#i think we just need to stop using single words to describe arcs and rely on them for an argument

[ilynpilled]

I do not know if I like the label “identity arc” either when it concerns Jaime. Or at least how a lot of people define it in context of his arc, and how it is used in the whole ‘redemption’ discourse. One of the most integral aspects of Jaime’s story is the fact that he is so viscerally aware of certain aspects of who he is deep down. All of his chapters are labelled with his name. It is never Kingslayer or GHTJ. “Jaime. My name’s Jaime” is as clear of a declaration as one could get. Even if he does some self deluding, even if he represses his subconscious, his facade of cynicism enabling his behavior so he does not crumble under the weight of his self-concept, and even if he often plays into a fabricated persona. He is aware of who and what he is, specifically what he turned into. That is the problem. He knows who he is/was, and he hates it. Not just because how it is perceived by other people, but also because of how he perceives himself. I never understood this opinion that he has no guilt, there are so many instances of shame and self-hatred, and he is faced with a lot of his guilt in dreams (the subconscious communicating with the conscious). Not to mention his passive suicidal ideation. His arc is about redefining and transforming Jaime, and finally confronting Jaime, not necessarily about just realizing what Jaime was at his lowest. He knows he is a boy that dreamed of becoming Arthur Dayne but turned into the Smiling Knight instead. His arc did not end with him discovering this. It becomes an arc about the weighting of his values. It is about making choices and agency. The exploration of identity and redemption work hand in hand they are not diametrically opposing concepts at all here. He is who he is, and that means he is the one that can make choices to change. “…but the rest Jaime Lannister would need to write for himself. He could write whatever he chose, henceforth. Whatever he chose . . .”

[opalesense]

the last appointment

zhongli & gn!reader

3.4k words • ~25 min. read

summary: as a studious and credible fortune teller in liyue, you discover something about your last client of the week that completely derails your outlook on life.

warnings: liyue arc spoilers, little bit of existential dread, slight mention of family member’s death

notes: might make more parts to this idk?  just kinda wanted to dip my toes into genshin writing for the first time!!

LIFE IN LIYUE HARBOUR seemed to be repetitive and mundane.  For the past few years, you would wake up, open your fortune telling shop, analyze the futures of your clients using your geomancy, possibly take a stroll around Liyue when you needed to run errands, and then call it a day.  You performed the same routine constantly, sometimes travelling beyond the harbor to collect crystals and magical supplies for your shop, but rarely did anything truly change in your routine.  If something was off in the slightest, it was never too exciting to note.

   As anyone would have suspected, you were tired of your state of limbo in life.  Other vision holders seemed to be going on adventures, travelling with companions and exploring the vast mountains and valleys of Teyvat.  Other vision holders seemed to be fighting against evil, helping citizens, and saving the world from imminent dangers.  You could even recall a recent event where the Qixing had evacuated the harbor to defeat a terrifying sea monster.  The Jade Chamber had been sacrificed for the safety of the people of Liyue, and yet here you were, playing with a bunch of rocks for a living.  Despite being able to grasp the glowing Geo vision that held your coat together, you could not grasp why you felt doomed to tend to this shop for the rest of your days.

   You didn’t know where or how to “start” your life.  The small, inherited establishment from your late aunt was located in the small alley of Chihu Rock, practically out of sight from most of the foot traffic in the harbor.  Not many people came to visit, though your name was still decently known.  In fact, most of your appointments were simply previous clients from your aunt, regulars that relied on her readings for years and believed you were the next best thing after she passed.  Especially considering you were the first vision holder in your family, it made your credibility even stronger.

   You still remember how you got your vision.  The morning after your aunt had passed, the elemental gift somehow made its way into your hand as if the timing was meant to be perfect.  You didn’t celebrate such a special and momentous occasion with pride or joy.  Your face stiff with tears, you instead reflected on why you received your vision at that moment in the first place.  With the shop doors closed upstairs, you gripped your vision and did what you felt needed to be done.  With your family’s legacy and tradition on the line, adventuring like other vision wielders was not a priority at the time.

   But after years alone of research, a social life consisting only of interacting with customers, and a constant state of grieving the experiences you could’ve had in your youth, you were now in your late twenties and closing the shop for the day.  Your last appointment was either extremely late or not showing up at all and you were tired of working today, just like every other day. Regret gripped you tightly as you wondered how you managed to get yourself in such a boring, slow burning loop.

   That is until the shop door opened, eliciting a gasp from you at the sudden noise, shattering the previous thought.  You accidentally dropped the basket of cor lapis you were refilling and immediately knelt down to pick up the precious pieces that thankfully hadn’t cracked on the way down.

   “Hello, [Y/N],” the tall figure practically glided through the doorway, “My deepest apologies for being late.”

   He closed the door behind him, “...and for startling you, it seems.”

   You sighed, checking for any scratches on the gems and sighed again with relief based on the good results.  You grinned to hide the fact you had just been in deep thought.  “It’s quite alright, Mr. Zhongli.  It’s kind of you to stop by at the very least, even if you’re late.”

   Mr. Zhongli was one of your aunt’s longtime clients.  Since you were a child, your aunt had always described Mr. Zhongli as a complex yet thoughtful man that had always shown kindness to your family for many years.  When Mr. Zhongli learned of your aunt’s death and began to receive readings from you instead, you quickly realized what your aunt meant by calling him complex.  Mr. Zhongli was truly a tough nut to crack in every single reading, his sessions taking longer than most other cases.  That is why Mr. Zhongli would always offer to take the last spot of the day at the end of every week as to not trouble any of your other clients.

   As you took a few of the best cor lapis from the basket, you could see Mr. Zhongli’s acts of kindness and thoughtfulness unfold in front of you.  He seemed to carry what was now clearly a gift basket at closer inspection.

   “This gift is for you,” Mr. Zhongli took a few steps forward to set the basket on a countertop.  “I brought you your favorites.  Slow cooked bamboo shoot soup, qingxin, glaze lilies, and all the crystals I could find…  needless to say, let this be a token of my appreciation for your patience and hard work from our last few sessions.  I know I am not the easiest to read, but you truly have a talent.”

   You were speechless at the gesture as your eyes sunk into the intricate detail of the handwoven basket and decorated items inside.  No one had ever done something so kind for you in so long.  It was astonishing enough that he remembered your favorite soup that you mentioned only once a few months ago, let alone your favorite flowers and crystals as well.  “Thank you so much, Mr. Zhongli!   I’m at a loss for words – this is so thoughtful of you!”

   “I even brought you that Rex Incognito series you had mentioned, although, I am not sure why you would need to read the series when I am fully capable of educating you on the history of Rex Lapis myself,” he flaunted, taking his seat on the cushioned chair in front of the reading table.

   “Now, Mr. Zhongli...” you picked out some prithiva topaz from another basket, following the usual protocol you had with such a personalized, frequent client like him. The required materials for his readings were imprinted into your memory like carvings in stone. “You know I don’t want to burden you with my curiosity.  And with such an intriguing topic like Rex Lapis... once I start asking questions I’m afraid I will not stop.”

   “I have all the time in the world,” he got comfortable in his seat as you sat yourself across from him, “I truly think it would benefit you to discuss the history of Rex Lapis with a learned scholar such as myself.  We can even have some tea as we discuss.”

   You chuckled at his eagerness.  He seemed more forward than usual. “You are too kind, Mr. Zhongli.  Perhaps I’ll take that offer someday, but at least let me put those books to good use first. Maybe I won’t need to bombard you with questions if I’m already well briefed on the subject.”

   He sighed happily.  “You make a good point. And you will enjoy them, I’m sure.”

   You settled into your seat as you arranged the crystals between the two of you.  “The usual for tonight?”

   “Yes, please.”

   Your hands meticulously placed the last crystal in its spot on the surface.  You closed your eyes and hovered your hands above the rocks, clearing your mind to make way for the usual reading: a reflection on the past, any significant events of the present to focus on, and some insight into the future.  You held this hand gesture for awhile, letting the energy from the rocks lift into the air and envelop your gloved palms.  When you felt there was enough energy to work with, you opened your eyes to reveal the manifestation of his thoughts in front of you, able to take its physical form using the powers from your glowing vision.

   No one had ever taught your this skill, not even your aunt.  If you had to bloat your own ego, one could say you invented this Geo fortune telling process yourself. The process indeed came to you naturally, a true display of pure talent.

   You slowly lifted your hands to allow the visual manifestation to settle on the table among the gems so Mr. Zhongli could watch his reading unfold in front of him as well.

   “Let us analyze the past first,” he spoke, already knowing the routine without you needing to ask him where to start.  You slowly waved your hands as if you were digging a hole in sand on a beach, the manifestation displaying ambiguous patterns that wouldn’t make sense to any commoner’s eyes but could be interpreted easily by yours.

   Two pairs of focused eyes fixated on the picture as you spoke your mind out loud.  “You have recently given up something extremely important to you, it seems.  I see you handing over something…  small, physically, yet unbelievably significant and personal.  I can’t tell what it is exactly, only that it glows like the sun with its energy.  But you have handed this important object over to a very... evil... figure?” you cocked your eyebrow, confused.  “You seem to be brooding over the fact that its aura is dark with malicious intentions.”  You hesitated, “Well, that can’t be right, can it?”

   He sighed.  “Unfortunately, that is indeed what happened recently.  But it had to be done.”

   “Didn’t we talk about a similar situation in a previous reading?  If I remember correctly, I thought I had advised you to not give up whatever that object was.”

   “I am aware of the consequences that will follow.  Especially with your future guidance, I’m sure the events following this one questionable decision will unfold in a better way soon enough.”

   “I will always be here to help you, Mr. Zhongli.  But please be careful in the future with these decisions.  The importance of this object seems to be off the charts.”

   He nodded.  “It is as you say.  Please, have faith in me now. I cannot change what happened in the past, after all.”

   You hovered over this image of the sacrifice.  You couldn’t make out what this object was, no matter how close you tried to inspect it.  It had the likings of a chess piece, but surely this wasn’t simply a chess piece, was it?

   “Let us move on, if that is alright with you,” his low voice cut the silence.

   You wiped the image from your mind and waved your hands again, as if you were slowly putting the sand back into the hole you dug before.  If the last image wasn’t enough bad news, this new one that formed was even more painful to witness.

   “You have been grieving your losses very recently,” you said gently.  “Your mind is currently weighed down by your past.  I see you looking out at the sea in deep thought.  There are flashes of…”

   You stopped as you inspected the graphic images that suddenly appeared beyond your hands.  You gasped at the terrifying horrors.

   “What is it?” the low voice tried to search for understanding of what you were seeing.  Even though the image was clearly laid out in front of him, it was still too ambiguous to tell when he lacked your years of experience.

   “There are flashes of war,” your breath stifled as you watched his thoughts splayed out in images of lifeless bodies and destruction.  “Very graphic details of war and death.  Mr. Zhongli, I believe this image of suffering has been weighing over your mind like an anchor in the sea.”

   He paused to process your comparison.  “That is... a very good way to put it.”

   “Though, I believe that despite the sorrow that emanates in this image, you are in a state of relief and tranquility.  It seems you are grieving, but you are simultaneously at peace,” you hesitated again, “Yet I wonder what these graphic images of war are meant to represent.  Surely we are not in an actual war, are we? Perhaps you are at war with your past, wanting to move on but haunted by your memories?”

  Mr. Zhongli unfortunately knew the images you were seeing were, in fact, real events he had experienced in his life time and the truth was that lately he had been reminiscing on these events.  Mortal life is kind to humans for them to be blissfully unaware and carefree of these harsh realities, he internally commented.

  He still put your analysis into thought, though.

  “I am haunted, indeed.  I have been attempting to come to terms with my troubled past, just as you advised me only a few weeks ago.  I have tried to follow your guidance, and although they resurface what I have been trying to repress, I believe I am coming to peace with what happened.”

  You grinned.  “That is very good to hear, Mr. Zhongli.  I believe you are currently making good progress when it comes to moving on.  Just remember that it is okay to remember your sorrow.  Let your emotions pass through you instead of repressing them or rushing to move on.  It is okay to take your time and let the thoughts bubble inside of you for awhile.”

  He closed his eyes as you continued, letting your advice seep in.  You continued. “Imagine the stillness of the sea.  Many creatures and lost remnants take their place in the depths of the waters, but on the surface we see constantly moving yet serene waves wash over what is hidden below.  Your memories are there to stay, Mr. Zhongli.  But your present self, the surface of the water, can peacefully coexist with whatever is hiding deep within.  Let these thoughts weigh you down momentarily, but rest assured, you will find balance and acceptance in due time.”

  His eyes fluttered open as he reflected over your words.  You always seemed to know what to say.  “Your words have truly resonated with me, [Y/N].  And you are absolutely correct.  I have been fighting these memories to avoid the pain, but it had not dawned on me that sorrow is... what I am meant to feel, not push away.  I suppose your advice has put my mind at a bit more ease, and I suppose I am focusing too much on when I will be able to move on rather than allowing my thoughts to coexist for a moment.”

  “Now you’re getting it,” you grinned with the relief that washed over his face.

  “Shall we move on?” he offered.

  You got to work on the last segment of the reading.  If manifesting the other images didn’t take long enough, reading one’s future always took the longest.  Interpreting an event that hasn’t happened yet always made you a bit nervous with your words.  You never wanted to let a client down with an inaccurate reading.

  On the contrary, this reading, despite taking quite awhile to appear on the surface on the table, was very clear.

  “That is undoubtedly an image of me,” your eyes glazed over the facial features of the person in the manifestation.  “I apologize for the delay, Mr. Zhongli, I must have accidentally let my thoughts seep into yours–“

  “Do not fret, I believe this is accurate,” he interrupted.  “Keep going.”

  Your perplexed expression remained as you continued the reading.  “I am admittedly stumped.  There is nothing left in this image.  I suppose it is simply me standing in what looks like some ruins.  I am holding a staff, or some kind of long object.”  You paused to think out loud.  “Why am I in your reading?  What could this possibly mean?”

  Mr. Zhongli chuckled as you thought out loud.  “Perhaps this is a good time to tell you why you are in my thoughts.”

  “I’d love to hear it, I have never appeared in someone’s reading in my last decade and a half of experience.  This is quite unique.”

  He folded his hands in his lap, “For some reason, I have had this strange vision of training you.  I’m not sure why, since you don’t seem like the fighting type, but there is some voice inside me that is telling me you are destined for something great and i need to take some part in it.  What do you think, now that you see this vision as well?”

  Your eyebrows rose in shock.  “Training me?  I guess this does relate to something I have been pondering as of late.  I do not want to lay out my troubles on you though, my job is to interpret your life, not mine.”

  “Our lives have clearly intertwined in this vision,” he insisted, “Please do not hold back for my sake. I have the time.”

  You thought for a moment.  How could you form the words without seeming too selfish? How could you maintain professionalism by talking about your personal problems?

  “I am not the fighting type, Mr. Zhongli.  Though, lately I have been quite depressed about the fact that I am not doing as much with my vision as other vision holders are.  My life is uninteresting.  The truth is that I am a simple fortune teller that plays with rocks.  I hope you can understand why I am failing to interpret this reading,” you apologized. “It’s because this doesn’t seem characteristic of me at all.  And with all due respect, after giving you readings for years, I would have never guessed you were versed in combat to train me!”

  He chuckled.  “I respectfully disagree.  To tell you the truth, your talents surpass the abilities of many other vision holders.  Not everyone can read thoughts or tell the future.  Now that I mention it, I know of one talented astrologist in Mondstadt, but think about that.  You are one in hundreds of thousands in Teyvat,” he reassured.  “You did not receive your vision for no reason and I truly believe you are destined for something big.  I regret not being able to realize this before.”

  “How are you so sure of this?  I would love to believe you, but I’m afraid I am not destined for much, really.  Again, I am simply a fortune teller.  What could I possibly do for Liyue other than read some rocks?”

  He sighed and connected his palms with yours, interrupting the reading and wiping the manifestation off the table.  The hovering crystals dropped onto the surface, making you gasp at the sudden sound.

  “I am not who you think I am,” his amber eyes finally met yours for the first time this evening, which sent a chill down your spine.  “Promise me you will not fret, for what I am about to show you may shock you.”

  “What do you mean?  What are you doing, Mr. Zhongli?” you slightly panicked as he firmly grasped your hands.

  Suddenly, the room was engulfed in golden light that emitted from the seat across from you.  Scattered, distorted images of a mystical dragon, a devastating war, and seven seats in Celestia flashed across your eyes as you stared at the beams of light.  Death seemed to swallow you, but not take you.  The baskets of crystals around the room shook with the surge of energy.  The world seemed to destroy itself then remake itself over and over again within fleeting moments.  These thousands of years of memories made your body tremble.  It all happened within fleeting moments, and after a few seconds of your senses being overwhelmed, you finally pulled yourself together and connected the dots.

  His expanded knowledge of Liyue’s history.  The sudden gift of your vision immediately after your aunt passed.  Grieving his losses and having flooded thoughts of war and death.  Offering combat training.  Remembering your favorites the same way he would remember Liyue’s customs and traditions.  His glowing amber eyes alone.

  Mr. Zhongli was the God of Contracts and overseer of Liyue.  Rex Lapis, a being that lived for millennia, sat in the seat across from you. He had been posing as a mere mortal for years, taking readings as if he were any normal customer. The realization shook you to your core as you sat there bewildered, grateful, and horrified at the same time.

  He let go of your hands after seeing that the information successfully processed in your mind.  He saw something in you that was yet to be awakened, where the sky was the limit under your own expectations.  This daydream of his was no simple vision – it was a calling.  Internally, whether you agreed to it or not, he vowed that he would not leave your life until your true destiny was fulfilled.

  He would see this vow fulfilled by offering you a contract that would change the course of your life forever.

[nikadoesanart]

My predictions on BSD getting animated going forward

I’ll be taking a look at the novel page counts (Japanese and English) and comparing them to the screen time they’ve gotten so far and then using this to predict how long the remaining light novel adaptations will be (approximately). At the end will also be my rough prediction/hopes for the order of some of these being adapted. I say some because I have yet to read what there is so far of the gaiden novel translations, the main story manga has essentially still been on the DOA arc almost since where the anime left off, and I personally think that it’s currently too soon for Storm Bringer (aside from money purposes).

Note, most of this was written well before the anime 5th anniversary livestream but the announcements wound up not affecting it. I then of course made adjustments as needed account for the novel content we do have so far, both in Japanese and in English (officially).

Page to Episode Count

Not counting the afterward, ads, etc for the English/US copy, Japanese is including it

Also all eng page counts are using the Yen Press release and jp page counts are taken from the fandom wiki

*148 is purely counting the Untold Origins portion of the novel. If we also count the A Day at the Agency short story that’s included before it (56 pages), then we get the full 203

Also the English page count for BEAST was noted before the English release date but after page counts have been posted by affiliated retailers, so subtract a couple pages from the written count of 176 for the time being to account for the afterward and possible character sheets being included

Now that we have our page to episode counts (as of April 5th, 2021), let’s find the actual content run time of what we do have animated so far.

Seasons 1-3 and the OVA all have the same episode length/duration. Each episode is 23 minutes, and we can subtract 3 minutes on average from that to account for the OP and ED being played. This leaves us with an average of 20 minutes of BSD story content per episode. So on average, each of the first 3 seasons contain 240 minutes, or 4 hours, worth of story content.

Dead Apple’s total run time is 91 minutes, with the OP and ED making up 9 of those minutes. However, we do have a bit of the story content being played while the ED is playing (as sometimes happens in the anime as well). To keep the math simple, I’ll be approximating story content time at 82 minutes.

Apply these numbers to the novels that have been animated so far and this is (approximately) what we get:

Now let’s use these numbers to predict the screen time needed for the other novels

Note that we can’t really use Entrance Exam as a fair measure because of how much got cut out (just compare the run time of it to Dark Era and it speaks for itself). However, the numbers for Dark Era and Dead Apple are the best ones to use, as they both have minimal changes between anime and novel and both have official English translations currently available. Take out the approximate time taken up by OP/ED and and the numbers pretty much match up.

So with that being said, we can estimate Untold Origins (only) at approximately 3 eps/60 min and 55 Minutes at 1h 40-55min/100-115 min or 5-6 eps if it doesn’t get a movie. We can also estimate the A Day at the Detective Agency short story at the beginning of Untold Origins to take up about 1 ep, probably even a bit less.

1+ 3 + 5-6 = 9-10 episodes which isn’t enough for a full single cour season unless they all get put into one big OVA season, but also 10-11 eps (or less) seasons are a thing (ie. Fugou Keiji: Balance Unlimited, Blood Lad, Black Butler: Book of Circus, The Seven Deadly Sins: Signs of a Holy War, FLCL)

My personal predictions/hopes for the anime adaptation timeline going forward

This is considering the manga content, current “pausing/stopping points” what wouldn’t be too awkward, each of the novels relevancy/necessity to the main story manga, and assuming we continue with single cour (12-13 ep) seasons

Hopefully/ideally a 55 Minutes movie

S4: ch 54-70

Early S5 (preferably) or end of S4: Untold Origins or A Day at the Agency

S5: ch 71-88/around where we are now?

A Day at the Agency can, in my opinion at least, be chucked in at any point either as a single episode OVA or as the light novel content for s4 (maybe not even taking a full episode and then starting ch 54 in the last few minutes for example). Keep in mind that the current DOA arc is a long one and has plenty to it, so personally I think it may even be better to not include a novel adaptation in a future S4, as it would likely already be a right squeeze content wise. Remember, we also have a few XX.5 chapters that are continuations of the chapter directly before them.

I still need to read what’s currently available of the gaiden novel fan translations but it can probably be adapted at any point as well. I’m estimating approximately 5-6 eps as an OVA series. I don’t really think it would get a movie, partially because you can make it only so long, especially since it’s an anime movie and unlike Storm Bringer, it doesn’t have Chuuya to practically guarantee the profit.

BEAST also doesn’t directly impact the main story and can be adapted at virtually any point. However, seeing as we do have a live action confirmed for it and it’s page count lines up very closely with Dark Era, it can be either 4 eps or (more likely in my opinion) a movie, as it can be considered almost stand alone content.

Personally, I believe it is currently way too soon to animate Storm Bringer as it came out only a little over a month ago (as of writing this) and has minimal plot necessity as of ch 91, but I do believe it should be either split into 2 movies (a part 1 and part 2) or it would need 8 episodes, likely as an OVA season. If it were to get animated sooner than 55 Minutes or Untold Origins, which I believe to be very unlikely, I feel that it would almost certainly be driven by the financial gains of Chuuya being included, and his popularity alone. Reminder, SB is about Chuuya and not SKK. Dazai’s appearance in SB is proportionally a very small percentage and he’s not even mentioned in the official plot summary.

However, you can argue that SB is starting to have some relevance now, with the recent mention of the Order of the Clock Tower in ch 90 and the increased relevance of sealed ability weapons in ch 91. However, I really do believe that you can’t adapt Storm Bringer before 55 Minutes because of Standard Island and its treaty, it also talks about sealed ability weapons, knowing who Wells is, and 55 Minutes canonically takes place during the “downtime” portion of S3. In fact, here’s Asagiri’s words directly from the Afterward (translation by Yen Press):

“this volume didn’t take place in the past, but rather sometime after the tenth volume of the manga. In other words, it’s a tale about the ‘usual’ detective agency in novel format.” (55 minutes, p 237)

Untold Origins also should be adapted sooner rather than later (at least compared to SB in my opinion) because it’s about Ranpo and Fukuzawa’s shared past, which becomes increasingly relevant ch 70 onwards, as well as the need for the ADA being founded (which ties in with Yosano’s backstory in ch 65-66).

In regards to whether I think each of these would be better suited to a movie adaptation or as multiple regular length anime episodes, it’s mainly due to page count and partly due to the budget difference between the two, as well as how difficult I think it would be to animate each of these based on what needs to be drawn. The anime industry isn’t the fastest to switch to newer technology, hence why we see issues with 3D blending sometimes. I really do think that at the very least, 55 Minutes deserves the movie budget because of how detailed and complex the architecture of Standard Island is described as, as well all the mechanical parts needed for the final battle of the novel. Hate the lizard mouths introduced in Dead Apple all you want, but you can’t deny that the 3D cgi was blended very smoothly. For any of the other novels to be movies, it’s more so because gaiden and BEAST can be considered their own stand alone stories that don’t rely too heavily on the main story in terms of when they take place and get adapted. I feel that SB is more likely to get its own season or an OVA season more so due to its length, but multiple part anime movies have also been done before (ie. the Fate/Stay Night: Heaven’s Feel movies), so it’s not entirely impossible. Especially considering that merely having any Chuuya screen time means that you can expect the profit and popularity to really go up, especially with SKK being on screen together (regardless of whether you love or hate how the fandom tends to push a shipping POV on them).

These are all of course just my hopes and predictions and estimates based on information currently available, so take them with some salt. I’d love to hear opinions on how, when, and why each of the currently non animated novels should be adapted going forward. Also please stop begging the relevant BSD official Twitter pages for SB to be animated next and go read the other light novels you Chuuya simp

[mallowstep]

how do you find the energy and motivation to write like... everyday?? i literally cannot write unless i am possessed by a thought in my brain and forced to spew out everything onto paper. and then i cant look at it again ot edit it. like, i really love writing and if im forced to do it for school i will, but i cant write for myslef.

practice.

first, i want to say that i am going to describe how i write, but it is not necessarily going to work for most people, because it has to do with my own psychology and mental health.

second, i want to say that i view writing as writing for pleasure or writing for work. poetry, for example, i write for pleasure, and i would not apply what i am going to discuss to poetry. that happens when i have something to say. it is OK to not want to write for work. that's acceptable and encouraged.

third, i want to dispel a myth. writing consistently is not about motivation. it is about discipline. and you should take heart in that, because motivation is hard to control. you can't force yourself to want to do something, no matter how hard you try. but if you build up discipline, you can learn to do it anyway.

i'm not going to go into that now, because i'm coming at this from the specific perspective of someone with adhd who uses pressure to force myself to function, which is...a hard balance to strike, and not something i can strictly recommend. it does work for some people. i think of it as an arch.

but i digress, i said i wasn't discussing the specifics of how i function in day-to-day life, lest i encourage others to do as i do.

okay. so. where am i going with all of this?

part one: a long, fairly incoherent ramble about me and mental health and writing

well. i don't think the idea of writing for yourself is very helpful to a lot of people. i do write for myself. but that doesn't get my ass in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard. the thing that does that is not social obligation to others, either, it is the firm knowledge that putting words on paper is going to keep me from falling apart.

i don't do that for myself. i don't do that for anyone but the human need to hold yourself together. i am very happy i feel that need at the moment, and every time i have stopped writing* in the past ten years, i have lost that need.

* writing here should really be replaced with a broader term. creating things. making things. working with my hands and something real. but writing is the best thing i know to fill this in myself.

writing does not feel optional. i started writing seriously when i was not-quite-a-teenager and had untreated depression. it was desperate, then. the need to know i was capable of feeling emotions. since then, writing has been different things at different times. it has been a social need. it has been a creative need. it has been a demanding drive. it has been something i drag myself to do because i know it is good for me.

i don't have to write. i could paint, or draw, or knit, or code, or any number of things. i have used all of those things, and more, in the past, but writing is something i also enjoy.

sometimes writing is dragging myself to the keyboard. it is not always a flurry of words as an idea seizes me. it is, "i am publishing the next chapter of ashes because it is monday and that is what i do on mondays." but.

it is monday, and that is what i do on mondays.

i hate not posting every day. i hate it. i am Untethered. i spent ca. three weeks over the summer completely disconnected from time, but. i post ashes today, it is monday, i move on, i go through the days and they are not the same.

i hate not posting every day. i know that i would be doing better if i could just break through and start again, but figuring out how is hard. some things i know (ibtwicm is stressful because another person is involved, and that means that i cannot work with betas, even though the one i have is absolutely wonderful and i adore her), but other things are just that nebulous idea of not enough time to start.

i don't always have the energy to write. some days are bad. some days my head hurts. i don't have the expectation that i will never miss a day of posting. i've taken plenty of time off. but i like the rhythm.

anyway. let me try to turn that incoherent ramble about me into something...actionable?

part two: what i tangibly do

i have a schedule. that is not requisite, but it saves me from making decisions. i have a schedule and i have fics and one-shots and they all slot into that schedule by arc. i could have done it by anything, but arc was convenient.

anyway.

i figure out what i'm posting when i wake up in the morning, and i try to skim over what i've already got before starting my day. i flick back and forth between writing and whatever i am doing throughout the day.

(which is why, as i transition back into my normal pace, the thing i have been doing to fill the gap will diminish. less au chatter snippets etc, because that is what i have been doing instead of writing.)

by the evening, i'm usually close to done with the draft. i spend a solid chunk of time patching it up, then i do a round of edits, finish my other work, do line edits, and post.

if i have time after that, i start looking at tomorrow's post.

that's it. sometimes i don't want to work on something. too bad. it's on the schedule. or even, "too bad, we're posting something today." unless i am having a bad (read: low spoon) day, i do not waver in that expectation for myself.

in fact, i think the only way ibtwicm will get done is if the final chapter two chapters go up un-beta'd, because the deviation from routine makes me impossibly frustrated with them. we shall see.

anyway. i have spent years building the discipline to be able to do that. if you rely on motivation, do not think you can just flip over and magically learn how to turn an empty page into words because you told yourself that is what you are doing right now. so.

part three: how to build discipline

i said i won't be covering this, and i'm not Really. i'm going to tell you how to get started, and i am going to be the Bad Guy. i am not capable of doing this kindly. there are other, better, resources i encourage you to seek out.

so. you can't start by just. throwing yourself into it. it won't work, it'll be frustrating, etc.

you want to figure out what a reasonable word count/day is for you. i shoot for 3k words/day, but i figure as long as i'm above 1k, i'm happy.

[aside: if you are going to be writing a lot in a day, please take care of your body. have good posture. know how to hold yourself. etc. i credit years of playing piano as giving me strong wrists and nice, curved fingers, and exercises to build and strengthen the same muscles as you use for typing, but just keep this in mind.]

anyway, there's no right number. 100 words is enough. it should be -- what works for me is a number that's just slightly higher than what i can do comfortably, because it means i have to be focused, which keeps me on track. i think this is important. it is not the only way.

and then you just meet that goal. if you're new to this, writing 100 words every day might be hard. you don't have to limit yourself to 100, just hit 100 every. single. day.

eventually that will feel easy.

"i don't feel like writing," you will think, "but i've figured out how to get around that."

then you either feel happy with what you're doing or push your word count up.

me? i don't measure how many words i write, because i've already done all of that. for all i bemoan research and being stuck, i'm generally exceptionally effective. i don't think that's bragging; i think the number of asks i have answered with scenes i whipped out of nowhere demonstrate that.

i have spent years getting to the point where i can open up a blank page, on a day when i feel like crap (emotionally), when i have no ideas and no motivation and every word i put on paper feels robotic and stiff and terrible, and still finish what i started. it's hard work. it might not be worth the effort. but. that's what i do.

[ellie-s-machete]

My thoughts on Abby in The Last Of Us Part II

spoilers ahead

There's a lot to say about this character. If you know me and followed my blog for a while, you know how excited I was about this mystery woman before the game came out. I expected a lot from Abby, and I did get a lot, but definitely not what I expected. And to be honest I didn't like Abby as much as I thought I would, I really wanted to love her but I simply didn't. BUT LISTEN, I think Abby is one of the most interesting and well-written characters of the entire The Last of Us universe. She is as complex as Ellie, has her flaws and qualities and I think that in the end, whether you like her or not isn't that important. What matters is whether you understand Abby and her actions or not. You HAVE to understand and acknowledge her point of view, to see events in a different light. And I think the success of the entire game relies on your ability to understand Abby and empathize (at least a little bit) with her, it doesn't rely on your ability to love this character, you can still appreciate Abby as a character without having to love her. What I truly don't get however is all the hate Abby is getting, mostly for her actions, which is hypocritical considering the incredible amount of parallels between Ellie and Abby or even Abby and Joel. A lot of people blindly love Ellie and blindly hate Abby. Like, I love Ellie, I got to admit that it will be easier for me to forgive Ellie than to forgive Abby, because I'm biased, she is my favorite character, but when she fucks up, then she fucks up, there's no point in denying. Abby isn't perfect, and neither are Ellie nor Joel.

A lot of people got mad at Abby for killing Joel, mostly the way she killed him. Was it torture? Yes. Was it necessary? Absolutely not. However, violence can be cathartic (or seems to be cathartic) and it was Abby's way of avenging her dad. If my own mom was killed by some random guy, I don't know how I would react, and how I would try to avenge her. Torture in this world is more common than you might think, even Dina (who is one of the kindest and most sensible characters) admits that she would gladly torture her sister's murderers. I guess that thirst for violence is just a basic, primal feeling for the characters living in this world, even if it goes beyond their own sanity.

So as far as I was concerned, I managed to understand Abby's actions as soon as I gathered that she did it to avenge her father's death, which is also one of the biggest parallels with Ellie's quest to avenge Joel. Ellie and Abby share the same purpose.

There was only one moment in the game where I got mad at Abby, words cannot describe how mad I was: when Abby almost killed Dina. That whole scene was fucked up: she placed the knife under her throat, then proceeded to reposition Dina so Ellie could see what she was about to do, and finally her implying that Dina being pregnant was another "good" reason to slit her throat. Abby was at her darkest place at that moment, she was a monster. And for me, Abby isn't the one who spared Dina and Ellie, Lev is the one who saved them. But as evil as Abby may be in that moment, you later find out that this scene is paralleled with Ellie threatening to slit Lev's throat and forcing a malnourished and weak Abby to fight her. In that final boss fight, Ellie was the one who became the monster. And that's why you have no choice but to play the whole game to understand every single character.

Let me quickly go back on the "Abby is a monster" thing because I don't want you to think I'm saying Abby is a monster the whole time. I think she was out of control during the theatre boss fight, just like Ellie was during the final boss fight. What I'm basically saying is that Abby appears throughout the game as a rather good person, she is a key contributor to her community (the WLF) but isn't alienated to it when this same organization challenges her beliefs and her morals, which is shown when Abby decides to betray the WLF to protect Lev. The issue is that I see a lot of people say that "Abby is a monster, and Lev is a cheap way to give her a redemption arc", and I don't get it at all??? Some of you think Abby needed (or not) a redemption arc because she killed our beloved Joel, but when you contextualize the situation, Abby doesn't really need redemption. She's just a broken woman who did fucked up things because she was blinded by her emotions, just like any other character in this damn game. She at one point hit her lowest point and Lev is the one who helped her coping with her trauma and move on. I don't see what's cheap in that. Nobody ever said it was cheap when Ellie was the one that gave Joel hope for the future, nobody said it was cheap when Ellie's good memories of Joel helped her forgive Joel, herself and Abby. So why treat Lev's role in Abby's life differently?

My empathy for Abby didn't start until the Santa Barbara chapter. I think that the theater boss fight against Ellie and Dina, and its aftermath was a key element in Abby's evolution. The moment Lev stopped her from killing Dina, she realized that she wasn't herself anymore, and that Lev was the only light left in her life, that he is the one that could help her overcome her trauma. In Santa Barbara, Abby is a changed woman, I feel like she finally could be herself, and she has found something to fight for (Lev, and finding the Fireflies). The dynamic between Abby and Lev looks familiar: this dynamic is undoubtedly reminiscent of Joel and Ellie's relationship in part I. This Abby really contrasted with the Abby we saw at the very beginning or various point in the game, she evolved, progressively, subtly, and that is great character development. In that last part of the game, I managed to sympathize with Abby, and I really started to like her. I wanted to tell Ellie to stop her revenge quest, that it would be futile (and it was), but I couldn't because Ellie couldn't see the whole picture from her perspective. All of this, Ellie continuing her revenge quest despite us, as players, knowing and understanding where Abby was coming from and the way she changed  ̶  all of this was conflicting, but also so good. That's why I think the writing was incredible, everything is layered, and Abby's complex character and storyline highly contributed to make this game what it is: a masterpiece that needs to be understood.

[comrade-meow]

Below is a statement we received from LGB Fight Back in the States, a new group that advocates for LGB rights under vicious, homophobic attack by trans ideology activists.

LGB Fight Back, a US-based organization that represents the interests of lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people, launched on February 14, 2021 with a Valentine’s Day-themed Week of Action. Protests took place across the US and Canada, co-sponsored by LGB Fight Back and Parents of ROGD Kids, a nationwide organization of parent support groups whose children are at risk of being medicalized and harmed by transgenderism. The protests sent a message of love to non-conforming kids everywhere: We love you just the way you are!

LGB Fight Back formed in response to the exponential rise of transgenderism and the forced teaming of the LGB with the transgender movement. Society at large is being gaslighted by activists into supporting the false idea that trans is “gay-adjacent.” The transgender movement, driven by medical corporations and Big Pharma, reinforces conservative stereotypes of male and female behavior, and directly targets LGB people for medical experimentation that shortens their lifespans, turns them into lifelong medical patients, and renders them sterile.

“Trans is not Gay Plus. It is not Gay 2.0,” says LGB Fight Back co-founder and lifelong progressive Belissa Cohen. “In fact, it’s just the opposite. The T is a parasite on the gay community.”

In pushing transgenderism for profit, Big Med preys on the internalized shame and external homophobia experienced by so many members of the LGB community. The invention of the “trans child” out of whole cloth reinforces the public narrative that trans identities are innate, lifelong, and unchangeable, and works to prevent LGB people from resisting medicalization.

“Not conforming to sex stereotypes is not a medical condition,” says Cohen. “It’s perfectly normal, especially for homosexual and bisexual people. So-called ‘transition’ is being used to force people, especially LGB people, to conform. Woke homophobia is just conservative homophobia with more glitter.”

The Valentine’s Week protests, most of which took place at youth “gender clinics,” addressed the harm being done to children by trans ideologues spouting the quasi-religious claim that it’s possible to be “born in the wrong body,” and their highly successful efforts to squelch research, discussion, and debate surrounding the subject. Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, the site of one of the protests, has opened a second clinic in New Jersey to capitalize on this profit-driven fad. And Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, where protesting parents were welcomed by local news crews, currently refers healthy girls as young as 13 for double mastectomies that will cause them lifelong chronic pain. CHLA’s Medical Director Johanna Olson-Kennedy has also created guidelines that allow children as young as 8 to be poisoned with artificial hormones. 

Pediatric “transition” causes sterility and lack of sexual function, echoing the “progressive” eugenics movement of the 20th century, in which more than 60,000 Americans, primarily women of color and “mental defectives”–including homosexuals, who were pathologized in the DSM until 1973–were sterilized.

Medical experimentation on non-conforming children concerns LGB Fight Back greatly, as these children are likely to grow up to be the next generation of LGB people. Ample research shows that, if not affirmed as “trans,” the majority of non-conforming kids grow up to be healthy lesbians, bisexuals, or gay men. The “trans-affirmative model” that turns young LGB people into poor facsimiles of the opposite sex saddled with lifelong medical issues is highly unethical. At best, it’s a new form of gay conversion therapy; at worst, it’s a new form of LGB eugenics.

“Lesbians, gay men, and bi people have been intentionally targeted for medicalization at least since Nazi doctor Carl Vaernet started using hormones as a ‘cure’ for homosexuality in the 1930s,” 

says LGB Fight Back co-founder and former trans activist Carrie Hathorn. “Big Pharma and Big Med turned our community into a revenue stream, and now they’re doing the same to kids.

“I was once captured by this ideology, too,” Hathorn continues, recalling the two trans activist workshops she led in 2014. One of the workshops was designed for supporters of whistleblower Bradley Manning, a gay man who declared himself “trans” on the day of his conviction. “As a trans activist, I thought I was being supportive. But now I realize that Manning and my ‘trans’ friends were just attempting to distance themselves from their own homosexuality. Just like ‘praying the gay away,’ transing the gay away doesn’t work.”

Hathorn is hopeful that the growing tide of detransitioners, many of whom are lesbian, gay, or bisexual, will soon become impossible to ignore in the US. In the UK in 2020, a high court ruled that children under 16 cannot consent to bone-disintegrating drugs sold as puberty blockers. The ruling was prompted by Keira Bell’s lawsuit against the Tavistock gender clinic. Bell, a detransitioned lesbian, has been vocal about the internalized homophobia that drove her own “transition.”

“LGB Fight Back is standing up for LGB people because we know we’re perfect just the way we are,” Cohen says. “We don’t need to be ‘transed’ into fake straight people.”

But medicalization is not the only threat that transgenderism poses to the LGB community. Lesbian and gay history and LGB historical figures are being “transwashed”, or rewritten as “trans.” Stonewall icon Stormé DeLarverie, a butch lesbian, has been posthumously rebranded as a “trans man”. Malcolm Michaels Jr, a self-described gay man who sometimes went by the name of Marsha P. Johnson, has been rebranded as a “trans woman” and made the star of the Stonewall Uprising in the popular imagination, though historical accounts place him far from the scene. From Joan of Arc to We’wha and Billy Tipton, the Chevalier d’Eon to Moll Cutpurse and Elagabalus, historical figures who had same-sex relationships and did not conform to sex stereotypes are being subsumed into a revisionist “trans history”.

One of the most serious issues currently facing the LGB community is that of sexual coercion and shaming by heterosexuals under the guise of “inclusiveness”. Heterosexuals adopt trans identities in order to gain access to lesbian and gay spaces; they demand that lesbians have sex with straight men calling themselves “trans lesbians” and that gay men have sex with straight women calling themselves “gay trans men”. The concept of “same-gender attraction,” which transgenderists have invented to replace same-sex attraction, is a tool of sexual coercion and conversion therapy rhetoric. Lesbians and gay men who have themselves avoided medicalization face accusations of “genital fetishism”, demands that they undergo “therapy” to “rethink their genital preferences”, stealth rape by deception or omission, and an overall climate of gaslighting.

Of particular note is the insidious concept of the “cotton ceiling”, a term coined by pornographer Drew DeVeaux, a straight man calling himself a “trans lesbian”, for a coercive tactics workshop held at Planned Parenthood. The “cotton ceiling” is a reference to the cotton of a lesbian’s underwear, and the term is used by straight men who view lesbians’ homosexuality – to borrow a word from lesbophobic straight man Julia Serano – as “systemic” oppression against men.

The reframing of homosexuality as bigotry has been used to systematically colonize and destroy precious lesbian and gay bars, events, dating apps, and community centers. LGB people, who rely on single-sex spaces for socialization and community as well as romance, increasingly find themselves isolated, alone, and vulnerable to homophobic bullying and sexual coercion.

“A lot of straight people think that by paying lip service to ‘LGBTQ+,’ they’re supporting us,” Cohen says. “But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Our organizations have been ideologically captured, LGB funding appropriated by the TQ+ and our political movement co-opted. We understand that straight people want to be allies; they want to help. But the culture of No Debate surrounding transgenderism has turned the people who should be our allies against us.”

“If we don’t stop this new form of homophobia,” Cohen continues, echoing concerns expressed by former staff at the Tavistock, “soon there will be nothing left of our lesbian and gay communities. It’s time for LGB people to stand up to LGBT Inc. and say, ‘Enough! Leave lesbians alone! Hands off the gays!’”

Websites: LGBFightBack.org & parentsofrogdkids.com

[phantaloon-books]

I finally read The Tyrant's Tomb and boi I loved this one so much, so here's some my opinion on it (they're not in chronological order)

warning, this is long af and sorry for cursing a bit, I can't help it

Apollo's character arc is lowkey one of the best Rick has written, I'm sorry if you don't agree, but he's gone from wanting others to solve his problems and relying on the halfbloods to intentionally avoiding others doing things for him, volunteering for the quests and saying it should be him that faces the terrible stuff so that demigods and other creatures don't suffer

something really interesting is how his perception of himself has changed, and it's almost worrying how genuinely self depreciating his inner dialogue is, because he no longer sees himself as mighty Apollo, he sees himself as worthless and useless Lester, and his narration is highkey depressing

Also, Apollo disliking and being somewhat disgusted of the god he used to be, realizing the horrible things he had done and how horrible he was and that he looked worse as the former Apollo than as Lester, regretting things he'd done, that's top tier development

(I'm sorry but I love the entire scene with the ravens, the part where he just screams "I'm sorry" it feels as if he isn't just apologizing to the ravens, but to everyone who's been affected by what he's done as a selfish god)

Reyna so openly turning down and laughing at Apollo for suggesting they be together is my favorite thing ever lmao I couldn't stop laughing, like she knew what gods can do if you turn them down (even if it was just mortal Lester) and she didn't give a damn, it was so fucking funny

people say Rick only includes diversity for the sake of including it and to gain popularity, but I still enjoy the fact that he does, because as a teacher he must have had all kinds of students of all religions, colors and sexualities, he includes diversity because he's seen diversity. anyway my point is I love that we have Lavinia, a Jewish lesbian from a Russian family, and she's not ashamed of being any of them

I'm sorry I just love Apollo so much, I've grown to respect him so much, and even if Hermes once said them gods often forget their oaths and promises, I have a feeling Apollo won't ever forget Jason's request that he never forgets what's it like to be mortal

Frank still admiring Apollo despite everything, and despite the fact that he looks like a messed up teen makes me go all uwu

Frank being portrayed as this clumsy and awkward kid but also this powerful and brave leader is my favorite thing ever because I think Frank is underrated and I dare to say that he's one of the strongest demigods we've ever met, even stronger than some of the nig three children

the whole thing about the undead army is honestly so creepy, especially when we see it from Apollo's perspective cause se him slowly succumb to the venom's effect, and that part in Tarquin's tomb where he "calls Lester to be part of his undead" was genuinely disturbing, at least to me

some books in the past have touched the part of the nature spirits not being given enough attention, but I really enjoyed how Apollo comes to realize that he only worries about demigods and gods when all lives are worth the same - mortals, halfbloods, nature spirits, gods, and even monsters

again, I love Apollo's arc, it's just AHH he's becoming so caring of life it just makes me happy

Reyna choosing herself to make herself happy is everything, and inspiring to every single woman who is told by others that they need someone to be happy, I just love it, because self love is the most important love of all

I haven't said anything about it, but man I love Meg and Apollo's friendship, they just care so much for each other, Meg who's so scared of losing her loved ones and Apollo who's so scared of not being able to be loved or to love, but they still love each other, and I'm glad it's not romantic, because yes fraternal love is also what people need, and their friendship is what they need

aurum and argentum being cute doggos rather than the steely (no pun intended) and cold dogs we met in HoO warms my heart. I don't understand why they're so cute and adorable, or maybe that's just how Apollo sees them, but they seem to act like actual dogs in this book

the fact that Reyna never confirmed nor denied being attracted to Thalia just makes me all hyped up, like we love Theyna

Apollo just gives off Eddie Brock vibes throughout the entire book and that's hilarious asf. ever since the start he's said to look like shit, feel like shit and be injured with deathly poison that will turn him to a zombie. if that isn't Venom vibes I don't know what is

I've said it once and I'll say it again, Frank Zhang is one of the strongest demigods Rick has ever introduced in a series, and him facing two immoral and godly in power emperors, burning one to death with his own life fire and injuring the other enough for Apollo to do the final kill is top tier

"If I'm going to burn, I might as well burn bright. This is for Jason." bitch actual goosebumps

We've seen countless deaths before, but something about Frank killing Caligula and Apollo killing Commodus seems so... mature I guess is the word, or well for a more mature audience. I can't describe how or why, but it feels more real, more like actual human death

I can't deal with how human Apollo seems in this book gosh I really am sorry I keep bringing this up, but I feel such warmth

the story of how Frank overcame his curse is actual BS and as much as I love Frank, it makes no sense that they spent all that time thinking of ways to keep the wood secure only for this. idk I mean id that were the case wouldn't the curse had vanished when he broke Thanatos free? he was willing to die then just like against Caligula, so why now but not then?

Don reincarnating into a laurel is peak bittersweet feeling and it actually hurt because in a camp where fauns were seen as dumb and useless, he helped Lavinia organize everything and destroy the canon things on the yachts

I'm still not over Jason's death, he really did deserve better. It makes sense, plotwise, because out of all of the huge characters from the past, Jason, Percy and Annabeth's deaths would impact others the harder, and push them to do better. And I understand that you gotta show, not even the main characters survive sometimes. Still, I'm hurt.

Thalia talking to Apollo during the funeral for the fallen campers made me actually weep. I'm not sure if it was because of Jason, or when Thalia talked about how much Artemis loves Apollo, or when Apollo "accepted" halfblood children of Zeus as his family

Also, you know who deserved better? Harpocrates, damn right he deserved better. I nearly cried when I read his death, cause he embraced it like one would an old friend in happiness. He and the Sybil deserved better. Dakota also deserved better

On the other hand, I tried so hard not to laugh at 2 am as I read Tarquin demand answers from a cat? he genuinely thought a cat would tell him where the Sybilline Books where and I couldn't handle that

This book is cruel but in a much more human way? The maiming of the pegasi wings? that's horrifying, but in such a human way, unlike what we've seen in any of the greek/roman gods series, and it's unsettling

Meg is braver than any of the other demigods were at that age (maybe excepting Nico), cause she's not embarking on a quest to retrieve an item or rescue someone or bring back their sister from the dead, she's facing her own abusive father while aiding a somewhat weak mortal in releasing the oracles and gaining godhood back. what's she getting from it all? absolutely nothing, she's gifted some seeds and she hangs out with unicorns more than other people and she's lost everything, but she's willing to lose more to help her friend. she's heroic like no one else is, because she's the first who doesn’t want anything more than being with her friend (Percy wanted whoever was taken back, Annabeth wanted to be able to be more, Nico wanted to bring back Bianca, even Bianca wanted freedom). the only other person who didn't have somewhat selfish (but kot wrong) interests while doing something heroic at a young age has been Hazel. What I mean is I love Meg and everything she does

Thalia being that chill over Jason's death bothers me so much, as if she wasn't the happiest when she found out the brother she lost 14 years ago was alive after all, and she had a part of her family back, and it was ripped from her, and Thalia is just not one to easily forget or move on from things, it's just unrealistic that she would only need a little furious session of throwing things to be okay with Jason's death as if her brother was not just taken from her all over again. it's impulsive Thalia we're talking about, who fought Percy when dealing with Annabeth going missing, it's just not her to be over his death that quickly. Sorry for Rick but I think differently

I also kinda don't like that Tyson went from being freaking General of the Cyclops, to the guy that has the Sybilline prophecies or whatever, it's important and all, but he would have been of great help during the battle and they had him waiting for help in the shrine hill like his potential went down the drain

but a thing I really loved was how different Camp Jupiter seems from Lester eyes compared from Percy's or Hazel's or Frank's perspective, it's hilarious. The other three see this place where everyone is serious and shit but Apollo just sees beyond the seriousness and it's actually refreshing, cause he's the first not to make CHB seem immature in comparison and like I said before I hated that in previous books

also Reyna laughing watered my plants, cured my depression, and made the world okay again, I just love her

all in all, this is my favorite book of ToA so far, and I'm really excited to see what's to come, and how Apollo and Meg will face Nero and Python, but more  than anything I'm looking forward to what will happen to Apollo, and whether if given the choice, he'd go back to being a selfish god or remain mortal for a while, with his newfound friends

Also I really miss Annabeth so can I please see Annabeth, I just want to see her cause she won't deal with Apollo's shit and I can't wait to see that, I miss my girl

[tlbodine]

How to Love Revision

A lot of you lovely folks are doing Nanowrimo right now. 

Which means that, in a few weeks, you will have a steaming pile of pages. A rough draft. A word-baby, if you will. And you might, at some point, want to turn that messy jumble into a real book, perhaps something to send to a publisher or publish yourself or just share with people. 

I see a lot of writing advice about finishing first drafts -- and a whole lot of it is in the vein of “Just write it! Fix it in post! Finished is better than perfect!” which is great advice for pushing through, but does tend to leave future-you -- the editor you-- with problems. 

Lucky for you, I happen to love editing (really! it’s my favorite part!) so I am here to give you some advice on how to turn those pages into a proper story without ripping all of your hair out or screaming into the void (but if you need to scream, it’s OK, I won’t judge you.) 

First Off: Credit Where It’s Due 

My current revision process draws heavily from Holly Lisle’s One-Pass Revision technique: https://hollylisle.com/one-pass-manuscript-revision-from-first-draft-to-last-in-one-cycle/

Her writing guides are golden, and I heartily recommend reading them all, starting with that one up there. 

I don’t do one-pass revisions, but her ethos really helped me. Before I found her advice, I would get caught in the endless revise/rewrite cycle. I was going through 9+ drafts of every story and it kept morphing into something new and sprouting new problems, hydra-style, every time I tried to redo it. So nothing was ever finished, nothing was ever satisfying, and I hated it. 

So I found a better way! And it freed me! I’ve written six books since then, four of them published (one Wattpad-exclusive) and I learned to look forward to the second draft. 

So how does this magic work? Let me show you! 

Step One: Put the Damn Thing Away 

Editing requires intellectual and emotional distance. So finish your story, and set it aside for a while. Stop thinking about it. Actively put it out of your mind. Work on something else for a while. Read a book. Catch up on all the TV you missed. Whatever. The point is -- you don’t want to come back to revise your story until you can look at it with fresh eyes. 

How long this will take depends on you, of course. It’s a very personal thing. It could be weeks. It could be months. For me, a good guideline is to wait until I can no longer quote whole passages from memory. 

Now then. Let’s do some triage. 

Before you can start editing, you need to know your goals. If you’re a planner, this might be easy because you have an outline you can compare against. If you’re a discovery writer like me, well, this is the time to figure out what exactly it is that you discovered. Grab a notebook (or a notepad file, if you’re a digital native) and follow this process: 

Write a one-sentence elevator pitch that roughly encapsulates the concept of the story. It doesn’t have to be pretty -- you’re not showing this to anyone but yourself -- but it does have to be honest. My one-sentence pitch for River of Souls was “Self-aware zombies struggle for equal rights, but the medication they rely on to retain their humanity doesn’t work as advertised.” My pitch for The Hound was “Lesbian thrift shop owners invite the devil into their home after buying a cursed taxidermied dog.” 

Write down your theme(s). In the draft, themes might take the form of questions. In this draft, you’ll want some answers. What do you want the reader to feel when they’re done? What is the message you’re trying to tell? When I wrote Nezumi’s Children, I knew it was a story about religion -- “What should we put our faith into?” In the end, I decided the answer was, “We should put our faith in each other.” That dictated the ending. (I also wanted to be careful not to inadvertently support abandoning your pets -- so I couldn’t let the rats be happily feral at the end. A happy ending for them meant being owned and cared for). 

Write a 250-word synopsis of the story. Again, it doesn’t have to be pretty. It just has to introduce the characters, the world, and the general shape of the story arc -- the inciting incident, the escalating stakes, and how the character changed at the end. 

You may find that you struggle with this part, and that is totally find (and honestly to be expected). You may discover, for example, that your character doesn’t actually change, or that there isn’t a core conflict. That’s okay! That’s what you’re here to fix! I have absolutely, definitely written a book and then discovered 80,000 words later that it didn’t have a plot. It’s OK though, because you’ll fix that problem in the next step. 

If you do indeed have a plot and escalating stakes and characters who go through developmental arcs, you’re ahead of the game. Now you’ve got the skeleton of an elevator pitch and the makings of a query letter (or a jacket blurb). 

Next: Map Out Everything 

When I was in elementary school, I had to start writing my first essays. I was supposed to make an outline, then write the paper to follow the outline. I wasn’t very good at doing it that way, so instead I would write the paper, then hastily draw up the outline to match what I said. Oops. Nothing has changed, honestly. 

With your trusty notebook (or blank text document), compile the following: 

Write out a list of scenes. Just a couple words describing the events of what happens. Now - are all of those scenes necessary? Are any redundant? Do you need to add foreshadowing or establish something earlier in the story to make sense of it? Are the scenes in the wrong order? Does every scene do some work to advance the plot, deepen the character, flesh out the world? Does the ending resonate with the theme? Re-write the scene list in the correct order, with scenes added or removed as necessary to tell the proper story. Now your scene list is a handy dandy roadmap/outline for your revision! 

List out all of the characters in the story. Write down their role in the story. Does every major character have a goal? Do motivations make sense? Does each one change in some way during the story? Are all of your walk-on roles necessary? Are there characters who don’t really do much, and could you combine them?

Fixing plot holes on your scene list is a lot easier than fixing them in the manuscript itself. Keep tweaking your scenes until the story feels like it works. Make sure there’s a logical flow between events -- cause and effect, escalating stakes. Consult structure guides like the Hero’s Journey or the Three-Act Structure if you need some help with your plot. 

Here’s a part that’s really important so it’s going in all caps: THE SCENE LIST IS FINAL. Make all the adjustments you need to the plot while you do the scene list, but do not -- DO NOT -- deviate from the story once you move on to the next step. You don’t stop modifying your scene list until you’re happy with the story, and once you’re happy, THAT is the story you’re writing. Get new ideas for things that can happen? Great, save ‘em for the next book. 

Now Roll Your Sleeves Up And Get Dirty 

Some people like to print their manuscript off and do edits in pen, but I don’t have reliable printer access most of the time and hate wasting paper. So instead, I pull up the rough draft and adjust it so it takes up one half of my monitor. Then I pull up a fresh, empty file and put that on the other half of the screen. 

Now, using my scene list as a guide, I pull up the rough draft and rewrite it, scene by scene. Yes, that means re-typing every word. You’ll find that when you do this, you’ll fix a lot of language mistakes without even realizing it. I’m an under-writer, so my drafts usually double in length during this process because I spend more time lingering on sensory details, adding scenes, teasing out character dynamics, etc. etc. etc. Just let yourself go, get immersed into the scene. If you forget what you were doing, just refer back to your outline and original draft to get back on track. 

I find this process works best if you can do it quickly. Try not to let the story get cold. Ideally, work on this every single day, or even set aside a long weekend to just hammer it all out. 

Finally: Make a Second Pass 

Now that you’ve got a second draft under your belt, it’s time to celebrate! Set the book aside. If you have beta readers or an editor, now is the time to send this to them. Hang out for a bit. Figure out who you’re querying, if you’re doing that. Find a kick-ass cover, if you’re self-publishing. Build yourself a Lego mansion. Whatever. Just sit on your draft for a little bit. 

Now that a couple weeks have passed, it’s time to make a final pass. Gather all of the feedback you’ve gotten from beta readers and editors and decide what advice you should take and what you can ignore. Here’s a guideline: If someone says something and you think, “oh, yeah! that’s exactly it!” then you take the suggestion. If they say something and you think “uh, well, no, that’s not really the story I was trying to write....” or something similar, you can ignore the feedback. Good feedback will always feel true in the “duh, why didn’t I think of that” way. 

Open up your new draft and, starting at page one, just read the damn thing. Make adjustments to the writing as necessary: 

Correct any misspellings and typos you come across. 

Eliminate weak words and phrases and replace them with stronger ones. 

Add some variation to sentence structure if you notice that it’s become repetitive. 

Eliminate redundancy. Fix your metaphors. Fix your symbolism. Keep your poetic language on-theme. In The Hound, I replaced a ton of random metaphors with dog imagery. It’s subtle, but it lends thematic cohesion. 

Some people use things like Grammarly or Hemmingway App to help with this. I’ve never used them, so I can’t speak to their effectiveness. But if you find that they help, awesome! Use them! 

Here’s a really important point: This step can ONLY come AFTER the rewriting stage. There is no point at all in tweaking sentences and fixing up the language in a story that has no plot. Fix your structural issues FIRST, and be sure they are AIR TIGHT, before you start dicking around with the words. Ok? Ok. (Someone go back in time 15 years and tell this to young me please) 

And now...you are done! 

Spend some time tweaking your elevator pitch and query letter at this point, if necessary. But no matter what, you do not go back into this document and change ANYTHING unless an editor tells you to. The book is DONE. Maybe give it a final proofread before you self-publish it (but honestly, you’re better off hiring someone to do it at that point, you’re going to be too zorched to notice the typos you missed) but otherwise don’t touch it. Don’t think about it. Write the next book. 

And that’s it! That’s my mostly painless revision process! 

Obviously every person is different, your mileage may vary, etc. But I hope this serves as a helpful jumping off point. I am more than happy to answer any questions or provide clarification on things -- just drop me a line :) 

[natsubeatsrock]

Should our heroes do wrong?

Yes. Next question.

Why?

I kind of got into this with the talk of forgiveness, but this is definitely worth talking about. If we get through this the right way, we'll get to talk about redemption arcs. And, boy do I have things to say about that.

But first, let's talk about why heroes ought to do things that aren't particularly great. If you want to make a character more realistic, it's worth recognizing that there has to be a level of weakness to them. Obviously not so much that they're useless or evil. However, enough to let us know that they're not literally perfect.

After all, not a single one of us is perfect. We all have our different struggles, vices, and bad tendencies. As much as we look to characters as escapes from reality, it's rare that a character is considered great because they are perfect. Often, people like characters because they have the same quirks as them and sympathize with the imperfections in them, defending their perceived perfection from critics.

What happens when you get a character that literally is incapable of doing wrong or showing weakness?

In common parlance, a Mary Sue. To be clear, I recognize that there is a lot of sexism behind the use and misuse of the term. However, I don't think the term is useless. The best definition of Mary Sue comes from Overly Sarcastic Productions (whose analysis I love, outside of the conclusions on Fairy Tail as a five-man band). According to them, a Mary Sue is a force of the universe the series revolves around. The rules of the series bend to their whims in ways that other characters could only hope. In short, they're more of a force of nature than a real character. 

To be fair, being imperfect isn't that bad. There are usually three ways to play imperfections off.

The first is the most obvious, playing it straight. A character's faults are known and matter, but that's about it. The issues last a couple of story arcs, but they're far from the main focus of a series or character arc. It's kind of hard to describe this beyond that. As we'll get to other types it should make sense of what I mean.

The second is when the problems with a character drive the plot of the series. This is when a story is built around a character's issues and navigating their daily actions in them. The show isn't about them overcoming the issue so much as it is them living with their issue.

A recent example of this is Bofuri. If you're unaware of the longer title of the show, the main character of the show decides to play as a shield-type character in an MMO. But, because she's an airhead, she decides to put all of her points into her defense stat so she "won't get hurt". The rest of the show follows her as she bobbles her way into the bulkiest tank build in the game with insanely broken abilities. The show isn't about her becoming less of an airhead and growing, so much as it is her thriving as a powerful player despite being an airhead.

The most important thing about this type of character is that it makes sense that they're able to function despite whatever issue they have. Like, if a person's issue is that they can't go without killing people, they probably shouldn't be a doctor. Though in Bungo Stray Dogs, one character can only cure people on the brink of death, no matter their actual issue. Regardless of how minor a person's injuries are, she has to bring them to the point of almost dying to fully heal them. However, she works as a doctor for a group of special agents and not a general hospital. At one point, she heals characters threatened by death in one of the coolest moments in the series.

The third is when problems with a character change as the story continues. This is where we delve into the reasons why a character is how they are and why they have to change. Their reasons for change can be love, growth, or just the personal decision to be better. The point is that they become less terrible people as the story continues.

How this plays out depends on what the issue is. In Your Lie in April, the main character's issue is his inability to play the piano again. As the story goes through, he becomes more and more able to play the piano. In Oregairu, the main character is a misanthropic jerk. As the series progresses, he comes to open up to people more and stop relying on himself. (AND IT”S BA-)

However, the most well-known way this plays out is a character making a mistake and has to atone for it. Normally, this just means a character makes a mistake throughout the story and has to make up for it. The character is forgiven and the story continues.

But some characters have arcs built around making up for the things they did. And, thus we get to redemption arcs. A lot of people have opinions on redemption arcs and how they ought to be handled. My own view is that a good redemption arc needs two components: a recognition of that a character messed up and clear signs of positive change. No good character redemption has neither of these and the reason so many sours for people is because they lack one or both elements and skip straight to the character "being better".

I think the coolest example of character redemption, as hinted in my talk about forgiveness, is Paul from the Bible. (Who'd you think I'd say?) We first hear of him under a different name approving the most famous martyrdom of Acts. When we next hear about him, he's killing Christians left and right. But after a literal divine encounter, he recognizes that what he did was wrong. He doesn't just stop killing Christians. He's attributed to writing more books of the Bible than anyone else. (I have to remind myself that people don't believe the Bible to be divinely inspired.)

I will make one word of caution. I don't think that a character can't be redeemed of even the harshest sins a person can commit. However, it's worth recognizing that good redemption isn't as glamourous as it's often made to seem. People will often take that to mean that redemption arcs ought to be painful for the person going through them. There’s an element in which breaking the bad habits and patterns one is accustomed to isn’t easy, but that’s not all I think it should mean.

It does mean the world doesn't open itself back open to released convicts. For many of them, their lives ended the instant they went back to jail, regardless of whether or not they leave better people. Even if they’re able to function in society again, it’s not going to be the same as before they committed their crime and before they were in jail.

To harken back to Endeavor, I doubt his family will ever fully forgive him for everything that he's done to them. They'll likely never be able to be a "normal family" because of how he's treated each of the members of his family. At the same time, I firmly believe he still should become a better person. That world needs as many good heroes as it can get.

To be continued...

[dorevenge]

where ignorance is bliss - chapter 7: about to billow

SUMMARY: Howard's research is stolen by an unknown group, and Maria reaches out to someone for help. [AO3 LINK]

CHAPTERS: 1 2 3 4 5 6 [7] 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 ☆

December 22, 1959 – Manhattan, New York City, Stark Manor

The house is littered with S.H.I.E.LD. agents when we arrive, dusting for fingerprints, hunting for footprints, desperately searching for any indication of who might have raided us. Howard goes straight to the office to try to write down a list of what might be missing and what S.H.I.E.LD. will need to look out for. The list is endless, and it’s a fruitless endeavor to try to recall everything he might have created in that mind of his. The agents won’t let me make tea in the kitchen, as there was an “active investigation” and I couldn’t “contaminate” so I sit idly by, helpless.

I wander over to the study where Howard and Peggy have been at it for hours, and when I arrive, the air is tense.

“Why would you even invent this? You’d think you’d have learned something after Leviathan.”

“Peg, I obviously didn’t know someone would steal something that isn’t even finished!” Howard returns Peggy’s stressed tone. “And in my own home.”

“The potential your reactor has, Howard, is irresponsible. The way you described it, if it’s unregulated… Maria.”

Howard relaxes at the sight of me and continues, his voice instantly calmer. “That’s why I haven’t released it. It’s gonna take years to perfect, decades even. A lifetime. If I create the arc reactor, it would be my highest achievement as a man. I want it perfect; I don’t want it tarnished by some dimwits trying to replicate it and ruining its potential.”

“It was your arc reactor plans that were stolen?” I ask Howard.

“Yeah. I’m starting something… Tentatively called the Unity Project.” Howard explains. “The Tesseract is this cube that creates insane amounts of energy, and we’re trying to figure out how to replicate that energy. The arc reactor is the key to our future – sustainable, unlimited energy – not relying on fossil fuels anymore.” He collapses in a nearby armchair. “But it’s not ready yet, and it could hurt people if it’s made before it is.”

I move over to his side. “I wish I could tell you some magical thing to make it all go away. What would we look for if these prototypes get made?”

“Neighborhoods would get leveled. Hundreds, even thousands, of people hurt as soon as it’s turned on.”

Peggy asks, “Do you remember what elements were in the plans? We could search for those, who’s buying them. tracking the isotopes. I can ask my people on the black market”

“I’ll add them to the list.” Howard slumps in his chair further. “I’ve been doing everything I can to stop the death toll in my wake, Peg, honest. I don’t want the Stark name to become a dirty one.”

“We’ll find the plans before anyone gets hurt. That’s what S.H.I.E.L.D. does,” Peggy assures us before leaving, taking Howard’s updated list with her.

Howard stands and pulls me into him, his nose buried in the side of my neck, his apologies blurring into sobs.

“It’s alright, dear,” I whisper, over and over, brushing his hair out of his face.

After a short while, once the shaking stops, he says, “I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never felt so hopeless.”

-

By the next day, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents had gotten everything they needed and were out of the house. It was just Howard and I again, picking up the pieces. I haven’t even been a wife for a month yet, and I feel like I’m failing. I make dinner, clean house, everything my mother did for my father, everything I was taught to, but it feels like I’m not doing enough. He sat in his study all day, no appetite, lifeless until I open the door, then he’d smile for me, but it’s not the same smile he had in Monaco, in Rome, in Vegas.

“Howard,” I say softly as I open the door.

“Hey, doll,” he responds, blueprints and sketches in front of him.

“Here’s the paper and some coffee. Please let me know if I can help at all.”

I set the tray down and walk into his open arms. Howard says, “Your pretty face helps more than you know. I’m sorry I’m distant, it’s just if anything happens, it’ll be because of me.”

The newspaper falls open as I pour him a cup of coffee, and the deadline reads, “Stane Int. Declares Bankruptcy, Bachelor Genius Down on His Luck.” I skim the article, the following lines catching my eye.

 “Mr. Obadiah Stane recently cut ties with Roxxon Oil Company after an internal scandal, kept hush-hush, regarding their unregulated weapons division. Last week, the New York Times reported on how half of Roxxon’s inventory went missing, and no theft was reported to the police department after the incident. The misplaced weapons were traced to shipping crates sent back and forth to Russia, and our sources say they were supplying Communists with weapons directly. The bad press must be why our dashing young Mr. Stane abandoned his contract with Roxxon, but without their funds, his pockets are empty and declaring Chapter 11. We reached out to the office of CEO and owner Giulietta Nefaria for Roxxon’s response, but we have not heard back from either party. Is this the end of the road for one of the greatest minds of the 50s?”

“Howard, dear, you said you’re not able to make this reactor on your own, right? What if you got help?”

He takes a deep drink of the coffee. “Who did you have in mind?” I hand him the paper and watch his dark eyes take in the article. “Obadiah Stane, your ex-fiancé. You think I should work with him?”

“He’s brilliant. And he’s down on his luck. You might need a mind like his in your corner.”

Howard continues reading. “Good morals, I suppose. I’ll meet with him, and if you vouch for him, why not give him a shot?” He stands, planting a kiss on the side of my face. “I have to go in to the office today, but I’ll have Jarvis give him a call and set something up.”

“Mr. Stane said no,” Edwin Jarvis, Howard’s nervous butler, says, hanging up the phone, looking somewhat disgruntled. “Quite rudely, too.”

“You called his office? And he answered from there?” I ask, and Edwin nods. “Take me there.”

“Take you to the Stane International offices?”

“Yes, please.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Obadiah sits alone in his office on the second floor, swallowed up by the darkness, no lights on in the whole building. He, for the first time, looks small, behind his giant desk, empty now except for a fountain pen and a bottle of whiskey. It’s half-gone, which surprises me; Obie was never much of a drinker, and when he imbibed it was the fruitier cocktails.

“I have an offer for you from Stark Industries.”

“Yeah, I know. Howard’s goddamn butler called me earlier. Probably saw the article and wants to rub my face in it, couldn’t do it himself.”

“That’s not true, Obadiah. Howard and I-”

He looks up at me, shooting daggers with his eyes. “Howard and you?” The light from the window illuminates the diamond on my hand, and I’m not quick enough to hide it. He laughs, a joyless laugh, to himself, shaking his head.

“You married him? You married this son of a bitch after leaving me? Do you remember how you left me? It was without a single word, Maria. You left my ring on my pillow and went off, and you married Howard fucking Stark? What did I do to deserve to always be second to him? He steals my inventions, he steals my investors, my spotlight, and now he steals the love of my life?”

“It’s not like that, Obie-”

“Don’t Obie me, Maria. Did he knock you up, like he’s done countless models and bimbos?”

“That’s not why I’m here.” I swallow hard, clinging to my pride. He ignores me and keeps going. I grip the envelope in my hand tighter.

“Are you happy? I hope you’re happy, and I hope the two of you drive each other off the road. I hope you produce his bastards, and I hope you drown with him. That man destroys everything he touches. And that’s what he’s doing to you, Maria. He’s destroying you, and because of his ring on your finger, the two of you will go down together.” He sits heavily back into his armchair.

“Are you finished with your tantrum?” I ask, refusing to cry. I will not let him see how he hurts me, I won’t.

“Just leave me alone, Maria. Just go.”

“Believe it or not,” I say, “I am here purely for business. I have a proposal for you.” I realize my poor choice of words before he makes a face at me at the word proposal.

“Of course he’d send you to do his business. Come to rub my defeat in my face, Mrs. Stark?” Obadiah spits his words out. “Laugh at my misery?”

“Not at all. Howard respects you as an inventor and a businessman. We both do. You took a risk, and it didn’t work out this time, but he wants to work with you,” I say.

He laughs half-heartedly. “I’m bankrupt. I’m worth no one’s respect.”

“I’m here with an offer from Stark Industries to purchase Stane International,” I say again. Obadiah looks at me skeptically as I continue. “The potential acquisition is outlined in great detail, I wrote it myself, including how the $220 million Stark Industries is offering would be dispensed to cover your debts and resume your research. Presently, Mr. Stark would like your attention on the Unity Project, his current focus on arc reactor technology and clean, sustainable energy, work directly with the Tesseract.” I hand him the packet of papers and step back. “I’ll leave the proposal with you, and we’ll await your response.”

“How much of this was your doing?” he asks, holding the papers in his hands but looking at me instead of them, still in disbelief.

“I always knew you would do great things, Obadiah. I think you deserve the chance to do them. If you think this is an offer out of pity or arrogance, you’re greatly mistaken. It took a fair bit of work to get Howard to realize he needs help, and the two of you will do great things together.” I lean towards the door again, anxious to leave his office.

“Maria,” Obadiah stands, the chair screeching below him, but he doesn’t approach me. He searches for words and can’t seem to find them. His breaks eye contact, looking down.

I leave the room, silent on the ride home with Edwin.

[nemossubmarine]

GM’s reflections on KoNS

So, my first solo-GM’d campaign, and my first DnD campaign is over. It took 9 months and ranked up to 21 sessions, which is quite a lot. It was definitely definitely far from perfect, but there were things that I liked, and things that I learned. I started putting this piece together around the time the third arc kicked off. It’s mostly comments on what I think I did wrong/did not work and what may have caused these issues, and what I can do differently. There’s a lot of comparisons to the DA game I play in / run, because that is my high standard, that is what I aspire to get to, which is of course not possible, since the system is different and players are different.

Anyway, I know my players follow me here, so a quick note to you, in case you’re planning on reading this (which I do not expect (recommend?) you to do). I just want to say that this is not me saying that any player played wrong, or was a cause of something that I didn’t like. At the end of the day I am the GM and the mistakes that led me being displeased with aspects of the game are my responsibility. These are my reflections on what I expect and want my games to be. It, of course, has to do with players, because there’s no game without players. Mostly players are mentioned in me thinking how I could encourage this and that sort of behavior etc. Anything said here is not meant to be a comment against you as a player or as an individual. I recommend not reading this, if you think you might take it personally. (not that I think there would be anything too upsetting in there, just covering all my bases)

Also if anyone who happens to read this (which I don’t expect anyone to do!), wants to discuss, I’d like to hear whether you agree/disagree/have had similar experiences. GM’ing is a lonely job, and I got more than my fair share of that with this adventure, so I might be too wrapped up in my own stuff to really know if something’s just a common GM-mishap.

The rest is under the cut, because, as usual for me it is long and rambly. As in almost 4k words. It’s more than a small essay, I could return this as a homework assignment, haha.

Maybe I should do some kind of sub-titles, to make this a bit more organized. Alright. Alright.

Session building In general, I am more used to writing story-lines in bulk, because I usually have several months in-between the adventures I run on the DA game. Compared, this was very fast-paced for the most part. I do think running KoNS made me better at improvising on the spot, because there was several sessions I had to run with the barest of outlines.

What I think would have been good to have was a bit more time to set up the world. I built it on the fly, and while I enjoyed the process immensely, I think it left the PCs detached from the world, because they didn’t know if stuff fell in line with the DnD norm or was I planning on something different entirely. I’ll talk a bit more about the fast and loose gamestyle’s effect on the plot in a future segment.

Anyway, one other thing that suffered was map making. I relied some on ready-made maps, but again, I get a mental image of a place, and no map really completely captures that. And it’s not like I made every single place I imagine into a map, because making maps on the computer by yourself is sloooow. I think that’s something I want to rectify for future games, having maps of most locations, so the players have something to look at. That will probably mean having to rely on maps other people made more, which, good, they’re better at it than I am, I should totally do that.

The very first adventure I ran had a thing that I’ve never used again, but I really think should pick back up. Those were short descriptive pieces of new locations I’d written beforehand. I have no trouble describing things off the top of my head, but if I want to go for a certain mood pre-written descriptions really help. So yeah, I definitely think some more attention could have been given to describing things.

I thought I would learn the books while I ran, because that’s how I learned to play/run DA game, but I kinda underestimated the fact that there’s a ton of books, and even when I tried to limit the books I allowed on the table, I still didn’t pick things up as fast as I hoped, which kinda lost me authority as a GM. It was difficult for me to find a comfort zone with the rules of the game in terms of what to throw out and what to keep. Running DA I’m usually very experimental, basically changing stuff every adventure. I never got there with DnD, perhaps because I didn’t have time to stop and think about the rules as the pace of the story was so quick.

There’s one more thing that fits under this section. We had some canceling trouble. Of course games have to be canceled for a lot of reasons, that happens, but by the end, every other (or even more) of the sessions planned were cancelled. It bummed me out, not gonna lie. It kinda pissed me off a lot too. I don’t ever want to be the kind of GM who people are afraid to tell that they can’t come and stuff like that, so I didn’t air it out on the players too much, but yeah. It blows. Trying to arrange six people’s schedules to match with you as the main organizer fucking sucks always, but there was other effects too. It made me feel that no one wanted to play my game, that people were losing interest. It broke the momentum of the plot. It cut off my thinking process; I don’t write everything down, because I like to toy around with ideas in my head that I’m not so sure about, but if there’s a 3 week gap between sessions? I can’t do that.

It was especially bad with the final session, where I had prepared for the final battle very extensively (going as far as to have another person test it with me) only to have the session cancelled last minute and moved 3 weeks. And in that time, school had started, I was knee-deep in exam books and my other game had started, which I was also GM’ing for, I had no time nor desire to spend a lot of time going over the things I had decided three weeks prior, so a lot slipped my mind. So yeah, the finale definitely suffered for that, and that bummed me out more than anything. I’m not blaming any of the people who had to cancel, it was just, super-unfortunate in general.

I think there’s a quick fix to it though: breaking down the story in chunks (similar to our DA adventures) with breaks in between might help, so no one has to be free 21 weeks in a row. Another one is to agree that if only one player is missing (which I think in all cases except handful happened here) and especially if it’s a last-minute cancel to play something. Not main plot (unless all players are fine with it), but a side mission. I’ve understood they’re really common among RP groups, and while I didn’t get why people did that before running KoNS, I definitely get it now; it keeps the people who can attend in their characters, helps to keep the story and feel of the game in mind and most importantly doesn’t make your GM sad.

Combat Haha, battles, oh god damn.

DnD’s battle system always felt too complicated for me, too many variables. I developed an early dislike for it, which I really didn’t actively try to work around, until it came time time to actually design Yadira. There were maybe like 8 battles in the whole of KoNS, bounties non-withstanding, so I wasn’t very prepared to make a boss battle. It doesn’t help that I’m like, do everything on your own, don’t take stuff from books ever, so it was not like I could reskin something relatively similar as her. In the end, I think Yadira worked just fine, mostly thanks to the fact that I got to test run her before actual game.

Next time, well, next time I’m probably not running DnD, but I’ll actually learn the damn craft, I did it for DA, I can do it again. I’ll also want to have a discussion with the players about how much battling the players want to do. But, yeah, I’d want to actually work on that from the beginning, and not let myself get too scared to learn. I’m more of a story GM, but there’s a lot of cool stuff to be done with battles, and I want to keep that craft up.

Plot Considering the fact that when I started the necklaces had like, map-pieces to an ancient weapon or something like that, I’m surprised how well the plot actually came together. There was some stuff that got dropped that could have used more time and probably more than a few inconsistencies, but in the end, I did ok.

Although, I have a real villain problem. I am not very interested in cults or dragons or pure evil tyrants, which leaves me with unfathomable forces that don’t care about your existence. Which, fair enough. They did need some building up. For the most part our heroes were concerned with Sweepers, the pan-dimensional clean-up crew, which I made way too gnarly-looking for their super-neutral outlook, because they didn’t know that the real “villain” was Ishran the sun god and Yadira, the former Raven Queen. I think Ishran-in-Adam  and Ishran-outside-Adam needed a lot more building up than the few sesisons they got, although, considering how short the story was, I guess I did ok. But yeah. Next time, I need to work on build-up of villains a bit more.

This might be more relevant to the NPC section, but as I’m mostly going to focus there on NPC-PC relations, I’m going to put it here. I was quite sad about the fact that by the time end game rolled around none of the female characters I had established had really big roles anymore. It had to do with the fact that I had introduced them really early (such as Mairin and Joan) and as they were working with the PCs, they couldn’t have information that could help solve the puzzle, as there was no reason why they wouldn’t have given it out. Now that I know that I hopefully have a bit easier time putting out a balanced end game crew. And maybe in general building NPCs who are relevant in the story throughout.

In general, I think the story might have been a bit too fast-paced and contained way way too many NPCs (or didn’t have a clear focus on only a few, leaving the rest as backdrop). As I said, I’m more used to writing pieces of stories that last about 4 to 7 sessions. In KoNS most plot points lasted only one. Some of my players commented that they liked the fast-pacedness, which is fair enough. I wonder if perhaps I would find it easier if there wasn’t as much changing scenery, or more returning to old scenery?

There were a moment where I think I started coddling the players a bit regarding the plot information. When they didn’t ask for information from an NPC, I just gave it to them, but that just re-enforces them not asking questions, and also, they’ll be much more interested in the answers, when they are the people who actually asked. And I was very hesitant for punishing PCs for lackluster information gathering, and I shouldn’t, because it shouldn’t be me hitting them with a stick, because they didn’t play the way I wanted to, it should be a plot point and a learning moment and natural consequences. Speaking of consequences, wow, those are way harder to set up when you’re writing on the run, and don’t have to wait a year between adventures.

There was one point where I kinda slipped with the plot. I wasn’t aware enough whether it could hold a new player added in the middle. And I don’t think it did. I felt bad for the new PC a lot of the time, because the story simply didn’t bend to give him a chance to get the same stuff the others did, and I struggled to include him naturally and let him have moments as a character. For example, the necklaces; from a quick glance it would make sense to add a fifth player, because there were five necklaces, but there was no good way for me to hand the necklace over, because I needed to get to the third act and I needed to give the necklace to Alexis for that to happen. Compare this to when for example Alf was added to our DA RP. I wrote that adventure, and it was rather easy to slip him in, give him a plot relevant (for that adventure) place and make PCs work with him, and later adopt him into the party. But the difference was that, though there are some themes that carry over from adventure to adventure and some honest to god plotline in our DA RP, a main plot only lasts for the adventure, and there’s not an end goal in mind.

And yeah, maybe that tells that I’m not good enough as a storyteller and as a GM, that I have way too much pride in the story that I don’t allow the characters really to change it (more on this later), but it wasn’t a free-roam campaign, it was a story-campaign, and that’s where the trouble ended and began. I think for future, I will not allow new players to enter once the story is on the move, unless I feel that an addition is necessary for a story reason (we can talk endlessly about how (un)balanced our party was,  but that’s not my concern, tbh). And that’s a call I want to reserve an only right to make as the GM. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, I would just need to be upfront about it to players before starting.

(slightly tangential: trying to make/making strict rules as a GM really makes me feel like an asshole. I’ve never had to make that kind of calls in DA RP, except for people using cell phones. I think it’s just a matter of, I know my DA RP group’s playstyle, because we evolved it together, so it is my playstyle as well. Setting rules shouldn’t make me feel like an asshole, because it’s simply clearing up expectations that might be different from player to player? Anyway, I’ll still feel like an ass :P)

Gameplay: PCs, NPCs, Playing and Roleplaying This is a huge topic but a lot of it sorta ties together, so I’m gonna work with this title. I’ll bring up few small points first, and then move on to bigger topics.

I felt I had a lot of problem giving people things to do, moments to shine in based on their class. For example, we had a paladin in our group. I have real trouble wrapping my mind around stuff like evil alignments (see above my discussion about the way I do villains), so spells like “Detect Good and Evil” found little use. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that in DnD class defines you much more than I ever think it did in my DA group. I don’t think Cahair as rogue of the group, and not only because he is one of three, he is defined as the Dalish elf of the group, and his storylines follow accordingly. I never did that to the players based on their class. I think that’s where I really misunderstood DnD.

Speaking of underutilized parts of PC: Animals. I admit, having animals has never really worked seamlessly in any game I’ve played in (Alf has animals in DA RP and Randy has a dog, and we kinda forget them half of the time :D). Ofc it’s player’s responsibility to remember to bring their animal, but I still think I could have given some places to use them. Namely our Paladin’s horse. A lot of stuff happened indoors, most traveling was skipped and when they did travel, it was places where horses really didn’t work. Woops. I did make the ranger’s animal a plot point, maybe 1/3rd of a plot point really. I explained his origins, but it never became really too relevant. More of a time question than anything, I think.

I suck at rewarding my peeps, no ifs no buts. I gave them money, but not really anything to use money on. I threw some magic items at them, bc idk I thought that was what you are supposed to do. I don’t know how much of this has to do with how I play Cahair. I actively work on him having as little money as I possibly can (sharing the extra amount of pay he gets from being an officer with the people he works with, for example), and we are not big on throwing magic items around. Everyone got something after the Nightmare campaign, and even then I didn’t get anything that actually helped, just something that explained in game stuff he could already mechanically do (I did get climbing gloves after the pirate campaign, but that’s about it). That said, I don’t know how much it actually bothered my players, I just know that you’re supposed to fling treasure at your players in DnD, or whatever. I did like the music box Adam gave to Jeff, but like, that was bc there was an actual connection there, so it was kinda meaningful.

Maybe it’s time to talk about connections. There were several NPCs given to me by the players relating to their character. Playing them was always super-stressful, and I think I sometimes read them wrong, started taking them to unexpected direction. Of course throwing players out of the loop about people their characters are supposed to know can be a lot of fun, but if it stops matching the picture players have in their head, well. It’s a thin line to walk on (most notably, Elpidios’ plotline was very stressful, bc I wasn’t sure if it could be resolved).

In my DA game, the PCs are incredibly close. We have a lot of discussion just among those characters, and I, when I GM, try to encourage that to the best of my ability. I never really felt that the PCs here made such a strong connection. There’s several reasons: the fast-paced story that didn’t allow them to stop and get to know each other that closely, the fact that they were sort of thrust together by the plot and they didn’t choose to go on an adventure together and the fact that they were all pretty good guys with similar opinions on things, so no conflict arose.

The lack of conflict among the PCs is a curious thing. It most definitely has to do with the unfocused world-building. In our DA group, we’ve had conflicts over Humbert wanting to put Elspet and Boshara back to the Circle for their own safety. Alf and Cahair bonded over people, both PCs and NPCs, being gross about elves. No such thing existed in my universe. I consciously avoided writing in racism/sexism/homophobia as huge issues in the world, but that left the world devoid of issues. There were the drow and the elven civil war, but it touched really only one of our heroes.

There also, of course, can be personality conflict, and that is an extremely thin line to walk on. I don’t want no asshole chaotic neutrals stealing from the group, or someone bullying the lawful good guy for being, well, good. But some conflicts might have brought people together. That’s definitely a much more touchy subject though, even in our DA group, where I feel frequently displeased that I cannot bring up Cahair’s boyfriend without having a PC who hates him comment on it, or me being worried that since we all tease Humbert, our templar, that the player might feel unwanted.

I definitely definitely do not want to insert conflict where there is none. It should be natural conflict or no conflict. That would have probably come more naturally if our heroes had time to get to know each other and chatter.

Another fact that made me think that I might not have been as encouraging with roleplaying as I want to be, is the PC’s relationships with NPCs. One note on NPCs in general, again, there was way way more of them than necessary, but yeah, relationships. There were some I really enjoyed, namely Adam’s and Jeff’s and Dophina’s and Prince Floyd’s, but again there was not much time to evolve PC-NPC relationships a lot. I did offer chances, which Jeff’s player took a lot in the third act, because the player knows me and my GM’ing style.

There was that first session of the 3rd arc, where I asked PCs to pick someone to talk to. I had done a similar session with the DA crew in Antiva, and it had worked marvelously. In KoNS it didn’t work out as well. I think the biggest problem was that the conversations were different. In the Antiva campaign, each scene we played had an end goal (Humbert wanted to ask Alf for more deciding power in the ship / Boshara wanted to know why Cahair was so upset with her), while a lot of the scenes in the KoNS version were chatting with no particular goal. This leaves a huge pressure of preparation on the player, and I should have been in those cases more attentive in asking the players what they wanted out of the conversations. I’m not saying it was all horrible, but a lot of the conversations kinda sizzled out. There were two conversations that worked out really well. One was between Lir and Lutharin, but that had been a conversation I had wanted to have, to set up Lutharin’s understanding of the differences between surface elves and the drow, I was prepared for the conversation. The other one was between Jeff and Adam, but that was where Jeff’s player had prepared well with what he wanted to discuss (again, he knows me, he was present in Antiva session as well).

I also think it might be unusual and for some a bit awkward, to have a one-on-one conversation between PC and NPC (or two PCs) in front of everyone else. I’ve certainly done those things in secret, because the things I’ve shared with the PC have been plot-relevant. But I think there’s a lot of merit to having non-plot-relevant conversations in front of others. For one, it’s interesting. Second thing, those kind of conversations are gold mines for character development, and if that development happens off-screen for the others, it might be difficult to bring to the table. But maybe that’s just me.

(And I’m not saying I wasn’t awkward playing NPCs at all, mind you. NPCs relating to PCs were always a bit awkward, as were most of the gods, and basically anyone else I hadn’t a clear picture on, which just goes to show I need to limit the number of NPCs)

Anyway, maybe I just didn’t give a clear enough permission to do this sort of thing? I remember feeling very awkward about playing Cahair in the first campaign of our DA game, bc it was a highly emotional story for him, and not for the others, so I felt a little over-the-top at times. And not even a little. But, I told the GM that it might be fun to bring back Harralan, the villain of the first adventure, and Cahair’s first love. Well, she did, on the third adventure, giving my character a chance to have a conversation with him he never got to have in the first adventure. I felt it was a sort of permission for me to roleplay to my heart’s content, and it definitely helped with the awkwardness. I guess we never had a moment like that?

It of course wouldn’t have worked for everyone, and not everyone has to enjoy this kind of stuff. But I enjoy it, and would have liked more. I think Adam’s and Jeff’s third act relationship-growth was really good. I just wished relationships like that were present for everyone throughout the story. Of course, the NPCs kept changing session to session, so that would have been difficult.

Closing thoughts There are a lot of complaining in this piece, because that’s what this piece is about. At the end of the day I still really loved running the game, loved my players and I am proud of the story we build together. I think this is a good place to start working towards better games and better stories. I will take a break from DnD, but when I eventually return to it, I’ll be smarter for having run KoNS.

And that’s it for the most part. I’m gonna go snooze now forever, since I’ve been doing more than enough GM’ing for a while. Except I’m still running an adventure in DA RP, ah well. But yeah, I’m planning on partaking in NaNo, so I don’t have plans on running another long game any time soon.

[lj-writes]

The Poe Dameron comics: Two ways to live together

I have read my share of comics in the new Star Wars canon and the Poe Dameron series is hands down the best of the lot. It’s some of the best comics I have read in years with great art, effective use of imaginative settings, fun action, and a story that keeps humor and hope despite grim events.

In this post I would like to me focus on the theme of the comics, especially as brought out by the conflict between Poe and his antagonist Agent Terex.

Theme is a word that sends many writers diving for cover, and with reason: it is boring and preachy when done wrong. The Poe Dameron series, however, stands out in handling theme exactly right, through a gripping conflict and the structure of the story.

This is because Poe and Terex embody two opposing ideas of how people should live together and form societies: Poe’s philosophy is based on respect and trust, Terex’s on fear and violence. Their choices and actions reflect these philosophies at every turn, letting the story explore what these abstract ideas mean and how they play out in the world of the fiction.

(Spoilers below the cut for Poe Dameron Volumes 1-2, or Issues #1-#13)

In this corner you have Poe Dameron, who is from the first issue onward absolutely committed to deescalating a tense situation and winning people’s trust. In his first mission in the comics visiting an insular and rather jumpy religious group, Poe not only refuses to draw his firearm after being shot at, he throws down a gun he took away from an attacker in self-defense. This is while people who are willing to kill him have multiple guns pointed at him.

[Image description: The leader of the religious group asks Poe, “I don’t understand. Who... who has been tracking you?” Poe answers, “The kind of people who’d boil up that egg and eat it for breakfast.” Members of the group are aiming blasters at Poe.]

[Image description: Continued from the previous panel, Poe discards the firearm he was holding, saying, “People who are nothing like me.” (Emphasis in original)]

And then you get the bad guy on the scene, Agent Terex, an information officer of the First Order. He immediately threatens the religious group and the sacred artifact they were protecting. Terex even picks up Poe’s earlier joke about eating the egg for breakfast, which creates an amusing parallel given that he wasn’t even there for Poe’s joke. However opposed these two may be, at least we know they share a terrible sense of humor.

[Image description: Terex smiles as he says, “...My men will get to enjoy the Galaxy’s largest omelet.”]

The above by itself may seem like standard bad guy fare. What’s interesting, though, is that Terex assumes that Poe is as self-interested and ruthless as Terex himself is: That Poe is only protecting the religious group and getting on their good side to get the information he needs out of them.

This, of course, is clearly projection on Terex’s part, not Poe’s actual motivation, since Poe could have done what Terex was doing and threatened these people. Instead he went out of his way and risked his life to make himself unthreatening and gain their trust.

We see further contrasts not only in the way Poe and Terex each deal with outsiders, but with their own team. Poe relies absolutely on his team’s abilities, while double-crossing and murder are pretty much the standard in Terex’s dealings with his peers and subordinates.

Poe’s trust in Black Squadron’s judgment is clear from the very first arc with the egg-worshippers when, trapped in a desperate situation, he simply tells his squadron to get him some leverage. This is because he doesn’t know the tactical situation outside and has full faith that his teammates will accurately assess the situation and make the right call. As L’ulo remarks, Poe would rather trust his team than give a bad order.

This trust extends not only to the organic members of his squadron but also the droids. In the second mission of the comics, which involved retrieving information from a Hutt locked in a super-high-security prison, Poe's plan essentially leaves the mission’s success and his team’s lives in the hands of Black Squadron’s astromech droids. The comic shows us  that this this leap of faith is not easy using the reaction of Jessika Pava, who is tense and unhappy at having to wait without doing anything.

[Image description: Poe asks “Um... is everything all right, Jess?” and Jessika Pava replies, “I don’t have any weapons, and I don’t have a ship, and I know it’s part of the plan... but this is not how I like to operate, Dameron. If I just have to sit here and wait... that means I’m not... I’m not...”]

Despite the fact that a pilot under his command is voicing discontent with his plan, Poe reacts not by dismissing her concern but rather by validating and emphasizing with her.

[Image description: A close-up of Poe as he says, finishing Jessika’s sentence, “You aren’t in control. Your fate’s out of your hands. I know. I get it, Jess, and I’m sorry I’m putting you through this. I promise, I’ll get you back in action before you-”]

This is what I mean by the importance of not preaching theme but bringing it out in the conflict. To drive the theme home the writing could have had Poe lecture Jess about the importance of trust and how their droids are entirely competent and deserving of their faith.

Such a speech would have been boring and patronizing to both Jessika and the reader, however. In this case it would also have undermined Poe’s entire characterization by making Poe a pompous blowhard instead of an empathetic guy who cares about people.

Instead, the story has Poe acknowledge Jessika’s feelings and the fact that he has asked her to do a difficult thing. This not only shows the reader the kind of person Poe is but also enhances the theme by emphasizing that full trust is an active and sometimes a difficult choice, for Poe as well as for Jess.

Terex, in contrast, not only spends the same story arc double- and triple-crossing everyone he makes a deal with, at the climax he attempts to slaughter the entire prison. In the later story arcs  Terex is further shown, both in flashback scenes and in the present, ruthlessly backstabbing and killing every single person he works with who crosses him.

The part where Terex attempts to kill the entire prison population is another interesting moment because he’s counting on Poe coming back to stop him, showing his awareness of what makes Poe Dameron tick and the contrasts between them. Where Terex sees people as fair game to hurt and kill for his own ends as long as he can get away with it, while Poe sees them as vaulable in themselves no matter who they are.

Poe came back to save the prisoners just as Terex foresaw, of course, prisoners who included some of the most dangerous criminals in the galaxy. Poe’s commitment to the value of each individual is so absolute that in a later issue he even goes back to save a droid, C-3PO, to the astonishment of his enemies.

The difference in how Poe and Terex relate to people shows in even small things, like how they deal with titles. Here’s Poe, not wanting C-3PO to call him “Master:”

[Image description: Poe tells C-3PO, “You were directly involved in bringing down the Epmire. You and Artoo. So I don’t know why you’re calling me master. Why you call anyone master. Seems like people should call you that.”

3PO replies, “Why... I... I don’t know, sir. Programming, I suppose. All droids must do as they are programmed.”]

Terex on the other hand says from his first meeting with Poe that titles are important and insists that he be called “Agent Terex.” It’s easy to tell this isn’t a matter of principle but of domination, though, as he pointedly calls Poe by name without a title. And then there’s this part:

[Image Description: Terex announces from the Carrion Spike, “This is Lord Terex. I have returned.” BB-8 responds with WTF? “Breet?” and Poe says, “I know, right? Lord Terex? Guy’s pretty improssed with himself.”]

The contrasts and parallels between Poe and Terex also appear in the way they go into personal crises at the same point in the story. For Poe it is the realization that there is a mole in Black Squadron working for Terex. For Terex it is self-doubt from his continuing losses to Poe.

It’s telling that Poe’s greatest inner turmoil is not about facing down a dangerous opponent like Terex but having to question Black Squadron. The trust in his team which is so essential to who he is as a person is threatened, and that bothers him more than constant threats to his life.

[Image description: Poe kicks a training pad, saying, “These people are my friends. My family. And now Terex has me thinking about them like criminals.”]

It is fitting, as Poe’s antagonist and foil, that Terex is also in a personal crisis at this time. This is also the part where we delve into Terex’s back story: A former Stormtrooper in the Empire, he was there to see the Empire’s final hopes die in the Battle of Jakku. He escaped the battle, and Jakku, alive with his colleague Corlac. Seeing promise in Terex and devotion to the cause of the lost Empire, Corlac talked Terex into working together to repair a fleet of ships that, Corlac promised, would restore the Empire.

While working on the repairs Terex learned that Corlac and the people Corlac brought in had no interest in the Empire and were just using his access codes and talents to profit off the ships, and (surprise!) killed them all. He then became a major crime lord, becoming known as the aforementioned “Lord Terex” on the crime-ridden Outer Rim planet Kaddak. He describes his epiphany this way:

[Image description: Left-hand panel with Terex saying, “The Empire fell. With it fell order. With it fell law. They’re never coming back. It’s taken me a while to   realize that--I think I was grieving.”

Right-hand panel with Terex saying: “I’ve accepted it now. I know what it means.”]

[Image description: Terex’s line, “I can do anything I want,” is imposed over a later scene of him watching while his minions do his bidding to cause violence and mayhem.]

Decades into his successful criminal career Terex found out about the First Order through recovered Stormtrooper armor and, still unable to relinquish his dreams of the Empire, offered his services. With his recent losses to Poe Dameron, however, he perceived a growing gap between his methods and the First Order’s and sought to return to his criminal roots, throwing off the First Order’s restrictions.

Terex may have believed he turned to a life of crime because the Empire fell, and that his identity as a criminal was at odds with being a First Order agent. I don’t buy that, though. There was a reason he clung to the Empire’s ideals in the first place, and that was because they fit his personal ideals. Serving the Empire may have shaped his personality and outlooks, but whether the chicken or the egg was first, Terex’s worldview was that of the Empire: To quote Thucydides, the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.

So how did their different approaches work out for Poe and Terex? They both have their share of hurdles, but as of the end of Volume 2 Poe is definitely coming out ahead despite serious setbacks and losses. As discussed above, he overcame Terex by gaining and giving trust with strangers and teammates alike. Where even his considerable individual strengths might not have been enough, his team and allies made up the difference and swung the odds in his favor.

I believe this approach worked even on Oddy Muva, who was coerced into betraying Black Squadron and the Resistance. I think Oddy responded to the respect and friendship Poe treated him with, and this was one of the reasons he took such tremendous risks to rescue his wife and free himself of Terex’s coercion. 

Terex, on the other hand, not only lost every engagement with Poe in large part due to his backstabbing ways, he even lost the support of the First Order by treating its officers with complete contempt and disregarding their orders. He made a common mistake of those who believe might makes right: He forgot that he’s not the toughest guy in the room.

To conclude, Poe and Terex are not just two very different men and enemies with opposing philosophies. They are also embodiments of the kinds of societies they aspire to, one based on mutual trust and consent between beings who have inherent value, and the other based on the absolute rule of the strong over the weak. The story of their enmity is a story of opposing political philosophies as well as one of military action and intrigue.

Poe will continue to grapple with the question of how people live and work together in a free society, especially in the face of an existential threat to freedom itself. He will have to balance his instinct to trust his people with the grim reality of war. Whatever Terex’s role in the ongoing series, his conflicts and contrasts with Poe helped bring out the recurring motifs in Poe’s story and that makes Terex a great antagonist. Their fight, like the larger struggle between the Resistance and the First Order, is a fight for the soul of a galaxy far, far away.

[sparda3g]

Kingdom Chapter 607 Review

Ousen is the one character that I can declare as someone who won me over completely, and didn’t need to fight to make it so. Sure, there are likeable characters that don’t have combat skills, but since Ousen can fight and has yet to raise his weapon, it’s astonishing. All of his actions not only scream a worthy Supreme Commander title, but so as Great General. This chapter only intensified that claim and more. Forget him as a monster; he’s the devil.

The last chapter mind blown everyone in the field. It was so amazing, even Earl Rai can’t help but compliment Ousen and his outrageous tactic. Carry over from the last chapter’s theme, Ousen can see the origin, but Earl Rai cannot. That proves how Ousen is above their level. Earl Rai even forcefully refused to believe that he can be better than Riboku. He’s like a dedicated fan of one series that tries to deny that another series is better. The page with Ousen Army is oozing with greatness. I can admire it all day.

Ousen doesn’t stop to amaze me. Despite the fact he has the total advantage point, he still give commands that doesn’t make sense to his men. All of his commands are seen “idiotic,” but the executions deploy great result. What speaks high volume to me is how Ousen commands his men to go to where Denrimi Army is at; risking the chance of enemy wiping them out. But he didn’t see it like that. Instead, he sees as saving the hassle and an opportunity to deal with them all in one fell swoop. That shows sheer confidence, boldness, and unfazed by any negative outcome. That’s a true Supreme Commander.

Once again, Ousen has mind blown everyone and by this point, I’m just flabbergasted how many more surprises he can dish out. The narrator takes over, describing the mood swing from everyone. Not a single one could have predicted; completely dumbfounded. That’s Ousen in a nutshell: a man that will always leave you feeling stupid. The narrator does a good job at leading you to understand the significant of this bizarre action. Sou’Ou takes action without any command. It’s as if Ousen made a signal that reads, “Your move,” like he’s baiting him. I can only guess based on his “Fu” reaction.

The tactic, again, is so bizarre, it even has Futei lost with words on what the hell is going on. But that’s okay for us fans, because we can now point and laugh at him for being a fool. Rightfully deserved. Riboku is gasping at Ousen’s “gamble” because he knows well enough that it is not. When a smart guy sees something only with high intellect can see, they are not dealing with an average Commander.

It’s smart to use Riboku as the guy to elaborate the astonishment. Everyone would think this is chaos, but for Ousen, it’s only Tuesday. He’s very calmed and unfazed by the possible danger as he commands everyone to form up. It’s rather incredible how he went from something out of nowhere to something everyone in his army knows all too well, hence his men begin to form without a second thought. That’s serious talent. Going back to Riboku, his eyes can see what was really happening, amazed by the end result. Somehow, Ousen made the Great Red Crane Formation in the midst of chaos. Stunning. But that’s not the end of it.

I thought I would be numb to Ousen’s surprise by now, but he just keeps on delivering. Although the formation is something his men know, he has something else in mind. Instead of getting to his position, he walks off and stand in the middle of an open field. Thank God, there’s no rifle, but there’s a bow and arrow. What are the chances that no one will think of shooting? It’s jarring yet badass of him to stand there. I like how someone thinks he’s a fake; can you blame him? As crazy this has gotten, which says a lot, the follow-up does lead to amazing hype status. It begins with Riboku entering the field.

Basically, Ousen called for Riboku to come over there, and Riboku responded his demand. I honestly have no clue what’s about to happen, but I was mesmerized by the scenery. The chilling atmosphere is deeply felt; like forgetting how to breathe. The two leaders finally meet face-to-face. They’re only going for a conversation, but that alone is jarring. It’s eye-absorbing and highly intriguing.

Riboku goes off first. His words can be summarized as attempted threat, even if what he said is what he truly feels. He has the courtesy to give Ousen a chance to surrender and his men will live. Ousen takes it as a joke; quickly intensifying. While Zhao has its great disadvantage with Gyou, Riboku is confidence that their history will not fade away. This really give me a good feeling that this arc is truly the final days of Zhao. I don’t know history, so I’m only going by assumption. Regardless, the amount of tension is high with this declaration. We are truly in the endgame now.

Ousen’s words however can be summarized as bone-chilling. It’s not even his appearance that scares me; it is how his words send shivering feeling. Zhao may have 160 years of history, but to Ousen, it doesn’t matter. All it takes is a pack of imbeciles to bring the state to its knee. Wow, that got me chills. What struck me is how he knows very well that Zhao King is a pathetic piece of crap that wouldn’t send the armies of Kantan. If he did, Ousen wouldn’t have a chance. That’s going to bite that douche really hard and I’m going to enjoy it every second of it. How much it could have been avoided.

All Zhao’s hopes rely on Riboku. Once he falls, Zhao is done. Ousen is a God compare to Riboku. I mean I credited him a lot for his past days, but Ousen is beginning to look unmatched. One last time, Ousen brings another surprise, and possibly the final ultimatum. Instead of asking Riboku to surrender or fight, he ask him to join his army. Not only the man or the devil, is crazy to ask a foe to join him, but the amount of confidence that he will win is unfathomable. My brain can’t register anymore. He’s breathtaking. Will Riboku take it? I doubt it, but hell, at this point, I would.

The chapter was designed to build the hype for the grand finale and it very well exceeded. Ousen is the force to be reckoned with, and one that it’s okay if you submit. His tactics were incredible in more ways than one. The standoff at the end was sheer hype inducing; setting up for an amazing climatic end. I have been hyped many times before, but this one really got me amped. Unfortunately, there’s a break next time. When it returns, you can bet “Hoh” will continue to intensify.

[heroesoftherepublic-blog]

Wolf and Bull

A horse gently cantered alongside the ill-treated road, guided by the ankles of a skilled rider. Sad fields surrounded man and beast, silent witnesses to the double scourge of war and depopulation. These were the forsaken bones of the Bull, were not even Wolves prowled.

Nothing green or golden was allowed to rest in the soil; harvested to the brown and sent to the front. After the grain, it was the turn for Men to depart the land, every single capable fighter needed against the Gaulish Terror.  Stopping for a moment to adjust his wide brim pastoral hat, the knight wondered how many of these auxillii would return home and whom would greet them back upon their arrival; unsung were those that felt at the homestead front, giving up their lives alongside winter supplies. All to keep the troops fighting a few more days.

Thanks to his mount’s devotion, the rider quickly found himself surrounded by different fields. These have not been abandoned due to war nor lost their farmers to the needs of conflict; everywhere were the signs of neglect, out of season crops rotting away, marks on the soil of inadequate tools, brittle soil eroded by years of careless irrigation. Incompetence ruined these lands. Who were these people, these miserable stewards?

Seeking to learn more about them, the knight forced his horse to halt and dismounted. He toyed with the lance in his saddlebags, fingers dancing along the shaft as he surveyed the bleak horizons. Trusting Fortuna and the other Gods, the rider cleared the dust off his simple and worn tunic before leaning over the trails crossing the region.

Rabbit droppings, no wheel marks or footprints, all made a distressing sight. Not even the tell-tale sign of wandering sheep or adventurous goats. Whoever lived here seemed to have given up, dropping any attempts to tend the land or learn its mysteries. “It seems they found the land frigid towards the caresses of their thumbs.” The knight concluded. “Where they expecting it to be more welcoming of human seed? Such a disharmonious marriage of spirits, I dread to think about the children of such union.”

His contemplations were interrupted by the whinnying of his horse, the beast complaining as it tore the ground with its muzzle, finding only frail and dry grass.

“Patience.” The man whispered as he caressed its mane. “There is nothing here for you, there is nothing here for anyone.”

The horse mood was not amenable and it was quick to resume complaining. The man rose and lined his left hand with his eyes, scanning his surroundings. A haunting spectral melody announced someone’s approach; it was simple, repetitive and lacking in creativity. The same notes, locked in chains.

Calming the beast by softly slapping its back, the rider took reins and guided it, walking side by side in an apparently relaxed march. The musician made itself known, a balding tall man that blew a pan flute, escorted by two companions: one starving youth and another old and wasting away. Their curious bucolic looks stood out against the worn bits of armour that dangled over their torn clothes and dirty bodies; scythes and rakes beaten and whet into nasty improvised weapons advertised their change of lifestyle.

The dismounted knight lowered the brim of his hat, covering his face in shadows, continuing ahead without breaking pace. As the trio approached, the fear felt by the horse became almost palpable. The three men stopped in front of them, blocking their path. The rider’s breath slowed down, reduced to few thoughtful and resolute breaths, his facial muscles relaxed with stoic serenity, his posture attentive to any attempt to surround him.

“Salve.” The youngest greeted. “That is a nice horse you have there. What brings you here, to these Ceres-forsaken lands?”

The horse whinnied once again, demanding to be appeased with more caresses. It was with delight that the trio studied the knight as he tended to the beast, eyes wandering over the blood-soaked bandages that covered most of his chest and left arm.

“Salve.” The rider finally acknowledged the greeting, his tone calm and confident. “I fear that my purpose here matters only to me and my master.”

The old man frowned as the flautist continued to study the knight.

“A slave? With such bearing? It really pisses me off.”

Silence.

“If there is one thing I cannot stand is lack of respect. Do you think you are better than us, slave? Just because your master is rich and pampers you with a horse? We are just like him free men, are we not owned the same degree of deference?”

The knight exhaled exasperated, showing a chink in his armour of dignity.

“Are we boring you, slave?”

“The one I serve has no equal in this world. I bring her message to the stewards of Italia and its people.”

“Do we not inhabit these lands?” The old man enquired, rhetorically. “Are we not its stewards? Perhaps that message is meant to us. Have you considered that?”

The slave turned his head slightly around, as if replying by pointing out to the sorry state of the fields.

“You cannot hold this against us! This land rejects us like an unbroken horse or wife. There is more salt than water in the soil and the little nurturing patches are quickly consumed by savage thorns and grasses that poison any man or beast that tries to eat them. Not even goats are willing to call this place home.”

This made the knight ponder, raising chin and hat, revealing his youth and the scars that blemished his clean-shaven face.

“I am sorry to hear that. However…”

“However, nothing. Give us your horse and clothing, slave, as well as anything else you might be hiding on those saddlebags.” The youngest interloper interrupted, running out of patience. “This should be a lesson for your master, for not sending a proper escort and not disciplining his slaves. Remember who bleed and sweat to keep you fat and safe! If you are fast dropping to your knees and beg for forgiveness, I may feel generous enough to bring your message to the closest municipium.”

While the other talked, the rider jumped into action, spinning over himself and shocking the trio. They waved their weapons at the air, trying to stop him; efforts soon rendered futile as the rider made his spear jump, parrying attacks as he guided the head with his wounded hand. A ferrous scent filled their nostrils.

Pine and steel described a dreadful arc, forcing the trio to separate from each other, trying to flank the slave and exploit his blind spots. It was easier said than done, the shaft spinning at high speed between his two hands, rotating in such angles that tricked the eye, seeming to disappear for precious seconds only the reappear in the offense. The older attacker had more experience than his two companions, able to deal tricky rake strikes that never failed to connect with the spear, forcing the rider to slow down and progressively wearing him down, hoping to create an opening.

Having identified the most dangerous of his opponents, the slave struck the horse, making it rise on its hind legs, waving the hooves towards the trio. Fully exploiting the well-needed moment of distraction, the knight darted towards the flautist, unleashing a torrent of blows; he tried to keep him at bay by flaying the scythe in panicked fury, rending his tunic but failing to meet flesh.

The slave was more efficient, each blow costly, ending by impaling the spear in the flautist’s leg. As he howled in pain, a knife was smuggled from out of his clothes and buried across the throat of the unfortunate musician.

Assuming that the knight had lowered his guard, the youngest attacker rushed to stab at his back. A surprisingly fast turn and knife throw quickly made him regret his choice, forcing him to retreat with a painful present right between the kidneys.

The rider could feel the blood rushing though his vein, marching at the command of his rising heartbeat, the breathing harsh and pained. It was not enough to let him run away; this had to finish now.

He whistled, his horse answered the summons, knight mounting with a jump and forcing gallop with ankle nudges. Arm raised, spear aligned, the slave narrowed his eyes, feeling the impulse and balance. The youth turned back, face twisted in terror as he realized what was about to happen.

A wet thud as the spear tip met skull, projecting the poor assailant one meter or so. The slave drove by, not looking back.

Only the old man remained.

Gazes meeting, they took a measure of each other. Slave dismounted; the veteran assumed a defensive posture. The slave shrugged, recovered the spear with a pull. The old man kept his distance, trying to keep him away with the rake. The slave just threw his spear with inhuman strength, pinning the old man against the ground.

Horse following behind him, the slave knight approach the wounded veteran. It was funny as the short distanced seemed to stretch, space twisted into a scarlet and brown infinite, adrenaline fading and leaving him all too conscious of his actions, of the bitter fruits of his excess of zeal and brutality.

And for a moment he was lost. No longer in the lands of the Bull. Back in the Wolf’s den.

Working in a cold and humid cell, the light barely enough for the tasks at and. And the woman; tall as no other. Black, golden and scarlet. Offering him a hand entwined with rope and leather. A hand and a smile.

“I am beyond impressed. Even after all that happened, you found a way to continue serving the Republic.” She told him, her Latin unpolished and full of plebeian quirks. Even so, her words still ringed sweeter than those of any patrician. “The world has moved ahead without you, Sextus. Nobody expects anything from you, nobody expects you to give anything else for the Senate and People. You already gave your everything. You could have let the waters of Lethe taken you, enjoyed the right to be forgotten. But it is no comfort, is it? No, it torments you. You cannot stand not being relied on. You need to be needed.”

Her eyes wander towards the pile of documents that the slave still had to audit before dawn. It was civic service, even if it was a subtle and unglamorous one.

“I will not insult you by offering you freedom.” The woman cloaked in red continued. “I offer you the possibility to become someone that can protect the Senate and People; perhaps then you might find true liberation or at least contentment.”

She threw a heavy bag on top of the scroll pile. It opened, revealing silver disks.

“You are not the only one with a debt to repay. Who better than you to pay Rome’s debts? Erase the debt, save our future.”

The slave was back to the mistreated field, spear in his hands, shaft pressing against the neck of the vanquished old man. This one murmured something, trying to catch the attention of the rider.

“Louder.”

“Cis romanus sum.” 

The knight put the spear aside.

“Perhaps it would have been wiser to start this dialogue of ours with that.”

“A free citizen does not have to answer to a man that only lives through the clemency of another.” The veteran gestured a sign of compliance, searching in his clothes for something. He pulled out a worn military scarf, wrapped around a metallic plate. “Here it is, my diploma.”

The slave planted his spear in resting position, examining the legitimacy of the document. Certified by the Senate, granting the man and his kin full citizenship.

A true veteran.

Returning the diploma as gently as if it was feathers instead of bronze, picked up his weapon and turned his back, lost in thoughts.  He had no right to censor the old man. Being a good soldier and auxiliary granted him citizenship and lands, however, did not come with agricultural knowledge and the talent to be a farmer. He was, however, good at fighting. Who can be blamed for trying to make a living with the skills they have? His flaws did not rob him of his humanity; if anything, it allowed it to express itself. Besides, he now longer stood between him and his mission and he had already unleashed more violence than the situation demanded. 

Tending to his horse and after making sure the beast was not hurt during the fight, the slave returned to the struggling veteran with a proposal.

“You do not have to pretend to be who you are not; you do not have to betray your legacy either. Go North, I am sure you will find purpose once again.

The old man rose and spat on the ground.

“Manes take you, slave! You do not know me. Who are you to say such things?”

Looking for something on his saddlebags, the slave returned with something. A single silver coin.

“I know enough, I learned that you are a Roman, someone even more fitting than I am to carry this message. These lands and its peoples once gave everything they had to my master in order to present a united front during the wars against Greeks and Carthage. We survived together, and earned our peace. It is only fair that we pay them back, return what was borrowed, show how well we took care of the secrets to us entrusted.”

 Those words roused the curiosity within the old man’s heart, making him accept the coin. A horse in one side, the words “CELERES” engraved in the other. The veteran made coin dance within its fingers, as if expecting further insights into its nature.

“Give it to the first magistrate or priest you meet.” Mounted, ankles and gallop. The slave had said what he had to say.

“Wait!” The old man stumbled behind the speeding horse. “What the Dis Pater is this?”

“A promise. ” The knight shouted back. “One that we will all see fulfilled.”