awesomewhalebags

[blobbei-art]

I recently archived all of the old art on my DeviantArt accounts I still have and 14 year old me actually was onto something with pixel art?

Also I dearly miss the experience of this Team Rocket Roleplay(ish) DeviantArt group I joined 2015/16. Having a public group where your OCs just exist very close to one another/live together so you included each other a lot. Very good times!

I hope all these people with their edgy Pikachu OCs are doing good out there nowadays.

[pekkhum]

Are you trans yourself or is it just your daughter? :0

And in any case, how is her transition going so far?

Sending much love <3

I think this will be more fun to answer via story time and the long mode answer:

Around the time of my 37th birthday I started seeing a couple incredibly hilarious and relatable memes about being trans go by on my feed. They were just so great that I found myself seeking out more and learning to understand trans folk more and more. I kept wanting to comment and holding myself back, because, of course I'm not trans, I just feel all the things trans women feel all the time and have struggled with those feelings since I was very, very young. Still cis, though.

There was eventually a day when the dam broke and I admitted online that I am trans, but it was three days later, while reading about internalized transphobia, that it all hit home. I had myself a nice little fit about how I didn't want to be trans, not because it is bad, but because the world makes life suck for trans people. (Actually, 6 months before, in the most egg moment ever, I told a woman that I had been thinking about how hard life as a transgender lesbian would be and that it would be much easier to be a straight guy. I was wrong for reasons most trans folk can guess.)

That day, I sat my child down to explain that I've realized that I am very much trans, that I have resources she can read to understand what that all means, and that I would let her other parent know, so she had someone else to talk to if she wanted. (Thankfully, we are peacefully divorced, so that wasn't an issue.)

I later found out that my child had devoured those resources, stolen one of my skirts my work-mom gave me (she's so supportive) and tried on names, pronouns, and skirts. It was a month later that she greeted me in the morning in a skirt and informed me that she was certain her feelings weren't something else and I discovered that I have a daughter! 😊

I was in the process of trying to get HRT and my insurance changed, then my health network intentionally and willfully screwed me over and yanked my chain, because they didn't want to provide a referral (it turned out to be owned by the Catholic church, here in America), but didn't want to admit their bigotry. I was forced to change health networks and get a new primary and wait months for a new appointment for a referral and my daughter's needs were similarly delayed, but she was even further behind! I had just gotten HRT when I was laid off and left with no insurance. This means I'm on an incorrect dose and my daughter hasn't gotten hers.

To make matters worse, our ADHD has made sitting down for voice training or learning makeup (it is so overwhelming!) difficult for us and we've not found others willing and able to help with the latter. My daughter has gotten a lot of nice clothing from her mama (I'm mom, the ex is mama 🤷‍♀️), and she just looks so cute, but she hasn't felt brave enough to present at school or anything. I'm hoping a GSA in college will help, but I'm making sure not to push her. She's still figuring out her personal vibe, but it seems to lean toward her mama's style, instead of my tastes, with just a few exceptions. Whatever she goes with, I'm proud beyond belief!

I joined a writer's group and only ever introduced myself under my unmistakably femme chosen name and everyone was cool with my very unfemme appearing dysphoria hoodie wearing self. I am grateful beyond belief. The dose may be too low, but the HRT has been very much working. Unfortunately, even freshly shaved with a straight razor, my beard is forever visible (I'm told a little blush or color corrector can hide that, but keep looking horrible when I try), but thanks to HRT, I at least saw a woman with a beard shadow, when last I walked into the bathroom. (Also, I fill out my sundress more, now!)

With family and friends, we are fully socially transitioned, though, and I am grateful, every day, for those we've been able to keep. It wasn't all, but it seems I'd already cut the problems, in advance. Also, we can both wear whatever around the house, so we dress for ourselves, at least.

We dressed up extra for our first Pride parade, though! I won't have a ton of opportunities to wear that rainbow skirt, but I love it greatly!

We are early in transition, with lots of problems yet to solve, but we are so much happier, so far. I'm finally alive and she finally cares about who she will be! We're also so much closer now and have opened up a lot more to each other. I adore my daughter and I'm so glad to be her mom! 💖🥲

[xnorthstar3x]

1) 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈

With winter coming in fast there was a lot to do at the farmhouse. Farming was hard work, even more so when you're the only one doing it. Being as I was the last (L/N) at the family farm, it would seem that all the work would fall to me. But, it wasn't as bad as you'd think. During the summer I often slept on the screened-in porch listening to the crickets sing me a lullaby as fireflies lit up the fields.

In fall it was very prosperous as the large field of pumpkins was often ravaged by young children and their parents looking to buy a pumpkin or two for carving, or they came for the petting zoo, seeing the little piggies and goats often brought smiles upon visitors. Springtime came and brought people with curiosity, as this time some of the mares in the stable will have given birth to baby foals. The stallions were being used for horse lessons year round which was enjoyable and good exercise for the beautiful creatures.

Winter was the most trying time of year, if there wasn't canning being done then it would be very hard to keep myself fed. The harsh winters knocked out the plentiful harvest of warmer months and left a blanket of white across the fields. This is what was happening at this moment, as I hopped off my horse walking around the forest that surrounded my farm to gather pine needles in a large basket.

These could be used for tea or woven into small baskets. Picking up some wintergreen leaves to chew on every so often. Kash, a blue tick hound I had been given as a teen, came running back to me carrying a stick I had been throwing far into the trees for the past 30 minutes. I could tell it was getting colder as the month drew on, my fathers hand me down jacket no longer protected me from the chill currently blowing through the trees.

"I guess we should head back," I noted looking at Kash who dropped his stick, he walked over and rubbed against my leg.

"Let's go, buddy." I walked over to my horse Jack, he was a black and white American paint horse, my brother named him when we were little. He left him to me when he moved out for college towards the south. Climbing on, I made the long journey back to the farmhouse. Living this far out wasn't unpleasant, it had its cons, but the pros were so worth it. It was peaceful, with no loud noises or noisy neighbors. No smog, or nasty garbage smells. Just clean fresh air and beautiful land.

After putting Jack away in the warm barn, I entered the house to see the fire in the fireplace going steady. Kash came in and took his place in a big fluffy bed I'd made for him at the beginning of the season.

Lucky bastard

He didn't have any responsibilities, and he didn't have to change his clothes.

I found my place in the kitchen making a cup of coffee and picking up a book I had put down that morning.

Every avid reader is proud of their bookshelf. My collection included series like The Hunger Games and authors like James Patterson. My mother loved to read, passing that love down to her children.

Brrrrringgg brrrrringggggg

The landline let out a screech as a call came in pulling me from a world of witches and wizards. Walking over I set my cup down on the coffee table and picked the phone up delivering an introduction in my best customer service voice.

"Hi, this is the (L/N) family farm. This is (Y/N) speaking, how can I help you?" I greeted whoever was on the other end.

"Hi (Y/N) it's Mrs. Thompson. I'm calling to confirm our therapy appointment this afternoon." I answered her with silence, and she sighed. "These appointments won't help you if you don't show up to them. We've already gotten through the 'get to know each other' part of the sessions. The rest is easy, all you have to do is talk."

"I don't like to talk." It was silent until Mrs. Thompson sighed

"I know, but happiness isn't a destination. It's a journey. How do you expect to enjoy the journey if you won't even take the first step."

There was a long pause.

"I know I'm sounding harsh, it's only because I care. I know your mother wouldn't want to see you this unhappy." A tear graced itself down my cheek, meeting my hand as I roughly swiped it away.

"Fine. I'll show up."

"Thank you, I'll be expecting you."

The smell of the waiting room always made me uncomfortable, doctors in general made me uncomfortable. I hate the smell of hospitals. I hate the way people look at you with sympathy in hopes that your struggle becomes easier while they get to go home to their perfect lives. Their picket fences and smiling families.

Their families.

I hate their guilt-free attitudes. I envy the way they're so easily able to let go. While I sit here and wish my life was different. While I am troubled with guilt for wishing my mother and father never died.

"I'm glad you showed up. I hope to keep this progress, but hope is all I can do." Mrs. Thompson smiled slightly. I hated her smile, it was full of sympathy.

The only reason I'm here is because Mom would want me to be.

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch," I told her, she jotted that down. I hated when she did this. Everything I did she jotted down. Every eye movement is jotted down. Every breath jotted down. I'm sure if I gave her the chance she'd follow me to the bathroom to jot down how I wipe my ass.

"Well, I want to try something different today. Give me 3 lowlights of your week, then 3 highlights." She sat patiently watching me.

"My jacket is too thin, the last of the strawberries froze out, and my truck's heater went out."

"Now 3 highlights." She wrote down something on her notepad. I sat there, it was always hard to think of good things when life only seemed to serve you bad things.

"I found a winter green patch closer to the farm." I shrugged.

"Ok, that's good, because now you don't have to travel so far." She offered up a smile. I hesitantly smiled back.

"That's true I guess. I also finished the book I was reading when we last spoke."

"That's wonderful, how did you like it? Was the ending what you'd expected?" She sat her pen down.

"Well yes, I watched the movie when I was younger. But the ending to the book was more fulfilling. It gave me more information about the main character and what she thought during her struggles and prevails." I sat back in my chair, it was always comforting to talk about books.

"And do you have a third thing?" Mrs. Thompson asked.

"I showed up today."

Series masterlist

[honourablefool]

Tw suicidal ideation (dw I'm fine just reflecting)

So mandatory disclaimer that I'm okay, I'm not in crisis, I am not going to kill myself, I have no desire to kill myself. However, this will probably be triggering for anyone who's sensitive about those topics. Putting that out there so yall can take care of yourselves. Now that we've gotten that out of the way.

I think about killing myself most days. It's like that when I'm in crisis, obviously, but it's like that when I'm fine too. Almost anything can set it off - hearing about something death related, not knowing how to handle a mild-to-moderately difficult situation in my life, boredom. Dreading a big presentation. Normal day to day anxieties and conversations.

It's been like this since the idea entered my head when I was like. 8 years old. So the vast majority of my conscious existence, I've been living with these thoughts. I've had near misses, sure, I've... made preparations. Never actually followed through, which the Fucked Up Guy in my head (abstract personification of these urges. Sometimes helps to think about them that way) would call cowardice. Thanks, Fucked Up Guy. Suuuuper helpful. Moving on

It's... just so mundane to me now. On an intellectual level, I'm able to dismiss the Fucked Up Guy and go about my day. Consciously, I have accepted that suicide is not a "solution" I will ever make use of. But the patterns of thought and action I built around the certainty that I was going to commit suicide, and probably soon--patterns I built from a very young age and reinforced for years--still interfere with my thinking and with my life.

I don't make plans more than a year in advance. I didn't expect to survive high school, much less graduate, and now that I'm facing down the last year of my degree I'm astonished to have gotten here. I have to, like... find a place to live. And get a job. And be an actual adult. And some part of me is crying on the ground and throwing a tantrum because, frankly, I wasn't supposed to have to do all that. I was supposed to die before I was ever truly in charge of my life.

There's a term for this feeling, I've recently learned. It's called "sense of foreshortened future." But that doesn't really get across how it feels. It feels like there's this giant void ahead of me, and all sorts of stuff keeps jumping out of it as time goes on, becoming revealed as it gets close enough for me to process that it's real, and I'll actually have to deal with it before I die. Obstacles to dodge, opportunities to grasp at, and every mundane duty I have to myself and the people around me. I didn't schedule a dentist appointment for two years because I didn't think I'd be needing my teeth for very long. I still need to request my mail in ballot for November.

And at the back of my head, the excuse, every time, is "oh I'll probably be dead by the time that's important." And that is Extremely! Not! Helpful! It fucks things up for me, and it fucks things up for people who care about me who end up picking up the slack.

I know I should be proud to have made it this far. Honestly, the most I can muster is surprise. It doesn't feel like an achievement, it still feels like I'm racing against time to juggle all the things the void that is my future throws at me until that void swallows me whole and I don't have to worry about anything anymore. My life is full of stopgap measures I've jury-rigged into continuing to keep me alive for far too long.

And maybe that's the rest of my life. Maybe, between the circumstances I was born into and the choices I made, I will have to continually dismiss the Fucked Up Guy, regardless of whatever else I do. Maybe the void ahead is one I have to keep exploring, despite my inability to look ahead. I still think my life can be worth living. I still want my life.

I think that's the most terrifying part. To want to live, even though my first impulse to solve any situation is to Stop Living. Idk. I don't have a solution. I just want a life, and this is the only one I'm guaranteed to get, so I'm gonna do my best with it. I can't see a way out, so I'll live through for however long I can. White-knuckling all the way, maybe. Fuck it. We ball.

[liminalpebble]

The Refugee: Chapter 16

A/N: Sorry for this itty bitty and somewhat dry chapter, but I promise it's important for the next one in which all hell breaks loose. Stay tuned, and thank you so much for following along on this journey so far. I'm blown away by the love and support.

The Refugee, Masterlist 

In the throne room, holograms of Thor and Odin stood before Loki. They were arguing, loudly. Lea stood to Loki's left in her neatest uniform, hair pulled back into a wreath of braids so tight and meticulous that it made her scalp ache. She was acting as his liaison from the linguistics division so did her best to look official, and hide her nerves. She was fidgeting with her fingers where they were clasped behind her back and out of sight. 

It was a sparse and private meeting, even the guards were ordered to vacate the throne room to leave the four of them together. They were discussing the most sensitive subject of the Heksejotun and the dangers toward both Asgard and the Laufeyson Empire.

Thor boomed out, “Brother, I do not need to remind you of our very carefully delineated peace treaty. It relies on our cooperation.”

Loki said loudly, but with perfect articulation, “I am not your brother, Prince of Asgard and King of Asgard. You would do well to address me properly.”

Thor sighed, “Very well, Emperor. There are more important matters. We have waves of refugees coming from the Jotun territories. They will flood into your empire as well. Managing this as well as this war is a mighty burden. We need you to solve the Heksejotun communications or we cannot win this war. Meanwhile you are wasting time touring your territories, overextending your greedy reach to claim yet more, and hosting silly balls for your court.”

“How the king conducts the business of his empire is none of your concern, Prince. I have an entire department, dozens of scholars working at all hours of the day and night on the Heksejotun. Everything in my empire runs according to my very intricate plans, and apparently unlike the two of you, I can manage several things at once in my administration. And, pray tell, how far have your scholars gotten, or have you simply been waiting for mine to do all the hard thinking for you, Thor?”

“Enough!” Odin bellowed. “The fact remains, that we must prevail and contain this threat. The time has come for a change of tactics.”

“I agree entirely,” Loki said, coolly, “My linguistics liaison, Lenora of the Morhari, will appraise you of the situation and send any new and relevant information to your researchers. Lady Lenora, please address the Prince and King with the status and findings.”

Lea stepped forward, trying to sound confident as she attempted to present her work clearly and translate it into understandable terms for the foreign leaders. Although Thor was impressed and respectful to her, Odin's deprecating demeanor towards her, as both a woman and a common refugee, was subtle but sharp. There was also no avoiding Odin's piercing insight into the situation. In this way, Lea thought that Loki must have taken on some traits of his adoptive father after all. The was no escaping either of their keen observation. Odin interrupted her. “So, as impressive as this is, young lady, you mean to tell me that your department is barely beyond the most basic understanding of this language, just as you have been months ago.”

“Not...not exactly, Your Highness. We've simply had to take it in a new direction, to work with historical researchers as well because of...”

“I do not care for these excuses, girl!.”

“Father!” Thor bellowed, “My apologies, Lady Lenora, please continue.”

Loki gave a tight, tiny smirk. Although he would never admit it, he was actually rather proud of his brother for standing up to his father's rudeness. He was also proud of how well Lea kept her well-practiced stoicism intact in the admittedly threatening and disapproving presence of the All Father. Loki knew all too well the withering power of Odin's disrespect.

She continued in a neutral tone, “I recommend that the Asgardian historians be at our disposal, and ours at yours to increase our understanding of this subgroup. Asgard, after all, has a much longer history with the Jotun than we do, and this could be the key to our understanding of the language and codes, which are heavily based on historical reference. I also recommend more immediate and direct collaboration of all Laufeysonian and Asgardian history and language departments to increase our chances of solving this sooner. I understand your concerns about our greater access being used against you, but in this critical instance the empire can only humbly request your trust.”

“A prudent course of action. Although trust is not something I bestow easily upon my brot...the emperor, I grant it without reservation to you, good lady,” Thor said with a courteous smile. “We shall arrange such an exchange immediately.” Loki glared, but said nothing.

“Thank you for your confidence, Your Majesties,” Lea said in closing.

Odin couldn't resist twisting the dagger just a bit more into Loki, saying, “How flattering that you think we would know the Jotun better, when it's you who have a stray runt of a frost giant sitting on the throne itself. ”

“Enough!” Loki shouted in his deep, imposing voice. Unable to contain his temper. “We are finished!”

Thor sighed with visible sadness on his kind and open face. He still loved his little brother and missed him terribly, but would never dare to say so, and Loki would never hear it through his icy walls of bitterness. He bowed to both Loki and Lea saying, “Lady Lenora...Emperor. We thank you for your collaboration and insight. Farewell.”

The holograms faded in a flash of light, but the tension still strummed through the room like the pluck of a tight string. Loki stormed to his throne and sat heavily, looking off into the distance and stroking his lips with one finger while he thought his scattered thoughts. Lea stood next to the throne, straight-backed and neutral, thinking that perhaps he would be calling in the guards and military advisers once again and she wanted to look official. However, he simply called in one guard, and announced in a dangerously agitated tone that the meeting is adjourned, and for everyone to head immediately to their posts to execute the new measures. Lea moved to head back to her post as well, when she heard him call from behind her in a severe tone, “Not you!”

She froze in her tracks, shocked and afraid, heart thumping violently in her chest as she asked, “Have...have I done something wrong?”.

He just shook his head with that lethal inscrutable scowl and grabbed her wrist saying, “You're coming with me” as he spirited them away in a flash of green light.

@gigglingtigger @sweetsigyn @lokisgoodgirl, @peaches1958 @goblingirlsarah

[high-functioning-lokipath]

SH - Sherlock & Mycroft Friendship/Brotherly Bonding - Prompt: Holmes brothers as kids, Myc being a good brother, playing the deduction game. - Words: 1,715

WARNING: MYCROFT IS A BIT NOT GOOD AT THE BEGINNING. THIS IS NOT MYCROFT HATE THO! ALSO, DEVIL CHILDREN WHO DON'T LIKE SHERLOCK MAKE AN APPEARANCE. IT DOES END WELL THOUGH.

That being said, I guess I should add a Trigger Warning for bullying.

I do hope you enjoy the story! Let us know!

"You simply are not trying hard enough, Sherlock! It's quite obvious!" Mycroft yelled. The Holmes brothers were standing in the living room in 221B. Mycroft had decided to pay his brother an in-person visit rather than just turning on the security camera he'd installed. Sherlock had decided to ask Mycroft to play the deduction game with him over a cup of tea. Sherlock was rarely so cordial with Mycroft thus Mycroft was, not that he'd admit it, concerned that something was wrong. He realized he'd miscalculated greatly (again, he'd never admit that) when, only an hour later, a shouting match had ensued.

"Really? Obvious? You're bloody insane, Mycroft! That solution is simply not possible!" Sherlock yelled, dressing gown swishing dramatically as he waved about.

"Look at the facts little brother. We've eliminated the rest. And what do we say about what remains?" Mycroft attempted to bring his voice back down to it's normal, placating, patronizing tones.

"Must be the truth," Sherlock replied, hanging his head low as he finally came to rest on the couch. Mycroft briefly, and rather guiltily, pictured Sherlock as a whipped puppy tucking its tail between its legs. He hadn't intended to hurt his brother so, but the damage was done.

'Nothing worse than past fights,' Mycroft thought. 'He'll recover in a few hours.' He decided not to reconcile at the moment as that could quite easily be taken as caring. 'Sherlock knows I care about him, I just don't want to appear too soft,' Mycroft justified mentally.

"Very good, Sherlock," He said aloud. "I understand you couldn't see it my way today. Perhaps one day you'll be able to think clearly about things." Mycroft turned to walk away. "Perhaps once your brain recovers from your last overdose. Maybe then it will return to acceptable functionality."

'Why did I tack that last jab on?' Mycroft wondered. 'Perhaps I really am becoming too calloused.' He shrugged off the thoughts for the moment as he got in his usual black limousine for the ride home.

Back in 221B, Sherlock sat crying on the sofa for some time. Soft whimpers of "Myc" fell from his lips occasionally. Eventually, he fell asleep, although not a restful one.

"William! Come outside! It's a perfect day to explore!" Sherlock's mind palace had conjured up the memory he was trying so hard to forget. He saw everything so clearly though. Mycroft, still as proper as ever, yet this Mycroft was more free, more innocent. About 14 years old and just under 5' 7", Mycroft had already adopted most of the personality that would stick with him for the rest of his life. Sherlock was seeing his memory as though it was a movie he could walk through. He didn't see it from his 7 year old point of view. Rather, he watched on the sidelines. He looked around and found himself in the backyard of their childhood home. Mycroft was examining a particularly bright patch of flowers by the corner of the house. Some of them had been crushed, others torn up.

'The old tabby cat,' Sherlock remembered fondly. 'Mrs. O'Malley did always let that cat wander too much.'

"I'm coming, Mycie!" Sherlock heard behind him. Turning about he saw himself, right at 4' tall, running out of the house to join his brother.

"Tell me, William," Mycroft said. "How do you think these flowers were destroyed?"

"The old tabby cat, Mycie! That's easy! Find me something harder!" His 7 year old self exclaimed. Mycroft smiled approvingly and patted little Sherlock's shoulder.

'I can't seem to recall why he ever stopped calling me William,' Sherlock thought. Shaking his head in his dream, he chuckled silently. He knew he would remember, but his mind was attempting to fool him.

"Timothy Lexington," Mycroft called out, tossing a frisbee to young Sherlock. He caught it absently, brows drawn together in thought.

"Blond and blue, 19, 5' 9", science class, held back a year," Sherlock replied, throwing the disk back with a smug grin.

'The original deduction game!' Sherlock thought with an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia. Sitting on the grass, he settled in to watch.

Mycroft had gotten into the habit of having Sherlock deduce his classmates to the nth degree.

"Why was he held back?" Mycroft quizzed, returning the frisbee.

"Cheating," Sherlock replied, about to throw it back. "Wait," he paused. "Cheating and skipping class." With every throw, Mycroft would ask a question or name a person, and with every catch, Sherlock would answer.

"Samantha Hanshaw."

"Red and green, 17, 5' 5", fairly intelligent. Moved ahead 2 levels over the summer." Mycroft was just about to catch the returning disc when Sherlock added, "And she has a crush on you. She likes your intellect." Mycroft completely froze. The frisbee hit him squarely on the forehead, snapping him out of his trance. "Mycroft! Are you ok?" Sherlock yelled, all deductions forgotten.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Mycroft assured him. "Let's go up front." The two Holmes children ran around to the front yard and Sherlock hurried to catch up. As he was about the round the corner, he noticed a group of boys, about his younger self's age, bicycling down the road.

'Oh,' Sherlock remembered. 'This was it.'

"William! Want to come and play with us?" One boy yelled, coming to a stop in front of the house.

"Can I, Myc? Please?" The younger Holmes asked. Sherlock could see the love and care in Mycroft's eyes. But also the sadness.

"They're no good for you, Will," He whispered, kneeling down to his brother's level. The younger's face dropped, tears welling up in his eyes. Mycroft hesitated briefly, hoping with all his heart he was making the right decision and that his initial readings of those boys were false, and added, "But if you want so badly, I suppose an hour or so wouldn't hurt." Sherlock lit up and hugged his brother around the neck.

"Thanks, Mycie! I'll be good! I'll be back in 1 hour!" Sherlock then ran across their large front yard to the road to meet up with the other boys. Mycroft began to walk into the house when he heard yelling.

"Where's your bodyguard now, William? Think you can just use your brain to get out of this, William?" Mycroft's heart sank. Those scumbags were holding Sherlock down on the pavement, kicking him. "Freak! Weirdo!"

"Leave him alone!" Mycroft bellowed. Sherlock had been struggling, trying to get away from them, but there had simply been too many. The bullies quickly scattered, grabbing their bikes and running off. Mycroft pulled Sherlock onto the grass immediately.

"I'm sorry," Sherlock whimpered.

"No, no, William. You don't have to be-"

"Don't call me that!" He yelled. "Never again! If I'm to be a freak, I'll be named as such. Never call me by that name again. Call me Sherlock from now on." Sherlock's face had turned adamant, a preview of his future personality.

"But-"

"Please?" Sherlock begged, face softening once again. Mycroft silently nodded and pulled Sherlock in for a hug.

"Come on inside. Let's get you washed up and have some cake together, hm? Sounds good, Sherlock?" Mycroft asked, the name feeling strange on his tongue. He certainly did not think the name sounded freakish, nor was his brother a freak, but he would, at least for now, make his brother happy.

"Yes, please."

"And Sherlock?" Mycroft continued, pausing his steps. "I'll always love you and I'll always take care of you. I will never hurt you. Never forget that."

Sherlock woke up with a start, gasping and still sobbing a little. His face was sticky with half-dry tears.

"I will never hurt you." Those words echoed in Sherlock's mind. It seemed that these days all Mycroft had done was hurt Sherlock.

'Not that it was really his fault,' Sherlock thought. 'I'm really the cause of it all. Maybe if I could find a triple homicide I could finally make him proud.' Sherlock shook his head. He'd already solved those types of cases. He really didn't know what to do to make his brother happy. Turning over on the sofa, he looked to the abandoned mugs on the coffee table. No doubt, the contents were far past cold so Sherlock got up and took them to the sink. Hearing the door lock click, he readied himself for an intruder since no one else he knew should be coming in at this time of day.

"Sherlock?" He heard a voice call out.

'Mycroft?' Sherlock wondered. 'Why is he here?' Slowly, Sherlock walked out of the kitchen.

"What do you want?" He spat, unintentionally angry.

"I wanted to apologise. I'm sorry," Mycroft said, absolute sincerity showing on his face. Sherlock was surprised beyond words. Mycroft quickly took in his brother's appearance and realized he was responsible for it. Mycroft sighed lightly before continuing, "Lately all we've done is fight. That's not right for brothers. Even arch-nemesis brothers," He said with a smirk. Even Sherlock chuckled at that. Turning serious once again, Mycroft continued, "Please believe me when I say I'm sorry. I-" He paused for a moment, deciding he may not have another chance like this for a while. "I'll always love you, little brother, and I'll always take care of you. I will never intentionally hurt you. Never forget that. I may be harsh sometimes and say things I don't mean when I'm especially frustrated but I'll try to say 'I'm sorry' a bit more."

"I love you too, Mycie," Sherlock replied, hugging his brother tightly. Mycroft smiled fondly at the man who, at the moment, was burying his face in Mycroft's suit jacket. Mycroft hugged Sherlock back.

"I'll always care, William," His brother's name finally felt right again after all these years. "You're never a disadvantage."

"Neither are you, Myc," Sherlock replied with a smile. "But you know you're not allowed to call me that around anyone else. Not even Mummy and Daddy." Mycroft nodded. "Good. Now why don't we stop this emotional madness and finish what we started," Sherlock commanded. To the average person, it would seem Sherlock had gone back to normal. But Mycroft saw the glint in his eyes. "Chocolate cake with whipped icing?" Sherlock offered.

"Of course," Mycroft smiled, taking the plate and sitting again in the living room. "Cluedo?"

Sherlock BBC Taglist

@lucywrites02

@delightfulheartdream

@bartv21

@another-crazy-fangirl

@ladylulu143

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤

[a-mended-pact]

Unsteady Keys: Chapter 9

A/n: Hey everyone. I hope you're all doing well. I'm pretty proud of this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

Warnings: this chapter does contain flashbacks, mentions of slightly toxic relationships. Mentions of Spencer's mom. Panic attacks. If there are anything more to add let me know

Requests are open

Word count : 3,024

It's been a couple of hours since we've gotten to work. I couldn't find Spencer anywhere. I needed to tell him that there was a lead on Lindsey due to Simmons giving Ethan a cognitive interview. I had called him a handful of times and gotten no answer.  Which is weird but with everything that's happened he has every right to have some alone time. I was still trying to call him when I found him in Morgan's old office. I don't know why I checked the cafeteria and the break room first. I felt myself facepalm as I looked around the room. 

He was in a daze and hadn't even noticed my presence until I moved myself into the floor across from him. I leaned against the desk for support as I looked up at him. He glanced at me and then looked away. The hand he was using to prop his head up seemed to tense. 

'You smell like mint and your cologne.' I said it with a small amount of amusement.  I knew he would change. It didn't bother me if anything. I'm surprised he even went to work with the smell of my essence laced into his skin and his breath. He nodded to acknowledge what I had said. 

'Love? Is everything alright?' He looked at me then and held my gaze. 'I know I said I'd talk to Ethan too but I can't seem to bring myself to. Seeing him for longer than a couple of hours has me remembering things with him so intensely.' 

A soft comforting smile formed on my face as I gently grabbed the hand that rested on his knee and squeezed. 'There's a lead on Lindsey.  I was going to leave with the rest of the team to go check it out. If you wanna stay here I can tell Em. Maybe you can get something more from Ethan. Then Matt did. ' I kissed his forehead gently.

Just like that. I left him to his own devices letting him figure everything out for himself.  I was gonna need to tell Em he wasn't coming.

-------------

I walked into the interrogation room with Ethan and undid his handcuffs immediately.  I didn't like seeing him like an unsub. So until further evidence came about I wasn't going to treat him as such. 

'You look like you've seen a ghost Reid.  What's wrong?' I looked at him as I stood against the wall. 'Did- did you?- ' I found myself stuttering and searching for words. My hands moved about as if I were trying to grasp each word that flew around my mind until it formed a sentence. How do you speak to someone that you haven't spoken to in years? Not in depth anyway. 

'You're a big hot shot Mr. FBI. Married, professor most likely with a couple books published or at least articles and yet you are still just the same man I adored back then.' He spoke with care and love in his voice as he watched my face blanch at what he said.

If it wasn't for the fact he has seen me this way before I would have been far more embarrassed then I was. My mouth was still opening and closing and my hands had finally stopped. 'Did you? Was it you? I- was it you that hurt me? With the blade?' 

I had finally managed to collect my words and form a complete sentence even if it was laced with fear and sorrow. I was terrified he'd say yes. I was even more petrified if he said no. If he hadn't done it then I'd have nothing to hold against him. 

There was no way I could remain upset about something that happened in college and it wouldn't make me seem like an upset child. I hadn't bothered to meet Ethan's eyes. I was honestly too afraid of what he'd see residing in my own. 

I didn't hear him move and I didn't notice how close he got until he spoke. Making me jump and look out of the two way glass. This was a bad idea. I need to get out of here. I feel like the room is shrinking. 

Ethan cupped my face and forced me to look at him. The fact that this was being recorded made me even more nervous. What if the rest of the team found out what happened between us.

I finally met his gaze. I knew my eyes probably reminded him of the first time he ever hurt me. This time had nothing to do with the kiss I walked in on years ago.

'Spencer.' As he spoke his thumb traced my jaw. 'I would never. I could never hurt you.' I laughed bitterly and flinched when his thumb met the side of my lips. 'This was a mistake. I - I need some fresh air'. I quickly rushed out, locking the door behind me. 

I blew out a breath I didn't realize I was holding within my lungs as I felt my breathing start to quicken. I made my way to the roof of the building that no one really used. I slid down the door as I made it fully outside.  

I watched as the sun began to set. The sky turned different colors until emerging me in full darkness besides for the buildings lights I closed my eyes. Why do I feel like a young adult all over again? Why am I letting him get under my skin? The worst part was that he isn't even trying to make me feel like this.

One minute I was on the rooftop the next I was in the band room of our college laying on the ground with my head resting on Ethan's jacket as he played the piano.

'I could fall asleep to the sound of you playing. You know.' I said as each key played from his fingertips. His cologne was all over me because we may or may not have been making out on the floor before I scolded him that he needed to practice. He had a big concert event coming up. 

'I could think of better things to do in here than you falling asleep.' His voice was teasing, making me blush.  It had only been a few weeks since our first actual time together and in all honesty it made me nervous just thinking about it. Ethan seemed to want to sleep together constantly.  Which is fine. I loved having sex with him but sex was never something I thought I'd experience so I'd much rather be reading or learning something new.

Just the other day we got into an argument because I turned him down. 

I was sitting in a lecture with the man that created the Behavioral Analysis Unit. The BAU for short. At the time, I didn't want to get laid. I wanted to learn more about how learning to understand a serial killer could help catch them. I was deeply intrigued and asked many questions as the lecture hall went on.

'You know you did ditch me for some cop I don't see why now would be a bad time to make up for it?

'A federal Agent is hardly a cop and if you can't remember his job at least remember his name. Jason Gideon.'

Ethan scoffed in small annoyance as he continued to play. Only this time the sound of the piano sounded like chase music. I felt like it should play in Tom and Jerry. 

'You can't seriously be upset with me about that?' I said trying to sound calm and collected in reality I was upset. I originally went to college to learn all the things needed to be someone that taught others. I had been debating on changing my career path for sometime now and I think I finally found it. 

'I think I wanna try to join the BAU. Gideon already told me with how interested I was in the lecture and with how smart I am. I'd make a great addition to the team.'

He smashed his fingers on the piano and groaned. 'Reid we already planned our future together. Do you really wanna give that up to join the FBI?' The way he looked at me was as if I had broken his heart. It's not that I had forgotten our plans after college. The only problem was that I used to be able to see that future and now I couldn't. 

Since the class with Gideon and all the research I've done. Working for the FBI just made sense. It would cover everything for my mother's doctor's and Care facility. Plus being able to keep a great roof over my head and food in my belly. I suppose to Ethan not living life on the edge was boring.

I shook my head to escape the memory.  Out of all the ones to have right now, why did that one resurface? My head fell in my hands as I combed my hair out of my face. My phone went off with a text from Y/n. 

'Hey, so we found her abandoned hideout but it looks like she hasn't been here in a bit. I don't know if you've gone to see him or not but I figured you could maybe get more info? If you're feeling up to it of course. Otherwise he made a bond with Matt. He can try again when we get back.'

I sighed. I wasn't in the mood to see him again. I thought I could separate my feelings towards him from this case and I know I'm not doing it. Perhaps I should step back from this case. I should talk to Emily. I know I'd still have to deal with Cat ever so often but otherwise she was my wife's problem now. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and closed my eyes. Everything just seemed like too much right now. 

'Seriously we are not doing this right now Ethan?' I was putting back on my clothes.  Situating my hair as well. 'You are not going to make me late. I refuse to miss seeing my mother again because you can't not want to sleep with me when we are alone.'

I walked around him as I grabbed my bag to take with me to go see my mom. It held some overnight clothes. I had missed the last time they were going to allow me to stay. All because I gave in to Ethan's advances to make him happy. I loved him and when we weren't bickering things were fabulous. After a year of it though it's exhausting. 

He caught me by my hips and pulled me to him. I swatted his hands away. He may not have wanted anything from me but a proper goodbye but I didn't want to give him the chance. I had already prepared myself mentally for the arguing that was gonna come from me turning him down. Me leaving him alone for long periods of time made me nervous.  

He'd never done anything to make me anxious about leaving him. He'd only go to bars and play and have a couple of drinks with other musicians.  I had accompanied him plenty of times. Nothing ever happened besides musicians talking about anything and everything underneath the shitty neon lights of the bar.

'Tell your mom I said hi and that I hope she's doing well. Also tell her I'm sorry I kept you away last time. I don't know what came over me. ' He cupped my face and went to kiss me but I turned my head slightly.  Again. I'm not taking any chances. I'd happily lose anyone or anything as long as I still had my mom.  He ended up kissing my cheek. 

A sigh escaped him as he let me go. 'I'll see you when you get back. Yeah?' I nodded and smiled at him as I headed toward the door.

'Wait, Reid. I'll be going out tonight to play. I'll message you when I arrive and when I leave. I know how you worry. Tell me when you make it to your mom's.  I love you. ' I smiled as I ran off to see my mom.

A groan escaped me. Why? I'm so sick of these memories coming up. I looked around the roof and let out another sigh. I really need to let what happens next go. Yet before I could stop my brain it quickly wraps me and surrounds me in the memory and as it unfolds like a movie before my very eyes. I kept my vision from blurring from the unleashed tears. 

Time with my mom had gone by well from when I got there until now.  She started having a violent episode one that if I had stayed would have ended in her calling me crash again.  I'd never tell her she'd hit me. I just wanted comfort. So I came home early. Well to a place Ethan and I were renting together. I hadn't told him I was on my way home.  So when I came home to an empty place I wasn't surprised. I quickly dropped off my things and ran to where I figured he'd be.  The bar with his friends. It was rare anyone would be there right now actually drinking; they should just be setting their instruments.

Only when I came in I found Ethan behind stage with a girl's tongue shoved down his throat. There clothes slightly askew He pushed her away when he realized I was there. 'Spencer this isn't what It looks like!' 

I just stood there frozen. I couldn't form a word, I could barely comprehend what I saw.  When he stepped towards me. I turned away and just walked away. I felt like my heart had just been stomped into the ground after being clawed at unintentionally by my mother. I was broken. 

That night I got multiple calls and texts from Ethan. I ignored them all. I ended up sleeping on a campus bench. Comfy truly.  

I never fully spoke to Ethan after that day.  Things with my mom got chaotic and I didn't have the time to focus on anything but getting my PhD and taking care of my mom. As long as I was busy I couldn't blame myself that I was too afraid to face Ethan.  He broke my heart and I didn't even give him the opportunity to even try to explain himself.

That was ages ago though so why am I still thinking about it. Why won't my brain just shut up. I need to get back Inside. Maybe the team is back by now. 

------------

Having to find Spencer recently was starting to become a habit. I looked everywhere for him everywhere besides outside. I finally found him walking in from the stairway that led to the roof.

'Hey.' I gave him a small wave and what I hoped was a reassuring smile. This case was getting to him for obvious reasons. He honestly hasn't looked this distraught since after he came back from prison. 

His eyes widened slightly. 'Good you're all back already then?' I nodded. My eyes didn't want to leave him. I knew something had happened. I just didn't know what. Pushing him was never something I had done and I wasn't gonna start now. Maybe I'll just bring it up a little to see if he decides to tell me. If not then it can wait until he sorts out his mind.

'So we didn't find Lindsey.  We did find a couple of things though. Photos of you in Mexico. Photos of you even in the prison yard. Among others of max and you and us together.  Lindsey appears to be stalking us. Maybe it was something Cat asked her to do.  Or maybe Ethan was the one taking some of the photos.' I looked away and was staring at my hands as my brain started putting small pieces together. Theories really.

Spencer grabbed my hand gently and brought it up so I'd follow it with my eyes. 'I am actually debating on taking a step back from this case. I was gonna tell Emily and see what she thought.' The smile he gave me didn't reach his eyes. 

'Let's be honest it's probably for the best that I do. I know too much and I am far too involved, especially with Cat and Ethan both being a part of this. It's just more than I think I can handle. I could be wrong. Maybe I just need a day to breathe. I'll have to figure that out though.'

He placed my hand on his face and all I could do was rub my thumb across his jaw. I let out a small laugh suddenly. Which surprised him. 'I'm sorry it's not funny! I just kept thinking that If I pushed hard enough on your jawline would it cut me?' It was a terrible time for me to not be able to keep things to myself.  He needed me serious, right?

A laugh bellowed out of him and I could see some of the stress and pain he was carrying with him lift a little. I myself smiled too when he pulled me into his chest. 'Oh how I love you and your random thoughts.' He moved his hand to cup my cheek and leaned in as if he were gonna kiss me. 

One of our arrangements when we started dating was no PDA in the workplace if any, keep it always at a minimum. With what he was doing it was making me question if he was about to break that small rule. Not that I minded if he did or not though. 

He stroked my cheek and smiled at me as he pecked the tip of my nose and walked away.

I couldn't help but scrunch up my nose the way a bunny would. It tickled. A smile formed on my face as I watched him leave.

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars @dreatine

[revchainsaw]

Ninja Assassin (2009)

I love the idea of applying horror movie logic to other kinds of things. We've had our fill of vampires and werewolves, don't get me started on zombies, but we fail to often imagine ourselves in the worlds of other genres, and comprehend just how frightening some things they present may be. In a world where highly trained killers can come out of any shadow and slaughter you without mercy, why should we limit that kind of play to only a martial arts film. Though many may disagree with the dear reverend here, I think Ninja Assassin is what happens when you apply horror movie rules to a martial arts film, and that's pretty neat! but does it do this well. Let's take a look.

The Message

Ninja Assassin is a 2009 action film that stars Korean pop star Rain as Raizo, a renegade ninja on the lamb from his vengeful and supernaturally deadly clan, the Ozunu. The Ozunu are also the target of a sharp and fearless interpol agent named Mika; as she is about to break the lid on an investigation regarding several unexplained high profile assassinations across the world. Through the events of the film the Ozunu ninja clan are agitated and become increasingly active. This over the top ninja action eventually brings Raizo and Mika together.

Mika and Raizo decide to combine her resources with his insider knowledge of the group to bring down the Ozunu clan once and for all. In a bad ass bloody spectacle all of the Interpol forces that Mika can muster are brought down by the ninja clan, and Raizo and Mika are brought face to face with Raizo's old mentor and father figure Lord Ozunu.

These events may seem rushed but actually the film intersperses them with flashbacks about the tortures and discipline Raizo went through as a ninja child growing up in this clan and being shaped into these insanely effective killing machines we have witnessed throughout the film. It also reveals how his spirit was never completely broken and bent to the will of the tribe, and his eventual rejection and escape from them.

Raizo does exact his revenge on the leader of the clan in the climactic battle, but in the melee Mika is supposedly fatally wounded. She is however spared due to a freakish medical condition that is foreshadowed earlier in the film: her heart is on the wrong side.

The Benediction

Best Sequence: They Fucked Up!

Without a doubt the scene that everyone thinks of when they think of Ninja Assassin is the sequence where Interpol attempts to commit a military style raid on the ninja clan and in turn they get absolutely fucking slaughtered. It's a pretty long sequence but you don't even really need to see the rest of the film to enjoy it. Just google Ninja Assassin Raid Scene and I'm sure you'll have a pretty good time just watching these Fed's getting fed their own asses. It's probably some of the best ninja action ever put to film.

Best Kill: Uneven Load

Somebody attempts to carry out an assassination attempt on our hero Raizo in a laundromat. Their head is later discovered when a thumping dryer starts to bleed. The dryer door is opened a a bloody head just tumbles out. It's pretty darn hilarious.

Worst Concept: Anatomy! My Only Weakness!

The heart on the right hand side thing is pretty stupid. For one thing the heart is slightly more on one side of your body but a direct shot to the chest is still pretty likely to kill you. It's a real condition called Dextrocardia but it was used as kind of a Deus ex Machina in this film, and the film makers seemed pretty proud of themselves for "foreshadowing" it in an earlier scene, and I use foreshadow very loosely.

Best Aspect: We Don't Think You're Dumb

Ninja Assassin attempts to do the Grindhouse thing that was very popular around this time, by taking a concept like Ninja Action Movie and playing up the gore and the extreme nature of the action as far as they can. I have to give the film makers props for playing the plot straight too, the bonkers grindhouse action of a movie can only be winked at so many times before it just becomes too stupid to care about. The characters can totally play the story straight and the audience doesn't need them to plant their tongues firmly in their cheeks for us to get that it's supposed to be absurd. So very good job Ninja Assassin.

Worst Effect: Look at all this ... Blood?

However, the movie would have benefitted greatly from an exorbitant amount of fake blood. buy gallons of the shit, throw it everywhere!!! please! I know it was cheaper to do the CGI blood but it looks bad and is way less fun, I want the practical effects version of this movie. I want actors slipping in the shit.

Best Effect: Shadowy Figure

A combination of CG and Camera Tricks was used frequently when our villains appeared on screen. The ninjas in this film had a power to jump in and out of shadows, to almost teleport using darkness, to watch the silhouettes of the assassins materialize from every dark corner and narrowly cast shadow was a pretty freaking sweet and unique little touch that added a lot to the menace the ninja clan represented.

Best Concept: Their Ninja Way!

As mentioned earlier the Ninja in Ninja Assassin are a lot less like a group of martial artists, or poor farmers rebelling against samurai warlords like in history. These Ninja are the way you thought about them when you were 7 years old. They are almost a category of mythical being, like a vampire or a Pegasus. They have their own distinct look, powers, and rules. I really wish we had gotten a sequel or a spin off of this. The way Ninja operate in this film is so damn American, and so damn fantastic. It's utterly absurd but that's just what the doctor ordered in a dumbed down action flick. I want to see more of these kinds of Ninja.

Summary

Ninja Assassin is a movie that sadly, you will not hear many people bring up. Everyone was talking about it for like a week after it came out and then it disappeared. That's not terribly hard to understand. Raizo is not a particularly distinct character, and in a world where Anime is so readily available to give audiences this kind of over the top ninja action, this hour or so long film really doesn't stand out. I sincerely believe if it had relied more on solid landing action choreography and practical effects for it's violence it would have had more of an impact on audiences. But it's as fleeting and material as a spray of computer generated blood, and that's a shame. I think we should petition to get Raizo put into the Mortal Kombat games, because that is exactly where he belongs. I predict that cult film status will eventually find it's way to this movie, once the kids who saw this when they were far to young, finally start making movies.

Overall Grade: C

[onlyyyariii]

The Interview

Part 1

"Let's all give a warm welcome to Ms. Liana Summers!" Jimmy says announcing me as I make my way into the stage.

I wave and smile at the audience before taking my seat.

"Boy do we have a lot to talk about!"

I smile and nod, "Thank you for inviting me. I love your show."

"Well most people do," he laughs and I let out a small giggle, "lets start with the movie you just finished up. What was it again?"

"Oh, it was a movie called Unrequited Love. I played opposite KJ Apa. He was my characters love interest."

"Remind us what the movie was about."

"Of course, so my character her name is Daisy Smith and she's loved this boy James Porter for as long as she can remember. They're friends, super close friends but she's definitely in the friendzone. Having such strong feelings for one of her best friends puts her in a place of constant stress and jealousy. She'd never tell him how she felt because she didn't want to lose him completely. The day after James tell her," I pause looking at the audience, "about something, she starts feeling sick. Soon enough she's coughing out flower petals and feeling the effects of Hanahaki disease. Of course her parents get worried and take her to the hospital where they learn of the disease. The rest you guys are going to have to wait for."

"That sounds like such a fun role to play."

"For me it was! I love acting and when I got the call that the casting director thought I would be great for the part of course I went in and auditioned but I got cast for the part about 3 days after I auditioned. Apparently I was just what they were looking for. Then I fangirled over KJ for a little bit before actually meeting him and getting to know him. It took us three months to film the movie. KJ and I have gotten close. We FaceTime a lot and I know he's watching this so," I turn to look into the camera, "I'm watching you K man." I giggle and turn back towards Jimmy.

"You two seem very close."

"Yeah we are, it's nice to have a boy best friend again, ya know?"

"While we're on the subject, do you miss your old best friend, Grayson Dolan? A lot of people say that things got tense between you two after you and Ethan broke up."

I had to laugh, that's the only way to keep my emotions inside. That's the only way to keep myself from full out sobbing on live tv.

"Sometimes I miss them. We grew up together and they were always there for me. The thing about Ethan and I's relationship is complicated. When the three of us got popular on Vine and then YouTube, I was always shipped with them. Like the fans would want me to date Ethan or get married to Grayson. For being such close friends it didn't matter to us, we often made jokes about it. Little did anyone know Ethan and I had been dating since we were 17. I was open with the fans about the fact that I had a boyfriend. I never let them know who it was, just that he and I were together. After about three years of dating Ethan told the world that he had a girlfriend. A few months later we announced we were together. At this point we'd been together for almost four years."

"Wow that's a very long time to be dating someone. Especially when you're so young."

"Exactly. Everyone wanted us to be together until we actually came out and said we were together. At this point we were almost 21. On two previous occasions Ethan had asked me to marry him, only to take it back after a month of me wearing the ring. The second time he asked I said yes because I loved him. I truly did love him but I told him how much I wanted to marry him and have kids with him and he freaked out. I wanted kids young, I didn't want to have my first child at like 28. After he freaked out I told him we couldn't be together anymore. Not only did I compromise with him but I also pushed back what I wanted for the sake of our relationship. I couldn't keep hurting myself anymore. After we announced our break up everyone started shipping Grayson and I again. It made me think that I must've chosen the wrong twin. If I was with Grayson, we would've gotten married the first time he asked and I'd probably of had a baby by then."

"We've all heard about Grayson Dolan and his baby fever that he's had for a long time now. Do you ever see yourself getting together with him or?"

"No, I dated his twin brother. It would be too awkward. Um, after getting out of a long, serious relationship you need a break from love. A break from other people to maybe focus on yourself and see how you've grown. You need to teach yourself how to be independent again. That's exactly what I told myself I was doing when I packed up my stuff and left their house. I moved all the way to Paris. I lived there for about two years before coming back to the states."

"Had you spoken to Ethan or Grayson during those two years?"

"Grayson had messaged me quite a few times but I hadn't spoken to Ethan. I decided to pay them a visit when I moved back to LA. When I found out that Ethan was already married to another girl and she was pregnant..." I shake my head, the tears that had collected in my eyes finally falling, "I broke down. Grayson explained to me that a few days after I left Ethan had met up with Kristina Alice, who we'd know for about four years, and they hit it off and started dating. It was gut-wrenching. I had always thought he was my soulmate and to come home and find him married with a child on the way, it really hurt me. I decided to lose contact with both of the boys after that. I blocked them on social media and everything. Cut ties with their family, after I did that I realized that for the first time in my life... I was completely alone."

"How did you manage? What did you do to fix yourself?"

"I got really into my job and looking for acting opportunities. I bought myself a house and a dog. I went partying with Tana Mongeau. I really wrecked myself. Until one day I decided to get over it. Now I'm here. Happier than ever."

"Well we're all very proud of how far you've come and how you tackled your obstacles to come out the other side a better, healthier woman."

"Thank you Jimmy, I really appreciate that."

"Of course," he turns towards the camera, "stay tuned because after this we get to play some games with Liana and talk about her upcoming book, How to Love Me. Right after this break."

The camera pans towards me as I smile and wave. I do have a new boyfriend but... they don't need to know that yet.

*********

Tag list: @fangdolan @luxplsr @333dolans @blindedbythelightt @rhyrhy462

[luvdsc]

Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)

[folightening]

I swear we've briefly met before

Summary: This Loqi Tummelt Lunafreya had set him up with looked awfully familiar, but Ravus couldn't quite figure out where he'd seen him before.

Ravus/Loqi - Final Fantasy XV 

Characters: Ravus, Lunafreya, Loqi, mentions others

Rated Teen

Words: 2278

*****

A week ago, Lunafreya had set him up on a date. Ravus had no intention of going; he'd told her as much. Yet here he was, riding with her to meet some Loqi Tummelt she swore would be a good match for him. After her previous failures at finding him a date he was astounded she was trying again. Even if two of those failures were now a friends of his. One of which also thought Loqi would be a good match.

"Lunafreya," Ravus said. "You said this Loqi Tummelt is a friend of Prompto's, and Aranea knows him as well. How did you come to the conclusion that we ought to date?"

"Just trust me. I know what I'm doing."

"That is what you said the previous five times."

"This time, I definitely know."

Against his better judgement, he'd trust hers again this time.

"If this does not work out, no more setting up dates for me."

"Promise me you'll try." Lunafreya glanced at him. "Aranea worked out fine."

"Aranea worked out fine because we established that I am a homosexual before the date was half over."

It had never occurred to him that he might be until he'd met her. She had helped him figure out something important about himself and now two years later, they were close friends. Aranea was arguably the closest friend he had.

"Ravus."

"I will try. You didn't find this one through that app I regret downloading."

That hadn't stopped one of the others from being a failure, but it was still preferable. Four times, he'd met someone off that accursed app. Three of those times had been utter failure due to being incompatible with those men. Obviously, the app did not work as it claimed to.

A few minutes later they pulled in to the restaurant. Luna parked and pulled out her phone, quickly sending a text. A few moments later she giggled.

"'Traffic's being a bitch, so I might be late.'" Luna turned and looked at Ravus. "You want to wait inside or out here?"

"Unless you plan to show me a picture, I'm waiting right here. You may introduce us."

"Fine," she sighed and started typing again.

Lunafreya had forbidden him from doing any research and Aranea was on her side, refusing to tell him anything helpful about Loqi. He had been told on numerous occasions that he was too quick to judge people, but that hardly seemed a good reason to keep him in the dark with this one.

"Couldn't you give me some information about him? You knowing him is not enough."

"He's a cute, extroverted, dirty blond Niff from a rich family. Early twenties, five-seven, and you're not getting anything more from me." Lunafreya smiled. "Talk to him and get to know him."

She seemed awfully determined with this one. Aside from Aranea, the previous five hadn't gotten quite the same amount of pushing for it from her. Thinking about it, Aranea had seemed a little eager for it as well. Perhaps this set up date wasn't just for him?

"You really think Loqi is the one for me."

"Perhaps. Though I was wrong about Ignis."

"He and I could have worked had he not been an uptight analytical psychologist with a tendency of judging people and- We're too similar for a romance to work out."

Ignis had agreed, though they remained friends.

"I still think it could have if either of you had been willing to give it some time."

She was probably right. Given time, they could have formed something akin to romance. Maybe.

"He isn't my type."

Lunafreya snorted and Ravus scowled.

"You know what your type is?" The doubtful look she gave him stung slightly. "Why didn't you ever tell me? That would have made this much easier."

"I have only a vague idea- nothing definite enough to tell you about."

Some hard thinking and a late night spent scrolling a site he'd never visited again had shown him what sort of man he found attractive, as well as reinforced the conclusion that he is indeed homosexual. That hardly helped him know what he was looking for personality-wise. Which was far more important and why he hadn't bothered telling her any of his findings.

The rest of the wait was in silence. It wasn't a long wait, just ten minutes before a young man with dirty blond hair was walking over. He was pretty cute: youth clung to his cheeks, full pink lips were curved into a slight frown, and his side-swept styled hair only added to his attractiveness. There was also something familiar about him, like Ravus had briefly interacted with him before at a store or something.

"There he is," Lunafreya confirmed Ravus' suspicions.

They both got out of the car, Loqi and Lunafreya greeting each other with wide smiles. Then Loqi turned to Ravus and extended a hand.

"My name is Loqi Tummelt."

Ravus shook the extended hand but didn't match the smile.

"Ravus Nox Fleuret."

"Let's go."

Loqi turned and Ravus followed, telling himself he wasn't nervous. He'd been on enough dates to not be nervous. So what if this young man was familiar? If he was undeniably attractive? Ravus was not the sort to allow things like that to affect him.

Fortunately they were soon sitting by a window. He much preferred sitting by a window when eating out. It helped him feel less crowded even with all the noise reminding him how many other people were in the restaurant.

Also fortunately, Loqi was happy to fill the space between them with chatter. Mostly about himself, perhaps too eagerly. Ravus looked over the menu as he listened to Loqi's 'here's why you should be interested in me' speech.

"What do you do?"

Ravus raised a brow at Loqi's abrupt change in subject. The man knew Lunafreya, surely he knew what her brother did.

"I assist Lunafreya with running our family's company."

These days, he might as well be the CEO but until Lunafreya fully settled on her new path in life, that title would remain hers.

"Hobbies?"

None that he would tell a stranger about.

"What I do with my free time is irrelevant."

Loqi laughed, a nice sound that had Ravus almost smiling in response.

"What you do with your free time is very relevant."

He leaned forward over the table and Ravus was certain he'd seen that expression before. Though with the small smirk and half-lidded eyes he couldn't think of a single moment such an expression had been directed at him.

"If your free time is as busy as your work, how are we to spend time together?"

"Aren't you the confident one." Ravus leaned forward as well, a small smirk of his own tugging at his lips. "I can yet decide you are not worth any more of my time."

Usually his personality was one of the things people cited as a reason they didn't want to be near him. Arrogant, cold, closed-off, judgemental, just plain mean... all words people had used to describe him. So it came as a pleasant surprise when Loqi didn't pull back and leave.

"Oh, I promise I'm worth it. Just give me the chance to show you."

Truth be told, he was already liking Loqi.

"Are you ready to place your order?"

Ravus broke eye contact first to look at the waiter and place his order. For Ravus, a medium rare steak with a salad on the side. Loqi decided on a cheeseburger with fries.

"Earlier," Ravus said, "you said you were taking classes for engineering."

"It's something I've always had an interest in. If I make a career out of it, I can do something I enjoy and help people. Everyone benefits."

That dedication was admirable. Ravus had never had any particular interests to follow and make a career out of. Just make Mother proud and don't fail. ...Maybe Lunafreya had a point.

"How are the classes going?"

"They're going fine, 'Daddy'."

Loqi chuckled and reached across the table to tap him on the nose. Something about the action flustered Ravus but Loqi continued before he could express any of it.

"We're on a date here. Shouldn't you be asking about things other than my classes?"

Expressing an interest in his date's academics didn't strike Ravus as an odd thing to do.

"If our relationship continues after this first date, your academics will be of interest to me."

"I've a GPA of 3.7 and pulled more all-nighters than I can remember. That satisfactory?"

It was better than what Lunafreya's current boyfriend had. Not that Lunafreya's boyfriend had stayed in college, but... that comparison wasn't important now. Ravus nodded, unsure how to continue the conversation.

"What about you?"

"4.0, recently graduated."

Loqi whistled and once again Ravus was almost certain they had briefly met before. Something about his mouth... Or maybe that was just Ravus being interested in him.

"Perfect honor student, huh? A degree in business?"

"What makes you assume that?"

"You are one of the CEOs of the Oracle Company. If you're anything like your sister, you don't have that position just by blood."

Technically, he did. He just didn't want that to be the only reason he held the postion. He wanted to prove he was good enough. That his mother hadn't been wrong in naming him as the joint heir of the company with Lunafreya.

"Enough of that, though. How do you plan on this date going?"

"I hadn't considered anything beyond dinner," Ravus said.

If over the course of dinner they decided they weren't interested in each other, there would be no point in doing anything else together. Even something simple could ruin it for them.

"Did you have any hopes for this?"

Loqi leaned back in his seat and appraised Ravus.

"Maybe. If dinner goes well."

Technically, they didn't need to do anything after even if they were getting along well. They could easily just decide on a second date and part ways. But what little remained of Ravus' day was open, and if Loqi had the time he wouldn't deny him.

"How open are you to sex on the first date?"

"Not terribly, I'm afraid. It would beg the question of whether or not you are actually interested in me, or if it's merely a sexual attraction."

Sex rarely crossed his mind as it was. Starting a relationship with it sounded ludicrous, and yet a part of him disagreed with his statement about not being interested. Loqi was exactly his type, as far as looks went. In fact, he looked so much like that young man who'd-

As the thought crossed his mind Ravus set his cup back down. He couldn't be.

"Well that's a shame," Loqi said. "It's probably for the best."

The hair curved the same way at the ends. On his cheek was the same beauty mark. Eyes the same shade of gray-blue. The more Ravus stared, the more Loqi's face looked like him.

What were the odds?

"Something on my face?"

"You look like..." Ravus fell silent, unsure how to go about bringing it up. Did he even need to? If he was wrong Loqi was sure to be offended.

If he was the same man, that meant... Ravus's cheeks flushed as he remembered clearly what had happened when he watched that video. Specifically that man in particular had- Oh dear gods above this was embarrassing.

Loqi's lips curved into a grin as his eyes grew understanding and once again he leaned forward over the table.

"I look like what, Ravus?"

That was a tone Ravus certainly did not appreciate his name being said in. Not in public- No, not at all. Even if it did come from Loqi and- Ravus scowled in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. He hardly knew Loqi enough to be attracted to him. Much less act like this. So what if he knows what Loqi looks like naked and the sounds he makes during sex? So what if he wanted to take this chance to experience it himself?

"How many have you watched?"

"Just one."

He really didn't want to talk about the fact that his sister had managed to set him up on a date with one of the men from the single porn video he'd ever watched. Specifically the man he found appealing.

"Which-"

"I do not wish to talk about it," Ravus snapped.

Loqi's laugh was a mean little sound this time, but before either of them could say anything the waiter was back with their food.

Eating in relative silence didn't stop Ravus from remembering that video. Or the fantasy he'd indulged in after hastily shutting his laptop. Which would only be worse now that he'd actually met the man and- Ravus frowned at his food. That was a rather unfair situation between the two of them.

"Loqi," he said. "I believe I shall take you up on your offer. If it still interests you."

He didn't dare look at Loqi to see his expression. He kept his focus on his food instead, feeling how hot his face and ears were. As much as he wanted the suggestion to be a matter of evening out something that didn't really matter all that much, there was no denying that was an excuse. He couldn't remember a time he'd been this stupidly interested in having sex with someone.

"Oh, I'm interested," Loqi said. "Now tell me, have you ever been to Accordo?"

As Ravus informed Loqi that no, he had never been to the island nation, he felt himself relaxing again. Maybe this could work.

[cinnamonmoony]

Reddish mane | Arthur Shelby

A/N:Hey I just wanted to say that I'm new to this and it's my first OS and what better than to do it from Arthur!

(Internal shouting)

I appreciate you guys taking the time to read this.♡♡♡

•English is my second language

You were running across the lawn on a weekday mid afternoon the first time he saw you. The weather was warm something very unusual in old Birmingham,your hair previously braided patiently by your mother was already fluttering wildly in the wind with some mud soaking into it,The flowers you had picked that morning were in her little hands somewhat dirty from playing and leaning on the dry grass.

The Shelby brothers were coming home with bruised faces after going to school, Arthur had gotten into a fight trying to defend Tommy from a boy bigger than them.

Clearly he had lost this time but he was proud to at least leave a little blood on his expensive clothes.

The conversation between them had stopped when they were interrupted by thunderous laughter coming from the crowd.

He moved a little closer to the place where all that racket was heard, then his gaze was diverted to a burst of fire that passed in front of him.

It wasn't fire at all, it was a tangle of hair he had never seen in his life,its Natural reddish color so vibrant that contrasted with its orange ripples made it look like they were moving of their own accord,as the girl ran her hair disarmed those precious ripples only to have them soon after return to their place in a continuous action.

It was almost mesmerizing to him.

The pirate hat that adorned his head was strange,it was worn from the years it must have been and the constant uses it was put to.

"That's right,we're almost ashore!" She exclaimed loudly extending his hand around his eyes as if it were an invisible spyglass.

Arthur bowed his head as he took in the scene "Strange girl" he thought.

Tommy ran towards her to introduce himself, seeing this the older Shelby brother felt a pang of jealousy to see them talking so confidently despite having met only a short time ago, he decided to walk back to resume his walk but stopped when called by his brother and turned around to watch him approach being followed by the girl.

Two blue eyes were watching him, a blue so beautiful that it reminded him of the ocean itself, his red-haired eyebrows were also slightly furrowed and finally he saw his freckles, thousands of them decorated his face.

Tommy elbowed him and he reacted by starting to introduce himself in front of the fire-haired girl.

"I'm Arthur" he said extending his hand hoping she would accept and return his greeting.

"I'm (Y/N)" she said accepting his hand cautiously trying to remember some of the lessons on how to behave and be a lady that her mother had put so much effort and dedication into but had predictably fallen asleep in the seat after playing for hours away from home.

Arthur smiled as he watched the pirate's hat fall down covering her eyes because of how big it was, he delicately released his hands still clasped together to shyly move a little closer to her taking the tips of his worn hat and raising it back up to his head exposing those completely beautiful eyes that stared back at him.

He cleared his throat taking a step back returning to the upright posture he had before.

"We've never seen you around here before" Tommy spoke after an awkward silence from everyone.

"I'm not from here I uhm we moved in together with nana a little while ago."

With unusual encouragement the Shelby brothers returned home,as they opened the door revealing a smoking Polly reading the newspaper and John eating a cookie, Thomas Yelled drawing everyone's attention;

"We met a girl today and Arthur fell in love with her!" said the boy noticeably emosionated.

"That's not true!" Arthur panicked trying to hide the crimson pink color that was creeping up his neck to his cheeks.

Polly listened intently to the boy talk about how they met her on their way home and added at length how her older brother was speechless when he saw her, his brothers started to scoff at his inexperience talking to girls but immediately shut up as they received an annoyed look from their aunt, she approached Arthur who was still standing by the side of the door with a kind smile.

"Aunt Polly I-

Polly laughed at her little nephew's babbling, soothing the situation she invited them to tea and cookies and they all made their way to sit down at the table. But before Arthur could even take a step she approached him and whispered "I want to meet her" watching him fiddle with the buttons of his coat and nodding his head.

The next day as they walked boredly to school Arthur told them to go on their way without him, his brothers didn't find it strange as he was an expert at skipping classes on a daily basis.

He decided to try his luck and went back the same way as yesterday finding (Y/N) standing on the trunk of an old oak tree extending your hand in the air like a sword, she hid behind some tall grasses watching you dance and jump, unconsciously her gaze traveled to the reddish hair that fluttered wildly.

She was different from the other girls brought up to be perfect in every way (Y/N) she was like a dream, a fantasy from which he prayed he would never be awakened, from the short time he knew her he deduced that she was fearless, even though you couldn't even reach her shoulder he didn't rule out that if someone insulted you you would fearlessly jump in and confront them.

Arthur stepped backwards stepping on a branch on the ground making it creak thunderously, (Y/N) she gave a startled jump making her left foot wobble on the hollow wood ending up on the ground in a loud thud.

The Shelby quickly came out of hiding approaching the girl on the ground extending her hand to help her get back on her feet.

"Thank you" she whispered after a moment of silence,her voice as sweet as honey was intoxicating to his ears.

"It was nothing" he replied with a hesitant smile.

From that moment on Arthur Shelby and her were completely inseparable,people who knew them got used to the fact that if they saw the boy (Y/N) he must not have been too far from there,she was by his side at all times supporting him and he did too,they were both there they were his safe place the one person they could count on no matter what.

Arthur was a loner before meeting him, a difficult temperament that no one could get to understand as he closed himself in his own bubble keeping everyone away for days, except for (Y/N), she was the only one who let him in and kept him with one foot in reality.

Entering adolescence, the boy's attachment became a pure and sincere crush on the red-haired girl, the boys of Small Heat began to pay attention to her, making Arthur's nerves grow as he feared that (Y/N) would abandon him completely when he realized that you could have something better than him, but she would always remind him that she would never leave.

For her part (Y/N)'s feelings grew with the same intentionality as he did but she was afraid that Arthur would only see her as a little sister condemning their friendship to be shipwrecked, she tried to make her feelings for her best friend change by focusing her attention on some boy in the area not knowing that Arthur's heart would break the times she had knocked on his door being answered by her grandmother apologizing because a boy had arrived hours ago to invite her to dinner.

He was there too when she was crying on his shoulder lamenting not being prettier like the girls in the magazines.

"If I became prettier do you think he would like me?"

Shelby's anger increased as he heard how (Y/N) was afraid to talk to a boy since he knew how a young girl had been cruelly rejected by the damn bastard, he tried to restrain himself he really tried but he couldn't hold back years of feelings for her any longer.

"Stop crying for him (Y/N) he's just a fucker who doesn't know how lucky he is, besides,Tell me what do you see in that idiot?" he asked.

She made a shoulder shake "I thought he was nice".

"Yeah, right" He said sarcastically, letting out a bitter laugh.

"I don't understand why it bothers you so much" she said standing up again.

"Because I love you,Damn it!" shouted Arthur making her eyes widen in surprise.

Neither of them knew what to say after that, (Y/N) she still didn't finish processing all the words accurately but when she did she let out a giggle, the Shelby already standing just watched her not being able to understand why she was acting like that.

"For God's sake, we're complete idiots Arthur Shelby" she said as she slowly approached him.

"Why do you say that-?" he managed to reply completely flustered by her approach,but being silenced as he was kissed by (Y/N).

He awkwardly continued the kiss taking it to a soft rhythm making both of their hearts beat faster as the other could hear their heartbeats.

"I love you too" she said as the kiss ended.

Arthur smiled in a way he had never smiled before, he was completely happy.

He took her by the waist lifting her up and starting to turn on his feet listening to the girl's laughter in the background.

After that loving confession both became inseparable, more than before, being able to formalize their feelings by asking to be his girlfriend some time later.

Everything was rosy until one afternoon while you were learning to knit with a hook with Polly, the letter carrier knocked on the door and was opened by (Y/N) who received the mail with a warm smile, the smile that was a typical symbol in her was erased when she read with Aunt Polly the call to the Shelby Brothers to join the ranks in France.

They both cried hugging each other for hours having for the boys' lives, she didn't want Arthur to go to that bloodshed but there was not much she could do as the weeks passed in the blink of an eye and it was time to say goodbye at the train station that would take the soldiers to France.

Arthur almost missed the train that morning as he didn't want to take off from (Y/N), she didn't want to say goodbye to him either but they had to sooner or later.

So she managed to get him to go quietly by handing him the ring the Shelby had given him days before they were drafted.

"(Y/N) What are you doing-?"

"Listen,You'll give it back to me when you get back...can you promise me?" she told him showing confidence even though going inside she was trembling with fear.

"I promise," he said looking into her eyes.

Those again beautiful eyes that only had their sight on him.At that moment he thought of the first time he saw her,her hair red as burning fire covered by the old pirate hat that was his father's as a child and her Thousands of freckles,which would take years to count if he set his mind to it but that task would be completely worth it if it was about her.

He never took off the ring hanging on a chain around his neck, the picture he had of her tucked in his uniform pocket at chest level, the constant letters they sent to each other reassuring them that the other was well and his silent promise to her before he got on that train that he would return to her, those were the only things that kept him sane until the war ended.

As he stepped off the train he fell to his knees at her feet (Y/N) wrapping his legs in an embrace, whispering that he would never leave her side again.

When he regained his composure, he kissed her effusively as he had not been able to do for so long, unhooked the ring from her neck and proposed to her for the second time, listening to the cheers of joy from his family and strangers at the train station.

The people who saw them continued to be amazed at the existence of a strength and a love as great as theirs, which lasted for a long time.