#i was talking to the woman who runs the lgbt center i was going to

[just-your-average-tangerine]

Was forced to watch a truly incredible (derogatory) thing recently.

A young person on twitter, adamant that transandrophobia doesn't exist on the grounds that 'no one is killing/raping/assaulting trans men'.

Several people responded, including some linking articles about murders and assaults on trans men and a couple op-ed style pieces of trans men talking about their own experiences.

Said young person responded with "I'm not reading those its triggering and I'm a minor"

So let me see if I've got this correct, you are knowingly refuse to acknowledge reality because it's upsetting to you and then you're going to turn around and deny that very reality because you refuse to acknowledge it because it's upsetting?

[catboybiologist]

Hello, I've heard from a few trans women that their transition made higher education impossible I wasn't sure if they were talking about college or grad school, but since you're a woman in a PhD program I was wondering if you think transitioning would make getting a higher education harder.

Thanks

Someone who might be trans that wants to pursue a master's

Hm. This is weird to answer. Unfortunately I can't offer TOO much insight here. I'm very much a baby trans (~1.5 months HRT) and I present as a man day to day without issue (seriously, y'all have NO idea how masculine I look outside of my pictures). When I do finally socially transition, I'll probably have more thoughts.

With that out of the way, here's my personal experience so far:

I don't think I would have transitioned if I was NOT in academia/pursuing my PhD. I think most of the issues people run into can be divided into three categories:

1. Financial difficulty with acquiring HRT or other gender affirming care

2. Closer ties (financially and emotionally) to family and being seen less as an independent adult means greater pressure to not transition, and consequences if you do

3. Academic stress and pressure while you're undergoing emotional changes that may make things difficult short term.

Personally I was able to dodge most of those issues.

A huge part of this is because I spent a lot of time meticulously ensuring a lot of aspects of my life are in place before I started HRT. I waited until I was out of undergrad, which has weirder finances, I scoped out options at my student health center vs in the community, established queer community, waited a year to start in a good lab and establish there, scoped that lab out for queer acceptance before I joined, and in general became more financially and emotionally secure. Also, while I'm still in good terms with my parents, I'm not financially or emotionally reliant on them anymore- so if that changes when I come out, it won't affect me as much.

Looking back, it's hard to say whether I would recommend doing things this way. During the time that I was "figuring things out", I was dying. I was depressed and aimless, and I couldn't make happiness or contentment my baseline emotion. Starting an online femboy account was my only outlet for a while. Also, my results are going to be less drastic now that I've waited until I'm 25 to start.

Obviously, I still have the stress of a PhD to worry about while my emotions and body are changing. But to be honest.... My PhD has been kinder to me academically than my undergrad. All of my goals center around two or three long term, overarching projects instead of a million tiny assignment and study snippets from a million directions. I personally think this is easier to manage even if it's more work overall.

In return, the academia environment has been good to me about my queerness. There's a gender care specialist on campus via student health where I can get HRT, queer organizations and events are much easier to come by in a university environment, and people on average are far more educated and open minded towards LGBT issues than the general public. I have a role in the main queer graduate student group here, and it would have been hard for me to find explicitly supportive friends without that.

I'm gonna throw an additional paranoid note your way: a master's degree is hell for everyone. While the exact ways in which this is true vary from program to program, but in general, they feel like the worst of both worlds from undergrad and a PhD. You're locked out of or have less of a chance for the financial stability and employment positions of a PhD position, but you're also locked out of the financial aid and support of undergrads. I'm very biased from a miserable MS experience, though.

So yeah. I think my experience has been different than a lot of people, but I hope there was some small insight there!

[nerdygaymormon]

A few memories of my recent trip to Utah

I spent 4 days in Utah as part of a trip to attend the Gather Conference. 

I receive more hugs on these short trips to Utah than I get the rest of the year. I think the average queer Latter-day Saint is touch-starved and we need more opportunities to hug, to have someone put their arm around us, and so on. Touch is a way of feeling connected. 

Being with others who see me for who I am is healing. I don't have many people in my regular life with whom I can share all aspects of my life. It is such a relief to fully be myself with others and know they will accept and love me.

It's happened on previous trips to Utah, but this time more people introduced themselves and said they know me from my blog, from the chapter I wrote in a book, from the Lift+Love group I host, from podcasts I've been on, and so on. Mostly it's kind people just wanting to say "hi," and I love that, and I like to learn more about them and hear their stories. I do feel a little awkward if someone acts like I'm famous and they are fangirling. I'm just a regular dude who happened to have some opportunities to share his story.

Even though I said I don't like when others fangirl me, I found an exception where I liked it because it felt so validating. There was a moment when Ben Schilaty & I happened to be alone and I took the opportunity to introduce myself as David and thanked him for his visibility, that the work he does helps increase understanding. I've been following him since he participated on a panel of LGBT BYU students about 5 years ago. I've read his blog, his book and I listen to his podcast.

He responded by thanking me and it's nice to hear he's making an impact. He looked down at my badge with my name on it and he goes, "David Doyle! You're David Doyle! I know you!!! You had the thing in 2017 that went around! You're from Florida! You had the thing last year with Elder Renlund! You're amazing! David Doyle! I am finally meeting you! Allison Dayton says the best things about you!"

The rest of the conference, if we happened to be passing each other, he'd say "David Doyle!" as he walked by. It was cute. At the end of the conference, when the crowds had thinned, I was getting ready to gather my stuff and leave but Ben comes over and says, "I've been wanting to talk with you but I've been so busy." We had a few minutes and recognized each other as being on the same team in doing this work. He's prominent in this intersection of LDS & LGBTQ+, and it was surprising to have him know who I am.   

Friday evening a woman came running over and hugged me. 30 years ago I was a teacher at the Missionary Training Center and she was one of the missionaries I taught. This was her first time attending such a conference for LDS/LGBTQ people, she was there because two of her kids have come out, and she was so excited to see a familiar face. It was an amazing reunion. 

The RaYnbow Collective put on a Pride event on Saturday in the park behind where I used to live in the 1990's as a BYU student. 30 years ago I could never have imagined this happening in Provo. I had to go as a way to honor my younger, closeted self. The drag show was a lot of fun, very energetic!

There were no seats for the drag show, the audience sat on the ground, and my leg fell asleep. I couldn't get up. Some strong Samoan guy had to help. I was so embarrassed. I'm a very big guy and that certainly played a factor. Even after getting up, my balance was not right and I had to keep holding onto people in order to remain upright. I even needed help walking to the car.

All the feelings of shame about my body, my weight, my eating disorder, of worrying how others view me and wanting to be accepted and loved, all of that came rushing in. At the hotel I asked my friend @loveerran to take all the food from my room because of my eating disorder, but I still felt my feelings and had a good cry. I try hard not to let my social anxiety or body image or weight issues keep me from participating in life, but that night I wanted to hide away and never be seen again. The human mind sometimes is unkind to ourselves.

Despite that unfortunate episode at the park, I treasure this trip and all the people I met and friends I reconnected with. I returned to Florida with my batteries recharged, my resilience strengthened, and feeling seen & validated.

[ghostsontelevision]

sorry the gaylor stuff is fascinating to me so i wrote a whole damn essay abt it under the cut

something i find personally really interesting about gaylor stuff is like - i see the sentiment expressed often in gaylor circles that taylor swift's queerness needs to exist to justify her art. like, if taylor swift isn't queer, why does she write so much about hidden romances? about feeling like she needs to protect her lover from the public? how come she writes about these big dramatic whirlwind affairs when in real life she just dates boring white guys?

there's a few answers:

writing about normal dating stuff isn't as fun as writing about big dramatic whirlwind affairs. yes, love can be stored in going to the grocery store together and cuddling and movie nights - but it's hard to get multiple albums worth of material out of the bliss of domestic mundanity

she is a woman in the public eye. her dating life has been heavily scrutinized by a million strangers since she was sixteen. publicly being seen with someone is in fact a big thing for her, even though she is a cishet white woman who historically has only dated cishet white guys

as much as she hypes up her work as autobiographical - she is capable of writing fiction and has done so before. to assume that every song is ripped straight from her diary seems like it's discrediting her own creativity (and, see point one)

and i think its fair to say that these themes she returns to of forbidden love and having to hide your feelings can absolutely resonate with queer audiences. yeah, i do think a lot of her songs probably hit harder if you imagine they're about a queer person. but relatability and identity are not the same thing, and i think it's important to both not assume that everyone with x identity has experienced y, but also to not assume that experiencing y means someone must have x identity.

however, there's another layer to this. if i were to tell a straight girl about my personal experiences with homophobia, and she responded by saying "i absolutely understand - my dad wouldn't let me date anyone until i was eighteen, i had to sneak boys in and out of the house" - i would understand this as well intentioned, but i might feel slighted or misunderstood by the fact that she considered society-wide discrimination equivalent to having to worry about getting in a fight with her dad. similarly, i've seen many gaylors express that taylor being an ally would make her absolutely unpalatable to them - if she's straight, that means she centered herself every time she talked about lgbt activism despite being heterosexual, that means all the lyrics about hidden relationships are actually about her public boring white boyfriends, that means she didn't ramp up her gay activism because she was planning on coming out and she just did it to promote her new album, that means there really aren't any more secrets to decode and she might actually be dating a football player. for a lot of gaylors, the gay subtext is in fact the entire reason they like taylor swift, and if she's a heterosexual woman, that means they have to find a new favorite artist

in case it's unclear: this is an outsiders perspective. i find gaylor stuff interesting in the same way i find paul is dead stuff interesting - the concept of this long running conspiracy theory surrounding celebrities is really fun for me. paul mccartney is alive, though, and taylor swift is, at least to my knowledge, heterosexual. i'm actually not really a taylor swift fan - i won't change the station if she comes on the radio, but i'm only familiar with her hits and also steadfastly believe that her being gay wouldn't outweigh the damage her jet has done to the environment. i don't have any investment in taylor's sexuality at all - if she's been secretly dating whatever woman she was most recently photographed with, ok cool. if she's actually for reals dating the football guy - cool. but i think a lot of gaylor stuff leans on starting from the assumption that she's queer and works back from that, which makes for poor theorycrafting. additionally, i think it's fuckin goofy to pretend the biggest pop star in the world would face career-ruining backlash for being gay, especially when she's made her stance on gay rights known. i can't imagine someone going "i thought the gay rights song was good and tasteful but knowing she herself is queer has ruined her for me". if she could come back from the kanye scandal, the jet thing, the dating a right-wing asshole thing - she will literally be fine, and to pretend otherwise is to ignore the plethora of other queer pop stars who are far less famous than her and still maintained their careers.

however, i do find that theory that she and harry styles committed vehicular manslaughter and had it covered up pretty funny. i will incorporate that one into my belief system.

[ruffiorocks]

Soooo, a little (a lot) late to the party, but I just finished watching The L Word: Generation Q season 2: My takeaways:

• Finnley is a mess and ruining someone's wedding is cliche and a really selfish move. Its not romantic, its not cute and she deserved the punch in the face.

• Sophie gives both Dani and Finn the run around and it's not cool. Especially when she goes and sleeps with Dani again. Then she sings that song for Fin right IN FRONT of Dani!

. Shane is shane, she and Tess are perfect and I hope season 3 (if there is one has them together).

. Angie's storyline is done really well and the actress is really good to. Spoiler! It was so sad she didn't get to meet Marcus, but also very obvious that's what was going to happen. She and her girlfriend are really cute and that Prom Proposal was adorable.

. Alice! YES!! Finally they remembered that Alice is bisexual! They even snuck in a Easter egg with Bette's (past) opinions on bisexuality.

. I really liked Sophie's idea for unsung LGBT+ heroes, but why did we only see one couple?

. Tom is adorable and Perfect, a precious bean who must be protected and I hope he and Alice get more time together and they don't just ruin it by having a rejected proposal and we never see him again.

. Gigi, yeah.... I'm not to invested in her character, but she was good to Dani. I do however feel really bad for how she was treated by Bette!

. Alice's chapter on Dana 😭😭 right in the feels!

. Micah is a great guy, I'm not too sure about his love interests this season though. Mirabel is great and they have a cute friendship, the horse riding scene was cute but I think it went to "I'm in love with you" way to fast and she seemed reluctant and then didn't even tell her family they were dating (while perfectly happy to spill Sophie's drama). We got snippets of her struggles, her mum thinking she won't have to worry about dating, but that's something that could have been explored a bit more. Honestly, I found myself rooting for Micah and his co-worker.

. Tina, oh Tina, was she even there? She just pops up for a few minutes and is gone. She's defined by her relationship with Bette, that it, that's all Tina has. Even when she's being there for Angie, Bette is there. When's she's talking to her fiancé, it's all about Bette. The original series at least tried to give her storylines that weren't completely about Bette.

. Which brings us to Carrie, oh poor, loveable Carrie. Carrie is defined almost entirely by Bette as well. Every scene she's in its either with Bette or its a conversation about Bette. Seriously Tina, marry this woman who quite clearly loves you and can see your conniving ex for who she truly is.

. Which bring us to Bette f**king Porter! My God I hate this woman!! I hated her when I was a teenager and I hate her now! Bette (other than Jenny) is the worst character and I can't understand why people love her so much. She's not changed, she still a self centered, selfish, stuck up arsehole and I can't take to her. From the get go she's just a bully to Carrie who's just being nice. She uses women (Gigi) for sex and then can't be arsed with them later on. The moment something doesn't go her way she turns on Dani, she didn't even give her a chance to speak before she got all on her high horse and was nasty. She practically stalked that artist to get what she wanted, even though she had been told no. That's the thing about Bette, if she wants it, sex or even someone to be in an art show, she feels she has the right to keep going. Also, what is with Bette Porter and sleeping with people she works with?!!! I knew exactly how the therapy session would go and how she would flip out at Angie and I was right. But mostly what I can't stand about Bette is her constant need to have Tina but also other women. She has always been like this, she likes to have control of Tina or at least have Tina as a back up while she goes out and sleeps with other women. She was damn right Evil with what she did in the last episode, playing nice with Carrie on to basically tell her fiancé she's still in love with her. Then to top it off, they had door mat Tina turn up at Bette's door. TIBETTE SUCKS!! I've never quite gotten over Bette trying to force Tina to have sex with her and I never will. Come at me, I don't care.

.oh and Shane?! Telling home wrecker Bette that a VERY drunk woman was having pre wedding doubts (caused by said homewrecker) is a shitty thing to do! Bette took that bait and just thought "I can get what I want now".

. Fin went to rehab! Good stuff!

. Dani? You knew you would be in contempt of court and yet you went drinking and look surprised when you're arrested? Gigi you didn't help here.

. The Nat and Alice polyamory storyline (minus Gigi) felt rushed to me. Nat doesn't even think too much about Alice and jumps straight in. Honestly it felt like the season 2 writers just wanted Nat gone.

. The singing was great, I'll even applaud Bette for her part in Love Shack.

. Finally, Dani's dad is awful!!!

[room-archive]

By now, some of you might have heard about the situation in Poland. The following text was posted on FB by a Polish friend of mine following the events of 07. August 2020 in Warsaw. It describes what happened, and the context of what led to the events of yesterday. Please reblog and share this post to spread awareness about the current situation.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

For a very long time it has not been easy for me to write and talk about my country. Publicly, for a very long time I haven't. Disagreeing with most of what the current government stands for, that would have become a full-time job. Feeling that one is powerless, one can easily become indifferent and either emigrate abroad or immigrate inside to the bubble of like minded friends, trying to just go on with life regardless, to wait out the storm, to hope for the world to change one day on its own. I am guilty of doing both. But yesterday, I believe that Poland came to its turning point. We went to sleep in a troubled democracy and woke up in an authoritarian country that uses the full force of the state apparatus to oppress and unjustly prosecute members and allies of the LGBT+ community.

No good person can stay indifferent facing these circumstance.

General context:

👉 It all began members of the activist collective "Stop Bzdurom" (eng. Stop the Bullshit) spray-painted and cut the tires of an anti-abortion van. This van was taped with graphic images of dead fetuses and frequently driving through the streets of Warsaw. While the activists spray painted the van, the driver intervened and it came to a light physical quarell with pushing and elbowing. This is the video of this altercation: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1324521857722944&id=137358556439286

👉 On the basis of that, the Public Prosecution (which is under total political control in Poland - the Minister of Justice IS the Attorney General) decided to press charges of violent assault and destruction of property against one of the members of the collective - Margot. Margot identifies as a non-binary person (it will be important later in the story). Under those charges Margot could face up to 7 years in prison.

👉 Some weeks ago, Margot was dragged out of her apartment by police in civil clothing. At that point, police refused to give any information about her whereabouts or charges. It took many hours to establish that she was taken to the prosecution office for interrogation and to provide her with a lawyer. The prosecution filed for two months of arrest, awaiting trial. The court initially denied prosecution's request and released Margot. At that stage, this story could have ended as yet another, relatively harmless episode in our disfunctional democracy - unjust and infuriating of course, but at the end smoothened out by the somewhat independent parts of our judiciary.

👉 In between that and yesterday, the same collective hanged rainbow flags from monuments in Warsaw. One of those was a statue of Jesus. This was follwed by a wave of arrests under the charges of "desecrating monuments and offending religious feelings". The arrested were charged while our prime minister and president were visiting desecrated monuments and placing commemorative flowers.

And then yesterday happened:

👉 The prosecution appealed the court's denial to put Margot under arrest. Another court, for reasons still unclear, reversed the decision and decided to put Margot in jail for two months before any trial. There could not possibly be any reason to make such a decision legitimate. Margot is a special case because Polish arrest and correctional facilities are an extremely dangerous place for a (visibly) queer person like her.

👉 When Margot learned of the decision, she happened to be in the office of the biggest Polish LGBTQ+ NGO - Kampania Przeciw Homofobii (eng. The Campaign Against Homophobia). With the police on the way to arrest her (quite symbolic, isn't it), a few NGO’s asked people to gather in front of the office in a demonstration of solidarity. A few hundred people and plenty of journalists showed up, including multiple members of parliament from left and center opposition parties.

👉Margot decided that if she has to go, she won't just go quietly but as publicly as she can. She walked through the demonstration up to the police officers, offering herself to be taken away. They refused to arrest her. We thought they got scared of the public support and the cameras. It looks like we couldn't have been more wrong.

👉 The spontaneous demonstration moved to a nearby allegedly desecrated monument. There, peacful demonstrators were met by an excessively large police force seperating them from the monuments. And then someone has given an order to make an example out of demonstrators and turn the arrest into a show of power.

👉 First, an unmarked car approached. A bunch of police officers in civil clothing dragged Margot inside. For all that has happened later the crowd remained non-violent.

👉 Then, demonstrators sat down around the car to prevent it from leaving. (see Photo) The police attacked with an unprecedented brutality. Tens of undercover police officers arrived and together with their colleagues in uniforms they begun brutally attacking, beating, suffocating and throwing the demonstrators into police cars driving away with them. All that during broad daylight, in front of TV cameras. Without any shame or hesitation. Multiple photos of police brutality bellow. All questions about the basis of the detention were met with laughter. The protestors were not even called upon to disperse. Just faced with violence for the sake of power - no law, no order. TV cameras have caught police officers giving eachother orders to arrest "three random people from the crowd". Bystanders and people passing by were also arrested.

Yesterday in Warsaw is was enough to be in a wrong place, wrong time. We witnessed a straight up round up.

👉To paint the picture of the excess of the police brutality in more detail, I'll quickly describe one of the detentions. During that whole time, MPs (Member of Parliament) were present at the site. Now, they hold immunity from being arrested, but I don't believe anyone in Poland ever imagined that this immunity would have to be used in such a way. Among the photos below, there is one of a blonde woman, holding her hand on the back of a demonstrator, who's being pushed to the ground by the police. That women is an opposition MP who left yesterday's protests injured by the police and described in detailes what had happened. She saw police officers throwing the protester in the picture to the ground and kneeing her down. Her head was bleeding on the pavement. The MP run torwards them screaming to let go and pushing the police away. She lied down on the protester to guard her with her own body. Only then the police let the MP to put her purse under the bleading head of the protester (seen photo) and take care of the head-wound. The protester was then taken away by the police to an unknown location. That story is just one among many horrifying stories from yesterday.

👉 Later, noone knew where exactly the detained people were taken. We guess that around 50 people were arrested.

50 political prisoners.

Police has been refusing any information. The demonstration has moved under the main police stations and the second wave of random arrests happen (you can see it on the video: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=295720058542451&id=107750507339408).

👉Members of parliament and attorneys have been present at the police stations all night trying to get any information and to provide legal help to the detainees. In order to prevent this contact, police has started to move the arrested people out of Warsaw- a tactic straight up from the harshest repressions of the communist times. On one of the photos below you can see two MPs standing in the way of a police van in the middle of the night to prevent that from happening. People were being dragged out of the police stations to the transport vans. They were shielded on the way to the car by other police vehicles to make identification impossible. Few of them managed to scream out their last name. Attorneys were immediately requesting access to their clients, and were met by police officers bluntly lying that such a person was never there.

👉 To paint the picture in more detail, again, of what was happening on the police stations- below you have a photo of a lady reading a piece of paper standing in a window with bars. That's yet another Polish MP, reading a list of the people being held at that particular station to the desperate families searching for their loved ones.

As for today, we are still unsure about what is going to happen.

We know that the arrested people are being presented with bullshit charges, citing ”the participation in an illegal gathering with an aim of violently assaulting a person or a property". Those charges don't stand on any grounds - not only we have photos and videos - the whole peaceful protest was on live TV.

We know that the Polish Ombudsman and the National Mechanism for the Prevention of Torture has started visiting the police stations.

We know that the first international institutions have started to speak out. Example is in the photos below. With the gravity of what is happening, I'd urge for more and sooner.

Poland is not living up to any standards of a free country. Poland is below anything, that should ever be accepted within the European Union. The long-standing aspiration of my country to become a part of the "West" has shifted towards countries like Russia in a matter of a night.

I will fight this, my friends will fight this. We will not let this go gently into silent night.

But I am not sure how much more fight we have in us.

I'll end with asking all of you abroad for support. Let people in your countries hear about this. We in Poland may not be enough.

[phoukanamedpookie]

Why do cis white men get to have all the fun?

@idreamtofmanderleyagain and I were chatting recently about how, within the past 5 or 10 years, so much of fandom discourse around fictional characters is filtered through whether their actions, thoughts, feelings, and attitudes are morally justified or not.

And, being someone who pays attention to these things, it hasn’t escaped my notice that this type of discourse is very pronounced with characters who are women and girls, people of color, and/or LGBT (or coded as such).

Meanwhile, there are entire shows centered on cishet(-ish) white dudes who do things that are morally reprehensible: Tony Soprano in the mafia, Walter White running a drug empire, Dexter being a serial killer, Hannibal Lecter eating people, everyone on Game of Thrones not named Jon Snow, and so on. Hell (Ha, see what I did there?), Lucifer’s protagonist is the literal goddamn Devil.

Yet, there doesn’t seem to be all this energy directed at expressing approval or disapproval of their actions or toward ships involving these characters. Instead, people seem to understand that such stories exist to explore aspects of humanity that don't get much focus because it's not safe or socially acceptable.

How does a high school chemistry teacher become a drug czar? What happens when a mob boss goes to therapy? What happens when Satan falls in love with a human? These are some fascinating questions, things I know I’m interested in exploring via stories because it’s safer than seeking them out in real life.

And the thing is I want to dive deep into these questions with characters other than white men. I want to unpack and examine the circumstances that lead to the choices these characters make, the directions their arcs can go in, and how their relationships can play out. But outside of a few dedicated spaces, there aren’t many places where fans are free to explore these kinds of questions because everything circles back to whether people (should) approve or disapprove of this character or that ship.

And it’s frustrating because if you do talk about these things openly, you’ll get a lot of people trying to debate you as though you’re trying to justify harmful behavior or toxic relationships rather than trying to understand what leads to them.

Once again, it’s that puritanical streak that shows up in fandom where we’re just supposed to accept that characters do harmful things because they’re bad rather than examining the circumstances behind their choices. Or we’re just supposed to accept that a ship is always and forever toxic as though people and relationships are set in stone from day one.

(BTW, this puritanical mindset carries over to real life too.)

Speaking for myself, I’m not interested in static characters or static relationships. I’m interested in characters who do things I can’t or won’t do in everyday life, who walk in the twilight of morality, who contain fascinating contradictions. (I was and am taken aback by how much I love Wonder Woman because she’s not usually the sort of character I go for.)

As a diehard enthusiast of the Demon Lover trope, I’m intrigued by ships that are mysterious, passionate, and a little bit dangerous or scary. As a lesbian, a femslash shipper, and a huge romantic, I live for the profoundly transformative power of sapphic love. I’m not interested in whether a ship would be healthy or ideal in the real world. I want to explore what a ship uncovers about each character involved. I want to know how the ship could change them.

So what gives, fandom? Why does it seem so difficult to make space for this?

[blogsanscontext]

A Closer Look at: Momoe Sawaki’s character arc; by a nonbinary (trans) viewer.

CW: Major spoilers for Wonder Egg Priority + mentions and discussion of sexual assault, transphobia, lesbophobia, self-harm; please proceed with caution.

Wonder Egg Priority came as a relatively pleasant surprise for me; I heard about it some time after the first few episodes aired, but I never actively went out of my way to ever try to watch it myself until, that is, a few days ago. I must say, I’m glad to have taken the initiative to experience such anime on my own.

With a stunning animation to accompany the heavy subjects this work touches on, I quickly fell in love with it; all the characters feel very grounded in reality, with their struggles (even someone like Neiru’s, who is a literal genius and CEO of her own company) feeling relatable in one way or another. Episode 7 became my favorite due to this very thing, Rika’s problems were things that not only have I seen in other works before, but that I know exist because of the stories told in the news every so often. It only helped, in my opinion, that they gave a character with her background such a hopeful ending.

That being said, Wonder Egg is not a perfect anime, and though I didn’t expect it to be in the first place, I do think talking about why some of the ways it handles a specific character of the main cast are problematic are worth the time. When I mentioned that “all the characters feel very grounded in reality”, I actually only meant three of them, a.k.a.: Ai, Rika and Neiru. The reason Momoe is not included in this group is what I will be discussing in the next paragraphs.

This anime lets you know, right off the bat, that it will not stray away from heavy subjects throughout the duration of its runtime; the show deals with suicidal idealization (and actual suicide as well as its aftermath; in fact, “female suicide” is at the very core of the show and is what essentially moves it forward), self-harm, sexual assault, same-sex relationships, transphobia, and being a gender noncomforming person in a society that punishes you for not adhering to the roles it has imposed on you since childhood. The last points are the ones I took issue with, however, and though they are mostly the show’s fault, they also took it upon themselves to make Momoe be at the center of all three.

See, when we are first introduced to Momoe, we can guess by context that she is a girl, however, the other characters aren’t aware of this fact yet, and so they seemingly go out of their way to call her a boy, which makes her deeply uncomfortable, and this (ie. her reaction to be treated or perceived as a boy) is a running theme throughout her arc. This, in itself, isn’t really the worst creative direction to take with a character, it’s a story that has been told time and time again, but there is a problem with the way Wonder Egg Priority specifically deals with it: Momoe is cisgender, and so far, there hasn’t been a sign of this changing whatsoever, so she will most likely remain cis until the show ends. Normally, a story about a gender noncomforming cis person wouldn’t be seen as anything out of the extraordinary, as I’ve mentioned before, but it seems that they wanted to… “innovate”, so to say, with her character. And it’s this innovation, in my opinion, that which makes Momoe’s struggles miss the mark for me.

Momoe is perceived, almost ridiculously so, as a boy by whoever even so much as stumbles upon her; her followers on Instagram most likely worship her because they’re under the impression that she’s a bishounen, and yet the show goes out of its way to deal with just how uncomfortable this makes her. This is the issue I take with her and her arc: the show has a keen awareness of AFAB people’s issues, and treats them with the respect they deserve (which is not to say some jokes at their expense aren’t made, but in general this tone is kept throughout the duration of the story), and yet the tone-deaf manner in which they deal with her issues feels… disappointing, to say the least.

Momoe’s struggles, though they are valid on their own, are not a societal issue, no matter how one may look at them; if she were a trans person (either a trans girl, boy, or nonbinary), the strong emphasis on her discomfort at being misgendered would have made so much more sense. The reason why ‘switching around’ the stereotype of a tomboy falls flat on its face is that there is no real pressure from society to present feminine, it’s what they want you to, or more accurately, force you to do if you’re perceived as being assigned female at birth; however, this is not where my issues with Momoe’s arc and character end.

At first, I imagined a variety of (albeit vague, still reasonable) reasons as to why this show couldn’t have just made Momoe be trans, and semi-understanding of this decision; that was, of course, until I watched the actual episode mostly focused on her struggles, and that’s when I got slightly mad. Being honest, I still think it was a good episode, and it definitely made Momoe seem way more sympathetic than any of her past appearances, but it also perfectly highlighted my problem with her, and subsequently, the show itself: using queer people’s actual, realistic, problems in order to push her, a cisgender character, forward.

The thing with Wonder Egg Priority is that I love how, despite all these girls literally risking their lives to save a specific person, they still seem to have conflicting feelings about them (ie. Rika’s mocking of Chiemi, Ai’s frustration towards Koito, etc.) but I also take issue with this when it comes to Momoe specifically; Haruka is very much intended to be seen as gay, yet when push comes to shove, we are supposed to be taking Momoe’s side in this conflict. We, the audience, see these events from her point of view, and are therefore made to feel, in one way or another, uncomfortable with Haruka’s attraction for her. Yes, Momoe has worked hard to bring her back to life, but the fact that she’s cis and heterosexual stands; this isn’t just exclusive to Haruka, however, but every egg she’s had to save in order to get her friend back. All of them express a clear attraction for Momoe, “despite her being a girl”, and it’s just very easy to read these attitudes as wlw-phobic, extremely so.

My biggest issue though lies within the very existence of Kaoru’s character, the trans boy she has to protect in the episode mainly focused on her; while he is an endearing and sympathetic character, and I like that despite him presenting ‘majorly female’, Momoe never misgenders him. The thing is: he’s made out to be almost a “parallel” of her own gender-related issues, and this is just a very tone-deaf statement to make; trans people fighting not to be misgendered, fighting to be called their chosen name (something Momoe, while being cis, can just freely enjoy) - trans people’s pain is very much real, which the show is aware of, but Momoe’s is very much an individual’s problem rather than the way society actually works, which Wonder Egg is seemingly unaware of, for whatever reason.

Before I arrive at my last point on why this comparison doesn’t work, I would like to quickly point out the fact that most, if not all, the eggs the girls have had to save until this point were specifically meant to be girls, in one way or another. Therefore, taking this into account, Kaoru makes me feel… a lot of things, the more time I spend thinking about it; the show acknowledges he’s a boy, though not cis of course, but still very much a boy, yet also places him in this very much ‘female’ space; no matter how I looked at it, I could find explanations both for an opinion in favor of this decision (the way a lot of trans men’s problems are defined by our patriarchal society seeing them as women) as well as some for an opinion against this decision (the fact that it could be read as the show ultimately deciding he’s ‘female-aligned’, etc.) and though I won’t be discussing this decision in-depth, I still possess that it’s an event worth examining from different lenses.

Now, onto the actual element that got me heated about Kaoru serving as a parallel to Momoe’s struggles: Kaoru was not only sexually assaulted by a man who’s always thought of him as a ‘pretty, delicate girl’, his death directly relates to the fact that he was abused and then impregnated by this man for not living up to his gross ideal of what a man and a woman are; contrast this to Momoe, who pretty much gets the treatment Kaoru would love to have: she’s pretty much right off the bat seen as a guy, she’s fawned over by women because of this fact as well, they literally call her ‘Momotaro’, etc. Taking all of this into account, it’s simply impossible for me to be okay with a comparison that ultimately decides a cisgender person’s discomfort is, in any sort of way, on equal grounds as a (might I remind you, dead) trans person’s basic human rights.

All in all, though her episode made me take a bigger liking to her character, it also served to almost perfectly highlight the very problem of her existence, as well as the “struggles” she’s intended to represent; I don’t hate Momoe in any sort of way, and though I know there must be someone somewhere who relates to her, I also think that they could’ve done something way more meaningful with her had they just made some changes that made her more realistic (as in, make her at least be LGBT rather than just cis and heterosexual); I will be patiently waiting for the finale, and who knows? Maybe something does change about her in the end, that would be even more of a pleasant surprise.

[morningflames]

a word of warning

well here’s a post i never thought i’d be making

it’s come to my attention that a Certain Someone is planning on making a comeback to WrA soon and it fills me with nothing short of dread. i spent the day yesterday warning people he terrorized and manipulated that this was happening. you know it’s bad when there’s a literal network of people who share an abuser that have remained in contact for years in the event this happened again.

i am not going to lie and say that making this post does not terrify me but i cannot in good conscience sit back and let him worm his way into the rp scene again and do what he did to me and at least half a dozen others all over again.

to summarize: tarcanus aka tarcanus frostborne is a manipulative, emotionally abusive and predatory individual that should be avoided at all costs.

i am the player behind lyrinel, a former officer of his and someone who was on the receiving end of nearly a years worth of abuse and manipulation. my experiences pale in comparison to those of others who dealt with him and came forward to me after i left his guild, and i cannot speak for anyone who does not feel comfortable coming forward. if you do want to let your voice be heard, feel free to reblog and add your own anecdotes.

my story below the cut.

tw: manipulation, emotional abuse, gaslighting, coercion, grooming

i first joined coram populo in early 2014 after my best friend and fellow survivor (i will refer to her by her character’s name of thradia from here on out) joined the raid team in december of the previous year. we were both just looking for a social place to park our characters and maybe start role playing again, as we hadn’t had a guild or dedicated rp group in a while. things were fine and friendly for the first couple of months, though it’s worth noting that a large part of the office corps had just left or was in the process of leaving when thradia and i joined. we were both 18 at the time.

i made the mistake of reaching out to tarc in the spring, when i noticed him posting to his tumblr about how busy he was. i offered to be an IC assistant of sorts to his character and he was more than happy to toss me into an absolute whirlwind. we still didn’t know much about each other, but in the span of a couple weeks we went from casual contact in guild chat to immensely long (sometimes between 10 and 12 hours) skype calls, constant DMing, and an almost uninterrupted stream of conversation. i was struggling to finish high school at this time (spoiler: i failed to graduate) and found myself suddenly caught in an all-consuming relationship with this man and his guild. from the moment i woke up to the moment i finally hung up and crawled into bed, my time was taken up by tarc and the guild and the game.

i was promoted to officer less than five months after joining the guild. this was overwhelming for a number of reasons, chief among them being the fact that i had never been an officer in a guild like this before and i was very quickly escalated to tarc’s “inner circle.” this was a circle that he evidently didn’t even include his most senior officers in, as he didn’t seem to communicate with them to the extent or abundance that he did with me - and later, when she was ALSO promoted to officer, thradia. 

within a few weeks i found myself at the center of dozens of micro-confrontations and venting from tarc about other members of the guild, raid team, and even fellow officers. every time, i would tell him he needed to take it to his co-gm and talk it through with her. she, like him, was a grown woman with a lot more experience and better people skills than me, a teenager barely out of high school, but tarc insisted on beating me over the head with his frustrations and then proceeding to guilt me and tell me i was a terrible friend when i didn’t agree with him or expressed i was uncomfortable being in the center of a vent session that i felt was unwarranted. 

tarc was never wrong. he did not apologize. the words “i’m sorry” did not exist in his vocabulary, and if they did, they were almost always followed up with the word “but.” constantly he would be sending multiple messages to me or thradia while we were running events and raids for the guild, ranting about a few particular members that he disliked at the time regardless of how we felt about said members. thradia and i would both be reduced to tears and/or anxiety attacks by his outbursts that all but demanded we take his side even if we didn’t. his feelings and circumstances were paramount. everyone else’s were just inconveniences. 

tarc was always the victim. no matter what was going on, no matter who had instigated whatever vein of conversation we were on that had gone awry, he had a way of making you feel like utter shit until you grovelled for his forgiveness, which he rarely gave. instead he would move on without giving any closure or allowing you to discuss your feelings at length. if you tried, you were the insensitive one who he couldn’t go to with his “unfiltered emotions,” which was the entire purpose of his inner circle to hear him say it. i was not allowed to just be his friend or just be an officer, i had to be both and neither at the same time, and it still was not the right course of action. nothing ever was.

tarc was openly manipulative and antagonistic, always citing it as an “inside joke” when called on it. i opened up to him once about my father’s alcoholism and how i was uncomfortable with alcohol culture and being around drunk people. regardless, he would constantly call while drunk (or maybe he was pretending to be to get a rise out of me, i honestly do not know what was genuine and what was put on with him) and make me stay on the call with him for hours. when he was (allegedly) diagnosed with an inability to process certain alcohols that could be life threatening, he continued to drink (or claimed he was drinking) dangerous amounts, which lead to me begging him to stop as i feared for his life. one of the worst anxiety attacks i have ever had was over him endangering his health and me believing i was going to see a friend die. he knew how much this upset me and he did not stop. he held me as a captive audience to his self destruction (or the playacting of it) and let me cry and beg and plead with him to take care of himself.

tarc loves to promote a clean, “family friendly” persona online. he will go on and on about the positive atmosphere his guild provides and how progress and accepting he and his “safe spaces” are. as soon as you are inducted to his inner circle, however, you learn otherwise. he will gladly engage in sexually charged conversation with you, even if you are ten years younger than him as thradia and i were. we were both legal adults, yes, but just barely. i can’t count the inappropriate remarks and jokes made about us, our friends, and even minors all in the spirit of joking “what if” conversation. he has a history of making young LGBT+ people uncomfortable, making their sexualities and identities about him and how he can relate to them. 

tarc was the most two-faced and divisive guild leader i’ve ever seen. he would rant to me mercilessly about wanting to kick one of the junior officers and raid team members in private while never saying a word to their face or bringing it up with the co-gm. he would start schisms between people, telling each what they wanted to hear and encouraging both parties not to confront each other about it, allowing the resentment and distrust to grow as he fanned the flames on both sides. he wanted people to stay in the guild and continue to basically work for him while also putting him above anyone else in their friend circles. he told straight up lies to thradia and i, claiming one of us had said things about the other that we never did, driving a wedge and distrust between us.

tarc treats his guild(s) like a business. he is entirely capitalist-minded even in an MMORPG that people play for fun, churning out “content” and keeping up appearances like a machine. he treats his officers and guild members like employees, not people. any time irl would demand attention away from the game, forcing someone to miss or cancel an event, he would subtly guilt them about it until they apologized, even if it was a dire situation or a family emergency. 

when tarc wanted to start a wow roleplaying podcast, he approached me about cohosting. he wanted a female voice, and since i was out of school and had no job lined up due to not graduating i was the perfect candidate. i came on to narrate and research the lore segment of the looking for roleplay podcast, which was little more than me paraphrasing a wowwiki article, but i was held to a “professional” standard. i had to have my research done by a certain day, my recording done in advance, etc. 

the podcast was a spot of contention for several reasons, one being the mysterious emails tarc would allegedly receive about it. the podcast had a shared email account that all three of us could access and look at, but tarc claimed that people sent emails directly to him since “everything’s under his email.” he would use these strawman emails as indirect criticism of turwinkle and i, reading them aloud or typing up what they supposedly said but NEVER producing a real screenshot or address to verify them. i’m convinced he only did this as a way to make turwinkle and i feel badly and work harder “for the listeners” to appease things tarc didn’t like about our segments. he also insinuated he got inappropriate emails about me specifically at this account but, again, i was never allowed to see them with my own eyes, just hear about them secondhand, which is why i believe they did not exist.

around this time, tarc began recording conversations without mine or thradias consent. he would start recording random sections of calls and taunt us, playing back out-of-context lines and joking that he would make “podcast commercials” out of them. they were often embarrassing, personal, or just wildly out of context lines that we didn’t want played to the public, and i heard only a fraction of what he possibly recorded of me. i have no idea what kind of material he has of me and thradia that was recorded without us knowing or consenting. it felt like blackmail. it still does.

i internalized all of this. i thought this was normal. i thought he was an excellent guild leader and a role model for leadership. i had begun to treat world of fucking warcraft like a goddamn job and i thought that was fine. my life revolved around coddling and entertaining him, socializing and promoting and recruiting for the guild, raiding, running pvp entirely on my own, keeping up IC connections and attending events, recording for the podcast, all of it. i ate, breathed, and slept wow and coram. it was insane. i had been talked into having no boundaries for myself and my time, and any time i tried to correct that and build a boundary i was attacked for it until i backed down. i have never felt worse about myself than i did while i was in this guild. i trusted no one. i was worn thin.

i finally had enough early 2015. at this point this man was trying to get me to come live with him hundreds of miles from my family so that i could attend a technical school in his area. i am still 18. he was 28. i had been trying to step down from my position as an officer, citing if i was going to be LIVING WITH HIM that it was going to give me an unfair bias in my standing in the guild. this set him all the way off. he was planning a trip to atlantic city for me, himself, and thradia, who i had a ticket to visit for my birthday. he was getting frantic because he had been pursuing thradia for months, and i was no longer cooperating. 

when i threw this wrench in everything, our relationship devolved in the span of a few hours. within the day i left the guild on all of my characters and pulled myself out of all of his projects. within the month i had frantically faction changed several characters and eventually unsubscribed from the game for two years because i lived in fear of him. he had always alluded to “knowing people” who could hack and track IP addresses and kept tabs on everyone who visited his blogs and websites. i didn’t know what i thought he was going to do - all i knew was his thinly veiled brags and threats were at the forefront of my mind. i have played this game since 2006, but for the first time in my life i couldn’t enjoy it out of fear and exhaustion caused by him. he had ruined my favorite game in less than a year and made me paranoid about my entire online presence, to the point where this blog was abandoned for months before i turned it into what it is today. 

and the thing is, tarc’s not a creepy or abrasive guy when you first meet him. he’s funny and charismatic and outgoing. he loves to tell you about his world travels and show you pictures of him petting baby tigers at rescues in southeast asia and go on about these crazy winnings he would have in vegas. he’s larger than life - at least online. he came to visit me twice in the year that we knew each other. the first time was also the first time i had ever met thradia in person, and we had been friends for six years at that point. he has met my family, and that of several other members (both my age and older). no one ever questions why he’s there. no one ever thought it was odd that for a week he hung out with three teenage girls exclusively. 

this horrifies me to this day. 

thradia and i are still best friends. we compared notes and were sickened at how we were played against each other. slowly, i returned to the game. i reached out to people who had left or been on their way out when i first joined the guild, curious to see if there was a common thread. there was. everyone i spoke with had similar stories: being made to feel like shit, nothing they ever did for the guild was enough, they weren’t allowed to miss events or raids no matter what the reason, they were questioned and joked about inappropriately and made to feel uncomfortable and preyed upon, etc. i was not the only one. thradia was not the only one. at least half a dozen other former members and/or officers had these stories, and tarc just kept getting away with it.

he cannot keep getting away with it.

i am being open with this for the first time in six years because i don’t want to see it happen again. because i don’t want to know that, had i said something sooner, more people could have been protected. i was 18 when this was going on. i had no real world experience. i had no standard for how i should be treated, much less by someone almost ten years my senior and who claimed to be my friend. but he knew better. he should have had boundaries and space and lines he refused to cross. he did not. he crippled my trust in people for a very long time. i have only become comfortable playing wow on horde side again in the past year or so. i finally stopped looking over my shoulder, /who’ing him and his guild, avoiding rp hubs. but now i feel like i can’t do that anymore. the safety i have worked so hard to achieve for myself is now threatened.

i understand my experiences are mild in comparison to what some offenders on this server have done. but at the end of the day, this year was the worst year of my life. to this day, the skype ringtone literally triggers me because i associated it with him and his endless calls that i never knew what to expect from or how to get out of. i can’t look at certain parts of the game without feeling fear. for months i held my breath going online or logging into wow because i was waiting for him to pop up and start accusing me of things or trying to guilt me into coming back.

tarc ran coram populo, a guild that, as far as i know, still staggers along with a few members who can’t be bothered to leave. whether or not he’s planning to return there, i don’t know. he organizes and runs (from what i can tell) the azerothian trade federation (whatever the fuck that is). i don’t know what his plans are. i don’t know what his online presence looks or will look like when he comes crawling back. but i beseech you, do not give him the time of day. do not give him a platform, no matter how nice and “woke” he makes himself out to be. he lures you in with humanist ideals and then sucks the absolute life out of you- and that’s if he doesn’t want to pressure you into a relationship on top of it.

to tarc: if somehow you’re reading this, stay away from me. keep my name out of your mouth. i do not want an apology and a string of half-assed, gaslighting excuses. i have records of past conversations. i have screenshots. i know what you fucking did to me and to my friends. i do not want you back. i do not want you here. i do not want to share space with you. i want you to go away and never come back. 

you alone made it so hard to trust myself and other people. thradia and i both have had to seek therapy due to you. and now, you have the audacity to come riding back into the scene on a white horse, being self righteous about abuse and predatory behavior online, and have the utter gall to condemn behaviors you yourself emulated without apology or second thought. i know you think you’re a good guy. that’s what makes you so fucking dangerous. you genuinely don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, and if you do, you’ve buried it and squirreled it away and have covered it up to the point where you can turn any accusation back on the claimant. 

do not attempt to contact me. do not try to threaten or appease me. go back where you were. i am finally at home again, and you will not take that from me. go. away.

[pbandjesse]

Today was very good but very long. I am glad I was able to sleep in the middle bit. I did sleep good last night too, so I am sure that helped my mood. 

And it was just a good day. When I woke up James was still out, picking up the table from their parents and had already gotten all the market stuff in the car. So once they were back I was already dressed and I felt super cute. I was happy. 

And that continued. I was excited to do printing live at the market. There was another artist there today, an older woman who made a lot of LGBT things and we had a lot in common about found objects and it was lovely talking to her. 

I actually talked to a lot of vendors today. Ellen came late but her boss, Hellen, was there and it was nice meeting her. I am trying to make friends with the girl at the egg stand and so I gave her a print and she gave me eggs! So sweet. Love a barter system. 

This was our best selling day. There was a lot happening at the market though. There was a regalia with the boats, there was a child maker fair, there was a vaccine clinic, and the museum was free today! So there was a lot of foot traffic and we made so many sale. It was awesome. I felt like a real artist. 

The day started slow. We had stopped for breakfast and we got to use our new two person camp chair. We forgot our table cloth so we used our purple Mexican blanket. Worked just fine. I was very happy with making prints and was having a lot of fun showing people the process. I had them for sale for $10 instead of the normal $15 since they weren't packaged. But it went over really well and was fun teaching people the process. I was surprised when people didnt realize I did the drawing? Like yes its a print but I made and designed that! So I was glad I could walk them through the process. 

I did run out of paper. So I went in the museum and borrowed a few sheets from there. It was a really fun time. James was such a huge help but beyond that it was just fun being together. 

We had lots of silly high fives. James kept dancing? I love them, Im so glad I got to spend so much time with them today. We will spend time tomorrow too but this felt special. 

After the market we packed up and headed home. We stopped for sandwiches. Had a little trouble finding a parking space because that shopping center is weird. But we got sandwiches and went home. 

We got all the art stuff upstairs and had lunch and then I went to sleep. 

I didnt have to be back at the museum until 430. I woke up at 3 convinced it was 7am and I had missed my alarm and was very upset for a minute before I realized it was okay. So I laid there for a half hour before I got redressed, in a slightly nicer outfit, and me and James got ready to go. 

They drove me to the museum. We went in kind of a weird way again. But I was on time still. And this wedding was wild compared to last night. 

250 guests! So many tables!! I was in the print shop again and set up a print of the couple's name again. It was a little confusing figuring out if it was a hyphenated name or not but in the end I just made both. And it was honestly a great night. We were all a little worried but it ended up being fine. 

I didnt actually have a ton of people in my galleries. But the people who did come in were awesome. I got to talk up tours and programs but also Puhtok and the YLP program. People really loved the printing I was doing and honestly I think I have a better system for wedding now so I am pretty pleased. I did end up getting so much ink on my hands when I was cleaning up and it was annoying getting the scrubby soap and then the sink I went to didnt work and ink was just everywhere. So I had to clean that. But it was fine. 

James had been at their parents doing laundry and left a little late. So I just sadly waited at the front desk. I watched videos and soon they were here and I was very happy to go home. 

I was excited that the corset I ordered came. And is super nice and fits great? For $25?? What? To NSFW to post on here. But I bought it to wear over clothes so Im sure I will have it in upcoming outfits. It is pretty awesome. 

I put away the dishes and had dinner. Some of the wedding food from last night. And eventually took a shower. I am excited to sleep. Because we are going to the Ren Faire tomorrow! I am very excited!! 

Sleep well everyone!! Take care of yourselves!! 

[mariaaxescallop]

how black lightning is treating its wlw romance

(just for context's sake, i'm currently watching 3x04 of black lightning)

(SPOILERS FROM SEASON 2)

i love black lightning. it is a series about a black family of superheroes and that is the main reason why i started to watch it. the black representation is amazing, just like the way they address the struggles of black people in the usa. i also love seeing black girls (with dark skin!) on screen with different hairstyles. one of the things i love the most about black lightning is the main family. i'm so here for the family issues, not only metahuman related, but also the day to day stuff. the series addresses parental control, coming of age, leadership, the subversion of gender roles (lynn stewart? yes ma'am), dialogue, responsibility, respect, boundaries and, on top of that, the love the pierces have for each other.

besides, i can see myself on anissa and jennifer, not only because of their relationship with their parents but also in the way they interact with each other. every time they get to talk about anything, like school, race, gender, periods (!!!!), sex, clothes, their parents and, sure, even superpowers, i can't help but smile because it's so goddamn beautiful. their sisterhood is definitely one of the things that attached me to black lightning from the start. but i'm getting distracted here.

that said, i have to share one thing i do not like about the series. the way it handles its lgbt characters aka anissa and grace (mostly grace) (and i'm not even mentioning the other 3). just to point out, i didn't start watching the show because of them, if i did i probably would have already abandoned it by now. yeah, i'm mad about grace's almost nonexistent screen time. sis shows up one episode for one scene and a half and then vanishes for another three episodes. the majority of the interactions between her and anissa happen off-screen. how do i know that? i had to ASSUME that in order to make sense of their relationship. the first few times we get to see grace it seems like she and anissa are good friends. next season, when she comes back after a very long time, it looks like anissa ghosted her and is cheating on her???? and i didn't even know they were together or something??? every time i see them on screen it feels like they are on a completely different page comparing with how they were last time i saw them. at first, i thought i was missing something... until i realized it was the show that was LACKING content.

just to make it clear, i never expected the show to be about them. it is supposed to be focused on, well, black lightning. i was ok with that. i even ignored this feeling that something was wrong... and then i noticed how much screen time khalil has. i can't help but compare him with grace because both of them are romantically involved with our pierce girls and both of them have powers. even though they have those characteristics in common, it is pretty obvious that grace doesn't get as much attention as khalil does. and it pisses me off. there's also the fact that i'm not very fond of teen romance, but that's just a personal taste and i'm not going to elaborate on that while it seems like the writers keep forgetting about grace's existence, they do not forget about khalil. even after his death.

i like khalil. he is a well written, charismatic character. i find his interactions with jennifer very tender and it is very cute to see how much they care about each other. we get to know khalil's dreams, his pain, his confusion, his anger, his guilt and, finally, his redemption. his arc was so carefully done. i don't like the resurrection thing, though, but that's another story...

and then we have grace, whose life we barely know until she disappears without telling anissa a thing. while she is missing, the audience receives a lot of important information like: she was a foster kid, she was kidnapped by a prostitution ring at the age of 16 (???), grace choi is an alias and she is, in fact, a metahuman. a shapeshifter, to be more specific. and all that during her absence! i mean, she wasn’t given the opportunity to tell it by herself!!!! meanwhile, khalil manages to come back from dead before grace's return!!! and he has a lot of very long, graphic scenes!!! i mean, c'mon. i couldn't care less about the 23 martial arts he knows, and i definitely don't give a f*ck about his punch-on-the-heart thing.

not only grace is belittled as a character, her relationship with anissa has been almost insignificant to the story. jennifer and khalil had it all: cute scenes on the roof, khalil asking jennifer to be his girlfriend, sex talk, supportive moments, the drama, reconciliation, they run away together and then jen has a lot of scenes showing her coping with his loss. all we have from thunder grace is a few cute dialogues and other few kinda-arguments (which sound out of place if you watch them isolated because you have no clue regarding what happened off-screen), then we’re shown grace is hiding something, she leaves, anissa talks to gambi and jennifer about her and that’s it. WHERE IS MY DRAMA???? i don’t wanna see khalil’s muscles for the 8464th time, i just want anissa and grace to talk properly!

i love the representation in black lightning. i love watching a black family full of strong women being cute with each other and at the same time changing their community for the better. but then we have this asian bisexual woman who doesn't even have room to grow as a character, being constantly put aside. and this is not me saying that she should appear more just because she is a queer woman of color. my point is that she is a very interesting character, with a troubled past and a possibly nice personality. AND SHE IS A METAHUMAN, AN EFFING LEOPARD, what could be more related to the plot than that??? the way i see it, the story that is being told in the show would make more sense if she had more space, if she was actually part of it and not only an afterthought. she could add so much more to the plot. but it takes the writers being interested enough to put some effort on it, which they clearly don't have. by the time grace didn't even show up on season 2's finale, i felt disrespected by this lack of interest, as a bisexual woc myself and as a huge shipper of thundergrace. jennifer and khalil's teen heterosexual romance was at the center of the last episodes, meanwhile grace was mentioned a couple of times and that was it. why can't she get the same attention the other side characters do? some of them are so useless to the plot and yet there they are. am i talking about lala? idk.

grace could be so much more, she deserved more dialogues, an entire arc, actually being part of the plot. she deserved more complexity. i know grace has the potential. it is a shame that the show slept on her like that. i don’t want lgbt representation for representation’s sake, i want it for real.

[leznup]

Lesbian [Talk Show] - LeZ'N Up - Dating Stories

Stories from Conservative Closets

The hunger and thirst for LGBTQ content was strong with me and if you understand or grew up hiding in your gay closet, you know the temptation will always be a risk. What if someone sees you looking at books in that section? That's the sad truth of being a questioning youth. In order to discover who you are you have to risk being exposed and for some it's too much. We discuss how the fear of others reaction to PDA has an effect on Lesbian relationships. Even being out of the closet has it's restrictions when it comes to being okay with how the public treats lesbians and PDA. The gaze of men, haters, being outed in your community, etc. can all be obstacles for LGBTQ+ relationships.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEI5PkC6eCQ

Published on March 22, 2019

Dating and Going to Pride in the USA

Stephanie highlights some of the great Pride events she's attended on the West and East Coast. Nicole discusses some of the amazing Pride events of the Southeast side of the USA. Pride is an LGBTQIA+ festival. Events during the festival are all over the globe. Communities celebrate diversity through parades, exhibits, films, and of course parties! Join us as we talk about some of our memories from Pride. Share some of your exciting pride stories in the comments below. Have you ever been to a Pride event in your city? We speak briefly on dating as a Lesbian. Stephanie talks about the difficult task and knowing who is or isn't Lesbian. Nicole reminisces about her dating years before she was married.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAPzShnmpEA

Published on April 5, 2019

Dating Stories

Finally telling real lesbian dating stories! Stephanie is sharing some dating stories this episode. We hear about her Tinder date and her amazing luck at the gay bars in Portland. I also throw out some terrible date ideas. We discuss some interesting dating spots in big cities like Atlanta and Portland. How do we feel about Zodiac signs and dating? Do you search for certain signs while dating? Stephanie talks about the Virgo life and if her first date was interested in moving forward with her. What is your favorite LGBTQ bar in Portland? Share some of your wild stories in the comments!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb1v3q_0FXo

Published on April 17, 2019

Bedroom Stories

We are talking about what goes down in the bedroom. Stephanie continues sharing the details of her date with a woman she met at the gay bar. We discuss Lesbian top and bottom dynamics in sex and celebrate switch hitters. We talk about dating apps and how polygamous relationships compare to open relationships and monogamous ones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tjh9yoOL9Xk

Published on April 18, 2019

Finding Your Soulmate

Stephanie asks how Nicole knew she wanted to start a monogamous relationship with her wife instead of another open relationship with a new woman. Nicole tells Stephanie about meeting her wife and falling in love. How do you know you've found the one? Nicole discusses the difference between her relationship with her wife and past women she's dated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_V4xtharZI

Published on April 19, 2019

Finding Lovers & Friends

Nicole gives her strategy for finding lesbians in the wild. Stephanie shares how fun it is to hang out with gay males as an alternative to hanging out with lesbians. We tell stories about going to lesbian events and bars alone vs going with a crew of lesbian friends. Tune in for a glimpse into the struggle to find lovers and friends in the lesbian community.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRcJcljmY2g

Published on May 1, 2019

Virgin Sex and Dating

Everyone has to start somewhere! Join Stephanie and Nicole discussing the first time they had sex as lesbians. Stephanie also gives us an update on her lesbian dating life as it heats up and continues in Portland. Will she ever find a woman that doesn't sneak out before the sun comes up? Does the media portray losing your virginity and first times wrong? Join in the comments and share how you feel about orchestrated sex scenes and what it's actually like to have sex for the first time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJ4HZLWCN2M

Published on May 3, 2019

Useless Lesbians

The phrase "useless lesbian" has become a funny meme but is it harmful? Stephanie and Nicole talk about what it's like to feel like a useless lesbian. Useless lesbian is often defined as a lesbian who wouldn't recognize if a woman is into her even if its obvious. We talk about rejection, flirting with women, and giving compliments that don't feel creepy to both parties. Have you ever felt like a useless lesbian? Join us in the comments and tell your story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHu7S_8W4GM

Published on May 8, 2019

Queer Sexuality Part 1

Our first guest joins us to talk about Queer sexuality. Kyrstin (Portland) is joining us and sharing her journey to identifying as Queer. We ask her all the questions we have about what Queer means to her and how living and identifying as Queer has impacted her life. She gives us an amazing introduction into Queer topics. We discuss bisexuality, pansexuality, and how she feels about the term homoflexible. What does being Queer mean to you? What does the term mean to you and your community? Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss Part 2 of this discussion and all our other entertaining episodes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF7YjZLSqt4

Published on May 13, 2019

Queer Sexuality Part 2

Part 2 of our discussion into Queer sexuality. Kyrstin (Portland) is joining us and sharing her journey to identifying as Queer. We talk about the different situations where identifying as Queer would include a variety of different presenting humans. We discuss bisexuality, pansexuality, and how she feels about the term homoflexible. What does being Queer mean to you? What does the term mean to you and your community? Check out Part 1 as well to continue the topic of Queer sexuality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6YUxidEe0E

Published on May 14, 2019

My Ex Changed Her Name

Nicole's first girlfriend joins the show to talk about how she changed her name. This is great if you're thinking about changing your name or want to hear a story about something you've never done before. We discuss how she came up with her new name (Justin), her fears, and the different situations that developed. Have you ever introduced yourself and used a different name? Are you thinking of or have you changed your name?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1sEp_h5t8k

Published on May 20, 2019

My Ex is Bisexual

Part 2 of The Talking to My Ex GF series is here and it's Bisexual. Stephanie, Justin, and I talk about how bisexuals are viewed in the LGBT+ community. Justin discusses what it means to be bisexual now while she is in a heterosexual relationship and what it was like coming to terms with bisexuality. Are you struggling with identifying as bi or any other sexuality? Are you interested in how someone decides or arrives at the decision to be another sexuality?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5QrQF2RLkM

Published on June 8, 2019

Operation Gemini

Stephanie shares the legend of Operation Gemini. Lesbian Zodiac Killer, Sex, Love, Instagram PI Work, Murder Mysteries, and the one Nicole calls Carmen San Diego. We get into a play by play about the ups and downs of what we thought was Tinder magic but turned into a dumpster fire. Of course we briefly talk about horoscopes and how we always surround ourselves with the same signs. Nicole asks Stephanie to describe her perfect girl and talk about how important it is to find someone who is honest. Is Carmen San Diego playing games? Is it hard to be honest during the dating process? How does everyone feel about Murder?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQOAvNz5Mpc

Published on June 14, 2019

Operation Gemini Part 2

The legend of Operation Gemini continues. As if she couldn't do any worst she tops the charts with the worst texts of all time combined with late-night self-centered dates. Stephanie replays the last mission with Gemini and the disappointment that is dating in 2019. Lesbian Zodiac Killer, Sex, Love, Instagram PI Work, Murder Mysteries, and the one Nicole calls Carmen San Diego. We get into a play by play about the ups and downs of what we thought was Tinder magic but turned into a dumpster fire. Is Carmen San Diego looking for casual or disposable sex? Is it hard to be honest during the dating process? Is this op finally done?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFrLfG8WBD0

Published on June 26, 2019

Lesbian Squad Goals

We can't be the only ones dreaming of that perfect lesbian friend group. Tune in to hear Stephanie's idea of the most diverse lesbian squad and Nicole's lesbian run utopian town. We are talking lesbian energy, friend groups, and as always how hard it is to find lesbian friends and lovers. Are you friends with people of one sexuality over another? Would you live in a town populated with only one kind of sexuality? What does your perfect squad look like?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3g3bMqvMTk

Published on August 2, 2019

Femme Lesbian Struggles

The #femmelesbian struggle is real and we speak about it in this episode of the podcast. Femme Lesbians often talk about how they are erased in the world and community. Could it be the link between heterosexuality and femme women’s style? What are femme lesbians able to do to get others to know they are a part of the QBLTIA+ community? Check out the video and let’s get a conversation going about our femme sisters.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvUBacKuO_0

Published on August 9, 2019

Dating Turn Offs

Can one be satisfied with getting laid even if their partners do not excite them? Is the myth women only like bad choices true? A short pow wow between Stephanie and Nicole reveals Stephanie is aware she goes for the worst women but just finds so much pleasure in the chase. Can she change her choosey ways and find a good stable woman to tame her wild way?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYiCJEWApYg

Published on August 31, 2019

Bisexual Celibacy

Can a person be naked in the heat of passion and identify with the lifestyle choice of Celibacy? Stephanie shares an interesting story about a night with a Bisexual friend. She met this friend from the totally reliable dating app Bubble. Celibacy is defined by the iPhone 11 as the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations. Is that what had happened lol? Have you or have you ever met someone who has been successful with Celibacy? How does everyone feel about Bisexuals being top tier on the show?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPA_PFb_k7g

Published on September 20, 2019

WTF 2020

Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. Part I in the series we talk about how we are handling the virus right now. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2isgCr1woU

Published on April 10, 2020

GROSS STORIES

Part II in the series we talk about what isolation has done to the whole 2020 vibe and how gross people are acting. Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_qExFAcwfI

Published on April 11, 2020

REAL HEROES

Thanks to Stripers, delivery persons, healthcare pros, and teachers to name a few. Part III in the series we talk about the real heroes of the Coronavirus. Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. We talk about creative ways to reach out to people and connect in a time of social distancing. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ5N75kaUV4

Published on April 12, 2020

SELF LOVE

It's important to keep your mental health strong and your spirits up in these hard times. Part IV in the series we talk about things to pass the time and keep people out of depression. Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. We talk about creative ways to reach out to people and connect in a time of social distancing. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLudk3swzoc

Published on April 13, 2020

GOOD VIBES

There's always some good in bad situations. Part V in the series we talk about things that are good about the quarantine and our hopes for hot girl summer. Stephanie in Portland and Nicole in Atlanta sit down and talk about where the world is with the Covid-19 virus. We talk about creative ways to reach out to people and connect in a time of social distancing. How is everyone handling the virus and being in quarantine? Have you shared the show with anyone?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnOxnUmJL7k

Published on April 16, 2020

2020 Woke

What does it mean to be a "woke" person in the year 2020? We spend most of our lives working our jobs and trying to get by that we miss so much. We are sleep to the issues of the world and how trapped we are in a loop so we can ignore them. Stephanie and Nicole discuss the awakening of the masses because of the lack of 40 hour work week. Now that everyone can pay attention to what's going on in the world what will they do with this new knowledge? Do you stay asleep afraid of the change that could set you and others free?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19IcQHyZaoc

Published on June 15, 2020

Protest Gemini

Long time fans of the show should know if you see the word Gemini in the title it's going to be a crazy one. The Gemini Magnet Stephanie of course has another encounter with a Gemini. Who would have guessed it's the original murder she wrote Gemini herself?!? Stephanie recounts seeing Gemini Carmen again while out of quarantine and also seeing all her past hott girl summer flings. Can she be proud of how she handled running into an old hookup? Is running into Gemini Carmen a sign of the times?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smh6x5jq-PE

Published on June 16, 2020

Racist Parents

Growing up a minority in America is hard. A lot of children grow up being prepared for a racist world by racist parents. Racism is such a parasite it is in everyone. Racism isn't just a black and white issue, it’s an issue within each race. Racism is taught and it can be so hidden a person can't recognize it until they have the knowledge of something different. Stephanie and Nicole discuss cultural differences with our parents and the difficulties with mixed-matched morals. Shouldn't you trust the people who you love and you think care about you? Is their judgement always right and best for you? How do you tell them they are wrong and have a conversation?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQttekUA24g

Published on June 17, 2020

All Protest Matter

How are some people allowed to protest with guns and other protests are controlled by Police violence and Police using guns? This episode Stephanie and Nicole talk about the protests going in Atlanta Georgia and Portland Oregon for the Black Lives Matter Movement. We share stories about the protests, police force on people of color, and how racism needs to talked about and people need to wake up and educate themselves. Is it enough to just not be racist? Should you know the history of racism so that you can educate others and know how to combat it when the time comes?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ny_wS-Nw-UA

Published on June 18, 2020

BLM Protest Matter

Racism, protests, looting, brutality, and who knows what's next. Stephanie and Nicole discuss the horror that is 2020 and the treatment of people during peaceful protests. Hear stories from the protests in Atlanta and Portland. Stephanie and Nicole discuss the heated topic of racism is America right now. Views about the Black Lives Matter Movement being the most important news, racism within the community, stories from protests, personal racist encounters, and more come up in this series. As people of color, Stephanie and Nicole offer their unique perceptive on what it means to be experiencing this important moment in our history. How does everyone feel about the protests? What about the police state we call America? Any police sad about the way your profession is treating Black people and everyone in general? Let's peacefully discuss what's going on right now in the comments below?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxsfq-Z3lOE

Published on June 19, 2020

Wuz Up 2020

2020 the Coronavirus, Covid - 19, call it what you want, it's still around and dangerous in the USA. This isn't a normal catching up show. Stephanie and Nicole discuss masks, protests, and what's going on in Atlanta Georgia and in Portland Oregon. Is it easy to get a test in your community? Has the Pandemic changed your job for the worst? Are people being too cautious and this is all a hoax? Let's talk about the worst time in history in the comments below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asW_WWhcEXA

Published on September 26, 2020

2020 Dating Rules

2020 the Coronavirus, Covid - 19, call it what you want, it's still around and dangerous in the USA. This isn't a normal dating story show. Stephanie and Nicole discuss masks during dates, dating ideas, and the important questions to consider before entering the dating field in 2020. Stephanie shares her concerns with dating during the pandemic and the more serious terms. Do you think it's risky to date while Covid-19 so easy to catch? Can we trust strangers to be honest about how they are preventing coronavirus transmission? Let have a weird sterile discussion about the virus and dating during this Pandemic in the comments below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clvB1-gIkqo

Published on September 30, 2020

Dating Bipolar

My wife and I worked at the same restaurant for two years before we started dating. Discovering the love of your life right under your nose is one thing but finding out she is bipolar is another. Stephanie and Nicole talk about what it's like to date someone with Bipolar Disorder. I talk about if given the chance again would I continue to date and fall in love with my wife. Would a serious physical or mental disorder change how you feel and your relationship with someone you're dating? Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who had major health obstacle in their life?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wd6U_DJaBgs

Published on October 4, 2020

Fire 2020

2020 is still hitting hard. Stephanie and Nicole talk about the new way society is in 2020. We are catching up on what it's like in the job market in 2020 and the bizarre ways you can get the fire stamp from a job in 2020. Nicole talks about her family in Georgia and what they are going through at work in 2020. We want everyone to remember how important mental help is in 2020. Everyone is struggling 2020 so we need ways to figure how to deal with an increase in major situations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1dzHdV2rHc

Published on October 11, 2020

Leave 2020

Is the USA a huge conspiracy or is our news media feeding us hoax after hoax? Stephanie and Nicole talk about why California is just a fire zone for the new 5G tower state and other crazy conspiracies that make us want to leave the USA. We discuss the land down under and Canada as the new options to start our all Queer utopia. What kind of crazy conspiracies have you heard? Is it safe to stay in the USA or should all Queer folk leave? If we do leave where would we migrate and start a new society?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvKKfdiaPJM

Published on October 17, 2020

Help 2020

So many people need help in 2020. The year is still hitting hard. Stephanie and Nicole talk about how things are still changing in 2020. We are shouting out to the people and jobs that have be giving us life and help in 2020. We talk about the future and how covid-19 is going to shape what 2020 and beyond is going to be like for society. We talk about the vaccine and the fight for a breaking point in covid-19 and the struggle in 2020. We talk about the future of 2020 in this show, what are your predictions for the rest of 2020? Will you be getting the vaccine in 2020?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLzCMXaaeJM

Published on October 24, 2020

[saywhatjessie]

cute dog related title

3.5k. For Elaine. Join us on Discord! [Ao3]

“What do we think about Joan?”

Henry blinked, looking up from his phone to look over at Alex. “What?”

“Joan!” Alex repeated, excitedly. “As a name!”

Henry’s face contorted. “As in Joan of Arc?”

Alex’s face fell, “No, like Joan Jett. I’m trying to keep with our vintage rockstar theme.”

Henry let out a surprised laugh, turning a bit in his seat so his knee bumped Alex’s. “I like it.”

“Yeah, but if the first thing you thought was a religious figure, that’s not my favorite thing.”

“Well, it’s not like Bowie is the first thing you think when you hear David. Could just as easily be the Bible story with Goliath.”

Alex grimaced. “I don’t know if I like that.”

Henry huffed a laugh again, putting a hand on Alex’s knee. “Well, it’s not as if we have to decide now. Let’s at least meet the dogs first, yeah?”

Alex’s mouth twitched and he groaned dramatically, covering Henry’s hand with his. “ Fiiiiiiiine .”

Henry smiled softly, bringing Alex’s hand up to his mouth, kissing his knuckles. Alex grinned, butting his knee against Henry’s, teasing him for being so corny. Henry winked.

“Anyway, I’m more concerned with breed,” Henry said coolly, lifting his phone back to his face. “It’s important to research these things beforehand.”

Alex snorted. “H, I think the last thing we’re going to find is a pedigree where we’re going.”

Henry made a protesting noise in his throat. “It’s not about pedigree, love. We need to get a dog that will get along with David. One that won’t have separation anxiety when we need to be away and one that isn’t terribly difficult with new people.” He turned his phone toward Alex. “I have a list.”

Alex glanced at it and snorted. “Did you really google ‘dog breeds good with beagles’?”

“As opposed to what?” Henry said, his eyebrows hiked. “I got results, did I not?”

Alex snorted again but ran a hand over Henry’s knee as if to say ‘Yes you did, darling, now continue’.

Henry did just that. “Beagles on the whole are rather friendly and there’s very few breeds they won’t get along with.  And there’s always dogs that universally get along with everyone, like golden retrievers and labradors.”

Alex scrunched his face. “Sure, but how basic is that?”

Henry leaned his head against the headrest and turned to look at Alex, mournfully. “You’d look adorable with a Golden retriever.”

“I resent you for implying I wouldn’t look adorable with any dog.” Alex said. “And if I fall in love with a Golden Retriever then it is what it is. But give me more interesting options.”

Henry sighed but dutifully returned to his phone. 

“Greyhounds?” Henry offered, skeptically.

Alex pumped a fist. “Fuck yes. Skeletal horse-looking fuckers. That’s what I’m talking about.”

Henry grimaced but tapped at his phone a bit before humming in interest. “Greyhounds are one of the breeds most in need of rescue, since they’re former racing dogs. But they’re also one of the hardest dogs to rehabilitate and don’t deal well with the cold or being alone.” He looked at Alex, meaningfully. “So a greyhound would definitely do well in New York while we’re away on politics business or some such.”

Alex grimaced. “Okay, fine . What else you got?”

Henry continued to take him through various dog breeds, pros and cons, relating them to David and what life would be like for the new dog back at the brownstone while Henry was abroad and while Alex was in class or potentially doing lawyer things.

It was just so surreal for Alex to think that he could do this. He could get a dog with his boyfriend. They were living stable and almost boring lives. His mother had no more campaigns to run and he was stressed out in school, which was right in his comfort zone. Henry had his youth shelters and his LGBT organizations. He and Henry were out to the world. It felt like they could really start being a family.

And what better way to start a family than with a dog?

“I do hope David doesn’t feel as if we’re replacing him,” Henry mused, briefly looking out the car window. “This is for him. So he isn’t lonely when we’re both out. Since we left Mr. Wobbles, he needs a mate. This is for him. Do you think he knows?”

Alex’s mouth twitched into another smile and rubbed Henry’s knee consolingly. “If he doesn’t know by now, we can always put the new pup in a box with a bow on it. David would have to be particularly stupid if he doesn’t get the hint then.”

Henry turned to him with a frown. “You’re making fun of me.”

“Just a little,” Alex admitted, bringing Henry’s knuckles to his mouth to kiss them. “David knows we love him. He’ll be fine.”

Henry was still frowning but he turned back to the window, getting more and more nervous the closer they got to the shelter.

Zahra had vetted this shelter within an inch of its life, triple checking references and doing follow up calls with adopted dog owners from more than ten years ago. It was extremely important to not only Alex and Henry but to his mother’s public image, that if Alex was going to be adopting a dog, it would be in the most unambiguously ethical way possible. No puppy farms. No PETA ties. Just good old fashioned dog rescue.

They’d set up a private appointment, obviously. They’d tweet about the shelter once they were safely away.

Cash navigated the car around the back of a squat looking building, putting it in park and turning around to look at them. “You both ready?”

Henry nodded, a steely look in his eye. Alex gripped his hand and gave it a quick squeeze.

They pushed out of their respective doors and Alex hurried around the car to Henry’s side, grabbing his hand again before they reached the back door. Henry shot him a grateful smile and knocked.

A woman opened the door with a startled-sounding “Oh!” despite her clearly having expected them. “Well, wow, hi! Come in!”

Alex smiled, as he and Henry stepped past her into an office. The woman was young-looking, her hair tied up in a messy ponytail and glasses on her face. She wore scrubs with little corgis on them.

“Were the corgis for this guy?” Alex asked, pointing to Henry and gesturing at her scrubs. “Because they’re really more the queen’s thing. Our boy is a beagle man.”

Henry rolled his eyes and smiled even as his ears turned red. “Not everything is about me, Alex.”

“Oh, I did wear them for you, though,” the woman said, her hands shyly tucked in her scrubs pockets. “They felt appropriate.”

“You look great,” Alex told her, winking. He gave Henry’s hand a last squeeze before releasing it to offer it to her. “I’m Alex.”

“I know,” she said, with a slight giggle, taking his hand. “I spoke to your handler on the phone. I’m Faith.”

Alex grinned, shaking her hand and turning to Henry. “I’m sure Zahra would love to know she’s my handler.”

“She has been your handler for well over a decade, love.” Henry told him fondly.

He turned to Faith, offering his own hand. “Henry.”

She took it, bending her knees a bit in an awkward curtsy.

“Oh, that’s really not necessary,” Henry told her, embarrassed.

Alex moved to do his own curtsy, waxing about how amazing and royal Henry is, but he figured that might embarrass Faith more than Henry, so he just grinned and smacked Henry on the ass. “Yeah, he’s really not that great.”

“Alex,” Henry groaned.

“Can we see the dogs?” Alex asked, bouncing a bit on his toes.

Faith looked between them, biting her knuckles, looking very much like she was seconds away from collapsing into giggles. Instead, she cleared her throat and stood up, acting extremely professional. “Of course, follow me.”

They made their way out into the main hallways of the shelter and Alex leaned close to Henry’s ear. “Janis?” He said in a low tone. “Like Joplin?”

“Also Chandler Bing’s annoying girlfriend,” Henry whispered back.

“Goddammit.”

Alex sighed, turning his smile all the way back up when Faith turned to them as they stopped in front of another door.

“I’ve pulled some dogs for you ahead of time. Ones I thought would be a good fit based on what your handler told me. No major abandonment issues, house trained, good with other dogs–”

“Beagle, specifically.” Henry interrupted.

“Yes, a beagle, specifically,” Faith corrected, smiling indulgently. “I’ve pulled three dogs for you to meet today and you can always come back if none of them feel right. But the first one is right behind this door! He’s a Golden Retriever, he’s two years old, and his name is Davey. You ready?”

Alex and Henry nodded and they all headed in.

Davey greeted them very enthusiastically, panting and twining around their legs, his head butting into Alex and Henry’s hands until they scratched his ears. He didn’t bark and he didn't jump up, obviously very well trained.

And he was beautiful. A very handsome and good boy.

“Sit on the ground,” Henry instructed, pulling out his phone. “If I don’t get a photo of you with this dog I will never forgive myself.”

Alex rolled his eyes but sunk to the ground, sitting cross legged in the center of the floor. Davey immediately came up to lick his face, curling his body around so he was sitting square in Alex’s lap. Alex laughed and pet his belly, setting Davey’s tail to thrash in ecstasy. Henry’s grin was too fond as he took approximately a million pictures.

“What do you think?” Alex asked, his hands ruffling Davey’s ears.

Henry glanced nervously at Faith who was sitting at a chair in the corner, supervising their visit. Faith immediately waved him off. “Please speak freely, you won’t hurt my feelings. And Davey won’t understand you, anyway.”

Henry nodded in an acknowledgement, giving a small smile of thanks, but still lowered his voice before answering. “He’s a very pretty dog.”

“ So handsome,” Alex agreed, ruffling Davey’s ears again and kissing his head. “But golden retrievers…”

“Yes, you’ve said,” Henry said, rolling his eyes. “‘Davey’ is also a little too close to ‘David’. Right?”

“We could always change his name,” Alex offered.

Henry’s nose scrunched, telling Alex exactly what he thought of that idea.

Alex scrunched his nose back, mockingly. “Well, he’s an excellent boy. Guaranteed if we don’t take him, he’ll be adopted by the end of the week.”

Henry nodded, his shoulders relaxing a bit at the thought of Davey’s eventual rescue.

Faith smiled, rising from her chair and pulling something from her scrubs pocket. “Next dog?”

Henry nodded, reaching out a hand to Alex, who had been abandoned by Davey almost immediately after Faith had reached into her pocket. Henry helped him to his feet and Faith made Davey sit as she put the peanut butter puzzle treat in front of him.

She let him have it and they left the room while he was distracted.

The next dog was a beautiful floppy eared girl, chestnut with white patches and black feet like she was wearing socks.

Her name was Dobby.

Henry loved her immediately, sitting on the ground and letting her lope up to him and sniff his head. She was a little more demure than Davey, a little more unsure, but she warmed up to them soon enough.

“What is she?” Henry asked, his face in her neck.

Alex translated. “What breed is she?”

“We think she’s an Irish Setter and an English Springer Spaniel mix.”

Alex snorted. “An Irish and an English? Wonder how that worked.”

But Henry’s head popped up from where he’s been focusing on Dobby’s ears and looked at Faith, eyebrow creased. “You think?”

“She was a stray.” Faith shrugged. “We sent her bloodwork in to try and know more but there was some that was inconclusive.”

Henry frowned more, his hands stilling on Dobby’s back before she gave a slight whine and he picked back up on petting her.

Alex kicked gently at his shoe. “Dobby and David. That sounds cute.”

“I don’t like not knowing,” Henry admitted, the inside of his cheek between his back teeth.

“Stop chewing your face,” Alex told him, kicking his shoe again.

Henry stopped, shooting a pout at Alex before repeating “I don’t like not knowing. What if she’s part Chow Chow or Terrier.” He frowned longingly at her bushy tail. “What if she doesn’t get along with David? Chow Chows are not good with beagles.”

“We’re reasonably confident she won’t be a problem with other dogs, otherwise I wouldn’t have brought her in here to meet you,” Faith told them, smiling in sympathy. “I mean, look how gentle she is!”

Henry hugged her around the neck. She was exceedingly gentle.

Alex could have told Henry that they could work with her. That any small percentage of a breed she had that might not like David was something they could overcome. That it would all turn out okay if they took her home.

But Alex didn’t know that. He didn’t know anything for certain and that little margin of error was too much for Henry. If things didn’t work out and he had to give the dog up after falling even more in love with her, it would break his heart.

Alex took a step forward and put his hand on Henry’s head, petting his hair back from his face. He turned to Faith. “I think we should meet the next one.”

Faith nodded, maybe a little disappointed, but reached into her apron again for another peanut butter toy. 

Dobby immediately abandoned Henry when the smell of peanut butter hit the air, so that probably helped the sting some. Alex helped Henry to his feet and pulled him into a brief hug, rubbing a hand over his back.

“Maybe we can come back for her someday,” Alex whispered into his ear, kissing his shoulder.

Henry sighed, sinking a bit into Alex’s embrace before standing up straight. “No,” he said firmly. “I want her to be adopted. She deserves to have a forever home, even if it’s not with us.”

Alex kissed his shoulder again, pulling back and kissing him on the mouth. “This magnanimous sacrificial hero thing you’ve got going?” Alex kissed him again. “Extremely sexy.”

Henry laughed under his breath, ducking his head to kiss Alex back, before turning them both to face Faith, who was already done distracting Dobby and had been politely waiting by the door, politely averting her eyes until after they’d finished their moment.

They made their way to the last room.

Faith opened the door to reveal a medium-sized pointy looking dog.

“ Yeeeees, ” Alex whispered, immediately moving in to sit on the ground.

The dog started jumping around, reacting to Alex’s excitement, her toes clacking on the tile. She ran up to Alex as soon as he was on her level and started licking his face.

“Is this a greyhound?” Henry said, laughing a bit as he watched Alex. Alex, for his part, was entirely focused on petting every inch of this dog.

“Hair’s too long to be a greyhound,” he answered, scratching her butt as she went crazy.

“She’s an Italian Greyhound/Whippet mix,” Faith laughed, watching Alex pick her up over his head like Simba. “We call them Whippigs.”

“ Whippig!” Alex said, delightedly, swinging the dog back and forth above him. Her tongue lolled out in a big doggy smile.

Alex pulled her in close to his chest. She fit in very nicely there: she didn’t squirm too much and she seemed pretty content to be held.

He looked up to Henry, eyes pleading.

Henry smiled fondly down at him before turning to Faith. “We talked about Greyhounds, but we worried it would be too cold in New York. Or that the dog wouldn’t handle us being away very well.”

“Greyhounds usually do have abandonment issues but Whippets are usually better about it, being watchdogs. And any dog you get won’t handle being alone too badly since you have another dog.”

Henry nodded and Alex grinned. “That’s why we’re doing this! So David won’t have to be alone, right?”

Henry sighed, rolling his eyes but quickly returning his attention to Faith. “And the colder weather?”

“Well, they’re not meant to be kept outside, but that’s not really a problem for you.” She paused before turning a smirk to Alex, whispering loudly to Henry behind her hand. “They also wear sweaters very well.”

Alex gasped loudly, getting the pup very excited. “HENRY WE CAN DRESS HER UP IN LITTLE SWEATERS!”

Faith laughed and Henry sighed again, feigning annoyance but with a twinkle in his eye.

Alex put the puppy down and let her run around as Henry talked through more details with Faith.

“She’s three years old. Been here for almost a year after her previous owners moved to an apartment that didn’t allow dogs. Oh, and her name is Evie!”

Alex’s head snapped to them, looking at Henry. “We could call her Stevie. Like Stevie Nicks!”

Henry’s jaw dropped for a second and then he threw his head back and laughed.

From that, their fates were sealed.

  Bringing her home was carefully orchestrated and anxiously accomplished.

Henry had googled it, obviously.

Faith had given them tips but Henry needed a checklist in front of him to calm his nerves. Alex could understand that.

They parked in front of the brownstone (Alex had no idea how Cash always kept this spot open for them) and Alex took Stevie carefully out of the car, setting her on the sidewalk pavement, a Hufflepuff leash clipped to her new collar. They’d decided she was a Hufflepuff.

Alex let her sniff around, familiarizing herself with the environment, while Henry ran inside. She watched him go, whining a little bit, but Alex crouched down to pat her head and she was fine again.

She was getting very invested in the tree planted on the curb when Henry emerged again with David, who came bounding down the steps, panting happily toward Alex.

Step one: introduce dogs while on leashes.

Stevie pulled back, startled, darting behind Alex’s legs and straining at her leash. Alex crouched down, reaching behind himself with one hand to pat her distressed little head, even while using his other hand to greet an excited David. “Hey there, buddy! What’s up, you doing okay?”

David’s tail went nuts as Alex scratched behind his ears. He fell onto his back and showed Alex his belly.

This show of submission brought Stevie sniffing around, tangling Alex in her leash in the process.

When David saw the newcomer he rolled back to his feet and strained on his own leash to try and get a sniff of her.

“Whoa there, mate,” Henry said, pulling on David’s leash. “Gently, now.”

Alex untangled himself from Stevie’s leash and pulled her tight to his chest. The list Henry had said to let her come around on her own but she was shaking! Alex had to hold her.

“David,” he started, looking at the beagle then back to his new baby. “This is Stevie. She’s your sister now. And she’s smaller than you, so be nice.”

He kissed her on the head and then put her down between his crouched knees so she could still feel safe.

She backed into him a little but sniffed back when David got close to her. She took a couple steps away from Alex, getting better access to David’s butt.

“There’s a special gland there, you know,” Alex told Henry as they watched the dogs meet.

“Yes, Alex, I do.” Henry answered. Alex glanced up to see the nervous crease in his forehead.

“Hey,” Alex said, coming to standing. He stepped over the dogs to get closer to Henry, reaching up and rubbing at the crease with his thumb. “It’s going fine.”

Henry took a long breath out. “I know.”

But he was still extremely tense. He was tense when they both dropped their leashes and let the dogs walk around each other freely (step 2). He was tense when they brought the dogs into the house, showing Stevie to her crate and her new food bowls and the other things the PPOs had brought into the house while they’d been doing the emotional labor of introducing the animals (step 3). He was tense right up until the four of them were cuddled together on the couch at the end of the day, watching Bake Off.

Alex and Henry were half on top of each other, their shoulders leaning together in the middle of the couch while David was curled at Henry’s feet and Stevie was hunkered into Alex’s side.

“She was supposed to be David’s mate,” Henry joked, the first joke he’d made since they brought Stevie home.

Alex grinned at him. “I’m cuter than David. I have been trying to get you to admit this for years.”

Henry rumbled a laugh, stretching a bit so he could kiss Alex on the mouth. “You keep thinking that, sweetheart.”

[action]

#BlackExcellence365 Artist Spotlight: Cat Frazier (@animatedtext)

Oh, buddies, have we got a special interview for you today. You may not know her, but you definitely already love it. It’s @animatedtext! We were able to ask this walking internet legend about her art and what it’s like being a Black woman on the internet when everyone assumes you’re a white male—and why it’s so important to correct those assumptions. Read on, reader.

Before we start this interview, we’d like to say how honored we are to interview the Queen of GIFs. Tell us: Who is the mastermind behind @animatedtext on Tumblr?

I created @animatedtext in 2012 as a space to share jokes and practice making 3D text. Shortly after that I started taking requests from followers. So you can say the 280K plus people submitting requests are also the masterminds.

In recent interviews you’ve mentioned that people always think you’re a white, straight man creating the GIFs. Why is it important to be visible as an openly gay Black woman?

I’ve been coming out my whole life. The first time I came out was age 13 when I told my family I was gay. The last time I came out was yesterday when my Uber driver asked if I had a boyfriend. Me being open about being a black lesbian is like being open about what I ate for breakfast. It’s the same way for me online. At the beginning of running @animatedtext I used to get hundreds of DMs from people saying “bro you’re amazing” or “why are you making jokes about being a woman when you’re a man?” Not everything I make is tied back to my identity. So now my bio essentially says “a black lesbian made these.” The added bonus of being out is representation. For some people it won’t matter that I’m a black gay woman. But for some it means everything to know that their favorite popular blog is run by someone like them.

What communities do you identify with both online on Tumblr and IRL?

On Tumblr I mainly identify with the net art community and calligraphers. In my mind, @animatedtext will always be a part of the 2012 Tumblr transparent community where people who weren’t designers were making GIFs for fun. My personal life is significantly gayer. I actively volunteer at my local LGBT Center and participate in a lot of queer art shows.

What are some of the challenges you face when creating GIFs or running your blog?

Balancing time. I’m fortunate that @animatedtext has become so successful and gives me opportunities outside of my blog. Unfortunately, that creeps into the time I’d like to spend making GIFs or talking to my followers. The other challenge is presenting my gifs in new ways. Recently I’ve started to play around with lyric videos and animated text stock videos. Seeing my work featured on Broad City showed me that there’s no limit.

Talk to us about this original piece for the #BlackExcellence365 campaign. How does this emulate Black Excellence for you? 

This piece is a joke about strong black woman quotes. A lot of times black women are expected to keep it together no matter what. “Keep your head up Queen” and “be a strong black woman” are positive mottos that can become overwhelming. Sometimes you gotta drop your crown and lay your head on the keyboard. Black excellence just means being true to yourself. For me, that means not taking myself too seriously and encouraging other people to do the same.

Why is it important that people continue to make an effort showcase work done specifically by Black artists?

It’s important to continue to showcase Black artists because we offer a perspective that comes from an experience of anxieties and a feeling of otherness. Both of which are characteristics of great art.

What are the common asks in your inbox?

A lot of people ask me to make GIFs that they can use to ask their crush out. The internet is also going through a cowboy phase so I get many asks with the word yeehaw in it.

We’d suggest you follow @animatedtext to see her latest GIFs twirl and twist on your dashboard as she posts them, but we know you’re already following her. What a wise choice. 

[yurimother]

Our Dreams at Dusk: Shimanami Tasogare - LGBTQ Review

Writing reviews is generally pretty simple for me. I set up the story of the work, discuss the characters and their dynamics, talk about the art, overuse the word “adorable” and then analyze about whatever romance or LGBT elements are present in it. However, Our Dreams at Dusk: Shimanami Tasogare deserves more than that. This is not some fluffy schoolyard romance, it is an honest, powerful, and stupendous work of queer literature. I spent almost a full day slowly working my way through the original volumes in preparation for the English adaptation’s release and words can hardly capture the sheer power and raw emotion contained in this series. I feel perfectly comfortable in saying that Shimanami Tasogare is the greatest manga I have ever read.

WARNING: this review contains spoilers for all four volumes of the manga

Our Dreams at Dusk: Shimanami Tasogare is written and illustrated by Yuhki Kamatani, who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community themselves and identifies as X-gender and asexual. Their illustrations are breathtaking. All the characters designs are distinct and the environments are detailed. But careful use of visual storytelling and employment of gorgeous surreal imagery is nothing short of artistic genius. These striking moments (literally) illustrate the characters’ emotions in ways far more complex and powerful than words ever could.

For example, the four pages which close the third chapter begin very minimally, with no background and only close-ups of character’s faces without words. Suddenly, it explodes into a visual representation of the protagonist's feelings, his realization, his fear, his overwhelming panic, and his confusion. Excerpts such as this are visceral, brutally effective, and hauntingly beautiful.

No matter how much praise I have to offer the remarkable illustrations, it is nothing compared to the commendations I give the story. It begins just as protagonist Tasuku Kaname stands over a bridge, contemplating jumping. People are making fun of Tasuku at school because of a rumor that he is gay and he believes his life might be over. However, he does not jump after he sees a strange girl in the distance leap from the window of a drop-in center.

Rushing over, he finds that this girl, called Someone, is the mysterious owner of the drop-in center. She tells him that the center is a gathering place for LGBTQ+ and that he can tell her anything, but that she will not listen. Soon Tasuku begins spending his summer at the center, working to fix up an old house with some of it other patrons, and learning everyone’s story. Each of the people at the center has an LGBTQ+ identity. In small arcs, which naturally cross and interweave with each other, Tasuku comes to better understand them and their identity as they work to navigate the world as a queer person.

One of the first stories told is that of Haruko Daichi and her wife Saki. Although they have not been able to get hold a ceremony, they consider themselves married. Haruko used to be guarded and quiet, lying to herself about being happy. When she finally came out and told her parents that she was a relationship, their relationship fell apart, a story far too common in the LGBT community. However, it is in this community that Haruko found solace and acceptation, thanks to participating in online forums and circles she accepted herself.

In one of these online groups she meets Saki, and they fell in love. Haruko’s greatest wish it to have a real wedding celebration so that everyone who knows her and Saki can celebrate them and their love together. Saki, however, feels differently. Although she is very much in love with Haruko, she does not want to risk starting fires by publicly coming out to her parents and relatives or holding such a brazen display of their love. This fear is held by many queer people, “how will I be seen if I come out? No one will accept me.”

Volume two of the manga follows the story of Shuufi Misora, a young child questioning their gender identity. At the center, Misora dresses as a girl, wearing dresses, makeup, and wigs, but outside they present as a boy (the gender they were assigned as at birth). They are initially somewhat hostile towards Tasuku, who is kind and compliments Misora regularly on their clothing while at the center, but one day asks to go to his house.

While there, Misora asks Tasuku some questions about being male and expresses their fear of their voice changing and getting body hair. Tasuku asks them, “do you want to be a girl?” Misora tells him that they do not know, but more than anything they feel so isolated and misunderstood. Before they can leave, Tasuku takes their hand.

After this, Tasuku encourages Misora to live as a transgender woman and eventually pushes them to go outside while presenting as feminine. The two go to a festival together and enjoy themselves. However, when someone gropes Misora’s butt, Tasuku remarks in an offhand comment that they did it because Misora looked cute. Misora, feeling angry, confused, and pushed by Tasuku explodes into a homophobic tirade, shouting at him before running away. After that, they do not return to the drop-in center.

Tasuku pushed Misora too much to come out, to take on the identity of being transgender. But, nobody can force a queer person to accept their identity or come out before they are ready and sure of their identity. Misora was still questioning themselves and Tasuku’s attempts to put them into a box and have them live a certain way was happening too quickly. I think that this is the chapter during which I broke down crying at the end, it resonated with me so deeply (it was two in the morning at this point and I had been up all day translating the Japanese text). I remember how much I struggled with my sexuality before coming out as queer. I think that the words a colleague once told me years later apply best, “ everyone comes out at the perfect time for them, there is no 'too early' or 'too late', just ‘ready’ and ‘not yet.’”

Volume three tells the story of Utsumi. He is extraordinarily kind, gentle, and charismatic. One day, while working the renovating the house with several volunteers, a woman comments that she knew him in high school, but that he presented as female back then, revealing him to be a transgender man. She asks him to attend a high school reunion, which he does and encourages him to speak at her daughter’s school. It becomes clear that she is a problematic ally, seeing queerness as a sort of illness and believes that he should work to teach everyone else about his identity.

Utsumi responds that she is reducing him to being only a trans man and that this is only one part of his identity, that he is so much more than that. Often allies want queer people to act as the voice and teacher of their identity and reduce that person to only being the token gay or token transgender person. They are not given the freedom to be their own person. This is what she is trying to do to Utsumi. However, he refuses and after that, she no longer interacts with the group.

In the fourth and final volume, the story of Tchaiko is told. He is the elderly visitor of the center and enjoys playing compositions by Tchaikovsky for everyone to listen to. He is gay, and his partner of thirty years, Agawa, is passing away. Agawa left his family, including his son to live as a gay man and be with Tchaiko. Unfortunately, he was not able to have both a child and live as who he was, and was forced to make a decision between the two.

Fortunately, Agawa’s son has begun to visit him in the hospital room, but while he is there Tchaiko stays away, as the son is not aware of their relationship. Tchaiko however, does not resent this, and loves texting Agawa and visiting while the son is not there. However, he acknowledges that, as he is not legally a member of his family, he cannot be there while Agawa dies. The legal rights of gay couples is a long source of grief for many.

I recall my friends getting ready to move to England with their two young children. They were married legally in the State that we live in (Massachusetts) but they had no federal rights and one of them was soon to be deported. Luckily for them, same-sex marriage was legalized across the country just weeks before they were to be evicted, and they were allowed to stay. The story I tell is a victorious one, but for so many people and their partners, they have so much tale. The law and discrimination keep them from experiencing every aspect of their life together.

Through Tchaiko, Tasuku learns of Someone’s past. He describes her as a person who wanted to live in isolation. In the past, before adopting the name “Someone” she tells Tchaiko and Agaway that she is most likely asexual, but that she is unable to find a place where she belongs, that whatever she does she cannot explain her identity.

The two men comment how strange it is that nobody is allowed to just live their lives in solitude, to live without having to explain, educate, and identify oneself, to just be “somebody.” It is at this moment that Somebody realizes that this is exactly what she wants. She takes the name Somebody and chooses to let go of labels and lives the way that she wants to.

I can hardly explain how much I identified with Somebody. I am not asexual, but I never found that labels worked for me, that I needed to be able to identify myself as straight or gay or fit into any of those boxes. For that reason, I do not identify my sexuality. I am queer, as a person who falls under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, but no more than that.

This final volume begins to bring about resolution to many of the conflicts and issues introduced in previous chapters but I will not go into detail about those here. Just know that I found each solution to be believable, well written, and satisfying. What I really want to talk about, is Tasuku’s journey and his relationship with Tsubaki.

Tsubaki is Tasuku’s classmate, whom he has a crush on. Tasuku struggles so greatly with coming to terms with these feelings and is helped greatly by his friends at the center. But these difficulties are exacerbated when he and Tsubaki become friends. His situation quickly takes a turn for the worse as Tsubaki starts to toy with Tasuku. Soon he begins making homophobic and transphobic remarks about the frequenters of the center. Tasuku stays silent, standing there tortured and wounded by his friend's hurtful remarks.

Things only get worse when Someone starts talking to Tsubaki about his sexuality, acknowledging that he is repressed and lashing out. Tsubaki angrily dismisses the idea. Finally, he confronts Tasuku, acknowledging that obvious fact that Tasuku is gay and verbally assaulting him and the center. And then, in what is absolutely my favorite moment from the wonderful manga, Tasuku stands up to him! He confesses his sexuality and affection for Tsubaki, tells him how much the center means to him and how much good it has done, and that what Tsubaki is doing is wrong. “I want you to know that what you’ve said has hurt me. It’s not like I want your sympathy or apology! I just don’t want you to hurt anyone else!”

My. God. YESSS!!

This is such an incredibly powerful moment, to see the struggling Tasuku stand up and tell off his friend, the person that he loves. To tell him that his actions are hurtful and wrong. This was such a triumphant moment for the character. The sheer number of people that I, that every queer person encounters in their lives that hurts us and that we want to tell off. Seeing this was cathartic and affirming for me in so many ways. Not only do we see Tasuku take this stand, but Tsubaki listens. He understands and realizes that his actions were ignorant, and hurtful, and cruel. After this, he begins to hang around the center more and become more accepting of the others and himself.

Our Dreams at Dusk: Shimanami Tasogare expresses so many realistic and relatable stories of LGBTQ+ people that are told so beautifully and fully. If you are a queer person you need to read this manga, if you are questioning you need to read this manga, if you are an ally you need to read this manga, if you are a parent you need to read this manga, if you have no idea what LGBT life is like you need to read this manga.

Yuhki Kamatani has created the most honest, emotional, and affirming portrayal of living as an LGBTQ+ person that I have ever read in a manga. My feeble attempts to analyze it and express my appreciation here are laughable. My advice, get your hands on a copy right away!

To try and quantify this work with categorical scores would be nothing but insulting so I will end with only the overall rating: 10/10

Our Dreams at Dusk: Shimanami Tasogare Volume 1 is available now in at major North American retailers digitally and in print and volumes 2-4 are available for pre-order

Support yuri and LGBTQ+ content, news, and reviews by funding YuriMother on Patreon

All images are used for review purposes only and are owned by Yuhki KAMATANi, Shogakukan, and Seven Sea’s Entertainment. Please support the manga’s official release

[alesbiancowboy]

Get ready folks, this one is going to be lengthy and heavy. That's right, we're looking at the Rose Queen episode, AKA "Let Patsy Mount breathe for five f*cking minutes please". 

Since this is a very Patsy centered episode, and I don't have the mental bandwidth to break down every scene, I'm starting when shit gets real for Patsy: when Noakes comes and talks to her and Trixie.

Okay, this face speaks volumes. You see the pissed off, dejected Patsy when Noakes talks about putting in the pretty police to “Smoke out his type”. First of all, he’s talking about Tony like he’s some sort of vermin (I see what you’re doing there with the symbolism of the rat infestation Heidi, I see you). But this is Noakes telling Patsy that people like her aren’t normal and should be flushed out and gotten rid of. 

As I have said in like all of these breakdowns, Patsy is motivated by self-preservation. This most likely cemented itself from her times in the camps, but this episode is the one where we see it truly taking root within her, and then it later affects how she interacts with everyone including Delia. 

Of course, Patsy “I’m good at my job” Mount takes her frustration at the situation and focuses on what Mrs. Amos needs. This is something that a lot of people do in a stressful situation, they deflect what they’re feeling and focus on what they’re feeling or how to help someone else’s problems. She’s stuck in this place where she can’t make her true feelings known, but she needs to get out her indignation for this in some way, so she does so on behalf of the mother she’s there to take care of. 

This is a gorgeous moment for Patsy and Trixie’s friendship. Trixie is saying how she couldn’t forgive Tony if she was in his wife’s shoes and Patsy automatically assumes it’s because he’s gay, but Trixie (the true MVP of this episode) automatically says how she doesn’t care that he’s gay, just that he cheated. 

Emerald does this small thing where she looks at Trixie as she says she can’t forgive him and then does a small look down and tries to busy herself with her bag as she asks if it’s because of “what he is” so she won’t have to look at her best friend and roommate voice some sort of hate for people like Patsy. 

Then we get Trixie being supportive of the community and we get that iconic Patsy Mount half-smile as she realizes that Trixie isn’t like other people and wouldn’t hate her for loving Delia if she ever came forth and told her (to be honest, I have a theory that Trixie already knew, but that’s for another time if you wanna hear it just dm me).

THEN we have them laughing over the “no dark secrets” thing, and we have a fucking amazing acting moment from Emerald where she’s laughing and smiling, then her face just falls. It’s so small and I couldn’t really get a good picture, but I will sell my soul to whoever can get a good gif of it. But this is Patsy remembering that she does have a “dark secret” and it could cost her everything but in a way, this would be Patsy having to decide between the two great loves of her life: Delia or her work. 

Now we have Patsy at work with Mrs. Amos. She knows what’s up and is clearly trying to lighten the situation any way she can. She’s cheerful and smiling more than we’ve ever seen her smile on a regular house call, but she’s also being very attentive to how Mrs. Amos is acting, she doesn’t want to really let her know that she knows what’s up. She’s worried about her patient but is also clearly trying to judge how she’s feeling, because if she doesn’t like the gays, then Patsy could be in a difficult situation. 

I love this moment, like so so much. Patsy is coming at this from her role as a caregiver but is being so smart with her wording and how she approaches this. She starts it with “my work, it’s about caring”. Not “I am”, this is because you can bet your bottom dollar that Patsy wouldn’t be here if not for her work. This is a difficult space and situation for her because a badly hidden reaction could cost her everything. 

Then she makes sure that she lets Mrs. Amos know that she’s there for her, not just the baby, she cares about this mother and her situation and is there to help. I think it’s very telling how she doesn’t say anything in response to Mrs. Amos saying how she can’t be upset. Patsy knows that no matter what she says it would be insensitive or could be taken the wrong way, so she stays silent and carries on with her work. 

This little line makes me so happy. Any discussion that she has with Mrs. Amos about this situation could hurt Patsy and she knows this. She knows that Mrs. Amos is holding onto a lot of anger and sadness and so she does what’s right as a caretaker and offers a shoulder and a sympathetic ear even though it could hurt her feelings and possibly her mental state. This is the core of who Patsy is. She’s a loyal friend who will put other’s needs before her own for those few people she lets in and it’s so touching and nice to see her letting Mrs. Amos in and giving her a safe place and person to talk to about all of this because we know Mrs. Amos won’t be able to talk to anyone else about all of this. 

This lunch (dinner?) scene is delightful. Nonnatus is talking about the Amos’s and we get to see Patsy just stay quiet (most likely so she can not incriminate herself in any way) and not look anyone in the eye until Sister Monica Joan (who Patsy has some truly great moments with throughout the show) and Trixie stand up for Tony and the community. There are those small moments where you see something in Patsy’s eyes while they’re standing up for Tony that could be read as hope and it’s delicious to watch. 

She literally puts her fork down and stops chewing while Sister Winnifred says all of this. This poor girl is so tired and already feels the weight of the world on her shoulders being in charge of the Amos baby, then she has to hear this sort of hate being spewed about LGBT people in her home with people that she has to live and work with. 

Now we have the shitty neighbor lady yelling about the newspaper and we see Patsy get visibly anxious. The woman walks in and Patsy is still in her full posture, then she says something about secrets being out and Patsy seemingly shrinks just a little. Still, she automatically is watching Marie worried because at the end of the day she knows that she is in charge of her wellbeing, and this won’t be good for her physical or mental health, the first thing she does is move to help get Marie out of there. 

This shot is everything. I love how they played into Emerald’s height to make it a fight for the power at this moment — she is taller than the frame and she’s physically looking down at this woman for 1. hurting Marie and 2. being a homophobic asshole. Not to mention, Patsy is someone with a lot of actual power and respect in the community. She’s a midwife, a nurse, and she’s in charge of the cubs, there is no way that she’s not known in the community and I love the way this woman looks surprised and taken aback that Patsy is standing up fro Marie and Tony because it’s her using her power to actually say what she’s been wanting to say this entire episode. And it’s clear that the way she says this line, she’s talking about herself just as much as she’s talking about Marie.

Just this look. I don’t have anything else to say... okay that’s a lie. her saying “small-mindedness has no place here” is just too good. This is as close as we get to Patsy snapping from all of this hate and bullshit and it’s done in a way that’s still respectable and is using her power for good. She then literally runs to go comfort Marie and it’s beautiful and she goes from being hard and laying down the law to soft and comforting (showing that soft underbelly and loyalty she has to the people she decides gets to see it.)

This is (as far as my knowledge) the only time we hear Patsy say any sort of formal identifier for the LGBT community. This is also just so good because I see this as Patsy doing a final test to see if she can truly trust Trixie. Trixie has been doing great this episode standing up for the LGBT community where Patsy cannot, but so far, it’s all be just talk. And we know from that first big Patsy episode that she truly believes that actions speak louder than words. the second Trixie says it’s not their battle to fight, you can visibly see Patsy put her walls up again. 

She then argues “mother and baby first” when Trixie talks about the Rose Queen, bringing up her work (we are seeing a reoccurring theme this episode of Patsy having to seemingly choose between her love of her work versus her love for Delia). THEN we get Trixie asking (as sweetly as possible) why Patsy cares so much about this, giving Patsy a very clear opening to come out, but instead, we see Self-Preservation Pats come in and she shuts it down before going to bed and ending the conversation.

Patsy is called to the birth and we see the (very artfully done) “Queer” spray-painted across the door and goddamit she looks like she’s about to cry. Still, she powers through, walks into the house and gets to work. She has to ignore just how much this hurts her and has to focus on what she’s there to do.

When Marie tries to talk about the vandalism, Patsy stops that conversation before it even starts and stays in her work mode. If she let that conversation happen, it would have been hard for her to do what she needed to truly be there for Marie.

We get to see Patsy genuinely happy for the first time this entire episode when the baby is born and it’s just too good. This birth almost serves as a reminder for her that no matter what sort of hate is out there she’s good at her job and what she does brings actual joy — it’s a labor of love. 

This is the first time Patsy gets to see Tony since all this insanity went down. She’s watching this entire interaction closely because she’s in the room with someone who has been living her worst nightmare of being found out then criminalized, but she’s also still there as a support for Marie. Then we get a close up of Patsy watching them worried, she knows that not everything is all fixed and happy, the Amos’s may never be the same as they were. 

I love this. I love this so much. The very very small smile that Patsy gives Tony as he checks to make sure Marie is still able to do the Rose Queen is just true wlw/mlm solidarity and it’s perfect.

Then we see Tom give an excuse as to why they weren’t planning on having Marie there and we see Patsy’s face fall and she sighs. It’s a reminder to her that the community’s stance on people like her and Tony haven’t changed. She literally scowls at the homophobic ladies as they’re spewing hate and then everything changes as soon as Trixie starts talking. 

This is the action that Patsy believes in. Trixie saying her beliefs about the LGBT community in Nonnatus when they’re surrounded by people they know and love is one thing, her standing up for Marie and Tony in front of the Popular community is a big deal, and we see Patsy smile and she’s trying to hold back her facial expressions because her best friend just stepped the fuck up to the plate and hit a home run. 

Patsy going to hold Tony’s hand is again Patsy’s actions speaking louder than any words she could say. We don’t see her really say a lot to Tony, and we don’t see a lot of people touch Tony besides Marie, so this small moment is Patsy’s way of saying she’s here for him and the way he looks down at her hand says volumes. She’s not afraid to touch him and accept him, and that’s a big deal that Tony has been struggling with this entire episode. 

Then we get the standing ovation, which is cheesy as hell, but so sweet. 

Anywho, 

ding dang that took a while, huge thank you to @ms-shady​ for requesting this one. This is a hard episode to get through just based on the subject matter, but goddamit it’s so satisfying to just watch the journey that Patsy goes through this episode. If you wanna see a breakdown lemme know!