#i think that’s what gets me. it feels like theyre always on the brink of giving up. for extremely understandable reasons.

[angstics]

THINKING about how if fake your death was never released, burn bright would’ve been my chemical romance’s final song for years. the song that ends with:

for this interpretation, the city lights is a representation of the audience (like torches). when put into the context of this earlier verse:

we see a cycle of give and take between the band and audience with the fire, ie their passion. passion sustains itself at either source, seeing as the band “steals” it at the end, meaning it isnt theirs. to align two-way passion — or artistry or mission (purifying flame), whatever the fire is — with identity then to go:

“YOU MADE ME WHO I AM / BE AFRAID OF WHAT I AM” is insane in two opposing ways. 1. for the band and audience to be conjoined monsters, or 2. for the band to be the audience’s monster. im approaching both these ideas on the basis that both groups are endlessly flawed but not evil.

for the audience and band to be monsters made of the same materials aligns with their shared fire. we are feared by the world for our shared, cyclical otherness. at the same time, for the audience’s fire to have burned the band in ways alluded to in the song (drug addiction, martyrdom, mental health issues, loss of self, reliance on darkness to create art) — also referenced in foundations “fate had left its scars on his face / with all the damage they had done” — creates an uncomfortable warning call: this experience has hurt me. be afraid of this life.

these interpretations can be combined — we are together in this dependent relationship (audience emotional dependence, band self-destruction) only saved by love for music (the fire). we need each other because others dont want us (“youll never get to heaven / with a life like yours”). be afraid of our community of social degeneracy.

despite starting the band themselves (“we lit the fire”), they were still molded by their experiences (“cause it makes me who i am / you made me who i am”). horrifying loss of free will is combatted (“ill never fade away”) by the final, total reclamation of passion (“if i steal the fire”). by turning the torches off (“from your city nights”). they broke the cycle. this is a goodbye. they’ve said goodbye so many times.

[ssahotchnerr]

HI HONEY!! I have a fic request! Based on Aaron and his love for calling the reader sweet girl/his sweet girl. Where that’s his favorite nickname for her and she loves is sm and he loves it sm AND THEYRE JUST IN LOVE. I think that would be so cute!

endearments

i'm putting a (slightly) drunk aaron take on this 🤭 cw; fem!reader, mentions of drinking, soft drunk!aaron, vague suggestion, a lot of fluff <3

You had been on the brink of dozing off, but had fought against your heavy eyelids until Aaron returned home safely. It had been guys night out; aka Dave dragging him to some top-shelf fancy bar, or whatever establishment the David Rossi enjoyed to frequent.

The slower than normal pace echoed from down the hallway - locking the door, putting his coat away, a quick check on Jack; his usual night rounds. Finally he made his way into your shared bedroom, dropping soundly onto the bed beside you with a heavy exhale. His aim, however, a bit off - he landed nearly on top of you.

You could smell the small aroma of bourbon on his breath. He always drank just enough to be tipsy, smart and conscious of avoiding a brutal hangover, or an alert tending to.

"My sweet girl."

His voice was heavenly deep, softer and smoother in its inebriated manner. It paralleled his actions: drunk Aaron meant clingy Aaron. His immediate tight hold solidified such.

"Hey," You adjusted yourself, laying more so on your side, facing him. Your voice was laced with your drowsiness; tone relaxed, content, making Aaron wonder why he didn't just stay home with you all night. "Have fun?"

"Yeah, it was nice." Your hand cupped his cheek momentarily, moving towards the nape of his neck. His glassy eyes admired you.

"Dave find any new wives?"

Aaron snorted gently, "Not this time."

You hummed in response, fingers running through the back of his hair. You switched between brushing through the short strands, and gently scratching his scalp. Aaron could've groaned at the feeling (he may have, he honestly couldn't recall if he did.) "Poor wing-manning on your end, then."

"Always next time." His head dropped into your neck, immediately pressing a gentle kiss into your skin. Then another, and another. His words were muffled when he spoke, "I missed you though, sweet girl. Wished you were with me the whole time."

You immediately flushed. While Aaron supplied you with multiple terms of endearment, this was without a doubt your favorite. It simply made you feel loved within its purest state. Adored.

Whereas Aaron loved the way it rolled off his tongue. It fit, just like the way his hand fit perfectly into yours, or the way your body molded perfectly into his - just like now. Not only that, he loved your reaction - the pet name turned you into a flustered, shy mess within seconds.

But now, in his drunken state, he wasn't saying so to fluster you, but it was the natural affection you caused him to possess, only elevated. His words rushed out effortlessly, freely. More insistent.

"You're blushing."

You scoffed lightly, all in amusement. "How do you know?"

"Because you're my sweet girl." His words slurred slightly, flowing together. If you didn't know any better, he was also falling asleep. He leaned up to kiss your lips, before his head dropped hastily back down onto your chest. "I know what I'm saying.

"You're drunk. Do you really?" You teased, your eyes narrowing with a small smile on your face.

"How dare you question otherwise."

You laughed softly, sitting up from your lying position, causing Aaron to whine as he slid off, breaking contact. "Let's get you out of these clothes."

Despite the shadows on half his face, half illuminated by the glow of the lap, you could see his lips tugging into a mischievous smirk.

"Wipe that look off your face Hotchner."

He allowed it to linger for just a playful moment longer, before his facial features relaxed, allowing you to pull off his clothes. You tossed them onto the ground carelessly - they could be dealt with in the morning. You tossed him yet another lighthearted glare at the second smirk that followed when you reached his belt buckle.

As tempting as it was, now wasn't the time.

In just his boxers and tee, his arm wrapped around your middle, pulling you as close as he could possibly get you. His face, right back into the crook of your neck. "My sweet girl."

His repetitive words left him in a sigh, quiet enough you wouldn't have known he mumbled them if it weren't him speaking directly into your skin, or for them vibrating into you.

You wiggled your hand out from his hold, draping it over his forearm and lazily tracing your fingertips along the veins his arms possessed.

"I love it, you know." You mumbled into the darkness, scooting back against him, burying your head into your pillow. Confirming the proximity, you almost couldn't be any closer. "Being yours."

He was fading fast, but still awake and aware enough to respond, "Can't imagine anything else."

[sips-tea-cutely]

6:25 AM - tipping and toppling even if it makes us sick

“Let's not look at each other who will get off first

Let’s not drag things out

Let's follow our hearts

Let's put an end to this

A repeated seesaw game

Let's stop it now.” —Trivia 轉 : Seesaw

(cw: adultery, supposed to have beta but they’re always dead just like oda 😞, theyre unhappy but they stay together, bsd withdrawal causes ooc dazai)

“You’re up early.” Dazai closed the bedroom door and ran a hand through his hair. “Mhm, where’s my award?” he joked as he sat down, the coffee you’ve prepared for him already going cold. Neither of you spoke, nor did you dare break the silence. The previous night was quite the fever dream to you both, an estranged memory of arguments stuck in your heads. To be honest, he couldn’t remember what started it all; to him, your relationship has always been like this.

Your smile, your voice, everything about you— he used to glorify it and sing its praises to anyone willing to listen. you were like his drug; a quick fix to escape his dreadful reality— a drug that quickly became a sickening addiction. The high you’d give him eventually faded, the sense of relief that came with your presence eventually became offending to him, something that disturbed even his sense of self.

‘You’re quite patient to be able to deal with someone like Dazai, s/o. It’s admirable.’ ‘Ahh, I could never let my big brother go if he flirted with other women! You should tell him to stop it, s/o!’ the agency often commented on your romance with Dazai— after all, who’d think the man who revered death as an end of suffering would live another day for you? A mischievous boyfriend and a patient s/o, how perfect!

He’s only extending both his and your misery, and he fucking knows it. He can’t even find it in himself to care, he doesn’t have the energy to acknowledge you at all. To him, you’re just a hindrance to get past the day. At the same time though, your presence comforts Dazai— it allows him to feel like there is a worse person than him. Of course, logically, it makes no sense, but without you, Dazai ends up cockier and more secretive than he usually is.

To him, you were his only definition of love. Is love tiring? if it’s you, then it most definitely is. He’s so sick of you; the devastating beauty of you and your god awful contrast— the Kronos to your Gaia, all he did was ruin you until you broke, corrupting your mind to the brink of hysteria.

“Ah… Mr. Dazai, should we really be doing this..? I'll get fired if we are caught!” The nurse cried out. “Oh, but you’re so pent up, aren’t you?” he innocently asked. “Let me help you relax for a while.” he smiled, a genuine one.

Adultery is wrong— everyone should know that, but she was a fresh breath of air. there was no obligation to love you, there was only him in his own world.

For a moment, Dazai could’ve sworn he saw a glimpse of someone slightly peeking through, fleeing and leaving the door ajar at the sight of him. “Did you forget to lock the door? we are sure to get caught if we don’t.” he looked back at the nurse before gently pushing her off of the hospital bed.

You didn’t say anything about his injury— you barely acknowledged that he was gone. Perhaps you didn’t care, or you didn’t want to know anything about it— either way, it saved him from reciting the speech he thought of while coming back.

He shouldn’t have begged you for that date— looking back, it’s honestly embarrassing how much trouble he went through. If he didn’t, he’d be a single bachelor, free to do as his heart desired.

No one is forcing him to date you, it’s stupid how scared he is, scared of losing the agency’s trust. If he broke your heart, everyone would see it as Dazai being a heartbreaker; if he manipulated you into breaking up with him, they’d still assume he did something horrible. It’s like that term— digging your own grave, was it?

As he put down his cup, he cupped your hand across the table— “I care for you, okay~?” He scrunched up his mouth and eyes into a smile. I care for you, not ‘I love you’. It was painstakingly obvious. “Thanks, ‘Samu. Remember that I’m here for you as well.” you hummed back to him, smiling back as if you were trying to convince yourself that you loved him again.

He’s so sick of you, both of you know that. but he can’t see himself with anyone but you either.

[gutsfics]

1, 3, 9, 22, and 24 from the OC Interview Questions for Devi please!!!

yaaay thank you!!!! :3 ok im going Devi Mode now >:3

1. Who makes up your family?  How close are you to them?

well there's my mom and dad, and i have an older sibling, Avery, and two older sisters, Kennie and Satomi. im pretty close with all of them, especially my parents! tbh though it kinda feels like the five years i was dead made me miss a lot of my siblings' lives so theres like a sort of.... glass wall? i think? thats five years i cant get back, and they're all enough older than me that i wasnt really raised "with" them so much as i was raised after them, you know?

also Noah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noah's been such a big part of my (un)life that it would be wrong not to call him family <3 plus also hes my boyfriend :3

3. What is your favorite childhood memory?

so Jane's favorite fruit is-- um... was [he looks kinda sad for a moment, but shakes it off] blackberries, but she was allergic to the brambles so when it was blackberry season, i'd crawl into bushes to get the juciest berries for her

anyway the september before, um.... she got a bit sick in september and i wanted to cheer her up so Noah and i went to the biggest blackberry bush we'd found in the forest and i picked as many blackberries as i could for her while Noah kept me company (cuz he's also allergic so he couldnt join me in the bush). we werent as close back then as we are now, and i dont remember really what we talked about, but i remember that it was one of the last warm days of the year as the season changed, and the forest was so pretty and i felt like nothing could ever go wrong

its, um, kind of a sad memory. bittersweet, i mean. but its important to me

9. Are you a spiritual person? If yes, what do you practice?

now that's a really interesting question. i know that there is a sort of "higher power" that exists in the world, but it's not really God, or A God or anything consious really. its more like.... a membrane woven into the world that makes it what it is. like a membrane holding back some kind of juice? God Juice. and there's that spot in the mountains where the membrane has been punctured so more of God Juice is flooding out of that hole than there should be in the world, and i was part of that god juice, and i think that god juice is now a part of me? or it made me or something? and if i focus, really focus hard, i can kinda hear the way the universe sings? not always though

but um. i dont really know if that counts as spirituality. and i dont "practice" anything it just... kinda is? i try to be nice to people and the world but that doesnt feel like "practicing spirituality"

22. What’s the easiest way to flirt with you?

ummm haha ohh..... i dont really know how to answer that..... growing up i was usually either ignored or bullied so its always so weird whenever someone flirts with me. its always like, are you talking to me?? oh, no thanks. i already got a guy for that

and Noah's not really a flirty guy. he'll walk into the underworld to carry me back home, for sure, but he doesnt really do flirting. unless you count just open and honest statments about how you feel about someone as flirting? i'll flirt with him absolutely, but usually gets too flustered to flirt back. its really cute

24. What would you consider your main love language?

spending years of your life devoted to taking care of someone who's lost everything, through thick and thin, even when things get hard, on days when they dont seem particularly... connected to their humanity. just being a constant in their life, a lighthouse in the middle of a typhoon, grounding them when theyre too lost to find solid ground on their own. walking into the unknown to grasp their soul and bring them back from the brink, even if that means everything changes, even if it means you yourself could get stuck yourself. would you still love me if i was a worm. would you still care for me i had nothing to give you but my company and my love, even if my company doesnt mean my touch or my conversation. would you still love me if i couldn't remember who you were.

um.

sorry. what was the question?

oh right! i think my love language is physical touch and acts of service and quality time. both giving and receiving them.

[yuukei-yikes]

you are so right about takane and kano being besties. they are late night gossip buddies!!!!!! any contradicting canon can rip that from my cold dead hands

they would 100% goofingly share the worst hot takes with each other as some kinda game. or like. point at something random and be like "i need your strongest opinion on this right now." just…. the friendship vibe that i can only succinctly sum up as "late night gossip buddies"

and personally i feel like post-str takane would probably be the person kano would be most comfortable with confiding in because she's just the right ratio of outsider-to-insider. i mean yobanashi deceive is basically just kano traumadumping to ene right lol

LIKE FOR REAL!!!! EXACTLY!!!! SRRY IN MY LAST ASK I ALREADY WENT OVER KANO&TAKANE PARALLELS BUT MAN THEYRE EVERYTHING TO ME THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS!!!! chaos duo for real.

kano making all these parallels. knowing takane is just like him fr because she's also playing a role, she's got the same kind of twisted personality, how out of all people he chooses HER to open up to for the first time, says he's not looking to make her dislike him, says he's jealous of her ability to doubt people & her sense of self, also in the novel route THEY DIE TOGETHER....

he sees himself in her and how he'd like to be. like theyre so so SO similar. like him she is playing a role yet takane manages to know who she is and what she wants or likes or hates. like him she's also someone who's lost their most precious person yet manages to move forward and keep going without resenting anyone and in fact going out of her way to help someone else. kano is so insanely jealous of it all💗

sorry. i will go insane about takane AGAIN i literally just did in the other ask but teehee MORE

takane's resilience, determination and will to live and help and love and forgive despite everything always gets me. she's so warm and loving *punches wall* its why i love her so much and also why i hate second manga route so much. takane would never kill herself. shoves this in ur face

like that's why takane gets opening eyes in the first place!!!!! opening eyes was the ability that was allowing azami to appear before others inside the daze and once she gives it to takane, azami is at the brink of disappearance (holds head remembering azami keeps giving out her snakes as a way to save as much people as possible even if it means dying BUT THATS NOT WHAT WERE TALKING ABOUT) but this translates into takane as well. like even if she is dead she wants to be out here. she will make a place for herself. takane has the will to live, and will always make it out of anywhere as long as she's got herself, even if she's alone. she literally projects herself into existence even when dead thats how damn stubborn she is. determined to tell haruka her feelings as SOON as she realises them without thinking of what that means for their relationship because that's just not her priority, her priority is to let him know in the first place. AUUUGGHH. TAKANE BEST CHARACTER EVER I LOVE U TAKANE also why harutaka is so awesome because it's cute that out of everyone its TAKANE with all these characteristics who gets the love story arc and then actually manages to have a happy ending with someone as loving and caring as haruka!!! and it goes both ways!! except im not talking abt haruka so!!! sniff sniff... str harutaka... (holds head)

erm. yeah. anyways. sorry for going crazy again. i just love takane💗 LITERALLY I JUSY MAKE EVERYTHING ABT HARUTAKA SORRY OK RIGHT KANOBACK TO KANO

i think kano is the kind to notice all these things and be like Man. wtf. but like i said!!! i hate the antagonistic light of it. i know kano's an ass and thats sorta the point, but isn't he like. like the shit he does to takane and the way he talks of her from his pov grazes the unlikable. because we all love piece of shit morally gray characters like kano like i LOVE kano, he's such an interesting character and i love all the nuance u need when consuming kagepro and seeing everything he does but shit likethe way he acts with takane goes a little over the line to me bc it has no real basis other than angry at takane by proxy to shintaro and/or the jealousy (but then again its not like the jealousy is made into such a big deal in the first place and its just a passing comment) like it just seems unfair and uncalled for. like he's REALLY taking it out on her and then played as a joke.

SO TO ME. KANO HELPING TAKANE WITH HER BODY MEANS A LOT. he can go cry outside LATER. to me that is his way of apologizing too. in his little twisted way!!! like not only is here ur body but i will hold you and dry you and get you clothes and some food and water. takane allowing someone to pick her up and see her when vulnerable and kano helping someone his sister adored it just rewires my brain. theyre both silent thru it all but make it through. AUUUGGHHHH IT WOULDVE BEEN SO GOOOOD

AND YEAH EVERYTHING U SAID 10000%% takane being the perfect ratio outsider to insider is SUCH A PERFECT WAY TO PUT IT AUUGGHH also gossip buddies prank masterminds BEST. FRIENDS. FOREVER. for real!!!!

[hyperfixationspam]

the thing that really gets me about the way izzy acts in episode 10 is that he could have used the situation to his advantage. he could have been the same shitty person he always has been while still under the guise that he's doing whats best for ed. before this, he has idolized blackbeard but acknowledged that ed is not completely that idol, he just wants him to act like he is. (to protect him of course!) when ed is upset about killing stede, izzy acknowledges these feelings and doesnt even belittle them but tries to convince him that theyre better off ignoring

if izzys goal was to get ed away from stede so he could go back to "normal" he has won! it wouldve been so easy for izzy to see ed miserable and heartbroken and say "see? i told you so. he was a phase. i am still here. i know what is best for you. listen to me and you will be safe." ed wouldve been VERY susceptible to that

but izzy just completely abandons all pretense of caring about ed. he sees ed being his true self and being honest and realizes that he couldnt care less about this person. he cant stand to look at him being even slightly effeminate without becoming violent and abusive. "edward" is not a special secret name only he can use anymore, it's a fucking stupid name for a useless man because ed actually wants to be referred to that way. "blackbeard" is no longer an idealized image for an intelligent but deeply erratic man to hide behind to stay safe, it's a violent irrational creature that is the only thing that is worthwhile about the man who embodies it. izzy completely abandons his misguided but at least sensible views of ed and what is best for him, because he realizes that he is NOT what is best for ed and that he doesnt actually give a shit

now ed is being violent like izzy wants but now what? hes a miserable shell of himself. stede is going to come back and ed is going to collapse in on himself because he cant do this anymore. imagine if izzy had leaned into ed's emotional intelligence that he was strengthening while coping with stede's betrayal. ed couldve fully accepted what lucius told him and LET GO OF STEDE. stede could come back and ed would be like "man i dont need you. you hurt my feelings but thats ok bc i am enough without you." sure they wouldve probably made up eventually, but izzy wouldve gotten a much more stable version of what he wants from ed. but this version of ed is sensitive and tired and feels worthless and will probably be MORE receptive to stedes apologies because he just wants to lay down and feel loved for a minute, heartbreak be damned. and izzy is going to realize that pushing ed to the brink has once again completely backfired on him because he was too angry and impulsive to actually sit down and think about the consequences of his treatment of ed for two fucking seconds

[solardick]

What i do.

But this is hell.

And of course. The indian speaks english fluently. He had a thought one day. And when i said. “Well, how am i supposed to know? Half the time you’re being a fucken idiot.” He laughs. Other times. He doesnt want to inderstand.

Im already dead man. Wtf do j care. I can do all kinds of mean rwisted shit now. Because im not going to be alive much longer somthey eont be any consequences.

They ve been doing this to me simce i was a fucken child man. Dame fucken tactivs. If fact its has my brothers signiture all

Over it.

My noose is ready and lovked on my door. All i

Need is a push. Theyre fucken wi th y hormaines for fucks sake s

Lets go

Back home and think about my asshole cause its the only thin gg i can feel. 24 hours a day. At leadt its not spwaking like a girl. With all that estrogen laced weed thyeve been giving ober the last several years.

Sorry ive never liked looney toons. I font have a sadistic sense of humour. Brainwarping children with violence and laughter. Degenerating the inner spyche to produce degenerating invclined offspring. And neither do i have beef with nature: “cuz nature sucks!” Lets all get high and touch thr moon and based or future generations eith ambitions to please the body over the spirit.

Ive come to put it all together. Over these years. This is the third reich. The nazies won. And all it took is 60 million lives to make possible. And half of those lives were russians. Didnt hear a single care in all of my education about world history.

Not enough russians lives were taken thoigh. So the north western idealogy is trying to side curb its way into foreign lands to take over and dominate the world. Nazies.

I wanted a job at the pet store or the art store so the pisces moon would have a positive outlet. And the at osphere would be calm and positive. But they didnt want me to. The plans are in motion to continue raping my existance.

Then on the brink of suicide, again, i find a roofing job serrounded by toxic, degen, masculine personalities. With thr exception of one. Theres not mych in the way of media that gives positive light to the masculine. Its all connected to hardship. And lack. And degen, tendencies.

And people have always taken it for themsleves to put themselves over me. That has been thr only reality ive ever known. I dont want to be alove anymore. Especially if i get treated and punished fir being how the world has always treated me.

Im not even a person.

Gay men, women, hetero’s, government bodies of people. family, friends. To a lesser extant. Going on 40 and people are stoll making decisions for my life. I dont get to make them. Because they do.

All the world has ever done is harm me. And im the bad guy. Growing up hearing all this shit about peace and love and the age of aquarius. Just to insult you. While your surrounded by Leos. And disfunctional familial habitudes. Watching sibblings go after each other and me with hammers and axes and shit. Giving young teenagers ciggarets and drugs. Purposefully rolemodeling bs cause its funny. Killing animals and pets. Burning down buildings. Driving drunk. Fag bashing, bigotry, elitism. Destructive habits. Bipolar eruptions of violence. Absenteeism. Zero guidance. No communication. Lack luster tries at it.

Over 30 years of that. Then battering after battering, year after year. Into a beligenrent mess of bs.

And now, years after being complety fucked with to the extreme. Theres an entire community of dicktwats fucking with my system, and sexually manipulating me. Into becoming a queer. And through right back into childhood and fortifying self destructive lunar habits. So they can all feel good about being superior humans beings. And quenching that demonic thirst.

Thats pretty ficked up man. Dont blame me for tending to phatasize about national destruction. Because its the maine theme of pop media.

Since birth the world has been nothing but a giant fuck you to me. Everythign in between in inconsequential on that regard.

This isnt the real world. Its a pre-life. Or an alter life if another being. Which is me. Experimecing this instead of that. To break it all doem. Its the only thign that makes any sense.

And then after at those places. I wanted to work at. Id need an avenue for physical work. So i would have been more inclined and have the motivation to go to the gym instead. But nope. I need to be sexually harrased by another girl and then raped into become a girl. Not allowed to be away from toxic intended people, playing to a script. Somim still sick. Not allowed not to be.

In all that darkness and negativity and entropy. Once the light is seen, a peace and normalcy is glimpsed, in the venusian qualities upon the face of a pretty girl. Drive me insane. With the desire for tranquility and good tidings. Motivation and will to produce good life. Comes over like an obseesion from desperation and lack. But they harm you all the while. Boices and shadowed faces hiding in the background in the crowd. The will to drop it. Isnt strong enough to hold. For what if. An accomplishment from something good. Would strengthen my spirit. And i could live again. Or for the forst time.

My life is little foot vs freddy krugger. But i come from the generation where horror was intwine with child phatasy. Theres not much defermeve bewtween land before time. The original. To a nightmare on elm street. Beyond finding the garden of eden versus just surviving the T-rex and still being lost. Comsidering im living on maple street. Is just another insult to being alive.

I cant afford a noce appartment. I live by myself and always will. An di dont make 30$ an hour.

In fact Ir wasnt far between watching land before time an dmy life going to shit.

Heres some dick, kid. And the entire world thinks its hilarious. Perverting children.

It should be manditory for all families to get psychologically evaluated every 1-5 years. Which i don’t understand all this pride about free health care. What health care? If uou can give an athlete 10 million$ a year. Im pretty sure you can find some funding for better health care practices.

Then the bs about national compassion and what woukd have a stringer expression in the masses knowing that these games to pay exorbitantly for is actually supporting their freinds and family and a better world jnstead of giving entitled assholes an easy life of luxury. If a movie actor cane make 60 million $ a film then wtf. Fuck tom hanks.

Too bad its not my thy hair that is patching. If it were a choice it be the other way around. Then it be more like the arms. With heavier forarm than upper arm hair. Am i right? Maybe i will do the ipl treatment. Then use the electro therapy to get whatever is left over. Leave the pubic region, the love trail and the fuzz on my belly. Insteas of looking like a satyr. You know since i’m a woman now. Nd it be sexy. Since sex is all that matters.

You should have seen the expectant joy on my fathers face while he was calling me a woman. That was like what. 8-9 years ago now.

His favorite song. Used to sing it around me all the time.

Dont have a choice i have to kill

Myslef.

I just want a girl whos loves sucking dick. So she can squirt over my dace as i stair up i to her browneye and ponder the mysteries of life.

No need of shame for the sexual appetite. Of dirty vs. carnal desire. I know most then some.

Fucken creep. Yeah, i am. I was. Will be again apparently.

I want a woman, help me feel like a man. Instead i have an entire community of smut peddlers.

Kings are ni longer bred. There is no ower to veto a way of life. It’ll just fester.

Pray ipon my god and see, i never stop burning.

Man, i feel like a woman. And along eoth it everything worth living for is gone. Intellectual persuit. Gone. Artistic persuit gone. Desire to sedate increased. Desire to socialize gone. Desire to produce. Gone. Desire to accomplish gone. Desire for further education. Gone. Desire for physical satidfaction increases. Women suck. Its a handicap.

Looks like i was born and bred for the sole

Purpose of being a slut. Something to be proud about apparwntly.

Mrystal is the closest thing. Though a lie, ive had to hanging out with a girl for over 25 years. Just toxic masculine and feminine personalities. Thats all there is.

Hard to live in your own head. When theres an entire army manipulation from the external. Been fighting it for years. Hasnt brought me in anything

Well shit. Hello dark side of me. Hows it going? You go n abe alright not being monitered. Not going to do anythignstupid now are you? Creep some people?hive my body full reign to the family demon. Become possessed. Give in to sin. Noones safe.

Why they want that. Fuck their dumb.

Too i secure to walk i to a bisy stire anymore. Back to where i started there goes 8 years of life.

Guess ill be dressing up as a souless demon this holloween.

Maybe i can pull card lettered И, centre it by maybe 8 other cards to be connected to. Maybe. See what influences bare upon it.

Do that while the world is busy olaying with my penis. Pervs.

Ger me out of this nughtmare. 40 years is too mich.

Theyre fucken kilking me and laughing at the same time. My entire fuckne life man this has lal it ever been.

What to say to the dictor in the shrinkwarf. I have an entire army of cocksukrrs raping intk suicide and indotn want to be alive anymore. Tired that already. Didnt do anythign. Half of rhem are probanly in in it anyway. Can youvexorsize this demon. Fucken ne since birth? Look how populous its become.

Die for what you belive is certsinky gonna happen.

Maybe one day i wont be thrown into an envrionemt. That is full of enemies. Or assholes who just oass it off their shoulder like it doesnt matter. Mothwr was good at that.

Oh you know its just him. Hanging out with a bad crowd. Instea dof being talked to its being talk about while your still next to the person talking. Noe like ive ever been treated as a person anyway.

Apparently im not allowed to have a job or any social connections. Not allowed havign want i need to live.

Only endless years of people talking about you than to you. Thats all its ever been. 40 years.

I lneed to leave. Byt noones going to

Help me so im stuck here being taped by fucken cocksucker s

Doni fo to work today or do it quit. And count down till im dead? Tough decision.

Dtarted crying again lastnight over how fucied i am.

Kife will always fo this to me. It always has abd it always will.

I have ti kill myself. Its the only way to keep wveryone feom interference with my lifw and forcing me to kill myaelf.

Quit the job and start passing out more cvs i can di that much atleast. Not that ill find a job anyway. Not one ill be happy with.

I deswrve to be raped into suicide foe being born. It only makes swnse

Indont know what not being serrounded by enemies feels like. Something that will never getnoff the bucket list.

I simt have a single cruel abusive bone in my body. Always strived for whats good. Fight agaisnt people fucken with me. They jsut fuck more with you.

So the reason i was born was to be bullied into suicide. So that my family can work out the demon.

They’re trying everything except giving me a substantial anount of money.

The anount of time, resources and man power to rape me into suicide is staggering.

Well rested for the first time in months. Almost died again yesterday. Spend the day half conscious, puking and depressed. Wonder what they dosed me with me.

I forgot what it feels like not fighying got tour life.

What s the point. Im being gorceably removed from the gene pool and im not going to accomplish anything thst will outlive my life and influnce the fallowing generation. Theres no poing being alive. Instead i was born so that other people can enjoy thrmeslve putting themselves over me.

I wush the same fate to all tour children. Thats all

Ive ever known. I cant even do anythign withmyself because thats my only life experiemce.

So i dont even bother trying and i just do this instead. Norn i to a world where not a single person has ever been upfront with you.

Hey look im dtill 8 years old being treated likedhit by my family. Hahhahab

Im afraid if a get a et soemones is judt going to kill again.

What about. Y brother he should be in my shoes. Guys a sexist, fag-basher, drunk driver, drug popping macho. Whis killed several of his sibblings pets. Gave drugs and ciggarettes to minors. Racist. Had. Apicture of the nazi flag accomanied with a sense of pride. Trashed every behical hes ever had. Put lots of lives in jeoperday. Broke peiples bones in highschool while fucked on chems and steroids prabably. It just seems to me that im being punished for his crimes. He gets to have a wife and a family. I dotn eant to be alive anymor e.

Well im ten years too young for hormone problems. What ghe fuck did tgry inject me eith? Not wven my “best” friend from going into highschhol would wven tell me.

I dont feel safe. I dint feel secure. Ive been co sysntky under attack fir years. Cherry was my last hope for having sonething that wasnt chaoctic in my envireibnent. Donething better, abseebce of bs. A perdon to comune with. Would havw dolved all my problems. Would have gotyen healthy. But, whatever.

Now my only motivation is to kill myself. All i can feel is my ass 24 hours a day and its dtiving ke tucken insane.

All the best partd of me are dying snd all thets honbs be lrfy over is bs. Fuckrn kill me already.

Just survive a while longer. Everything will be ok. You’ll see. You’ll be ok. I don’t waht to anymore. Theres nothign good for me

In life. Its just full of fucken evil. Theres nothign good init. Theyve just waste my life away framing me ip for bs. Whats the point

I just want to quit this dayrape job and go back to having nothing. Cuae whatever they gove me is fucken bs.

I just go around spending everyday likes everything i s ok and so do they, will they rape my existance. Sometime sinsnap becaus eof it. And then they just hurt me.

Im hust ehatever they say i am. Which i don’t know what.

Asked my mother for help one. While she was busy stairing off at nothing and she told me she didn’t care. Next thing i m ow my btothrrs trying to mill me with an axe. And i get kick oy tog thr house again. And now im here.

I dint belong anywhere and i was just born to be fucked

[thisisegregiouuuus]

bro 😻

its actually so insane how i used to be so obsessed w the shining. like looking back on all that i was litereally going crazy--and like my interests/phases only last like a week or so but damn that one alsted like 2 months or smth, i thought it would never end so i was kinda surprise when i watched it for like the 5th time or something and i went 'damn...this is getting kinda old'

i genuinely felt sad tho. it always feels kinda sad falling out of a phase/interest kinda thing, especially one youve liked for a while. like with the shining its fine bc i know i still like it but it was just a crazy 2 month-phase, now i still like it but like, in a normal, non-crazed kinda way lmao, like im not silently talking to myself in my head abt the shining and begging for someone, anyone to talk to me abt the shining, i was legit on the brink of madness, i couldt contain myself thats how much i loved it lmao

anyway. for now its not compeltley lost, i still do like it, but idk, the last time i watched it i could jsut tell i wasnt as interested as the previous times, and thats when i was like 'damn it, this is it ig' and it was super sad. it felt like a big loss, but then again im happy i got out of it, like i said. maybe it was for the better! now i gotta find smth else to occupy me and my attention for the next couple of weeks or ill go insane!!!

this whole the shining phase ended like 2 or 3 months ago or smth. now im jsut mucking around. ive been watching th eoffice over and over again bc yeah i do love it but liek theres literally nothing else to occupy my attention with. and i feel kinda bad saying that, like i feel stupid saying i need smth to constantly be keeping my attention or like keeping me entertained, but like otherwise i just feel like i have no meaning or purpose or anything to keep me going, and i need smth! im not depressed or anything tho i swear 🙏

anyway I LOVE THE CATCHER IN THE RYE!!!! in history today my favourite book of all time was like very briefly mentioned and i wanted to explode when i saw it, i so badly wanted to mention it but there was no way id do it in front of anyone so yeah. holden caulfield is fr me, or he was most like year last year when i was like so alone at school and hated everybody. i still dont like most people but its not as bad as it used to be

anyway i feel really stupid writing this whole thing, idkw, but yeah, for now idk what ill do. i am going in an out of different writing projects/little stories that ive made up but i can never commit to just one thing. i am going back to my main project tho, and im really happy for once because im just writing. im not worrying about what other people might think (even tho i literally dont show it to anyone i legit just write for myself i jsut get rlly stupid sometimes,) im honestly just having fun and writing what i like, and i think thats what writings all about. its not about proving yourself to anyone or trying to impress anyone, or trying to make yourself seem all big and idk intellectual and all smartsy fartsy and stuff. its litereally just to express yourself and have fun and put all your amazing ideas down onto paper, i love writing so much, especially when i dont convince myself that my writing is shit and tell myself that it's not good enough and if people were to see it they wouldnt be as impressed as i want them to be

but anyways, thats all! its been a while since ive been on here so yeah. i know no one relaly sees these but theyre still fun to write. i just like expressing myself, i feel like im honestly kind of better off if no one sees these. like it would be nice to have like a tiny little community or some friends on here or smth since tbh even tho ive been on here for like a year and a half i still dont rlly fully understand how this app works </3 im just here for fun! so anyway

thats all folks! ski you later everybody! 😼

(sidenote, yes ik i dont know how to spell 'literally' i keep messing it up😻)

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

i don't get it. im in a position where i can make so much progress. ive had interviews damn near every day this week. I go to therapy now. i dont do pills. i eat. i try to talk out what im feeling more. but its just not enough. theres STILL something there and im edging closer to it. i can feel it. im on the brink of something horrible. i dont know what's going to happen once i reach that point. im scared of what'll happen. but it feels like once it comes i wont be able to hold back. i genuinely dont know how i did this before

being so busy.. i think it was a buffer. i never felt involved in my feelings really. id just ignore them and hide them away. in one hand, im glad i am where i am. the highs i feel feel so different from back then. ive never felt satisfaction like i do now. some times anyway. but the lows STING. i can really simmer on them now. it gives the gnawing insecurities Ive been feeling a meaning. a place in me that i have to accept. i have to actively accommodate for it all now. or ill implode

every day feels like a gamble. i cant express how little i want to do/be here. i dont care about any of this fr. i care about hurting people. its paralyzing. Ive always been such a people pleaser and i cant let it go. I will minimize everything until i absolutely cant anymore. and atp i feel so backed into a corner. my only two options seem to be either blow up and forced somewhere until i can find the drive to do something other than killing myself... ooor... kill myself. i swear that wasnt on purpose lmfao. but seriously. i mean what are the other options? i can barely push myself to do anything anymore. i dont care to. id isolate from everyone if they didnt reach out so often. well that and they notice now. ive ghosted everyone too many times they all know to just act sad so ill come back T^T

i get really tempted to tell my best friend about all this. i feel like i talk too much about myself nowadays. or talk too little or too boringly on others. but then i reread ts i used to say back/how i used to say it and i think ? i prefer us now ??

HA nah. im sure its the insecurity talking. i really do love her. she is the one and only i know will stick around no matter what. no matter how boring or how angry i get she does not hate my guts. i wish i didnt like her so much tbh. it makes me angry how angry i get with her sometimes. i cant help myself when i notice something off. shes the one person i can openly express my frustrations without consequence. but i take it too far cause of it. ive had no experience with that sorta shit. i try to be better to her cause of it. i think its only fair. the junk ive put her through this last year.. the rage ive thrown at her. thee inattentiveness. selfish. ive been too focused on making myself feel better that ive let her sting because of it. i want to make it up tenfold. she deserves more. and if i cant have her in the way i want her, i will do my best in whatever place she wants me in instead. for now, thats been a more casual friendship. she doesnt talk to me as much about her feelings. her heart is really broken about her ex. as much as i dont understand what she sees in her i know that she needs her time to bounce back. i think shes getting it out of her new person. she talks about how annoying she finds her and how she disrespects her boundaries a lot. they broke up almost immediately. but she stuck around because she felt obligated to and now i think theyre building something better. hopefully. i dont meddle as much now. i dont want to hear it + prying shit from her is NOT worth the effort. when shes ready, shes so eloquent. i love listening to her talk. even when its about nothing

im gonna stop babbling about her now. i wish i wasnt so close with her i swear i make myself disgustingly obvious.. anyway. i bring up all that to say, her battery is dead. i want her to focus on making herself feel better for now. she needs to stop overextending herself so damn much. i wont let myself be another burden for her to bear. though with such a giant rush of new feelings and a single person that i know loves me no matter what.. its kinda hard

i wish that i could talk through everything with her. if only it were that easy.

i think im going to relapse not gonna lie. it makes no sense not to. ig for my health but aside from that? itll help me feel more careless. i wont need to cut myself, i wont need to blow up, i wont need to think anymore. i can just focus on acting sober annnd holding down a job. much easier than holding back whatever this is now. if this could come out of me without leaving a broken mess, i would. but if i ever told anyone my true feelings id make them sad. i need to lash out to gain the momentum to bring it up.

im gonna stop writing now. i feel like ill go on forever again.. its just been tangent after tangent

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman groupchat

Warnings: swearing, suggestive, mentions of alcohol

a/n: i feel like these are getting repetitive and boring ngl :/, lemme know what you guys think, ly<3

Kazutora: idk man

Kazutora: how can you be bi and still have no bitches

Kazutora: you have all the options

Kazutora: and you still not getting any???

Kazutora: ion even wanna laugh at you. im just sad

Baji: dude💀

Mikey: what are you talking about

Draken: context????

Kazutora: just thinking about how Draken will die alone cause he's a fucking coward

Smiley: he still doesn't have any bitches???

Draken: why do you always have your nose in my fucking business

Baji: someone as hot as you shouldn't be single tbh

Baji: i'd suck the soul outta you bro

Baji: like a homie would do🤜🤛

Baji nvm that was a moment of weakness you're basically bald

Kazutora: you slipped up😕

Draken: 😐

Mikey: ok like i know i make fun of Ken-chin a lot, but ig if we're talking facts, he is pretty attractive

Mikey: doesn't beat me tho

Mikey: nothing beats being a cute blonde whos submissive and breedable😚

Mitsuya: ayo??

Kazutora: being a 6'2, ripped, extremely attractive man with tattoos, scars, mommy issues and can man handle you like a rotisserie chicken does beat that actually

Baji: bro??

Smiley: that was sus as hell🤨

Mikey: why the rotisserie chicken😭

Kazutora: imagery

Draken: uhm

Draken: thanks??

Draken: i think

Kazutora: you're still bitchless tho

Baji: i agree with Tora, but i think cute beats hot

Mitsuya: theyre two very different categories. its like having to choose between Hakkai and Draken

Mitsuya: Hakkai's more on the cute and handsome side while Draken is hot and sexy

Mitsuya: actually Hakkai's hot too nvm

Mitsuya: its basically impossible to choose

Mikey: AYO

Smiley: Mitsuya????

Baji: I KNEW HE'D SLIP UP ONE DAY

Draken: really?

Draken: thanks Mitsuya😁

Mitsuya: 👍

Mikey: WHY DO YOU ONLY ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS FROM MITSUYA

Draken: cause i know hes being genuine

Draken: you guys just do it to make fun of me

Kazutora: dumb, clueless, bald headed ass mf

Draken: go back to jail

Draken: i didn't mean that, dont go back to jail

Draken: i didnt mean to disregard your growth like that

Kazutora: bro chill its not that deep

Smiley: thats Drakens problem, he's a good person😕

Smiley: bet he'll die by jumping in front of gunshots to save someone or smth

Smiley: then he'd probably spend his last moments trying to comfort the person and telling them that it wasn't their fault

Smiley: shit pisses me off fr

Mitsuya: ??

Draken: ..what?

Baji: having morals restricts you from having fun

Draken: Baji stop acting like you're not a good person

Draken: aren't we your treasures

Baji: stfu i was hallucinating and on the brink of death

Draken: aren't you the one who sacrificed your life cause you didnt want Kazutora to feel responsible for your death???

Draken: and what did you do in your last moments?

Draken: you comforted Chifuyu

Baji: ...

Baji: Juana

Draken: ??

Draken: who's Juana ???

Baji: Juana put deez nuts in yo mouf 🤣⁉️

Draken: fuck you

*Draken has left the chat*

Kazutora: lmao he's mad

Mikey: ayt now that he's gone

Mikey: Mitsuya

Mitsuya: what

Baji: are you in love with 2 people

Mitsuya: omfg calm down i just think they're hot

Mitsuya: i have eyes

Baji: cap

Smiley: you're not the cowardly type so do smth about it don't be a pussy

Mikey: which one tho

Mitsuya: Draken's right you guys are so nosy for no reason

Mitsuya: dont yall have boyfriends??

Mikey: of course he'd agree with Ken-chin🙄

Mikey: but that reminds me i have to go hang with the bae 😋

*Mikey has left the chat*

Smiley: ew

Baji: im gonna go torment some kindergartners

Kazutora: you're gonna get reported by the school dumbass

Kazutora: pick me up tho

Baji: ayt

[meltwonu]

11. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

35. “Bite me.”

        “If you insist.”

notes; panther-hybrid!minghao, bunny!reader, the slightest whisper of jealous!minghao, heat fuckin, breeding!kink, oral(fem receiving), dirty talk, mentions of breath play, spitplay! Also this is so random but ive noticed this trend where sometimes when im posting sth for the day, THAT member will also be posting on like twt or doing a vlive or sth and i know its like theres only so many members! And im like YEA but its funny to me bc its like theyre saying ‘hey u stop that sinful content rn and enjoy this wholesome one instead’ and im just like hahah nope 😈💕 all I do is sin babyyyyyy 🤣 anyway thank you for requesting! enjoy! 💕

“Fuck, this can’t b-be happening…! Ugh!”

You try redialing Chan’s number, only for it to go straight to his voicemail after only a few rings again. A soft cry spills from your lips as you pace around your living room; palms clammy around the small device.

Your heat had come early and your usual heat partner, Chan, seemed to be either ignoring your calls or way too busy to notice you’d already phoned him five times. “F-fuck, please…” You attempt to dial him one more time, biting your lip and rubbing your already slick thighs together as you listen to the phone ringing.

‘I’m sorry, the number you have dialed--’

“Damn it!”

Minghao lives in the apartment next to you.

The quiet panther hybrid kept to himself most of the time and the only real times you’d seen him, he’d briefly smiled at you in passing whenever you’d both be in the hallways or elevator. You didn’t really know much about him in all honesty, but in the moment, you didn’t really care.

You storm out of your apartment, nervousness wracking your body as you stop right in front of his door. Raising a hand to knock, you momentarily think about your options.

A. Go back to your apartment and hope Chan picks up eventually

B. Ask Minghao this one time for the biggest favour of your life.

“Fuck it.”

Before you can change your mind, you quickly knock on his door, yelling a small ‘it’s me!’ as if Minghao would know. The door opens after a few tense seconds; Minghao’s tall form coming into view when he opens it wide enough.

“Who--oh.”

A look of realization washes over him and he’s quick to smell you in the few moments that the two of you just seem to stare at each other. “What exactly are you doing in front of my door like this?” He drawls.

Minghao doesn’t really anticipate the effect it has on you, but you quietly whimper in return, thighs clamped tight and body shivering at the dominating aura that the panther hybrid already exudes.

“Please… I--my h-heat partner is--isn’t responding and I… Please b-breed me… I can’t--can’t wait any l-long and it--it h-hurts...”

Minghao raises an eyebrow as he leans against the door; sharp eyes fixating on your body that won’t stand still. 

“Get inside, right now.”

Your fingertips tangle into Minghao’s hair as he eats you out; careful of his sleek yet fluffy black ears that protrude from his mess of hair.

Loud cries spill from you when he dips his tongue into your wet entrance before dragging it back up to your clit, teasing you as he takes his time.

“Fu--fuck, Minghao! More, more!”

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive.” He teases; lips easing into a smirk before he sucks your clit into his mouth. You let out a loud garbled moan as your entire body trembles with his touch. “I’m, ah, m-my heat…” You trail off, unsure of where you were even going with your sentence when Minghao flattens his tongue and drags it through your soaking folds. “Oh god, I--I can’t--!”

Before you can even stop yourself, you’re cumming on his tongue; fingers tightening in his messy locks and hips raising off of the bed as you grind against his flattened tongue. “Minghao, Minghao, Minghao!” The pleasure continues to wash over you even when he shakes your fingers loose from his hair and he sits up.

“You’re cute, y’know.” He smirks, lips coated in your wetness. “Just a cute ‘lil bunny getting her pussy eaten out in a panther’s bed. Aren’t you scared? I could eat you up right now, sweetheart.” His tone is teasing; eyes glimmering with mischief when your teary eyes meet his.

“Bite me. S-since, you’re so, ah, big ‘n b-bad…” You gulp as you watch him lean over you, suddenly feeling small underneath him.

“If you insist.”

Minghao has never really helped anyone through their heat.

But he’s surely heard you go through yours plenty of times.

“Oh--oh, Minghao! H--harder! Please, f-fuck me harder!” Your nails dig into his bed sheets, drool dripping from your lips as he fucks you from behind.

“Fuck, you’re so loud.” He chuckles, “Do you know how loud you are, bun? When you’re getting fucked.”

Your cheeks burn hot at his question, “H-huh…?” Minghao stops his thrusts for a second, grinding against you as you moan loudly in response. His chest meets your back as he leans over you; peppering gentle kisses along your shoulder blades before nipping at your skin. The small action has goosebumps rising on your skin almost immediately as you bite your lips to hold in your noises.

“The walls aren’t soundproof, y’know. I can hear all your cute ‘lil moans and cries whenever you’re going through your heat. I can hear how rough you like to take it and how you beg and beg and beg for more.” Minghao pauses, smirking against your skin when you clench around his cock. “The way I’m fucking you is nothing compared to how you really like it, right, bun? I hear the things you’ve said to that heat partner of yours. The walls are just so thin~” Gulping, you wait for him to continue, unable to deny the way you seem to get wetter and wetter the more he talks.

“You beg whoever it is to fill you up with cum, over and over, and all night too. And I hear the way you always tell them to be rougher with you, to choke you and spit in your cute ‘lil mouth, but do they ever give it to you?”

“N-no…”

Minghao grins, kissing your skin one last time before he straightens his back and starts fucking you at a much quicker pace. He wraps his fingers around your small fluffy tail at the small of your back, tugging on it lightly as you cry out his name. “That’s right, bun~ You just need someone like me who’ll put you in your place, right? Like the good ‘lil bunny you are.”

Garbled noises spill from your lips as he talks and you can already feel yourself on the brink of another orgasm once he starts to angle his thrusts to hit your g-spot. “Ngh, M--Minghao, fuck, ah, r-right there! More, p-please!” You move your hips in tandem with his; frenzied movements letting the panther hybrid that you were close to cumming again.

“Your cute ‘lil cunt is so fuckin’ tight and warm around my cock. Fuck, I could get used to you, bun. You should come see me more often~” Minghao licks his lips as his fingers continue to play with your tail; eyes trained on the way your body shivers underneath him. “You’re scared of me but you want me to fuck you all day, don’t you? Breed your hot ‘lil pussy until you’re full of my cum. But even then you’d still be begging me for more.”

He lets go of your tail, instead reaching around your body until his fingertips are on your clit.

“Cum for me bun, let me feel how tight you get around my cock.”

A high pitched whine is all you can manage when you cum on his command; eyes clamped shut as the pleasure washes over you. You let out a choked sob in the midst of your high, already itching to get to another orgasm.

Minghao opts to grind against you as you ride out your pleasure and he can’t help but grin at the way you keep trying to fuck yourself on his cock.

Your stuttered breaths and whines are the only noise in the room when Minghao draws his hips back; eyes fixated on his cock that’s covered in your wetness when he pulls out. He gently maneuvers you onto your back as you groan.

“Don’t tell me you’re tired already, bun? I still haven’t bred your cute ‘lil cunt. Don’t you want me to fill you up with cum? Get you nice ‘n full like you want?”

Your bleary eyes blink up at him, shaky fingertips reaching down to your soaking folds. Licking your lips, you spread yourself for him, letting him see how much wetter you were getting with each passing second. He raises a brow at you, noting the lust that pools in your eyes. 

“Hurry and b-breed me then, M--Minghao… I wanna, ah, feel you c-cumming too..”

The panther hybrid grins; eyes twinkling with playfulness as he positions himself at your entrance.

“Don’t mind if I do, bun~”

[bigbadwolf-16]

weve seen plenty of ghosts in the lore that lose their guardians and leave them dead for one reason or another but i think theres only one real instance of a ghost leaving their chosen dead and moving on to find another person, and thats ours. correct me if im wrong, but thats the only one i remember being canonically stated.

so theres a little easter egg in d1 back in taken king where we first got the scanning feature; you have ghost scan like. idk what it is, like a sleeper block or something like that, out in the cosmodrome, and he mentions that he found someone in there that he initially chose to be his guardian, but he said he was tired of fighting and so ghost took his light back and moved on.

so ghosts can take their light back and find another guardian to give it to. makes sense, they have all the necessary resources when they pull their light from someone.

but that kind of begs the question of how many people can be tethered to a ghost at once. its probably limited by how much light the ghost has, like if they could just go around bringing people back from the dead every which way there wouldnt be mass graves all over the system -- everyone who died on the moon would have been brought home, everyone who died during the war would still be with us, and itd cheapen the actual loss of life in a narrative thats focused on protecting what precious little is left of humanity.

personally i feel like a ghost can only have one guardian at a time. maintaining a guardian takes a lot of energy; theyre immortal super-soldiers so theyre always gonna have wounds to heal or deaths to be brought back from, sometimes a lot at once, and if theres more than one, the strain that would put on a ghost would probably make them very inefficient, not to mention stressed. imagine being the on-call medic for an entire fireteam thats spread out across a whole combat zone and youre an extremely vulnerable target the size of a softball. not a great situation.

but i think if they get to someone in time (if they have a charge already) they can bring someone back from the brink of death, i.e. heal wounds that would be fatal or maybe revive someone from a coma. back in forsaken, ghost does a little sweep on cayde as hes dying which suggest that he could have saved him, but per my last rb, being hit with the shockwave after sundance was blasted by a weapon of sorrow probably interfered with the process and that meant there was nothing that ghost could do. caydes connection to the light wasnt just cut off, it was completely purged, and ghost couldnt tether with him to heal his wounds. there was no coming back from that.

so!! idk, this has run long, but its interesting to think about. i can go on for hours about ghost lore and all the little ideas i have but, thats my thoughts for now

[societysonlooker]

So uh. Overstating a bit but I've reached a weird point in my life where all my anxieties have just been like. Accepted as fact. And, its certainly not healthy, and probably a lot worse for me in the long run, but like, at least I dont want to off myself right the fuck now, you feel? Ok so. Point is,

I think a lot of the batfam cope this way specifically tim, but also Jason, damian, and dick. I think steph and cass are still actually dealing with it in a semi-healthy way, and duke... im not really that familiar with his character but im pretty sure he's the most well-adjusted individual there.

So like, getting to this point was a series of "my worst fears HAPPENED and I survived them, but now I just accept them as part of me". Failure, inadequacy, being the last left standing, things like that.

Tim lived to see everyone he loved die. Even if theyre back now, he still believes it is going to happen again. No matter how much logic and reasoning he uses to say that it probably won't, at his core, he believes he'll be left alone. He believes one day he'll be too slow, or he won't figure out the mystery quick enough, or he wont be able to hack something fast enough, and someone he loves will die. He knows he's gonna be the last left standing, so he doesnt always try to save himself. He doesnt actively think of it as trying to die, or trying to avoid that fate, but he knows what he's doing.

Damian thinks he's failed his legacy. He honestly believes he's failed the Bat and the Al'Ghuls. And while he's not so stressed about the later, at least at one point he knew he was good at it, excelled, really. But he left it behind for his fathers crusade and failed, and now he cant go back. He wants nothing more than to be accepted into his family, and to have friends who love him, but he honestly believes he can never have either of those things, so he acts the part of the Demon Child, and tries not to let anything get through. He accepts he won't be anything different.

Dick knows he's charismatic, knows people love him on the surface, knows his friends love him and that they'd all take bullets for each other. But, he's pretty sure that who he is deep down, that man isn't lovable. Too broken, too many sharp edges. Too much temper and will and hurt. He wont find happiness with another person, never find a love like his parents'.

He's also terrified of his loved ones falling. That ones canon. He's saved them, so far (dont think about jason there was nothing you could've done for Jason you weren't even on earth you couldn't have helped you should have been there). Since his parents he's saved them so far, but that fear is still there. He hasn't had to watch them fall, yet. But he's still watched them die, And one day, just like with his parents, he wont be enough to stop it. And this time they won't come back. He knows it'll be his fault they die.

Jason died. Joker beat him to the brink of death then blew him sky fucking high. He couldn't stop it and Batman was far too late. His birth mother didn't want him, his father didn't want him, the only person he KNOWS cared about him put herself in the ground with a needle and too much dope (he knows its not her fault he knows that if she'd just had access to treatment she'd still be alive today but he can't help but be resentful, he was a child–) and batman, Bruce, he was too late. He was too late following Jason and he was too late to save him. And Jason died. And when he came back, when he first begged and then tried to force Batman to kill the monster hiding under his bed, his father wouldn't do it. So yeah, Jason knows hes not enough. He knows that he's not worth his family pushing themselves for him. He knows he's not worth it, that he's a lost cause and as bad as the rest of the scum the bat hunts at night. He knows hes not wanted by Bruce or any of his siblings. He forces himself to be ok with that. Pretends thats just who he is and that he's ok with it. Roy helps. Roy helps a lot, actually. He didn't die but Oli gave up on him all the same (so they think) and, hells of death its good to have his best friend back. But then Roys dead and fuck he cant even avenge him. Can't even do what he swore he would and huh, maybe he really isn't worth it after all. He cant even keep his word? Yeah, He knows he can't be saved.

And Bruce... way back at the beginning, Bruce and batman were the same person. And Brucie was the airheaded mask he wore in public. But... slowly that changed. He didn't change that much, but the depersonalization got worse. Batman was separate from Bruce and he truly acted that way. Batman on the streets was an entirely different entity to Bruce wearing the suit in the cave. But... soon that changed too. He was batman. And Bruce became just another mask. He couldn't handle the trauma his nightlife dragged into the daylight so he retreated into it. Raised his walls and closed himself off to anything that could hurt him. He is Batman. He doesnt know what that means for him. He doesnt know what that means for his family. He doesnt like to think about it so he doesnt, and he throws himself into his work instead. His Brucie personality fades to just Bruce, and the public sees it as the natural maturation of a man raising a family. But Bruce is just Batman without the mask, and with the limitations that an average intelligent moderately fit billionaire should have. The pretending that those limits exist is his mask now. He wants to reach out to his children, hes not sure he knows how anymore. He knows hes hurting them, but so long as it keeps them alive, its worth it, right? Bruce couldn't save them, but maybe Batman can.

(He doesnt know its killing them faster)

They've all accepted the worst. Of themselves and of their fates and nothing is gonna convince them otherwise. In their own minds, they're doomed.

And nothing can save them.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

Hamilton!firstprince au

(cross posted from twitter with a couple of edits b/c i couldn’t make them there)

in which i loosely follow the plot of hamilton except its firstprince and alex and henry get a happy ending. inspired by the striking similarities i noted between our favorite first son and his namesake hamilton in the broadway musical

the similarities:

both have/will have a political career

both often talk too much/don't mind their words

both began as lawyers

both extremely motivated but overwork themselves (“nonstop” +  “you have a fire under ur ass for no good goddamn reason)

both had some sort of sex scandal that impacted their career plans

hamilton speculated to be bi

the story

the setup of the colonized country alex lives in is similar to the usa vs england but fictional bc alexs race would have limited his opportunities in america's early years

idk names for either of these countries so its now the colony and the motherland

alex + his mom live alone in the poorer southern part of the colony

but his dad + june live elsewhere + they dont rly contact e/o (tho they do know of e/o’s existence)

june becomes a journalist who writes important pieces abt independence

when alex comes of age his mom reveals she used to be part of the rebellion

thats actually why his dad left to raise june bc it was too dangerous

his parents met in the rebellion but oscar left first for june while ellen stayed until she realized she was pregnant w alex

ellen still has some rebel contacts but she mostly sheltered alex to keep him safe

now tho alex decides to join too + the rebellion sends him up north to the capital for an education bc he's smart + they need people like that

he attends uni + meets like-minded people there

tension grows btwn the colony in the motherland, and alex + his friends write/speak out often and this goes on throughout their schooling

they’re also troublemakers in general too, much to the annoyance of the motherland soldiers stationed in the capital to prevent rebellion

henry is one of those soldiers

he's from a noble family in the motherland but was sent overseas as the sort of black sheep of the family due to his sexuality

the idea was to let him be in charge in the colony + reestablish a reputation there w/o embarrassing the main family back home

henry hates his job + feels bad for the colonists but still does what he's told anyway

alex + fhis riends like to bug motherland soldiers for fun

nothing  enough to put their lives in danger too much (although yes that too esp when drunk)

henry becomes a favorite target of alex's bc he's awfully stoic + statue like + on the way to uni - overall fun to antagonize 

there's also the fact that alex is angry at all the soldiers for oppressing the colony + holding up the motherland monarchs tyranny (but also alex just is the type to fight literally everything and anything) 

it becomes almost a daily ritual for them to argue 

henry wonders why this colonist keeps on picking a fight w him but soon almost looks forward to it

many of the other soldiers know or speculate why henry is in the colony but none make the effort to get to know him; some even call him arrogant or undeserving of his position

alex doesn't 

of course alex also doesn't know him

and alex hates him

but he doesn't whisper behind henry's back

henry comes to read some of the essays alex publishes speaking out against the monarchy + also hears alex speak to crowd in the square

alex is a talented + charismatic public speaker

henry finds himself growing increasingly sympathetic to the colonists cause

at the same time he and the other soldiers are order to be stricter and dole out more punishments

the others gleefully do so which makes henry concerned about alex's safety bc alex often seems to have no self-preservation skills

henry asks alex for a word when he's alone 

“am I in trouble?” “no but you bloody will be if u keep going on like this” 

“this is serious” “so am I” “you can't go around saying things so openly you'll get yourself killed”

alex tries to leave at this point “I think I'll be ok” but henry shoves him against the nearest wall 

“listen to me! stop acting like this is a game! ur putting ur sodding life in danger! I dont bloody care what ur opinions r but why must u declare them around enemy soldiers? how is this helpful 2 ur cause? u cant fight if ur dead” 

“you'd b surprised how effective martyrs are” 

cue enraged henry noises 

alexs gaze turns hard “listen i  appreciate/the advice” he says sarcastically “but I dont need an enemy telling me what to do. I can take care of myself” 

there's a stirring in alexs chest after he removes henry's hand and stalks off that he's pretty sure is anger

like it can't be anything else 

while alex is trying to convince himself of that, the tensions boil over + soon the two sides are on the brink of war then the fighting starts

henry + alex don't talk much for a while bc they're both busy on their sides preparing

school is on hold during the war so alex + his friends are looking to serve + bring glory to their names 

alex esp is recognized for his intelligence + becomes the recognized general rafael lunas secretary

luna is the george washington figure in this case who is impressed by alex wants him as his right-hand man

alex is disappointed his role is not on the battlefield bc he knows he has a good tactical mind + he could change the tide of a losing war + gain honor and status thru it, which would put him in a good position to be elected in the future

as secretary, alex is in charge of a lot of important correspondence eg for more supplies + men, so the motherland soldiers figure ambushing him off the battlefield would make things hard for the colonists

henry overhears this plan + immediately worries for alex's safety but he's cornered by another soldier to talk strategy + misses the chance to take out the men then

henry manages to catch that they're going to attack alex at night when he leaves + henry arrives just in time to kill them in a panic

alex hears the gunshot + yells “drop ur weapon”, drawing his own gun

henry obviously does + alex inspects the scene he keeps a gun fixed on henry

“what's going on?” he asks, eyeing henry w/ suspicion

henry explains everything + looks positively terrified bc he just betrayed his side even tho the motherland and his family has treated him like shit since he came out but still. 

becoming an outright traitor is not something henry ever planned + leaving behind everything he's ever known w no hope of ever going back is terrifying

but he also doesn't regret protecting alex

alex questions henry but can quickly tell henry is sincere + is telling the truth

henry explains his change of heart + they have a heartfelt moment in/just outside luna's office.

alex almost died + henry just switched sides, emotions are running high and they escalate into a kiss. the moon is out + it's all very romantic but they don't admit their feelings yet

soon after they go to luna, explain the situation + talk w the other generals/people in charge

henry is sent away on an assignment + is watched closely at first but he proves his loyalty quickly

henry and alex write letters back + forth that turn into love letters 

besides managing correspondence for luna, some of alexs ideas of sneak attacks/stealing supplies help turn the tide of the war andhe also writes to other countries for foreign aid

eventually the colonists win in this huge up start that no one anticipated bc the motherland is known as the most powerful country in the world

he + henry reunite in the capital of once the war is over

alex finishes up his studies + practices law + soon is chosen to be part of the new lawmaking body

things are going pretty well for alex w his legal + political success and his relationship with henry

they dont live together but theyre dating tho no one else knows

alex pretends to be single instead + says he doesn't want to be tied down

it works while he's still in his early 20s but as he gets closer to 30, people start to find it strange + tell him he needs to settle

being married to his work is also not a valid excuse anymore

it turns out alex made quite a few political enemies due to his strong opinions that he always vocalises + can be unwilling to compromise on

they don't like his ideas or more often hate him and hence his ideas too

they look for some dirt on him bc atm he has lunas support which has a lot of sway + decide they need to find out why he hasn't married

they manage to find out about henry + threaten to tell the public

alex is obviously distraught re the consequences personally + politically

so alex and henry discuss what to do 

henry is willing to put alexs political career 1st but firmly explains their relationship can't continue if that's the case

henry gave up his whole life + any possibility of going back to his family so he's not willing to be someone's dirty little secret  

alex doesn't know what to do so he goes to consult luna who he's become very close with over the years

luna is not quite old enough to be his father but he's like an uncle + he always calls alex “kid”, much to alex's annoyance

but alex knows he'll have some good advice

alex + luna end up having a long conversation

like washington luna has always been very vocal abt his regrets re his naivety + desire for glory back in his youth

hes always said that this was his greatest regret in life. but then he tells alex like he had another great regret in life- letting go of the love of his life

alex is surprised bc luna's never mentioned anyone special

“who is she?” 

“he” luna corrects “he was my best friend. we had something a relationship but it was short-lived bc I decided I wanted to join the military + attain glory. i thought thats what i wanted in life. turns out that stuff is meaningless w/o anyone to share it w. nor did I even achieve it. perhaps i did accomplish some things but now in my retirement I have no one by my side. i have found that life is meaningless without love and family.  

“i tried to find my friend to reconnect after all these years even as simply friends but he died in the war. alex, I see many similarities between us. don't make the same mistake that I did, alexander. glory + lasting legacy mean nothing if you're alone in the end

“if you make choices that are motivated by love and family you will be a lot happier”

alex takes his advice even though he kind of hates sort of giving up to his enemies

he decides to choose henry and his own happiness over politics bc in the end he's done a lot of good work and that much is enough

also his enemies probably would try to blackmail him throughout his career if he was doing something against their interests

so he + henry leave the capital and move uptown and the two of them have a quiet retirement + engage in philanthropy for the rest of their lives

separately they've amassed a decent amount of money - henry kept a portion of his inheritance despite being unofficially disowned and alex made a lot of money as a lawyer and then politician

as it turns out alex still has a tangential role in politics when some of his former allies go to him for advice

all in all, alex happy with his final decision to be with henry and step away from politics

the two of them live happy and full lives together

[negasonicimagines]

Gladdest (Soulmate AU)

For this, I’ll be using the soulmate AU where what happens to your soulmate’s body happens to you. I’m not sure who originally came up with this. Basically, how it works, is like, if your soulmate gets punched in the face, you feel like you’ve been punched in the face. If your soulmate dies, you don’t die, but you feel it. Same with broken bones, you’ll feel it, but your arm won’t actually be broken. But not just pain, other stuff. Like if your soulmate cries, you’ll feel it, but you don’t cry unless they’re super heartbroken, or if they get a really good hug you feel it, too. In my version of this AU, the pain and other feeling doesn’t start until you turn sixteen. Imagine how fucked up it would be if that wasn’t the case and you had a partner older than you? Like, while 13-year old Bill gets in a fight, his soulmate, who is only 3, feels the same punches and kicks. It’d be so fucked up.

warnings: nsfw (but no actual sex, just a lot of talking about it [and masturbation] and some sexually tense scenes), the reader nearly has a panic attack (again, i know, sorry. what can I say? I project), & reader has a thing for.... erotic asphyxiation. let me know if i missed anything.

I am very open to writing a part two with smut... I just chickened out with this because I felt it wouldn’t be good writing.

You’d been sixteen for a little while now, and there hadn’t been much contact from your soulmate aside from the occasional feel of a phone falling on your face and smacking it.

It’s the beginning of a new school year at Xavier’s, and you’re pretty thrilled. Your roommate this year is your best friend, Ellie. Okay, not just your best friend, she’s your crush, too. Do I really have to say, at this point?

“Hey,” she greets you, sounding rather sullen as she enters your dorm, where you sit on the edge of your bed.

“What’s up?” you ask.

“I turned sixteen over the summer and I haven’t felt anything to give me a hint. All my soulmate does is cry.”

“All my soulmate does is drop their phone on their face,” you offer a complaint in return, and the two of you lock eyes for a moment, one of realization.

“No,” Ellie says. “No.” She’s bright red, immediately thinking of just how many hot summer nights she was kept up, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, gasping for breath at the way her soulmate’s fingers curled just right, just fucking right. There’s no way you, her crush and her best friend, were that good.

“No, can’t be,” you agree.

“Could be,” she reminds you.

“It’d make sense,” you admit.

“I hate everyone else but you.”

“We could try to find out,” you suggest.

She pinches herself.

“Ow! Not like that!” You whine, clutching at your arm. “Oh, well, I guess it’s too late th-” Ellie cuts you off with her eyes alone.

“Where does all that energy come from, Y/N?! What are you, the Energizer bunny?! At least three times a night, every night! What the hell?!”

You blush deeply, scratching the back of your neck. You hadn’t exactly expected you’d meet your soulmate anytime soon, or that they’d be bold enough to comment on your habits.

“I dunno, I thought it was normal for kids our age…” you mumble.

“Oh, yeah, well some people like sleeping and not screaming into the pillow because their soulmate has a little too much fun doing the five finger shuffle!”

“Please, louder. I think a few people in Antarctica didn’t hear you,” you retort, looking up at her from where you were sitting with a challenging expression.

“We’ve been friends for all this time and I never knew what a horny bastard you are,” she remarks.

“Well, I’m not the one who was ‘screaming’ in pleasure,” you mutter.

“I heard that!” she says, her expression still adorably indignant.

“If you hated it so much, you should’ve just got those over the counter meds, Antifel or whatever.”

“I- I…” She sighs. “Yeah, I didn’t hate it that much,” she admits, and you smile a bit. “But I wasn’t a fan of the choking,” she adds, gesturing at your scarf, your favorite one that she never would’ve guessed hides the bruises from where you’ve choked yourself with a belt, at least not before. “I’m more of a choker than a ‘chokee’, but, I guess that’d be obvious, wouldn’t it? Considering we’re soulmates and all.”

You nod, your eyes now on your lap, the floor, her tee shirt, the lamp in the corner, anything that isn’t her eyes, and she smirks.

“Oh, so now you’re shy?”

“A little,” you quietly reply, and she sits next to you on your bed.

“Let’s cool down,” she offers. “We’ve just seen each other after months of purely texting and the occasional phone call.”

“Thanks,” you respond, finding it easier to breathe.

“Why were you crying so much?” Ellie asks, addressing her original observation.

“Just depressed and lonely and stuff. I don’t have friends in my hometown, not like you.”

“You’ll always have me,” she says. “I mean it.”

“I’d hope so, soulmate,” you laugh off the seriousness of the conversation, and she sighs, looking to your eyes with her own soulful ones.

“I’m glad it’s you,” she tells you.  “I don’t think I’d be able to stand anyone else.”

“Yeah, right!” you huff out a laugh, confused at her sudden emotional openness. Sure, she was more honest about her feelings with you than anyone else, but that didn’t mean that she was a completely open book. Who was?

“You’re not disappointed, are you?” Ellie wonders because of your remark.

“God, no! I- I actually have a really big crush on you,” you admit.

“Yeah?” she asks, the cutest little grin on her face, you know the one. “I have a crush on you, too.”

You blush again.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m not very good at flirting or anything like that. I don’t really care about much of anyone at all, and you’re definitely the only person I’ve really cared about in a romantic way, so…”

“No, it’s not that! I- You- You being really good at flirting is what’s got me like this. And the fact that I’m a dork who’s really bad at flirting contributes,” you explain.

“I am? Good at flirting, I mean.”

“Well, with me, at least,” you tell her.

“Um… Sorry if it’s lame to ask, but… Can I kiss you?”

“Of course! And it’s not lame to ask at all, El, I appreciate it actua- Mmf!”

You could live forever in the feeling of her lips on yours, her hands oh-so carefully holding your cheeks.

“Sorry,” she shyly says, as she slowly pulls away from you, looking in your eyes. “I’ve just been wanting to do that for a really, really long time. Pretty much since we met, actually.”

“R-really?” you ask, a bit breathless and definitely still flustered.

“Yeah, you’re perfect. In, like, every way. It’s the worst and the best.”

“I’m perfect?! But you’re- You’re you!” you argue, and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m so lucky.”

“No, I’m the lucky one,” she disagrees.

“We can both be lucky,” you tell her, and she sighs.

“I suppose that’s a good compromise,” she decides. “So, what should we do before dinner? We’ve got a couple hours to kill, but I don’t think either of us has much more to say that wouldn’t be repetitive or… Something.” She blushes again, cheeks bright pink.

You blush back, reminded that she knew all about you and the things you did to yourself behind doors. “R-right,” you reply. Hey, you may be a horny motherfucker, but that doesn’t make you any less of a bottom.

“Can I see?” she asks, touching at your scarf. You nod, and she unwraps the scarf. She carefully touches the spotted bruises with her fingers. “With the belt you’re wearing?”

You can’t even speak. You nod, and the ghost of a smile graces her face before she just barely presses her lips to the bruises closest to her, on the side of your neck. Your hand quickly grabs her bicep tightly, and she stops, looking to you with concern.

“I’m so sorry, I got a bit carried aw-”

“No, no, it’s good, I’m just… Sensitive there,” you admit, and one of the biggest smiles you’ve seen her wear is on her lips.

“Yeah?” she asks, taking her crossbody bag off of her shoulder and opening it. She takes out a bottle of Antifel pills. “How sensitive?”

“Oh God, um… I- Um…” Your nerves are really getting to you, and your breathing gets heavier as you stare at the bottle. This is really happening. It’s really happening. You’d always wanted to, especially with her, but now that it’s a reality, you feel on the brink.

Ellie can recognize that look in your eyes, and it’s a look she’d hoped she’d never be the cause of.

“Shit, Y/N. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I- Um, I just- I want to? But I- I just- I don’t know, it’s just getting really hard to breathe, and uh, not in a hot way,” you joke nervously.

“Hey, you can want to and not be ready to right this minute. We haven’t even been on a date yet, okay? I’m really sorry if I made you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to,” Ellie tells you, and she feels immensely guilty either way.

“No! I liked you kissing me, especially where you did, but, you’re right. We should probably adjust to the news and put a label on whatever this is before we do anything too serious.”

Ellie nods. “You always were the more logical one. I’ll put these in the medicine cabinet and we can just… Talk about stuff, like we always do.”

“But with more kissing and cuddling, I hope?” you request, and she nods, going to put the bottle away before returning to find you bundled up in her comforter. “It’s so cozy…” you practically sing, at least to her.

“This is a dream,” she sighs happily, slipping off her shoes and joining you in her bed. You spoon her side, and she hums in content, stroking your hair.

“You’re in a good mood,” you comment. Ellie is not a very cheerful person, at least not openly. So, to see her like this was surprising.

“Yeah, of course I am. It’s you. It’s really you. I’ve never been happier in my life,” she says, having really been hit with the fact that you’re her soulmate. All hers. “All mine…” she hums.

“You really know how to make a girl feel special… I mean it. I’m really not all that.”

“Please be my girlfriend,” she requests.

“Only if you’ll be mine,” you reply, and she scoffs.

“I think that’s how that works, babe.”

Your heart skips a beat and you stare at her in wonder.

“Sorry for not asking if pet names were okay…It’s just something I like, it’s really stupid.”

“No, I really like it, hence the dumb stare and the lack of breathing.”

She chuckles, holding you tighter. You smile with her, glad that she’s happy.

“I hope you don’t feel like you have to over-exaggerate how happy you are. It’s okay if you’re not ridiculously happy about finding your soulmate.”

“Oh, no, I’m as happy as I sound. I’m, uh, definitely a textbook case of Lesbian That’s A Grumpy Bitch Til She Gets A Girlfriend. But then again, I’ll probably just be a significantly less grumpy bitch to everyone but you, sorry.”

“I don’t mind, I like you being your bitchy self,” you reply, being rewarded with a kiss placed atop your head that sends tingles dancing down your body. “Mm… I like that.”

“Good,” Ellie responds. “I’m glad.”

“I’m gladder,” you tease.

“I’m gladdest...”