#i wanna be her doormat so bad

[vaugarde]

 really gotta get around to drawing widow some more bc im getting ideas for her (sad)

[weirdmageddon]

i love these tags this person is so right

actually, can you imagine if dave was raised by B1 roxy?

i wanna get into this actually

(ok i had to spend a few hours rewriting this because IT DIDNT FUCKING SAVE AFTER FIVE HOURS OF WRITING WHEN MY COMPUTER UPDATED WHILE I WAS AFK so it would mean a lot to show this post some appreciation. i LOVEEE hearing what other people have to say)

even though these things mom does are presented in an extravagant, kitsch, jokey way, her intentions always came from a place of sincerity. she is simply Funnie

but rose reads too far into it and assumes things that aren't there, that her mother is passive-aggressively feigning interest in rose's interests simply because the things she does are so extra. "why do all of this if not to mock me"

im telling you right now if dave lived in this household he wouldn't assume antagonism, he'd go,

don’t forget who LITERALLY patented tangible jpeg artifacts as their post-scratch adult self and scattered shitty scummed up statue of liberties all over the planet. theres no way some of that overboard artful shit wasnt post-ironic / circling back around to genuine funny sincerity

dave's natural state is funny sincerity like roxy. he's had the natural capacity for this type of humor from the start and this is the direction he goes towards when he grows out of his brother's shadow by the end of the comic. dave and roxy share an earnest “so bad its good” type of humor

(lots more under the cut; the length of this meta analysis just got unwieldly with all the pictures and whatnot)

despite the alcoholism, roxy is a supportive mother. she's not the ideal guardian but hells of a lot more supportive of her kid than bro is. if she knew dave's interests she would totally indulge in them with some over the top silly goofy haha shit as a genuine gesture simply because she loves him

rose isn't too keen on it though. but she is more similar to dirk in her natural state of thinking of overthinking shit and assuming the worst, like the tags said

and yes dave got the sweet cuddly yet sometimes backhanded ouppy gene from roxy, probably even moreso lol

roxy's even said rose "sounds like girl dirk"

side tangent here, but this is something i wanna talk about.

i dont think bro should ever be in custody of children ever but if theres anyone who would be up to the task it's rose probably. i know she'd be able to keep up with him. not only does she have a defined personality (dave is more malleable and absorbs his environment like a sponge), if anyone can pick apart B1 dirk's batshit brain and probably be right on the money it's her. lil cal has been pumping patriarchal nonsense into bro's head and rose would be able to bring the fucking facts to the table without losing her own and being a living example of a badass little girl. i also don't think bro would try to force masculine roles onto rose like he did with dave, seeing as she is a girl, so she would actually have more of a leg up and get some passes that dave was never afforded. and rose wouldn't stand idly and accept any bullshit; she is no doormat. and i think this would earn bro's respect

but anyway, from this, couldn't we conclude roxy "sounds like girl dave"?

yeah okay. we havent even gotten into their penchant for funny typos or misspeaks, deliberate or otherwise

so, dave's environment

the sentiment "god you hope you can be as good as your bro at this some day" might have been genuine at the time when he idolized bro but of course he's not able to express that in any sort of sincere fashion because he's in dirk's fucking household. and this level 10 irony shit isnt doing dave any favors

his role models were the Internet and a vague idea of what Bro was like. So he built up his facade based on irony–not the literary definition of irony, as Rose might be quick to point out, but a popular concept of irony based on the idea that things that didn’t make sense actually made sense in some roundabout way. As a master of irony, Dave probably reasoned, he could see in a way other people couldn’t why a world that was scary and didn’t make sense really did make sense, and could therefore convince those people that he was superior to them. And he would wield his knowledge to maintain the appearance of superiority by calling everything ironic and pretending he didn’t care about things that didn’t make sense, and he would use walls of vaguely rhyming words to keep everyone at arm’s length so they wouldn’t discover his insecurities (source)

roxy's style is the embodiment of post-irony. being raised by mom lalonde would be like being raised by joel vinesauce ok

what can i say ….. (getting meta about this actually, hussie got these jpeg wizard wallpapers from a spyware website. link takes some time to load because internet archive)

rose is quick to read post-irony as actually being a joke/insincere, which in bro's case would be true. but i believe dave's natural instinct, outside of the influence of bro, is to read post-irony as genuine, which is exactly how mom serves it. we see this as early as act 3 from him; he understands her motives better than rose does herself:

and in act 6 intermission 2 i think it's pretty clear

but the thing is, it's always genuine from her. dave wouldn't have to second guess it because he's not one to naturally second guess someone's sincerity; that was learned due to his bro being virtually unassailable

there two types of ironies at play here:

seems like a joke, is actually genuine (roxy)

doesnt seem like a joke, is actually a joke (dirk)

you can make the argument that the second is is more psychologically destructive because it makes you question the reality of what is genuine sentiment and what isn't. dave never knew what was genuine and what was irony so he just sort of existed in this sincerity-ironic limbo and always did the opposite of what he genuinely felt on principle even if it always did originate from a genuine place.

"it just a joke bro i was just being ironic i dont actually x" is so much more trust-breaking and psychologically damaging than "wait are you being serious" / "i am being so fucking fr rn davy gravy" / "ok thats actually pretty fucking awesome. giant ass wizard statue" / "RIGHT"

how much about dave would change do you think? his character arc would be completely different for one thing, i think he'd have it good aside from mom's alcohol issues. he'd be left with the sweet and funny parts of him that we see at the end of the comic. the fake coolguy stuff is out, but this remains. this is dave in his element and we see it as early as act 1

he'd probably have no shades growing up in the lalonde residence* either cause those were given to him by bro straight out of the crater as an extension of his own cool image. and john gave dave ben stiller’s aviators for his 13th birthday to replace them so he could “spread his wings”

dave said he was wearing them for the ironies but i kind of doubt it. maybe post-irony but there was some reacharound to it being genuine because dave never put those pointy anime shades on his face again.

*though... it’s kind of hard to imagine him without his shades at all? B2 dave still got stiller’s shades from stiller himself so maybe getting them is a universal constant. i can imagine mom getting him them as a birthday gift cause shes pretty wealthy and probably could buy it out in an auction. but also itd be cool if john still gave him it as a gift

dave is actually a lot more genuine and easy to read than he lets on even when grappling with his upbringing with B1 dirk (again, see this post). this can be seen all throughout he comic but a good example is the evolution of thoughts about his interest in the preserved dead things in his room:

if B1 roxy was dave's guardian he probably WOULD have pursued paleontology because she wouldve indulged him in it and probably find it cool and worthwhile to pursue, instead of allowing dave to flounder under ironic detachment, being poisoned by irony to the point of gaslighting himself into believing he doesnt actually believe he thinks this shit is cool. even if it was indulged in this such a way; a superficially kitsch and ironic appearing presentation, it comes from a genuine place and inspires genuine interest. just read the comments.

basically, i think if B1 roxy raised dave, their relationship would have a surface level appearance of being bizarre or over-the-top but they’d have an unsaid mutual understanding that it’s completely in earnest and just build on each other's funny and absurd gestures of affection. rather than seeing it as one-upping each other, it'd more like collaboration of some silly bullshit that you take a step back and look at full and just say, "fucking incredible"

speaking of paleontology, mom had the proto-ectobiology lab. maybe they'd be able to use the equipment to appearify paradox ghost imprints of the dead shit to create paradox clones of things from the cambrian era??? sounds like a fun mother son bonding activity. and theyd actually put the sciencey shit in the household to use

oh god i know exactly the kinds of music shed listen too also growing up as a teen in the 80s. she on that (post)-punk/art rock/new wave/new romantic mtv stuff. XTC shit fr. this is a B-52S HOUSEHOLD. maybe the associates for the campy melodramatic flair. so he gets to keep the record on his shirt cause he is an enjoyer of the shit in her vinyl collection. dave would still gravitate towards musical expression and music itself but of more variety outside of just rap, with an 80s-90s, even 70s flavor due to mom’s influence. see this for perhaps a glimpse. ​she probably visited new york city a lot for business trips and because the music scene was cool as hell around that time, imports came straight from jfk airport, she probably got in on that a bit and have remnants in the form of vinyls and cassettes. in this way she could be distributing void to dave (influencing him with forgotten / presently irrelevant music). now he can REALLY rave about bands none of his friends have heard of. “hey davy grvay watcha listenin to” (he holds up vinyl cover) “omg snakefinger”

btw dave lalonde would look like this to me

[imaginespazzi]

i wanna get on the pazzi train so bad but paige moves so weird that i want better for azzi. flirting with someone on live, entertaining tiktoks of people thirsting over you, idk it's just mad weird and it makes me think there's no way they're together and if they are then azzi's putting up with a lot of shit and i don't like that.

Stay off the train 🙏🏾😑

You know I was gonna ignore all this Jada-Paige commotion (beyond how it related to my Kazzi agenda) because I found the whole thing kinda funny (Jada's hella real for her reaction to Paige) and I'm not in the mood to get into discourse these days but then I got like three asks similar to this and so now, I needa rant because y'all piss me off

Genuinely, genuinely do y'all like either of these girls? Because this narrative is so ridiculous and disrespectful to both of them.

Paige, is literally a sweetheart. Like that girl is a golden retriever of a human being and values trust and loyalty so much. Y'all she would not hurt a fly, let alone Azzi of all people. How is her joining someone's live or liking a couple of tiktoks equal to her "moving weird?" And quite frankly if "do you guys have a shake shack in Iowa" and endless basketball schedule talk is what y'all consider flirting, then bestie I'm so sorry but I don't think you've ever had someone flirt with you before. Paige has never given anyone any reason to think that she'd ever step out on anyone and it's so unfair that people make their own assumptions based off of the literal most mundane things.

And then we get to Azzi. In what world does Azzi fucking Fudd, strong independent gorgeous successful queen, give you the impression that she'd put up with that kind of disrespect if it existed? She might be horrendously down bad enough for that girl that she'd begrudgingly take 3562 photos of her, but stay with her if she was cheating/"moving weird"? Absolutely not. She does not need your protecting or your so-called sympathy, because a) Paige isn't doing anything wrong and b) Azzi is not a fucking doormat who's "putting up with a lot shit".

I'm not going to get into it but there is implicit racism in this narrative. It happens with a lot of ir/fictional interracial couples where people think the white person in the relationship must be cheating or whatever because they can't possibly just be happy with their bipoc partner and that said partner will just put up with it because they don't know their worth.

If you don't think Pazzi are real, that's perfectly fine. I've never been one to say you have to believe in them but please, for the love of god, just use the most obvious reason which is that neither of them have outwardly confirmed a relationship. Please stop villainizing Paige and please stop infantilizing Azzi.

[darlingdarkly]

New Year, New You

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish x f!reader

Personal Trainer AU

just over 4k words

tw: dark fic, dark content, dubcon, obsessive behavior, E rated, 18+, mature themes

Part 1, 2, of 3? 4? 5? (More parts planned)

You had lucked out at the office white elephant party this year. You drew the shortest straw, which normally was a bad omen, but in this particular situation meant you got to pick the last gift, or steal the gift of your choice, assuming it hadn’t been stolen twice already and when it finally came down to the last present and you ripped open the wrapping on a candle scented as something called “Caramel Cashmere” you knew you’d be taking your pick of the lot.

You surveyed the circle with sharp eyes. Two mugs, a blanket with a kitten surrounded by pink feathers emblazoned on it, a sample tray of exotic meat sausages, a gift basket from Sephora, An assortment of flavored Schnapps nip bottles with a set of shot glasses, a pair of AirPod pros (that had already been stolen twice and were thus, out of the game), two tickets to see some standup comedian named Roy Ramheart at the Holiday Inn over the weekend and lastly a two week trial to the brand new bougie gym that opened up downtown.

You turned slowly in the middle of the circle, shitty candle in hand, eyeing each person and their presents one by one. Sharon was shaking the blanket with the feathers and kitten on it, trying to entice you with it. Mark, the gym rat, was trying to hide the two week gym trial under his crossed arms. Maureen was already unpacking the Airpods and changing the heads to one’s that would be most comfortable to her ears, everyone else looked beyond bored. You did one more rotation before stopping in front of Mark who let out an irritated huff as you held out the large beige candle to him. He snatched the candle from your hand and reluctantly held out the gym brochure.

You grabbed it and opened it, leafing through it as the rest of the office stood and began to chatter about their new gifts with heated exchange, there’d be secret swaps later no doubt. Someone turned the music back up and the circle slowly broke and dispersed into a half drunk crowd of sloppy dancing and idle chatter.

Mark came up to you, obviously upset with your steal of the gym trial. “You could’ve had the Sephora gift basket. Maybe you’d get laid a little more if you indulged in some makeup.” You looked up at him, a winning smirk on your face, unfazed by his nasty jest and looked back down at the flashy brochure. Your office bestie Nancy came over and Mark strode away, annoyed at losing out to you and failing to get under your skin.

“What was that about?” You looked up at her and rolled your eyes as she stared after him. “Sore loser.” She eyed the brochure in your hands. “I see you got Mrs. Magna’s gym trial.” You smiled and popped the trial in your purse. “So it was hers, I had a feeling.” She handed you a little red cup full of spiked punch. “Got it in the mail yesterday, she’s already gotten four of them and I was about to throw it out with the rest of the junk but then I remembered she still needed something for the white elephant thing so I saved it back, good thing too, the other option was a airmall catalog from her last business trip.”

You rolled your eyes, your boss had always been contemptuous at best, and if she held the whole of the office at foot level she held your best friend Nancy, her secretary, in the dirt. You had spent countless hours after work, drinks in hand listening to her vent about being Mrs. Magna’s doormat for forty hours a week.

You sucked down the last of the punch in your cup and regarded the hazy swirling quality the room had taken, it was time to go home. “I’m headed home, Nance. You wanna catch a ride with me?” She looked down at her feet, a look you’ve seen all too often, one that meant she’d be taking it face first again. “Gotta stay and clean up. She’s got an early board meeting in the morning and they’re having it here, so I’ve got to have this place spotless by 6:15.”

“God, does that woman ever give you a break?” She pulled you in for a hug and took your empty cup from your hands, replacing it with your purse. “Get home safe, and text me when you get there, yeah?” You smiled and nodded before turning for the door, pulling out your phone and opening up Uber.”

When you were home and locked up tight you texted Nancy, brushed your teeth and fell into bed, letting the buzz carry you to sleep.

You woke up the next morning, sour taste in your mouth and head throbbing dully. You slowly lurched from the nest of your bed and shambled into the bathroom, wincing at the brightness of the lights as you flicked them on and breathing out shakily as you shut them off again. With the little corner window casting gentle waxy rays into the space you turned on the shower and set about brushing your teeth. Bad taste gone, you climbed under the flow of steamy hot water and let the force of it all wash away your grogginess and began to feel just a bit better.

When you were out and dressed you made a light breakfast and pulled your white elephant gift from your purse. The front showed the shiny new building and the fancy letters at the top read “Baliquinox”. The brochure outlined the extent of the trial, all amenities available for the duration of the trial, including but not limited to the scheduled hot yoga, cycling and something called gravity assisted pilates. The gym also advertised a sauna, a full length Olympic sized pool, an in-house smoothie “artist”, as well as massage therapists and personal trainers on staff.

On the back of the brochure various payment plans were listed for membership packages, starting in the thousands, you immediately flipped the brochure back over to the front, two weeks was all you had, but you were going to make the most of it. If you could come up with a routine that you could do at home then you could give up the luxurities that came with the cushy admission price.

A week later you found yourself in front of the glitzy building, gym bag in hand as you stared at the shiny made up people behind the gleaming doors. Walking into the bustle of people you are met with a long white desk, there’s two people behind the counter, a fit beautiful woman and strong chiseled man, both already occupied with customers. But while the actual humans are occupied there is a row of kiosks set up with a sign above them that claims they can help you.

You walk up to one hesitantly and find that it’s actually a really simple process, you scan the barcode on the back of your brochure, type in some preliminary basic information, your name, address, email and phone number, and your free two week trial has begun. The machine spits out a laminated wristband at you. You tear it at the dotted lines, place it around your wrist and now you’re good to go. The machine wishes you a very productive workout and sends you on your way.

You walk further into the building, following a colored line on the floor that claims it will take you to the locker room. As you follow the line your eyes scan your surroundings, to your left are three glass rooms. One is currently occupied by a spin class, the next some sort of dance exercise class, the thumpy music felt through the floor in your feet but unheard to you outside of the walls, the last was a hot yoga class, you could tell by the mats on the floor and the condensation on the glass but as you were watching the instructor pressed a button on the tablet she was holding and the glass grayed out before your eyes, concealing the room from view.

You passed a room which you guessed held the pool, the sounds of echoing splashes crashed against the walls. Finally you could see the locker rooms before you, a door split off into men’s and women’s, keeping to the right you found yourself in an expansive room filled wall to wall with lockers. You came up to one with a green light on the front and pulled on the door, it opened freely and you began to change. When you had on your workout clothes you put the bag inside and shut the door, as you stepped away the light changed from green to red, signifying it had locked and you left the locker room.

You found the open gym space by following a different line on the floor. The room was split up into sections, one for machines, one for free weights, and one for cardio. Meandering into the cardio section you found a row of Peloton treadmills that stretched the length of the wall while the other side were full with cycle machines. You opted for a run to start with. There were a couple treadmills in use at the front but the ones in back were empty. You picked one by the far wall, stepping up onto it and putting your headphones in. You looked up at yourself in the mirror lined wall, taking in a deep breath before finding a song and picking a speed.

Head down and focused you let your footfalls come to the forefront of your mind, the only thing that mattered, soon the room around you faded and became unimportant. You had just broken out a sweat, head lifting and eyes opening to meet the mirrors of your own on the wall, but that wasn’t all.

Standing behind you, eyes connected with yours was a ruggedly handsome man, he stood behind you a few feet back from the treadmill and when you caught him staring he didn’t look away ashamed, just held your gaze with shockingly pale blue eyes. He wore black athletic shorts and a white shirt with the gym's name across his chest, he definitely worked here, personal trainer maybe, judging by his ripped physique. His lips turned up in a smirk and it was you who finally broke the locked gaze.

You looked down at your phone, shuffled through a few songs before checking the mirror again, he was still there. You were about to turn and speak to him when he turned on foot and headed out of the cardio section and out of sight. You stopped the machine and took a moment to take in your surroundings. There were a few more patrons in the cardio section of the gym but they didn’t seem to notice this interaction between you and the handsome stranger at all and there didn’t seem to be some kind of maintenance going on or equipment around you that was needed, warranting the long stare you’d received from the employee.

You turned back to your machine and after looking once more over your shoulder for any other disturbance you resumed your workout, picking up the pace and settling into a jog. It wasn’t five minutes later that the man was back, this time though he was strolling the area and looking, quite obviously, anywhere but you. You felt heat rising in your cheeks and somehow more exposed than before, you almost regretted this isolated treadmill towards the back of the room.

He had passed the other patrons at this point, there was no reason for him to walk back this way any further other than to speak to you. Still you felt compelled to keep your head down, like somehow you weren’t supposed to be here. He stopped behind you once more and the hair on the back of your neck pricked to points. As you made up the courage to confront him he took the first step, walking up to the side of your machine and tapping the handle arm.

Pulling one earbud out you turned the machine down to a walk, a little annoyed at the interruption but compliant and friendly as you could be. “Yes?” He flashed you a smile and gods was he handsome, tan skin, nice white teeth, he looked like he’d stepped out of a magazine, absolutely a personal trainer, but what did he want with you?

“Hi, m’name’s Johnny. I’m a personal trainer, dinnae think I’ve seen you around before.” His voice is gruff and that accent, Scottish? Maybe. Delicious whatever it is. “I���m new, first day.” He rocked back on his heels slightly, smile never faltering. “Ahh, I see. Ken I’d never seen ye before, would’ve remembered such a pretty face.” Charming as well, you couldn’t help but avert your gaze for a moment, the intensity of his presence a little faltering. When you speak your voice is a bit higher pitched than you’d wish and he knows he’s flustered you just a little.

“Yeah. Yeah, just umm.. just started my workout actually. Didn’t get very far.” You turn to go back to the machine but he reaches out and grabs your wrist and it stops you, your eyes flick back to his baby blues. “Have ye set your goals?” One eyebrow shoots up. “My goals?” That dazzling smile is back, it’s bright, nearly blinding. “Yer workout goals, cannae start yer workout without yer goals, hen. Gotta ken where yer at and where yer goin’.”

You consider this for a moment, a little off guard before stuttering forth an answer. “I’d like to work on my cardio.” It’s a simple enough answer, and seems stupid considering that’s what you were doing before he interrupted you and you thought maybe it was enough for him to leave you be, as handsome as he was you wanted to be polite but you also wanted to get back to it.

“That’s a good start bonnie. But we need to know where yer at still. Follow me.” And then he turns away, obviously expecting you to follow him. You stop the machine and stand idly for a moment, unsure what you’ll do, you probably could just go back to walking and that’d be the end of it, and maybe that’s what you should do, but you think it’d be rude, he was being nice so far and maybe he could help you set some real goals to accomplish, he is after all a personal trainer. It would be stupid to pass up his professional help. You climb off the treadmill and walk towards him, speed walking a little to catch up.

He carts you through the gym, and it feels like you’ve walked the whole length of the building, passed through a few sets of double doors, long since stopped seeing any patrons actually exercising. Now you feel like you’re in the back rooms of the gym, maybe where you’re not supposed to be. But you still follow him, keeping track of where you’ve been and how to get out if you have to, you know, just in case.

He finally opens the door to a room and pushes you in, it’s small but furnished. A single ancient treadmill pushed into one of the corners, a few scales against the far wall, charts explaining how to find your BMI and the nutrition pyramid are tacked to the wall. He shuts the door and the room takes on a warm and stuffy quality.

He starts by measuring your height. There’s a laminated ruler all the way up one wall and he pushes you up against it, kicking your feet until your heels touch the wall. You feel the strength in his hands as they bracket your hips, controlling you with just the minute movements of his wrists, caging you closer to take “the most accurate” measurements.

His breath is in your face, warm and minty as he places a finger at the tippy top of your head to pinpoint your height. You would think he’d have some sort of chart or goal sheet to jot these numbers down but he’s typing them into his phone instead, after all everything was online these days.

When he had your height he motioned for you to step on the scale, something you were a bit hesitant to do. “Don’t be fashed, bonnie. S’all part of the process.” You step up on the scale and after he takes a careful moment to be sure it’s settled he records your weight. You think it all might be over and you can go back to your workout when he says “Open.” You stare at him for a moment, dumbfounded and he waits patiently for you to comply.

“Open?” He grips you by the chin gently and taps his thumb against your lower lip, and your breath hitches at the gentle but intrusive gesture. “Open up.” You slowly part your lips and he smiles, his pretty blue eyes staring at your lips and you’re beyond flustered, thighs shifting uncomfortably. “Wider.” You do as he says, not sure how any of this is necessary but too far gone to stop now. “Good girl.”

He rocks your head from side to side, thoroughly examining your mouth, you feel his thumb apply pressure to your plush lower lip, drawing it down and you feel the saliva in your mouth gathering uncontrollably. The weight of it dips and you're backing away so as to not drool on his hand, your lower lip plopping back in place, but not before a drop of it collects on his thumb.

He looks you, unabashedly in the eye as he lifts his thumb to his lips and pushes the digit with your drool on it into his mouth. Your eyes are as big as saucers but without skipping a beat, and without recording any kind of data on that last test? Measurement? Examination of your mouth, he moves you over onto the treadmill and starts it up. He starts at a low speed and as the tread begins to move under your feet you have no choice but to move along with it.

It’s a walk, no sweat and you look over to see him watching your hips, his eyes flick up to yours and he leans forward and ups the speed. Now you’re at a light jog and you can no longer watch him directly. You hear him walking around the treadmill, alternating between being directly behind you and off to your side. He ups the speed again until you’re full on running, arms pumping as you try to keep up with the tread, you’re breathing quite heavily, chest heaving with each breath.

He turns it up again, just a notch but it’s past your limit and you’re struggling to keep up now, the heels of your feet nearly dangling over the end of the tread, you speak in between breaths, telling him you can’t keep up, it’s too fast. “Just a little more, hen. Keep goin’.” He’s behind you, you hope he’ll catch you if you come flying off the end, and just when you thought you would he comes up and hits the emergency stop and you feel the tread’s speed dwindle beneath your feet. When it stops you stand there, heart beating triple time in your chest, your arms gripping the arm rest until he comes up and makes you place them interlaced behind your head.

He says nothing while you recover, just plugs more data into his phone and when you’re better he looks up at you with cold assessing eyes, the baby blues icing over and chilling you. But then that smile resurfaces and they melt into pools of tropical blue and he speaks.

“Alright, lass. I'll do it.” And he just stands there not explaining until you ask. “Do what?” He laughs and it’s a gorgeous sound that still manages to unnerve you. “I’ll be your personal trainer.” You have a lot of questions and are about to voice them when he pulls you out of the room and has you following him again, talking the whole while.

“We’re gonna stretch your goals a bit. “Working on your cardio” isn’t exactly gonna cut it. We will work on your cardio, because trust me lass, it needs work.” You’re slightly offended at this, but he pushes right on through without soothing it. “But we are gonna get you in shape together. Dinnae worry, Johnny’s got a whole plan mapped out for ye already.” He takes you into a little cove by the front where a bunch of people are seated and drinking smoothies. This must be the smoothie artist you read about in the brochure. He walks up to the counter, bypassing the line and orders something you can hear from the table you sat down at. He’s handed two drinks and brings them over.

Handing one to you he sits across from you and when you don’t try it right off he sets authoritative eyes on you and deadpans in a no nonsense tone. “Drink.” You bring the straw to your lips and suck, which seems to please him and the fruit mixture that floats to your tongue is sweet and refreshing. “Now I want ye to do some homework for me when ye get home tonight. Two… nah. Make it three sets of sit-ups, two sets of toe touches and ten lunges.” You look at him and know that now is the time to tell him, you guess he just didn’t know or didn’t think to ask. “Johnny.” He looks up at you, eyes alight with excitement. “Yes, hen.”

“I’m only gonna be here for two weeks. I’m doing the free trial thing.” He keeps on staring like what you’ve said hasn’t registered and after a moment he adds. “And?” You thought it was clear but it seems you’ll have to go further. “I’m not sure I’ll be committing to coming back.” This is a lie. You know you can’t afford a membership and after your two weeks are up you simply couldn’t keep coming. But this seems to not matter in the slightest as he replies. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, yeah? Til’ then three sets of sit ups, two sets of toe touches and ten lunges.”

You don’t know what to say so you just nod and he smiles and despite yourself you feel almost relieved to see it. “Good. Come in tomorrow at three and we’ll get started on yer first real workout.”

“But I don’t get off work til 4.” He smiles and knocks once on the table with his knuckles. “4:30 it is then. Don’t be late.” With that he stands and walks away, leaving you with a half finished smoothie and conflicting emotions.

Later that night after you found yourself compelled to at least finish the “homework” he’d assigned and after you’d repacked your gym bag with fresh clothes and climbed into bed, the image of him pushing his thumb into his mouth filled your head until you burned in bed like a torch. His pale blue eyes, dark hair, tan skin, all very conventionally attractive aspects of his features but there was more, a more secretive darker part of you that was drawn to the way he picked you out. Took notice of you immediately and coerced you into training under him, even after he knew you might not commit.

The burn of it became too much and you grabbed for the vibrator in your nightstand, coming at the thought of those strong arms hooked around your thighs and those pale blue eyes peering up at you from the junction of your thighs. At 4:30 the next day you found yourself in front of Baliquinox, gym bag in hand and nervous.

[teddie-bear420]

Swap Au!! I call it “cold hazbin hotel”

Emily moonstone wants to redeem sinners and get to heaven with the help of her butler lute!

Lots of doodles and ramblings under the cut,

if you have any input or jokes or questions send them to me!!

So this swap starts at the very beginning! Lucifer is a big goodie two shoes who doesn’t express his real feelings and is kinda just heavens doormat. Sera on the other hand is driven by fairness and when she sees Adam mistreating Lilith she intervenes. This gets her sent down to hell with Lilith and they start ruling hell with all the sinners. At some point both Lilith and sera stop caring about the state of hell and the sinners establish the overlords that rule territory’s and all that. Around the time that Emily is born sinners like alastor and husk are well established overlords.

Back in heaven, corruption spreads to leadership and Lucifer (as head archangel) kinda just lets it happen. He still runs the show but he doesn’t stand up for what he believes in anymore. Very weak man, thin wrists… dainty even. Adam is still the general of the Exorcist army and nobody holds any one accountable in heaven and the requirements to get into heaven are raised to in unachievable amount!

Sera and Emily are very close, they talk almost everyday, when Emily starts to grow into an adult sera kinda panics and strains the relationship (Emily’s got mommy issues). Emily’s time spent in sin city leads her to starting the hotel with the Dino chick to hinder the overpopulation in hell (jk she just really wants to see heaven)

So Emily is the heir to a stolen kingdom

Lucifer still has Charlie in heaven and she fills Emily’s role of keeping everyone happy. In this swap he shelters Charlie for any hardships or even having her work for anything, so Charlie is a nepotism baby (in the normal show Charlie went no contact with her dad and built the hotel ground up) her job is to keep everyone joyful!

Charlie is ignorant to the horrors

Vaggie and lute are a little harder to explain cuz I still have no real idea how to approach making lute a sinner cuz uhh.. she already is one. I do know I wanna keep her antennae bangs…Pink to blue….Bug motif…Transition allegory?? You decide

Lute will probably have butler butch vibes, she’s very servant like

But! I see vaggie getting to second in command and becoming a beast. The most ruthless demon slayer ever man, she fights the biggest demons she can find just for the fun of it. She still bulks up (you can take buff vaggie from my cold dead hands)!! She is assigned to protect the arch angel Charlie from quote…

“naughty individuals” -Lucifer (he means Adam)

Their dynamic is very silly, vaggie has to keep Charlie safe from things like assassins, perverts, technology and a goose. We all know that lute struck vaggie down cuz she was gay right? Well that still happens, but vaggie wins the fight (also being egged on by Adam) and ever since she’s looked for a fight so bad she ends up joining lute (warriors bond and all that)

EMILY IS A LAWYER HAHAHAHAHHA AND A BUTCH

Basically she wants to change the heaven standard the lawful way (sera was a court judge after all) think musicals like legally blond, that one Hamilton song, and the death note musical.

She and Charlie get along well enough, it does gag Emily when she finds out that Charlie doesn’t know what a minimum wage job is.

Ok so the main cast gets swapped with the over lords as you can see, the overlords I chose now look much younger, tho carmilla and Rosie are my milfs forever. Velvet is now an intern trying to get out of hell (she hates the heat) vox is now kinda just an obsessive fan boy, carmilla wants to go to heaven to see her daughters again. That Dino chick is the first guest, Emily wants to tame her inner fire (girl style)

Emily has always wanted to see the garden of Eden, so when she comes up with a way to redeem sinners she hopes to visit heaven with them! I’m gonna doodle around with her demon bits,

THATS IT FOR NOW

Will maybe post more

[scarisd3ad]

Trouble

Chapter - two (They say I did something bad, then why’s it feel so good?)

Pairing(s) - Stu Macher x fem!reader x Billy Loomis

Previous >> next

Summary - They say I did something bad, then why's it feel so good? most fun I ever had, and I'd do it over and over and over again if I could. It just felt so good, good.

(A/N) - I know it’s been almost 4 months since the first chapter was posted but I finally got myself caught up and finally got this finished!

Warnings - mentions of murder, mentions of blood, regular scream warnings, infidelity, cursing, violent language, violent situations, murder, graphic descriptions of violence and murder, blood, many character deaths.

Masterlist

Taglist

It's 9:30 Stu, Billy, and I are sitting in my kitchen dressed in our Ghostface robes. The only thing that was left was our masks, which each sat on my kitchen counter. "You ready?" Stu asks as he hands me the glistening hunting knife. We each had one just in case we ran into trouble.

It's exactly 10 pm when we see Steve's car pull up in front of Casey's house. Stu and Billy do the hard part of kidnapping Steve Orth. They drag him into my house, and duct tape him to a yard chair in my living room. I'm still scared we might get caught, that somehow either one of them will escape and we'll all go to jail.

Steve wakes up right as Stu and Billy are bickering about who's going to end up killing him. "I want to kill him; I was the one who came up with the idea to kill him," Stu whispers shouts as he crosses his arms over his chest. "Well, I came up with the entire fucking plan, so I should be the one to do it." Billy says. Steve's eyes flutter open, but the two are too engrossed in their conversation to notice. Steve's eyes flicked across the room, trying to make sense of what was going on. His eyes stopped on me first, then Stu, then Billy, holding the knife. By then, he knew he was in deep shit. He struggles, trying to pull his arms and legs out of the duct tape restraints. "Wha-what the hell's going on?!" Steve shouts. 

Billy's head cocks to the side. "We just wanna play a game, Steve," he says, his voice now modified by a voice changer that we bought at the Halloween pop-up shop. Steve's eyes furrow eyes still flicking between each one of us. "wha-what?" Billy laughs as he approaches Steve. He caresses his face with the sharp blade of his knife. Billy ignores Steve's answers and goes on the explain the rules of the 'game'. "The rules are simple: you answer our questions correctly, and your girlfriend doesn't get gutted like a fuckin' pig." the mention of Casey lights a fire inside of Steve. He struggles desperately, trying to break free. "You better not fucking hurt her! I'll fucking kill you if you touch her!" I can practically see Billy's smile through his mask as he presses the blade against Steve's neck.

Billy stood there, silent and intense, almost as if he were telepathically threatening him. Steve, oblivious to the warning, continued to fidget and threaten to kill us all if we didn't release him. Billy doesn't waste another second before slitting Steve's throat, letting him bleed out in my living room. "Well, that was boring," Stu mutters under his breath as he and Billy drag Steve's lifeless body into Casey's backyard.

-

Everything else goes according to plan. We sneak into her house using the spare key hidden under the doormat. We wait and listen as she enters the house. Then, Billy calls her, she discovers Steve's body outside on her back patio, and we chase her around. Everything goes smoothly until the very end. Stu isn't able to get to her in time. She's inches from getting away, and I can't let that happen. I run up in front of Stu and grab Casey tightly, holding her against my body before plunging the knife into her chest. She whimpers as I throw her to the ground. She looked down, crying as she watched her blood slowly begin to stain her cream-colored sweater.

I kneel to the ground, about to finish her off, when she attempts to knock the knife out of my hands. I'm quick to wrap my hand around her neck. She desperately grabbed at my hands, trying to loosen my grip as she cried. I don't give in, my hands tightening around her throat. But Casey was clever. She kneed me right in the crotch, causing me to double over in pain, and I cursed under my breath. "God dammit. Bitch!" Just when I was starting to recover, I noticed her parents arriving and Casey, despite her injuries, was making her way towards them, limping.

If I didn't act quickly, she would reach them, and we would all be caught. Luckily, the amount of pressure I had put on her neck had caused her to lose her voice, making her unable to call out to them. When I sneaked up behind her, her parents had already gone inside, giving me the perfect opportunity to finish her off. Her body feels lifeless as I push her back onto the creaking wooden porch. Despite her dwindling strength, she manages to reach up and grab my mask, slowly peeling it off my face. I don't care at this point, knowing I'm seconds away from killing her, anyway. Once my face is fully visible, the expression on her face changes. Although the life in her eyes is fading, I discern the shock, confusion, and sense of betrayal that registers in her gaze for a fleeting moment before I draw the knife back and plunge it back into her chest several times. One, two, three, four. 

The only thing that gets me to stop is Stu's hand on my shoulder. I'm panting as I turn around. "Holy shit!" Stu's mask muffles his laugh as he stares down at the carnage that I left behind. "We gotta get her up in that tree before her parents come back out," Billy says as he walks up behind Stu. I grab my mask that was still somehow clutched in her blood-splattered hands. I go back inside as they gut her and tie her up in the tree.

I'm standing in my bathroom washing the blood off of my face. I stare at myself in the mirror, looking at the woman I have become. If we got caught somehow, my life would be over. There'd be no college, no family, no house behind a picket fence. The only thing I'd know is orange jumpsuits and metal bars. Even with the pit of anxiety that sat in my stomach, it all still felt so exhilarating. The blood, the knife, the act of taking someone's life just felt so exciting. I kind of liked it in a way. The knife just felt so good in my hands, and the blood felt so good against my skin.

"Hey-" I jump, dropping the rag I was holding into the sink before spinning around on my heels. Stu stands in the doorway with a smirk on his face as I grasp at my chest. "Oh, my god Stu, you scared me!" I say as he slowly walks towards me. He's still dawning his robes, which are now blood stained. "You did good out there for that being your first kill. I'm impressed," I laugh as he wraps one arm around my waist, pulling me close to him. "You think so?" I ask shyly, as if I hadn't stabbed her 4 times in the chest. "Oh, I know so, baby," he says before pressing his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Every time I kissed him, I couldn't believe all of this was happening to me. "God, can you two get out of the way?" Billy groans as he walks into the bathroom.

We pull away to see Billy, who is now back in his street clothes. He turns the sink on before splashing water onto his face in an effort to get rid of the splattered blood off of his face. He's going to Sid's after this so he can have an alibi that wasn't us. Stu was going to stay here so I could have an alibi. It'd be suspicious if I was home alone all night while Casey Becker was getting murdered next door. He sneaks out my bedroom window and runs down the alleyway behind the houses in my neighborhood until he's far enough away to feel safe enough to walk down the sidewalk.

- 

20 minutes later, we're laying on my bed, tongues shoved into each other mouths, and my shirt thrown somewhere on the floor. I heard police sirens blaring down our street about 10 minutes ago. I just hoped they wouldn't feel the need to question us. I run my hands through his hair as his lips venture down my neck, sucking and biting at the supple flesh. I didn't mind if he left any marks, if one of the girls, or Randy ever asked, I could always come up with the excuse that I found a boyfriend. It's a dumb excuse, but the girls would be excited. They were always trying to set me up with guys from our school. They didn't want me to feel left out when they were making out with their boyfriends, on movie nights, at parties, or even just our regular lunch spot at school.

I throw my head back, giving him more access to my neck. I'm about to grind up into his body when 3 loud and sharp knocks interrupt us. I yelp before pushing Stu off of me and scattering to try to find my shirt. "Do we have to answer it? Can't we just ignore'em?" Stu asks. we already knew who it was. It was impossible for it not to be the police. "No! we'll seem more suspicious if we don't." I say as I pull my shirt over my head and begin to walk downstairs.

We already had a made-up story for what we were doing tonight, knowing they'd ask. We were just watching movies with Casey, and one other unnamed boy that would take the fall for any hickeys, or the lingering smell of sex on my body. she left at around 9:15 because her boyfriend was coming over, that was the last time we saw her. I pull the deadbolt off before unlocking and throwing the door open to see Dewey Riley. I let out a sigh of relief. Thank God it was Dewey. He'd at least be a little more lenient with me. 

I put on my "innocent act." "Hey Dewey," I furrowed my brows and asked, "What's going on?" I looked around, trying to appear confused as I stared at the cop cars and ambulances. Dewey clears his throat "Well...um, Casey Becker was murdered next door" My hand slaps over my mouth as I gasp. Tears pooled in my eyes. I could see the pity in Dewey's eyes. I was good. "We need to question you and any others that are in the house" I nod as I hear Stu begin to walk down the stairs behind me. Dewey's eyes flick up to him, brows furrowing before asking, "Stuart, what are you doing here?" Stu shrugs "Hanging out. What's going on?" I can feel Dewey's eyes settle on the big red hickey that sat on my neck. His eyes then flick up to Stu, whose hair is a mess. I can see the suspicion in his eyes. He clears his throat once again before saying, "We need you two down at the station for questioning."

-

I find myself in a dimly lit interrogation room at the police station, my leg bouncing up and down with nervous energy. Suddenly, a police officer, one I've never met before, enters the room, muttering my name before taking a seat in the chair opposite me. Officer Torres introduced himself and placed a small notepad on the table. "We have a few questions for you. Can you please tell us what you were doing at 9 o'clock tonight?" he inquired. "Um hanging out with friends," I lean back in my chair, trying to make enough eye contact to seem innocent without overdoing it and seeming guilty.

He nodded, then shifted his gaze down to his notepad, where he began to write. "Who all was there?" he asks, now raising his head to look at me again. "Um Stu, me Casey...and this guy she said he older 'n went to the community college. Oh...and Billy, he came over earlier but left to go be with his girlfriend." the officer nods before writing again. "This is Stuart Macher, Casey Becker, and Billy Loomis?" my leg bounced up and down under the table anxiously. I just hoped that Stu was at least sort of sticking to the story we came up with. "Yes, sir." I whisper. He nods, jotting down a few more notes before moving on to the next question "Um what..what exactly happened while you were hanging out? Did Casey seem scared...that something might happen to her? Did she ever mention someone threatening her in any way?" I shook my head; my heart was beating a mile a minute. One wrong move, one slip up, and they would put me away for life. "No sir. We just hung out watching movies and stuff. Casey and the college boy left at...I Dunno maybe 9:30 said her boyfriend was coming over."

I look up at the clock that hangs directly behind the officer. 11 pm. God, I just wished this could all be over with. "What about this other boy? Do you know his name?" he asks. I shake my head. We couldn't give him a name. There was always a possibility this made-up man somehow had an identical real-life counterpart we didn't know about, and our entire plan would be in shambles. "Did they both go back to her house?" I shake my head once again "No..um, I watched him drive off. Something about a house party in the town over" he nods, jotting down a few more notes. "What about Billy Loomis? What time did he leave?" 

The relentless stream of questions felt never-ending. "What did you do after?" "Did you hear anything?" "Are you sure you didn't hear anything?" "Where's your brother tonight?" I just hoped I didn't look too suspicious and that all of my answers seemed true. I didn't get back out into the lobby until 11:30. Stu still wasn't done. I just hoped he didn't do something stupid.

I'm sat by Dewey's desk while he files out some type of paperwork. "Are you going to tell my parents?" I whisper, hoping he wouldn't, but knowing deep down he would because of legality. "Have to since we questioned you. You're a minor." I turned 18 at the end of next month. Did he have to tell them? They'd kill me if they knew I had boys over. "Do you have to tell them about the boys being over? They'll kill me if they knew?" he sighs, looking up at me before saying, "I'll see what I can do."

I stare down at my hands, I'm terrified that the police officer had seen right through me and knew exactly what I did. That I had killed her, and it felt so good. Deep down I hate myself for liking it so much. Tears pool in my eyes as the emotion and realization of what I had done set in. Tears streamed down my face as I desperately tried to wipe them away. "Hey, hey what's wrong?" Dewey asks, as he sets his hand on my shoulder. "I-I just can't believe she's dead!" I sobbed as I wiped at my cheeks. "If I had heard something..." I stop to let a few more tears fall down my cheeks "I could've helped her." 

- 

After Stu finishes his interrogation, Dewey gives us a ride back to my house in his police car. The entire block is still bathed in the eerie glow of the red and blue police lights. The Becker residence is cordoned off with bright yellow crime scene tape, and her parents are standing on the sidewalk, sobbing as they speak with the chief of police. "You sure you wanna stay here? Can take you back to my parent's place? Tatum wouldn't say no to a sleepover." Dewey proposed. I shake my head, mumbling a quiet "no" as I open up the car door. "You need a ride home, Mácher?" Stu also shakes his head as he begins to follow me, sliding out of the cop car. "Nah, my car's here," he says before slamming the door. "Alright, you two stay safe, alright?" Dewey says as he rolls down his window. I nodded, waving goodbye as I walked up the pathway to my house.

Dewey stays parked outside my house as we walk back inside, probably waiting to make sure Stu leaves. "Just drive around the block once. Make sure he's not following you before you come back. Alright?" I say as I close the door. Stu nods as he grabs his car keys off the table that sat in the entryway. "I'll be back. Don't miss me too much," he says with a stupid grin on his lips as he leaves out the front door. As I walk upstairs to my room, all I can think about is what I've become, how much I liked that knife in my hands, and how much I anticipated the next time it'd be in them again.

Taglist

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[moreespressoformydepresso]

What are your honest thoughts on all Descendants boys? From both books and movies?

Oehh that’s a good question! I’ll base most of this off of the movies because I remember them more clearly. Sorry this is so late, I needed some time to sort out my thoughts. Let’s see:

Ben: cutie, golden retriever energy, needs to grow a bit more of a spine but as a recovering doormat I vibe with him.

He’s got a good heart, and he’s definitely going places, but I have no idea who decided a 16-year-old should be king. Hilariously, he’s a better king than his dad because he cares about all of his people, not just the “heroes”. But still, he’s 16, let him have his dumbass teenage years. He’s still in his phase of wanting to please everyone and that isn’t gonna lead to the best decision making. You’re king, Ben, you can overrule your girlfriend’s selfish idiotic plan of closing the barrier. Just tell her “the barrier was opened for you to come through too. If those kids aren’t worth the risk, does that mean you aren’t either? Should we throw you back?!” And she’s change her tune real fast. You gotta give some tough love sometimes.

Jay: cool, I wanna know his gym routine, pretty funny but rash, needs Carlos to temper his brand of crazy (love their bromance).

I love the narrative parallels to the movie Aladdin. Jafar thought himself so far above a street rat and now he’s raised his son to be one so he can continue being a con-man. In the movies, Jay is actually a very accurate representation of your upbringing shaping you into who you are. All Jay knows is stealing, he’s never been taught to pay if he doesn’t have to, so to him stealing’s perfectly fine. It’s normal. It’s a lot more subtle than the whole “who doesn’t like being evil” bit, but the core idea is the same: when all you’ve ever known is one perspective, that’s gonna feel like the objective truth because you’ve never had a chance to try a different one.

Carlos De Vil: Best (movie) Boy, my baby, I love him. What a little nerd (affectionate).

He’s a big part of why I willfully ignore the absolute stupidity that is the third movie’s ending. I’m sorry Mal, wtf is wrong with you??? You set your supposed friend’s abuser free for nothing but some empty platitudes and dare suggest you’ve become an empathetic person?!?! In the books, we get a lot more insight into just how horrible of a mother Cruella is, but even in the movies we see he’s had it bad because of how jumpy and nervous he is. Disney is still Disney so we don’t get much of the healing process, but we see how he calms down and adjusts to a normal life over the course of the movies when he’s out of the bad situation, which is pretty good by Disney standards. Cameron Boyce did an amazing job playing him (R.I.P Cameron) and seeing an abuse victim get comfortable within their own skin and getting the happy ending they deserve is always fun.

Harry Hook: Insane (affectionate), most fashionable drama queen ever, absolutely crazy, more than a few screws loose but in the best way possible, he’s hilarious.

So on the surface, Harry’s pretty simple. A dude who’s lost his marbles and flirts with everyone. He probably has some kind of moral compass, since he didn’t rip Mal’s throat out with his hook when she revealed her little stunt in D3, but it fell overboard at some point and couldn’t be found so nobody knows what it is except Harry himself. Also, he has his sane moments, like during that same confrontation in D3 I mentioned before where he says “And you, King Benny... you're probably gonna throw us all back inside.” It’s the first time I’ve heard him sound… not like Harry. It’s sombre and defeated, a little disappointed maybe? Either way it’s really good acting and it implies he can act completely “normal” but he just chooses not to, which makes me like him even more. He’s just a dude living his best life despite the circumstances he was born into.

Gil: adorable, hilarious, kinda clueless but in a good way.

I love characters that have no idea what’s going on half the time but are absolute sweethearts trying their best. He’s like- the opposite of his dad in every way and I’m living for it!

Gaston Jr and Gaston the third: I don’t have much to say on them, let alone separately, so they get a section together.

Honestly? I don’t remember having an opinion of them. They made Evie happy by wresting, which is cool so they get points for that. Seem like they’re trying to out-gentleman each other to win Evie’s heart and since they’re not being creepy assholes about it they are objectively better than their dad. Very much brawl over brains, the two of them, with their constant wrestling reminding me of Carlos and Jay except they’re both the muscle. Kinda cute sibling relationship, even if it’s in a VK-typical villain-flavored way.

Anthony Tremaine: squeeeee, my type is pretty boys who sigh in annoyance at everything, I guess? We only get scraps but I happily cradle them to my chest.

Uhmmm so Anthony’s personality is mostly up for imagination? The only canon information we have is that he’s most likely Anastasia’s only kid (someone on Tumblr pointed out that, in the scene with the wicked step-daughters, he’s referred to only as their cousin, not their brother) and he’s very bored with his cousins’ antics. Given A Twist In Time the potential drama is endless. Every time Anthony’s mentioned we’re reminded he’s pretty and has good style, and I love that for him. Dude lives on an isle of junk and still looks like a supermodel. Lots of room for my own ideas while still remaining within the realm of “could be canon” with just enough base in there that I’m not just creating an OC, and as a writer and artist that’s all I need tbh.

Hadie: cute, deserves better, I need more of him and Mal bonding

Mal’s half-brother, son of Hades, very cool. I like that he’s trying to turn good and having a hard time, because that’s very realistic for someone who grew up not knowing anything other than evil. Descendants 2 tried to tackle it with Mal, but failed miserably. We know Hades sucks as a parent in descendants (neglect is abuse) so that’s not gonna help him.

Dough: Awww he’s so cute with Evie 🥺

No really that’s it. He’s a nerd that gets the girl, has some very funny moments, but honestly most of his character is centered around Evie? And they’re cute together it’s not a bad thing but there isn’t much to analyze. He’s understandably pissed about someone like Chad getting all the girls while using them, but that’s also only ever seen in relation to Evie.

Chad Charming: what a bitch (derogatory), total coward, I hate him but he’s funny.

So I have no issue with characters who conduct themselves terribly (I love Audrey, (fanon) Anthony, Uma, and many others from many fandoms) if, and that’s a massive IF, they have a good reason for it. And I’ll count “because I can and I want to” as a good reason, because by that point you have someone who’s mean and owns it. I can appreciate the self-awareness and usually those characters are very extra so it’s entertaining. If not that, there needs to be a reason they are the way they are. Audrey has the pressure from her grandmother (and the borderline verbal abuse), Uma has the very real grievance of living in squalor on a run-down island full of the worst of humanity because she was born, what does Chad have? He’s spoiled. A spoiled brat. And he goes from that to an overtly whimpering coward with none of the pretense of superiority in any field. His one saving grace is that he’s a massive joke.

Diego De Vil, Clay Clayton, Gonzo, Jace and Harry Badun, Herkie, Aziz, Jonas, Lefou Deux, Li Shang Jr, everyone else I missed: no opinion, because they’re not relevant enough for the writers to give them a personality.

I have nothing I’m sorry. I barely remember reading their names and I don’t remember anything from the scenes they’re (mentioned) in to get an idea of what to talk about here.

That was… a lot lmao

[starlit-dreaming]

[idea] the spiteful fake dating au

inspo from this post [click here]

obligatory tag (im an attention whore and therefore i summon thee): @lithi @hwang-lucas

tl;dr if you dont wanna click on the link:

"i know we could half-ass it, but i would never fake mistreat my fake husband, how dare you" which reads like athy to me

and

"my baby cousins are probably screwed when it comes to their chances of turning out normal, but I’d like them to have one healthy example in their life" which can pass as a caring uncle lucas

.

the setting and my Vision:

modern au, lucathy are probably mid-20s or early 30s im thinking??? maybe kinda like the ons/fwb au where athy's like. 28 and lucas is gonna be 30

so as the lines i've quoted state, lucas is gonna be a caring uncle whose brothers have shit show marriages. a train wreck and not gonna be healthy at all (oldest has a falling apart 15 year marriage and kids were their solution of slapping tape on the problems; youngest has a hateful wife and is a doormat probably; i need a reminder on whether or not lucas is the youngest but im gonna treat him as the middle bro atm cause its the Vibes).

and yeah, he wants Nothing^tm to do with his family, but his nieces and nephews deserve to see a healthy relationship to have as an example and damn does he hate his in-laws more than his actual family

so he asks athy to be his fake wife

(i feel like it'd be funny if they signed a marriage certificate just in case lucas deals with paranoid family (when really he's just paranoid and athy's an overthinker who HELPED him get paranoid at the thought), then they got drunk, and accidentally submitted the paperwork and just straight up forgot

"wdym you guys ACTUALLY filed the paperwork?????????" -- helena probs

"oh shit does that mean we got married fr???" -- athy, before the panic settles in

it becomes an inside joke among their friends after the panic of it wears off because now they're pretty much committed to the bit for the sake of lucas' nieces and nephews so now there are jokes about "where's your wife/husband" and "" etc etc)

athy's gonna constantly overthink it (and desperately trying to avoid ever mentioning it to her parents because her mom would be so disappointed that there wasnt a wedding and claude might kill lucas if he makes athy cry)

plus she's 100% gonna be ready to fite lucas's shitty relatives if they say something bad about him

side note: diana 100% thinks that lucas is athy's long-time bf so she's always joking with claude that lucas is finally gonna drop down on one knee any day now and claude, being a super big grump, is just "at least its not that alpheus kid"

little do they know that lucas became a legit in-law (although they still invite him for family dinners, and when its mentioned that athy's parents treat him as family, lucas's parents and grandparents take that as a CHALLENGE)

athy being petty by having a sickeningly sweet relationship and talking about how wonderful lucas is as a husband and partner because of how much she just straight up hates one of the sister in-laws

i'm self-indulgent, so i'm gonna have the classic "my sister in-law tried to sleep with my husband" stories

also idk if its just me but when it comes to fake dating aus (which i'm a SUCKER for) i think its a++++++++ when one of them casually goes "yknow if we were actually doing this for realsies, we'd probably be making out in a closet rn" and the other person sweating cause that sounds infinitely better than what they're doing rn

ALSO

the casual "oh yeah athy's crazy about that kinda shit" or "lucas would absolutely hate that lmao" and just FLEXING on everyone about how good of a partner they are to the other

and lucas, who originally suggested that they don't have to do any lovey-dovey stuff and that they can just be the same as always, ends up getting a fuming athy who more or less goes "my REPUTATION would be at stake if people found out that we broke up just because i wasn't being a loving and caring partner, so hell no!!!!!"

aksulifdfhbjdkshf i'm running on like,,,,,,, 5 hours of sleep and havent slept in like,,,,, 17 hours now

so i'm just gonna leave this unedited all-over-the-place mess here

[descendantofthesparrow]

Brutally honest thoughts on each character?

...*Each* character???? bruh thats so many, okay ill keep this short cuz im waiting for a haircut rn

well start with the vks cuz thats easy

Mal-started off strong and then just became...THE WORST, love hate relationship for her. shes my art block fix but also i hate her

Jay-i dont have strong opinions on him, he actually never stuck out to me other than 'obligatory jock dude of the friend group.' i wish i liked him more but im more attached to his fandom self over canon Jay

Evie-got boring after D1, i wish they let her keep her chemistry stuff, love her vibe but shes kinda boring to me. SHOULD'VE BEEN THE MC OVER MAL!!

Carlos- lots of lost potential with his tech stuff from the first book and movie. easily could've been an engineer or inventor but they just made him an animal lover and i got bored of that real quick.

Uma-my queen, my idol, can do no wrong i love her so much i WILL kill for her.

Harry-i love his dumbass so much YALL DONY EVEN KNOW I WANNA BITE HIM SO BAD

Gil-one of the few characters i felt actually...grew up? idk but hes one of the few characters were it actually feels like time passed for.

Dizzy-oooooooh honey, honey honey, sunshine baby, please, put the glue gun down.

Celia- they should've gone with her trailer persona. Her outfits are so bad and i wish she got better writing and designs, so much lost potential, also she should've been Jays pick.

Smee twins- why the fuck are they even here they had one line and no significance. also they should've had a Harry scene.

Aks

Ben-puppy boy, deserved to have doberman energy. got turned into a doormat by the writers and is unfairly hated.

Audrey-bitch queen, shes not a nice person and thats okay~ girlboss.

Chad- should've been the D3 villan they had that all set up in D2 with his weird ass attitude over Ben getting kidnapped on the isle.

Doug -....honestly gives me the ick, especially in D3, i HATE the long hair his actor had/has. gold is NOT his color and neither is pastel purple or green. he looked good in D1 but ICK for 2 and 3.

Jane- bby gurl, blue bird sweetheart. yeah she did some fucked up shit in D1 but she was an insecure 14 year old girl who got manipulated by Mal and other aks!!!

Lonnie- deserved so much better, shes Chinese why is she getting Japanese style stuff?!?! her plot in D2 didnt even do anything it just happened and no one cared and Jay just shoved his problems of girls playing roar onto her.

Beast- *inhale* i wanna kick his ass, and i could, lemme at him. how dare he force an entire kingdom on Ben at 16 when he didnt become king when he was 28(when he married Belle)

Belle- they took away her backbone, shes not Disney princess book worm and independent Belle. she just, lost the spark

FG- they turned her into a preschool teacher, GIVE ME MY OL COOKY FAIRY LADY BACK

Leah- *seething rage*

vk parents

Maleficent- fuckin love her, shes such a manipulative bitch and feels like a gone crazy version of a Maleficent made for kids. def not the mistress of all Evil but i love her nonetheless

EQ- shouldve been the head villain, SHE WAS THE FIRST DISNEY VILLAIN CMON! def not the same character from the animated movie but shes dramatic and sassy and i adore her.

Jafar- haha funny characature~ i wish he was more menacing like he had been. Jafar is not one of my fav villains so descendants jafar didnt exactly translate for me well.

Cruella- yeah they nailed her, no complaints about her. good design, good dialogue, good acting.

Hades- LEMME KICK HIS DEAD BEAT ASS, fucking 'daddy issues made you stronger' my butt. i hate his hair and honestly he doesnt fit the washed up punk design, he didnt deserve the speech at the end and didnt deserve to be forgiven by Mal.

Ursula- we only saw her tentacle and one line but she seemed spot on so yeah

Lady Tremaine- why the fuck was she nice in D3??? bitch is the EVIL stepmother.

Smee- spot on, i have words for his sons designs becuaee hes old not naturally white haired but hes chill, makes sense hed be a good parent, he never felt evil to me, just compliant

Facilier- such a vibe, his actor got him spot on, would've changed up his suit design but hes chill and i can see him being a family man(ignoring wicked world).

[fairytsuk1]

streamer!au

being tomura's assistant was... hard.

what started out as some kid sitting in a dimly-lit beige room transformed into joining orgs, e-sports, drinking too much, and giving you a non-stop headache.

@tomraki: dream is fucking ugly lol

another headache. your jaw drops as the retweets begin to grow and the quote retweets threaten to drop your dear streamer's address or beloved ... well, anything. dream stans were ruthless.

"tomura!! you cannot, under any circumstances, say something like that!" he eyed you lazily before surfing through his files, saving fanart and writing down stream ideas.

"i'm not allowed to say the truth?"

"no! you aren't! you're getting devoured and what are you going to do if your org retaliates against you? we already had an issue with your gambling and then Twitch banned it and then you made a statement! again!"

he sighs drearily, "they banned my fucking revenue, i'm allowed to make a fuss about it. and aren't you supposed to support my every move?"

the way his eyes pierced you, and the slow creeping grin etched on his face grew every second. he was right, he was your boss.

but you weren't some doormat. you were shigaraki tomura's assistant for god's sake! you always retaliated.

"right, of course. that's why i scheduled a minecraft manhunt with you and him together for next week! so maybe you can tell it to his face next time."

"you didn't."

bouncy steps flee out the room before he can exact his wrath, "have fun!"

"FUCK!"

... oddly enough, he could be sweet. you'd seen him with fans too young to be watching him; he didn't go goo-goo eyed but he held a softness because he too was once a watcher of his favorite creators.

the circle of life, you guessed.

"are you having fun?" somehow, shigaraki had been lumped in with some of the more American streamers when he travelled from his cozy Japan studio to sunny California.

"no." "well, i know you like that whiskey sour." "it's mid. americans can't do anything right."

you shrug, that's enough of that. you lean against the wall while sitting next to him. he has a bit of a flush, but he needed this considering he saw StickyTape (Sero, an unfunny and bad gamer in his opinion) walk in. he knew people would be gunning for him to interact, post selfies, play happy streamer...

and his eyes wandered over to you again. god, could he quit it?

"you look nice." "do i? i wore my best skirt! figured i'd be seeing lots of famous people and networking for you, had to give em' something to look at."

the whiskey sour's in his veins now, and he decides to give up on filtering.

"your face is good enough." "what?"

are you that stupid? did you not hear what he just said?

tomura was no stranger to flirting with you, he liked to tease that eventually you two would fuck and that you'd be whining about wanting to be his and only his. and maybe you sometimes felt special knowing that you were backstage because he demanded you be there, not because it was just your job. and a long time ago, on a night he was falling in your arms due to the alcohol buzzing through his system that he whispered ...

"you're the worst assistant ever." "why?" "because you'll never love me the way i want."

what was appropriate to say? he snored into his pillow as you tenderly took off his shoes. obviously, he wasn't getting as many girls as he claimed if he couldn't see the love woven into every interaction with him

"my head hurts." "wanna go home? karl jacobs is looking our way, maybe it's best to get going anyways." "jesus, yeah let's go."

and just like that, the two of you left hand in hand.

@tomraki: how do you confess your love to someone?

@rakistanz: just tell her!

shigaraki (work): i love you

[rustboxstarr]

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧Dad!Eddie headcons 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

Pairings: Dad!Eddie Munson x Mom!Reader

Characters: Ophelia - oldest, Matt - Ophelia's boyfriend, Roxette - Youngest, Mindy - Roxette's girlfriend

Warnings: touch of angst about Eddie thinking he'll be a bad dad, fainting, cigarettes

A/N: Got the idea for the last one and had to make a whole post :)

Love yas!

Check out my other works!

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧Eddie was scared shitless when he first heard you were pregnant, he was so scared that he would end up like his deadbeat dad and managed to convince himself exactly that, he was about to bolt until Wayne knocked some sense into him.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧Eddie was a fuckin paparazzi in the hospital when Ophelia came, he was filming you asking how you felt and how long you’d been in labour, so exited… and then face planted on the floor after seeing Ophi’s little head, the mf fkn fainted. Once the delivery was over and Eddie was up on his feet again he was filming you holding Ophelia once all the nurses had left until you asked him to give you the camera and pointed it at him “So Eddie ya wanna tell us what happened during the delivery?” you said grinning, Eddie gets all embarrassed and mumbles “I fainted…”

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧When Ophelia and Roxette were younger he liked to play melodies for them on the guitar, until one day Ophelia told him to shut up and admit she was better than him. He still likes to play for them from time to time but that was the cutest thing he had ever heard his daughter say, even though part of him wasn’t completely chuffed that the four year old had learned the phrase shut up.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧Ophelia came home at 15 with a boyfriend in tow, begging both of you to not be embarrassing but the second Matt tiptoed through the door nervously behind Ophi Eddie stepped up to stop the from walking pst the doormat “So Matt was it?” Eddie squared his shoulders staring down at the boy “Ophelias little boyfriend then” “Uh yes- yes sir” Matt mumbled looking down at the floor. Just as Eddie was about to ask what Matts intentions were with his daughter you push him away with a cock of your hip, him stumbling off to the side as you start “Ignore him, he thinks he’s something, Hiiiiii! It’s lovely to meet you!” bringing him in for a hug.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧The first thing Eddie said when Roxy blurted out that she was gay at the kitchen table was “Well at least you can’t get pregnant, can’t say that for you” he squinted at Ophelia as he pointed his fork. “Eddie your daughter just said she was gay..” you widen your eyes at him silently telling him to tell her it’s ok or at least something “Oh right, Roxette” he leaned towards her seriously “you think I’m stupid?” she frowned confused “No shit! You do realize we all know Mindy is your girlfriend right? Just because you’re both girls doesn’t mean that amount of giggling and touching is normal” he grinned.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧Eddie started to realize Ophelia has been stealing his cigarettes, and instead of telling her off right away he waits a few months, counts each one she’s taken, adds up the price and goes into her room one day with a makeshift bill. “What is this?” she asks “This my sweet little thief is the money you owe me for stealing my cigarettes since may”

[sillylittlelemon]

hello :3 i saw in your requesting rules that u do character matchups so i wanna request for one in saiki kusuo no psi nan fandom!!

im 17, she/her, im bisexual (although the matchup can be platonic if u want!!), my mbti is istp-t, im kinda introverted and shy but i can be talkative when im around the right people. im more of a listener. i have social anxiety so i prefer to stay quiet most of the time. i like making people happy so i try to do everything i can to make someone as comfortable as they can get but that usually turns me into doormat 😭 uhmm for hobbies i love to read mangas/novels and watch animes. i dislike public spaces and being forced to socialize? sorry idk what else to say 😭😭😭

You're all good Anon ❤️🫂🫂

This is my first matchup so it'll be a learning curve- so basically just have patience with me lol

I can honestly really see you being in a relationship with Saiki, it would obviously be a slow burn but i feel like with the characteristics you listed+Saiki's abilities it would be highly likely.

For example: after being 'sort of friends' for a bit Saiki would start stepping in if you let yourself be walked over. He would be subconciously keeping track of your thoughts and when he realizes what youre saying isnt matching with your feelings when youre agreeing to plans that dont actually want to go to Saiki would step in and be like 'did you forget that we're (insert random plan)' to give you a chance to 'politely' decline without feeling bad (he doesnt actually make you hold up to your fake plans) (unless you want to). And after a few instances of this you start to catch on that he's geniunly sticking up for you.

Im in a rush right now and i KNOW i'll forget about this later (because tbh i already forgot about it once) so if you want more in-depth headcannons you can request? Somethin' like 'hey im the anon from the saiki matchup, i was wondering if you could expand on your thoughts' or smth i dunno sorry i get really formal when im confused/nervous (and also angry but i promise im not angry lol)

N-E-ways, love you Anon and thank you for the request, they always brighten my day ❤️❤️❤️🫂🫂🫂

A/n: Reblogs are always appreciated but mever required ❤️

[rwac96]

Tolerance (Dragon Ball x RWBY Crossover)

*Pyrrha Nikos groaned, as she temporarily removed her circlet to wipe the sweat from her brow, while Shallot was gorging himself on the roasted meat of animals; as the pair were out camping*

Pyrrha: *annoyed* "Could you not eat like that?"

Shallot: *mouthful* "Emmf hmmf hmmph (Eat like what)?"

Pyrrha: *rolls her eyes* "Nevermind." *places her circlet back on*

Shallot: *blinks, swallowing his food* "Okay, I get the feeling that ya don't like me much."

Pyrrha: "Well, your demeanor is less to be desired, you idolize an arrogant, prideful, and racist war criminal, and don't get me started on your relationship with Weiss."

Shallot: *irritated* "Okay, one, it's not that bad! Two, Vegeta has reasons! Three, I could say the same about your weird relationship with your leader."

Pyrrha: *exhales* "We at least love one another, more than I could say about you and Weiss' tryst."

Shallot: *squints* "So...a fancy way of saying fuckbuddies? Wow, and I thought Weiss was judgy."

Pyrrha: *raises an eyebrow* "Maybe..."

Shallot: *scoffs* "Wanna hear what I think of you since you started this? You're a coward! And I don't mean as a fighter, I mean as someone who just constantly apologizes for shit that's not worth apologizin' for!"

Pyrrha: *turns to Shallot* "It's called being polite--!"

Shallot: "There's bein' polite, and then there's bein' a doormat! That's what you are, lady! The 'Invincible Girl', ha! What a laugh! It's easy to beat the hell outta people who use weapons all the time. Nobody's invincible, not you....or me."

Pyrrha: *furrows her brow once more* "I know that. Cinder gave me that grim reminder." *caresses the scar on her chest* "I suppose it's the pressure of being placed upon a pedestal."

Shallot: *blinks, picking up a roasted deer leg* "Duh, Miss Cereal Mascot." *takes a large bite out of the leg*

Pyrrha: "Though, I've learned to handle the pressure, while you're trying to set yourself up as a 'redeemer'."

Shallot: *stops eating* "Excuse me?"

Pyrrha: "Gohan told me about your situation, and you're trying to make up for the sins of your kin."

*The two fighters sat there silent, while Shallot chows down on his meal*

Pyrrha: "So, what if we don't hate each other as much as we used to?"

Shallot: *blinks* "You sayin' you've actually grown fond of me?"

Pyrrha: *exhales* "Don't push it. I just... tolerate you now."

Shallot: *shrugs* "I guess...I tolerate ya, too."

[walder-138]

Hey Pooks! ♥️ Here for the funny ask game for any of your OCs!

��� - “who are they on a road trip?”

🧃- “do they drink apple juice? (That’s not a metaphor for anything i just mean normal Apple juice)”

🫵 - “IF you met them IRL what would you do? what do they say to you?”

🏛️- “they’ve suddenly become President of the moon. What do they do?”

Heyo pookie bear! It’s nice to see you again!!!!

(🚗) Oz is the driver. Hands down, no doubts about it. He would double check to make sure everyone has gone to the bathroom, and he will NOT stop the car until they get to a rest stop. He doesn’t wanna hear about how tired or hungry or how much you need to piss, he will not stop the car once he gets to the highway.

If you have snacks, you best believe Oz’s gonna do that hand-bowl thing at you. Chances are he did pay for it, AND he’s paying for gas, and he’s driving the car… yeah, give him a handful or two. Or three. Or four. Or all of it. Would also ask for a sip of your drink, then precede to drink half of it.

Abbey is the substitute driver and overpacks for the road-trip. It’s like she expects that the car will crash, someone to get shot, a bridge to collapse, and the police to start chasing them. She shoves so much shit into the car for an 8-hour trip that they can barely fit any people in it. Abbey would definitely the most responsible person in the car, and would make sure the driver rests when necessary.

You would never get bored in a car ride with Abbey. She’s got everything. If you complained, she’d hand you a kaleidoscope. If you were hungry, she’d give you a bag of chips. Abbey will play rock paper scissors with you. She wants everyone to have a good trip, and somebody being in a mood’s gonna fuck that up.

Annika starts genuinely tweaking after about an hour on the road. After the realization hits that she’s gonna have to stay still for 8 hours, the moment she starts acting up. Annika would torture everyone in the car for no reason other than boredom. The driver would kick her out or put her in the trunk.

You better hope you aren’t sitting next to her or she’s gonna put a wad of chewing gum in your hair. Better yet, get her a book or to distract her for about 15 minutes as you pray to whatever God/s you believe in that she falls asleep.

(🧃)

Oz: “I’m not fucking five years old.”

Abbey: “I love apple juice.”

Annika: “Am I allowed ferment it?”

“No? Well fuck you too then.” (yes)

(🫵)

Okay, if I saw a motherfucker that looked like him and was named Oswald walking down the pavement, I’d deadass cross the street. I don’t care how many cars are coming, I’d do anything to get as far away from him as possible. Even if we didn’t know each other, I’d still walk away from him. Oz is too unsettling.

“So ya like to play God, huh? Fuck around with mine, and everyone else’s lives? I can’t believe I let sum goddamned teenager drive my life like this. Well, guess it’s time for me to cut your story short. Was gonna have a boring ending anyway.” 😳 (I’m so dead) (the shit I put him through) (I think he had it worse than the other two)

I’d get along pretty well with Abbey. She’s nice, and tries to give everyone a chance. Even if I’m the reason for every bad thing in her life. I’d go on awhile, thinking that she doesn’t know who I am, until she’d grab me by the shoulders and stare into my eyes.

“You treat us as if we’re not real. As if we’re just figments of your imagination. Yet here I am now, skin, blood, and bones. I’m still here, you have not, and will not change. Our suffering is entertainment for you, and you call yourself a good person? You say you love us? If this is your love, then I’m happy I don’t know you well enough to see your hate.” (she grew up in a cult, so knows how to make people existential .) (she wouldn’t hurt me, but she will keep me up at night.) (She doesn’t like hurting people, but she doesn’t like being a doormat) (She’s usually such a sweetheart why-)

Same thing with Oz, I’d cross the street if I saw Annika. I could tell there was something off about her from that look in her eyes. That barely noticeable tremor and the thousand yard stare. Annika is a erratic, unstable, and unpredictable individual, I’d probably call 911 on her ass.

“You should have given me a redeeming quality. Something that I’ll see in your eyes that will make me not want to kill you, or some other peachy bullshit like that. You’re a writer, you should have consider these things! Dumbass!”

(🏛️) (💀)

Oz would immediately invest in anti aircraft weaponry as he knows the United States would be after his ass in about 2 days.

Abbey would probably end up selling the moon for money.

Annika would burrow underneath the surface of the moon as she believes somebody is going to try and assassinate her.

Thank you again for the ask!

[ambrossart]

After chapter 31 I wonder why Henry's mother didn't take him with her, she was going to leave and said she would come back for him. Did she really have that intention or didn't, it's hard to know, maybe she never went because she had to. very afraid of Oscar and apparently Oscar even though he hit her didn't want her to leave. Probably if she had come back for Henry she would have come out much worse than that, but why not take him along with her, maybe Henry reminded her of Oscar and when she saw that she had a son with him, in some way it may have made her hate her own son when she saw his face and remembered everything that happened to her, surely her mother would not be healthy with her mental health either, after receiving all that abuse, she would have traumas or after-effects, it's not like she can act great as a mother and after leaving act like nothing happened, well she even tried to tell me when this happens (it really makes me curious

😅) Relationship or divorce problems: Relationship conflicts, separation or divorce can generate emotional tensions that make it difficult to care for children. In some cases, a mother may choose to abandon her children as a way to escape a toxic or problematic relationship.

Henry’s parents have their own tragic backstory that I think will be fully fleshed out as the story progresses (or at least that’s the plan, anyway), so there’s a lot I can’t say because I don’t wanna spoil anything, but I can say this:

Considering that Carolyn (Henry’s mom) didn’t pack a bag or anything, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that she wasn’t planning on leaving that night. Or at all, honestly. Carolyn loves her family. She loves her son. She loves her husband. If she left, it was because she was in genuine fear for her life.

Things got really bad after Henry’s last checkup. Maggie Tozier feels partially to blame for this, which is why Maggie has had such conflicted feelings about Henry’s relationship with her daughter. She’s known about their relationship for years, but she’s forced herself to turn a blind eye to it. Why? It’s not because Maggie’s a pushover. Maggie Tozier is no doormat. It’s just really hard for her to be tough on this kid when she knows she’s partly responsible for his situation.

So anyway, returning to Carolyn now, when I picture her on that night, I picture her sitting behind the wheel of the family pickup. She’s stopped at an empty intersection. Her car is the only car on the road. And she’s watching the traffic light slowly change from green to yellow to red. Her groceries are sitting on the seat beside her. She picked up a special treat for Henry, a dessert she knows he likes. Her husband will probably get mad at her for spending the extra money, but whatever, Henry deserves something sweet every once in a while.

And then she notices the bus station and it just hits her like lightning:

This is her chance.

This is her only chance.

If she doesn’t leave now, she’ll never leave.

She’ll die there. In Derry. In that horrible house.

Carolyn doesn’t wanna die.

So she buys a bus ticket and leaves everything behind, including her son.

I think Carolyn always planned to go back for Henry at some point, when it was safe for her to do so, but that’s a lot easier said than done.

Once you escape Derry, it’s almost impossible to go back.

[unhinged-summer-fun]

to love and to cherish

part 1 of Don't Call Me Wifey series [series masterlist]

Written for Danktober 2022 Day 6: Lingerie/stripping, bouquet, National Plus Size Appreciation Day!

Frankie Morales x F!Reader (22+ only)

Summary: It's your wedding night. You won't let your fears get in your way of having your husband.

Warnings: mild insecurity, sexual elements (literally look at the fucking prompts), Frankie Morales is a Good Husband

Word Count: 1695

[full danktober list here]

"Mrs. Morales, we are home." Frankie hadn't lost the grin on his face for even a moment after you'd slid his wedding ring on his finger. Ridiculously, he also hadn't stopped calling you Mrs. Morales since. You didn't it mind much at all, since you felt much the same as him. Marriage and happiness looked good on him, and of all the credit you could have taken, the was the one you wanted most was seeing him happy.

("Just don't call me wifey," you said all those months ago, rolling your eyes and fighting a smile.)

Your house looked the same as it did yesterday, with a few more balloons and mylar streamers. You'd deal with the cleanup later, you decided. For now, you were more interested in getting your wedding night started.

"Let's go inside." You tried your best to sound sultry, but you could hear an undercurrent of a horny whine, broadcasting your want to your husband clear as day. Frankie never, ever faulted you for that, there was no reason to tease when he was twice as bad as you.

As you walked up the path toward the door, Frankie came running around the side of the car. "Wait!!" he called, halting you.

"What's wrong?" you asked, taking his hand when he offers it.

"It's... it's kinda cheesy," he said, smiling at his shoes and gathering confidence. "I wanna carry you across the threshold."

Your face showed your worry. Frankie had a few lingering back issues from his days in the service, and you weren't the kind of girl who let anyone pick her up for fear of embarrassment. It had made for a lot of long nights talking about self-image and support, huge hugs that lasted hours and an unfathomable amount of time spent dismantling the rotted frame of your self-esteem to let flowers bloom where self-love took root. Frankie knew your reasons for being hesitant, and he must have thought about this long before voicing his desire, because he kept going.

"If you don't want to do it because it's going to make you unhappy and upset, I don't want to do it. But if you don't want to do it because you think I can't carry my wife anywhere she needs me to, then that's not a good enough reason for me."

You laughed and breathed out slowly, smiling and rolling your eyes. Your worries left in a soft sigh of surrender. "Only from the doormat to the front room," you said at last, conceding. He whooped and jumped once in place before running to unlock the door and swing it open for him.

On the porch, he waited with his arms open wide. "Your chariot awaits, Mrs. Morales."

"Is this you offering me a free ride, Mr. Morales?" you asked cheekily. He just grinned, his eyes nearly disappearing under so many wrinkles.

"It could be. Hand on my shoulder, then jump on three. One, two, three--" It was possibly the most graceful you'd been all day, from starting off happy-crying in the shower and nearly slipping and hitting your head getting out, to nearly stabbing your heels into your wedding dress a million times during the photo sessions, to basically faceplanting your way down the aisle itself. But you jumped into Frankie's arms with confidence. You trusted him so much.

He didn't even bat an eye, didn't make a noise as he caught you in his arms. None of the fears of the past manifested themselves in the present, and if it were up to Frankie, they wouldn't in the future, either. He looked at you with love and devotion, ensuring you wouldn't hit your head before stepping inside and setting you down on your feet once more. "There," he murmurs softly, shutting the door and locking it. "Home."

You leaned in and kissed him furiously, moaning into his mouth with desperation. His nice tux would be wrinkled and creased from spending a night on the floor, but the floor is where it went after getting evicted from his shoulders. He tried his best to fiddle with your dress, but groaned in frustration when he realized the fastenings would take a lot more than what his one-handed bra-remover fingers could do.

"Upstairs," he rasped, arousal tightening his voice and conveying his thinning control over the situation. He would go full blown caveman and start ripping things if he got worked up enough. The few times it had happened, you couldn't walk for a day and he'd gone out to replace the clothes he ruined with a big dumb smile on his face.

Not on your wedding night, though. And not with your wedding dress.

He followed you up the stairs at a distance, avoiding trampling the small train on your gown in his haste. You arrived at the master bedroom and turned, putting a hand on his chest and stopping his approach for the moment. "Go sit down on the bed, Frankie."

"Yes, ma'am." He smirked and loosened his tie a little, spreading his legs wide and taking a seat.

"I want you to watch me undress," you said, voice shaking only a little.

You had never done this for someone before. You'd never bought lingerie or skimpy things with someone else in mind, and beyond that, you never thought you would get to show it off to them like this. Frankie defied everything you knew about your world, turned the usual meanness into an expectation of kindness. He'd shooed away your worries only to replace them with love and support. By the look on his face, he knew exactly how important this moment was to you.

"Baby..." he said in a soft, awed voice. "Show me. I want to see you." He kept his hand balled in a fist after it had strayed too close to the growing bulge in his pants, and didn't let himself get distracted.

It took a moment, but you could undo all the hidden clasps and straps and notions by yourself. It was one of the reasons it took so long for you to find a dress you liked, that made you feel beautiful and could let your perfect wedding night happen just like this. You'd practiced for him, to make sure your hands wouldn't shake or fumble. When all that was left holding the dress up was your hand, you locked eyes with him and let it crumple to the floor.

But Frankie wasn't worried about the dress. Frankie's concerns began and ended with you, and after checking you were comfortable, his attention moved to the white mesh and lace corset pulling your curves into lovely hourglass shape. You detested most bras, but since you started wedding dress shopping, structured corsets had become a staple in your wardrobe, even beneath your work clothes and simple summer dresses.

As much as he liked to help getting you into them, and adored seeing you happy wearing them, Frankie loved getting to take them off of you.

After kicking away the dress at your feet, you smoothed your hands down your sides, over your hips to where the garter belt held your stockings in place. He'd already done away with the false garter you'd worn for the reception, and had an inkling of what you were wearing underneath just by feel alone. It had been driving him crazy with curiosity all night.

"Fuck," he swore, taking a deep breath to steady himself. As it was, it looked like a feather could have knocked him over, he was so enchanted by you. "Look at you," he mumbled, almost unconsciously.

It bolstered your confidence to extreme heights, and one by one, you unclipped the four garter snaps attached to the sheer stockings you'd been wearing all night. Then, you slowly undid every hook-and-eye clasp on the garter, letting it fall to the growing pile of white fabric to your right. Frankie was nearly drooling watching you, his eyes hungry and roaming over your body with an immense amount of lust. He rolled his hips a little for some relief, and you continued.

The stockings went next, after you faced away from him to show off the lacy, ruffly underwear that he'd only brushed his fingertips over on the way to your garter. You bent at your hips to roll each stocking down carefully, one by one until they left your body entirely. When you looked over your shoulder at him from this position, Frankie was almost panting, gripping the bedspread in some last-ditch attempt at self-control. "Breathe, baby," you said, blowing a kiss.

"If I breathe, I'm going to snap and ruin your pretty things," he says, his voice low and threatening. To anyone else, it would be heard with the intention to strike fear in whoever he was speaking to, but to you it only means you have very little leash left before I pull.

"We wouldn't want that," you pouted. With a flourish, you stood and turned, taking exactly three pins out of your hair to undo it from how the stylist had done this morning. "Should I keep the corset on? Or should I give my husband his wedding present still wrapped up?" you asked sweetly.

Frankie nearly shouted his groan of pleasure. "Please come over here, please please get in my lap." You obeyed his request, straddling him with your knees on the bed. He took a moment to coax you down, help you relax onto his lap without lifting off him. "I'm here," you murmured, reaching up to fuss at the eternal hat hair that curled under his cap on hot days. You loved when he looked at you like this.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Sometimes I can't believe you're mine, and that you want to be." He nuzzled at the inside of your wrist and placed a kiss on your palm. "But I guess I'll just have to accept that I'm the luckiest man on earth to be this close to you at all."

"Such a challenge for you," you teased, kissing his nose before falling to the bed and getting the afterparty started.