#i usually edit and make my own icons so i thought i’d share some of them!

[teacupsandcyanide]

how to customise your blog from within the app

With the whole Twitter exploding into a million tiny pieces situation we’re seeing a lot of people who haven’t been around for a good while or are completely/mostly new to Tumblr, and I’ve been seeing a lot of posts from regular tumblrinas saying “please change from the default icon and settings, you look like a bot”. I’ve been wanting to make some posts about fun ways to customise your tumblr experience and I thought I’d start with a basic bitch tutorial on what you can customise from within the app.

To give the app version of your blog the equivalent of a sick new haircut, go to the lil guy who lives in the bottom right? (?? I think it’s the right. I have dyscalculia but I promise I’m otherwise mostly reliable) side of your dash. Give him a smack on his phat bald head to gain entry to your profile page. Then go to the paint palette icon at the top of your profile.

From here you can change four five things:

Your blog title. This is different from your url and it doesn’t have to match your url or be unique, unless you personally feel the need to be unique. You can change it by tapping it to start editing; when you do you’ll see three menus come up. “Title” is where you change what the title is. “Font” allows you to select a font and some of the fonts have a bolded option. “Colour” will give you a colour sampler to pick a colour from. You don’t have to have a title and you can turn it off under the “font” menu, but having one will make it clearer that you aren’t a bot, especially if you don’t choose “sexyangiebabymilf6969” for your title.

Your bio. I have a Van Gogh quote because I have a separate about page*, so I’m fine letting my bio just be a faintly pretentious smudge of mystique. Other people will often have whatever name they go by online, their pronouns, and sometimes their age and what their main interests are, eg fandom, hobbies, special interests, you know, the neurodiverse slut stuff. People also put links there sometimes using html coding*, like the kids put their caard and some people put ko-fi. You can change your bio by tapping on it to edit. You don’t have to have a bio and can turn it off, but if you have one people will be much less likely to think you’re a bot, and they’ll get some vague idea of who you are and what content you like to paste into your online scrapbook.

Your blog background colour. This can be changed by tapping on the “background” button.

Your accent colour. This can be changed by tapping on the “accent” button.

Your header image. This can be changed by tapping on your header, and you’re able to zoom into a chosen picture to or drag it to reposition. You can also turn off your header or choose whether or not to stretch the image to the necessary size.

Your icon/avatar. This can be changed by tapping on the icon. You can choose to hide your avatar on your profile (it will still be visible on the dash), and select a square or round frame.

Extra note on colour customising. You can pick out a truly custom colour by messing about with the slider and colour sampler, but if you want quick and easy or you’re shite at colour sampling you can click on the circles of colour above the slider to see a range of different preset shades, including greyscale. Each circle has a range of a few pages you can swipe through. If they all turn out to be shite you can go back to the slider by clicking the rainbow circle.

Each time you change an aspect of your profile and are satisfied with it, hit “update” up in the corner before moving to the next thing. Once all the edits are made save them by hitting “save”, also in the upper corner.

Resources for headers and icons can be found by looking through the “headers” and “icons” tags. Please follow the rules of the people who make and share those (they’re usually just “don’t claim it’s your edit, don’t repost, and leave a like or reblog” but each person has their own). I’d also recommend image searching for patterns, as you can tile your header if you use a seamless pattern image, and looking through livejournal for icons (again, please follow creator rules, icons take time to make).

*This post is hopefully a precursor to a post or numerous posts about how you can customise your blog outside the app appearance, including adding pages and using coding to put links wherever you want, and I plan to link to more resources for customisation in said post/s. When/if I get around to writing that I’ll drop a link in a comment or reblog of this post.

Godspeed, have fun finding out how much of the bee movie script you can fit in your bio I remain ever faithfully yours etc

[floraldrizzle]

dear evan hansen icons - 1/?

mallory bechtel

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Which member do you think is the most supportive of VMIN?

Admin 1: For a change I’ll be the one that’ll use comparatively few words since I don’t have that big of an opinion. As much as I enjoy joining in on the jokes about how Jimin is the president of the Namjinists (due to his April Fool’s Day joke tweet from years ago and other such things), I’ve never given much thought to who among the members might be the most supportive of vmin.

But perhaps I’d say it could be Hoseok due to his general fondness of both Jimin and Tae as individuals but also as them together, how he said his favorite song off of MOTS7 is Friends and even sung it during the FESTA karaoke with the iconic (very suggestive and heavy on the implications) hip thrust during Tae’s “hey, Jimin, oneul” part. I’m sure you know exactly what I mean. Also if we consider that Jimin and Hoseok were roommates for a long time, I guess it wouldn’t be too far-fetched of an assumption to make on my part that surely they had a number of deep late night talks over the years, and chances are Jimin would’ve sought out advice from Hoseok during one of them, perhaps even confided in him about his feelings for Tae (regardless which ones, both would be valid and something you’d talk about with a close friend).

Another option might be Namjoon, since he’s the leader and thus certainly the person who would have to know about such developments within the group for obvious reasons, but also it seems like Namjoon sought out consolation and advice from both Jimin (like that scene in BV4 around the bonfire off to the side from the group) and Tae (like the story he told at 5th Muster Seoul (?) about how he was kind of sad/feeling off so he talked to Tae before the encore and what Tae said made him feel better), meaning they are more than close enough to bring up certain topics with each other. So, based on that, it doesn’t seem too much of a stretch that he would stand up/look out for them if need be in conversations with BH etc.

That being said, regardless of how we interpret vmin and their bond, I think it’s safe to say that all the members are endlessly supportive of them, just like they are with any other duo within the group, though it’s easy to see that they do highlight vmin at times as something…special. A bond that’s noteworthy, stands out, even within a group as close as they are.

Admin 2: Chances are that what I think and am about to say might be a bit controversial. At the same time I’d like to note that this is only my personal opinion and theory, and not some kind of proven fact, yes? Perhaps no one will agree with me, but after putting many thoughts into this and looking at different content and events that have transpired over the years, as well as some other factors I’ll explain later, these are the conclusions I’ve drawn when it comes to the members and vmin. Furthermore, I don’t want to negate/comment on other ships since those don’t really play any role in this the way some might assume.

I think it’s important to remember that BTS basically exist in two version (though they are closely intertwined):

1: the idols on screen, who stand on stage, who share their music with us, who film content and who, to a certain degree, play a role, keep up an appearance that’s part honest and part mystery.

“I think V can show parts of Kim Taehyung and parts of V, but Kim Taehyung can’t show V. Kim Taehyung is Kim Taehyung. Kim Taehyung is someone who’s still filled with a lot of curiosity and he’s inquisitive about a lot of things. There are so many things he wants to do. Also I think there’s so many things he is curious about.” – Tae, Break the Silence: Persona

2: the real-life humans with private lives, private friendships and personalities that are similar but not quite the same as what we know and see.

Both of these are real in their own right, and both of them influence each other in more ways than one. So, when we look at vmin in the context of both, the question of support and showing certain things and how those affect version 1 and 2 are tricky, multifaceted and much more complex than some imagine or present it as. Because the moment we assume private life vmin are real, that sort of swift in dynamic ultimately also affects their work and demands adjustments from all parties involved, especially the other members. A large portion of what they do and say on screen or anywhere that we can see it is, to a certain degree, planned or has been discussed prior.

More below the cut since this kind of got long:

In one of the Break the Silence episodes Namjoon spoke about how with the more recent tours they haven’t been really able to do as much “free style” stuff (as in moving freely around stage and being silly, that sort of thing) between songs with choreographies, as opposed to how it used to be in the early days, since much of the show is perfectly timed and planned down to every little detail and every single light surrounding the stage. Much the same way everything else sure is, too. Look at RUN, even there you can notice them looking at printed out pages that surely contain a short storyboard of how the episode should more or less go in general terms, since that makes editing and keeping things cohesive much easier, especially since BTS are seven people, therefore seven moving independent variables.

Keeping all of this in mind, I’ve come to the conclusion that, in my opinion, the biggest vmin supporter is JK, followed by Hobi and Namjoon. I don’t mean, by any means, that completely idiotic theory some have created that one ship hides another, because that isn’t at all what I am going for with this. Of course Tae and JK are T*ek*ok (a subunit name they’ve after all created themselves though that context of that moment has long been changed by people) and Jimin and JK are J*ko*k, and depending on the demand (from a PR point of view as well as those of fans) and situations, those ships are utilized/highlighted in certain ways to achieve certain things. With this I don’t mean to belittle the actual real-life bonds between the real-life members, merely the “fantasy” versions created in large parts by shippers.

But that isn’t what I mean. Let me explain.

There are several situations that I think support my theory/opinion, past and more recent, but for the sake of fresh memories that we’ll all be able to recall, I’ll use more recent ones. During their vlive when BE and Life Goes On were just released, the one where they wore PJs, had pizza and that cardboard cutout of Yoongi, there was a moment when Tae was supposed to put lipstick on Jimin. He pulled Jimin close with his arm around his shoulder while Jimin giggled and playfully pretended to try and push him away or stop him from doing it, despite seemingly holding on to his top to keep him close anyway. While that was happening, the other members checked what they were doing and notably JK, upon seeing what vmin were up to, moved a few steps away closer toward the cameras and stood as though between vmin and said cameras while holding that silver screen thing used for lighting in photography (I’m not sure how it’s called). Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but seeing as Namjoon, who carried the Yoongi cutout, joined him, it seemed like they were trying to hide vmin, which of course didn’t work out since the producers simply switched to a different camera.

This might be me going temporarily delulu but toward the end of that sequence there was a moment where we couldn’t see much of vmin save for the tops of their heads. At some point Tae made a move with his head which some (including myself) have interpreted as a potential smooch (as in an actual one or just him pretending/doing the motion of it, that’s up for debate) which caused Hobi to break out in loud laughter.

A second example is day two of MOTS ON:E when it was time for Dynamite. Usually vmin just walk past each other doing something funny or interacting in some way, but on that day instead Jimin pulled Tae closer, enough so that their foreheads touched, and they looked at each other in quite a meaningful way. At the same time JK stood right behind them, since he’s the one that opens the song, and watched what was happening. Just like with the above example, he stepped toward them and put his hand on the back of Tae’s head in a gesture that I interpreted as a form of safety measurement that IF vmin were to potentially do something…risky, he could intervene by quite literally pulling them apart/stopping them. This moment of course has been twisted and manipulated in many different ways to, for example, showcase some supposed jealousy or alike, but I think that’s just plain stupid.

I’d also like to show you a few other pictures that I think show us the kind of dynamic he really has with vmin, how he watches (over) his hyungs with affection and support, so to speak:

(the following pictures, left to right: JM, JK, TH)

The sole fact that three maknae ships can exist simultaneously, while vmin might be the likely one to be real, in my opinion shows that everything between the three of them must be more than okay, that there’s harmony and understanding between them, everyone knowing their place/role exactly, that there’s no jealousy or other negative emotions involved. Even more so when we consider the stakes that come with it all, at the top of it all being money, not only for the members but also BH (including everyone who invested money in stocks, as well as all their employees that need to be paid). And the fact that BTS aren’t rookies anymore, but instead they have a big and very relevant role in a broader sense when it comes to influence, power, and fame.

Look at how professional they are when it comes to being idols and everything that entails, including shipping. Just look at how despite Tae’s Weverse comment to that one shipper, and the conversation in In The Soop, they played their roles so convincingly that no one who is in favor of that ship is willing to believe them or consider that perhaps they were wrong. But, this is more of a topic for another post, so I’ll leave it at that.

Looking at all these moments, bigger and smaller ones, gestures that some didn’t even notice or did but interpreted in a completely different way for their own reasons, it brought me to the conclusion that JK is their biggest supporter.

Just like Admin 1 said, I also think that Hobi and Namjoon are big supporter as well. Although I can’t for the life of me remember the piece of content where he said this (if anyone knows, please do let me know), I recall a moment where Namjoon spoke to Tae and said that he’s his responsibility, which made me wonder if that perhaps meant that Namjoon gave his vote of confidence about Tae (and vmin) to BH or agreed to keep an eye on him/them to keep them in check. But that’s just a thought/theory.

At the end of the day, whatever our opinion may be, we have to remember that we know very little about their private life, a tiny percentage if even, so it’s important to stick to/pay attention to/based our opinions on the original material and what the members say, instead of taking into account edited videos on YT or opinions influenced by others agendas, but that, too, is something to be discussed in a different post.

Thank you for this interesting question!

[prettywordsyouleft]

To Be Continued - Part 2

Summary: As an author, you had created Brian Kang for your current trilogy series to represent the ultimate man that everyone would love, along with Charli Evers - your female protagonist. What you hadn’t expected was for him to find a way out of the story and begin shaping up your world instead

Pairing: Brian Kang x female writer (ft. Park Sungjin)

Genre: writer au / romance / fantasy

Warnings: fictional characters coming to life / a bit of angst here and there / Sungjin as a cop (or does that only affect me?) >_>

Word count: 2205

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue 

Once you stopped laughing with your panic, you did what any other logically thinking person would do and rang the police. And you waited at your front door, not touching anything within your home in case you tampered the evidence further. You were already scolding yourself for eating the food prepared for you. What if it had been poisoned? You thankfully didn’t feel any worse off with your cold, if anything, you felt loads better.

Still, the anxiety ran high within you until the two officers finished checking everything over.

“It looks like the person who did this knows you intimately,” Constable Park said with a brief frown. “We’ll run the fingerprints we’ve managed to find through our system to see if they’re in it but I’m not sure what more help we can give you, Miss L/N.”

“Thank you, Constable, I appreciate your efforts all the same.”

“You said you’re a famous author, right?”

You grimaced. “I wouldn’t say famous.”

“I’ve heard of your name before,” Officer Yoon mentioned with a sheepish grin when you glanced at him in surprise. He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck. “My girlfriend reads your stories.”

“Ah. Please tell her I said thanks.”

“Could I actually get your autograph to give to her? I’d be in her best books for-”

“Dowoon!” Constable Park cut in sternly, causing the taller man to shrink back.

“I don’t mind,” you offered and headed back to your office for a pen and paper. You stopped when you noticed your favourite pen was missing. Surmising it had been moved during the police search; you reached for another pen and then wrote down a quick message for the young officer’s girlfriend before signing it.

You stopped again, staring at the message still displayed on your screen.

Your biggest fan.

Constable Park was back at your side again and you glanced up at him. “You mentioned just now about me being known and the message here…”

“Just make sure you keep the doors locked and maybe invite someone around to stay with you for the time being. As harmless as it’s all been, we do have more than one fingerprint detected today. Since you live alone and haven’t had anyone over in some time, we can confirm there was a second person in here last night. I know it’s easy to spend time being grateful to your avid followers but be careful with who you share your personal information with.”

A chill shuddered its way down your spine and you nodded hastily, taking the card the man held out. He smiled comfortingly. “If you have any other problems, Miss L/N, this is my direct line. Contact me right away, okay?”

“Thank you, Constable Park,” you replied weakly, reading the card and finding that his first name was Sungjin. You smiled when you looked back up at him. “I appreciate it.”

“Alright Dowoon, let’s head out and I’ll be in contact when we’ve checked the database,” Sungjin – Constable Park – stated and you nodded once more as you handed the autograph to his colleague. Dowoon grinned bashfully and thanked you all the way back to your front door, where you fare-welled the pair.

And promptly locked and latched the front door.

You had lived alone since your early twenties, too independent to work well with roommates. Whilst you had started out in a small, frigid apartment, you had cherished the space alone to create your fantasies into novels. You had only moved to your modest villa within the last year and adopted Binks, the only company you needed on a daily basis outside of your characters.

You weren’t recluse by any means, you just preferred your own company. Socialising was exhausting for your introverted ways, and even though you wanted to play it safe, you slumped down on the couch after the police left and groaned at how exhausting today had been so far.

“I’m sick, that’s adding to it,” you said out loud, and then caught yourself doing so, snapping back upright in your position. “I talk out loud to myself a lot, don’t I?”

Of course, your belongings didn’t reply. And Binks had gone into hiding when Sungjin and Dowoon were here, being afraid of men entirely.

Thinking over the care the stranger had given to even your cat, you decided they had to be female. It didn’t ease your mind any assigning a gender to this person. But it did help you feel as if you were getting somewhere with the mystery behind it.

“And once the police run all the necessary checks, hopefully, I’ll have more answers,” you announced, groaning when you had realised you spoke out loud again. “Oh, whatever! I don’t have to keep my thoughts locked up inside my head or spoken through my fingertips into a word document either! My house, my life!”

And with that, you got up and went back to your desk where you tried to seek out some normalcy for the rest of your day.

You checked emails before conversing with Lily who was animatedly retelling you of her reactions to the final part of the manuscript you sent her. You mentioned to her about what happened too. Lily, however, seemed to be more concerned about something you had written, after exclaiming over your safety. You watched the video screen where your editor, and probably the person who knew you the most aside from your mother, struggled with something.

You frowned. “What is it?”

“You didn’t put your usual The End at the final part for me.”

“Yes I did,” you corrected, leaning back in your chair. “You know me. I always put it at the end of every manuscript so you can’t nag me for more words. The End means I’m not adding to this story anymore!”

“You didn’t put it, Y/N,” she repeated, glancing up at you curiously through her laptop’s camera. “You put something else.”

“Look, I’ll prove it to you,” you announced with pure conviction, clicking on the word document icon on the taskbar and then stopped momentarily when you finally noticed that the story was still open. “That’s strange. I know I closed out of it last night.”

“Out of what?” she asked as you clicked on the tab and watched the document appear on the screen.

You immediately gasped. There, after the final scene of Charli and Brian, was no longer The End as Lily had announced. Instead, the words, To Be Continued had been placed there.

“I didn’t put that there,” you whispered and Lily laughed, unconvinced.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Y/N! Who else would have?”

“I sent it to you right after I finished and I swear I had The End written there.”

“Maybe your writing muse changed it on you,” she teased but you didn’t join her in the amusement. She sensed your shock and blinked a couple of times before focusing back on you. “You really didn’t do it?”

“What if they changed the whole story?!” you shrieked as you jumped to the worst conclusion, scrolling up until you found the line that Brian had spoken to Charli about waiting for an eternity for her. You relaxed a little when everything appeared to be in order. “Maybe I’ll name the third book in this series, Eternity.”

“Wow, just like that, you calmed down,” Lily observed and then nodded. “I like that.”

“I don’t know. I’m just a little sensitive.”

“You were taking medicine last night for the cold, right?” You nodded at Lily’s question and the woman smiled knowingly. “Maybe you took too much at once and hallucinated a little. Or blacked out and can’t remember much.”

“I’m changing it back to The End,” you told her, typing it as you did so. Closing the document, you smiled brightly at the video call. “I’m not adding any further words to Captivated, you hear me? You work your editing magic and I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Yes, Boss!” she cheered, waving to end the call and you powered off your laptop then, making sure to shut the lid down as well.

After finding Binks, you scooped him up in your arms, checked all the doors a final time before heading off to bed for much-needed rest.

You were still a little sick, after all.

You awoke to the sound of your phone ringing the following morning and blearily reached out to silence it. “Hello?”

“Miss L/N?” a deep voice asked and you sat up a little, blinking away your sleep. “This is Constable Park. We met yesterday regarding your intrusion issue?”

“Sungjin,” you immediately said and then gripped at your blankets at your first name slip-up. Clearly, you were still grappling with becoming alert enough for proper etiquette.

He chuckled lightly. “Yes, shall I call you Y/N?”

“If it makes the situation still work well, be my guest.”

“Well, I’m not sure how happy you’ll be to have me calling you by your name, Y/N, in a moment.”

“No?”

“The results are in and there’s no fingerprint matching that in our database. Whilst that’s bad news for us to immediately act upon it, it doesn’t diminish the fact that someone had been there either.”

Despite being under your blankets, you ran cold, wrapping your spare arm around you to try and warm yourself back up. “I see. Does this mean you can’t do anything?”

“I’m afraid so. If you find anyone suspicious in your house or lurking around the outside, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?”

“Of course, thank you, Sungjin.”

“You’re the first person I’ve been called out to that’s called me by my first name, you know.”

“Do you find me rude for doing so?”

“It’s refreshing,” he admitted and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of being something different for the man. You then bit at your lip, realising you were overreacting all because a man in uniform had stepped into your home.

Okay, so Sungjin was really handsome. And you were deprived of seeing such handsome outside of your stories. Whilst he was no Brian Kang, he would definitely make for a great love story counterpart in a new world. Perhaps he helped the main protagonist and became her protector. Or maybe –

“Y/N?” Sungjin said and you blinked rapidly out of your racing thoughts, coughing a little to cover your embarrassment. “You okay?”

“Sorry, I’m still recovering from this fever,” you admitted, fanning at your face for effect. “Did you say anything else?”

“Yeah, I just told you to keep safe, okay? I don’t need to be worrying about you needlessly, right?”

Oh, you were so going to get up right after this phone call and start typing out these ideas flashing through your mind. However, you gave a moment more to the police officer and confirmed you would call him at the first sign of trouble before ending the call.

Springing up from your bedding, you dashed into your office and perched on the edge of your chair as you opened your laptop and turned it on. You were relieved to find everything in your office in the right place as you opened a new word document and tapped furiously on your keyboard to get down all your ideas for your new police officer au story.

And when you were finally done, you leaned back in your chair and giggled. You weren’t always inspired by people who stepped into your world, but this was solid content you couldn’t ignore.

“Perhaps it’ll help me live out my Sungjin desires too,” you admitted sheepishly before glancing at your pen stand. You remembered about the missing pen and searched on top of your desk and then scooted your chair back to look on the floor. “Where did you go, favourite pen?”

Not finding it anywhere, you pouted right as your stomach grumbled. “Ah,” you said weakly, clutching your stomach in your hand. “I best feed myself and Binks. Hopefully, that pen will turn back up.”

Once you had eaten and quietened Binks’ demands for his morning affection, you got dressed and readied yourself for a trip out to the grocery store. Next, you had to write out a list of what you needed and went back into your office, sitting down at your desk and reaching for some paper.

Your attention turned to your laptop, where you found your favourite pen sitting upon it. “What the…”

And looking up at the screen, another message awaited you.

 Sorry, I didn’t realise I had taken it with me after writing you the notes.

 Glancing around yourself, you froze with the fear that rose within. You hadn’t heard anyone inside the house during this time. Yet, there was proof someone had come in again. You looked to the window, it was firmly shut. There was no way anyone could have gotten inside the house without walking passed you first.

You then started to shake.

Had they been in here all night long again?

Just as you went to get up and fetch your phone to ring Sungjin back, you noticed a second tab open on the document screen.

It was Captivated. And once again, the last words read, To Be Continued.

_________________

Part 3

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[iam93percentstardust]

I'm bombarding you with those prompts, so I fully understand if you just ignore all those you don't like, lol. Would WinterIronFalcon be an OT3 you're intrested in writing? Some established WinterFalcon with Tony pining helplessly after them, not believeing he could have a chance? With a dash of angst in it? Thank you ♡

There isn’t much angst in this but there is hopeless pining so yay?

Also on ao3 here

~

“Share Bear, it’s not fair,” Tony whines into the phone.

“What isn’t?” his cousin asks, sounding patient but also kind of amused. He takes the phone away from his ear and squints at it. Is she making fun of him? She probably is, Sharon always makes fun of him. She’s mean like that; he’s pretty sure she gets it from Natasha.

“They’re so fucking gorgeous, I can’t stand it.”

“Oh. Them again. Seriously Tony, didn’t you used to have better taste?”

“Excuse you,” he says, offended. “My taste is perfect.”

“They think arguing is foreplay.”

“It’s bickering! And it’s cute!”

“Gross,” Sharon says cheerfully.

“God hates me,” Tony says dramatically, flinging his hand over his eyes. “That’s why he cursed me to work with two such beautiful humans who are already dating each other.”

“Tony—”

“I know Bucky stays up to date with the fandom,” he continues, going a little quieter. “He’s gotta know that tons of people ship the three of us. But he doesn’t say anything about it. Share Bear, why doesn’t he say anything?”

“Probably because for every person who ships all three of you, there’s twice as many who ship just you and him,” she admits. “I know that if someone were shipping Maria and Nat and ignoring that I even exist, I’d be pretty upset.”

“Yeah,” he says glumly.

“What’re you filming today anyway?” she asks.

“True Crime. We were supposed to be doing an episode of Supernatural at the Odinson Mystery House, you know, over in Norway where the son found out he was adopted and then got super into Norse mythology and supposedly disappeared into a rainbow?”

“Oh yeah, that guy was crazy.”

“Wasn’t,” Tony insist stubbornly. “There are three different eyewitnesses and they all saw the same thing.”

“All three eyewitnesses tested positive for meth.”

“It was trace amounts and ruled irrelevant to the case. Anyway, there’s some sort of blizzard so our flight got canceled. We figured we’d get a jump on this season’s True Crime episodes instead.”

“What are you doing this week?”

He scowls into the phone. “Fandom episode. They voted for Captain America.”

He can practically hear Sharon wince. “I’m sorry. That fucking sucks.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, not least because both of them know exactly what happened to Captain America. He was recovered from the Arctic back in the 50s and went on to live a very happy and fulfilling life with Aunt Peggy. But that’s a very closely guarded state secret; the U.S. government can’t let it get out that Steve Rogers survived nearly a decade in the ice. Technically, Tony and Sharon aren’t even supposed to know but Aunt Peggy had insisted she be allowed to tell them after she took custody of Sharon and Tony moved out of Howard’s and into her home. It’s kind of cool actually, knowing that Uncle Steve is really Captain America. He’s a pretty great guy. It just kind of sucks that he can’t tell anyone about it and now he has to do a whole episode about it when everyone knows he’s a shitty liar.

He’d talked it over with Uncle Steve and Aunt Peggy when the results of the vote had first come in. Aunt Peggy’s advice had been to act more manic than usual, throw even more outlandish theories into the mix, and really make this episode about the banter between him and Bucky. “Direct their attention away from Steve,” she’d said. “They’re already going to be looking at you. Just make sure they’re doing it for the wrong reason.”

He kind of wants to kiss Bucky. That would definitely draw attention away from the episode. But that’s not fair to either Bucky or Sam, who are very happy with their relationship and don’t need a homewrecker like Tony throwing a spanner into the mix.

“Good luck,” Sharon tells him before they hang up. “You’re gonna need it.”

“Wow, thanks,” he mutters but she’s already gone.

~

Marvels Unsolved was never supposed to be this popular. It started off as a novelty webseries about Tony trying to convince Bucky about the existence of the supernatural—he firmly believed that if science could turn Uncle Steve from an actual shrimp to the god of muscles, then magic had to be out there—and then they’d started talking about an unsolved crime from the early 20th century after filming an episode one day, forgetting that the camera was still rolling, and had ended up with enough footage to make a second episode about real crimes. They had stayed pretty unknown throughout that first season but then true crime podcasts had exploded in popularity and Unsolved along with them.

Now they have a fandom and merchandise and actual fanfiction written about them, which is the craziest thing. They both have several often-quoted gifs floating around the Internet and Bucky has somehow become the poster child for being unimpressed by literally everything (he actually makes some of the best faces when something genuinely scary happens but they always end up editing those parts out—he has an image to maintain after all).

They brought Sam on once they started gaining in popularity. Tony, by that point, already had a pretty well-established crush on Bucky. He’d even thought that he had a chance with his co-host, small as it may be, and at first, it hadn’t seemed like Sam was going to change anything. He and Bucky argued all the time so Tony had been absolutely stunned when he’d stumbled upon them making out like it was the end of the world.

They had just finished filming their second season. Sam had suggested going out to a local bar. He’d suggested it for all three of them but Tony had, inexplicably, felt like a third wheel all night as Sam and Bucky bickered. At one point, Sam had disappeared off to the restroom and a couple minutes later, Bucky had followed him. Tony doesn’t know how long he had sat there waiting for them but he’d eventually gone looking for them only to find Sam pressing Bucky up against a wall.

And that had been that.

Three years later, Sam and Bucky are still going strong, Tony is as smitten with Sam as he is with Bucky despite knowing how hopeless both crushes are, and the fandom seems convinced to either write Sam out of Tony and Bucky’s relationship or write Tony into Sam and Bucky’s. He wishes they would stop. He stays pretty up to date with the fandom as well and they have all these meta posts about the way Bucky looks at him or something. It just keeps giving him hope but, well, it’s been three years. If Bucky wanted him, or if Sam did for that matter, they would have done something long ago.

~

“Hey, you doing okay?” Sam asks him as they’re setting up.

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” He avoids meeting Sam’s eyes, focusing instead on adding creamer to the coffee. Marvels had presented them with these mugs last year to congratulate them on four years of Unsolved. They’ve got their most iconic quotes printed on them, Bucky’s with “Obviously I killed JFK” and Tony’s with “I’m the dramatic bitch your mom warned you about.” Sam has one too with his one and only line in the entire show printed on it (“Why did I agree to work with you?”) but since he’s always behind the camera, he doesn’t have to use the same mug for each episode.

“You just seem a little off.” The worst part is that Sam genuinely looks concerned. If they didn’t care about him, he thinks his crush might be easier to manage but they do because they’re just nice guys like that. “I know you weren’t too thrilled when we announced this week’s case.”

“Howard worked with him, practically hero-worshipped the damn guy. Of course, I’m not excited.”

Sam winces. They know all about Tony’s shitty relationship with Howard after his dad called Marvels furious that his son was hosting a webseries instead of coming home to grovel at his feet and take over the business. The whole team had been brought in to listen as Fury tried to placate him. By the end, Bucky had been furious on Tony’s behalf and Sam had berated Fury for twenty minutes for making Tony listen to the vitriol his dad had spewed. It had cemented his crush on Sam, then just a passing fancy, into something real and permanent.

“Seriously, Sam, I’m fine. Might be a little off today but I would have said if I didn’t think I could do it.”

Sam doesn’t look convinced but he agrees anyway. Tony sits down next to Bucky and passes him his mug. Bucky shoots him a grin and murmurs, “Thanks, doll.”

Tony doesn’t blush but that’s only because he has five years of practice. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Sam counting them down and he turns to face the camera, settling his hands in front of him.

“This week on Marvels Unsolved True Crime and in celebration of our 100th episode,” he begins, “we asked you what you’d like us to investigate and you came back—”

“—overwhelmingly,” Bucky interjects.

“Many, many times,” Tony agrees, “with a topic near and dear to my own heart: Captain America.”

“That’s right,” Bucky says, sounding surprised though Bucky had been the first to point out that maybe they shouldn’t do this episode because of Tony’s connections to Project Rebirth. “Your dad helped turn Steve Rogers into Captain America, didn’t he?”

“And he never let me forget it!” Tony says cheerfully.

“One hundred episodes,” Bucky says slowly, enunciating each word. “Can you believe that, doll?”

Sometimes, he wonders why the fans ship them when Sam is right there. Other times, Bucky says things like this and he understands completely.

“Not even a little bit, Bucky Babe.” Okay, so maybe he doesn’t help.

“One hundred. The big one zero zero.”

“We tried to do something extra special and get Sam in front of the camera for you guys—”

“—so you could see what a hunk he is—”

“—but Sam said that he didn’t trust anyone else to film us properly—”

“—which makes sense because Tony? If you put him in the wrong light, he’s practically a gremlin—”

“Hey!”

“I’m just telling the facts.”

“Well, the facts are wrong.”

“They’re facts, sweet thing, they can’t be wrong.”

“Can too. Anyway, since Sam refuses to join us—”

“—and that just breaks my heart because Sam, he’s one of my favorite guys, you know?”

Tony pauses. It’s not like Bucky to say anything nice about Sam. Usually, it’s all good-natured insults and bickering. He must really be fed up with the Starkbucks shippers to say something like this when they’re still this early in the show.

“Only one of?” he asks curiously.

Bucky shoots him one of those filthy grins that their audience loves so much. “Well, it’s hard not to include you on that list,” he drawls.

He’s not going to blush.

He’s not going to blush.

He’s not going to—

Damn it.

Whatever. It’s no big deal, that’s what editing is for. So what if Sam has never edited out one of Tony’s blushes yet? Maybe Tony will get lucky and he will this time.

“You know, I was actually named for Captain America’s sidekick?” Bucky asks, getting them back on track.

“Wow, that is deeply unfortunate,” Tony deadpans.

“Yeah, Dad’s a fanboy. His whole troop was pinned down and rescued by the two of them. He tells the story all the time—kind of like your dad.”

“Except my dad goes straight past into fanboy and directly into obsession territory.”

“…Fair enough.”

“Really? That’s all you’re going to say?”

Bucky shrugs and takes a sip out of his mug. “I’ve been inside your house. I’ve seen the Steve Rogers shrine. I’m not going to argue with you.”

Tony thinks about that for a moment. “It is kind of a shrine, isn’t it? Anyway, we’ve got some great stuff for you today. We’re going to crack open this cold case, show you some never-before-seen footage courtesy of my mom sneaking my dad’s old war tapes out of the mansion, and then we’ll talk a little bit about the theories out there.”

“How many of them are going to be ridiculously outlandish and physically impossible?”

Tony glares at him. “None of them. I have never once presented a ridiculously outlandish and physically impossible theory.”

“Right because alien abduction is a valid—”

“Aliens are real!”

“You said that crabs might have eaten Amelia Earheart!” Bucky shouts over him.

“It’s a valid theory!”

“I take it back, you’re not one of my favorite people anymore.”

“That really hurts me, deep inside,” Tony says sarcastically, trying to cover up that maybe that does send a small pang shooting through his chest. He likes the thought of being one of Bucky’s favorite people. He doesn’t want to lose that.

“How deep?” Bucky asks and winks.

“Very deep. Way, way deep down. Practically in my—”

Bucky’s eyes widen and he nearly chokes on his coffee. “Okay, that’s enough of that. Let’s get into the facts.”

“Hey, that’s my line!”

~

“With a missing plane and pilot and so much redaction in the files, we’re lucky to even have a name, let’s get into the theories.”

“Actually, wait, before we do that,” Bucky says, “I want to ask if you’ve ever noticed that your voice changes when you’re doing the voiceovers.”

“Wait, what?” Tony asks. He glances at him, to one of the cameras, then back to Bucky. “What do you mean?”

“You know, it gets all deeper like you’re trying to voice movie trailers or something.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Sure it does.”

Tony shakes his head. “There’s no way.”

They both turn toward Sam, who thinks about it and then makes a ‘sort of’ motion with his hand.

“Told you!” Bucky says triumphantly.

“You’re such a child,” Tony sneers.

“Yeah, that’s why you like working with me so much.”

Behind the camera, Sam silently snickers and Tony glares at him before telling the camera, “If you’re watching, let us know in the comments. Is my apparent movie trailer voice okay or does it need to go like Bucky clearly thinks?”

Bucky goes paler. “Hey, wait, I didn’t say it had to go.”

“It was implied when you brought it up,” he argues.

“No!” Bucky insists. “I was just wondering if it was on purpose.”

They both turn toward Sam, who thinks about it and then makes a ‘sort of’ motion with his hand.

“Aha!” Tony says triumphantly.

“Traitor,” Bucky mutters into his coffee.

Sam signs, “I’ll make it up to you when we get home tonight.”

“And that was more than I ever wanted to learn about Sam and Bucky’s love life,” Tony lies through his teeth. “Let’s get into the theories. I only have two for you today, one of which I think Bucky will particularly like.”

“Oh no.”

“Our first theory is that Steve Rogers died in a plane crash on December 16, 1944. Winter months in the Arctic are known to be particularly stormy. There would have been low visibility due to the high latitude and time of year and with the waters and surrounding land being well below freezing, it’s possible that, even if Captain Rogers survived the impact, he would have frozen to death in the stormy seas.”

Bucky thinks about it for a second. “Yeah, that seems plausible.”

“In addition, Howard Stark, a known Captain America aficionado and the father of Marvels Unsolved’s best host—”

“You lie like a rug!” Bucky howls.

Tony snickers and then when Sam signs, “He’s really not,” bursts out into full-out laughter.

Once he’s recovered, he continues, “Howard Stark has spent the first fifty years after the crash of the Valkyrie and the last twenty funding searches in the Arctic in the hopes of recovering Captain Rogers’ body. He has found no evidence that Captain Rogers survived the crash although he did find part of the remains of the Valkyrie and has since stated that, ‘No human could have survived that crash.’”

The expeditions are a scam and have been since Howard first found the Valkyrie crash site and Uncle Steve along with it. He hadn’t been planning on continuing the expeditions—too costly, as he claims—but when Aunt Peggy had told him that Uncle Steve’s survival had to remain a secret, he’d kept them up for pretense’s sake.

Bucky is saying something about how it sucks that the first superhero is gone and when he finishes, Tony grins and says, “Then you’ll like our second theory.”

“Somehow, every time you say that, I end up completely hating it. Wonder why that is.”

“Our second theory is that Steve Rogers survived the crash and is still alive but cryogenically frozen in the ice. There—”

“Bullshit!”

Tony starts laughing but he tries to continue on over Bucky shouting that it’s complete nonsense. It’s hard and he knows that Sam will probably have to do some editing and maybe make Tony do some voiceover work in order to make the theory audible but he thinks he manages to do a pretty good job.

Bucky is pouting by the end of it, arms crossed over his chest. “What fucking bullshit,” he mutters.

“The supersoldier serum—” Tony starts to point out.

“Isn’t a miracle drug.”

“That’s exactly what it is.”

“No, it just made him big and strong. It doesn’t just magically keep people alive when they should have died.”

And then they’re off into familiar territory, arguing about the merits of either theory. Tony’s actually feeling pretty good about himself, convinced that he’s doing a decent job of steering the conversation away of anything classified, right up until Bucky says, about halfway through the episode, “I’m surprised at you, Tony.”

He wrinkles his nose. “Surprised?”

“Usually, you have some absolutely batshit, off-the-walls crazy theory but these have actually been pretty normal for you.” He pauses and then adds for effect, “And you’re usually much better at your research than this.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh come on, even I know that there’s one more theory.”

He starts tapping at his chest nervously, almost wishing that he had a pair of sunglasses. Aunt Peggy always said that his lies are in his eyes, that they’re too expressive to hide the truth. When he was living with Howard, in the spotlight, he always had a pair of sunglasses to hide his eyes but he hasn’t wanted to use those since he moved out. He wishes he had them now.

“And what’s that?” he asks, feigning a casualness he doesn’t feel.

“That Steve Rogers lived and came out of the ice at some point and has been living out his life in anonymity.”

He barks out a nervous laugh. “I didn’t mention it because even I know that that theory is completely impossible.”

“Hasn’t stopped you before.” Sam nods agreeably. Bucky nods back at him and adds, “Even Sam agrees with me.”

“He’s your boyfriend, he’s practically required to.”

Both Sam and Bucky laugh at that one and yeah, okay, it was a pretty ridiculous statement. Anyone who knows them knows that being boyfriends is less likely to make them agree with each other.

“Look, Steve Rogers didn’t come out of the ice alive. Howard would have known for one thing and if you think, he could keep something like that quiet, then you don’t know him very well.”

“Maybe the government insisted it be a secret,” Bucky suggests, shrugging. “There have been plenty of people who have claimed over the last couple decades to be Captain America.”

Tony scoffs. “Oh come on, by that logic, anyone could be Captain America.”

“Maybe they could be.”

“No,” Tony says flatly. “It’s like that crazy conspiracy theory guy over on Reddit who’s convinced that Bruce Wayne is Batman.”

“Maybe Bruce Wayne is Batman.”

“Ooh do the butts match?” Tony says mockingly. “I mean, really, Bucky Babe, if we’re going off of lookalikes, then my fucking Uncle Steve is secretly really Steve Rogers, which is ridiculous because the guy’s like practically ancient and faints at the sight of blood in PG-13 movies.”

That sets off another round of arguing that lasts the rest of the episode until finally Tony wraps it up with, “Whether Steve Rogers died in 1944 or is still alive today is a mystery that will remain unsolved.”

They both pause for a moment to provide time for Sam to edit in the theme music and closing title. Usually, there would be some lighthearted bantering afterwards, maybe a joke about something they said earlier in the show. This time though, Bucky says thoughtfully, “The thing is, though, I’ve met your Uncle Steve—”

Tony goes cold.

“—and he really does kind of look like—”

Tony panics. That’s the only explanation that he has for declaring, “I’m done waiting,” reaching across the tables and grabbing hold of Bucky’s shirt, and yanking him forward to kiss him.

For a moment, Bucky is too startled to do anything but then he melts into Tony, mouth opening under his, tongue pushing forward to meet his. Bucky’s arms come around him, pulling him up and out of his chair and settling him into his lap. Tony makes a small greedy sound, swallowed by Bucky’s kiss, and then they’re both pulling away. Bucky’s lips are very red; Tony can’t stop staring at them even as he’s filled with dismay.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I shouldn’t have—”

“Why not?” Bucky demands.

“You—Sam—” He glances toward the camera but Sam isn’t standing there anymore. His heart drops into his stomach—has he just ruined Bucky and Sam’s relationship? But then he hears someone drop to their knees behind him and when he turns slightly, Sam’s fingers are on his chin, gently turning his head.

“How long?” Sam asks.

“How long what?”

“How long have we been wasting our time when we could have been kissing you instead?”

Three years, two months, and fifteen days. “Too long.”

Sam kisses him then, mouth gentler than Bucky’s but no less consuming. Bucky is a hard, hot line against his front; Sam is warm against his back and Tony? Tony loses himself in the storm that is the two of them, sparks shooting through him as Bucky’s hands find their way to his hips, as Sam’s tongue slips into his mouth, as Bucky whispers into his ear, “We’re not wasting any more time.”

~

Marvels Unsolved’s 100th episode shoots to their most watched, most liked video in less than a day and when asked, maybe the smallest handful of viewers could have said what it was about.

The day after it posts, only a week after it was filmed, Tony’s phone rings.

“Kill it with fire,” Sam says sleepily.

Tony, however, recognizes Aunt Peggy’s ringtone and he rolls over to grab it before Bucky can throw it at the wall. “Hello?” he asks groggily.

“Congratulations on not blowing Steve’s cover,” she says.

“Oh yeah,” Tony mutters. “Can I go back to bed now?”

“One more thing, duck.”

“What’s that?”

“Congratulations on the new boyfriends.”

[chiropteracupola]

Tagged by @dratandbotherbotheranddrat, thank you so much my good buddy!  I just dredged this up out of my drafts after ...several months I think, terribly sorry about that!

1. why did you choose your url?

It’s meant as a variation on ‘bats in the belfry’, which is one of my favorite sayings and also probably a good description of the state of my own mind a lot of the time!  I made an attempt at making it sound Fancy™ to give it maybe the feel of a vampire mansion? *shrugs*

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

@cool-as-steel, for treasure island things.  Mostly because I love the look of people’s Very Consistent Aesthetic Blogs, but I like memes and pictures of capybaras too much to keep my main blog Pretty. 

also a secret second sideblog, but you’ve got to go on a quest to find that one before you get to see what’s in it.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

More than a year for reading people’s blogs somewhat obsessively, and for my actual account, only since early February.

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nope! Never queued anything in my life and I don’t intend to start.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I’d drawn some fanart of thescarletpaperback‘s characters that I wanted to share with him, and also I thought that maybe I’d come across some other people who wanted to talk about Treasure Island with me, since I’d been driving all my irl friends up the wall with shouting nonsense at them.  (And I did!)

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I love a soft mothman... I thought it was distinct enough to be nice-looking even at the very small size, since a lot of my other art files got blurry and indistinct when I tried them out. 

7. why did you choose your header?

It’s a photo I took last year, and I’m very fond of it just color-wise.  (Oh, and by the way, it’s not color-edited!  Everything was on fire, so I got that scary-pretty red sun and gray sky.  It’s really nice to look at, but also a sign that the air quality is Way Hecked Up.)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

tiny jopson... WHY...

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I don’t know and I do not wish to do math at this time.

10. how many followers do you have?

144 (*vine voice* who ARE you people?)

11. how many people do you follow?

129

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Probably?  *shrugs*

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Too often.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Not that I remember?  I am not very confrontative and if someone makes me upset I usually just block them and go about my business. 

I’m not going to call my relationship with a certain boat show fandom a fight, because they barely know I exist, but I also have blocked the entire show tag, so there.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Many of them make me unduly stressed.  An occasional few, I reblog.  *shrugs*

16. do you like tag games?

Very much.

17. do you like ask games?

I think they’re fun!  I like asking people things and telling people things!  Conversation!

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

ltwilliammowett/fleur-de-paris... I find it completely bananas absurd that this Cool and Fancy Person thinks me worth their time!

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Platonically, maybe. 

20. tags?

Hm, anyone who’s interested, I guess?

[mono-kookieficrecs]

Hey! I haven't sent you an ask in a while. I've had the worst day ever! If your highness would shine some mercy on me 😂😳💜💜💜, please recommend a fic that gets me out of the shitty day I've been through. Something that helps you relax. Anything. You are always a queen to me with your power to share the best fics on this website. 💜💜💜 Baby anon 💜

Hey baby anon I’m sorry you had a rough day crumby mental health is kinda going around these day so please take care of yourself ;-; thank you so much for your patience I hope these recs help you feel better ^-^ 

As always I don’t rec anything unless I’ve read it therefore these fics can all be found on my fic rec mlist so I’m sorry if you’ve already read some of these 😣

Relaxing/self-indulgent fics:

check out my ot7 x reader fic rec mlist

okay honestly I love reading ot7 x reader series so I would seriously check it out & see what you like I usually read to take my mind off things so most of these should be long-ish series but most of my self-indulgent reading is in this area

KOC by @luxekook​ (ot7 x reader, series)

The Seven by ^ (ot7 x reader, series)

these two series are ongoing but I’m really really liking them the smuttttttt 👌👌👌👌 but yeah they’re very very self-indulgent but I like what I like sue me

Tainting Purity by @sevenincubistolemyheart​ (ot7 x reader, series)

I love vampire bts & I love ot7 x reader need I say more 

Edit: forgive me I am a tired dumbass they’re incubi not vampires but my sentiments remain the same: I love incubi bts & I love ot7 x reader need I say more (honestly tho demon aus are up there for me 👌)

Veins of Moonlight by @lunaandhertrashheap​ (ot7 x reader, series)

I love werewolf bts & I love ot7 need I say more 

Too Sweet by @justoneday-namjoonii (low key ot7 x reader but mostly yg & jk x reader centric, series)

I’ve been reading this series for a long time it was probs one of the first fics I read on tumblr but it’s hecka good dude like I’ve been reading it for like a year & no regrets I’m always ready & waiting for more

Ethereal Orbit by @interludemoonchild (ot7 x reader, series)

although I love all of the fics on this list this one definitely fits your ask more bc this series is so good & although I love a good porn with very little plot this series has a well thought out plot with plenty of good smut to accompany it the story is so trnnjagibhntrh & it definitely takes my mind of off things bc all I can focus on is the story (& the smut hehe)

STS by @gimmesumsuga​ (ot7 x reader)

where do I beginnnnnn I read this series for almost 2yrs & it’s finally complete there are like 90 ch it’s a fucking beast but it’s soooo gooood plus um hello vampires & smut fuck yeah this fic is so popular & iconic so I’d honestly be surprised if you haven’t read this one yet it might’ve been the first series I read on Tumblr but that was so long ago but yeah read this bad boy

A Drop of Heaven by @curly-bangtan​ (ot7 x reader)

Moth to Flame by @bang-to-the-tan (ot7 x reader)

okay I think it’s been well established I love vampire bts fics but like they’re all so good & just kjsnjinaergibathijthsrt please just read vampire ot7 fics I just can’t & the writers on here do such a good job of making them diverse & not all the same bc no vampire ot7 fic is the same on here I’m telling ya

Dig Deep by @johobi (yg x reader, series)

listen LISTEN tentacle porn is one of the superior porns on here & no one can change my mind DD is one of the few tentacle smut series I can find on here (tentacle fic in general wtf man ya’ll cowards bc this shit is great & we need more so if anybody know where to find more pls hmu) but this series ignaibrgsiejhtst so goooooood

Pink Glow & Pink Glow pt. 2 by @jungkookiebus (jk x reader, one shot)

okay this is INCREDIBLY self-indulgent bc PG is actually a request I made to @jungkookiebus to write jk tentacle smut & it was a motherfucking delight & people loved it so they made a pt 2 which was also motherfucking delight so people learn the lesson: tentacle smut always wins

When the Planets Align by @mintedmango (yg x reader, jm x reader, jk x reader, series)

I loooooved this series this is another series that I read not only for the smut but also the plot you won’t be disappointed with this one it was gjnaerjngebaeribaeh like just oof you won’t be thinking about anything but this while reading

Any of @mintedmango​’s hybrid fics

they’re one of my fav writers on here & I LOVE their hybrid fics bc they’re so good & I know I can always find something sinfully amazing on here to feed my obsession with hybrid bts

Concentric by @gingerpeachtae (jk x reader, series)

this is another plot filled series that I can’t get enough of 🖤🖤🖤 it’s ongoing & I can’t wait to see how it ends (but I’ll be sad at the same time bc this story & world & THIS JK fucking infrbgrehth) it gives major lord of the ring vibes but it’s okay if you’re not familiar with LOTR bc it’s amazing & it’s bts 

Flower by @readyplayerhobi​ (hs x reader, series)

this is honestly my fav hobi series on here it’s so well-written & the hobi in this is  *sobs* I want one 😍 it might be a tad sad at times bc y/n has depression & poor mental health but it’s very real & accurate & hobi is there to support her so it’s very sweet & it’s definitely not sad all the time it’s incredibly fluffy (& smutty hehe)

Falling Skies by @fortunexkookie (jk x reader, series)

idk if you’re the type to want some sadness & angst with some fluff/comfort & a happy ending to help make you feel better but this fic really helped me grieve when I lost my dog exactly a year ago on the 22nd of this month I still think about this series often bc it’s so accurate in how grief feels & it hits so close to home but it really did help me get through sad times & jk comforting y/n comforted me too this is probs the saddest & angstiest thing I've read but it really did make me feel better 

Clair de Lune by @gukslut (th x reader, one shot)

I remember reading this one-shot & just feeling so warm & uwu & fluffy inside bc this hit right in the feels like I can’t explain it I read this a while ago but I still think about this one bc I remember it made me feel really ^-^ & happy when I was done reading it idk does that even make sense?? 

I hope this list helps & you find something you like ik it’s a lot (oops) but I read a ton for the exact purpose of finding an escape & to feel better when I’m feeling down so I really do hope this was helpful baby anon ^-^

as always if you have your own recs please leave a comment

[taehyung-rambles]

My Top 3 BTS Members from Each Era: Who Owned Each Era (Up to Permission to Dance)

Disclaimer: My Taehyung bias runs deep, so y’all may get mad at some of my choices--especially with the more recent stuff--unless you are fellow Taehyung trash. In which case, let’s talk.

Disclaimer #2: I’m not into any type of hip hop outside of BTS, so the rap verses usually have to stick out a lot for me to think it’s one of the best elements of the song. Though, I adore the rap line in BTS very much.

Disclaimer #3: Do not take a shot every time I say vocal tone/color because you will die.

So, I just made a BTS blog, and I wanted to start it off by talking about this. I realized while I was making this list that I tend to gravitate toward specific vocals and rap verses (from the maknae line and Yoongi, namely), so I’m sorry in advance if you don’t see your favorite person mentioned beneath a specific era, but these are just my opinions on who grabs my attention the most in each era; in other words, I’m not only ranking these based on who were the central members for that song, but also who jumped out the most to me. I mostly talk about these in terms of the vocal takes first and the total performance second with little consideration for how the music video was structured, though I may mention when a member’s concept is especially good for that era. K-pop does have a lot to do with total performance (vocal, choreo, wardrobe, etc.), but as I consume BTS’s music on its own more than I do their live performances, it was important to me to focus on the vocal before focusing on who killed the choreo. 

As such, you might see rankings in here that you don’t agree with because I thought a member may have dominated the MV but didn’t stick out to me as much vocally. This post is going to be very biased, though I did rank all of these with my honest interests in mind, so it’s biased for a reason. At the end of the day, BTS wouldn’t be BTS without all seven members, so even if I didn’t rank a certain member enough times in your opinion, I still love them so much and the music they produce. There is no “worst” member in each era. They’re all amazing all the time. So, just keep that in mind, and share your opinions with me in the replies!

P.S.: I tried to grab all the major MVs for the BTS singles that weren’t animated. Hopefully I didn’t forget anything, but there should be a mention of every MV that BTS specifically shot for that song and maybe a couple extras. I think the only exception is probably Make It Right since that MV was just a stage mix, but since there were multiple versions of it, I counted it in here. Same with EPILOGUE: Young Forever since it was almost entirely a compilation of old footage, but since it felt like a major MV, I included it. Also, I didn’t do various MV versions, obviously, since I’m focusing on the vocal before anything else.

P.S. #2: Sorry if these are out of order in some way; I tried to do them by when the MV was released. Also, sorry that some of the group photos don’t include everyone. The format I was using for the edits didn’t leave space to show all the members if the members were spread out.

Alright, so if I was being totally objective here and were to say who the top three members were based on the song structure and MV, it’d probably be Namjoon, Jungkook, and Jimin. However, being opinionated got me to these three.

Taehyung: If you’re thinking, “How can Taehyung be in the top 3 when he had no lines,” don’t worry. I was just as surprised as you are to have Taehyung in my top 3. I think it’s just that Taehyung’s (one) line was so heavy and had so much texture to it that it felt like bigger part than it was. I mean, I think it also has to do with me not knowing who my  number 3 would be for this song, and I decided that I would go with who’s vocal color fit this song the best, and that was Taehyung.

Yoongi: I mean, how could Yoongi not make the list? His first rap verse is iconic, and his second slaps. His voice has so much presence in this song that I can’t listen to it without looking forward to Yoongi’s part primarily. Also, you know those yips Yoongi does when he raps? That’s my favorite thing in the world, and No More Dream had a good amount of them.

Jungkook: We’re all aware that rapper Jungkook was an icon, and this song makes no exception to that rule. His verse is fire. Like Yoongi, Jungkook’s voice had a lot of character, as well. Legit, “see me, see me, yeah” gets stuck in head on a loop more often than is probably necessary. Ergo, Jungkook killed this era.

Full disclosure: I don’t really like this song. I did my best, though, to figure out which members interested me the most despite the fact that I don’t listen this song regularly like I do with most of the others. I would assume that the majority of people would probably list Namjoon and Jungkook along with Jimin in their top 3, but hey.

Taehyung: This is probably another confusing placement for Taehyung, but the pre-chorus he sang fit his voice nicely, or at least, his voice as it sounded back then. I don’t really think anyone stood out vocally in this song besides Jimin, but Taehyung put a little umph in his vocal, so it was nice since the pre-chorus is the catchiest part of this song for me.

Yoongi: Yoongi had the most interesting rap verse in this song, in my opinion. Like I said, I’m still not crazy about this song, but I thought Yoongi’s delivery of his verse was pretty engaging to listen to.

Jimin: Jimin almost feels like the only person in this song because his vocal sticks out so much. Not that I think the other members sound bad, because I think they all kill every song they do; it’s just the way this song sounds fit really well with Jimin’s vocal tone. Jimin ended up owned this era for me because he was so central to the sound this song was trying to produce.

I’m actually not sure what people’s top 3 would be for this song if we were talking about the majority of people. I’d guess probably Jungkook, Suga, and Namjoon? This song came down to the rap verses a lot more than I thought it would, but I guess that’s because a lot of BTS’s pre-2016 upbeat singles had diversity in the rap line while the vocalists had repetitive hooks and choruses.

Taehyung: I told y’all my bias was strong. I’m not putting Taehyung down for the sake of putting Taehyung down, though. I’ll be honest: besides the people in my top 3, I thought everyone did equally well with this song. Taehyung’s vocal stuck out just a little bit more for me than the other vocalists’. Just a bit. When Taehyung flips into his falsetto, it’s always really interesting to listen to. This is the first of many songs where, since the vocalists’ parts are repetitive and they all share the same parts, it really comes down to personal preference for vocal color; I just happen to like Taehyung’s.

Jungkook: I know Jungkook sings in this song, but his rap verse was lit as fuck. I don’t know how to talk about it in a way that makes sense, but listening to it is satisfying, you know? It’s an absolutely kickass way to open the song after the intro. I do think the parts where Jungkook sang fit his vocal tone particularly well. It’s not always the case with BTS songs that every member has a part that is made for their vocal tone--that’d be impossible to do--but they always sound good regardless. Sometimes, though, you get a piece of a song that fits the person singing it so well that it can’t be any other way, and that’s how I felt about Jungkook in this song.

Yoongi: As much as I love Jungkook’s rap verse, Yoongi murdered this song. Every time I listen to this song, my attention is snatched by Yoongi, full stop. I could be listening to this in the background, spacing out any type of detail from the song, but when Yoongi spits fire, I pay attention. I will say this again about other members in other eras, but Yoongi’s verse makes this song, which is why he owns this era.

This song has staying power, y’all. The rest of BTS’s older music sounds really nostalgic, but Boy in Luv just sounds like the kickass song that it is. I think most people’s rating of this era would be fairly similar to mine except for Yoongi. I imagine most people would gravitate toward Jin or Jimin. Honestly, picking the second and third members was really difficult because this song gave everyone parts that were perfect for them.

Yoongi: I don’t know if I should apologize for being so linear in my choices, but Yoongi is badass in this song. His rap verse said “listen boy,” and I’m still not over it. I usually don’t vibe with every rap verse like I did in this song, but even though all the rap verses were interesting, I landed on Yoongi because he caught my attention a bit more.

Jungkook: I think one of my favorite things ever in any BTS song is Jungkook’s rap verse in Boy In Luv. The percussiveness of it and the staccato way he delivers it are just so interesting to listen to. It’s also a really fun rap verse, but it’s dynamic, too. I want to acknowledge that if Jungkook had just been on the chorus, I would probably have stuck Jimin in my top 3 because his vocals have just a touch more texture in them during the chorus, but Jungkook also killed the chorus and the rap, so Jungkook it is.

Taehyung: I mean. From what I’ve seen of other people’s opinions of Boy In Luv, most of them agree that Taehyung had hella presence in this song. The distortion he puts on his voice, the growling, the parts of the song he ended up singing--it all contributed to him owning this era because it’s one of those moments where he fit the concept so well. Every member has a song or two like this under their belts where they embody the song, and this is one of Taehyung’s.

This is another song that I don’t really like, so don’t @ me for my opinions about this one. I did my best, fam. I think nearly everyone thinks Jungkook owned this era, and I imagine they would also include Jin and Jimin.

Taehyung: Not to be rude to the other members--including Taehyung--but since I didn’t find this song all that interesting, it made it hard to pick the second and third members. I don’t really think anybody but Jungkook stuck out. Taehyung’s verse was melodic and nice, though. Even though the “party party” part was dumb. Since, again, it’s a repetitive song, it came down to who’s vocal tone I liked the best. Taehyung’s vocal color is the most unique vocal color I’ve heard from any male artist, so slot number 3 he goes.

Yoongi: Again, this was mostly about whose rap verse I preferred because I’d already made my decisions about the vocalists. This isn’t a song where the rap verses stuck out at all for me, but Yoongi’s was percussive, so it was an interesting addition to the flow of the song.

Jungkook: I mean, this is a Jungkook song, you know? There are Namjoon songs and Hobi songs and Jin songs, and this one was Jungkook song. I don’t think he did anything spectacular with his vocals--which isn’t about him as a vocalist; it’s about the song itself not being dynamic enough to allow him to show off his vocals--but the way he used his voice in this song fit the tone of the song exactly. Taehyung usually has the monopoly on really gentle vocals for me, but Jungkook did really well with it in this song.

This one may get me some flack. Listen, there are parts of this song that I don’t really like--I will not say which parts--but most of it is fire as fuck, and I listen to this all the time. I know most people love Jungkook, Jimin, and Jin in this song. I get that. If I was being objective, I would agree with you. However, that’s the joy of opinions.

Jungkook: I know I said I’m not considering the choreo/MV as much, but Jungkook’s shoulders are loud, you know? Anyway, Jungkook fit this song really well. Actually, I think this is another song that everyone got a part that was meant for them. Jungkook did sound fire on the chorus, no doubt about it, but his rap verse was really dynamic, and Jungkook performed it really well. I have nothing bad to say about Jungkook in this song because it wouldn’t sound as good without his vocal tone.

Jimin: Look, I love Jimin’s sweet vocal tone that he’s used for most of BTS’s career; I even prefer it over his old vocal tone. However, sometimes you hear a song with Jimin’s deeper vocal tone where he puts distortion on his voice, and it slaps you in the face. This is one of those times. I mean, the part they gave him was perfect for what he was doing with his voice at this time. I think, in terms of uniqueness, Jimin would win every time in a debate about the Danger era’s top 3 members.

Taehyung: I barely ever see Taehyung mentioned when it comes to Danger, so this is probably an unpopular opinion, but his parts in Danger make the song. I’m not talking about the chorus--though I’m happy he actually sang in a good chunk of this song since he hadn’t been previously. In fact, I’m pretty sure Jungkook’s vocals were mixed louder than Taehyung’s vocals on the second half of the chorus--which was Taehyung’s part--during the production process. You can hear Taehyung, but Jungkook also sounds really clear on top of Taehyung’s voice. Anyway, what I’m talking about is the hook of the song. The money piece. This has happened more than once with Taehyung, and he always kills it. I vibe with the chorus, but the hook sticks in my head more than anything. So, for me, Taehyung owns this era.

I don’t understand what it is about this song that makes it so good, but it’s a bop. I still think, if I was thinking objectively, that my ranking would close to the same. Some people might choose Hobi over Namjoon or something like that, but ya know.

Jungkook: He’s so cute in this song, isn’t he? I know he’s supposed to come off as a bad boy, but he’s adorable. His parts in this song are really good though, and not just his rap verse. He’s used opposite Taehyung in this song, which was a really good choice. Jimin and Taehyung have the most opposite vocal tones in BTS, so they’re often played off of one another, but sometimes Jungkook’s vocals contrast really beautifully with Taehyung’s. Going from Taehyung’s richness to Jungkook’s clean and smooth vocals is really nice, so I appreciate Jungkook a lot in this song.

Namjoon: The way Namjoon opens this song is rad. It’s so distinct, and it’s the exact right tone to set the song off properly. It’s so damn catchy. Everyone in the rap line has really animated styles of rapping, but Namjoon is usually the most animated, and it really lent itself nicely to War of Hormone. Having him open this song was the best choice ever.

Taehyung: This is a Taehyung song, 1,000%. It was obviously supposed to be a Taehyung song, probably because of his vocal tone, though I’m sure his visual had a lot to do with it, too. Something happened to Taehyung with this single. It was like, all of a sudden, he found his charisma, and he’s been killing us all ever since. I don’t mean this in a negative way for the other members, but all the umph in this song comes from Taehyung. I think that’s how it should be because, if everyone had a vocal that sounded like Taehyung’s, it’d be too much--that’s why I like the way Jungkook’s voice compliments Taehyung’s. The parts of this song Taehyung had embellished the song perfectly, and it did wonders to show off Taehyung’s talent. The tone of this song just works with Taehyung at the center. Growling, attitude, stage presence, and all; Taehyung definitely owned the War of Hormone era.

I’ve got to say, BTS songs like this are catchy, but not something I pay attention to when I listen to them. I Need U, RUN, and Save ME are all like that. On top of that, they’re all pretty repetitive songs, and it’s hard to find each member individually in them--at least for me--so choosing the top 3 was difficult. I know a lot of people agree that Jimin owned this era, same with Yoongi. I imagine the third one, if I wasn’t being too opinionated about it, would probably be Jungkook.

Taehyung: So, Taehyung doesn’t have a lot going on in this song unless you consider the MV--which I’m trying not to do too much. I think, for this song though, the MV did come into play a bit more since it was basically a short film. Still, if I was only talking about the MV, Taehyung would be number 1. However, vocally, there wasn’t a whole heck of a lot to go on. The reason he made my list, though, is that his vocals still stuck out to me despite the amount of lines he had. Taehyung’s got soul; we all know this. Any time he sings in this song, my mind goes, “Oh?” because, even though it doesn’t happen a lot, it lends a lot to the tone of the song.

Yoongi: For someone who doesn’t really love this song, I have to say that Yoongi’s part is really the only part that hits me. His vocal color and the way he decided to use his voice for his verse was gorgeous. It’s one of those vocal takes where the vocal jumps out above the mix, and it almost doesn’t matter what’s happening with the instrumental because the vocal is so nice. Again, this is something that happens with all the members, and I try to acknowledge them when I think it’s happened. So, here’s to Yoongi for killing it.

Jimin: When I think of I Need U, the only thing I think about is Jimin. I know you’ve got Jungkook on the chorus, as well, but Jimin’s vocal tone is the thing that sticks in my head. It’s so perfectly matched with the song and the production that it’s easier to find Jimin in this song than it is to find really stark evidence of the other members--again, that’s more to do with the song than with the members. This song just happened to fit Jimin’s voice in a special way, which is why he owned the era.

So, I’m gonna do the Japanese singles, too, because they have MVs and all that. However, fair warning, these singles usually end up coming down to whose vocal tone I prefer since they’re usually softer songs that lean more on the vocalists than the rappers. Jungkook is the center of MV, so I think he’d be most people’s number 1. After that, I’d think people would choose Jin and Yoongi, but that’s just a guess.

Jin: For You basically has Jungkook, Jin, and Taehyung each sing the chorus, so that’s why it comes down to vocal tone, especially since I think the vocalists stuck out more than the rappers in this song. I loved Jin’s light tone on the chorus of For You. His falsettos can sound different in different songs, but in For You, it was so delicate, and I loved it a lot. Jin usually fits really well in softer songs that still have a bit of pop to them, so he did well in this song.

Jungkook: I know this was probably meant to be a Jungkook song, so don’t @ me. It’s a song that’s set up for a very Jungkook vocal, if that makes sense. As in, it was made for Jungkook. He has a really nice, clean, smooth tone to his vocal in For You, and it’s pleasant to listen to. I think he went a bit softer with his vocal takes in this song to fit the tone, so it took some of the natural character out of his voice, but it was perfect for the tone of the song. Jungkook’s voice blended really nicely into the mix, so I like hearing him in For You a lot.

Taehyung: I don’t know if people out there prefer cleaner vocals in a song like this, but I really loved how Taehyung’s vocal sounded like it was changing the tone of the song. I do think that Jungkook and Jin’s vocals are probably best for the majority of the song, but the diversity that comes out of giving Taehyung a chorus is awesome. It saves the song from being flat. Taehyung’s deep vocal tone always sounds gorgeous, especially in softer songs, but he didn’t decide to use a gentle voice in this song like Jin and Jungkook did; his voice was a lot fuller and more forward, and I liked what it did in For You quite a bit.

This is the beginning of the “beat fetish” era of music--i.e., songs that are heavily dependent on the drop, which becomes almost a chorus on its own. Dope is a beat fetish song, and BTS has a few of them; thankfully, when BTS makes songs that are dependent on the instrumental to add character, it always sounds bomb. I know most people agree that Jungkook and Jimin kill in this era, so objectively, I think I’m on the same track, but I think I differ when it comes to Yoongi because I imagine most people would prefer Namjoon.

Yoongi: I just love his sections of this song. That’s it. I don’t really have a reason for liking his rap verses more than Hobi’s or Namjoon’s; I just find myself vibing more to Yoongi’s. I mean, Yoongi’s verse has a lot more bass to it than the other verses, and for a song that depends on the beat, it was nice to get some instrumentality out of Yoongi’s voice on top of the music itself. Plus, he’s got the “enemy enemy enemy; energy energy energy” part, which I freakin’ love.

Jimin: Jimin really sticks out in this song. There are very few BTS songs where it feels like Jimin has a lot of time in the spotlight as a support for Jungkook, but it did feel like that in Dope, and it was kind of cool. I don’t know that Dope needs a bunch of different vocal tones to make it work, and Jimin and Jungkook can sound very similar in songs of this genre. It worked really well to switch between Jungkook and Jimin with just a slight difference in vocal color coming through. That little bit of variation was interesting, and Jimin’s specific vocal tone shone nicely.

Jungkook: If ever there were a Jungkook song, my friends, this is it. It’s similar to Jimin in We Are Bulletproof Pt.2--that is to say, it’s almost like Jungkook is the only one in this song. Obviously, that isn’t true, and the other members stick out more in this song than in We Are Bulletproof Pt.2, but Jungkook is so clearly the face of this song. His voice is exactly what this song needs because the beat is so intense and Jungkook’s vocals are clean but with just enough grit added to complement the instrumental. Jungkook made this era his bitch, y’all.

As I’ve said, this is one of those background songs for me, and it really comes down to whose vocal tone I personally prefer. It’s not even about whose vocal tone blends in the best; it’s just about what sounds interesting to me. I think, objectively, the top three of this era would be Jungkook, Jimin, and maybe Namjoon. This is another one where, for everyone, the MV did touch my opinions on the rankings a bit. But I actually think the coolest parts of the MV align with what I have ranked already--except for the fact that Yoongi isn’t on my list despite having an amazing scene in the MV--so it worked out.

Taehyung: Taehyung’s voice just kills in songs like this. I know I keep harping on his vocal tone--and that’s not stopping any time soon--but his voice adds emotion to this song. It’s not a gentle vocal exactly, but it’s breathy; because his voice is also deep, it combined nicely to push the song into the chorus and then kick off the bridge. Actually, I adore Taehyung’s voice in the bridge because he puts a lot of character into it with his vibrato and the bends in his voice.

Jungkook: Like Jimin in I Need U, Jungkook permeates this song. The vocals for RUN scream Jungkook, to me, because he’s consistently lending his smooth vocal tone to the entire song. It’s a song that needs consistency since it’s quite repetitive. Again, it’s hard to find individuality with this song, though not as hard as it is with I Need U; rather than individuality, you have Jungkook’s clear vocal consistency that provides a nice foundation for the song to sit on, and that’s what makes it work.

J-Hope: Hobi’s verse in RUN was something else. Melodically, I think it was the most interesting part of this song. It sounds so different when compared to the rest of the RUN; I mean, it still sounds like part of the song, but it almost sounds like they wrote his verse for something else and put it in this song instead, and doing that made the sickest section of RUN come to life. I absolutely love Hobi in this song; I vibe so hard. I’m giving the era to J-Hope.

Is this, like, a weird song to include on this list as an era? They filmed stuff specifically for this MV, right? That’s why I’m here. Whatever, we’re gonna talk about it. I don’t love this song, if I’m honest, but I wanted to be thorough, so I’ve got some opinions. I think, objectively, Taehyung would still be on the list, and probably Jin, too. I’m sure other people may choose Jimin or Jungkook, but it’s a short song, so who knows?

Jin: Jin’s vocal tone has so much texture to it in this song. He uses, like, intentional vocal cracks to add character into the vocal, and it really works. Vocal cracks can add a lot of emotion to a vocal take if they’re used correctly, and Jin is a master at it. Again, there isn’t much to say since this is a short song, but Jin sang beautifully.

J-Hope: So good, his rap verse is. He has the same melody as Yoongi in the beginning of his verse--and both of them sound great--but then Hobi’s melody changes and, all of a sudden, the music stops and Hobi continues rapping, and it’s so impactful. It’s hard to explain, but it’s a moment that gets your heart beating a little bit faster. I don’t love much of this song, but the end of Hobi’s verse is really special.

Taehyung: This is one of the few songs from before 2018 where Taehyung’s voice shoots through the entire song. He just has the “forever, we are young” lyric, but it’s sung so often, and it’s basically the center of the song. That notion is going to come up again in a minute, but anyway. Plus, Taehyung’s vocal color works well with the grandiose tone of this track. So, Taehyung owned the era for me since I feel like his vocal was central to the song’s overall sound.

We’re here with another repetitive, beat fetish song, but y’all, this is one of the most iconic songs of all time. Most, if not all, people say Yoongi owned this era. Then people would probably choose Jin and Jungkook. As this song is so repetitive for the vocalists--like, legit, three out of the four of them basically had one melody to sing over and over--I think it really comes down to which parts they gave the members and which parts I personally thought were more important to the song’s iconic reputation.

Jimin: No joke--even though this sounds like a joke--Jimin’s “la la la la la” part is one of the things that makes this song amazing. He killed it because he switched out the sweetness in his voice for something with a little more bass, and it came out perfectly. Don’t get me wrong; Jungkook’s “eh eh oh eh oh” is iconic, too; I just thought Jimin’s build into the chorus was so badass that I couldn’t leave him off the top 3 list.

Taehyung: Look, if Yoongi’s verse was different, Taehyung would number 1 in the FIRE era. I know he sings the same line over and over, but it’s the hook. It’s literally the part of the song that even people who don’t know K-pop is a thing know. I know this because I heard Taehyung’s part in this song everywhere when it came out, and I didn’t even know it was a BTS song. If you’re not counting the first line of the song, I really think Taehyung has the most iconic and memorable part in FIRE. Plus, the way he delivers it is absolutely perfect, and it’s legit all the song is for the last minute. No shade to the other members because they all have things that only they can do, but no one could pull of Taehyung’s line like Taehyung did. It’s such an important piece to this song, so I feel like Taehyung has to rank in the top 3.

Yoongi: After saying all that, even I can’t deny that this was Yoongi’s era to shine. As iconic as his opening line was, if that was all he had in this song, Yoongi wouldn’t have been able to own FIRE. It’s his rap verse that sticks out. He growls in his verse, did you know that? Holy shit, it sounds so cool. The entire verse a full ass mood, and I love it to bits. It’s got to be one of my favorite Yoongi verses in a BTS song. He was in his element in this era. Absolute legend.

This is another song that really comes down to how much I love the vocal takes since it’s really repetitive. I didn’t vibe with rap verses in this song, but that could just be because I don’t vibe with this song in general. Objectively, this is Jungkook, Jimin, and either Taehyung or Jin’s era. The reason I didn’t include Jimin isn’t because I don’t like his vocal tone in this song; I just went with the vocal characteristics that jumped out to me.

Jin: I’ve said this already, but Jin’s vocal texture is really nice in songs like this. I feel like, if I try and describe his voice, people are going to take it the wrong way, but his vocals are a bit more nasal and thin than the other members’, and it allowed him to sound really unique in Save ME. It added a lot of flavor to the song.

Jungkook: I know Jungkook is usually listed as number 1 for this era, and I don’t think that’s wrong. This is another song where Jungkook’s voice blends. It’s like the song was made for him, which is probably why he seems to permeate the whole song. The clear quality of his voice is really nice for Save ME.

Taehyung: My bias has decided that Taehyung’s vocal color is gorgeous in this song. No, honestly, even if I’m being objective, there’s still something to be said for how Taehyung contributes to Save ME. This is song that needs a little bit of soul, you know? And Taehyung’s falsetto is bit raspy in Save ME, which I think lends a lot to the emotion this song is trying to convey. Who owned this era will probably have very different answers depending on who you talk to; for me, though, it goes to Taehyung.

Objectively, Hobi and Jimin are always going to top this era, and I think most people would add Jin into the list. This is one of those songs where I disagree with the popular opinion just a bit--though there will be songs later where I almost entirely disagree with the popular opinion. Keep in mind, I’m focusing on vocal first and performance second. So, yes, if I’m talking about the MV, Jin absolutely sticks out. It’s just that my interests were drawn to other members vocally.

J-Hope: It really came down to the hook of the song, for me. I like Yoongi’s rap verse a little bit better, but Hobi is so freaking iconic on the hook of this song. That’s not to say that his rap verse was bad, though, because the rhythm it has is addicting. It’s a really good, intense vocal take that leads into the sharp decline of the chorus since the chorus is softer in the first half. The hook is where it’s at, though. Honestly, what a legendary part of this song Hobi has. And his voice pulls it off like no one else could--though Jungkook does do a wonderful job, too.

Taehyung: His voice just sounds so interesting in this song. I know some people may prefer Jungkook on the chorus because his voice is clearer while Taehyung’s is more delicate, but that’s why I like it so much. It sounds fragile, and Jimin and Jungkook chose a really forward sound for the chorus, so Taehyung stuck out a lot to me. At the end of the vocal run in the chorus, too, he puts a bit of static into his vocal to come down into his chest voice from his falsetto, and it sounds stunning.

Jimin: This is a Jimin song through and through. I love the diversity you get with Taehyung’s voice, but I also think Jimin’s sweet vocal color is a necessity for this song to sound amazing. Of course, Jimin sticks out in the MV, as well, but his vocals really made Blood Sweat & Tears special. Jimin also alternates between breathiness and full voice in a really masterful way, and it gives a lot of character to his vocal takes. Jimin owns this era, hands down.

This song deserves a Grammy, for real. I’m gonna make a post about that later, so I won’t get into it now, but damn, this song is phenomenal. I’m gonna get flack for my choices on this one, and I’ve accepted it. It’s such a gorgeous song that it’s hard to pick who stuck out, even if I’m being opinionated. Objectively, Jin, Jimin, and maybe Jungkook would probably be in the top 3, but there’s character in everybody’s voice in Spring Day.

Jin: Jin has this uncanny ability to sound ethereal when he sings, and it really showed in Spring Day. Jin was the perfect person to use to end this song; the uniqueness in his voice was a really impactful way to bookend Spring Day because it made it feel like a journey that had just ended. So much story was told through Jin’s voice in this song.

Namjoon: Namjoon sounds so fucking beautiful in Spring Day. If Jin was the perfect member to close out this song, Namjoon was the perfect one to begin it. He sounds gorgeous. I’m not gonna be over it for a long time, my friends. He should sing more, honestly; Namjoon’s voice is so smooth and relaxing. I adore him in Spring Day like nobody’s business.

Taehyung: I don’t know if this an unpopular opinion? So, Taehyung sounds phenomenal when he has to go up into the higher part of his range--which is a lot since most of the BTS songs are made for tenors, and he’s the only baritone. His vocal color is remarkably consistent, in a way that I haven’t heard with any other artist, all the way up his range, and it allows him to maintain the soulfulness in his voice regardless of what register he’s in. The way that manifested in Spring Day resulted in some of the most beautiful vocal takes I’ve ever heard. The vocal cracks, Taehyung’s deep tone, the breathiness snapping into heavy chest voice; it’s all so beautiful. His vocal at the beginning of the bridge is honestly one of my favorite vocal takes from any BTS song. I love it. This song is already emotional, but the way Taehyung’s vocals hit me in Spring Day is why I think he owned this era.

Most people agree that the rap line killed this song, right? That’s probably the top 3 for most fans. I don’t know if I’m gonna convey this properly, but this song is borderline dirty hip hop, right? It’s got really grungy beats, raps, and vocals, so that’s why I say that. The only other song like that in BTS’s discography--that’s a single, obviously, because there’s a good chunk of dirty hip hop B-side tracks--is MIC Drop. This is a preface for what I’m about to talk about, so bear with me.

Namjoon: I had a hard time picking between Namjoon and Hobi for my number 3, but both of Namjoon’s verses were animated in really contrasting ways, and that interested me a lot. The first one was brighter, and the second one had a lot more bass to it. I don’t know if this is the right way to explain it, but Namjoon’s pronunciation in his second verse was so satisfying. It isn’t exactly percussive, but it’s something close--like onomatopoeia--and I enjoy listening to it a lot.

Taehyung: Okay, I’m going to die on this hill--and I’ll bring it up again later--but when it comes to dirty hip hop, if you’re gonna have a vocal on it, Taehyung is always gonna sound bomb. This song isn’t quite the best representation of that because Taehyung doesn’t have that many parts, but you still get the idea. The natural bass in his voice plus the growl and distortion he uses in songs like this stands out in a big way. It’s the perfect accompaniment to a rap-heavy song like Not Today, which is a big compliment considering the vocals in songs like this aren’t usually meant to stand out as much as the rap verses are.

Yoongi: I don’t think I need to explain, but I will anyway. You get the intro with Namjoon, and then you come straight into Yoongi’s verse, and it’s such a satisfying way to start this track. Yoongi’s verse is definitely percussive and it works with the instrumental underneath so well. It’s somehow calm and exciting to listen to, and it gets you really hyped up right away. Yoongi does great things with his voice, too, because it sits really low before snapping up and then going back down; it’s so dynamic. What an icon, honestly. Yoongi kills the Not Today era.

What a pretty MV, you know? Not to throw shade, but whoever said Jungkook and Taehyung should have weird green accents in their hair was wack--even if it was the two of them that said it. Of course, I mean that in the best way possible because they look awesome; everyone looks fine as hell in the DNA MV. Anyway, so I think my top 3 is pretty common besides the fact that I don’t have Hobi. I know this is the “J-Hooooooooooooope” era, and I apologize. If I was just considering the MV and the choreo, Hobi would be number 1. Just know I freakin’ stan Hobi in DNA, okay?

Yoongi: Yoongi’s verse in this song has always stuck out to me a lot. It’s got a lot of pop to it, you know? Plus, after his first little verse, he sings opposite Jungkook, and it’s one of my favorite parts of DNA. Between the sweet vocals of Jimin and Jungkook that dominate the last half of the song and Namjoon’s verse that had a lot of bass, it was nice to have Yoongi pull the two halves of the song together with lower vocal that still sounded bright.

Jungkook: Y’all, Jungkook was absolute perfection in this song. I don’t know what it is, but the parts Jungkook had were tailor made for him. I’d say this is one of the few BTS songs post-2015 where Jungkook’s voice has a sweeter tone to it than Jimin’s, and it really works. It absolutely supports DNA the entire way through. Even though Jungkook’s voice blends into the mix seamlessly, he doesn’t get lost in it, and that’s why he stood out to me.

Taehyung: You would be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t think this was Taehyung’s era. Obviously, some people don’t think that, but so many people agree that Taehyung is the face of DNA, and that’s so funny to me because he almost disappears after the beginning of the song. He’s got the intro, the first pre-chorus with Jungkook, and a couple lines in the bridge, but that’s it, and somehow most people ardently agree that Taehyung owns this era. Obviously, I am one of them. I mean, he barely ever gets to use his voice like he does in DNA; the depth is extraordinary. It sounds absolutely stunning. It’s 100% the key vocal in DNA, and it makes total sense as to why. Taehyung dominates this era, for real.

I know, I know; most people’s top 3 would be the rap line, but sue me, okay? This song is the real power of BTS, to me, because I love it even though I do not vibe with the rap genre in any type of way. This song is hella rap-heavy, and I think it’s bomb. Iconic, even.

Taehyung: Listen, I have things to say. You know what I said about Taehyung and rap-heavy songs. This song makes me a want a rap line B-side song with Taehyung as the vocalist so badly. Give me an album with Jin, Jungkook, and Jimin killing the vocal game on one song and Taehyung plus the rap line killing a dirty hip hop song like this, please. It would be absolutely epic. Taehyung’s distortion, growls, vocal color, all of it, lend themselves so well to this era. He’s got the same lines and melodies as the rest of the vocalists, but because he’s got grit, it sounds like this song was meant for him. The rest of the vocalists do amazingly, too, but Taehyung sticks way the fuck out to me.

J-Hope: Alright, I know Hobi is number 1 on most people’s list, and I apologize. I agree that Hobi killed this song. His vocal at the beginning is fabulous. He intentionally makes it sound more whiny and nasal, and it’s perfect. Hobi is such a vibe in this song.

Yoongi: It was very difficult deciding who to put down as the one who owned this era, but I had to give it to Yoongi because of his delivery. He also made his voice thinner like Hobi, and it lent itself nicely to his rap verse, especially since the vocal was really animated. Yoongi puts distortion on the end of his lines, too, and it sounds amazing. I could listen to Yoongi spit fire on this song for days.

I have opinions about this song. I’m fully aware that, objectively, the top 3 would be Jungkook, Jin, and Jimin, but like I said--opinions. This is another iconic BTS song--at least, in my opinion. Just like with FIRE, I remember hearing this song everywhere before I started listening to BTS. I’m gonna say some things now that you may not agree with, and that’s fine because this is a fun post to make, and I’m excited to see what everyone thinks; just know every BTS member is an icon in my eyes.

Jin: Yo, Jin sounds so fire in this song. In the MV, I’d say he sticks out a touch more than he does if you only consider the vocal, but the vocal is still astounding. It’s not really the range I’m impressed with because Jin is a countertenor, so the C5s he’s hitting are well within his comfort range, but the tone he has when he hits them is remarkable. They’re so clear, but they still have character to them. I stan.

Jungkook: So, Jungkook mostly has the same melodies as Taehyung in this song, which makes sense because Jungkook’s comfort range is slightly below Jimin and Jin’s--though above Taehyung’s. I think the way Jungkook sounds on the chorus is gorgeous. It’s similar to War of Hormone, where his clean vocals bounce off of Taehyung’s--which, in FAKE LOVE, happens in the first chorus--and it sounds so nice. Jungkook goes for narrower vowels, and it makes his vocal takes sound slightly thinner, so it adds an interesting dimension to the song since Taehyung goes wider on the same parts.

Taehyung: Here are my opinions; are you ready? For the life of me, I don’t understand why people stan Taehyung’s deep vocals in DNA and then don’t think the same thing about FAKE LOVE. The way Taehyung sounds opening up this song is just as impactful, to me, as his intro in DNA was. Plus, him singing the melody while Jimin sang the harmony at the end of this song sounded beautiful. The real shit, though, is the chorus. Taehyung’s vocal texture on the chorus is it, fam. I’m not going to say anything about anybody else because people can absolutely love different members as much as I love Taehyung, but to me, Taehyung’s vocal on the chorus was the stand out piece in FAKE LOVE by far. The emotion he conveys and the texture in his voice make him, undoubtedly, the top in this era, for me.

Is this another song where people stan the rap line? It’s more of a beat fetish song than a rap-heavy song, but still. Actually, I guess the top 3 would objectively include Jimin and Jin along with Namjoon, right? Anyway. I didn’t like this song at first, but it grew on me. It was definitely hard to rank, though.

Yoongi: Another fire Yoongi verse lives within this song. He’s so aggressive, you know? He uses that distortion that I love coming from Yoongi, and he does those yips that I stan. It’s a good verse in the first place, but Yoongi really brings it to life and adds a lot of grit to it, so I love it a lot.

Taehyung: I feel largely the same about Taehyung in this song as I do about Taehyung in Not Today and MIC Drop. First of all, Taehyung growls in this song, so that’s iconic and nostalgic at the same time. Second of all, how about that pre-chorus, huh? Again, I don’t want to directly compare him to the other members because everyone is bomb in this song, but Taehyung’s deep voice really brought out the best in the pre-chorus. Besides that, the vocalists kind of just went “oh oh ooh oh,” so my analysis ends here.

Namjoon: I really think Namjoon’s first, opening line in this song is one of the most iconic parts of BTS’s career. If I’m being totally honest, I vibe with Yoongi’s verse more, but Namjoon’s presence in IDOL is so strong that I can’t deny him the title of owning this era. He’s definitely the face of IDOL, and he deserves it because he’s a king.

Alright, so this is one of the most unique songs I’ve heard BTS produce, but it’s not one of my favorites. As such, I ended up being a bit more objective than usual because I don’t have the experience with this song to develop hardcore opinions on who should be in the top 3. I imagine most people would say Jimin, and then maybe Jin and Hobi, as well.

Jin: Jin is not on this list because of “el mariajin,” but that meme is iconic. Jin’s nasally tone really made this song sound special during his parts. It was interesting to listen to him sing because it sounded like it really fit his voice and didn’t at the same time. I absolutely mean that in the best way because I think that kind of disconnect between a song’s tone and the singer can be really fun if it isn’t the case because the singer is a bad match. So, I think Jin’s vocal was awesome and engaging in this track.

Taehyung: This song is another one where Taehyung gets to flex his lower register, and it sounds really pretty. I don’t feel like a lot goes on in this song, so it was hard to rank people, but I really liked Taehyung’s voice against the instrumental. This is a unique genre for BTS, and I think Taehyung’s voice found an interesting place in it that I liked a lot.

Jimin: I’d say this is pretty close to being a Jimin song. His vocal stands out so much on the chorus. This song needs Jimin’s sweet tone for it to pull of what it wants to, so the fact that Jimin got a good chunk of the key vocal in this track helped it a lot. I’m not sure what else to say about it, but Jimin’s voice really fit this genre.

This song is a vibe and a half. Weirdly, I thought it was too generic the first time I listened to it, but now I adore it. Objectively, I think my ranking would still be the same as my opinionated ranking. Well, Jimin and Yoongi might trade places or Jin might replace Yoongi, but whatever.

Jimin: Y’all I was so convinced this was supposed to be a Jimin song when I was first exposed to it. He’s got the sweet tone that matches exactly with the genre of this song, and his voice compliments Halsey’s so well. Jimin really milked his vocal color for all it was worth in this song, and it shows. He did amazingly.

Yoongi: Yoongi’s verse is a bop, guys. It almost sounds lazy the way Yoongi delivers it, and it adds so much character to the song. It’s also pretty animated considering that this song is quite mellow, and it offered a nice contrast between everybody else and Yoongi. I kind of want to bounce up and down every time I hear his verse. Don’t know if that helps convey my feelings about it or not.

Taehyung: Taehyung’s voice in this song is flirting if flirting was a sound. Like I said, I thought Jimin was meant to be the center for this song, but I’ve seen a lot of “Who Owned Each BTS Era” videos, and not a one of them has failed to put Taehyung in the number 1 spot for the Boy With Luv era. I, like, totally get it, though. The way Taehyung presents his voice in this song is somehow gentle and light, but it still has a bottom to it, if that makes sense. And his falsettos on the second pre-chorus? Shut up. This is one of those songs where Taehyung’s specific accent and pronunciation make the song so much better. I absolutely agree with people that this was Taehyung’s era.

This is one of my absolute favorite BTS songs. First of all, it’s relaxing as fuck to listen to, and second of all, the vocalists really did that, you know? This song is hard for Jungkook, who isn’t a countertenor, and it’s hard for a baritone like Taehyung, and they still slapped in Lights. I don’t know what I would say objectively about this song. I mean, objectively, looking at the members’ vocal ranges, Taehyung would still top the list because he had the hardest job. Then I’d probably say Jungkook and Jin.

Yoongi: I know I just said a bunch of shit about the vocalists, but Yoongi’s verse is so pretty. Relaxation is guaranteed upon listening to his verse. It’s kind of a rap, but it’s also kind of singing, and Yoongi’s voice is so lovely to listen to. I want to give a shout-out to Hobi, though, because I almost gave this spot to him. I just thought the melodies in Yoongi’s verse were a touch more pleasing.

Jungkook: Again, Jungkook used narrower vowels in Lights because that’s how he sings comfortably when he’s a bit higher into his range, and it pulled a beautiful tone out of him. His vocals were really gorgeous in this song. Once again, he had a nice contrast singing opposite Taehyung, so it made me appreciate his vocals even more.

Taehyung: Y’all Taehyung being able to sing this high up into his range for the whole song is already impressive, but also having to hit two Bb4s and a C5 on top of that is hella impressive for a baritone. Not only that, but his vocal color sounds stunning when he’s up that high. I said this earlier, but his vocal tone is consistent regardless of the register he’s in, and the way he mixes on the high notes is gorgeous for that reason. It still sounded intense and full and deep despite it being close to the top of his range. This song is a banger regardless, but Taehyung’s vocals are what make me listen to it so often because they’re so special to listen to. He definitely owned this era.

So, I stuck Make It Right on this list because, even though it didn’t have a MV filmed for it, it was still a song which got two MV versions--even though they were almost exactly the same--so I figured it read as more of a single than the songs that were called singles but didn’t get an MV, like Don’t Leave Me. I have no clue who would be the top 3 if you think about it objectively, but I think it’d probably be the either the maknae line or two of the maknae line and Jin.

Jimin: So, this is a repetitive song; it’s a really calming song, so the repetition isn’t bad, but repetitive it still is. Therefore, I was paying attention to vocal color more than anything, and Jimin’s light tone sounded so beautiful in Make It Right. First of all, he does sing a bit deeper in the beginning of this song, and that’s really nice because Jimin’s voice has a lot of character when he’s either lower in his range or belting. Secondly, Jimin’s falsetto in this song is so pretty. There are a few songs where his falsetto can sound much the same as Jin’s or Jungkook’s, but I thought Jimin’s falsetto jumped out a lot in Make It Right.

J-Hope: Hobi sang the same melody that Taehyung and Jimin did on the verse, but it was just a bit different, and I adore it. Hobi’s vocal color isn’t heard nearly enough, and when it gets to be front and center in a song like this, I love it. He’s usually the one in the rap line with the highest vocal tone, but when he sings, he comes out with this lovely, low tone that blows me away every time I hear it. In Make It Right, it made the melodies during Hobi’s part feel special, and there was just a touch of static on his vocal, as well, that brought the verse to life.

Taehyung: I don’t know if this was intentional, but Taehyung’s vocal in the Make It Right chorus sounded like it was mixed to be the main vocal. I don’t know if that’s because this song sounds like it was made for his vocal tone or not, but if I listen to the “oh, oh, I can make it right; alright, alright; oh, oh, I can make it right” lyric, I hear Taehyung’s voice on top and everybody else underneath. It’s gorgeous, though. That’s why I feel like this is his era because his voice runs throughout the entire song in a way that doesn’t happen often with Taehyung. The solo parts he had in this song were done beautifully, as well, because you got to hear him sing in his soft, full voice and then flip into the airy falsetto that sticks out in any song it’s in. I don’t know, I just thought Taehyung’s vocal sounded exceptional in Make It Right, which is why it reads as a Taehyung song to me, as well as a Taehyung era.

Y’all about to fight me in the replies over this one, I already know. ON and Black Swan are the two eras I’m most nervous about posting my opinions on, but it’ll be interesting to see if anyone agrees with me. I know Jungkook is most people’s number 1 for this era and that Taehyung, Jin, or Hobi fall underneath him; that’s totally fine. Jungkook killed it, and I’m not trying to convince you that my thoughts are the only correct ones in any way. If I’m being critical and not subjective, Jungkook absolutely owns this era. My ranking is as opinionated as it gets.

Jimin: So, I had a hard time deciding who to stick in this position since all the rap verses were fire, and Jin also sounded amazing, but I think it’s the fact that Jimin’s vocal sticks out throughout the entire song that made me choose him. This is gonna sound like a joke again, but the “hey na na na” part is, like, a key vocal for ON, and Jimin’s vocal color makes it into a memorable piece of the song. I don’t know if that’s weird, but Jimin felt very present in ON.

Jungkook: I’m sorry, okay? In a lot of ways, the bridge of ON makes this Jungkook’s era. It was an extremely difficult vocal to pull off, and the song basically stops to give Jungkook the spotlight in a way BTS music doesn’t ever really do. I get that the bridge is, in many ways, the center of the song. I was so close to giving the era to Jungkook, I swear, because he sounded gorgeous. Especially the rasp on his voice when he belts. The falsetto note at the top is beautiful, but when Jungkook comes back down in his chest voice and jumps back up to a belt before his solo ends? I mean, he’s an absolute icon.

Taehyung: The reason I have Taehyung down as owning this era is because his vocal sticks out more during the rest of ON. This period of BTS music, up to their 2020 releases, has been doing things for Taehyung’s voice. He sounds different from how he used to, and the tone he’s creating from the songs that BTS has been making recently is stunning. I thought it fit ON really well, and Taehyung’s voice popped out every time he sang. I adore Jungkook, and objectively, he killed this era with his vocals; it’s just that his voice popped in the bridge, and I decided to consider the entire song because the chorus and pre-chorus are my favorite parts of ON. I’m going to say a similar thing about Black Swan, but in a song where the chorus sounds largely the same, regardless of who’s singing, the fact that Taehyung’s tone stuck out despite that was big deciding factor, for me.

Hold on. I know this is a set of unpopular opinions, but remember how I said I was considering the vocal first? To me, these vocals sounded the most unique in Black Swan. Again, if this were about the MV, Jimin would annihilate everybody; if it were about the choreo, nobody could touch Jimin. It’s just not what I was considering when making these rankings. I did consider the performance for Black Swan, but Jimin didn’t have as many central parts in the stage choreo as he did in the MV; plus I thought Jungkook and Taehyung both killed the choreo, as well, so I that’s how I landed on these rankings.

J-Hope: I really love Hobi’s rap verse in Black Swan. His vocal tone is gorgeous, and it sounds really unique in this song. The melodies for his verse are really nice on top of the mix, so I think Hobi probably had the most unique-sounding vocal in this song; it made his verse stand out since the rest of Black Swan is quite dark in tone while Hobi’s verse brought a bit of pop to it.

Yoongi: That being said, Yoongi’s verses in this song slapped. Yoongi can have this deep, almost lazy-sounding vocal tone--as I’ve said already--with really relaxed pronunciation, and for a song like Black Swan, it matched it perfectly. My attention is always grabbed by Yoongi in this song because it fits the concept so well. Also, he picks up right after Hobi’s verse, which had a bit of a brighter vibe, and the way Yoongi pulled it into the darker pre-chorus was amazing.

Taehyung: Alright, so the vocals are my favorite part of Black Swan, but there’s so much processing on the vocalists that Taehyung’s vocal tone is the only one that sticks out to me, and that’s why he owns this era, in my opinion. Taehyung, even, almost sounds the same as the rest of the vocal line, but his vocal color is distinct enough that he sounds different where the rest of the vocalists sound pretty similar. Also, like Yoongi, Taehyung’s deep vocal tone complimented the song really, really well. Black Swan is another example of how the BTS music from 2020 allowed Taehyung to showcase a slightly different vocal color, so I had to give the era to him.

I think we’re in slightly less controversial territory now, so here we go. If you’re being objective, I imagine anyone would say Jungkook topped his era. After, that I don’t know who would be in the top 3 objectively, but I’d guess it’d probably be Jimin and Jin since they featured a lot in this song.

Taehyung: I’m not gonna lie: this is another song that’s pretty repetitive, and a song where the chorus sounds the same, regardless of who’s singing. It’s not a bad thing because all the vocalists have beautiful voices, but since Taehyung didn’t sing “stay gold” once in this song, he stuck out by avoiding the repetitive hook of Stay Gold. I mean, his voice works extremely well in songs like this anyway, but his lovely vocal tone was especially beautiful on the pre-chorus. I think the way he decided to deliver it was really impactful, and it’s probably my favorite part of Stay Gold.

Yoongi: I just love Yoongi in Stay Gold. Taehyung and Yoongi are a hella theme for me in this post, but what can you do? Jungkook technically starts this song by singing the intro, but Yoongi’s got the first verse, and the way he adds just a bit of animation into his otherwise relaxed voice is so nice to listen to. It’s a short part, but it still stands out.

Jungkook: This is another one of those songs that’s tailored to Jungkook’s vocal. Again, the chorus is pretty similar across the vocalists, but Jungkook’s adlibs are so pretty in this song. Jungkook usually does most of the adlibs for songs like these with Jimin backing him up, but Stay Gold had a handful of standout adlibs from Jungkook that added so much magic to the tone of the song. Plus, even though the chorus is what it is, Jungkook stands out elsewhere in the song, and his vocal color is perfectly showcased in those areas. The Stay Gold era goes to Jungkook.

I almost want to save this song for last because it’s so iconic already. Listen, it’s a basic pop song, but the way BTS does it makes it not sound basic. I don’t think it’s one of BTS’s all-time best songs, but I do think it’s been their most successful so far since it’s a basic pop song that can get popular easily, and I think it’s their most repeatable song. I could--and have--listened to this for an hour straight without getting tired of it. It’s because BTS did it, honestly. Anyway, objectively, I still think Taehyung would top this era, but I know a lot of people would say Jungkook should, which is fine; I can tell that, when they recorded this song, they wanted Jungkook to be the vocal center. Also, a lot people love Jin in this era, and they should. He’s a king, and he killed it. Adding onto that, this was a vocal track so Hobi and Yoongi didn’t get a lot of parts, but they killed what they had; I just wanted to say that.

Jimin: I had a hard time picking the third member, y’all. I was bouncing between Jimin, Jungkook, and Jin, and honestly, I think they all did equally well in this song. What made me pick Jimin is that his vocal tone in this song is so different from how he normally sounds--especially when he sings this live. I don’t know if it’s because he stays pretty low in his vocal range for Dynamite or because of the type of song it is, but Jimin’s voice sounded so full in this song. I mean, yeah, he has moments where his sweet vocal tone comes out, too, but he mostly showcases a deeper vocal tone. I love it a lot because it isn’t usual for Jimin, so I think this is a good era for him.

Namjoon: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion or what, but Namjoon kind of feels like the face of this song in a lot of ways. He did say he had a lot to do with the vocal in this song because he’s “in charge of English,” so maybe that’s it, but his part in the pre-chorus was a hella bop. He did it so damn well. Yoongi did, too, mind you; I just think Namjoon brought a little bit of flavor into it, you know? He had all the jams in this song, for real. I remember wanting to highlight Namjoon’s role in Dynamite when I was thinking about making this post, and now I’ve done it, so I’m satisfied.

Taehyung: Y’all. I don’t know if there’s any Taehyung era on this list that Taehyung embodies quite like he embodies the Dynamite era. This is, like, the only moment I’m going to talk about visual concepts in this post because damn. Whoever decided to put Taehyung in that green suit and give that shade of blonde hair was a genius. He was looking some type of way in this era. But that’s not the point of this post. Taehyung’s vocal tone was astoundingly well suited to this song. He sounded the most distinct from the other vocalists than I’ve heard him sound in a long time. On top of that, he got the last chorus of Dynamite, which is the money piece of the song, in my opinion. They really said, “Let’s do a key change in this already high-pitched song that’ll jump up to a C#5 right at the end and give that part to BTS’s only baritone.” I know Jin hit the same note, and he did it beautifully, as well, but a C#5 is more comfortable for Jin to hit than it is for Taehyung because of Jin’s vocal type. The fact that Taehyung nails that note in studio and live is insane to me. To go from one line in their debut song to this? Holy shit, you know? Anyway, we’ve been here forever. Taehyung owns this era because he’s a mad impressive vocalist, and he made Dynamite his bitch.

Are you still with me? I’ve seen a lot of people say this was either Taehyung or Jin’s era, but I think I’ve also seen people show love to Hobi. Honestly, this is such a lovely song that I would agree with anyone’s opinions on who owned this era. It really comes down to who’s vocals hit you in the feels in that special way, and I can understand why any of the members would do that for someone in Life Goes On.

Jin: So, it’s kind of hard to hear in the studio version because the chorus is just everyone’s vocals layered on top of one another with shifting main vocals--which is fine because it’s supposed to feel like BTS, as a whole, is singing this song to ARMY--but Jin’s falsetto is heavenly in this song. He sings lower in his register, too, but I’m really drawn to how light and pretty his harmonies were. You can really hear it when he sings live, but regardless, Jin was awesome in Life Goes On. Even his lower tone brought a lot of character to the song.

Yoongi: Yoongi hits my heart in this song, man. I know he’s kind of rapping, but it comes off as singing, and it’s so beautiful. I could fall asleep to Yoongi’s voice in Life Goes On. It reminds me a lot of Namjoon’s part in Spring Day; we get a unique, melodic vocal tone within Life Goes On that we don’t normally hear in BTS’s music because Yoongi doesn’t usually sound like this. It’s so nice to have Yoongi on a part like this. I support soft Yoongi on future BTS singles. 100%.

Taehyung: Everyone sounds beautiful in Life Goes On, okay? Let me preface with that. However, Taehyung’s vocals really do support the tone of this song. It’s one of those tracks that’s supposed to sound peaceful and emotional, and it seems like Taehyung always ends up being the go-to vocalist for supporting that kind of music. I love everyone’s part in this song; Jin is very ethereal; Jimin is light and sharp; Jungkook sounds clear and smooth; Yoongi’s relaxing vocals are gorgeous; Namjoon brought in a lot of lovely bass; and Hobi kills the delivery of his melodies. There’s just something about the soul that comes with Taehyung’s voice in Life Goes On that gets me. The fact that he was the lead vocal at the very end, too, with the “I remember” lyric was such a good choice because the flip between his breathy, low vocal and his stunning falsetto runs closed the song out perfectly. It’s kind of like this was a fun song that everyone contributed to, and then Taehyung came in and added emotion on top of the warmth you get from everybody else. In my opinion, Taehyung owned this era because he felt like a special highlight within Life Goes On.

Why do BTS’s Japanese songs always hit so hard? I think the only difference between my ranking and the majority ranking is that Jungkook would probably be in it. I understand because I, too, thought Jungkook would be in this. However, upon further inspection, Jungkook isn’t actually in this song all that much. I mean, neither is Taehyung, to be fair, but Jin, Jimin, and Taehyung dominated the last--almost--minute and a half of the song, so. Here we are.

Taehyung: When I first listened to this, I thought, “Wow Taehyung doesn’t actually have a whole lot going on in this song.” However, I think his vocals do sort of anchor Film out in a way. It’s not like he had any sort of crazy vocalization going on, but Jin and Jimin were singing in a really raw way; it was a brilliant touch to convey the tone of the song, but it was desperation, not sadness. Taehyung’s vocal is where the complete story behind the song becomes clear because he adds the missing emotion. I don’t think Film out would’ve been as impactful had Taehyung not been given the parts he was given.

Jin: I mean, Jin killed it. The MV is definitely a Jin MV, but even the vocal features him really heavily. And I loved it. Jin always shines in their Japanese singles, and I think that’s because they’re always created to be emotional. Jin absolutely pulled that off in Film out. He played along the line of calm and tension beautifully, so his vocals definitely add much of the character to the song that we got in the final product.

Jimin: Jimin’s vocals were stunning, let me tell you. He sounded gorgeous. The high notes he was hitting, the tone he chose, the emotion he conveyed; Jimin owns his era, no questions asked. The harmonies he had with Taehyung and Jin in the last two lines? Shut up. Jimin was incredible in this song. It’s not very often that Jimin’s vocals stand out like this, so I’m glad he got the opportunity to be the vocal center, even though it was only for the last half of the song. It was so impactful to listen to him, so I knew this era was going to Jimin the second I listened to Film out.

Was I hella biased about this one? Yeah. Do I know who objectively owned this era? Yeah, it was supposed to be Jungkook. He’s the center of this song, obviously. I’d say the objective view of this era would be what I have, just ordered different. Taekook would probably switch positions for most people. That being said, this song is hard, y’all. Hobi said the recording process was easier than with Dynamite, but if that’s true, then the vocalists really upped their game because there’s C5s all over this track. It’s also repetitive, though, so that’s why it ended up being about who sounded the best, to me, up in that really high range. First, shoutout to Jimin because his vocal sounded really pretty on the pre-chorus, and his part in the chorus was awesome. Also, as an aside, the flirtiness in this song and in the MV had me on the floor, for real. I’ve not recovered.

Jungkook: As I said, I’m aware that this is a Jungkook song. When appealing to the Western market--as they are with an English song like Butter--BTS usually push Jungkook as the center more than they do in their Korean-language songs. Jungkook is my number three because there was really no one else it could’ve been. Which is both about Jungkook’s presence in the song and about how incredible he sounded. Butter, unlike Dynamite, really let Jungkook’s vocal tone pop. Not that Jungkook sounded bad in Dynamite--not at all--but Butter let Jungkook really shine. He got to put a little grit in his vocal, he got to belt; I mean, he sounded bomb.

Jin: Jin featuring more in Butter than in Dynamite has me living, you don’t understand. Y’all, Jin sounded so good in Butter. I could talk about every single line he had in Butter and tell you why he sounded stunning on every one of them. Like, the pre-chorus? Jin’s falsetto was beautiful. The middle line in the chorus when he sings “talk is cheap”? It’s iconic. The way he sings his part in the second verse? I mean, please. I know this is a lot about Jin being my number two because of his vocal, but isn’t that what this post is about? He was a king, you guys.

Taehyung: I don’t think it’s that much of a biased stretch to say that Taehyung owned this era. I mean, we can talk about the center or the amount of airtime or whatever you want, but Taehyung stands out the most, vocally, in Butter, and them’s the facts. No, I do not accept criticism. Jin is a close second, but man, Taehyung sounded so special, to me. I usually don’t catch incredible vocal takes on my first listen of a song because I’m trying to process the newness of it, but Taehyung’s vocal tone took my attention right away while I was watching the MV premiere. I’m not gonna talk about him being a baritone and hitting C5s again because it’s gonna sound like nagging, at this point, but when he goes up that high, he sounds stunning. Stunning. Not to mention, the dance-pop vibe to this song suits his vocal tone so well. Taehyung got to play with his vocal so much in Butter, it seems, that he produced an amazing vocal tone just for this song--and it’s amazing. Taehyung owns the era because--well, because his voice has, once again, devastated me.

I gotta be honest with this one and say that, for the first time, I didn’t walk away from a BTS era going “that member definitely owned this era for me.” After going through the song for the second time after its release, I got a good lock on who I think is the number one, but that still left the last two slots. Number three was the one I really had trouble with, though, because Yoongi did really well with his part--especially since he doesn’t usually sing--and Jungkook’s adlibs were amazing. The problem was that all the members felt equal in this era, and that doesn’t usually happen. So, I really had to analyze what it meant for someone to own an era, and I ended up with these three members because they had the most memorable vocals. Other people would probably include Jungkook instead of Jimin or Taehyung and maybe even Yoongi--which I get because I almost did the same--but this is what I thought was true for me.

Jimin: Jimin almost got beat out by Yoongi, but that was only for a second because I really listened to all the adlibs and embellishments Jimin was doing with his vocal in Permission to Dance, and it made me think he was the obvious choice for my number three. My first listen of this song made me think Jimin was the one that stuck out the most, and obviously, that view changed, but I still think Jimin was a foundational piece of Permission to Dance. His vocal did blend with the mix really well, but his vocal tone actually shone a lot during his parts despite that.

Taehyung: He just can’t help it, you know? If we’re talking about standout vocals, Taehyung’s voice is gonna clinch it nine times out of ten. Permission to Dance is bright and fun, and I thought Taehyung’s vocal brought a lot of warmth to it that isn’t there otherwise. His vocal filled out the song every time he sang--during his verse, the choruses, and the bridge. Rather than being a foundation through his full vocals, though, his vocal actually made him stand out more as a special piece. Also--and I don’t know if this makes sense--but Taehyung’s voice made the song seem happier, in a sense? I guess that would come down to the warmth I was talking about. Anyway, the bottom line is that Taehyung, not only filled out Permission to Dance, but lifted it up and made it even brighter.

Jin: No holds barred, Jin killed this era. Jin also made Permission to Dance sound fuller, but Jin’s vocal had the added quality of making the choruses sound more impactful. Besides that, though, this song was just made for Jin. That’s really what it is. Jin’s vocal tone sounds absolutely gorgeous in Permission to Dance. I don’t know if it’s because of the key or the genre or the melody or what, but Jin sounded so powerful and resonant, and it was obvious to me that he stuck out the most. I don’t know how many others would agree, but I really think Jin shone the brightest in the Permission to Dance era, which is why I had to give to him. 

Thus ends this post that took me two days to complete. I know Taehyung made it into nearly every top 3, but again, it’s just my honest opinion. I always gravitate to Taehyung’s vocal more than anything else because I find his vocal color to be so unique and special. However, BTS is special because of all seven members. I may not have put your favorite member on my list for a specific era or gave them a lower ranking than you thought they should get, but just know that I wouldn’t love BTS’s music as much as I do if any of the members were excluded. All of them kill it in different ways, and all of them have eras where they are undoubtedly the face of the song. And this post is only about the singles, mind you. We haven’t even talked about some of the best BTS songs of all time.

So, I hope you don’t find my opinions annoying, and I hope you share your opinions in the replies, whether it be because you think differently or because you agree with my unpopular choices. Even though I talked about why I think a certain member owns a certain era, I’m just explaining my thought process; I don’t want to change anyone’s mind on who they love in each era because that’s the beauty of ARMY and BTS. There’s so much to love, so I hope to see some love for all the members in response to this post. It was fun; thanks for reading.

[shanethvarosa]

Music Review: 2020

My blog has been a lot of things over the years, but it did originate as something I used to publicly review music; especially in the Visual Kei scene. Since I began the blog so many years ago, I had actually been hired to review Visual Kei and J-Rock music for an actual website: VKH-Press.com, work I am very, very proud of to this day. However, with not much news to comment on or work to critique, I haven’t been as active. Plus, personal issues always seem to stand in my way. However, I always take the time to discuss my passions at the end of the year. There were so many incredible releases, despite the COVID-19 pandemic, and so I wanted to take the time time to discuss my favorite releases and, maybe, the not-so-favorites as well. Quick shout out to Bastille’s Goosebumps EP and Megan Thee Stallion’s Good News LP as I did not get to listen to them before I wrote up my lists, but were still excellent releases. See my thoughts below! 

Overall, there were about 75 albums or groupings of albums I listened to this year and split them between various tiers. Starting with the bad tier, there were actually only ten albums listed here and mostly just because they were seemingly unnecessary collection albums. For example, another Satsuki collection? Rides in ReVellion releasing two greatest hits LPs after only five years of work? Beyonce releasing The Lion King: The Gift again? None of those felt like necessary releases. There weren’t many albums that really screamed bad to me this year, but I really could not stand Vanessa Carlton’s “Love is an Art” or Justin Bieber’s “Changes.” The only other albums on this tier were just underwhelming compared to what I know the artist is capable of, but the “best bad tier album,” in my view, was The 1975′s “Notes on a Conditional Form.” 

The mid-tier albums had all sorts of reasons for being only mid-tier. They weren’t quite bad or outright unnecessary, but are mostly by artists who put out work that was nowhere near the caliber of their usual work or were re-releases or other collection albums. For example, Tove Lo’s “Sunshine Kitty: Pawprint Edition” or Man With A Mission’s remixes/b-sides/covers albums. Nice to have with good quality music, but I wish we’d just have had brand new EPs or LPs. 

The good-tier albums were all really excellent releases, but didn’t hit home the way anything on the “God-Tier” list did. Here, I’d like to share a quick top ten: 

10. Taeyeon’s “Purpose: Repackage” & Japanese EP, “#GirlsSpkOut” 9. Charli XCX’s “How I’m Feeling Now” 8. Miyavi’s “Holy Nights” & “Holy Nights: 2020 Lockdown” 7. TK’s “Sainou” 6. PVRIS’s “Use Me” 5. Buck-Tick’s “Abracadabra” 4. Katy Perry’s “Smile” 3. Alicia Keys’ “Alicia” 2. Dua Lipa’s “Future Nostalgia” & “Club Future Nostalgia” 1. Ava Max’s “Heaven & Hell

Without furhter ado, though, the God Tier Top 25: 

25. Acme’s We Are Visual Kei: Essentially a collection album of several songs that were b-sides that never made a full-blown album. This LP was loaded with some of Acme’s best work and shows that they are going to be here for a long time, despite Div not quite working out. Recommended tracks: Mononoke Requiem, Gekiyama Celluloid, Houkago no Shiiku 

24. Alanis Morisette’s Such Pretty Forks in the Road: Admittedly, a huge fan in the 90′s and loved her cover of Seal’s Crazy. However, before this album I didn’t really listen to much of her body of work and I can see why today’s youth might not listen to this album. It is very “adult” insofar as it deals with her struggles in marriage, parenting, religion, etc. Her vocal performance is exceptional and her song writing remains some of the best in the business. Recommended tracks: Smiling, Nemesis, Reasons I Drink. 

23. Niall Horan’s Heartbreak Weather: Not my usual cup of tea, but for some reason Niall’s music makes me feel softer than normal. He’s very cute and charming and his words are always so romantic. It feels more genuine than the music made by other members of One Direction and kind-of reminds me of earlier Taylor Swift writing, but from a male perspective. Recommended Tracks: Put A Little Love On Me, Arms of a Stranger, Still. 

22. K/DA’s All Out: I don’t even really understand what this is, but I love it. There’s something to do with League of Legends? Cartoons? International pop stars? Whatever it is, I’m totally obsessed. These songs just completely slap. Recommended Tracks: The Baddest, More, Drum Go Dum. 

21. Darrell’s Brilliant Death: This might even “officially” be a single, but there’s enough content to market it as an album. Darrell is a band formed from the ashes of Deathgaze and Ai’s solo project. Who knows why Ai didn’t just continue after his solo album, Confusion, but he decided to go back to the band-format with confusingly-named Darrell. This album is then, incidentally, mostly Deathgaze covers. It brings the production into the new era and gives you a lot of nostalgic love for old hits. Recommended Tracks: Brilliant Death, Evoke the World, Abyss. 

20. Alice Nine’s Fuyajou Eden & Kuro to Wonderland: Neither album was particularly long, in fact these were glorified EPs that could’ve been merged to one two-sided LP, but in either case... Both albums had something really special to offer and felt like a true comeback after years of name changes and finally going back to their original, kanji-styled name. Recommended Tracks: Kakumei Kaika -Revolutionary Blooming-, Testament, Replica, Glow. 

19. Mucc’s Aku: This album felt very long in the making after a series of weird singles that didn’t feel like they were going anywhere. Ultimately, a lot of those singles did not make the album including my favorite one: Taboo. The resulting album, though, did feel very cohesive and thematic and even featured one of this year’s heavy hitters: Hazuki. Recommended Tracks: Aku -Justice-, Memai, Ameria. 

18. Miley Cyrus’s Plastic Hearts: This person is absolutely one of my favorite people in music. I’m pretty sure they have comeout as genderfluid/non-binary, so I want to stick with safe pronouns, just in case. However, they’ve always been a favorite and as they’ve come out as such a champion for the LGBT, I love them even more. The album though gave me a lot of hype for something very 80′s rock, but didn’t quite give me what I expected. All in all, the music was fantastic, just a little off-beat from expectations. Recommended Tracks: Gimme What I Want, Angels Like You, WTF Do I Know. 

17. Rina Sawayama’s Sawayama: I didn’t expect to fall in love with this girl the way I did. My boyfriend recommended “STFU” to me as kind of a joke because the song discusses a lot of Asian racism that I’m always criticizing people in my life for falling into, but then the song was so bad ass I checked out the album. There were so many different types of music on it and she really did a good job with all of them. Then, with the deluxe edition coming out and the hardcore club banger “Lucid” being involved... Just really brought it all home. Recommended Tracks: Tokyo Love Hotel, Lucid, Fuck This World. 

16. Amber Liu’s X: This was just an EP, but every song on it was great. Amber Liu was from f(x), a K-Pop Icon Group, but she always seemed like the odd one out. She was such a tomboy, so silly and funny all the time, and didn’t really behave like other Korean idols. I mean, really, she isn’t actually even Korean. I believe she’s Chinese American. In either case, the EP really noted some of her own personal strugles in the business and also remaining pretty fun at parts too. I saw her live in Philly before COVID-19 and she was truly excellent. Recommended Tracks: Numb, Stay Calm, Other People. 

15. Blackpink’s The Album: Not much of an album at only 8 tracks, but that’s K-Pop for you. I bet next year I’ll be putting “Blackpink’s The Album: Repackage” on my top 25 list. The quality of the music was pretty dope though, all things considered. It was a very solid debut effort with all of their previous songs being somewhere in the same lane as this one. I still kind of believe they are a reminder of what 2NE1 could have been, but they’re doing well enough on their own. Recommended Tracks: Ice Cream, Lovesick Girls, Pretty Savage. 

14. Hazuki’s Year Over All: Kind of a weird way to word it, but Hazuki basically released two albums this year in different formats. His work with his band, Lynch., was pretty magnificent. I’m not one to usually dwell on a Lynch. album. Their singles or featured tracks are what I usually get into, but the actual album (Ultima) really did a good job of showing how versatile Hazuki can be. His solo album, Souen -Funeral-, was an entirely stripped down, gothic orchestral album of Lynch. covers and other J-Hard Rock artists. Hearing it done like this was almost transcendental. Recommended Tracks: Xero, Idol, Ray, D.A.R.K. 

13. Sam Smith’s Love Goes: They had me scared that their album wasn’t coming this year once they pushed it back, back in May. Then again, at the time, an album called “To Die For” was probably super tone deaf. In any case, literally every single released for this album had me in love. So, when they all got included in the final version, I was thrilled. Sam gave us a bonus song after the album as well, but I can see why that one didn’t get on. In any case, this is a huge step up from “The Thrill of it All,” which I didn’t really care for. Recommended Tracks: Another One, Dance (’Til You Love Someone Else), Forgive Myself. 

12. Troye Sivan’s In A Dream: I love this kid. He’s so gay and so not shy about it and it really makes me smile. The EP comes after his last LP, Bloom, where the title track basically talks about bottoming for the first time and this new EP deals with a few other queer issues over weirdly produced beats that just... make sense. Recommended tracks: Stud, In A Dream, Easy. 

11. Matenrou Opera’s Chronos: Unfortunately, this band just lost their guitarist again. Their original, Anzi, was basically the most consummate guitarist in the visual kei scene that wasn’t Hizaki and he left them. Their sound wasn’t quite right since and they seemed to just get it back with Chronos when Jay left them. I guess we’ll see what they do next, but I think Chronos could be their last great release. Recommended Tracks: Chronos, Silence, Reminiscence. 

10. BoA’s Better: A very recent release that hasn’t had much time for me to digest. This is strange for me to put it so high on my list for that reason, but BoA is one of my all time favorites. She never disappoints me. This album was no different. It wasn’t exactly up to par with “Woman” or “Watashi Kono Mama de Ii no Kana,” but it definitely gave us some new and very iconic Queen BoA bangers. Recommended Tracks: Cut Me Off, Start Over, Temptations. 

9. Kesha’s High Road: A semi-step down from Rainbow, only because a lot of the same melodic elements and, sometimes, even beats were used on this album too. However, her vocal performance was outstanding and she even gave us a new dirty-pop song with some interesting indie-pop tracks to go with it. Plus, who doesn’t love a Big Freedia feature? Recommended Tracks: Resentment, Raising Hell, Tonight. 

8. Lady Gaga’s Chromatica: Anyone who knows me knows I don’t really love Gaga anymore. After all the drama with Madonna and her experimentation with “Joanne” I didn’t think I’d ever like her music again. However, she definitely won back big points for me on Chromatica. It was finally fun, weird, dancey, and then simultaneously emotional and I was really able to get back into it. She’s always had the voice, but on this one it also showed us that she still has what made us love her. Recommended Tracks: Rain On Me, Plastic Doll, Enigma. 

7. Koda Kumi’s My Name Is... Angel + Monster: She is, very likely, my Japanese Pop Queen. She always makes these absolutely outlandish bangers of dance tracks that have such a great attitude and beat and when she released re(CORD)... last year? 2018? Who can remember... I thought she could never outdo herself. Then she released “Lucky Star” and I was floored. I was a bit disappointed when they were only to promote a “My Name Is...” collection album, but then, to my surprise, a full set of new tracks came out just after that just blew me entirely away. Guess the last 6 albums must be pretty great, huh? Recommended tracks: Killer Monster, Work It!, Alarm. 

6. Grimes’ Miss Anthropocene: I’ve never been a big fan of Grimes, but when Violence came out I was really looking forward to whatever album this was going to end up promoting. The song is actual fire, but then the LP ended up being some kind of experimental Gothic Pop with Asian Pop influences I never expected. I doubt I’ll ever find something she does this good ever again, but it was really a musical light in the darkness of this year. Recommended tracks: Darkseid, Delete Forever, Violence. 

5. Kylie Minogue’s Disco: Admittedly, my draw to Kylie has always been that she is like some kind of Australian Madonna. Madonna being one of my all time favorite artists... In fact, number 2 for all women I listen to, Kylie has some big shoes to fill with her sometimes generic pop that she puts out. However, I haven’t really truly loved a Kylie song since “Get Outta My Way” and then this album comes out filled with tracks to love for the rest of time. Recommended Tracks: Miss A Thing, Till You Love Somebody, Magic. 

4. Chanmina’s Notebook/Angel: I don’t have really any way of knowing how popular Chanmina is in Japan or if she is as popular in the Japanese Queer Scene as she should be, but god damn does she know what she’s doing. Her music is raunchy, bitchy, and condescending at it’s highest and deeply personal at it’s most mellow. There is no “lowest.” “Notebook” was a two-sided album and “Angel” a strong follow up EP, but all the recommended tracks are from “Notebook.” If you have not listened to “Picky”.... go do it now, I’ll wait. Recommended tracks: Picky, Baby, Lucy. 

3. The Weeknd’s After Hours: Incidentally, I got into The Weeknd after someone said something shitty about him here on Tumblr! I took their likely-valid criticism and went to check him out for myself and I gotta say, I love his work. The beats are literally always on point and his voice is like silk. This album provided more than a few iconic songs and I always can’t wait to see what he does next. Recommended Tracks: Alone Again, Heartless, Blinding Lights. 

2. Halsey’s Manic: The singles and features she did between Hopeless Fountain Kingdom and Manic gave me such insanely high hopes and I was not disappointed. HFK was a strong album of course, but this was near perfection for me. I think the production of this alt-pop album was the star of the show because it wasn’t all one way, there were heavy-bass songs, interesting piano riffs, striaght up punk rock, all of it. She really made an album quite like it’s namesake. Recommended Tracks: Ashley, Killing Boys, Still Learning. 

1. Dexcore’s Metempsychosis: A newcomer to the visual kei and death metal scene, they’ve been putting out single after single for years in preparation for their extemeley long and multidaceted debut album. With a total of about 33 songs, the entire second disc was rerecorded singles from their early days and some even got new lyrical treatment. The main series of songs were, of course, also totally flooring and all of the recommended tracks are the new ones. If you haven’t checked them out by now, you have to! Recommended tracks: Cibus, Scribble, Period.

[calumrose]

Trigger [Police/Gang!AU] Chapter 3 || C.H

A//N: Haven’t got very much to say this time which makes a change! So... yeah... here’s chapter 3! Enjoy!!

Word Count: 9.2k

Summary: Eloise Gray and Calum Hood, not two people you would ever think to put together. What started as a ploy for power turned into a romance, resulting in the realisation that loving your enemy may not be such a bad thing after all.

Previous Chapters: Prologue / Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

26 Days Left

The small café bustled around her; people engrossed in the art of conversation, blinded to the passing of time as they spent their hard-earned money on overpriced coffee and small sandwiches. She sat at the small table in the corner, the cold metal of the chair beneath her squeaking with every adjustment she made to her position, her hand wrapped around the cheapest coffee she could muster the courage to purchase to avoid conversation with a stranger who would make her presence known to be unwelcome in the small business unless she bought something.

Her phone lay on the dark wooden table, the device open on her rather empty Instagram account, the few people she followed sharing photos she had already witnessed a thousand times before, the sight now boring her to the bone. She clicked on the icon which took her to her own profile, her eyes looking over the few posts she had made over the years, the last one being a year after her dad died. The single photo stood out in comparison to the others, the photograph bringing a smile to her face while also conducting nothing but pain in her heart. She had shared a photograph of a happy day; the smiles of both her parents as they stood with Eloise between them on a hill, the view behind them breathtakingly beautiful. The caption was something that she had debated over for hours when she decided to post it, it constantly being edited and changed until she settled on her decision of a simple ‘I miss you’. A small yet powerful combination of words that spoke louder than any actions could for her.

Eloise quickly swiped the app to a close, sighing quietly to herself as she listened for the sound of café door opening, the little bell stationed above the door frame making it an easy thing to track. It wasn’t her usual scene; a café like this one. It was nice but she didn’t belong there, feeling as though she was a stranger in her own city within these brightly painted walls. She had to remind herself that there was a reason as to why she was here, a reason to why she had pushed herself out of bed this morning and ventured into Queens for the second time that week. She sipped on the bitter dark liquid, the patterned mug in her hands warming her nicely as she patiently waited, her foot steadily tapping against the black panels of the floor, the lingering taste on her tongue rekindling why she wasn’t the biggest fan of coffee most days.

The café door squeaked as it was pulled open, the sound of New York traffic momentarily being heard before it was overpowered by the ringing of the small golden bell as the door brushed against it. The suction of the door connecting with the frame once again lingered in the café as two more bodies joined the already crowded business. Eloise’s eyes followed them as they walked inside, the familiar broad shoulders and caramel skin catching her attention as she watched the tall man walk about to the counter to place his order. Her eyes fell to the woman who stood by his side, noting the difference in their height, watching their body language as they joked with one another and discussed the menu in front of them. She had hoped to find him here alone but with another body to grace her presence with, she guessed she would just need to pluck up the courage and get it over with sooner than expected.

She cleared her throat as she stood from her seat, leaving her warm coffee on the table as she took a steady few steps towards the small bannister that separated the seating area from the queue of people who waited to order at the counter. She braced her hands against it, leaning forward slightly as she braced herself to grab his attention. God, what was she doing…

“Hello stranger,” She called out, the corner of her lips tilting upwards at the sight of his shoulders freezing, his body slowly turning in place as their eyes met one another’s in a familiar dance. Fake feelings, Eloise, remember fake it! “I was wondering if I could grab you for a chat quickly,” Her brown eyes fell to the woman who stood beside him, a friendly smile gracing her lips as she nodded over in the direction of the table she was sat at previously, “I’ve got a table where we could talk if you’re not too busy?”

Eloise’s chest released a deal of tension she didn’t even realise was there at the sight of his nod as his smooth voice accepted her offer, “I’d like that.”

The faded sound of his voice could be heard over the crowded conversations of the café as he called to the woman that he came with to grab his order, naming it as his ‘usual’, as he excused himself through the growing queue of customers before walking over and talking a seat opposite where Eloise sat at the petite table in the corner of the café. She couldn’t help but notice his attire; admiring the crisp, white button-up shirt, his black slacks and coinciding black boots which oddly worked with the formal fabrics on his body, the main claimant of her attention though, was the jacket he wore: a charcoal coloured pea coat. The fabric accentuated his broad shoulders, the structured lining of the coat only highlighting his mesmerising stature, making him seem as though he was more muscular than he actually was. He looked good. Actually, scratch that, he looked gorgeous, and Eloise couldn’t deny that.

“I know you said you’d find me, but I won’t lie, I didn’t expect you follow through,” His chuckle echoed in her ears, his gentle eyes finding hers from across the table, “You had me nervous that I wouldn’t see you again if I’m completely honest,”

She grasped the mug of now-cold coffee in her hands, lacing her fingers around the cold ceramic as she stared up at him, “I just wanted to thank you again for the other night and apologise again for leaving you with an almighty pair of blue balls,” She couldn’t hold back her giggle at the final words, “I do feel a little bit bad about that you’ll be glad to hear.” She noted how his cheeks at heated her words, the thought of that night briefly dancing across his mind.

“Speaking of that night, I asked you a question before you left but you seemed awfully rushed and I don’t believe you gave me a proper answer,” He teased, his eyebrows raising as his eyes watched while her own chocolate ones burrowed into his.

“From what I can recall, I told you I would think about it,”

“And I’ve decided that I’m not taking that as a valid answer, sorry, but I don’t make the rules,” Calum smirked, “The CEO of first dates doesn’t do ‘maybes’.”

Eloise had to fight the smile spreading on her face at his stupid response, every muscle in her face pressing against the urge to laugh at his terrible line.

“The CEO of first dates?” She rolled her eyes, “Really? Could you not have just said you would like a straight answer instead of throwing out that god-awful joke?”

“It made you smile though didn’t it?” He noted the corner of her mouth twitch, knowing she was fighting a smile that he had easily enticed, “So that’s a win in my book.” He was still such a smooth talker, although she couldn’t say the same about him when he was drunk.

Eloise wanted to scream at the smug smile on his face, trying to remind herself that he was a police officer, and this was all part of a plan. None of this is genuine, she kept telling herself, it’s all part of a game.

But why shouldn’t she have fun with it? Why not enjoy it while she could? Who was Eloise to deny herself a bit of fun and no feelings. No true feelings anyway.

“I guess for the sake of your reputation I better give you a ‘yes’ then,” Eloise smirked as she spoke, sipping on the disgustingly cold drink in her hands, “Can’t have you handing back a poor report to Mr. CEO.”

“He and I both greatly appreciate your cooperation, and just to show our appreciation, I’ll let you pick where we go for dinner.” Calum’s smirked matched the one wore by Eloise.

“How kind of you,” The mocking tone of her voice only enticed Calum further, “But going for dinner isn’t my style, I don’t really fit into the typical little black dress and fancy suit dinners that I’m sure you’re used to.” It was as if her body was on fire as he stared at her, the heat radiating of her hands almost as hot as the temperature the coffee previously steamed with. “Why don’t you surprise me? I’ll let you take some control.”

The way those words rolled from her tongue had Calum’s stomach doing flips, his eyes flickering for the glimpse at her lips as her tongue poked out at the final letter. Something about the girl who sat opposite him tantalised him, the way her fingers curled around the ceramic mug taunted him, the way her eyelashes fluttered with every blink made him feel things he didn’t even know were possible.

“What time will I pick you up?” The question came from his lips before he had even thought it through, his breath quite literally being stolen at the sight of her.

“Eager, are we? What if I’ve got plans tonight?”

“Cancel them.” It came out as more of an order than a friendly suggestion, his voice deepened as his stare hardened on her. His tone was the perfect mixture of silk and sandpaper, Eloise becoming fascinated by the contrast.

Her eyes held their stare out with his midnight ones, her hand grabbing hold of the napkin that sat scrunched up on the table before she held her hand out for him, “Have you got a pen?”

Calum couldn’t even register his hand reaching into his pocket, searching for the tool before his eyes dropped to her hand scribbling on the white tissue in front of him. She smiled as she pushed the napkin and pen back towards the tall god, standing to her feet as she placed the pen in the pocket of his shirt that peeped out behind his jacket, her teeth gaining a delicate hold on the inside of her bottom lip. “Let me know what time you’re coming, and I’ll send you the address. I guess I’ll see you tonight, lover boy.”

Words hadn’t even had a chance to form in Calum’s throat before she made her way outside and left the café, smirk spread across her face as she turned left onto the busy street of the city. The sun beat down on her face as she walked, Calum’s eyes following her as she soon disappeared out of sight, leaving him sat at the table with nothing but a cold coffee and messy napkin in midst. His let his eyes drop from the chair she once sat on, the ink that littered the scrunched piece material on the table catching his eye as he read the text quietly to himself, registering the pattern of numbers were in fact a phone number. She had left her phone number.

A single corner of his lip upturned as he shoved the tissue into his pocket, smirking slyly to himself at the thought of her. He couldn’t do anything else but smile or smirk when it came to her: a total stranger.

“You look pleased with yourself,” A voice called out, a takeaway cup of coffee being placed into his eyeline as his hands reached up to grasp it, his eyes glancing up to meet with Nikki’s, the woman he had abandoned at the front of the café. “But then again, when aren’t you?”

Calum rolled his eyes as he stood up, taking the food bag from her in his other hand, following her out of the café as they called their goodbyes to the owner before heading back to Nikki’s car. It was their weekly trip out of the precinct for lunch, treating themselves to their favourite sandwich from one of the best cafes in the city.

“What did she want?” Nikki’s voice cut the silence as they climbed into the vehicle. The smell of fresh bread and coffee filled the car rather quickly as their doors closed, the smell being one that Calum loved, a small comfort that made a great impact.

“She has a name, y’know,” Calum smirked as he unwrapped his sandwich, resting his left ankle on his right knee the best he could due to the small space within the car, “And it’s nothing big, I met her a few days ago so it was just a friendly chat.”

“Uh huh,” Nikki’s dark eyebrows raised as she turned in her seat, taking a gentle sip of her coffee from the black takeout cup. She could see the way Calum avoided answering her question in full, admired the effort but wasn’t stupid enough to let him off that easy. “Something about her has clearly got you smiling, Cal, and I want to know what, especially considering she doesn’t typically give people things to smile about.”

Calum’s brows furrowed at her final sentence, his eyes catching hers from the side as he took a bite of his well-compact sandwich. He chewed the contents, turning his head to give his partner an uneasy look, unsure of what she meant. Nikki knew this look; she had gotten to know it all too well over the years.

“You do know who she is right?” Nikki choked out, placing her coffee back into the cupholder of her car, holding her still-wrapped sandwich in her hand, turning further in her seat so she sat with her full attention facing Calum, “Eloise Gray? Does the name ring a bell?”

Nikki couldn’t ignore as she watched the hamster wheel inside Calum’s head began to spin, letting him piece together the few pieces of the small puzzle before a subtle wave of realisation hit him. His mind going back to the briefing he received at the station not too long ago.

“She’s Thomas Gray’s daughter, Calum, she’s a Gypsy King,” The name spat from Nikki’s tongue like a blow-dart, “And with the current case Charlie’s got going on, I don’t think it’s the best idea that you’re seen with her. It’s asking for trouble, and I’m not just talking about if Charlie were to find out.”

He kept his face calm and collected, the realisation setting in of why her name sounded so pretty being spoken from his lips. Not only did beauty drip from her name, or her eyes cause Calum to feel as though he was drowning, he had seen her before without even realising. She was in dozens of police reports that he had looked over and passed to other officers, handing them to the newly established gang unit to sort. He swore he could hear the silent clock of the car radio begin to tick as silence swallowed him, the images of the pretty brunette flashing across his mind like a laser light show.

Calum was aware of the outbreak that would occur if his Lieutenant were to discover his casual sit down with Eloise alone, never mind the innocent drunken night they had shared together. Although they were innocent to bystanders, Calum knew the true extend of his feelings between them; she was a Rubik’s cube he couldn’t solve, and he wanted to keep going back for another try. What puzzled him was that he didn’t under why he kept wanting to go back. Why he wanted to try and crack her. There was a level of infatuation he hadn’t experienced before, and it intrigued him.

“Don’t worry about it, Nik, it’s just a drunken thing that’ll fade into nothing in a few days,” Calum shrugged, picking up a fallen piece of cucumber from his sandwich, popping it into his mouth as he chewed, “Charlie doesn’t need to know nothing that doesn’t affect his case.”

“I just hope you know what you’re doing, Cal, if anyone found out you had even spoken to one of those gang bangers you know what would happen,” Her words laced with fear for her partner. Her rough hand coming to rest on his shoulder as she squeezed it, the war going on behind his eyes visible to her as she sat opposite him within the confined space. “She’s dangerous. You need to forget and erase her, don’t let a girl like her flash a smile and make you her lap dog.”

*****

26 Days Left

The drive to his apartment was almost as pretty as him she noted, luxurious tall buildings lining the roads into the Queens; the city coming alive with energy in the early evening. Eloise couldn’t stop telling herself how crazy she was for not cancelling this date when she received his text, telling her that he would pick her up just after seven that evening. She had to remind herself multiple times as she got ready that it was part of the plan that she had to follow through with. She reminded herself that once they got the shipment, she could forget Calum existed and disappear. That’s what kept her willing to follow through with the ploy, the taste of freedom and tranquillity on the tip of her tongue and she was dying to for a bite.

Eloise subconsciously dissected Calum’s attire for the evening, noting that he clearly hadn’t changed from he had finished his shift, coming straight from the precinct to come and collect her. His coat had been discarded in the backseat, the white sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, revealing the familiar black ink along his arms that lit an unbecoming flame in her stomach. He had loosened the top few buttons of the shirt, although she had noticed from the café, he had never buttoned the top two anyway, allowing for a more rugged and free spirit to be perceived of him as he drove.

She wondered if anyone else knew that he was out a date? Did they know it was with her? Eloise couldn’t help but wonder if the woman from the café this morning had asked about her? What did Calum say? Would she be mad if he didn’t tell anyone? She couldn’t be, not really. All the Gypsy Kings new about her whereabouts tonight, that being because she was technically ‘working’, which wasn’t a lie.

She couldn’t help to feel underdressed compared to Calum, even though he only wearing what he wore to work that day. She compared his white shirt and slacks to her dark jeans and oversized acid-wash black sweatshirt, the lace strap of her bra poking out where the material slumped down her shoulder. She didn’t dress for dates, what she was supposed to wear?

“Should I be worried about what you have planned?” Her eyes glanced at his focused expression before they met the road ahead, watching as they passed by a park, the sound of gentle discussion buzzing around the space from the low volume of the radio. “Please don’t tell me you’re taking me to an assault course to put me the through my paces or something.”

Calum couldn’t hold back his small laugh, shaking his head as he turned down the road to his right, continuing on his journey to their destination. “As much as I would love to see you attempt to jump one of those 8ft walls, I’m not exactly dressed for it, but maybe next time.”

“Next time?” She repeated, smirking playfully as the colour of his cheeks deepened at the realisation of his words, “We’re not even ten minutes into this date and you already think you’ll be getting another one? You’re confident, I’ll give you that.”

“Is that a yes to another date I hear?”

“It’s a maybe,” She responded, slowing down the words as they left her lips, feeling his eyes on her as they recalled their previous brief discussion of ‘maybe’ not being a valid answer.

The road Calum drove down began to familiarise with Eloise, her eyes recognising the street signs and the flowers that decorated the lampposts. She caught sign of a graffiti artist on the corner, a can in his hand as he stood back and admired the work he had created. It amused her, sitting in a car with a police officer, witnessing an act of vandalism, being a criminal herself, and feeling nothing but admiration for the artwork in her sights.

Calum couldn’t stop himself from thinking how different she was from that first sober morning they had together, the distance between them seeming cold as she desperately looked for an excuse to leave. Almost as if she were afraid of what she had done with him that night. But now, she seemed confident, full of attitude and ready for whatever would be thrown her way. She seemed as if she was ready to have fun, to enjoy herself with his company. That’s what he hoped anyway.

She could feel his eyes practically burning the side of her head at her response, his reaction to it delayed due him driving but now that he was parked, he could give his full attention. She removed herself from the car before he had a chance to speak, smirking to herself before closing the door behind her and stepping onto the grass next to his drive. The house brought back memories Eloise could only lie and say she wished to forget, memories of a secret night that no one else knew the true events of. “So, what have you got planned for this first date then? If we’re back at your place and you’re not dressed for an assault course, what could you possibly have in mind? Game night? I promise you I could kick your ass in a round of Mario Kart,”

“Will you get this stupid idea of an assault course out of your head? I can assure you that I have a plan for tonight, and it includes no running and no climbing, I promise you that. And fortunately for me by the sounds of things, no Mario Kart either.”

“Shame.” She whispered, sending a wink in his direction before she turned on her feet, making her way up to the front door of his home, hearing his own footsteps follow closely behind her.

He opened his door to reveal the familiar space to her, a space where she panicked on a different night and had set herself up for the position she was in currently. She walked inside after some gentle coaxing from Calum, removing her shoes and leaving them by the door as she followed him into the open plan living room/kitchen.

“You can make yourself comfortable and there should be some drinks in the fridge, I’m just going to quickly get changed, so I shouldn’t be long.” He excused himself, quickly disappearing down the grey hallway Eloise remembered all too well, the photograph flashing across her mind as she watched his body disappear behind the neutral coloured wall of his hallway.

Eloise stood there alone in the house of the respected detective, her warm brown eyes looking around the walls that surrounded her as she took a few silent steps and admired the home. It was nice, she couldn’t deny it. It was really nice. It seemed so homely, so warm and comforting, the complete opposite to her apartment. She felt as though she didn’t need to worry about the boiler packing in when she stood in this house, assurance being silently given that it would be never a problem, neither would any leaking taps or a broken cupboard door beneath the sink.

Tip tap tip tap tip tap tip tap… The noise clicked in Eloise’s ears, the sound reminding her of nails against a keyboard at a computer. Her eyes searched the room, trying to source where the repetitive clicketing was coming from. She turned around, looking towards the glass sliding door next to the TV, hearing the low repetitive sound as she turned. What was that noise? She turned again, looking towards the dining room table, remembering the individual chair where she found her jacket that morning. Tip tap – there it was again! She sighed as she looked around, her brain not being able to piece together where on earth the tapping was coming from. It was a small bark that vibrated through the room which made her suddenly realise. She leaned over the kitchen island to find a small black and white pooch sitting as he looked down at the metal food bowl in front of him.

It was a dog all along. Eloise released a sigh of relief as she walked around the kitchen counter, smiling as she knelt down next to the pup, reaching her hand out slowly, turning it so he had an opportunity to give her a sniff and decide if he would befriend her or not. In all honesty, Eloise didn’t think he cared at this point. The only thought on that little guy’s mind right now – dinner. She chuckled as he gave an inquisitive sniff, his big cow-like eyes staring up at her with a tilt of his head before he looked back down at his silver dish, brushing it with his nose and causing it to collide with the island, the clashing sound echoing briefly in the room.

“Duke, man, we get you’re hung- Oh, you’re down there!” Calum stopped himself midsentence, registering Eloise sitting cross-legged next to the hungry pup.

“I didn’t know you had a dog,” Eloise spoked as she stroked the dog, Duke’s, head before hauling herself to a stand, lifting his food bowl as she handed to Calum over the island-top, “If I’d known you had a dog, I would have said yes to a date a lot quicker. He’s adorable.”

“You hear that, mate?” Calum laughed, looking down at his canine friend, “You’ve got more lady luck than your old man.”

“He’s your secret weapon.” Eloise joked, giggling lightly as she leaned on the counter and watched as Calum fed the small pup.

She couldn’t help her eyes from drifting over to the pot that sat on the countertop on the other end of the kitchen, her curiosity getting the better of her as she moved towards it, her nose beginning to sense the smell of spices as well as a million other delicious smells that drifted from the pot. “What’s this?” She asked, reaching to lift the lid before Calum stopped her.

“That’s actually leftovers from last night,” He chuckled, “I was gonna order some takeout for us as I don’t have much in the cupboards and it seems easier to order in than make something that I don’t know if you’ll actually like.”

“What are they leftovers of?” She asked him, ignoring his idea of takeout as she lifted the pot lid, smiling to herself as she examined the food inside. It looked so good - definitely more appealing that a cheap takeaway.

“I had tried out a new recipe that I found online. I attempted to make Mongolian beef, and it ended up being edible, but I would still say takeout tastes better.” He tried to tactfully excuse Eloise from the kitchen, subtly trying to place the lid back onto the pot. He seemed to be embarrassed at his attempt at cooking.

“It probably tastes better than anything I can cook,” She shrugged, looking at him with a comforting smile, “Why don’t we just eat the rest of this? ‘T means we don’t need to wait for the food to eventually arrive, we just need to heat this up and cook some rice or something to go with it.”

“El, we don’t have to do that, there’s a pizza place literally around the corn- “

“You can order pizza if you want, but I’m gonna have some of this. Now, where do you keep your bowls?” She walked further into the middle of the kitchen, beginning to pull open cupboards as she searched for a bowl to heat her meal in.

Calum watched on as she searched, her hands collecting utensils that she thought she would need, placing them out onto the kitchen counter. “Am I not supposed to be treating you for a first date? But instead I’m letting you eat leftovers from my own dinner last night.”

“You can try and stop me, but just know it won’t end well for you.” She shrugged; a teasing smile hidden from Calum as she turned to spoon some of the aromatic heaven from the big pot into a smaller one.

He contemplated trying to stop her, to insist that he buy them a pizza, but something told him there was no changing her mind. She seemed persistent in eating what he had prepared the previous night and she seemed happy to embrace his attempt at cooking something new.

“For god’s sake Calum, just eat with me please,” She sighed, a hint of frustration teasing her voice as Calum stood there with his phone in his grip, seeming to still be contemplating ordering some form of takeaway, “Luckily for you I am the master of reheating food, so sit back and let me work my magic.”

*****

Eloise smiled widely as she place her empty bowl down on the coffee table, smiling at Calum as he ate his last few bites. “You’ve seriously got some hidden talent in the kitchen, that was so tasty.” She smiled widely, taking a sip of her beer before she rested it back down on the coaster.

“I’m glad you liked it, it’s nice to have someone else’s opinion who I can actually understand,” He laughed, “Duke will eat almost anything he can get and as much as I can appreciate his excitement by him wagging his tail I have to admit some human validation is nice.”

Eloise took his empty bowl from him, piling with hers before sitting back on the couch, turning so she faced Calum fully, her legs curling beneath as she admired the man sitting opposite her in his laid-back attire. The navy t-shirt he wore hugged his torso beautifully, the skinny jeans clinging to his legs in all the right places as he sat on the couch, head resting against his fist as he rested his focus on her.

“So, how long have you lived in New York?” She asked, trying to kick off a conversation in the hopes of avoiding awkward small talk. “When I met you that night, I noticed your accent was a bit varied, if you get what I mean, there was a hint of something in there that I couldn’t quite work out,”

He couldn’t stop the small chuckle that he let out at her comment. “I moved here when I was 18, lived in Los Angeles briefly before coming here, and before that I lived in Australia for years as it’s where I grew up,” He smiled as he talked about where he had been, “Left Sydney to try and find something new elsewhere, discovered that the New York Police Academy were taking applications, thought to give it a shot, and now all these years later, I’m here.”

Eloise noted the pride he seemed to carry when he talked about where he came from, talking about his journey from where he started to where he is now, elaborating throughout their discussion, talking about his family; his parents who still lived in Australia while his sister who lived in London for the past few years. His family seemed very well travelled, having been all over the world to visit one another and spend holidays together.

She noted to herself that she needed to ask more about his job – it was the whole reason why she was even here. Although she had to keep reminding herself of that every time she cracked smiled at him.

“Being a cop in New York must get pretty hectic. I can’t imagine the kind of things you see on a daily basis,” She spoke out, her hands cradling her beer as she tilted her head and watched while he listened, “This city is full of different kinds of people; killers, drug dealers, rapists, every imaginable kind of scum… this city is littered with them and we live amongst them while you guys risk your lives trying to catch them in order to protect the people who live here. It’s something to truly be admired.” She registered his nod as a response to her words, her sigh shallow as she took a breath and readied herself to ask another question, “What kind of investigations do you lead in your department anyway, if you don’t mind me asking? Do you guys specialise in certain areas or is it just whatever comes your way?”

Was she sounding too interested? Maybe. Did she care? No. She wanted to know what and who she was dealing with. She had a job to do, this was her way of gaining intel; information she could use to her advantage at a later date.

“A few different matters tend to come our way: homicides, narcotics, things like that. We’ve recently expanded the gang unit as well, that now comes through our precinct, so we keep track of what goes on behind the scenes of gangs like the White Wolves, the Calavera’s, the Ryders,” He listed off a few notorious names, watching as her eyes kept in line with his, “The unit specialises in taking down the groups of criminals in the city, and those three are only a selected few of who we’re chasing.”

Eloise’s heart hit rock bottom at his words, praying he didn’t notice her breath pick up as she tried to keep her composure, watching as he sighed and went to take a sip of his own beer that he had grabbed from the table. She knew they would be after the Gypsy Kings as well, silently thanking her lucky stars that he didn’t mention them. Yet.

But Calum knew she was relieved at the absence of her own gang’s name, having noticed as her body language had subtly changed as he talked about the purpose behind the hunt. Calum knew who she ran with and it surprised him that he wanted to tell her that he knew, but was it worth it? To sell himself out all because he thought she was pretty and thought she may actually like him? Was Calum enough of a mug to believe that a violent, pretty, young girl could be attracted to a law-abiding detective? Maybe.

“Why do you want to hunt them out so badly?” She asked, mentally slapping herself as soon as the words left her mouth, “Let me rephrase that, surely some are more dangerous than others, why not just go after the ones who cause physical harm to the innocent? If they aren’t hurting anyone, is it such a bad thing that they give themselves an odd name and call themselves tough?”

“It is when the Lieutenant’s obsessed with them,” He returned, “Especially Charlie, I mean, he’s got this fixation on capturing them all. He claims he wants to make New York a safer city but it’s getting out of hand, I think… I think he needs help, but no one has the guts to tell him he’s taking it too far. He wants revenge against the those who had wronged the city and it seems as though he’ll go to any length just to get what he wants.”

Eloise’s chest hitched at the acknowledgement of the police Lieutenant. His face being one that she couldn’t forget, one that brought back a sickening twist within her stomach as she recalled the times she had been graced with his presence in the past.

“I know someone like that,” She admitted, smiling sadly as she stared down at the bottle in her lap, “Someone who’s so hungry for control, for power, that something which starts of as a reasonable demand becomes such an unhealthy obsession. It causes them to blur the boundary lines of what’s reasonable and what’s flat-out wrong.”

Calum’s eyes noted how her eyes seemed to drift, wondering what she was thinking as she sat there on his couch. Her body tensed as she thought back the times years ago when she was dragged into the station, her wrists burning as they remembered the nipping sensation of the handcuffs, the tight grip of larger hands on her forearms as she was dragged and pushed into interrogation rooms. It felt as though someone had lit Eloise on fire, her chest igniting as the memories flowed through her body as if they were as fresh as yesterday.

The Australian’s eyes watched as her body worked at calming itself, sitting back and watching as he gave her a moment that she didn’t know she needed, his memory travelling back to earlier that day.

Calum sat at his desk, his curiosity getting the better of him as he urged to pull up her file on their system. He achingly denied that Nikki’s words had impacted him in some way, the word dangerous resonating in the back of his mind. But Calum knew better than to ignore the nagging voice in the back of his head when his curiosity spiked. He wanted to know just how dangerous she was claimed to be; to see if he should fear the girl who he was supposed to see later that night.

The office was quiet for a change, many of the officers being out on a call or already having taken their lunch break. His fingers worked on his keyboard, his teeth barely nipping at the inside of his lip as he searched through the database on his screen. His eyes briefly scanned the first new names that opened up, sighing as he filtered through the text, finding the file that he debated opening. The click of the mouse dimly echoed in his ears as another window opened on his screen, a picture of a young brunette making itself present alongside a detailed history. Calum couldn’t help but notice how young she looked in the mugshot on screen, her eyes dull and broken, her lip nursing a rather aggressive cut along it, her hair was shorter; the colour still as vibrant as he had been a witness to that morning.

The words in the file then caught his attention, the long list of recorded events blurring together as Calum sifted through them. He skimmed over the word ‘possession’, reading the briefing that detailed that a collection of evidence didn’t hold together at trial and she was released with a non-guilty verdict at 18. Another record was found detailing an altercation when she was 16 in a subway station, being arrested for brandishing a weapon, not many details on that arrest other than she was bailed out by her uncle due to her young age. He read the history of her troubled demeanour, noting her aggression during questioning as well as aggravation towards numerous officers.

The family link caught his attention next, his eyes scanning over the blue hyperlink that stood out on the white page. His hand trailed the mouse over the screen, opening the link before he could argue with himself. His brain kept repeating, ‘If you’re going on a date with a criminal, you should know what to expect’ when really what it wanted to say was something along the lines of ‘You’re crazy. You shouldn’t go’ but her beauty intrigued him, as did everything else about her.

What was so fascinating about a troubled girl? What did she have that made Calum want her?

He was greeted with two newly opened windows on his computer, both labelled as deceased files. He took an uneasy breath, rolling his lips inside of his mouth as he picked the one of the left side to investigate first. He couldn’t hold back the expression of grimace at the photograph of the body on the cold morgue slab, sighing as he quickly minimised it, being left with the detailed document that came with the file. He read over the name, a regrettable sigh of realisation leaving his nose as his eyes followed down, reading the notes containing the tragic story and medical history of the woman in the photograph and how she had met her end. Calum’s heart tugged with sorrow at the thought of a woman, so young, meeting a brutal ending like what he had read. His dark eyes read each word with haste, the detailed description of her injuries bringing images to Calum’s mind he couldn’t bear to picturise.  

Further down the page, he found details of when her body was examined by the medical examiners; stating that she suffered severe blunt force trauma to her head, as well as a bullet to the temple before she was abandoned and left to bleed out where she was found. His stomach erupted in nerves, his mind thinking of his own family and trying to think what he would do in that situation, but he couldn’t even begin to interpret what that would be like. His eyes caught sight of the final few words on the page of the open file, reading them with intent as he pieced together what was in front of him.

The body of Natalia Gray was discovered in the evening of September 17th in 2007 by her daughter, Eloise. The 11-year-old phoned the emergency services, explaining that her mother was hurt and needed help. She mentioned that there had been some shouting as unknown men came into her home, resulting her mother ushering her in a cupboard beneath the stairs in order to protect her. Natalia was DOA. Cause of death depicted as gunshot wound to the head, labelled as murder. Details of examination were handed over to Lieutenant White for pending investigation.

Examination: September 18th, 2007

Calum released a disappointed sigh, scanning over Charlie’s title a few times as he continued down the document, expecting to find further recordings of the investigation into the murder of this woman who he learnt to be Eloise’s mother, but what he found was nothing. The file ended abruptly and had remained unchanged since the input date back in 2007. Why wasn’t it investigated further? If her death was ruled as a murder, then why was there no case file attached? Calum couldn’t help but fear that his Lieutenant’s craze for the Gypsy Kings ran so deep that his blood had turned cold. His distaste clouding his morals as he discarded a murder investigation of a child’s mother, tossing it to the side as if it was an insignificant gum wrapper. He swallowed an apprehensive breath that had hitched in his throat, his eyes staying trained on the lit-up window in front of him as he made the decision to continue.

His fingers worked as he closed the file, removing it from his screen before his dark eyes met the remaining open window on his monitor, letting out a deep breath as he prepared himself to read what he could only imagine would hold the same amount of tragedy as the first file. The name was the first thing to be seen, the name of the notorious Thomas Gray welcoming his brown eyes, as two pictures appeared that were attached to the document; one being a mugshot while the other matched the one of the lady before: his cold face as he lay on the chilling metal table of the morgue. His eyes followed through the endless stream of words, skimming the graphic details of the inhuman acts he had committed throughout the years. Calum fought with the logical side of his brain that battled with the human side, trying to block it out as he attempted to read the file as if he were an outsider looking in on a damaged family, watching as a story unfolded before him.

He noted the numerous narcotics dealings the man had hijacked, the murders he had been associated with, and the endless list of robberies he had conducted across the city and also out of state. Calum had heard the stories of what he had done throughout his time with the Gypsy Kings, the stories circling the throughout every inch of the city, but Calum never expected to see it in writing. Did Eloise know about all of this? He didn’t understand why she was his first thought when it came to this. Maybe because it was her dad? Maybe there was another reason why his heart ached at the thought her suffering with this knowledge…

Calum acknowledged the few straggling officers walking around him, ignoring what he could only dread they would say if they were to see him pulling up old files that had no affiliations with the investigations that he was currently leading.

His eyes caught the closing statement of the examination, letting them draw to a close, his eyelashes brushing against his cheeks as he let out an almost broken sigh, his head hanging low as he broke contact with the screen midsentence. He couldn’t believe what he was reading. The words stung without him realising, his body somehow numb to the pain of his heart as he thought of the girl he barely knew. How could someone witness what she had seen at such a young age, on more than one occasion, and carry on? Calum couldn’t comprehend it.

But neither did Eloise, but Calum was yet to learn that.

He let his head rest in his hand as he continued to read the sentence from where his eyes had broken from, his gut twisting almost painfully as he pushed himself to come to the end of the string of brutal words.

Thomas Gray’s body was discovered in the living room of his own home on 4th April in 2011. He was found by his daughter, Eloise, when she returned from a shopping trip, but the emergency services were contacted by an older male who remained nameless. Thomas was found with a Glock 17 in his hand with the chamber empty, a hole found in the left side of his head that matches the bullets that belong the weapon. Gunshot residue was discovered on his hands and clothes, the impact of the shot coming from a short distance resulting in a quick death. Thomas was DOA. Cause of death depicted as suicide. Details of examination were handed over to Lieutenant White for pending investigation.

Examination: April 7th, 2011.

Again, the notes were passed to Lieutenant White once the examination was complete. And again, Calum found that the file ended abruptly; no further investigation notes and no case file attached. Both deaths seeming to have been brushed under a rug and forgotten. Something didn’t feel right, Calum could sense it. Even the examination date seemed to have something incredulous about it. His nimble fingers worked as he closed Thomas’s file, his brown eyes suddenly meeting Eloise’s younger ones as he was graced with her picture yet again. He must’ve forgotten to close her lead.

Nikki’s warning of Eloise replayed yet again, almost as if now it made some sort of sense. Of course, she was dangerous, she was a grieving young woman who had to grow up without her parents. A young woman who had forgone a great tribulation, one that Calum could only imagine that burdened her with great pain and suffering.

Calum couldn’t help but wonder if she spoke to people. If she spoke to someone about the deaths of her parents or if she even acknowledged them?

Who was he kidding, of course she acknowledged them, you fool!

Eloise thought about them every day, he had no idea of the pain that she suffered for years, it only growing more intense as each year passed. And Calum couldn’t help but to, deep down, have the inkling, the desire to be the one to heal her.

For a man who hadn’t even learnt where in New York the girl called home, he couldn’t stop his heart from wishing to be the home that she searched for.

He couldn’t tear his eyes from her lips as they pressed against the lip of the bottle, her head craning back, giving him a full view of the expenditure of her neck, the faded bruises from their night together still fresh in his mind as he thought of the areas they covered, reimaging the process of painting her skin once more. “What’re you staring at, hm?” She smirked, her eyes sparkling beneath the yellow-toned overhead light.

It was as if something took over him, something took control as he let himself submit to the urge that was burning inside him. Calum’s eyes seem to darken with hunger as he watched her lips move, every syllable announced with perfection, the teasing tone of her voice rippling through him as she looked at him. It was enough to throw him off his game, and boy did it.

“An unhealthy obsession.” He spoke softly, their gazes settling on one another for slightly longer this time, her eyes catching his lips briefly as the tip of his tongue poked out the lick along the bottom bit of flesh. She tried to swallow the growing lump in her throat as casually as possible, praying she somehow didn’t grab any more of his attention as she felt the heat down her back begin to rise as his eyes burned into her own.

Calum couldn’t stop himself, his body and voice moving too fast that his brain couldn’t keep up. He hadn’t felt an urge this strong before, as if something were pulling him towards her, the pull so strong that it was impenetrable. The cliché of ‘it’s so wrong it’s so right’ was rather fitting for the attraction but it was so much more than that. Calum felt the pull to her like a magnet, like a duck to water, it felt so natural to him and he didn’t understand why.

“It’s not good for you, y’know,” She whispered, her voice surprising her as it held up, unable to fight the flutter in her chest as he moved towards her, his hand prying the green bottle from her fingers as he returned it to the coaster on the coffee table, his own bottle being placed next to it, meanwhile his eyes never losing their gaze with her dark ones. “It can destroy you and everything you love if you let it. So, are you really willing to dance with the devil just to get a taste of what you want?”

“I’ll dance through hell a thousand times over if it means I can kiss you right now.”

Their faces were mere inches from each other, their warm breaths mixing together as they froze in place, the tension between them in the room clouding both their judgment. The plan was working perfectly for Eloise but her mind didn’t even cross it, her constant reminders of it being strictly business were nowhere to be heard as her eyes searched his, finding the dark abyss within them and it becoming somewhere she desperately wanted to explore.

Something inside of both of them screamed at them to stop but they couldn’t hear it over the sound of their hearts thrashing in their ears, the world around them seeming as if it was non-existent; all that breathed around them were their bodies as they slowly closed the distance between them. It felt as if her breath was stolen as his lips connected with her pink flesh, Eloise’s heart almost crashing to a halt as his hands cupped her delicate face as he kissed her.

It wasn’t like their first kiss together in the back of the taxi, instead it being much like the kisses they shared when they had laid in bed and held one another, their brains on a gentle buzz from the alcohol they had drank at the club, but even then, this time it was better.

Her hands found the collar of his shirt, unsure of what to do with the limbs, unsure of where to place them. Why did this feel so wrong but so right? Why did Eloise’s head scream for her to pull away, but her heart told her to keep going?

Han’s voice screamed in her ears as Calum continued his gentle assault on her lips. She tried to block it out, playing it off as telling herself that it was part of the plan, that it was the scheme they had arranged. So, why did her heart hurt every time she said it? Why did a piece of guilt eat at her as if she were lying to herself every time their lips connected in a beautiful kiss?

Could Eloise- No of course not… Eloise was loyal to the Gypsy Kings, having devoted her life to their cause – although she didn’t know what that really was. She dedicated every day to making sure the gang moved forward, that their legacy continued to grow. She wasn’t about to let a crush get in the way of that, or was she? Why did the voice in her head scream at her to tell him the truth already, as if she had just placed a dangerous bet down at the roulette table in Las Vegas? Why was she listening? Surely, she couldn’t betray those who kept a roof over her head, she couldn’t rat them out to the police after not even a day of this plan being put into action.

For the amount of times Eloise was told to get out of her head, she certainly basked in it too often.

She let a soft moan slip as she felt his fingers slide with ease into her hair at the back of her head, a gentle sting resonating in the back of her skull as he tugged at it without realising. She couldn’t help the excited shudder than rippled through her as one of his hands found her thigh, the smooth touch gliding up the material of her jeans as it found her waist, the nimble fingers of the handsome Australian slipping beneath the oversized sweatshirt, his warm touch meeting her hot skin in an enticing dance. Eloise couldn’t ignore how her heart rattled within the imprisonment of her chest, the feeling reminding her of how a hammer repeatedly bangs against a nail, the force almost painful against her ribcage.

The feeling excited her but also petrified her; an estranged hum in her stomach at the sensation he created. Eloise allowed herself to get lost in the kiss, Calum’s hands only grasping her waist as he lifted her with ease, settling her in his lap, never allowing a moment for their lips to detach as she pressed herself against him. Their fronts connected as Eloise straddled the handsome detective, her mind blurring as for a moment she forgot where she was and why she was doing this in the first place, allowing herself to become lost in the world of Calum, travelling down an unknown path on an uncharted adventure with no way of knowing how she was supposed to go back. And she didn’t entirely mind.

---

Tag List: @steviemae​

[celosiaa]

Hi! I am back once again, and I was wondering if you had any advice for new writers? You and Taylortut are my icons for sickfics and writing!! I’ve posted a few fics, and was wondering if you had any advice on how to get people to notice them and such?

Oh hi!!! This is the sweetest thing ever!! I am extremely flattered to be asked about writing tips,,, that is so surreal to me since I have only just returned to fic writing for the first time since middle school :,)  thank you so much! I also didn’t know you were writing fics--that’s really exciting, and I’d love to read them!  Here’s a couple things I have figured out along the way—I hope it’ll be at least a little bit helpful. And @taylortut please feel free to add on as well!

Think about what you are trying to say, and write it down.  This might be a little specific to the way I write, but I always want to keep a focus on what my larger ideas are in the fic—whether it’s just sort of a fluffy sickfic, in which case the sticking point is the comfort, or if it’s a more angsty, in-depth character study.  In the case that it’s a longer fic, I try to think more in the abstract.  I’ll usually write down something along the lines of “Focus: learning to care for someone how they need to be cared for after a traumatic experience” or “Focus: accepting the love and care of other people when you feel like you don’t deserve it.”  I think if you start with your goal in mind, it will carry your writing forward in such a way that the reader can feel you building up to it.

Outline.  Again, this is just something I find helpful.  In addition to the above tip, I like to start with laying out the order of scenes I want to have in the fic/chapter.  After that, I fill in, adding bits of dialogue or description I really want to put in, or any specific details that I want to add.  I usually spend an hour or two on this, coming back to it several times to give my brain awhile to mull things over.

Think about the personalities, motivations, and backgrounds of your main characters.  For example, I always write Martin as trans, and I usually have some bit of this filtering into the language or description I use in the fic.  I think this adds a nice amount of detail to help your readers connect with your characters.  It doesn’t have to be anything big!  For example, when I write Martin as trans, I will usually let it filter through in either a mention of binding, some discussion of dysphoria, or a mention of taking T.  If you are writing a character with identities that you do not hold yourself, it’s important to do some research! @writingwithcolor is an extremely helpful resource, and I HIGHLY recommend checking them out.

Think about tone.  This can depend heavily on your subject matter.  I like to set tones through writing the from one POV and explicitly writing that person’s inner thoughts as part of the fic.  The content of their thoughts can often determine whether it’s a sadder fic, an angst fic, or a fluffy fic.  And you don’t have to use this style in order to do that!  You can indicate the motivations of the characters by describing their physical actions or expressions as well. It’s all up to you and your style preferences!

Specific to sickfics, do some research on the illness you are trying to represent.  Some things you may know better than others, such as cold symptoms, but it honestly never hurts to look it up again!  You might find yourself intrigued by a symptom that you hadn’t thought about, or a complication that might make for a great second chapter.  If you’re not as familiar with what you’re writing about, I would recommend reaching out to others about their experiences.  I did this before writing fics about migraines, because I have no personal experience with them, and so many wonderful folks were more than willing to share what migraines are like for them.  This REALLY influenced and strengthened my writing!  Also think about how each symptom you want to portray will impact the character, as well as their own responses to being symptomatic.  Are they embarrassed?  Whiny?  Weepy?  It’s all up to you!

Take your time.  This might be because I’m a bit of a perfectionist, but I will spend time rereading and editing everything I write to make sure the dialogue sounds natural, I don’t use the same descriptor words within too close a proximity to each other, I didn’t accidentally change POV, etc.  For dialogue editing, I really try to hear the voices of the characters in my head as saying the words I wrote, and if it doesn’t sound right, I take it out or change it!  Also, I would try to change up the order and length of your sentences--it will make it sound more flowy and less choppy. :)

As far as getting others to read your works, I would spend a while making sure you write a catchy summary!  That has been helpful to me for sure.  I would also reply to the comments you receive, as this will tend to keep people coming back since they know you appreciate their readership.  I would link things that you write on ao3 back to your Tumblr, so people can come talk to you more informally, get to know you, and send you prompts. 

From a logistics standpoint, I usually reblog my own works at least once at a different time of the day, so I’ll catch more readership.  Additionally, be careful of the tagging system here--the first five tags that you used is what is indexed on Tumblr as a whole.  The first 50 tags will be indexed on your blog.  So put your most important tags first, because then your post will show up to people who search for those tags!  Also, external links on tumblr are ~wack~.  Tumblr eats things with external links to ao3.  That’s why I will post the entire text on Tumblr separately from my work on ao3.

Lastly, I would look for ways to connect with other writers.  Like you’ve just done here!  Pick up a prompt from them, write a collaborative fic with them, or send them a prompt to write!  It’s a great way to make friends, get inspired by other works, and share the fic-writing love <3

Wow this was so long!! I got a little carried away lol.  I hope you find this a little bit helpful, and good luck with your writing!!!

[pcygoldenchild]

Behind the Lens

📷summary: A crush on a boy who you only get to really admire behind a screen. His cute and funny vlogs letting you see more of him than what you do at work. He calls himself a vlogger. You’d call him captivating.

📷genre: fluff//vlogger!byun//alternate reality//

You arrive to work on time like you always did. The quiet café just coming to life when you arrive. It’s still very early in the morning. The sky a mosaic of orange and dark clouds. The air a little thick and the streets still wet from the rain. You liked being up this early. You weren’t a morning person, but being up to watch the rest of the world slowly come to speed was therapeutic. You opened the café every other day. It was something you personally requested and your coworker thought you were insane but willingly gave you some of her mornings.

It was something about the smell of the first batch of coffee or the way the fresh pastries brightened up the shelves. It was quiet and all put together before the morning rush. The place neatly cleaned and chairs pushed in properly before the fault of human error. The warm light and fall weather making the dark wood floor reflect an amber shade throughout the place. It was calming.

But as usual time moves fast when you want nothing but more time. Your coworker coming in an hour later just before the hoard of business men and women come to get their daily dose of caffeine. Another worker coming in and making it feel like an actual business. The routine orders of 5 coffees to the new intern who is always fumbling with the crumpled piece of paper he scribbled the office orders on. The egg and sausage sandwich to the old gentlemen who sits by the window and reads the paper until half past 12, when he leaves to do whatever the world takes him. The stranglers who show up late to class because an iced americano is way more important than an 8am lecture about cell division. It was a routine but it was your routine. The faces you’d see all the time a warm welcome and maybe a friendly story of how their day went after you saw them last.

All that was just usual to you. An opening to your morning in the slow city and fast paced lives of those who inhabit it.

Around your lunch break is when your day gets to be something you never have a set routine for. Sure, you’d eat lunch and read your book or scroll mindlessly on your phone for too long. But there was always the chance that something could happen but you never know when. The chance that the cute barista would say more than a few words in the break room. Or maybe you’d say something to him that consisted more than a ‘busy day right?’

He worked the same hours you did, closing on days you opened. He started the same time you did too as the new recruits for the location. But working together for 5 months didn’t mean you’d know anything about him. He was quiet and to his work. But he wasn’t rude or snobby. He was just to himself. You understood his mannerisms being an introvert yourself. The friendly smiles and quick laughs if you’d bump into each other behind the busy counter. You knew his name. Byun Baekhyun. He told you it with a bright smile your first day as an attempt to make friends. But that was really the only time he’s said anything to anyone.

But you knew more to him. You knew what he was like outside of work. The funny boy who did any and everything he wanted. He was boisterous and creative. A real character to love with his smiles and jokes. He was the same shy boy but when he was out of work it was different. Just him and his camera.

He was a vlogger with his own youtube channel. You found it randomly when watching one of your friends makeup videos. A video about ‘working out/diet/hello’ was a suggestion. You wouldn’t have watched it if his face wasn’t in the thumbnail. It was a shock to you. Unbeknownst, you watched him be himself with the comfort of talking to a camera. His personality showing with every head tilt or silly dance. His channel was pretty popular. 200,000 subscribers with you included.

You watched all his videos. It was routine for you to come home and see the notification on your laptop of a new video from him every week. The short vlogs filled with him and his adventures. One of him working out which you couldn’t help but watch multiple times because it was just that cute. Another one of him hanging with his friends out in the city at a small restaurant where his laughs and silly faces made you smile unintentionally. Or the one where he went to his parents house and played with his adorable corgi. It was a goldmine of content and still so him. So calm and therapeutic to watch and enjoy.

It was time for your lunch break. You looked around but didn’t see Baekhyun so you figured he was already in the break room like he always was before you. You wanted to say something today. You did your hair all nice in the chance that you’d say something that would make him do more than a 2 second shy glance your way.

You walked into the break room and saw him sitting at the table. His laptop in front of him as he focused on whatever he was doing. You went to the fridge and grabbed two yogurts and granola. It’s a routine too to bring him something to eat since he never really does eat on breaks if you wouldn’t remind him to. He’d be too focused on his laptop from beginning to end. But even then a simple thank you and you’re welcome was all you two would exchange. The simple appreciation present in how he’d smile everytime.

You sat down across from him sitting the yougurt and granola down in the center of the table. His eyes peeking up at you from behind the screen.

“Hey.” you said short and simple taking the yogurt and avoiding the eye contact you two were too shy to share.

“Hi.” he said back looking over his laptop to see his yogurt, granola and spoon waiting for him. He pushed the laptop to the side a bit to grab your offering and whispered a ‘thank you’. The comfort of sitting and eating with each other was strange given you two were almost considered strangers.

“So what do you do on that?” you said suddenly nodding to his laptop. But you knew exactly what he would spend his entire break and anytime after that on.

“I edit videos.” he said after a while of looking between the laptop and his yogurt. His response short but laced with a bit of uncertainty. You never told him you knew he had a channel or that you watched.

“What kind of videos?” you ask. The frail attempt to start a conversation for the first time in 5 months. Frail since you knew so much about him already but not from him in person, rather from behind a lens.

“Youtube videos.” he responded. His eyes traveling everywhere but only on you for a second before venturing somewhere else. You wanted to just accept this as an attempt. It seemed painful to him. It was painful to you. This was socially not something you did. You didn’t do anything socially to be honest.

“Cool.” you said back. You continued eating your yogurt and so did he. The scraping of the plastic spoons against the small bowls and the crunch of the granola being the only tangible thing in the room. After a while you wanted to just disappear. It was awkward and you didn’t want that. You felt like you were holding your breath staring directly into your bowl and never leaving there. The creamy concoction looking less appealing as you continued to eat.

“Ever heard of it?” Baekhyun says. You thought for a second he was on the phone or something. But when you peeked up at him he was staring directly at you.

“Heard of what?” you say slowly. You didn’t know why saying that was so hard. It was a simple and reasonable reponse. But you weren’t sure what was happening.

“My channel.” he said with a small smile that appeared and disappeared. You swallowed the yogurt and granola you didn’t finish chewing at the question. Yea you’ve heard of it. You watched it everyday; watching videos over again because the need to watch something was addictive.

“No.” you lie. You say it short and with a small shake of your head before staring at your ugly yougurt. Only now it’s ugly from the lie you have tainted it with.

“Oh.” he said. His reply hurt your heart a bit. It was so short and sounded like a kid who just didn’t get the toy they wanted.

“Well, I probably would. But I don’t watch much youtube. I mostly read and draw.” you say in an effort to keep the conversation going but moreso to let him know that you’re interested. The sentences were fast and you sat up a bit straighter. A sign you were lying about something but he didn’t know your mannerisms.

“That’s cool. It’s not for everyone.” he said smiling and shrugging.

‘No, Baekhyun but it’s for me’

“Well I’d like to check it out if it’s not too awkward.” you say looking at his bowl. His fingers wrapped around the plastic lightly tapping.

“Why would it be awkward?” he asked.

‘I don’t know. Maybe because I’ve seen all your videos already a million times and can’t help but smile.’

“I don’t know. Maybe showing me your youtube channel would make me see you differently.” you say but it was somewhat not what you meant. Of course you’d see him differently. But it sounded negative. Almost like you’d see him as someone he’s not.

“Well you might but I don’t think you’d hate me or anything. It’s just me outside of work.” he said shrugging and pushing his bowl aside. He grabbed his laptop and tapped some keys fast. The next minute he’s turning the laptop to face you and the home page of his channel greets you. The ever so familiar maroon layout with his adorable picture as his icon. The list of videos you’ve all seen with a video that’s privated. A new video must be ready. You involuntarily smile.

“What?” he asks rather incredulously. Your smile falls instantly as you look at his unsure gaze go from the screen to your face. Unsure of what to do, you just shake your head a little.

“Nothing. It’s just cute.” you say and instantly regret it. The smile that falls on his face at your comment makes him sit up straight and jerk his head to the side.

“Cute.” he says. Your face is as hot as the pastries in the oven. You didn’t mean to say it was cute but there was no other word to say. Familiar. Nothing new. Those would work if you told the truth.

“Yea...I’ll check it out when I get home.” you say getting up from the table grabbing both of your bowls. He nods in affirmation with his lips set in straight line to hide his boyish grin. His boyish grin at you.

“I recommend the vlog where I visit my family and my dog. Everyone thinks it’s the ‘cutest’.” he says turning his laptop back around.

‘It is the cutest.’

“Will do.” you say walking away to trash your bowls and rush back to work 20 minutes before your break is over.

“Text me what you think, yea?” he called to you. You looked back at him staring at you with a small smile and raised eyebrows. This was as much as you’d gotten with him. More than 5 months worth of working with him. And now he wanted talk to you more.

“Yea, definitely.” you smile back.

[fuzziekins]

i usually don’t post about my own work because i never think much of it. Even now i feel conflicted about sharing this because i have my own personal and intrusive feelings involving this story. But part of me feels like it should still be shared on some level because it’s not just about working as a cashier, but working as a cashier in the middle of a pandemic. Even though the characters are fictional, the retail stories they go through are very real, directly taken from the ones i have experienced as a cashier. If anyone else does read this, if there’s remotely anyone can possibly take away from this story at any point at all with it, it’s to just please think. Think before you snap at a retail worker. Think before you cause a scene. Think before you do something, like leaving a yogurt by the potato chips. Think before you complain or ask about every little thing. We see and deal with a lot of crap on the job all while dealing with our own crap. It’s hard and sometimes it can be downright abusive. But we try. We do our jobs. And it’s a lot. So please try with us, too. [More under the cut, but it’s primarily personal and also A LOT.]

Frozen 2 has absolutely been the thing helping me through this pandemic. When my store closed early for limited hours i’d be playing the soundtrack on Spotify. Before eventually falling asleep after shifts ending at midnight i’d always listen to a Frozen song on my iPod because after crazy shifts, crazier than usual retail stories, and a hell of a lot of food to either put back on the shelves or discard completely, Frozen helped put me in a slightly better mood before falling asleep. In a time of so much confusion and fear and uncertainty, it’s difficult to find the positivity in everything. Even though i do try to go into work and leave my problems at the door, the Frozen franchise was definitely a light for me. It helped to imagine some of the characters - even other Disney characters like i included in the story - go through similar things i was and wonder how they would handle everything. It started with just a thought: would Elsa sing if she was working this job, too? Would anyone actually hear her? And cue the slow burn between Elsa and Honeymaren. But it’s more than just that.

i am so fortunate to have a great relationship with a lot of my coworkers. We get along; we ask each other how we’re doing; we make conversation when it’s slow; we talk about our lives. It helped me to just be able to go through this with these people. It helped that, yeah i was still getting out even during quarantine and seeing these same people WAY more than usual (and it was already a lot!), but for us to just all have this understanding of each other and for us to be able to support each other. And that was something i wanted to focus on here. A positive working relationship between Elsa, Maren, Nani, Snow (White), and (Cinder)Ella. These very different people being thrown together a hell of a lot more than usual and spending more time together and in their store than with their own families in their own homes. Yeah, they can get on each others’ nerves sometimes. They can drive each other crazy. But they’re ultimately there for and support each other. And i know every job, retail or not, can’t be like that. But sometimes we do spend so much time at work that it not only becomes home but the people we work with become a family. (Although a very dysfunctional one!) That’s something that’s been essential to me as an essential worker and a small piece of the inspiration behind the story.

To have been writing this throughout the pandemic, drawing from my own experiences and stories as a cashier, seeing peoples’ reactions and to have been given the encouragement and support by them has just been mind blowing. i say that i started this as a joke, because i deal with so many unbelievable stories on a daily basis at work that i should really write a retail story. And...this is it. For people to have told me that this helped them with something in the store (chip malfunctions at the pin pad, anyone?) or to see how horrible some customers can actually be, to just read peoples’ reactions at the cruelty of others, while others to their customer service jobs of the past and bringing back memories for them? i did not expect the support, comfort, or acceptance that i received from this. And i did not expect people to just so readily accept the story as a legit Frozen fanfiction.

What blew my mind even more, in the best possible way, was the reaction to how i wrote Elsa. [Minor spoiler here, but not really because it is a tag.] i know this is not the first story to write her as asexual. i know it won’t be the last. And how many of us read Elsa as a queer icon in general? Writing Elsa’s coming out scene to one of her coworkers as an asexual lesbian was directly inspired by an instance where i came out as asexual to one of my coworkers. It was one of the first chapters i wrote long before i knew anything about this story; where it was going to go; how exactly i would write it; or anything that would happen. i just knew that if i was going to write a retail story, that specific story had to be a part of it. To read the reactions of other a-specs reading this and see how seen and represented and validated they feel, to know that while Elsa’s journey may not exactly be theirs nor is it my own there’s still so much relatability, to have the reminder that as many times as i feel like i’m the only ace person i know (even though that was not totally true and it’s absolutely not true now) there are other people out there and that a lot of the things i touched on in the narrative hit so close to home for them.... It’s just been an honor. And that’s something that, when i question what the hell i’m doing or my capabilities as a writer/creative person, i try to think about that. And remind myself that this was something i was able to do and it means so much to the a-specs who read it. And it was something that made me feel apart of something really special; not just the queer community, but also the Frozen fandom.

i have a lot of conflicted feelings with finally finishing this story. And i think a lot of them are because as i finished writing this while also going through multiple edits and rewrites, i was dealing with things in my personal life that took my head out of the story. And while dealing with the craziness at work as usual around Thanksgiving that was only heightened by the still-confusion and uncertainty of the pandemic, though it should have given me so much more material to one day work with, it really just drained me. And part of me still doesn’t feel like i even wrote something worthwhile, let alone something good. i deal with self-confidence issues and intrusive thoughts along with semi-newly-discovered anxiety; and those have no doubt played a part in my own comments on the story as well as some extra self-projection (as if there wasn’t enough of that between the job, the customer stories, and the chocolate addiction but that’s besides the point). But i’m still trying to remind myself of the good that has come from this story. And i want the good of what everyone else has seen in this to far overpower whatever i think about it. As much as a major takeaway i’d like for the story to be to have a better understanding of retail workers, what we’re going through at work and potentially in our lives, and to just think, there are two other things i’d like to stay with people. •In regards to, yes, primarily a-specs, but also to the queer community in general, there is nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken. It takes a lot of time, patience, and understanding to accept yourself. And that’s ok. You will find the label(s) and meanings that work for you. Everyone relates to their orientation differently; but there’s no wrong way. Sometimes it’s hella hard to accept that part of you, regardless of what it is. Unfortunately, yes, there will be people that don’t believe you. But there are also people around you who will accept and love you exactly for who you are. They do it with Elsa in this story; people in real life can do it, too. It just takes a while to find them. You mean something to people and you are absolutely worth it. •One of the best things about creating anything is to take people away. To distract them from the real world for a while. To make them forget about their problems. To make them feel something. To see things through another’s eyes. To experience something. To give them something to enjoy. For all the craziness that i may call my story, it’s still something that’s brought people so much joy. To give them that happiness, to make them feel, to take them away to another world (even if it’s just a fictional modern AU with a couple of useless lesbians/bis/queers). That’s what i want this story to do. That’s what, selfishly, i’d want anything i could ever create to do. No matter what i think, it’s the people who enjoy it that matter. And they are absolutely the motivation behind all of this.

This story has been my outlet through this entire mess of the world. It’s been my outlet, a soapboax, and an escape. Because seeing Frozen 2 just before the pandemic hit, becoming so lost in it, loving so much about the story and the characters and the world, gave me more inspiration to be creative when it’s something i’ve personally struggled on and off with for the past five years. Being immersed in the world of the Frozen franchise is the closest i’ve felt to being happy in years. And i’m so thankful to Disney and the creators of Frozen, Jennifer Lee and Chris Buck, for giving us so much to work with. From the world itself to the relatable characters in Elsa and Anna to the friendships they created to just the pure inspiration that comes from them. And how they can make so many people from so far away feel so close together. And i’m more than grateful to everyone who’s read this story from the beginning, who saw something in it - who saw something in me - and have been the motivation to keep going with it. It’s been absolutely incredible to write for everyone and i hope i get to write more. Please consider this my way of saying thank you to everyone and know how much all of this has meant to me. And thank you so, so much for reading.

[deannastrois]

to the end of the decade

I started this decade out…not great. And straight. I’m ending this decade maybe not perfect but accepting that I need to get better and working on it through therapy and drugs. And bi. So I’d say that’s at least something of a step up despite that I’ve had bad depressive episodes this year alone.

I also started this decade being a shadow in fandom, a lurker with nothing to say and not making friends. I’m ending it on a completely different note having actually begun creating and writing and having people on this site I’m more grateful for than anything. (and I’ll put my thanks to specific people under the cut cause I am nothing is not a weak, soft bitch at heart)

To all mutuals, thank you really for sticking around. I know I’m not the easiest to get along with and I hope to talk to some of you more at some point. I’m just so bad at it but <33333

@lembeau, I know things have been weird this year and that’s on me but at the end of the day you are always my forever girl and original otp. I don’t know how I would have gotten through some of the years without you, you’ve been my (salt)rock and best friend and everything in between. I hope things go well for you in the coming decade and know that I’ll always have your back and be immensely proud of what you’ve accomplished. I love you more than Eliza loves Goliath and in every universe the Middleman could ever give us.

@xsarahx, you were the very first person I started talking to and befriended on this site, even pre-musketeers days which is more of a throwback. We’ve come a long way from the Andrew Lee Potter days and I am always glad to talk to you about anything, including, of course, how comics have fucked up so badly these days. I’m with you till the end of the line, babe.

@sidewaystime, okay this one time I’m not gonna go with the red vs blue joke with your name I promise. Even if in my head I definitely am. Thank you for standing by all these years and I disastered my way through a career in computers, I’ll always appreciate someone knowing my absolute pain when it comes to users. Beyond that you’ve always got the best ideas for fandom aus and I love to hear them, especially if they’re old 90s fandoms. (and Canadian)

@sweetlyfez, remember back in the day when I was figuring out I was bi and it was all Constance’s fault? Well thank you for standing beside me as I figured that all out. And then laughing about it later because okay let’s be real, it is amusing in hindsight. You encouraged (and sometimes goaded) me on to writing femslash and I’ll never forget that.

@fonapola, we’ve come a long way from the musketeer-ing days. Who’d have thought our love our rare pairs would take us here but I’m glad we got there. Thank you for always letting me ramble on about those ideas and your own amazing ideas and fics and vids and everything when it came to that. You let a small thing grow large and kept the excitement going. Maybe one day we really will write our own thing together and have a shared world of sci fi and magic and someone clearly ready to be played by Howard Charles…Here’s hoping there’s more games I can drag you into it because I cannot wait.

@biportamis, oh Hannah I’d say I’m sorry for the million and one spams this year but that’s a lie and I’m not and if you’re gonna make me have musketeers feelings in 2019 then I’m gonna make you cry over Hawke. It’s equality. Jokes aside though I’m glad we always have those and holy shit you wrote a book!! Remember that?? That’s wild and I’m so proud of you for it, I can’t wait to see what you do this next decade.

@vulpyx, I am eternally grateful we got to talking and sharing fandom things, you’ve always been fun to talk to and I look forward to every pokemon game so we can make jokes about it and just be excited over it. And books! We need more good books, I hope that next Kyoshi one is gonna be good. I’m also really thankful that you’ve understood my anxiety and I wish I could help you with your own but know that I’m always here if you want to talk or need a distraction. <3

@waverly-earp, we have been through a lot of fandom madness together. Starting with AoS way back in the day and it just kept going. You’ve been a wonder through it all and an inspiration to make better gifs that look half as good as your beautiful edits. I love everything you create and wish this site wasn’t so terribly broken that it missed out on a good chunk of that stuff, but I hope you don’t stop because they always look so good. See you in the next decade with probably a dozen other fandom things to complain about (sorry not sorry)

@amandatapping, wild how quickly we bonded when it came to star trek but I’ll never regret that, the crazy things and injokes we ended up coming up with still make me laugh and you are the only person (aside from those femslash events) I’ll make ENT gifs for. Sorry I don’t love it like you do but I’m always willing to hear about how much you love it because it’s important to you and you’re important to me. #legged, baby!

@girlonthelasttrain, has it really only been two years since we started talking because it feels like we’ve been sharing memes forever. I’d say I’m sorry for spamming you with them but let’s be real, I’m not and it’s what Tidus would want. Truly a millennial icon. But really thank you so much for being around these past few years, I appreciate it every time you let me go on about my latest worries and panics and hyperfixations. I hope we get to share even more terrible memes over the next decade and I love you more than 13x7.

@alluringcliche, it’s been a while since the AoS days which really feels like it was already a decade ago but regardless I’m glad those days made us friends. Thank you for supporting me when I needed it and being there, I hope I could do the same when you needed it. I’m always down to talk about whedon shows even if joss has disappointed us terribly and this is our city now. All the best for the new year/decade and I hope to keep up more.

@dragoncharming, I was gonna call you my fandom backup but then that doesn’t feel like the right term but I also can’t think of the term to use when you’re always the person I count on to know if I’d love/hate something. You’re my guiding star for fandom, knowing where to steer me and what to steer me away from and I love you for it. I hope we get to play dnd together soon because that would be so exciting and thank you for everything.

@boydetective, oof I need to get better at texting more because I feel like I fell off the map this year and I’m sorry. I love getting to talk to you about small fandom-y things and sharing the wildness of KH and BNHA (aaaand I need to catch up again) and thank you for just rolling with it as I appear and disappear and I’m sorry about that. I’ll try to do better next decade.

@vulpixelates, thank you so much for letting me join a dnd group, it’s been a lot of fun and I am looking forward to meeting more of your characters in one shots and later on. And thanks for letting me ramble on about a million things and have Bi Panic about fifty times a year because that’s very real and I am very bad with it.

@adhd-athena, you know how next decade is starting with the KH DLC and it’s like…finally…some answers…. Well I bet we spend the next decade with just more questions and by the end of it we’ll finally have KH4. And even more questions. Regardless I’m looking forward to speculating all about that and DSC and other things with you, sorry for all the spams about those in advance I’m sure. Thank you for always listening <3

@malarkiness, I’m tempted to stick a picture of troi in here because that’s usually what I send to you and I have no regrets. Okay that’s a lie, I send you other things and I’m grateful I can always send you the most random things or rambling things and you just roll with it and amazingly haven’t blocked me yet. I hope we get to talk more about KH and FF and holy shit the remake is so close but it’s only like ¼ of it and Nomura what are you doing. (no one knows, not even him) All my love for you and the next decade of SquareEnix confusion.

@twilightacespect, it’s funny to think that I didn’t know you on this site until only about three years ago because it feels like we’ve always had this friendship. And by this friendship I mean you sending me cowboy things and me being haunted by them. Thanks beks. Okay okay, I love you a lot despite the cowboys. We’ve shared a lot of stuff and you’ve let me go on about a lot of fandom things and I’m sorry for the million and one spams over it when I hyperfixate on something we share. Except I’m not and suffer with me.

@organasoloskywalker, this year has been hard and I’ve said it a dozen times before but I wish I could be there with you. I’m always here for you though and I love you so much. Thanks for always being around to watch things with me and dragging into PGSM hell (“it’s a musical, you like those!” LIES LEXI, IT WAS PAIN) and a dozen other things. I hope we get to see each other sometime in the future and do a TAZ show or something but I’ll always be the voice on the other end of the line texting you pictures of my cat and loving Wedge Antilles. (and you) Also you know see you tonight for Fantasy High watching. <3

[ifishouldvanish]

Editing tips, I guess?

Hey uhhhhh, so I've gotten lots of new followers over the past few weeks and wanted to do some kind of thank you?? Also, I have seen a fair share of "omg HOW" in the tags on my edits (which??? always make my day?? my week??? my life????)

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of my ~techniques with y'all? So here goes:

(lmao this got really fuckin long so cuuuuuut)

1. Make EVERYTHING a Smart Object

Okay, maybe not EVERYTHING, but seriously. Do it. It will save ur editing life. You ever shrink something down and then an hour later change your mind and decide you want it bigger? If you're not using a smart object, it’ll get blurry when you scale it back up and you’ll be fuCKED!

To make a layer/group a smart object, just right click on it in the layers panel and select "convert to smart object". This makes Photoshop store the layer's original data in a separate space for safe keeping (an embedded .psb file, to be exact) -- so you can shrink it and enlarge it as many times as you want without any lossiness.

As soon as I paste/place a screencap, texture, or whatever into my document, the first thing I always, ALWAYS do is convert it to a smart object!!

Why, you might ask?? Continue to item No.2 :)))

2. Harness the POWER of Smart Objects!!

The reason I am obsessed with Smart Objects is because I am obsessed with making any edits as non-destructive as possible. If you use “Image > Adjustments > Levels/Selective Color/etc” on a regular layer, that’s a destructive edit. Same goes for any Filters (such as blur/sharpen) and transforms (Warp, distort, perspective). You lose the original data that was there and the only way it can be undone is with ctrl+z. Might not seem like a huge deal at first, but if you keep chugging along for an hour and decide, “hmm, maybe i went too hard on that levels adjustment after all...” your only options are deleting the layer and starting over, or uh... hoping it’s still in your history panel.

However, it's really easy to avoid destructive edits when you use smart objects!! Because all those adjustments, filters, and transforms become “Smart Filters”. Smart Filters have all the non-destructive advantages of performing these adjustments via adjustment layers, but have the added bonus of ONLY effecting the layer they’ve been applied to, instead of cascading down and effecting all the layers beneath. (Which can be a good thing sometimes, but that’s a whole other topic)

Smart filters are attached to their ‘parent layers’, and can be hidden, deleted, or modified (by double-clicking their names) at any time:

Can I hear a wahoo???

Other cool things about Smart Objects:

You can copy a Smart Filter with all its settings to another layer by alt+click+dragging it over

You can change the order in which Smart Filters are applied by clicking and dragging them around

You can edit a smart object independently/in a sort of 'isolated' mode by double-clicking on its thumbnail!! I like to use this for edits that are specific to a given screencap-- like cutting out the background and any initial adjustments, like levels and selective coloring. Once you’re done editing the contents of the smart object, hit ctrl+s and it will automatically update in the main document!

But really, the biggest thing for me here is psychological. I know I’m much more willing to try things and experiment when I know that I can easily go back and tweaks things at any time. Otherwise, I’d stick with adjustments I don’t really like all that much simply because it would take too much time/effort to redo them.

3. Don't even THINK ABOUT using the eraser tool or I will STOMP YOU to death with my hooves!!

Use a layer mask instead. Please I am begging you. It all comes back to making your edits as non-destructive as possible. If you erase something, it's gone forever. When you mask something, you can make changes to which parts are visible/not visible as often as you want.

For the newbies or the otherwise unacquainted, a mask is a greyscale ‘map’ attached to a layer (or layer group) that controls its opacity. Black areas give the layer 0% opacity, white areas will give it 100% opacity, and you can use shades of grey to achieve partial transparency. You ‘draw’ on these layers with the your trusty brush and paint bucket tools.

You can create a mask by selecting a layer and then clicking the little mask icon at the bottom of the layers panel (it’s the one with the little circle inside the box). Draw black on the parts you want to hide, and if you erase too much on accident? Just paint back over it with white!

I love masks, and sometimes i will throw an already masked layer inside a layer group and apply a second mask to said group. This way I have two masks that can be edited independently from each other. Like layer mask-ception.

So anyway, yes. Eraser tool? Don’t know her.

4. Try using channels to create masks!

This is a technique that works REALLY well for cutting out complex shapes, such as wispy hair (or feathers!) -- provided there's strong contrast between the subject and the background, and the background isn't too busy.

This is also a fantastic method for capturing alpha transparency. For example: If you have a neato paint stroke/splatter/watercolor texture you want to use as a mask, but has a solid background that’s getting in the way of things. This method will capture all the semi-opaque areas flawlessly!!

While editing your image (which you had better have made into a Smart Object!!!) do the following:

Switch from the "layers" panel to the "Channels" panel.

Toggle through the R, G, and B channels, and decide which one has the most contrast for the areas you are trying to mask.

Ctrl+Click that channel's thumbnail. This will create a selection marquee.

Switch back to the layers panel

Click on the target layer/group (the one you are trying to mask)

Click the mask icon at the bottom of the panel (the one with the circle inside a box)

Release the selection and invert the mask if necessary

If you're using this method to cut out a subject from its background, you probably won't want alpha transparency. In this case, select the mask thumbnail and use a levels adjustment on the mask itself to bump the contrast until you have more of a cutout effect!

It sounds like a lot of steps, but it’s really simple! So I made this handy GIF: (click to view from beginning)

Sometimes you won’t want to use this method for the entire image, but just a specific part. For example, if you’ve cut out a character with some other method (magic wand, manual brushwork), but are having a hard time with their hair in particular. Use this method to create the selection, but instead of converting the whole selection into a mask, use the brush tool to apply the mask only where you need it! You can invert the selection itself with shift+ctrl+i.

5. Outlining text

The font I used here is Salomé, which is actually a solid typeface with no outlined version. But you can make virtually any font into an outlined version if you so desire!

There's two possible methods here, actually:

The Easy Way:

Add a stroke layer effect to the text layer (by selecting the layer, clicking the little “fx” button at the bottom of the layers panel, and choosing “Stroke...”)

As far as settings go, aligning the stroke to the inside usually yields the best result/maintains the integrity of the letterforms.

Make the color of the text itself match the background.

If necessary, use the lighten/darken blend modes to create the illusion of transparency.

If you need true transparency (which I didn't until I decided I wanted to apply a gradient over the text), you'll have to try something else-- The Also Easy But Less Than Ideal Way:

Right click the text layer in the layers panel and select "convert to shape".

Now you can edit the fill/stroke the same way you would any other vector shape.

Again, you’ll want to set the stroke alignment to ‘inside’. For vector shapes, those settings are a little hidden. You’ll wanna open up that little dropdown in the toolbar with the line in it, and click “More Options”.

This is semi-destructive, so if you're working with a lot of text you might have to edit later, consider duplicating and hiding those text layers first so you'll have a 'backup' of it.

And while I’m on the topic of text...

6. Try breaking up your text layers!

I know a lot of people like to draw a neat little text box to put their text in, and then they center it all nice and neat and probably use a small font size to make it subtle and stuff... and that’s cool. Everyone’s got their different styles and things they like to emphasize in their edits and there’s absolutely merit to that sort of thing (case and point: the bulk of my dear @herzdieb’s work), but. Listen.

I love typography. I love a good typeface. The stroke widths, the letterforms, the ligatures, the serifs... I get like, horny on main for a good typeface. I like to make the text on my edits BIG, so that those details can shine. I also like doing interesting things with the text. Jumbling words/letters around, distorting them, deconstructing them and just...  letting the text really ~interact with the rest of the composition instead of just kinda politely floating on top of it.

I’m not saying you have to do that kinda stuff. Or that I think neat little floaty text boxes are boring, or lazy, or whatever. It’s just... personally, I get really inspired by type. Fun type treatments are one of those things I LIVE FOR, something of a ~signature of mine, and I encourage everyone to just... try it? To use text as more of an integral Design Element and less of a... idk. A caption?

So if you have a quote, or even just a word... put each word (or letter) on its own text layer. And then: make ‘em different sizes. Make the words so big they don’t fit on the canvas. Rotate each one at a fun angle. Scatter them around. Go nuts. Use masks to chop parts of the letterforms off. Make ‘em overlap. Just have at it. Or, as the kids these days are saying: go absolutely fuckin feral.

If that really just isn’t your style, or doesn’t work/make sense for the edit you’re doing, fine. Delete all the layers and just do a text box or whatever. But. I’m tellin u.

Give it a try.

At least once.

Just... a lil taste.

7. Understand the difference between lighten/darken vs screen/multiply

For a while in my photoshoppin' youth, my understanding of these blend modes basically amounted to "darken makes things darker, and multiply makes things really darker", and vice versa for lighten/screen. But there's an important difference between how these blend modes work, and if you understand them, you can use them more... strategically? I guess?

Darken and Lighten are kinda misnomers tbh, because they technically don't really darken or lighten anything. What they actually do is make it so that only the areas of the layer that are darker or lighter than the content of the layers beneath them are visible. This produces some pretty nifty layering effects that you can't achieve with screen and multiply.

Here’s an example: (if you’re reading this on a phone with the brightness dimmed down you probably won’t be able to see the differences)

Without any the texture applied, you can really see the noise/graininess of Crowley’s jacket in the screencap. You can also see the ‘seam’ where Crowley fades into the background-- the jacket is a green-ish black, while the background it’s fading into is more of a purple-black.

With the texture set to ‘Screen’, the whole image becomes lighter across the board. Crowley’s jacket gets lighter, and so does Aziraphale’s jacket and the pink cloud thing. This does little to nothing to obscure the poor image quality and disguise that ‘seam’.

But with the ‘Lighten’ blend mode, ONLY the dark parts of the image appear lightened, and not only do they appear lightened, but they get kinda equalized. Notice how the patchy jpeg artifacts on Crowley’s jacket disappear, how that color seam smooths out, and how the brightness of Aziraphale’s jacket and the pink cloud doesn’t change at all.

This isn’t to say that lighten/darken are better and that you shouldn’t use screen/multiply. They each have their uses. But most often, I find myself using lighten/darken because the way they work is honestly really helpful? And just cool af?

8. Masking individual frames on gifs

If you ever feel like torturing yourself by making a gif that has frame-by-frame masking, my advice is don't try to mask each frame from scratch. You'll get patchy/wobbly results from the masks being slightly different on each frame.

Instead, mask the first frame, then alt+click and drag that mask onto the next frame. Make any minor adjustments to the new mask as needed, and repeat for each frame. This saves time and more importantly, keeps the masking consistent on areas with little to no movement, which makes a HUGE difference in how smooth the final product will be.

If you look at the edges of the animation, they’re nice and steady and consistent. It’s only the parts that have a lot of movement (like the back of his neck) where you can see any ‘ghosting’/wobbly-ness happening.

Sometimes the mask will move when I copy it to the next frame. Like, for the whole document. It gets nudged 20 pixels down or to the left or s/t every time. I have yet to figure out why, but I’m betting it has something to do with shooting myself in the foot with the frame 1 propagation settings at some point during editing?? ANYWAY, when this happens, just unlock the mask from its layer (click the little chain icon between their thumbnails) and move it back into place.

In these cases, I also like to pick a spot with a hard edge (such as the shoulder in the above gif) as a reference point of where it needs to be moved to. It kinda sucks having to do this for every frame, but you already signed up for some suckage when u decided to mask every frame of a gif, so I mean... 👀

9. Don't be afraid/too intimidated to do manips as needed!

Manips can be tricky if you're really striving for realism. There's light sources and color grading and perspectives to reconcile!! But when you're doing an artsy Edit with a capital E, odds are those kinds of discrepancies will be thoroughly camouflaged by all the levels, black and white, etc adjustments you're doing!

Something I run into often is, "I like this screencap, but the top of their head/hair is chopped off :(" But if I go back through all the screencaps from the scene, there's usually another frame where the camera is planned/zoomed out enough that I can steal the rest of their head/limb from it! And since it's from the same scene/shot, the lighting and color grading should already be a perfect match!

A super simple example:

So I wanted to use this picture of David and Michael for this edit, but 1) They’re standing on the wrong sides for their characters, and 2) part of David’s arm is covered up by Michael’s.

Of course, the easiest course of action would be to just mirror the photo so they’re on the correct sides, but 1) mirroring faces tends to yield wonky results, and 2) that still wouldn’t give me a perfect, free-standing cutout of Crowley to place wherever I want in my composition (as opposed to being forced to awkwardly position him off the edge of the canvas to hide the fact that the other arm is missing)

Fortunately, it only took all of like, two (2) minutes to draw a crude selection around his good arm, copy and paste it into a new layer, flip it around, and add any necessary masking to get the shape right.

My point here isn’t to teach y’all how to do manips, or to pass this off as an impressive example of one. Because it’s really, REALLY not. My point here is to demonstrate that even something as tiny and simple as this can really open up your options for what you can actually do with an edit/composition.

So next time you’re feeling limited/inconvenienced by the crop of a screencap, just... you know. Consider whether or not it’s worth attempting a quick and dirty manip to fix it.

Another Example:

Sometimes you’re torn between two screencaps. You like one element from Screencap A but also want some other element from Screencap B. What to do? Just frankenstein ‘em together. Layer one on top of the other, get them lined up, and mask out the necessary parts.

It’s easy to get hung up on stuff like “Uh... should Crowley’s shoulder be doing that?” but let me assure you that like... the people looking at the final product are none the wiser to your butcherwork and will not notice. Especially if you’re going to add a bunch of contrast and color adjustments later on. (in fact, sometimes I’ll apply those adjustments first so I’m not distracted by any discrepancies that are going to come out in the wash anyway)

“I dunno... 🤔🤔 doesn’t seem anatomically correct... 🤔🤔🤔🤔” thought no one.

Point is... point is... dolphins you can get away with a LOT more than you think you can. Don’t let the desire to make these kinds of manips perfect get in the way of just... making them good enough. The bar isn’t that high, I promise.

10. Know what inspires you

What types of edits get you EXCITED? What kind of work do you see on your dash and go, "oh, I'm reblobbin' THAT!!1!"

I know for herzdieb, she's all about emotional pieces. She likes matching words/lyrics/poetry to on-screen moments and punching you in the feels with both. She hears a song, or reads a poem, and the lightbulbs go off for her, and she does her thing.

As for myself, I just live for the aesthetics of an edit. The colors, the fonts, the composition. I almost never know what text/screencaps I'm going to use when I start an edit. I just see a font I like, or a color palette, or a texture, and think, "I wanna use that!"

And once you know what inspires you, collect that inspo! I hoard textures and fonts. I have them organized into neat lil folders. When I wanna make an edit, that’s where I start. I just browse through them all until one or two start calling my name. Herzdieb collects songs and quotes and poems. Maybe your thing is color palettes, or aesthetic-y photos. Or whatever.

The point here is make the kinda stuff you like/want to see. Not the kinda stuff everyone else is making or the kinda stuff you notice gets the most notes.

11. Be able to let go of things that aren't working

I often begin an edit with a rough idea of the style, colors, or layout I'm going for. And I almost always end up doing... something totally different.

So don't get too fixated on what your initial ideas are. Be open to experimenting and just let the edit be what it wants to be. If something looks nice, do it. If it doesn't, don't try to force it just because, "well, I was inspired by this piece that did xyz and I wanna try it too".

When you see a certain effect that inspires you, just keep it in mind as a possible solution for the next time you make something-- don't make it into a benchmark, or some imaginary 'goal' you have to meet for This Edit You Are Working On Right This Moment. In fact, sometimes the elements I end up ditching are the very ones I started with, that initially sparked my inspiration. And that's okay. Inspiration can be a moving target, and if your vision for something changes, let it.

You wanna know what inspo reference I was looking at when I started that “Temptation Accomplished” edit?

Fucking this: https://search.muz.li/YTdiNjkwN2Rh

You might be thinking, “how the fUCK was that the inspiration??!! Your edit looks nothing like that at all!” ...and you would be 100% correct, and that is 100% my point. I spent a good hour or two trying to incorporate that cutout text layering effect before finally accepting the fact that it just wasn’t working for the edit I was making. And it wasn’t until then that it actually started to come together.

12. Be patient, and take the time to explore all your options!

I’m not gonna lie, y’all. I spend hours on my edits. I usually complete them over the course of 2-3 days/sittings. I rarely have a plan. 99% of the time I'm just throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks. When I get stuck (when, not if), it helps to step away from it and come back later with a fresh perspective/set of eyes.

Every single edit I've posted, I have at some point felt like giving up on because I thought it looked like garbage (and not just because I was being self-deprecating/doubting myself, but because at those points, they simply weren't finished/something about the composition just wasn't working for me)

Work through those moments, and if necessary, take a break/sleep on it. It's always after I've exhausted my early ideas that the really good ones start to come to mind!

Here’s how the character poster edits I did progressed:

In Classic Me™ Fashion, I literally started off with just... textures I liked, and a font that I liked. Now, there were obviously a lot more ‘steps’ involved in both designs, but hopefully at the very least this gives a sense of how things get from point A to point B.

So uh... thanks 4 comin 2 my TED talk. I hope u learned at least one (1) cool new thing or maybe just feel vaguely inspired by this rambling mess?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #274

“now i can hear the marching feet / they’re moving into the street”

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? I only have a black one. Is your dream job attainable? I mean define “dream job.” I’d ideally be a meerkat biologist if I was willing to live in Africa and could handle even mild heat, but I can’t/won’t do either of those, so it’s not obtainable to me. I’d also love to be a paleontologist if I could travel and handle heat once more, but again, I can’t. My only *attainable* dream job is being a photographer, which I am aiming for. I’d LIKE to focus on nature/wildlife photography, but that’s unlikely to be able to support me, so. Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? N/A Have you slept for longer than usual today? Yes, but only because of my nightmares. I tend to take at least two (though sometimes one) hour-long naps during the day because if I wake up once during the night, as I usually do, I’m fucked because I’m very likely to have an intense nightmare. It seems like the medicine I’m on wears off with consciousness, I guess. I only allow myself to sleep an hour at daytime because my mother has noticed if I have a nightmare, it’s usually no earlier than one hour into sleep. Even then I still have them occasionally. Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Recorder in elementary school was necessary for whatever stupid reason, and then I played the flute for years. Out of school, I took guitar lessons for a while. I got semi-decent (at best I could do the intro to “Crazy Train” at normal speed, I think), but it didn’t last because it was annoying/time-consuming to build up the calluses that make playing painless, I was really bad at overthinking where my fingers were, and I just wasn’t invested quite enough. I’ll tell you, it gave me mad respect for guitarists, that shit isn’t easy by any means. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yes, though it was brief. I was a kid (okay, pre-teen, w/e) still in my separation anxiety from Mom phase and it was literally because of me we had to go home. I still feel shitty about it, though no one seemed upset at me. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck even knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; N/A; yes ultimately but no at the current moment because I have to keep watch over Mom. If you wear make-up, which brand of foundation/powder do you use? N/A Would you call yourself a “people” person? Nope. What is one change you need to make in your life this month? Just one??? What’s been tugging on your heart lately? My PTSD plus self-image has been very, very bad. What is the last thing you did that made you feel guilty? Mom had to clean up my cat’s projectile vomit even though she’s supposed to stay away from this kinda stuff through chemo. I literally cannot fucking touch vomit, never mind what came out of him that night. I felt like absolute fucking shit and I still do because WOW I’m a great adult right!! Do you have any physical traits that are bothering you lately? Like, everything. What kind of dog is your favorite? I’m biased to beagles. What was the last thing you received in the mail? A book. What is the last thing you wrote? Like, physically? My signature at the doctor’s office. Do you still care about the person you first kissed? Way fucking more than I should. Do you require a lot of private time? Definitely more than most people. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? I haven’t listened to it in forever for ~reasons~, yet “The Mortician’s Daughter” is stuck in my head badly and really needs to fuck off. What was the last song you downloaded? I dunno, I went on a download binge a while back. Have you ever read a really funny book? I remember at least one. “Bite Me” by IDR-Who. Some vampire satire. Have you ever done something humiliating while drunk? Never reached the point of being drunk. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? fuckin YIKES I am NOT attractive rn go away Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? HAHA my mom has always had the decency to knock, not so much his mom a;lwkejrewoei but the answer’s still no. What electronics are in your room? (DVD player, CD player, etc) This laptop, my phone, a Nintendo DS, my iPod… Do you have a box anywhere with special items you'll to keep forever in it? Yes, actually. Grew up calling them “treasure boxes.” Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls? Lol no, I’d definitely prefer to not see myself as much as I can. That sounds melodramatic, but I’m being serious. It either depresses me or makes me angry. Does your dad collect anything? The Cleveland Browns’ football team stuff, for one. Maybe Carolina Hurricane stuff, too? Idk. I don’t live with him and don’t go in his “man cave” at his house often ha ha. What's better, a desktop or laptop? Explain. A laptop. Portable; that’s all the explanation ya really need. Do your parents still hide chocolate eggs around on Easter for you? Nah. What do you typically do on Easter Day? We go to my sister’s house to watch the kids do their egg hunting and open their gifts, then we usually go to Ashley’s in-laws’ for dinner. Is there anyone you literally need to exist? Apparently not. Thought so. Never let yourself into that state of mind. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand-written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Oh, a hand-written poem would wreck me, yeesh. Or a drawing. But any would be very sweet. Do you remember why you made the last mistake you did? I don’t know the most recent mistake, but probably because I’m just in general a terrified person who second-guesses or overanalyzes everything. Did you check how many calories the last thing you ate had? Yes. I’m back on my calorie-counting obsession again. Are your nails long or short? Short, always. I can’t keep them long. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Just the ordinary chocolate chip is fine. What was the last compliment you received? I don’t know. Who will be the next person you kiss? I normally delete this question because the answer should be so obvious, but I feel like just pointing it out that no one fucking knows who they’re gonna kiss next. It’s a dangerous mindset. Don’t make assumptions about what you’ll have even tomorrow. Have you ever made your own icon? Yeah, on many sites. They’re just about always just edits, though, not truly original work. What color is your computer mouse? It’s black. Have you ever been sung to on your birthday in a restaurant? Yes. Do you like black olives? I don’t like olives period. Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocolypse? Personally, no. I do think it’s scientifically possible, we already see this in insects, but I just don’t imagine it happening to humans before we’re our own downfall. Do you like the person you’ve become over the past years? Fuck no. Have you ever gone to church just to get a significant other? … No…? Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? No, that shit is terrifying. Are you really ticklish? YES don’t fucking touch me. How do you decide what you're going to eat each day? I just follow what I’m craving that day. How are you similar to your siblings? Different? Compared to Ashley and Nicole at least, I can’t think of any real similarities off the top of my head. They’re intelligent, motivated, outgoing, successful, yada yada, then there’s me. What's your favorite type of non-fiction literature? Autobiographies by people I’m actually interested in. Do you believe in souls? Soulmates? Souls, absolutely. Soulmates, no. It’s fairytale ideation to think your soul has a perfect match with another, hate to break it to ya. Favorite soundtrack? BITCH don’t make me choose between Shadow of the Colossus and Silent Hill 2. Fucking masterpieces. Pianos or guitars? *shrugs* Depends on the music and my mood. Did an animal ever bite you? Never seriously. How many languages do you speak? Only English fluently. I’m poor at German by now. Wiggly worms or bumble bees? Worms gross me out, bees are Good Boys. Religion? I don’t really identify with any. I just believe there’s some form of ultimate intelligence and essences beyond just the body, and that’s all I even pretend to know. Fog, thunder, or rain? Fog gives me that Silent Hill Vibe *Italian kiss* What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? The way I treated Jason after the breakup. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Damn pollen. Do you know anyone else with your name? Yeah. What would you be most afraid of happening if you were to visit Africa? Viruses or botflies. Where are you tempted to move to sometimes? I very legitimately want to live in Canada by now, but I won’t because I’m not moving that far from family. Who seems like they have the perfect life? I try not to make that assumption of anyone. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Does taking pictures of roadkill count???? lmao probably Do you think it would be a good idea to post photos of negative moments as well as positive? Well… I guess it depends. Like ngl, the pictures some people share of them having panic attacks to just show how fucking real they are definitely touch you, as do those depicting poverty, etc., BUT I really do think there are limits and also differences in motivations. What time zone are you in? EST. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? Wow, speaking of. No. ^Why or why not? I am an UGLY cry-er, my man. But I also just don’t want people to see that, and it’s definitely not on my mind to take a picture during a breakdown. What was the last thing you cried about? My life. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yes. Where do you buy calendars from? I don’t. Do you shop at the dollar store often? Not *often*, but we’ll stop by for a snack or something sometimes. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. Do you feel you missed out on a lot as a kid? I guess in some ways. Who was that best friend you ever had? Sara. What color is your laptop? Black. What are five careers you think you’d be good at? My work history has shown I can’t do shit right. Are you thriving in your life right now? lmao no one is in 2020. Who do you have moral support from? My family, doctor, and a few friends. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? The same as above. Do you have people in your family who want you dead? Wow, I hope not. Do you have a walk-in closet? No, but my room at the new house will. :’) Not that I need one, it’s just pretty cool. How do you feel about people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos having so much power and control in the world? Do you believe that any one person should have so much power? Let’s be real, in our current world, money is power, and no one should have that much control of the world, especially if your intentions are bad. NOW I don’t know jack shit about any of those are far as morals go, but just saying. It’s dangerous. Has your anxiety alone ever prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? This is ACTUALLY the story of my fucking life. Do you enjoy reading stories and novels that are heavily stylistic, poetic, or unconventional or do you prefer your prose to follow a familiar grammatical structure? Okay, I LOVE those, like Johnny Got His Gun and The Handmaid’s Tale that’s kinda like, run-on writing. Just letting a train of thought go. Those are two of the most powerful books I’ve ever read and they’re both written in a unique fashion. Have you ever fallen for any sort of Internet-based hoax? (e.g., fake celeb death, satire news article…) I’m sure at some point, especially as a kid. Do you tend to read reviews before you watch a movie or read a book? What do you hope to get out of doing so? NO. I don’t wanna have any precognition. When you go to a concert, how far must you travel for the most usual venues you visit? Most are on the other end of the state, and NC is long, so. We’re lucky if they come to Raleigh. Do you rent movies frequently? I never do, really. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Take pictures or swim. What’s your favorite meal to cook? I don’t cook. What movie has been taken WAY too far, as far as sequels go? Oh, I’m sure there are some, but none immediately come to mind. I’m not that into movies. Do you refuse to eat certain foods because of what they look like? Yes. I am VERY poor at getting past how a food looks. What are you listening to? NSP’s cover of “Don’t Fear The Reaper.” It’s fuckin gorgeous. How much homework do you have tonight? N/A Are you wearing any bracelets? Yes; one that Sara got me as well as an ovarian cancer awareness one. What's physically wrong with you right now? JINKIES I just feel really lethargic like always. Do you take any medications daily? Ha ha thanks for actually reminding me I need to now. When was the last time you moved to a new house? Two years ago, and now we’ll be moving to a much better place by the end of this month/early September, finally. When it comes to relationships, are you the jealous type? Nah. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? Idk actually. It’s not like I use it a lot. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? A few nights ago. I was extremely hot, dizzy, and pretty nauseated. I was fine, though. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I pretty much never wear makeup so have never really had a reason to reapply it. I’m definitely not wearing any now. Does your kitchen have a theme? No. Do you like ice cream sandwiches? GIRL yes. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. They’re more comfortable imo but more importantly block out exterior noise very well. Are you a fan of any independent films? ngl, I don’t know exactly what that is and I don’t feel like looking it up. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I very genuinely think some of the RP stories I’ve taken part in are novel-worthy, yes. I wanted to make them books when I was younger, but now I no longer do mainly because there are areas that are just way too fucking dark that I don’t wanna put out there but play massive parts in the stories, so like… Do you regularly watch the news? I never do. Facebook is my “news” source lmao. Who was the last person you video-chatted with? I don’t remember for sure, maybe some doctor? What do you want the theme of your wedding to be? I don’t really think about this, seeing as my mind has changed enough, and it also depends on what my partner wants, too. Have you ever been caught passing a note in class? Noooo, I absolutely hated passing notes because I was genuinely a good student. I only did so very, very rarely if another friend started it. Have you ever had dandruff? I have dandruff AND a dry scalp. It’s a wonderful mix. Have you ever gone through a phase of crushing on EVERYONE? Definitely not. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker, and I might still have gloves with studs? Can you remember what you last clapped for? My mom’s birthday! :’) Have you ever given a pet to someone else? Yes, with cats; we had to do that quite often when I was a kid because we had so many cats, none which we could afford to fix. Then we’ve done it with two dogs we just couldn’t handle. Oh yeah, I gave my iguana away too because he was too high maintenance for me, but also because he DESPERATELY needed a much bigger terrarium, which we couldn’t afford. I absolutely could not watch him in that tiny tank. I miss him a LOT, but he went to a wonderful home! The lady who adopted him sent me pictures upon pictures months after taking him in. Do you know anyone named Walter? No. What's your least favorite ice-cream flavor? Strawberry is fucking disgusting. And that’s coming from someone whose favorite fruit is strawberries. What's your least favorite song by your favorite artist? I’m not sure. There’s a handful that just don’t grab my attention that I don’t even remember them. What was the last good news you heard? I can FINALLY talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow. Who’s your favorite singer of all time? Probably Freddie Mercury. What airline do you fly most? Idk, I don’t really pay attention. I haven’t flown very often though anyway. Do you have a dog that is destructive? I don’t have a dog. What’s one TV series you’ve seen every episode of? Meerkat Manor is the most obvious, ha ha. Maaaaany times. Assuming you have Facebook, who last left you a wallpost? Probably my friend Sammi. Assuming you have hair, how are you wearing it today? It’s too short for me to “wear” it any particular way. It’s just… there lmao. Assuming you're not homeless, what kind of living arrangements do you have? I live with my mom in a house she’s renting. Have you or have you ever considered messing around with the same sex? I’m bisexual so you can guess I’m not opposed to it. Are you particular about any brands of food you will or will not eat? Are there any restaurants you refuse to go to? Brands, no. I don’t eat Chick-fil-a because they’re run by fucking homophobic bigots that monetarily support conversion therapy and other anti-LGBT projects. I’m not giving you any fucking money. What was the most current dream you can remember about? Do you generally dream every night, or hardly at all? It was actually last night, when I dreamed about accidentally running into Jason where I last knew he worked, and he was really hostile. If I don’t take my medicine, I always have nightmares when I sleep.