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idontliekmondays · 2 days

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excerpts from lindsay's old classmate

1.28.13 I have really tried to like Lilith but after two weeks with her I can't. My thinking on it is she hasn't given a reason to like her. It's more like she tries to complain, storm off, be rude, and ignore the rest of us as much as she can. Her special skill is that she can walk anywhere in high heels.

2.05.13 Lilith did not get any roti because she decided to stay in her room the whole day.

Dance lessons. And a full shot of me in uniform. Thai dancing does not require a lot of movement so it can be done in a pencil skirt. Left side, front to back: Deanna, Me, Donna, Lilith. Right side: Dance teacher, Karen.

2.07.13 (I have mentioned before that Lilith gets motion sick. So today instead of getting in the front seat like she's supposed to she climbed in the back of the songthaew with everyone else. The whole time I'm praying in my head "Don't throw up everywhere, don't throw up everywhere" because she started looking sick about half-way through the trip back. I really do not understand her logic).

Drexler is forcing Lilith to go to yoga or meditation (it's so nice she's paying all this money to go to another country to sit in her room on the computer all day.)

2.08.13 More creepy messages from Lilith's talking horse doodle today. She told us that she gets all these from a tumblr account called Crazy Horse(?). I also don't think she gets what all of them mean, because the horse's first message today was "Pumpkin Jokes.PDF". Really confused on that one. She erased that and had the horse say "Becoming a bounty hunter is not easy but I am here." I can see these two coming from a tumblr account, though they make zero sense to me. She then drew a dog and gave it this dialogue "Timid little girls she never put fairies on the summer gathering place for the Nazi elite." I'm really getting freaked out by some of her messages and was very thankful when Ajan Pranut (our afternoon teacher today) erased them.

2.11.13 Watched Lilith fight with a bee for her cake. She hates insects so she literally flew from her chair to get away from it. Then thought swearing would shoo it away. The bee cared more about the cake.

2.13.13 Originally I was going to say writer but Lilith wants to be a writer (today's creepy horse message was "Bring me all the people and I will make sure they are burning." Don't think I want to see anymore of her work)

When everyone returned we had a review session (except Niko and Lilith because her boyfriend broke up with her today. Most of us had to take a moment to go "You had a boyfriend??").

2.14.13 Last post I said Lilith's boyfriend broke up with her. Today she was excused from half of our midterm because she told Drexler she was up all night. Later, Donna informed me that she had downed a whole bottle of wine to help deal with her feelings. That's definitely healthy (sarcasm).

2.15.13 Drexler informed me he was forcing Lilith and myself to go to Tai Chi today with his wife Barbara.

Lilith stood there most of the time refusing to follow the movements and afterwards said "It wasn't her thing". For those who know Lilith at Coe, I saw her wearing ballet flats today, not heels!!

We complained about Lilith and Donna told us the funny story of how at Multicultural fusion orientation, where every African American freshman was, Lilith announced that she hated black people during her introduction. If you ever wanted a stupid idea, here's one of the dumbest ones ever. She has not been invited back since.

2.18.13 Lilith grossed everyone at her table out by hogging the delicious fried chicken, eating it with her fingers, and dipping her spoon (the only utensil that goes in your mouth besides chopsticks) into the soup. I feel Barbara has caught on to her.

Some of the people I'm here with. From left to right: Lilith, Niko, our guide/the Dean, Alessa. This temple was at the second ruins. I think it was a temple.

2.20.13 Forgot about going to Tai Chi today so got going a little later than planned. Lilith did not join us this time (my prayers have been answered!!) so she will be forced to go to yoga or something else. Barbara is the type of teacher who believes that if we talk to her we will realize she's just shy, not a bad person. This makes me remember she has a Hitler poster in her single at Coe. I don't think we'll be painting each others toe nails and gossiping about boys any time this lifetime. Or the next.

2.22.13 On the way back from buying detergent I walked past Lilith who made a point of ignoring me. I get the feeling she doesn't want to be friends.

2.28.13 Lilith's creepy horse message of the day was "Is the dance floor calling? No."

Lilith, who's half Laotian and this was her first time visiting Laos, spent her time in her room on her computer. Again I wonder why she came on this trip.

3.03.13 The other skit was... awkward. Lilith was randomly sitting on the ground talking about absinthe and Deanna happily stormed out at the end.

3.11.13 I had to sit by Lilith who dressed herself as a hooker. If my grandma saw the way she was dressed, that would be the first word out of her mouth. She bought some platform high heels that don't have a heel. I will take a creeper picture when I get the chance because they are so outrageous. They look like Lady Gaga shoes as a better description.

3.15.13 One thing I did edit out was how completely disgusting and rude Lilith was today. She actually belched at one of the Vietnamese students. Her behavior ranged from obnoxious to 'I was raised in a cave by monkeys'. The students were very concerned that she wasn't having fun.

3.18.13 Watched Drexler try to talk to Lilith about some issues that she has been causing but we watched their body language get more and more closed so it was probably not successful.

3.26.13 When you get out of an elevator it is a common prank to push all the other buttons. Instead, I pushed all the buttons on the way up to our floor. Deanna and Donna took it as a joke but you could feel the loathing rolling off Lilith in waves so much it scared the others. I am not sad to say it made me happy to make her angry. I am a terrible person, but she is worse. One story the host students keep talking about often is how when Lilith showed up at her host's house she asked for potato chips. When none were given she asked to be taken to the bar.

3.30.13 Had to sit by Lilith. Again. I'm starting to believe that I am put in charge of her, that Drexler thinks I can handle this responsibility.

We are the first Asia Term to come here. It's all thanks to Lilith who's half Laotian and her dad wanting her to meet his side of the family. That's happening tomorrow. Perhaps getting sick suddenly would be the ideal way to deal with meeting a family of Nazis. This is her first time meeting her dad's family so we are expecting her to hate them immensely and the day to be awkward or they will make her their new leader.

3.31.13 She decided to wear her hooker shirt today to meet her dad's family for the first time. Hope she doesn't regret that later on.

4.04.13 In previous years Asia Term has been there for a week but because Lindsay wanted to meet her relatives our time in Cambodia has been cut down.

4.25.13 Lilith has gotten on everyones last nerve. Including Drexler's. It's a good thing we're coming home in a little bit.

source

#teeceecee #lindsay souvannarath #tccblr #tee cee cee #tcc tumblr #cockswastika #mine #info #i left out a lot of stuff #that was just rude #and unnecessary #like how she chews too loud

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jamesdegriz · 1 day

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You're sick and in relationship with Jordan: headcanons

(Gifs are not mine, please DM for credit if you recognize your work and want to be tugged)

It's a flu season so I hope you will enjoy a little bit of fluff and feeling of being cared for. :)

- I see it going two ways. Either Jordan snaps into protective mode or they start avoiding you, afraid of getting sick themselves.

If it's something light, like a flu, they will let you alone, just checking in on you by messages or calls, occasionally bringing you food and medicine. But if it's something more serious like pneumonia they are too worried and protective to let you deal with this by yourself. In that case...

- Jordan makes you move into their dorm. You take the bed and they would sleep on the couch. They are more snippy and sarcastic then usual (even if you have been in a relationship for awhile) because they are afraid to really show how much you being sick worries them to their core.

○ "You will get sick too." You say in the last attempt to dissuade Jordan from being an overbearing mother hen. "I won't." They reply stubbornly. "My immune system is much stronger to fall for some weak-ass virus." Jordan adds proudly with an half-amused half-dismissive huff. A small fleeting smile on their face doesn't go unnoticed by you when you chuckle despite yourself at the antics of your partner.

- Overbearing isn't enough to describe Jordan when it comes to taking care of the sick you. They make sure and force you to eat if you forget. They impose a strict quarantine and won't let you do anything too physical or go to classes (even online ones) .

- Some of their commonly used phrases include:

"No way in hell you're going to classes like that."

"What gym? I don't care if it's meditative yoga. You're not going, that's my final word."

"You're feeling better already? If you can walk to the door and back without coughing I will consider believing you."

○ "I can take care of myself!" I sniffle with a small pout. "The hell you can. Should I remind you that you have higher fever now because you snuck out to the classes despite me telling you not to?" Jordan counters with the hand on their hip and pointing the thermometer at you accusatorily. "You didn't stay locked up in the room when you were sick" you rebuff under your breath before coughing loudly and sniffling your nose, making you snuggle more into the blankets. Jordan ignores your words as they turn on their heels, tossing their bob out of their face and walk to the other side of the room to make you some more tea.

- If you shiver too much during the night, Jordan would never say it out loud but climb into the bed with you, wrapping their arms tightly around you, warm chest pressing against your shivering back. ○ "Just spew your germs in the other direction. I have an important meeting with Brink in the end of the week." They would grumble into your hair, when you stir slightly awake, giving your middle a light squeeze so you know they care more than they let you know.

- In the evening, after classes and grading papers for Brink Jordan stumbles into their dorm to find you cuddled up in bed watching your comfort series. They switch to their male form as they approach you (I firmly believe that they have an irrational conviction that their invulnerabilty makes them resistant to germs).

○ "Have you eaten anything today?" Jordan asks checking you for fever by pressing the inside of their forearm to your forehead. "No, I had no appetite." You reply softly leaning into their touch. The illness and sleeping not cuddled up to Jordan every night, making you crazy touch starved. "I figured as much," they grumble rolling their eyes. "Here, I got you some soup from the take-out place you like so much." A plastic bag is put in your lap carefully, the warmth radiating to your palms when you wrap your hands around it carefully. Jordan will sit with you, rolling their eyes at your show but not complaining, just to make sure that you will finish your meal.

- No surprise they end up sick after you and you need to take care of them, which is a lot like trying to cuddle a grumpy cat, because Jordan refuses to believe they are sick. It doesn't help that hearing Jordan trying to be sarcastic and defensive with their nose all stuffy, makes you smile and giggle from how adorable they sound. That annoys Jordan even more until they fall silent and start pouting and you have to hug them a kiss the pout away while they try half-heartedly to push you away.

#jordan li x reader #gen v x reader #jordan li #the boys #for once i don't belong in the asylum #gender neutral reader #gen v #headcanon

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avonne-writes · 2 years

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Sickfic headcanons

Does anyone have lucemond sickfic headcanons? Here are some of mine:

Aemond is extremely irritable when he’s sick. He snaps at the slightest annoyance. However, when Luke combs his fingers through his hair, he relaxes, and it's something that can put him to sleep if he's restless.

Luke needs a lot of warmth and physical comfort when he’s sick, and basically that's one of the only times when Aemond initiates the cuddling. He also runs them a hot bath and holds a fatigued Luke in his embrace, stroking his arms as they relax in the warm water.

If Aemond says he's staying in bed, you'd better call a doctor because it might be the plague. Nothing else is strong enough to take him down.

Luke likes the taste of cough drops. Aemond hates them, but he still wants to kiss Luke even when he tastes like medicine.

The first time sick Luke falls asleep in Aemond's arms, Aemond is kind of creepily worried about it. He stares at Luke's flushed face and puts the pad of his thumb on Luke's parted lips to feel him breathing through his mouth to make sure he's alive.

#lucemond #aemond targaryen #lucerys velaryon #i'm so sick guys #been living on strepsils all day #i want soup but i would have to make it for myself #bed sounds like a better idea #don't mind me if I post random lucemond stuff tonight

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essektheylyss · 9 days

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I was personally assaulted (honorific) by this essay on ambition. It's very good.

#megs is reading #I would've linked it as a full link but it didn't parse right. which probably means it has some settings against AI which. good for them!#hilariously I was complaining immediately before reading it that SO MUCH of the discussion around burnout and overwork are like #'well you should train yourself to enjoy things and live in the moment and say fuck work and not worry about it making you more productive!#and like. as a writer. as a person whose brain will eat itself alive if I do not write. NOT because augh productivity #but cuz [that one post about how if you don't draw the images will clog up inside you and make you sick]#this does not ever spark joy. I want to do the work I enjoy and find fulfilling! I want that work to be valued enough to let me do it!#where is my discussion around burnout for people who like. can in fact sit down and enjoy a nice cup of tea or cooking a pot of soup #that's not the goddamn problem here. the problem is that not all labor is valued and in fact very little labor if any is valued.#the products are labor are valued. the labor itself is an inconvenient stepping stone that it would be nice to not have to take.#ANYWAY I'm just going to go try to finish my fucking book draft now. and convince myself that it matters.

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girlscience · 4 months

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Okay. I know I have a lot of cooking mutuals, what do I need to do to make cooking enjoyable??? I am so fucking tired of eating canned soup and kraft mac n cheese and "concoction" (ground beef with whatever else I have that needs eaten and every spice I own). I know people say "if you don't like veggies try different ways of cooking them!" here the thing though, I hate veggie prep. So even changing how I cook them, everything else about veggies is an awful experience for me so I never want to do it. I know people talk about "15 minute meals!" and "one pan recipes!", but so far those have all been lies. People talk about experimenting and trying new things, but I straight up don't know how to do that. People say to listen to podcasts or audiobooks while prepping, but either I focus on the prep and hear none of the story or I focus on the story and struggle with the prep. I am not fast with prep, so meals that require prepping multiple things at once or prepping something while something else is cooking never fails to stress me out to a wild degree. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep everything from burning and keep things stirred and chop up everything and get the next ingredients out and clean as I work all at the same time. I do not enjoy picking out recipes or buying groceries (genuinely hate more than any other chore besides laundry), so meal prep is next to impossible for me. I forget to thaw meat nearly every time I want to cook something and so end up putting it off for days. I can never seem to get my roasted veggies to actually roast, somehow they just steam themselves in the oven. I do not want or like cooking gadgets, so I am doing everything with the very basic supplies. I am cooking for one person so leftovers are a constant issue (I have eaten so much left over food that I find genuinely sickening because I didn't want to waste it). And then I have to do this every day forever till I die. How do I make myself like this??? I am so fucking tired of eating gross food.

#the last time I cooked something myself I genuinely enjoyed was a pork tenderloin and the time before that was a soup #both were delicious and amazing #and both took well over several hours to complete.#I did nothing but cook those nights and didn't get to eat until like 8 or 9 #in theory!!!! neither should have taken that long but I am not speedy!!!!#but anyway because they were so time consuming and messy and stressful I have never made them again #and it's been 2 years since the soup and probably almost 1 since the tenderloin #I tried other ways of cooking pork tenderloin and they were meh to actually gross and I was fighting my gag reflex #to force myself to eat the whole thing (homemade mustard for a crust without the correct ingredients is nasty fyi)#I have a handful of cookbooks some of which have recipes I would genuinely like to eat #but it's just so much #I don't know what to do #I ate some chicken strips and lettuce (both dipped in ranch) and cottage cheese last night #and I was actually forcing myself to eat every single bite because it was so gross feeling in my mouth and the taste was not good either #today I made some pilsbury cinnamon rolls and eating them was also just disappointing #I thought about making chicken and rice for dinner #I got a seasoning packet to try that my family said is super super good #but the chicken is frozen... I guess if I got it out now it would thaw #and the rice I have is eugh. it never cooks fully (tbh I'm not a huge rice person anyway)#and I don't have anything to eat with it? some frozen veggies but they don't feel like ones that would go #and I can never get frozen veggies to actually cook properly so I hate the way they feel when I eat them #I could make a muffin mix but I'm so tired of just eating carbs #I want to cry. I hate this

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hella1975 · 1 year

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sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you

#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often #bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off'#but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting #bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her #like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around #like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life #but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met #and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM #like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him #but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years #& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite #he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs #he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house #he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent #or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one'#and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company #i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon #and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it #bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people #who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight #i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now #why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough #hella goes home #my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag

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optiwashere · 11 months

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I liked doing this last week, but it will get kinda repetitive in the coming weeks. So I'm not sure if I'll do it often while I'm posting the modern/band AU, but oh well!

It's another Saturday morning in a blanket with new music. Truly all I could ever need to write.

Here's what I've been working on...

Modern/band AU is fit and ready to start posting this upcoming week. Chapter [redacted] is complete, and I'm now far enough ahead that even a few weeks of busy life won't stop a regular posting schedule. And if I keep up writing then I'll be able to post around Xmas without needing a break!

Chapter [redacted+1] has an opening sentence, which is often the hardest part.

The outline for the AU has been modified a little. Combined three chapters into one, split out another chapter into two. Probably lots of consolidation to be done otherwise. There's a weird bit in the outline that's kinda fuzzy, but I'm sure I'll knuckle my way through it since it's not thematically deep. Might even be another chapter consolidation. This fic is definitely going to be longer than the 40k I was hoping it would top out at...

Editing the previous chapters has been a fun exercise in trimming the fat! I still want there to be scenes that are just ~vibes~ but I axed 1k words and the whole thing is cleaner for it.

More Minthara/Lae'zel is in the works, but it's mostly only the skeleton of an idea as I've had to rework it multiple times. I've a little under 1k actually written, and I'm not too convinced of what it is at the moment either. Quite frustrating.

Another seedling of an idea for non-smutty Asheera/Shadowheart fics. But it's really just "Shadowheart meets Asheera's parents" and boy I'm not ready for the mixed emotions Shadowheart's going to feel in that one. You know it's not just going to be fluff.

The Gauntlet/Nightsong segment for my core Shadowheart/Asheera series has a skeleton of an outline now. The POVs have been picked, the core beats are there, and I know it's going to hurt like a motherfucker to write some of this.

#random rambling about writing #anotheropti fanfiction mind soup #OK a lot of these tags are truly mind soup so I don't advise anyone to take them as anything but letting off steam #if I was smarter I would just type the shit in these tags into a word doc and delete it lol #in which I look at the modern/band AU and wonder what I've gotten myself into #the anxiety of feeling like it's a disaster already and mentally preparing myself for that #mixed with the panic of realizing I'll be locking myself into months of it #bc I *cannot* stand having unfinished works #if you've been wondering why I'm writing as much as I can before posting anything this is why!#if I get hit with a week of hating what I've put out in the world then I can recover and still have chapters out #which is...#it's the same feeling I get when I submit writing to literary agents #except agents will tell you bluntly that they don't want it whereas people in fandom just glide by #as is everyone's right don't get me wrong #but I have severe problems with imposter syndrome and it's always worst when I'm posting longer stuff #and translating these characters to a modern setting and struggling with their characterizations gave me -10 to Will saves #so it's like “who is this for? is this for me and only me? does anyone need this? why make myself upset?”#anyways that was a lot of venting so now I write

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phoenixcatch7 · 11 months

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Biting biting biting I've got the BEST totk fic idea EVER and I'm NOT going to share it because I can't put it into WORDS.

But it's a totk au and kass and wolfie are there (naturally). If you think this is going to be self indulgent you're right. But I think I want it to be like, expanding on the nature of the zonai and their sky islands vs the hylians and sky loft and the cloud barrier. I want to incorporate all the theories I have about totk I've gathered over the past half year or so. I want to see the crimson loftwing again.

And I also want link to be a sage using ganons stone but I want him to get it before defeating him but that means even more finicky time travel and its already complicated enough ToT.

And I want link to resurrect the great skeletons. And get trapped in koholint. And befriend the baby wind fish.

And iI have this overarching theme so clear in my head but I can't describe it :(. It's like.... Free will and prophecy being the same thing? Schrodingers narrative. Cycles of hatred but you never perpetuated the hatred and you're dubious of the other guys free will but you're kind of sick of him anyway because he got a clean slate and started right back on his old bs and you're pretty sure he saw a lack of you in the past and started causing trouble unaware that fate herself was deeply unimpressed and about to read him for filth.

And there's a third party who gave herself to basically death and didn't expect you to save her over a sword you've never actually needed in either game and she's technically a newcomer to the cycle but she's always the newcomer and aren't you in the same boat anyway? It all comes back to the cycle and you're precisely as young as you are old and there's always a library of Alexandria that gets destroyed and it could all be so easily stopped if evil just knocked it off but free will means it won't and so you'll always respond because honestly screw that and thus free will becomes fate. Because even if he stops someone else will take the mantle and it's always you who responds because you promised. But you never had to agree in the first place because you'd do it anyway and so fate becomes free will.

And it's all a freaking CYCLE and the ground is in the clouds because you were here once ages ago and now you're here all alone because people used to be unable to reach the surface and now they can't reach the sky.

Like how am I supposed to put that in a fic where wolf link tries to eat a stam bulb and makes himself sick like an idiot because dogs can't eat garlic.

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moinsbienquekaworu · 1 year

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Also. The weird girl in school feeling of both intense jealousy and violent repulsion towards "normal" girls.

#this post brought to you by: the normaler girls i follow on insta and the stories they post #like these three girls. two of them from the same university as me. the other one also french. all in the same city as me #all exchange students at the same uni in england!#but they're going on day trips to london and living their best year abroad #and i'm - what. staying at home and making soup? sleeping and failing to buy postcards?#the warring impulses of jealousy and repulsion.#because. i want to be normal too. i want my life to be simple and nice and easy.#i want to be a pretty girl who's doing it right. i want to have my life together (somewhat) (for my age and status)#i want girlfriends in the straight way who i can have daytrips with.#i long for the simplicity of asking out cute boys and aesthetic study sessions that actually pay off #i am so blindingly jealous of them. they're so much more normal than me. they're doing Girlhood and Womanhood correctly.#but at the same time i would rather die than change so much i'd be that girl #because i am simply not that person. this is not who i am at my core #i do not want to buy startbucks. i don't want relationship drama. i don't want to put all my personal data on instagram #i do not actually want to force myself to fit into the restrictive mold of what normal and socially acceptable girlhood and womanhood are #so i feel both 1) left behind and inadequate like i'm back in middle school #2) but also at peace with the fact that you can't get along with everyone and i'm old enough to find my people now #i mean my housemates are really cool and i have other friends that are also the kind of nerdy weirdo people i hang out with #AND 3) inadequate for general 'i'm a fucking child' reasons #they're independent. they're spontaneous. they're just doing things. they're on the way to adulthood. they're in their early 20s.#what am i then but a child. i don't go out much i don't drink i have this huge aura of no romance #i need structure and plans and i have a lot of inertia #and i thought the adult thing was going well! i'm feeding myself all on my own! i'm planning my days!#i'm doing laundry and cleaning up messes! look at the adult!#she's not done baking but i was expecting much much worse honestly. i was braced for a total crumble #but no we're good. i felt proud of myself #and here i see people having the normal typical year abroad experience. and i'm not #i'm being childish and i'm wasting money doing the exact same thing i'd be doing at home but in england #anyway. 2:30. sleep time. good night #wow i have a ramble tag now

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izzy-b-hands · 1 year

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im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just

it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)

#text post #god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again #in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps #makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now #gonna sleep eventually #i think lmao #im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better #that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something #no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that #my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it #he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances)#and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year #i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND #and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live #that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me #he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off #where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself #if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao #i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine #gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings #find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try #forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others

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simplyghosting · 2 years

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Someone hurts me: ah that’s how it is sometimes

Someone hurts my mom:

#ghost posts #someone was mean to my mom today and made her feel bad #and it was not her fault at all btw #and I wanted to say I’ll walk back there right now I’ll get us all kicked out for you mom #we got home and she still felt bad #and so I did say then that I would drive back and tell him off #if you poured hot soup in my lap I would apologize #if you make my mom upset I have to remind myself I’m a pacifist*

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thestarofcottonland · 2 years

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@reigensmistress it doesnt let me @ you wahwah anyway i cant reply to posts from this account so! here’s my fragrantica ^_^ https://www.fragrantica.com/member/1664289

#i wishhhh you could follow people on there so many gorgeous reviews....#omg i tried to buy a kerosene perfume the other day but none of the sites shipped to canada. so sad maybe on ebay #also also tag tangent incoming #just decided if im gonna be back here after all im changing my name lol. have wanted to for a long time #i dont go by winter anywhere anymore i dont call myself winter in my head. but using my real name still would feel too strange #i use pea soup or peas pudding for most of my usernames now and make most online people call me pea ^^;#vivi being exceptional ofc call me winter and all the offshoot nicknames of it you want till we die. its a comfort coming from you #ok thats it didnt wanna make a post for that but didnt want to just silently awkwardly change it lol #squeaks

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whimsyprinx · 2 years

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If I tell my household I don’t want to do anything for my birthday they’ll get upset and interrogate me and I don’t know how to explain to them I simply don’t want them to do anything for my birthday because I don’t want it held over my head another year and that nothing they could do would make it a happy birthday

#whimsy whispers #my current plan is to just give the most bare minimum response to ‘what do you want to do for your birthday’#I just want soup then #i want warm soup and to be left alone by everyone in this house #i don’t want you to make or his forbid buy me dinner #i don’t want a cake and I don’t want a gift from any of you #I’m not having birthday shit held over my head again that shit hurts even if you’re ‘joking’#and then to claim that they gave me ‘the best birthday of my life’ no you have me another shitty birthday #at least this year it’ll be shitty on my own terms #sorry for being bitter about my birthday it’s just like every year sucks and I was stupid enough last year to think maybe it would suck a #bit less but as per usual I’m just an idiot #i don’t know if or when I’ll have a birthday that feels actually happy #anyways made myself sad I’m taking medicine now

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sethsbigtits · 4 months

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i shouldve packed a bigger lunch 😭

#i KNEW my HUNGRY ASS would want more 💀💀#now im just asking myself why i didnt pack more #gotta thug it out unfortunately 😔#i have one more class period and then i go home which meansssss #mac n cheese (if my younger brother hasnt eaten it all by now)#meat balls with yummydelicious soup #ribs and like............idk somethin else #im making myself even more hungry just thinking about it I GOTTA STOP

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shatterthefragments · 6 months

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Ok but for real us being soft over the Vessels’ tummies has helped me so much today

Like my pants were falling off my hips all day again. The same pair of capris that I was wearing last week and made the note: “Pulling a Vessel with the way my (loose ass) pants (with stuff in pockets) are coming down my hips”. And uh. Same today again. And so I didn’t tie them tight enough (partially bc I like not having to untie them to take them off). And so they were under my belly button and sliding down all day. Which is fine. But especially when I was doing stuff they slid further down and underneath my belly. Held up only by a hip. And if my shirt lifted up then like. It was all exposed. Soft round belly. Love handles. That crease by your hip (and above it too) (far rounder than all the vessels combined but that’s ok I’m fat and it’s okay.)

And I’m. Okay with it. (Today). I’m soft and squishy and round and it’s okay. And you know what? It’s even cute. Cute and soft and squishy and OKAY!

#body image #tummies #I think I was sappier about it before I had to try to remember and retype it but anyway. I’m actually just. feeling okay about my body rn.#which I’m really happy about?!?#like even through the pain it does so much?!#I was able to walk around and see what shops were around in an unfamiliar shopping centre #I was able to drive with minimal pain (though I do have the seat warmer on for my back)#I got to enjoy some lake time though I didn’t venture through the mud so I didn’t have to clean my work shoes which are bad enough rn #I was able to bring up my bags and groceries in one trip #I was able to scale the salmon. zest and cut and juice a bag of lemons. cut up a bunch of veggies for soup and make all of that #I got a shower (hot for comfort of course) and did a small load of laundry that I’ll have to toss into the dryer later #and I haven’t fallen down. I haven’t given up. and I’m. doing alright?!?#honestly shocked. I’ll crash tonight but that’s okay.#and I can squat down to do things that are easier closer to the ground #(ok sometimes the knee kinda clicks? out and feels like I have to rip it back into place but we’re ignoring that bc it’s been a little whil #(though usually that just means I’m due for it to happen again and not be able to bend it for a while again… ah well #hopefully I’ve strengthened it enough again that I’ll be fairly ok at least for a while…#rambling rambling eh whatever #like yeah I’m fat and there are a few reasons it would be nice to be smaller but it’s not worth the Bad Things I fall into to get smaller #and right now I’m just? so okay with it??? and I just need to keep this moment in posterity bc I can’t remember the last time I was this ok #and even POSITIVE about my body?#(I mean yeah my boudoir shoot was pretty awesome but that was years ago now and also she edited stuff as well)#(and tbh i want to do another boudoir shoot at some point. but im doing at least a few tattoos first i think. make my body Home more so 1st #just kinda. relishing in this peace and …happiness?#this is good 😌#it feels nice to feel nice about myself and my body :)#shatters’ fragments

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ratvich · 10 months

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contwnt warning for weight loss/talk & disordered(?) eating under cut

uauauaaghhgaghhh ive lost 3 pounds in the past week which like. i guess would be fine for the majority of people? however i am already underweight so it just. is nawt good. and its my fault cause i havent been eating lunch properly the past week cause we usually only have breakfast & dinner at home and im either too tired or too lazy to make myself lunch -_- i know i should just make myself food but urghtgrghhh bleh . surely replacing a meal with the "app" will be fine. bleh

#vent #veryyyyy annoyed with myself i know the solution to this. i know it. and yet. have not been doing it #i really wish we still had those microwaveable wontons :( they were so good for when not wanting #to make myself food or if being picky... alas can no longer eat gluten tho so :(#i would make myself miso soup cause i know no ones gonna use the miso paste but thats literally just water !!!!!#^ oh ya other issue is idk what foods/ingredients i can use to make other foods #cause dinner is planned for the week so that means nearly everything in fridge has specific purpose #and i want dinner ......

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