#i understand critically consuming medias you enjoy but some of them just like discourse for the sake of it

[arnault]

look away

[scrumptiousobjectcollector]

Discourse because people want to comment on my post in a childish way.

You can love and cherish g1 and still be critical of it. Idk where yall got this idea that yall can't be critical of the media you consume and enjoy. To pretend that it was faultless just because you hate g3 and have to be immature and toxic about it?

Imagine saying you don't give a shit about g3 then typing up this immature tantrum throwing spiel:

Idk the message of monster high was: "being a stereotypical teen girl"

Also the way people call g3 preschool will always make me laugh. G1 definitely had a presentation and aesthetic that wasn't real to high school. So ofc when yall compare the two they'll feel world's apart. And as a 22 year old adult(the age of this person) if you think this is for preschool I think you need to understand media and media rating. But also you are not the target audience so to be so u in arms about something you can literally ignore and not interact with???

"G3 is lame" very critical analysis. Big 22 year old thinks the show that they aren't the target audience for is lame. Also the ghoulia thing, that's not ableism, the zombies spoke zombie they were not nonverbal. I will say I love zombie as a language and definitely preferred it than whatever they decided to go with for g3 ghoulia.

Did the big bad pink skin of ghoulia hurt you? Like why are yall so stuck on that? Would yall suddenly like g3 of she was blue? The petty nitpick is crazy to me. Broken record central.

It's a reboot. Not meant to be a damn carbon copy. And g1 had some big stereotypes that yall choose to ignore. Why can yall talk about g3 and stereotypes then try and turn a blind eye to your precious g1??

Idk when g1 learn that they can be critical and admit that g1 had it's problems the world will be a brighter place for them.

[highlordofkrypton]

acotar // more fandom thoughts

This was spawned by the absolute breakdown on Threads about the "SJM creating wyverns" debacle this week. I'm going to try not to ramble, drop my points so they're out of my head.

Being a good fandom citizen

There are some things you need to experience in a fandom that teach you to be a good member of a community. I believe that one of those is having a fav, a ship, or some theory that is so niche, it's just you and two other people in that corner of your fandom.

It's a humbling experience being almost solely responsible for creating content and an environment that is welcoming to that ship. Already there's so few people to share with, you kinda don't wanna ruin your relationship with the handful of people you can gush about your favourite thing with.

When you're in a niche fandom and graced with art or a fic, you learn to be so appreciative of creatives.

Bonus points if it's a fandom who's canon source got cancelled and there is no ending, so people can and should use their imagination.

There is no qualification to being a fan, except enjoying some aspect of the work

People need to stop bringing up their degrees, their occupations, their personal experiences, their identities, etc. in hopes of disqualifying other people's enjoyment of fandom. The same goes if someone doesn't like an aspect of your media. You cannot force them to enjoy something.

You can enjoy something while acknowledging its issues

Whether it's problematic characterization, bad writing, or something else, acknowledging these things is not a reflection on you as a person. So, you like a guilty pleasure book? That's okay.

Things are personal if you make it personal

Blanket statements are a thing. Intended audiences are a thing. I don't understand why there is a discourse of 'not all readers'. If someone dislikes something that you enjoy, why is a commentary on the media an attack on your person? You can correct misconceptions, but it's important to distinguish misinformation with opinion. If you choose to argue against opinion, know that you chose this battle.

The different types of literacy

I think people are misunderstanding the nuance of literacy as well as being well-read, for lack of a better word. There is a lot of criticism about ACOTAR readers and their literacy, and people are countering with the fandom being quite avid readers, which... is not the point. The question is how the literature is consumed, processed and understood. It exists on a bigger scale than words on paper, but rather how that fits in the grand scale of things, including comparison to other literate works.

With this framework, the plagarism discussion would probably have more depth more than 'what was copied'. I think the bigger concern is about how things are used, but that's a post for another day.

I could be wrong, but these were some of the points that were floating around my mind today.

[super-hero-confessions]

I'll never understand why some people are so insecure in their tastes that they have to take opposition and claim supremacy to what they consider 'other'.

Shipping wars. Marvel vs. DC. Comics vs. Film.

Obviously, not exclusive to fiction. But a perfect example of where the worst of it starts.

I understand when something warrants actual criticism or a closer look. Fandom bullshit and bullying should always be called out. Having a fave in and of itself is understandable. But at the end of the day, this shit is supposed to be and remain fictional and it's just so ridiculous how hypocritical these people don't even realize they are.

And here's a crazy ass concept.

Why not both??

I swear these are the same type of people to think you have to choose between anal or oral. But like... you have options. You can enjoy all of them in some capacity or another and still have your faves, that is an option too.

I swear though, the acting like tween fangirls and throwing a fit or having to take a serious dig at something that isn't your absolute fave because you can't cope with your own insecurity doesn't make you look any better.

It's called being petty and childish.

Dismissive and disrespectful too when the thing that gets thrown constant digs may cover extremely important subject matter that deserves a second look more than people could possibly know. Case in point for example but not limited to?

The Boys comics.

Let me just tell you, it is just wonderful to know how little people actually care about one of the biggest detriments to human life the world has ever seen so much so that they would do exactly what the show and books criticize.

Just go, "haha, supe go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" for the show or exclusively fawn over the actors while denying or ignoring the important stuff cause porn I guess and let the rest be swept under the rug.

Because we should always blame the soldiers and veterans instead of the war profiteers and mercenaries that have kids sign contracts before they know what they're getting into and who they're really fighting for, right?

This coming from someone who has preferences and faves. Because guess what? You can like more than one thing and even have fandom discourse and discussion. You can even have reasons to not prefer something that are valid.

But when you pretend those reasons and opinions are more valid than someone who has put in the time and effort and research without a second thought? Or deny the experiences of someone who has because you couldn't be bothered to pay enough attention?

Instead of just accepting that you have a preference, that's okay, and you shouldn't have to put something down to justify your preference?

You're part of the problem. And you don't even realize it.

Fandom, like what you like. Enjoy and have fun. But please grow up and learn to be serious when appropriate instead of horrifically dismissive or taking everything as a personal attack.

Fictional stuff especially is way less important than real life stuff. Bullying should not be happening over fiction. And we should be taking the messages from the media we consume as a reason to do better and try our best to listen and learn.

And maybe don't listen to the 500 different peoples' opinions about a comic not a single one of them has bothered to actually legitimately read or even make a vague attempt to understand.

The world could be a better place.

[emblazons]

Today's discourse it still that "Will is childish and the other kids are not and Will should mature and grow up" and even some Bylers agree with the take and this is precisely why I will still think the Duffers have failed their narrative and message. Like i am sorry lol but more than half of your audience thinks that Will was being childish then that means you have failed to deliver ur message.

Honestly, and at the risk of sounding terribly elitist: just because someone is a byler does not make them good at media analysis or understanding narrative themes—especially if you’re talking about the ability to distill things down to their core themes and predicted outcomes before the story is concluded.

That’s half the reason you see people make posts about “twt bylers” and the nonsensical arguments they make over there—they love the ship, but perhaps don’t have a grasp on the core themes of the whole story well enough to make educated guesses about its themes and direction—which is (shocker) something no one is actually required to do, though this fandom seems to think (for better or worse) everyone needs to try their hand at being analytical. At least on my end, I’m glad people are trying to think deeper about things—to me, it’s better than not doing it at all lmao.

Even so—I’m not sure why you’re so adamant that the Duffers have failed at the task at hand before the exam is even finished, but I will say this: even from someone who is good at media analysis, its nonsensical to expect consistently correct foresight from people just because they enjoy a complex show, especially before they have the whole of the show to consume. TV and film requires much more awareness of several different mediums than reading or even listening to something does—and it’s not a skill you just “acquire” because you like a certain ship?

I’m confident enough in my interpretation to be both critical of some of the things the duffers have done while also accepting that they’re solid storytellers…for the audience they are writing the show for. That isn’t everyone, and never needed to be, no matter how popular the show has become. Still—if you are upset at them for not catering to a wider swath of people, that’s your right! You don’t have to be happy about it.

In my view….people have been misinterpreting even finished media since the dawn of time. That’s just part of the reality of literary analysis and fandom LMAO 🤷🏽‍♀️

[queerkuro]

wow people are getting aggressive about their takes on fanfiction

[epicspheal]

So I've noticed on Twitter that there's been a bit of discourse on the protagonists in Scarlet/Violet being able to ride Koraidon and Miraidon from what looks to be very early in the game. Honestly I can see both side of the argument For the positive I think it's really cool that gamefreak is innovating more with how they incorporate the box legendaries into the main narrative. When I saw the newest trailer and promotional material the first thing that came to mind was Nebby from Sun/Moon/USUM and Calyrex from the crown tundra DLC in being legendaries that have a more focused narrative. I kind of sense that Gamefreak is trying to combined what worked in both Nebby and Calyrex's stories into Koraidon/Miraidon's narrative. Nebby is literally one of the first things we're introduced to in the gen 7 narrative and the twist that it was the pre-evolved form of a major legendary spoken of in Alolan folklore was really cool. I think the one complaint many people (myself included) had about Nebby's story was that it should've went to Lillie because she had the greater bond to it. And so I think with Scarlet/Violet Gamefreak maybe trying to rectify that writing mistake by having the legendary bond to the player character and have a more direct connection... ...much like Calyrex. Calyrex's story and growth was really sweet to see, especially how it bonds to the player. I think with the Calyrex the biggest thing is that it just felt like the story was too short especially given the implications that Calyrex had a huge impact on ancient Galar and may have actually been part of the first battle against Eternatus (this is just a theory). So I get the sense that Gamefreak is going to probably have major lore for the Scarlet/Violet box legendaries and they're trying to make sure they have more time in the main narrative to let that lore be explored. So I think there's a lot of potential in this story to be the best legendary-centered story we've gotten thus far and I'm curious to see how this will play out. That being said, I do understand where some of the concern fans have about this. Because as with any writing trope, execution is key. A lot of the negative reactions have kind of stemmed around a recurring complaint of feeling like legendaries and mythicals are being handed out too freely and thus making them feel unearned. I do understand especially with how recent mythicals (Jirachi and Mew in BDSP for example) being just given to the player instead of at least trying to tie some story event to it (like how you get Victini in Black/White). That being said given how box legendaries are generally really powerful I'd like to think that even if the player is allowed to ride the Koraidon/Miraidon early on the game, they won't be able to formally catch/battle until the inevitable climax. But who knows, I don't work for Gamefreak. I think for me, the more valid criticism is how the legendaries being involves so early may end up straying into the "chosen one" trope which is a reviled writing narrative for many people, myself included. I want to state I don 't think that the "chosen one" trope is the worst thing ever, because there's certainly far worse. But for me it's not a personal favorite to consume in media or put in my own works (both fanfiction and my original work) unless it's a complete deconstruction. So if this whole "we meet and bond with Koraidon/Miraidon early on" storyline starts leaning more heavily into chosen one tropes, I probably won't enjoy that story that much. But luckily there seems to be more than one major storyline so all wouldn't be lost. In the end though, we're just going to have wait and see how the storyline unfolds.

[my-fall-from-grace]

some tumblr basics for any new mcyttwt twitter refugees:

- first and foremost, have fun!! we are here to have a good time and to be respectful of everyone :)

- do not engage with media if you don't enjoy it?? most important rule of thumb, not just on tumblr but everywhere! do not come into someone's ask box to criticize them, just block and move on, it's best for everyone. and the block feature is a lovely thing, feel free to use it if something makes you uncomfortable

- make sure to tag your posts if they have triggering material so people who have that tag blocked won't see the post!! ex. tw death, tw unrealization, tw discourse

- reblog reblog reblog!! especially if it's art or fic, likes don't help op get more exposure unlike on twitter, so it's important to reblog content to support them :)

- we don't really "trend" anything, it doesn't work that way. ex. instead, don't try trending "tommy pos", just fill the tag you want with positivity!

- we do not really cancel people here! we aren't restricted by a word limit so discussions on cc's actions are a lot more in-depth and we do our best to criticize respectfully. if you would like to engage, respect boundaries and be kind! consume media critically and understand the dangers of cancel culture and the differences between criticism and education

- only the first 5 tags or so actually help you show up on the search page so don't overtag anything! also do not tag dsmp stuff with mineblr or minecraft! instead, use dsmp, mcyt or with cc ign, tommyinnit, wilbur soot, etc. we are a large fandom and we need to be respectful of our tags so we don't accidentally overrun another fandom's tags

- @smp-boundaries is a fantastic resource if you ever have questions on cc's boundaries! i highly recommend everyone to give them a follow and check them out in order to make sure you're respecting cc boundaries. there are also some fantastic cc update blogs and lore summary blogs that you might want to follow

- this might be old fashioned advice from a tumblr/internet veteran, but don't put your real name/age/location in your blog! pronouns and a nickname as well as > or < 18+ works just fine! tumblr is more anonymous than other sites, so you don't have to be "yourself" on here if that makes sense

- just respect tumblr culture and ask if you need help understanding something! respect us, we'll respect you :)

if anyone has anything to add, please feel free! /gen

[liquidstar]

I feel as if many people, myself included, have been having problems with the way “critical thinking” is conducted in fandom circles more and more. Which I’d say is a good thing, because it means we’re thinking critically. But still the issues with the faux-critical mentality and with the way we consume media through that fandom group mentality are incredibly widespread at this point, despite being very flawed, and there are still plenty of people who follow it blindly, ironically.

I sort of felt like I had to examine my personal feelings on it and I ended up writing a whole novel, which I’ll put under the cut, and I do welcome other people’s voices in the matter, because while I’m being as nuanced as I can here I obviously am still writing from personal experience and may overlook some things from my limited perspective. But by and large I think I’ve dissected the phenomena as best I can from what I’ve been seeing going on in fandom circles from a safe but observable distance.

Right off the bat I want to say, I think it's incredibly good and necessary to be critical of media and understand when you should stop consuming it, but that line can be a bit circumstantial sometimes for different people. There are a lot of anime that I used to watch as a teenager that I can’t enjoy anymore, because I got more and more uncomfortable overtime with the sexualization of young characters, partly because as I was getting older I was really starting to realize how big of an issue it was, and I certainly think more critically now than I did when I was 14. Of course I don’t assume everyone who still watches certain series is a pedophile, and I do think there are plenty of fans that understand this. However I still stay away from those circles and that’s a personal choice.

I don’t think a person is morally superior based on where they draw the line and their own boundaries with this type of stuff, what’s more important is your understanding of the problem and response to it. There are series I watch that have a lot of the same issues around sexualization of the young characters in the cast, but they’re relatively toned down and I can still enjoy the aspects of the series I actually like without it feeling as uncomfortable and extreme. Others will not be able to, and their issues with it are legitimate and ones that I still ultimately agree with, but they’re still free to dislike the series for it, after all our stance on the issue itself is the same so why would I resent them for it?

Different people are bound to have different lines they draw for how far certain things can go in media before they’re uncomfortable watching it and it doesn’t make it a moral failing of the person who can put up with more if they’re still capable of understanding why it’s bad to begin with and able to not let it effect them. But I don’t think that sentiment necessarily contradicts the idea that some things really are too far gone for this to apply, the above examples aren’t the same thing as a series centered solely around lolicon ecchi and it doesn’t take a lot of deep analysis to understand why. It’s not about a personal line anymore when it comes to things that are outright propaganda or predatory with harmful ideals woven into the message of the story itself. Critical thinking means knowing the difference between these, and no one can hold your hand through it. And simply slapping “I’m critical of my interests” on your bio isn’t a get out of jail free card, it’s always evident when someone isn’t truly thinking about the impact of the media they consume through the way they consume it.

I think the issue is that when people apply “Critical thinking” they don’t actually analyze the story and its intent, messages, themes, morals, and all that. Instead they approach it completely diegetically, it’s basically the thermian argument, the issue stems from thinking about the story and characters as if they’re real people and judging their actions through that perspective, rather than something from a writer trying to deliver a narrative by using the story and characters as tools. Like how people get upset about characters behaving “problematically” without realizing that it’s an intentional aspect of the story, that the character needs to cause problems for there to be conflict. What they should be looking at instead is what their behavior represents in the real world.

You do not need to apply real-world morals to fictional characters, you need to apply them to the narrative. The story exists in the real world, the characters and events within it do not. Fictional murderers themselves do not hurt anyone, no one is actually dying at their hands, but their actions hold weight in the narrative which itself can harm real people. If the character only murders gay people then it reflects on whatever the themes and messages of the story are, and it’s a major issue if it's framed as if they’re morally justified, or as if this is a noble action. And it’s a huge red flag if people stan this character, even if the story itself actually presents their actions as reprehensible. Or cases where the murderers themselves are some kind of awful stereotype, like Buffalo Bill who presents a violent and dangerous stereotype of trans women, making the character a transmisogynistic caricature (Intentional or otherwise) that has caused a lot of harm to the perception of trans women. When people say “Fiction affects reality” this is what they mean. They do not mean “People will see a pretend bad guy and become bad” they mean “Ideals represented in fiction will be pulled from the real world and reflected back onto it.”

However, stories shouldn’t have to spoon-feed you the lesson as if you’re watching a children’s cartoon, stories often have nuances and you have to actively analyze the themes of it all to understand it’s core messages. Oftentimes it can be intentionally murky and hard to parse especially if the subject matter itself is complicated. But you can’t simply read things on the surface and think you understand everything about them, without understanding the symbolism or subtext you can leave a series like Revolutionary Girl Utena thinking the titular Utena is heterosexual and was only ever in love with her prince. Things won’t always be face-value or clear-cut and you will be forced to come to your own conclusions sometimes too.

That’s why the whole fandom-based groupthink mentality about “critical thinking” doesn’t work, because it’s not critical. It’s simply looking into the crowd, seeing people say a show is problematic, and then dropping it without truly understanding why. It’s performative, consuming the best media isn’t activism and it doesn’t make you a better person. Listening to the voices of people whom the issues directly concerns will help you form an opinion, and to understand the issues from a more knowledgeable perspective beyond your own. All that means nothing if you just sweep it under the rug because you want to look infallible in your morality. That’s not being critical, it’s just being scared to analyze yourself, as well as what you engage with. You just don’t want to think about those things and you’re afraid of being less than perfect so you pretend it never happened.

And though I’m making this post, it’s not mine or anyone else’s job to hold your hand through all this and tell you “Oh this show is okay, but this show isn't, and this book is bad etc etc etc”. Because you actually have to think for yourself, you know, critically. Examples I’ve listed aren’t rules of thumb, they’re just examples and things will vary depending on the story and circumstance. You have to look at shit on a case-by-case basis instead of relying on spotting tropes without thinking about how they’re implemented and what they mean. That’s why it’s analysis, you have to use it to understand what the narrative is communicating to its audience, explicitly or implicitly, intentionally or incidentally, and understand how this reflects the real world and what kind of impact it can have on it. 

A big problem with fandom is it has made interests synonymous with personality traits, as if every series we consume is a core part of our being, and everything we see in it reflects our viewpoints as well. So when people are told that a show they watched is problematic, they react very extremely, because they see it as basically the same thing as saying they themselves are problematic (It’s not). Everyone sees themselves as good people, they don’t want to be bad people, so this scares them and they either start hiding any evidence that they ever liked it, or they double down and start defending it despite all its flaws, often providing those aforementioned thermian arguments (“She dresses that way because of her powers!”).

That’s how you get people who call children’s cartoons “irredeemable media” and people who plaster “fiction=/= reality!” all over their blogs, both are basically trying to save face either by denying that they could ever consume anything problematic or denying that the problematic aspects exist all together. And absolutely no one is actually addressing the core issues anymore, save for those affected by them who pointed them out to begin with, only for their original point to become muffled in the discourse. No one is thinking critically because they’re more concerned with us-vs-them group mentality, both sides try to out-perform the other while the actual issue gets ignored or is used as nothing more than a gacha with no true understanding or sympathy behind it.

One of the other issues that comes from this is the fact that pretty much everyone thinks they’re the only person capable of being critical of their interests. That’s how you get those interactions where one person goes “OK [Media] fan” and another person replies “Bro you literally like [Other Media]”, because both parties think they’re the only ones capable of consuming a problematic piece of media and not becoming problematic themselves, anyone else who enjoys it is clearly incapable of being as big brained as them. It’s understandable because we know ourselves and trust ourselves more than strangers, and I’m not saying there can’t be certain fandoms who’s fans you don’t wanna interact with, but when we presume that we know better than everyone else we stop listening to other people all together. It’s good to trust your own judgement, it’s bad to assume no one else has the capacity to think for themselves either though.

The insistence that all media that you personally like is without moral failing and completely pure comes with the belief that all media that you personally dislike has to be morally bad in some way. As if you can’t just dislike a series because you find it annoying or it just doesn’t appeal to you, it has to be problematic, and you have to justify your dislike of it through that perspective. You have to believe that your view on whatever media it is is the objectively correct one, so you’ll likely pick apart all it’s flaws to prove you’re on the right side, but there’s no analysis of context or intent. Keep in mind this doesn’t necessarily mean those critiques are unfounded or invalid, but in cases like this they’re often skewed in one direction based on personal opinion. It’s just as flawed as ignoring all the faults in the stuff you like, it’s biased and subjective analysis that misses a lot of context in both cases, it’s not a good mindset to have about consuming media. It’s just another result of tying media consumption with identity and personal morals. The faux-critical mentality is an attempt to separate the two in a way that implies they’re a packaged deal to begin with, making it sort of impossible to truly do so in any meaningful way.

As far as I know this whole phenomena started with “Steven Universe Critical” in, like, 2016, and that’s where this mentality around “critical thinking” originated. It started out with just a few people correctly pointing out very legitimate issues with the series, but over time it grew into just a trend where people would make cutesy kin blogs with urls like critical-[character] or [character]crit to go with the fad as it divulged into Nostalgia Critic level critique. Of course there was backlash to this and criticism of the criticism, but no actual conversation to be had. Just people trying to out-do each other by acting as the most virtuous one in the room, and soon enough the fad became a huge echo-chamber that encouraged more and more outrageous takes for every little thing. The series itself was a children’s cartoon so it stands to reason that a lot of the fans were young teens, so this behavior isn’t too surprising and I do believe a lot of them did think they were doing the right thing, especially since it was encouraged. But that doesn’t erase the fact that there were actual real issues and concerns brought up about the series that got treated with very little sympathy and were instead drowning out people’s voices. Though those from a few years back may have grown up since and know better (Hopefully), the mentality stuck around and influenced the norm for how fandoms and fandom people conduct any sort of critique on media. 

That’s a shame to me, because the pedestal people place fandom onto has completely disrupted our perception on how to engage with media in a normal way. Not everything should be consumed with fandom in mind, not everything is a coffee-shop au with no conflict, not everything is a children’s cartoon with the morals spoon-fed to you. Fandom has grown past the years of uncritical praise of a series, it’s much more mainstream now with a lot more voices in it beyond your small community on some forum, and people are allowed to use those voices. Just because it may not be as pleasant for you now because you don’t get to just turn your brain off and ignore all the flaws doesn’t mean you can put on your rose-tinted nostalgia goggles and pretend that fandom is actually all that is good in the world, to the point where you place it above the comfort and safety of others (Oftentimes children). Being uncritical of fandom itself is just as bad as being uncritical of what you consume to begin with. 

At the end of the day it all just boils down to the ability to truly think for yourself but with sympathy and compassion for other people in mind, while also understanding that not everyone will come to the same conclusion as you and people are allowed to resent your interests. That doesn’t necessarily mean they hate you personally, you should be acknowledging the same issues after all. You can’t ignore aspects of it that aren’t convenient to your conclusion, you have to actually be critical and understand the issues to be able to form it. 

I think that all we need is to not rely on fandom to tell us what to do, but still listen to the voices of others, take them into account to form our opinion too, boost their voices instead of drowning them out in the minutiae of internet discourse about which character is too much of an asshole to like. Think about what the characters and story represent non-diegetically instead of treating them like real people and events, rather a story with an intent and message to share through its story and characters, and whatever those reflect from the real world. That’s how fiction affects reality, because it exists in reality and reflects reality through its own lens. The story itself is real, with a real impact on you and many others, so think about the impact and why it all matters. Just… Think. Listen to others but think for yourself, that’s all.

[thusatlas]

28 and 30 👀👀

For you? Anything <3

Fic Writer Ask Game

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I'm shite at deadline pressure and stress. I have plenty of it in my work life, which I tend to keep balanced on a very delicate recipe of caffeine and inventive swearing. So I like to excuse the maladaptive daydreaming for productive escapism and get lost in the story when it comes to writing. But stress and pressure are not conducive to the escapist element of escapism - thus the paradox of being an author in fandom.

With the episodic nature of fic release, it's easy for the rat brain to take over - the rush of dopamine from feedback after a chapter release is an intoxicating hit.

My biggest stressor, however, is I don't like to break a promise, and each WIP is a promise made. So writing pressure is something I've had to have a word with myself about (and by that, I mean moan to my friends until they reorganise my priorities).

Because that's the thing - priorities. I started writing to relieve stress (re: search for the escape), and I continue writing because I enjoy it (re: the escape has not yet been found). I put enough pressure on myself to finish a story, I don't need the added pressure of reader expectations.

I'm a discovery writer with a very busy life - planning is not on the cards for me. I used to get overwhelmed with it all - so I had to place boundaries on my relationship with the fandom.

I will not release an update schedule.

I will not promise to have a fic completed by a certain time.

The comment section is not a safe space for me, it is only for the readers.

If I don't make the promise in the first place, I immediately remove any stress of failing to meet expectations.

I know that some readers only read completed works - and that is something I absolutely understand! Each to their own, we all have our prefered poison. I have so many WIPs at the moment, that from a writer's pov, it would be really easy to just be buried under the pressure of completing them, let alone with outside pressure from readers wanting things completed now/to their liking.

As a fic writer in fandom space, it's fine until discourse turns to Death of the Author, because as someone funnier than me said, 'The Author isn't dead, they're just on Twitter'. So when our maladaptive daydreams are being torn apart like they're classic literature, or as if they were written as a personal attack on a person we have never met a thousand miles away, it's hard to maintain that we write for ourselves when the dejected rat brain is searching for that morsel of dopamine.

When I first started posting my writing, I really struggled with managing expectations and balancing the stress I put upon myself against the pressure that was being placed upon me. But now I am absolutely secure in the knowledge that the chapter will be completed when I've written it; the story will be finished when I'm done.

As for negative comments - I will accept constructive criticism from people I trust. That's it. Fandom has made it abundantly clear that the comment section or any social media platform, is not a safe space for the author. So I made a compromise with the internet - while people think that creators are here for the consumer's entertainment only, they can have free reign over the comment section, over whatever platform they choose to air their thoughts, but I will not listen to them. Their words will only have the value I choose to give them.

I have curated my internet and fandom experience, so I can escape the world when I have a spare hour. I write to keep the promises I've made to the story, everything else is noise. If readers want to join me in my search for escape, then the more the merrier, but don't be a buzz kill.

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

(Unbeta'd)

“He’s antsy,” Harry interrupted, following him at a more sedate pace. “But he does have a point – this is taking too long.”

“Have you found something useful yet?” Draco said, taking a step back; Hermione straightened, filling her chest with a deep breath, soaking in the space she hadn’t realised she’d lost. “A map to their lair?” Draco continued. “A recipe for their sacrificial spell? A roster for their members? Anything at all?” 

Nott stopped short, his fists notched on his hips. “The longer we spend pissing about these libraries, the more we may as well just stick a big target on your back advertising your whereabouts.”

Hermione almost laughed at hearing her own words in Nott’s voice. 

“It’s almost like people should listen to me,” she said, turning pointedly back to the shelf. 

A short low rumble echoed against the marble floors and Draco turned to pace away down the aisle. 

Hermione watched as his hands slipped into his pockets when he stopped, his head bowed creating a perfectly taut line of sinew beneath his shirt. 

How was this peace? She could reasonably understand how the lack of Voldemort’s presence was a significant improvement on matters, but his life was still being threatened. Everything about him screamed tension, a wire a hair’s breadth from snapping. 

Draco’s shoulders heaved as he took a breath, and he turned slightly, his head still bowed, his eyes meeting hers through the white hair that fell over his forehead. 

A pull. 

A catch in her breath. 

She could see the anger brimming just beneath the surface of his carefully curated mask, the glow of the molten mercury burning his gaze. Though he’d made himself smaller, he filled the room, stealing her air, commanding the storm that brewed in her.

A tempest caught in a tailored suit. 

[colorisbyshe]

Why do you think straight women are so obsessed with m/m sex? It isn’t comparable to like the scope and harm and shit of straight men obsessed with lesbian porn, but it’s bizarre to me all the same. I feel like the whole “media doesn’t have female characters” thing is just an excuse when fandom will create a whole ass backstory for a background character that showed up on just episode just bc he was played by a white actor.

Eh, lots of reasons, some understandable and some not—

-Women’s sexual desire being stigmatized and also like… completely removed from agency. When your body is made to be an object, receptacle of sexual desire, while men are the driving force in sex—the ones whose desires matter and will be acted upon—it’s easy to be divorced from your own sexuality and seek out exploration and satisfaction elsewhere.

I’m saying this sloppily. But like… women are discouraged from actually centering themselves in sex. Often, sex is about what men desire, what makes men feel good.

So, I can imagine in a lot of cases, wires sort of get crossed, and it becomes easier for women to fully removes themselves or similacrum of themselves from sexual satisfaction or even romantic satisfaction and make it wholly about male pleasure. About men pleasuring men.

The specter of the woman and all the stigma no longer haunts the pursuit of the erotic.

Maybe in exploring the tabooness of gay sex becomes a metaphor for the taboo in owning female sexuality. When it becomes about accepting other peoples stigmatized sexual desires, it’s easier to explore and own than it is with your own sexual desires.

Or, y’unno, if you find men hot, wouldn’t you find two men hot?

Could be the tabooness of gay sex making it hot for them—like it being “deviant” to them makes it naughty, demeaning. Lots of bigots seek out sexual gratification from things and people that repulse them, the repulsion just makes it hotter because it’s off limits and yet they’re still indulging. Lots of “kinks” (please note the quotation marks here) function liek this.

Could be anywhere on the fetishization spectrum.

Could be… the types of male bodies they like show up more in m/m content than in m/f content.

Could be different types of personality and dynamics are present in m/m content.

Could be a power play over men—like these women think men being penetrated makes them weaker and thus “on the same level” as them. A nice homophobia/misogyny combo. See: the pegging discourse

I don’t really feel comfortable ascribing one single reason for this phenomenon

I also don’t feel comfortable fully ascribing female consumption of m/m to straight girls. A lot of is coming from bi girls and… yes, lesbians.

Do the potential reasons change or become more sympathetic when we acknowledge that? Is there more nuance? I don’t know.

Could it just be human sexuality is crazy and sometimes things are more complicated without being malicious or bad.

Maybe for some people it’s because they really, truly only can see men as fully fleshed our character and humans because they’ve been socialized to. That they have more sympathy and room to flesh out flat male characters because the flaws they see in weak female characters feel more like criticisms they receive personally.

Maybe it’s all of these things at once for people.

There’s a whole range of “evil fetishizer” and “relatively innocent person just enjoying content that speaks to them” and I can’t clump everyone to own side.

Maybe the straight girls exploring m/m are gonna be gay/bi guys five years down the road and they just didn’t understand why the content spoke to them at the time.

Maybe it’s cause most het content sucks ass and female characters don’t interact enough. Maybe they’re lesbophobic and just don’t want to engage in lesbian content to make up for m/f sucking.

But then, again, lots of lesbians consume more m/m than f/f.

It’s all gonna come down to different applications and responses to misogyny and/or homophobia. YMMV depending on who the girl consuming m/m is and how she’s consuming

The girl diddling herself to her semes and ukes probably isn’t the same as the girl who cried over a gay indie flick but maybe they are the same girl.

Who knows! This is a topic fit for a psychology study and a 50 page essay, not a tumblr ask

Didn’t even get into how m/m ships racistly can be used to avoid m/f ships featuring women of color while some are being done for girlies to pat themselves on the back for being progressive (saw that a LOT with people shipping Finnpoe). Two different sides of the racism coin.

Like… there are so many angles here. Lots of them evil, some of them… sympathetic (?), some of them banal, and some of them batshit fucking insane.

I’ve only scratched the surface.

But tbh I only rly care that much when the content is actually harmful and homophobic. Cause a lot of the time it just turns into a weird witch hunt where we find out that gasp the girl involved was bi or a lesbian and it’s like… I don’t need to have another dialogue on if it’s homophobic for lesbians and bisexual girls to get off to gay dudes. I don’t see the net benefit there.

It’s complicated. It’s simple. Idk man.

Depends on the girlie. Depends on what domain of m/m content she’s in. Depends on if the content she’s consuming would send her to instant hell for what’s involved.

I don’t have answers, just more questions

I don’t really find the conversation to be productive without specifics, tbh.

[trans-xianxian]

respectfully, asexual people can and do enjoy sex, but i can understand why you feel like that is homophobic. especially as desexualization can be a sensitive topic, and for good reason... but gay sex is something asexual people can and do enjoy and take part in willingly. im not trying to be argumentative here! or even really disagree with you, honestly, if you saw an ace hc and sensed homophobia you probably have a good eye for it! i definitely agree if someone doesn't know that ace people aren't all repulsed by the act there's a greater level of suspicion there. its not something i expect everyone to know or think too hard about

respectfully, and first of all, my post is not about asexuality or how it functions as a sexual orientation or what asexual people feel and do. I assumed I had made that clear when I said that my post is not an invitation for ace discourse. while I wouldn't categorize this ask as "ace discourse" per say, what you're talking about here is not what my post is about regardless and it is ignoring what I'm saying about the way sex between gay characters is treated in favor of discussing the intricacies of asexuality

second of all, I state clearly that I am talking about Sexual Attraction. I know that asexual people can and do have sex, and that they can and do enjoy it, but regardless of that fact, they do not feel sexual attraction. wei wuxian and lan wangji are depicted as feeling sexual attraction for each other, there is not only a sexual relationship between them and the enjoyment of sexual activities, but attraction to each other in a sexual way. that's just a true fact about them as characters. headcanoning one or both of them as asexual, thus stripping them of feelings of sexual attraction, regardless of whether or not you think they would maintain a sexual relationship despite a lack of sexual attraction, is homophobic. as I said, I don't have a problem with asexual headcanons for canonically mlm characters in general, someone can be gay/bi and asexual and I am aware of this, but taking sexual attraction out of a relationship between two men who are explicitly shown to feel sexual attraction for each other, is an issue. the problem does not only lie in the way the act of gay sex is treated and talked about, but the feeling of gay sexual Attraction as well. I apologize if this was not clear in the original post. I suggest you also read the ask I answered before this as well for some important additional perspective on headcanons and why context and critical analysis of your own views as well as the content you are consuming is important

lastly, this ask comes off as patronizing and overly personal. beginning by referring to me, a gay man, calling out homophobia as me """feeling like""" something is homophobic is invalidating, and the way this ask is worded like it's trying to "educate" me comes off condescending and presumptuous rather than informative or helpful, regardless of my prior knowledge on the subject

it may seem silly or overdramatic to get so serious about sexuality headcanons for fictional characters - wei wuxian and lan wangji aren't real people and they can't actually Feel or Think anything - but, as we know, fiction affects reality, and it's important that we talk about the ways that gay sex and gay sexual attraction are treated in media and in fan spaces

I don't think you had ill intentions sending this or that it's coming from a bad place, but I have a right to disagree with you and call out your behavior, even if you aren't being malicious or hateful. I hope that you and other people that might read this can understand that and that you will genuinely take my words into consideration

[toranekooo]

｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟABOUT ME!

you can call me... lucia, neko, and ess! \(๑╹◡╹๑)ﾉ♬

my pronouns are... they/them, comf/comfyself & sugar/sugarself! ヽ(｡◕o◕｡)ﾉ

i am... SEA (southeast asian) !! (＾∇＾)ﾉ♪

i enjoy... writing, reading genshin lore, playing horror games and watching movies, directing and writing scripts for plays!

i love listening to... Honeyworks, takayan, and TUYU!!

i love watching... bsd wan and yagakimi! they're both comfort shows for me at this point (´；ω；｀)

i am currently listening to... yun jin's opera (devastation and redemption) by yang yang <3

i am currently watching... hypnosis mic and vanitas no carte!!

longer, more in-depth, and completely optional mod talks under the cut!

you want to get to know me? that's really sweet! :D

my name is lucia/neko, you can call me mod neko/lucia or just that! i also use the names sushi, ess, yen, and miko, feel free to use them anytime you like, or call me by any kin names!

i'm taken, sapphic, faesari, and aceflux! i use they/them and neopronouns like comf/comfyself and sugar/sugarself and others!

i dislike discourse vehemently and have no intention of participating in any kind of it. if you intend to bring strife and hate on my blog, i will be blocking you without a second thought. this includes kinning discourse, editing blog discourse, irl discourse, or fictional/media discourse. if you don't see me speaking up about a certain issue, that means i have little to no interest, involvement, or opinion in it and defer from having such at any point.

i'm not the most knowledgeable person around but i try my best to read up and i consume all content critically.

my main personal fandom blog is @amodernpersephone! which is entirely different from this one and mostly fandom-based with some interaction from my mutuals! they stop by my blog a lot and i think they're sweet~

i'm really talkative! feel free to send me an ask, i like making new friends! although i can't guarantee an immediate reply, i'll do my best to talk as often as i can. i don't bite, i promise!

english isn't my first language and i tend to speak a bit...eloquently? i'm sorry if anyone's weirded out! i also refer to myself in third person at times or don't refer to myself at all.

if you ever want to play genshin with me, just say so! i'm on asia server and ar50, a beidou main! not exactly the best at gameplay but i try~! shoot me an ask if you ever want to play together!

i started this blog on a whim and my url means tiger cat/tiger tabby cat/tabby cat! which is what lucy from bsd used to call atsushi as, i just thought it was really cute~

also, i don't mind spam liking/spam reblogging! no need to space it out or trouble yourself, i think it's sweet when people like my work a lot!!

i make xenogenders for my own enjoyment too! although please know I don't take requests for them~!

and finally, i'm sure my editing style isn't everyone's cup of tea. i'm well aware that most times my colors can be off or my understanding of a theme isn't the best. i mostly edit with the thought of making myself happy foremost, because this is a hobby and an enjoyment i don't want to slowly burden myself with. but i'll still do my best to hopefully live up to your expectations!

fun fact: i think ducks and cats should be friends. no context, i just want a duck and a cat to be friends. pure wholesomeness-

that wraps it up! thank you so much for taking your time in reading this!

[petruchio]

i'm low key actually here for the aesthetics discussion about enjoying media critically vs. uncritically -- i feel like everyone's looking for a different type of catharsis, but in this case we're using what we hate about the movie to express what we actually love about the characters/message, and that's really interesting

yes i think that's a really interesting point!! the reason i was thinking about it is because in my aesthetics class we've been talking a lot about beauty, and a lot of classic aesthetics theory relies on the idea that we basically just consume things that we think are beautiful and avoid the things we don't find beautiful. and so one thing that we've been thinking about in my class in context of all of this is the phenomenon of the "hate watch" or "cringe culture" and things like that. like when if you watch something that you don't find beautiful, and you seek out that art with the intention of consuming it despite your feeling that it is not beautiful, how does that slot into our understanding of why we consume art at all?

like, i watched all three kissing booth movies. it wasn't because i *enjoyed* them, or found them beautiful, i watched them because... i hated them? and that was fun for me? i mean you could just give it a sontagian reading and say i did it because they're camp, and i guess that would be fair to say but i also think there's more there.

i'm currently very into the social construction of the aesthetic, and how so many of these complex phenomena in aesthetics like "hate watching" and "camp" rely on the social construction of beauty and good taste and that what we are seeking when we hate watch is not necessarily some kind of self-actualization but rather a public confirmation of our own aesthetic taste and social connection over a mutual hatred of said aesthetic object.

but i think you're right that the thg movies provide a really interesting entry into this in that the hate watch is not a pure hate watch in the sense that we are using the hate watch to boost UP another piece of art which we genuinely do find beautiful? (and i use the word beautiful here in the abstract sense of like, art that reaches towards some ideal plane of artistic genius) so the hate watch in this instance is actually something of a middle ground between the seeking of genuine beauty and the act of a pure hate watch.

then again, one of the key features of much aesthetic discourse is that the  least beautiful form of art is not in fact that which is merely unappealing on its own merit but rather that which represents a failed imitation of true beauty. so in that sense, the thg movies really ARE more aesthetically barren than the kissing booth movies. BOOM HOT TAKE TIME

[whatdoyouwanttobecalled-1]

Welcome To Another Rant About The Bi/Pan Discourse

(people who genuinely want to have a conversation where we're all respectful of eo are welcome to debate, discuss, and ask questions, if you're being rude, downright hateful, disrespectful, etc, you will be blocked bc I can't fucking be bothered ty)

1. Can we stop comparing pansexuals to super straights???

Regardless of how you feel about pansexuality that's just fucking disgusting end of discussion

2. Can cis people pls stop speaking for and over trans people when it comes to this and well literally everything and anything else?

I've yet seen v few trans or nb people say that the fact that there are multiple mspec labels is transphobic or othering in itself. And yk, democracy exists for a reason, so unless it's a majority opinion then while it's valid it's not enough to justify saying that we're all transphobic. Just yesterday I was talking about this w my whole friend group, and lemme just give you an overview of who's in this group: 1 cishet girl, a possible aroace girl, 2 people questioning their gender, 4 cis bisexual girls, a bisexual trans nb (afab, uses he/they pronouns), my genderqueer girlfriend who's possibly on the ace spectrum and who used to identify as trans boy, my non binary omnisexual best friend of 5 years, and an aroace nb

Not 1 person in that group has a problem w mspec identities

Not 1 person in that group knows anyone who has a problem w mspec identities

Literally not 1 of them thinks that any mspec identity is harmful to any community

Since seeing all this discourse and the fact that transphobia is often the main argument as why we shouldn't have multiple mspec identities, and before I started identifying as pan and was identifying as bi, they all had the same opinion they do now

I've also seen countless posts saying "but mspec identities are transphobic and biphobic by extension", where the replies are filled w trans and nb people saying to stfu and that they don't have a problem w them

Stop using trans people as a scapegoat and let them speak

3. I've yet to see 1 argument as to why mspec identities are harmful to bisexuality that isn't referring to v small percentages of each community, and that couldn't be solved by the entire lgbtq+ community universally deciding to stop treating eo like shit

"some pan/omni/polysexuals only identify that way bc of internalised biphobia"

Keyword: some

Not all

Not most

Some

Most of us just enjoy having a more specific label bc the mspec community is so big and varied and having a smaller more specific community to identify w makes us feel more confident and valid in our identities

In fact a large amount of us use our label interchangeably w bi bc guess what? We know we could identify that way if we wanted something more vague

"I like identifying as bi bc it's vague and that's kinda the point"

Okay

That's really cool

I like identifying as pan bc it's not vague and that's the point

Also if you're asking "how are these labels more specific?", but then saying you like identifying as bi bc it's more vague and inclusive of all mspec identities at the same time...do you not see how you're contradicting yourself???

"having so many labels confuses people"

If you're bi (or any other sexuality) and confused by the different labels refer to my previous points or ask me I'm happy to explain

If you're referring to straight people then...stfu they're not part of this community it doesn't effect them (ofc if you're straight and looking for education or clarification, that's fine, I'm talking about people who say it's wrong bc straight people don't understand it)

"it makes us look like a joke"

It really doesn't 1st of all

And even if it did

It's only to a certain group of people

Who I thought we were past the point of conforming for

Who see us as a joke anyway regardless of what we do

???

There are a lot more but you get the point

Long story short:

You don't have to understand something to respect it

Microlabels hurt nobody, you're just believing the uneducated people you see on the internet

Pls do your research

Don't even come at me w "do your research" believe me, I have, I dealt w internalised homophobia and internalised biphobia for years before I came out but after doing my research and accepting myself I can assure you I've done my research

Don't be a dick

Listen to trans and nb people instead of talking over them

Remember that there are problems within every community but that doesn't mean we should just get rid of them, we should just remember to be critical of the media we consume, and the ideas we form

Just let people identify how they want smh it's not that hard

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don��t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books