#i think thats a fair rundown

[oblivionlotus]

//okay I've come up with a "blurb" I think is good for my TBA oc. Didn't take as long as I thought. Feel free to leave me feedback or whatever! Here it is:

If there was ever an English word that could describe the thirty-something Captain Hevan Batíste, it would be "bitch". In fact, she has helpfully tattooed that very word on her face in case of any confusion. The reasons behind this being the perfect word for her are long but each of them well-earned.

The irony of it, though. A word often employed by certain folk to describe an infuriating woman, bought and paid for in blood, stamped in ink, and on display as a lifestyle choice rather than a hissed word. The irony that someone like her should be named in a fashion similar to the English word Heaven (though it is not pronounced this way in her mother tongue).

If that alone isn't enough to give an idea of who Captain Hevan Batíste is, then you had better learn quickly; Batíste suffers no fools.

Those who have met her would describe her as being grotesque in appearance, but her behaviour - when she is pleasant - reeks of nobility and even gentleness. Indeed, the prison tattoo upon her face confirms her nobility - only the nobleblood criminals get inked with a black diamond. You feel a sense of confusion about her. In other words, Batíste comes across as a living puzzle.

Those who actually know the woman would say she is tough but always fair - you treat her well, and she will return that. They would warn against testing her and may even exhibit an air of being protective. They know in detail what she is capable of and would say she has more than earned respect.

Those counted as her brothers and sisters within the Cult of Damœ would praise her not only for her faith and her blood offerings, but also for her devout indulgence in representing Damœ's ideals: she is both grotesque and picturesque, kind and wicked, child of snake and child of man.

Unlike most other womenfolk of her home planet, she can hold a decent conversation and will speak to you as an equal. She insists upon that.

Some strangers may wade into a conversation with her with an expectation based on her appearance: she must be crazy, let's see what the crazy woman will say. Yes, Batíste is crazy, but not in the way these people expect. They will leave disappointed and will not be harmed for their assumptions. Batíste prefers they live, forever known as a fool by all who know better.

In public, surrounded by a chosen group of outcasts - the disabled, the ugly, the diseased - Batíste cuts a fine figure. Always dressed well, sporting a fine rapier sword on one hip and a top-gear lazer pistol on the other. In private, when all her fine regalia and weaponry are removed, she appears soft and vulnerable. This impression is aided by the fact that, when at repose, she removes her false mechanical leg. Yet she has slain a few people even in this state.

What is the truth, and what is the illusion? Who is this contradictory woman? Failing all other answers, she is simply, proudly that bitch.

[hearts401]

could you tell us more about swap! mike if you have the time he’s so important to me….

(also your art is so good. and your fics. like you are so so talented and you’re super funny as well and I love ur blog sm have an incredible day 🫶🫶🫶🫶)

WAAAH IM GLAD U LIKE HIM he's so special to me too

Im thinking of things i might not have shared already BUT ill also just drop a rundown of what happened bc i think some stuff has changed since last time i told it

basically mikes 10th or 11th (havent decided yet) birthday rolls around and hes messing w his friends and they lock him out as a joke. mildly annoyed, he just goes around to the back but finds he doesnt have his father's key with him like he's supposed to. luckily, william is there! and. stabs him. charlie dies shortly after in the bite, the missing kids (including mikes old friend sammy who was NOT involved in the party incident) all die (cassidys not in this au btw lol sammys toysnhk) and then sees evan get killed by circus baby. this whole time he's dragging them back because he wants revenge on his father, however sammy doesnt need dragging. he accepts michaels offer immediately. In fnaf 2, the security guard is the chica bully (who i have yet to name and fun fact she's transgenderrr mtf) and mike sends mangle after her while distracting her. she gets bite of 87ed. Michael chases henry into the fredbear suit and kills him, applauds evan for killing elizabeth before ditching him when he explains that he brought her back via remnant, and targets her and henry for the entirety of fnaf 6 before being caught in lefty and stopped for one night despairing over being trapped and shocked. buuut he returns the next night with a VENGANCE. he also joins sammy torturing will down in ucn.

NOW FOR THE NEW STUFF

He's way younger than teen mike but he does still have a habit of lashing out especially at evan. however when he sees everyone die that lessens a bit, and he often worries about evan stuck down there in the bunker, since hes the only spirit michael cant keep an eye on. they are, after all, under his protection. thats not to say charlie doesnt take that role, and she takes it much more seriously. they are TRULY under her protection and she is a lot kinder than michael is. but ill ramble about her some other time lol. when evan scoops liz and is kicked out of ennard, michael is ecstatic! his brother is back and they dont have to worry about elizabeth getting involved anymore! until evan reluctantly explains that liz is not dead for good. michael is upset with him, and evan defends her, saying its not fair that she has to suffer for what their father did and INSISTS that she wasnt actually working for william. but mike doesnt buy it and waves evan off. he cares about him, sure, but hes not exceptionally worried, and now evans pissed him off.

later, when henry goes to the saferoom and michael kills him, charlie and sammy are incredibly upset. they both defend henry, and michael ends up ditching them and turning the missing kids against them. because sammy chose this life to get rid of will, and charlie wasnt even murdered, so CLEARLY they have no say in this. (mikes just a bully and also second oldest only to sammy)

but then the missing kids move on and michael stays behind. because hes not done yet! hisdads still here! and everyone left him and hes soooo pissed because all thats left is charlie, sammy, evan, and henry. (oh and molten freddy) and hes just!!! ARGH!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!! and uaufhuh

[imaginespazzi]

Hi hi hi!

Reporting live and procrastinating responsibilities :). So heres my rundown, pretty much matchy matchy w yours, naturally: Generally the video vibes almost 💯 fit with the allegations 🙃. Please bear w the rambling thoughts in no particular order. Im not sure how one could possibly cohesively recap ALL THAT lol. Ok it blows my mind how much they personally had to catch up on w one another! God damn babes, you havent talked much if at all in nearly a month. Again it screams that there was more of a relationship (ending poorly).. Even friends moving apart prob wouldve had more contact over that time. Sometimes I wonder how they dont realize what they reveal by what they leave ~unsaid/not explained! Though G’s “really bad breakup” comment felt weighted given their situation. To me much of the injury discussion came across as carry over from the In The Mirror. With G making a point to say nice things (good memories of playing together;tearing up when Liz got hurt; not being wholly herself as a player w/out Kitley;the frustration at team reaction after the game following the injury; belief that Liz will recover/be drafted etc.). And G’s words still feel to me like a way of her dealing with some guilt which she cant quite yet express or process. Especially considering her adding stuff about being w the Kitley fam lately and helping move Liz’s stuff ha. If a person ever questioned something going down between L&G, I’ll say alarm bells went off when L described her night following the injury and staying over w Cayla. In such a low moment, poor girlie really couldnt manage being at her own place thats shared w one of her closest pals. Ooof. However, on the whole, they sounded more comfortable at times than I expected. In fact the convo sometimes got surprisingly open and loose - gals dont tell me that we had a bit of liquid courage before recording. ;) And it did stand out to me that L asked the “fans” on multiple occasions to just be decent and grateful for what they had + be understanding of decision making under the situation, but stopped short of telling people to leave G alone (which, given everything we’re led to believe, fair play hun). My big takeaway was that they seem to be taking this time of big adjustment as also a new beginning to possibly recover a friendship. Clearly theres still issues to work thru, but perhaps theyve reached a more settled/amicable place? Or at least were just able to deal w each other long enough to provide us all w a semi closure pod 😐. But heres hoping for more future content, as they hinted at! Oh and as someone who works w/in college athletics, I was very sympathetic to their comments throughout re change. Its a crazy industry, stuff happens in the blink of an eye and you do just have to deal with that ish. The harsh reality of the current state of things is that one rarely gets a neat, happy closure.

Happy Sunday to you bestie, hope its fantastic! -☕️

Reporting live and procrastinating is so real, like me asf fr fr.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. Like they seemed so out of the loop when it came to each other's life and that's just so weird to me? I mean I get it could just be regular friends drifting but that wasn't the ~vibe~ at all to me and maybe again it's the allegations bias but it was just very much giving exes.

Hardcore agree with the Georgia stuff because I thought some of what she was saying felt a bit like an overcompensation, an apology of sorts to make up in a way for anything else that *might* have happened. Honestly Georgia being so nice, no shade, doesn't really fit the dynamic from before where sometimes Georgia's snark was just mean to me really.

Every new bit of info/content, I just continue to feel terrible for Liz. And I think her staying at Cayla's really gave away the depth of how much has happened between her and Georgia. And again yeah it could be a friend breakup but it just feel a little too serious for that.

Obviously I don't know a timeline, if there even is one, but this podcast gave me the vibes that if they were together, it's actually been a decent while since they broke up and are now in a place where they can co-exist in an amicable manner. I don't know if we'll ever get another podcast or if they'll actually be able to be in a genuine friendship again but I think they're in a good enough place and I do love that for them.

[lifehunted]

so anyway self-indulgent ocxcanon soulsborne ships rundown yay 🎉

DS1

tyr/fair lady: hes enamored to the point of great yearning, meanwhile shes blind, cant even understand him, and also thinks he is the sister that he killed. is unable to express his feelings at all and goes a little bonkers from it. kills her remaining sisters at quelana's behest. eventually does manage to move on, but keeps an egg from her and eventually raises a spider son

tyr/solaire: he gets the good route at least, but also i do like to think of the bad route. they fight gwyn together but solaire moves on and thats the last they see of each other. in all likelihood they also never even touched nor confessed

DS2

artur/lucatiel: two knights going through hell together but they are fated to die apart. artur does indeed carry her memory onward, all the way to when she's summoned as a lord of cinder in ds3 and gives ymir her name and story. girl yaoi

artur/shanalotte: the herald who sends artur to her death, albeit not with that full intention. knight and lady dynamic, of course. artur’s memory haunts her until the day she too, comes to pass

DS3

ymir/anri: Man.png. tragically intertwined from the start. ymir worked directly under and was betrayed by the pontiff, & anri having lost everything to aldritch... anyway we know how this all ends (not marriage route tho)

ymir/firekeeper: ummm. what if i was a knight and you were my only constant companion, and what if you were the only one by my side when i decided to betray the world's flame. and we were both girls

ELDEN RING

darda/varre: psychosexual obsession of mutual hatred and disgust. they will NEVER get it together. their goals and damage end up being too much at odds for anything past Pretending. maybe if things were different then it could've been better. darda does eventually kill him

keziah/ranni: Literally The Only Happy Ending Pair. a dynamic based on mutual respect and intrigue. they go through hell and back and end up realizing what the other means to them. they get sappy. keziah does get conflicted when he learns she was behind night of black knives but sorts through it, becomes wife guy

and ironically enough halli has no ships! keziah is definitely somewhere close in this verse, but otherwise he just fucks around

[portgas-d-rouge]

I've been following you on Twitter and you're really cool but I'm really concerned if you're normal or not. You have proship dni in bio, but you follow proshippers like lawlu and even acesabo and I know you used to follow a coralaw shipper. You keep interacting with lawlu and mipero shippers and are friends with proshippers' friends, too. Also your account is 16+ but you're following a 15yo kid. I'm worried if you're really okay to keep following or one of the weirdos that pretends to be normal.

hmm im really looking to stay out of any fights or drama buuuuuut ultimately i think its important for everyone to make informed decisions abt their own safety so ill just give a quick rundown of what im about 👍🏻

first of all... what 15 year old am i following?! i assure you its not on purpose.

second, ultimately i think "anti/proship" is kind of reductive discourse. i like psychosexual horror and toxic relationships and self shipping. and i dont think everyone who enjoys exploring dark topics is an abuse apologist. i do think sometimes people can be reactive and overcorrect with those things. there are plenty of grey areas!!

HOWEVER anyone who actively identifies as "proship", or believes strongly enough to start debating people about how "fiction doesnt affect reality" and has no bearing on rape/abuse culture is a fucking idiot. i especially cant stand anything shipping characters with their childhood caretakers or incest. which is what im trying to weed out w/ the DNI. ill always have more sympathy for "antis" even if i dont always agree with them.

that being said, theres certain things that personally ick me out that I don't find morally reprehensible/block worthy. i would never post or encourage la/wlu or mihawk/perona - the age gaps are gross to me - but i also don't think theyre really that bad. not nearly on the same level as something like coralaw or shanksluffy. like, peronas fully an adult and luffy only really gets to know law when hes 19 already. but i can promise id never retweet or reblog anything with those ships.

in general i try to give people the benefit of the doubt and don't hold people responsible for who they interact with (within reason). people are not necessarily friends with everyone they follow. people often use twitter much more casually.

im also like, a person, with a full time job, and i dont always extensively comb through someones twitter. sometimes i follow someone i think draws normal cora + law or asl brothers and i get jumpscared by nasty shit and it is! very unpleasent for me!

i care a lot about abuse/rape culture and how we as individuals are still complicit in it and can combat it, and I apply feminist analysis to all types of media - even fanworks. i was legit traumatized by 2010s fandom, and saw a lot of people get hurt and abused by fandom adults, so I know the effects of this "anything goes" mentality can have on people! i wish we could have these discussions without getting defensive and hostile and accusing nervous teenagers of being evangelical zealots (🙄) because theyre trying to protect themselves

if anything i said is something youre not comfortable with, then thats fair and block me if you need to. i encourage anyone, especially younger people, to enforce their own boundaries as they see fit. 👍🏻

[renewingagain]

sunday 9th october 2022 // 4:44pm

once again it’s been quite a while since i’ve journaled lol. i really need to do this more often as it’s quite an effective way for me to check myself, work out whats going on with me internally, and also help me work out things like where my life is headed, sort out my future, establish goals and things like that

but i say this everytime i journal, and then leave it a good few months before i get back to it 🤣

anyway, i started off with this post by actually reading a few of my previous entries just to assess how my life has been the past year, what my feelings have been like throughout, and to then compare to how im doing now

considering that the last year or two of my life have genuinely been some of the hardest years i’ve been through, i’m actually doing pretty well in this latter half of 2022

the past couple of years in a nutshell i’ve had to face

- the shittiness of covid and the impact it had on my life during and after uni

- releasing myself from the chains of religion

- thus dealing with religious trauma

- to then finding myself again and discovering my sexuality properly

- having my first relationship and losing my first relationship

- my self-esteem issues

- physical abuse from another dumbass boy (not my relationship)

- generally being an adult in sheffield

theres probably more to this list but its a general rundown so far. the beginning of 2022 was also really difficult in particular, as this was when i had my breakup as well as moved house, turned 25, faced performance issues with my job and was just generally anxious all the time

to be fair, im still anxious to this day and i’m always fretting about where my life is going. but i seem to be managing it much better than usual

and within this latter half of 2022, i seem to be doing really well and have been living more carefree about things!

first, the break up. it was obviously really hard at that time, and sometimes to this day i do still find myself thinking about alex. it really is a shame that we had to break up for the reasons we did, alas it was necessary. the first 2 or 3 months were extremely difficult, there was always this inner turmoil of wondering whether i had made the right decision. but i know now that i did, and time is a healer. now im fine with it all and wish him all the best of course. i have realised that there will always be a part of me that does love him, i dont know why that is, but its there, i acknowledge it and thats just that and that’s fine! it does make me sad that we don’t talk anymore, but if he is safe and well then so am i :)

the few months after this have just consisted of getting into dating again but also just generally exploring my sexuality! and within that i have been having a pretty good amount of sex. a bit tmi but i had my first threesome(s) this year. they both happened in the same week, both unplanned, and with different people! it was pretty wild but i enjoyed it and it’s definitely something i would do again

these days i am feeling much more comfortable in just being gay and acknowledging it. i went to my first prides this year <3 chesterfield, leeds, and then manchester. had sooooo much fun with them each time and it really made me feel proud about who i am. i know not to be ashamed of this

i went to amsterdam for a weekend in september with kiran and kajal which was so much fun, and i’ve now just spent the past couple weeks in london seeing lots of friends and family. it’s been a really great month! (i’m currently writing this entry on the train as i head back to sheffield now) 

now i’m just at a stage in my life where i need to work out what i want to do and where i want to go. i have a lot to think about.

when i was in london, my massi said i can essentially move in with them once they have finished doing up their house if i find a job down here. could london be the next step in my life?

i’m approaching 25 now and i really want to just have some more direction and feel settled in life. london in particular is probably the best place to be for opportunity. even seeing veena down there, she sent me a job recommendation for where she works and would put in a referral for me if i decide to apply for it. and i’m like why not!

as much as i love sheffield with all my heart, i’m starting to get a little tired of it now and would like something new. i came with the intention of just getting away from home so i had the space to think about where my life is going. and now i’ve had that space and clarity and i have an idea of what i want to do in life now. i know it’s tech.

furthermore, london would be so good for music too. so there really is a lot to think about. i would dearly miss my friends in sheffield, the connections i have there, my best friend sam, my little gay group i have. but otherwise, there isn’t really anything holding me back there. i’m not tied to anyone there in a relationship, and my job there at the HO is boring and something i dont really want. [i am now being promoted tho so thats fun woo]

task: check out that job posting that veena sent and similar 

i also really want to start working on my fitness and health again. i need to get back into it properly, it is important. i want to drink less and start waking up early again and look after myself.

also, i really need to get off my phone and do more things. learn more, go outside, read a book

now that the winter is approaching, it is adamant i stick to this rather than consistent mindless scrolling on tiktok or wherever. i need to look after myself again, meditation is key too.

i need to get back on my learning and development too. if i want to get into tech then i have to put in the work.

also, doing this will greatly benefit my mental health, thus ensuring i am happy, content, and the best me i can be for myself and for other people. i’m tired of having days where i just feel a bit crap. i know they are normal, but lately i am feeling generally better and hopefully this will continue to be on the up.

i also need to learn to transform any space i am in so i can just learn to be content. rather than having my set place, i wanna learn to be content and continue doing what i do at all times.

with regards to my mental health, i’m hoping these ashwagandha supplements i have ordered start to take effect in order for me to feel more focussed and less anxious

tasks:

- start waking up early

- turn off your phone. just literally turn it off and don’t think about it

- start running again and working out. just do it as and when you can. even a 10min run is better than doing nothing. this same logic applies to anything, 10min of studying is better than nothing

- do some proper, consistent, thorough research on where things are going to go and for where you want to go in life. do this alongside your studying and keep dreaming

- make a physical vision board that you can refer to at any time. you certainly have the space for it

enjoy your life, rest, and go easy on yourself. you’re doing amazing sweetie. and go easy on your self-esteem too. someone will love you for exactly who you are. someone has before, and someone will again. you’ll find that person you can just vibe with.

love yourself

[suddenrundown]

i think the hurricane job exists just to spite me, specifically

[nonbinaryaubrey]

Also, because I genuinely want to hear more about it, what's the Revived Mari AU? You've talked about it before and it seems very interesting, but I don't think you've given a proper summary before. I mean, I talked to you about my AUs for days in your ask box, that makes it fair game for you to talk about AUs to me. -🎀

OKAYYYY.. revived mari revived mari. i dont know entireellyyy?? how to summarize it <- theres a lot going on and also i tend to be a bit indecisive so i kinda change things around sometimes. i can answer any other questions you have thoo!!

anyways uhh. basic plot rundown. forgive me for poor wording i kinda struggle to explain this stuff </3. After Mari's death and her being a ghost for a short while, she ends up inside Sunny's headspace, taking the form of headspace Mari.. For awhile being there is actually,, very nice for her. Of course it would be to her, especially at this point.. Its a world where shes alive. Where she still has her friends. Where she feels... a lot less angry and upset. She isnt sure how to feel about.. her brother here. Omori.. silent and near emotionless. It doesn't feel right but when shes here she cant exactly figure out why. But she can easily disregard it for now. This place is nice and shes happy here.!

But,, then headspace resets. She doesnt exactly,, remember it. or what happened before it but. she can kind of tell something is wrong. things feel like theyre repeating. it feels off and. she wants to leave. and she does,,, but. not for long. shes quickly drawn back to headspace.. (<- made up ghost lore stuff. ghosts easily get attached to certain things, such as buildings, people, etc. they can go away from these technically but will always end up being drawn back). Mari cannot leave Headspace pretty much,, even less so the longer she stays there. Things quickly go down hill from there. which is explained in this post but tldr: with each Headspace reset Mari loses a piece of herself and her memories in the process.

Things continue like this for the next 4 years up until Sunny begins going outside again. I think him doing that and him repressing some of his memories a bit less also helps Mari regain some of her memories too. which allows the scene at the dreamworld ocean and the scene at her piano to happen.. though when she really gets all her memories back is first when the black light bulb gets broken and Sunny goes through the truth sequence + when Sunny goes through Memory Lane... She performs the Final Duet with him and watches him leave Whitespace behind before her vision and consciousness fade away. She is happy and shes ready to pass on.

Thats until... she wakes up some time later (a couplee months id say? maybe during christmas break.), in the middle of the night and shes seemingly broken out of her own coffin. Its the most alive she's felt in years, its feels nothing like Headspace. But she feels as if this has to be a dream, another version of Headspace perhaps? One thats more like the real world Faraway town now. But either way she.. kind of has no idea what to do with herself, she no longer has a script to follow like she did in Headspace. Which I imagine is,, quite the sudden change after 4 years. She ends up just kind of wandering for a bit after leaving out the church, eventually finding herself at the old hangout spot (and.. accidentally scaring off Angel and The Maverick, who had decided to sneak out there. idk to be rebellious or what ever <- kind of a joke idea i came up with ig) She sits down at the abandoned picnic blanket and falls asleep there. <- thats kiinda where she hangs out for a little bit. Up until a small black cat runs in and quickly goes over to her, its purple collar having the name Mewo on it, soon followed by 2 younger boys, Sunny and Basil. She immediately stops at the sight of them, and they do the same. The 3 of them are all kind of stunned, but Basil and Sunny almost immediately run off as soon as Mari opens her mouth to say something.

^ ^ thiiiis is kind of where the stuff i have becomes very non-linear. i still have ideas and stuff but theyre more broken apart and inconsistent. but this is most of like the main plot/lore stuff thats important

I HOPE THIS ALL MAKES SENSEE!! heres a little mari for u if u read this all <33

[cicerobussytransplant]

OKAY DONE WITH THE BOOK, god bless.

idk final thoughts abt babel is that its readable, but it will concuss you into oblivion by repeating its points so, so many times.

its not even that those points are not fair, but just that i wish by the middle point onwards kuang could have assumed them as to have been received an internalised (bc frankly, if they didnt by then, they never would) and went deeper into the topic. it reads like baby's first foray into social change for somebody has just been weened off ya's understanding of revolution.

the characters are all flat bc they are conceived as very strict idols to showcase the ideology (ie. Letty is the racist white woman; Ramy is the one who constantly had to go 'letty thats racist' and was murdered by the aforementioned white woman; Robin has to kill himself in proper rf kuang protagonist fashion as the revolutionary who cannot go on; Victoire is not developed as she should). the pacing is tremendous bc there are so many conversations whose points are repeated across the book bc god forbid assuming your readers have some basic literacy. in general, the characters other than the mc only reach some form of actualisation in the brief interlude where you are treated with a quick rundown of their backstory and personal motivation; before then they just existed ig. which is so? this is a 600 pages book i would hope smth as basic as MOTIVATION did not need to go in an interlude, but whatever ig

the ending is that by destroying silver they prevented the first opium war. but tbh? i think it would have been better achieved in a historical that then deviated from the normal course of history. bc what better way imho to show that history is not immutable and neither is empire. as is, silver is gone but the worldbuilding abt this alternative britain is so light that i cannot conceptualise it being gone bc tbh I cant even think of it existing, so history is altered bc we are told its altered and godbless goodbye.

[topsytervy]

Wisdom Teeth ~ JJ Maybank

Blurb: JJ takes care of you after you get your wisdom teeth out. Not gonna lie, this post is kind of a mess

Word Count: 1,890

Warnings: mentions of blood, swearing, small mention of alcohol/drinking, I think that’s it.

I’m just going to say that this is based off of my wisdom teeth experience. I didn’t get gassed or put under, my moms friend suggested me holding alcohol in my mouth cause she did that when she got hers out and it worked for her (it worked for me enough to let me sleep like the dead, and my mom kept laughing at me.

I aged JJ and the reader to 19 cause why not.

I also lowkey started thinking of JJ taking care of his kids after their wisdom teeth get pulled and thats shows in the ending. 

anyway, small shoutout to @taylathornton who got me thinking about this after she said something about JJ or Rafe taking care of the reader when they get their wisdom teeth out.

~~~~

You walked out into the waiting room, gauze on either side of your mouth, your boyfriend standing by the counter as someone gave him the same rundown they gave you post-extraction. 

JJ smiled as he saw you, not that you could see with the mask over the bottom half of his face, and pulled you into his side.

"Just remember that if you still feel pain while taking the prescription he gave you today, call back and he'll prescribe you something stronger." the lady said. 

You nodded as you shoved the sheet filled with the instructions, prescriptions, and the extra gauze they gave you into JJ's hands. JJ said a quick thank you to the lady and then directed you to the door, every penny being covered by your insurance.

Thank God.

"How do you feel, princess?" He asked, intertwining your fingers together.

"You didn't tell me the extraction was such a violent process." You told him.

Well, attempted to tell him but the gauze in your mouth wasn't helping. The mask definitely added to muffling your voice.

JJ chuckled. "What?" He asked, unlocking the truck.

"You didn't tell me the extraction was such a violent process." You said slower, louder, and slightly more enunciated. 

JJ helped you into the truck. "Didn't want to scare you, Y/N/N."

"I can do it myself. I wasn’t gassed or anything. Just numbed." You swatted his hand away as he went to buckle you in.

He held up his hands. "Alright. I'm sorry." 

"Besides the lady said that I was surprisingly calm during the process." You informed him as you took off your mask.

"That's good." He closed the door and walked over to the driver’s side, climbing in as he also took off his mask. "Since you were so good during the process, how about you remind me in a week to take you to Dairy Queen and we'll get you some ice cream." He suggested, leaning over the center console and brushing some hair out of your face.

"Can I get chicken tenders too?" You asked, looking at your blonde boyfriend with the best puppy dog eyes you could muster.

JJ let out a laugh as he started the truck and began to pull out of the parking lot. "Yeah. You can get chicken tenders too, princess."

You smiled, reaching into your mouth to readjust the blood-soaked gauze only to have JJ swat your hand away. "Don't."

"But I feel like I’m swallowing the gauze every time I go to swallow my saliva." You whined.

JJ sighed. "That’s because the roof of your mouth is swollen so it makes it difficult to swallow the saliva. Just leave the gauze where it is."

You shot JJ a look before bringing your hand to your mouth again. JJ reached over and grabbed your wrist his eyes never leaving the road.

"Y/N." He warned.

"JJ." You imitated.

"I said don't touch it." 

You took your wrist away from him and crossed your arms, looking out the window. 

"Keep that up and you won’t get dairy queen next week. I'll get myself dairy queen and you can keep eating soup and mashed potatoes." 

"You're so mean to me sometimes, J." You whispered.

"Only cause I love you and care about you, baby." He smiled, his hand going to your thigh and giving it a light squeeze. 

You uncrossed your arms and took his hand in yours. "You're so sweet."

JJ shook his head. "Flip-floppy today, huh. 3 seconds ago I was mean and now I'm sweet."

You shrugged. "You're a flip-floppy guy. You threw me off the dock once when it was chilly outside and then gave me clothes to change into not even three minutes later."

"That's called being a gentleman." He smirked. 

"No. It's called being an asshole with a heart." 

JJ snorted as he pulled into the pharmacy parking lot, pulling into a parking space before throwing the truck in park and grabbed his wallet along with your prescriptions.

"Stay here. I’ll be back." He kissed your temple before putting his mask back on, adjusting it so it was over his nose.

You shot him a thumbs-up as you pulled out your phone, taking the time to reply to Kie and Sarah who wanted to check in on you. They both offered to come over and take care of you but you told them you were fine cause you had JJ with you.

Kie immediately replied with a 'that's why we're offering.'

You let out a small giggle before sending them an 'I'm sure JJ can handle it' before locking your phone and pulling down the sun visor to look in the mirror. 

You opened your mouth and made a face as you looked at the inside of your mouth and saw the dried blood on your lips.

JJ opened the door and slid back into the driver’s seat, placing the bag with the two pill bottles in your lap. "You know, technically you’re supposed to keep pressure on the gauze for an hour so it clot and shit."

"You didn't tell me the inside of my mouth looks like it’s having its own little period. I smiled at you with my mouth looking like I took a baseball or something to the teeth." You scolded.

"Princess, and I mean this with all the love in my heart, you look like a hockey player who took a puck to the teeth." JJ laughed as he put the car in drive and made his way to the grocery store.

"JJ," you whined, not finding his comparison cute in the slightest.

"What? It's more accurate than the baseball comparison you said." 

"Stop laughing at me, J. It's not funny." 

"I'm sorry. You're just so whiney right now and it's adorable to me. Makes me want to bundle you up and hold you in my arms and protect you from all the evil in the world." JJ glanced at you. You crossed your arms over your chest and looked out the window. “Y/N, don’t be like this now.”

“You’re being mean to me.” 

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. I’m over here bleeding, preparing for the numbness to wear off and the pain to set in and you’re laughing at me.”

JJ grabbed your hand and pressed it to his lips. “I’m sorry, baby. Can you accept me buying you soup as my way of asking for your forgiveness?”

He stopped at a stop sign and looked over at you, giving you his best puppy dog eyes.

You sighed. "I suppose."

He grinned as he squeezed your hand lightly. “See, you can’t stay mad at me forever, Y/N/N.”

You rolled your eyes before leaning your head against the headrest. “It’s because I need you to take care of me while I’m healing.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm. As much as I love Kie and Sarah, I don’t think their cuddles can compare to yours.”

JJ nodded. “Fair enough. That’s all you need me for? Cuddles?” 

You shrugged. “We’ll see.”

****

Within two hours, you were tearing up as the numbness wore off, the pain coming in at full force. You laid on the couch in the living room of the apartment you and JJ shared, a blanket thrown over your body.

JJ walked over with a glass of water and the pills you were prescribed. “Alright, here’s your amoxicillin, and here’s your ibuprofen.” He handed you the pills as you sat up.

You popped the two pills into your mouth, taking the glass of water from your boyfriend’s hand before taking a sip and swallowing the pills. JJ took the glass from you and set it on the end table as you sniffed.

“You know what might help?” JJ asked, walking over to one of the cabinets and opening it. 

“What?”

“I know you’re not a big drinker, Y/N, but I remember Mr. Heyward telling me when I got my wisdom teeth out that, if you take vodka, whiskey, tequila, whatever, and kind of hold it in your mouth, tilting your head left and right, it’ll help with the pain. It almost renumbs it and because it’s alcohol, it also helps fight infections.” JJ explained, grabbing the bottle of vodka he had stashed away.

He grabbed a shot glass and filled it up before bringing it over to you. 

“JJ, baby, I don’t think I should be having alcohol after taking a 600 mg ibuprofen and a 500 mg amoxicillin. Besides, I’m pretty sure that’s what the amoxicillin is for anyway.” 

JJ sighed. “I know, princess, but I’m trying to help you out here. It hurts me to see you hurting.”

“And just two hours ago you were saying it was cute when I’m all whiney.” You joked.

“You are cute when you’re whiney and not in pain. Now you’re just in pain and I don’t like it.” 

You looked at JJ with a frown. “How about we just cuddle for the rest of the day? Maybe take a nap because I’m all tuckered out.” 

JJ smiled lightly, downing the shot of vodka before heading over to you and picking you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist as your arms snaked around his neck, him holding you up by your thighs. He carried you into your bedroom, taking one of his hands and pulling back the blankets before gently setting you down and tucking you in. 

He climbed in on his side, gently pulling you into his side, putting a pillow on top of his upper arm so you weren’t resting on his arm, knowing that it wouldn’t help the pain at all.

“Comfortable, princess?” He asked.

You hummed in response, your arm draping across his stomach. 

He kissed the top of your head, brushing your hair away from your face. 

“I’m sorry in advance if I drool on you. I’m even more sorry if it’s bloody drool.” You muttered.

“It’s alright. You can drool on me whenever you want, bloody or not.”

You smiled. “And Kie and Sarah were worried about you taking care of me.”

JJ scoffed. “I always take care of you so Kie and Sarah can shove a sock in it.”

You giggled. “It’s okay, baby. I defended you and your ability to take care of me.”

“I would hope so. After all, I’m buying you Dairy Queen next week. I don’t buy Dairy Queen for anybody, you know.”

“I know.” You sighed.

It was quiet for a few minutes and you were almost asleep before JJ spoke again.

“You gotta eat your soup and mashed potatoes though or else you don’t get chicken tenders next week.”

You let out a laugh. “Oh my god, JJ. You sound like my dad when I had to go get shots.”

“That just means I’m prepared for when we have kids. The whole bribery part of parenting, in the bag.” JJ stated with a nod.

You nodded. “Alright, baby. I can’t wait to tell our kids how you knew you were ready to be a father because you told me a week after my wisdom teeth were removed, you were going to buy me chicken tenders and ice cream.”

JJ smiled. “And I can’t wait to be saying the same thing to them when they get their wisdom teeth out.”

~~~~~~

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

ML Lies Episode Predictions:

There’s Two?? (don’t trust my math) more days before lies completely destroys me, so I’m going to make some predictions, and by predictions I mean wishlist. My walls are already up, so if none of these happen I won’t be disappointed, but also a girl can dream: (this is somehow 1700 entire words long because I have a lot of feelings, so it’s under a cut, you’re welcome)

—Adrien and Kagami’s are secretly dating: please I want it so bad, I’ve talked about this so much and emotionally I need it!! At the very least I want them to sneak out together so so bad I’d cry. But also, if they’re hiding it from their other friends for whatever reason, thats SUCH good angst potential.

—If we get to see some kinda montage of them sneaking out??? Id ride that high for months. Even just one actual example of them working together to sneak out would obliterate me. Like, how it shows Kagami sneaking out to go to the game in Ikari Gozen?? I’d cry

—The breakup happens as a direct result of it being a secret relationship: this would be SUCH a good parallel to lukanette. Lukanette broke up because Luka wanted Marinette to be more open with him and he hated being in the dark, so just, the parallels if Adrien wants to be more open about adrimi and Kagami is like “you dont understand, if your dad finds out about us he will end this immediately” but Adrien wants to believe that its going to be okay and no one will react badly? I’m probably explaining this badly and I’ll try to explain it better later I just,,, want parallels and opposites and truth v lies and hhhhh

—Fencing??? Friendly/ affectionate competition??? Them being idiot jocks in love??? Please??? I want to see them compete!!

—I’d love to see Kagami character growth + Adrimi relationship development!!! I want her to love herself more and be more comfortable around him!!!

—Specifically, if there was a parallel to Riposte,, and Adrien beat Kagami in a fencing match and Kagami was like “Oh nice!! :D good game!” I’d be so happy I’d cry!! And it’s kinda implied by Chat Blanc that they’re already there in there relationship?? But not confirmed?? So if I saw it or saw confirmation of it I’d cry!!

—in one of the released photos it looked like they were holding hands??? And at this point my expectations are so low I don’t even trust it yet but blease,,, let them hold hands,, i’d cry of joy

—If Adrien is also constantly leaving and disappearing due to akuma responsibilities, I want it to read SUPER differently from the Lukanette because I love parallels/foils!! Marinette disappears on her dates with Luka and its just “oh marinette is really distracted and busy and frazzled” but I dont think Adrimi but be loke that at all!!! Because as far as Kagami knows, she has the same backstory/current story as Adrien. She’s risking a lot by sneaking out to go on dates with him?? So Adrien seeing an akuma and being like “oh sorry father is calling” isnt even suspicious or anything??? Its 100% believable!!! If her mother called she’d immediately be like “oh fricking heck i Need To Leave this instant immediately.” So its less “Adrien doesnt care about her” and more of just twisting the knife and reminding her that life doesnt want them to be together and Adrien is never going to be free!!! Big ouch to her heart!!!

—also I want!!!! Them!!! To talk about their feelings!!! Because parallels to truth!!! Adrien is like “sorry I have to go” and Kagami is like “oh I hate that so much” and Adrien is like “big same.” (Also idk how realistic this is but I’d love it if ‘Kagami talking about her feelings’ wasn’t the cause of strife in their relationship!! Like, she talks about how she feels and when she’s upset and Adrien is like “yeah me too” and they’re just,, good bros)

—I need them to stay friends after the breakup, i need it i need it i need it!!! And the whole issue is!! I feel like the main reason they’d date is to try and hang out more?!?? So if the breakup was actually them talking to each other and being like “hey so this isnt working with sneaking out, we’re going to need to go back to the way it was before,” rather than them saying they were bad for each other???? Hoo boy i’d lose my mind

—Also!!! My favorite prediction, I’d die of joy if this happened (and also of angst). I want there to be so much drama with “secret relatinship” stuff that they try to fix it by going public with their relationship!! Very low chance of this actually happening but its okay if it doesnt, thats what the fanfiction I’m inevitably going to write immediately after watching the episode is for!!! But anyway,, multiple ways this could happen.

Maybe they’ve been secretly dating since Miracle Queen and they decide to go public at the beginning of this episode and that’s the primary source of plot/conflcit!!! I’d be thrilled!!!

BUT!!! if the episode ends with then Not Breaking Up, but instead deciding to go from dating secretly to dating publicly???? Holy Freaking Heck,,, I’d go feral with emotion!!!! I also need to expand on this so much more but basic rundown of how I imagine it could happen (again: Is it likely?? Probably not! but this is my last chance to dream):

Kagami is like “listen we have the same backstory and I KNOW in my soul that this relationship wouldn’t work if it was public”

Adrien is like “okay yeah I feel you, thats fair”

Kagami goes on dates with Adrien and its fun and nice and lovely and the honeymoon phase is so good and exciting

Adrien starts disappearing a lot, partly because of akuma attacks, but partly because of nathalie and gabe calling him constantly

Adrien starts to be like “well actually i think that my dad does care about me probably? And if he knew why I wanted to go he’d let me! Or at least Nathalie would because clearly she cares about me!”

Kagami is like “hhhnngg have you met them?? You think they’d want you to be happy and free??” Except she can’t just SAY that because if she did then she’d be crushing Adrien’s entire heart and possibly also making him get really defensive and he has to come to the conclusion that his parents are good on his own

Kagami also starts to get frustrated with how much more often Adrien has to leave than she does?? And its because of akuma attacks but she doesnt know that and he cant tell her

Adrien starts to get frustrated because he can take the “having to leave for akuma attacks” part but when he finally finishes an akuma battle and Natalie immediately calls him it is just aaaaaAAAAAAAA and he just wants to believe so badly that he could at least take control of that part??? He could at least get Nathalie to help him out??? Probably maybe right???

Because we all know he HATES having to keep secrets from Ladybug, but he’ll do it for her, and he’ll keep his life as Chat a secret, but Kagami??? He should at least be able to talk about that, right?? He’s not doing anything bad/dangerous/etc

Also there could very well be some angst with Adrien being so so worried about Nathalie because she’s bedridden and his dad is being sketchy and he’s SEEN this before and he doesn’t want to be avoiding Natalie or lying to her because what if he loses her too??? He’d feel so guilty! And he needs the support of a parent figure so much,,, so he HAS to tell her the truth

But he respects Kagami’s wishes and he’s not going to betray her trust

But unlike Lukanette, they DO talk about their feelings and they disagree and stuff, and even if he’s trying not to be confrontational, Kagami is like “i can tell youre uncomfortable about something, please just tell me what it is” so he tells her that he disagrees

Kagami gets akumatized?? idk if it’s even been confirmed that she’s the akuma “Lies” but I’d assume she is because parallels to Lukanette

Maybe it happens as a direct result of some moment where Kagami and Adrien are arguing and in the heat of the moment he says something hurtful??

Maybe they’re arguing and then Adrien has to leave before it can resolve and Kagami is mad about it even though shes trying not to be and she gets akumatized???

Maybe she does say something like “bc your dad sucks and nathalie sucks!” and he yells or something (i want to see Adrien yell and be flawed let me live, and this is one of the most likely scenerios for it to happen bc it would HURT for him)

Maybe Kagami shoots back with anger, maybe Adrien’s been calm but Kagami gets mean for a moment, but regardless, Kagami says something about her true feelings of anger at nathalie/gabe/ etc and before Adrien can respond he’s like “oh shoot sorry I need to get home NOW”

Then for one brief second Kagami’s TERRIFIED that he’s going to tell nathalie about this in his anger and then nathalie’s going to be like “oh kagami is clearly bad for you because she made u this upset” and Adrien will LISTEN because hes stupid and he still listens to his horrible adult figures and Kagami is so mad about the entire situation so then in her moment of weakness she gets akumatized

Look at that its a direct opposite of Lukanette because Luka was afraid of Marinette keeping secrets about why she’s always vanishing because he doesnt know and Kagami is afraid of Adrien telling secrets about why HEs always vanishing bc she thinks she does know,,

But anyway, after she gets de-akumatized, she’s so ashamed of it and she can see how far she took it and how many people it hurt,, and Adrien is really sad and apologetic and trying to support her,, and she’s like “no clearly I was actually wrong, keeping this a secret is hurting you and its hurting me and now its hurting random civilians”

So she tells Adrien that they should tell people about it and stop dating in secret

And then multiple possible ending:

Does he say “actually no, youre right, they wouldnt let this happen, so if we cant date in public and dating in secret is hurting us then we shouldnt date at all” and thats how the breakup goes??? That would literally obliterate me

Does the episode end on a false positive where Adrien hasnt told them yet and he is like “yeah this is gonna be great” and there isnt an actual breakup yet?? Because that would also kill me (even though i doubt theyre going to let adrimi take up that much time in the show but, let me dream)

Also if Adrien is like “we shouldnt tell my parents but we should tell someone” and then they tell Marinette and now shes got ANOTHER secret to keep and aaaaaaaAAAAA?? Id die on the spot

I’m still holding out hope that the episode will give me enough crumbs to at least be able to write this better, but regardless of what happens in the episode,,, the chances of me eventually writing fanfiction exploring this are SO HIGH, I’ve been thinking about this for ages

In conclusion:

—no matter what happens in lies, its going to destroy me

—please let them be in a secret relationship it makes so much sense for their characters and for the drama and aaaaAAAAA

—also please give me the parallels to lukanette where their issues are exactly the opposite and it still falls apart

Thank you for your time, I’ll be excitedly vibrating at the speed of sound for the next two days until we get answers!! Depending on how the episode goes, I’ll either be writing so much adrimi fluff to recover,, so much adrimi angst to vent,, or I’ll be staring at the ceiling screaming for a few days as I post nothing but keysmashes and try to sort through my emotions :)

[ask-mortarion-the-death-lord]

some continuation i guess

this time with the emperor

we get the basic rundown, born to human parents, massively gifted, immortal, hidden among humanity and all that. It’s here where his motivation to shepherd humanities psychic awakening is really first brought up [something thats given overall more prominence in the book as well]. a much more interesting note however

now, this probably seems inconspicuous enough at first glance. Indeed even in modern canon 40k’s imperium is first actually created over ten millennia ago. However, take into consideration this little bit earlier in the lore section that i didn’t think to much off at the time

now, taking this into consideration, the implication here is that the age of strife, something that is typically thought to end right before the unification wars in modern 40k lore, is only considered to have ended after the emperor’s internment upon the golden throne, and that further the imperium seems to only officially be a thing upon the that internment. Now this suggests some things to me, two large ones possibly being

a) the unification wars and the great crusade were more so part of the same wider war, ie that the wars ‘only the emperor remembers’ were a large conflict between various warlords to determine who got the rightful rulership of the crumbling pre age of strife human civilization. or

b) the emperor started the age of strife in order to dominate humanity to control and shepherd the psychic awakening he saw humanity stumbling into.

take your pick i guess. food for thought and all that. also

in my earlier post i jumped the gun, the 1st edition emperor is still a punk who needs human souls to survive. Though in this case its not some vague need to bind his soul to the chair or anything, no, its just that he apparently cant eat or drink anything else and hes really god damn hungry and thirsty all the time. Which is hilarious and i almost feel is just a better explanation in general.

to be fair he does look like this 10 millenia later

makes sense he would need to eat unconventionally.

as well, as opposed to specifying 1000 psyker souls a day it just mentions a vague ‘hundreds dying every day’ which is still a lot but also likely less then modern emps eats everyday.

some explanation/emperor wank on why the emperor needs to be fed everyday. not much to say, just that i feel like the implications here atleast lean a bit more towards the emperor being pitiable in his own right as someone so dedicated to this vague future ideal of humanity that hes forsaken most of his own physically and mentally. 

apparently humanity underwent no genetic changes over 38,000 years that werent the direct result of mutation from environmental hazards.

@ lordsofmedrengard  early dark angels lore, here we can see where they got stuck with the moniker of “first legion” from in 30k modern lore, and its cause here in the first 40k book they’re noted as being ‘honored as the first marine chapter’. Guess it was something they felt needed to carry over... I like the copious more amounts of wine in the old dark angels chapter, and they seem a lot more aristocratic here then in modern 40k. Which makes an interesting contrast compared to the barbarian stocks of soldiers mentioned earlier in the book as being preferred for “legiones astartes”

we get some rundowns on the branches of the adeptus terra next, not much particularly new to note outside of them all being part of this larger governmental priesthood. some highlights though

the old school custodes uniforms are in fact the traditional uniform of the custodes in 1st edition. 

custodes wielded ‘lasers built to resemble the traditional and symbolic guardian spear’ whatever the fuck that means

tech priests and the adeptus mechanicus were monastic monks who primarily lived on earth and didn’t stick metal parts into and all over their bodies. they were consequently much more boring as the echlissiarchies IT department.

arbites basically doubled in the sisters of battle’s role as the militant branch of the state religion.

arbites fashion choices and the arbites acting in a similar manner of chaplains as well really.

the more voluntary nature of the astronomican in the first edition, the trainees learn how to safely let the battery drain them but it still seems to be a demanding job with a high fatality rate

they also share monastic tendencies and a uniform with the mechanicus, though theres is a fashionable blue.

included the entire bit on the administratum cause honestly, i find it incredibly fascinating. The parallels are certainly there between modern and 1st edition administratum, but i feel how its presented here just has more teeth and intrest to it. That is to say, its not just the ‘oh what fate, administration has become even more horrid, tedious and soul draining in this grim dark future, woe be us!’ that tends to get tossed around when mocking administration. Instead its a literal organization of religious monks dedicated to tax filings, school administration, rezoning and what have you. Blessed be the regulations and all that. Is there small cults dedicated to paper clip gods? what holy rites are involved when faxing documents compared to when faxing fourms? This is shit i want to know more about.

all adeptus terra adepts carry a knife and are likely legally allowed to shiv you here as well incidentally. 

the inquisitors are mostly the same, though with no mention of chaos whatsoever. less sub divisions from the looks of it too. this bit did catch my attention though.

psychic powers seemed to be a hell of a lot more common among inquisitors back then as well.

quirky inquisitors, who’d have thunk it. [its not that surprising, i just like that they took the time to mention it is all]

don’t know wtf is going on here though, especially as to whats going on with dudes armour on the left. looks like a knight crossed with an oven.

we get the usual spiel of psyker background, but then we get some interesting differences in opinions here on psykers compared to modern 40k imperium. How justified or not it is, is up to you but its definitely a shift in tone i would say.

possibly the proto servitor narrative wise? As said, 1st edition 40k readily uses robots, so servitors would be unnecessary. technomats on the other hand fall between that as menials who likely operate these things but dont full on replace them like servitors eventually will.

astropaths are basically the same, though the 90% statistic im not sure if it holds over to modern 40k. im thinkin likely but i could be wrong.

navigators outside of not ubiquitously having the third eye mutation also seem to have much more personal freedom and respect in imperial society in 1st edition. probably pretty comfy to be a navigator back then really. Aside from that, navigator families are still a thing.

space marine time!

well we get the same ‘feral world recruits as warrior god soldiers’ sortta stuff, it is mentioned and stressed that hive world criminals apparently make better stock in terms of raw aggression. Entire gangs will even be rounded up for the purpose of making new space marines.

the early process to create a space marine. no special organs, but bio-chem and the black [plastic?] carapace were there from the start, and hypno indoctrination is alluded to. Apparently this is still barely controlled chaos though. [and on a personal note, nothing that indicates it was male exclusive either, outside of general attitudes of the 1980′s]

early organization graph of a space marine chapter.

chapter markings and armour

AND THE POSSIBLITY OF SPACE MARINE BAGPIPES, WHERE ARE THEY GW WHERES MY SPACE MARINE BAGPIPERS!

iron hands apparently only had the one iron hand?

list of chapter symbols with names and colours, these keep appearing in the book. seems i was wrong on only the imperial fist symbol, its actually the crimson fists chapter symbol so thats 3 of the modern big 9 that didn’t exist back then.

we get a break down on the typical structure of a fortress monastery for space marines next, using the space wolves funnily enough who were far more normal as it were in 1st edition [and also their home world was lucan isntead]. and its got a lot, and well its all fairly interesting ill just shotgun blast some highlights

that the space wolves had an entire fuckin ship hanging in their great hall i find endlessly amusing, so thats why its there. the rest are interesting in terms of the domestic situation of space marines.

[fivefeetfear]

Chapter 4

.............................

(Y/N) spent about an hour showing Spinel around the small town, giving the pink gem a rundown of the tiny metropolis. At some point Spinel stopped processing the words the short girl was saying since her brain seems to be on the fritz as alarms went off in her head. Because at this very moment (Y/N) was holding her hand. She was holding (Y/N) hand. They are holding hands! This was all she could think about for the last hour; they're laced fingers locked together. It felt nice. However, as a means of distraction from the hand holding, the pink gem began to pay attention to (Y/N) facial expressions. The taller gem admiring every smile line whenever she smiled, or the way her eyebrows knitted together or the way her cute nose scrunches up! This isn’t helping. Spinel averts her eyes when the (Y/G) would glance up at her. She could feel her cheeks glowing pink. Shit she was almost caught staring! Little did Spinel knew, she was, a few times, and it only made (Y/N) smile as she walked closer to Spinel; their arms brushing against one another every so often.

"Ok, I think it's time for us to take a break. I'm going to take you to my favorite ice cream shop! They have the best (F/F) ever! It's so creamy and sweet, I know you'll love it." She sighs softly ready to have her favorite frozen treat.

"There it is!" The (C/G) gem calls out happily, (Y/N) picks up her pace as she tugs the pink gem along. Spinel grins to herself eagerness; she had a feeling she has to get used to the idea of her arm possibly be dislocated. And she was ok with that. The two approached a cute yellow shop with a large neon sign reading "Scoops". Before the two made it to the door, the tall gem used her stretching abilities to open the door and gestured for (Y/N) to go first.

"After you ." Spinel says softly.

"Thank you." Y/N replies as she walked into the chilly shop. The two made their way to the front, standing at the register was a short teal Opal gem, she waves at them politely as she glanced at the familiar (Y/G)

"Would you like your usual Ms. (Y/N)?" Opal asks getting ready to punch in the order.

"Yes!" the (Y/G) answers nearly rocking in place, eyes wide with childlike wonder. The teal Opal looks over at Spinel and asks her for her order too.

"I'll take a raspberry cone please." The magenta gem orders. The list was huge so she just called out the first one she could see. Food wasn’t her thing but she enjoys sweets.

"Ok, your total will be $7.45." Opal confirms with a bright smile. Spinel reached into her sweater pocket to pull out her money, Steven had given her some for the outing. The slim gem then glances over sees (Y/N) pulling out her wallet from her dress pocket. Um no? She was not about to let this cutie pay for her, not on her watch. With a heavy sigh, Spinel begrudgingly releases the short gem's hand. The pink gem stretches her arm around (Y/N) and swipes the wallet from her grasp. (E/C) eyes widen as they followed the hand as it springs back to Spinel. The pink gem tucked it away in her sweater for safekeeping.

"Spi-"

"I gotcha covered." She says coolly giving the cashier the proper amount of money.

"But you're my guest; I'm supposed to treat you." The (Y/G) explains as she pouts gazing up at the pink girl. God, she's too damn cute for her own sake. It wasn't fair on how big of an impact (Y/N) has over her already. Spinel averts her eyes away as she rubs the back of her neck.

"It's the least I could do for you for being so nice to me." Spinel informs as she gives (Y/N) a shy smile. (Y/N) chest tighten as her cheeks lit up. This was the first time she has seen Spinel smile! And it was so cute! The (E/C) eyed female could feel the gem on her neck grow warm as she memorized the wrinkles by Spinel's eyes. The short gem hums thoughtfully before taking the frozen treats.

"Fine, but next time I'm treating!" she says, playfully bumping hips with the taller gem. Spinel's left brow quirks up as her orbs followed her retreating figure. Next time? She wanted to ask what she meant by that but decided against it. Maybe when they were lone.

................................

The pair made their way across the street to a large park in the middle of Little Homeworld. They sat on a bench as they finished their frozen treats in a comfortable silence. Spinel watched as other couples wander the park enjoying the warm weather. Her eyes spotted two gems holding hands as they sat on the swing beside each other. Her eyes drifted down towards (Y/N) petite hands that rested next to hers. Feeling warm under the collar, Spinel tried to summon the courage to touch her hand, but she couldn't do it! The pink gem was in an internal war with herself as she trembled in her spot wanting to have physical connect with her again. UGHHH why was she so pathetic!

"Spinel?"

"Yes!" the pink gem shouts nervously startling (Y/N).

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean t-to shout." (Y/G) waves it off as she leans in closer into Spinel's personal space.

"Don’t worry about it, I just wanted to make sure you were having.” (Y/N) hums sweetly as she swings her short legs, her feet barely touching the ground.

"Y-yeah, I'm having f-fun, but I've b-been meaning to ask y-you something. S-something that d-doesn't make any sense." Spinel informs, her voice trailed off at the end. (Y/N) stops swinging her feet and turned her body to let Spinel know she has her full attention.

"Sure, what is it?" Spinel could feel every atom in her body shaking with fear, her chest constricting tightly with each second that goes by. Relax, she needed to....relax. The pink gem took in a deep breath holding it for ten seconds and slowly releasing it. Ok, she could do this. Spinel lifts her head higher as she shifts her magenta orbs to look directly into (E/C) eyes.

"At the ice cream parlor you said, you’ll be treating next time. What did you mean by that?” (Y/N) blinks her eyes several times as she tilts her head to the side.

“Well it means I would like to hang out without with again.” The curvy gem answers like it was obvious. Or at least she thought SHE was being obvious about her crush towards Spinel.

“See thats what I don’t get? Why do you want to hang out with me again?” Spinel quips anxiously back needing more clarity. Why would she want to be around her! Spinel knew (F/N) and everyone in Little Homeworld knew who she is! They have to know what she has done! And if she does why does she wants to be even near her!!

"Because you're nice." (Y/N) answers simply as she waited for the slender gems reaction. The (Y/G) didn’t understand why this was so important to Spinel. It seems like she wants a life altering answer on why she wants to be spend time with her but she doesn’t have one.

The dots were not connecting for the pink gem and it was beginning to irritate her. Spinel sat unmoving on the bench as she stared down at the (Y/G), her expression completely unreadable. (Y/N) began to shift her eyes around growing nervous under the magenta hues. Did she say something wrong? Before (Y/N) could speak, Spinel started chuckling to herself, it gradually got louder and it threw (Y/N) completely off guard. It was not a happy laugh either, it was a laugh empty of joy and filled to the brim with bitterness.

"W-what's so funny?" (Y/N) asks meekly. Spinel quicks her laughing then snaps her attention back to the short gem as she frowns in disdain.

"You. You're what's funny!" she responses mockingly. Ok? The short girl's eyes widen with confusions as she grips the hem of her dress in firmly completely confused what is happening. Spinel resumes her spiteful laughter as she leans forward placing her elbows on her knees. The pink gem felt like she had completely crashed and could not help the uncontrollable laughter that erupted from her form. Spinel has spent the majority of the day thinking about why a talented and beautiful gem such as (Y/N) wanted to hang around her? A gem that is twisted and completely unstable! And to hear her say it was because she thinks she is nice! What a joke! Where on earth would she get that idea from? Spinel hasn't done anything nice in her life! All she has ever been was a burden!

The self-hatred laughter died down, she then sharpens her eyes in a scowl. Her teeth gritted down as the pink gem felt the fire of distrust burn within. Was she toying with her? (Y/N) has to know who she is and what she has done, right?! Of course, she knows! She is friends with the Crystal Gems! Maybe this was a setup! Was she using some form of reverse psychology? Maybe this was all some elaborate plan to see if she is still as unhinged as the day she left.Why else would she be gaslighting her like this? Paranoia floods her mind drowning any rational thought she had left. Spinel felt her eyebrows twitch uncontrollably as she let her insecurity devour her.

"Did you hit your head or something? Or are you always this full of shit? Why would you think that? I know you heard about me and what I've done. I gave you no reason to believe I am nice. Was it because I bought you ice-cream, mmhm!? If that's your only proof then you set the standards for yourself pretty damn low! It's sad really! If that's all that it takes for you to consider ME nice to consider hanging out with me, I can’t imagine what I have to do to get between your legs." Spinel cracks with a sadistic grin.

(Y/N) eyes widen in anger as she stood up from the spot on the bench, her hand glowing a bright (F/C) as she reeled it back as far as she can and swung it forward with all her might. She refused to let anyone talk to her like that.

SLAP

Spinel head swirls around from the powerful impact as she hisses in pain. Damn, that really hurt, she knew it was going to leave a nasty bruise. The pink gem unwind her neck as she cupped her injured cheek, her eyes meeting teary (E/C) ones. (Y/N) breathed heavily in anger as her tiny hands shook with rage.

"You are such-"

"A bitch? Asshole? Monster?!" Spinel suggested with a crooked smile. The pink gem felt her figurative heartbreak knowing this was her defense mechanism trying to protect her. Protecting her from any more pain. The hatred that she harbors for herself had completely overruled Spinel's hope for any potential relationship with (Y/N). She knew she was already attached to the (Y/G), and it scared her on how quickly it happened. The magenta gem refused to let anyone have that kind of hold on her again.

(Y/N) seethed in rage as her fists glowed once more, angry tears building up in her eyes.

"To t-think you...you...fuck!" (Y/N) growls under her breath, choking on her tears. How did this happen? How did this day take a wild one eighty!? (Y/N) saw a crowd begin to form and it took everything inside her to ignore the stares.

"To think what? That I was NICE?" Spinel snaps as she reaches over and grabs (Y/N) wrist.

"Oh I'm a swell gal alright. I'm sooooo nice that I brought an injector to earth filled with Bio-Poison to kill your precious Steven! To completely wipe him out from existence right along with the planet and his friends! YOUR friends! So please tell me what it is that you?!” Spinel demands as she glared harshly at (Y/N). The furious gem began to tower over the (G/C) girl as she grabs her other wrist to yank her closer, staring directly into (E/C) hues trying to figure out what her aim is.

"ANSWER ME!" She screams into the short gem's face, panic laced within her words.

"To think you were the one that found me!" (Y/N) roars back into the Spinel's face refusing to let the pink gem intimidate her. Spinel's face contours in confusion when her words-processed in her head. Found her? What did she mean by that?

(Y/N) growls as a blinding white light consumed her form, this startled Spinel as her grasped loosen around her wrist. The (G/C) gem latched her hands onto Spinel's forearms keeping her in place.

"Let go of me!" Spinel yells frantically trying to escape the iron grip of the short gem, but no dice. The light then creeps up onto the base of Spinel's forearms and spread to the rest of her body. This kicked her into panic mode as her eyes dilated in fear, feeling her skin heating up.

The two then vanished into thin air.

[ectonurites]

I actually really like jayroy too but sometimes I feel iffy on their age difference even though jason isn't a minor during rhato. Do you have any thoughts on that (like going off of dick and jason's age difference roy is probably around 7 years older than jason)?

Oooh yeah i get that, I think it’s... it’s complicated because continuity stuff altered both of them a lot. But like I’m pretty sure in the current timeline the 7 years thing doesn’t really make sense? Like pre New 52 that totally lines up, but they also uhhh Are Not Actually Friends Or Teammates in the pre New 52 world, they met briefly before Jason died on a Titans mission and then one time after Jason came back to life when he gave Dick some intel during an Outsiders thing. 

In terms of the New 52 when they’ve actually interacted a lot which is usually the basis for shipping them, if we’re assuming Roy & Dick are the same age, Dick had been aged down to 21 (confirmed during the whole Spyral situation), and Jason definitely seemed to be at least 18/not a minor, so I don’t think it’s quiiiite that large (but also it’s literally impossible to tell for sure because DC really likes to avoid giving specific ages sometimes) 

Also like, Roy is one of those characters who got his entire backstory redone in Rebirth and then only really interacted with Jason once after that so it’s just 🤷‍♂️ there’s lots of shrugging because Jason is really debated on about age-wise (he currently I think has to be at least around 21 unless he was somehow younger than 9 when Bruce adopted him, as a recent comic stated he left his old rundown apartment to a friend 12 years ago when he went to live with Bruce, but that was established in Red Hood #51 which was released at the end of last year so like before that all bets are off) and then Roy’s been dead now for a bit and only just came back but i don’t think we’ve actually gotten any solid age confirmations on him aside from ‘has been seen buying alcohol seemingly legally’ like on the plane in RHATO 2016 Annual #2 (but if we still wanna use the ‘him and Dick are about the same age’ logic, Dick was confirmed to be in his mid-20s in Nightwing (2016) #43 which Roy actually also appeared in, so I think it’s fair to peg him as being also mid-twenties currently)

so yeah like, I think the age difference thing is something to keep in mind but it’s not super clear cut exactly how big it is so its ??? idk. i totally understand being uncomf with it though like i think its one of those things where since it’s pretty vague and seemingly dependent on which continuity you’re talking about, you just gotta kinda, decide for yourself how you wanna see it and if it’s something you’re okay with or not. if DC would just give us a solid list of ages at some point it’d make all this a lot easier, but thats not gonna happen LMAO so we’re all left playing detective

[kenmasgameboy]

PIPSQUEAK

a kuroo x gangmember!reader

summary;

" you like to cause a bit of trouble, pipsqueak?"

" pipsqueak? seriously?"

Life for you got turned upside down after your first year at Nekoma high. Realizing it was too dangerous, your parents sent you back to live in Miyagi and attend Karasuno with your old friends. Kuroo Tetsuro, the Police Chiefs son, comes into contact with you in the most unexpected way possible, bringing trouble wherever you both go.

—————————-

Prologue.

      High school was never that interesting to you. Though, you'll admit that it was a good way to help the days pass. You always found different games to help.

At first, games to you meant sneaking out of the house, slashing tires, almost getting arrested, going to parties. You had a bad reputation. You had been mixed up with all the wrong people before at your old school. But now you were going to turn your life around. Even if that means that now games to you would mean studying. Kind of.

         The closest you'd probably get to your new life would be getting in trouble for minor things at school. For example, falling asleep in class was a specialty of yours. Truly, an art form. Waking up to that sweet slap of a ruler against your desk was better than any alarm clock you'd ever hear. The rush in your chest, the heat to your cheeks, the sweaty palms. Incredible. But that is it. You promised your mother that this year you would be making her proud at Karasuno. You wouldn't be hanging out with those "thugs" as she liked to call them. You would keep up, maybe pay attention, and maybe make some more real friends.

       The truth was that school never felt like a real challenge to you. Sure there were plenty of difficult subjects that made you feel stupid but you always kept out of the drama, minded your business, and kept your head down. It was fine. There really was a target on your back now that you were the new girl at school though, and you had adjusted week by week meeting new people and reuniting with some old ones, too. But ultimately you decided the social system just wasn't made for you. There wasn't really a good place for you to fit in, or maybe it just wasn't comparing to the kind of family you made before.

      Today was one of those days where your motivation was at its peak, you were taking good notes. Studied for a quiz, been overly diligent. Then that sweet beautiful sound of the lunch bell rang, you pulled out your food, grabbed your skateboard, and left the classroom in a bit of a hurry. As you were leaving you started to hear a conversation:

      Dude, don't worry, I have it completely handled. Watch...

      "(Y/N)!" Narita, your classmate called for you once you exited the room and into the hallway. He stood next to Ennoshita who looked like he would explode any second. You knew Narita, him and Ennoshita were in Class 4 with you and you really didn't have that many real friends at school but you wouldn't mind calling them that. They were some of the friends you were reunited with from middle school, they were a big comfort to you when you transferred in.

      "Hey, how's it going?" You slowly walked over, trying to find your excuse to leave and take a nap without seeming impolite.

      "Great, good. Thanks, yourself?" Narita answered for him and Ennoshita. He also seemed in a hurry for some reason but was much worse at covering it up.

      "Pretty tired, but uh, for the most part—" You started but your sentence didn't last long.

      "You should come to my party! Uh— Our party. We're having a party it would probably wake you up. It's in Tokyo! I mean—" Narita came in strong.

       "Nice, buddy. You really do got this handled." Was all Ennoshita followed it up with, "Gotta go, see you guys in class."

       "A party?" You laughed a little, just because these guys were anything but the partying type. You started walking and Narita was following you like a hawk, "Don't you guys have volleyball practice or something?"

        "Yeah, of course. But not this Friday night! I mean technically we do but we'll be done at 6:30. Party can start at 7:30." Narita followed up, "All the volleyball guys will be there, too. We have a summer training camp in Tokyo starting on Monday so this is kind of the only day we can get everyone together. We already had our friends from Nekoma invite pretty much everyone they knew."

       "N-Nekoma, huh?" Your smile wavered, "That sounds like it'll be really fun for you guys. Thanks for the invite, but I don't really know anyone on your team. Plus, I can't get to Tokyo by 7:30." You said, declining as well as you could without making your answer too suspicious.

       "Well, yeah about that. Um, by 'it's in Tokyo' what I meant to say was Tokyo guys will be there. They're volleyball players, too, actually." He explained, rubbing the back of his neck and adjusting his satchel, trying his best to act cool and lean against the vending machine you were using.

       "So, it's a Volleyball mixer with you guys and a bunch of guys from Tokyo but it's not in Tokyo? Where is it, then?" You asked for the elaboration, kind of liking this dancing way to get to the point.

        "Yes, well and other schools in Miyagi, too. It's a lot of schools, I mean I'm talking Nekoma, Fukorodani, Aoba Johsai, Johzenji, Date Tech, Shiratorizawa.. maybe.. Inarizaki.. and more.. again maybe. But it's at Kinoshita's house. Which is still kinda far, but it has a pool! His family is loaded and they'll all be gone this weekend." Narita finally got to the point.

        "Sounds like it'll be a good time for you guys. I'm happy for you, sounds like you've made a lot of friends from other schools." You cheers'd your milk to him and started walking again to find a place to eat.

        "No, no. Girls will be there, too. It's kinda the whole point."

        "You really have to work on your pitch." You said plainly.

        "Please, I need your help (Y/N). I was put in charge of getting girls to come to this party." Narita begged, you couldn't help but let out a laugh at his desperation. In all your years of knowing him and being in the same classes you had never seen him talk to a single girl who wasn't in a group project or something related to it.

        "Why you?"

        "It was either me or Tanaka."

        "Oh, then definitely you are the better choice." You agreed, having known just from the previous stories he's told you. "Interesting proposition. I'll think about it."

       "You'll think about it and say yes?" He tried, "Every time I talk to a pretty girl I feel like I'm going to throw up, I can't talk to groups of girls and invite them to a party. But you're likable, more well known now since you're the new girl."

       "First of all, rude that I don't make you want to throw up. I'm pretty, sometimes."

       "Fair."

        "How about, I'll say yes if you tell me who it is you have a crush on, which girl you most want at this party then I'll help out." You offered. Narita thought for a minute as you started eating your lunch.

       "Fine." He nodded, "This is my duty to my boys." Then he leaned into your ear and whispered the name of the prettiest and smartest girl in your class: Ichika Yua. Ichika was going to be a tough sell.

       "Alright. A deals a deal. You've given me a secret and I will do what I can do. How many girls do you need, anyway? Are we going for a 1:1 ratio or..?"

       "No, these guys need a much higher chance I think. Let's try a 4:1 ratio."

       "Yeah, actually you're gonna take what you can get."

       "Yes, ma'am."

        "Now give me the rundown on your team. I don't really know any of them and I need to know for my pitches I have to do this week. And don't think because I'm doing some work means that you can slack off okay. I really only know 2nd-year girls, if you want 3rd year or 1st you have to go to them. You need to try too. Also, will there be alcohol?" You listed off your demands and were straight forward. Narita made a slow nod,

        "Oh, I almost forgot. Do you know any girls from Nekoma who could come?" He asked you the dreaded question.

        Yup, you were originally supposed to spend your high school years at Nekoma High School. When you were entering high school your dad got a job offer in Tokyo, forcing you to move out there after middle school. Then after everything happened, your Mom knew it was too risky to let you live out in Tokyo still and she shipped you back here to go to Karasuno and live in a small apartment by yourself. You have family friends who come to check on you and your parents visit when they can. It's not horrible, at least now you get to come back to streets more familiar.

      "Um, I think the girls I knew from Nekoma aren't exactly the girls you want at a party. Besides, you should just ask your volleyball brethren to ask some girls and pull their weight. Or are they too pretty for you to talk to?" You teased Narita and knocked his head.

      "Hey, girls are girls." Narita held his head from where you knocked it.

      "Sure, if thats the case then the next time you see me I better be seeing some chunks."

     You and Narita continued to eat lunch together that day. Until you realized you only had a limited amount of time left and had to use the bathroom before class so you excused yourself. You skated away around the outside of the courtyard with a bun in your mouth and around some of your other classmates, waving.

        "Dude, uh. Who was that?" A guy with an aggressive appearance walked up to Narita, having walked past a few minutes before but stayed just to gawk.

        "Huh? (Y/N)?" Narita clarified, innocently.

        "(Y/N)... wow. What a beautiful name." Tanaka sighed in simp, "Is she our year?"

        "Yeah, man. She's in my class. You never noticed her before? I'm surprised she was the talk of Karasuno guys for like the whole first week of this year." He laughed. "She is technically new to Karasuno this year. But she's from Miyagi, I've known her since grade school."

        "My babe sensor has been reserved for Kiyoko only recently. Trying to be loyal." He humphed, "You guys a thing?"

       "What? No, no." Narita laughed, "No, we've just been friends for a while. She's helping me get girls to come to the party on Friday."

       Tanaka jumped up with optimism, "Yes! This is going to be the best party of our high school lives!"

       "I hope so." Narita rubbed his neck to try and tame his nerves again.

       "(Y/N).." Tanaka sighed again, "You know who's gonna go nuts when they get a look at her, right?"

       "I know."

———————————-

next

Thank you so much for reading!! Please let me know what you think and keep reading!!

[princecupcakee]

Park Bench | Reddie

Read on AO3

Rating: E

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Word Count: 3,320

Chapter: 7/8

Past Chapters: Chapter 1 (AO3), Chapter 2 (AO3), Chapter 3 (AO3), Chapter 4 (AO3), Chapter 5 (AO3), Chapter 6 (AO3)

Next Chapters: 

Summary: Recently divorced and ‘incapable of love’, Eddie Kaspbrak moves to Los Angeles for work and a small, small hope of a fresh start. Broken up and never dated again, Richie Tozier tries to get back into love with help from his love of music. Quickly meeting eyes and one concert later, they think that maybe love isn’t that bad. So they try it one more time.

Chapter 7: Richie Tozier Waits, Richie Tozier Looks For Eddie Kaspbrak & Eddie Kaspbrak Gives A Vinyl 

Tag-list: @richietoaster​ , @s-s-georgie​ , @mikeuris​ , @gazebobullshit​ , @that-weird-girls-blog​ , @tozierking​ , @thoughtfullyyoungduck​ , @s-onora​ , @bellarosewrites​ , @lermanslogan​ , @ambitiousskychild​ , @ghostnebula​ , @vanillaredvelvet​ ,

(Ask if you wanna be on the tag-list!!)

Chapter 7

Richie Tozier Waits

Eddie was released from the hospital four days after his injury. It happened that morning, Richie couldn’t be there though. He almost fired his manager for not being able to move the meeting to later that day when he knew that Eddie was at home and healthy. (At home, Richie was really happy with the thought. Eddie at home.) It was Saturday now, and his plan was fitting into place. He held all the records in his hands, grinning. On the back of every vinyl was, ‘Eddie. I love you. Meet me at the park bench at three. -Richie.’

He grinned. He was able to learn the route Eddie takes on his way to work from Bev. Eddie wasn’t going to work that day of course, but the pharmacy he goes to was very close to his office, so he, Mike, and Bill were going to buy some pills from the doctor’s prescription. Richie was supposed to take the same train on his way to the meeting anyway, so he had just dropped the records on his way there. He tried his best to pay attention to the meeting; it didn’t work that well. How could you pay attention to a meeting when you’re about to propose to the love of your life? (Richie liked to use that; ‘love of my life’ it made his heartache in the best way possible.)

He got the rundown from Jackie when they had lunch that noon, right before he was heading back. Something about a show next week in some big, popular stage. She said she’d handle it so Richie just left it to her. He got on a train to the park after that, grabbing ice cream on his way there. He was far more than excited, but still a fair amount of fear. That was normal though, right?

It scared him a bit if he was feeling the right way. This felt so much calmer than what he had felt with Connor. Everything felt calm and sweet and right. He felt like he could finally stop holding his breath and smile without something in the back of his head telling him this is a lie. That this was a lie that you created in your head because you're so desperate. This was something that he could trust. Just being able to admit that meant more to him than anything he and Connor ever had. Eddie never lied to him, no suspicions because he’s always there. Always want to be there.

He was seated on the bench now. The ring in a box in his back pocket, turning his phone off the moment he unlocks it. It was only 2:15, he overestimated the time a bit. It would be fine though, Eddie’s early most of the time. He could keep himself busy.

The first fifteen minutes were boring. He just sat and stared and thought. He was productive, but that didn’t mean it was interesting. He plotted out a speech. He wouldn’t stand on the bench (though, he thought of it) it was going to be simple. Holding Eddie’s hands, he would thank him. All the thoughts he changed, all the things learned, the things that made him smile. Stating all of them would take them to the next day, of course, so just a few that their relationship was built on.

The next fifteen minutes were spent with a little girl who asked him what he was doing there. His answer was that he was going to propose to someone.

“Who?”

“My boyfriend.”

“Why?”

“Because I love him.”

“I love this girl. She lives across the street from me. She doesn’t like girls. I’m just waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

“For a girl who likes girls, or if she would like girls. Or me,” the child cocked her head to the side. They kept on with that until another girl came up behind her and gave her some flowers from the flower patch a few ways down the path. She had bid him goodbye and asked him if he could tell his husband she said hello.

The next fifteen minutes were spent talking to an old woman who’s husband was overseas. They hadn’t seen each other in a while but they had been talking over the phone. He had dialed the wrong number 53 years ago and they fell in love. The next few topics revolved around his love story (he never knew it was so fun to tell.) “I’m proposing to him today.”

“Thats wonderful. Be sure to take care of him and treasure him.”

“I really do.”

“Then your love is sure to live on for years. Just look at mine!” Unbeknownst to her, her husband was standing a few steps away from the park bench they were seated. The lady had bid Richie goodbye and went off with her husband.

The next fifteen minutes were spent with a middle-aged lawyer who feels as if his marriage is losing what it had before. He and his partner had been together for years as he says, it just feels as if they were drifting apart. They had gone back and forth with why he could be feeling that way, but nothing seemed to work out for him.

It was truly sad to see, you could see just how much the man loved them. Richie didn’t really think of this applying to himself, one because he wanted to help and, two, he didn’t really want to. It wouldn’t, anyway. They had talked about what could have made this happen, the man, close to tears, just shook his head. “You can always try. Be with them more, show them you love them,” Richie tried.

“How? We’ve been married for years, I don’t even know how.”

“Do something for them; what’s something they love?”

“Uh, flowers?”

“Give them a garden.”

The man thought about it intensely for a while, silently kicking a pebble. His stiffness lessened and he smiled, “I can try.”

“The effort would be enough to show it,” Richie smiles.

“Thank you,” the man smiled, off to the flower shop.

“Today is a good day for love,” Richie said to himself, watching as tiny droplets make little ripples in the water of the lake in front of him.

Richie Tozier Looks For Eddie Kaspbrak

He had waited for Eddie for three hours. The sun had set, the people were gone, the rain was so heavy to a point where it would hurt when it hit him. He stayed there though, waiting. By the time it was 6 o’clock, all of his phone calls without reply, all of his texts seen but unanswered, he was worried. He had run to his car, drenched in rain and eyes puffy from crying and heart beating faster than it ever has before from worry.

The thoughts chased him as he drove at a speed that seemed unimaginable. It probably wasn’t unimaginable, it was probably just the fact that his eyesight was horrible and the hard and heavy rain hitting his windshield didn’t make anything better.  He was dizzy, he was cold, what happened?

He should’ve left hours ago. He should’ve guessed that Eddie wouldn’t be there after only being released from the hospital. What was he thinking? Almost crashing into a tree when he turned left to the Marsh Mansion, the closest house to the park, and all the lights seemed to be spilling. He thought he might pass out. If he didn’t get someone, anyone, with him, he was probably going to die. He ran onto the brightly lit porch by the time it was 6:15, covered in what might as well just been his tears.

“Richie? What happened to you? I-“ Beverly cut her own words short. ‘he was proposing today,’ she thought, her heart aching at how pained Richie looked.

“I-I’m worried, Bev. Do you know where he is?”

“I’m- I’m so sorry Rich. I don’t know where he is. Wait here, I’ll call Ben, explain in the car okay?”

“I don’t know where he is Beverly,” he choked out loosely wrapping his arms around himself and resting his head on the door frame.

Instead of asking questions, she holds the side of his arms and goes back in to call Ben. Richie sunk down leaning almost fully onto the door frame. He can barely talk, too tired to let out an effort. It surprised him, mildly. When talking it was always so easy to let the words out, it barely hurts your throat, but when your scared, worried, anxious, tired, it takes up almost all your energy, even to just say ‘hi.’  

All three of them in the car, Ben driving, Beverly in the passengers and Richie seated in the back, his hands and legs moving around almost uncontrollably. He didn’t know if he was gonna panic, he didn’t know if he could see. Everything seemed to be spinning at such a fast pace, but he could see everything so clearly it was almost not moving. He didn’t understand and, frankly, he didn’t care to.

Maybe Eddie just didn’t leave the house. Maybe he was just asleep in his bed, his medication is there because Bill and Mike got it for him without Eddie needing to be there, and everything was fine. It was very likely that he was only making things worse in his head, and he dragged Ben and Bev, who knew nothing of what happened, into a slight panic for no reason at all. But he felt like he was going to choke, going to vomit his guts and lay limp on the ground. He felt like something was wrong, something isn’t the way its supposed to be. It was still probably just an overreaction, but fear is such a strong emotion.

By the time they had reached Richie’s apartment, his fear had subsided a fair amount. But when he opened his apartment door and all that was there was a vinyl and a letter on the table, his fear came back in a rush.

Eddie Kaspbrak Gives A Vinyl

He sat in Richie’s bed (he felt uncomfortable calling it his own) trying to compose himself.  It would be fine. The tear stains on the pillows would dry. The turtle will be fine. Anything he might’ve left would be thrown away. Everything would be as fine as it was in the beginning. But was it fine in the beginning? He was sure he wasn’t but Richie seemed to be doing good, he had his vinyl thing, he had his friends, his job, his new job, his house, his turtle. Richie would be fine without him.

But Eddie was wrapped in his selfishness, as he described it, and was scared of that exactly. That Richie would be fine without him, and that he wouldn’t be. That whatever he thought was pulling them together, was just something he made up in his head. He thought to himself that is was probably likely, he’s done it before: with his mother and his wife.

He took a deep breath, trying to push everything back inside, trying to stop the tears from falling again. This time, it worked. He picked himself back up and walked over to the living room. He just stood there for a while, feeling too guilty to even just walk around the apartment. Yet, he did. He walked over to the phonograph, something he’d wish he’d forget (or just never learned) and played whatever was on it. ‘He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes’ sung the player.

Eddie wondered what song it was, slow, deep, and the lyrics tugged at his heart. Maybe it was just his mood but something about this song felt wrong. Something about this song brought the best and the worst upon… something. That whats probably stupid, though.

The song carried him around as he listened, “Forgive me I’m trying to find, my calling, I’m calling at night. I don’t mean to be a bother but have you seen this girl?”  Eddie sat down on the sofa, pulling his legs close together and his hands on his lap, feeling too foreign, too unwelcome to take up more space than he has. The lyrics took him strongly, his heart tight and loose at the same time, feeling each beat. He drums his fingers on the sofa, following the beats, “She’s been running through my dreams. And its driving me crazy it seems. I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

He laughed. If only his story had the same plot. If Richie asked him to marry him, he would’ve definitely said yes. He would be horrified, his past would be screaming at him no but he would’ve said yes. ‘But Richie wouldn’t do that,’ he thinks. The song went on, and it seemed as if every lyric narrated something so familiar. It was a story in the form of a song, of course, it had narrated something. But that didn’t explain why it felt like the lyrics sung something he knew. He dismissed it, thinking it was probably just a fairytale from his childhood.

As the song continued to the end, he wondered if maybe it wasn’t a fairytale. Maybe his story did have the same plot. He picked up the record, put it back in its box, and picked up a pen.

~~~

Eddie took the subway. It was faster than having to go through the L.A. traffic and missing his flight, plus, he didn’t want to spend any more time in this city than he needs to. Any more time in this state, actually. Bill and Mike were staying in L.A. (maybe for good) while Eddie would be back where he belongs: in New York City. They had told him, multiple times, that he could go back. That he didn’t have to do this, but Eddie only insisted. It didn’t take long for them to drop the argument.

Eddie regrets not using the car the moment he walked over the platform gap. There, right in front of him, was Hot Fuss, once again. He breathed in, trying to push the tears back in and looked away swiftly. Bill must’ve caught the action, as he put his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, who quickly shrugged it off. They took a seat far from the vinyl, not anywhere close to their field of vision.

Despite that, he still tried to watch it closely. It bothered him how much he needed it, to even see it would let him feel calmer. He picked up his bag, smiled at Mike and Bill saying that he had dropped something earlier, and walked over to where they were in the beginning. Bill and Mike knew what he was doing, it wasn’t that hard to spot, but they had let him be. If this was the last time, then, they supposed he might as well have it while its there.

Eddie sat beside the vinyl looking at it intensely. It was an argument that no one would win, he was arguing with himself. Not knowing if he should just leave it, take it with him or simply just take it in his hands. It lasted while he thought he probably looked weird just staring at a record on the seat beside him. He took it in his hands though, carefully tracing the letters on the front of it. He wished he didn’t take it at all. Because there, written almost illegibly in thick black sharpie was: ‘Eddie. I love you. Meet me at the park bench at three. -Richie.’

Unsurprisingly, though, as much as Eddie didn’t want to, he checked the watch on his phone. It was 2:30. He could still be there. He could still meet Richie and the park bench where they kissed. He could still take back all that he was letting go and- but he shook his head lightly, put the vinyl down, and walked back over to Bill and Mike, ignoring the vinyl for the rest of the ride.

~~~

The plane hadn’t started moving yet. He was looking out the window now, breathing in, breathing out. It was hard to not break into tears when you’re on a plane leaving the place you fell in love with someone for the first time. There was nothing in his headphones this time, no Hot Fuss, no All Time Low or Lucinda Williams, just white noise. Sometimes, when there was no sound, he would hear a ringing in his ears, something that sounded like a flatline, he hated it. It sounded like death. Silence sounded like death. He was listening to silence, so maybe it meant the plane would crash, maybe it meant something had died. Who knew what did, though?

He hit the play button on his earphones and waited, ‘Remember all the things we wanted,’ he heard. What is this song? He picked up his phone to change it, but something about this made him think. He laughed joylessly, this is exactly it. He pulled out his phone. Create a playlist, name playlist: richie. He smiled down at his phone, adding all the songs that reminded him of Richie, of their short-lived romance.

He was presented with a box, ‘Add a description’  written inside of it. He took a deep breath, how would he want to remember this? Then, with a painful thought, he typed what he wrote to Richie.

‘Richie,

I should be on a plane to New York City by the time you come home. My clothes would be gone, Maturin would be been fed, and you would be back with a schedule for your next great performance.

I love you. I don’t know what else to say besides that. I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love before you. My marriage didn’t feel the way this does, my flings never even coming close. You bring the chaos thats mandatory in love. The unsteady heartbeats, the unexplainable smiling, the uncontrollable need to be together. Thats how people describe love, right? This is how I feel about you Richie, never thin I left because I don’t want you because I would do anything to be able to. But I can’t stay. But, you’ll find someone new, you’ll be famous, you’ll have the life you were supposed to have. Its just that, that life doesn’t have me in it.

I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be there when you came home. I didn’t want you to see me and I didn’t wanna make the mistake of staying. I wish I could’ve had you, Richie. I wish I didn’t do the things I did so that there was nothing to risk so that I could be there with you. I’ve done so many things to hurt people, I don’t wanna hurt you. You’re too important to me. I don’t know if they really were hurt, or if they just wanted to manipulate me, but I couldn’t take any chances, especially on you.

Thank you. I guess love isn’t as bad as I thought it was, it wasn’t as guilty and as scary and as plain. I would stay if I could. Anyone who would leave you and hurt you doesn’t deserve what you give. I don’t deserve it, Richie. I’m glad I had it for a little while, but you need someone who can love you the way you're supposed to be loved. I don’t even trust myself, why should you trust me? I can’t fall in love again. Its only you. Thanks for changing my life and making it better. Sorry, I couldn’t do anything for you, but I hope you can find someone who can do what you did to me.

Fear is horrible, Richie. Don’t let it get in the way of you as it did to me.

I love you.

-Eddie’