#i think it also doesnt help that i have a problem with transitions too

[suntann]

i hate how so much of adhd management tips are like "here are some ways to maintain your focus and get things done on time!!: [anxiety inducing tactic] [anxiety inducing tactic] [anxiety inducing tactic] [anxiety inducing tactic] [anxiety inducing tactic]"

[piviani]

what enhypen members needs to work on

to become the best version of themselves

( disclaimer: please do remember to take my readings with a grain of salt. i am in no way a professional tarot reader and all of this are alleged and is for entertainment purposes only. )

yang jungwon

ten of swords

somehow swords always shows up to him. what he really needs to work on is his are emotions and his charasteristic where he has no confidence at all. low self esteem. he tends to burden himself with responsibilities alot. so it would be better if he starts on working on himself not for the sake of others but for his own sake alone.

he may have the mentality to always feel or need to catch others for their own problems? i dont wanna cause issues, but whenever i do a reading on jungwon he always feels burned out, exhausted, and sad. it seems like he wants to crave validation from people. someone who could feel what he feels. he doesnt show his emotions alot. so it would be a really great start to befriend with a non-toxic circle and a non toxic environment that understands why hes like he is and why its hard with opening up.

lee heeseung

king of pentacles in reverse

oh what he needs to work on are his characteristics of being overly workaholic and stubborn at times. he may be too quick on his shoes especially if it involves his work without even roughly thinking about the consequences he might face and things he might lose along the way. as long as theres a starter lane he can run over its already enough for him. theres times he might leave things as it is if it doesn’t benefit him anymore.

heeseung has the tendencies to lose touch with the reality too, he might be overly intune with the idealism world he creates. sometimes losing touch with the reality has its side effects. (nothing bad about dreaming, he just might be into it that he might start to abandon it will actually need consistent hardwork) so he should work on these things to improve his life and become the best version of himself.

park jongseong

wheel of fortune - queen of pentacles

i was wondering what the wheel of fortune meant cause this doesnt seem like something that could be worked on. its one of the major symbolic cards. probably the only thing i could consider as slightly negative is where it will always have ups and downs. its a wheel after all—and in every transition, a big change occurs. so anyway, i pulled for confirmation and queen of pentacles came out. well—with the former card, it might be true in a sense that fate are always there for him. however we should take queen of pentacles into an account. he may take responsibilities for his loved ones too much so he should tone it down. things dont always look good just because it is for the external. best believe as unfortunate it sounds being a giver always causes troubles too. may tend to neglect himself while taking focus on the others thinking it could help him. so he should work on this :) hes too nurturing it backfires him.

sim jaeyun

two of wands

2 of wands, for jake to become the best version of himself—he should learn to focus on his personal goals. tha card shows a man standing holding an earth (or basically his world) with his right hand and a wand in his left, and with my own interpretation, it’s saying him that jake should learn to focus more on what’s infront of him than just standing. its the actions that matters. you cant be standing for so long or you could be left behind. he should learn not to settle for less with this. he may always be indecisive too—whether he should just stand and stay, or move forward by wanting more. he may be a thinker more than a taker. or like idealistic more than realistic. though there’s the passion, drive don’t do everything. he needs his own resolve so he could become the best version of himself.

park sunghoon

queen of wands

another wands, though queen of wands may mostly have an uplifting and positive meaning, this could also mean that sunghoon may have tendencies to be too self centered because of his confidence with his individuality. may be too independent as well. he should learn how to rely on others too as too much independence can cause you to isolate with others making it hard to open up his scars and wounds. he may be the type to be closed off yet helps with people with their own certain circumstances with his drive and force? just really not with himself which causes this destruction. so its really adviced for him to be communicative. (ive noticed most enha are not really great with communication and would rather keep it all by themselves, including sunghoon himself) like though they might everything’s alright already it might not be? sunghoon needs to stay still and allow others to walk through his inner. its not bad to be dependent sometimes.

kim sunoo

the tower in reverse

tower in reverse.. it seems like sunoo doesn’t face his personal problems because he believes walking through it causes more trouble than running away. so he turns his back instead. sunoo’s always scared to change that it becomes a toxic repetitive cycle. this seems like it will not change any time soon either. he will try and try to resist any transitions until it exhausts him. he may have low self esteem which causes this. sunoo doesn’t really see a light behind the darkness? neither would like to change this cycle. he would rather keep running instead of facing it. change are inevitable, sunoo should learn how to take this into an account and accept the undeniable transformations that needs to be taken for the future as this is a major part when growing up. (as much as i wouldve loved to deep dive more and pull a card but i dont think im allowed further. such heavy energy, this is all i can do.)

nishimura riki

the hanged man in reverse

the hanged man usually symbolizes detachment, discontentment and impulsiveness. these are what riki should take into an account for him to become the best version of himself. he seems to be the type to make his impulsiveness a mechanism to direct the fact that he always feels low, like just so he could feel thrill. he’s young so there seems to be days where impulsiveness takes over. im seeing impatience in his part as well. a bit naive. originally in the upright—we can see the man hanging there by his own free will, but this is in reversed—so im seeing some certain circumstances where he just let people control him rather than fighting for what he feels symbolizes him more. or hes standing in standards that doesn’t align with his will. this could also be the problem. he should learn how to let his thinking be aligned with his will. impulsiveness are not always the answer. he shouldnt retrain himself just because others said so. he needs how to form his own freedom of speech lol.

[molsno]

hey, sorry if this is out of line, but I'm a "theyfab" (pre-everything guy, waiting for top approval, rly sensitive to hormones so worried about t) dating a transfemme. I want her to feel loved and seen by me - she's also early in transition and I want her to know that me loving her as she is DOESNT mean I won't continue to love her as she grows and changes. She's pretty shy and her only trans girl friends are online. Anyway, I want to learn how to NOT be like the tme people you've interacted with. U can ignore this, but if u do have advice I'd love to hear it!

Also, I'm really sorry about the abuse you've endured. It's not fair. It's not acceptable.

hi, I honestly appreciate you asking for advice! that to me shows that you do really care about her and want to be good to her

I think the most important thing is to keep in mind that she's in an incredibly vulnerable and precarious position. it sounds to me like she doesn't have a big support network. it can be very hard to build something like that as a trans woman (especially early in transition) but it's something that's absolutely vital. a big problem that I think a lot of us face is becoming overly dependent on a tme person (or a few of them) which can be completely devastating if that person leaves. I think the best thing you can do to help her is to encourage her to make more friends of her own. ideally, they should NOT just be your friends that you're introducing her to. she needs to have friends and allies completely separate from you. you cannot do everything for her, nor should you be expecting/expected to - that's a fast way to make sure your relationship falls apart. above all - and this is key - is to understand that you don't own her. she's an independent person, and she deserves to have her own life and make her own choices about it

I feel I should also warn you that this is going to be a very tumultuous time for her. she is literally starting to undergo a second puberty, and it will be just as distressing, hormonal, and emotional as the first one. cut her some slack if she seems irritable or upset for seemingly no reason. for me and a lot of other trans women I know, this was one of the most dysphoria-inducing periods of our lives. it very well might be for her too. it's easy to be upset that the hormones aren't working, or that changes aren't happening fast enough, or that you'll be ugly or not feminine enough, etc. she may express doubts like this. offer her reassurance! it will take time for her to see the changes she wants to see, but they'll come. in the mean time, let her know whenever you notice changes in her. maybe you'll notice her skin is softer, or her hair looks more lush, or her face is rounding out, or her hips are getting wider. let her know that you see these things and compliment her. early transition can very well be a source of joy, if she's able to take pleasure in the little changes, and you can absolutely be a part of that process!

I don't know if your relationship involves sex, and I don't want to make any assumptions about how you two engage in it if so. however, this is a common experience I hear about, so I feel like I should tell you this. don't expect her to have sex with you like a cis man. not only can it be dysphoria-inducing to always have to top, her body will possibly not even be capable of that soon due to the effects of estrogen. if that's how you've been having sex up until now, you'll have to really reorient how you two do things. I haven't read it myself, but I've heard the zine "fucking trans women" by mira bellwether contains a lot of good information on this topic. you may find it useful! I think you can read it at this link, but I'm not sure. if any of my followers have a better link, go ahead and put it in the replies!

finally, and this is honestly just a good tip for relationships in general, listen to her. if she's upset about something, take her seriously and don't pass judgment on her. don't immediately jump on the defensive if she's upset about something you've done in particular. try to put yourself in her shoes and see things from her perspective. show her that she can talk to you about anything and you'll be receptive, and you'll be able to have open, honest communication much more often, which will lead to a much stronger and healthier relationship

thank you for sending this, and thank you for your reassurance about my own trauma as well. it really means a lot to me! it really helps me feel more optimistic to know that there are tme people who are willing to listen to us and be better allies to us. I think your girlfriend is very lucky to have you, and I hope you can both be happy together!

before I go, I know I'm not that knowledgeable about your personal situation, but I would say that if you think testosterone would make you happier, you should pursue it! if you can obtain it, there's nothing wrong with taking it for a week or two, seeing how it makes you feel, and then deciding whether or not to keep taking it based on that. either way, I wish you the best!

[scarsbloodandleather]

had this in the drafts for a LONGGG ASS TIME:,,,

i just stayed up all night thinking about trans dean!!! (hbo dean) and wrote an approximate 5 page essay of my thoughts!!! (written by a transmasc)

(just on how dean is trans while keeping majority of the plot is the same, but also better than canon..)

Starting at the beginning. born Deanna. Dean always wanted to present more masculine. as a little kid always wanted to play with the boys stuff and dress in daddys clothes not mommys. in the first scene of him holding baby Sammy, it’s very much possible that he could still look pretty much the same considering the popularity of bowlcuts in young kids especially amongst little girls at that time. After Marys death, john never knew how to shop for girls clothing, so Dean just got the most basic looking clothes, already making him slide into that masculine nature. He probably grew out his hair after Mary died for a while (because of johns inability to take care of his kids and give them regular haircuts), until lets say 6?? when Dean figured out how to use scissors on his hair. John is unfazed, like as long as it doesn’t get in the way, and monsters cant grab deans hair(idk, things like that)

Bobby is the first to figure out Dean is trans. obviously. he pays more attention to the kids than john does. Dean just acts like a boy, thinks he’s a boy, though still being technically a girl. He’s complained before to Bobby about wanting to be a boy and hates being seen as/called a “dyke” or a “tomboy” by classmates and teachers. Dean doesnt think anything is wrong with expressing those emotions, still being just a young kid.

Around 8?9? Dean end up just straight up telling john he thinks he’s actually a boy and john couldnt care less tbh, trans men were nearly invisible to society at that time, especially to someone like john who probably grew up under a rock about those things more than anyone. John probably just somehow believed what dean said.. but in a twisted fucked up way… In Johns head Dean is now “a boy with feminine parts, and that is not right, you cant be a man and feminine.” (something like that) So John double time forces hyper masculinity upon dean much too early, as a compensation for anything possibly non-masculine about dean. Trans men are not a concept in johns mind and he doesnt care at all what it could mean other than Dean just being fucked up. This ideology weighs heavily into Dean’s trauma and daddy issues. Especially when john has angry drunk outbursts of ridiculing Dean for the way he is, doing things like deadnaming and misgendering Dean on purpose.

John obviously didnt know or care about anything gender confirming beyond, “I have a son, I buy boy clothes, it’s easier in so many ways having two sons now.” Bobby was the one who fully supported and understood dean and tried to do everything he could to understand deans situation and help him with the transition.

also. no one really knew of john as a hunter at the start. so its easy for john to switch to saying he has two sons, without causing problems.

Puberty for Dean would fall around 1990/91. By that time hormone blockers were already a thing available for kids who had puberty too early, [BUT amongst my research on hormone blockers for trans people I couldn’t find when That became a common practice, and when or where it became easy(ish) to get such treatment without being denied or hatecrimed in some way...] (will have to do more research on some subjects, I still have several books and articles I need to go through) However, I do know testosterone was actually an accessible thing around the 90s for trans men(ofc i still cant find what the age is for being aproved to start hrt unfortunately).

But, I believe, thanks to Bobby’s cunning schemes, he can get what Dean wants/needs in an easy way (ex; lying about Dean’s age or gender[saying he’s intersex or a male with a hormone deficiency], stollen medical prescription forms, etc)

So maybe, most of Deans life he is stealth to most, (even if he doesnt get testosterone until later in life, there are multiple accounts of trans men more than fooling a vast majority of people into thinking theyre cis, even when literally having sex with women believe it or not(ex; Brandon Teena/Boys Don’t Cry film, a popular 50s gospel singer i forgot the name of, much more) Dean is definitely super crafty in canon so he is always finding ways to pass.

Sam knowing Dean is trans makes sense(even if he doesnt have a word for it at first) considering how close they are as siblings. And I think funnily enough he might not even know Dean is “trans” until he attends a gsa class in college(bonus: Sam is he/she/they nonbinary in my hc and they find out that too)

[Side note, because of genes*, it’s very possible for an afab in the winchester family to be up to 5’10(lets say dean is 5’9 though). He wears those 1 1/2 inch heeled boots he does in canon (funny how he’s canonically trans coded sm), with shoe inserts on top of that and, boom. easily 5’11-6’0. yet, he is still more than four inches shorter than his younger brother.(idk i think sam should chill like maybe he can just be 6’2or3 in hbo, bc *john is still 6’1or2, and mary’s family also has tall men*)]

Moving on. According to the timeline dean discovering girls (and boys) happens next at 12/13 (pls help i’m on the aro spec and dk the normal age you get crushes)

but since we already know john is even more strict about Dean’s masculinity than he would be with someone whos amab (notice john canonically is less forcing of masculinity upon sam... i wonder why....) Well in saying that, here comes the intense homophobia. Dean cannot like men. “thats for girls. and Dean said hes actually a man, and I cant let dean be feminine in any way” or some bullshit like that.

Somewhere in the future, before Dean turns 17, john is “worried” about deans possible attraction to men. Sends him on the nun hunt by himself. It’s a big step especially for Dean being afab and john still seeing him as weak and feminine despite believing Dean is actually a dude. (I think this is also the same reason, canonically, sam is so surprised that at 26 dean is going on his own hunts??)

But like- so if the last time Sam saw Dean, Dean was 22 and still an irresponsible youth, still new to the freedom of things that came at 21 and what not(even if dean has been drinking from a young age) and considering johns treatment of Dean, and Deans dependency on johns toxic grasp on him, Sam could still be surprised dean is on his own now[even if dean went on his own at 17, but sam wouldnt know that,, and plus it was just so john could teach him a lesson] So maybe john also let Dean go on his own at 23(before then dean always went with another person) and because he would soon see Dean and his hunting partner of the time, Lee, getting along “too well” he would just fr gaslight dean to just go on his own from then... (something like that)

Focusing back on Dean’s transition, I actually have no idea when dean would get top surgery bc of the busyness of a hunters life. but im thinking it’s a top priority of Deans for a while because of the discomfort of not being able to wear a binder when hunting, only a sports bra, which depending, could still be very uncomfortable for him dysphoria wise. (i know the struggle) Again, Bobby probably one to help with the whole process of payment, recovery and scheduling a good time.

When dean finally gets his top surgery it is when he is with Cassie. (theyre literally both t4t bi4bi) Dean by luck finds a nice girl at a queer bar and settles down with her and decides its time to chop the flesh bags and Cassie helps him in his recovery. (of course i think dean still goes hunting in secret and messed up the healing process and ends up with sorta messed up scars)

Now lisa well... (actually I think canon dean dated her before cassie, but she was only introduced later so-) okay Lisa lowkey gives me transphobe vibes-.. I wonder if it could be that even after they hook up she still isnt even aware that dean is trans, she still finds out someway though. (rip ben actually being from a random biker in this au, bc canon he is 100% deans kid) When Dean sees her again, they run into eachother and catch up despite lisa still being transphobic. She’s fine with just talking but keeping distance. Ben, already liking dean like a father figure, doesn’t understand why lisa dislikes him, even after she explains how Dean is trans, like most kids at that age it’s simple, if he looks and acts like a boy, he is a boy. Kids dont fucking know a thing about body parts or genders... Ben with that ideology, ultimately opens Lisas eyes on trans people and is now okay with Dean.

The only next big plot point I can think of?? is..

Cas raising Dean from hell. While recreating Dean, he sees Deans entire being through Deans perspective. and how Dean is meant to be rather than how he was born. In my mind it makes sense to cas as angel, by seeing Dean’s soul, his memories, everything that makes Dean, well.. Dean, that he is indeed a man. Also because angels have no construct of gender(besides how humans are born) and being genderless in the first place, Cas doesnt associate body parts with genders. He just knows dean is a man and is like “well if hes a human man he must have these parts i guess?”, Deans views of himself blurring his previous form, everything on how dean looks is slightly masculinized. Cas doesnt even think about how come these scars on deans chest are significant and important to him, at any point in the future he could still easily remove them, but he knew they meant something to dean in his mortal development and despite being a “flaw” they are the two scars he didnt wipe clean off of Dean’s body. Everything else, its like- as if Dean was born a man, or at least, however Dean wanted to look. (and still, cas removes all of deans tattoos. dean is pissed asf at cas. even if they had significance to dean, cas still removed them as it was not a part of his body and soul like the top scars, just a foreign blemish made of ink)

That is all i should probably fit in a post now, lmao

[thousandheadeddolphin]

An overly detailed analysis of the scp foundations adopted son, the backrooms

Due to the fact that I have no control over my interests, ive decided that im gonna post cringe and start writing a minimum 100 word (50 for subrooms) review of every single backrooms level (or at least as many as I can get through before the hyperfixation burns out). And before we can actually get to the meat and potatoes, we gonna discuss the universal quality cap contained within the very premise of the modern backrooms (more under the cut)

The history of backrooms is like, pretty simple, and actually kind of similar to how scp started. Some guy posted an imagine with the caption:

"If your not careful and noclip out if reality in wrong areas, you'll end up in the backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, and endless backround noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hindered million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in.

God save you if you hear something wandering around nearby, because it sure as hell has heard you"

The concept very quickly caught on, because even retrospectively, the concept is really good, and then people started to write about. And at this point, it varies very, very heavily from scp. Because scp-173s whole premise doesnt crumble like a sandcastle upon any elaboration.

Ill blaze through this part simply because its by far the most common criticism of the backrooms and im not getting ad revenue from puffing up a video about it. You cant add entities or other humans because the vagueness of the final line and also ruins the isolation inherent to the original passage. You cant add more levels because that gives the person somewhere to go and makes the person less trapped, you cant make your levels death traps because thats just not scary, and you sure as hell cant make them safe because that removes the looming threat of death (this last point also applies to lucky o' milk and almond water). But personally, I dont think that talking about this helps the writers, or even gives us a better feel for what these writers are doing wrong, so instead im gonna focus on the main problem with the backrooms

The writing style is contradictory with the material presented

Since the backrooms popularity boom happened congruently with the one for liminal spaces (which ill just use interchangably with "eerily empty nostalgic space, even though the original definition just describes one thats transitional) even the most recent levels try to invoke this sort of setting. This within itself, is great. Theres a lot of room for very personal, intimate horror, especially when combined with isolation. Guess what they tried to do with it?

They jacked scps writing style, which for those not in the know, is intentionally written from a dry, neutral voice. To describe a setting meant to invoke one of the most personal emotions one can have.

Beyond this, articles, as evidenced by their often dubious writing quality, are written by teens who are far too young to have experienced that kind of nostalgia, so a lot of the articles end up not being able to fully capture the feeling, even if they werent written like a courtroom report.

To summarize, the premise is just kind of limiting within itself, even detached from any disloyalty to the original premise of the backrooms.

anyhow Im releasing the first review tomorrow

[intersexfairy]

i agree and it feels so disrespectful to have us minimized as sex variants. as cool "other genders" when these conditions can often be disabling too. my body is fkd in some ways due to my condition!!!

it would be different if all intersex was .. is a sex variant and it didn't face rampant intersexism and violence (often from birth!!!) but here we are, consistently othered and put out

i dont think its about gatekeeping nor selfishness to protect a community that faces discrimination and violence even from within the trans and queer community- so much so many of us dont even use trans or binary terms anymore.

i dont think its the same thing as gatekeeping other communities because of the fact its not just alternative genders, it's bodily conditions that even if ppl transitioned, they couldnt achieve because the conditions come with many other side effects

maybe one day my mind will change.. im an open person. i would just encourage anyone reading this to think about why they need *this term specifically* when there are so many others that dont come from actual conditions

yeah, this. thank you for sending these asks, it really helps me like. feel less alone. i think that's part of the problem too. the intersex community is so fractured because we have so little visibility and awareness. many of us dont even know we're intersex, to the point that those of us who do know are often still alone. it makes me feel like our voice doesnt matter, or that by defining intersex the way we do, we're trying to make it this exclusive club. but we're just trying to have words for who we are and what we're going through. so we can finally be around people like us, and fight together.

also it's not like we're the ones who chose to be socially marked for being born with/developing these variations. and if intersex doesnt refer to that, then the only other terms we have are the H slur, our diagnosis/traits themselves, or VSD (variation in sex development) which.. i dont think i have to explain why that wouldnt be empowering to a lot of us.

also i think varsex is a really pretty term, i might start using it more.

[transformationofmatter]

ive been meaning to do a write up about some of the influences for my map... so i'm going to just ramble for a bit about some metro maps i like!

the biggest influence is the paris RER/metro/tram map. its quite busy and complicated, and its quite amazing. i cant post the whole thing bc its too big but here are some screenshots and you can see it for yourself here.

the look of my transfer stations, buses, and the very large scale of my map is all borrowed from what you can see above.

the RER map does have some problems though, it completely lacks accessibility information (there is a different map for it and I find that kind of bizarre) and there is kind of a really approximate approach to the bus routes (likely just out of necessity--theres a lot of them lol!) which doesnt make as much sense for the kinds of services i'm showing on my map.

the black outlines surrounding multiple stations come from the paris metro map, which is... not really the best map. but I like the increased clarity about the fare situation. below is the paris metro map. i'm also thinking about using a similar system to indicate rail service continues off the map

the boston T map (below) is a great example of a map that becomes increasingly diagrammatic as it gets farther from the center. in reality, the green line "D" branch is by FAR the longest of the branches followed by B, then C, then E

you can see this in my map so far in the bronx. because theres intersecting services (the SBS buses) it cant be quite as diagrammatic as the green line, but its still a lot more so than midtown

i'm not taking much from vignelli style maps, honestly bc i dont think that style really is best for the readability of the map, despite it being really visually attractive. but i am being quite conservative with my corner radii, like the vignelli maps. what i mean is that theres only a few options for radius of semicircular elements--the transit lines all use 6mm radii (some very rare exceptions use 2mm, and theres also some 12mm radius partial circles in places), geographic elements use 6mm and 2mm for small details, and thats basically it. this helps keep the same basic structure of nyc maps that we're more familiar with, rather than the very loose application of curves in the RER map for example which would likely create a very different map.

that is all, thank you for coming to my ted talk

[daughterofninemoons]

dumb little ventpost

2 main things

1. I dont think ive been vulnerable and i mean truly vulnerable with anyone in years, not even my therapist. Ive only cried in front of someone once and almost instantly started to hide my emotions again because i think i taught myself emotions are bad to feel, and that if i showed any emotion i was worthless and everyone would hate me. Now im bad at advocating for myself and basically havent ever showed anyone who I actually am because i just get nervous and fall back on the mask ive created for myself. All this to say that i feel like i have a basic surface level connection with most people and end up not trusting anyone with my emotions in fear that they will abandon me too for not being this ideal person. And how I just cant muster up the words or confidence to tell my friends how deeply i care for them.

2. I only started transitioning after alot of the gender essentialism stuff had been drilled so deep into every kids skull and being transfem, i was a guy at the time. I was taught that showing emotions was bad and that i need to be independent all the time. That ended up with me never really experiencing physical contact outside of an extremely emotionally intimate sense. Problem is i fucking love physical contact, i love cuddling and snuggling and holding hands and even just leaning on someone or someone leaning on me, so like a month ago when I was on a trip for school and made some friends who had no problem with physical contact every time we touched i just folded like a goddam lawnchair emotionally. Specifically one friend (lets just call them M) who i not only thought was hot as fuck but also was not at all adverse to physical contact, and regularly used it to express or emphasize emotion, you know existed around me and was a friend to me was certainly interesting. Once me and M were at a museum and they grabbed my arm to talk to me at a socially acceptable volume for a museum and the first time i felt like i was going to melt and it only got worse with successive arm grabbings (it also doesnt help that we were nerding out together and marveling at things like statue fabric depictions and old oil paints) or just chilling on a couch with M when they just leaned on me and it was so shocking to me that someone could trust me enough to not only have physical contact with me but also fucking lean on me?!?! or numerous other small physical gestures of friendship that all made me feel like the world was more vibrant. Now that im back and theyre far away life feels hollow and grey and dull in comparison.

sorry for how disorganized and chaotic this is the rats in my brain just needed to get this shit down and tell someone about my dumb little feelings

[2bit-sunshine]

I swear if i ever make a cohesive universe im not gonna have time travel. I hate time travel. Too many problems

I think the most i am going to have is like a description of time as a zipper on a jacket. It starts open, free, where all possibilities exist unfettered in the aether. Then, as time does, it zips along the zipper tread. Moving toward the other end.

As the zipper closes the time line is formed with events having happened stuck in that state of the past. They happened. No changing them. Then as the zipper continues to close, the space of open possibility also shrinks with more events becoming likely and transitioning into the past.

As the timeline zips shut you will have a future of less and less outcomes. Especially the closer you are to the present.

Because the future is made upon of possibility there is a chance many things could happen. Transporting to the future is impossible as well as there is nothing "solid" to stand on.

But that isnt to say you cant see the past or future. Time travel is less travel and more observing. You can observe past events easily enough as there is a solid line you can follow. You can observe the future possibilities as well and this can give you an edge in mapping out potentials scenerios where you can game the future into a state you want but the longer you wait the more it closes, shutting off potential possibilities.

The trick isnt whether or not those things are possible. It would be in this universe. Its that you need an extradinary amount of focus and awareness of the past or future you are trying to observe.

What i mean is this. The timeline that exists in this universe i want to concoct isnt just one singular timeline. Its several concurrent timelines for every particle, atom, object, animal, person and consciousness. How do you even find one thing in all that mess?

The tricky thing with this analogy of a timeline to a jacket zipper is that it paints it as one lone timeline. But it is an anology for the unintiated. Because of course things are more complex than that. To dig deeper is to know the the timeline of the universe is more zippers than you can count. Then you need to be able to find those specific zippers for what you want. They all are moving at the same rate and in the same direction.

It can help to know the events of a particular past. This allows you to cross some things off as being some other zipper. If you know a house was built in this location and what it looked, you can better observe the location history because that house wouldn't be in another zipper. Its even better if you have the thing you want to observe there with you. You can observe a persons past if they are there with you.

There are layers to this though and it isnt less complicated than time travel just a complicated i happen to like more. Some people might be able to just see a past or future. Others might be able to show it to others as well. But how do you see it? Observing the timeline of a person is like looking through their eyes. You hear the thoughts that are relevant in their voice. You smell and hear and see and feel as they do. The more prominant the thing they are noticing the more you notice it yourself.

People may be the easiest as they are able to process things on multiple avenues. They can see something happening and can hear it too. Most of all they have thoughts about it.

An object not so much.

Unless i do something wacky, a rock doesnt see what happens around it. Neither will it have a nose to smell or nerves to feel its outsides. I think it is more likely that you get impressions of consciousness on an object and able to sense recent, common or strong inprints. In a sense its a proxy for a person in a distant point in time.

You hold the sword and you can reach out to a person who held it and their timeline. But it doesnt help if you just have the sword and no idea who wielded it. Depending on its age it could have a robust history or a very short one. Knowing who held it will allow you to zero in on a past point.

I covered the person and the thing but not the place. Places are even wierder as their timelines can include multiple objects or people. Im not ready for all that tonight.

Time travel. Fuck it. Just make it a immutable past with a future of possibilities but no way to actually travel to those pasts or futures. I dont like thinking about all the timey whimy bs of paradoxes and shit

[oswednesday]

Bnha is a fine series for what it is but i just can't understand my problem with it - like, having read from the beginning it feels like it lost some aspects that i enjoyed or moved away from things i thought it was setting up.

On some level i attribute it to my 'the hundred chapter shounen curse" where around a hundred chapters in most shounen just dip in quality. But it's not quite like that.

I do agree with some people's complaints about setting deku up as hyper analytical character but then providing him a 'punch harder' flying brick powerset.

I do wonder how the series could have handled it if they had just let deku be op from the beginning, as i feel exploring the quirk have vs havenot stuff couldve been more explicit if they did that.

Also Bakugo is such a genius addition for the story. His 'no i want to be a hero moment' was great

And i know this complaint is just all shounen but i wish the women characters could have more to do / more focus without having to deal with the shounen enforced gender roles death trap.

I should read through it again and actually analyze some of the themes, might help me learn what i disliked about the transition to longer running

i dont think the solution or the problem is like what if the characters were x and y and z instead tho that is a fun thought exercise! i was rolling this ask over in my head a bunch because i feel much the same, i think where the Problem arises happens in pretty much everything the seams are just more noticeable in a shounen cause theyre unfortunately expected to follow a set of stuff to be publishable and marketable as that, this happens in usamerican comics too so i think ill use that to talk about it like, what we get introduced to is an intimate story in a world like our own but not exactly, much of the mystery of the world is concealed to us, the conflicts are close to the protagonist our window into the world, the antagonist feel so much bigger theyre a huge unknown, as the story progresses the intimacy is often lost , all things have these growing pains of course, i think for bnha in order to like have stretch marks instead of tearing the antagonists would have had to get more complicated and the protagonists interactions with that would have had to get more in depth and serious and there would have had to been bigger and bigger consequences while there are eventually it ends up feeling just like expected beats so with that loss and familiarity the charge of the story is lost?

to talk about something like, power and story creep, like superhero stuff often starts intimate does it? like you learn about the protagonist and youre close to the inner struggles, the antagonists are larger than life and often pale behind The Real Big Bad but you dont even know yet! its mysterious and scary! but then the world opens up and its like with batman in the greater dcu, doesnt that ruin the sort of intimacy knowing someone with god like powers is a phone call away? thinking about how the animated series teen titans handles that by keeping the stories really close and interpersonal and the characters' antagonists always these figures just one step away from being understood its like theyre scary!

but bnha let the air out real fast on a lot of stuff while never moving them beyond, what are we suppose to feel about all for one or about tomura or about any over them, like we'd get a lore dump and the status quo would remain! i think about like the who is the traitor arc and how that doesnt matter after everything cause of how big a jump the comic made in that, while that happens and sometimes it happens real good, it sort of becomes plug in play doesnt it like did the overhaul stuff really serve the narrative where it was in the story? was that really the best way to handle dabi's narrative? like it feels like a list of check off marks!!! and of course its in some part because its a serialized comic series

but teal deer its like Pacing and Plot economy, what you lose in intimacy and being on the ground floor at the start you make up for with like overwhelming your other senses as the series becomes ungrounded and seemingly further away from like, the opening wound but it has to be there in secret the whole time so that by the time it ends you feel that it was there the entire time! of course thats just for stories like this, its like theres also a lack of examination and exploring that was found in earlier chapters but maybe thatll get coaxed out more, its a bit of that like naruto problem or star wars problem even like not much point in being like The Good Guys Are Actually Not But The Other side Is Morally Ambitious and Not Evil if youre like side evil eats babies and the good guys are heroes periodt like, well, whatever! waste my time

[dykeotomy]

Hi!! Hope work isn't making you too tired. I'll answer to the last ask you answered later cause it is a lot to touch on and I need to organize my thoughts better for that one (that's actually so exciting tho!! I feel like I'm actually making progress and challenging my views)

I'm sorry you were exposed to porn at a young age (I think most people who partly grew up online have been exposed to it early on which is a whole problem of its own) and it actually infuriates me so much that most leftist I know associate the term with ultra-religious-right-wing propaganda cause there are legit cases of people who just can't have a healthy sex life because of their porn addiction. Thing is porn involving violent kinks has nothing to do with the actual practice because well porn is never accurate.

Most of the kinky people I know actually recognise porn as a violent industry and understand the harm its done to young people and as far as I'm aware they do notice very easily when someone only knows kinks through porn because its so different from actual kink specially when it comes to the more violent ones because normally there is care put into it you check on the other person etc. Porn does affect your perception of sex but isn't the birth of violent kinks and it isn't misogynistic for a straight coulple to enjoy them.

On a different but still related note I feel that it's very possible for violent kinks to be an extension of a degradation kink (examples include women with misogyny kinks: simply an extension of degradation. men w misogyny kinks are to be kicked in the head tho)

So i think cnc its in the same category as ddlg: better for someome to pretend to be harming someone than to actually harm an unsuspecting victim. I truly believe that rapists have some kind of paraphilia like pedophiles do which can't just be swiped under a rug and needs serious treatment with a professional and while they work on that and get the help they need cnc and ddlg are temporary solutions or maybe a way to make it easier to transition to having a normal sex life that doesnt involve harming unconsenting people.*

As for other violent kinks (I am not usually the perpetrator so take this with a grain of salt) I think its more about pleasing your partner. You know they get sexual gratification from certain actions and that is what the dominant person in the situation likes more than inflicting pain. From my point of view that's just a means to an end.

It is true that these kinks have that more dangerous side of your brain associating pain with pleasure, but you can manage that and people have different ways to combat that association.

*Expanding on cnc, ddlg and the kind: while I (and most people) find those kinks to be gross immoral and unhealthy among other adjectives its not something that you can be forced into (assuming your relationship is healthy) both parties have to be into it and hey as long as it helps them in their own ways and they are respectful about it I dont really care. We have to be critical of the things we like and the communities we are in but we also have to undersy that private is private, and if something works for a couple we shouldn't go around shaming them for doing something in private they both consent to. Do I think ddlg/cnc/etc is disgusting? Yes. Is it my business? No and I dont want it to be -L.A.

hi! dw about me, i love answering these :) take your time on answering the last one—and i feel the same way! this convo is really helping me articulate my views better and understand why i think the way i think

i brought up porn addiction as a related topic to violent kinks, not because i think porn is the cause of them. in fact, i think this proves the inherent misogyny behind violent kinks, because men were getting sexual gratification from violence long before pornhub existed. there have been studies done that show the link between porn use and lack of empathy/tendency towards violence/misogyny. i’ll link a couple below

x / x / i also have some stuff on this in my male violence, sex industry, and kink critical tags; i’ll tag them on this ask so u can click on them if you want

the fact that porn isn’t accurate is exactly the problem. people watch this stuff and form unhealthy expectations around it. that’s how we get a culture obsessed with plastic surgery and hair removal and degradation and hook up culture etc etc etc

i’m having trouble understanding how it isn’t misogynistic for a man to get horny over beating and degrading his partner—i don’t think it’s okay just because she “consents.” i don’t think these kinks can be separated from the society that we live in: the society that socializes men to be violent and women to be subservient

i don’t think anyone with a fetish/kink for rape or pedophilia should be having sex with ANYONE. i understand that i can’t control other’s actions and i guess it is better than them actually committing rape or pedophilia but i believe these two specific fetishes to be mental illnesses and they need professional help, not sex. exposure to CNC and DDLG will simply affirm their fetish and continue teaching their brain to associate rape and pedophilia with sexual gratification.

i find myself wanting to go down the “not my relationship not my business” lane but honestly i can’t ignore the cultural impact that these relationships have. especially with the internet, access to information (and misinformation) about cnc and ddlg is so wildly accessible that anyone could stumble upon it, including minors, survivors of SA, and abusers. the bottom line is that individual actions can’t be separated from the society they are performed in

looking forward to hearing from you again :)

[melody-of-lost-souls]

THE LAST (what a waste of time)

These are, from my point of view, some inconsistences I found from this movie. Not a proper analysis, just my thoughts.

I dont know where to start but first with Naruto.

I have seen all the Shippuden Movies, from 1 -Death of Naruto , to this one number 7. Almost in all these movies there was a princess or a girl who will be his "companion" across the events of the movie. We had Shion, Amaru, also the Snow princess- movie 1 from Part 1- and etc. In all of them, Naruto had chemistry with them. Not an amazing relationship since we have short time, an 1 hour and half, but there wasn't this akwardness and discomfort around the female co-protagonist.

With Hinata this happened. The Naruto we saw here, it's completely different from the person and shining boy we see until 479. I know, 2 years passed but in Shippuden 3 years passed , and we saw the transition from a kid naruto -12 yo.- to a 15/6 y.o. boy entering in adolescence. Two different evolutive stages, and yet he was the same shingin boy we know; of course he matured AND HE MATURED WITH SO MUCH MORE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

There are many fact wrong in this movie. First, across the whole thing he looks almost desolated, very quiet and akward. Coy, someone who doesnt know how to interact with hinata despite the fact that across all the manga, he never had problems to deal and talk with her.

Anyway, then we have Sakura insulting, because that what she did, him and saying that maybe "he doesnt know what love is" and Naruto also nods, to don't know what Love is. We are talking about the same Naruto, at age of 12, who made Zabuza Momochi cry

Then we have Sai, saying that when Naruto was whispering Hinata's name in dreams, Sai heard his sentimental spot, he didn't know Naruto had. And It was helping. Again, we are talking about the same naruto who said this to Sai

And I could quote many other scenes but this will be too long.

Then it takes just 30 minutes from the start of the movie to Naruto to "realize" with a epiphany of Jesus, that he ...loves hinata. What I see here is a glimpse of guilt tripping.

Other Inconsistence. they had to make Naruto fall in a Genjutsu -which theorically jinchuriki can not!- in order to let him realize Hinata was in love with him. Also, with the experience of Game of thrones ( i know, i know 2 totally different things but) but with the last shitty season they used the same resource that it was used here. Spit all the facts in your face, again and again just in case you dont forget that naruto HAS to fall in love with Hinata. Because we have this forced scenes between them all the damn time, at the expense of a Naruto totally ooc who can not interact properly with a mate that he knows since genin times. Also we have this recurrent scene from the academy Days, which was never shown on the manga, about some Iruka's class always repeating the quote "Whom would you spend your last day on earth?" Also, they made us recall a love confession that happened ALMOST 3 YEARS AGO, pain's arc, in which Naruto was absolutely indifferent about it until 699.

And it's not even that in these 2 years between movie and anime finale, that we see some approachment and more development between them (same with SS) because IS IN THE MOVIE, in this like 2/3 days that movie events takes place, where Naruto """realizes""" about Hinata's feelings. He literally just took days xD And it's inconsistent because with Sasuke he toook YEARS to set his true feelings AND EVEN THO when Sasuke asked him what A FRIEND means to him? He didn't know how to put that in words.

Following this logic, if a """friend""" took him all this time, i can imagine how it would be with the love of your life.

Also, worth to mention. All the Moon-symbolism stolen from Sasuke's figure. Across the last arc of manga we had a strong portrayal of how Naruto and Sasuke were Sun and Moon respectively.

* Another inconsistence, Naruto doing the ShadowClone jutsu at that short age. Yes, he doesn't make them properly but they were better that what we have seen in Naruto Episode 1. Also, in this movie he did 2 clones, mini clones, but they were capable of speaking, moving, and they were identical to naruto, the only flaw was the size. In episode 1, what he made was a really bad-almost dead-copy

And now some really random stuff that when i was watching this, i thought for a moment this was like Dragon ball.

-Why the fuck they had to fight ON THE SURFACE OF THE MOON? This was IDENTICAL to that episode from Power Rangers Red Forever where all the red rangers fight on the moon surface in order to defeat the bad guy.

I know this is fiction, and we are in fictional world. But naruto never went that far to talk about astronomical phenomena such as "THE MOON IS FALLING IN PIECES AND METHEORS ARE FALLING FROM THE SKY" and we.. We plan on destroying the moon.

Yes, I remember Tsukuyomi Infinite and stuff, but this is very different and came out SP asses.

In conclusion, I think i'm forgetting some things but anyway. This is a bad movie, what a surprise, not JUST because of the ship -i mean yes jeje- but because of all the inconsistences, the out of characterization, the rush on making naruto fall in love with hinata at expenses of some guilt, akwardness, and in 30 fucking minutes.

For being the only Naruto canon movie, it's very poor. I could quote Bonds #2 movie, Naruto's Death #1, Last Tower #4, even Road to ninja, as better material with better plots than this one.

[vore-scientist]

Return of the Dragon King pt 1: Prison Break

[A non-sexual high fantasy GT/vore story with both hard/fatal+ other fantasy violence and safe/soft]

This story is a prose adaptation of an RP between @vixen525 and I. It takes place in one of her worlds and features mostly her characters.

Summary/Pitch: Separated from Sophia by the evil (and illegitimate) Prince Nero, Yonah must rescue his princess from Nero's devious clutches. With a collection of quirky fantasy characters as allies, Yonah aims to bring an end to Nero's reign and return the rightful heir to the throne.

But before that, he must escape from one of Nero’s prisons.

Story General Warnings: Return of the Dragon King overall will contain hard/fatal vore (in an intense fantasy violence style) along with soft/safe (the good stuff). Themes of abuse and torture as well. (There may be one instance of soft fatal that if I ever get that far I’ll warn for that specifically but it’s so far off from this it may never get written down)

Chapter Specific Warnings: This chapter contains all the story general warnings. This is NOT the chapter with soft/fatal. It’s hard only. It very much treads the line between hard vore and just standard fantasy violence. This part contains a very brief mention of attempted (and failed) sexual assault.

Onto the story:

----

For the 20th night in a row Yonah was replaying the moment in his mind, and like the 19 times before, this time was slightly worse than before.

It started with merriment, feasting, dancing, joking. Then transitioned to screaming, to blood, to Sophia being dragged away and him unable to stop it. And finally ended with waking up here, on a hard stone floor, in a room with no windows, with cold metal around his ankles and a chain attached to a back corner. With a terrible pounding in his head and an indescribable weight upon his core.

While he wondered why it had happened. Why this diplomatic mission to another world had been under false pretenses, however it wasn’t really worth dwelling on. He wasn't going to get answers here. All that he knew was he had failed. He had failed to protect Sophia. His charge. His friend. His princess. She was taken and he had let it happen!

After his 5th day in the prison cell he had given up trying to escape. Whatever that pressure was, pushing on his core, it stopped his magic. He had woken up without his robe, staff, and hat. For a normal wizard that would be a problem, but Yonah HaEsh was half FireWitch in addition to half giant. He had his own natural magic! Surely he could melt the cuffs and bars.

Nope. He could see the air shimmer with heat around his hands. He was generating magic, but it seemed to be… negated as soon as he tried to release it. All it succeeded in doing was make him tired. And hungry.

He was so hungry. The prison guards were giving him just enough food and water to stay alive for reasons that were beyond him. So he spent most of his time laying on the floor. Conserving his energy. For what purpose? For what event? None at all. He just hoped. And cried. Or at least tried to. His tears had long since dried up.

The screech of the prison bars sliding open grated upon his ears and he drew a harsh breath but did not give the guards the satisfaction of interacting with him. He had tried to rush at them a few times, just to have a little fun. But the chains weren’t long enough to let him reach the bars. All his antics got him was humiliation.

“Oy! Halfbreed Thing, you’re in luck,” came the voice of a nameless guard, “the warden decided to give you a treat tonight!”

Yonah didn’t respond. It was clearly sarcasm.

“He also said if you don’t eat up, you get nothing for a week!” And the door was closed again.

He still did not look. He had decided he wasn’t going to even touch what they had assumedly given him. It was probably poisoned, or drugged. Or both. He drew another breath.

That smell.

He finally looked. His heart racing. They wouldn’t… would they?

Standing with her back against the bars was a young woman with straight black hair, wearing a similar tattered outfit as himself. She must have been cold, and scared, but she was not shaking. Instead she stared right into his eyes. The fear in them was evident.

Now that his ears were no longer ringing he could hear her breathing. She was trying to calm down.

Apparently she succeeded. As she talked first.

"So... I guess they put you in here because you use magic too?" her voice was weak, and her accent thick upon his ears but he understood her well enough.

Yonah did not respond right away. Carefully he sat up, leaning against the back wall where his chains were connected, rattling them as they piled up.

“Well they certainly didn’t throw you in here so you could be my pet.” he snorted steam with his words, happy he could still do that much, and pleased him to see her concern at this display. So perhaps he could have some fun, even as her scent started to permeate his cell, leading his thoughts in another direction.

“No…” she answered, not moving any closer. “I doubt they’ve been feeding you well. I suspect they threw me in here in hope that you’d eat me.”

Yeah no shit. Had she heard the guard? Or was she too scared to listen. He had listened, even if he pretended otherwise.

“Being tossed a person to eat. How barbaric. Do they think I am some sort of feral animal?” His voice was hoarse with dehydration, and conflict. For he was considering eating her. Yonah HaEsh, despite being half giant, was not above eating smallfolk, if necessary. And she certainly smelled…delectable.

She shook her head “Many giants wouldn't hesitate if hungry enough… They may be normally polite to smaller folk but when half starved? All bets are off”

Yonah nodded, “I suppose so… Though I am only half giant.” He couldn't do more than suppose, as he did not know anything about giants of this world, though he remembered seeing one at Prince Nero’s castle. A little less than twice as tall as his own mother, and his mother was over 40ft tall! What he did know was that giants in his world would be tempted just like him, and while they were also normally polite… ish… their own survival was more important than the life of someone they did not know.

So why was he holding back? Well for one thing, she was out of reach. For another… He did not like the idea of being fed a person, it was insulting. The idea was nearly offensive enough to scare his hunger away. Nearly.

“Why you?” he hissed. Trying to chase away the remaining offensive thoughts. The mental images of grabbing her, sinking his fangs into her soft tasty flesh, and using his jaws and hands to rip her apart. The thoughts of how delicious it would be to finally satiate his hunger properly for the first time in weeks.

It took her a long minute to answer “I… keep escaping. I got out the door this time, nearly made it to the outer wall.”

“Ohhhh, curious” he breathed out, glad his ‘treat’ turned out to be interesting enough to distract his thoughts with. “You do not look like an escape artist. Or are you of hidden talents?”

She shook her head “The magic they use to… nullify the magic of others… doesn’t work on me. And my own magic doesnt like that im captive and kept… helping me escape”

Ohhhhh fascinating. He did not say out loud this time. “Sounds like you are a handful. Though perhaps you are rather, a mouthful. Or two in my case.” he smiled with all his fangs.

She swallowed nervously “Y-yes”

“Why don’t they just kill you? Are you important?”

She shook her head again “They are waiting for the execution order. That’s… why I’m here.”

“What do you mean by that?”

She took a breath. “If another prisoner kills me… they don’t lose their capital funding for executing a prisoner without the proper paperwork…”

“That’s where I come in” and he snarled “I don’t like being used as a tool. And I don't really want to eat you”

She nodded “That’s… good”

“But I am hungry.”

“Oh…”

“Why are you in this prison?”

She looked away. “I… killed someone. With magic.”

More fascinating by the second. “Why, would you do that.”

It was an obvious struggle for her to answer “It wasn’t… it wasn’t intentional. He pinned me up against a wall and started tearing off my clothes. My magic just... reacted. The next thing I knew he was dead”

Yonah snorted again “Should have been intentional!”

“I haven't had any formal training! My magic just happens!”

“Shame” he sighed. “Do you know why I am here?” he asked, changing the subject.

“You’re… a mage. A rogue one. Like I am.”

That was new to him, “A rogue mage?”

“Practicing magic is highly regulated, don’t you know?”

“No.” Yonah saw that made her very confused “I am not of this world”

She seemed to accept this easily. This world seemed to be more comfortable with the idea of other worlds than his own, which had only started to make contact with new realities. He had also decided she didnt need to know his story yet. For he had not made up his mind on keeping her alive, or eating her. If he ate her, then it would have been a waste of breath to tell his own tale of woe.

He tugged on his chains to pile them up and keep them from getting tangled. And for the next few minutes he occupied himself with this task.

“They stop-”

Yonah looked at her so fast his neck cricked. She started again.

“They stopped using shackles on me because the chains kept breaking. Perhaps I could” she took a single step forward, and seeing that Yonah did not react, took another. “I’m sure you would appreciate more freedom of movement.” She took another step.

“Well not all of us are so damn talented now are we?!” he growled. She took two steps back.

“Im trying to help you! Maybe I can figure out how to get it to work on you too!”

“A self proclaimed untrained mage!” he spat “and why would you help a monster like me?”

For as much as he wanted to be civil, he was also a monster. And as much as he tried to fight the temptation to be monstrous, he did not know if he could succeed.

“It wasn’t being a monster that got you in trouble! It was magic.”

She sounded very sure of that.

Yonah snorted “That is your own assumption”, and turned around to lay his head on the chains, facing the corner.

After a few minutes he heard her soft footsteps, and he craned his neck to look. She had gotten a lot closer than he expected and was reaching for his chains. She was clearly in the mood to help him. Unfortunately he was in a mood to play with his would be treat instead, and he did not have any confidence that she could help, so why not have fun.

“Are you sure that’s wise little morsel?” he sighed with a fanged smile.

Amazingly she did not back up but touched chains by his ankles.

“No. But sooner or later they will get the execution order signed. So my odds of survival are shit. But they are better if I free you.”

Yonah made his eyes glow with what fire he had left “Are they better? You said you were untrained.”

She looked embarrassed, “I’m hoping I can practice on these chains of yours. My magic does disable the nullification. We can work together to get out.”

“Untested magic is dangerous” yonah growled “Maybe I should just eat you!” he snapped his teeth.

Still she did not leave. Instead she stood up and glared at him “So what? I die and you survive another week until the next council meeting and your execution is approved?”

Yonah narrowed his eyes “Maybe I dont care about that anymore.” but he does not move either. “You dont know why im truly here. Maybe I deserve this!”

His fiery eyes still on hers, she retaliated “I dont care if you do! I need to get free, and I cant on my own. You want to be free to dont you? If I can use my magic, I can break these chains, disable the anti-magic on this room, save us both!”

Yonah rolled his eyes, losing their staring contest. He did not stop her from continuing her investigations of the chains. But his mind wandered, until he exclaimed.

“Maybe you’re a plant! Instead of using me to kill you, you’re here to kill me!” he jerked the chains away from her.

“I’m unarmed!” she insisted and scrambled forwards to maintain contact with the metal.

“You said they cannot chain you, that their anti-magic shit doesnt work on you, so yours does work, and it’s killed someone before!” He knew that this new panic was not helping him in the slightest, and yet he did not care.

“Most of my magic isn’t working! I just somehow break chains and disable the magic nullification! I don’t know how it works or how to activate it! But the fact I can means they want me dead so they stop having to catch me! And magic isn’t allowed and I definitely don’t have the indicator that I have special permission, those are super obvious.”

Yonah blinked “Could be lies! You could be spitting lies! Permission to use magic. How ridiculous”

“Everyone knows that the few legal mages have face tattoos to make them obvious”

Yonah breathed steam again and finally she backed away from the painful heat. “I dont! I don’t know anything about this world! You could say anything and I wouldn’t know if it was truth or lies!”

“Oh… right” she looked at her feet “You aren't from this world. That must suck as much as my own problems with my memory…”

She rambled a little more about how she was definitely a prisoner, it was obvious from her malnutrition, and that despite not being able to be kept in chains she had marks on her wrists and ankles from the failed attempts.

But Yonah was not listening anymore. Once again he turned away and was trying to cry himself to sleep.

So she took the opportunity to touch the chains near his ankles again.

“Careful now!” he hissed without looking at her. “You don’t want to get burned” Hearing her yelp as she touched the chains, which he had put his mind to pumping his fire into. Maybe he couldn’t melt them, but he could make them painful to touch.

He heard her curse, and then the chains rustled again as she grit her teeth and grasped the half giant sized links, whining in pain and holding back tears. 3 seconds were all she could manage before she had to stumble back, sitting on the ground and blowing on her burnt hands.

Yonah sat up and looked at the chains. He did not let his face show any surprise as he found rust and cracks that had not been there before.

“Wow. It didnt work. Big fucking surprise, some help you were, but I guess you were telling the truth about being being put here for me to eat.” he lay back down. “Maybe I’ll do that in the morning.”

Suddenly the pain in her hands was not as important as what the half giant had said.

“It started to work! But I couldnt hold on long enough!” she wailed, “I tried! I really tried, to help you’re sorry ass!”

“And you FAILED” he snorted back.

“Only temporarily!” she insisted

“And look where it got me. Nowhere. I’m going to sleep”

“If the chains were just a little cooler! Then maybe-”

“I told you to be careful. You have only yourself to blame for your failures and your injuries” he stated, fully aware it was his fault. And that he was sabotaging himself. And yet he couldn't stop himself.

“I was trying to help you. You don’t have to be so rude. We are stuck in the same situation and I am trying to make a difference.”

“I dont have to be polite either. Now you’re the one being rude, keeping me awake”

She crossed her arms in defiance of her own fear “You’re kind of an asshole. I thought maybe we could work together to escape but apparently you’d rather stay and be executed.” She stood up, glancing at her hands, “Guess I’ll just try to figure out how to disable the nullification and escape without you if you really are that opposed to working together.” She turned and walked back to the cell bars before sitting down again.

Yonah looked away, no longer amused by her company, for he was too tired, and too hungry, too angry. Mostly at himself for heating up the chains.

Of course, he couldn't sleep, even though he wanted to do so. After about 10 minutes he glanced at the human, who was making hand motions at the bars. He could just barely feel the sparks of magic failing to become embers at her will.

That got boring really quickly, and he noticed that, unlike earlier, she was shivering. Not with fear…

“You’re wasting your time, little one”

She gasped and jumped from her sitting position, nearly toppling over. He was not asleep like she had assumed. And now he was staring at her with those glowing eyes again, full of fire and hunger.

“I am not giving up” she yawned and shook even worse, “I have no desire to be executed, not by the prince, and not by you!”

Yonah’s eyes dimmed with compassion, “You can try again in the morning. You keep this up and you’re going to freeze to death”

To his surprise she snarled at him, “What do you care!? You obviously arent worried about execution, and I dont have much else to do at the moment!”

Yonah rolled his eyes “Do you want a warm place to sleep or not? I’m only offering once. Can’t imagine you’ve had a warm bed in a while”

“I- what?” she paused, processing what he said, “Warmth… sounds wonderful… But you talked about eating me in the morning!” so she did not step near him.

“I said maybe. So you don't have to worry about it until then” He considers for a moment “I’m still making up my mind. I dont want to be used as an execution method, but I am starving. However” he yawned, his fangs looking larger than before, “I promise not to eat you tonight, and I am very warm if you want to sleep in my arms.”

“This room is absolutely freezing…” she admitted, “But I dont like the idea of you waking up before me to have a snack!”

She still looked hesitant so he added “Tiddles won’t be able to bring anything with you still visibly uneaten”

Now her fear was replaced almost entirely with confusion “Tiddles?”

“One of the little guards who did this to us. Sneaks me food most nights. If he comes tonight, I promise that I will let you try again, in the morning, to break the chains, before I resume considering whether or not to eat you. How does that sound?”

“How… likely is this Tiddles to show up?”

“He appears most nights, but not the last, and he never skips more than one night in a row.”

“How about you promise to let me try again, regardless of if Tiddles shows up!” she was not about to take such a chance.

Yonah scrunched up his face “Fine.”

“Alright, that’s much better.” she took a step towards him again “It means you have to let me go, and you wont think about eating me until after I get to genuinely try to free us”

“If you’re not tucked out of sight soon, I dont get fed, and I’ll have have a much harder time not thinking about it” he threatened “Tiddles can’t claim he thought I ate you if you’re standing alive at the front of the cage!”

A few more steps, she was almost within reach… “Fine… I guess… I just want to try a couple more times, it will be quick”

His patience waring thin he made his eyes flash “but I want to sleep, and to get fed”

“It will only take a moment!” she stopped just out of reach.

“Tiddles often manages to get me an entire barrel of crap! I’ll be willing to share” his mind now on the food, he couldnt think of much else.

“Im starting to figure it out though”

Why was she so insistent! This was not the time! “You’re tired, and cold, and hungry. You try any more magic and you’ll just pass out.”

He had gotten to his knees but he deflated a bit, lowering down into a position not unlike a crouching dragon “So I offer one more time than I said I would. A warm place to sleep. A proper meal. Or you refuse, and I get angrier, I get hungrier, and you stay cold and my only option for dinner”

She hesitated and finally sighs, “You are probably right... I just got so close to escaping today... I was gonna use a wind spell to blast open all the doors when one of them tackled me...” She took the step forward that got her within reach, and Yonah slowly reached around her, stopping her rambles. “But maybe after a rest I’ll have better success”

Having held back long enough, yonah scooped her up and returned to his corner to curl around his new teddy bear, thin and cold as it was. In contrast, his own embrace is soft, pillow-like even. And warm. So very very warm. She tensed in his grip for only a moment before calming down and closing her eyes with a deep sigh.

“By the way, I didnt introduce myself. My name is Savina”

Not resisting the urge, Yonah nuzzled her with his face, his normally neatly trimed facial hair overgrown and tangled and in need of a wash. He was drinking in her scent, even if he was resisting getting a taste, “I didn’t introduce myself either. Now shut up or I’ll put your head in my mouth to shut you up. I hear Tiddles”

As he was facing the back wall, it appeared as if he was alone in his cell, as the footsteps got closer, along with scraping noise and soon, a jingling of keys. Unlike earlier, the screech of the door opening was not so bad, knowing what it meant.

“You awake big guy? Damn this thing is so heavy… I managed to get a lot of scraps so it’s not mostly water this time! Probably tastes just as bad as all the rest, worse since I couldn’t sneak any salt in... but better than nothing right?”

The only response Tiddles got was a slight movement of Yonah’s head. His bushy mane of unkempt black hair shifting. Then two orange lights appeared. The giant's eyes locked on him with anticipation and hatred.

The guard, Tiddles, who couldn't have been older than 20, dragged a barrel within reach of Yonah, though the prisoner did not make any move.

“The others were laughing earlier about how you got a decent meal tonight… but I dont see any plate. Not surprised it was a lie. Im sorry again that this is not seasoned. But…” He left and returned before Yonah could investigate the food. Holding a large sack, the smell coming from which made yonah take a very intense breath.

“I did bring these… They were going to be used to torture other prisoners. Tested them on me. Just one bite and I thought my tongue would burn up in my own mouth, I drank so much water I thought I would throw up. But maybe it’s not as intense for giants!”

Through his dehydration Yonah started to drool, the spicy smell of the hot peppers filling his half FireWitch brain.

The display of hunger caused Tiddles to freeze up a moment “Um… I’ll take that as a yes to these. Great Goddess they make my eyes water!” he set the sack down and went to the other back corner where an empty barrel was on it’s side.

“I’ll take this one, yes?” Tiddles didn’t wait for an answer but said “you’re… not as talkative tonight. Usually you threaten-joke about eating me along with the slop. You alright?”

As soon as Tiddles had moved away from the full Barrel and sack of peppers, Yonah Sat up and scooted over with one hand. Revealing the reason he was not talking. Savina was tucked into his elbow, having fallen asleep.

Tiddles seemed briefly transfixed by the woman. If yonah had to describe the expression the closest would be reverence. Before cringing away.

“That’s what they meant by a good meal!?” He shook off his surprise “what a load of dragon crap. You’re not some feral animal”

Yonah didnt respond to this continued attempt to bond with him as he dragged the barrel back to his corner and stuck his finger in, building up his fire to warm up the cold scraps and water. Tiddles made no more small talk and left him to his pitiful “meal”.

Once the contents of the barrel started to steam, Yonah nudged Savina awake. She was not happy about that.

“I was actually sleeping well, what the fuck”

Yonah set her on his lap, the barrel in front of them both. “If you dont eat some of this now, I’ll eat all of it. You wont get a single drop, but if you eat now, you wont make a dent in it noticeable to me”

She nodded, understanding, and put her hands into the barrel. Yelping in pain as the hot slop made contact with her burnt hands.

Grumbling about how she was an idiot, yonah rummaged around in his chain pile for a flat piece of metal. It was a band from a previous barrel that he had broken. That was the only time he had gotten an earful from Tiddles about how if he continued to do that, Tiddles wouldnt be able to sneak him more food. He was able, with some effort, to heat it, pinch it, and bite it into a sort of ladle, which he used to scoop up the scrap soup and hold it to Savina who was very grateful.

Even with his encouragement she ate very little. Yonah had no idea how long she’d been here, but it was likely longer than himself, and it was very probable that her stomach had shrunken, so he eventually gave into his own hunger and stopped trying to get her to eat more and let her slump against his middle and fall back to sleep.

But before he ate any of it he took the peppers out of the sack and crushed them into the prison soup. It took all his self control not to just eat the peppers straight up. So he rewarded himself by licking the juice from his fingers.

He would have downed the contents of the barrel like a shot but resisted as it would have wasted all his patience preparing it for better taste. And even if it was literal scraps in unsalted water, hunger was the best seasoning. And the peppers, made this the best thing he’d tasted in the time since he woke up in this cell.

It made it much easier to not think about eating the woman in his lap as he too lay down to fall asleep.

---

He woke first, and during the hours of the night his stomach had become rather empty again. Though he kept his promise and resisted thinking about eating her. He did not, however, resist tasting her; he never made a promise involving tasting.

“NO!” she yelped and sputtered as he licked her face like a very large dog waking up it’s owner, clearly convinced he was going to eat her, panicking.

He stopped licking her, But he was not listening to her protests. The moment she yelled the world felt lighter. He felt… no, no time to dwell. He tossed Savina aside and focused on generating a lot of fire into his ankle cuffs. It wasnt enough to melt them, but it was enough to make them soft. Soft enough that he could pull and stretch them and get free.

And then the feeling was gone. Back to that soul crushing feeling that had been ever present, as if it was never gone.

“What did you DO?” he snarled as he rubbed his freed ankles, which were red and raw from the previously tight metal cuffs.

Savina got up, looking frazzled with one side of her hair sticking up and out at odd angles due to half-giant spit. “What I was trying to do last night! Hey!”

Yonah crawled to her and picked her up, putting his face close to hers to demand, rather loudly “Do it AGAIN”

Defiantly she took his gaze and his rank breath “I wish I could! Like I said before, and like you just saw, I can’t do this on purpose! It just happens!”

In a rage his eyes flash and he bares his teeth “Fucking useless!”. His urge to throw her against the wall lost out to his being touch starved and instead he sat back down to hold her just a little too tight.

He did not fail to notice that a small hint of the relief of pressure occurred when she gasped at his moment of rage.

“So. Did that count as your morning try? Should I start considering whether or not to eat you again?”

She stiffened in his grasp “that wasn’t intentional! But doesn’t it prove what I was saying, that I am too useful to consider eating, that with practice I can succeed?”

“I already got my legs free. I can reach the bars now. Reckon i can try smashing them… and if I eat you i may have the strength to do it” he huffed. With a small amount of food and a night’s sleep, what he had was the energy to be a massive dickhead again. “So you would be helping me.”

“Those bars are heavily reinforced with the prison magic! They’ve kept giants bigger than you in this prison!”

“I’d still like to try, so you’re lucky I want company more than a proper meal right now,” he chuckled against her. She was so skinny she wouldn't even be a proper meal, maybe half of one.

“Please let me try again later to disable the nullification. Then we can both get out and get decent food” she sounded both desperate and angry.

“I know exactly what I’m eating if I get out” his eyes flashed again and he licked his lips.

Savina shuddered but did not sound disgusted when she said “i think i have an idea of what… or who… that might be”

“So, are you going to try again or what?” Yonah was getting impatient.

“Will you be ready to break down the bars when the magic reinforcement is gone?” she asked.

Yonah backed up against the wall, bracing himself so he could charge. If she succeeded.

Savina went to the front of the cell, grasped the bars and closed her eyes, muttering. Occasionally she let go and made hand gestures.

Nothing.

Maybe she needed encouragement. Yonah growled at her. Low and threatening. Savina stiffened and he felt the pressure lift, very slightly, very briefly.

“Get on with it!” he hissed.

“I’m trying!” she shot back, walking to the center of the cell, it didnt seem to matter where she was.

Then she screamed, her whole body hitting the ground as suddenly Yonah was on top of her, having pinned her under a hand. He snarled in her face “Maybe I should just eat you then! At least my last meal will be a tasty one!”

This succeeded in having the desired effect. Whatever the nullification was, it lifted. However he could feel it coming back.

“NO! I’m trying, give me one more chance, I know I can do it!”

He was not listening to her. He had confirmed his theory. Without hesitation he took her left arm in his jaws. She started crying and screaming, Pushing at his face to pull away. “Stop Stop! You’re hurting me!” Her voice was shrill.

/That’s the idea/ he thought.

With a sickening CRUNCH and a shriek, it was Yonah’s turn to be thrown, against the wall.

Not that he cared. Not one bit.

The magical nullification was gone.

From the entire prison. With no signs of coming back.

Keeping his promise not to eat her, and extending that promise to any part of her, Yonah crawled over to Savina and opened his jaws to release the nearly severed arm, along with at least a gallon of bloody drool. Savina just sobbed. Hmmm she could bleed out. That would also be counter to his promise, in spirit, if not in word. He rubbed a thumb and finger together until they were red hot and pressed the tip of the finger to her shoulder.

The scent of burning flesh filled the air as he cauterized her wound. But there were more important things to take care of now.

Fueled by adrenaline, hunger, and literal fire in his veins, yonah gripped his prison bars, making them red hot. In a few moments he wrenched them apart and he was out. He barely noticed the flash of light behind him as he stepped out of his cage.

The alarms hadn't even started ringing by the time he ran into the first unfortunate guard.

----

It was the alarm bells that brought Savina back to earth. She sat up, and blanched as a sticky arm rolled off her chest and into her lap. She was still covered in blood but the wound had sealed. For all her lost memory she did recall something very important. She should keep her arm. Holding it kept her from trying to touch her shoulder. She had never experienced anything so painful in her life-

No… wait. She had experienced something more painful… Now her head throbbed too! Nevermind any of this! She had to find the half giant mage, he was her ticket out. Even with the magic nullification gone, she wouldn’t get far drained of her own magic and severely injured.

It wasn’t hard to find him. All she had to do was follow the trail of carnage and busted cell doors.

The first guard she found had no head, and a chunk of a shoulder missing. Blood pooled on the ground from the massive bite. Hmmmm. He had a nice sword. Putting her arm down momentarily, She took the sword and a belt to sheath it. It was a bit tricky to get the belt off the person and onto herself but she managed. Before she took her arm off the ground and continued on, not caring to avoid stepping in the blood. .

More dead guards lined the halls as she progressed. Most of them were missing their heads, some of them burned to a crisp. But many were only missing their limbs, or had a bite taken out of the side. Some of those were still living. One in particular had been bitten from the hips down, their guts spilling out onto the floor. She decided not to use her sword to put them out of their misery. Her excuse being that it would be too much effort to put her arm down every time.

Finally she caught up to the large mage. He was in one of the storage rooms where the more dangerous items confiscated from mages were kept. He was ransacking it, shoveling items into something, but finished as she entered and stood up, putting a hat on his head. If he wasn’t so large and didn’t have such a distinct physique, she might not have recognized him.

Dressed in a stunning outfit of mostly blues and golds, with a massive wide brimmed pointed hat to match, his hair now shining and tied back in a segmented pony tail, standing up to his full height and holding a majestic wooden staff, the once brutish creature from the cell was looking more like a person. Except for the fire in his eyes and blood and viscera hanging from his jaws.

With misplaced confidence she walked right up to Yonah and holding the shoulder end of the severed arm she swung to smack him in the ankle. He had on boots now and she wasnt sure he felt that until he looked down at her.

“You FUCKING ASSHOLE!” She bellowed “You TORE my arm off! Why would you do that?!”

He looked at her angry and quizzically “The anti-magic field is gone. It worked.”

She did not back away from his gaze, since he was not currently trying to eat her she figured he wasn’t going to. Clearly he had not hesitated with the guards. She waved the arm around in frustration "you didnt have to BITE IT OFF"

Yonah crouched down to snarl “Clearly I did. You weren’t in enough… danger to disable the field. I’m rather clever you know.” Without asking he scooped her up to hold her up to his face with a cheeky, blood stained grin, “After you told the story of your assault, I started to put the pieces together. Mortal peril seems to do the trick nicely”

“I still dont think you needed TO BITE MY ARM OFF,” she repeated.

Once again she used the severed arm to slap him, now in the face.

He blinked in a kind of shock and then bared his teeth “I think you’ve lost your arm privileges”

His first instinct was to get the wrist between his teeth and gulp the arm down. But… he still felt like he should keep his promise. And now that his belly was half filled with chunks of prison guard he could think clearer.

“WHAT THE FUCK YOU BASTARD!”

Savina shrieked as the giant man pinched her arm, the severed arm, plucking it from her weak grasp. His eyes flashed and it was lit up like a match.

Lost for words she watched as her arm burned into ash before her very eyes, the giant man grinning once again.

Now she was shaking with rage “I COULD HAVE RE-ATTACHED THAT”

His grin became a scowl “How in this reality was I supposed to know that?”

“Weren't you listening, you didnt even need to bite it off in the first place! My magic was starting to work!”

He talked as he placed her onto his shoulder, securing her to the harness he had found with his belongings.

“Didn’t I? We dont know that. Guess we will have to experiment later” he smiled wickedly, marching out of the room “But right now, I’m still hungry and there’s still more guards left alive.”

As he said this a guard rushed around the corner with a crossbow and fired. Yonah, having heard the footsteps just jerked his staff and the bolt exploded. He snatched up the guard, put the poor fucker’s head in his mouth and bit down, while pulling the body away. The sound was similar to when he’d bitten her arm, and blood spurted from the neck onto his face, and Savina’s entire person.

Yonah swallowed the head and tossed the body aside “I can’t eat them all at my size even if I only eat pieces. I can burn them, or crush them” he explained as yet another guard appeared which he simply squashed by slamming his staff down upon, “but I think we need some help. The human prisoners do not seem so eager to get back at their tormentors as I had thought.”

“They are running away from you. If you weren’t on a massacre they would probably be taking the advantage to riot and get revenge.”

“So we need more monsters.”

As he continued through the prison he broke every occupied cell, letting the prisoners run, and killing every guard with an intense savagery. But the most horrific thing, in Savina’s opinion, was when he picked up whole and alive guards and tossed them into his hat.

Eventually he broke into a cell and the prisoner inside did not immediately cower or run, but stood up, eyes reflecting in the darkness. A tall pale man with dark hair smiled with sharp fangs.

“That’s a vampire!” Savina informed him. The vampire bowed.

“A very blood starved vampire, and I could smell the flood coming from the other side of the prison, yet I was too weak to break myself free once I felt the magic nullification just, go away. Was that you?” he stared at Savina, not Yonah.

Savina gingerly touched the raw, burned flesh of her shoulder and looked very annoyed, “Yes. it was me.”

“I’m going to feast now, as I see you have been doing, mysteriously small giant”

“Don’t fill up on the ones I’ve killed, take out the ones still alive” Yonah instructed.

“Wise words,” said the vampire, “though I will take a little of this one, just to gain back my strength.”

Before leaving yonah sniffed at the vampire. Then reached up into his hat and pulled out a fancy, though sadly wrinkled and dirtied, suit. And tossed it at the vampire.

“Smells like you”

The vampire stood up from taking a drink of blood from the guard who Yonah had decided to merely kick against a wall.

“My clothes! You are a gentleman monster!” And with a snap of his fingers swapped out his prison outfit for his old one. “I feel more like myself already!”

Done with the small talk, Yonah moved on. It was time to get out of this place, with hopefully minimal distractions. He would still make a snack, a charred corpse, or a bloody pulp out of any guard he came across.

But it was only a few cells later that again, the prisoner did not immediately scream or flee. Yonah could sense a very eerie magical aura from her, she was pale like the vampire but he suspected she was not one. She smiled at him like the vampire but her teeth were flat.

“My dear emancipator, did you come across a spider necklace during your rampage? I would very much like to have it back.”

That was odd enough that Yonah decided not to ignore it and instead reach into his hat. He did not recall a spider necklace so he could only think the words. An object indeed fell into his hand. Which he tossed to the woman who squealed like a giddy teenager as she caught it.

Putting it on she rubbed the shining black thorax of the obsidian spider inlaid on the silver medallion.

That eerie aura from before increased 100 fold, followed by the chittering, skittering, buzzing of millions of tiny legs and wings. Unlike Yonah’s cell, this woman’s had a window. And through it marched or flew an unimaginable number of insects and arachnids.

Yonah took a step back. But the plaque of bugs was swarming into the prison from every window, every crevice, every crack in the wall, every broken pipe.

“My children will clean out this place” she giggled, though it was closer to a witch’s cackle.

Yonah backed away from her. Deciding that it was now time to leave this wretched place, confident the bugs could take care of the rest. It was by her merciful magic that the bugs avoided him entirely, and seemed to be able to scramble away from his footsteps even as he started down the corridor.

Ah, another guard, coming out of a nearby door, a good distraction from the creepy crawlies. He rushed and shoved the guard up to their torso into his mouth and got ready to bite down. As the ribs started to crack between his teeth the taste of this guard matched up to a familiar smell.

Releasing his jaws he held a gasping, screaming Tiddles.

“If you dont want that one, my babies will happily take him!” The bug witch called from behind him.

Ignoring the creepy aura yonah wheeled around snarling “He’s MINE” and he secured the flailing young man to his shoulder.

“Suit yourself” said the witch, “but he seems to not like you very much, and I am not overly fond of him myself”

Tiddles was indeed trying to free himself, earning him a swift flick to the head. “Probably hurts with those broken ribs to struggle like that, little one. I will keep you safe.”

Without another word Yonah turned back. Enough of this. He pointed his staff at the wall and blasted a hole through, stepping outside. Still in the walled compound he did not take a fresh breath of freedom just yet. He ran for the walls.

Arrows and crossbow bolts rained down at him. Fine. It was time for some big magic. Yonah stopped and took his staff, raising it into the air he found in it the perfect spell. He swirled it around and chanted. The morning sky, which was clear, crackled, and a swirling storm cloud gathered overhead.

The guards on the ramparts screamed as bolts of lightning struck them, leaving Yonah free to take down a section of wall and flee into the forested mountains.

It was after he had been half running half jogging for 15 minutes that he stopped and sat down against a cool boulder shaded by the trees. Or rather he nearly collapsed. One big gorey feast after weeks of starvation would not immediately restore him. That would take time. He had been running on the reserves of his magic, adrenaline, and a bloodlust.

The moment he closed his eyes to rest however, he felt Tiddles renew his struggling.

“Why do you keep this up” Yonah mumbled, not looking at Tiddles, but feeling him freeze.

“I dont want to die!” the young man squeaked. “I saw you eat the other guards!”

“Well then aren’t you in luck that I filled up on them? I had enough to be satisfied for a while.”

That did not calm Tiddles down any more, the struggling was back “You kept me as leftovers!” he shrieked.

“Naw” Yonah said and reached into his hat to draw out an intact, but dead, guard, “I already did that.”

He felt Tiddles faint at that declaration. This did not bring Yonah any joy, as Tiddles’ terror had done before. Being so full Yonah just returned the corpse to the pocket space that was his wizard hat.

“So, where to now?” Savina said after five minutes “We need to get going, surely someone will try to follow! There is more than one shift of guards and they will be looking for all the escaped prisoners, especially you, who was responsible!”

“I think the bug witch will make sure no one does” yonah said, though it was more likely that at least one idiot would manage to slip away. “But I am tired, We need to find a cave or something to hide out in to recoup my… I mean our strength”

“I can help with that”

As if on cue the bug witch stepped out from behind a tree. Yonah eyed her suspiciously. Savina was too hurt and too exhausted to do the same.

“Oh really? And why would you?”

She just laughed “You saved me? And you returned my amulet to me! I owe you big time. By the way, you look just awful. Would you like my children to clean you up?”

“What do you mean?”

Before she answered there was more buzzing in the air as wasps swarmed around her “these little gals are very efficient! I promise they will not sting”

“They cannot hurt my humans either!” he said, nervous about what was about to happen.

“Of course”

He still held his breath as the wasped charged at him and his companions. Savina screamed as well before she smartly held her breath too. Tiddles was the luckiest, unconscious for the whole thing.

It was over in just a minute, thank the gods, as Yonah would have to take a breath. Still, he sneezed and a few bugs flew out. Savina was breathing heavily.

“So, bug witch,”

“Cait!”

“Cait… What’s a nearby place for a big monster to get some rest?”

The woman considered “Hmm… The woods that way are decent. Bears will be scared off by you. Humans should leave you alone. There’s a cave in those woods if you want extra shelter. I want to get back to my home but I can have one of my babies guide you there”

“That would be much appreciated” Yonah focused and gathered up more strength to stand up. And then froze in place as the largest drider he had ever seen came into sight.

“Babe!” he called, ignoring yonah and scooping up the witch into a hug that transitioned into messy kisses.

“I got out of the prison!” she declared, “this nice big fellow helped me! Got my amulet!”

The Drider was a full head taller than Yonah and eyed him over with all 8 eyes before nodding. From between all of his feet a smaller, but large dog sized tarantula, scampered up to Yonah.

“Charlie here will lead you to shelter!” said Cait, “Now I haven't been home in a long time”

And with that, the witch and the drider left.

Charlie made a hissing sound while scraping her feet on a rock to get Yonah’s attention. She led Yonah to a large rocky incline and eventually to the mouth of a cave.It was large enough that if he crawled, he could get in. Which he did without hesitating.

The cave was larger in the inside and he probably could have stood up but he stayed sitting.

The spider stayed at the entrance of the cave, made a little dance, and then disappeared.

“Seems safe enough…” Yonah said. He unharnessed Savina so she could sit in his lap. “Guess what, I was lucid enough during my rampage that I picked up food that wasn’t dead guards!” and from his hat he got out some bread and cheese, and even a barrel of water.

“Um… no thanks” she said.

“You must eat, Savina”

“Im too nauseated from the pain.”

She did look a little green now that she said it.

“I have a healing potion… it should numb the pain a bit.” This he took from a sleeve. A small vial. Just a single ounce. It was like a grain of rice in his palm “It will even help with your shoulder, to at least regrow the flesh around it and stop infection”

She took it, and still looking like putting anything in her mouth would make her vomit, she downed it like a shot.

30 seconds later she felt much better. Or at least, felt less pain… She still felt like complete shit. But took the food with her good arm and started eating.

“I dont know why you brought him along…” she said, referring to Tiddles through a mouthful of bread.

“I doubt someone as kind as him works at an evil prison if he has a happy home to return to. Plus if i had let him go.. The other prisoners might not have been so kind to him. He was still a guard.” Yonah yawned, “Fuck. Im tired. Didnt we just wake up like, an hour ago?” he asked.

“Sure but you just broke a prison” Savina pointed out.

“I did… didn’t I…” Yonah tried to lay down but found that didn’t work with Tiddles on his shoulder. So he resigned himself to sleeping upright for now.

Still half starved, Savina did not manage to eat much. So yonah put the food back. He found a outcrop of rock that he could lean against and put an arm protectively in front of Savina. She put her own remaining arm over his. And they both fell asleep at the same time.

Even through the exhaustion of his over half a month in prison, and the torpor his kind got from a full belly, Yonah HaEsh heard the quiet footsteps of someone entering the cave.

Yet his brain was still slow to react. He opened his eyes and stared down.

Kneeling in his lap, holding Savina’s arm to his fanged mouth, moments away from biting down, was the vampire.

----

[FIN]

UHHHH thanks for reading. If you liked this please let me know. If this fits your blog theme please reblog it!

I hope you enjoyed this. and I hope to have more of it for you in the future. lots more adventure to come!

[vampthropologist]

Ultimate Luck 🍀 Nagito Komaeda

Here’s my Nagito HC design! Full details under cut because I wrote a LOT

EDIT: I forgot to add that he’s autistic

HC Details/Additions:

Intersex- Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (basically mostly feminine body with undeveloped masculine reproductive system and a feminine reproductive system coexisting)

Raised female, but transitioned as young teen. Has not had too surgery, has a small chest and no dysphoria about them but might get it just out of convenience.

Genderfluid transmasc (neoboy usually)

Gay

Ectomorph - Meaning he is extremely lean with little muscle mass. He could eat as much as he wants but his body struggles keeping the wait. It doesn’t help that he simply doesn’t eat that much, to the point of sometimes only eating once a day (Much to everyone’s dismay)

Small chest, slightly larger hips and butt, little muscle, and sickly skinny

Can‘t catch a tan to save his life, but also doesn’t sunburn very easily. He might get some freckles though! They just fade when he’s not outside constantly.

Has asthma, though it’s not as bad as it could be because he took immunotherapy as a kid which helped with allergies. He forgets his inhaler a lot.

Autistic- He stims with his hands a lot, and rubs his patches (different textures). He also verbally stims, but he masks that most. In my opinion, most of his existing personality already aligns with someone with autism, but I won’t go into detail. (Also yes I am projecting with this diagnosis a tad bit but I do not care)

He’s the same height, just wears platform boots on top of that so he’s taller now.

Dry, fluffy, curly hair- He might have ringlets if it wasn’t so dry and sick. It gets bleached by the sun on top of the sickness so it’s extra pale. He probably bleached it at some point just for the heck of it. Point is, he has hair damage

Peircings- Right eyebrow, multiple on ears, used to have nose and bellybutton piercings

Eyes- there‘s no definite pupil how I drew them. This doesnt mean he has eye problems, though I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s to show he has a carefree look most of the time. He also has pale eyes too, which means they are sensitive to light and he would wear sunglasses if he cared about his eye health. Also he wears eyeliner, though it’s nothing special, just a wing or outline. He has under eye bags, whether they’re from his allergies (asthma) or lack of sleep is a mystery.

Injuries- he hurts himself often, so he has a lot of bandages. Usually he has bandages on his fingers, even though he might only have scabs. He doesn’t want to pick the scabs, and he thinks they look cute. The bandage on his neck is from a burn and the one on his nose is a cut. He also has messed up cuticles from biting his nails when younger a lot (another reason for bandaging them).

Hands- bandages from injuries, nail polish (he likes to paint them different colors, and when he starts biting his nails again he puts the bad tasting one on to stop himself, also his nails are very chipped), rings, usually up and in motion to emphasize his speech (he talks with his hands). He also writes reminders on his hands or arm sometimes. He’s ambidextrous.

Jewlery- various necklaces, bracelets, and rings from his travels. He has a belt chain and collects cute charms too. He also has a dog tag with his name on it, though a small corner broke off. He has clover and skull charms, some cuter ribbons and animal shapes (notably a dog one that he doesn’t take out too often) and an intersex charm for pride. He collects bangles, pearls, beads, kandi, and any type of chain or bracelet he can get his hands on. He also has rings on his fingers when they don’t have bandages, usually simpler bands and no stones. He has a ring from his parents on the same chain as his dog tag, but that’s one of the only ones he owns with stones. He wears a choker, and has a belt chain instead of a wallet chain.

Clothing- it’s the same, but the jacket and pants are more ripped up. His sleeves aren’t ripped either, but he has patches on his jacket and pants now. He especially likes the clover one on his right knee. He has patches from his travels as souvenirs, like locations, concerts, or shapes that symbolize something to him.

Shoes- They’re calf-high platforms with chunky bottoms. Lace-ups with scuff marks, but Special because he doodles on them when he gets bored (a lot of things about talents and hope on them, but also daily reminders for himself).

[actualsunflower]

I have a huge life update to share rn--- My top surgery consultation is scheduled for July 5th!!!! I’M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!! I’ve also been vaccinated!! :D ANNNDDD MY LEGAL NAME AND SEX HAVE BEEN CHANGEDD!!!!! :DDDD kind of a lot has happened since I’ve been actually active around here But now I guess is the much harder part, my official surgery date will be set at the consultation, but there’s a required $1,000 fee to set the official date for my surgery. The $1,000 covers a portion of the surgery as well, and the base price for the surgery is $8,500. I’ll get the exact price on July 5th, but that’s their base rate. I need to earn or raise at least $1,000 of the total cost before July 5th to secure my surgery date!! I’m going to take commissions when I can, I have 1 almost entirely complete right now and then I can take on more! I’m gonna have a more detailed explanation of everything under the cut so this isnt super super long so pls read under there if you want all the deets Pls consider commissioning me or donating so I can get top surgery!! read more for more info and me being sappy abt my emotions--

I’ve waited so long for this and I’m fricken excited, it’s the last step in transitioning for me! It really means everything for me, I feel like I’ve been waiting forever and I can’t believe it’s finally happening !?!!! I am forever in everyones debt here and everywhere because I never wouldve even been able to start hrt if it wasn’t for the help here. I’m just so. Overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude I cant even tell how many times Ive cried and just felt like... actual gender euphoria since starting t..

So abt the appointment, I’m getting surgery with Dr. Javad Sajan, and I’m getting button hole double incision. Im serious his before and after pictures make me so emotional I am so happy and emotional for those people and I cannot wait to feel that kind of happiness and relief. But a big problem about this for me, is that he is in Seattle, and I live in southern Oregon. I can’t drive, so I have to rely on someone else, or take the train from a nearby city (Eugene). My consultation is over skype (which is amazing and a huge relief), but my pre-op appointment is in person, and of course so is the actual surgery. We’re planning on taking the train from Eugene because it seems to be the most reliable way to get there and back each time. Aside from my surgery, I’ve got to cover the price of the trip there and back (twice, once there and back for pre-op, once there and back post op,) and the price of a place to stay during the pre-op appointment. Right now my goal cost wise, is just the booking and base appointment price ($8,500, that’s including the $1,000 appointment setting deposit, which is just a part of the surgery cost and the base covers everything, surgery, the stay at the hospital, nips, anesthesia, everything). The full price is due at the pre-op appointment, and that’s the final bill. My insurance doesn’t cover anything because it’s out of state and county, and because its informed consent model. (which Im choosing because Id have to battle insurance for 2 years minimum if I was getting the surgery in Oregon, but I am very set on my surgeon after considering everything and calling many offices and looking through many subreddits and talking to ppl who’ve gotten it here and there) A lot of this information is on their site as well. As soon as I have my consultation, I will be right here to update everything and set the exact price, which I’ll also be including the price of transportation and staying there. As for paying, I’ve been applying to so many jobs, and even when I get interviews I never hear back from them. People keep telling me to stop admitting I’m disabled but I just can’t do that. Lying about being disabled doesnt make me abled and they don’t get that. I’m still trying though, and I am not going to stop trying until I get a job. But until then commissions and donations are my only source of income. I’ve been struggling getting help psychologically, because I have schizophrenia, and because I was diagnosed with adhd as a child, but I think I’m actually autistic rather than having adhd, and it’s been really hard trying to get diagnosed because I keep getting pushed off or told I cant have autism because I have paranoid schizophrenia or because its “just adhd”, but the medications are just making everything worse, and Ive tried more than one already. My medications for schizophrenia have started not working right, and when my schizophrenia meds get under control, it makes my adhd (?) significantly worse. Genuinely, I really dont know what’s happening. I really dont know whats going on with me right now and it’s hard and confusing and I keep swinging back and forth and it’s making everything deteriorate so fast I cant keep up with it. It seriously effects my ability to do anything at all, even art, and its been like this for the last 6 months. I am trying though, still trying to work, still trying to get a job, still trying to get a real diagnosis and help and Im not going to stop any of that. But I think getting top surgery as soon as possible is going to help me too, because dysphoria has just gotten so much worse focusing on my chest since t has started helping me pass and look so much more masculine. It’s like all my attention went from everything DIRECTLY to my chest and its almost unbearable. Even now since my sex has been legally changed I keep having the horrible thoughts of ‘why, why I am a man Im not supposed to be this way’ and shit idk. I’m getting too serious right now I have an appointment with the dmv to get a new updated driver’s permit with my name and fixed legal sex, and when I do that I can set up a bank account (I cant yet bcs I dont have a valid id/ id at all because I actually lost the other one and have been carrying around that paper one you’re supposed to destroy that is literally from 2016) and when I do, I’m going to set up a proper gofundme for my surgery and the travel expenses, but for now all I have is my paypal and online banking savings account. I’ll get that up asap once I have my id, though (Ive already been to the bank with my notarized judge passed papers and they wont take those yeah I know it’s stupid its like the same thing) But uhhh yeah! Thank you for reading this far if you did lol and considering helping me bcs my god, it literally means everything to me. pls share hehe

[a-love-poet-at-heart]

chess 03 american concert really had their cake and ate it too plot wise instead of just choosing Broadway or West End. They went with a West End plot but with a Broadway plot touch up, (which pretty cool its so west end since it happened in America). Like it is a Disservice to it to just say the plot is Broadway based

cause like the first act is normal West End stuff until the end where Freddie actually loses his title. He didnt quit and abdicate, Anatoly won fair and square and Anatoly was crowned champion and defects. Then Second act is in Bangkok for another championship, pretty West end yea?, but Freddie is the challenger not the Chekov’s gun of Viigand. Now the rest of the second act is super West end plot, like they even have the Interview and an almost full version of The Deal song, but also include the Freddie Goes Metal song from Broadway. Obviously first they change who sings the interview and has Freddie’s parts given to the ensemble/chorus and interestingly enough the Deal gives half of Freddie’s part to Walter. Walter talks to Anatoly and tells him about The Deal and to throw the Game. He gets told he’s total shit, then Freddie talks to Florence and is rebuked. And for the Freddie goes Metal/A Whole New Board game, it happens right after The Interview but after Freddie gloats, Florence shows up, having heard it all, and says that part she already said in Florence Quits and is later reused in The Deal, “Who'd ever think it?/Such a squalid little ending/Watching you descending/Just as far as you can go/I'm learning things I didn't want to know”. Now this is how they transition to Pity the Child.

Now for the ending! Endgame is Weird. It has bits of both versions. The bit between Walter and Molokov is actually the West End version. Molokov talks about “having trust in one’s player” and “working for one who believes in loyalty, heritage, true to his kind come what may”. With Walter following up with “your late unlamented employee knows winning than the only thing won is the chess”. Then we have Florence say her bit, then Anatoly his. But then we switch gears and do the broadway endgame. Freddie says his lines about thoughts straying and Florence being Anatoly’s messes with him. Then its Anatoly’s part but its sung by a mix of Florence and Svetlana

Anatoly jumps back in with his part about her and her father and about “living his life alone then feel like I had harmed her”. Then Anatoly throws the Fucking Game. Freddie wins, the Dethroned King is Back with shouting Check and gloating to Florence about her backing the wrong side like the Broadway version.

now as the second act was mostly West End based there was no Fake Father and his lullaby. And when Walter and Florence talk after the You and I reprise its a mix of plots with the “IF he’s still alive” and “we dont know For Sure” from the West End but with the “we got recovered some key agents” from the Broadway plot.

Also as this fits in nowhere before, but they do remove The Soviet’s Machine which is understandable. But a bit disappointing as its giving Molokov less to do and I like that song, but Understandable. Also they fully cut out Commie Newspapers/Press Conference so its Merano, Freddie��s Entrance, Merano reprise, Anatoly and Molokov, Where I want to be then Us vs Ussr. And the show’s first real song is Merano. Before it is just the overture and plot details from The Narrator Arbiter. The Story of Chess is sandwiched between Anatoly and Florence talking after the Endgame and the You and I reprise. So Pretty Weird.

Now this whole version is pretty interesting as Freddie actually loses and comes back but gets no redemption arc. He says he has changed in The Deal but he hasn’t, he showed that earlier by basically blaming Florence for his loss in the first act during Freddie Goes Metal. (I like that that song parallels the Florence Quitting in the First act with Florence reusing song lyrics) Another interesting thing is during the Deal where after Molokov says that Florence might not believe Walter and his bluff of her father being alive he says “There are others to call in to assist us”. Which is kinda weird as its Walter going to Anatoly to tell him to throw the game. I guess this could also pertain to Freddie since when he is groveling to Florence he directly says “in return I’ll show you all that they know in Moscow” and “he won’t help you, he won’t throw the match”. Which makes me question why Freddie is so happy when Anatoly makes a “mistake” in the Endgame as he directly knew about The Deal and the possibility of Anatoly throwing the match. But since he was so confident he wouldn’t throw the match I shall say that Freddie believes that Anatoly actually messed up and didn't throw the game, but just happened to lose.

Side note: Odd that 2 songs earlier Freddie spoke to the Press so confidently blaming Florence for his loss and saying how better he was without her, when she could have still read that in the papers later instead of hearing it from his own mouth if she wasn’t there. So she still would have heard Freddie Bad Mouth her. And then during The Deal he just grovels, says he’s changed and asks for her back and says “they will bring back the Golden Era”.

Also really weird for during the Endgame Walter still says “Though it gives me no satisfaction” before talking about how if Anatoly wins he only wins the game. He and Molokov are on the same side, get Anatoly to lose, then Profit. But from that line, it seems he believes that Anatoly will not want to win the game. And with Molokov’s saying that how easy the game is when you trust your player. In the West End plot Molokov’s lines are about Viigand and him just gloating to Walter while Walter says that he hates to admit it, its better for Anatoly to lose the match. Now Molokov’s lines are about Anatoly, who doesnt have loyalty to his people as he just defected, so odd that Molokov is suddenly saying he trusts him and odd that Walter would hate to admit to Molokov that its best for Anatoly to lose the match. Now you could argue that Molokov was saying it sarcastically or hypothetically or he was talking about Walter’s perspective as I guess Anatoly is now Walter’s man. So it would make sense for Walter to basically say “No actually, you’re wrong I don’t trust him, I think he will lose”. But that seems very odd to me as before it is shown that Walter and Molokov are both on board with Anatoly losing, especially more so when you find out he recovered some key agents since Anatoly threw the match.

Also interesting is how Florence and Svetlana are apart of the Endgame and sing Anatoly’s lines. Now with Svetlana’s lines it there seems to be two interpretations, first that if Anatoly went back to her she would not take him. “Is this [being married to Anatoly] the life I need?” She says he is selfish and childish but ends it with saying me, “Those around me bleed to death”. So I see that as the people bleeding to death is her children, so she is harming her children by choosing life with Anatoly. The other option is that Svetlana was always talking about herself, just like originally Anatoly was talking about himself when he said those lines. She’s blaming herself and chess itself for Anatoly’s actions. Personally I do not like this so, I’m going with the first option.

Overall, I kinda like this version of Chess. Nice that they didn’t just pick a plot, but changed things up and mixed things together. Didn’t add anything really new to Chess, like the Kennedy Center Production. Also interesting they mostly used the West End plot instead of Broadway when it happened in America. Personally I didn’t like Freddie not changing and no redemption arc for him, but I just have a soft spot for him.

There are some techinical problems with the production, mics not being on at the right time, some fumbling with words, the orchestra coming in too early and drowning out Freddie when during his small dialogue before the second chess game of the first act, Adam Pascal’s mic going off for a few lines during One Night in Bangkok. Also I think Walter flubbed a line during the Deal cause he says “we all stand to lose, you, me, the lady also” so