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woniverse-writes · 11 months

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"Moth to a Flame (part 7)"

Bada Lee x Reader

part 6 ⟵ part 7 ⟶ part 8

series masterlist

summary: y/n l/n is the youngest team member of Jam Republic, competing in the second season of Street Woman Fighter. she’s got the sweetest smile and the most vibrant personality, but she also may or may not be the biggest hothead on the show when it comes to defending her teammates. apparently that’s attractive to Bada Lee.

word count: 9k

warnings: swearing, minor angst if you could even call it that, tbh this doesn't feel like my best work so i'm sorry, not proofread, nothing I write is a reflection of anyone's true character and is a work of total fiction

After Deep n Dap had been defeated by Wolf’Lo, There were a few days between the elimination and when the crews were supposed to gather again to learn the group choreography for the trailer. In that time Jam Republic had been booked and busy- they had a long-awaited team dinner, went to some dance classes, and even taught some of their own.

Y/n specifically took a class with Harimu at 1 Million, that happened to to be taught by Redy. the three hung out before heading to the studio, grabbing lunch and bonding over dance and being the youngest members of their crews.

“So how’re things among the other Jam girls? Are you all getting accustomed to things here?” Redy asked after taking a sip from her mimosa

“They’re all doing great- as I explained earlier, it wasn’t really hard for me to get re-situated, but I was actually really nervous for them at first…” y/n explained briefly, causing both 1 Million dancers to tilt their heads and furrow their brows

“Aww, why? Because of the language barrier or just being in a different country?” the older of the two questioned again

“A bit of both- I knew the language would be hard for them since it took me years of studying to even be able to speak and understand it somewhat fluently, but I felt okay enough to be able to translate for them… I was mostly worried about how we’d be perceived by Korean netizens I guess, since we’re such a diverse team…” The youngest dancer played with her straw once she finished her sentence, a bit shy to admit her original concerns for her team. The other two nodded sympathetically

“Well, have you made any other close friends?” Harimu finally chimes back in, wanting to avoid the deeper conversation that she felt was about to arise

“You and Lusher seem pretty close- Tatter too!” Redy exclaimed, having remembered the girls’ reactions to Y/n, as well as how easily the blonde got along with her during the rank mission. Y/n smiled softly and was about to confirm their friendship before the other 1 Million dancer snorted and began talking again

“Now that you say that I can’t help but be curious about what’s been going on between you and Bada” she teased out of curiosity, not noticing how quickly the younger dancer’s face dropped. Y/n didn’t say anything at first, taking another sip from her drink, causing the two to look up from their own over at her.

“...there’s nothing going on between me and Bada… we aren’t even friends…” Y/n softly tells them, leaving both of them shocked

“Woah- what??? Did something happen?? Just a couple of weeks ago you two were all over each other!” Harimu loudly explicated, earning a smack to the arm from her teammate

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to Y/n, we understand… I especially understand that Bada isn’t the greatest at communicating so…” Redy comforted the girl, but y/n just chuckled a bit sadly before sighing

“It’s okay, I don’t mind explaining it to you guys…” She told her two friends and then did just that. Y/n explained how she and Bada became close quickly, how they hung out as just the two of them on multiple occasions, leaving out the parts where things got a bit too intimate, but it wasn’t hard to fill in the blanks. Then how things went south as soon as the pressure was on for the mega crew mission. By the end of the retelling, y/n’s mouth felt dry and she couldn’t help the feeling of shame that arose once again at the remembrance of how childish and immature she had acted.

“Wow… I didn’t think it was gonna be that bad…” Harimu mumbled, reaching over to take a sip from Redy’s mimosa, causing the other to fumble to try and stop her before immediately giving up to pay attention to their friend

“I’m so sorry you had to experience that Y/n… you didn’t deserve that.” Redy reached across the table to hold Y/n’s hand, the younger looking up to meet her eyes before pursing her lips

“I mean… I kinda did… maybe not all of it, but at least most of it-”

“No way- I wouldn’t even say you deserved a quarter of it” the younger 1 Million dancer cut her friend off, not liking how self-deprecating she was sounding, causing her teammate to nod and hum

“Harimu’s right- sure you said some things you shouldn’t have and you may have started the argument, but if Bada had been so mature herself, you two probably would’ve been able to get out of that fight with your relationship still intact.” the oldest of the three intelligently remarked, causing her teammate to hum and nod while Y/n just sighed

“I can’t believe you two haven’t talked at all since then…”

“Redy she doesn’t even wanna look at me or acknowledge my existence when we’re in the same room, I wouldn’t be able to get close to her even if I did wanna talk to her…” Y/n pouted and leaned against her hand. They all sat in silence for a moment until Harimu sat up straight with a gasp

“Have you tried getting her attention? Like- maybe you don’t have to be the one that talks first!” she exclaimed with wide eyes, leaving the other two with very confused expressions. She sighed dramatically and continued with her idea

“What if you try to make her jealous??” Y/n gave a deadpan expression in response as Redy rolled her eyes and mumbled an ‘oh my god’ under her breath

“Girl- I already told you we weren’t… a thing… so how would that even work?” the youngest questioned exasperatedly

“And I already told you how I don’t believe that for a second, BUT- “ Redy snorted as she couldn’t help but agree with her teammate since they’d all seen how Bada and Y/n looked at each other

“We do what every dancer does when they’re trying to make someone jealous- a duet…” Harimu finished explaining and the others just sat there, waiting for her to explain in further detail, which caused her to huff before doing so

“Y/n, you can do a duet with one of us that has a lot of partner work, and touching and it’ll be like- spicy- ya know??? And it’ll make Bada jealous!” the middle dancer finally finished explaining

“It’s not a terrible idea…” Redy chimed in apprehensive, not wanting to upset her friend, but also agreeing with how well it could work. The two 1 Million dancers waited to hear what the youngest had to say, leaving Y/n sighing

“It’s not a bad idea, but the only way it’d work was if Bada actually still cared…” she mumbled sadly and pouted into the hand that she was leaning on

“Well, there’s only one way to find out!”

The three finished their lunch and headed over to 1 Million Dance Studio for Redy’s class. Afterward, they stuck around and began choreographing a duet for Y/n and Redy

“Oooh, you know what would make this even better??” Harimu excitedly inquired, leaving her friends a bit worried once they saw the mischievous look in her eyes

“Oh god… what?” Y/n whined, throwing her head back

“If you used a song she’s already choreographed too- perhaps a song that no one knows she’s choreographed to yet…” The younger 1 Million dancer raised her eyebrows up and down, yet the other two stood confused. Harimu sighs once again before pressing play on the music she picked. “Psycho” by Baekhyun started playing and Redy burst out laughing

“We can’t- that’d be so mean!” the youngest of the three expressed more of her concerns out loud

“No it wouldn’t- Bada doesn’t own this song. And plus, we could always say something nice about how she was the one who reminded us of this song… nobody else knows the reason we’re doing this besides us Y/n, so it’ll only seem mean to you… and maybe her but she deserves it!” Redy defended, assuring Y/n that there wouldn’t be any repercussions from the public

“Exactly- the mega crew missions won’t air for a while, so people probably won’t even connect the two anyway!” Harimu chimed in, throwing an arm around Y/n’s shoulder, causing her to let out a sigh

“Alright… let’s do it-” she gave in and the other two cheered and jumped with joy, excited to choreograph the piece and cause some chaos. They worked on the piece for hours before filming it. Redy decided she’d be the one to post it, just in case it did cause some drama then it wouldn’t totally be pinned on Y/n. The three girls finished their hang-out sesh and went their separate ways.

When Y/n had settled into her apartment her phone lit up with a notification from Instagram, letting her know she was tagged in a post. She clicked on it to see the video of her and Redy’s choreography, where the older dancer had captioned it ‘been obsessed with this song lately- thanks @badalee_!’ with a bunch of black, white, and pink emojis. Y/n reposted the video to her story and made sure to leave a comment before turning off her phone and getting in the shower.

Meanwhile, team Bebe was out having dinner when Bada’s phone pinged with a notification. Unlocking it, she opened Instagram to see that Redy had tagged her in a video- a video that had her heart clenching the second she processed what it was, or rather who it was.

Tatter had also opened Instagram while they were waiting for their food to arrive and saw the same video as the first thing on her feed. She turned to Bada immediately and showed her the video but ended up bursting out laughing when she saw the same thing already pulled up on the older girl’s phone.

“I really don’t see what’s funny about this…” the leader mumbled sourly, while her teammate continued to die of laughter. The others sat confused until Lusher reached over to take Tatter’s phone which she had dropped on the table. The sub-leader tried to stifle her own laughter once she saw the video and read the caption, before sliding the phone back over to the blonde.

“You guys seriously aren’t annoyed by this? They took our song!” Bada childishly whined, causing Tatter to laugh even harder while the younger members started asking what was going on. The eldest tossed her phone gently in the middle of the table for everyone to see the video, and while a couple were confused the other couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Oh no Bada- they took your song. We didn’t mess with Y/n… this is targeting you…” Lusher smirked as she took a long sip from her drink, causing the leader to scoff

“Seriously? You really think this is specifically targeting me? And why would Redy do that… especially since me and her are good now-”

“So you think this was Y/n’s idea?” CheChe questioned with a raised brow

“Of course! She’s obviously still out to get me with her immature antics…” the leader dramatically pouted and crossed her arms. To her teammates, she looked like a spoiled child who just got told they did something wrong for the first time. This caused most of the members to either scoff or burst out laughing

“Well you were the one who took it as an attack in the first place- maybe they genuinely just wanted to dance to the song…” Kyma chimed in, shrugging her shoulder, causing the leader to groan and throw her head back against the booth they were all in. She glanced back at her phone to see that Harimu commented on the video- something about how she was glad to be a part of the process. Then the leader clicked on the girl’s story to see she had reposted the video as well, complimenting her teammate but also making some flirty comments about Y/n. almost as if she could read Bada’s mind Lusher spoke up

“Y/n does look really good though… I’d get on that apology Bada or else you might lose your chance…” Lusher whispered the second half of her statement, teasing her team leader with a smirk, knowing how the dance was actually affecting her.

‘great now I have to worry about my own teammate AND these two stealing my girl…’

______________

After the short break they had gotten from filming, all the remaining crew’s returned for the filming of the season teaser video. Y/n had been gradually getting back to her old self after the mega crew mission had ended, feeling much less stress after completing it and having survived the elimination. The poor girl is still absolutely destroyed and guilt-ridden by the entire situation that occurred between her and Bada but is slowly finding it easier to ignore her presence. At this point, it’s been almost another full week since the elimination- meaning it’s been about two weeks since the two had last spoken to each other.

All the teams gathered in the main filming area after going through the hair and makeup process like usual, but it felt different to Bada. As soon as she laid her eyes on Y/n it was honestly like the Bebe leader had an epiphany.

“Woah… I fucked up…” she mumbled to herself, noticing how Y/n’s eyes didn’t sparkle anymore and how she was rather calm. The young girl had always been a bit chaotic and energetic when it came to filming, so what was wrong? This wasn’t a mission, so there was no need to stress- so what could've possibly been weighing Y/n down? And that was when Bada realized, that she was weighing her down…

“Goddamn- it’s about time you noticed…” Tatter mumbled in return, sighing once she noticed her leader’s sad puppy eyes and lips slightly parted in shock. For the rest of the shoot Bada is putting on her best stage face because her feelings are not correlating at all with what she’s supposed to be portraying.

When they aren’t filming or there’s a break, Bada can only focus on how pretty and sad y/n looks. She doesn’t look sad all the time, but the older girl noticed that whenever she was by herself her mind seemed to always drift somewhere sad. Her smile fades (even though it hadn’t reached her eyes in the first place) and the younger girl suddenly looks so much older with how sunken her eyes are- had she been sleeping? Was she not eating enough? A million questions were racing through Bada’s mind and she tried to keep them pushed down for now, seeing as how she knew the second she started thinking, she knew she wouldn’t stop

Bada knew she was part of the reason why the jam republic dancer was like this, but she couldn’t bring herself to talk to her. So she did what she thought was the next best thing- talk to her leader. She tried to start off with a small conversation between herself and Kirsten to get a feel for the Jam leader’s attitude toward her, which worked in her favor seeing as the other had seemed pretty chill about talking with her. The rest of Jam Republic on the other hand (minus Y/n) observed with questionable glances as Bada laughed and joked with Kirstne like usual.

“Now what the actual fuck is her problem…” Ling commented out of absolute rage and distaste for whatever was going on a few meters away from them

“She better not be trying to pull some stupid shit, cuz I don’t play when it comes to Y/n…” Emma mumbled glaring at the Bebe leader along with the rest of her team. Latrice huffed out a laugh and turned to look at her

“You would sacrifice Y/n to a cult if it meant you got a good laugh out of it…” the sub-leader of Jam Republic commented with a little joking smirk, causing the other members to ease up a little bit and crack some light smiles

“Well yes- I would, but that doesn’t mean anyone else is allowed to!” Emma retorted, sticking up her nose dramatically. Y/n was luckily off getting her hair fixed with Redy and Yoonji, seeing as they all had these little crystals glued in their hair, and a few had fallen out during the first few runs. The Jam Republic members were just glad she wasn’t present to see the interaction, knowing their youngest member would either burst into tears and spiral into a mental breakdown, or spontaneously combust into a ball of flames and go on a rampage. Either way- it would not have been an easy situation to deal with.

Yet the Jammies’ relief is short-lived as they took their second break. Y/n came bounding over after doing a short segment with all the youngest members of each team, a bright smile on her face as her members awaited her return. They had all monitored the performance with smiles of adoration, hyping up their baby the whole time. They praised her and pinched her cheeks, teasing Y/n affectionately until Bada walked by.

“You ready for the leaders’ shot?” she questioned with a hand on Kirsten’s shoulder. The Jam Republic leader turned her attention away from her youngest member briefly to give a polite nod and smile. Bada jerked her head in the direction of where they were heading to film, signaling for the younger leader to follow her in that direction. The two began walking off before Kirsten turned back around to wave to her members, leaving the Jam Republic members in shock

“What was that…” Y/n watched with sad confused puppy eyes and her jaw slightly dropped as the two leaders walked away to go film. The other members stood behind her, tense as they tried to read the young girl’s emotions. Y/n felt her heart rate pick up and her breath quickens, feeling the pressure that usually paired with tears start to build up. She swallowed thickly and pushed down the feeling before turning around to face her members with a forced smile. They all could tell right away and just gave her looks of sympathy, causing her smile to slowly drop as she sighed.

After the leaders did their portion of the shoot, Bada and Kirsten walked back over to the pink team laughing over whatever conversation they were having. They stopped once they reached the other members, standing directly in front of Y/n. poor girl just stared up at Bada with those heartbroken puppy dog eyes, and god Bada knew it. She felt Y/n’s stare burning holes into the side of her head, using every ounce of control in her body not to glance over and clearly see her watery eyes and quivering lip. She knew that if she were to fully look at the younger girl right now, she’d be faced with not only a heartbroken puppy, but an angry pack of wolves behind her, and to be completely honest she hadn’t achieved that level of bravery yet.

Bada Lee knew what she was doing. She knew that by acting normal with Kirsten, she’d be getting Y/n’s attention. She knew it’d hurt the younger girl, but that wasn’t her intention this time. The Bebe leader wanted to slowly weave her way back into Y/n’s life, and knew the easiest place to start was by making sure she was on good terms with her team leader, that way she had a mediator (even though Lusher had been playing mediator already, Bada didn’t trust that she wasn’t also trying to get with Y/n).

Y/n doesn’t even realize the conversation has ended and she’s just sitting there pathetically watching as Bada walks away. Ling sighs and pats her head, while the others sadly watch their baby wither away again.

“You okay bunny?” Kirsten asked softly, sitting down next to her and bumping their shoulders together. Y/n just pursed her lips and sighed before closing her eyes and nodding. On the other side where team Bebe has gathered, they also had watched the entire situation, or rather how distraught the youngest Jam Republic members looked during the whole thing.

“You are just so cruel…” Lusher expressed lowly when Bada got within earshot, shaking her head in disbelief as she clenched her jaw. The leader’s eyes went wide as she scoffed

“What?? How?? I’m trying to make things better-” The sub-leader sighed deeply and closed her eyes, genuinely exhausted by her friend’s poor relationship choices

“By forcing yourself into her life and then totally ignoring?? Yeah that seems to be working really well…” she ended up responding quickly, pinching the bridge of her nose as she lost her patience

“Ya know if I couldn’t practically see the tears streaming down her face from over here, I’d say you did a pretty good job!” Tatter snarkily commented with a cocky sarcastic smirk. Bada was really starting to resent her choices in teammates right now… but she knew they were right.

They went back to shooting, finishing the individual teams and small group chat before taking a longer break for dinner. As everyone was gathering back afterward to wrap up the shoot with all the full cast shots, the main monitor lit up. The music video for “Maria” by Hwasa began playing as the song blasted over the speakers. Hwasa enters the stage and everyone begins screaming. Ling and Y/n are gripping onto each other, absolutely shell-shocked at her appearance. The song continues to play as everyone does the choreography with her, the two Jam Republic members living their best lives while their members sit with confused yet excited smiles.

The song ends and Hwasa introduces herself along with the mission. Everyone of course goes wild for the opportunity to choreograph a routine for her, and of course just to be in her presence. The song they’ll be choreographing to is played, and once again the room is filled with screams and cheers expressing how much they all love it. Everyone was already coming up with ideas, but Jam Republic practically had their entire choreo prepared in an instant, as Y/n sat taking in the beat and engraining the feeling into her body and mind

When it ends everyone starts talking about how Lia Kim and Bada were at an advantage since they do this for a living, some mentioning Redlic as well. Y/n became another hot topic and top competitor for this mission seeing as she’s done many recreational choreographies to kpop songs that have gone viral and sometimes even become more popular than the original. When the bonus is announced that they have to come up with a challenge portion to receive extra points that lowkey pisses y/n off. She wasn’t a fan of the idea, thinking it made the part seem too forced and could easily end up making the choreography look cheap or cheesy.

After the idol finishes relaying the mission, she wishes everyone good luck as they wrap up filming and head right into preparing for the challenge. Jam Republic quickly jots down some ideas and gets a feel for the moves as Y/n tests out the choreo she had in mind when she first heard the song earlier. When the crew reconvened the next day for a full practice, their first order of business was figuring out who was going to represent Hwasa.

"I would love to be the center just as much as anyone else, but I feel like whoever can pull off the idol persona best should do it…" the leader smiles and looks in y/n's direction as she pauses her explanation

"so I think we should put it up to a vote!" so all six members made their pick, which ended up being pretty useless since it resulted in a three-way tie between Kirsten, Ling, and Y/n

"I personally think Y/n would be our best bet since she has a lot of experience performing kpop stages" Ling smiled and patted her younger teammate on the knee as she expressed her desire for the youngest member to take the part

"I also would really like to see Y/n as the center… something just tells me she'd bring us good luck" Kirsten smiles motherly at the youngest who is currently hiding her face in her hands not to let anyone see the smile and blush on her face. So they all collectively agree to have y/n be the center and she's just so happy, cheesing away. She could already imagine the baby noises the editing team was putting over the clips of her trying to contain her excited reaction. After that decision was made, they immediately got to work on choreography. Things were going well enough to the point where the members felt comfortable taking a break around lunchtime. Y/n checked her phone while she drank her water, seeing a text from Harimu

1 Mil Mu: ‘Hey babes! Who’s your team’s Hwasa?’

Y/n: ‘What if I told you it was me…🫣’

1 Mil Mu: ‘I’d say thank god cuz I need someone to come buy heels with me for this😭’

Y/n: ‘Wait- are you hwasa too???’

1 Mil Mu: ‘Yes ma’am😚’

Y/n: ‘AHHHH SHUT UP- we’re gonna eat so hard, I’m so excited’

The news that she’d be going up against Harimu as Hwasa gave Y/n a bit of an adrenaline rush, knowing how perfectly the 1 Million dancer fit the role. She felt as if she’d have to work even harder now, but it made her excited instead of nervous. Y/n has actually gotten back to her normal self for the most part, genuinely excited about this challenge and seeing how everyone else would portray Hwasa’s image.

The next day before practice Y/n and Harimu have a little girls’ morning, going out for breakfast and then doing some shopping. They made sure to try on plenty of options for heels, not too worried about the look of them right now, but rather just needed something to practice in. The two ended up getting two pairs each, a simple yet secure heel that stopped right about the ankle, and then another pair of thigh-high heeled boots to really give the Hwasa feel.

The next day was when everyone would be showcasing what they had so far for choreography, y/n wanted to look as clean and presentable as possible, choosing to wear her thigh-high boots with some booty shorts and an oversized jersey. She hadn’t worn the shoes to the practice, carrying them in her back while she opted for some plain sneakers in the meantime. All teams walk in and Y/n is hyped to the max- until she realizes that Jam Republic is seated right next to Bebe…

Luckily for everyone involved, the youngest Jam Republic member is too excited about the challenge to worry about Bada right now. She was totally focused on showing her best performance and enjoying everyone else’s. She started off excitedly watching Mannequeen then becoming easily disappointed by how sloppy it got. She was very curious to see what wolf’Lo would come up with though, seeing as their style is classic hip hop- a style y/n hadn’t particularly been a fan of. Yet, watching Mini got her hype. She couldn’t contain her impressed reaction at the pink-haired girl’s vibe, loving the slight change wolf’lo had made in their typical genre of dance.

Bebe was the fourth group to go and Y/n was conflicted, to say the least. To be completely honest- that’s how most of Jam Republic felt, seeing as they were excited to see what the team produced, but they were nervous for their poor youngest member’s heart.

Bada begins a short speech, explaining the concept they were going for as the other members practiced behind her. Lusher and Tatter turned around behind Bada and looked to Y/n giving her a cheesy smile and thumbs up, before immediately going back to practicing. Y/n couldn’t help but smile and giggle at how dedicated her friends were, but she also couldn’t help as the smile stayed when her attention shifted back to the leader nervously smiling and fidgeting with the microphone in her hands as she wrapped up her speech.

The music starts and Y/n’s small smile immediately shifts into an impressed expression at one of the first moves. Bada gives a cool look as she holds up a hand sign signaling the title of street woman fighter, causing everyone to cheer lightly at the reference

“That was cool…” Y/n mumbled, playfully pouting and scrunching her nose as she tried to hide her impressed smile, causing her members to look at her with wide eyes at first before giggling and ruffling her hair. The chorus arrives and Y/n’s jaw just drops- the girl is so beyond impressed. She’s trying to process whether it’s actually good or if it’s just Bada, but then she watches everyone else and realizes it’s really just that good.

Then Bada struts off to the side for her own little part, doing a hip roll as she covers her eyes, sending the audience into a frenzy- especially Y/n who lets out a small scream and suddenly doesn’t know where to look or what to do with her hands. Ultimately she realized what that reaction must have looked like and just hung her head in her hands as Audrey patted her on the back and tried her hardest not to burst out laughing.

Y/n sat there astonished, watching through her fingers as she continued to hide behind her hands. Bebe finishes their choreography and y/n is trying so hard to contain her excitement, she just hides her face in her hands again and screams out loud. This is gonna be such a rough mission for her…

Lady Bounce went after Bebe and while they looked like they were having a lot of fun, there wasn’t anything super impressive about their routine. Next up was 1 Million and Y/n stood up screaming as loud as she could, so beyond hyped to see her besties perform. Harimu eats up her Hwasa role, as expected and everyone loves the routine, including Hwasa. Finally, after everyone else had gone, it was Jam Republic’s turn.

“Our youngest treasure, miss y/n will be playing Hwasa” Kirsten smiled as she announced their group’s center, causing everyone to absolutely lose their shit. Many dancers had already suspected it once they saw her walk out with the thigh-high boots and everyone else in regular sneakers, but it was still exciting to have the confirmation.

Everyone’s excitement rose as the music began, loving how Y/n completely transformed into a different person whenever she was performing. It started off smooth, but as Kirsten threw her head back for a specific move, her hat fell off. Luckily since Jam Republic is such a well-prepared group, Y/n caught it with ease and tossed it off to the side like it was all part of the routine, causing everyone to react in shock at her quick reflexes.

The crew continued dancing as if it were nothing, having a blast and feeding off of the other teams’ reactions. Bebe especially was hyping Y/n up, even Bada couldn’t contain her excitement. Yet, the leader did keep looking back and forth between 1 Million’s youngest two dancers as well as her own sub-leader, trying to gauge their reaction to Y/n as well.

After a brief moment of observing the others’ reactions, Bada once again became entranced by Jam Republic’s center. Her expressions and movement quality truly made for a captivating performance, even though it was just an interim check. The crew finished their routine and Lusher stood up immediately clapping and screaming as loud as she could, cheering for the team as a whole but also making specific calls out to Y/n

“Y/N YOU’RE SO SEXY” she cupped her hands over her mouth as she screamed out to her friend, causing the leader to slow her claps and glare at her. Bada was really starting to question Lusher’s intentions- even though the girl hadn’t been acting any different than usual. It was all simply Bada’s insecurities.

_________

The next few days passed in a flash as the crews continued to improve their routines and develop their concepts. When it came time to watch each performance everyone gathered in their respective monitoring rooms. Mannequeen was the first to go, and as the screen lit up with their performance all the dancers got excited that the mission was officially starting.

“Okay… she’s kinda eating right now” y/n playfully pouted as Redlic devoured the routine. Jam Republic fangirled over them and how sick their outfits were, but by the end they weren’t entirely sold on the routine as a whole.

“It was really good, but I wish they had a bit more energy- or at least were more consistent with it” Latrice commented and the rest of them agreed. Wolf’Lo’s performance was next and once again, the pink team anticipated the final product. Jam Republic was impressed with how they were able to keep their classic hip-hop style while incorporating elements of K-pop

“Everyone is so good I’m gonna scream” was the first thing y/n said after the performance. Yet after recognizing Wolf’Lo’s efforts, they discussed how there was a lack of harmony between the “artist” and the dancers

After Wolf’Lo it was Bebe’s turn to present their routine, and Y/n was losing her mind. This girl was freaking out- hyperventilating and pacing, but out of excitement and anticipation. Audrey, Ling laughed at her, the elder even bringing out her phone to record the girl hopping around like an excited cat, while Emma smirked teasingly and side-eyed her.

“I’m so nervous-”

“Love, this isn’t even our routine…” Kirsten laughed softly at her dramatic youngest member, glad that she was able to enjoy the blue team’s performances again without crying. The second the music started, Y/n was seated, her eyes trained on the monitor before them. She screamed and cheered throughout the routine, and as the song began to approach the slower part she got more excited

“oh I’m so excited to see what they did for this part-” and the second Bada was down on the floor, Y/n honestly thought she was having a heart attack. It only got worse for her as the music picked back up and the Bebe leader looked over her shoulder, grinning charismatically at the camera while she grabbed her ass and shrugged like it was nothing.

Y/n’s jaw stayed dropped after she let out a surprised screech. Ling and Audrey also let out similar noises, while the latter reached over at the same time as Emma to cover Y/n’s eyes, knowing how she’d be having a mental breakdown if she kept watching. The performance ended and Y/n sat there in silence with her jaw still dropped to the floor

“I think I’m having a crisis…”

The next team to perform after Bebe was Lady Bounce, which was good but not too memorable. 1 Million followed with an insane performance. The second Harimu’s silhouette was shown, Y/n gasps. The routine starts and she’s clapping and cheering, as well as the rest of her team, all of them excited for what was about to happen. Throughout the entire performance, she’s squealing and screaming because her bestie is eating everyone up (side note: Y/n has so many besties, and the audience loves that for her). The routine ends and every single team is blown away. Jam Republic unanimously agrees that 1 Million has shown the best performance so far, with Y/n enthusiastically agreeing

“Not bebe?” Emma teases and to be completely honest, Y/n didn’t think it was funny

“No. 1 million was by far the best I’ve seen so far- it was flawless” And the members felt kinda bad for teasing her because they could see her become a bit more reserved and serious after that, sinking into her seat on the couch with her arms crossed over her chest.

After that, it’s finally Jam Republic’s turn, as the final team to present their piece. The music begins and Y/n struts out from behind her members with the cuntiest game face out of all the contestants so far, and everyone goes feral. Her hair, her expression, her confidence, and especially her outfit had them all in shambles. All of 1 Million, but specifically Redy and Harimu were gassing her up before she even started dancing, the crew thinking of ways to convince her to join them after the show.

“Can we just combine teams already?” “Or at least take Y/n onto our team??” Mannequeen was asking each other questions like this, also plotting how they could continue working with Jam Republic

“That’s my girlfriend!” Lusher cheers and Bada just about breaks her neck- she looks like she’s going to cry at first until she realizes the younger dancer was just joking. She really almost just gave the leader a heart attack, and now Bada felt her face heat up at how embarrassing that reaction was…

They reach the part of the choreography where the other members bend over, and Y/n squats down in between them as she opens and closes her legs, and once again no one is safe. Not a single monitoring room was quiet as the youngest Jam Republic dancer dropped low into the position and flawlessly executed the choreography along with the presentation of facial expressions.

Team Bebe was not discreet at all as they all freaked out and simultaneously turned to face their leader, who was already hiding her dropped jaw behind her hands. Bada bit her fist as Y/n got down on the floor with the rest of the Jam Republic members and began to arch her back up and down in a sort of crawling motion. The move was so simple, but effective as it showcased the sexy vibe of the song.

Jam Republic finishes off strong with the final chorus into the ending pose, and it was safe to say they left everyone astonished. The camera captured the final group pose before zooming in on each member of the crew, leaving Y/n for last. When she appeared on the monitor everyone lost it at how her siren eyes and seductive expression turned into a somewhat playful puppy-like reaction as her eyes widened and she stuck her tongue out, continuing to fan herself but in a cuter manner than before.

“OHHHH ENDING FAIRY LET’S GOOOOO” Harimu cheers with her full chest as her friend appears on the screen

“HOW IS Y/N THE YOUNGEST????” Buckey commented out of absolute shock and astonishment after seeing the girl’s performance

“SHE’S BARELY AN ADULT HOW DOES SHE KNOWN HOW TO DO THAT” Mini screamed, throwing her hands up in the air

“I’ve been an adult for a while and i still don’t know how to do that…” Halo mumbled after her teammate’s inquiry, causing the rest of the crew to laugh and agree

“Ya- they need to put the baby to bed. Don’t let her do that!” Biggy teased, pouting and whining playfully as her members agreed with faux pouts

“She really wanted people to stop babying her I guess…” Tatter calmly stated as she leaned back into the couch with her arms crossed, smirking as she kept her eyes trained on the monitor. The team snickered as Bada slowly turned her head toward the blonde with a deadpan expression, unimpressed with her jab.

Once every team had gone and finished presenting their routines, it was time to get changed and wrap up for the day. Each crew left their monitoring room to head back to their designated hideout spaces and decompress after the events of the day, and await the results of the winning team. Jam Republic was full of giggles and confidence after their successful performance as they bounced down the hallway.

"ya, y/n…" the small girl whipped around with wide, somewhat fearful eyes and it lowkey made Bada's heart hurt to see her react that way

"yes?" she tried to speak steadily and confidently, but bit her lip and shrunk into herself a little, trying not to outwardly cringe, when she realized how meek and anxious she sounded. The tall girl across from her sighed and softened her gaze, seeing how unnerved y/n was.

"you did a good job." Bada confidently said as her team was about to walk past Jam Republic, shocking everyone on both teams (including herself). Y/n's lips parted and everyone watched as it quivered slightly and her eyes began to get red.

"ah no, no don't start crying…" the older leader tried to remain serious and civil, keeping the distance between them. The younger dancer bit her lip again and took shaky breaths as she frantically nodded her head while wiping away tears. Bada sighed again before taking a few quick strides over to her, not caring about the audience of both their teams. She placed a gentle hand on top of the shorter girl's head, gently ruffling her hair.

"ayyye don't cry" This time Bada tried to be more gentle and took the approach of some friendly teasing in hopes of at least getting a smile out of her, but it only made things worse as y/n looked up at her with a huge frown and teary eyes. She really was trying her hardest to stop crying, but nothing was working. Poor Y/n was just so happy to have Bada back at this moment. The look just about finished off what was left of Bada's heart. Any part of her that hadn't been touched by guilt yet was now overthrown by it. She felt her own eyes begin to sting a little as the pressure built up but didn't allow for any tears to form.

"Y/n-ah don't cryyyyy" Bada whispered softly as she gently reached to hold her face in both hands, wiping away the endless tears. This caused the younger girl to fully burst into tears and attempt to hang her head as much as she could in Bada's hold, but as soon as the tears increased the older girl was pulling y/n into her chest, hugging her as if she had no plans on ever letting go. Bada closed her eyes trying to keep her own tears at bay.

The other members of both teams just stood clumped together off to the side, absolutely baffled by what was happening. A majority, if not all of them had dropped jaws or dumbfounded expressions. Lusher had to cover her mouth after letting out a squeak of excitement when Bada put her hand on Y/n’s head. It was a small moment, but a huge step for both girls.

“You did amazing, so don’t cry anymore, okay?” Bada whispered after pulling back from the hug, leaning down slightly so their faces were the same level. Y/n nodded and sniffled, wiping away her tears and finally pulling herself together.

“Thank you- you too…” she gave a watery smile as she hiccuped and the two giggled slightly over the situation. The older dancer smiled sadly and nodded before heading back over to her team. As they began to walk off Tatter turned around

“Congratulations Jam Republic- you all were fantastic- WE LOVE YOU!!!” the blonde screamed enthusiastically making a giant heart over her head with her arms, causing the rest of her team to follow and also share their love and praise for the team. The pink crew just smiled brightly and laughed, before shyly mirroring their reaction. After both crews went their separate ways and made it back to their hideouts, Y/n stood in the middle of the room as her teammates settled in.

“What’s up, Bunny?” Audrey asked, with a worried expression as she saw Y/n’s confused but teary eyes. The girl looked up and burst into tears again on the spot. All the members were shocked at the sudden outburst and ran to comfort her.

“She said I did good…” the girl bawled as her members hugged her. They all tensed for a short moment before bursting into a fit of giggles at how cute and sentimental their baby was. She eventually calms down, reducing her sobs to sniffles and soft hiccups. About 45 minutes to an hour passes before the staff is letting everyone know that a winner has been decided. 1 Million receive the 100 points benefit that came with being the group chosen by Hwasa, meaning their choreography will be performed and used for the music video.

The following day, everyone begins preparing for the music video. All the other crews learn 1 Million’s choreography and practice it in preparation for the shoot which would be happening the day after. When everyone gathered to get into hair and makeup for the video it felt fun. Not stressful, or competitive, just fun- and all the dancers were truly grateful for that.

Each crew had been given a portion of the song where they were able to perform a bit of their own choreography, highlighting their efforts as a whole production. They were able to tie up the shoot within just one day of filming, giving all the crews an extra day of rest before having to officially start working on their final mission before the finale.

y/n had been walking toward the set’s dancer lounge to grab a few snacks when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. The girl quickly turned around and became face to face, or rather face to chest, with the dancer she still wasn’t on the best terms with.

“Hey…” Bada whispered once she made eye contact with the smaller girl, removing her hand quickly as she realized it was still resting on her shoulder. Y/n stood speechless, trying to force herself to at least utter a ‘hey’ back, but she couldn’t find the strength.

“Can we talk?” the leader continued softly, voice wavering ever-so-slightly, but not enough for anyone to notice. To Y/n, Bada seemed confident and relaxed as her soft eyes peered down at her. It should’ve been comforting not seeing any signs of her being tense or upset, but the question alone made the younger dancer tear up, already feeling heavily emotional.

“Uh… yeah… yeah, of course” Y/n spoke meekly, not being able to hold eye contact for more than a couple of seconds at a time as she stood in front of the other girl. Bada glanced over at Kirsten and nodded, giving her a nervous tight-lipped smile as the younger leader gave her a gentle look of encouragement paired with two thumbs up.

The two walked in silence for a bit as they separated themselves from the majority of people, finding a less occupied area to chat. Once they arrived at a moderately secluded area and Bada stopped walking she turned to the younger dancer who stood stiffly with her arms crossed and shoulders tensed.

“So… how have you been?” Y/n starts shyly, trying not to seem too uncomfortable but internally cringing once she realizes how formal she sounds. Bada tried to suppress her frown, hating how awkward things had become, but then again, it all made sense.

“Well… uhm… I’m not doing terrible haha…” she tried to joke around while still being honest, but quickly realized none of her small-talk humor was going to get a laugh out of the other girl

“I actually haven’t been doing great since we last… talked…” she continued, becoming a bit more serious with her tone

“I’ve been thinking a lot- actually all I’ve done is think… about the things I said, about why I acted the way I did, about how to approach you, about how I should’ve done this sooner, and especially about you…” Bada rambled off all of what’s been occupying her brain recently

“All I do is think about you…” she breathed out, causing the other girl’s own breath to catch in her throat as her eyes widened slightly. Y/n bit her lip looking at the floor and blinked rapidly trying to avoid the stinging feeling in her eyes that was already beginning.

“I’m so sorry Y/n.” Bada whispered, starting to feel her throat tighten. The younger clenched her teeth and closed her eyes tightly as a singular tear slid down her cheek, before sniffling and looking back up to meet the tall girl’s gaze.

“That’s all I needed to hear…” she whispered with a sad smile, causing Bada to smile softly for a moment before furrowing her brows slightly

“But you deserve so much more than a simple apology-” the leader spoke seriously, still being conscience of her tone so as to not get too worked up

“It’s okay- I really don’t think I do… I said some terrible things too-” the younger sighed as she spoke

“Well of course, but that doesn’t mean what I said was okay… that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be trying my hardest to make up for the thing I said and how poorly I treated you…”

“We’re both equally at fault here-” Y/n was nearly cut off by the persistent dancer

“Well, I wouldn’t say equally… I definitely don’t think you were as cruel as I was… not like it’s a contest or anything but I think the impact this argument had on both of us was mostly my fault… especially since the things I said were aimed to hurt you…” Bada tried not to seem pushy, not wanting to cause another argument, but she was set on getting her point across

“I mean… I kinda deserved it-” Y/n chuckled humorlessly as she looked at her shoes, kicking the ground. Bada’s jaw dropped in absolute shock at how the girl honestly thought she was meant to hear such awful things directed toward her

“No, you didn’t, stop saying that! No one deserves to be talked to like that and I feel absolutely disgusted with myself for saying the things I said… I am SO so sorry y/n” The leader spoke up, voice raising slightly with urgency, desperate to get her sincerity across. The younger dancer struggled to find words momentarily, wanting to say ‘it’s okay’, but realizing that it in fact wasn’t okay at all

“...I accept your apology, Bada, I promise…” Y/n clearly stated after a few moments of thought

“Thank you…” Bada sighed, shoulders relaxing slightly

“I’m sorry too… I was acting immature and childish, and it was really all just because I was hurt by your decision- a decision that I understood had to be made…” and it was true- the girl really did understand why her team was chosen, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less

“Y/n’s you don’t need to apologize-” At Bada’s words it was now Y/n’s turn to be shocked. Even if the girl wasn’t as harsh, she surely was responsible for her own thoughts and actions.

“Of course I do… I need to apologize just as much as you do- for christ’s sake I was the one who caused the whole argument…” She started seriously with furrowed brows, but then her face softened as she continued

“I’m sorry for not trusting you… and for acting like a child-”

“You weren’t acting like a child, you were acting like someone who was under a lot of stress and that’s completely understandable-” Bada cut her off, already feeling the guilt arise again at the memory of how she’d called the younger girl childish and immature

“But I could have handled it so much better-”

“As could I, but we both saw how that actually turned out…” Bada finished with a light teasing smirk, causing Y/n to crack a bit of a smile herself before sighing again and biting her lip as tears filled her eyes

“I also shouldn’t have pushed you to talk about something you weren’t ready to talk about… so for that, I’m also sorry” the Bebe Leader added to her apology, gazing at Y/n with a soft heartfelt look. The younger was staring at the floor again as she sniffled before speaking

“I’m so sorry Bada-” Y/n whimpered as another onslaught of tears began falling. The older girl gently pulled her into a hug, wrapping her arms around the shorter girl’s shoulders and leaning her chin on top of Y/n’s head.

“Shhh… We’ve both apologized and talked it out- let’s grow from it and move past it now, okay?” the tall girl whispered against the younger’s head, running her hand over the other’s hair, smoothing it down softly

“We should probably work on not talking over each other too…” Y/n mumbled against her chest, feeling the light rumble of laughter as Bada chuckled. Noether had realized the leader had started crying as well until she sniffled and reached up to wipe away her tears without even realizing it.

“There are a lot of things we can work on together- good and bad…” Bada leaned back slightly to look down at the girl, who lifted her head to meet the taller girl’s gaze.

“Yeah… together…” Y/n whispered breathlessly with a relieved smile. The tall dancer couldn’t stop the grin from spreading on her face as she was finally able to stare into Y/n’s sparkling eyes again.

taglist (closed): @tinybada @angel-hyuckie @violetinferno @jesuschrist2006 @1luvkarina @uwulyn @justandloyal2961 @deadgirlwalking3 @squidvoldyvoid @vivzyo @ouhaika @jksjx @ocyeanicc @marianamartinsthings @jxrdxnh @luvjanexx @lorenztired @khjssss @heavenlycloud @loisje123 @starchasermyloves @zhivaxo @grinnwolph @notyourd0lly @stinkbvgs @nermandiiiii-blog @arujee @idontknownemore @thatgayinsomniac @fruitr0llup @cgriffin9797-blog @woooooya @kaaylvst @ssc7514 @astoreea @linda-botello @kpopgirl-97 @erikook @misszoldyc @sammisregrets @jysai @moonsvrse @froufrousnowman @amararosesblog @tikitsune @aestrelle19 @laaaasanielzz @randomhoex @tswisal1 @unpretty-reader @charlesswife @stella222

#moth to a flame #street woman fighter 2 #bada lee #bada lee x reader #street woman fighter x reader #bada x reader #swf2 x reader #swf2

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ineffable-suffering · 11 months

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INEFFABLE META MASTERPOST

Because I'm slowly losing count and need to organize. So, here's all my self-written metas or ones that I reblogged with my own added theories and commentary! In rainbow colours, naturally.

1 – Aziraphale, I love you. But you lied. And here's why. My most lengthy and proudest meta about the Final Fifteen and why I think Aziraphale lied on purpose. (Also: The absolute darling @esthermitchell-author bravely fought their way through it and wrote up some more interesting points and different takes on what I came up with. If you want to go down a S2 rabbit hole with us, go read it here.)

2 – Why Aziraphale is an unreliable narrator (links below) A three-part meta in which I try to analyse and explain that all of the minisodes in Season 2 are not objective narrations but actually Aziraphale's memories.

Part 1: The Story of Job

Part 2: The Story of wee Morag

Part 3: The Story of the Magic Show in 1941

3 – The Jane Austen Ball and why it was never about Nina and Maggie A meta in which I go into unnecessarily great detail about how the Whickber Street Meeting Cotillion Ball was meant to be Aziraphale's confession to Crowley.

4 – Crowley & Aziraphale were never free (reblog) A reblog of @baggvinshield's post in which I explain why miscommunication is the single biggest ineffable enemy in Season 2.

5 – In Defense of Aziraphale (double reblog) A double try at explaining why I think Aziraphale's POV in the Final Fifteen is just as horrible as Crowley's and why I don't think him "choosing" to go back to Heaven was the only point of his character journey.

6 – The Art of Miscommunication: Ineffable Edition A meta in which i once again explain why miscommunication is the single biggest ineffable enemy in Season 2.

7– Season 2 Bookshop Shot Meta A meta where I briefly loose my mind because of a single bookshop frame in Season 2.

8 – What if it wasn't Aziraphale and Crowley who performed the 25 Lazarii miracle? A mini-meta in which I propose the theory that Jimbriel helped with the miracle to hide himself away from Heaven & Hell.

9 – Things in Good Omens Season 2 I still find weird (reblog) A reblog of @ok-sims and many other great OPs' thoughts on the weird loose strings in Season 2 and what unanswered questions I still have myself.

10 – The Deleted Bookshop Scene (reblog) A reblog of @skirtdyke's video and @i-only-ever-asked-questions' smart thoughts on it, with my own overly-excited 'what that could have meant for the "It's too late" line'-theroy.

11 – The Bentley Handle Easter Egg A meta I can proudly say has been liked by none other than Mr. Neil Gaiman himself about Crowley's Bentley handle that might have existed before the Bentley ever did.

12 – The F*cking Eccles Cakes A meta where I briefly loose my mind because of a pastry. (Addendum: People said very smart things in the comments of the post!)

14 – Re: "You go too fast for me, Crowley" A meta in which I make myself sad by connecting that infamous line to Aziraphale assuming Crowley wanted the Holy Water as a suicide pill.

13 – Trauma-Dumping on your plants: The Anthony J. Crowley Chronicles A meta on why Crowley treats his plants the way that he does.

14 – Demonic Mental Health Awareness Post In which I talk about why I want to get Crowley a therapy voucher.

15 – The Curious Incident of The Flaming Sword in Good Omens A meta on why the Flaming Sword has no deeper meaning. Or does it? (Updated: here's a reblog from @queerfables who did a wonderfully exellent job at calmly explaining all the swordy questions I was yelling about! Consider this meta solved.)

16 – Ceci n'est pas une plume A meta in which I'm a bit of a nerd for language and also explain why learning French and magic the human way says so much about Aziraphale as a character.

17 – The meaning of "I forgive you" A meta in which I explain what both "I forgive you"s mean and why Aziraphale will always fight for what is right until he wins. Also, the lovely @sharksbeerr translated it to Chinese on Weibo!

18 – Memory, or the lack thereof, in Season 2 A little reblog on how memory is a big and unresolved, leaky-bucket theme in Season 2.

19 – „It‘s always too late.“ (ft. Crowley‘s watch)

A short meta about that lines from Season 2 that won‘t leave my brain (and also Crowley‘s mysterious watch).

Addendum:

The one non-spoiler-y ask I could come up with about S2 that was actually answered by Neil, yay!

Also, this wholesome little post I added to that Mr. Gaiman also reblogged. :‘)

*** This is a work in progress and will get updated every time I post a new meta! ***

#good omens #good omens season 2 #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #gos2 #go2 #good omens 2 #good omens meta #good omens s2 #my own meta #good omens season 1 #meta masterpost #ineffable-suffering

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htchnr · 11 months

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★ gentle hands ❥ A. HOTCHNER.

➻❥ masterlist. ➻❥ patreon.

CW ➥ reader has issues with eating ⋆ very brief mention of an alcohol problem ⋆ mention of binge eating or not eating ⋆ sweet and sappy comfort fic ⋆ if i missed anything, lmk!

WC ➥ 1,3k. SONG ➥ chocolate mint , duster.

SUMMARY ➥ you've always had issues with food, you either eat too much, or not enough, or not at all. you've always struggled with it yourself, but now that you live together with Aaron it's a little difficult to avoid or hide. so when you tell him about your struggles, he comforts you. as requested by an anon, but i lost the ask 😭

AUTHORS NOTE ➥ i'm getting a little bit better! still feel like i've got the flu, but i've atleast been able to concentrate on writing a request! 😁 i'm gonna try my best to finish up the remaining Kinktober posts, those will at the very least be all done before the end of November!

you rolled on your back, eyes glued to the ceiling as you tightened your jaw. the clock had briefly flashed 3:28AM when you moved. your hands clenching and unclenching at your sides.

the urge to eat something was so overbearingly painful. you weren't necessarily hungry, you just need something to eat. you've tried explaining it to therapists before, but it never came out the way it needed to. you've briefly talked about it with Morgan once, though ended up not continuing the conversation after you got a call about a case and left.

and you didn't want to bring it up with Aaron; he already worried about the smallest things, the tiny bad habits you had. Aaron was one of the best people you've met, but you felt like you only burdened him with your flaws. though if Aaron ever heard you say that, he'd crush you in a hug and force you to apologise. to yourself, for ever daring to think that you were a burden to him.

your fists clenched one more time before you sat up, rubbing your hands across your face in frustration. some nights food was comforting, other nights; like this night, it was a nuisance and it frustrated you so much, your self image took the bullet for it.

you carefully moved the blankets off of you, letting your feet quietly hit the cold wood floor of your bedroom. you glanced behind you at the figure in your bed; Aaron laid peacefully, the deep creases in his face looking more relaxed as he slept.

you brushed a hand through your hair as you quietly left the bedroom and walked towards the kitchen. you yawned as you pulled open the main cupboard where you kept most packaged foods like crackers, cookies, cereal etc. one hand holding the door, the other on the bare skin of your waist, you hadn't bothered putting anything else on beside the bralette and the pair of pyjama shorts you had worn to bed.

you hesitated, i should shut the door and just go back to bed, you thought to yourself. but your body moved on it's own accord, grabbing a box of cereal and two granola bars. your hold tightened around the bars, plastic crinkling in your grip before you set the items on the counter. you pulled open the fridge to grab the milk, and pulled out a rather large clean bowl from the dishwasher. you made a mental reminder to empty that out after you were done eating.

you poured the cereal into the bowl, hoping the sound didn't trigger Aaron and then twisted open the cap of the milk before pouring it in, the quiet 'crackle' of the cereal filling your ears.

you cracked open the dishwasher once more, grabbing a spoon and shoving it in the bowl, stirring and coating all the cereal in the milk. you took a bite, your tense form almost instantly relaxing a smidge as you chewed on the cereal. see? eating was a good idea. you stood facing the counter while you ate, stuck in your own headspace.

so much so that you hadn't noticed that Aaron had left the bedroom. you rather quickly finished the bowl of cereal, putting it down on the counter beside the sink. as you grabbed for one of the granola bars, a pair of warm, gentle hands slid around your waist and their fingers splayed across your stomach, followed by a pair of lips pressed against your bare shoulder.

"what are you doing up honey?" he asked quietly. he noticed the atmosphere the second he entered the kitchen. your hand tensed around the granola bar, before shoving it against the counter and letting it go. your frame was still tense, even against Aaron's warm body. you don't need the granola bar, you eat enough as it is.

you shook your head a second after Aaron's question. "it's nothing, i was just-" you paused. don't tell him, you'll just give him more to deal with. one side spoke. while the other side encouraged you to open up to him about this. "what's wrong? i can hear those brilliant gears turning. talk to me dear." he spoke endearingly, a slight tease to his tone, that left as soon as it came. you turned in Aaron's arms, your lower back now against the counter, the granola bars behind you as you faced Aaron's bare chest.

"it's nothing Aar, go back to bed.." you insisted, still not meeting his eyes.

Aaron's hold tightened a little on the swell of your hips before lifting one hand to tilt your chin up to face him. "i know when something's wrong, please just talk to me about it." he spoke in a tone a little higher than a whisper. he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss against your forehead.

"it's just that," you paused. are you doing this right now? "i," you suck in a breath. you couldn't seem to find the words now.

Aaron stroked your cheek. "hey, take your time." you encouraged you gently, a reassuring smile on his lips.

you nodded, looking down at your hands. do it, come on. "i have a problem with eating." there, it wasn't that hard, was it? Aaron nodded lightly, prompting you to continue. "i, i either eat too much or nothing at all." Aaron's hand returned to your waist, his thumbs rubbing reassuring circles into the soft flesh.

this wasn't as hard as you made it out to be. "some nights i feel like the urge to eat is so strong, that it eats away at me until i eat. though i'm not always even hungry, i just, have to eat. that doesn't make sense does it?" you chuckle sadly, leaning forward to rest your forehead against his warm chest, your arms still hanging at your sides. "and some days, i just avoid food all together. it's like the feeling of eating makes me feel so sick? not necessarily physically sick, but mentally." you continue, a slight crack in your voice.

Aaron's heart breaks at your confession. he knew something was going on, but not that it ran this deep. "and some days, i just drink all day. being drunk blocks out all the issues with eating. either i eat a normal amount, or i don't really eat at all, but it takes the bad feelings about each away." you mumble. this is embarrassing. Aaron lowers one of his hands down to one of yours, intertwining his fingers gently with yours. your thumb fiddled around with his thick fingers.

"i'm sorry i'm laying this all on you i know-"

"hey, don't." he speaks, his voice still gentle and quiet, but more assertive. you look up at him. "don't be sorry about something you can't control. as for not talking to me about it, i'm not mad at you, i just wished you'd come to me with these things more often. i know you're struggling, but i have no way of helping you, or even just being there if i don't know what's going on in that gorgeous mind of yours."

tears well up in your eyes. Aaron's thumb coming up just before a tear rolls down, gentle wiping it away. "come to me when you feel like this okay? come to me when you're having one of those days where eating pains you, or when you crave to eat the whole day. i'm here for you okay honey? i'm here for you, no matter what." he's here to help you, so let him.

you nod, licking a tear off your lips. he wraps an arm fully around your soft bare waist, the other one wrapping around your shoulder as he pulls you against him. your arms wrapping around his waist as you hold him tight. "thank you." your voice is muffled by his skin, but Aaron hears it. "i love you." you hold him tighter, pressing your face against his warm chest, the feeling of being held by him calming down any negative thoughts or feelings.

"i love you too." he whispers back, placing a firm kiss on the top of your head.

he pulls away, his thumb wiping away some tears. "do you want to eat something before we head back to bed?" he asks you, he had already spotted the granola bars behind you. you think for a second before nodding.

Aaron nods along, reaching for one of the bars behind you. he opens it, leaning away from you for just a second as he throws away the wrapper and hands you the bar. his hand wraps around yours as you take the bar from him, his thumb rubbing brief but gently against the back of your hand.

you eat the bar slowly, having Aaron stand in front of you calms the intensity of the craving. and when you're finished with the bar Aaron smiles. he leans down and captures your lips in a soft kiss. you wrap your arms around his neck as you lean into it. Aaron leans down, his warm gentle hand sliding down your waist and hips until they reach the back of your thighs, pulling you up and into his arms. you wrap your thighs around his bare waist and lean your head on his shoulder as he carries you back to the bedroom.

tonight might've been conquered, but there's still many more nights and days to go. though, now they don't seem as dark and daunting..

#⋆୨🩷©2023 htchnr #⋆୨⭐️aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotch hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner oneshot #aaron hotchner comfort #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner angst

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thepersonperson · 4 months

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Thoughts on the tragedy of Gojo Satoru and narrative cruelty towards him as of JJK 261.

Some notes before we start.

1) This originally was going to be an analysis about how Gojo is Megumi's dad. Then JJK 261 came out and shattered my heart into millions of pieces.

2) This analysis will briefly deal with suicide.

3) The light novels are canon and provide critical insight to characters and their motivations. I would go as far to say they're the equivalent of Bleach's CFYOW for JJK. I will be citing the official translation from my own copies. There is a fan translation (Book 1 & Book 2), but the syntax is a bit clunky to read. Either version is fine, I just highly encourage reading them.

4) I will be mainly using the TCB scans for the manga because of their accessibility.

5) Read the light novels.

(Click pictures for captions/citations.)

Preface

Umineko no Naku Koro ni (When the Seagulls Cry) is a visual novel about a person who is fundamentally misunderstood by those around them. They desperately want to be loved without being perceived, believing themself to be unworthy due to trauma and immutable characteristics given to them at birth. Instead of telling anyone these feelings directly, they play games akin to torture. They torment the ones they love over and over in hopes they'll see through their actions and understand them.

"Without love it cannot be seen."

If you've ever heard of Umineko, you've probably seen this quote. It's the lens in which you are supposed to view the contents of the novel in order to understand the heart behind the actions.

Keep this all in mind as I attempt to answer the following question:

What's wrong with Gojo Satoru?

Short Answer: Being the Strongest. He never got over the trauma inflicted by Toji that was worsened by Geto. And because he's the Strongest, he never sought help for these problems. I’m not going to explain why this is the case here—we’re just accepting this as canon for this analysis. How this trauma manifests and affects his interpersonal relationships is the focus here.

Regardless of trauma, Gojo Satoru is a fascinating character in that he is simultaneously a egotistical arrogant dickhead and a deeply caring individual. He's not one or the other, he is both at the same time at all times. Allow me to explain how he pulls this off.

2 Birds 1 Stone

Gojo Satoru is a 2 birds and 1 stone kind of guy. What I mean by this is that Gojo will do 1 thing and have 2 reasons behind it. The reasons often seem contradictory which leads fans and characters to have a polarized view of Gojo based on how they feel about him. If you hate Gojo, you will only see the bad/selfish reason. If you adore Gojo uncritically, you will only see the good/selfless reason.

This is why without love, it (Gojo's heart) cannot be seen.

I will now provide examples of this 2 birds 1 stone action.

Ijichi Kiyotaka

Ijichi and Gojo’s relationship is the best to start with because it teaches you how to read Gojo’s words vs his actions/results. We all know Gojo is very blunt in an rude way. This is at its extreme when he’s with Ijichi as seen in the following panels.

Gojo straight up tells Ijichi he’s useless as a sorcerer in a way that makes him cry. It’s definitely bullying, but it’s not to torment Ijichi even though it seems that way. Ijichi comes to understand Gojo was just trying to make sure he wouldn’t die. This particular scene took place right after Haibara died, Nanami quit, and Geto defected. The harshness is how Gojo is choosing to say “Hey I care about your life, but don’t get too close to me, I can’t handle that.”

Gojo was even kind enough to offer a productive alternative that let him participate in Jujutsu society without risking his life—driving a car and putting up veils.

Still, Gojo’s bullying of him is a lot. It makes Ijichi doubt that Gojo even likes him. Gojo has to spell it out that he trusts Ijichi the most. Ijichi being weak means he cannot betray Gojo like Geto did, therefore Gojo can fully trust him. Still, Gojo is aware his weakness is other people, so as The Strongest, he can’t let him in all the way. This leads to him showing affection/care in the most insane ways possible. (It’s not really a surprise people don’t understand him when he uses this plausible deniability model.)

ENTER: JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 3 Asakusabashi Elegy

As stated in CFYOW, Gojo is aware of Ijichi’s stress and went out of his way to help him deal with it.

Not only does he recognize the stress and notice he hasn't taken time off for it, but he also pinpoints the reason so well that it moves Ijichi to tears. (Summary of Pages 75-77: He feels guilty for failing Yuji twice. Gojo assures him it’s not his fault and flicks him on the forehead.)

But! Gojo can’t be too affectionate. The very next day he piles a good deal of work on Ijichi’s desk he is aware will be stressing him the fudge out. (See Pages 78-79 for full context.)

It should go without saying that treating Ijichi like this is not ok. My point here is to demonstrate that despite being a massive asshole, Gojo does care.

So what did we learn here?

1) Gojo is aware of people’s emotional problems to some extent.

(IDing Ijichi’s stress source accurately.)

2) Gojo is aware he is unable to deal with emotional problems on his own so he enlists outside help.

(Having Shoko and alcohol help cheer Ijichi up while he talks to him.)

3) Gojo’s bluntness and flippant behavior is both rude and serves a purpose for the recipient.

(Gojo bullying Ijichi to keep him out of harm’s way.)

4) Gojo packages his affections with cruelty to keep people at a distance.

(Gojo flicking Ijichi on the head while telling him to take it easy. Taking Ijichi for a night out and then burdening him with extra work the next day.)

5) Other people do not understand Gojo and misread his intent all the time.

(It took Ijichi about 10 years to realize Gojo cares deeply about him.)

Nanami Kento

ENTER: JJK Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust, Chapter 2: Resurrection Doll

This chapter is so good at fully fleshing out the Gojo Nanami dynamic that I will not be using manga citations for most of this part. Please read it. Or listen to the official audio drama which has been fan translated.

Gojo spends the first half of this chapter messing with Nanami, forcing him to try unique foods and drinks and generally enjoy himself. You know the typical purposeful Gojo bullying. (See Pages 33-38)

Then it gets rather serious when they arrive at their mission’s destination. They have to deal with a grieving mother. Gojo is blunt. Nanami is comforting. (See Pages 47-50)

What’s interesting about this interaction is how Gojo reflects on it. He acknowledges how bad he is at dealing with attachment issues that come from grief.

Gojo and Nanami find the culprit and the both of them are quite pissed at how he’s exploiting grief to make a profit. They kind of let him be tortured by the curses that eat his body for a bit before killing him. Gojo makes Nanami do it because he can make him die a human death. (See Pages 50-57)

Even after he has expressed hatred of his man for preying on grieving parents, Gojo still ultimately wants this person to have a proper death. This captures the duality of his inhumanity (torture) and humanity (merciful death) quite well.

The following bar scene ties this all together nicely. (See Pages 58-60 for full context.)

I want to note that it is constantly drawing attention to the sentimentality the both of them feel as they converse about how this particular mission messed with them.

As stated in CFYOW, Gojo believes adults treat their stress with alcohol and conversation. And yet, he denies himself the alcohol.

Gojo denying himself this stress relief seems to be a combination of him being too wary to let down Limitless and not believing he needs it. He's the Strongest and he has to be the Strongest at all times, otherwise someone like Toji will get him.

As stated in CFYOW, Gojo recognizes his students will face trauma similar to himself and Nanami and that as adults they must look out for them.

What's so heartbreaking about this interaction is how Nanami is painfully aware Gojo isn't following his own advice of stress relief and says nothing. In a way it almost reads like Gojo, who knows people see him as a giant child, is asking Nanami to help him too in the most roundabout way possible.

As stated in CFYOW, Gojo deliberately paired Yuji with Nanami because he recognizes he is unfit to keep him emotionally stable. (Also note he refuses to have Yuji’s humanity denied as Sukuna’s Vessel. His concerns are explicitly about Yuji as a kid and nothing else.)

Not only is this for Yuji’s benefit, but for Nanami’s as well.

As we know, Nanami and Gojo have one thing common: they lost their best friends because they couldn’t be there for them. This guilt motivates both their actions as adults. Using that connection through shared grief, Gojo is trying to help Nanami heal from that wound with Yuji.

Why Yuji? Nanami’s best friend, Haibara, was a cheerful, friendly boy with a big heart—just like Yuji. He may not be able to replace Haibara, but that familiarity helps Nanami move on. We know this worked because Nanami dies without regrets thanks to Yuji. (All while seeing Haibara too.)

This is called the Nanago Bible for good reason. We have Gojo being an absolute annoying dick to him and then doting on him so targetedly it kind of makes your head spin. Just like Ijichi, Gojo cares but he’s got to bully you first before he shows it. (Totally sane and healthy behavior. /s)

That's why this hurts so much.

This is so cruel. Gojo does all this for Nanami only to be misunderstood by him in the end, and learn that everyone else is the same way.

However, Nanami still cares for him. Like Gojo, Nanami doesn't show affection unless he's being kind of mean. The best example of this is Yuji calling him Nanamin. And to be honest, his whole stern father dynamic with Yuji.

Nanami puts on a show here. He pretends this is pissing him off but he ultimately accepts it.

We've already established that Gojo is unable to fully understand other people. Nanami calling him a pervert/weirdo/self-satisfier was affection and Gojo too misunderstands him. So we're left with that panel of Gojo looking very hurt.

Iori Utahime

Similar to Ijichi, Gojo trusts Utahime because she is weak. And just like Ijichi, Gojo doesn’t say “I trust you won’t betray me like Geto”, he says this:

Not ignoring the misogynistic stint to his bullying of Utahime, Gojo has been doing this for so long that Utahime flat out hates him. It’s in her official character description. And Gojo is unaware of this because he can't read people well. But you want to know what else is? Her love of sports. (Baseball is one she's really into.)

After the disaster that was the first half of the Goodwill Event, Gojo makes the second half enjoyable for the students and Utahime specifically. 2 birds and 1 stone. Baseball means kids get to enjoy their youth and Utahime gets to have fun with something she genuinely enjoys. And Gojo gets to piss off Principal Yaga and Gakuganji as a treat.

Hopefully you can see the pattern now. Gojo cares for people while also being an absolute menace to keep them at a distance for what he believes to be their own good. And still he craves a direct connection with them. All of it is him failing to cope with Toji and Geto in a healthy way and being The Strongest.

Gojo's Heart

Now that we've established how to read Gojo's actions and words, let's take a look at his heart. What kind of person is Gojo Satoru really under all the posturing?

Other People

Though Gojo likes to act like he's above it all, other people are his weakness. This is not limited to other sorcerers, but the non-sorcerers as well. His attachment to people is so strong that it has been used by each major villain as an exploit. Toji used Gojo's fondness towards Riko to catch him by surprise, both Geto and Kenjaku used his sense of duty towards complete strangers to trap him, and Sukuna used Megumi to throw him off guard.

The Hidden Inventory and Shibuya Incident arcs in particular echo each other in set up and outcome—Kenjaku's plan being a finessed version of Toji's. Gojo panics over Riko and strangers potentially dying with the same expression as his weakness is exploited until he comes up with a solution on the spot. And these solutions ultimately fail to stop the villain from obtaining their goals. The difference between them is how Gojo follows up on the collateral damage. Post-Geto fallout, he starts more directly checking in on the people he potentially hurt.

The follow-up with Ijichi about Shibuya is illuminating. It reiterates that unconsciously Gojo created a domain on the fly that wouldn't be lethal to strangers, and it reveals that his cursed energy itself is hellbent on protecting others. What this indicates is that Gojo's soul is devoted to others. If he didn't care, none of this would be possible.

That being said, Nanami also isn't wrong to call Gojo a Jujutsu Pervert. Gojo does very much get off on fighting to the point where he starts disconnecting from other emotions. Just as the Hidden Inventory and Shibuya Incident showcased how much Gojo cares for other people, the same arcs showcased how unhinged Gojo is when left to his own devices.

He's both caring and a freak at the same time. Polarizing behavior included.

Gojo’s Students

Gojo cares a lot about his students, their enjoyment of life, and their futures. He also wants to change Jujutsu society without senseless bloodshed so he goes out of his way to recruit strong children with potential as his allies (Megumi, Yuta, Yuji, Hikari). Some may think he’s only using the youth for his own purposes. Others may think he just wants to help troubled youths. But it’s both. Gojo is doing both of these things. And boy does he feel immense guilt over it when it goes poorly. See how he handles Yuji "dying".

It should be noted that he still tries to maintain his jokey persona with Shoko and Ijichi while he genuinely gets upset. And he does this by bullying the tar out of Ijichi. (It's really no wonder the poor thing thought Gojo hated him.)

As stated in CFYOW, JJK Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust, Chapter 4: Ijichi at Work, Gojo’s style of care is one that is focused on helping the children handle the emotions he couldn’t at their age. (See Pages 116-118 for full context.)

Gojo basically finds children who are like himself and tries to make sure they don’t wind up like him. This is how he has chosen to cope with his trauma.

You could read this as manipulative and selfish if you find Gojo unbearable. It did turn out poorly in the end. But remember how he forced Nanami to speak of Yuji as a person and not a vessel. And how Gojo discusses with him the fragile hearts of youth and how he wants to prepare them for grief. Gojo is anticipating Jujutsu society ruining their lives and acting preemptively.

Gojo also postures in front of the students. As their pillar of stability, he pretends everything is ok because he's the adult in charge. Look at how quickly he buries his grief when they notice something is up.

And each time he does this, it works. He definitely believes what he says and that does make him annoying. However, the students feel secure because he's promising to take responsibility. When he fails them, he blames himself and no one else. That's the attitude of someone that cares despite most of his students not seeing through his arrogance.

Geto Suguru

It's not up for debate that Gojo was in love with Geto. Gojo 100% was gay for Geto. What is up for debate is whether or not the two of them ever acted on it when they had the chance. I lean towards the interpretation that this love was never realized in life. (Gege is a huge fan of yaoi that ends in tragedy.)

I want to make it very clear, after reading the contents of JJK 261, I believe Geto is the one who failed Gojo the most. He had a fundamental misunderstanding of his best friend so bad that he abandoned him and was shocked that Gojo still loved him in the end. It took him until the afterlife to see that all Gojo wanted was him.

Gojo checking in on him wasn't enough, Gojo not killing him for 10 years even though he could've wasn't enough, Gojo saying something that caused Geto to blush before he killed him wasn't enough, Gojo dying and immediately greeting him first wasn't enough. This is when he finally understands.

Before not denying the fact Geto saw Gojo as a self-satisfying Jujutsu pervert who cared about no one else.

Geto was too consumed by his own trauma and hang-ups to see Gojo with love. He wound up doing the exact same thing he killed non-sorcerers for; putting all the burden of their relationship on the strongest and expecting him to do all the work.

And yet somehow Geto was able to find the love Gojo also deserved. He made a family and was surrounded by people who openly loved him and even understood him. It makes me a little bitter.

At one point Geto did understand Gojo a lot. Enough to be his moral center and sense his suffering. He even accepted Gojo's awful personality when everyone else wouldn't. Since their breakup, Gojo has been mourning him. Every little thing Geto told him to do while they were together is something Gojo incorporated into his life.

Using the personal pronouns "Boku" and "Watashi" over "Ore" to be more polite? Done. Not killing ordinary people, even if they suck, because that would be pointless? Done. Even to the point where he spares most curse users or rehabilitates them. He takes care of Geto's family even after he's dead. Looking after the weak because he's strong? Done until it kills him.

Gojo is chasing after a Geto that no longer exists. These little rituals keep that ghost alive. And they turn out to be super beneficial to other people so let's make it another 2 birds and 1 stone that hides the fact he's grieving.

Gojo's Guts

In summary, Gojo does care about other people despite treating them in bizarre and unpleasant ways that aren’t ok. He may be using them as a way to work through his own trauma, but he is also determined to see that they live better lives than himself. 2 birds, 1 stone.

His status as The Strongest isolated him so severely that he was doomed to being misunderstood by everyone he loved. Both because of how Gojo treats them and how they treat his power. (Limitless being the metaphorical and literal barrier between himself and others.)

Gojo wants to give love and be loved but is denied it at every turn. His heart is that of a pathetic sopping-wet cat that pretends it's completely dry.

Narrative Cruelty

The narrative ire for Gojo Satoru cannot be overstated. This person sums it up the best.

After JJK 261, it has become abundantly clear to me that Gojo was intending to die the moment he made the date December 24th (the most romantic day in Japan and the death date of Geto Suguru). He has all this grief and guilt and truly believes that no one living will ever understand or care about him in the way he wants. The only one Gojo believes will understand him is Geto and he wants to be with him. (And that didn't pan out well either.)

Gojo is also refusing to burden the students with being a monster even though they're offering. As an adult he is in the right to do his damndest to make sure the minors in his care don't become as broken as him. He knows being a monster sucks and his whole goal is to put an end to that.

Plus, he blames himself entirely for this situation in the first place. He's taking responsibility by killing the elders to ensure that when he dies, his students don't pay for it. In a way he's correct, failing to kill Geto properly because he loved him is why they're here now. Kenjaku exploited that love to seal him and Gojo knows it.

The Gojo vs Sukuna fight was Gojo effectively committing suicide to be with his one and only love who fundamentally misunderstood him in life and barely understands him even in death. And ironically, the one who kills him is the first and only person relate directly to his suffering and acknowledge him as himself. Sukuna frees Gojo from the title of Strongest and leaves him as Gojo Satoru, appreciating him as the one who cleared his skies.

This is so unbearably cruel it makes my stomach twist just thinking about it.

It's why I want Gojo so desperately to come back to life. I want him to experience love and know that he is loved. I want him to come to terms with his grief and work through it. But we don't get that. He dies and is surrounded by people that barely understand him while claiming to have no regrets.

What's the point of this narrative ire?

Japanese society is largely Buddhist. Detachment, a kind of Stoicism, is a tenant of Buddhism. Emotions are to be let go of. Ideally when they arise, you don’t cling to or bury them. A version of this idea from Zen Buddhism manifests in Japanese culture as a mantra known as Suffering in Silence or Gaman. In summary, if you're hurting, you hide it. That's the proper thing to do. It leans much more towards repression of emotions instead of their release/detachment.

JJK deliberately draws inspiration from Buddhist teachings and imagery so I'm assuming Gojo Satoru being the poster child for Suffering in Silence is intentional. Taking everyone's burdens and pretending it's all ok because he's the strongest and that's what you're supposed to do.

He took on most of the burden for protecting Amanai Riko and they both died for it.

He took on the burden of being stronger, going on missions for both Nanami and Geto while they grieved until they both left him.

He took on the burden of raising Megumi and Tsumiki and look at what happened to both of them.

He took on the burden of every student no questions asked, money food, dealing with higher ups, etc and all but 2 of them treat him kindly.

He took on the burden of killing Geto, which Principal Yaga forced onto him when he was 17 and it came back to bite him 11 years later in Shibuya where he took on the burden of dealing with that veil.

This is a cautionary tale demonstrating just how much this kind of mindset can ruin your life. JJK has always been a massive critique of Japanese societal standards. And despite Gojo rebelling against it, the toxic ideas a part of his upbringing are ones he can't let go of for himself. He believes he can't be fixed, so he paves the way for the future generation with all his body and soul.

That's why this is so cruel.

In life Gojo was treated like an object by everyone around him. His clan saw him as a tool for their glory and pushed everything onto him. The higher ups, Yaga, Nanami wanted to push everything onto him and they did when they could. You can say whatever mean thing you want to him because he can clearly handle it. You can assign whatever mission or task because he's reliable as the strongest but not as a person. He gave his life for others and even his body, only to be scorned by those very ones he's helping. (Think back to how he forced Nanami to speak of Yuji as a person and not a vessel. He doesn't want any of his students to be dehumanized like himself.)

Yuta is only person who stopped to ask if Gojo was ok. He's the only one that noticed his status as a monster was eating him alive. He's the only one who had a problem with everyone talking about Gojo's body like a tool. And to help him be less lonely he asked for explicit permission to be the one to desecrate it.

Gojo doesn't want his students to give up their humanity and be lonely or give their lives to win. He's ok with them taking risks if it means they survive (see Megumi). And from what it looks like, Yuta will be the only one to fully understand him (obtaining his memories and all) and then die as the result of it.

So in a cruel twist of irony, Gojo will have one person know him fully as a monster and they will likely die as the result of it, further justifying his self-isolation in the first place. It's a game he always loses no matter how he plays.

Sukuna wasn't really wrong when he called Kashimo greedy for wanting Love and Strength. With how their society is structured, they really can't have both.

Note: I'm leaving Yuji out of this because he had no idea this was the plan and always saw Gojo as his teacher first, aka a person. This is also his general reaction to Gojo going things alone.

There's still more...

I also want to note Shoko's reaction here is another instance of Gojo not understanding those around him. From her first official character profile it's noted that Shoko has finally quit smoking for 5 years because Utahime asked her to.

Now what is Shoko doing in that panel and during the entire fight? Smoking. She's just mirroring Gojo's own behavior towards her. Pretending everything is ok and saying nothing of her true feelings. After getting blown off emotionally by both Geto and Gojo as a teenager, Shoko gave up on reaching them.

Gojo did this to her for over a decade and she's doing it back to him. Not because they want to me mean to each other, they just don't know how else to deal with their own trauma. To an extent the other students are doing the same. They're just being like their Sensei.

Gojo went out on a suicide mission believing only Yuta and Yuji cared about him in life as a person. (Megumi's getting his own post and believe me it's not fun.) The 2 most empathetic characters were able to let him know they saw his heart. With love it was seen. Other people cared and didn't show it or they flat out treated him like an object. Gojo is both at fault and not at fault for this.

It hurts me a lot and it's very cruel, but I think this has severed its purpose. If you don't tell people how you feel, they'll never know. Emotions will eat you from the inside out and no one will notice because on the surface you look ok. There aren't a lot of people like Yuta who will take the time to look for your heart, so it's better to outright show it. Don't put off grief, it will consume you.

Gege Akutami...when I get you...

Another prominent theme of Umineko is how poorly readers treat the creators of the story they are experiencing. Often times fans will say and wish horrible things on the author when the story they like doesn't go the way they want it to. You're free to feel upset by how this story's direction and critique it to your hearts content, but please remember Gege is a person too. Don't do to Gege what everyone else has done to Gojo.

Remember: "Without love, it cannot be seen."

However JJK ultimately concludes, I make you this promise.

"This game story will not have a happy ending."

#cactus yaps #I kind of hate everyone but Sukuna Yuta and Yuji for how they've treated Gojo. But also I understand. He is a lot.#I don't think I've been this tormented over a character's fate since Sephiran Fire Emblem.#It's ok in my delusions Gojo will be free. If his body is desecrated then I will treasure his memory.#I'm also extremely worried Yutajo is going to be eaten by Sukuna. That'll really make me cry.#gojo satoru #ijichi kiyotaka #nanami kento #geto suguru #okkotsu yuta #jjk spoilers #jujutsu kaisen #jjk 261 #Read Umineko btw.

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missmonsters2 · 1 year

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🍽️ & 🩸 for Wednesday pls maybe R is making a dinner for Wednesday but accidentally cuts themselves, very soft & fluff, maybe even R gets Wednesday to kiss it better as Wednesday rolls her eyes

Pairing: Wednesday Addams x Fem!Reader/OFC

Warnings: wednesday constantly shitting on your cooking skills <3

Masterlist | Library Blog | AO3

Note: enjoy <3

Count: 0.7k

Reminder there's no taglist but you can follow my library blog for notifications 💘

Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷†⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

"I want to make it known that this is against my consent and genuinely heinous."

"Which is why you love it and are excited, right?" You tease with a smile briefly in her direction before you move your eyes back to the cutting board. "Anyway, stop being dramatic. I'm just cooking you dinner."

"You can't cook."

"Say who?"

"You've sent every one of your friends to the nurse's office at least once. Just last week you sent Xavier to the ER again with whatever you gave him for lunch. Unless you're trying to tell me you're an excellent cook all along and you hold a grudge of sorts against these people—you can't cook. "

You frown, pausing your chopping before you turn to the dreary girl. She sits at her desk. She moves to the middle of the room, her eyes not focused on you but rather on the water boiling in the makeshift stove she built for you.

"Okay, first of all," you lift the knife to point at Wednesday. "They were just practice rounds and they offered to try."

Wednesday's eyes trail to the knife you're swinging haphazardly around.

"Secondly, how was I supposed to know Xavier was allergic to sesame seeds?" You furrow your brows for a moment. "Although, this does explain why he eats his burgers like that...I always thought he was just unhinged."

"Stop swinging—"

"Anyway," you say pointedly before you resume your chopping. "Not saying I'm going to kill you, but I thought you were into the whole death—" you suddenly inhale in a sharp breath.

You drop the knife and lift your finger up, and an immediate red splotch of blood forms on the side of your index finger.

A deep sigh is heard throughout the room, and you look over to see Wednesday pushing her chair back as she stands and walks to you. She turns off the stove before she grabs your hand, inspecting the wound.

"Not bad," she comments. "I was expecting you to at least take out your eye tonight, but I suppose we'll settle for this."

"You sound disappointed," you say with your eyebrow raised.

"It would serve you right for trying to kill me," Wednesday drags you out of the room to the nearest bathroom to clean your cut. "Death is fascinating but going out with food poisoning is beneath me."

"As an empath, I'm sensing you're dissing my cooking again."

Wednesday merely gives you an unimpressed look. Once you're both back in her room, she finishes taking care of your cut, putting a sterile bandage over it.

You lift your finger, admiring her efficient and clean work and flexing your index finger.

"Is there something unsatisfactory?" Wednesday asks, glaring at how you keep staring at the bandage.

You look at your girlfriend, appreciating the lines of her face and, specifically, the plumpness of her lips.

"Not only does my finger hurt, but my heart does as well with how you keep disparaging my cooking before having even tried it," you move your index finger towards her face, wriggling it. "I think you need to kiss it so my finger and heart will feel better."

"Excuse me?" Wednesday narrows her eyes at your words. The idea of doing something so...she refuses.

"If you don't kiss it better, I may not have the will to continue on," you sigh dramatically. "I was so excited to cook my girlfriend a lovely dinner, even practicing for months on our friends, and not only does she belittle me, she won't even kiss my wounds better."

Wednesday continues to stare at you.

You sigh again, wriggling your finger and drawing her attention to it. "Oh, to be Wednesday Addams' girlfriend is full of woe, such heartbreak and—"

"Stop," Wednesday commands as she grits her teeth, her jaw visibly clenching. "You are so insufferable."

You smile, unoffended, as you wait patiently.

Wednesday sighs while rolling her eyes, grasping your hand before she presses her cool lips against your finger. The gesture warms your heart, and your smile turns into something soft.

Wednesday's eyes connect with yours, and there's a look that she only ever reserves for you—it's only something you manage to bring out in her.

But then she bites your finger.

"Ow!" You yelp, looking surprised at Wednesday.

"Go boil whatever you were planning to on the stove. I'll finish the chopping since you're clearly hopeless at it."

#wednesday addams x reader #wednesday x reader #wednesday addams imagine #wednesday addams x ofc #wednesday x ofc #wednesday addams #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega imagine #mm: my fics #mm.drabble.wednesday

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suzena · 1 year

Text

Complete Dead Apple Explanation

Or: “The Ultimate Guide to Dead Apple”.

Warning: this is a long post! I’m not kidding, I worked on this for three months. There is a TL;DR at the end but it will only briefly cover the most important points.

I see posts about Dead Apple not being understood far too often and so I’m introducing: this explanation! I do want to preface this by saying that I can completely understand that this movie can be confusing. Or, as Fyodor said it:

But, as someone who has seen it many times, I’m here to shed some light on it! Hopefully after this post it’ll all make a bit more sense, and you’ll at least have different questions.

If you haven’t watched the movie yet and are wondering when to watch it, the story officially takes place between season two and three, though you’ll be able to watch season three with no issues if you haven’t watched the movie. Please do note that this post will contain light spoilers for the plot after season two, so don’t read it if you haven’t at least finished catching up to the anime.

I’ll try not to summarize the movie, but instead explain it. That means that this post does not replace the movie, but instead tries to elaborate upon it and tries to place it in the larger plot. Most of the early movie is therefore ignored, but please do not hesitate to ask if you have extra questions, comments, different interpretations or you want me to go into more detail about something. I may not know everything, but I’m always down to talk about this movie!

Alright, with all of that out of the way…

The Dragon Head Conflict

We’ll start at the beginning, which is to say, we’ll start at the prologue, which can be found as a permanent event in Mayoi (and also as a part of the Dead Apple manga). This is not technically needed to understand most of the movie, but it does give some context that will make it a little easier, since this is where it all starts.

The Dragon Head Conflict, sometimes also translated as the Ryuuzu Conflict, is (as the movie states) the largest conflict in the history of Yokohama’s underworld. It took place six years ago, and originally was about five hundred billion yen an ability user left behind after they died, which various organizations were very interested in. It lasted for a total of 88 days, and involved conflict between eight different underworld organizations, including among others the Port Mafia, Gelhart Security Service/GSS (from Fifteen) and Takasekai (also from Fifteen).

Now as you can imagine, the government isn’t super stoked that gangs are shooting each other up all night and leaving corpses everywhere, to the point where the sidewalk is torn up from the bullet holes. To try to combat this, they thought that they could best fight fire with fire, and let a strong ability user from outside Yokohama settle this conflict all at once.

This new ability user, known as the “White Qilin”, unfortunately doesn’t really care about ending the conflict and kills other strong ability users left and right just for the fun of it, contrary to what the government had hoped he would do. Whether they are uninvolved parties or Port Mafia executives, it doesn’t matter to this guy. The White Qilin also ends up taking the money the conflict was originally about, but that doesn’t stop his murder spree. In this way, the White Qilin gains control over the entire conflict pretty fast, making him the main target to eliminate in order to put a stop to the killings.

Dazai approaches this problem similarly as to how he did during the conflict of Stormbringer, with a group of ability users to overpower the lone individual, but gets his plan twisted on him and gets kidnapped instead. Naturally, he predicted this outcome, leaving a hint for Chuuya where he left a transmitter for a tracking device so that Chuuya could come rescue him.

This is then the first scene of the movie, where Dazai and Chuuya confront and defeat the White Qilin using Corruption, and the whole Dragon Head Conflict ends since the White Qilin is finally gone and all the money burned. This battle is so iconic in the underground circles that it gains them the name “Double Black”, or “Soukoku”.

A few small notes on the Dragon Head Conflict before we move on.

As can also be seen in the first scene of the movie, this is where Oda adopts all five of those kids you see during the Dark Age, which was also already stated in the Dark Age itself.

“I heard all about it, Odasaku. You’re raising five kids, huh? And not only that, they’re orphans from the Dragon’s Head Conflict.” ―Dazai, Dark Age

Also, ever wondered why the Port Mafia is the only major criminal organization in Yokohama? There actually used to be five in total but four of them completely perished during the Dragon Head Conflict. Another reason why Dazai & Chuuya ending the conflict is so impressive, since because of that the Port Mafia is the only one to even survive it at all.

Shibusawho?

As you’ve probably guessed by now, the “White Qilin”, also named “the Collector” in Dead Apple itself, are both different names for our main antagonist: Shibusawa Tatsuhiko. The government had good reason to believe Shibusawa would be able to stand against the entire Yokohama underground and come out on top: his ability.

Shibusawa’s ability, Draconia, creates a fog around him, which separates other ability users from their own ability and makes non-ability users disappear as long as the fog persists. When surrounded by this fog, ability users are confronted with this version of their ability that is split from themselves. If an ability user is to die within this fog, their ability will be added to Draconia’s collection room.

There is decent evidence that it takes a while before the fog activates, so the effect isn’t immediate. This can be seen with Chuuya, who makes very short contact with the fog before he lifts up the building that he shoves in the Dragon’s mouth, but it’s seen even more clearly with Atsushi and Kyouka at the start of the movie. They spend a small while running around Yokohama wondering why everyone is gone before they’re finally confronted with their abilities.

To some extent the separated abilities represent the inner conflict in an ability user. This can of course be clearly found in Atsushi and his shaky connection to the tiger, or in Kyouka who has Demon Snow which is the last remnant of her parents but also murdered them in front of her. But the clearest example of this in the movie is actually Kunikida, since there is a visible change between him and his ability.

The notebook of Kunikida’s ability does not read its usual “理想” (ideals), but instead now says “妥協” (compromise). For Kunikida, a person so tied to his ideals, this version of his ability is an “abomination” (his words, not mine), and thus a source of inner conflict, since it represents a side of Kunikida that he carries within him.

“A copy of himself that didn’t follow ideals but made compromises was an abomination to Kunikida.”―Dead Apple (light novel)

If ability users manage to defeat their abilities in a physical fight, and then also accept these parts of themselves for what they represent, they will regain their ability. For example, Atsushi does not immediately regain his ability after defeating the tiger because he does not completely accept that the tiger represents that he has killed a person. For Atsushi, a person who connects his entire reason of living to saving other people, this is nearly irreconcilable. The only reason he probably is able to get over it in the end is that the person he killed was actively torturing and trying to kill him, so Atsushi had to kill to survive.

Shibusawa, then, is dead. Chronologically, his murder is the earliest you see of him. Fyodor has told Shibusawa that Atsushi contains something that “guides the envy of all ability users”, so Shibusawa, who feels like he is missing something, seeks to take this by any means. This doesn’t work out too hot for him, and Atsushi kills him.

Now a fun thing happens. Since Shibusawa is the center of the fog at all times, so to speak, and he’s the keeper of the abilities that die in his fog, his ability is separated from himself and lives on, nearly indistinguishable from his original body. Only one downside to this: he completely loses his memories.

I can only assume the government steps in at this point to take this strong ability user in his vulnerable state, and then have him solve the Dragon Head Conflict not long after. He most likely also survived Chuuya’s Corruption by being an ability, and having ability crystals in his collection to fall back on and recover, as he also does in Dead Apple. However, all of that is just pure speculation.

After the Dragon Head Conflict, Shibusawa spends some years abroad, casually killing thousands of ability users for the same reason as during the Dragon Head Conflict: just playing around and trying to fill that hole of something that is missing inside of him. The Japanese government mostly does a spectacular and spectacularly unethical job of cleaning up after him, since they learned nothing from the Dragon Head Conflict and still think that they can control him to protect Japan should it ever be invaded by foreign ability users.

Eventually, when the timing is right, Shibusawa gets invited back to Japan by Dazai. At the same time he is told by Fyodor (can you see the manipulation happening on both sides?) that Dazai’s ability is the ultimate ability that will finally complete him, and so Shibusawa eagerly comes to Yokohama.

From here on out, as far as Shibusawa is concerned, it’s just a matter of covering the entire city in fog, killing Dazai and then taking his ability. Since Dazai cancels the fog itself with his ability, Shibusawa does need to kill him first, since the fog will work just fine on a corpse. Unfortunately, Shibusawa, however smart he is, is not in control of the plot in this movie. That control is left entirely to the combination of Dazai and Fyodor.

Intermezzo: Singularity Crash Course

Let’s do a lightning quick crash course on singularities before continuing, because you’re going to need that to understand what is happening in the next part. While Stormbringer was released after Dead Apple, I’m still going to be leaning heavily on and paraphrasing the information provided in that novel since it gives a really nice overview.

Abilities are bound to rules, just like everything else. No organisms other than humans, such as plants or monkeys, can possess an ability. Each human can only have a single ability, and when they die the ability disappears with them. Finally, there is a limit to the strength of any such ability.

But what if you wanted to go beyond that limit? What if you wanted to play with the natural laws of this world? What if you wanted to get really silly with it? Well, in that case, you can try your best at creating a singularity.

Singularities are defined as “the interaction of multiple abilities that develops into a higher-level phenomenon different from the original abilities”. This mostly exhibits itself in a massive release of energy, but rarely there are semi-stable versions of them. Singularities aren’t bound to conventional rules, and can be much more powerful for that exact reason.

As for creating singularities, there are two defined ways. The most reliable method is to have two contradicting abilities clash with each other. This leads to fun mental exercises, think “unstoppable force meets immovable object”, or, two ability users who can both see a few seconds into the future fighting to the death (sound familiar?). As a second method, an ability can also contradict itself, essentially causing the same result, but it’s a lot more finicky.

“Dead Apple”

The latter part of the movie revolves around exactly the creation of such a singularity, as all planned out by Fyodor, and accurately anticipated by Dazai. Let’s lay out all the layers of this.

Shibusawa is after Dazai’s ability. Meanwhile, Dazai is trying to stop the fog to save Yokohama. As for Fyodor, we’ll get to him in a second.

Dazai “teams up” with Fyodor and betrays Shibusawa to put a stop to the fog. The idea of this is that Fyodor combines two abilities from Shibusawa’s collection, which Dazai can’t do himself without canceling them: the ability to pull abilities in a surrounding area close, and the ability to merge abilities together. When these two are merged, together they create an ability that will absorb Shibusawa’s entire collection, and then Dazai only has to touch this ability to effectively get rid of Shibusawa’s power source.

There is a specific reason why it has to happen like this, and Dazai just touching Shibusawa isn’t quite enough. Let’s mentally walk through the process if Dazai were to touch Shibusawa. The fog disappears for a bit (and Shibusawa with it, most likely), but Shibusawa now knows Dazai’s intentions. Fyodor will take Shibusawa’s side and now Dazai is at a large disadvantage. Ultimately, it doesn’t even solve the problem. We know from the Dragon Head Conflict that just destroying Shibusawa’s body is most likely not enough, and he will be able to resummon the fog (and his body) with time and energy. The problem needs to be cut off at the root, the ability crystals.

Unfortunately, Fyodor didn’t really team up with Dazai, instead choosing to team up with Shibusawa in order to get rid of Dazai. This is then where Shibusawa gets to kill Dazai, and discovers that wait, Dazai’s ability may not be what he’s seeking after all. However, the abilities are already merged, and Dazai’s ability joins them. This combines “the ability to merge” with “the ability to nullify”, which don’t exactly mix well. Does Dazai’s ability become part of the other ability? Does his ability nullify the merging ability before that can happen? It’s already part of it, but at the same time the merging can never happen. It’s contradictory, and thus a singularity is born.

Fyodor, meanwhile, hasn’t quite had his fill of betrayal yet, and decides to remind Shibusawa of what he is by killing him, reminding Shibusawa of his earlier death by Atsushi’s paw. All of this, killing Dazai and using his ability to create a singularity, having that power from the singularity then go into Shibusawa to create the Dragon, all of that was part of Fyodor’s plan. Shibusawa is only able to cover an entire city with fog because of the large amount of ability crystals he has collected, and so with enough power (like from a singularity) he can cover the entire world in this fog. Up until this point, neither Fyodor nor Shibusawa have seen a single ability user survive the fog, and thus it is the perfect method for getting rid of all ability users in the world, which does seem to be Fyodor’s end goal.

However, Chuuya swoops in and defeats the Dragon. Dazai was well prepared and had the antidote to the poison he was killed with hidden in his mouth, so he is alive and well again. That means that Dazai has his ability back and it cancels out the singularity space they both are in. It doesn’t completely get rid of the Dragon however, as some energy still lingers around the tower.

Fyodor is still on the scene, and uses a part of the merging crystal that he saved which was used earlier to create the singularity to merge Shibusawa with the singularity, giving Shibusawa a very anime transformation into his final form.

At this point, as a result of Shibusawa’s transformation, the fog turns red. If this red fog then covers the entire planet as Fyodor is hoping, and you were to watch it from space, it would look just like a poisonous red apple. The name of the movie therefore refers to this plan of using Shibusawa to rid the world of ability users.

This idea of poisonous apples in this movie comes from two different sources. From Fyodor’s side, it is referring to the apple Eve ate in the Bible, the original sin. For Fyodor, there is poetic irony in this: the world will end with the same sin as it began with. The crime is the punishment. On Dazai’s side, it refers to Snow White, who bit the poison apple and died (temporarily). He already talks about this to Oda when he is sixteen, vaguely implying he knew all of this was coming as soon as he met Shibusawa during the Dragon Head Conflict. Since Fyodor was already around at that time and also had a hand in enabling Shibusawa originally, this may indeed be planned out this far in advance, but it’s always hard to tell with these guys.

Then the kids take over the fight for the rest of the movie, and Atsushi, Akutagawa and Kyouka work together to defeat Shibusawa’s final form in the form of a long, epic final fight. Shibusawa is finally defeated and it all ends happily ever after.

The End.

Byakko VS The Dragon

…Or is it? You thought we covered the entire basic layer of the movie, so we’re done now, right? Think again! This is only where things start to become really interesting. Please note that this section will take some ideas that were already pointed out by other people, and build on those.

When looking at lore relevance of characters, Atsushi may not immediately spring to mind as one of the most important ones. Sure, he’s the protagonist of the main manga, but in comparison to the mystery surrounding Dazai or Fyodor he fades a little into the background.

Even in this post, an explanation about a movie that’s basically about Atsushi, I’m able to explain the basics of the movie without mentioning him much at all. And yet, the movie’s core conflict is not between Shibusawa, Dazai and Fyodor, but between Shibusawa and Atsushi.

While there isn’t a lot of information given about Shibusawa’s and Atsushi’s connection, what we do get is very interesting. Shibusawa is consistently referred to as a Dragon during Dead Apple, and while subtitles usually translate everything as “tiger”, Atsushi’s tiger is actually referred to as “Byakko” half of the time.

Now what is the difference between any good ol’ normal tiger and the Byakko, I hear you ask. The Byakko is much more than an ordinary tiger, since it is part of the 四神 (shijin/ shishin), the Four Guardians of the Four Compass Directions, which the Dragon is also a part of. What you essentially need to know from this is that the Byakko belongs to the same group of creatures as the Dragon, and that this solidifies Shibusawa’s status as Atsushi’s foil in this movie.

It also allows us to make a direct comparison between Shibusawa and Atsushi. The thing is, I have been lying to you a little bit. So far, I’ve been calling the Dragon a singularity. The truth is, it may not be. I know, I know, if it’s not a singularity, then what was that whole Dragon thing about?

Fyodor actually specifically tells us that the Dragon isn’t a singularity, but instead it’s “the true form of the chaos born from abilities”. (Note here that the Dead Apple light novel talks about Fyodor as if he is “reciting some Oracle”. Did Fyodor get this information from someone else?) Is this related to why Fyodor wants abilities gone from this world? Is there another layer to abilities and other creatures that BSD hasn’t even touched upon (think Lovecraft)? It’s hard to say at this point. All we can say is that the Dragon gets referred to as something else, and… that the Dragon is similar to the Byakko.

The tiger ability we see that got separated from Atsushi in the movie actually doesn’t follow the rules the other abilities do. It has a clearly defined face, and the red gem is not on its forehead. The gem found on the ability tiger is also red, which is in line with the other extracted abilities we see, but what gets extracted from Atsushi by Shibusawa is this blue cube. The weirdness continues in the flashback we see of Atsushi being tortured by Shibusawa.

We see Atsushi’s ability leave him, but then in a flash of self protection instinct, he partially transforms into the tiger, claws and all, while the blue gem is outside of his body. Earlier in the movie it is shown that if an ability is extracted from an ability user, they no longer have access to the powers of that ability. Then how is Atsushi able to use his tiger abilities here?

Granted, there is a bit of conflicting information within the movie about this, since during the final fight with Shibusawa this blue cube is once again extracted from Atsushi, but now he does lose his tiger powers. Could he resummon the tiger while not in possession of the cube if the situation is dire enough? Is this just a psychological thing because Atsushi is aware of it this time? Who can say. At any rate, this blue cube is connected deeply with Atsushi, but the clues given imply that it may not be the Byakko itself.

“That’s not an ability! That is me!”―Atsushi, reaching out to the blue cube in Dead Apple

To be honest, the movie does very little in explaining anything around Atsushi, instead raising more questions than answers. For that exact reason, the rest of this section will mostly be speculation about one possible angle on Atsushi’s ability that personally makes sense to me, but of course this is only one potential theory.

I do also want to add here that Atsushi personally goes through an arc in this movie from seeing the tiger as something separate to something that is intrinsically part of him. This can also be a reason for this final exclamation of “that’s me!” when he reaches out to the blue cube, but it doesn’t explain everything, which is why we explore an alternate possibility here.

My take on it is that the Byakko and this blue gem that get extracted from Atsushi are not the same thing. With the side note here being that they are probably deeply connected, but not the same regardless.

My reasoning for this is that everything Atsushi-related you see in Dead Apple makes a little more sense when you consider the Byakko and the blue cube as two separate entities. The Byakko’s gem is red, the cube is blue. The Byakko is framed as something separate from Atsushi, while he claims the cube is not an ability but he himself. Atsushi had access to the Byakko while the blue cube was outside of him. Shibusawa even makes a point of mentioning that the orphanage director, who correctly thought Atsushi was the tiger, had the wrong idea about Atsushi’s ability. The Byakko is definitely Atsushi’s ability, but this blue cube is… something else.

And yet, the tiger is also deeply connected to whatever this blue gem is. Currently, one theory that makes sense to me is that the tiger is an ability that can be passed on, just like Demon Snow, that has the specific task of protecting the power of this blue gem. So, a two in one deal. Atsushi also gets referred to as “the one holding the Byakko ability” by Ivan, which would be in line with the Byakko being an ability that can be passed on as needed. Shibusawa makes a similar statement, calling Atsushi “the one clad in the Byakko”. Atsushi also has issues controlling his ability before joining the ADA, just like Kyouka and Tsujimura, who both also inherited their abilities. I would love to further speculate on this, but there is so little information on anything relating to this, so anything further would be completely baseless.

However, there is one more different clue given to us by the movie. Namely, what this comparison to the Dragon means for Atsushi as the one holding the Byakko.

Almost in the same breath as Shibusawa is recounting Fyodor’s words about the Dragon being the chaos of all abilities, the holder of the Byakko also gets its own description about its true form: the one opposing all abilities.

This relates to what the blue cube may really be. What Atsushi does to Shibusawa in his final moments is what I essentially believe to be this blue cube’s true power: it completely unravels an ability. The blue power eats up everything supernatural about Shibusawa until only his natural skull is left.

If you think this sounds familiar, it kind of does! I cannot ignore the similarity to Dazai here, though I do have to point out that Dazai can only cancel out an ability, and this blue cube power seems to… completely erase the ability itself, leaving no trace of it. The similarity to Dazai is further found the moment Dazai dies and his ability leaves his body. At first, his ability is white and vaguely similar to the blue cube before deciding that nope, this is just barely not it.

I have a hard time connecting this to anything larger simply because the series does not give a lot of clues on this subject. How did abilities come to be? How is the Book related to that, since it is not an ability or borne from an ability? And how does Atsushi factor into this?

Shibusawa has been led to Atsushi since he believed Atsushi would grant him something special, something he had been looking for all this time. “That which every ability user desires.”

This is actually a familiar story! This is not the first time Fyodor has led someone to Atsushi with the premise that he would be able to lead them to what they were seeking. The first two seasons of the anime follow that specific idea, of Fitzgerald wanting Atsushi so he can lead him to the Book.

The tiger as the guide to the Book is something emphasized again and again. While in English it gets translated as “guide”, the original manga panel said “道標（タイガービートル）”, or, “guidepost (pronounced: tiger beetle, in English)”. While this is partially just a funny pun, it also once again points to the tiger specifically as a guide.

It did leave me to wonder about the absence of a certain scene in the series. Fyodor has been sending other people to Atsushi for the entire length of the series, but has never interacted with Atsushi himself. For someone who claims to be looking for the Book, and knows that Atsushi is somehow the guide to the Book, isn’t that a bit weird? Is there a reason Fyodor won’t interact with Atsushi himself? Fyodor knew about Atsushi way before he joined the ADA, so it’s not like Dazai is particularly standing in the way here.

Regardless, this factor that makes Atsushi so special may very well be this blue cube. How does the power to completely undo abilities lead to the Book? Who knows. We simply do not know enough about the Book or the origin of abilities to say more about this. Maybe the true power of the blue cube is something else entirely.

What does all of this mean? Where will it all lead? Only the future (Asagiri) can tell.

The Unexplained and Weird

Welcome to the section I’d fondly refer to as “a collection of things I have no explanation for”. There is plenty of that in this movie, but I do want to touch upon them since not being explainable as of currently does not necessarily mean that they aren’t important in the future. Also, not having an explanation for these things is driving me insane and I need to share in my suffering. Let’s go! :)

Let’s get the big thing out of the way first.

Mukurotoride, my friend, my enemy. For those unaware, Mukurotoride is the name of the large black tower that Shibusawa, Dazai and Fyodor were chilling in for most of the movie. The name gets translated as “Skull Fortress”, but the kanji used gives the name more of a “Dead Man’s Castle” feeling, since it refers to a person long since dead more than a skull. My problem with this tower is as follows: it doesn’t make any sense. Whatsoever.

Why is it there? Fifteen establishes it’s there seven years before the current timeline, so a year before Shibusawa dies. I would’ve accepted it if the tower was a weird side effect of Shibusawa dying or something, but the current facts point towards this tower not having anything to do with Shibusawa at all. It’s also very decayed. How long has it been there? Who put it there? Is it relevant that it’s right next to Suribachi? Or in the Yokohama foreign settlement? (Side note: foreign settlements have not been a thing since 1899. What’s up with Yokohama having a foreign settlement?) No one seems to know anything about this tower, not even in the Japanese community. And then in-universe, everyone also seems okay with this wildly out-of-place tower that looks like it’s made out of human bones being there in the middle of the city? It’s giving me Sky Casino vibes.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, we can talk about Fyodor’s ability.

I want to start this part by explaining my personal stance on the current Fyodor theories, since it influences how I talk about what is shown of his ability in Dead Apple. There are a bunch of theories about Fyodor having an insta-kill ability that only works on non-ability users. Personally, I don’t subscribe to this theory, and I have multiple reasons for this.

First, I don’t think we’ve ever seen Fyodor’s ability being used. At the end of Cannibalism a cop dies as soon as he touches Fyodor. In the manga abilities don’t have a special shine effect, but in the anime they do. However, in the anime there was no ability-shine here.

A stronger argument, perhaps, is that this happens right in front of Dazai, and Dazai immediately afterwards says he has no clue what Fyodor’s ability could be. He could be lying, of course, but since this is a common enemy he shares with Fitzgerald, who is the one asking him about Fyodor’s ability, I don’t see any reason for him to do so here. The whole murder reads a little bit like Fyodor just putting on a show for Dazai.

Finally, from a narrative viewpoint, killing with a touch is a little… useless? Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s convenient, I guess, when you’re a terrorist who seeks to exterminate part of the global population. But there are many ways to kill a person, and Fyodor has shown time after time that he doesn’t need to rely on an ability to murder people.

The strongest argument for the insta-kill ability in my opinion is Fyodor himself saying “this is my true ability” before killing that kid who was enslaved by Ace. However, this may also be part of something else that is going on with Fyodor, in a way that is perhaps very similar to Atsushi.

Alright. Whether you agree with that or not is up to you. To get back to the movie, there are a few interesting clues provided about Fyodor’s ability.

The first is of course Fyodor’s iconic line when his ability shows up on screen: “Crime and Punishment are close friends.” Everything he says after that point is already referring to Shibusawa again, so this is the only clue he himself is willing to offer up. If we consider that the abilities that get split from their users represent inner conflict, all he is saying here is that he apparently has no inner conflict. Does he know something else about the world? Does he just know who he is? Honestly, I don’t think we’ll get anywhere talking about Fyodor’s mental state.

Then there is the “I am Crime”, spoken by Fyodor holding the skull, and “I am Punishment”, spoken by his ability holding the apple. This one is slightly more straightforward. The ability user being the crime, and the ability the punishment. I’m not 100% sure if this is actually referring to Fyodor himself, or if it’s just about Shibusawa again. The skull (Shibusawa, an ability user) being the crime, and then the apple (covering the world with fog through Shibusawa’s ability, thus punishing ability users) being the punishment makes sense when viewed like this, but it could be that Fyodor is somehow also referring to himself during these lines.

Okay, if Fyodor is apparently not willing to open up, we can gather some more info just from what we can see instead of what we’re told. Most of what this part covers is taken from these excellent posts, but I’ll summarize it here for the sake of completion. Fyodor’s ability looks different compared to most other abilities. Most of the abilities shown in the movie have a blank face without any features, and have their gem on their forehead. The exception to that first part, interestingly enough, is Elise, Mori’s ability. This is most likely because she has physical form as an ability to begin with. Which then raises the question: does Fyodor’s ability also have a physical form outside of the fog? His ability looks identical, so that would imply some sort of clone ability. Next to this, Fyodor’s epithet is “The Conjurer”, which would be in line with him being able to create another copy of himself. (Though I should add here that the Japanese seems to just refer to him as “魔神”, which can be any type of evil spirit. However, if I’m not mistaken, the “Conjurer” should be from the official translation, but let me know if I’m mistaken on that.)

Finally, there is the position of the gem on Fyodor’s ability. Nearly all other abilities have their gem on their forehead, but for some reason Fyodor’s ability has his on his hand. The only other ability that has its gem not on its forehead is… the Byakko. I don’t have an explanation for this one, but the weirdness should be pointed out, since it’s another way in which Fyodor’s ability deviates from the others.

Next to the above, there are two other weird details I want to quickly touch upon.

First, the knives in the apples in the dish in Mukuroride, as well as the apples with a knife in them in general, as they are the theme of this movie. I believe this to be of a more metaphorical touch, so we won’t read too much into it, but it does have physical consequences that tie back to the title as well.

This exact shot is used four times throughout the movie, but with a varying amount of knives stuck in the apples. It starts with one, then two, then three. The room starts with just Dazai, then Shibusawa enters, then Fyodor. With each of them showing up, another knife appears in an apple. This is then a metaphor for these three being the instigators behind the Dead Apple incident. These knives in the apples can also be seen as their calling cards, as they were left both at the bar and at the scene of the crime where that agent was killed who was supposed to meet with Kunikida and Tanizaki.

In a later scene, it cuts again to this frame, but a knife and the skull has disappeared. These both get taken by Fyodor. The knife is used eventually to kill Shibusawa, but Shibusawa also took one of these knives to kill Dazai with. Either way, these knives that have been in these apples are used to murder, once again corroborating the connection between death and apples.

And finally, the relevance of the moon.

There are a few impressive shots of the moon in Dead Apple, where the moon is shown to be enormous, to the point where even the light novel points out how extraordinarily large it is. The novel also points out that the blue cube crystal holds a similarity to the moonlight. Just symbolism to show that it’s connected to Atsushi, or something more? The other side of the page in the main series will also only be written on the night… of the next full moon.

The Point of It All

I hear a lot of “Dead Apple doesn’t matter to the plot, just watch it for the Soukoku scenes and move on”. And while I do agree that it’s not mandatory viewing to understand the storyline that corresponds with season three onwards, I do think there is more to Dead Apple than most people give it credit for.

I always like to ask myself after reading a book or watching a movie: “Okay, so what was the point of that? What was I meant to take away from this?”

For example, in essence Stormbringer is a case study on singularities. Likewise, BEAST is a study into the limits of the Book, and all other side stories similarly have a message, however big or small.

So what does Dead Apple establish? Why bother?

I hope by now you agree that Dead Apple seems to be the introduction to explaining more as to what is so special about Atsushi. This seems to go deeper into chapter 28/29 of the manga, or season 2 episode 8 of the anime, where Atsushi also has some weird things going on with the tiger. What this exactly is, or where this seems to be going is unclear for now, but the Dead Apple definitely emphasizes Atsushi’s importance as well as the concept that there can be something more than just abilities.

In-universe, there are also reasons for this conflict to happen.

Most likely both Dazai and Fyodor knew the end result long before the conflict ever started. It’s their reunion in a way, so I suppose they are both seeing how the other’s condition is at the moment. They may even have gathered some intel somehow? It’s almost like collecting metadata, they won’t have a direct conversation about important things, but they try to collect information just by seeing how the other acts, to see if the other lies within prediction.

Aside from that, on Dazai’s side, except for foiling Fyodor’s plan and keeping Yokohama safe, the Shin Soukoku dynamic also gets strengthened, something Dazai is actively working on. On Fyodor’s side, next to giving the whole “eliminating all ability users” a good honest shot, he also gets to collect a lot of intel on the opposing side. For example, Fyodor in Dead Apple gets to see Corruption up close, which may potentially be relevant.

Finally, from a storytelling perspective, it sets up a lot for the third season, especially in character interactions and relationships, e.g. Atsushi & Akutagawa, Dazai & Chuuya, Kyouka, Fukuzawa & Mori. It should be noted that some characters literally have been intentionally regressed to make the ending make more impact. Whether that was a good decision or not is not why I’m here. You should just know that it’s intentional. You could chalk it up to Atsushi losing his ability impacting him and his behavior a lot, if you wanted to justify it somehow. The Order of the Clock Tower also gets its first anime appearance, showing Agatha Christie on screen, who will most likely play a more important role later on. Likewise, Dead Apple is the introduction to Fyodor as a villain, where you get to see him for more than just a few flashes.

Trivia and Fun Details

I suppose this section is skippable. But who doesn’t love trivia? This is by no means an exhaustive list of everything included in this movie, but rather an overview of what I personally caught, understood and thought relevant to include.

The “Dragon Head” in the Dragon Head Conflict refers to a Qilin, which are said to have similar heads to dragons. Since the conflict centered around the White Qilin, this is where that name comes from.

At some point Akutagawa and Kyouka use a mafia code to refer to a passageway. The code “0505” refers back to Atsushi’s birthday.

The symbol ᛟ found on the outfits of the Mukurotoride squad refers to inheritage, since Shibusawa inherited his own ability. More information about that here.

Dazai at some point meows at Fyodor. This is a very sassy way of telling Fyodor that he will personally eradicate all of Fyodor’s rats in Yokohama, including Fyodor himself. (The light novel calls it a “tedious” meow. Lmao.)

The music from Dead Apple seems to be recycled in season three of the anime. I’m guessing to save on budget?

Atsushi’s door that he eventually opens to unlock his hidden memories has its own music motif that shows up every time he thinks about Shibusawa, the fog or his memories associated with killing him. Try to pay attention to this, it’s really cool.

The motif of the door is also a tune that sounds a lot like the track named Dead Apple, further showing Atsushi’s relevance in his movie.

The lyrics of the soundtrack tell their own story. When the Dead Apple plot first takes off and Dazai is at bar Lupin, a song called My Prince plays telling of Snow White who is sleeping and waiting for her prince. However, it seems to be a spin on the classic, where indeed Snow White chose to knowingly bite the apple knowing it was poisoned, in much the same way as Dazai knew he was going to be poisoned in Dead Apple. Le Cheval Noir tells of how bored the singer is, and how nothing is special to them anymore. This plays during the scene where Dazai talks to Shibusawa, showing Shibusawa’s apathy towards everything. Mein Prinz, the song that plays as Dazai gets backstabbed, is nearly exactly the same song as My Prince, but now more dramatic and in German. This is a clue that Dazai saw this coming from before the Dead Apple conflict even started, and it’s now up to Chuuya again to save him. Overall, Dazai is leaning into the Snow White aesthetic hard in Dead Apple.

And finally, a list of everything the light novel insists refers to the theme of poisonous red apples: the red apples with the knives in them, apple suicide, the merged abilities producing a red sphere, the singularity that results from that in all its forms and the planet covered in red fog. If it’s red and spherical, you can just assume it should represent a deathly apple.

TD;DR

Recapped extremely briefly:

The Dragon Head Conflict introduces Shibusawa as a villain who was kept by the government but went off the rails. Shibusawa’s ability is a fog that splits ability users from their abilities. If ability users die, Shibusawa obtains their ability. Shibusawa died and inherited his own ability, also causing him to lose his memory. Therefore he wants to obtain Dazai's ability in order to gain what he feels he lacks. Dazai betrays Shibusawa together with Fyodor by combining abilities. However, Shibusawa kills Dazai first, adding Dazai's ability to the merged abilities creating a singularity. Fyodor kills Shibusawa, causing him to regain his memory of being previously killed by Atsushi. A dragon is created and defeated, and Fyodor's plan is revealed to be the covering of the entire planet in Shibusawa's fog, killing all ability users. This plan is foiled, but Atsushi is shown to have potentially another power next to his ability (the tiger). This power is possibly the ability to completely unravel abilities, and may be what makes Atsushi the guide to the Book. Mukurotoride is completely left unexplained in the movie, but there are clues given about Fyodor's ability that point away from an insta-kill ability, and more towards a clone type ability.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd dead apple #dead apple #bsd analysis #bungou stray dogs analysis #posted this also on reddit but. i forgor to post it on here. whoopsie.#glad i got this all written out though #like a weight lifted from my shoulders #this is actually longer than the reddit version so rejoice! you're getting the premium version #here's to hoping it shows up in the tags! 🙏🏻#suzenanalysis

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

Note

Am I the asshole for saying I prefer to date autistic people?

🐑🐑

So, I am not autistic. I am diagnosed with ADHD and BPD and it can be somewhat similar to autism, but not quite.

A majority, if not all, of my friends are autistic. Including my best friend who I love more than anything, so, I’m constantly surrounded by people on the spectrum.

A few days ago, this subject came up in a discord server I’m in and I explained that I, even as an allistic person, prefer to date autistic people because it’s more comfortable for me. I have some theories as to why this is, but I just get along with people on the spectrum way better than with allistic people.

I think it’s mostly that I struggle with reading people as well, but in a different way. My bpd just always makes me assume that people are pissed at me or don’t like me, but otherwise I do very well in social interactions. I don’t really have this problem with my friends, because they’re the type to tell me if I did something that makes them uncomfortable and then we’ll talk it out. Boom, problem solved.

I don’t like when people make a huge deal out of it and refuse to even tell me what’s wrong. It stresses me out severely, especially when I can clearly tell that something is wrong.

Plus most of my interests just tend to overlap with those of autistic people.

Also, I just want to make clear that autism goes far beyond struggling with social interactions or not recognizing sarcasm. And that those things aren’t even true for a lot of autistic people. Don’t worry, I’m aware of these things, I’m just trying to explain why I feel this way as briefly as possible.

But yeah, I just get along better with autistic people and they make me feel more at ease. When I explained this, one of the people on the discord server told me that’s ableist and fetishisizing. Keep in mind, I talked about it in a very innocent way.

I tried to explain that I’ve mostly only had positive experiences with autistic partners, because they didn’t treat me like a demon for having bpd and actually took the time to educate themselves about it and how to help me out when I need it. And I did the same for them in return. It was always a very loving and supportive relationship. Plus, I usually serve as the sarcasm translator for my friends and partner (I don’t have one atm), which I really enjoy doing.

The discord person said it just sounds weird and belittling, which was not my intention at all. Also, they’re not autistic either. Most of my autistic friends that I’ve talked about this with just agreed and told me it’s perfectly understandable.

But it’s still bothering me, so I just wanted to ask some other people. Just to get a feel for how this sort of statement comes across to others. I’d also love to hear from autistic people!

(please don’t try to diagnose me with autism, I’ve gone through multiple tests and it’s very clear that I’m not on the spectrum)

tl;dr - I, an allistic guy, said I prefer autistic partners because it’s more comfortable for me and another allistic person said it’s weird and ableist.

So, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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bookuce · 3 months

Text

Fools Rush In

SUMMARY: Nessa wasn’t looking for love, neither was Joe, but when you know, you know. Isn’t it funny how fate work?

*DISCLAIMER: This is a multi-part series. I do not own any of the characters in the writing except for the OCs. The book uses actual names of wrestlers. Josh is Jey, Jon is Jimmy, Trinity is Naomi, Joe is Roman. The book is not realistic and does not take place during real events, but some actual events (matches, storylines) could pop up in the story eventually. I DO NOT GIVE ANYONE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE OR REPOST MY WRITINGS ANYWHERE. THAAAAAANKS. *

PAIRING: Roman Reigns x Black OC

TROPE: Love At First Sight

WARNINGS: N/A

WORD COUNT: 3,659

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

Nessa’s Uber stopped in front of the InterContinental Hotel of Miami. A valet driver approached her door, opening it for her to step out. “Good evening, miss.” The Valet greets her with a smile. Slowly, she steps out of the car, her head tilting back to take in its size. It was nothing short of luxurious—which made sense for Joe to stay there.

“Yeah, hi.” She says, slightly turning her head to acknowledge the man. When he noticed she had no bags, he would move off to the side, his arms clasping behind his back. She ascended the granite steps to the glass doors, where a doorman stood by to open the door for her. “Thank you.” She says, briefly glancing at the doorman. She walks into the hotel lobby, her eyes wide with amazement. She’s never been in something so grand before. She expected them to start charging her for even breathing the air here.

“Good evening, ma’am.” The concierge clerk greets her with a smile from behind her desk. “May I help you?” She asks. Nessa forces herself to look away from the grandness of the lobby, walking over to the employee.

“Um, I’m looking for Joe?” She asks. The woman’s smile falters slightly, and she leans in a bit. She was going to need a little more than just a first name. Joe was a typical name to have, and without a last name, she couldn’t help her.

“Last name?” She presses. It was then Nessa realized she never got his last name. Joe was simply Joe to her.

“I don’t know…we met earlier tonight—he invited me here.” She explains, slightly shaking her head. “I can describe him?” She suggests. “He’s tall,” She lifts her hand above her head a few inches. “About yay high, bearded. He has long hair, but it’s tied back in a tight bun. Really, super attractive and—.”

“Super attractive, huh?” An amused voice says from behind her. Nessa becomes incredibly still, her eyes widening. She was busted. Slowly, she turns around, coming face-to-face with Joe. He was standing a couple of feet away, two bags in his hands. He had just gotten their food from a delivery driver. There was a grin that matched his tone of voice on his lips.

“Um,” She drifts off, becoming silent.

Though she remembered who she had seen earlier, he appeared to her now an entirely different person. The hairs in his bun threaten to leave the up-do, beginning to stand wildly on his head. The suit was gone, now replaced with a tight black shirt and dark grey sweats. It was giving ‘I just rolled out of bed’ but in the best way. Her eyes would flicker down to his heavily tattooed right arm. She couldn’t examine it for too long without being caught ogling him. He glances past her at the concierge clerk, lifting his brows slightly with a nod. “She’s with me.” He tells them, his gaze then shifting to his date for the night. He gestures with his head for her to walk with him, which she does.

“So this place is nice,” Nessa mentions, trying to create small talk.

“Yeah, it’s alright.” He replies. He’s been to better, but he wouldn’t say that out loud. He didn’t want to come off arrogant to her. “How was your ride over here, though?”

“It was fine.” She answers. The Uber Black he ordered for her wasn’t necessary, but she wouldn’t dare tell him that. Obviously, he had money, so who was she to advise him how to spend it? She walked with him over to the elevator. “Thank you for that, by the way.” She says quietly.

“You’re welcome.” He says, reaching out to press the button to call the elevator. The lift would ding and then open, “After you.” He says, gently swinging one of the waffle house bags towards the inside. Vanessa followed his orders, quickly moving into the elevator. He followed behind her, his eyes fixed on the back of her head. Once inside, they both would turn to face the doors. Where Nessa was staring ahead with nervousness apparent on her face, Joe wore a big smile. He was happy she was here. She was, too. She’s still in disbelief that she chose not to be a coward for once.

Joe presses the R button for the rooftop, prompting the doors to close and the lift to ascend the building. Nessa would glance at him, taking a second to admire his side profile. His ears, though large, fit him perfectly. His nose was straight, his cheekbones high. On those cheekbones, there were faint speckles of pigment. He was perfect. She was now back to questioning his profession. Model? He has to be. Feeling her gaze on him, Joe looks in her direction. Nessa quickly looked away, but it was too late. He had caught her staring.

Now, it was his turn to admire her. Her face was small, but her features were the perfect size. Her nose was small but curved out to accentuate the fullness of her lips. Full lashes hid her almond-shaped eyes, but when she looked at him, he could tell they were soft and full of innocence—at least to Joe, they were. Even in this relaxed state, she was drop-dead gorgeous to him. Her hair was in a messy bun on top of her head. The black hoodie she wore was oversized, swallowing her frame.

The elevator dings, letting them know they have reached their destination. The doors open, revealing an empty Olympic-size pool with plenty of vacant chairs lining the sides. “I got us over here.” He says, leading them beyond the pool area onto green turf. Nessa was walking behind him, still taking in the sights around her. She’s never seen the skyline of Miami from this point. The sound of waves crashing against a concrete path down below soothed her. Altogether, it was a vibe.

Joe stopped in front of his setup, and Nessa didn’t notice. She collided with his back, prompting him to turn to look over his shoulder. “You good?” He asks, laughing softly at her.

“Sorry, I wasn’t—.” She mutters, her eyes finding the scene on the faux grass before her. “Oh,” She breathes. Her reaction was everything Joe hoped it would be. He steps to the side, allowing her to take it all in. He had set up a picnic spot for them. Decorative pillows lined a white comforter spread neatly on the ground. On the comforter was a small table with an ice bucket, wine, and two crystal glasses.

“The hotel helped me put this together. It was the best they could do with forty minutes, but I think it’s okay.” He glances at her, trying to gauge her feelings off her facial reaction. “What do you think?” He asks. She looks at him, a soft smile on her face.

“It’s perfect. Less is more.” She answers. He’d match her soft smile, now kicking off his slippers.

“Then let’s eat.” He says, moving onto the cushioned pallet. She removes her shoes, stepping on the back of the heel to take them off. Her feet would sink into the prickliness of the turf before she sat down next to him. He was opening their bags and removing their to-go boxes from the bag. “Steak and waffles for the lady.” He says, passing off the container. “I told them to include A1—just in case you needed it.” Though Waffle House was a great late-night meal, it can be a hit-or-miss.

“Thank you.” She says, giving him a small smile.

Nessa and Joe would spend the entire meal asking questions about each other. She’d discovered he was Samoan, which would explain the beautiful tattoo she’d been staring at all night. He’d find out Vanessa was the eldest sibling of three. She’d learn he was an athlete but hadn’t played football in several years. He’d learn that she was a well-established photographer and had dreams of one day opening a studio. Now, he was overseeing the family business with his two cousins. He didn’t talk about the family business, but that was all for good reason.

He noticed something about her earlier that made him want to know her even more. Nessa didn’t know who he was before he approached her, and he appreciated it. To her, he was just another man. Something about not being recognized as one of the most prominent faces in Sports Entertainment was refreshing to him.

The pair finished their meal within thirty minutes of sitting down. Now, they were talking over a glass of wine. They lay on their sides facing each other, their elbows propped to hold up their upper bodies. “So, have you checked in with your cousins you abandoned?” She asks, peering down at her smartwatch. Joe snorts at the mention of his cousins. He’d forgotten all about them. “It’s three in the morning.” She informs him.

“I have their locations.” He says, pulling out his phone. He had hoped they made it back to the hotel and nowhere else, or this night would be cut short. When Josh and Jon’s location appeared at the hotel, he sighed softly. “They made it back in one piece.” He informs her.

“What are they like?” She asks, now curious about his family. His eyebrows jump at the question, and he takes a deep breath.

“They’re a lot. Luckily, Jon got his wife Trinity to keep him grounded nowadays.” He explains.

“And Josh?”

“It’s complicated with him.” There is a girl his cousin is interested in, but they are in a weird spot. He has his hopes for them, though. But he and Josh are the single ones in the group. “He’s trying to find a way out of the friend zone.” Nessa would bare her teeth at Joe, sucking in a breath through them in a hiss.

“Ouch,”

“I know, right? I admire his dedication, though.” He says, shaking his head slightly.

“I guess that runs in the family, then.” She says.

“What?” He asks.

“Being dedicated.” She replies. Joe looks up at her, those dark eyes finding her own. “Seeing that I’m here right now.” She adds.

“We were always taught that if we want something, we should go after it. No matter what it takes.” He explains. The pair would grow silent, eyes locked on eyes. There was heat building in Nessa’s chest at the sight of this man. Her anxiety was no longer a factor, thanks to the glass of wine she’d been sipping. That heat would spread throughout her body but make itself known in her ears. Why was it hot all of a sudden? Was it the wine? It had to be the wine. Red wine always did this to her.

“Is that what you’re doing?” She asks finally.

“Mhm.” He hums.

His gaze would become too much for her, her body feeling as if it was on fire. She begins to fan herself, taking a deep breath. “Is it hot up here to you?” She asks, her brows furrowed slightly. He chuckles softly at her.

“Might have something to do with the hoodie.” He says, plucking at the baggy sleeve with his thumb and index finger. “Although it looks comfortable, you can always take it off.” He says lowly. Where the wine was making Nessa hot, it was making Joe more confident than before. Her eyes would find his once more when he mentions her removing the article of clothing. Suddenly, she couldn’t remember if she had anything on underneath this hoodie besides her bra.

“I-I don’t have a shirt on beneath this.” She admits. He lifts his eyebrows at her. Perhaps that was too much information. “I mean—I have a bra on, it’s just—.” She stammers.

“This is the shirt. I get it.” He finishes for her. She’d nods, her eyes closing as she mentally kicked herself for the word vomit she spewed. “We can go in then?” He suggests. Joe begins to push himself up, sitting upright in front of her. “Get you some cool air, maybe an actual shirt?” He jokes.

“No, no, it’s fine.” She says, holding up her hand. Her eyes shift from him to the glowing blue pool across the way. She was now pushing herself to sit up. “Question.” She says.

“Answer.” He replies, watching the side of her face.

“Do you swim?” She’d ask, turning to look at him. She’d meet his intense gaze, her heart jumping at the sight.

Joe’s eyes would drift off from hers, now watching the large pool in the open. “You want to swim?” He asks. She grins at his question, now moving to stand to her feet. She’d down the last gulp of wine in her glass before leaning down to put it on the tray.

“Yep,” She breathes, now walking away from her date. Joe watches after her, his eyes immediately finding the first section of skin she exposed while removing her hoodie. Nessa hooks her thumbs into her sweatpants and yank them down. There she was, standing in a matching black Calvin Klein set. Nessa eyes the water, taking a slow breath in. “Here we go,” She whispers, closing her eyes. She didn’t know what she was doing anymore and had the wine to thank for that.

Joe’s eyes scanned her semi-clad body one last time before slowly moving to stand to his feet. She’d kicked the two articles of clothing to the side before reaching up to pull her hair from that messy bun. It’ll fall effortlessly to frame her face and cover her shoulders. She finally opens her eyes, now backing away from the edge. She was about to dive in and wanted a running start. Mentally, she prayed she didn’t trip on the way in. To embarrass herself in front of such an absolute man would be a death sentence to her. That was just her being dramatic. Joe hadn’t moved to remove any of his clothes just yet. He was in a trance he couldn’t seem to break.

This woman was captivating to him and somehow unknowingly unique. The way she talked reminded him of himself. She never wants to receive recognition and deflects praise of any kind. Such a humble and down-to-earth woman she is. She was quiet for the most part, making it known that she was listening to him. She was what he liked precisely. He would be honest; he thought he’d never see her again after tonight. His mind kept telling him that maybe she gave him the wrong number and maybe, just maybe, she thought he was weird for approaching her while she was out with her friend. But something told him—no, urged him to call her, and here she was, standing on the rooftop of his hotel with him at three in the morning.

He should really stop being pessimistic.

If he was truly Roman Reigns, this night would have gone differently. It wouldn’t be her on this rooftop with him, though—no, it’ll probably be some typical woman looking for a one-night stand, some easy picking, someone who knew Roman and wanted to fulfill a fantasy. He’d treat her to a night of great sex and then send her packing before the sun was up. That was what Roman would do.

But he wasn’t Roman. His name was Joe.

Nessa takes off, throwing her body into the pool’s deep end. The water would splash around her, leaping out and onto the concrete Joe stood on. She would allow herself to sink briefly before swimming back to the top. Her head would break the surface as Nessa sucked air into her lungs. She lifts a hand, ridding her eyes of the salt water she floated in. Joe stood at the edge of the water, still watching her.

“How’s it feel?” He asks, smiling slightly at her.

“Eh, it’s alright.” She answers. “It would probably be better if you got in.” She says, cutting her eyes up at him with a grin. She begins to float backward, allowing the giant man the space to jump in, all while still holding his gaze. She was like a mermaid trying to lure an unsuspecting victim into the water. “Take it off, take it off, take it off!” She cheers, causing Joe’s smile to grow in size.

“Alright, alright,” He says, waving his hand at her. “That’s enough of that.” He finishes, ridding himself of his shirt in an impressive one-arm swoop. Unashamedly, Nessa allows her eyes to take in the godly physique of the man standing before her. The arm tattoo had become an entire chest piece resembling armor, making him look as powerful as ever. He’s begun pushing his sweatpants down, revealing red briefs. Nessa would whistle at him, causing him to laugh and shyly turn away. “You’re making this extremely hard.” He says, no pun intended.

“I’m just trying to hype you up.” She says with a grin. His hands go up to the bun on his head to remove his hair tie. Long black, wavy locks would drop, remaining pushed out of his face. He wrapped the hair tie around his wrist, now repeating the same steps Vanessa did. Joe backs up a few paces before charging at the pool. He leaps in, pulling his legs to his chest. His splash would be significantly larger, drenching his swimming partner in the escaping water. She’d squeal, turning to shield her face from the impact.

Joe would pop back up, shaking the water from his hair like a dog. “Happy now?” He asks, splashing water at her with his arm. She turns to face him again, laughing softly at his playfulness.

“Very,” She says, splashing him back. “The water suddenly feels a hell of a lot better.” She confesses. As time progressed, Nessa became increasingly flirtatious—again, she had the wine to thank for that. Joe would drift toward her, but she would drift away teasingly.

“Come here,” He requests.

“What is it?” She asks, floating back to him. Beneath the water, his arms would wrap around her, pulling her to his body. Her heart rate would soar at the feel of his hands on her body, causing her slight pain. She gasps softly in response before quickly recovering and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. They’d spin slowly, eyes watching eyes. Joe doesn’t say anything; he watches her silently through half-open eyes. There was a faint grin on his lips. “What?” She asks, hoping he’ll say something finally.

Being this close to him, having his hands on her like this, was suffocating in the best way for Nessa. The longer he remained silent, looking at her like this, the harder it was to breathe. She needed a sweet release only his words—his voice could give her right now. “You’re beautiful, Vanessa.” He says, using her full name for the first time.

“I know.” She says before turning her head to laugh. “I’m sorry—I can’t take myself seriously.” She confesses. Her legs tangled with his the longer their spinning went on. Joe watched her with another fascinated grin on his face.

“Hey,” He calls to her. The fingers on his right-hand curl against her skin, drawing her attention back to him. Her body responds to the action, making her press her body to his even more than it already was. “Thank you for coming to see me tonight.” He whispers.

Her eyes lock onto his. “I’m happy I did.” She confesses. Her left-hand tangles in the back of his hair, scratching gently at his nape. He hums at the action, slowly tilting his head to the side. His eyes would venture down to her lips for only a second.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks. Butterflies would fill Nessa at the question, her lips parting as she thought of an answer. “You can say no, I just—.” He pauses. “I’m acting off of feelings—.” Again, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. She presses her index finger to his lips, forcing him to stop talking.

“Shhh…” She says, moving her hand from his lips. She’d cup his jaw, her thumb caressing his cheekbone. “Kiss me, Joe.” She requests in a gentle tone. His dark eyes watched her for a second longer. She, just like him, was acting off feelings. If she was sober, this would be out of the question, but you know what they say: Drunk words are sober thoughts, and she wanted him.

Joe leans in, pressing his lips to hers. The kiss started slow to gauge her feelings about it. Once she began to return it, then and only then did he pick up the tempo. His tongue would find hers, making her moan into the kiss. Remnants of the Cabaret Sauvignon they had drank coated their tongues. If possible, they’d get drunker off this kiss alone. They’d float back toward the pool wall, their mouths still attached. Once Joe’s back and her arm hit the wall, they’d break the kiss, both panting as an aftereffect of such an epic kiss.

Nessa hovered over him, her eyes locked on his once more. She wanted more of him. Vanessa wanted kisses. She wanted touches. Nessa wanted to be groped, marked, to have her name breathed so sweetly in her ear as she drew any and every little moan from his body. It had been entirely too long since the last time she’d been interested in a man physically, mentally, and sexually. The opportunity was presenting itself, so she might as well seize it—and so she did.

The pair would pull each other together in another crushing kiss, sealing their fate for the night and moving forward.

CHAPTER 4

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I've been working on this damn chapter for what feels like forever (literally started it Sunday, I'm just impatient). I shouldn't be awake currently bc I have to work in 3 hours, but here I am...wide awake. The Capricorn in me never allows me to stop something once I finish it. I either will hyperfixate about it the rest of my day, or do something outrageous like stay up till 4 in the morning to finish a chapter. But now that it's finished, I will now slip into a slumber and be pissed off at myself later for doing this to myself lol

K. nighty night or good morning 😭

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notmyneighbor · 25 days

Text

instinct | doppel francis x female reader

rating | explicit

part 4/?

words | 5.3k

cw | sexual content

ao3 link

fanart credit | kri_stasss on X

taglist | | @maskedpacific @dreamndestiny @r-o-s-e-0

Of all the things you might have listed on your Bingo card for this year, sitting on your couch sideways with your bare legs folded over the lap of a doppelganger definitely hadn’t been one of them.

You remark as much as you take another bite of your pizza, watching with equal parts distaste and fascination at how swiftly Francis’ clone has managed to put down three slices already, earning a puzzled look as he kisses an apology on one knee after briefly balancing the paper plate on your unprotected skin. That pie was hot. You’d barely had time to shower before answering the door for the delivery person. Thankfully you’d gotten to slide into comfortable pajamas while your counterpart had made the sacrifice to redress and deal with collecting dinner at the door.

“It’s a list of things that you’re expecting to happen,” you explain, taking a sip of your soda.

“Ah. Well, you can’t predict everything. Patterns change. Routines give way to spontaneity. Speaking of which…”

You groan. “I knew you’d steer things this way. Yes, we should discuss our strategy for the interview tomorrow. Firstly, the setting. If we approach him at school, he won’t be expecting us.”

“True,” the doppel muses, adding another slice to his now empty plate. “But then again, individuals tend to be more relaxed at home. They behave differently in their own environment.”

“That, and I wouldn’t mind getting a look inside, although I doubt he’s going to have anything on display out in the open that would incriminate him, but it would really be nice.” You drop your crust on your plate and dust your fingers off.

“Are you going to finish that?”

“No. You can have it.” You hand your leftovers to the mimic. “Tomorrow night we are eating something healthy come hell or high water.”

A smile twitches on the milkman’s imposter’s lips and your eyes narrow suspiciously. Apparently he didn’t need a translation for this expression.

“What’s that look for?”

“Nothing. Just…you’re already planning on us having dinner together tomorrow.”

“Oh. I mean…it just seems likely.”

“One of your Bingo card items, yes?”

“Hush, you.” You shove his arm playfully.

“So what’s it to be? School or home?”

You chew your bottom lip, considering. “School. Element of surprise might give a better advantage overall. My next question is, do we approach together, or do we keep one member of the team on standby? Once he knows we’re on to him, he’s going to be even more dangerous. It might be better if he didn’t know both of our faces.”

Francis’ clone frowns. “If that’s the case, I’ll be the one doing the interviewing.”

You shake your head. “No. He might be more cocky talking to a female. Thinking he’s got an advantage.”

“Or he might clam up and not talk at all. He’s dangerous. I don’t think you should be there by yourself.”

“Not any less dangerous for you.”

“Together, then?”

“Together.”

“Alright. And then I want to revisit the murder scenes. I know they’ve been combed over, but I feel like we’re missing something. After that we need to touch base with the Chief.”

“Sounds like a solid plan.” The doppel wipes his fingers off on a napkin and then eases back further against the couch cushions, resting one palm against your knee, tracing small circles along your skin. The activities of the day have finally taken their toll on you and you feel your eyelids getting heavy. “Time for bed?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. Let’s go.”

You sigh, shifting your legs over the side of the couch and standing, tidying up the living room before following the doppelganger back into your bedroom. He’s already begun shedding his clothing again, stripping down to his underwear, then settling onto the newly changed bed linens.

“There is nothing better than fresh sheets,” you sigh contentedly as you join him, leaning over to switch off the lamp on the nightstand.

“I can think of a few things,” he murmurs. “But I agree, it is pleasant.”

You tuck your face against the doppel’s shoulder. “Shit. I forgot to set the alarm.”

“Already done.”

“Oh, good.” You sigh again. It’s been awhile since you’ve shared a bed with someone. It feels nice having an arm curled around you, even if it belongs to a replicant. “Need to stop by the laundromat tomorrow to wash the comforter. Maybe we could do that in between errands.” You yawn, the sound freezing midway. “Francis,” you whisper.

“What?”

“The laundromat.” Your head lifts. You can’t see him in the darkness, but you know his eyes are on you. “What if the suspect was there doing laundry?”

“Okay, say he was. It’s self service. No way to prove he was there.”

“Maybe there was a reason he was in all of the places individuals were murdered. Doing errands.”

“Some of the sites were homes, though.”

“So maybe he followed them back. Maybe he was somewhere else, first. With them. And he targeted them.” You struggle to sit up, suddenly alert again, switching the light back on.

The cloned milkman rubs at his eyes. “I thought we were going to sleep. We can pick this up tomorrow.”

“We will, I just…” You lean back over, dragging a pad of paper and a pen from the top drawer of the nightstand. “Give me another one of the locations. The residences.”

Francis’ copy rakes a hand through his hair, frowning as he tries to recall the information. “Twenty eight Elm?”

“Twenty seven,” you correct absently. “Yes. All houses in that area, except…there’s a convenience store here.” You quickly sketch a series of squares meant to be houses and lines for roads, then point to one of the boxes.

The doppel shifts to sit up beside you, observing your drawing. “Okay. Possible. We can swing by and show a photo to the clerk. What about the other sites?”

One by one you brainstorm each location. Here, a barber shop two blocks away. There, an auto mechanic on the road just behind. There is also a coffee shop open twenty four hours a day within reasonable distance of another scene.

“This is it. The locations aren’t random. He was at each of them. We can prove some of it, at least. Someone has to remember him.”

“Good. Still not concrete evidence, though.”

“No, it’s not.” You tap the edge of the writing utensil against the page. “The most vicious attack to date was that one at the laundromat. There has to be something there.”

“We’ll go and check it out. Tomorrow,” he emphasizes, reaching for the pen and paper and tossing them onto the top of the nightstand. “Now it’s time for rest.”

“Alright,” you grumble reluctantly. You know you’re right about this. The certainty has you in its grip and you’re not even sure if you’ll be able to sleep now, but you turn the lamp back off and settle next to your partner again. “What happened to your self proclaimed superior stamina?”

“It’s still there. Is that a challenge, sweetheart? You still hungry for more?”

“Are you?”

“As I’ve already told you. We’re always hungry.” His mouth finds yours in the darkness.

***

Your suspect, as it turns out, has a free period right after lunch. The perfect time for an interview.

The prospect of finally meeting the man face to face makes you nervous with anticipation. You fuss with your clothing until Francis’ clone settles his warm palm over your restless fingers. He offers a small smile and you nod, inhaling deeply.

At last the receptionist returns from her break to guide you to the classroom where the man is, apparently shunning the company of the rest of the faculty occupying the break room in favor of consuming the midday meal alone. He looks unfazed at being interrupted, gesturing to a pair of seats across from his desk but you politely decline, passing the wall with its periodic table of elements and a chalkboard that needs a proper wipe down to flash your badge while your partner mirrors your movements and then steps back, his arm pressed near yours. He’s entirely too close, but you’re grateful for the comfort.

The first thing you notice about William Afton are his eyes.

Pale, dead, like a shark’s eyes. They make your skin crawl. His dark hair has a tidy side part, the lenses of his glasses are rectangular and rather petite for his features, and the fingers that clear his desk blotter of the packaging that had housed his lunch are long and slender and particularly well manicured. Does he scrub those trimmed, smooth nails after his crimes, being careful to wipe away evidence, erasing skin and blood and gore?

“How can I be of assistance, detectives?”

His voice is smooth like river rocks, deep like the ocean. You feel the undercurrent of it tugging you along. An entire lecture from this man’s lips must be something to behold.

“As I’m sure you’re aware, the recent brutal sweep of murders have prompted an investigation. We’ve been able to narrow down the killer’s radius and identified potential targets.”

You’d discussed how best to introduce the situation beforehand, wanting to see how the man would react. His features remain frustratingly placid, revealing nothing of his thoughts.

“You think I’m a target? I wasn’t aware the police had progressed so far in their pursuit. I’ve seen very little updates in the newspapers or television broadcasts.”

“So you’re following the case, then?”

“Well, you can hardly expect any citizen not to. Not when the threat is so close to home.”

“Have you noticed anything unusual in your neighborhood lately? Any sightings of someone you don’t recognize?”

Afton withdraws a Manila folder from one of his drawers and sets it on top of his desk, choosing a red pen from the mug nearby and then laying it on top of the closed file. His eyes flick from yours to the doppelganger’s. “I don’t spend much time outdoors, but no, I haven’t seen anyone suspicious. Is there someone I should be on the lookout for? Have any witnesses come forward?”

“I’m afraid not,” you lie. “We haven’t been able to narrow down our list of potential suspects just yet.”

“That explains the lack of updates on the news,” he remarks drily. “Well, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be more helpful. I wish you luck on your search. If you’ll excuse me, I do have some exams to grade.”

“We won’t take up much more of your time,” you interject. You feel the imposter’s body stiffen beside you. You’re going off script. “Just to clarify a few points. We’ve been trying to ascertain where members of the community were in relation to the attack sites. I realize a series of dates thrown at you won’t immediately trigger a recollection of where you were at the time, so we’ll keep it to just one for now, the most recent one last week: the laundromat. Do you remember where you were that afternoon?”

The teacher drums his fingers on top of the folder, regarding you. “I’ve no need to use their services. I have my own appliances at my residence.”

“Do you recall where you were that day, though? It was a Saturday,” you remind him.

“Probably doing some chores at home. My day off,” he elaborates. “You know how it is. Getting caught up on things you can’t do during the week.”

You nod. “Of course.”

His fingers still. “It sounds as if you're screening me as a potential suspect, not a possible witness,” he observes.

“Not at all. Just trying to place where everyone was. Hoping to maybe find someone that might have heard or seen something and not even realized it yet.”

“Grasping at straws, then. You really don’t have any leads.” Now there is an unmistakable hint of contempt in the teacher’s tone.

You frown, about to reply, but Francis’ doppel speaks first. “We can’t discuss certain aspects of the case with the general public. But rest assured we will find the person responsible.”

The seated man’s lips twitch in an almost but not quite smile.

“You live alone, Mr. Afton, is that correct?”

The mocking, satisfied look fades from his lips. “Yes. What does that have to do with anything?”

You feel the politeness shifting to wariness and you work quickly to shift the conversation to a close before he grows suspicious. “Just verifying our information. We recommend you keep your doors and windows locked and that you’re aware of your surroundings.”

“I had no intention of doing otherwise.”

“Right. Well, that should be all for now. If you think of anything that might be helpful, don’t hesitate to contact the station.”

“Do you have a business card?”

“Oh. Yes, here.”

Your partner intervenes then, swiftly extracting a card from his wallet and handing it to the seated man. You recognize the gesture for what it is: he’s trying to protect you.

“Thank you for your cooperation.”

“Of course. Good luck, detectives.”

You actually shiver once your leave the classroom and begin walking down the corridor. You feel like you’ve just touched something slimy. “He’s dirty, Francis.”

“I agree. He’s definitely suspicious. What was that back there? You didn’t stick to our plan.”

“I was trying to draw him out. Wanted to see how he’d react. I know it was a gamble. I just needed to prod him a bit.”

You descend the staircase leading to the front entrance of the high school campus and slide behind the wheel of your car. “I want to start hitting up those local businesses. See if we can place him anywhere near those murder sites.”

By late afternoon you have some successful witnesses to Afton’s presence in three of the locations. He’s a regular at the convenience store and the coffee shop, and he’s been to the auto body shop within the last month.

You save the laundromat for last, entering the alley and scanning the ground and the sides of the neighboring buildings, holding a hand to your nostrils to block the odor. “Man, what are people tossing in here? It reeks.”

The doppelganger takes a few steps further in, his eyes sweeping the narrow space. You stomp your foot in frustration, turning back to face the street when your eyes fall on the dumpsters again. “Francis.”

“What is it? Got something?”

“Your doppel acquaintance said he was tucked behind the rubbish container to shield what he was doing.”

“Yes.”

“Ripping the body to shreds with the replicant claws he’d borrowed.”

“Correct.”

You glance at your partner. “So that’s got to leave a huge mess behind. It’s not precise like using a weapon.”

“But the site has already been searched. There weren’t any prints. No DNA from the killer.”

“Do you think anyone checked underneath the dumpsters? They’re on wheels. Not flush with the ground.”

The mimic tips his head to one side thoughtfully. “Probably not. You want me to scout around down there?”

“I think it’s worth it.”

“You owe me a shower session after this,” he mumbles, kneeling on the asphalt and then lowering his upper body until he can peer underneath. He reaches into his pocket for a tiny flashlight on his keyring, shining the beam around, suddenly freezing. “I think I see something. Got an evidence bag handy?”

“Yeah, in the car. Hang on.” You quickly retrieve the bag and return to Francis’ clone, hoping you’re finally about to catch a break on the case with some concrete evidence. “Here.”

You watch as he withdraws a pen from his shirt pocket, hearing him scrape something into the evidence container before he straightens, holding up his prize. There’s a shirt button inside, a tiny clear plastic disc smudged with a dark stain.

“Oh shit, look at that.”

“Could belong to anyone. Can’t tell if that’s dirt or what.”

“It could be his, though. And that could be blood. We gotta drop this off with Forensics. Good job, Francis.”

“It was your idea. You deserve partial credit at least.” He pushes himself to his feet, dusting his hands off after he hands you the bag. “After that, can we do dinner? I’m starving.”

“What else is new?” You tease, then your expression softens. “Yeah, we can stop at the store to pick up some things on the way back.”

“Want to stay at my place tonight?”

“Okay.” You return to the car, wondering what Francis’ residence might look like. You try to imagine the doppel apartment hunting, furnishing his home, and it makes you smile again.

“You’re in a good mood,” he observes with a fond smile of his own.

“I feel like we made progress today. It feels good,” you concede.

“We did make progress. We’re an effective team.” He leans closer, his voice lowering. “I don’t want to touch you with dirty hands, so I’ll settle for a kiss instead. I miss that mouth.”

You allow yourself one brief brush against his lips before starting the car. You’re craving his touch more than you’re admitting. The case had been distracting you, but now that your work is almost finished, your thoughts are wandering. You squirm a little in your seat and the movement doesn’t go unnoticed by your passenger.

“Getting a little restless, honey? Don’t worry. I’ll fill you right up again.”

“Francis,” you murmur, a warm ache filling your lower belly.

“I told you, you’re mine. Going to fuck you senseless later,” he promises.

You don’t obey the speed limit for the rest of the drive.

***

After a brief stop by the police station to drop off the evidence (and a quick trip to the bathroom so the replicant can wash his hands) you bring your partner to the grocery store. Baked chicken and vegetables and a white zinfandel sounds like the perfect meal, allowing the doppel to add a ready made frozen cheesecake to the contents of the shopping cart before checking out. You have no idea what kind of provisions the man has in his fridge and cupboards but you’re willing to bet it’s minimal at best. You toss a few seasoning items into the overnight bag along with pajamas and a change of clothes and then you declare that you’re finally ready to return with Francis’ doppel to his apartment, even surrendering the keys and allowing him to drive.

Your jaw drops when you see your partner’s lodgings.

His apartment is in a good part of the city and it’s nicely decorated with modern furnishings and appliances. Far classier and more elegant than your own humble abode.

“How the heck did you manage something like this?” You murmur as you begin unpacking the groceries.

Francis’ clone shrugs. “Kind of lucked out, really. Chief has connections.”

“Sexist jerk,” you mumble. “I knew I was getting robbed.”

“After we solve this case, I’m sure you’ll get a raise,” he says, planting a kiss on your cheek.

“Hmph. Go take your shower and I’ll get dinner started.”

“Alright. Don’t scowl, sweetheart. I like it when you smile so much better.” Another kiss to mollify you. It’s somewhat effective. You find your pleasant mood gradually returning as you begin preparing the meal. You switch on the television in the nearby living room for background noise, listening more attentively when the highlights of the day are recounted. Nothing concerning the case. Your interest fades and you refocus on cooking.

When the doppelganger returns, his damp hair slicked back, wearing only an undershirt and boxers, you find yourself distracted again. You cuddle on the couch until the oven beeps, interrupting kisses and touches that had begun to grow heated.

Once you’re both seated at the kitchen table with plates of steaming hot food in front of you, you hum appreciatively around your first bite, taking a sip from a glass that isn’t intended for wine. It feels silly drinking from the inelegant tumbler but you suppose it really doesn’t matter what container it’s in. “So what do you do after working all day?”

“Not much. Usually just rest on the couch for awhile. Watch television. Go to bed. This is good,” he compliments you as he samples another forkful of seasoned potatoes. “You led me to believe you couldn’t cook.”

“I mean, I can manage a few basic things.”

“You’ll have to teach me. I cannot.”

“I’ve noticed,” you murmur wryly. “You and your take out.”

He shrugs. “It serves its purpose.”

You have a brief thought of what he might have consumed before diverting his meals from humans themselves and your stomach flutters unpleasantly. Did he ever indulge on occassion, unable to resist what he truly craved? You certainly hoped not.

“You’ve got that dark look on your face again,” he observes, gesturing at you with his fork, the tines violently spearing a piece of chicken before he takes a bite.

“Sorry. Just thinking.” You shake your head as if to free your mind of the unsavory thoughts.

“I’m going to grab seconds.”

“Save room for dessert.”

“I will.” He smirks, nudging your leg with his bare foot. “Including you.”

You return the sly grin.

***

You sink into the mattress with a contented sigh.

The sheets have a satisfying crisp, cool feel against your skin. The doppelganger seems bemused by your response, propping up his head on one hand while he lets his fingers skim across your skin. You’ve brushed your teeth and slipped into a satin camisole that had been tucked away at the back of your dresser drawer. You’d worn it a grand total of one time previously, the gesture unappreciated by your ex.

“I like this. Like liquid. Reminds me of the ocean,” he murmurs, caressing the curve of one breast through the teal colored fabric.

“You like the beach?”

“The sea. Yes, I think it’s beautiful. There’s a kind of calm there. The magnitude of that expanse should be daunting, but I find it soothing instead.” He’s found your nipple, the pad of his middle finger drawing tiny circles over the pebbling flesh.

“We should go together sometime.”

“I’d like that.” One last stroke and then he shifts to the opposite mound, repeating the same process. You squirm a little beneath his touch, both impatient for him to go further and content to allow this gentle exploration to continue. His head finally lifts from its support and he bends to kiss your chest just above the neckline of your gown, eyes flicking up to your face, the faintest smile ghosting his lips before his thumb slips beneath the strap of your lingerie and slides it over your shoulder. He kisses that joint with the same reserved pressure, another soft graze before he tugs at the neckline of your nightie and his tongue rasps across your exposed nipple.

“Francis…”

He suckles now, a quick pull between his lips, and you torso shifts restlessly, your fingers sinking into his hair.

“I can give it to you however you want. Hard or soft. Fast or slow.” He climbs over you, his face dipping until it hovers just above yours, his dark eyes burning into you. “I can be whatever you want. Whatever you need.” He kisses your mouth, then draws back to study your features. “What’s it to be tonight, sweetheart?”

You’re still feeling buzzed from the wine. You wonder if he isn’t feeling the effects too. Or maybe the doppels metabolized alcohol differently. You trace his lips and follow the arch of his cheekbone and a sigh escapes him, warm against your skin. “I don’t even know how to respond to that,” you reply dazedly. “I’ve never had anyone offer…”

“You’ve no idea how you make me feel, do you?” His hips press down against yours and you gasp at the feel of his erection but then he surprises you by taking your hand and pressing it against his chest, when the heart beating within that cavity feels so familiar, so like your own, an answering echo between you.

You want to say it’s too soon, that the feelings are being mistaken, guided by hormones, infatuation and lust driving emotions, but that slight tremor along his jaw, that flutter of his lashes before his mouth rejoins yours feels so raw, so sincere. You want to be reckless like that, just give yourself over, but that wall is still there, trying to shield you from any more hurt. There’s only one way this can go. You can’t have feelings for him. He’s your work partner. He’s not even human.

“I’m not going anywhere. This case ends, whatever happens, I’m still going to be with you. I want to make you forget everyone that’s ever hurt you. Will you allow me to do that for you?”

“Oh, Francis, I want to.”

“Let me in, honey. Let me in. Let me in,” he croons against your ear, stroking you hip and nudging aside the satin, fingers stuttering, surprised to find you’ve skipped wearing panties. You hadn’t seen the point. This was always going to be the end result of your evening together. Inevitable.

“Francis…”

“Hummm…fuck,” he growls when he wedges between your parted legs and inserts himself into your body, a slow thrust up and his mouth crushing down. You whimper and roll your pelvis to meet his. Still sore from the previous evening but you welcome the intrusion, the stretch and fill, the ache and pleasure being joined with the replicant brings. “You like it?”

“Yes,” you huff between kisses. His pace is still slow, plunging deep, gradually retreating, shoved back forward, then withdrawing. No signs of what really lies beneath tonight, just the mortal form of the milkman, though you swear you can still feel the mimic regardless, a kind of vibration palpable beneath the human skin that conceals him, as if it’s struggling to break free.

It should terrify you, and yet it doesn’t; there’s an odd sort of thrill at the knowledge, at the memory. You already know a little of what he’s capable of. You have no doubt he could fuck you for hours, straight ‘til dawn, leaving you absolutely ravaged and you want that; crave that kind of wild abandon and surrender.

How sweet his promises sound when he offers you this spot in his bed permanently while his cock begins pummeling you more insistently, nudging at your insides; when he talks about bringing you to the shoreline, to listen to the waves crash, to feel the wind in your hair and taste the salt on your skin. He’s meant to be a deceiver; you know it, but it sounds so sincere and you want to believe him. You want…

“Francis,” you gasp, the first rolls of bliss thundering through you, catching you off guard, your nails digging into his skin.

“Good girl,” he hums. “My good girl. Mine.”

You find you don’t mind the praise as much now, letting it roll over you just like the beads of perspiration dripping down your brow, sliding between your colliding bodies.

He’s beside you now, outside your body, looking at you with those hungry eyes, touching you with careful fingers. You find yourself climbing over him, kissing your way down his chest, sucking along the crest of one hip, your eyes meeting his before you divert to the middle, licking a stripe along his cock, your taste heavy on him, still slick with your juices, with the precum that leaks from the head. Your mouth waters and you push your lips over the flushed crown, eliciting a little hiss and moan. It’s more than you can comfortably take, your gag reflex already straining, but you’re determined, alternating between impaling your throat several times and then gasping for air, slathering your saliva over his prick. He assists you the next time, his fingers buried in your hair, gripping your head, holding you in place. For a panicked moment you struggle, eyes watering, and then he releases you. You hold yourself there for a moment longer before surrendering and you hear a soft, pleased chuckle rumbling from your lover.

“So stubborn,” he murmurs. “But I knew you could do it. You’ll choke down my real cock too, one of these nights.” His thumb presses along your bottom lip and then shoves inside your mouth, dragging along the carpet of your tongue. “What a fucking wonder you are.”

Straddling the doppel, you bend down to kiss his mouth, wet and sloppy, a thread of spit linking rosy wedges before he slurps it up, head lifting to recapture your mouth. Your palm rests at the base of his throat and he covers it with his own, squeezing lightly. “You can be rough with me, honey. I’m not going to break. Use me. Do whatever you want to me.”

You inhale deeply, holding your own breath while you restrict his. You’re still not confident, releasing your hold abruptly and gasping in a lungful of air. “A work in progress,” you concede, shifting your attention now to guiding him back inside of you.

“You’re so brave,” he hums, his hips lifting as you grind down and oh, is it nice, sitting on that fat cock, rocking back and forth with shallow, teasing little motions while your lips worship his features, moving from cheek to jaw to neck then back to his mouth again. “So brave, and clever, and beautiful.”

“I don’t know about that last one.”

“Only the last one?” He nips your earlobe playfully. “You are.”

“Why are you so good at pillowtalk?” You don’t want to admit there’s a little flair of jealousy hidden in those lightly uttered words. You don’t want to think about him being intimate with other people, humans or doppels.

“I just say what I feel. Uninhibited. You should try it.”

“That’s not how humans operate. If everyone just said whatever they were thinking…”

“What would happen? Would the world come to an end?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. Maybe.” You lean back, now grinding down in earnest, clutching the hands he offers, using them to support you. “You really could do this for hours, couldn’t you?”

He smirks. “Yes.”

“No bullshit bragging?”

“No bullshit bragging.”

“Fuck.”

“Mmm-hmm.” His eyes flash and he slams his hips upward, knocking the breath from your lungs.

“Show off,” you pant.

“I’m actually displaying tremendous restraint right now.” Another sharp roll of his pelvis.

“What are you holding back from doing?”

“Oh, honey, that’s a dangerous question and you know it.” He sits up, wrapping an arm around your lower spine, keeping you impaled on him while he maneuvers you back beneath him. Your heels dig into the dimples above his buttocks as he resumes fucking into you. That humming sensation along his skin is stronger now, a more violent rattle as the monster within tries to shake itself free. “I won’t let it out unless you ask,” he whispers. You nod, then murmur your assent. “Are you certain?”

“I want you.”

A heavy exhale. The skin beneath your fingers ripples. You feel it inside of you first, that doppel’s cock stretching and uncoiling and spearing you deeper. His tongue is next, curling around your ear, slipping down your neck and teasing your shoulder before disappearing back behind rows of sharp teeth. His claws have returned too, digging into your skin. His eyes are the last to shift, transforming into hypnotic pools that you can’t look away from. Even still, you know this isn’t everything he’s concealing; he’s still being cautious. Gauging what you’ll tolerate.

“One day,” he says, as if sensing your thoughts. His voice has become rougher, raspier, sawing over your lips before he parts them, cleaving with that wicked tongue. His claws sink into your hair, wrenching your head back, just enough for you to feel a slight burn near the roots before he relaxes his grip, soothing kisses exchanging for probing muscle. “You already have me. You know that. Ruined me for anyone else.” Inside your core, he reaches all the most sensitive places. A flutter starts low in your belly. At the feeling. At his words. “Let me in,” he says, and you realize he doesn’t mean the union of your bodies.

The barrier you’d constructed so carefully, shored up for so long, now steadily crumbling.

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sunlightmurdock · 1 year

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The Odyssey | 0.5 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader (18+)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

You leave Como, your arrival in Verona is going to make the rest of the trip much more complicated.

Warnings: enemies to lovers, power imbalance, professor / student relationship, age gap ( 22 / 33), will be smut, virgin reader, swearing, infidelity, bickering and teasing, extremely suggestive, somewhat graphic towards end, minors dni. WC: 5.8k

…

You’re driving him fucking crazy. You’re spending far too much time together. The worst part? — You’re actually listening to him now. No, the worst part about that is that you’ll listen to what he tells you, but you’re still giving him all of that fucking attitude about it.

The two of you have spent so much time together, in fact, that Bradley didn’t get another chance to get Natasha alone. It’s for the best, because she actually smiles and waves him off when he leaves this time. Normally, they’ve argued by now. He never moved on and she’s not coming back — the usual kind of stuff.

Today, she had stretched up onto her tiptoes and draped her arms around his thick shoulders, exhaling calmly against the warm skin of his neck. “We’re looking forward to seeing you again next year, Bradley.”

And then, she had taken a step back and entwined her fingers with her husbands. And Bradley hadn’t said anything. He’d looked the woman that he spent so long loving in the eye, and said absolutely nothing. And now, he’s sitting on a packed minibus to a different location, with nothing but you on his mind.

In a professional sense of course.

It’s professional, because he’s sitting here and watching you read the play that he gave you. It’s from the Gracchan period, a time where social mobility was a big focus, but the play itself is by a very wealthy man — making fun of that. It’s about a girl from a poor family of farmers who falls in love with a very powerful man in their town.

Bradley’s eyes scan the page, then flicker up to your face. Your brows are furrowed in concentration, the small playbook open against one thigh and your dictionary wedged open between yours and Bradley’s. You’re just past the first act.

“I don’t… she…?” You shake your head in confusion, lifting it to look at Bradley. “She wants to belong to him? — Like work for him?”

Bradley’s lips twitch. He gives a small shake of his head, leaning closer and taking the dictionary. He flips around a little, his shoulder pressing into yours. Warm skin, the smell of his cologne, the rumble of the wheels against the uneven road.

Pasquale’s love for the 1970s American rock pours through the car in the form of an Eagles album. Bradley knows which one. You couldn’t have less of a clue.

“She’s saying she wants to give herself to him. Not belong to him.” Bradley explains patiently, turning the book towards you so that you can see the rough translation. It’s an easy mistake to make. That’s why he has you reading the play, so you’ll be able to use the context of the scene to eliminate the mistakes you’re making.

You look up at Bradley briefly. Belong to, give herself to — you’re stuck on how that could possibly not mean the same thing, until it hits you. Give herself to. Her body, she means.

“Oh. Thanks.” You set your headphones back on your ears and turn your attention back to the play. Bradley gives you a curt nod and adjusts his sunglasses. He spreads his thighs just a little. His knee presses gently against yours, not pushing, just sitting there.

You don’t mind it much. But, you’re beginning to notice a pattern. He touches you too much. When you’re studying together, his feet rest on your side of the table, constantly nudging your ankles. He’ll get too close when you’re walking by each other. He’ll sit with his legs spread so far that you’ve got no choice but to let his thigh smush into yours. But, you don’t mind that too much.

What you do mind, is that the man in this book was described briefly in the beginning as having brown curls. And now, now that the protagonist is throwing herself at him, there’s only one person that you’re picturing playing him.

It’s not your fault. He’s arrogant, he mocks her constantly and he’s got brown curls. Sounds like Bradley. Unfortunately, at this moment in time, Bradley’s character is all too willing to make the wrong choice. You swallow softly, brows knitted together as you try to convince yourself that you’ve got the translation wrong.

That his hands aren’t trailing up, under the fabric of his skirt. Your eyes dart from the page to Bradley’s hands resting against his thighs. You study the tanned flesh, the sun-bleached, blonde hair at his wrist. The protruding veins on the back of his hands. The gold class ring on his finger.

Bradley feels you shift in your seat, your thigh knocking into his. He glances down again and quickly back to the road. Those denim cutoffs fit your thighs perfectly. But, he can’t stop himself from taking a peek at your face. Plastered in discomfort.

Maybe he shouldn’t have given you a book with a sex scene in it, but this is mild compared to some of the content in his class. This book is the introduction to virtus versus pudictia. He figures the concept will be something you get your head around pretty quickly. Men doing whatever the fuck they want and women waiting patiently for a husband. Sounds exactly like what you’ve got going on already.

It’s only a three hour drive from Como to Verona, and Bradley’s got prep work for his research here to get done. He sits there and cards through the papers like he’s working, but really he spends most of the journey just observing.

Your reaction to his syllabus irritates him, but intrigues him in a way that he just can’t explain. He wants you to stop being so old-fashioned and wake up to the concept that sex is just a natural part of life — but also, he isn’t used to being around girls like you. He has made a point of surrounding himself with people who are nothing like you.

“Hey, Bradley,” You broach the topic tentatively, and he feels you shift slightly closer to Pasquale. He sighs. You dog-ear the page and close the book of the play. His eyes linger on that, before he finally looks up at you. You shift once more, taking a deep breath before speaking. “So, I spoke to my parents…”

You’re not going home. That wouldn’t make sense. You wouldn’t have just spent three hours giving yourself a headache by trying to read a raunchy Roman play if you were going home. Bradley’s brows draw together. He sets his papers down on his legs.

Pasquale winces as he looks between the two of you — it has been such a smooth drive so far.

“My dad has spoken to the Dean, he wants me to have my own room for the rest of the trip. He’s paying.” You explain calmly, pulling your knees up to your chest and resting your feet against the bench. Dog-earing pages and sitting like a kid, it just doesn’t fit into this image that Bradley has of you in his head.

He scoffs, lips twitching under that stupid moustache. “Of course he is.”

Between the two of you, neither one is really sure what his problem is. Maybe he wants you to be more independent, maybe he just likes the way your face looks when you scowl at him. Either way, he’s an expert at getting under your skin.

“Would you rather pay?” You bite back. Pasquale cringes, leaning away from the two of you. Bradley’s stare is something to behold. He really has perfected it. It’s mean, hardened and it’s superior all at once. And yet, it still doesn’t make him look any less handsome.

“I’d rather that you at least try to get along with the other kids. It would make your life easier.”

“I’m not a kid.”

“You know what I meant.” He knows that. It doesn’t make him feel any better about the way he feels about you. But, he knows that you’re more mature than he gives you credit for. Even if you punched him in the nuts last week.

“It’s really none of your business either way, I was just letting you know.”

It’s quiet between the two of you for a while. Almost long enough for the entirety of Hotel California to play through those dusty speakers.

“Does your dad know that you’re the one who started that fight?” Bradley really can’t help it. He’s a decade your senior, he should really be more mature about things. But, there’s just something about you that makes him want to put an end to your know-it-all attitude.

“I didn’t.” You cross one knee over the other, lifting your chin and straightening your spine.

“Pulled a good handful of her hair out, kid.” He scoffs, turning his attention back to his paperwork. His tone is so dismissive that even Pasquale wouldn’t judge you for hitting him in the balls again.

“I’m not a kid!” You turn sharply towards him, scowling furiously.

“Right. That’s why you’re here, huh? — Because you’re grown up enough to stand up to your dad?” He doesn’t even look up at you. That’s the worst part. Pasquale winces so hard that he has to fight with himself to keep his eyes open and on the road. He waits for the sound of an impact, a hit, a scream — anything.

Instead, you lean in so close that the soft curve of your breast nudges Bradley’s arm. “I’m grown up enough to know that pining over a married woman is pathetic.”

“Pining? — Kid, your own fucking fiancé couldn’t care if you lived or died. Don’t fucking lecture me about love.”

It falls quiet quickly. The voices in the back of the bus fade out, everyone turns their attention towards the two of you, arguing again. You look down slowly. Bradley follows your gaze to his fingers curled around your forearm, tight. He looks back up and this is all to familiar. Sitting with you facing him, blinking at him like you’re about to cry.

“Get out.” He breathes finally, releasing your arm and sitting back against the door. Your face twists, confused. Pasquale shoots a look at Bradley — they can’t just leave a kid on the side of the road, surely. “Sit in the back. Finish that fucking play, we’ve got more to cover.”

Pasquale pulls over to the side of the winding, countryside road and steps out of the van, pulling his door open. You’re silent as you get out and step into the back, finding all of the seats taken. Abigail pushes Luke’s backpack off of a seat and gestures for you to sit with a pitiful smile. You take the spot and secure your headphones over your ears again, reaching to the Walkman at your side and skipping the song.

You don’t say another word for the rest of the drive. Bradley doesn’t even look at you. He gives you your key first just so you’ll go. This place does have an elevator, it’s just dusty and creaky and awful. You’re on a different floor to everyone else too. That doesn’t help.

You sit down, settling against the foot of the bed with your suitcase abandoned in the corner. He doesn’t know anything about your relationship. He just has so many cruel things that he could say to you — she’s all that you’ve got on him, and clearly she is a sore subject. The thought bubbles in your chest to the point that it makes your face warm. It makes you entire body hot.

That stupid look on his face. Like he knows anything about you, or Malcolm, or the way that you love each other.

You wish you had longer to sit and stew. Instead, you’re interrupted by his stupid, big fist slamming against the other side of the door to your hotel room. You know it’s him because he’s the only one rude enough to do it. Unsurprisingly, when you tear the door open, he’s the one in the hall. Without saying anything, he brushes past you and walks inside, then lifts up the textbook in his hand.

“Let’s get this shit over with so that we don’t have to see each other later.”

You wouldn’t be foolish enough to think he was here to apologise, but still, his attitude makes you want to hit him with that textbook. But, he’s got a point, and you would rather not see him this evening either. So, you sit down on the bed and fold your arms over your chest.

He takes a look at you and frowns, then does a survey of the room. Wardrobe, your own bathroom, two nightstands, suitcase rack, floor lamp. No desk. Begrudgingly, he takes a seat beside you on the bed.

“Alright, the play that I gave you,” He exhales like that will make him let go of all of the anger he’s holding on to. It doesn’t. “It focuses heavily on the sexual roles of men and women in developing Rome. Did you pick up on that?”

You watch him open the textbook and flip through, searching for something in particular. It really would be quite easy to tear the book from his hands and get him with it. It’s a hefty book. Instead, you shrug your shoulders and leave him with a simple, “I guess.”

He looks up at you, bored. “You guess? — The male main character had a wife, a girlfriend and a mistress. The female main character devoted herself solely to this one man, that she knew was never going to be hers. What do you think that suggests about gender roles back then?”

“I don’t know.”

“You do know, stop acting like you’re stupid.” He bites back. There’s a second where you stare at him and both of you take a moment to decide whether this is going to become another argument. You sigh softly.

“It’s patriarchal.”

“Right,” Bradley nods, “So there were these concepts back then called—“

The lesson goes on, and the more you engage, the less hostile he becomes. As much as you struggle when it comes to reading text excerpts and answering the questions he gives you on those, it gets to the point where you’ll crack a joke and he’ll laugh. That’s got to be diplomacy of some kind.

Both of you grow unintentionally closer, shifting periodically, leaning closer to see the text, or look at a picture. So, when you’re stumped by a question and you turn sharply away from him and throw yourself down, smushing your face into the pillow and growling in frustration, he finally realizes just how close the two of you have gotten.

You, laying on your front on this double bed, groaning into the pillow. Him, close enough that if he moved his leg, it would graze your hip. Bradley stares at you for a moment, then — while you’re not looking — lets his eyes trail. Along the feminine length of your legs, up over the curve of your waist in those cut-offs.

He lifts a hand and strokes it tenderly over the top of your hair, careful not to catch of tug at your lengths. He repeats the motion a few times. You feel him shift closer.

“It’s alright,” Bradley says quietly, stroking your hair back with a surprisingly gentle hand. “It’s a hard class. That was good. You’re doing well, I’m impressed.”

“Please,” You scoff without lifting your face from the pillow. You shift just a little and hook your arms under it, hugging it closer to your body. His eyes dart down to the way your back curves into your eyes, then slam shut. He should make an excuse to leave. “The only thing that could impress you would have happened a hundred years ago.”

“You know that this course focuses mainly on things that happened from —“ Bradley stops correcting you as you turn your head and glare at him. His eyes are trained on your face. He’s not looking at the way those denim cut-offs hug your figure, but fuck, he’s thinking about it. “Nevermind.”

He stares forwards. His hand is still resting in your hair. He should move it. He should leave. He hasn’t ever felt like this — countless students throwing themselves at him and he’s ignored every single one. He’s being ridiculous. It’s just the forbidden fruit effect. The proximity.

He should move his hand. He just can’t take his eyes off of your face. The swell of your lips. The slight scrunch of your nose. The narrowed look in your eyes. Bradley lifts his hand.

Then, he takes the length of your hair resting against your cheek and brushes it softly back, revealing the rest of your face to him. He shifts his hips, sitting just a fraction closer, making you easier to reach as you lay at his side.

“I mean it,” He says quietly. Your lips quirk softly, almost a smile. You’re about to tell him that he’s probably never spoken to you so kindly ever. Then, he speaks again. “You’re trying. I see that you’re trying. You’re doing a really good job.”

His thumb swipes softly over your temple, guiding your hair back further out of your face. The smile fades from your face. Then, you’re just blinking up at him. Your face is calm. His doesn’t reveal anything.

Slowly, his thumb swipes along the same trial. Over the skin covering your temple, just slightly into your hairline. It doesn’t even cross your mind to move. Maybe because you’re too thrown off by this sudden tenderness, maybe because you don’t actually hate this feeling.

The third time, he doesn’t follow the same route. His thumb swipes tenderly along the skin of your cheek, gently trailing in a small circle along the apple of your cheek. Further down. You stare up at him. Your heartbeat betrays you, thudding away in your chest as his thumb leaves your cheek and meets the corner of your mouth.

His eyes dart from his thumb to your eyes, studying your expression briefly, before he looks down again. You’re silent as he swipes his thumb delicately over the plump skin of your bottom lip.

“What did you mean earlier? — About Malcolm?” Your sudden question surprises the both of you, putting an abrupt end to the out of body feeling that was fogging Bradley’s mind. He blinks, adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he pulls his hand away from your face.

“What?”

“You said he wouldn’t care if I lived or died. Why?” You push yourself up from your front, settling onto your knees instead. Bradley’s brows knit together. The only thing he can think to say is your name. He stumbles it out, baffled. “You don’t even know him. Why would you say something like that?”

He could turn this into another screaming match. Avoid answering until you’re yelling so hard that you’re blue in the face. But, he won’t. He deserves answers too — he’s tired of that night clouding his head, having no idea if you remember or not.

“Because he left you on the side of the road to freeze to death last December,” Bradley’s suddenly acutely aware of the fact that he’s sitting on your bed, alone in your room. Your face twists in confusion. He’s not done yet. “And the only reason you didn’t freeze to death was because I hauled your ass into my truck and drove you to your parents’ house.”

He’s expecting to have to elaborate further, but you know exactly which night he was talking about. You remember the three days after blacking out that Malcolm wouldn’t so much as answer the phone to you.

“No you didn’t.”

Bradley raises his eyebrows at you. He wishes there was something he could show you, some way he could prove to you how fucked up you had been when he had found you on that curb.

“You were wearing a blue dress with sparkly shit on it,” Bradley says, his voice too calm. You were. You woke up still in it the next morning. “Open-toed heels.”

What the fuck were you thinking? — In the middle of December?

“Your parents live at the end of a long street with a bunch of Oak trees on it,” They do. Last house on the left. You stare at him, unblinking. “Your room is on the second floor, at the back of the house. Your window overlooks the swimming pool. I called your fiancé from that stupid fucking pink phone on your nightstand eight times before he picked up.”

Your chest shudders with the next slow breath that you draw in. He sits there, watching you try to rationalize what he’s telling you. There’s too much information for it to be a lie. The look on his face tells you that he isn’t lying.

“You… spoke to Malcolm that night? — What did he say?”

Bradley makes a face, then turns his chin towards the ceiling and sighs. He looks down and rubs his rough palm over his jaw, shaking his head at you. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that he left you in the fucking snow, unconscious.”

The air conditioning unit rattles behind you, making you all the more aware of the sweat starting to bead on the nape of your neck. You swallow softly and look down at the textbook between the two of you.

“We were fighting that night, but he — I think I — I think I ran off…” Your memories of that night are fuzzy. Truthfully, you can’t even remember what the two of you had been arguing about, much less what happened for him to be so angry even days later. “Whatever happened wasn’t his fault—“

“No?” Bradley interrupts, a level louder than he had been previously. You pull back from him subconsciously, bracing yourself on the bed behind you, trying to find purchase in the sheets. “It wasn’t his fault? — Anything could have happened to you, you know that? — What kind of man lets someone that they love put themselves at risk like that?”

“He probably didn’t realize. I’m sure he thought that I got a cab. Wait, Bradley, what did you say to him?”

Wait, Bradley, what did you say to him? — He’s looking at you, but he’s had this conversation before with Natasha. All those years ago. Seconds before he had answered her and watched any love she had had for him ebb away.

“We had a conversation.” Bradley answers you dryly. Your brows knit together, leaning just slightly closer. “I asked him where he was. If he knew where you were. He asked me if you were still sulking on the curb outside of the quad. He knew exactly where you were.”

Finally, he renders you speechless. For the first time, maybe ever, you’re left without something to say to him. There’s a brief silence between the two of you before he speaks again.

“What were the two of you arguing about that night?” Bradley presses.

“I — I can’t remember. Something stu—“

“Why did you kiss me?”

Your eyes go round, widening incredulously at the man sitting on the other side of your bed. The man that you’ve spent the last week and a half screaming at. The smug, over-confident man ten years older than you who refuses to dress his age or pay grade. The man who threatened your fiancé back in December.

“What?” You shriek, pushing up onto your knees and scrunching your face up at him.

“You sat in my car and begged me not to take you into your parents’ house. You kissed me. I dragged you out of the truck and put you to bed.” Bradley says it so calmly — you wonder how often he has thought about this moment to be able to recount it so easily.

You look him over. There’s no more distance between the two of you than there would be between a driver’s seat and a passenger seat. Obviously you were out of your mind that night, running away from Malcolm and not kicking and screaming when this oaf had put you in his car. But there’s not a chance in hell that you would have kissed him. You can’t stand him.

Still, here with just the two of you, you’re not sure how it would benefit him to be lying about this.

So, you take a deep breath and try to ignore the heartbeat thudding in your ears. You stare at him. His hair is neat enough. Short at the back and sides, curly on top. It would have been shorter when he was in the Navy, but you remember it being longer at the beginning of the year. You hadn’t shown up to many of his classes, so you can only guess at what he wore during the winter. Vaguely, you’ve got a memory of him in grey slacks and a navy sweater. Still not wearing a tie.

If he had come straight from his office, he would be in his work clothes. You would be sitting in the passenger side of his truck. It was snowing out, so you know he would have been cold. The sun-kissed pink hue on his cheeks was probably still there, just frost-chilled in variety this time. His facial hair is always neat. Everything tidily shaved, his moustache always trimmed. He’s certainly not ugly.

Long lashes. A slight bump in his nose, like he might have broken it once, but it suits him. Slightly raised scar tissue on his cheek, his throat. Lashes that touch the bone of his eye socket when he closes his eyes. Freckles dotting his cheeks, the bridge of his nose. Eyes that can’t quite decide whether they’re brown, black, amber or hazel. Pink, plush lips.

Ah. That’s where your attention catches. You practically take a mental snapshot of the place where your eyes land. The hollows of his cheeks, the scars on his left side. His strong jaw, usually clenched when he’s looking at you. The thick length of his neck, his protruding adam’s apple, the gold chain usually visible just inside of his collar. Those thick, reddish pink lips.

Pushing up on your knees, you lift your gaze and find him already staring. He knows exactly what you’re about to do. His hand finds your hip and grabs at it roughly as you put one knee in front of the other and crawl to him. He guides you where he wants you and lifts his other hand, cupping your jaw.

His rough palm sits against your jaw bone. Tenderly touching your cheek, just slightly grazing your throat. Eclipsing the side of your face with the magnitude of his hand size. Even up close, you’ve still got no clue of why you would kiss him. Well, nothing that you can rationalize. No explanation that would make any kind of sense to you on any regular day.

But, if you’re being honest with yourself, it’s because you know that there is no rationalizing this. The want that you feel for him just doesn’t make sense. His fingers curled around your hipbone, pressing roughly into the denim there — it doesn’t make sense.

And yet, when the strong hand on the side of your jaw pulls you forwards, you’re all too willing to lean all the way into him and kiss him. Softly, slowly. Your bottom lip between his, controlled even though all he wants to do is throw you down on his bed and kiss you like he means it.

Bradley figures that’s a bad thing, that he’s in control of the situation enough to be gentle with you, but not to stop himself from making this mistake. His tongue swipes softly against your lip at the same time his hand tugs at your hip. You wobble forwards, he parts his thighs and tugs again making you land unceremoniously against his legs.

You can feel the abandoned textbook digging into your ankle. Its glossed pages, open and forgotten.

His hand trails from your jaw, around to the back of your neck. He feels you tense against him as he pulls you close by your neck and your waist, lifting, and then planting you on your back. The second that your spine touches the sheets, you tear your mouth away from his with a gasp.

He stills, kneeling between your parted thighs, staring down at you. You glance down. He watches your brows knit together and follows your gaze down to the necklace that has slipped from his shirt. You lift your stiff hand from your side and reach out for it. He swallows as the delicate tips of your fingers graze the gold cross. You wonder where his dog tags are. Why he’s wearing this today. If he just wore the tags for Natasha’s benefit, maybe.

“I didn’t know you’re religious.” You breathe out. He’s just close enough to be able to hear you. His hands flex around the pits of your knees, skimming down your calves.

“I’m not,” He answers you quietly. “It belonged to my dad.”

You breathe out hard, but it doesn’t make that weird feeling in your chest go away. You just keep on staring at that dangling necklace. Something keeps you from looking him in the eye. Fear, shame — lust — you’re not sure exactly what it is.

Turning your head, you’re met with the sight of his flexing forearm, planted beside your head. Bradley watches through darkened eyes as you reach out once again, starting at the back of his hand. You trail the vein in his skin from his fist, up along the inside of his forearm, onto his bicep. Stopping at the hem of his white t-shirt sleeve.

Bradley leans down, moving to the side to catch your mouth. This second kiss is different from the first. It’s all him. His tongue swipes your bottom lip and you’ve got the sense to press into him, to open your mouth. Both of you are surely aware of how dead still you’re laying, the way your hands are balled in the sheets at your sides.

But, you lift your chin and chase his kiss like he’s got your next breath. He pushes harder against you, his tongue pressing forwards and grazing yours. Suddenly, your hands aren’t so still any more. They’re up and shoving at his chest.

“What are you doing?” You gasp, horrified.

He sits back on his knees and stares at you. You’re right. What the fuck is he doing? — You’re one of his students, and fuck, your father would never let this go. Your fiancé too. Fuck, your fiancé.

“Keep your tongue in your mouth, what is the matter with you?” You snap at him, sitting up swiftly and hitting his chest with another hard shove. Bradley stares at you. Never in a million years was he expecting your issue here to be with the fact that he’d barely grazed your tongue with his.

“Excuse me?”

“Your tongue, you animal! — What do you think you’re doing?” You pull your legs out from between his thighs and shift away from him, leaping off of the bed. His jaw falls slack, staring at the way you’re glaring at him from the bottom of the bed.

“Kissing! — What? — Are you telling me that you’ve never—“ He shakes his head, trying to make sense of what he’s hearing. He knew you were inexperienced but french kissing has been popular in the US for a lot longer than you’ve even been alive.

“No, I haven’t! — What kind of girl—“

“Alright, stop yelling, stop yelling!” Bradley stands up swiftly and catches hold of both of your biceps. Quieting, you crane your neck back to look at him. He looks down at you and exhales. “That was a mistake. Right?”

His thumbs brush gently along the backs of your arms. You’re silent, just staring up at him, but he gives a quick nod anyway. That’s good enough. Squeezing your arm, he lets you go and then moves.

“Fuck. Okay,” He runs a hand over his jaw and turns, dizzily trying to collect his things. “We’re good. We just need to not get in each other’s way, get you a C — and then we’re out of each other’s hair.”

There are so many things you want to say. Even more that you want to ask him. But, you don’t. You just nod silently at him and tuck your hands behind your back. Then, you make the mistake of glancing downwards. The khaki colouring of his shorts has never looked as indecent as it does now.

Bradley doesn’t need to follow your gaze to know what you’re staring at. He knows all too well that he has been rock hard since he first grabbed at your hip. The little squeak you had made had sent every red blood cell in his body rushing south, and the way you’re staring at his straining dick now doesn’t help.

You make it worse too. There’s no shock on your face, you’re not saying anything. You’re just staring at the way his thick length is pressing against the fabric of the shorts, hard, and because of you. Natasha, that you had understood. She had been touching him and she was undeniably gorgeous. And they had history.

“Stop —“ Bradley pinches the bridge of his nose with one hand and dips a hand into his shorts to adjust himself with the other. That still doesn’t stop you from staring. He frowns at you. First you don’t know how to kiss, and now he’s realizing that you’ve probably never seen a dick either. “For fucks’ sake.

Your eyes finally go wide as he grabs the textbook, turns on his heel and leaves the room with a slam of the door. You flinch at the sound, suddenly completely alone in your room, reeling. Ashamedly, your first instinct is to call Matthew.

Bradley walks down the hall, takes the stairs, and into his own room. It’s empty, meaning that Luke’s probably in Robin’s room. Bradley should be an adult and go and lecture them both. Instead, he slams the door to their bathroom and twists the lock. Cold water probably would have been the best thing to do. Instead, letting the warm stream soak his body, his clothes ditched on the floor, he feels like he can finally breathe.

Truthfully, your fiancé is the furthest thing from his mind. The fact that you’re his student has never felt as minuscule as it did when he was kneeling between your thighs and watching your delicate fingers toy with his necklace. You’re graduating. This is just extra credit. If you had passed the first time, you’d be out of his class already.

All the excuses in the world doesn’t make it okay that he has kissed you twice now. But, that doesn’t stop him from trailing his palm along his toned stomach, wrapping a hand loosely around the base of his cock and planting his free palm on the tile in front of him.

Upstairs and three doors to the right, you’re sitting criss-crossed on the same bed that you had just kissed your professor in with an old plastic phone pressed to your ear. The line rings, and rings until it feels like you’re about to burst into tears until finally his voice comes through on the other end.

“Hello?”

“I need to ask you something and I need you to please answer me honestly. Okay?”

…

Tags: @thedroneranger @batdanceq @wkndwlff @cassiemitchell @himbos-on-ice @bradshawsbaby @damrlova @fudge13 @xoxabs88xox @mak-32 @sihtricswife @callsignvenus @callsign-joyride @harper1666 @krismdavis @sheisanangell @thecitysgraveyard @cherrycola27 @sugarcoated-lame

#bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #miles teller #bradley bradshaw smut #jake seresin #rooster x you #rooster bradshaw imagine #top gun smut #Bradley Bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw x you #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley Bradshaw fic #the odyssey

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risenwrites · 9 months

Text

Title: The Important Question

Pairing: Boyfriend! Sanji X Girlfriend! Reader

AU: Modern Day

Warnings: Slight angst if you squint, mainly fluff, french words (I used Google translate pls don’t come at me), reader is kinda clueless, pet names (my love, darling, etc.)

A/n: This is for the Loverboy Sanji Event that @stephisokay is hosting! (I hope it's okay I tagged you fhdjskfks)

Word Count: ~2.6K

Status: Semi-edited

Snow had already been falling for a couple of hours when you reached the apartment complex Sanji lived in. You stood at the base of the stairs, shivering in the frigid air despite your warm coat. You gently rubbed your palms together before sticking them in your armpits as you began climbing the staircase. With each step, your mind drifted back to earlier that day when Sanji texted you out of the blue.

His text said there was something important he wanted to talk about at his apartment tonight and that you should wear something nice. You had tried to ask him over text what he wanted to talk about, but he never responded. You’d gotten texts like that with previous boyfriends, which ended with a breakup each time. Deep in your heart, you feared tonight would end the same way.

When you reach the floor of Sanji’s apartment, you quickly rush over to his front door. You were eager to get inside to be warm but hesitated to knock on his door. Fear crept into your mind from the thought your boyfriend might break up with you. You loved him, probably more than you’ve loved anyone before.

You quickly shake your head to push away those thoughts. Pressing your lips together, you take a deep breath and then knock on the door. Within seconds, the door opened to show your boyfriend’s smiling face and curly eyebrows. Seeing his face instantly chased away all your fears and anxiety about what he might want to discuss. A smile spread across your face as he gently took hold of your hands.

“Y/n, my love!” he greeted, peppering your face with kisses, making you giggle. “Come in, come in!”

Sanji gently pulled you inside, grinning ear to ear as he closed the front door. The smell of food and cigarette smoke filled your nose, warming your heart and soul. You were about to turn toward your boyfriend, but he started taking off your coat before you could do or say anything.

“Thank you, Sanji,” you said while facing him, an even bigger smile on your face.

“It’s always my pleasure, my darling,” he said lovingly while hanging up your coat.

As he finished hanging up your coat, you stomped your feet a little to remove the snow on your shoes. You briefly looked him over, noticing how he wore one of the more fancy suits he owned, whereas you were wearing something nice but much more casual. Immediately, you began to feel a bit underdressed.

“Hey, did you want me to wear something more… fancy?” you asked hesitantly.

Sanji looked at you, his eye widened in surprise. He blinked a few times before panic flashed across his face, and he fully turned toward you. “No, no! You look wonderful, my love! I’m sorry, I should have said more than just nice in my text,” he apologized while holding your hands.

“If you want, I can change into something else so you don’t-” he began to explain, but you quickly cut him off by giving him a quick kiss.

“No, it’s fine, really. Don’t change because I am underdressed,” you told Sanji with a small smile. “Especially with how dashing you look in this suit.”

Sanji let out a small breath while he stared at you, relaxing from the panic rising within him. Your heart skipped a beat from seeing the genuine love and admiration in his gaze.

“For the record, you never look underdressed. Everything you wear only makes you look more beautiful than you already are,” Sanji said with a grin slowly appearing.

Light pink dusted across your face, and you chuckled shyly, looking away with a happy smile. Part of you wondered how you found such a wonderful man, while another part gushed over how cute he is.

“A-anyway, what’s the fancy clothes?” you asked to change the subject.

Sanji’s face lit up, and he let go of your hands to place one on the small of your back. “Let me show you,” he said.

He led you through his familiar apartment, bringing you to the living room. Your eyes widened in surprise as you glanced around the room. All the furniture had disappeared, probably moved to another room. White and golden fairy lights were strung up on the walls and across the ceiling, making the room slightly dim but still lit enough to see. A little square table sat in the middle of the room, two fancy seating arrangements opposite each other. In the center of the table was a simple vase with a beautiful red rose inside.

Without hesitation, Sanji led you to the table and pulled out one of the chairs for you to sit. “I hope you came with an empty stomach, my darling! I’ve got something special planned for dinner tonight!” he explained while smiling at you.

You stared at Sanji for a moment, utterly dumbfounded by how much work he’d put in for a dinner he never told you he planned. You’d have dinner with him often, but this was completely over the top for a simple dinner. Sure, you’d always known how much of a romantic Sanji could be, but he’d only ever done something like this on special occasions. You couldn’t think of any holidays or special dates that could have made him want to set up something like this. Did this have something to do with what he wanted to talk about?

“Um... earlier today, you texted me, saying you wanted to talk about something?” you asked while moving to sit down.

His visible eye widened, and a light pink dusted on his cheeks as he chuckled. “R-right, that’s something we can talk about when we eat dessert,” he quickly said while pushing your chair in. “I’ll be right back with our food!”

Sanji kissed the top of your head and then walked off into the kitchen. You frowned slightly and leaned your cheek against your fist. With all the thoughts of a possible breakup gone from your mind, you wondered what Sanji might want to talk about. A small part of you hoped what he wanted to discuss had something to do with your future together, but you quickly dismissed the thought. He’d always change the subject when you tried to bring it up in the past. There had to be something else he wanted to talk about. You just needed to wait and see.

Soon, he returned holding two dinner plates with covers, like something you’d see in a fancy restaurant or other fine dining. He carefully placed one down in front of you and gave what you assumed to be a wink (you couldn’t be sure with his left eye covered by hair). He placed the other plate opposite you, where you assumed he would be sitting.

“May I present to you…” Sanji began with a cheeky grin, “Pâtes Épicées Aux Fruits de Mer!”

Sanji lifted the metal covers to reveal bowls of pasta covered with marinara sauce, the smell of spices and shrimp rushing up your nose. A smile spread across your face as you recognized the dish without asking him to repeat himself in English. Your stomach rumbled, and you giggled softly while looking at your boyfriend.

“Wouldn’t it have been easier to just say ‘Spicy Seafood Pasta’?” you asked.

Sanji chuckled and pecked you on the lips, causing you to giggle again. “And where would be the fun in that, hm?” he questioned with the rise of one of his curly eyebrows. “Let me put these in the kitchen, and then we can start eating.”

Once Sanji had put the metal covers in the kitchen, he sat across from you at the table. You both began eating the food he had made, which tasted amazing as always and chatted about how today had been for both of you. Most of that was Sanji complaining about men who came to The Baratie with their girlfriends and men who went to the restaurant to flirt with women non-stop.

“I swear to god that all men are pigs! You should have seen some of these guys. They were totally making the other customers uncomfortable with how they were talking to the fine young ladies dining at the restaurant. All of these men were absolutely swooning, and I mean swooning, to get the attention of our lady customers. Don’t get me started on how they stare like starved animals. Men have absolutely no respect for women these days,” he explained, eyebrows furrowed while he scowled.

Your hand flew up to cover your mouth to ensure no food came out while you laughed. All the frustration and irritation Sanji had melted away, his expression relaxing as he smiled.

“What’s so funny?” he asked while taking a bite.

You swallowed the food in your mouth and then chuckled. “I just find it funny how you’re saying that since you acted similarly before and when we first started dating,” you explained with another chuckle.

Sanji’s eye widened, and his face immediately turned bright red. “Dats not-” he started saying but stopped to swallow the food he had just put in his mouth. “That’s not the same! Besides, I was only trying to show my appreciation for women! I-I never swooned like those pigs!” he argued while the red spread to his ears.

You couldn’t help but laugh a little bit more, finding your boyfriend adorable from getting so flustered. “Oh yeah? If I remember correctly, you were always swooning to get the attention of any woman you met,” commented with a giggle. “But I guess you still do that now, even though we’re dating.”

Sanji’s body went rigid momentarily, and he became quiet after hearing your comment. The smile on your face immediately disappears, and you put your utensils down to reach across the table and hold your boyfriend’s hand.

“Hey, did I go too far with the teasing?” you asked worriedly.

He quickly shook his head and looked you in the eyes while squeezing your hand gently. It was his turn to chuckle as he caressed the back of your hand with his thumb.

“No, it’s just…” he began but trailed off like he was looking for the right words.

“It’s just… what?” you asked.

Sanji looked into your eyes, catching your breath in the back of your throat. He seemed so serious yet simultaneously filled to the brim with love and adoration. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight.

“It’s just I can’t imagine why you’d think I’d be vying for the attention of other women when I already have the most beautiful woman in the world,” he explained as a smile returned.

Your eyes widened, and it was your turn for your face to turn red. You gently squeezed Sanji’s hand before pulling away to pick up your utensils. “You’re such a flirt,” you softly state with a small smile.

“I’m only telling the truth, my darling,” he said with his smile becoming a grin. “No one could ever match the radiance you have.”

You swore your face looked redder than the marinara sauce in the food. Still, you giggled softly while finishing off the last of your food. When you looked up, you noticed how Sanji’s eye widened while he seemed to become extremely nervous yet excited. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, finding it strange how he suddenly became anxious when he’d just been flirting with you.

“Uh, are you done eating, my love?” he asked after a moment.

When you nodded, he quickly stood up and took the empty plates into the kitchen. Soon, he returned with two new dishes with metal covers. You raised an eyebrow and tilted your head to the side while he placed the two covered plates down. You saw Sanji’s hands trembling for the first time since you started dating him years ago. Worry bubbled up to the surface, and without hesitation, you gently took hold of his hand and looked up at him.

“Is everything alright? I’ve never seen you this anxious before. Not even when we’ve run into your family,” you said with a slight frown.

Sanji blinked a few times and looked down at you. He was quiet momentarily before a wide smile spread across his face, and he chuckled. Gently, he placed his hand on your cheek, rubbing his thumb against your skin.

“Yeah, everything is great. I promise you don’t need to worry,” Sanji told you before taking his hand off your face. He took a deep breath while grabbing the metal cover on your plate. “y love, here is your dessert,” he said softly while lifting the metal cover.

It took you a minute to realize what was in front of you on the plate. There sat a single piece of cheesecake with a beautiful ring on top with a few fruits. A ring with a diamond. At that moment, you felt your heart skip a beat, seeing the beautifully simple arrangement on the piece of cheesecake.

You watched with wide eyes as Sanji picked up the ring from the cheesecake. He used a napkin to clean off the bits of the dessert still on the ring, then got down on one knee beside you. His curly eyebrows were furrowed slightly, a serious yet nervous expression on his face. Slowly, he lifted the ring up to you, showing off a beautifully simple design on the ring with a diamond in the center.

“Y/n l/n, will you make me the happiest man in the whole world, spend the rest of your life with me, and marry me?” Sanji asked, his eyes locked with yours.

The whole world seemed to disappear around you, even yourself, leaving only Sanji. You committed everything about him at this moment to memory, from his curly eyebrows to the fancy suit he wore to the mixed smell of spices and cigarette smoke. He looked nervous yet hopeful like he thought there was a chance you might say no, but at the same time, he assured himself that you would say yes.

Tears began building up in your eyes as you placed a hand over your mouth. How could he ever think that you would say no to him? After all the time spent together, all the memories made, all the ups and downs, he was still unsure if he was worthy of your love. Just like how you were with his love. You threw your arms around his neck and held him close without hesitation.

“Yes! A million, no, a billion times yes!” you exclaimed happily, a bright smile appearing on your face.

You could feel Sanji let out a sigh as he wrapped his arms around you. He held you close and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck. You could feel the happy smile on his face as he gently pressed his lips against your neck.

“God, I love you so much it hurts,” he whispered while tightening his hold on you, making you giggle softly.

“Is this what you had wanted to talk about?” you asked, the whole situation still feeling like a dream.

“Yeah, it is. Sorry for keeping it a secret. I just really wanted this to be a surprise. Especially since you’ve wanted to talk about our future together,” Sanji explained.

You shook your head while pulling away from hugging him, which had Sanji pouting a little. You chuckled while gently taking his face in your hands, a happy simple on your face. You placed a gentle, loving kiss on his lips, and he eagerly kissed back with just as much love, if not more.

After a moment, you pulled away and ran a hand through his hair. “Then let’s talk about things while we eat our cheesecake,” you suggested with a laugh.

Sanji grinned and nodded in agreement while resting a hand on top of yours. “Yeah, let’s,” he agreed.

©following works belongs to risenwrites, do not repost, modify, plagiarize, translate, or share on other platforms. comments, likes, and reblogs appreciated!

#risen.writes #vinsmoke sanji #black leg sanji #sanji x reader #sanji x you #sanji x y/n #vinsmoke sanji x reader #vinsmoke sanji x y/n #one piece sanji #blackleg sanji #sanji #blackleg sanji x reader #black leg sanji x reader #black leg sanji x you #Loverboy Sanji Collab Event

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silvergreenseraphim · 10 months

Text

Angeal and Sephiroth (And Genesis?)—Dissidia Opera Omnia—Part Three

I AM ALIVE!!

Of course, a bunch of crazy real life things had to happen right as I was trying to translate this chapter, but I am back now and it’s time to get to work! So sorry for the wait, but I thank you all for your patience!

Also, Dissidia being literally cancelled while I was away was a very odd and unfortunately timed occurrence. I was upset to see the news, but I suppose that was a strong impetus to keep translating since we may never get official English translations now. Whew!

Well, let’s dive in!

—

So, after the last encounter with Sephiroth where Angeal had to accept that Sephiroth’s will was also influencing his choice to destroy the world, part of our team is gathered around Zack, resting and talking.

They express concern for Angeal, wondering if he is okay or if he is in shock after meeting his best friend who has changed so much. Tifa is prompted to then ask Zack what kind of person Sephiroth had been before the insanity.

Zack says,

“I didn’t really know him from the start. Only since I began working with Angeal, but I heard that they (Sephiroth and Angeal) were really close, as well as with their other best friend (Genesis). That one (Genesis) would play around with him (Sephiroth), and when things crossed a line, Angeal scolded them both. Sephiroth explained to me that Angeal gave him endless lectures about discipline, dreams, honor/hope, etc….”

A reference to this scene in Crisis Core:

This is so cute, but of course everyone else is bewildered! One of them says something like, “Wait, we are still talking about Sephiroth, right??” and Zack just laughs saying, “I don’t blame you for thinking that/wondering that.”

But Zack reassures them about how Seph used to be, saying,

“He was strong, he took good care of/helped people, and he cared about his juniors/younger colleagues. That was the Sephiroth I knew once.”

Cloud seems in awe over this. Zack goes onto explain,

“Then something went wrong with Genesis and Angeal’s bodies (reference to degradation), and they didn’t tell Sephiroth. That’s why everything got so tense. They probably didn’t want to involve him in all that, but I think Sephiroth felt alone/was lonely. I was also left behind by Angeal, so I shared the feeling.”

Cloud teases Zack, saying basically “Oh, so that’s why you acted like that when you met Angeal again,” and Zack laughs in embarrassment. Krile comments that Zack’s best quality is being always honest to himself, and Zack is grateful for the kindness. Then he goes back to talking about Sephiroth, saying,

“So back to Sephiroth. Later when Angeal and the other friend (Genesis) were gone, something went wrong with Sephiroth this time. It seemed like he uncovered the secrets about his birth/creation, but he didn’t tell me much about that. But what occurred made it clear to me….that wasn’t Sephiroth, I am certain. It’s why I want to help Angeal. I want to bring Sephiroth back to who he was.”

There is a sad moment here where the others understand Zack’s wishes, but Tifa and Cloud admit that they aren’t sure if they could ever forgive Sephiroth for destroying their village and killing their relatives even if he were to return to sanity. Cloud in particular admits that he feels anger and then sorrow, a pain in his chest, when he thinks of Sephiroth. Cloud is kind to Zack, saying that he owes him so much, but on this subject their wishes diverge. He says he is sorry for that, but Zack understands saying,

“No, it’s okay. I am sorry too, Cloud.”

They all accept the fact and agree that everyone has a different position, moving on. However, Cloud does briefly stop to wonder if it is indeed possible to bring Sephiroth back to his old self.

We cut away from this scene and go to Angeal, who is talking with some of the elder Final Fantasy characters. They ask him if he is calm now, wondering,

“So, he (the current Sephiroth) is indeed not your good friend?”

This statement sounds like a casual, “So, you aren’t friends anymore” type of observation, but it is actually in reference to the Jenova-Sephiroth dilemma. They are basically asking Angeal if the real Sephiroth is truly gone. Angeal confirms in a sense, saying that,

“That’s why I was so disturbed. It wasn’t just strictly a matter of “he has changed.”

The others remind Angeal that if Sephiroth is no longer human, then he doesn’t have to feel so weighed down by the whole thing, but Angeal says,

“No, even if that is true, even if he is physically Jenova, I can sense his will still inside.

The character Aaron says, “Then there is a strong chance Sephiroth wills himself into this state (being one with Jenova).”

Angeals says he knows and that Sephiroth does indeed not seem to be human anymore. He then confirms,

“This is why I should be the one to finish this…for the sake of my other friend that I failed to save (Genesis).”

Aw 🥲

There is a sequence here that follows where the elders talk to Angeal about his serious and responsible reputation, and how he trains his juniors like Zack. They offer Angeal some pleasant advice, saying not to worry so much about Zack anymore because the latter has truly grown. Angeal agrees, noting how much Zack matured and how he passed down his own little legacy to Cloud, who carries the buster sword. The elders encourage Angeal to realize that his strong and powerful words likely helped influence this and enliven others. They note Angeal’s persistent personality as well, but Angeal sadly says,

“Tifa told me that as well, but it wasn’t enough to get through to my friends (Gen and Seph). I was just too confident that we all understood each other. I should have been there for them more…”

Basch, one of the elders, encourages Angeal further, saying in regards to the situation with Sephiroth,

“Even though you are friends, don’t let this be such a burden to you. There were changes in his heart that you simply could not foresee, despite your regret.”

Furthermore he says, “Just because you two were close did not make it your duty (to fix everything). After all, a friend’s presence alone can be strengthening for another even when far away. But if you don’t want to regret, why don’t you try to come across him again now that you are both reunited here.”

Angeal, throughout this little pep talk, still feels badly and hangs his head, but he is surprised to hear the bit about a friend’s presence offering strength, and perks up when the others suggest he try to at least be there for Sephiroth this time around. He agrees, saying,

“You’re right. I will do what I could not do back then…but…”

Angeal pauses to speak one lament amidst his decision.

“…in this world…my other friend (Genesis) isn’t here….and I know he would have wanted to start over/have a second chance with Sephiroth as well…”

—

Small note section before we move to the final battle:

There is so much to unpack in these two scenes because of all the dialogue and all the things finally said about the issues we have been wondering about as fans.

For one, now we know how it would be if the idea of Sephiroth’s redemption were to be discussed among the Crisis Core characters like Zack and Angeal, and the OG characters like Cloud and Tifa.

Zack and Angeal fully want to bring Sephiroth back because he was their friend that they loved, but the perspective of Cloud and Tifa is completely different and understandably so. They never knew Sephiroth as a friend, but instead the great SOLDIER that simply snapped and ruined their lives.

However, they are kind and understanding towards Zack, empathizing with his wishes, as well as with Angeal. It was Tifa who encouraged Angeal earlier, saying that his heroic speeches about dreams and honor had helped her, and that maybe he could reach Sephiroth’s noble, good side with such appeals.

But at the same time, Tifa and Cloud do admit that Sephiroth has wounded them too deeply, and even if he were to come back to his old self, they are not sure if they would ever be able to forgive him for what he did.

Zack is very peaceful about this disagreement, knowing that Cloud in particular means to deal with Sephiroth and not let him go freely. He knows why and accepts it. It’s ultimately very tragic and heart-rending, but we understand why their viewpoints are so different.

As for the scene with Angeal and the elders, it was very endearing to see Angeal being the one getting a pep talk this time. He also speaks very politely and respectfully in Japanese, in contrast to his usual stern tone with Zack. We are reminded that Angeal himself is still just a young man, even though he comes off like a serious, older mentor. He is just as lost and confused as his friends and Zack.

He is very much still beating himself up over not having been there for Sephiroth and not having been able to save Genesis. What was said to him about “It was not your duty” initially caused him to protest and feel some kind of shock. He may have heard that the way anyone else struggling with regret would have. He may have thought, “No, it was my duty.”

In truth, what happened to his friends was not Angeal’s fault. He also quite literally died and couldn’t be there for everything, Yes, perhaps he is right in saying that assuming they all understood each other perfectly was a mistake, but the elders are also right—there were issues that he never could have foreseen. Angeal didn’t know how far Genesis would fall or how broken Sephiroth’s already-damaged psyche was without his friends.

Yet the one thing Angeal surely believes he could have done more was simply be by his friends’ sides when they were going down, which is fair and honorable. I think this is a reasonable conclusion, and so we now see Angeal’s resolve come into full view.

Even if Sephiroth cannot be brought back, Angeal intends to be there for him, to make up for his past mistakes, to make up for Genesis, and to find peace. He also knows and admits that Genesis would have wanted to do the same with Sephiroth if he were present.

The plot of this chapter became clear to me here.

This DOO story is about Angeal’s personal redemption within himself, and perhaps a bit of Genesis’ own as well. It is about closure with the Firsts’ trio, even if it doesn’t lead to Sephiroth’s own redemption. It is still about them 🥲

—

The final battle begins.

There are a few interludes with the Tsviets, Vincent, and Weiss that establish their inclusion in the final battle, and the plan to restore everyone’s memories within the world. The other FF characters also discuss a few things about Seymour’s loyalty, and the team comes up with a final plan to take down Sephiroth for good.

This leads to Sephiroth himself, who is once again worried about the memories Angeal has brought back and how that might interfere with Sephiroth’s anchor to Cloud. He needs Angeal gone in order to not be shaken and take over the world.

Right then, the others run up. Cloud calls Sephiroth’s name and Angeal says,

“I’ve come to stop you!”

Sephiroth announces that they are too late, and that he is ready to take control. The others claim they are stronger, but Sephiroth has the upper hand, of course. He uses a fake Tifa to trick Barret into giving up the power crystals that Sephiroth needs. When this succeeds, Sephiroth summons the great materia called Crystal that apparently holds the world together. He attempts to shatter it and the world starts to crumble. Aerith rushes in front of Crystal to defend it.

Barret and Cloud are struck with horrible memories and premonitions, seemingly about Aerith’s death when this happens. They call for her to get away, but are unable to stand with the weight of memory crashing down on them.

There is a moment of panic as Sephiroth gets ready to charge Aerith, but then Angeal and Weiss actually sweep in to block his path in the nick of time.

And so, the Crisis Core tribute battle formulates, a memorial to the spar that once occurred between three friends. It even plays the music from the CC scene.

Vincent and the Tsviets are shocked to see Weiss, who did not seem to be interested in the final battle before, but something seems to have possessed Weiss. He begins quoting Loveless once again. He says,

“Hm. “My friend, the fates are cruel. There are no dreams, no honor remains. The arrow has left the bow of the goddess.” So, is that how you became a monster, Sephiroth, the “hero”?”

This is a strange moment of questioning from Weiss because it seems confusing with the English translation of Loveless, but he is essentially asking if Sephiroth lost his pride and honor due to a cruel cause or turn of fate. Angeal walks up and fondly reminisces, saying,

“Ah, Loveless…how nostalgic. Genesis quoted that tale until it wore me down.”

Sephiroth is oddly quiet.

Then, funnily enough, Weiss’s intentions are revealed to be about taking Sephiroth’s place. Weiss doesn’t care about what happens in the world, but believes he should be the one to reign over it instead of Sephiroth, making an amusing callback to Genesis wanting Sephiroth’s role as the hero. Angeal laughs and responds to this with,

“Oh pfftt, you two (Weiss and Genesis) are exactly alike in your competitive nature then. Do as you will.”

Essentially, Angeal accepts Weiss to fill the empty space left by Genesis in this particular world, calling back to Angeal’s earlier lament.

Weiss and Angeal prepare for the fight, but Cloud and Zack protest, telling Angeal that he doesn’t need to do this, and that they can help now that they are back to normal. But Angeal only says,

“I know you guys are reliable/strong, but I need to do this.”

Cloud understands and says,

“I see….you want to talk to him (Sephiroth) like a person…to the real Sephiroth buried behind Jenova.”

This seems to be a callback to Cloud and Angeal’s earlier discussion where Angeal told Cloud about how he treated Sephiroth like a human. Even now, Angeal wants to speak to his friend as though he were person, not a monster blended with Jenova. Angeal also jokingly adds,

“At the very least, let me show off a little bit as your senior soldier!”

The fight begins with Angeal saying to Sephiroth that he will speak to him in this way even if the latter tries to stop him. Sephiroth only dismisses this with his same, “There is nothing to talk about in this world. It will soon become an empty vessel” statement. Angeal teases a bit with,

“Come on, don’t hold back! Test your skill with us like you did that day…”

Sephiroth only says he doesn’t remember.

Their fight is familiar and striking, full of quick and clever movement. The others are thrilled watching, with Zack even recognizing some of the moves Sephiroth taught him back in the day.

The nostalgia hits Angeal in the midst of the spar and he calls out,

“Ah, I’ve missed you, Sephiroth!”

They continue, with Sephiroth still aiming for Aerith, but being pushed back by Weiss and Angeal. Angeal further recalls the memory, saying,

“Remember, we used to do this in the old training room at headquarters, playing around in there when the 2nds weren’t looking!”

Sephiroth can still only say he doesn’t remember. Angeal persists with,

“Alright then what about dumbapples? And your friend that was so eager to share one with you that he never gave up his research on them?”

Sephiroth becomes agitated at this and says,

“I told you, I don’t know/remember!”

Weiss laughs and says, “Well, you’re a sorry excuse for a Sephiroth!”

But Sephiroth only says he doesn’t need these memories, and that he erased them. Weiss says,

“Then let me remind you what our brother (Genesis) wanted. My friend, your desire is the bringer of life, the gift of the goddess!”

At this, Sephiroth finally snaps in anger and says,

“Shut up…! All I need is my pure will!”

With this, Sephiroth exerts an extreme amount of power and proceeds to attack the crystal with his raw strength and will, causing everything to tremble. The others begin to panic. Sephiroth viciously says,

“There is my response! My gift to you!”

So yeah, the spar was fun until Weiss and Angeal brought back that memory of Genesis. Unfortunately, it seemingly angered Sephiroth a little too much, and from this point on, things seem hopeless. Sephiroth’s will is too strong, and in the midst of the chaos, Seymour arrives at last, taking Sephiroth’s side and betraying the others.

They begin to destroy Crystal together, and this is when a certain scene occurs that I have translated here:

A very important moment with Vincent, who tries to intervene by telling Sephiroth that Jenova is not his mother, and that his real mother cried for him. Sephiroth, sadly, does not believe Vincent.

Sephiroth grows in his power, drunken on the feeling, and Cloud, Zack, and Angeal stand at the front, ready to take him on, Yes, even Angeal has found his resolve and admits that while things look hopeless, they have to face it. Cloud summons everyone, rallying them all to fight together.

That’s when Sephiroth ascends and takes on his Safer form. Upon seeing this, Zack grows angry and says,

“If this really is Jenova, don’t hold back. How dare she mask as Sephiroth!”

But Safer Sephiroth tells them that he has gathered all the energy of the world to himself, and that they have lost because they did not have the power and strength that comes with pure hatred of the world. Angeal says,

“So, that’s your will. To destroy the world with Jenova’s power. I suppose that’s why I still can’t turn away from you or my past mistakes…because I’m your best friend.”

Angeal is at full acceptance here, understanding that he can’t let Sephiroth do this because it’s his responsibility as Sephiroth’s best friend. It’s a very loving way to say,

“I have to put you down because it’s what’s best for you in this situation.”

So, the battle ends with Seymour and Safer Sephiroth defeated. There is a moment of uncertainty as the world hangs on the edge of collapse, but the team, mainly Angeal, are able to bring Seymour back to his senses in the aftermath. Seymour falls to the earth in regret, much to Sephiroth’s disgust, who would never have let go of his hatred so easily.

Sephiroth then vanishes, summoning Cloud to the final confrontation. Cloud rushes through a portal, into the void where Sephiroth is waiting. The fight is a direct callback to the OG scene.

Cloud beats Sephiroth at once like he did in the original game, everything ending with Sephiroth’s voice echoing through the void, promising that he will return one day with his mother as long as Cloud remembers him. Cloud reassures Sephiroth that he will fight him again and again if it means protecting the world.

When Cloud returns, Zack is overjoyed and Angeal solemnly thanks him for putting Sephiroth to rest. There is a brief intermission where the other FF characters work to bring the shattered world back into balance, but overall, the fight is over and everything is fine again.

Angeal looks to the sky, and is unable to keep from lamenting Sephiroth’s loss, saying that,

“I lost my best friend twice now…I must admit I am filled with regret, pathetic as that may seem…”

But Zack encourages Angeal, reminding him that he was there for Sephiroth this time, and Sephiroth even responded in small ways. Zack also is grateful that Angeal was by his side in battle, saying that he wouldn’t have been able to face everything alone. Angeal warmly says that Zack could have easily stood strong with the way he held onto his pride and honor. There is kind reconciliation here, and with the other characters as well. Small scenes of forgiveness and new promises made.

It was sad, and everybody was hoping that Seph could be brought back, but in the end it was more about Angeal finding peace with the loss of his friend and giving himself a second chance to be there with him until the bitter end. He full-filled this wish, whether Sephiroth knew it or not. For that, I am grateful to Dissidia. They gave Angeal the closure he longed for and that he never would have been able to gain in any other game because of his death. Now I can only hope similar opportunities are granted to the others.

Final Notes:

Thank you so much again for everyone’s patience with this! I can’t believe DOO actually ended as I was in the middle of translating, and all for the sake of Rebirth too! But it had a good run and this bit of closure we got with the CC and OG characters was a pretty decent way to end it. I would have loved to see Genesis involved, but I suspect they knew DOO was ending too soon and so they found a way to at least include his precense before actually adding him to the game.

I also have to wonder if this version of the OG’s story was so Angeal-focused because the Remake will include Genesis and how he will deal with the final battle against Sephiroth. Who can say?

Either way, it was sad and beautiful and it gave us Crisis Core fans a lot of satisfaction and understanding for these characters we loved but felt were a bit deprived by Crisis Core’s writing. It was lovely to have Angeal and Zack reaffirm over and over that the Firsts’ trio were such close friends that were ultimately torn apart by tragedy. They all loved each other dearly, and Sephiroth’s loss to darkness was a massive heartbreak for them. For Zack as well.

I found so many scenes interesting, but the spar tribute was my favorite. Originally, I thought it was Angeal’s attempt to bring Sephiroth back to himself, but I then realized it was Angeal having some fun with his old friend before the real battle began and it was time to end everything. It was like Angeal’s goodbye to Sephiroth ;-;

There are some scenes I may have to edit or retranslate again if anyone finds any mistakes, but hopefully most of it came out okay, and a big thanks to @ansfair on Twitter (please check out their translation as well!) for the extra help with certain scenes, as well as my Japanese-speaking friend! I want to eventually translate a bit more from Dissidia and the earlier scenes from when Angeal first showed up, but for now, I hope this is fun for you all to read!

Much love everyone! ❤️

#my translations #dissidia opera omnia #angeal hewley #sephiroth #zack fair #genesis rhapsodos #weiss the immaculate #cloud strife #tifa lockhart #ff7 og #ff7 #final fantasy 7 #crisis core #ffvii #japanese translations

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prezaki · 6 months

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Bucchigiri?! and 'being Honki' - a Show about Identity and Human Connection

With Hiroko Utsumi's newest work as a director now completed, I want to take a moment to discuss the thematic through-lines of Bucchigiri?! and explain why I think that the story was very coherent even if it first seemed erratic.

At the heart of the series is the concept of the Honki Person(TM) - and that's where the confusion starts. Leaving the word 'Honki' in Japanese for the subs suggests a lore-heavy emphasis on some kind of supernatural mechanic in-story. It caused many viewers expected a well-defined shounen-typical power system - but that isn't what Honki is nor what it was ever meant to be.

"Honki" is the Japanese word 本気, which means Seriousness, Earnestness (or doing something 'in earnest, for real' if used as an adverb). 'Honki People' literally just means 'Earnest People'

And thus "Honki" is doing double duty as a red herring Lore Concept and a regular word - an intentional ambiguity that is inevitably lost by translation.

In the show, the characters do initially think of the 'Honki Person' as a literal thing to become (a supernaturally powerful master martial artist) rather than as a state of being in which one is earnest - but the thing is that the narrative proves them wrong.

But before we get to that, we need to dig a little bit deeper into what a Honki Person is thought to be in-universe:

"Historically", those thought of as Honki were fighters who participated in conflicts 300 years ago - a bit after the end of the Sengoku Period, the continuously warring states that had defined Japan for two centuries. With the advent of the rigidly structured Edo Period, honorable fighters with no clear systemic alliance were no longer needed and the aspiring Honki People(TM) were mercilessly gunned down. This feels out of left field for an anime like Bucchigiri?! to focus on, so I propose a second more allegorical layer to impose over the literal pseudo-historical read.

Even beyond the historical fact that gun imports changed warfare, the usage of guns here is deliberate to represent something. Guns are associated with authorities, and contrasted against the Honki People(TM) shunning weapons and fighting only with their own bodies.

To be Honki(TM) means to be true to yourself and secure in your own identity - this is something that is a hindrance to a social system that relies on rules and groupthink to sustain itself. Supporting this assumption, the theme of 'death' by weapon/authority is mirrored in the show several times:

On the one hand, we have the NG Boys, a gang set apart from the other gangs in the story by their even more rigid hierarchical structure and their willingness to use weaponry. They all follow one leader, have one uniform look, and appear basically brainwashed into blind obedience.

The association of weapons=structure and authority is made pretty clearly through that alone, but is also enhanced by all the members of the NG Boys living under constant threat of being fed to the real authorities of society: the police. Fear keeps everyone in line.

And further, the idea of society as an oppressive force (especially to the lower class) is put into direct focus through Mitsukuni and Matakara. Poverty is brought up briefly before through Senya (our main Honki Person(TM) was a nameless orphan after all) and brought back with the Asamine brothers:

Mitsukuni wishes to escape his social status in order to offer a better life to his brother - and he's forcibly held down by the oppressive system around him.

The cop that causes Mitsukuni to go to jail is equivalent to the guns that shot Senya and Ichiya.

(Utsumi has explored this underlying socially critical current before. Not for nothing, her previous series SK8 opens with the memorable bridge of the title song reading: "before society can kill us".)

But Bucchigiri?! isn't about overthrowing the system. It's about the individual. Understanding the context about authority just helps setting the real theme into focus.

And that theme is to hold on steadfast to who you are and allow yourself to connect with others, even in various kinds of adversity.

After this long, long preamble, let's get to the actual main characters!!

Matakara and Arajin are people who are ruled by fear and who spend 11 episodes running from others and themselves in two very different ways.

Arajin is pretty hated as a protagonist, which amuses me a little, because nobody hates Arajin more than Arajin hates Arajin.

His past cowardice in failing to protect Matakara has clearly shown him that he is a pathetic person and he's spent his whole life since then trying to avoid being reminded of this. He avoids Matakara, the strongest reminder of his failure, but further than that he avoids connection with anybody that he could see as a peer.

Arajin is solely focused on finding love and romance because he feels inherently inferior to every person he would be invited to contrast himself against. He avoids other guys because he hates himself. He shuns connection and pursues only people (girls) he views as different enough to not invite any comparison.

Matakara meanwhile has major abandonment issues - he's lost his parents, Arajin, and his brother. Everyone important to him keeps vanishing from his life and in order to keep himself from feeling powerless about this he decides to blame himself.

If it's his own fault that people leave him (because he's weak) then there is something in his power that he can do in order to avoid being hurt again (becoming stronger). In order to maintain this state of motivational self-hatred, he puts others on a pedestal.

Matakara needs Arajin to be strong, powerful, honest and admirable... because that is the image he holds himself up by. In Mitsukuni and Arajin, Matakara creates god-like icons to chase after. And by doing so, he also shuns genuine connection.

Being confronted with Arajin as a flawed person gives Matakara a breakdown because it makes it harder to run from his own loneliness by focusing on chasing after Arajin.

Arajin is always running, but Matakara is always chasing... because he can't stand to look behind and face his monster.

In a lot of ways, Arajin and Matakara can't connect because they care about each other. Arajin can't stand what he allowed to happen to Matakara because he cared about Matakara. Matakara clings to Arajin because he loves him.

This theme of love hindering connection is again mirrored in two other characters - Senya and Ichiya, of course.

Ichiya, unwilling to confront his own terminal illness head-on, wishes to avoid it by goading Senya into killing him. By doing this, he can run from his own weakness and put Senya on a pedestal instead.

Meanwhile Senya is attached to their connection as-is and wishes to maintain this master-disciple dynamic forever - going so far as to deny his own strength in order to avoid acknowledging their changing dynamic.

Both of them are denying something about themselves.

It is their self-denial that makes their communication and thus connection break down.

Ichiya can't make Senya go Honki(TM) (which should have definitely been translated as an adverb here, e.g. 'failing to make him get serious') because he is also not HONEST with him or himself.

In the finale, Senya finally admits his motivations (his illness, his perceived weakness) and he is rewarded with the honest fight he'd been craving. They both stopped running.

This theme becomes even clearer through the two leads, of course, but even earlier than that it exists in Mahoro.

Mahoro's scene in episode 6 is the thematic linchpin that carried the whole show on its shoulders. Through Mahoro, everyone in the cast gets their first glimpse at true unrelenting Honki(tm) - and it is something totally unrelated to fighting prowess.

Mahoro is physically powerless against Akutaro, but she won't run. She has a heart that won't run away, the key quality of the Honki Person(TM), because she has an unshakable sense of self-identity.

It would be easy to dismiss her cutesy design as a contrivance to give Arajin a conventional-looking love interest despite going to Delinquent Academy - but it also says something about HER. Mahoro marches to the beat of her own drum. She does not care that she does not fit in, she does not mind being alone - she'll stick right to her own aesthetic and priorities.

So it's easy for her to call out Akutaro - and in doing so, call out the whole cast along with him:

You're empty. You are nothing but a shell, shaped by how you relate to those around you. You have nothing to offer.

And how are you supposed to connect with anybody, when you don't even know who you are?

(Notably, Mahoro is also a character who refuses to compromise on her self even for love - she knows she does not appeal to Marito, but she's not changing herself to be more his type. Her Honki does not budge, even for him.)

And lest you think I am exaggerating by connecting the theme of identity and emptiness back to all of the cast instead of just Akutaro: it does come back with Matakara.

Matakara can't believe anybody would know him and care for him, because he doesn't know himself.

For Matakara, facing himself means acknowledging his fear of abandonment rather than externalizing it as a hallucination of a literal monster.

But facing yourself doesn't just mean facing your demons, it also means facing your own positive qualities. And that is Arajin's story.

Even as Arajin turned into a scummy, evasive and selfish guy, there is a part of him that has a throughline to who he always was. He's someone who can get invested in others with reckless abandon.

Whether as a child with Matakara, or in the present with Mahoro... Arajin wants to connect.

Bucchigiri?! is a show full of innuendo and sexual gags. Merging with a genie gets equated to sex, fighting gets equated to sex... and of course this is for laughs, but it's also thematic.

Because all these things are about connection. About facing someone else with your whole self.

On a literal level, yes, Arajin absolutely wants to get laid. This is his sincere desire, and good for him.

But at the same time, his battle cry of 'I want to lose my virginity!' is him crying out for a real connection, even at a time when he shunned the idea thereof.

In the end, being a Honki Person(TM) has nothing to do with fighting. Fighting is the way a lot of the rough and tumble guys on the show like to connect, but it is not the only way to do so and not the only way to be Honki(TM).

Arajin never learns to love brawling - he did it out of circumstance and necessity, but it's not his hobby. He does not need to discover some hidden love of fighting, because this show fundamentally isn't about how 'fighting is inherently good' or anything.

It's a show about how even when you hate yourself and think you're as low as it can get, acknowledging your own self in full is the first step to finding a real bond with somebody else.

It just also happens to feature a bunch of delinquents who love to punch a lot.

#bucchigiri #bucchigiri?!#arajin tomoshibi #matakara asamine #mahoro jin #ported from my twitter thread bc i am proud of this

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