:

“Have a taste, Jyn.”

“Hey, this is no girlie stuff, let’s get her cheap tequila instead.”

“Excuse me, Sergeant Dameron, but I can probably drink you both under the table and besides, I’m not one for girlie stuff, I told you before.”

Both nod and the clear liquid burns in her mouth, its aroma surprisingly rich and smoky. She sips slowly like Kes does in front of her and she understands how their patriotism can shine through this particular alcohol. It’s great.

“How do you know so much about it anyway? Has it always been your preferred drink?”

“That too,” Cassian answers after a few seconds, “but actually, my father was a producer. Nothing professional, but he made a few bottles for family and friends.”

“So you helped him? I guess that’s why you’re so precise then...”

She’s fishing for information with less discretion than she usually observes, because alcohol effects aside, anything that entails learning facts about Cassian is worth the shot — pun intended. For all their constant nagging about her being closed off, he for one isn’t as forward as Kes. Yet her remark strains his smile further and Dameron stares stubbornly at the table when his friend replies:

“I didn’t get to help him, just saw him about. I was too young then.”

Not missing a beat, Cassian murmurs, as if speaking to himself:

“And I’m too old now.”

She’s startled and even Kes is left agape when he gets up suddenly and bids them a hasty goodnight without even pausing to hear their answer. Not that they could have uttered a single word, that is. Once Cassian disappears, Jyn turns to Kes hoping to make sense of this unexpected behavior, but he just shrugs.

“What the heck happened? What did I do?”

“Don’t worry Jyn, it’s just Cassian being... rudo. It will be better in the morning. It’s not easy for him to go back to Mexico, I think it’s worse for him than for me. I focus on good memories, he gets assaulted by bad ones. It’s not your fault.”

Yet, guilt is marring his handsome features, his flat tone indicating that it is far from the first time Cassian pulled something like this and he couldn’t stop it. She too feels sheepish, though even without Dameron’s reassurance, she realizes she had done nothing wrong. Be as it may, trying to understand things better, she asks:

“I got my past laid bare already, can’t you explain what has gotten into him?”

“It’s not my story to tell. But you might know that we’ve been raised by Gina’s sister before getting to the US?” At her nod he adds: “I’ve been orphaned young too and it’s harsh, but Cassian, he was devastated. He’s still beating himself up over it twenty years later.”

If Jyn Erso understands anything about life, it’s that you’re always carrying your ghosts wherever you go. Some days, it’s a light comforting presence, but more often than not it’s an unavoidable burden.

“I didn’t show it before,” Jyn starts awkwardly, changing the subject, “but as far as cops go, you’ve both been great with me. I’m not easy to be around, but you took in everything like troopers and I gave very little in return.”

“Don’t sweat it, having you around is an unexpected happenstance, designed by our Lord above or destiny if you prefer to put it like that, yet I value your presence. You reach Cassian so you deserve everything we can lend you, because, even including tonight, you’re making him smile Jyn, up to his crinkling eyes.”

“You do too, Kes. Watching you is like witnessing a comedic duo, when you’re not bickering.”

“That’s because I’ve got a lifetime of getting under his skin, I mean, he’s my brother, has been since first grade.”

“So?”

“If you asked around about Captain Andor, people who work with him every day would say he’s dedicated, loyal to a fault, a perfect soldier. But not the kind of guy easy to please, nor overly friendly.”

“He told me he’s circumspect but I understand that, I’m not exactly a Disney princess ether.”

“Can’t fault you here,” Kes snorts good-naturally before adding in a quiet voice she almost doesn’t catch, “but maybe that’s why with you, he lets his guard down, he reaches out, and I see you meeting him halfway.”

An angel passes, Jyn’s heart hammering stupidly in her chest and it takes everything not to raise the bait. Instead, she manages to ask flippantly:

“Cop, singer, romantic poet, therapist, you’re a man of many talents, aren’t you Kes-adillas?”

“I must be, with you two. But still, consider what I said, and now I close this delightful chat, I feel my balls shriveling up already.”

“Can’t have that.”

“My wife would never overcome the loss,” he deadpans while she lets out a giggle.

His sense of humor is clearly devastating but his eyes remain kind and serious. He stands up, has a gesture as if to kiss her on the cheek, but she instinctively squares her shoulders and he opts for squeezing her arm instead.

“Sleep well, Stardust,” he whispers gently, retreating back to the house.

“You too, Kes, and... thanks.”

He smiles and goes in what she had surmised to be Sandro’s room. Nobody had dared waking him up though, so she supposes it’s free for Kes to take. Honestly this particular stop is really weird... she hopes the morning, ridiculously close now, will clear the air because she might need all her might for the rest of the trip.

She debates with herself before entering the other free room — their host had prepared his couch for one of them, after all. But Gina’s bag is in that room so she must disturb Cassian if only to use necessary stuff. A shower before going to sleep sounds heavenly indeed.

She knocks and he bids her to enter instantly. He doesn’t acknowledge her presence beyond that though. His tight expression hardens his whole face and she doesn’t need Kes to tell her that he’s unnecessarily brooding.

But she had this kind of outburst before, she’s no stranger to family issues and she owes Cassian more than anybody. So, copying how Bodhi acts whenever she’s in a funk, she lays down next to him, hands pillowing her head. He ignores her presence and this is just as well because she already has the retort ready even though he won’t like to hear it. When she wanted to be left alone a few days ago, he didn’t let her either. Payback is a bitch.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers finally, after twenty breaths — because yes, she keeps count, it gives her something to focus on.

“Don’t mention it Cassian, it happens to everyone.”

Well, not quite everyone, she amends when his lips strain into a bitter smile, but it happens to her on a regular basis. The unpredictable lashing out becomes encompassing and when it cools off, the unease it leaves in its wake is just as painful. No sense in beating a dead horse anyway, right?

“I just got frustrated, you know? And it boiled over. You got in the middle of this and it’s not fair to you.”

The use of the word frustrated irks her for some reason and as Cassian refuses to meet her gaze, it does nothing to abates her awkwardness. Contrary to what Kes had said, maybe she had her part in his outburst earlier. Dancing with him, having fun, flirting a bit... she shouldn’t have done that, music or not. But this side of Cassian was so magnetic she couldn’t resist the pull. She hadn’t wanted to, if she’s honest.

“I enjoyed the night, Jyn,” he says, echoing her thoughts. “I hope we can do it again sometime.”

“It felt great to leave the car, if anything.”

His eyes tighten and his lips expands a bit but he is not quite smiling. She’s somehow said the wrong thing, it sounded like a rebuke she didn’t mean, but further mumblings flee from her mind when his warm hand covers hers.

“I liked to dance with you, you’re not as bad as you seem to think. I’d want to try again,” he repeats, “if you’d let me.”

His tone is too earnest just to be speaking about dance, and she hopes the dimly lit room hides the blush blooming on her fair skin.

“You think you got me figured out then, Cassian?”

“Not quite yet. But I don’t mind so much, I can be patient.”

That she knows, somebody less tenacious would have given up by now. She doesn’t know what to make of his dedication, especially tonight.

“I should go shower and then to sleep,” she replies, “the couch is waiting for me and we’re still far from your destination, right?”

She’s never been to Mexico before and truly their map appeared quite nonsensical to her. Then again, she had quite a lot in mind when she had the opportunity to ponder on it. She hadn’t quite made up her mind to follow them all the way through then.

She wonders every morning if staying with them is the right course of action, but better the devil she knows... and, well, the Charolastras are really easy to be around, their presence are the perfect distraction. She’s even grown to like Dameron’s old mustang, she’s almost disappointed to know it won’t hit the road for much longer.

“We should reach Bernal tomorrow, but... I don’t mind if after preparing for sleep you come back here. I don’t want to chase you away.”

“I know, and you don’t, Cassian. But there’s a perfectly nice sleeping accommodation up for my taking, and... we should use this opportunity to gather our thoughts in private.”

She tried to be reassuring, to be tactful and nice, but he still nods dejectedly. Jyn should probably justify that he seems emotionally raw and she knows how mentally exhausted she is, not a good combo when sharing space, in sharing a bed all the more. But she doesn’t know how to word it without adding gasoline to the fire. Their easiness with bed sharing — not actually sleeping together except in the strictest sense of the word! — feels less and less platonic as days go on. She already can’t even explain how they’ve developed the habit, let alone how to halt it.

At a loss for words, she grabs her bag of things and breathes back a goodnight when Cassian whispers one, eyes even sadder.

It should not taste this bitter to Jyn. Surely it’s just the remnants of Mezcal on her tongue.

Yet, in the shower, curled up on the couch, she still feels his feather-light digits on her hips, and when she closes her eyes, it’s the earlier sight of his carefree smile that accompanies her to sleep.

[moody-avocado]

Kylo Ren’s darkest moment (self-destruction), a meta

“When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. It’s not you, you tell yourself, it’s that bad thing you did.”

Bear with me on this one, this is probably the weirdest meta parallel I have ever drawn, but I believe that it makes a lot of sense - I am going to describe the similarities in (unhealthy) thought processes between Star Wars’ Kylo Ren and BoJack Horseman, and explain Kylo’s rather merciless (at least initially) and self-destructive behavior on Crait, his relationship with Rey at that point, his fear of rejection, and externalization of hurtful feelings, using a brilliant piece of dialogue from the animated show! Are you intrigued (or at least, entertained)? ;)

SO,

Unable to sleep, I was binging on “BoJack Horseman” on Netflix the other night, and a scene that perfectly summarizes Kylo Ren’s behavior on Crait came on. 

For those of you who haven’t seen it, briefly, the animated series are about a has-been TV star of the 90′s (an anthropomorphic horse - hence the name), who indulges in various self-destructive behaviors. The series are generally funny, but quite often, an episode will have a downer ending, or a seriously profound moment.

Now, I know that some people think that Kylo Ren missed his opportunity for redemption (the Throne Room scene), chose darkness/power, and cemented his choice during the Battle of Crait. 

However, while I do believe that the Battle of Crait was indeed his darkest moment, I kept getting the feeling that the “no quarter” order on Crait, and Kylo’s berserk behavior are not him being dark for the sake of darkness, but that there is something deeper going on. Of course, concurrently, he could be trying to “snuff the Light out” by giving out the brutal orders. He did not seem to be very “into” ordering "no quarter/no prisoners”, at least not to me. 

The problem: I had not been able to put my thoughts and feeling about the whole situation into words, not until I saw the episode of BoJack Horseman called Stop the Presses.

I will have to digress a little bit here and explain how the piece of dialogue came to be.

In the aforementioned episode, what happens - as IMDb put it - is that a customer service rep gives BoJack some good advice when he tries to cancel his newspaper subscription. The customer service rep pretty much acts as a shrink for the main character in this episode. BoJack complains to her that as soon as things started going well between his roommate, Todd (he is normally cold towards Todd, and their relationship is not ideal), and himself, he ruined it by sleeping with Todd’s girlfriend, Emily. Amazing dialogue ensues.

So, the parallel here would be that things were going well with Rey.

While Rey did leave Kylo in the Throne Room, and did not accept his offer to rule together, she STILL did not kill him in his sleep, and she could have. Kylo does seem to have rejection issues, it is something that I talked about in my previous metas, and something that other people have commented on as well. I will not talk about the subject too much right now, but just mention that I think that it is obvious that he has a lifetime pattern of feelings of rejection (and,as stated in the novel, inadequacy) - starting with both of his parents, then Luke, followed by emotional manipulations by Snoke, and finally - being rejected by Rey. I firmly believe that he could have been moderate, despite Hux finding him in a fishy situation, tried to develop the situation with Rey further, and, at the very least - not have ordered the “no quarter, no prisoners” on Crait. 

Notice how after feeling rejected by Rey, and being a bit too dramatic about it, he went from not being able to harm his mother, to ordering having her murdered.

And here is one of the key phrases, in the pictures above - “You felt like you did not deserve (Tod’s) friendship and you wanted to somehow externalize that feeling into action?” 

Remember this scene?

What I think shows us that Kylo sees himself as not deserving of “friendship” and forgiveness are both the scene with Han where Kylo says that it is “too late” for him to come back home and the “you are a monster/yes i am” scene.

While a part of his violent and terrible actions is simply him doing things for certain, unrelated reasons, I do think that a part of it is Kylo externalizing the described feeling - he wants to truly be non-deserving. 

As the customer service rep puts it -

“When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. It’s not you, you tell yourself, it’s that bad thing you did.”

This is probably the most important of the parallels.

What makes it so important is that, at first, Kylo was not being rejected for things that he had done, but for simply being who he was - Ben Solo, a “complicated”, Force-sensitive child. When his parents sent him away to the Jedi Academy, to Luke, he had not done anything (yet), they simply did not know how to handle him (and the, pretty much - literal demon inside of his head). When Luke had an idea to kill him, it was not for something that he had done - it was simply for who he was, as a being.

I believe that it is much easier for someone’s psyche to deal with the idea that goes along the lines - yes, they hate me, because I have done xy, rather than - they hate me for being all that I am.

Unfortunately, I think that this sort of thinking (and feeling) got the better of Kylo Ren, and that he, simply put, started acting out.

While there is NO EXCUSE for such behavior, I think that this is a good explanation. 

I think that it is nice that at least after the Resistance flees, Kylo Ren seems to regret his choice, and does not try and pursue the Resistance as they are evacuating - that’s something that stood out to me, and I hope that the explanation is not that it would have been technically/logistically hard to do so, but that that was his choice. 

Again, I can draw a parallel between BoJack and Kylo (I do feel silly writing this sentence, believe me :) ), as BoJack DOES feel regret and has a guilty conscience.

There is also a mention of “control over own life”, but that is a different topic.

BONUS - I know that many people who are hoping for a redemption arc and/or are Reylos think that it was too early to expect Kylo to change in episode VIII, and that the key is that Kylo has to sincerely WANT to CHANGE. I certainly do believe that a more profound change has to come from within him, and that it would have been a bit too hasty if episode VIII went something like - Kylo likes Rey, they feel compassion for each other, Kylo kills Snoke, decides he wants to side with Rey, because it is the good thing to do. While it would, of course, be nice, I think that he needs to question himself a bit deeper, change his faulty beliefs, reactions, and so on, because that way, if (or rather, when (I hope)) Rey and Kylo get together, the union will be more firm, not easily shaken by his dark thoughts, feelings, and urges.

In the light of this (pun semi-intended), I present to you the scene where the customer service rep tells a joke - how many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? The answer is just one, but...

And so, with that, I conclude this meta :)

As always, if you agree, disagree, or just wish to say that you liked my meta, all (constructive) critique, support, and discourse is welcome - please comment, it always brings a smile to my face! :)

Disclaimer: I own none of the media used or references in this text, entertainment and educational purposes only