#i was mad today cuz my college makes me MAD

[noobsoconfusing]

pathetic lover_hamzahthefantastic

he’s quite literally a romantic at the heart, always playing this stupid tough guy game on camera, but oh, oh how different he is when the lenses are off.

it’s the way he begs, or how he is so fucking touch starved. maybe even the way he whines like a kicked dog. hamzah is tired, so so so tired of putting up an act, in reality he is just pathetic, always waiting for a command, for anything he can do to obey, to be good. to receive a praise, a touch, attention, affection.

he doesn’t even care, please just give him something, he needs you and is willing to take anything you give him. please, he’s not picky. hamzah would try so hard, so so so so hard to be good, to make you proud, to make you smile and to make you satisfied.

it’s almost comical how stupid he is for you, how down bad he can get. and to be fair, it’s understandable the craving for your approval, for your attention and time…

he has never had anyone like you –or anyone at all–, you care, you love and you give him everything he needs, just like he does with you.

so if you’re away, maybe at college, or working, or just doing groceries, he would just spam your messages because he needs you, and he needs to know if you need him too.

‘need you’

‘when are you coming back?’

‘i miss you y/n…’

‘can you come home early today?’

‘cats and i miss you a lot btw if you even care..’

‘baby please i miss you just come hoooome!!’

‘ive been good btw’

‘want me to make u dinner? want to order anything?’

he’s so stupid, he’s literally like a puppy following you around everywhere you go. whining when you leave his side for more than 0.3 seconds.

feels physical pain whenever you raise your voice at him or ignore him –which you never really do but hey, there’s been times– and apologises so so so much it’s so fucking worrying how much he says sorry even if you’re not mad at all.

dude is so down bad he would steal your clothes and use them to get off, just inhaling your scent and imagining you’re right there helping him up, so fucking embarrassing how quickly he cums at the thought of you alone..

probably the type to audible whimper when you accidentally touch his body while doing anything not sex related too.. do not blame him though he’s just super fucking touch starved :(

if hamzah could, he would throw himself flat on the ground like a rug so you didn’t have to walk on it, man is entirely whipped, his brain shuts off whenever he is with you.

>_<

this is just a recurring thought i have 0_0 it’d be cool if someone elaborated on it idk i just had to get it off my chest… also just an excuse to write sub hamzah cuz uhhhh yeah..

[lucasoliko]

Something i might color like actually color eventually.... maybe even render..... idk he's just so pretty i want to draw him forever

[kitasgloves]

You're an Inarizaki graduate in a relationship with the SAKUSA KIYOOMI. You were close with the Miya bros, especially Atsumu, and friends with the entire Inarizaki volleyball club. You already had a longtime crush on Sakusa when you watched the practice match between Inarizaki and Itachiyama. You were forever grateful that Atsumu forced you to watch game because you wouldn't be able to have seen Sakusa.

You're working as PR in the MSBY Black Jackals and got reunited with Atsumu (unfortunately). He knows your big fat crush on Sakusa and tries to be your wingman. His plan? He gets you drunk in a party and forces you in a room alone with Sakusa. He claimed it would give you the enough courage to confess.

You confessed but you couldn't remember what Sakusa's reaction was. It ended up with Sakusa taking you to his place because you're incredibly drunk and unable to get home on your own. You woke up to the worst hungover since college and a shirtless Sakusa making breakfast calling you 'darling'.

The rest is history. You and Sakusa have been together for more than two years. Although you two seemed like the ideal couple, there has been frequent verbal fights lately. It mostly had something to do with conflicting schedules and a lot of dates cancelled. Sakusa was a busy athlete and your job as the PR didn't mix well with his hectic schedule.

"This is the fifth time that I have to cancel reservation, Omi!"

"Then just stop making reservations! You know how busy I am so don't get mad that I couldn't make up to our date!"

"You could've at least made an effort to! Or say sorry!"

"We've gone through this over and over again [Name] and I'm getting sick of it"

"So, what? You're sick of me?"

"Maybe I am!"

This argument was different from the previous. You were left stunned as Sakusa breathlessly glared at you, shattering your heart into smithereens. Immediately, your eyes felt wet as you turned around, grabbed your keys, phone, and wallet and stormed out of the apartment. You completely missed the sheer regret that erupted on Sakusa's face.

You called up Atsumu and asked to meet up at Onigiri Miya. When you arrived there and saw the blonde setter, you quickly went in for a hug and sobbed your poor heart out. Atsumu knew you had another fight with your boyfriend since you've been telling him about it for the past few days. It seemed like today, a line was crossed.

Sakusa tried reaching your phone but you have put your phone in airplane mode. Osamu kindly made you your favorite onigiri as you told them about the fight. Of course, the twins took over your side because they've known you for a very long time. You stayed over at Osamu's and had a sleepover with the Miya twins.

The next day, Sakusa was driving all the way to Osamu's place. He has found your whereabouts through his cousin Komori who he got from his teammate, Suna Rintaro. He sucked in a breath and knocked on the door. What he was not expecting was a very serious-faced Atsumu Miya answering the door.

"The hell are ya doin' here?"

"I need to pick up my girlfriend"

"She doesn't wanna be with ya right now"

"That's none of your business, Miya"

Atsumu gives Sakusa a humorless laugh and gives him the most intimidating glare that Sakusa has ever seen from him. Usually, the blonde setter is all smirks and smiles but seeing this death glare from him actually made Sakusa physically shiver.

"Ya made her cry all the way over here sayin' that yer sick of her! Do ya have any idea of the amount of effort she puts in scheduling a dinner fer the both of ya 'cuz she misses ya so much?"

Sakusa was officially speechless as he gulped. He rigidly stands there and gets his well-deserved scolding from Atsumu Miya of all people.

"[Name] means a lot to me 'cuz she's like a sister so if I ever catch her cry 'cuz of you again, I will personally beat yer ass then skin ya alive and give ya some bonus ass whoopin' from Osamu and the entire Inarizaki alumni"

Atsumu warned him. And Sakusa makes sure to keep that in mind. The blonde sighs and finally takes a step aside from the door.

"Go apologize to her and make up, Omi-kun"

Sakusa doesn't need to be told twice as he rushed inside the apartment, not bothering to take off his shoes and pounced at you in the kitchen. You just woke up but you were pleasantly surprised with your boyfriend profusely apologizing to you.

Osamu places a hand on his hip and looked at his twin. Atsumu was smiling as if he didn't just threatened Sakusa earlier.

"What did ya tell him?"

"Oh nothing, just gave him a little warnin' that's all"

Osamu knows Atsumu is a lying piece of shit.

[hotchfiles]

❝ ['CUZ YOU'RE A NATURAL] ❞ — a in this house of mine prequel ; MDNI!

pairing: aaron hotchner x rossi!reader. summary: not having a crush on your dad's friend and co-worker should be rule number one. but what are rules when said friend is aaron hotchner? content warnings: this is suggestive at best. foul language? still let's go with MDNI! age-gap flirting. word count: 1k. a/n: might do a pt.2, i just needed to get this out of my brain.

He’s just pretending not to notice it at this point, which isn’t easy coming from a person who notices everything. Coming from the man who helped build the unit that literally analyzes people for a living. 

Granted he wasn’t the most present of fathers and he wasn’t even sure if your mother was his second or third ex-wife anymore, but he knew human behavior, and human behavior clearly showed there was no reason for you to be there, “Kid, I’m sure you hate sports of any kind.” David comments, observing as you make sure Jack’s shoes are tight and won’t get in his way. 

“Well dear father, actually, I was a cheerleader for my last three high school years. And the first two college ones.” He knows that, and you know he knows it, but your best way out of the mess you were purposefully getting into right now was to appeal to the guilt you knew he still had from not being around much. “Base of the pyramid, very important, sporty, love sports.” You noticed you were going on for too long and shut your yapper.

Lucky for you Aaron didn’t seem to mind the two of you discussing, busy watching his baby boy with the most sweetest look on his face, he looks ethereal, his smile the most enchanting you’ve ever seen. 

You can feel your father’s glance going from you to Aaron slowly, he’s observing, analyzing but trying hard to ignore the signs. The signs that you weren’t there for some dad and daughter bonding.

Unless the dad in question was Hotchner.

The sole reason you had put yourself in short rounded skirt, sports short underneath, gym sneakers and shirt, and an old baseball cap to make it look like it wasn't so out of the norm for you to be at an event like that. It was. Your dad was right, you didn't like sports, you liked cheer squad and the parties and the players, not the game. But you had your eyes set on the coach today which is why you were there instead of working on your masters' assignments.

You couldn't even pretend to know what was going on, if it was football you had some experience from watching and hearing past flings talk about it, but soccer? You could only cheer for Jack and bicker with the soccer moms around as they talked about how much better their children were.

"Hey, lady if your son gets that close to Jack again I'm gonna jump him." You point your finger at one of them, decorum almost goes to hell as she begins walking in your direction, Rossi stepping in the way to apologize for your behavior.

Oh. You can't just threaten to hurt kids. That's not okay. "Sorry, just used to fighting with guys' girlfriends to defend my team. Cheer squad reflex memory." You say lowly directly to Aaron, not even bothering to apologize to your father. Your cheeks tomato red, a combination from the embarrassment and the sun that was making everyone sweat.

"It's fine, she has to teach her son fair play anyway, he's not gonna go far like that." His expression doesn't show even one single sign of being mad at you, you notice it, Rossi notices it. Aaron's actually smiling, completely amused by the situation.

It was nice to have someone sticking up for his boy like that.

And to have someone look at him with those eyes. Not the aw you're such a good dad eyes most mothers gave him when he's around for matches. Nope. The please fuck me eyes you always shot at him even if your father was around. For the sake of his loyalty to Rossi he pretended not to see it, as he knew Rossi did too. He hoped David didn't notice the eyes he himself gave you though, or that if he did, he was kind enough to ignore it, Aaron would never act on it. Never. He was twice your age if not more even if he weren't friends with David.

Still, he enjoyed the touches, the stolen glances, the way you wore your short dresses and skirts around him, the way you showed you cared above the desire for the unobtainable. How you sent him cute videos with show Jack as a caption, how you remembered to bring a towel not for yourself, but to pat his face dry, delicate as ever.

"People will think you were the one playing sweating like this." You go through his face and his neck with it, handing him a water bottle after. You brought those yourself too, you wanted to be useful.

Before he can hold it back, a smirk deliciously mischievous takes grip of his lips, "What can I say dear, I tend to sweat a bit when I'm doing any type of exercise." You're not sure if you wished you hadn't caught the innuendo of his reply, as you were now fighting hard not to squirm in front of him. Oh you wanted nothing more than to be the one making him sweat.

"Good thing your bedroom has an A.C then." You say almost mindlessly, panicking just a tad when you grasped the idea that maybe remembering that so easily wasn't the most normal thing to do. Did you just sound obsessive? Stalkerish? You think not when he chuckles, nodding in agreement.

You both just look at each other for a minute, breathing patterns completely irregular, being interrupted only by your father loudly coughing from some steps away from you both, tired of having to deal with the obvious tension between his daughter and his co-worker, his friend! Rossi doesn't say anything else though. And neither does Aaron or you, deciding to just go back to paying attention to the match.

But Hotch had just got you an in. If he hadn't flirted back you might just keep it as a crush, but now?

Now you needed him.

[twistersobsessed]

you write for Scott there isn't enough of him!!! He come off as a guy who would super jealous protective and Possessive over his girl. Could you do something where the reader and Scott are together married or engaged your pick. Tyler keeps hitting on the reader just to get a rise out of Scott and throw him off his storm game the reader knows what tyler is playing at and laughs it off but Scott can't. Turns out he let's it get to him cuz he is scared to lose the readerand the reader explains to him she only wants him for always and forever. You can end it in sweet smut if you like.

jealousy, jealousy | Scott x Reader Drabble

A/N: My smut inspiration is lacking right now.

You and Scott had been married for a year now. You’d met when Storm Par was just developing, and funnily enough, you’d hated one another at first. Javi brought you onboard, you were friends in high school and had grown really close after his tragedy with his friends in college.

Much like how Scott reacted to Kate, he thought you were a useless addition and a distraction for Javi. But you proved yourself to be a good worker, and you always matched his attitude which he actually found rather attractive.

You started dating a few months after you met, and dated for two years before he proposed. Everyone on the team was happy for you and since your “bosses” were just investors, you weren’t separated at work. Leading you to when Javi brought Kate on board.

Scott Miller loved his wife and hated Tyler Owens. Tyler and Scott particularly did not like each other, and being the little shit starter he was, Tyler would often flirt with you in front of Scott to piss him off.

Today was one of those days, as Tyler came up to you when you were standing with Scott and began laying on the charm. You could feel Scott tensing beside you. You placed a comforting hand on his arm and warmly laughed Tyler off.

Tyler would always back off once you told him it was enough, so he bid you goodbye, continuing to not acknowledge Scott.

Scott remained tense even after Owens had left. A scowl was permanent on his face. “Honey, he’s just trying to get to you,” you tried to soothe him. But Scott turned around without a word and headed for the truck, guiding you along with a firm hand on your back.

He was in a sour mood for the rest of the day, and by the time the two of you had settled into a motel room for the night, you’d had enough of it.

“Scott,” you demanded his attention. He turned to look at you. You reached up a hand to cradle his face. “What’s wrong? Talk to me. I know you don’t like Tyler but he only flirts with me to make you mad, he doesn’t mean it. And I know you know that, so what’s up?”

Scott took in a deep breath. He absolutely hated being vulnerable but something about you always had him bearing his soul. “I’m scared of losing you.”

“Oh, Scottie,” you cooed, climbing into his lap. “You’ll never lose me. I’m yours. I love you more than I will ever love anybody else.”

Scott’s breath hitched, his hands settling on your hips. “You mean that?”

You pressed your lips to his, kissing him sweetly before pulling back. “Of course I do.”

Scott smiled. “I love you, (Name).”

[whore-era]

collage!ellie x reader hcs? <3

a/n: im gonna assume u meant college!ellie so HERE IT GOES just for you anon friend <3 sorry for how short it is kfkdkkd

tlou 2 university: college!ellie x reader headcanons <3 18+

i have a feeling ellie is either a biology major, engineering major, or a physics/astrophysics major (cuz our girl loooves space), meaning she's extremely intelligent and does very well in class!! she's always answering the professor's questions, taking notes, paying attention. when you struggle with any science/math related subjects, she's ALWAYS willing to tutor you. but, this doesn't mean she's just gonna give you the answers, she's gonna make sure you actually learn and study, even using any means possible — like having you strip off a piece of clothing every time you get an answer wrong and making it a fun time for the both of you.

when you have important projects/papers/quizzes/exams to do that day, she'll make sure to send an encouraging message. don't get me wrong, she always does, but on especially important days like these, she'll always make sure to send an extra special one <3 'good morning baby! you're gonna fucking KILL this chemistry exam babe! you worked your ass off and you're gonna do amazing and get the highest score ❤️ i love you my smart girl let me know what you get when you're done' 'ty els <3 i love you most babe ! i'm abt to start talk to u laterrrr 🏃🏻‍♀️'

ellie will always fulfill her girlfriend duties and walk you to and pick you from classes! even tho she's always a tiny bit late because your class was all the way across campus from hers, but she wants to make sure you're protected and safe so she doesn't care either way! and she'll always carry your books for you, making sure you don't strain or 'hurt' yourself (her words not yours). "els, i have two, capable working arms!!" you whine, as she takes the textbook off your hands, "and so? what if you get a muscle spasm? or you sprain your hand?" she retorts, "by a two pound book?" ellie shrugs, "the possibility is never zero, babe."

when ellie has a project or an essay to work on, it'll be a little difficult to reach her as she gets in the zone when she's working. you'll probably send her some texts throughout the day to check in on her, but as the day progresses you'll find yourself worrying and thinking about stopping by her dorm with dinner because you already know she hadn't ate all day from being cooped up in her room typing away:

you - 9:30 am: els! just got out of class!! gnna go get some lunch w jesse :) hope ur doin okay <3

you - 11:45 am: miss u babe hope ur work is coming along great !!!

you - 2:21 pm: havent heard from u......kinda worried....hope u have been eating n staying hydrated missy >:(

you - 5:56 pm: ok i'm On my way! to ur dorm rn w/ dinner i already know u haven't ate yet n ur gonna feel my wrath

you - 5:56 pm: ignore that extremely enthusiastic On my way! it autocorrected im still mad at u

hearing the booming pounding on her door, ellie takes off her earbuds and walks to the door, opening it. to her surprise, you're standing there, take-out in hand, and a grumpy expression gracing your face. "do you know what time it is? have you even ate yet, ellie williams-miller?" ellie grimaces at the sound of her full, government name leaving your lips. "i'm so sorry, babe. i was working all day, i didn't even realize how much time had passed 'til you showed up," ellie mutters, her stomach grumbling on cue. you hand her the take-out from her favorite spot on campus, and she graciously takes it from your hands. "you better be thankful you have a very caring and worrisome girlfriend, els," you say, "i really missed you today." a smile curls on ellie's lips, "i know, baby. here, let me take a little break from my paper, and i'll make it up to you, yeah?"

and that night, ellie was extremely thankful she worked on most of her paper, as she completely disregarded anymore work as she decided she'd rather fulfill her appetite by eating you out instead. leaving her take-out cold and untouched. but hey, she held her part of the deal and indeed made it up to you.

that was also how 5 papers ended up taped up against her dorm-room door, complaining of the 'fucking loud ass moans' the morning after.

"how'd they even know it was us?" ellie queries, reading over the complaints. "oh wait, it says here 'please tell your girlfriend to keep it down. she was screaming your name all night. thank you for reminding us who lives in dorm 114.'" needless to say, you were red as a tomato and it gutted you to leave her dorm, feeling everyone's eyes on you as you walked down the hall.

let me know if yall would like more college!ellie hcs!! <3

[shi-daisy]

Misery Business

Day 7 for best boy, this week flew by but let's keep giving Tam love! For the final day I chose to make a songfic and drag everyone back t9 their emo era (not mine, I'm still on it!) And also Elain dunking cuz rereading has made me super salty, apologies to the cross shippers. So enjoy modern-college- band AU with Tamcien and Paramore. Hope you like!

@tamlinweek

Tamlin Week 2024- Day 7: Free Day (Songfic)

Misery Business

I'm in the business of misery

Let's take it from the top

She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock

It's a matter of time before we all run out

When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth

They were all standing in the middle of the campus with their mouths agape. Daphne had dropped her books, Azalea's tan skin was pale and Tamlin knew he hadn't fainted because Tamarand held him in place despite his shock.

Lucien and Elain were kissing. Not a French kiss but not a chaste one either. Both he and the triplets were nauseous and rushed off before they could be seen.

"I'm calling Dore to pick Tam up!"

"I have agricultural science after this, Lea! I can't skip-" He tried to protest but his younger sister stopped him.

"Tell me you can sit beside Elain without throwing up and I'll let you stay!" His sister said.

Tamlin wouldn't argue with that. Tamarand and Azalea stayed in college while Daphne who was done with class left with him and Dorevan.

The eldest sibling made a detour for chicken wings and ice cream. "Mom and Dad are coming back today business trip in the meantime Mama Ophelia and Mama Asteria will keep us company." He said.

"Mama will help with the broken heart. She's good with words."

Tamlin knew that to be true. Their head housekeeper and her wife had become family to the Evergreens before he was even born, so when they chose to start a family his father had been more than willing to help them, getting him and his brothers triplet half siblings he loved more than anything and two more parents he desperatly wanted to see.

Asteria had the living room ready with cushions and greeted him with a hug. "It's okay, sweetie. It'll be okay."

"Its my fault Mama. I never told him! I can't be mad about this!"

"Darling if there's anything I know well is that things have a way of working themselves out. If this isn't meant for Lucien then in time you'll get the redhead back, and will be able to confess."

He decided to trust Asteria's council.

I waited eight long months

She finally set him free

I told him I couldn't lie he was the only one for me

Two weeks we caught on fire

She's got it out for me

But I wear the biggest smile

In the coming months he was supotive of his best friend turned crush, while he cried on his siblings shoulders. Tamarand and Dorevan left for military service and Azalea soon started residency in another town, which left Daphne and Andras to cheer him up along with the rest of the band.

During practice Ophelia had nearly drowned them in snacks. Nemesis took his place at the drums while Daphne picked up the bass and Andras the keyboard. Only Feyre and Lucien were left.

He was surprised to see his mother also coming down to the basement with them. Bringing tissues and blankets left on their grey sofa.

Feyre was letting Lucien cry on her shoulder and it looked like she'd been in a fight.

"What the fuck happened?" Andras asked.

"Lulu got dumped and I threw hands with my sister." Feyre said with a grin as if her eye wasn't bruised and he didn't catch a long hair stuck in between her nails.

Band practice was canceled and they all focused on comforting Lucien. Rosabella and Ophelia made sure they were cozy and even barred Oisin himself for making a single comment. Tamlin tried not laugh at his father's defeated look and acceptance of the 'pity party' now taking place in the basement.

"Ugh, well that was a waste of eight months and for The Syphons guitarist?! That band has as much charisma as wet paper towel!" Andras ranted as he took a spoonful of cookie dough ice cream and then passed the pint to Feyre.

"Ugh I know! I can't believe their front man is a creep! Man should be in jail, I knew that martini was spiked just from smelling it!" She said. "Like dude, I am not into men and if I was it wouldn't be your manipulative, self centered, entitled ass!"

"Is that why Ness dumped their bass player?" Daphne asked as she took the ice cream.

"Nah, she said the man always prioritized Rhysand over her. Maybe they should get together and leave everyone else alone!"

The group laughed but Tamlin was only half listening to the conversation, his focus was on Lucien. Nemesis had all but fed him his ice cream and soda and tucked him in letting him lean on Tamlin's shoulder.

He was relieved but also so very sad, because despite his dislike for Elain or his wish to have Lucien by his side, Tamlin wanted to see Lucien happy. His tears all felt like a burn.

Two hours later, the others were leaving. Asteria offered to let Lucien spend the night and winked at him as she left.

They stayed still on the basement sofa for a bit. Eventually Lucien spoke.

"How come I can stay with you but Andras can't stay over with Daphne?"

"Because neither of us can get pregnant."

For the first time that night he heard Lucien laugh, and that was all the push needed to not let him be stolen away again.

"Luce. I know it might not be the best time now but I have something important to tell you."

"Oh sure. I always love hearing from you! What is it?"

Tamlin took a breath. "I love you. I been in love with you since we were young. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to ruin our friendship but...I don't want to ever see you slip away again, without saying anything.

You're the only one for me and I love you, but I'll respect any decision you make."

Lucien was surprised for a moment but then he smiled and planted a soft kiss upon his lips. "I never thought I'd hear this from you but it makes me very happy.

The truth is I've realized my feelings for you also go beyond frienship. Elain's been dead set on having me focus on college and the future and despite it being slightly overbearing I obliged. But when she suggested I drop off the band and cut you off as a friend I vehemently refused and nearly broke things off myself. She did it for me and well...even if it was time wasted it still hurt, but not as much as it would hurt if I lost you.

It'll be a while until I'm over it, but it'd like to be with you if you'll have me."

"Always."

The next two weeks were full of dates, band practice, and of course lustful fire. His sweet Lucien was all but glued to him except for classes and while they prepared for auditons he also made time for cuddles and less innocent moments between them. Tamlin couldn't be happier, his grades were even improving.

'Ciaran's gonna think I stole his weed stash while he's wedding planning.' He thought as he put everything away in his lab locker. He hadn't noticed Elain standing beside him, glaring ar him.

Tamlin didn't mind, rather her smiled at her sweetly. "Hello Elain."

Whoa, I never meant to brag

But I got him where I want him now

Whoa, it was never my intention to brag

To steal it all away from you now

But, God, does it feel so good

'Cause I got him where I want him now

And if you could then you know you would

'Cause, God, it just feels so

It just feels so good

"We need to talk about Lucien."

"What about him?"

"You're derailing him!"

"Pardon?"

"Lucien is studying to run his father's business, your constant band practice is derailing him from that!"

He laughed. Tamlin knew Lucien's history and intentions better than the woman before him. He'd heard it from his beloved himself. 'Mother and Beron were force to wed and after they had Nemesis and Eris to get their families off their backs they amicably divorced and wedded who they actually loved, I'm the result of Mama's second marriage.'

Lucien wasn't in need to inherit anything, he was the youngest of the Spellcleaver children and unlike Beron's one track mind and high expectations Helion was a relaxed father and worker. The redhead could do as he pleased and only studied for the sake of a degree. His true goals were the band, just like him, just like the others. Funny how Elain didn't know that.

"You really just wasted his time, huh."

"What?"

"If you knew Lucien like I do, you'd know he's a musician first and businessman second. I have no doubts he could excel there if he wanted to, but Luce told me himself his goal was to play, not to do paperwork.

The only reason you're telling me this is because auditions are next month and you want us to fail against your boyfriend's precious band. Don't you?"

"That is not true! I'm saying this because I care about Lucien and you're dragging him down!"

"Please, you didn't even bother to know him. You just wanted to change him into what your perfect man. But Lucien isn't stupid, and he's certainly not one to chase unhappiness.

You're just livid he's moved on quickly and didn't entertain your bullshit. It's not often a man tells you no, is it flower girl?"

"How dare you?!"

"I'm his partner sweetie, I dare defend him because that's my duty. A duty you never upheld when having said title. Let me tell you, you missed out. There's no better man than him and there's no better revenge that having him live well without you.

So keep on yelling at the void. None of us will listen, much less Luce. We're too busy being happy and getting ready to get signed."

With that he left the lab, putting away his lab coat and letting the hickeys Lucien made be seen without the protective clothes. He knew she glared at him even when his back was turned and he left.

Tamlin Evergreen wasn't one to gloat but he enjoyed this more than he should.

I watched his wildest dreams come true

Not one of them involving you

Just watch my wildest dreams come true

Not one of them involving-

It was a perfect night. No other performance of theirs had been this good, and despite big brown eyes being present in the audience Lucien's gaze only went to his family, their managers Vassa and Jurien, and the talent agent who'd sign them if they won this. However when it came to love songs, Lucien only looked at him. Tamlin reciprocated.

By the end of the night they all wrote their names on a recording contract. Both Lucien and Vassa bounced so much he thought they'd break the floor. Jurian spun Feyre around in a hug and Nemesis was squishing him, Andras, and Daphne into a group cuddle. Once the papers were signed and everything was settled he ran into his beloved's arms. "We did it! I'm so happy!"

"Me too sunshine, me too." Tamlin said.

Whoa, I never meant to brag

But I got him where I want him now

Whoa, it was never my intention to brag

To steal it all away from you now

But, God, does it feel so good

'Cause I got him where I want him now

And if you could then you know you would

'Cause, God, it just feels so

It just feels so good

"Why are the Syphon's still on the waiting area? They got a contract too?" Lucien asked as he and Tamlin walked out of the office and into the hall.

Their rival band was still waiting, an exasperated Cassian slumped onto a sofa while Amren made calls and Azriel and Elain looked tired as hell.

"Nope. Rhysand contested their lost and got into a fistfight with the agent. The others are probably waiting to get a bail for batsy frontman."

Nemesis chuckled. "I know they say to act like rockstars but this is a bit too much. I'll go get the van, wait here. Feyre text Lena before she goes overboard with the celebration party."

"Gotcha! I'll make sure she doesn't go overboard."

"Let her. Tonight's for celebration!" Daphne said while she jumped.

"Hey! Not too much celebration! You're not gonna drink for the next nine months!" Andras tried to reel in his girlfriend.

"No but I'm eating for two!"

Tamlin laughed at the chaos of his friends and band mates, he finally got his dream come true, and beside him was the man he wanted to share it with.

"After we're done with the party, want to up to the roof and stargaze? Lunara's been teaching me how to read zodiac. I feel I predicted our win quite well."

Lucien smiled. "That you did. I'll be happy to oblige you. There's something I must know if you cam predict."

Tamlin tilted his head but nodded, unaware that there was wedding ring in Lucien's pocket intended to be given tonight.

He glancef at their rivals one last time before the honk of the van hurried them to leave. He'd gotten everything he wanted from all rivals, including the romantic. It was so good to finally have the upper hand.

Lucien all but princess carried him as they had one last kiss before heading home.

[wellthatsunfortunate444]

this is gonna be a long ass rant about my 'friend' feel free to ignore, i just need to get this out somewhere cuz im literally shaking she makes me so mad <3

i have this friend, S, and she always goes on about how we are so close and she loves me and she hopes college (im in the uk so its college for 16-18) doesnt separate us and that we stay close etc etc.

but then shes such a bitch and i rlly dont know why im still friends with her. shes rlly insensitive about sh, i mentioned to her when i was younger that i did it and she was supportive, but now she makes jokes about it all the time and she doesnt know i didnt stop at 13.

i have a lot of family issues, and shes well aware of them, but she always tries to make me feel guilty about stuff e.g my mum has adhd and my younger brother has autism & adhd (im considered a young carer) and they both have physical health issues, so it can take ages for me to be able to leave the house if im getting dropped off. theres no bus that goes direct to her house (and i dont want to have to walk over an hour everytime i see her. i could but adding on the bus journey i would spend about 2 hours travelling just to see her, and she always insists i go to her so it would be rlly unfair. (i cant have friends over due to multiple reasons and omg does she bitch about that. she could still come to my town with me but she never has)) and i cant afford to uber all the time so my mum often drives me but we are late a lot. ive told her countless times that i cant control when i leave since there are so many outside factors out of my hands, and she always complains when im late and says its disrespectful that i dont turn up on time among other things.

shes an only child and lives with both parents who do everything for her, so she cant even begin to understand how stressful basic things can be for me and my family. my dad doesnt live with me (he also is undergoing treatment for brain cancer which she doesnt give a shit about, and even says stuff like "oh well you can still go out even if hes visiting, its not that big of a deal" if i tell her i cant go out cuz hes over on a break from chemo)

now shes mad at me because we are going to a mutual sleepover tmrw and she wanted to host pre drinks (which i honestly think is kinda pointless) with another friend before walking to the sleepover together. i asked my mum if she would take me and she initially said yes, but then she changed her mind because its easier to drop me to the mutual friends house from mine, and she doesnt see the point in driving further just for me to have to walk 30 minutes from S's house anyway. when i told S, she said that i was making excuses cuz i didnt wanna go, and that i dont make enough effort since if it were her she would just go anyway (ofc she would bc her parents do whatever she wants in fear of her having a tantrum). no matter how much i tried to explain that i cant change my mums mind, and that if i walk the 30 minutes to hers and then walk with her back to where i was dropped then 1. thats over an hour i have to walk for with my big overnight bag which i dont rlly wanna do, and 2. we will be late because im getting dropped when the sleepover starts.

she also brought up the fact that im often late to her, and said i shouldnt cancel the night before but i messaged her in the morning and she didnt reply, and also i only found out my mum would take me today so theres nothing i can do???

she tried to excuse it by saying shes frustrated that i cant go, and i told her thats not an excuse to suggest its my fault or to say im making excuses, and she left me on read.

shes such a bitch i cant wait to go to college and never have to see her again shes so self absorbed.

i get that its annoying, dont you think im fucking annoyed and i have to live it. and i havent even listed all the issues in this post. she only cares about how my life effects her, and never once has she checked if im ok despite me saying im stressed. i get shes not obligated to check on me, but she constantly goes on about how she loves me and she really doesnt act like it. even friends that i barely talk to have checked in on me after hearing about my home life.

i rlly do like her, and we could be so close if she was just less self absorbed. i cant bring myself to see her as a real friend, because she cant accept a giant part of my life and it really fucking hurts.

she makes me feel like im a terrible person, but theres nothing i can do to fix it. i fucking wish my life was more normal but its not and it never will be so highlighting that its not normal does nothing but make me feel like shit.

[alex-guerin]

I had a Death Wish when I left for work today. I was backing out of the driveway and saw something hanging from our little garden flag. I had noticed it last night when I got home but thought it was something Coonhound related (we have 3 and my mom is obsessed with them so....). So, I hadn't thought anything of it.

Then I saw it...a flag with Trump's mugshot on an old fashioned wanted poster saying, "WANTED FOR PRESIDENT" I slammed on my breaks, threw my Jeep in park, got out and ripped it off it's little flag pole so fast I'm surprised nothing ripped or broke. I crumpled it up and threw it on the floor of the front seat and left for work. Got to work and took this ransom photo

Which I then proceeded to send to my mom along with this message

Now, I admit, I probably should have phrased some things differently, and I probably should have left out the swearing, and waited until I cooled down a bit before texting her,but every time I saw that damned flag, I'd just get pissed off all over again, so I gave no fucks and did it anyway.

Unfortunately, my mother had a reply of her own.

I left her on Read.

Now, nowhere did I happen to mention God or religion when I texted her. So where did this rant about God come from? And secondly, me going to college was HER idea. I did not WANT to go to college and be up to my eyeballs in debt. I couldn't think of anything that interested me enough to want to get a degree in that would make me any money. This didn't matter to her. She didn't care if I, and I quote, "get a degree in Underwater Basket Weaving! Just get a degree in SOMETHING!" so that I wouldn't end up working in a warehouse like she had for so many years.

Well. Oops? Looks like that backfired on her and now she's mad cuz I'm working in a warehouse and I have a different view of things from her. Both her fault.

Anyway, I digress.

When I got home, this took place...

I walked in the door, said hi to the dogs, gave Goose his medicine and went to go upstairs...

Mom: WHERE is my flag?

Me: *having folded it up respectfully instead of throwing it out in the garbage at work like I wanted to* Under the cookies I brought home on the counter.

Mom: Good! It better be.

Me: *walking behind her at her computer to get to the stairs, rolling my eyes and trying not to let out an audible sigh of resignation. Get to the stairs...*

Mom: And I do NOT appreciate you infringing on MY First Amendment Rights! This is the SECOND TIME you've done it to me, and it's going to stop!

Me: *under my breath, pretending not to have heard her* Ah yes. Good ol' Freedom of Speech. The only one the Trumpers know, and they are the only ones allowed to exercise it...

Now, dear well-meaning friends...please do not tell me I need to get out of this house (I already know this, I've known for a while, keep walking please), that I do not HAVE to stay here (will you find me a cheap apartment that will let me keep my cats and is close to work...), believe me when I say...no fucking shit. However, as already stated, it's very difficult to find apartments less than 40 minutes from my job that will let me have my boys. Believe me, I have looked. And the ones that WILL allow my boys, want a stupid amount of rent.

For those who fear my mother my throw me out...valid, I sometimes fear that myself. Then I remember, oh yeah, I pay my dad $440/month in "rent", which is literally half the mortgage payment. So even though my mom refuses to admit that I pay half the mortgage, and even though my name is nowhere on the mortgage paperwork, I am literally paying half the mortgage, and without my "rent" money...they wouldn't be able to make their mortgage payments. So they need me to stay so they don't risk losing the house. Thus, she won't kick me out.

I seem to have this knack for pissing her off. We butt heads on so many things, and I think part of what makes her so mad is that in the last few years, I've finally started trying to stand up for myself and not let her try to dictate my life for me. I'm not the timid little six year old who hangs off her every word and never questions anything, just blindly does what they're told. I have my own views. My own beliefs. My own opinions. And I don't think she likes that.

And what's worse, she likes to remind me that I'm just like my father...and I honestly can't remember the last time she had anything good or positive to say about him. I actually don't think I have EVER heard her truly say anything good or positive about him. She's always bitching to me about him. I think she also forgets I am half her DNA also. So like, I got her stubbornness and being ornery and independent streak.

😮‍💨 Sorry. I know people avoid RL Blogging and it's annoying to see someone whining about their life. I just needed to get it off my chest.

[m00nryy]

W: 🔞

—

Pei Ming is hosting a party after college graduation, he wanted to have one last young and wild memory before they have to fully become adults and work their asses off to survive this crazy world.

All around people are dancing, drinking and having fun, It's the end of their college lifes, the end of living careless, of partying every weekend not caring to go to class with a hangover on monday, so they have to make the most of it.

Next day will be time for them to become adults, responsible adults, provide for themselves, maybe build families, maybe not, but today it's time to party and enjoy life.

In a more quiet corner Pei Ming, Feng Xin, Xie Lian, Hua Cheng, Mu Qing, Ling Wen and Shi Qingxuan are sitting in a circle playing a cards game.

Beer bottles are scattered all around them and they can barely hear each other through the loud music and chatter of others.

Xl "tell your most embarrassing moment- ooh that's kinda hard"

Mq "haha yeah, cuz you have a lot of those, how can one possibly choose the most embarrassing of them"

Hc "yet they can't never be more embarrassing then your existence alone Mq"

Mq growls in annoyance at Hc's smirk smile. Hc has his arms wrapped around Xl's shoulders, with a smug posture and an air of protectiveness surrounding him.

Xl "Sang Lang!"

Hc only gives Xl a inocente smile and doesn't say anything else.

After Xl's answer the game continues in its previous playful atmosphere for a while.

It's now Mq's turn, he draws the card and falls silent immediately after reading it.

Everyone stares at him waiting in anticipation, but he says nothing.

Sq "c'mon, what does it say? Tell us!!"

Mq clears his throat, eyes fixated on the card, he's unsure if this will end well.

After some more minutes he gathered his courage to read the card out loud.

Mq "place an ice cube in your mouth and make out with the player on your left until the ice cube melts"

Pm "ho ho"

Lw "oh my"

The group try to hide their giggles as everyone stare at the person on Mq's left, who seems like he didn't get it yet, he looked back at them confused.

Fx "what're you all staring at me for?"

Pm "are you dumb? YOU'RE the person on his left"

Now he got it.

He looked at Mq who was looking the other way, and back at the group, with a expression on his face no one could quite figure it out.

He was silent for a minute before managing to say anything.

Fx "I'm not doing that"

He looked at Mq again, yet, this time the other was looking at him too.

Mq "you think I wanna make out with your ugly ass? I'm not doing it either!"

Mq cursed to himself, it could only be his damn luck.

Of course the one on his left would be non other then Fx, his sworn "enemy", the most annoying person ever, the man he hated the most.

They were in the same friend group but never got along, always arguing and driving each other mad, if they were in a room together for more than five minutes a fight would for sure occur between them.

The thing is, it was clear to everyone, but themselves, the extreme sexual tension they were suppressing and disguising as hate for each other.

The group was obviously tired of their endless bickering but no one wanted to meddle in business it wasn't theirs, so they just had to watch as Mq's eyes stared lovingly at Fx when the other was distracted in class every day.

Or Fx who would always take charge of the food in the group gatherings so he could make sure there wasn't anything Mq was allergic to.

It was actually funny to the others how they acted like they hated eachother to the bone but were always contradicting themselves, and they weren't even aware off it.

Part of the group was entertained watching Mq and Fx argue over the dare on the card, they didn't notice the mischievous look Pm and Sq exchanged before speaking.

Pm "you guys ratter drink Xl's special drink as punishment then?"

The boys fell silent, fear immediately could be seen in their eyes.

Before the game started the group agreed in a punishment rule in case a player didn't want to do what their card said, the punishment was to drink a cocktail made by Xl, who was known for somehow being able to turn into poison any drink or food he tried to make.

Fx "do you want us to die? That thing will for sure kill us!"

Sq "it was you who decided on the punishment, now you wanna back out? That's not very honourable of you"

Sq was hiding a devilish smile under his hands as he said this.

Pm "what are you scared of? That you might like it?" He teased.

Fx could feel a gaze upon him from his right side, like if anticipating his answer.

After a couple of minutes not saying anything Fx suddenly grabbed an ice cube from the cooler next to him, surprising the others, still hesitant he moved closer to Mq who looked surprised.

Lw "wait"

Mq was so nervous he screamed internaly, everyone turned to look at Lw expecting an explanation for the sudden protest.

Lw "a make out session between you two is not something I wish to have engraved in my mind -she pointed to a closet next to the spot they were in- do it there"

Fx let out a frustrated grunt. "you must be kidding me"

Hc "for once, I agree, I don't wanna see you two getting horny in front of me, shoo shoo, to the closet you go"

Sq "but don't try to cheat, we will be checking afterwards"

Fx "pervs"

Fx said before taking a new ice cube from the cooler and putting into an empty cup, he looked at Mq for a second before grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the closet trying not to mind the giggles of their friends.

Fx shoved Mq inside the closet and closed the door.

Mq grunted "do you wanna die?!"

Fx "let's... just get this over with "

His voice was weirdly shaky, he sounded nervous, what Mq found quite odd.

The closet was not big and the random stuff scattered all around made the space even more limited.

Fx grabbed the ice cube and tossed the cup to the side, his hands shaking a little, he took the cube up to his mouth and moved closer to Mq, his right knee started pressing between Mq's legs the more close he got and a shiver went up his back.

On the other end Mq's heart was going crazy, beating so fast it could bust out of his chest at any moment.

It felt like Fx was taking an eternity to get to him, his body was growing hotter and hotter at every second, Mq had to act, he grabbed Fx's shirt and pulled him closer.

Their lips finally touched.

The kiss started surprisingly slow, it was soft and hesitant, Mq felt his body tremble when his tongue came in touch with the ice on Fx's mouth, a mixture of hot and cold that was kinda confusing to the brain.

But it didn't take long before the kiss started to get fast and aggressive, Fx's hands grabbed Mq's wrists loosening the grip on his shirt and tightening the hold around his waist instead, he wrapped his on arms around the other's neck pulling him even closer.

They looked so desperate, their mouths parting only when their lungs hurt from the lack of oxygen, they were devouring one another like someone who was starved for a decade had just been given food.

It was a messy, cold, wet, desperate kiss, the little ice cube twirling between their tongues, it was weird, weirdly good.

Water was dripping from the corner of their mouths as the cube melted faster than expected, yet, when it melted completely, they didn't stop, on the contrary, things only got more heated.

Fx stoped the kiss and took a hold of Mq's waist sitting him on top of a pile of plastic boxes, he pulled on Mq's hair and licked the bare skin of his neck, he kissed and sucked on the skin making the other let out a loud moan, their already hard members brushed against eachother and Fx let out a moan as well, his hand falling immediately to the zipper of Mq's pants, the other did the same.

At this moment they weren't thinking about they rivalry, there wasn't time to evaluate their actions, the only thing their wanted was to appease that fire burning inside, that fire that had been burning since a long time but was keep at ease by both of them, and now that it was finally fueled they couldn't control it anymore, at least for today, they'll let the fire consume them.

They masturbated eachother while maintaining their mouths glued together, moaning between kisses.

The air inside the closet was hot, the sound of the music was muffled but it was still loud, shouts of people partying could still be heard outside yet it was like they completely forgot everything around them, at that moment there was only Mq and Fx.

They reached climax together, both panting, legs shaking, heads spinning, they looked at each other, how did it end like this? It was just a game, just a stupid card game, and it managed to break the walls they had built.

Years of represed feelings and desire just came crumbling down like a tower of cards because of a game, a stupid card game.

Mq took off his flannel and cleaned their hands with it, tying it around his waist right after, he pulled up his pants and straightened his hair, so did Fx.

After making sure they looked presentable again Mq grabbed Fx's wrist and was about to drag him out but was stoped.

Fx "wait, what are you doing?"

Mq got closer to Fx's ear "I need you inside of me right now or I might go crazy"

Mq didn't see how hard Fx blused nor allowed any time for him to protest, not that he would've, he opened the door and draged Fx out of that damn closet.

They didn't care about the party that was still going on, they didn't remember what they were doing before stepping into that closet and they also didn't care at this point, they didn't looked around nor acknowledged anyone, so naturally they didn't notice their friends gaze following them as they go up the stairs.

Sq "we lost them"

Pm "hahaha they're totally gonna fuck, about damn time"

Lw "fortunately I locked my room before everyone arrived"

Pm "oh shit, did I locked mine?"

At the other side Xl and Hc were making out with each other, not caring about anything else since a long time.

And since they lost two more soldiers the game wasn't fun anymore so they got up and went to enjoy the party with the others.

This night was the perfect end to the history of their college lifes, just like Pm wanted.

And it was probably the perfect beginning of the rest of their lives for some people.

—

The end? No

I'm doing a more spicy sequence to this cuz I just couldn't help myself, so expect a part 2 🤭

[11queensupreme11]

My day absolutely sucked today! Firstly my hair looked like ass than NONE of my friends in my class were there so I was a loner is my classes than I had this dutch test (I'm Dutch) but we only had 30 minutes and I really needed to do good because on my last Dutch test i had a 4,8/10. Than I had pysichs (don't know how to spell it) and that felled like 5 hours (thank god for my AirPods. I also goth two grades back both 5,5/10 for the pre exams thing I told you about. BUT my mother is really strict in my school so everything under a 6/10 she sees as failed so I was really scared to tell her about it and also the other two subject I really failed.

Than like a hour ago my mom finds out about my my grades and she got really mad (like you always got good grades when you were younger!) and than my dad also got mad so I cried (in my room hell no I'm gonna cry in front of people) and tomorrow I have another test and I'm scared to fail that one.

And the thing that gets me mad about that is that I'm almost always top of my class but they don't care about that no they only care when I do one bad thing so now if I get a bad grade myself I don't even care about it I just get scared how they will react. And than they tell because I'm so "privileged" they will take away things like my phone and tv.

Sorry for the vent I just wanted to tell all this to people I don't really know and stuff you don't have to post this I don't really care but if you do post it please tell me if I'm overreacting on the last part

you definitely were NOT overreacting in the last part. it honestly seems like ur being pressured by your parents tbh, im so sorry

also, i HATE IT when parents pull the "you always got good grades when you were a younger" bs ughhhhh

there is a VERY big difference between coursework when you were a lil kid and coursework when ur in high school or college (im assuming ur in high school?)

OF COURSE the stuff you're learning is gonna get harder as you move up a grade, OF COURSE, ur grades aren't gonna be the same as it was when you were a lil kid, WE WERE DOING BASIC MATH AND HAD LIKE, FOUR FUCKING SUBJECTS TO FOCUS ON unlike now where our math now has letters and we got 6+ subjects to study and do assignments for (on top of working or other extracurriculars we got).

it irks me so much when they start comparing your school performance from when you were a kid, cuz like duh?? ofc things are gonna change, use ur brain dumbo!!!

i am so sorry that ur stressing out over ur exams and the fact that ur parents aren't making things easier.... i hope this week passes smoothly for you and you can take a break from everything soon 💖

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1989 I just finished watching a scary movie and I’m now just about ready to drop off. I’m pretty zonked.

This afternoon I saw my allergy doctor and he gave me two inhalers for my asthma and one for my nose.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1989 I am still wide awake and feeling pretty lousy. Earlier I got the urge to make my face up so I did. I took off my lipstick and blush but I still have my eyes all made up.

Linda never called. I wonder if she’s sick or something came up. I also wonder why I haven’t heard from Tammy in two days. I know it’s either shit from her mother, or she’s out with Will. Also, I haven’t spoken with Andy in two days. The only one I speak to every day is Jessie. We love to talk on the phone.

Well, I had a long talk with Nervous’s mother about him calling me and hanging up or just not saying anything and his spying. She says to take him to court if I have to. I now have absolutely no desire to see or talk to this sicko. It’s just gotten way out of hand to the point of no return and you just never know what a sicko like him is gonna do or what’s on his mind. Some friendship it’s been, huh?

I’m supposed to go to CC tomorrow for my intake, but they may be closed cuz we’re supposed to get a huge snowstorm.

This Saturday I’m supposed to return to Steiger’s, but I’ve got to think about it. Do I really want to?

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 1989 Well, right now I’m a little depressed and lonely but I’m finally starting to get used to it and accept being alone. It’s always better than settling for second best.

I’m cooking some chicken rice right now, hoping Linda the cab driver calls.

I went out earlier to the Holyoke mall with Jessie. There, I bought both Tiffany and Debbie Gibson’s cassette singles.

Surprisingly enough, but then again I guess it’s no real surprise, I haven’t heard from Tammy all day yesterday or today. She’s no doubt out with Will, says Jessie.

Ma called saying she bought me this beautiful dress and it’s a size 6! What is she, crazy? She doesn’t realize how much weight I’ve lost. She hasn’t seen me in a while. She says it’s a loose-knit dress with no zippers or buttons. She’s gonna mail it to me.

There’s this guy, Bruce Y, who I ran into downtown. I’ve run into him a few times. He’s going to Holyoke Community College for the two-year music program for an associate degree in music, which I’m also thinking of doing. He’s nice and he’s not ugly either, but he’s so dull and wimpy, and of course, he turns me on in no way shape or form. Even Jessie spoke to him using my 3-way calling and she agreed.

Bruce says he thinks I’m very attractive and sensitive and seems so amazingly respectful, saying I shouldn’t be with a guy if I’m not happy and would rather be with a woman. He says don’t do anything I don’t want to do that doesn’t feel right.

I was hoping Linda would call cuz I really do like her even though she’s no beauty, and I could really use a chat with her. She really understands being gay too. I wish she’d give me her phone number.

I called Pamela at my dating service and told her our mailboxes are broken and she said she’d give me a call before she mails out anything. I’m still so skeptical about it all, though. I still fear that my type of woman isn’t meant to be.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 1989 I finally got my guitar back, thank God. I got it on Andy’s birthday and rode with him in his new car. I bought Linda’s Mad Love music book and also a guinea pig, but I returned the pig. I just don’t want the hassles of changing the cage or buying bails of sawdust or the pellets anymore. Instead, I had Nervous, who’s acting really sick and always stinks and has this horrible body odor, bring Sasha back. I realize my allergies will be killing me but I love this cat to death and missed her terribly. I can’t live with no animals at all.

I saw Dr. Moshiri today at Osborne. He said I seemed much better and that all I’ve gone through has really had an impact on me but that I have amazing strength. He also agreed with me that one never forgets the past, though everyone keeps telling me to forget it. I wish I could!

I have taken half of a Deseril pill for 4 nights now and he says for me to continue that for a week or two and then take a whole one and at that point to stop the Navane.

Tammy called early this morning saying she was fed up with her mother and was leaving and we discussed her coming here but I haven’t heard from her since and she was supposed to call me early this afternoon. Tammy’s not the right person for me, though. She’s got too many problems and a lousy temper.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 1989 Sure enough, my case was dismissed. The pig never showed up. I asked my lawyer why, and he said cuz he’d make a complete fool out of himself. The law is that you have to prove one guilty even if they admit they’re guilty. When I told my lawyer I was arrested he was shocked and he agreed that just cuz they’re cops and they wear that badge they think they can do anything. Whether I pleaded guilty or not, he still can’t prove it was me.

I spoke with both Jessie and Stuart today, but not yet with Tammy. She’ll probably call me later. She probably tried to get me last night but I took my phone off the hook so I could go to bed early. Andy probably tried to get me last night, too. It’s Monday, so Ma’s gonna be calling tonight.

When Nervous calls later tonight I’m gonna ask him if he’ll rent a car and bring me back the aquarium I gave him, so I can have him take me to Brightwood in Longmeadow so I can get a pig. I miss having one. The only bitch is buying them food all the time and changing their cage, but it’s worth it. I need the company of a pet.

Today I feel pretty good for a change. Since I turned the heat lower I feel much better and less feverish. I’m gonna write and really practice my piano. My guitar is in the shop cuz it needed new strings and I’m pissed at Phil. He’ll never bring it back today and it’s been ready since Saturday. I’m dying to play.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1989 Guess who I’ve been in contact with every day now on the phone? Jessica S! I went to middle school with her. She’s got a 9-month-old baby boy now named Wyatt Justin and he’s cute. Her adoptive father is Big Bird of Sesame Street. I called Jessie’s mom in Longmeadow and she told me Jessie lived in Feeding Hills so I got her number through information. And sure enough, the guy she was with took off when she got pregnant and does drugs and just wants sex. She understands me really well, though, and accepts me for the way I am and we’ve had a lot of nice talks. I even spent the night in her place and she told me it didn’t even seem like 10 years had gone by since we last saw each other and we are very close friends. She mentioned getting a place together, but I don’t know. I would definitely live with her, though, cuz I’ve known her so long and we get along so well and she’s no thief or druggie.

Later…

Tomorrow I’ve got to go to court. Lucky me. Nervous is going to wake me up. He was over here for the first time in a month and he also has a broken wrist. That’s what he gets for walking around at 2:00 in the morning buying a pack of cigarettes. He says a bunch of guys knocked him down.

I forgot to mention that last weekend I was at Tammy’s house. It was a very nice house. She still says she likes me and wants to have a relationship with me, but I still hardly ever see her. I spoke to both her and Jessie today.

I want to move so bad it isn’t funny. I’m so sick of this place, but who knows when I ever will? I also want a car at times, too.

Believe it or not, I found Jenine M’s number (she’s an entertainment agent) in an old pad of phone numbers and I called her and she did say she had tried to reach me after I changed my number and she said she’d call me either Mon. or Tues. I’m afraid to get my hopes up too high but I’m trying not to think negatively either. My voice is ok, of course, but what really brings it down is my stuffy nose and wheezing. I have finally made an appointment with my allergy doctor. I also think I may have somewhat of the flu now too, which is going around. I usually get it once a year at this time.

I’m so psyched about my piano playing. I’m getting better and better every day. I’ve learned Dr. Beat and Falling in Love and have learned much more of her other songs (Gloria’s) and also, I’m gonna work on some of Linda’s. I’ve learned some of the song Just One Look. I’d say it’s my timing that’s the hardest thing to conquer what with both the left and right hands together. Tomorrow I’m going to work on the song You Made a Fool of Me which I already have a basic idea of now.

All the songs Andy taught me are like a piece of cake now. I love to play Talk to Me most of all.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 1989 I just got finished spraying a spider with Raid but I should’ve just killed it with my broom cuz now it stinks in here. Oh well.

Tammy called me today at around 11:30, asking if I’d go with her to her doctor’s appointment and if I’d meet her at 2:00 outside the front of the Civic Center. Well, I stood her up cuz of the way she’s done it to me and for not returning my hairpiece. Also, I was very tired. She called me at 6:00 wanting to know why I wasn’t there. I told her I was sick and tired. She said she waited till 3:30. She told me she was going for her second pregnancy test and that they don’t know if she’s pregnant or not.

Philip took me to Store 24 at about noontime and I got just a few things cuz of the way I’ve been feeling. He’s supposed to call me this morning around 11:00.

I spoke to Nervous and this morning. I told him Philip was coming to take me to the airport and that I’d be gone to Florida for the rest of the month. I’m so sick of him and even talking on the phone to him cuz he really is a sick person. I usually only talk for two seconds then play my game of the crossed call that comes in and he listens and says all kinds of sick, nasty and hateful stuff. I used to find it funny, but now it’s gotten old.

Earlier this evening I was really depressed and I cried the last two nights in a row cuz I haven’t in so long. It takes a lot for me to cry and I usually keep it bottled up inside till it really catches up to me, but I know I must try really hard not to take the Navane unless I absolutely have to. You know, if I get so anxious that I can’t breathe. Crying, though, really did make me feel a lot better much quicker. What I need most of all is a woman. Yeah, sure.

On Showtime last weekend Gloria had a concert special taped in Miami. It was the last concert of her tour. It was great and she looked beautiful. She was also on the music awards too, where she won an award. She looked sexy as all hell and Andy taped it for me so I could see it again. As for Gloria’s concert, it will be on several more times this month and since I don’t have a VCR I’m just gonna tape it on my box.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1989 I spoke to Tony on Monday and was about to tell him how I can’t be his girlfriend and the reasons why when he told me he’s not looking for that and that he was glad we got that out in the open. His basic reason for not wanting me is cuz I don’t have a job, and when I told him that I do have a job, he said, “You just got that job.”

He’s another one who can’t accept me for the way I am and it verifies my belief that I’ll never have anyone decent cuz I haven’t worked in so long. All I’ll get is a desperate mental case. Ma says when the right person comes along, I’ll know it, and I asked her if she thought I was only good enough for the jerks and not the decent people and she said no, that I could get someone decent. I told her it’s not going to be a man. She said that’s good. It’s like she’s happy about my being gay cuz she knows how men are and doesn’t want me getting pregnant.

Andy said that Tony’s excuse about my not working is really stupid and that most guys don’t want their girlfriends to work, cuz then they’re meeting other guys. They want them to stay home and cook and clean, but that’s basically only the assholes.

I’m sending my dating service a check for $80, so in 2 or 3 weeks I should be meeting someone. I’m so skeptical. I doubt any of these women will turn me on like Gloria, whether they’re decent or not.

I definitely cannot sit around all month waiting for work so maybe I’ll go apply at McDonald’s which sucks, but it pays a little more than $5 an hour and has better hours. I really think the first thing I need is that dream girl before I try to make it in music or a better job. Someone who believes in me. I can’t do everything alone. I need some support.

I haven’t heard from Tammy for two days. Guess I’m gonna have to get my hairpiece myself.

[roguestarsailor]

brain dumping [ignore pls]

going to tour studios today (2)

one looks very promising but hes gonna be mad i cant move until june 20

thinking about sending a message to my landlord about leaving (and also have to beg him to send a letter of recommendation to the promising looking studio) but is it too premature?

i followed two of the people i talk most in the design team and THEY DONT WANT TO FOLLOW ME BACK

well one of them specifically accept my follow request BUT DIDNT FOLLOW ME BACK

im so confused and rethinking about our interactions and im like ohh he doesnt like me like a friend he only likes me as a coworker

im feeling sad about this (and i see how many mutual followers who are also our coworkers he follows so!!!) i guess we gotta stay coworkers-- feeling like i read the room wrong & embarrassed!!!

the other one im less pressed about cuz hes technically oversees everything i do?? but he's not technically my manager and sometimes he doesnt act like a managing person and more like a fellow coworker but regardless im actually ok if he doesnt accept cuz i feel like we see each other TOOOOO much

nyc seems so much more fun and im actually excited to go

im so stressed about money like im making no good financial decisions and idk what to do

im looking for jobs just to see what i can do

i need to freelance?? i gotta figure this out; i cannot sustain myself with only one job

which ISNT IT FUCKED THAT I MAKE SIX FIGURES AND I CANT EVEN GET A FUCKEN IN UNIT???? ISNT THAT ABSOLUTELY FUCKED?????

also just the studios i can afford are old as shit and not in the best part of town or i can find slightly better but i'd have to live w roommates..but like those should be CHOICES but right now its like my only options

and it makes me really mad at this city because me, making six figs, can barely find spaces i can afford and i swear i'm not spending frivolously; just using the 30% rule on rent expenses so yeah no shit theres so much homelessness around here!! who the fuck can afford these places????

dont get me started on how everyone thinks homelessness is the problem and NOT a symptom of the issue and i want to fight everyone; like yall think these prices are ok?? yes yall can pay it but SHOULD we??? its not good for ANYONE!!

this roommate search is hella stalling and i think ive made peace w what i have to do (and spend :( )

it'd be only 4 months of aggressive savings to make back what i lost so i am grateful to have padding financially and have a steady job

i wish my roommate moved out in winter so theres more inventory and i could get cheaper rent kljsfdfslkdj

my fucken god what is this city

i should have gone to NYC; i think i might find belonging over there much better

im stress eating; fudge ice cream and two pringles cans this week

this habit is really carried over from college aksdjklasd and i cannot stop it!!!

i should have found a husband instead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this fucken place makes me wnat to die

looking for a new career makes me want to dieeeeee

[themindelectricdemo4]

i think to myself lke. back lke 2 year ago, im like...my friendship with my friends was so good, what happened?

really, i let myself go. i got a lot of disappointment in my regular life (couldnt get disability, more illnesses, treatment failing, family dying) i found that gong to college has helped me so much. because its like...setting a life for myself. getting a routine. having something to wake up for.

when all i wanted to wake up was for my friends, they were the brunt of everything, especially my moodiness that was becoming more & more unstable. i keep wanting to apologize but i hope i can form better wording in my head that articulates what i want to say the most (firstly that it doesnt justify my actions, and secondly, that im not crawling back to rekindle) im kind of stuck with overthnking it, so honestly.......it could be a world where i never directly apologize because i fear what my words sound like

i havent changed in that aspect in that i miss the connotation of my words often...maybe i could show it to my partner for proof reading, but i wouldnt want to involve a lot of people or anything ive accepted this is my human flaw & i continue to try & wrap my head around implications but it doesnt work. i do feel dumb ..oh well what can i do. i try to ask people to ask for clarification if they think something i said was weird (because if my intentions were mean ...i would want to make sure you knew for sure ...LOL.) but if they dont.. dont know what to do. but ive find in college, my friends ask me, they respect that, they make me feel like a human being & not some dumb (insert a barrage of slurs i could call myselfhere). self inflicted words..because i wish i could just learn social shit like a normal person & i feel dumb for not being able to mask this, or be able to study it enough to even pretend like i understand

im happy with the way my life is going now... i went to college, met my partner irl, i havent thought about genuinely kmsing myself in a good while now, like i couldnt go a month or two without planning it in my head, but im...actually doing good? its crazy...even my psych said she was so proud of me today saying she couldve never imagined me how i am today just because of how bad i was. i dont take that as a negative btw cuz thats me past tense. im proud of it.!!! really like, after whatever the fuck happened in august '23 i was like, ok. no more of this shit.

& it worked? i got all As, im in college. holy shit. the several times i would blow up on my friendsin the past into HUGE fights? the most heated i got was exactly one time where i snapped after a long day of being spoken over (by this person that i didnt particularly want to hang out with, as agreed upon with my friend because even that person agreed we didnt have a lot in common) & that...was it??? like im shocked. all my rage . gone . whar. .. & my friends are like.......they ask me what im doing/feeling based on things i do cuz they think im mad (the rbf & monotone voice) & im like oh!! oh my gosh no, im good! im sorry for worrying u & they were like oh! dw just checking. cuz i curated the baddest bitches of autistics who just get it fr . me & my current bestie we just ask each other the most blunt questions to get clarity on situations & i love that 4 us ... hes supa nice. love all my fends . but wow idk im proud of myself & this turned into a ramble where im positive cuz i was acually gettng mad at myself sadge but yea. i do wanna apologize but im afraid of being misconstrued & my paranoia over this manifests into probably never doing it. i got lving with my mother probably to blame fo r that (dont get me started on the shit she pulled over winter break that everyone in my family agrees she is ridiculous for with physical proof ok im reeling

[clarktooncrossing]

HEY THERE PEOPLE OF TODAY AND ROBOTS OF TOMORROW! IT'S ME, CLARK! There is a madness deep in the dark catacombs of Castle Clarkenstein. For years these claustrophobic corridors have been the home of the ghoulish giraffe himself, watching as the world passes by. He prefers it this way. It gives him more time alone with the voices. The voices tell him many strange things. Yet they always come back to one: make more monsters! Everyday they tell him this. Everyday he is unable to comply. Hey, being a mad scientist on a budget means he can’t afford the fancy scientific equipment needed to breathe life into newborn abominations. Guy’s gotta afford pizza somehow. Luckily, he has discovered a way of sorts to please the voices. During all those years of watching, Dr. Clarkenstein noticed a particular pattern. Every night during October saw artists posting new pictures based on peculiar prompts. Many of them based on children of the night. While the spotted specter might not be able to craft new zombies, he can sure as heck sketch’m! As such, I provide this friendly warning to you all now: Be afraid. Few people can survive the horrors that are DUDELZ of the Damned!

By that I mean I decided to do my own take on Sketchtober this year just minus the prompts. Anybody gotta problem with that? Tough, cuz I already drew this crap so you might as well check it out.

You know what’s really scary? How we know more about the surface of the moon than we do about Earth's oceans. Centuries of sailing, navigating, and exploring the big blue ball has still garnered very little knowledge of what lies below the waves. Considering what we have discovered though, maybe that’s for the better. For down in the deepest, darkest trenches of the seven seas lives some of the most frightening fish known to man. Blobfish, vampire squid, giant spider crabs, ghost sharks, who knows what else is down there? Polka Shark does. While out searching for a midnight munchie the nutty predator came upon a strange, glowing fish buried deep beneath the sand. Being the sensible sort of creature he was, Polka swam away without giving the glowing fish another thought. And by that I mean of course he ate it. So now he’s a zombie.

For this DUDEL, fans of Polka Shark can breathe a sigh of relief. Much like when Goofy died in 1999’s How to Haunt a House, this is only temporary. It’s also an idea I’ve had for a while. Assuming my memory isn’t faulty, this idea initially took shape back in my days attending CTI, quickly scribbling a zombified shark in the margins of my homework. I ran the sketch by Polka’s original creator Finjix and he got a giggle out of the idea as well. A decade later and I finally got around to sketching the whole idea out properly. My time management skills are rivaled by no one! Still, I think the wait was worth it. My attention to detail has gotten better since my college days, resulting in an undead fish that looks notably more rotten. His flesh is flaking off, black ooze is dripping from his maw, there’s a giant hook stuck in his head, it’s all so gross and I love it! Unlike Striped Starfish. His expression perfectly sums this sketch up. I hope you all enjoy this DUDEL more than he does.

MAY THE GLASSES BE WITH YOU!

[zerobaseonefics]

NO CUZ FR IDK ITS LIKE THE 8TH TIME I SEE THE LIPSTICK STAIN THINGY WITH ZB1/BOYS PLANRET TRAINEES👲👲

i hope my family wont come back anytime soon as well but luckily we live almost 1000km apart😋

i wrote the method on the laminated card my therapist gave me!! i basically have it in my pants(?) back pocket and read it whenever any panic attacks occur so i wont forget this method the next time^^ i also told my friends about the jokes etc. and they said that theyre sorry and that they should know that it makes me feel shitty;; they took me to mcdonalds as an apology😋

THANK YOU SO MUCH 🫶🫶!!! also happy late birthday to you<33!! im not sure how long i already know you but im sorry that i didnt tell you the wishes before😔😔

OH AND IM IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD TODAY I DONT EVEN KNOW WHYYYY BUT IM HAPPY THAT IM HAPPY BUT IM ALSO MAD BECAUSE I NEED TO WRITE THIS IN MY NOTES APP BECAUSE EVERYTIME IM WRITING YOU AN ASK TUMBLR JUST CLOSES AND EVERYTHING I WRITE IS DISAPPEARING

and how are you feeling angeeeeel?

~🤍

BRO I DID TWO PARTS ON THAT TREND AND PPL KEPT ON ASKING ME TO CONTINUE AND I SEE SO MANY WORKS REQUESTED WITH THIS ON OTHER BLOGS????? WHATS YALL PROBLEM WITH LIPSTICK STAINS 💀

and omg i am so happy your friends reacted like this 🫡 since idk them i was so scared about them being bad friends and i was really hoping they'll respect you on that!! i'm so glad they did!! hope you enjoyed your lunch hehe <3 AND IT'S SO GOOD TO HEAR ABOUT YOU WITH POSITIVE NEWS LIKE I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE FEELING GOOD :((((

i'm feeling nice as well hehe!! work and school have been eating me up alive fr but today i spent the day with one of my friend, we ate together and we went to the movies <3 i haven't eat a real meal for days now cuz yk poor college student things 💀 i think i'm full for 2 days now but i'm happy hehe