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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 6 months

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Guess what I did last night, everyone? I performed stand-up in a club for the first time! I’d done five nights at pub open mics, which I can quickly summarize as:

- July 26: Go to a pub night with my brother, who’s been performing comedy for years. They have about eight scheduled comedians, plus a “lotto spot”, where literally anyone can put their name in a pitcher and they draw one out and that person can perform. The lotto is mostly used by comedians who aren’t on the bill, but turn up to watch, and throw their name in on the off chance that they’ll get stage time. It’s also sometimes used by new comedians who haven’t established themselves enough to get booked spots when they ask for them, but they can build up some cred by doing lotto spots. It is not generally used by random members of the audience, but it technically could be.

I wasn’t quite a completely random member of the audience. I’d been going to open mic comedy nights at a different pub, which ran every Thursday, for a few months. Just going to watch, but often enough so I had an idea of how they work and who performs at these things. And my brother’s been doing it for thirteen years, early in his career I used to go see him all the time. And I had written some stuff down, practiced saying it out loud a few times, thought maybe I’d try performing someday. But had no concrete plans to start at any specific time.

Then I went with my brother to a night at a different pub from the one where I normally went, he convinced me to put my name in the lotto, just to try, it probably won’t get picked. Obviously it did get picked. I think there were about ten names in that pitcher, I’m still not 100% convinced my name really did get picked, I think my brother might have told the comedians that this is his sister’s name, if they want to see his sister try comedy then just call that name out regardless of what paper is drawn. But I have no proof.

Anyway, I did it. I talked for about six minutes. I said the things I had written down and tried out in my bedroom. It was less terrifying than I’d expected. The crowd laughed quite a bit, but only because I’d said at the beginning that I have never done this before and didn’t expect my name to get picked so they were all being nice. But it was fun. It was a huge adrenaline rush. Afterward I got drunk with comedians.

- That was a Monday. Three days later, I go out to the regular pub open mic night that I’d been going to for ages on Thursdays. Turns out the guy who runs that night was at the other pub on Monday and saw me there. After the comedy show ends, he goes up to me at the bar and asks if I want to be on the bill in two weeks time. I say yes. Get very excited for my first time on an actual bill, not just going up with the lotto.

- August 10: I perform at the Thursday night. I’m incredibly nervous. I have spent two weeks refining my material, figuring I can do a better job if I actually properly write a set for a specific day, rather than just get up unexpectedly and say some stuff I’d only vaguely planned. It’s definitely better this way. It goes quite well.

- Some other day in late August: I go back to the Thursday comedy place just to watch. I put my name in the lotto, thinking there’s no way it’ll get called again, may as well just do that, but I’m just here to watch. My brother is hosting. He’s just had a breakup and is messing around with the crowd so much that it distracted me from doing any mental preparation. My name gets called from the lotto. I go up unexpectedly. I can’t remember most of what I was going to say. I panic and stutter a lot. It’s fucking horrible. I get off stage and want to hide under my bed forever. After, my brother tells me it wasn’t quite as bad as I thought. But still. Not great. I have just moved to the suburbs to housesit for a few months, making it hard to get downtown where the comedy venues are anyway, so I don’t go back for a while.

- Early October: I go back to the Thursday pub night, just to watch. It’s an exciting night and inspires me to try again. I go through the proper process this time, of going on their Facebook page to request a spot for the following Thursday. I get one.

- October 12: On this Thursday, I show up and try something slightly different. The previous nights, I had just told one story for six minutes. This time, I trim that story and add a separate bit at the beginning. I am, again, very nervous, with the fear that maybe I just happened to have only one funny story in me but can’t actually write good stuff generally so the other bit will fail.

It doesn’t. Both bits go great. This feels like my best one yet. I leave happy and excited and wanting to do it again. I go back on Facebook and request a spot at the other pub that runs on Monday nights for the next week. I get it.

I also email one a local comedy club. There are three comedy clubs in the city, and those are where the “proper comedy” happens. New and established comedians alike work out their material at pub nights like the Monday and Thursday ones, so that they can perform at clubs. At the club amateur nights, where no one gets paid but if you do enough of them then you’ll get noticed by the owners and maybe get to go on the pro nights, where people do get paid. Multiple people had told me I should sign up for a club amateur night, but I’d been too nervous until that point. Then, however, I send an email to the designated address requesting a spot in November (that’s how it works – you email the club on the fifteen of one month to see if they’ll give you a spot at any of the amateur Mondays the following month).

- October 23: I perform at the Monday night pub. Do the same two bits as before. They go okay. At this time I remember them, I’m not up there panicking and stuttering. They just don’t get as much from the crowd, and the more they go badly, the more I doubt myself and then don’t perform as well. Afterward, my brother tells me my stuff was good, and not to feel bad because the crowd didn’t laugh much at anyone who was on that night.

I am sufficiently demoralized to think maybe I won’t go back for a bit, at least not until December when I go back to living at my own place downtown and it’s easier to get to these places. However, this plan falls apart in November, when I receive an email telling me my request for a club spot has been granted, I can perform at the club’s amateur night on Monday, November 13. I am terrified.

- For about four days before the night of November 13, particularly all day at work on November 13: I am fucking terrified. Going to a club to perform material that didn’t go well last time.

- November 13: I arrive at the comedy club. See the sign that reminds me the audience has paid $10 to get in. None of the pub nights cost money for the audience. So this will be my first time performing to people who have paid money so if I’m terrible then I am personally wasting their money as well as their time. There is an actual stage (a very low one, but still). They turn out the lights and put a spotlight on the performer. They play entrance music and everything. It is much more intimidating than a pub night.

I’m on third. The host is a comedian I very much like, doing stuff that I think is funny, but the audience isn’t laughing. The first guy up is an established pro comedian whom I also like (and used to run a school wrestling team with him in 2015, actually, but that’s another story), he also doesn’t do great. I talk to my brother, who’s on later in the bill than I am. He warns me that this crowd seems quiet in general, so I shouldn’t feel bad if they don’t laugh much at me either, I should be mentally prepared for that. I pace around the back being very nervous.

- November 13: Guys it went so fucking well! I did my two bits, I remembered everything, I think I said it in all the right order and did it right. And it worked! They laughed! Afterward multiple came and told me I did well! I was not mentally prepared for how you can’t see the audience if you’re in a spotlight and they’re in the dark, that threw me off, also the light hurt my eyes a bit, but once I was used to it I realized that not seeing the audience is slightly easier. It was good! It was so good and I’m so happy.

I have to say thank you, again, to my Tumblr friends @my-excellent-bicycle, who listened to the stuff I'd recorded alone in bedroom early in the year and told me what was good in it, because the bit he said was good is what became the first bit I performed. The second bit I ran by @lastweeksshirttonight, who was also super kind and supportive and helpful with advice. And, you know, I never would have tried without having comedy Tumblr in general. I am still a bit high on the adrenaline of how exciting that was.

...I feel like I should clarify, again, that all I actually did was sign up for an amateur night and do six minutes. It was the bar area in the basement, not even the proper club room, which is upstairs. It was not particularly objectively impressive. But subjectively, I'm really fucking excited about it.

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sonofthemoon2 · 2 years

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based on this post from @titforatat, I imagined something like this:

"Mike had his eyes fixed on the paper in Will's hands. His painting.

His ears were ringing, barely registering the muffled sound of his own voice. Will had his painting, the precious gift he had made for Mike.

It didn't matter if the idea to give him a drawing hadn't come from him, if it had just been a commission, if he was only painting for Mike because his sister had asked him to.

That wasn't important to Mike's record, it only mattered that it was something Will had done, something he had worked diligently on. His art.

He had given his art to Mike.

"Will... Will, please give it back to me. " he pleaded, his voice sounding high and brittle, very different. Strange. Even to him. "It's my painting, Will... please."

Mike didn't understand what was going on. He didn't understand how they'd gone from talking about Mike and El's expected breakup to this. To him being a distraught mess and Will being angry.

Disappointed.

What had Mike done? How had he managed to disappoint Will again? Hurt him again? What was wrong with him?

He didn't know. He didn't understand.

He just wanted his painting back.

"Your painting? Yours?!" he bristled, waving the paper in the air. Will looked more than furious. Hurt, tired and disappointed. For Mike. "Do you know how long it took me to do this, for you? Only for you to throw it all away... everything I said, everything I did to get you together, in the trash Mike. My efforts...in the rubbish."

Mike flinched.

He didn't like being yelled at. He especially didn't like being yelled at by Will.

He felt so devastated. They weren't like this before, what had happened to them?

How did they get to this point?

Will started pacing back and forth, ranting on and on about how insensitive and ungrateful he had been.

How had he managed to break his friendship with Will like this? Had he damaged their bond so badly?

When had their bond gone from a safety line to a noose around both their necks?

This was wrong, it shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't feel like this.

But that was something Mike was familiar with. There were a lot of feelings he shouldn't have.

They were wrong. They were out of place.

They made him act bad. Really bad.

"W-Will, please? " he pleaded, reaching out to him. His tears burned in his tear ducts and the lump in his throat pressed harder and harder. He couldn't breathe, couldn't even speak properly. "Please, I-"

"Shut up, Mike. And forget it. " he cut him off, pulling away even further. For a brief second, he looked at Mike's face, but then he looked back at the painting. And he smashed it. He broke it into as many pieces as he could.

Mike felt his own heart break. As if Will had pulled the vital organ out of his own chest and crushed it.

"You don't deserve to have this. You don't deserve my art, my effort, or me."

Mike knew that. He knew it all too well.

He'd never deserved to have a friend like Will, so understanding and kind. Sweet enough to put up with Mike.

But he knew that someday his time would be up, and Will would realize he could do so much better.

Mike was replaceable, and any day he could say that. Any day.

Will stormed out of Mike's room, leaving the pieces of paper scattered on the floor. What had once been a beautiful painting was now just pieces.

What had been his friendship with Will, that irreplaceable relationship was now shattered, cracked and broken because of Mike. Because Mike didn't know how to feel properly, how to explain himself clearly.

Mike had ruined everything.

And now he had lost Will, again. Again.

He dropped to the floor, tears spilling down his cheeks without restraint. It didn't matter if he cried.

He pressed his trembling fingers against his mouth, drowning out as much of the disturbing noises as possible. He didn't want to get his mother's attention, how could he? He didn't want to force her to try to untangle his brain, didn't want her eyes hooded with disappointment.

He had to manage on his own. To fend for himself, after all, what would be different? All his life he had been taught that the way was to be self-sufficient. That he had to take care of himself.

That was the only way.

And he couldn't be a burden. Not now. He didn't want his mother to be angry with him for not feeling bad properly, or for showing more than he should.

It was wrong. It was so wrong.

Mike was so wrong about everything."

and bam, in the end it's a pseudo illusion, like Will's disappearance in the first season, and Vecna takes Mike away for two whole years. ta-da.

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late-to-the-magnus-archives · 1 year

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QUIT: a One-Shot Magnus Archives Fic

It’s a stupid-drafty manor—huge, never properly lit, all its frippery fraying at the edges. It has literal skeletons in the walls. It has too many rooms, a foyer right out of Crimson Peak, an empty cement hole with crumbling cherubs in the back yard that might have once been someone’s idea of a pond, and a library with more cursed books than Gerry could shake a match at.

The part of Gerry that once used Sharpies to blacken his eyebrows loves this place with a truly unholy passion.

If only it didn’t belong to the reason the world was going to end.

——-

Tragedy one-shot? Check.

Extinction Martin? Check.

Gerry/Jon if you squint? Check.

Bittersweet ending? Check.

Major character death. Y'all are warned.

AO3 link | Playlist

QUIT

“Really?” says Gerry.

Jon won’t look at him. Instead, he exhales, smoke funneling between his lips in a slow, controlled fog. “Really.”

Gerry rolls his eyes.

“I felt that,” says Jon, who isn’t looking at him, who doesn’t need to look at him anymore to know what Gerry does.

“So today’s a day of broken promises, is it?” says Gerry, leaning on the wall beside him. The brick shows through his arms; breeze picks up, erasing the evidence of Jon’s transgression, but doesn’t move Gerry’s long hair at all.

“I’m not breaking a promise,” says Jon. “I’m… relapsing.”

“Elias?” says Gerry.

“No,” says Jon, and takes another drag.

Gerry’s sigh matches pace with Jon’s exhale. Elbow on the wall, he props his head on his hand, watching Jon.

“So it’s floors and short walls, now,” Jon remarks, still not looking at him. “Or are you just pretending to lean on that? Getting a ghostly core workout? Or is it only horizontal structures that support you?”

Gerry laughs softly. “Keep asking, Archivist. I’m sure it’ll all make sense someday.”

“There have to be rules of some kind,” Jon says, and points at Gerry with the cigarette. “And you know not to call me Archivist.”

“If you’re going to be a twat, I get to call you what I want,” says Gerry.

Jon doesn’t rise to that, doesn’t respond at all, and that’s how Gerry knows it was really bad today.

Jon exhales again.

The smoke drifts away from them, lingering over dead grass, past the few old-growth trees in the back of the estate, dissipating in the direction of the town.

“So,” says Gerry, drawing the word out. “What’d he do?”

“Made me watch,” says Jon, which means exactly nothing.

“That’s every day.” And he guesses. “Did you finally find Martin?”

Jon’s jaw tightens. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s nice,” says Gerry, who never learned good boundaries growing up, who never lived in a world that rewarded them. “What was it then? Basira hot on the trail?”

“Fuck,” says Jon, so quietly it almost didn’t happen, and finally stubs out the cigarette on the wall. Defiantly, he leaves it there.

“You know that won’t upset Elias, right?” says Gerry as Jon walks away. “You’re littering, Dickavist.”

Jon pauses. “Pick it up yourself, then, unless the rules say you can’t,” he snaps, and walks away.

Wow. It was really bad today.

Gerry shrugs to no one and floats back inside.

Gerry still doesn’t feel things the way he should. There’s a numbness there, silently stifling; it got really bad when Herbert and Montauk still had his book. When he still was a book.

But like his ability to touch, it’s been slowly getting better, too. Maybe it’s because of Jon, maybe not; this is all unknown territory.

One thing Gerry feels quite keenly now, as he floats inside: Elias is a monster, but damn, the man has taste.

It’s a stupid-drafty manor—huge, never properly lit, all its frippery fraying at the edges. It has literal skeletons in the walls. It has three cellars and an underground rail line to an abandoned coal mine. It has too many rooms, a foyer right out of Crimson Peak, an empty cement hole with crumbling cherubs in the back yard that might have once been someone’s idea of a pond, and a library with more cursed books than Gerry could shake a match at.

The part of Gerry that once used Sharpies to blacken his eyebrows loves this place with a truly unholy passion.

If only it didn’t belong to the reason the world was going to end.

“Still here?” says Elias, who manages to pull off the velvet dressing gown look. The man looks sleepy; he’s got tea in a china cup so fine that even the diffused light of this place makes it glow. “You’re free to wander, you know. You could go elsewhere and bother other people.”

Slowly, languorously, Gerry flips him off with both hands.

Elias sighs. “I will find your book, Mr. Keay. When I do, there are many things I could do with it that do not involve your… release. One might think you have better things to do than aggravate me in the interim.”

“One might think you have better things to do than suck a dick,” says Gerry with great cheer.

“So you talked to Jon.” Elias sips his tea.

Gerry doesn’t deny it. He knows he’s always bitchier after Elias has finished with Jon for the day, and he is long past the point where anything like that could embarrass him. “Get anything out of the daily torture session?”

“Yes,” says Elias. “Martin’s taken a secondary school.”

Ah.

Gerry sighs. “Well, that explains that.”

“Indeed.” Elias sips. “Unfortunately, it seems to have brought out Jon’s more… obstreperous nature.. He walked out before we were finished. Quite inconvenient.”

Even knowing how awful he is, some days, Elias still takes Gerry’s breath away. “Wow,” Gerry says. “Wow.”

“Yes, yes. I’m quite the monster. If you see him, do tell him we need to continue, won’t you? Unless he wants more schools to be taken, of course.” And Elias continues down the hall toward whatever psychopath thing he has next on his agenda.

Gerry had been going to give Jon some space. Jon wasn’t fun to be around when he was in his head quite this deeply, but a school…

Children…

Gerry sighs. “Damn,” he mutters to himself, going through the trouble of walking up the stairs instead of floating.

He doesn’t want the Extinction to win.

He doesn't care that much about what any of the Fears are doing these days, particularly. But the Extinction just feels so… personal.

Offensive, Gerry realizes, and puzzles over that thought. He finds the Extinction offensive, and isn’t sure why.

He doesn’t bother to knock on Jon’s door.

Jon’s on the canopy bed, fully clothed, face down.

“Nice,” says Gerry, floating over. “I’d paint this, if I could still hold a brush. Call it, Perfectly Useless Despair, and hang it on the front wall.”

Jon is silent.

Gerry goes for broke. “Elias told me it was a school.”

“Secondary school,” says Jon into his pillow. “Children. Small children, turned to pieces of warped plastic and concrete. Small children, their shadows ripped away from them with screams and transformed into Inheritors that only vanished in the sunlight because we got damned lucky. Children. Martin… Martin’s…” Jon stops.

Gerry climbs onto the bed and lies on his back next to Jon, staring at the faded canopy. “Well,” he says. “That sucks.”

Jon pushes himself up on his elbows just so he can scowl at him.

Gerry looks at him, expression mild.

Jon’s scowls are cute. Gerry wants to muss his hair. He suspects he might be able to, soon. He’s getting a lot better at touching things these days.

“So?” says Gerry. “What’s to be done about it?”

“Nothing,” Jon snaps. “That’s the… that’s the whole thing. There’s nothing to be done.”

“Not according to Elias,” says Gerry.

“Elias is wrong,” says Jon, just because.

“Then why are you still here?” says Gerry. “Letting him use you like this.”

He wonders if Jon has any idea how good his sad puppy look is. Probably not.

“Because he might not be wrong,” says Jon, softer. “What if I can stop him, somehow? What if I…” Jon flops back down, face into the pillow.

“I mean, you can’t,” says Gerry. “That’s not what you’re trying to do, remember? Not stop him. Expose him. But you still think you can save him instead, don’t you? Pull him back from the fire, and all that?”

“He doesn’t know what he’s doing,” says Jon into the pillow. “He’s not… evil. He’s lost.”

“I think you’re half right,” says Gerry. “He’s lost. He’s lost his hope, lost his way, lost everything. Thinks this is what has to happen, somehow. But he does know what he’s doing.”

Jon makes a small, heartbroken sound.

Gerry likes Jon’s sounds—he’s such a vocal person—but not the bad ones. Not this.

So he goes for truth as the only healing balm he knows.

“I can’t even see him like you do, and I know he knows what he’s doing. You won’t be able to help him if you don’t acknowledge that much.” Gerry’s tone isn’t gentle. He doesn’t really do gentle; it seems like false comfort, unfamiliar and cheap.

Jon shakes a little. Possibly crying.

Gerry purses his lips. “Hey.”

Nothing.

“Hey. Let me ask you this. If you could talk to Martin now—but not as he is now, before Peter got hold of him, and it all went wrong—what do you think he’d want you to do?”

“You sound like Elias,” says Jon, and the tightness in his voice says Gerry was right about the crying.

“Stab a man in the heart, why don’t you,” says Gerry. “Really, though. Would he ask you to just let him wander around doing this? Or would he ask you to stop him?”

“He’d ask me to save him,” says Jon, and they both know it’s a lie.

“Uh, huh,” says Gerry. “So you think he wants you to save him, while it’s costing lives. Not stop him. To let more people die while you try to figure out a way to rescue someone completely consumed by a Fear.”

No one can undo that. They both know it.

“I,” says Jon.

“First time he’s done children, right?” says Gerry. “Won’t be the last. He’s been building up to it.”

“I know,” whispers Jon.

Gerry sighs.

Gerry knows Elias is waiting upstairs in hopes that Jon will resume their session—this intense diving into the Eye via both their powers, extending Jon’s abilities, utilizing Elias’ experience.

It’s brutal. It’s violational. It’s increasing Jon’s strength tenfold by the day, and… that’s what seems to be needed.

The more keenly Jon can see Martin, the better chance he has of seeing past his protections, making him vulnerable, somehow. Because apparently, Martin can’t just be shot, or blown up, or whatever, so it’s going to require something extra.

No one from the other powers will go near him anymore. Not since Martin turned Peter Lukas into a pressed-ash statue of himself. Not since Martin reduced Jared Hopworth to a pool of grease like dirty fossil fuel. Not since Jude Perry’s fire turned toxic, and she burned, screaming, leaving weird, sulfurous smears all over the road.

The Extinction isn’t vulnerable in any of the usual ways.

But Martin Blackwood might be. Which would require seeing him, stripping him free like peeling off his skin. Gerry’s not fully clear on how it works because he was never an avatar of anything. Just knew how to work the system, like his mum.

It’s all a mess.

“So,” says Gerry. “I have a growing suspicion.”

“Good for you,” mutters Jon.

“I think you’re already strong enough to do it.”

Jon goes so, so still.

Bingo, Gerry thinks, and is inordinately pleased that he knows something Elias (possibly) does not. “I’ve got an idea.”

Jon grunts.

“Let’s go for a walkabout.”

Jon turns his head slowly to stare at him.

Oh, hi, Gerry thinks, because their faces are inches apart, and it’s nice.

“A walkabout,” grumps Jon.

“Yeah,” says Gerry. “I’ll go with you. You don’t have to do anything. We’ll just… walk and see. Get out of the Haunted Mansion. Remember why you’re even bothering to try to stop the Extinction in the first place.”

Jon scowls.

“Afraid?” Gerry smirks at him.

“Don’t be absurd. Of course I am.”

“Good. You’ll go all superpowered then.”

Jon rolls his eyes.

Gerry thinks he can almost feel Jon’s irritated huff. Or maybe not, but it’s nice to imagine. “You really just want to stay here playing Vulcan mind-meld with Elias all day?”

“Ugh, no,” says Jon.

“Sooo?” says Gerry.

“You can do that?” says Jon, brow knitting thunderously. “Walkabout?”

“Yeah, I can.”

“How? Are you ever going to tell me how you’re getting stronger?” says Jon. “You don’t even seem to be… suffering anymore.”

He isn’t. “Sure, someday, I’ll tell you,” says Gerry. When Elias can’t see. When Elias can’t get involved, ruin things, bury them both in a bog.

Jon balances on the precipice of decision, and Gerry dearly wants to tip him over.

“You can eat ice cream while I moan lasciviously,” he says.

Jon laughs. “All right, all right,” he says, struggling off the over-soft mattress.

Gerry grins and hopes Elias is keeping score.

“I just don’t know why Martin came to Wales,” mutters Jon, his greatcoat fluttering in the wind, hands stuffed in his pockets. “Why we all had to get dragged here.”

Here is a lovely town called Caerphilly. It’s picturesque. There’s a cheese named after it. Merlin filmed here. It even has a castle.

It’s currently quarantined, traffic nearly gone, silent in the eerie way cities can be when humans have to stay inside.

“What, Elias’ Playboy Mansion doesn’t make it all worth the journey?” says Gerry.

Jon snorts. “He stole it.”

“Color me surprised. Did he kill anyone?”

Jon sighs. “Not exactly.”

Gerry waits. Jon doesn’t fill him in.

“Evil overlord, just less evil than the other evil overlord,” says Gerry, striding along beside him and absolutely unconcerned if anyone thinks he’s a ghost.

Jon doesn’t care, either. It’s all gone beyond that.

A woman hurries by, almost running. She’s carrying an umbrella, which she holds up to hide her face.

“They still think if he can’t see you, he can’t get you,” Jon murmurs, not turning his head to see her.

He. Martin.

“Makes sense,” says Gerry. “He was Eye, first. They all feel watched.”

“It’s not going to protect anyone,” says Jon. “They’re still going to work. They’re still going to school. He’s aiming for gatherings. Someone needs to tell them.”

The news hasn’t told anything much. Terrorist attacks is all that filters through, because nobody knows what it is, and the ECDC doesn’t know what it is, and whatever Section 31 officers are involved here have either succumbed to the trouble or have found nothing of use.

They won’t, either. There’s nothing of use to find.

“Good news,” says Gerry. “Nobody will tell them, and it’ll all get swept under the rug, and the conclusion will be utterly unsatisfying.”

Jon eyes him. “Thanks for that.”

“Not my first merry-go-round,” says Gerry.

“It’s the Senghenydd Disaster,” says Jon suddenly, knowing it. “It wasn’t the worst colliery tragedy, nor even the most damaging, but… for some reason, that’s the one. That’s the reason he came here.”

“A coal thing? Huh. Guess that works. Pollution, or whatever.”

“This isn’t Captain Planet,” Jon mutters.

Gerry beams at him like he won something. “A pop culture reference? Really?”

“I don’t live under a rock.”

“Debatable,” says Gerry, pleased that he can pull Jon out from under said rock.

“He came here because it’s the only vacation he remembers taking when his father was around, and he learned what happened, and that hundreds died because the recommended safety updates were ignored. Greed mattered more than lives. Martin learned about the explosions, and felt awful,” says Jon. “He got angry. Angry at humans for it. It seeded… something in him.”

“That’s sad,” says Gerry, and means it. “How does it all feel to you?”

“Doomed.” Jon sighs and hunches his shoulders. “I think he could be moving much faster than he is, though.”

“But he hasn’t. Maybe he’s waiting for you.”

Gerry hadn’t meant that to punch Jon in the chest, but it seems to have. Jon stops walking and closes his eyes.

“Hey. You’re supposed to eat ice cream while I moan at you, remember?” says Gerry.

Jon smiles weakly. “Yeah. Even though it’s cold.”

“Shop up there’s open.”

Jon doesn't order ice cream. He does get a tea.

The person behind the counter won’t look at them. Is wearing a hat with a visor that covers the top half of their face.

Jon sighs.

“What are they calling him now?” says Gerry.

“The Smoking Man,” says Jon. “That’s what the children who—“ He stops.

“They called him that? To his face?”

“They never even saw him. He walked into the school, and just… just walked through the halls, doing nothing, doing… everything. He didn’t even stop. He just walked through one door and out the other, and when he left, nothing in there was alive.”

“Definitely escalating, then.”

Jon stares at his tea.

“How many people live here?” says Gerry.

“Currently, down from 43,407 to 34,248. Most have left, but… quite a few have died.”

Gerry whistles, low. “And the rest can’t leave.”

“Definitely not. The ECDC won’t let them.”

“You’ve been strong enough to end this for a while now, haven’t you?” says Gerry.

Jon looks… so sad.

Gerry gets it. Sort of. He suspects Jon’s love is different from his in manifestation and form, but he sort of gets it. “Why, then, are you letting Elias do this to you every day?”

“As long as I cooperate, he won’t… he won’t just… try to use someone else,” says Jon.

“Can’t, can he? Long as you’re the—“ Gerry stage whispers—“Archivist.”

“He could do loads of things with cannon fodder. He could shoot me and pick someone else, too. But…“ Jon stops.

“But?”

“Something I figured out, is all. During our sessions.” Jon finally sips his tea, and makes a face. “Ugh.”

“Don’t leave me hanging.”

“I don’t know if he can hear us now, or see us, or anything,” says Jon. “I can’t say.”

“You think you know something he doesn’t know you know? He’s literally splashing around in your head like a kiddy pool half the day.”

Jon says nothing.

“You know, you could just… remove the problem,” says Gerry.

Jon understands what he’s saying. “If I kill him, I kill everyone who works at the Institute.”

Gerry sighs. “You can’t save everybody, can you?”

“You think I don’t know that?” Jon looks up, eyes burning, power thrumming through his gaze, and it’s so much.

Wow, Gerry thinks, and almost has to look away.

“You think I don’t know I can’t save everybody? That I keep having to… watch them die in front of me, or find out they died after a coma, or—“

“People die. It’s awful, but it happens.” Gerry puts his hand on Jon’s, and it works.

Jon freezes. Stares down.

His hand shows beneath Gerry’s, like an optical illusion.

“I know,” says Gerry. “All right? I know this isn’t easy. Neither of us have ever had easy choices to make. I get it.” It’s not gentle, but it is real, and it undoes some knot in Jon.

Jon slumps forward over his tea, not moving his hand. He covers his face with his other one. “I can’t save Martin. I know that.”

“So you’re just putting off the hard thing.”

“I… don’t want him to be him when I have to do whatever it is I have to do.”

“But if he’s gone that far, how many people will he have killed?”

Jon says nothing.

“What are you going to do, anyway?” Gerry says. “I get the exposing him, or whatever. But what then?”

“There’s a sniper.”

Gerry blinks. “What, really?”

“At least one. I haven’t looked that closely.”

“That would be a thing,” says Gerry, shaking his head.

Jon looks at their hands. “How did you do this?”

“Doesn’t matter right now,” says Gerry. “Wasn’t actually sure it would work.”

“Feels like a puff of air, almost.”

“Better than nothing. Hey—you’ll be able to share that cigarette soon.”

“After you made me promise to quit? You hypocrite,” says Jon, smiling weakly.

“Can dead people even be hypocrites?”

Jon laughs softly. It’s got a note of wonder in it, and Gerry privately determines to make him laugh like that again. “I don’t think even Thomas Aquinas thought of that one.”

“Bet you he did,” says Gerry. “And it’s in a weird manuscript that somehow got written by him three years before he was born, and Leitner got hold of it in 1973.”

“And it belongs to the Vast, and makes you dance on the head of a pin,” Jon says.

They both laugh.

Jon’s smile fades, and he holds Gerry’s gaze with one that no longer burns, but is just a man’s. “Elias wants me marked by the Extinction,” he says.

“What?”

“That’s why he’s so determined it’s got to be me. That… desire is enough for him to keep me alive, and not go after anyone else. And it’s important to me he doesn’t go after anyone else.”

“Marked by the—why?” says Gerry.

Jon looks down again. “I don’t think he wanted me to know, but… a little late for that.”

“I usually know more than you do in terms of the esoteric stuff,” says Gerry, “but you’ve lost me on this one.”

“He wants me marked by all of them. All the Fears. Then he thinks if I… do the Eye’s ritual, for the Watcher’s Crown—”

”But why would he… that wouldn’t just bring the Eye. If you were actually marked by everybody. That’d…” Gerry inhales. “Fuck me, that would work.”

Jon looks at him. “You got it already?”

He snorts. “The way I was raised? Yeah, of course. And yeah, it really would work. Heh—my mum would be eating herself if she found this out because she hadn’t thought of it first.” Gerry makes a face. “Though if she had….”

“She’d have tried it with you,” says Jon, quietly.

“Maybe,” he says. “After she figured out the whole von Closen legacy thing wasn’t going to happen.”

“You’re not exactly old,” says Jon. “She gave up on it awfully quickly.”

“Yeah, well.” Gerry shrugs. “She took it personally when I came out at fourteen. What can you do?”

“My grandmother never asked, nor addressed the topic in any way,” says Jon, looking at the table. “I have absolutely no idea how she’d have responded to something like asexuality. Physical intimacy did not exist in my house.”

Gerry shakes his head. “Meanwhile, my mum used to bring in random men for rituals she made up, and whatever she did to them, they always left tasting blood.”

“That’s… specific,” says Jon.

“Yeah, breakfast conversations were real fucked up,” says Gerry cheerfully.

“Makes me wonder how we aren’t all completely insane,” says Jon.

“We’re miracles,” says Gerry, so seriously that Jon laughs again.

“Dancing on the head of a pin.”

“Wings?”

“Of course we have wings, if we’re taking the place of angels,” says Jon, and it’s a smile like the hint of sunrise.

Then Jon goes very still. All the color drains from his face.

Gerry doesn’t even have to ask, but he does. “What?”

“He’s here.”

That was fast, thinks Gerry.

“Did you know this would happen?” whispers Jon.

“No.” It’s mostly true.

Jon stands, leaving his tea half-drunk, and heads out the door.

Gerry really wishes he’d been there to see Martin take out Peter Lukas. Though from what Jon told him, maybe it wouldn’t have been so good to see.

It had all been building for months to that one moment beneath the Institute, in the heart of the Panopticon that Gertrude hypothesized but never really found.

Months of Martin forced to study the Extinction, to obsess over it, to consider it from every angle.

Months of avoiding Jon while trying to save him, of bleeding himself out to keep Jon from drowning.

And there, standing over Jonah Magnus’ body while Elias and Peter had a smug-off, Martin was quietly breaking.

It must have been happening for some time, but who knew? It wasn’t like he’d talked to anyone.

And when Jon had arrived, trying to help, desperate to save Martin, Peter had just… reacted, shoving Jon into the Lonely without so much as a by-your-leave.

Because of a bet. Because, somehow, of Elias.

Jon had been trapped, separated as if by glass, and won’t talk about how it felt—but oh, he could still see what was happening.

Saw Martin’s face twist, something behind his eyes breaking.

Saw Elias’s expression change when he realized there’d been a miscalculation.

Saw Peter’s smirk as he turned back to Martin and told him to get stabbing.

Instead, Martin turned Peter into volcanic ash.

It wasn’t fast.

It wasn’t quiet.

Elias had already run, or he’d probably have died, too.

Jon had watched, his shouts muffled as if in snow, his self insubstantial and forever alone. Crying words he could not hear as he watched Martin sob on his knees, watched him beat his fists bloody on the ground, and then watched him… calm.

Watched Martin lift his head and look right at him, trapped in thick and choking mist.

And Martin watched Jon aching, watched Jon weeping, watched Jon feeling more separated than he ever had in his life.

And Martin had nodded, and just… walked away.

Like this had decided him.

Like he was done.

It had taken Jon a week to walk out of the Lonely on his own.

By then, it was far too late.

Gerry understands being done.

He’s been done. It’s a bad place to be.

Jon understands, too, though, and that’s… not so good.

Jon’s like a bloodhound now, marching up the street, up the hill, unerring in direction while Gerry follows behind.

It’s surprising to Gerry that he can feel Martin coming. It’s cold.

Not temperature-cold. This is some other kind of thing, a sucking thing, draining color and air and life.

They crest the hill, and there he is.

It just looks like Martin. A large man, sweet-faced, in a simple cable-knit sweater and jeans. There is nothing in his body language or expression that indicates any kind of threat.

With one exception.

Martin’s eyes are gone, and smoke curls from his skull like the lazy smolder from a dying junkyard fire.

“Hi, Jon,” says Martin, and it’s his voice, but it isn’t, and it itches in Gerry’s head, even though he doesn’t have a head to itch.

Jon is already crying, though quietly. Tears stream down his face, dampening his beard.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” says Martin, and it’s so gentle, and so kind. He holds out his hand.

Not what Gerry expected, that’s for sure.

“I’m so sorry,” says Jon.

“It’s okay,” says Martin. “I’ve fixed it.”

“Fixed… Martin, you’re killing people.”

“I’m saving them. Do you know what happens if they stay here? Do you?” And no one with smoke pouring out of their heads should seem so kind, and so certain, and so good. “They get eaten, or burned. Or chased, or manipulated. They get twisted, and isolated, and burrowed into, and stared at until they go mad. But you know that, Jon. It’s all happened to you already.”

His hand is still out, and it feels like the world has gone still.

Gerry says not one word. He has no idea if Martin could do something to him or not, but if they all get through this, he wants to be there after.

It surprises him, honestly. But it’s a good feeling, so Gerry settles into it and waits.

Jon seems to be trying to answer. He keeps swallowing, over and over, looking from Martin’s face to his hand. “I don’t understand.”

Martin smiles, and it is sweet like setting sun shining on honey. “I know. But I do.”

“Martin, they… were children.”

“Remember when you asked me to gouge out our eyes together and run away?” says Martin as if recalling a date.

Well, Jon hadn’t told Gerry about that. Mental note made.

“Yes,” whispers Jon.

“And I wouldn’t do it. Remember?”

“Yes,” whispers Jon.

“I’m sorry. You had the right idea.”

“I…”

Martin’s hand is still out.

Jon, seemingly unaware, has taken one step toward him.

“You put the choice on me, and I didn’t listen. Remember?”

Jon doesn’t answer this time. He’s unblinking, staring.

Martin waits. He’s as unmoving as the mountains.

“Why are you… telling me this?” says Jon. He takes another step.

“Because I made the hard choice this time. You don't have to, Jon. It's okay. Take my hand.”

Jon looks at it for a long moment, then back at Martin. “And what then?”

“And then we stop all of this. No rituals. No Entities. It’s all over. Take my hand.”

“I don’t… want to kill anyone,” says Jon.

“You don’t have to. I’m doing the hard thing so you don’t have to. I’m done, Jon. So are you. I’m done watching you be hurt. You’re done with all these people and everything as much as I am.”

Jon’s voice breaks. “I… I can’t.”

“Can’t what? Just be with me? I love you, you know.”

Jon’s shoulders slump. “I love you, too.”

“Just be with me. That’s all I want.”

“Until… it’s over?”

“Until it’s over. Just be with me. I don’t really want anything else.”

Jon’s walking, and reaching out.

And then Martin has him by the hand, and Martin is pulling him in, and they’ve come together with a slow perfection like the inevitable clash of stars, and Jon’s eyes close as they kiss, but Martin’s don’t.

And Martin’s dipping him just slightly, just enough to keep Jon off balance, and Jon’s arms are around his neck, and the kiss goes on, and on, and on.

Gerry forgot that Jon doesn’t need to have his eyes open anymore to do things.

Things are changing.

Jon fits in Martin’s arms, fits in a way Gerry has trouble parsing, a way he’s never seen fitting before. Martin’s arms go from steady to tight, his hands from holding to clutching, and desperation speeds their kiss into something like gasping, into starvation and sharpness and need.

And when Jon opens his eyes, he is in grief and at peace and on the precipice of great sorrow, and it pierces even though Gerry isn’t the focus at all.

“Until it's over?” whispers Jon.

“Until it's over,” whispers Martin, and his voice doesn’t itch, and tears are sliding down his cheeks and onto Jon’s collar. Smoke still rises from his empty eyes, but it’s turned white like a clean, sweet fire of freshly hewn wood, and he is trembling. “I’m sorry, Jon. I’m so sorry.”

“I love you,” Jon whispers back.

The shot rings out.

Gerry thinks, Oh. We were being followed by a sniper, and then Jon is sobbing, and all the sound in the world comes back, including all the sirens they hadn’t known were there.

They couldn’t make Jon leave Martin’s body until it had completely turned to dust.

Dust is the wrong word, but it… well, it didn’t decay. There was no odor, and no rot; it just… wasn’t alive anymore, in a way that defied paltry things like bacteria and the release of gasses.

What’s left looks like cotton so old it’s gone brittle.

Organic matter is what Gerry hears some of them mutter when Jon is finally coaxed away.

It’s all been so weird of late that nobody even cares that Gerry’s hovering around like a ghost.

Jon has not spoken. Daisy speaks—Daisy, who made the shot, who’s been following Jon since they came up here, waiting for the one moment her shot would actually count.

Jon ignores her. And the emergency workers. And everyone. He sits in the back of an ambulance, wrapped in a thin, silvery blanket, staring at nothing.

Gerry is familiar with grief, has always known sorrow. He doesn't know how to do comfort like an ordinary person, but he can be here, so… he will.

Gerry sits beside him. “Hey.”

Nothing.

“I’d like to share that cigarette now,” says Gerry.

Jon manages to look at him. “It’s over.”

“It—” says Gerry, then realizes Jon isn’t looking at him. Jon’s looking through him.

He turns to find Elias.

Elias, who looks like Christmas came early. “Jon. You’ve done so well.”

“It’s over,” says Jon. “I know what you planned. It won’t happen.”

“Of course, Jon, whatever you say,” Elias lies through his teeth, and smiles. “I take it you’re going back to London right away?”

Jon doesn’t answer. He keeps staring.

Elias’ smile falters.

Gerry can’t see a change in Jon’s look, but he can feel it.

A heat, this time, the opposite of what Martin was doing, a tidal thing, a filling thing, renewing color and air and life.

And whatever it is, it is making Elias shake in his fancy shoes.

Elias looks like he’s seen… well, a ghost. He can’t seem to look away from Jon.

“Do you believe me now?” says Jon.

Elias nods sharply. He sets his jaw. “I’ll see you back at the Institute,” he promises, dire, and walks away.

“Go to hell,” Jon mutters, and huddles under his thin silver blanket.

“You have got to tell me what happened there,” says Gerry.

“I started to unravel him.”

“Right. What’s that?”

“Untie him from his god. I can unhook him.”

“You… what?” Gerry stares. “You can make someone unbecome?”

“No. No, he can’t be… freed. Nobody can. But I could end him.”

Gerry whistles, low. “Would you really do it? What about all the other people connected to the Institute?”

“I can’t save everyone,” Jon says darkly.

This is a hard day to be Jon, Gerry thinks, and touches his hand.

Jon looks up as though swimming up from a deep well. Tears still fill his eyes, unshed.

“Let’s get out of here,” says Gerry. “Not back to the Playboy Mansion, either. If you’re willing to do a little impersonation, I do have a good bit squared away in the bank. Bet it’s still there.”

“Look, this is absurd. Can you even do that?” says Jon. “Where is your book? How can you run around like this, and… do this?” He puts his other hand over Gerry’s, and it works.

Gerry grins. It’s a naughty grin, the one his mum used to call up to trouble. “Still haven’t figured it out?”

“No, I haven’t figured it out. You just appeared, a few days after the Lonely. You’ve been with me ever since, and you haven’t told me how.”

“Some Archivist you are.”

“Gerry…”

“It’s you.”

Jon blinks at him in confusion that Gerry honestly finds adorable. “What?”

“Sims,” says Daisy, wandering over. “They need a debrief.”

“I won’t give one,” says Jon.

Daisy ignores Gerry with a will. “You have to.”

“No, I don’t, any more than you have to report all the bodies you buried in the woods. Make it go away, Daisy. I’m done.”

Daisy gives him a searing look, but she walks off.

Jon turns back. “Explain.”

“Like I said, it’s you. When you read my page. It didn’t matter that you burned it, because I’m… archived, I guess.” He shrugs. “I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m written in you. So, uh. Bit awkward, but you’re stuck with me.”

Jon stares. He wipes his face on his sleeve. Looks more than a little lost. “I… I think I’m… actually fine with that. I’m sorry you’re stuck with me, though.”

“I’m not. Though I’m sorry about Martin,” says Gerry, trying.

Jon smiles a strange smile, small and sad and final. “I did save him, in the end. In a way.”

“He was himself when he died.”

“Yes.”

“The thing you didn't want to have happen.”

“This was about him, not me. It… was all I could give him.”

Gerry studies him. “I don’t know how to be… comforting. But I can be with you while you figure it out. And I still owe you some inappropriate ice cream. So… let’s go, Jon.”

Jon hesitates.

“It’s a choice, you know? Grief has to be walked through. You can’t outrun it, or hide.”

Jon exhales slowly. “I… I think I understand. What will we do?”

And Gerry says the first thing that comes to mind. “Quit.”

Jon laughs weakly. “I can’t. I can’t quit being Archivist. Quit the Eye. Any of it.”

“Maybe not, but we can do it our own way, can’t we?”

“I…”

“Look,” says Gerry. “I followed Gertrude around, and she did whatever the hell she wanted for fifty years. I think the world can handle you going just a little bit rogue.”

Jon looks him in the eye.

It’s almost too much.

Gerry loves it. “Intense,” he says.

Jon looks at their hands. “Like touching a whisper,” he says.

“Is that a yes, or…” says Gerry.

“Yes. Let’s go. Back to London, and then…”

“Quit.”

“Quit.” Jon smiles a little. “Somehow, some way. We quit.”

“They’ll never know what hit them,” says Gerry, hopping down from the ambulance.

He offers his hand. Maybe it’s too soon; maybe it’s wrong of him, to do this just after Martin.

But Gerry doesn’t think so. He thinks it’s maybe the most important thing he ever could do.

Especially when Jon takes it, grips, and it actually works.

“I won’t be okay for a while,” Jon says, softly.

Gerry nods. “I think you’re allowed.”

Jon smiles. It’s barely there, like Gerry’s hand, but it is there.

They’re gone before Daisy or anyone even notices, only the thin silver blanket left behind.

#tma fic #the magnus archives fic #magpod fic #jon/gerry #extinction martin #the extinction #tma fanfic #magpod #mag pod fic #gerry keay #gerard keay #jonathan sims #martin blackwood

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pyropsychiccollector · 1 year

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Class 80-A Bios

I did these up a while ago, too. Figured with Vergilsama92 properly introducing them, I should get around to posting these~

Ayumu Fujimori

The 80th year of Hope’s Peak Academy brings with it the winds of change. The “Izuru Kamukura Project” starts and stops with Hajime Hinata, and that means Jin Kirigiri has some wiggle room to make some reforms. The first of which is the abolishment of the “Ultimate Lucky Student” drawing. For the 80th Class of Hope’s Peak, there won’t be a Luckster. Not one that they handpicked from a lottery. … Enter Ayumu Fujimori. The Ultimate Unlucky Student. Her existence was uncovered through their own Nagito Komaeda, during his Graduation Exam. A girl that was the personification of bad luck, even moreso than their resident Makoto Naegi, who referred to himself as the “Unluckster”, and Nagito, who was known for both good AND bad luck. It had honestly been just a twist of fate that they discovered Ayumu Fujimori at all. But after Koichi Kizakura did some digging, they came to find out this girl was everything that the local tall tales and rumors claimed and more. By the time she was 5 years old, Ayumu had experienced 13 different accidents that almost brought about her death. Her baby stroller rolling into ongoing traffic, falling out the window of a seven-story building as a toddler, being taken hostage by a grocery store thief and ending up in a car crash with him… She survived all of this and so much more, but the bad luck just kept on coming. She could never catch a break with chores, or school tests, or even making friends… These were all “rumors” circulated by the community that Ayumu grew up in, but they proved to be very real. The worst part was that Ayumu’s father took advantage of his daughter once his wife passed away due to this same rotten luck. If Ayumu was going to make his life a living Hell, take away what he held dear, then the least she could do was make his political career take off by wreaking havoc on his rivals’ families – it wasn’t a rare occurrence for Ayumu’s father to send her away to “sleepovers” at “friends’” houses during campaign season. In fact, a system became established where Ayumu NEEDED to spend time with other families as much as possible; first it was just Ayumu’s father “getting over” the grief of losing his wife. But he soon enough spat out excuse after excuse after excuse, and the community just ate up the lies. As Ayumu’s bad luck became more widely known and recognized, there were rumors that her father was even just trying to save his own skin, considering the accidental nature of his wife’s death. His rivals never pieced it together he was using Ayumu to destroy their campaigns and lives; they simply tried to take Ayumu in as “Samaritans” and paint themselves in a good light.

… But the bad luck just kept on coming. The people that Ayumu stayed with often turned abusive once they figured out she was to blame for random incidents in their lives. In public, they would treat her decently – just so authorities wouldn’t be any the wiser. But it became accepted by the community that SOMEONE needed to pay for all their woes, and if Ayumu’s father couldn’t be bothered then they would take it out on his kid. The one responsible for all the bad luck in the first place. As such, Ayumu grew up to be very feeble and accepting of what others would do to her. She hated her rotten luck as much as everyone else did, but she was powerless to do anything on her own; no one stooped to help her – not without eventually venting on her for any inconvenience she caused them. And as long as her father “wanted” her to come back home someday, it’s not as if the community could let Ayumu commit suicide – so eventually they let up on the abuse and showered her with sporadic acts of charity and “kindness” that would keep Ayumu from considering such dark thoughts. If Ayumu died on them, then they couldn’t use her as a scapegoat anymore; so the community’s approach became very much “poisoned carrot and stick”. But it worked – Ayumu never considered suicide. She just lived a miserable, lonely existence where she was the butt of everyone’s joke. Once Koichi delivered his findings to Jin, they hatched a plan to recruit this girl to Hope’s Peak – not for the purpose of studying her bad luck, but for the purpose of trying to save her. Or at least giving her a better life than the Hell that she had. It’s not like the community Ayumu lived in could object once she accepted – as much as they wanted to interfere. Koichi personally delivered the acceptance letter so that she knew it was real, and that people couldn’t hide it from her. “Ultimate Unlucky Student” was also for the purpose of deceiving her politician father who had ties to the government, who in turn had ties to Hope’s Peak; he was the only one that could get in the way of Ayumu living a happy life, so they needed to make it seem like they were being clinical and detached about recruiting her, like all other students. … But this would be the start of a new life for Ayumu. They’d see to that.

Kazumi Izumo

The Ultimate Occult Enthusiast. Though… Don’t let her hear you call her that. She’s the “Ultimate Spirit Medium.” … Really. Her powers are real!!! In all seriousness, Kasumi Izumo has been fascinated by the supernatural ever since she was very young. She studied all there was to know about the occult until she became the leading, undisputed authority – even if she was just a kid. Though she has better presence online, because she never posts a profile picture, and most people just assume that she’s a woman well on in years. Kasumi has even written books on the supernatural – explaining where “rumors, legends, and heresy” start, and “more importantly” where they end. But she’s not just a prolific writer; Kasumi is gifted enough to argue effectively and make you at least concede the possibility that spirit mediums and the supernatural are, in fact, real. But why did Kasumi become interested in the occult in the first place? She won’t easily admit it, but it’s because her parents passed away. In the beginning, Kasumi just wanted a connection with them – and she will insist that she achieved that connection, being able to communicate with them as a spirit medium. But the more she studied the occult, the more fascinated and engrossed she became. The world was full of so many mysteries, and there was no way to explain them through natural causes. Despite her defensive attitude when others question her “abilities” and knowledge, Kasumi in fact has quite a few friends, both in Japan and around the world through her website and the blogs she frequents. She’s proven herself time and again to be knowledgeable at the very least, and people are interested enough to hear her stories. Some perhaps bonding with her over wanting to “connect” with loved ones they lost. Still, Kasumi’s personality takes some getting used to. She’s arrogant, prickly, and HATES nonbelievers, often threatening to kill people for questioning her. But even so, there’s been no precedents where she’s carried out such threats… A typical tsundere, in other words. Kasumi has a few choice words for Hope’s Peak because of the title they gave her – she keeps petitioning to have it changed to “Ultimate Spirit Medium”. … But no one’s listening.

Aruma Todoroki

The Ultimate Animal Tamer. With Gundham Tanaka’s graduation from Hope’s Peak, Kizakura found the perfect student to fill the void he left behind. Someone that could control animals… even “homo sapiens”. Oh yes, Aruma has quite the pedigree~ Aruma didn’t quite know what she wanted to be when she grew up. But she had a fondness for animals, and that’s why as a child she would become so enchanted by the circus whenever it was in town. It got to a point where Aruma’s parents wanted to spoil her “a little” – so they paid for her to study abroad, at a circus in France, the romantic capital of the world. Once Aruma traveled to France, there was no going back to how she used to be, a rather plain but loving girl… No. Now she had a powerful fire lit within her, and Aruma was determined to be the best Animal Tamer in the world~ No conquest was too great. Once she had a handle on circus animals in France, she felt that she could tame anything. ANYONE, as well. Of course, when Aruma returned to school in Japan, her former school’s staff and student body were terrified of the “wild beast” awoken within her, and they gave her a wide berth – but still applauded her ability. … To control animals. Not them. Are you crazy?! It became school policy to make Aruma leave her whip at the principal’s office at the start of every school day, and she could only pick it up after school; they wanted to take it away from her completely, but were too terrified to find out what the consequences of that might be. Aruma herself didn’t have a bad word to say about people, despite the wariness they gave her. Honestly, Aruma just wanted to make friends like she always used to; it’s just that her training from the circus had… turned her life upside down, in regards to how she took on “challenges”. Not to mention, France was a far more intimate place – Aruma rather liked how open and friendly everyone was with each other in that corner of the world. To go back to Japan where everyone was more formal and “awkward” (her word for it), it wasn’t an easy transition for her. Sure, okay, Aruma could be a LITTLE kinky and suggestive… But she was looking for a man, too, you know?!?!?! People that fell into line were nice, but she relished the orgasmic thought of one day running into a hotblooded man that would become her greatest challenge!!! Of course she’d be a little passionate about romance~ Hope’s Peak’s acceptance letter was like a godsend for Aruma. … And her previous school. They practically shooed her out the door as she eagerly accepted the invitation of the greatest academy in Japan, practically drooling and unable to sleep during her first night on-campus. Aruma was recognized as the “Ultimate” Animal Tamer, and she had no intention of relinquishing her title – she would only get better at her talent. That was a promise. But more than that… Surely she would find a worthy man here? One that would finally sate her romance-addled heart…?

Maiko Kagura

The Ultimate Dancer. Much like Aruma, Maiko arrived at just the right time, filling the void left behind by the Ultimate Traditional Dancer, Hiyoko Saionji. Only, Maiko is more well-rounded in her talent – she can perform any dance. She’s not the undisputed master at each of them, she would need time and practice to be “good” at all of them. Still, Maiko has had an interest in dancing since she was a child. … Just not in the way that you would expect. Her father abandoned her mother and Maiko when she was seven years old. This regrettably left Maiko’s mother in the position of raising a child on her own, Supporting the both of them on a single salary – and that was especially difficult in paying for school for Maiko. This left Maiko to unfortunately almost never see her mother because of the multiple jobs she needed to work to keep them fed and clothed. Not to mention, Maiko’s mother was bitter over her husband’s abandonment, and wished to avoid looking at Maiko for longer than she had to – after all, Maiko had her father’s eyes and face. If she was forced to take care of Maiko more than this, she might have taken her anger out on Maiko for making her remember who abandoned them. But the jobs kept Maiko’s mother busy, and away from such angry, resentful thoughts. Of course the downside was that Maiko had to raise herself for the most part; her mother would buy her clothes and food, but beyond that Maiko had to learn fast how to take care of herself. This left Maiko to be pretty lonely – soon enough however, it wasn’t enough that Maiko had to take care of herself, her mother wanted her to maintain their apartment while she was gone. And if Maiko wanted a pet or anything like that, she would have to handle everything with regards to raising and taking care of it. Maiko had considered getting a dog, anyway, but decided against it in favor of trying to make friends at school and maintaining the apartment, which went beyond cleaning, and involved keeping an eye on the plumbing, water, gas, heat, electricity, etc. If anything ever looked like it would malfunction, Maiko was supposed to leave a note for her mother, and she would leave money to call a plumber, electrician, or whatever Maiko needed.

Things took a turn for the worse, of course. Stress got to Maiko’s mother, and she lost most of her jobs, and it was tough finding new work. Even though her mother was home more often, she was still expected to maintain the apartment, and Maiko would get verbally abused if she “whined” too much about things getting too tough. Despite it all, Maiko loved her mother enough to look into ways that she could help cover the rent, groceries, and her school tuition. The solution she eventually found was… dancing. She started off teaching herself from online videos, and loved managing to get better and better – Maiko ended up having a knack for dance. It was the one bright spot in her life, and she became good enough that she became both a dance performer online as well as in-person. … But despite chipping in like Maiko was, Maiko’s mother grew angrier and angrier as the days and years passed. She was living on her daughter’s efforts, and not her own anymore – and Maiko was essentially a celebrity. It hardly seemed fair, and one day Maiko’s mother just wanted to take her daughter down a peg… But she did it without stopping Maiko’s career in dancing. That’s why one day, Maiko’s mother found her work in the red light district. She thought for sure that Maiko would be too uncomfortable to work a job like that, and would see even a tiny bit of the struggle her mother was going through… But despite her mother’s intentions, Maiko learned pole dancing, lap dancing, and belly dancing from the red light district and managed to somehow NOT get molested from the experiences. It probably helped that some of the people Maiko worked for in that district were fans of her work, keeping people off of her and keeping her from doing anything truly perverted. But that was the last straw for Maiko’s mother. Her last ditch effort to “teach Maiko a lesson” failed, and her daughter would just keep making the most of her life. So Maiko’s mother abandoned her without warning, leaving the apartment entirely in Maiko’s hands. Maiko was heartbroken and crushed by being left all alone – for a time, her career in dancing suffered because she was miserable and alone. She picked herself back up and relied on her fanbase as her only remaining friends – but of course, fans can be cruel and fickle. Some would inevitably lose interest in her online channel, or verbally abuse her on stage. Nevertheless, Hope’s Peak scouted her at about this time, and Maiko took it for the golden ticket that it was. She wouldn’t have to pay for tuition or living at the dorms. A load would be taken off her shoulders, and she could continue to dance to her heart’s content. … But Maiko still had abandonment issues. And those would never truly go away…

Marin Mizuta

The Ultimate Weather Forecaster. The girl that people tuned into nationwide for both morning and evening news. The girl whose weather predictions are always accurate. Always. Even Kizakura was shocked to see from the start of her career, Marin had never failed to predict how a day would turn out; like everyone else, he’d always just taken Marin to be a “more accurate than most forecasters” kind of girl. If this wasn’t a talent worthy of Hope’s Peak Academy, what was? Marin Mizuta was a nationwide celebrity that enjoyed fame without any of the drawbacks or pitfalls that regular showbusiness personalities went through. After all, she didn’t have to cheat to get ahead, or really “compete” at all. When it comes to forecasting, you’re either correct, partially wrong, or totally wrong. Marin always makes her own predictions, using her own personal data, and people just eat her up for the weather girl being her adorable, sleepy, loveable self that she is~ But how did Marin start out? What’s her “origin story”? Well, ironically enough, she shares some parallels with Chihiro Fujisaki. Her father was a weatherman, and when Marin was really young she idolized her Papa. Every time he came on the air, it was a magical time for Marin. He was like most weathermen in that he wasn’t always right, but that was okay! Nobody was perfect, and Marin and her little sister were so proud to have him as a father. … Yeah, Marin has a little sister. That’s where she gets her verbal tic from. It wasn’t long before Marin was calling herself EVERYONE’S Big Sis – even if they were older than her. Marin was just responsible like that. Still, as her childhood progressed, Marin became enthralled with learning about her father’s job. She wanted to be just like him, but more than that she wanted to help her dad get more accurate results so that everyone could see him the same way that she saw him. By the age of eight, she was learning about equipment that gathered weather data, and she started to read the patterns in said data to make predictions. Marin pointed out to her dad that the problem with the data lied in the equipment itself; a machine is only as smart as the people who made them. Her dad just tussled her hair and admitted that yes, the machines they had probably weren’t the best in the world, but it’s what the weather station could afford. And the results they got managed to match up with other weather stations across the country. What they had was good enough.

Marin wasn’t satisfied with that answer. Her dad was the best weatherman, and he should have the best equipment to sort and properly analyze the data. So by age ten, she’d researched enough about equipment from around the world to figure out what worked, and what didn’t. Of course she couldn’t just go out and buy the “good stuff” that was already in existence… If her dad’s weather station couldn’t afford it, then a ten year old certainly couldn’t. Instead, Marin innovated. She build homemade antennas and computer programs that would refine and organize the data so her father could interpret them more easily. He would get the BEST data, and there’d be room for weather fluctuations. And… when her dad found out what she’d been working on after school… He was astonished. Marin had spent ludicrous amounts of time and her allowance money to build this equipment, and amazingly enough it WORKED. Marin had needed to learn some pretty high level math and science to understand any of this; yet she’d managed to do so. By age twelve Marin was allowed to appear on the air and announce the results that she worked her butt off for. Unfortunately, she did develop a habit of falling asleep at the drop of a hat; but honestly, just building the equipment was half the battle – she kept refining it, and all that effort made her rather exhausted. … Still, it gave her an adorable quirk, don’t you think? Audiences sure seemed to think so. A kid that woke up early to give the morning news, and stayed up late to give the evening news, is it any wonder she was so tired? Of course many thought that her father and the news station was being modest and letting a kid take the credit for the accurate predictions… But no, the station was quite open about Marin being a child genius. And so for the past four years, Marin has been gaining popularity, her forecasts going nationwide pretty quickly. She was happy enough to accept coming to Hope’s Peak; if only so that she could develop her talent further and help her father. Because for her, that was still her dream. To show the world how great he is. Not that the world could love a man as much as his daughter does… But still, it’s the thought that counts, yeah?

Mikoto Ikutsuki

The Ultimate Spy. It shouldn’t be hard to imagine that there would be a family with secrets out there as big as the Kirigiri lineage of detectives. But, here we are. There is another family of skilled people that go as far back as the Kirigiri line, and Koichi Kizakura had no idea they existed. Not even Jin or Kyoko knew. Interesting story about the Itsuki family. Turns out they have a long, bitter history with the Kirigiri line. Mikoto is tight-lipped on where the feud began, but she admits that for generations the Itsuki family has clashed with the Kirigiri’s on how investigations should be conducted and carried out. Their rivalry is… cold. Clinical. Professional. Each family seeking to close a case the fastest and with absolute finality, no loose ends to tie up. Of course… spies and detectives are very different professions to begin with. But generations ago, it seemed like they could have worked out an alliance between the two families. … It never did work out. There was harsh disagreements on policy and lengths the families would go to complete investigations, lines that one family would never cross but the other absolutely would. In short… Mikoto came to Hope’s Peak of her own accord. She baited Kizakura into discovering her, essentially taking a page out of Kyoko’s book and swallowing her pride as a spy to become “known”. But it was for the sake of an investigation, and Mikoto did not intend to stay longer than necessary. The only reason she revealed so much of her family’s history to Kyoko and Jin was to see if they knew about the Kirigiri-Itsuki feud – their ignorance only cemented the suspicions that Mikoto had. Jin’s father was as set in his ways as he always was, never revealing information unless he had to. Mikoto was honestly sickened to be in proximity to such woeful ignorance. … But she will stop at nothing to complete her investigation. Mikoto has no intention of seeking help from a generation of the Kirigiri line that chooses to “forget” the past; she doesn’t care how talented the students of this academy are, they’re all a joke to Mikoto. The sooner she can complete her investigation, the better. … Now, if certain “unlucky” individuals would stop “checking up on her”… making her think about unnecessary feelings.

Misuzu Aisaka

The Ultimate Shrine Maiden. Misuzu comes from a long line of shrine maidens that are well-known in her home village in northern Japan. Seeing Angie Yonaga and Kinji Uehara adapt to life at Hope’s Peak well enough, Kizakura thought to keep the diversity going and looked into Shinto shrines to see if any maidens spoke out to him as “gifted”. Misuzu was certainly the most maiden dedicated that he came across. Her family raised her well – she was heavily traditional, disciplined, and devout. Misuzu was also hard-working, to the point that he’d heard about her all the way in Tokyo despite how small and out of the way her village was. Misuzu was doing everything that she could to keep the Shinto religion alive even in the modern day, and Kizakura had to respect that. Which is why he offered her the chance to attend Hope’s Peak. It might be unorthodox, removing herself from her shrine – but Kizakura argued that this was Misuzu’s chance for some exposure, to have others “remember” the “old ways” with her becoming even more famous and for her to learn about other shrines. Misuzu didn’t care so much about the opportunity for fame for her own sake. But if it would help her village and family to thrive, if she could open up others’ hearts to Shinto… She accepted Kizakura’s invitation. She wasn’t necessarily concerned about her own advancement and “talent”, but she was peripherally aware of dedicated students at Hope’s Peak, so she knew that it wouldn’t be a complete waste of time if she learned alongside them. … Of course, Hope’s Peak was in the heart of Tokyo, and there was a variety of people who lived in the modern day and didn’t care one bit about the spiritual. She knew it would be a challenge to attend this school. But Misuzu was up for the challenge.

Narumi Osone

The Ultimate Gourmet. One could say that she was made to fill the void left behind by Teruteru Hanamura and Ruruka Ando, but… She doesn’t cook. Narumi reviews food and tastes it. She’s a very discerning, picky, and judgmental girl at that. From food to fashion to people… Narumi will speak her mind, whether you like it or not. As you might imagine, Narumi is the daughter of a multi-millionaire. She hasn’t had to worry about a lack of creature comforts; and whatever Narumi wanted, her parents would get for her, no qualms or conditions. This has led to Narumi being an absolute disaster when she goes out to shop or eat… But especially eating. If your restaurant isn’t up to her refined palette, she has absolutely no problem in calling Daddy and shutting your business down. That’s not to say Narumi doesn’t give you a chance; as long as you hit a 7 out of 10 with her, Narumi will leave you alone. And it’s not like she goes around with malicious intent… Narumi’s just starving for good food. And she wants to try loads of different things. You just need to impress her enough, even if your establishment isn’t rated 5-stars. … Of course, Narumi does have a petty side to her, as well. If any of her friends want to get into cooking, Narumi makes sure to list out all their faults and weaknesses before calling in personal tutors to train said friends. And even if those friends change their minds midway through training… Narumi doesn’t let them back out. They wanted to learn cooking. They’re going to be first-rate, damnit. Narumi wants good food. And she says that’s harder to find than you might think. Narumi doesn’t take well to people criticizing her, of course. Or be stuck in a place or with people she doesn’t like. Her abrasive and whimsical personality is off-putting for many people, and naturally that makes her circle of friends… small. Narumi doesn’t care so much, because she wants only the very best. And even if people have a lot of choice words for Narumi, her judgments of food are second to none – she IS fair, and she can get the maximum discernment of flavors, textures, and smells out of any meal to render that fair, impartial verdict. … She just might not come across that way. When Narumi got scouted for Hope’s Peak as the Ultimate Gourmet, her parents were over the moon. They knew she was special and should be recognized as such. … Byakuya and Shinobu Togami, however… could be less than thrilled with Narumi’s arrival. Daughter that comes from wealth she may be, but compared to them, Narumi is practically lazy. And bratty. … So bratty.

Nico Himuro

The Ultimate Poet. She’s written 14,794.837 poems. … Yes, she counts the poems that are works-in-progress, hence the decimal. Naturally, she fills the void left behind by Tsubasa Kamii, the last Ultimate Poet. Although… to be quite fair, Nico is a very different poet from her predecessor. In personality and nature, she’s similar to Touko Fukawa in being a pessimist who doesn’t think highly of herself at all. She frequently calls herself trash, and imagines that’s just what people think of her. But… Nico has good reason to think that others think little of her. The girl’s home life is far from wholesome; she’s the middle sibling of seven children, and their mother just keeps moving onto the next man when she grows tired of the next one. Consequentially, her siblings adopted a “look out for #1” mentality – frequently egging each other on and picking on Nico in particular because she doesn’t fight back against their bullying. Even at school, it’s not strange for the mean kids to home in on her, and for the teachers to “forget” if they ever received her schoolwork (as a favor to their more favorite students, who don’t like Nico that much for being the “quiet, weird kid”). There’s SOME nice teachers and friends that try to help Nico see the brighter side of life, but there’s enough of the rotten people to make Nico feel miserable and worthless. That’s why she took to poetry in private. She wanted to express herself in some way, but naturally she had no intention of sharing those poems with the rest of the world; this was just a release for herself. Her notebook was her “Fortress of Solitude”, as depressing as that sounds. And then one of her bullies stole that Fortress… He read her poems without her permission, and found them surprisingly well-written; he couldn’t help but share them with others, who also were shocked that THAT Nico Himuro was a gifted poet… It’s not surprising that after that, Nico’s life changed quite a lot. Her schoolmates and teachers were so much nicer. Her siblings stopped picking on her out of fear of what the neighborhood kids would do them for abusing their local celebrity. Her mother entered her into poetry competitions to win cash prizes and get higher accolades and fame… Nico was still miserable, though. She’d suffered abuse for years, and now that everyone was singing a different tune, Nico was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. They only cared about her because she was a “good poet”, but what happened once they lost interest or her “skills” dulled? Wasn’t the fact that they only liked her for being good at something pretty shallow? Nico just couldn’t help doubting everyone, even with her celebrity status… She remained passionate about poetry because that was the only way she could express herself. To be “truly happy”… at least until her abilities disappeared, and she was left with nothing. Nico really did think life was fleeting like that… And then Hope’s Peak scouted her. Nico still didn’t have high hopes for her life; Hope’s Peak was just an even bigger stage, and once she screwed up here, her life would be over. That’s what Nico keeps thinking… But she’s got some persistent friends that want to prove her otherwise…

#Danganronpa #Class 80A #Ayumu Fujimori #Kazumi Izumo #Aruma Todoroki #Maiko Kagura #Marin Mizuta #Mikoto Ikutsuki #Misuzu Aisaka #Narumi Osone #Nico Himuro

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saltnpepperbunny · 1 year

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Hi! Can you tell us more about Team Tempest? Is their story one that you've been developing for a while? Any fun facts? I haven't played a PMD game since the original for the GBA- does their story follow the plot of the more recent games? Loving your writing so far!

Hi, thanks so much for asking about em! Team Tempest are the worms that rot my brain. XD More under the cut, since this gets long!

I first conceived Selkie and Shadow as characters in uhhhh early 2018? They came from a nuzlocke run I was doing of Pokemon Ultra Sun that wiped on Akala lol. I originally designed them to be part of a collab PMD comic I was gonna make with a couple of friends, where we each had a team that we would right for. Team Tempest was my gang for the comic, and I essentially designed them to be the story's antagonists. They were basically the Team Skull of the story, the bully team that makes life hard for the good guys. However, the collab never got off the ground, but I fell in love with the characters and kept them around!

My original plan was to tell Selkie and Shadow's story through a PMD comic called Spectrum, that was going to be set in the same universe as Finding Your Roots. The comic was supposed to be part of a trilogy series that was going to include FYR and a Firered nuzlocke comic that I abandoned two updates in, and it was meant to be the ending to an overarching story that would be told with the three comics together. Spectrum included Selkie and Shadow essentially as villain protagonists, and Lyn, Margarine, and Thistletooth were the good guy characters who would save the world Selkie and Shadow were seeking to destroy.

Selkie, in her original conception, was both very similar and very different from her current iteration. She was not mentally ill so much as just a straight-up abusive monster. She was the terror of the guild, constantly bullying and abusing the guild's weakest members, and she would essentially make use of Shadow's illusion magic to psychologically torture other guild members and get them to obey her whims.

Shadow was originally Selkie's biggest victim in this. She was highly abusive of him, but he latched onto her hard for reasons I can't quite elaborate on yet because it's spoilers for Till World's End. Shadow's arc was originally going to heavily involve making new friends with Lyn's team and using these new connections to break out of the abusive relationship. By the end of Spectrum, Shadow was meant to turn against Selkie and help Lyn & co defeat her and save the world. In the end, he was actually supposed to get together with Margarine!

However, Spectrum never got off the ground! It was too large-scale of a project to take on at the time, since I was trying to draw FYR and was really overwhelmed with the scope of that project. Taking on another big comic at the time wouldn't have worked out for me. Eventually I started working on other comic projects aside from FYR, got busy with those, and permanently tabled Spectrum. It wasn't a comic I was interested in bringing to life anymore. My interests had moved on.

I came back to Selkie and Shadow because, a few years after tabling Spectrum, I became interested in writing about a certain brand of mental illness called personality disorders. I wanted to write a love story between two characters with heavy mental illness, and the exact nature of those mental illnesses brought Team Tempest back to mind. I always cherished those characters so dearly and wanted to properly finish their story someday, and I realized it was a perfect opportunity to tell their story through prose! I revamped the characters to make room for the new aspects I wanted to bring into them. Shadow's character was altered somewhat, but Selkie is the one who got the biggest revamp. She's still a pretty bad person and can be abusive, but her nature is significantly different from how it was before. Selkie, in this new iteration, isn't a complete abusive sadist. She's got her flaws, absolutely, but she is not the villain of her own story anymore.

Here is some original concept art of Selkie and Shadow from Spectrum, back from 2018-2019! A lot of the art of them is grayscale because Spectrum was gonna be a grayscale comic.

Anyways, I hope that answers the question! It was fun to talk about them, so thanks for asking. ^^

#ask spb #pmd till world's end #oh and btw!#till world's end is loosely based on the 3D pmd games #sorry this took me a while to answer btw!

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brick-a-doodle-do · 1 year

Text

reviewing all 25 of my fics !!!!!

i have never read my writing! i just did. some was good, some was bad, here's my review and at the end there's a tier list C:

curiosity one

actively throwing up i hated every little bit of that i'm so glad i'm rewriting that oh my god why was that so popular?? 🤢

i can confidently say i no longer feel this way vvvv

curiosity two

ehhh getting better but still not the best. but at least i didn't cringe my way through the fic this time!! :D

curiosity three

writing is iffy because i'm mixing two different writing styles together

HOWEVER i LOVE the h/c in this therefore it is so far my favorite chapter :D

"tommy calm down, it's just a drink, see?" is just WJKEJFNRDNF i love it for no reason :D the interactions in this i admit are really nice

curiosity four

supposed to be an exiting chapter but tbh i did not execute that too well

uhh yippeee he's out!!!

curiosity five

mmm mm m mmmm idk how to feel about this one

very fast paced i will admit

this whole series is so fucking rushed 😭

curiosity six

meh

dialogue is pretty cool tho

overall this series is rushed and poorly made lmaooo

wilbur chocolate 1

okay this is pretty good

not lovely but it's readable and i honestly love this au so i'm not gonna diss it too hard

wilbur chocolate 2

i like this one

dialogue go brrr

also i feel like i executed wil's panic semi-well? i definitely made him have some trust in tommy way too soon but yk

i'll run away and hide with you

ehhh there's nothing technically wrong with it,,,,,

no real comments it's fine ig

spy au: unofficial prologue

idk there's nothing wrong with it like this fic !! :D

2022 summer exchange

again too rushed i need to draw out trust it doesn't happen in two minutes!!!

"you're pretty" makes me happy tho. don't ship dnf too hard but i like it :DD

ghosts are better than humans

writing is iffy but it's cute !!

company & repairs 1

first fic and it's mid. i got fanart for it though, that's pretty cool :D (i toooootally didn't ask for it, i got it just by pure chance. totally!)

mm i could've written his injuries better

i like my use of internal questions

dude in my earlier fics i was so scared to write like product names and the word "scream" and "yell" bc i didn't want it to come off as cringe like wth that is literally so bad

i let go, when i should've held tighter/an inconvenience, at best 1

typos are bad. bad bad.

writing can 100% be difficult

ended up deleting it to redo it bc after all this worldbuilding i need to redo some things :)

also dialogue is everything but accurate

never fucking again.

ok ummm i could've done his pain a lot better

i've gotten better at writing mental health so i'm going to rewrite this someday

but to be fair i wrote this alongside many other things that day---i was doing a bet,,,,

writing is actually kind of decent and i love how chill tommy is lmaooo "well, he fucked that one up" "at least he got his powers working"

apart from thattt i LOVE this au and am excited to write the first chapter :D

oh, george

okay time to see all the hype around this. 93 notes???? this better be good

not worth all the notes (sosososo grateful for those btw almost 100 notes that is AWESOME) but i can see why it was liked. i can usually tell if this community will eat smth up or not,,,

don't fall

i liked that

definitely my favorite so far

writing is decent and it's fluffy so i like it :DD good job me C:<

heavy is the head that gets no sleep

mm cute i like it :D

top for sure

2022 secret santa: too good to be true

okay the idea for this was like actually awesome, i loved having dream like kinda do into that trance thingy and having it fade in later. and i like how i incorporated "bitter stares" into it.

however there's a severe lack of dialogue and the action is drawn out, far too short and not properly there

it also felt rlly short so there's that,,,

the act of making noise 1

i like this one! it could be a little bit better but tbh it's a good au and i like the writing a lot more than some of my other fics so it s a win from me :D

i also think i has a nice flow to it? that could just be me tho

counting down the seconds

v bad i can see why this didn't do too well

deleting it cause this au is on hiatus,, might give it out as a prompt now :D

uhh writing wasn't too good and it was very boring, way too long asw,,,

mere monstrosity

I LOVED THAT??

it's actually well written??

WRITING SHANE IS SO FUN HIS DIALOGUE IS THE BEST----

this is such an underrated fic of mine istggg

top fics for sureee

sfdjsdjgdnf SHANE'S DIALOGUEEEE!!!!! I WILL GLADDLY WRITE MORE OF HIM!!

the little things (written)

badly written, fluffy, one of my oldest fics

cory's notes give me life tho <333 "your writing makes me feel warm" AJGFSAJDGEFJDNF i love cory smsm :D

shroud, you savior?

good fic idea, poorly executed

and oh my god in my earlier fics i'm realizing how oblivious i was to how puncuation worked, especially for my dialogueeeeeee!! it makes me feel terrible reading it,,,,,

also the amount of fluff-to-angst ratio is good, but again i need to write panic better,,,,

hush 1

YES! I LIKE THIS! to be fair it's my newest fic but STILL i like this a lot!!!

good angst, suspense could be a tiiiny bit better but i still rlly like this!!! top fic for sure C:<

switched

fluff. fluff fluff fluff. writing aside the mouthplay scenes are the best things ever i am so happy this exists !!!!!!!!!

wow i have an excruciating number of fics. i did not like reading them :'D

tier list time >:D (more under cut)

Keep reading

hush 1 (writing, dialogue, plot, everything is good imo)

don't fall (if the writing for this was better it'd be #1 !! the fluff, this entire au in general, "i won't hurt you" mmmm this is a yummy fic !!!)

mere monstrosity (speaks for itself. i loved this fic! it's a bit rocky in the beginning but i just love shane sm <3)

the act of making noise 1 (YES this is good. the overall plot is iffy but i like chapter one so far, hopefully i can take this au in the right direction !!)

curiosity killed the cat 3 ("it's just a drink, see?" mm yummy)

heavy is the head that gets no sleep (prime boys my belovedd)

spy au: unofficial prologue (i just have a thing for spy!dnf <33)

wilbur chocolate 2 (like i said, dialogue go brrrr, and it's actually a decent sequel. wilbur chocolate beloved asw >:D)

wilbur chocolate 1 (angst beloved)

ghosts are better than humans (it's simple. i didn't overdo it,,,)

i let go when i should've held tighter/spy au 1 (spy au belovedd!!!)

never fucking again (love this au sm, my opinion is swayed again)

switched (tinies overcoming their fear of getting nommed is such a high trope for me,,,)

oh, george (my opinion is swayed bc of the tiktok it's based off of)

2022 secret santa: too good to be true (honestly despite my lack of flow & dialogue its pretty good)

2022 summer exchange (honestly idk why i don't rlly like this---i'm making a part two so some part of me should enjoy it?)

shroud, you savior? (ok this fic is an era to me it brings back positive memories :] also ppl like this so i meannn)

curiosity killed the cat 2 (he and wilbur talk, what's not to like? i like this chapter a lot actually)

the little things (little streamer au my belovedd)

curiosity killed the cat 6 (everything is revealed!!!! and wilbur not being able to really do anthing cause a. he's in tommy's storage and b. he's a traitor, kidnapper and villain in tommy's eyes)

i'll run away and hide with you (idkkkk why i don't like this either. to be fair nothing's really wrong with it,,)

company & repairs 1 (again memories and also idk this was my first fic, i think nostalgia is helping my decision)

curiosity killed the cat 4 (he gets out, that's pretty cool)

counting down the seconds (eeeehhh this used to be a cool au of mine but that was before i just stopped working on it and i realized it wasn't that cool,,)

curiosity killed the cat 1 (No.)

i switched these around so much lmaoo but i was dead set on the last two. curiosity was so bad wtf??

#talking brick #tw implication/mention #mw #all aus #this took FOREVER #why didn't anyone tell me curiosity sucked???#i would've worked on rewriting it sooner-----#anyways #mcyt g/t #dsmp g/t #g/t #fic review #dream smp g/t #dsmp gt #mcyt gt #LONG post #brick does tier lists

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coldgoldlazarus · 2 years

Text

Also, my RvB binge last night and my Lariska brainrot today are melding in interesting ways.

Cause like, I couldn't help but draw some parallels between Lariska and Carolina. Teal armor, super fast, highly-trained and hypercompetent killers working for a morally bankrupt organization, and having a decidedly... complicated relationship with the leader of that organization?

This, along with a post I saw interpreting TSO's rather... weird... form as a sort of raptorlike shape, plus my own interpretation of Lariska being quite obviously Velociraptor-inspired, got me thinking about the possibility of headcanoning TSO as like, basically her dad? Like the Director with Carolina. Obviously with Bonkle, reproduction doesn't happen and parenthood as we know it thus isn't really a concept, but regardless, the idea could sort of work, still.

Them actually being the same species, and TSO having taken her under his wing a long time in the past, essentially adopting her. Then time passes, she becomes more personally proficient, and he becomes the coldhearted dickbag we know today, and somewhere during that the Dark Hunters are founded, and their dynamic goes from father and daughter to boss and employee. And then it just, breaks entirely when he has her arm removed, and replaced with a bad prosthetic instead of being allowed to rebuild it properly.

And so there's just this sort of fundamentally broken dynamic now where any bridges between them are completely burnt and collapsed, but because of their roles they're still working together, seeing each other every day, seeing the ruins of the connection that once was there and mutually understanding that there's no repairing it, neither of them even particularly want to repair it, but they're just dealing with that because they're still boss and employee. And Lariska fully intends to kill him someday, and TSO fully intends to not let that day come, but they both know it's going to come sooner or later regardless. But it's because there was once such a strong bond there once that this is unavoidable now. There's nothing positive left to be found there, not even a sliver of remorse of "maybe we can go back", yet still the memory of the care that used to exist is why they're so unstoppably at odds now.

Idk, part of me feels like this is maybe a bit too... idk, melodramatic? Soap-Opera-ish? But at the same time I feel like it could really add some additional meaning and emotional heft to their exchanges, in a way that doesn't undermine the inevitability of their arcs.

And unlike Carolina, when finally given the chance to kill her father figure, Lariska would indeed follow through.

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twst-the-night-away · 2 years

Note

Is it ok to ask for ❤ for any of your OCs with mine please ?

Here are some good combos I came up with while looking through your OCs. You have a lot of really neat ones! I hope our OCs can properly introduce themselves to each other sometime soon.

Juniper is going to love Cyrila, like, in general. They're two peas in a pod. They both love to go fast, they love to prank, and they're both smart kids who don't have to study much. They could get in so much trouble together. Juniper is impressed by Cyrila's ambition to become dorm leader, and knowing what she wants already at her age. She also thinks Cyrila's magic is pretty cool, and might even beg her to use it sometimes, because Juniper is often controlled by her moods.

Nadya (my Scarabia student who I haven't officially introduced yet) is going to have so much fun with Samara. I can see them having dance parties late at night in one of the dorm rooms.

Violetta was a little bit put off when Samara stole some of the special salted chocolate raspberry tarts she'd made, but the note she left was very nice, even if it did say "strain the raspberries better next time, I got seeds in my teeth". So ... perhaps she doesn't think Samara is all that bad. At least she had the manners to leave a note.

Speaking of Violetta, she will be absolutely charmed by Orion if she gets the chance to meet him. He reminds Violetta of the guys in her favorite manga. She will find a way to sneak a drawing of him someday. Both he and Violetta have the good old-fashioned manners, so they could get along very well if they were to have tea together.

Savvy thinks Sabrina's fun to talk to. They're both flirts, though Savvy is more subtle, but I can see them getting together to gossip about pretty people. Savvy would like to be friends with her. Okay, so one of the reasons is so that she can maybe learn some new potion skills, but she admires her just the same.

#twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #i'm glad i reblogged that meme! my nerds are making friends!

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tarydarrington · 3 years

Text

It takes about half an hour for the general topic of conversation at the party to turn to his scars.

It shouldn’t be a surprise; any guests of Archmage Beck’s are bound to have at least a passing familiarity with the way a Scourger’s arms are meant to look. The maze of ink is a symbol of power, a sign of something dangerous and elite, and his ragged array of raised, pale cuts is a far cry from elegance. It’s natural that they would pick up on the difference. It’s natural that it would be gossiped over. It’s natural that Caleb feels rather like teleporting straight home and letting his future self deal with the social consequences.

To borrow an odd turn of phrase Veth had once used, two halves are at war inside of him. One is filled with an angry, headstrong pride that makes him want to shove his scars in the faces of all those who care to gawk and let them have their fill. The other wishes he had brought a coat.

It’s rare that Essek does much at these functions aside from artfully disappearing in such a way that lets him mingle with as few fellow guests as possible, but after only a few moments of stares following him, the elf appears at his side.

“May I borrow you, a moment?” he asks.

The way his eyes dart around the room reminds Caleb of an irritated cat’s tail swishing.

“As many moments as you like,” he replies, and follows Essek into an empty hallway.

The sound of the crowd is immediately muffled by the walls as they step inside, and Caleb wonders fleetingly if this is where Essek has been all night. Someday, if they ever manage to talk about whatever this is between them, maybe the two of them will attend a party without the rest of the Nein. Just for the pleasure of being able to leave early without stranding anyone, if nothing else.

Or they could stay. Caleb thinks he wouldn’t mind a party like this quite so much, if he were with Essek.

He shakes the thought as Essek finally looks him in the eye for the first time, and Caleb’s eyebrows shoot up as Essek begins to shrug his way out of his cloak.

“Herr Thelyss, we are in public,” he deadpans, and grins at the way Essek’s face - not quite his own, here, of course - flushes.

“What is the Empire saying? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you?” He takes the cloak in both hands, holding it out between them at its full length and width, turning a critical eye on Caleb. He seems satisfied with his findings, folding it neatly over one arm before clearing his throat. “If you like,” he says in a softer tone, “you may borrow this.”

He might have been less surprised if it were a striptease. Essek is fond of his layers. They’re elegant, they present an image of inscrutability, and - most importantly to Essek, he has learned - they obscure his body. It gives him privacy, this kind of which he values greatly. To be offered something like this is quite a gift, indeed.

Essek seems, as usual, to know what he’s thinking. “It is rather warm, tonight. I dressed accordingly.”

Caleb gives him a once-over for precisely the length of time that could not possibly be considered staring. He’s not lying. The fine, light clothing beneath his cloak is amorphous enough to preserve his modesty.

Caleb thinks of the way their stares follow him. He thinks of all the pain he went through to get these scars, and all the good he’s done to ensure they are never inflicted on anyone else. He is not ashamed of these scars. Essek will understand, if he turns the offer down. He always understands.

Then, he thinks of the faces they’ll make if he returns to the room wearing Essek’s cloak.

The rest of the night passes about as he expects, with three important observations made. Firstly, Essek’s cloak is still warm and smells very much like Essek. Secondly, the well-tailored, black tunic he had been wearing underneath follows the lines of his body loosely enough to obscure most details, but just closely enough to draw his imagination to fill in the blanks. Thirdly, despite the smattering of murmurs and stares that still turn in his direction from time to time, the sum of the previous two facts makes this evening entirely enjoyable.

He suspects, from the way Essek steals a few more glances than necessary, that it might be a positive experience for them both.

The number of times the Mighty Nein find themselves in combat before the end of a fancy party truly ought not to be as high as it is.

Then again, Essek remembers the circumstances of their first meeting. It may be absurd, but it isn't surprising.

What is surprising - or rather, what would have been surprising, had one informed him of it several years ago - is the way he doesn't think twice before placing himself between a nearly-downed Veth and the blow intended to finish her. The blade cuts him from shoulder to chest, catching him at the wrist on the follow-through and leaving a stinging cut in its wake.

Caduceus sees to the wound with his usual easy precision, but the magic doesn't work the same way on his clothing. He picks dejectedly at the tattered remains of his neckline, the end of his sleeve hanging ragged to match. This had been a nice cloak. That, and the Ruby’s festivities inside, blissfully unaware of the commotion in the gardens, are still due to continue for another few hours.

Just as he's considering how bad a faux pas it would be to call it a night, Caleb ducks down into his line of sight, squatting beside him where he rests against the low stone wall.

"You know, I think perhaps you are a little breakable to be trying for Yasha’s role,” he says with a bemused smile. Before Essek has a chance to respond, he adds, “That was very brave of you. I will thank you on Veth’s behalf, since I think she has, ah, moved on from the moment.”

Moved on from the moment seems, in this case, to mean that she has been offering for the last several minutes to bandage Bluud’s barely-scratched biceps. Essek waves a hand.

“It’s perfectly alright,” he says. “Though I must admit, I will mourn the clothing.”

Caleb gives him a sympathetic grimace, and Essek tries not to fidget as he watches those blue eyes assess the damage and catch on the strips of rarely exposed skin. He makes a little clicking sound with his tongue as he takes it in that is much more attractive than it ought to be.

“Would you like to…” Caleb’s brow furrows in thought, and to finish the question, he takes the end of his scarf in one hand and dangles it between them. “If you like?”

Essek wipes the look of wide-eyed, touched surprise from his face as fast as he can, but he’s sure from the way a small smile tugs at Caleb’s lips that it hasn’t gone unnoticed. His gaze drops down to his ruined neckline. The damage is high enough that it’s possible the scarf could cover it, if properly arranged.

“That would…” He takes a breath. “I would be… grateful.”

With an encouraging smile, Caleb ducks out from the middle of the scarf and pools it in his arms, offering it to Essek. When he takes it, the warmth and weight of the fabric reminds him of Caleb’s cats. He tries to keep his breathing steady as he turns it in his hands - and realizes only when he attempts to duck through the center that he has no idea how to properly wrap something like this.

He’s slighter than Caleb, so the loops that circle Caleb perfectly slip awkwardly off his shoulders; besides that, the elegant coil has been tangled in the handing off. He tries to wind it around his own neck from the beginning, but finds it frustratingly difficult to get it to sit the way he’d like it to, and is entirely uncertain of what to do with the ends.

“I… am afraid I am rather at a loss,” Essek admits begrudgingly.

Caleb cocks his head to one side in curious surprise, but instead of questioning, he holds out his hands. “Would you allow me?”

He takes the scarf back when Essek nods mutely in response, and suddenly he is very, very close. Caleb gives him a reassuring smile, as though he knows - and of course he knows, he always knows - that he needs a moment to adjust to the proximity. The care in those eyes almost knocks Essek’s gaze away, but instead holds it locked in place.

“Is, ah…” Caleb begins, and his voice sounds thicker than before, “is this alright?”

Essek hopes the somewhat dazed half-nod he manages gets the point across.

He’s had Caleb’s arms around him before, but for some reason the feeling of them bracketing his neck as Caleb drapes the scarf around and around him is so achingly intimate that it stops his breath.

His gaze breaks from Caleb’s for just long enough to notice the v of bare skin now visible at the neck of his shirt, and he snaps his attention back to Caleb’s eyes as his face burns. Caleb’s smile quirks upwards on one side at the sight. He gives the scarf a few gentle tugs to place it just right.

As his hand draws away, he lets it rest cupped against Essek’s cheek for just a moment. The night is cold, but the space between them feels warmer than a fireside. The fireside, as well, would have fewer sparks.

Caleb clears his throat as he pulls away and stands, and the spell is broken as both of them turn to studiously examine their surroundings. Essek shifts the weight of the scarf experimentally. Sometimes, one of Caleb’s cats will climb the man and wind itself around his neck in a thoroughly endearing display of affection. Caleb has always thought of it as the highest compliment, to be chosen in such a way, and Essek imagines it must feel something like this. And never, not even covered in four layers and his old mantle, has he ever felt so protected from the outside world.

“Thank you,” he manages after a moment.

“Ja, of course.” It’s a minor relief that Caleb sounds about as breathless as Essek feels.

As he stands, letting his levitation spell carry him gently off his feet, the hem of his sleeve catches his eye. Caleb’s gaze falls that way, too, then flicks back up to his with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Well,” he says, and holds out his arm, “that is a shame.”

Essek looks from Caleb’s face to his arm and back, heat creeping up his neck. Caleb knows him well enough to understand this is no small request. He knows Caleb well enough, in return, to understand that he will take no offense if he refuses.

Carefully, holding his breath, Essek tucks his hand under Caleb’s arm. The billowing cloth of his sleeve falls down to cover the ragged end of Essek’s, and Essek finds himself wondering for a moment if the loose style was intended to mimic his own.

The smile on Caleb’s face is so fond that Essek can’t help but return it.

“Well,” Caleb says, leaning in conspiratorially, “shall we?”

They’re not the last of the Mighty Nein to return to the party - Essek suspects Beauregard and Yasha have found their own pursuits in the garden, judging by the looks they had been exchanging after the battle - but they’re not the first, either. Jester and Fjord have found the Ruby and joined her in polite conversation. Caleb steers him dutifully in the other direction; they both know well what will happen if Jester sees them like this, and perhaps Caleb is as loath to break the moment as he is. They make the rounds together, and Essek thinks that they must look for all the world like a real couple. The thought brings a strange lightness to his chest, and he finds himself absently curling his hand around Caleb’s arm where it rests.

“My nefarious plot has gone off without a hitch,” Caleb murmurs with a grin. “Now, you are stuck with me for the rest of the evening.”

Essek doesn’t bother holding back the smirk. With a covert flick of magic in his free hand, he draws away from Caleb’s arm to politely retrieve a glass from the tray of a passing waiter. Caleb watches him with incredulous surprise, eyes trained on the end of his sleeve - perfectly intact through a Seeming spell.

“I think I can manage without, if I must,” Essek says mildly.

He passes the drink to his off hand as Caleb flushes a bit.

“Well,” Caleb says sheepishly, “that is one way to do it.”

Essek raises his eyebrows at him teasingly, and before he can talk himself out of it, slips his hand back into the crook of Caleb’s arm.

To his credit, Caleb doesn’t tease. The surprised little smile he gives Essek instead gives him more warmth than the scarf does, and Essek lets himself smile back as Caleb’s hand comes up to rest over his. Not enough to hold him in place, just enough for a little more contact.

“You know, you could have done that before,” Caleb murmurs. “At Astrid’s party, when you lent me your cloak.”

Essek takes a sip of his drink to hide the blush. “I realize,” he replies. He could admit that the way those people had treated Caleb lit his anger in a way few things have since he left court. He could admit that he knows, from experience, that it’s more of a comfort to have something real between you and the rest of the world. He could admit that giving his own cloak as such a barrier for Caleb had felt like a more personal kind of protection.

He could even point out that Caleb could have used the spell himself, if he had wanted to; but he finds he likes the quiet implication given by the fact that he took Essek's cloak instead.

"It suited you,” is what he settles on.

Caleb gives him a hum of acknowledgement in response. “Ja, well,” he adds with a soft, knowing smile, “the scarf suits you.”

Of course, Caleb always understands. And as they move about the party for the rest of the night, arm in arm, Essek thinks that he doesn’t mind parties quite so much with Caleb by his side.

#shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #critical role #mine #mine:fic #caleb #essek

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alreadyblondenow · 3 years

Photo

Box of crayons

“We were just two kids back then, but now we have two kids.”

Pairing: Jaehyun x female!reader Genre: SMUT, FLUFF, angst if you squint, childhood friends to lovers, growing up au, college au, to being married. WC: 3,522k Warnings: mentions of getting bullied during kindergarten, alcohol consumption on a college party, getting drunk, swearing, spitting, oral sex: male and female receiving, slight cum play, overstimulation, fingering, cream pie, unprotected sex, switching positions, smut scene is kind of long. A/N: I just want to post something.

Meant to be. You and Jaehyun are meant to be. But not as lovers, at least not yet. For now, you believe that you and Jaehyun are meant to be best friends.

It all started when you saw him starring at his blank paper, close to tears while other kids are teasing him for not having a box of crayons. You came in bolting and scaring those kids with your wrath and told Jaehyun, “stop being such a loser,” and shared with him your box of crayons.

On the next day, you forgot your colors at home and you felt like such a loser because everyone was busy drawing and coloring their works while you’re stuck with this great idea in your mind for your artwork.

“Stop being such a loser,” Jaehyun said and sat beside you to share his box of colors with you this time.

That was the day you learned, at a very young age, that boxes of crayons that has a hundred colors are meant to be shared. You and Jaehyun became friends starting that day and your friendship became like a box of crayons that you’re willing to share with each other.

As long as you both have some colors left on your box, you’re willing to share and got each other’s back.

Your friendship grew and grew during kindergarten, grade school, and high school. Until your families acknowledged your friendship and thought that maybe someday you’ll end up together. On top of that, you and Jaehyun grew up together and watch each other achieve different kinds of great things. May it be through sports, academics, or your hobbies.

“Hey loser,” you sat beside him during lunch break and distract him from doing his assignment.

“Hey yourself” he smirked and continued writing.

It was a busy day in school, the student body organization was busy the whole week because of prom. And to be honest, you are too, you were busy with your dress and you were busy looking for the perfect tie for Jaehyun. And now, you’re just waiting for him to pop the question and finally ask you to prom, which he will because you’re best friend right? So that made you very excited and giddy.

“What do you think of Yeri?” He asked out of nowhere. Smiling and playing with his pen while waiting for your answer but you already felt nervous.

“Popular- She bullied you when we were kids? Why?” you answered short and cold. And you wonder why the man beside you is smiling like a fool.

“I’m taking her to prom, she said yes. It was yesterday in the library, I talked to her, and went straight to the point. I made her blush like crazy...” he proudly told you the story of how he asked someone else to prom but your ears started ringing and you can't hear anything he says already. Turns out when you were busy looking for the perfect tie for him yesterday, he was busy asking the girl he likes to prom.

Everything shifted after prom, you and Jaehyun stopped talking to each other but he was too busy with his new girlfriend to notice that.

Graduation came and summer took place, you and Jaehyun are going to the same college but now you’re not sure if he still wanted the same thing because rumors are he and Yeri are so in love that they will go to the same college. It's useless to reach out if life will eventually separate you and Jaehyun might as well accept it.

As you enter college and made great new friends, you forgot about Jaehyun and focus on your studies during freshman year. But during the start of your sophomore year and while you were at the library to borrow a few books you bumped into him and were forced to catch up and had coffee for old times sake. He paid for the drinks and snacks, obviously, he was happy to see you but you looked uninterested.

And when he noticed that he’s probably taking too much of your time, he finally started a conversation. “I transferred just this semester and I was actually looking forward to seeing you. How are you?”

“Great- look I have to study and I can’t be out this long, uhm...” you started to gather your stuff and ramble. “Maybe some other time Jae,” you said and left with a fake smile. You almost feel bad about what you did but he can’t just waltz back into your life like he didn’t forget about you the moment he had a girlfriend. Now ex-girlfriend.

And as your college years continue, a catch-up never happened again. Although he tried so many times to take you out, but you always refuse and avoid him with all your might whenever you see him around the campus. He was so consistent with bringing you back to his life but you just don’t care anymore because truth be told you were hurt when he left you. Maybe this is revenge? Maybe not? But one thing is for sure, you got hurt and you hated him for it.

Now that you’re in your senior and everything is very stressful, you decided to go to this party with your friends and you were so unlucky that Jaehyun was there with his set of friends, busy playing beer pong and being loud as fuck. Of course he saw you and it halted his moves, he wanted to come say hi to you or hand you a drink but you will for sure pretend that he is invisible so he didn’t.

The party was fun. Thankfully, there were a lot of snacks and overflowing alcoholic beverages as well as non-alcoholic beverages. And because you suck at drinking games, you were downing tequilas and vodkas the whole night and that’s how you got batshit drunk that Jaehyun found you on the bathroom inside the empty tub, sleeping like a baby with a red cup in your hand.

He knew right then and there that he is responsible for you.

“Y/n, it’s Jae. Can you walk?” he asked while patting your head softly. But you can’t talk right now, so you just shook your head ‘no’ and reached for him. You knew that it’s him and you can hear him perfectly but your brain is not working right and the room can’t stop spinning. And you can’t believe you’re saying this but you’re happy that he’s here to take care of you.

You had this same feeling when you forgot your crayons back then and he came to rescue you from your little situation. He’s the same Jaehyun after all.

He offered to drive you back to your dorm which you accepted without any argument, you could’ve thanked him if only you can talk properly. He was so concerned to you that he cleared the backseat of his car and let you lie there comfortably with his jacket covering your legs. And when he brought you to your dorm safely and in one piece, he can't just leave you sleeping with your dirty clothes and helped you clean yourself with closed eyes. Everything was a challenge for him, especially when he had to close his eyes before he removes your blouse, pants, unclasp your bra and make you wear something comfortable to sleep.

Jaehyun then pats your head softly and told you “I’ll get going then, good night” before he leaves and thankfully, you were quick to stop him and you had enough energy to tell him to stay. He smiled so big and felt so happy that he wanted to scream and jump around your room. But he controlled himself and removed his shoes before he lies beside you in your comfortable bed.

To his shock, you swing your arms around him and pulled him closer to you for a tight embrace that he eventually returned. Caressing your back as he melts to your embrace and enjoys the happiness that he’s feeling right now.

“I’m sorry,” he started and planted a kiss on your forehead.

“I missed you. Never hurt me again like that, Jaehyun I swear-“

“Shhh. I will never do that to you again,” he said and hummed a song oh so softly until you fall asleep together and meet in each other’s dreams.

Just as you thought that your friendship will never come back, it did and this time it came back with love. But even though that this time love is around to make you two stick together, you never admitted your feelings to each other. You just let your actions do the talking. From him holding your hand during a scary Netflix movie, to you holding his hand while he drives. It was a simple and comfortable ‘relationship’ and you wish he would make it official.

But during a beautiful rainy day when you and Jaehyun decided to stay at your place and enjoy the cold bed weather together instead of going to the movies... everything suddenly fell into place.

“Mmm. Feels good” Jaehyun moaned as you concentrate on lining the face mask on his face properly. You’re sitting comfortably on top of him, your legs placed on both of his sides, while he’s leaning on your headboard with closed eyes, feeling so relaxed as you pamper him with skincare.

“Stop moaning, my dorm mates might think we're having sex,” you giggle and rake his hair away from his covered face. Holding it nicely as you lean closer to his chest to enjoy the comfort of being on top of him.

“Comfortable?” he asked and placed his hands on your back and made you lean on him completely. He started caressing your back and his soft touches are making you sleepy. You may not know, but he’s very much in love with you and that he will do everything just to keep you this time. He’s just waiting for the perfect time to admit his feelings to you and make everything official.

“Okay times up,” you excitedly said and started removing the face mask. While wiping his clear and handsome face, you see redness on his cheeks and his ears are turning red. You smiled and let out a giggle because that only means Jaehyun is flustered right now.

“Can you blame me? You’re so close to me and you’re literally on top of my dick. Don’t make fun of me if I get hard,” he said with a shy smile. Eyes turning into crescents and his cute dimples are deeper than ever. So instead of making him shy, you decided to make him nervous by grinding on him slowly but with enough pressure to make him in the mood and hard in no time.

His eyes went big when you rolled your hips once. Then it became even bigger when you rolled your hips a few times again which made him tensed up and hold his breath. “Stop it,” he said, but with a smile, that’s so big. He’s completely aware that you’re teasing him.

“But do you really want me to stop?” you said and put more effort into what you’re doing to him. Grinding slowly and deliciously, rolling your head and parting your lips. But the thing is, you’re not acting anymore. Jaehyun does feel so good right now and you’re liking what you started. And now that you’re letting out small moans, Jaehyun came close to you and caught your lips. Holding your head steady and kissing you like how he always wanted to.

“If you don’t stop now, I’ll really, really, really take advantage of this moment,” he said and went back to kissing you. A mixture of happiness and lust and you both feel like your hearts are about to burst because of what's happening right now. Kissing each other while smiling in between, kissing each other even more deeper by every second. It’s like your kisses were saying, ‘i love you’ ‘no, i love you more’. And as you two are busy with your lips, you felt Jaehyun’s hands slip inside your shirt and draw small circles on your skin while kissing as if he wanted you to lift your shirt but he’s just too shy to tell you. So without any warning, you stopped kissing him only to remove your shirt and remove your bra in front of him.

This may not be Jaehyun’s first time seeing a naked girl in front of him, but you sure did make him shy that he avoided looking at you. Flashing those dimples again, and witnessing his ears turn bright red. Brighter than ever. “Stop being shy and touch me,” you command and put your hand on his nape and reached for his other hand to place it on your shoulder. Giving him the freedom to touch you and roam his hand around your body as you continue to grind your clothed pussy on his hard dick.

Soon his hand finally started to move, touching your boobs first and kneading them slowly and carefully until Jaehyun became comfortable and confident to request that you remove your shorts too. Which you did gladly, so now you’re left with only your panties, kissing Jaehyun on the neck and making the man moan and feel good. Lifting his shirt without any hesitation and exposing his very hot body before your eyes and left kisses on it immediately.

Kisses after kisses you made him weak until you reach his sweat pants and pull it down together with his boxers brief so you can plant kisses on his happy trail, lower abdomen, and finally his hard cock. And there it is again, his handsome dimpled smile that shows his shyness. His cock twitched when your cold hands made contact with his cock, pumping it slowly while you watch him close his eyes and roll his head back. He watched you spit on his cock, and slowly put his whole size in your mouth. Gripping the sheets as he loses his mind, gripping the sheets as he breathes in and out heavily, letting out deep groans and making sweet moans.

“Y/n, s-stop. I’m about to cum,” he pleaded but you didn’t stop. Instead, you moved your head even faster, worked with your tongue, and made sure to never let him forget this moment that his whole cock is in your mouth for the first time.

After a few minutes of pleasure, Jaehyun came into your mouth and you witnessed him shaking and moaning on your bed with a satisfied smile. Still, with a sensitive body, you lay on top of him and teased him from cumming so soon. “You’re dead,” he said and smiled so sweetly at you. Encircling his arms around your body and kissing you a couple of times before he changed places with you. Finally, removing your panties and making you spread your legs for him, holding you with utmost care and kissing you with a mixture of love and lust.

If you tortured him earlier with your trail of kisses on his body, now it’s Jaehyun’s turn to torture you with him kissing your inner thighs oh so softly that it sends tingles straight to your spine and making your legs close automatically. “Uh-uh, I endured everything you did to me earlier,” he said, teasing you before he slides his fingers up and down your slit and finally licking it slowly. Spitting on your cunt just how you spit on his dick earlier and started pleasuring you with his hot tongue. Your hand automatically landed on his head, gripping his soft locks as he licks you slowly and torturing you with that damn wet muscle.

And when he finally made you cum and had his sweet revenge, he kissed you all over your body and put his entire weight on top of you. Letting your nipples brush on his chest and his hand soothe your sensitive body.

It was quiet for a moment, and only your heavy breaths can be heard in your room besides the air conditioning. He nibbles your earlobes and spreads kisses on your neck while slightly grinding his hard cock on your very wet pussy, waiting for you to calm down so he can finally fuck you.

“I was planning to take you out on a proper date first before we go to this stage. You just have to be so impatient, huh?” he shook his head in disbelief and kissed your lips again before he pulls away, putting both his hands on the sides of your head. His cock was very hard that you almost thought it wouldn’t fit, “Don’t worry you’re so wet. It will slide in easily” he said before he told you to line his cock so he can finally push in.

Slowly he stretches you out, rolling his head back and so are his eyes, while you on the other hand grip your boobs knead them as you feel Jaehyun’s cock slide in and out. “Jaehyun, deeper-“ you requested and let out a moan that made him gave in to your request. He adjusts your position, folded your knee before he spreads you open, thrusting deeper than before that his lower abdomen touches yours. Losing your mind whenever you take a peek at the motion of his hips while fucks you, Jaehyun was so hot as he moves his waist and kept his eyes only to you, this time he’s the one making you feel so shy.

“You like it this way? Deep and slow?" you only nod, “Wanna go another round after this?” you smiled and nod again, “Do you love me?”

And then he started thrusting faster and harder that your body was dragged on the mattress, and your boobs are bouncing up and down because of his hard thrust. Jaehyun came close to you for a kiss, still waiting for your answer. Although he knew already that you do love him by the way you kiss him, still he needed to hear it from you. “I want to hear it Y/n,” Jaehyun pleaded again and hold on to your waist tightly as he fucks you harder than before.

“I do Jae- fuck, slow down. Almost there” you croaked but its too late, Jaehyun’s thumb is on your clit, ready to torture you again and make you cum for the second time tonight.

Locking your legs around his waist as you enjoy your high and oversensitivity, you didn’t expect that you’d ask for more and beg for more the moment you hit your high that Jaehyun got more excited that he almost forgot to pull out. And when he did, he came on your pussy lips, watching his cum paint your wet folds and throbbing cunt. Of course the man above you isn’t satisfied with all the torture he did tonight, so he slides his fingers on your cunt, playing with his own cum and finger fucked you to give you another mind blowing orgasm.

The eventful bed weather ended with you and Jaehyun cuddling in your bed with his hands on your thigh and you’re wearing nothing but his black shirt and a pair of panties while he stays handsome and so irresistible in his boxers briefs.

“I promise to love you,” he whispered to you while drawing small and soft circles on your thighs, his eyes never left yours. “I promise to stay even though you’re so stubborn,” he added which made you giggle and happy.

FIVE YEARS LATER

During a very quiet night where Jaehyun’s hands are intertwined with yours and his embrace was tighter than ever because he was really tired from work, Jaehyun was having a cute dream. He dreamt about how you saved him from the bullies back when you were only innocent kids. He was smiling through his dream until he hears a cry. A cry of an infant and opened his eyes immediately. You stopped him from getting up and told him, “I got it Jae, go sleep. You’ve been up the whole day,”

Jaehyun has become a great provider for your small family now. And he was working hard to the bone that he barely gets enough sleep during weekdays. “Thank you,” murmured and closed his hands again. And after you put your babies to sleep again and went back to Jaehyun’s embrace, Jaehyun was deep in his sleep that he’s sleep talking and murmuring sweet nothings, the kind where you only hear whenever you have slow sex.

“We were just two kids back then, but now we have two kids. I will buy them boxes of boxes of crayons so bullies will never touch them,”

You giggle and pulled him closer. Hoping that he will ramble more because he’s so cute right now. “I love you,” you said, you weren’t expecting something in return but he responded.

“I just realized I never thanked you for sharing your crayons with me back then, thank you” he said and opened his eyes and went on top of you to kiss you sincerely. His wife. “I love you”

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pingutats · 3 years

Note

could you write a really fluffy bit on harry kissing every single self harm scar on your body? like, stroking them and cuddling with you and reassuring you that your body is beautiful and okay even with scars? 🥺

thank you for requesting this! this was genuinely quite therapeutic to write so i’m glad i did it — it’s longer than i meant it to be at about 2.4k words, but anyway. here’s a difficult conversation with new boyfriend!harry.

major trigger warning for discussions of self-harm and scars. this is not a story for everyone, and could definitely be triggering if you are not in the right headspace. please be responsible and look after yourselves <3

this is also pretty unedited so forgive any mistakes. okay!! onwards!

It’s getting late when Harry asks you, ‘Do you want to spend the night?’

The meandering film you found on Netflix is drawing to a close, finally. The characters are on a boat, drifting away into an Italian sunset. You barely have a grasp of how they got there — mostly, you just listened to Harry talk over the dialogue about a pretty little café he knows just around the corner from where this scene was filmed, or how cool the water gets at night there and so the actors must have been shivering. All of it wrapped up, of course, in a quiet suggestion to take you there someday so you can see for yourself. You get a little thrill every time he says something like that. It means he’s thinking of a future with you, which means he wants one, even though it’s only been just over a month since you’ve been seeing each other.

He trails his fingers up and down your arm, bringing up goosebumps beneath your sleeve, and looks at you. ‘Or I can drive you home, if you’d rather sleep in your own bed.’

You hum. ‘No,’ you say. ‘I’ll stay. I’d probably end up falling asleep in the car anyway. I’m so tired.’

His dimple appears. ‘Good, because I’d probably fall asleep at the wheel.’ He grabs the remote and turns the TV off, then pushes himself off the couch with a groan. He holds his hand out for you. ’C’mon, then.’

You grab his hand and he hauls you up, his other arm coming up to your back to pull you into his chest. You fall against him, grabbing his biceps to steady yourself. The two glasses of wine you’ve had tonight have thrown your balance off. He presses a kiss to your hair as you giggle. Then he brings his hand up to your jaw to tilt your head up to look at him properly. You nearly melt at his green eyes.

‘Hey,’ he says. ‘I can sleep on the couch.’ His gaze is completely sincere.

You haven’t slept together before, both in the literal and figurative senses. You haven’t had sex with anybody at all, actually, and Harry seems to have picked up on your hesitancy. He’s never asked for anything. He lets everything stay on your terms.

That’s what makes you trust him.

‘You don’t have to do that,’ you tell him.

He holds your gaze for a moment longer, just to make sure. ’Right,’ he says, breaking into a smile.

He finds a new toothbrush in his cupboard for you, and you brush your teeth together. It feels like a big step to do these nighttime rituals with him. It’s so domestic. He shares his cleanser with you and offers his moisturiser that smells like vanilla. You imagine spending every night like this.

As he leads the way back into his bedroom, he pulls his shirt off. ‘I get hot at night. D’you mind?’

You giggle — you can’t help yourself, at the sight of his muscled torso with all of its tattoos. He’s so handsome. ‘Not at all,’ you tell him.

He throws the shirt into a hamper in the corner, and the birds on his chest seem to fly with the movement of his shoulder, then looks back to catch you ogling him. He chuckles, and the sight of his dimples gives you butterflies.

‘You like?’ he asks.

You narrow your eyes. ’Are you flexing?’

He relaxes. ‘Yeah, a bit. Just wanna impress you.’

You snort at that. ‘Like you need to do anything to impress me.’

He grins. ‘D’you want something more comfortable to sleep in?’ He rummages around in his drawer for a moment, then pulls out a t-shirt and holds it up for you. It has an incredibly faded image of Flinstones characters on the front. ‘How’s this?’ he asks.

You smile at his courtesy. ’Perfect. I love your t-shirt collection, by the way. Where the hell do you find things like this?’

‘Oh, you know… Here and there.’ He tosses it to you.

You catch it with some semblance of grace — you’re proud of yourself for that. ‘Thanks.’ You glance at the bathroom door. ‘Alright. I’ll just… get changed in here,’ you say, slipping through the ajar door.

‘Alright, love.’

You shut the door, and realise you’ve forgotten to turn the light on, leaving you in pitch-black. You grope against the wall for the switch and turn it on, and take a deep breath. Why are you so nervous, so frazzled? It’s just Harry. You shimmy out of your leggings, then pull your sweater over your head.

You look at your reflection. Well. There’s a problem. It’s easy for you to forget when you’re alone, or wrapped up in layers of clothing — it’s just a part of your body now. Artefacts from a different time, years ago. Even the memory of how you got them — how you gave them to yourself — is slipping away, thank God. It’s all a haze. These scars were carved by a girl that you don’t see much anymore. They aren’t really a painful reminder anymore, just a fact of life. You know they're there. The problem is, no one else expects it.

You stare down at your wrists, seeing the lines that never faded. Maybe if they were all like the thin white lines, barely visible until you look closely, you wouldn’t mind. You’re going to sleep, anyway, and it’s not like he’s inspecting your forearms. No, it’s the three darker ones, hard twisting scar tissue that you can feel even through sleeves. Times where you went just a little too deep, were a little too reckless. The ones you regret the most. They’re big, and ugly, and too obvious. He’d notice them right away.

But he gave you his t-shirt.

You look at your reflection in the mirror, furrowing your brows. You adjust your pose, twisting your arms around so the inside of your wrists are hidden, facing behind you. You look ridiculous. You know, as soon as you see Harry, you’ll reach for him, and he’ll see.

Would that be so bad?

You look down at your arms again. It’s been years, and they’re still there. They’ll probably be there forever. They’re as permanent as the tattoos on his skin — except those are beautiful, and what you have is not. You can’t show this to him. The world where these scars exist, and the world where he exists, should never cross over. It wouldn’t be right.

You pull your long-sleeve back on, covering them again. Then you put the t-shirt, which is long enough to be modest on you. This is fine, right? It’s better than any alternative, at least.

You leave the bathroom holding your folded sweats up to your chest, nervous now realising that you are standing in front of Harry in just your underwear, more naked than you ever have been in front of him.

He’s checking something on his phone as he sits on the bed, back against the headboard and long legs stretching down the covers, but he brightens up at the sight of you. His gaze drops to your legs — which makes your cheeks burn, but his boyishly excited expression dissolves your nerves — then rises up again to your shirt. He frowns at the long-sleeve.

‘Are you cold?’ he asks. ‘I thought it was pretty warm but I can turn the heat up if you need.’

You shake your head, dropping your sweats on the floor beside the dresser. ’No, it’s fine.’

He sits up straighter, swinging his legs over the side so his feet rest on the ground. ’Can’t be comfortable to sleep like that.’ He hesitates. ‘You didn’t have to wear the t-shirt if you don’t want to.’

‘No, I want to. I do.’ You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to figure out how to navigate this situation in a way that won’t end in him being annoyed or disgusted. ‘It’s just…’ You trail off, but one glance at his frown, at the way he leans forward and hangs on every word, makes your resolve crumble. You’ll have to have this conversation at one point or another. ‘Okay. Shit, Harry, can I talk to you about something?’

The way he answers immediately makes you want to cry. ‘Yeah, of course. Anything.’ He sits up straighter, pats the covers next to him, inviting you to sit down.

You sigh and cross the room to sit next to him, not daring to meet his eyes. How the hell do you explain this?

He moves his arm behind you once you’re sitting. Not touching you, but enough so he’s close. ‘What’s wrong?’ he prompts. ‘Do you need me to drive you home instead? Because I didn’t—’

‘No,’ you interrupt. ‘It’s fine. It’s just, I kinda…’ You take a deep breath. ‘Okay, please don’t freak out?’

He frowns. His next words are measured. ‘I’ll try not to. Is everything okay?’

‘Yeah,’ you whisper. It feels like the greatest effort in the world, but you curl your fingers around the end of your sleeve and pull it up, revealing your wrists. ‘So, I have these…’ Your voice shakes.

‘Oh, baby,’ Harry says quietly, and that’s all you need to hear. His arm behind you reaches around and pulls you into his chest, hugging you close to him. His thumb rubs circles into your shoulder as you sniffle, his other hand resting on top of yours.

‘It’s in the past, you know,’ you say, muffled into his shoulder. He smells good, you notice. Not that it’s really important right now, but you appreciate it all the same. ‘Not a big deal. Just didn’t want to scare you or anything. ’S embarrassing.’

‘Listen to me,’ he says, pulling back and holding your face in his hands. He waits until you manage to look him in his eyes. They’re watery, you realise, and that might be the most painful thing about this night. ’It’s not embarrassing, alright? I don’t want you to feel like that. They’re part of you, and I really like you, every part.’ He smiles. ‘I really do, you know.’

You sniff, wiping at your cheek with your fingertips, trying to calm your tears. Suddenly all your fears seem ridiculous. Did you really expect him to turn you away, disgusted? Ask to never see you again? You knuckle at your eyes. ‘Okay. I’m sorry.’

‘Hey.’ He springs from the bed to grab the tissue box from the dresser and brings it to you, pulling out a tissue and dabbing under your eyes himself. He’s so gentle. ‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry, that you were worried to show me.’

You chuckle, grabbing a tissue from the box and blowing your nose. What more can you say to him? He’s so wonderful to you. It’s early days still, and you’re wary of moving too fast and coming on too strong. You aren’t experienced with relationships in the same way that you know he is. But you love him. You’re sure of it. You’ll tell him, one day. Soon.

‘You don’t need to wear my shirt if you don’t want to,’ he repeats once you’re calmer.

‘I’ll wear it.’ And to show him, in your sudden burst of confidence, you undress right next to him, taking off both layers and then putting the only t-shirt back on. You turn to him, and giggle. He’s turned his head away. ‘You can look,’ you tell him, nudging his knee with yours.

He looks back with a sheepish smile. ‘Didn’t want to be a creep.’ He scoots backwards onto the bed, settling his back against the headboard. ‘C’mere.’

You crawl over to him, settling with your back against his chest, sitting between his legs. His arms wrap around your middle, anchoring you to him. He presses kisses to your neck, the scruff on his cheeks tickling you. You curl up, twisting your neck away, giggling.

‘Harry!’

‘Sorry, love.’ His hands relax, and find your own. He rests his chin over your shoulder, and gently turns your palms upwards, so your wrists are visible to him.

You shiver, but allow it. You feel this is important. You don’t want to hide with him.

‘Y/N…’ he says quietly. You feel his chest push against your back as it expands with a breath. ‘Am I… am I allowed to touch them?’ he asks.

You’re surprised. You thought he would want to avoid them. You nod, then, realising he can’t really see you, you add, ‘Yeah.’

Your fingers are tense. You can’t help it. His thumb presses into your palm, massaging the tension away. He pulls the back of your hand to his lips and brings it back to your lap.

You close your eyes.

When he finds the first hard lump of scarring with his thumb, he pauses. He takes a shaky breath, then he runs his thumb up and down the length of it.

‘Y/N,’ he says softly.

You squeeze your eyes shut tighter. ‘Mm?’

‘You’re beautiful, you know.’ He pulls your hand back up to his lips, but instead he kisses the biggest scar on your wrist. ‘No matter what. You are.’

‘Harry,’ you whisper, because you don’t know what to say.

He kisses the scar again, then trails his lips up your wrist, covering them all. ‘I don’t want you to be ashamed of anything. You survived. That’s a wonderful thing.’ He drops your hand and cups your jaw, turning your head towards his. He leans around your shoulder to face you properly. ’I’m so fucking proud of you, you know?’

You never were good at taking compliments, so you just cross the distance between the two of you and kiss him.

When you’re lying together in the dark a little while later, with his arm thrown over you protectively and his soft breaths hitting your neck where his t-shirt doesn’t cover, you feel safe. Your arms are bare, you’re with another person, and you feel safe in this situation for the first time in years. It’s a wonderful feeling. All because of Harry.

You can’t wait to wake up in the morning and see his face again.

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #fic #self harm tw

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grinmalkinhat · 2 years

Text

anyways block me if you're friends with:

gabugabumons

- claimed furryphobia was equivalent to racism (doesn't matter if it was a year ago)

- treated systems like shit

- claiming im a stalker for checking its blog to make sure it isn't spreading that soda drew c/p/ like it's partner did

- publically doxxed me and then said it was late (12 am) so they weren't thinking straight

- continues to trace my ip despite tumblr blogs having a password feature

- making fun of my partner for being pan (at the time) and making fun of me privately and never properly apologizing (immediately making fun of me again nulls the apology)

dollcoded

- claimed my partner drew c/p/ despite them drawing only drawing my ideal body after transitioning. I am 17.

- was racist to a native's face by claiming to give them "the whitest name possible" if they shipped something to their address

- blocked multiple people without warning and tried to come back like nothing happened

- pretended to be someone else to befriend his current partner (which they forgave him for??) yet saying my friend is bad for doing the same to him

- constantly lying and cutting information out of screenshots to make him look better

- using my last name in an email for himself

- said we were encouraging delusions despite claiming he was junko irl

- got mad at us for "being mean" to a 13 year old, despite suibaiting a 15 year old for being cishet

- probably more I'm forgetting

ome1et

- claimed my friend gr//med their own r/pist, because they was older than them

- just really weird for deciding to defend dollcoded

a-quietnight / catboybimbo

- defended eula (gi) for being a white savior

- shittalked me to my fiance's face

- decided to go behind sodas back and send dollcoded and ome1et shit about us despite me introducing them in the first place

- complains about money but got honks parents into gambling on genshin impact

- transmisandry truther

- agefaked to get into nsfw spaces

i have proof of all of this but since it's a ton I'm just gonna add a highlight reel

TLDR

i don't think that any of these people realize that they're pathetic and that's ok ^_^. i know I'm doing better and the fact that they're calling it cyberstalking and saying I'm a creep despite tracking my ip and stalking my other socials is really telling. i do not give a fuck about any of them. i know that they're miserable and taking it out on my fiance and i because they'll never be happy. i don't want them to be attacked because i know me living in their minds rent free is enough. i hope someday they can get offline long enough to realize that what they say does not matter to me.

kek.

#this isnt a callout post btw #if you make callouts on people that arent actually dangerous I hate you #this is just a psa #<3

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vrisrezis · 3 years

Text

aot characters having a crush + dating hcs (havent proof read sorry for any mistakes)

- she understands that there’s something that draws you to her, however doesn’t fully understand what it is at first

- it’s enough to make her be more interested in you rather than the yeagers

- she believes that it might be your strength that’s overwhelming (and if you have overwhelming strength she is convinced that’s what it is for awhile)

- it is until she sees how Niccolo and Sasha are with eachother does she actually realize that what she feels is love and attraction towards you

- upon realizing this, doesn’t know what to do at first

- she was originally professional, but often kept to your side and felt an odd protectiveness admiration towards you

- now, she was much more casual and more flirtatious

- while acting confident around you, she secretly got butterflies.. you made her ... nervous ..

- nonetheless flirting with you is often, sometimes going as far as to kiss your hand

- she wants to properly court you and get you to return her feelings. She’d feel really bad if you never felt the same. Especially since she isn’t as used to the feeling

- it takes a long time for her to finally ask you out officially, but she does and is pleased by your answer

- however being with yelena isn’t easy, she isn’t one to follow you around like a lost puppy

- she had her motivations, she’s a yeagerist. If you’re not okay with that she isn’t gonna care enough to bother to stay along.

- she feels bad of course, she loves you after all but still

- if she ever had to go against you it hurt her but she would also understand it just needs to be done

- when that mess is over though she is fine with just sticking by your side

- or if you join her it just makes your relationship stronger and better

- doesn’t like pda cuz people might think she’s weak but she’s very soft when you guys are alone though

- lots of smooches from her

- she loves to tease you as well, she can’t help it though..

- she says you’re just so cute she has to bully you a little (more like a lot)

- secretly wants you two to get married so one day she will purpose be prepared for it

- she knows it’s stupid but hey... she has some hope

- secretly feels lucky to be with you even if she doesn’t say it

- doesn’t say that she loves you as often as she’d like, which she feels bad for deep down

- she doesn’t always know how to be vulnerable and express herself, while yes it does happen it takes time

- in a way you are her safe space and you make her calmer

- in a way, you were her hope and her god more than zeke ever was.. and that’s because you allowed to her to feel freedom, to feel love and to feel being loved, you’re more of a god to her now more than .. anyone else

- so maybe she tends to be a bit too protective, and maybe she tends to be very short with others that wanna talk to you because she wants your attention, aaaand maybe she tends to go overboard for you because she believes you saved her...

- so maybe she shows she loves you through actions rather than words

(While I don’t like her in the romantic sense she is my second best girl so I felt it was almost necessary)

- having a crush is always complicated, especially when you’re a kid.

- when you’re a kid as stubborn and prideful as gabi though, it’s even more complicated.

- she doesn’t even realize she likes you either, she’s too into her own head. Too overconfident to think about other people and especially in that way .. she’s oblivious, even to her own emotions

- she can’t help but wanna be around you all the time though, that’s something not even she can ignore

- she tries to impress you often, she will do the dumbest shit just to get you to pay attention to her in some way

- she works harder than normal, falco notices that immediately and catches onto what’s going on

- she tries to act tougher around you, just better in general

- she gets protective of you, when she does something stupid and you follow along she gets really angry and doesn’t understand why

- eventually after a talk with falco, she realizes (finally) that she likes you but never knows how to approach something like that

- eventually works up to the courage to tell you how she really feels about you but it’s really rushed

- is very happy when you guys start dating though

- doesn’t know how relationships should go.. important to keep in mind it’s her first relationship and you guys are just kids

- everyone likes you guys together though

- often grabs your hand, as her way of trying to keep you protected

- she hates getting you involved in her messes but it happens very often and she feels bad about it like everytime

- the first time you kissed she was a blushy mess wow

- yeah you’re the only one that’ll make her so flustered like that

- and it’s easy too, all you gotta do is kiss her cheek, or hand, and she loses it

- she lets you do her hair every morning, ah so today you decided to do her normal look? With the ponytail with some hair down? Or maybe a full on ponytail? Or maybe a little braid, or maybe just leaving her hair down for the day? Yeah who knows! Really she doesn’t care you do her hair everyday now

- speaking of which likes you playing with her hair even if she doesn’t admit it or say much about it

- hugs are often from her but usually when nobody’s around, she’s been through a lot... especially for a 12 year old.. (probably you too), just hug it out y’all

- she has a problem saying that she loves you, not that she doesn’t but she feels almost scared to say it.. like maybe you don’t love her and just like her

- after all, you guys are young.. how would you even know what romantic love is?

- but deep down you both know that nobody else would ever in a million years make you guys feel how you two feel about eachother

- on multiple occasions thought of leaving this all behind with you and falco and just living in a forest or something together but she knows she wouldn’t be happy that way

- she was meant to fight, but she and you make a promise to try not to die in this shitty war

- she will brag about how amazing of a girlfriend she is, but also brag about how you’re a wonderful s/o and how everyone should be jealous of how happy she is

- you know how she screamed while those mfs were getting trampled? Yeah if anyone were to hurt you she screams that kinda crazy ...

- she’s just extremely protective and really doesn’t wanna lose you too:( she’s lost some close friends and she’s scared of losing you as well

- kinda just always sticks to you like glue

- Levi just refers to you as the brats s/o

- real talk though Sasha would’ve adored you guys and been your biggest shipper

- gabi gets embarrassed if anyone says how cute you guys are

( not interested in him romantically either but he is a fav)

- falco realizes quite quickly that he likes you, gabi loves to constantly remind him and tease him to hell about it which is so annoying to him ...

- while he worries about you .. way too often.. if you ever wanted to become a titan he is doing everything he can to make sure it doesn’t happen

- he is extremely blushy and flustered around you like at all times

- he can’t say for certain he’s in love, after all he’s a kid and he knows at that age he has no idea what that shit is but at the same time he’s never felt this way for anyone in his life and he doesn’t think he ever will

- protective of you, especially in battles. Would not hesitate to jump in front of you to save you and take any hits he can for you. He does this for gabi and still does. He’s a protective guy when it comes to you two

- he lacks the confidence to tell you how he feels, he is extremely shy with you

- eventually gabi eggs him on so much that he’s basically forced to ask you out

- he’s relieved you say yes

- he’s even more blushy around you though, and ends up panicking because he’s not sure how he should be around you..

- should he act different? Or the same? Yeah you get it

- he loves holding your hand though, while it does make him die on the inside it makes him happy and warm

- hug him and he will die

- kiss him and he will die like 10 times over

- seriously this boy can’t handle affection without having like a heart attack or something

- gabi just thinks it’s so hilarious

- sometimes gabi purposelessly gets you guys to kiss so he can just die

- he’s an awkward boy but he loves you ... yes he loves you

- he’s way too scared to say it though, what if it’s too soon, what if you laugh, etc.

- will genuinely get mad in a relationship now though if you still wanna be a titan.. before he kept it to himself but he believes he deserves a say now that you’re dating and really hates the idea of your life being shortened

- eventually he admits he loves you, he wants you to live a long life, he wanted you guys to get married someday

- he would have dreams, fantasies, about you guys getting married.. even before you were dating

- it’s how he realized his feelings

- he would have dreams about you all the time

- now he still does, but he can just visit you at night and be by your side

- if he can, he’d like to buy you things and overall spoil you

- or try to take you out on dates as often as he could

- everyone knew about his crush though if we’re being honest he is obvious as fuck

- he would be too shy to hug you, but secretly wants a big hug from you give him a hug you both have been through it

- secretly a clingy boy don’t comment on it he will die

- he just wants to keep you safe and protect you please let him protect you

- she’s a bit of a tsundere let’s be real! She can be a bit mean at times and brush you off

- or just relentlessly tease you

- however she cares about you, she wanted you to live a long life and not get yourself involved in this fucked up shit

- that’s why she for the longest time wanted you in the military police

- and why it’s so obvious to everyone else that she likes you

- she eventually admits her feelings thanks to marlo and she is forever grateful to him for it even after him being gone

- hand holding is often, and gives you a big kiss on the cheek usually

- she’s not shy about her relationship, she wants everyone to know. She doesn’t see it as weakness

- besides she lost an important friend, she wants you to know you’re important to her and that she isn’t ashamed of you or to be with you.

- enjoys teasing you in general, sometimes will tease and call you a perv even if you’re so obviously not being one she loves to embarrass you

- often feels worried whenever she can’t be with you

- she often freaks herself out and thinks something bad might’ve happened to you

- she always tries to be respectful of you and your boundaries, while this is a normal thing to do she really gets worried about overstepping ever and will apologize even when she doesn’t have to

- something about you just makes her more soft and more worried she’s doing something bad or wrong

- protective gal that will kick anybody’s ass for you to keep you safe

- in the world you live in though, kinda necessary isn’t it?

- she tries to take you on dates and even if it isn’t always a common occurrence she tries her best

- kinda wants to baby you sometimes but she also knows how annoyed she’d be if you did so

- she just cannot help but act like a mom sometimes to you, especially if you don’t know how to take care of yourself

- now that you’re dating flirting with you is quite common, she likes to flirt !

- especially if it makes you flustered, all of a sudden she’s a huge flirt now

- overall you make her nervous and flustered, so she wants you to feel the same

- totally used to gush about you to like Annie before you guys started dating, she couldn’t help it! Thankfully Annie found it amusing

- still even after all these years swoons over you like damn how are you so attractive

- still tries to convince you to stop fighting within the survey corps if she can but she knows she can’t at this point with how long it’s been going on you’ve clearly had your mind made up for awhile now

- she wants to start a family with you but doesn’t know how to tell you

- honestly just wants a normal life with you she loves you so much

- (btw, y’all end up having kids named Sasha and marlo <//3)

- she hates the idea of you dying it’s something she thinks about extremely often and she gets nightmares

- she tries to keep that from you, honestly she tries to make herself look strong in front of you like all the time

- she eventually opens up doe

- give her cuddles and hugs ;( plz

- oohhh boy here we go

- if falco was bad enough well here’s armin

- motherfucker dies if you even look his way

- he’s so blushy and so nervous, he cannot help it

- he would eventually get comfortable around you though, and would often talk to you about the sea and things he wanted to explore with you together

- or read books for you to fall asleep to

- it made him happy when you did though, it meant you were comfortable enough to fall asleep around him

- if you ever teased him he wouldn’t know what to say and would just stutter and not get his words out

- in general stutters around you from time to time he can’t help it you make him so nervous

- he told you how he felt of course because of mikasa and eren

- when you guys started dating though, he still didn’t know how to go about romance as it was entirely new to him.

- in a relationship? Not a protective guy let’s be real you’re the one protecting him half the time and he always feels embarrassed about it

- he gets worried easily though, if you’re fighting and tend to be reckless.. it’s easy to be overprotective of a rather weak boy so it’s likely he’s constantly worrying about you .. yeah

- more courage now that you’re dating so if you tease him he may stutter but at least he’ll try to defend himself a bit better

- loves giving you cheek kisses

- shy boy is not for pda but if you wanted it who is he to deny

- likes holding your hand, loves when you hold his hand... man he just loves you so much please

- he probably spent a lot of time talking about you to Annie

- he’s thought about starting a family with you but truly cannot bring himself to talk to you about it, in the world you’re in and the place he holds .. he will just have to wait

- while a smart person, you are somebody he will go to for advice from time to time

- mostly though, he wants to be somebody you can rely on

- spoils you, my god he is such a simp he can’t help but spoil you

- sometimes you’re a distraction he will just stare at you and when he gets caught he’s so embarrassed

- like armin is so obviously in love with you wtf

- he likes being hugged a lot

- often lays his head on your lap and falls asleep he finds it calming

- he’s very sweet, and calls you sweetheart or honey

- he likes to just remind you how much he loves and cares for you, he never wants you to forget.. even if it makes him blushy and embarrassed

- hitch totally teases him about how lame and mushy he can be when it comes to you

- you’re his biggest motivation to finish this war for good

- also he is quite insecure in a relationship but he’s generally insecure asf just reassure him <//3

- what a sweet gal! She loves spending time with you, talking to you about random shit like how your day was and whatnot

- sometimes complains to you about how tough the day was or how hard Levi made her work lol

- or about all the cleaning

- she tells eren about you quite often and even somebody as dumb as eren catches onto her feelings for you

- she’s aware of her feelings.. or eventually becomes aware of them

- she’s not sure initially what to do with them, she’s young but she’s not an idiot and she understands that loving somebody in this line of work isn’t ideal

- she hasn’t truly experienced what others have though, she doesn’t understand the full extent

- so she allows herself to selfishly tell you how she feels

- she’s glad you return them, and if you weren’t already in Levi squad you are now as you show to be an important asset

- often you two will clean together and spend as much time as you can, you keep your relationship mainly secretive

- it’s unprofessional and besides you two might be separated due to Levi’s order

- it’s just best to say you work better together, which you do btw

- while her father believes she’s too young to marry, he does like you nonetheless

- she’s always embarrassed when he brings up the marriage thing and how she’s still young

- the idea of getting married to you just makes her flustered and drives her crazy that’s all

- not for pda, again your relationship is a secret

- Levi catches on, he could care less

- holds your hand mainly, kisses your hand, caresses it ... she loves your hands please

- often jokes around with you, she always did but moreso now that you’re dating

- she likes to tease you a bit but it’s all in good fun, plus bonus points if you get flustered

- she wants to brush and do your hair in the morning (yes even if short)

- she lets you brush and do her hair too though

- in a modern au would totally be the type to make you music playlists and have you listen to them but okay

- she finds comfort in being around you, even in her worst times

- which would’ve saved her tbh

- she tries not to think too much about the future, or a future that could be without you.. she just wants to live in the present with you for now and pretend everything’s gonna be okay

- she’s (mainly cuz of her father) had thoughts about having a normal life with you and getting married and having kids

- she knows that can’t happen, not for a long time :(

- clings to your arm a lot

- she’s good at comforting you

- she’d do anything to keep you from being moody or sad

- she’s also very sappy sometimes

- blushy boy, anytime he’s around you his entire face is filled with an enormous blush that anybody can notice

- while people might not notice things about bertholdt they can at the very least notice his rather obvious crush on you

- if you haven’t made a move by now you either wanna see him do it himself or your oblivious as fuck

- lots of stutters

- probably sweats a little tbh

- stares at you constantly, it’s hard not to notice and Reiner comments on it quite a bit

- if you’re a soldier he definitely feels guilty, but considers taking you back home with Reiner (kinda like ymir with historia)

- he tells you how he feels finally because Reiner keeps egging him about it

- he’s a blushy mess as he confesses, but he’s happy that you say yes

- in a relationship he can be insecure at times, he doesn’t think highly of himself so it’s to be expected

- just reassure him:(

- of course you would know about his secret if you’re a soldier, and you’d have to be okay with it and not expose him. Of course he’ll say his side of the story and all that. It’s likely you take his now

- he’s still a blushy nervous ... and rather obvious boy

- sometimes he just wants to hold your hand but is too shy to but he’s so obvious about it since he keeps staring

- just take this mf hand already

- he’s too shy for a lot of things tbh

- also side note if you’re really short like historia that is so funny to him but he doesn’t say it out loud

- will absolutely swoon if you touch or play with his hair, first of all you’re probably too short to reach his hair so it’s not a common occurrence (or if not, always in public), but also because nobody’s done that before it makes him feel so loved

- after dating for awhile and being a bit more confident he is the type to say I love you often, he can’t help it because he genuinely does love you but sometimes is scared it’ll lose its meaning because he says it so often

- is extremely protective actually, light cause him to make some grave mistakes on the battlefield because of how protective he can be of you

- you in general got him swooning

- he likes to cook for you (back at home?)

- in general would love to just spoil you

- if you do the same he dies

- if you ever compliment him, big blush on his face

- honestly can’t help but talk about you to Reiner, Reiner likes hearing about it though and he’s not annoyed by it because Reiner is a sweet boy that likes hearing his friend be happy

- while he likes you laying on him, likes laying on you more, like your lap or something ..

- he’s a big cuddle baby he wants to be held despite being so tall he is just.. please

- he wants to protect you during the day but at night just wants to feel safe and protected in your arms

- if you were ever threatened, if you are attacked and etc he is gonna be yelling he ain’t going down without a fight

- you make his brain short circuit and you make him stupid

#yelena x reader #snk x reader #aot x reader #attack on Titan x reader #bertholdt x reader #gabi x reader #falco x reader #hitch x reader #armin x reader #petra x reader

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