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#i want to learn how to do everything absolutely ever
Stolas self-sabotages just as much as Blitzø does. Blitzø’s is just much louder and angrier. He is a flash of intense emotion that pushes you away. Stolas’ self-sabotage, in keeping with his character, is much quieter. He purposely puts himself in very uncomfortable and triggering situations (the Anti-Divorce party, the Anti-Blitzø party…lots of anti parties going on in Hell) because he thinks he has to. He assumes others don’t want to be around him so he doesn’t even try to socialize or form deep connections. And I think it’s worth mentioning, for all his talk in Look My Way about wishing he could see past the defenses Blitz has put up to cope with a harsh life, Stolas’ walls are just as strong, possibly stronger, and he has absolutely no intention of weakening them any time soon. Ever, if he gets his way.
Like, Blitz will mask his pain with jokes, but he’ll still…say it. He’ll still say he has daddy issues. He’ll stay say a Prince could never love an imp and he lashed out in fear. He’ll immediately follow it up with something disingenuous, but the words will still leave his mouth.
But remember in Apology Tour? “I’ve never seen you throw them back this hard.”
Blitz is still on the arc of learning to humanize Stolas instead of putting him on a pedestal, but the pedestal thing is partially Stolas’ fault. We don’t know what Blitz knows about Stolas other than Stolas has a kid, had a wife, collects carnivorous plants, is a gay man, and has an imp butler. Maybe he knows some other things, but we don’t know what else, if anything. Considering Stolas’ MO when he’s overwhelmed is to peace out, and Blitzø has abandonment issues…
But Stolas never told him about Stella. Or Paimon. Or that Octavia is a “precautionary heir.” Or the arranged marriage. Or that the other Goetia think he’s a joke. Or that he’s a rape survivor. Or that he struggles with severe mental health issues. Or even that he’s still injured from Striker’s knife wound.
So, if Blitz hadn’t sabotaged everything first, Stolas definitely would have been the one to do it. Probably so subtly, in such small ways, Blitz wouldn’t have even noticed until he came home from work and Stolas wasn’t there, his stuff gone and there being no indication as to why or how to reach him, most likely because the image he was trying to craft of being normal and put together finally cracked. Better get out now before they realize you’re not who you tricked them into thinking you were, right? Blitzø just loves the mask. And the mask has to fall off at some point. The show has to end.
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lexirosewrites · 2 days
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so i was driving to work the other day, taking the exact same route that i always take, and i passed a sign i see every single day. but for some reason, this particular day, i was hit so hard by a steddie thought that i instantly had to jot it down when i pulled into the parking lot of my job. i haven't stopped thinking about it actually, so i made it omegaverse and decided to send it in for slick sunday. this is VERY loosely based off something that happened in my own hometown a couple years ago. (also, for reference, the sign i saw was for a local business called munson construction, so the following thoughts make a lot of sense actually)
a!eddie and (possibly) b!wayne have a construction company. they don't a ton of business, but they make enough to pay the bills and put food on the table. they by no means live a life of luxury, but they're comfortable where they're at. plus, they enjoy what they do.
so, onto plot.
living in indiana, they don't get nearly as many tornadoes as some other states, but it does happen. one spring, hawkins gets hit hard. a lot of houses are completely leveled, even more are severely damaged. lives were lost. it absolutely devastates the entire community. so many families are homeless now. it doesn't take wayne and eddie long to decide that they're going to do whatever they can to help rebuild. they were fortunate enough to make it out on the other side generally unscathed. the worst they got was some damage from a tree falling on their roof, but it was a quick and easy fix for them. they know not everyone was so lucky. they want to do their part.
eddie doesn't expect it to change his entire life.
they start at the emergency refuge shelter. rows and rows of cots set up in the community center for those who either lost their homes completely, or have damages that make it inhabitable until repair. eddie is hardly one step in the door before he's drawn to a certain family. he elbows wayne and nods to the far side of the room. a baby is crying, being held and rocked by perhaps the prettiest omega eddie had ever seen. he needs to talk to him, even if it's only once.
as he and wayne approach, it becomes more and more obvious just how stressed the omega is. he rocks and bounces the child on his hip, desperately attempting to soothe. nothing seems to be working, though. the baby is still screaming, and people are staring. eddie's honestly feels really bad for the guy, who looks so overwhelmed and on the verge of tears. eddie can't just stand by and do nothing. he steps in, offering to help.
basically, from there, eddie learns that the omega (steve, duh) is a single parent who lost pretty much everything to the tornado. he and his daughter have been staying at the shelter, trying to figure out how he's going to get them back on their feet. obviously, eddie is in love instantly, and he is determined to take care of them in whatever way steve will let him. there's some back and forth probably, but eventually, steve also falls in love and they court and get married and blah blah blah happily ever after the end.
(a nice addition: post-marriage & mating, eddie builds steve a dream house by hand, where they grow their family and fill the home with love and support and all that good stuff)
ANYWAY, happy slick sunday :))
ahhhhh so cute!!!!🥺💕
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romeave · 2 days
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the real reason why mcd zane sucks, from purely a writing standpoint, is that the writers really want him to be a pure evil villian. a force of evil that can not be reasoned with or stopped. absolutely nuance free and unsympathetic no matter how you slice and dice it.
which, would normally be fine, but is a weird choice for zane specifically because the writers keep naturally bringing up ways to give him depth, only to bend over backwards to shut it down once they remember zane is supposed to be cardboard flat for their kid audience to remember he's the bad guy.
and by all the time i do mean all the time. here is a list of roads blocked off by the no development tree that fell across the road:
Zane grew up isolated even by the standards of noble children, as heirs to the O'khasis throne start their training rather young, and, according to accounts about his childhood, Zane preferred to spend his free time alone as opposed to with family. At some point, his father contracted some illness that turns people into asshole tyrants, and began to groom a very impressionable Zane into a good and obedient pawn for him to control on his quest for world domination -> Zane was actually always evil from birth, which makes him immune to trauma. Garte's dickheadness actually only affected the "good" Ro'Meaves, and actually it's Zane's influence that turned Garte into a bad person. Even shit that Garte did long after Zane died are Zane's fault by proxy.
Zane's strained relationship with his brothers are also largely attributed to Zane being evil. Honestly there's a lot I could put here but the most damning one is probably the fact that Zane isn't allowed to talk about his upbringing at all after vaguely mentioning having a dead brother on the docks.
Zane's initially introduced as an ambitious young priest who came to power due to his commitment to his studies. He secretly uses taboo ancient magic that people can't exactly come across if they don't have an obsessive drive to learn about the divines beyond the church's teachings. -> Actually Zane stole everything from "real scholars" and never actually cared about his research outside of what power it could bring him. Apparently he can't even read for himself without a "real scholar" in the room.
Zane's most terrible deeds (Kiki's pendant, Alexis, Falconclaw) were committed in service of opening the Irene dimension. Its implied that some, if not all of the specific deeds needed to open the portal were decided long before Zane ever got his hands on the amulets. -> Each portal-opening crime is treated as its own separate crime, motivated purely by sadism. Falconclaw specifically is referred to as a "horrific mass slaughter Zane had a lot of fun committing", even though everyone involved just painlessly fell over dead
Zane only raises a sword to people to have actively betrayed him. Jeffory betrayed him, the Wolf Tribe was plotting to eat him the next time he showed up, and Garroth committed treason two seperate times and shoved his own sword in Zane's face before Zane tried to kill him about it -> Evidence that Zane is just a bloodthristy killer who would kill his comrades unprompted. His victims are not traitors, but martyrs to his unreasonable wrath
Zane possessed the protector's relic for a period of time. Surely he must've had some reason to hold it -> Zane was entirely undeserving of the relic. He only had it because blood relations.
Despite already having a relic, Zane wants to get Irene's relic -> Exclusively to hoard power! No personal reasons or family reasons or nerd reasons. Just an insanely dangerous and high stakes task done solely to have them all. Like its a pokemon with life steal.
Zane gets turned into a Shadow Knight. Zane used to have an absurd amount of knowledge on the Shadow Knights, lots of shadow knights hate his gay ass, becoming a Shadow Knight is usually pretty traumati--> Zane doesn't feel trauma, duh!! He's actually stronger than ever.
And I know I'm aphblr's foremost Zane dick rider but this isn't a Zane did nothing wrong post its just bad writing. Zane's actions affect so much of the plot its fucking bonkers to give him the depth of an evil sheet of printer paper. Aph's usually pretty good at fleshing out her villians I don't know why the one guy who everyone and their mother has a connection to is just a knife roomba of a man. At the bare minimum he should've been as fleshed out as his brothers because then it'd be a tragic tale about a family being torn apart by a system they benefit from instead of a karma-farming AITAH post set in medival times.
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weepingtalecowboy · 3 days
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Four meets the colors
I decided to be absolutely evil so here you go fanfic prompt :
What if four was never capable to combine into link but they didn’t even get the opportunity to take turns because everyone controls different body parts and they have to coordinate absolutely everything together and pulling the four sword back just to be four people again isn’t something they can just do
They learned to live with it but no matter how hard they try to make it look naturally
they still move in a way that feels wrong even when they are trying hard to cooperate
Their feet have slight delay
their hands have trouble gripping stuff in a way that looks naturally and one hand might grip the wrong side of a box ending with nearly dropping it
Their face can show different and several emotions at once and they can sometimes be heard mumbling to themself
And because of that they are perceived as unsettling or unstable by their own village
Their father couldn’t truly understand or accept them because link his child essentially died and they know it no matter how hard he tries to hide it
Their grandpa is getting older and even though he grieved his grandson he still wanted to accept them and when he is gone they would only have Zelda left
And she spends most her time in the castle ruling Hyrule
Shadow is not coming back ever again
And because of that spend as much time as they can on blacksmithing to not have to worry about things
But when linked universe happens they meet a version of them that has everything they could possibly want
Like their own bodies and lives
Shadow is still alive
The village doesn’t fear them
Vio,Blue , Red and Green all get to go by their own names
And four has to go by link
It’s genuinely paining them because it just doesn’t seem fair
Main while the colors hate how four is looking at him
Because they used to think that link would understand and support their decision to stay apart
But obviously link feels to good about himself as the perfect and superior hero of the four sword
And they all start hating him for it because it means that their decision wasn’t approved by the one person it mattered from the most
The chain feels the tension but doesn’t really know how to fix it so they separate both
And when they all get to four’s Hyrule they feel ashamed of how bad they are viewed by their own village
Because the colors are loved but they are not
So they tell them that when they put the sword back they never became one
The colors feel absolutely horrified when they realize the implications
Because four's existence sounds like their worst nightmare
And it makes them feel sick
That a version of them could be so screwed over by their own existence
And shadow isn’t even with them
And their dad doesn’t even want them to exist
Man and they thought they had it rough
Four gets to meet shadow and has a mental breakdown over it
Shadow is also very disturbed by the situation
Also they keep four there is no way hylia can stop them (it still is extremely weird when they interact with their counterparts because they like don’t always have the same expressions )
but also four is all fucked up like red is delusional (he was doing his own thing the entire adventure in the manga), blue has an obsession with keeping things under control(getting frozen and swallowed by a host is not fun) (which is why he is so obsessed with cleaning because it gives him a way to control the environment ) , Vio is depressed about shadow,green has a hero complex (he is link if you delete all personality traits except hero)
Yeah that won’t be fun
The colors have it easy in comparison
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bloopitynoot · 13 hours
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Reading SVSSS: Chapter 15
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For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!
If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.
Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.
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It's chapter 15! Time to figure out what happened to SQQ in the latest cliff hangar.
Today no tea- but I did have a blackberry cider that was very tasty.
I also did impulse buy a baby's-first-fountain pen to get into my little writing flow and add to the ambiance of my note taking journey. So, pls ignore the worse-than-usual writing; I am learning to write with it.
let's goooooo!
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Well, SQQ appears to be in a coffin? p29
fuck, i'm already smudging the ink with my new pen. The lefty curse of it all. IDK how much of this is going to be legible later. RIP
okay... but how long has he been in here? MXTX is describing everything as dusty as hell. p30 (resolved as I read further- not very long LOL)
and he has his original body! That's exciting! Who did it though?? p30
LOL SQQ has 0 chance with this "advanced level plot" p31. He is totally fucked for sure.
These 'blind corpses' sound like a walking horror show. I would be so scared omg. I don't know how far the animated series got- but if this is animated that would look cool as fuck. p32
okay! they're fueled by breath! that's really neat though! pp33-34 Scary, but cool.
I would die immediately in this situation. When the thing (blind corpses) that are already horrible and unbeatable are scared of something else -> absolutely no hope in surviving. p35
ah, it is our little snake-man. I had a suspicion this was related to him and Luo Binghe's dad. He probably took SQQ's corpse too and brought it here. p35
OMG LOL Luo Binghe's dad is awful, but also feels like a troll AND is serving dad jokes. Re: thinking back to when SQQ knocked on the coffin and he answered from inside LOOOL. p36
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Listen. Can we just take a moment to appreciate the absolute DILF that is Luo Binghe's father? I am a whole lesbian but that character art cannot objectively argued as anything else. p37
and now SQQ is going on about Tianlang-jun having BDE (not those exact words but I mean when you say he's working that coffin like it's a Paris fashion week runway and Luo binghe - the man you are obsessed with- could NEVER, it says something.). p38
That fucking power move too! SQQ: seems you've waited a while to meet me, why don't you come out of there and do so. Tianlang-jun: *bats eyes* okay but only if you hold my hand and work for it p39
SQQ has this habit of getting kidnapped "for his own good" but no one ever tells him why it's good for him XD this entire situation is so annoying. Tianlang-jun did this all so that he could get him away from the sects he wanted to destroy. p43
OMG scratch that. He also wants to use him as bait to snatch his sons body as his own. p45.
aside: I'm going to have to organize these notes later- I'm not catching the nuance in the hand written notes LOL my brain is processing faster than my hand (you will notice that the last 2 points here do not match my hand written notes because they were a hot mess).
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What an entrance Luo Binghe! p47
Yes SQQ! You rescue your man from his dad (RE: holding Zhuzhi lang hostage) p51
holy shit. Zhuzhi lang is WILD - he really was about to just die instead of be a hostage LOL p52 I want to know what his character motivation is. He's giving the same blind trust energy as The Core Melting Hand in MDZS. Both just so loyal to a fault/their own demise. Do we learn more? or is this it? (genuine question- don't tell me WHAT we learn, just yes/no if we learn more).
That was so smart to hit the anti-theft measures in the tomb p53
aaaaaaaand he snatched the wrong person on the escape. well, that's fantastic. p54
I am loving the traps in this mausoleum though! The face with the magma and then the various rooms. I want to know if this exists as a D&D dungeon crawl/anyone has made one, I think it would be so fun. p59
omg. I don't think that Luo Binghe realizes/knows that that was his own father and cousin. that's so terrible. Truly Luo Binghe was treated so fucking badly literally his entire life. His dad does not even give a shit. Honestly probably only had him for this situation - needing a new body. p61
:((((( Our boy, Luo Binghe is in a bad way rn. gah! so many cliff hangers. p63
MXTX Cliffhangar Lord
And now I have to wait until tomorrow to see if baby Luo Binghe makes it. I'm sure SQQ is going to do something about it but dang, he is not well.
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imbecominggayer · 3 days
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How To Write Characters With Addiction
From @differentnighttale: "I am curious if you give advice about writing people with addictions for example substance. I have reasons my male MC does it. But how can I describe the addictions the MC has correctly."
In this post we are going to be talking about addiction! From alcoholism, substance abuse, nymphomania, to everything else that can be a possible addiction. This post will be all about making this realistic and complex :)
A) What Are The Benefits?, Make It Convincing
Grab a fucking piece of paper or whatever you have and just write a paragraph from your addict's perspective on the situation. Omit the bad stuff. Make it highly convincing. if you aren't thinking "hmm, understandable" after you've written and read it, you did it wrong.
What do they get out of it?
Why did they like it at first?
Are they calmer, more intensely concentrated, does it take the edge off?
Are they more confident?
Does it ease the sense of being fundamentally wrong or dull some other pain?
Is it fun to do something rebellious?
What made them like this thing so much they tried it again, and again, and again?
B) Think About The Consequences, And Ignore It
Oftentime, at least in my experience, people will continue with a bad habit if it means they don't have to be the one to think about the consequences.
The Consequences For Addiction Include:
Financial. Depending on what your character uses to get their fix and how much they use, they might be spending hundreds a week if they are a particularly aggressive user. People often steal money from their loved ones. Addiction also tends to get people fired. Write a scene where your drunk character gets fired for operating machinery. Have them be a burdenous sponge.
Social. It's common for addicts to lose their loved ones since it often gets to a point where it's impossible to care about these people despite how much you love them. Make love ones leave your character! And don't blame them
Physical. STDs, Overdose, Liver Failure, and a shit ton of other issues from the chronic to the fatal either cause, exacerbate, or are linked with addiction. Recovery can't automatically save your character so don't write that story.
Psychological. Being an addict isn't fun since you get to struggle with points 1, 2, and 3 all at the same time! Write about your character issues. Their lack of control. Their spiralling life.
Write all about your character's suffering. And then have them justify it. Make it convincing.
They need it. It's not their fault that this is the only that helps them! Everyone just doesn't get it. I'm trying to work on it, OK?! It'll all work out! They know that it's wrong but...
My most hated shit is when a character's arc is easy. They struggle with some things like a big dramatic argument with their wife, they cry a bit, and then they learn that "drugs are bad" so everything is fine :D
NO!!! Why don't you write about a friendship that doesn't get mended? A chronic illness they now have to pay huge medicine bills for? A fucked-up rap sheet that they can't escape?
And it's not because we want to punich addicts. It's because it doesn't matter if you care about addicts if you don't care about the messy shit!
It's easy to sympathize with an addict if you make them the most innocent victim who never hurts someone intentionally and who gets rid of the addiction in a second and never struggles with it ever again!
Do the hard shit. Make your readers sympathize with the unsympathetic asshole addict! Addicts aren't always good people! They can be dickbags. And they still deserve resources. Life isn't some kind of karma game where dickbags suffer and good people rise! Everyone deserves to not suffer!
Addiction is ultimately a disease. But it's a disease that can make someone you love into an absolutely unlikeable person. And this is coming from someone with an alcoholic dad <3 He does good things and bad things. I can sympathise with my dad and not let him walk all over me.
C) Withdrawal Is Leaving An Ex, Relapse Is Returning
Addiction is a motherfucker trying to leave. It's basically the equivalent of a clingy ex who keeps contacting you, asking for just one conversation, and the moment you so much as acknowledge them you are fucked.
And suffering the brunt of a clingy ex who won't take the hint tends to cause the same symptoms as withdrawal!
Obviously, withdrawal symptoms depend on what type of ex you have and what age you are and yada yada yada. Research for specificity :)
Withdrawal symptoms can include:
Headaches
Insomnia
Fatigue
Hallucinations
Seizures
Tremors
Cravings
etc.
BE AWARE: Relapses are when someone returns back to their drug if they were going cold turkey or going back to their original dose. Relapses can sometimes result in an overdose due to the fact that the brain has been weened off the substance and is now overwhelmed by the high dose.
Relapses often happen when a person makes the deliberate choice in order to stop these fucking nightmarish symptoms. To use the analogy of a clingy ex, you start talking to them in order to tell them to stop contacting.
Relapses can also happen through being in a setting where the behaviors associated with the addiction such as sex, gambling, drinking, substance use, and all manner of things are normalized.
This setting could be a party, a bar, or even a friend group.
Relapse is made more likely if someone is self-detoxing away from a support group or a doctor.
Writing about withdrawal and relapses are an important part in making a story feel more authentic. Just like with mental illness, people rarely learn the lesson and follow it perfectly. They make mistakes. Slip back into old habits. Do shitty things.
We aren't writing their suffering to punish them. We are doing it because you can't say you care if all you are willing to do is look at the easy parts.
D) Little Tidbits To Keep Track Off
This is the miscellanious things that didn't fit into their own boxes.
Friends!
Do they have friends who also have their addiction? How do they hang out? What are they like? How are their substance using friends different from their non-addict ones?
Slang!
Don't just look up slang for your substance of choice. You'll need to look at some first-hand accounts of addiction. Find an influence who has struggled with substance abuse in the past and see how they talk about it!
Variables!
Remember to keep their geographical location, socioeconomic status, time, and a host of other factors. If your character is a penniless alcoholic then it's unlikely they'll get their hands on some type of expensive gin. They'll probably use rubbing alcohol. Keep the price of your drug in mind.
A character's status will also impact their slang. No one unironically says doobie anymore.
A character's location will also impact how they get their shit and how other characters will react to that addiction.
A character's financial status also impacts how the consequences of their actions impact them. A low-income character wont be able to afford the same medication as a rich addict. They also won't have the same luxury for quality therapy, rehab, programs, time, anything really.
Look At The Addict And The Loved Ones
Try not the skew the reality of addiction to paint the addict as the victim and the loved ones as evil for not being forgiving and tolerant enough.
Keep sympathy for both the addict and the loved ones. Or drop sympathy for both of those characters.
E) RESOURCES
FDA and DEA online databases and drug resources
Social Networking Groups
Medical Journals
Local medical professionals, police, and medical examiners
The US national poison center
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chaos-of-the-abyss · 3 days
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How would you envision Elrond and Elwing's reunion in Valinor 🥺? I can already imagine they would hug for a lonnngggg time to make up for the years of being forcefully separated from each other. Also, Elrond would be ecstatic to know that Celebrian and Elwing (in my head, lol) have bonded and become close to each other.
yesssss i too believe they would hug and cry for a very long time, like they'd just fall into each other's arms <3<3<3 and elrond can finally break down embraced by his mother the way he never had the chance to for literal thousands of years. a tangent, but i don't think elrond ever felt comfortable showing such extreme, uncontrollable vulnerability in front of others -- having been kidnapped as a child by the people who murdered most of his community and as good as forced his mother to suicide, he pretty much came to hide anything that could be perceived as "weakness" for fear of how maedhros and maglor would react to it. and even though he does grow more emotionally healthy once he finds people with whom he can truly have a good relationship, he still finds it difficult to so entirely let down his guard around people. but with elwing -- it's like he's a child again. as soon as he sees his mother's face, the exact same face that he remembers from his memories and his dreams, the exact same face he associates with strength and love and bravery ever since he was young -- everything all comes rushing out. it's like all the tears of pain and fear at her being taken from him are finally flowing after being reined in for millennia.
i can't imagine how utterly cathartic their reunion, at long last, would be to both of them. they wouldn't let go of each other for a while, that's for sure, and they would probably spend hours and hours and hours learning everything they can about each other. i doubt they'd be willing to be apart for at least several days after that. they are going EVERYWHERE together for the next month. joined at the hip. elwing at some point introduces him to all her friends and kin that she's met and connected with since she came to valinor, and elrond finds a litany of relatives who are delighted and proud and awed. lots of teleri especially are so heartened, particularly the ones who knew thingol from before they came west. that's the great-great-grandson of their king's beloved brother. and speaking of thingol -- elwing has already grown close to him since she came to valinor, she and elrond go to visit him together, and thingol cries once again and adopts yet another descendant. tbh he adopts every single descendant of his that sails west. spoils them rotten like they're children even though they're all grown adults who've seen some shit. what do you mean he can't shower them in every single gift that catches his eye or comes to mind. they're his descendants, he can do what he wants!! he will coddle them, and elrond is by no means an exception.
it's also my hc that elwing and celebrian meet when celebrian arrives in valinor! celebrian tells her mother-in-law all about elrond and all about elladan, elrohir, and arwen. elwing adores her daughter-in-law and celebrian is one of the few people who she'll regularly hang out with. they visit each other and everything, elwing is there with her when celebrian meets her telerin relatives (who already all know and love elwing). suffice to say you're right, elrond is absolutely delighted to learn how close his mother and wife have become. they all spend heaps of time with each other -- with earendil, too, when he comes home. it won't take away the injustice of elwing losing so much of her son's life, and elrond losing his mother at such a young age -- but it's good. at last they're the family they couldn't be long ago, and they're all very very happy together
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uncanny-tranny · 8 months
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There's something so insane to me about being able to create and recreate vintage or even ancient music, clothes, fabrics, building architecture, anything, really.
I watched this video about a lady who knit a WWII-era vest, and it was really unique, because the cable work would eat up yarn, when there were shortages of fibers. This pattern would have likely been used by people to send overseas to soldiers, and now it's being created in a time where this war has been over for generations. What were the people making this pattern thinking of? What about the people making the vest? Could they fathom a world where world wars didn't happen back to back? Could they imagine what peace felt like, or did it fade like a distant memory, a faint friend? All we have now are the remnants of their efforts, a "simple" vest that would warm the bodies of countless people the knitter would never have imagined were here on earth with them.
We're reaching across time to learn about other people - we're reaching our hands out just to grasp anything tangible. And when we've take hold of something, all we can do is say I love you I love you I love you
#positivity#art#i also come across this absolutely stunning woman who collects vintage pieces from the '50s and it's just. it's mind boggling#or how we've found ancient sheet music and have recreated its contents#do you ever think about how we're time travelers#do you ever think about what might be recreated of us in the future#this isn't about nostalgia baiting but about how we learn and process the ways that people in the past lived#you don't have to feel nostalgic for WWII to be intrigued by this (it would be very concerning if one WAS nostalgic for WWII)#i just. i die a little inside because i know i will never know everything...#...i will never know every lottle thing about people in the past especially...#...and i am never completely satisfied because only a very selective amount of things are preserved and remembered...#...i wonder then what 'forgotten' people thought and felt and how they lived...#...especially as individuals or as a small clan of family and friends. i want to know them intomately - as if i myself have become emeshed..#...does this make sense. i don't just want to know about nobles and kings and the wealthy...#...i want to know what the lacemaker for a king felt making lace for the royals...#...i want to know what the rice field worker thought about when the fields were flooded and they swatted a bug away from their skin...#...i want to know what a mother of a small child thought when churning butter - her baby cooing and making a mess...#...and it sucks sometimes to know that we're time travelers but in a very narrow sense. but i still love what we have got...#...don't get me wrong i love it. but i still grieve that we have lost a lot of history - a lot of people...#...or maybe we have only lost them in the sense that we just haven't located and found them *yet*#anyway i've watched that video multiple times now and i just go absolutely animalistic thinking about it#all of this is complex and i have Plenty of thoughts about that. but at least to me this is what i've seen a lot - a lot of love#and isn't studying this - recreating it and analyzing it - isn't that a form of love?#am i... a nosy person..........
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franeridan · 1 year
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ace's death might be the biggest thing fans regularly retcon in op fanworks and that's probably because ace is one of the most loved characters in the whole series but i was thinking that a huge part of why people can't just accept that it was a necessary evil and move on is that ace died without ever knowing sabo was alive and sabo got his memories back only after it was too late to do anything about them re: ace. by people I mean me. I find that unacceptable.
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Contemplating the concept of "potential" when it comes to intelligence and realizing how heartbreaking Logan's "Dreams come true, that's news to me" line in the Crofters Musical.
#screaming into the void#definitely not okay today lads#i'm finding myself grieving my intelligence and contemplating if it was ever there to begin with#when i was younger i excelled in science so everyone assumed that i was a gifted kid despite my very obvious struggles in math and spelling#i was told over and over if i could just apply myself to other subjects the way i did with science#then i would do better in those subjects and reach my full potential#my identity was hung on my intelligence for me by the adults in my life none of them even considering a learning disability#now as an adult it all feels meaningless#especially having been forced into going to college where it was made very quickly and abundantly clear that I wasn't actually gifted#i was just average#that was absolutely devastating to me and it's a thing i struggle with and i want to be angry about it but i dont know how to be#i was told over and over in childhood that i could be anything when i grew up that i could do anything if i just put my mind to it#then recieved little to no actual educational support for any of it especially when i discovered writing#and i dont know if i was never as smart as i was told i was or never even had the potential i was told i had#or if i just didnt have enough support#i dont believe in myself anymore and i dont think i was ever actually believed in by the adults in my life either#i think they would have supported me better if they had#or maybe they just didnt know how to#my dad has wondered and questioned me about where my drive ans passion went and i dont have the heart to tell him that#it evaporated when he told me i wouldn't be successful as a writer when he told me that i would only be successful by going to college#when he constantly questioned everything i did and made me doubt myself over and over again#i dont know how to combat this feeling of worthlessness that comes from feeling lied to about my intelligence as a kid#i dont know how to comfort myself in the face of realizing i probably didnt have all then potential i was promised i had#and even if i did at one point have it i lacked the support necessary to nuture and grow it#how does one grieve being promised the world only to find out that was never truly an option?#how does one become comfortable with learning and growing again when it's been made to feel unsafe#and a threat to their frail sense of identity?#how does one find peace and contentment in an ordinary life when they were promised so much more?#not just promised so much more but expected to be so much more and now feel the weight of expectation on them?#i feel like i was promised the world and told that it would be easy to conquer and when it wasnt it was due to my own fault and failings
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void-tiger · 2 months
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Maybe it’s the “avoidant” part of my “fearful avoidance,” but. I really just…don’t care if someone I’m attracted to romantically likes someone else, or doesn’t share those feelings. Like, you do you. We’re not dating or owe eachother anything, and it all boils down to autonomy and compatibility, anyway. (And let’s face it, I don’t believe I’ll ever be compatible with anyone in terms of physical intimacy and I’m not able to compromise that without bruising my own boundaries, so.) But also like. I’d just. Turn attraction “off” if I could reach inside my head and flip a switch. Sadly humans aren’t that simple. Absolutely unfair.
Nah. What does get me into the Fearful instead (and struggling with that FA push-pull of “keep away/please don’t leave”): whether or not someone even wants to be my friend. Especially when I also accidentally developed attraction to them.
#tiger’s roar#acengst#fearful avoidant#…and yeah. I really am just Stuck sitting with my feelings#the same way I have to Sit with my cptsd around environments and forming IRL friendships in GENERAL#absolutely unfair but whatever#it’s exposure work babyyy!!#kinda makes me wanna laugh. SARDONICALLY. when I have people tell me to ‘just work on myself’#this IS self work. learning how to cope with platonic and romantic feelings and the fears that automatically come with them for me IS.#and it absolutely sucks. believe me. I’d rather not feel them at all#I keep poking at them to try and ‘turn it off’ because my adhd brain wants to FIX it#but the only thing I can ACTUALLY do is accept that I have them#especially since admitting them to the person in question would 90% make things worse ‘cause of their own wounds and load#IF things could ever reach a point of nuance vs All or Nothing being accepted and not trigger a flee patterning again? maybe#but as it is I kinda feel like we talked around and walked right up to the elephant but didn’t take the sheet off it#yeah carrying it sucks. but since all I wanted was the friendship and NOT the addition of romantic attraction…#…anyway. they’ve done quite a bit to try and make up what happened.#and I’ve done everything I can think of to assure them that I won’r pressure them. value THEM more than the friendship#and…not exactly dropping hints but. trying to let them know IF. that’s their call. I just want the friendship healthy
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we#deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to#give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in#the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when#projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing#dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will#ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do#something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r#stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even#then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a#broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything#done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i#think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with#thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno#whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is#hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse#but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday#unrelated
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dutybcrne · 8 months
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Thinking over parent hcs and honestly, Itto is just like.
Goofy
Itto would just outright be Goofy like of the Goofy movie continuities
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yiangchen · 1 year
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why do men feel the need to speak so loud
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honey-skulls · 10 days
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How the hell do you go on with your day and life when you just learned that your mother is so fucking selfish that she kills animals for no reason, and throws a fit if you try to take the rotting corpses away from her garden to be retaken by nature
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m00sebaby · 17 days
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just having a bit of a ramble dont mind me
#having a boyfriend who likes sports is wild and exciting to me#its been a year and its still like#oh? you want to put the tennis match on one monitor and the football game on the other while i watch baseball on my phone?#you want to wake up early to watch liverpool?#he asks me questions like about why luke weaver was so excited to get his first save on the yankees#and despite bemoaning it at first shows genuine interest in footy matches when theyre on#to the point of learning all of the players and already knowing we love darwin no matter what he does#and then to the point of agreeing to extend our trip to dublin in case liverpool made it to the europa final#and THEN to the point of asking if anyone else interesting was playing in the final after liverpool lost against atalanta#and further to the point of saying if i won a kit if he could have it#and even FURTHER to the point of sitting with me in a pub in dublin to watch the last liverpool match of the season#and then when we watch american football he explains different positions to me and like knows so much?#and same for hockey#and when he was asked to go to a hockey game in front of me all of 4 months into our relationship#he said 'i should ask liza if she wants to come because she'd be mad if she missed out on a game like that'#meanwhile the guy who asked him had his gf next to him and she was like 'can i go?' and he said 'if you want to'#like just the fact that my mans knows how stupidly important sports are to me and hes fully embraced it#and absolutely listens to me hurl absolute abuse at the television when my team lets me down#and not that i've ever vibed with the idea of subconsciously dating a guy who is like your dad#(i love my father dearly but many core facets of his personality drive me insane to no end plus i did that for many years and boy howdy. no#but the only other person to ever fully embrace and actively try to enjoy the sports i like is my dad#and its just such a loved feeling. i have never felt so so loved before.#like in a way thats not predicated on what i do or how i act its just like he loves me for me. everything else is a bonus.#i feel lighter. i feel like hes a gift. i have never experienced so much trouble in such a small amount of time while feeling so... ok??#like he isnt perfect at verbally comforting me all the time but he makes up for that by just being present and warm no matter what#i just could not be happier and feel more secure#sometimes i say 'i want to date you forever' and he hits me with '... and never get married?" and i have to fight to be vaguely normal#like oh lmao you like. you like me fr fr?? wild#anyways back to sports ignore me
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