#i want somebody strong who i trust to tell me it’s ok

[undiscovered-horizon]

"A hammer and an anvil" - Hvitserk x Reader

<I just wrote the dialogue, liked it a lot and wanted to make it into something ok? T_T>

SUMMARY: You're the daughter of a foreign jarl who hasn't chosen sides in the war of young Lothbroks. Neither can you. The consequences would be far-reaching and dire. However, your will is not as strong as your father's and should Hvitserk ask, you know the guilt will not stop you from being by his side. The question is: will he?

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1k

People call that arrangement by different names: between the Devil and the deep sea, between a hammer and an anvil or between a rock and a hard place. No matter where the point actually is, Hvitserk is there. And it shows.

Has he made the right choice siding with Ivar? Was the choice ever his to make? What if Ivar, desiring your father's great army, whispered a few sweet words into your beloved's ear?

You're watching him stare at the ceiling in your hut. For the first time since you've met him, Hvitserk's eyes are vacant. Normally shining with mischief and his merry persona, now they're empty. Dead. He starts to feel like somebody else.

Hvitserk's fingers are slowly dragging against your skin, painting patterns with no rhythm or merit. Truthfully, he seems to be oblivious to his little habit.

Examining his profile, you can see your shield in the corner of your eye. The green paint on it is supposed to symbolise vitality and greed but now, considering the consequence of the days to come, it's the colour of grief and fear. Behind the shield is hidden your sword, freshly sharpened. Hvitserk was eager to do it for you and at first, you thought it was just him doing something for you like he always does, but now, watching his chest rise and fall in ragged breaths, you're beginning to think he just wanted to have something to do. Some way to occupy his busy mind.

The inside of your home is warm - the countless furs and burning fire. Despite that, your body feels cold as though the dread residing in the pit of your stomach is already pulling you towards your grave. Whether literal or figurative, you're not quite sure.

"Can you promise me something?" you whisper. The sound of your voice is quiet enough to almost be drowned out by the cracking firewood.

But Hvitserk heard you. He listened. Like he always does.

He tilts his head to look at you. Your noses are maybe an inch apart. His lips are curved into a smile but the sad, blank look in his eyes has stayed; his freight is arrogant enough to make itself at home inside his mind.

"Anything you want, love," Hvitserk whispers back. His breath is warm on your cold cheeks. It smells slightly sour like dry wine.

"Do not ask me to join the battle. Do not ask me to fight your brothers." You swallow your tears. The love you hold for him would not only make you defy your father but carelessly start a chain of horrid events that not even Kattegat's Seer could completely envision. Knowing your own weakness, you have to trust that maybe Hvitserk can save you from yourself. "Because I would." A bitter scoff escapes your throat. "Gods know I would do terrible things if you asked me to."

Hvitserk appears unmoved by your confession. His smile grows unnoticeably wider as his palm rests on the side of your face. A stray tear, slowly rolling down your cheek, is swept away by a gentle brush of his thumb.

"But I won't." His tone is decisive. "I don't have to heart to do so."

Instead of staring at the wooden ceiling, Hvitserk is now watching your face. The same strangely vacant and yet intense look haunts his eyes. Something akin to determination shows in his expression as though the answer to his plight is written on your face in a language he can almost decipher. If he stays up all night, looking at you, maybe by the first light of dawn, he will know exactly what he's supposed to do.

"Tell me you'll come back," you interrupt the silence once again.

Both of you know he can't say it with certainty. Nevertheless, lovers tend to believe they can somehow enchant reality.

"Of course I will," Hvitserk says with conviction. He almost makes you believe there is no other option. "Dying in battle and seeing my father in Valhalla is something I'm dreaming of but if living means I get to see you one more time, I will cling to life like a man gone mad."

Although you know his poetics through and through, they never fail to make your heart flutter. Judging by Hvitserk's stubbornness in saying them, he knows the effect he has on you and enjoys it greatly. His usual humour and charming demeanour fool you for a moment that nothing of great importance is about to happen. It's just another night like many you've had with him and are going to have.

"You speak in such a beautiful way, I often wonder if your words are honest."

His hand moves from the side of your face to cradle the nape of your neck. Hvitserk pulls you in gently and kisses you in an equally tender manner. His lips linger against yours, it's almost sentimental.

"They sound beautiful only because they are honest," he tells you. This time his kiss is more intense. "How else am I supposed to speak to a beautiful woman if not with beautiful words?"

Your giggling breaks the kiss. For a moment, you swear you could hear his low chuckle; for a moment, the world was just right.

Hvitserk's eyes aren't blank anymore. Now, there's a turmoil of happiness and sadness inside them. If a kiss is what brought him back to life then maybe he wasn't simply being charming when he compared you to a goddess countless times.

A playful smile creeps onto your face. Gently, you drag your fingers against his chest. Hvitserk inhales sharply.

"Well, I've heard beautiful women also like crude, dirty words."

"Do they?" he asks with faux surprise. Hvitserk pushes you on your back and puts his weight on top of you. His warm hand is brushing against your bare thigh. "Tell me more," he murmurs against the soft skin of your neck.

[surroundedbyblues]

1-WHAT MAKES YOU ATTRACTIVE

This reading is for all the people who are interested in this post! I hope this reading brings positive energy and is able to encourage everyone that you are beautiful and strong regardless of what others say and always love yourself because you deserve it!!! May the universe bless all your lovely souls and hope you have a great day! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎Love and Peace!

*Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post! It is my first time writing and considering English is my second language so there are a lot of imperfections and please be considerate. There is still so much I wanted to add in but I realise that this blog would be too lengthy so I hope you all enjoy it!

Please take readings with a grain of salt!

Please choose a picture with your intuition and let me tell you what makes you attractive

picture one

channelled energy: romanticist, clarity(knowing what you want), attractiveness(visual or energy)

First of all, I have to say even before shuffling the cards, I already felt like this group of people are very attractive, either physically or aura wise. That’s how people perceive you regardless of what you think of yourself. People like to mirror themselves (basically means compare themselves) with you because of how amazing your energy and your looks are. Some of you can be very sexy and carry seductive energy and that might be another reason why they keep their eyes on you! You guys can be very sweet and caring especially to the people you love and cherish and that’s another attractive point about you. However, even though some of you are confident queens and kings you do feel insecure, uncertain, trapped in your own mind sometimes. But sprite is saying that all of you are very smart and wise souls and you always know what you want or always are clear on specific things that matters to you and the universe is telling you to trust your intuition and your own advice because you already know what is the best for you! Overall, a very attractive group just like a clear quartz, people see through your charms and get attracted to you!

Picture two

channelled energy: wise, sensual, colour white, calm

To start with, (just a side note- while I was channelling I heard spirits say to remain calm) this group of people have various energies. Emotions like roller coaster rides, can suddenly feel excited and happy and can feel low and down out of the blues as well. OK! NOW! WHAT MAKES YOU ATTRACTIVE- I feel like people really like how amazing you are when it comes to planning! you know how to live your life to the fullest! People do notice that you are very passionate for what you plan for and the energy you give out makes people believe that you would definitely achieve it! Another attractive trait is that you are a patient and wise person. Some of you may not like the idea of being an introvert but that is the charm you GOT!! When people see you, you give out a very sincere, kind, loving and wise vibes that would make people want to trust you and work with you! You are somebody that can create your own happiness regardless of the situation you are in. (I WANTED TO HIGHLIGHT HOW ATTRACTIVE THIS IS!!) Overall, this pile gives off introvert vibes and people focus a lot more on your energies rather than physicals. People think you are strong, wise, trustworthy, practical and passionate about what you are interested in and loved. (additional message from spirit- you can be in a state of anxiousness and having sleepless nights sometimes due to worrying about a lot of different things in your life. Regardless, spirit is telling you to understand that you are wise enough to know what to do and make sure to listen to your intuition. You can meditate if you want to and that will help a lot to ease your anxiety. Don’t think too much, you are doing great no matter what you're going through right now and believe in yourself that you can make it through. All the best for you all!

Picture three

channelled energy: pretty, be confident, strong, cool

I wanted to start this pile by saying this pile has some strong energies. I feel like this pile is very self aware of how attractive they are. Some of the people in this group have even been publicly recognised for their beauty. (examples could be attracting a lot of attention on social media or being told pretty by many strangers etc). Honestly, people think you are the standard of beauty and the fact that you are so elegant make them think you are or may come from a rich family. Your feminine energy really is something that catches the eyes of people first! People think you are gorgeous, magnificent, kind and just basically someone has it all! Apart from what I just mentioned, when people get to know you they also discover that you are a very brave and strong person! (AND SO FAR I HAVE TO SAY, YOU ATTRACTIVENESS IS OVERLOADED….) If strangers get to talk to you in person, they will soon realise that you are not just beautiful outside but your soul is also PERFECT! so much admiration from people I have to say! RegardlessI feel like this group can be people that speak their words clearly and truthfully. (NO SUGAR COAT!). I channel very protective and powerful energies from this group ( IN MY HEAD I CAN PICTURE A QUEEN WHO IS WELL KNOWN FOR HER BEAUTY BUT WHAT PEOPLE DON’T KNOW IS THAT SHE COULD ALSO BE VERY BRAVE TO PROTECT AND FIGHT BATTLES IF SHE NEED TO!) Overall, this group holds the standard of beauty and maintains many admiration from people! (Additional message from spirit- you can doubt yourself sometimes which leads you to having low self esteem and thinking you are not attractive. Spirit is saying that please believe in who you are! your authentic self is the most attractive thing about you! Being yourself brings you the strength and confidence to face the world. But most importantly, your heart is what makes you beautiful! Don’t be afraid to be yourself!

THE END!

[taelovesjohnny]

muted ( the outsiders) chapter 1 Late At Night

here is another story I’m writing with a friend!

I was walking home, it had been a long day at work. If your wondering, I dont go to school anymore. yes I got parents, and yes, they dont really approve but i didn't give them a choice. So anyway, im walking home, my muscles are sore. And im awaiting the fluffy pillows on my bed. My name's Millie. Millie curtis. Im 15, the only girl in the gang. i have 3 brothers, Darry, the oldest one he's strong handsome and very protective of me. Sodapop, he's 15, movie-star handsome, and the brother i can tell anything to. Last but not least Ponyboy, the youngest of all 4 of us, he's 13 loves movies, and books. and my parents, very nice people. they care for everyone that  turns up on their doorstep. 

Im almost 2 blocks away from home, just passin' a dark alley way, when I here footsteps behind me. I turn around and see it's a greaser boy. He's wearing boots, a leather jacket, and jeans. I get along good with other greasers. Most everybody thinks im gorgeous, not me. I think im just a typical, average girl. I keep walking. not thinking anything of it. Suddenly, i feel his hand on my shoulder. I spin around, and look up at him. Im short around 4 feet 4 and I hate it. have to look up to everybody. 

so this dude starts to kiss me. i try to push him back, but he has a strong hold on me. I've never seen this guy in my life. What kind of person does this. I mean, socs i can understand, they do this to everybody. But greasers?? I thought we were better than that. He's trailing down my neck, I'm trying to get out of his grip. I can't, which is kinda' surprising, I am strong for a person my size, and i can pack a good punch in a rumble. I guess this new dude, has done some serious weight lifting. 

" GET OFF!!" I scream. 

"Now baby, why would i do that, you have such a pretty face, i can't resist."

" Your're sick!"

" Hold still, or im gonna do something we're both gonna regret."

" Please, I beg you, please don't do this."

But I knew that it was hopeless, once somebody had a person, they could do whatever they wanted, espeically to girls. The next thing i knew, he had pushed me into the dark alley. And pushed me to the ground. God Dammit. I didn't have my blade. But he did. He took it out, and cut my clothes off, and rolled me to the corner of the alley. It smelled like cat poop, and trash. But that was the last thing on my mind. His blade was trailing down, from the bottom of my ear, to the bottom of my neck. silent tears were rolling down my face. He was now naked and trusting himself on top of my and r@ping me. I didn't know how he could do both things at once, but he continued to cut me and r@pe me. and all i could do was lie there. I struggled for a good portion of the begginning but now my strenght had gone. I don't know how long he was there but it felt like hours. When i finally got off, he silently put his clothes back on. 

" Bye, Bye Kitten,I hope to see you 'round again"

and then he spit in my face. I was left there, no strenght, no clothes, and friends or family near. I just layed there, in the mud. Hopefully my family would get worried, and come look for me. Hopefully. I dont remember when, but at some point I went into an uneasy sleep. It was filled with nightmares.

Dally's Point Of Veiw.

I had just moved to Tulsa, Ok. My parents had abused me ever since i was born, and i finally had the sense to run away. Not that they cared. They probably didn't even know i was gone. I had packed up and moved out. I was living at a bar, no problem, i was used to the noise. Anyway, It was a dark night, perfect to go find so trouble, or make some. I was walking a long a street, when i spotted a girl, just perfect to be messed with. She looked innocent enough. I had the erge to make her life miserable. I dont know why though. Maybe she reminded me of my sick mother. who always acted like she was god or something. 

At one point I was blinded by rage, and put my hand on her shoulder, the next thing i knew, i had her down on the ground. And i was r@ping her. The thoughts going through my head were mercyless. She deserves it. I didn't care how fucked up her life would be after this, I just needed to let go of some steam. when i had finished, i threw on my pants, and told her

" Bye, Bye Kitten, I hope to see you 'round again." 

and with that, I walked off. back to the bar. to go get drunk

[eievuimemes]

THE BAD GUYS BOOKS SENTENCE STARTERS

“[name] hasn’t changed anything!”

“[name]! We’re coming in, buddy!”

“Am I suddenly invisible, or what?”

“And you’re asking ME because I’M suddenly an expert on [thing]?”

“Can you slow down? I don’t feel so good.”

“Come back, you coward!”

“Do you have any idea how thick my skin is?”

“Fight him, will you!?”

“Give it time, little buddy.”

“Give me punk, any day.”

“Good enough for me.”

“Has anyone seen where the supervillain went?”

“He did it! He did it! HE DID IT!”

“Heavens! That little chap was certainly in a hurry!”

“Hey! Those numbers! I know what they are! They’re map coordinates!”

“Hey! Who are you calling ‘fishy’? And yes, I DO think.”

“He’s on his own path. You can’t control him.”

“I ain’t stopping this rig for no one!”

“I am SO out of here.”

“I can’t stop them.”

“I didn’t know you could ride a motorcycle.”

“I do wish we had our superpowers.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t suppose any of you can ride one of these?”

“I don’t want love.”

“I feel a little scared.”

“I feel like it’s out there. I feel like it’s…calling me.”

“I just wish you’d shut up occasionally.”

“I need a shower or something.”

“I need you to get it together.”

“I will give you one last chance to win back my trust.”

“I wish I were cute and cuddly.”

“I wonder how the others are doing.”

“Is that what I think it is!?”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time, but…”

“It’s a gosh darn SNAKE!”

“It’s been a pleasure, and I wish you all luck with your future endeavours…”

“It’s good to be back, [name].”

“It’s quite a nice thought, when you think about it that way…”

“It’s time to fulfill your destiny.”

“I’ll never forget them.”

“I’ll never stop believing that. EVER.”

“I’m afraid you boys have stumbled into a very dangerous situation.”

“I’m completely invisible.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“I’m just your wingman. Your vastly superior wingman.”

“I’m not sure if you can do anything about it.”

“Look, I didn’t really want you to get struck by lightning.”

“No heroics from you!”

“No one’s ever asked me that before.”

“Nothing can stop me!”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a busy day ahead of me.”

“Oh my! This place is amazing!”

“Oh no. It happened.”

“Ok. I’m shutting this down.”

“Put me down!”

“Put the pedal to the metal!”

“She’s really powerful.”

“She’s too strong.”

“She’s worthless.”

“So this is how it ends.”

“Somebody grab him, will you?”

“That was close. Now, keep low and follow me.”

“That’s enough alone time, I think…”

“The one thing we are NOT doing is paying a visit to a previous villain.”

“The only problem is, you two are more worthless than her.”

“The only reason we’re in this mess is because of your stupid obsession with being a hero!”

“The world seems pretty chill, so I’ve decided to chill out for a bit, too.”

“There is a bright new dawn and I - [name] - am the sun!”

“There’s nothing you want to tell us?”

“They are monsters that haunt our darkest nightmares.”

“They can TOTALLY see you.”

“They know we’re in here!”

“They’re already here.”

“Things have taken a turn for the worse.”

“Wait! I’m stuck!”

“Watch the landing.”

“We need to get inside that building, and I have a plan.”

“We need you.”

“We were nothing without [name]. But now…we’re SOMETHING because of [name].”

“Well, I DON’T hate you!”

“Well, it can’t hurt to ask!”

“Well, saving us from [name] probably gave him a little confidence boost.”

“We’re almost there, but they’re all over us.”

“We’re bad guys, man. Guys like us don’t get a happy ending.”

“What a pleasant journey.”

“What are you waiting for!?”

“What is this place?”

“What? What good will that do!?”

“WHY should I listen to any of you!?”

“Wow. He really is awfully brave isn't he?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I was there. Lots happened.”

“You failed.”

“You heard me.”

“You seem like you’re enjoying life?”

“You should probably watch out.”

“Your spirit is broken.”

“You’re kind of untrustworthy, you know that?”

“You’re not making any sense!”

“You’re too close!”

[kyrodo]

Trolling me doesn't earn you any fucking respect from me. When you can show me you can act like a fucking adult, then things will definitely improve.

I sincerely hope that'll be the last time someone says "answer the fucking question" to me without actually asking anything or even making it obvious what they were asking. Are you a fucking idiot? I understand you like to do everything by force but get the fuck away from me. Now that you've seen everything there is to see, who falls under what description now bitch? We talking about me or are we talking about you!? I can count my list of offenses on one hand and not a single one of them were major, can you say the same with a straight face you stupid fuck?

Any time you do anything it's ok and anything anyone else does is a crime against humanity, it doesn't fucking work that way. I'm more than happy to put every unforgivable thing you do out in the open and unlike you everything I post doesn't come out of fucking nowhere. You exploit every little thing that could be misunderstood, but for you, I understand everything. You act radicalized but in actuality you're just an opportunist waiting for the chance to pretend someone else did something. I spend so much time on my posts trying to foolproof it and you still find a way to act like a fucking moron. Somebody will turn on their high beams and you'll just close your eyes and say it's still too Fucking dark. I've had about enough of your bullshit.

Now that I've stopped adopting the way you speak, am I coherent enough for you asshole? You got anything else you want to take out of context, or are you fucking good?

As for Ronnie telling me "I need to stop doing this, I don't know why you're focusing me." We don't need to say what we mean was literally one of the first things you shared with me. Never once did you come clean about your side of things and you always omit your entire history whenever you directly interact with me or try to keep your wording as ambiguous or multi meaning'd as possible. What the fuck did you want me to do? I physically deleted mine, cause I was mad or there were personal thoughts I was always pushing out that I didn't want to leave up. But you initiated the facade and you strong armed it the entire way through, I didn't. I protested it because it kept confusing me and I kept wondering if you were all these things because you kept it up well past when it was no longer meaningful.

There isn't a single person vrc or otherwise with your kind of special needs shit, there is not single person I've met as overly discreet as you. I will never be the one to send someone through fucking bootcamp before I give them even a scrap of trust. Because I will never be like you.

Every cell in my body even now wants to make sure no one ever experiences what I did. What you put me through. If you ever wanted me in your life, there's not a single thing you did that would've made that possible.

I am so sick of feeling constantly confused and uncertain about everything, that I will always go out of my way to ensure everyone feels certain.

[rubykgrant]

You're welcome, on the foster families they're adopted from, what're the gijinka starters' foster families like? Are some of them positive or not? -The Anon with No Name

Hello Anon with No Name! I'm so sorry this took a while for me to reply; asks get buried, and then I get busy with real life problems, nothing bad, but stuff happens. I hope you understand, and are doing well~

For the Pokemon gijinka kids, they've had a mix of good and bad experiences. Sparky kept getting sent to over-crowded homes when he was little, and often he would go find his own little club-house of sorts to have some space for himself. At one point, he had been spending so much time in this little fort he made near a park than the foster home... he just decided to stay there all the time. He kept walking to school (this was between 2nd and 3rd grade), but he didn't go back to the home after. Eventually, the home was shut down because the adults weren't being responsible, and after almost a whole YEAR, people realized they had misplaced a whole kid! Somebody eventually figured out he was still going to school, and at last he was taken to a better home that gave him proper care and attention (so were the other kids from that group). When he was 10, he moved in with a young woman that eventually adopted him officially, and while he still had some issues in life, he didn't have to worry about feeling safe

Shellshock had relatively positive experiences in his foster homes regarding the adults, but other kids could really pick on him. For a while, he was too timid to tell on them, feeling like he had to be as agreeable as possible. When new little kids came to his foster home, he would be protective of them, and this is when he started to be a little more confident. The only other problems he had was a few unpleasant teachers at his school, who seemed to think "This kid looks big and strong, he must not be very smart", and it would embarrass him when they basically heckled him in class. How do you stand up to a rude teacher that doesn't think they're being rude? When he found a good friend group who had family members they trusted, he finally told somebody about this, and they put a stop to it at the school. He really is a good student, clever and talented in many areas

Charmer had some OK foster homes when he was really little, but in middle school he got placed with a family that had a lot of their own anger issues (nothing too terribly abusive, but still lots of arguing and nobody knew how properly resolve anything). He ran away from there a lot, and hung out with other "bad kids" for a while. He might have been a little punk, but he never wanted to cross the line into being somebody who was cruel... at first, when he tried to really make a change, nobody listened to him. The system basically failed, ignoring him when he asked to be placed with a different family, and teachers who wouldn't give him another chance after skipping class. He finally found somebody who listened, and got a new foster family that didn't care about any bad decisions or mistakes. They accepted him and helped Charmer feel like he could grow at last

Bough ironically had what some people would think of as a "dream" home at first. Early on, he lived with a young rich couple that were considering adopting him, but it was mostly to make their image look good (adopting an orphan to get good publicity). When he was about 8, they wound up getting in trouble for some kind of money embezzlement, and suddenly he was abandoned. He was very quiet and withdrawn for a while, not connecting with any new people because he didn't trust anybody... it wasn't until he started making friends with other kids and visiting their homes, he finally began to open up again. Sometimes kids at school would tease him for being a "poor little rich kid", but he had never really been spoiled. Even in the expensive home, he was neglected. When he sees what it feels like to really be cared for, he's happy in the home he has

In different ways, they were all lonely and mistreated at some point, but genuinely find families that love them, and care for them properly; they have enough to eat, toys and games to play with, plenty of clothes to wear, and their hobbies/interests are encouraged. They also find true friendship with each other, so even when other difficult situations come up in life, they aren't alone anymore.

Thanks for asking~

[duskwingmoth]

The big disconnect for me is that I had my big disillusionment about the realities of the world on election night 2016.

It's been a long six years since then, and I can no longer believe anything more or less than what I see around me.

The world I thought I lived in circa 2015 was full of shit already, even with all the issues I could acknowledge. In that world, the harshness and cruelty had a sick fairness to it that you could plan around, that you could beat, tough as it may have been. Most prevalent to myself, it was a world where being queer was safe now, the government protected you just like everyone else, and my fool white ass might be able to succeed.

It was a week before election night 2016 where I entered the bargaining phase of my recognition, when I thought "ok Universe, I have recognized that it is *possible* that Donald Trump wins, does that mean he won't now?"

Ha.

As I sat listening to the polling news, I realized I was going to cry. Before estradiol, I never cried; it was something that only ever happened when I'd fallen into true and utter despair. And the world, the lie was falling apart in real time in front of my eyes. Some people are just that selfish, they are just that hateful, they are just that spite-driven, and someone like me has no hope of reaching them.

And that was only the beginning.

In the ensuing six years I have lost all faith in government, and so much of what I used to believe was that the rules tbey set might not always be fair, but they always worked whether you liked it or not. But they clearly don't, because nobody in charge wants to make them work. Sure you might get somebody who really cares once in a while, and what are they going to do when the other thousand or so people in the core system just

Don't.

How can you look at the last six years and tell me you trust even an iota of federal process? How can you believe that the government that put us here is going to make it all better, like it never happened? They don't work for you, and they barely even work for the corporations that bought them out. If they actually cared about the economy like they say they do, we would be locked down even tighter then we ever were to ensure the economic numbers would be strong later.

We will emerge from this pandemic well-battered and traumatized, burnt alive by indifference and wrung out by poverty into a world of gravestones under which the dead will lie, anchoring the virus in our collective consciousness forevermore. The sooner we understand and accept this, the sooner we can make the new world better.

If only I could believe that people would do so soon enough.

[girlspecimen]

not to get all uwu touchstarved lonely but i literally need to be held so tightly that it hurts by someone who i know loves me and wants to protect me

[respectable-username]

🔐 Why You (Probably) Don't Need A VPN

A rant by a software engineer sick of VPN ads from her favourite YouTubers

TL;DR:

Here are some legitimate reasons the average internet user might want to use a VPN:

To connect to their company's internal network

To bypass the Great Firewall of China (or other types of website blocks at country or organisation level)

To watch Netflix etc as if you were in another country

Here are absolutely rubbish reasons to use a VPN:

Privacy

And today, I'll tell you why.

Hang on, won't a VPN stop hackers from stealing my passwords?

I mean, it does encrypt the web traffic coming from your device.

You know what else encrypts web traffic coming from your device? Your browser.

Yes, in the year 2021, pretty much all websites on the internet are accessed over HTTPS. The "S" stands for "secure", as in "your request will be securely encrypted". If your browser is using HTTPS, nobody can capture the data you're sending over the internet. More detail in the "I like too much detail" section at the bottom of this post.

It's very easy to check if you are using HTTPS by looking at your URL bar. In most browsers, it will have a lock on it if secure:

(From top left to bottom right: Chrome on iOS, Safari on iOS, Chrome on Windows, Edge on Windows, Firefox on Windows, and Safari on Mac. Screenshots reflect the UI at the time this post was written. Oh gosh this has taken over 4 hours to write.)

But isn't moar encryption better? What if somebody breaks HTTPS?

For starters, nobody's breaking your HTTPS, and there isn't any benefit from double encrypting. This is because of the maths behind encryption/decryption!

Encryption works kinda like a lock and key, except the lock is maths and the key is a special number only known to the person allowed to unlock the information.

The important thing is, without the key, all the locked data looks like complete and utter garbage. Completely unusable. Barely distinguishable from random noise. There's absolutely no way to tell what the original data was.

The other important thing is that the key is nearly unguessable. As in, with current technology, will generally take more than the lifetime of the universe to guess by chance. And when technology gets faster, we just make the numbers bigger again until they're once again secure.

For any major website you use, they will use a strong encryption algorithm (ie lock) with big numbers so your keys will be strong enough to withstand an attack. This means your data is safe as long as that lock icon is in your URL bar.

A VPN will not make the existing garble any more garbled. The extra $10/month or whatever you're paying for does not buy you any extra protection.

If you want to know more about how encryption and HTTPS in particular work, see the "I like too much detail" section at the end of this post.

Something something viruses

How's a VPN going to stop viruses? It controls the path your internet traffic takes, not the content that gets sent down that path. I guess it could block some known virus-giving hosts? But if it's known to the VPN provider, it's probably also known to the built-in antivirus on your computer who can block it for you.

(Oh yeah, 3rd party antivirus is another thing that's not worth paying for these days. Microsoft's built-in Windows Defender is as good as the third party options, and something something Macs don't get viruses easily because of how they're architected.)

Honestly though, keep your software up to date, don't click on anything suspicious, don't open files from sources you don't trust, and you'll be right most of the time.

And keep your software up to date. Then update your software. Hey, did I mention keeping your stuff updated? Update! Now! It only takes a few minutes. Please update to the latest version of your software I'm begging you. It's the number 1 way to protect yourself from viruses and other malware. Most major software attacks could have been prevented if people just updated their damn software!

But my ISP is spying on me!

Ok, it is true that there are TWO bits of data that HTTPS can't and won't hide. Those are:

The source of a request (your IP)

What website that request is going to (the website's IP)

These are the bits of information that routers use to know where to send your data, so of course they can't be hidden as the data is moving across the internet. And people can see that information very easily if they want to.

Note: this will show which website you're going to, but not which page you're looking at, and not the content of that page. So it will show that you were on Tumblr, but will not show anyone that you're still reading SuperWhoLock content in 2021.

It's this source/destination information that VPNs hide, which is why they can be used to bypass website blocks and region locks.

By using a VPN, those sniffing traffic on your side of the VPN will just show you connecting to the VPN, not the actual website you want. That means you can read AO3 at work/school without your boss/teachers knowing (unless they look over your shoulder of course).

As for those sniffing on the websites end, including the website itself, they will see the VPN as the source of the connection, not you. So if you're in the US and using a VPN node in the UK, Netflix will see you as being in the UK and show you their British library rather than the American one.

If this is what you're using a VPN for and you think the price is fair, then by all means keep doing it! This is 100% what VPNs are good for.

HOWEVER, and this is a big "however", if it's your ISP you're trying to hide your internet traffic from, then you will want to think twice before using a VPN.

Let me put it this way. Without a VPN, your ISP knows every website you connect to and when. With a VPN, do you know who has that exact same information? The VPN provider. Sure, many claim to not keep logs, but do you really trust the people asking for you to send them all your data for a fee to not just turn around and sell your data on for a profit, or worse?

In effect, you're trading one snooper for another. One snooper is heavily regulated, in many jurisdictions must obey net neutrality, and is already getting a big fee from you regardless of where you browse. The other isn't. Again, it's all a matter of who you trust more.

For me personally, I trust my ISP more than a random VPN provider, if for no other reason than my ISP is an old enough company with enough inertia and incompetence that I don't think they could organise to sell my data even if they wanted to. And with the amount of money I'm paying them per month, they've only got everything to lose if they broke consumer trust by on-selling that data. So yeah, I trust my ISP more with my privacy than the random VPN company.

But my VPN comes with a password manager!

Password managers are great. I 100% recommend you use a password manager. If there's one thing you could do right now to improve your security (other than updating your software, speaking of, have you updated yet?), it's getting and using a password manager.

Password managers also come for free.

I'm currently using LastPass free, but am planning to switch after they did a bad capitalism and only let their free accounts access either laptop or mobile but not both now. I personally am planning to move to Bitwarden on friends' recommendation since it's not only free but open source and available across devices. I also have friends who use passbolt and enjoy it, which is also free and open source, but it's also a bit DIY to set up. Great if you like tinkering though! And there are probably many other options out there if you do a bit of googling.

So, yeah, please use a password manager, but don't pay for it unless you actually have use for the extra features.

No I really need to hide my internet activity from everybody for reasons

In this case, you're probably looking for TOR. TOR is basically untraceable. It's also a terrible user experience for the most part because of this, so I'd only recommend it if you need it, such as if you're trying to escape the Great Firewall. But please don't use it for Bad Crimes. I am not to be held liable for any crime committed using information learned from this post.

Further reading viewing

If you want to know more about why you don't need a VPN, see Tom Scott's amazing video on the subject. It's honestly a great intro for beginners.

I like too much detail

Ahhh, so you're the type of person who doesn't get turned off by long explanations I see. Well, here's a little more info on the stuff I oversimplified in the main post about encryption. Uhh, words get bigger and more jargony in this section.

So first oversimplification: the assumption that all web traffic is either HTTP or HTTPS. This isn't exactly true. There are many other application layer internet standards out there, such as ssh, ftp, websockets, and all the proprietary standards certain companies use for stuff such as streaming and video conferencing. Some of these are secure, using TLS or some other security algorithm under the hood, and some of them aren't.

But most of the web requests you care about are HTTP/HTTPS calls. As for the rest, if they come from a company of a decent size that hasn't been hacked off the face of the planet already, they're probably also secure. In other words, you don't need to worry about it.

Next, we've already said that encryption works as a lock and a key, where the lock is a maths formula and the key is a number. But how do we get that key to lock and unlock the data?

Well, to answer that, we first need to talk about the two different types of encryption: symmetric and asymmetric. Symmetric encryption such as AES uses the same key to both encrypt and decrypt data, whereas asymmetric encryption such as RSA uses a different key to encode and decode.

For the sake of my writing, we're going to call the person encrypting Alice, the person decrypting Bob, and the eavesdropper trying to break our communications Eve from now on. These are standard names in crypto FYI. Also, crypto is short for cryptography not cryptocurrencies. Get your Bitcoin and Etherium outta here!

Sorry if things start getting incoherent. I'm tired. It's after 1am now.

So first, how do we get the key from symmetric crypto? This is probably the easier place to start. Well, you need a number, any number of sufficient size, that both Alice and Bob know. There are many ways you could share this number. They could decide it when they meet in person. They could send it to each other using carrier pigeons. Or they could radio it via morse code. But those aren't convenient, and somebody could intercept the number and use it to read all their messages.

So what we use instead is a super clever algorithm called Diffie-Hellman, which uses maths and, in particular, the fact it's really hard to factor large numbers (probably NP Hard to be specific, but there's no actual proof of that). The Wikipedia page for this is surprisingly easy to read, so I'll just direct you there to read all about it because I've been writing for too long. This algorithm allows Alice and Bob to agree on a secret number, despite Eve being able to read everything they send each other.

Now Alice and Bob have this secret number key, they can talk in private. Alice puts her message and the key into the encryption algorithm and out pops what looks like a load of garbage. She can then send this garbage to Bob without worrying about Eve being able to read it. Bob can then put the garbage and the key into the decryption algorithm to undo the scrambling and get the original message out telling him where the good donuts are. Voila, they're done!

But how does Alice know that she's sending her message to Bob and not Eve? Eve could pretend to be Bob so that Alice does the Diffie-Hellman dance with her instead and sends her the secret location of the good donuts instead.

This is where asymmetric crypto comes in! This is the one with private and public keys, and the one that uses prime numbers.

I'm not 100% across the maths on this one TBH, but it has something to do with group theory. Anyway, just like Diffie-Hellman, it relies on the fact that prime factorisation is hard, and so it does some magic with semi-primes, ie numbers with only 2 prime factors other than 1. Google it if you want to know more. I kinda zoned out of this bit in my security courses. Maths hard

But the effect of that maths is easier to explain: things that are encoded with one of the keys can only be decoded with the other key. This means that one of those keys can be well-known to the public and the other is known only to the person it belongs to.

If Alice wants to send a message to Bob and just Bob, no Eve allowed, she can first look up Bob's public key and encrypt a beginning message with that. Once Bob receives the message, he can decrypt it with his private key and read the contents. Eve can't read the contents though because, even though she has Bob's public key, she doesn't know his private key.

This public key information is what the lock in your browser is all about BTW. It's saying that the website is legit based on the public key they provide.

So why do we need symmetric crypto when we have asymmetric crypto? Seems a lot less hassle to exchange keys with asymmetric crypto.

Well, it's because asymmetric crypto is slooooow. So, in TLS, the security algorithm that puts the "S" in "HTTPS", asymmetric RSA is used to establish the initial connection and figure out what symmetric key to use, and then the rest of the session uses AES symmetric encryption using the agreed secret key.

And there you have it! Crypto in slightly-less-short-but-still-high-enough-level-that-I-hope-you-understand.

Just realised how long this section is. Well, I did call it "too much detail" for a reason.

Now, next question is what exactly is and isn't encrypted using HTTPS.

Well, as I said earlier, it's basically just the source IP:port and the destination IP:port. In fact, this information is actually communicated on the logical layer below the application layer HTTPS is on, known as the transport layer. Again, as I said before, you can't really encrypt this unless you don't want your data to reach the place you want at all.

Also, DNS is unencrypted. A DNS request is a request that turns a domain name, such as tumblr.com, into an IP address, by asking a special server called a Domain Name Server where to find the website you're looking for. A DNS request is made before an HTTP(S) request. Anyone who can read your internet traffic can therefore tell you wanted to go to Tumblr.

But importantly, this only shows the domain name, not the full URL. The rest of the URL, the part after the third slash (the first two slashes being part of http://), is stuff that's interpreted by the server itself and so isn't needed during transport. Therefore, it encrypted and completely unreadable, just like all the content on your page.

I was going to show a Wireshark scan of a web request using HTTP and HTTPS to show you the difference, but this has taken long enough to write as it is, so sorry!

I could probably write more, but it's 1:30am and I'm sleepy. I hope you found some of this interesting and think twice before purchasing a VPN subscription. Again, there are legit good uses for a VPN, but they're not the ones primarily being advertised in VPN ads. It's the fact that VPN ads rely so heavily on false advertising that really grinds my gears and made me want to do this rant. It's especially bad when it comes from somebody I'd think of as technologically competent (naming no names here, but if you've worked in tech and still promote VPNs as a way to keep data safe... no). Feel free to ask questions if you want and hopefully I'll get around to answering any that I feel I know enough to answer.

Nighty night Tumblr. Please update your software. And use a (free) password manager. And enable two factor authentication on all your accounts. But mostly just update your software.

[frostbittenbucky]

OK so I have a story idea that’s been sitting in my head for a while now. And since I have a broken hand I obviously will not be the one writing this. I am using text to speech so I do apologize for how horrible this is going to be written

So before I forget my idea I’m going to post it and if anyone wants to feel free to write it and change it to however you’d like

So imagine that Bruce promised Clark that if he ever went dark that he’d kill him. Not in a “I’m gonna murder” you kind of way, put in “as your best friend, I will stop you before you hurt someone”

It’s just this ultimate showing trust. Because that’s all a line Bruce never wants to cross but is willing to do so if it means saving the world, and stopping Clark from doing something that he could never forgive himself or if he did come back from it 

Anyway, Batman is put into this magical coma, where everything is normal. But the only way he can wake up is if he kills somebody. Now, Bruce doesn’t know he’s in a coma, everything is as it is were in his waking life

Zatanna, is able to do some interference to change how Batman is perceiving the world in his coma. She puts Clark into a coma so he can enter the world Bruce is currently trapped in, but the thing is, if he tells Bruce what’s going on he will never wake up. Bruce has to kill somebody on his on Accord

So Clark basically takes on the injustice role, has to pretend to go full Darkside. Because he trusts bruce to keep his promise

Bruce tries everything in his power to try to turn Clark, to save him. Personally, I want this to be platonic fic. But, I will not complain if this is a romantic relationship either. I just really love strong friendships

Clark, trays everything to breakthroughs, everything to make him kill, even “killing” Bruce’s family

Obviously that’s the last straw, so bruce quits. He’s broken . Clark goes to the manner, Bruce is in normal clothes, it’s obvious he lost all hope

At some point he ends up hugging Clark, and stabbing him with a kryptonite dagger. Bruce does this knowing that Clark was fully capable of crushing him. A suicide mission

Then I want the story to pick up on how Bruce recovers from this. Because in his mind he had to live in a world where his family was dead, or he had no choice but to kill his best friend. I want him to have this sort of grieving period, and we just get a deeper look into Bruce as a person. Same with Clark, I want to see them both recover from this experience and grow in their friendship.

For Clark he’s traumatized for the things he had to do to break Bruce, how far he had to go

And of course Bruce Had to experience his family dying at the hands of someone who trusts so much, then having to kill him

Please let me know if you write this, I’d love to read it

[jjkyaoi]

i’m bored, and at this point every bit of self control i have has been washed away ages ago, so take these random clingy duo scenarios;

• tommy’s always been the type of person where, if you’re somebody who’s older than him, or stronger than him, or just,,.. better than him, he takes it as a Personal Attack, so the mf is always picking fights w older kids who are a lot bigger than him??? and a lot of the time he fucken loses the fights, because obviously, so he’d always go to tubbo w his injuries and ask tubbo to help him patch up cause he doesn’t know how to do it himself

• TOMMY: tubbo —

• TUBBO: honestly you’re such a fuckin moron, tommy. you’re so dumb, i don’t understand how you’re so dumb?? i told you not to fight w those kids—

• TOMMY: tubbo, i—

• TUBBO; they’re like three times your size, of course they’d beat you, but no! you wouldn’t listen because you think you’re strong, and— *taking out a box of bandaids* ok do you want the micki mouse bandaid or the princess bandaid?

• TOMMY; the micki mouse bandaid 😊

• after tommys duel w dream, tubbo didn’t talk to him for a week. tommy was confused, because they’d just won the war, everything would be fine, he didn’t know why tubbo was so upset, & when he came to tubbo to ask him why he’d been avoiding him? he got scolded about the duel— got yelled at that he’d lost a life during the duel, got scolded that he’d be so reckless w his own life, and even if it was annoying tommy was relieved that tubbo was just concerned, and didn’t actually hate him

• tubbo always used to make friendship bracelets for certain people once they’d garnered his trust & companionship, and tommy always was given the most. even if he didn’t understand the purpose of them & thought they were embarrassing, he always let tubbo give him a new one every day.

• SOMEONE; tubbo gave me a friendship bracelet today! that’s so sweet, don’t you think—?

• TOMMY, with 10 bracelets on each arm; you are nothing.

• every time tubbo would give someone else a bracelet that wasn’t tommy, tommy would get weirdly jealous. every time he’d see someone w a bracelet on from tubbo he’d always sort of,,.. stare at it for a second. he’d always stare at it with absolute Murder in his gaze.

• WILBUR: uh,... tommy?? you okay there, bud?

• TOMMY: what’s that on your wrist.

• WILBUR: oh, it’s, uh. it’s a friendship bracelet that tubbo made for me —

• TOMMY: mhm.

• WILBUR: yeah, it’s purple and everything, it’s really pretty! i’m surprised he made one for me, i— tommy?

• TOMMY; can i have that for a second. can you hand it to me.

• WILBUR: ....sure?

• TOMMY: thanks

• WILBUR: i don’t even know why you want it, i mean, it’s mine —

• TOMMY, breaking the bracelet in in his bare hands; there can only be one, wilbur soot :)

• WILBUR: wh—

• when they were separated in the manberg/pogtopia arc, they would always find a way to communicate w each other. for awhile they used their communicators until those were taken away, and then they starting sending each other letters; most of the time they’d just be notes about what they were doing, and sometimes they’d just be stupid little indecipherable inside joke notes that they’d pass between each other. they were Pen Pals.

• TECHNO: what’re you—what’re you doing, tommy?

• TOMMY: i’m writing to tubbo :]

• TECHNO: oh. okay. well... that’s..,.., can i say see what you’re writing?

• TOMMY, handing techno the paper; yeah sure!

• TECHNO;

• TECHNO; this is just—... this is just a drawing of a giant penis, tommy

• after they were reunited after the festival, they didn’t ever really separate. they were too afraid about what would happen to the other if they were separated again, so they spent their nights in pogtopia just huddled up together in the cold. sometimes they’d even tell each other about how afraid they were without each other; they’d never go into any detail about what they went through, but they’d always just subtly tell ‘em about their fears. they spent the first couple of days in pogtopia, together again, holding each other’s hands for an entire day.

• after tubbo was completely healed from the festival, tommy kept feeling his scars. half out of curiosity, and half to check if tubbo was still there— if he was still alive. it felt a little weird, and tubbo was still a little bit adverse to touch after the festival, but it brought his friend comfort so he let it happen.

• TOMMY, running his hands around tubbo’s scars; can you feel that?

• TUBBO: no. i cant. it just tickles a little, that’s all

• TOMMY: that’s so so weird.

• TUBBO, shrugging; it’s fine. i mean, you’re so fascinate w them so it has to be fine, right?

• TOMMY: why do you care about what i think abt your scars?

• TUBBO; because you’re my tommy! i always care about what you think about me

• tubbos always sort of been self conscious about the scars, as well. he’s never really liked anyone looking at his face for too long; never has liked anyone touching his face but tommy. he’s told tommy that the scars bring too much attention to him, and in response to that tommy brought out a packet of stickers; just random ones he’d found, and started sticking them all over tubbos face.

• TUBBO: what’re you—what’re you doing?

• TOMMY, placing a star sticker on tubbo’s cheek; well, you said that you don’t like the attention your scars bring, right? well, w a fuck ton of stickers on your face they’ll be too focused on how stupid you look to even notice ‘em!

• TUBBO: oh.

• TOMMY: mhm!

• TUBBO: ...thank you tommy :]

• in exile, tommy would go through their old notes that they used to send to each other back in the manberg/pogtopia arc. he was too afraid to actually ever send a note to tubbo himself, but looking back at their stupid little conversations and seeing their stupid little jokes brought him a sense of comfort. sometimes he’d even sleep w/ the notes, curled up at his chest. he didn’t ever tell anyone

• tubbo, however, didn’t ever really give up sending notes. he’d spent hours writing little notes to tommy about the things he’d gotten up to in l’manberg, signing it carefully and making sure his handwriting was perfect; he avoided the sour subjects and doodled little pictures in the corners like tommy always liked. he never got a response.

[elysianslove]

hihi, can I request smth! Idk of this comply to your request rules cause I can't find it in your blog (sorry!!) The request is hc with Atsumu, Kuroo and Iwaizumi with an s/o that is considered a bitch by people. Like they don't let anyone walk all over them, people are scared of them but admire them esp in terms of academics but they're actually v loving and a big clumsy mess.

hii!! yeah i don’t really have a set of rules for requesting mainly cause i couldn’t think of any haha, but your request is more than okay! i’ve been obsessing nonstop over atsumu especially recently, and today wasn’t the best of days for me, so this was nice to write heh. thank you for requesting it. i hope you enjoy <3

miya atsumu 

atsumu is obsessed w you

seriously, he is just enamored by you. the way you hold your ground and always stand up for yourself, never letting anyone saying anything about you pass by you, your presence so intimidating. he loves it so much. he’s especially fond of the way you’re not even a bitch, you’re just confident in who you are, and everything you’re good at.

he observes from afar at first, the way people shrink in comparison to you regardless of your height. your aura just seems so. powerful? he really wants to approach you, and because this is miya atsumu, the first thought that crosses his mind is this person needs to be mine <3 no he will not take criticism.

so he does. approaches you, introduces himself in a way like you’re already meant to know who he is and he’s just doing you a favor. his heart breaks into tiny little pieces when you just go, “sorry, but no.” 

like literally just that you don’t go in detail or anything. you just reject him so plain and simple it’s actually worse than a full fledged out angry rejection. osamu’s so impressed he ready to have you added to his future will. 

he grows on you, though, over time. atsumu’s so quitter, and your rejection had only spurred him on. he would’ve backed off, because is a consent king, as they all are and should be, but you’re always so prepared with a quip back at him and you never actually push him away. it’s like a flirty game of tug of war between you two. eventually, he asks you out again, and just for old time’s sake, you jokingly say no lmao. all blood drains from his face that you actually kinda feel bad.

generally, he’s very proud to have you as his s/o. he himself has dealt with people constantly being put off by him and his attitude, so to see you deal with it so well is kind of? encouraging? uplifting? yk? 

he also likes how people are both scared of you and admire you. like. he relates to them! you’re incredible! 

he’s always snickering when he sees a student approach you literally trembling like a leaf and asks for your help in something academics related. you always say yes, which is something that just. pinches at his heart. the student is also always so surprised at the fact that you’re willing to help. god. atsumu will never have enough of their reactions to you. 

when you grow more comfortable with each other, and he discovers what you’re truly like, the person you really are beneath, atsumu just straight up falls in love. he didn’t think you could be any more perfect for him, honestly. 

he’s loves the way people are so intimidated by you but he knows that just a few minutes ago you were doodling little hearts in his notebook. 

a part of him wants so many more people to be aware that sometimes you can trip over air, and that you’re not as elegant and stoic as everyone thinks you are, but then he’s reminded of the fact that only he knows you’re truly like this, and he shakes that part of him off. atsumu genuinely adores knowing this additional, secret part of you. he doesn’t think you’re fake at all for having what’s seemingly a facade. he just thinks not enough people know what you’re truly like, and that you’re a gem, truly. 

he’s also like weirdly obsessed with the two of you as a couple? he knows people are intimidated by him, and it’s so painfully obvious people are intimidated by you. he just. eats that shit up. 

he’d also be really supportive if it ever gets to you. super ready to fight anyone. he’ll always tell you “these fake bitches don’t matter babe we the only real ones 😼💯” god havejkdkd 

anyways i been fantasizing about having miya atsumu as my bf somebody help im going insane 

kuroo tetsurō

kuroo knows of you. everybody does. you’re like, exceptionally good at being one of the most talked about people and also being the most mysterious person in school. the duality has him heart eyes for you. 

what probably catches his attention is the way people talk about you, in general, but specifically regarding academics. he overhears a group of people like whispering to each other about you while you’re just standing there minding your own business. they’re just encouraging one of them to approach you and kuroo’s like hm ! let me butt in bc why not ! 

as a joke, he slides up next to you and points at the group of students and whispers, “they’re talking about you.” 

this obviously ticks you off and without looking back you stomp over to the students and just go, “if you have something to say about me say it to my face!” and kuroo’s just watching like ,,, damn that’s hot. the students are so confused and ten times more scared than they first were and one of them just squeaks out that they only wanted to ask for help and you just , “oh. okay! :D.” kuroo’s just ,,, he’s losing his damn mind. 

he finds you really interesting, honestly, the way you’re just so strong? like mentally especially. you’re really mature, and you have a strong sense of self. he admires that about you, and continues to love that even when you start dating. 

he does ask you out, and he’s a little surprised you said yes, he’s not gonna lie. but you did, from the first time, and he just took you out to a simple picnic date. it was very cute, and the whole time he made you laugh and you were a completely different person than what he had first seen and expected. 

he really likes the fact that you’re really confident in yourself in that you won’t let anyone step on you or walk all over you. like he just loves watching you hand someone’s ass to them because they decided they wanted to make a smart comment about you. seriously, he’s insanely in love with it. 

he realizes pretty quick that the only reason people are so thrown off by you or are scared to approach you is because no one really gives you a chance to be yourself? like they’re always expecting the worst from you, having heard all these terrible things about you that half aren’t even true, that they don’t even bother trying to get to know you. and that fact really bothers him a lot, he’s not gonna lie, because he believes you’re the best person he’s ever had the pleasure of meeting. 

he really loves that you don’t let it bother you though. he’s impressed with how it doesn’t matter if some friends turn out fake, because, in your words, “good riddance.” 

the two of you kind of feed off each other’s energies? like he’s super confident in himself, and so are you, so you two only benefit each other in your presences. 

to put it simply, kuroo is incredibly impressed with who you are as a person, and it warms his heart so much how you’re so incredible of a person in so many ways, in that you neither let anything pass you by, and in that you’re the cutest, kindest soul he knows. 

iwaizumi hajime

brat tamer #1 <3 

i think iwa genuinely doesn’t care. not about you! about the things people say. like he hears so many rumors about you and he’s like .... ok. oikawa’s always feeding them to him but he’s just? not bothered by it? doesn’t care? it’s irrelevant information for him anyways? 

but then. 

but then. 

he walks past a scene where he sees you just destroying this poor kid. you’re verbally destroying him. the kid’s buried six feet under at this point. you’re not even yelling, but the guy’s shrinking under your gaze and your words and iwazumi’s so mesmerized by the way you do it so flawlessly. you don’t stutter because you’re so sure of your words and so confident in your stance. iwazumi. hums in approval. like. hm. good for them. as they should. 

after that he starts paying more attention to anything he hears about you, because he wants to know more. he doesn’t know why. he just does. and then he hears all these different things like “they’re so good at everything they do they can’t be real” and “i would never speak to them if they were the last person on earth” like ? he’s so confused WHICH IS IT

so, because iwaizumi’s a pretty straightforward person, he approaches you. 

do not confuse this though, because iwa is a blushing and flustered mess as he asks you to hang out. he’s never done this before, and this is not his style, but he’s just so interested in who you are as a person he was doing it before he realized it happened. 

the way you react is so? sweet? 

it’s so different than that day he saw you murdering that guy for talking smack, you seem so light and loving he actually feels his heart beat a little too fast in his chest. 

as his s/o, iwaizumi likes that he can trust you with yourself. like a part of him will always have that protective side to him, because that’s just the person iwa is, and he’ll always feel the need to step up and speak for you. but another part of him is really amazed by the way you can and are so able of speaking up for yourself. he feels really proud at the lack of insecurity. 

he also feels really smug about being with you. because he knows people are intimidated by him, and especially by you, but now that you’re together, he feels untouchable, and he knows you are too. he likes that feeling of power a little too much. 

if you ever step out of line at some point, iwaizumi will definitely let you know. he’ll point it out, and if you resist, he knows how to get you down off the pedestal. he’s had brat taming training for years lmao 

but he doesn’t think you’re a brat, not at all. in fact, he thinks you’re the sweetest person ever. he loves the versatility of your personality and attitude, in that you’re not just black and white and there’s so much more to you, there’s always grey in between. he likes that you’re endlessly dimensional and that he’s always learning something new about you. 

he especially loves the side of you that’s so soft spoken. it’s so endearing to him how you’re one moment so angry you could murder someone in cold blood but then all of a sudden you’re pinching his cheeks and kissing the tip of his nose telling him how cute he is. 

yeah iwa really loves you hehe <3

[ashes-and-ashes]

ok could you write a canon divergence fic where james and lily beat voldemort/ survive (idk maybe prongs stabbed him with his antlers idk) and their happy and safe. (It’s like set straight after the first war assuming Voldemort like died) but then we see the breakdown of wolfstar cause siruis was the one who thought Remus was the spy? And like even if it was wartime and everyone was “paranoid” it doesn’t excuse the fact that the one thing would’ve killed remus inside (his friends not trusting him cause he was a “dark creature”) was the reason the love of his life didnt trust him. essentially sad wolfstar hours :(

They meet in the hospital, in a darkly-paneled corridor at the corner of the emergency ward. Flickering ward lights hover just above Sirius’ head, strangely elongated shadows stretching out across the floor.

He’s exhausted. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing for - an hour? Two hours? They hadn’t let him in yet - they were still running tests on James and Lily, testing for curses and jinxes and god knew what else the death of a Dark Lord could do to somebody.

He knows it was a scene he’d forever see in his nightmares, mixed with Walburga and wars and the unseeing eyes of his brother. A blown-out house; shattered windows, broken doors, dust sifted with ashes on the ground. Blood splattered on the walls in an almost elegant arc. The single, reedy cry of Harry, bundled in Lily’s arms as she protected him with her body, shrapnel embedded under her skin. James on his back, head tipped back against the stairs, neck a hollow arc pointing up at the sky.

Sirius paces back and forth now; his mouth tastes of blood and ash. He’s bitten through his lip again, into sores that hadn’t yet healed and it stings as he runs his tongue over the raw flesh. The clock ticks mockingly next to him, each second an hour, each minute a lifetime.

He’s never been to a hospital, not alone like this. There’s always been someone with him; James or Lily or even -

“Sirius?”

Sirius has gotten used to the feeling of guilt - ice seeping through his stomach, the bitter taste of bile. He feels himself tense; muscle locking, spine going rigidly straight, heart pounding in his ribcage as he closes his eyes. “Remus.”

They don’t say anything. There’s nothing to say. The argument still hangs in the air between them, ghosts of people they’d used to be.

Nothing prepares him for the raw panic in Remus’ voice, the fear as he noticed the blood on Sirius’ arms, on his face, the dirt and the ash and the streaks of grey. “Are you - “

“Not mine,” Sirius chokes out, chokes on pain and love and 15 years of memories wrapped up in scars. “I’m fine.”

“James - Lily - fuck, Harry - “

“I don’t know,” He runs a shaking hand over his face, trembling hard enough that he actually has to lean against the wall to stop himself from falling over. “Harry’s - he’s okay, he was crying when I found him, I think, and Lily’s back is shredded but James - he was breathing but we don’t know what happened, only that he killed - he might have killed - “

“Where are they.”

Sirius shakes his head. His throat aches, and when he lowers his hands he sees blood smeared across his palms. “We’re not allowed to see them. They’ve been in for hours at least.”

Silence. Sirius can feel Remus - he’s always been hyper aware when it came to him, catalogued the way the air seemed to shift whenever Remus was nearby. He knows that if he turns around Remus will be watching him; amber eyes, silver scars, steady enough to cut through the webs of fear that Sirius had spun around himself.

“No one told me,” Remus begins softly, and in someway it hurts more. In someway Sirius had always knew that they’d end like this - a flame dying out, something beautiful until it stopped. “Did you know that? No one told me what hospital I needed to go to, or how severe their injuries were. Hell, no one even told me that James and Lily were hurt in the first place. I only found out after Kingsley sent me an owl.”

The blows land. Sirius almost welcomes it, welcomes the stabbing pain that shoots through him, the twisted blade of guilt that Remus’ words caused.

“What was it?” Remus breathes and they’ve had this conversation so many times before. At the gates to werewolf camps and in the rain, in their shared apartment and pressed up against the wall, fingers bruising skin and cutting into flesh. “What made you think I was the spy? Was it the fact that I was gone? That I was already spying? Did you just not believe me anymore?”

“Remus - “

“Or was it because I was a werewolf? Because the whole Order distrusted me - hell, even Dumbledore distrusted me. Was it because of that?”

“What would you have done?” Sirius says - his voice is hoarse. “I was trying to keep them safe.”

“I kept them safe,” Remus says in an awful, hollow voice. “I kept them safe and I didn’t fuck over my - my - “

Boyfriend, Sirius thinks. Boyfriend and lover and partner and soulmate and best friend and -

“I can’t apologize,” he finally gets out. He’s exhausted - everything suddenly seems so cold, his entire body shaking. “I thought you were the spy. I thought a lot of things. I was wrong. But I can’t apologize for trying to protect them.”

“You thought wrong.”

“And I’m - I’m sorry. For that.” Sirius closes his eyes - he sees the hollow skeleton of the house and wants to cry. “We promised. Anything to protect Harry. That we’d sacrifice each other to do so. Remember that? A year ago?”

“I remember,” Remus says softly. “But I also remember you telling me that you’d let the world burn before pushing me away.”

Sirius cards his hands through his hair, fingers burning from the hundreds of tiny cuts on his palms. His arms and wrists are destroyed from digging through broken glass, splinters from fallen wood beams dark lines against his skin. “That’s not fair.”

“No,” Remus agrees. “It’s not.”

It sounds like a secret. It sounds like a goodbye.

“Don’t cry,” Remus says, and god Sirius remembers all the times they used to say that to each other, the desperate plea to keep your head up, keep going, stay strong. No matter what, we have each other.

“Would it hurt more to tell you that I love you?” he whispers, and even that burns coming out.

Remus pauses - the ward lights form a halo around his head and for a moment Sirius thinks he can remember the boys they used to be, the boys who loved whole heartedly, the boys who thought they were forever.

“Yes,” Remus says, and he smiles, heartbreakingly beautiful. “But it hurts even more to know that I loved you too.”

[rpmemestorehouse]

2010′s Internet Memes Starters

Change wording as needed

“Are you frustrated?”

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I-”

“Let me tell you why that’s bullshit.”

“Oh stop it, you.”

“Aww yiss.”

“France is bacon.”

“That’s cute.”

“Lie down. Try not to cry. Cry a lot.”

“Has science gone too far?”

“...said no-one ever.”

“We need to go deeper.”

“Do you think this is a motherfucking game?”

“NOPE.”

“Oh baby, a triple!”

“Brushie brushie brushie~”

“Spooky scary skeletons!”

“FUCK YEA.”

“You could stop at five or six stores, or, just ONE.”

“You hear about video games?”

“Release the kraken!”

“Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?”

“ ‘It will be FUN’, they said!”

“You’ve been GNOMED!”

“Deal with it.”

“And not a single fuck was given that day.”

“It’s a double rainbow!”

“The rent is too damn high!”

“You jelly?”

“Challenge accepted.”

“Come at me bro!”

“Pootis!”

“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?”

“Are you a wizard?”

“Bitch please!”

“I know that feel bro.”

“Shut up and take my money!”

“I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”

“NO.”

“I hope you step on a LEGO.”

“That really rustled my jimmies.”

“And then a skeleton popped out!”

“I’ve seen some shit.”

“gEnIuS!”

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

“This isn’t even my final form!”

“You had one job.”

“Kill me.”

“Majestic as FUCK.”

“Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to talk about [insert]?”

“I swear on me mum...”

“You have no power here!”

“REKT!”

“What a time to be alive.”

“If I pull that off, will you die?”

“It will be extremely painful...for you.”

“FUCK THIS GAY EARTH!”

“Hide the pain Harold.”

“Local man ruins everything.”

“Mom, get the camera!”

“I cri evrytiem.”

“The struggle is real.”

“I am the one who knocks!”

“Perfection.”

“This is the darkest timeline.”

“I’m about to end this man’s whole career.”

“I regret nothing!!!”

“I lied.”

“I’ve seen enough [insert] to know where THIS is going.”

“Oh god why-”

“Everyday I’m shufflin’-”

“You wot mate?”

“Everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked...”

“Man door hand hook car door-”

“Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on my sweater already, Mom's spaghetti-”

“Oppa Gangnam style!”

“When [place] is ashes, you have my permission to die.”

“I only cried for 20 minutes.”

“Pepperidge Farm remembers.”

“Go home, [Name], you’re drunk.”

“Fuck me, right?”

“I should buy a boat.”

“2deep4you”

“Apply cold water to that burn.”

“420 blaze it!”

“That’s a nice new [insert]. It would be a shame if something happened to it...”

“I too, like to live dangerously.”

“You know nothing, [Name].”

“I’m getting too old for this shit.”

“Does this look like the face of mercy?”

“It was me, [OWN NAME]!”

“Stop trying to make [insert] happen! It’s not going to happen!”

“You merely adopted the darkness.”

“See? Nobody cares.”

“I will find you, and I will kill you.”

“I understood that reference!”

“Listen here, you little shit-”

“It’s an older meme, sir, but it checks out.”

“Ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli.”

“How do you do, fellow kids?”

“Ow, the edge!”

“*teleports behind you* Nothing personal, kid.”

“Pee is stored in the balls.”

“We have food at home.”

“You must be new here.”

“Goats are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters.”

“ERMAHGERD BERKS-”

“That’s the evilest thing I can imagine!”

“Dammit Moon Moon!”

“When u mom com home and make hte spagheti-“

“When will you learn? When will you learn?! THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?!”

“helo would u like some of this hot choclety milk?”

“Be strong, [Name]. Be strong for Mother.”

“Ayy LMAO.”

“Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.”

“Shrek is love, Shrek is life.”

“Heard you were talking shit!”

“The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

“Look at me. I’m the captain now.”

“This could be us, but you playing.”

“They played us like a damn fiddle!”

“I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.”

“I’m in me mum’s car, broom broom!”

“Hand me the aux cord.”

“Press F to pay respects.”

“Trust nobody, not even yourself.”

“Anime was a mistake.”

“It’s just a prank, bro!”

“Don’t talk to me or my son ever again.”

“Are ya winning, son?”

“Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.”

“I lived bitch!”

“You just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand.”

“*chuckles* I’m in danger.”

“That wasn’t very cash money of you.”

“They had us in the first half, not gonna lie.”

“DEEZ NUTS-”

“Alone on a Friday night? God, you’re pathetic.”

“Why the fuck you lyin’? Why you always lyin’? Mmmm oh my GOD, stop fuckin’ lyin’~”

“You’re gonna have a bad time.”

“I’m at soup!”

“IT’S TIME TO STOP!”

“Congratulations, you played yourself.”

“I’m you, but stronger.”

“This is fine.”

“Hello darkness my old friend~”

“Sosig.”

“Jesus Christ, it’s Jason Bourne!”

“I have crippling depression!”

“WE ARE NUMBER ONE!”

“That’s where you’re wrong, kiddo.”

“Take a fucking sip, babes.”

“Brother, may I have some oats?”

“God I wish that were me.”

“Ah, I see you’re a man of culture as well.”

“Oh, worm?”

“Hewwo!”

“Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?”

“Am I a joke to you?”

“Let me in. LET ME IIIIIINNNNN!!!!!”

“You know I had to do it to ‘em.”

“Why is the FBI here?”

“Oh no baby what is you doin’???”

“Hey man, you see that guy over there?”

“Buenos días, [Name]!”

“Hey there demons, it’s me, ya boy.”

“Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.”

“Then perish.”

“Somebody toucha my spaghet!”

“My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined.”

“Weird flex, but okay.”

“I’m baby.”

“STONKS!”

“OK, boomer.”

“Yep, this one’s going in my cringe compilation.”

“This is so sad. Alexa, play Despacito.”

“Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.”

“All right then, keep your secrets.”

“They did surgery on a grape.”

“It ain’t much, but it’s honest work.”

“Look how they massacred my boy!”

“Bro! You just posted cringe! You are going to lose subscriber.”

“Wait, that’s illegal.”

“Bro, I’m straight-up not having a good time.”

“Gonna cry? Gonna piss your pants maybe?”

“I’m gonna do what’s called a pro gamer move.”

“Say sike right now.”

[againstauthority]

Recovery without a support system:

To give more context, I reccomend you read my last one about how therapy is a scam.

This time, I'm talking about recovery and support systems. If you read any psychology article about trauma or mental illness, the "genius" advice they give every time is "get therapy" and "tell your family/friends." If you're someone who has these options, you're probably not looking for these articles.

If you are young or broken-hearted, you probably dream about being saved. You're tired of fighting alone, you crave the understanding and intimacy of another person, you see others who have somebody and feel jealous of them, you grieve the relationships that could've been better; these things are ok. You have the right to feel sad, lonely, envious, angry, and fearful about your future. Although you are alone, a sense of dependancy lives in you; you think to yourself, if I had someone who showed me love, I could feel good enough about myself to recover. Let me tell you something, as someone who's been there, too: you are enough on your own.

This might first come off as ignorant or condescending; if I told this to myself years ago, I would die on this hill that I need someone to save me. It's because I had been lonely for so long, the idea of being saved was so romanticized, I put all my hope in my wishes to take away my pain from being hurt and abandoned again and again. I held on to this wish because I believed someone had to be out there, it felt like the only thing that could possibly vanquish this state, I was told so many times I was not good enough and I needed someone else to prove it wasn't true. I would never believe that I could be strong enough on my own, but I was fucking wrong. When you're in this state, you are convinced that only a savior is powerful enough to enlighten you out of your self hatred, and the weak and hopeless relationship with yourself is not feasibly strong enough to change. This state is a box that seems like it will always be closed, but it won't, and you'll find it open even though you swear it won't.

It's not bad to crave intimacy and understanding, that's human. I wish we lived in a world where people were more accepting, but you know by now how harsh people can be. You know that good relationships (including friendship) are hard to come by, are hard to mantain, and may only last a short time. You know that people don't always care about you, can be toxic, can betray your trust and leave you - and that fucking hurts. Let me tell you, you don't have to prove you are enough to people, this isn't about them - it's about you. This is your life, you're an individual with your own personality, circumstances, experiences, lifestyle, and desires. No one knows you better than you, and all the loving things you've wanted to hear about yourself, you already know in a much more intimate way.

If your family is not there or is a negative presence, if you don't have friends or your friends are not there for you, I'm sorry. If you have been hurt in a way that wants to be healed by someone, if you are misunderstood, if you want to feel safe around others and have someone to talk to, if there is someone you wish loved you, you are validated in wanting compassion and understanding. You deserve the support and security of having people there for you; however, not everyone gets it. That is ok, because you are enough without it - you've come it this far alone. That takes a lot. You are exhausted, and you're probably insisting that you need to rest in the company of someone. You already know what I'm going to say - it's better to be alone than in the company of people who make you feel unloved. I almost lost my life many times to loneliness, but it was not being alone that got me - it was feeling unwanted. Loneliness is a bitch, it's a horrifying and gruelling thing to cut the toxic people out of your life and accept being alone. I promise, it's going to suck for a long time, but it pays off for the rest of your life. You'll be tormented by feeling unlovable and desolate, but with time, these feelings really fade away. You will survive loneliness and find a lifestyle that feels free.

The key to recovery is understanding yourself + learning the psychology of what you've been through/are dealing with, and applying this knowledge in a way that works for you. Gather knowledge and use it to give yourself understanding and compassion. The more time you spend with yourself, away from shame and self hatred, the more you'll understand and come to appreciate yourself.

Of course it takes time to figure out how to apply this knowledge in a way that's relevant to you and adopt this practice, but it's much more effective this way. People are unreliable; it's not guaranteed someone will be there to save you, they will stay and not hurt you further. If you choose self help, you are gaining knowledge you can use forever in so many ways, and practices you can depend on. You are not weak for being lonely, but you deserve yourself. This is here to empower you, not patronize or intimidate you. I've been there, but let me tell you: even though it takes time getting used to being alone, it pays off. You can heal yourself.

[thor-reincarnation-rights]

The contrast between Thor and Magne (and what I Love about it and how it is all inspired by this gif i made at 2 am)

Let's go

Magne is a cinnamon Roll. He is!! I ..the first thing we learn about Magne is that he likes to help people, he's really kind hearted. HE is the one one that helps his mother with the house, helps is the one that goes to therapy just to make her happy, prays of losing his power (his identity) at the thought of losing his brother. He is. A . ✨Cinnamon roll✨. we call him a baby for a reason!!

Only thing I can think of that's kinda negative in Mange is his anger issues, since he was mentioned to have before his awakening.

Now ... let's talk god of war and fertility!!

Thor also had ..anger issues. He was believed to be short tempered though he was kind at heart and cared for mankind (sounds like an otome game Li but you do you god of thunder) he was far from a gentle but he was believed to be a kinda of a loving god. He was a fighting genius, no, really. Man god won almost all of his battles and not just because he was huge and masculine but he knew how to fight. Patience was not his strong suite and neither was his sense of humor. He also was a bit Aloof

Ok some of you will think: How's that a contrast? Like they're both huge, strong, angry, and care for the people.

And to that I say: yes...and no

Yes, like i said Magne had anger issues before but his seem to be on the "angry talking and smashing things " you can see it in Turid's reactions, she's always making sure he keeps his hands busy and calming him physically. You can also see it when he's angry with his mother in season 1 or when he saw Laurits with Vidar . He's angry you can see it but he's never over the top aggressive with his family .

Now compare this to the minute Magne thought Laurits took Vidar's side. He held his brother by the collar he was never physically aggressive with one of his family members before What? He also just jumped to the conclusion that Laurits being on Vidar's side. Things that I don't imagine Magne from before coming to Edda would do. I'm not saying that he didn't fight with Laurits before . Im saying this type of fight ...I don't think so. Magne also was a bit Aloof with Laurits??? Which is like WHAT? WHAT?? remember when I said the first thing we know about Magne is that he is kind hearted.? Yeah ...that guy was being Aloof. Ya know the kind of aloof trait I'd expect from a king or ya know... a god...when he's talking to someone he looks down on his actions.

It's like he has Thor's mindset and then his own mindset

Let's go further ...when Magne said he didn't want his powers. He said that because he killed somebody ( who clearly deserved it but that's beyond the point) but most importantly because he felt he was losing laurits. THATS what matters to him the most, his brother not trusting him, no one hurting his brother! That's Magne!!! You wanna know how that's a Magne trait?

he is no longer Thor when he has this mindset

And even when he is for a while he wishes he is not ,rejecting any Thor ideas that might come to him... Only the Magne mindset remains

"maybe I'm not Thor" littrely he is not Thor when he's saying this ... He's Magne...the teenage boy that cares about his brother more than anything. If he was thinking with the Thor in him in this moment he'd be ok killing Vidar he'll even be planning killing the next giant

Moving forward to the point where he came back to Odin and the other gods. What matted to him the most was killing giants! And when Odin tells him he's gonna use the doctor/care taker, Magne didn't say "but that's wrong" or "he's innocent" nah ..HE SMIRKED. He was so ok with this to the point where HE SMIRKED (he looked so beautiful btw look at him) . That's Thor. Yes he might not be Thor in that moment but the Thor mindset stuck with him . He was Thor for a while.

And it is even shown more when Laurits fingers out Magne has his hammer, Laurits asked Magne if he trusts him and Magne didn't answer. When Laurits reminded him that he would be taking the side that would kill his brother, Magne didn't say "it's to protect you" or " I have to do this" even though this was part of why he got his weapon back. No ..he said "its my nature"

So, what am I trying to say?

Well...

Magne is like Thor in some traits yet contracts him in othe

•this is beautiful

you: Really? That's the best you got? Of course he's Thor the whole show is him being Thor

Me, and intellectual: Magne doesn't! I mean he does...

He knows he's Thor just couldn't cope with the idea of him being the actual Thor for most of this season.

He's used to being Magne , his interactions, actions in his everyday life led to him being well ...Magne

Like Iman has always liked jewels and was always a buzz bee and those traits sky rocketed once she was awakened because she IS freyia and thats just how she freyia is.

Magne personality and mindset will merge into Thor's because he IS Thor he just needs more time to get used to his old traits

This guy IS the ancient god, he just looks a bit different

And with that gods and giants, I rest my hammer.