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aminiatureworld · 3 years

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Injury II

Characters: Kaeya, Ningguang, Xiao, Zhongli, gn!reader

Word Count: 5,650

Warnings: Various injuries, blood, burns, minor villain death

Premise: Sometimes the pain of others can hurt even more than one’s own. In which the reader is injured.

Author’s Note: Okay so after the mind numbing fear of my computer almost dying and now maybe emitting a weird smell I’m five seconds away from pure panic. But the show much go on! Even if my word document keeps blacking out.

This is my first time writing for Ningguang! I hope I do my girl justice, she’s voiced by my fav VA, she’s a total powerhouse, I love her so much.

I tried to make all of the injuries personal to each character in some way. Funny enough Zhongli’s was the hardest to figure out. I eventually settled upon the act of you being injured causing Zhongli’s personal angst, rather than the cause of the injury. I hope it came out well!

Kaeya

Kaeya didn’t often let himself fall into fear. Not since he’d been young did he feel that he could indulge in such a sentiment. True to his vision he’d frozen that part of himself, and now when panic seized him he could feel nothing but stone cold determination, and the need to continue forward without hesitation. Fear was hardly alien to him, he could conjure up the emotion all too well, but it had been dulled and replaced by cynicism and coldness. And occasionally guilt.

Looking back on it Kaeya wasn’t even sure why the two of you had strayed so close to Dragonspine, so close snowflakes were congregating in your hair.

You’d called him a winter fairy in jest at the time, wondering if he wasn’t truly the ruler of that mountain of frost. He’d laughed then, before threatening to take you away to his fairy court. “That would be quite an easy task.” You’d replied. “You’ve already captured my heart after all.”

The two of you were strolling on the rocks that lined the river which separated Dragonspine from the greater Monstadt area. Although adventurers usually roamed the area in the daytime it was now evening, and the lack of people certainly made up for the cold in Kaeya’s mind. He could only be his true self around you after all. Otherwise it was the charming and slick Cavalry Captain, a man who always knew what to say and never harbored any doubts in his mind. Not that he wasn’t still charming around you, he loved seeing you blush from his effusive praise, loved the way you buried your head in his shoulder if the flirting and the teasing ramped up enough. But there was a sincerity to his words that one couldn’t find normally in Kaeya, and he loved to show you bits and pieces of his soul, relieved to finally have someone to talk to.

“Watch your step.” You warned, grabbing onto Kaeya’s hand as he slid a little ways along a rock.

“Thank you darling, although I daresay I’m more worried about you. After all who’s the snow fairy here and who’s the wind sprite, liable to blow away at any moment?”

“So cheesy.” You mumbled, shaking your head, though Kaeya could’ve sworn your cheeks were slightly redder than they were a few moments ago. Laughing he wrapped his arm around your waist. You snuggled into his fur lined coat. “Cold.” You murmured, though you made no move to disconnect yourself. Kaeya smiled and brought his other hand around you in a soft embrace.

“Sorry my dearest, but you’re in love with an icicle.”

“Only terms of magic.” You shot back. “Otherwise you’re a nice warm fire. And don’t you forget that.”

The two of you headed a little ways down, closer to the river. A small group of frost flowers had made it to this side of the banks, and you were adamant on picking some. “They’re so beautiful!” You explained to Kaeya. “And incredibly strong, I can’t believe they managed to grow in that permafrost. They’re simply lovely.”

“Just be careful.” Kaeya commented, standing a little ways back. He didn’t like getting near the river, a river so cold it was always at nearly freezing at the bottom. Cold water and a vision of Cryo didn’t mix well.

“I’ll be fine.” You hopped to your feet, a bouquet of pale blue in your hand. You were smiling from your victory, face full of light and happiness.

It was an expression that changed swiftly as you lost your balance and plummeted into the freezing waters.

Immediately Kaeya leapt down from the rocks he was standing on, kneeling near where you were standing a moment ago. The river wasn’t very fast, bogged down by its width and how far it was away from the waterfalls in the warmer parts of Monstadt. Still it cut off very quickly, having barely the semblance of a beach before opening into a deep chasm, and anyone who fell in it would quickly fall into cold shock. Already your limbs had started seizing, and you were hyperventilating hard. Your arms felt like dead weight, and every second that passed your head dipped lower into the freezing water.

Kaeya gingerly put his hand out to make a platform of ice for him to stand on. Whatever happened he couldn’t fall in as well, it would mean the death of you two. Fear had reared its ugly head again and Kaeya twisted those feelings into action. No matter what he had to act fast and sure. Hesitation was fatal.

Plunging his hand into the water, sucking in a deep breath as the ice that still coated his palms and fingers made contact with the freezing river Kaeya hauled you up onto the icy platform. Taking off his coat he wrapped you up. Removing your gloves so the frozen water wouldn’t be in contact with your already freezing skin Kaeya cursed as he ran towards Springvale, the nearest place he could think of. He’d lugged you onto his back, and could feel the freezing water through his shirt. As he ran he kept up a stream of slightly shaky conversation, rattling off what little he knew of hypothermia.

“It’ll be alright darling, I promise it’ll be alright. You’re just going through shock right now, okay? You’ll be alright, I promise. Just stay awake a little while longer. I know you must be tired from all that excitement, but just stay awake a little longer, just a little longer and then you’ll be nice and warm, just stay awake right now okay?” His voice became more and more desperate as his fear started to tumble out of his grasp, but he kept moving. He wouldn’t lose control of himself now, not until you were safe.

Finally he arrived at Springvale and you’d been rushed to the village doctor. Kaeya was told to go and wait somewhere else, and preferably change out of his freezing cold shirt, but you’d grabbed his hand as he turned to leave and after that he refused to budge, instead borrowing a shirt from the village. He’d reimburse the people who let you two borrow their clothes later.

The entire process was a terrifying one, as you were slowly brought back to warmth. Kaeya took the opportunity to learn as much as he could, noting that you shouldn’t massage limbs back to warmth for fear of heart attack and – much to his chagrin he later joked when the situation was far enough in the past – alcohol was too much of a depressant on your system and could lead to death. All throughout he kept talking to you, even though there were times you didn’t seem to hear, times when he thought his heart would split in two.

Still it was evident you were going to survive and when you’d finally finished being warmed up Kaeya thought he could cry in relief, if only he’d been numbed from such an act for so many years. You’d run into some sort of rock in the water, and the long gash down the side of your leg was later determined by the doctor to reveal torn muscle. It’d take about a month and a half for you to recover. Kaeya thought he should’ve felt worse about it, but in the moment he felt nothing but relief, utter relief in the knowledge you were going to be fine. Utter relief that came with having almost lost you.

Kaeya had carried you back to Monstadt, much to your consternation. All the ways back you mumbled about how his penchant for drama seemed to have increased tenfold. Kaeya simply shook his head, not bothering to ask how you would’ve gotten back otherwise with your leg in the shape it was. Still it was a relief to both of you to see the city walls. Even more of a relief when you finally arrived home, safe and sound.

“I’m so glad you were there.” You confessed as Kaeya sat you down on the couch, propping up your leg and pulling a chair up next to you. “I don’t know what I would’ve done had I fallen and you weren’t there.”

“You probably wouldn’t have been there in the first place.” Kaeya remarked, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. You brought your hand up to his cheek and he leaned into it slightly, grateful for the contact between you two. It’d been hours but the panic that he’d felt still tugged at his consciousness, as if any moment you might slip away again and leave him panicked and alone.

“Were you afraid?” You asked.

“Of course I was afraid.” Kaeya’s reply came swift and sure. “I was terrified, terrified in a way that I haven’t been in years.” Kaeya’s eyes clouded over, as if reaching deep into his memories. He brought your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles and then your palm. “I thought that you might die, and in that moment I was ready to curse the world all over again.”

“But I didn’t die.” You said solemnly.

“No, you didn’t.”

“And that’s because of you. Because you reacted quickly, because you had the magic with which to do so, and most of all because you never hesitated. And because of that I’m alive and well now. Injuries aside I’ll be fine. I promise.”

Kaeya knew you were right. You were alive. You weren’t going to go where he couldn’t follow. The fear coiling in his stomach began to subside. He’d been so afraid, yes, and in that fear he’d managed to find the strength and determination to save you. But now you were safe and he no longer needed to rely on that strength; he could give into his relief. Realizing this, realizing how frightened he’d been and how that was now part of a past he could move forward from, could truly forget, Kaeya could only marvel at his relief. Only then did the tears begin to fall.

Ningguang

If there was one thing Ningguang wasn’t expecting out of today it was your leg collapsing and her winding up in the waiting room of the Liyue hospital, mind replaying the last week or so, wondering where she might’ve realized something was wrong.

It seemed like the kind of thing Keqing would make a joke about. Here Ningguang was, the Tianquan of the Liyue Qixing, the most powerful woman in the trade capital of Liyue; here she was, her world completely gone awry, completely shattered by your injury.

A stress fracture, the doctor had said. It was the kind of injury that developed slowly and came about after weeks instead of in moments. The initial strain was usually something mundane, a sprain, a bruise, maybe you’d walked on your foot for too long. But after sometimes weeks of ignoring pain and swelling your body couldn’t take it any longer. Ten weeks, that’s how long you would be laid up. And Ningguang couldn’t help but feel every one of those ten weeks was her fault.

She should’ve noticed it. That train of thought continued all throughout the process of you being treated at, and eventually discharged from, the hospital. You weren’t just one of the people she worked with daily, weren’t just her closest colleague. You were the person that Ningguang loved more than anything in this world. How could she possibly not have noticed the signs?

Ningguang found herself obsessively trying to connect the warning signs that must’ve been there. She knew that your foot had been aching for some time, but though she’d been vaguely concerned she’d said nothing other than a simple “be careful”. She’d never thought to check after you later, sure that it was nothing. Now she felt nothing but shame, both that of a personal and of a greater kind. How could she manage looking after all of Liyue if she couldn’t even look after you?

You noticed Ningguang’s silence as you two made your way out of the hospital and towards the apartment you shared. Although Ningguang was perhaps seen as a reticent individual you’d found her surprisingly open, always ready to discuss things that were of interest either to you or to her. She wasn’t the kind of person to walk along in silence; not when she was around those that she cared for, not unless she was thinking about something important, not unless…

Finally you two arrived home. You collapsed on the couch, tired and ready to either read or nap. Ningguang was preparing some tea and a various array of fruit, not that there was much food in the lavish apartment you two shared. Considering the workload between the both of you it was perhaps unsurprising that there was nothing much to eat. That would have to change, Ningguang noted; she’d make sure that you were recovering in the most comfortable way possible. It was the least she could do.

“Are you feeling well?” Ningguang asked, placing the food and tea on the table in your room. You nodded.

“I feel fine, although I’m not looking forward to the walk to the Qixing headquarters. I have to admit dear this might be the only time I’m a bit glad that I don’t have to make my way to the Jade Chamber every day.” Ningguang smiled at that, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She sat silently, sipping her tea slowly. Your expression clouded over. “Hey, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Oh it’s nothing my love.” Ningguang spoke up quickly, leaning over and kissing you on the cheek. “I’m just sorry to see you like this.”

“Well you can’t blame yourself. You know that, right?”

Ningguang found she couldn’t bring herself to lie to you. Your gaze, though soft, seemed to pierce right through all her excuses and all her bluffing. She sighed softly. Maybe it would be better to be upfront about it, clear and concise, how one should always be. At least then she could apologize properly.

“In truth I do blame myself. I can’t believe I was so neglectful of your health, so blind to your pain.” She shook her head, staring at the hand that was holding yours. A disconnected part of her thought of how well the two fit together, fingers intertwined softly, your palm warm and comforting.

“If you were blind to this then so was I.” You spoke softly but firmly, refusing to sugar coat your words. Ningguang admired you for it, even if she didn’t believe you, something painfully clear in the expression on her face. “You cannot blame yourself.” You continued, “I won’t let you. I don’t want you beating yourself up for something that neither of us predicted. If you feel the need to blame yourself for this you must also blame me; I was the one walking on the injury without paying enough attention.”

“But – ” Ningguang paused, realizing the truth behind your words, slouching slightly she sat in deep thought. “I… I realize there’s not a lot of logic behind my thinking.”

“Well feelings are hardly logical.” You pointed out, squeezing her hand. “And because they’re illogical they don’t go away quickly. But I at least want you to try and combat your guilt with what I’ve told you. Because just like you hate seeing me in this cast I hate seeing you in pain.”

Ningguang nodded, heart filled with a deep sense of love and tenderness. Leaning over to give you a kiss she smiled softly. You did too. For a moment you two basked in each other’s presence and happiness, before you smile turned mischievous.

“Although… I won’t object to a little pampering.” Ningguang chuckled, shaking her head. But her smile was real this time, and you wouldn’t ask for anything more.

“You’re lucky I love you so much.”

“I know I am.” You replied. “And you’re lucky I adore you.”

“I am.” Ningguang’s reply was just as sure, was full of quiet but strong emotion. She was lucky. And she would never take you or your love for granted. No matter what.

Xiao

By the time he’d met you Xiao had long come to the conclusion that he’d never find it in him to like humans.

Humans were dirty, they were untrustworthy and full of darkness, they broke things without thinking about it, mangled their own people, their own families and friends and countrymen. Humans slaughtered one another without thinking of how it might stain them, and when they weren’t killing they were stealing and lying and ruining the land around them. How could he, a being designed solely to destroy the darkness in the world, ever find in himself the will or the ability to look past all that?

When he’d met you and had fallen in love in earnest this view had still changed ultimately very little. But even if you’d admitted that what he said was mostly true, you’d found that you still wanted him to learn to care at least a little bit about humanity. I mean you were ultimately one of them at your core. It didn’t feel right to prop yourself up as the one great exception, not when there were other people who were certainly like you in mind and in morality. Xiao silently disagreed with this analysis; to him there never was and never would be someone like you, in all of Teyvat. Still, he felt compelled to try, though more for your sake than for his, and as the weeks had gone on he’d begun to look at humanity not with any sort of respect or hope but with a sort of begrudging curiosity, and an admittance that maybe, just maybe, there was a bit of that light you saw in it.

What a fool he’d been.

Although Xiao was aware of the growing threat of treasure hoarders across Liyue – so widespread that they’d even managed to eat away at the tranquil lands surrounding Jueyen Karst – he’d never considered them a serious threat. So when the two of you accidentally ran into a group of them while exploring some of the older Liyue ruins Xiao didn’t bother to do much more than wrap an arm around your waist, sure that even the most idiotic of treasure hoarders wouldn’t be so foolish as to pick a fight with either an adeptus or their beloved. You seemed unfazed at any rate, explaining that the two of you were simply passing by and had no desire to pick a fight; if they’d be so kind the two of you would be on your way.

Perhaps the treasure hoarders were well aware of the fact that you could report them to the Liyue Qixing. Perhaps they were simply in a bad mood. Either way your words apparently did nothing. Xiao was becoming tenser and tenser, feeling as if something catastrophic was about to happen. That moment came to pass when one of the treasure hoarders pulled out a knife and threw it, lodging itself with deadly accuracy into your torso.

At that point Xiao felt himself overcome with a supernatural sort of calm, a calm which raced to cover up the anguish and rage that was coursing through him, threatening to burn him from the inside out. He only paused to make sure you didn’t hit the ground hard, before summoning his spear. Ignoring the cries of the treasure hoarders he made quick work of disposing of them, for what was a measly human, a piece of trash, when compared to that which had slayed countless demons? A small part of him cried out against the act, pointing out the fact that every time he wielded his polearm to kill it might bring him closer to the precipice, the fact that you were hurt mattered more than revenge, the fact that he was going to regret killing in front of you. He ignored it. At that moment there was nothing in his mind, it was as empty and staid as a clear pool of water. The only ripple in it was the way you’d jolted back in surprised, and the way you’d let out a cry before crumpling.

Xiao didn’t look back to see the havoc he’d wreaked. Instead he ran to your side. Peeling off his gloves, worried that they might bring infection, he pressed his bare hands to your wound, desperately trying to staunch the blood that was spilling out, ignoring the shocks that jolted through his hands, the result of the dagger somehow being infused with electro. The feeling of blood, your blood, beneath his fingers was nauseating, and for a moment Xiao felt his head filling with static as the pure panic that he’d felt began to overcome the initial rush of adrenaline. Snapping out of it when you let out a groan of pain Xiao looked into your eyes. They were clouded, and for a moment the adeptus was afraid you might be on the verge of passing out – had you really lost so much blood? Holding you tightly, one hand never leaving your wound, Xiao summoned a burst of air. His thoughts were still too chaotic to be processed, there was only one thing connecting them all. Let them live. If there’s any justice in this world, please let them live.

Verr Goldet had grasped the situation as soon as she saw Xiao appear on the balcony, face contorted in fear. Taking you to her room, she’d instructed Xiao to get one of the doctors from Liyue while she and the resident apothecary took care of you. Xiao did the task without thinking, and once he’d arrived with the doctor he refused to leave your side. Xiao knew death better than most adepti, certainly more than most humans. It was cold and unfeeling, and had a nasty habit of leaping onto people when they least expected it. It didn’t matter to him that all three, Goldet, the apothecary, and the doctor, said that you would be fine; Xiao was going to be there the entire time.

Eventually you managed to rouse yourself from the pain induced stupor, and when you did you saw Xiao first, eyes wide with fear and relief, tears threatening to spill down his face.

In the end you’d been lucky. Although the dagger had ruptured your spleen Xiao had acted quickly enough to avert catastrophe. You were going to survive, though it’d be 12 weeks most likely until you were completely recovered. The moment of crisis having passed the two of you were finally given a moment alone.

“Are you alright?” Xiao immediately asked. You didn’t make a move to answer, instead cupping Xiao’s cheek before moving to take his hand. At that moment how Xiao remembered. Oh; the blood. Quickly moving away he ran to the nearest basin of water, scrubbing furiously. As the water turned red a faint smell of iron filled the air; it was the most disgusting thing Xiao had ever smelt, and he scrubbed even harder. You waited silently as he finished cleaning his hands and disposing of the water. Finally he came back to sit next to you, still hesitating a moment before placing his palm in yours.

“I… I don’t understand how you could ever like humans.” That was the first thing Xiao could think of. “They betrayed you. Without even blinking. That man, all those men and women, they would’ve ended your life without even thinking about it. They would’ve killed you and lived without ever having such a thing weigh on their conscience. Humans never think about the weight of their sins. They just keep committing atrocities.”

“And what about you, Xiao. Will their deaths weigh on you?”

“As much as all the others.” Xiao wished he could be matter of fact about it, but he found that trait of his had somehow disappeared. Instead an emotion washed over him, so unfamiliar and unexplainable it seemed to choke him. “Perhaps more.” He managed to get out, before beginning to cry in earnest.

You would’ve died. If he hadn’t been there you would’ve died. For you he gladly shouldered the weight of human life, would do so again and again if only to ensure your safety. And yet it was such a heavy weight, and no matter how many Xiao killed it wouldn’t heal you.

“I’m sorry.” He choked out. You shook your head.

“Xiao I always knew that you weren’t going to be able to see humans as I see them immediately. And I know that you have a relationship with death and killing that most humans, most beings, will never have. I’m not going to blame you, nor will I turn on you. I cannot pretend that what happened didn’t make me angry. In retrospect it made me incredibly angry. It’s also true that – had you not been there – I would’ve raised my own weapon in self-defense. But now I’m going to ask you for one thing, and one thing only.”

“What?”

“Help me recover. Help me recover and let me help you recover. If there’s one thing I don’t want to happen now it’s for you to turn away from me and from everyone else, to let yourself be consumed. I want you to have somewhere you can let your feelings exist, and I want somewhere I can feel happy and comfortable as myself. You make me feel that way, so even if it’s selfish I don’t want you to turn away. And I don’t want you to grieve for me. Injured as I may be I’m not dead.” There was a pause as you let yourself catch your breath, having gotten more and more excited as you went on. “I realize that’s more than one thing.” You concluded, a bit sheepish.

Xiao said nothing for a while before leaning towards you. “May I?” He whispered. You nodded and Xiao pressed his lips to yours. The kiss wasn’t one of fire or passion. It was different, defined within the parameters of fear and relief, there seemed to be a sort of desperation in it, yet it was surprisingly sedate. Pulling away Xiao buried his face in your neck, careful to make sure he wasn’t touching where you’d been stabbed.

“I will. I promise.” He whispered. You nodded, smiling softly. But Xiao couldn’t bring himself to smile, not just yet.

Xiao couldn’t understand humans. They were dirty and cruel and lived without fear of consequences. Their actions haunted him and he found them easier to hate than to understand. But for you he’d try, because to him there was one thing strong than all, strong than fear, stronger than mistrust, stronger than hatred.

And that was the love he held for you.

Zhongli

If there was one thing Zhongli hadn’t been prepared for when it came to falling in love with humans it was their combination of fragility and utter ignorance to said fragility.

One of Zhongli’s favorite things to do was to simply sit and listen to you talk about your life. Humans fascinated Zhongli, it was one of the reasons he’d ultimately given up his place as Rex Lapis; inside him lived a desire to interact with humanity in a more intimate way, to know what made people behave as they did and to perhaps grow closer to them in the process.

But despite all that he still wasn’t ready for the utter fear he felt when listening to the stories of you getting hurt. You’d laughed off scrapes and bruises and fractures. The time you’d accidentally ripped off your nail was a painful yet funny anecdote, and the fact that you’d fractured your kneecap as a child was something you now looked back on with an odd sense of nostalgia.

Zhongli didn’t understand why these stories frightened him on such a visceral level. Such injuries were nothing to gods and adepti. Although the idea of a broken bone was certainly an irritation there was nothing more in it, and the kind of injuries that could easily kill humans would to Zhongli be the kind of thing that would be unpleasant for its novelty, not for its potential fatality.

He didn’t bring up these thoughts to you, feeling as if they’d somehow place an undue burden on you, or perhaps he was afraid you’d stop telling him about yourself. Still it lurked at the back of his mind, the fear of what might happen to you.

The fears that Zhongli harbored were proven in the most mundane, and thus most poignant, way. The two of you had been preparing a meal when suddenly you’d stumbled on an uneven part of the floor. Reaching your hands out to steady yourself your arm had landed flat on the hot stove, the stove which had been heating up for the past fifteen or so minutes. The scream that you let out sent a shock through Zhongli which shook him to his core. It rang through his ears incessantly, a terrifying reminder of how breakable humans were.

You’d immediately yanked your arm off from the stove but the sight that met both his and your eyes was a ghastly one. The skin on your arm was charred various colors, white blisters mixed with black flaky skin, all outlined in a terrible circle of red. You were shaking, and you face had turned a frightful ashen color. Springing into action Zhongli wracked his brain for all he could remember about burns. If the burn is serious enough go to the hospital. Never try to treat intense burns yourself as the burning has gone deeper than the initial layer of skin, raise your burn above your heart. Go to the hospital. Slinging your arm around his shoulder so that it was raised, whisper soft words of reassurance as you let out a shriek of pain, Zhongli half walked half carried you to the hospital, all while the same thought was running through his head.

How fragile humans are.

The doctors had insisted you stay overnight. Apparently the burn was bad enough to require surgery. Zhongli’s stomach had dropped as he was told that, but he managed to nod in response. Walking back home Zhongli felt all in a daze. He barely made it in the door before he collapsed, fear having seeped the energy out of him. The world pressed down on him, heavier than it’d ever been before. At least you’d be okay, he reminded himself. If he had anything to cling to at least he had that.

Zhongli was the first visitor to arrive at the hospital, having given Hu Tao the run of the funeral home as he spent as much time as possible with you. You were well enough, although a bit bogged down from the painkillers you’d been given. You’d once offhandedly commented that although magic infused medicine tended to be safer for the patient – more successful and less addictive – it was also more powerful; now Zhongli could see you weren’t kidding.

Your burn was wrapped up carefully, the doctors had managed to take the charred skin of, you’d explain, but now the burn had to be treated with the utmost care until the surgery later in the afternoon, infection was no joke.

“Well this’ll certainly be an interesting anecdote.” You let out half a laugh. “Not that I’m happy this happened, but at least this will shut up the next person who complains about how cardio was the most painful thing they’ve experienced.”

“I don’t know how you can be so cavalier about it.” Zhongli replied, tone soft and introspective. “It seems to terrifying to me, how easily humans are hurt.”

“Hey, I’ll be fine.” You assured him, voice soft but firm. “I understand how to adepti and archons and gods this might be terrifying. I’d be the first to admit we can’t really keep up with you in terms of pure healing and resistance to injury. But we’ve continued on this far haven’t we?” You smiled softly. “I promise I’m not about to die from something like a kitchen accident.”

“But what if next time it’s not your arm?” Zhongli replied. “What if it’s your neck or your chest? What if you cut yourself too deeply, what if your cut becomes infected. There are so many things I haven’t thought about until now, so many things that could hurt you. It frightens me terribly.”

“I’m very grateful that you’re worrying for me like this. But Zhongli?” You waited for his eyes to meet yours, smiling once more when he faced you. “You cannot be consumed by your anxiety. Believe me humans worry about these kinds of things. What if I tripped and fell and broke my neck, what if I scratched myself and developed and infection, what if I choked on an apple? These fears live with us, sometimes constantly, but we cannot let them consume us. As much as I’m flattered and glad you care for my wellbeing so much, I also don’t want you consumed by it, nor do I want to be treated like glass.”

“I cannot understand how you’re so resilient.” Zhongli replied after a short pause. You shrugged.

“We are because we must be.”

Zhongli knew in his heart that these fears he harbored weren’t going to go away. He knew that they were going to become more and more apparent through the month of your initial recovery, and through the longer period too as scar tissue formed and subsided.

Humans were indeed fragile. But if there was one thing stronger than said fragility it was their even greater determination to supersede it. Humans may be fragile in body, but they were stronger in spirit even than the gods.

That was something Zhongli wasn’t going to forget. Not for a very long time.

#my computer's about to die but this was totally worth it #also I never want to learn that much about burns again oof #tonight was wild #also I love ningguang so much aaa #kaeya #ningguang #xiao #zhongli #kaeya x reader #ningguang x reader #xiao x reader #zhongli x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #scenarios #my writing

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winterscaptain · 4 years

Text

inherited.

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: this popped into my head fully formed. when i thought too hard about it, i cried. It’s sweet. enjoy! tell me what you think! this takes place in au!october 2022

words: 2k warnings: language, tooth-rotting fluff

summary: “i don’t have stepchildren, i have children who happened to be born before i met them.” – unknown

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | requests closed!

You’re laid out flat on the bed, tooling around on your phone, when Jack comes in, gets a running start, and flops onto the bed beside you. His feet hang off the opposite side yours do, your heads close together.

Elliot and the girls are napping the early afternoon away, Jack had an early-release day from school, Aaron’s taking a half-day, and Isaac’s still stuck on that 750-piece puzzle on your office floor. You left one of the baby monitors in the nursery and one with him, just in case. The faint, staticky sound of him talking to himself grumbles through the little speaker on Aaron’s bedside table.

Jack doesn’t say anything, but pulls his phone out and starts doing whatever newly-minted seventeen-year-olds do on his phone beside you.

You, on the other hand, need to take care of an email from Aaron.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected]

CC: [email protected]

SSA Hotchner,

See attached for your quarterly performance evaluation from your supervisor, BAU Unit Chief SSA Emily Prentiss, cc’d here. Please direct any questions or concerns to SSA Prentiss.

Best, SSA Aaron Hotchner, J.D. Northeast Investigations and Operations Support Section Chief Quantico, VA

P.S. Leaving the office in 30. See you soon xx

You draft a quick reply and send it.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected]

Received.

Thanks, Hotch.

Best, SSA _______ Hotchner Behavioral Analysis Unit, Quantico, VA

P.S. Come in quietly thru the garage - C, S, E are still out.

With a roll of your eyes, you put your phone down and take a moment to look at Jack.

He’s nearly a man, the baby fat falling from his jaw and cheekbones, getting taller by the day. Much to Aaron’s chagrin, they’re about the same height now.

Jack’s eyes flicker from his phone and meet yours for a split second. “What?”

“Just lookin’ at you.”

A little puff of a laugh leaves his nose. “Why?”

One side of your mouth lifts. “I know you’re tired of hearing this, but if you ever have kids of your own, you’ll get it.”

He hums, tossing his phone onto the pillow behind him. “Well, yeah. I got that, but why?”

You roll onto your side, curling your legs fully onto the bed. It’s a good question, and one for which you’re not sure you have an answer. Thinking for a moment, you sigh. “So, with you, for example. I can’t really put it into words, but you’re a bit of a miracle.”

He squints (just like Aaron) and you continue.

“I have the privilege of being your mom, which is a title that isn’t really mine.” You tuck the inside of your lip between your teeth, trying to figure out how to articulate it.

It’s not that I don't want to be your mom but in the world where I’m not your mom, Haley is still here.

But there are some days I miss her so much I wish I didn’t have to be your mom. She was always going to be ‘mom.’

But then it’s the best thing in the world to be your mom and I wouldn’t want it any other way…

Fuck.

You start slow. “It’s a bit of a bittersweet thing. I never expected to be ‘mom’ to you while Haley was alive. No matter what would have or could have happened between your dad and me, Haley is your mom. So, the knowledge that we’re here - you and I, in this house with your brothers and sisters and your dad, the way we are - is very much grounded in Haley’s absence.”

You shake your head, realizing you’re getting off topic. “All this to say, it’s a bit of a miracle that I get to be your mom, and not just mom to those other little gremlins infesting this house.”

You both smile.

“And sometimes, I just need to stare at you, make sure you’re real, and sit in that kind of...feeling that I can’t quite articulate.”

Jack’s been listening the whole time, his brown eyes soft and open. “I think I get that. It makes sense - even if you and Dad still got married and had more kids, Haley would be ‘Mom’ and you would be...something else.”

You smile a little. “I guess you could say I inherited the title, in some ways.”

“That’s a good way to put it.” His eyes wander up to the ceiling, pensive.

“You know, I can’t remember a time when you weren’t around. Like, not every memory has you in it because you weren’t always there, but...there isn’t a single, like, phase of my life when you weren’t in it.”

It's your turn to listen.

“And I don’t remember my mother very well. You and Dad always made sure I knew who she was - I feel like I know everything about her, but like…” He trails off for a second before looking back at you. “She still feels like a stranger, a little bit.”

You nod. “Someone distant, maybe?”

“Yeah. Like I feel connected to her and everything but you’re my mom. You’ve always been that person for as long as I can remember. I can’t imagine anything else.” He shakes his head a little. “It wouldn’t be right to call you anything else.”

A shaky breath leaves you through your mouth, unexpected tears springing into your eyes. Since you’re on the deep end of the conversation pool, you switch gears a little. “Is it ever weird? Having the little ones around? Your dad and I having more kids?”

He immediately shakes his head. “Nah. I can really remember when it was just the two of us - me ‘n Dad - and then then three of us after that one Christmas. But I don’t really miss it? Like, sometimes it gets so fucking loud in this house -”

“Language,” you chastise. It’s weak, at best.

He snorts, revising. “Sometimes, it gets really loud in this house and I have those moments of like, ‘oh my god why are they so loud why can’t it just be me and Mom and Dad again,’ but they never last long.” He laughs a little. “Like right now, they’re just in the other room napping and I miss them.”

“You know when you laugh like that you look just like your mother?”

That sunshine smile breaks across his face again. “Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” You reach out to him, brushing the apple of his cheek with the side of your finger - just a second, just an affectionate little bit of contact. His smile gets wide enough that you’re treated to one dimple. “But those,” you poke the little indent by the corner of his mouth and he screws his face up. “Those are all your dad’s.”

Jack grows pensive again. “Dad said he’d tell me about the divorce if I wanted to ask.”

Many of your conversations bounce around like this. Fifteen years of life together make up for seemingly contextless non-sequiturs. You know, just like you do with Aaron, he has more to say.

You wait him out.

“If I asked, would you tell me?”

With a sigh, “I can tell you how it was for me as their friend, but I won’t speak for Dad or Haley.”

Jack nods, understanding. “What was it like? Like, the...actual divorce? Did you get caught in the middle?”

“It sucked. It really sucked, but no, I never got caught up in it that way. Sure, they vented to me about each other after it was all over - which,” you add, “by the way, was its own form of comedy.”

That gets a smile out of Jack.

“But they never asked me to tell them they were right or made me feel like I had to choose a side. I would have hated to become a carrier pigeon for their bullshit.” With a chuckle: That’s a recipe for disaster.”

“Ah yeah, miscommunication as a plot device. We covered that in English last semester.”

You laugh. “Exactly. Even then, though, they loved each other so much and they both tried their hardest to make it work, but couldn’t.”

Jack’s thinking again, looking more and more pressed by the minute as he stares at the ceiling.

“What?” You ask.

“I just -” His mouth presses into a thin line, revealing a dimple, and you thank your lucky stars you love Aaron as much as you do because right now, you’re looking at his clone. “I just...I’m trying to think of something that could, like, break you and Dad up...but I literally can’t think of anything. You guys just work.”

He’s thinking out loud, finding the question as he goes. You let him. “Even as mad as you get at each other sometimes, I’ve never been afraid. Even when you’re upset with each other you’re still...I dunno...like, two parts of the same person?” He shakes his head. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“No, my love, it does. Your father and I…”

You sigh, knowing you’re exposing yourself for the person you are, instead of hiding behind your role as a parent.

“...we need each other too much, perhaps to a fault. He’s my favorite person and my biggest weakness. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for him, and I know he’s the same way about me.” You pause. “We don’t really know how not to be a team.”

Jack’s seen that in them almost all his life. It doesn't surprise him. He’s not sure he believes in soulmates, but he’d imagine you and Aaron are pretty damn close.

His mouth twists. “I’d imagine a lot of people feel that way until the shit hits the fan.”

You nod, your head wavering from side to side. “Well...yeah. Not everyone feels that way about their spouse, though.”

“Sure,” he relents, looking a bit like a lawyer. “But if they do, how do you get to that place where you call it quits, you know? How do you decide you don’t need each other or love each other? And how do you know who’s wrong?”

Good question.

“I mean, it’s less about who’s wrong, and more about who’s right that causes all the trouble, I think, at least from an outside perspective. With your parents, they were both right in a lot of ways.”

You think for a minute, changing directions a bit. “When there are two right answers that are mutually exclusive, there’s not much you can do. Nobody’s wrong - everyone just wants what they want, and there isn’t a clear compromise. Sometimes, the compromise is too much...So, you can still love each other but not be married, like your dad and Haley.”

“Your mom left,” you continue, “because she reached a breaking point. Her needs and your dad’s needs were mutually exclusive - no compromise existed. And, again, in a lot of ways, they were both right.”

You shrug, admitting, “They both made bad choices and mistakes in that process, but nobody was the bad guy. In some ways, that’s harder. You love them, but you can’t have them in your life in that way.”

His face clears up. “That makes a lot of sense, actually. Like, I’m thinking about friends and stuff - how some friends are really great outside of school but I would never want to do a group project with them - but for...you know, marriage.”

You laugh. “Yeah, it’s a lot like that. And you were just about the only thing your parents could agree on at any given time.”

“Really?”

“Yep. They love you, and always want what’s best for you.” Your eyes flicker to the photo on Aaron’s dresser - the one of you and Haley and Jack nearly fifteen years ago, sandwiching his cheeks in kisses. “When you’re a good parent with that kind of mindset, it’s easy to work as a team for your children.”

“Like you and Dad.”

“Like me and Dad.”

Jack quiets for a minute. “Can I tell you something?”

You turn toward him, reaching kind of up and away for his hand. Your clasped fingers end up between your faces. “Always, my love.”

“Sometimes...Sometimes, I wish I looked more like you.”

Your brow pinches. “Why?” The question is soft, all curiosity.

“I dunno? I think I just like, want to resemble you because you’re my mom, you know?”

You let out a laugh. “Jack you have no idea. You should ask your father how much you resemble me.”

He shakes his head, a confused little smile on his face. “I don’t get it.”

“You have picked up eighty percent of my mannerisms and it drives your dad up the wall.” You sit up, releasing his hand and ruffling his soft dark hair as you pretzel-cross your legs. “So if we’re going by his book, you inherited plenty from me. In fact, more than enough.”

“Alright, see, now that makes sense.” Jack sits up across from you right as the door from the garage opens.

You both wait, quiet, with little smiles on your faces, listening to his car keys hit the kitchen counter (and slide a little - he tossed them), the short walk to his office where he sets his briefcase down and removes his suit jacket (to be hung up later, if he remembers). You can hear him travel to your office, checking on Isaac and looking for you, before taking the stairs two at a time to the baby’s room.

Jack looks over his shoulder and you follow his gaze, tuned into the baby monitor. There’s a shaky kind of sigh that crackles through the speaker, and you can almost see him reaching into the crib.

“If he wakes that baby up,” you say, dead serious, “I’ll kill him.”

Jack sniffs, all business. “I’ll grab the shovel and trash bags and you drive, yeah?”

You offer your hand. Jack shakes on it before dissolving into a fit of conspiratorial giggles. He falls into you, turning so his back is against your chest and his head tipped back against your shoulder.

It’s moments like this where he feels five years old again.

As big as he is and as much of a shit as he can be, he’s still the same boy.

The pair of you are so caught up in your own private joke that you don’t hear Aaron as he crosses the house and leans on the door jamb. When you both catch sight of him, it only makes you laugh harder. You wrap your arms around Jack, trapping him close to you as you hook your chin over his shoulder.

He’s examining you both, brow a little furrowed, mouth a little open in an almost-smile. He’s seen the Mom and Jack Show before - it’s a series that started about ten years ago with about a thousand episodes and no cancellation in sight. “What on earth are you two doing in here?”

Jack drops into a deadpan. “Hypothetically plotting your demise for the hypothetical instance that you hypothetically wake Elliot and hypothetically deprive Mom of her hypothetical peace and quiet.”

Aaron nods, as if deeply considering it. “I see. Well, luckily, we’ve narrowly avoided that hypothetical scenario.”

You smile at him. “So thus, you live another day. Congratulations.”

Aaron breaks with a smile, his commitment to the bit evaporating in the presence of two of his favorite faces. He toes off his shoes and crosses to you both, still all wrapped up and letting little laughs escape. He kisses Jack on the head and you lightly on the lips before flopping down on his back with a satisfied sigh.

You share a devious glance with Jack. Aaron throws a pillow over his face, his voice muffled.

“Yeah, alright, you two. That’s enough.”

+++

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ginkgomoon · 3 years

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Helios- A Character Study

I have always been fascinated by Helios so I’m especially excited about this post! If there’s any other additional information you would like to add, ask, or discuss, feel free to send an ask or a post so I can adjust and clarify for you. But before that, I have other things I want to add that are important regarding my blog- I will be expanding and analysing other characters in MLQC, so not to worry Victor, Kiro and Lucien (and Shaw, Eli?, Savin?) stans! I has't not hath left thee! In addition, before every analysis/study that I do, I will post a hint (such a quote) that will foreshadow the upcoming character/topic I will be covering. I know it’s not necessary and literally nobody does it but this is great fun for me so I also want to try to make it fun for you guys to approach my blog and my work! This is a spoiler buffet. Please don’t read if you don’t want to be spoiled! This is probably the longest post ever on my blog so enjoy :)

“You either die a hero or live long enough to become a villain.” -The Dark Knight

Who is Helios?

??: Do you know what Helios means? The mocking in his face had returned. He suddenly came close and placed his hand on the window behind me. I was imprisoned in his arms and couldn’t move. His eyes drilled into my own. I felt that if I showed even the smallest hint of discomfort or fear, he would use that as an excuse to push me away. MC: Helios is the sun god from Greek mythology- ??: I don’t like that name.

Helios is the God of the Sun, sight and a guardian of oaths. He is seen to be riding a golden chariot to bring the sun across the skies each day from east (where the sun rises) to west (where the sun sets).

Kiro has lots and lots and lots of sun, light, dark and shadow imagery attached to him. Kiro is noted to be everyone’s sun, especially for MC and vice versa as she’s noted to be the one to chase the darkness away with Kiro following through. When he has those stage moments as his idol identity, it’s expected for him to be the guiding light (especially for his fans, the Kirophiles)- “the sun” and “hope” as to what “Kiro” represents, without any impurities associated with that persona. Which is ironic for Helios, who dressed mostly in black without the blonde hair, to have that same name as the God of the Sun working in BLACK SWAN- the organisation with the name literally having “black” in it as well.

“If Kiro is this exuberance and this life, Helios is the opposite of that. It’s what if we took someone who stopped finding reasons to be happy, who stopped finding a lot of things to be passionate about and was just trying to get on day by day- they react to the things that happen to them, rather than going out to look for adventure. Helios lacks a lot of emotion that Kiro has.” -Sean Chiplock, Kiro’s VA

Kiro and Helios

“If I had a dark side… I should hide it from others, right…? Can I really be imperfect?”

There had been a lot of discussion around Helios in relation to his transformation, whether he was acting and what Kiro’s connection with BLACK SWAN is.

To clarify, yes- Kiro is Helios. Helios is Kiro. Just like how Kiro admitted to MC that he’s also the hacker KEY. Helios is just one of the personas that Kiro has (which I will expand on in a future post). This, however, does not hinder negatively on Kiro’s personality, but introduces us to another side of him, one that shows effective in-depth characterisation. Especially when we first view him as the cheerful idol with the power to passively attract others. Kiro first gave off the certain impression to Sean Chiplock that you “don’t take off the calm and quiet person, because you don’t want to see the other side of them”.

Kiro and Helios, which one was the real him? Neither? Or both? -Clinic Date

Before MC has her first encounter with Helios, we have to look more into Kiro’s background and childhood.

Kiro was experimented on as a kid. He didn’t know his name, his birthday or where he came from. Through the experiments of genetic modification, he obtained his evol. Only when MC and the original KEY came to him, did he really strive to fulfil his sense of purpose of “we shall stand in darkness as we defend the light”, and also to protect MC back. His mentor used to be the original Helios, one of the twelve-ranking positions in BLACK SWAN, but went missing when Kiro was 15. Been given the name Kiro, using his idol identity, accepted this as Helios and as of the leader of BLACK SWAN to rid Leto- the true evil of the Season 1 timeline.

It is evident that he does genuinely care about his fans, his career and music despite all of this. This aspect of him is very much true (we see that he exposes a person scamming his fans in Chapter 3 and that in his various dates he dedicates his work to comforting his fans in their everyday lives). However, with this much love and support from everyone with very few knowing his true intentions and darker past, it is easy to “trip up” upon these identities, in a way that he would feel so lonely (as I reiterate what I said above) that everyone would think he’s the perfect man (not saying he isn’t because we all know he is!) without any troubles or experiencing difficulties climbing up the ranks to be where he is now- especially with his evol being charm and control. He would wonder if it’s really him or his evol making people act this way towards him (why he has this much love and attention).

In reality, every teacher who has met him adored him very much. But because of this, Kiro always remained in fear. From the beginning to the end, he had felt that the love and care from others was akin to smoke - surging at first, but from thereafter, dissipates gradually. -CN Stunning Young Idol Rumours and Secrets

He’s like a little sun with no dark spots at all. No wonder people say people say he has a super power. He seems to be loved by everybody… -Chapter 3-1

“A lot of people adore me, but only when I’m doing my thing on stage. They wouldn’t want to see me now...” -Visiting Hours Date

It would be incredibly hard for him to keep this standard and uphold these burdens with his identity as Helios and KEY as well- where everyone would believe those personas of him to be the “vice”- the “evil”, in morality play. Because when the people who love you only know and love this side of you, what becomes of you when you lose it all?

Superstar Kiro was a little angel who received the admiration and respect of thousands and thousands of fans. What the hacker KEY sounded like was someone with malicious intentions.

Kiro didn’t know which one of his identities was more famous. Though of course, nobody would correlate these two polar-opposite identities together. -CN Heavens Home for Children Rumours and Secrets

He always looked so carefree in front of people, smiling and laughing. But when he was alone in the corner, he always looked so solemn and tired. Countless times, Savin had wanted to talk to Kiro about his work, life and feelings but with just a few words, Kiro would always put him to ease. -That Boy Makes Me Worry Rumours and Secrets

However, behind his brilliant smile, I could occasionally feel something different. It was like paper that couldn't be penetrated. After all, he was a superstar. Ordinary people like us wouldn't understand their world, they must have one or two faces of their own behind the screen. -Secret Base Rumours and Secrets

In the makeup room, sitting on the sofa, Kiro had lost some shine he had under the spotlight and looked a little bit exhausted. -Confession Date

In a way, Kiro still staying so pure and happy when others are around is because he doesn’t want people to suffer like he did. He had an extremely rough time when he was young, but his beliefs, light and hope that MC gave him allowed him to fight for better days.

I then thought about the superstar Kiro many years later, who was always shining and effortlessly charming. This made me really sentimental. How many things must he have been through to become strong enough to bring light to other people? -Echoes of Time: Parisian Salon

She looked so pretty when she smiled, and she also had a father who loved her dearly. She was definitely… someone who deserved to live the most. -CN Top Experimental Subject Rumours and Secrets

His dazzling smile conceals something underneath, just like how the dazzling sun shrouds darkness underneath. Hidden in the depths of his own secrets are things even darkness doesn’t know of. If darkness had a mind of its own, it might think it doesn’t fit with this pure and simple youth. Just as how everyone thinks of him as a simple, innocent Kiro, the sunlight casted on him, able to pierce through him completely, with rays of light refracting onto the floor. Actually, since a very long time ago, he no longer was a youth… But now, for her sake, he’s willing to become a youth again. -CN Youthhood Rumours and Secrets

The thing I like most about you is that you never admit defeat and you always stay positive. Every time I see you it's like you’re this brilliant sun and I feel charged of energy. Maybe all the lonely times I’ve been through... was so that I could meet you. -Confession Date

When they were younger, they were together as test subjects for evol. MC promised him donuts. He gave her a stuffed teddy bear. Kiro tried to help MC escape but they got caught and separated. They had spent quite some time together, so Kiro would be able to recognise MC once they had met again. Kiro had to replace another child for a top experiment, and the workers thought he’d die anyway as he was too weak. But still, he had survived and became the first and only successful subject. MC showed him that there was kindness- light- that still existed in the darkest of places. And in the darkest parts of his heart, there was MC to light those areas up for him :)

“Look, this world is so beautiful, and you don’t need to be afraid anymore.” But till now, he has yet to find her. But he remembers her eyes. And one day, he will find her within a vast sea of people.

Kiro remains speechless- quietly listening to the little girl speak. The little girl struggles to pull on his hand. Their fingers interlock together, the warmth from her palm gradually coursing into Kiro’s heart. “Don’t be afraid. I’ll protect you.” Kiro turns to look at her - to look at her perseverant brown eyes, looking at how the corners of her lips turn upwards. Kiro slowly learns how to curl the corners of his own lips from her. It’s the first smile to have appeared on his face. “This time, I’ll be the one protecting you.” Kiro says excitedly. He stands outside the airport, staring directly at the sun. “I’ll find you, and protect you. I even have a mountain of souvenirs stored in my luggage- I’ll give them to you! And my purest heart - I’ll give it to you too!” -CN Youthhood Rumours and Secrets

Helio’s Transformation

“Because only you can awaken me from darkness, no matter when.”

When Kiro transforms to Helios, it mainly affects his physical appearance. His hair grows longer and changes to colour, and his black (and super cool) NIRVANA tattoo appears. When he is weak, the tattoo fades (seen in Clinic Date.)

Nirvana- a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of death and rebirth. It represents the final goal of Buddhism.

I looked at his silver hair. It looked very natural with no signs of hair dye. In the serene moonlight, it was very beautiful. It wasn’t dyed, and it didn’t look like it turned silver because of an illness or something. -Chapter 17

Helios’s ring also plays part of his transformation. This is ultimately connected to BLACK CABIN and the 1908′s White House Explosion- when evol was born. From this high-dimensional space, Kiro is able to take on as Helios- who also known to be BS’s first generation of god. He can change upon his will, and influences from BLACK CABIN/QUEEN can cause him to lose control.

The golden hair mixed with the bright silver. He raised his finger, and the silver ring flashed. He muttered quietly, as if speaking to the ring and to himself. -Behind The Curtain Part 6: After Returning

Moonlight shone through the window, illuminating his silver hair with a golden glow for an instant. He buried his face in his right elbow, and large beads of sweat formed on his brow, as if a kind of uncanny transformation was occurring. “NOT NOW!!!” He howled hoarsely, his eyes now golden in the darkness. Residual power inside the Quarantine zone appeared to be affecting him. Violent forces jolted in the tiny space, and coursed through his obsidian ring. -Night Watchman Rumours and Secrets

Chapter 14

He turned and looked at me, his face a pallid white. His smile was still gentle. Suddenly, I felt intensely uneasy.

MC: “We’re going in, right?”

Kiro didn’t answer, his eyes intent on me gleamed with a flash of golden light above. When I looked carefully, I discovered his eyes turned into this exquisite gold like pure amber, or crystallised time.

Kiro: “I command you…”

I have never heard him sound like this before. Stiff, stern and solemn.

“All within my range of control belongs to me. Now walk onto the rooftop, lock the door, and don’t let anyone in… including me... Don’t be afraid. You’ll be okay. I said before, I will definitely succeed this time. I will always protect you.”

In saying this, he believes that his own sacrifices are necessary, no matter what the situation is. Kiro is willing to dim or even smother his own light and sun for MC to be safe and happy.

A black figure suspended in the air behind Kiro, just like scythe-toting Death himself… I seemed to see a golden-winged bird fly by, like a ray of light crossing the sky, leaving a temporary light trail in my vision.

“Death”, “golden-winged bird”, and “light”.

This sentence was highlighted in the chapters’ outline from the chapter contents. This implies the symbolism of the phoenix bird- the mythical bird that rises from the ashes and is reborn again. Kiro was captured by BLACK SWAN as punishment and had undergone modification- and was resurrected as Helios.

Chapter 17

He was standing in front of me. Half of his face was hidden in the shadows, but I could see the sharpness of his eyes and eyebrows. He took the notebook away from my hands before I could finish my sentence.

As MC gets tied to the table, flashbacks from suppressed memories emerge. We see Kiro and MC together being test subjects. (Fun fact- Kiro and MC’s blood type is O!)

White walls. A deserted lab. A cold med table. And a blond boy with agony in his face. Next to him lay a brown-haired girl who was unconscious. …Was that me? I looked at the blood pouring out from the IV. Tears came from my eyes. Kiro… Our lives were connected long before. But where are you now?

She finally realises that Kiro was that boy from the orphanage.

AND I JUST REALISED SOMETHING. HAS HELIOS NEVER OUTRIGHTLY ADMIT THAT HE’S NOT KIRO? LIKE HE NEVER SAID “NO”??

MC: Are you really not Kiro?

??: How long are you going to keep calling me by that wrong name?

(Yes, it’s technically the wrong name because right now he’s called Helios but he’s also technically still Kiro!)

He didn’t sound particularly annoyed, but I felt saddened.

MC: I…

I looked at his face. Every line, feature- they resembled Kiro, but at the same time wasn’t.

MC: I’m sorry… I must be wrong…

I hung my head low. His face may resemble him, but his expressions were so unlike Kiro and I didn’t want to see that.

But my intuition told me that my hunch was not wrong. If that was correct, then one of my paths was already sealed.

Helios: What makes you think that I wouldn’t? You already know where I’m from. Why are you being so naïve? I shook my head. MC: Kiro wouldn’t do this to me… An unknown emotion flashed in his eyes.

Poor Kiro, having to pretend to not know MC and act so cold towards her. It must have been incredibly hard and painful for the both of them. Please just LET THEM BE TOGETHER.

Kiro isn’t risking MC see this darker side of him. He truly doubted if anybody would accept him as Helios, because he was just so used it before as an idol having to act so perfect on screen, showing everybody what they wanted to see.

“MC. Step a meter away from him, and close your eyes.

The golden flashes in his pupils were the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes.

“I command you to forget what just happened. And I command you to forget about me. Remember, I’m just Helios.”

My memories were being erased bit by bit. Kiro was fading from my sight. His smiles, his eyes, his warmth… all of them became vague like a fog and disappeared. I tried my best to hold onto them, but it was all in useless.

Kiro… Even the name I tried to hold on till last was wrenched away from me. He watched silently as MC closed her eyes and blacked out in his arms.

“I’m sorry…”

He apologised again quietly. His eyes that once held warmth and brightness were again now filled with shadows.

“I will find the truth that you’re looking for. I don’t want you to bear that heavy burden. I’ll come back to you some day, but not today. Don’t remember my dark sides. In your eyes, I will always remain Kiro to you. After I take care of everything, things can go back the way they were between us. This time, I’ll make sure that you don’t have to wait long.”

“He looked a lot like Kiro. But it wasn’t him.”

In my palm was a small candy glistening in the sunlight. On impulse I unwrapped the paper and put it in my mouth.

MC: Apple flavour…

It somehow crossed my mind that it was Kiro’s type of flavour.

He wants MC to still have faith in him, and to trust in his abilities to protect her, as the candy is a motif for their relationship and exchange towards each other. (This was the same back in the orphanage when they were together too.) However, as his identity as Kiro, not the Helios she encountered. (Dramatic ironyyyy)

“We shall stand in darkness as we defend the light.”

Thorns Date

In the photo, Kiro looked completely different from what he usually looked like. On the glistening water, a youth held a birdcage, with a glint of melancholy in his drooping eyes. This was the last set of photos before quitting.

Kiro asked for my praise with shiny begging eyes, as if the prior sorrow and blue were all my illusions.

We stood very close to each other, yet at this moment, I felt there was a formed gap between us.

“MC, do you think the imprisoned bird can get out of the cage?”

There seemed to be a ray of golden light flashing through my mind but I couldn't catch it. (The thought that Helios came to see her?? Yes.)

I remember his distance, his apathy, yet puzzling familiarly.

Helios saw the magazine falling from my bag, his face flashing with complicated emotions I couldn’t comprehend. And I felt the familiar feeling of being touched deep in my soul.

“You like gazing at me a lot.”

Standing at the edge of the dark abyss, he opened his arms and leaned backward without hesitation. He fell straightly like a folded winged bird in the moment. (Similes, metaphors and symbolism galore!)

I sat on the ground limply and closed my eyes to avoid the dazzling light. This scene felt so familiar as I had experienced such a farewell.. Why?

My senses told me this man was Helios, yet the feelings from deep of my heart were so real.

“Helios! Do you… know how the imprisoned bird can get out of the cage?”

“Why do you think I will answer this question?” Behind such eyes, there seemed to be something else I couldn’t make out in the shadow.

I seemed to see him unfold a pair of black wings on his back and about to flutter away. No more cages could imprison him and nothing could make him stop. Helios walked from the bright light into the shadow.

He recalled her last question and her sad and confused eyes. Suddenly he recalled an ancient story. There was a kind of bird. It was always trapped in the thorns of fate from the moment of its birth. If the most beautiful thing was doomed to be exchanged with the deepest pain. He would overcome all obstacles to come back to her. And be her sun again.

The story that Helios recalled could be The Nightingale by Hans Christian Andersen.

In Ancient China, one of the forests lived a nightingale, who sang so beautifully everybody would stop and listen. The nightingale was renowned to be the best wonder out of all the things that the travellers abroad had ever seen. However, the Emperor of China didn’t know that such a bird existed, and demand to have it found.

The bird had come willingly to sing for the Emperor, singing so sweetly that tears came out of everybody’s eyes. The nightingale lived in the court thereafter, until one day the Emperor had received a mechanical copy of the bird, golden with precious gems and all. The nightingale had left, and all the courtiers had said that it was an ungrateful creature. It was therefore banished from the empire.

The mechanical bird had stopped working, only being able to play once every year. Five years had passed, and the Emperor fell ill that nobody expected him to live. Death had arrived to the Emperor as he prayed for the bird to sing a note. The living nightingale had appeared again, and had come to sing out of trust and hope for the Emperor. Death went to look at the Emperor’s renowned garden as the Emperor was thankful for the bird’s singing. She sang again, and the sun rose through the window and as everybody thought the Emperor had passed. The Emperor wanted the nightingale to stay by his side but it refused. It cannot live in the palace, but promised to visit the Emperor to sing to him.

Similar to Chapter 14, in this date, Kiro is represented as the bird, trapped in the cage. He had to release what everyone wanted him to be- Kiro, the shining sun/bird trapped in the cage under their control- ironic how his evol is absolute control because his charm would have drawn people this way in as a result. And the only way to be free was to be resurrected, to escape, to disappear from public view- to become free as Helios.

Light Pursuit Date

“Will you forget me?”

Kiro was becoming faint like a water mist. Panicking, I reached out to grab him but he slipped away from my fingers. An invisible wall had come between us and I couldn’t get close to him. This one step was like an unbridgeable gap between us, but it was like a line that we could never cross.

Will I forget Kiro? That sudden question in my head became clearer, and made me tremble in panic.

He had the name of a sun god, but even I couldn’t feel any bit of warmth.

MC: What is Helios here for?

Helios: We meet again, MC.

This was the first time that Helios called me by my name. He was brusque as ever, but there seemed to be a small amount of yearning in his voice. He did not act the way like the Helios that I used to know. His attitude and manners were surprisingly refined… like he was acting out a whole different persona.

The music changed into Por Una Cabeza- the tango song that I was very familiar with.

(I absolutely love the intertextuality that the game has. It’s a Spanish tango song that was also appeared in Scent of a Woman starring Al Pacino where the tango scene featured a blind man dancing with a woman who didn’t know how to dance and was scared of making mistakes. This correlates perfectly for MC and Helios. MC’s body is reacting to Helios as if he was Kiro...)

I didn’t drink, but I felt drunk somehow. Otherwise how else would this reachable warmth and illusion of intimacy familiar?

We were so close to each other, but the distance between us was only one step away, but a step we could never cross.

Helios looked up when he heard my voice. His eyes seemed to have trouble focusing. His blue eyes wavered like a lake sprinkling with sunlight. Surprisingly, there was sorrow, and naivety in those usually unfeeling eyes.

He lowered his head and his chin rested on my shoulder. I have never seen Helios so vulnerable. His hands were wrapped around my waist, leaving no space between us. Helios didn’t answer and continued to keep me pressed to his body. There was a deep aura of loneliness and bitterness about him that was barely discernible from his cold exterior.

Because to me, you were familiar to someone I deeply care about. Because my soul resonates when I am close to you. Because…. of a ridiculous assumption. Did I reach the edge of truth? Or was I just deceiving myself? A thick fog was obscuring me from seeing the truth clearly. I didn’t continue talking or thinking. MaybeI was so vaguely aware that this was the closest I could get to him. Only one step away but a distance I could never close.

MC is also scared. She’s in turmoil. She wants to know the truth but she’s also sitting on the fence with it. Especially due to the memory wipe. It’s like, “maybe it’s better if I don’t,” and “I think you are that someone I care so much about but I can’t be sure about it because even if I ask you, you won’t tell me, and I don’t know what to do.”

Stardust Date

Kiro: That’s right. I’m going to a far, far place. And I will stay there for a very long, long time. Don’t cry when you start missing me. MC: I’m not going to cry!

Kiro: But I will. So promise me, alright? Don’t forget me, even if I leave.

Two days afterwards, I heard him talk to someone on the phone. I’m pretty sure it was his voice, but it sounded like he was a completely different person.

What was he trying to hide? Did it have anything to do with his “leaving”? Was it out of his own will or was he involved in something under duress?

The confident smile on his face as he glided his fingers across the keys fluently, showed his passion for this show. As songs were played after another, he became more focused. I could tell from his expression that he was fully immersed in this performance. As long as he was given a stage and music, he’d become the centre of attention no matter what position he was in. However, the more passion I saw, the more I was scared for his “leaving”. He is the sun- what will happen to his supporters when they lose him? And what about me? What will happen to me?

Light and Shadow Phone Call

MC: Is that melancholy in your voice? It’s unlike you to be down like this.

Kiro: Really? Does everyone think I’m that shallow?

MC: Of course not. But you are the brightest and warmest sun, so it’s easy to be touched by your optimistic side first.

Kiro: But right now, the sunlight is getting too strong that it’s scorching…

MC: Hmm? Is it? right now it’s sunset where you are?

Kiro: Yes. I’m sitting atop of Namibia’s Dune 45 and everything is red. Even the sun is sinking low.

MC: Soon, it will sink beyond the horizon.

Kiro: Yes… Miss Chips, Since you say I’m like the sun, and the sun eventually sets...

Kiro: If I have a dark side, I should hide it from others, right?

MC: Why should you hide it?

Kiro: Because, I don’t want to show you and I don’t want to disappoint others.

MC: But you’re just you, Kiro.

Kiro: I am who I am?

MC: Yes. Why can’t a sun have shadows? Even the real sun has sunspots! People who really care for you will love both the warm sunny side and the occasional dark, depressed side.

Kiro: But I always feel...

MC: Everyone has a side they want to hide in the shadows. No one is expected to be required as perfect. That applies to my little sun as well.

Kiro: Can I really be imperfect?

MC: Absolutely. To me, all sides of you are worth cherishing.

Kiro: Thank you, MC.

MC: What’s there to thank?

Kiro: Because… only you are willing to see the weak and plain side that I’m hiding and accept both my light and my shadow.

MC: That’s why I’m your own personal tree hole! I’ll keep your sorrows tucked away for you!

Kiro: Thank you Miss Tree Hole. I’m so lucky to have you. In fact, you are my sun who gives me light to embrace the world every morning. Thank you, for always being there by my side.

This call is so significant for Kiro, and his battle between light and dark. After his evol went out of control, he’s afraid of hurting his fans and MC. Similes and metaphors are used to compare his evol/different personas as the sun and how it will soon go down. He confronts the truth that he will also have to leave the public view soon, and uses this opportunity of the call to confirm what MC thinks if he had imperfections/shadow sides. And of course, to thank her before he leaves.

Chapter 21 (Winter World)

He was so fast that his moves were a blur. He dodged every attack and landed his own with grace and strength. It was like watching a silver moonlight dancing in flowing moves.

“You seem to be completely ignorant about how weak you are.”

I was trapped in a little cage he made with his body against the wall. The cruelty in his face crumbled the last of my shields. he didn’t stop there. He leaned in with his whole body hemming me into the confined space he created.

Helios: Weaklings should learn to survive on their own. No one will teach you that.

MC: I don’t want to be a weakling forever.

Helios: Then you better figure out how to become stronger.

He dropped his sarcastic tone. Instead, each syllable fell from his mouth with upmost earnestness.

Helios: Use all your strength. Every method you can think of. Abandon your past...even abandon yourself. If you can’t do that, then just go back tot the world you came from.

1562 clutched tightly on his friend’s blanket, refusing to let go. However, in the end, he was shoved onto the ground because his strength was too weak. He had collided so hard that he couldn’t get up for a long while. -CN Top Experimental Subject Rumours and Secrets

If MC hadn’t come, then there would be no real sun in his life. He would only have artificial light. And he would be right- Helios would be just Helios. He wouldn’t bother much about fans or music, but using this identity to climb the system. He had to learn the hard way on how to survive. Nobody was there for him, thus it would be harder for him to feel empathy towards others in situations other than this.

The sun had risen completely. The increasing bright light drowned everything that belonged in the darkness. Helios remembered that day a long time ago. In the darkness, the withered hand touched his head and said faintly, “become Kiro, be the so-called “sun”.

At that time, he had lowered his eyes, nodded blankly, and simply walked out into the night, emitting a false light that was not his own. But today… Helios looked off into the distance, and seeing the dazzling morning light, he remembered the girl… At that moment, he saw the real sun. -Between Light and Darkness Rumours and Secrets

From “Behind The Curtain”, MC fell into the space-time gap and was saved by Helios. Even though he couldn’t see her as they were in different dimensions, she could be influenced by him. This wasn’t the first time that he’s tugged on that bond tying them together to BLACK CABIN. Thank you Helios also for helping bring MC back to her original world.

Chapter 28

Kiro: You should know about everything that I’ve done.

MC: I know that... you’re Helios.

Kiro’s eyes flickered and blinked at me. The golden hair under the now eclipsed sunlight seem to have an extra glow to it. Kiro: Is my name really that important?

MC: Why did you hide it from me? I trusted that you would tell me. That no matter what name you had, you really wouldn’t change...

Kiro: If a superhero were to turn into an arch-villain, would those who always believed in him lose hope? What he want most is for you to be a fairy, free of all cares. Not getting hurt, not getting worries, whose only responsibility is receiving signals and joy and happiness.

Kiro: However, if she is determined to go do something difficult, and she wants to bear this burden on her own... then I wish for her to be a little superhero, who can fly through it all with ease.

Chapter 29

“Don’t get all angry. The person beside you didn't even notice any difference between us. Or put it another way, it seems that “you” aren’t important in this role that you’re playing. Anybody can replace you.” -Anole

Anole is wrong (and just jealous). MC did notice, and plus, he probably wouldn’t have survived in the top experiment that Kiro had undergone in the orphanage. That was something only Kiro would have survived, with his willpower and determination in his heart to make a better life for himself and MC- something that Anole clearly lacks.

I had never seen Helios laugh before. His smile wasn't as dazzling as his golden-haired counterpart’s, but one could say that if the former him was the sun, then his smile was now a gentle moon.

THE IRONYYY. Helios is finally okay with showing this side of him to her, from watching her go through trials and tribulations in the Winter World with the other Helios- of course he wouldn’t want any danger to be near MC, but knowing that she can handle anything after all that she went through, he now knows that it’s better for her to be with him instead. Also he learnt how to smile from her and now he’s smiling again as Helios and I’m just so happy

Whether in the face of violent, nefarious enemies or a wave of blood and bullets, he’d never shown any fear. I got the feeling that he was somehow nervous, or even afraid. Was it because he had to return into the spotlight, back the shower of roses and applause?

Well… when he decided to give all that up and step into the darkness with no turning back, what was he thinking then?

He leaned on the wall and rested awhile, staring intently at the black tattoo on his right arm… he looked at himself in the mirror. His silver strands of hair were tingled with gold, as if bathed in sunlight. And for only that one time, he didn’t avert his gaze from the desire in his eyes. It was like looking at a self portrait—so distant, yet so familiar. It was only now that he realised: this was the moment in his life most worth reliving. Once again, he had become Kiro.

In the PV/Karma (photo down below), we see him wearing black- not as Helios but as Kiro! Again, ironic how he’s holding a comeback concert he’s wearing black, a colour that represents darkness and shadows. It had been noted in the Snooper Rumours and Secrets that this is way out of Kiro’s style wardrobe. However, this signifies a range of things. The two personas are “merging” as he no longer hides this persona to MC- they’re one in the same. It has always been this way and will never change. The colour black also means power and authority, but can mean fear and grief. This is the same outfit when Kiro was doubting himself in the Light Pursuit Date as well.

Right now, if we’re talking moon phases, Kiro right now is in “the void”. Meaning he’s “nowhere”. He’s Kiro but he’s also operating as Helios. He feels nervous to go back but it does come so natural for him to be in the spotlight. He feels stuck at crossroads with himself, especially when he got forced back to perform by Anole.

Ultimately, it’s like he’s saying “no matter what becomes of me, I will always stay true to you.” And I think this is perfectly translated as Kiro says,

“Miss Chips, wait for me.”

(”Wait for me as I fight for us both. So you don’t have to suffer.”) But we suffer either way.

His light and sun has always come from MC. He will always keep running towards his sun, no matter which persona he embodies. This, we can be certain on. (New Season 2 Chapters please don’t oppose this LOL.)

“I await you at the end of the opposite path.”

#26 pages long #I actually love his voice so much #mlqc #mlqc kiro #mlqc helios #helios #mr love queens choice #love and producer #mlqc cn #mlqc en #恋与制作人 #mlqc analysis #mlqc translation #mlqc zhou qiluo #zhou qilou #kiro #mlqc spoilers

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ssa-steverogers · 3 years

Text

TFAWTS FINALE SPOILERS BELOW

AHHHHGGHGGGGGGHHHHHHHHOMFGAHGGHGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGHHHHHHHHHHHOMFGOMGFGGAGAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHOMCOMGOMGOMAGAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOMFOMGOMGOMFN I CANT VELEIVE IT THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL WHAT THE FUCK I CANT BELIEVE IT I WONT BE ABLE TO EXPERIENCE THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME AGAIN

OKAY HOLD YOUR HORSES EVERYONE LET ME JUST- SHARON. FUCKING SHARON I KNEW IT. AGATHA SHARON ALL ALONG. GUYS SAME TYPE BEAT ALRIGHT. I WAS ALSO LIKE OMFG ISNT THAT KIND OF OUT OF CHARCTER KNOWING HER ROLD IN CA:TWS BUT I MEAN SHIELD IS GONE THE WORLD IS DIFFERENT NOW AND SHES OBVIOUSLY BEEN THRU A BUNCH AND OMFGGGG I KNEW IT. BUT OH GOD IM ALSO IN SHOCKKKK THE CARTER FAMILY NAME 😭😭😭 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PEGGY GORL WHAT HAS SHARON DONE TO YOUR LEGACY BABY

ALSO BUCKY 😭😭😭😭 WHAT THE FRICK. HIS FACE WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO YURI OMFG OMFG “i didn’t have a choice” AND OMFF HIS WORDING WAS ACTUALLY SO IMPORTANT HERE. HE’S SAD AND DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY WHICH IS WHY HIS WORDS SOUND ‘IRREGULAR’ FROM REGULAR VOCABULARY AND THANK MOTHERFUCKIN JESUS MARVEL MADE SURE TO APLIFY THAT SCENE BUT OMFG I WISH WE GOT MORE OF BUCKY IN THAT PART WITH HIS REAL EMOTIONS BECAUSE THIS IS OBVIOUSLY HIS TRANSITION TO LETTING GO OF WHAT THE WINTER SOLDIER ORIGINAL STOOD FOR AND MOVING ONTO A NEW IDENTITY AND FINDING HIMSELF SO I JUST WISH THERE WAS MORE OF THE SIDE OF THE PAIN HE REALLY HAD TO FACE BUT WE DID GET A GOOD HANDFUL. BUT HES OBVIOUSLY FOUND A HOME WITH SAM NOW 🥺 HES LETTING THE KIDS PLAY WITH HIS ARM WHICH MEANS HES NOT AFRAID OF HURTING ANYONE ANYMORE BECAUSE OF THE WINTER SOLDIER 🥺🥺🥺 SOLID FUCKING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. AND WHEN THE SENATOR THANKS BUCKY FOR SAVING THEM HES JUST IN SHOCK FOR A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE HES NOT USED TO PEOPLE THANKING HIM FOR DOING WHAT HE DOES AND MY HEART JUST DIED FOR S MOMENT SENATE CAN STILL KISS MY ASS THO AND OMFG WHEN HE WALKS THRU THE METAL DETECTOR 😭😭😭 SEBBYS INTERVIEW FLASHBACKS AHHHHHHH. ALSO GUYS OMFG WHEN HES ON THE MOTORCYCLE WHY HE SO HOTTTTTT LIKE FOR WHATTTTT WHO LET YOU DO THISSSS SEXY MOTHER TRUCKER AND I JUST KNOW THAT BUCKY IS SO FUCKING PROUD OF SAM BEING CAP. ITS ALL HE’S KIND OF WANTED ALL ALONF 🥺🥺🥺

THE FALCON CAPTAIN AMERICA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHH OMFG I AM SHOOK. DID I SEE THAT COMING? YES. WAS I PREPARED? NO. OH GOD. I WONT RECOVER. HIS SPEECH???? OH GOD. IT DID FEEL LIKE A TINY BIT FORCED BUT I LOVED HOW THEY CHOSE TO ADRESS THAT WHILE ALSO SPEAKING ON RACE AND REALLY CONNECTING IT TO RECENT EVENTS IRL. HE WAS SO SPOT ON IT WAS SO POWERFUL. HE MENTIONS HOW THE GOVERNMENT WERE CALLING PEOPLE ‘THUGS’ AND ‘TERRORISTS’ WHEN REALLY THEY WERE FIGHTING FOR THEIR PLACE/LIVES BECAUSE THEY BELIEVED THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY AND HOW WHEN YOU CALL SOMEONE A LABEL, THEY WILL BECOME THE LABEL. I WAS LITERALLY BAWLING WHEN I SAW SAM IN HIS CAP SUIT. AND OMFG WHEN BUCKY CALLS HIM CAP??????????1!1?1??1?1? I AM DEAD. DECEASED. AND THE SCENE WITH ISAIAH?????? OH GOD I WAS CRYING. SCREAMING. OMFG AND WHEN SAM IS FIGHTING BATROC AND HE SAYS ON VA VOIR!1!1!1!!1?1!1!!1!1! I WAS CRYING. CA:TWS FLASHBACK WERE SO VIVID BABY IM DEAD. AND WHEN HE FIRMLY STATES ‘I’M CAPTAIN AMERICA’ OH GOD HOW MUCH OF A RELIEF THAT FELT TO ME???? OH GODDDDD

BUT I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS I CANT WAIT. ARE THEY GOING TO HAVE A SEASON 2????? WHILE THERE BE A MOVIE????? WHO IS VAL REALLY???? WHAT WILL US AGENT DO???? HOW WILL SHARON PLAY INTO THE FUTURE OF THE MCU????? WHAT HAPPENED TO ZEMO???????? ANYWAYS OMG ZEMO ALSO LIKE IF AYO AND THE DORA MILAJE TOOK ZEMO AWAY WHY DID HE END UP AT THE RAFT???? I FIGURED WAKANDA WOULDVE KEPT HIM BUT I GUESS NOT!!1!1!1!1!

OMG THE RAGE IN KARLI IN THIS LAST EPISODE OMFG I AM DEAD. I CALLED IT. I MENTIONED IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN SHES YOUNG AND WAS BOUND TO BECOME RECKLESS. WHEN SHES FIGHTING SAM AND HES NOT FIGHTING BACK SHE KEEPS ON URGING HIM TO DO SO. BUT SAM ISNT LIKE THAT. HE UNDERSTAND KARLI BUT KARLI THINKS HES TRYNA MANIPULATE HER (ALMOST LIKE A PARENT/CHILD RELATIONSHIP BUT NOT REALLY BUT ALSO KIND OF?????). I HAD ALSO MENTIONED BEFORE THE QUESTION OF WHEN SAM WILL REALIZE THAT ZEMO WAS ‘RIGHT’ ABOUT KARLI BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED. UNTIL THE VERY END, SAM BELIEVED THAT THERE WAS A WAY OUT FOR KARLI WHICH IS WHY I BELIEVE THAT SAM IS MORE THAN A TRILLION PERCENT PERFECT TO BE CAPTAIN AMERICA. BECAUSE, LIKE HE SAYS, HES NOT BLONDE HAIR BLUE EYES; HE JUST BELIEVES THAT WE CAN DO BETTER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 MILLIONS OF PEOPLE PROBABLY HATE HIM AND EVEN ISAIAH DOUBTED HIM BUT HIS MORALS STABD STRONG AND IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT IS TRUE ABOUT SAM IS THAT HE STANDS FOR WHAT HE BELIEVES IN, JUST LIKE CAPTAIN AMERICA SHOULD. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!1!1!1?1!1!!1!

I JUST HAVE SO MANY THINFS I HAVE TO RANT ABOUT BUT I’M LITERALLY SO EXHAUSTED FROM THE ADRENALINE RUSH I THINK I’M GOING TO PASS OUT GUYS SO GOOD NIGHT BUT OHHHHH OMFG AND THE MUSIC AND THE END 😭😭😭 SO BEAUTIFUL AND WALKER WITH THE FAKE SHIELD REALLY GOT ME HE REALLY JUST NEEDED AN OBJECT TO GET BEHIND BUT FOR SAM: SHIELD OR NO SHIELD HE WAS A GOOD PERSON EITHER WAY AND A PERFECT CAP 😩😭😭 GOODNIGHT GUYS. AHHHHHHHHHHHSNWKSKSPDKOSNSJWJNDIDINFSOSJDNIDJSSJSIAIDNODOSJSOWUWJEKDOJDSHHEKFOEJFXKILOVEBUCKYGUYSKEOSJSINDMXOXIDJFOXISNFNOCOEIFSAMISMYCAPNSKZJOSJDKCODIMISSZEMONSKSJSKDKOSKDWHAT

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dailytomlinson · 4 years

Link

A bathroom figures significantly in the origin stories of at least two classic One Direction songs. The first will be familiar to any fan: Songwriter and producer Savan Kotecha was sitting on the toilet in a London hotel room, when he heard his wife say, “I feel so ugly today.” The words that popped into his head would shape the chorus of One Direction’s unforgettable 2011 debut, “What Makes You Beautiful.”

The second takes place a few years later. Another hotel room in England — this one in Manchester — where songwriters and producers Julian Bunetta and John Ryan were throwing back Cucumber Collins cocktails and tinkering with a beat. Liam Payne was there, too. At one point, Liam got up to use the bathroom and when he re-emerged, he was singing a melody. They taped it immediately. Most of it was mumbled — a temporary placeholder — but there was one phrase: “Better than words…” A few hours later, on the bus to another city, another show — Bunetta and Ryan can’t remember where — Payne asked, maybe having a laugh, what if the rest of the song was just lyrics from other songs?

“Songs in general, you’re just sort of waiting for an idea to bonk you on the head,” Ryan says from a Los Angeles studio with Bunetta. “And if you’re sort of winking at it, laughing at it — we were probably joking, what if [the next line was] ‘More than a feeling’? Well, that would actually be tight!”

“Better Than Words,” closed One Direction’s third album, Midnight Memories. It was never a single, but became a fan-favorite live show staple. It’s a mid-tempo headbanger that captures the essence of what One Direction is, and always was: One of the great rock and roll bands of the 21st century.

July 23rd marks One Direction’s 10th anniversary, the day Simon Cowell told Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson that they would progress on The X Factor as a group. Between that date and their last live performance (so far, one can hope) on December 31st, 2015, they released five albums, toured the world four times — twice playing stadiums — and left a trove of Top 10 hits for a devoted global fan base that came to life at the moment social media was re-defining the contours of fandom.

It’d been a decade since the heyday of ‘N Sync and Backstreet Boys, and the churn of generations demanded a new boy band. One Direction’s songs were great and their charisma and chemistry undeniable, but what made them stick was a sound unlike anything else in pop — rooted in guitar rock at a time when that couldn’t have been more passé.

Kotecha, who met 1D on The X Factor and shepherded them through their first few years, is a devoted student of boy band history. He first witnessed their power back in the Eighties when New Kids on the Block helped his older sister through her teens. The common thread linking all great boy bands, from New Kids to BSB, he says, is, “When they’d break, they’d come out of nowhere, sounding like nothing that’s on the radio.”

In 2010, Kotecha remembers, “everybody was doing this sort of Rihanna dance pop.” But that just wasn’t a sound One Direction could pull off (the Wanted only did it once); and famously, they didn’t even dance. Instead, the reference points for 1D went all the way back to the source of contemporary boy bands.

“Me and Simon would talk about how [One Direction] was Beatles-esque, Monkees-esque,” Kotecha continues. “They had such big personalities. I felt like a kid again when I was around them. And I felt like the only music you could really do that with is fun, pop-y guitar songs. It would come out of left field and become something owned by the fans.”

“The guitar riff had to be so simple that my friend’s 15-year-old daughter could play it and put a cover to YouTube,” says Carl Falk

To craft that sound on 1D’s first two albums, Up All Night and Take Me Home, Kotecha worked mostly with Swedish songwriters-producers Carl Falk and Rami Yacoub. They’d all studied at the Max Martin/Cheiron Studios school of pop craftsmanship, and Falk says they were confident they could crack the boy band code once more with songs that recalled BSB and ‘N Sync, but replaced the dated synths and pianos with guitars.

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The greatest thing popular music can do is make someone else think, “I can do that,” and One Direction’s music was designed with that intent. “The guitar riff had to be so simple that my friend’s 15-year-old daughter could play it and put a cover to YouTube,” Falk says. “If you listen to ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ or ‘One Thing,’ they have two-finger guitar riffs that everyone who can play a bit of guitar can learn. That was all on purpose.”

One Direction famously finished third on The X Factor, but Cowell immediately signed them to his label, Syco Music. They’d gone through one round of artist development boot camp on the show, and another followed on an X Factor live tour in spring 2011. They’d developed an onstage confidence, but the studio presented a new challenge. “We had to create who should do what in One Direction,” Falk says. To solve the puzzle the band’s five voices presented, they chose the kitchen sink method and everyone tried everything.

“They were searching for themselves,” Falk adds. “It was like, Harry, let’s just record him; he’s not afraid of anything. Liam’s the perfect song starter, and then you put Zayn on top with this high falsetto. Louis found his voice when we did ‘Change Your Mind.’ It was a long trial for everyone to find their strengths and weaknesses, but that was also the fun part.” Falk also gave Niall some of his first real guitar lessons; there’s video of them performing “One Thing” together, still blessedly up on YouTube.

“What Makes You Beautiful” was released September 11th, 2011 in the U.K. and debuted at Number One on the singles chart there — though the video had dropped a month prior. While One Direction’s immediate success in the U.K. and other parts of Europe wasn’t guaranteed, the home field odds were favorable. European markets have historically been kinder to boy bands than the U.S.; ‘N Sync and Backstreet Boys found huge success abroad before they conquered home. To that end, neither Kotecha nor Falk were sure 1D would break in the U.S. Falk even says of conceiving the band’s sound, “We didn’t want it to sound too American, because this was not meant — for us, at least — to work in America. This was gonna work in the U.K. and maybe outside the U.K.”

Stoking anticipation for “What Makes You Beautiful” by releasing the video on YouTube before the single dropped, preceded the strategy Columbia Records (the band’s U.S. label) adopted for Up All Night. Between its November 2011 arrival in the U.K. and its U.S. release in March 2012, Columbia eschewed traditional radio strategies and built hype on social media. One Direction had been extremely online since their X Factor days, engaging with fans and spending their downtime making silly videos to share. One goofy tune, made with Kotecha, called “Vas Happenin’ Boys?” was an early viral hit.

“They instinctively had this — and it might just be a generational thing — they just knew how to speak to their fans,” Kotecha says. “And they did that by being themselves. That was a unique thing about these boys: When the cameras turned on, they didn’t change who they were.”

Social media was flooded with One Direction contests and petitions to bring the band to fans’ towns. Radio stations were inundated with calls to play “What Makes You Beautiful” long before it was even available. When it did finally arrive, Kotecha (who was in Sweden at the time) remembers staying up all night to watch it climb the iTunes chart with each refresh.

Take Me Home, was recorded primarily in Stockholm and London during and after their first world tour. The success of Up All Night had attracted an array of top songwriting talent — Ed Sheeran even penned two hopeless romantic sad lad tunes, “Little Things” and “Over Again” — but Kotecha, Falk and Yacoub grabbed the reins, collaborating on six of the album’s 13 tracks. In charting their course, Kotecha returned to his boy band history: “My theory was, you give them a similar sound on album two, and album three is when you start moving on.”

Still, there was the inherent pressure of the second album to contend with. The label wanted a “What Makes You Beautiful, Part 2,” and evidence that the 1D phenomenon wasn’t slowing down appeared outside the window of the Stockholm studio: so many fans, the street had to be shut down. Kotecha even remembers seeing police officers with missing person photos, combing through the girls camped outside, looking for teens to return to their parents.

At this pivotal moment, One Direction made it clear that they wanted a greater say in their artistic future. Kotecha admits he was wary at first, but the band was determined. To help manage the workload, Kotecha had brought in two young songwriters, Kristoffer Fogelmark and Albin Nedler, who’d arrived with a handful of ideas, including a chorus for a booming power ballad called “Last First Kiss.”

“We thought, while we’re busy recording vocals, whoever’s not busy can go write songs with these two guys, and then we’ll help shape them as much as we can,” Kotecha says. “And to our pleasant surprise, the songs were pretty damn good.”

At this pivotal moment, too, songwriters Julian Bunetta and John Ryan also met the band. Friends from the Berklee College of Music, Bunetta and Ryan had moved out to L.A. and cut a few tracks, but still had no hits to their name. They entered the Syco orbit after scoring work on the U.S. version of The X Factor, and were asked if they wanted to try writing a song for Take Me Home. “I was like, yeah definitely,” Bunetta says. “They sold five million albums? Hell yeah, I want to make some money.”

Working with Jamie Scott, who’d written two songs on Up All Night (“More Than This” and “Stole My Heart”), Bunetta and Ryan wrote “C’mon, C’mon” — a blinding hit of young love that rips down a dance pop speedway through a comically oversized wall of Marshall stacks. It earned them a trip to London. Bunetta admits to thinking the whole 1D thing was “a quick little fad” ahead of their first meeting with the band, but their charms were overwhelming. Everyone hit it off immediately.

“Niall showed me his ass,” Bunetta remembers of the day they recorded, “They Don’t Know About Us,” one of five songs they produced for Take Me Home (two are on the deluxe edition). “The first vocal take, he went in to sing, did a take, I was looking down at the computer screen and was like, ‘On this line, can you sing it this way?’ And I looked over and he was mooning me. I was like, ‘I love this guy!’”

Take Me Home dropped November 9th, just nine days short of Up All Night’s first anniversary. With only seven weeks left in 2012, it became the fourth best-selling album of the year globally, moving 4.4 million copies, per the IFPI; it fell short of Adele’s 21, Taylor Swift’s Red and 1D’s own Up All Night, which had several extra months to sell 4.5 million copies.

Kotecha, Falk and Yacoub’s tracks anchored the album. Songs like “Kiss You,” “Heart Attack” and “Live While We’re Young” were pristine pop rock that One Direction delivered with full delirium, vulnerability and possibility — the essence of the teen — in voices increasingly capable of navigating all the little nuances of that spectrum. And the songs 1D helped write (“Last First Kiss,” “Back for You” and “Summer Love”) remain among the LP’s best.

“You saw that they caught the bug and were really good at it,” Kotecha says of their songwriting. “And moving forward, you got the impression that that was the way for them.”

Like clockwork, the wheels began to churn for album three right after Take Me Home dropped. But unlike those first two records, carving out dedicated studio time for LP3 was going to be difficult — on February 23rd, 2013, One Direction would launch a world tour in London, the first of 123 concerts they’d play that year. They’d have to write and record on the road, and for Kotecha and Falk — both of whom had just had kids — that just wasn’t possible.

But it was also time for a creative shift. Even Kotecha knew that from his boy band history: album three is, after all, when you start moving on. One Direction was ready, too. Kotecha credits Louis, the oldest member of the group, for “shepherding them into adulthood, away from the very pop-y stuff of the first two albums. He was leading the charge to make sure that they had a more mature sound. And at the time, being in it, it was a little difficult for me, Rami and Carl to grasp — but hindsight, that was the right thing to do.”

“For three years, this was our schedule,” Bunetta says. “We did X Factor October, November, December. Took off January. February, flew to London. We’d gather ideas with the band, come up with sounds, hang out. Then back to L.A. for March, produce some stuff, then go out on the road with them in April. Get vocals, write a song or two, come back for May, work on the vocals, and produce the songs we wrote on the road. Back to London in June-ish. Back here for July, produce it up. Go back on tour in August, get last bits of vocals, mix in September, back to X Factor in October, album out in November, January off, start it all over again.”

That cycle began in early 2013 when Bunetta and Ryan flew to London for a session that lasted just over a week, but yielded the bulk of Midnight Memories. With songwriters Jamie Scott, Wayne Hector and Ed Drewett they wrote “Best Song Ever” and “You and I,” and, with One Direction, “Diana” and “Midnight Memories.” Bunetta and Ryan’s initial rapport with the band strengthened — they were a few years older, but as Bunetta jokes, “We act like we’re 19 all the time anyway.” Years ago, Bunetta posted an audio clip documenting the creation of “Midnight Memories” — the place-holder chorus was a full-throated, perfectly harmonized, “I love KFC!”

For the most part, Bunetta, Ryan and 1D doubled down on the rock sound their predecessors had forged, but there was one outlier from that week. A stunning bit of post-Mumford festival folk buoyed by a new kind of lyrical and vocal maturity called “Story of My Life.”

“This was a make or break moment for them,” Bunetta says. “They needed to grow up, or they were gonna go away — and they wanted to grow up. To get to the level they got to, you need more than just your fan base. That song extended far beyond their fan base and made people really pay attention.”

Production on Midnight Memories continued on the road, where, like so many bands before them, One Direction unlocked a new dimension to their music. Tour engineer Alex Oriet made it possible, Ryan says, building makeshift vocal booths in hotel rooms by flipping beds up against the walls. Writing and recording was crammed in whenever — 20 minutes before a show, or right after another two-hour performance.

“It preserved the excitement of the moment,” Bunetta says. “We were just there, doing it, marinating in it at all times. You’re capturing moments instead of trying to recreate them. A lot of times we’d write a song, sing it in the hotel, produce it, then fly back out to have them re-sing it — and so many times the demo vocals were better. They hadn’t memorized it yet. They were still in the mood. There was a performance there that you couldn’t recreate.”

Midnight Memories arrived, per usual, in November 2013. And, per usual, it was a smash. The following year, 1D brought their songs to the environment they always deserved — stadiums around the world — and amid the biggest shows of their career, they worked on their aptly-titled fourth album Four. The 123 concerts 1D had played the year before had strengthened their combined vocal prowess in a way that opened up an array of new possibilities.

“We could use their voices on Four to make something sound more exciting and bigger, rather than having to add too many guitars, synths or drums,” Ryan says.

“They were so much more dynamic and subtle, too,” Bunetta adds. “I don’t think they could’ve pulled off a song like ‘Night Changes’ two albums prior; or the nuance to sing soft and emotionally on ‘Fireproof.’ It takes a lot of experience to deliver a restrained vocal that way.”

“A lot of the songs were double,” Bunetta says, “like somebody might be singing about their girlfriend, but there was another meaning that applied to the group as well.”

Musically, Four was 1D’s most expansive album yet — from the sky-high piano rock of “Steal My Girl” to the tender, tasteful groove of “Fireproof” — and it had the emotional range to match. Now in their early twenties, songs like “Where Do Broken Hearts Go,” “No Control,” “Fool’s Gold” and “Clouds” redrew the dramas and euphorias of adolescence with the new weight, wit and wanton winks of impending adulthood. One Direction wasn’t growing up normally in any sense of the word, but they were becoming songwriters capable of drawing out the most relatable elements from their extraordinary circumstances — like on “Change Your Ticket,” where the turbulent love affairs of young jet-setters are distilled to the universal pang of a long goodbye. There were real relationships inspiring these stories, but now that One Direction was four years into being the biggest band on the planet, it was natural that the relationships within the band would make it into the music as well.

“I think that on Four,” Bunetta says with a slight pause, “there were some tensions going on. A lot of the songs were double — like somebody might be singing about their girlfriend, but there was another meaning that applied to the group as well.”

He continues: “It’s tough going through that age, having to spread your wings with so many eyeballs on you, so much money and no break. It was tough for them to carve out their individual manhood, space and point of view, while learning how to communicate with each other. Even more than relationship things that were going on, that was the bigger blanket that was in there every day, seeping into the songs.”

Bunetta remembers Zayn playing him “Pillowtalk” and a few other songs for the first time through a three a.m. fog of cigarette smoke in a hotel room in Japan.

“Fucking amazing,” he says. “They were fucking awesome. I know creatively he wasn’t getting what he needed from the way that the albums were being made on the road. He wanted to lock himself in the studio and take his time, be methodical. And that just wasn’t possible.”

A month or so later, and 16 shows into One Direction’s “On the Road Again” tour, Zayn left the band. Bunetta and Ryan agree it wasn’t out of the blue: “He was frustrated and wanted to do things outside of the band,” Bunetta says. “It’s a lot for a young kid, all those shows. We’d been with them for a bunch of years at this point — it was a matter of when. You just hoped that it would wait until the last album.”

Still, Bunetta compares the loss to having a finger lopped off, and he acknowledges that Harry, Niall, Liam and Louis struggled to find their bearings as One Direction continued with their stadium tour and next album, Made in the A.M. Just as band tensions bubbled beneath the songs on Four, Zayn’s departure left an imprint on Made in the A.M. Not with any overt malice, but a song like “Drag Me Down,” Bunetta says, reflects the effort to bounce back. Even Niall pushing his voice to the limits of his range on that song wouldn’t have been necessary if Zayn and his trusty falsetto were available.

But Made in the A.M. wasn’t beholden to this shake-up. Bunetta and Ryan cite “Olivia” as a defining track, one that captures just how far One Direction had come as songwriters: They’d written it in 45 minutes, after wasting a whole day trying to write something far worse.

“When you start as a songwriter, you write a bunch of shitty songs, you get better and you keep getting better,” Ryan says. “But then you can get finicky and you’re like, ‘Maybe I have to get smart with this lyric.’ By Made in the A.M. … they were coming into their own in the sense of picking up a guitar, messing around and feeling something, rather than being like, ‘How do I put this puzzle together?’”

After Zayn’s departure, Bunetta and Ryan said it became clear that Made in the A.M. would be One Direction’s last album before some break of indeterminate length. The album boasts the palpable tug of the end, but to One Direction’s credit, that finality is balanced by a strong sense of forever. It’s literally the last sentiment they leave their fans on album-closer “History,” singing, “Baby don’t you know, baby don’t you know/We can live forever.”

In a way, Made in the A.M. is about One Direction as an entity. Not one that belonged to the group, but to everyone they spent five years making music for. Four years since their hiatus and 10 years since their formation, the fans remain One Direction’s defining legacy. Even as all five members have settled into solo careers, Ryan notes that baseless rumors of any kind of reunion — even a meager Zoom call — can still set the internet on fire. The old songs remain potent, too: Carl Falk says his nine-year-old son has taken to making TikToks to 1D tracks.

“Most of them weren’t necessarily musicians before this happened, but they loved music, and they found a love of creating, writing and playing,” Kotecha says

There are plenty of metrics to quantify One Direction’s reach, success and influence. The hard numbers — album sales and concert stubs — are staggering on their own, but the ineffable is always more fun. One Direction was such a good band that a fan, half-jokingly, but then kinda seriously, started a GoFundMe to buy out their contract and grant them full artistic freedom. One Direction was such a good band that songwriters like Kotecha and Falk — who would go on to make hits with Ariana Grande, the Weeknd and Nicki Minaj — still think about the songs they could’ve made with them. One Direction was such a good band that Mitski covered “Fireproof.”

But maybe it all comes down to the most ineffable thing of all: Chance. Kotecha compares success on talent shows like The X Factor to waking up one morning and being super cut — but now, to keep that figure, you have to work out at a 10, without having done the gradual work to reach that level. That’s the downfall for so many acts, but One Direction was not only able, but willing, to put in the work.

“They’re one of the only acts from those types of shows that managed to do it for such a long time,” Kotecha says. “Five years is a long time for a massive pop star to go nonstop. I know it was tiring, but they were fantastic sports about it. They appreciated and understood the opportunity they had — and, as you can see, they haven’t really stopped since. Most of them weren’t necessarily musicians before this happened, but they loved music, and they found a love of creating, writing and playing. To have these boys — that had been sort of randomly picked — to also have that? It will never be repeated.”

#rolling stone #ROLLING STONE SAID ROCK BAN SO ITS A ROCK B AND PERIDOT #220720 #10years1d #one direction

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thesweetestkimberry · 3 years

Note

hii, hope you're doing well and enjoyed christmas with your family! can you maybe make a drabble or something similar based on a song? bc every time i listen to "tuyo by rodrigo amarante" i cant help but associate it with todoroki for some reason, anyways, if you can't it's completely fine! also: i really like your writing 💜

tuyo

pairings: shoto todoroki x latina!reader

summary: shoto hears your music and he suddenly becomes very interested in the language.

warnings: spanish, fluff, kissing, think that’s it?

notes: HI! THANK YOU,, YES I HAD A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS AND I HOPE YOU DID AS WELL, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, IM SORRY ITS SO LATE,, AND THANK YOU FOR READING 😭

『° 。✰˚⋆☾⋆。✰°』

it was finally the weekend, homework finished and your next two days off, you decided it was about time to clean your room.

turning on your playlist, you danced and sang along to the familiar notes and words that flowed out of your speaker.

shoto looked up from his book, almost as if he were trying to see the music notes that had had their way to his room. granted they were slightly muffled, but the music made him want to sway.

his curiosity got the better of him, setting his book down and poking his head out the door, trying to get a feel as to where the music would be coming from.

realizing it wasn’t on his side of the dorms, he made his way to the female side of the dorms, noticing that the music was in fact coming from this side of the building.

with what little information he had, he was able to pinpoint the music as coming from your room. see, shoto had been keeping his eye on you, not in the sense as he had midoriya, but in a normal boyish way. simply, you had caught his eye.

over the course of the semester, you’d taken on the job of cracking open shoto’s exterior. you joked that it was both too hot and or too cold for people to get even remotely close to him, but you always insisted that the high or low temperatures never bothered you.

with that visual in mind, shoto could say that you used a fire extinguisher and a lighter to melt away his front, finally being able to get close enough to him to talk.

sure he was a little rough around the edges, but you understood, and once todoroki had come clean to you about his childhood, you knew you were never going to leave his side.

smiling at the memory, he found his way to your room, knocking and waiting for your response. he could hear you singing inside, not fazed by his knocking at all, so he could only assume that you couldn’t hear him.

trying the knob, he found it unlocked, turning it and opening up the door. to his amusement, not only were you singing, you were also dancing with your broom as your partner, hips swaying and feet moving along to the rhythm.

he leaned against the doorway with a small smirk, loving the way you had completely immersed yourself in your own element.

“todoroki!” you shouted in surprise, your face flushing a few shades darker in embarrassment, him having caught you in such a scenario.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to startle you.” came his response, still standing under the doorway, “well don’t just stand there? come in!” you allow, going back to sweeping as he entered and gently shut the door behind him.

you’d turned down the volume, it was still loud enough that it filled the room, but it was low enough to the point where he could hear you mumbling along to it.

“you have a lovely voice.” he said, not looking up, almost surprised by his own words. turning to look at him with wide eyes, you felt your face getting hot once more. that seemed to be how it usually felt whenever you were around him.

before you could thank him, he spoke again, “it’s spanish, correct?” he asks, fiddling with his thumbs while trying to keep it together.

“yep,” you begin, setting your broom against the wall, “are you familiar?” you ask, sitting next to shoto who had taken a seat on your bed.

“no unfortunately, my father only had me learn english and french.” he muttered, annoyed with his father for not hiring him a spanish tutor amongst tutors for all other things. even when he was enrolled in a private academy as a child, he was made to learn english first and foremost.

“i hear your music constantly, and it sounds wonderful,” He said, head still hung, “i just wish i could understand it in the way you do.” you smile at him, surprised that he’s taken an interest in your language.

“i could teach you some if you’d like.” you offer him. he seemed to have liked the idea, because his head shot up and his mismatched eyes met yours, “yes please!” he said with a nod.

“how about this song?” he suggests, your brain now going to tune into the music that’s been playing, breaking out of focus on the way his eyes looked at you.

you listened to the words, flustering a bit at the song he decided to focus on.

“Soy el fuego que arde tu piel. Soy el agua que mata tu sed” you repeated the lyrics, watching as his eyes widened a bit at your pronunciation and how easy the words seemed to slip off your tongue. the language he wanted to learn because he loved the ways your eyes brightened when you spoke it.

“what does it mean?” he asks you, unconsciously scooting in closer, “i’m the fire that burns your skin. i am the water that kills your thirst.” you translate, immediately seeing his eyes darken a bit as he pulls away.

“why would they want to be the fire that burns you?” he asks, mind immediately going to the place it was in before midoriya helped him.

“it’s not said in a literal sense.” you giggle at his honest confusion, his eyes softening at the sound of your quiet laughter.

when you looked back up, your breath hitched at how close the two of you were, you could almost feel his breath fanning over your face. you couldn’t help the flicker of your eyes that went from his lips to his eyes, only to see him staring back at you,

“La garganta que ansío mojar. Que temo ahogar de amor. Y cuales deseos me vas a dar?” you mumble, afraid to move, the way you would when you see a deer in the woods, afraid to scare it off.

“what does that mean?” he whispers, you catch his eyes move down to your lips, staying there for a moment, his intense gaze making you lick your lips.

“The throat that I long to wet. That I fear to drown with love. And which desires will you give me?” you say, and as if the two of you couldn’t hold back any longer, leaning in, your lips are pressed together.

his hand goes to hold your neck, pulling you closer to him. your hands fly to his shoulders while his other hand goes to your waist, and with a gentle tug, you find yourself straddling his lap, never breaking the kiss.

as the song finishes, you pull away, foreheads resting against one another. you can’t help the laugh that escapes your belly, the sound mesmerizing him, however he can’t hold back his own chuckles.

“are all of your spanish lessons like this? if so, i’d gladly have you be my teacher.” he says smugly making you laugh and pull him into another kiss.

#todoroki shoto x reader #bnha shoto todoroki #shoto x reader #shoto torodoki #latina reader #shoto todoroki x reader

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vampiric-daydreams · 4 years

Text

Severance

Jasper x Reader

This is Part 4 of the Jasper miniseries. Here is Part 1.

Summary: Jasper approaches you one evening and tries to make things right - but between your fear and your lust, you find time to question the motives of him and the rest of his family.

Word Count: 5,057

“(Y/N), please come with me.” Jasper’s voice pulled you out of your shock. You never thought you’d ever see Jasper Hale standing in your bedroom. Sure, you’d thought about it almost every night, but you never thought he’d be standing there under these conditions.

“No.” Your voice sounded firm. You kept your breath steady, refusing to succumb to the hysterics that had preyed on you earlier that day. His molten gold eyes softened. He took a cautious step towards you, but stopped as you met him with a glare.

“You figured it out all on your own,” he spoke his words slowly, as if he was afraid of scaring you away again. “I know you have a lot of questions, and I will answer them for you. But before I do, I need to be sure we’re talking about the same thing. I need you to say the word out loud.”

“You say it.”

He exhaled sharply, “I can’t. I can’t say anything until I know you’ve put it together entirely on your own.”

It was there, lingering in your mouth, impatient to be spoken but afraid to drip from your tongue. “Va-” It wouldn’t come out. Just say it. Vampire. You were in love with a vampire.

“Please, (Y/N).” Was he serious about telling you the truth, or was this all a ploy to see if they could trust you? Did they send him here to kill you? All of this had started from your silly crush on him. Was it his job to dispose of you?

You swallowed hard, and then the word fell out. “Vampire.”

The word hung in the atmosphere, turning the frigid air so brittle it could snap. He glued his eyes to you, but you could only look at the ground as your cheeks burned. How silly it sounded out loud. You may as well have called him a fairy. Your teeth nipped at your bottom lip as your last shred of confidence diminished, stranding you with dread and anticipation for the mocking laughter that never came.

Jasper denied nothing.

“I tried to give you answers at school today, but you wouldn’t follow me.” He took another step towards you; careful and steady, leaving a muddy footprint in his wake.

“Are you going to kill me because I found out?” You looked at him then. He seemed so out of place, surrounded by your mess; and thoughts of dreams you’d had of him coming to your room like this contrasted with the cold reality that threatened to devour you.

“No,” Jasper stopped you in your tracks. “We aren’t like that. We’re different from our kind, we don’t hurt humans.”

“But don’t you… drink blood?” That brought your attention to each pulse of your heart. It made you aware of the warmth rushing through your veins; and how gratifying it might feel for Jasper if he sank his teeth into the soft flesh guarding your neck.

Jasper took another wary step closer to you. “Think of us like vegetarians. We don’t drink blood from humans, but from animals instead-”

“So, you bite neighbourhood pets?” You tried to lighten the mood, hoping to distract him from your growing anxiety with humour. Jasper returned a polite chuckle, seeming to understand.

“Think more like mountain lions and bears.” A sudden flash of delicate little Alice tearing at the throat of a mountain lion made you shudder.

Jasper glanced around. “(Y/N), please know that I understand your discomfort and I don’t want to worsen it, but your house won’t be empty for much longer. It isn’t safe to have this conversation here, and I know you won’t wait until tomorrow. Please come with me, and I swear I will return you safely. The minute you say you want to come back home, I’ll stop everything and make it so.”

You wanted to take the plunge—you were already alone with him, so how different would it be? But the thought of being the single human among a family of vampires—vegetarian or not—begged you to refuse. Though it wasn’t like the last time you had spoken to him; it wasn’t like when Alice or Rosalie or Emmett had approached you. This time, your gut fought its natural survival instincts and told you that the sincerity splashed across Jasper’s refined features rang true.

“I’ll go with you on two conditions.” Jasper held eye-contact; ready to abide by your rules. “One; you keep your promise and bring me home as soon as I ask for it.”

“Of course, (Y/N).” He gave you his word. “And the second condition?”

“I get to leave a note behind saying I went with you in case something happens. Neither you nor your family can touch it, hide it, or edit it. If you meant what you said about not hurting humans, accountability shouldn’t be too harsh a term.”

He followed you into the kitchen where you grabbed an orange sticky-note and began writing a quick message. “There is no reason for us to meddle with it. You’ll be safe.”

“You guys can’t steal it either, like I know you did with my notebook.”

Anyone else would have missed the quick flash of hurt in his eyes, but you caught it right before he masked it. “My family and I aren’t the evil people you think we are. But that notebook is evidence, and therefore a danger to our existence. We can’t have it falling into the wrong hands.”

You frowned, “I wasn’t going to…”

“We know that now, but we can’t risk anybody else finding it.”

“Is… Is that why you guys were so unkind to me? Was I close to figuring it out?” Despite the supernatural discoveries and truth, being treated like that by those so close to the guy you liked had stung you deeply. If you were correct about him having an emotion-influencing ability, it was likely he knew how you were feeling. Jasper didn’t answer.

“We need to go, now,” was all he said. You grabbed your keys as he led you out the front door to where his motorbike was parked on your front lawn. He passed you a black helmet. “I’ll answer more questions when we get there—whatever you want. I’ll stay by your side until sunrise if that’s how you want it.”

You took the helmet from him, grazing his hand on purpose. It was just as cold as last time. You took his hand in yours and held it for a moment. He didn’t pull away yet, and allowed you to press your soft, warm flesh against his icy marble skin. It was hard like stone. You turned his hand so that his palm was facing upwards and traced it with your finger; slowly grazing from his palm to his wrist, noting the absence of veins but the appearance of bite marks, similar to Bella’s; though larger in quantity. He pulled away from you, then.

“The sooner we leave, the sooner you can ask me everything.” He put his own helmet on, likely for the sake of appearances, and sat on the bike. You followed him.

“What, you aren’t going to turn into a bat and fly me there?” you asked as the motorcycle revved.

A genuine chuckle escaped his lips. “No, that’s a myth; and I didn’t want to scare you with our natural method of travel.”

You wrapped your arms around his waist as the bike took off slowly, building speed. “What is it?”

He didn’t answer you; not that you would have been able to hear him as you ripped through the wind, wondering if you were on the road to certain death. As hard as your heart was beating; both from the uncertainty and the physical contact, the smell of Jasper, of fresh citrus and some sort of flowery scent, made you never want to let go. You waited for him to speed up again, to give you an excuse to hold on tighter. The town of Forks faded away, your surroundings growing deeper and denser with forest. Before long, you could see the Cullen house through the trees.

It wasn’t at all what you had expected. You hadn’t thought of gloomy castles with dungeons or anything, but the openness of the architecture surprised you. The house was large and extravagant, easily worth millions. The bright colours stood out against the greens and browns of the surrounding woods; and the rectangular shapes and wide windows introduced a stunning, modern feel.

Jasper parked the motorcycle in the driveway, hanging his helmet on one handlebar. You copied him. “Are you going to tell me everything, now?”

“(Y/N), I’ve admitted to being a vampire and brought you to my home. Don’t you want to poke around?”

“Loitering outside the lion’s den is risky enough; there’s no way I’m walking straight in.” You spotted a log in the distance; blanketed in thick, green moss that was definitely not inside his house. He followed behind and sat beside you.

“What do you want to know?”

You didn’t even know where to start. Combing through what you already knew, you thought it best to elaborate a little. “Why do your eyes change colour?”

“They change based on feeding. When we’re full, they look like mine always do. But when we’re hungry, they darken.”

“So, do you… overeat or something? I’ve never seen your eyes look any different.”

He shifted his weight. “I prefer to be well-fed when in the presence of humans; particularly in high-density areas like high schools.”

Stupid question. “O-Of course. You guys wouldn’t want any accidents… Have there been any accidents? Have you ever killed someone?” When you asked him this, it was because you were embarrassed about asking such an obvious question. You tried to cover it up by rambling. So, when Jasper’s gaze lowered to the forest floor and his lips sealed shut, the shock of it made you jolt. He had.

“You’re getting scared. I can feel it. (Y/N) I promise that was a long time ago and as difficult as this diet is for me, I’m getting better and better every day.”

The next question shot out of your mouth like a bullet. “Exactly how safe am I with you right now? You’re getting better? Is it hard for you to be near me right now?”

“You’re very safe. The others are inside and will stop me if anything happens.” The way he spoke about the prospect of murdering you was so uncomfortably casual, like it happened all the time. It was as if a thousand disapproving eyes were glaring down at you, wondering what the hell you were thinking by coming here.

“When was the last time you killed—no—when was the last time you tried to kill somebody? Successful or not?” Bella’s bitten wrist was at the forefront of your mind as you waited for an explanation. “Did you give Bella that bite?”

“No, that was from another vampire. He’s dead now; but he drank human blood and went after Bella.” Jasper paused, studying you with his citrine stare. “This isn’t helping. You’re still afraid.”

“Am I already in danger because I know?”

Jasper slid closer, bridging the gap between you. “Not so long as no one else finds out.”

“I’ve told you I won’t tell anyone.” It hurt that he didn’t seem to trust you; like this entire thing was an excuse for the Cullens to follow up on your character. You stuffed your hands in your pockets and looked at the dirt beneath you; wondering if that was how the Cullens thought of you. Dirt. For liking Jasper, they probably hated you; Edward certainly seemed to feel that way. Perhaps their apologies only came once their rudeness drew too much of your attention? Little did they know.

“Other vampires,” Jasper’s clarification interrupted your spiralling mind. “So long as no vampires find out.”

“What about Bella? Is she-”

His next words slashed your heart like a knife. “Bella’s situation with Edward is different to yours and mine.”

The reminder knocked the wind out of you. It was the truth; the vampire you had fallen in love with wasn’t available, and you solving the mystery of his true nature would not change that. It would not impress him so much that he’d slide into bed with you and abandon the girl who—for all you knew—he had been with for hundreds of years. An unkind part of you wanted to kiss Jasper there and then; just to get something out of this mess. Or was it to prove to him you could be like Edward and Bella? A powerful urge to further insert yourself fought to take over. It couldn’t be that difficult. He wasn’t too far to miss. You fought back against the desire.

“Can we go inside? I-If that’s still okay… I’m cold.” You disregarded your fear about entering a vampire’s lair. Now, you wanted to see where he lived, and sat, and watched TV.

Your hands were still stuffed in your pockets, freezing. You wondered if they would be the same temperature as his now. You got your answer as he held your hands in his, gently helping you stand; ever the gentleman. Every instance of chivalry you had watched him perform for Alice ran through your brain like a movie. It was a habit of his time. His hard marble skin contrasted with your own soft flesh as you fought the urge to entwine your fingers with his; to bring your lips to his, to make him press you against a tree.

Instead, he pulled you up and then let go of you without a second thought. Shame weighed down your shoulders. He winced, not looking at you now. Your voice trembled. “Can you sense emotions?”

“Yes.”

Did that include lust?

You changed the subject, not daring to ask for elaboration. “When we go in… is everyone—are their eyes going to be gold?”

He seemed to relax as you said that; chuckling softly, like music to your ears. “Nobody is thirsty, so yes. You’ll be fine in there. They want to see you for themselves again, though. And there are some things Alice would like to clarify.”

Alice. Would she pull you aside and intimidate you? Stay away from my boyfriend or I’ll literally kill you?

You swallowed thickly, following Jasper up to the front door of the house. Inside, his home was light and inviting. The walls were painted white, and there was a lot of open space. Various paintings decorated the walls, including an enormous picture frame filled with a rainbow of graduation caps. Your lips curled as you got the joke.

“Where is everyone?” Knowing they were aware of your presence was startling, in a way. Could they smell you the whole time you were outside? Had they heard what you were saying? An overwhelming sense of dread consumed you as you realised who else would be waiting. Did Edward hear you contemplating kissing Jasper? You hadn’t seen Edward at all since the incident at school. He hadn’t approached you like the others had, and the mere thought of seeing him again after all his mind-reading made your knees quiver.

Jasper didn’t reply and continued to walk. You followed behind him, sticking closer than he probably would have liked.

Alice was the first to reveal herself, meeting you at the top of the white staircase. Her usual beaming smile was absent from her face as she looked between you both. “(Y/N), thank you for coming.” Bile rose in your throat; you wanted to throw up. Edward had likely told her about what you were thinking outside. You couldn’t speak and only nodded your head in response. You risked a glance at Jasper, who was staring intensely at his girlfriend; but Alice’s attention was fixed on you. She took a small step closer to you. Her usual voice, as graceful as wind chimes, sounded cracked. “Can I borrow you first?”

Jasper’s eyes were downcast while Alice’s held an edge of urgency. “O-Okay… Um-”

“I won’t be long, Jaz.” She cut through your mumbling, still not looking at Jasper. He nodded, jaw clenched, and walked past her, deeper into the house. Alice seemed to relax after he left and took your hands in her cold ones. “How are you feeling about everything?”

That was the last thing you had expected to hear from her just then. “I’m fine… considering.”

Her smile returned, adding sugar to her sweet, honeyed eyes. “I want to take it upon myself to explain what really happened. I’m sorry I lied to you at the café—but we have an important secret to protect and I just couldn’t-”

“I get it, it’s fine. But now I’m wondering, did I actually deserve it?”

“(Y/N), come with me.” She twirled around and fluttered down a hallway to your right. She led you to a room covered in everything Alice. Walking through the door was like having her entire personality punch you in the face at once. Like the rest of the house, the walls were painted white, and the ceilings were to the heavens. All-white modern furniture decorated the space; accompanied by some mannequins modelling some of Alice’s nicer luxury pieces by the vanity. White, floating bookshelves hovered on the back wall beside modern artworks and posters of fashion designs. Enlarged photos of Alice and Jasper in black-and-white decorated the walls on the opposite side. A pile of designer clothing was heaped onto the enormous, white bed on the left side of the room.

“Couldn’t decide what to wear?” You cracked a joke as you took everything in. Alice returned a smile.

“At least someone around here understands.”

Looking at the intricately designed headboard, the words left your mouth before you could stop them. “You don’t sleep in coffins?” You looked at her wide-eyed. Just because Jasper was okay with the stereotypes, it didn’t mean Alice would be.

“Oh, no. That’s a myth. We don’t sleep.”

“At all?” You looked between her and the gigantic bed, and then realisation clicked. A pang of jealousy twisted your insides as you understood exactly how the bed was used. You recalled Jasper’s old words. So, Alice and I will have the entire house to ourselves again, which is always a pleasurable time.

As if sensing where your mind was going, she changed the subject. “There are some things that I need to explain—with the truth, this time—I promise. Please, take a seat wherever you like.”

After seeing the bed and knowing what its sole purpose was, you couldn’t stop yourself from spitefully sitting right on it .. “Did I freak you guys out back then or something?”

“(Y/N), we know you’re already aware of what Edward and Jasper can do. My gift is seeing the future. It’s a little flimsier than what you’re imagining. I can see the decisions people make and then what the outcomes of those decisions will be. And I’ve been having quite a few visions about you.” You watched her, mouth hanging open, waiting for her to continue because you didn’t know how to respond to that. What had she seen? What decisions had you made without realising? Alice continued, “I saw you finding out we were vampires early on. During your fascination with Jasper, you noticed the same things you ended up noticing, anyway. In the vision, you reacted differently. You let your fear rule you, and you came close to exposing our secret.”

“Did you kill me?” You asked. “In the vision?”

“No, but the decisions themselves were fragile. I had three unique visions about you in one day, all in which you found out about us. And in only one of them, you kept our secret. At first I didn’t realise how you were figuring everything out, but Edward heard your thoughts about Jasper and we put it together. We tried to wean you off of him; so Jasper talked to you more - but only about me and how happy we were. The plan was to make you stop liking him so you’d stop noticing things—but it backfired. Jasper used his gift on you when you were too close to figuring it out. Edward suggested a colder approach, which was too hard for Jasper as he could feel everything you were feeling.

“Then, I met you at the café and tried to smooth over the situation. We approached it differently again. So, we treated you kindly and acted like the entire thing was just Edward running on a tangent—but my visions about the outcome were murky. They kept changing. Sometimes you’d figure it out and react badly, other times you’d let it go and move on from us, and only once did you find out and accept us. I think we’re living in that vision now.”

It was a lot to take in, and you had so many questions; but the one that came out was, “I can’t imagine trying to tell anyone about any of this.”

“The whole Edward-as-the-scapegoat story wasn’t a complete lie. When he read your mind, he saw that you would often fantasise about-” she paused, almost as if she was about to choke. “About separating Jasper and myself. Jasper had no intentions of letting that happen—but Edward wondered if your disposition might change after you found out about everything. If you were capable of blackmail, or-”

“I’m not. So you can all chill out, if that’s what I’m really here for.” Your anger at Edward was justified, then. “For all of you to check if I’m safe.”

“My intention tonight wasn’t to upset you-”

“Jasper!” You called out. Behind you, one door to the adjoining rooms opened and Jasper emerged. “I want to go home now.”

“Of course.” You didn’t miss the look he gave Alice; it was one of frustration. And as before by the stairwell, Alice didn’t look back at him.

“Goodbye, (Y/N),” Alice’s angelic voice rang from behind you as you left the room. “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you.”

It didn’t take long for you to get back outside. The wind had picked up, and the air smacking against your face made it harder to hold back your tears. Jasper’s voice came as a comfort. “Are you okay, (Y/N)?”

You didn’t reply and only shook your head as a stream of tears spilled down your cheeks. The embarrassment of it all. These people truly thought the worst of you. Edward was still assuming your entire personality and relaying the most negative parts of it to the rest of his family; and Alice insinuated that you were a traitor. Meanwhile, all of this was happening in front of Jasper. You were now crying in front of him, and he wouldn’t even comfort you.

“What were you doing in the neighbouring room?” You wiped your tears on your sleeves.

“We have a closet and an office adjoined to our room, and I wanted to be nearby to keep my promise about taking you home.”

You were glad you were facing away from him, because you couldn’t stop yourself from squeezing your eyes shut and silently sobbing. Our room. They shared it; of course. You had been mistaken in thinking it only belonged to Alice. All the humiliation on top of the physical reminders that Jasper was spoken for was too much at once. You regretted ever going inside. Now you definitely wanted to throw up. The vampire thing should have scared you away from him. It should have made you run for the hills; and while you were still afraid from time to time, it somehow made you love him even more.

Jasper had moved closer to you while you cried, and you could feel his cold hand chilling your shoulder through the fabric of your shirt. “Are you ready to leave?”

You still had so many questions—the tension between Alice and Jasper being at the forefront of your mind. Had you caused it? But you couldn’t ask, not with your feelings already so out in the open. You had embarrassed yourself enough up to this point. So instead, you nodded and turned to face Jasper; no longer caring if he saw you cry. Your voice sounded raspy as you said, “I want you to use your gift to make me stop feeling sad. Will you?”

“You’re sure?” But he didn’t hesitate; and already the melancholy made way for contentment. You wiped the rest of the tears from your face.

“Thank you.” You wanted to ask him to do something else, but couldn’t will yourself to ask the question. He handed the motorcycle helmet to you for the second time that night, and you paused. “What’s your natural method of travel? The one you mentioned earlier?”

“We can run really fast. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen, and faster than you could imagine. I’d be happy to run you home, but not if it will scare you.”

“It won’t.”

He gestured for you to climb onto his back, and you did; resisting the urge to bury your face in his neck. His muscular arms held you close as he reminded you softly, “Hold on as tightly as you can.”

Without another moment’s notice, he launched you through the forest at an impossible speed. The tall trees surrounding you morphed into an indistinguishable wall of brown and green, and the ground behind you moved so quickly it made your eyes blur. Before you could even think to breathe, Jasper had stopped outside your front door and the world around you was visible again. The world was spinning, and Jasper picked you up bridal-style and carried you through the front door to your bedroom; carefully laying you down on your bed and sitting beside you on the mattress. “You’ve had a big night, you should get some sleep.”

“Wait,” you called out before he could disappear. “What happens now?”

You wanted him to say he would call you tomorrow, or meet you somewhere. You wanted to be told that this would continue—but the serious look on Jasper’s face warned that you wouldn’t be hearing any of that. Conflicting looks crossed over his features as he looked like he was debating something within himself. “You should talk to Alice again when you can. There’s a lot more to her vision than what she explained to you. It’s important that you seek her when you’re ready to listen. It’s about you, and you deserve to know what she believes will be coming.” He added dryly, “You’ll like what she saw for you.”

“And what about you, though?”

“Because of… foreseen circumstances, Alice has asked for some distance in our relationship for now. I can feel her emotions. I know what she’s trying to do—and you’ll find out when you talk to her—but I can’t let her. Please understand this. Regardless of whatever Alice says to you, I need you to keep a distance from me.”

“But-”

“There is nothing you can say to change my mind, I meant what I said. I love Alice with my entire heart. We have been married since 1950. Now you know everything, there’s no reason for you and I to continue talking about it. Please talk to Alice; but listen to me. I will not leave my wife for you.”

That was the final blow; all you needed to push you into an unfamiliar territory; one where you wanted to sever the one-sided bond. You thought back at the question you didn’t ask him earlier and realised you might die if you didn’t. “I want you to use your gift again to help me achieve that. Every time I feel attracted to you, every time I love you or I want you… You have to quell it. I realise I’m in way over my head. I realise I am embarrassing myself by continuing to love you.” Jasper winced as you said the last sentence, but watched you intently as you continued. “I can’t stay away from you if I can’t get over you. I need help. Will you please put me out of my misery and control my feelings for me?”

“I can only do it while I’m in range. It’ll wear off-”

“It might at least condition me to stop thinking about you. I don’t know. Can we at least try it?”

His beautiful eyes locked with yours, and your heart felt lighter. As you watched the vampire in front of you, he looked less godlike, less devastating. Still conventionally attractive, you felt the adoration slip away as you studied his face, his hair, his body… Everything melted away and was replaced by neutrality. For the first time in a while, you stared at Jasper Hale and you didn’t want to kiss him, or hold him, or profess your love with him.

If anything, you wanted him out of your room.

And so, with one last look at you to make sure it worked, Jasper turned away from you and walked out the door.

For the first time in a long time, you could breathe again.

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