#i was on the dreaded 101 once i do not ever want to drive that in my life. california people youre so brave

[carcarrot]

the good news: the one (1) driving school where i live seems to be really good

the bad news: they aren't open on weekends

[chirpsythismorning]

Filmmaking 101: Directionality in Easy Rider & Stranger Things 4

Whenever I see Stranger Things fans on Reddit, or anywhere for that matter, try to argue that the show has no deeper meaning beyond what's shown at face value, I seriously want to scream into the abyss.

To put into perspective just how wrong they are, picture this:

I'm taking my first ever film class in 10th grade. Within the first couple of days, we were introduced to the very basics. So this is concepts that are integral to film. It's not like this was something mentioned on page 700 in chapter 20... No, this was like the 2nd page of the very first chapter.

This concept we were introduced to, was the directionality of a character/camera movement and how that direction can affect the way a viewer interprets the character(s) and/or the story itself.

Our textbook used an example from the film Easy Rider (1969), and how something as simple as the direction the characters were driving in at the beginning of the film, and even a majority of the film, foreshadowed their ill fate in the end.

Basically, studies done have proven that viewers often associate movements from the left to the right more positively, whereas we often associate movements from the right to the left more negatively.

To understand this better, think about how when you write your name for example, you're very likely to start from the left and go to the right. A lot of us do everyday movements this way without even realizing it (reading is another basic example). This is why our brains often associate movement going from right to left, as negative. (There are of course exceptions to this in the real world! But this is film, where everything is intentional/by design, not natural/by chance.)

At the beginning of Easy Rider, the protagonists start their journey driving from right to left. Although this trend isn't by any means consistent 100% of the time (as that would be nearly impossible, excruciating for everyone involved, and a little too on the nose), it is a vast majority of the time.

A technique like this, used in this way, may cause the viewer to feel unease about what is yet to come without them even realizing it. That's sort of the whole point.

At the end, we see this same technique being presented to us, with the protagonists once again driving from the right to the left, which leads directly to their inevitable, doomed fate.

Now, this doesn't mean that the movement here, from right to left, is what in and of itself doomed these characters. This is just one of many stylistic choices a writer/director can make if they want to hint to the audience what to expect subconsciously, a feeling they want to evoke at the very least, without outright telling us, ie. subtext. And this film embodies this concept of directionality in a way that makes it a perfect example for this specific technique in action.

Does this mean that any and every time a character, car or anything on screen, goes from left to right or vise versa, that there is for certain an intended significance, always? No, not necessarily.

However, if we are seeing something more predominantly than the opposite, then yes, it's very possible there could be some intention there, as these are again, the basics.

I remember learning this, amongst other things and thinking, "That's kind of absurdly stupid... But I... love it." Stuff as random as this is what can make cinema almost poetic. When there's meaning being created and combined, coming from all different directions, in ways that can be noticed, only if one is willing to look 'behind the curtain'.

So, upon coming across others in this fandom, who insist that the most basic of the basics: lighting, music, set-design, costuming, cinematography, etc., has no greater significance than what is outright stated and/or acknowledged, I mean, it's been dreadful tbh.

What makes film so incredible (in my opinion), is that there is almost always intention going into the details, especially when the filmmaker is keeping in mind how it's going to make us, the audience, feel.

Anyone who knows film, and I would argue that the Duffer Brothers, Shawn Levy and a lot of the people involved with Stranger Things, are well versed in the basics, knows about all of this, to the point where I would honestly say they are undoubtedly experts.

They know how to convey meaning beyond just what is outright stated/shown to the viewers, but also through techniques that, yes, may seem absurd to a casual viewer, but is actually the backbone of filmmaking. Like this is filmmaking 101. Literally.

Although I haven't rewatched the entire show since being reminded of this (very basic) technique only recently, I did however rewatch the end of season 4, just to humor this theory of directionality and whether or not the finale followed this formula.

And it did not disappoint.

Knowing what we know about directionality and now watching this scene, I have to say, this scene from 4x09 might be an even better example than Easy Rider when it comes to showing what this technique looks like in action and just how effective it can be.

There very well could be a significance to the shot of people leaving Hawkins: driving from the left to the right = safety/survival vs. the Surfer Boy Pizza van entering Hawkins: driving from the right to the left = danger/death.

What I find interesting, is that this entire scene is showing us right to left, until the very end, when we get El from left to right.

Which reminds me of the literal last shot of season 4, in that I think no matter what it comes down to, El is still going to play a major role.

I think because she's always been the person to fix things every season, is why it won't be as simple as many might predict. But I also don't think having her fail like she did at the end of season 4, means she's just out of commission forever, like a lot of fans also predict.

If anything it probably means that El is going to continue having some doubts going forward, about her abilities and even her self-worth, but ultimately that's what will likely make her comeback that much more important to the overall story, in order for them to defeat Vecna and the upside down once and for all.

Or it could all just be one massive coincidence. I mean after all, I am just a delusional *gunshot*

[turnpage]

send me a ✐ for a random sentence starter from my muse (1-1500) — tw: profanity, mild nsfw, long list

generator here quotes compiled from here inspired by

feel free to change to fit your preferences as need.

❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜
 ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness.  ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives?  ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.  ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly.  ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360�� ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope —  It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together.  ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase.  ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord.  ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you.  ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory.  ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are.  ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences.  ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise.  ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table?  ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death?  ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ �� A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable.  ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. ❜ ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you.  ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner.  ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away.  ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

[got-to-love-a-badboy]

Special guest

Previous chapter ^^^

Chapter 4- The Morning After The Ball

The party was beginning to dim down a little, with the majority of the guests heading home, there was just a few of the happy couples friends left gathered around the head table.

The music had stopped, the drinks had definitely been flowing so there were a few drunken faces around the table.

Jamie was talking to Kalvin, his new wife Ashley was talking to Jessica, which left Ellie talking to Jack, they had talked and danced the night away, like a real life Cinderella story Ellie was waiting for the clock to strike 12 and all of this fairytale around her to vanish and for the the mice to reappear.

Jack noticed Ellie staring off into space, "what's on your mind?", he asked her as his thumb traced her jaw line, Ellie smiled at him as she was pulled from her thoughts, "oh nothing, just thinking of how amazing tonight has been", followed by a heavy sigh.

Jack moved his head so he could see her clearer, "it has been amazing, so why the heavy sigh", Jack asked her which made her smile, "I just... tonight has been unreal... I mean this is probably an average night for Jack Grealish, but for me this is literally a fairytale.. so I'm kind of dreading the morning, when I crash back to reality".

Just as Jack was going to reply the few remaining guests began standing up and saying their goodbyes, "El! Come on babe our cab is here!" Jessica bellowed from the entrance, "il walk you out" Jack told her as he takes her hand and slowly walks out of the building as the two of them sharing glances every few seconds.

Jessica and Jamie were in the cab locking lips, Ellie saw this and rolled her eyes before looking at Jack, "third wheel privileges I suppose", Jack laughed at her comment, before reaching into his pocket for his phone, "save your number", Ellie did as Jack asked, although in the back of her mind she didn't have much hope of his actually calling her, he was Jack Grealish at the end of the day, and she was just someone who passed the time at a wedding for him, although tonight was amazing, she knew this was how it was going to go.

Ellie opened the door of the taxi but turned back to Jack before she got in, "thank you for tonight, it really was so much fun", Jack moves closer to her and connected their hands once again, this time he pulled her closer by her hand, their faces only inches apart, "no, thank you", He slowly moved closer to Ellie and connected their lips very delicately at first, when Ellie reciprocated the kiss Jack deepened it, his hands finding their place in Ellie's hair and the other one on her hip, their lips moving in sync sending electricity between the two.

Two loud bangs brought the pair back to reality, as Ellie looked to her left she saw Jamie banging on the cab door, gesturing for her to hurry up and get in the car, "Il see you later Grealish" Ellie said to the man or her dreams as she climbed in the cab, "goodnight princess Ellie", Jack winked at her before closing her door and watching the cab drive away.

He stood there for a few moments wondering what tonight had been, he genuinely had been searching for someone that gave him that spark for years, was he been too forward thinking Ellie was that person, should he keep some distance between them, after all he was going back to Birmingham in the morning and Ellie would be up here in Leeds, he knew it was up to him now what happened between them, as he had her number, if he really wanted to ghost her he could as he had done it many times before with women who he knew he didn't have the connection with.

Ellie headed home in the cab saying goodnight to her best friends, knowing tomorrow morning would be interrogation 101 with the texts from Jessica.

Jack did the same heading to the hotel room, his home for the night in hopes of relaxing his mind of Ellie and their evening.

The following morning Ellie woke up feeling fresh, today was a new day, she had just been to a footballers wedding and met two of her footballing idols.... She was winning at life, she did her best to rid her mind of the encounter, she knew that this was her defence mechanism so she didn't have to deal with the heartache when Jack didn't text or call, she had accepted it was a one night thing and nothing really happened, right?.

Her day started with her usual morning routine, shower, breakfast, coffee and a quick social media brows on her porch before getting dressed for the day.

-_-_-_-_-_-_ Instagram -_-_-_-_-_-_-

Liked by @jessyshaw132, @Jackgrealish and 326 others

Ellowe25- this coffee is much needed this morning! 🤦🏻‍♀️ ☕️

@jessyshaw132 - I will be there in 20 mins! Be ready!! Prepare your statement.

@Jamieee3 - she is literally running around the house in a rush!

@Jackgrealish - ☕️ 😍

@user12 - what is this!! Jack Grealish on some randoms account!?

———————————

Before she had chance to even get ready Ellie heard banging on the door, the kind of banging any normal person would think was the police or something serious, but knowing her best friend like she did she knew it had to be Jessica.

"What has my poor door ever done to you?" Ellie asked the very flush Jessica, "oh behave, come on we need to talk", Jessica called as she walked through the house and begins to rummage through the fridge.

After finding the drink she was searching for she sat at the kitchen island, "so...", she questioned, staring straight at Ellie, "so what? What do you need me to say?", Jessica threw her head into her hands, "no! Just no!, you do not get to flirt, dance and kiss the man you have been talking none stop about for the last 3 years and then say 'what do you want me to say'", Ellie shook her head at her best friend, she had always been a fairytale believer, love at first sight kind of person, that may have happened for her and Jamie but that's not always the case.

"Yeah we had an amazing night but Jess, he is Jack Grealish, I'm only me, he won't even call me but it's fine, I have totally accepted that", Jessica just looks at her and shakes her head, "!No I'm not buying it, you two looked like a happy couple last night plus he's comment this morning your not telling me he is over you", Ellie looked at her phone in disbelief, "I didnt even see this comment, what do I do?" Ellie asked her best friend, she had more experience than Ellie did, "you have to reply! Or at least DM him", Ellie instantly shook her head, "no I can't, I'm leaving it up to him, if he wants something more he will message, if not then it's ok, il be fine", Jessica hates to see her friend putting up these walls.

Ellie was contemplating wether to send a message or not, she didn't want to seem desperate ... but she was, she didn't want to seem uninterested ... because she was, but she also didn't want to seem like a stalker because that is something that she wasn't.

She had to think, what should she do?

————————

[player-1]

Anyone who’s been in the TMA fandom (or those who understand the bare minimum of the story) know damn well that whatever was going on with Michael D. Stortion and Gabriel/Worker-of-Clay was not just a simple Avatar/Entity partnership. No, in the twisted timeline of the Spiral itself, the Armageddon arms-race pales in comparison to the romantic tragedy subplot those two had long before Jon and Martin were in the picture.

(This is also going to be a long one, and with some MAG 101 spoilers, so buckle on in...)

Here’s what I mean:

Gabriel (or in this case, Gabe) works with Neil Lagorio (Web aligned special-effects dude) in the mid 1900′s on their first movie The Labyrinth of the Minotaur. Unfortunately for him, Gabe quits in 1972 just as the movie was released. 

Not much is known of this time after 1972 up until the dreaded sculpting class in 2004. Speculation-wise, Gabriel might have been corrupted by the Flesh during his movie-making times or earlier before he came into contact with the Spiral.

Reasons: -The Spiral connects with the unraveling of reality, question one’s sanity and eventually “spiraling” into insanity. -The Flesh, in its literal sense, connects to the fear of people or animals being killed for meat; even the appearance of flesh/bone being twisted, bent, or butchered. But it can also connect on a emotional level, such as being viewed weaker than others, mostly relating to a person’s body image. That’s also the reason why the nature of his death is completely unlike the Spiral simply letting him fade out of reality. -Gabriel displays more Flesh-like qualities in his appearance and work up until the end of MAG 126. He doesn’t want people to judge him by appearance alone (even if his entire body is made up of clay) but he makes up for it with his unassuming personality and amazing talent. In a literal sense, he wants to mold himself into the kind of person that gets praised for his clay-making abilities, not just from his creations alone.  

[Enter Ｔｈｅ　Ｄｉｓｔｏｒｔｉｏｎ: Stage Left] Of course, while there’s no evidence on how, when or why the Distortion would target him specifically, but there is one thing. Compared to all the other Spiral avatars and fear-aligned creatures, they all used to be humans in the past. The Spiral by nature is to cast aside their humanity and submit to the nature of insanity. But since most of the Spiral avatars either faded out of existence or just refused to do anything ritual-wise, how was it supposed to create a new world if all they ever do is destroy? It adopts an artist, of course. There’s nothing more chaotic than the struggles of a budding sculptor such as himself. But while that may be a convincing argument for the Spiral to get Gabriel to join the Dark Side, there could be more to convince him that it’s worth following the unknowable being of delusions. Long story short, there was no reason for Gabriel to judge himself so poorly if he knew how to reshape the world to how he sees fit. it would convince him that, like the archangel he’s named after, he could show the world the coming future; twisting the laws of reality so that there’s no room to judge how something should be right or wrong, imaginary or real.  As if they were said from the Lord himself, Gabriel heard the Distortion’s tell him about a new world and finally found inspiration in them.

Then comes the sculpting class.  It’s worth noting that, even with the angel symbolism for Michael and Gabriel, it could be implied that Gabriel is also a goody-two-shoes Christian boy who regularly attends church, as evidence of Michael having knowledge about Mass in MAG 20, assisting the Flesh in driving Father Edwin to cannibalism (so the Flesh and Spiral have an interesting partnership, huh?).  Besides that, this is where Gabriel takes the spotlight. From Deborah’s point of view, he was a strange little man from the beginning; eyes always jutted out of his face, appearing right in someone’s personal space and disappearing just as fast, and of course, his works of clay. (Also a random headcanon just because: Gabriel may be afraid of water, either because his entire body being made of clay, and since you need water to help shape the material, he does not want to get it melded into his own flesh. Could also be the reason why he has short and greasy hair, cause he would practically melt into a puddle if he was unfortunate enough to get wet.) And apart from Deborah and her friends’ growing discomfort over Gabriel in general, he’s just vibing in the back of the class, trying to make a shape for the unknowable form of the Distortion. And the second Deborah inadvertently gives him a break from his artist’s block, he quite literally takes control of the class; switching over the biweekly schedule it was before into every week, and even manipulating the space of the classroom to further support his artistic needs. 

“Ray told us the lesson was ‘faces.’ I put my hand up to say that sculpting faces was probably a bit advanced for where we were in the course, but he shook his head, and said that we were… a lot more talented than we thought. He said the key was that faces were twisted. All faces were twisted on the inside, and all you had to do was reach into the deepest part of yourself and put that twisted on the outside of the clay, and as soon as you can scream you’ll have your own face staring back at you.”  (MAG 126)

This is also the key to the Spiral itself. With Gabriel’s assistance, he will be able to let the spiral to insanity move in reverse, create the physical manifestation of that fear instead of letting it collapse and destroy itself. And in that lesson as well, Gabriel finally creates a fitting image of the Distortion...A door, the physical entrance to insanity itself.

Then comes the final stretch in Sannikov Land, the nonexistent island that was said to exist between the years 2009 and 2011. And as Michael D. Stortion explains in MAG 101, was the perfect place for their ritual, The Great Twisting. After everything Gabriel had done to appease his good “friend”, The Distortion seemed extremely invested in the Worker of Clay at that point. Nevermind the fact that its telling Jon how its identity was stolen away from Michael Shelley by merging with the Distortion, but there’s more to this origin story.

“Michael was protective of the frail old woman he believed her to be. So… so delicate, so forgetful, yet gently wise. He cared for her. He trusted her. And she fed him to me. She made him to destroy our transcendence. And she did not hesitate.” “And it was me they sought to stop. Me and the others of It-Is-Not-What-It-Is. Our Great Twisting. The-Worker-of-Clay had laboured for decades on that contorted, impossible edifice of doors… and stairs… and falsehoods… and smiles. A thousand staring morsels stood, and not one of them believed themselves sane to look upon it. And in the centre, the door that would open to all the places that were never there, was me.“ “Perhaps I should have realised what was happening; seen those two lonely figures approaching me, but I cannot tell you the existential joys of truly… becoming. Of an entireness finally crossing the threshold into your self. So ecstatic was my completeness, I did not even hear my own door creak open.“ “Even sharper than the joy of becoming is the agony of being opened and remade. To have your who torn bloody from your what, and another crudely lashed into its place. To become Michael. And to do so at such a crucial point in our Twisting, in our becoming, well of course it destroyed it. The impossible altar collapsed. The-Worker-of-Clay tore out his veins to dissolve himself in crimson mud. The others of us were cast to all the places that aren’t; some have still not found their way out again...My very existence tied to my pointlessness. Wearing my failure as the very fabric of my being. Reduced once again to feeding on the unsuspecting and confused. That is who I am.“ (MAG 101)

Even if all of this was to explain how the Distortion became the being it is in the series, it’s easy to see how overjoyed it was during the ritual. All that the Spiral ever did was bring the sense of unreality and paranoia unto people for ages, only breaking down the mind until they eventually spiral into oblivion. It wanted to be something, it wanted to make something twisted and nonsensical from the world, to shape the world itself to the nature of insanity. And after all that time, no matter how many avatars it had in its control, Gabriel was the only one who began creating the ritual. Even if it was for an ulterior motive, The Distortion was pretty giddy as Gabriel worked for years on end to create the meaning of insanity; to create something that the Distortion saw as the perfect vessel for itself. And even as it was explaining it, with all these feelings of joy and ecstasy and very human thoughts and emotions, this was before it was forced to become Michael. So much for not being bound by human nature, huh? But it’s pretty ironic that, as the embodiment of delusions, insanity and lies, it never considered the idea of having an avatar that could make something out of that chaos. Even if the Distortion was explaining how Michael-not-Michael Shelley came into being, it also can be interpreted as Michael just yearning for his best Avatar so far.  So instead of “I’m going to tell you my entire backstory.”, it’s more like “I’m going to tell you how a nosy old woman and her idiotic assistant ruined my chances to be with my Avatar of the Decade who may or may not be my boyfriend.”

In conclusion, Gabriel AKA The Worker of Clay AKA Igor with an art degree became the Hands of the Spiral because the nonbinary embodiment of delusion (who is also a door) gave a miserable struggling artist a shot of self-confidence (and a shot out of the Flesh’s control), eventually becoming its #1 Boyfriend Avatar of all time, and is the only person that would make the “hates gender and existence itself” Distortion yearn for years after his tragic death.

Takes notes people, this is what peak performance looks like.

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume 6, Number 13

Trees

It’s four in the afternoon and already getting dark, a foot of snow on the way. One year is nearly over — and yes, we’ve got some essays on that coming up after the holiday break — and another one is taking shape in our inboxes, mail chutes and hard drives. But for right now, let’s take another look at 2020, doubling back on the records that caught our ears without exactly fitting our schedules, the ones that almost got away. Here are the usual free improvisations and long drones, hip hop upstarts and cowpunk also-rans, a harpist, a cellist, a tabletop guitarist and at least one stellar punk record that has us hoping for sweaty live music again in 2021. Contributors this time included Bill Meyer, Bryon Hayes, Andrew Forrell, Patrick Masterson, Jennifer Kelly, Jonathan Shaw, Arthur Krumins, Ian Mathers and Ray Garraty, heck let’s call it a quorum, and see you again in the New Year.

Mac Blackout — Love Profess (Trouble In Mind)

Love Profess by Mac Blackout

Mac Blackout owes his surname to his membership in the Functional Blackouts. That’s a garage combo that was once the subject of an article about how they’d been banned from various venues on account of the destructive chaos of their live performances. But you can’t do that forever, and nowadays Mac’s a painter and solo recording artist. His latest sounds are unlikely to make anyone want to put a chair into the mirror behind the bar, but they might send you flipping through your record collection, looking for the sounds that you and he have in common. Love Profess opens with a burst of piano-pounding, sax-overblowing free jazz, but that lasts for about nine seconds before it gets swallowed by some John Bender-worthy synth throb. Give “Wandering Spheres” a couple more minutes, and Mr. Blackout goes full La Dusseldorf on us. By turns spacy, spooky and seriously compelled to vent nocturnal loneliness, this half-hour long LP is both as familiar and as unknown as a well-shuffled deck of cards.

Bill Meyer

 Ross Birdwise — Perfect Failures (Never Anything)

Perfect Failures by Ross Birdwise

Vancouver-based electronic improviser Ross Birdwise rails against spatio-temporal norms. The concepts of tempo and rhythm are malleable in his universe. Architecturally, Birdwise is Antoni Gaudí, working in fluid lines to build incomprehensible structures. With Perfect Failures, he leaps even further away from the orthogonal grid of musical construction, dissolving beats into grains of sound. The warped rhythms found on Frame Drag are divested in favor of an approach that more resembles electroacoustic composition. As a matter of fact, the title track comes on like a digital recreation of a piece of classic musique concrète. Birdwise avoids venturing into purely ambient territory yet borrows some signifiers from the genre: keyboard melodies, elongated tones, washes of sound. He overlays these seemingly innocuous elements with crashes of noise, oblique jump cuts and hyperkinetic sequences, constantly forcing us to shift focus to make sense of his soundscapes. The febrile nature of the music is what intoxicates, but the discordant melodies are what enthrall.

Bryon Hayes

 C_G — C_G (edelfaul recordings)

C_G by C_G

Belgium-based French electronic artist Eduardo Ribuyo (C_C) and Israeli drummer Ilia Gorovitz (Stumpf) join forces on C_G, a one-take collaboration of molecular machine noise and improvised percussion. It opens as a slow creep, Gorovitz playing minimal rhythms that sound like someone walking through the pre-dawn streets of an awakening city. Ribuyo accretes whirrs, cracks and electrical pops to evoke the dread of a night not over. On “Normalising Cruelty,” for instance, the discomfort builds, the drums tumble in flight, the noise intensifies. The relative conventionality of the percussion tracks seems intentional and serves to focus attention on the granular details Ribuyo conjures from his machines. Think the experiments of similarly minded Mille Plateaux and Raster Norton artists. When played through headphones at volume, its full queasy Room 101 buzz and grind squirms most effectively into the brain. Easy listening this is not, but if and when home gatherings resume this would be an ideal way to clear the house.

Andrew Forell

  Che Noir — After 12 EP (TCF Music Group)

If you’ve been paying attention to hip-hop in the last few years, Buffalo’s Griselda camp has dominated the “old heads” conversation away from whatever the kids are vibing to on TikTok. But there’s life away from an Eminem partnership, and not just in the form of Benny the Butcher: Witness Che Noir, who has been on fire throughout 2020. After starting off the year with the 38 Spesh-produced Juno and following it up with the Apollo Brown-produced As God Intended, Che’s closing things out with this self-produced seven-song EP that covers a wide range of territory without dipping into tales of street hustling, just the age old struggle to get some respect. “Hunger Games” is an early highlight that shows her chemistry with Ransom and 38 Spesh, while she completely takes over in speaking to the times on “Moment in the Sun,” which is the clear emotional highlight of the EP. Amber Simone’s pleading chorus on closer “Grace” is another stylistic turn and closes things on a high note. The last words you hear are Simone’s as she sings, “Imma go get it”; the lingering effect is that you know Che Noir is already showing you as much. Miss this one at your own risk.

Patrick Masterson 

 Cong Josie — “Leather Whip” b/w “Maxine” (It Records)

Leather Whip / Maxine (AA single) by Cong Josie

Frankie Teardrop rides again in this smoking synth punk single from Australia’s Cong Josie. “Leather Whip” is about as menacing and minimal as synthesizer music gets, braced by the hard slap of gate-reverbed drums and a claw-picked bass sound (maybe electronic?) and Cong Josie’s whispery insinuations. “Maxine” is just as stripped, with blotchy bass sound and swishing drum machine rhythms framing a haunted rockabilly love song. It’s very Suicide, but isn’t that a good thing?

Jennifer Kelly

   Divine Horsemen — Live 1985-1987 (Feeding Tube)

Divine Horsemen “Live”1985-1987 by Divine Horsemen

With Divine Horsemen, Chris D of the Flesh Eaters had a brief but memorable run in vivid, gothic, country-tinged punk. This disc commemorates two red-hot live outings from 1985 and 1987, the first at Safari Sam’s in Huntington Beach, California, the second at Boston’s The Rat. A sharply realized recording shows how this band’s sound fit into the cowpunk parameters set by X, with strident guitar clangor and hard knocking rock rhythms (the ax-heavy line-up featured in this recording included Wayne James, Marshall Rohner and Peter Andrus on guitars, the Flesh Eater’s Robyn Jameson on bass). The secret weapon, though, was the ongoing and volatile vocal duel between the front man and his then-wife Julie Christensen, a classically trained soprano with an unholy vibrato-laced belt. You can hear how she transformed his art by comparing the Flesh Eater’s version of “Poison Arrow” with the one here. It’s as aggressive as ever, musically, and Chris D. is in full florid, echoey, goth-punk mode. Christensen, however, is molten fire, letting loose cascades and flurries of wild vibrating song. There’s a scorching, stomping romp through the vamping “Hell’s Belle,” and a lurid rendering of mad, howling “Frankie Silver,” and, towards the end, a muscular take on the Stones’ “Gimme Shelter.” Christensen later made a mark as one of Leonard Cohen’s favorite backup singers, and Chris D is still knocking around with a reunited, all-star Flesh Eaters, though there’s some talk of getting this band back together as well. I’d go.

Jennifer Kelly

 Dezron Douglas & Brandee Younger — Force Majeure (International Anthem)

Force Majeure by Dezron Douglas & Brandee Younger

Harlem harpist Brandee Younger and bassist Dezron Douglas faced down New York’s early months of quarantine with a series of live broadcasts recorded in their apartment on a single microphone. This document of intimate resilience collects highlights of the Friday ritual. Younger and Douglas perform covers of spiritual Jazz, soul and pop songs as well as the delightfully titled original “Toilet Paper Romance.” The music is so close you feel the fingers on the strings and frets. Younger’s harp playing is a revelation, pianistic on John Coltrane’s “Equinox”, pointillist yet robust on his “Wise One” which they dedicate to Ahmaud Arbery. Douglas provides vigorous and sympathetic accompaniment and his solo rendition of Sting’s “Inshallah” is a tender tough exploration of his instrument. Along the way there are lovely versions of pieces by, amongst others, Alice Coltrane, Kate Bush and Clifton Davis. Douglas closes with the words “Black music cannot be recreated it can only be expressed” and Force Majeure demonstrates that the same goes for humanity and creativity.

Andrew Forell

Avalon Emerson — 040 12” (AD 93)

040 by Avalon Emerson

It’s been a big year for Avalon Emerson, who started 2020 prepping a move from Berlin to East Los Angeles and ends it back home stateside with an almost universally acclaimed DJ-Kicks entry to her credit. This three-song 12” for the label fka Whities is a nice way to close out a triumphant year, illustrating her penchant for bright melodies and percussive detail. “One Long Day Till I See You Again” is a welcoming slice of beatless percolation to close; “Winter and Water” leans heavily on rhythmic tricks in the middle. That makes A1 “Rotting Hills” the ideal lead as a balance between them. There may not be so obvious a gimmick as a Magnetic Fields cover, but that makes it no less valuable for showing what Emerson can do. Call it one more fluorescent rush.

Patrick Masterson

 End Forest — Proroctwo (Self-released)

Proroctwo (The Prophecy) by End Forest

For some of us, the fusion of folk music forms with crust and metal mostly issues in obscenities like Finntroll (yep, a Finnish band that makes folk metal songs about…trolls) or in politically toxic, Völkisch nationalist fantasias. But some bands get it right; see Botanist’s remarkable work, and see also End Forest, an act just emerging from Poland’s punk underground. Singer Paula Pieczonka employs a traditional Slavic vocal technique that roughly translates to “white singing” — but before you get creeped out by any potential fascist vibes, please know that the “whiteness” at stake in the phrase is purely an aesthetic value. And her voice is really great, open and soaring. “Proroctwo (The Prophecy)” has the sweep and drama of a lot of contemporary crust, and all of the genre’s interest in symbolic violence. The lyrics envision a future wrought and wracked by social conflict, a coming conflagration of torn bodies and of piles of dislodged teeth housed in some horrific archive of viciousness (that’s quite an image). It’s harrowing stuff, big guitar chords accented by sitar and flute. The track is available on Bandcamp, along with several inventive remixes by Polish musicians and DJs, like Tomek Jedynak and Dawid Chrapla. End Forest indicates that a full record is forthcoming sometime in spring. Looking forward to it, y’all.

Jonathan Shaw

 Lori Goldson — On a Moonlit Hill in Slovenia (Eiderdown Records)

On A Moonlit Hill In Slovenia by Lori Goldston

Goldson creates movement and tension in an arresting way with a rough-hewn approach to the cello. This could be a good entry point to her solo work, which is varied and bridges the gap between DIY attitude and elevated levels of musicianship and considered approach. The flow of her playing here evokes the almost brutal scrape of the strings, which gives a welcome texture to the melodic squiggles.

Arthur Krumins

Hot Chip — LateNightTales (LateNightTales)

The LateNightTales series of artist-curated mixes has seen a fair bit of variation over the years since Fila Brazilia first took up the torch in 2001, which makes a certain amount of sense; how we spend our late nights can differ wildly, of course. Hot Chip’s instalment in the series hits some of the expected notes (at least one cover, in this case a deeply moving one of the Velvet Underground’s “Candy Says” they’ve been playing since Alexis Taylor and Joe Goddard were in high school together; a closing story track, in this case Taylor’s father reading a bit from Finnegan’s Wake) and otherwise depicts the kind of late night Dusted readers might be more familiar with than most; one where a clearly voracious and eclectic listener is keeping their own private party going just for another hour or so, but always keeping things just quiet and subtle enough to not wake up anyone upstairs. The three other, non-cover new Hot Chip tracks all make for standouts here but there’s plenty of room for accolades, whether it’s for the smoothly groovy (Pale Blue, Mike Saita, Beatrice Dillon), the more avant garde (Christina Vantzou, About Group, Nils Frahm) to just plain off-kilter pop (Fever Ray, PlanningToRock, Hot Chip themselves). The result works as both a wonderful playlist and a survey of the band’s sonic world; and it does work best when everyone else is in bed.  

Ian Mathers

Annette Krebs Jean-Luc Guionnet — Pointe Sèche (Inexhaustible Editions)

pointe sèche by Jean-Luc Guionnet, Annette Krebs

Annette Krebs and Jean-Luc Guionnet recorded the three long, numbered tracks on Pointe Sèche (translation: Dry Point) over the course of three days at St. Peter’s Parish church in Bistrica ob Sotli, Slovenia. Location matters because this music couldn’t happen just anywhere; Guionnet plays church organ. Krebs was once part of the post-Keith Rowe generation of tabletop guitarists, but since 2014 she has abandoned strings and fretboards in favor of a series of hybrid instruments called konstruktions. Konstruktion #4, which appears on this record, includes suspended pieces of metal, a handful of toy animals, a wooden sounding board, vocal and contact microphones and a couple touch screens that manage computer programs. While both musicians have extensive backgrounds in improvisation, this recording sounds more like an audio transcription of a multi-media collage. Guionnet plays his large instrument quite softly, extracting machine-like hums, brief burps and dopplering tones that flicker around the periphery of Krebs’ fragments of speech, distant clangs and unidentifiable events. The resulting sounds resolutely defy decoding, which is its own reward in a time when so much music can be reduced to easily identifiable antecedents.

Bill Meyer

 KMRU — ftpim (The Substation)

ftpim by KMRU

If you happened to catch Peel, Joseph Kamaru’s wonderful release on Editions Mego in late July, but haven’t paid attention before or since, early December’s half-hour two-tracker ftpim done for (and mastered by) Room40 leader Lawrence English is a Janus-faced example of the Nairobi-based ambient artist’s power. As Ian Forsythe put it in his BOGO review of both Peel and Opaquer, “Something that can define an effective ambient record is an ability to disintegrate the perimeter of the record itself and the outside world,” a line I think about every time I listen to KMRU now. “Figures Emerge” feels more immediately accessible to me as a relatable environment where the gentle, pulsing drone is occasionally greeted by sounds outside the studio, while “From the People I Met” is more difficult terrain, a distorted fog of post-shoegaze harmonic decay — no less interesting, but perhaps more metaphorical in its take on the outside world. (Or not, given how 2020 has gone.)

Patrick Masterson

  Paul Lovens / Florian Stoffner—Tetratne (Ezz-thetics)

Enough years separate drummer Paul Lovens and guitarist Florian Stoffner that they could be father and son, and Lovens membership in the Schlippenbach Trio, and Lovens role as drummer in the legendarily long-running Schlippenbach Trio establishes him as an august elder of free improvisation. But the partnership they exhibit on this CD is one of equals committed to making music that is of one mind. Whether matching sparse string-tugging to purposefully collapsing batterie or burrowing sprung-spring wobbles to an immense cymbal wash, the duo plays without regard for showing us one guy or the other’s stuff. The point, it seems, is to how they imagine as one, and their combined craniums generate plenty of imagination. They operate in a realm close to that occupied by Derek Bailey and John Stevens, or Roger Smith and Louis Moholo-Moholo, but their patch of turf is entirely their own.

Bill Meyer

  Mr. Teenage — Automatic Love (Self-Release)

Automatic Love by Mr. Teenage

Melbourne, Australia’s fertile garage punk scene has squeeze out another good one in Mr. Teenage, a Buzzcockian foursome prone to short, sharp riffs and sing-along choruses. A four-song EP starts with the title track, whose arch talk-sung verse erupts into rabid, rip-sawing guitar, like Devo meeting the Wipers. “Waste of Time” piles palm muted urgency with explosive release, with a good bit of the Clash in the crashing, clangor. “KIDS” struts and swaggers in a rough-edged way that’s close to the violence of early Reigning Sound or Texas’ Bad Sports. “Oh, the kids these days,” to borrow a phrase, they’re pretty good.

Jennifer Kelly

 Nekra — Royal Disruptor (La Vida Es Un Mus)

Royal Disruptor by Nekra

Remember punk shows? Remember half-lit, dusty basements and fully lit, dirty kids? Remember your sneaker soles sticking to scuffed, gummy linoleum? Remember greasy denim battle jackets and hand-drawn Sharpie slogans? Remember warm beer (watery domestic suds in cans and cups) and cold stares (angsty bravado and bad attitude for its own sake)? Remember anarchists arguing with nihilists, and riot grrrls arguing with rocker boys? Remember people laughing and people smoking and people shouting and people spitting, all without masks? Remember the anticipation that crisps the air when the amps switch on? Feedback from the cheap-ass mic stabbing your ears? Beefy dudes elbowing through the press of flesh? That volatile, stomachy mix of happiness and truculence? Those warm-up thumps of the bass drum and the initial strums of crackling guitar? Remember all that? For the time being, in the United States of Dysfunction, here’s the closest thing you’ll get: an EP of feral, fast punk songs that sound like they’re happening live, right in front of your face. Thanks, Nekra — I really needed that.

Jonathan Shaw

 Neuringer / Dulberger / Masri — Dromedaries II (Relative Pitch)

Dromedaries II by Keir Neuringer, Shayna Dulberger, Julius Masri

Yes, Dromedaries II is a sequel. It follows by three years a debut cassette which was sold in the sort of microquantities that 21st century cassettes are sold. So, it’s more likely that you have heard another of the bands that the trio’s alto saxophonist, Keir Neuringer, plays in — Irreversible Entanglements. While the two combos don’t sound that similar, they share a commitment to improvising propulsive, cohesive music that will put a boot up your butt if you get in the way. While IE focuses on supplying music that frames and exemplifies the stern proclamations of vocalist Camae Ayewa, the trio plays instrumental free jazz that balances individual expression with collective support. Neuringer, double bassist Shayna Dulberger and drummer Julius Masri play like their eyes are on the horizon, but each musician’s ears are tuned into what the other two are doing. The result is music that seems to move in concerted fashion, but usually has someone doing something that pulls against the prevailing thrust in ways that heighten tension, but never force the music off track.

Bill Meyer

Kelly Lee Owens — Inner Song (Smalltown Supersound)

One of the distinctive things about Kelly Lee Owens’ marvellous debut LP a few years ago, as noted here, is that it felt so confident and distinct that it could have easily been the work of a much more seasoned producer. That impression, of a deftly skilled hand at the controls and a keen artistic sensibility and taste shaping it all, certainly doesn’t recede on Inner Song, whether it finds Owens homaging the grandmother who provided support and inspiration (“Jeanette”), gently but firmly rejecting unhealthy relationships (the utterly gorgeous “L.I.N.E.”) or teaming up with John Cale to make some bilingual, deep Welsh ambient dub (“Corner of My Sky”). And that’s one pretty randomly chosen three-song run! Owens continues to excel at both crafting gorgeous, lived-in productions and maybe especially with her handling of voices (her own and others), and she’s comfortable enough in her own skin that if she wants to open up the album with an instrumental Radiohead version (“Arpeggi”) she will, and she’ll make it feel natural, too.  

Ian Mathers

San Kazakgascar — Emotional Crevasse (Lather Records)

Emotional Crevasse by San Kazakgascar

You won’t find San Kazakgascar on any map, but give a listen and you’ll know where this combo is coming from. Geographically, they hail from Sacramento CA, where they share personnel with Swimming In Bengal. But sonically, they are the product of a journey through music libraries that likely started out in a Savage Republic and sweated in the shadow of Sun City Girls. They likely spent time in the teetering stacks of music collections compiled in a time when the problematic aspects of the term world music were outweighed by the lure of sounds you hadn’t heard before. More important than where they’ve been, though, is the impulse to go someplace other than where they’re currently standing. To accomplish this, twangy guitars, rhythms that straighten your spine whilst swiveling your hips, bottom-dredging saxophone and a cameo appearance by a throat singer who understands that part of a shaman’s job is to scare you each take their turn stepping up and pointing your mind elsewhere. Where it goes after that is up to you.

Bill Meyer

     John Sharkey III — “I Found Everyone This Way” (12XU)

Has Sharkey mellowed? This early peek at the upcoming solo album from the Clockcleaner legend and Dark Blue proprietor suggests a pensive mood, with liquid jangle and surprisingly subdued and lyrical delivery (albeit in the man’s inimitable hollowed out and wounded snarl). But give the artist a power ballad if that’s what he wants. The song has a graceful arc to it, a doomed romanticism and not an ounce of cloying sentiment.

Jennifer Kelly

 Sky Furrows — Sky Furrows (Tape Drift Records/Skell Records/Philthy Rex Records)

Sky Furrows by Sky Furrows

Sky Furrows don’t take long to match sound and message. As Karen Schoemer drops references to SST Records and Raymond Pettibone, bassist Eric Hardiman and drummer Philip Donnelly whip up a tense groove that could easily have been played by Mike Watt and George Hurley. Mike Griffin’s spidery, treble-rich guitar picking is a little less specifically referential, but does sound like it was fed through a signal chain of gear that would have been affordable back in the first Bush administration. The next track looks back a bit further; Schoemer’s voice aside, it sounds like Joy Division might have done if Tom Herman had turned up, pushed Martin Hannet out of the control room before he could ladle on the effects and instead laid down some space blues licks. Schoemer recites rather than sings in a cadence that recalls Lee Ranaldo’s; pre-internet underground rock is in this band’s DNA. The sounds themselves are persistently cool, but one drawback of having a poet instead of a singer up front is an apparent reluctance to vary the structure; it would not have hurt to break things up with some contrasting passages here or there.

Bill Meyer

  Soft on Crime — “You’ve Already Made Up Your Mind” b/w “Rubyanne” (EatsIt)

7'' by Soft on Crime

These Dublin fuzz-punks kick up a guitar-chiming clangor in A-Side, “You’ve Already Made Up Your Mind,” which might have you reaching for your old Sugar records. Sharp but sweet, the cut is an unruly gem buoyed by melody but bristling with attitude. “Rubyanne” is slower, softer and more ingratiating, embellished with baroque pop elements like flute, saxophone and choral counterpoints. “Little 8 Track” fills out this brief disc, with crunching, buzz-hopped bass and a bit of guitar jangle under whisper-y romantic vocals. It’s a bit hard to get a handle on the band, based on such disparate samples, but intriguing enough to make you want to settle the matter whenever more material becomes available.

Jennifer Kelly

Theoxinia — See the Lapith King Burn (Bandcamp)

See the Lapith King Burn by Theoxenia

Students of Greek mythology will grasp it right away, but in the internet age, it doesn’t take anyone long to figure out that when you name your record See the Lapith King Burn, you’re casting your lot for better or worse with the party animals. The Lapiths were one side of a lineage that also involved the considerably less sober-sided Centaurs, and the two sides of the family had a bloody showdown at a wedding that has been taken to symbolize the war between civilization and wildness. Theoxinia is Dave Shuford (No-Neck Blues Band, Rhyton, D. Charles Speer & the Helix) and his small circle of stringed instruments and low-cost repeating devices. If you were to dig through his past discography, it most closely resembles the LP Arghiledes (Thrill Jockey) in its explicitly Hellenic-psychedelic vibe. But, like so many folks in recent times, Shuford has decided to bypass the expanse and aggravation of physical publication in favor of marketing this LP-sized recording on Bandcamp. If that fact really bugs you, I guess you could start a label and make the man an offer. But if fuzz-tone bouzouki, sped-up loops and unerringly traced dance steps that will look most convincing when executed with a knife between your teeth and the sheriff’s wallet poking mockingly out of the top of your breast pocket sounds like your jam, See the Lapith King Burn awaits you in the realm of digital insubstantiality.

Bill Meyer

 Trees — 50th Anniversary Edition (Earth Recordings)

Trees (50th Anniversary Edition) by Trees

This boxed set presents the two original Trees albums from the early 1970s, The Garden of Jane Delawney and On the Shore, with the addition of demos and sundry recordings from the era. Here the band took the UK folk rock sound emergent at the time and drew it out into its jammy and somewhat arena rock guitar soloing conclusion. It’s good to have all of this in one place to document the myriad ways that Trees wrapped traditional material into new forms and with a bracing, druggy feel.

Arthur Krumins 

 Uncivilized — Garden (UNCIV MUSIC)

Garden by Uncivilized

Guitarist Tom Csatari presides over NYC-based large jazz ensemble known as Uncivilized, whose fusion-y discography stretches back a couple of years and prominently incorporates a cover of the Angelo Badalamenti theme from Twin Peaks. This 27-track album was recorded live at Brooklyn’s Pioneer Works space in 2018 with a nine-piece band, who navigate drones and dances and the multi-part Meltedy Candy STOMP, a sinuous exploration of space age keyboards and surging big band instruments. Jaimie Branch, who lives next door to Csatari and was invited on a whim at the last minute, joins in for the second half including a smoldering rendition of the Lynch theme. It’s damn fine (though not coffee). Later on, Stevie Wonder gets the Uncivilized treatment in a pensive cover of “Evil,” led by warm guitar, blowsy sax and a little bit of jazz flute.

Jennifer Kelly

 Unwed Sailor — Look Alive (Old Bear Records)

Look Alive by Unwed Sailor

Johnathon Ford, who plays bass for Pedro the Lion, has been at the center of Unwed Sailor for two decades, gathering a changing cohort of players to realize his lucid instrumental compositions. Here, as on last year’s Heavy Age, Eric Swatzell adds guitars and Matthew Putnam drums to Ford’s essential bass and keyboard sounds. Yet while Heavy Age brooded, Look Alive grooves with bright clarity, riding insistent basslines through highly colored landscapes of synths and drums. The title track bounds with optimism, with big swirls of synth sound enveloping a rigorous cadence of bass and drums. “Camino Reel” is more guitar-centric but just as uplifting, opening out into squalling shoe-gaze-y walls of amplified sound. Ford, who usually leans on post-punk influences like New Order and the Cure, indulges an affinity for dance, here, especially audible on the trance-y “Gone Jungle” remix by GJ.

Jennifer Kelly

 Your Old Droog — Dump YOD Krutoy Edition (Self-released)

Dump YOD: Krutoy Edition by YOD

American rapper Your Old Droog has been releasing solid music for years. He never had ups for the same reason he never had downs: he never left his comfort zone. Dump YOD Krutoy Edition (where “krutoy” stands for “rude boy” or “badass”) may be his breakthrough album. He always kept his Soviet origins in check, and here for the first time he draws his imagery from three different sources: New York urban present, Ukrainian folk and Soviet and post-Soviet past (even Boris Yeltsin makes an appearance). In this boiling pot, a new Your Old Droog is rising, among balalaikas and mean streets of NYC, matryoshkas and producers with boring beats, babushkas and graffiti writers.

Ray Garraty

[chelledoggo]

[Fanfic] Rainbow Rhythm [101 Dalmatian Street]

genre: one-shot, slice of life

age rating: all ages

content warnings: mildly touches on feelings of depression/anxiety

summary: After a diagnosis from “Dr. Mum,” Dante is coaxed into attending one of Deepak’s Rainbow Rhythm breath classes to help him cope with his anxiety.

“Remind me again why you've got me up at nearly 7 in the morning,” the black-furred goth dalmatian groaned.

“Dr. Mum's orders, Dante,” replied Dylan. “She said your blood pressure is way too high for a pup your age. You need to get that stress level down.”

“Yeah, bro,” chimed Dolly. “Ya gotta learn to chillaaaaax~ The bags under your eyes are looking even baggier than usual!”

“You try to 'chillax' when the CONSTANT THREAT OF TOTAL GLOBAL ANNIHILATION IS CONSTANTLY LOOMING OVER YOU,” Dante retorted. “Also, don't diss my bags. I'm quite proud of them, thank you. They're a symbol of my diligence.”

“Just try to go into this with an open mind, Dante,” Dylan pleaded. “Besides, Deepak's been wanting you to attend one of his Rainbow Rhythm breath classes for ages. At least do it to make him happy. Just this once?”

“Yeah, Dante,” Dolly added, playfully poking at her goth brother's chest. “We know you've got a heart in there, no matter how cynical you try to act.”

Dante sighed in relent. “Whatever...”

The three elder pups walked out into the backyard, where Deepak had everything set up. Several of their siblings were seated on yoga mats, softly chatting among each other under the morning sun while they waited for the class to begin.

Deepak, who was meditating to himself while waiting for everyone to arrive, opened one eye to see his three older siblings walking up to the class. The yin-yang puppy's face lit up at the sight of his gloomy brother Dante. Deepak quickly got up from his seat to give his brother a hug, at which the goth's face recoiled.

“Oh, Dante,” Deepak murmured enthusiastically. “Namaste, brother! I'm so pleased that you've decided to join us today!”

“Mum made him,” snarked Dolly.

“Dolly!” Dylan quietly scolded through his teeth as he nudged his sister.

Dante sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Well,” Deepak chuckled, “Regardless of why you're attending, I'm just glad to see you here, Dante. I'm certain a Rainbow Rhythm meditation session will do your body, mind, and spirit a world of good.”

“If you say so,” Dante sighed.

The goth pup slowly walked over to a free mat in the back row and slouched down. Dylan and Dolly took their seats on the mats on either side of him and flashed him a sincere grin. Dante sighed and blew one of his floppy ears away from his face.

Suddenly, the sound of finger cymbals broke the soft murmuring of conversation as the pups all looked up in attention at Deepak.

“Good morning, dear siblings,” Deepak greeted softly as he placed his front paws together. “Namaste.”

“Namasteeee!” Echoed a cheerful chorus of pups, causing Dante to roll his tired eyes.

“Inside of every living creature,” Deepak began, “there is a beautiful rainbow; Seven points of light and energy that charge different aspects of ourselves. We call these points the chakras, and when they are properly balanced and energized, we will feel peace and harmony flow throughout our being.”

Dante made a quiet attempt to get up, but Dylan gently pulled him back by his collar.

“C'mon, man,” Dante whispered. “I can't deal with all this hippy-dippy rainbow talk.”

“You're gonna have to,” Dylan replied quietly, “Or Mum's not gonna let you go to any more Cats' Canal gigs. Besides, you'll let down poor Deepak if you leave now.”

Dante groaned and sat back down. Thankfully, Deepak was too deep into his introduction speech to notice the gloomy pup had tried to leave.

“We'll start by closing the eyes...” Deepak instructed.

All the pups, including the reluctant Dante, closed their eyes.

“...And...breathe...” Deepak continued, as he gently chimed his finger cymbals together.

The class slowly inhaled together in unison at the sound of the cymbals. Deepak then chimed them again, signaling for the class to exhale. A few silent minutes were spent getting the class into the rhythm of the breathing before their instructor moved onto the guided visualization.

“Imagine yourself being surrounded by a bright, warm, beautiful rainbow,” Deepak murmured. “See every color in your mind, as brightly and vividly as you can.”

Ughhh...okay, Dante thought to himself, Rainbow...one of those ugly bright things that shows up after a perfectly good rainstorm...how do those look again?

Dante's mind managed to conjure up a fairly vivid rainbow.

Yuck. I'm starting to gross myself out. But, there it is.

“Now that you can see this vibrant rainbow in your mind,” Deepak continued, “Focus on the color red. See a bright glowing red surrounding you. Red is connected to the root chakra, located at the base of the spine, just before the tail. This chakra connects us to the earth and keeps us grounded, even in the most difficult times. Repeat to yourself: 'I am safe. I am grounded. I will survive.'”

Fine, Dante thought to himself with a sigh. I'm...safe. I'm...grounded. I will..survive...Survive the END OF THE WORLD WHO AM I KIDDING NO ONE IS GOING TO SURVIVE WE'RE ALL DONE FOR--

Dante began hyperventilating and whimpering as he panicked inside his own head.

Dolly opened one eye and looked over at him, then began gently rubbing his back.

“Shhh...It's okay, buddy,” she whispered. “Bring it back in. Just breeeeathe, bro.”

“R-right...” Dante stuttered, sucking in a deep breath and closing his eyes to try and relax again.

“Now,” Deepak instructed, “Envision the color orange surrounding you. Orange is connected to the sacral chakra, located in the lower belly. This chakra allows us to observe our emotions and how they affect us, as well as those around us. Repeat to yourself: 'I am aware of how I feel. I am emotionally balanced. I am in touch with my feelings.'”

Dante returned to his thoughts.

I am...ugh...aware of how I feel...I am emotionally balanced...I am...in touch with...my feelings?...R-really? Am I? Do I ever really feel anything? Besides constant existential dread, that is. I really am messed up, aren't I?

Dante's body was twitching in his seat as his face winced in stress.

Dylan peeked over at his stressed out brother.

“You got this, Dante,” he whispered to the goth. “Keep your breathing steady. Whatever you're feeling, just let it pass by.”

Dante steadied himself and brought his posture back up, once again trying to reel his thoughts back in.

“Next,” Deepak continued, “Imagine yourself surrounded by the color yellow. This is the color connected to the solar plexus chakra, located below the ribcage. This chakra is associated with confidence and self-esteem, and grants us a feeling of control over our lives. Repeat to yourself: 'I am confident. I am worthy. I am in control.'”

I'm...confident...Wait, am I confident? Do I have any control over my life? I mean...I spend pretty much every waking moment of my life thinking about our inevitable demise. Could I focus on anything else if I tried? Is worrying all I'm good for?

Dante became aware of himself beginning to tense up.

N-no...I'm just gonna have to make myself focus...Otherwise I'm just gonna get all worked up again...What was it he said to repeat?...Oh, right...I am confident...I am worthy...I am in control...Yeah...That's right...Just gotta keep telling myself that...

Dante continued repeating the mantra in his head in a genuine effort to get into the right mindset. He started to feel his muscles loosing up a little, but he still had to try to push back any nagging notions that he might fall back apart at any moment.

“Now, imagine the color green,” Deepak said soothingly. “This color is associated with the heart chakra, located in the center of the chest. This chakra is associated with love for ourselves and all living things in the universe, and connects the top and bottom three chakras. As you focus on this point, repeat this to yourself: 'I love my family. I love all living beings. I love myself.' Feel the sensation of love radiating within you and without you.”

Dante stifled back a cynical chuckle. At this point he'd figured he should try to take this seriously, even if it did sound way too cutesy for his tastes.

Alright...I...I love my family...Yeah. I...I really do love my family, don't I? I mean...they don't really get me most of the time, but they put up with me anyway. They put up with me constantly panicking and feeling bad about myself. They don't see me as the lost cause that I see myself as. I guess Dolly and Dylan making me come to this...weird rainbow class thing...just proves how much they care about me.

Dante smiled a tiny bit at the thought of it.

Guess I should try to be a little easier on myself, huh? If not for me, then for them.

He continued repeating the rest of the mantra in his head, really trying to “feel” every word of it. He really was starting to relax a little bit more, much to his surprise.

“Now, picture a light blue surrounding you,” Deepak instructed. “This is the color connected to the throat chakra. This chakra controls our ability to communicate our truth, not only with others, but also within ourselves. Repeat to yourself: 'I know my truth. I will accept my truth. I will be honest with myself and others.'”

'My truth?' What even is 'my truth?' That the world is going to crumble around me and everyone I love any day now? Or am I just anticipating it? Am I just looking for ways the world will end? ...Well, no duh. Of course I am. I keep looking for signs of the apocalypse until it drives me crazy. That's why my stupid blood pressure's so high. The truth is that I  don't need to be doing this to myself and that it's only hurting me and making my folks worry about me.

Dante heaved a sigh.

Guess I should work on that...For them...

“And now we move on,” continued Deepak, “and picture a deep indigo around us. This is the color of the third-eye chakra, located on the brow, which controls our intuition and awareness. Repeat to yourself: 'I know what is. I accept the world as it is right now. I am present in the moment.'”

Okay...I know what is...That the world's currently not ending and there's nothing I can do about it. I accept the world as it is right now...Not ended. Not yet. I am present in the moment...'Present'...How do I be 'present?'

Dante tried to examine the current moment. His breathing was still slow and steady, in time with his siblings on either side of him. He observed the smell of morning grass as the wind gently blew drops of cool dew onto his feet. He listened to the natural ambiance of birds tweeting and bugs chirping mixed with the far-off sounds of the busy streets.

This is...actually kinda nice...I guess...

“And finally,” Deepak spoke softly, “picture a violet light in your mind. This is the color associated with the crown chakra, located at the top of your head. This chakra connects us to our higher self, to the universe...It grants us peace and oneness with all of existence. Repeat to yourself: 'I breathe love and light. I am at peace with the universe. I am at peace with myself.'”

Dante heaved a heavy sigh. This was going to be the hardest thing to convince himself of.

Okay...I...I breathe...love and light...Yeah...I am...at peace with...the universe...Right...I am...at peace with...myself...

Dante felt a strange feeling run up his spine.

Oh Dog...Don't tell me I'm actually starting to believe this...Heh...

Dante began sniffling, and soon felt tears begin running down his face as he began to quietly sob. He felt something lifting off of him, as if years of built-up tension had been released from his body.

He smiled peacefully as he continued sobbing. For the first time in a long time, he really did feel relaxed.

He felt Dolly and Dylan softly rub his back as he wept.

OhDogTheyNoticedIWasCryingOhDogI'llNeverLiveItDown...

Part of him didn't really care, though. He was too busy basking in this strange new blissful sensation.

Deepak also took notice of his brother's emotional release. He didn't want to bring attention to him, so he addressed the class.

“Let's just allow ourselves to be present in this peaceful feeling for a while,” he whispered.

There were a few moments of silence, save for Dante's soft weeping, which eventually quieted down. Afterwards, Deepak guided the class back through the spectrum of colors backwards to bring them back to normal awareness.

Dante's eyes slowly opened to see most of the pups had dispersed, except for Dolly, Dylan, and Deepak.

“Hnnng....Oh Dog...” Dante groaned in embarrassment.

“How you feelin, buddy?” Dolly asked with a gentle smile.

Dante quickly put on the best attempt at a stoic expression that he could muster.

“I'm fine...” he grumbled, trying to look uninterested.

“Hey,” Dylan said comfortingly. “We're all really proud of you, y'know.”

“Yeah...Whatever...” Dante sighed.

His eyes suddenly drifted downward to meet Deepak's. The young yogi pup looked up at his brother with wide, glistening eyes and a warm smile as his tail wagged.

Dante cleared his throat and looked off into the distance.

“It was, um...Pretty nice, I guess...” Dante mumbled sheepishly. “Pretty, um...relaxing...You did a good job, Deepak.”

“You did a good job, brother,” Deepak replied. “I've never seen you so at peace before...and so in touch with your emotions, too! This is a big step for you, Dante!”

The tiny puppy wrapped his arms around his goth brother and pulled himself in for a hug.

Dante couldn't help but grin a bit, in spite of himself.

“Will you be joining us again next week?” Deepak asked as he looked up hopefully at Dante.

Dante gave his little bro a small, yet genuine smile.

“Heh...I guess I can make it...” he replied with a chuckle.

Dolly and Dylan joined in on the brothers' hug.

Dante closed his eyes and sighed, enjoying the warmth of his siblings' embrace.

This...was peace.

[nathyfaith]

Give You Love

This was inspired by the Gabriel Monthly Challenge for August.

Statement Prompt: It was as though the entire summer had flown past in the time it took him to blink. 

Summary:  Gabriel remembered two things very clearly, the moment Dean told him Sam was dead and the moment he decided he would sacrifice anything for Sam's soul, including his immortal life. Pairing: Gabriel /Sam Winchester Warnings: Angst and fluff

AO3

Special thanks to my adorable beta-reader and savior @youarentreadingthis

"You may need me there To carry all your weight But you're no burden I assure You tide me over With a warmth I'll not forget But I can only give you love"

Sam stretched, his long arms going behind his neck as he allowed his head to lull in them for a second. In front of him, books upon more books, scrolls, notes and way too many empty cups of coffee laid over the war table.

His eyes hurt after hours of going through moldy papers with useless information, his mind working non-stop. All these people in the bunker were just useless to him. None of them were short with golden ethereal eyes, light brown hair and a teasing smirk. None of them were Gabriel.

And his guilt only grew. He didn't know how to push away the image of Gabriel, one of the most powerful beings in the universe, being gutted by Michael. He couldn't overcome this loss once again without fighting to make things right. He knew it was futile, knew he couldn't possibly bring Gabriel back by his force of will, but boy, did he try.

He spent a lot of time plotting, another great portion of it praying, and when sleep finally claimed him it was dreamless.

                                                         ****

 It was as though the entire summer had flown past in the time it took him to blink. 

Or rather an entire year. Gabriel remembered two things very clearly, the moment Dean told him Sam was dead and the moment he decided he would sacrifice anything for Sam's soul, including his immortal life.

Fragments of noises and voice reached him slowly, disturbing the quietness that felt almost hypnotic as if he suddenly decided to breathe it would break such a dull spell. It was pitch black, and Gabriel could only see darkness, the stagnated air troubling him. He had heard about this place, of this being, of everlasting peacefulness --- boring --- that’s what it was. Dad help him, he was not going to stay a second longer in this place.  

I wonder if you knew.

Gabriel closed his vessel’s eyes and opened them again in alarm. The question spoken as a declaration of sorts shook him. His grace tingled to the surface, building as strong as ever, if not more. That was new. Someone clearly had nothing better to do than write, pray and think about him. The lowest and less loved archangel, or so he thought.

"Oh, wonderful. Another one." The voice was crude, hardly amused.

"Who is there? Where am I?" Gabriel asked, rising in search of the voice.

"I won't lose my sleep on you," It said. He looked a lot like a younger version of Brad Pitt, his snark stopping Gabriel from really appreciating his physique. "I have absolutely zero patience with annoyances such as yourself. Chop-chop, you go. And preferably don't come back, as in ever."

It feels so unfair that I had no time to tell you. 

Gabriel despised angel radio, mostly because focusing on it when you were out of practice was dreadful. Like a radio with interference or a human who was sound sensitive.

How to bring an archangel back from death 101. Ha. As if it was only this simple. Time to bed, you. You're getting brain fried already. 

Who was getting brain fried over him?

Gabriel frowned in confusion. The Brad Pitt look-alike was nowhere in sight. Ugh, where in the world-- 

woosh  bumph   thump

-- was that his vessel falling as ungracefully as a goddamn bloody banana?

Could his return be even more ridiculous? He bet when Cassie came back the seraph graciously fell in his vessel’s legs like a perfect cheetah cat. The damn traitor. Why couldn't Cas be as clumsy as he? 

And Dad above, he missed that seraph. So much it ached in his vessel’s bones. He got up, his eyes falling on the empty road. A faraway car made its presence known as it drove past him to the sound of Angel With a Shotgun, the volume bordering the sound barrier.

Amused, Gabriel dusted his jeans, only to roll his eyes at his own antics, and snapping his fingers, changing back to his favorite pair of sneakers, leather green jacket, brown shirt and washed jeans. Ah, much better. 

Surely you knew I was--

I was what? In love? Head over heels? Infatuated? Honestly, Sam, it's a blessing Dean can't hear your thoughts, otherwise… endless material for teasing. 

Gabriel took flight, six giant golden wings gracing the sky, cutting through clouds, the moisture of water touching his feathers. In a flap of wings, he landed easily behind the bunker. It was quiet inside, which was odd. He was expecting a buzzing of people, but as he allowed his hearing to pick up, he only caught four heartbeats: Dean, Cas, Jack, and Sam. Where was everyone?

"Hey, Gabe. How is your night today? I know this is getting boring already, but I did promise to tell you about things here until we got you back, so, here goes nothing," Sam started, his voice low and worn out.

"The otherworld hunters have left. I mean, they’re still here, but not in here anymore." Gabriel heard him sigh and could easily see Sam running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "What I meant was -- and this is a testification to my tiredness -- is that they left the bunker. And I can't for the life of me get used to this silence. Before, their constant bickering and buzzing drove me insane, but now the silence is deafening. Even Rowena, who I always cared for, no matter her faults, drove me mad. Though, regarding her, I was painfully jealous. She had a memory of you to cherish and hold dear, while all of our memories together are somehow stained with blood, mistrust, and tears. This taciturnity is driving me slowly towards insanity. It's like those minutes where I wanted to scream your name and run towards you and I couldn't-- couldn't…" Sam's voice broke in a strangled cry and Gabriel didn’t stop his grace from reacting, flying faster than a blink of an eye towards Sam.

"Sam," Gabriel murmured, invading Sam's personal space and enveloping the larger man into his arms and wings. It took a moment for Sam's brain to catch on, but the second it did, he buried himself into Gabriel's chest, allowing his warmth to course through his limbs, and his honeyed smell to wash away his fears.

“You’re not some sort of delusion of mine, are you?” Gabriel chuckled, the sound reverberating through his chest, pouring into Sam’s body and reaching into his soul. 

“Thanks to your stubbornness, I’m a 100% powered archangel, and I’m afraid The Empty doesn't take returns.” Sam had tears tainting his cheeks, his eyes were red and his clothes had clearly seen better days. Gabriel kissed his temple, knowing Sam needed the reassurance of his touch, using the bit of grace to change the boy's clothes to comfy pajamas and clean his room of the mess it had been made with cups of coffee, dirty clothes over that particular armchair everyone in the planet seemed to own, and overused sheets. 

Sam relaxed in his embrace, almost falling asleep cocooned inside Gabriel's wings, his fingers lightly brushing one of them, "Samish?"

The archangel had maneuvered them into a more comfortable position in Sam's bed. The boy was draped over him like an overgrown octopus. Sam hummed in response, his eyelids heavy with the soft caress of Gabriel's fingers through his hair.

"You surely must have known that I love you too, kiddo," Gabriel confessed, hugging Sam tighter and save in his wings.

Sam woke up feeling better than ever. His hair was all over the place like a bird's nest, his cupcake pajamas and fluffy white socks caring him towards the kitchen, the promise of coffee and bacon allowing to push the sweet dream in the deep corners of his mind. Gabriel's warmth and perfume still lingered in his mind if it were corporeal, Sam swore he would have been able to touch it.

"Dean? Cas?" He called, as he passed through closed doors, and even if it was around nine in the morning, Dean usually made a lot more noise singing and chit-chatting with Jack or Cas. 

Could it have been real? Sam dared to hope.

"Samshine!! How are you in this fine morning?" Gabriel greeted him, his smile as shining as the sun.

"Gabe--" he exhaled, surprised.

"What's gonna be, Sammoose? Pancakes, cereal, orange juice or would rather have a kiss first?" The archangel teased him, moving an eyebrow suggestively.

Sam ignored Gabriel's antics walking straight towards him and pulling him into a hug, every part of them touching each other. Gabriel could hear the hunter's heartbeat slowing down as he relaxed in the archangel's embrace. "I--"

"I know Sam. Question is, do you?" Gabriel asked him, moving slightly so his hand rested on Sam's left cheek as the other rested in the curve of the hunter's back.

"Do I, what?"

"How much I love you, you self righteous dumbass, you bibliophile, you Dad perfect hair--"

Sam didn't need another invitation to claim the archangel's lips and that's how Dean found them two minutes later, mumbling about being scarred for life, grabbing little brothers and sneaky tiny archangel's.

Cas did everyone a favor and kissed him senseless too, Jack smiled at the scene when he popped in the kitchen to robbed three cookies while one was already shoved in his mouth unceremoniously. All was right in his world.

@gabriel-monthly-challenge, @archangelgabriellives, @archangel-with-a-shotgun, @archangelsanonymous, @ttttrickster, @warlockwriter, and @revwinchester

[thebookmen2]

AO3 BNHA fanfiction Master Post

(Not really in a certain order, I like them all) (most pictures were made for the fic while others I found on the internet that I thought best suited it) Alternate quirk Izuku::: Title: Yesterday upon the stair by PitViperOfDoom Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8337607/chapters/19098982 Summary: Midoriya Izuku has always been written off as weird. As if it's not bad enough to be the quirkless weakling, he has to be the weirdquirkless weakling on top of it. But truthfully, the "weird" part is the only part that's accurate. He's determined not to be a weakling, and in spite of what it says on paper, he's not actually quirkless. Even before meeting All-Might and taking on the power of One For All, Izuku isn't quirkless. Not that anyone would believe it if he told them. Notes: BEST BNHA FAN FICTION EVER CREATED! I see dead people Midoriya, Rei!!!!! One of the best fictions that capture all of the BNHA personalities with a stunning plot that is original enough to not be OC but not copying the manga/anime for it to be just a recount of BNHA, infinity/10

Title: UA unsolved by Kabukichou (ameliafromafairytale) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13253055 Summary: "Hey there, ghosts," Midoriya says, "it's me, ya boy." The dorms are haunted. Shenanigans ensue. Notes: so many memes XD, good funny read after u read yesterday upon the stair 

Title: Daymare by IntrospectiveInquisitor Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11277075/chapters/25222215 Summary: Izuku Midoriya has endured a decade of abuse, ridicule, and social ostracization due to his status as 'Quirkless'. Even his childhood friend, Katsuki Bakugou, has tossed him aside and made it a mission to drill his uselessness home. But despite his obstacles and the derision of his peers, Izuku will never give up on his dream of being a hero, and will never feel shame for being called Quirkless. Because it's easier than acknowledging that he has a Quirk at all. Notes: HOHOHOHO! If u like Kacchan pissing his pants this is for u, Starburst! Colourful Izuku, super anxiety, protection squad

Title: Dis(associate) by BeyondTheClouds777 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13853580/chapters/31865358 Summary: Izuku has a “dissociation” Quirk that lets his ghost leave his body, and it’s both convenient and inconvenient at the same time. Either way, though, he's going to do whatever it takes to become a hero. Notes: Ghost!Izuku AU, SUPER punny~! Cat bells

Title: know what i've made by the marks on my hands by Simkjrs Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356197/chapters/25417506 Summary: Midoriya Izuku just wants to lead a quiet, peaceful life. This is foiled by the fact that a) he can see spirits, b) his good nature demands that he help anyone he sees in trouble, and c) he, by all rights, should not exist. Helping the heroes who have fallen victim to the new quirk-breaking drug is a terrible idea for many reasons, the first and most important being that he hates attention and avoids it like the plague. But he's the only one who can help, so he does. This is, Izuku decides as he breaks in, more trouble than it's worth. Notes: just leave the child alone, badass Izuku, super freaking good, good hearted Izuku wanting to not give a shit. Accidentally keeps giving a shit.

Title: but you gotta get up at least once more by Simkjrs Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7392847/chapters/16792135 Summary: Midoriya Izuku does not let his lack of a Quirk prevent him from being strong. Also known as that one AU where Izuku follows the ridiculous training regimen of Saitama from One Punch Man and becomes stronger than anyone ever imagined he could be. Notes: ONE PUUUUUUUUNCH! A great take on Izuku has no quirk AU, engaging read, Izuku and Kacchan relationship tho so toxic is beautiful, great art too! Happy Shinsou!!!!! Everyone: Mitoki no! Mitoki: Mitoki yes! 

Title: I Summoned a Demon 101: an In-comprehensive guide to Corporeal Demon Do's and Don'ts by EAter Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11362569/chapters/25434867 Summary: Midoriya Izuku was born with a quirk: the ability to summon and bind demons from an alternate plane to do his bidding. With only a few days left until the UA entrance exam and still no offensive-type demons in his arsenal, Izuku makes a desperate attempt at summoning one corporeal, a feat he had never before attempted. He'd say it was a success but, he doesn't actually know if it'll be more a help or a hindrance. Especially since Bakugou Katsuki is, well, kind of a shit. Notes: not gonna lie, this is dirty. But I love this fic nevertheless because of Izukus quirk it's amazing, best OC's that don't seem like OC's I summoned a demon fan art: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11777418/chapters/26554554

Title: I exist, in you by Acchidocchi Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7426390/chapters/16867999 Summary: "Having a quirk like this, it's worse than not having one at all," the doctor says, handing some papers over to Inko, whose worried expression has not once wavered. "You'll have to keep a close eye on him to prevent him from hurting himself." Izuku tunes the doctor out. With a quirk like this, he is capable of helping people. And in that moment-- regardless of whatever Inko or the doctor says-- that's all that matters to him. (Or rather, a universe in which young Midoriya Izuku is born with the rare soul bond quirk; allowing him to heal others by transferring their pain to himself). Notes: the feels train is here, Shinsou and Izuku relationship makes me wanna die it's so beautiful, healing quirk Izuku is bootyful, based on Kiznaiver!

Title: Desperate Measures by GlowingArrowsinTheSky and SpiritusRex Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8061265/chapters/18470281 Summary: AU in which Izuku stays quirkless and finds his own way of becoming a hero ; ) Notes: general studies Izuku, the protect squad is strong in this one, vigilante!izuku, Mei makes his gear, ‘The Vigilante’, izuku/todoroki, protection squad hunts Izuku hahaha, Izuku accidentally changes the world lol

Title: Erased Potential by theslytherinpaladin Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11088315/chapters/24735288 Summary: Midoriya Izuku, determined to become a hero before ever meeting All Might, looks for another way. He might not have a quirk, but that can’t be all that being a hero is about. He has the intelligence, the drive, the determination. All he needs now is to know how to use it. Enter Aizawa Shouta. Notes: If Aizawa got to Izuku before All Might (cough well technically Izuku got to Aizawa cough), Daddy Aizawa, Robin Izuku lol, comic books are involved

Title: Death Warmed Over by Kazzarole Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12398358/chapters/28210815 Summary: When Izuku dies, it's with a lot less grace than he always imagined it'd be. But even when he gives up the ghost, there's still things that need to be said--and, luckily, he gets a second chance. (A fic written for PitViperOfDoom's "Yesterday Upon The Stair".) Notes: an unofficial "if Izuku from yesterday upon a stair died", plus Izuku/todoroki is good shit

In BNHA Universe AU's:: Title: Send Endeavor to the Shadow Realm series by PitViperOfDoom Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/584566 Summary: Todoroki Enji is the worst and Midoriya finds ways to let people know it Notes: JUST THIS WHOLE THING IS AMAZING!! Just some pure Izuku/Todoroki with a shit tone of roasting worst dad in existence 100/10 would recommend all of it

Title: The Laundry room by Dellsey Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11567502 Summary: Aizawa is visibly unhappy. “You didn’t know there was a laundry room in the basement? How did you manage before, then?” Everyone starts talking at the same time, and as Aizawa picks up what is said, he starts feeling a very diverse array of emotions, the most intense one being frustration, because, for God’s sake, these are supposed to be the students of the best high school in the country and they couldn’t figure out there were washing machines in the dorm building, but also exasperation when he hears ‘dry cleaner’ (too much money) and ‘mom’ (spoiled, spoiled children), and absolute dread when he hears someone say ‘you’re supposed to wash clothes that often?!’. He sighs. Sometimes, he forgets they’re just kids. Notes: just some good hearted class 1A dorm fluff  

Title: Reverie by AuspiciousWhiskers Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7038916/chapters/16009183 Summary: Shinsou Hitoshi finds a cure for his insomnia in a very unexpected place. Notes: just the best Shinsou/izuku fic tbh, sleepy BOI needs his sleep, Izuku is best boy

Title: Fog lifting by PitViperOfDoom Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12876822 Summary: Izuku doesn't want to be here anymore. He doesn't regret the decisions that led to him ending up here, but he would like to leave now, please. Notes: hooooooly shit I cried, if you like seeing Izuku being hurt u read this, let this boy go home  

Title: That Time Izuku was in a Shitty Mood part of the "that time" series by CaridwenAngetueur1 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11889639 Summary: To say that Izuku had woken up on the wrong side of the bed was an understatement. In fact, Izuku was willing to physically fight anybody who summed it up that simply. No, Midoriya Izuku was in the shittiest of moods and you don't want to fuck with him when he's angry. Notes: Super freakin funny, best reactions to moody Izuku ever, don't fuck with izukus sleep guys

Title: diaper days by Sweet_lives Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8532163/chapters/19559131

Summary: Deku crosses paths with a Villain who has the power to change ages, and leaves Izuku a toddler! Although this unexpected predicament holds many problems, the biggest issue at UA is who'll get to take care of him! Notes: just some wholesome baby Deku being looked after by class 1A 

Title: Be Enough by PitViperOfDoom Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10531698

Summary: Midoriya cracks under the weight of things that may be outside of his control. Bakugou addresses the problem by throwing Todoroki at it. Notes: just some Izuku/todoroki fluff TBH, just throw Todoroki at it and everything will be ok, one chapter fic

Title: Drink my thoughts by Celestialfics Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10643583

Summary: [02:13 AM] todoroki: Are you awake? Notes: just a little bit of depression combined with Izuku/Todoroki 

Title: Make the Most by Eloarei Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12185904/chapters/27665082

Summary: People always said he'd never get into UA without a quirk, but he did his best and he succeeded. And people always said he was never going to meet All Might, but there he was, knocked on the floor of a busy supermarket. It didn't look like him, and maybe that was why people weren't clamoring for autographs, but Izuku recognized those eyes when he saw them. He really had to stop listening to other people. Notes: my first All Might/Izuku fic and it's good shit, quirkiness Izuku, Izuku protection squad  adult Izuku

Fantasy AU:: Title: In the Eye of the Storm by CheshireButton Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11910153/chapters/26911119

Summary: Izuku Midoriya is a scientific prodigy seeking a cure for a rapidly spreading neurodegenerative disease. A potential clue in his research points to a fabled island, guarded by an eternal storm from which no travelers have ever returned. He navigates through the hurricane and discovers an island that is anything but uninhabited. He must adapt to survive against the natives who place intruders in three categories: warriors, mates, or meat. Notes: maaaan I really love this fic!! Warning is a little dirty but not focused on that focused on the OMG best plot and characters, best Kacchan

Title: prince & prince by Authoress Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6565564/chapters/15022348

Summary: Note to self: don't accidentally fall in love with a prince who's in an arranged marriage keeping your kingdoms from declaring war against each other. Especially when you're spying on him as his manservant. Notes: SO GOOD, izuku/todoroki, best man servant Izuku

Title: Remember Me by Blue_Writer Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12603072/chapters/28707684

Summary: It had been years since Bakugou was exiled from his home and became the savage dragon king, but one good thing finally came to his life when he met Izuku again. The only issue, is that he doesn't remember him. Notes: Izuku/Kacchan, you want Kacchan being cute? This is ur fic, dragon boy AU, Izuku wants to be a knight 

Title: break your bones but not your promises by PitViperOfDoom Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12738864/chapters/29051784

Summary: Tales of a world of magic and mundane, of heroes, villains, and everything in between-- of promises kept, bonds forged, and monsters both battled and befriended. Notes: it's a good read, lots of Fae law, baby Izuku and Shino are highlights of my life 

Villain Izuku AU:: Title: the distinction between hope and expectation by Kattenprinsen and Ramabear (RyMagnatar) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6963121/chapters/15874927 Summary: Five years ago, Bakugou's favorite nerdy victim vanished off the face of earth. Even if that was the proper thing for a quirkless, useless kid to do, he never quite forgot those bright green eyes staring resolutely up at him even in the face of Bakugou's violence and explosive quirk. The last thing he expects is to find the boy again in his final year at Yuuei- not just that, but to have him hauled into the middle of a fight by a group of bizarro villains out to smash All Might to bits (or something). Admittedly, it's hard to pay attention to a madman's stupid raving when your childhood friend (not dead. not missing anymore. still useless. still so pathetic. utterly helpless.) stares up at you with eyes that are begging for help. Yuuei hasn't taken his rage or his vulgarity away from him, but it has given him something. Bakugou is a hero. And heroes? They save even the useless ones and save Deku he will. He doesn't have a single plan beyond that moment, doesn't need one. Besides, when it comes right down to it, Deku has all the plans that any of them need. Notes: summary sums it up lol, best mastermind Izuku ever!! Multi-quirk Izuku, kinda nearly turns his whole class into villains? Well...shows them the way  a really good read, Izuku/Shinsou (nose bleed CUTE AF)

Title: The Switch by Rhyllow Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12375993/chapters/28152045 Summary: Just when Todoroki finally realizes his feelings for Midoriya, his world is turned upside down. On a mission, Midoriya was hit with a quirk that turned him into a villain. Brimming with evil, blood lust, and greedy desire, Midoriya has become unrecognizable to his friends. Blaming himself for Midoriya's suffering, Todoroki makes it his mission to restore his love back to his regular self- knowing full well that there may be no hope left. Notes: oh boy, villain Izuku to the max , Izuku is unstoppable BOI

Title: No hero yet no villain by OldSauk411 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868088/chapters/24141750

Summary: Midoriya Izuku had grown up bullied because he didn't have a quirk. Handled with kid's gloves because he also lacked a soulmate. Told he could never be a hero by the person he look up to the most. Filled with rage at everyone that had ever doubted him, he left to become something they wouldn't see coming, to get back at every single one of them for doubting him. He left to become a villain. Notes: got some Izuku and Shiguraki friendship, multi-quirk Izuku, soulmate AU bros, Izuku/todoroki

Soulmate AU:: Title: Burn and Breathe by PitViperOfDoom Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11066478

Summary: Soulmates are connected through pain, and some bonds have more to share than others. Todoroki Shouto wishes he could reject his soulmate. Midoriya wants nothing more than to protect his own. Notes: sweet angsty little read, super powerful "don't you touch him" from Izuku

Omegaverse AU:: Title: we're young and wild and stupid by Dandolion_weed Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12614520

Summary: Omegas who haven't presented deal with their premature heat in different ways. Midoriya Izuku bakes for people he loves. Notes: I'm weak for cute Izuku fics, not dirty just super fluffy

[flyingfloatingfree]

Anxiety Rules OK.

Anyone with any kind of anxiety knows the negatives that affect them.  Fear. Dread. Panic. Over thinking.  Insomnia. IBS. Sweating.  Heart palpitations.  Irritability. Concentration issues.  Chronic pain. Restlessness.  There is probably a 101 I have missed off the list and different people can suffer with any combination for entirely different lengths of time. Anyone living with anxiety can tell you just how debilitating it can be. if they aren’t too scared to tell you at all.  What about the positives though? We don’t ever look for them do we?  Because there are! It’s easy, especially as an anxious person to only see the negative but, when you start to embrace yourself for who you are, you can start to see them. Anxious people have a lot of empathy. When our loved ones struggle, we understand and we genuinely want to help. Even if we don’t understand why they feel the way they do, or we have never been in that situation ourselves, we know that those feelings are real. We don’t try to tell people how they should be feeling, we deal with how they are feeling.  Anxious people are very forgiving. We tend to sense when others are going through a bad time, and although we will worry that we are somehow to blame, we will also forgive you for snapping at us or shouting when you needed too. We don’t hold grudges and as soon as you smile at us again, it’s all forgotten.  Anxious people aren’t very judgemental. We try very hard not to offend people. We really consider the feelings of others before we speak and, if we do find we have said the wrong thing, we will try to make up for it. We know that we aren’t perfect and we don’t expect it of others.  Anxious people are good friends. We aren’t ever going to be the life and soul of the party. We are slow to trust and slow to bond with people but, once we do, you have a friend who will always be there for you. Sometimes, anxiety may hold us back but, if we let you in our bubble.. you know us well enough to understand. A little gentle coaxing might even encourage us to do that thing, if you are standing right there with us.  Anxious people do well in charge. Well, it might be stressful for us but, we will make sure everyone has the best possible outcome in all situations. We won’t see ourselves as better than you or pull rank. In fact, we take any task given to us seriously whatever our role and we will do it to the best of our ability.  Anxious people are safe. We tend to drive carefully. We tend to follow the rules. We don’t cut corners and put people in danger and we watch out for people around us. Anxious people always calculate the risks and generally have problems solved before they start. You need a plaster? Ask an anxious person.  Anxious people really appreciate the good times. Sometimes, the good times happen because we were prepared for the bad ones. We are the ones who prepared for rain and stand happily under the umbrella. When something won’t switch on, we feel huge amounts of relief when the new battery works. When the stain comes out, we love it. When our day goes well, we go to bed with a smile, We really really feel every positive outcome because, we expected the worst every, single, time.  So often I used to think to myself that I should fix myself or medicate these feelings away. Instead I find it important to be gentle with myself and love the things about myself I would not change. I may not have caused this anxiety in myself or even deserved it but, I can and will make the best of it.  Please feel free to add any anxiety positives about yourself or a loved one. I would love to hear them  <3  

[the-darkness-does-not-bargain]

The Fire After the War, Chapter 7

Here it is, after such a wait.  Now it's Utena's turn.

AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/4670804/chapters/25987323

Chapter 7: 101 Dalmatians

A week passed from Thanksgiving, and December rode in on its usual bitter breeze.  Utena lifted her gloved hands to her mouth and blew on them as she struggled against a strong headwind on the way back to the apartment.  It wasn't a long walk, but the wind and the cold made it seem eternal, not to mention the deep growls her stomach was making.  The firefighter found herself inadvertently mulling over what had transpired at her parents' house the other day.  It wasn't a happy train of thought, but it had been nagging at her since the drive back, demanding her attention.

Everything had seemed to go well at the time.  Anthy was winning over everyone in Utena's family and absolutely cunt-punting anyone that tried to act out of line.  Watching it had made Utena very proud and viciously pleased.  Dinner went very well, and even the awkward questions about Akio didn't seem to shake Anthy.  Getting chewed out by her mother afterward hadn't been fun, but Utena's reasoning was sound and nothing would convince her otherwise.  She had hoped to steer away any conversation that veered too close to the subject, but when Uncle Petyr started asking about Ohtori directly, she couldn't find a way to subtly change the subject.  Thus, she was left having to watch Anthy smoothly handle everything, all while feeling a knot of dread in her stomach as things moved further and further out of her control.  She'd felt guilty at the time, despite Anthy's insistence that it hadn't been an issue.  Now, in retrospect, she wondered just how sincere Anthy had been in her reassurances.

The outburst---Utena didn't like that word; it felt wrong for the situation---was, of course, completely unexpected.  The accusations---that wasn't the right word either---the admission of jealousy, and then the personal feelings that Anthy had revealed with such difficulty; they haunted Utena's mind as she turned onto the next block.

Danny made Anthy jealous, Danny of all people.  Anthy was jealous because she was afraid.  Utena was sure of that, whether it was really because of Danny or not.  Anthy was afraid, and she was reacting badly to it.  Utena counted a hundred possible reasons why, and too many fit with what Anthy revealed about herself and her past.  Anthy was scared of losing her to someone else.  A ridiculous fear, but Utena supposed she could understand where it came from.  Anthy had said that nothing belonged to her before Utena, and the other woman believed it.

She felt an annoying stinging in her eyes when she thought of the former Rose Bride and her deprived life, existing with nothing to her name, not even enough to hold her to the physical world in some instances.  Like a ghost.  Transient, Utena thought proudly when she remembered the word.  It had been on an old word-of-the-day calendar she'd had years ago.

No longer the Rose Bride, she pondered sadly.  That should mean something beyond existing as more than a phantom.  Anthy needed something more, something else to tie her to her life.  Yet, at the same time, Anthy's freedom was very new after god knows how many years of imprisonment.  She was clearly still adjusting to her new situation, with more success in certain areas than others.  Utena was hesitant to make real suggestions.  Yes, she encouraged Anthy to go outside, explore, and grow the scope of her world, but she was scared to propose any specific course of action.  Who could say what might tear up an old wound, turn a hairline fracture into a shattered bone, or infect a healing burn?  One wrong step could send Anthy falling, maybe beyond the point that she could ever recover again.  Utena shuddered at the thought.  Still, they wouldn't make any progress at all if they just sat around, too afraid to try anything.  "What a conundrum," she murmured, remembering another word from that calendar.

Her worried musings carried her the rest of the way back to her apartment.  She breathed a sigh of relief when she entered the warm lobby, crossing to the rickety old elevator and pressing the button for her floor.  Creaking and shuddering, it carried her upwards as she tried to cheer up, at least on the surface.

She walked in to the apartment to find Anthy mulling over newspapers at the kitchen table.  She had a pen out and was circling certain parts.  Utena realized that it was the ad section.

"Are you looking at jobs?" She asked as she pulled out the open chair and sat down.  She had to lift up her arm to let Chu Chu through with a pen of his own.

"Yes…" Anthy said slowly as she scanned a column.  "I heard that they offer jobs in newspapers these days, so I thought I might look at them."  She glanced up briefly and then went back to scanning.  "I thought I might take you up on your challenge."

"Did I issue a challenge?"  Utena didn't remember anything like that.  Was she talking about that night?

"Yes," Anthy confirmed.  She sat back.  "You said I should try to get out more.  I thought I just might."

Hmm.  Utena picked up a paper.  "Well, what have you been looking at?"  She asked cautiously.

"There are so many," Anthy said, sounding genuinely surprised.  There was wonder in her voice.  Utena couldn't say she had heard that before.  How would she react if she knew how many jobs were posted online?  "But I was thinking about putting in an application to that flower shop down the street.  It says here that they're looking for help."  She pointed to the passage in question.  The ink circle around that was especially thick.  "I was also considering this grocery store.  They say they offer $7.25 an hour.  Sounded promising…"

Utena's brow furrowed, and rightly so, but Anthy continued on without noticing.  It wasn't until Utena gently took the newspaper from her and commandeered Chu Chu's pen that her girlfriend quieted.  Utena used the pen and put an X over the grocery store ad as well as any other ads that advertised $7.25 an hour.

"What are you doing?" Anthy asked, and she sounded mildly affronted.  Utena looked up at her.  She didn't want to burst her bubble, especially when the older woman sounded so active and even excited, but she had to make her aware of this if nothing else.

"Babe, do you know what minimum wage is?"

"Minimum wage?"  Utena's prediction was correct.  Anthy looked confused.�� She was innocent in this, still unaware of many inner workings of the mundane, even after nine years.

Utena sighed.  "Minimum wage is the lowest legal wage an employer can offer an employee.  It's the lowest of the low in this country.  It's almost not enough to live on."

"So what… are you saying?" Anthy asked.

"I'm saying that you shouldn't waste your time with jobs like that when there are better options."  Utena paused.  "You could also wait.  There's no need to jump in so quickly.  We're not rich but we won't be out on the street any time soon."

"What are you saying?"  That again.  How to answer…

"Just that, you don't need to worry about things here, if you are.  You can just relax if you want.  Take it slow, you know?"

"Are you saying I shouldn't look for a job?"  Uh oh, it was a trap.  Utena had never been very good at avoiding those.  Let's see if she could get out of this one.  The firefighter turned back to her, frowning.  Anthy was watching her carefully, showing nothing, but no doubt cataloguing every word and reaction.  Once upon a time, Utena wouldn't have noticed cues like that, but she wasn't an oblivious teenager anymore.

"No," she said firmly.  "I'm saying that you should be careful not to do too much too soon.  You're strong, Anthy, but everyone has their limits.  They can be difficult to change.  I don't want to see you crash and burn."

"Crash and burn?"

"It's an expression.  Look, jobs are good, but they're tough.  Jobs like these, where you have to deal with and talk to people every day, they can be difficult.  You admitted yourself that you have a problem with crowds.  Jobs like these are crowds all the time.  If you're still having problems with that, jumping into a job like this honestly isn't going to help you.  It might actually make it worse."  Utena ran a hand through her hair.  "It's good to do things slowly every once and a while.  And don't say 'I told you so', because I already know."

"Baby steps.  Isn't that what you said?"  Anthy was still watching her, waiting to see if she would say something stupid and ruin this or maybe make it through cleanly after all.

"That's right," Utena said, standing resolved.  Her expression softened.  "I want you to be able to do everything you've ever wanted.  I'll do what's in my power to get you there.  But there is something to be said for caution, acting responsibly."  She smiled shyly.  "I know that's a strange thing to hear from me.  I know you want to tell me to take my own advice; I can see it in your eyes.  I think that this must be in some part because of what happened last week, and I just want you to take things at a good pace."

Anthy sat back, and she seemed to be mulling over something.  She glanced down at the table and then to the pen still resting in her hand.  Utena waited, feeling a little strange just standing there.  It seemed like several minutes had passed before Anthy finally looked up at her; it couldn't have been, surely, but it felt that way.

"So what would you suggest?" Anthy asked slowly.

Utena let out a breath through her nose, thinking quickly and carefully.  When the idea came to her, she snapped her fingers.  "I might know a good place for you to apply," she said.  "I gotta take a walk.  I'll be back in a bit."

"Should I order something for us?" Anthy asked as she watched her girlfriend grab her coat.

"Yeah, that'd be great," Utena said as she tied her shoes.  "I shouldn't be gone too long.  30 minutes tops.  You should give some thought to your resume while I'm out." 

She was halfway out the door when she heard Anthy mutter, "Resume?"

Oh boy.

  Four days later, Anthy was standing in front the Fair Friends Animal Clinic.  She was dressed in a pretty pink suit and jacket that Utena had never seen before.  Her hair was up in a ponytail; at least as much as a single hair tie could bind such a powerful mane.  She was wearing the cute little beret she had worn on the day they had first found each other again.  She wore white shoes that, amazingly, miraculously, managed not to get dirty at all on the walk down here.  Probably magic, Utena thought.  She looked up to watch Anthy's face.  She might not even know she's doing it.

Anthy's expression was one of unadulterated apprehension, bordering on fear.  Her posture was tense and she was standing very still.  She was clutching a manila folder to her chest.  It held her resume, a hastily constructed thing that they had spent a full evening poring over.  The paper didn't look too bad, all things considered, but Utena was concerned about the amount of information Anthy seemed to make up out of the blue.  She was also worried that the paper would horribly deform if her girlfriend held it to her body any tighter.

"Anthy," Utena said gently, putting a hand on her shoulder.  "What is it?"

Anthy looked down at the street, and her hands were shaking.  "You were right," she murmured, almost too softly for Utena to catch.  "I'm not ready for this yet."  Anthy's self-defeating habit was becoming increasingly noticeable.

Utena stepped in front of her and lifted up Anthy's chin.  Utena smiled reassuringly.  "Crowds are no good, I know.  They might not be for some time yet.  But fortunately, this job doesn't handle crowds.  Of people anyway."  She mimicked exaggerated breathing motions.  "Take a deep breath.  You're going to be great.  Look," she said, pointing to the window of the clinic and into the clinic itself.  "There's a grand total of six people in that waiting room, and that's it.  And look at those dogs."  Utena wrapped an arm around Anthy's shoulders and smiled brightly.  "Look at that big blonde one.  Isn't she beautiful?  Or, ooo, look at that little guy in the cage.  He must be riled up about something cuz he's barking like crazy.  Heh, I feel kind of embarrassed for his owner.  And there's---" She was cut off when she heard a soft, shaky laugh.

Anthy was laughing, leaning against Utena.  The sound was a little breathless and it stuttered, matching the shaking in the older woman's shoulders.  Utena waited, lowering her hand.

The woman next to her carefully dabbed tears out of the corner of her eyes and looked up with a smile.  "Thank you," she said turning to embrace Utena fully.  The firefighter returned it, still trying not to squish the documents in between them.

"You're going to do great, babe," Utena repeated encouragingly.  "Just wow them like you do everyone else.  It's natural for you."

"Thank you, darling."  Visibly gathering herself, Anthy smiled at her girlfriend before turning back to the door of the clinic.  "I guess I'll be done in half an hour.  That's how long these take, right?"

"On average, yeah.  I'll get us something to eat while you're in there.  Gilardi's okay?"

"Yes, that will be fine."

"Okay, I'll see you in a little bit."  One last grin, tinged with nerves, and then Anthy practically marched up to the glass door and went inside.  Utena stayed standing on the sidewalk for another second or two, and then she began her walk down to the restaurant.

The delicious smell of sandwiches, a little bickering with George, and enjoying the heat of the room left her feeling more cheerful.  She waited to order the food until it was closer to time and when it came out she grabbed the bag and strolled out of the shop.  Arriving at the clinic again, she leaned against a parking meter and checked her watch as she thought over what was going on.

She chose the clinic because it was the least of many evils.  Anthy didn't like people, but she loved animals.  She knew how to take care of animals, and Utena had never seen her happier at Ohtori than when she was with her unusual pets.  Come to think of it, all she ever had were unusual pets.  Weird even.  Fitting, she thought, and smiled.  Weird pets for a weird girl.

Who could say if this kind of job would suit Anthy in the slightest?  The Rose Bride would have put up with anything, did put up with anything, but what could Anthy handle?  Utena sighed, checking her watch a second time.  She supposed they would just have to wait and see.

  Anthy emerged from the clinic fifteen minutes later, and Utena pushed off the parking meter where she had been waiting.  She watched her girlfriend's face carefully as she approached her.  Anthy noticed, and to Utena's surprise, she started to laugh.  The dark woman's free hand hovered over her mouth as she laughed openly.  Utena was relieved, and she smiled as she wrapped her arms around Anthy.

"What're you giggling about, missy?" She said, in a funny accent that made Anthy laugh harder into her shoulder.  People looked their way oddly, but Utena ignored them.  Anthy pulled back and kissed her on the cheek.

"Your face," she chuckled.  "Were you worried for me, Utena?"

The firefighter shrugged.  "Not too much.  Just wanted to know you were okay."  She kissed Anthy's temple, eliciting a peaceful sigh from the witch.

"Thank you for your concern, my love.  But you were right.  It went swimmingly.  I feel… good."

"Glad to hear it.  Hopefully, you'll hear back from them soon.  Meantime, you still hungry?"

  Anthy got the job.  It didn't surprise Utena in the slightest, of course, but she was surprised at just how quick the call back was.  She supposed Anthy, in her special way, made a better impression than most.

She started the following Monday, walking with a barely perceptible bounce in her step that made Utena smile.  Anthy was excited, nervous yet happy, and seeing it was so new and wonderful that Utena couldn't help but bounce too.  Her worries had been replaced with cautious optimism, knowing that Anthy would thrive in an environment with more animals than people.  Anthy still wasn't quite comfortable walking outside alone, so Utena accompanied her on her own way to work.  When they arrived at the clinic, Anthy turned around to face Utena and took a careful breath.

Utena smiled encouragingly and rubbed her shoulders.  "Are you ready?" She asked.

Anthy exhaled and nodded.  "Yes."

"Good," Utena said, withdrawing her hands and putting them in her pockets.  "If you get some time during your lunch break or something, throw a phone call my way.  Let me know how the day is going."

"Of course, darling," Anthy said.  After pecking Utena once on the cheek, she turned and walked into the clinic.  Utena stood silently for a moment, staring at the door as it slowly closed, before she too turned to continue her way to the firehouse a few blocks down the street.

She pushed through the front door and immediately went over to the dispatch desk, where an older woman sat typing briskly on a keyboard.  Her hair was dyed bright orange to hide the gray underneath and she wore exquisite make-up to cover up the little wrinkles that lined her face.

"Morning, Mary Ellen," Utena greeted, leaning against the wall next to the desk.

"Oh, good morning, baby girl!" Mary Ellen responded enthusiastically.  Her voice was as rough as the gravel the team tracked in every time they came back from a call.  Whenever someone pointed out the irony of her career choice, Mary Ellen would always say "Smoking is like a first husband: complete trash but hard to throw out."  Utena thought it made her uniquely qualified for her position as the best damn dispatcher in the county.  "Didya have a good Thanksgiving, sweetie?"

Utena shrugged.  "As good as ever.  What about you?  Were you able to see your grandkids?"

"Oh now that's a story!" Mary Ellen said with a laugh.  "But you've got no time for that now.  Come visit me during lunch.  I'll talk your ear off!"

Utena snickered as she was waved off.  She walked out of the dispatch office and down the main hallway of the station to where the common area was.  She could already see some of her team sitting in the set of couches and armchairs, watching footage from yesterday's rounds on a big flat screen.  They looked around when she made noise by pulling out a chair from the lunch table to watch.

"Hey, girl," greeted Henry as he reached one burly arm back to high five her.  Next to him was David, who turned around to fist-bump her in way of greeting.  In the armchair to the right of the screen sat Antonia, the only other female fighter at their station.  Antonia was much like Utena herself, a tall and muscular woman with flowing black hair and golden dark skin denoting her strong Italian heritage.

"You're rolling in a little late this morning, ain't ya?" Antonia commented.

Utena shrugged.  "Had to see my girlfriend off to her new job.  She's still getting used to the city."  That was putting it mildly.  Utena turned to face the last member of the team present in the room.  "Morning, Ricardo," she said, watching the man in the other armchair.

"Morning," he said without looking away from the television screen.  No one could kick him for his tone choice, but it was obvious to anyone with ears that he was trying to ignore her.  David certainly noticed, and he reached back to give Utena a sympathetic thunk on the back.

Utena sighed softly, trying not to let frustration poison her mood.  Ricardo was her ex.  Okay, well, not her "ex" exactly.  They were never even close to being an item, whatever he may have thought.  He was the first part of the double fling Utena had had last summer.  They had shared a single night together, both of them drunk and making poor decisions in a dive bar.  She regretted it dearly, especially when he seemed to take it as cue to ask her out.  She didn't remember much of that night, but she thought she had told him nothing else could happen.  In any case, it was far from her finest moment, and Utena worried over how long the ice between them would last.  Nothing would change today, though, so she tried to put it aside.

The morning progressed sluggishly, with no calls coming in.  Utena had backed out of playing cards with David, instead sitting alone in one of the armchairs, nursing a cup of coffee.  She didn't much care for coffee, but had learned to put up with it when she found she couldn’t stomach tea after waking up in the hospital.  It took several years for her to overcome that strange aversion, and by then she'd been drinking coffee too long to pull away from it.  Tea was still unbearable in summer, which didn't help anything.

She let out a slow, quiet breath.  Summer.  She hated it, and that never failed to make her sad.  She didn't remember much of her birth parents anymore, nothing more than half-imagined flashes and approximations, but she remembered that she used to love summer.  The sun, the heat, vacations, and all that.  But ever since Ohtori, summer was something to be dreaded, a weighty and lingering curse, unavoidable and unforgiving.  Utena never felt more alone nor more hopeless than when she could feel the heat in the air and look up into a bright blue sky.

She'd heard of seasonal depression, sure, everyone had, but all of those stories were about winter; scientists talking about vitamin deficiencies and the psychological impact of colder temperatures and less daylight.  Can't relate, she thought with bitter humor.  Since Ohtori, she preferred the cold.  Since Ohtori, she preferred the dark.

The first episode hit hard and fast with the end of May nine years ago.  She had been sent to her first foster home, and though most of her memories were hazy she clearly recalled the desolation she felt in every sultry afternoon, the sharp-edged emptiness that she could not explain to anyone, least of all herself.  When her mood had begun to improve with the first morning frost, she had rejoiced, thinking the trouble over, only for the next May to drag her back down mercilessly.  Each subsequent summer was worse than the last without fail, as her memories returned and the feeling of her loss intensified.  Things came to a head this past summer before she ran into Ricardo by chance while getting smashed.  Maybe the alcohol was ultimately to blame, but as they drank and talked and fucked, he made her forget her jagged past, her shattered heart, and the rope she had bought from the hardware store just hours earlier.  Utena had never told Ricardo exactly what he did for her that night.  She wasn't certain how he would respond to such a confession, so she kept it to herself.

Her coffee was getting cold.  She grimaced and got up to toss it out.  She made a mental note to ask Mary Ellen to buy some tea.  She noticed it was lunchtime when she checked her watch, and went to grab the food she had packed.  Her phone rang just as she was sitting down at the table.  "Hey, babe," she greeted Anthy as her free hand unwrapped her meal.

"Hello, darling."  Anthy's lovely voice brought speedy relief to Utena, as it always did.  "How are things at the station?"

"Eh, boring, no action yet today.  But what about you?  Save any fluffy lives yet?" She joked.

Over the line, Anthy giggled.  "Nothing so dramatic, just simple appointments."

"Dogs?  Cats?  Unicorns?"  Utena smiled widely as Anthy laughed again.

"If someone brings in a unicorn, you'll be the first to know.  Two cats and three dogs.  Someone had a beautiful python, but I wasn't able to help with that one."

"Figures you'd be more interested in the unusual pet," Utena teased.

"Oh the dogs and cats were lovely too," Anthy said.  "But it's been a busy morning.  Did you remember to eat?"

"Eating right now, babe.  You?"

"Yes.  I only have an hour to eat.  Is that common in this world?"

"Kind of, yeah.  Most places give you 45 minutes to an hour."

"How quaintly arbitrary," Anthy commented.

Utena chuckled.  "Probably don't let your boss hear you say that, just to be safe.  Speaking of, how are your coworkers?  Things going well?"

"As far as introductions go, yes.  They seem… amiable."  There was a pause, and Utena could picture Anthy sitting at a table with her phone and her salad and that trademark pensive expression on her face.

"Well, that's good to hear.  Do you have to get back to work soon?" She asked after peeking at her watch.

"In a moment," Anthy said.  "What shall we do tonight, my love?"

Utena hummed thoughtfully.  "You ever seen 101 Dalmatians?"

"That's an oddly specific number of Dalmatians to see tog---"

"No, no, babe! The movie, 101 Dalmatians," Utena clarified with a laugh.

"Oh.  Then no, darling, I haven't."

"That's our plan for the evening," Utena said, grinning.

"Very well, Utena.  I… look forward to it.  But I should get back to my duties.  Be safe, my love."

"You too, Anthy.  Watch out for Jack Russell Terriers.  I hear they like to bite.  Love you."

"I love you too.  See you soon!"

"Bye," Utena said before she hung up.  One conversation with Anthy, and just like that her day was good again.  She hoped that never changed.  Anthy's voice was like a brisk hand batting away the sadness and frustrations bothering Utena like insects, letting her finish her food in peace.  There still hadn't been any calls for their team, so Utena took a little extra time before she went to work on the trucks.

The thought of summer still lingered.  Utena wondered what might happen next summer, now that Anthy was here at her side.  It was her grief that dragged her down so deep into the abyss, her pain over losing Anthy and her self-loathing over her many failures.  The guilt, not unlike a million swords, was pervasive and ever-present.  But Anthy was here now.  Anthy was here, safe, free, and she didn't blame Utena for what had happened.  Amazing, really, that Anthy could be so forgiving, dismissive even, of her mistakes.  Utena did not agree, but it was hard to be angry about the warmth and peace forgiveness brought.

Summer was a long ways off, but for the first time in a decade, Utena felt herself looking forward to it.  Tentatively, with extreme caution, but with surging hope as well.  If she had Anthy, she could survive it.  If she had Anthy, she could survive anything.  She was sure of that.

Suddenly the bells in the station were ringing, and she jumped to her feet.  She strode to the suit-up station and threw on her gear before running out to the trucks.  Mary Ellen told them the address over the radio as they peeled out from the garage.  Utena settled into her working groove, becoming alert and focused, but not before she had a cheerful thought about 101 Dalmatians.

[incandescent-creativity]

Why You Should Motivate Your Characters

When I was working on my first draft, I simply didn’t think about character motivation very much. It sounds weird, but in my defense: I didn’t know what I was doing, I had a ton of characters to juggle, and I was thinking more about character development than character motivation. 

But figuring out what pushes your character, what drives them to keep going, is actually very helpful! Let me elaborate.

It will add nuance to your character. Once I realized that one of my characters only wanted to return to the manipulating home environment she had ever known, it allowed me to write in a lot of snarky comments and inner dialogue along those lines. 

It will keep your plot moving. We all know those dreaded moments where you’re staring at your words and you realize… I don’t know where to go from here. It’s an awful feeling, and one that I have been facing recently until I took a step back and considered, What consistently motivates that character? Once I had answered that, I could come up with scenarios that would challenge that goal or lead her closer to it.

Your character’s motivation can change. This will contribute to your character’s arc. In one of my stories, the main character’s motivation is to Not Die. This is a very good motivation that a lot of novel characters end up having, but after the 50K word mark, she ends up wanting to Rule Well. It signals a shift in her character and mannerisms, which is interesting and fun to write.

If your character accomplishes their motivation, they will find themselves at a loss for what to do. What your characters do when they have no direction should be very indicative of who they are as people. These kind of transitionary times in your plot are a good opportunity to develop your characters and put them in situations that they wouldn’t normally be in, too, so that’s good as well.

If two of your characters have conflicting motivations, that can be a lot of fun to write, too. This is Conflict Writing 101, but it’s a good thing to consider. Which two of your characters’s motivations conflict the most? It might help you write your action scenes, too. You might even write some characters’s motivations to conflict more. Just for kicks n giggles.

Long story short, slowing down to make sure your characters are written really solidly can help a lot when writing, so I hope this helped!

If there’s a writing thing you want to see me post about or you just wanna say hi, go ahead!

[teenmomtruths]

Opinions On Recent News (SUBMISSION)

First off, of course it’s great that Kail graduated. Good on her. I think what people take issue with is the fact that she’s likely graduating with no debt. People who truly go it alone graduate with over a hundred grand in student loans that they pay on for years. She is indeed very ’#blessed’ on that account. She had a great home to bring her Isaac to when he was born, Jo’s parents, whom she’s never shown enough gratitude imo. She actually said that they interfered with her and Jo and implied maybe if they’d stayed out of it she and Jo would’ve worked. A, it’s their house. No one wants to hear all that fighting all the time. B, I thought Janet took her side way more than Jo’s. She had no issue letting him know he was being an ass, he was wrong for going out, and that he was treating Kail differently than when they first got together (pointing out that he always wanted her around and now he was acting like he never did). It takes most people years to working up to a home like the one she brought Lincoln home to. Yes she worked by filming for MTV, but she doesn’t understand that her salary and the rapid pace with which it increased is not the norm.

Nikkole: I think her faking a stillbirth was awful. But I think her post was valid. It’s exactly how I feel. The difference is, I haven’t had any children exactly for the reasons she listed. I don’t feel I can give them the life they deserve. Yet I ended up with shared custody of my husband’s two nieces and nephew and ended up in that position anyway. I would love to take them to Disneyworld, buy them a trampoline, a pool, all the adorable boots etc I see in store, do their room up like Kail does her boys’ rooms. Instead it’s all I can do to feed them and take them to the beach for a weekend, two hours away. I’d love to buy new clothes but they love the Justice and Ninja Turtle shirts I find at Goodwill or Once Upon a Child. Facebook groups like Moms’ Resale has been a lifesaver and they have a blast trying on the trash bag of clothes I got for $20. And they still come running every time we go to pick them up, bowling me over for hugs and kisses. They don’t yet know that no one has any money to send them to college. My husband and I and their other aunt will do all we can to help with books etc when the time comes, but tuition will be loans. I just pray they have the strength and endurance to work hard for it. I doubt we’ll ever get to take them to Disney and it breaks my heart. Instead of character bedspreads and curtains, they have solid color bedding, with pictures I drew and framed ($1 frames from Dollar Tree), and pictures of themselves on their walls and they love that I drew them myself. I love them for that. I love that they decided, when reading Berenstein Bear books at night, they decided it made more sense to replace ‘Papa and Mama Bear’ with 'Auntie and Uncle ___’. I dread the teen years, when they find out exactly what all went on with their 'parents’ and pray that our devotion to them takes the sting out some.

Amber and Farrah: Seems to me like Amber was simply trying to make Farrah shut up. She accuses Amber of being a criminal and throws all kinds of things in her face all the time. Looks like it worked for now too. She’s not talking about Farrah doing coke on 16&Pregnant, she’s talking about NOW. If Farrah is doing coke and prostituting, she has no business calling anyone else a criminal. Clean your own house first. I took the whole scene with Sophia much differently, it seems, than others. I didn’t think Farrah overdid it this time. If my child was doing that, going back and forth across the backseat, I’d be livid and let her know too. Sophia has locked Farrah out, locked herself in the car, told her she was the devil and to shut up (which was hilarious, but still lol). That kid is out of control and now she’s treating Deb terribly, of course because of Farrah. I hope she grows up to be a happy, successful person, but my feeling now is that Farrah has no idea what’s coming when Sophia hits 13.

Maci: It’s not okay to use Jen and Larry to sit for Jayde and Maverick and have zero fucks to give about them taking Bentley for Thanksgiving. He hasn’t been in years, he went to Texas last year, forget Ryan and do it for Jen and Larry, who have done nothing but love and support her. Of course Bentley is going to tell her one thing and Ryan and McKenzie another. Reason #101 why you don’t put kids in that spot. She even asked Bentley who all he wanted to invite for his birthday when he was turning two! One thing Ryan has said that I agree with is that since Bentley was a baby Maci has asked his opinion on Everything. News flash: most things people do in life are things they’d rather not. I.E. working. Who tf Wants to work 40+ hours a week? When I’m doing dishes and laundry or visiting my husband’s relatives, I’d rather be in bed with a good book. You do things because that’s life. She’s punishing Jen and Larry for Ryan. After all they’ve done for her, she’s wrong for that, esp since she didn’t particularly care if Bentley went, she was just going on the whim of an 8-year-old, and kids change their minds entirely too much to try and make every wish happen.

Ashley: Delusional. Worried your infant hasn’t spoken yet? Just so beyond ridiculous. All babies babble. Why she thought she actually heard clear words out of it, I have no idea. Rest easy Ash, he’s not supposed to be talking yet.

OMFG are Watson and Ensley not the cutest babies!!? Ensley is just gorgeous with those long lashes and Watson is so happy I want to be him :) Love love love the way Chelsea dresses him etc.

Oh and to the anon who said wasn’t Nathan 'just’ drinking: He’s also on steroids, which on top of the PTSD and brain damage,drinking is SO bad. It’s not like he just has a beer or two. He drinks entire bottles of liquor and turns mean as hell and it’s not okay. It’s not better than weed or anything else. Alcohol can be one of the most damaging substances to be addicted to so don’t trivialize it. I hope Taylor and Maci aren’t headed down that path. Maci said 85% of the time their marriage was great. The rest Taylor gets way too drunk and turns mean. When alcohol is changing a person like that, it’s a very bad sign. Not to mention they’re driving around with three kids now. People are killed by drunk drivers every day.

Is it just me, or does Tyler seem so over Cate? He acts like he’s just annoyed with her very presence most of the time. I have no doubt he loves her; it just seems more like a comfortable, 'I’ve known this person forever and been through so much with them’ love. Their lives are so intertwined having the same family and all. And no doubt he knows the reason why he was ever so liked was because he was the dream so many young girls wished for: the first love to stay and love them forever. They’re a duo and packaged as such. I think he feels stuck and, judging by the baby talk and lack of motivation, he’s going to stay that way and never truly be happy. Unless they can find that love again, which I really hope, for Nova’s sake. But he’s not helping Cate by pointing fingers when he’s literally got all the same issues as she does, except for the weight thing. They both are far too young to be spending all day with nowhere to be, no purpose beyond parenting. I think they thought having a child was the be all to end all in life and would provide the fulfillment they’re seeking and they’re finding out now that it’s not like that.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Hi, I'm a big fan of your writing! You were one of the first people I ever followed on tumblr! If you are still taking prompts I would love any fake dating Larry possibly with some bed sharing? Thank you

Oh my gosh you are just too sweet! I’m also sorry you’ve been following me so long because I am lowkey 100% a weirdo and this blog is 100% a mess sometimes! But please enjoy this fake dating drabble! It got hella long, but I wanted to be sure to include your bed sharing request :) 

“You’re bringing your boy home for Christmas hols, right, H?” 

Harry’s eyes snap away from the pasta he’s making and back towards the laptop he left abandoned on the counter-top. His mother and sister’s faces are still up on the Skype screen, looking at him expectantly. He’s pretty sure his mouth is hanging open lamely, and he has to forcefully will himself not to bring his hand up into view and fidget because it’s a tell both will zero in on in a second. Instead, he turns back to the stove, using the reprieve of having his back turned to try and stutter his lungs back into working. His brain is even slower with kicking back into gear. 

“Um...” 

“Oh please say yes!” Anne chimes in. “I want to meet this Louis!” 

“I’ll um ask him I guess?” 

“You two haven’t talked about what you’re doing from Christmas?” Gemma asks. 

“No...?” Harry turns back around, takes in both their suspicious expression through the pixelated screen, and is quick to add on, “but I’m sure it’ll be no problem. We’ll both probably be there.” 

“Oh wonderful!” Anne claps her hands, a wide smile pulled across her face now. “I can’t wait.” 

“Yeah, me either,” Harry mutters. “Anyways. I have to go. See you both soon! Bye!” 

Harry barely lets his family get out their own goodbyes before he’s closing his laptop screen and letting his head fall against the counter-top. The cool granite feels nice against his skin, but it does little to soothe the dreadful panic stirring in his stomach. He’s screwed. 

~ * * * ~

Harry stands outside the coffeeshop, his hands stuffed in his pocket and his mind running in circles. He can see Louis behind the counter through the window. His eyes are bright and his smile is wide as he chats to a woman while preparing a drink. The yellow lighting of the coffeeshop paints his skin more golden than usual and leaves strands of his hair glowing. Harry can’t help the sigh that pulls its way past his lips, and he contemplates just smashing his head against the window. 

Instead, he pulls the door open and puts on his best smile. It becomes a bit more genuine when Louis offers a smile right back. 

“Hey, Harry. The usual?” Louis greets.

“Yeah...” Harry says, sidling up to the counter and pulling out his wallet. 

Louis sets about making his drink, and Harry fiddles a bit with the packaged sandwiches in the cooler in front of him. He has to clear his throat a few times before he finally finds his voice again. 

“So um have any plans for Christmas?” 

“Not really. I spending Christmas alone unfortunately because my family is going on a cruise without me.” 

“Oh...” 

“You know I always thought those online contests were a scam. Thought they just wanted you to enter your email so they could add you to a bunch of email lists and send you a bunch of spam, but my mum actually won! Can you believe that? And now she’s taking my whole family on a cruise except me because I couldn’t get the time off.” 

Louis shakes his head, but there’s still the soft edges of a smile there. He hands Harry his drink. Harry takes it with a grateful smile, but he stays rooted to the spot, picking at the protective sleeve nervously. 

“Would you um maybe want to uh maybe you know uh cometomyhouseforChristmas?” 

“Sorry?” 

“It’s just...” Harry sighs. “You’re going to think it’s stupid.” 

“Harry,” Louis says, his tone gentle and encouraging, and somehow it causes the words to coming pouring out. 

“It’s just that ever since I moved to London, my mum and sister kept giving me flack about going out and meeting people and finding a nice boy and I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I told them I was seeing someone, just to get them off my back, but then they asked for a name... and well, I had just come back from here, so I had my tea in my hand and I looked down at the cup and...” 

“And my name was the first name that popped into your head.” 

“And your name was the first name that popped into my head.” 

A silence falls between them, and Harry lets his eyes drop to the floor, not wanting to see what expression might be painted across Louis’ face. He curls his toes in his shoes and holds his breath for the subsequent laugh or scoff he is sure to come. 

“Well I guess I should be flattered.” 

“I told you it was stupid. Just forget I said anything.” 

“But I’m going.” 

“What?!” Harry’s eyes snap back up to Louis’ face. “Louis, no. I’ll just tell them we broke up or something.” 

“You can’t do that! They’ll hate me. I’ll be that bloke that broke up with you right before Christmas.” 

“Louis.”

“I’m going, Harry. I’m an accomplice to this crime now.” 

Harry sighs, but it’s fond and he can feel a smile tugging it’s way across his face of its own accord. 

“But you’re driving. I hate driving long distances,” Louis adds with a teasing smile. 

And that’s how Harry finds himself in his car, Louis sitting in the passenger seat with his feet propped up on the dash, heading north. 

“So what’s your favorite color?” Louis asks. 

“What?” 

“Well if we’re going to pass off this whole fake dating thing, I’m going to need to know more about you than just your tea order.” 

Harry thinks about the piercing blue of Louis’ eyes, the way they seem to change shades with his different moods and the gold flecks that hide in those seas, and has to readjust his grip on the steering wheel. 

“Blue,” he mutters after a moment. 

“Really? Mine too.” 

By the time, they make it to Harry’s family home, it’s late, and Harry is grateful to learn that Gemma has already gone to bed. His mother is still awake though, and she greets them both at the door with a tired smile and warm hugs. 

“Oh, Louis it’s so nice to finally meet you.” 

“You too, Anne,” Louis says, pulling away from her embrace. “I’ve heard so much about you.” 

Anne smiles again at the comment, but then she’s herding them towards the stairs. 

“Now I’m sure you both must be exhausted. Off to bed. You’ll be staying in Harry’s old room.” 

Harry’s steps stutter to a stop at that. He turns to look back at his mother, trying to keep his voice teasing and devoid of the actual panic clawing inside his chest. 

“You’re not going to make Louis stay in the guest room, mum?” 

“Oh don’t be silly, H. It’s not the 1900′s. Besides, I’m sure Louis stays over at your flat all the time anyways.” 

“Great,” Harry mutters under his breath, turning back and leading the way up the stairs. He hears Louis snicker from where he’s following behind, and if his mum wasn’t still watching the two of them, he’d reach back and whack him for it. 

Once upstairs, Harry shows Louis to his bedroom so they can drop their bags before pointing out the bathroom so Louis can brush his teeth. Harry is digging through his own bag when he hears the snick of the door closing. 

“Let me wear one of your shirts to bed,” Louis says. 

“What?” 

“When your mum comes to wake us in the morning, it’ll really sell it if I’m wearing your shirt.” 

Harry looks up from his bag then, turning a baffled look on Louis, but the barista just crosses his arms and cocks his head. 

“Have you ever been in a relationship, Harry? This is like dating 101.” 

“Ha ha,” Harry says indignantly, reaching into his bag and grabbing a simple tee. He throws it directly into Louis’ face, who splutters in annoyance, before returning to trying to find his toiletries at the bottom of his bag. He hears the shuffle of clothes, but Harry pointedly keeps his eyes down.   

“Wow. This is so soft. What detergent do you use?” 

Even though Harry knows what to expect when he turns back around, the sight still causes him to almost choke on his tongue. Harry’s always liked his shirts a size larger, and with Louis tugging on the hem, the neck line gapes and exposes the sharp lines of Louis’ collarbones. The way the shadows of the low lit room lick at the skin doesn’t help, and Harry’s tempted to let his own tongue follow the lead. 

“How attached are you to this shirt? Will you be mad if I don’t give it back?” 

Harry has to clear his throat, tightening his grip on the bag with his toothbrush and face wash in it. 

“It looks better on you anyways,” he mutters as he leaves the room. 

When Harry returns from the bathroom, Louis is already curled up in bed, only a mess of hair peeking out from under the duvet. Harry has to take a deep breath and swallow hard, but then he switches off the light and trudges over to the other side of the bed. 

As Harry lays there, counting the speckled swirls in the ceiling, all he can think about is how the next five days might actually kill him. 

// Send me Larry or Andeil prompts! //

[gethealthy18-blog]

151 Questions To Ask Your Friends To Deepen Your Bond

New Post has been published on https://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/151-questions-to-ask-your-friends-to-deepen-your-bond/

151 Questions To Ask Your Friends To Deepen Your Bond

Harini Natarajan Hyderabd040-395603080 August 26, 2019

Do you think you know everything about your bestie? Well, maybe you do, but you can always dig deeper.

We have compiled a list of 101 questions, ranging from funny to emotional to serious issues, to ask your friend. These questions will help you get to know them better and cement your relationship.

So, what are you waiting for? Meet up for coffee or pizza and go through our list together. You’ll surely get to know a thing or two about each other that you didn’t know earlier.

Let’s get started!

151 Questions To Ask Your Friends

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What do you usually do to avoid an uncomfortable situation?

What makes you most charged up?

Which emotion drives you the most?

What annoys you like crazy about your life?

What do you see me as?

Who is the bravest person according to you?

If you could change your life, how would it be?

What makes you feel most loved?

Do you like loving publicly?

How would you want a stranger to perceive you as?

What is your biggest dream?

Have you ever lied to make anyone happy?

If you had the chance of renaming yourself, what would it be?

What makes you the jolliest?

When do you feel the most vulnerable?

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Do you dread dying?

What comes to your mind when I say funniest?

What are you most afraid of?

What would you choose – money or love?

What is your biggest fear?

What is your childhood fantasy?

Would you be able to stay with someone who has opposite beliefs?

Do you listen to your heart or your head?

Have you ever been heartbroken?

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

What was the craziest nickname you got?

What experience changed you as a person?

Whom do you take after?

What did your last relationship teach you?

If you had to choose between your family and friends, who would you choose?

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Do you believe in love?

What do you want your future relationship to be like?

What are you most grateful for in life?

What would you change about your past if you had a time machine?

What do you not like about yourself?

What inspires you the most?

What is the funniest movie you have seen?

Who is the one person who has changed your life?

Do you think confessions make a relationship stronger?

Would you judge anyone by the secrets you know about them?

Who would be the first person you would call in case of an emergency?

If you could ask anyone to marry you, whom would you ask?

What is your biggest dream?

What is the strongest childhood memory you have?

Who was your first childhood friend?

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What would be your last wish?

What would be your superpower if you could choose?

What do you regret the most?

Which is your most romantic moment?

How do you express your anger?

What is your opinion on soulmates?

Do you think you could keep secrets from your best friend?

Do you like solo trips or going out with everyone?

How religious are you?

Which was the worst phase of your life?

Would you like to live on after your death as a ghost?

What are the things no one would know about you?

If you had to give up on the love of your life for your best friend, would you?

What are your opinions on world politics?

What was the best phase of your life?

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Which movie do you connect to?

Did you ever regret falling in love?

Do you prefer looks over brains?

What is the most expensive thing you own?

Would you ever forgive someone who has cheated on you?

What is one thing you would want to tell your parents about your life?

Would you share your password with your partner?

According to you, what is the perfect age for marriage?

What kind of a parent do you think you will become?

Who is the person you would share everything with?

Would you stay friends with your ex?

Have you ever lost someone you loved?

If you are hurt, would you rather be left alone or be hugged tight?

What is your ideal weekend?

Did you ever break someone’s heart?

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Do you believe in karma?

Did you ever cry yourself to sleep?

What was the biggest misunderstanding between you and someone?

Where would you like to go for a vacation?

What tops your bucket list?

Who was your biggest celebrity crush?

Did you do something that seemed good to do but worked out the contrary?

What do you like cooking the most?

When did you make yourself the proudest?

Which was the most embarrassing moment of your life?

What is the first thing you would do if you were the president?

Which is your favorite place on earth?

What is that one thing you would never exchange in your life for anything?

Which is your favorite song?

Do you believe in ghosts?

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Did you ever prank someone?

What would you do if a murderer asked help from you?

Would you eat really hot chili for the one you love?

Which song could make you cry?

Have you ever broken a bone?

Which was the moment you were a hero?

Which food could you eat all year long?

Buying what keeps you the happiest?

Has anyone saved your life?

Would you adopt a child left at your doorstep?

Have you ever been so hurt that you wanted to take a drastic step?

Which is your favorite TV show?

Which food could you never say no to?

What is your most prized possession?

What is your easiest ticket to fame?

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Which is your favorite sport?

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Do you like observing people?

Did you ever get drunk and do something stupid?

Which car would you like to own?

What is the one thing you are terrible at?

What is your best skill?

How would your perfect room look like?

Which is the most used app on your phone?

Until what age would you want to live?

Which art do you like the most?

Which activity consumes most of your time?

What intrigues you?

How do you usually start a day?

What was the turning point in your life?

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Which date would you never forget?

Which is the farthest place from your home you have been to?

Which is your dream city?

Which was the worst accident you had?

What would be the one thing you would do to be popular?

How would you choose to relax after a tiring day?

Which fictional character would you want to replicate?

What is the cutest thing you have been attracted to?

Would you kill to save anyone you love?

What was your favorite pet?

Which outfit would you never be tired of wearing?

When did you feel you got the luckiest?

Where would you want to spend every second of your time?

Who is your favorite person to hang out with?

What would be your best adventure?

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What is the one thing you always wanted as a child but couldn’t afford it?

What small things do people do that make your day?

What is the most annoying thing that people ask you about?

Were you ever interested in anyone you could not be with?

What is your favorite hobby?

What is your favorite band?

What would your first question be if you woke up after 10 years?

Did you ever take anything for granted?

Are you addicted to anything? What is it?

What would you want to be remembered for?

What makes you feel free?

If no one ever woke you up, how long would you sleep for?

What is the one thing everyone should try at least once in their lives?

Have you ever been mean to anyone in your life and regretted it later?

If you got a dollar for every lie you told, how much would you earn?

Do you exercise regularly?

These are 151 best questions you could ask your friends and start a deep conversation with them. Do share your experiences with us in the comments section below.

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Source: https://www.stylecraze.com/articles/questions-to-ask-a-friend/

[dorothydelgadillo]

How to Write a Badass Professional Bio for Every Platform

Maybe you just got a snazzy new job or a big promotion.

Or maybe you’re about boost your brand with a speaking gig or a blog contribution and your professional bio has gone the way of those tortilla chips in the back of the cabinet (a bit stale).

Either way, it’s time to chain yourself to your keyboard and write something we all dread -- a professional bio.

Writing about yourself isn’t easy. It’s a fine line between cocky and confident and you’re never quite sure when you’ve locked down the totality of your career and passions.

Full transparency: When I started at IMPACT in February, I had to write one of these monsters myself -- and to be honest, I don’t like how it came out:

“Jason is a journalist-turned-marketer passionate about how storytelling and targeted messaging create business-changing content.

As an Account Executive, he is responsible for implementing inbound marketing strategies that help his clients increase brand awareness, generate leads, and acquire new customers.

When he isn’t working, you’ll find Jason reading on the beach, hunting down mono vinyl, and playing guitar.”

I’m going to hit two birds with this post and provide actionable tips and advice that will help put your mind (and mine) at ease so we can write better professional bios.  

After all, this is some of the most important public-facing copy we will ever write. When done right, your bio can help expand your personal brand, build awareness for yourself and your business, or even win you new business.

Upon these words rest the fate of our entire careers.  

Okay, I’m being hyperbolic but you get it; Our bios are an important first impression and we often neglect them because it is uncomfortable to write about ourselves.    

Without further adieu, this is my guide to writing badass bios for every major platform.    

General Tips

Let’s start with some quick things you should, and shouldn’t, do no matter where the bio is going to be posted.

Things you should do:

Pick the Right Point of View

When deciding whether to write your bio in the first (I) or third (Jason Rose) person, the general rule of thumb is to consider who is introducing you.

Meaning, when your bio appears on a company page, you are being introduced by your company so it makes sense to use the third person.

Ditto for conferences or most publications. I know it makes you feel like Kanye West, but unless it’s explicitly requested, get those “I”s out of your bio.

On the other hand, when you are writing a bio for your social media profile, it is better to the use the first person. Here you’re perceived as the “publisher,” so you’re introducing yourself.  

Establish why you’re qualified (but be human)

It’s a tall order, but a good bio establishes your experience and qualifications, but also that you’re a human being complete with a pulse and a personality.

If an AI application could machine-learn how to write your bio by crawling job descriptions — you’re doing something wrong.

Have a human voice and tone that is professional enough to represent you from 9 to 5, but doesn’t completely betray who you are from 7 to 10.       

Even if you’re in a field that is very conservative, use human language and avoid jargon specific to your industry.  

Things you shouldn’t do:

Play Buzzword Bingo

It’s easier to learn from the don'ts than the do’s — so I will fall back on my sword.  

I think my least favorite thing about my bio is the sour note I played with this first sentence.

“Jason is a journalist-turned-marketer passionate about how storytelling and targeted messaging create business-changing content.”

Journalist-turned-marketer is interesting enough and conveys my career path but everything after passionate is a buzzword or a conjunction setting up another buzzword.

That’s not to say buzzwords don’t have their place. After all, they communicate to an audience that you’re in their tribe and have a shared language, but, when we take industry jargon too far, we are just hiding behind it and safely filling space.

It’s better to speak in universal terms that resonate with your community, but could be understood by anyone.  

When possible, break away from buzzwords and you’ll stand out from the sea of sameness.  

Be all tell, no show   

Someone as apparently “passionate about storytelling” as I am should know to follow the most golden of all story rules.

Show, don’t tell.

According to wikipedia, this idiom is credited to Russian playwright Anton Chekhov who said "Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass."

You may be working with fewer characters than Chekhov, but whenever possible don’t tell someone who you are, show them.

Fellow IMPACTer Liz Murphy’s bio is a great example of this.

“As IMPACT's content strategist, Liz does more than wrangle commas. With more than 10 years of editorial and inbound marketing experience, she's obsessed with innovating new ways of creating amazing content that's absurdly useful and effective. (She also works with in-house contributors and clients as an editor, strategist, interviewer, coach, and sometimes therapist.)”  

What a great first note.

I started my bio with a screeching violin and this is Jimmy Page’s first bend in the Stairway to Heaven guitar solo (the moment that song no longer sucks).

Instead of telling you “I’m skilled editorially but can wear many marketing hats” with her first sentence, Liz showed you: “As IMPACT's content strategist, Liz does more than wrangle commas.

Bravo, Liz.    

Make it all about you

How dare you make your bio all about yourself.

Like any great copy, if your bio doesn’t explicitly its intended audience value, it’s dead on arrival.  

Using Liz’s bio once again as an example, “No matter which hat she's wearing, her goal is simple -- to empower organizations and thought leaders to differentiate themselves and drive measurable results through game-changing content.

Throughout her career, Liz has worked with organizations across a wide range of industries -- from cyber security and health care, to government sales and insurance.”

If I’m a business stakeholder reading this bio, I know what’s in it for me.  

Different Copy for Different Platforms

While the tips above are best practices no matter what, bios aren’t one size fits all and each platform has specific constraints and considerations.

Let’s discuss some of the most common and important:

1. The Company/Team Page

The most important thing to keep in mind when writing a professional bio for your company’s collateral is that you want to differentiate yourself, but within the value proposition of your company and in their voice and tone.  

To put it simply, you want to stand out but not too much.  

I think we all agree that consistent messaging is a must for any brand or business, but I still sometimes come across impeccably written websites with a singular voice and tone, until I get to the author bios.

Then, suddenly the organization feels like a collection of individuals, and no matter how interesting they all personally appear to be, they don’t communicate that this business is a united entity focused on providing me the product, solution, or service I sorely need.    

2. Blogs and third-party publications

The best advice I have to offer with blog bios is to ensure that it speaks directly to the subject you are writing about.

Think Aristotle’s ethical appeals. There is no ethos in using the limited inline space of a blog about quantum physics to share that you love to snowboard.

For third-party publications, you’ll usually have to defer to the style prescribed by the editor.

My suggestion: use the bio to sneak in a link back to one of your owned web properties.

Aside from that sweet link juice, this sends users who like your article to somewhere you have complete control of messaging and how they can engage with you.  

3. LinkedIn

LinkedIn caps your bio (called a summary here) at 2,000 characters.

This gives you plenty of real estate to stretch out and write more, but just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Keep it tight and only share as much is necessary to tell your story.

Also, be cognizant of what is visible before the visitor expands the module and clicks <see more>.

If you’re buying the good stuff, chances are no one is going to click show more.

Chris, our COO at IMPACT, does a great job in his LinkedIn summary of differentiating himself with his core principles and military background before the user has to click.

4. Facebook

Unlike LinkedIn, Facebook only gives you 101 characters to share your story.

It does, however, give you the unique option to set your bio as permanent or temporary in 1 hour, 1 day, 1 week, or custom increments. These temporary bios keep the information fresh and allow you to describe not just who you are, but what is most exciting in your career right now.  

For many of us, Facebook is largely a platform for our personal relationships, while professional networking activities live on LinkedIn, but if you’re building a personal brand, your Facebook page is an integral asset.

For tips and tricks about how to build a personal brand with Facebook, I defer to the always informative Neil Patel.   

5. Twitter

While I’ve made my feelings about my company bio clear, I actually like my Twitter Bio.  

The constraints (160 characters) and the short-hand of the platform provide the opportunity to get creative. It’s also worth noting that the platform is comparatively much less stuffy than LinkedIn, so feel free to have fun with it.    

Just don’t go full 2014 with MARKETER | WRITER | LOVER OF PANDAS or mention that you like to drink coffee.  

While I haven’t taken advantage, it’s a good idea to hashtag any industry relevant keywords to boost the discoverability of your profile, and don’t forget to @ your company!

6. Instagram 

Instagram bios force you to make due with 150 characters or less.

Given the platform’s users can’t put links into posts, that is one of the most important functions of the bio.

Like Twitter, make sure you include hashtags that lead to relevant galleries, or @ links that lead to your company’s profile.  

Think of your Instagram bio almost like PPC ad copy that you are using to drive people to content. You have to be short and savvy about how you use your space.

7. Speaking Proposals and Collateral

The great thing about writing your bio for speaking engagements is that you know the specific audience it should be tailored for.

So often we struggle with our LinkedIn/Twitter/Company bios because we are trying to be all things to all people.

To knock your speaking bio out of the park, learn all you can about the audience for the specific event or conference. Who has attended in the past? What was the most popular topic?

Uncover their needs (articulated or not), and tailor your bio messaging to demonstrate why you will be the speaker that’s forcing latecomers to stand in the back.  

I hoped this post helped you shed imposter syndrome (I’m projecting) and now you can write bios for any platform that put your best foot forward.  

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/how-to-write-a-professional-bio