#i wanna write more about this but my computer is being used for image processing atm so i cant go into details for each chara

[zephyrchama]

(Obey Me! Headcanon)

You might use the brothers' soaps from time to time, but they also use yours in secret.

Except it's less of a secret and more of a headache because all seven of them "borrowing" a little bit of lotion or shampoo (or even chapstick) here and there means you're constantly running out of soap, perpetuating the cycle of having to use theirs.

[toyherb]

re this ai art post going around and ablesim/accessibility.................. if you used to draw or paint or sculpt and developed a disability that made it hard or impossible I dont see how written prompt generated art would give you the same "making art" experience that you previously had. and I don't just mean well obviously it's different because your body changed. I mean you didn't actually make anything. as someone who makes art and loves art, that would suck everything I love out of it, everything that makes it gratifying and worth doing. I would literally rather be making picrews all the time. customizing a picrew is genuinely more of an art to me than using ai. (but also keep in mind this is still using other people's work, it just is useful as a creative outlet)

but anyways forget that for a second. when you have a disability that makes creating art difficult or impossible, what do you actually DO? there are plenty of disabled artists today and in history who have done everything possible in order to make their art, but what about people who can't do that? no disabled person is the same. what if they don't have the money for the equipment that could assist them or the tools that could help just don't exist? or there really is no way to make art? I personally have a hard time thinking of such a person but they probably exist. I just wish I could know more about what that situation is in order to know how this person might be able to make art, though I'm sure they might have tried everything.

but like, if there is a way for you to use a computer or phone I feel like there's almost definitely a way for you to make art, you know? it doesn't even have to involve ai art. if there's a way for you to control a mouse or something similar in any way, there's definitely a way to draw. and if you can't draw, wouldn't there be a way to make collages or something? If you can't do visual art, is writing out of the question?

(as for ai art, when it's trained on public domain or permissable art, I definitely can see it being used as a tool in art, but not as something to make art itself. like a step in the process. you didn't create what the ai gave you, but you can do whatever with the resultant image in order to do more creating.)

ANYWAY, I know I simply don't have the perspective to understand the topic fully. so I'm really sorry if I'm asking stupid questions or questions that seem annoying or antagonizing. but I really want to know. even if I dont understand it or disagree with it, I know I can't say "oh actually you finding a creative outlet in feeding this ai prompts to get visual art back isn't rEaL ArT and you should feel bad" because, what if it DOES give them that Making Art Feeling?

measuring things by how much effort they take is a form of ableism. measuring effort is impossible because it differs from person to person. I want to say so badly oh but you can tell when someone didn't try, and that it sucks to have something you worked hard on - either on an individual piece or your entire career as an artist - compared to or grouped with something that someone didn't prepare or train for at all! I want to think that so so bad. or worse winning over your work in a contest

but like, what does it even mean to try? what did making that piece actually mean to that person? did they have fun making it? were they engaged with the process? this whole effort angle makes me wanna rip my eyes out.

[amiharana]

7, 22, 27, and 38 for the writing ask game, if you don't mind! :D

(ask game from here)

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

best part about writing is i can just write the most self-indulgent shit ever and then i read it back later and i'm like hell yeah this is exactly what i'm looking for! i'm not kidding i frequently go back through all my documents rereading all the concepting i wrote like it's a little bedtime story. no one can scratch my brainworms better than me fr! ☝️😀

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

mm i'm fairly okay about the organization of my writing stuff. after i got my first laptop, all of my writing has been on computers and kept in my google drive. i'm actually considering making another account to transfer all my stuff over so my personal google acc has more space kasjdfkjsdj

i love making so many folders and color coding in there though. i'm planning on retitling all my fic document stuff in a certain way to make it easier to find them, but i don't know what way works for me yet. there a quite a few documents that are out of place because it's either there's not enough of the same-fandom documents to make a folder or i just don't know how i wanna organize it yet. reorganizing is a process i have not had a time for recently hehe

if you're talking about actual writing, i have a couple fics where i make a separate document for the outline i wrote and switch between the outline and the draft, e.g. my docs "[revalink] crystal snow draft" vs "[revalink] crystal snow outline". usually i do this because the way i wrote it in the outline conveys the exact emotion or image i want and use that as a reference while i write the draft. also it's just fun to see my own brain on display! otherwise i keep one huge document for each ship where i braindump my ideas onto, e.g. my doc "_revalink concept reservoir" and then just add headers/outline in the document. the revalink concept document is currently 80 pages long LMFAOKDJFDJK but it's a bit messy at the moment bc i've been copy pasting a lot of stuff in there

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

hmm of the fics i've properly finished and uploaded, i don't think i've ever actually been stressed writing a character KDFHKDJFD i've mostly written soft cute self-indulgent stuff so it's not too difficult to write them being soft.

i guess what i'll say instead is i actually had a difficult time in general writing the 'like crazy' fic. most of the premise and style of the fic was something i had a hard time conveying, particularly writing link's character in that first half. i try to get in the heads of my characters when i write and figure out what they would do and why they would do it based on what i know about their character. and it was just. really hard to write link in the self-indulgence of what the vibes/lyrical meaning of the song 'like crazy' was while also keeping him within the boundaries of the character i perceive him as.

if anyone else reading this has some time to spare, you can read 'like crazy' here or the link pinned on my blog! it was my revalink week d7 fic hehe 🤍

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

i wish i could tell you something outright insane or outlandish but i can't 😔 my writing process just consists of me laying in bed with my laptop and youtube on my switch hooked to the tv playing videos while i stare at a google doc for a couple minutes until the words come to me, rinse and repeat for as many days as needed until the fic is edited and finalized.

maybe the weirdest thing i've done while writing was either laying down on my side in bed like. semi-fetal position but arranging myself in a way where i could still type on my laptop, or when i got up to lay down and cuddle on the floor of my room with my dog for a little bit to take a break from writing. sorry for the boring answer 🙏

[possessesnightshift]

just over a year into it and already ai bullshit is essentially normal now.

not even probing into all the published research papers with clear evidence of ai in them (looking at you rat dick paper) or the fact that google images are now a bunch of ai generated nonsense, just seeing the way people talk about something like ai art is really discouraging

i see all these debates about why ai art is bad that boil down to "the problem isn't the artwork this person created, the problem is..." with that sentence being finished with either mentioning the unethical data mining or the environmental toll or whatever. but the problem is the very premise of that sentence is wrong no matter what goes at the end of it. if you type shit into a prompt and it spits out something that resembles a finished painting, you did not 'create' anything.

i want to go out of my way to emphasize that while the other bigger picture issues with ai are much more important than whether an ai "artist" deserves credit for their work, i still think it's entirely valid to say "ai art is also bad for letting people act entitled to the same praise and compensation as someone would have for literally painting the goddamn thing by hand."

"but what about the disability aspect? don't artists without fine motor skills deserve to be able to express themselves too?" im barely even going to entertain this line of defense simply for the implication that disabled artists (which i am btw, but not visual art) could not make art until 2023 is offensive to disabled artists throughout history, but also because it doesn't address my main problem with ai art either

a perfectly able-bodied ai artist is equally scuzzy to anyone else who solely relies on some OpenAI product to have any ability to create art. the problem isn't the fact that a computer is generating the art instead of brush or whatever. the problem is that there is NO ARTISTIC PROCESS.

you had no contribution to what the coders and programmers had to do to make ai art happen. you just benefit from their technology. but as a result of that, you allow their coding decisions to shape YOUR art. even if you rephrase the prompt over and over, you won't get the level of control necessary to create anything that isn't just regurgitated fluff. art isn't just a finished product. art is a feeling of inspiration that drives you to create. art is a way for humans to express truths beyond talking or writing about it. art involves imagining, listening, experimenting, and most importantly TIME.

it takes effort and practice over a non-instantaneous period of time to grow as an artist. and not only that, but that growth is THE ENTIRE FUCKING POINT.

i could preach more about this but i think i've touched on my main idea here. at the end of the day, we're so brainwashed by capitalism that we don't even see the way we regard the things we love as mere products. art is supposed to take time. art is supposed to be not obvious. while it might feel like i just wanna shit on top of anyone who considers themselves an ai artist, i honestly feel really bad for these people. if the idea of creating art could move these people as profoundly as it moves me, they wouldn't even think about using ai. i know these people won't get nearly the same joy or fulfillment from typing words into a prompt and spitting out images. even if they did, they still have remarkably little control over how they engage with making their art (what if fucking all of the ai models get sued and taken down forever? then what?)

art is not something that can be bought or sold. people don't seek out art to connect to the process of making money in the most efficient way possible. they want a connection to humanity. wherever that connection exists, people will find it (even in art is that's considered Bad by society's arbitrary standards).

and oh boy is there no faster way to guarantee a piece of art has no connection to humanity whatsoever than to ask the shitty, dysfunctional chatbot troubleshooting your wifi not starting up to make ALL OF THE ARTISTIC DECISIONS for you.

[catboyebooks]

so we pause for scoring (i fucked up on a couple sections, but my worst score on a section was 69 points... Nice) and then it's time for everyone to press the buttons on their podiums to start the shutdown. the group talks about how this isn't the end, just the beginning, and this is definitely funnier in japanese because we have people here named owari (ending) and hajime (beginning). hinata also says something about how "we are the ones who are going to create" which i wanna highlight because the kanji he writes his first name with (創) is in the verb "to create" (創る/tsukuru).

and then usami shows back up, her moderator powers restored. she pins AI!junko's hands down using her "magic," slams junko's head into the ground to stun her, fully immobilizes her, and then she just shatters into pieces. all that's left is her phone, which is still displaying junko's image, allowing her to deliver a little dying speech. i don't think she has an audience for it, though, the shutdown is already starting and the sdr2 survivors and the dr1 trio are now in the process of getting booted out of VR. sounding very bored, junko is like wow this is soooo much despair, how fun. she says once you've experienced the kind of despair she has, there's no turning back, implying she feels she sort of already peaked and doesn't have anywhere to go from here. unlike the last game, where she went to her death eagerly, this time she knows she's beat. she gets in one last "this is soooo despair-inducing" and then the phone goes dead.

we cut to the dr1 trio (this is a CG, the background is abstract, but i take it from general context that they can't see the trial room or the sdr2 group anymore) talking about what just happened. they didn't count on usami showing back up, they didn't think that was possible. none of them seem quite sure to make of what's just happened, but naegi says at least they avoided the outcome junko wanted and fought for their own. togami brings up how uncertain their future is, but kirigiri says all they can do is leave it to the group. the simulation is shutting down, there's nothing more they can do to help. naegi says they don't need to anymore. the screen goes white as the future foundation members return to the real world.

we cut back to the group, standing inside the ring of debate podiums. the game world is glitching and rapidly falling apart around them, like they're on a little island in a sea of computer code. sonia says, hey, sorry to bother everybody, but even if we wake up not remembering all of this... it'll still have meaning, right? souda says he doesn't know how to explain it, but he agrees with her, he thinks it will. kuzuryuu gently ribs him for being bad at explaining things and they banter a little bit. it's sweet. hinata interrupts to say time is almost up, and souda admits that he's pretty scared. sonia says she is too. owari says it's fine to be scared, it makes sense, right? the little nidai bot agrees with her and yells "that's the future!"

as the screen begins to turn white and the glitching gets heavier, the group all vows that they aren't going to forget each other.

we get a bit of internal narration from hinata — it's been a while since there was any. he thinks again that this isn't the end, just the beginning. yes, he's scared, he can't help feeling scared, but... and then he finally says "thank you, nanami" aloud.

the camera pulls back, away from hinata, and the screen fades to white. while we can't see her and the dialogue box doesn't attribute this dialogue to her, it's nanami's voice that responds. she thanks hinata in return and says she'll never ever forget about them. she'll be cheering them on from now on, from somewhere. they'll always be friends.

we get the end chapter screen at this point, which helpfully tells us "this is the end." i don't remember, but surely there's some manner of epilogue? there's always some manner of epilogue

[hanemiso]

Operation: Dairy For Dazai

>>>a dazai osamu x reader<<<

request: "omg i love your post about Dazai and his possibility of having lactose intolerance hahaha, i wish you could do a fanfic out from that"

a/n: um this is such a great idea??? this was so much fun to write omg i hope y'all like it! also i know dazai doesn't necessarily drink coffee with milk and sugar/creamer, but for the sake of the story he does! also sorry if the gif looks weird, i couldn't find his weird little run anywhere else.

synopsis: no one has seen dazai drink milk or consume dairy of any kind...it's up to the agency to figure out if dazai is lactose intoleralnt or not!

warnings: one swear word, dazai not being able to handle dairy

"hey atsushi, you ever notice that dazai doesn't consume dairy?"

"what do you mean, y/n?" atsushi asks, glancing up at you from the computer.

"think about it. have you ever seen dazai drink milk? eat cheese? buy ice cream?" you press on, raising your brows.

atsushi takes a second to think before responding with, "now that you mention it, no i haven't...why are you asking anyway?"

"i think dazai is lactose intolerant."

you now have atsushi's full attention as he rolls closer to your desk and furrows his brows. he looks around the room for the brunette you're talking about before turning back to you, "you think so? i don't know...maybe it's like a dietary thing."

you deadpan, "you really think the man who goes out of his way to try new attempts at committing suicide--the one who came into the office with a hallucinogenic mushroom from a random mountain--is concerned with his own nutrition?"

atsushi goes silent and nods his head in agreement.

"come on, atsushi. i mean, why would that be the one thing out of his entire diet that he'd choose to cut out?"

"that's true, i've seen the kinds of things he eats...but why is this something you're interested in?"

"because, atsushi, the thought of THE dazai osamu even having one slight weakness--and the fact that it very well may be dairy, of all things-- is amusing. you don't find it interesting? that he can survive things like bullet wounds and getting kidnapped without any problem, but a glass of milk could completely ruin him?"

atsushi was beginning to take interest in what you were talking about. you had a point, he couldn't deny that. they don't know much about dazai and his life as it is. just as it began clicking in his brain, kunikida walks over to your desk to tell you both to get back to work. at the sound of his footsteps, you turn towards him and before he can say anything at all, you ask him the same question as atsushi. kunikida has a smiliar reaction and response to atsushi, which just adds to the curiosity of dazai's possible dairy problem.

"i don't pay attention to that idiot's diet anyway, nor do i care." he says matter-of-factly.

anyone could tell that kunikida was slightly interested, just by the way he was continuing to linger by your desk as you continued talking about it with atsushi. soon enough, tanizaki had joined the conversation; then ranpo and kenji, and soon everyone in the agency other than fukuzawa. everyone was huddled around your desk, sharing memories of dazai's lack of dairy consumption. it was then decided that this theory of dazai being lactose intolerant would be put to the test when dazai returned to the office.

ranpo had come up with the idea, it wasn't too elaborate but a simple plan that could trick even the likes of dazai into drinking a glass of milk. during the discussion of dazai's dietary habits, it was also brought to everyone's attention by kunikida that it seems dazai doesn't have a high spice tolerance either. with that in mind, the plan was for the agency to have a joint dinner tonight, with curry on the menu tonight; spicy curry to be exact. dazai always flirts with you in the office, so it was your job to distract him by indulging in his pick-up lines and such. once he takes a bite and realizes it's too spicy for him, he'd try to find water to alleviate the pain, but coincidentally there is no water in sight. because of this, he'd be forced to drink the glass of milk you hand him. of course, if this didn't work, for dessert you'd give him a cup of coffee with milk and sugar (he uses non-dairy creamer in his coffee anyway).

you and kyouka set up a table to put the bowls of curry on, while atsushi and kunikida began bringing in the curry. tanizaki, naomi, and ranpo were in charge of getting the desserts to really sell the image of a nice gathering. kenji and yosano were in charge of tinkering with the water pipes to close off any possibility of access to water. this task was treated with such care, as any mission brought into the agency would be. each and every one of you were interested in learning about this side of dazai; are you going the extra mile for such a minuscule detail of someone's life? yes, but will it be amusing to find out the truth? also yes.

soon enough, dazai is spotted out the window. the truth is about to be revealed, and you are all nervous but excited.

"remember guys, act natural! operation: dairy for dazai starts now!" you exclaim quietly.

you can hear everyone take a deep breath and begin "talking" amongst themselves as dazai walks in. he stops in his tracks as he eyes the table holding all the bowls of curry and widens his eyes in surprise.

"oh? what's this?" he asks, gesturing to the table.

"y/n suggested having dinner in the agency tonight, so we got some curry and desserts." atsushi explains.

"have a bowl, dazai-kun." you smile at him as you hand him the bowl of spicy curry.

"ah, you're too nice, my belladonna!" he exclaims and grabs the bowl.

so far so good, you think.

you can feel the tension in the room as everyone waits for dazai to take a bite. the conversations carry on amongst people, but no one was truly paying attention to what was being said. the gazes of each member of the agency shifted to dazai as he raised the spoon up to his mouth. you could hear the sound of everyone in the room holding their breaths, even kunikida was sweating.

once the spoon had been placed in his mouth, everyone froze in place. you and atsushi tried to pretend to not be paying much attention to dazai, but it was so hard not to when all of a sudden he stopped chewing. you both slowly turn your head towards him and see his eyes go wide once again. he hurries to the nearest trashcan and spits out the spoonful, quickly turning and looking for a cup of water on the table.

"w-what's wrong, dazai-san?" atsushi asks, also sweating.

"h-hot! spicy curry! atsushi-kun, i need water! please!" dazai exclaims.

you run to the table and pretend to look for a cup of water before grabbing the glass of milk and hurrying towards dazai.

"sorry dazai-kun, i couldn't find any water, but i heard milk helps with the pain!" you hold out the glass of milk.

it feels like time stops as dazai sits there, breathing shallows breaths in attempts to stop the fire in his mouth, and contemplating whether he wants to try his luck with continuing to gasp for air or drinking the milk. he hates suffering, after all. in his mind, all that matters at this moment is extinguishing the flames dancing on his tongue. he grabs the glass, just as planned, and drinks a couple big gulps. everyone is now turned to him, asking if he's okay.

"i'm...fine." he says between pants.

now it was only a matter of time. the dinner continued as normal, but dazai wasn't as social as usual. he sat down with you and atsushi as you continued to talk about different missions.

"oh yeah, dazai-kun, do you remember--" you turn to look at him but realize he's staring at the ground intently as sweat beads on his face, "dazai?"

he blinks once and tries regaining his composure as he looks up at you with his usual smile, "yes, belladonna?"

"are you feeling alright?" you ask with concern laced in your voice.

"of course i am!" dazai tries to reply cheerily, but his bright tone is cut off by a rumbling in his stomach that makes his face twist.

he tries replacing his expression with a smile again, but it looks more pained as another low rumble emits from his body. at this point, everyone in the office is stealing glances. he looks back at the ground as his eyes widen yet again, and only two words are uttered before he takes off running to the bathroom:

"oh shit."

everyone stares at the door, processing what just happened. it was so silent, the only sound you could hear was dazai's rapid footsteps echoing down the hall.

"i knew it." you smirk a bit to yourself.

but your feeling of victory is brief as the horrid smell invades your nostrils. your poor co-workers get assaulted by the same stench, and you all are forced to evacuate.

operation: dairy for dazai was a success, but at what cost?

------------------------------------------

BONUS: how chuuya found out about dazai's lactose intolerance

chuuya was the only person who knew of dazai's problem with dairy, but the way he found out was purely accidental and scarred him.

the event took place when they were 17, and they were both stopping for a drink at a local cafe after a mission. the mission wasn't too bad, but it was early in the morning and chuuya wanted coffee. dazai told him it would stunt his already lacking growth, so chuuya wasn't in the greatest mood; he never was around dazai.

"i wanna sit down so you can order for me!" dazai claps his hands together.

"hey! i don't wan-" chuuya begins to protest but dazai cuts him off while walking away.

"you know what i like!"

chuuya grumbles in annoyance as he heads to the counter and orders two drinks. in his fit of anger, he accidentally ordered two coffees with milk and sugar, but failed to notice as he brought the cups to the table dazai sat at. he narrows his eyes as he sets the cup down in front of dazai and sits across from him. chuuya stares out the window to try and tune out dazai when he hears dazai ask him something quietly.

"is there...milk in this?"

chuuya scoffs and replies, "what's wrong, can't handle a bit of milk?"

he was obviously joking, but the sound that emits from dazai's body in response makes him realize it was no joke. dazai quickly stands and runs to the bathroom while chuuya sits there in disbelief, but with the hope that the rest of the day won't be ruined because of it.

that was wishful thinking though, as they frequently had to stop at public restrooms on their way home and chuuya had to deal with the rancid odor that followed dazai as closely as his own shadow.

taglist: @justmycupoftea93 @loveliestmolly @darlingimawitch @b-i-t-t-i-e-s @browneyespinkhair @silverstar22x @stupidfrogfreak @anotakugardener @jhopesstickeredcarrier @joyfulartisanstudentlamp @spacedoutcoffeebeans @puddingowo66 @kaeyapng @beomluvrr @imobsessedwithskkanditshows

[magnusmysteries]

Part 4: The Sixteenth Fear

The Magnus Archives was a horror podcast. It is now completed. Many of the show’s mysteries were never explained on the show. I intend to explain them. Spoilers for the show, but also spoilers if you wanna solve these mysteries yourself.

In part 3 I said every fear has an opposite. But the Flesh didn’t exist before the industrial revolution. So there would have been 13 fears then, an uneven number, and not every fear could balance against an opposite. So how could that be?

The answer is, there were only 12 fears before the Flesh. The Corruption and the Desolation used to be the same fear. 

Diego Molina of the Lightless Flame cult worships Asag. A Sumerian god of disease that could make fish boil. So Asag seems to be of both the Corruption and the Desolation.

In Infectious Doubts Arthur Nolan complains about it: “Not like I can vent to the others about what a prat Diego is. Got a lot of funny ideas. Still calls the Lightless Flame Asag, like he was when he was first researching it. I just really wanna tell him to get over it; I mean Asag was traditionally a force of destruction, sure, but as a church we very much settled on burning in terms of the – face we worship, and some fish-boiling Sumerian demon doesn’t really match up, does it? Plus there’s a lot of disease imagery with Asag that I’ll reckon is way too close to Filth for my taste, but no, he read it in some ancient tome, so that’s that –“

Ancient is the key word. The tome predates the industrial revolution and the Flesh. Asag probably isn’t a thing anymore and Diego is indeed a prat for worshipping it.

In The Architecture of Fear Smirke writes “I know you say the Flesh was perhaps always there, shriveled and nascent until its recent growth, but to grant the existence of such a lesser power would throw everything into confusion. Would you have me separate the Corruption into insects, dirt, and disease? To divide the fungal bloom from the maggot?”

It is not random that Smirke uses the Corruption as an example here. The Corruption is the opposite of the Flesh, so the Corruption is the fear that Smirke believed had no opposite for hundreds or thousands of years.

In part 3 I said vampires where Corruption/Desolation/Hunt. This is a little far-fetched, but I wonder if the vampire’s we’ve seen have been old ones that predate the Flesh. And that’s why they are part Corruption, since Corruption and Hunt used to be next to each other. Maybe there are more modern vampires without the long sucking tongue. Maybe instead of sucking blood, when they bite you begin to burn or boil. Since the Hunt is now next to the Desolation instead of the Corruption-Desolation combo.

In Vampire Killer Trevor says “I have killed five people that I know for sure as vampires, and there are two more that may or may not have been.” There is a missing middle part of Trevor’s statement. Maybe there he talks about killing two vampires that are modern and therefore different so he’s not sure if they’re actually vampires.

Speaking of fears splitting up, why is the Darkness the opposite fear of the Slaughter? In Last Words we hear of the first fear “A fear of blood and pounding feet, a fear of that sudden burst of pain and then nothing.” 

And of the second fear “The fear of their own end, of the things that lived in the darkness, became a fear of the darkness itself.”

I think the first was a general fear of violence. It includes what became the Hunt “Blood and pounding Feet...” and the Slaughter “...Sudden burst of pain and then nothing”, and the End “The fear of their own end…” And the second fear was the Darkness. They were the opposite by default, simply for being the two first fears.

When the Buried became a fear, the Hunt split up from the Violence to oppose it. When the Vast became a fear, the End split up from the Violence to oppose it. All that was left of the Violence was Slaughter, still opposing the Dark. When humans began warfare, fear of war fit nicely with the Slaughter.

The Eye might have been part of the Dark at first. Still from Last Words: “...because they knew the dark held flashing talons and shining eyes…” 

When the Lonely became a fear, the Eye split up from the Dark to oppose it.

So what about the Extinction? Does it have an opposite? Yes! There is a sixteenth fear. And what can be the opposite of the fear of the end of the world? The fear that the world isn’t real. That we’re all just living in a computer simulation. If you think the world isn’t even real, you’re not gonna be so worried about it ending. I’ll call it the Simulation.

Here is how the fears are arranged on the wheel, with the two latest fears added:

Description of image: A circle with 16 spots similar to a clock. On each spot is a number and the name of a power: 1. Corruption. 2 Extinction. 3. Desolation. 4. Hunt. 5. Slaughter. 6. End. 7. Lonely. 8. Stranger. 9. Flesh. 10. Simulation 11. Spiral. 12. Buried. 13. Dark. 14. Vast. 15. Eye. 16. Web.

The Extinction is next to the Corruption. Disease and garbage are both gross. Possessive is an Extinction episode, even if not acknowledged as such by any of the characters. It’s about garbage. And Maggie is creating people out of garbage. She is making the inheritors mentioned in Time of Revelation. There are also creatures made of garbage in Concrete Jungle. And Maggie was full of moving insect legs, showing Corruption influence.

Quote from Adelard Dekker from Rotten Core: “I’ve spoken before about how keenly I’ve watched news of possible pandemics, which is where I suspect the Extinction may pull away from the Corruption during its emergence.” Adelard knows the Extinction is next to Corruption.

The Extinction is next to Desolation. That fits, nuclear weapons cause fire. Quote from Times of Revelation, describing corpses: “They were stiff, and desiccated, mummified by some process Bernadette could not begin to guess at, but that rendered their flesh like tightly packed ash” Ash as if they were burned.

The Simulation is next to the Flesh. The Flesh makes you think humans aren’t people, they are just meat. The Simulation makes you think humans aren’t people, they are just NPCs.

The Simulation is the next to the Spiral. Both make you question what is real. The Spiral makes you doubt your mind, the Simulation makes you doubt your world.

There are four episodes about the Simulation: Binary, Zombie, Cul-de-sac and Reflection.

In Binary Sergey Ushanka uploads his mind into a computer. He becomes a simulation and it hurts. There is influence by the Spiral, the statement giver isn’t sure if she’s going crazy. And there is influence by the Flesh. Ushanka uploads himself into a computer and then he eats the computer. So that’s cannibalism.

In Zombie the statement giver thinks other people aren’t real, they’re philosophical zombies, In other words they like simulations or NPCs. The man that follows her repeats the phrase “Just fine, thank you for asking” and says nothing else. Just like some NPCs in video games will say the same phrase over and over. The man is identical the three times they meet, except for his t-shirt changes color. Sometimes in video games some NPCs will be identical, except for some colors are changed. (Because it’s less work to recollar a character than to draw one from scratch.)

John thinks Cul-De-Sac is about the Lonely. And yes, the statement giver was lonely. But the people affected by the Lonely choose to be lonely, and the statement giver didn’t. His boyfriend broke up with him because of cheating and then he lost his friends because they sided with his boyfriend. 

I think the theme of the statement is unreality, not loneliness. In the Magnus Archives, when someone gets marked by a power it is because they made some wrong choice. The choice the statement giver makes is to return to the place he found dead and soulless. He drives back to his ex-boyfriend to deliver the moose, rather than send it by mail. He specifically wants to meet his ex. Not an act of loneliness, quite the opposite. Also he is returning a moose that is angular and creepy, in other words it is unreal.

When the statement escapes from the nightmare it’s because he got a phone call from his ex. And he says “I love you.” and that fits neatly with the Lonely. But it also fits with escape from the unreal. He escapes because he communicates with a real person.

The road signs says “Road” and “Street”. Generic and unreal. All the houses look the same. Like in a computer game. The statement giver wonders if they are the same house. Like in a computer game where one might reuse the code for a house many times.

The house he enters has stock photos. Unreal.

The people on TV have something wrong with their eyes, similar to the eyes of the zombies in Zombie. And it's a fake cooking show, and a fake infomercial.

The dead woman upstairs was someone who had social media profiles, and that nobody notices had died. Meaning she lived her life online. That sounds like she was lonely. But living online also makes her a good victim for the Simulation. Everyone she talked to was on a computer, she couldn’t know for sure if they were real.

The woman had killed herself with a mirror. I think what happened was she had looked into the mirror and seen that her eyes were wrong, like the eyes of the people on TV. And she had thought she was just a simulation, like everything around her. And therefore she killed herself. Or perhaps she wasn’t reflected in the mirror at all? Like in…

Reflection. Adelard speculated that this statement was about the Extinction, but I don’t think so. The protagonist was in a world that seemed unreal. A fun fair is artificial so that fits the theme. The people were playing games, which fits the theme via computer games maybe.

Adelard says “I can’t quite get past the detail that there was no reflection at all in the mirror he used to return.” It is almost at the end of Adelard’s letter, it’s clearly meant to be significant. The no reflection might be symbolic for the statement giver starting to think he isn’t real, which might be what happened to him after he gave the statement.

Reflection has influence by the Spiral, with the maze of mirrors. There is influence by the Flesh, with the cannibalism.

[sleepingpatterns]

“Should I use InDesign to lay out my books?” - A Passionate Guide

Ok, if you are like me, you recently stumbled upon @armoredsuperheavy​‘s brilliant blog about bookbinding and fanfiction, and now you are excited to throw yourself head-first into bookbinding.

This also means that you are about to invest a fair amount of time into figuring out how exactly to lay out books. What you end up getting comfortable with will most likely be what you end up using long term, so it is worthwhile giving it some thought. The question really comes down to this: who's name will you be cursing for the foreseeable future? Adobe? Or Microsoft?

Full disclosure: I only started using InDesign because I was forced to. I worked as an editor at a newspaper, and that was what we used. The beginning was hell. I won’t sugar coat it, it sucks. In the end it was worth it. Once you figure it out, InDesign’s potential far outstrips Microsoft Word (in my opinion).

That encouragement means very little when you open this treacherous program for the first time and see THIS:

“What?! I will literally give you $100 if you guess what all the buttons on the left are for. How the fuck do I make the margins disappear!?”

So, if using InDesign means figuring out what at least one third of the tools on the left are for, lets talk pros and cons.

Let’s get the cons out of the way.

It is expensive. Adobe is not fucking around. This puppy costs 20 bucks a month (Canadian) to RENT. If this is out of your price range, do you still have options? Yes. Do they range in legality? Also yes. I think I could potentially get in trouble for telling you to find your friendly neighborhood torrenting site and steal this software. I will say, outright, that no one should steal software ever. Got it? I would be very upset if someone were to message me for specifics. As you naturally wish to be law-abiding, there is also the quasi-legal option of repeating the 14-day free trial. My friend works at a professional print studio in Russia, and this is the tactic they use: every 14 days they uninstall all of the software from all of the computers, and reinstall it with a new trial. Every 14 days! At a professional operation! My friend hates working there.

It is not initially intuitive. I’ve covered this, but it bears repeating because it is a serious hurdle. Keep in mind, that with time, InDesign becomes more helpful than other software. Now when I use Word I find myself reaching for keyboard shortcuts automatically, and feeling bereft at the lack of my favorite tools. Nonetheless, expect a time commitment up front learning how to harness this glorious and confusing computer program.

It can run kinda slowly, depending on your computer. Up until two months ago, I had the world’s most precarious laptop. I bought it for $200 in 2015. It once took half an hour to restart. Inexplicably, when it got stressed, it would switch to Spanish. It was literally and figuratively falling apart. And yet, it ran InDesign. Granted, it worked slowly. If I asked it to process too many images at once it would panic (again with the Spanish), but for the most part, it worked. If you have a slow computer and are patient, then InDesign will probably work fine on your computer. If you are not willing to suffer, stick to Word.

You will also need Photoshop (sometimes). Part of what makes InDesign glorious is that it is professional software that is designed specifically to work with print and anything text-heavy. I love that about it. It even manages to do some handy things with images! But, inevitably, you will need to learn some Photoshop to punch up your graphics. I have, admittedly, only learned the bare minimum Photoshop in order to feed my InDesign addiction. It was a pain in the butt. For example, inexplicably, Adobe has not standardized keyboard shortcuts across the suite. As with InDesign, now that I’ve learned the tricks, I adore it. But you should go into this knowing that with Adobe, the fun never ends.

Printing signatures is the WORST. Adobe, please explain to me, in front of God and everyone, why the hell you would make this software specifically for laying out books etc. and not include a method of printing signatures?! I’m livid. This is absolutely where Word wins the day. It is almost worth using Word just to print the signatures so nicely and easily. I’m not kidding. Me—a person who has used InDesign professionally—almost wanted to switch software entirely just because of this. Hands down, InDesign’s biggest goof. Despite this crime against bookbinders everywhere, you have options. You can export your design to a PDF and literally print each signature separately (I am fucking livid) or you can complain enough to your friends that they offer to buy you a lovely program called BookletCreator for your birthday. It costs $20 bucks USD and it was worth every penny. However, Adobe, FOR THE AMOUNT THAT YOU CHARGE FOR YOUR PROGRAM, I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PURCHASE ANY ADDITIONAL SOFTWARE IN ORDER TO PRINT MY BOOK. Did I mention that I am livid?!

But InDesign must be worth something, right?! Otherwise why would I be writing a long post encouraging people to use it? Let’s talk pros:

The horsepower on this baby will blow your mind. Forget what I just said about printing signatures; imagine using software that was literally made for this. You wanna do a thing? InDesign has got you. Are you a perfectionist? This software was designed by people as pedantic and obsessive as yourself. It gets you. Dream it, google how to do it, and InDesign will deliver. This is really the main reason to use InDesign; it is the professional standard for a reason.

There are so SO many resources available to help you learn. Almost everything I’ve learned about InDesign I learned from Google or YouTube. Honestly, if you have a question, I promise that other people have already asked and answered it. The advantage is that because this software is specifically for laying out books, there is lots of information available specifically about how to do what you want to do. (This may also be true for Word, but I’ll be honest, I only used Word for a book layout once, so I can’t say for certain either way.)

Once you figure it out, InDesign will give you back hours of your life. Things like master page spreads, clipping paths, tint, the eyedropper tool, and the one-hundred-percent adjustable text are just... lifesavers. My experience with Word is limited, so my frustration using it was probably due to my own ineptitude, but honestly, when putting together my thesis, the tears I cried trying to get page numbers to format correctly were some of the most bitter text-related tears I have ever shed. I can take care of the whole operation in InDesign in a matter of minutes. Hours. Of. My. Life. Saved.

This is an actual marketable skill. Ok, bear with me here. I have used InDesign for every single job I have had since I worked at the newspaper. That includes working as a bookkeeper and a kindergarten teacher. Hell, I even made my resume to get those jobs in InDesign. There is no job that I forsee in my future that doesn’t include some form of text-based design. Even when my work has absolutely nothing to do with layout (see: kindergarten teacher) I still found some way to use it. My previous boss was actually so thrilled about my InDesign skills that she had me run a 101 seminar for the other employees. (Did any of them end up using it? I suspect not. Did they look at me strangely for being so enthusiastic about design software? Absolutely.) I’ve even managed to use InDesign to branch out from freelance editing to take on design projects as well. In short: if you learn how to use InDesign, put in on your resume. You will be surprised at how much mileage you get out of it.

With Adobe, the fun never ends. I know I joked about it before, but really, I love seeing what this program has in store for me next. For example, thanks to bookbinding, I discovered that InDesign will do a lot of things that I had previously assumed were the domain of Word, such as spell check. I literally stumbled onto a measuring tool today that I wish existed irl to help me glue my covers together. Part of the beauty of this software being so intricate is that there is always something new you can do. I love learning how to harness a new feature, and then watch my design improve over time. Using this program you really get the feeling that the sky is the limit. Look, just the fact that I’ve now resorted to saccharine platitudes about computer software tells you that InDesign is remarkable. Considering that this program has made me suffer so significantly, I have either seen the face of God, or I have Stockholm syndrome. Take your pick.

TL;DR, at long last:

How complicated would you like to go? Either way, for bookbinding you’ve got to learn to use software in a new way.

Do you just want to get your book laid out reliably with little fuss? Word is for you! Are you interested in delving into the details? Do you have the patience of a saint? Try InDesign!

Both work. Both are good. But you can pry InDesign from my cold dead hands because I adore it.

[yootaesowlwrites]

Requested By: Ferrari_Babe

Request: Could I have this one and b21 with Seb V please! Thank you! Xx

Prompts: B18*- “Can You Feel What You’re Doing To Me?” & B21*- “I Want To Watch You Fall Apart.”

A/N: idk why, but I always picture a home office with a plush white carpet, I don’t know why, but yeah, 

Warnings: Smut, Mention of being nude, Boob play, nipple play, slight teasing, mention of being choked, mention of being marked, explicit language, clit play, fingering, finger sucking, handjob, unprotected sex (be safe, use protection). slight bruising, slight scratching.

Word Count: 3K

【 • Primary Masterlist • Drivers Masterlist • Sebastian Vettel Masterlist • Fan Fiction Masterlist • 】

【 • Prompt List • Smut Prompt List • Scenario Prompt List • Alternate Universe Prompt List • 】

【 • List Of Characters & Drivers I Write For • Rules & Request • 】

Sebastian sat in his office sorting through his emails about new sponsors and old sponsor renewals, it was already late in the evening and he should have left his office an hour earlier but the emails kept filling up, he quickly grew frustrated with them as some upset him and others were just plain junk mail, (Y/n) had become inpatient while waiting for him and was now making her way to his office to see what was taking so long, she wanted to cuddle up to him and feel his warm body against her as they laid in comfortable silence as they drifted away, but now she was on a mission to gain his attention and had removed her sleepwear and replaced it with one of his t-shirts and a pear of lace thongs, she had become needy for his attention while waiting for him, she stops in front of the office door and lightly knocks on it before opening the door and stepping inside, his head never moving away from the screen which caused her bottom lip to pop out as she pouted, she quickly composed herself and closed the door behind her, locking it in the process to be sure none of their children would walk in on them before making her way towards the tuxedo shaped sofa in his office.

“Hey.” (Y/n) softly says, quickly noting that he didn’t look away from the computer screen, her eyes moved over his face and quickly saw his brows were furrowed and his lips were in a straight line as he was frowning at something he was reading.

“Hey,” Sebastian mutters before taking in a deep breath and blowing it out. “Sorry, this is taking so long.”

“No, it’s okay.” (Y/n) says as she sits down on the couch, spreading her legs just a little and placed her hands on her exposed knees, feeling her soft warm skin underneath her touch. “I was just getting a little curious.” She slowly moves her hands up her thighs as she leans back against the sofa, her legs opening a little more as her hands go higher. “A little lonely.” Her hands begin lifting the shirt she wore. “A little needy.” Sebastian looks away from the screen to glance in her direction before looking back at his screen only to look back at her as his eyes widen, her legs were wide enough for him to see a piece from the dark red lace thong she wore, her hands move over her shirt. “For attention.” Her words coming out in a purr, her hands stop at her breasts as Sebastian’s eyes were glued to her, the emails instantly forgotten as her hands rubbed her breasts through the shirt, causing her nipples to hard as the rough fabric rubbed against them, one hand moved up her neck as she watched him shift in his chair as he swallowed, her fingers stopped at her lips. “Needy for your big cock.” She slips three fingers into her mouth and starts sucking on them, he could see her tongue moving around her fingers and he was left to imagine it was his cock in her mouth. “Mhm.” He could feel his cock twitch as he watched her, he shifted in his chair and placed on hand on top of his growing cock and begun palming himself through his jeans, if only he had realized how needy she was for his attention he would’ve gone through his emails the following day and spent the night pleasuring her, her other hand cupped her boob and started massaging it.

“Mhm.” The image of her being a moaning mess with his cock in her mouth flashed through his mind, causing him to shift more in his chair as he watched her, saliva escaped her mouth and slowly slid down her chin. “Mhm. “ Her other hand moved underneath her shirt and instantly went to her boob, running her fingers over her erect nipple, he could see her fingers working on her nipple even with the shirt she wore. “Mhm.” She pulls her fingers from her mouth, he could see the saliva almost dripping from her fingers. “Oh.” She reached for the hem of the shirt and lifted it upwards to expose her chest as she placed with her nipple, he could see her nipple swelling as she toyed with the sensitive bud, he licked his lips as he pushed his chair away from his desk, she moves her hand away from her boob and quickly discarded the shirt she wore. “I’m so needy for your attention, Seb, I wanna feel your lips on my skin, your fingers inside me.” Sebastian stood from his chair giving her a perfect view of the bulge pressed against his jeans as it formed a tent. “For you to leave marks on my skin, marking me as your own.” She took her bottom lip between her teeth as one hand slides down her body and slipped her hand into her lace thong, he could see where her fingers were as she spread her legs wider.  “Oh, Seb.” She lipped two fingers into her folds and felt how wet she had grown by just teasing him, she pulls her hand out from her thong and showed him her glistening fingers.

“Look what you’re doing to me.” She breathes out, Sebastian strides towards and stopped in front of her which made her sit up straight on the sofa, she reached for his jeans and undoes the button and unzips the zipper before she carefully pushed his jeans down his legs, leaning forward the completely push them down his legs her breasts pressed together.

“Mhm, you are such a damn tease,” Sebastian says causing a devious smirk to tug at the corner of her lips as she looked up at him, he could see the lust in her eyes along with the hunger for him to touch her, he steps out from his jeans and used his foot to push them aside, mentally thanking himself that he had removed his shoes earlier when he had made his way to the office, he lowers down to his knees in front of her and placed his hands on her knees. “I think you’ve teased me enough.”

“I wouldn’t say I have.” (Y/n) says, he could feel her warm skin underneath his touch as his hands move up her thighs, she throws her head back as his hand's inch closer to her pussy, he moves between her legs to keep her from closing them as his fingers curl around the lace fabric, she lifts her hips from the sofa letting him pull her things down, once the fabric reached her knees she lowered her hips and lifted her feet letting him remove them completely, his eyes fall on her wet pussy as he tossed the thong aside.

“You’re so damn wet already.” Sebastian states as he placed a hand on her mound before slowly moving his hand lower and lower until his fingers covered her folds, he slips a finger between her folds and felt his finger becoming wet with her juices, his finger slowly circled around her swollen clit.

“Can you feel what you’re doing me, Seb?” (Y/n) whispers seductively. “Oh, I’m so wet because of you, I’m so wet for you, baby.” She could feel a faint twist in her abdomen as he toyed with her clit, his finger moved back and forth over her sensitive nub which caused her breathing to become heavy, her hands went to her heads and fingers gripped her hair in pleasure, he felt his cock twitch as he thought about what he could do to her, where he could pleasure her the most and when he would do it. “Oh.” Her mouth parts as her chests heaves up and down as she took in deep and heavy breaths, his finger inched closer to her slit before sliding two more fingers between her folds, they instantly become coated her wetness as they circled around her slit. “Mhm.” His fingers slip into her slit and curls once they were inside her. “OH!” His fingers brushing against her sensitive spot which caused a smirk to tug at the corner of his lips as he watched her body respond to his touch.

“I love it when your body responds to me like this,” Sebastian says in a husky tone, his fingers thrust in and out of her slit, curing his fingers each time he thrusts them in, her skin felt on fore as the air surrounding them became thick with warmth, tension building in her lower abdomen as his fingers pleasured her. “Look at me, Liebling.” He could feel her walls clenching around his fingers, she lifts her head to look at him as her hands move away from her hair and form a fist as she placed them on the sofa, her eyes wanted to roll to the back of her head in pleasure. “Keep looking at me, I want to watch you fall apart.”

“OH!” (Y/n) moans as her muscles contracted, heat ran up her legs as her toes curl in pleasure. “OH!” Her body began to quiver with pleasure.

“Mhm, look at how you’re losing control, so beautiful,” Sebastian says, the tone of his voice driving her closer to her release each time he spoke, his thumb brushed over her thumb causing her mind to become clouded with pleasure as the only thing she could focus on was the pleasure he was causing her, she wanted to throw her head back in euphoria but kept her eyes on him as she felt the tension that had been building up in her abdomen break and pleasure washed over her as she released around his fingers.

“SEBASTIAN!” (Y/n) screams as she throws her head back. “SEB!” He could feel her wetness spilling onto his hand and dripping down onto the sofa.

“Look at me,” Sebastian demands, she lifts her head to look at him, struggling to obey his order, the only thing she wanted to do right now was throw her head back and close her eyes and feel the pleasure running through her veins. “Breathtakingly gorgeous.” He slowly pulls his fingers from her slit, her toes uncurl and her hands relax as her eyes fall down to his fingers as he lifted them, she could see them glistening with her wetness. “Look at the mess you created, I think you should it up, Liebes.” He brought his hand closer to her lips, pressing his fingers against her lips. “Open up.” Her lips part as she moves her gaze to his as he stared at her, her lips wrap around his fingers and swiped her tongue over his fingers. “Such a good girl.” She could feel her clit twitch at his praise, he pulls his fingers away from her mouth and quickly discarded his own shirt, he reached for her hand. “Come here.” He pulls her from the couch and on top of him as he lays down on the soft carpet in his office, she giggles as she lands on top of him, she placed her hands on his shoulders and leans down to kiss him, their lips brush against each other.

“Mhm.” (Y/n) hums into his mouth as she felt his hard cock rub against the inside of her thigh, she was the one to break the kiss as she started to climb off from him, her gaze fell to his underwear that still clung to his hips, she could see a slight wet patch on the grey underwear he wore from the leaking pre-cum, she reached for his underwear and curled her fingers around his underwear, her knuckles brushing against his skin which sent a shiver up his spine as she carefully removes his underwear, she tosses it over her shoulder and he props himself up on his elbows to watch her, her hands wrap around the base of his cock and slowly moved her hand up his hard cock, before swiping her thumb over his tip, spreading the dripping pre-cum over his cock, her hand twisted around his cock before moving her hand up and down.

“Oh.” Sebastian breathes out as his lips parts, he lowers himself down to the floor as his mind concentrated on the pleasure she was causing him. “Scheiße.” His eyes closing as they roll to the back of his head in pleasure, her other hand cupped his balls and gently started playing with them, her fingers softly running over them. “Fuck, darling.” The sensation driving him crazy as he felt himself edging closer to his release, he could feel his muscles tightening as heat ran up his spine, her hand continued moving up and down his shaft, while her other hand played with his sensitive balls, the immense pleasure he was experiencing was unexplainable. “I need to be inside you.” His breathing became short, a layer of sweat covered both their skin as the air surrounding them became thicker and warmer, she unwraps her hand from his cock and straddled him once again, he could feel her moist pussy inches away from his throbbing cock, she placed one hand on his chest while her other hand wrapped around his cock and slipped him between her folds, coating his cock with her wetness before moving him to her slit, she lowers herself down onto his cock, her mouth falling open as she felt him entering her.

“Oh, go-“ (Y/n) gasps as she unwraps her hand from his cock and placed it on his chest also, he placed his hands on her hips and dug his fingers into her skin before pushing her down onto his cock, the filling feeling causing her to moan loudly. “Fu- ah- ck.” The feeling of his cock filling her felt indescribably delightful, his hands moved from her hips to her shoulders and pulled her down against his chest, his cock shifts inside her and added to the pleasure she was experiencing. “Oh.” He turns them around and moved his hands to the carpet as he shifts on top of her, his arms extending as he pushed himself upwards, he slowly pulls his cock from her before thrusting into her, she could feel each vein o his cock as he thrusts into her. “Mhm.” The sound of her wetness and their breathing filled the room.

“Fuck.” Sebastian breathes out as the feeling of her warm wet walls enveloped around him drove him inside, the pure delight of her walls clenching around his cock ran through his veins, tension quickly built inside (Y/n) as pleasure ran through her.

“Faster.” (Y/n) cries out, almost instantaneously his thrusts became faster and rougher. “Fuck yes, oh, oh.” Her mind focused on the constant pleasure she received, nothing else mattered at the moment as her hands moved from his shoulders to his shoulder blades, her nails dug into his skin as the sounds that filled the room sounded so unholy.

“You feel so fucking good around me.” Sebastian groans out, the feeling of her nails digging into his skin added to the pleasure, he could feel her walls clenching around him as she milked him for an orgasm, his cock twitched inside her he neared his euphoric high, his mind could only focus on the pleasure running through him and the feeling of her nails breaking his skin assured him that (Y/n) was experiencing the same amount of pleasure, if not more.

“Oh, ah, mhm.” (Y/n) lets out a breathy moan. “Fuck.”

“Mhm, so vulnerable, so beautiful,” Sebastian mutters, she moves her a hand away from his shoulder and moved it between them, she took her throbbing clit between her fingers.

“FUCK!” (Y/n) moans loudly as the pleasurable sensation ran through her veins, she could feel heat running up her legs as her muscles contracted, Sebastian’s cock pulsed inside her as he neared his high.

“Fuck, baby.” Sebastian groans out as he cums inside her, filling her with his load, she rolls her clit between her fingers and curled her toes as her nails dug deep into his skin, pleasure shot up her spine and the tension in her abdomen broke as her body began to quiver.

“SEB!” (Y/n) screams as she released herself around his cock, his thrusts became irregular while she moved her fingers away from her clit, her mind clouded with the pleasure, he slowly came to a halt as he buried himself deep inside her, their breathing being the only sound remaining in the room, her hand fall away from his shoulder as it became silent between them for a few minutes as they caught their breath.

“Next time when you’re this needy, just give me a heads up or sent me a text,” Sebastian says as he carefully pulls himself out from her.

“And where would the fun be in that if I give you a heads up?” (Y/n) asks, her eyes move to his shoulders and saw the marks she had left. “Ugh, I might’ve bruised your body.” Sebastian climbed off from her and reached for his shoulder, he could feel the bruised skin.

“At least I know I’m doing my job properly,” Sebastian says, they stood from the floor, her legs still feeling numb from the orgasms. “Hey, hey, sit down.” He carefully helps her to sit down on the couch. “I’m that good, huh?”

“Oh, shut it.” (Y/n) says, he picks up the shirt she had worn when she entered his office. “I hope we didn’t wake the kids.”

“You know them, once they’re asleep, they’re out like a light,” Sebastian says as she took the shirt from his grasp.

“Mhm, we were pretty loud.” (Y/n) mutters.

“And far away from their bedrooms,” Sebastian says as she pulls the shirt over her head. “Shower?” A soft smile appeared on her lips.

“You have the energy to shower?” (Y/n) asks causing Sebastian to chuckle as he picked up his underwear.

“We can have a relaxing bath as well, just thought maybe a shower would be quicker,” Sebastian says, (Y/n) nods her head.

“Yeah, maybe we should take a shower.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #402

“there’s a space kept in hell with your name on the seat  /  with a spike in the chair just to make it complete”

Have you ever had any really infected injuries? Not an injury, per se, but I've had at least one ear piercing get infected during the healing process. Shit sucks ass. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? "Savior" by SWARM. Are you considered popular at school? I wasn't. If you could host your own talk show, would you do it? No. I've got nothing interesting to talk about. If you were starving would you eat food out of a garbage can? I honestly don't know if I could with how squeamish I am about sharing food, even with family. And we're talking about sharing food that's been in the TRASH. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I do. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? I THINK hearing. I hate silence, so that would just be... haunting. I want to be able to hear people's voices and other sounds. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I have no idea. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? God no. They're divorced for a reason. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Some ice cream and a Mountain Dew bc I'm an emotional eater, my "graduation" pebble from my partial hospitalization program to remember how far I've come, some cold water to run over my face (or drink), my iPod for music and phone to watch YouTube, a nice, big blanket to turn into a burrito in... that kind of stuff. If you’re in a relationship, are you happy? And if you’re single, are you looking for someone? I'm not actively searching for anyone, no. What is something that people make fun of you for? Always being on the computer. It makes me EXTREMELY self-conscious, and I really wish people would keep their mouths shut about it. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? Wal-Mart. Have you ever been told that your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t good enough for you? In the past. Do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? Fuck no. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP. Someone attractive is staring at you. What do you do? Probably just kinda smile and blush and look down/away. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? *shrug* Favorite photo search engine? Tumblr for gifs, Google or Pinterest for still images, depending on what I'm looking for. Do you doggie paddle or actually swim in a pool? I'll do both, I think? It's been too long since I've swum. Ever made a snow angel? Ye-ep. Would you ever take up smoking? No. I like having operational lungs. Do you laugh at racial jokes? No. Hate to break it to ya, but they're not funny. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I've been loving Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland, even if I'm reading very slowly. My psychiatrist has given me a new way to approach my hobbies I have difficulty engaging in, so I'm hoping if I keep it up, my rate of reading will speed up! Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Ahaha, yeah... "a," "s," and "d." A true gamer. How "w" is still alive, I couldn't tell ya. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws, probably. The red ones, in specific. Last person you texted? My mom. What did you learn from your first job? That I can't work with people. Favorite website from your childhood? I was a Webkinz A D D I C T. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Cranberry came to mind very quickly. Least favorite pattern? uhhhhhhh Favorite potato food? Either French fries or Lays wavy potato chips. PC or console gaming? I grew up as a console gamer, so I'm kinda biased. Writing or drawing? Don't make me choose!! I get more satisfaction out of drawing something I'm proud of, but I do way more writing. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom, probably. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Fairy lights are so cute. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? I shit you not, none. What is your third favourite colour? Hm. Maybe rose gold, or lilac. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I'm really not sure, but I WANT to say it was one of those slide-y, compact Blueberry ones? Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? The Cheshire Cat has always been very alluring to me. What is the last thing you looked up online? The definition to a word just to ensure I was using it correctly. Have you ever had your fortune read? No. I ain't wasting time or money on that shit. Can you read tarot cards? If you couldn't guess from above, I have zero faith in this kinda stuff, so I don't care to learn. Do you prefer lemons or limes? Lemons. I like lime flavoring in some stuff, though. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? The forest. Do you own a camera? I do, a Canon EOS Rebel T6. Have you ever written a special note in a book? Yes. Early into our relationship, Jason lent me a book to read, and I wrote a lil love letter in it for him. Do you have any artistic talents? I mean I like to think I'm a good writer and a decent artist. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. It was fun because he's a horror pansy, haha. He did fine, though. What would you do if you found out you were pregnant? Freak the fuck out because I haven't had sex in many years, so that thing's coming the fuck out 'cuz it obviously ain't natural. Favorite thing to get at McDonalds? Look man, I'm shameless, I love me a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese. Plus some fries. :x Do you know anyone named Alex? I know multiple people named Alex, actually. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. In other words, it's been a loooong time.Would you ever record yourself having sex? God no. Like zero judgment to the people that do, but I get NOTHING out of watching others "do it." I've never actually tried watching porn, but I couldn't have less interest. I know I'd hate it, and a lot. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did, anyway. Have you or would you ever use a dating app? One of my most embarrassing secrets is that I was briefly on Christian Mingle. It makes me want to cringe into fucking oblivion. Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He's... a character. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? That time fucking flies, so cherish every millisecond. Do you and your friends ever talk about your sex lives? Not really. Even when I was sexually active, I was private about that stuff. I don't care if others talk to me about theirs, but odds are I'm not saying much about myself. What were the best and worst interviews you’ve ever had? What made them so good/bad? I've never had a bad interview, but I mean, I've only had I wanna say four in my whole life. None were anything special either, though. Ever put someone else in the hospital? No. Have you ever sold anything on eBay? If so, what? No. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Finding a container of puppy chow underneath the Christmas tree one year. It was my parents' way of telling me we were getting a dog (which I had been nagging them about FOREVER), and next came Teddy. <3 I miss my boy. Is someone in love with you? I wouldn't know. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? That's a hard no. Do you wear cologne/perfume/aftershave regularly? No. Do you snore? No, actually. Pretty astonishing for someone with such severe sleep apnea. When is the last time someone else slept in your bed? When Sara last visited. How often do you dust? Not... nearly enough as I'm supposed to. Mom gets on me about it all the time. What is the most ‘extreme’ activity you have ever done? Ha, nothing wild, I assure you. I guess riding a four-wheeler through the woods once with our former neighbors, who were good friends of ours.. Have you ever rode on a mobility scooter/wheelchair just for fun? Um, no? That's a jackass thing to do. Some people actually need those. Who’s the most controlling person you know? OH MY FUCKING GOD. OUR FAMILY FRIEND TOBEY. EASILY. She seizes control of EVERY situation, even if she has no right to be involved in it. Does anyone keep a photo of you in their purse/wallet, and if so, who? Not to my knowledge. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do! I like arriving in time to see them. Have you ever been burgled? No, thankfully. Have you ever entered anything into Urban Dictionary? If so, what? No. What’s the last live performance you watched on TV? No idea. Have you ever been embarrassed to buy something from a shop? Not to my recollection. It helps that I'm not the one buying things, like ever. What’s the name of one of your friends’ dogs? Buster! :') He's a precious lil bean. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A GIANT CENTIPEDE. That's one pet in the invert community that I have ZERO interest in EVER owning. Those bitches are scary. Have you ever needed to wear a tie? If so, when/why? Nope.

[maybe-homestuck-now-or-something]

I wanna connect the ideas in this post with the ideas in this post because they seem relevant to each other.

to give a basic idea of what's in each one, the first is a post that talks about how homestuck is notable as a creative work that effectively uses the language and format of the internet, in a way that resonates well with people who grew up online. my addition extrapolates to talk about how this quality also made homestuck's style of content creation appealing for others to use, and spawned a lot of creativity from the fans. basically, homestuck is a collage, not just of images, but of methods for delivering information to the audience. it uses a broad variety of experimental techniques, but the purpose of them is to make storytelling accessible. in order to convey an idea, you can use any method you want... whatever suits your purposes. by constantly varying the type of art, writing, and formatting that the story uses, it keeps the story from getting boring for the author and the audience. varying the quality and style of the visual art also implicitly accepts and encourages any kind of artwork, at any level of skill or effort, from fans. and at the same time, the story pioneers new techniques that I legitimately haven't seen used before. at some points it even leverages the design of the web page itself to service the story... it's awesome. this gets people thinking about how to tell stories in non-traditional ways, and further encourages the act of being experimental with your storytelling methods, and having fun exploring your chosen medium.

the second link is mostly just me talking about the merits of homestuck's early acts, and at one point I put a particular focus on the idea of science in homestuck. specifically, I was talking about how homestuck handles science in a way that feels very childlike, which is a positive remark. when you're learning about science in school as a kid, efforts are made to present the material in a way that is fun and interesting... and you're given a lot of tools for exploration within the context of science classes, which a lot of people don't really experience having outside of a school setting, if they aren't going into some branch of science for their career. I was observing that homestuck's aesthetic kind of calls to mind the feel of learning about science as a kid... something about the stark readability of the objects and characters, and the bright color coding of things that are important.

the connection I want to make between these two posts is that homestuck hinges a lot of its interest on the concepts of exploration, and creation. it holistically includes a lot of different themes and ideas, and it does it in such a way where the characters don't have to make it explicit... more often than not, you'll end up thinking of it yourself. homestuck simply introduces elements, and lets you form your own ideas. it puts a lot of stuff out there, and links it all together in this messy web of interconnectivity.

for example, check out this post where I added some commentary about the punch card alchemy system, and how it links the concepts of technology and philosophy. the idea is that captchas determine your humanity... but unlike real captchas, which do this by making you read something that a computer can't read, it instead makes you think in a way that a computer can't think. in order to give you access to items, this crafting system requires philosophical justification for the creation of said items. grist isn't just made up currency that exists to make you work for what you make... the amount of it that it takes to make something is only high if you think that the object you're making should be too powerful or important to be gotten for cheap. you prove your humanity by having a psychology that can assign the object meaning, and thus, value.

or what about the broader themes of biology and mythology in homestuck? there are many mentions of genetics... the goal of the game is to produce a universe via breeding, and there are the origins of each of the kids, or the fact that the chess pieces that fight on Skaia's battlefield are made in test tubes in the labs in the furthest ring... etc. but this theme also exists symbolically in the players of each session. they are people who bring their identity with them into the process of making a new universe. each player is given their own planet, which is responsive to the person it's meant for, and features a personal quest for them. and once the new universe is made, the players will preside over it as deities, and help define its culture with their values, interests, and personalities. in this way, homestuck blends the concepts of biology and mythology. in a biological sense, the kids provide the universe with traits. if they are strong/adaptable/resourceful enough to win their game, they get to pass on their influence to a universe of their own. this is why it is relevant that all the players' chumhandle initials are some combination of A, C, T, and G, which are the letters denoting nucleotide bases in DNA. but this concept also applies to heroes going through trials or completing quests to prove themselves worthy of being known as heroes. SBURB's lore automatically mythologizes the players in the role of legendary heroes to the consorts and carapacians, which pushes them to step up to the task of earning their title, and in doing so, complete the game's objectives... and the game gives them the tools to do it.

really, science, mythology, and religion all wrap into each other here in terms of the way things are named and explained. the punch card system and the frog breeding are both referred to as "alchemy" at various points, which indicates both magical and scientific roots. and the highest title that the players aspire to obtain in the game is "god tier" which implies a sort of religious connection between the players and the game's native characters who know them as legends. the magical abilities that the characters display are ambiguous as to whether they are magical, divine, or something else entirely. a lot of them are defined heavily by a character's personality and identity. the malleability of the different elements that homestuck juggles works entirely in its favor... and all of it is geared towards this sense of growth and creativity.

in homestuck, these things exist on micro and macro levels. the growth of one kid into a slightly different person as they get older, vs. the growth of an entity that will encapsulate the universe. the creation of a piece of music, a drawing, a story, a machine, a person, a plan, a planet... it all just keeps escalating, but it's all rooted in specific characters doing specific things, so we don't get lost in it all. the characters bring it all back around, letting us focus on their smaller actions while the bigger plot remains in motion. and all of this exists at the same time as all the surface level reasons to enjoy homestuck. the comic is funny, and charming, and made to be enjoyable as that. but the fact that the broader elements color the tone of it all, leaves you with the impression that there is a lot of potential in every situation. potential places for the characters to go, or things for them to do, or people for them to talk to, or things for them to make, or even ways to grow and change themselves.

and there's potential for you too. you could throw your ideas at the wall to see what sticks in this exact same way. part of reading homestuck is feeling a sense of recognition and identification with the characters. many of them are based broadly on the kinds of people who make up homestuck's audience. with interests in things like music, art, writing, RPing, programming, playing games, watching movies... they're meant to represent you, in part as parody, but in part as a way to make you feel seen and included in this narrative. as lofty as some of these concepts may seem, the people who engage with them in the text are a bunch of dumb awkward teens. you are at least as accepted as they are, and people love these characters a lot, often in spite of/because of a lot of cringey qualities or major character flaws. homestuck is here to tell you not to be self conscious. play around with your world. make your art. write your story. think your thoughts. be funny and laugh at stuff. don't be afraid of doing it badly.

this is what an accessible creative process looks like.

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Private - Nov 18

Question: why the heck are Sir Pentious and Alastor posting a weird drawing of a pink cube?

Short answer: two dorky old men griping about Kids These Days resulting in an experimental attempt to replicate modern shitposting habits.

Long answer:

11/15/2020

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 GOOD NIGHT, ALASTOR.

11/18/2020

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 I TOLD YOU GOOD NIGHT AND YOU NEVER ANSWERED ME!

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 My deepest apologies, my friend, I didn't see it! Let me make up for it, let's see... good night, good morning, good night, good morning, good night, and another good morning! I think we're caught up now.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 HA! GOOD MORNING

dontasktheradiodemon

OwwO

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 WHY ARE YOU OWWO-ING ME

🐍 ㅁ]:3~

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I'd already said good morning, I couldn't say it a second time!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 I RETURNED THE GREETING, AS I AM A HELLISH GENTLEMAN! WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO SAY IT AGAIN

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I wouldn't! Which is why I OwwO-ed instead.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TRY TO CREATE AN EMOTICON OF YOUR OWN FACE. ALTHOUGH, PERHAPS IF IT LOOKS TOO ACCURATE, IT WILL DESTROY THE EQUIPMENT!!!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 ㅋ    ㅋ

🐍 ㅇl w l

🐍 THERE

🐍 YOUR ANTLERS, YOUR MONOCLE, YOUR EYES AND YOUR MOUTH

🐍 ㅋ    ㅋ

🐍 ㅇl w l 🍖

🐍 NOW YOU ARE EATING

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Ha! Wouldn't that be something, a few characters that break machines. But I'm just fine with the one I made—it has my smile with a surplus of teeth, that's the most important part!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 MINE HAS A MONOCLE, SO IT IS MORE ACCURATE

🐍 ㅋ                  ㅋ

🐍 ㅇl wwwwww l

🐍 THERE

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Ha!

dontasktheradiodemon

ψ          ψ o̗̟̘̝̯̝OwwwO

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 NYA HA HA!

🐍 THERE, YOUR TUNING FORKS

🐍 NOT ENOUGH TEETH THOUGH

🐍 ㅁ]:3=~

dontasktheradiodemon

ψ                ψ o̗̟̘̝̯̝OwwwwwwwO

🎶 How's that? Just about enough this time?

🎶 My antlers don't seem to want to line up properly when I send them!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 THEY LOOK FINE TO ME?

🐍 MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A BETTER EMOJI

🐍 📻

🐍 🦌

🐍 🍖

🐍 👄???

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 OH IT IS A MOBILE THING

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶📻🦌🍖👄 Arrange all five in a pentagram to summon the Radio Demon! How's That for modernizing?

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 THEY ARE FINE ON MOBILE ONLY! ON THE SMART PHONES

🐍 CAN YOU BE SUMMONED VIA EMOJI? HMMM

🐍 LET'S TEST IT NOW!!!

dontasktheradiodemon

((There is now a Radio Demon in Sir Pentious's room. Poof.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( HE CACKLES

(( and sends a text anyway,

🐍 DIGITAL MEAT WORKSS JUST AS WELL!

dontasktheradiodemon

((He just sorta reads it over Sir Pentious's shoulder.))

🎶 Doesn't taste half as good, though!

((And Sir Pentious gets to witness in person that Alastor just, talks out loud, no evidence of a phone, and a moment later a message with the same text in it arrives.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( O     O..............

(( Pentious LOOKS at him like. What the Fuck! I wanna do that!!!

(( "ARE YOU A SPEECH TO TEXT MACHINE"

dontasktheradiodemon

(("Only a speech machine!" He Grins. Look at him, so mysterious. He's got a secret and he's smug about it.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( "YOU MUST HAVE A RECEIVER HIDDEN IN YOUR HAIR! OR IS IT JUST YOUR ANTLERS..."

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 You mean my antennae?

((He says and sends it at the same time. And he's grinning Even Wider, he's obviously still hiding something.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( HE HUFFS

🐍 DON'T YOU W MOUTH AT ME IN REAL TIME

(( Pentious also texts out loud sometimes, but this time, he is just doing that Cobra Breathing Thing as he looks more like an accordion than a Snake

🐍 YOUR TUNING FORKS

dontasktheradiodemon

((He is OwwOing))

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 STOP IT

dontasktheradiodemon

((He goes OwwwwO. And then he takes mercy, holds a finger over his mouth and winks—shh, we're being secretive—and pulls a phone out of his pocket. It's already on and set to microphone, so it's just. Already listening.))

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 But pay no mind to the man behind the curtain!

((And the text appears as he speaks. It somehow apparently presses "send" itself a moment later.))

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍

(( Sir Pentious whips an eggboi at Alastor

dontasktheradiodemon

((Well now there's a mess on him! òwó))

dontasktheradiodemon

((With GREAT dignity he magically peels the mess off his clothes.))

🎶 I'm going to make an omelet and I'm not going to share.

hiss-and-vinegar

(( HE'S LAUGHING, can't type, laughing too hard.... Doubled over..... Goodbye

dontasktheradiodemon

((He patiently endures it. And tries to pretend the laughter doesn't wipe out his irritation.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( weakly typing,

🐍 YOU DIDN'T DODGE IT LIKE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Most people who lob projectiles at me are a lot farther away and like me a lot less! I had my guard down.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 APOLOGIESDEERCHUM

(( oh god everything hurts from laughing so hard, he's wheezing

dontasktheradiodemon

((He pats Sir Pentious's back. There there.))

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Keep this between us, would you? I've got an image to keep up, and it doesn't involve cellular phones! That, and I don't want to attract telemarketers.

hiss-and-vinegar

(( "WHICH PART................" he is hastily deleting a post from his blog

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 The part where I have a phone.

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 There's a good portion of Hell that thinks I'm completely incapable of handling new technology! Me, a man who was on the radio before most people had radios. Insulting, but sooner or later I think it'll be useful to me for the general public to think I'm far more bumbling about all this than I really am.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 OH I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN

🐍 APPARENTLY IT WAS NEWS TO MOST PEOPLE THAT I, GENIUS INVENTOR SIR PENTIOUS, YEARS BEYOND MY PEERS WHEN IT CAME TO TECHNOLOGICAL KNOW-HOW, KNEW HOW TO USE CURRENT TECHNOLOGY!!!

🐍 WHAT, LIKE IT IS HARD????

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Really? You, of all people? Ha!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 I WAS MASTERING TECHNOLOGY BEFORE THESE CRETINS WERE EVEN AN IDEA

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 Why is it that people assume that the kind of person who was on the cutting edge in his own time is somehow the kind of person least likely to keep up with later cutting edges? As if a man who spent the 1880s farming instead of building airships is somehow going to be better at using a computer just because the public doesn't automatically associate him with "airships"!

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 LIKELY BECAUSE, MY DEER CHUM, WE ARE OLD.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 THESE CHILDREN ARE NOT DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND, THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR SEEMS TO BE COMPLETELY UNHINGED! I COULD POST A PICTURE OF A CUBE, AND WRITE IN BEAUTIFUL HANDWRITING "CUBE", ONLY FOR IT TO EITHER BE A SMASH HIT, OR NOT AT ALL.

🐍 TRYING TO STAY AFLOAT OF THESE "TRENDS" IS EXHAUSTING, BUT, IT ISN'T AS THOUGH I HAVE NO FREE TIME

dontasktheradiodemon

🎶 I believe it's not just that we're old, Sir Pent, it's that we're associated with old innovations! Most people, I've noticed, can't advance onward to technology that post dates what they grew up with. But they make the mistake of thinking that the innovators are the most calcified instead of the least!

🎶 And a cube-labeled cube is hilarious. It should be a smash hit.

hiss-and-vinegar

🐍 HA! YOU THIN K SO? THEN I'LL CREATE IT. WE WILL SEE WHAT IT LANDS!

(( he is pulling out his laptop and sitting on himself so that he can use it. It's like a jet taking off when it starts up

dontasktheradiodemon

((He's been sorta leaning around Sir Pentious to try to read as he types so he doesn't have to pull out his Secret Phone, so it's nice to be able to just bend over to look at the laptop screen over Sir Pentious's shoulder.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( it turns on with the turn of a key, and he's holding a pen in his mouth--it's not REALLY pen, just looks like one. There's a cobra head at the end of it with sharp teeth bared--looks like they fit in two holes at the corner of the keyboard itself. There's a holder for the pen, but Pentious appears to like having it in his mouth instead. Enrichment. He's grinning as he starts making something incredibly dumb

dontasktheradiodemon

((Just two old dorks grinning together while they make a shitpost))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( It's done. "EUREKA!" he shouts,

dontasktheradiodemon

((What the fuck does that say. What the FUCK does that say. He's genuinely shaking from trying not to laugh as he processes Le Kjub))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( Sir Pentious looks SO excited, raising a declamatory finger to explain it. "LE, AS IN THE FRENCH MASCULINE FORM OF 'THE', CUBE. THAT IS THE PHONETIC ALPHABETICAL SPELLING OF CUBE! PRONUNCIATION AND ALL OF THAT. AND!!!" He gestures to the screen, "IF YOU WILL LOOK HERE, DEER CHAP, THAT-- YOU SEE IT? THAT FAINT WORD? IT READS... CUBE!"

dontasktheradiodemon

((He SQUINTS. "... So it does!" This is KILLING HIM it's so deliberately terrible.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( Just idly polishing his talons on his suit coat, "AND NOW TO POST IT!"

hiss-and-vinegar

(( He STOPS, "OH, WAIT, ONE MORE BIT..."

dontasktheradiodemon

((Alastor braces himself.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( "THEY SEEM TO LOVE THIS KIND OF EFFECT."

dontasktheradiodemon

(("... You made it blurrier? Are you trying to protect its identity??"))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( "APPARENTLY, THIS IS TO MAKE IT HAVE A CERTAIN IT.... 'CRYPTID' LIKE QUALITY. ALL THE RAGE WITH THE LATEST GENERATION, ALASTOR."

dontasktheradiodemon

((He vaguely knows what a cryptid is by virtue of having been called one. "... Pfff—!" This is it, this is what kills him. He can't handle the thought of a hot pink cube being a cryptid. He's gotta sit on the floor and laugh.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( His head swivels around to watch Alastor laugh on the floor. His hood floops up, but he's grinning so wide!!!! He made the Radio Demon laugh!!!! But it was on his terms, and he's happy about that. Cobra Prrrrrr.

(( "WELL! SHALL I POST IT??? WHO KNOWSSSS WHAT WILL COME OF IT!!!"

dontasktheradiodemon

(("Yes! Put it up! René Magritte couldn't do better."

hiss-and-vinegar

(( Click click, type type. No caption, no anything just. Cube.

(( And POST!

dontasktheradiodemon

((PULLS OUT HIS PHONE to reblog it.))

dontasktheradiodemon

((He taps the screen with his pinky claw tip. Sophisticated.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( GASP. Support. He's beaming so much his entire head is smiling.

dontasktheradiodemon

((BEAMS BACK. Chums support chums' shitpost art.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( It's literally the worst shitpost, too much work went into this.... but they are happy. And he takes the pen from his mouth in order to sink the pen's fangs into those previously mentioned holes... and with that, the laptop shuts down.

dontasktheradiodemon

((Oh now that's a neat trick! "What did those fangs do, did you poison that poor machine?" He's Delighted.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( "I DID! IT ISS DEAD NOW." Prr prr prr, "BUT ACTUALLY, THERE ARE SSWITCHESS LOCATED WITHIN THE MACHINE ITSELF THAT MUSST BE PRESSED BY THE FANGS, THEY ARE FITTED."

dontasktheradiodemon

(("How clever!" Admires it. "And far better looking than the trash currently on the market. Most modern machines look like they've been carved out of panels of public restroom stalls."

hiss-and-vinegar

(( Sir Pentious begins to laugh again, and he places the laptop onto the nearby vanity, "RIGHT! THESE 'SLEEK" DESIGNSS HAVE NO STYLE AT ALL! I WANT IT TO BE SOMETHING SOMEONE WOULD WANT FOR THEMSELVESS, NOT DISGUISED TO BE PART OF A BOOK SHELF."

dontasktheradiodemon

(("Well, stylish it certainly is!" He gets up! He's probably messed around enough in here for the time being, hasn't he?

hiss-and-vinegar

(( Sir Pentious is turns to fully face Alastor now, "WELL, IT IS ABOUT THAT TIME ISN'T IT. YOU ARE WELCOME FOR THE SSSSUMMONSSS, ALASSSSTOR."

dontasktheradiodemon

(("Thank you for the brief entertainment!" A bow. "And to you, Sir... Good morning!" Grin grin.))

hiss-and-vinegar

(( "GOOD MORNING, YOU DOUBLE-YEW FACED DEERMAN." He tips his hat, "NOW GET!"

[aijee]

thoughts on “the price of mirrors”

My head is such a tumultuous storm of thoughts right now (very thematic, too, since it stormed where I live just yesterday). But life is too short to not document what felt like a really meaningful and formative writing experience. My (very long) thoughts about “the price of mirrors” below the cut:

I’m writing this during the COVID-19 crisis. Quarantine has been a, understandably, very isolating experience for many. I’ve been living on my own for a few years already, but the self-isolation has been quite difficult and melancholy. I think “the price of mirrors” was an unconscious way for me to process that loneliness I was feeling. I first watched The Great Happiness Space documentary a long time ago and revisited it last month after stumbling on more recent Youtube videos about hosting. I remembered, “Ah, I’ve always wanted to write about those loud and drowning spaces, that experience of luxury and loneliness, the desperation for love and acceptance.” The dynamic of host/clients reminded me so much of idol/K-Pop fans, many of whom go to incredible, sometimes dangerous and unhealthy lengths for their faves. I, too, was very lonely when I was younger and used K-Pop as my crutch. But how far will that dependence go for others?

Wonwoo and Mingyu (as the fic characters, not the people themselves) are meant to represent two sides of the same coin: daytime news limelight versus shady nighttime activities. Both must be experts in their words and careful of who they trust. Both bottle up who they are because of the worlds around them, leaving them to often be “someone else” in order to do their job, which itself is closely tied to their sense of purpose (e.g. Mingyu “helping” clients) and self-worth (e.g. Wonwoo getting recognition for his writing). Work culture in Korea, and many Asian countries in general, is very serious and can impede on mental and physical health. Take your role seriously and be a good cog in society’s machine.

Names are a very important motif in the story. As Mingyu tells Wonwoo, he knows just how important names are. Idols, even those with stage names, give their names and personal history to their jobs. In the K-Pop world, are the people on screen known as “Mingyu” and “Wonwoo” the same “Mingyu” and “Wonwoo” in real life? No. But the line distinguishing fantasy and reality is so blurred because of the idol system itself. This is very prevalent in J-Pop idol culture, too, which is what K-Pop idol culture was based on. An academic paper I read discussed the over-saturation of digital images in everyday life in technologically-advanced Japan (computers, digital billboards, changing picture screens in restaurants and subways, etc.). This mixes fantasy with the real world. The digital aspect isn’t played up in the fic since it’s less relevant in hosting than in idol culture, but Wonwoo still constantly struggles to figure out which parts of Mingyu are real or fake, or if there’s a black-and-white way to analyze Mingyu at all. The same can be said for idols, who are trained to sell fantasies while still being “real.”

But names are still YOU, still a complex person with flaws and feelings. Mingyu is ready to give his away because he believes in instant openness without thinking about the repercussions for the sake of doing his “role” well. Wonwoo is the opposite because journalism is a vicious arena of keeping/losing privacy, critiques, downright hate in feedback, etc. Wonwoo addresses his journal entries to Joshua because it gives him mental direction—a familiar friendly face—in expressing his thoughts. Pretty much none of the more important clients are named. Even the hosts only refer to clients by pet names, which clients eventually feel like they embody to the host. (Imagine being called “love” every time a handsome guy sees you—is it hard to start believing that he truly does love you?)

Time is also an important motif, most obviously represented by Mingyu’s watch. It’s a simple one and yet it’s incredibly expensive. This is actually based on a famous watch owned by a racecar driver (I think), which became sought after because he became famous, and the watch was one-of-a-kind despite being so simple and relatively cheap at the time it was first bought. In the fic, the watch represents the preciousness of simplicity in how you spend your time. This is achieved chiefly through Mingyu’s simple dinner with Wonwoo, but also just through their more casual conversations throughout the story.

The watch also represents the time that needs to be let go of before a new time in your life can start. Mingyu’s ex-client gave it to him before going on a blind date and meeting her future husband. Mingyu gave it to Wonwoo after deciding to move on from hosting life to start finding new meaning. Both the client and Mingyu had strong feelings for their respective recipients. What were those feelings? Who knows? Not all feelings need words to be felt or expressed. (And MinWon went on a blind date instead of Mingyu finding a new flame but that’s neither here nor there lmao.)

I’m honestly just rambling at this point, so I’ll leave it there. Aaah there are so many more things I wanna write about!! (Precarity is a real phenomenon that fuels host club culture!!! This is what I use my university resources for omg.)

Kudos and much thanks to anyone who took the time to read this!! I definitely overthought, over-planned, and over-researched for a K-Pop fic that probably won’t get much traction these days, but I genuinely enjoyed writing “the price of mirrors” so damn much and will be reading it over and over myself. If you’re not writing for yourself, then you’re doing it wrong!

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Follow In His Footsteps

lo and beholdRequest: @flowerchildqueenlovely​ : I think I would want you to write about jimmy. Like how he is handling being a hero at shield. Is jimmy and Sam together? Is Frankie on the team too? How is he coming to turn with him being a descendent of Captain America or Steve Rogers.

Pairing: Dad!Bucky & Jimmy

Words Count: 1,378

----

One-Shot from the My Eyes Universe.

Spoiler filled (and confusing) if you haven’t read the series.

My Eyes - Masterlist

His eyes stared at the screen. He was wearing glasses – not that he needed them to see. That super-soldier in his genes made damn sure that his vision stayed 20/20. It’d probably stay that way until the day he died.

No, these were those blue-light glasses that everyone insisted on buying these days. Apparently, they were better for people’s eyes, especially when they were staring at a computer screen all day.

Sam had insisted on buying both of them a pair.

And she was the only reason he was wearing them now. Jimmy didn’t have the heart to tell her that he probably wouldn’t need them. But she always told him how cute he looked in glasses. And the smile she had on her face every time she caught him in them was reason enough for Jimmy to keep putting them on.

Jimmy felt a part of warms arms wrap around his shoulders. It was a little concerning that he didn’t sense her approaching. But her energy had only ever comforted him, maybe that was why she could sneak up on him and no one else could.

He felt her press a kiss to his temple as he gripped her forearm lovingly. Her skin was hot from just getting out of her cocoon of blankets.

“Did I wake you up?” Jimmy asked with concern.

Sam chuckled breathily as she kept her arms around him. “Yeah, could you keep your computer staring down a bit. I can hear you from the other side of the apartment.”

Jimmy let out a breath of laughter. “I’m editing some photos.” Then he pulled her around and into his lap, wrapping his arms around her now. “What do you think?” He asked as he shuffled through some recent photos he’d taken.

“They’re great, Jimmy.” Then she pointed at one in particular, “That one’s my favorite.”

“Yeah?” He answered with a smirk. “Not this one?” He asked, settling on a photo of her. She had been redecorating her office: paint smeared on her cheek, wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that both belonged to Jimmy.

“Eww. Definitely not that one,” Sam cringed.

“Hey, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.” Jimmy attacked her face and neck with kisses, even gave her a playful bite.

Sam giggled and pretended to try and push him away. “Come on. Come back to bed. I need my human boiler next to me.” She tried to seal the deal with a quick kiss to his lips.

“I’ll be there in a second. Just want to finish up these photos.”

Sam narrowed her eyes a little. “Photos, huh? This doesn’t have anything to do with the mission you got back from today?”

Jimmy ignored her.

Sam caressed his cheek.

He bit his lip, trying to stop the trembling as her question brought forward all the thoughts he was trying to fight. 

“It was two kids, Sam. Maybe they were siblings – fuck, I still don’t even know. I was so close to them. The last thing they saw was me reaching out to them before the floor collapsed.”

He shakily took off his glasses and then pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I…I just keep thinking how he would’ve saved them. He was better than me. I’ll never save as many people as he did.”

Sam’s heart broke from what she was hearing. Her eyes filled with tears, but this wasn’t her loss to mourn. She had to be strong for him.

Jimmy buried his head into her chest and Sam welcomed it, running her fingers through his hair in comfort.

“James,” she only used his full name when she was about to say something important. “Your father was a martyr. The very idea of him is god-like. People remember an exaggeration of him.” Then she pulled his face up so he was forced to look into her eyes. “He made mistakes, just like everyone else.”

Sam sighed. “It’s not fair to your dad to remember him as a perfect person, and it’s especially not fair to you.”

Jimmy nodded slowly, letting her words wash over him. Sam always knew what to say. The scarier thing was that there was always sincerity and truth behind her words. She never said things just to say them.

Sam stroked Jimmy’s beard, one of the few differences between him and his dad. That and his tattoos.

“Maybe you should call Bucky, James.” She suggested gently.

He sighed, “I don’t want to worry him.”

She smirked. “Spoiler alert: that man always worries about you. I think you should call him.”

“OK,” He finally agreed.

“Wanna try to go to bed now?”

But Jimmy’s only answer was gripping her tightly and raising them both from the desk chair, carrying her in his arms back to their bedroom.

———————————————

It only takes a single ring before his deep voice is heard.

“Well, look who remembered how to use a phone again…” Bucky teased.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I’ve been bad about it,” Jimmy rolled his eyes, but knew that his father-figure had a point.

“Your mom misses you, kid.” Bucky’s tone was more serious now.

“I’m sorry. Really.” Jimmy pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve just been…really busy.”

Bucky’s back straightened at the sound of Jimmy’s voice. “Everything OK?”

“I’m fine. Sam’s fine. We’re all fine,” Jimmy quickly answered.

Bucky was silent for a second. “What’s going on, Jimmy?”

“Sam….she…uh…she thought maybe it would be good for me to call you.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, just waited for him to continue.

“My last mission…” Jimmy stopped, not really sure how to even go about telling Bucky what was going on or how he was feeling. “I couldn’t save them, Bucky.” His voice shook as he finally said it.

Bucky was silent.

“I just keep thinking about him. How he would’ve done better. Everyone wants me to be like him – if not better. And I just-I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough, Bucky. Maybe I shouldn’t have this shield.”

Bucky didn’t need Jimmy to explain who ‘him’ was – he immediately knew this was about Steve.

“Jimmy,” Bucky sighed as he rubbed his face and tried to gather his thoughts. “Jesus, sometimes it scares the shit out of me how much you’re like him. You never got to meet him and yet you still remind me so much of him.”

Jimmy’s stomach clenched at that. It was all people seemed to tell him. And it wasn’t just the media and Captain America fans. It was the people who knew and loved Steve Rogers.

“Steve wasn’t perfect. He lost people too, Jimmy. And he beat himself up about it just like you’re doing now. I don’t want to mess with the image you have of your father…but he was a flawed person just like you and me. Hell, just like everyone.”

Jimmy’s eyes swelled with tears. “I never even knew him, so why does it feel like I’m always trying to make him proud?”

Bucky’s heart hurt at Jimmy’s confession.

“Steve would’ve been the proudest dad in the world, Jimmy. And none of it would have anything to do with you taking over the mantle of Captain America.”

Bucky exhaled and shook his head. “He wouldn’t want you to try to live up to his legacy, Jimmy…because he knew that he couldn’t even do that. Yeah, he was the first Captain America. But without the shield, without the stupid uniforms… we all knew he was just Steve Rogers. He was just another man.”

A single tear escaped and slid down Jimmy’s face. He wiped it away roughly, scratching his skin in the process.

“Steve was stubborn. Didn’t know when to run way from a fight. He had trouble seeing the gray areas in issues. Sometimes he held people to too high of standards. Then he judged ‘em too harshly when they didn’t meet them.” Bucky paused his listing and took a breath. “Your father is the best man I’ve ever known, but that doesn’t mean he was perfect.”

Jimmy nodded, even though Bucky couldn’t see it.

“You talk to your mom about this?” Bucky asked carefully.

“No,” Jimmy answered quickly. “You know how much she worries about me. I didn’t want to freak her out.”

“Well, if anyone knows what Steve was like after a mission went wrong, it’s her. She might be better to talk to than me.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Jimmy?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you called.”

“Me too,” he admitted.

There was a beat and the tension disappeared.

“You treating that girl of yours right?” His voice suddenly got stern and father-like.

Jimmy laughed. “I think you and I both know if I wasn’t, she’d let me know and dump my sorry ass.”

Bucky chuckled, knowing Jimmy was right.

“How’s Frankie?” Jimmy asked about his teenage sister. It seemed like yesterday he was chasing a toddler around the house and now she was becoming a young woman.

“I swear, Jimmy...Teenage girls are a different species,” Bucky groaned.

Jimmy just laughed. “That bad, huh?”

“Sometimes she scares the hell outta me. Doesn’t help that she’s smarter than me in almost every way.” He exhaled. “But she’s good.”

Jimmy hummed. It was more of a courtesy to ask. His sister and him texted every single day.

“And mom?”

“Like I said, she misses the hell outta you. Do me a favor? Call her a bit more. I think it’s starting to get to her that she sees you more on the news than she sees you in person.”

“I know. I’m real sorry.” Jimmy sighed. “If it makes a difference, I miss the three of you like crazy.”

“I know you’re busy saving the world, punk. But you gotta have a life too, you know. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

Sam walked in then, carrying two giant bags from the grocery store.

“Is that Bucky?” She asked with a questioning look.

Jimmy nodded.

“Hi, Bucky!” She called out, making Jimmy smile.

Bucky chuckled on the line. “I’ll let you go. Give Sam a hug from me.”

“Will do.”

“And Jimmy? I just want to make sure you know that you can call me about this stuff, OK? You’re not going to freak me out. If anyone understands what you’re going through, it’s your family.” He hesitated. “We’re with you till the end of the line.”

Jimmy hummed in understanding.

“I know, Buck. Love you.”

“Love you too, kid. Stay safe. Be careful.”

“I’ll try my best.”

------------------------------------

A/N: So, I haven’t written a drabble or one-shot for My Eyes in ages. I was feeling uninspired and looked through asks and requests that have been sitting in my inbox, collecting dust. Lo and behold, I finally felt like I could write something. 

If you haven’t already and want to emerge yourself in My Eyes ask, checking out the My Eyes Asks tag. 

[amazingflyingdick]

encrypted.

WHO: Dick @amazingflyingdick, Jason @thatsjasonfkntodd & Tim @redrobin-timdrake, mentions of Slade @terminator-deathstroke WHERE: The batcave WHEN: May 15th, 2020 WHAT: Tim and Jason uncover Dick’s past with Deathstroke.

Tim: Tim didn't pay Jason much mind as he scrolled through Dick’s file. It all looked pretty standard. It wasn't like Dick kept secrets from Tim, really. He didn't know about Jason so much, but he knew what he and Dick were like.

At least, he thought he did. But when he reached that line of code Tim blinked. "Uh. This can't... mean what I think it means." If it did, then he supposed he could see why Dick was preoccupied with Deathstroke. Jason: "What do you think it means?" Jason definitely wasn't inept, but he wasn't so sure that he was seeing whatever Tim was seeing, judging by that reaction. It looked like nonsense to him, but he was willing to venture a guess that that was the incorrect assumption. Bruce was too anal retentive to put something meaningless in there, or not to know if there was some kind of error. Tim: "Hold on one sec," he said as he pulled up the source box. "Bruce has a highly sophisticated cipher that he uses in some of his files. In the less encrypted ones, which I cracked a while ago, a lot of it just looked like gibberish. I sat there scratching my head for ages trying to figure it out." He began typing the key into the source box, fingers flying across the keys. "When you enter the key, it all becomes plain." He paused for a moment, fingers hovering over the 'enter' key. Should he expose Dick like this? Well... it was too late now. And there was a part of him that was desperately curious as to why Dick had never said anything to him.

Entering the key, he sat back from the screen as the code changed to display: Confirmed physical relationship with Slade Wilson, codename Deathstroke, circa December, 2010 to November 12th, 2011.

"Confirmed..." Tim furrowed his brow before entering a few more things and nodding. "Yes. There's a link here. He hid it." Biting his lip, he glanced to Jason. "Should I... I guess I should open it, right?" They had come this far. But it felt like an invasion almost. Did he care? He was sickly curious, but what would Jason say? Jason: Jason read the line of text twice, looked at Tim, looked back to the screen. There was a stretch of silence from him as he heard Tim ask about the link. He didn't reply to it right away, but eventually he did fling his hand in the general direction of the computer to say, "What the fuck is this? Click it." If Tim hesitated, he was going to do it for him, because no way in hell was he just going to walk away like he hadn't just read that with his own two eyes. Tim: Tim swallowed before biting his inner cheek. Pulling up the photos, he took in a clear image of Nightwing sitting on a roof with Deathstroke standing behind him, hand in his hair. “What the hell?” He swallowed. “This was in Blüdhaven,” Tim said, clicking forward to Nightwing looking up at Deathstroke. “Taken by Black Widow...” Raising a brow, he looked at Jason. “Why would Black Widow be taking pictures of Dick and Deathstroke? These have to be staged.” He clicked over again and paused. “Bruce took this one.” And it was definitely not staged. “The date is Dick’s birthday.”

A clear image of the two men in suits, Dick’s arms wrapped around Slade’s neck as they... kissed. “Is it bad that I... kinda wanna throw up?” Deathstroke? Why Deathstroke? Glancing at the year, Tim’s mouth fell open and he pushed to his feet. “This was when I was Robin! I used to visit him. 2010-2011, I spent so much time with the Titans then.” Jason: The dates were significant to Jason in the sort of way that he had no memory of them. Not in the “forgotten” kind of way, but just that most of it had been in that period of time where he was no longer in the ground but not exactly a complete person yet, either. He’d been half alive and Dick was off fucking Deathstroke? Notorious assassin and all around bastard, Deathstroke?

“Obviously you weren’t paying much attention.” He couldn’t immediately place why it was anger that he felt, rather than just disgust, but it was. “Call him.” Dick: There was the familiar sound of someone entering the Batcave from above, followed by Dick's ringtone, and he was fishing his phone out of his pocket when he came into view. He laughed when he saw Tim's name on the screen and glanced at him. "Perfect timing, I guess. What are you two working on?"

Leaning against the edge of the desk, his brow furrowed as he studied the image on the screen. People kissing? Okay. "Who a -" The question died in his throat. His hand against the desk clenched and all the color slowly drained from his face as he realized what he was looking at. Narrowing his eyes, he looked at Tim and then at Jason. "Where did these come from?" Tim: "Why don't you tell us?" Tim asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Is this why you wanted me to 'look into Deathstroke', Dick? Because that's pretty messed up." He shook his head, looking at Jason. He did anger better. Was he angry? Or wasn't he? Was Tim being a jerk? Well... he was mad anyway. Jason: “What does it matter where they came from?” Although he had no intention of leaving out that information for long. “You get to ask zero questions right now. What the hell is this?” He gestured toward the screen again, his movements sharp, and got up to move until he was standing right beside Dick. “Except for the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen, I mean.” Dick: Dick was still in shock. He knew when and where that picture was taken even though it was years ago. Seeing it here, in Bruce's files, when he didn't even know it existed left him cold. This was his file. He recognized it. There was no footnote. Did that mean Bruce took this picture?

He was silent as Tim spoke, but the tightness in his jaw and the rigidity in his body signaled his slow, rising anger. Jason's accusation made him jerk back, as if he'd been burned, and he snatched a paperweight from the desk. Without warning he hurled it at the center of the screen. The image shattered into a complex spiderweb and most of it went black. 

Dick turned to Jason, pointing at the broken computer as he moved right up in his face. "Fuck you, Jason. You don't know anything." Tim: Tim literally flinched when Dick lifted the paperweight. "Dick no!" he tried as the smashed the screen. "Are you serious?!" He cried. As he swore, his eyes widened, darting to Jason and standing stricken. How were they going to explain the broken computer to Bruce or Babs? Babs was going to kill him. Jason: The busted screen was the least of his worries, and it didn’t erase anything besides. Everything Dick was running from was still going to be waiting for him, even if they weren’t standing there looking at it.

When Dick got close to him, Jason felt a shot of heat run up the back of his neck. He’d take that challenge. He took advantage of the lack of space and grabbed the front of Dick’s shirt in one fist. “I know a few things. Two really important ones. You were fucking somebody who kills for a dime and crawling back up on your pedestal when you were done. How’s the view from way up there, Dickie?” Dick: Even though Dick could hear Tim yelling, he could barely make sense of the words. His ears were ringing and he still wanted to hit something. He wanted to hit Jason, but as soon as he felt the impulse he shoved back against him. "Get off of me."

He laughed, but the sound was forced. "So that's how you want to frame it, huh? You have no idea what it was like back then. So weave whatever narrative you want. I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not. I'll gladly take hypocrite." Tim: As he watched Jason grab Dick and then the resulting shove, he darted forward to put his body right between Jason and Dick's. "That's enough. We're not getting into a fist fight in the Batcave." One hand rested on each brother's chest, keeping them apart.

Looking over at Dick with a sharp gaze. "What the fuck is going on, Dick?" He could tell it was important, because of Dick's immediate reaction. He had needed a moment to process what was going on, but now he had. He could tell that this wasn't just embarrassment. This was something else. "Explain." Jason: “Yeah, I was busy being dead and then wishing I’d stayed that way. Super sorry I didn’t have time to get the details on your love life with Deathstroke, bro. I get to write my own narrative because you,” he raised his finger at him again, “never said shit about any of it. You don’t get to be pissed at us.”

There was a moment where he genuinely considered just shoving Tim out of the way. He certainly didn’t give a damn that they were in the Batcave. What better place for it, really? It was Bruce’s files that broke the news anyway. He only chose not to because he still wanted an answer. Dick: Tim's palm on his chest was the only thing that kept him from shoving Jason back again. Dick's fists were clenched, but he was shaking hard underneath Tim's hand. Maybe they did only want an explanation, but that wasn't what he was hearing. It was all accusations and anger.

"You're right, you were dead. You died months before any of that ever happened. You think you died in a black hole, Jason? It just didn't affect anyone else? I'm not playing your I suffered the most because I actually died and then came back and went through hell game. Why should I tell you anything? You don't care to know anything about my life or about me. You never have. Just because you get the chance to call me out for shit that I..." He suddenly found it hard to continue, so he switched focus. "I don't know what I expected. The benefit of the doubt, maybe. From Tim, at least."

He turned and went back over to the computer. By the time he got there he was starting to feel overwhelmed by what this all meant - not only for him, but for Bruce and the rest of the family. He rested an elbow on the desk and leaned his forehead against his hand, his jaw tight. Tim: Tim swallowed, looking at Jason as Dick walked away, watching him sink into the chair. What was going on? He swallowed before giving a breath. He wasn't going to be able to be outward in his emotions. It was better he didn't. So he schooled himself. If they wanted any information, they were going to have to let up. It was clear that Dick was freaking out, and maybe they should ask.

When he was calm, Tim moved over to the chair, resting a hand on Dick's shoulder. "Dick... what's going on? Can you just... explain it?" Jason: He could have continued yelling, and that was both his first instinct and what he wanted to do, but he wasn’t going to give Dick the satisfaction of feeling right about fucking anything. So he didn’t. He bit it back, quite literally, and chewed at the inside of his cheek.

Let Tim be empathetic if he wanted to be. Let him worry. Jason wasn’t going to. He didn’t make a move toward either of them again, and instead stood apart with his jaw set. Dick: Dick lowered his hand when Tim touched his shoulder, exhaling softly. He could explain it even though he didn't want to. They deserved to know something that had the potential of affecting them directly. "I made a mistake, Timmy," he said quietly. "A big mistake. You remember what I told you recently? About how Bruce and I were estranged for a year? I barely ever saw him. I was angry with him, that he didn't..." He stopped, his gaze shifting to Jason briefly. "It made me... confused about what I believed in. What I should believe in."

Bringing up Slade was the difficult part. A long silence passed before he continued. "I know it's hard to believe now, but there was good in Slade. He helped the Titans and things were changing, I thought. Bruce's black and white thinking didn't make sense to me anymore. Nothing he said made sense. I was convinced he was wrong about everything, and... it got out of hand." Tim: "So what? You just... it was an accident?" How could it have lasted for a whole year, then? He shook his head before pulling back. "That doesn't make any sense, Dick. And Deathstroke is more than just 'out of hand'." How could he have let this happen? Deathstroke was a really bad guy. Murder for money. No remorse. And it wasn't like Jason. Jason killed but only really bad men. Deathstroke killed whomever got him paid the most.

Looking over at Jason, he blew out a breath. "Dick moved to Bludhaven before you came back. I remember because Slade Wilson used to help the Titans train. I remember meeting him." Jason: For once, he continued to keep the roll of thoughts in his head trapped there, rather than speaking all of them. If he had it all wrong, Dick did, too. What was he going to do, though? Assuage his anger and say that he had cared, had wanted to know. It wasn’t as though Bruce and Dick hadn’t been good enough for him. He hadn’t been good enough for them. Hearing it that twisted was a joke.

“Yep. Put that together,” he said flatly. Dick had been in Bludhaven by the time Jason made it back to Gotham. He’d done his research, connected the dots. “There’s dates in that file. Over a year. That’s not out of hand, that’s a relationship.” He was still angry, desperately angry, but his tone was ice cold. Dick: "No, it wasn't an accident. It was a mistake, that whole year. I made a mistake when I believed Slade could change. I made a mistake in trusting him. I made mistakes over and over and over again. I just didn't know they were mistakes at the time. I believed in him. Almost like..." He stopped, deciding against making that comparison.

It was harder to justify the part about Deathstroke. "I know, Tim. I know. But he had his moral codes, he just..." It wasn't like Jason's. Dick knew that. He closed his eyes for a second and shook his head. "A relationship, fine. It was still a mistake to have it. I was still stupid to want it. I was naive to believe in it. What else am I supposed to say? I was wrong about everything." Tim: "Almost like what?" Tim asked. He wasn't about to let that lie. Dick had been about to say something, and he wanted to understand. He needed Dick to be open. No sensoring.

This was all too much. Tanya had been weird enough. At least she was repentant. He didn't think Slade Wilson had ever once felt bad about a contract. "What good did you see in him? I knew you let him train the Titans, but I always thought it was more of like a needs must, enemies closer situation." Jason: “Are your mistakes the reason you’ve got us chasing him all around the fucking city?” Dick had said it was because Slade would be there to kill someone, and while that had made perfect sense at the time, now he was hard pressed to believe there was a single simple layer to it. Jason knew as well as anyone that you didn’t hand someone a year of your life and then actually walk away entirely. That wasn’t how it worked. Some piece stayed, even if it was tiny, and if that wasn’t true then Dick wouldn’t have had such a meltdown over being confronted with it.

“Say the rest of it. All of it. You think nobody wants to know you, Goldie, but here we are asking.” Maybe he wasn’t reigning it in as much as he’d thought. Dick: Dick just shook his head at Tim's question. It wouldn't sound right if he said it. As desperately as he wanted to be open with his family, it was because he wanted acceptance. But this entire conversation only highlighted all the reasons why he shied away from it. The only reason he kept going was because they asked for answers and he was doing his best to provide them. "He helped people when he didn't have to, when there was nothing in it for him. He didn't take all contracts. I knew he wasn't evil."

Jason's question made him grit his teeth. "No. And I didn't ask you to chase him, Jason. I asked you to let me know if you heard anything. I told everyone to say away from him. I just didn't think you'd be too dumb to do it."

The nickname made him jump to his feet. "You know what? I'm sick of hearing that. You force this image on me and you put me on a pedestal because you need me to validate your complex. And Bruce, Bruce puts me on there and pretends all that -" He gestured to the computers. "Doesn't even exist. You know he never even talked to me about that? Ten goddamn years and I had no idea he even knew. It's more important to him to hide the truth than it is admit that I'm not who he wants me to be." Tim: He nodded. Dick had been young. Tim remembered when he had been young. Tim, of course, had been young too. He remembered that Dick had believed harder. It disappointed him that Dick didn't go back to the train of thought he cut off, but he could tell that this was hard. Tim just really wished he understood why.

He winced as Dick talked about the expectations on his shoulders. And about Bruce. Bruce did this to all of them. They all had the desire to please him. Dick had to be perfect, Tim had to prove he was worthy of following Dick and Jason. Jason tried to run from his desire to please Bruce, but none of them could really escape it. "Dick... it's okay. Really. We're your brothers. We're just trying to figure out what's happening?"

He swallowed, trying to think. "He's not here in Star City for you, is he? Are you afraid that's it?" Jason: “I put you up there? You think I wanted to spend all that time trying to get to you to satisfy my complex that I didn’t have yet? I wanted a fucking father, I wanted to give Bruce what he wanted, and all he wanted was you.” And Dick had been too busy not wanting a real part in any of it anymore to give a damn about what that had looked like on the other side.

It was almost a shame Dick had already shattered the screen, because it would’ve been a perfect moment to do it himself. Instead, he swiped a hand over his mouth and just shook his head. “Maybe I don’t know anything, but neither do you. And Bruce knows all of it and doesn’t care.” Dick: Dick sighed, but shook his head. "He isn't here for me, Tim. It was ten years ago. It has nothing to do with me." He still wasn't sure why, unfortunately.

Everything Jason said eliminated his anger instantly. Dick stared at him, shocked and devastated to hear aloud some of the things he always feared were true, but never knew how to ask. There were things he wanted to tell Jason about his death, but he wasn't willing to turn it back around to be about himself, not after hearing that. Instead he said nothing.

"I want to know," he finally said quietly. Tim: That was good, at least. Because Deathstroke was... strong. He had beaten Bruce. He was smart, too. Maybe smarter than Tim. Dick would be compromised if Slade came for him. Because he was clearly compromised just talking about it. This was something that Tim didn't know. He didn't understand but he wanted to, as he wanted to understand and know all things so he could process them. This was true for Dick and Jason both.

"We can know," Tim said. "But I told you once that we can't lie to each other. Remember that, Dick?" He blew out a breath and looked between his brothers. His family. "Fighting about our greater issues isn't going to do anything. Jason is right that Bruce does know. I'm sure he does care, but even if he doesn't, he knows a hell of a lot more than we do. Even if we read all the files. It's just words on paper."

Pushing a hand through his hair, he sighed. "You know that we should work together. No secrets." The reason he had come back to the fold after Bruce had returned to the cowl, even when he had kept Damian on, was because he knew that the family fought better together. Even with their pain and their trauma. Because all of those things fit together like a puzzle piece. The three of them, especially, made a balance that was unstoppable. The head, the heart, and the fist. "When we hide from each other, things like this happen."

His eyes turned to Jason and then to Dick. "I know I don't have the same issues with Bruce that you guys do, but our relationship isn't perfect either. The three of us are always going to understand each other better than anyone else. No one else in the world has quite had what we did. Not even Dem--" He paused, stopping himself. "Damian."

He was trying to be the voice of reason here. Dick's conviction about the strength of their bond, the knowledge that they were a better weapon joined as one than separate to keep Jason, and his own gratification that there was some insight to be gained here.

"Dick... I think you should start from the beginning of all... this. And you can't leave anything out. If you want us to know, we have to know. I said to you before that sometimes I have trouble being open. I learned it from Bruce. But we--the three of us--have to have each other's backs and interests. We can't do that if we're at each other's throats." He hoped that sounded fair. "We can't do that if we don't know everything." Without knowledge, they could miss important connections and patterns, misconstrue things. End up with pain like Jason and Dick were expressing. Tim needed to channel them. This was an opportunity. And Tim very much wanted to understand. Jason: Jason had said more than he’d really intended to already, even in the context of pointing out even a fraction of what Dick didn’t know, and if he could have pulled the words back into his mouth he would have done that. He couldn’t, so he let Tim rattle off his speech about brotherhood instead and let the moment die. If Dick was fine being labeled a hypocrite, then he was fine going along with the idea that he coveted whatever complex he supposedly had.

He put a little distance between himself and the two of them until he had his back against the wall and his arms folded. “All ears,” was the only comment he offered up. He’d said plenty. More than plenty. Dick: Dick was still looking at Jason, frowning, but he didn't interrupt what Tim was saying. It made sense and he was proud of him for taking on the role he usually fell into. "I know. You're right." It never should have been a secret. At some point he should have told Bruce, at least, even though he knew now that Bruce had been aware of what was happening the entire time. 

It occurred to him that Bruce must have found out before his birthday if he'd been able to get the photo. Suddenly all the tension from that time made a lot more sense.

After a long pause, he slowly took a seat at the computer chair. Running a hand through his hair, he winced when Tim stressed that he start from the beginning and not leave anything out. It was the last thing he wanted to do, even if he understood why Tim would want to make sure every detail was covered and nothing important slipped by him. "Um... okay.” It surprised him that Jason was still there, but he was grateful despite how he didn't want either of his brothers to hear this. He still needed them there.

But he struggled to start. He wondered how clinical and brief he could make it without Tim forcing him to backtrack and elaborate.

“So…” His throat already felt dry. He kept his gaze down and spoke in a quiet, matter-of-fact way, and continued to tell himself that he owed Tim and Jason this information after keeping it to himself for so long. “Deathstroke was in Bludhaven. I tried to stop him from a hit, but I got there too late and she was already dead. I was mad, so I went to his safehouse. And I was even angrier than usual because… by then, I had seen how he was capable of doing good things. He asked me to train Rose because he wanted her to grow up with morals. I saw him lose his son, his wife, and we’d worked together. I cared. And I didn't understand why he would choose Deathstroke and abandon the good things he had in his life. So, I went there to yell at him, or lecture him, I don’t know.” He laughed softly. “I was an idiot. Just showed up in the middle of his kitchen with some morality lesson.” It was funny in retrospect, sort of. It was a miracle Dick was still alive. “We argued. I wasn’t getting anywhere. At some point he wanted me to give him another reason to change. I don’t know why I said it, but… I cared. So I asked that he do it for me. He agreed, and that’s how it started. Okay?” He was fine giving details about the conversation, but he wasn’t about to explain what happened after they stopped talking. Tim: As Jason closed off, Tim bit down a sigh. He could have some time with Jason later. He thought that Jason needed it and perhaps he should have tried to have some time with him earlier. He had known, of course, that Jason felt displaced, and Tim did understand the feeling of trying to be good enough. It wasn't quite like Jason's, and he wouldn't claim that it would be. Regardless, he didn't want Jason leaving this heated and then deciding to just fall off the planet. He was finally here with them.

But this was about Dick right now. Dick and Deathstroke. Thankfully, as Dick started talking, Tim listened and the other seemed willing to tell them what had actually happened. This all sounded wild. Hard to believe. It wasn't really that Tim thought Dick was lying, so much that he didn't think it was possible for Deathstroke to agree to any level of change. What was Dick to him that he had agreed to that? It must be some kind of game that Slade was playing, or some manipulation he had concocted for Dick to believe because he was naive enough at eighteen that it had just was bound to happen. Already, Tim's mind was work. Did Dick know why he did it? What had Deathstroke really wanted?

He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest in almost a mirror of Jason, though that was unintentional. He just needed to think. "How did it go from a conversation to a relationship?" He asked. "Was he just... lying? Or did he actually change?" Tim hated that he didn't remember the details, but he hadn't really thought to focus on Deathstroke at the time. He had just believed Dick when he said that the threat he posed was more or less neutralized thanks to the alliance he had with the Titans.

Jason: Jason had never looked into Deathstroke's entire record closely enough to know if there was really a period where he'd stopped taking contracts. It seemed difficult to believe that the guy would just drop off the entire map for a year with the reputation he had, and had worked up for essentially as long as either Jason or Dick had been alive. If he'd actually put that aside for an entire year, even if he went right back to it after the date in the file, he was going to be genuinely shocked.

"What'd you get out of that whole thing? Just the gratification of thinking somebody turned it around for you?" If he wanted to take that as a hateful question, Jason didn't really care, though he hadn't entirely meant it that way. It would't have exactly come as a shock to learn that Dick god off to the idea that he could fundamentally change someone, though. Dick: "Yeah, Tim. He was lying," Dick said simply, his tone direct and oddly emotionless. "But he seemed to change. He didn't take many jobs. He spent most of his time helping the Titans. It was different." He was about to continue, but stopped at Jason's question. At this point his rage had already been snuffed out and the question stung, but he tried not to let it show. "No," he replied quietly, but another silence stretched on before he continued, with effort. "He knew me, and he never asked me to be anything more than what I was. I didn't have to be perfect or put up an act. I could just... I don't know. Exist."

He realized he'd never explained how it went to a relationship, but he didn't know how to. "A lot of things led to it, Tim. I don't know how it happened. It was too gradual. It wasn't ever... officially anything." There was one big incident that he was inclined to skip over, but he remembered what Tim said and he knew he couldn't leave it out. "At one point I found out Joker was in Bludhaven. Happy's, remember that place? The casino? I made a plan to go after him. By myself. I didn't want to involve the Titans." Or Bruce. "I thought I was prepared, but Joker pretty much handed my ass to me. I wouldn't have made it out if Slade didn't show up." Tim: Tim swallowed, glancing to Jason. If Slade had made Dick feel secure, he was sure that had meant something to him, but... of course Deathstroke had lied. He was a liar. A murderer. He wondered what his angle was. All Tim remembered was that suddenly he had left the Titans, Rose tried to kill Dick, and then there was the whole thing with the fake Titans. He didn't know that much, but he knew he enough.

His breath caught, though, when Dick said he went after the Joker. He had said that in front of Jason? Like Dick had thought the Joker would just go down after he had murdered their brother without a thought? And what was Deathstroke doing there anyway? He didn't want to say anything out loud, but why would Deathstroke have dated Dick, allied with the Titans, and saved Dick from the Joker? There was a part of him who wondered if he hadn't collaborated with the Joker to gain Dick's trust. Dick wasn't an idiot, and Slade probably knew that. Still, he kept his mouth shut about that. "You went after the Joker alone? After... what happened to Jason?" Jason: Whether he believed that answer completely or not, he wasn’t incapable of seeing what the appeal of it was. He wasn’t unfamiliar with the relief that came with being someone who didn’t have the same expectations of you that everyone else did, even if he’d been at least partially incapable of figuring out the first time around that he had that with Roy. He didn’t really want to compare the two, similarities or not. Dick had still expected a change out of Slade in the same breath that he said Deathstroke just let him ‘exist.’ He wasn’t fully willing to withdraw his hypocrite accusation yet.

His concern over Deathstroke wavered at mention of Joker, though. Unwilling to listen to another implication that he was making the conversation about himself, he settled for letting his nostrils flare rather than immediately speak. There was a long delay before he finally did. “Was he keeping tabs on you or was that just a coincidence that he could swoop in and save you?” Dick: Dick was a little surprised by Tim's reaction, but he looked at him for a moment before shaking his head. "I went up against the Joker plenty of times before then on my own, Tim. Plenty of times after, too." He wasn't going to bring up one particular time and he hoped Tim wouldn't either. This wasn't the time for it, especially because there was a lot more he needed to talk about with Jason after he answered everything they wanted to know.

"It wasn't a coincidence. I told him what I was doing." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Dick realized how it sounded. "I never even..." He had to stop again. It was too much to go back and analyze it, look at it in a different light, and make new revelations that he was't prepared to handle. "Joker was expecting me. You're thinking Slade tipped him off, right? That he set it up." How did he never even consider that? "You're probably not wrong. I never... even suspected it. Not until right now. The thought was never in my head." Tim: Tim swallowed. It wasn't that he hadn't known that, but the times that Dick had squared up with the Joker had always been dangerous. He would worry about Dick regardless. But Jason had been freshly dead then. And he knew about Dick's bullet wound. Dick had told him about it not too long ago. So the times he had gone after the Joker before that had been dangerous too. Just because he did do it didn't mean he should. But they shouldn't dwell on what they should and shouldn't do. They had all done things they shouldn't have. "You're right," he acceded. "I'm sorry. Go on."

Dick was quick to catch on to what Tim and Jason were both thinking and Tim pressed his lips together. He didn't want to say that to Dick because... it was clear that Slade had made him believe something. It was clear to Tim that talking about this hurt Dick, but... it wasn't unlikely that Slade had had something to do with it. "Bruce once said that Deathstroke plays games. His manipulation is in his files. And you remember how he was with Terra before everything got better and he allied with the Titans." He had made a team member turn again the Titans. Dick and the team had apparently forgiven him--even Gar--but it was a prime example that it wasn't unheard of that Slade might have been in league with the Joker or might have at least told him.

He sighed before running a hand over his face. "What does all this mean now, Dick?" He asked. "How should we deal with him? Because I'm not letting you deal with this by yourself." Jason: What had Dick really thought? That Deathstroke was going to turn hero for good? Most people were incapable of turning over a new leaf that thoroughly, and more than that...not many wanted to. Jason didn’t exactly have the same gooey moral center than Dick and Tim did, but despite how vehemently they often got opposed he did at least have moral guidelines. But Deathstroke? Not even Dick could just manifest something that wasn’t there. “If he’ll throw in with somebody like Black Mask, there’s nothing stopping him from doing it with Joker, too.” He’d accused Dick of being naive with Tanya, and he’d been right, but this was even worse.

“What do you think you’re going to do, Tim? Nicely ask him to fuck off? I used bullets and the only way I got him down was because he was poisoned.” Apparently. That had been the claim he’d made at the docks, anyway. Dick: "I know. I wasn't really listening to Bruce anymore, Tim." The only reason Dick went to Gotham was to see Tim, check in, and he rarely even saw Bruce. They avoided each other for an entire year. He knew now that Bruce had been right, but he couldn't silence the nagging doubt completely and he was frustrated, tired. At some point he knew he would have to accept what everyone was showing to him and not be so naive. "He was convincing. Even now, I..." He quickly stopped and shook his head.

This is where he knew the conversation was headed. Dick winced and held up a hand. "No. It was ten years ago. Nine. Whatever. It was a long time ago. We need to find out who he's here for. That's still the plan. But if it comes down to a confrontation, then he's mine. I know how he fights. I know him better than both of you, and I deserve to be the one to take him down." Tim: "Even now what?" he asked. He was certainly aware that there was something else to this. Dick wouldn't still be so weird about it if there wasn't. He had a thousand questions he wasn't asking just yet because they weren't relevant even if they would burn through his brain if he didn't eventually ask. But that one he wouldn't let lie. Even now what.

"I'm not actually an idiot, Jason, much as you like to say 'I thought you were the smart one'. There are ways to deal with a guy you can't beat with a gun." Deathstroke was all about his bottom dollar. Tim could drain him dry without leaving the batcave if he wanted to. "Plus the three of us are stronger than just you, me, or Dick." If they wanted to take down Deathstroke, he could put his research to use, Dick's understanding of his emotions or at least an intimate understanding of the way his manipulation worked, and Jason could beat the hell out of him. He was confident they could do it and Bruce wouldn't need to be involved at all.

Tim set his jaw. "That's a bad idea. He knows how you think, Dick. And he helped train you some when you were with the Titans. He probably knows how you fight, too. We can help with this." Jason: “So you can go alone and get your ass kicked? Or killed? Unless you’re banking on the idea that he wouldn’t do that.” Which was even more stupid than practically anything else he’d heard. “If you know him, he knows you. Probably better.”

He lifted one hand in an impatient gesture. “I’m sick of going back and forth about this. If you want Deathstroke out of here, we can’t exactly do that without getting him. If he’s got a contract in the city, he can’t complete it if we get his ass out of here before. Lure him out and we’ll deal with it.” Dick: Dick shook his head and made a gesture to indicate it didn't matter. It didn't, really. The confusion he still carried over the events of so many years ago made no difference. It didn't help to talk about it.

What he didn't want to consider was how well Slade knew him, even though it was true. He couldn't deny it. "I'm not the exact same as I was when I was eighteen, Jason." The years made him a better fighter. Even though he wouldn't bring it up, fighting against Jason had played a big role in that. He had also beaten Bruce. His skill and ability wasn't at question, but he was legitimately unsure if he would be able to go through with it. He wanted to think he could.

"Lure him out? How?" Dick frowned, looking between Jason and Tim. "I don't want him dead."

Tim: Tim was definitely cornering Dick after this. He kept pushing things off and Tim didn't like it. He wasn't having it, but now wasn't the time to call Dick out. He had things he wanted to know but he could wait.

"Well... there a number of ways that you could do it. But... have you considered just flipping the switch? He made you believe he cared for you..." He didn't like suggesting it and he didn't know if Dick would go for it, but it would be one way to make Slade lower his guard. If he already thought Dick was manipulable, then it would be a good way to go about it. Dick had used his charms before but never quite like this. Jason: "What, you think Deathstroke hasn't paid attention in those ten years? Come on, man. Don't be stupid. He didn't forget you exist." Especially because they'd all crossed paths with him at least once since then, including Bruce.

He couldn't keep himself from rolling his eyes. "You don't have to prostitute him. Christ. I'll set up a fake job and make sure he knows the buyer is out for Deathstroke. Surprise, you're the buyer." Dick: Dick shook his head immediately. "No, I'm not doing that." The thought of manipulating Slade in that way made his stomach turn and he recognized the feeling: guilt. Setting up a trap didn't feel any better, but he knew it could be the only way to prevent Slade from killing someone. That was why he was here. There was no other reason that made sense.

After a long, long pause, he sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk and rubbing his head. The thought of pitting his brothers against Deathstroke and the very real possibility of them getting seriously injured gnawed at him. It made him feel sick. "No killing. No lethal force. We just get him down and bring him in." He never seemed to wind up in prison, but at least he'd be in jail while awaiting trial. That bought them a lot of time. Tim: "I wasn't saying prostitute him--which is a valid life choice by the way, Jason. Get woke." It was a bad joke, but the entire room was incredibly tense. He blew out a breath before sighing. "It would have worked, though."

He paused at Jason's suggestion. It was... actually a good one. Not that he thought that Jason wasn't smart. He just... wouldn't have thought of it that fast. But he supposed the Dark Web was more his world. "We're actually doing this?" Tim did have the money, if they needed it to be legit. But... jeez. "Should we... I'm guessing we shouldn't tell Bruce?" Jason: Jason just stared hard at Tim, but since he wasn’t close enough to him to respond the way he wanted, he elected to not acknowledge it any further. Asking Dick to manipulate Slade because they’d been involved was actually worse, as far as he was concerned, but since his idea was markedly better he was just going to pretend like Tim’s hadn’t existed at all.

“We do it or risk Deathstroke completing whatever contract he took to get here and then bailing.” Besides, when was the last time Jason had a real challenge? Even if Dick was insisting on no lethal force, taking Deathstroke down in any sense was going to take some planning. “Fuck that. He gave up his right to be involved ten years ago.” Dick: Dick shook his head slightly, but he didn't say anything. If Slade truly had lied to him all those years ago, then he wouldn't even have any incentive to meet up with him for a reason like that. Not unless he thought he could use it to his advantage.

"It can't happen," he said quietly. If Slade did follow through with the contract and someone died because he dragged his feet, he wouldn't be able to live with it. "And we're not telling Bruce. He knows Sl - Deathstroke's here. He obviously knew everything and never said a word." Leaning back in the chair, his gaze caught the second screen that had the words from the file instead of the pictures. "He wrote it down. Like it's kryptonite or something."

Annoyed, he ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. "If we do this, if we plan it all out, then I'm going in alone. He'll use both of you against me. Like you said, he... knows me. If I hesitate, it risks your lives. I won't do that." Tim: Tim scoffed. “No. Sorry, but that’s not going to work. I’m not letting you and Jason is good at this stuff. He actually runs in this world. You’re not going alone.” Tim would literally create an annotated file, with footnotes, as to why it was a dumb idea for Dick to go alone. So help him, he would. And they ought to expect that of him.

He looked over to Jason. “Back me up here, Jay.”

Jason: “Yeah, not happening. If you were going alone you would’ve already done it.” He hadn’t. He’d been chasing ghosts. Now that he and Tim were involved, there was no way in hell he was going to set the whole thing up and then twiddle his thumbs while Dick did whatever he thought he was going to do. Fight him? Or try to reason with and persuade him again? Not even Dick could be that naive.

He uncrossed his arms and stood up straight. “We’re helping. You can have the first word and the last one if you want it. I don’t care.” Dick: This was exactly how he knew they would respond. It made it even more difficult to explain why he didn't trust himself to carry this through without putting one (or both) of them in danger. Gritting his teeth, he shook his head slightly. "Jason." His voice was strained and almost pleading. He breathed in to continue, explain, but he knew there was nothing he could say that would alter the plans set in place - and if he disagreed entirely, there was no doubt someone would die as a result of his hesitation. Tim: Tim reached out, putting his hand on Dick's shoulder, tipping his head back to look him dead in the eye. "Not this time, Dick. If we work together, no one's going to get hurt." He shook his head, looking at Jason. The expression was set, firm. This was something they could do together. They didn't need Bruce. They could get Deathstroke.

Jason: “That’s it then. Get me a timeline. I’ll figure out details for the job.” It had to be believable. It wasn’t like Slade was an idiot; he’d be able to sniff out something obviously fake. Tim could take it from there. “Unless anybody else has some feelings to share, I’m done here.” And even if they did, he’d had his fill of them for the day.

Dick: Dick knew things didn't always work out that way, but he didn't argue with Tim. He wanted to believe that it would all go to plan. If this were anyone else, he would, but the situation was too unique - and too raw, even after a decade. He seemed about to say something, but then he just nodded instead, not looking up from the desk. Tim: Tim nodded, pulling away from Dick completely to look at Jason. “I can help you put out the pings. And any kind of financial justifications... I can be that guy if you need?” He could create an encrypted account so it wasn’t traced back to him and allocate his trust. He blew out a breath. “We don’t tell Bruce and... we handle this quietly. Deathstroke won’t hurt anyone.” Least of all Dick.

Jason: “Sure, Timmy. Later.” For the time being, he was done. He needed time to process that didn’t take place near either one of them, and he had nothing else to say that was going to get anywhere. He glanced briefly to the two of them before making his exit. He was stuck in the manor for the time being, but he could go claim a different part of it.