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cxrdycxps · 11 months ago

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God’s Favorite/Devil’s Choice • Ellie Williams

☢️ religious trauma • child abuse (emotional and physical • mental illness • physical illness • emotional trauma • death ☢️

Main Masterlist • Ellie Williams Masterlist

“Momma?” You asked quietly, watching out the window at the back yard. The winter had hit Jackson hard which left the entirety of the town covered in snow and frost. It looked like someone had forgotten to draw in the details of real life.

“Yes, Baby?” Your mother hummed from her spot in the living room, feet up on the coffee table and book in her hand.

You looked down at the water your hands were in and the dishes you had just washed from dinner. You weren’t sure if you should ask but the question was eating you up inside. “Was all that really true?”

“All what, Baby?” Your mother asked. You released the water from the sink and clambered down from the chair you stood on carefully. You returned the chair to the dining table and moved slowly towards the living room, half hiding in the doorway.

“Am I really going to hell?” You asked her softly and she chuckled, patting the space beside her on the sofa. You joined her, climbing up on the cushion beside her.

“I wish you weren’t.” She sighed, pulling you onto her lap and holding you close. She rocked you slightly as you sniffled. “I’ve been trying to save your soul since birth but some people, well they’re just damned.”

You cried into her chest and she rocked you quietly, shushing you. Her hand ran up and down your back slowly and you had almost drifted to sleep when she tapped your leg. “You can’t sleep yet.”

You blinked at her sleepily before nodding, climbing down off her lap and stumbling towards the little cupboard under the stairs. You were five now. You had to say your prayers for an hour every night before bed.

The door to the closet closed behind you and plunged you into darkness. You didn’t like this part. You were afraid of the dark but your mother told you that you had to pray in here. You had to try and save your soul from hell.

///

“Well this just fucking sucks, doesn’t it?” You winced when Ellie dropped herself at your table, her arms crossed. She looked around and then looked back to you. “Why do you sit on your own? Are you the town freak, am I committing social suicide on my first day of school?”

You didn’t want to tell her. In fact you would die for just one friend that your mother hadn’t run away with her Bible rhetoric but you knew this wouldn’t last long. She was rough, always swearing and she seemed to be more world weary than you. Your mother didn’t like you to know a lot about what went outside the walls of Jackson because it opened your mind to sin.

“You kind of are.” You told her quietly. She looked around again at the other tables before shrugging and picking up her sandwich. “Dina is pretty cool. You could sit with her.”

“I’ve never been cool. I was a loser back in my old school and I met my best friend that way. Don’t want to break my lucky streak now.” She spoke with food in her mouth and grinned at you. You winced but couldn’t help the little laugh you gave her. It would be nice to have a friend for a little while again.

“Have you ever heard of Savage Starlight?” Ellie asked and you shook your head. This launched her into a massive spiel on what had to be the greatest comic book ever made and she informed you about all the characters and story lines she had gotten to read.

“‘Course I don’t know how it ends which is fucking annoying but I suppose that’s my little taste to understand how surviving the outbreak was hard. What about you?” Ellie asked and you blinked at her before shrugging. “Got any hobbies?”

“Not really. I got a lot of chores to do after school. I don’t really get time.” You explained and Ellie scrunched her face up. “It’s just me and Momma. I gotta help her out cause she’s not able to get around that easy.”

“Oh. Was she hurt?” Ellie asked softly and you smiled at her thoughtfulness but shook your head. “What then?”

“She’s getting old, she says. So I have to help. That’s my job as a daughter, you know?” You explained and she seemed to be pondering the thought before shrugging.

“I mean I’m an orphan, so not really. Joel doesn’t make me do chores because he’s boring and likes doing them. Says it reminds him of before.” Ellie explained and you nodded. It made sense.

“Were you always an orphan?” You asked and she nodded, sipping at her water. “My pa died before I was born too.”

“Nice. I don’t actually know if my dad died but I’ve been in an orphanage since basically my birth. Joel is kind of like my dad except not, you know?” Ellie asked and you shook your head. You hadn’t really ever had a dad around so you couldn’t really relate.

“Not really but I’m glad you have someone.” You told her and she smiled brightly at you.

“I think now I have two someone’s.” You shared her smile a little reluctantly. Ellie was nice, you knew that made it hurt more when they didn’t want to be friends anymore.

///

“That girl, with the swearing? Is she in your class?” Your mother asked. You were stood at the sink, staring out at the back yard. Summer had come and the flowers you had planted in the spring were all in bloom. You were rather proud of them.

“Ellie?” You asked for clarification but you knew it could only be her. She had been at the Tipsy Bison with Joel for dinner and she had been swearing up a storm. “The new girl?”

“Yes, the new girl. Don’t be daft on purpose, it doesn’t suit you.” You ducked your head focusing on the warm water your hands were in. “Is she in your class?”

“There’s only one class, Momma.” You sighed and heard the sofa creak as your mother stood from her seat. You counted the foot steps it took for her to get to you.

“That sort of cheek is the reason you’ll never get past the gates of heaven.” Your mother snapped and you winced in preparation when she took a handful of your hair and pulled you towards the cupboard under the stairs. “I don’t know why I even try with you anymore. Get in there.”

The closet had gotten cramped with age but still you were supposed to fit in and pray for at least an hour when your mother got like this. She didn’t pray with you but she did expect you to pray out loud without any pauses or noises of shuffling around.

Your eyes would adjust in a few minutes and you would have to find a cramped position in which you could be comfortable because any sign of stiffness or soreness would be seen as a regret for having prayed and earn you another hour.

“I can’t hear you.” Your voice raised in level and you counted the prayers out on your fingers hoping you didn’t miss one. She wouldn’t tell you until after and you’d have to start all over again. Tears of frustration pricked at your water line and you did your best to keep your voice steady.

You hadn’t been cheeky. You were just answering her question. She was so convinced of your damned soul that she took any chance to try absolve your sins immediately after you had committed them. You weren’t sure why you weren’t able to go a day without sinning but you knew deep down your mother was right. You were awful and you would go to hell because you had been lying to her.

You and Ellie had been friends for weeks now and she had understood when you told her that your mother didn’t like you having friends. She never approached you outside of school when you were with your mother and it had turned into one of the longest friendships you’d ever had without her to get in the way.

So you prayed a little harder for your lies and begged god not to remove the first good thing that had happened to you in years.

///

“Joel is teaching me to play guitar.” Ellie told you quietly. You were supposed to be filling out your math worksheets together but both you and Ellie were very good at math and had finished them in the first five minutes. “He wanted to be a singer when he was younger.”

“Is he any good?” You asked, laughing at the idea of big Joel Miller singing the gospel music your mother played for you when she was in a good mood.

“I think so. He’s good at country at least. I don’t know about all those old pop songs that he sings while he’s washing dishes. He just looks and sounds stupid then.” Ellie told you with a grin and you laughed again.

“He seems really fun. Me and Momma don’t have fun like that.” You told her, hand reaching up to sooth your scalp that had been burning. Four times this week she’d dragged you by your hair to pray.

“I wish you could come over to our house. Joel could make dinner and you could see the garage. I basically live on my own.” Her chest puffed out and you were in awe. You’d like to live on your own you think.

“I wish I could too. I could see all your comics and posters.” You sighed wistfully and she bumped her shoulder against yours.

“I’ll just bring them all in one by one for you to see.” She promised and you smiled brightly at her, swallowing against the almost sick feeling you got in your stomach when Ellie was nice to you.

“I know you’re gonna say this is sappy but you’re my best friend, you know that?” You asked her and she laughed.

“I’m your only friend, Angel.” That nickname seemed like it was gonna stick. Ellie had chosen it when she asked why you always paused before eating your lunch. When you had explained that you were praying she had tagged you with the nickname despite your protests that you were far from an angel.

“You’re still the best.” You promised her and she laughed, resting her head on your shoulder for a minute before straightening up again. Ellie didn’t like saying sappy stuff so she chose to touch you in some way instead, it was how she showed she liked someone. “Yeah, I know. You love me too.”

She laughed and pushed you away but you noticed her cheeks turning pink and you knew you had hit the nail on the head. You were her best friend too. You’d never had that before.

///

“Momma?” You climbed the stairs slowly, surprised to not find your mother in the living room when you got home from school. There was no reply to your call and you found the bathroom door wide open along with your mothers bedroom door.

But yours was shut tightly.

You weren’t sure why your heart was pounding as you stepped closer to the door, your hand reaching for the door knob. You took a deep breath and turned it, pushing the door open.

Your room was destroyed, everything pulled out of place, all of your books open and tattered on the ground. Your dresser drawers were overturned on the ground with your clothes spilled everywhere. “Momma?”

She was sitting on the edge of your bed, just waiting and watching your reaction. You looked around again and then back to her for explanation. “Are you okay?”

Your stomach was sinking and your lungs were constricting. She knew something she shouldn’t know and you only had one secret when it came to your mother. There was only one you couldn’t share. Ellie Williams.

“You’ve been very careful.” Your mother noted casually. Like she wasn’t in the middle of your upturned room, like she hadn’t made this mess. “Not even a trace of her.”

Of course there wasn’t. She had wanted you to bring home some of her comics but you had denied her. All the little notes she had written you were tucked away in your workbook in class. You knew better than to think you had that level of privacy at home. “Trace of who, Momma?”

“Ellie Williams.” Her tone was cold and you stayed in the doorway, not daring to get any closer to her when she was like this. It was a long way down the stairs to the cupboard if she got your hair now.

“I don’t know what you mean, Momma.” Your voice shook and she laughed at you. You didn’t know how your mother made such an expression of joy manage to be the exact opposite, cold and unfeeling.

“If I didn’t know better then I’d believe you.” She said and you swallowed, looking around again like you had been careless enough to forget something. “But when Joel Miller approached me to ask could you have a sleepover, promised it wouldn’t interrupt your chores. I had to pretend to know that you’d been talking to his girl.”

You felt faint. Your hand reached out for the door frame to steady yourself when your knees buckled. You had been so careful but not careful enough.

Your mother lifted her hands and settled a long black belt over her lap, smoothing the leather of it with her index fingers. It was your belt and you suddenly had to fight the urge to vomit.

“I always knew your soul was damned.” She sighed like the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. “But I never could’ve guessed to what extent. You’ve broken two commandments.”

“Momma, I didn’t.” You spoke quickly, fear pulsing adrenaline around your body. “I didn’t lie to you. I promise. I never told you that we talked because we sit beside each other in class. We aren’t friends, Momma. She just doesn’t understand that I have other priorities, Momma.”

The words burned you to speak them. It felt a greater sin to forsake Ellie’s friendship than to lie to your mother and when the tears pricked your eyes you knew it to be true. “I’m sorry, Momma.”

“You’ve just lied to me again, haven’t you?” She asked and you nodded slowly. There wasn’t a god on this world or the next that would have you deny Ellie.

“She’s nice to me, Momma. She doesn’t treat me mean the way everyone else does.” You explained through your tears. “I just wanted one friend. Just one.”

“You have one friend. The only friend you need. Jesus Christ who died for your sins.” Your mother stood and walked towards you.

“It’s not a sin to love Ellie, Momma. She’s my best friend.” Your mother froze in place, her eyes narrowed at you. You realized your mistake a second too late. “Not like that, Momma. We’re just friends.”

“Praying ain’t enough for you, child.” She handed over the belt and you stared at it in confusion. You had expected her to hit you with it. Maybe you were too harsh on your mother. “Go on, ten lashes.”

“You want me to-”

“Over your back. You’ll have to take your top of but self flagellation will work better than prayer. Don’t go easy either, if it don’t hurt it ain’t working.” She urged and you stared at her, bile crawling up your throat. “Come on now.”

“Momma, I didn’t do anything wrong.” You sobbed but she didn’t move, watching you with those cold eyes. “Momma.”

“Ten. I’ll count.”

///

“Dude, where the hell were you?” Ellie exclaimed when you took your seat next to her almost four days later. She wrapped an arm around your shoulders and you fought the hiss of pain, leaning into the comfort of her embrace.

You had suffered for this sin, you might as well commit it now.

“Got sick.” You explained and she let you go, looking you over. You knew how you looked. Your eyes were puffy and you were walking with a stiffness that came from being on your knees praying for almost three days straight.

“Damn, you look like hell.” She whispered and you couldn’t help the laugh. Hell was only the half of it. You had been through it all and back again in the last four days and you had made a decision.

You were choosing Ellie. No matter the pain or the punishment, you weren’t going to lose Ellie. You’d rather face an eternity of Hell in the afterlife than choose a moment without her in this one.

“I missed you.” You told her quietly and let your head rest on her shoulder. It pulled at your back but the comfort outweighed the pain you were feeling and so you didn’t move. “I missed you a lot.”

“I missed you too.” Ellie promised quietly, her head resting against yours. “And don’t be mad but Joel totally put his foot in it the other day. He asked you mom why you couldn’t sleep over. He didn’t know it was a secret.”

“Oh.” You tried to keep your voice steady. “She never said anything. Probably thought he had the wrong person.”

“Thats a relief. I didn’t want you to get in trouble over me.” Ellie sighed and the pair of you sat up when class began. Ellie kept her leg firmly against yours though and you were grateful for the comfort it offered.

When lunch came about Mrs Collins called your name and held you back while everyone else went to get food. You made you way up to her desk and she gave you a gentle smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” You promised her. Your mother had told everyone that you had been sick. You weren’t sure why it wasn’t a sin when she lied.

“Your mother told me you got a pretty nasty case of food poisoning?” Mrs Collins asked and you nodded, wondering was this another sin to pray for. “She also made a strange request.”

Your heart dropped and you looked back over your shoulder to where Ellie was waiting for you in the doorway, her back to you both. “Please don’t.”

“You want to tell me why she wouldn’t want you sitting by Ellie?” Mrs Collins asked and you shook your head, tears in your eyes. “If Ellie is hurting you or being mean to you then you can tell me.”

“No. She’s my best friend. Please don’t. I’m not allowed see her outside of school.” You explained in a rush, knowing you shouldn’t be sharing this much.

“Okay. It’s okay.” Mrs Collins insisted and you wiped at your face to dry the tears you didn’t mean to shed. “You and Ellie can stay beside each other. I’ll tell your mother I separated you both.”

///

“Only two weeks left.” You and Ellie were sixteen now, sitting with your backs against the school house. Well, Ellie was sitting back, you were a little more mindful of how the rough stone might hurt.

“What are we going to do then?” Ellie still didn’t understand the extent of your reasoning for why your mother couldn’t see you both being friends. She thought that you were old enough now to just make your own decisions.

“Well we could work together right? Your mom can’t stop that. You have to work in Jackson.” That much was true but you knew Ellie wanted to patrol just like Joel did. She had the urge to always be trying to save the world and you knew your mother wouldn’t allow it.

“You want to patrol. I’ll probably end up a waitress or in the greenhouses.” You sighed and ran a hand over your face. Ellie laughed a little and reached for your hand, tangling your fingers together and you paused, staring at them.

Ellie was turning steadily red but she didn’t let go, she tightened her grip and tugged so you’d turn to look at her. “I do want to patrol. But I want to spend time with you more. I can clean dishes or something if needs be.”

You stared at Ellie, your head tilted slightly as you studied her. She didn’t hide from you but she was blushing fully this time. You stared a second longer.

Oh.

“Ellie.” You sighed before laughing. She attempted to free her hand but you held on tighter. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“How?” She exclaimed and it seemed like she had been holding this in for a long time with how it burst out of her. “I know you’re like super religious and most religious people hate gay people and we’re best friends and I don’t want to lose you.”

“Ellie.” You laughed again before reaching out and clasping her face in your hands. You didn’t give her a second, pulling her in and kissing her firmly. “I would walk into hell gladly knowing that I’ve held heaven in my hands.*”

“Oh you’re so fucking gay.” Ellie laughed and kissed you again, her fingers tangling in your hair. Those words should’ve terrified you but you had come to terms with it years ago while you willingly took lashings for punishment. You knew you’d take any form of torture to get to this point.

“I can’t tell anyone. Not yet. My momma will find out but Ellie, I’ve got a plan.” You promised and she smiled, her hand moving from your hair to cup your cheek.

“I haven’t told Joel yet. It’s okay.” She promised, her forehead pressing to yours.

///

You’d had a plan. It had been a good plan. Your best plan yet. Your plan did not factor Ellie and her teeth into account. The small mark she had made, definitely an accident, had given you away. Your mother had always been more than suspicious of Ellie and it seemed that even though a small bruise could be from any number of things it only made sense that it was her when paired with swollen lips and a light in your eyes.

“No.” She held the belt out to you and for the first time you refused it, shaking your head and crossing your arms. Fire burned in your mothers eyes and her jaw clenched.

“You have sins you need to repent for. You’ll burn in hell.” She cautioned and you felt the tears finally fall from your eyes, your bravery slipping away.

“Momma I love her. I’ve been in love with her since before I knew what it was.” You sobbed and she looked even angrier if possible. “How can this be wrong?”

“No child of mine will embarrass me like this before God himself.” Your mother insisted and you lifted your hands in desperation. “I won’t stand for it.”

“What more can you do?” You asked her quietly, desperately. Your love for Ellie wasn’t a flaw and it couldn’t be a sin. You didn’t want to be fixed or cured or healed. Something that felt this pure couldn’t be anything other than a blessing.

“I told you. I won’t have it.” Your mother insisted and you stared at her, unable to understand her threat. “The Lord says suicide is a sin but surely he’d understand I just couldn’t be tainted by your sin.”

“Momma, don’t do that.” You couldn’t help your tears. “It’s not bad. It’s not!”

“It is and you know it. You wouldn’t have hidden it if you weren’t ashamed of your sin.” She told you and you choked back on your sobs. “You knew that you’d never be without sin but to go and do this. I knew since you were born that you were filled with sin but I didn’t think it was cause you were one of them!”

“Momma! You know I can’t change it. I can’t. I love her.” You were choking on the tears and she only shook her head. “You can’t do that, Momma. You can’t.”

“You want me to stay alive then you stop seeing her.”

///

“Hey Angel, you okay?” Ellie asked and you blinked at her before shaking your head.

“I can’t do this. I thought I could but I can’t.” Your back was raw from the amount of repenting you had required the evening before.

“Can’t do what?” Ellie asked, unsure.

“This. Us. I thought I could reconcile it but it’s not something I can allow myself to do.” You told her, tears already flowing down your cheeks.

“What? Allow yourself to what?” Ellie asked. “Be fucking happy?”

“I won’t be happy if I move out of my Momma’s. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving her there.” You told Ellie honestly. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise this before.”

“You can’t be serious.” Ellie stared at you, her face guarded like you were going to laugh and tell her it was a sick joke. “You are serious.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You wanted her to understand but she was too heroic. She would try help if she thought this wasn’t your decision.

“Yeah. So am I for not taking your fucking word for it the first day I met you. I should’ve sat with someone else.”

///

“Saw your girl started patrol today.” You looked up from the soapy water in the sink to where your mother was standing by the back door. You blinked at her, coming out of the daze you had been in. “That ain’t no job for a woman.”

She had been horrible the last few weeks. Telling you all about Ellie’s coming and goings when you refused to leave the house for anything other than work. Washing dishes down at the Bison. Everyone had to do their part, you hated doing yours.

It wasn’t a bad job per se. You could zone out and let muscle memory take over as you scrubbed the plates clean. No one talked to you much on account of your mother and it got you out of the house for a few hours every evening.

The problem was Ellie came to the diner every night with Dina and Jesse. She didn’t linger and you doubted that she even knew you were in the back. But you always found a second to pause when you heard her voice, as familiar to you as your own heartbeat.

“You never had anything to say when any other women go on patrol. Maria’s been doing it since the walls went up.” Your head jerked back with her grip on your hair and her hand pressed to the spot between your shoulder blades causing you to hiss.

“I didn’t ask for your sass.” She warned and you blinked back tears from the pain. “I think you oughta get to praying.”

“I got work, Momma.” You told her and she gripped your hair tighter. Her hand dug into your back, nails pressing deep.

“Better go get the belt then if you’re in such a hurry.” Your mother spat and released your hair. “Every time you talk like that I get reminded that you’re a child of the devil.”

You had a hard time believing that having the devil for a mother would be any different than the Momma you had.

///

It was years before you saw the signs. You had turned twenty one under your mothers watchful glare. She threatened harm on herself if you so much as came home late from work. You wondered why you cared so much that she remained unharmed when you hadn’t been able to lie on your back for years.

It all became clear one night when you followed the noise of her downstairs. She was standing in the kitchen, looking around in confusion. “Baby, what’re you doing up so late?”

She hadn’t called you Baby in years. Not since before you had met Ellie. She claimed that no baby of hers could be full of sin. “Just checking you’re okay, Momma.”

“I’m fine. Just a little lost.” She told you, an airy laugh on her lips. “I can’t find the bathroom.”

She was standing in a puddle.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Dealing with her was both harder and easier after your discovery. Maria let you stay home and care for her when you went to her and explained what was happening. There wasn’t exactly a nursing home you could send her to.

She began to pass through phases, a different version of your mother every time you talked to her. Sometimes you had your Momma back, a sweet woman who told you how pretty you’d grown to be. Sometimes you had your mother, the one who remembered Ellie.

Then one morning, the month you were turning twenty two, you had no mother. She had fallen asleep in her rocking chair and that was where you found her.

You sat with her for a long time. Just staring at her and wondered when it had gotten to the point that you stopped caring about her. Her death didn’t seem to have done anything besides giving you a sense of freedom you had only ever felt once before with Ellie’s lips on yours and her hands in your hair.

You found it within yourself to change her and wash her. She wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to do it. You laid her out in her own bed and then made your way down to the clinic to get a doctor to finally free you from her.

///

You had elected not to have a funeral service for your mother. You hadn’t even attended her burial yourself. No one had liked your mother, not even you. Maria had tried to sympathize with you but you hadn’t let her. She was the only one who tried.

You found yourself moving out of her house and into a small one bedroom cottage Maria had offered up. You returned to the Bison to wash dishes. You lived a boring life without prayers or belts or a constant ache on your scalp from having your hair pulled out by the root.

You could read books and leave the dishes overnight and play music that didn’t mention Jesus. Your back healed up but would forever be scarred but you knew without a doubt that your pain was at an end.

It had ended alongside her heartbeat and you knew for sure it was a bad thing to think but you no longer punished yourself for bad thoughts.

You no longer punished yourself.

///

A knock on the door gave you a pause and you looked up from your book to the living room window but you couldn’t see your front porch from the angle you were sat at. Just the pouring rain that had washed into Jackson a couple of days ago.

You pushed yourself up and answered the door, expecting Maria who came to check up on you monthly to make sure you hadn’t succumbed to madness while being so isolated.

It wasn’t Maria. It was Ellie.

She was soaked, rain water running down her hair and face into her clothes. You couldn’t say anything and chose instead to just stare at her as she left a puddle on your porch.

“Your mom died?” She asked and you marveled in how you had gone from speaking to her every day for almost four years to have gone longer without her words aimed at you.

“She did.” You answered slowly after a few minutes of just the rain for background noise. You continued to stare at her.

“I’m sorry.” You blinked, falling out of your trance at the condolences she offered. You folded your arms across your chest.

“What do you want Ellie?” You didn’t mean to sound harsh but you didn’t want her apologies. You wanted her to leave so you could get on with your quiet life.

“I want to know if she was the reason.” Ellie stopped pretending the second you did, grim determination on her face.

“We were kids, Ellie.” You sighed and she wiped the water off her face and clenched her jaw. “You can’t be still thinking about it.”

“Still thinking about it?” She exclaimed. “I ain’t stopped thinking about you. I’ve spent the last six years wondering if your mom wasn’t around would we be together.”

“Ellie.” You sighed heavily, stepping back from the doorway. She looked panicked for a second and you opened the door wider. “Come in before you catch your death.”

///

You got Ellie clothes to change into and a towel to dry herself off. When she returned to your living room she was wrapped in your clothes, toweling her hair dry. You had lit the small fire in your living room and now you were standing by the window, watching the rain.

“I didn’t know she had died.” Ellie spoke quietly and you looked up at her, releasing a sigh. You took a seat on your sofa, inviting Ellie to sit next to you. “Maria mentioned it in passing while we were at dinner. I came straight over here.”

“She had dementia or Alzheimer’s. One of those. It was bound to happen.” You explained to her and she nodded slowly.

“I know you really loved her.” Ellie sighed and you turned your head to look at her.

“I didn’t. Not really. I had a really tough life with her.” You explained to Ellie and she nodded like she had always known that. She didn’t get to nod like that. She didn’t know the half of it. “I think she had her sickness my whole life. She was batshit insane.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Ellie asked and you shrugged. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t been able to tell anyone. Mostly, you reasoned, you hadn’t known she was sick. How could you tell Ellie that you thought you were the problem? That you were so full of sin even your own mother couldn’t love you?

“It was my problem to deal with.” You told her honestly. “What are you really doing here?”

“To see if your okey. To see if there’s a chance we got it wrong at sixteen.” Ellie turned to face you, drawing her knees up to her chest. You couldn’t look at her.

“We?” You asked, picking at your nail beds and ignoring how close she was, how your body lit up in response.

“Yeah. We. You for calling it all off and me for letting you walk away.” You turned to look at her, incredulous. “I shouldn’t have given up.”

“That’s exactly what you should’ve done. Anything else would’ve made it so much worse.” You told her, pinching the bridge of your nose to ward off the headache you could feel coming.

“I could’ve helped!” Ellie insisted. “I could’ve given you the support you needed.”

“You couldn’t have made me straight!” You yelled, standing up from the sofa. You paced back to the window, staring out at the rain. “I needed to not be like this. You couldn’t have fixed that. She hated me.”

“She was your mother.” Ellie argued and you scoffed, fighting the urge to turn and look at her. “She had to have loved you.”

“She told me she’d kill herself if I went back to you.” You turned then, wanting to see the look in her eyes. The look of disgust because you gave in, you let her control you. But Ellie didn’t look disgusted, she looked horrified. “I came home one evening with swollen lips and this tiny mark on my jaw and she knew what we’d been doing. She told me that if I kept talking about loving you that she’d kill herself to not be stained by my sin.”

“She was sick. She didn’t know what she was-” your hand went to the hem of your T-shirt, pulling it up so that she could see your back. The criss cross of scars that overlapped. Years of torture and abuse. All of it culminating in this. “Angel.”

Ellie breathed that old nickname and you dropped your shirt but she caught it, having moved closer without your knowing. Her fingers ghosted over your skin and her breath came out shaky.

“When did this start?” Ellie asked and you laughed bitterly. “This isn’t a fucking joke. When did it start?”

“The day Joel asked for a sleepover. I told you she couldn’t know. I guess you just didn’t understand why.” She let your shirt drop and you turned around to find yourself face to face with her. “She told me that I was damned at five years of age. She used to make me pray in the dark for hours at a time. When I was twelve she made me hurt myself to repent for the sin of loving you. I never could. I repented for not being sorry instead.”

“I could’ve helped. I could’ve gotten you out.” Ellie sighed, her hand coming up to your cheek. You leaned into her and closed your eyes against the emotions that were welling up. “I could’ve fucking killed her for you.”

“I would’ve taken you up on that. Isn’t the awful?” You asked her but she shook her head, wrapping her arms around you. “I was so relieved when she died.”

“Guess I don’t have to feel bad for feeling the same way. I always knew it was her. Cause this, what’s going on with us, we might’ve been kids but I know what I felt, Angel. This was the real deal.” Ellie whispered against your neck and then you let it happen. You let the tears fall. You held her tightly and you sobbed for everything you could’ve had for the last six years.

///

You were sitting on the sofa, curled up against Ellie’s chest. Her hands softly stroked your hair and you were struck silent by the parallel of your mother doing the exact opposite, hurting you so violently.

“So you gonna cut me loose or keep me this time?” Ellie asked quietly. You looked up at her and without speaking cupped her cheek in your hand and pulled her down to your level. You pressed a sweet kiss to her lips and she smiled. “Not afraid of Hell any more?”

“If loving you leads me to hell then I’ll sit at the table with all the others who gave up the idea of an eternity of heaven for a short time with the true meaning of paradise.”

*Lyra Wren on tiktok

#ellie williams x afab reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams tlou #tlou ellie #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x you #the last of us #tlou

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lunaekalenda · 2 years ago

Text

first day of school!

warnings: reader is refered as mom and gojo as dad, dad!gojo, baby daughter!

"Give dad a kiss before leaving." Your husband kneels, making his 1'90 meters accessible for your toddler, who presses a kiss on his dad's cheek with a huge smile. When Satoru asked for the kiss, his eyes were full of love and pride towards the little girl, as they keep shining when he looks back at her. He kisses her temple softly, as he has been doing since she came to your life. "I love you, sunshine. I want all the details of your first day at school when you're back!" She nods quickly before running towards you, hugging your legs. You caress her hair with softness, fingers taking the locks she already took away of the bun to fix them. "You're gonna love the school, I'm sure. Make a lot of friends, yeah?" Your daughter looks at you from her small height. Kneeling softly, you kiss her cheek and she hugs you in return. "Dad and me will come to pick you up later, alright? We'll go have dinner at your favorite place with Megumi." The girl's big blue eyes shine with happiness as she nods, before the bus monitor asks all the kids to sit inside. Almost crying and hugged by your husband, you wave your hand towards your daughter, so little yet so grown, before letting her go. Satoru sighs and starts walking with you towards home. He hands you a tissue, walking at a slow pace towards your home.

"She was so little..." you murmur. He nods softly, his hand searching yours before tangling his fingers with yours. "Feels as if it was yesterday when she would show up in diapers on our bed to get cuddles from her dad." Satoru smiles luminously, as his dad ego gets boosted with your words. Your daughter loves him beyond anything, she's such a daddy girl, and he loves her as much. It's common for you to find both of them spending time together, and even when you join almost every time, there are still those tiny moments you adore finding, such as a sleepy baby on top of your husband, as he reads a book and caresses her back to keep her calm, or how he always puts her on his shoulders so she's able to see everything from his height.

"Will she be alright?" You find yourself wandering in silence what your husband just put in high voice. Will she be alright? Will she miss home as much as you miss her? Will she cry, will she feel overwhelmed by school? Will she adapt to the teachers, to her classmates? She's your very first child, and it's normal to feel that way about it. You smile at Satoru, finding his blue eyes looking worried at the floor, before facing him.

"She'll be alright. She's the strongest, after all." Your husband lets a smile brighten his face as he takes your cheeks on his hands, getting close for a kiss.

At home, you both take the time to clean, tidy up and do the chores, before it's time to wait for your daughter again. You put her drawings in order on the fridge, making room for more, and put her favorite plushies back on her bed. Her fluffy white cat feels raspy under your hands, too used over the years. You need to put her to wash urgently. Satoru got that kitty for her on one of his long trips with the Jujutsu School, one of those days when you feared your husband wouldn't come back home, although he always does, before Megumi took his place as teacher and sorcerer, taking most of the missions, what still leaves both of you on sleepless nights.

The drawings fill also her walls, draws of your family, the dogs, drawings of her, of Megumi, of Yuji and Nobara by her side. She loves them a lot, and you're happy to see how the three young pupils of your husband merge so well on your little family, making friday nights way more fun and happy. Her shelves are full of books and gifts she got from everyone, a cow figure Nanami bought for her when she was two, a fairy house Megumi helped her to build on her third Christmas, a pair of sunglasses matching with his dad. She's so loved by everyone that you feel like your heart might explode.

And him.

The man that looks at you from the corridor door with a side smile, body resting against the wooden surface as his intense blue eyes follow your movements on her room. He takes a couple steps in, touching the girl's bed with his fingertips. "The crib was here." He murmurs, smiling lovingly. "We spent so many sleepless nights by her side, we always ended sleeping cuddled on that brown couch Geto bought for us. Always alert in case she cried. And now, she asks us to read her a tale and sleeps soundly all night on her bed." He looks at you from all his height before sitting on her bed. You take a seat by his side and he kisses your forehead lovingly.

"Believe it or not, I kinda miss that. Watch our tiny baby sleep, feel as if all tiredness disappeared as soon as she called us for the first time." Satoru puts his arms around your shoulders. His grin tells you he's gonna say something.

"Well, you know, if we both liked the experience that much, we can always repeat." you laugh against his body before tangling your hand on his. He kisses it sweetly.

"Let's experience her growing up before, should we?"

He leaves another kiss on your forehead before standing up. Satoru takes your hand and the car keys, since the restaurant it's quite far from the bus stop to go walking, especially, since your daughter will probably be tired after the very first day, before leaving.

When you arrive to the stop, where more parents are waiting for the kids, Satoru holds your hand firmly, checking both sides of the street, to see if he can spot the bus, and his blue eyes shine with emotion when he sees the vehicle. Your daughter runs towards you, your arms and your husband's open for her to hug. Her smile warms your heart as your family hug makes you sigh.

"How was school, sunshine?" Satoru asks, and your daughter smiles excited.

"It was fun! There are a lot of kids in my class!" You smile when you hear her words, before standing up. Satoru cleans a tear that falls down your cheek slowly before taking your daughter's hand on his, and you do the same on the other side, walking towards the car hand by hand. Your husband sits her and puts her belt on, before sitting on the driver's seat and, with your hand between his and the gear level, he starts driving softly towards the restaurant, as your daughter's happy memories of the day fill the car on her sweet voice.

#jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #gojo fluff #dad!gojo #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #gojou satoru x you #gojou satoru x reader #dad!satoru #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk imagines

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natanielkovack · 4 months ago

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I love to tell you stories but I can't remember how they end!

Tenya Iida x ADHD! Reader

You've been dating Tenya for a while, but even before that he had noticed the way you struggle to pay attention, stay still, concentrate, study and how you get sudden waves of energy throughout the day, ending tired and even grumpy!

When you opened to him and told him how you have ADHD his mind clicked, understanding most of your actions!

‌Tenya would be so understanding. The moment you tell him about your problems concentrating, the way your brain sends random waves of energy over just to end up tired and how it impacts your everyday life he is quick to learn as much as he can about it, asking people around him if they have similar experiences and how they regulate themselves (Denki is his principal source aside from you).

You take medications?

‌If you take medication, he would made sure to draw you a schedule for them, adding water intake and multiple breaks for you to be properly active throughout the day. He would totally do it in black and white for you to paint it! He heard that it can help you memorize it!

Troubles eating?

‌He would check the food you eat, making sure the levels of sugar are not too high, to evade artificial food, too processed, if they have dangerous food colorings, chemicals, etc. You name it, he already checked! He would only force you to eat things if they're healthy and you are extra picky, disguising them with spices and more!

Chores? Boring!

‌He would treat chores as games! Setting timers to receive stickers and such. He read about it online and does it with Denki too, making chores far more fun to finish and maintaining everything in order.

Studying with Tenya

‌Study dates would be in calm spaces with little to no distractions, fringing fidget toys to keep you stimulated and low sugar snacks to not get distracted my hunger. Small breaks in between assignments are a must and he knows it! Giving you a shoulder pat or a kiss (depending to how private the space is) as a reward for how good you're doing. He's rigid, but who is he to deny a little kiss in return for your intelligence?

Zoomies!

‌Oh no, zoomies time! You suddenly want to dance? Go outside? Run? The beach? The park? He's up for it! Using those moments to help you workout. You want to dance? Aerobics it is. Go outside? Hiking seems perfect to build strength! Run? You know he's up for it. The beach? Some laps on the sand to build resistance! Park? You'll be climbing trees and jumping! He knows how to make everything healthy.

Hobbies? Handcrafting

‌If you suddenly want to do handcrafted things he's willing to test you! Building things out of wood, let's test how you put crafting and building classes to work, you have to measure and cut precisely after all. Building with Legos is a big activity for him! He makes sure to put physics to the test, building giant places with you, bridges, houses, towers and more! This sweet boy gives the healthiest activities always.

Post-zoomies tiredness

‌He knows how tired you get after those moments of full energy and he has ways to help calm down during those, but he won't mind hugging you and cuddling to sleep afterwards, you get so tired! He'll encourage afternoon naps, his investigations led to realize that allowing you 20 minutes of sleep afterwards you wake up renewed so he makes sure you fall asleep and tracks your sleep for any sort of weird movements (he knows how anxious you can get too and is sure to wake you up and comfort you).

‌He'll make sure you have something to eat as soon as you wake up, yogurt with fruits are his go to! But granola bars and cookies or crackers work too if they're low in sugar. He'll have you working after that!

Hiperfixations!

‌You've got hiperfixations? Don't even worry about it, he'll encourage you to explore them safely and make sure that you won't do something bad such as isolate yourself just to indulge in it or spend huge amounts of money, they don't last enough and you always end up thinking "what have I done?" So he scolds you if you suddenly have a wall full with certain hiperfixation that is based in buying things, economical responsibility will be teached to you whether you like it or not.

Meltdowns? Breakdowns?

He understands when you get overwhelmed, there's so much going in your head at the same time that he can't even reprimand you for crying and suddenly getting angry at everyone. He'll try and get you to calm down in his arms, if it's needed he'll give you a calming tea or some light sleeping pills. As soon as your eyes get teary or your voice raises in that particular way, he holds your hand and takes you to a more private space, allowing you to let everything out and wind down, not an ounce of judging. At first it was overwhelming for him to try and calm you down with logic, now he understands that emotions are mostly not logical. He'll whisper sweet words and reassurance while you slowly calm down, he won't even judge you if you subconsciously regress when you're having a meltdown, he knows you seek the comfort of a home when you're crying or angry with the world and your self, caressing your back and calling you his little baby.

He'll bring you something warm to drink, a stuffed animal of your choice or a warm weighted blanket to ground you, he'll drop anything he's doing to comfort you during a breakdown.

Non-verbal or silent treatment?

He understands if you can't talk afterwards or simply don't want to, such strong emotions much leave you so tired that it's hard to communicate. If you go non-verbal he'll find ways to still communicate, even teaching himself and you simple sign language or reading your expressions to keep you comfortable and give you a way to communicate yourself without words.

If you do use silent treatment he'll feel hurt, why would you just ignore him like that? The first few times he'll excuse you but then he'll sit you down and talk about how much your silence hurts him, how you do not even looking at him. Both of you will find ways to bring you out of that state, slowly helping you stop that bad habit.

A/N: This is based off my own experience and my struggles as someone with ADHD, remember that it changes and variates between people! I tried to make these as inclusive as I could and not too based in just me, you're free to add anything in the comments!!

Hi! Natan here ; wanna read more about Tenya Iida? Check out my master list.

#mha headcanons #mha tenya #mha x reader #tenya iida #bnha tenya #bnha x reader #mha iida #adhd #tenya x reader #iida tenya x reader #tenya iida headcanon

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narcissarina · 8 months ago

Text

•Lost, Acceptance, and Love again•

Before reading, please take note that:

This is a work of fiction, events that have happened here are entirely fictional and it's all in the authors imagination.

You may or may not agree with what the characters say since it's only for the sake of the plot to continue the story.

May or may not contain spoilers from the actual Silent Hill 2 remake game.

The author would like to apologize for her shit ass writing because she's rusty as hell.

Words used: 17,965

This story contains, slow burn, single mother reader, grieving James, trauma and smut.

Please beware that this may be ass, but the author had to post and edit this at 4:08 in the morning in her country. (Save yourself pls)

The author hasn't finished the game, and may have flaws while she researches something on the internet rather than playing the game itself (waiting for her fav ytuber to upload)

Tumblr is being ass for the 10 picture limit that the author couldn't use her Lost, Acceptance, and Love again divider. So please bear with the ~~~~~ lmao.

Lost, Acceptance and Love again...

It was morning, the sunlight creeps in and the cheers of your kids blessed your ears—their little feet carried themselves and pushed the door of your room open, “mommy, mommy!” They said, helping one another to set foot in your bed and tackle you.

You smiled at their tactics, finally opening your eyes as you were greeted with the biggest smile you ever witness. The four of them steps on your bed, Veronica on your lap, Kenan clings to your arm and Junior messing your hair. Since they’re only two years old, they are loud and more energetic than you are.

“Alright, alright.” You sat up and tried to get Junior’s hand off of your hair, untangling his super grip and tried to find their other brother: Leo. Leo seems busy watching what the others are doing, “you four go play in the living room, mommy has to make her bed and make you devils some breakfast, okay?” You said, putting Veronica down the ground as Kenan and Junior followed, then Leo.

“Mommy, somwone move in next dwor.” Leo informed you, “and where did you heard that, baby Leo?” you asked, standing up to stretch your arms and legs—throwing question at Leo, “the other neighbwors, mommy.” Pouts Leo.

After making you bed, you told them to run along the living room while you make them breakfast but since you’re now informed that someone moved in next door, you thought about giving the new neighbor some warm welcoming like how you first moved in. Gifts and homemade foods is what greeted you on the first day, you wanted to welcome the new neighbor just the same.

Someone deserve to feel welcome, right?

Setting down your utensils, facing your kids, “you kids want to help me make something to give next door?” silence as the four little blonde kids looks at one another as they nod to agree to assist you.

“What do you kids want to give to our new neighbor?” You asked, rummaging through your kitchens top drawer snd the pantry closet, “cookies!” suggest Veronica, “muffins?” said Kenan in a timid, shy tone, “Can I eat wone?” asked Junior, his mind drooling about eating cookies and muffins.

You smiled at them with a nod, “cookies and muffin then.”

The four little blonde kids helped you knead the cookie dough, this also helps them find entertainment for cooking—one of the fun activities that they never knew they’d enjoy, after making a mess on the table, with the flour and chocolate chips spread through the table.

Letting them experience to clean and help you with basic house chores while waiting for the cookies and muffin to bake.

Sitting with the kids in the living room, they’re drawing on their papers, Leo is taking a nap on your lap while the others draw. “Ms. Lay fwom next door says that the new guy nexts dwor is a bit gwumpy looking, but I think he’s just sad.” What Junior said struck you, the new guy next door is… sad? Why is that your kids say that the man was sad?

You thought, maybe having a little chat with him and try to befriend him would make a difference. Maybe he’s lonely or could use a friend, it’s totally all right to rely on someone when they needed it most, right?

You asked yourself, losing yourself in thought as Kenan bit your knees to snap you out of it, “Ow—” you wince, almost kicking your knee up as Kenan backs away, “cookie and muffin owlready done mowm.” He pats and continues to draw with Veronica and Junior as you settle down Leo to nap on the couch.

Thinking back again as you took two trays out of the oven, you can’t help but wonder what must that guy be going through, why he moved alone next door. You sigh and took each one of the cookies and muffin out of the tray, calling your kids to let them decorate it to whatever they pleases.

Junior put a blue icing and put don’t be sad, have a muffin.

While Veronica draw hearts and flowers, Leo on the other hand just put a frown and smile together. Kenan just wants it to be a simple swirl.

They help pick a box to put in to give it to the man next door, a pink with white stripes box as you neatly put a ribbon around it, then taking a box out to give the man a few cookies to enjoy while the rest are for yours and the kids to enjoy.

You smiled at the masterpiece that your kids made, and of course, an A for your effort too.

“Let’s hope that he likes it.” You smiled at the four eating their own muffin, stuffing their face with icing.

Still wearing your apron on, kids were on your side. Veronica holding the muffin box with both of her hands, smiling from ear to ear as if she’s delighted to share the masterpiece that she and her brothers made, Kenan clings to your pants while Leo walks in front of you. You rang the door bell and looks down at Leo—who’s expression is uninterested to be here right now and holding the box filled with cookies.

It took a few minutes and two doorbells before the man opens the door, before you, you saw a tall dark blonde man with tired eyes in a slightly ajar door. Is he not sleeping well? It’s quite worrying to see him at such a state, but Veronica’s voice filled the silence with her usual loud and cheery voice, “HELLO!” she beams, startling the man, “me, my mowmi and my bwothers made these for chu!” She started walking towards him, taking his hand and giving the box to him.

Leo goes up next, didn’t say anything and shoves the box to the mans knee—making him kneel down to pick up the box, “Leo!” You called out with a slight frown, “I-I’m so sorry for my son, sir.” You flash him with a soft smile, “we were informed you had just moved in, we thought we might give you something to welcome you.” You added, Veronica is clapping with a giggle while Kenan on the other hand, is hiding from the man.

“No, no, it’s okay.” Grunts the dark blonde man, taking box filled with cookies in his hands and set it to the nearby table in his home, you told him your name while he told his, “I’m James…” he said, “James Sunderland.”

You nod, looking down at Junior that’s in front of you, “mister awre you high?” asked Junior, your eyes wide and knelt down quickly to cover Juniors mouth, “I am SO sorry.” You apologize for your kids behavior, earning a small chuckle from James, “just kidding, mommy.” Junior giggled at his own words, “Junior that’s not nice.” You tut and got to your feet again.

The kid walks towards James and pushed the door to open more, giving the man a hug to his knees, “don’t be sad, miwster.” Junior tries comforting the man, looking at James with his baby blue eyes, “just eat a mufwin.” He grins and quickly got back to you. James eyed your kids one by one, nodding at Juniors words, “I will, kid.” James smiled, his day a bit better because of your little devils.

You had a long and friendly conversation with James, the kids asking him questions and urging him to take a bite of what they made, asking him who’s muffin is better—giving James the pressure of answering the so called ‘winner’.

Finally got back inside, your kids bursting with energy and zoomies around the living room. They’re playing tag while you watch them play and turn on your television to watch something, turning channels to see if there’s something interesting to watch but since there’s none, you just read a book while Leo decided to take a nap on top of you while you read.

James smiled today, amused by the kids and made his day a little better. You smiled to yourself and look back at your children, they sure are a bundle of joy—bringing a smile to someone’s face with their unique personality and odd choice of words talking to a stranger… that now strangely turned into a friend.

You are thankful that you have them to bring joy to someone’s day… even if it’s just for today.

It’s now nighttime, you look to the window and see that James never set foot outside for once today, he might have something a lot to worry in his mind. The bags under his eyes… You’re worried, but not to worry! You have set a goal to yourself that you’ll break down James’ walls little by little until he shares his worries with you. That he’ll see that he’s not alone, that he’s free to share his burden with you.

You asked your kids to take a bath (you dried them one by one with a towel of course), brush their teeth and waste their energy to their last playtime for today and set off to bed.

Tucking Veronica first in her own separate room from the boys, she giggles as you kissed her forehead. Pulling the blanket up to her neck and setting Mr. Bunny to her side.

The boys are chatting and Junior being the clown to their group is making a joke to make them laugh, “okay, boys. Off to bed now.” You smiled, leaning against the doorframe then walking to their beds as they scatter to their own.

Tucking Kenan and Leo in their own, giving them a goodnight kiss on their forehead, setting their comfort animal stuff toys to their side. You also tucked in Junior last, he’s sitting on his bed, smoothing out his blanket with a smile then finally lying down.

“Mowmmy,” he called, “yes, baby?”

“I wayk James.” He stated with a giggle, “why is that?” you asked, interested that he had taken a liking to James, “he seems to be a nice guy.” You nodded, agreeing to him.

“He is.”

“But chi seems sad and lonely..” Juniors tone became hush and blue, he shoot you a pity look, “c-can we bwe chis fwend?”

His question stunned you a little, but seeing that James seems to be feeling blue and lonely, why not try right? You nodded and kisses Juniors forehead goodnight, “we’ll try, baby. Let’s invite him to every plans we have. Ease his mind a bit yeah?” you smiled at him.

Junior yawned and leans towards you touch, “I like that vewi much, mowmmy,” he yawns mid sentence, “I wuv you vewi much…”

Your heart swells with so much love, adding more fuel to your determination and make James be part of the family so he would never be alone. Not when they’re here with him.

“Mr. Sunderland?” knocking on his door then ringing his doorbell, calling him out while your kids were chatting among themselves, you waited for James to come out.

“Mr. Sun—” the door open, you almost hit James by the chest when you’re suppose to knock, “yeah?” he responded to your call, eyes still tired as ever then he pinch the bridge of his nose—finally looking down at your kids that’s dressed up. For what? A party or play?

His mouth open, but couldn’t pin point the words he wanted to say, “is—is everything all right?” he asked, looking down at Veronica who’s giggling at James, “yes, everything is fine. About yesterday, uhm…” taking a sharp breath, you gather your courage to invite him out, “you see, my kids had taking a liking to you and—”

“No, I dwon’t” pouts Leo.

You shush Leo and gave him the stare, “that’s not nice.” You quickly warned Leo, “bwut I like James.” Said Junior with a smile and Veronica steps up to James giving him a big hug to his knee, “wiw you pwease come with chas mister?” Veronica asked with a pleading tone, not letting go of James because well… she doesn’t take a no for an answer.

Waiting for his response, James kneels down to Veronica’s level and pats her head, “I can’t.” he said, trying to untangle her grip to his leg, “whys?” She asked with a pout, not letting go of James, “I uhm…” he cough and start looking around his house, “a bit busy.”

“wayer.”

He sigh and smiled, “I’m… not.” He pauses and took his gaze off Veronica’s pleading look, puppy eyes and all. “Pwease?” plead Veronica, stomping her little legs, “pwease, pwease, pwease.” She repeatedly plead, hugging James’ leg tightly.

Taking Veronica off of him and cradling her in your arms, you just faintly smiled at James’ polite refusal, “it’s okay, Mr. Sunderland,” you said, patting your daughters back as you two could hear her sob. You pamper her with kisses on her cheek to cheer her up, but she hugged you tightly around your neck and silently sob.

“We’ll just go,” taking Leo’s hand, taking Leo away because he’s giving James the glare. Junior waved his hand bye-bye and took Kenan with him.

Seeing the tears that the girl shed, it made him feel bad—a guilty feeling that he hates to feel because he refused a little girls request, “wait!” he yelled, stopping the five of you in your tracks, “w-wait… I’ll just get uh… ready.” He awkwardly stated and shut the door first, probably going to have a quick wash to his face.

You could hear him tripping inside his own home and almost loud banging in there, is he all right? You asked yourself, then turn to the crying Veronica, “look, baby. He’s now coming with us.” You coo her, bouncing her on your arms as Veronica smiled and nodded, wiping her tears with her little hands.

His door open and locked it, walking down to his porch steps and pocketing his keys. First time seeing him in the light as he walks over to you, he sigh—knowing that he accepted defeat when he witness Veronica cry.

“All right…” he sigh, “where to?”

“Up.. up..” Veronica lift her arms and tried to get to James to carry her, “all right.” Accepting her request, he cradle her in his arms then felt like the heavy stare faded from him, Leo was glaring at him but not anymore—now that he sees his sister content and happy being carried by James.

“Just the playground.”

Arriving at the park, the kids dashes off to either the swing or slides, you sit beside James on the bench and watch over them. “So.” You start, glancing over him while he’s leaning forward.

“any kids?” you question, he slowly shakes his head, “no.”

Awkward…

You start again while watching the kids from the distance, Veronica pushing Kenan on the swing while Leo helped Junior to slide down the slides, “any particular reason why you moved in to town?” you asked, there was an silence that gap between you. As if, James’ is reflecting on to his own thoughts.

“Well, it’s—… it’s not that it’s wrong to move in.” you almost eat and stutter your words, pursing your lips and looking down to your knees. He’s refusing to answer doesn’t he? Better not push it, maybe it’s quite personal to him.

You heard a tuning song from the distance, oh look. An ice cream truck! Better buy some to make him and the kids better.

Standing up from your seat and taking your purse, target locked to the truck from the street as James’ mutter in his breath, “just… to run away from something.” He said. You catch what he said and nodded, brows furrowing to what? Pity or worry?

“watch the kids for me, can you?” asking a small favor for him, he nods and lean back to his seat, taking a closer eye on four of your kids while you run along with your heels clicking and across the street buying ice cream.

James’ eyed on Veronica closely… There seems to be a stranger talking and coming closer to her, giving her what? Candy? His eyes squinted and stood up from his seat, walking closer to your daughter. He could hear what they’re saying, “oh you want more candy?” the stranger asked.

“ches, more pwease.” Veronica demanded, gesturing on her hand to give her more, “excuse me?” James’ voice cuts their little idle chat, making the stranger flinch and look at the man before him, he leans down to Veronica (who is licking her candy) tapping her shoulder and nod to the stranger before her, “you know this person, sweetheart?” James asked, she chin up to meet James’ gaze—she shakes her head to a no, not knowing who might this stranger be.

The unknown person stood up and backed away, “so.” James warned as he stood and took Veronica in his arms, cradling her. “It’s either you scram or I’ll take you out myself.” His voice might be calm and collected, but it hints a warning and threat.

The unknown person backs away and out the park that’s filled with children, James’ decided to warn the parents that’s present on the park—warning about the guy who is suspicious and could possibly kidnap the children out of sight.

James took the children to the bench and waited for your return.

When you came back, plastic bag on your wrist filled with cup ice creams and two big ice cones for you and James’—witnessing them look gloomy sitting on the bench while Veronica is happily chewing on her candy.

“I’m back, what happened?” you asked, walking in front ofhim and giving James his cone, then gave the four children their own small cupped ice creams, “someone tried to bribe your daughter with candies.” He looks at his own cone and took a big bite on top, “he looks suspicious so I warned the other parents that are present.” He added, looking worried as she snap your gaze to Veronica.

“Baby, what did I told you when strangers that looks sketchy offered you candy huh?” your voice firm but with worry.

“Bwut mowmmy, I intwend to take a few then rwun away. It’s buswiness.” Proud and smug as Veronica gesture a ‘pay me’ gesture, letting out a scoff and put your free hand to your face as you gaze back to James’ “thank you so much, James. I don’t know what could’ve happened to her without you watching.” You let out a huge sigh and looks down at Veronica, “you do understand that I’ll give a good scolding for later, right Nica?”

Veronica pouted but made no objections but instead, nodded—she knee that she made you worried and got in a little bit of struggle, since she didn’t want to left out her three brothers by not having a candy, she took the risk in mind.

You couldn’t believe that one of your kids already made some trouble for James, you sat down with them and you glance at James’ ice cream cone… It’s already gone? Huh?

Eyes wide that James already ate his at a split second, he looks at you with those same tired green eyes, “what?” he asked, “n.. no-no no, it’s nothing.” Licking your own cone and minding your own business, eating ice cream a little too quiet.

“you might want to have your daughter check, you know… incase that the candy was drugged.” Almost choking on your own cone, coughing and hitting your chest—your face went pale as the thought of the possibility that the candy might be drugged is your worst nightmare.

Your turn your head to Veronica and asked her, “baby, do you feel weird or sleepy?” Veronica shook her head, still eating her ice cream cup, “we’ll go to the hospital first before we go to you and your brothers favorite diner, all right?” you let out a small chuckle and took the kids empty ice cream cup to the trash.

You nod your head to James’ with a smile, “Lets go.”

“I’m still invited?” he asked, getting up to his feet.

“Of course, plus. I think you’d do that for the kids right?” you said with a grin, Veronica with pleading eyes as she now demands to be picked up.

“to the hospital?”

“to the hospital.” You nod.

“Well, the test result came quick and good news.” Says the doctor as he smiled and pats Veronicas head, “there are no drugs from your daughters system, miss.” The doctor added and gave Veronica candy—which Veronica is reluctant to take, asking you for silent permission using her eyes.

You smiled and kisses her head, “you can take the doctors candy, sweetie.” The doctor let out a chuckle at the cuteness and cautious Veronica, “it’s all right, you can trust me.” Said the doctor with a proud tone, “you know, I have a daughter that has the same name as you.” He winks playfully and left the room.

“Do you hear that baby? It means your name is special.” You coo as she devours the candy, Leo is sleepy on the other hand and had been itching to go home, “so I suppose we’re going to a diner next?” James asked, raising a brow—seeing that Leo is nodding off, he picked Leo up to his arms and cradle him, letting him nap to his shoulder.

Nodding to his words, finally leaving the hospital as the sun is almost setting and entering the diner. Taking your seats as Leo is still gripping on to James’ shoulder, not wanting to let go and disturb his nap.

“What would you like to have?” you asked, flipping over to the menu’s.

“Anything that you’re going to order.” Answered James as he tried to gently tug off Leo and reposition him to a comfortable position to nap.

You nod to his words and after a while, finally calling a waiter to order. Well, you ordered a few stuff that what you think he might like and your kid’s favorite, “you can wake him up when the food is here.” You told James, smiling from ear to ear from the sight and knowing Leo? He gets grumpy and loud when he gets his nap disturbed, you might want to consider working on your kid with that one.

“he gets better when the food is here.” You added with a smile to James, Veronica patting on his shoulder and leans in, trying to engage a friendly conversation with him with her own curiosity to James.

Time passed and when the food arrived, James almost got his hand chewed by Leo for waking him up, but since the food arrived—the boys demeanor changed and turned slightly happy that he gets to eat his dinner now. The dark blonde man was thankful that he didn’t woke the little man up before the food arrive or else he’ll get teeth marks on his hands.

Exchanging friendly chat and opinion on several things with him is fun, having a few deep talks with James is something you never expected.

“do you think that when a person die, they’ll wake up again in their next life?”

“What do you think ones purpose in life when they were brought to this world?”

You threw various question to James and he didn’t refuse to share his own thought and feelings, even some cultural reference, happy to say that… James is the man you never thought would be your friend that you could talk things like this about.

The kids were so confused and worried about each and every answer and question, Veronica throwing you a look to stop asking James about something like Life and Death.

Well, there are a few things James learned; one is that your family is fun to hang around, two is that his burdens were shared even for a little bit and that he feels safe and secure to be having those kind of conversation with you. And three, the kids made him smile as if he couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy…

It had soon became dark, the kids knew they had to go home now and that they’ll be separated from James for today… But knowing a kid, they get attached a little too quickly when they had taken a liking to someone, James just happened to be a lovable man to them. He makes them feel safe and laugh, even though he, himself is a little miserable in life.

He just lost someone…

He’s afraid…

To what?

To get attached and lose that person again…

“Mary…” he mutter.

“Did you say something?” you asked, snapping him back to reality and see that he’s already back home, well—at your home to be precise, he probably daydream along the way and never noticed that he accepted your invite to stay inside your home for a while.

You saw that he’s at it again, after drying the dishes with clean cloth, you sat down beside him on the couch—your hand on his shoulder as you lean to see his face, “hey…” you called, tilting your head to the side, “you don’t look fine, mind sharing what’s on your mind?” you asked, soothing his back in case he needed it.

Hearing a sigh from him, he leans back (which you quickly took your hand off because it’ll get squish by his back), “i-it,’s nothing… just…” he paused, “just.. thinking about my wife.” He murmur, brows furrow and his feeling sink into longing and regret.

Your eyes wide at the news of hearing that he has a wife, “oh, really?” you gasp, not reading him quite well, “you have a wife? Where is she then? I would love to make friends with her.” You chuckle but stop, the look on his face is what would you see in a grieving person.

You stop and scoots to him closer, patting his hand, “what.. what happened to her?” you asked, seeing a nice guy that’s depress like James hurts you… You hate the look on his face when he had done so much for you and you, well, couldn’t do much for him.

Just company and talks.

James already thinks that just hearing you laugh, talk, or even coo your children and bring him company is already enough for him.

“Mary?” he uttered his wife’s name to you, “is Mary her name?” you smiled, “you know, people who tends to have a name Mary is usually the most nicest and beautiful people you’d ever met.” You told him, maybe it’ll cheer him better and… it did.

He lets out a soft chuckle and nodded, agreeing with you, “yeah… Mary is kind, beautiful and the most sweetest woman I have ever met…” he opens up, you listen intently—not wanting to break this moment for him, “she likes to play the piano, though she claims that she’s not very good at it. I’ve always love to hear her play again.”

You smiled at his words and nodded, “well, where is she now?” you asked, his smile slowly fading—regret and longing kicking in, “Mary’s dead.” He said.

As if your breath had caught to your throat, words won’t come out as your heart drops from the news—sharing the same mournful feeling with him and soothing him by his shoulder, “do you know the cause of her death?” you asked.

James sigh and rest his elbows to his knees, covering and wiping his face with both of his hands, “she was sick, the doctors told us that she only has three years maximum to live, it became a problem to both of us… She would’ve still love to visit our special place.” You smiled at the mention of them having a special place, “but then, the disease she made her almost unrecognizable, sever mood swings where she would attack you.” His breath hitches, recalling the painful memories he had with her.

You wanted to ask if the illness she had was curable, but I guess James already read your mind, “no, they couldn’t find a cure for it.” He said, his tone low and mournful. “so, she died from a disease..?” You asked, resting your elbows to your knees like his, “and where is this special place she loved?”

“Silent Hill.”

You nod, smiling, also recalling some childhood memories from that place—but now is not the time being about you, isn’t it?

“So, Mary had three years maximum to live, meaning that she died three years ago?” you summarized in question on what he had told you so far, “am I right?” searching for reassurance.

But instead, he shakes his head and bow low, “no…” he murmur, “what do you mean?” you asked, brows slightly frowning, heart beating rapidly and almost holding your breath back.

“I killed her.”

As if your ears had gone deaf, ringing and your mind swirl with a lot of questions. Snapping out of it, you just let out a nervous chuckle, “you’re joking… right?” breath hitches, heart pounding rapidly as he didn’t react, he turn his head away and didn’t fill the silence.

Quickly getting up to your feet, finding something to do to busy yourself and distract your mind—it’s impossible, right? How could someone as kind like James kill someone? He spoke about Mary full of love and sincerity yet… he killed her.

Why..?

“I uhm…” you start, James stood and called your name, calm and gentle yet—those are the same lips that loved Mary and what killed her, “… could you please..” James hums, walking up to you, your back facing him as he tried to reach for your hand.

Flinching to his touch, you turn and cover then wipe your face with your whole palm. You couldn’t even look at him in the eye, “y.. you should go,” you remark, his lips parts but no words fell from it, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow…” you added, “I just… uhm… need some time.” James, of course, understood. If someone he wanted to be closed to told him that they had killed someone that the person really loves, he’d react the same too.

He'd doubt, isolate himself or even just cut ties with them.

Probably.

If he has the heart to.

Why now? He would asked himself, why now did he have to open up so soon? He just ruined another relationship that he thought he finally could keep. He just need time, just another time and chance to explain himself. But he couldn’t redeem himself to the crime he had done with the same hands that held your kids…

His hand stop reaching out to you, seeing how terrified you were with the information he just laid out to you, it’s terrifying and he knows that… He just… didn’t want Mary to suffer, if he could just say those words, will you understand why he had taken the life of his late-wife?

No. No you won’t, you won’t forgive him nor would he forgive himself, his mouth were open but no words were uttered out, “James…” he snaps back to reality, out of his mind yet again, “please, you and I need uhm… some rest.” You voice out, whispering as the kids were already fast asleep.

He nodded, understanding that it’s already night and… You need sleep and to avoid him for this night, “all right, I understand…” he mutter, slowly backing away and turn to face the door, he called out to you before walking out, “… good night.”

You hum in respond, “yeah… Goodnight too, James.”

Toss and turning in bed after an hour has passed, his words keeps haunting your mind, you could only ask yourself why? Why did he do it? Is it because Mary is too ill and that her illness isn’t curable, does that mean he just didn’t want her to suffer and ended her life with his own hands?

How could he? You thought, can’t sleep properly. James is a nice person, calm and collected when around your kids, even protected them from possible kidnap of Veronica, warned other parents about that suspicious person.

It's just, maybe, hard go believe. He couldn’t possibly, right? You don’t want go believe it, he’s starting to grow in you—letting your heart open ajar for him, just one more push and you’re attached.

Maybe he just said it to push you away? He said horrible things to himself just to distance people away from him, you can’t just ignore his existence and continue with your daily life when your own kids got attached to him.

You’ll go talk to him tomorrow, just need some good night sleep.

But how? When James himself is convinced that he’s a monster.

This all stresses you out, your mind is already tired of thinking and before you knew it, your eyes were closed as slowly your consciousness had taken a deep slumber, while your heartaches for James, a single tear shed from one corner of your eye.

You woke up a little too early, drinking coffee and reading a book on the kitchen table. Surprised that Leo was the first one to wake up, “mowmmy?” he called, putting your mug down and picked him up to your arms, “yes, baby?”

“Whwere’s James?” he asked, yawning and nuzzling his head to the crook of your neck, you hum him in your embrace, trying to put him back to sleep. Leo is smart from his siblings, he understands things that should’ve been terrifying to kids, you wanted to ask him about something, “Leo?”

Leo hums, pulling himself together and rubs his eyes with the back of his palm, “I want to ask you something baby.” You coo, “what would you do if someone you love is suffering in an incurable illness, what would you do?”

It takes time for the question to fully register in Leo’s mind, he blinks at you with his sleepy lidded eyes and huffs out his answer, “I uhm..” he almost mumble, “If its incwurable, I would wike them to stwop suffewing.” He hums, still sleepy yet he could answer your question.

“bwecause, i-if.. mhm.. if they cwontinue to swuffer, it’ll ownly pain them but fwor as long as thwey are stwill alive, I would want to cweate lots of memories with thwem.” He added, you nod. You know this to yourself that you shouldn’t be asking the child such dark question, but you did it anyway.

“But, baby, what if the person was the one who ended that persons suffering, what then?”

He squints at you hard, judging you badly.

Silence filled in as Leo was now fully awake and aware, “did swomeone killed swomeone mwommy?” he asked, rubbing his eyes, shaking your head as an answer with a smile, “just curious what would your answer be, Leo.”

He tilts his head, “lawfuwwy, it’s illegal and cwould be set in jail to swerve sentence fwor attempt murder.” He huffs, kicking his legs to be put down and sit on your lap, you sat back down to your chair and made him sit on your lap. He continues, “bwut, if—IF,” he almost yelled, “itw’s not like I’m dwefending a mwurderer or something.” He coughs and clasp his tiny hands together, “if thwat person feels guilty abwout it, and that thwey wish they dwidn’t done it and wanted to gwow back that thwey didn’t kwilled them. Thwen it means thwat thwey still have a gwood heart, bwecause they regwet.” He finishes and yawns, “mwurders are sometwine put to trial and serve swentence to jail, why is that mwommy?” he asked you.

You thought about it, “because they believe in being sober and second chances, and that they give them months or years in prison to reflect.” Leo nodded at your words in agreement, “exwactly. Now, if ywou will excuse me, I’m still eepy.” He huffs, stomping down to his feet hitting the ground, he looks back at you, “and mwommy, I bwelieve in secwond chances. Maybwe that pwerson thinks its fwor the best or that the pwerson with the illness mwakes it their wish.”

After that, he storms off back to his room, taking another nap with his brothers, it’s still eight in the morning, probably eight and thirty-five, what Leo just said left you speechless and in awe. He really is smart and gifted.

Making up your mind, Leo is right. Maybe… Maybe Mary really had requested it to James to kill herself. Give her life up because she doesn’t want to suffer anymore? Who knows, you’re not there when they’re story happened. You will have a talk with James’ later…

Oops, you need to prepare breakfast first, or else the house will be loud with complaining children about breakfast and having zoomies.

10:30AM.

Kids awake, Veronica somehow knew James’ phone number and invited him over without your knowledge, you only knew that when James told you, “huh? Veronica said you invited me over to come eat breakfast with you guys.”

Spacing out on the table, mind is full of thoughts and question while Veronica is standing on James’ chair while he sits, being also fed by the little girl when James could feed himself, but since knowing Veronica for being a little overdramatic. James couldn’t help but to play along to Veronica’s antics.

James would steal a glance at you every minute while letting Veronica yap and Kenan asking him question about stuff that curious the little boy, though you still refuse to speak the things that are on your mind yesterday—about what he had told you, maybe… just maybe…

Cradling Leo into your arms, looking at him taking a nap on your embrace—thinking about what he had told you earlier when he got his sleep disturb, is it by the lights or perhaps he had nightmares that he never told you about?

You were in the park with James, watching the kids play while Leo takes a nap in your embrace. Silence was deafening between the two of you, for James—it’s like you were out of reach to talk to because of yesterday’s conversation. He thought about explaining, but what is to explain when in the end, he still took an innocent life?

“You know, I have thought about it…” you start, filling the silence and giving James hope to finally talk to you again, “yeah?” he respond, taking his eyes off from the kids playing and searching something in your eyes, “w... Why did you killed Mary?” you asked, covering Leo’s ear incase he’ll hear.

James just shook his head, opening his mouth then closing it again, finding the right words to say, “I… I just didn’t want her to suffer.” He sighs, covering his face with both of his hands, “I-I know she still has three years to live and yet, I.. I killed her, I…” he starts to stutter and slur his words, his heart racing and his ears ringing—getting a bit dizzy when he speaks his situation, it’s too much for him.

Why? Is all he could ask himself.

Why did he do it?

Someone’s calling out to him… “h… ey…” it said, his breathing became shallow and making it hard to him to breathe.

“James!” you yelled, hand grasping his shoulder while the other is still cradling Leo asleep, you frown in worry— how his face went pale and starts sweating cold sweats, “are you okay?” You asked, voice shaking because it looks like he’s going to collapse any time soon.

He shakes his head and finally snaps out of it, “I-I’m fine.” He assures, blinking a few times as he leans back to the bench, “memories are probably getting to me… Even that place.” He murmur, leaning his head back and letting out a big sigh.

“Silent hill?” you curiously raised a brow, Leo steer awake and sat up to your lap, “mwommy…” Leo whines, hands clenched to your shoulder while he used the other to rub his eye, blinking at James, “Jwames?” he murmur, “yeah buddy?” James smiled, unexpectedly—Leo lift his arms to James, silently asking for James to pick him up to his grasp.

Silence filled in yet again, you two just sit on the bench while Kenan, Junior and Veronica still plays on the slides and swings. Leo eyed on the two of you, as if trying to crack an unsolved case, “awre you in love with my mwommy, James?” Leo squint his eyes to him, brows frowning at James—the man could also let out a small chuckle, “I like your mom as my friend, bud. Why do you ask?” he says, Leo shook his head that says ‘nothing!’

Leo could only play with James calloused hands, tracing his small finger tips to James’ fingers, your conversation with James was just interrupted by your son—but it doesn’t matter. You already heard James’ reason for killing Mary, but it still isn’t justified why he took her life…

But now that you think about it…

Three years to live with the disease that really made a huge impact in your life… Slashing out to your cherished ones without a reason, no complete control of your temper and mood, almost completely losing your mind because of the sudden change of your mood swings… Then drugs are fed to you just to have a complete grasp of your actual self.

Wouldn’t you wish to just die too?

Letting out a sigh as you finally come to a conclusion in mind, “James… was Mary been fed some type of drugs just to have… you know, to have a complete control of herself?” you asked, it takes a few minutes before he answer, nodding faintly, “yeah.. yeah, probably…” he hums, Leo is tracing the indent or trace of a ring to James’ ring finger.

Leo lifts James hand up and asked him, “you has ring?” the boy asked, “is Jwames has wife?” he added, James nodded to his question and Leo shot you a look, “mwommy, James has wife which mweans you cwan’t shoot youwr shot.” Said Leo, making you gasp and speechless at what your son just said, you? Hit on James? As if, right?

“but,” start James, looking down at Leo’s baby blues, “bit, my wife is gone… to a happy place, you know?” he pats his head and smiles, “oooh…” Leo’s lips form in a shape of an O then said, “she’s died.” With a straight innocent face and nodded with understanding.

James doesn’t know whether he would laugh at him or just be concern how Leo knew that, you almost snicker but cough and cleared your throat—neither of you spoke such things with Leo again.

The kids finally got tired and asked to go home.

What a day, right?

Walking back home with James helping you with the kids, again. In his arms are holding two of your kids that took a nap on each of his shoulders; Veronica and Kenan got very tired, Junior on the other hand, had some energy left to just walk home by foot.

Since they’ve already eaten dinner (went out to eat dinner), James helped you change your kids into their pajamas and put them to sleep in their rooms, leaving Junior last because he isn’t sleepy for now, “Junior, you’ve already change into your jammies,” you raise your brows at him, “c’mon now, let’s get you tucked in bed.” Gesturing your hand to him to come to you.

Junior waved his hand to James then off to bed, “bye-bye James.” Junior murmur, you could tell he still likes to have a dew more minutes with the man but he needs his sleep, tucking him in bed and kissing his forehead goodnight.

Which leaves you and James alone in your own home, silence and gap between you as you reluctantly sat down beside James, and knowing you’re still bothered. He created some distance between the two of you, you glanced at him, he’s still as miserable as ever but he’s trying to have a positive look—especially when the kids were around.

You let out a sigh, leaning your back to the soft cushion of your couch, “d-.. do you think Mary would forgive you?” you asked, finally looking over him at the other end of your couch, large distance he made to make you comfortable, it takes him a few courage to look and meet your gaze, “I.. I don’t know… But the most thing she’ll ask is… why did I killed her.” He murmur.

You just nod and let silence sit between you, heart heavy and the atmosphere gloomy.

“But she did want the pain to end soon right?” you asked, slowly scooting over to him, “James, knowing you these past few days—” you cut yourself off, bluffing your words, “I mean, three entire days to be exact. It feels like I’ve known a friend for a long time, you became a familiar feeling so… I wanted to say that…” you took a sharp breath and takes his hand to yours.

“You have many things left unsaid, don’t you?” caressing his hand and tracing the indent mark of his ring finger, “doesn’t it feel heavy, to just bottle it all up?” You asked, your tone soft and understanding—just like Mary he thought. But he couldn’t compare you to her, you’re you. And Mary is herself. Yet he finds solace to your comforting words and tone, your presence too.

He misses this feeling, how his heart pounds out as he lets out his cries—you see tears finally running down to his cheeks. You let out a soft sigh and soothes his back, letting him weep and cry his heart out, “there are still some things you want to say to Mary, right?” you asked, “ask her… If she could forgive you for what you’ve done, and that she may understand why you had done it.” You hum.

But it still doesn’t change the fact she’s gone…

A minute passed and he finally calmed down, his breath hitches as he just stared off to your floor, “tea?” you offered a mug to him which he happily takes it and sips, “how about we visit Mary tomorrow?” you suggested, sipping on your tea while staring blankly at the wall too.

He thought about it, maybe it’s time to finally say the things he left unsaid… His regrets, his happiest time with her and the life that they had, though in just a blink of an eye, it was all gone… She’s gone.

James nod at your suggestion, caressing the mug that he’s holding, “yeah… I think I would love that…” a small smile tug from the corner of his lips, you smiled back but you don’t know whether to judge his character or not… But it’s up to Mary to decide that.

“Great, I’ll call my friends and father to come babysit my kids tomorrow morning,” she hums, “well, since it’s scheduled that my father will take them anyway for some bonding time for a whole week.” She chuckles, taking the mug from your hands to wash it on the sink.

He stood up and nod to your words, “well, I better get going then.” He voice out, although a bit trouble to turn his back and leave, “goodnight.” He said, you nod and said your goodnight to him too, but something caught his eye. Something was covered with a white floral fabric, it looks like a piano of some sort?

His brows furrow with curiosity, looking back at you washing the remaining dishes and back at the covered piano, “h-hey..” he called, “what’s this?” he points, you turn to look at him but what he’s pointing at is being covered by the wall, “wait,” you dry your hands with a clean cloth and walk towards him.

You turn to see what he’s pointing at… Your piano, “oh.. I-it’s uhm.. a piano,” you nervously chuckle, “why’d you cover it?” James took the white floral fabric off and revealing a black upright piano that goes against the wall, you thin your lips because you covered the piano because of Mary.

“You play?” James asked, lifting the cover to reveal the keys, “you still haven’t answer my first question though.” He added and sat on the piano stool, just to feel the keys. You sigh and just tell him why you covered your piano up, “yes I play and I covered it because well… It reminds you of Mary, you said that Mary plays right?” you smiled and pressed one key down, hoping that your kids wouldn’t hear it.

“I just.. don’t want you to remember a painful memory when you’re with us…” you admitted, looking down at the keys, “I play for my kids whenever they want to hear me play, then sometimes they will play the piano badly to the point where your ears would bleed.” You chuckle, sharing one precious memory with him, opening up just like how he did to you.

He smiled and let out a small laugh with you, “well uhm… Play one for me then?” he requested, you raise a brow and nodded, “uhm, yeah sure…” preparing your fingers up to the keys and asked him, “what song?”

“something that resonate with you most.”

You nodded and fulfill his request, it was slow and melodic… It suddenly became fast and your fingers easily pressed the right keys swiftly, quick and smoothly taking one finger off to pressed another key…

You played river flows in you by Yiruma.

It’s something about that song that hits home, how it describes ones person love, representing how love grows on two different people with two different worlds and yet… Love always make things hurt or work, it’s a representation of feeling in love… But for you, the song also makes you cry and how you dedicate this song to the person you also lost.

James stayed silent to the whole song until it ended, “wow” he whispered, shaking his head in disbelief. You’re not Mary, and never will. You played it like a pro and James now knew the difference and accepted that, he wanted to clap but was outdone by someone else.

“wow mwommy!” claps Veronica, beaming despite being sleepy, you snap your head to look at the kids being awake, how long were they standing there to watch you play?

You suddenly stood up and looks down at them, “how long were you guys watching huh?” you asked with a sweet soft smile, kneeling to their level to give them an individual kiss on their cheeks, “mwommy, play us again pwease…” plead Kenan while sitting on the floor with his stuffed plush on his arms, Leo had his arms fold… here we go again.

Raising a brow at Leo while James pulled down the cover of the piano keys, still sitting on the piano stool, “mwommy are you confwessing ywour wove to Jwames or somethwing?” Leo asked with suspicion, you snicker at his words and shake your head, “James asked me to play a song that resonate with me most, baby. Why do you asked?”

“bwecause mwommy, wivers fwows in you repwesent the feeling of bweing in wove.” He smartly answers and tuts at you, “so, it’s nwormal fwor me to assume thwat you’re confwessing mwommy.” He added, you just gently flick his forehead for his smartass answer and picked him up.

Junior comes and hugs your legs, gripping tightly with his sleepy eyes looking up at you, what Junior asked shocked you most.

“is Jwames now our daddy?”

“…”

Silence…

Junior blinks at you with his sleepy eyes, yawning and waiting for your answers—he just doesn’t know what he said wrong, always jumping to conclusions when given the opportunity, you open your mouth to answer but no words were uttered out but Junior speaks again, “bwecause mwommy, I vewy like Jwames…” he yawns, admitting his likeness to James.

James on the other hand, is smiling from the piano stool. It feels like, he’s wanted—belonged even, his heart swells when an innocent kid thinks high regard of him, even though in his mind. He’s just a normal guy doing nothing special, “well, hate to break it to you buddy,” said James, getting to his feet and meeting his level, “I-.. I’m not.” He thin his lips as he breaks it to Junior, shaking his head—meeting the kids innocent gaze.

“…oh.” Juniors late reaction, he’s still sleepy but you can tell he’s a bit upset about it, clasping your hands together and breaking the news to everybody that it’s bed time and a little late and that everyone needs sleep for tonight.

Taking the kids back to bed again, Junior frowning when he finally sleeps. It took a little while for Leo to comfort his brother that got really attached to James, you couldn’t blame him. James may see himself nothing special, but to the kids—he is special. To them, and to you (as a friend)

Tomorrow, your father would take the kids for a whole week to bond and some alone time for yourself, and tomorrow… You’ll accompany James to Mary’s grave… Help him say his goodbye and support him along his healing journey along the way, it’s time to say goodbye and start anew right?

James bid goodbye for the last time to get himself some sleep and prepare himself for tomorrow, recite what he wants to say probably? Recall the memories he want to share and his burdens and regret. But what about the letter..?

What letter..?

Woke up early, needing to pack the clothes of your kids, make them breakfast, give them shower and let them choose what kind of stuff plush they’d bring with them. They were excited and Junior probably forgot yesterday’s conversation, he thinks it’s just a silly little dream… But he did share his thoughts with you when he woke up feeling good.

“Jwames became our daddy!” he said that when he woke up first thing in the morning, the kids loved that guy to the point that one by one—they’ll think James is now their daddy.

After packing a one suitcase since the kids also have clothes at your fathers place (gifted and bought by friends too), so you and your kids waited a few minutes outside to be picked up by car by one of your closed friends, when they arrived—they chill for a few minutes, engaged conversation with you and catch up for the times that you had missed with them.

Then they left to with your kids, they’ll be arriving at your fathers place to take care of them and of course, your friends too. And now… You’re alone.

Not entirely… You have James, and today is the day you’ll be accompanying him, getting ready and had your breakfast. You need at least to look good and give Mary a good impression to meet her, befriend even the dead, right?

You heard a knock on your door, you put on your beret hat and smooth out your dress. Heels clicking that even James could hear from outside, the door open and revealed James before you, “hi.” You smiled, “good morning, how’re you?” you asked, taking your purse with you as you step outside.

He tilts his head, eyes squint a little as he points slowly at your attire, “what… uhm… are you wearing?” he asked slowly, not wanting to sound offensive, you huff and put your hand on your hip, “well, if I’m meeting your late-wife, I at least need to look presentable so that she’ll like me as your friend.” He just nodded and whispered, “okay.”

Stepping down to your porch step, turning back and look at him, “what? Come on now, let’s move.” You tut, he shakes his head with a small smile—walking down towards you, guiding you to his car as you sat down on the passenger seat of his car.

“It’ll be a long ride though.” He advised you, buckling his belt as you did yours, pulling out your mirror to tidy your hair, “yeah, that’s fine.” You assure, he looks over to you—finally starting the car and drove off, “yeah? What about your kids?” he asked out of concern, looking at the road and back at the rearview mirror.

You hum, repositioning yourself in your seat—still looking at yourself in the mirror not until you heard some paper crunch or something, “oh, shit. I think I just sat on to something.” You curse softly, completely caught off guard when you heard.

“Yeah, you don’t have to worry about the kids, my friend picked them up.” You assured, looking down at your seat and finding the paper that you just sat on, “my father and possibly some friends will help to take care of them.” You added, “ah—ha!” you finally caught the paper you sat on under your seat, “you have a letter, James. Don’t you want to read it?”

He's assured that your kids are safe and sound with your father and friends that’ll love them and take care of them with all of their hearts, “a letter?” he asked, taking a quick glance of it on your hands, “oh…” his face turned gloomy again, the same first look you saw from him when you two first met.

“Are you all right?”

“Nothing… I still haven’t read that letter.” He stop at the red light, a light traffic jam, “oh, you want to read it now?” you asked, “and who is it from?” it piqued your interest, but you wouldn’t open to snoop around and find out, right? James finally drove the car again, letting out a small sigh.

“Mary.”

“sorry what?” you asked yet again, busy inspecting the envelope of the letter, “it’s from Mary.” He repeated, steering the wheel to the right, as he continue, “the nurse gave it to me when… Mary passed.” He cleared his throat, clearly a sign that he doesn’t want to talk about it—you just nod and caress the letter on your fingertips.

A few minutes in the ride, atmosphere a little heavy as silence carried on. You could only watch from the car window—tress, houses nor clouds pass, James could only steal a glance at you from time to time until he finally spoke about the letter, “could you… uhm…” he cough.

You almost nod off, but quickly gathered yourself together, “yeah?” you sleepily respond, yawning a bit and rubbing your temple, “what’s up?”

“could you read the letter for me, so.. you know, I know what Mary wrote before I face her.” He hums, turning left and straight ahead of the road, you nod at his request and open the glove compartment and took the letter to your hands. Letting out a sharp breath because opening a letter that meant to him made you nervous.

Slowly opening the envelope and taking out the folded paper inside—unfold it and cleared your throat as you began to read what Mary had wrote to James, “are you ready?” you asked, you could hear his breath shake as he nod, “ready.”

You finally start from the very beginning…

“Well, this letter has gone on too long, so I’ll say goodbye. I told the nurse to give this to you after I’m gone.”

You stopped for a moment and looked over to James, his knuckles almost turning white from gripping the steering wheel too hard, his eyes quickly glanced at you and assured you silently that he’s fine.

“Which means that, as you’re reading this, I’m already dead.”

Your lips thinned, brows furrow as your heart aches from Mary’s letter, and as if James’ ears had gone deaf and that it’s Mary’s voice is all he could hear.

“But that’s okay. I’m not afraid of it anymore, I just hope that the pain will end soon so that you remember me for who I was…”

Pause…

“and not what the disease made me… I want you to go on, I want you to live… For yourself and for the others, like you did for me.”

Your voiced cracked and held back a tear to shed, you look at James in silence before continuing on—his eyes were full of tears, silently sobbing and trying to focus on the road.

“You’ve given me so much and I haven’t been able to return a single thing. That’s why I want you to live for yourself now. Do what’s best for you James.”

Can’t help but share his burden as tears fell from the corner of your eyes, burning your cheeks as you read the last line.

But you also called his name…

“James… You made me happy.” It said when the letter ended, but even when the letter ended, you also called out to James who seems to park to stop for a while—you reached out and soothe him to his shoulder, his breathing hitches as he inhale sharply.

Scooting a bit close so you could lean close to him, “it’s okay, we can stop for now…” you mutter, stopping your own tears from falling, cooing him and soothing him down as he waves his hand to dismiss it, “n-no.. no…” he cleared his throat, leaning his head back to his seat, “we’re already here…”

You stayed with the car, getting some fresh air after reading Mary’s letter to James, you’ve witness it—how deeply hurt he is and how he regretted everything… But it seems to you that in the letter, no matter what—Mary would always forgive and wait for James.

He walked towards Mary’s grave, he didn’t brought anything with him except some flowers to give her. He knelt in her tombstone and wipe a dust off of it as you watch him from your distance. Since it’s for the best that James do his thing first before introducing yourself as his friend to her.

“Hey..” James called as he knelt down, he looks down at Mary’s craved name on the tombstone as he look for the right words to say, “Mary… I’m here, sorry to keep you waiting.” He smiles as he continues, placing a single flower on her stone.

He searches for something, but she’s not here with him—she couldn’t look at him and meet his gaze, she’s dead. He knew that but his eyes still searched and longed for her presence, how he could tell her that he loved her for the last time, share one… just one more moment with her.

But he never knew that the last moment he would share with his deceased lover would be her tombstone staring right back at him with her named craved on it.

“you know…” he starts, “I was convinced that… I..” he takes a deep breath and continue, “I just… can’t go on without you…” he huffs, touching the stone in front of him in his thumb, “I couldn’t forgive myself for what I’ve done… And… I miss you so, so much.” He sob, sharply inhaling and gathering his thoughts and putting it into words.

As if his mind was playing with him, he could hear her reply to him—engaging a conversation with him for the last time, maybe he’s in denial but it’ll be their last…

“shh, it’s okay, James…” the spirit smiles as he let out a chuckle, he thinks he’s out of his mind but he continues, “I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me for what I did… I should’ve made more memories with you, Mary…”

“yet you’ve already given me so much.”

He smiles faintly, tears burning his face as he sniffle, “I’m so, so sorry… I know this isn’t what you’d want.” He scoff to himself, “seeing me like this, but it doesn’t matter anymore… right?” he asked the wind.

Chinning up to the sky as the clouds covered the blue sky, “you’re not here… are you?”

No answer… Maybe his mind is playing tricks with him, maybe he’s just mad and crazy or maybe too depressed than he thought, he looks down at her tombstone again, “you don’t have to keep waiting for me, Mary… Just as you wish, I will try to go on and live…” he murmur, taking out a photograph of Mary and setting it down with the flower.

“for myself.. and maybe for the others too,” he smiled at the smiling photo of her, “I found another home… that made me happy, like how I did for you too..”

He stayed silent for a little while, turning his head around to quickly glance at you, “Mary.” He called, closing his eyes and as if to feel the wind hugging him.

“thank you.”

From the distance, it feels like James is giving his all—doing his best to word it all his burdens out and the problems off of his shoulder, you could only wait for him to call you to introduce you to her.

He’s having the time of his life chatting with her, you could really see that… he really did love her. Oh, how you wished to find a man that would also love you like how James loved Mary…

You’re alone with your own thoughts as you watch the clouds move pass and cover the blue sky, you seem to be nodding off when James came over to you—his hand grasp on your shoulder and snap you back from reality, “woah!” You let out a yelp, got startled a little as you look over and saw James in front of you.

“yeah? Already good?” you asked, brows furrowing with worry but you could tell that his heart feels a little lighter than it is in the past few days. He nod, taking your hands to his as he gently tug you away from his car, “c’mon…” his voice soft when he whispers, urging you to walk with him to her grave.

You knelt down after James did and met with Mary’s photograph with the flowers on top, your heart swells with so much pleasure and honor to finally meet her—even if it’s just her tombstone…

You introduced yourself with four kids that are quadruplets and shared a story that your little devils had taken a liking to James, even joking about how one of them even asked if James is now their daddy. He chuckles at your story and how enthusiastic you are to share this with Mary, he also share some memories with you when he’s still with Mary and that the two met by a mutual friend. He shares the piece of memory that Mary plays the piano and how bad she is.

But even so, James’ told Mary that, “I would still love to hear her play.” With the sweetest smile that you’ve ever seen, it took almost hours just to tell and share a story nor a memory with a friend, you and James bid a final farewell as James asked you to be the first one to get in the car and that’ll he’ll follow.

He took something from inside his jacket… His wedding ring, he kneels down and buried it with her, “I know you wanted me to be happy… And yet.” He turns back and looks over to you inside his car, “I think I’ve found my happiness, Mary… Another reason for me to continue living on with my life, but this time it’s not with you, but them.” He emphasize and thought about the kids and obviously… you.

Maybe it was Mary’s wish to have a family and he granted that wish, she’s still alive in his mind and in his heart—he carried on to her wish for a family and… James found that family, he smiled at her tombstone for the last time, leaving the ring buried with her.

Thank you, Mary… Thank you…

James finally got inside and start the car, you smiled over to him as he backs and drove off, “already accepted it?” you asked as he gave you a smile and nod, “I’ve finally learned to accept it.” He said, now aiming for the two of you to go home…

Where is home to James?

Home is where he’s needed most, which means home is where you and your kids will be…

It’s now time for him to start a new book, new pages and chapters in his life without Mary, but with you and your four devils… And he couldn’t wait what’s in store for him and his fate…

It gone dark, and James parked his car to his garage. He looks over to you and see that you had gone asleep while he drives the two of you back home. Didn’t think that the visit will get you this tired, wouldn’t you?

Still in his car and thinking what will he do… carry you inside and let you sleep in his bed while he takes the couch or… look for your keys on your purse and carry you inside your own home and leave?

But, you know what? He had gone to the first option and carried you inside his home—you only just live next door so it’ll be no problem, right? Carefully setting you down to his own bed, smoothing your dress down so it won’t cripple up and think of him as a pervert. He then takes the blanket and tuck you in while he takes your purse and hat, setting it to the bedside table and taking your heels off too.

His hands on his hips as he let out a huge sigh, you’re not that heavy to carry—it’s just, he got tired too easily and he’s having trouble opening the door with one hand, trying to not wake you up while he’s at it.

You stir and turn to your side, tasting the air as you peacefully have your slumber. He kneels down beside you, brushing off a strand of hair from your face and stared at you for a while…

Maybe… Just maybe…

He had already fallen for you.

But not because you share the same similarities of Mary’s personality, it’s because you’re you… you’re on your own person, why does he have to compare you to another? You’re unique and different.

Maybe that’s why, he has finally gave in to the feeling and sensation of butterflies.

“that’s it… I admit,” he says, smiling at your sleeping face, “you don’t know how far I’ve finally fallen for you.” He murmur.

You heard someone murmur so close to you, but you didn’t heard it quite right, a mumble perhaps and just get your goodnight rest and James on the other hand was true to his word and sleeps on the couch, making himself comfortable.

Shit, maybe this new chapter of his life will be the death of him.

You were at peace, your surroundings are a little too quiet for your surroundings—where are the kids? They usually jump on your bed and shake you awake, a smile spread from your face when you remember that Junior asked if James is now their daddy… It was ridiculous, but what if it’s possible that you two dated..? You didn’t think James would actually agree to it, since well… Being a father is a big commitment for you and for the kids.

Then you remembered, you were suppose to accompany James’ visit to Mary yet you fell asleep. What if he needed your support? What then..?

You stir in your sleep, heart pounding and awake in cold sweat as you heard someone fumble right on the living room, “ow—” the voice said, eyes fluttering as you rub your eyes and temple, sitting up in bed and look around—this isn’t your home.

Well, where were you then?

You groan, feeling a bit heavy as you focus your vision, “James..?” you called, the rearing of something like a vacuum turned off—hearing footsteps come closer and louder as the bedroom door opened, “yeah?” it was James. He’s just cleaning his living room, “oh yeah, sorry. You were uhm…” he looks around and set the vacuum down then came closer and sat on the edge of the bed, he sat in silence as he meets your gaze. You smiled at him, seeing how the spark in his eyes were back.

“Did I fell asleep?” you asked, rubbing your eyes. He then helps you sit down next to him, “I’m sorry, I know I’m supposed to be there with you while we visit Mary.” He hushes you and nod, “hey, hey…” he called, looking down at your tired state, “it’s okay,” he softly smiles, “we were supposed to get home anyway, and uh… I don’t know that if I should wake you up so you could go home and rest but—” he pauses, thinning his lips—feeling a little ounce of shame, “I just carried you inside my house and let you rest on my bed.”

You smiled and let out a big yawn, you mind finally at ease as you meet his eyes, “I hope I didn’t wake you up though,” he scratched the back of his neck, “I was cleaning while you were asleep, didn’t want a guest to see my home in such a messy state.” He added, his white teeth almost showing.

You let out a sigh and pat his shoulder, “it’s okay, big guy.” You snicker, “I get you.” You added, then sat in silence. You two could only have a stare off and the tension is odd, clearing your throat as you get up to your feet and hands on your hips, “I should be going… Sorry for uhm…” awkward, he stands up after you and waves his hand, “no, no. It’s okay, you were exhausted and we both cried our eyes out… so yeah.”

And there it is, the awkward tension between the two like it’s the first time they have met, but why does it feel that James is more of a changed man? As if he’s finally at peace with his own mind now that he’s smiling more often, his eyes even shone a little if you weren’t mistaking it.

Maybe because of Mary, he just needed to let those feelings out and talk to her—she was the reason that makes him what he is now, you smiled and grab both of his shoulder and utter the words you’re meaning to say, “I’m so proud of you.”

Tilting your head to the side, he froze and smiled at your words, “yeah… I’m proud of myself too, you know?” grinning from ear to ear as you look at the time, “wanna get breakfast?” James spoke, cutting you off before you could even speak and suggest that you two should eat breakfast, looking at him—feeling a bit smug as you squint, “all… right, sure I would love that.” Accepting his invitation, you first will take a shower and change into a new set of clothes.

Gathering your shower thoughts and thinking back at Mary’s grave, when you were watching him from the distance—he was pouring his all and heart out, you don’t know whether there was a fog on their or the wind was picking up, but as if you saw someone responding to him… or your mind is just playing tricks?

Nonetheless, it made him at peace finally, learning to finally accept things the way it were—he regret and renew for the better, for himself and as Mary said—and for the others.

Finally got yourself ready to meet James outside, waiting on your front porch, “James?” you called, closing your front door and locking it with your keys, coming down your porch steps as you brush off strands of hair from your face, “yeah? Ready to go?” he asked, eyeing you from your feet up to your face, “so, do I look all right?” you asked him with a small smile, he nod slowly—taking it all in, heart pounding, letting out a sharp breath, “y-.. yeah, you look fine..?” he almost slurs his words from stuttering, his words almost coming out as a question than validation.

You let out a snicker, finding his sudden shyness cute, like how any other guy felt when they had a crush or some type of feels that gives them butterflies, you just nod at him with a grin on your face, “all right,” ignoring the way he talks, he’ll be self-conscious about it, “where to?” you asked, nudging his shoulder.

“you wanna get some breakfast, right?” he asked, raising a brow, you shrug in response, “I mean, yeah, surprise me.” You remark, blinking at him with a cheeky smile—you reach out and grab his arm and tug him towards the town.

For James, it feels like it was meant to be a date—he’s a coward; how would you know he’s taking you out for a date? He’s scared to ask; if he did, then he might chicken out and ditch. But he wouldn’t do that; it’s not like in the past few days that it meant nothing—it means everything to him. How every passing day, he is slowly accepting and falling deeper into the feeling that he had once lost.

A home.

He’s also quite thankful that your kids wouldn’t be here for a week. Then he will try and make you fall for him within a week, not that he hasn’t fallen for you yet. Little did you know… He’s falling very, very hard. As if he’d be willing to drown and swim deep into the ocean for you.

How come you didn’t question that in every shop that you point at, he’ll encourage you to come inside yet when you didn’t find what interested you; he will keep asking you question like; “are you sure?” “how about this one?” “don’t you think this suits you?”

It's like he’s convincing you to take at least one then you two could leave the shop, he pays for everything and even takes the ones you had touch to the counter, and pays for it. You glare and tried to stop him but his response is always the same; “it’s fine, think of it as my repayment.,”

Repayment for what exactly? You asked yourself, as you finally find yourself sitting on a café and he orders lunch for the two of you. You sit in silence, gathering you own thoughts and confront James about it and these… 10 paper bags that’s sitting on the side of his chair, you pinch the bridge of your nose and think about repaying him with all the stuff he bought for you.

He came back with a number plate to have the waiters serve the order to your table, “what’s up?” he asked, taking his seat as he rest his elbows on top of the table, he frowns when he finds you looking troubled, “hey… you okay?” he reached out to brush a strand of hair off from your face.

You shake your head slowly in response with a faint smile, “it’s nothing… It’s just, you bought so much stuff.” You point out, finger-pointing at the paper bags from different stores in town, he looks down from each of it and nodded, “yeah, they’re for you, though.” He utter, tilting his head to the side, “don’t you like it?” he question, his tone a little down and sad—did he go too far and crossed the line?

“No, no… I love it, you’re so thoughtful and generous… I’m just worried about uhm… how much you just spent on every bag…” you murmur, voicing it down so other people wouldn’t hear and assume that you two are arguing. You think about the offer you’re about to give him, and you know what?

Fuck it. You clasp your hands, startling him and making him almost jump up from his seat, “you scared me.” He smiled, the waiter finally had gone to your table and set down the drinks and slices of cakes down. You two muttered thank yous to the waiter with a smile then back at meeting each other’s gaze.

“So.” You start, “how about I repay you?” you hush him before he could protest, “a-upupupup!” you squint, “I’m not finish, like. How about half the price of all these bags?” you asked, “you just spent too much, James. I feel bad.” You frown, taking one of the bags and looking at what’s inside, a plush that you wanted to get but couldn’t and yet James bought it for you.

“No, you d—”

“James, please.”

You plead, his eyes fixated to yours—even your eyes seems to be pleading at him. He finds it so… adorable? Cute, pretty, stunning, and all of the above. His heart racing just hearing your plea. He cough and took his eyes away from you, picking up his fork and slicing his own cake to shove it down his throat.

It feels like he just ignored you and kept eating his slice. You cleared your throat to get a reaction, you sigh when there’s none, reaching out and put your hand on top of his, he flinched and looked back at you—drinking his frappe. You frown at him, pulling his hand to his surprise, pinning it down with your elbow as you took your purse and started to count your paper bucks.

You gave a hundred bucks and closed his fingers around it, as he finally had his hand back, he sucks in his cheeks and counted it in silence—you’re content and start to eat your own slice and sip the drink he had bought you, not until he slides back a few bucks back at you.

Taking it quickly to your hands and counted the money, he only took ten and gave you the rest, you frown and anger rising, “James!” you yelled, he chuckles and put his index finger to his lips and pointed at the people behind him, knowing you wouldn’t cause a scene, though they got startled too and looked back as you shot them with an apologetic look. Widening your eyes at James, finally eating lunch in silence.

After the day ends (which James considered a “date”), he walks you back home with the ten paper bags that he’s carrying, attracting attention from the other neighbors, you open your door and pulled him inside so they wouldn’t be questioned, “you can just leave the bags on the couch.” You advised and gone to your kitchen to wash your hands, “yeah, sure.” He hums, you could hear him gently rummage off the bag from his hand one by one, carefully placing each one down.

You admit, it was fun being alone with James. Being showered with gifts that he voluntarily bought you, buy you lunch and the simple gesture that made you happy. You smiled while you dry your hands, James came towards you and tap your shoulder, “hey.” He called, you turn with a big smile on your face, “hey… uhm… You know, today uhm..”

“No, it’s okay, I know I went overboard but I couldn’t help it.” He sighs and took your hands to his, spreading his own warmth to your own hands, “no it’s okay, it’s just— James, I feel really, really bad that you had spend so much money and not give me a chance to spend my own.” You frown, not liking that one person is spending too much on another.

James smiled and nodded, “yeah.. uh… fine, I’ll calm it down.” You heard him chuckle, it was soft and gentle—you feel your own stomach do the thing but it’s just friendly gesture towards friend, right? Thinning your lips as you nod, you gave him a hug, letting out a sigh, “I’m glad to have you as my friend, James. You made my day… I badly needed it.” You chuckle, pulling yourself from him and pat his shoulders.

Friend..? He’s still considered as your friend… He knew he got to try harder, but not get overboard or it’ll throw you off. He sighs and nodded, “yeah, I figured…” he pauses as you turned around to check your fridge, “oh, I gotta get some groceries.” Mutter to yourself, he caught that and maybe… Grocery date?

“oh, uhm…” James reached out, “Are you free uh—” he cough, shaking his legs and shift his weight, “like uhm..”

“free this week? Yeah, I am but I gotta get some groceries, my fridge is almost empty…” you mutter, scratching your chin with your index finger, “yeah, it’s fine. I could help with that.” James spoke quickly in response, clearing his throat as if its itchy. You closed the fridge and squint your eyes at him, smiling, “okay, I expect some company tomorrow just for buying groceries, huh?”

He pursed his lips and nod, “yeah, I could help you carry them.” He smiles with his eyes, longing and touch starved. He wants to hold your hand for a bit longer, but he resisted; you might see him as a freak if he did.

“All right, it’s set then?” you asked and he nodded, “you should head home, getting a bit dark now.” You added as you escort him to your door, “oh, and James?” stopping him for a second, holding his wrist and looked at him in the eyes, “thank you.” Then let go.

James paused and nodded, his finger brushing a strand of hair from your face and set it behind your ear, “you’re welcome.” He says softly and left.

The next day came and he really did helped you with your groceries, pushing the cart and sort them out when you just throw it in and don’t sort it out so he’s doing the job for you. So that when you’re going to check out, it’ll be easy for the packer to pack and separate the snacks, detergents, raw food, and some cooking essentials—all the hygiene materials you need are on the basket beneath the cart.

He insist paying on the half but fought him for it, smacking his hand from giving the cashier his money—he winces and just laughs about and let it slide, don’t want to cause a scene and for him. The date was slightly at success, his goal was to make you smile and laugh… Enjoy your day and surprised you with a single flower that he picked up from a bush that grew some daisies.

After grocery, he invited you to have a stroll around town and be familiar with it—asking you directions and taking your hand to have a stroll around. Chatting and telling stories of your past as he asked you questions about your favorites along the way, like; “what’s your favorite color?” “roses or tulips? No?” “okay, so. Dresses or..?”

Some common questions that you wouldn’t notice that he’s hitting on you and taking notes of what you love and dislikes, what you’d do on your spare time and favorite thing to do. He’s making an effort—he really is. He just… felt a connection, he really fell hard—too hard that he’ll probably let you suffocate him (with a pillow or with love?)

It took, two days… three to a whole week of spending time with him everyday without the kids, he’s grateful for that but what the fuck—he’s stressing because you always dismiss his romantic gestures to a friendly one, assuming that he’s just being kind and a caring friend.

“Aw, aren’t you such a good friend?”

“why thank you, my good friend.”

“we are friends, right?”

And… he would be lying if it isn’t stressing him out and a week had already passed, the kids would be back home in a few hours, he sighs and waits outside in case that a car would park in front and take the kids per your request to James, you said to him that you two would wait for them outside but you’re taking so long inside your home.

Worried, he steps inside and couldn’t see you on the living room to the kitchen, he saw the door of your room ajar—he pushed it wide and saw you looking at your nose on your body length mirror, “hey.” He called, leaning on the doorframe, hands on the pockets of his jacket, “you good?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine…” you turn to him, trying to fix your nose contour and adventuring with it, but to him; it looks like you broke your nose from the distance as panic sets in his eyes. You didn’t even get to blink when he dashed towards you, grabbed your cheeks with two of his hands—squishing your cheeks as he inspects your nose, “what the hell happened to your nose?” his tone raised with concern and curiosity.

You groan, having your head tilt with the direction he wants, tilting your head to the side, “ow— James..!” You mumble, lips pouting as his eyes were still wide with horror, it just look like you had broken your nose in such way that’s not possible, “its just my nose contour!” you muffle out, taking his wrist to your hand and trying to pull his grip down, “no, my nose isn’t broken. I’m just having fun with it.” You added, letting out a small snort and laugh.

He rest his forehead to yours and let out a sigh of relief, “not going to lie, that scared me.” He murmur, his breath close to yours as you snicker at him, “I’ll wipe it off and I will do what I usually do on my nose contour.”

“okay, I’ll be right outside okay?” his thumb caress both of your cheeks, tracing circles in a longing and loving way as his eyes bores into yours… the look of being in love, you hum in respond and to him, time and the world stopped just by looking at your eyes.

You two stayed in the same pose for a little while as you notice that he’s been sleeping and eating well, taking good care of himself while he’s admiring you, but before you could touch his face—you heard a small pitch voice coming from your door, “oooh!” you looked as James quickly retreat his hands and put it back to his pocket, and you saw a grinning Veronica from the door of your room.

The kids were already here and witness something that’ll make them go crazy and assume things, “OMG!” yelled Junior, running towards James and hugged the back of his legs, “Jwames is now daddy!” he says, giggling and rubbing his face to James’ jeans.

“Wow.” Says Leo, Kenan on the other hand is sitting on the floor with his stuff plush in his hands—watching his other sibling make a ruckus about the two of you, Veronica giggling and getting butterflies, Junior keeps repeating that James is now their ‘daddy.’

Being a father (well, step-father) is a big commitment, he knew that but… he couldn’t help but fell in love with these kids too, how he feels needed and would look for, they would look for James if he had gone missing, he can take that especially Junior and Veronica would cry if he disappeared.

He welcomed them with open arms, you got down to their level and greeted them with big hugs—running at you with their little arms flying to your neck and giggles and their little aggression roar. Trying to out best you with your tight hug, but they couldn’t, and love your big tight hugs.

You and James did indoor games for the kids, bake them the snacks that they want (and helped in the kitchen too, making a mess on the process), for James—it’s like the family that Mary would want, he’ll carry her wish and fulfilled it with you. Just with you.

~~~~~

Still as dense and oblivious as ever, Leo could even see that James is literally FLIRTING with you with simple yet romantic gestures; flowers, opening the door for you, tying your shoe laces for you, carrying the heavy stuff for you.

But he convinced himself to just wait yet; days, weeks and even a month has passed, flowers bouquet of your favorite type of flowers is almost overflowing to your kitchen, vases and even in your bedroom. He is stressing badly, and yet—he’s babysitting the kids while you were out, Leo’s reading a kids book and the three kids were playing dolls and houses and tea parties.

Leo stared at him, eyes squinting as the boy tilts his head to his side, “ywour in love wit mwommy, aren’t wu?” he asked, asking the question with obvious answer, yet it seems like that Veronica is as nosy as ever and heard it, “I’M TELLING MWOMMY!” she yelled with the most mischievous grin he’d never ever seen to someone.

“shh!” James return her playfulness and picked her up to his arms as James got to his feet, “you’re not telling, mommy aren’t you?” he asked, pinching her nose, making Veronica giggle and pinch him back, “mhmm!” she thinks, pointing her index to her chin and quickly shakes her head, “no!” she said, “but, pay fwirst.” She added with a grin, making the pay me gesture again.

He sets her down, rolling his eyes as he took his wallet out and takes out a dollar, “is this enough?” he asked, giving Veronica the dollar—she grins and nodded, shrieking with excitement, “now, you’ll keep your lips sealed right?”

She nodded and off to play with Kenan and Junior again, as he watches the three kids from the distance, Leo patted your clasp hands and got under and give him a hug, “ywou don’t have to wowwy,” he assured, “I know mwommy likes you too, she pwobably just feels a wiwwle gwuilty about something.” He added, the boys eyes bore into his. Guilty about what?

Guilty for stealing him from Mary if you did.

But Mary’s gone, yet it feels wrong if you answered his silent confession, doesn’t it?

James breath hitches and nodded, knowing what it is—he planned to have an indoor movie date for today, he called the kids and share his plan with them being his wingman’s, they help him with decorating and scattering few petal flowers to the floor and Leo puts the big bowl of popcorn on the coffee table (Veronica took a few and Junior took two snacks along with the popcorn.)

He's making it more obvious, no more low-key hints and just full on saying that he likes you with the petals and romantic shits he could ever think off, the kids then called their uncle to take them away for tonight (James will probably pay for Veronica’s efforts other than just a single dollar).

A few minutes later and the kids were with their uncle, bidding farewell, Leo and Veronica eyed him with a proud glint in their eyes saying ‘good luck’ and that he’ll need it.

“ywous gives us baby?” asked Kenan before being pulled away and his mouth covered by his sister, the question echoes through his head and turned crimson from the thought. A baby is too soon, don’t it? He waits anxiously since the living room literally screams his obvious feelings towards you.

Tapping his feet, holding the bouquet in one hand. Focusing on his breathing as he dims the light, making it more intimate and more obvious since he knew you’re literally avoiding the hints or oblivious about it, and it’s starting to piss him off a little.

He didn’t check the time and it feels like almost twenty-four hours had passed when he could finally hear your keys rattle and the knob turning. He got to his feet and open the door before you, looking down at your purse as you were surprised that James opens the door so suddenly, you smiled and show him the plastic bag you’re carrying, “I bought some fried shrimp to eat for dinner.” You beam.

Noticing that inside was dim, “is the kids already asleep?” you asked, not knowing that their uncle took them out for a while to give James some alone time with you, he needed more time.

“oh yeah, put them to sleep.” He lied, stuttering as he finally opens the door wide enough for you to enter, “is this for me again?” you asked as he handed you a big bouquet of red roses, “uhm…” James took your hand and guided you to sit on the living room couch, “wanna watch a movie?” he asked, taking the remote to his hand and trying to find something that you would love.

Letting out a sigh while you inhale the scent of the roses, you knew where this was going and yet, you’ve always been afraid to answer his silent hints of confession—he is trying hard and you should give him an A for his effort, but in the back of your mind… It just feels so, so wrong.

“James, I know where this is going…” you murmur, placing your hand on top of his, giving him that same longing look that he shows you (he didn’t knew he was so obvious about his expression and couldn’t control it when it’s his feelings), you sight, taking his right hand on two of your hands—giving him warmth since his hands were so cold from his nervousness.

James’ looks over to you, opening his mouth and closing it till he finds the right words to respond, “y-you do?” he stutter, you nod in response and bring his knuckles to your lips, “yeah, but I can’t… it’s just… wrong, you know?” your brows frowned as you utter out, “what do you mean?” asked James, setting down the TV remote.

“is this about Mary?” he asked, cutting you off first before you could answer, you nod faintly as you feel bad about it, he shakes his head and scoots closer to you, “hey, it’s all right. I get it, it feels wrong for you but…” his lips thin, his hand reach out and grabs your chin to look at him, “this.. this is what Mary would want, to move on and continue living my life, to live for myself.”

Silence sets in as you couldn’t find the right words to answer him, “just…” he sighs, hands slowly wrapping around your waist and his forehead resting on top of yours, “give me a chance… please…” he whispers, his tone sincere and loving. Making you melt once you gaze into his green eyes that’s been longing to you, he wished to touch you and have you even be part of your family.

He'll beg and plead for you…

Just, give him a chance.

Please…

The tension was heavy, you let go of the breath you didn’t knew you’re holding back—he’s caging you in his arms while sitting in silence, it feels so wrong to have fallen for a man like him. Yeah, you really did fell for him. Hard.

It’s as if he’s weighting you down to your couch, his right hand around your waist while the other support the two of you sitting up, not wanting to fall and lie down completely. But that didn’t matter did it? Just in a flash, you couldn’t tell who leaned in and finally got each others lips.

Your lips was softer than he thought, his left hand quickly cup your cheek and pull you close—your lips parted as he finds his tongue devouring your lips and mouth, his hands roaming around your curves and thighs, pushing you down completely on to the couch as he’ll lose his mind completely if you keep groaning, letting out soft moans against his lips.

His hands going down to your rear and squeeze your ass, making you shudder and yelp from surprise while his lips were kissing your neck—he pulls back and looks down at you, messy yet beautiful. God, you’re going to be a death of him as he snaps from his thoughts, “sorry, I..” he swallows, “I got carried away I…”

“James.”

“yeah?”

“it’s okay.” You smiled, grabbing him by his collar and pulling him to a fierce kiss, he groans and support the back of your head with his hand while his other roams around your thigh—pulling it close to his hip. He pulls his lips away and inhale your scent, spoiling kisses to your jaw and neck as he nibbled against your flesh.

“Let’s take this to bed.” You just knew that this man will give his all to please you in bed, and that thought made you clench your legs.

He carried you to bed, gently lying you down to your back as he handles everything, taking your hand to his as he slowly kissed each one of your fingertips—muttering how much he waited for this, how you captured his heart and like an arrow shot right through his chest. How beautiful and messy you’d be when he finds his way to your heart… and to your core.

“James…” you moaned softly, he hushes you while slowly kissing his way down from your chest and to your abdomen as he slowly strips your bottom clothes away. Pants and panties, gone. He lifts your legs up to his shoulder as he strips you from your shirt and cardigan.

He chuckles and buried his face to the crook of your neck, “look at you, so pretty f’me..” he mumbled, his fingers circling around you inner thigh; slowly making his thumb to your slit, drawing circles gently to your aching numb, making you twitch and mewl, “J-James..” he loves how his name fell from your lips, drawing pressure from your numb as he lowers himself and faces your wetness.

You could feel your heart pounding but it races more when he blew air over to your core and quickly laps on your pussy without a warning, making you shriek and tense up, hips jerking as you mewl almost loudly, “a-at least w-warn me next t.. time!” your thighs squeezes his face as you felt a vibration while he apologize, “sorry.” Then chuckling, licking your slit hard, his thumb drawing circle again on your sensitive numb.

Your muscle began to tighten up as you could feel your growing release, yet he pulled away to strip himself off of his clothes—jacket then shirt, his belt and unzipping his pants.

He then pulls out a condom from his pants pocket, you squint and asked him in heavy breath, “w-where the fuck did you get that?” he grins and chuckle, “well, I uh… been saving it, just you know… in case something like this happens.” He points down to your naked body, full of sweat and his kisses.

Face turning crimson as you could definitely see that he came prepared.

He pulls down his pangs just eight around his hips, setting his hardness spring free—tearing the condoms packaging and put it on him, you watch him do his job, pulling down the condom to his length and spit on his finger to prepare you.

You hiss as he entered one of his finger, slowly maneuvering hos finger inside you—pressing and stretching you out as you hiss and mewl in response, then putting two fingers in to loosen you more, he wants to shove it inside and fucks you into oblivion but he knew you don’t deserve that, you deserve a slow and careful sex—showing his love for you and make you feel good, not pain.

“I think that should be good.” He mutter to himself, tasting his fingers knowing that you came, he grins and leans down towards you—spoiling kisses to your cheeks and neck, “take a deep breath for me, baby…” he lines himself between your thighs, slowly pushing the tip of his length to your core, stretching you real good.

“J-James!” you mewl out, letting out a sharp moan as he pushes himself deeper till he bottoms himself out. He groans and muffle himself to your neck, letting you adjust and tighten around him, “fuck baby, fuck..” he hisses, wanting to move but he’s waiting for your signal, waiting if it’s okay for him to finally move.

It took a while for you to adjust to him and tap on his broad back, “you can move..” you moan against his ear, he groans in respond as he slowly pulls out and pushes back in—ravaging you deep and slow, taking his own sweet time; hearing you moan his name right beside his ear, your tone pitchy and high, pleading and calling out to him.

What once was slow started to move with desperation and urgency, his thrust became more pressing—he mutter praises right beside your ear while you were already screaming and moaning out loud, “that’s it, baby. Scream it all out…” he mutter, his fingers dig to your hips—pressing you down as he almost pulled out all the way till he slammed it all inside again, making you shriek and tear up.

He hugs you, kissing your shoulders as you desperately clung to him, his hips snapping harshly at your core—the condom feels too tight and yet he wouldn’t remove it, and if it breaks… It breaks, doesn’t matter—he’ll take good care of you, treat you like a queen and do all the chores if he accidentally rip and shoots his load in.

“James!” you whine, a tight coil feeling on your stomach as you have your eyes close, your walls tighten as you scar his back with your nails, he snaps and gives you a few harsh thrust before exploding his load and you get to feel your own peak, and good news. The condom didn’t break.

He grinds his hips, still spilling his load—letting out a small whimper from your lips as he does so, he collapse on top of you while he held you by the waist. He pulls out and skillfully tied the condom and shoots it to the trash bin, “you all right?” he asked, seeing that he tired you out.

He sighs, cupping your cheek and brushing a tear off from the corner of your eye, “did I…” he stops as you shake your head, “n-no… it’s okay…” you assured, nuzzling close to him. Your tired tear shed eyes bore into him, giving him a kiss to his eyelid as you lovingly confessed.

“James?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you so, so much.”

He smiles, covering the two of your bodies under the sheet—holding you close and tight as if afraid to lose you, “I won’t be going anywhere,” you assured him, kissing his forehead goodnight. He tired you out and sex makes it easy for you to close your eyes and fall asleep.

Watching you sleep so vulnerable beside him, he snuggles (trying to be the little spoon), as he buried his face to your neck and let out a sigh, “I love you too.” He murmur, a tear fell from the corner of his eye as he finally let his consciousness fade into a deep slumber.

Maybe it was all thanks to her, he gets to have another chance and another love.

Ones once lost and finds acceptance, yet not only did one found acceptance, he also found a home and love.

Lost… Acceptance… And he found love again.

#james sunderland x reader #james sunderland #James Sunderland smut #James Sunderland x reader smut #slow burn #silent hill #silent hill 2 #James Sunderland imagine

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tinydefector · 25 days ago

Text

Learning How v11

Bob reynolds x Trans male reader

Author notes: I like spent 10 minutes making a void for this XD

Warnings: Classic thunderbolts warning.

Word count 3.8k

Masterlist

-------------------

Bob felt much better today, after sitting in the shower last night for nearly half an hour with Void today he felt lighter, motivated. He had a quick shower this morning washing his hair and brushing his teeth. It had been a mental win for him when he looked himself over in the foggy mirror.

He then brushed his hair, applied deodorant and took a moment to really let it settle in. He had done it, one of the things he struggled with a lot. The next thing he had done was strip his bed down and put new sheets on. It had been nearly 3 weeks since he asked if Yelena could help him with it because he just couldn't get past the mental block of changing his bed.

He didn't sit still long after that wanting to try and get as much done as he could while he had the energy. Carrying the sheets and laundry he had to wash it, he had sat on top of the washing machine while it cycled, it was peaceful not having the feeling of observed while he worked.

Once it had finished he threw his clothes into the dry and turned it on and headed back up three floors to where the makeshift kitchen is. And that's how he found himself washing dishes by hand instead of using the dishwasher. The faint sound of running water and clinking dishes echo off the walls. As he methodically scrubbed plates and glasses. His movements were deliberate, almost meditative, as if each dish washed was another step forward. Today had already been a decent day for him, and that was saying something.

Something that would have seemed impossible just a week ago. Bob didn’t allow himself to revel in the progress, though. It was a fragile thing, and he knew better than to draw too much attention to himself, even internally. He just kept scrubbing.

The others were doing their best to give him space. John was currently sitting at the dining table reading through the newspaper, occasionally looking up and watching the group with a quiet intensity. He had been the one to specifically warn them not to make any comments about Bob doing the dishes or any chore. “Let him have this,” John had said firmly. “Don’t ruin his stride. This is hard enough for him normally don't make a big deal out of it”

Ava sat cross-legged on the couch, correcting Alexei with his cross word he had stolen out of the newspaper. Yelena, on the other hand, was practically vibrating with excitement as she laid on the floor with CC her guinea pig laying on her chest. She peaked from her spot, occasionally glancing dramatically at the door. “I can’t believe Bucky and Y/N aren’t here to see this!” she whispered, her voice carrying despite her attempt to be quiet. “This is like... a nine-scale day for him! Maybe even a nine-and-a-half!”

“Yelena,” Alexei muttered from his spot in the armchair, not looking up from the cross word he was half heartedly working on. “ voice down. You’re going to make him self-conscious.”

John gave them all a sharp look, and she immediately mimed zipping her lips shut. But even then, she couldn’t stop fidgeting, her excitement bubbling over. Ava chuckled softly at that, but quickly covered her mouth when John shot her a warning glance. Bob didn’t seem to notice the quiet exchange behind him. He just kept scrubbing. The rhythmic sound of the water running and the soft clink of dishes was oddly soothing.

For Bob, the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It was... nice. He was thankful no one had said anything to him about what he was doing. If they had, if they’d even made a passing comment about how great it was to see him doing the dishes, he might have shut down completely. It happened all the time when he was a kid. Trying to keep his head down, doing chores, only to get picked on for it. He didn’t need that now. Not when he was finally starting to feel like he could breathe again.

Yelena wasn’t the only one who noticed how rare this moment was. Even Alexei, who rarely got emotional about anything, was quietly impressed. “You know,” he said in a low voice, mostly to himself, “this is good. This is really good.”

John nodded, his gaze still fixed on Bob. “Yeah,” he said softly. “It is. Let’s just make sure it stays that way.”

The group fell into a companionable silence after that, each of them doing their best to keep themselves busy. For once, the air in the Watchtower felt lighter. And Bob, though he didn’t show it, felt a small flicker of pride as he placed the last clean plate on the drying rack. It wasn’t much. But for him, it was everything.

The sound of the door opening broke the relative quiet of the Watchtower. Y/N and Bucky stepped inside, their voices carrying before they even made it to the dining room.

“Yea, and you’re the dumbass who nearly got half his hair burnt off back then, the hair cut after you came back from Wakanda was the best thing that happened to you!” Y/N exclaimed, his tone a mix of teasing and exasperation. He shifted the shopping bags in his arms as shooting a sharp look at Bucky. “I told you to tie it up in a ponytail or a bun, but nooooo, don’t listen to Y/N. And you wonder why Sam works with Joaquin now.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, his own bags clinking softly as he set them down on the table. “Oh, give me a break,” he shot back, his voice laced with mock irritation. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“Not that bad?!” Y/N barked out a laugh, dropping the bags onto the table with a dramatic huff. “Your hair looked like a toasted marshmallow, Buck! There’s a reason Sam’s sister liked you better with short hair.”

“Don’t bring Sarah into this,” Bucky grumbled, pointing a finger at him like it was a mortal offense. “Meanwhile, I’m the one who had to smell burnt hair for the rest of the mission. So next time you want to bring up touching light bulbs, remember your dumbshit.”

The rest of the team, who had been quietly minding their own business just moments ago, now found themselves frozen in place, watching the scene unfold like it was the most entertaining thing they’d seen all day.

Yelena, who had been pacing earlier, stopped mid-step and leaned against the back of the couch, a wide grin spreading across her face. She glanced at Alexei, his expression a mix of confusion and amusement. Ava’s eyes dart back and forth between Y/N and Bucky like she was watching a tennis match.

“Are they... are they bickering like children?” Alexei murmured.

“Absolutely,” Yelena whispered back, her eyes sparkling with delight.

John, who had been quietly observing from his spot against the wall, let out a soft chuckle. “Let them go at it,” he said under his breath. “It’s harmless. And i'm not the one in the firing line”

Bob, still standing by the sink, had paused wiping his hands on a tea towel to glance over his shoulder at the commotion. He couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his face. Watching Y/N and Bucky squabble so casually, so comfortably, made something warm settle in his chest. It wasn’t just funny, it was comforting. Y/N seemed so at ease, and Bucky, despite his usual gruffness, was clearly enjoying himself too, even if he wouldn’t admit it.

“Don’t act like you’re innocent in this,” Bucky said, pointing a finger at Y/N. “You’re the one who thought it’d be a brilliant idea to take a shortcut through the building with the gas leak.”

“Oh, so now you’re blaming me?” Y/N shot back, crossing their arms and cocking an eyebrow. “You’re the one who said, and I quote, ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ You jinxed us, Barnes!”

“I did not!” Bucky countered, his voice rising slightly as he stepped closer to Y/N. As if he had a point to prove only for Y/n to clap back.

Y/N delivered the verbal blow with the precision of a master combatant.

“I can’t believe you fumbled three baddies in your lifetime,” Y/N said to Bucky with mock disbelief. “First Steve, then Sam, and Sarah. I bet you could fumble John as a rival, too.”

“Hey the fuck?!?” John shouts looking flabbergasted over being brought into this argument.

A beat of stunned silence hung in the air before Ava let out a howling laugh, nearly falling off the couch as she doubled over. “Oh my God!” she gasped between fits of laughter. “Going for the Throat L/n?” She called out while trying to stifle her laughter.

Yelena’s jaw dropped. “Wait, wait, wait! Back up! Bucky fumbled Steve?!” she exclaimed, practically throwing herself across the coffee table to get closer to the conversation. “How? When? Why didn’t I know about this?, you claimed you were only Battle buddies!”

Alexei, who had been busy dissecting Y/N and Bucky’s earlier bickering like a soap opera, leaned back in his chair with an amused smirk. “Winter soldier, what kind of mess are you hiding?”

Bucky groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as the group descended into chaos. “That’s a low blow, Y/N,” he muttered, his tone a mix of exasperation and reluctant admiration for his sheer audacity.

Y/N didn’t miss a beat, flashing Bucky a cheeky smile. “I fight dirty,” he said with a shrug. “Thought you knew that already after the boiler and generator. Super soldier, my ass, Grandpa.”

That earned another round of laughter from the team. Ava wiped a tear from her eye, barely able to speak through her giggles. “Oh, he got you! good, bloody hell. Maybe we should unless Y/n on Valantina ”

Yelena looked like she was about to combust with excitement. “Okay, okay, you have to explain the Steve thing now. Like, was this before or after the ice!?”

“Yelena,” Bucky growled, his face a shade of red that only made the others laugh harder. “Drop it.”

“Absolutely not!” she shot back, practically bouncing in her seat. “This is the most interesting thing I’ve heard outside of Bob explaining to me how to play Skyrim”

Even John, who normally avoided getting dragged into the team’s antics, couldn’t suppress a chuckle. “You walked into that one, Barnes,” he said, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Sarah, huh? Bold. Didn't think you had a thing for Sam's sister”

“ Shut your fucking Mouth, Don’t encourage them!” Bucky snapped, glaring at John, who just shrugged, storing that information away for if he ever ran into Sam Wilson again.

Bob, still standing at the sink, was utterly floored by the entire exchange. He had never seen Y/N this snarky before. Sure, he'd always been confident and quick-witted, but this level of sass? It was a whole new side of this man. And the fact that Bucky, gruff, stoic ex winter soldier was letting him get away with it was even more shocking.

“I can’t believe this is what I came back to,” Bucky muttered, shaking his head as he pulled a chair out and slumped into it. “I leave for five minutes, and suddenly, I’m everyone’s favorite punching bag because of you.” he grumbles shooting Y/n a death glare.

“Oh, come on, Buck,” Y/N said with a grin, sliding into the seat next to him. “You know I only pick on you because Sam isn't here to do it himself because he's still pissed at you.”

“That’s the same excuse Sam uses,when you were pissed at me” Bucky huffs, though the corner of his mouth twitched upward, betraying the hint of a smile.

“See? Told you. Fumbled four baddies,” Y/N teased, holding up four fingers for emphasis. “Steve, Sam, Sarah, and now me. Damn soldier can't pick up chick or dicks to save your life”

That sent Yelena into a fit of laughter, and even Ava had to clutch her sides as she gasped for air. Alexei, who had been quietly sipping on a cup of chai and yegar, raised it in a mock toast.

Bucky groaned again, as he walls off leaving the group to their own devices. Y/N began unpacking the groceries. He barely looked up as he tossed items across the room. “John!” Y/N called, grabbing a large tub of protein powder from one of the bags and lobbing it in his direction. “I got that god-awful protein powder you somehow live off of. Seriously, how do you drink this stuff? It smells like chalk and regret!”

John caught it midair with ease, smirking. “It’s called discipline, Y/N. You should try it sometime.”

“Discipline?” Y/N snorted, shaking his head as he rummaged through the next bag. “More like a death wish. I'd rather eat Bicarb soda”

“Lena!” he called out next, pulling out a small pack of treats and a bag of pellets. “I got food for CC—stuff for guinea pigs, right? Unless she’s developed a taste for filet mignon while we were gone.”

Yelena’s eyes lit up as she darted over to grab the supplies while carrying CC with her, practically bouncing on her feet. “You’re the best, Y/N!” she beamed, holding up the bag like it was a trophy. “CC will be so happy. She was starting to give me the side-eye every time I walked past her cage without snacks. I'm surprised she hasn't figured her way to the fruit bowl yet ” she opens the packet and pulls a treat out for her guinea pig.

Y/N pulls out another item and tosses it toward Ava, who caught it with a raised eyebrow.

“What’s this?” Ava asked, holding up a bag of sour candy.

“Your ‘I pretend I don’t eat junk food but secretly do’ stash,” Y/N replied with a knowing smirk.

Ava rolled her eyes but grinned as she leaned back on the couch. “You know me too well.”

“Alexei!” Y/N shouted, pulling out a six-pack of beer and chucking it toward him. “For all the hard work you’ve been doing... or pretending to do.”

Alexei caught the pack with a hearty laugh, standing up to set it on the table. “Pretending, eh? You’ve clearly been gone too long if you’ve forgotten who keeps this team together.”

“Oh, please,” Y/N shot back. “The only thing you’ve been keeping together is that suit barely.”

Alexei held up a finger like he was about to argue.

Y/N turned back to the bags, pulling out random items and muttering to himself. “Let’s see... snacks, freezer, cupboard and Fridge, more snacks... oh, Bob, I got you some of those ice creams you like.”

Bob, who had been quietly observing from his spot by the sink, looked up in surprise. “Oh, uh, thanks,” he said, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He wasn’t used to people thinking about him like that, and it warmed him more than he expected.

Y/n stood by the counter, fiddling with something small in his hands. Bob glanced over, curious, but didn’t say anything. Y/n finally walked over, holding something tiny and shiny between his fingers. Before Bob could ask, Y/n leaned in and pressed it gently onto the tip of his nose.

Bob blinked, startled, his hand instinctively reaching up to touch his face. “What… what are you doing?” he asked, his voice low and confused.

“Hold on,” Y/n said with a grin, stepping back. “Just look.”

Bob frowned but turned his head, catching his reflection in the nearby window. There, stuck on the tip of his nose, was a tiny gold star sticker. He stared at it for a moment, his brow furrowing in confusion.

“What is this?” Bob asked, plucking the sticker off and holding it between his fingers. The small, shiny gold star felt oddly familiar, like an echo from another time.

“I got gold star stickers,” Y/n explained with a mischievous smile. “Think of them as, like, positive reinforcement. I’m gonna randomly give them to you.”

The words hit Bob harder than he expected, the memory of being a little kid flashing through his mind. Back then, gold stars had been rare, something he only got in school when he managed to do something right, when he managed to be good for just a little while. They had meant everything to him then. And now…

Y/n’s voice pulled him back to the present. “I’m also really proud of you,” they said softly, their tone sincere. “I know how hard it is to do the dishes.”

“He did other things too!” Yelena calls out, making Y/n turn to look at her. “ he had a shower, brushed his hair and teeth, made his bed, did laundry along with the dishes!” She says with a wide smile.

Bob blinked again, caught off guard, as Y/n leaned in and stuck another gold star on his cheek. He reached up to touch it, his fingers brushing over the shiny surface. “And for brushing your hair and teeth,” Y/n added, pressing two more stars onto his opposite cheek, his smile soft and warm.

Bob couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped him, a mix of disbelief and something lighter, something that almost felt like joy. “You’re seriously giving me stickers for basic hygiene?”

“Absolutely,” Y/n said with a playful nod, his eyes twinkling. “You deserve recognition for the little victories. They’re not as little as you think.”

Bob shook his head, but there was a faint smile tugging at his lips now. He didn’t pull the stickers off. Not yet.

“For laundry and dishes,” Y/n continued, sticking two more stars onto his face, one on his temple and one near his jaw. They stepped back to admire their handiwork. Bob reached up, his fingers brushing over the stickers as he looked at Y/n. The warmth in his smile, the light in his eyes. It wasn't a pity. It wasn’t condescension. It was genuine. It was kindness, such a simple little thing.

“Why are you doing this?” Bob asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Y/n tilted his head, expression softening further. “Because I’m proud of you, Because I know how hard it is to do those things when everything feels heavy. And because you deserve to feel good about yourself, Bob. Even for the little things.”

Bob’s chest tightened, a lump forming in his throat. He wanted to argue, to push back, to tell Y/n he was wasting his time. But he couldn’t. Not when he was looking at Bob like that, like he was worth something. “…Thanks,” Bob said softly, his voice cracking just slightly.

Y/n smiled wider, stepping closer and reaching up to adjust one of the stars on his cheek. “No problem. Just don’t forget, You’re doing better than you think.” Y/n boops his nose with a soft laugh.

Bob looked down at the small sticker still in his hand, the shiny gold surface catching the light. For the first time in a long time, he felt… okay. Not perfect, not fixed, but okay. Bob opened his mouth to say something, but the words caught in his throat as he glanced over, catching his reflection again in the nearby window. For a split second, the air seemed to freeze around him. It wasn’t him staring back this time.

It was The Void.

The dark shadow stared back through the glass, its form as unsettling and hollow as always. But something was… different. The little gold stars, the same ones Y/n had placed on Bob’s face, now shimmered on Void’s reflection too. One on its nose, two on a cheek, another near its temple, a two scattered across its shadowed jawline.

The Void blinked in the reflection, its black, bottomless eyes widening slightly. It didn’t move, didn’t speak. For the first time, it looked… surprised. Almost confused.

Bob turned his head slightly, glancing back toward Y/n, who was fiddling with something in the kitchen. He was humming softly, completely unaware of the strange, quiet moment unfolding behind them. Bob’s gaze flicked back to the reflection, his chest tightening as he studied Void.

The stars made it look… different. Less hollow. Less monstrous. They softened the sharp, jagged edges of its form, casting tiny glimmers of light against the darkness. It was still The Void, still that oppressive, inescapable part of him, but the stars made it feel less like a shadow and more like… a person.

The Void tilted its head slightly, its expression unreadable, but Bob could see the faintest flicker of something in its dark eyes. Not anger. Not annoyance. Something softer. Something almost… human. For a moment, Bob wasn’t sure what to say.. But then, softly, carefully, he whispered, “They’re on you too.”

The Void’s gaze shifted in the reflection, as though it were looking at its own hands. It didn’t speak, but its form flickered slightly, as if struggling to process what it was seeing. The little gold stars, bright and simple, didn’t belong on something like it. And yet… they were there, and they didn’t feel wrong. If anything, they felt strangely grounding.

The Void’s eyes snapped back to meet Bob’s in the reflection, its expression hard to read. For a moment, Bob thought it might lash out. But instead, The Void simply stared, silent and still. It didn’t argue. It didn’t push back. It just… observed.

Y/n’s voice broke the moment, light and cheerful. “Alright, lunch will be ready in about 20 minutes,” he calls out to everyone, wiping his hands on a tea towel. His eyes lit up when they looked at Bob. “The stars suit you, by the way. I think they bring out your eyes.”

Bob blinked, startled, and instinctively touched his cheek where one of the stars rested. He glanced back at the reflection again, but The Void was gone, and it was just him staring back now. The stars were still there, glinting softly in the light.

He turned back toward Y/n, his voice soft but steady. “Thanks… for this.”

Y/n waved him off with a warm smile, their tone light but sincere. “Hey, it’s no big deal. Just a few stars, I thought you might like them”

Bob didn’t respond right away. He thought about The Void, about the way it had looked in the reflection with the stars on its face. It wasn’t just a few stars. It was something more. Something he couldn’t quite put into words yet.

“Yeah,” Bob finally said, his voice quiet. “Just a few stars.”

But as he moved to sit down beside Yelena, feeling the warmth of Y/n’s presence, he realized those little golden stickers might have been the smallest and yet most important thing anyone had ever done for them. For both of them.

Let me know if you'd like to be added to a tag list for Bob reynolds.

#bob reynolds thunderbolts #bob thunderbolts #thunderbolts*#thunderbolts mcu #thunderbolts #thunderbolts void #thunderbolts bob #bob reynolds x reader #bob reynolds #bob reynolds x y/n #bob reynolds x male reader #bob reynolds x you #the void x reader #the void marvel #the void #void

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phantompanties · 10 months ago

Text

🔞MINORS DNI🔞

Body Art

Relationships: incubus oc (Lucius) x chubby!fem!reader

Summary: this is a self indulgant work because I'm a girl thats a little on the chunkier side and I've suffered body dysmorphia my whole life. I hope other chubby girlies can feel comforted by this work like how it comforts me. Also this is based off that drawing I did of the chubby reader in the lingerie this is what I said i was cooking lol

Tags: mentions of toys, body writing, comfort, mentions of body dysmorphia, oral sex, vaginal sex, body art, lingerie, switch dynamics, creampie, soft ooey gooey sweetness, laughter during sex, lucius being a huge goof

Length: 3.3k words

You stirred awake from the late morning sun shining through your window, and when you woke up, you noticed quickly that Lucius wasn’t there in your face or by your side like usual. It wasn’t uncommon, sometimes you woke up and he was in another room doing chores or making a silly art piece out of popsicle sticks and a deck of cards, but when you went to look for him, he wasn’t home at all. He didn’t carry a phone, so you couldn’t call him to ask where he was. Your question was answered when you found a little note stuck to the fridge with a heart-shaped magnet. It read: “Good morning, my love! I hope you slept well. I went out grocery shopping since we’re running low on some things. I’ll be home soon! XOXO your Lucius

Ps, I’m going to buy a few gifts for the both of us as well. I hope you’ll like what I bring home =;)”

You snorted, admiring the way he drew his little smiley faces with his horns. He was such a goof. You decided to make yourself some tea and sit on the couch for when he returns.

Around half an hour later, the lock of your front door clicked open, and in ducked your boyfriend in his human disguise, carrying tons of bags in one trip. His teal eyes lit up at the sight of you sitting on the sofa and he grinned wide. “Darling! You’re awake! How was your sleep?”

You put your cup down and came over to greet him. “Hi, Luci.” you stood up on your toes and he bent down for a kiss. “I slept fine. Are these all the bags?”

“Yep. I got everything on the list and a few extra things. Oh! And our presents.” he says the last part with a sing-song voice and holds up a pretty sizable black bag.

“Ooh, it’s heavy,” you say, weighing the bag in your hands. “What’d you get?”

“Patience, darling,” he says, putting all of the bags on the floor. “Let’s get all of this in the kitchen before we go through our spoils.”

You giggled. “Okay.”

After putting all of the groceries away, Lucius, now in his true form, excitedly led you to the living room with the black bag.

“Okay, so, context… you know when you said you wished you had some more toys the other night?”

“Is this whole bag filled with sex toys?” you ask, mouth agape.

“Yes! I picked out things especially for both you and me to use together!” he says with practically heart-shaped eyes. I got all of that and something extra special for you! Open it up!”

You pulled the bag closer to you, opening it up and pulling things out one by one. There was a small selection of dildos varying from reasonably sized to downright monstrous—he assured you that those were mostly for him unless you wanted to work towards using them one day—a couple of vibrating plugs, a rabbit vibrator—to which he said “the best for my bunny”—fuzzy handcuffs, a heart-shaped spanking paddle, a hank of black silk rope, a multi-coloured pack of skin safe graffiti markers for body writing, and most surprisingly, a strap-on. You blushed at this. “A strap?” you asked him.

“I did say I bought things for both of us.” he giggles, kissing your cheek.

You giggled, flustered. “O-oh, okay… gosh, so many new things to try…”

“And that’s not even the best part!” Lucius exclaims, looking like he was so excited he could explode. He pulled out a sleek box from a bag, handing it to you like it was Christmas morning.

You opened the box and gasped at what dwelled inside. It was a set of leather lingerie adorned with a zipper on the bra and the crotch of the panties with lace along the trim of both, leather thigh garters, and to top it off, a black leather collar with a big metal ring attached.

Lucius looked like hearts could pop out of his head. “Do you like it? When I saw it I immediately thought of how adorable you’d look! I might be biased because of my love of leather, but ahh, I can’t help it!”

“It’s beautiful Lucius, thank you…” you say, holding up the bra.

“My favourite part are the zippers.” he giggles, hugging you and swaying side to side. “It means I can ravage you without needing to take anything off! They’re so perfect…”

You flushed at the sinful thought of him unzipping the panties and taking you with them still on.

“Darling…” Lucius purrs.

“What?” you ask.

Lucius gave his best set of puppy eyes, clasping his hands to beg. “I really want to see you wearing them… pretty please? I’ll do whatever you want for a whole year…”

You snorted. “You don’t have to beg so much for that, Lucius, you goof. I’ll go change right now.”

The way the demon’s eyes lit up in such childlike joy made you wonder if he was suddenly ascending to heaven. You kissed him, called him a goober and took the box to your bedroom so you could do a grand reveal.

Once you had the door closed, you put the box on the bed and stripped. Once nude, you slipped on the panties, hooked on the thigh garters and their straps, then fitted your arms in the arm holes of the bra, zipping it up. Finally, you put the collar on, adjusting the big metal ring in front. At this point, you knew you were supposed to feel cute, but you couldn’t help but feel a little too exposed. Like, yeah, it’s lingerie, it’s supposed to be revealing… but the way it hugged your hips and squished your love handles felt… weird.

You looked into your tall mirror, trying to pinpoint where you felt wrong. Your eyes immediately went down to your belly and you frowned. To you, it looked like a busted can of biscuit dough spilling from a leather case. You pinched at the pudge that was being squished by the tight garment, lip wobbling as you felt so wrong. Your thighs in their garters looked like they were being squeezed to death, even though they weren’t that tight, and you couldn’t help but think the collar did nothing more than highlight the fat on your face. Your face fell when you realized that you hated how you looked in this garment and it made you feel terrible because Lucius was so excited…

A knock on the door jolted you from your thoughts. “Darling, are you alright in there? Are you having trouble putting it on? I can help you!” he says with that teasing lilt. You couldn’t help the sad whimper that escaped your lips, and Lucius’s voice immediately softened. “Darling? Can I come in?”

“Y-yeah…” you sniff, trying to hold in the tears.

When Lucius opened the door, he gasped, his face immediately erupting in a blue blush. “Oh, Asmodeus… you’re so-!”

“Hideous…” you finished for him.

He stopped in his tracks, eyebrows furrowing in worry. “What? No, sweetheart… I was going to say gorgeous! What’s wrong, my love? Do you not like the set?”

“N-no they’re fine… I just… I don’t like how I look… wearing them…” you mutter, looking back at your reflection.

“Oh, darling, darling, darling…” he says, walking over to you and wrapping his long arms around you. “I think you look fantastic… I’m practically salivating over here! What’s the matter?”

“Don’t I look too… big?” you ask.

“Oh, my love, don’t say things like that!” He says, gently grasping your chin and having you look at him. “You’re perfectly fine the way you are! You look so damn delicious that I’m going crazy trying to hold myself back!”

“Are you sure…?” you mumble.

“I’m one thousand percent sure. And if you’re having trouble seeing what I see from my words, then I’ll just have to show you through actions.”

Lucius’s pierced lips ghosted over yours as his large fingers intertwined with yours. “May I kiss you, darling? May I show you how beautiful you are to me?”

“Yes…” you breathed.

Lucius closed the gap, kissing you sweetly and passionately as his hands roamed down your creamy skin. His blue tongue invaded your mouth, and you sighed as one of his roaming hands groped your leather-bound breast. Gently, he guided you to your shared bed, laying you down and leaning on top of you.

“My beautiful, soft master…” he sighed, still groping your breast and kissing your neck. “So sweet and wonderful to cuddle… like a sweet teddy bear…”

You bit your lip as Lucius unzipped your bra, revealing one of your nipples, licking around it and popping it into his mouth. You moaned as he softly tugged the hardening bud between his teeth and he grinned. “Does that feel good, bunny?”

“Y-yeah…” you sigh.

“Mmmh… good… I love it when you feel good… so delicious…” Lucius revealed your other nipple, giving it the same amount of attention. “Oh, so sensitive… I love your soft chest, bunny… it makes such a nice pillow…”

His fingers trailed up and down your skin. “You’d look so good with tattoos like mine, darling… I’d trace them all day long…”

Lucius suddenly looked like a lightbulb went off in his mind. “One moment. Sorry, darling. I’ll be right back.” he gave you a quick kiss on the lips, rushing out of the bedroom, then right back in holding the pack of graffiti markers he’d purchased. “This is perfect!” he exclaims, rejoining you on the bed.

“Are you gonna draw tattoos on me?” you ask, watching him carefully open the plastic packaging.

“Better.” he giggles. “I’m gonna write everything I love about you all over you. Don’t worry, it’s washable.”

You smiled as he showed you the selection. “What colour would you like, darling? We have… magenta, dark red, black, dark blue, and purple. I'm partial to the blue, personally, but the purple doesn’t look bad either…”

“I like the purple,” you say, picking it out of the package.

“Yeah, purple? Good choice, darling… purple will look so good on you.”

Lucius put the rest of the markers aside, plucking the purple one from your fingers and undoing the cap.

“Let’s see here… where to start…” he says, giggling with anticipation.

Lucius started with your breasts, writing “soft” on one, and “squishy” on the other. His eyes lit up with joy as he fully unzipped your bra, opening it to reveal them fully, he then took the marker and drew hearts around your nipples. “I once knew a succubus with heart tattoos like this on her boobs. Honestly, it’s so cute. We should get you permanent ones.”

“On my nipples? That’d hurt so bad,” you say.

“Oh, true.” Lucius giggles. “Your nipples are so sensitive after all… maybe it’s better to stick with temporary.”

Lucius moved up onto your chest, drawing a heart organ over where your real heart would be located. Over it, he wrote: “The sweetest of hearts.”

“I didn’t know you were an artist,” you say as you look down at it.

“I’ve had plenty of years to practice.” he winks.

Moving down, he wrote “Cutie pie” on your tummy, along with “so huggable” and “gorgeous” with many hearts around them. He traced your love handles, writing “handle” on the left and “bars” on the right. You snorted as he wiggled his eyebrows at you. When he got to your womb area, he tapped the end of the marker to his lips, trying to think of something good to write. He eventually had an idea, writing something surrounded by hearts with an arrow underneath pointing to your pussy. It took a second to read it upside-down, but when you realized, you looked up at him incredulously. “Lucius’s love tunnel???” you question, laughing.

“I was hoping you’d laugh,” he says, swooning. “I love your laugh so much, darling.”

You flushed as he spread your plump thighs and licked his lips. “Oh, you have no idea how tantalizing the thought of unzipping these panties and shoving my face in there is… but no, I must write more.”

You whined. “But I want you to shove your face in there…”

“Patience, darling… I have more messages to decorate your skin.”

On both of your inner thighs, Lucius wrote “Place ears here”. Around the garters, he drew hearts and wrote “Biteable” and “so soft”.

“I can sense you’re aroused, bunny. Are my messages making you feel good? Asmodeus, you look so beautiful with markings… I’m drooling…”

“Lucius…” you whine. “I need you…”

“Just one more, my love, and I’ll give you everything you want and more.” His demonic eyes looked around for a large blank space for this last message, choosing one around your shoulder to write a big “I love you” with a bunch of hearts. You melted at this and you looked up at him with your sweet eyes. “I love you too Lucius… now take me already!”

Lucius capped the marker, throwing it to some corner of the room. “As you wish, master.” he purrs, he kisses down from your neck to your breasts, to your tummy—taking extra care to kiss and nibble there— then finally, FINALLY reaching your panties, unzipping the garment with his teeth and spreading your legs wide. He licked his now purple-smudged lips and dove in. You sobbed into the air, grabbing his horns as he licked, slurped, and sucked on your delicious clit. His tattoos glowed brightly as he siphoned that sweet lust from you, moaning and whining into your pussy. He slipped that long, pierced tongue into your drooling hole, flicking it and curling his prehensile muscle like a tentacle as he looked up into your watery eyes. Fuck, the view of you watching him eat your pussy made him throb, and he ground his bulge into the bed to soothe the ache of his cock. You bucked your hips and wailed. Fuck he felt so goddamn good. You couldn’t take much longer. When he licked a long stripe up your folds and kissed your clit, you came hard, and he rushed to lick up that sweet sweet nectar. He withdrew his long tongue into his mouth, groaning and biting his lip. “Oh, my love… my sweet girl… your love tunnel tastes so good…”

You snorted, playfully smacking his chest. “Don’t call it that! You’re so embarrassing!”

“Aww come on, you love it! You’re laughing!”

The two of you giggled, and he crawled back up to kiss you. The two of you made out for a moment before you pulled off and looked him in his eyes. “I wanna suck it,” you say, grinning.

“Oh? Isn’t this supposed to be me making you feel good?” he teases.

“Pleeeeaaase?” you whine. I want it so bad…”

Lucius giggled as he pecked your lips. “Who am I to deny my master what she wants?”

Lucius moved off of you so you could move, and you both swapped positions so he leaned against the headboard. You started at his lips, kissing them sweetly and passionately. Slowly, you moved down, kissing his neck and chest, tracing his tattoos with your tongue. You went over to one of his pierced nipples, licking and kissing the pert bud. Lucius sighed, intertwining your fingers. “You make me crazy, darling… mmf…”

You smirked as you continued to kiss and lick down, unzipping his jeans and letting his cock spring free. Lucius aided you in taking his pants off, and you took his hard cock in your hand, stroking it up and down slowly. “Fuck, you’re so hard…” you say, admiring the blue tip that wept with precum. “You must be aching…”

“Mmmhn… I am, darling… fuck, the way you stroke me like that is so nice…”

“Yeah? Do you like it when I do this?” you as softly as you run your thumb along his sensitive tip. The demon shuddered. “Mmngh… yes, sweetheart…” he rolled his head back. “I love your soft hands…”

You dipped your head and gave him a nice long lick up the underside of his shaft, paying special attention to his piercings. Sweet lord the whine and full-body shiver that left this man could’ve made you cum on the spot. You swirled your tongue around his tip, getting it nice and wet. Bit by bit you began to work it into your mouth, getting it as far as you could fit without gagging. The amount you couldn’t fit you stroked in your hands as you worked the shaft up and down, up and down. You breathed through your nose, making sure to run your tongue over his most sensitive spots while you took his cock in your mouth.

“Ahhh… oh, fuck, darling… fuck…!” Lucius whines. “S-so good! You’re so good at sucking my cock! Unnh… I’m gonna cum… I’m gonna cum, darling…!”

At this, you pulled him out of your throat, squeezing at the base. He sobbed at the loss of that delicious stimulation. “Master…!”

“Not yet, Luci.” you giggle. “I want you to cum inside me.”

Lucius licked his lips, grinning wide. “Oh, in that case… I’d be happy to. Come, bunny, let me lie down flat.”

You got up off the bed, letting Lucius lie down on his back. He patted his lap. “Come here, darling, lie on top of me. I’ll take care of you.”

You crawled on top of Lucius, lying on your back across his tall body. He raised your hips with his clawed hands, rubbing his length up and down your drooling pussy. “Did sucking my cock make you this wet? Oh, darling…”

“Mmnnh… Lucius… fuck me…” you begged.

Lucius lined up with your hole, shoving it in easily with how wet you were. You whined as Lucius grunted from how fucking DELICIOUS it was to have your gummy walls squeezing his cock. “Oh fuck, bunny… mmnghh… that’s good… so fucking tight on me… good girl… such a good girl…” he moaned, kissing your neck as he began thrusting up into your pussy and roaming his hands across your body.

“Luciuuuuss!” you sobbed. “God, yes, Lucius…! I love you…!”

“Nnh… I love you too darling, fuck… Asmodeus, your pussy is sucking me in… it feels so so so fucking good, baby… nnh… say something for me, baby… say you’re beautiful…”

“I-I’m beautiful…!” you gasped. Lucius pulled the ring on your collar as he thrust harder. “Good girl… now say you’re perfect the way you are…”

“I’m… p-perfect the way I am… nngh!”

“Fffucckkkk… so good, bunny… I can feel you tightening on me… do you like it when I tell you how much you mean to me? Do you like it when I have you say how beautiful you are? Fuck, yes you do, darling… you can’t hide it from me… you’re so close… let me help you with that…”

You sobbed as Lucius’s deft fingers rubbed your clit in tight circles, mewling as his pierced cock hit you in all the right places as he fucked into you and kissed your cervix. “Come on… cum… cum for me… cum on my fucking cock… say you’re beautiful as you cream on me, bunny…”

“Ahh… annh… fuck!!!” you sobbed. “I’m beautiful! I’m so beautiful, FUCK!” you wailed as the tension snapped.

Lucius whined as your walls fluttered and gushed on his cock, and he gave one last deep thrust before he painted your insides white with his cum.

The two of you panted heavily as you rested on each other, basking in the afterglow. Lucius chuckled as he kissed your shoulder. “So… do you feel better, my love?”

“Yeah…” you sigh. “I feel much better…”

“Good.” he giggles, peppering your neck in kisses. “I’m so happy when you’re happy, darling.”

#incubus x reader #oc x reader #incubus oc #lucius x reader #lucius the incubus #monster fucker #smut #monster lover #chubby reader

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dazedantics · 6 months ago

Text

Rollo neatly stacked his bunch of papers, sitting ever so properly at his large oak desk. The fireplace crackled warmly from across the room, providing the only other light save for the decorative lamp on his desk. The astral patterns on the vintage lampshade casted faint images across the walls. It was a very cozy feel overall. But the man behind the desk didn't seem to care about that fact.

"I'd rather we didn't have all these festivities, but it is tradition and the people have come to grow attached to it." He said in response to your invitation.

"In addition to the locals, the light festival draws in countless tourists each year. I'd be hard set not to conduct the city decorations and street performances. I'll be out shortly to supervise the goings on, but make no mistake, I will not enjoy one bit of it."

"So, that's a no then?" You iterated, his words having gone in one end then out the other.

Stormy eyes glanced up at you from over thick papers. "No."

Rollo stood, then placed a hand on your back to guide you out the door. "Feel free to explore with one of the fellow councilmen instead, they're quite fond of the light show and will be dying to show you the best sights. If you happen to run into me during your perusal, please do not disturb as I will be on duty."

"But don't you get a break or something?"

"No. Good day, L/N." And with that final firm rejection, Rollo shut the heavy door in your face.

Attempt number who-knows-what now that the mayor of Fleur City had refused to participate in any fun during the holidays. Or any day for that matter. And it wasn't just you who invited him to partake in the events, all the councilmen and even a few citizens who knew him tried to urge a few hours of harmless off'the'clock onto him.

And it never worked.

He stayed cooped up in his offices, reading over problems and minor inconveniences posed around the city. You were greatful for his diligence, of course, but the deep bags under his eyes and blank expressions worried you. If you could convince him to take even half an hour distracted from his work you'd be happy.

But so far, no one knew how to achieve that.

Dejected and puzzling over your next move, you ambled off to join the rest of the town for the festival.

It worked to cheer you up, laughing and chatting with old friends, taking pictures surrounded by the jolly lights strung around each house, and sipping away at sweet and toasty beverages. The perfect day to end a day.

You continued on like this for a while, face warm despite the cold chill in the air, smiling as if you hadn't a care in the world.

Then you spotted the serious official just across the street. He stood tall, dark, flowing robes sticking out greatly against the bright, colorful lights. Like a fleck of ash among shimmery snow. The purple cloth pressed against his lips doing little to hide the clear distaste in his beach gray eyes.

It was almost comical in a way. If he wanted to blend in, why keep to the same clothes and guestures the people had long since grown accustomed to?

You waited till he was a bit further along the street before running over. The smile didn't leave your lips as you latched onto his arm , pulling him the other way. You knew he didn't need to help supervise the event, he'd assigned plenty of others to the task already. And you all agreed to cover his chores if one of you managed to convince the man to take a break. This was your chance to try again.

"Hey, Rollo! I need your help with something. Come with me?"

"Y/N?" He sighed, "alright, but it better be important."

"Is it, I promise." You lied, pulling him along. "It's a few blocks down so it might take a while."

You kept a firm hold on his arm as you walked, guising it as you didn't want to loose him in the crowd.

"So how is your patrol going?"

"Fine." He sighed, keeping step with you. "No fights thus far but that won't last long I'd imagine."

"Well you can relax till then, can't you?"

"Unlikely. I need to check up on the booths and stalls, make sure they're performing well, then-"

"Ah, then let's check this one here first!"

Rollo held back his disgust as you dragged him towards one of the crowded huts. "Y/N, you-"

"Hey, how's it going? Smoothly? Yeah, I knew that. But you know, Rollo, always the worry wart. Well, you guys keep up the good work. Say, you guys think we get two of those for the road? Yay! Thanks! Rollo, say thank you."

"... thank you."

The mayor was disgruntled as you chatted up the vendors, each of you acting as if he wasn't standing right there. His brow furrowed and he pressed his neat cloth to his lips.

"You ever tried this before?" You asked, handing him one of the hot styrofoam cups and taking a sip from your own.

"Of course. Though only once as it serves no purpose to better one's health."

"Just once? Even though we have all these festivals?" You asked keeping along the path, your free hand still looped through his arm.

"Yes. It's sickeningly sweet. I don't see how you people like them."

"Oh, c'mon, it's not that bad. Drink it, you don't want it to go to waste." You urged shoving him gently. "Now that I think about, we never see you eat. You a vampire or something?"

"Such a creature is improbable. I simple enjoy lunching alone. And I'd prefer if it stays that way."

"Mmm." You opted to look around at the twinkling lights decorating the nooks rather than his side eye. "You know, we could-"

"Hey!" Rollo snapped, yanking you back and nearly sending both your drinks flying.

Alarmed, you looked back to see what was the issue only to find a little white goat butting its nubby horns into Rollo. It's teeth comfortably gnawing on his black robes.

"Shoo, go back from where you came from."

If you didn't know any better, you'd say the collected mayor looked about ready to kick the poor thing.

Rollo untangled himself from you, crouching to pry away the goat. "I know you can understand me, so bugger off. Clothes are not adequate food for you."

After a moment of tugging he managed to get the animal to back off. The goat bleated, bucking into Rollo's knees, and you saw a dark fire growing in the man's eyes.

"You little-! ... you know what ...? Here, I'll give you some of this if you agree to stop behaving this way."

"Rollo! You can't-"

"No! Not the cup, you dim-witted creature!" Rollo exasperated, tugging back his now empty and half eaten cup of hot cocoa.

The goat, meanwhile, munched merrily away, not at all interested in the drink staining the cobbles or the fuming man in front of him.

You held back a laugh as you watched Rollo incessantly try to keep himself from causing a bigger scene.

"Fine. Does this satisfy you?" He stood, brushing off his robes and put on his familiar mask, ready to walk ahead of it all. "Come along, Y/N, we had to help you with something, yes? Hey! Not again you-"

You bit your tongue as you picked up the little goat before it could run away with Rollo's large hat.

"It's still just a baby, Mister Flamme. He doesn't know any better." You handed the man back his hat, the long, red tassle hanging from it now damp with spit.

The goat sat docilly in your arms, bleating happily as you pet his soft fur. Rollo looked on with disdain.

"Maybe so. But like a child, it knows what it's doing."

"Seems there are some here that don't like you." You teased setting the goat down and shooing him away.

It did not even kick up a fuss, trotting away into the crowd.

Rollo, covered his mouth with his cloth, hand gripping tightly.

You took his tattered cup and tossed it along with yours before grabbing his free arm again and pulling him along. You rested your head on his shoulder, bright smile lighting your face.

"I'm guessing you weren't the type to have pets at home as a kid?"

He scoffed. "I hardly see how that's relevant."

You shrugged. "Just saying. Maybe if you spend some time with it on your daily walks he'll stop bugging you all the time."

"I'd rather it wasn't allowed to ...," he trailed off with a huff. "No, pay me no mind. Are we close to the place you needed me for?"

"Uh ... yeah, yeah, sure. First, why don't we-"

"Y/N, I don't-"

"Excuse me! Mister Flamme! Please, would you like one of these? I'm sure you could find someone who'd appreciate it." A elder man rang, pulling on Rollo's elbow and gesturing towards his little handmade display.

There was a neat spread of green branches dotted with red berries and tied with a neat ribbon. A shabby sign with messily scrawled letters read "Mistletoe 50 Cents."

You didn't think the stoic man next to you would so readily buy it.

"Take this as well."

"Oh! Thank you, Mister Flamme! May you have a blessed holiday! I hope you good fortune with this! Thank you, thank you!"

Rollo carried along with you still on his arm, his free hand now occupied by the evergreen.

Did you face feel warmer all of a sudden?

"... That was nice of you ...."

"Old man won't make much with these. He sells many useless items year-round. I try to advise him to sounder products but he refuses to listen. Stubborn."

You looked down. "I wouldn't be so sure about that." Unable to resist, you asked, "do you know what those are for?"

"Yes."

You looked up again, stomach tumbling as your heart rose. "You do?"

He was stone faced, stormy beach eyes fixed forward. Nose and cheeks were tinged a slight red, but you knew it was simply from the chill wind.

"Yes. It's a symbol of peace and good fortune as a goddess once wished it to never again be used as a weapon. Or at least that's how the story goes."

"And ... that's it?"

"Some use it in hopes of gaining fertility. Though that poses no real truth of cause."

"And?"

"And what? Do you want it? I'll admit I had no plans for it and it was just as likely to end up in the trash as the rest of them."

Quick to look back down, hand subconsciously squeezing onto his arm. "Ah, n-no. I'm good."

You continued on for longer in silence, mind wandering and wondering. Rollo was a serious man, perhaps he simply didn't know the most known tradition. You were in no place to teach him then, were you?

"We've reached the end of the festival area, I take this as there was no trouble you needed my help to begin with?"

You looked up, noting how you'd reached the iron fence lined edge of the seine.

The water was sparkling in the moonlight, gorgeous as it'll ever be. The streetlights sent an orange glow across the empty street. All the hustle and bustle of the festival was behind you leaving a strange dissonance between here and the rest of the still and quiet city.

Rollo leaned against the rail, cupping his cheek as he looked out at the water. "Suppose you finally managed to get me away from my work. Happy now?"

You leaned next to him. "A bit. Though it wasn't as fun a day out as I'd imagined it'd be what with you being at arms with a goat."

He rolled his eyes at your laugh. "Little bastard fools everyone into thinking he's cute. But you just saw today that he isn't."

You smiled resting your shoulder against his. "He is."

He hummed in disagreeance.

You both stood there for a moment, looking out at the bubbling river. The light here was different, less bright and colorful around every corner, but equally as beautiful.

"Will you be heading back, now?"

Rollo paused, breath coming out in soft white puffs. "No. I'm already here. Might as well spare a few more moments."

You nodded.

"Rollo?"

"Hm?"

"I liked spending time with you. I hope I can catch a break with you again soon."

He hummed in response.

You watched him, noting the way his expression seemed to relax, tired eyes drooping down, short hair ringing around his face like a silver halo. Quite the sight.

"Rollo?"

"Yes?"

"..."

As he waited for you to speak he lifted up the mistletoe. He raised it to his eyes, twirling it around slowly, simply observing it. And just as you found to courage to open your mouth, you watched as he cast the plant into the river. Green leaves and red berries bobbed slowly downstream. Until they were drowned beneath the water.

And you lost your words again.

"You had something to say?"

"Oh?" You looked down to where you clasped your hands over the rail. "Nothing. I forgot."

He turned his head to you, pondering for a moment with his blank expression. "Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"

You nodded, "Mhmm."

"... Good."

He looked up at the sky, noting the stars' sparkle. Lightly, his fingers tapped against the rails.

"Rollo I-"

"I know a place we-"

You chuckled as you cut each other off. "Sorry, you go first."

"No, please, you go on."

"No, it's alright. You can-"

"Y/N." He gave you his stern look.

You glanced down briefly before turning to him. "Um ... did you know that it's bad luck to throw away mistletoe like that?"

"How so?"

"Well ... they say it means it'll be difficult to find a partner after that."

"Mm. Well, I am not looking so ...." He shrugged.

You looked down again. He was shutting you down before he even knew it. As always.

"Do you believe in that superstitious drivel?"

"Well, I dunno. Maybe? It had to have been made up for some reason."

He hummed. "And you wish to break that misfortune?"

"Uhh ...?"

"There is a way. Supposedly. Though I have already threw the spring so it probably wouldn't work."

You raised a brow. "There is? I never heard that part before ...."

He nodded, covering his face with his cloth, the purple and stary fabric muffling his words. "You're supposed to kiss a person for every berry, then pluck them off the branch till there's none."

"I didn't even count them."

"Me neither." He kept his gaze skyward. "But some still try."

The rose in his cheeks spread to his ears, then seemed to spread to you.

"... do you ...?"

"Hah, as if I'd bother with that nonsense." He turned to you, brows curled angrily down and kerchief still over his mouth. "There is a charm to tradition though. And I've never been one to stray away from it."

You found it hard to swallow. "Is it worth it if we can't pluck the branch anymore?"

He made a show of shrugging, looking at the water again. "I dunno. But if it worries you that much ...."

You reached out, gently placing a hand atop his to bring his handkerchief down. "... Better safe than sorry ...?"

He breathed deeply and nodded.

First you leaned forward slowly. Then he followed, squeezing shut his eyes and puckering his lips. A small smile broke out against your own lips before pressing them together.

One breath, two breaths, three, then you broke apart.

It wasn't even a second before he reached out a hand, cupping it in your hair, a thumb caressing softly. "I said for every berry."

You let out a breathless laugh, watching his stern face grow increasingly rosey. "We don't know how many berries there were."

"Well ... I ... um ... you said it yourself, 'Better safe than sorry.'"

The smile threatened to stay on your lips. "This could take forever."

"We'll have to over compensate. Just to be sure."

You closed your eyes, resting your forehead against his. "I know. You like to cover all your bases."

"Right ..." His lips grazed over yours. "So?"

"I'd like that."

"Good."

So you kissed again, longer now, drawing yourself closer to him. A groan left his lips as you pulled away, his body warmer against you. There was a three second pause as you looked into each other's eyes. Then you drew in close again, each kiss longer than the last, holding on dearly and closer, repeating the same actions over and over and over again. Till another councilman rushed over, flustered by the scene, alerting the red faced mayor of trouble back at the festival.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst rollo #rollo flamm #rollo flamme #rollo flamm x reader #rollo flamme x reader #x reader #holiday short

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ncity-agere · 2 months ago

Note

please u can do ateez as little? Like they would be? ( sorey english is not ny first language ♡

of course, little one! little ateez, coming right up!

(sfw) what little!ateez is like:

Hongjoong: He’s a distrusting little Scorpio, you think he’s gonna let his guard down that easily? Hongjoong regresses to about 4, give or take a year. Most people will never ever see it, but little Hongjoong is very, very sweet and considerate. He does his chores, he plays well and shares with his friends, and is very, very clingy.

I don’t think he likes being picked up very much or sharing his caregiver’s attention, though. Hongjoong can and will throw a bit of a tantrum (he bites, fair warning), but usually can be talked down. He likes to read, write, and draw in his little headspace but sometimes gets so locked in that he starts slipping out and needs to be coaxed back to little space.

(Cartoons, crayons, and running a soothing hand through his hair should do the trick ^-^)

Seonghwa: Until someone tells him what age regression even is, he’s probably already doing it and has no clue what it’s called. He just likes to wear pajamas and rolls around on his tummy and play with Wooyoung and San and be taken care of and… oh.

He regresses to about 2-5 years old and likes wearing genderless, soft clothes. He’s okay with being called cute names like “bubba”, “prince” or “princess”, and “bun”, but he’d prefer mostly to be called his name. He’s also a little emotional, so handle with care…

Spend time with him! Play Animal Crossing with him! Watch a movie with him! Build a Lego set with him. Actually, no -let him build all the Legos and you can sit and watch! Wait, wait… don’t touch the pieces. He’ll cry if you touch the pieces. You’re not playing with the Legos right, just… okay. Just put the piece down and let baby Hwa have it. There we go. You’re welcome, little one.

Yunho: More of an age dreamer than regressor. Genuinely just can’t do it, he doesn’t know why. Probably dreams anywhere between 6-8 years old, I can’t see him being much younger than that.

Call him lots of pet names and reassure him that he’s doing a good job at… whatever it is he’s doing. He thrives on praise, he’s such a good boy. He just kind of sits and plays video games and rambles about dumb stuff he found on the internet.

Make him a plate of dino nuggies and listen to his rambles? Yeah, you’re his favorite person ever actually.

Yeosang: Gentlest baby, just so quiet and sweet. I can see Yeosang regressing to maybe 3 at the very youngest? When he’s around Wooyoung, he can get a bit worked up but he’ll be okay if you put him down for a nap. He remembers his manners and remembers to say “please”, “thank you”, and “excuse me”. Just heart-meltingly adorable.

But sometimes Yeosang becomes insecure about age regressing and can become defensive. Try not to call him cute during these little tantrums, he really doesn’t like it. Instead, pretend he’s big and scary -a big, scary puppy! It helps his confidence and soon enough, he’ll be back to being your happy, gentle baby boy.

San: Oh… sweet little San cries a lot. He regresses to a very little age, like 0-2. He likes to be babied, paid attention to, and held.

Little Sannie likes to babble, doesn’t like tight clothes, and gets so sad when you don’t pay him enough attention! Seriously, he wants to be near his caregiver or another little at all times because he’s fr got the object permanence of an infant. It’s pretty cute, until he’s crying and whining and babbling for you to come find him and pick him up.

Mingi: Someone please wrap this baby in bubble wrap, please and thankies. He’s such a clumsy little guy, he just wants to be spoiled. Little Mingi has a pretty wide range, anywhere from 0-5, and he’s a bit nervous around new people so you’ve gotta introduce him to friends very, very slowly. And hold his hand the whole time. <3

Mingi can be insecure about his height, so be sure to make him feel very tiny! He likes oversized clothes and blankies, as well as being fed instead of feeding himself (“here comes the airplane” works every time, like a charm!)

Wooyoung: Speaks in the third person all the time. A nightmare child. Probably needs ritalin and warm milk. An absolute brat (in the most loving way possible).

Despite all this, though, he always reminds you that he’s grateful you’re his caregiver and tries his hardest to do nice thing for you without being asked… even when it ends with sticky, syrupy countertops, spilled flour, and a lopsided breakfast in bed.

…It’s the thought that counts, right?

Jongho: MY BABY!!! He’s not exactly one for baby talk and is slowly getting used to feeling little (since he’s so used to being the oldest out of his siblings), so it’s a little harder and he needs help to regress. When he does regress, though, he’s a very helpful boy, probably between 5-6 years old. He likes to help around the house and is pretty independent for a little.

Isn’t fussy or easily upset and eats well. The weirdest part is how outgoing and talkative he’s become! He feels comfortable around you, so he just kinda shoots off at the mouth and just says whatever comes to mind. Little Jongho’s got a lot to say, so you’ve gotta listen carefully or he’ll pout.

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lostinwildflowers · 14 days ago

Text

Fooled Around And Fell In Love

Sierra Six x Reader

Summary: Tensions still run high after Six's outburst, but you are both trying to smooth things over. Just when you think everything is turning out okay, he throws you a curveball.

Word Count: 7.1K

Warnings: angst, hurt then some comfort, minimal swearing, but some fluff and banter, lots of pining, idiot friends that need to realize they love each other and get over themselves

A/N: Here is yet ANOTHER part of The Gray Scale! I needed more of the heartbreak from the last part, so I wrote this :) I recommend reading A Little Dirt Never Hurt, Right? first and then reading this, but they can be read as stand-alone fics. Enjoy! Birch<3

All you can focus on is the unfamiliar car pulling out of your gravel driveway, small rocks popping and spitting under the tires. Inside the vehicle, Claire is sharing jokes and laughing with a friend from school - making plans for her sleepover that evening.

This leaves you at home, tensions running high in the house after Six's outburst. Things hadn't gotten much better, but they certainly hadn't gotten worse.

Every interaction was painful to some degree. Awkward silences, jaunty movements, uncomfortable small talk. You've been trying your best to stay in your lane, doing what you can to keep the house under control and not test Six's patience again.

Similarly, Six was dancing around you. He wanted to offer his help with chores - sweeping the floor, switching the laundry, feeding the horses. But he didn't want you to think that he thought you were incapable.

You just wanted things to return to the way they had been, but you knew that wasn't going to happen. So, you wistfully watch Claire leave with her friend, knowing you would have only Six to keep you company tonight.

"You know, we don't have to stay in for dinner tonight," a deep voice interrupts your train of thought. You jump at the sound, your hand smacking against the screen door with a sharp whiz.

You hiss in pain as your knuckles drag against the grated screen, and you quickly tuck your hand to your chest as you whirl around. There, you are met with the neutral expression of Six a few feet away.

There's a bit of a frown that draws his brows together as he glances from your face to your hand clutched to your chest, but he doesn't say anything about it. Instead, he offers quietly, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

The words come out flat, but he does mean them. He shuffles, shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants as he watches you, waiting for a response.

You try to push your stinging knuckles out of your mind as you shake your head side to side and brush his comment off, "No, no, it's alright."

Then, there's a pause as the two of you look at each other expectantly. You get the courage to look up and catch Six's gaze, which is carefully flitting over your face. He raises an eyebrow at you in question, and that's when you realize he's waiting for your response.

You blink at him before stuttering, "S-sorry, what did you say?" Six takes a deep breath, and his shoulders raise in apprehension. He casually gestures over his shoulder, "I, I was just saying we could go out for dinner if you don't feel like cooking. Or, I can make something if you want."

The air in the foyer of the house has grown increasingly thick with the awkwardness swirling in the air. You wrap your arms around yourself as you process his words.

He wants to go out for dinner? He wants to make dinner? Both options were unexpected coming from the bearded blonde, but as you silently watch him, a lone thought hits you.

Maybe this is a quiet cry to help make up for the other night.

"Uhm, yeah, okay," you shrug as you rub at one of your arms. Six's brows shoot up in surprise, and one of his hands comes to rub at the back of his neck. He coughs once and then questions, "Yes to going out or to me making something?"

You shrug again and offer him a small smile, mumbling, "I'm not opposed to going out to eat. We may as well enjoy the night off, right?" This seems to help dissipate some of the tension in the air, and Six's figure relaxes as he sighs with an upturned lip of his own, "Yeah, you're right."

It's quiet again, but this time it's much more bearable. You rock back and forth on your heels for a moment, and then you ask, "What time do you want to leave? I'd like to get cleaned up." At the end of your words, you bashfully motion to your outfit, which is smudged with bits of dirt, grass, and hay.

Six nods understandingly and glances over his shoulder to the clock in the kitchen, offering, "Well, it's just 4:30 now, so maybe 5:30? 6? Does that give you enough time?" You catch his stormy gaze as he glances back at you, and you instinctively look away as you dismiss, "Oh, yeah, that should be plenty of time, thanks."

The bearded blonde just nods again and stands still as he tries to come up with anything else to say. You point to the bedroom with the flutter of one of your hands and mumble, "Well, I'm gonna-" "Oh, yeah. Go 'head and do what you gotta. I'll get changed when you're done," Six cuts in, waving you off as he takes a couple of steps toward the kitchen.

You give him a silent nod of thanks and dip your chin as you duck toward the bedroom. Six opts to turn away and slide out of the kitchen through the back door.

He might as well get some stuff done while he waits.

"Six?" you call lightly as you step into the kitchen, (colored) gaze scanning for a sign of the bearded blonde. You don't get a response for a moment, but then you hear the sound of the screen door snapping shut at the front of the house.

You instantly glance over your shoulder at the noise, and you repeat, "Six, you ready?" You get a fast reply, "Yeah, yeah, I'm just putting my boots on."

You inhale sharply at his response, but quickly force yourself to relax and brush your hands over the snug fit of your jeans. It wasn't every day you got to go out, so you took advantage of the few nice pieces of clothes in your closet.

The jeans are flared at the bottom, and the material is a pleasant shade of light blue. They curl around your thighs before hugging the curve of your ass. There is a slight design stitched into the back pockets, and you don't need a belt to hold them up.

To go with your nicer pair of jeans, you chose one of your cute, summery blouses. It's a light purple, decorated with a floral pattern of matching pink and violet petals. The material is soft and comfortable, and, frankly, makes you feel like a girl in the best way.

You wanted to lean into that feeling, though, and had thrown on a little bit of makeup to accentuate your features. A dash of blush to your cheeks, some mascara to your lashes. You even popped a bit of highlighter on the points of your face before swiping some lip gloss over your mouth.

The final piece of your outfit - your nicest pair of cowboy boots. They are free of dirt - only having seen the light of day a few times from the back of your closet. But with the summer night rolling in, you knew tonight was the time to break them out.

Pushing your anxieties to the back of your mind, you quietly pick your way over to the front door. Uncertain steps lead you to the foyer, where you see Six straightening out after tying off the laces to his boots.

He also pulled out his cleanest pair of boots, the brown leather leading to a pair of dark wash, bootcut jeans that are pleasantly stacked around his calves. The dark material hugs the thick muscle of his thighs before cinching snugly around his trim waist.

The bearded blonde has a white t-shirt on, covered by his tan jacket slung over his broad shoulders. His usually slicked-back blonde locks hang over his forehead, framing the stormy gaze he sets on you.

"All set?" you mumble as you glance away from him, slightly rocking on your heels as you shove your hands in your back pockets. Six just gives you a nod as he reaches for the key hook by the door, replying, "Yep, I can drive."

He shoots you a glance as he grabs his truck keys and jostles them in his hand. You can't help but look at him from the sound, and you see him raise an eyebrow in question before he asks, "Want to go to The Standard?"

Your (colored) gaze widens in surprise at the name of the restaurant. You blink at him in slight disbelief before rushing, "But- that place is expensive, we don't-" "It's my treat," he chuckles, brushing off your worry with a soft smile.

The smile seems to light up his face, the edges of his figure illuminated by the setting sun through the screen door. You swallow thickly and look down at yourself in a flash of insecurity.

You wipe your hands over the front of your jeans and mumble, "I'm not sure I'm dressed up enough for that place." Six is quiet for a moment, his free hand pushing the screen door open behind him as he replies jokingly, "And you think I am?"

The tone of his voice is playful, the most friendly it has been in a while. There's a twinkle to his eye as he nods toward his truck in the driveway, "C'mon, let's go."

A smile of your own has started to tug on your lips at the insistence of the bearded blonde. You didn't want to invite any arguing into tonight - you wanted to try to fix the gaping hole between you and Six.

But you couldn't turn down a little friendly banter.

You take a deep breath and quip, "You know, we do share a bank account." The bearded blonde stares at you for a second, the smile on his face growing wider before he starts chuckling. The sound is... nice.

There's a raspiness to his laugh, a coarseness that likely comes from not being used to sharing his joy. It's breathy and deep at the same time, and it sounds like music to your ears.

It makes butterflies swarm in your stomach for the first time in a while, and there's a heat that rushes over your face as you watch Six wipe at his eye with the back of his hand. He just points to his truck silently, and you can't help but giggle as you step around his broad frame holding the door.

You make your way toward Six's blue and white striped Chevy truck as he locks up the front door and jogs down the steps. Before you can grab the door handle to the passenger's side, his tattooed hand grabs hold of it, blocking you.

The smile on his face has softened into a more tender look, and he carefully pulls the rusty door open for you without saying a word. You watch him inquisitively as you climb up into the truck, settling yourself into the worn-out leather seats with a shimmy.

Suddenly - it's like you're 16 again. It's like it's your first date with the guy you've had a crush on for years, and he's finally allowed to take his daddy's truck out for the homecoming dance.

A moment later, Six is opening up the driver's side door and climbing into the seat next to you. He doesn't have anything to say; he just slides the key into the ignition and starts the engine while the two of you buckle yourselves in.

Then, you're pulling out of the driveway, the voice of Johnny Cash floating through the truck's old radio.

The Standard is nicer than you remember it being. You had only ever seen it from the outside - a chic building that looked a little too upscale for the small town you had settled down in.

The ambiance of the restaurant was nicer than you had anticipated, and suddenly, your nervousness is back in full swing as Six pulls the truck into a parking spot. He had to park far from the building - the main lot was full, leaving you to walk in from the secondary lot out by the adjacent corn field.

The air seems to be thicker in the warmth of the evening than it was in the truck, the two of you now making your way to the front of the restaurant together. A tension is back that you weren't expecting - the kind of pressure that screams - it's just the two of you. You can't help but notice it, and you want to run and hide at the thought.

Your teeth unconsciously chew at the inside of your mouth as Six opens each door for you, guiding you to the host stand with an unexpected ease. He seems naturally confident in himself, and it makes your heart skip a beat as he offers the host a fake name and asks for a table fit for two.

Six isn't doing much better than you, truly. On the inside, he's wrestling with the thoughts racing through his mind. He wants this evening to go well. He needs to get back on your good side. But he can't overdo things. He can't be out of character.

He needs to show you his true colors and prove to you that he's trying to make up for his outburst.

The host guides the two of you toward a small table near a corner window, setting the menus down before disappearing a moment later. Six glances between the two seats and prompts, "Which side do you want?"

You flinch at the sound of his voice, your arms wrapping around yourself as you tear your gaze away from the people surrounding you to look at the bearded blonde. You blink at him and hum, "What was that?"

He steps closer to the table as a waiter rushes past him and he repeats, slower this time, "Which side of the table do you want?" Your eyes widen in recognition, and you look between the two seats, shrugging, "Uhm, it doesn't matter to me."

Six just nods silently and swallows thickly in response, and then murmurs, "I'll take this side, then." He steps to the right, his back toward the wall as he motions for you to take the seat across from him.

You give him a tight-lipped smile as you move, carefully pulling out your seat before settling onto the plush chair. Six shrugs his jacket off, hanging it on the back of his seat as he glances around the restaurant.

You do the same, (colored) gaze flitting over the moody lighting, busy tables, and the dance floor littered with people holding drinks. You have to tear your eyes away from the couples dancing, forcing yourself to fiddle with the menu in your hands.

"So, uhm, how was work today?" you ask quietly as you start to flip through the names of entrées. Six trains his stormy gaze on you with a subtle surprise lacing his features, and he shrugs, "You know how it is. Just another Thursday."

You glance at him over the laminated paper, nodding in response, unsure of what else to say. Six bites his tongue as he fiddles with his own menu, his gaze skimming over the drinks on the back page.

There's a heavy silence between the two of you as you each bury your noses in The Standard's menu, avoiding the obvious elephant in the room. Six is the one to break it, though, and he mumbles, "Remember, feel free to order whatever you want."

Your gaze flashes up at him, and you chirp out a shrill, "Yep!" You internally cringe at the sound, and you flick your gaze back down to the words in front of you as an embarrassed heat floods your cheeks.

Six sets his menu down after another few moments of silence and leans back in his chair just as a waitress lands in front of your table. She offers the two of you a wide smile and pipes up, "Hey guys! Welcome to The Standard, I hope you are having a wonderful evening."

She glances at Six and continues, "My name is Maxie, and I will be your server tonight. Can I get you started with some drinks?" The bearded blonde just offers her a thin-lipped smile and then glances at you with a soft blink.

"Ladies first," he states lowly as Maxie turns to look at you. There's a sudden heat that floods over you again, and you scramble as you flip to the back of the menu. Your eyes race over the words as you try to find something you might like.

Eventually, you spot it. You glance up at the waitress and rush out, "Could I just get a lemonade, please?" She simply nods and writes down your order before turning to Six and asking, "And for you, sir?"

Six tears his gaze away from you to look at the waitress before stating evenly, "Just a sweet tea with lemon. Thanks." His tone is flat as he crosses his tattooed arms over his chest, and Maxie looks away from him to write down his order.

Then, she glances between the two of you and questions, "Do y'all still need more time to order, or are we ready now?" Six's gaze flicks back over to you, and you glance at him with slight panic in your eyes.

The bearded blonde shakes his head once to the side and replies, "Just a few more minutes and we'll be ready." Maxie nods and chirps, "Alright, I'll be back with those drinks in just a moment!"

A second later, she turns on her heel and walks away. You let out a deep breath as her figure grows smaller, and you glance at Six as a sigh escapes you.

He's already looking at you, and you can immediately place a distinct twinkle of satisfaction in his eyes. You set your menu flat on the table as you quietly ask, "What's that look for?"

Six raises his brows in mock offense, and insists, "I don't know what you're talking about." You feel some tension dissipate at the friendly tone of his voice, and you let a smile tug on your mouth as you huff, "That look! It's like you know something I don't."

Six leans back further in his chair as he glances out the window, brushing you off with a scoff of his own. Your mouth parts playfully as you urge, "Tell me!" There's a slight whine to your voice, and it makes a soft smile curl on Six's lip.

There's a thoughtful look on his face when he turns to face you this time, but you know he's not going to share his inner monologue. Instead, the bearded blonde juts his chin toward your menu, "Better pick something to eat, she'll be back soon."

You want to stick your tongue out at him, but you refrain. Instead, you choose to narrow your eyes at him before doing as he says.

As you flip through the menu, Six can't help but let his gaze wander over you. You, sitting in front of him. It's just the two of you, no one else.

It's almost like a date.

Despite the tension starting to fade between the two of you, there is an undeniable awkwardness drifting through the air. There are couples lining the adjacent tables - men and women of all varieties settling down for their fancy, Friday night dinners.

When Maxie comes back with your drinks and takes your dinner orders, you have nothing to distract yourself with. All you have is Six.

The bearded blonde has chosen to look out the window in the long stretches of silence, his mind rolling with things to say. Not just things, but the right thing.

"I don't think you look out of place," you state quietly, toying with the straw in your glass as you effectively break the silence. There's an underlying nervousness to the statement. It borders on a compliment.

Six instantly turns to look at you, the sound of your voice drawing him in. It takes him a second to process your words, but then he's scoffing, "Oh, please." You smile softly at his dismissiveness, but you push, "No, seriously. You just look... comfortable, I guess."

He can't help but stare at you incredulously, disbelief flooding his body. Comfortable? He feels like he's on fire, and if he makes one wrong move, he's going to burn up.

He can't help it. You are... aggravating to him in the best way. He wants you to be comfortable with him again; he wants you to feel safe with him. But every moment is agony when he can't figure out how to do that.

"If you say so, Y/n/n," is all he can manage, your nickname rolling off his tongue before he can stop himself. The endearment hits you like a freight train, and you know there's a deer-in-headlights look on your face.

The air grows heavy as he waits for your response, but then, you're smiling. You take a shy sip of your lemonade before mumbling, "Haven't heard one that for a while."

You want to kick yourself at the subtle implication of your words, and when you glance up at Six pensively, you see a dulled expression on his face. He sniffs quickly and glances away, and you rush out, "You know, I think it might be a little while until our food gets here. I'm going to go dance."

Before you can say anything else, you are pushing yourself up and out of your seat, skirting around the edge of the table, and all but running away from the man behind you.

The dancefloor isn't packed, but it isn't empty either.

There are couples clinging to one another as they twirl around, laughing and having a good time. Your heart slams in your chest, the thought of leaving Six alone at the table after that comment swirling through your mind.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it! You are supposed to be fixing things, not making them worse!

You swallow thickly as you make your way onto the dance floor, your fingers tingling with apprehension and anxiety. You don't dance. What the fuck are you doing on the dance floor?

The answer was an obvious one, but not one that you wanted to admit to yourself. Instead, you try to let the rhythm of the song start to move your body.

What were you going to do now, anyway? Walk away?

It starts with a simple sway to your hips, letting the beat of the drums align with your internal metronome. Then, it's your feet, pulling you deeper into the throng of people littered across the tiled floor, sashaying two steps forward and one step back.

As you let yourself loosen up, your hands begin to move, playing with the hair around your face and waving through the air. The dance floor feels alive, with bodies both gracefully and uncoordinately twisting and turning, letting go of the stress of the day.

Back at the table, Six is left in silence as he watches you dash away. He wanted to curse himself up and down for the slip-up of using your nickname. He got too comfortable, thought things were going too well.

The bearded blonde is afraid he's scared you off, now, as you mingle with the people on the dance floor, avoiding the heavy air Six seems to bring. He can't help but watch you, though.

The way the shifting lights catch the tones of your shirt, the way your jeans hang so perfectly on your frame. You look good. He knows he shouldn't watch; he has no reason to be protective over you.

But he can't help it. There's a part of him that wants to watch you. Wants to be protective. But with the way your words dripped from your lips and you ran off to the dancefloor, he knows he has no right.

Six chooses to swirl his sweet tea, watching the way the lemon gets squished by the ice cubes before rising to the top. A deep sigh falls from his lips as he glances at the empty seat in front of him, another pang of annoyance shooting through his body.

Then, he hears it.

The opening drum beat. The whine of the slide guitar. The trills and runs of a keyboard. It's one of his favorite songs.

He can't help but look to the dance floor, his internalized anger momentarily forgotten. Six sees couples smiling at each other, starting to pull one another close. Their bodies begin to sway in rhythm to the crisp sound of Elvin Bishop's voice, and he finds himself looking for your figure.

There, in the middle of the dance floor, you stand alone.

Wistfully, you let your eyes flit over the couples swaying around you, lost in their own little worlds. You don't mean to, but your (colored) gaze lands on the table you so desperately ran away from.

You find yourself honing in on the broad figure of Six, who's already watching you. It makes a lump swell in your throat, but you push it down as a thought curls in the back of your mind.

You will yourself to lock eyes with the bearded blonde, and shakily, you nod to the dance floor. A sad smile tugs on your mouth, and you know you probably look pathetic. But you don't care.

Six stares at you for a second, and then his brows shoot up and he brings his free hand up to point at himself. You give him a tip of your chin, a silent plea for him to join you.

He reluctantly waves his hand back and forth next to his throat, a definitive, no way. But then, Six sees a glimmer in your eyes from across the room. It's barely noticeable, but it's there.

It's a look he knows he shouldn't run away from. There's a try in your gaze that he hasn't seen since his outburst. And it's enough for him to push off the table, take a quick sip of his sweet tea, and make his way to the dance floor.

The lyrics of the song float through his mind as he makes his way over to you, unsteady steps making him land sluggishly in front of you. Your eyes light up at the sight of the bearded blonde staring down at you, obvious discomfort pricking at the angles of his face.

You know it's not his scene. But this is the first time you've seen the ex-CIA agent uncomfortable in his own body. So, you offer him a smile, one that is both bashful and apologetic.

And he returns it.

Then, he's offering you one of his hands, and you are nervously settling your palm in his. His hand gently tugs you closer to him, the movement somehow fluid despite the nerves that seem to spark the air between both of you.

You catch yourself on his chest with your free hand, the muscle of his pecs firm under your touch. It makes a heat singe your cheekbones, and the proximity makes your heart tighten in your chest.

The air in your lungs seems to disappear as you stare up at Six, eyes widening with surprise. He brings his free hand to cautiously settle on the small of your back, the long digits of his fingers splaying out.

You swear your heart is about to burst, but then he's taking your intertwined hands and pulling your arm up so you can wrap it around his neck. You follow his lead and carefully loop your arms around his neck, a fire burning in your belly at the intimacy of this dance.

He slowly releases his grip on your hand and slides it down your arm, trailing your shoulder, before grazing your spine. Then, he's locking his arms around your waist, guiding your body to sway with his.

There's a space between you and him, delicate enough to make middle schoolers blush, but not enough to upset your mother. The tender way he holds you has shivers shooting up your spine, his grip firm but not controlling.

It's secure and unwavering, but gentle and respectful. It makes the breath catch in your throat, and goosebumps rise on your arms. Despite your body and mind going into overdrive, you try to let yourself relax and follow his lead, swaying your body to the music.

You did ask him to come dance, after all.

But since I met you baby, love's got a hold on me.

You let the lyric hum from your lips, the tune easily coming to you as Six gently turns you around the floor. You don't dare speak the words, but the bearded blonde knows them like the back of his hand.

You can't help the sharp breath that you take afterward, your heart is still racing, and the feeling of Six's hands on your waist is driving you a little crazy. Just then, you catch the scent of his cologne, and it almost makes you lightheaded.

It's rich but comforting, homey with a touch of woodsmoke. It's so very Six that you are momentarily distracted, and you clumsily step on his foot.

Immediately, you look down and scramble off his foot, an apology rushing from your mouth, "Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I'm such a clutz-" "It's okay, I'm pretty sure I've got two left feet," he cuts you off, a kind look on his face as he ever so slightly tightens his grip on you and spins you around.

It makes you giggle, pushing the thought of your misstep out of your mind. You let yourself relax into the music and the feeling of Six's hands on you, but before you know it, the song is fading to an end.

You aren't sure how Six feels about you right now, not after your untimely comment, so you are the one to pull back from his embrace, withdrawing your arms from his neck. You take a careful step back, regaining some distance between yourself and the bearded blonde.

He lets you out of his grip with ease, a look of longing flashing across his features. You offer him a tight-lipped smile, the carefree look on your face now gone, then you point toward your table, "I bet our food is here, we probably should go sit."

Six gives you a nod of understanding, and clearing his throat, replies, "Yes, ma'am, lead the way." Your heart flutters in your chest at this endearment, but you don't say anything. Instead, you reach forward and shyly grab his hand, tugging him to where your dinner awaits.

The rest of dinner goes by without any more grievances - the two of you managed to talk about Claire, how the farm was doing, and some future plans. Six, ever the gentleman, paid the bill without batting an eye before shuttling you out the door of the restaurant.

It was getting late with the moon rising higher in the sky, but the restaurant was only getting more wound up. You both wanted out before it got too crazy, and you were growing tired from the emotional rollercoaster of the night.

You can't help but sigh as the summer air washes over you, whisking away the heady smell of the restaurant. Six hums in response next to you, his tan jacket slung over his thick arm as the two of you walk in silence.

"Tired?" he asks lowly after a moment, his booted foot toying with a small piece of gravel on the pavement. You swivel your head to look at him, and with a half-lidded blink, you huff out, "Just a little. But this was... nice."

The words are a little clunky falling from your mouth, and admitting that the evening wasn't a total trainwreck makes a shy smile curl on your lips. You glance away from him, focusing on the feeling of your boots scuffing against the concrete.

You miss the smile that laces Six's mouth as he watches you from the corner of his eye, a few strands of his blonde hair falling onto his forehead. A brisk breeze rolls through the packed parking lot, and the sounds of the restaurant fade as the two of you make your way out to the secondary lot.

You shiver at the chill of the breeze, and suddenly you wish you had brought a jacket to wear. Your arms fold around yourself to protect your warmth, your fingers rubbing at the exposed skin of your bicep.

Six notices your movement almost immediately, and he turns toward you and offers quietly, "Here, take this." He shuffles his tan jacket from being folded over his arm to being outstretched toward you, a soft glint to his darkened gaze.

The sun has set and the sky is dark, with only the dim lighting of the parking lot lighting up the features of his face. It's hard to see where he's looking, but your heart lurches in your chest as you stare at the tan material.

So you couldn't dirty up your own jacket?

The sound of Six's cruel words replaying in your head makes you stop in your tracks, and you can hear the blood beginning to roar in your ears. Six pauses next to you, uncertainty draped over his large frame with a quick glance at the startled look on your face.

You don't know what else to do, so you shrug awkwardly as you stutter out, "I-I'm fine, I'm good. I-I shouldn't take your jacket." A deep pang runs through you at the clumsy denial, and you see a look of emotion flit across Six's face.

Things still aren't back to normal just yet.

The air grows still but thick as the two of you stare at the ground. For a moment, you get nervous that Six is going to lash out and say something harsh, but he doesn't. He's quiet as can be, a thoughtful look on his face as he obviously replays the same words you had thought of.

"I meant what I said, you know," he eventually mumbles with concern sewn into his voice. He motions toward you with the jacket clasped in his outstretched hand, "I want there to be another day where you wear my jacket."

This makes you look up at him, surprise dancing across your face as you regard the bearded blonde. He takes a shaky breath after a moment of silence, and then looks at the material bunched up in his hand.

A forlorn smile tugs on the corner of his mouth before he glances up to meet your gaze, mumbling, "Plus, I think it would look better on you than on me."

You can see the honesty in his eyes as he locks his stormy gaze onto your own (colored) one, and your heart skips a beat in your chest at the thought. You swallow nervously, your inability to fight his sweet words taking control, and then shrug awkwardly, "O-okay, then."

Six's gaze softens at your acceptance, and he unfolds the jacket in his arms. Then, he takes a careful step toward you, the distance between your bodies decreasing rapidly. He slowly drapes the material around your shoulders, his fingers coming up to fiddle with the collar to settle the tan fabric around you to make sure it lies comfortably.

Instantly, the jacket seems to stop the bite of the wind, and you catch another whiff of the scent that is so Six. You have to bite your tongue from saying anything stupid; you just stand still and let him adjust the material over your frame.

A wave of heat dusts your cheekbones as you catch the corner of his gaze, and there, you see a soft expression. The lines on his face have smoothed out, and there's a shine to his eye that makes your heart flutter and butterflies bloom in your belly.

You let your fingers come up to pull the jacket around you closer, and Six's hands hover over your shoulders as he watches you. A sigh of content slips from your mouth, and you give him a wide smile as you whisper, "Thank you."

The bearded blonde gives you a smile of his own, and briefly cocking his head to the side, he replies, "Anytime, Y/n/n." This time, there is a meaning to his use of your nickname. It doesn't make you flinch or run.

Instead, it makes you lean closer to him, and you see his gaze flicker down for a moment before regaining eye contact with you. His hands finally come to a rest on your shoulders, his thumbs rubbing soft circles over the material of his jacket as he nods toward the corn field in the distance.

"C'mon, we still have a ways to walk," he murmurs quietly. Six takes a step back, and it's like the air that floods the space between the two of you is cold as ice. You can take a deep breath now, and you sigh in relief at the feeling of the fresh air clearing the anxiety from your mind.

You do as he says, though, and set off towards the corn field, your knees slightly weakened and your heart still stuttering in your chest. Six is right next to you, though, silent as ever as he shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

The rest of the walk to the truck only takes a few more minutes - skirting from the edge of one parking lot to another, dodging a minivan that whipped into a spot a little too fast, and getting the bottom of your jeans wet in the late-night dew.

The weightlessness and simplicity of the small interactions make both of you chuckle, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you finally see the white and blue stripes of the old Chevy.

Once the two of you get close, Six's hand reaches for the rusty handle on the passenger's side door as if it's second nature, but as his digits clasp around the release, he pauses. You stand merely a foot away, waiting for him to move.

Your brows furrow in confusion as he seemingly freezes, staring at his tattooed hand on the handle. You carefully reach forward toward him with one hand as you ask, "Six? Is everything okay?"

Then, he shifts. He looks at you, a faraway glint in his eyes as his free hand grabs your covered bicep and gently pulls you closer to him. The bearded blonde swivels so that your back is to the blue and white stripes of the truck, and you are facing him.

His tan jacket is just starting to slip from your shoulder, and he carefully tugs it back up as he all but cages you against the truck door. There is a serious expression on his face as he invades your personal space, but there's a wide look of surprise on yours as you let him manhandle you.

Your lips part as you go to ask a question, but he cuts you off quietly, "There's something I need to tell you, Y/n. I can't wait any longer, okay?" There's an urgency to his voice, an underlying plea that makes your heart lurch and butterflies bloom in your stomach for the umpteenth time.

You clamp your mouth shut and give him a few rapid nods of understanding. All you can focus on is him. He is surrounding you. The feel of his jacket over your frame, the smell of his cologne flooding your nose, the sight of him blocking out the rising moon overhead.

Six is everywhere.

The sound of his voice, low with intent, grabs your attention. It's throaty and hoarse, but he manages to murmur, "Please, don't call me Six anymore." You blink in surprise at his ask, but before you can question him, he clarifies, "Call me Court."

An inaudible gasp rushes from your mouth before you can stop it, and emotion wells through you at his confession. This is big. Bigger than big.

There is such an intensity to Six's gaze, you almost want to look away, but you can't. There's a point for his intensity, and it takes you a second to pick up on it, but then it hits you.

He's showing you how much you mean to him. How much he trusts you. How much he needs you. His confession is open and raw and real - and it puts him at a disadvantage.

No one knew the real him. Court did not exist. So for him to share his name with you? It's special.

The confession is as much of a surprise to Six as it is to you. He had no intentions of sharing his given name with you tonight. There were words drifting through his mind, toying with him in his subconscious that he couldn't admit to himself yet.

So this was his remedy.

It said the words he didn't know how to say, but he's not sure if you can pick up on it. He wouldn't blame you if you didn't.

Instead, you are internally questioning why he would share this with you, now of all times. You know he's sorry for being an ass - that much was easy to figure out.

Despite the rocky bits to the night, you did manage to enjoy yourself. And now? He gives you his name? You aren't sure what to make of it, but you know there is one thing you have to do.

You give Six a blinding smile as you lean back against the truck, his words and your thoughts rolling around in your head. This changes everything, and you both know it.

So, you blink up at him softly as his blue gaze fretfully flits over you, and you murmur, "Okay, Court."

The sound of his name rolling off your tongue makes Court freeze. You actually called him by his given name. His heart slams in his ribcage as he replays the way you enunciated it, the way your eyes twinkled in the dim light of the night.

There are a million things he's feeling as he looks down at you, his stomach twisting and turning with both joy and anxiety.

But one thing is for certain - he is fucked. Because right then and there, pinned against his rusty old Chevy, next to a corn field in the middle of the night, Courtland Gentry knows he's in love with you.

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